#cw threats of suicide

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[notaplaceofhonour]

it’s october 7th. you hear about the attack by seeing people you followed glorifying the terrorist attack—a massacre, a pogrom—as victory & justified resistance, glorifying a terrorist group that was founded with the explicit intent to kill your entire people

you make a post in which you make it clear you support palestinians and oppose the ways israel has wronged them, explaining that the terrorist group is still not good. you know you will probably get some flacc from the pro-Hamas side, but naively underestimate how much.

you get thousands of notifications on that one post, the majority of them hateful comments.

some of the response is positive. multiple messages thank you for the post, expressing bafflement that it’s controversial.

a few Israelis are upset at the loaded language in your post, but explain their problems with it civilly. you called Israel “apartheid”. they ask you what apartheid laws Israel has. you admit you honestly don’t know.

your inbox is flooded with anonymous hate from anti-Israel leftists.

over the course of a few weeks you have received hundreds of death threats, a dozen rape threats. people accuse you of being pro-genocide. you’re a literal Nazi. you’re racist, you thirst for the blood of Palestinians. you’re brainwashed by propaganda, a shill for The Zionist Entity. a few of the hate messages are from literal Neo-Nazis; the overwhelming majority are from leftists, many of them queer.

you are considering suicide.

you see footage of the october 7th attacks. you see footage of the bombings in gaza. you see footage of a Jewish man being murdered at an anti-Israel rally.

a popular creator you follow posts in support of an antisemitic hate group that masquerades as a Jewish organization. this organization regularly posts blood libel and other antisemitic rhetoric, works with groups that are even more explicitly antisemitic, including celebrating October 7th, holocaust inversion, blood libel, “Khazar theory” and others. more than one of the orgs they work with is pro-Putin.

your former roommate liked the post.

graffiti appears on a street you frequent that says “#freepalestine” and “end settler colonialism”

the boyfriend of the friend you spent most of the summer with makes his first post about the war. it’s a reposted comic that mocks and downplays the october 7th attack.

you doubt he’ll be receptive to criticism. he’s shared leftist memes about “monied elites” pulling all the strings and evangelicals being modern day “pharisees” in the past, and getting him to understand why that was antisemitic was like herding cats. you try anyway.

another of his Jewish friends also pushes back. he smugly dismisses her, tells her she’s falling for Zionist propaganda and uses several antisemitic tropes. you go off on him. he just deletes your comment.

you give up. you’re done. you block him.

you see anti-Israel posters and billboards around town

you mention what happened with the guy you went off on to his girlfriend—the friend you’ve grown very close to, who you’ve been listening to as she unburdens her fears for the future and complains about her bf’s BS over the last year. she doesn’t respond to you.

a friend of a friend shares posts tokenizing fringe groups that spread blood libel and have collaborated with holocaust deniers. you know they don’t know what you know, so you explain what those groups are. they seem somewhat receptive, apologize, and take it down

the next day they share several more posts that dip into antisemitic tropes. you mention this to your mutual friend, that you’re worried about them being radicalized. you’re not sure how receptive they’ll be to continued criticism

you have a confrontation with the foaf. in the meantime they’ve shared even more antisemitic posts. they say they didn’t mean to cause you distress but instead of stopping they effectively block you.

the “end settler colonialism” vandalism has been counter-vandalized with the words “commie propaganda” in place of “settler colonialism”. you don’t know if this is an improvement.

a month passes. the friend whose bf you went off on still hasn’t spoken to you. you see she shared a post defending an SJP chapter that posted Nazi cartoon caricatures of Jews repurposed in “Anti-Zionist” memes. you unfriend her on all social media platforms but you can’t bring yourself to block her number.

you see a friend of someone whose couch you surfed when you were homeless harassing Jewish celebrities with “Free Palestine” comments. you block them.

you’ve lost count of how many people you’ve unfollowed or blocked, or who’ve blocked you. friends, content creators.

when a friend takes an unusually long time to respond you worry if it’s because of your posts about antisemitism.

most of the podcasts, youtube channels, and other content creators you regularly engaged with no longer feel safe. you wonder who will be next

a couple friends wish you a happy hanukkah. you don’t celebrate much aside from lighting the hanukkiah and making some latkes.

you see posts about a destroyed chabad menorah, antisemitic comments on Jewish celebrities’ Hanukkah posts.

your neighborhood is covered in pro-Palestine & anti-Israel posters. some are seemingly innocuous, some are JVP “not in our name” posters. some call for intifada. “globalize the intifada” “Zionists fuck off!” “solidarity means attack!”

a man kills himself shouting “free palestine”. you learn about his suicide by seeing posts from several popular accounts you followed glorifying it.

you follow a bunch of jewish accounts on social media and commiserate with them about everything happening

your jewish friends post screenshots of the dead man’s antisemitic, pro-Hamas views. you look at his reddit and find even more horrific shit: anti-Ukraine posts. mocking Zelensky. “elites” are “lizard people”; the only named individual he calls a lizard person is Jewish. you start to notice a pattern: a lot of the people he dislikes just so happen to be jews.

several people you know share a post glorifying this man’s suicide. most are acquaintances, one is someone incredibly important to you.

you wonder how they would respond to your suicide.

you tell the close friend that shared this post how it scares you. you show them the receipts of the man’s antisemitism. their response is a single sentence. they didn’t know about the antisemitism.

they don’t apologize.

you notice none of your irl friends, even your closest ones, interact with your posts about antisemitism. you are able to vent to a couple friends, but no one has reach out to you

you try not to read into it. you try not to take it personally.

you haven’t slept well in months. you’ve always been an insomniac but not like this. you’re not sleeping until 4am, 6am, even 9am. even when you get to bed at a decent hour and get a full night’s rest it takes you hours to get out of bed.

a few weeks go by. the friend with the single sentence response shares a post saying they’re excited and proud to join a group to help palestinians. you’re excited and proud for them.

a couple days later, they share a post about a fundraiser to help a palestinian family get out of gaza. you note to yourself this is a much more effective & less concerning form of activism than the pro-suicidal antisemite post.

your friend shares another post about the fundraiser. it’s a joint post between their group and another group.

you open the other group’s page

the page is just a wall of signs from rallies. you swipe through one after another: “from the river to the sea”, “by any means necessary”, justifying/denying the atrocities of october 7th, calling for violent revolution. anything done in the name of resistance can’t be terrorism, all Israelis are terrorists. Jews aren’t indigenous; they’re white colonizers. holocaust inversion. other vile, thinly veiled violent rhetoric

you feel sick to your stomach imagining talking to your friend about it.

you already feel like you’re burdening the few friends you can talk to about this. you already feel like you think about it too much, talk about it too much. but you can’t not think about it; it affects every aspect of your life.

you’ve filtered out relevant keywords on more than one social media site to avoid the worst of it. some still manages to leak through.

there isn’t a single friend you regularly interact with that you don’t fear the moment when they will switch from listening to your concerns to seeing you as the evil zionist or indoctrinated hasbaranik they’ve been warned about.

it’s not an irrational fear. it keeps happening. you knew it would then, and you were powerless to do anything about it before, and you continue to be as it happens again and again.

you don’t know what to do about any of it.

[transexualpirate]

ok last thing ill say on this i promise but to be perfectly fair i do think that jkr gets more hate than other equally as bad people and that's mostly because other people as bad as her are usually men and/or not nearly as famous as her. famous people get more hate and famous women even more. lotta respect to the people that call out the misogynistic statements made about her without ignoring the fact that she kind of sucks.

this is not to say she doesn't deserve hate but some of the shit y'all say (not just about her tbh but we're talking about her rn) really cross any and all boundaries. as someone who's been at the receiving end of it im repulsed and disgusted by the terfs that send death and rape threats and suicide bait trans people but i am also repulsed and disgusted by anyone that send death and rape threats and suicide bait terfs, yes, even trans people. none of that is excusable in my eyes and the only acceptable exception to it is bolsonaro. i am not a perfect person id suicide bait the fuck out of that bitch /hj

[ladyloveandjustice]

honestly when I see a mutual or even just follower of mine straight up tell someone to kill themselves...like a person they're talking to not like. someone who's not going to see it, like a celebrity or something, though I'm not fond of that either...I am deeply considering blocking you and never talking to you again. Suicide baiting is not something you should ever fucking do. It's something that's very serious to me as someone's who had to go to outpatient for suicidal depression just a few years ago, and who has had many loved ones struggle with it and felt the terror that comes with that.

It might be nothing to you. But a depressed person even seeing someone online tell someone else to kill themselves can be triggering. source: I literally had a hard time going online because I was scared of seeing that, and when I did it set me off. Had to block a lot of people in 2020.

this is all to say, if you don't have the guts to actually murder someone, don't say that shit, you fuckin' wuss. Challenge them to a fight to the death on the street like an honorable human being filled with hate and malice.

[jackrabbitcollective]

PETEY DONT SAY THAT

O...

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

Guys I’ve officially been told to off myself for “being racist” because I’m not a fan of a lot of rap music lmao

(Also someone tagged like 30 of my posts with #aro ace safe place for all (white only) which is a level of petty and stupidly that made me cackle lmao)

[mayasaura]

I think. I don't think Coronabeth is going to kill Ianthe. I think it's way more likely she's going to kill herself. Like she's apparently been threatening for years, as a way of manipulating Ianthe.

After all, she is the worse twin. And this series hasn't been shy about framing suicide as the worst thing one person can do to another

[borderline-culture-is]

bpd culture is threatening to kill yourself over every minor inconvenience and trauma dumping to anyone who will listen

.

[yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt]

I am always losing my mind over this scene from the comic when Nimona is rampaging through the city, killing people and Ballister and Ambrosius have their trillionth Little Argument of the series.

More specifically I'd like to focus on how Nimona has at this point tried to kill Ballister by breathing fire on him and already killed like. Everyone working at the Institution Facility they were at and probably a great many civilians and Ballister says that, if he's able to calm her down, he is going to pretend like it never happened. A testament to the bond and love between them.

But he says this to Ambrosius.

Ambrosius who has been waiting for him to "get over" his betrayal for fifteen years. A ridiculous favor to expect. But imagine how it would feel to have just come off a conversation about how what you did can't ever be forgiven and how things can never return to the way they once were with the person you love. And then they express their willingness to immediately forgive someone else, who did arguably worse, to them and to others, than you did.

It's obviously a different situation. What Nimona did comes off as more of an outburst than a betrayal. But I don't think Ambrosius would see it that way.

And this is the moment he decides to fight Nimona, believing fully that he will be killed. He doesn't care if Ballister gets him the device or agrees to help him because he has no intention to survive. He intends only to keep her occupied long enough to maybe save a few more lives, hoping to buy enough time for someone to maybe figure out how to kill her. He intends to try his best, but I don't think he was arrogant enough to believe he would live. Especially based on the later line, when Ballister insists that he WILL die,

"I've never done anything good in my entire life. Maybe I can't stop her. But I have to at least try."

Ambrosius heard that the person he loved was willing to forgive someone else, but not him. He's already lost the job he sacrificed this relationship for. This is the moment he decides he wants to at least die a hero, the moment he decides to carry out his thinly veiled suicide attempt.

[anti-rq-gumi]

Hello, I just got sent this ask (I left the RQC recently), I'm a minor and I genuinely don't know what else to do about this but I feel like people need to know?? This is what happens when you leave this community.

(Do what you want with this ask, answer it directly, answer it in a post where you can put the screenshot under the cut so you can put a trigger warning on it just please please respond I need a response about this)

God what the fuck. I’m so sorry someone sent this to you. /gen

Anyway. What you should do about this is tap/click on the profile picture of the anon, which gives you the option to report the ask. Tumblr will then show you the list of options to choose from below.

Anything I’ve marked in green is fine for you to choose. I’d choose violent content or threat if it were me, for example. Don’t do suicide or self-harm concern for this because Tumblr will think you’re talking about the asker instead of yourself.

Then just explain the meaning of what the asker has said in a sentence or two. Tumblr will ask for the email address associated with your account and a CAPTCHA response, and that’s all it takes to report them! I hope appropriate action is taken and you don’t receive any more death threats. Wishing you the best.

[fictionkinfessions]

At this point, so many people call me a bad person and say I should just die that I don't know if I could ever be a good person.

w

[real-britishantarcticterritories]

slit

oh hello, you little shithead, how wonderful it is to see you in my fucking inbox

I’m honestly kinda glad you showed up, because I want to make it very fucking clear that encouraging suicides in minors is fucking disgusting and also very illegal

you’re so fucking lucky that there’s an anonymous feature in this website, otherwise you could face genuine jailtime for encouraging serious self-harming behaviours

I hope that in enough time, you’ll have matured enough to realise what a shitty person you were, and you’ll be ashamed of your behaviour

frankly, you deserve words a million times harsher than I can give, but that’d be giving you more attention, which is clearly what you’re after here

you’re a sad fucking troll, go hide in the cave you came from and continue your miserable fucking life, like I know you will

I have nothing but utter tucking contempt for you, you worthless fucking excuse of a human being

[vividstardustrevolution]

Fun fact: Futa is *not* the canon system character in MILGRAM!

...Neither is Yuno...

[Text Transcription: "Let's just do it, please smile?"]

...Haruka's not either...

[Text Transcription: "My loneliness was desired"]

...nope, not Shidou either...

Amane isn't canonically a system either, but I definitely understand the people who think she might be or headcanon her as such, especially after "The Purge March".

[Text Transcription 1: "It's the beginning of a most wonderful day"]

[Text Transcription 2: "With pure, unsullied body and soul,"]

No, Kazui's not the canon system either.

[Text Transcription: "All these memories and you Only if I could erase them"]

Where, then...?

Ah, I found him!

Hi Mikoto!

[Text Transcription 1: "It's like what's wrong isn't wrong"]

[Text Transcription 2: "I'm already the fake one"]

...but y'know, it is kinda funny that at least 7/10 of the MILGRAM prisoners have two versions of themselves on screen interacting with each other (I don't remember Muu, Mahiru, or Kotoko having scenes like that, but let me know if I'm wrong, and Kotoko still has Deep Cover coming, too), and yet only one of them is a canon system. Yes, you can explain Haruka and Amane's as self-abuse and dissociation, Futa's, Shidou's, and Kazui's as dissociation, and Yuno as compartmentalizing herself and how she acts around different people, but still.

It's interesting how it's only seemingly portrayed negatively with Mikoto, too, although to be fair, Haruka and Amane both hurt the other versions of themselves in their interactions (Haruka looks down on and pushes and chokes the younger version of himself, and Amane looks down on herself and sends herself into the water), but...still, that feels different from Mikoto's case. Maybe it's because in the cases of 010203050708, we know that the other them they're interacting with is still them, but in Mikoto's case, we don't know that. Haruka, Yuno, Futa, Shidou, Kazui, and Amane's "other selves" aren't treated as evil (or, if they are, it's not to the same extent that we see Mikoto's alter (or alters, if you're one of the people who believes in one of the Trikoto theories out there) treated as evil and inhuman).

Now, I do think that you can argue in good faith that part of why Mikoto's DID gets demonized so hard in MeMe is because Mikoto is slowly coming to the realization that he's a system and has some internalized ableism to deal with regarding that (because internalized ableism isn't uncommon regardless of the disorder involved; it's not true for every system that there's internalized ableism, but it makes sense for Mikoto "I'm just a normal guy; what do you mean I'm a murderer?" Kayano). However, I don't think that completely explains the demonization that Mikoto deals with. We see it with his interactions with Kotoko. That interrogation answer where Shidou says, "Since Mikoto became 'like that,' the smoking group stopped really interacting," shows that Shidou seems to be uncomfortable with Mikoto now that his DID has been outed. The fact that Haruka is the only person who willingly interacted with Mikoto since trial two started (the only other person Mikoto has interacted with is Kotoko, and he was the one who approached her because similar to him, everyone is avoiding the fuck out of Kotoko) shows that most people are avoiding Mikoto. (Granted, Mikoto was kind of an ass to Futa and Amane, and Mahiru was busy not fucking dying, but what about the rest of the group?) In fact, the fact that the characters are treating Mikoto (who, while kind of a jerk, has not physically attacked anyone as far as we know and only fought Kotoko in self-defense) the same way they're treating Kotoko (who literally attacked three people, damaged Futa's eye with her baton, nearly killed Mahiru, attacked Mikoto, and is generally an asshole (/affectionate) and has been an asshole to all but two people in the cast) is telling me that the majority of the cast sees him the same way they see her - threatening and dangerous - and it's likely that he's seen as dangerous mostly because of his DID. Even Haruka, who literally threatened to kill himself, has been checked on by two people - Futa and Muu.

...Does that seem fucked up to anyone else - that the characters seen as "dangerous," and especially Mikoto, who is being treated as a danger mostly because of his DID, are isolated and not being interacted with or checked on by most of the cast (because we all know damn well that Kotoko has not interacted with anyone since trial two started other than to chastize Kazui and tell Mikoto his existence is a crime)?

...I dunno where I'm going with this. I'm just...kinda just dumping my thoughts out and seeing where it goes.

[wisteriasymphony]

wisteria symphony be like "we have Chat Blanc at home" the Chat Blanc at home:

[mzminola]

Huh. As far as I can tell in Preboot era, none of the Robins' murder moments or near-murder moments were ever as Robin?

Damian beheaded that guy in his intro issue (idk if he had near-murder moments while Dick was Batman). Dick killed Joker (and I think one other guy?) while he was Nightwing. Jason killed as the Red Hood, and as someone with no mantle during the Lost Days arc. Stephanie (nonfatally) strangled her dad while she was Spoiler, and kicked off War Games explicitly after the end of her Robin run.

Main timeline Tim got close to killing Boomerang as Red Robin, but like Steph let her dad go, Tim let Harkness live. He thinks about it in a couple desperate situations as Robin, but quickly rejects the idea. The closest thing to near-murder he has as Robin is threatening suicide to chase off Evil Future Batman.

It's interesting! Robin doesn't kill. Characters who have been Robin or may become Robin in the future can kill or come close, but when you're in the mantle of Robin, you don't kill.

JPV, Jason, and Evil Future (erased timeline) Tim have killed while in the Batman mantle, but nobody has as Robin. Is that true in alternate timelines, dimensions, what-ifs, etc too?

[castielsprostate]

Not to tell you how to post, but someone who reblogged your don’t look to influencers post posted a death threat @ misha. you’re-only-gay-once

hi anon, thank you for letting me know!

while i HEAVILY disagree with most of misha's take on the genocide performed by isreal towards palestine, threatening death and/or violence against another human being for their opinion on a very nuanced and complicated topic is NOT something i'm okay with.

if you want to educate someone, telling them to commit suicide is NOT helpful and it will actively turn someone against you, no matter their want to be educated on said topic. besides that, it's an abhorrent thing to say to another human being. adults should know better than to say any of that shit, and so should misha collins have to even open his gob about the topic at all, but that is NOT an excuse for others to tell him to end his life or to "kill him with hammers".

please stop giving attention to celebrities when it comes to these topics in general, and instead focus your attention and effort in getting legislators and world leaders to call for a ceasefire. THAT is the most important thing right now.