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#daddy!agnes
imdoingsortagay · 13 hours
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Daddy!agnes headcanons
Warnings : more on like detective agnes, some spoilers for Agatha all along below the cut be warned, 18+ or I’m blocking you, mention of the word daddy , smut , strap one, oral , fingering, butch ladies
An: I’ll have you know that I finished my ethics hw before writing this ( 300 word reflection with three citations is insane but whatever ig) anyways enjoy gays !!!!!!
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You met her when she was doing a usual investigation, being called into help
You found her a bit rude while she hated that you were so optimistic about everything
“ this is a crime scene why are you so fucking positive all the time “
You kind of just roll your eyes half the time cause you’ve dealt with assholes before.
Deputy introduces you to the older woman but she as always bites back at him
“ eat my ass “
“ you get used to it y/l/n” “ not the worst I’ve heard from detectives cheif “
Little by little she tolerates you
Actually buys you breakfast 4 months into the investigation
You’re still very optimistic but she ignores that part til you try to tell her to take a break as she’s always stressed out.
“ have you considered actually taking a break for ones agnes ?” “ and not figure out this case ? Yeah fuck off “
“ maybe if we start with turning off your light we can “ and the moment that you turn off her desk lamp she grabs your hand pulling you close.
Her lips are so close , agnes is holding off but you’re the first one to initiate contact.
“ daddy ,” you accidentally moan out when she grabs a handful of your ass ( you looked good in the suit you had ).
“ here I thought you were this innocent little darling “
Rough asf especially when she’s stressed
At home she’s always packing, like to see your reaction when you don’t expect it
Fan of shoving her fingers in your mouth whenever you’re both relaxing
“ show daddy how much you want her cock by sucking her fingers , I know you can do it baby”
No mercy at all , loves to gag you
Big purple strap, has you on your knees one day after she came back stressed.
“ be a doll honey and make me cum yeah ? Maybe if you do that I’ll fuck that cunt of your huh?” “ yes sir “
“ fuck you dirty whore “ as she’s grabbing your hair and shoving your head into her core.
Such a tease like you don’t even know
Has passed Polaroid of you in compromising positions cause she’d rather be safe than sorry.
“ like when daddy fuck you ? Of course you do baby cause your just a slut for me right baby ?” “ just a slut for you daddy “
Hair pulling all the time during sex
She’s the pussy eating queen , can make you cum super hard.
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rebelforart · 5 months
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lilyginnyblackv2 · 2 years
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It's so refreshing to see more anime series have female characters that aren't conventionally thin and not overly sexualize them or make their bodies into jokes.
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anrisimps · 4 months
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The second life isn't always better than the first one
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workingonsstuff · 1 year
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┆ — ꧁ cat + dog hybrid Agnes ꧂ — ┆
Au!Agnes, turned into a cat + dog hybrid.
She appears to be still very tiny. Alot tinier
She likes to be playful, barks & meows too.
Acts childish wars + whiney, and soft.
Has dog ears, and a long cat tail.
Her fur is chocolate red colored fur.
Heterochromia red and pink eyes.
Pale reddish pink paw pad hands and feets.
Likes head pats.
Often sits in Billy's + stu & Billy Loomis arms, and slashers arms.
Very smart and intelligent.
Easy to catch, when she falls or jumps.
Literally messes with her food + her human brother, Billy's food too.
Likes to get messy, you can literally find her stuck inside the cake 😭
Smart, but more dumber asf + an idiot and adorable 💀💅
Always clingy and stays with her brother billy
Plays with her teddy bear, yearn + cat & dog toys
Often being played with, by hands. And forks
Very playful with forks
Meows and hisses + snark & bark.
Has a collar around her neck by Billy.
Says 'bingle! So, zerbimm!' On the phone, messaging her older brother 😭 it's adorable asf, for Billy Lenz.
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kronoose · 1 year
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Urge to use the Agnes Montague x Mary on a cross audio for dood or Scary
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I have to bully Estinien. How would he react to waking up because Esme decided to gum his cheeks
Estinien loved having his baby daughter sleep on his chest. Though that may change as she grows...oh fuck it, it will not change as she grows. I'll be a bed for her whenever she likes. As the nearly eight moon-old Esme stirred, he could not stop himself from smiling. She's still so small, but I can already tell she's much like Agi in temperament and looks. Better to be more like your beautiful bright mother than your father, eh?
Esme, her eyes closed, began to inch up her father's chest towards his face, earning a small chuckle from him.
"Oh ho, what's this? The little lady wants to be up here?" He helped her along until her face was against his cheek. "I know, you like to be close. Es...Esme?"
To his shock, Esme began lightly suckling on one of his cheeks, making little sounds of happiness that makes my heart want to burst out of my fucking chest. My daughter is simply too cute, even if this is very strange.
"Esme?" He croaked. "Fury take me, my cheek isn't Mummy's tit! No milk is coming out of my fucking face!"
Still, Esme continued to happily suck and gnaw on my damn face!!!! Fuck, I can't be mad. She's too adorable.
Estinien was not sure how much time had gone by when Agnes returned home from her manicure and pedicure, laughing her big sexy ass off! YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, WOMAN!
"Oh my fucking gods!!!!! LOVE!!!" Agnes was doubled over in laughter. "Holy shit!"
"Hmph. Laugh all you want, my love, but you've been in compromising positions too!" Estinien harrumphed, rubbing Esme's back. "Es really, can you..."
Agnes walked to the couch and lifted Esme off his chest. Mother and daughter began cooing at each other at the same fucking time. Fury preserve, they really are alike. "Hello my sweet baby, were you having a good time with Papa?"
Esme gurgled and held onto her mother.
"I see! And you, love? Having a good time despite the erm..." She giggled again.
Despite our daughter thinking my cheek was a tit? Estinien rose and kissed his wife. "Aye." I'm blessed to have you, Esme. And I cannot wait to see the person you will become.
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the-lightless-flame · 2 years
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ok i did the agnes chart
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katebishopsbow · 9 months
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SOMEDAY IT WILL ALL BE OKAY • MAX VERSTAPPEN
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pairing: max verstappen x driver!reader (platonic)
summary: watching kevin and his daughter, laura, playing together at the paddock makes you emotional as you remember the love that you never get to receive growing up. max is here to remind you that your past doesn't define you, and one day you will be okay.
tags: angst, hurt/comfort, daddy issues, mentions of absent parent
word count: 3.1k
author's notes: based on the real-life event of me tearing up when i saw that video of kmag's daughter playing with his visor. healing my own daddy issues one fic at a time :)
(image is not mine)
─────── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───────
Kevin Magnussen is a great dad.
People can say whatever they want about his driving – aggressive and maybe a little dangerous sometimes – but there is no denying that he is an amazing father who puts his daughters above all else. The Dane is always joking about how his two little troublemakers have been giving him a constant headache, but the rest of the grid knows that he would do just about anything for his girls.
Occasionally, Louise likes bringing Laura and Agnes to the track to see their dad at work. Being a Formula 1 driver with all the hectic schedules and non-stop traveling means that family time together can often be difficult to come by, so Kevin cherishes all the time he gets to be as present in their lives as possible. 
The drivers all love it when the Magnussens visit the track, not only because Laura and Agnes are the sweetest little angels ever, but also because they get to witness the rare sight of Kevin “tough guy” Magnussen shedding his hard exterior and tease him about the heartwarmingly softer side he displays to his family. 
And while you would never admit this out loud, somewhere residing deep within you is envious – envious of this kind of love that you never got to receive. Sometimes when you look at Kevin interacting with his daughters – just sometimes – you find yourself wondering what it would be like to have a father who is present, who genuinely cares, who loves you with everything they have so much that you never have to doubt your worthiness.
・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚.
You were standing with a few other drivers at the track, idly chatting about the upcoming race and your holiday plans now that the winter break is right around the corner when Kevin suddenly saunters nearby, holding the hand of the most adorable little girl. “Laura, come say hi!” he kneels down and says to her, sporting the biggest and most loving smile on his face as his daughter gives a shy little wave to the crowd of drivers before her.
“Hey there, Laura,” you wave at her, settling on a simple greeting since you have never been particularly great with children. “Hello, little one!” Lando greets with a wide grin as he offers Laura a fist bump, and the girl explodes into giggles when he pretends to yelp in pain at how hard Laura fist-bumped him. Classic Lando – always so good with kids.
“She’s got quite the punch, doesn’t she?” Kevin jokes while he chuckles at the sight, admiring the joyous smile on Laura’s face with the tenderest gaze he only reserves for his daughter. Becoming a father is the best thing that has happened to him, and he thanks the stars every day for being blessed with such precious gifts of life. Laura and Agnes – his biggest pride and joy.
“Here to be dad’s little assistant, Laura?” Max asks, his nose scrunching up in an adoring smile like the way it always does when he speaks to Penelope. The little girl nods bashfully before running to hide behind her dad, holding onto his hands as if he is her safe place, her rock.
Kevin laughs at his daughter’s endearing shyness, picks her up and envelops her in his embrace before placing a kiss on her rosy, chubby cheeks. “You’re the best assistant in the entire world,” he whispers softly, adoration swimming in his eyes while Laura lets out a giggle at her father’s words. The drivers around them cannot help but smile along with them – how can they not at such a heartwarming sight? 
Yet watching Kevin’s doting smiles and the way he looks at his daughter as if she is his entire universe, the initial warm fuzziness within you silently morphs into a dull ache that squeezes at your heart – an odd yet familiar feeling you know all too well. Despite your best efforts to push them away, your mind becomes clouded with hazy memories of the past – the painful past that has broken you and haunted you for years.
In the fogged-up memories of your childhood days, you were never at the receiving end of such an affectionate gaze. The only way your father has ever looked at you was indifference, annoyance, and a sense of uncaringness that tore your little heart up into pieces and left you wondering what you did wrong to be so undeserving of the fatherly love you yearned for. 
He never picked you up and hugged you as if you were a fragile treasure that he cherished. He never held your hand in a way that made you feel safe and certain that nothing could ever harm you because he would be your shield, protecting you from the world and its merciless cruelty. He never once made you feel loved and cared for, ignoring your attempts to gain his validation and approval because he loved himself and his ego more than he would ever love you. 
When you received good grades at school and showed him your report card with the rows of A’s, hoping that it would help you get his approval, he didn’t praise you. In fact, he didn’t bother saying anything. He simply gave you a half-hearted nod before shifting his attention back to the damned television screen in front of him, some uninteresting TV show that never should have mattered more than his daughter. So you stuffed the tear-stained report card back into your school bag, uncaring that it got crushed and crumpled, because in the end your hard work and effort didn’t matter. It never did.
When you had a rough day at school and came home with tears running down your cheeks, your father looked at you for a second, rolled his eyes and walked away. So that night you cried yourself to sleep as you soaked through your pillows with your wallowing tears, wishing that your dad could wrap you in his arms and tell you that everything would be okay. You knew that he could hear your sobs across the hallway, but chose to ignore you anyway. You wondered if he hated you that much, or was it simply because he never even cared to begin with?
And when he finally gathered all his belongings and disappeared from your life once and for all, you surprised yourself when you didn’t cry at the sight of the now-empty house. You had just felt empty and lonely – so painstakingly lonely. The kind of loneliness that seeped into your bones and slithered along your veins and consumed your soul. 
As you grew older, you became familiarized with that emptiness – comfortable with it even. You begin to find yourself pushing people away when they get too close, keeping most at arm's length because that seems like the safest option, breaking your own heart before others can do it because you never want to experience the same heartbreak your father has put you through.
Despite how painful it is, you hold onto that loneliness like a lifeline because how could you not when that’s the only thing you know? How could you love when you don’t even know what it feels like?
Even though it had been years since your dad had left, the emptiness he had left behind never seemed to fade away. They say time heals all wounds, but you call that bullshit, because then why does it still hurt like a fresh stab into the heart? 
Too deep in your storm of thoughts, you don’t realize the tears brimming in your glossy eyes and the way your lips quiver ever so slightly. “Hey… you okay there?” Charles, who is standing beside you, gives you an affectionate pat on the shoulders and whispers hushedly in your ear, worried at your sudden change in demeanor. Quickly nodding your head, you answer him with the best smile you can manage, “Yeah, just remembering some things.”
While most of the drivers still have their focus on Kevin and Laura, a few have also noticed your red-rimmed eyes and quietness. “What’s wrong?” Lando mouths the question silently toward you, eyes wide in concern as he tries not to shift everybody’s attention toward you. You shake your head and mouth “nothing” in reply to him as discreetly as possible, not wanting to ruin the group’s mood with your sudden sentiments. 
As much as you want to stay, you simply need to get away for a moment to recollect your thoughts. “Uh – There’s something I need from my driver’s room, so I’m gonna head off,” you hurriedly blink away the tears and put on the best smile – a skill you learned to master after years of being in the public’s eye. You hope that the excuse you just blurted out is somewhat believable, and you quickly disappear into the distance after your fellow drivers bid you goodbye. 
While making a beeline for your driver's room, you cannot help but feel so embarrassed, so guilty for the sudden burst of emotions that erupted in your chest moments ago. “What is wrong with me?” you mumble hushedly to yourself as you make your way to the garage – irritated and beyond annoyed at yourself that the mere sight of Kevin with his daughter is enough to bring you to tears. 
This isn’t something new to you. It isn’t the first time a good father-daughter relationship has made you tear up. Movies, TV shows, song lyrics – you always get so emotional when you allow yourself to get lost in your thoughts, thinking too deeply about the painful reminders of the love that you never have. 
It makes you feel stupid, because how broken do you have to be that trivial things like these are enough to make you cry? And it makes you feel scared, so utterly scared, because what if you were too broken to ever be capable of loving someone this much, too damaged to ever receive love despite yearning for it, and end up pushing away everyone who cares about you for the rest of your life.
When you arrive at your driver's room, you take a seat in the corner, breathing in and out while the self-blaming thoughts inside your head spiral in full force. This is so stupid, you are being stupid, and you hate yourself for being a fool and letting your past trauma affect you like this. Why were you even crying? There is nothing to be crying for. Stop. You need to stop.
Then you hear someone calling your name, voice faint and soft behind the door – Max. “You feeling okay?” he asks, and your delayed response and trembling voice as you answer him, “I’m fine.” are a clear enough indicator that you are far from okay. “Alright, I’m gonna come in now.” A sigh of mixed emotions falls from your lips – annoyance that you never seem to be able to lie to the man, and gratefulness that he always understands what you really need, and right now it is the company of your best friend.
“Hey, kiddo,” he says to you, eyebrows ceasing in sadness when he notices the expression on your face. Max hates seeing you like this, especially knowing the reason behind your tears is your absent father – someone who will never be worthy of having you cry over him. 
You wipe your eyes with the sleeve of your race suit, guilt weighing heavily on your chest as you apologize, “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to ruin the mood back there. Did the other drivers notice?” Max shakes his head with a frown, refusing to let you blame yourself for something you should never feel guilty for. “You don’t have to be sorry, you did nothing wrong.”
“I don’t even know why I am crying, honestly. Why am I still so angry and sad after all these years? It’s like… am I always going to be like this, broken? Will the hurt ever go away?” you explain truthfully to him while trying to piece your muddle-up thoughts together, yet you struggle to put them into words. How can you begin to explain the years of trauma your dad has left behind? How can you describe the mess of emotions you have for him – the hatred, the resentment, and the fact that you still love and miss him so much even after everything he has done to you?
You don’t need to, because Max understands, he always does. One of the reasons why you two became close quickly is because you share a similar, troubled past – something that is rather unfortunate to bond over, you would argue, but it brings you a great friend nonetheless. Max’s father isn’t exactly absent like yours – Jos Verstappen is still quite prominent in his life, along with his abusive and manipulative ways of raising his kids which he would vehemently deny and claims to be “tough love” instead.
Even though he is there, it doesn’t change the painful truth that the presence of his father has ruined Max. For years, he thought being violent was the way to solve problems because his dad always seemed to be able to solve his with his fist. He used to believe that you had to be perfect to be deserving of good things in life because he grew up with the punishment of “no dinner” if he had performed poorly in a race. He didn’t know if he would ever be capable of loving someone, and then he met Kelly and Penelope.
“You know… when I first met Penelope, I was terrified. I was scared that I could never be a good enough father figure for her, that I was too ruined to show her the love she deserved to have. But then I saw her, and then I realized I love her more than anything,” he confesses as he places himself to sit beside you, a reminiscent smile dancing on his lips while he remembers his first time meeting Penelope, the little girl who has become his family.
He remembers the suffocating fear of ending up like his father when he first held the hands of little Penelope, mind plagued with all the horrible what-ifs. What if he was a terrible dad? What if he couldn’t ever love Penelope? What if he was just like Jos Verstappen and ended up destroying her childhood with his anger and temper the way his dad had with his?
Then Penelope gave him a sweet smile, her tiny hand holding onto his pinky as she looked into his eyes with such trust and comfort, as if she knew that Max would love her more than anything in the world. Max genuinely thought he was going to cry, his heart surging with an overwhelming amount of love and determination to protect the little girl in front of her and give her the home she and Kelly deserve to have, and that’s when he knew that he had nothing to be afraid of – that he was going to do better than his father.
“Listen, kiddo. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, it just makes the pain bearable. But there will be a day when your wound will still be there – it always will be there – but the pain and the hatred will no longer consume you. And you will realize that you can be better and stronger than your past, that you can break the cycle, that you are deserving of such unconditional love too.” You listen quietly to your best friend’s answer, exhaling a relieved sigh at the words you so desperately need to hear, giving you hope that despite all your trauma, one day you will be able to love with such certainty as well.
You are never too broken to love or be loved. You are not damaged goods that need repairing. You are not a monster for being intimidated by love and affection, for pushing people away even though you want more than anything for them to stay. You just need to allow yourself to heal from the hurtful past, to understand that your past trauma does not define you. You need to allow yourself to feel, to accept the depths of your emotions, to understand that your sadness and anger are always valid. You need to believe that you will be better than your father, that you will not follow in his footsteps, and that you deserve to be loved just as much as anyone else. 
Feeling sentimental over this doesn’t make you stupid or a fool, it just makes you human. It is okay to cry over it, to be sad over it, as long as you remember that one day – while things will never be perfect –  it will certainly get better. 
“You’re gonna be okay,” Max tells you with a smile, reaching for your hand to give it a comforting squeeze, and you believe him. For once in a very long time, you genuinely believe that everything is going to be okay. The impact your father has on you will always be there. You can never wipe away the hurt and awful things he has done to you, nor can you simply erase the simultaneous love and hatred you hold for him, but one day you will learn to move on and find closure, and you are going to be okay, just like Max said.
There is a knock on the door, and you can hear your name being called again, this time in the soft and squeaky voice of a little girl. “I’m here,” you answer, and peeking behind the gap in the door is Laura with a cheeky grin on her face. Kevin leads her inside your driver's room with an apologetic smile, “Hey, sorry… Laura says she wants to play with you and insists that I bring her here.” 
You watch as Laura crawls up into the seat next to you and Max, looking at you with the brightest toothy little grin ever, and your lips begin pulling up into a huge smile as well. “Is it okay if she plays here for a while? I’ve got a team meeting in 5 and she never likes coming to those…” Kevin asks apologetically before relief floods his expression when you answer him, “It would be lovely to have a little playdate with Laura.”
“Alrighty, see you later little one,” Kevin leans down to place a kiss on his daughter’s head, reminding her to be a good kid when he is away for the meeting, and you smile at the sight. Not an envious one, or a reminiscent one, but one of contentment because you know that one day you will be able to receive and give such unconditional love to someone too.
Someday, it will be okay. You will be okay.
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pt VI good omens s1e2, a totally all-inclusive summary i remember everything
i don't, that's a lie. i lie like aziraphale, rarely and badly but with great gaslight energy.
alright well let's not dawdle for 6000 years, i'll forget what i DO remember.
An angel named Gabriel who is not Jimbriel yet, so a foetus Jimbriel, gets into Aziraphale's bookstore and yells about pornography to keep humans from following him into Aziraphale's secret back chamber.
What they do there, I do not know. It is up to speculation. They talk and Aziraphale is flustered about Crowley, I think, but that's the whole show so far.
The intro sequence remains strange. Cartoon Aziraphale is an impregnated chicken, cartoon Crowley is the baby daddy.
There are witch hunters and they want to burn Agnes Nutter alive. I don't know who Anges Nutter is yet.
We cut to Agnes Nutter and I know I will never forget her. She is beautiful and a BAMF. A MILF. An absolute bombshell.
The bombshell part is literal. They set her on fire and she explodes, killing all those in a 100 metre radius. I want to be her.
I assume it is a witch thing, but then find out she put bombs under her skirts. I want to be her, but more ardently.
There is a book. She writes prophecies in it.
There are horsemen of the apocalypse, which I forgot was still happening. We are in present day.
War kills everyone. She is pretty. She is not Warlock, the kid whom Aziraphale and Crowley raised.
Famine is a sexy beast, and runs Michelin star restaurants. He likes tiny food. He is developing foodless food.
If there are others, I do not notice. There could be. There really could be. There probably are.
There is a girl who scribbles on the book from earlier. She grows up. I think she is War. I am wrong. This is probably a good time to mention to Tumblr that I have mild issues with facial recognition, which is totally not going to affect my understanding of what is happening at all.
She is named Anathema. That could be someone else. What is real? Not Neil Gaiman.
She finds the Antichrist and the Them, and they are all playing at a witch hunt. The Antichrist does not have an aura. Yellow is fear. Yellow is joy. I lose track of what is happening for several scenes.
Newt is works in an office. There is a power cut. Newt no longer works at an office.
Newt joins a witch hunt.
There is a delivery man. I think he is Newt. I am wrong. His name is something resembling Judy. It is an easy mistake, everyone's reaction to not-Newt-maybe-Judy is the same as that to Newt, deep protective love.
Crowley and Aziraphale steal a Bentley. Find a Bentley? I am unsure. I am too busy looking at Crowley.
Crowley speeds. Crowley likes speeding. They hit a motorbike that has maybe-Anathema. They pick her up and take her to a house somewhere. The Bentley plays Queen music. Everyone is very excited about this. Beepop.
Maybe-Anathema enters the house. This could have been before she finds the Antichrist. But if the show isn't linear I don't have to be either, I decide.
Crowley and Aziraphale panic a lot, but find time to eye each other hungrily and lovingly. They have priorities, and I respect that.
Crowley yells at his plants to grow better. He pretends to kill one of them. I cannot believe I was entirely right about my interpretation of that GIF. I am filled with confused anger. Later I find out that he is projecting how heaven told him he was a disappointment and threw him out. I am no longer angry. I am sad. This is an ongoing thing when it comes to Crowley.
A major plot point is Dog, the best friend of the Antichrist, having a face off with a fat tabby cat. Dog loses. It was doomed from the start.
Aziraphale gaslights gatekeeps and girlbosses. He assures heaven that everything is under control. It is not. That is okay. I think.
Heaven asks about Crowley. Aziraphale gets flustered. This is as per usual and he assures them that he is battling Crowley, who keeps him on his toes. I not-so-privately think that Crowley keeps him on his knees, really.
Things happen. I'm too busy thinking about Aziraphale's puppy eyes. He is a bitchy sweetheart. I love him.
More things happen. I'm too busy thinking about Crowley's sexy hips and shoulders and, well, everything.
The episode ends. I am still thinking about Crowley. I am always thinking about Crowley. Everyone is always thinking about Crowley.
This... this is all I remember. Have it, Tumblr.
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percervall · 7 months
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all I've learnt has been overturned
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pairing: Kevin Magnussen x fem!reader, Lewis Hamilton x fem!reader, Mark Webber x fem!reader words: 958 warnings: fluff
In which Agnes has learnt from the best
You’d think that with four parents involved, it would be easy enough to look after three children, but nothing could be further from the truth. Your youngest was easy enough, at five months the little boy was either in a stroller or a baby carrier, but with all four of you working this weekend, it becomes difficult to divide and conquer for your two oldest children. Mark is looking after Agnes who, at four years old, is fluent in three languages: English, Danish, and sass –thanks to your genes and the influence of her uncle Nano. Your middle child, Margot, is a spritely 2-year-old and the spitting image of her dad, Lewis, and currently hanging out with her godfather Sebastian, while Lewis and Kevin get ready for the race. Which leaves you with your 5-month-old son, Luke. Just like his sisters, he will sleep peacefully through the hustle and bustle of the paddock while you get ready to go on air. When Lewis joined Ferrari, you stayed at Mercedes, but it became increasingly more difficult to balance your career and motherhood. And then Jenson approached you with an opportunity to go into commentary for Sky Sports. At first you weren’t sure whether you’d be the right person for the job, but Jenson and your husbands were quick to dispel that concern. The biggest selling point was the flexibility; you could pick which races you’d attend as part of the media team meaning you and Mark had an easier time splitting the main responsibilities during race weekends. And now that the lead producer for the F1 broadcast is a woman, it was even easier to be a working mum because it was no problem to bring your baby and be on air with them in a baby wrap strapped to your chest. Although you have a feeling that being the wife of also helped in getting this privilege written into your contract. 
You’re in the middle of analysing the interesting pit strategy from Alpine post race when you spot your oldest running towards you. Mark shoots you an apologetic look from where he’s on air with Channel 4, but all you can do is shrug. It’s the Monaco Grand Prix and having grown up here, Agnes feels more than comfortable in the paddock. Jenson is quick to scoop her up, hoisting her up on his hip while you finish.
“What was your favourite part today, princess?” he asks her, moving the microphone in front of her.
“The ice cream at Ferrari. Mr Fred always has sprinkles. Oh, and when daddy got wet!” Agnes replies, clearly prioritising the treats over Lewis’ podium finish, much to the amusement of your colleagues. Jenson segues easily into discussing his thoughts on the race while Agnes waves at some of the drivers passing by. You’re slightly on edge having her on air. Last year during the Monza GP, the little girl was caught on camera telling Nico Hulkenberg suck my balls when she and Kevin walked past him. Of course the clip went viral; how could it not with the girl repeating her father’s comments to his teammate. You can’t lie, it was very funny to hear those words come out of your then 3-year-old’s mouth. 
You’re nearing the end of the broadcast and you relax slightly until your daughter spots one of her uncles and brother’s godfathers. 
“Oh no,” you mutter, but there’s nothing you can do now Agnes sees Fernando. 
“Cabrón!” Agnes shouts, and makes a little heart sign with her hands. You cover your eyes, groaning while Jenson laughs. To make matters worse, Fernando jogs over.
“Are you causing chaos again, preciosa?” he asks her while Simon hands him a microphone. 
“Uhu!” Agnes replies, looking very pleased with herself.
“How about we go find your dad before you cause any more, hm?” Fernando says and lifts her onto his shoulders. The girl holds on to his head as she chatters away about how she got ice cream with sprinkles, and did you know that orange sprinkles don’t taste like oranges? Isn’t that so silly uncle Nano?
“I swear we raised her better than that,” you manage to utter as they walk away.
“Fernando’s teaching her all the important things,” Jenson chuckles, “She’ll be able to hold her own once she gets to F1 if she chooses to follow her dads’ footsteps.” 
“And on that note,” Simon says, “here’s what’s coming up today on SkySports.” 
“It could’ve been worse,” Kevin says while giving Luke his bottle. You’re all sat at the Ferrari hospitality before he and Lewis are needed for the debrief. You look to where Agnes is playing football with Charles and sigh.
“True, she could’ve flipped him off,” Lewis adds, handing Margot a couple of crayons and her colouring book.
“Don’t remind me,” you groan. It had taken the four of you weeks to get her to stop doing that.
“As if Fernando would’ve complained, he’s the one that taught her in the first place,” Mark chuckles. 
“Will you please ask him to stop teaching our children all the naughty words? And I mean that for any and all languages,” you ask him. Mark presses a kiss against your temple.
“Of course. He’s coming to dinner tonight and I’ll speak to him about it.” Every year since the four of you moved to Monaco, Mark organises a BBQ after the Monaco Grand Prix. It’s a large undertaking, feeding most of the grid plus a couple of the former drivers, but it’s nice to see everyone relax. It always serves as a reminder that family is made and chosen. You know your children will grow up surrounded by so much love, and that alone is worth the stack of dishes afterwards.
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I was meant to be writing a Carlos smut fic. Oh well 🙈
Agnes' personality was inspired by this TikTok. Like, she is her father's daughter. Oh, and because I have a feeling people will ask:
Agnes - 4, Kevin's biological child Margot - 2, Lewis' biological child Luke - 5 months, Mark's biological child
Please let me know what you think! Your comments, tags, and likes mean the world to me 💜
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quasi-normalcy · 4 months
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I know I say that modern Star Trek hasn't really introduced very many original villains, but that's not quite fair., So...
Comprehensive list of new villains offered by modern Star Trek (post 2017)
BA'UL
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Why They're villains: They oppressed the Kelpiens on Kaminar for thousands of years and lied about their origins. Pros: Notably creepy design, and notably creepy technology Cons: They can't really be used as recurring villains because the Kelpiens overthrew them at the end of the episode; 900 years later, they'd become allies.
CONTROL(technically borrowed from the novels, but whatever):
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Why They're Villains: Did that standard basic bitch evil computer move where they tried to wipe out all organic life in the galaxy. Pros: Um...at least the writers got it out of the way so that they couldn't make that particular aspect of the novelverse canon.
Cons:
CONTROL sucks.
Seriously, at their best, they're just like...Diet Borg. Fuck CONTROL.
Can't come back because Emperor Georgiou murdered it up but good, yum yum. Not that you would want it to.
HIGHER SYNTHETICS:
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Why They're Villains: "Just ring us up and we'll come kill all organic life in your galaxy", lol.
Pros:
Tentacular
Introduces some cosmic horror to the Star Trek universe.
Cons:
Kind of a generic doomsday villain.
Too powerful to really use them again.
GELRAKIANS:
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Why They're Villains: Turn hostile if you show them wood.
Pros: Umm...
Cons:
Completely obsessed with crystals
Not really prime "recurring villain" material
DROOKMANI:
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Why They're Villains: Extremely territorial about their salvage.
Pros: So far, they're the first villains on this list who have actually been recurring
Cons: They don't really seem like a threat to any ship more powerful than California class.
BADGEY:
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Pros: "I will burn! Your heart! In a fiiiiiiiire!"
Why He's a Villain: Daddy issues.
Cons:
Kind of a one-note joke.
Ascended to a higher plane of existence so he can't be come back.
AGIMUS & PEANUT HAMPER:
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Why They're Villains: He's a tyrannical supercomputer! She's just kind of a bitchy robot! Together they're...legitimately just making each other into better people?
Pros: They're kind of adorable?
Cons:
They're not really villains anymore
Peanut Hamper shouldn't even be on this list since Exocomps were from TNG.
SPECIES 10-C:
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Why They're Villains: Gravitationally dredging the Milky Way for dark matter.
Pros:
Kind of a cool concept
Not a type of alien that Star Trek has really done before.
Cons:
Not really villains.
Extremely unlikely to recur.
TRANSWARP CONDUIT ALIENS:
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Cons:
Why They're Villains: They, uh, opened up a big-ass transwarp conduit in the middle of Federation space for some reason.
Pros: Umm. They gave Agnes something to do in the finale.
Blatantly just created at the last minute to justify the presence of the Borg at the beginning of the season.
By the writers' own admission, they never had any actual intent to follow up on them, even though they really ought to.
They're a complete blank slate; even more so than the Higher Synthetics. Who are they? Dunno. What do they want? Dunno.
Honestly I don't even care about them, I just want to see more Jurati-Borg
VAU N'AKAT
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Why They're Villains: They blame the Federation for destroying their planet in the future.
Pros:
It's nice to actually have an original alien species as arc villains for a change
I like the aesthetics of their technology
John Noble and Jameela Jamil both have really pleasant voices; like, I could listen to them all day
Space Goths
Drednok
Cons:
There's only, like, a hundred of them who came back from the future so it's not clear how much of a threat they can be without their living construct jiggerypokery.
I'm sure that this will get fleshed out in season 2, but they seem kind of underdeveloped as a culture at this point.
I assume that they'll probably make friends by the end of the series, so they probably can't be recurring antagonists elsewhere.
SHEPHERDS:
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Why They're Villains: Ancient fundamentalists amorally protecting a holy comet on its path.
Pros: It was a good episode.
Cons: Unless you run into that one specific comet, they'll probably just leave you alone.
MAJALANS:
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Why They're Villains: You know The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas? That.
Pros: It was a good short story.
Cons: Aside from ritualistically torturing a child to death every few years, they're kind of upstanding citizens of a the galactic community. Not really villain material.
HYSPERIANS:
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Why They're Villains: Their evil queen keeps trying to trick her asexual son into losing his virginity.
Pros:
Their ship is really pretty.
The concept of Ren Faire larpers getting together to make a real kingdom is kind of hilarious.
Cons:
They're just another type of human
They seem to mind their own business when they're not trying to interfere in the sex life of one specific Starfleet engineer.
KROMSAPIODS:
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Why They're Villains: They have a undeniable biological need to hunt
Pros: Kind of terrifying design
Cons: Catch-and-release hunters aren't really threatening.
MOOPSY:
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Why It's a Villain: The Moopsy DRINKS YOUR BONES!!!
Pros: Moopsy!
Cons: Moopsy!
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stumachher · 9 months
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24 DAYS OF HORROR-MAS ( 24 / 24 )
Little baby bunting, Daddy's went a-hunting, gonna fetch a rabbit skin to wrap his baby Agnes in. Black Christmas (1974) dir. Bob Clark
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foone · 1 year
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DNI if you:
Got it from Agnes
Got it from Jim
Got it from Louise (we all agree)
Got it from Harry
Got it from Marie
Got it from me (everybody knows!)
Got it from Daphne
Got it from Joan (who picked it up in County Cork, a-kissing the Blarney Stone)
Gave it to Sheila
Got it from Francois and Jacques (a-ha! Lucky Pierre)
Got it from Edith (who gets it every spring)
Got it from your Daddy (who just gives you everything)
Gave it to Daniel (whose spaniel has it now)
Your dentist even got it (and we're still wondering how?)
Got it from Agnes
Or maybe it was sue?
Or Millie
Or Billie
Or Gillie
Or Willy (IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO!)
Got it at the club
Or at the pub
Or in the loo
And fair warning, before you follow, if you will be my friend, then I might (mind you, I said "might"!) give it to you!
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w98pops · 1 year
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the text reads:
[WENDY EASTWOOD
"My daddy always said, that the best way to do the dirty work is on full stomach."]
my wendy card from a little (very big and cool) fallout cardswop project thats going on rn :)
more about the project under the cut, and you really should read it because its super fun
SO me and 25 other very cool people from a big russian-speaking fallout circle ganged up 😈 and made a functional deck (36 cards) that you can play AND swap for other cards by meeting in person (moscow and st. petersburg mostly) or by mail.
this is kinda one of the coolest projects I ever took a part in 😭
It's a pretty local thing, BUT you can still appreciate all the work and love of these AMAZING people on this site:
It's on russian, but you can't miss the giant gallery of cards people made, check them out i BEG you.
Some of the people that worked on it (who are conveniently my mutuals):
@nataliens with her jack of cards, Josh
@fisatheape with their Sunny (seven of clubs), and Agnes (jack of clubs)
@auntiemurdoc with her Stella (king of spades), Faith (nine of hearts) and Linda (joker)
@crystallizedmiracle with her Raphael (ace of clubs) and Ramira (six of clubs)
AND OF COURSE @kapi-tanka with characters who need literally no introduction 😭 Oscar (ace of hearts) and Andy (joker). Kap is the mastermind behind this insanely cool thing.
@yelly-ink with her Punch (nine of clubs)
@medmedom with his Ed (ten of hearts)
And a lot A LOT of other people i didn't mention, but this is just kinda the list of my mutuals you're REQUIRED to follow, or I'm blocking you. They are so nice and so sweet and I had so much fun talking in our group chat and drawing the cards it's just. An unforgettable experience.
Yeah, i said card—s because there will be more!! We will be doing the "dlc" pack of cards to complete the deck to full 52+ with a gajillion bonus cards (which will include a one silly guy of mine and one not so silly guy of mine. i think y'all know who im talking about). SO STAY TUNED.
❤️❤️❤️
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Who is the Sexiest Fictional Podcast Character?
After receiving 219 submissions for 152 characters from 52 podcasts and a round of preliminaries, we have our brackets!*
*20 characters from the podcast Welcome to Night Vale will appear later in a Night Vale-only bracket.
Round 1:
Scripted Bracket
Isabel Lovelace (Wolf 359) vs Cyrille (5 Minuten Harry Podcast)
Krejjh (The Strange Case of Starship Iris) vs Lady Ethel Mallory (Hello From The Hallowoods)
Lord Arum (The Penumbra Podcast: Second Citadel) vs The Witch Queen A.K.A. Daughter Dooley (Old Gods of Appalachia
Warren Kepler (Wolf 359) vs Ashley "Ash" Ramis (Georgie Romero is Done For)
Brutus Feels (Kane and Feels) vs Shan (SPINES)
Sir Caroline (The Penumbra Podcast: Second Citadel) vs The Dragon Narrator (Unseen)
Alé (The Penumbra Podcast: Second Citadel) vs Hester/The Narrator (Within The Wires: Season 1)
Thistle/The Woman (Alice Isn't Dead) vs Sam Bailey (The Sheridan Tapes)
Peter Nureyev (The Penumbra Podcast: Juno Steel) vs Butt (Pounded In The Butt By My Own Podcast: Episode 1)
Alice (Alice Isn't Dead) vs Diggory Graves (Hello From the Hallowoods)
Antigone Funn (Wooden Overcoats) vs Ryan Dallas (EOS 10)
Martin Blackwood (The Magnus Archives) vs Galileo (Let's Make A Music)
Lucifer Kane (Kane and Feels) vs Gin (Story Break: Heaven Heist)
Amaryllis of Exile (The Penumbra Podcast: Second Citadel) vs Mabel Martin (Mabel)
Pilot Pereya (The Penumbra Podcast: Juno Steel) vs Hester Oleta (Within The Wires: Season 1)
Strelitzia (Additional Postage Required) vs Harold "HBD" Bastion Demetrius (The Soft-Boiled Detective)
Akmazian (EOS 10) vs Everyone from The Strange Case of Starship Iris
Damien (The Bright Sessions) vs Mari Datuin (Hi Nay)
Count Dracula (Re: Dracule) vs Static Man (Archive 81)
Dragana Vukovic (The White Vault) vs Elias Bouchard (The Magnus Archives)
Agnes Montague (The Magnus Archives) vs Vega Rex (Vega: A Sci-Fi Adventure Podcast!)
Mina Murray (Re: Dracula) vs Nicholas Waters (Archive 81)
Mark Bryant (The Bright Sessions) vs Laura (Hi Nay)
Georgie Crusoe (Wooden Overcoats) vs Kate Burnham (The Bridge)
Keisha (Alice Isn't Dead) vs SAYER (SAYER)
Chance Sequoyah (The Penumbra Podcast) vs Yaretzi (Hello From The Hallowoods)
Buddy Aurinko (The Penumbra Podcast: Juno Steel) vs Dane (Dreamboy)
Sadie Doyle (Thrilling Adventure Hour: Beyond Belief) vs Hera (Wolf 359)
Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives) vs The CryptoNaturalist (The CryptoNaturalist)
Rita (The Penumbra Podcast: Juno Steel) vs Lou (Archive 81)
Dr. Joan Bright (The Bright Sessions) vs Ashvin Beeharee (Hi Nay)
Renée Minkowski (Wolf 359) vs Clara Page (Who is Aldrich Kemp)
Unscripted Bracket
Pickman (Friends at the Table: Sangfielle) vs The Shadow Man ('Til Death Do Us Blart)
Beacon (The Adventure Zone: Amnesty vs Glenn Close (Dungeons and Daddies)
Oscar Wilde (Rusty Quill Gaming) vs Grand Magnificent (Friends at the Table: Twilight Mirage)
Taako (The Adventure Zone: Balance) vs Bathin (Stella Firma)
Lup (The Adventure Zone: Balance) vs Sago Glegg (Rotating Heroes: Arc 6)
Sans Undertale (Interstitial: Our Hearts Intertwined: Authority) vs M. Leopold Duvall (Friends at the Table: Sangfielle)
Duck Newton (The Adventure Zone: Amnesty) vs Chine (Friends at the Table: Sangfielle)
Tryst Valentine (Campaign: Star Wars) vs Mini Smithson (Chapter and Multiverse: Masks)
Gable (Campaign: Skyjacks) vs Hector Hu (Friends at the Table: Bluff City)
Michael (The Adventure Zone: Dust) vs Nicky Close (Dungeons and Daddies
Zolf Smith (Rusty Quill Gaming) vs Fourteen Fifteen (Friends at the Table: Twilight Mirage)
Coco Cashmere (Hey Riddle Riddle) vs Trexel Geistman (Stella Firma)
Killian Fangbattle (The Adventure Zone: Balance) vs Henrietta Salm (Pest Control: Fate)
Kalvin Brnine (Friends at the Table: PALISADE) vs Lye "Lyke" Lichen (Friends at the Table: Sangfielle)
Indrid Cold (The Adventure Zone: Amnesty) vs Rigour (Friends at the Table: COUNTER/Weight)
Chunt (Hello From The Magic Tavern) vs Suvirin Kedberiket (Worlds Beyond Number: The Wizard, The Witch, and the Wild One)
Tender Sky (Friends at the Table: Twilight Mirage) vs Pox (NeoScum)
The Firbolg (The Adventure Zone: Graduation) vs Ron Stampler (Dungeons and Daddies)
Azu (Rusty Quill Gaming) vs Hadrian (Friends at the Table: Seasons of Hieron)
Moonshine Cybin (Not Another D&D Podcast: Bahumia) vs Caspian (Just Roll With It: Riptide)
Amber Gris (The Adventure Zone: Ethersea) vs Jens Lyndelle (Not Another D&D Podcast: Trinvyvale)
Perennial (Friends at the Table: PARTIZAN and PALISADE) vs Throndir (Friends at the Table: Seasons of Hieron)
Nadiya Jones (The Adventure Zone: Commitment) vs Ibex (Friends at the Table: COUNTER/Weight)
Cassander Timaeus Berenice (Friends at the Table: COUNTER/Weight) vs Tech Wizard (NeoScum)
Vermillion "Milli" Blue (Friends at the Table: PARTIZAN) vs Dak Rambo (NeoScum)
Rainer (The Adventure Zone: Graduation) vs Mercedes Oak-Garcia (Dungeons and Daddies)
Thisbe (Friends at the Table: PARTIZAN and PALISADE) vs Echo Reverie (Friends at the Table: Twilight Mirage)
Kravitz (The Adventure Zone: Balance) vs Henry Hogfish (Not Another D&D Podcast)
Aubrey Little (The Adventure Zone: Amnesty) vs Glenfyr "Glen" Gladewyn (Not Another D&D Podcast
Cel Sidebottom (Rusty Quill Gaming) vs Adelaide Tristé (Friends at the Table: Seasons of Hieron)
Kardala (The Adventure Zone: Commitment) vs Jacqui Green (Friends at the Table: COUNTER/Weight)
Hella Varal (Friends at the Table: Seasons of Hieron) vs (Former) Confessor Bartholomew Lamentations (The Unexplored Places: Ruin's Gate)
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