#cue 'that was fast' again xD

[robinine-blog]

I'm having feelings over Trolls Band Together.

That movie has taken up refuge in my brain and I can't help but plotting, because I've already read all the sad brotherly feelings fics on AO3 and I have ideas, that I have no idea how to write

So plot bunny:

Branch gets hit by the Sap/pollen of a Forget-me-lots, takes one confused look at the Snack Pack, and runs off into the forest

Poppy panicks because oh no! Her boyfriend is going to lose all his memories if they don't fix this fast

Poppy and pack spends the morning trying to catch Branch, who keeps running away from them, and starts setting traps

Poppy gets the bright idea to use Floyd as Branch-bait... which works... until Branch escapes and troll-naps Floyd

Floyd gets carted around the forest by Branch, who keeps acting surprised that his brother is there, and won't let Floyd go or even shout or help because Branch knows he's being hunted and he's convinced the Burgens are going to get them.

Floyd is more worried that his baby bro is currently grey than the fact he's being carried around Pop forest by a paranoid brother.

Branch keeps referring to his notebook, gathering items, and muttering to himself

Branch tricks the Snack Pack so he can get back into his Bunker with Floyd, and after a little bit Branch goes Blue again and decides to eject Floyd from the bunker with the words he's sure Poppy will take care of him.

By this time, the rest of Branch's brothers have clued in something is wrong, even if Poppy is trying not to worry them.

So 2nd day and they're all trying to catch Branch. No luck catching him, but Branch's traps catch them out a few times and Branch always comes to check before wandering off again.

The brothers work out that Branch isn't losing his memory over time, he's switching between different points in his personal history, so one moment they might have 5yo Branch, then 25yo, then 12yo etc, because he keeps reacting to them differently: sometimes he is gushing because he's so excited they're back, sometimes he just so angry he's yelling at them, and usually it involves some form of "I haven't seen you for x years"

Branch also completely confuses anyone he talks to, because he doesn't know them but he seems to know too much.

3rd day, and Poppy's got the entire village involved. Massive campaign to catch Branch somehow, it's not like he can escape the whole village is it?

Branch turns up around sunset, streaming hot mug in hand, back to normal.

"What? You think I haven't been hit by Forget-me-lots before?"

All the different versions of Branch has been gathering, preparing and cooking the ingredients for the cure, and he's been avoiding them because he didn't trust anyone else to make it, with his trusty notebook telling him what stage he's at, and what's happened.

Cue a wtf

XD

[ramblingoak]

Sliding Home

I couldn’t stop thinking about Secondo in a baseball uniform so this fic happened xD Now with bonus Ghaseball Secondo art by @tasty-ribz !

Secondo x Female Reader

Warnings: baseball innuendos, smut, nsfw 18+ only mdni, 2,800 words

“You want me to what?”

“Uh, well it’s not so much me as it’s the cler—“

“Don’t I pay you to get me out of stupid shit like this?”

“Technically I think Imperator pay—“

“You want me to make a fool of myself like the Rat did?”

“Actually it was pretty popular onli—“

“I don’t give a fuck how many hits, likes or whatever the fuck else that stupid event got Copia. I’m not fucking doing it.”  You winced and bit your lip, trying to decide how to break the news to him.  “Sorella, the answer is no.”

“Alright, so you’re going to walk out the tunnel. Cue the music, applause and the scr—,” The force of Secondo’s glare made you stumble over your words for a moment, so you turned your back to him and continued, “—eaming. Then it’s just a quick jog to the mound, a wave to the crowd and you uh, you know. Throw the ball.”

You spun around with a huge smile on your face but his continued glare caused it to falter.  Why he needed to be such a grump about everything you had no idea. This whole “ghaseball” endeavor had been a giant pain in the ass.  You sighed and put your hands on your hips, trying to match his glare. 

“Papa, please just…try?  For me?”

“For you?”  You nodded, trying to bat your eyelashes but he just raised an eyebrow at your attempt. “What do I get, sorella?”

“Well, you get to keep the uniform.”

“Go on.”

“And you know, please the fans. They always love seeing you.”

“Keep going.”

“I think the pitcher might sign a ball for you, I can as—“

Secondo growled and stood up, only needing to take a few steps before he was in your space.  You were in trouble here, it was no secret you were attracted to him. Whether he was in his papal robes or one of his fitted suits you couldn’t help but sweep your eyes over his body appreciatively. But in the baseball uniform?

Lucifer’s balls he was hot. 

“Here’s what I want, sorella,” His hand came up to cup your chin, the smooth leather was warm and it felt so good you had to fight to keep from whimpering.  “You.”

“What?”

He smirked down at you, rubbing his thumb back and forth across your chin. 

“Don’t play coy, I’ve seen the way you look at me.  I’m supposed to ignore it when a beautiful woman keeps ogling me?”

“I haven’t been ogling you.”

“You’ve been practically drooling ever since I put this damned costume on.”

“It’s not a costume, it's a uniform.”

His gloomy demeanor broke for a moment, you saw his frown nearly turn into a smile but before you could yell ‘ah ha!’ in his face he leaned down and kissed you.  It was a little embarrassing how fast you melted against him, but the smug bastard was right and you’d been ogling him for months. You threw your arms around his neck and his own slid around you to grip your ass, lifting you up from the floor briefly. 

The moment was over far too quickly. As soon as your feet touched back down he pulled his mouth away. The black on his lips was practically gone and you assumed it had transferred to your own.  You jumped when someone banged on the locked room door shouting that Papa had five minutes. 

“Shit, shit shit shit.” 

You slipped away from him and scrambled over to your bag for some wipes and his paints. When you turned he had already sat down on one of the benches and remained still as you cleaned him up and reapplied everything.  His eyes stayed focused on your face while you worked and you did your best to avoid meeting them, you didn’t have any time to get distracted again. 

“Alright, you’re good to go.”  

Secondo slowly rose from the bench, continuing to stare you down. You cleared your throat and pretended to fiddle with the makeup case. Another knock on the door and he had two minutes left before it was showtime. 

“Don’t forget to wave at the crowds and stop to take a few pictures.  Oh!  I almost forgot.”

You turned back to your bag and pulled the last piece of his uniform out, a black leather baseball hat.  He didn’t mirror your smile but he still took it and resignedly put it on his head.  Your smile only grew and you didn’t even care anymore if he didn’t return it. The sight of your Papa in this uniform was going to fuel your fantasies for years.

Oh fuck it, you might as well live out your fantasy if he was offering. 

“I’ll just uh, be here when you’re done.”

“What’s wrong with your eye?”

“My eye?  Wha—I’m winking!”

When a small smirk appeared on his face you growled and flung a hand out to smack his shoulder. Secondo easily caught it and used it to yank you against his chest once more. Another knock on the door and a frantic shout that they needed him had you trying to push him away, but he just held you tighter and brushed his lips against your ear. 

“Be ready.”

He pulled away and waited for a response, but you couldn’t get any words to leave your mouth. All you managed was a thumbs up, squeaking when he leaned down and nibbled on the tip. The door to the locker room burst open then and Secondo pulled away, quickly turning and stalking out of the locker room to head onto the field.  You stayed frozen in place, only moving to touch up your own makeup when you heard the roar of the crown. 

You probably should’ve followed him out there, but he was an adult and could handle himself. Also you were nervous as fuck and Secondo would never forgive you if you threw up on the field. So instead you wiped his paint off your face, touched up your makeup and waited.  The click of your heels echoed in the empty locker room as you paced end to end.  

He should’ve been done by now but they were probably keeping him around for photos and autographs.  You hoped he was spending some time talking to the fans.  Secondo always underestimated his popularity, especially with younger fans of the band.  Something about his grim demeanor appealed to toddlers.  You had asked him about it once before, but he had just cryptically said something about toddlers being closer to the devil at that age. 

Whatever the fuck that meant. 

You resigned yourself to another lap of the room when the door burst open making you yelp. Secondo marched inside, closing the door firmly behind him and stared at you, neither one of you saying anything for a few moments. While you really wanted to ask him how it went you also really wanted to kiss him. Thankfully he seemed to have the same idea, closing the distance between you quickly and capturing your mouth in a searing kiss. 

This time when his hands slid down to cup your ass he lifted you up and kept you in the air.  You slid your legs around his waist as best you could in your skirt, moaning when his belt rubbed against your silk covered cunt. He growled and started moving across the room, fumbling a door open and kicking it closed behind you both.  Secondo didn’t stop until you felt him lower you onto a desk, pulling his mouth away to look into your eyes. 

You were both panting, out of breath from kissing. His makeup was ruined again, as was his hair. The hat had fallen off at some point and you needed to remember to grab it before you left. He would definitely be wearing this uniform again, even if it was just for you. 

“Sorella…”

His voice was heavy with lust and the sound went right to your core.  He remained still, looking into your eyes and you knew he was waiting for permission to keep going.  You smirked and reached for his belt, deftly undoing it and then working on the fly of his pants.  When he still didn’t move you looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. 

“Are you going to just stand there or are you going to fuck me?”

Secondo chuckled, shoving your hands away and then dropping to his knees between your legs. 

“Don’t worry sorella, I’ll fuck you.”  He shoved your skirt up, bunching it at your waist so he could grab your panties and slide them down your legs.  His hands pressed against the inside of your thighs, pushing them apart to expose you completely to him. “But first I’m going to taste you.  Ok?”

“Yeah, ok. I mean. Yes. Please.”

You placed your hands behind you and leaned back a bit, your eyes never leaving his face. His own gaze was on your cunt and you could see the hunger on his face.  You could feel yourself getting wetter as he exhaled against you. When his tongue finally touched your flesh you let out a deep moan and fell flat against the desk. 

Secondo’s tongue began to roughly lap at you.  Sliding back and forth from your entrance to your clit. He was relentless, never letting up the pressure and only pressing harder against you when you started to squirm. His arms slid around your thighs to help anchor you but your legs still kicked uncontrollably as he worked you over with his mouth. 

When he closed his lips over your clit and sucked you had to slap a hand over your mouth to try and stay quiet.  His tongue flicked against it roughly while it was in his mouth, at the same time a gloved hand moved from its place on your thigh and you felt two thick fingers start to rub around your entrance. There was barely any resistance as they pushed into you and that must’ve pleased him because he growled as he started to pump them in and out of you. 

The wet sounds of him fucking and licking you filled the room.  You could barely think straight, overwhelmed with the pleasure he was giving you. When he pulled his fingers out you whimpered at the loss, but he soon replaced them with his tongue and felt like you were going to black out. He lapped at your inner walls, moaning at the taste. His nose rubbed against your clit as he buried his face against you. When his lips closed over your entrance and he sucked, your orgasm crashed into you, leaving you a shuddering mess before him. 

While the aftershocks rippled through you he lapped at your cunt lazily, cleaning up the traces of your release.  You heard him groan as he stood up and you opened your eyes to watch him. His face was smeared with his paint and your juices, a feral grin letting you know he couldn’t be happier.  

Secondo gave your thighs a squeeze before he brought his hands to his fly, finishing the work you had started. His cock instantly sprung free, red and leaking at the tip. You licked your lips as you watched the bead of precum gather there.  He grinned even wider when he noticed where your attention was. 

“Don’t worry, sorella. You’ll get a taste soon.”  He moved closer between your legs, rubbing his cock up and down your cunt. You gasped every time it caught at your entrance.  “Are you ready for me to fuck you?”

“Yes, please. I’ve been ready.”  He continued to tease you, seemingly content to make you beg some more. You groaned and tried to push against it but he placed his hands on the top of your thighs to keep you still. “Fuck Secondo, just slide home already.”

You instantly realized what you said and froze. 

“Mi scusi?  What did you just say?”

“Nothing. Now fuck me.”  

You growled when he easily prevented you from moving.  The tip of his cock was resting right at your entrance and you were going to scream if he didn’t start fucking you soon. 

“Slide home?  What the fuck does that mean?”

“Goddammit, it’s a baseball thing.”  You threw one of your arms over your eyes and waved your free hand at him. “Come on, you slide home. You score a point. You shove your dick in me.”

“What is your obsession with this sport?”

“Does it matter right now?!”  

Secondo made a humming sound, gently beginning to flex his hips a bit.  You nibbled on your lip when he pressed deeper inside you little by little.  After a few moments you moved your arm so you could watch, once more entranced by the sight of him in the baseball uniform. 

Ok so maybe you were ogling him. 

“Satanas, you are so tight. It’s exquisite.”  You both groaned when his hips met yours, his cock buried as deep as it could go.  The stretch was so good you nearly felt like crying.  He seemed to sense your thoughts, quietly shushing you as he gazed down where you were joined. 

“Secondo, plea—ah!”

Your begging was interrupted by him pulling out until just his tip was in you and then slowly pushing back in. It was too much but also not enough and you clung to the edge of the desk behind you as his thrusts grew faster. The pleasure was so good it almost hurt and you nearly wailed when he brought his thumb to rub against your clit. 

“That’s it, sorella. Take it. Take my cock.”  

His speed increased until he was roughly snapping his hips forward right when his cock was about to leave you.  A slow pull out followed by a hard shove back in.  At each push back into you the breath was punched out of your body and you found yourself taking gasping breaths between your moans. 

Secondo wasn’t unaffected. You could hear him growling out Italian words under his breath. His eyes were locked onto where he was disappearing into your body, mesmerized by how you were stretching to accommodate him.  It wasn’t long before you could feel his thrusts getting erratic and he began to rub your clit harder, trying to get you to come again. 

You held out as long as you could, mostly because you wanted him to come first, but your body couldn’t take the pleasure and another orgasm was soon moving through you. Secondo wasn’t far behind. He slowed down a bit to gently fuck you through your orgasm, but as soon as you gave him a little nod he picked up the pace again. He let out a deep growl when his orgasm hit and you could feel his cock twitch as he released inside of you. 

Neither one of you moved for a moment. Secondo’s hands were braced on either side of you as he caught his breath. You closed your eyes and whimpered when he straightened up and pulled out.  When you blinked your eyes open after a moment you noticed he was staring down at your cunt and you could feel his release start to trickle out of you. 

“What are you doing?”  

He shushed you and moved a hand to your thigh, rubbing and squeezing the flesh there before sliding it to your cunt.  He clicked his tongue and then slid his fingers through your swollen flesh, pushing two of them back inside of you. You groaned as he did it a few more times, pushing his release back inside and rubbing it along your walls. When he seemed satisfied he brought his fingers to his mouth, sucking on them both before sliding them out with a pop. 

“You’ve ruined me, you know?”

“Have I?”  There was zero remorse in his voice and you rolled your eyes. He held his hands out for you and then pulled you up to sit at the edge of the desk when you took them. “That was not my intention.”

Secondo took a step back to pull his pants up and then leaned down to collect your panties. As you slipped them back on you remembered why you were there in the first place and you grabbed his hand. 

“Hey, how’d it go out there?”

“Out where?”

“The field, how did the pitch go?”  He winced and you decided not to push him any further.  You hopped off the desk and straightened your skirt, taking his hand again and smiling up at him.  “How about you change and we’ll go watch the rest of the game?”

“I’d rather not.”

“I’ll buy you some crackerjacks and I’ll let you keep the prize.”

“I don’t know what that means, but fine. We can go watch.”

You whooped and pumped your fist into the air, slapping the palm of your other hand on his ass as you started to walk by.  He caught your arm before you got too far and spun you back around so you landed against his chest.  You ignored his frown and lifted up onto your toes to give him a quick kiss, grinning as you pulled away and winked at him. 

“Go team.”

My Masterlist ~ My Archive of Our Own ~ My Tip Jar

[ginkuki]

The way my mind INSTANTLY played Fantasy when I read the title 😌👌 Now I have to listen to the whole album again

I love the duality of this is loving and this is despicable xD Could I ask about these two?

HOO darky you really asked for it this time, SO!!!! these two wips are based on the same prompt but with different outcomes. as you would expect, 'this is loving' is tender and sweet and 'this is despicable' is the gaalees going through torment simply because i asked myself what if. prepare yourself for a long response...

'this is despicable' spawned first in conversation with @bayheart - what if lee got hit with a sleeper agent jutsu that led to him destroying suna once he returned home from a mission (in this universe, the gaalees are married and lee is living in suna), and the only option was for gaara to have to fight him? well. this. gaara realises just how much lee holds himself back normally, and that he can't bring himself to hurt him properly.

'this is loving' spawned when we got too upset at our own concept and we decided to make an alternate universe where this Did Not happen to lee, and instead he returned to find gaara had not coped with them being apart for so long. gaara is going Through it. cue body worship smut times.

they both start with the exact same scene but take on some divergence once lee gets home.

without further ado.... snippets under the cut....

i will say now - both need tws. the first for violence, the second for weight discussions

'this is despicable'

He rolls out of the way of Lee’s fist, but it still strikes the ground hard enough for the resounding shockwave to tear at his eardrums. New deafness greets his left ear when he suna-shunshins back to gain more objectivity. Space for thought.

Nothing comes to him in the split second he has before Lee catches up.

This isn’t something Gaara can mastermind his way out of - Lee’s attack style is unlike anything he’s ever faced in earnest, not since the last and only time they fought, again, in earnest. Quickness usually lends itself to lightness, and Lee might be light on his feet, yes, but he’s powerful too. Every blow is a tsunami, drowning Gaara, depriving his brain of oxygen, and the longer he withstands this, the more he worries he won’t be able to outlast Lee.

His stamina means nothing if Lee pounds him into a pulp first.

“Lee, please, you aren’t yourself! Listen to me!” He shouts, forearm barely blocking another punch so solid his bones protest. “Lee!”

Face torturously, vilely blank, Lee’s teeth tear at the bandages over his hands, and Gaara knows where this is headed. Still, the kick to his chin takes him off guard. His head snaps back, his teeth clacking together hard enough to rattle, and blood fills his mouth as gravity forgets it should have an effect on him.

With every punch, his thoughts grow muzzier. It becomes easier to accept his inevitable fate. Lee’s going to kill him, and Gaara hasn’t even had the strength to hit him back once.

But.

Maybe he doesn’t need to.

A palmful of armour detaches, spraying out with pinpoint precision to wind up in Lee’s eyes. It’s only a split second of distraction, but it’s long enough for Gaara to form the hand signs needed to substitute himself with a sand clone before bandages begin to wind around his torso. While Lee’s trying to snap a false Gaara’s neck, Gaara stands back with his trembling arms raised.

The Reverse Lotus doesn’t leave much room for peripherals, but even so, the flash of lighting would surely raise the alarm.

As he watches a mirror-image of himself and his lover crash headfirst into the ground, a sand dome snaps down to cover them. Then, praying he’s fast enough, Gaara places both palms on the outside and pulses lightning into it. Glass spiderwebs across the surface, molten silica heating and shifting to create a glass dome that’s enough to trap even the likes of Lee inside.

Lee slowly comes into focus inside, staring unfeelingly at the crumbling remains of Gaara’s clone.

The sand clone reforms, wrapping around Lee’s legs. Even to Gaara’s own eye, it’s pathetic. His own mouth moves, his own face dragged down with pain, his own eyes welling with tears, and Lee does nothing except meet Gaara’s real eye on the outside.

Gaara reads his own lips.

‘My love, please, stop.’

‘Listen to me, you have to snap out of this.’

‘Come back to me, please. I can’t stand to hurt you.’

It’s what he’d say if he were in there himself, but even that isn’t enough when Lee’s fist shoots out to crush sand-Gaara’s head mid-plea. Lee’s still watching the real Gaara. Only the real Gaara, with nothing at all behind his eyes. No memories of their love, no recognition. Nothing.

The oxygen inside will run out soon. Gaara only hopes he knows the right moment to let Lee breathe again.

'this is loving'

The Kazekage’s living quarters are found not too far from the office. Around the softly angled sandstone walls, it’s completely still but Lee knows ANBU are lingering. Even if he did know where to cast his gaze, he wouldn’t see them. They recognise him, though, even dirtied and exhausted from travel, and let him pass without so much as a flicker.

And Gaara, lovely Gaara, is waiting patiently outside the front door. He sits amongst small jungle of cacti, all potted in fine earthenware and laid around a wooden bench Lee brought from Konoha, where it’s impossible to breathe without stumbling across a master woodworker.

Lovely Gaara, though it is not Gaara in entirety, not as Lee left him.

The shadows at his temples, beneath his cheeks, under his eyes, seem deeper. The pallor to his skin is wrong, his hair looking thin. Lustreless. Lee’s spent years undoing the work of Gaara’s tireless youth, but they’ve crept back. A weed has grown while he’s been absent, unplucked convolvulus roots spreading to the surface.

Without even having removed Gaara’s coat, Lee knows he’ll be finding more ribs than he left.

He tries for a smile. Maybe it falls flat, he thinks, when Gaara ducks his head. The flesh underneath his chin doesn’t crease like it did a month ago.

This isn’t the time to be worried. It’s been so long since he’s seen Gaara’s smile in more than memory. His pack thunks to the ground, puffing dry sand into a cloud he leaves behind in his quick stride to his husband. “Long time no see, stranger!” Gaara folds into his arms with a happy chuckle, happier still when Lee presses a wet kiss to his cheek. “I have missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you more, I think.” Gaara sounds so very small as he nudges his nose into Lee’s collar, arms winding around his ribs and back up to the nape of his neck. His thumb strokes gently over Lee’s hairline, the grown out strands of his undercut now at tickling length. “You at least had distractions.”

“Yet still, they were never enough to keep me from thinking of you. You were my last thought before sleep and my first thought upon waking.”

“And mine of you. I’d forgotten what it’s like to go to bed alone.” Gaara’s grin is a damp smear across Lee’s throat. “Not to mention, I’d forgotten what it’s like to be so pent up. I’ve been masturbating like a hormone-addled teen since you left - it hasn’t been enough.”

“Gaara!” Lee buries his face into the side of Gaara’s hair, ears burning. “Your ANBU are still within earshot!”

“I know. The poor things have been witness to it all, I imagine.”

“Let’s get you inside, you relentlessly obscene creature.” It’s still natural to scoop Gaara up and over his shoulder, no matter how intensely Gaara may protest at the indignity. After doubling back for his rucksack, he carries his husband over the threshold for what feels like the thousandth time. For all Gaara may splutter and bang his fists against Lee’s back, he does nothing else to wriggle free.

“I’m a Kage and have been since I was a teenager.” Gaara grouses, face still tucked into the small of Lee’s back. By Lee’s chest, his feet kick petulantly. Though he knows he shouldn’t, Lee can’t quite help but notice he’s grown lighter. “I’ve led countless shinobi in war, I assisted in the defeat of Uchiha Madara, I was host to-”

“You have an erection.”

[quitealotofsodapop]

I was thinking back to Revenge of the Spider Queen and how Wukong would interact with Spider Queen and, if I'm being honest, he was kind of misogynistic. At least, at first glance. Examples are the way he'd constantly refuse to call her by her title and the fact he put emphasis on the fact he was king while she was queen.

But then I thought of it by another perspective.

What if... when he called her Princess and such, he wasn't mocking her gender, but her abilities as a monarch? When he'd first met her in JTTW, she'd been living in a shack. Her 'kingdom' was an old, rundown shack. Her current kingdom was a sewer with only three actual subjects of her own. If that isn't a sign of a poor ruler, I don't know what is.

Monkey King, he drinks his Respect Women juice. He grew up in a troop of primarily matriarchal monkeys who eventually chose him as their first king after he proved himself to them. But you can bet he took one look at that musty, half torn down abandoned shack the Spider Queen was living in on that journey and decided that he couldn't possibly respect THIS woman. Not with how hungry and small her kingdom was. And he still can't respect her thousands of years later. Humans and Demons now have the ability to live side by side, and he'd been MIA the past several centuries. Is she seriously so incompetent that she couldn't get housing for herself!?

Yeah, that "Well, I'm the King"-line always felt really weird to me. Something like "Not my Queen" or "And do you know what happens to Queens who can't rule? They step down!" would have worked a lot better. Maybe a translation issue?

Heck, even a line about how monkeys typically eat spiders would have worked a little better.

I do hc that the Spider Queen and her six sisters were royalty at some point, but when their Kingdom fell, Spider Queen (the eldest) simply refused to acknowledge that there was no kingdom left for her to govern.

The Pilgrims come across the sisters living in a shack in the middle of the woods like the fairies in Sleeping Beauty. Spider Queen introduces herself as such to the gang and Wukong just busts out laughing like;

Wukong: "Lol, no. I have like over a thousand living subjects back home in Alolai who recognise me as King. You've got like six family members and a bunch of bugs. I hesistate to even call you a dethroned princess."

Cue a Huge cat-fight between SWK and Queenie that interrupts the regularly-scheduled monk-kidnapping and pig-creeping.

And centuries later, Wukong meets Spider Queen again living in a gotdang sewer!?

Any respect SWK *may* have gained for Spider Queen's upgraded fighting abilities/having actually cronies, disolves immediately when he realizes that this "Queen" hasn't even a plan for taking care of her subjects (what happens when the venom wears off/the zombies drop?), or what she's gonna do with that big generator mech when she's done taking over.

Not only that, but she captured a *lot* of legit demon royalty in her plan - royal either through birthright, might, or election. She's gonna incur a lot of fury from revengeful spouses, family members, subjects, perhaps even the Underworld itself!

In Wukong's mind, this "barely-a-princess" is on the fast track to have the shortest reign in existance. Meanwhile, he's been King for about 1000+ years XD

[hiccanna-tidbits]

HICCANNA MONTH WEEK 2, DAY 2 FAIRY TALES

***

@siodymph

...hey so I heard last month was RotBTD month. I, uh...decided to finally finish this submission for ship week a whole ass month late D: I owe you one for giving me the final push I needed to finish this literally also months late submission for Hiccanna Month XD Y'know. My own event that I fell half a year behind on. Whoops ^^;

Can you tell I'm a hot mess akjdhksuydfu

Fairly long fic, so it's under the cut!!! As always, moodboard pic credits available upon request :3

***

Truth be told, Sir Goffridus was having a very dull day until he heard a young lady's scream from the cliffside cave.

Sure, he'd saved a village from a nasty bridge troll that morning. And sure, just after lunchtime he'd jarred up a few pixies before they caused too much trouble on a local farmstead. But what, pray tell, was the use of being the bravest, noblest, and most skilled knight in all the realm if there were no fair maidens swooning at his feet?

Indeed, the rest of his company were wondering how he had not yet impressed a noblewoman most beautiful. He was, after all, very handsome, and had slain many a monster! His mother was especially displeased, stating over and over that she and his father simply did not know what to spend their glut of funds on if not a wedding.

No, truly, this was embarrassing. Sir Goffridus needed to find a respectable bride, and fast, if he was to save his great position and spotless reputation.

He urged his steed forth and arrived at a craggy slope. There was a flash of movement on a far-up ledge, and the brave and handsome knight drew his sword.

Sir Goffridus dismounted, creeping toward the rock face. Well...as much as one could creep, wearing dozens of pounds of rattling metal armor. Still, whatever loathsome creature he needed to battle probably wouldn't notice--why, Sir Goffridus had only had ten or so close calls in his career! It was a far greater number for the other knights, he was sure.

Puffs of flame and smoke billowed from the mountainside, accompanied by a fearsome growl. The woman's cry sounded again, this time with distinguishable words.

"Oh, please, someone help me! This terrible dragon wants to have me for lunch and my entire kingdom for dessert!"

A ginger-haired head stuck out over the ledge, gazing down at him pleadingly. The maiden was fair indeed, clad in a dark green gown befitting of any royalty. She pressed the back of her hand to her forehead in distress, looking utterly pitiful.

She's perfect.

"Fear not, beautiful lady!" Sir Goffridus stepped forward, holding his blade high and trying to look as majestic as possible. "I will save you from this despicable beast!"

"Oh, thank goodness!" She batted her eyelashes down at him, and Sir Goffridus straightened proudly. "I knew a brave, brave warrior would come for me someday!"

"Someday, My Lady?" The knight cocked a brow, confused. "If you were concerned about being dragon lunch, be it not today the creature stole you from your kingdom?"

For a moment, the maiden hesitated.

"Well, he's been holding me prisoner and force-feeding me all manner of hearty food to fatten me up for the slaughter!" she finally wailed. "Pastries and fine bread and and sweets galore--and I fear today is the day my meat is tender enough for dining!"

As if right on cue, a wicked laugh rang out behind her. "My fresh entree, your time is up at last! Too long I've looked forward to gobbling you up and spitting forth your pretty little princess bones."

Curious--the beast had a rather nasally and high-pitched voice for a dragon. Not the deep, reverberating snarls of the dragons he normally fought.

But Sir Goffridus's mind was as keen as his reflexes. He knew this was no reason to underestimate the foul creature in battle.

And regardless, this was a princess--it was his lucky day!

"Don't worry, Your Majesty!" he called out courageously. "Not one dragon has faced my mighty sword and lived to tell the tale."

"My hero!" The princess scooted closer to the edge of the cliff. "Come, brave sir knight--I will jump down to escape this wretched place, and you may catch me in your big strong arms!"

"Jump down...?"

Sir Goffridus barely had time to collect his thoughts before the princess was scaling down the cliff face with surprising skill. Her hands and feet went into thin gaps as deftly as a lizard's, going with the speed of someone who has done this climb many a time before.

That was strange. Sir Goffridus had never known princesses to be very competent.

Before he had too much time to ponder, a massive black dragon's head stuck out over the ledge, glowering. "No! She's getting away! My wicked plans are foiled!"

The dragon must have been just as shocked as Sir Goffridus by this turn of events, considering several moments passed and the great beast did not fly down to collect his fleeing bounty.

After a pause, the dragon's presence seemed to register with the princess. She looked up, gasping in horror.

"Oh, no! I've been caught!"

Now that made more sense. Princesses were not often quick on the uptake.

"Quick, sir knight! Catch me!"

And just like that, the princess threw herself from the rock wall. As she sailed down through the air, Sir Goffridus rushed to position himself beneath her.

Curious indeed--the princess was falling slower than what Sir Goffridus would expect, especially one who had been plumped for the slaughter. The dragon only watched, making no move to catch her.

It would seem both princess and dragon were sluggish beings--in every facet of life. Oh well--that would make Sir Goffridus's quest much easier.

The princess landed in Sir Goffridus's arms with a thud, albeit one not as heavy as he'd braced himself for. She giggled, looping her arms around his neck and looking up at him adoringly.

"Oh, my!" she cooed. "How can I ever repay you?"

Sir Goffridus was thinking on an answer when he felt the great swish of wings about them. The ground shook as the dragon landed, glaring at both knight and princess.

"Not so fast, you walking sack of noisy kitchenware! The princess is mine!"

Why, he never...! The quality of his armor was far superior to the pots and pans any run-of-the-mill peasant could use!

Sir Goffridus set the princess down, lightly grabbing her arms and turning her around. "Look away, Your Highness. Bloodshed is something far too ugly to soil your innocent eyes."

The knight held his sword in front of him, gathering every bit of courage he had in his noble heart. "Begone, foul monster! The likes of horrible beasts such as yourself are not welcome among the good people of the human realm!"

Sir Goffridus was, in his heart of hearts, tired of dealing with these nasty reptiles. They had a great propensity for getting in the way, and seemed to believe they had as much right to the land and its spoils as humans--who, unlike dragons, could think and feel and love and build great creations and societies.

The dragon, however, did not seem to realize this. He bared his teeth and charged.

And Sir Goffridus met the beast, unleashing all his training from the glorious royal academy. He swang! He shouted intimidatingly! He advanced and retreated! He hopped to and fro! The dragon hissed in frustration, backing farther and farther away the more Sir Goffridus attacked.

Fortunately for the knight, this monster had horrendous aim. The dragon sent out smoke and fire and plasma balls aplenty--but somehow, none seemed to land on Sir Goffridus, save to graze his armor. Curious, considering he was right in the dragon's line of sight...

He wasn't even landing many hits of his own, yet he still had the beast scurrying in terror. How remarkable indeed!

Well, Sir Goffridus was not one to question easy victories! The princess would likely dote on his valor either way.

"AUGH!" The dragon let out a roar, sending a tongue of flame into the sky. "Foiled again! I've got to hand it to you, sir knight--you have bested me. The princess is yours."

With a mighty leap, the dragon took to the air and returned to his clifftop lair. The princess cheered.

"You've done it, my brave, brave knight! You've won!"

He sure had! Sir Goffridus swelled with pride as he returned to the fair maiden.

"Let us get you from this horrid place, Your Highness." He scooped the giggling princess into a bridal carry, helping her onto his steed. "What kingdom do you hail from?"

For a moment she only fixed him with a doe-eyed gaze, as though trying to gather her thoughts.

"Fair Andaloria, my lord," she said.

"Andaloria?" Despite himself, Sir Goffridus raised an eyebrow as they began to ride off into the forest. "That's quite far from here--a trip across the vast seas and a trek over many a dangerous mountain. That loathsome dragon took you all this way?"

"Yes." The princess looked at him sadly. "The dragon wanted to make it very, very hard for me to get home should I ever escape. Foul beast has a taste for naught but princesses--he'd kidnap a more local one, but he told me every time he's tried, they're rescued but a day later!"

"Not a very good dragon, then, is he?"

The maiden chortled, heartily slapping his chest. The force of it jostled him a tad more than he was expecting.

"Oh, you are so funny, my lord!"

Truly, Sir Goffridus could not find a more perfect lady if he tried.

"Pray tell, fair maiden. Whom do I have the pleasure of rescuing today?"

"Princess Annette, brave sir knight, of the northern lands of Avadoria."

"Annette!" Sir Goffridus threw his hands up in delight. "What a beautiful name! We shall be married in the morning!"

"Oh! my lord!" Princess Annette swooned so hard she nearly falls off the steed. Sir Goffridus nobly caught her just in time.

"Yes!" he confirmed. "I wish you to be my beautiful bride, Your Highness! I will get my finest smiths to craft you a ring of pure gold and priceless ruby. I will shower you with finery and treasure and riches beyond your wildest dreams. The family jewels that have been passed down for generations will now be yours--yours and my children's."

"Oh? I'd...I'd like that very much, sir!"

Princess Annette's lovely aqua-blue eyes shone strangely--a glint Sir Goffridus didn't usually see in proper young ladies. Most likely but an overwhelming of true love in the beautiful damsel!

"You shall have everything your heart desires, and more! A lavish feast? A fortune beyond measure? Wares of unspeakable value? An estate in the country? A garden sprawling leagues upon leagues? All can be yours!"

Princess Annette giggled, kicking her feet as they rode. What a fine day indeed, and what a fine happily ever after they would have!

*

Perhaps Sir Goffridus had had one mead too many, but he was beginning to feel like something was amiss at his wedding.

The festivities were merry and jovial as ever. The decorations were elegant, the dancing was lively, the performing bards were sweet and melodious, the roast boar was superb. The pudding was nothing short of divine. Everyone, from fellow knights to commoners to the higher gentry and royalty themselves, were congratulating Sir Goffridus on his splendid marriage. A princess, they all said! How excellent! How divine! He was to have some of the most fine-bred children in all the land--strength and valor and noble blood and everything in between!

And yet, Sir Goffridus found himself approaching one of his comrades with his spirits quite down.

"Say, Sir Thurlow," he said. "Perchance have you seen my blushing bride? I fear I've picked up naught a trace of her since I gifted her my family's jeweled heirlooms at the ceremony. 'Tis odd to me she'd slip away into recluse after my generosity made her ever so happy. She was quite taken with the emerald necklaces!"

Sir Thurlow belched.

"Well, you can't go around spoiling a maiden like that," he slurred wisely. "Now she'll only ask for more and more jewelry, and throw a mighty fit when you can't give her any more! You've gone and set her standards far too high."

"Oh dear." Sir Goffridus frowned as it occurred to him that his friend made a fine point. "She did seem awfully fond of those topaz bracelets as well. I suppose as a princess, though, it only makes sense she'd be drawn to finery."

"Maybe it's worth more in..." Sir Thurlow scrunched his nose as he swayed against the banquet table. "Aragonia? Andalonia? Where did you say she was from?"

"Fair Andaloria."

"Andaloria!" Sir Thurlow suddenly doubled over in laughter. "Why, they have some of the finest ore in all the world! Legend says gems are so easy to find that they treat them as common copper, trading a fistful of garnets for a good meal. If anything, your new wife should turn her nose up at something so commonplace."

"Surely the legends exaggerate!"

"Even provided they do." Despite Sir Thurlow's continued swaying, he fixed his comrade with a thoughtful gaze. "Would not Princess Annette be more taken with something novel to her? A herbal tea or meat spice made from a plant she's never encountered? A dish prepared in manners which she's never tasted? The elegant peacocks and swans of the gardens, surely so different from the creatures of her mountainous home? Why!" Sir Thurlow brightened. "She might well be exploring the courtyards or attempting to get seconds in the kitchen as we speak!"

"But I looked in the gardens," Sir Goffridus argued. "And the kitchen as well, even at the great disgrace of having to speak to the peasantry. Not a soul has seen my bride, and despite myself, I grow uneasy.

"What of the bedrooms? Perhaps the lady is impatient!"

And that was when it finally dawned on Sir Goffridus.

"Why, Sir Thurlow, you are a genius! The lady could barely resist me ever since we met. Of course that would be her first desire after our marriage!"

Strange. When he had gifted her the jewels in his bedroom earlier, she hadn't seemed interested then. She'd been all too eager to return to the bustling ballroom, only to get lost in the crowd.

Mayhaps she had changed her mind?

Filled with eagerness, Sir Goffridus hurried to his chamber. Oh, but what a glorious night this was to be! For the rest of his days, this would be remembered as the eve his beautiful wife would be laden with his beautiful son.

He hoped, anyways. But why not, if all his dreams and wishes were coming true already? Sir Goffridus thrust the chamber door open, overcome with anticipation.

There was no sign of Princess Annette. Rather, he was greeted with the sight of a mattress stripped bare and a chest of drawers deprived of the fine golden bust that usually sat atop it.

Alas, it only made sense his things would have been taken for a washing and a polishing on such a big day. Nonetheless, it made the room feel even more empty.

Sighing, Sir Goffridus closed the door and continued his search.

*

Daegal was getting ready to close up shop when the hunchbacked hag in a hooded black cloak came in.

There was a great deal of clanking and clattering as she made her way over, and Daegal nervously checked the trinket-filled shelves to make sure the lady wasn't knocking them about. But his merchandise all remained still and untouched as far as he could tell.

When she drew close enough for one of the sconces to light her face, Daegal gave a start of surprise. It appeared she wasn't a hag at all, but rather a pretty young maiden with freckles and lively blue eyes.

Why, then, did she conceal herself so?

"I'd like to make a trade," she declared. "The sign says you're some kinda curio trading post, right?"

"That's right," he said, slightly taken aback by her casual tone. "This is later than I usually do sales, though."

"Sorry!" She laughed awkwardly. "Sort of an emergency. Hopefully it'll be worth it."

The damsel reached into her cloak, shuffling around until she pulled out something long and white. Daegal suddenly realized she was no hunchback at all--the bulky presence beneath the cape was naught but a profusion of carrying bags!

She must be mighty indeed to shoulder such a load.

Perhaps she wore that cloak so as not to draw attention to her great strength. After all, many of the knights who sought to woo her kind found hardiness unbecoming in ladies.

"I'd like to trade this for safe passage through this town." She slapped the item she'd retrieved down on the table. "And a horse. Preferably one with big saddle bags. And also, uh...if you could not mention to anyone that I came through here, that would be great."

Daegal looked down and gasped.

Laid out before him was a diamond-studded white gown. Easily worth a thousand gold pieces, if not more.

The shopkeeper sucked in his breath. "This is...this is the finest wedding dress I've ever seen. What cause could there possibly be to get rid of it? I imagine it's every little girl's dream to wear this."

The maiden paused, and Daegal could have sworn he saw gears turning behind those pretty eyes.

"It was my sister's." She let out an exaggerated-sounding sniffle. "She was to be married, but then on her very wedding day, she was snatched from the changing room by an ogre and--"

"You jilted someone at the altar, didn't you?"

"I did not!" she said, a tad defensively.

Daegal eyed the dress, wondering if it could buy him a personal carriage and a chauffeur.

"It's okay, you know. My family tried to sell my brother off into this marriage with a noblewoman, but she was an insufferable snob. Last I heard, he ran off with the milkmaid."

"Oh, good." The young maiden slacked with relief. "Well...does it technically count as jilting if you fly the coop after you've said your vows?"

"So you can sell the ring?" Daegal smirked. "Clever. I have to respect that."

He picked up the long dress, inspecting it again.

"At least let me pay you what it's worth. You can have safe passage and a horse, but you can grab a couple of our pricier curios too. Looks like you have plenty of room in your bags."

"Really?" She brightened. "You're too kind, sir!"

And before poor Daegal could process what was occurring, the young maiden slapped a gold necklace full of the fattest, shiniest emeralds he'd ever seen on top of the dress.

"For your troubles!" she chirped.

He hadn't a moment to protest before she skittered off, making a beeline for a nearby cabinet she'd been eyeing. She returned almost immediately with a jarful of glowing goo and a self-sustaining terrarium filled with (as far as Daegal could tell) authentic shrunken ducks.

"Miss, you don't have to--"

"How often do I feed the ducks?" she interrupted.

"Um...just sprinkle some oats in there once a day and you should be fine," Daegal answered numbly.

Well. Apparently Daegal was about to get two new private carriages, plus velvet seat covers.

Far be it from him to look a gift weird-young-lady-advertently-or-inadvetertently-disguised-as-a-hunchbacked-old-lady in the mouth.

"Pin this to your cloak while you ride out." Daegal reached into a drawer and retrieved an important-looking emblem. "People won't ask questions. The stables are just past the grocer, so...help yourself."

"Lovely! You're the best!"

She snatched the pin and clattered her way out the door, probably never to be seen again. Daegal looked down at his newfound belongings, wondering how his wife would feel about commissioning a silken tapestry for their bedroom.

*

"I can manage from here!"

Anna dismounted her steed, giving the handsome palomino and appreciative pat on the neck. He nickered questioningly as she gathered her things.

"Yes, yes, I know we're in the middle of the forest," she conceded. "It's all by design, I promise. It's not too far to the road, though! Here's a snack to tide you over, okay?"

She handed the patient horse a couple of carrots. He took them gingerly, regarding her curiously for a few moments.

Then he was gone, galloping off into the ether to claim his freedom. Or a spot at a nearby village's stables. Whichever he preferred.

It didn't take Anna long to trek to the familiar cliffside--an isolated little sanctuary where no human being could bother her.

Or at least no full human being.

"BABE!" she shouted, rapping on the rock. "I'm home!"

A swishing and flapping of massive wings filled the air, and Anna couldn't hold back a giddy giggle. It really had been too long.

Darkness swam over her, a great shape blocking out the sun. A gust of wind caught her hair as the dragon swooped down, landing on the grass with an earth-shaking thump.

"What superb luck," he said, tone deadpan. "My escaped quarry has accidentally wandered back to my lair again."

"Oh noooo." Anna let out a mock gasp of horror as she began loading her stuffed saddle bags onto the beast's back. "How does this keep happening?"

"You are exceptionally easy to kidnap, my lady."

The dragon used a wing to hoist her onto his back, and she held tight to his neck as he flew back to their lair. After doing this song and dance a few times, she'd learned how to lay on his back in such a way that she avoided the rows of poisonous barbs.

She'd come to love the feeling of his cool, smooth scales against her skin. They felt like comfort. Like peace.

Like home.

Some said love was a wild, neverending journey full of ups and downs, and a simple "happily ever after" was a silly hope. Anna was rather enjoying hers, though.

And sure, their love hadn't been an easy one. One of the least easy in all the land, in fact. But the worst seemed, at last, to be behind them.

The dragon landed in the entrance to the mountain cave. Anna dismounted, slinging her bags over her shoulder.

She could barely wait until the sitting room--an alcove consisting of neatly-arranged furniture stolen from palace parties across the realm--to admire her newest spoils. At last, she dumped her prizes across a magenta velvet couch and rifled through them.

Thin arms circled her waist, pulling her back. Anna twisted around, finding herself looking into the very pretty eyes of the disgraced Prince Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III.

"Hi." She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing their foreheads together. As much as she liked his dragon form, she also very much liked when his body was small enough to fit in her hold.

"And how's my favorite grifter? This one didn't give you too much trouble, I hope?"

"Oh, far from it. It just gets easier and easier, I swear."

"You really think they'd catch on by now."

"Please." Anna snorted. "No one can resist a good damsel in distress, let alone one who's stroking your ego more than like...the world's fluffiest cat."

"You're amazing." He stole a quick kiss, making her giggle. "I haven't the faintest idea how every single time you manage to pinpoint what these idiots want. But we haven't had a bad run yet."

"Mmmm." Anna slid a hand down, grabbing his hand and interlacing their fingers. She led him over to a fluffy chaise, pulling him down onto her lap.

"Remember when we were kids I had that phase where I kept saying I was gonna 'quit princessing' and run away to become a bard?"

"Oh, sure. You always insisted I critique your singing voice by belting the same ballad over and over."

She flushed with embarrassment as he snickered. Of course she was more obnoxious about the whole thing than she recalled.

"Well, uh...I actually got pretty far into secretly training with a local troupe before I gave up on the whole thing. Learned all about reading your audience!"

"Oh yeah? And what did you read on this guy?"

"The usual. 'I'm the finest knight in all the kingdom, and thus must I protect all the poor, helpless maidens from the many monsters of these lands!'"

"And how's that working out for him?"

"Never for too long." She sighed pityingly. "I fucked up and said I was from Andaloria again. This guy didn't even notice."

"So you told him you were from Mining Central," Hiccup said flatly. "And he gave you...more things commonly found in mines."

Anna only gestured to the sparkling mound on the velvet couch.

"So how long did it take for him to fork over the family jewels?"

"Oh, you know. Maybe an hour."

Hiccup raised his eyebrows. "That's about twice as fast as the last two."

"He had to do it before his brain caught up."

"And what brain are you referring to?"

They both sniggered.

"Speaking of, though. I should put these away before I accidentally sit on them."

Anna untangled herself from Hiccup, who grunted in protest as she stood up. While memory served, she picked out which gemstones Sir Geoffrey (or whatever his name was) had said were priceless heirlooms, and tossed them into the Family Jewels Heap.

Almost lost to a crack in the sofa was the ring. It was a loud, insistent trinket. Showy strands of gold and silver wrapped around one of those dark blue diamonds that don't actually look that good--people mainly wear them to seem cultured. Nonetheless, it was one of the more expensive ones as of late. A good 300 gold: A few nights at a nice inn and several lavish meals. Perhaps even a couple souvenirs.

She tossed it in the Ring Bin. A truly boring number of them had the typical silvery diamonds, so the blue at least added some variety.

"We should go into town soon," Anna said absentmindedly. "We're running out of stuff to read. And that wedding feast reminded me how much I miss real food. Or...food cooked by someone else, at least."

"Why stop there?"Hiccup tipped his head playfully. "Last few scams made us a fortune. We could grab a carriage, go to the seaside. Get some of that authentic sea salt caramel chocolate you like."

"And go to the beach?" Anna clapped her hands in delight.

"Absolutely. Swim in the ocean, build sand palaces, the whole nine yards. And if any sea monsters trifle with us, well...we're a pretty formidable army all on our own. But man..." He yawned. "All this conning takes it out of you. I think we've earned a vacation, don't you?"

"Well, duh." Anna stared dreamily at the cave wall, the gears of trip-planning already turning in her head. "Oh, man. With all this treasure and crap, we could get, like, the best meals the coast has to offer. Buttered oysters and honey-baked salmon and crayfish with herbs..." She sauntered back to the chaise, sprawling herself on top of Hiccup.

"And crabcakes," she murmured coyly in his ear.

She leaned back, grinning proudly as he brightened.

"And crabcakes."

He pulled her in, and she kissed him hard.

How many times had they done this now? No matter. It was always just as magical as...well, the rest of their relationship.

They hadn't gotten far into their fit of passion when the sound of what seemed to be tiny yet insistent quacks filled the dragon lair. Hiccup pulled away to give Anna a quizzical look.

"Oh, you know." She waved a hand dismissively. "It was one of those wedding dresses."

"The sell-it-get-weird-items-free variety?"

"Come on. Someone offers you some cool collectible just for throwing a few extra diamonds at them, what are you gonna do? Say no?"

The quacking grew steadily ruder, challenging this.

Anna made her way to their grain collection, lugging a bag of oats over to the terrarium. She sliced it open with her dagger, dumping a handful into the glass.

There was a flurry of tiny bodies and a rustling of many a pair of inch-long wings as her palm was swarmed. She pulled it away just in time to avoid her hand being munched off by an armada of beaks.

Somewhere behind her, Hiccup laughed. She turned to glare, but the stern look melted away as quickly as it came.

He was watching her with a dreamy, far-off expression, chin in his hand. Something that could only be described as adoring.

"What?" She blushed, suddenly self-conscious.

"Nothing. Just..." The dopey grin widened. "Thank you. I don't say it enough, I'm sure."

"Thank you for what?"

"Everything. But special mention goes to living in a damp, drafty hole in the rock for me when you could have a palace."

"You don't need to thank me." Anna shrugged. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

And it was the truth.

Funny, she thought, that her fiance being cursed into a monstrous dragon form turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to them. They'd taken something fated to seal a terrible doom and they'd made it work.

Perhaps the greatest irony was that in the beginning, before everything went sideways, their romance had been one that seemed cut out for smooth sailing. Betrothed since the day they were born and best friends since they could walk, the Prince of Berk and the Princess of Arendelle were rarely apart. They hardly minded the idea of marriage, especially considering it meant they could spend even more time together. Many a childhood afternoon was spent planning their wedding, both prince and princess adding more and more outlandish things to an already very extravagant ceremony.

And then the Dragon Wars happened.

The beasts were certainly causing a ruckus, roaming the land stealing livestock and other such inconveniences. Farmer and merchant alike had less of a haul to bring to market, and people were growing very, very cranky about it.

So, naturally, someone decided to take matters into his own hands.

On top of being an already brutal warlord, King Drago was a man trained in ancient dark magic. When he journeyed far and wide requesting allies to fight dragons, anyone would have been a fool to refuse.

And Hiccup's kingdom were not fools. Or so they liked to believe, anyhow.

They sent forth Berk's strongest warriors, ready to lay ruin to every dragon they found. The prince was set to train with the other aspiring soldiers, and was excited to protect the realm against such a menace.

His fiance, of course, was not far behind. Armed with a fair bit of swordswoman training and a will of steel, Anna wasn't about to let Hiccup charge into battle alone. Princess or not, she would not sit at home attending silly etiquette classes or whatever else was "proper" when there were lives at stake.

Then one day, Hiccup found out the real reason dragons had been antagonizing so many humans.

They were slaves to a tyrant queen, the livestock they stole the only way for them to not become her next meal themselves. What they did was not out of evil, but fear.

Hiccup speaking up for the enemy went...poorly, to put it lightly. King Drago was not one prone to changes of heart, especially when the battle-scarred warrior had lost an arm to the creatures in question.

"If you're so determined to throw your lot in with beasts, then you don't deserve to stand among humans!" he'd roared.

And then the battlefield was bathed in red light. It was only a few moments, but it felt like a long, horrible eternity.

There was growing and stretching and shrieking and thrashing and the dreadful sound of scales ripping free, and then an enormous black dragon stood in Hiccup's place.

"Anna. Hey." Rough-skinned hands cupping her face pulled her out of her head. "You froze up. What's going on?"

Hiccup was peering at her inquisitively, one eye human and one eye dragon. She felt the beginnings of claws on her cheeks.

The latest shift was wearing off.

She sighed. Leaning her head against his and wrapping her arms around his waist, she savored the contact.

"Ah, nothing, I was just thinking about when Drago...you know..."

Some king he was, cursing people who questioned him. He didn't deserve the title.

"It was the scariest moment of my life. I thought those soldiers were going to kill you."

"Ah, well. I guess you could say they weren't counting on me being so thick-skinned."

She snorted, flexing an arm to elbow him in the side. "How dare you make a bad pun when we're having a moment, Haddock."

"It's okay," he murmured into her hair, one hand sliding down to rub her back. "I'm okay now. You fixed all that, remember?"

Berk and Arendelle alike had expected Princess Anna to abandon her fiance, now a cursed, shameful traitor exiled to live among his fellow monsters. Instead, she opted to study witchcraft and become even more of a scandal than him.

It was only the basics at first. Creating bursts of light. Minor illusions. Air manipulation (although that was nothing to scoff at, seeing as increasing wind resistance came in handy when dramatically falling off cliffs for knights to catch).

The magic of changing forms was something that required a bit more practice.

Spells came more easily than Anna expected, what with her sister's natural affinity for magic. It was still exhausting work--going over an enchantment's exact wording over and over, doing practice runs on many an unlucky fern--but in the end, she got it right.

Or mostly right, anyways.

As a novice sorceress, Princess Anna could not reverse a transformation spell completely. But her meddling gave Hiccup a modicum of control of his shifts between human and dragon, and both of them decided that was good enough.

Besides, the dragon form came in handy.

"Best of both worlds," Hiccup hummed, voicing her thoughts. "Like Berk would want back a prince who spent upwards of two years as a giant, fire-breathing reptile."

"And like Arendelle would want back a princess who learned black magic so she could defy a king's wishes."

He snuck a kiss.

"Say..." Anna grinned slyly. "Why don't we eat out tonight? Word on the road was that the royals in that kingdom a few miles east are having a posh banquet tonight. Sure would be a shame if a fearsome dragon and his scary wizard girlfriend fucked that up, eh?"

Hiccup whistled. "Yes, my queen."

"Queen?" She snorted. "Gave up on that the second I told Drago he could shove his royal scepter up his behind."

"You know, we have plenty of crowns around here. Maybe you're overdue for a coronation." He gasped dramatically, spreading his hands out. "Queen of the Northern Cliffs!"

"I don't know if the mountain goats would be okay with the forced oligarchical takeover."

"Tell you what. If they come storming in and demanding a coup, we'll reevaluate."

"Then...sure! Let's have a coronation!"

Anna's stomach grunted.

"But dinner first."

"Okay, Your Majesty." He patted her arm affectionately. "But go put on one of the disguises, will you? Can't take any chances, in case any of the fine young gentlemen there are in want of a wife at some point."

***

BY THE POWER OF EVERY GOD, REAL OR IMAGINARY, I WILL FINISH MY HICCANNA MONTH SUBMISSIONS AND REBLOG ALL MY LOVELY PARTICIPANTS DAMMIT

I wish I was exaggerating, but literally every time I wanted to finish this bad boy up, my life turned into a shitshow ;______; It's been...a rough few months, but luckily finishing my WIPs helps distract me from some nasty personal shit and generally makes me feel like less of a garbage human, so! There's that!

I've missed writing for them ;_____; For whatever reason Dragon-Cursed-Hiccup x Overprotective Scary Sorceress Anna is something that can be so personal??? I've written it like 3 times now and it itches a scratch I didn't know I had EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Anyways!!! This particular fic is based off a plot bunny I got from this post (back during the FIRST Hiccanna month in 2022!) and was like "alas, but I'll never have time to write it, even though it IS their month :(" But I guess I found the time??? Months after their month but STILL. Don't give up on your dreams kids???

I think they'd be great scammers. It's also the exact kind of villain-adjacent bullshit that I feel like slightly-more-morally-flexible Hiccup and Anna would gladly do XD Like it might take a lot for them to feel compelled to do, say, mass murder, but grifting pompous rich assholes??? TELL me they wouldn't eat that shit UP.

Btw!!! Anna liking the beach is basically canon, like. Her complaining about Elsa not having tropical powers that covered everything in "white sand and warmth" is a liiiittle too specific for her to not like the beach XD

And Hiccup really does like crabcakes!!! At least that's some trivia I read on his dreamworks wiki page XD But hey!!! Anna has chocolate and sandwiches, Hiccup needs a food to get excited about, too!!!

Anyways hi I am Making Posts again!!! Sorry I was gone for so long but this account has promised hiccanna tidbits, and so hiccanna tidbits it must give!!!

[sevi007]

Part 2 of Sevi's inconsistent rambling / playthrough of Tales of Abyss

Cue the complete confusion, lads:

A what induced what now? A Fon-what? Game please I'm just as clueless as Luke here and there is a lot of big words being dumped on me right now! XD Have mercy! Though one thing I understand:

Agree to disagree! Protection would, imo, include informing Luke about stuff like this, and if he is a - fonist? - to train him in this. Instead, this is ONCE AGAIN something he was kept in the dark over. This is no protection in my eyes, this is blatantly keeping this boy a secret.

So from what it looks like, thanks to Tear and that resonance thingy (which hopefully will get explained later) Luke and I went from training with a training dummy to being casted into the middle of nowhere.

Huzzah! We are so dead! XD

Funny thing is, now that I have a party member, especially a pragmatic and collected one like Tear, I get hit hard in the face how... childish Luke's character is. I mean this not in a bad way. I mean this "good god that kid was sheltered (TM)" kind of way. Not only does he nearly freak out when they fight their first enemy - something which at first surprised me since I expected him to jump in headlong and brag about his battle prowess - but also does he know absolutely nothing about history, the current state of the kingdom / world, nor other things which seem to be daily business for anyone else. (I'm jumping ahead a bit but - Heck, he did not even realize he has to pay the grocer if he eats an apple )

I pondered this for a bit and it does make sense, though. Given he has no memory of his entire childhood, and has been kept so in the dark from everything after that, this boy is like a blank page. Nothing there concerning any knowledge about ANYTHING. (This is not me calling Luke dumb. This is another "how sheltered IS this boy?!" )

I will probably be grousing about this a fair bit XD Anyway, on we go:

... I need that "I'm in danger!" gif, like, right now. We got teleported into enemy territory? The same people who kidnapped Luke? Ah yes. This is fast-paced, alright.

@magicmetslogic

[cosmica-galaxy]

Added to the vent-fiasco: Vee NEVER let's the human live it down. The human isn't seen for, like, a half hour? Cue teasing like 'ah, and here I was getting ready to check the vents for you again.' While flashing the picture he took of that event, after finding the human had just been napping or bathing

This scenario is literally just this but with a picture instead of a trumpet. XD

The poor human is a laughing stock for a few days after the incident, plus their hidden rooms were finally discovered and now they were regularly occupied cut through points, so not only did their reputation take a beating, their hiding holes were gone too. They eventually just have to surrender to the fact that Vee is stealthier and much more equipped than they are when it comes to sneaking...so what can they do? . . . BECOME A CHAOTIC MENACE, OF COURSE. You're done with sneaking. Sneaking is now optional. You wanna go into a place? YOU WILL RUN. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. DAY OR NIGHT, YOU WILL RUN INTO A NEW PLACE TO EXPLORE. Vee is suddenly finding himself TRYING TO CATCH YOU as you get into mischief in broad daylight, dodging and ducking his grasping hands as you snoop about and make a ruckus. Fuck sneaking! You will compensate your technological short comings with SHEER BOLDNESS AND WILLPOWER.

Time to show Vee how you managed to survive the Skibidis out in the wilds for so long! *Grass skirt chase from spongebob begins to play*

[goldenteaset]

(I know I've posted this official art before but I don't care, it fits the occasion)

It's my 1 year yume-versary with Belial today! I felt like being a hopeless romantic (especially after seeing this art again), so I wound up thinking about the process of how this happened. And while it's 99% coincidences that make me happy, when put together like this they do form a love story...

While I got into GBF because of him, the actual act of falling for him "as myself" (for lack of a better way to put it) was a lot longer. Four years, in fact! It was half "I just like him with Djeeta and Lyria better" and half "Nah, he wouldn't like *me*, I'd be too shy".

Cue 2022. XD;

By which I mean, I'm not sure when in summer it started, but all of a sudden he kept showing up in my dreams (as Oribe, his semi-canon school AU self). "Oh cool, that hasn't happened before", I thought, thinking nothing of it. It seemed a good reason to write him and Djeeta in a similar setting; I'd take it.

And then I started noticing that Djeeta wasn't involved. "Well, maybe she's there but I'm seeing things from her POV this time"... ^^;

Months before the Oribe dreams, I kept dreaming about Summer Belial months before we got the Summon, which is funny anyway, but those were still focused on Djeeta. My subconscious really wanted me to have fun with Oribe/Belial, and it was going to bludgeon me until I did. At the same time, two things happened:

A particularly powerful dream about Oribe!Belial where he really wanted to take a selfie with me and kept insisting "I want to see your face, don't hide~"

The "Belial advice column for GBFest" appeared

The former was A Lot, but the latter was easily compartmentalized: "Just write the letter as if you're part of GBF's world". It took a few tries, because I had to remember kafabe (i.e. these letters were being sent to "Belial", not the devs), but I did it!

I burbled about how he'd always gotten me out of writer's block, because of course, and made absolutely sure not to overthink my heart racing while imagining sending it in canon. It was in English, down to the pen name "Shy Writer", and knew it probably wouldn't get picked for the GBFest segment.

"Just the fantasy is enough," I thought, forgetting what "yume" meant.

Fast forward to Jan 2023!

GBFest is here, it's fun whether you're there in person or not...and I'm catching up on Day 1's stream after falling asleep. ^^; I found the "Belial answers fanmail" segment and was just enjoying the spectacle. Here's a video of it separate from the massive stream one:

Someone had sent in something about being shy/nervous about who they liked, very likely him. (Also they called him "Beli-chan", which is adorable.) Belial read it normally, but his response (at 4:13, yes I've kept track of it)...well...

He let out probably the deepest, sultriest chuckle we've heard from him yet, which is saying a lot, and then added "'Shy'? How cute (kawaii ne)~."

Again: it's all coincidence, of course. Just a lot of convenient circumstances that eventually lined up into a fantasy narrative that makes me happy.

But boy did it not matter in that moment, when I felt like a tsundere who'd been found out after a whole season of UST. XD

It felt like there wasn't any need to deny it anymore. Nor to make excuses that were never going to hold up, as long as I kept denying that sense of fun to my own detriment. Or, to be extra sappy about it--it was as if Belial had been seducing me throughout '22 to the beginning of '23 and had now finally gotten the point across to my very dense self-insert/OC.

I've been enjoying myself a lot since then--going out more, trying new hobbies, just being happier in general. Could that have happened without this as a push? Maybe. But it didn't happen until I "had food at home", so to speak, which feels telling.

I think we as a species need space in our heads for imagination and play, and that varies from person to person. Along with writing, mine just happens to be (day)dreaming about the Primarch of Cunning acting like a bird of paradise and/or seducing me and my self-insert OC into semi-reasonable sleep schedules.

So, yeah. Happy anniversary, Belial. May there be many more!

[anneimaginesundertale]

9. First day at work or school, and tgis is probably the only time I'll put in two but Blue and Randy, it's too perfect not to combine XD

"I'm going to KINDY-GARD-EN!" Randy sang at the top of his lungs. Your older child bounced in his seat at the breakfast table. "I'm going to KINDY-GARD-EN with DAAAAADDDYYYY!"

You managed to hide your laughter with a big sip of coffee. At the counter, Blue became very focused on packing two lunch boxes. Next to you, your daughter Cherry banged on her high chair. "Kind-eeeeee-garden!!!!!" she shrieked. "I go with Daddy!"

Oh. Ooo...

"No!" Randy turned to his sister before you could. "Only I go with Daddy today! You're too little. You stay with Mommy and have fun here!"

Cherry's big eyes filled with tears. "Mommy?" she asked, looking at you as if someone had kicked her puppy.

You swallowed your coffee and gave her a big bright smile. "That's right, Cherry Berry! You and I get to stay home and have fun with the cousins. Uncle Sweets is going to bring over Gracie and Gideon to play with us, and Uncle Boss is going to bring Poppy. We'll have a Two Crew Party!"

That seemed to calm Cherry for a moment, but then she asked, "Someday too?"

"Uh, no, honey. Someday's going to school with Auntie Anne. She's starting pre-k, just like brother is starting junior k."

"Kindy-garden," Randy corrected.

"Yes." This particular fight was not a fight you were going to win, so you'd given up days ago. "Randy and Someday are going to be big kids and go to school today, and the Two Crew all gets to party here."

"And," Blue added, noting the looks on both children's faces, "we'll all have a big family dinner tonight once everybody is home. All our family and friends will come to celebrate, because it's a big big day!"

"Big day," Cherry repeated.

"That's right." You took your cue from Blue and spoiled a little surprise. "You and the Twos are going to help me make decorations, and help Uncle Sweets make cookies."

"Yaaaayy cookies!!!" Cherry banged on her tray again. "I do it now!"

"Not now. Eat breakfast first."

"Otay..."

Randy was still looking a little torn. "Can I help with cookies?" he asked.

You leaned over and hugged him. "I'll save some for you to decorate after school," you promised. "The party won't be until dinner time, so there's time for you to help too."

"Yay!" Randy hugged you and then turned back to his breakfast. "Come on, Daddy! Eat fast so we can go! We have to get to school!"

Both your boys bolted their breakfast. Blue sent Randy to his room to get dressed. You cleaned up Cherry a bit and let her out of her chair. She toddled off in the direction of Randy's room. You'd have to go after her, but you took a moment to have a moment with your husband.

"I'm really proud of you," you said, hugging him. "You're finally a full time teacher!"

"I know!" Blue bounced in your embrace, beaming. "I'm so excited!" He leaned in and whispered in your ear, "And a little nervous..."

"You'll do amazing," you assured him, and sealed the promise with a kiss. "I'm so proud of you, love." One more kiss and then the two of you separated to go and deal with the wild giggling shrieks coming from Randy's room. (Somebody decided the bed was a trampoline, apparently...)

Twenty minutes later, you watched your husband and your son get into the car and drive away. You and Cherry waved until they turned the corner and were out of sight.

"Mama sad?" Cherry asked, noting the tears in your eyes.

"Just a little, baby," you said. "I'm going to miss Daddy and brother."

"They come back," Cherry assured you, and your heart melted. You hugged your daughter close. You were so, so happy and so blessed to have the family you had.

[wishingstarinajar]

Hi, on anonymous because I'm shy, but a while ago, I saw your discord status talking about Genshin Impact, and I was wondering what you thought of it. Sorry if that's intrusive! I really like that game and wanted to know.

Le gasp, someone who knows me!... Maybe, haaai~

Genshin, yes (or Genshion, as I accidentally typo-ed it in my status and people were so kind to point out x'D). So my status said I was giving the game another try after leaving my account to rot for almost two years.

I made an account back then and tried to play but was so overwhelmed by it, I didn't find much enjoyment in it. I tried it long enough to get my adventurer rank to 7 or something, but I struggled hard with wrapping my head around the gameplay style. So I left it to the side.

Cue last week, when I brushed off my account and gave it another go.

Day one was hell: I had NO idea what was going on, I didn't remember anything, and once again I struggled with getting a hang of the playstyle. I was having no fun and decided to give up.

Day two was... okay: I figured I gave up too easily the day before and wanted to give the game another chance. It's a pretty game with nice designs and scenery, I like the soundtrack, and if so many darn people like it, then surely I'm not doing something right. I got some online assistance and slowly started to understand how the heck to play it.

Day three was actually fun: Finally, after trying for hours, I was starting to have fun. I could progress, I didn't keep getting my ass handed back to me, I dared to explore and got a better taste of the story. Beating harder mobs/bosses felt really good.

From here on in, the game has been rather enjoyable, but I have hit the "grind wall" now where I need to grind for level boosts, food materials, and other items to upgrade weapons and artifacts, and to ascend characters and weapons so they can gain higher levels. My "main-ish" team is now all in the level 33 brackets and my Adventurer rank/level is 22, so I've been doing okay, I guess xD

I'm still not that great at switching out party members to create elemental chain reactions or what-have-you for good damage; I'm not used to this kind of playstyle, especially this fast-paced, but I'm trying. I usually just go into fights with Xiangling and wreck things (most of the time). Takes a bit longer than it should but it works.

I think the game is pretty alright. I didn't have a high opinion of it before, but that was mostly because my own experience with it was pretty shit. It has a nice story, pretty graphics and a wonderful soundtrack. I like to explore and glide, I think those are my favorite parts of the game, and I do smile when I'm interacting with other characters.

Things I still don't like very much are:

The English voice acting. Some of the voices are pretty grating to listen to, while others sound very forced (aka not genuine or natural). Hopefully this is just throughout the "beginning" of the game and people ease into it better later on. I am considering downloading the Japanese voice-acting pack though.

Being forced to stick with the gender of the Traveler you picked at the very start and being unable to customize their appearance. I'm not going to make a whole new account just to switch gender for aesthetic reasons. Still sucks that this isn't something that can be changed, at all.

Adventurer level hurdles. I hate you... Just let me progress through the story, don't make me wait and grind.

Ice. The Ice element is my worst enemy and the mountain area can fek right off.

Can I have some more dudes on my team? Thanks.

I will say that the urge to make a Genshin OC is there but I feel like I don't have a good enough grasp on the game, the setting and the story yet to justify it. We'll see.

[multi-fan-dom-madness]

My exquisite friend!! I am here with a blorbo for the oc x oc game!!

Starla Shaxx

24 year old Atoan female.

Black hair, and amber eyes.

Pink skin.

Has thousands of hearts throughout her body (standard for Atoans).

Playful and snarky.

full of energy and loves outdoor activifties.

Has a severe blumfruit allergy.

Is a docking controller.

Loves a good happy hour with half off appetizers, drinks, and karaoke

I leave romantic or platonic up to you!

LUV. UUUUU🥰

Pineapple! My love! thank you so much for sharing your blorbo and letting me play dolls with her XD

I think Starla would be a good match with Captain Flare of the 387th!

Flare is all about happy hour specials, and that's probably where they meet, at a dive bar on her planet (forgive me I don't know where she lives). Flare thinks she's really pretty and, after being dared by his brothers, approaches to ask if she'd like to share a drink with him. He isn't really sure what he's expecting when he approaches Starla, but it certainly isn't the fast-developing crush on this pretty nat-born woman with enough snark to match his own quips and with an evident sense of adventure.

The 387th will be on-world for a few more days, and Flare manages to get at least a full day off duty to take Starla on an adventure. Whether that's hiking or just exploring downtown, he makes it his mission to make sure she has the best karkin' adventure-that-totally-isn't-a-date ever.

And by the end of it, his crush has gotten so much worse, and he blurts out, "Can I kiss you?"

Cue the cutest, most playful long-distance relationship the galaxy has ever known. They play drinking games while apart as a way to stay connected, setting rules for one another; he sends her blurry photos of his brothers with unhinged captions, and she provides incredibly dry, sarcastic monologues about her work as a docking controller. On the few opportunities they have to spend time together in person, Flare always tries to take her somewhere new--so long as she indulges him and lies in bed for hours the next morning, soft and snuggly and warm.

I hope you enjoy these HCs! Thanks again for the ask! <3

[veilrook]

I actually agree with most, if not all, if your points.

The color system is indeed weird, though I did manage to get what I wanted it took quite a bit of finagling and doing it over and over and over again. And yes, I really like the stylized look of the game too!

The CC is pretty great overall and I find the three-head-blend-option pretty nifty tbh. I got the result I wanted, though it is kinda difficult to get it right. Hair options are chef's kiss. After so many years of shitty and ugly hair, getting these options with these physics?? It's some of the best in-game hair I've ever seen and I'm amazed it's from Bioware lol.

But yeah... only 3 choices from DAI carry over and that is so disappointing. DAI made it sound like the choice of who drinks from the Well was gonna have major consequences, but I doubt that's gonna come back in any way. I feel like Bioware went with what they consider canon (Morrigan drank) without offering an alternative, but I'll withhold judgment until I see how the Inquisitor is gonna be involved and what they'll end up doing.

I haven't tried rogue yet, I'm saving that for my second playthrough. Mage takes some getting used to because the attacks with the staff are slower compared to how it was in DAI (and I'm not quite sure yet if I like the mage dagger/orb combo, haven't tried it enough) but after unlocking some skills and getting more used to the abilities I'm liking it more. It's definitely a more complicated combat system compared to previous games and I did turn the difficulty way down. I'm so bad with combos and we only get 3 potions at a time, which is... not enough lol.

Also YES the slow running is soooo annoying! I pray when the first mods are made, one of them increases the default running speed. Sprinting is fast enough but constantly having to press the thumbstick irks me. I haven't tried keyboard and mouse yet though.

I like the armor system but again, haven't seen enough of it yet. There seem to be quite a few armors you can unlock and I love that we can change the appearance without changing the stats. I don't know if you saw the Lord of Fortune armors in the CC, but the Aspirational armor from that faction is just... what the actual fuck. I do NOT want to run around in whatever the hell that is. It's so skimpy.

Agreed, the maps are gorgeous and so is Solas XD Overall, I'm really enjoying the game so far.

Also! Photomode! I didn't know that was going to be a thing so cue my surprise when I saw that pop up in the menu!

A bunch of my random, non-story initial opinions of Veilguard, with the knowledge that I do and will love this game no matter what, because I need somewhere to put them all:

I kind of hate the color customization system?? I cannot figure out the brightness and saturation levels to make the colors I want. Am I just dumb?? What am I doing wrong here that all the blonde options look green

I do love the stylized look of the game, it's different from DAI but it has a unique flavor and the colors are very lush (for once in a DA game lol)

So far, rogue has been more fun for me than mage. Haven't tried warrior yet.

i wish we could have customized Inky's arm/prosthetic even a little

It's so cool that we get body tattoos and scars and we can customized which ones go where. Would have loved to be able to mix and match but I know we can't have everything (sigh).

It's pretty apparent as someone who has background with the games, but it would've been cool to have the tattoos labelled "Dalish," "Dwarven," "Lord of Fortune," "Crows," etc for story reasons (even though I'm sure it only matters to the small percent of us who are into the fanfic side of things lol)

Elven ears are huge again and we can't change that. lol it's whatever i guess

The thing about customizing heads based on 3 different heads is...hmm. It's difficult to get the hang of, but I'm glad that you can customize it so much? Still, it's been hard for me to figure out how to make that look good.

they let us check our character in different lighting and with different armor!! great idea

terrible idea: only 3 previous worldbuilding choices. I got spoiled to this so I was prepared. but what the heck was the point of the Keep? why did we waste our time with all of that if none of it was carrying over? Way to flush the previous 15 years of story down the drain. Who's the leader of Orlais and Ferelden? Who's Divine? Who got left in the Fade? Guess it doesn't matter at all! I'm okay that we don't know where our Hero of Ferelden is, it's been long enough in game that their part is done, but Hawke? boo.

At first I was so excited about the "random" name generator! But it's literally just like 15 pre-made names not sorted by race naming conventions that you cycle through. Could've been cooler. oh well I know most of their demographic just wants to kill things I guess

The elves look like dwarves to me for some reason? like they're stockier now, not lithe like DAI. Just takes some getting used to.

While I kind of miss the open world a tiny bit, just for the sake of feeling like we're truly exploring and less "point A to point B," it's also nice not to feel like i'm wasting hours of my time just walking through open nothingness and getting a million meaningless fetch quests

The voices are all so good

Rook's moves are cool, they're fun to play

Speaking of, why do we walk so slowly?! I'm sprinting 100 percent of the time.

Miss the search function for items, even the highlight/glimmer is faint enough with the lighting of the maps I missed a bunch of stuff the first ten minutes

I wish we had a teensy bit more unique dialogues/reactions based on our background/race, so far it's been quite a small amount

I'm undecided on the whole...armor system thing

the maps are gorgeous

I love how many settings we can customize, it's great. I don't care about combat and I can make that part so much less annoying and save myself a bunch of time spamming attacks to get back to the story, which is what I care about, lol

Solas is so hot like this. wow

[queensconquest]

raimki replied to your post: Well at least one of the four trial muses is...

hello ~~~~

  Byakkomaru tilted his head before offering a cautious fanged grin. “Greetings.”

[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

Monster au but mini Yuu accidentally picks up a cuss word and hilarity ensues

Hoo boy, this can either be like that “gasp!” meme or Yuu just so happens to be nearby when someone oh so casually bellows out a curse word after getting their tail stomped on. Either way, it’s bound to be chaos for sure! XD

Warning: Mini!Yuu drops the f-word and the first years hear boss music 😂

The first ones who heard mini!Yuu curse was—no surprise—the first years. As soon as they heard what clearly sounded like the word “dammit”, they immediately began to panic as they tried to figure out how the toddler picked up that word.

Cue flashbacks:

Ace got collared by Riddle again for breaking a rule, the lock getting caught on something and causing him to get stuck in an awkward position. He cursed.

Deuce turning too fast and slamming his haunch against a cabinet, knocking it over and spilling all the contents on the floor. He cursed.

Jack getting trapped in a hole Ruggie dug up for Leona and spilling his books everywhere. He cursed.

Epel trying to pluck out his eyebrows under Vil’s guidance before trying the wax. He cursed (loudly) and got scolded by the unicorn.

Sebek after a student ran into him and destroyed the gift he had bought for Malleus. Cursed up a royal storm!

With growing dread, each of the freshmen realized that Yuu had been present each time they’d said the word. Now it was a race against time to get Yuu to never say it again before returning them to the professors for the evening. How were they going to do that? Simple:

By recreating the situations that caused them to curse in the first place!

“…this isn’t going to work,” Jack said with a frown.

“You got any better ideas?” Ace asked.

“Why don’t we just explain to them that it’s a bad word and they shouldn’t say it?” Jack pressed.

Despite his best efforts, the others went ahead with the plan and he reluctantly followed suit.

Cater and Trey were confused when they witnessed Ace break several rules in a row, and the moment Riddle collared him he ran off. They later found him getting the collar stuck on something, his rabbit legs scrabbling at the ground as he tried to free himself while Yuu was sitting nearby. Growing frustrated, he opened his mouth to shout, “Daaa-!!...da-da-daaaa-da-da-daa~!” Somehow, he managed to roll into a sing-song voice, a strained smile on his face while Yuu watched him in confusion.

They were even more confused when Deuce seemingly knocked over another cabinet on purpose, saying loudly, “Daaaa…rn it, what a mess! I better clean it up!...gh! Wait! Yuu, no! Stay there, don’t move! There’s glass fragments on the ground!”

Trey and Cater looked at each other in confusion. What was going on with these two?

/

“…ah…Jack? What’re you doin’ down there?” Ruggie asked, peering into the large hole.

“…I…fell in,” he said, clearly looking embarrassed.

“You fell in…”

“Yes…”

“Inside the hole you dug.”

“…yes…”

"...o...kay..." Glancing up, Ruggie picked up Yuu and held them close as he said, "Hey, lil' bugaboo. You watching your big brother acting weird today?"

"Heehee...JackJack is so funny!" Yuu said, the toddler smiling happily.

"Well, let's get you a lil' snack then!"

"Yay~!"

Jack heaved a heavy sigh, uttering, "I told them this wasn't a good idea..."

/

"...Epel...what in the world are you doing?"

"...um...maintaining my beauty regiment?"

Vil and Rook glanced at each other with raised eyebrows before staring at Epel, who had a few strips of cloth sticking to his eyebrows. Then, Vil said, "And you're waxing your eyebrows...again...when we did it just the other day...why?"

With a cute smile, Epel said, "Because I...noticed a few hairs still there! So I wanted to make sure I got them all."

"Then why not use a pair of tweezers?"

"...efficiency?"

"And Yuu is here...why exactly?"

"...uh...teaching them good habits?"

Vil's gaze turned stern, Epel's ears lowering as he tried to maintain his now wavering smile while Yuu looked between the two. Their eyes then turned to focus on the cloth on Epel's forehead, and--remembering what Rook told them about being quick when it comes to hunting--their tiny hand reached up, grabbed the tape, and--

"YEEEEOW!!!!!" Epel shrieked. "DAAAAA--hat's okay! I needed that. Thank you, Yuu~!"

While Yuu giggled happily, Vil and Rook were sharing a confused look with one another.

/

"Okay, what's going on here?"

"Um...what are you talking about?"

"Don't lie to me, Ace. You five have been acting strange all day."

"I don't know what you're talking about, right guys?"

The first years were smiling nervously as their seniors stared them down, several with their arms crossed over their chests while others looked curious or quietly furious. It was Lilia who spoke as he said, "Oh come now, you truely didn't think we wouldn't notice unusual behavior from the very students in our dorms? After all, it's not every day that Sebek sings 'dashing through the snow' instead of bellowing when angry."

Sebek's face flushed as the other freshmen stared at him.

"Just spill it: what's got you guys freaking out so much?" Ruggie asked.

No one wanted to answer, each one mumbling under their breath and avoiding everyone's gaze. Then, Yuu toddled over to Ruggie and said, "Dannut!" while reaching up to him, the first years gasping in horror.

"I-It's not what it looks like!" Epel tried to say.

"It was Deuce's fault!" Ace shouted.

"My fault?! You said it in front of them too!"

"Don't go throwing blame around, Ace!"

"As if you're one to talk, Jack! You cursed too!"

"It was an accident!" Epel said frantically. "We've been trying all day to get them to not say that word--honest!"

"I'm ashamed! My pride has corrupted the small human's innocence! Forgive me!"

Among the ruckus of the first years, they were eventually silenced by a stern look from Vil and Lilia, heads bowed in shame. Then...Ruggie pulled out a doughnut from the box he'd been carrying and held it up to Yuu. "This whatcha want, bugaboo?" he asked.

"Dannut! Dannut!" Yuu said, a beaming grin on their face as they reached up with grabby hands.

"Well first, ya gotta say it right: it's donut," he told them, kneeling down so he was eye to eye with them. "Can you say 'donut'?"

"Doh...nut...donut!" Yuu said.

"Shishishishi~! There we go! You've earned it, kiddo," Ruggie said, snickering as Yuu took the pastry and toddled off with their prize. Standing up, he said, "Let me guess: you guys thought that Yuu was saying the word 'dammit' and thought to try and teach them a different word, right?"

"Uh...y-yeah," Deuce uttered. "How did you...know that it wasn't a curse word they'd said?"

"Oh please, it was easy to tell what they wanted. You just gotta pay attention to what the kid says and narrow it down. Compared to talking to animals, it's a piece of cake!"

On hearing this, the first years heaved a sigh of relief. "Don't think you're out of the woods yet," Trey said, his smile--though playful--holding a dangerous look as he stared at them. "You all are going to watch what you say around Yuu from now on...right?"

They gulped, none of them liking the looks their respective dorm and vice dorm leaders were giving them. "Y...yes sir..."

Meanwhile, Yuu was happily skipping around with their donut half-finished--before they tripped and fell, dropping their donut. Their little face contorted into a look of anger and frustration as--in the loudest voice they could--they shouted, "Fuck!"

Multiple pairs of eyes went wide, and in an instant all five of the freshmen could swear they heard boss music playing as the others stared at them intently. Then, pointing at each other, they shouted, "He said it!!!!"

[writingforatwistedworld]

Otome au

I’ve had this in my head ever since your AU came out because :) OK Mc still does the side quest and so does the storyline but they always try to take stuff from the villagers or like the side characters( I do this it doesn’t work most the time)🤣

For example mc : i’m gonna take your bread sir(Mc tried to take it but but they can’t)  give me my bread

Villager: my bakery is closed you can come back another day:)

Mc : let me take your Bread SIR SIR let me take your bread STOP WALKING AWAY FROM ME SIR!!!??

Can you do Vil,epel, azul how would they react mc like that I thought it would be hilarious!!! please thank you love your stuff<3

THE BREAD! HAIL THE BREAD! EAT THE BREAD! RESPECT THE BREAD! And take the bread away from NPC's. (I hear the murder in the voice of that example NPC XD)

Otome-au

I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, poison, violence, stalking, obsession, possessiveness, murder, death

Azul Ashengrotto/Vil Schoenheit/Epel Felmier-“I’m gonna take your bread sir… let me take your bread SIR SIR STOP WALKING AWAY FROM ME SIR!!!??”

Here he is sitting, watching you through his mirror, looking at how you talk with those land-dwellers (idk about what you think but bread underwater is a bit hard u know...)

And... could it be that you are hungry?

Because all he is seeing is you jumping like a madman in front of random people (you call them NPC's, right?) wanting their bread if they had one

Ok, imagine this with me, he just woke up, was done with his hair so it was... like it usually was and just put the mirror on like some TV

You following me, right? Well he was staring at it with an open mouth watching how you wanted everyones bread for the first two minutes

And once the shock is gone he is going mad

“ARE THEY NOT FEEDING YOU WELL??!”

Then he remembers that this is not your real body and just some shell so you can experience this world

But then... what are you doing? Is this something in another culture? Is he missing something here?

Poor Octopus is so confused.

Why don't you just take some fish if you want food that badly, they are practically swimming into your hand... oh, yeah, right, you not in water

Let us remember that panicked state he was in before, yes? The three people that he could also see with you in the mirror are now cursed, byproduct of his abilities (don't question it)

But you seem to like bread a lot... should he try to create a waterproof one??!

Cue you looking at your screen confused when they achievement “culinary inspiration-the merpeoples best chef” popped up

Guess you just brought bread onto the plate of fish

But no one dares to steal the recipe. Otherwise they might find themselves at the mercy of an angry outcast of the sea, the mersorcerer himself

Yeah, that garden is growing pretty neat

So... you expect this cold-hearted tyrant king to just ignore what is going on?

My dear friend, he has a magic mirror that can see and show more than any other reflecting surface

He was this close from throwing his own most prized reflective surface out of the window (again)

Life of a mirror can be hard you know? If it isn't easy with competition on the mirror market and if that doesn't kick you out of the business then it's your owner shattering you (and I'm sure a fall from a tower also does the job)

Since you know me you also know what comes next, we build the scene

He just sat there, staring at your body in this world and how it didn't move for about half an hour (you probably went to grab a bite)

He almost screamed when you suddenly jumped up and sprinted to the next baker

Oh I also forgot to mention, you were screaming “BRRREEEAAADDDD” (you doing that. Not me. I'm just an author)

That was rather... u elegant but he can pass this...

Until you go to the next person and repeat the whole “gimme your bread” thingy

I told you, that mirror better learn how to fly and that fast

You want bread? YOU WANT BREAD??! Fine, then you shall get bread

Suddenly someone appears out of nowhere, handing you a basket filled with bread, saying “in the name of the king”

Maybe he will even get so annoyed that he will try to poison his brother yet again but this time with bread (imagine, it was not an apple but bread XD)

But if you thought about giving it to one of the suitors I would advise you to forget that

You know, he has a certain special magic and he might have done something to the bread that would affect them but not you... Just might (nah he has definitely done something to it)

So bread is the way into your heart huh?

Forget his apple carving skills! *sobs* He is going to learn how to bake bread!

The kitchen looked like it was a battlefield after the first time... why was there a knife sticking out of the bowl?

But anyway, he is trying his best

But why did he decide to walk the treacherous path of bread baking?

Well... you were screaming like a madman and telling everyone to give you bread

Oh boy was he happy that the people would forget what happened after you would restart the game or loaded an earlier safe file

Lowkey embarrassed but then it struck him!

If you want bread that badly then he shall make it!

He was so motivated that he totally forgot that this body of yours can't even get hungry

Remember that he is also the poison dealer which would hand the king the poison to finally reach his goals in the plot of the game?

That left over bread which isn't 100% perfect doesn't get thrown away, no

Bread can actually soak up a lot of liquids so just a few drops of this and that... there, his next client should be pleased

Also, might use the power of the oh-so-malicious poisoned bread to make sure Neige doesn't come close, he can't have the main plot ending too fast after all (falling off a cliff hurts)

But in the end he can bake bread like a champion

Just don't take the bread from that basket. That other one is for you. Oh why? Well... he made it for that nice person you met yesterday. Had to take extra measures because of an allergy... want to deliver it with you?

[teecupangel]

Don't forget your little addition in the replies:

…The world learns appreciation of twin action much much earlier? (pleasedontkillme XD) But seriously though, Imagine the recruits conning Desmond into a bet - wherein he dresses like young Ezio and goes to haunt Rodrigo or something

You know those Borgias would be like: "Yeah, I'd hit both of that" XD

And what's this? Here comes @twitcherpated with a banger idea!

I'm absolutely a terrible bastard because I read all of this and just can't stop thinking everyone: they're father and son! desmond: can you guys stop saying that shit everyone: aww, he wants to protect his father's reputation desmond: no, I want to jump his bones, and him thinking I'm his son is going to put a real damper on things

One of the recruits who is absolutely trying to help try to console Desmond, "Don't worry. I mean, if the Borgias can do-"

"Don't." Desmond covered his mask with his hand as he begged, "Don't finish that sentence."

And now we have Desmond digging his own grave even further with

@aramaura

I just had a thought. It gets to the point where people keep flirting that Desmond says "that's enough I'm already in a relationship!" (Cue protective papa). "With who?" Now Desmond is thinking as fast as he can for a plausible name and the first thing that pops out of his mouth is "uhhhhhh….. Connor Kenway." And now there is a massive manhunt for Connor Kenway who isn't even born yet.

"Oh thank god I didn't say Ratonhnhaké:ton." Desmond sighed in relief, "And... it's not like... this would make them try to spy on me to see if they can see me meet up with this Connor Kenway, right? Right???"

The random pigeon he has in his hand just tilts its head and goes, "Cooo."

"Fuck."

And also

@halfpintofanxiety

or or people keep flirting with him even though he still sticks to the mask, you know for comedy and to divert attention away from him only it backfires cause now he looks like forbidden fruit kinda, and people make jokes about how he is prob a lady’s man like his father and his gay ass is just sweating behind the mask in disbelief but even he knows it’s to risky to be open, even Leonardo didn’t come out to Ezio

And even if he tries to go "I... I'm celibate???"

Everyone would just go "Bullshit. Not even the priests here are celibate."

And Desmond would just curse the Borgias again because he has no other option. XD

And another banger from @halfpintofanxiety!

Nonono even better…Claudia pulls rank and makes him haunt Duccio and make him think that he is going senile. Start off simple hello future brother in law to an even scarier you cheated on my sister with this puttana

And that is the day they all learn that Desmond doesn't just look like Ezio...

He can mimic Ezio's posture AND tone almost too perfectly.

And now... the whole "Desmond might be a time-traveling Ezio" doesn't just stay with the Templars.

Even some of the recruits think that it might be possible.

While Desmond is just...

What if Desmond is the Assassin in the Brotherhood trailer to Ezio's right towards the end, the one with his face covered??

The Assassin in question:

That would be quite the twist too. Just imagine Desmond getting punted into AC: Brotherhood and deciding to join the Brotherhood but not wanting Ezio to know who he is so he covers his face with either a full plain black mask or some kind of fabric that can cover up to his nose then the rest would be shrouded in shadows by his hood. No one knows what he looks like underneath the mask/fabric and there will be light, friendly rumors (jokes) as to why he hides his face (other recruits would even ask him directly about it).

Desmond just rolls with it and he’s actually the one fanning the flames of his rumors, giving different explanations each time someone asks why he’s hiding his face. Explanations/jokes/lies he’d made include:

He’s so ugly his mother wept when he was born

He has a scar that slices across his lips (that one he got from Dark Knight)

He’s a wanted criminal for killing all the guards and the master of the house of a noble lord

He’s hiding his face because his father is a powerful man

He’s hiding his face so he wouldn’t be noticed by a scorned lover who is somewhere in Rome (This always makes Ezio laugh)

The only thing I would change in his ‘outfit’ is that Desmond doesn’t seem like the type to use a mace. It would slow him down. I could see him using a one-handed sword or dagger like Altaïr (and any time his bleed would make him move like Ezio, he can easily explain it away as him trying to copy the mentore’s moves) or/and a bow and arrow like Ratonhnhaké:ton, focusing on ranged attacks to further support Ezio and the other recruits while not being part of the actual battle so they wouldn’t notice how good he is with hidden blade combat. Maces and other weapons with enough weight to slow him down would be something he'd pick up along the way (or from a disarmed guard) and throw out once he's done fighting.