#cuz i want the clans to have CULTURES!!! also yes this is a thing in the po3 au now. accept it

[britcision]

Eeeeh you just lost the lottery so we’re going to play “Cultures That Aren’t The Modern West Exist” and also basic critical thinking

Spoilers for the Adventurer’s Bible and Izutsumi’s actual backstory below, I’ll keep the dungeon stuff out of it

Because you’re right! Izutsumi was bought by the Nakamoto family as a kid, as a possession not a person. The people they bought Izutsumi from kept her almost naked in a cage and never fed her

She was part of a travelling freak show, and every single thing in her life improved after the Nakamotos bought her; she was trained, fed, treated like a person, and not punished from skimping on her chores

(Although when Inutade did them instead and hurt herself Izutsumi did get told off… by Hien, her contemporary

)

This is actually a pattern; Inutade and Benichidori were both also bought by Shuro’s father, Inutade as a prize fighter and Benichidori as a servant (presumably because she’s a tall-man)

The Nakamotos have a habit of buying young women from harsh lifestyles and training them to be ninjas, which includes feeding them, training them, and giving them a stable home where they don’t have to fear being sold again

All this for the low low price of “you’re probably going to die in their service, either of being a ninja or old age”, because that’s how the feudal system works; people in service to a noble family only have the rights that family gives them, and their lifestyle is set and maintained by that family

The Nakamotos notably seem to maintain the loyalty of their elite trained fighting women by taking them from a bad situation and giving them a better one, and all the women have to do in return is remain in service

If Toshiro’s father hadn’t bought Izutsumi, if she were still alive at all she’d be eating live rats and occasional scraps in a cage, half feral

And, just for fun: Izutsumi’s timeline

She was 10 when the Nakamotos bought her. She was 12 when the only real punishment she ever got for running away was administered…

The same babysitting curse that was put on Shuro, potential heir to the leader as a kid

(Note: personally I think this should have thrown Maizuru’s technique as a governess into question the first time it happened, but since she was only trained to be a ninja not a childcare provider it’s not all that surprising)

Raise your hands everyone who thinks a feral 10-12yo beastman, who has already been forcibly made a sideshow attraction once, would have survived

Now use that hand to slap yourself

Every fighting move she knows comes from the Nakamotos and while yes, she was not free as a bird to do what she wanted when she wanted, she’s a fucking teenager

A large chunk of her storyline is going to be her figuring out that she can’t just do what she wants when she wants, because that is how life works

She never faces consequences for having left Shuro’s team, per the comic you posted they were a little exasperated on learning she’d even broken the curse and was therefore unlikely to ever return, but no one tried to hunt her down again

Cuz now she’s old enough and trained enough to probably not immediately die

“Fully a slave” my fucking ass, all three of the girls the Nakamotos bought lived and trained alongside Hien in the same damn bedroom, whose family are established servants of the Nakamoto clan with enough status and prestige that she was raised alongside the eldest son of the clan leader

That, by the way, is a higher honour than being born into the clan directly at a lesser branch, because the heir to the fucking lordship is about as important as it gets

Chilling in the same classroom would give Hien a better education than 80% of the “free” population (likely peasants and most lesser noble families)

Shuro’s family rescued Izutsumi from a literal cage, treated her like a person for the first time since she was 6 and had her body modified against her will, raised and trained her until she was capable of actually surviving on her own, and let her go without a single consequence

She showed extremely early on and consistently that she would not be grateful, loyal, or even inclined to stick around, and while they could have significantly saved money and trouble by just letting her go when she kept trying to escape, they not only brought her back but kept training her to be actively independent and defend herself

Now, this wasn’t a pure act of charity, since she was still expected to at least partially pull her weight with chores and being a ninja

(Hmmmm yet no one’s talking about the ethics of teen ninjas)

But chattel slavery was an entirely unique form of evil that was significantly worse than the millennia of different forms of slavery being practiced across the world for an incredibly long list of reasons that absolutely none of the “OMG SHURO’S FAMILY OWNS SLAVES” are remotely ready to consider

(What the fuck do you want them to do? Personally overthrow the fucking feudal system?)

So let’s simplify to the most basic dichotomy:

You can be free, or you can be safe

(If you have any doubt of which you are, freely stop paying your bills and see what happens)

While she was too young to defend herself, Izutsumi was saved from being a sideshow attraction by Shuro’s family, and then kept safe until she was strong enough to take the freedom she clearly preferred

She’s not wrong to choose freedom, to turn her back on them at the first chance, and she’s not wrong to not feel bad about it. It’s all a valid series of choices, and she never lied about her intentions

Izutsumi deserved a loving home, and she never got it, including from Shuro’s family

But she was fed, cared for, trained in multiple valuable skills, and faced zero repercussions for taking that and running

She had her freedom the second Maizuru believed she’d survive it (by breaking the curse)

There’s a reason we see Inutade so often being so happy to be part of the Nakamoto clan’s servants

Izutsumi chose freedom

Inutade chose safety

And the wish granting fairy that is Shuro’s dad gave them both exactly what they wanted

Them not living to the happy moral standards of the American Dream probably has something to do with the story not being set in America

not to put too fine a point on it but like, isutzumi was fully 100% a slave of shuro's family

[the-dumbest-po3-au]

ok. ok consider: the clans having plays. like they dont need props, its oral tradition, different interpretations of old legends!!!!!! 

thunderclan’s plays would be hero-centric stories, w/ the typical good conquers evil in the end. moral and sometimes would have the lesson explicitly stated in the end like an aesop fable.

riverclan’s plays would have a lot of Drama and Romance. generally happy endings.

windclan’s plays would mostly be tragedies. starclan is also very prominent in their stories, due to their belief that they are the closest to starclan.

shadowclan’s plays would be largely trickster tales, featuring an ‘underdog’ outsmarting the enemy.

clan rivalries feature very prominently in them- eg. shadowclan and thunderclan constantly demonizing the other.

[bow-and-dagger]

Star Wars Reincarnation AU

I’ve read a lot of Star Wars fics where you have time travelers or prisoner-in-carbonite people who comes to save the day but! Consider this: Reincarnation!!!!

Why isn’t this a thing? Especially all the Force shenanigans a reincarnation implies!

Consider this: Jango reincarnated as one of his own clones! Pre-Order 66 or Post-Order 66 doesn’t really matter, just the FEELS! Bonding with his batchmates, fearing the cullings and other mistreatments, bonding with his Jedi General, seeing the Jedi as the good, if sometimes flawed (like all sentient beings), people they are! And then remembering his life as Jango! And Boba! and-! JUST THE FEELS!!!

(Also, a great alternative would be Jaster being reincarnated as one of Jango’s clones, preferably one of the first, and remembering his past-life before Geonosis!

Jango, seeing a clone litteraly mowing down the competition: *he reminds me of someone* “hey, you! What’s your name?”

Jaster, who doesn’t remember yet but has weird inate knowledge of things: “Jaster, sir!”

Jango: !!!!)

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

BUT! I present you the golden idea that started this post:

Tarre Vizsa!

Where’s the lambda teen who suddenly wakes up with the memories of his past life flooding his mind?

Like, give me a teen, alone, aimless and on his own in a cruel galaxy that suddenly remembers he can make his own family by adopting the people he likes!!! He researches, trains, buy weapons, finds out what has happened since his death, figures out the current Manda’lor (Jaster, ofc, ‘cuz I’m a sucker for happy fix-it) is doing a good job transforming a bloddthirsty culture into a bloodthirsty culture with honor and standards and then finds out HIS OWN DESCENDANTs and CLAN are being utter idiots and bastards!

Give me an ex-Jetii Manda’lor going on the warpath against the Death Watch, killing/subduing them, taking back his ‘saber (I have this image stucks in my head of Tarre cooing over his darksaber “My preciousssss! Which one of these fools manhandled you like some sort of common tool?! I’ll make them pay!”) and just generally sowing chaos everywhere he goes, f***ing up the sith’s plans along the way.

Give me Tarre going to Bandomeer or Melida/Daan because of the Force/avoiding Jaster, Jango & Cie who have questions/avoiding the Order and the Republic who also have questions and meeting Obi-Wan and the Young and going “Okay, MINE, now! No take back!” *insert delighted/maniacal laughter*.

Give me Obi-Wan who meets this weird teen barely older than he is but who already has the presence of a Master and who wants him as his student, him! The failed apprentice! The self-exiled Padawan!

Give me Tarre travelling around the galaxy with his adopted son/Padawan and a gaggle of other kids and even some adults he adopts on the spot, meeting new friends, accidentaly-on-purpose kickstarting revolutions, kicking shebs and taking names.

Give me all that and give me everyone else scratching their heads about this strange teen who is clearly Mando’ade and yet also a Jetii but whom no one knows. The Jedi are half-panicked because this stranger kidnapped one of their padawans but at the same time did so to save said padawan from a war-torn world (Qui-Gon what were you thinking?!). The Mandalorians are pleased: here is a kid who single-handedly (more or less) took care of Death watch and is now adopting and saving kids left and right, like all Mando’ae do! But at the same time they are shook because the kid is an unknown, has the darsaber (the symbol of the Manda’lor!) and, most of all, calls himself Tarre Vizsla!!

Tarre: “I’m Tarre Vizsla.”

Mandalorians: “Yeah. No. Wtf, kid.”

Jedi: “Be as it may, we ask you to...Wait! The Darskaber’s crystal resonates with you?!”

Tarre: “Well, yes, it’s mine. It chooses me. Don’t tell me the Order forgot how to pick their crystals?”

Jedi: ...

Jedi: You are TARRE VIZSLA?!?!

Tarre, sighing and longsuffering: “Yes, that’s what I just said.”

Meanwhile Tarre is utterly pleased by Jaster being the Manda’lor. (He’s very glad he doesn’t have to fight the man for the title to protect his people. And, also, he’s utterly delighted he won’t have to deal with paperwork attached to the position! Freedom!)

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Also, there’s potential Force Ghosts shenanigans involved with reincarnation!

Imagine a Force Ghosts chilling in the Force with their buddies when they suddenly disappear only to be shoved into a physical body, alive once again! Seeing ghosts would be easier for those reincarnated since they have already been touched by death/The Force.

Plus, this can work for Mandalorians, too!! With the Ka’ra (the ghosts of dead Mandalorians who watch over the living)!!

So many possibilities!

GIVE ME THE SW REINCARNATION FICS WE DESERVE!!!!

...

...

I’m going to have to write it, am I? Damn it!

[tutubola-moved-on]

Hi I like music and I kind of go wayyy too deep into the TPN soundtrack and I think it's about time I start throwing my thoughts out there before they spiral too much

Disclaimer!!! This is not a complete analysis at all, just a few thoughts on each of the songs. I'll probably revisit some of them in future parts if I ever do those aha anyways enjoy

(Part 1/?): 63194, Emma's Sorrow, Emma's Determination, 22194, Norman's Lament, The Promise Between Humans and Demons, Jailbreak and Isabella's Lullaby.

(manga spoilers)

I've done a lil smth smth on Main Theme 2 already and its my favourite song like ever aha this is a cry for help

here you go people

but now anyways fr

63194 (Season 1)

Wouldn't have started with this one cuz I'm still figuring it out but it was the first one that came up when I pressed shuffle

Let's just go straight to the point so we can move on. The first time we hear 63194 is in episode 2, when Norman is talking to Ray about their plan in the forest (or, as I like to call it, "boat scene"). It reaches its climax when Norman starts talking about how he'll use himself to ensure the escape plan will work.

And then it's only used again in episode 8, if I'm not mistaken, after Isabella tells them about Norman's shipment, thus foreshadowing him refusing to escape and using his "death" as a tool to help the others escape.

But alsooo the song is Emma's theme, so there's definitely some sort of meaning other than foreshadowing Norman's shipment. That's for later though cuz I'll have to think more. The beginning does sound a lot like Strauss' Metamorphosen, a piece symbolising how German culture was destroyed during WW2. Not sure what to do with that info for now.

If you'd like a little extra stuff, I also tried connecting the pieces to the Doctrine of Affections, a... thing some Baroque composers wrote that connected music keys to feelings. (I found many sources but I used this one).

63194 is in C Minor, which is described as "innocently sad" (although another source said "sweet but sad") and "lovesick." I think innocence really describes Emma, Ray, and Norman in general, as kids who never did anything wrong but were thrown into the wrong world. Innocently sad would be their conversations in boat scene. They're talking about life or death, it's not something kids should have to deal with.

But again, it's hopeful. Norman wants to create a boat made out of mud---he wants to save everyone---and he really believes it'll work. So although sad, it's also sweet. It's a light at the end of the tunnel, and also just an act of kindness. As for "lovesick," that would just describe Ray and Emma's inevitable longing for Norman after he was gone. Which brings us to...

Emma's Sorrow (エマの悲しみ) (Season 1)

The two times I remember Emma's Sorrow played was 1) When they first talked to Don and Gilda about the house and 2) During the infirmary flashback scene.

The Doctrine of Affections describes E Minor as "grief and longing." In the infirmary flashback scene that obviously not only shows how Norman longs for that time when they didn't know anything and everything was light and happy but also, once again, foreshadows Emma eventually having to grieve him.

Especially because they don't play the staccato part (short quick notes) that's in the original version. Instead, the strings are always present. In staccato, the music gets pretty,,, lowkey? because the instruments can't exactly "show off," whereas the legato (long/connected notes) really shows the true importance and impact each individual instrument has on the song. Considering how the strings (specifically the violins) in the soundtrack could symbolise Norman, it's showing how Norman is not just another guy who's in their group and planning the escape, but an actual friend they'll lose and who'll leave a significant emptiness behind. Not only brain power wise, but just.. you know he's a human being and it's gonna hurt either way.

Not only that, but the harmonies itself in Emma's Sorrow once the strings really do come in are really incomplete. Like, the piano part seems to be all over the place, but it comes together because of the strings. Norman was the one who brought Emma and Ray together, in a way, and isn't Emma and Ray clashing exactly what Shirai wanted when he sent Norman away? Yea...

And Emma's Sorrow is, of course, parallel to:

Emma's Determination (エマの決定) (Season 1)

Yea no I'm still gathering thoughts on that one. The ascending bass contrasting the descending bass in Emma's Sorrow is pretty cool, though. It plays when Don is going off about how he wants to be strong after punching Ray and Norman and it's in F# Minor, so "passionate resentment." Connect both and Don really is ready to change the world. He got slapped with this very very bad reality and naturally he's angry and he's sad and he wants to do anything in his power to save people.

But back to Norman.

(hi future me here. oh my god why am i only talking about norman this was not the route this was originally going to take im so sorry i swear there's more to this post than just norman brain rot 22194 is the last norman one)

22194 (Season 1) and Norman's Lament (ノーマンの嘆き) (Season 2)

22194 is in B Minor, so "patience" and "walking towards fate." That's pretty self explanatory considering how he, and I quote, "chose death." Yea. G Minor would be "uneasiness of the future," and once again, pretty self explanatory (The whole Lambda seizures thing and I'm The Only One Who Can Save The Humans Syndrome. Normy worries too much :/)

Comparing both is pretty fun, too. It's the same melody but in different keys and instruments and thus just give off different feelings. While 22194 is full of instruments and harmonies and is clearly structured, Norman's Lament is just. Empty. It's like it's trying to stay true to 22194, so the Norman from before, but at the end of every musical sentence it just drifts off. You can see parts of 22194 in there, but it's not the same. At all.

There's also no harmony. He wants to do everything himself, and discards all his bonds and friends for that. So sad. Stop him.

All that while 22194 is rich and beautiful and oh my god i love that song so much and it's just showing how Norman was a lot more lively and layered and human when he allowed people to come into his life (the harmonies) and listened to those people instead of just locking himself up and doing everything himself.

So in conclusion cuz I ramble a lot, 22194 is about GF Norman, who hadn't gone through all those things that turned him "evil," who trusted his friends and believed everything had a good, ethic solution. Norman's Lament is about Lambda/post-Lambda Norman, who had gone through a whole lot, and was now in a downwards spiral and had left everything behind to become God or whatever, but was also in denial that he had changed in the first place.

does this make sense no idea i'm typing this while sleep deprived and high on bread and i failed english this quarter

but that aside

The Promise Between Humans and Demons (人間と鬼の約束)(Season 2)

I love this song!!!!!! So much!!!!!!!!! I love the percussion, it's used so well. And I love the way the song builds up and adds more and more instruments until it eventually reaches a climax, like the growing tension between the humans and the demons during the war that snowballed and snowballed and eventually caused both sides to resort to the Promise.

And when the song comes down you can hear a very short "first draft" ish version of Isabella's Lullaby.

It's as if yes, all this mess went down and the demons and humans made this huge promise that completely changed the world and affected an entire society but then far far away from the Seven Walls and the Promise and oblivious of the Ratri Clan and the demons were these two tiny tiny children just singing a song and living happily. And those children---and that song---were the foundation for the entire revolution that ended with the Promise. Wow.

And it's in D Major, D Major is "Triumphant." The song itself sounds triumphant, and yes the Promise was gross but it was a nice little hello kitty band aid over the mess that was the world before it.

What was truly triumphant, though, was the kids' escape, which happened to the same melodic theme, albeit in a different key. Which leads me to...

Prison Break (脱獄) (Season 1)

Oh my God. I love this song.

It symbolises the kids breaking ties with Isabella and how many obstacles were in the way (not only was she their mom; their only mom who had cared for them for their entire lives, but she was also their enemy and did everything she could to prevent them from escaping). The second the brass comes in with the theme (around 0:53) it sounds like it's struggling to play it fully. In this case, Isabella, once the singing parts, would have lost her voice after being outwitted by the children (keep in mind the song starts playing after they've already reached the wall). After all, the song starts with a voice that seems to get more and more desperate before it's overrun by instruments, thus losing its power.

So she's trying to control them and get them back, but they won't let her. They're going to break free. So you have the melodic theme playing with significant breaks, until eventually it all goes silent. Why? Because they escaped. Isabella completely lost contact with them, they're free. And then you get the same melodic theme in The Promise Between Humans and Demons.

But the theme isn't played full. It's not played to the extent that they play it in TPBDAH, instead there's a lot of just "blank space" with no melody above it: that's where the children will write their melody---their story; a story independent from the Promise that shaped their lives thus far.

AGH.

I need a break but I'll be back

Isabella's Lullaby (イサベラの唄)

OK OK Continuing on Isabella I love how Sarah Alainn sings like she's crying. I really recommend this if you want to go deep on Isabella's Lullaby, they pretty much said everything I had to say. I don't go on youtube like ever and that might as well be one of my favourite videos LOL anyways

I also really recommend listening to the no vocal/piano solo version, the harmonies are so beautiful. And the more you listen to it the more you hear, there's always something new. The violins especially oh I love the way Takahiro Obata uses violins. Honourable mention to Nat King Ballade (ナットキングバラード) and Each Thought (それぞれの想い) (idk if thats the english name for it,,,, i've seen it as "Their Own Thoughts" too)

WELL THEN. What a ride. I'll go to sleep now. If anything is incoherent or u just wanna talk then send me askies or a dm smth idk aha i like music but i hate grammar :P

[zabrak-show]

Plant Magick | Maul x Reader

Setting: Dathomir and Zanbar

Summary: Reader is a nightsister from Dathomir sent to Zanbar by Mother Talzin to help Maul and the Shadow Collective. Based on the prompt from @botherbother-blog​ , “ Can I ask something about a witchy reader (maybe a Nightsister?) teaching Maul magick and Maul teaching her martial arts... and the things start getting steamy? I haven’t ever asked a request and I’m not sure if that’s okay, too much or too little, sorry!”

Warnings: Ok, this was my attempt at writing smut, but it’s really just super poetic and not that graphic, because i am the way that i am. and lots of consent cuz that’s what gets me hot. So very fluffy and soft Maul etc.  also, the nightsister/nightbrother thing does not make them brother and sister so no incest here.

Word count: 2.4k

Sweat ran down the middle of your chest and pooled where the fabric of your red sleeveless tunic tightened at your breastbone. It was a hot day for Dathomir standards and you were crouched over picking herbs for magick potions. This was a part of the forest to which you were very acclimated, having come here since you were very small. You had learned from an early age to have an appreciation of all the living things around you, there was magick in everything, it was only a matter of learning how to tap into it all. 

Mother Talzin was an exceptional teacher, but sometimes you felt like there must be more to life, at least more to learn than what she taught you and all your sisters. You did your best to never let these feelings show. Mother would not appreciate your wandering thoughts. You wiped the sweat from your brow and packed up all your herbs to head back to your clan, making your way down the meandering wooded path, wisps of mist gently caressing you on your bare skin. These small moments all to yourself brought you clarity and peace of mind.

It did not take long to get back to the clan and at once you went into the temple where a foreboding tall figure clad in all red stood over a cauldron.

“Mother, the herbs you needed.” you held up the bag of herbs to the towering pale woman with an oversized forehead and black tattoos accenting her face. She clutched the bag of herbs from your hand at once, held it to her face and breathed deep.

“Yes, I think this should do nicely. Well done, sister (y/n).” she spoke aphrodisiacal as she exhaled. You smiled slightly and started to turn and leave.

“Wait, Sister (y/n). I have a new mission for you.” You turned back to listen to your new instructions.

“Whatever it is, you know I am at your service, Mother.” you lightly bowed as you declared your subservience. 

“Yes, there is someone who is in need of our aid. In need of our magicks. I am sending you as you have proven time and time again your loyalty, dedication to the craft, and independence.” her hoarse voice rang out in your ears like the most beautiful melody you’d ever heard. To get such high praise and honor from Mother was unheard of, and to finally be sent on a mission outside of Dathomir. A real purpose to your life at last.

“I am beyond honored.” your inflection was stoic, but you were brimming with joy inside.

Aboard the transport vessel to Zanbar, you learned that you were sent as a mercenary to help defend an organization called the Shadow Collective. Mother did not give you a great deal of information other than you were to find and meet up with a former nightbrother Lord Maul, once you arrived. Your head swam with the possibilities of this mission. You had never left Dathomir and you had never been without your nightsisters presence for more than a few days. It was exciting and terrifying and you couldn’t be more thrilled.

You recognized the nightbrother Maul almost as soon as your feet hit the pavement of the ships’ hangar in Zanbar. Of course you had never met him, but he stuck out like a sore thumb to you, with his unique crimson skin, intricate black tattoos, and crown of horns. As happy as you were to leave home, it was also nice to know you’d be around someone who understood where you came from and your culture. 

The other passengers and crew milled about picking up their baggage, meeting up with old friends or scurrying off to maker knows where. You slung your simple black woven bag containing mostly weapons and Dathomirian herbs, across your back to head straight towards the shirtless nightbrother, Maul. Even from a distance you couldn’t help but admire his tattoos. You had a few tattoos as well, as was your culture, but nowhere near the scope of his. 

He walked up to meet you halfway and as soon as you were close enough to see just how handsome and chiseled he was, you felt dizzy with desire. You had never quite felt so attracted to someone, but then you had barely met anyone besides your fellow nightsisters and the occasional nightbrother ritualistic mating encounter. His odour was intoxicating, you could smell the Dathomirian magic in his blood, but there was something else darker and stronger with notes of roasted coffee and cedar. Maker, how could he smell so damn good?!

“Sister (y/n). Mother tells me you are one of her strongest witches.” His voice thick like honeyed wine seeping into your ears. You felt yourself blush and wished your skin was as crimson as his to hide your body’s emotional betrayal. 

“Yes, well I am at your service now, Lord Maul.” you declared with full confidence, attempting to brush the lustful feelings aside for now.

The atmosphere of Zanbar was not too different from Dathomir, but it lacked the magick lifeblood you were so used to coursing through everything. There were swamps all around the settlement you were staying in and you had decided to venture around to see if you could find any plants to weaponize for Lord Maul. It was a challenge without the help of Dathomir’s magick at your disposal, but you were still able to identify several helpful plants and you busied yourself plucking them from the swamp, humming a little tune as you worked.

A shadowy figure stole your light and you looked back to see who it was. The sun was beaming around them like a hologram making you squint, but the crimson skin could still be easily seen.

“Lord Maul,” you greeted as you stood to face him, still slightly squinting from the sun in your face. He took note and rotated himself to the side of you so that you would not have to stare into the sun to talk to him.

“Are you finding what you need here?” he questioned with genuine curiosity.

“Yes, well, I am finding some things. It’s harder to feel the magick here, I feel like my senses are dulled.” you admitted to him looking into his dynamic golden eyes.

“Hmm.. yes your power does come from Dathomir, it will be hard for you to be away from that. You must learn other ways of fighting and surviving.” his eyes stared deep into your own, not breaking away for a lifetime it felt.

“Mother taught me how to survive.” you said defensively breaking the gaze to look beyond him and crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“She taught you how to survive in her world, yes. There is much yet for you to learn. I can teach you Teräs Käsi, an invaluable combat skill. As a trade... for you teaching me about your magick.” he cocked his head slightly to the side and raised an eyebrow ridge as he waited for your approval. You found it hard to refuse teaching him your magick and you had desperately wanted to learn new things before coming here after all.

“Oh, alright,” you gave in with a smile, “what could it hurt?” This seemed to please him greatly as a sinister smile spread across his face.

“I promise not to make it hurt too much” he jeered and you both made your way back to the settlement.

The next day you met Maul for your first Teräs Käsi lesson in a small training room. You were no stranger to physical exertion and thank the maker for that, because it was a more physically demanding sport than you were expecting. You were dripping with sweat almost immediately, doing everything from push ups, planks, sit ups, fast feet, jumping jacks, and squats. In between each drill, teaching you a new attack and having you try it out on the punching bags and then him. You felt yourself getting dizzy, but you dare not let him show you were tired or wanting to give up.

“Keep fighting! Keep fighting!” he’d yell prompting you to punch him or the bags. You felt your arms get noodley, but you kept throwing punches as hard as you could, pure grit and determination painted on your face. 

At last he brought you some water signifying that today’s lesson was over.

“You did very well. You still have much to learn and much strength to gain, but you are a natural fighter.” he sat down next to your sweaty form as you stretched out your sore muscles.

“I did not realize you were going to work me so hard,” you said, still slightly panting from the workout.

“In a fight, you do not get to decide how tired or well rested you are. You do not get to decide when your attacker will stop. You have to keep fighting through it all. Through all the pain, all the weariness, your mind will tell you you can’t go on, but you must. You must train hard so as to not let that voice creep in and tell you to give up. Your body is stronger than your mind will let on.” he lectured as he stared deep into your eyes and studied your face while you took in everything he said and saved it to your brain’s data bank. Not only for the inspiration and wisdom, but how he said it. His voice was smooth and theatrical, emanating a great power and sensitivity. You wished you could sit there all day and listen to his proclamations.

“What kind of magick do you want me to teach you first?” you finally inquired, now that you had cooled down a bit and your breathing was back to normal. He looked at you thoughtful for a moment before answering, 

“Teach me about all the herbs you pick and how to make potions from them.”

You found it hard to hide your excitement at teaching Maul about herbs and potions. You took him out to the edge of the swamp to begin your lesson. It was a cloudy day and the swamp was buzzing with life from bugs and small critters that scampered away as soon as they heard both of you coming. You settled on a small clearing above the swamp’s water level so you could sit without getting wet and go over your lessons. 

“How do you know what plants will work for what?” He asked before you could even begin. 

“Well it’s harder for me here. On Dathomir I knew all the flora and fauna already so I could feel the kind of magic each life held just being near it. The plants don’t have Dathomirian magick here, but I can still sense different properties they hold.” You explained as you noticed Maul’s skeptical look. You held yourself back from scoffing at him for being a typical dense nightbrother and instead offered, “Here, I’ll show you.” 

You grabbed your small knife from your belt and carefully cut a few different small plants near you. You held one plant in one hand and with your other grabbed Maul’s hand. He raised a tattooed eyebrow and you simply nodded and closed your eyes. He followed suit and you bore your energy into the plant, a green mist now surrounding the both of you. You held it for a moment and let go opening your eyes, Maul’s eyes still closed and holding your hand. He looked so peaceful and innocent in that moment. You hesitated before letting him know he could open his eyes you wanted to let him remain so pure. 

“Could you feel the power of the plant?” You finally asked him, still holding his hand. 

“Hmm yes… I sensed it was poisonous in high doses, but medicinal in very small doses.” He carefully answered, looking down at your hands still clasped together. 

“Yes! Could you sense what kinds of things it could treat as a medicine?” Your eyes got big as you looked at him with wonder awaiting his response. He squeezed your hand and replied in his cool deep honeyed voice, “heartache.” You couldn’t help but giggle as you squeezed his hand back.

“Well heartburn, but close!” You reassured him. 

You spent the afternoon talking plants and potions and magick with the crimson nightbrother. Your face began to hurt from smiling all day, a happier moment in your life you couldn’t recall. The thick fog began to roll in and you started to pack up your books and herb jars. Maul laid back and stared straight up at the sky watching the fog swirl around as it slowly enveloped you both. 

You laid back next to him staring up at the fog as it thickened like gravy around you. A hand grasped yours and you wove your fingers between his and lightly squeezed. Your body ached with desire, but you froze to the ground afraid to make a move. The night brother leaned up and over you placing a hand on your face. 

“May I?” He practically whispered. 

“Yes,” you closed your eyes and met his lips with your own, kissing him deep and passionate. He crawled on top of you, his metal legs cold and harsh against your soft warm legs. You wrapped your legs around his middle pulling him in closer to you and he continued kissing you with a frenzied gusto. You wanted to touch him everywhere and be touched everywhere by him. Your frantic hands caressed his head around his horns, resulting in a purr emanating from his chest and vibrating into your frame, overwhelming your body with pleasure and desire.

He ran his hands all over your body, his strong hands grasping and massaging your sore body. His intoxicating scent of coffee, cedar, and petrol mixed with the plant and soil odors of the swamp in an orgasmic medley. You moaned in pleasure and he started to reach down to your core, but stopped to ask your consent once again.

“Yes!” you breathed into his ear and wriggled out of your clothes. The moss was soft, cool, and gentle against your bare skin and you laid back and guided him into you. He started off slow and rhythmic both of you moaning and grunting with each thrust. You felt yourself melting into him and into your surroundings, becoming the fog or the fog becoming you. Wrapping yourself around your lover, around yourself and everything in between; becoming the earth, the sky, the galaxy all at once. A perfect moment of ecstasy and bliss, you never wanted it to end.

You both lay on the moss bed, bodies entangled, breathing and moving as one, dozing in and out of sleep. Oh to be with this handsome nightbrother forever in a secluded swamp with no one else to answer to or deal with ever again.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

hey thanks again for reading. it means more to me than you’ll know. 

toss a heart to your witcher o’ tumblr of thirst

tag list: @brilliantbutbatty​ @maulieber​ @emissarydecksetter​

masterlist

[yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy]

There is something people can’t talk about regarding the Dalish

So let me talk about something, and I don't know how to preface it so let me just come right out and say it.

I feel like there's this unspoken rule that the Dalish can't be criticized, and there also seems to be this unwillingness to ascribe negative traits to their culture that we would otherwise assume of other cultures, fictional or real.

I say this because I *feel* it. I feel as though I can't write anything critical of Dalish without people assuming that I'm somehow an imperialist or something, that I'm badmouthing an indigenous group because *that's just what's been done*.

Let me try to explain.

So we have the Dalish, a group of people whose plights and history can be equated to that of the Jews (rumors of blood libel and child sacrifice, forced conversion, their brethren being sequestered in ghettos in the cities, frequent victims of attempted annihilation, scapegoats for mishaps that happen in human villages and such); indigenous peoples (living in non-urban societies that worship polytheistic deities, the original backstory prior to the revelation in Trespasser aligns with slow erosion of their culture through human settlements and disease, victims of attempted annihilation, considered barbaric for their rustic lifestyles); and Romani/Sinti (nomadic, located on the outskirts of established societies, also victims of scapegoating). 

Okay, we got that out of the way. We have that established.

But can we also be completely honest with ourselves and say that the Dalish are NOT a monolithic group of people but also have cultural variations? The only things that tie them together is the fact that they are elves that worship Elvhen gods, they wear vallaslin, and they are nomadic. That's basically it. That's all we really know about them from that. Beyond that, the canon, the creative minds behind Dragon Age, and the offical outside sources like art books, novels, and comics clearly establish that there are differences in dialect, relationship with humans, their views of magic, and even their views of sexuality.

That last one is what I want to talk about most.

This is a game series that has been a refuge for non-straight people. The universe is accepting of LGBTQA people in a way that few other game franchises, if at all, have. I get that. I understand wanting to preserve this great source of representation and acceptance that runs through the game's universe. There is also the turning of stereotypical fantastical racism on its head. The parallel between the treatment of the Dalish and indigenous peoples is great politics. I love learning about it. I love talking about it in the context of the story and as a reflection of real-world history, but...

What I'm trying to get this conversation to point to, really, is the fact that I see that people are unwilling to entertain the idea that some Dalish clans may not in fact, gasp, be necessarily LGBTQA-friendly, but more specifically, Lesbian-Gay-Asexual*-friendly.

It seems to be a kneejerk reaction to assume that a marginalized group will accept another marginalized group, and there's somewhat of a real-life precedent for it, given that gender roles were less strict in certain native tribes than in Europe, what with two-spirits and similar concepts. Now that is very valid, and there may indeed be Dalish tribes that believe in that sort of thing...

When the controversial user FenxShiral was still on here, he answered questions about language and Dalish culture. These were all his headcanons, and some of the ones where he offered his opinion on how the Dalish viewed certain sexualities drew the ire of some members of the Dragon Age community.

If I remember correctly, he said that not all clans accept homosexuality, and asexuality is also considered odd. People thought he was being homophobic and acephobic.

But here's the deal, and let me try to expand upon this without sounding too ADD.

-- If we go all the way back to the Old Testament of the Bible, there is a lot of talk of who can't sleep with whom and how you can sleep with this person and why you can't masturbate and all that. Now think of the context: These are tribes emerging to carve out a stable civilization. Death is commonplace. Famine, drought, war, and disease is commonplace. Infant mortality is high, on average. Grown adults die off easily. For the sake of the tribe or clan surviving, babies need to be made and be made regularly. Let's ignore the institution of marriage for a moment because that's about property and assuring a family line is kept intact...there is no room for gay people who are unwilling to make babies in this society. There is no room for asexuals* who do not want to have sex or have children. There is no room for people who do not want to do what's "best for the community" and give up their personal happiness for the sake of the tribe or clan. That is the fact of the matter.

A lot of LGBT activism and thought intersects with individuality and personal autonomy. "I am LGBTQA. What I do sexually is my business. I owe nothing to no one else." This is a very MODERN way of thinking, this idea that you should make yourself happy and that people should leave alone what does not affect them.  Tribes and small-knit communities are not very individualistic by nature because they require full participation and equal amounts of sacrifice from everyone in order to keep the wheel turning, to keep the clan alive. These are societies that do not have an excessive amount of people that could do with 10% of women not getting pregnant or a few men choosing not to impregnate people. They can’t survive a major upset that could suddenly wipe out half their tribe and have one in five be unwilling to help resupply people.

As for the argument of "Well, what if they are gay and are willing to get someone pregnant/become pregnant, but still want a same-sex lover?" I would say that religion could likely come into play. Either the society will say "okay, I'll allow that cuz kids are getting made and that’s what I’m asking for" OR they'll say "doesn't matter, sex is for procreation only". 

But going back to the Dalish and homosexuality. We have no proof that all Dalish are LGBT friendly. In fact, I would argue that it is the direct result of the small number of them that AT LEAST SOME CLANS would be less inclined to allow clan members to remain exclusively in same-sex relationships because it would mean fewer Dalish children are being made. That's going to be two women not carrying children and two men not impregnating. The Dalish are always struggling to keep their numbers up. On the one hand, the cities are dens of disease and violence, on the other hand, the Dalish have to contend with the elements, wild animals, and the wrath of local lords and peasants who want to run them off their camping grounds. Then there are those who wish to leave for the cities, or who fall in love with city folk. It is implied that certain tribes consider clanmates who match up with humans or non-Dalish to be "half-breeds" of a sort, "traitors" to their People, and it varies as to whether children of this union will be accepted by their Dalish family (as far as I know, this contrasts with the typical custom of North American native tribes who would readily accept mixed race children into their tribes).

The Dalish love children because children are great, yes, but also because they are a living future legacy. Someone who refuses to impregnate/get pregnant is not acting with the future survival of the clan in mind. Same thing with someone who is gay and does not want to carry a child or help conceive one. Now there may perhaps be a window open for the gay uncle or aunt to help rear children, but the Dalish obviously have developed a culture that values lots of kids because it is an unmistakable sign that their customs and traditions will carry on into the future.

So I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that not just the fact that the Dalish may be less tolerant of gays than you want to believe, but that being against homosexuality may not have anything to do with reasons like "gay sex is eww" or one's faith but that it could come from a utilitarian or pragmatic standpoint, cultural or existential or what-have-you. It's the same reason why the Tevinter Imperium is "anti-gay". It has nothing to do with the fact that homosexuality is bad, necessarily, because like in Greece and Rome there were context-heavy situations where it was allowed and tolerated, but because being exclusively homosexual and refusing to even pretend to "marry the girl" and have a kid jeopardizes this particular society's eugenic-based infrastructure: The upper class NEED to breed with each other to have perfect mages that will breed with other perfect mages to have more perfect mage children. This maintains the status quo and the hierarchy. As an Altus you can have a boytoy elf slave, you can probably even canoodle with a man of a lower class because you have that social superiority, but you cannot canoodle with another Altus because it's distracting both of you from your duty of siring children.

Now I’ll bet I’ll get people coming out of the woodwork accusing me of trying to justify homophobia or acephobia, but I’m not. I’m Bi and I guess a bit Asexual. I’m trying to explain why it is not homophobic or acephobic to entertain the idea that some Dalish clans may be more leery of gay or asexual* clan members. Again, the Dalish are not a monolithic group. They are a bunch of different elf family groups that have rejected the Chantry and human civilization. Beyond that and a few cultural staples, they operate fairly independent of each other and developed their own way of maintaining their autonomy and existence.

It is like how anti-capitalists are also not a monolithic group. The only thing they share among them is their rejection of capitalism and perhaps even share reasons why they hate it. Beyond that, the proposed alternatives vary widely from socialism to anarchy. 

*  Specifically, those who are sex-repulsed/disinterested

[kur0kvmi]

The Menacing Mind of Felix Lombardi-Act 2

I peek through the door glass one more time, to make sure I’m not hallucinating. Yep. Ami Fujinami in the mother, fucking flesh. 

“Felix? I know you’re in there, open up” Ami said, in between repeatedly knocking

“Yea I’ll open it up in a minute” I said as I frantically searched for a clean pair of sweatpants to wear.

Ami and I have known each other for the entirety of the 2 years I’ve been living at this apartment. She and her Grandma have taken pretty good care of me seeing as I’m not exactly the best at it. 

“Hi Ami, what brings you here?” I asked, trying to push out the conversation with my brother from my mind

“Well, a strange man in a dark blue suit was here yesterday and he gave me 2 tickets to Mysticon” 

And then it call comes rushing back

“Wow that’s weird, well have fun” I said as I tried to close the door on her, only for her to stop the door from shutting.

“He said he was your brother, and that I should ask you to go with me” Ami said, slowly edging towards me like she was trying to get a good look at the reflection in my eyeballs.

“Well, I have no idea who you’re talking about. I don’t have a brothe-”

“Hello? Mr. Lombardi? He said exactly what you said he’d say. Mhmm That he doesn't have a brother. Should I hand him the phone? Ok. Ok. I’ll tell him.” 

Oh fuck.

“He says if you don’t go to Mysticon with me, I should tell Obaa-san to lock you out of the wifi for a month” Ami said, in the most perfunctory tone imaginable.

“First of all, you can’t do tha-”

“Yes. Yes I can. And to be honest, I don’t care if Mr. Lombardi is your real brother or not, I want to go to Mysticon, and I don’t care who with. So you’re going with me Felix.” Despite the fact that Ami was more or less extorting a date out of me, she did so with the gusto and demeanor of a middle schooler who just won a spelling bee. 

“Why couldn’t you just go by yourself?”

“The deal is, I take you, and I get a free ticket. Mr. Lombardi was very clear about this” 

“So I have no choice”

“None at all”

“Alright. Come knock on my door on saturday”

“It is Saturday, you bum”

“Why aren’t we using your car?” Ami moaned as we exited the building. 

“The train is faster” I said, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of my jacket.

“Mysticon is in Hells Kitchen right?” Ami asked, whilst reaching into her backpack

“Yup, and it’s...3pm, traffic will be annoying, and I don’t wanna worry about driving back if I buy weed.” I said, pulling out my lighter

“What have I told you about smoking when you’re next to me.” Ami said, pulling out a batton, then flicking it to extend it’s length. 

I put the cig back in the pack, whilst prompting her to sheathe her weapon. Throughout the journey my mind is racing. Ami and I hanging out again? It’s not that I like her or anything, it’s just that I kind of missed her. Hey I’m allowed to have feelings aren’t I? I’m sure you’re wondering “but Felix, if you missed hanging out with her, why did you stop talking to her?” Why yes fair reader, that’s a very adequate question, however the nature of our relationship isn’t that simple. Ami is kind of an all around nerd aficionado, she cosplays, she writes fanfics, she draws, she sings anime openings on youtube, it’s kind of scary how much she does all over the place. Recently she’s started to get really famous online, she’s started to devote a lot more time to it, and She started ghosting. Being distant... And you know me, I ain’t exactly a butterfly myself, so we just drifted apart. She should be making money on youtube, couldn’t she just get her own tickets?

“Obaa San wouldn’t let me” Ami said as we reached the station. “She’s against anime conventions on principle”. 

“Is this about a ‘Japan is more than anime’ thing?” I asked, shifting over to the right as I stepped on the escalator so I could walk down past the standers.

“No that’s more my parents. Baa san is a reeeeaaally old school Otaku.”

“Then what’s her beef with anime conventions?”

“She thinks they’re ‘commodified caricatures of otaku culture’ or something along those lines” Ami said as we hopped on the train.

Granny Fujinami isn’t wrong in the slightest.

“So she won’t be mad at you for going?” 

“She’s only letting me go because I’m going with you. It’s aaalways about you with her.”

“Not my fault i’m the grandson she never had” I said while making a mocking face at Ami.

“She only loves you cuz you’re a broken mess she can nurture. You’re like my dad. Ugh, you’re like all men really.”

Ouch.

“Ouch.” 

“Suck it up loser.” Ami said, shifting her direction away from me. 

“You’re so cute when you go all Tsun” I said, pulling out my phone.

“That would imply me having any ‘dere’ for you.” Ami snapped back.

So hot.

[At the Convention]

What’s going on what’s going on going on. Everyone’s looking at us. Well I guess I am walking next to Amura. Yes that’s Ami’s social media name, you try coming up with something better at 12. Mine’s [REDACTED]. This is not what I signed up for. Louis Othello Lombardi you fucking bastard. You knew this would happen. You did your homework on Ami and figured out she’d be a lightning rod for attention. Keep me around her, and I’m bound to be assaulted by nothing. But. Fucking. People.

“OH MY GOD IT’S AMURA!” Two young girls screamed. “But I heard you weren't coming? You said so on twitter :(.“ I swear to almighty Haruhi Suzumiya, if there was such a thing as a frowny face emoji in real life, whatever that girl did was damn close. 

“Well change of plans ^_^” Oh my god, Ami can speak emoji too!

“So what panels are you going to? I heard Gail has a panel about anime piracy” Said one of the fangirls, angling towards it on the con directory. 

“Gail from Crunchyroll?” 

“Sounds fun! Felix, ikimasu!” Whoever this version of Ami was, I wanted NO PARTS. 

“Sounds lame. I’m going to the arcade.” I was putting my foot down

“Ok cool. Hand me your pass then. You can pay on your own.” 

“You can’t do tha-”

“Yes. Yes I can. You want this pass?.” Ami pulled out the 3 day convention pass out of her purse and dangled it in front of me. Obviously I tried snatching at it, only for Ami to move it out of the way. Damn japanese reflexes.

“Gotta be quicker than that. We’re going to the panel. Follow me.” Ami said, tossing me the pass.

“If you sneak off, I’m calling Obaa chan.” she said, in that her perfunctory yet declaratory way.  

“...So what you end up having is an environment where it’s harder and harder for us to justify hosting servers for anime distribution, because they don’t wanna pa- *ahem* because piracy.” Or something to that effect I’m not really listening to this Gail lady.

Anime piracy is a dumb thing to have a panel about anyway, it’s not like anybody in this room even knows how to torrent off wonwons, let alone\ how find the right codec for shows with bad compression. These are a bunch of crunchycores. The kinds of anime fans so hopped up on seasonal hype that the mere thought of an anime older than 12 months makes their tongues run dry, and their eyes wire shut.

“Are there any questions?”

“You got anything to ask?” chuckled Ami. 

“Why are we here. We both know Kissanime is in your bookmarks” I jeered.

“Networking dummy. I talk to Gail after the panel, and smooth out something over at Crunchyroll” For some reason Ami’s eyes did the dollars signs when she said “crunchyroll”

“In San Francisco? You’d hate it there.”

“I’d make it there. That’s the important part. I’d really make it. I’d be in.” 

“In what?” I said with a look of befuddlement. 

“You wouldn’t understand. You’re basically guaranteed a job after graduation” 

“Hey, don’t make it like tha-”

“Don’t make it like what Felix?” Ami snapped, but less with anger, and more a tired expression.

The Panel was beginning to wind down, and folks were getting up to leave. Ami bounced out of her seat and darted towards the stage. 

“Gaaaaaiiiil! Hiii, I follow you on twitter!” Ami screamed, like a schoolgirl seeing a classmate

“Amura! I follow you too! I love your singing” Gail responded in a surprisingly similar manner.

“Thanks so much, ugh. That means alot l love you and Sailor Bee’s podcast ^_^” This whole display was just. The worst. 

I backed off from the discussion, but I knew I wasn’t gonna be able to make it far without incurring that good old Fujinami wrath. Jeez they’re taking forever. Is this a meet and greet? Or a job interview. 

“Felix? Oh shit, how you been bruh?” This voice, I recognized it. 

I turned around, and yup, it was Tyler. 

“Who let riff raff like  you in here?” I said as we shook hands

“Is that any way to treat your one black friend:” He responded dryly. 

“I have plenty of black friends. Unlike you, most of my friends are girls.” I shot back. 

“Yea right, if you ever left your yuppie ass play pad I’d believe you.”

“You’d be surprised how many of em recognize me from Ami’s streams.”

“The streams she stopped inviting you to?” 

“Low blow T.” 

Tyler is a friend from Highschool who runs in the same online circles that I do. We keep in touch through discord and trade merchandise on message boards. He’s been trying to break into the FGC since middle school and recently struck a deal with a team based out of Brooklyn, The Mash Masters. He’s pretty good, quick reflexes, consistent muscle memory, but he lacks patience, and his neutral game needs work. 

“Where you headed to after this? Tryna hit up the arcade?” Asked Tyler as he picked up his backpack getting ready to leave. 

“I’m here with Ami, I gotta check and see where she’s headed to” 

“Whooptish” Tyler said, while making a whipping motion. 

“You know it’s not like that bro.” I shot back

“For her it isn’t, for you it is.” he retorted. 

I told him to wait up for a sec as I went over to Ami & Gail. They were still chopping it up like they’d known each other since band camp. 

“Shoot me a DM on twitter whenever you get the chance, I’d love to get you acquainted with the rest of my team. Maybe even talk bringing you to some other cons around the east coast ;)” Naruhodo, it seems this Gail is also of the emoji Clan. 

“Sure thing! Don’t forget to tweet out the channel link with the picture, and tell Vicky I said hi!” Ami said gleefully. 

“I definitely will, but uhh, she hates being called Vicky. Victoria or Sailorbee are just fine.” Gail responded, with a tinge of trepidation.

“Yea, I made that mistake on twitter once, it wasn’t pretty” I said with a chuckle.

“Oh hello, and who might you be?” Asked Gail.

“This is my friend Felix I was telling you about.” Ami said. Wait, telling her about what?

“Ah yes, the animator. Ami showed me your fan animation of Diebuster. Very interesting to see a Gainax show done with heavy Yutapon vibes” This lady knows her stuff.

“This lady knows her stuff” I said to Ami. 

“Of course I do silly, I work in the anime industry” The smile Gail shot me as she said this wouldn’t be out of place in a Shaft anime.  

“You definitely have some real skills. We’re looking for someone to do a sakuga heavy promo for our new youtube ad. If you’re interested, Ami has my contact info. It was so very nice meeting the both of you, don’t forget to keep in touch.” Gail said in a warm, professional tone as she got up to leave. 

“Well she seems nice” I said to Ami. 

“You’re welcome Felix.” Said Ami, in her usual biting tone. 

“I didn’t ask you for that. If I wanted a job at Crunchyroll I’d have one already.”

“‘Thanks Ami, I really appreciate you showing my work to someone really influential who can open doors in my chosen profession, would you like headpats?’” Ami said, in a mocking imitation of my sultry ciciillian speech pattern. 

“First of all, fine, thank you, that was a very nice thing to do, and I was pleasantly surprised. Secondly, do you seriously want headpats?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, you weirdo” And there’s the Tsun again. 

“I ran into Tyler, he says he’s going to the Arcade, and I was looking to go with. You in?”

“Tyler’s here? Yea sure, let’s go” 

Ami & I leave the stage and head over to where Tyler is sitting when I get a text on my phone. 

[11:58. Text from Lou]: Having fun?

[11:58. You]: Yea

He’s just like mom. 

“Oh my god it’s Amura! Could you sign my Fightstick?” Tyler sniggered, his fightstick outstretched. He’s such an asshole I love it. 

“Knock it off, I’d actually sign it if I didn’t know you’d just flip it on Ebay” Ami sneered, arms folded and head angrily tossed to the side. 

“Aww don’t be like that, I really did want your autograph. You’d be surprised how many Blazblue players would pay good cash for one” Tyler said, packing his fightstick back in his backpack. 

“If anyone’s gonna make money off the Amura brand it’s gonna be ME!” Ami retorted viciously.

“Now that’s just anti-black business” I said, chuckling as Tyler dapped me up. 

Ami rolled her eyes as heavy as she could roll them and stomped out of the conference room, and we sheepishly trailed after her.

By this point in the day I’d grown used to Ami being a lightning rod for attention. My camera skills must have leveled up big time from all those pics I had to take, of her with fans. Just getting to the Arcade area of the convention was a whole 20 minutes of photo after photo with weeb after arrested developed weeb, and to be honest I was practicing some big time restraint to not just walk out of the center and catch an Uber home. But surely enough, through fire by force, we found ourselves at the-

Boy was this the kind of place I wanted to be. The whole area was what you’d expect from a high profile convention in a big city. What seemed to be at least 30 TVs all hooked up with consoles spanning an entire auditorium. This wasn’t an arcade, it felt more like a Bazaar crossed with a colosseum. You have your old reliables for the boomers like Street Fighter, MK, ok that’s neat, there’s Melee, 64, Ultimate, Smash 4, oh even Brawl, full house, that’s impressive. As we moved through, you could imagine that there were furrowed brows due to the smell, but in all honesty it wasn’t as bad as most invitationals I’ve been to. We couldn’t find the game we were here for though; Blazblue. Tyler directed us to the kiosk so we could get directions. 

“Nigga where the Blazblue at?” Tyler said to one of the convention attendees, 

All the way at the back, by the Under Night” The Attendee responded.

I was just about ready to dart over there when Tyler said: 

“Nah hol’ up real quick bro, I got a question I gotta ask you” uh oh, I hear the Brooklyn leaking out. 

“Yea? Is there something wrong?” the attendee said, with a befuddled expression.

“Y’all always hide the anime fighters, what's up with that?” Tyler said blankly, almost with no life at all. 

“It’s not my decision where the games are set up-”

“That’s not what I asked bro. I’ve done conventions fam, I sat where you sat. NYCC 2017, bigger con than this, and from what I know about my time there, y’all have a meeting to coordinate where the games are set up. Correct?” Oh my god, Tyler what are you doing. 

“Yes correct” The attendee responded. 

“So you were in the room when the decision was made, correct?” This is so wacky

“Yea, but like, I didn’t have a choi-”

“Nobody’s asking about a choice, I’m asking you, what was the reasoning behind the decision?” Should I stop this? Or?...

“They didn’t want the anime stuff turning folks away” Oh no, here we go

“There it is” Tyler said triumphantly as he began to walk off. 

“Hey, I think it’s bullshit too ma-” t

“Yet you said nothing. You and all your boys said nothing. Aight, I see you fam. Haruhi’s watching you” Tyler said, his back already turned and walking away.  “Let’s go guys”

“Did you have to make such a big hoopla you maniac?” Ami said laughing her ass off. 

“Because I have Principles Fujinami, you should try em some time” Tyler snapped back. 

“That was the FUNNIEST shit I’ve seen all day, I’m so happy I knew to record that” Ami said, still cackling. 

“Wait you recorded that?” Tyler said, shocked

“I uploaded it. Enjoy being a meme” Ami said blankly.

“Not again…” Tyler sighed.

We finally make it to the Blazblue section, and it’s about as serviceable as you’d expect. Two TVs both hooked up to PS4s playing Central Fiction. There wasn’t much of a crowd, about 5 or 6 people, all looked to be around college age, couple on the boomer side though. All guys. 

“This game is so hyperactive…” Ami said, in a tone betwixt judgement and bewilderment. 

“Not every game gotta be Street Fighter” Said Tyler. “Ey yo, who got next?” Tyler asked a portly asian fellow playing Taokaka. 

“Uhh, I dunno, anybody got next?” the Taokaka player asked. The crowd shook their heads. “I guess it’s on you bro after this.” 

Nobody else noticed, But Tyler’s killing intent began to spike. I get you’re excited kiddo, but you haven’t even chewed the scenery yet. 

The game was pretty hype. There it was Taokaka vs Valkenhayn. Both characters with adequate rushdown capabilities and heavy damage. The Valkenhayn was an even match, but the Tao was just catching clutch reversals at every corner. It felt like seeing a tiger beat a lion by leaving a bigger gash every time they left the scuffle. Tyler, ever the professional, was quiet as a mouse. A mouthy prick like him? Quiet? I know right? But he gets like this when it’s Blazblue. The data collection phase. See if Street Fighter is Chess, then Blazblue is Mahjong. The same level of depth, but a wider variety of dealing with situational disadvantages and advantages. Tyler sees what I’m seeing and he’s analyzing, putting his pieces together, he’s not here for fun. This is off the job training. 

“FINISH” 6 red letters on the television screen. Read em & Weep. 

“My turn now right?” Tyler asked the Taokaka player. 

“Yup. What’s your name?” said the Tao player

“Tyro, and you?” oh yea I forgot that was his FGC name, everywhere else he’s Tyrilla. He sucks at names yes I know.

“I’m Yiao, nice to meet you.” Yiao said, pushing his glasses up.

The character selection screen pops up and… Wait don’t tell me he…Oh boy, Tyler’s picking his middle school main. Hazama. Yiao on the other hand started mousing over Tao then over to Litchi. Come on pick a character already. After more mousing, his cursor finally landed on Mai... From rushdown to range spam. Just all around bloodthirst.

Both of them sat in silence as the loading screen started up, until Yiao broke that silence.

“I’ve heard of you, Mash Master Tyro. To be honest I was hoping we’d meet. I have this Mai prepared just for you.” said Yiao. Yawn. This happens all the time. Tyler’s probably got him scoped already too.

“Yiao, third runner up at Anifight Staten Island. Three. Years. Running.” Yup, knew it. Tyler lives for this shit.

“You wanna know why HowRite was able to beat you 3 to nothing last year?” Tyler said, deadpan staring at the screen.

“THE WHEEL OF FATE IS TURNING” oh shit the round is starting.

“Cuz he knew if he lost, he’d never get to face my mentor in the finals”

“But wait. Ulysses isn’t on your team?” Yiao said confused, the backstory here is really weird, I’d be confused as well to be honest. 

“REBEL 1” 

“Ulysses is my stepdad.” 

“ACTION”

Told you. 

End of Act 2. 

[ishgard]

XIV Questions!

Yoinked this from @nihil242 <3

1. What’s your character’s name? I have A Ton of characters, but my main is Ahru Hiraeth. 2. What server? Many. Ahru is currently adrift over on Louisoix, but will be coming home to Crystal in the near future! 3. What race/clan? Miqo’te / Mixed Keeper-Seeker lineage. 4. Favorite class/job? Red Mage & Bard (Also monk but I'm very self-conscious about ma deeps.)

[propshophannah]

Obviously everyone's fucking pissed about TOD because "SJM just keeps fucking up" but what are your thoughts? Personally, I quite liked it.

Yeah. I liked it. There where moments where I was like, “Who tf is on this editing team that should have caught that and been like you’ll get slaughtered for this?” But overall I thought it was a good book.

There was stuff in the beginning that was her trying to blend culture and it read like she picked and chose what it was she wanted from an existing culture and then slapped it onto a page, but by the end, for me at least, it came together. It was rough in the beginning though and there were moments when I had to remind myself that this was her trying to be better. And I’m honestly not sure where I draw the hard line on cultural appropriation. But again, by the end of the book it stopped reading like she was *trying* and it started to flow seamlessly. For me at least.

I enjoyed the slow burn of all the ships and I FUCKING LOVED Chaol’s arc. It was angsty enough and it fully explained what all the Chaol fans already knew about his character and his reasons for acting the way he did. But I was glad she fully explained stuff (even though at times I found myself wishing she’d have left it for the reader to gather/know from her hints). But I also get that he is a character she loves and she wanted to explain to all the haters—and people who just didn’t get his actions—his motivations for acting the way he did.

Hypermasculinity is her brand. I know that when I open a Maas book, that’s what I’m getting. So I can’t fault her for that. If that’s something that makes people mad, then that’s a problem with them. We can’t change other people, but we can change ourselves. If hypermasculinity is not something you can deal with, then stop reading her books. Change your own behaviors. Don’t try to change Maas. That’s like complaining to your kitchen table for being a table when you want it to be a chair. It was always a table, it’s not fair to ask to suddenly be a chair. That’s on you. Not the table. Lol.

There was some stuff that was repetitive and dragged on for me that I personally would have changed or edited out. But I ain’t judging. THose things included references to Chaol’s back muscles (LOL @rufousnmacska ), Yrene healing similar back injuries with the horse riding clans, and yeah by the end that last big “I broke my oath to Nesryn” thing was a tad annoying/over done to me. But I LOVED the angst. I was just over that particular aspect of it.

It was slow for me in the beginning. But once it got going I enjoyed it. I thought she did a good job with Chaol’s recovery. His actions and inner thoughts were very believable and realistic to me. And I liked how she used the darkness in his spine as a metaphor for the darkness in him. And I did like how she showed that him not loving himself or feeling good about himself or worthy of self love and respect was his biggest roadblock. That’s one of the things that makes him so relatable to me in this series. He’s a legit human and he doesn’t get all the fancyshmancy arcs and stuff that Aelin or Dorian get. He has always had to dig deep. And I liked that we got that through and through.

I LOVED NESRYN’S ARC. AND I SWEAR TO FUCKIN GOD IF I SEE ANOTHER IDIOT POSTING ABOUT HOW IT WAS ��anti emigration or immigration” IM GONNA START THROWING SHIT. LOL. I already posted about how disgusting and toxic that shit is ESPECIALLY from people who can’t think outside their privilege.

I’m fucking excited for Kadara and Abraxos to meet! LIKE REALLLY EXCITED.

I SMELL A SPIN OFF WITH BORTE AND FALKAN AND YERAN (that probably includes Nesryn and Sartaq). AND IM HERE FOR ALL OF IT. (Just please for the love of god don’t let the last book turn into acowar. Let the original story go and end the way it was always planned!)

I’m more convinced now that Dorian and Manon are mates/connected. I’d add the Chaol and Yrene “thread” to my post listing the evidence for that. Lol.

The ending dragged on for me a bit. After Duva and Nestaq/Sarryn I was getting annoyed. But that’s just me. And also because it was a descent book, but it had a lot of filler. It could have been 100 pages shorter and been great. And part of that was that Maas spent more time describing things in this book and that’s not what I’m used to with her writing so it bugged me. I like her cuz she gets to the point quickly and then stuff starts rolling. This was paced a LOT slower. So sometimes I was hooked and other times my A.D.D. had me like “You can skim this. JUST SKIM IT!” So I had to just put it down and walk away so that I wouldn’t skim it. LOL.

I SCREAMED WHEN CHAOL FOUND OUT ABOUT THE WITCHES COMING TO HELP DORIAN AND THEM! I MEAN SCREAMED! That’s honestly ALL I WANTED from this book. ALL. And when Nes was like no it was definitely the thirteen I was like HELL YES IT WAS!

My mind is honestly ALIVE with thoughts of any other covens that may have heard about that battle and chosen to defect and follow Manon. I feel like I would expect that from Petrah, but also Manon was ALWAYS nice to the other Blackbeak covens. She gave them chances to prove themselves and helped them to fight. So I wonder if any of them said “fuck the Matron, we fly for Manon,” and tried to escape Morath to find the Thirteen to join up?! 💀💔🗑

Pretty sure Yrene is Crochan. Pretty excited she’s mixed race too.

I’m a Hasar fan. I was a bit skeptical at first. There were some iffy/cringe worthy moments for me, but by the end I felt like Maas did a good job showing the nuance and not exploiting her.

Um. Um. Um. I think that’s it for right now. Im sure I have other thoughts on it overall. But these are the thoughts I can remember!

[ragnarssons]

Do you think Clarke will be tempted to take the chip? I hope if she's tempted is because of the chip has relevant information that can help to save them or something like this. I really hope they don't put a scene where Clarke is tempted because she wants to be connected to L for always. That would mean she didn't move on. It would be a harmful and creepy message. They would be throwing away Clarke's development of this season and discrediting bellarke (since they're really close to be canon)

Okay, now that the whole frenzy kinda dissipated around that, I gotta say, I really DON’T see the point in this storyline, if it happens? Clearly Raven “has access” to Becca as we can see on the stills, yes, it endangers her life, tho, so maybe they will use the AI to do something about that. BUT, from a political standpoint, there literally IS NO WAY the Grounders would “offer” the Flame to Clarke and be like “be our leader oh great no fighter, peace lover sky person” (imagine the writers pull a stupid move like “Lxa woulda want you to have it” LOOOL the level of bs - ps, don’t get paranoid, I don’t think they will haha). They are still Grounders, and as much as people (in this fandom) like to call Sky People “Skyrats” and be like “Grounders are INNOCENT cupcakes” these dudes are as xenophobic as Pike and the “Skyrats” “are” (I put “” on here cuz I don’t see this as a “true” xenophobic vision, it’s called a war actually). There is NO WAY any of these people we see on the stills would be like “pwease Wanheda, help us, you’re our only ho-” I mean, come on, even Indra was like “daffuq?” when Clarke didn’t want to give the Flame back on ep1. It’s part of their tradition that exist for wayyy longer than Clarke, Wanheda, CL or even Lxa; I do think the Flame should remain that, a part of the plot that will remind us that, at the end, Lxa, Becca, all of them were PIECES of a whole story. So anyway, the storyline will be about the Bunker, not about who will become the leader, they will have to pull a similar system to the List™ on ep3, hence, the future episode called “The Chosen”. Also, yes, I agree with the fact that it would “discredit” Bellarke, and even put them back on s3′s track, while s4 is about a whole different relationship for them: lemme explain, Clarke “embracing” the whole Grounder “identity” they gave her “Wanheda” (that damn 303 episode) was the “breaking point” between Bellamy and Clarke. It’s not the storyline they are giving us now. I do think Clarke will be confronted to that choice again to parallel the “God Like” decisions she took on ep3 (hence, making the list). There, we can see she’s not alone, Ambassadors of all the Clans will be here to talk with her. She will just represent the Sky People: and yes, let’s be honest, for the Grounders she DOES have more credibility than Kane (the fault to season 2). I do think that, for example, Indra (she might have allies), learning that Clarke has Nightblood, might kinda try to convince her to become Commander, to have “that” leader on her side (and against Roan, since Indra is very anti-Roan). But, on one of the stills, we see Roan and another dude shaking hands, meaning Roan IS included in the deal. That being said, iF the storyline of this episode is supposed to parallel ep3, and show us that Clarke DID evolve as a leader since then, she won’t take the Flame. Actually, I do think they will all realize that all in all, the Flame doesn’t matter that much anymore (hence, Ilian and his crew, and the Grounders who are like “mehhh” when they learnt their “Commander” was destroyed). And as Marie said, then the Flame wouldn’t have that much importance for the rest of the storyline. Yes, that’s how I see things go for the “big story”. Now, will Gaia offer the Flame to Clarke, as she had it on ep1, to “hold on” to Lxa? It’s also a possibility, even tho she is a religious, if it’s about protecting the Flame, Gaia can understand that this part of the Flame/memory will be protected by Clarke in this little box (hence, she was “assigned” Flamekeeper on s3 after Lxa’s death). Will Clarke take it? Idk, I do think they need to show that Clarke has moved on (and I’m not talking with shipper goggles here, JRoth and ET literally SAID IT at Comic Con). I do think there is a possibility for Clarke to see the “love” Gaia has for what she believes in and the Flame (the literal fact that she saved it and protected it), so maybe Gaia will keep it. Yes, right now i do think the Flame will become a “piece of memory”, and that Lxa will be the “Last Commander” (yes I do know there was Ontari too but she never had the Flame in her) (tbh it’s a beautiful legacy) and that the political “progression” will be an important theme of next season: how will Grounders and Sky People live together in that bunker, who will be the leader(s)? How will they adapt? I do think the next episode might give us a little indication to how things will go there. They totally desacrificed the whole Nightblood/Flame thing by making it all about science, and a process that CAN be reproduced and isn’t “God Like”, it’s an important message around the Flame and the Grounders culture, and I do think we’ll see how they try to move on from that on next episode. I certainly don’t think they will make an Ascension of any kind, the show doesn’t have time for that, and there would be wayyyy too many people disagreeing with the process (because there should also be a Conclave, and even tho Clarke is a Nightblood, she isn’t the only one (even if Luna doesn’t want the Flame, there would still be people be like “but there is another Nightblood!”, and I mean, come on, Roan could inject himself with the thing and be a Nightblood too, and everyone who wants to be a Nightblood could be a Nightblood too, you know what I mean? It’s more and more the idea of some elections, everyone who thinks he can be a leader, try and be the leader) There is no legitimacy to Clarke being anywhere NEAR the “Commander” title, that’s it, period; it’s not her history, not her traditions, not her place, not her culture, not her “legacy”. Tons of Grounders challenged Lxa by saying “Wanheda is making you weak” or whatever, tons of Grounders HATE Clarke (hence 401 that scene where they were all ready to slay her ass). If they do, they would just have pulled so deepshit-level of plothole that would totally make me quit the show.

[do-tties]

japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it’s ♫ beautiful ♫ in the year negative a billion japan might not’ve been here. in the year negative 40,000 it was here. and you could walk to it. and some people walked to it. then it got warmer, some icebergs melted, it became an island and now there’s lots of ~trees~ (because it’s warmer.) so now there’s people on the island, they’re basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology. like stones. and bowls. ding dong, it’s the outside world and they have technology from the future. like really good metal. and crazy rice farms. now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. that means if you own the farm, you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to /survive/. so that makes you king. rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land, all the way to here. the most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here and here. but this one was the most most important, ruled by a “heavenly superperson”, called emperor for short. knock knock. get the door, it’s religion. the new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from baekje. “please try this religion,” he said. “no,” said everybody. “try it,” he said. “no,” said everybody again, quieter this time. and so the religion was put into place, and all the rules that came with it. then the government was taken over by another clique, and they made some reforms, like making the government govern more, and making the government more like china’s government, which is a government that governs more. “hi china,” they said. “hi dipshit,” said china. “can you call us something else, other than dipshit?” said japan. “like what?” said china. “♫ how about sunrise land? ♫” said japan. and they stole china’s alphabet and wrote a book. about themselves. and then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while. right here. and they conquered the north finally, get that squared away. a rich hipster named kukai is bored with modern buddhism, visits china and learns a better version which is more ~spiritual~ comes back, reinvents the alphabet and causes art and literature to be ~great~ for a long time. and the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country. so if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals? ♫ hire a samurai ♫ everyone started hiring samurai. (correction: rich important people hired samurai. poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai.) the samurai became organized and powerful, more powerful than the government. so they made their own military government, here. they let the emperor still be “emperor”, but the shogun is actually in control. BREAKING NEWS the Mongols have invaded China. “we’ve invaded china,” said the mongols. “please respect us, or else we might invade you as well.” “okay,” said japan. so the mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornado. but they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the japanese but then died in a tornado. then the emperor overthrows the shogunate, then the shogunate overthrows him back and moves to kyoto and makes a new shogunate. and the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that’s fine. ♫ now there’s more art ♫ like painting with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers. it’s time for who’s going to be the next shogun? usually it’s the shogun’s kid. but the shogun doesn’t have a kid, so he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. he says ok. but then the shogun has a kid. so now who’s it gonna be? vote now on your phones. and everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. the shogun actually didn’t care, he was off somewhere doing poetry. and the whole country broke into pieces. everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it’s anybody’s game. knock knock. it’s europe. no, they’re not here to take over (yet) they just wanna sell some shit. like clocks. and guns. and ~jesus~. so that’s cool, but everyone’s still fighting with each other for control. now with guns!! and wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them? this clan is ready to make a run for it, but first they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way. surprise, the smaller clan wins, and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital, and it goes very well. he’s about halfway through conquering japan when someone who works for him kills him, and then someone else who works for him kills them. and that guy finishes conquering japan. and then he confiscated everybody’s swords and made some rules. “and now i’m going to invade korea, and then hopefully china,” he said and failed, and also died. but before he died, he told these five guys to take care of his 5 year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of japan. and the five guys said “Yeah, Right. it’s not gonna be this kid. it’s gonna be one of Us. cuz we’re /grownups/.” and it’s probably gonna be this guy who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others. a lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. they have a fight, and he wins, and starts a new government, right here ~Edo~ and he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor and have very nice things. but don’t get confused. this is the new government, and they are very strict. so strict they closed the country. no one can leave, and no one can come in. except for the dutch, if they want to buy and sell shit, but they have to do it right here. now that the entire country was not at war with itself the population increased a lot. business increased, schools were built, roads were built, everyone learned to read, books were published, there was poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows, and dutch studies. people started to study european science from books they bought from the dutch. we’re talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, maybe even electricity. over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow down- knock knock. it’s the United States. with huge boats. (with guns) (gunboats) “open the country. stop having it be closed.” said the united states. there’s really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets united states, britain and russia visit japan anytime they want. choshu and satsuma hated this. “that sucks.” they said. “this sucks!!!!” and with almost very little outside help, they overthrew the shogunate, and somehow made the emperor the emperor again, and moved him to edo which they renamed eastern capital. they made a new government which was “a lot more western”. they made a new constitution that was pretty western and a military that was pretty western. and do you know what else is western? that’s right, it’s conquering stuff. so what can we conquer? korea. they conquer korea, taking it from its previous owner china, and then go a little bit further. and russia rushes in out of nowhere and says “stop, no, you can’t take that. we were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” and russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shit ton of soldiers. and then when the railroad was done they downgraded to a fuck ton. (did i say downgrade? i meant upgrade.) and japan says “can you maybe chill?” and russia says “How About Maybe You Chill?” japan’s kinda scared of russia. you’ll never guess who’s also kinda scared of russia. great britain. so japan and great britain make an alliance together so they can be “a little less scared of Russia”. feeling confident, japan goes to war against russia, just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop. ♫ it’s time for World War 1 ♫ The World is about to Have A War because it’s the 1900’s and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. meanwhile japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants ｍ ｏ ｒ ｅ and the next thing on our list is this part of china and lots of tiny islands. all that stuff belongs to germany, which has just had war declared on them by britain, because britain was friends with belgium, which is being trespassed by germany in order to get to france to kick france’s ass because france is friends with russia who is getting ready to kick austria’s ass because austria is getting ready to kick serbia’s ass because someone from serbia shot the leader of austria’s ass. (er, actually shot him in the head.) and britain is currently friends with japan, so you know what that means? duh. ♫ japan should take the islands ♫ which they wanted to do anyway. so they called britain on the tele to sort of let them know. and then they did it. and they also helped britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. now the war is over and congratulations japan you technically fought in the war which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes where they decided who owns what. and yes, japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from germany. you also get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫ the League of Nations ♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. the great depression is bad and japan’s economy is now crappy. but the military is doing just fine and it invades manchuria. and the League of Nations is like “no, don’t do that, if you’re in the league of nations you’re not supposed to take over the world!” but japan said ♫ how bout i do anyway? ♫ and japan invaded more and more and more and more of china and was planning to invade the entire east. You’ve Got Mail it’s from germany. the new leader of germany. he has a cool moustache and is trying to take over the world and needs friends. this also got forwarded to italy, and they all decided to be friends because they have so much in common. ♫ it’s time for World War 2 ♫ (the sequel) germany is invading the neighbors. then they invade the neighbor’s neighbors. then the neighbor’s neighbor’s neighbors, who happened to be britain said “holy shit” and the united states started helping britain because they are ♫ good friends ♫ and started not helping japan because ♫ their friends and our friends are not friends ♫ ♫ plus they’re planning on invading the entire ocean ♫ the united states is also working on a large very huge bomb, bigger than any other bomb, ever™, just in case. but they still haven’t joined the war. war looks bad on tv, and the united states is really starting to care about their image. but then japan spits on them in hawaii and challenges them to war, and they say yes. and then germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the united states also, and so the united states goes to war in europe. and they help the gang chase germany back in to germany, and they also start chasing japan back into japan. and they haven’t used the bomb yet, and are curious to see if it works, so they drop it on japan. they actually drop two. united states installed a new government inspired by the united states government with just the right ingredients for a ♫ post-war economic miracle ♫ and japan starts making tvs, vcrs automobiles and camcorders as fast as they can and also better than everybody else. they get rich and the economy goes wild and then the miracle wears off but everything’s still pretty cool i guess ♫ bye ♫ - omg i'm crying this is the best wake up gift thank u