#cuz for a moment I felt terribly jealous
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r0tting-rat · 3 months ago
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Just saw someone getting tattooed the proxy symbol and. I'm just saying. I'm legally an adult with free will.
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fixated-cookies · 24 days ago
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OOUUU I LOVE OBLIVIOUS READERS (because me too the fuck)
the pv x oblivious spouse ask u got made me think of shmilk and an oblivious partner/spouse who's all like "yeah, that's my bf who i love very much, he's a little silly but i promise he's nice (when he wants to be)!", meanwhile shmilk in the bg, frothing at the mouth and growling like a deranged animal bc the person his lovely lovely doll was talking to hit on them (but they didn't notice)
reader: aw babe? need extra cuddling? are you okay? D:
(yandere) shmilk, holding onto reader for dear life, head buried in their hair, content like a cat cuz there's a bitch™ being actively puppet tortured in the basement: matter of fact i think you should pay more attention to me, hm?~ too many people taking space in your lil nogging, doll! it should only be me~
reader: totally normal behavior! :D
(totally don't think about shmilk fucking the reader stupid because he's jealous, prattling on and on w/ his possessive obsessive bullshit, while the reader is smiling like an idiot, briefly thinking "aw? he loves me so!! he's so cute but he should stop stressing, i love him so much!!" before not thinking shit cuz the dick is that good™)
RIGHT?!? Why would you waste your precious thoughts in your little head on those nameless cookies that don't matter? They don't even deserve a role as an extra in this performance...
Smut incoming
Ooh just imagine you talking about them in front of him, rambling on and on about how kind and nice they were to you. Meanwhile he's trying to keep his composure. You barely even noticed the moment Shadow Milk’s mood shifted. His grin had tightened, his gaze had darkened, and he was suddenly much closer than before.
Then, as you continued to chat—blissfully unaware of the way his jaw tensed every time you so much as spoke about that nameless cookie. Without warning, you felt the weight of him collapse against you."Mmmmhh… no," Shadow Milk huffs, burying his face into the crook of your neck, his arms wrapping around you in a vice grip. "Don’t wanna hear another word about them. Not interested. Nope."
His voice is saccharine, sing-songy in a way that should be playful, but there’s a bite to it—a pout laced with something much sharper. You blink, startled, trying to shift, but he refuses to budge. "Shadow Milk—?" "Shhhhhhhhhhhh…" He hums, snuggling closer—possessively, stubbornly, his breath warm against your skin. "Not listening. Not listening."
So here he is, ravishing you with fevered, all-consuming kisses, pressing you against the nearest surface like he’s trying to erase any trace of that insignificant insect from your memory. Oh, but of course you’d forget, doll~ You’re just so busy, aren’t you? Entertaining all these side characters, letting them yap and yap in your precious ear—tsk, tsk. What a shame! What a tragedy! The star of the show, getting distracted by background noise! But don’t worry, poppet. Shadow Milk Cookie will fix that.
He devours you, his lips crashing against yours in a fevered, desperate kiss, hands gripping you tight—possessive, unyielding, demanding.
"Oh, poor thing~" he croons between kisses, his voice dripping with something mockingly sweet. "You’ve been working so hard, haven’t you? Entertaining all these side characters, wasting your precious time—tsk, tsk." He nips at your lips, at your jaw, down to the sensitive curve of your neck, leaving trails of heat wherever his mouth wanders. His grip tightens at your waist, keeping you exactly where he wants you.
"You must be so tired, hmm? So terribly exhausted from all that meaningless chatter." His fingers trail up your arm, slow, teasing, tracing patterns into your skin. "But don’t you worry, my dear, sweet doll, I’ll make sure you never waste your time like that again~."
He kisses you deeper, harder, as if trying to erase every memory of anyone but him.
And when his cock finally sinks into you, you'll find out the thoughts of whoever unfortunate cookie that was in your head melt out rather quickly. "What a shame… That little side character already slipped from your mind, didn’t they? Already replaced by me? I should've been all you were thinking about in the first place, dearie." Oh, but he wants to make sure of it. His lips trail down the length of your neck, slow, possessive, until—
Bite.
It’s not enough to break skin, no, but it’s sharp, lingering, enough to make you gasp—and that sound? Oh, that delicious sound? It makes him grin.
Shadow Milk Cookie is the type who needs to leave proof of his love, something undeniable that stains your skin like the lingering touch of his magic. Kisses are wonderful, yes—deep, fervent, consuming—but bites? Ohhh, bites are even better. Because kisses fade. But marks Marks stay.
He'll grab the underside of your leg while leaning into your neck just biting all over while thrusting until he makes sure every single tainted thought in your head is filled with nothing but him. Listening to your gasp and moans as he fills you in deeper and deeper...
His voice is a smug little hum, his grin utterly insufferable.
"That’s right, doll~ You’re mine. And you love it, don’t you?"
--
Guess who is back? I've been gone for two days, yes I know, I just needed a break lol. Guess who also got into jambound on ao3?? ME!!I I've been studying how shadow milk talks and interacts with others because unfortunately, I'm not far enough in the game yet to actually meet him yet. But his interactions with shadow milk cookie in the fic are sooo canon!! You guys are in for a treat the next time I write PV and SM, get ready!!
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cyrusthedragon · 2 years ago
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Mother of his child
Explicit ‼️ MDNI ‼️ NSFW 18+
I promised and I did: Simon sucks his wife's titties while talking about a big happy family with her.
Relationship: Simon Ghost Riley / f!Reader
Tags: porn with plot, dominance, married couple, rough sex, established relationship, breastfeeding, creampie, LOTS of dirty talk, some of spit play, LOTS of milk, LOTS of breeding, LOTS of 'mama'-calling, nasty stuff, happy family fluff for aftercare, size kink, sex after some time, no "Ghost", babying Simon.
Simon Riley really loves his wife, like... possessively. Almost obsessively.
Notes:
f!Reader gained weight after giving birth, and she has too much milk. Greedy and perverted Simon can't think about her selling her milk to people who have feeding problems. He's jealous.
You and Simon serve(d) together.
(Kinda, cuz it's funny, but not actually) Bossy!Reader in the end.
You and Simon have a newborn child.
Trigger warning: English isn't my first language, so, please, write a comment if I did a good job, I need to know if it's good, cuz I'm not really sure. But i enjoyed writing it! You can subscribe to me, I'll write a lot more about him! And I take requests, hehehe, especially most dirty ones. So. Please, enjoy ♥️
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AO3
"You'll bore a hole in me..." you said under your breath, touching baby girl with just your fingertips and not taking your eyes off of her.
Simon immediately straightened his back, paying attention to the book in his hands again, and you chuckled softly:
"What's going on in your mind, baby?"
Silence in the room, only a soft melody from somewhere in the house, and the three of you sitting in your bedroom: you, feeding your precious baby girl, she, smacking from the delicious milk, and your husband, trying to pretend he's reading his book. Considering how he didn't touch a single page for the last fifteen minutes, he was either repeating that one spread or trying to memorize it all.
Or just being a pervert.
It's Simon we're talking about, no one on Earth would ever suspect him of thinking about something nasty, but... You were his wife. Mother of his child.
You knew there was something in those blue eyes of his - he looked at you exactly like that one day when you... When you decided to have a child.
You weren't, actually.
It was an accident.
But when you told him about your pregnancy and asked if you should take a Plan B, for one moment after that horrific word, he looked at you, almost shaking from nervousness, with something in his eyes that you recognized as a... Reluctance? "Yeah," he cleaned his throat, moved his gaze away because, obviously, the floor was way more interesting than a damn pregnancy test in your hands, "yes, you're right, Plan B... We shouldn't.. we should, uh...". Words have never been one of his strengths, if you were not in bed.
You looked at him trying very hard to say something, and one thing in him just matched you so perfectly, that for one second you thought maybe.. maybe...
"Can we keep-"
"What if we..."
You said it at the same time, and neither you nor he understood who was saying what, but the excitement was so loud, that you couldn't resist impulses to grab his hands. Neither could he help but stretch out his arms to you and hold you to give you a hug, even if he himself was just as terribly scared.
That shit was scary. No doubt.
It would not have been that horrifying if not for these thoughts of yours. Common.
"If we..." you heard Simon speaking, felt him swallowing loudly, "Maybe, if.. maybe we can..."
"Can keep it?" you helped, squeezing him with all your strength just to feel yourself safe. "You think we can?.."
"I think... I think I want to, but.."
"You want?"
And that was the moment when you moved away a little to look him straight in the eyes, seeking there for something you weren't sure exactly what.
"Yes?.." he answered under his breath. As freaked out as you were. Of course, he was. Both of you were soldiers, to the core. No one of you ever dares to dream about having a baby... It's a huge responsibility, and neither he nor you thought you could handle it, that's why you always used protection to minimalize your chances. It doesn't mean you didn't want to - hell yes you wanted, especially with Simon, and the more you got to know him, the better you understood he wanted this, too.
A family.
A real family, bonded with each other, someone you can hold in your hand and give all your love, all your affection, untapped awe for having something you and Simon created together. Holy hell, you married a dead man, did you think you had no strength for a little human? Just a baby? It took almost half of a year for you and Simon to finally get married, you took his last name and did it with all your patience, although the boys in one-four-one started calling you Mrs. Riley a long time before you became Mrs. Riley, and all these troubles, years of waiting for something with him, all this situationship, candy-bouquet period, all of it...for being afraid of having a child? It can't be that ha-
You were selfish.
Thinking about yourself, not your baby, who would most likely live alternately with one parent, then with the other - depending on which one of you would be called for a mission. You knew it. You knew you can have your parental leave, for twelve weeks, and, and, and...
"..ve. Love!" you shuddered - Simon rarely used to raise his voice at you, and often it was because of how easily you were distracted by thinking about something very important to you. You lose your patience when you were afraid of something. You blinked, looked up at him, and suddenly he was so calm that you were immediately infected by his calmness, without realizing it. "Breathe, love," he whispered, holding your face in his palms, so huge compared to your head. "Do you want to keep her?" and when he asked, looking you dead in the eyes, he already knew your answer, but...
You breathed out: "Her?"
Eyes to eyes, one very important dialogue without a single word between you, your shiny to his bright, deep ocean blue. "I want a girl," he whispered, not even blinking. "I want a boy", you said lowing your voice to match his, and he nodded, pulling you closer to touch your forehead with his. "Then... Let's see who it will be," Simon's lips were so close to yours, you half closed your eyes, pressed your lips into a tight line, and then closed them completely when he murmured in your mouth before kissing you full of his endless gratitude: "...shall we?"
And that was it.
You lost your little bet and were very happy about it.
The little one was happy, too, sucking milk, already ready for her beauty sleep, so beautiful, and a bit... sassy, biting your swollen nipple with per pink gums, making you hiss and chuckle softly. She had her father's shiny eyes. Your love. Your precious child.
"Simon, darling, you're staring." You finally moved your eyes from your daughter to your husband, smiled at him and he could no longer pretend he was reading his book. He wasn't. "Am I?" you heard him sighing, but his gaze started to be a little more... heavier than a second before you decided it was enough for baby girl and took her away from your chest. "Yes, darling, you are," your voice softened, small one whined, lying on the bed, twitching her hands and feet, and you giggled: "What a greedy creature... Never enough for her." But she quickly calmed down - the music changed to a comforting lullaby... You could finally get up and stretch your legs, fix your dressing gown, and move to Simon, sitting on the armchair.
"You didn't answered my question."
Baby monitor right behind your girl, and you allowed yourself to go straight to the kitchen - hungry as hell, while Simon simply followed your steps God knows why.
"What question?" He asked, watching you getting your snacks.
Bare feet, loose hair, mid-thigh gown, and the wet spots in it, right in front of your nipples. You're still leaking. And mouth-watering. And holy shit he just can't stop looking at your covered chest, how heavy your breasts are, how they freely jiggle when you're just moving. "Simon." he can't hear you, all his nature is focused there where your nipples touch your closes, these eyes are wild. You watched him, busy analyzing your chest or whatever, and didn't get yet the hell was wrong, but it's Simon, so... Whatever he was thinking about he would tell you, sooner or later.
But you didn't expect 'sooner' will be that...soon.
You turned your back to him to find something in the fridge and gasped when he suddenly lifted you, sitting you on the table, face to him. "Riley, the hell are you?!-" and then you met his eyes again.
Truly, wild.
"What? Eat your food, love." his voice was strange, he completely was strange, something just cracked in you, a blush appeared in your cheeks immediately, then he pulled back the gown and your hand trembled, accidentally dropping a snack on the floor.
He bared your chest with a face like nothing happened, and you swallowed your tongue like a proper coward, did not know how - did not want to - stop him and did not even try to interrupt whatever he was going to do. You felt the shivers down your spine - his hands on your ribs, fingertips almost tickling you, forcing you to smile, but there was nothing to smile about, just your husband being odd and making your legs shake with just his hands.
God, you didn't touch him for almost six months...
"I can't," you whispered, shutting your eyes while feeling his hand off you and somehow knowing for sure he was pulling his mask up to his nose.
"Why?" The hoarse voice of his just drove you crazy. Your brain was about to explode with this sudden satisfaction he brought to you by massaging your torso and jelly belly, and you couldn't answer properly: "Because you... What are you... Just take what you want already." You hissed, and maybe it would be fear for him to feel embarrassed by your tone and hands, hugging his head, but he did not care anymore or simply did not understand that, so he just... Did it.
You felt his wide tongue in front of your nipple.
And you inhaled.
"Simon... Simon, what are you doing, Simon..."
Your voice was less caring than you wanted it to be, and he didn't even look at you to answer: "Joining you to eat a snack."
"Oh I'm a snack now, wonderful..." words came out of your mouth before you shut it, "You little pervert, are you seriously going to su-... Oh, god."
Tongue swept all over your breast before Simon straightened up to his full height - and even though you were sitting on the table, he had to tilt his head to look at you. Giant. His gaze was much heavier than before, his pupils bigger, his brows furrowed to let you know, he was ashamed of you:
"That's how your talking to a baby, love?" Simon murmured and you did not even try to believe what you heard. He continued, seeing your confusion: "I see... I'm no longer your baby, am I?"
"Wha-.."
Oh.
'"What's going on in your mind, baby?"'
So that's what it was all about.
"You pervert," you said, watching him laying you down on the table and towering over you like he was some kind of mountain of muscles. This whole situation was quite crazy, and you swallowed, losing all your boldness just because of how dominant he became, taking your hands in his one so tightly that you couldn't move your fingers if you wanted to. Breath-taking Simon. First, you met on your first night together. A completely different person than what you usually see. His gaze was on you, examining you - how the fabric glided effortlessly over your body, showing up your ribs, tummy, chubby sides (you gained some weight after giving birth and were a little worried about it, but the way he cravingly looked at your fat...), your white panties, already wet for him. Of course, you were wet. He was between your legs, holding your hands, ready to eat you up.
"'Baby?..'" you whispered under him, trying to move your feet, but his other hand grabbed your knee abruptly and pushed it aside, leaving you completely open to him. "Don't try to hide, mama," you gasped at his words, heart started beating faster, and his head lowered to touch your belly with his lips. Soft and full. "It's nothing you need to be ashamed of.. if it's not me. Are you ashamed of me, mama?". Impossible, how he affected you with this damn 'mama' spoken by his powerful, quiet voice, "You don't need to be ashamed. Didn't you say today that your breasts are full? Don't you remember?".
You swallowed your saliva, chest up and down, and your voice cracked when Simon slightly touched underneath your filled breast, "I said we can sell it... There are many people with.. problems with.. with feeding. Simon, what are you-"
"Stop asking. You don't trust me?"
"I do, but-"
"No 'but'."
You should've said something, but when he grabbed your tit with his wide palm, compressed your nipple lightly between the index and middle fingers, everything that was in your head vanished immediately. Milk ran out over his fingers, to his wrist, and tangled in his short hair above the tattoo. "So easily, mama," he murmured, following the drop of your milk, "you're so full.. and you wanna give this to someone else? You wanna take it away from our daughter? Deprive her of that, mama? Is that what you want for her?"
You just said there's too much milk in you, useless milk, because your girl never starved, but the mere idea of giving part of you to someone who wasn't his child, just made him so, so jealous. You choked - Simon pulled your nipple with his fingers as if in punishment.
"No, no, of course not, I just wanted..."
And then the moon fell:
"You can give it to me." Your eyes widen in shock. And you saw him raise his milk-stained hand and watched his tongue follow the line from elbow to finger, licking your juice. "Sweet..." He murmured, "So sweet, so delicious..." And before you even realized, he sat you up at that table, wrapped his hand around you, and pressed his open, greedy mouth to your milking breast, moaning, like it was the best thing he ever tasted. A cry escaped your lips, you instantly grabbed his head, closed your eyes tightly - your nipples were so, so sensitive after feeding, and now he almost ate 'em. Shivers ran through your body, every cell was tense, trembling legs closed behind his back, as if locking him with a fuckin' padlock pressed against your body, yet still fully dressed. "Madman," you whined, squeezing the back of his balaclava, "you're a madman, Simon Riley, you're out of your mind...Teeth-!" Your sob forced him to let go of your chest with a loud smack, just like your baby did before, and the marks of his teeth were clearly visible on the soft, full flesh around your nipple.
"Watch your teeth- god, you-" you cried out, almost ready to hit him on the back, but then he, stooped, suddenly looked up at you, so innocent, so open, that something in your gut began to tighten. "Something wrong, mama?" He said, and you miraculously felt how his second hand was lost between your thighs. Breath didn't want to recover, he clung to you, pressing his cheek against your chest, and milk flowed out of you harder.
"No..." You answered, not sure if he's a pervert for calling you 'mama', or you for enjoying it so much, "Nothing wrong, baby... Just.. watch your teeth, okay?" Eyes to eyes, without a blink, you sucked air through your teeth and slowly put your trembling hand at his half-covered cheek, stroking until he closed his eyes, "You want to be good for mama, don't you, baby?"
"Mhm", he whispered, kissing your hand softly.
You didn't know your first sex with Simon after such a long time would be like that, but his finger, just one, was in your underwear and it pressed your clit so good, that you almost lost your mind, tilt you head back.
"I will be good for you, but I'm so mad at you..." Suddenly his voice softened and your hips tensed; his palm was fully in your panties, squeezing your cunt, pressing the middle finger to the entrance.
"Why mad, baby?.."
"I'm so mad you want to give yourself to someone else, mama," and when he opened his eyes, his finger entered you on the first finger phalanx, you hold your breath and bit your lip - you forget how big his fingers were, one of his like two of yours, and there was no lubricant, just your sloppy juices. Every tiny scar on his finger was fully felt, every callus, every cut. "You wanted to share yourself with hell knows who. That's how you feel about us, love? Is that it? Instead of giving everything to your, to my child, our child, you were going to.. what?" finger thrust further, you gasped, he pressed you into himself tighten. One small kiss to your neck and you already was useless, when he lifted you again and whispered in your ear while carrying you to the couch and putting you on his thighs so that you could lay down on him completely naked.
You don't need clothes, do you?
"You were going to waste it, love." He continued. "Instead of calling me, your husband, to help you."
"Help me with what?.. sucking this milk?.."
"Exactly, love."
You would've chuckled, but then there was a crack and your torn panties fell to the floor.
He tore them on you.
Animal.
"Beast..." You whispered, putting your head on his shoulder and feeling him squeezing your tits once more with both his hands.
"Me?" Simon's soft laughter was almost unbelievable, "No, no... I'm not. You are. A little cow, mama. Leaking your sweet milk. Just like a cow. Allowing me to drink it..." he pressed his face into your chest, threw you back, milk splashed from your nipples and hit him right on the balaclava, "What a mess you are. You're looking? Look carefully." fingers squeezed one nipple, twisted, pulled, milk splashed in all directions, flowed all over your chest and down to your torso, and his hands, warm, making you whine and mumble in pain in half with pleasure, just like a cow. "Oh love, and not just here. Don't take your eyes off, watch how wet you are, you ruined my clothes," his second hand went down to your groin, suddenly you wanted to cover yourself, but his middle and index fingers had already opened your vulva, revealing his hungry gaze your lower lips. "Look at you, you're soaking, mama... Do you hear it? That's your sound."
The sloshing of your juices as he circled around your entrance, the crackling of his clothes as you squeezed his shoulders, your whimpering as he purposely ignored your hard clit - all this cacophony was his symphony for your ears, and only yours.
"You sound so well, love..."
"Simon.. Simon, please, Simon..."
"What 'please'?"
"Simon, please, I want to kiss you..."
"Kiss me then."
"No! No! Please, Simon, I want to kiss you so bad... Please let me just-" and your shaking fingers touched the edges of his balaclava, throwing aside.
Scars.
Scars all over his face.
His bright eyes, his short blond hair, and all these scars made him look way older than he was. Breath-taking Simon.
You couldn't resist the impulse to praise him like he always secretly loved:
"You're so beautiful..." Fingers ran over his cheeks, cheekbones, brows, nose, lips, so kissable, you pressed your mouth to his with a hiss, feeling Simon again in you with his whole finger. "Damnit, baby..." You said, silencing him by taking his tongue with yours.
His hand on your ass, his finger fucking you, so tight girl, he loves feeling your walls around him, up and down - you got up on him, fucking yourself with his finger, and lowered to feel how he put his second finger to your entrance. Your breath hitched as he broadened your entrance, slowly pushing himself inside. Juices sloshing, his panting against your neck, his other hand gripping your ass so hard it threatened to bruise it, and his fingers fucking you like he was re-examining you - twisting the hand, pushing in, speeding up and massaging your inner lips and your clit, making you moan so loud, thank god rooms were soundproof. "I want to be inside you so bad, mama..." You heard him, hissing in your skin, biting it with his sharp teeth, you could've just hugged him tighten, "So wet, so delicious, look at you, how beautiful you are, ready to carry my second child...are you ready, mama?"
"Second child?.." you whispered barely audible, eyes watering from his aggressive pounding, and almost whining when the sound of unfastening the belt reached your ears and the cold steel of its plate touched your hot skin.
"Of course," and he didn't even stop pounding you, that dirty pervert; pulled his boxers down, letting the cool air touch the head of his cock. Red, wet head. Big. Thick. You didn't have to look at it to instantly lower your palms down and, howling like a wild dog, grab his cock with your both hands. "Fuck, love..." He cursed, clutching your ass, "You missed me, huh? Did you?"
"I did, I did, so much, baby, so much..." your trembling voice, your confident hands stroking his already hard fat dick, your cunt, shrinking from the memory of how sweetly he filled you that last time before your pregnancy... You, cock-drunk, beneath him, full with his thick hot sperm and covered by it all over your body - your ass, your vulva, your belly, your face; he came so much then, it was your first night together after you both returned from your mission. And now you can have it again... Finally.
"Pink on your cheeks suits you, love," he murmured, stroking your cheek like you did with his, "but I prefer your tears..." and before you even understood, his tongue already was on your face, licking off salty tears, mumbling, moving his hips to you while you jerked him off. "Everywhere... Wet everywhere... Did you always have been such a dirty fat slut?.. Crying, milking, soaking... I can eat you alive. Show me your mouth," he took his hand off your butt, roughly opened your mouth, looked, "Oh, I see... Would you mind, if I-"
And you felt his saliva on your tongue before Simon finished his sentence.
"There you go, such a good girl..."
But he didn't even think about letting you swallow his spit, and while you were trying to get back into rhythm, drunk on his saliva, he threw you onto the sofa, covering you from above, like a goddamn wall: "No, no, don't close your mouth." An animal, a real beast, twice your size, towered over you, mocked you, deprived you of his fingers and you could only helplessly scratch his hands near your head and push your pelvis in him, trying to somehow sit on his cock with your pathetic leaky pussy. "Don't close your mouth, you don't want me to fuck you, mama?" Sly bastard, so different, so cold, so soft for all of them, role model, best fighter, squad pride...Made fun of you, so turned on. You nearly hated him for this, but couldn't deny how you loved him above you.
"I want," trembled lips parted, saliva flowed slowly down your tongue to its root, your heavy breath was the only music for him.
"You want? Then be good for me, and I'll be good for you, mama, your good, good baby boy, mama... I would be anything for you, open your mouth, open it, let me fill you everywhere, will you, please?"
You barely had time to grab his short hair when he pressed his mouth to your mouth, but your tongues did not touch each other, you only shared your breath with him, as you always did, and when the tip of his fat cock touched your entrance, you held your breath, feeling how, along with his length, ripping you apart, widening you, inch by inch, he poured into you also his spit. Thick saliva - that's how hungry he was for you, his mouth was full of this viscous liquid.
"Good mama," words were hard for you, he closed his eyes, stopped at how tight you were, grabbed your leg, and slung it on his belt, thrusting deeper into you. Each vein on his long cock, each brought so much pleasure to extremely tight you... It was nearly impossible to move, but he always was stubborn and even when the drop of sweat ran over his neck, he continued entering you, sadistically slowly. "Relax for me," he almost begged, and you whispered:
"I've already..."
"So that's how tight you actually are, then, huh?" Seems Simon was starting to lose patience, fingers of one hand pressed on the upholstery of the sofa near your head, the second he squeezed your breast as if in revenge: "I almost forgot how it's like...when you're not in the shape of my cock." he sucked in air through clenched teeth, staring into the tears in your eyes, like he wanted to lick them again, "But it's okay..." He continued, thrusting you exactly to halfway of his cock, "We have plenty of time to make you perfect for me again, love. It's okay. I'll fuck you 'til you'll be open for me every time I want to fill you with my cum. You like my cum?" you cried, his heavy hand gave a slap on your ass, "Of course you do... Mama's such a slutty thing, she's always ready for me to cum in her, give her so much of my sperm, so she can give birth to our future big family."
"Big..." You whined about how he was ripping you with his dick, demonically slowly to the very core, to the root. You felt the warmth of his full, heavy balls, as he promised, filled with his cum just for you, and your back arched in an unthinkable angle, as soon as you felt the coarse hair on his groin.
"Yes, love, big family," and even his mumbling reached you with difficulty, you suffered on him, scratched him, beat, squeezed him with your legs, wriggled like a snake, and he hung over you, indestructible, like a rock, tried to take a breath from the pain in the cock. "Me, you, our children, so many children..."
And there was the first thrust.
Right on the nerves.
Until the pitiful cry and eyes rolled back.
Big, big, big-
So fucking big-
"What, you can't handle me anymore?" his hoarse rough voice came from above and your body shook as he thrust into you and slap your thigh, leaving the big red shape of his five fingers. "How you're going to have my children then? Be the mother of my babies, raise 'em, feed 'em with that delicious milk of yours-" Simon compressed one of your nipples again and you choked on a scream as the milk spurted freely up. "Dirty, dirty mama..." Was his only response.
And he fucked you.
To the cries, putting all his strength into you, moaning loud and clear, just like you love, forcing you to beg for his cock, but already fuckin' you, watching your tits jiggle and milk splash everywhere, spoil his clothes, get on your cheeks. To legs shaking, to an exhausted body, growling in your face how much he's going to cum in you so that you burst from his sperm, pregnant with his children, forever, for your whole life, so everyone, every fucking single one from everywhere could see whose are you, who you belong to. This belly, squishy and fatty, this face, these tits, hips, legs, feet, mouth, this milk, and other juices, these eyes, beautiful, beautiful eyes, these delicious lips, this heart and soul - all, all for him and his children, all for the Riley family, all of it for them and no one else, no one fuckin' else. You're trapped here, you're never gonna leave this man and his child, you belong to them with your whole being, you understand that? Do you, mama? Do you understand there's no escape, he would fight Death if that sucker would ever allow himself to at least think about taking you away from Simon; he would fight Death, and he would kill it because no one has the slightest right to take even a piece of you from him.
"Mine," he groaned, sinking his fangs into your neck, suddenly grabbing you by the waist and lifting so that you sat on his cock as tightly as physically possible, and kept fucking you, beating out from you every moan, every deep scratch your nails left on his shoulders as you bathed his neck with your tears. Pressed into each other, like two halves of a whole, crazy, lost in each other, interwoven, and you won’t understand where you begin and he ends. Your cunt hurts, but the pain is so sweet that you're not sure you want to cut it, you're not sure you want him to stop, to be more gentle, not pounding you like a fucking hammer, and the angle is so right - you can feel not just his dick deep inside you, but how your clit is stimulated by him, his rough movements. Oh, this beast, this madman, this insane man... So insane just for you. You cried out, moaned: "Simon... Simon! Simon!" as if it was the only thing you remembered in your life, and the rubbing of your bare nipples against his outer clothing forced you to snuggle closer to him and at the same time as if trying to get away from him.
He was no longer there, he was all inside you, thrusting you like it was his last day, angry, but carrying you so perfectly that you could've let yourself lay on him, and you knew he would never let you fall.
"Simon, Simon, listen, listen to me, please-" your trembling voice almost vanished in all these sex sounds, but he pushed you closer (there was no 'closer') and you simply whined: "Simon, I'm going to cum, I'm going to cum, I'm going to- I want to cum so bad- please, Simon, I wanna cum, I want you to cum, please, cum with me, please-" Your fingers pulled back his hair. You yourself pulled back, arched in your back, and instantly your muscles contracted on his cock, forcing him to fall, falling with you on the soft sofa. A little more and he would've crushed you with his weight, but with a desperate groan he managed to grab your hands and, lacing your fingers together, lean on them to hang over you, not for a second slowing down the speed of his deep, passionate thrusts.
Your useless legs struggled to stay on his lower back, your breasts were shaking painfully and you felt the blessing of heaven when he clung to you, pressed, as tightly as it was physically possible, and instantly squeezed you in both his hands. "Cum for me," he moaned in your ear, his veiny cock almost touched your uterus, but it seemed that if he wanted to, he would fuck your womb just to impregnate you. "Cum for me, mama, let me see how happy you are to be pregnant for me, just for me, showing people how you love me, scream, mama..."
Heavy breathing, deep unforgiving pounds, bursting cock, burning heart, nails scratching his strong broad back, ribs compressed with iron arms - and you, so tiny compared to him, you, so little, so fragile looking in his arms... were ready for anything for this man. "Cum for me," he ordered, grunted, and you tensed on him, squeezed him with all your might to his own loud moan, and tears gushed from your helplessly rolled eyes. His moans, low but beautiful, just for you, were the only thing you heard in your petite mort.
And his seed filling you, hot, thick, was the only thing you felt.
The maddening feeling of being filled with rich cum, his cum, your husband's, your man's, drove you to a silent scream, to open mouth from which no sound came out, and saliva flowing down from the edge of your mouth only to dry on your cheek when you tilted your head back. And as if boiling sperm in you, poured into your insides.
"Greedy mama..." you didn't even come to your senses when you focused your blurred vision on Simon overhanging you, cupping your wet cheek with his large hand. His quiet, purring voice settled in your head like a gooey honey. You could nearly discriminate his words. Not understanding what was happening around, hearing only his voice and feeling only him in you, you were like gutted and thrown into the light while his sweat dripped on you from above, and his heavy breathing only miraculously did not blow you away. "Just like that..." Even his voice cracked, this man couldn't resist the devil, and mumbled inaudibly: "So good for me... So good... Such a good girl..."
Hot seed in you, his weight on you, his warmth all over you, his loud breath and your inner muscles tightening and loosening around him while he, overstimulated, continued moving in you, also overstimulated, and the movements were so...gentle ... So soft... His soft pounds, his smooth swings, almost like trying to rock you, but that orgasm was so blinding, you couldn't breathe, you couldn't concentrate on the outer world, just him and his hands, his hips between your legs, his balls tightly pressed to you, his cock inside you completely... So... Soft... Hot... Your body temperature was almost past its peak... And that gentle touch Simon gave you on your belly, lying his head on your shoulder.
After what he did, you barely remember how carrying he was... This big softie...
"You..." your hoarse voice sounded like you hadn't spoken in at least ten years, there was fuckin' Sahara in your throat, and your eyes couldn't even close from the experienced orgasm, "What you just... What you... Wha-...."
Tied tongue refused to obey.
You literally could not utter a word, only mumbling something incomprehensible.
Boneless.
Dry out.
Dehydrated.
The son of a bitch literally sucked all the juice out of you.
"Si..bl... Bml... Ah......"
And when he, as exhausted as you, pulled away to kiss you on the pink hot cheek, after all, that he had done, you nearly could look at how calm he was.
"You alright, love?"
Blue eyes glanced at you in slight worry, he stroked your wet hair, raised himself with both hands to look at you, but you could not take your eyes off him. You stared at him in disbelief or shock - doesn't matter, you just experienced the nastiest sex in your life, and he was so calm, so confident, like nothing happened, like it was a daily basis for you - being fucked 'til semiconscious state while your husband was 'mama'-calling you and sucking your tits, and, holy shit, did that really-
"Do I..." You swallowed, looking him dead in the eyes, without a single blink. "Do I look like I'm alright?... Do I?... And what happened with 'mama', baby?.. what happened with 'mama'?" suddenly your voice became demanding, insistent, from somewhere you found the strength to weakly hit him in his rock-hard shoulder, and Simon's eyes flashed with shame for a second, then he moved them from you, almost trying to hide, while leaving your core and sitting on the edge of the sofa at your useless boneless legs still shaking from whatever the hell that just was.
He inhaled, "I..."
"Shut up." and he closed his mouth instantly, staring at the floor, even before he heard properly what you said. "You sucked my milk."
"Um..."
"I said shut the fuck up- You just- where are my pills?"
"What?"
The slight surprise in his voice almost pissed you off and it was funny how he almost trembled with fear and tried to shrink under your gaze: he, that behemoth of a man, two meters tall, mountain of muscles, Lieutenant, a brave soldier of the Queen, Chain Dog of Captain Price and Commander Lasswell, trembling under your gaze, your, women half his height, twice as weaker than he ever was, furthermore, unable now to even wake up on her own, move her limbs, he was fuckin' scared-
Indeed.
You did have power over him.
"My pills." You barely raised your voice and he already was on his feet, pulling on his pants and trousers, looking for your plan B.
You watched him, nervously seeking after them, making as much noise in the bathroom as he would never make on a battlefield, and you could almost see his shaking hands turning the whole room upside down.
"We're gonna have a nice long talk about all of it," you heard yourself surprisingly serious, when he came to you with a glass of water and your medicine, helping you, holding your head for you to drink, "we gonna..." you swallowed the pill from his hands, drank all the water from the glass without taking your eyes off him, and exhaled loudly as he kissed your cheek after.
"We're gonna?.." he echoed you and you saw him squatting down next to the couch, against your head, so you could lie down and look him straight in the eyes without getting tired.
"We're gonna clear up your... This. Simon."
"Mhm?"
"Eyes on me."
"They already are, ma'am."
You could've laughed, because he never called you that unless you were extremely serious about small things in your life, no one ever saw him mocking you, or smiling like this, widely and openly, but there were topics you wanted to discuss before admitting that both of you were total perverts, and nothing would even help you clean your conscience from it.
To be fair, you didn't actually want.
You knew he was more playful, more... Different when you were alone, there were demons inside his pretty blonde-haired head, that was true, you knew the man you married, and he never was such a jealous person without any reason, and... You didn't know how, but you were sure this talk about 'sharing with someone else' wasn't just... Dirty talk. There was something else deep inside.
"You're thinking too loud, love," you heard him hawed it out and then felt his strong hands on your aching legs. "Again."
"I'm just... You know what?"
"Mm?"
"We... We should..."
"We should?.."
"We should... Holy hell, Simon... You..."
"I was serious about what I said, love."
Boom.
You tilted your head, met his eyes, moving from your legs to your face.
His deep and at first sight as if almost naive eyes.
"About?..." You whispered, feeling something strange growing inside you with every second he was looking deep into your soul.
Nasty, nasty soul.
"About having a big family." you felt his gentle kiss on your ankle, his head relaxed near your feet, he mumbled, "We already have one pretty girl... I want more. I want... I want to come home... And see a hoard of children running to me... Meeting me... And you... And then I'll sit with them, and you will work, and, imagine... Coming home, where there'll be a bunch of kids, siblings, maybe playing with each other, or arguing, or... Else. Our little world."
"Our little world..."
Unbelievable.
Dreamy, absorbed in his fantasies, soft, affectionate Simon. Telling you about that.
"Even if we could... What if something goes wrong?.." you couldn't resist your fears, not for yourself, but for hypothetical children. "What if... We won't be able to give them what they deserve?.."
And suddenly he smirked:
"I'm not telling you making a second one right now, am I?" your eyes met, your uncertain, and his, surprisingly romantic. "I'm just... Maybe we shouldn't stop at just one. She needs a friend. We were able to do so many things. I will buy a big house somewhere in the middle of nowhere..."
"With a garden and greenhouse?"
"Yep. I will arrange the area. Maybe we can have cows?"
"And chicken."
"And chicken. And..."
And you completed his sentence without looking at him, just knowing what he would say:
"...and have a daydream house with white picket fence and a golden retriever..."
"I prefer Alsatian."
There was something wrong with this man. Who was without a drop of doubt thinking that you two, and now with the third little human, can have that unrealistic happy lovey-dovey life.
Scarred soldiers, hardly married, only a year ago trembling from fear because of the thought that you would have a child in your house, such an irresponsible thing to do- and- and- now-
Now he was saying you can have more, can take responsibility for more people, more little ones- where were the guarantees that he would not die in the field? where were the guarantees that you would not be killed? where there were guarantees that you could become good parents, raise good children, fulfill your duty to them, and remain happy, not break down, challenge life, who stubbornly told you over and over again that you weren't made for this, you simply cannot have this, this isn't for you, and-
There really was something wrong with him.
And maybe, only maybe, there was something wrong with you, too.
Because you believed him.
You believed him with all your being, you trusted him, you knew he would never betray your trust, he would do more than everything to keep his promises, you knew the word "family" wasn't just a sound for him, and you became his family, he did not just wanted kids and that shitty house, fuck it, that wasn't about the house.
All of that was only about you.
Making family with you.
Having kids with you.
Introducing you as his wife, being a father to your kids, calling you the mother of his kids, knew exactly that is your and his blood running in their veins, that's your common children playing in the garden.
And in his face, which for some reason everyone finds impenetrable and dispassionate, you read so much that your heart breaks, your breath hitches, your pulse skips a beat:
Simon Riley doesn't want this house without you. He doesn't want kids without you. He doesn't want any white picket fence, no garden, no greenhouse, nothing without you. It's all is just meaningless for him, if it's without you.
You are that one thing that makes him believe he's unstoppable. You're that one person for whom he wants to try, despite fully understanding how hard, almost impossible it will be. Definitely will.
The man will move mountains just for you.
He would fight Death, and he would kill it just for you.
That's truly crazy.
But once again, if he's crazy, then you are too.
"Okay..." your quiet voice sounded in the silent room, only the cozy melody accompanying your words. "Alsatian it is."
It took a second, stretching for years, for him to slowly, with the grace of a well-fed tamed predator, get up from the floor and lean towards you, giving you the most tender kiss you have ever felt.
Delicate as silk, sweet as chocolate, a touch of love.
All his feelings for you couldn't fit in one kiss. But he needed to try.
And as soon as you relaxed, trusting yourself to his strong, safe arms, loud baby cries came from the baby monitor.
Damn.
Simon pulled away from you with a quiet "Don't move, I'll go get the Princess" and you couldn't help but giggle when you heard him open the door to your bedroom and start talking like an idiot, cuz she just loved when he was goofy around her.
In one second, promises to make you perfect for his fat cock again, and in the second after that, rocks your common child while making hilarious noises to pacify her.
"Simon!" And when he, rocking your tiny Princess, looked out from behind your bedroom door, you said helplessly, unable to remove the silly smile from your face, "I love you, baby."
His gaze softened.
"I love you, too, mama."
Oh, this man...
Oh this man!
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Finally! My DoL PCs and their LIs
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My friends asked me if I wanted to join the School AU with their OCs and I thought for the longest time before bringing Lya to the party. Then I kinda just felt like it and drew the whole gang :D They came out beautifully so more information and separated images undercut!
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The First one is of course Lya the Blossom
Main PC
Harpy transforms, Mate for Life.
Wears all white if she can.
Very light in weight, makes her defiant attempts usually ineffective.
Went through a lot to make things easier for her loved ones.
Skilled in segg but doesn't really enjoy it anymore at this point if it's not with her loved one. What she seeks in segg with her lover is intimacy and the feeling of security.
Secretly a meanie. Gets jealous easily and envious of almost anyone, but doesn't show it or act on it often.
Despises the Temple to her core but believes Jordan is a genuinely good person. Wanted to fuck him just because.
Protective toward her lover and the children at the Orphanage.
Very insecure about her financial state. She tried to make money anytime she could.
CONSENT YOU MOTHERFU-
Can't cook. Literally. Keep her away from the kitchen.
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Male Robin the Lover~ (Sorry I love this title)
The one and only.
Maybe he's trying his best, maybe he's hiding from something so terrible, who knows.
Love the purple color.
Easily scared and would cry out loud if Lya was there to reassure him and demand a lot of hugs, head pats, and kisses afterward.
Clingy as hell, but luckily he's cute just enough to let it pass.
Hell lots of freckles, everywhere all over his body even though he mostly stays at home or in the shades. Sensitive skin then.
Squishy belly.
Occasionally cross-dress when going on a date with Lya but keeps it as a hobby only.
Love to do makeup for Lya and skin care together.
Grow in height a LOT since the game started and wondering why Lya still stays the same, not that he complains about her growth of boobs and ass.
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Lyah the Emancipated
The second PC, made with a lot of feast boots, almost all of the Vrel coins Lya earned.
Wears all black if he can.
Demonic Harpy Chimera Transforms.
Waiting for Robin's preg contents.
2m14. Larger body type, 6/6 physic, S athletic, Vengeful Sadist. Basically all offensive.
Fucking huge manboobs produce fucking lots of milk
Almost always wears a buttplug
The only one taller than him is Jordan.
"Blood moon? Fuck Ivory Wraith I'm out."
Still works at Strip Club, mostly because he loves wearing bunny suits and he wants to look out for Darryl.
Chef. Let him cook.
Housekeeping skill F-. Drops and crashes everything every time trying to clean or deco his room.
Doesn't know how to smile but will unconsciously do so when he's near Robin.
Doesn't understand why he's still sometimes mistaken as female.
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Fem Robin the Lover~
So cute and squishy.
People unconsciously smile when she smiles.
"Too precious must protect."
Her weight is top secret.
Knows it all too well that Lyah intentionally feeds her more sweet treats and creamy drinks every day during every school break but can't resist the temptation of sweets.
Accepts gaining weight during the leisurely times, but has to lose it a bit before school starts again so she can fit into the school's uniforms.
Pretty proud that her lover is a chef at the biggest Cafe in town.
Slightly less freckle than male Robin. Just slightly.
Wardrobe full of checkered pattern clothes.
Of course she can cook well.
Perfect housewife material.
Timid when using strap-on but usually gets absorbed in the moment too much she forgor to pull the buttplug out before diving her strap in.
Lyah is not complaining though so it's all good.
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Last but not least Kariya the Alter Ego!
"Well somebody has to go to prison and asylum and... hmmm"
Devil transforms
Full name Sesshouin Kariya. Kariya means "Midnight' Swallow"
Not a new save file but one of Lya's older saves. Hence the Alter Ego title.
Was born cuz I was bored and wanted to go to places Lya and Lyah can't go because they're worried about their lover being left alone.
They don't set a love interest because of that, so they can't get attached and can freely roam everywhere.
Enjoy segg as it is, purely seeking more pleasure day by day.
Drooling Masochist. Prefer group.
Get bored easily but are also quick to forget, so after a while that very same thing may pique their interest again.
Zones out a lot. Absent-minded. Sometimes clueless to things that are not segg-related.
"Ahhhh Nii-chan, nee-chan, help me it's 23:55 already and I forgor to cum inside somebody today waaaaaaaa-!!"
Intentionally dress more feminine because they love showing off.
The color palette is reversed from Lya's.
" I wonder if it's blood moon soon..."
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radiant-reid · 2 years ago
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The Right Person
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request:
things spencer would say to his ex who’s his ex but not really his ex bc their hearts always belong to the other but is actually his ex bc they called it quits but just bc it’s over doesn’t mean it’s really over cuz he’s just: last slide
Summary: Right person, wrong time... at least until there's a part two
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (angst, sort of)
Content Warning: a tiny spicy moment
Word Count: 3.3k
Masterlist | Navigation
Spencer has always jumped into things too quickly. It's the cocktail of being a romantic, coming from a broken home, failing with most social relationships, and the desperate need for a family.
So when Y/n came along, all smiles and beauty, he moved too fast. Fell is probably a more accurate verb. He fell in love so quickly without any logic that he couldn't help proposing a year in and marrying her six months later.
She offered him support and unconditional love. And for the first time in a tough five years in the FBI, he felt like the world wasn't completely terrible.
The whirlwind relationship would have been much better if taken slowly. It might have even worked out. With their fast pace, neither of them could keep up and after four years, trying to make it work wasn't worth it. The therapy, fights, and long periods without speaking wasted time and drained them both emotionally.
It was like fire. Hot and heavy or warm and comforting, but they were destined for a burn.
Sure, they loved each other more than anything, and they would forever argue that they're soulmates and the timing was at fault.
When Beatrice was nine months old, it was clear things wouldn't, so for her sake, Spencer moved out, the fighting stopped, and they could be friends.
For three months, they've been doing well with their co-parenting routine. Since Spencer had spent so much time away during their marriage, Y/n didn't have to get over the feeling of loss.
Maybe some of that could be accounted for by the fact it still felt like they were dating, the magnetism between them still volatile.
It's Saturday when Y/n's baking in the kitchen. She's yet to enquire about selling it, probably because they're yet to properly get divorced. Somehow, it doesn't feel weird for her to live in their marital home. She ignores how little it feels like they're broken up, especially when she's eagerly anticipating him coming home back from a case. He's not even coming to see her, but she's changed out of her pajamas and put makeup on.
"Guess who?" A voice says while the matching fingers block her vision.
If she didn't know that voice like the back of her hand, she would have freaked out. "You're so close to losing your key, Spencer Walter Reid."
He pulls his hands away, resting his back against the bench with his body facing her. "Boring answer. I would have accepted sexy ex or the smartest man alive." He says, smiling his perfect wide smile.
He looks good, a golden glow still surrounding him, and his shirt fits him tightly around his muscles. She's allowed to say that as his eventual ex-wife, right? It's more of a compliment to herself for attracting attractive, intelligent men. That's how she justifies it anyway.
"Who's been inflating your ego, loser?" She teases.
Repartee of their level is something no one else could ever offer him, and he cringes when other people try. "Jealous?" He asks.
Yes, she is. She'd love to shower him with compliments. Tell him about how nice his hair looks a little bit longer, how he should wear more light blue because it really is his color, how good he smells, and some less innocent things as well. The jealousy boils in her at the thought of someone else doing that. Still, she resists.
"That someone else has to vacate the bathroom for hours each day so you can do your hair? No." She lies. It's a lie on all levels.
Unimportantly, he doesn't spend that long in the bathroom, and he's about the furthest thing from a narcissist there is, but deeply, she would jump at the opportunity to be locked out of the bathroom while he spends far too long in the shower and be greeted with the gorgeous sight of a towel wrapped around his hips and his chest showing.
"Okay." He lets it go, and it annoys her that he won't believe the time. "Can I have some cookie dough?"
"Say please." She directs.
He pouts too much like Beatrice. "Please." He complies before opening her mouth.
She frowns, unsure if he seriously wants her to hand-feed him cookie dough. The answer is yes because he doesn't shut his mouth and tell her it's a joke. She scoops some up, putting her fingers into his mouth. He doesn't let them sneak out without wrapping his lips. It's suggestive, and it doesn't disgust her.
"You'll get salmonella." She tells him when he finally lets her fingers out of his mouth. She tries not to blush like mad while she wipes her fingers on a kitchen towel.
"You'll have to look after me then," Spencer says, justifying it. "As the person who gave it to me."
She shakes her head. "Gross."
"Why are you baking on a Saturday?" He asks, raising an eyebrow at her. He's suspicious whenever things change in her behavior, more so than anyone else's.
"I'm anticipating being busy tomorrow." She answers ambiguously.
It was on purpose, but the goal wasn't to make him curious and ask more questions. She just wasn't jumping at the opportunity to hear his opinion on her love life.
Unfortunately, his curiosity peaked when she started speaking. "Why?" She mumbles out an answer that he doesn't catch. "Come on, don't be shy."
"I'm going on a date." She says finally, avoiding looking at him.
That knocks him off guard, the smile slipping from his face as he steps back. Quickly, he forces himself to say something recoverable to hide the hurt and shock he's feeling at the unexpected news. "Does he know you're married?"
He knows he has no right to be upset about it. Not only are they not exclusive, but they're, in no way, romantically involved. It's why there's no bite in his words, nothing vicious in his tone.
It hits him harder with every passing second. Her statement is something he never expected, and questioning why that is while standing in the middle of their kitchen with her in a beautiful new top, yeah, it's gut-wrenching.
She holds up her bare left hand, shed of a wedding ring. "He doesn't, no."
"What's his name?" Spencer asks next. There are a million questions on his mind, but he keeps the conversation casual.
"Bradley."
She feels guilty for it, unsure if it's cheating guilt or mom guilt, and she's forced to constantly remind herself that it's okay, she's allowed to say yes when she gets asked out and be swept away by someone else.
His next move, to her, seems predictable. Whenever he's looking for more information, he stays quiet, waiting for her to feel awkward enough to elaborate. Even though she used to read him like an open book, she can't see that he's processing, replaying their worst moments-the moments that led them here- in his head.
She keeps talking, annoyed that his old trick is working when really she's just breaking his heart more. "He's a defense attorney, but he accidentally took my coffee the other day."
Spencer resists the urge to scoff because 'accidentally.' He's seen Morgan use the move a hundred times: pretend to mix up the coffees, apologize, and seal the deal by asking if he can make it up to her. "Switching teams, I see." He interrupts, predominantly so that he doesn't have to hear anything else. "And a new top." He mentions. Again, a tactic to get her to stop talking. "What color is it? It would look really nice as a feature wallpaper."
He does that, too, only complimenting things adjacent to her. Talking about fucking interior design instead of just saying she looks nice pushes her buttons, and she knows where his are.
"Yeah, I was wearing a jacket in a similar color, so I'm hoping it's a subliminal message." She admits. "Plus he's tall and very attractive.”
Spencer wants to scream something along the lines of 'I'm 6'1, I have three PhDs, you've told me I'm handsome after you held my hair up while I puked after drinking far too much, and I'm so goddamn in love with you,' but he can barely admit the last fact to himself.
"So he's got brown curly hair and sparkling brown eyes?" Spencer teases her, and she rolls her eyes. That dumb eidetic memory would never let him forget the descriptors she'd given him, and his cocky attitude would never stop mentioning it. "It's not your fault you have a type. Scientifically-"
"Shh." She requests, pressing her finger to his lips.
Without thinking about it, like it was second nature, Spencer purses his lips and kisses her skin. After letting it linger for a moment, she takes it away and turns back to what she's doing.
Again, he draws her attention back to him, cupping the cheek furthest away from him and turning her face to look at him. Once she is, eyes locked on his, he holds her other cheek. He steps forward so that he's so close to her that her breath gets trapped in her throat.
Those fingers on her skin make her feel things she shouldn't be feeling, and her heart starts to thump in her chest when she sneaks a glance at those beautiful veins. Maybe her skin is hot or maybe his fingers are just cold but the contrast sends shivers all over her. It's hard not to think about all the times they've been inside her or how they look wrapped around his cock as he lines himself up with her sex.
"Y/n, if he lays a hand on you, I swear to god." He says threateningly, and it would worry her if she didn't know him so well and if it wasn't so hot.
"You don't believe in god." She calls him out, raising her eyebrows in challenge.
"I can find anyone, anywhere." She can't debate that. "And if he lays a hand on you, I'll kill him or put him in jail for the rest of his life. Your choice."
He's acting like he's doing her a favor, letting her decide how he'll hurt someone who hurts her. It's an odd declaration to be making, contradictory to every bit of his sweet nature, and she doesn't hate it.
"What if I ask- beg for it?" She questions him.
"Oh, I'm not worried about that." He's really not.
He would do immoral things that would make him lose his job and even go to jail if someone hurt her, but the deep feelings he's disgusting as an overprotective bravado against someone assaulting her is really just because he can't stand the thought of someone else being with her.
He's not worried about it sexually. She might be anticipating not being home for the night, but she's not the type to ask a first date to get rough with her. What's got him on edge is her being someone else's emotionally. They might be telling everyone they're not together, but if her heart belongs to someone else, there's no chance of him getting her back, and that's all he wants.
His lips are so close that she could kiss him, but the magnetism makes it challenging to resist. She yearns for the feeling of warm lips against hers, more specifically, the pretty pink ones she's peeking at.
They've had slips before. It's been three weeks since their last one. Every time, she swears she won't do it again, but she's ready to tear his clothes off and fuck him in the kitchen.
She's daring him to make that dangerous leap, and he's about to.
The cries of a woken-up one-year-old through the baby monitor snap them back into a harsh reality before their lips can touch. They both wonder if it's horrid that they forgot why he's there. Spencer lingers for a moment with her face in his hands before he breaks away from her painfully.
"I'll go." He says, leaving her standing there stunned with cheeks hot and a pounding heart.
She has a moment to recover, but it's not enough, and soon Spencer's back in the room with the sweetest baby in his arms. She's giggling, clinging to her dad, who she loves dearly. If Y/n didn't love Beatrice wholeheartedly, she'd be jealous she wasn't enough for Spencer to spend time with. But she can't be. Not when Bea has the greatest dad in the entire world, and she deserves every inch of his love.
"Kiss momma." Spencer directs, holding her up to Y/n's cheek.
She plants a kiss that's mostly saliva on her mom, and despite how messy it is, it makes Y/n grin. "How'd you sleep, baby?" She asks, knowing they'll be no reply. Her vocabulary is limited to three words: mom, dad, and love.
"Not so well last night," Spencer answers like it was intended for him.
He sits on a bar stool at the kitchen island, sitting Bea in his lap. "Spencer," Y/n warns, glaring at him.
"Your mom's mad at me." He stage-whispers to Bea. "I never know why."
"Should we start with lying to a child?" She wonders, but it's playful, not insulting. "Add in some pesky comments."
Spencer pouts, holding Bea up so she can see it and copy her father. "Oh, she loves them." He assures her. "And I love you. So much."
Y/n smiles in adoration. He might be difficult to be in love with, but he's the best dad ever. Spencer catches her staring, it's pretty obvious when the bowl of cookie dough sits abandoned on the counter.
"You look so similar." She says, trying to prevent the awkward since and slightly too romantic looks.
"Need another one to look like you?" He jokes, or maybe it's an offer. She can't really tell.
She scoffs, shaking her head. "I'm alright, thanks."
"But she's so perfect." He coos, her entire hand holding his pinky finger. "How could you not want another one?"
She chuckles at his baby fever. It is practically impossible to not want another child when theirs is so incredible, but they're only masochistic towards each other.
"Don't go getting random girls pregnant, Spencer." She jokingly advises him.
“I’m only ever going to get one girl pregnant.�� He tells her.
He’s messy. In fact, they’re messy together, and he can’t keep his dick in his pants, but it’s not a problem he has with anyone else.
"That's possibly very nice." She says, frowning as she tries to figure him out.
"You're lucky." He rephrases.
She laughs, shaking her head. "You're lucky I don't kick you out now."
"Whoa, I get it." He teases. "It's someone's time to get lucky, hang a sock on the door and all that."
"I highly doubt you got any in college." She reminds him.
"Or now." He adds.
It should be weird. Who casually discusses sex with an ex?
"Yeah, I noticed one of your hands seems stronger than the other." She quips, although there's no discernable difference. They're both equally delicious.
"Mm, reminds me, I need more lotion." He mentions, playing along with the joke. "Vanilla, right?"
She fake-gags. "That's literally disgusting." She chides. "Do not go and get the same lotion I have to jack off."
He shrugs casually. "It's a free country."
"You're disturbing." She reiterates, reminding herself he said it to get her flustered.
"Don't flirt with me like that, or I might start thinking you like me." He warns, fluttering his eyelids at her.
She does feel like she's falling in love all over again with him when it's all flirting and comfortable.
"You'd be begging if I was flirting." She assures him, and it's true. Spencer begs like no one else.
"Alright, I think that's time to go." He decides, clicking his tongue and looking at Bea again. "Your mom's too into me for her own good."
That is hitting the nail on the head. She's into him and she always will be, but it's not wise, and it compromises her self-respect time and time again.
He gets up, bouncing Bea on his hip and walking around the bench. She leans forward to kiss her happy baby before playing with her soft hair. "Just admit you lost, Spencer." She tells him.
A little grin lights up his features as he refuses to comply with her directions. "I never lose." Oh, except for his one true chance at happiness and a family with the most remarkable woman in the world.
"Those beautiful big brains." She coos, moving her hand to his hair to part his curls properly.
"I'm sure yours are equally, if not more, beautiful." He says, once again making her stomach slip with the eye contact. "Smaller of course."
She scoffs out a laugh. "Bye." She says. "Her bag's in the hall."
"When do you want her back?" Spencer asks, holding the baby up so her cheeks can be kissed an obscene amount of time.
Their custody arrangement is nonexistent. With Spencer's hectic schedule and their good relationship, there's never been a need to make it official. Bea's always his priority when he's in the District, and that keeps Y/n happy.
Not fully happy. She'd like to see Bea, and her dad, every day, and she's too far from that with the latter Reid to ever be completely satisfied with her life. Months later, she's still convincing herself she can one day not look at him and wish for something unrealistic.
"Whenever." She says. They start walking towards the front door, slowly, both lingering and dragging it out. "If you need to go, you can bring her back."
"If you're in the middle of a date?" He wonders cheekily, grabbing Bea's bag from the floor.
She glares at him, not finished with her sentence. "Otherwise, I'll text you."
"Call." He insists. "We're not texting people."
"Fine." She agrees, swinging open the door. She takes Bea into her arms, giving her a tight hug. "Love you, sweet baby."
"Mom, love," Bea mumbles back, placing her hands on Y/n's cheeks.
Spencer gets the sinking feeling in his chest that he always gets leaving, but it's worse when he's taking Bea, who's Y/n's entire world. It makes him feel nauseating amounts of guilt. How can he be okay with putting her through the loneliness of a house that big being empty?
He smiles at her as he takes Bea back. "Thank you."
She not sure what for and she doesn't have a chance to ask before he's walking out the door, strapping Bea in her car seat. She waves at her mom, looking as happy as always.
Spencer stops before he gets in his seat. "Y/n?"
"Yeah?" She asks, straightening up her posture.
She's hoping he'll say what she wants to hear, although she doesn't know what that is. A Spencer fact would keep things simple, but saying something about how they can get back on track, that she shouldn't go out tonight, would ruin their carefully stacked house of cards.
"He's a lucky guy." He says, and it kills him to know that it used to be him taking her out, watching her grin from across the table, making her laugh until she's begging him to stop, driving home with his hand on her thigh, watching her take off her makeup and become more beautiful, and ending up cuddling in bed, their baby just a room over.
And he can't ever have that again, not with her, and he can't fathom it with someone else.
Y/n goes back inside once he's driven away, hoping for once, after he leaves, that she can not think about him.
It doesn't work. As always, she's stuck thinking about Spencer.
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tojaesques · 3 years ago
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Ikaris defense squad : an essay
I love Ikaris. He is my favourite marvel character and not only because he is played by Richard Madden. But it saddens me to see sooo many people saying “he is just some white straight murderer” cause well,,,, it’s not just that. So here’s an essay on how Ikaris is actually one of the best written characters.
In the beginning… Ikaris is basically Ajak’s favourite or so we thought. He is a very good fighter and a very good soldier who obeys. He believes in Arishem’s plan, even without knowing him or it. He was told, from the beginning of his existence that he was a warrior who had to fight these malevolent creatures because some super old super huge guy with six eyes said so. The real things begin in Babylone. In the movie, he says that Ajak “told [him] everything right after [they] left Babylone”. But why ? Okay so here’s my theory. Ajak wasn’t that sweet and tender with Ikaris. She encourages him to get close with Sersi but why ? Maybe because she knows they will eventually die and she doesn’t want him to waste his life. But she tells him the truth right after that. I think that Ajak was “jealous” of Ikaris and Sersi getting real close and by telling him they would eventually die and get reborn, to help bring a celestial to the world, she wanted him to always keep his duty in mind and not getting distracted. But he and Sersi stayed together. They even married. I think Ikaris wanted to marry Sersi because he was afraid to lose her too soon and not having a real life with her. He wanted to enjoy the few moments he could have on earth before dying with her.
And here come several things. First, I think that the Eternals missions are some kind of cycle were events are bound to happen all over again. Maybe not them discovering they are advanced old robots but at least creating a family. If Thena and Gilgamesh, Druig and Makkari, Sersi and Ikaris all share relationships, it’s because they will always find each other, even with no memories of their previous life. They are linked together. I don’t believe Arishem when he says the Eternals can’t evolve. On the contrary, it may be a slow evolution but they do change. I envision something like Janet in the Good place. They all evolve a little bit when they die. And if they died many many times well… Earth Eternals are just the final and the best versions of themselves. I mean, they were capable of revolting against the very being that created them.
But back to Ikaris. I understand him. Just imagine you were told from the beginning of your existence you had one purpose and some day, when you are finally happy, out of the blue, your mom leader tells you : you are a space robot who is going to die with the planet you’re on and you won’t really matter cuz there will be other versions of yourself. The guy must have been traumatised to learn that and he must have feared to waste every single moment of his existence. So he hung on what he was told to do. His duty. And for millenias, he had to lie to the people he loved the most. No wonder he couldn’t get attached to the planet. Because he knew what he did was worthless and the people would die some day. But Sersi gave him hope. She gave him a reason to live.
When Ajak told him she wanted to stop the Emergence, it must have felt like another terrible treason. She who had told him everything, well, told him : “yeah man no worries your existence is a lie but you’re gonna make it ! Don’t listen to the six eyed guy !”. Killing her was an act of despair. She never really loved him, she had her own plans. But Ikaris was also blinded by the faith he had to protect himself. And that’s why he isn’t afraid of dying. Because somehow, he knows he will find his family in another time, another world. And with them, the love of his life, Sersi. That’s why I love so much the title “Across the Oceans of Time”. Because it doesn’t only mean the times they lived on earth. But all the lives, all the worlds they saw together. Their memories are contained in that single track / title.
At the end, when Ikaris says “I’m sorry”, I don’t think he says he’s sorry for what he has done, because once again he was following what he had been conditioned to do, but he is sorry for what he is about to do. To kill himself. The pain is so unbearable, to know he failed, he lost what he loved, he was lied to, he was just a toy in the hands of mightier, he needs to make it stop. And Sersi knows it. Because they are connected. But I don’t think Ikaris is *truly* dead. Maybe he will go to the world forge and seek his memories. Maybe he will do a Thor-Infinity-War-Style and crash into a ship.
But please, try to understand the character before saying he is a pile of garbage.
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alby-rei · 4 years ago
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[Arthur Week, Day 3] Midnight Snacks
a/n: in which MC (ft. accomplice Dazai) wants to make the resident flirt, Arthur Conan Doyle, jealous. Why? Who knows! But what I do know is that it ends up working in his favor rather than MC’s... wait, what?
a/n 2: changed the title cuz it was bothering me xD nothing else changed.
My entry for @scummy-writes​‘s Arthur Week! 
Day 3: Coffee and Fudge || Writer’s Block
[Pairing]: Arthur x You/gn!MC, (pre-relationship)
[Characters]: You, Arthur, Dazai, Sebastian
[Word count]: ~2300 words
[Rating]: T
[POV]: 2nd Person 
“...and all of a sudden, I hear Mozart yell ‘stop releasing chickens in my music room!’ but Dazai didn’t even flinch!” You brought a foam-covered hand up to your mouth to cover your laughter.
You and Sebastian were cleaning the dishes together after lunch time. You’ve made it a habit to catch up on your day and share observations with Sebas, as pretty much no one steps into the kitchen around this time.
Well, that is except—
“_____~!”
Except Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, naturally. He must’ve finished his writing session and been wandering around the mansion, as is his trademark since your arrival.
You closed your eyes, hoping the man would walk past the kitchen without checking. You weren’t exactly in the mood for flirty games with the mystery writer, especially not after dealing with a haughty music teacher in Mozart. Sadly, luck was not on your side, today.
“I’ll tell you the rest later,” you wipe your hands with a towel. Picking up the tray of plates and cups to put them in their rightful places, you didn’t pay the writer any mind.
“After this I gotta find Dazai,” you said as you opened a cupboard. Your turned around to find Arthur leaning on the door frame, and your tone shifted dramatically, “Oh! Arthur, funny to see you here.”
Sebastian knew that tone very well. It was your sickeningly sweet voice that you dedicated to either (a) dodging conversation, or (b) planning something against that person.
“I’d say the same to you, ___, but you’re always in the kitchen. I couldn’t help dropping in to check on my favorite bird,” Arthur leaned against the door frame, flashing you a grin and a wink.
“Oh please, don’t talk about birds after what happened this morning,”  You caught sight of your target at the end of the hallway, “aaaand I have to go, see ya!” 
You duck under Arthur’s arm while his guard was down. He twirled around to follow you, but you evaded him, calling out to Dazai. Arthur stood in his tracks, as he watched the japanese author stop for you, and you beamed up at him.
“Dazai-san, I’ve been wanting to ask you for something, if you’re… free,” you noticed mid-sentence that the chicken that was still nestled in his arms.
“Hm?” His piercing yellow eyes brightened, “I’ll always have time for you, Toshiko-san.”
“Bawk!” The chicken… agreed, supposedly.
You laughed sheepishly, “That’s very sweet of you, I was actually interested in learning about your writing style and get some advice. I’ve been going through some terrible writer’s block.”
“I was working on a short story earlier, it’s in my room. Want to come with me?” He began to lead her towards his room.      
“I’m honored! I’d love to, Dazai-san.”
Oh yes, you were definitely planning something, Sebastian noted.
As the two of them walked away, Arthur stood glued watching the scene. Sebastian had been poking his arm the whole time, but he didn’t budge. Even shaking his entire arm didn’t spur any sudden movement from him.
“Sir Arthur. Earth to Sir Arthur,” Sebas continued tapping his shoulder and pinching his arm.
“Huh? Oh…” His gaze held an odd expression, one that Sebastian hadn’t seen from him before—a hint of sadness, maybe even frustration. But it was quickly replaced by his signature grin as he finally took notice of me, “Sorry, Sebas, I must’ve been blocking your path, got to go!”
And just like that, he scurried off.
After a moment’s pause, and after making sure the hallway was clear of esteemed residents, Sebastian did much the same, but in the opposite direction. He has notes to take, pronto. 
~*~
You and Dazai sat in the lounge room, having passed by his room, and Dazai collected his writing material.
“You have really pretty hands, Toshiko-san. I’ve heard you playing in Mo-kun’s piano room, you’re a wonderful pianist,” Dazai held your hand delicately in his, as he ran his thumb over your knuckles.
“Thank you, it’s something I take a lot of pride in,” your heart swelled from the warmth of his compliment, “but I’ve been much more interested with writing as of late. Actually, I’ve always wanted to write a novel.”
“Oh? I admire your ambition. How can I help?”      
“Well well well, what do we have here?” A third voice chimed in.
Right on time, as you expected.
“Have I interrupted your little rendezvous?” Arthur walked slowly and purposefully, as if he had caught them red-handed doing something they shouldn’t.
Internally, he was trying his best not to jump to conclusions. That would be uncharacteristic of him, after all. You weren’t tied to him in anyway, so there was no reason to feel so jealous that you went to Dazai for writing help instead of him. He didn’t even know about it!
So why was his heart pounding so loudly in his head while his eyes were fixated on their linked hands?
Dazai withdrew his hand, occupying it with his writing pen instead. He shot Arthur a smile with closed eyes.
“Of course not, we were just talking, Arty.”
“…Don’t call me that,” Arthur narrowed his eyes, “and second, I’d like to steal ____ now.”
“I’m sorry, Arthur, but I want to talk with Dazai a bit to improve my writing.”
Being shot down so directly caught Arthur off-guard; his insecurities getting a hold of him. For the first time, he found himself at a loss for ways to turn the conversation in his favor. At the moment, if he persisted, and you kept turning him down, he wouldn’t be able to let it down for the rest of the day.
Instead, Arthur straightened himself, fixing his tie, “Well then, I’m heading to the pub soon enough to find me a pretty skirt for the evening. Have fun, you two, I know I will.”
He huffed childishly, going out with a wave. Dazai turned to you with a polite smile.
“Do you think it worked?”
“Oh, he is definitely salty, thanks for agreeing to this, Dazai-san.”
“Any time, Yoshie-san, what are housemates for?” He smiled fondly at you.
“You’re a great actor, didn’t even flinch!”
“Ah, but who said I was acting?”
He got up with his writing tools and stepped out of the lounge before you registered what he said.
“Wait… what?!”
~*~
Later that evening…
…Well, more like around midnight, you just happened to catch the insomnia bug and were heading to the kitchen, as all people naturally do when they’re insomniac. You switched on the lights, thankful for the dimness of the lanterns in the kitchen. Scanning your options, your eyes settled on the coffee pot that sat quietly in the corner. Thoughts of a certain mystery writer gnawed at you, but you darted them away and walked past the coffee pot to get a glass of water instead. You leaned forward, filling her glass with bleary eyes that refused to slumber but also refused to open properly.  
Suddenly, you felt a touch to your backside. Eyes cracking wide open, you spun around and swung your makeshift weapon of glass at your offender. The offending mop of ash blue hair felt the full force of the blow, and the glass shattered across the floor.
Well crap.
“Ow… If I’m not mistaken, I’d say you were trying to kill me there, ____.”
For the love—.
“Arthur what the hell were you trying to pull?! Bloody hell! You made my heart drop.”
In a flash, his body was pressed against yours, caging you between his arms and the kitchen counter. The crunch of the glass under his shoes was the only sound in the room. You saw a small stream of blood start to fall by his ear.
“I was going to prepare myself a midnight snack with my coffee, but it seems I already found one ready for a taste test,” he licked the back of his fangs.
“At this hour??” It was well past midnight by now, and caffeine was the last thing you’d recommend anyone at this time. 
You felt his breath on your ear before he inhaled your scent. It was comforting to him as much as it was intoxicating to his senses.
He sighed, “____… I can’t get you out of my mind, no matter what I do.”
His arms circled around your waist, pulling you away from the countertop and flush against him, instead. All sorts of alarms were going off in your mind despite the drowsiness, with your instincts telling you to push him off.
“But then, you started avoiding me. And then… Sebastian and Mozart and even Dazai took you away from me,” he sniffled.
You pushed him off gently but still within his arms, as you stared at his face. There was a pink dust across his cheeks and a redness in the corners of his eyes.
“Arthur, are you… drunk?”
His frown flipped into a grin as he nuzzled his nose into your disheveled hair.
“Oh, don’t be silly, dear. I may have been out drinking, but I can bloody well hold my liquor. Theo can vouch for me on that.”
(a/n: no, he can’t lmao)
The sight of him in a somewhat vulnerable state, as well as the smell of his cologne, made it hard for you to properly fight him. Plus, you felt bad for crushing a glass cup on his head. Speaking of which…
“Is your head okay?”
“Hm…” He brought a gloved hand to his forehead, feeling a dull pounding in its wake, “I must say, you got me good, even the most daring fools never landed a hit on me yet.”
Just how thick is his skull to endure that?! You were both dazzled and frightened by their realization. 
With one of his arms off of you, you took this chance to escape, but you slid on a shard of glass and would have fallen face first onto the floor had Arthur not pulled you against him and taken the impact of the floor to his own shoulder. He laid on his back, clutching you protectively against his chest. He groaned with pain, but he pushed it aside to check on you first.
“Clumsy tonight, are we, or are you seriously trying to kill me?” He chuckled wryly.
Before you could even blink, you felt your vision do a 180-flip, and you were suddenly beneath him, away from the glass shards that littered the floor. The scent of his cologne flooded your senses again, as he smirked down on you with a drunken lopsided grin.
“I was absolutely livid when I saw Dazai hold your hand. Was that part of your plan, darling? Well, I’ve taken the bait.”
You flinched, your body wide awake to every touch and caress of this man. You bit your lip to avoid playing into his hands. You were still in control of the situation, you thought. His lips descended to your jaw, barely brushing your skin, like he’s testing your limits. Instinctively, you sighed, unaware of the breath you’d been holding.
Ok, maybe you weren’t entirely in control, either.
“Arthur…” You commanded, trying to regain some semblance of control back.
This was not part of your plan, however, and you were quickly losing grip of all reason and logic. You needed to get him off and away from you before you acquiesced to his ministrations.
“But don’t worry, ____. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to.”
He drew back from you, staring down at you with an uncharacteristic tender look. He continued.
“The effect you have on me is not one I’ve felt with any woman I’ve ever encountered before. It’s confusing—maddening, even— and I can’t escape it… because I don’t want to,” he sighed in surrender, “I want you, ___.” 
It was a look of pure love and affection that shone in his eyes. His half-opened shirt invited your gaze to roam his body, and his thick-rimmed glasses framed his features in such an alluring glow that outshone the dimness of the kitchen. His hair looked softer than usual, too. Your hand twitched at the thought of running your fingers through those ash blue locks. Your mind was thrown into a whirlwind with the influx of new information, one that dented your rationality. Your desire to get closer to him wrestled against your impartial stoicism, threatening to crack the armor around the stone gates to your heart.
“Hey Arthur,” you started, twirling a lock of his hair with your hand. It was ever-so-slightly damp; he must’ve bathed in le thermae earlier.
“Yes, ____?”
Damn that seductive voice of his, you shooed away that thought as soon as it entered. You chose to focus on something much more pressing at the moment. 
“We need to get you bandaged up. You’re bleeding terribly from your head.”
~*~
It took a lot of convincing, but Arthur finally acquiesced to your persistent request.
“There, all done,” you stepped back from Arthur, who was sitting hunched over on his bed.
You were both settled in his room with his medical bag open on the desk and his equipment strewn all around. You didn’t exactly know what to do to treat Arthur’s wound, but you insisted on doing it for him… with copious amounts of instructions from him.
“I brought you some fresh coffee and fudge, as an apology.”
“At this hour?” He mimicked your tone from earlier. You rolled your eyes at his childishness.
“And here I am trying to make it up to you, and this is how you show gratitude?”
You huffed indignantly, ready to head out and leave the unappreciative writer to his own devices.
“Hold on, now,” he gripped your wrist before you could fully turn away, “you’re the one who smashed glass on my head, so you owe me a favor.”
“…a favor on top of tending to your wounds and bringing you coffee?”
“Oh, indulge me, won’t you? You did those of your own volition.”
You sigh, “Depends on the request, then.”
“Feed me,” he perked up with no hesitation or embarrassment in his tone.
You wanted to turn him down, to tease him about his child-like excitement, but you couldn’t resist his puppy dog eyes. Those eyes held a very powerful hold over you though you blame it on your own tiredness outweighing your better judgment.
“Alright…” You moved aside his things to sit next to him, leaning towards the table to drag the tray closer to yourself.
“Open wide, you incorrigible baby.”
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mrsalwayswrite · 4 years ago
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Filthy Tease (Eugene Roe x f!reader)
I meant for this to be a spicy Roe piece but it kinda of took a different route than anticipated... oops? Anyway, i wanna dedicate this to @saritanotserena for giving me the idea but also cuz she is amazing! (sorry if this is awful, i still think i’m terrible at smut) also, not super edited cuz we die like men, alright?
Warning: sexual content- teasing & fingering & my poor attempts at dirty talk
Words:3700
Tag list: @happyveday @saritanotserena @sydney-m @evelynshelby
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 There were many things most people were not aware of in regards to Easy Company's Eugene Roe. For example, he was terrified of bees. But instead of running away screaming, he would freeze and not move, barely breathing until he felt safe enough to move. Also, the man was obsessed with strawberries. He would pick them any day over chocolate or any other kind of dessert. When alone, he enjoyed quietly quoting poetry. He never did it in front of the men, for fear they would mock him. The biggest secret that would surprise people though?
 Eugene Roe was a filthy tease whose lips dripped sin and hands brought you to heaven with their touch. 
 And you were well acquainted with this side of him. 
 In Albourne, the replacements had begun calling you 'mama bear' shortly after you punched a Sergeant from a different company, who was picking on one of Easy's replacements. You also had the habit of checking up on them and trying to teach them extra things that training left out. You did not mind the nickname. Honestly, you thought it was sweet how all the boys took to you so. Since most of the Toccoa guys did not want anything to do with the replacements, you stepped up. 
 Unfortunately, all this extra attention from the replacements seemed to spark unnecessary jealousy from Roe. In the quiet moments you two managed to sneak away, you always tried to remind and show him how he was the only man who caught your eye. You would shower him with words of affection, hold him close and kiss him until he forgot his worries. You both hated that you had to keep your relationship a secret. You tried to remind him that this was only temporary. One day you could kiss and hold hands in public. One day you could stand before him in a white dress. One day you would make others jealous with the overwhelming love you had for each other. 
 But that was not today. Or in any sense of the foreseeable future. So you kept your relationship secret and tried to keep your affections on a slow simmer as to not alert the rest of the company. 
 After you started gaining more attention from the replacements, after you started spending more time with them…. Roe changed his tactics in reminding you of who always stole your breath and made you feel like a goddess on earth. 
 And that was how you learned he was a filthy tease. 
 It started off with simple things. He would walk past you and let his hand caress your ass for a fleeting moment before moving on to avoid drawing notice to the pair of you. Or if you sat next to one another to eat, he would place his hand on your knee or thigh underneath the table, giving you an occasional squeeze. If your hair got in your face, he would tenderly tuck it behind your ear or adjust your cap if your hands were full. It was sweet how tactical he was. Always seeking for a way to subtly touch you. 
 Then one day, you were walking with a couple of replacements back from the firing range, having been helping them with their accuracy. You saw Roe approaching, hands in his pockets, his eyes focused on you. He commented how he needed your advice for something and so you innocently followed him towards the small aid station set up in Albourne, having waved goodbye to the replacements. 
 As you passed a huge stack of empty boxes next to a brick building, he pushed you off the road and behind the boxes. You slammed against the brick wall, shock making you unable to cry out or demand about his actions. He had never been rough with you before. Concern and anger warned in you, unsure if something was wrong with him or he was being an asshole. When you leaned back, ready to demand what was going on, your words were cut off by his mouth covering yours and his tongue slipping between your lips. His body pressed against you, pinning you between him and the brick wall behind you. His mouth and touch dominated you, bringing you to the brink and turning you into a puddle of desire. Just as a whine left your throat, desperate for him to touch you where you needed him most, he pulled back. Through the haze of lust, you could see his lips swollen, eyes dilated, and chest rising and falling rapidly, matching your own. 
 "What…?" You stumbled out, your mind and body quaking with need. 
 "That's so ya don't forget." Even his voice was affected, more husky than normal. God, it sounded delicious and you wanted to taste it from the source again. 
 "Forget… forget what?"
 "Who makes ya feel good. Who can please ya… and who always wants ya." He stepped back, a smug smirk tugging on his lips. "See ya later, chéri." Then he walked away, back onto the road, hands in his pockets as if nothing had happened. As if he had not left you aching in need and obscenely wet. 
 You stayed there against the brick wall for longer than you would ever care to admit. Your heart hammered in your chest, the ache in your belly at an almost painful level, your breathing heavy in anticipation for what you thought was to come. But now you stood there… alone… and horny. 
 You thought maybe this was just a one-time thing. He had never done anything like this before. 
 Oh, how wrong you were. 
 A couple days later you sat in the back of a lecture room, Nixon at the front talking about something very important. But you could not hear a word he was saying. Oh no, because Eugene Roe was sitting next to you, whispering in your ear about all the dirty things he wanted to do to you in quite explicit terms. Half the stuff he whispered, you wondered where he even got the ideas. Soon enough, his words seeped into your mind as he painted such lewd images of the two of you. You had to press your thighs tightly together to deal with the growing ache. Something you were positive he noticed and delighted in. At one point, he even drew his finger slowly up from your knee to your hip as he whispered about sneaking into Sink's office and letting him fuck you over the man's desk. Once the lecture was over, Roe just gave you a wink and easily got up to walk away with the others heading out. You had to sit there for several minutes, taking long, deep breaths to try and will away the flush over your skin and suppress the pooling desire in your belly. 
 You could not decide if you loved or hated this new side of Roe. 
 Another time he asked for your help, that he might practice a new technique he read about in one of his medical books. You laid down on one of the beds in the aid station. The quiet chatting of a couple of the other medics behind the half-wall curtain filled the otherwise silent air from the other side of the station. Roe snuck a quick kiss to your lips making you giggle quietly and the two of you easily fell into a light-hearted conversation about a party being set up for the enlisted. Though as you two kept talking and he practiced wrapping and unwrapping various parts of your body, his hands began to…. wander. His fingers skimmed up your thighs, moving teasingly close to your groin then darting away. 
 At first you thought it was an accident and paid no mind, but after a couple times, you realized he was doing it on purpose. When you called him out on it, he pretended to have no idea what you were talking about. Then he told you he needed to practice working on a chest wound. Next thing you knew, he had the top several buttons of your army-issued jacket open, and he was laying a bandage on your exposed skin. His hands roamed across your chest, brushing your breasts with firm strokes. At one point he murmured something about giving you morphine and pretended to jab a syringe into your thigh; but as his hand moved back up, it grazed over your sex, leaving a fiery trail up your torso and back to your chest in its wake.  
 "Gene…" you moaned, unable to take it anymore, wriggling underneath his touch seeking friction. 
 He hushed you, wicked eyes glancing towards where the others were in the aid station. "Ya gotta keep quiet, pretty lady. Can ya do that for me?"
 You nodded but it was only half-hearted, your mind already drawing in the euphoric hunger he induced in you. His hands worked you- skimming, fondling, cupping and teasing- in all the ways that soon left you a quivering mess, biting down on your hand to keep the lascivious moans at bay. 
 The whole time he complimented and whispered to you, saying things that only seemed to heighten the experience. "Doin' so good, mon chéri, look at ya. Beautiful." Or "gotta keep quiet, pretty lady." Or "just imagine when I do this to ya, but with my tongue… I know ya taste so damn good. How's that feel, darlin'?"
 Finally, you were toeing the edge, body desperate to fall off that cliff. Your body vibrated with maddening want. "Gene, please…." You begged without shame; the desire, the need too great for you to care. 
 "Shhh...can't let 'em see ya like this." He cooed, one hand cupping your cheek while the other fondled your breast. "This is for me only, yeah? Say it, chéri."
 "Just you… just you, Gene."
 "Mmm… good girl." Then he finally slipped his skilled hand into your pants and pushed you off the edge. Your body drowned in bliss, mind hazy with pleasure. 
 This went on for weeks. Any opportunity he could pull you into a dark corner, push you against a wall, touch you, or drive you wild… he took full advantage of. 
 To everyone else, he still remained the quiet, slightly reclusive medic with a heart of gold and healing hands. 
 But to you… he was a fallen angel with the sole purpose to tempt you with that delightful Cajun accent and take control of you with those sinful lips and magical hands. 
 ***
 The atmosphere in the pub was jovial. Glenn Miller played in the background from the radio. The many voices of the paratroopers filled the pub, overshadowing the famous artist. The place reeked of beer, cigarette smoke and testosterone.  
 Buck, Luz, Toye and Heffron played darts in the corner. A few of the other Toccoa men heckled them and laughed at their own jokes, ignoring the replacements scattered about. The divide between Toccoa men and replacements felt like a terrible chasm. You tried to bridge it though. Floating between both parties, you laughed and cracked jokes with everyone while sipping on your beer. 
 This was the first time you had worn your WAAC uniform in months, reviving fond memories at its feel and look. You had started in the WAAC but then threw a series of unexpected encounters and circumstances, you eventually found yourself at Camp Toccoa training to be a paratrooper. Now, it felt odd to be wearing a skirt, stockings and kitten heels. You had become so used to your dirty ODs. Tonight though, you donned your skirt and heels, even going so far to put on some red lipstick. Who knew when the next chance you would have to dress up would be?
 "Come on, just one dance." Simmons was begging from the seat beside you, his boyish charm on full display, enhanced by the dimples in his cheeks. 
 You laughed, more amused than annoyed by his persistence. "No, if I dance with you then everyone else will expect a dance too."
 "Give it up, Peter." Burkle chuckled. "Mama bear ain't going out there."
 You pointed a finger at the dark-haired replacement across the table. "I knew there was a reason I liked you, Frank."
 "Ya hear 'bout the man who got caught joy-ridin' the other day?" Ralph Nestor changed the topic thankfully, leaning forward against the table, ready to spread the latest gossip. 
 Taking another sip of your beer, you listened but scanned the crowd around you. It was about time for you to move on to the next group. 
 As if sensing a pair of eyes burning into you, you swiveled your head trying to locate the gaze. It did not take long for you to meet the eyes of Eugene Roe. He sat with Spina and a few others at a table on the other side of the bar. He subtly tapped the empty spot next to him after he caught your eye. A warmth filled you. It was stupid since you knew he loved you but even here amongst a crowd, he wanted you by his side. 
 "Well, I'm off, fellas. Don't get too drunk tonight please… and if you do, make sure to keep all your clothes on. I'm looking at you, Private Burkle." You teased, watching the young man's face redden at the reminder, while the others laughed. Standing up, you brushed your skirt down, still unused to the feeling after so long. 
 "Yes, mama bear." A couple of them chorused. 
 You smiled. As you reached forward to grab your half-full beer glass, a hand slipped into yours and spun you around into a solid chest. "What?"
 Simmons held your hand as he placed his other on your waist. "Come on, one dance. I'll even keep my hands to myself."
 "Your hands wander at all, there's at least thirty men here who will rip your hands off for me if I ask."
 "Oh believe me, I know." He squeezed your hand, a cheeky smile on his face. "Please?"
 "Simmons, give it up!" Nestor said. "I see your platoon Sergeant looking over here."
 That got Simmons to freeze, glancing over his shoulder to see Guarnere with eyes narrowed at the two of you. 
 You laughed, pushing away from the replacement. "Better not piss your platoon Sergeant off. I'll be back for my glass." Swiftly, you moved in the direction of the bathroom, sending a wink Guarnere's way and receiving one in return. 
 The women's bathroom was small and cramped with two stalls, barely room to move, and a small counter with a sink. Either women did not frequent this pub much or this was awkwardly small to discourage women from lounging and socializing in here away from men. In your mind, it could go either way honestly. 
 After you finished your business, you stood at the sink washing your hands. The cool water soothed your skin after the heat in the pub. Looking up in the mirror, you saw your lipstick had faded and was slightly smudged. Most likely from the beer glass. Carefully, you tried to fix it using the tip of your finger. It seemed absurd, with everything you had been through- the training and combat you had seen- for you to be standing here worried about your smudged lipstick. Perhaps it would not have felt so odd if you stayed in the WAAC instead of joining the paratroopers. 
 Behind you, the bathroom door opened which surprised you. You thought you had been the only woman at the pub tonight. Maybe a few local women showed up? You looked up into the mirror, prepared to greet the woman. After the person stepped through, your jaw dropped and eyes widened. For it was not a local woman in a pretty dress that stepped in.  
 It was Eugene Roe. 
 "What are you doing in here, Gene?" You looked at him through the mirror. "Is the men's bathroom full?"
 Instead of verbally responding, you watched him latch the simple lock over the door. Your movements stilled as you realized what he just did. 
 "Gene?"
 In a single stride, he came up behind you, putting his arms out on either side of you, caging you between the sink and his body. 
 "Darlin'," he crooned in your ear as his lips left a trail of sweet heat along your neck. "Ya look too damn sexy out there. I see ya legs in those heels and skirt and all I can think about is how good they feel wrapped around me as I pound into ya."
 Your skin felt feverish as the heat radiated off his body. Even through all the layers between you two, your body soaked it in like the parched ground after a thunderstorm. With the warmth of his breath ghosting over your skin and his filthy words, your womb clenched from that alone. 
 "Then I see that boy with his hands on ya… shit, it took everythin' for me to not rip him off ya."
 "He didn't mean anything, Gene. I promise."
 "Don't matter. I hate it." His hands gripped the hem of your skirt, slowly pulling it up and bunching it around your hips. He began laying open-mouth kisses along your neck, the whole time his eyes holding yours, as you watched him in the mirror. "I need to 'ear ya sing, pretty lady, I need to 'ear ya gorgeous sounds."
 "Gene…" you moaned out, your eyelids fluttering. That delicious warmth, that only he could fuel, began growing in your belly. "We can't right here." 
 "Shall we find out?"
 Without preamble, one of his hands slipped under your skirt, the other still bunching the fabric up around you and out of the way. You hissed slightly as he touched your bare core, unable to completely hide the smirk on your face as he gave a slight groan. 
 "Mon chéri, where ya skivvies at? Ya been out there this whole time with no underwear on?" 
 "I wanted to surprise you… I thought you might try something."
 "Fuck!" He bit your earlobe and ground his hardening cock against your ass. "Ya tryin' to tease me? Mmm?"
 Before you could retort something smart back at him, you gasped as he slipped a finger into you, finding you already wet for him. 
 "Look at ya, sweetheart, so fuckin' beautiful right now." He murmured, eyes not having left yours in the mirror this whole time, pining you even more so than his body still caging you. 
 With one hand, you grabbed the sink to anchor yourself, your legs turning into jelly beneath you from the onslaught of pleasure coursing through your veins. "Gene, please." You begged. 
 Eyes boring into yours, he pulled his finger out of you, drawing a whiny whimper from your lips. With a salacious smirk, he opened his mouth and placed his pointer and middle fingers in his mouth, making sure to swirl his tongue around them then pulled them slowly out. 
 "Holy fuck…"
 Still smirking, he reached down and slipped both fingers into you. They plunged in and out of you, the wet sounds lewdly echoed in the small bathroom. Roe continued to grind against you from behind, timing it to match with the thrusts of his fingers. You wanted to close your eyes, to sink into the heat bubbling in you. But you were unable to for Roe watched you with a heated, heavy gaze in the mirror. Your gazes locked as he brought you closer and closer to your climax, moans and sighs slipping from your lips. 
 "Good girl, mon chérie, so beautiful. Look at ya."
 He continued to whisper in your ear in between leaving open-mouth kisses and bites on your neck and jaw. 
 "Ya close, sweetheart? I can feel it, so close."
 "Oh God, please, Gene…. Don't stop. Please."
 With a dark chuckle, he gave one last flick to your clit and pushed you over the edge. As you opened your mouth, he slammed his mouth over yours, greedily swallowing your cry of bliss. You floated on waves of ecstasy; your eyes closed to soak in the sensations. Eventually you opened your eyes, even if the movement felt sluggish and your body limp. 
 "There's those gorgeous eyes." Roe nuzzle your temple. "Ya back with me?"
 "Mmm… I think so."
 He chuckled. "Think ya can stand?"
 That was when you noticed he was practically holding you up between an arm now wrapped around your waist and you still pinned between him and the sink. 
 "Sorry." You mumbled, standing up on shaky legs. When you noticed his cocky smirk, you languidly swatted at him. "Shut up." Slowly you turned around to look at him. It did not escape your notice his… um… large problem he was sporting in his trousers. 
 "You know… the couple I am billeted with, they left this afternoon for a weekend in London visiting family."
 "Oh? Well, that is interestin' news."
 "Uh huh. What's the likelihood we can sneak out of here unnoticed?"
 He leaned down to press his lips against yours, drawing a soft sigh from you at the sweetness in the kiss. "Very likely… Guess we'll find out though."
 "And what's the likelihood we'll actually make it to the house before you try to get under my skirt again?"
 "Less likely."
 You laughed, pressing a hand to his chest to push him back. Running a hand over your skirt, you tried to smooth it out as much as possible and hide any evidence of your tryst. 
 "Ready?"
 "Always."
 The two of you somehow managed to sneak out of the bathroom and out of the pub without drawing notice to yourselves. As you stepped out into the night, walking quickly down the street, you both were giggling like teenagers having snuck out of your parents' homes. He snagged your hand and pulled you along, almost jogging down the silent road in Albourne. 
 Before you even made it halfway to your billeted house, Roe pulled you into a dark corner, just off the road. You laughed before his mouth covered yours, silencing you and turning your laughter into moans. 
 You did not mind too much. 
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v-world · 3 years ago
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RATING THE MAIN CHARACTERS of the “Brothers” (2009) movie
 WARNING: !!POTENTIAL SPOILERS!!
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1) Hank: 5/10
The entire movie, all I could think was STFU PLEASE. One moment you’re a hothead and a dick. The next you’re a hot-head and a dick because you’re dealing with grief and loss in that way, so you pick fights with your only other son(at the time) who you just can’t stand because he is such a fvck up. You’re a terrible father. All these excuses, but not a single one could actually cover your a*s.
2) Elsie: 10/10
Sis was holding the house down. Grieving, normal, everyday fights, she was there, providing her love and comfort. She deserves the world.
3) Older kid( whatever tf her name is) : 0/10
girl, i would’ve given you a negative, if my reasons weren’t just you being a kid. I am not a parent. I don’t have the patience for children like her mom did. All I could think was she was being an absolute brat who needs an ass-whooping. But that just shows I’m unfit to be a parent rn.
4) Grace: -10/10
You find out your husband is dead, and after grieving for a few weeks or months(not really sure of the timeline),you kiss his brother?! Then when he comes back you tell him and you try to dilute the news with “I missed you.” It’s giving ‘you know I love you and i would never intentionally hurt you. It’s kinda on you because I thought you were dead and you didn’t come back sooner...”  I WAS NOT FEELING IT. 
Then, when the fam is having dinner and that fuck-up of a brother brings his ‘friend’ over, you’ve got the nerve, the AUDACITY to look uncomfortable and jealous?! Fvck you !
AND THEN, when he was still trying to get himself right at the mental hospital (or something), you came to visit him, just to demand and threaten him to tell you what happened while he was in Afghanistan, when (as I observed) he wasn’t ready, or he’d never see you again. I get it sort of. But man is going through trauma, you certainly didn’t help by cheating on him and you certainly aren’t a psychologist. It gave “if you really love me, you would tell me” BYE.
I mean, would it have killed you to, I don’t know, not cheat on him. Especially with his brother. Maybe have a little... consideration? Infact, has she ever once said, “ I’m sorry I cheated on you (with your brother)”? I think the fvck not.
The only reason i didn’t give her -1000 is because she actually stayed with her husband and attempted to work things out and actually be concerned about him.
5)  Dick (Tommy): -1000/10
Bro. That is your brother’s wife. Your brother’s wife. Have a little respect for the dead bro. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you take accountability and say you’re sorry for kissing his wife. All I heard you do was play the brother card whenever he was going nuts to get him to listen to you and calm him down because you know he lowkey hated you. F you.
6) Sam: 8/10
I’m so sorry. There’s no way it could’ve been easy. Finding out your wife cheated after basically killing a man to get to her and the kids. You were losing it. Slowly, but surely. You didn’t want to acknowledge that. You wanted to numb it and push it to the back of your head, by going back out into the field. You felt you didn’t have anyone to talk to, that nobody would understand. It took a toll on you. And that affected the way you spoke and acted around the kids and your brother and your wife. You made your kids hate you unintentionally. Maybe even traumatised them. 
You recognised though, in those few seconds you were about to take your life in, that you needed to get help and that the people around you were gonna help you get it and help you through it. That I respect you majorly for. Cuz these sh1theads around you could never. I also respect you because you killed a man to see your family. I’ve never had a husband and kids.
 That’s why I’m saying this now, in my own shoes, as an inexperienced person who isn’t in your shoes, that I couldn’t imagine killing someone to get to them. Especially someone I knew, loved as a brother and friend, someone whose wife and kid I know I’ll have to face. Respect to you man. All of it.
All in all, this movie is beautiful. The plot, the acting, the emotion, I loved it all.
~Thank you for reading~
If you enjoyed please leave a like<3
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catnippackets · 5 years ago
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have you seen/would u recommend pacific rim 2? ive heard some things about newt and idk lol
I feel like Im in the minority that actually did think pru was fun but that being said it ended SO abruptly and with like three separate plotlines completely abandoned that I was really frustrated for days after watching it until I had processed everything and had time to think deeply about it lol it just seemed rly unfinished?? it feels like it was deliberately made as 1/2 of two sequels and there needs to be one more to tie everything up. actually I’m gonna ramble abt this bc I have a lot of thoughts (obvs spoilers under the cut)
the thing about the second one was that I genuinely was enjoying it right up until it ended because I swear to god the moment the end screen went up I yelled "what the fuck, that's it?" out loud into my bedroom bc I was so SHOCKED that THAT'S how it all ended, because it just seemed so incomplete?? Like it seemed like one half of a story, that will only be made whole if there's a third one to tie up all the plotlines that they didn't go through with in the second and if that's the case then I will be completely fine with it but if it doesn't or if they dont have a third one at all I will stay so frustrated lol. one silver lining to this is that the vibe of this movie was so different from the first that it almost feels easy to separate it and just imagine it as an AU if you prefer which is sort of nice; usually if a piece of media I like does something bad I feel all gutted and anxious and terrible that this is the canon I have to accept, but something abt this movie just made it feel like it was sort of a totally separate deal. maybe cuz only 3 of the original characters were in it idk
to start off: I felt like there were a couple of plotlines in it that were just sort of introduced and then never seen through which was very ????? Amara & Vik's weird hate-rivalry thing was one of them; Vik instantly has it out for Amara bc she’s jealous, which is a very interesting concept, and then this prompts Amara to become hostile right back at her, which is also a very interesting concept, and then it never got resolved at all? like they couldve done something really cool with those two but it just never went anywhere. and then there was sort of a weird love triangle thing happening between Jake and Nate and Jules that felt so weird bc it had no significance to the plot at all and it felt like it was only thrown in there for the sake of having ~romantic drama~ idk maybe I wasnt paying too much attention and there was more to it than that but it really just seemed like they wanted to put romance in there and didnt want to bother to put any work into it
BUT the thing about romantic sub plots is that THERE ALREADY WAAAAS OOOOOOOOONE which brings me to the biggest frustration I have w this movie because--and DISCLAIMER, this was also my favourite plot point of the movie bc it was by far the most interesting, the biggest reason for me enjoying the movie at all, and the bit I feel like should have had WAY more attention--Newt and Hermann were like legitimately in love in this movie I swear to god I was watching it and thinking “this is GENUINELY the most blatantly gay thing I’ve ever seen in a feature film and I know that straight ppl are very talented at writing gay romances completely by accident so it’s possible that they just accidentally did it this way but also it is REALLY goddamn obvious oh my gooood?” (and then I did a lot of frantic googling and found out that I was right and Charlie Day & Burn Gorman knew what the fuck they were doing and I felt so validated lol), and yet despite this, the movie had them speak for the last time almost at the halfway point of the film and then spend the entire second half apart and not talking at all and even at the post-credits scene where Jake and Newt talked for a bit Hermann wasn't there?? not even behind Jake to give Newt any searching glances?? Nothing??
dude...Newt being possessed by the precursors is a HUGELY interesting concept that actually makes sense and I wish it had had more attention. I’ve seen a lot of ppl say that pru butchered Newt’s character and I don’t 100% agree bc like...being possessed will change you lmao so while yes I’m obviously sad that he wasn’t himself, I feel like it made sense that he had a slight personality change, because it...wasn’t him anymore. we don’t really see the Newt we all fell in love with in the first movie. we THINK we’re seeing him, but halfway through we find out we’re wrong.
my critiques with that plotline are basically that I wish the reveal had happened a little bit later on, and I wish that it had been a little more obvious I guess?? like, we definitely get hints of it (when Hermann excitedly asks Newt to help him with a dangerous unorthodox project and Newt says “dude why are you doing something so risky when we’ve already got a good plan in motion? just wait for that to be done, it’s fine” and Hermann IS us, he IS the audience when he reacts, because this is a completely insane thing for Newt to say. Newt, who, in the first movie, was so obsessed with finding knowledge that he went behind the marshall’s back to literally risk his life doing something incredibly dangerous just to see what would happen? being given the opportunity to do the same kind of dangerous frivolous act and refusing? this is blatantly out of character, and Hermann is all of us when he’s shocked, “what, you mean you...won’t help me??” which means it wasn’t bad writing on their part, it was purposefully supposed to stand out as something that was wrong and something that we needed to pay attention to. that was a really good scene to hint that something was Not Right with Newt), and I wish there had been a bunch more like it. I think the reveal should have been saved for the end of the second act; I think that should have been the moment that act 2 of a story usually has, that dreadful event that happens that leaves the main characters feeling completely hopeless and unsure what to do.
I also wish that he had managed to break through more than That One Scene, I think it would’ve been more dramatic if he’d had a few moments where he managed to take control for a second to remind us that he’s still in there and still fighting, and I’m sad they didn’t do that. I saw a fan comic that touched on this idea and I think it’s brilliant, even the idea of him suddenly getting a nosebleed and acting distracted to show that that’s the Real Him trying to fight through would have been sooooooooo good.
I also feel like it didn’t make any sense for Nate to be the one to subdue him in the end, I dont even think those two interact at all so like, why was it him?? it would have been so much more dramatic and heartbreaking if Hermann had been the one to confront him so they could’ve had a little conversation on the roof where Newt could once again break through for a second before getting taken over and then Hermann could like idk have a taser hidden behind him that he uses to subdue him and THAT wouldve been a way sadder and more interesting way to do it. I also think Hermann shouldve been the one to speak to him in the post credits scene, or to have him in the background behind Jake just watching him sadly so we can get a couple shots of intense eye contact like UGH I just wish there had been more interaction between the two of them after the reveal happened!! When the movie was over and I realized they never spoke again I felt so upset!!! they're soulmates!! they're literally in love!! this has been CONFIRMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and segueing in from the soulmate thing, another thing that made me sad was that nobody came in pairs anymore :( aside from Newt and Hermann, they were the only ones gjdfk but in the first one every character had another character that they were paired up with, both for drifting reasons and just for plot reasons (except Chau and Tendo but I’m pretty sure there's actually significance to that too), and in the second one it just sort of felt like everyone was drifting with each other with no strong connection needed and that made it feel way less special. granted, the movie takes place ten years after the first one so in that time maybe technology advanced to the point where you didn't need a strong neural connection to drift anymore, but for the sake of the story it would have been way better if they'd kept the whole soulmates concept from the first one, it made it way stronger and more special
so yeah in conclusion I did think pru was enjoyable and I probably would watch it again some time but also it definitely pales in comparison to the first one and I’m desperately hoping we get one more so they can tie everything together and FIX THINGS KFGH it’s not too late!!!!! I wish I could write Pacific Rim 3 I genuinely think I would do a good job I love storytelling and I’m very passionate about these characters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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archived-gtronpa-account · 4 years ago
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Maybe a continuation of the big saihara and ouma ! ( I thought that would be a cool continuation-)
Hhh for a sec I panicked cuz I forgot which one had big sai but then I remembered and yea, more big shushi? Your wish is my command!
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Word count: 1500
Summary: Shuichi hasn't seen the little leader long enough for questions to spark in his mind. When he meets him again under terrible conditions, it only raises more questions and too few answers.
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Shuichi should have been more relieved when Kokichi had bumped into him after days and days of absence; only, it was hard not to flinch away at the sudden human contact and not to worry over his state.
“Oh, fancy seeing you here, kaiju boy.”
It took a second for Shuichi to answer. He was too caught up looking over the smaller boy at his feet. “… Hi there.” Somehow, the fact that he was unmasked wasn't the most concerning in his appearance. He was panting, his clothes were slightly torn and messed, and his usually pale face was a deep crimson shade. “Are you alone?”
“Well, not exactly. But I’ll tell you all about that if you go on a date with me.” Under other circumstances, Shuichi may have been annoyed by the joke, by the way the boy rocked on his heels in a near nonchalant posture –save for the occasional glance shot over his shoulder–. But if there was any chance Kokichi was being chased by cops or someone, Shuichi didn’t want to stay around to find out. He strained his ear and listened for any footsteps or someone nearing them, but Kokichi urged him, “I meant, like, right now.”
“Alright, alright.” As slowly as he could, Shuichi knelt down, acutely aware of the magnitude of his every movement. He pushed his embarrassment to the back of his mind and offered his palm up to the little leader, who hopped on a little too hastily and clutched to his thumb a little too tight. With one last glance around the area, the giant got up and walked the opposite way the other had come.
Surprisingly enough, Kokichi didn’t immediately start to climb all over him like a hyper kid, instead staying put like a… like a well behaved kid. Shuichi found himself wishing he’d had to worry for his safety rather than worry over his unexpected docility.
“Where are we headed?”
“Oh, let’s go faaar away from Japan and overseas. It’ll be so romantic, or platonic, really whatever you want as long as it’s far from here. Hey, I’ve got a super cool, super secret base in Australia. Sounds tempting?”
Shuichi held back from glancing behind him, and his pace subconsciously picked up. “I can’t really go that far. Did something happen?”
“You know, the usual.” He didn’t speak further after that, and Shuichi had to push his shoulder with his thumb to prompt him to go on. “Villains like me are just so hot and trendy, I’ve got tons of admirers and paparazzi who’d do anything to get their grubby hands on me,” He leaned his whole weight over the giant boy’s thumb and nuzzled his cheek to it, “But don’t get too jealous, Shuichi. Your grubby hands are the only ones I belong to.”
The boy only answered with him an odd look. He felt Kokichi shift in position and fiddle with something in his lap, so he didn’t bother him further.
At that late hour, the sky rested at it's darkest. Velvety black swallowed all stars and dimmed the moonlight to its lowest, and the only guidance Shuichi could rely on was the flickering street lights and his own memory. Snickers and whispers and clatters and whirring buzzed left and right, yet there wasn't a soul to be seen, save for the occasional cat that would hiss at the giant or rub against his shoes. Shuichi expertly blended in with the shadows with ease practiced over several years, but that wasn't enough to calm the unease fluttering in his chest.
“Afraid of stepping on someone? You’re going at an awfully slow pace.” Shuichi’s heart skipped several beats at the comment. For a split second, his eyes darted to the floor, but there was thankfully no person and no worrying, bloody splatter. He heaved a shaky sigh and looked down at the tiny boy in his hands, still fiddling with some secret and mumbling to himself. The remark sounded awfully out of character for someone he knew for certain was afraid of heights (even though he wouldn’t admit it), but Shuichi complied to his silent request. He cupped both hands around the small form in his palm and brought them closer to himself, before hurrying his pace.
Whether on foot or in a vehicle, Shuichi doubted any human could have caught up to him after so long. He didn’t want to bring it up to the leader who seemed already busy enough, but the curiosity was starting to kill him; if he was really helping a criminal get away, at least he wanted to know the details.
“Is the police after you?” His whisper was nearly indistinguishable among the the ambient sounds of the night’s streets. Somewhere, a couple streets away, a crazed dog barked till breathlessness. Shuichi stuck closer still to the shadows and deserted paths, changing his direction in hopes to avoid unwanted attention.
For a few seconds, Kokichi didn’t move and didn’t answer him. Deeming they had gotten far enough, Shuichi slipped into a dark alley between abandoned buildings and stayed put there. Even then, it took the completely uninterested Kokichi a moment to finally look up at Shuichi with an expression of annoyance. “What is it?”
“Are you-” He winced and shut his eyes tight when he heard people yelling barely a few feet away. He slunk to a corner, and both boys held their breaths until the group of drunkards got far enough. Shuichi let his tense shoulders fall and his chest loosen. “Are you running from the law?” He didn’t risk speaking above a breath.
“Oh, you know me. I’m such an angel, the law has nothing to reproach me” Kokichi, on the other hand, didn’t hold back from raising his voice. “Can we go now?” He kicked the fingers around him with his foot in a playful manner, but his tone hid venom underneath.
“What’s going on?” Slowly, carefully, Shuichi lifted his hands up to eye level. Up close, it was easier to see the numerous small bruises and dirt on his skin— at least, more bruises and dirt than expected for a talented criminal. The stern look Shuichi gave to the human boy was only met with a blank stare. Closed off as ever.
“Yikes, what’s with the mom look, Shuichi? We’re on a date, but you aren’t being very romantic or friendly right now.” Although he was much calmer than earlier that night, his eyes still drifted to the ground below now and then.
“I’m sorry, but we’re staying put if you don’t tell me who exactly is following you.”
“Curious, huh? You sound like one of those detective. I already told you, I caught the eyes of the wrong people and now they’re all yandere for me. And,” He paused, breathed in, and articulated every next word with great care, “I don’t want those people catching me.”
There was no prying with the leader for any more information. Shuichi bit his lip. He would’ve appreciated something less ominous, but he was starting to get an idea of the situation. “What about your group?”
“Dice? Oh, I raised them well, they’ll be fine without papa.”
Shuichi peeked out of the alley for any danger, then snuck out again. He knew where to go next. “So, you need to hide for a few days?”
Kokichi laughed. It was a nervous, all too genuine laugh. “A lifetime would be great, really. But I can do with only a few days.”
Shuichi only talked a moment later, when he’d gotten far enough from any curious ear. “Then I can keep you with me, if you want. Hiding is kind of my thing.
Kokichi had already busied himself with some secret. Shuichi didn’t wait for or expect a response, and yet, “Cool, it’ll be like a pajama party,” and after a beat, quieter, almost disinterested “Thanks.”
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iaintyourbro · 5 years ago
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Shipping Makes Me Question My Sanity
I learned about the FFVII waifu wars after playing the remake. I played the OG many moons ago, replayed it a few years ago, but really got interested in the character dynamics after playing FFVIIR. 
I foolishly looked up “Is the remake pushing Cloud and Tifa more?” I found the shipping wars... That I never knew existed. 
You see, I played the OG and it was pretty clear to me that the story went a certain way. In fact, I didn’t even associate FFVII to romance. 
FFVII was a story about a villain who was pissed off that a grunt killed him, so he finds a way to come back from the dead through clones that his father made to fuck with said grunt and get revenge on all the humans that wronged his Mother. 
(This is my explanation in as few words as possible, because we all know explaining FFVII would take multiple posts). 
So why did I look up my question about Cloud and Tifa? Well, I was shocked at how they presented them. I didn’t remember this from the OG. Like I said, I didn’t associate FFVII to romance like I did with VIII, IX, and X. Those were clear. FFVII didn’t have this as a main theme. FFVIIR created extreme sexual tension between Cloud and Tifa. 
I remember when you finally found out Cloud wasn’t a SOLDIER, that he actually DID kill Sephiroth 5 years ago, and that he did come to save Tifa - he fulfilled his promise. The part when the main theme plays and he takes his helmet off... chills. Even now, I love that part. Still, I associated this with us finally getting answers to some of the weird shit that happens earlier in the game. And I was way too young and dense to understand the Under the Highwind scene. 
Needless to say, I wanted to see if others had the same impression. It seems they did, and those posts were then overpowered by the other side. “Yeah, I used to ship Cloti, but the remake made me see that it’s clearly Aerith.” What? What did I miss? 
So I questioned my sanity a bit. I played every quest - I did both Tifa and Aerith’s discovery quests. Until the point we get back to Tifa in Wall Market, I still was kind of iffy on how they were presenting Aerith and Cloud. They removed a lot of stuff from the OG that was a bit more direct from Cloud’s end. They also removed a lot of the jealousy scenes between Tifa and Aerith. Seems they gave all the jealousy to Cloud in other scenes. 
Cloud clearly is soft with Tifa. He remembers The Promise, he calls her beautiful, you have no choice but to give her the flower. No matter what choices you make with Aerith. He still gives her the flower. He gets jealous whenever he even thinks a guy is talking about her in a romantic/sexual way.
Then I see things like “Cloud was so emotionless and mean until Chapter 8″. HOW? And this goes beyond Tifa. Cloud had a ton of character growth during the first 3 chapters, and it continued on until Chapter 8. This was not something where he suddenly turned nice to Aerith. He had a ton of people help him out before.
Take Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie. Cloud was a dick to them. I mean, he really was. I was sad for Wedge, cuz I think he’s so nice, and Cloud was just mean to him. By the end of Chapter 4, he’s much nicer to them. He’s left out of their celebration, and I think maybe this was a reference to him as a child. He thought he was better than the other kids (except Tifa). He treated everybody like shit (except Tifa) in the first three chapters and Barret told him to gtfo. 
Jessie made sure to let him know she wanted him there. Now, I’m not a fan of how thirsty Jessie is. I mean they REALLY slam it on you how bad she wants to get with Cloud. Cloud then says what I was thinking “Are you seriously that desperate?!” Yes, she is, and it’s obnoxious, but I think it’s a hilarious addition to the story. However, I think it was a light bulb moment that he would be included if he was a bit nicer to people.
Cloud and Barret start getting along more as time goes on as well. This is all before Chapter 8. So I actually have commented on these posts... “Did you play the first 7 chapters? Did you play the rest of the game?” There’s so many points during FFVIIR where Cloud clearly has character development outside of what Tifa and Aerith do. 
They ignore this. That’s my issue. The ignore everything else in the story. They ignore reality, so that makes people like me question themselves.
It reminds me of a personal situation with my job. We had a really bad leader. Like, cruel, mean. And he got away with it for a long time. You can say, “just leave”, but I think anybody with a family knows that’s not as easy as it sounds. Not when you rely on your job for not only income, but benefits, retirement, and stability. Not when changing buildings causes months of legit mental breakdowns (imagine changing companies completely?). So, it wasn’t really an option.
The worst part during all of that was knowing and seeing the reality of what was going on and having people flat out try to tell me that what I was seeing wasn’t true. I had conversations with other co-workers who started to question their sanity. Is it us? Are we the problem? Are we wrong? What are we missing? And that’s tough, especially when it goes on for so long.
In the real life example, there was a resolution earlier this year, where finally the guy was fired. And a lot of people were fighting him. More than you’d think. But they were scared, so they had to be careful. This is real life, not a game, so the stakes were much higher. The truth all comes out after this type of thing, and it was actually worse than we thought. There was a lot we missed, and a lot we just weren’t aware of. We weren’t crazy - there was just a group of his followers trying to brainwash us in to thinking he was great. 
The shipping wars give me the same feelings I had during that. I question my sanity and don’t get what I’m missing. This is beyond how you interpret the LTD. This is legit ignoring parts of the story as it’s presented. SE put these Cloti moments throughout the Remake to make a point. They have Aerith say things to make a point. They even have Aerith stop making moves on Cloud after Tifa comes back and she sees the obvious “thing” between them.
There are tons of analysis on multiple scenes and how Cloud reacts. Facial expressions tell a lot, so does voice acting. There are reasons they put these scenes in. There are reasons they are part of the main story and not part of side quests. There are reasons that the devs responded the way they did in interviews. 
The Ultimania clearly talks about Cloud’s feelings. The OG talks about them. 
So why do I still feel upset when I see these? Well, for one, the posters that say “I was a Cloti until..” in most cases are probably shipping the other side, but this is a great way to make people question themselves. It may make new fans not enjoy the story as much.
Then you have Twitter. And it’s a shame, because there’s some great fanart on Twitter. But, you can’t search for “tifa” without seeing some really bad posts. And it’s the same accounts over and over. There isn’t a large amount. 
The entire goal of these posters is to fight people who don’t agree with them. They also start posting similar complaints about a week after the Cloti side makes them.
The most recent being that Cloti fans are going after Nojima and it’s not going to change anything. What? I saw a similar post about the C////erith side about a week or two ago. Why are Cloti’s going after Nojima? So I went through some of his posts. I found one where he posted about FF7R. The only Cloti posts I saw were thanking him. The C///erith ones were over the top trying to say how it was all C///erith and there was no Cloti in the remake. One even said that “millions of fans want Aerith to survive.” No, I’d say the majority of fans want the original plot points to stay. 
Nojima himself liked a fanart of himself... where they called him the Cloti king.
So where are the Cloti’s going after Nojima? I only saw praise... 
The next new one is that C///eriths aren’t racist and Cloti’s are. I’ve seen this argument in reverse as well. It seems they scope out some things and repost them in the opposite argument. 
I just don’t understand the extreme nature. You can ship who you want, but you can’t erase parts of the story to make it work. Why even bother playing the game? The romance aspect is SO SMALL in the OG. 
In the remake its a bit heavier, but it’s different times. Sex sells. Let’s add some spice to the game, and they did. I felt no sexual tension between Cloud and Aerith. Jessie tried HARD. The only mutual tension felt was between Cloud and Tifa. That deep, dear lord please do something to release this tension, feeling. Cloud and Aerith had cute little moments similar to a Disney movie or a kids movie. Tifa and Cloud had the moments you see in more mature things. 
Some of these moments are optional - the resolution scene you can technically avoid every time you play if you choose to. The Clotiscrew tunnel roll is a bit harder unless you KNOW you can avoid it and/or are terrible at the game. You literally have to try hard to mess up to not get that scene. 
The Clotiscrew tunnel scene is also hilarious to watch people react to. Cuz you do feel like you need to take a quick walk to cool off from that heat. Even my husband who doesn’t give a shit was like “wow, yeah, okay, that’s... intense.” 
It didn’t have to be, it could have been a roll and release, but he holds her and says “You okay?” in that soft af voice THAT HE ONLY USES ON HER. Her response is equally sexy. Then they get up and stare. Once again, not necessary.
All the “unnecessary” touching that goes on is fun to point out. People are still finding moments, I think. During battles, in the background during other scenes. They’re making this a point. They make it a point to show shots of those two during other scenes in the game. They aren’t being subtle anymore. 
So I don’t understand how you can erase all of that. 
The other side has a small group that is completely shitting on Tifa to do it. I don’t see that as much on the Cloti side towards Aerith. I’m not saying it doesn’t exist, I bet it does, but it’s not as easy to find. Almost EVERY shipping fight has something about Tifa’s boobs, Tifa not telling Cloud about his past, something. They make stuff up in some cases.
All of this is a way to recruit people to their side. To “convert” them. I feel bad for the streamers who like Tifa and you see a group come in to try and “correct” that thought. Why do they care so much? 
Maximillian Dood doesn’t seem affected by those opinions - he’s a great supporter of Tifa as a character. He was very happy with the way they handled the remake, and that says a lot. He also has some great reactions to parts of the game. He also is a more experienced streamer, it seems.
My thoughts are... the Remake has blown expectations on how it was supposed to go. Probably a lot of fans assumed they’d make a point to build up Aerith as the love interest... but they didn’t. Tifa is in almost every chapter (2 is the exception). She is referenced multiple times in Wall Market - especially if you actually listen to the lyrics for Midgar Blues. Why place that song in during that part? 
So we go to the attack mode of survival here. They’re going to change as many opinions as possible. They’re going to make people question themselves. Make people feel bad. 
The reality is, there’s a clear cut story - they’re making it that way. There’s multiple hints that there isn’t going to be a love triangle. There’s multiple hints that Zack is going to be a thing in the Remake. They’ve definitely put it on more heavy that Aerith still loves Zack. 
I can only hope that things are made clear. That this can stop. I still say people should ship who they want. Hell, I ship Vincent and Lucrecia (this was my only romantic love in the OG back then...). However, canon is that Hojo and Lucrecia married and had a child. I wanted Vincent to secretly be the father so bad, but he’s not. That doesn’t ruin the game for me, at all. 
It would ruin the game for me, in a sense, if they completely pull a 180 in Part 2 and try to “remove” all of the stuff from Part 1 from a character dynamics perspective. It would feel wrong for Aerith to tell Cloud not to fall in love with her, tell him that everything isn’t real if he does, and also have her back off completely after Tifa is back, and then all of a sudden throw herself at him. It would erase all the friendship scenes between Tifa and Aerith.
And how could you just “turn off” Cloud’s attentive nature to Tifa? It wouldn’t make sense. It would ruin it for me because that is legit trying to erase parts of the story.
I don’t think that will happen. But I still get anxious when I see shit on the internet.
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radonyx · 6 years ago
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xiao hui’s development with zhanyi [more specifically jian yi]
I wanted to bring up the development of xiao hui over the course of the story.
when the audience was first shown the appearance of xiao hui, it was a rather neutral appearance. she was one of the many girls who had a crush on zhan zheng xi as a lot of females would flock around zhan zheng xi, offering to ‘lend notes’ from class as a way to get closer to him, often bugging/asking jian yi about him, blushing furiously when he politely puts the hat back on a girl’s head which had fallen when she bumped into him, etc.
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a harmless thing and who could blame her (or the other girls) when he is so handsome; what made her stand out from the other females, however, was that the author consistently showed her from the very beginning to express that she clearly had a deeper crush than the others did. zhan zheng xi himself never expressed any interest in them and admitted to jian yi that he is rather uncomfortable/annoyed with such attention from females most of the time, telling jian yi “this kind of thing is annoying” (cough, cuz you gay xi, cough).
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despite this, zhan zheng xi remained cordial with the women interested in him. however, xiao hui had become sort of a ‘pest’ in zhan zheng xi’s eyes — for the lack of a better word. zhan zheng xi would do the casual sort of polite rejection most people do in real life where you don’t want to have to flat out reject them because its awkward or you don’t want to appear rude by saying something like “I don’t like you that way. please leave me alone”, so you just try to avoid them until they get the hint. from the beginning of the story she would consistently follow and sort of ‘bug’ zhan zheng xi, oblivious to his obvious hints of disinterest. in the beginning of the story, he even pleads jian yi to cover/hide him from her and pleads with his eyes for jian yi to do something to ‘save [him] quick’ from her, which led the hilarious outcome of jian yi saying they should go pee together.
when xiao hui slowly started to have more of a part in the story, the neutral shed of light was faded slowly faded and became more negative as she became more bitter towards jian yi who was always surrounding zhan zheng xi. readers were shown her complaining about him in her thoughts as she felt he wouldn’t leave xi alone. after zhan zheng xi has avoided her several times, she writes a lover letter to him (which jian yi delivers) but zhan zheng xi chooses not to read. she starts to become a bit more persistent, and tells him she’d wait for him after school to which he tells her ‘thats not necessary’, she also then invites him to her birthday party to which he responds that he doesn’t like noisy places and quickly escapes her. witnessing this, jian yi felt some sympathy towards her.
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now while zhan zheng xi wasn’t actually cruel, it’s clear jian yi felt a bit of empathy towards her and could easily imagine himself in her shoes (even though he was jealous). then came the chaos of  people leaking her love letter, which zheng xi hadn’t read, on the school’s bulletin board >>> jian yi finds this out when he overhears a few girls talking about it and he becomes frustrated that zhan zheng xi has become the new hot gossip of the school because of xiao hui’s letter. jian yi didn’t want zhan zheng xi to be involved with any of this type of drama. when he lets this become known to xiao hui, she gets upset and starts hurling homophobic insults his way.
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her letter had just been leaked, she’s embarrassed, and she’s jealous and bitter of how close of jian yi is with zhan zheng xi — because of this, she becomes extremely upset in the heat of the moment (does it excuse her comments? no. but that’s where her mind space was at). jian yi explodes because her comment about him being ‘gay’ hits close to home; yet, even when she cries and zhan zheng xi shows up — jian yi encourages zhan zheng xi to go comfort her. but zhan zheng xi doesn’t listen and his first priority is jian yi and how upset he is. he comforts him instead and goes to officially and politely reject her in the best possible way he can, telling her she would meet someone one day who would love her (but implying that it wouldn’t be him). up until this point, she already knew jian yi liked zhan zheng xi as more than a friend, but after zheng xi officially rejects her, she begins to suspect that zhan zheng xi liked jian yi as well. she is still sad, but calms and slowly begins to stop crying. after this, there is a bit of awkward tension between her and zhanyi, more specifically jian yi as she had insulted him so cruelly beforehand. fast forward to later on when she goes to help zhanyi save mo from being framed for something he didn’t do.
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she is shaking and sweating. it’s important to remember the last time she saw and spoke to them was not particularly on good terms, and she doesn’t know if either of them have forgiven her for what she said to jian yi. she is nervous and scared of what they think of her and wonders if they will even accept her help — which they do in a heartbeat. jian yi doesn’t appear angry with her any longer and is quick to forgive her. they all help clear mo’s name together and xiao hui’s character starts to have a more positive light shone on her as the story goes on. 
later when she bumps into them at the mall, jian yi actually offers for her to join them out to eat, once again expressing he shows no ill will towards her. she is polite as well, wanting to respect boundaries (a vast difference from her persistent approach in the beginning of the story) saying she hopes she wouldn’t be interrupting them, to which he tells her she wouldn’t. as I said before, it seems that after zhan zheng xi rejected her, she herself realized that zhan zheng xi has mutual feelings for jian yi. it must have been something that has been going through her mind for a while now. we have repeatedly seen how the student body act / react to seeing zhan zheng xi and jian yi together, a lot of them stare in shock and/or amazement, it’s pretty obvious to most people there who have seen them interact that their feelings for each other are more than platonic. It didn’t seem to be as obvious to xiao hui at first but now it seems as clear as day to her. so she finally begins to wonder about zheng xi’s feelings for jian yi.  
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she decides to be upfront about it and directly asks “is it jian yi?” knowing full well the answer. she knows already. she knows the answer is yes. she wouldn’t be crying if she didn’t know his feelings for jian yi were mutual. xiao hui is crying because she is heartbroken — the guy she likes and is clearly still not over yet already has strong romantic feelings for someone else, for her it’s like a knife twisting inside her, to know that the suspicions she has been having were true. but we can also see that she is also smiling when she asks if its jian yi, because ultimately i think she does want happiness for the person she likes even if its not with her; just like when zheng xi rejected her, he still wished that someday he hoped she would find someone to make her happy even though he admitted the person for her would not be him. her smile also seems to be a way to provide support for zheng xi, whether intentionally or not, and show that she is okay with it (him having feelings for another man, even though she had said those terrible things to jian yi back then). she finally has some closure to her suspicions and is officially able to move on. 
after this, she hangs out with them for the rest of their trip at the mall and you can with no doubt see that she is no longer bitter as shown below.
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after zhan zheng xi admitted to her that jian yi is the person he likes, “is important” and “can’t be replaced”, things have changed. it's clear from the panel above how she doesn’t want to interrupt them because the moment felt so private; so she hides behind a wall, has tears streaming down her face and is blushing at them as she lurks. now that she has accepted that zhanyi only have eyes for each other, she has become a full fledged supporter (and shipper if you will).
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in the last chapter, she approaches jian yi to be a model for their music club and jian yi is more than happy to help. they all get along with each other and there is no bitterness or resentment towards the other. 
the development of their whole relationship from the start is very nice to see.
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ficsandcatsandficsandcats · 5 years ago
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Can you do one where a jealous ex of Jaskier comes back and tries to sabotage the Reader and Jaskier into thinking the other isnt interested, and the two of them almost painfully part ways before they realize his ex was lying and confess their feelings?
Fandom: The WitcherPairing: Jaskier x ReaderWord Count: 1,355Rating: GTaglist: @heroics-and-heartbreak @whatevermonkey @mynamesoundslikesherlock @magic-multicolored-miracle a/n: I popped in some Valdo cuz I couldn’t help myself. Oooops
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The evening started out as perfect as it could be. Jaskier had successfully swallowed his nerves and asked if he could escort you to the betrothal he was performing at and you had eagerly agreed. When the two of you walked into the hall, both beaming and excited (and sickening for poor Geralt who walked in behind the two of you), you felt the night was rife with romance.
And then Millicent walked in.
And then Valdo watched Millicent watch you walk in.
And then the two caught each other’s eyes and just like that, the two began to plot.
The pair of you were blissfully unaware of their machinations as you took your places, Jaskier in the center to perform and you at a table right out front so you could watch and clap along.
“Do you mind if I sit here?” an unfamiliar voice asked and you gave only the briefest glance at the woman who took the seat beside you. Jaskier’s eyes were fixed on you, not seeing anything else.
“Doesn’t he perform handsomely?” the woman asked. Your chest swelled with pride.
“He’s brilliant,” you praised.
“I was worried he wouldn’t come but I’m so glad I was able to convince him to give it another try. To give us another try,” the woman said offhandedly though she slid you a side-glance to check your reaction as the words resonated.
“Wait – what?” you asked, turning to face her.
“Oh, Jaskier is my former beau. Well, used to be former. Former-former I suppose since we have an understanding again,” she said with a tinkling laugh.
“But he- no, he asked me,” you insisted.
“Oh you must be Y/N! He’s told me so much about you! Thank you for being such a good friend to Jaskier as we worked through our little misunderstanding,” she said, clasping your hands. You rose and ran from the hall, not looking back as tears clouded your eyes.
Stupid. So stupid. How could I have thought this was anything more than friendship. At most a distraction.
You muttered the words under your breath as you wandered, not sure where to go but knowing you couldn’t be around either of them.
“Are you well?” a voice asked. You turned and saw a man approach. He was tall and handsome, green eyes filled with tender concern as he approached, offering a handkerchief with an ornate VM sewn into the border in deep emerald. You accepted it and used it to wipe away your tears.
“Pray, what has inspired such sadness in such a lovely woman?” he asked, his voice silk and honey.
“I’ve just been an ass I’m afraid,” you said with a sad little laugh. His shook his head slowly and raised a hand, long fingered and perfectly manicured and soft against your cheek, to wipe away the tears that still fell.
“Perish the thought,” he said fervently, “Whatever has happened, I promise it wasn’t your fault.”
A pained gasp pulled your attention away and you saw Jaskier standing in the entrance, pain-stricken eyes taking in the scene before him. You looked away, unable to bear the sight of him, and Valdo wrapped an arm around you comfortingly as he walked you away, shooting Jaskier a malicious grin you couldn’t see. Jaskier watched helplessly for a moment and then his hurt was replaced with anger and he started for you.
“Jaskier, love,” Millicent cooed, coming out of the shadows to pull him into an embrace.
“Millicent what the hell are you doing here?” he asked, unwrapping her arms and trying to use his lute as a tool to push her back.
“I’ve come to put you out of your misery,” she said sweetly.
“You’re going to murder me?” he asked, warily peering behind her back for hidden daggers.
“No, silly, I’m going to take you back!”
“I’d rather you murder me,” he said darkly, moving to pursue you again though you were already out of sight.
“It’s not like you to chase after women who have clearly chosen other company,” she called after him and he stopped in his tracks, considering her words. It was true that you hadn’t looked like you were being forced in any way. You were gazing into his eyes and you held his handkerchief and maybe, just maybe, he had been wrong about your intentions. Maybe you truly did view him as a friend alone. Maybe, and this was the ugly, jealous side of him that he tried to force back, maybe you had used him to make Valdo jealous and you had secretly always intended to leave with him. Jaskier turned around, Millicent watching him with a faux-sympathetic look on her face, holding her arms open. It would be so easy to fall back into them. To continue this dance until the next time she wanted him out of her life. It would be so easy, but Jaskier was tired of the easy choice. Not when doing the hard thing may have a greater reward. Before Millicent could say anything more, he ran full tilt in the direct he’d last seen you walking.
Valdo had led you to a little bench by the garden, the smell of roses thick in the air, taunting you with their romantic aroma. He kept his arm around you but did not many any untoward moves, simply holding you close as you finished crying.
“I’m afraid this is a rather awkward introduction,” you said with a little laugh.
“Not at all,” he insisted with a smile that was not unkind, “I find that tears are not uncommon when Jaskier de Lettenhove is around.”
“You know him?” you asked.
“I know of him,” he said, a distinct tang of disdain in his voice as he spoke the words. You sighed heavily.
“Am I terribly stupid for assuming I was special?” you asked miserably.
“No,” he said, tilting your chin up to meet his eyes, “You are special. That he doesn’t recognize this is a reflection of his own poor taste, not your value.”
You swallowed hard and admired the curl of his hair and the feline grace of his features, the green eyes gazing into yours in a way that was tempting but also… reminded you of the blue eyes you missed.
“Valdo Marx,” a voice rent the air in an angry roar and you jumped back, looking towards the door where Jaskier stood, holding his lute out straight like a sword.
“Jaskier de Lettenhove,” Valdo sneered, his beautiful face curling into an ugly mask of hate.
“Y/N this isn’t what it looks like, I don’t know what he told you but it isn’t true,” Jaskier said.
“So it’s not true that I’m special?” you asked peevishly.
“What? Of course that’s true. But you’re special to me,” he insisted.
“Tell that to Millicent,” You sniffed.
“Millicent is a scheming ex. Do you believe the words of a stranger and a vagabond over mine?” Jaskier asked imploringly. You considered his words and you felt Valdo’s arms tighten around you. You stood quickly and walked over to Jaskier who lowered his lute though his eyes glowered darkly at the bard still sitting at the bench.
“Just answer me one thing, Jaskier,” you said.
“Anything,” he said, his eyes softening as they turned to look at you.
“Why did you ask me here tonight?”
“I asked you because I wanted to walk into the room with the loveliest woman in the land. And more to the point, the woman I love,” he said, the words he’d struggled to parse into rhyme or song suddenly falling from his lips in a sound more beautiful than any song he could contrive. Your face brightened instantly and you leapt into his arms pulling him in for a kiss.
“Does this mean-”
“Yes! Of course I love you, Jaskier, of course I do!” you said, laughing as happy tears fell down your face. He set down his lute and wrapped his arms around you in a deep embrace, the pair of you dead to the world, unnoticing as Valdo awkwardly shuffled around you to stalk back inside.
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totaldramafan-lauri · 4 years ago
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Reflecting (Keep Moving Forward followup)
So, uh....first off.....if you’re reading this, I hope you have a Merry Christmas (if you celebrate it)!
It’s been over a month since I made that vow to keep moving forward.....but it’s been so hard.....It’s getting easier recently, though, as I’ve been able to think clearer.....bit by bit.....
Below is gonna be me venting about stuff that happened, and about myself and the lessons I’ve learned, so if that doesn’t interest you, don’t bother reading. I just.....wanted to....spill things out somewhere, where I’m not forcing people to listen to me.....And hopefully, this’ll be the last post I’ll have about this subject, or at least, one this long....
When it happened.....I was so taken off-guard....I was devastated and worried....and in my fear, I focused on the wrong things.....
I was SO caught up on the fact that....my friends....who I care so much about.....who I liked talking to, and sharing things with, and had such fun with .....were accusing me of hurting them, which was like, one of my worst fears....I was so blindsided by how quickly things went south......from being told that I’m loved, valid, and that I’m not annoying, and I’m fun to be around....s-stuff I wanted to believe.....to suddenly being told that I WAS annoying and obnoxious the entire time, and that I was actually an awful, selfish guilt-tripper who only wanted attention.....And.....that’s.....that’s not me.....
They brought up past events that.....I’d already either apologized for, swore to never do again, or was already made aware of and was trying to dial back on.....A-and that made it worse.....It felt like none of that mattered.....that I was so terrible that I could never truly change for the better, even as I tried to....And the part that hurt the most about the whole thing was not being believed. I didn’t expect them to forgive me, especially not right away.....I just wanted them to believe me....But no one believed me when I apologized again. No one believed me when I told them I didn’t mean any harm to any of them, and said that I’m completely aware of my mistakes, trying to be better, and would try not to repeat any of the crap I did before. Nothing I said was hitting at all, it was like I was just white noise to them.....
And after it was over, I thought about it more, let it sit with me......as I sobbed my face off, of and on, for days.....I hated knowing I hurt my friends, I hated it, hated it.....Thinking about what they were going through around me....Were they really that hurt? Was I really as awful as they said? Am I really incapable of changing and being better? What should I do to make everyone happy? Is it best for them if I wasn’t there anymore? Is it best for everyone? Do I deserve this pain, for everyone’s sake? Is everyone better off if I.....went away.....forever......?
But thankfully.....the tears slowly dried.....Thanks to the friends I still have, I got back on my feet, though it took a bit......And I’ve obviously looked back on everything a LOT.....And as the pain dulled, I started to think clearer....And identify the root causes of my mistakes.
Yes....I did mess up. I’m not the victim here. Just because it hurt, doesn’t mean I didn’t deserve to be called out.  Everything I said before this was how I felt in the moment, but this is how I feel about it presently:
It’s true that I never wanted to hurt anyone. EVER. I’m one of the least threatening people on the planet. I’m a socially-awkward, anxious mess of a person who struggles with the simplest of things. I’m timid, shy, but once I get comfy, I’ll ramble on, and fangirl....and I get flustered very easily. When I get flustered, I say stupid things. I do stupid things. And.....I'm constantly worrying about being annoying. I never had any hidden agendas to “make everything revolve around me” or anything like that. In fact.....I HATE the feeling of controlling other people (It was actually a running thing that I was the most submissive person in the server). I prefer being a follower to a leader, scared of disappointing people I care for. And I NEVER wanted any more attention than anyone else. I know I’m not important. I was just another fangirl in a server full of them. A server that belonged to everyone equally......Everyone got to be happy, and that’s part of what made it so great.....Every time one of my friends got attention, I’d watch, sure, but I’d never intentionally take away from them. No matter how much I reacted, no matter how flustered I’d get, no matter how many stupid noises I made...If I knew that I was stealing attention, I would’ve tried to step back, but still getting anxious over letting people I care about down.....in case they really DID want to indulge me....
I absolutely hate forcing people to do things they don’t wanna do. Whenever someone does something for me, I want it to be because they WANT to. I’d ask things like “Are you sure?” out of anxiety. This is especially true of RPing. My anxiety over RPing is so bad that I’ll never initiate one. I always want people who RP with me to actively have fun doing it, not because I’m forcing it. I always worry about the people I do it with, and if they’re having fun, or if I’m being a waste of time....And if, at any point, I had picked up on the fact that I was forcing anything, I would’ve backed off right away and apologized.
So, me being called.....m-manipulative....? That hurt....because that’s not me.....and that’s why I.....got so defensive.....
But.....like I said at the start.....I was focusing on the wrong things.
Sure, that one part was a misunderstanding. But who flipping cares? I still messed up. I messed up BADLY. It doesn’t matter if it was intentional or not. I still hurt people I care about, and I still deserved to be called out for it. While it’s true that nothing I did was intentional, they still brought up good points about me that I needed to hear, even if it hurt. After letting everything sit with me for a month, I’m finally able to address it, and put it in text so that I’ll never forget it. I guess.....this is my own callout post to myself.
So....the biggest cause of all of this.....is self-hatred.
It’s no secret to anyone who knows me that I.....don’t really have a high opinion of myself, and I consider everyone who I get attached to to be more deserving of nice things than me. The biggest example is when it comes to Spinel....I’d always be so so self-conscious when thinking about how she’d view me compared to my friends, who are more entertaining, and more deserving of her attention....at least, in my eyes. I wasn’t jealous of the attention they’d get, though (I’d cheer them on), I just looked up to them. At first, this wasn’t a huge problem as a lot of my friends had the same issues. But.....it got worse. Over time, my mind attacked me more and more.....I blamed myself for nearly every uncomfortable or bad situation that would happen.....and started to fear being left out and being alone. This led to situations of me basically going into tangents over how much I hate myself over things that had nothing to do with me. I’d blame myself, over and over again.....
Every single time I would beat myself up over being boring/useless/annoying/etc, my friends were always there, comforting me and making me feel better. But here’s the thing: I started doing this IN THE WRONG PLACES, at THE WRONG TIMES. Like, I would offhandedly mention how I wish I was more like someone else and have to be assured I was fine, during someone else’s moments, because I was an idiot and it didn’t hit me that people would actually stop what they’re doing to talk to me. I can even remember a few times when a friend was having a really bad day, and I would have a mental breakdown over worrying about them, needing to be calmed down. THAT could’ve been kept to myself. Like I said before, I never EVER intended to get special treatment compared to anyone else. But, the way I’d constantly moan about how “It’s all my fault”, “I’m so sorry I’m so annoying”, and especially the constant self-consciousness over Spinel.....All of that.....how every single time, it ended with people comforting me in some way......it was EASY for them to interpret all of that as guilt-trippy. I wasn’t aware of it then, but I can see why people would think that now. I kept doing it, cuz I was so comfortable venting to them that.....I got into a habit of it. In my head, it was just a thing that we all did, not just me. But I had no idea of what I was doing, and how often, until I had to have it spelled out to me......and that’s just....yikes. Luckily, I’ve learned now that there’s a time and a place to vent, and I’ve made a real effort to dial back on my self-deprecating comments, after being called out....but it didn’t matter anymore. It was one case of “I learned my lesson, but I did it so often in the past that no one believes me when I say that.” And I have no one to blame there but myself.....
But I will still take that message to heart, and will try to pass it to others. There’s a time and place to vent your insecurities. Do it in a dedicated space if you can. Don’t do it in a way that brings down the mood, or in any way that could be an interruption.
But that wasn’t the only mistake I made. Oh no no no. It gets even worse. My self-loathing issues have done worse than annoy people and get misinterpreted. I’ve said things that I extremely regret saying.
So.....in.....either late August or early September....around that time, things got a lot more stressful and sad in the server. There was a period where it seemed like every other day, a friend would have some kind of breakdown and leave the server. When someone I care about isn’t feeling well, my worry over them makes me overly-anxious, and....yyyyyyeah, my mind became even meaner to me. Th-the point is, people I cared about were having a hard time, and....I spent a lot of time worrying and stressing over them. I felt helpless.....I wished I could help them and make them feel better, the way they helped me....and, I started overthinking a lot of things, wondering if I was a bad friend.
I was so sick of myself for always saying “I suck at cheering people up besides being a distraction” and using that as an excuse to not do anything....It felt like I was doing the same thing over and over again: worrying about people while being too shy to reach out, and worrying that not reaching out made it seem like I didn’t really care.....
There’s one friend of mine.....who is really good at cheering me up when I’m depressed. He’s done it multiple times. I never ask to be cheered up, but.....he seems to always know what to say. And.....I look up to him. I wanna be a person like that.....a good friend who knows what to say......and......
And so I tried. After a certain point, I decided to stop whining and try reaching out to my friends more. I DMed more often, wrote them things, tried showing them I care. And at first, I thought I was doing the right thing, even if it was outside my comfort zone. It was worth it if I made someone feel just a little bit better while in a bad place.
But....I wasn’t good at it. At all. I was way too anxious to act calmly in those situations, and as a result, most of them.....didn’t go so well. As in, I never, I dunno, thought things through before saying them. Which, when talking to someone emotionally vulnerable, you should ALWAYS DO. I should know! I AM one of those people!
A lot of the time, I.....I struggle to convey my emotions properly. When I’m emotional, I say stupid things without thinking. Sometimes, it’s something that sounded fine in my head, but once I say it or type it out, I realize how wrong it really sounded. One thing about me is that I’ll never take the cheap excuse of “It was the autism’s fault” or “It was the anxiety’s fault”, because....stuff like that sounds so wrong to me. Those things are a part of myself, so blaming them is really just another way of saying that I was wrong. But yes, it’s true that a lot of autistic people suffer from the same social issues that I do. Coming off as insensitive by talking without thinking. This also goes back to what I mentioned earlier about how I act like an idiot when I’m flustered. I get emotional, I stop thinking. That’s all there is to it. And I wish I could just......stop.
While trying to talk to a friend who was going through a hard time, there were occasions where, either out of stress or evil brain jumping to conclusions, I would bring my self-loathing issues into the situation. AGAIN, with the self-loathing in the wrong place at the wrong time! When someone I care about isn’t feeling well, my worry over them makes me overly-anxious. ....I’d try to say “I hope you’re doing OK! We miss you!” and after a bit, it was devolve into “Please please come back, I’m sorry if I did anything wrong, I’m such an awful friend, boohoo”, and......yikes? After this distance, I realize just how badly-worded a lot of the stuff I said was.
Sometimes, I would catch on to what I said really quickly, instantly feel guilty, and delete the message, hoping no one saw it (guess what: that doesn’t change anything if they still saw it), but other times, I was so dang OBLIVIOUS to just how obnoxious I was acting, and needed it spelled out to me.
The ultimate irony is that, in trying to be there for my friends, I was such an emotional wreck that....I ended up coming across as selfish instead. The exact opposite of my intention.
I wanted to be like my friend, and failed. All cuz I let my own feelings get in the way.
Whenever I’d be called out on something, I’d apologize. And afterward, I’d do my very best to never repeat my mistakes. After being called out for sticking my nose in where I wasn’t wanted, I stopped initiating DMs with anyone who didn’t wanna talk, and made extra careful to double-check things I said. I was extra cautious about everything, scared of messing up again.
And....it seemed like my apologies were accepted, and things were fine again. But.....there came a point where it’d just been.....enough.
The damage was done. The conclusions about me were made. And my reaction - getting defensive over a misunderstanding instead of actually focusing on the fact that good points were made about me - didn’t help matters.
I poured my heart and soul apologizing to them, swearing over and over again that I learned my lesson. And.....almost no one believed me. Because I messed up THAT badly. Everything that came out of my mouth was taken as a sob story. And the feeling of not being believed and trusted anymore hurt so badly that I......shattered. I broke down.....
But now, thinking clearly, I see the full picture better. I see the truth behind the misunderstanding, and boil everything down to the core issues that I can focus on improving.
Sure, I’m not manipulative, and I’ll take those words to my grave. But I was still oblivious, annoying, invasive, and my self-loathing was a MAJOR problem that I let leak into too many conversations. It got to the point where it came off as guilt-trippy and attention-seeking. I can’t deny that anymore. That’s how people saw it. Sure, it was never intentional, but no more sugar-coating.
My biggest problems were: 1. The self-loathing problems, and 2. The obliviousness of what I was doing and how it made people feel. Those are the core issues. Everything else can be traced back here.
And.....that’s everything. All my self-reflecting, summed up here. A reminder of my mistakes.
I’m so sorry.....for everything I did. I’m working on it.....I promise. Thank you for letting me know.
This is the kind of apology I should’ve given them.....Properly self-aware, not that overdramatic mush....
.....I was never mad at them for saying those things. Even when the wounds were fresh, I was never mad at them, only myself and the situation.....I didn’t wanna hate them, I wanted to make things right.....And.....M-maybe it’s me being weak, but.....I still think the world of them now. I still think of them as my friends.....Especially now, when I can look back and try to understand why they did it. They were hurt, and they were only doing what was best for them......And I hope they’re all happy now that it’s taken care of. Cuz....they deserve to be happy.
I know that all I can really do is talk about how I feel, and give my side of the story, but I’ve still thought a lot about what they must have felt.....How hurt they were, what they thought, and if it was hard to do.....I can never truly know without communicating. And, for the sake of their privacy, and not bringing up specific details, I won’t put words in anyone’s mouth. This is mainly about my feelings, because that’s all I can share. But yes, this isn’t the whole story.
Sure, it still sucks, knowing that without some kind of magic lie detector, I can never truly prove that I never wanted to use or hurt anyone, and that I really did care about them so much.....but I have to live with it. This is the price I have to pay.
And through the experience, I learned important lessons that I’ll keep close to my heart.
Back when the wounds were fresh, I was blaming every little thing about me, trying to find justification that I was unlovable trash and didn’t deserve happiness. I blamed things that weren’t at fault at all, or that I have no control over, like preferences and squicks.....anything that could’ve been annoying people all along......But, I think I finally got it straightened out now.
My feelings for Spinel aren’t at fault here. (After all, I wasn’t the only one who had them) While my ramblings about not feeling worthy of her attention, and the stupid things I’d say when flustered over her, caused some issues, those things stem from personal faults of mine that have always been there. My self-loathing would still be just as bad if she wasn’t there. I’d just be directing it at something or someone else. So, no, I’m not forcing myself to get over her. I don’t blame her. Thinking about her brings me comfort still, after all this time....and I don’t wanna let that go. I can improve as a person, and still.....l-love her.....
No, I learned what I REALLY have to change, and have already made the steps to do so. I’ve made new rules for myself. I’ve started internalizing my self hatred and anxiety more instead of oversharing it. I only vent my issues in private places, or on here, where I’m not forcing people to read my crap. I’m DONE with forcing anyone to listen over and over again about how I hate myself, and.....how I’m now in this endless cycle of hating myself FOR hating myself.....it’s a lose-lose situation either way. Point is, no more of those self-loathing tangents unless it’s called for.
And other things, too......I’ve been extra careful about RPing, I’ve been extra careful about joining conversations, and.....about everything, really. Especially DMing. Now more than ever, I’m scared of forcing people to pay attention to me....I’m worried about coming off the wrong way. When someone pays attention to me, I don’t want it to be forced. I wanna believe I deserve it. If I ever deserve anything.....(And finally, one last minor change: I’ll no longer voice chat unless I’m muted. My voice is seriously obnoxious, especially when flustered, to the point where I’ll unintentionally insert myself into conversations just by making stupid noises in the background. I’m too loud. SCREW my voice. I hate my voice. No more.)
And, as the past month or so has gone on, and I’ve slowly recovered, and gotten past this period of self-reflection.....I’ve started talking to people again, slowly regaining the confidence to do so.....while keeping my new rules in mind. And, I’m happy to say that I haven’t messed up.....yet. Don’t wanna jinx it. But yeah.....maybe I really have improved.....
And.....for the past couple weeks.....I’ve been......happy? Well, the happiest I’ve been since that day. I’m no longer miserable, and I’m in good spirits. That’s good, cuz it means that I’m not bothering people!
So....I’m optimistic. Maybe that’s a bad thing.....but at the moment, it doesn’t feel that way.
In the near future, I.....I do wanna reach out to the friends I hurt. I wanna try apologizing one last time. Maybe that’s me not wanting to let go, but.....I really care for them, and we had so much fun together......It felt like we made each other happy, before everything got bad.....I don’t wanna feel like everything we ever did was because I was awful.....the whole time.....I don’t want the memories to be tainted.....
But.....I’m scared to go back right now......I’m scared of messing it up by getting emotional again. If they don’t forgive me, that’s fine. That’s their choice to make. But I at least want them to believe me.....and if that doesn’t happen, then it’s my fault again.
So....yeah.....I do wanna go back and give it one last try.....but later, when I’m SURE I’m ready. For now, as long as I feel like there’s a part of me that’s gonna get all dramatic and moody, I’m not ready. Cuz I wanna push that part of me away. No more pity parties. No more....no more talking over them. I’ll let them beat into me if it’ll make them feel better......and I’ll be happy to be forgiven, if that’ll make them feel better.
Either way, I don’t want it to end like this....but......is it selfish to want closure? Cuz, even if I don’t get forgiveness.....at least give me that. At least let me end this on a respectful note. Cuz....I don’t wanna be a coward. I don’t wanna just.....move on without taking the steps to fix the situation, especially with the people that were there for me so often......
Geez, this got long......sorry if you read all of this. I just.....wanted to put this all somewhere......TLDR: I’m so incredibly sorry for everything I’ve ever done, and I’m taking the steps I can to improve myself and become a better person. It’s not easy, and I’ll never forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made.....but I’ll try to get there somehow.
Keep moving forward......
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studiopoprocks · 5 years ago
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Can you do Kirishima Fluff alphabet? I didn't see one and the master list and Kiri is such a cute boi
Kirishima Eijirou Fluff Alphabet
Totally agree! Kiri deserves the best! Thanks for requesting again @ash-the-lover ❤️❤️
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A - Affection (How do they show how much they care in their day to day lives)
Kiri is always by your side, encouraging you and complimenting you. He doesn’t even realize he’s doing it half the time, just stating how you could totally bet up someone, even without your quirk. He’s kinda just a very calm hype man. Or maybe a puppy? Probably both cuz when you’re cuddling he always talks about how you’re the comfiest person alive, especially since he’s so jagged.
B - Before (How did they act before the relationship/ what was the relationship like?)
He was still as supportive as he is now, however this boy was a hot mess. He would always get tongue tied, or stumble over his works when he was around you. It wasn’t anything extreme, but he was always there if you needed someone. Even if that someone needed a little more confidence around you. He got better with the BakuSquads help though!
C - Comfort (How they act when their S/O is sad)
He’s honestly so good at calming you down. He’ll talk slowly and just try to get you to feel better before asking what’s wrong. If you don’t want to talk about it, he’s going to be precistant, but not in a pushy way or anything. He just hates seeing you sad, and will do everything in his power to make you feel better. If you don’t tell him, you better expect loads of favours and gifts. That shirt you said was cute two months ago, hey look what he found on sale! You have a craving for chocolate, well it just so happens he has multiple different kinds.
D - Dawn (What are mornings like?)
He’s the kinda person to wake up and go, so you’ve developed the same habit. Every morning you wake up to your alarm, playing some sort of music from the radio, and help eachother get ready. You focus more on eachother then yourselves, and end up preparing the others toothbrush and handing them off at the same time. It’s a weird dynamic but it works.
E - Embarrassed (How does their S/O make them flustered? How do they return the favour?)
It’s always fun to see Eijirou as red as his hair, and honesty it’s a hard thing to do. It took quite a while to find his weak point, and in that time he had found at least 3 of yours. In his defence, he didn’t do them often, and it usually consisted in private. His weakness however, was when you whisper into his ear. It was a late night you first found out, as you quietly told him you loved him, and Denki pointed it out. But like him, you don’t do it often.
F - First date (Were did you go and what did you do for your first date together)
Kiri had so many ideas, however he honestly didn’t think that you would return his feelings. “Of course!” “Okay, I thought I would try at least- wait you said yes!” Asked you to go on a date right on the spot. You’re first official date had been sparing, then heading out to dinner. But hey, you got to see him shirtless and all dressed up in the delightful span 3 hours, so you just ignored how sweaty you were from training.
G - Gentle (How Gentle are they with their S/O? Or do they like to rough house with them?)
Yes you spar together, but other then that he treats you with such softness you start to question his quirk. If you initiate rough housing though, better expect him to not hold back. He’s such a cheat, and will start kissing your cheeks once he’s gotten you in some kind of hold, just as insurance as so you won’t escape.
H - Habit (What do they repeatally do in the relationship?)
Kiri just likes being around you. There’s been a couple times where you’ve randomly caught him staring at you. Sometimes even in your conversations you have to double check if he’s even listening to you. 97% of the time he is. Whenever you question it, he’ll conpliment you on whatever he was staring at. Staring at your ears? It’s cuz they are so cute! Staring at your hair? He wants to play with it cuz it looks so soft. Looking at your lips? Wants to kiss you.
I - Intreating (What do they find fascinating about their S/O? And vise versa?)
Although he finds it interesting, he does get a little worried. You have this thing where you aren’t scared of quirks, evident when you gave him a surprise hug with his quirk actived. He instantly stilled, scared any movement would cut up your delicate skin. It’s actually pretty adorable that he gets worried, he never wants to be something that hurts you. After the incident he made you promise never to sneak up on him like that ever again.
J - Jealousy (How easily do they get jealous, and how do they deal with it)
Kirishima is a friendly person, so he gives people the benefit of the doubt. He tries not to let his jealousy interfere with you making friends, especially with guys. But he’s always watching, making sure they don’t cross a line. Good lord help the poor souls who’ve witnessed kiri’s 180 personality swap. He’s cold, and ruthless, using manipulation and glares to rid you of pests
K - Knick Knack (A random momento they still have from their S/O)
‘You rock my world!’ you laughed when you gave him a small rock that was in the perfect heart shape. Such an adorablely silly line, pierced his heart. It was during one of your first dates, and you honestly never thought he’d keep it, however the ring he proposes with is in the same shape as the little heart. You gave him a rock, and he gave you one in return. Except yours cost a lot more
L - Location (Favourite place to go on dates)
He likes going to the movies, but his favourite place is in the living room in a giant blanket fort that incomapsses the TV. Sure going out is nice, but having you in your Pjs, half asleep as you snuggle into him after a long day is Heaven! Plus it always reminds him of your first date at the movies, and gets to relive that wounderful moment just with the two of you.
M - Movie (What cliché movie trope has actually happened in the relationship?)
Blind date! Obviously the BakuSquad set you both up on a blind date. Both you and Kirishima were against it, due to unknowingly likening one another, but hey, you were getting a free movie out of it so why not? When you saw it was the red head, you were overjoyed. The date even lasted double the amount of time it was supposed to, neither of you wanted to leave.
N - Nickname (What do they call their S/O?)
What he calls his S/O:
‘Little ray’ (of sunshine.)
‘Beautiful’
‘Cheater!’ (Kissing isn’t aloud during sparing🤷‍♀️)
What you call him:
‘Soft boi’
‘Handsome’
‘Babe’ (you both use this one)
O - On Cloud Nine (How they act when they are in love/ Is it obvious to everyone around them?)
That beautiful smile is always on kiri’s face whenever your mentioned. Although he’s very cool and collected, that upbeat attitude can’t be missed. Even Fatgum called him out on it once, after a particularly happy outburst. You both influence eachother so much, it’s a joy to be around you and your boyfriend, and your lovely dovey atmosphere.
P - PDA (Do they like showing off their s/o, or are a little shy to kiss in public)
Even before you were dating, people mistook you for a couple. It’s never anything gag worthy, but it’s definitely there. Usually hand holding, staying close to eachother, hugs, and honesty just some good Christian PDA. Neither of you are even fazed by it anymore, it’s just something that you do everyday, and it’s definitely contributing to the hype of your relationship.
Q - Quirk (A random ability they have, that’s helpful in a relationship)
Softest hard boy. Eijirou’s heart is like clay, and he’ll always be empithetic with any of your problems, no matter how small. Because of this, he’ll always be there for you, having an emergency feel better pack ready at all times. Including favourite food, movies, and soft blankets. He’s really open, and will never try to hurt you.
R - Rearly (Something they love to do, but it doesn’t happen often)
You and Kirishima are busy people, plus it’s hard to get vacation time. You two love traveling, even if it’s just to the next city over. It’s nice not having to deal with responsibilities, and just get to treat yourself without feeling guilty. Plus you two are terrible influences on eachother, so your trips are usually impulse decisions. Still tons of fun though.
S - Special (Something that only them and their S/O do together)
Build blankets forts! Whenever Kiri is feeling self conscious about his quirk, you best bet you’ll be making a fort. The construction layout takes his mind off of everything, and it’s always worth it in the end when you get to play games and watch movies/YouTube together under the messy jungle of funiture and blankets. Remember to get Eijirou to let his hair down, don’t want it getting caught on the roof.
T - Together (How often do they spend time with their S/O?)
Now don’t get me wrong, ​Eijiro loves you lots. But he’s a super friendly person, meaning he may devide his attention up a bit more. You would still get most of it, and if you asked him to spend more time with you, he would drop everything at the slightest meantion of it.
U - United (In which way does the relationship become a whole? Marriage?)
Honestly you didn’t even realize it. It just felt so natural to be around eachother, that I would dare say you became whole once you started dating. You never really had that awkward faze, which allowed you both to keep growing with eachother. Kiri definitely wants to get married and have kids + a dog, but he’s content on how your life is right now.
V - Value (What do they treasure the most in their relationship?)
To him, your his rock (hehehe). With everything happening so fast with school, then hero work, and all the attacks, he’s so happy that you’re the one thing that never changes. He loves your comforting sent whenever he gets to spend the last bits of the day cuddling on the couch. Just sitting and enjoying one another’s company, the only thing that stayed the same in your hectic lives.
W - Wish (What do they hope will come from the relationship?)
He’s just happy to be with you. He’s so cute that his only wish for your relationship is that it stays forever. Eijirou isn’t a selfish person, so if he could just be a little greedy in hoping to have you by his side, so be it. That literally all he wants, everything else is a wonderful bonus.
X - XOXO (Favourite types of kisses and hugs)
He’s a sucker for sparing affection. Both of you going one on one, and somehow one of you would pin the other down. Either you straddling his hips, or his knees pinning down your legs. Every time without fail, one of you would lean in for a kiss. Just kinda laying there as you two make out. Hugs usually happen after sparing, as it’s probably not the best idea with kiri’s quirk activated. Wrap your arms around his neck and he’ll be like putty.
Y - Yearning (How do they cope when they're missing their partner?)
People can always tell when your on a trip or something based on your boyfriend. He probably doesn’t realize, but he’s never as energetic and happy without you. His mind is pledged with a disease called ‘I miss my S/O’. Side effects include: spacing out in class, half hearted laughs, accidentally buying two drinks, only to realize your gone, and getting sad that your drink is with him and not you.
Z - Zeal (Will they go great lengths for the sake of the relationship? What kind?)
Kiri almost broke a guy’s arm after he cat called you once. When it comes to you, he won’t do anything too illegal, but he sure as hell will rough them up a bit. What can I say, he spends a lot of time with Bakugo, he’s bound to pick up some tendencies. And one of them is being overly protective to the point of taking this vet seriously. If someone may you cry, they better be catching the first plane outta here.
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