#crying and yearning and im going to miss them so bad

[luvrxbunny]

crybaby

Pairing: Eddie Munson x F!Reader 

Prompt: Dacryphilia(?)

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, insecure thoughts/relationship doubts, piv, unprotected sex  (lmk if I forgot anything)

WC: 3.1k

A/N: *gasp* im on time?! i hope this counts- reader is crying but it's not a turn-on or anything, it's kinda just something that's happening

Eddie’s band had been on tour for a month now, all his classes were online and he’d Facetime you so you could ensure he’s doing his work but you still miss him. He’s supposed to come home in a week and you don’t know what you’re going to do. You’ve been stressed out of your mind without his calming presence, you’ve told him about some of your stresses and he’s helped but you’re starting to feel like you’re just putting a dampener on his tour so you stopped. 

You miss him so much it’s heartbreaking. You knew it would be hard, after being with Eddie for two years now you guys have never spent more than a week apart. You thought though, that after being with him for so long you’d be fine, you’d saved up enough ‘Eddie Time’ to get through the month. You couldn’t have been more wrong. 

He was nice enough to let you stay in his room for the month, and you never noticed how big his bed was. You actually used to complain that it isn’t big enough for the both of you but now the only thing you can think is how big it is. If this bed was really made for one person then why is it so big? 

Your math homework is scattered on the floor, thrown off the bed in a fit of frustration. You miss him. It’s not that he could’ve done the math for you or anything but he’d make you feel better at least, help you google it and try to figure it out, maybe make you feel like less of a dumbass. But he’s not here. You sigh into his pillow before inhaling his faint scent, tears almost springing to your eyes. 

You try not to tell him too much about how deeply your yearning for him goes. You don’t want him to feel bad for leaving, you couldn't be more proud of him for booking this little tour and you’d never want him to stay back for you… but it wouldn’t hurt if he could make a little more time. These past few weeks you’ve barely been able to keep him on the phone, only being available for a few minutes before having to run into a meeting, a practice session, or a vocal lesson. Apparently, he tried to cram all of his meetings and such into this week so that he could spend his last few tour nights getting shitfaced. 

He had told you the plan in a rushed and staticky call while he was in an elevator, that was the only free time he had for you, his girlfriend. An elevator ride.

So now you’re in his favorite pair of panties and one of his shirts in case he wants to video call. He gave you piles of silly promises of video-chat sex, you laughed at them when he made them but started craving them after the first two days. He called you on the Wednesday of his first week gone with plans for ‘sex’ but ended up a bit too tired. That was the only time he called… You’re still hopeful though. 

You try your best to hold back your tears as you press your face into his pillow. You jump when you hear the front door unlock but when you check the time you realize it’s just Wayne. He doesn’t mind you being here, you make your own dinner and buy groceries sometimes, other than that you guys don’t really interact so you stay where you are, sniffling into Eddie’s pillow. Unfortunately, you miscalculated how loud you were because suddenly Eddie’s room door opened and your body froze. You’re waiting for him to make some awkward attempt at a soothing, comforting conversation, muscles tense with the promise of embarrassment. 

“Man, I don’t even get a ‘hi’?” Eddie.

Your head whips up from the pillow and your heart breaks at the way his smile drops along with his bags as he rushes to your side of the bed. “What’s wrong? Did Wayne say some-” You’re sitting up and crashing your lips into his with a sob, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling his body to press against yours. You’re still getting up, wanting to be as close to him as you can and now kneeling on the bed, almost his height as he’s standing. You’re gripping the sides of his face, whimpering into his mouth as he coos into yours and his hands are around your waist, pulling your body into his.

You only pull away once you begin to feel light-headed from the lack of oxygen and even then you’re still pressing kisses all over his giggling face. He has to wrestle you into a hug to get you to stop, laughing into your ear with his chest bouncing against yours. “So you missed me?” He says with a cocky tone, but when he pulls away to smile at you there’s a genuine vulnerability in them that you’re in love with. 

You kiss him again, a little peck before smiling against his lips. “I missed you so much, Eddie.” Your voice cracks with emotion and his arms tense around you for a moment before lifting to cup your cheek and pulling you in for a slow, romantic kiss. His tongue slides over your lips before slipping into your mouth and relearning your taste. You can already feel yourself melting for him, all your bones turning to jelly and dampening your panties. You’re pulling him down already, trying to get him in bed and he’s laughing. 

“Slow down, baby! I-” You kiss him again, a silent beg for him to just get in bed with you. You bring your hands into his hair and whimper against him as your hips twitch in the air just from his taste. You slide your tongue into his mouth this time, earning a shocked moan from the back of his throat as your tongue slides against his, admiring its softness and the moans the action elicits from him. His hands leave your body as he fumbles with his belt. He’s nodding subtly and subconsciously against you as he gives in to his needs. 

You can hear him growing more unrestrained as he takes his pants off, his breaths quickly speed up and become heavier. His movements get a bit fumbled and frantic as he tries to kiss you and get his long legs out of his skinny jeans. He ends up crashing on you, tripping over his pants, and landing half on you half on the bed. He’s giggling intermittently, still trying to drown his lips in yours. You’re grinning wildly at his desperation, happy that he needed you as badly as you needed him.

“Calm down, sweetheart.” You chuckle half-heartedly against his neck once he gets his leather jacket off. He’s left in his wife beater, boxers, and chains, climbing over you, hands roaming every part of your body. He has this animalistic look in his eyes, one you’re sure matches the look on your face. You wrap your arms around his waist, running your hands lightly up his back and smiling at the way he shudders as his eyelids flutter. His hand comes up to rest beside your head as he lowers his crotch to yours, holding eye contact and groaning once his pulsing cock comes in contact with your hot core. 

He leans back and reaches down for the hem of the t-shirt- his t-shirt that you’re wearing and pulls it up. He has to apologize for the way his hips jerk against yours, thrusting him against your covered pussy like he was actually fucking you, but he couldn’t help it, not when you’re wearing these panties. He leans back down and presses his forehead against yours to let a ragged groan out against your face. Your hips twitch into his slowly building pace at the sound.

“How-” He cuts himself off with a groan and buries his face in your neck, muttering praises and kissing the skin there before coming back up. “How can you tell me to- to calm down when you know-” One hand comes down to the band of your panties, reaching between your thighs to pull the elastic there and snap it against your sensitive skin. “You know you’re wearing these… hm? Explain that, sweetheart.” He says the last tone with a drop of venom, teasing the nickname you used for him earlier while purposely grinding his tip into your clit so he can watch you stumble over your answer. 

He chuckles and pulls away once he’s had enough of your silent, trembling lips, trying desperately to form words for him. He pulls his boxers down to his thighs and takes one leg out before pulling on the elastic of your panties again. “Are you just gonna watch or do you wanna get undressed too, my love?”

He says it with a smirk but there’s something about it that’s more loving than teasing as it has a new heat blooming over the one that’s already resting in your stomach. You’d been just staring at him, admiring him as he undressed and you’re sneaking peeks at him even now, as you take your panties off. He smiles at your struggle to take them off, wiggling on your back to shimmy them around your thighs and he’s climbing back over you the second you have them off. 

“Been needing you so long, baby.” His statement sounds so genuine as he strokes his cock against your entrance, the tip nudging into your messy hole on every other stroke. It’s a tease but Eddie doesn’t even mean for it to be, he’s just mesmerized by the way his cock is just crying into you, pouring everything he has into your perfect little hole. He groans and has to shut his eyes, a bit worried at how the thought makes his cock throb. He looks up at you for assurance once more and his face crumbles at the way you’re already staring at him. You’re giving him the big pretty eyes, the sweetest face you have, begging him to put it in, to fill your every crevice with his thick cock and he gives it to you before you can even blink. 

He thrusts his hips forward, plowing his way through your tight ring of muscle, groaning at the way you squeeze his cock and the way your hands are gripping his shoulders, looking for purchase from the pleasure he’s assaulting you with. You try to stay calm, you keep your limbs from shaking, your eyes from rolling back and you’re trying to keep your face neutral but his cock twitches inside you once, and your entire resolve breaks. A shiver runs up your spine as you curl in on yourself and groan his name while pulling him down to lean into his neck. You can’t see the way his eyes roll back at your breath on his neck but you can feel the way he’s already shaking against you. His arms give out, dropping him to press flush against you with a grunt. He apologizes mindlessly, his hips never stopping their steady pace. 

You are surrounded by him, floating away yet grounded by him. You love him so much and he’s been gone for so long. You’re overcome with joy at finally having your boy back in your arms, moaning sweetly into your ear, his adorable little body shaking against you as he fucks his desperate cock into you. He didn’t even know you were missing him so much but he came home early anyway, ready and wanting for you. You feel embarrassment nip at your belly as tears spring to your eyes. You try to bury your face in his shoulder and ignore it, let him keep fucking you as much as he needs. 

You don’t want him to stop and if he sees you’re crying that’s exactly what he’ll do. You’ve never felt so consumed, so wrapped and completely enveloped in love before. You only started to even understand what love was when Eddie started loving on you. You’re so grateful for him and everything he is and his dick is sliding into you so perfectly. He’s bullying your G-Spot every time he thrusts in, his fat tip hitting your most sensitive spot and turning your brain to mush with every movement. 

Your tear slides down your face when he moans your name into your ear like a prayer, like you’re the best thing he ever has or will have. It falls onto his shoulder and rolls off his arm, he slows for a moment, his moans turning into muted pants as he listens and observes. His hips slow even more when he takes in your shaking hands and trembling shoulders. He tries to pull your head from his neck, his pace more of a lazy thrust now but you refuse and that’s what makes him stop completely. “Baby?”

His voice is shaking and scared, his hand is trembling on the back of your head, softly cradling it. You whine into his neck and lift your hips, sinking his cock back into your hole with a hushed moan as Eddie clamps his eyes shut, bites into his lip, and presses his hands on your hips, forcing them back down to the bed. “Can’t fuck you if you’re crying, my love. What’s-” You cut him off with a shaky whimper at his term of endearment and try to explain yourself. 

“Still wan’ it.” You whine to him like that’s the most obvious thing in the world. His hips twitch against you before his cock slowly slides out and back in again. “Yeah?” He questions before speeding up a bit, still keeping a tame, relaxing pace. Your muscles un-tense and your head falls back, exposing your neck to Eddie who happily dives in. “Yeah..” You sigh out as he starts pressing air-light kisses to your sensitive skin. 

“Jus’ missed you so much, Ed.” He whimpers into your neck at the confession and his hips speed up just a fraction. “Needed you all the time but-” You whimper as he bites your skin gently, choosing to use a bit more force on some parts. “But you were so busy- an’-” You moan and dig your fingers in his hair as you feel the coil in your stomach begin to draw in, slowly tightening from Eddie’s thrust and your outpour of emotion and love. “An’ now you’re here and you’re so perfect and so good, Eddie.” Your eyes roll back as you lock your legs behind Eddie’s waist forcing him to keep his cock pressed into you fully, making you feel so full. His thighs are jumping at your words- so innocent but somehow have more effect on him than any dirty talk he’s heard before. 

He pulls his head out of your neck, little droplets of water littering his long lashes. “Missed you too, doll.” His words are a rough whimper against your lips before he dives in, his hips now moving at a new speed, reinvigorated by your love. He’s kissing you messy, basically just pressing his lips against yours and fucking you, your tongues are everywhere, trying to taste everything and making a mess of both of your faces, all while his hips fuck into you with mind-blowing precision, sending tsunamis of pleasure through your bones on every thrust. 

The coil in your stomach tightens even further, reaching the point of no return as your legs tighten around him again. You try to calm down, to keep your pussy from fluttering around Eddie but his knowing chuckle in your ear breaks your resolve, and your pussy spasms around him. “Yeah. Felt like you were trying something.” He reangles himself and adjusts his thrusts, changing them to a slow, hard grind so he stimulates your clit, bringing you to the edge closer than you expected. 

Your hands fly to his shoulders, your nails grip him and he groans against you, his eyes rolling back with a gut-wrenching smirk on his face. “Mmm- Mark me up, sweetheart. I-” He breathes out a desperate breath of air, inhaling you instead with a strained whine before dropping into your neck again. His hips grow a bit frantic and his whines turn to rabid grunts as he fucks into you with everything he has, trying to hold off his orgasm as you moan and twitch around his overly sensitive cock. 

“Cum all over me, baby.” It’s a request and Eddie was ready to beg but you let go at his first utterance. You explode all over him, he has to reach up lightning fast to slap his hand over your mouth as your eyes cross and you moan, completely debauched into his hand. He grunts out against his hand, biting his lip to try and hold his sounds in as you soak his dick, squeezing him erratically as you cum. He tries to hold back, let you finish basking in your orgasm before pouring his seed into you but your muffled sounds are too much. He whines out curses and moans of your name against the back of his hand as you moan for him into the other side. 

His hips slam into yours one last time to push himself as deep as he can go before his cock explodes. He doesn’t know how he had so much cum inside him but he’s sure it’s going to overflow. He can’t even think as his orgasm tears through him, he can hear you encouraging him distantly and it forces another load to rack through his body. His balls are painfully tight as he tries to give you everything he has, completely empty his balls into you. It’s all for you anyway. He lets you know too, it’s the only thing he’s able to mutter to you as he cums. “S’all f’you, baby. All for you.”

He whimpers against you with a few more tremors shooting through his body before wrapping his arms around your waist and rolling onto his back with a sigh. You giggle softly and try to climb off of him but you get a groan of protest. “Eddie, m’heavy, baby.” You smile as you speak, letting your fingers run over his wet, pink lips. He snorts in response. “Liar.” He readjusts his position, sinking into the bed some more, wrapping his arms tighter, and falling asleep. You pretend to be upset that you’re left with no option but to cuddle with him until you fall asleep in his arms. 

Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed it, here's the rest of my Kinktober Works, and be sure to check out my Main Masterlist!!

[quillkiller]

u're thinking about blackcest. im thinking about blackcest. u're thinking about blackcest and james. i have not thought about them yet but now i really want to. could u. could u share some of ur thought about them? the jersey post is haunting me i need to understand

i would love to…..

(okay, so this was born from yapping in the very newly made group chat ’couples conglomerate’ which is me, kara (@/sugarsnappeases), lane (@/sixlane) and renn (@/velanavis). it’s nowhere near coherent and just the four of us going crazy … 🤍 but i’ve also been obsessively thinking about it so not all of this from the gc!!!)

picture this: james, lonely and greedy only child meets the black brothers at some boarding school (im thinking a university ??) somewhere in england. this is some secret history typa ordeal. james & sirius immediately hit it off and become best friends, + that they’re both 1+ years older than regulus, so sirius would obviously meet james first. the black brothers are still from the noble most ancient house of black. sirius is heir, regulus is the spare. sirius is the ever charismatic older brother, heir, confident, smart, beautiful and everyone has always been drawn to him. this hasnt been a problem before because they’ve always been very isolated and only had each other at the end of the day. maybe they were home-schooled. regulus is the lesser version of sirius, the spare, lacks his older brothers natural charm, has been taught to stay out of sirius’ way his whole life, to take after his brother, to observe him and watch him, be his shadow. regulus follows sirius and sirius leads. regulus hasnt necessarily been too overly possessive and obsessive (<- he has been, just not to his knowledge) over sirius before he starts university because at the end of the day sirius would always come back to him (for him, in regulus’ mind). only now sirius is leaving for university and he’s going to live somewhere else. sirius is excited, regulus is not. sirius meets james and it’s love at first sight and sirius wont! shut! up! about! him! he doesn’t even spend the whole breaks at grimmauld !!!!! and regulus miss him, needs him, craves him, sleeps in his shirts, uses his toothbrush, cry-wanks over it, etc etc etc

regulus eventually attends the same university and ends up meeting james. he hates him, is jealous of him, obsessively observes him interacting with his brother, convinced that they’re fucking (<- they are), and he developes a perverse pseudo-incest self hating crush on james because 1. no one is immune to james, 2. he stole his brother away, 3. sirius likes james and regulus has been raised to follow his brothers footsteps/think like him. it’s basically pavlovian. he wants james because sirius has james, he wants james because sirius wants james, he wants to know what james is doing to his brother, jacking off to pretending he’s in his brother’s place. wants to ruin sirius’ life, wants to have sirius’ life, wants to be the only thing in sirius’ life. <- he’s also projecting his feelings for sirius onto james in a bad attempt at denial :/ pseudo-incest jegulus save me….

what we mostly yelled about in the gc is the concept of a fucked up throuple / love triangle typa situation where both brothers are sleeping with james, and james being the spoiled and greedy only child who wants the black brothers set. <- which turned into a conversation about slughorn and the slug club and the three of them being members…. and maybe even the possibility of james killing slughorn out of pure possessiveness. jame sort of treating them like his collector items, juggling both brothers, knowing there’s this repressed incestuous miserable yearning between them that neither of them will act on / and using james to get it out of their systems. he wouldn’t even want them to work out their issues… <- which is where the jersey would play a part…. james wearing sirius’ jersey while fucking regulus or vice versa. the blackcest of it all is sort of unspoken between the three of them, but they all know. 🤍 after james is killed by slughorn sirius and reg end up actually fucking for the first time after the funeral and then they never speak again… 🤍

me and kara also talked Lots about a modern au blackcest dynamic today but this is so long already…. another time xx

[willbyersenthusiast]

since i won’t shut up about Found Heaven, here’s a list of songs i think are very byler coded:

Found Heaven (the title track)

Alley Rose

The Final Fight

Miss You

Forever With Me

Eye Of The Night (kind of)

Winner (kind of)

and yk what while i’m here im gonna explain the reasons i think so;

Found Heaven:

i already explained this in a previous post (idk how to link them so have fun scrolling) but i will give a brief explanation; the song is about internalized homophobia and it’s basically conan telling his younger self it’s okay, or at least that’s how i perceive it, so i see this as a mike wheeler song. it can be will too but will is more out of the closet than mike tbf.

Alley Rose:

this one is kind of more about yearning and wanting but not before the relationship, it’s after it. they’re also kind of nervous around each other (especially mike) in season 4. the line “i waited all year at your feet like maybe you’d love me” is so them because they both waited for the other to reach out when Will moved to Lenora.

for the bridge, will is so worried about his best friend hating him because he’s gay and in love with him. “i thought if you’d ever leave me that i’d be the reason why.” and will again for the last little bit of the bridge saying “i swore hands were made for fighting, i swore eyes were made to cry, but you’re the first person that i’ve seen whose proven that might be a lie.” it’s kind of self explanatory in a way because will grew up in an abusive household. and for “don’t leave me hanging alone again.” i feel it fits both of them but also mike, because mike told will he felt like he was losing him and he wanted to be best friends again in s4

The Final Fight:

i feel like this one says how will wants to tell mike how much mike hurt him, and how he really upset him. he probably wants himself to get over mike and thinks this will help him (but it’ll just make mike confess😏 [hopefully].

Miss You:

this one makes me think of Mike telling Will how he misses him and how he felt like he “lost you or something.” and how “it’s not hawkins without you.” in season 4. and he knows he’s been a douche a little asshat (you can tell i’m a little upset with this mike lmao) but he wants “to be friends again. Best friends”

Forever With Me:

holy fucking shit this one. this song. i see this as Will yearning for Mike and wanting to be with him forever. “I ain’t sorry, though i should probably be. I think i’m gonna love you. You’re forever with me.” THIS SCREAMS WILL BYERS. “you are the reason i learned to love. Also the reason i cry” holy fucking SHIIIITTTT

Eye Of The Night:

i perceive this song as “this person haunts me. i see them everywhere and i can’t escape them” so it kind of reminds me of how they like always come back to each other? idk this one just kinda makes me think of them 💀

Winner:

this song (mainly just the pre-chorus and the chorus) makes me think of the rain fight. Will’s pov to be specific. i see it as Will saying “yeah you won you made me feel like shit, are you happy??” ykwim? OH AND THE SECOND VERSE “yet you have the nerve to miss me. how do i somehow feel guilty when you’re the one who let it get this bad” HOLY SHIT THATS LITERALLY THEIR FIGHT AT RINK-O-MANIA. like mike blaming will for not reaching out in the heat of the moment and therefore will blames himself too.

anyways that’s my little rant done GO STREAM FOUND HEAVEN ITS AMAZING AND IT HAS SUCH A DAZZLING 80S VIBE ITS MY FAVORITE THING RN GO LISTEN TO IT PLEASE ITS LIFE CHANGING

[todorroki]

Love Sea ep 6 thoughts

the way this show loves to go from backstory → sweetness → [fire emoji x10] should be studied fr

this post is gonna be mega scattered thoughts sorry

i did NOT notice until this episode, but tongrak lives by water which is so fitting.

i know we're trauma dumping in the first 10 minutes, but can i just appreciate the lighting in this scene. again, i don't know a single thing about cinematography, but like the warm glow behind mut and the cool tones of rak's shot being hit with a subtle warm light. is it intentional? I DONT KNOW!! i don't even know if what i'm saying makes sense LMAO but i feel Something. also plus points for showing peat's beautiful eyes. i love seeing them in the light.

and the cuddle scene in bed after this is so chef's kiss. I TOO WANT TO LAY ON FORT'S WARM CHEST!!!!!!

tongrak's mannerisms are so cute like the snuggling, the pouting, etc. i think peat accentuates that so well too (or am i being biased again idk idc)

please this part...... UUUUOOOOGGGGHHHH mut holding rak's hands down, the slow build up to kiss, rak with his tongue out ready to go..... fortpeat know how to dial it up!!!!! their tension is crazy

also thank u for the thighs. i love thighs. fort's thighs in those jeans. and peat's are always out in this series thanks to the short shorts.. brain food.

i want khom's green fit so bad like THE PASTEL and my favorite color. i'm wondering if we'll get to see connor at all besides his voice. in the novel, he shows up with khom during this part.

i'm glad we're getting to see more of rak and vi's friendship. i feel like there's been a lack of that so far so this short scene is good to solidify their closeness. also the way peat smushes his face against the pillow here is SOO cute. he plays cute pouty kitten characters so well.

also vimook... THEY'RE SO UNSERIOUS!!!!!!!! PLEASE mame what is ur plan for them bc i am literally the mf crying emoji seeing their progression. the show is already deviating from the novel (they have extra scenes in the series iirc) so i don't know what to expect.

BRING HIM BACK TO THE WATER!!! HE BELONGS ON THE ISLAND. mut in the city but near water... so close yet so far....

also finally we get meena aka we're truly starting the conflict of this story. i really have to praise nina. fortpeat have said before she's good, but i've never watched anything she's in so i didn't know but yes. she is GOOD. kid/young teen characters can be super hit or miss and i think nina hits it out of the ballpark. she's VERY natural and comfortable with her line delivery and expressions.

i think one of peat's strongest points as an actor is his display for yearning. he's so ridiculously good at internal panic.

also how can i NOT mention the face-fucking nc at the end!!! after getting interrupted twice (once last ep and during the mid-way point of this ep) i was like we have to get Something right? AND WE DID RAAAH I LOVE WINNING!!!!! love sea truly does make me feel like im constantly winning in the nc department.

SHOUTOUT TO PEAT ACTING A CUTIE (and leg... i love leg)

anyways i will be gushing abt fp for a second here LIKE OOH MY GOD THEY ARE JUST SOO SOFT TOGETHER LIKE

DOMESTICITY!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROMANCE!!!!!!!!!!!! COMFORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY CAN DO IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

idk if mmy will have anything for them after this (i think they hinted at SOMETHING but it's most likely not a series) but i need some casting person out there to see them and be like "YES FUCK WE'RE HIRING" LIKE IM GONNA NEED MORE AFTER THIS SERIES PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE the way they fit together..

[scoonsalicious]

THIRD DAY IN A ROW, mother pookie, thou has delivered. AGAIN!!

🩷🩷🩷

OUR MAN BUCKY BARNES HAS REAPPEARED. LET US REJOICE TO THE UPCOMING GROWTH HE SHALL PROVE

Now let me tell ya that I shed some tears at part 3-4. REAL TEARS. I had to read it twice because it was TOO GOOD.

Real footage of me crying btw

So my question has been answered, SHE IS PREGNANT. I was skeptical with that theory but poisoning sounds too weird for it to prolong that long (😂). But i wasn’t sure. Pookie you are indeed the mastermind. I cried when Pocket broke down because let’s be real, if the thing between Bucky and Cunthage didn’t happened (Cunthage didn’t fucking exist), Pocket would actually care for the baby. She’s frustrated, she’s hurt, she’s disappointed, she’s at her lowest point.

When she woke up, finding Bucky there, it’s like she’s snapped into a defensive mode. She have/make this mindset where Bucky would hurt her (but in truth she’s the one who’s hurt because she YEARNS for him but is in denial — so by thinking that she’s hurt, she thinks that Bucky would hurt her… get it?😂). Also Bad Decision #28 wasn’t able to fuck Bucky out of her system. She wasn’t able to forget Bucky and he reappears? That’s one hell of emotion rollercoaster.

‘The nile’ is a river in Egypt, your love life cheated on you with a cunt. — The reminder in Pockets head

I love it when she told him that she’s not fucking with people to get back at him, she’s doing it to forget him. But rather than making her forget, it makes her misses him more, of the things that she lost. (Man, I bet Bucky was giggling inside because she couldn’t forget him — but ofc he’s disappointed with himself for putting her in that situation too… but… still, that doesn’t mean he cant)

We can clearly see there the love Pocket has for Bucky (man she love him so much). Salut Bucky for his patience. He’s calm and collected now, and not spouting shits like my girl, not being possessive. He control himself for Pocket. She needs him his hug — ‘just a little bit’ (you see that reference?😂) Again we’re seeing this in Pocket’s POV, but I guarantee you Bucky is this close 🤏🏻 in losing his sanity when he was called to the hospital.

One thing I like to highlight is the talk between Pocket thinking she’s not good enough for Bucky to share his issue, and Bucky not wanting to talk about it because he wants to impress Pocket by hiding his ugliness (the getting hard part) is so real. It’s easier to share something to people who is the same ‘bad’ as you but not someone who you want to impress. But the one you want to impress will interpret that he/she is not good enough/ trustworthy enough to know about your ugliness.

Btw i noticed that we focus more on the fact that Pocket really loves Bucky, but not the opposite. So now im going to say it, Bucky really love Pocket too in a way we cant see but feel. He’s trying. He’s proving. They’re similar yet different. Right now, he’s learning to understand her more (I AM NOT DEFENDING HIM😂) But as Pookie always said, both of them have their own flaws. It what made them, realistic. You can love someone so much, even when the trust is broken, but it can be mend. With time. With patience. With enough love and certainty. It all depends on you (the person who is in that situation) to prove it, to act it out (speaking from experience).

OHHHH, and the lil kiss Bucky did😭🩷 AND HER snuggling into his chest!!

🫵🏻 YOU ARE SMITTEN. I NEED MORE!!!!! FEED ME MORE😭.

So now, safely I would say Pocket spiralling will gradually died down. She’ll have a clearer head. As mother Pookie said, later on our Pocket will taunt and rub it in Cunthage face. I need her to roast cuntsy to the point she’s crying mess and beg for Bucky to defend her but Bucky being the lil shit he is will stand behind Pocket and smirk, and ask Pocket to ROAST HER EVEN MORE.

Btw did I tell you that I’ve been fantasising Bucky and Cunthage showdown? Yeah I did, and again, I need Bucky to punch the shit out of her.

Man, I can’t wait for the revelation

And also, I miss sexy time between Pocket and Bucky😫🥹

Our sexy macho biting his lips nyum🤍

Anyways, as always I wuv you Pookie. I love you just like how Pocket loves Bucky. Its — thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttt — much. Surprise me more with your mind.🩷🩷🩷

PS// I RAN OUT OF CAT SMOOCHY GIFS RAGHHHH

POOKIE <3

Our Bucky has returned stronger than before! He's still working on things, but he's already doing heaps better!

He's accepted the consequences-- he knows she has no business forgiving him, and he'll take it, which I felt was a really big step for him. He's no longer promising "I'll do whatever I can to fix it." It's now "I fucked up. I get there is no fixing it. I accept whatever you decide, and I'll live with your decision, because I respect you." NGL, parts 3 & 4 made me tear up, too. You are not alone.

I *really* tried to sell the 'Pocket was poisoned' lie because people clued into her being pregnant so quickly, lol. I tried to mislead you all! And no, if Cunthage hadn't happened, she'd be so fucking happy to be having his baby, let's be real. They'd be getting married and Tony would pretend to be so annoyed by it all, but secretly, he'd be over the moon to become an uncle and would throw her the most extravagant, lavish wedding the world's ever seen. And Pocket would fucking love that baby, because it was hers and Bucky's, and they'd be doing it together.

She's tried so hard to get over him, to forget about him, but despite everything he put her through, she just can't. She's kind of starting to realize now that maybe it's fruitless to try. So, finding out he's there, that she was pregnant, but suddenly she's not, all at once-- that's a lot. She shut down in the moment, and just got nasty because she didn't know what else to do.

You know, Bucky was actually not happy when she told him about not being able to forget him, no matter how many guys she's slept with. It hurt him to know how much he hurt her, that she felt that was something she needed to do to cleanse herself of him. He's remorseful. A tiny part of him might be hopeful-- if she can't get him out of her system, maybe there's a chance for them yet, but he isn't putting a lot of stock into that right now. He's just miserable that she's miserable.

When Bucky got that call from the SHIELD medical center, he damn near lost his shit. All he heard was that they found her in the safehouse, unconscious in a pool of blood. I don't even want to know what was going through his head. Something we don't see, because it's not a Bucky POV fic, lol, but he went to leave to be with her, but Steve tried to stop him from going, not thinking it was a good idea for him to just show up without warning Pocket, but Bucky was too scared and too worried about her being alone to listen, so while he's made some progress, there's still a tiny bit of selfishness there. Hey, he can't be fixed overnight, lol.

Bucky was so embarrassed about the erect-while-fighting thing. I mean, it was the last thing he wanted the girl he was in love with to know about him. Like, can you imagine that conversation? "So, yeah, doll, funny story-- every time I get really into a fight, where I want to fucking kill someone, I get a boner. Totally normal and not off-putting at all, right? lol" Like, it makes him look like Ted Bundy getting off on violence or something, if Bucky knew who Ted Bundy was (Side note: I like to imagine that Pocket, like me, is a True Crime freak and made Bucky consume every TC doc, podcast, movie, and book under the sun, lol).

(Off topic: Zefron as Bundy left me uncomfortable and confused, ngl)

Regardless, Bucky was ashamed and didn't want Pocket seeing that part of him. He didn't care if others did, because what they thought of him never mattered so much as what she thought of him. Also, I realized I had included him looking guilty after the sparring session and had to go back and come up with a reason why he might look guilty that didn't have anything to do with him actually having feelings for Cunthrage, lol.

It sucks to not have Bucky's POV happening (and that's something I'm rectifying in With Friends Like These...), because it's left so much of his motivations up to interpretation. I'm hopeful that everyone will see the subtle changes in him as we go forward. There will be more conversation between them in Chpt. 26, before shit hits the fan in 27, lol. 27 is off the rails, ngl.

It is safe to say that Pocket's spiral has been fully stopped. She's done hiding and running away. I mean, she kinda can't run away from Bucky anymore, cause he's right there now, but oh well, lol. She has to confront everything. And that includes Carthage, which I confess I had a lot of fun writing, because Pocket got to be a total bitch back to her. The showdown is coming!

I also miss sexy times between Pocket and Bucky, full disclosure :( That is why I have, no lie, at least eight different smut oneshot ideas planned for them after the story concludes. Idk, they are just so silly when they hook up, but also hot? Like, they have fun together, and I feel like it's never just sex, but always deeply connected time between two people who adore one another more than anything else on the planet.

You love me as much as Pocket loves Bucky?!?! Pookie! I love YOU as much as Pocket loves Bucky! <3 <3 <3

And since we ran out of kitten smoochies gifs, please accept this photo of my cat, Elliott, giving my dog, Theo, smoochies.

[corbits-comet]

rambling bits of my psychology

I miss the ocean, always. In a sad sort of way

I mourn people and places that don’t exist anymore and maybe never did

I yearn for Florida. I love it there. ‘But the people want to hurt you’, maybe, but not in my grams old kitchen with the forest singing and bees humming. Not there. Never there

I wish I had appreciated more things when I was younger

the dinosaurs make me cry, I want to go back to them. I feel like I belong with the sea and the swamps and the forest and the sky and the stars all at once.

I’m very sensitive about my handwriting. I get sad when people make fun of it.

I’m also very sensitive about people making fun of certian intrests of mine. I have a large intrest in animals and if someone spurns that I get very upset and am liable to hold a mental grudge against them for a little while

In order to avoid idealizing people I can’t have anyone pinned on my phone. It triggers some weird codependency Clause in my brain

I have a lot of beliefs about the way the world works around me and spirituality and things like that as well as a deep and resounding connection to nature, but I usually dumb this part of me down to its simplest form or hide it away completly. My freinds are not spiritual in the slightest and so I keep this large part of me to myself. For now

I like the rain and the wind and the clouds its my favorite

my heart gets really warm sometimes and it feels all sparkly and I feel everything in me dissipate to warmth like apple cider and my brain starts to mellow and buzz at the same time and I want to smile and skip and dance until I find the thing I’m happy about and hug it for the rest of time. This is how I feel about my freinds and my special intrests

I’m not always quite me. Sometimes I become a bit of someone else I think, I’m not all there. I’m very mean when I’m like that, very mean, I pick fights with the people I care about when I’m like that. I feel horrible about it every time.

im a little floaty sometimes, untethered, it’s almost impossible to get my attention, it’s not that I don’t hear you or see you trying to talk to me it’s just that I’m trying to claw myself back into my body so I can respond.

I’m very susceptible to misinformation, suggestion and propaganda. I’m not ashamed to admit it, that stuff works on me.

It’s a joke in my freind group that I’m ’a little hater’ because I seemingly have opinions on everyone and like very few people, while this on the surface level is true there’s more too it than that and it’s actually very very complicated. I want to be nice to people so bad, I want to see the good in everyone and be kind and understanding even if I don’t like someone and still say hi to them and stuff and talk. But I tried that for a really long time and it got me into some fuck ass situations and honestly my life was fucking awful. My freinds sucked. My best freind for years defended the person who threatened my life and said it was my fault. We were 11, the other kid was 16. And I still stayed freinds with her after that because I cared and I understood and she just wanted freinds, I got it. And i still get it. Every single person who I’ve ever said I’ve hated I understood them. I knew why. And I knew why despite their justification and reasoning and psychology, why I still hated them. They will grow with time, but it’s not my job to foster that. I cannot always be kind because when I have been I got my life torn apart because of it. I’m still good freinds with some people have hurt me badly in the past, I give so many second chances, and am quite actually very forgiving. To the people that are worth forgiving.

I really love humidity. It feels like home.

music has a profound and important place in my life, same with reading and movies (although I don’t have much time for either of those anymore). It has molded my psychology and my views on life. It dragged me out of a deep deppression and got me through the worst parts of my home life.

I despise modernist abstract art. I hate it. A lot

I’m a very submersive daydreamer, I’ll spend hours and hours just daydreaming to music, usually storylines, action scenes and just nice little things. It’s quite enjoyable, I can picture it so clearly that sometimes it feels like I’m seeing things

[rarepairnation]

hiiii denethor anon here!! wow you’re really IN IT now (denethorposting). not to add more fuel to your anger but last week i saw someone say they hated denethor. and i just realised god they don’t get him even on tumblr do they. since then i’ve been silently fuming in rage. anyway… i am very Very Intrigued by both your faramir-goes-to-rivendell-au and denethor-thorongil relationship (if you ever want to write another 800 words about this, i am here for it 👀) and this line “each of them sharpens himself upon the whetstone of the other…” fuck. fucking insane actually.

unfortunately i won’t be replying for several days (i’ve had to keep my phone in another room to keep myself from getting distracted) . my exams have started AND i’m going through some shit irl :( it’s alright tho i’ll have more Faramir and Denethor Hours soon <- chanting this constantly haha. but i am with you when denethorposting IN SPIRIT okay. oh and can we please please please have denethor december? 🙏 bye will be here soon after my exams (that will be after the 23rd march i’m afraid)

hiii denethor anon <333 i am SO sorry this is so late truly attempting to figure out how to write AND see my friends AND do things like clean my apartment and go to the grocery store while working The Job...it has eaten my life. and this week my regular coffee shop switched their hours bc i live in my old college town and they are on spring break and it has sent me directly to hell. the death of My Routine…i have coped by INCESSANTLY denethorposting on tumblr dot com. i am somehow EVEN MORE in it than i was when you sent this ask. i hope you enjoy me being truly crazyinsane whenever you get a chance to look at all those posts lol. would love 2 hear your thoughts on them. but ANYWAY as always it is so lovely to see you, i'm sorry things have been tough but truly with my whole heart i bestow upon you the strength of denethor's sixty-year psychic war (with none of the associated madness) to make it through. looking at the date i hope you are free now.

here is the mandated readmore because i have never met brevity in my whole life. u said write another 800 words and i took that as a challenge um this post is like 2000 words. well...back on my bullshit

i mean this with all the love and joy in my heart but i laughed so much. no my dear friend they do not get him on tumblr. they have not gotten him on tumblr from the beginning. if you have been spared the incessant tomato jokes i truly…[crying] I Wish I Were You So Bad. this guy doesnt even know about the tumblr denethor slander (POSITIVE) (YEARNING). its the trenches out here for real. i just live in my little bubble with me and you and like four other mutuals/Denethor Understanders and that is it.

speaking of denethor and the rivendell au. i miss the days when i was working on the faramir-in-gondor scenes. emotionally it felt like dying but i kind of knew what was going on. now i am in rivendell taking and failing this history of middle earth exam. and i am so very….the next time we see denethor for real is in return of the king. now girl…how will i survive another 80k words. i miss my boy my dear darling my tortured victim of the narrative. and according to the paragraph i just wrote faramir does too but is Refusing to admit it to himself<3

im also RIDICULOUSLY torn on how i want to resolve his arc. now just between you and me. and anyone who bothers to click that read more. I DONT WANT TO KILL HIM I WANT HIM TO LIVE. GOD I WANT HIM TO LIVE. I WILL WRITE YOU A THOUSAND HAPPY ENDINGS. except its not a happy ending its a you are not allowed to die you are forced to contend with your choices you must keep living ending. because he will always be tragic no matter what. but its ALSO a you can rest now you can be at peace son of gondor you have won your war. all you sacrificed has been worth it. you have given your all when that's what duty asked you for and it has been enough. and that makes my poor heart weep.

like on one hand the idea of resolving his storyline with faramir.......the opportunity for some kind of reconciliation, some kind of understanding between them...god. delicious. i know in my heart that faramir comes home and IS the lord that denethor once dreamed of being. not playing at it...he is high and lordly and gentle and the world bends around his will and he knows exactly what to bow to and when to stand his ground and his powers are honed to a keen edge that he uses with the utmost care and. AUGH. he walks into the citadel the IMAGE of his father. it makes me feel FERAL. and how would denethor react to that. man.

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND HOW DO I END THE STORY. like. LOL. do u know what i mean. likelihood of me being able to just have a triumphant coronation and tie it all up with a bow is soooo small. the narrative contortions i would have to go through. to have denethor accept that and still be in character. Girl....no thank u <3 so we havent worked THAT out yet. like how much of the madness and despair do i want to put into the narrative. We Shall See. IM not politically savvy enough to get real into the weeds with it all so im kind of rotating just. a beautiful set of reunions with the fellowship. eowyn and faramir get engaged. boromir and faramir see all their dreams of a gondor restored come true. we skate over the political minefield and deeply navigate the beginnings of denethor and faramir's relationship in this new world. and among it all, within it all, is hope, and a new dawn. and curtain.

i got distracted but re: we are in rivendell. it IS kind of fun to think about the themes and narratives. i am pushing my Let Faramir (And Denethor) Be Numenorean + Let Numenoreans Be Weird agendas so so sooo hard and i am having the time of my life with that specifically. birds follow him around and pick up the tunes he sings. he hears the voices of the people he loves in his head. he falls into a river and after having a breakdown about it promptly decides that The River Is Testing Him And He Has Passed. he gets to rivendell and INSTANTLY knows that there is someone Very Like Him Here (its elrond. the elrond-elros-faramir connection has me FROTHING at the mouth. faramir looks at elrond and sees his father and sees every statue of elros in minas tirith and Knows that this here is the son of earendil, gil-estel, his brightest north star. elrond looks at faramir and sees his brother, his dear dead doomed brother, and every numenorean descended from him and all their sins and all their glories and yet, kind as summer, sees beauty and knowledge and a strange quiet man who carries all the weight of his country on his shoulders and yet knows him, knows the legends; perhaps the blood of numenor is not yet spent in the south)

i just think that Every Elf that meets faramir along the way is like woah...hold up. there's something up with THIS guy! men ARENT supposed to do that! not anymore anyway! galadriel is Lowkey Threatened by him. and isnt that beautiful. woman who could be queen of the earth sees god's special chosen boy and goes hang on a minute. Fuck. i think they work out their shit by the time the company leaves lothlorien but like...just thinking about how faramir lowkey blamed her for boromir's death in rotk! idk how their dynamic is exaclty gonna manifest but there's definitely some sort of similar mindreader2mindreader tension!

AND. um the idea of faramir travelling with the fellowship discovering that maybe...well. he has never wanted to be a warrior but he has been honed into a blade anyway. by his father and by necessity. and perhaps for the first time in his life...outside of gondor he does not need to be all that. he can be mithrandir's pupil without censure he can be scholarly and witty and cunning - he is all these things, in gondor. but there he has to be them, and now he can discover that yes, this is what he wants to be. and he has never let his father and the expectations of his position STOP him but there is always a weight, there is always the knowledge that your actions are disapproved of, and being away from that for a while is i just think. really good for him. see above re: he comes home the image of his father in a gentler time. keep honking im sitting in my car crying about denethor ii twenty sixth steward of gondor.jpg (<- my greatest creation PLEASE click the link lol)

ALSO IM THRILLED YOU LIKED THAT WHETSTONE LINE LOL i kind of blacked out when i typed it on the page. i think truly the crazy thing about denethor and faramir is that they SHOULD understand each other. they know so much about each other and yet are so incompetent at actually putting it to any good use towards, you know, improving their relationship. faramir is incredibly emotionally intelligent AND can read minds AND has taken so many of what he probably views as denethor's worst traits and turned them to gentler uses. (im talking about his powers but im ALSO talking about that thing he does when he encounters frodo and sam where he plays woe is me my brother is dead and i miss him sooo much to get on their good sides. yes of course he misses boromir more than anything else in the world. no he is not above using it to his advantage. and we see the SAME THING when gandalf and pippin come to minas tirith. hey isn't it crazy that both of them use boromir as a. manipulation chip. even after he's dead. hey thats kind of fucked up actually!) and denethor is…well denethor is denethor. ok im mostly messing around and thought that sentence was funny. i think he Knows most everything that goes on in faramir's head and yet Wilfully Chooses to interpret it in the worst ways because its just soo....very I Thought I Raised You Better Than That/I Honed You To Be My Blade Stop Defying Me. and despite all that the Problem is that they understand each other right up until they don't. they know how THEY feel about each other (incredible love that they can only express in the worst ways/think they're expressing only to be spurned by the other) but cannot POSSIBLY imagine that the other feels the same way.

ive gone on for SO SO LONG ALREADY LOL but. what do i have to say about denethor and thorongil. not enough and too much all at once. they're so toxic and awful for each other they're MADE for each other they're beautiful narrative parallels they're homoerotic besties they're bitter rivals they're pawns in a proxy war they're locked at all times in a psychic psychosexual situationship. um the enemy of my enemy is kissing me with tongue. idk i have more symbolism and actual analysis especially of the denethor-ecthelion-thorongil Issue. but we are just getting into it. so i will start with the situations bc i have two angles for this. on one hand i do think it is very fun if they constantly homoerotically circle each other for years and years and never do a THING about it. like...this is a stitching up wounds wiping blood off each others faces battle couple/situationship situation that THEN turns into a ridiculously high functioning political rival partnership bent together over books long into the night catching each others eye in council meetings using their very real disdain for each other for Manipulation Purposes and getting uh. SO hot over it. like.....Do You Know What I Mean. just. truly unresolved sexual tension THROUGH THE ROOF. it DELIGHTS me. they are always putting themselves in situations. and then NOT making out about it. AND THEY CAN READ EACH OTHERS MINDS!! THE WHOLE TIME!! SO THEY KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH THEY WANT EACH OTHER AND STILL ARENT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!! like thats just really good. but on the other hand.......the idea of just an absolutely terrible beautiful toxic rivals with benefits codependent situationship. i hate you so much and you know what we DO need to make out about it. every time they fuck it is a power play and they are having SO much fun with it. they will both start arguments with each other (AND IN PUBLIC TOO) just so they can fight and make up. the mind reading...Oh You Know What I Mean. taylor swift voice we had this big white city all to ourselves we blocked the noise with the sound of i need you and for the first time i had something to lose! logically thorongil is not yet in his grubby ranger era but the idea of him being dirt smeared all the time and hanging out with prim proper polished denethor. in the fic (which does exist and DOES follow the second model) theres a scene where hes just chilling with his head in denethor's lap and denethor is actually rather delighted and devoting ALL of his copious braincells to pretending not to be. Man. well never say im not a slut for contrast. and now the rest of what i could say is simply straight up redacted for indecency so it is time for this post to be over. the last thing i have to say is that it absolutely ruins denethor's life forever when thorongil up and leaves. sometimes a situationship....anyway. MUCH LOVE TO YOU AS ALWAYS yes we will have denethor december i already have an url saved.

[myheartisonthetrain]

i feel really bad.

so i have an ex best friend (im gonna call her 🦊) and one of my current friends still talks to her, i asked her how she was as a half joke and he responded with saying she's more confident and happy and in a relationship and i cried <33

i regularly have dreams about her where we either made up and are friends again and we reintroduce ourselves or we never fell out and are just happy. my bad person urges are so loud i want to sabotage everything she has but unfortunately i have self control and won't be doing that ^_^

i have a fear that i was actively making her worse by being trying to be positive and help and i was draining her energy which made her feel stupid and hopeless and alienated which she sort of vaguely explained but i got the impression it was mostly because i dated her ex (whoopsie) then again she made it very clear how mad she was at me that makes me think there was definitely pent up anger and resentment before then :( i'm so sorry 🦊 i would ditch all my friends for you honestly i'm that pathetic you're the only person who understood me

slightly off topic but because of friendship fallouts i've made quiet promises to myself to never:

- get angry with someone because they date my ex; i can unfriend them but they have to know that they can love and try with whoever they want because they shouldn't have to choose between me or someone else just because it didn't work out between me and them (sidenote i'm friends with both my exes 😭 but if we ever need space from each other we totally understand)

- prioritise someone just because i've known them longer. this one's childish but i'm someone who moves around a lot and doesn't keep many friends, close friendships can form over days or years depending on the people and everyone's different. i'm not gonna miss out on strengthening my bond with others just to keep the closer ones afloat

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

okay after writing that all out i now understand why i don't keep friends, can't relate to people, get attached after a friendship's ended and i'm going to cry more now goodbye !! i wasn't made for friendship culture and teenage drama i was made for rotting and yearning and being mischaracterised because i think maybe friendships and any kind of relationships are about pushing and pulling and not about being equally balanced in a synchronic way like how i thought it was

i'm way too sensitive dawg if someone pulled or pushed me i wouldnt push back i'd just fall over

i'm just like my mum aren't i

[starrylothcat]

hi! i sent in two recs a couple of hours ago, but I don't remember if I gushed about them. i thought it would be better to be safe than sorry, so here are four recs (two of them are the repeats, and two are new as a form of an apology if I did do it but forgot that I did)

FIRST

@stealingpotatoes has some wonderful AUs and I can't just choose one, so here is the most recent work of the 501st and Obi-Wan celebrating Anakin's birthday on the road.

https://www.tumblr.com/stealingpotatoes/722258808904335360/need-everyone-to-know-this-is-probably-my?source=share

i just LOVE the art style!!!! star wars is a comfort, and something about this art style gives "fresh baked cookies out of the oven during summer break back when you were a kid" vibes. plus some of the fanart is so funny I laugh out loud not just a nose exhale.

SECOND

my favorite thing by @projectorthus is the annual comics for bo-katan week (reminder this year's bo-katan week is aug 14-20!!). this is the last entry for last year's week

https://www.tumblr.com/projectorthus/693214982054297600/last-day-im-so-happy-this-happened-again-this?source=share

bo-katan is one of those characters that gets misread all the time by the fandom (very crosshair of her. or maybe that's very bo-katan of crosshair since she came first) she is one of the most complicated characters out there, but unfortunately star wars canon does not want to touch that. which is why I am always thankful for the annual comics. it fleshes out bo-katan, and we get to see one iteration of her difficult history. plus I love how bo-katan's eyebags are basically a part of her AND we get more works under the bo-katan kryze x fenn rau ship

Ok now for the non-repeats

Anyone who's part of the clone side of the fandom probably already knows about shy, but still gotta do it. I LOVE @shyranno tbb fanart. I LOVE the downtime comics. my favorite one is the latest one

https://www.tumblr.com/shyranno/705438567285063680/they-call-themselves-the-bad-batch-happy-bad?source=share

i love seeing the batch coming together as THE bad batch. i love seeing their relationship with 99. I love that we get to see echo interacting with the batch before he joins them. i love that we know that fives loves the batch, and the bittersweet knowledge that he would have fit in with them. i love how we see omega in the distance looking at them, yearning to be with her brothers. its just ASDFGHJKL; SO GOOD YA KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING????

ok and the last one is

https://www.tumblr.com/cobaltbeam/710075394514190336/once-the-baby-always-the-baby?source=share

by @cobaltbeam this fanart was my first introduction to who alpha-17 is. it may or may not have led me down a rabbit hole and now he is in many of my clone hcs! i always imagine rex as the oldest sibling who takes no nonsense, so seeing this art of him being a baby??? love it. and I love how he can not be the old responsible one with alpha around. AND BABY REX THINKING HES ON A BANTHA IS SO ADORABLE

HELLO AGAIN ANON

I agree, Bo Katan deserves more love for sure. She’s definitely one of my favorite Star Wars characters due to how complicated she is, and what she has had to go through.

PLEASE if you do not follow @shyranno and @cobaltbeam you are seriously missing out on some amazing, amazing fanart. Baby Rex is everything. Shy’s comic may or may not have made me cry! 💕

Starry’s Spread the Love Event

[literaphobe]

I am sorry to disturb you but sometimes I stay up at night, lying awake in my bed at 3am, staring up at the ceiling as I think about how they did ladynoir dirty and I wanted to talk to someone who understands 😭😭😭

Like let adriennette happen. Let it happen. BUT AT LEAST LET THE GHOST OF LADYNOIR HAUNT THEM. Let it be a question mark. A brushed away thought. An untapped yearning. Don’t give us one tsukuyomi episode and then act as if that wiped the slate of four seasons of a situationship cleannnn 😭😭😭😭

I just feel so cheated. That season 4 finale. THE SEASON 5 POSTER. We were so sure and then we we were left with our hands empty empty empty

HI OMG!!! first of all PLEASE do not apologize because i seriously love love LOVE getting asks and i LOVE talking about ladynoir

secondly yes most of my free time is spent working on my ladynoir fic and when im on tiktok i see ladynoir edits and i am simultaneously so sad and so happy all the time. ALSO YEAH. like um i guess i get why they can't lean too heavy into ladynoir bc they are SO chemistry and we can't make them look like they're cheating on themselves but i MISS THEM and i want to see them so bad all the time. stanning ladynoir in s5 is like being obsessed w that one random side character and screaming crying throwing up when u see them show up on screen like YASSSS GO BABY GIRLS!

anyway i have decided to cope by being extremely delusional and overreading into every little thing ladynoir related on the show. and also overattributing value to every tiny interaction they have

i think ultimately no matter what we have to remember that ladynoir STILL has a romantic history and chat noir and ladybug did not fall in love with each other for no reason!! think of them rn as two people who almost dated and are now trying to be really chill and cool about the fact that they VERY RECENTLY got very uber sad and pissed about getting tricked into thinking they got married and had a family together AND now um boom suddenly they're both dating other people and its totally awesome and fun and they're not in a strange ambiguous situation anymore and now they have to NOT accidentally brush hands when theyre on patrol and this is a normal thing to think about

re the whole ladynoir arc and how things will play out I GENUINELY THINK adrienette will break up at some point bc this show IS like the drama show and it has a minimum of 3 more seasons left AND the love square is never be stable for long and ifl that will always be the message pre-reveal. like if u have 2 identities each that all constantly interact (ladynoir and adrienette) u will always eventually feel conflicted between both identities bc that's how perfect u r for each other! the whole point is that a reveal would eventually solve everything and thats why pre-reveal love square is always doomed. i love suffering btw. ANYWAY adrienette rn is interesting bc they're getting closer but also facing problems at the same time and i think their time as a couple will make them so very interesting like. as exes. SORRY im not preying on their downfall I HAVE ADRIENETTE VISIONS TOO and i think exes adrienette who r more comfortable w each other should have a fight someday where its v obvious they still want each other but idk theres like problems abound and shit. WOULDN'T THAT BE FUN <- crazy person

tldr i think the ghost of ladynoir will haunt them soon!! hopefully!! in the meantime lets be unnecessarily delusional!!!!!!!!! also lets talk about ladynoir all the time i always understand bro

[knapp-out-of-it]

those audio-roleplay videos of someone voice-acting the part of The Listener's significant other fuck me up so bad sometimes

like?? imagine being someone's #1 priority, of being unconditionally loved by someone so sweetly

bc im feeling weepy so i put on a playlist to see if that'd help, and now im SOBBING over one that had the scenario acted out be someone worriedly race home, having left work early, bc they learned you were having a panic attack and are going all "Honey?? Honey? Oh, there you are, oh no, honey" and hugging you and comforting you and like

i have NEVER experienced that

bc 1️⃣: my dad was abusive and my mom stayed with him, so he is her #1 priority over her own abused kids, i guess. and im of the opinion that?? you have kids? those kids are your #1. your love for your partner is now "unconditional" with an asterisk, with that asterisk saying "in the events of abuse or other harm to our kid being committed by their other parent/guardian, my love for you is VERY conditional". and if your partner is a good person, then, congrats, unconditional love all around, everyone can be a priority. but i didnt get to have that. so i missed out on that fundamental experience of unconditional, priotitized love from your well-adjusted parents; and knowing im my own mom's second choice fucks me up a lot. bc kids NEED their parents' love to be unconditional, they NEED to be their parent's priority in terms of relationships in that sense, them's the breaks. and i didnt get any "breaks" on this car. it fucks me up that i grew up not being enough of a priority for my mom that she wouldn't leave this terrible man, fuck any further context, that's just the full thought, period

and 2️⃣: im on the aroace spectrum (demi-romantic, very asexual). and ive never been in a romantic or queer platonic relationship. so ive, again, never been someone's true #1 priority

and so this scenario in this video, where it's all but explicitly tattooed onto the thumbnail and your own ears and eyeballs, about being so very much so someone's #1 priority?? is fucking me up a lot, ive gone from weepy to sobbing

i just want to stop being people's second choice so badly that it is a STRONG pillar (not the only one, by any means, but definitely a strong one) for why i dont want kids. bc i want to be my partner's #1 priority. i know id never abuse any kid, much less my own, or be racist or any type of -phobic towards them (transphobic, zenophobic, etc). but after a lifetime of NEVER being someone's #1??? can you blame me for being greedy and not wanting even the asterisk?

bc if my partner wouldnt have an asterisk in how they love me in tandem while we parent: id break up with them, divorce them, whatever. i grew up with a mom who didnt have an asterisk for my dad. i could not stand the idea of marrying someone like that, knowing how much worse certain traumas of mine are because of her hesitance and "both sides"-ing inaction. and id hate myself for not breaking up

so just. someday. i really want to be someone's #1 and im definitely going to hoard that asterisk-less existence of finally, FINALLY getting to be someone's priority

and this video is fucking me up in how ive gone from yearning (before the video) to now yelling in a pillow as i sob profusely (after the video)

nothing even philoshophical or life-changing happened in the video. it wasn't particularly beautiful. i just started crying with yearnful envy of wishing i could live through the plot of this video, that i had a partner to which i was such a #1 priority that they left work early and called this a "family emergency", to just hold me and comfort me as i sniffle and shake

i just

i want the future so bad. because the present (meaning: ny home life) sucks so bad. i want to wake up and be in love with the person sleeping with me, i want a big house, i want none of my abusers to hurt me again. i wish i could just snap my fingers and *poof*, be there already. bc i need a break. being nobody's priority for 20-something odd years damages your soul after a while

[lemonboyfest]

reminders

reminders for 2024:

You’re not dead yet. Get the fuck up. Drag your corpse kicking and screaming into tomorrow. One day you will stop surviving and start living

more studying, more walks, more reading, more skill-based hobbies, more experimenting w pretty fits and hairstyles, more gym, more exploring new things in general, more whole foods/healthy recipes, more financial literacy, more time management, more time off the phone, more being out the loop. nothing else matters

hrmm. well hold on now ive been filled with a sudden joy and whimsy for the world

Glowing kind of love

fuck beauty standards. someone looking at you with love in their eyes is the most beautiful thing in the world.

as a girl who is literally just a girl i am always yearning. always longing always missing always wearing my heart on my sleeve. always feeling like my heart is on the verge of exploding. the sight of the sun makes me cry. anyway

i hope that when i die there will be an apartment with everyone i’ve ever loved in it and we are together always

read a lot and read everything

film and art and music are what builds ur soul

be outside

love and romance will not come to you any quicker if you are focused on it constantly

possessions don't improve things

movement does improve things

university is <4 years of the rest of your life - make the most of it

find the pleasure in hard work

lose the pleasure in scrolling

creation is essential

joy, love & intelligence are the tenets of life

stagnation isn't inevitable. no person is in a fixed state. you can always change

i love listening to someone’s favorite song its like im mentally holding their hand

you just had an epiphany about your sexuality? just own it. you like this unpopular thing your friends don’t like? just own it. you’re trans? just own it. you’re doing something unconventional? just own it. you’re completely free to share your reasons, but you don’t have to justify why you made the decisions you made. if you disclose something and a friend makes a face, okay well that’s too bad bc that’s who you are. they’re free to leave if what makes you a person doesn’t sit right w them. you don’t need to explain the why and the how and the when as if you’re trying to outrun their disapproval. be confident enough in yourself that you don’t feel the need to owe anyone an explanation. you’re you and that’s that.

what im learning is that you cannot avoid your way into a life you enjoy

i have the opposite of that “everyone is an npc” mentality people have embraced where i’m instead like. the person next to me in line has someone they can’t wait to go home to, the person picking up their mail has felt devastation before, everyone in this grocery store is doing their sunday shopping, maybe the person that just honked at me is having the worst day of their life, my neighbor has doctors appointments and favorite foods and a song they can’t stand to hear anymore… you are all fully realized complex people and that is overwhelming me on a spiritual level…

"omg you'll post 'i need him' on the most average men" "she's mid" most of us are average and it's good that we can find beauty and desire in average people .... on god FELT. i really need to start practicing this though. i get so complacent in my complacence i listen to my friends and i try so hard to fit in i insult people for no reason there is so much more to them than their aesthetics and if i do not find them attractive then what is to say someone else doesn't why do i feel the need to invalidate why am i rude ? people are all beautiful i need to remind myself . changing

[y0shicity]

today i’m crying watching gilmore girls. i’m crying and grieving because i fully believe i could’ve been just like rory gilmore. i would’ve kept my straight A’s through high school, i never would’ve taken a interest, let alone a liking, to drugs and alcohol, i would’ve gotten scholarships and done volunteer work, i would’ve had it all. i was so close. at 10 i never thought that at 17 id be the way i am.

gilmore girls is making me cry because the thing ive missed all my life is my mother. i wish i would’ve had her throughout high school. i turned to drugs and alcohol to fill up the empty lonely space in my heart.

nothing is sadder than being lonely due to the absence of your mother. they say a mothers love is stronger than any other kind, but what about a daughters love? what about the daughters who go about their life running after their mother? the ones who watch their mothers abuse and neglect them yet still make her breakfast in bed? the ones who got a good report card and never brought it home? the ones who put their all into school in hopes that their efforts would be noticed at home? they never were.

i’m 17. i’m an addict. i’m a good student. but i can’t put my mind onto anything good because above everything i miss my mom. i have a love in my heart for her that makes me yearn for her everyday. she’s never held me in her arms while i cried, she’s never been my best friend, she’s never known my favorite color or show. but she’s still my mom and there’s a string that tugs at my heart the farther away she gets from me.

i just wish i had a mother who loved me. a mother who saw the great in me. i see myself through her eyes in a way, and all i see is bad. i know she thinks im terrible. maybe that’s why ive become terrible.

my entire life i’ve seen my mother choose her husband over me. she’s told me how he hates me, how he will do anything to get rid of me, yet stays with him and shows him the love that i deserve. because that’s what’s so sad about it, all the love that could’ve gone to me has gone to him.

to all moms out there, please show your child that you see the good in them. children who are seen as fully flawed grow into how they’re seen, children who are seen as flawless grow into how they’re seen. please, hug your child, tell them your proud, watch a movie and snuggle with them. don’t do what my mom did.

[tomystars]

[fortunatefool]

I cant wait until I'm living up north again and I have a stable career, and a warm and well kept home, and a wife, and its winter time, and were wearing sweaters we knitted together, and making breakfast at like noon bc we both took a week off work to relax and spend time together for the holidays and we're in love and its happy and soft and loving and

[deaths-wife]

**Fruits basket (2019) ending spoilers!!**

I iwas. i was nOT prepared for the ending of fruits basket. The speech Tohru's mom gives in the death flashback?? about living and growing old?? the fact Kyo watched her die??? oh my god Akitos arc?? she was so lonely that whole time?? every single character in that goddamn show has. so much. trauma. send them ALL to therapy PLEASE. I kin Isuzu which is. honestly worrying. and specifically in that scene where she finally accepts Tohru's help and just??? sobs on her????? wow. WOW. AND MOMIJI!!! I honestly wasnt prepared for him to grow up so much in s3 like physically and mentally that poor lil bunny :(( there was a serious lack of Uo-chan and Hanajima in s3 tho ngl bc i absolutely adore those two bitches (Uotani reminds me a lot of Beidou from GI i think bc of the hair, voice, and bad bih attitude so my sapphic ass dEFINITELY has a type oops)

anyway im so glad that everyone got their happy endings but. ngl that show has forever changed me and i will forever love it and ill miss that ill never get to watch it for the first time again. everyone in it grew so much, helped eachother, forgave people, it even addresses when Isuzu doesnt want to forgive Akito when most of the other Sohmas do (understandably, Akito damaged her SO much)

anyway have some of my favourite fruits basket quotes:

"Sure, the idea of forgetting does make me sad- but if that's what it takes, I'll grin and bear it... I do have one thing to ask you- if I forget you, please befriend me again?" - Tohru Honda, S1E2

"People like me cling to kind people. We seek them out. We leech them dry. That’s why I won’t involve anyone else in this. It’s better if I go it alone. I’ll keep running alone. Nobody has to understand me. It’s easier if they hate me. It’s better if I’m all alone. That’s what I decided, and I intend to stick with it. I decided I wouldn’t cry." - Isuzu (Rin) Sohma, ?

"I hate this. This is why I didn't want to get near her. She's that type of person. The type of person who makes me feel this. I wanted to burst into tears. I wanted to run to her, let myself lie in her lap- and surrender my heart to her. I wanted to whine and complain about my weakness. I couldn't do that. People like me lean on, yearn for- and take advantage of kind people.. I'm sorry! I'm going to lean on you- I'm so powerless- I'm so weak. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know!" - Isuzu (Rin) Sohma, S2E19

"It's scary to be by yourself. It's scary to be- on your own." - (to Isuzu) Tohru Honda, S2E19

"Come on carrots, I don't get what you are so embarrassed about. It's not like I'm asking you to pick up panties for her or something. Jeez." - best girl Uotani :3, ?

"When somebody is important to you, there are times where it can be hard, times when where they may feel lonely… but in the end, it's worth it. Happier, sad, together or apart, my weakness will always be.. Tohru." - best girl Hanajima <3, S1E21

"Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away, despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner, hope will return to you. Again and again." - Kazuma (Senpai/Master) Sohma, ?

"Even if the world doesn’t need us, we live for the people who do." - Kyoko Honda, ?

"I never thought I’d be praised. I never thought that day would come. I’m imperfect, warped, defective…and yet here is someone who’s praising me." - Machi Kuragi, ?

"If I keep trying, then someday… I’ll be strong enough that those memories can’t defeat me. I want to believe that there’s no such thing as a memory that’s okay to forget." - Momiji Sohma, ?

"I knew it. I knew it all along. Just as there’s rejection in this world, there are people who will reach out to you." - Kyo Sohma, ?

"When did I start thinking stupid, sappy things like that? And why? It's almost like… I'm…" - Kyo Sohma, S2E9

"She must have known that if she let go… I would never return. If I slipped through her hands, I'd be gone. And no one would be able to bring me back. She didn't erase all my pain or offer to solve all of my problems. She didn't fix everything that was broken. But that's not what I needed anyway. Not really. What mattered most was that… she stayed." - Kyo Sohma, S2E9

"I wish I could’ve lived my life without making any wrong turns. But that’s impossible. A path like that doesn’t exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time, we push forward. It’s all we can do. On our own two feet." - Yuki Sohma, ?

"I think it’s true what they say…crying, unexpectedly, does make you feel better. Without shame, like a child. When you get older, you forget about that. It’s not easy to have a good cry anymore." - Hatori Sohma, ?

"You've been sad- miserable- and so very lonely." - (to Akito) Tohru Honda, S3E9

"No- I'm scared! I don't want this! I was promised- so much more! This world- where no one needs me, where everyone's a stranger- I don't want it... No! It's too late! Don't you understand that? This world is unrecognisable. There are no promises, or bonds- no hope of eternity. I'm scared. I can't live surrounded by strangers- alone. Without any guarantee that- I'll be loved? I can't." - Akito Sohma, S3E9

"The second I cry, you'll decide you've had enough. If I complain, you'll get mad. You'll stop liking me- and throw me out of your life!" - (to Tohru) Akito Sohma, S3E9

"Akito- please, don't cry. It's alright. Everything's alright, the scary times are over. You made it." - Tohru Honda, S3E9

"I'm begging you please, do what I cant. Protect my baby girl... Sorry, honey. I guess this is goodbye. I have to go- but I pray that you'll be happy. I pray that your years will be full of people who love you. Live the kind of life you can be proud of in the end. Even if you make mistakes, or take the long way around. Live so that- when it's your time to go- people will say; "You fought well." Have lots of happy times, and sad times, and everything in-between. That's how I want you to grow old." - Kyoko Honda, S3E12

ok thats it, promise.

ik like no one will read this post so its mostly for myself but if anyone out there in the void also enjoys fruits basket- pls take this offering xoxo