#crying now its a day late
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Tonight, you were once again cuddled up to Mammon watching something together on his laptop. The now dimly lit room only served as perfect atmosphere for the action movie Mammon had picked out. As the movie played you let your mind drift to the scene around you. The warm hue of the bedroom lights, the contrasting cool glow from the laptop, the soft texture of pillows and blankets, the warmth the both of you had created, the feeling of his body next to yours; everything mixed together perfectly.
Earlier that night, Mammon had dragged you into his room stating that the cold devildom weather was too harsh for a weak human such as yourself. He continued, explaining that The Great Mammon would be so gracious as to allow you to huddle with him for warmth, and maybe even permit you to cuddle up to him if need be. You were his human to take care of after all, he couldn't let you freeze to death.
Now, however, it seemed his cocky demeanor melted away in the warmth of his bed. He leaned on you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder to pull you closer to him in return. You responded simply, grabbing his free hand and interlocking fingers with him. Even without looking at him you could imagine the look on his face, practically memorizing his expressions by now. As predicted, his face was completely flushed, with even the tips of his ears burning the gorgeous crimson you had come to associate him with.
Surprisingly, however, this time he did not pull away from your affections. Instead, he squeezed his hand in yours before bringing your knuckles to his mouth. He kissed them gently, placing them back down on the bed afterwards. You, now flustered, turned to face him in surprise, only to be met with his lips meeting yours. His lips were chapped, and his nose cold, and yet you wouldn't change a thing. You would simply turn your body towards him before cupping his cheek and bringing him in for another kiss. The movie was long forgotten, and neither of you could care less; you would much rather spend your night embracing each other. Even if you missed the ending, you could always just use it as an excuse to lay in bed together again.
#I THOUGHT I POSTED THIS IT WAS STUCK IN MY DRAFTS#crying now its a day late#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me nightbringer#obey me x reader#obey me x mc#obey me mammon#obey me mammon x reader#obey me mammon x mc#fics
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Hello hello soo um im still workin on it ,ive been kinda burnt out from it an ik thers no real preshure and im wayyy past valintinse day but heres a wip of those silly lil valintines cards




Also today is my birth day im 22 now so .. Thats a thing. Anyway im planing on making like 3 alternet vershions of eclips 1 with the cannon tipical 2 arm pre decomishion desighn 1 with the 4 armed fannon /cannon design and 1 with the 4 armed ballone world desighn. Probly ganna take a bit but what ever it will be valintine in fuckin may who cares lol
#fnaf fanart#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf moon#fnaf sun#moondrop#fnaf eclipse#I shoulda went to bed sooner i acctuly have plans today ill be fine witj an houer of sleep hopefully i dont ruin my own party by being a#Insomneac#fuck im just waistin time i need to sleep but i could also stay up and just party rockers in the house to night my way threw#Im prett good at it but also my brain hit anouther developmental phase and o know ill probly sleep for 15 houers or more affter i finaly#Crash an i sapose to drink with my friend an have a lil party with them tonight#Fuck this is the most eventfull b day ive ever had hopefully i dont cry like i do every year idk why but i always cray on my birth day and#Cristmas#Lol why ru still reading this are you curious#Well hello there you silly fool im suprised anyone would make it down here like tbh i dont even think someone would even check the tags let#Alone read this far tbh im so confadent i think ill dox my self for fun#Are you redy im ganna do it#Get out a pen an paper okay#So here we go#I live in#Hahhahah bro why are u still fuckin here#I cant even spell oh shit fuck im a wizzerd now yah see that i turnd in to a spell casting wizzerd and youre just sitting there probly on#The toilet or a train or summin reading the tags on this nouthing burger of a post#Well any way its gettin late or early man idk its like 3:37 am and im tiyping this out#I gess were in the same bord borderline puthetic bote ?? Ship what ever fuck off i alredy said im a damb wizzerd in this hoe ?? That right#I said some fuckin who how whoe ? Like dude. Wtf anyyway fr fr i got milk thats been sitting on my night stand for maby an houer idk#I cant feel time anymore affter ... THE HORRORS#Anyway agin im acctuly ganna leave now have fun stay safe and uh thanks i gess for sticking arround have a lovely day and umm yah#So uh real quick why did u stay so long fr fr was it bc i was edging u with the whole doxing my self thing bc that was a joke tho i do get#The urge to so.e times .. Fuck im doin it agin
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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day 7 | disneyland
#not pictured: nami in the background crying over the prices of everything#luffy made them get the matching shirts and nami killed him dead#zosan#sanzo#black leg sanji#roronoa zoro#vinsmoke sanji#digital art#sanzodaily#one piece#day 7#ft#tony tony chopper#inspired by the fact i had two separate conversations about disneyland today#you think it would be happen more often#because i work and also live in california#but no. it doesn't really come up#also disneyland is INSANELY expensive and im CHEAP so i will never step foot in there#just like nami fr#anyway#also im sorry this was posted so late again#forgive me.#i worked an 8hr closer#(we close my job at 10pm)#so i was out by 10:30pm#and now its like 11:48pm#ITS STILL DAY 7 PST OKAY.
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I've watched Inception and The Wild Robot for the first time today. I'm fine! No, truly, I'm fine!
#i didnt Cry but i was p close for both LOL#i was actually trying to watch twr last night but#it was late .#i fell asleep .#like constantly#i was waking and sleeping waking and sleeping waking and sleeping#incredible movie though holy shit#roz ras and ra's i love u all now <333#raine's rambles#the wild robot#inception#inception was pretty cool#incredible visuals and the twist was insane ...#they rlly were just stacking dreams on dreams on dreams#speaking of dreams i got my first and only dreamzzz set today but that aint matter#tbh for inception i think my only issue was there was a part where it rlly just Drags for a bit to me at least .#its not that big of a deal tho#the scene w fischer getting that false idea planted in was so good it was such a nice resolution#it leaves you in two minds about the whole thing#on the one hand the heroes succeeded ! yeah !#on the other they have completely altered the course of Everything for this guy via a false notion#he may be happier but it was never true ...#and the thing w the spinner at the end. ..#ohh my god#can i just pretend i got the happy ending instead AUGHH...#good day for me today actually !#might have been my best one in a while...#not me YAPPING in the tags when i have a project to finish WHOOPS !!!
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Small Beginnings
#horizon zero dawn#hzd remaster#hzd photomode#hello i am (temporarily? work will eat me one of these days) back#honestly didn't play much horizon lately#mostly control and the odd glacier pic session#felt a little burnt out#but. now the remaster is out i'm being reminded why i love this game so much and god.#you can tell they tried to get it more in line with hfw visually#but it is still distinctly hzd and i could just cry at its beauty all day#can't wait to explore all the areas i've loved to bits in the original and see what they look like now#unfortunately photo mode is still a hassle but we'll make do#they added an option to turn off lens flare. i'm content#...at least i think you couldn't do that before? i remember lens flare giving me a headache regularly#maybe i'm just misremembering
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#i feel like i'm never really here lately and i feel sorry#i only visit in the evening reblog a bunch of pretty things and i leave#but i'm just so fucking tired work is hell my manager has been sick for two weeks now and she's not coming back yet#and i am at work all the fucking time#but she's really sick like she literally had to go to the hospital and it's pretty bad and we talk every day and she's always crying becaus#she feels guilty#because our boss is a fucking idiot and he's mad at her and he thinks she's just pretending#and i am at work all the time for so many hours every day and i'm tired#and i want it all to be over#and i'm waiting for the news because i had a job interview a few days ago and maybe MAYBE it will work out#but i am just so tired#so exhausted#like my boss called today and told me to clean the floor in the evening and i usually do that in the morning but NO APPARENTLY ITS WRONG NO#and this made me so fucking mad i almost started crying#because. i. am. just. so. damn. tired.#please i wanna die#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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omw to school now chat!! 😸
#Mini vent bc im not ok haha:#So i literally cant stop shaking and ws barely able to breathe when i ws getting ready + ws hyperventilating the whole time.#Feel about a split second away from starting to cry again.#Mother left like 5 minutes before the taxi ws meant to get here bc she had to bring cat to the vet.#So she ws js like 'sorry i cant help :[ oh btw you gotta get ur shit together in <5min for school bye' which. Um. Yeah.#So i had about 3 minutes of breakdown time before i had to get my shit together and now i gotta sit through 6 hours of random bs probably w#a bunch of catch up work bc i wasnt in last week when we properly went back. So ive missed like 3 days worth of lessons.#So 6 hours worth of random bs + extra catch up work (besides the fact im also behind in a bunch of shit anyways bc i joined the class late.#& i'll probably have a thousand and one teachers 'checking on' me. All they want to hear is just another fucking lie of me saying im ok bc#Im too much of a fucking burden to not be. Even if i say im not ok the most ill probably fucking get is a shitty cup of tea and 5 minutes t#sit in the hall being gawked at for having the audacity to not be ok.#Spooks isnt in today. My other friend might be? Crimson might be? And Star might be? So idfk.#I dont want to make fake fucking conversation i dont really want to talk ever or do anything.#I dont feel able to exist right now. But i cant not?? So! Hn. Guess its fucking school instead.#Um. Yeah. Sorry?( I guess? Not really.) For this chat.#See you guys later.
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#the other day i was talking to my dad and he said im at a crossroads in my life except its an intersection of many different roads#and i have no idea which one to take. but because the semester is starting tomorrow it feela more like im standing at the edge of a cliff#waiting for the ground to crumble out from under me. not sure what im gonna tell my PI when i see him monday bc i feel like ive got one foot#out the door. its just hard when you dont know what to do or which direction to go or what opportunities you'll even get#and if i say goodbye to this program im probably saying goodbye to astr0biology. and if i dont go back to my old boss im probably saying#goodbye to microbial ecology. and if i say goodbye to those things i might be saying goodbye to a job where im passionate abt what i do#in exchange for being less insane and being paid an actual salary lol#its just frustrating and it makes me even more twisted up inside bc im teaching this semester and im like#how do i put passion into this when i#when all i feel is frustration and uncertainty. i dont even want to go into my office. when i left i couldnt sit in there without crying#but we'll see. too late to back out now. unless i have a breakdown halfway through#unrelated
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So i was reading @basil-does-arttt 's fanfic "Frustrations and Gentle Affections." and I realised something. For context, Nico has convinced the Spardas to sit down in their Devil Trigger forms and let her pick off loose scales for her experiments and creations. While she is doing this, she wonders to herself whether if demons groom themselves. This led me to the idea, what if demons moult?
(Bunch of stuff about moulting below. I'm no expert, and my sources are all online searches)
I will concentrate on bird and crustacean moulting for this. Moulting for birds is the replenishment and replacement of feathers. A bird's plummage will noticeably change over the course of the year. As their plummage dulls, they will then start to moult. They typically go through either partial moults (replacement of a portion of theif feathers) and/or complete moults (replacement of all feathers, birds typically don more vibrant features after complete moults).
Now moving onto crustaceans, specifically lobsters. Rather than an internal skeleton, lobsters have external skeletons called an exoskeleton. As a lobster grows, their exoskeleton will become too tight, and they will shed their exoskeleton and be left with a soft shell. Immediately after moulting, a lobster will pump their body full of fluids and enlarge their soft shell. A lobster grows ~20% per moult. After enlarging their bodies, a lobster will absorb water to rehydrate and will eat their previous shells to regain nutrition and protein. Due to an enzyme called telomerase, lobsters continue to grow through their lives, and the occurrence of senescence is slow. (It was actually due to this that the myth of lobsters' immortality came to place).
@basil-does-arttt 's interpretation is closer to that of a bird's moult. Individual feathers/scales fall off and are replaced. But I think lobsters' moult align more with demons. I'm pretty sure that as demons age, the more powerful they become. Lobsters also continue to grow as they age. Apart from natural old age eventually killing lobsters, another reason not all lobsters continue growing is that moulting is consumes a lot of energy, the larger the body, the more energy necessary to moult(like how triggering dt takes up a lot of energy for the spardas). Perhaps demons have a similar problem? They can't continue growing for eternity due to energy consumption, and that would explain why we haven't seen any behemoth sized demons. Lobsters' longevity is also seen in demons' long lifespans. Once again, this could be due to demons continually creating a certain enzyme to sustain them like how lobsters do. Also, I feel like eating their shedded moult is something demons would do, just feels right.
Another thing I wanted to bring up is this "cult" that is growing a leviathan lobster god. Sure, it is a joke thing to incentivise people into recycling and caring more for the earth, but they do have a point with the large lobster. The largest lobster found weighed 20.15 kgs (44.4lbs) , the average lobster weights ~0.6 kgs (1.3lbs). That means the largest lobster was ~3591.6% bigger than the average lobster. Now imagine that with demons, if the twins SDT is the average size of a demon, a levithan sized demon would be so fucking huge.
#dmc#future reference#devil may cry#devil trigger#dmc headcanons#dmc dante#dmc vergil#crustaceans#birds#someone pls tell me roughly how big sdt dante is#because now i NEED to know how big a leviathan demon would be in the same ratio as the lobster#fanfic#ive been having too many thoughts lately#idk if its good for any of us#one day i will kill tumblr#the drafts didnt save the first tims#this shit took so long#the sun literally set in the time it took me to research and write this#i swear theres any mistakes in this#no there isnt
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I am having the worst three days in a row I could possibly have right now and i just accidentally slept all day so now my sleep is going to be completely fucked yayyyyyy
#me :)#i had like 3 panic attacks last night haha hooray i love being in college#and then i had to emergency apply for a vet care credit card bc i didnt find out how much my cat's teeth cleaning would be and then it was#800 dollars !!!!!!!!!#which i cant ask my parents to pay right now. because they are paying for a new phone for me because mine decided to die last night yippie#and also my stupid fucking dead cousin's death anniversary is coming up i hate that guy so much#and im not going to do anything but ive had such an intense shot of stress all at once that my brain is defaulting back to if any minor#inconvenience happens we should just kill ourself so i keep thinking about throwing myself into traffic. and now i have to pay off a fuckin#800 hundred dollar bill while im trying to save up to be able to move out to my own place with my partner once my lease ends. so its going#pretty good all things considered#collapses in a pile on the floor screaming and crying and vomiting#also i missed my school's free food thing today and i have none of my credit cards right now because i lost them all last weeeeeek and i#cant afford to buy groceries right now! so i dont even get to have food i like#and i missed it because i was asleep all day because i couldnt fall asleep till late last night because i had to distract myself from#thinking about killing myself and then i had to get up at 8 am to take my cat to the vet. and i had to miss one of my three excused labs#this semester#so its awesome. its awesome
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Laptop crashed and absolutly corrupted the drawing i had been working on for the last few hours. Inconsolable. :,(
I will never draw again and my evening has been ruined
#i ramble#:(#excuse me ill be going to go cry in the bathroom now#have a good day#its late anyways ill go to sleep#guess yall just never going to see this pic now because i will not be drawing it again#bye
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#y'all my anxiety has me spiraling as of late because it just feels like my whole life is falling apart at this point#i got fired from my job a couple of months ago and i've been scrambling to try and find a new one#i work part time at a store i really love but it pays shit#and i've had all of these interviews and no one wants to hire me and i just feel unhireable at this point and it's hard not to despair#and on top of that i'm struggling with my self esteem again#i know i'm not ugly per se but i'm struggling with feeling confident in the way i look as a big girl#and all of my old insecurities are rearing their ugly heads and i want to cry just thinking about it#and i feel like such a failure right now even though i know that life has its ups and downs but my stupid brain just won't chill#and i don't really have any friends in the area because they all either moved away or didn't live here to begin with#and i'm tired of living at home because of my stupid student loans and not being able to afford to live on my own#i have one person i hang out with and we just met and i don't want to scare them off because they're a great friend and person#and i just feel like i'm never going to meet anybody who's going to love me the way i want to be loved because of my looks#also because it's me. and i feel like i'm so flawed as a person that no one will ever fall in love with me#and i've just been feeling really alone lately and i'm trying to do things to make me feel better but it's just so HARD right now#and i love writing because it gives me a chance to explore some of my feelings and it's something i genuinely love to do#and i'm sitting here waiting for the day things start to get better. and i know we all joke and i'm gonna sounds so dumb for saying this#but i feel like i was meant to be famous? or do something great idk and it's something everyone has always told me#and idk if my feelings of inadequacy are because of that or what but i'm scared that my life is going to mean nothing in the end#anyway this was a lot and you can pretend like you didn't read it. i just wanted to write some of my feelings down
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the fact that people are receiving their bracelets in the mail means i have figured the shipping out properly which means everything currently in the mail will arrive within the next two weeks unless the mail service fucks up
..which also includes the set i sent to kip
#WHY AM I SO NERVOUS ABOUT THIS GOD#I CANT EVEN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT ANYMORE ITS ALREADY IN THE MAIL AND OUT FOR DELIVERY I CANT TAKE IT BACK ANYMORE#god brain calm down its too late to freak out right now ough#catch me just spending a day crying at some point within the next two weeks if i find out they received them OUGH ;;#..also i guess this is a soft update to anyone waiting for anything things are arriving soon#if the mail service plays nice now ofc#night is an absolute mess on main
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Was having a perfect day until i got accused of shoplifting in the pharmacy and the lady just kept repeating "you are stealing something" without even checking my bag or anything so the only logical thing i could think of was to dump everything out from my bag and tell her to see it herself
#it was soo uncomfortable i didnt know what to doo and i almost started crying from sheer embarrassment#and i was buying tampons literally already didn't want anyone to see that and now everyone kneww#and she didn't even look at my bag like???#and said im sorry if you weren't stealing its just so many people are stealing lately#like yeahh?? if you don't check their bags if you think they are stealing what do you think will happen lol#and alsoo it a pharmacy near my house like i go there all the time i KNOW the woman#thats why it was even more confusing to me bc i thought she would recognize me too like helloo i come here almost every day lady you know me#mine
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me: shit why cant i tell people close to me that i love them when i havent been smoking
my brain: you dont trust yourself or anyone to say what they actually mean and also *** **** ***** *** *** **** ***** *** *********** ** **** *** ***** **** **, ***** ** * **** ***** *** ***** *** ********* ***** ** *** and when you smoke you typically only say it in a joking context so youre not worried about people taking you seriously anyway
me: ok real and true, pass that shit over here
#problems!#for context i am not actually smoking right now bc its late and ive been crying all day and i dont want to develop any habits#but erm epiphanies be like#genuinely feel fucked up abt this at times. because my sober brain does not like words of affection or admiration#or at least. doesnt take them well#im so used to backhandedness or apathy or ambivalence that like. the idea of someone saying they care about or love me#is very. perverted in a way. terrifying is a better word but honestly its like a switch turns on in my brain when ppl say that to me#that just Assumes The Worst or twists it into something terrible and awkward and then i just. dont say it back or i deflect#and then when im stoney baloney i say it more and im more affectionate and its like the switch isnt even part of the wall anymore yk?#and ONLY when i smoke sativa 😑 indica keeps me normal i fear#this just means that i have to be more careful when i smoke now i dont wanna give off the impression that im some sort of ooey gooey mf
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