#daddy’s blunt instrument

[drfrankensteinvsthequeerborgs]

Cain: "Have you never mused on the fact that you're living my life in reverse? My story began when I killed my brother, and that's where your story inevitably will end."

Dean: "No never."

Cain: "It's called the Mark of Cain for a reason. First, first you'd kill Crowley. There'd be some strange mixed feelings on that one, but you'd have your reason. You'd get it done, no remorse. And then you'd kill the angel Castiel. Now that one, that I suspect would hurt something awful. And then! Then would come the murder you'd never survive. The one that would finally turn you into as much of a savage as it did me."

Except he hasn't actually killed any of them yet: there's nothing saying Dean can't kill Sam first and run his life in parallel instead of reverse (other than that it would be wildly out of character for him). Also Cain is using the conditional not the future tense; Dean hasn't thought about it because it's not inevitable yet. What Cain's saying is Abel was his first kill and his kills got progressively less meaningful until his wife Colette stopped him, but then he killed her too, and he snapped completely when he killed the demons, whereas Dean's been a killer most of his life, he's already desensitized, so these kills will get progressively harder for him, starting with a meaningful demon, i.e. Crowley, through to his [OMITTED] Cas, until killing Sam destroys him. Cain not protecting the sanctity of strangers' lives, killing indiscriminately is what marks his lost humanity, for Dean destroying his relationships, his connections is what loses him his humanity. What happened to Cain happened because he started slipping every time he lost his support system--as long as Dean's support system stays alive, they can (and do) find a way out of it.

[miiilowo]

mom said it's my turn on the ponynatural (+rambling about their cutiemarks in the tags)

[shallowrambles]

Ok but if Michael called Cas a good soldier for real I think Dean would have actually rushed him and tackled him to the ground maybe

[dogearedheart]

the very touch of you corrupts is still such an insane line btw

[stonenumberone]

Daddy's blunt little instrument (insp.)

[kimodraw]

thought a lot abt the cw shows these past few days

[icvrusxx]

Dad knew who you really were. Good soldier, nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you?

let dead dogs lie, silas denver melvin // i am a dog. i have blood all over my teeth, sciencedfiction // spn 1x16, shadow // chapter viii, chen chen // hannibal 2x12, tome-wan // the hour of the star, clarice lispector // spn 3x10, dream a little dream of me // i don’t smoke, mitski // i’m your man, mitski // spn 2x22, all hell breaks loose pt 2 // mary, the death riders

[weaksspot]

so crazy that this thing was hunting monsters and cuddling his baby bwother and crying himself to sleep in motel rooms

[samdeancrimespree]

1.18 will never stop hurting me. john placing a loaded shotgun on the floor so it’s easier for his child to reach. shoot first, ask questions later, recited in the tone most kids use to say please and thank you. john clapping his ten year old son on the shoulder and saying “that’s my man.”

the look, barely a step below hatred, on john’s face when dean fails him and sam gets hurt. dean gets one sentence out before he stops arguing, realizing his father is right, he has no excuse. john cradling sammy like the baby he is and petting his hair while dean stands in the doorway and watches, knowing he has no right to even approach them. maybe thinking about the last time he was held like that, if he can even remember it.

the fact that sixteen years later, dean hasn’t forgiven himself. won’t even let sam try to comfort him. It’s all just excuses, like dean had given back then, but sams voice is drowned out by john’s, i told you not to let him out of your sight. he sees this order from john not as a punishment, but a chance at retribution. dad will never forgive me, but maybe he’ll hate me less.

[starnana7]

something that genuinely makes me twitch in the first season of supernatural is how some fans are honestly mad at dean for always following john orders and always obeying him. like boy was brainwashed since he was four-five years old. the only thing he ever wanted was his father love, proud and approval. one of the only times he didn’t closely followed john’s orders sam almost died and john never looked at him the same (dean’s word, in the ep where they were hunting that shtriga). it was always clear that sam was dean’s responsibility, his “only job”. dean had to make sure he was safe, had to be the perfect soldier. and people really get angry at him for not fighting john?! like cmon he never had that luxury. sam also was always angry that dean never took his side, even when he was right (and that pissed me off too but like i get him so okay yk), but like sam had the Right to rebel, he had the right to run away, to have a normal life, to go to college. it’s so funny to me that the show portrays sam as the one that would’ve been able to life the normal life—that was able to live it—and that he always wanted it more, when in reality dean wanted that life just as much as sam. his dream (in the djinn ep) was literally to have a normal life. but he never was even allowed to wanted it, always having the responsibility of the world, of sam, of john, in his back. when he was a kid he literally could’ve had a good normal life with a good man taking care of him (the boy’s group home) but he didn’t stay Because Of Sam. in pretty much every season we have a monologue of dean saying that he doesn’t want to do that anymore and that he’s tired of the job, of the hunter life. when in reality sam always found himself accepting it in the end and was pretty much okay with his choices (in the end, sam even understands john and why he raised them that way, while dean slowly starts to resent john more and more. and we can also see how much more john and sam are actually alike, while i would say dean is more like mary, even though with his explosive-john behavior). dean was always the one that had connections with kids and even sam himself admits that he would’ve been a good father. he wanted to be a firefighter, a mechanic, a rockstar. he had dreams—dreams that he wasn’t even able to think about it. in the last season he had a job application. and yet he gave his life to be a hero. to be the perfect soldier. he didn’t get a real childhood, nothing. and yet everyone hates s1 dean for not standing up to john, but that’s all he knows. all he knows is how to be daddy’s little blunt instrument and nothing else. it took him 15 years and a fallen angel for him to see himself in a different away. God he’s so tragic. and it makes me so angry that they gave sam a happy-apple pie life, while dean was always supposed to die. he died just like he said he would: young and in the job. and the fact that they never got him to overcame his faults and actually be more independent of sam and worthy (in his eyes) to live a happy life makes me SO mad. like ughhh they really killed him because he was bissexual huh.

[coureirsix]

god remember when moc dean killed the entire frankenstein family in cold blood. he should have done more killing

[drfrankensteinvsthequeerborgs]

honestly I think part of the reason Dean hates the books and other hunters seeing him as a role model so much is that he’s spent most of his adult life trying to prevent other kids from growing up the way he did or letting the life consume them like him and it baffles him that no one seems to care about the giant flashing warning sign he’s holding because they seem dead-set on making the exact same mistakes. it’s never the parts of himself he actually likes or that he can see the good in, it’s always the parts he wouldn’t wish on anyone

[garashir]

kinda sickening how so many of the dean winchester meta analysis posts I like apply to arthur morgan so instead of being able to say anything coherent or intelligent about arthur my brain just goes “so deancoded” as if that makes sense to anybody

[angelsdean]

john’s like. i have my soldier (dean), my failed son (sam), and my third-times-a-charm son (adam) 

[diamond-rings-and-gutter-bones]

wait ... if john winchesters blood type is AB (2x04) and dean winchesters blood type is O (10x03) ...

[luvecrime]