#cuz even if youre a hot or cute or attractive guy you NEVER get women comfortable enough to fawn over you like men do over women

[soft-obscenities]

People really try and get you to tell them on ur OnlyFans? 😅 These guys really don't have $13?

Okay.... we aren't gonna mention that I started my period and this rant has nothing to do with that I swear to God I'm totally leveled out and this rant is unrelated as fuck

👁️👄👁️ 📢💨 sorry it's 7 min long

[dr3am5scape]

Got Attention for an Athlete Player

(Football Sevika x Cheerleader Fem reader)

Summary: Your a cheerleader who was caught getting attention from a hot known athlete, Sevika in football practice. You couldn’t help but fall deeply in love with her.

| Request are open in comment or on dm (message) whenever I’m available. Hope you enjoyed reading this and be doing more throughout Christmas break. Praying for this finals to be OVER ALREADY 😭 |

You was a cute cheerleader in college for the next football league game they were having. You’ve been a cheerleader practicing your part of the role to at least do something throughout college life without making yourself bored. You done this about a few weeks and was doing well, until during practices this afternoon, you were playing your role and then someone caught your attention. This athletic fine woman from your eyes, darting at her. And only thinking about is her in your own mindset. Her muscular arm and biceps showing out from her gear. The helmet she had colored black and red. She was quite tired after playing football with the boys, (ofc she’s a tomboy) and had to take her helmet off to feel the wind breezing on her face as she sighs deeply looking up for a second and then grabbing her water bottle from the bench and drank some before going back on practicing for the game. You kept watching her as you weren’t even listening to your own coach from cheerleader team.

Sevika was tackling the other players and move quick to be prepare of catching the football to herself and drifts off quickly to reach the goal. “GO SEVIKA! GO GO GO!”You shouted far distance away from the strong women. Not sure how you even got her name in the first place or if you remember it (Probably ask Vi once), you was so eager to see her play. The moment you started cheering, Sevika glances in the direction to see the one of the main cheerleader who was yelling. At first she didn’t understand what happened but suddenly she felt this pleasant feeling that crept into her. The cheerleader team was already annoyed from your excitement, along with your coach you never like when you signed up for this cheerleading stuff.

Practice was now over just for the day, well evening actually. You pack up stuff from cheerleading, including Pom-poms and the outfit. As soon you came out of the women locker, you saw Sevika’s height talking to someone in front of her, like they were blocking her face. Just when you was about to move quickly, cuz how you would blush like crazy and end up screaming lol, and unexpected thing had come. Sevika quiets down with her group of one of the boys, and turn towards you. She smirk showing her attractiveness face and curve body as she turn half way like she was in her flirting moment. “You were the girl who cheered for me?” Sevika chuckles.

You felt your chest in body heat and your cheeks turning red. You could hear and see she was approaching closer to you which got you startled. “Yeah yeah that was me.” You quiets down. You landed at the wall that was near you, with Sevika leaning her body against you admiring your adorable looks as you couldn’t do nothing but hear your screaming of desire all over your head. You could also hear some of the boys were snickering behind their backs, mumbling and whistling seeing the whole scene just expose out of nowhere. However Sevika ignore all that. She pulled back after observing your beautiful looks from top to bottom. “Thanks that you were able to cheer for me. At least someone enjoys what I do. It kinda made my day bit better,” says Sevika extending you a hand trying not to make the conversation more awkwardly. “I’m Sevika.” You hold onto her hand blushing like a maniac (like chill. I won’t even handle myself well😭😭)

“I’m y/n.”

Sevika smile warmly, eyes looking down at you. “Nice to meet you, Y/n. Am glad we could finally meet for the…first time.” You guys were both blushing red. “However, it’s a pleasure. I must get going. Have many duties to do,” Sevika says pulling back. You understand and wave at her. “Hope to see you another time.” Sevika look you back close to exiting out the building. “Until we meet again, y/n. Good luck out there.” The tall woman waves and disappeared. As soon you came home from the bus, you drop all your stuff in your room and lay on bed, thinking about the bold woman you were just talking to. You dreamed of her the entire night.

Next day (Afternoon-1:30pm)

In the locker room, you was getting pushed around by some girls for no reason. Your backpack fall including yourself on the floor, not wanting to do more cheerleading practice after that issue. You’ve been bullied quite some time since you got in the league of cheerleading and all the girls who were involved seeing you cheer for Sevika so loud, that they were thinking you super annoying and how much they hated you. Anyhow, you move directly to a corner of the wall not trying to tear up. You were pretty upset and tired. “Why did I signed up for this cheerleader shit?” You huff and did your best to stay confident without letting anyone taking you down again. Then you head out to see the whole football field waiting to see Sevika shows up.

In your mind you felt not cheerring or shout during practice. Probably people would think your some kind of fool doing, while everyone is practicing. You just wanted to make Sevika proud. 🥺💕 In your zone, you then saw Sevika and her other team getting ready for position as if their doing an actual game. But ofc your annoying ass coach snap his finger straight at you. “Hey! Get back to work! We don’t have time!” The coach ordered you to do so. While you were getting back in position with the other girls, you tried your hardest to focus on what you were doing but the thoughts were still in you of the woman who played so well. It’s like you want to watch her movement every time you would see her play football.

And just like that you were snatch by the coach. (Ain’t letting that SLIDE) Some of the girls laugh at you getting pulled back away. Even Sevika saw the situation which kinda got concern. Your coach immediately upfront you toward the wall looking pretty pissed. “Y/n if you don’t pay attention during practice, you would be banned from cheerleading at the next game.” You were silent hearing him shout at you. All you could say was “yes,” looking down on the ground. “Won’t do it again, coach.” After practice was over, you throw your outfit in the locker and slam the mess out of it. “DAMN IT!” You shouted not trying to have others hear you including the bullies. You try hard not to cry in front of people but thank god the hallways of the stadium was empty. But just then, Sevika was about to put her helmet on for further practices until she suddenly collided you. She stumbled, even you as you got on top, which thankfully no one was at the area you two were. You got up on your feet, fluster hard. “Sorry…” you said rubbing your neck. “It’s fine. I can’t be mad at you, dear.” Did Sevika just say “dear”!? Your heart pounding inside not trying to show out your true feelings but possibly Sevika might can tell. “I saw what happened earlier that coach of yours. Sorry you got kicked out. I should’ve stop him from doing that.” You sigh and nods. “It’s okay. I deserve to get kicked out. I was already tired of being in it.” Sevika nods as well. “I can feel it,” soft and gentle feeling appearing from the woman’s voice. “ You know just as I even look back on your excitement…” she chuckles “you were pretty much fascinated on the football field~” Sevika smirked trying to make the clear that she was hitting up on you.

You chuckle looking away. “I couldn’t help myself, Sev.” Her mocking but affectionate smile flashed on her face looking down at you. “Can’t deny it, can you~” Sevika says putting her hands on your hips. You fluster more and laugh softly. “No. It just I have glasses on see” (which I have one). Sevika pulls her hands back laughing softly as well, making you feel weak onto the floor. “Don’t even start blaming on glasses sweetheart. I would still see it through your eyes just as I did now~” She made sure no one else heard you two together somewhere in the stadium area. Everything was okay for now so she was able to take of her helmet revealing her short mullet hair (I WOULD GO FREAKING CRAZY) and slightly tired eyes from practicing.

“Your so…so pretty.” You were breathtaking just watching her look from the light about her head. This moment you really wanted to go for a kiss but you just met her like a few days ago. You really wanted to go and let her explore you and your body, making sure that no one touches you but your athletic tomboyish girlfriend. Someone to keep you warm and protective at all cost. “So are you.” Sevika haves you a wink. Things gotten a bit more awkward but passionate in silence when you two look one another. Even Sevika was mostly focusing on your lips. You both were trying to figure out what else to say. Then the thought came up. “Since I got kicked out, when will you next game be so I can come by and… watch you play.” You say tilting your head at her. “Our next match is in two days,” says Sevika. “I’ll buy your ticket once you show up. Your used coach can’t take away from what your doing for me. Do not worry.” Sevika says handing her phone number. “Call me when you get the chance.” She put her helmet back on, biting on her mouth guard and rush on the field, hanging out with the boys. Can’t believe she GAVE YOU HER NUMBER!? OH MY GOSH!!! (So extra😅) You just stood there like a mechanic doll wanted to freaking scream.

Friday Night (6pm)

The night the game finally begun. You bought some snacks of popcorn and nacho cheese to make things more entertaining and eyeing on Sevika the entire game. It’s like you were touched by her heart, it wouldn’t go away. The bleachers were packed by overcrowded people and you making the way towards the middle almost close to where the cheerleader team was. You had a good looking view of the football field which excites you. Two of the opposite team showed up on the field as the crowd goes wild. You clap your hands not ready to stand up and shout as in a way of embarrassment. Luckily, Sevika turn her back to see you popping your head with a light grey sweater on you. She waved at you, pleasing her cute cheerleader (you) and got on her knees to do few exercise before heading down towards her team.

When the game started, you enjoyed yourself eating the snacks you had. And your coach had to freaking show up during the game. “What are you doing here? I kicked you out of practice.” You turn to look at him wanting him to get crushed by Sevika. “Cheering for someone actually.” You tried to act all popular LMAO The coach rolling his eyes. “On who-“ “None of your damn business. XD” But then he could tell who were you even focusing on which is Sevika, one of the football team as she was ready to throw the ball for someone to get. “I see…couldn’t kept your mouth shut because of some wannabe girl keeping you off of practice just to see her play. Unbelievable.” You was NOT having this ruined your time. Your eyes betrayed him saying that which kinda snap you out. “Look sir, if you want to go and chit chat all you want, go talk to someone else but not me. I’m having the greatest time of my life actually. Am so happy I got kicked out. You won’t have to bother me anyway.” Sticking your tongue out, you walk to the next bleachers feeling proud of being brave to yourself.

Few moments of game, Sevika won a goal which got you on your feet shouting. “WHOOO! GO SEVIKA! YEEEAH!” People were startled from your excitement which made you had a nervous chuckle. “My bad y’all.” After the game was over, the black and red team won. Sevika and others had each trophy and medal. Your snacks was already spilled not even paying attention. Some of the students ran towards the team happy and hugging one another. Also Sevika was getting hugged to. You ran out the bleachers as well jumping on top of her. It surprised Sevika seeing you on top as she tries carrying her trophy on her mechanic hand. “Thanks y/n. You cheered for me so well.”

And like that she went for a kiss on the lips without anyone even bother to see the moment. You kissed her back, pulling up her face not wanting to let her go. “Come over to my dorm as a reward. We can continue this~” You nod. “Of course babe.” Sevika chuckles, waving goodbye at her team and eventually carried you to her dorm for an intimidating night.

| Yes! I was able to keep on writing in each paragraph LONGER because it was pretty much a lot to write and thankfully I was able to do more and not just a short one. If you have any request of Sevika, Grayson, Kuvira or even Mizu from blue eye samuari (I’m a simp for her as well), dm are open or the comment section. |

[midnightmayhem13]

marvel women headcanons

heyy first writing post! also before u bring up wands and nat they have a bunch of fics already but i'll accept request for them🩵

carol danvers:

GOLDEN RETRIEVER LESBIAN

always gives you her jacket when ur cold

loves having her arm on your shoulder

randomly picking you up bridal style

obviously dom

she brags about how great you are and how beautiful you look all the time

very protective

will death glare anyone that looks at you wrong

goes absolutely crazy if you wear a dress to tony's parties

asks you to dress her if you have good style

loves to gives you neck kisses and hold you from behind the waist

she always gives you love-bites

when you get dangerous missions she tries to take them but fury never lets her

loves cuddling you when she's off of work

big spoon

stares at you all the time

sometimes it's lovingly sometimes it's possessively

other than fury you're the only one on the team she really trusts

always wants to be with you

missions were you guys are separated, that take longer than 3 days are torture for both of you

she loves making you super flustered

matching outfits at tony's parties

asks you to dress her if you have good style

loves to gives you neck kisses and hold you from behind the waist

she always gives you love-bites

when you get dangerous missions she tries to take them but fury never lets her

loves cuddling you when she's off of work

big spoon

stares at you all the time

sometimes it's lovingly sometimes it's possessively

other than fury you're the only one on the team she really trusts

always wants to be with you

missions were you guys are separated, that take longer than 3 days are torture for both of you

she loves making you super flustered

you two give eachother the corniest nicknames

you get really hot at night since carol is basically a heater plus the blankets plus goose who always is next to you, between you or even sometimes on top of you

always as her hand on you thigh while she drives

carol loves coming home to you and is glad to have you

darcy lewis:

she's the type of girl to randomly bite and poke you

having to constantly wipe her lipstick off of you

always bringing her coffee the second she asks for it

she's deff a needy switch

darcy has a big sweet tooth so you guys constantly bake/buy cookies and brownies

she trusts you with her life but she gets super jealous super easily

but she's the most beautiful girl in your eyes

she steals ALL ur clothes

sometimes u find her in ur hoodie, sweatpants, and socks

she looks super cute in it

you guys obsess over cats and send eachother cat memes

you two make a very attractive couple

everyone loves you two

playfully stealing her glasses

but jumping anyone else who does

making sure everyone calls her Dr

loves to sit in ur lap while u work or in general

always cuddling

super fluffy relationship

so many kisses omg

cheek kisses nose kisses forehead kisses

all the kisses

best dates every bc she's super creative

very needy nd demanding, will randomly say "cuddle me" or "kiss me"

clingy in a good way

jaming out to taylor swift (don't deny it she's a swiftie)

slow dancing to lover in the refrigerator light

always ur plus 1 to tonys events

nd ending up drunk then making out in front of everyone

darcys the best gf ever

sharon carter:

•sharon's super protective nd possessive (lil obsessive too)

you always have hickies

very passionate make out sessions

she's a rough and dominant top but can ease up

sugar daddy vibes

will literally kill any man or woman that tries to touch you

has started a bar fight cuz some guy couldn't get his eyes off u

puts her hands under ur shirt to pull you in for a kiss

very touchy

ur her weakness

turn her on by literally doing nothing

she craves ur body close to her

ur way less protective but hate when girls check her out

she finds it hot when u get mad

a lot of pda

after a stressful day she loves to just lay on ur chest while u stroke her head

matching outfits to her clubs/events

if ur on the avengers u keep her identity as the power broker a secret

you two are the biggest feminists

having a very private relationship (from avengers)

her body guards know to keep you safe

massaging her shoulders when she's at her desk pulling her head back to give her a kiss while doing it

being the only one who can calm her down when she's stressed and mad

trying not to lash out on each other when work has u frustrated

still being able to act like partners in crime/best friends

she makes you feel safe and she really trusts you

nebula:

ur the only person she likes

like other than maybe gamora

ur the only one on the team who's seen her smile

u always tell her it's super adorable but she always tells you to shut up

touch deprived baby

after u break her walls and it's not super awkward she loves to cuddle and loves ur touch

a big cuddle bug

she loves to be between ur thighs and laying her head on ur boobies/neck

if u have boobs shes obsessed with them

she also likes a good butt

but she's really just happy to find someone who actually loves her

she's still surprised that u actually love her

she ADORES when u gently rub her head, but won't admit it

holds u by the waist all the time

likes to pull u against her chest and place her chin on ur head

TALL EMO GF

nebula gives the best hugs since she's a giant

u wrap ur arms around her neck and hers around ur waist

she's veryyy protective over you

she hates when quill looks at you too long

she blames herself if you ever get hurt

constant reassurance, u don't mind

loves making out

anytime anywhere

u on her lap, standing, against a wall

she loves to hold you in her lap in general

nebula desires ur praise

doing the marvel forehead touch when you confess ur love for each other

she loves touching you because u are very soft, warm, and squishy to her

for being one of the deadliest assassins in the galaxy she's really soft with you

always so gentle as if you're glass she could break

nebula is really glad to call you her partner/gf

she doesn't like when people look at you to long or touch you at all

you're hers and only hers

maria hill:

•she has a big soft spot for you

very protective of you

like doesn't want anyone too close to you

only her

she doesn't like when other people touch you

she seems tough in front of people but when it's just you and her she's the most affectionate person ever

you admire her a lot during work and people often snap at you to get ur focus

she stares at your ass a lot

sometimes she throws you over her shoulder and slaps your ass

during meetings or in general she teases you by putting her hand on ur thigh and slowly rubbing up and down

if you wear skirts she slowly starts riding her hand up ur skirt

she loves to tease you

holding hands while walking around

maria loves being the small spoon but you can't tell anyone that

wraps her arm around ur waist often

you fix the collar of her uniform

making sure to pay extra attention to you while ur on a dangerous mission

always makes sure u feel comfortable at social events

you guys do a lot of pda in front of the team just to annoy them

slow dancing at home in pajamas way too late at night

maria just always wants you to be safe

kate bishop

she's a nervous reck around you

very whipped for you

yelena makes fun of how she gets around you

kissing in the rain

going to her archery competitions

cuddling with her and lucky

dancing in the snow

having movie nights with lots of pizza

always needing some form of physical contact

head kisses and forehead kisses are ur guys' thing

making out when you guys get bored

clint is very protective of ur relationship

taking lucky out on walks with her

swinging ur joined hands when you walk

comforting her when her mom got arrested

clint's kids love you two together

clint also approves of you being with kate

he knows you'll treat her right

tending to her wounds

tickle and kisses attacks

she loves hugging you and swaying

on your guys' night time walks you have the deepest conversations

you guys have talked about ur future together

if u play an instrument/sing or are involved in a sport she comes to all ur shows/games

she loves telling you all about her and clints" missions

she tell them over and over again but u don't care, she looks so happy

one of ur love languages is taking cute pictures

u both just need eachother and u both know

hey guys hope i did them justice nd hope you enjoyed! i'll be doing stuff like this with alll the ladies on the page or focused on one of them but thank you for reading🩵

[destinyc1020]

Sunday confession, I think JE and Olivia are cute, sorry. I always got to respect a woman that ppl hate just cause she's dating a lot of ppls crush. I hate internalised misogyny so much, and so many women have it, unfortunately.

Just like when Timothee and Kylie dating, ppl were so dismissive of Kylie saying what do they even talk about, which is very vapid to assume in my opinion cause most male actors' life experience is limited, no offence. Also, when their fans dismiss their looks and struggle to understand why male actors would date them, that's crazy to say that cause most ppl are average looking and both Olivia Jade and Kylie are not.

I dont know if you've heard of the monsters menedez brother show, but one of the main actors, Nicholas, also has a gf, and the way some female fans have been on about her is horrible. He's very hot, but the difference between male fan of attractive actresses and female fans of hot white male actors is that they never dive deep into the life of the actress. I never see male fans of Sydeny Sweeney look up her relationship or past partners. Men just don't do all that. It's a shame at times that my gender is like this. We all as a society are just very lonely.

Like dismissing Olivia's looks and calling her average just because she's not Bella Hadid is harsh. Ppl get so many insecurities for existing. Imagine getting more because ppl think you're not good enough for your "hot bf." Like looks aren't always enough. Even Bella Hadid has never been vain about who she dates. She dates anyone she finds attractive, which is her niche. I don't know what I'm saying, but it is something that really bothers me.

Most ppl are not kate moss thin or Naomi Campbell attractive. it doesn't mean they don't deserve love. And why do ppl think that looks is enough to be in a relationship?

Dating actors are tough cause their schedules are never easy to deal with as a regular person. Olivia is a nepo baby. Her wealth can accommodate his lifestyle more than the average person financially. Also, new money rich actors are always sceptical of ppl to trust. Again, like she's not perfect, the rowing scandal is something that's justified, and it was wrong if her family did that. However, her mother did her time, and she owned up to it, and I believe in reformation. If you change your behaviour, then I'm not holding it against you. It's not like she's the first or the last rich person to do this. She just got caught. I don't know what I'm saying. I just hate internalised misogyny so much. It's so beneath us as women. That's it. That's my rant.

Thanks Anon for your confession 🥰

Hey, nothing wrong with finding JE and Olivia cute together. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Everyone is going to have their various opinions (good or bad) about a celebrity couple. It's just a fact of life.

This topic however on misogyny towards the gfs of popular White male celebrities is a very interesting one for sure. It's been happening since the dawn of time unfortunately. 😔 It's to the point where idk how some of these women do it! Idk if I could date a popular White male celebrity in Hollywood. I might have to forego my love for the guy and just date someone else lol, cuz idk if my mental and emotional health could take it! Rofl 🤣 Now I totally understand why Tom & Z kept their relationship a secret for so long, omg. 😜 😅

With that said, I definitely feel that it's important to separate the crazy female fans who just don't like their male fave dating anybody, vs the ones who just really truly have a problem with their male fave dating a certain particular type of woman.

I can't speak for all fandoms, but I kinda get the impression that MOST fandoms wouldn't really like any of their male faves dating a Kardashian. Tom's fandom included! 😅 They just scream clout-chasers and attention hogs. Nothing against Kylie, I barely know her. But she's cute, has a nice shape.... I'm not confused about why a heterosexual male like Timothée would be attracted to her. 🤷🏾‍♀️

But at the same time, I can kinda see why his fans don't like him dating her. I'm not gonna send hate tweets or whatever about it lol, it's really not that big of a deal to me. Most of these celebrity relationships don't last forever anyway lol.

But yea, I don't think there's anything wrong with thinking a celeb couple is cute. 🤷🏾‍♀️ People are free to lot like (or NOT like) whatever couple they want?

It doesn't always mean that the person is a "jealous fangirl" though. I didn't like Zendaya dating JE at ALL... but I knew it was her choice. I just thought she could do SO MUCH BETTER than him, that's all. So, sometimes, that's all it is. 🤷🏾‍♀️ It's not anything to start riots I've over though imo.

[niksixx]

Number 73

Requested: Anonymously 

Pairing: Axl Rose x Reader 

Description: “Hi it’s Tuesday so can I request a smut oneshot where reader is harsh to Axl cuz she thinks of him as a selfish womanizer, and he thinks she’s cold and pretentious so they’re basically enemies, but deep inside she’s unable to resist his hotness so when she’s with her friend she blurts our that she wants him to f*** her or sth, but actually axl accidentally overhears it and next day becomes her worst(best) day?” 

Warning: Smuuuut 

A/N: Reblog please !

*GIF is NOT mine, found on Google. Credit to the owner!* 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“My God, have they come up for air yet?” Y/B/F asks, eyes bugging out of her head.

Without looking, you already know who Y/B/F is talking about. “Let me guess. Blonde. Skinny. Around 5’6, 5’7. Tits squeezed into a shirt that’s too tight.”

“Holy shit,” Duff grins. “Spot on.”

Rolling your eyes, you look over your shoulder, scoffing at how disgustingly accurate your prediction was. The blonde is leaned against the bar, arms wrapped loosely around Axl’s neck as their tongues clash in a heated kiss. Soon, he’d ditch her though, and find the next best thing. That’s just how Axl operated.

“He’s a pig,” you whisper, but Slash hears every word.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say someone is jealous.”

You scoff. “Please. I have respect for myself, you know.”

Just as you suspected, Blondie trickled back to her friends, and Axl was on the prowl. You watch as he sidles up next to a brunette this time, turning on his charm. Their tongues are down each other's throats less than a minute later.

“Man, he’s good,” Izzy pipes up for the first time that night, earning a laugh from his friends and a death stare from his fiance.

Well, at least Axl’s friends weren’t despicable, womanizing assholes. All were dating, engaged, or married. None of them ever felt the need to sleep around, even though they’ve had plenty of chances. But Axl? It sent him on some sort of power trip.

Swirling the straw in your rum and coke, you turn your eyes down at the drink, leaning a cheek on your palm. It’s a shame Axl’s personality was shitty. He was an attractive man who knew how to please a woman. Not that you’d know, but damn if you wouldn’t love to find out.

Twenty minutes later, a drunk Axl falls clumsily into the chair beside you, earning stifled laughs from his bandmates. You roll your eyes and scoot away from him, only to be stopped by his hand gripping the back of your chair.

“Where’re you going?” He smiles lazily at you.

Conveniently, you notice your empty glass and you stand. “Anywhere you’re not.”

Steven hollers loudly as Axl’s jaw immediately tenses up. Shooting him a smirk, you find yourself heading over to the bar, turning in your empty glass and ordering three tequila shots.

“Rough night?” The bartender asks as she places the shot glasses in front of you.

You groan. “You have no idea.”

The shot glass touches your lips but before you have the chance to taste the bitter liquid, a man pushes his way through the crowd, nearly knocking into you, before settling himself beside you at the bar. “I’ll take three of whatever she’s having,” Axl flauts a fifty dollar bill in his hand, sending a wink to the bartender before smirking down at you.

“Charming,” you say, downing the tequila. It burns, and you kick yourself for not ordering a few limes to go with it.

“I know, I know,” Axl gloats. “It’s one of my best traits.”

“Clearly you lack the capacity to understand sarcasm.”

Axl grabs his first glass, drinking the liquid with ease. “And clearly you lack the ability to be nice. What’s your problem, hm? You always have this stuck up, bitchy attitude. I promise you, sweetheart,” Axl’s face is dangerously close to yours, and you pray he can’t feel the heat radiating off your cheeks. “You’re not all that.”

“Oh, and you are?” On a normal day, you’d let Axl’s comments roll off your shoulders. The highlight of his day would be insulting you, teasing you, and irritating the fuck out of you. And somehow he always got to you before you could say anything back. This time, though, you’re determined to stand your ground and speak the fuck up.

“Of course I am. Take a good look at who I am, angel,” Axl holds out his arms as if he believes you’ll actually admire him. “I’m Axl fucking Rose for shit’s sake. Rock legend, millionaire, ladies man.”

“Actually,” You lean closer to him, finger rimming the shot glass. “You wanna know what I really think of you?”

“Enlighten me,” he says, teeth biting the corner of his bright pink lip. “Tell me everything I want to hear.”

“I think,” you whisper, body slightly pressing against his side. His eyes are dark, lustful, and they betray him. “That you’re a selfish, stuck up prick that never got any attention as a child, and that’s why you crave it now. You have commitment issues, which is why you’re a shag ‘em and leave ‘em type of guy. You’re a womanizing bastard and you know no woman would ever willingly choose to be with someone like you, and that is why your life revolves around sex. Sex is the only way women give you attention. And that,” your lips graze his ear. “Is truly fucking pathetic.”

Axl stares angrily as you down the second shot, staring back at him with such animosity burning in your eyes, he almost believes you truly hate him. But the hatred in your eyes is mixed with something else, and he can’t quite figure it out. As he replays your words over in his head, it hits him.

Jealousy.

Axl isn’t prepared for the next words that come out of his mouth, but he takes a shot of tequila anyway for courage. “And I think,” he creeps closer to your body, maneuvering around the tight crowd so your back is pressed against the bar, trapping you in his arms. “That you are so beyond jealous that I haven’t fucked you yet.”

Your eyes nearly roll out of your head as Axl laughs at your expression. “Excuse me?”

“Tell me I’m wrong,” Axl prodes, eyes flickering to your lips. For a moment it seems as if he’s going to kiss you. “If I said let’s go back to my house right now, what would you say?”

“I’d say fuck no.”

“Riiiight,” he taunts, inching closer to your face. “And you actually think I believe that?”

“You should,” You briefly turn in his arms to finish the third shot before turning back, chest heaving, thoughts racing, pussy throbbing. He’s dangerously close and you need to get out of there, and fast, before you act on your thoughts. “Because I would never fuck someone whose dick has been shoved in about twenty different girls.”

“More like seventy-two, but who’s keeping track?” Axl winks, backing up to set you free.

Stomach twisting, you shoot Axl the most disgusted look you could manage. “You’ve had sex with seventy-two women?”

“And counting,” He grins, eyes racking your body. “Wanna be number seventy-three?”

~

One too many tequila shots later, you’re stumbling down the street with Y/B/F right behind you. The liquor had hit when you least expected, and tequila mixed with anger was a deadly combination.

“Seventy-two women!” You shout, leaning on a nearby pole to regain your balance. “He’s fucked seventy-two women,” your chuckle is empty, “And he...and he asked me, me! If I wanted to be...be his number seventy-three.”

“Does that surprise you?” Y/B/F asks. “You said it yourself. He’s a pig.”

“I know and it’s even worse because I’d love nothing more than to be number seventy-three!” Axl hit the nail on the head when he called you out for being jealous. You weren’t just jealous. No, observing his hookups with random girls and hearing stories about them the next day was infuriating. You’d never even been a choice to him.

“You don’t mean that,” says Y/B/F, helping you off the pole. “You’re just a little too drunk.”

“No, Y/B/F, I’m serious.” The purse in your hand slaps against your thigh, free hand smacking your forehead. “I’ve wanted him for years, but I’ve never been good enough. I don’t want to date him or anything, I know he’s not really into that, but goddamn it can’t a woman get a little hate sex in her life? I hate him, he can’t stand me. It’s the perfect fuck.”

Y/B/F grabs your hand, rolling their eyes as they help you inside a cab. “Jesus, Y/N, quiet down before someone hears you.”

But it was too late for that, as just a few paces away Axl stood in the back alley of the bar, phone lifted to his ear, cigarette hanging from his mouth as it narrowed in a smirk. You wanted hate sex? Oh, he’d give just that.

~

As you sit on your couch, TV on low volume, book in your lap, you try to ignore the aches in your body. As you discovered this morning just by emptying your guts into the toilet, tequila was not your friend. This hangover was the worst one you’d had, and even though it was your fault you’d drank too much, you’d subconsciously blame Axl for making you so hot and bothered, you felt drowning yourself in liquor was the only way to handle it.  

There’s a knock on your front door and luckily you’d kept it unlocked. You had no intention of moving from the couch other than to go to the bathroom. “It’s open!”

Your eyes don’t leave the page in front of you, too engrossed in the scene playing out, until the all familiar voice has you slowly looking up from the book. “You look like shit.”

“Always the charmer, eh, Axl?” Snapping your book shut, you chuck it beside you, pulling the blanket to your chin. “What do you want?”

Your pupils dilate as Axl pulls his shirt over his head, letting it fall to the floor. Wandering eyes run over his chest. He’s not like other men. He doesn’t have hard pectorals or the outline of six pack abs, and you like that about him. You also like that he’s standing in front of you shirtless, but you don’t have a guess as to why. “Two words. Hate sex.”

Your breath hitches as he moves toward you. Instinctively, you shoot off the couch. “I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about, but you need to get out of here right now.”

“Cute shorts,” Axl gestures to the soft gray pajama bottoms that are two sizes too short, the curve of your ass peeking out, giving him a show. “And you know exactly what I’m talking about.”

You move around the couch, Axl watching you like his prey. His thumbs are hooked around the belt loops on his jeans as he shuffles his feet along the floor.

“I was drunk,” you admit, eyes flitting around the room, looking at anything other than the man in front of you.

“Drunk words are sober thoughts,” He says back, folding his arms across his chest. ���I know you’re not a huge fan of me. I don’t particularly like you either. But what I do like is sex,” The bulge in his pants hardens, and you beg yourself not to look. “So, how about it, sweetheart?”

You hate the effect he has on you. He knows you want him, he knows he has total control over you now. But you can’t give into him. You won’t. “Get out.”

His demeanor falls briefly, as if maybe he’d read you wrong. “Are you serious?”

“I said get out, Axl.” Walking around the couch, you position yourself in front of him, lightly pushing his chest. “Now.”

He doesn’t budge. “You’re joking.”

“I said get out.”

His head tilts, but he backs up slowly. You follow him toward the door, heart thumping against your chest. Fucking hell, this was your chance! Why were you kicking him out?

“So last night was just a lie,” Axl responds, pursing his lips.

“No, Axl, it wasn’t a fucking lie,” Again, you shove his chest. “I want you. I really fucking want you. But for the six years we’ve known each other, you’ve never given me so much as a fucking wink. For some reason, I’ve never been good enough for you to fuck.”

“And that pisses you off, doesn’t it?” Axl taunts, shoulder leaning against the doorframe. “I knew you were jealous. And I’ve got to be honest, it looks hot on you.”

“Just go, Axl.”

“You don’t want me to go,” his voice is low, raspy, and if he doesn’t leave now, you may just pull him back in. “I know you don’t.”

“Axl, goddamn it--.”

His hand wraps around the back of your neck, pulling you into his body, lips molding against yours. His lips feel just as you imagined. Warm and soft.

He moves them against your mouth with such expertise it was easy to let him guide you. With his free hand he shuts the door behind him as you cling to his body, locking your arms behind his head.

His tongue explores your mouth, claiming you with each sweep of his tongue. He sucks your bottom lip and a moan escapes you. He kisses like an angel, but he’s anything but.

Axl’s hands roam your body, squeezing your hips, the curve of your ass. He whispers “jump” into your mouth and you do, legs locking around his waist, never breaking the kiss. Heat crackles between the two of you, and you’re overwhelmed with the need to feel his skin.

Axl walks the two of you back into the living room, gently lying you on the couch. His lips disconnect from yours and you groan in want, but his lips find their way to your neck and you relax.

“So needy,” he whispers against the base of your throat. His fingers play with the hem of your shirt. “This is in the way.” In a swift motion, Axl rids you of your shirt, running the tip of my tongue over each of your nipples. They perk, and he smirks before closing his lips around the bud, flicking his tongue and softly biting the peaks. Arching your back forces more of your breast in his mouth, and you hook a leg around his waist, bucking your hips upward. “I need you.”

“Be a good girl and wait,” He demands, licking and kissing a line down your belly. He stops at your shorts, kissing your navel once before slowly dragging the shorts down your legs. He kisses the top of your underwear line, lowering his head until his mouth hovers above your clothed center, gently kissing the fabric. Your hips thrust upward in a frenzy. “Touch me, please.”

He says nothing as he takes his time pulling down your underwear. It’s been months since you’d been intimate, and the shyness takes over. Your legs try to squeeze shut, but Axl pushes them back open again. “You’re not hiding from me. I’ll stare at your pussy all day if I want to.”

His tongue licks a stripe up your center before disappearing between your silky folds. Wetness gathers between your thighs and he laps at it, sending a shutter of pleasure throughout your body. He licks and licks, using the tip and flattening his tongue, but what sends you over the edge is his lips sucking your clit into his mouth.

Your toes are curling and your chest is heaving. You do your best to suck in heaps of air, but you can’t focus on breathing as his tongue swirls around your clit.

You want to watch him. Back resting against the couch pillow, you hold yourself up on your elbows just in time to see Axl spit on your pussy. His thumb spreads the saliva across your clit, flicking it rather quickly.

His middle finger slides into your hole, wetness coating the digit as it pumps in and out of your folds. Axl adds his ring finger next, using his free hand to spread you open more. “So tight, sweetheart. Gotta loosen you up a bit so you can take my cock.”

You moan at the vulgarness of his words. This what exactly how you’d pictured sex with Axl. The dirty talk. The fingering. The gentle licks on your clit. This is what you’d been fucking wait for.

Your head falls back as his tongue finds your pussy again, the sensation of his fingers and tongue making your head fall back. “Fuck, fuck, Axl.”

“Yes, baby, I’m gonna fuck you.”

Cold air hits your clit as Axl pulls back, hands finding his jeans and pulling them down his legs. He kicks them off to the side, eyes locking with yours as he fists himself through his boxers. You reach out for him but he slaps your hand away, sliding the boxers down his thighs. His cock springs to life, thankful to not be constricted any longer. He’s long and hard with a few veins on the underside, and you whimper at the sight of precum that dribbles down the head. “Sit up.”

At that point, you’ll do anything he says. Axl sits, hand stroking his dick as you crawl over him, positioning your pussy directly over his cock. You lower yourself a bit, clit brushing against the soft head, and even Axl moans this time. His hands grab your hips, and together you lower yourself down, stifling a cry as his dick forces itself inside your hole, stretching your walls.

Axl’s mouth falls open as you sink yourself lower onto his cock. His hands never leave your hips, but instead aids in the bouncing of your ass against his thighs as you maneuver yourself up and down, up and down. Your tits are perched perfectly in front of him and he licks his lips in delight as he captures a nipple, swirling his tongue in circles.

Your body explodes in pleasure, from the tongue on your breasts to the dick burying itself in your cunt. Hands on Axl’s chest, you balance yourself over top of him, slightly craning your head back to watch as his cock slides in and out of your slick pussy.

Axl’s hand grips your face, turning you back to face him. “This is what you wanted?” He grunts out, hips thrusting upward to meet your hips. “You wanted me to fuck you like a whore?”

Your toes curl. Your legs squeeze against his thighs. Your head falls forward against his, breath fanning over his face as his hand squeezes your jawline. This is all you wanted, and even if you had to wait six years for it, it was worth it.

“Come on, ride my cock.” He grunts harshly as your hips pound against his legs, riding his dick as if there were no tomorrow. Like your life depended on it.

Your pussy clenches around him, and that all too familiar bubble in the pit of your belly only grows as Axl continues his pounding into you. He thrusts at lightning speed, and you’re so caught off guard you reach for the back of the couch, holding on as he fucks the daylights out of you.

“Axl! Shit, shit,” His balls slap against your underside, arms wrapping around your middle to steady you against him. “I’m gonna--fuck I’m--coming!”

Your thighs shake violently as you come, juices spilling out of your pussy, dripping down your legs, and puddling on Axl’s thighs. His load shoots into you and he pulls your forward, nuzzling his face between your breasts, breathing hard. With every twitch of his cock, you moan a little louder.

You close your eyes, steadying your breath as you come down from your sex high. Axl licks his lips, eyes trained on your mouth, and you lean in to kiss him, but your lips never meet as he pulls back.

“This can’t happen again.”

The words stun you as he slides his cock out of you. He stands from the couch, pulling on his boxers and pants before pulling his shirt down over his head, leaving you to process his words. This can’t happen again. Why the hell not?

“Wait, what?” You shoot off the couch, flustered and completely naked. Axl’s eyes run up and down your body, and you can see it in his face, he wants you. But something is holding him back. “I just had the best fucking day of my life, and you tell me it’ll never happen again?”

He shrugs, finishing the button on his jeans. There’s something sad in his eyes, and your heart breaks. “I don’t fuck the same girl twice.”

He turns, and you chase after him. Axl just gets to the door before you grab his arm, forcing him to turn around and look at you. “So that’s fucking it? You’re just going to leave?”

Axl nods, biting the corner of his mouth. “One and done, sweetheart. That’s all I can offer you.”

“But,” you stutter, unable to control the tears pricking your eyes. “But I thought-.”

“That fucking you would be different?” He asks, swallowing nervously as the tears in your eyes break free. Damn it. He wanted to be gone before the waterworks started. “That I’d want to be with you? We’re enemies, Y/N. Our personalities clash. You’re a bitch and I’m...well...you were right. I’m a bastard that only wants sex. You were never an exception,” Axl blows out a breath and watches as your face falls dejectedly. “You were just number seventy-three.”

[wo-wann-was-wer]

WHAT I WAS THINKING: DARK SEASON 3 EDITION

EPISODE 1:

Who are these dudes with the harelip and what do they want

Why did she just take him to a cave and leave that’s kinda rude

So everything in this universe is just gonna be backwards. Love it

Ugh I’ve said this a million times but this show has such Fringe energy and I can’t wait to get a tattoo for this too

This is super freaking me out, i dont like that everyone’s in everyone else’s house.

Ooooh Katharina with glasses yes girl you better work.

I like Michael and this hat he’s rocking

Super into the fact that magnus and fransizka are involved in this universe too

There’s nothing cuter than sex before school. Ahhh the nostalgia

Ten bucks says that Hannah gets out of this bed and is pregnant

Fucking YEP

I am loving Martha in this Jonas journey

I know that all they did was flip the lens of the camera but my brain is breaking at this flipped Winden

Who the fuck is this random dude Martha is with

You know what he kind of looks like Jonas. I wonder if that's relevant or if I'm just grasping at straws

Bartosz looks like he's going to his first grade violin recital

I straight up just did not recognize Charlotte with makeup. She looks hot

There's got to be another person in that picture other than Ulrich because that's a lot of space to rip out for one person

okay hold up Woller looks so good and then when I saw that he was missing an arm I almost lost my fucking mind

Oh shit okay Hannah is living in Katharina's house.

Oh my God are Ulrich and Charlotte having an affair

Is it normal in Germany for kids to just walk into classes that aren't there’s and just sit down

follow up he has a clear noose mark on his neck

Aleksander looks so hot with this beard. universe B is the fucking glow up universe

It's weirding me out that the whole school is black and gray instead of light brown

The look of satisfaction on katharina's face

Wow honestly Louis just broke my heart with his facial expression when he realized his mom didn't know who he was

he looks so scared

Yes yes do it afffffffffair

Oh no you done got found out!!!

Oh the theme of the play here is red and set of gold

Fransizka looks so cute in this little outfit

Oh my God she's deaf!!!!

What the fuck. the fact that this actress can talk is blowing my mind

RIP to Regina a real queen

Peter's a fucking priest

All the fucking weird-ass freaky motherfucking trio is back

The dopplers have the same house That's cool

excuse me sir I think your child is broken

these guys are so creepy What the fuck

I definitely don't like the piano wire

oh this motherfucker is the one who gets lost

I feel like winden in this universe is just a little bit fancier

Well Charlotte and Ulrich just be fucking like crazy

Bartosz is the Jonas of this group and I love it

who was that??????

I cannot get over Aleksander in this beard

I like that things are opposite but they also have things that are different enough.

Like I'm so into the fact that they all went down into the bunker

who in the unholy fuck is that. who is that

Oh shit old Martha

What the fuck is this Tannhaus’ factory we're at

hold up Martha's in 1888

What the fuck. why is Jonas in 1888 and looking SO good

EPISODE 2:

casually sitting over your bed watching you sleep

he's look so good though

yo what the fuck everybody else is there too

Oh no things got really ugly at Mads’ wake

Not for nothing but Tronte is a dick

I kind of don't understand why Claudia would want Regina to live in such pain in this type of universe

Peter is such a good boy

lurking is the freaking national past time of this place

Oh shit we got some spin-off timeline stuff good

who is This is blind guy

I love Katharina so fucking much

I know what she's thinking and it's the same thing I'm thinking which is can I kill a child

why does this picture of Tronte make him look like Jimmy Smits

Katharina looks amazing in this jacket

Also I definitely did not just start yelling GO GET YOUR MAN KATHARINA

Regina just gets more and more badass as time goes on. Also all of the women of the tiedemann family are so fucking badass

I am so excited to watch this fucking relationship develop. they're both too cute

awwww he's using signs!

oh they're writing back and forth

DAMNIT PETER

I always feel like little Noah should do fuckboy sign offs when he leaves rooms because he's so smooth

yesterday Laurel said that this was back to the future but serious and just now Bartosz said it's not super easy to get nuclear fuel in 1888 and now I think that Laurel's right

I will never get over how good he looks JONAAAASSSSSSS

This guy feels like the OG inventor of sic mundus right

Katerina why are you even trying to check in at the front desk bitch Go and get your man

Is this Katarina's mom why does she just recognize that woman's name

everyone on the show is so talented.I spend the whole damn time being like oh my god the performances on the show and it's like yeah we know

Katerina get your man

I literally love them so much look at the look on her face She is a mama bear She is not going to let anybody take her man or her children and I love her

Not a huge fan of people who quote Shakespeare right before they kill other people or am I an enormous fan of people who use Shakespeare right before they kill other people

using a garotte to kill someone is ugly as fuck

I feel so bad for Jana

see this is one of the reasons why I'm like why would you bring Regina back to this world.

wowwwww TRONTE what's up dude

YO WHAT

Oh so how did Charlotte get back there but Elizabeth's still there too. didn't they switch places?

oh the head bump

Not excited for the mother daughter abuse stuff that's about to happen

I love these split sequences that they do at the end

anytime somebody stands and stairs for a lonely at a spot on the ground I assume to somebody died there

Oh shit that guy is a tannhausokkkk I see you

a religious images we love to see it.

This show is a whole series of pause that frame.

No I ruined something for myself!!!!

EPISODE 3

got to love those through and through Ariadne references

okay so Charlotte's great great grandfather has her watch?

who are these horrible traveler human beings

they look like less sexy Francis dolarhydes

I can't get over the fact that wollers missing an arm here I swear

we ARE the glitch BITCH

alternate universe Ulrich is a better person than standard Ulrich

what's this new like zoom-y thing they're doing

I was attracted to Magnus at this jump of the show but he looks better with dark hair

How did they not all die of fucking flu

eternally repeating deja vu

I looked at the production stills and I was like what the fuck is this hair do that Moritz has but he looks amazing

Also everyone on this show deserves an acting award

and Magnus is wearing a skeleton sweater

Hannah does that deep dive detective work any bitch knows the Nose doesn't lie

why doesn't anybody want to fuck wöller

omgggg eat the RICH

also he has that x tattoo on his hand that represents the no future thing

oh the light is rectangular and not circular ooooooh fancy

The show is also a lot of people catching each other's wrists as they walk away

I knew we couldn't trust this bitch

What did he give her

I love the parallels and characters behaviors between universe a and universe b

I want to know how Noah factored into all of this on this side

Martha has a type and her type is iconically Aryan

Oh Aleksander's back with that beard he's back

Hannah is such a snake

Omg that's her!!!!! I thought she was a trans actress.. hm. not super happy bout that :/

What is Helge talking about Ulrich did what??? omg

I would be like SIR DO WE NEED TO FIGHT STOP FOLLOWING ME

I stopped taking notes for the last half of that episode cuz I was really sucked in haha

EPISODE 4

FIRST OF ALL I'D LIKE TO GO ON RECORD THAT I DON'T CARE FOR THESE GENTLEMEN AT ALL

second of all why is this guy being like oh I took your name

why does he have Agnes's bracelet I don't like that

I don't like anything about this guy That's the end of the story

Also hold up a red hot second is Agnes dead cuz if so that's a hate crime

see what did I say

I knew that Hannah was going to get involved with Egon

from the second she walked in that office I was like that bitch has her eye on him and as she should he's handsome as fuck

Also he spoils her so much more than any other man she's ever been with AKA is Egon the only man she ever deserved

Is Hannah going to develop a heart cuz I'm not sure how I feel about that

Also what happens if Hannah gets pregnant

why is Ines a bitch I thought she was mad cool the beginning and now I feel fucking deceived

Also it's such a sweet gig that The kids who are playing kids can now play teenagers

poor Doris. Also he was shitty to her but he was far nicer than I would have been

Doris is so beautiful it's bullshit

older Magnus is so handsome

All I wanted was middle-aged Martha

bitch you have been having unprotected sex with him why do you think that pregnancy was not on the tabl

I'm like who's this guy in the church if it's not Noah I bet it's that little bitch

yeah I fucking knew it

Is this the dude that was married to Agnes I feel like this guy isn't real or something

I'm not surprised he let her go but I don't know why I'm not surprised. I feel like she's important to his timeline and I'm not sure why

look at these relationships forming between these sweet little bab

Hannah looks good in this red. Hannah looks good in all of these styles. 

who is this child

I like that already as a child Bernd had his eye on Claudia as someone who was smart and had a ton of potential

 I keep forgetting that I'm taking notes because I get so invested in episodes

Also I realize the zoomi thing which is going back and forth between the universes

Is Agnes Silja’s mom And if so with whom 

he gave her Agnes’ bracelet that dope All right Tronte

Wow Claudia needs to back off her man

Claudia force him into a relationship with her

I fucking hate Hannah but sometimes she speaks so much sense

ooh I don't need anyone Yes girl that's true You don't need anyone You needing people was what made you act fucking crazy You don't need anybody

This was always my big problem with Hannah was that I initially identified with her because she was such a survivor but then she did such horrible reprehensible things I just couldn't let it go and I absolutely couldn't identify with her anymore

Oh here's my daddy Noah looking so good

I mean okay so I have been in this position before where I was cheating and then my man cheated on me and I was like how dare you but also you cannot be mad if your partner cheats on you when you cheated too. You both fucked up

Is Hannah going to have a redemption arc cuz that's a lot

Oh my God she's not going to get rid of this child is she

Oh my great God I cannot believe that she gave Helene that necklace. 

I knew she was fucking connected to Katharina in the older generation I knew it

Louis and Lisa are a super cute couple and I know that they're not dating in real life but I think that they're very cute together

Oh everybody fucking

yeah they created the Apocalypse yeah

Oh no they have a child outside of worlds that's a mess How does that work so they had they gave birth to that ugly fuck

honestly I hate that he's their child for the most part just because he's ugly as fuck and neither of them are ugly as fuck so it makes me mad.

[calpalirwin]

Phone Screens

Summary: Online relationships don’t make the feelings any less real

A/N: Wanted to try my hand at a dialogue heavy piece. Let me know how I did.

Content: Friends to lovers? I dunno.

Word Count: 3.3k

And away, and away we go!

__

drumming_heartbeats: Hey…

jetblackrose: Hi!

drumming_heartbeats: Saw your post about how you met Ashton. That musta been cool, yeah?

jetblackrose: Oh, it was hella cool! I was like super fuckin nervous and he was so chill about it. Honestly probably shouldn’t have fangirled as hard as I did lol. 

drumming_heartbeats: Lol, why do you say that?

jetblackrose: I’ve only been a fan for like less than a year lol. I know people have been a fan for years and still haven’t gotten the chance to meet him, or any of the other members so yeah. Feel like I haven’t done my time yet or something. It’s stupid.

drumming_heartbeats: Nah, that’s not stupid. That’s actually really cool. Your picture with him is fucking adorable btw.

jetblackrose: Aw thanks, lovely! How’d you become a 5sos fan? Assuming you are one?

drumming_heartbeats: Lol! My friend got me into them. But yeah, been a fan for awhile. I’m Tom btw. 

jetblackrose: Ooo a boy fan! Sick! Nice to meet ya Tom. I’m Gen. 

drumming_heartbeats: Shocking I know, but us guy fans do exist, lol. So I take it from the looks of your blog Ash is your favorite?

jetblackrose: I mean… I love them all equally for different reasons. But yeah, Ash is my fav. Something about that cheeky lil grin he does. And he’s so… I dunno, more mindful than the rest? Like they’re all dorks, don’t get me wrong. But he also gives off an old soul vibe I really connect with too if that makes sense. 

jetblackrose: Lol, sorry for rambling. 

drumming_heartbeats: Nah, it’s cute. And I totally get it. He definitely does seem to have that wisdom that comes from going through some heavy shit. 

jetblackrose: Rightfully so. I mean, he seems pretty open about the shit he’s gone through. And the fact that it’s only seemed to make him a kinder person is part of why I love him so much. 

drumming_heartbeats: Yeah. Like it’s very easy to let the demons win and give into the bitterness of it all. But he seems like a happy dude, so good for him. 

jetblackrose: Good for him indeed! Like all I want in life is for that man to be happy. Like, we all deserve that, but him especially. God, that sounds dumb doesn’t it? That I can feel so attached to someone I maybe talked to for like 5 minutes. Like I know realistically he will probably never recall our encounter or think twice about it. But that doesn’t mean I can’t wish him happiness all the same I suppose. Sorry… rambling again. 

drumming_heartbeats: Nah, that’s not dumb at all. If anything I think it shows how caring of a person you are. Which the world could use a lot more of.

jetblackrose: Lol, thanks! You’re sweet to think that. But it’s definitely dumb lol. 

drumming_heartbeats: Not even the slightest. Fuck, I’m about to pass out. Talk later?

jetblackrose: You know where to find me. Night-o!

~~~

jetblackrose: Hey, Tom?

drumming_heartbeats: Yeah?

jetblackrose: Probably a dumb question but where do you live? I feel like I keep you up hella late. 

drumming_heartbeats: I live in LA.

jetblackrose: Shit, no way?!

drumming_heartbeats: Yeah, lol. I mean, I travel a lot for work but yeah. LA’s home. 

jetblackrose: Oh that’s awesome! Are you traveling now?

drumming_heartbeats: Nah, I’m home for the time being. Resting up. Gonna be a busy year.

jetblackrose: Yeah? Hopefully good busy.

drumming_heartbeats: Oh, yeah. It’s always good busy. Hey, did you see the new stuff 5sos put up?

jetblackrose: Yes! Holy shit! Are they TRYING to kill their fans or what?!

drumming_heartbeats: Lmao right? Like fuck, bruh…

jetblackrose: More like fuck me please, lmao! Quick question! And you don’t have to answer if this is way too personal. But are you gay?

drumming_heartbeats: No? I mean, I don’t have a fragile male ego. I can freely admit that men are handsome. But I’m not like… I dunno. If anything I’d probably say I’m bi. I just… labels are confusing.

jetblackrose: Yeah, I feel you on that. Like I just love who I love. I don’t feel the need to explain it much beyond that.

drumming_heartbeats: Exactly! I mean, but I’ve only ever had female partners so… the assumption is straight I suppose.

jetblackrose: I’ve only had male partners. Well, I’ve kissed girls. But I’ve only ever dated dudes.

drumming_heartbeats: Oh, I bet your bf loves that, huh?

jetblackrose: I wouldn’t know. I frequently had my attraction to women from the dudes I date so I don’t get the creeps.

drumming_heartbeats: So no bf…?

jetblackrose: Lol, that’s what you get out of that? You’re such a dude! But nope. No bf.

drumming_heartbeats: Damn, that sucks.

jetblackrose: Why do you have a gf?

drumming_heartbeats: No. I did. But we broke up like a few months ago.

jetblackrose: Aw, sorry to hear that.

drumming_heartbeats: Lol, I think you’re the first person to say that. Normally people are sorry to hear I’m IN a relationship, not out of one.

jetblackrose: Wtf? That’s so dumb, lol. You’re my friend, Tom. I want you to be happy.

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, I’m your friend?

jetblackrose: Yes…? I mean, we’ve talked all day every day for like what? A month? I swear I talk more with you than my real life friends lol.

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, that’s so cute! You’re my friend too, btw. If that wasn’t obvious. I really like talking with you.

jetblackrose: I really like talking with you too! Like, I know it’s probably really stupid to say, but I never really got how people can become friends online. Like how can you feel connected to someone you never actually met, you know? But talking with you, I get it. I’m glad you messaged me.

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, Gen baby, you’re gonna make me blush! That’s so fuckin’ cute. I’m glad I messaged you too. You feel more real to me than the friends I actually see lol.

jetblackrose: Looks like we’re both gonna make the other blush… Dude! Honestly, I think it’s because we can only talk. Like, we can’t actually see each other, so we have to rely on these messages. And it’s a lot easier for me to not be shy when I message someone. Because I can delete what sounds stupid!

drumming_heartbeats: Lmao! Nothing you say could ever be stupid.

jetblackrose: You say that now… Trust me though, in person I’m a fuckin nervous idiot. Like I talk too fast or not at all.

drumming_heartbeats: I bet you’re fuckin cute in person.

jetblackrose: Lmao, are you hitting on me?

drumming_heartbeats: Too much?

jetblackrose: Nah, lol. I don’t scare easy. I just bet you’re way cuter.

drumming_heartbeats: Not even! Have you SEEN your face?

jetblackrose: You mean this face? *picture*

drumming_heartbeats: Damn, baby!

jetblackrose: Fuck… is it really dumb of me to like you calling me “baby” so much?

drumming_heartbeats: I mean… I don’t think so? Like, I would hope it doesn’t bother you.

jetblackrose: No, it doesn’t bother me. I like it.

drumming_heartbeats: Cool! Cuz I like calling you that.

~~~

drumming_heartbeats: Is this your king? *picture*

jetblackrose: My brain literally went “oh daddy”... I DON”T EVEN HAVE A DADDY KINK! Ashton Irwin is going to be the death of me, watch. On my tombstone it’ll read “Gen. Killed by Ash’s hotness”

drumming_heartbeats: Omg lol!

jetblackrose: Too dramatic?

drumming_heartbeats: I mean…? Maybe?

jetblackrose: Maybe? Nah. What would be dramatic would be me saying how badly I want those arms of his wrapped around me. Like cuddling me. Choking me. I don’t even care. But those hands? I needs them on me!

drumming_heartbeats: You’re right. That would be dramatic lol.

jetblackrose: Like fuck… I bet those are the most restless set of hands. Like he’s a drummer. So like he’s probably constantly moving his fingers. Is it too much to ask that he moves those fingers across my skin? Like… bruh…

drumming_heartbeats: Omg, I love you dude.

jetblackrose: You what…?

drumming_heartbeats: Shit… I mean like… uh…

jetblackrose: Tom, relax. I love you too.

drumming_heartbeats: Shit, for real?

jetblackrose: Yeah. And… that kinda scares me? Like I don’t actually know you. I mean, I know you. We’ve talked every day for the past 3 months. But… I didn’t think I could ever feel this strongly for someone I’ve never physically met. Like, granted, it’s a very strong friendship love. But, I… I dunno if I should admit this… fuck it. I think I could actually love you. Like in a romantic way. Hell, I think I already do.

drumming_heartbeats: Omg, you’re the fuckin cutest!

jetblackrose: I promise I’m not lol. I just… fuck dude, I dunno. I just love you, alright? And it fuckin blows my mind that we live in the same area basically and haven’t met. Because I really wanna fuckin meet you. But also not. Cuz like I don’t want to ruin this. And that’s such a fuckin cop out response. But like I am genuinely terrified that if we met you won’t like what you see.

drumming_heartbeats: Why wouldn’t I like what I see?

jetblackrose: Because I can send you a message without stuttering like a damn fool. I can stare at my phone until I find the perfect way to phrase things. I can’t do that in person. In person I’ll probably just stare blankly at you and make weird sounds.

drumming_heartbeats: I would still love you, Gen. I’m not much better. I’m probably worse lmao.

jetblackrose: You’re sweet to say that. But I’m a very what you see if what you get type. I’m either hyper, loud, and obnoxious or I’m closed off and shy. I fluctuate from wanting to go on all the adventures to wanting to stay curled up in bed all day. It’s why I end up with failed relationships. No one can handle the wild mood swings. Which is fine. I get it. It sucks. But I get wanting a partner who can navigate middle ground.

drumming_heartbeats: Well all those guys are idiots because that sounds fuckin perfect to me. Like I’m a busy guy. And as much as I’m down for adventures, I’m also down to just do fuckin nothing. Like just being with the girl is good enough, you get me? An adventure can be as easy as building a fort and watching movies all day.

jetblackrose: YES! Like fuck, that’s all I want. Someone who gets it. Someone like you.

drumming_heartbeats: Good thing you have me then.

jetblackrose: Good fuckin thing indeed! God, I’m so glad you messaged me.

drumming_heartbeats: Me too.

~~~

jetblackrose: Fuck, I’m so stressed!

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, what’s wrong baby?

jetblackrose: Just lack of motivation. Like I need a mental health day. Only there’s too much to do that I can’t actually do that. Like if I could pause time, that’d be fuckin great.

drumming_heartbeats: Aw, sorry baby.

jetblackrose: It’s my own dumb fault. I know I have to get stuff done and I just… feel so uninspired I guess? Like I don’t want to do work. I want to do things that bring me joy.

drumming_heartbeats: Like Ashton lmao?

jetblackrose: Haha, very funny. But yes. And no. Like fuck I just wanna talk with you all day and bingewatch tv shows.

drumming_heartbeats: Yeah, I get that. But you’ll get through this. You’re strong. Love you, baby.

jetblackrose: Aw! I love you too, baby! Fuck, I can’t wait for my vacation in a few weeks.

drumming_heartbeats: Going anywhere or just like a good chunk of time off from responsibilities?

jetblackrose: Just a good chunk of time off. If I go anywhere it’ll probably just be around here. See some friends. Maybe go to the beach to get some use of the new swimsuit I bought.

drumming_heartbeats: I’m your friend. Can you see me?

jetblackrose: You wanna see me? You want to experience all this awkward in real time? Are you feeling okay?

drumming_heartbeats: I’m serious lol. Why not? We’ve been friends for how long now?

jetblackrose: Like 6 months? Holy shit.

drumming_heartbeats: So is that a yes? Can we meet?

jetblackrose: I thought you’re traveling for work?

drumming_heartbeats: My job is sending me off in spurts lol. Like I’m actually coming home this week. And then I’ll be home for like a month.

jetblackrose: And you want to see me on your time off?

drumming_heartbeats: Why not? Don’t you want to meet me?

jetblackrose: Of course I want to meet you Tom! I love you, you goof. But I’m nervous.

drumming_heartbeats: Lol, why?

jetblackrose: Because I love you this much with having never seen your face or heard your voice. I don’t want to see you and then have to say goodbye. If I get the chance to actually be in your arms, I’m not gonna want to leave.

drumming_heartbeats: Lol, good. Cuz I don’t think I’ll let you go.

jetblackrose: Okay, seriously, I could not love you more. Like are you trying to make me a flustered idiot?

drumming_heartbeats: Is it working lol?

jetblackrose: Yes! Okay, can I ask you a question?

drumming_heartbeats: You can ask me anything.

jetblackrose: Would… fuck I dunno why I’m so nervous asking you this… It’s no secret that we clearly care for each other. It’s also no secret that we love each other. But… is this all in my head? Am I confessing all these feelings and you don’t actually feel the same way in return?

drumming_heartbeats: Gen, baby, I’m serious. I… I want to meet you because I think we can be more than this. More than what we are here through these messages. Not that I don’t love our conversations. Not that I don’t want to stop having them. Because I love talking with you. I wouldn’t trade this relationship we’ve built for anything. But I want to keep building it. And I want to meet you to do that. If you don’t want the same, that’s fine. But that’s where I’m at.

jetblackrose: No. I want to meet you too. I’m just scared.

drumming_heartbeats: Don’t be scared. I love you, Gen.

jetblackrose: I love you too, Tom.

~~~

Gen sat in her car, frowning. Seven months of talking and she was finally about to see Tom. They had agreed on going to the beach as they both felt relaxed by water. But she was nervous all the same. Not only was she seeing her best online friend she had admitted to having a massive crush on, he was also going to see a lot of her skin, as she couldn’t exactly hide under jeans and hoodies at the beach. Not that she wanted to hide from Tom. She was just scared. She flipped down the visor and checked herself over in the small mirror. Then, she took a deep breath to steady herself and got out of the car.

She walked along the pier, the ocean breeze stirring her hair and bringing forth a calm steadiness within her. She leaned her arms on the wooden banister and waited. Her nerves had caused her to arrive a half hour early.

The water swirling around beneath her was hypnotizing. She wasn’t aware of time passing until a voice was calling out, “Gen?” followed by a small tap on her shoulder.

She turned, a smile on her face, nervous flutters in her stomach. As her eyes scanned up at her friend, her mouth dropped open.

The man giggled, a dimple indenting his cheek. “Surprise?”

Her eyes flashed behind her sunglasses and then her hands were shoving his chest. “YOU LIAR!” she shouted at him, her voice shrill.

“Whoa,” he said, grabbing her hands as she continued to push him. “Hey, I didn’t lie!”

“Yes you did! You said your name was Tom!” She ripped her hands out of his grasp, her skin lighting up in memorization at his touch.

“Clever, eh?” he smirked.

“Clever?! Lying to me was clever?!”

“I didn’t lie!”

“You lied about who you were, Tom! What else did you lie about?!”

“Just my name. I promise. And you don’t have to keep calling me Tom.”

Her voice shot down to a barely audible whisper as she told him in a horrified tone, “If I don’t call you Tom, then this becomes real. Really real. And then I’m the lunatic who just shoved my favorite drummer from my favorite band while screaming that he was a liar. And… STOP SMIRKING, ASHTON!”

Ashton held up his hands defensively and took a step backwards. “Alright, alright! I’m sorry, okay?”

“Sorry about what? Sorry you lied to me? Or sorry I’m mad about it?”

“Sorry you’re mad about it. I had to lie.”

“No. No, you really didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.”

“BULLSHIT!”

“Do you see how you’re acting right now?! This is why I lied! Can you imagine if we had done this over messages?”

“I wouldn’t have believed you.”

“Exactly.”

“Your friend got you into 5sos… fucking… UGH!”

“Yeah, that was pretty clever wasn’t it?”

“I cannot FUCKING BELIEVE YOU!”

“Well, will you let me explain then?”

“Please. Wordsmith your way outta this one. Be my guest.”

“Okay,” he huffed, pushing his back hair out of his face. “I liked you the night of the party. When we actually met.”

“Oh, my God… my life is a fan fic…” Gen interrupted, eyes wide as her brain played catch up, still not believing this was actually real.

“I have to be careful, okay. It’s not that I wanted to lie to you about who I was. Not that I was. Everything I told you was real. My feelings are real.”

“Jesus, I said so many fuckin’ things to you. So. Many! I said you gave me a daddy kink! I said I wanted you to choke me! I said those things to someone I thought was a friend!”

“I am your friend!”

“No! You’re ASHTON FUCKIN’ IRWIN! And I’m… Gen,” she admitted, sadly. “I’m right where I was seven months ago. Meeting my idol and trying not to read too much into it. Only it’s worse. Because you’re aware of things I never would have told you had I known you were actually you. Please excuse me while I go die in a hole. Matter of fact, I’m just…” She walked towards the edge of the pier, placing her hands on the banister and pretended to lift herself up.

“Stop that,” Ashton scolded with a chuckle, pulling her off the railing and into his arms.

She froze, her body going rigid. “Let go of me.”

“No. I said if I got you in my arms I wouldn’t let go. And you said you wouldn’t want to leave. Now who’s the liar?”

“It’s still you by a fuckin’ mile!”

He let go but only to spin her around before his hands were gripping her shoulders. “I’m sorry if I upset you by keeping my identity a secret. I get if that changes things for you. But it doesn’t for me. I still feel the same way I felt towards you today that I did yesterday. And I’ll still feel the same way about you tomorrow and for the rest of my life.”

“Y-you do?” she asked, her eyes wide in disbelief.

“Yes. Maybe I went about this the wrong way. Maybe I should’ve asked for your number that night instead of waiting for the picture of us to surface so I could find you that way. Maybe I shouldn’t have hidden my identity. But I did what I thought was best. I don’t like being vulnerable. I don’t like putting myself out there. So I protected myself the best way I knew how. You still got the real me, though.”

She stared up at him. As much as she wanted to be mad at him, she couldn’t. He was still her online best friend, and she was still in love with him.

“Look,” he kept talking. “Maybe we walk off this pier and never speak again. Or, maybe you trust me and yourself. Maybe we make it. Maybe we don’t. But either way, neither one of us is walking off this pier the same person we were before.”

__

Tag List

@goeatsomelife​ @flameraine​ @cashtonasff5sos​ @here-for-the-uproars​ @cxddlyash​ @1-irwin-94​ @baldcalum​ @sparkling-chaos​ @tea4sykes​ @youngblood199456​ @5-seconds-of-obsession​ @gosh-im-short​

[ourinnergalaxy-blog]

Landmark Day 1 - Documentation

Well first things first, I guess it’s not a cult after all. Lol It is def a self-help, self-altering experience. They present the forum as a “conversation”. A lot of the time, you are asked to share your experiences with people; maybe not the whole group of 90 people, but at least with the person sitting next to you.

I started out my day being asked what I want to get out of Landmark. And I said I wanted to have a better understanding of myself because it would give me a better foundation moving forward in my life. (also, the guy I was sitting next to at that point and had to speak to had the MOST GORGEOUS HAZEL EYES AND HOLY SHIT IM SO FUCKING GAY I GOT SO LOST IN THOSE EYES. hashtag blessed) As we went on, the question came up again and I was asked to tell three people instead of just one. And without me really realizing it, I began to open up about being transgender and the way that affects my life and the way I’m living it. (At this point, I got to hear the story of a guy who made my eyes light up like Christmas lights when he casually spoke of his fiancé and how HE went to Landmark. I FOUND THE GAY. HES SO COOL AND FUN AND CUTE AND I DEF WANT TO BE HIS FRIEND FOREVER. I’d probs be trying to date him if he wasn’t already in a relationship, no lie. Ahem, anyway, it was good to find the fellow LGBTQ person in the room.)

After lunch time, I guess that’s when it clicked... they don’t really tell you what areas you need to work in on a specific level as much as they tell you that the places where you feel like you have no power, freedom, or self expression are areas where you aren’t living your life as authentically as you could be. And I found I was focusing on the fact that I felt a loss of self expression around the topic of my gender. They told us that we work things up in our head to be this big thing and we mix up our idea of what happened with the actual factual events that took place. (now, in some areas I can see this not really applying as nicely, say in the face of abuse. Like, yeah maybe your idea of what happened is different than the actual happening, but that still has lasting effects that aren’t something that’ll just be better by being more aware that we’re seeing things in a different way than they truly are.) But on the topic of being trans and not correcting people on my name and pronouns out of fear and spite, it fit pretty neatly.

People stood up in front of the group and shared their stories. Willingly, mind you. And soon I found I wanted to be one of them. And I actually did. I actually got up and I shared my story. I told a group of strangers (who could have all been transphobes for all I know) that I am a trans guy and I’m not living my life the way I should be because I haven’t been honest about who I am. I told them that my not being honest has caused my interactions with the people I love to feel false and disconnected because I was allowing them to use the wrong name and wrong words for me. I was trembling the whole time. From the moment I stood up and went to that mic, in front of all those people... my body would not stop shaking. People had shared stories of loss, and unfulfillment, potential divorce, etc... and here I was complaining about not being seen as a boy. And these people! These people who had shared their tales of misery all looked at me with concern evident on their faces. They looked worried. Shocked. Saddened. I hated it. I hated that feeling that I was being pitied. I didn’t want to be pitied. I wanted to... I don’t know what I wanted! I don’t know what I expected! It made my eyes hot with tears I could only barely hold back. It made me shake more and more. I stopped looking at them eventually. I couldn’t look at them. The forum leader told me to create a new possibility for myself and my life. What could I do now, now that I’ve opened myself up to all this stuff. And my answer was the same as many answers: being open and honest. With myself and with others. And soon enough, I was free to return to my seat and the shaking stopped soon after. We moved on and spoke to the next gentleman.

Afterwards, people sought me out. They introduced themselves as they shook my hand and told me how brave I was, or how inspiring I was, or how well I did. I got pats on the back, hugs, fist bumps, a supportive hand on the shoulder. I just... I mean, I didn’t do it to be an inspiration. I didn’t because I felt I needed to, in a way. I needed to practice being open and honest in front of these strangers before I could be that with my family. Like, literally there was a woman who shared her experience having three miscarriages. And people were telling me I was brave? THAT WOMAN HERSELF CAME TO ME AND SAID I WAS BRAVE! I couldn’t believe my ears. It didn’t feel brave when my body wouldn’t stop trembling. It didn’t feel brave as I was slowly walked through to the answers I had to find for myself (though, sometimes I feel like they try to lead you to results that aren’t necessarily true for you personally at times, and I had to kind of stress to the forum leader that there wasn’t another “and...?”) It didn’t feel brave to spill my baggage on a bunch of strangers and then refuse to meet their gazes. But here these people were, moved so much that they had to seek me out in he crowd to tell me. Heck, I even have a lunch scheduled with an older woman tomorrow because she said she wanted to have time to sit with me and talk! Also... the forum leader told me I needed to make a call to my parents to address this.

I did, mostly because I knew I’d only give myself room to talk myself out of it if I didn’t. I called my dad. Told him I’m his son (it still feels weird to say). He didn’t freak out or get upset. He was actually open and receptive, and told me we’d have to discuss this more so everyone could be on the same page as far as how to address me moving forward. He told me he still loves me, and that I’ll always be have an important role in the family as the first born.

I talked to my mom in person afterwards. Since the conversation didn’t have as much of a time limit since the day was done, i got to be more thorough. About what my plans are for my self and my body. That I still like guys so I’m basically going from being a straight girl to being a gay guy (well, in their eyes; also this doesn’t address my attraction to some women and non-binary people, but I’m trying to keep things LGBTQ 101 for my folks right now). I told her I want to be seen as her son and be called he and him, rather than she/her. She was also receptive and open, though she has a difficult time letting go of “Well how do you know?” and the “Why?”. But I calmly explained that it doesn’t matter why, and that it feels wrong to be called a girl vs feeling right being called a guy.

I didn’t go into how I feel like non-binary guy is a more accurate way of looking at it, but again, that’s advanced LGBTQ material and not something I want to split hairs with when I know it’ll only make this transition harder on us all.

But idk... I’m in bed now, and I just wanted to get this all down before I go back tomorrow and have way too much on my mind to get it all down. They gave us a lot of buzz words: transformation, possibility, the “Story we Tell ourselves vs “What Actually Happened”, “Already/Always Listening, and Rackets. A bunch of stuff that sounds like junk when you hear it. And maybe it is junk. Idk. But I guess it makes sense... Obviously I’m not really digging into the total thing as to what these all mean in context but that’s mostly cuz I’m tired and I have to get up early. But they say today was the hardest part and tomorrow we get to take more control of the conversation and that the dots should start connecting. So, I’m not dreading it like I was dreading coming this morning. I’m not excited (other than to see my brand new gay friend who is an absolute PEACH AND ID FIGHT ANYONE FOR HIM IF I HAD TO) but I’m not fearful.

I feel like I’m still in charge of certain areas of my life; areas I feel need to be worked through in long term therapy, rather than mental boot camp. But I feel I’m willing to make this transformation in my general social, financial, and career areas of my life. I don’t feel brainwashed yet, so that’s good. I still question things, and I’m not about to just go forgive my father for the shot he put me through (especially since I don’t even think he realizes how much he fucked me up). But I’m open to seeing brand new possibilities in other important areas.

Woo hoo, I guess. This probably makes little sense to anyone who’s never taken the Landmark course. But this is for me mostly. Lol Well this whole blog is, really.

[krystlind]

it’s really so weird. but i’m starting to realize

the reason i get that anxiety or “oh no” feeling when I see a hot girl and think he’s gonna think she’s hotter

is i think because i feel like i’ve actually swindled myself into the hot girl role. i have put up a perfect deception, and i’m still keeping up the illusion/facade. like somehow i found myself here.

it’s who i’d been wanting to be all of high school and always getting rejected as. even at UCSD. i was never the hot sought-after girl. i was just cute and pretty maybe. i’d look to those hot girls, and feel so far from it, rejected, just like a skinny flat or something, feeling extremely unwanted.

and so when i got to this role with him, BOOm it became my time to shine! redeem that, (cuz i saw him as the type of guy that would probably go for that girl, so it was sooo affirming and redeeming when i got it) and i would do all i would to maintain it, to finally live this out. and i guess this whole time, i felt like i somehow managed to get it together

but there were the actual ones out there and this person would be disillusioned from me. and that would be the ultimate rejection. being “found out.”

i think that’s why i got so anxious and get so anxious.

so i need to talk to young krystl in high school. what does she need to hear?

hey i totally understand you’re feeling rejected, unseen, unwanted

but beauty is in so many other ways and things, so many other qualities count much more in life

and you have to put weight on that

hot=desirable by men.. is that the end goal?

beauty, inside means = a life of fulfillment, surrounded by good people, of impact, of respect, honor, prestige, of influence, of connecting with people, of authenticity, of inspiration

believe me. that’s what you actually want. not that other stuff.

i would feel soooooo insecure and less than when

i was flat and made fun of

i didn’t have that hot factor when girls around me were blossoming

i didn’t have curves when i was with c

i was just this stick and i would see girls in the light at public high school,  or greek life, they were developed, they looked like women, they were desired, they were top date picks. i just felt little and less than

i remember when sheryl asked would you rather be beautiful or hot, i immediately answered hot! and they were shocked by it. was i? no.

i wonder why... i think it’s because beautiful was beautiful, and hot warranted a man’s attention and acceptance.

so that’s possibly what it comes down to. the inner need to have a man’s attention and acceptance. my worth dependent on the common man’s standard of what was desirable. and where does that come from? what do we say to her?

i feel like this could be generational, and also daddy issues

so i guess it comes down to me, having to re-look at what is most important to me in life. do you really value admiration by men over goodness, respect, fulfillment, and impact? it’s possibly not that value it more, as much as it is that the rejection of the “man” is more painful, like i mean it really mean something about me. about my unworthiness. i have this fuck all men attitude now but underlying it is the reason for my insecurities, which is that I wanted to be admired/accepted by them. so i made my self-worth veryyy additionally defined by the acceptance of the man. so now, how do i shift this?

i have the head knowledge, book answer “but honey your worth is so much more than that!”

i. know. but it doesn’t change the fact that self-worth is still that from the subconscious. need. help. writing. a. different. story.i 

can i tell myself something now?

You are more than just your looks. looks fade. beauty fades. but what is stronger, lasts longer, is your mind, your heart, your soul.

Value that. Value the impact, the voice, the care, the compassion, the connection, the charisma, the light that you bring. Value and OWN that over everything. people are attracted to beauty yes, but people cannot RESIST AND NOT BE CHANGED, TRANSFORMED, AND MADE BETTER BY THE LIGHT, YOUR HEART, YOUR MIND.

Embrace your cuteness mixed with a little playful sexy. it’s so you. I believe you are so fucking sexy. you have a natural sex appeal and seduction. it’s very subtle.

if you want to be powerful in this life, and have a legacy. don’t over-hype/settle for the “accepted by man for being sexy” GOD you will fall short at like 32 and then all that for what?

if you want to be powerful in this life and have legacy, seek impact, the mission, the ascension (the kingdom). and all these things will be added.

[badwolfdom]

Holidate

Reaction post; thoughts I had while watching the new Netlix original Holidate.

FQ=favorite quote

!!!SPOILERS !!!SPOILERS !!!SPOILERS !!!SPOILERS !!!SPOILERS !!!SPOILERS !!!

-Christmas with the fam and EVERYONE has to comment on how sad she must be just because she is single. I hate single shaming. Please can we end single shaming in 2021?

-Her sister says “It’s been 6 months, it’s time to get back out there”, who are you to put a time limit on when someone is or is not ready to date?! 

-Small child picks up the same conversation. Watch yo kids people, they mimic everything! And even she has a boyfriend because of course she does.

-Sophia from Young & Hungry! (actress Aimee Carrero) Love her.

-I absolutely do not blame him for acting that way but I hate that he said “chicks go crazy on the holidays”. Also boldness points for taking the pants lol

-Her brother is proposing to his girlfriend who he has been dating for 3 months... that’s gonna go well for them...

-WTF are “authentic skinny jeans” sales lady?!

FQ- Jackson: ”I don’t eat that crap, do you know what it does to your body?” Sloane: “Yeah, it fills me with warm delicious happiness”

FQ- Jackson: “You had me at Lester”

-At the NYE party they declare “we don’t even like each other!” yeah, ok... you’re extreme on screen chemistry begs to differ though.

-What a meta conversation about romantic comedies in a romantic comedy

-It is so cute that Sloane gave her gorgeous dress to that woman so she could have the proposal she always wanted!

-OMG they JUST met and they are going to do the Dirty Dancing lift?! I’ve seen the trailer though so I know it does not go well...

-See, New Years is always a disappointment.

-He gently kisses her cheek though, so cute.

-Fuck that coat is absolutely gorgeous

-Her soon to be sister in law tells her she can’t be alone at the wedding. Again I say why the fuck not?! Let people be single!!! 

-Then she says “and you’re letting yourself go” WTF rude.

-Ew ex-boyfriend

-Ew ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend

FQ- “I’m just trying to nail her..............down long term” hehehe

-They are all so much taller than her. CAN. RELATE.

-What, she is seriously still going to be hung up on the fact that he said he wasn’t attracted to her when that was obviously a lie?

-He asks her “Why didn’t you call me?”, yeah, he absolutely cares. He got feels.

-Saint Patrick’s Day. Ah the good old days before COVID when hundreds could gather in a single room.

-Ah cracks in the happy new couple. She’s beginning to realize she doesn’t really know him. Typical and called it.

-Easter. Peeps are disgusting, stick to chocolate.

-Mom shames the aunt again even though she is clearly having a good time.

-Real talk in the kid’s house. That’s an interesting way of being vulnerable. Makes me realize why he appreciates the freedom in their relationship so much, he is free to truly be himself. While this is cute it is also frustrating to me because I think it is obvious that all relationships should work that way, if only everyone else could figure that out.

-Love her tiny sombrero for Cinco de Mayo and yes by bringing up sex repeatedly he is definitely trying to hook up with you but you can’t see it because you have stupidly convinced yourself that he is not attracted to you.

-Why is the puppet on the ceiling fan?! They may or may not have had sex but something freaky definitely went down. LMAO

-Ew mom

-Fourth of July, he blew off his fuck you finger lol

-How come everyone who smokes pot in movies is always constantly laughing and stoney balogne or just super hungry. It is not always like that and it’s annoying that it’s always portrayed as such.

-Wow Doctor, immediately abandon your patient for the girl you currently fancy.

-Aw poor Jackson is jealous.

-What the doctor can’t make a finger joke even though you just laughed at Sloane’s almost identical one?

-Oooo the sensual hand touch. Things are heating up!

-She clearly wants to stay, what now he is scared?

-I agree with his friend, do not go to a wedding with someone who has feelings for you if you’re not sure you feel the same way.

-Wow guys, way to self-sabotage.

-More red flags from the now newlyweds

-OHMYGOD HE CAME WITH HER AUNT?!!!! I have so many feels. Did he do it to make Sloane jealous? Is he really attracted to the aunt? Would the aunt really sleep with him?! 

-omg mom you are still so annoying

-Emma Roberts looks so hot in that dress

-Yup, confirmed, we both got feelings so this is over.

-They make a good team though...

-Haha mom’s mad they switched partners. I do love the aunt with the doctor though.

-Time for a dance off

-Wow Jackson really is just terrible on the dance floor.

-Next holiday and they are all at the same party again. Is Chicago really that small?

-That was sweet of Jackson to take Sloane home and OMG he called her dear! 

-OMG.NO. Laxatives?!

-No way! He is washing her!!! That’s romantic AF.

-He gave her THE LOOK

-He stayed the night....He totally loves her.

-Cue more self-sabotage from Sloane. “See you at Thanksgiving!” Yeah right...

-Can I just say how much I love that the boys are having the typical “girl talk” about their feelings. I do really like the way they switched the dynamic up on that one a bit. Honestly guys are just as likely, if not more, to be all caught up in their feelings than women.

-Jackson says “I’ve never been asked to leave before”. Oh of course you haven’t you sweet baby HIMBO!

-Christmas time again. Looks like the Aunt may have brought a date that’s secretly for mom lol

-Yup, I was right she is still holding on the fact that he said she was unattractive. HE.WAS.LYING.

-Of course he thinks she is beautiful! Fucking look at her!

-MORE SELF SABOTAGE SLOANE

-Ooo he called her out! yes!

-Sloane: “I wouldn’t call showing up outside of his door stalking” really? cuz I would...

-They bump into each other at the mall again because of course.

-It’s only a moment if you make it one. Glad she did!

-Nice fake out.

-They lived Happily Ever After...

Final Thoughts: This movie was super cute and I definitely laughed out loud a bunch of times.Would probably watch again but definitely not religiously. Still pretty mad about the MASSIVE amount of single shaming. Even the aunt ended up in a serious relationship at the end. I know it is nice to fall in love and have your person and everything but I don’t appreciate the amount of single shaming and continuing to perpetuate the idea that everyone has to be in a relationship to be happy when that is just simply not the case. Some people do well in relationship and some people do just as well on their own. Let people live their own lives how they want and stop pushing your  heterosexual agenda  on everyone. I say heterosexual agenda because this movie ONLY displayed heterosexual relationships (unless I missed something) and I rarely see this kind of pressure to be in a relationship in LGBTQ+ communities.

#holidate #christmasmovie #reactionpost #stopsingleshaming

[lyraeon]

Just saw a post that reminded me of this, so:

One of the weird things that I, a bi, have noticed about myself is my how my attraction is to real vs fictional people.

By this I mean, I always seem to wind up in an awkward corner any time someone starts a conversation about "waifus/husbandos" or any other "ok but ____ is hot" conversation with my friends: I will name off a string of girls with no issue, but kinda shrug when it comes to guys.

Overwatch is the easiest example cuz it's the game with the most people who aren't in spacesuits right now: it was actually faster for me to name off the ladies I wouldn't date if they asked me than the ones I would, by far. Like yeah, I'm able to list off my favorites quickly, then jokingly declare most the cast tied for fourth, but that's just it: even the ones I wouldn't smooch, I still think are good looking, just not my definition of attractive. Versus people start in on the equally large cast of men and I just... Shrug? I'm like yeah I'd go for Reinhardt if we were the same age, and Gabriel while he was still Gabriel, but Lúcio is the only guy in the game I'd ask out in his present existence, and when pressed about "really? No one else you'd even bang, nothing long term" I could only add McCree to the list. Meanwhile, all of the other male-attracted peeps in my group had lists that sounded like my list of ladies.

This phenomenon applies to most media I consume.

Now, I've talked about it this far before, and I've always known that this is in part the "all female characters are designed to be attractive" thing in action. But I've also often assumed it was because I've been in a relationship with a guy for so long that my brain has shut off the "looking for" switch on the guy side/at least turned the radar sensitivity down.

But then I see actors/internet guys that I find attractive and I'm like ok, what? It's still seldom the same ones I hear other girls talk about (usually my Bear friends are the only ones who'll agree on 80% of my choices) (I nearly wanted to fight someone in the YouTube comments a few days ago because someone said "doesn't This Guy kinda look like Other Guy" and someone else said "not really because Other Guy is actually good looking", which was also my revelation that I found This Guy attractive) but at the end of the day there are still definitely a good amount of guys that I do like.

Then somewhere in between admiring my boyfriend's smile the other night and seeing gifs of some of the guys I do like (particularly the ones other people do agree with me on), it occurred to me:

People don't really draw guys like the ones I like.

While there's exceptions, most the guys I find attractive are fluffy/husky, because I find excessive muscle definition uncomfortable but I've also never cared for guys I think I could break with one hand, on accident. That alone is hard to find - you go straight from Reinhardt to Roadhog in media, with even an ounce of fat being a detractor that automatically either makes you a villain or requires you to be funny to make up for it (and I've definitely had long talks about the body image issues this gives guys, well before any of this even came to mind). But I was surprised to realize how rare the other quality I've noticed I adore is, given how simple it is: a genuine smile. Not a smirk, not a scowl, not a shit eating grin, not any of those. Just a genuinely happy expression, bonus points for smiles that make their cheeks look like "kiss here" targets.

(If my boyfriend is reading this right now, he's probably thinking, "but I never smile", but nah babe you do smile, and if nothing else you smile at me a lot. And it makes your cheeks really cute and your eyes scrunch in this way that makes it really hard for me to stay sad around you.)

And I just wonder... Why? Why aren't fictional guys allowed to smile? Why do actors always make their characters' "smile"s be smug bastard smiles, and why does every male video game character have that same fucking stern/aloof expression or else a threatening grin?

(Hell, I even realized the few Overwatch guys I do like are the ones with genuine smiles, while the rest either have covered faces or the signature Hanzo aloof glower.)

I also realized this might contribute to how many fictional women I find attractive by comparison - girls are way more likely to be portrayed as smiling, after all. It helps that I have a much wider range of body types I like in women, but still.

So yeah. Content creators. Let your boys smile. Let them be cuddly without being funny to make up for it (or at least, without that being their only "good" quality). Let them be strong without looking like body builders. Those kinds of guys are great irl, and I think letting them see themselves in more roles than comic relief or romantic comedy leads who get the girl by merit of being less of an asshole than her fiance will be good for everyone. But regardless, let them smile!

/rant

[wtffundiefamilies]

redwhirlwind89 said:  Isn’t it gross? Doesn’t help that David and Priscilla look very much related. And blonde/pale like the Dollangangers from Flowers in the Attic. It must be like they did in Ancient Egypt…promote incest to keep the ‘good blood’ in the line.                           

I feel like now is the time to point out that the Dollangangars also did the one-letter theme, Duggars.

      redwhirlwind89

Okay, what the hell is it with these 'special' people and their random anniversaries?! Guys, wait three more months and just call it five years you bloody idiots! I know neither of you can figure out how to open a can of tuna but get a grip!

The only people I’ve ever known who did this were a couple I knew in high school.  We’re 15 years-ish out of high school now, they’re married and have since chilled (though they are still forever my IRL OTP <3 ) The fundies DO seem to be play-acting their first ever high school relationships in their marriages a lot.  Maybe that’s where it comes from. 

    undercoverduggarblog

phillip looks exactly like priscilla’s dad

He really does. 

      discussingtheduggarfam fundie-fun  

TL;DR but these two are so stinking cute about each other.

   miriten discussingtheduggarfam  

I guess that’s what happens when you meet and fall in love instead of being forced into a relationship?

Zach and Whitney really do seem more genuine about each other; most of the fundies seem to be acting the way they think married couples are supposed to.  I never thought about it relating to the fact that they met and got to know each other normally at least at first, without their parents hovering over them.  Whitney having a more normal upbringing (and little interest in converting to the Bates way of life) probably has something to do with it as well.

redwhirlwind89

I also think having no insurance has something to do with it, honestly. There's no way Bum Ben has good insurance for his family...they probably cannot afford a hospital birth.

That’s probably true as well.  I doubt Jill and Derick or Josh and Anna do either.  What is Ben even DOING as a job?  He sure seems to have a lot of free time.

noora7

Are they Indonesians? Hartono is an Indonesian last name.

I think so, yes.

devaleriola wtffundiefamilies  

Where’d you get that? Her face and her clothes are clean.

True; I’m probably being unfair.  Post-Jubilee fiasco I really stopped watching the show as regularly, and I sort of hold the family in my mind at the earlier stages of the show, when the kids would be running around looking disastrous.  I still shudder thinking of Jackson sitting on the floor with the bottoms of his feet jet black, eating spilled Cheerios off the disgusting floor (and he was like 6 at the time).  Shudder.  They’ve improved a bit since then (maybe because the youngest kids now are less likely to be rolling around in the mud and those who were are now too old for that shit).

      nothingelsemakessense

Is this shortly after they moved to DC? I think that's when Anna was at her loneliest, as she didn't have her sisters-in-law to keep her socialized and hadn't realized you can look outside the family for friends yet.

I think it was pretty soon after the move, so that makes sense. 

    redwhirlwind89

Haha, I do feel like poor Anna has so many psychological issues stemming from her not-so-great life that she would come to confide in a toddler.

In general, fundie motherhood seems to be about treating your daughters both as live-in help and “best friends” to dump all your crap on. 

nothingelsemakessense

I hate how they insist on saying what "most people do" as if they have the slightest idea of how people outside of their lifestyle live. They may have a slight idea of things that are done differently, but they have no concept of the day-to-day life of even mainstream conservative Christians.

All they know is what their parents and people in their parents’ mindset tell them, so I can only imagine what they envision.  Probably ritualistic Satanic sacrifices on parentless dates.

nothingelsemakessense

He's definitely too fragile for Jessa's style of humor.

I still don’t get how they ended up together.  He looks hurt and furious every time Jessa teases him, Jessa has little interest in the Donna Reed role he seems to want his wife to fill...eh, probably cuz she’s hot and she was desperate.

      nothingelsemakessense

It's probably from that "train up a child" Bible verse. I heard that one all the time. I've also heard a lot of Christian parents say "We trust you, it's him we don't trust" when a teenage daughter complains about dating rules.

I’ve heard that a lot in secular dating as well, but JFC, if you’re that hardcore religious you’re probably hand-picking your daughters’ dudes anyway.  Like...if JimBob doesn’t trust Ben, why would he be like “Yeah, you’re cool to marry my daughter” in the first place??

nothingelsemakessense

I've actually known a few couples who had their parents go on their honeymoon with them. My cousin even had them in an adjoining room.

Damn.  I never thought I’d look at the Duggar relationship model and go “Eh, could be worse.”

nothingelsemakessense

I hate people who don't understand what topics are good for discussion at a public place where children could be around.

I’m guessing they cleared the mini-golf course so they could film unimpeded and they wouldn’t have to be around women wearing pants or tank tops, therefore ruining Ben for life, but considering that Michelle abandoned Josie in the hospital to protest a convenience store selling beer because teh childrenz might see it...it is pretty goddamn hypocritical of them.

avatargirl1930

I hate this because he was probably 'working late' that night by banging some toothless prostitute.

Ugh, no doubt he ditched her many a time to browse Ashley Madison. 

devaleriola wtffundiefamilies  

She has the same stupid facial expressions as her mother-in-law

To this day I can’t figure out if she started directly imitating Michelle or she was just like this from the start and he was attracted to her because of it.  Either way it’s disturbing.

hiimana wtffundiefamilies  

If it was challenging for you and jim bob y'all should have stopped at 6 not kept going 😒

For real.  No, instead they decided to emotionally manipulate church members and train their daughters to take their place in the family.  MOTHER OF THE YEAR EVERYONE.

wonderfullywicked

"The first daughter is courting and we're more upset/annoyed that we'll be losing a maid than happy that she's courting." Was all I got from Michelle saying this when I first watched it

Undoubtedly true.  Michelle doesn’t seem to like her older daughters much anyway. 

[theemichelleb]

Love is Blind (Netflix) - Series review

Before we even go here… let me start by saying I absolutely HATE reality TV shows lol.

I kept hearing about Love is Blind and then some very close friends of mine had text messages waiting for me when I woke up one morning super hyped about it so I decided to give it a try.

When I say pure entertainment… whew baby, lol I was cracking up. Now, don’t get me wrong, the experiment seems super intense and valid, but I don’t know that I could go through that and then actually go through with the marriage at the end. That’s too permanent for me.

Warning! If you haven’t seen it and you’re interested but don’t want spoilers, stop reading now.

Love is Blind is a Netflix series that takes love and throws it into an experiment to test if mental and emotional ties can truly help a couple withstand the sands of time and the controversy of the world and push forward into Marriage after blindly dating for 10 days you pick someone out of a group of many that you connect with the most, the kicker is you’ve never seen them until after the blind proposal.

My overview of the couples and their storybook endings:

Carleton and Diamond… had to start with them. Carleton, my guy… you’ve definitely got some issues you need to work through. That blow up stemmed from things he hasn’t yet accepted within himself. I mean it’s fine if you’re bi-sexual or fluid (he used that term) and you’re worried your final decision to be with a woman may be met with resistance, but if you don’t first accept yourself for who you are and the past you chose to live nobody else will ever have the chance to. Neither of them were really like “beautiful” to me and they were both ghetto anyone. Not shocked they didn’t make it pass what 2 episodes… unfortunate the only black couple ended up like this. WOMP! I’m appreciative of their forgiveness and capability to make amends with each other both before and during the reunion. Carleton needs some healing still though, can see it all over his face!

Gigi and Damien… Whew chilly, the issues on these two. Gigi is too much, and I know one thing, I’m not arguing with my man or fiancé calling him a “motherfucker” in public so he can snatch my tail up… 1 that’s disrespectful as a partner, respect is given where it resides and 2 the guys I like are often bigger than me and that’s a battle I don’t want to have lol. I mean, cute idea Guess but he has no backbone and she’s crazy. Good thing they didn’t get married cuz that would have been disastrous. Damien said no, and he was truly the savior of that situation. They’re actually dating now, and seems like Gigi has grown a great deal and they’re better than they were just jumping into marriage. Go them!

Kelly and Kenny… absolutely adorable… so adorable in fact they make me want to go to sleep. It’s strange how many unconventional things they have in common. For example the fact that both sets of parents met, dated, and married within knowing their respective spouses less than 6 months. I mean, they seem to be a really great fit for one another. Kelly said no however and I mean… okay, lol. I don’t know they didn’t do anything for me, Kenny was lit though, he has so much class. Kelly seems to be battling herself and upset about how she let things play out, jokes on you sis.

Mark and Jessica… talk about a train wreck… Jessica is the absolute WORST, and poor little Mark. I’m actually ridiculously tired of her whining about Barnett not choosing to be with her, and the kicker is Mark doesn’t even realize he’s the rebound guy. He’s so hopeful, it’s cute but sickening and I feel really bad for him because he’s trying to be married to somebody that would absolutely hire him as the help. And he really thinks she has physical issues because there’s no connection… no baby she is attracted to somebody else that is NOT you. She’s still trying to get with Barnett who is happily attracted to his own disarray with Amber. Not to mention her disgust with the fact that he’s 10 years younger than her. I’m glad she said no and didn’t go through with marrying him just because. They both need something other than one another. I’m also glad she appalled herself with her actions throughout her time in the experiment because he was just a hot mess.

Amber and Barnett… I’m not really sure how I feel about these two other then thinking Barnett was curious and afraid of Amber. Now, I think they’re a cute couple, but Barnett caused too much drama to be this corky little white boy that now wants to take on the task of caring for this girl that has no sense of responsibility or a stable job. Ma’am, I’m confused how you’re surviving. I’d have an anxiety attack if I walked in her shoes, but hey if he likes it I love it. They’re both a little confused about Love but what they are perfectly clear on is Jessica is a nut job and that sad, sad girl doesn’t know how to let go. Barnett made the wrong decision whispering sweet nothings in her ear because his fiancé will rock the socks off that poor little 34 year old. One of the two couples I really thought would go through with the wedding and they did. Marriage looks good on them, seems like they had their struggles and came out success on the other side of things. Good for them!

Lauren and Cameron… ALTHOUGH, I’m a strong advocate for black love and keeping it in the melanated realm, these two surprised me. They’re both adorable and interesting, Cameron obviously loves black women, because I mean look at us. Lauren is just as fabulous as she wants to be and she is not here for the games or “fairytale” of it all. She was clearly for something which brought her here but luckily she found her perfect match and they are definitely making it work! Her dad did not come to play games, however, and was the epitome of what most black children fear when choosing to bring home someone of the milk complexion. I’ve never dated outside of my race, so I don’t have that fear lol but I know it’s real for some people and that’s why. I think they’re DOPE for pushing forward in spite of Papa Speed’s rock solid demeanor, I mean he did agree to see where this road takes them so he’s not COMPLETELY against Cameron, and he was even in tears when he saw his babygirl in her wedding dress… almost had me crying with them like I was in the room. They said yes and I’m happy they made it. They look so happy and like the struggles of an interracial marriage aren’t weighing on them in a destructive manner. They gave me life, and hope lol

This show was interesting overall. I don’t know that I could put myself in that predicament and go through with the wedding, however. I mean I wouldn’t mind experiencing the trip without the “I do” at the end LOL, but actually saying yes? I really wouldn’t understand unless I experienced it which is something they all said. Could be they’re just amazing actors but something tells me they all genuinely went through these emotional twists and turns.

Anyway, check it out if you want, if nothing else you’ll get some really amazing laughs. I definitely did, LOL. If you have seen it or go watch, let me know what your thoughts are below! I’d love to read.

Be D.O.P.E.

[btstrashxoxox]

Fake Love pt.3

Jimin AU, 1.7k

It was finally Sunday and you were giddy with excitement. Yes, you knew it wasn’t a real date, but it was basically the same thing. Sun was in the shower taking her sweet time while you waited outside yelling at her to hurry up, grabbing your towels.

You ended up going to her house so you two could prepare for your dates. Plus that’s where Jimin and Jungkook were going to pick you two up, so you both decided it’d be better if you just went over.

Sun finally stepped out of the bathroom in her towel and you quickly made your way there to grab your shower and you know do your business.

After about an hour, the two of you were almost ready. Clothes were flung around the room, (typical girls’ room when we get ready to go out ;D ) the different combinations just didn’t pass Sun’s or your approval.

You guys were putting on your makeup and you were doing your eye liner when you realized: “I don’t know why I’m even spending so much time on my eyes. They’re just going to be hidden by my glasses in the end anyway.” You sigh, putting down your eyeliner. Looking over at Sun, you turn around and lean against the dresser.

“Nah, trust me you look bomb with the liner with and without your glasses.” She turned towards you and winked before continuing to apply her lipstick. You smile, shaking your head. What would you do without her.

Getting off the dresser you walk towards the bed and sit clutching your stomach filled with nervous butterflies. You were starting to get nervous since the time Jimin was supposed to come came closer and closer.

“Fuck I’m getting nervous” you let out smiling weakly at the girl in front of you.

Sun turns towards you finishing up her makeup. “Same. But hey, it’ll be worth it at the end,” walking towards you she bends down and grabs your hand, playing with your fingers. “Kind of excited though…” she looks up at you and grins and you couldn’t help, but agree.

The door bell, at last, rings and you find your smile slipping from your face, your nervousness getting the best of you.

“Oh god, they’re here. I look okay right?!” you get up, pulling her up with you.

“You look great babe, what about me?” Sun looks at you, the worry shown on her face.

“Perfect.” You squeeze her hands. “Okay Sunny, let’s do this.” You give her an attempt of a reassuring smile and the two of you leave her room to greet the hotties downstairs hehe.

Climbing down the stairs you caught a view of the two males in front of the doorway greeting Sun’s mother, looking well like I said HOT. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from Jimin who looked absolutely ravishing in his black ripped jeans and blue shirt with a black blazer draped over his shoulders.

And there was Jungkook there wearing his signature white shirt (though may I say that this one actually fit snugly lool) with a blue blazer on top paired with some dark blue jeans.

Sun pulls your hand and drags you down the rest of the stairs, cause let’s be honest who the hell can walk properly with two ridiculously attractive men in front of you ~swooon

Jimin then looks up towards you two his eyes trailing over the two of you and smiling.

“There they are!” Jungkook grins widely and raises his arms. “There’re the beautiful women.”

You just laugh while Sun, beside you, blushes and squeezes your hand. “You don’t look too bad yourself.” She retorts back, and then it was his turn to blush.

You smile and then look over at Jimin who had an unreadable expression on his face. You let out a “hey” and he snaps his head towards you and smiles back.

“Hey! He’s right, you two do look great.” And you immediately blush and look down thinking omg he thinks I look good and the butterflies in ur stomach just explode.

Suns just grinning at you before she claps her hands and goes “Oh it’s your first time meeting right?!” and she grabs Jimin’s hand and Jungkook’s hand and brings them together forcing them to shake hands.

“This is Jimin, my other amazing and important best friend, and this is Jungkook, a co-worker and really good friend of mine.” And she looks up at Jungkook giving him a sweet smile that just takes his breath away.

The two shake hands and you can’t help, but notice the small, wry smile on Jimin’s face.

“Okay kids, now you know the drill, be safe and keep your phones on you in case of an emergency. BYE!” and Sun’s mom pushes you four out the door after making the two boys promise to take care of you two and you yell out a “Bye Mrs. Lee!”.

The plan was to take Jungkook’s car to a restaurant that was nearby.

Jungkook opens the passenger seat and motions for Sun to go in going all “M’lady.” And you just grin madly seeing Sun getting all shy muttering a thank you and getting in the car.

And then you look over at Jimin to see him staring over at them too with a sort of frown on his face before he opens the door and gets in, you following feeling quite confused towards Jimin’s quietness.

Once the car starts moving you look over at Jimin next to you and feel slightly guilty.

Did he not want to come out tonight?

The thought made you feel horrible and so you nudge him softly.

“I know this was all sudden and I’m sorry you’re being forced to do this with me.” You let out quietly.

And he immediately widens his eyes and goes “No, no of course not! I mean I said yes, I agreed to it. This isn’t forced at all!”

And you can’t help the feeling of relief going through you as you smile at him.

At the restaurant, you guys are all sitting at your table eating your meals.

Jungkook and Sun are seriously hitting it off and you cudnt have been more proud of your best friend.

On the other hand…. Well, let’s just say it’s been pretty quiet with Jimin. He didn’t talk much and whenever you tried to strike a conversation with him, he’d reply sweetly and quickly and that was about it.

You were slightly sad to say the least, and Sun noticed.

“Hey (Y/N) I have to go to the bathroom, come with me?” and you quickly nodded and got up. “We’ll be back!” she let out and the two of you left to the bathroom.

“Wats going on Y/N? You two have been so quiet.” She clasped onto your hand, once in the bathroom.

“I know… I don’t know Sun I don’t think this was a good idea. He really doesn’t seem to be enjoying himself, and it just… it feels awkward.”

“Nonsense Y/N! Maybe it’s just because Jungkook and I are there? How about this; I’ll tell Jungkook, after we leave the restaurant, to drop us all off at my house and then I’ll make Jimin walk you to your house!”

“What?! No! You can’t leave me alone with him! It’ll be so awkward.”

“Uh uh, no Y/N, you need to be able to talk to him alone if you want to date him in the end right?! Come on sweetie you can do this!” and she squeezes your hand with encouragement.

Looking down, you softly reply an okay.

Walking out of the bathroom, you see Jungkook talking to Jimin happily, a cute bunny smile on his face, while Jimin was smiling at him.

“Ouh they seem like they’re getting along. That’s a relief.” Sun whispers to you.

“Of course they would, Jungkook’s a sweetheart and damn you two have been hitting it off.”

And the Sun looks at you with a small, shy smile. “I know, I’m so happy.”

And you squeeze her hand.

Out of the restaurant and arriving at Sun’s house, Sun turns towards you and Jimin with a huge smile.

“Hey Jiminie, can you walk Y/N to her place? It’s dark out and we want to make sure she stays safe yeah?”

“Oh I can drop you off if you want Y/N.” Jungkook lets out looking at you.

“Oh no!” Jungkook and Jimin both look at Sun, surprised. “It’s just… I thought we could talk a bit more…” she says shyly looking down. And Jungkook’s heart burst.

“It’s fine Jungkook, I’ll bring her back. That’s supposed to be my job for tonight anyway.” And Jimin looks over at you smiling lightly causing your heart to burst.

Out of the car and walking towards your home, you two walk in silence.

The night was beautiful, the moon shining in the sky with crickets chirping away.

Clearing your throat you look up at Jimin, not being able to handle the silence any longer.

“Jimin?”

“Hm?” He looks down at you.

“Everything okay?” It was strange. Over the past few months that you’ve known and talked to Jimin, he has never been this quiet. The boy’s always bubbling with cheerfulness and kindness. The fact that he barely spoke a word all night was just surprising and worrying.

He didn’t say anything for a minute and you let him be, not wanting to push him into being uncomfortable.

“Can I tell you something?” he finally muttered.

“Of course!” You reply. Then gathering all the courage you have, you slowly reach out and take his hand in yours.

Fuck it was so soft and warm.

He looks at you immediately and smiles. “Thank you… It’s… It’s about Sun.”

Looking at the confusion on your face he chuckles. “What about her? About Jungkook you mean? You didn’t like him?”

“No, no!” Jungkook was sweet. He’s a good guy.” And then so soft, you almost missed it, you hear “That’s the problem.”

A feeling of dread starting to pool in your stomach, you reply. “Wh-what do you mean.”

Jimin sighs. “You know how we met right? Me and Sun? I was being bullied by these other guys when Sun came in and helped me. I remember how cool she looked and instantly she became one of the most important people in my life.” He pauses and you squeeze his hand to continue. “As the years passed… she… she started to become more than just a hero to me. I.. I started liking her.”

You held your breath.

“For the 15 years I’ve known her… I fell so deep for her, and seeing her with Jungkook… fuck it bothers me so much.”

Your heart shattered.

AN: HEYYYY holy fuck its been so longgggggggggggggggg IM SO SORRRYYY been out a lot cuz its summer vacation for me rn BUT HERE IT ISS PART 3!! Plz read my post before this if ur like wtf is up with her style of writing all of a sudden :) its my first time actually writing something like this so I hav no idea how exavtly I like to write, wat im most comfortable with. Basically I havnt discovered my style yet but im sure thatll happen along the way :) im sorry if it doesn’t meet any of ur tastes :( I LOVE YOU!!!! once again dnt hesitate to ask me any questions or any comments its appreciated and rlly helps in motivating me :) <333

[profondaf]

I seen someone post this as asks but I’ll just fill em all our cuz I’m bored

Asexuality Asks!

1. When did you know that you were asexual?

Like; 9th grade I knew I was different; summer before 11th I knew, so like 2/3 years ago.

2. How do you define asexuality for yourself?

Man, I just don’t feel like I wanna have sex my dude, like ever, even when I was in a relationship it kinda felt like a chore, v overrated 1 star on yelp

3. What is your romantic orientation?

Heteromantic

4. What is your full orientation?

Heteromantic, cisgender, asexual

5. Do you like sex?

Nah

6. Do you like romance?

Depends

7. Would you be in a romantic relationship?

Yeh

8. Would you be in a sexual relationship?

Eh

9. Would you be in a platonic relationship?

YE BOI

10. Describe your attraction to men?

I think they’re like cute and I like their hugs and cuddles and like yeah

11. Describe your attraction to women?

Man they’re pretty but I just wanna be friends ya dig

12. Hugs or kisses?

HUG

13. Preferred kisses to receive?

Cheek?

14. Preferred kisses to give?

Cheek?

15. Favorite thing about being asexual?

I don’t masturbate, I master DEBATE YE BOIIII

16. Least favorite thing about being asexual?

“Hehehe so like do you masturbate? I figured since ur asexual you’d be okay with letting me experiment with you? You just haven’t met the right person :)”

17. Worst thing someone has said to you about your identity?

“Since your asexual can you let me experience the with you because I’m bi and have never been with a girl”

18. Best thing someone has said to you about your identity?

“man shES NOT INTERESTED IN SLEEPING WITH HOT PEOPLE LET ALONE YOU WILL YOU FUCK OFF” -crane operator fending off annoying guy at my work

19. Animal or human companion? If so, what kind or who?

Human, squad

20. Character you see as asexual?

Idk doctor

21. Historical figure you see as asexual?

BABERAHAM LINCOLN

22. Cake?

Neh

23. Dogs?

Meh

24. Cats?

Meh

25. If you could pick an animal to represent your asexuality, what would it be?

Bear because they aren’t like always banging, you rarely see a bear getting it on, and they’re just chill until you fuck with em and same

26. If you could pick a color to represent your asexuality, what would it be?

White?

27. Favorite romantic song turned platonic in your head?

OUR SONG BY TAYTAY

28. Favorite platonic song?

Oath by Cher lloyd

29. Person you would love to be in a platonic relationship with?

Um Chris pratt

30. Do you consider yourself LGBTQA?

Meh

31. You are awesome.

Heck ye

32. Literary character you see as asexual?

Tbh jasper from twilight gave me vibes

33. Asexual headcanon?

@me

34. You are LGBT.

Sure