#i.....literally never have for more than a month bc theyve all been guys

[pathetickuroo]

fukutora hcs bc theyre funny

- fukunaga shohei #1 lover of badddd bad bad bad movies. terrible films. not good. we're talking sharknado snakes on a plane willys wonderland velocipastor that one thanksgiving slasher film that i cant remember the name of rn (dont think abt the mechanics of it being a thanksgiving movie too hard). generally not a movie enjoyer i think but most certainly clocking in for shit that is Not Good

- tora is baffled every time but definitely not opposed to it (this guy loves cuddling on the couch i think he hits the fake yawn arm around shoulders maneuver like. regularlyyyy and fukunaga doesnt even pretend to think its silly anymore)

- "shohei this movie doesnt even make any sense" "🤷"

- tora the hugger from behind of All Time he is finding any possible excuse. "u look cold" or "makin up for lost time" or "i have practice in an hour plsss plssssss just let me have this PLSSSSSSS" (he uses that one in particular a lot) (fukunaga wouldnt have said no in the first place) (he thinks its cute so he doesnt say anything abt it)

- repressed-as-hell hs tora did not quiteee know what to do w whatever tf he had goin on so he didnt get the guts (ha) to say anything until a couple years after graduation (which he then said over text bc yokohama -> tokyo = long distance)

- fukunaga conveys thoughts in as few words as possible (which is fucking awesome btw if fukunaga has no fans it means ive died) BUT in order to preserve the meaning it sometimes takes a second to respond

- tora did Not have a good time attempting to navigate this when he was trying to confess

- bro immediately started freaking out to yaku "DUDE WHY DID I DO THAT THAT WAS SO STUPID" "omfg its fukunaga give him a second. impatient ass" "I THINK IM DYING" "jfc"

- meanwhile in tokyo fukunaga was staring at "i rly like u dude" trying to figure out if tora meant like (homie) or like (w/gay intent)

- fukunaga only ever calls tora by his full government given name when he is Displeased. tora used the pan he needed for dinner tn so now he has to wash it? taketora. tora rearranges his living room w no warning? taketora. doesnt even say it in a mean/angry tone or anything j matter of fact as all hell. honestly i think if fukunaga was ever genuinely angry abt smth hell would probably freeze over

- tora does get extremely pouty abt it tho. "shoheiii what did i do :(" "the pan" ".......OH FUC—"

- when tora first moved to yokohama he got a cat bc of course he did he graduated from nekoma. tf else was he supposed to do, get a dog? (maybe in the future)

- very very fluffy very cute very sweet tuxedo girl. her name is "destroyer" (yes really) he calls her badass on the reg and she is sooo cuddly w him. fukunaga finds all of this extremely funny

- in fact when fukunaga starts visiting suddenly destroyer doesnt gaf abt tora anymore. worse than pain of death in his opinion it is So Not Fair. first thing fukunaga does after he meets the cat is send a pic to the old nekoma gc "top 10 cats that like me more than they like their owners" tora throws a pillow at him "i RAISED her from a BABY" "did u rly" ".....NO BUT IT AINT RIGHT"

- after theyve been together a few months toras thinkin abt how fukunaga used to Never Talk Ever and he makes a joke "ha i guess i learned how to speak BODY language am i right. right shohei. thats funny right"

- fukunaga calls him taketora for a week. tora retires that joke permanently and they never speak of it again

- tora morning person fukunaga not-exactly-a-night-owl-but-doesnt-love-being-awake-at-5:30 person. one time fukunagas in yokohama for the weekend he wakes up at 6 annoyed as hell (tora got up at 5 and left for a run) bc wtf his pillow literally got up and walked away. falls back asleep wakes up again at 10 tora made not only coffee but pancakes too AND heated them up for him hes immediately like ok nvm this is fine actually no complaints (<- still gets annoyed when his human teddy bear ditches him)

- TORA BABE SAYER. hey babe thanks babe i missed u babe. but it took him foreverrrrrr (forever) to get comfortable actually saying it instead of thinkin inside so there was also (and still is) a lot of dude (romantic) bro (romantic) man (romantic).

- fukunaga doesnt like saying pet names or anything (but to be fair does he like saying ANYTHING most of the time) but does not mind being called them at all (that's a lie he thinks it's awesome and so so so sweet but when tora asks if it's okay he says he doesn't mind)

[nightgarla]

old yansim redesigns dump cuz i realized i never posted themm !!!!!! i have a wip for the 2 remaining rivals that i tolerate (osoro and asu) but idk if ill finish them

some info on them thats been rotting in my notes app for months under the cut cuz i refuse to let it go to waste \v_v/

Ayano (she/her): i didnt write a lot about her but shes more chill than canon ayano (bc i dont like the yandere trope >:[ ) shes agender and pansexual, east asian, 16 and in class 10b

Taro (he/him): hes new in town and resently transferred to the all girls school the rest of the fazgang go to with his little sister oka :3 hes transmasc and pansexual, blasian, 17 and a year above ayano in 11a

Osana (she/her): neighbors w taro and oka and has known them since they were born basically. people assume she likes him but she sees him as a brother. shes transfem and her sexuality is unlabeled, shes afrolatina and shes also 17 in 11a

Raibaru (she/they): shes a year younger than osana and is deeply in love with her, sticking to her like glue. shes shy but still very friendly with everyone. theyre a demigirl and a lesbian, east wasian, 16 and in 10b w ayano

Kokona (she/her): she has a huge crush on taro but shes kinda mean with it, she only rly hangs out with saki (her platonic gf) and does not like osana like at all. shes cis and bisexual, west wasian, 16 and in 10b.

saki (he/she/they): sakis just chill w everyone, theyve been friends w kokona since kindergarten. Hes nonbinary and aroace, south asian, and is also 16 and in 10b

Oka (they/them): theyre taros younger sister, literally oka and hanako merged together. theyre also not a rival bc thats weird!!!! anyway theyre a nonbinary lesbian, blasian, 16 and in 10b

Amai (she/he): coolest guy in school tbh. she does not like either kokona or osana bc she thinks theyre mean, but she does hang out with taro and is very close w oka :3 hes genderfluid and bisexual, east wasian, 17 and in 11b

Honestly could go on and on my notes r very long but this post is already too long ssooo

(The rewrite im p sure is set in like a fake japan/america mix county a la the baymax movie which is why no one has any specific nationalities)

[strigops]

fuck it. rundown of my dino oc's based on my various PoT mains under the cut bc i have been grade A insane abt them lately

main plotline is literally just the whole life of torya and shu. shu and his family were attempting to hunt torya when shu, being young and dumb, accidentally caused a landslide that dumped himself and torya into a shallow sinkhole. initially hostile to one another, they eventually learn to calm down and bond as two traumatized and young/impressionable social species in a confined space. by the time theyve found a way out, shu has fully accepted that torya is a part of his group, and torya is happy to no longer be alone. when shu is not welcomed back into his family after being gone for so long, he and torya leave together, and spend the rest of their lives with one another.

none of these guys can talk, or are that much more intelligent than a regular dino aside from anthropomorphism that is kinda essential to like. telling an emotional story i guess. there are a lot of miscommunications among the different dinos, but they manage, like birds or dogs who learn to understand other animals calls. theyre all just regular animals existing together.

torya: male albertaceratops (my actual main baby lol). grumpy, wary, but dedicated. was orphaned and living on his own for months when he ran into shu and his family. he never fully reintegrates himself into ceratopsian society, and he is mostly content with this. he does occasionally attempt to try his luck with the ladies and fighting rival males, but this is the extent of his contact with his own species. after making friends with shu he is weirdly tolerant of other dinos that he would probably not be if he had continued growing up in a herd, but he's not necessarily friendly. loves shu so much, and is aware that he is the only one that really understands him. outlives shu for many years due to their differing lifespans, and chooses to stay with shu's mate and their adult children, as they are still his herd.

shu: male latenavenatrix (was initially a shuvuuia until i started playing a laten and changed things, hence the name). curious, playful, but very defensive of anything Scary. was a young subadult when he met torya. was also the initiator in their friendship, and is much more sensitive to being alone. after leaving his family, he was the one to go back to torya and insist they stick together. he is also extremely defensive of torya around other strange dinos, still recognizing that he is prey and believing him to be more threatened, despite torya being much larger and stronger than shu. since he was technically older than torya when they met and grew up in a regular laten social structure, he actually has some social skills with his own species and with others, though he is still Very Weird after being best friends with a giant cow for years.

eth: female laten, shu's mate. is at first horrified by the giant cow that her new bf is besties with, but slowly gets used to him and eventually fully sees him as a member of their pack. she is slightly younger than shu, and lives for several more years after shu is gone, choosing to stay with torya and her and shu's adult chicks that have not dispersed.

abe: male pycno (was just a Generic Abelisaurid but i relented in going with a canon pot taxa). was a subadult when he attacked a fully grown torya, who gored his tail and left him with a nasty scar and a fear of torya Specifically. he respects torya immensely for this and waffles between fleeing and trying to make himself nonthreatening but somewhat friendly in his subsequent interactions with him. he is usually chased off by shu, who acts like an enraged jack russell when he spots him. torya is understandably very defensive any time he encounters abe for a long time after their fight, but their interactions lose their intensity over time until the two are simply wary, almost comfortable.

mary: female pycno, abe's mate. mildly disabled after an old leg injury, but it doesnt slow her down much. doesn't understand abe's hang-ups over eating torya, and frequently gets annoyed that he defends him. loves her weird nervous husband anyway.

cyan: male alioramus. adjusting to life alone after he and his two sisters were attacked by a much larger tyrannosaurid, leaving only him alive. he and his sisters were all closely bonded and their absence has left him deeply traumatized and reluctant to hunt. he runs into torya and shu a few times and is easily chased off by shu. he goes home to his natal territory, finding it empty, and attempts to comfort himself with some familiarity. another alio (currently unnamed) soon shows up, and he is torn between defending his territory and wanting company. haven't decided how this guy's story ends, have only had him for like 3 weeks lol

unnamed styracosaurus baby: a young bull that torya runs into, after shu's death. missing shu and seeing himself in another orphaned bull, he decides to let the little guy stick close to him and give him a better chance than he himself got.

[unfunky-and-out-of-time]

seeing a lot of reactions to ep 7 and as someone who has barely seen ep 4-6 i thought id be the perfect person to share my thoughts on it

this was more watchable than the other eps. tbh i am lowkey checked out w most of the character and seeing the ones i really liked become boring is a shame..... mm was my absolute fav and theres something about his arc this season that feels like his character is stagnating. when i thought his struggle in s3 was arguably one of the best arcs of the entire show! so yeah idk. that sucks

frenchie idgaffffffffffffff about i think he stopped being a good character after s2. tbh the show is generally at its strongest when it explores the dynamics between the characters and idk whats up but i think the writers this season got sick of it? its silly

^ adding to this. hughie and butchers dynamic is just completely gone..... kind of funny bc this is literally what its been about. imagine breaking bad but walt and jesse dont talk. the few dynamics they still remember feel like theyve been... declawed? mm and butcher fight but its whatever. annie and butcher disagree and who gaf they HAVE to work together (i strongly disagree with this and also i dont think the boys shouldve reunited at the end of s3 but thats another story)

i also really dislike that we havent brought up lenny in so long. he's so crucial to butchers character. i also just generally miss butcher and homelanders dynamic even if idgaf about him. that was the other central dynamic of the show imo. i miss when butcher would hallucinate homelander mocking him! i need kessler to start rolling his eyes at butcher or else....

a few specific thoughts:

ive known about butcher cheating on becca for months now and thought it was incredibly stupid and ruined a lot of his character. mulled over it for a few months and came to the conclusion that its not absolutely out of character. i do think butchers relationship with becca is his central moral guide and that he put much more on her than you should in any healthy relationship and that she was probably aware of it but definitely not to the total extent. like i always say he probably just spent hours staring at the wall waiting for her to come home when they were married. i also think he is a huge self-saboteur and i do believe becca made him want to be better (even if its not in a traditionally healthy way etc whateverrr) but i think especially with a guy like him it wasnt all very straight and nice. they must have had a lot of ups and downs and i think becca knew him as much as he let her (in s2 she says something along the lines with "this didnt start with me" and butcher also says "what was i before you? nothing") because that to me would show what made their relationship so special and central to butchers character. i do not think her death made him snap, i think her love made him hold back and believe he was content with a simple life even if that would never be the case. at the same time i think he fully believed he was completely undeserving of her love and that paired with his alcohol abuse would get to him.

"becca lied to both butcher and ryan so ryan saying she would want him to tell the truth doesnt make sense" this is kind of funny bc like..... she is allowed to be a hypocrite? and i think it makes her much more interesting for it? she was dealt absolutely shitty cards and the entire situation is unjust so pointing this out is kind of weird. she can absolutely preach one thing and do another this is literally every other character on this show

butcher and ryans dynamic is probably the only thing i have an unpopular opinion on but thats because my take on them is heavily painted by their pre s3-finale interactions and the writers chose to take a different route with them after that

[wanderrlust0]

okay so i figured out a nickname for my mutual/new friend bc i cant keep calling them that every time. ill call them snow since thats what their name means.

so, me and snow have been texting frequently since hanging out almost a month ago. we’ve had to “reschedule” our next hang out a couple times already bc either one or both of us wouldnt be free. quite recently, theyve been going thru a ruff time bc a guy they were seeing for a few months started seeing someone else.. absolute idiot lol. i reached out to them once i found out and ive never seen snow that vulnerable and upsetD: like yes, we literally are still getting to know each other and everything so i ofc dont know everything about them, and i havent seen all their sides. it still caught me off guard and i felt like i had to say something bc they posted about it on their close friends ig story. so yeah, that happened and we wouldve hung out 3 days ago but they were still taking time to themself and stuff and i was feeling like a homebody so i think maybe this saturday we’ll hang out? oh yeah, but they dm’d me and i had no idea what it could be since we just use imessage to talk now and weve never sent each other ig posts. it ended up being a reel and at the end it was a cat kissing the screen and snow said- me to you since you’ve been my rock in all of this — it was so wholesome my heart literally skipped a beat. like youre so cute!!! that made you think of me and you sent it to mee likee stopp youre so cute. i sound like im crushing but im not.. or maybe i am.. jk. loll. but no, im just enjoying this newfound friendship and i feel like it has the potential to blossom into something nice. ive made so many close friends in my life but never have i made a friend this way. so far tho, its actually been fun and i really am hoping for it to grow and i think snow feels the same way, otherwise they wouldnt be talking to me as much. idk how close we’ll actually get. like maybe we only end up hanging out a few times. maybe we just start talking less. or maybe we keep hanging out and our bond gets stronger. honestly who knows but the one thing that sucks is how far we live from each other. were like 30 min apart which is more than me and my bf and i think me and him are too far apart! anyways, i just wanted to talk about that for a little and where we’re at right now. im about to sleep any minute. i just had my eyes closed lol goodnight

[fortunatefool]

I cant wait until I'm living up north again and I have a stable career, and a warm and well kept home, and a wife, and its winter time, and were wearing sweaters we knitted together, and making breakfast at like noon bc we both took a week off work to relax and spend time together for the holidays and we're in love and its happy and soft and loving and

[babysizedfics]

Poor roman :( but that being said I am heka interested in 5

remus humiliates roman in front of jamal (but jamal is a sweetheart)

vote from this concept voting post!

TWs: swearing, emotional humiliation, arguing, remus is generally pretty mean in this - not "unsympathetic" but his behaviour is not ok, brief alcohol mention but it isnt a main feature

first some background info on remus and ro:

roman and remus' friend groups actually run parallel to each other by pure councidence in that theyre the same age and are both in the local queer scene

usually they only run into each other on nights out and avoid each other like the plague... until one of romans friends and one of remus' friends become a very serious couple and the friendship groups merge

remus tends to hang it over romans head whenever they argue or remus just feels like teasing him that he could so so easily spill romans secret littlespace to all his friends

and while roman claims to not care he also really doesnt want that to happen, especially the specific things remus threatens to reveal (namely him calling his cgs mommy and daddy, and his fear of the dark - which remus knows are romans biggest embarrassments)

and remus never USUALLY actually follows through on his threats, he loves to freak roman out but he doesnt mean to be intentionslly cruel.

but one night theyve had an argument recently and remus is out to hurt roman and finally follows through on his threat to reveal romans secrets. in front of jamal

((the actual incident below the cut))

all the friends are walking back from a night out, and remus hangs back from the group to talk to jamal. roman is just glaring at remus and not saying anything and holding jamals hand tightly. remus hasnt embarrassed him too bad so far, just asking jamal questions and referring to roman as his "baby brother" which is so annoying, but the thing is roman can tell hes building up to something

then suddenly remus smirks when he sees a completely pitch black side street thats theyre about to pass by, and he calls out to everyone "hey guys, there's a 24/7 mcdonalds through here and its a shortcut to the bus stop" and everyones like WOO mcdonalds and redirects to go down the side street

and romans heart pounds watching the friends all filter down the street without a second thought, theres no streetlights down there, theres light on the other side quite far away, but before that its SO DARK. and he freezes in place and jamal is tugged back by it and looks back at him. "babe, come on"

romans starting to feel shaky and he literally cant move his feet. his eyes flick between the street and remus' sadistic cocky smirk.

"whats wrong baby bro? you stuck or something?" remus leers with that stupid stupid smirk

and roman HATES him so so much

"ro, what's the matter?" jamal asks

"i- um," roman stutters, trying to keep his voice from shaking too much at the sight of his friends just having DISAPPEARED into the darkness - how are they okay with that?? "i- im not hungry"

"okay well i am, and remus said it was a shortcut anyway so-"

"i-i -- no i can't"

seraphina, romans best friend, looks back and notices whats happening and quickly jogs over (knowing roman is scared of the dark) "hey roma, it's okay we dont have to go down there" she soothes

jamal is supportive but he doesnt get it. he thinks roman is scared of criminals or smth. "i promise theres no one bad down there, hun. and i'll be right next to you the whole time, i'll protect you" and he smiles and tugs romans hand to pull him towards the side street

romans eyes quickly tear up and he panics and rambles "nononono dont please please i cant i cant" in a broken voice and plants his feet firmly on the ground, paralysed with fear

remus starts cackling "ohhhhh thats right~" as if he just remembered. "my baby brother's terrified of the dark, isn't he?"

"f*ck off, re" sera barks, standing between the twins, protective of roman

"wait, are you?" jamal asks sounding surprised. roman doesnt let himself look at him, too busy watching remus warily and knowing thats not all he has planned to embarrass roman

remus goes on, shouting out to jamal over sera's head "he's petrified!" he confirms sounding delighted. "yknow that massive blackout last summer? he cried like a baby. literally sobbing for his daddy patton to make it go away"

theres a brief silence because no, sera and jamal didnt expect remus to refer to patton as romans daddy - they both know roman calls him dad but this is a surprise.

and that one second of silence drags on for ages for roman, all he can hear is his heart pounding in his ears and remus' obnoxious laughter

he is shaking, frozen in shock rather than fear now. for all of remus' teasing threats at home, he didnt expect remus to actually do it. hes devastated and humiliated that remus told to his best friend and especially his BOYFRIEND of all ppl

and honestly he's not even thinking about the pitch black side street right now because the streetlights on the main road are blurred by tears welling in his eyes anyway

"why dont you just leave him alone!" sera hisses furiously after her mild shock

then jamal bounces back rlly stern to remus "yeah i already know about that! roman told me and it was HIS choice to tell me"

roman stares at him in disbelief but jamal is too busy staring daggers at remus to notice

remus looks suddenly offended and frowns. hes clearly hurt that the others dont think its funny "jeez youre both such bores. im just having some fun"

"youre demented if you think thats fun" seraphina growls and shoves remus away towards the sidestreet. remus rolls his eyes and runs ahead to join the others who are all oblivious to that coversation, howling with drunken laughter in the pitch black and jumping out and scaring each other

"f*cking prick" jamal calls after remus, seething

sera quickly throws a concerned look to roman "you okay?"

roman just swallows thickly and looks between seraphina and where he saw remus join the others in the pitch black. his stomach churns at the idea of remus telling more people. "i-is he gonna--"

"im on it" sera nods and starts turning around "i wont let him tell anyone else, roma, promise" then she runs ahead to keep an eye on remus and to give him and jamal some privacy

after a moment jamal turns back to roman looking so worried and holds his hands and asks very gently "babe, can you tell me how youre feeling?"

and roman is teary but he whispers "i - you stuck up for me"

jamal looks suddenly sad and cups romans cheek "of course i did"

"but you said i told you about it. i- i didnt tell you that i-" roman gulps after his voice wobbles "i didnt tell you about it"

and jamal smiles sadly and goes "i know babe... im sorry, i just didnt wanna give him any more power. it seemed like he's held that over you for a while"

suddenly the tears in romans eyes overspill and he doesnt really know why but he can't stop them

jama gasps a little "oh roman, its ok" and just pulls him into a tight hug

roman clings and sniffles, glad that he can hide his tears from his boyfriend even if it is in his neck.

and jamal just strokes his back and whispers "its ok baby, its ok" **

they talk about it quietly as they take the longer, well-lit route instead. roman admits he would never have told jamal abt his fear on his own - and the reason he's been avoiding staying overnight at jamals apartment is bc the one time he did he got so scared of the dark that he couldnt sleep and was just anxious all night but wouldnt wake jamal to tell him

after jamal finds out hes like baby why didnt u tell me its okay and comforts him about it not being embarrassing or childish. then:

"so you do actually want to stay at mine, its just because its so dark that you didnt?"

roman nods shyly "yeah... im sorry i know its a dumb fear i just-"

"its not dumb ro. i meant to say if it works for you, we could leave the hall light on and the door open. its not like i live with anyone who can walk in."

roman blinks "wait you - really? it wont make it hard for you to sleep?"

jamal smiles softly "no hun, honestly i could sleep anywhere. i fell asleep in the middle of the day in the staffroom just last month"

roman laughs, so so so relieved

"so... maybe next time you come over for dinner you could stay the night, yeah?" jamal says with a smile and a blush. he wraps his arm around romans waist and pulls him in, hip to hip

roman bites his lip and blushes. after a moment he suggests shyly "im free tonight..."

and jamal smiles so big, stops walking and puts his arm up to romans chest to stop him too then angles romans jaw down to kiss him

in the near future jamal promises to buy a plain nightlight and always leaves it on for roman when he stays overnight from then on

**side note: roman could never stand anyone calling him baby before because he felt infantilised at school becaus of his undiagnosed adhd. so he sees it as a derogatory name more than anything. but when jamal says it roman feels so warm and respected because he knows jamal would never mean it in that way. so jamal has "baby" rights basically

[ambitionsource]

Hi, I am so here for all this ambition content right now. I check this page every day! I remember u guys mentioning about a rl and dasher road trip and I was wondering about that! Thank you!

hello pal!! literally so honored and happy that you’re enjoying ambition and the fact that you check our page every day... ugh you’re too sweet. hopefully the nonsense we do around here is entertaining! very happy to have you in our fandom community <3

so yes, rl + da road trip! i hope it’s okay that i took a bit to answer this, bc i wanted to ruminate on it for a bit before typing it up. so as y’all know we refer to the summer between s1 and 2 as “cruel summer” (thank u tswift), and similarly we have a code name for the summer between s2 and 3 which is “summer of love.” this is admittedly mainly because of rl, but also because a majority of the characters are in such a better headspace this summer than they were last.

boppin the rest under a read more, because i just go on... and on... and on............. (i really love rl & da)

-- Maggie

one facet of this summer is that around... july sometime, dylucasher decide they want to take a trip down to virginia beach (or the beaches in that general vicinity) because they want to check out a beach that isnt grey and cold like the ones close to them in ny, and because a trip before their last year of school together seems like a fun and Classic idea. originally they plan it for just the three of them, but somehow riley comes up and all of them agree -- especially dylan -- that it would be way more fun if she came along too. so they try to convince her to come along, which doesn’t take much convincing, it’s more so about figuring out how she’s going to get around cory because if he knew she wanted to go on a like week long trip with her boyfriend (who he doesn’t really trust) and two other boys he would probably have a heart attack.

you know, it would be like “you can’t go on an overnight trip with three boys!!!” “dad, you know dylan and asher. they’re gay. they’ve been dating for three years. they’re GAY. i do not think i’m at ALL at risk in that scenario???” fsdfSDKGDL

so riley devises a plan / cover story that involves like “going to stay with mom” for a few days, maybe a lie about staying over at isa’s or yindra’s for a couple days in there, you know, she lays out the whole lie and then bribes maya to go along with it and help cover her tracks (rl have very inverse influences on one another -- where riley sort of tames lucas and helps calm him and make him less feral, she develops a bit of a rebellious streak from him or just better identifies the nuances of which rules should be followed vs which were meant to be bent or broken..)

the good thing about this road trip is that it’s what truly cements riley’s friendship with dylan and asher. they’ve been toeing the line of friendship for like two years now (as riley said in cruel summer, she regretted not taking the time and establish a friendship with them in sophomore year before everything fell apart), and it’s kind of like it’s bound to happen. riley and asher takes a little more time to grow and develop just because of the kind of person asher is, but on this road trip dylan and riley just Click. like they were basically made to be best friends, dylan is the first person who kind intrinsically Gets riley and they match each other in terms of enthusiasm / personality / brightness. again, a friendship that’s just been Waiting to happen, and this trip really brings that to the forefront.

(on that note, i once joked that when dylan and riley get really into chatting about something and lucas zones out, they start sounding like the villagers in animal crossing to him. like if he stops paying attention for even a second suddenly dyley sound like this. and i stand by that claim.)

as for the trip itself, its not like i have the whole thing perfectly plotted or anything like that, more just... musings and ideas. oh and a playlist, of course i have a playlist. obviously they’re really good about swapping around drivers and sort of organizing their time since they only have a week, and i think it’s mainly funded by dylan’s youtube vlogger coin. asher helps and riley chips in her fair share, but dylan basically covers lucas because obviously he can’t pay but they all want him there. he makes up for this by driving the most even tho the other three insist its not a big deal.

when it comes to sharing space, the quartet of them are pretty good at it. obviously when they stop for the night they just share beds by couple, but it is interesting to think about how different these two relationships are in terms of like... you know, where they’re at. like its super easy for da to share a bed because they basically do that all the time now, but for rl breaking that boundary would be a kind of unspoken big deal and lucas would be so cautious about it. like they spend most of the summer in riley’s car (can’t hang out at her place with cory there and no one is going to lucas’s) and so theyve probably like fallen asleep together there once or twice and maybe napped ONCE at riley’s place when maya and cory were both gone in the 2.5 months they’ve been together, but it’s still... not the same. so at first lucas would be really nervous about it, but after the first couple of nights he’d relax and realize its really not that big a deal -- esp since riley seems pretty confident and comfortable with it. by the end of the week, lucas wakes up in the middle of the night and riley has cuddled up next to him and he’s like... okay MAYBE sharing a bed with someone makes points. perhaps.

one of the nights on the way down the coast, what truly breaks the ice for dylan and riley is that they break out a SMALL amount of alcohol and both get tipsy (which for them is just like. giddy and giggly and very chatty. they’re both happy drunks without a doubt). lucas and asher don’t indulge bc lucas doesn’t trust himself getting intoxicated and asher is just wary of it in general, but they figure dyley can do it as long as they’re both supervising. so dylan and riley talk A LOT that night and truly form their Kindred Spirit bond and also lucasher end up regretting letting them drink bc for like a half an hour dyley do this thing where they just pretend to share secrets with one another. like they theatrically whisper in one another’s ears and look at lucasher while they’re doing it and then start laughing and they’re literally not saying anything Important (like it’s probably like riley being like “psst... i think lucas is... hee hee... lucas is hot”) and then dylan cracking up and agreeing but bc lucasher don’t know what they’re saying they’re like ha ha very funny........... but y’all aren’t talking about us doe right. wait, what did you say. hold on --

a lot of the trip is also based around being in nature and the outdoors, since they don’t get to do much of that day-to-day in manhattan. considering one of their favorite spots to hang out as a group during senior year is at central park, they’re all definitely fresh air outdoorsy kind of people to a degree. so like, stopping at parks, going on hikes, and of course the beach itself. i made an instagram edit of one of said hikes when i was testing a template i made:

naturally, and i swear this happens at least once on a long road trip whether it is with family or friends or any combo of people, but you hit a point where you get irritable and start to get a little sick of one another. i think in this case that mainly starts between lucas and asher, because although they’re Best Friends i think lucas has a knack for finding ways of irritating him. and also lucas probably gets irritated by dylan’s high energy after too much time with no breaks, so he’s also snappy, and as they’re on the way back up to nyc people are spatting at one another or getting snippy over stupid things so riles is like. here’s an idea! how about we split up for the day when we get to philadelphia. this is an excellent idea and none of them are opposed, so when they arrive in philly, dylan and asher split off to go explore the city + historical sites.

what do riley and lucas do? well, riley takes lucas to meet her grandparents, of course.

at first lucas is like ummmmmmm no because he’s SUPER nervous about meeting her family -- the only family he’s met is cory and we know that’s... unideal, and eric, both of whom have a completely different perception of him bc of school and his behavioral record. he’s yet to meet topanga or auggie yet or anything like that -- but riley assures him that her grandparents are chill and she has no doubt she’ll like them. they’re also meeting lucas with a completely blank slate (i.e. no preconceived notions about him like those who work at aaa), so it’s not hard for lucas to make a good impression since he really is like... a good guy. not to mention no way is he snarky or deadpan in situations where he doesn’t feel comfortable or like he has the right lmao, so he’s on his BEST behavior around amy and alan.

the good thing is that alan himself kind of had a similar background and run on the wild side that lucas does (kind of like jack, altho jack was never as troubled as lucas), and so i think he would kind of... inherently Get him. like he’d strike up a conversation with him and at first lucas would be like omg why is this man speaking to me please i’m invisible pretend i’m not here... but after a bit he’d find it’s surprisingly easy to talk to alan. and they’d talk for like an hour and get on pretty well. meanwhile, amy is talking to riley and is like so... let me guess. cory does not know you’re traveling with your boyfriend???? and riley is like... perhaps. maybe don’t tell him? pretty please? and once amy convenes with alan and is like how is he and alan is all “he’s fine, we can approve,” then they agree not to rat riley out.

riley and lucas also climb up into the matthews tree house and take a look around and they comment on how strange it is that cory and eric once used to like, hang out in there and in that house and were once teenagers (lucas: be careful this is humanizing your father too much for me). and i’d think they’d sit up in the treehouse for a little bit and just talk and riley would talk about how nice it must’ve been to grow up in the suburbs like this, and she’s surprised when lucas agrees and he admits he fucking hates living in manhattan. and that kind of prompts this subtle internal thinking in both of them of like hmm well... maybe in the future when things are different and we can make our own rules maybe we’ll move out of the city and into a quieter life... they don’t say any of that out loud, but they’re both thinking it. and at the tail end of that conversation riley kisses lucas which turns into a Really Good Kiss... but then they’re interrupted by amy calling for them to come down for dinner and its kind of like lmao, they’re both a little bashful but in a casual silly way

[tfw-no-tennis]

hhhhhhxh

more abt hxh bc my last post was too long n i had to split it off holla

so i left off talking abt when gon woke up....i love how polite gon is to pretty much everyone - hes such a good lad all the time. s/o to his aunt for raising him right (tho i think hes also just a rlly good boy inherently too)

also is he named gon bc ging was like ha ha im boutta be GONe lol seeya kid!!!! like ????

i find it interesting that kurapika and hisoka fought....we really havent seen them interact at all yet. also hisoka is so smirk-y i hate that bitch...what did he say to kurapika?????? 

this poor red shirt old guy lmao hisoka is SO clearly uninterested in fighting him and then he fucking dies. rip mdude

what did hisoka whisper to HIM??? guess we’ll never know #RIPLegend

oh mannnn if killua had just won against pokkle then he wouldnt have had to deal with illumi doing That to him :( my smug son......

leorio is such a good dude....also its so funny to me how tall and lanky leorio is, espec compared to the other 3 main characters lmaoooo

or maybe those 3 are just rlly short??? i mean gon and killua are literally 12, but whats kurapikas excuse

GODDDD I HATE THIS BIIIIITCH. FUCK OFFFFFFF tho the evil piano music slaps. but jeeeeesus illumi is so creepy and awful, and seeing him take off his disguise is not any better a second time...he and hisoka truly deserve each other wrow

does illumi have hair powers??? cause it kinda looks like it. or maybe hes just gay and dramatic 

ok but the sick electric guitar riff (?) that played when illumis face was revealed was lowkey kinda hilarious

man i was so wrong abt killua knowing that that was illumi :( poor kid

killua is immediately freaking out and meanwhile illumi looks bored as hell. dude ur the worst 

killua: [freaking out] illumi, completely blank-faced: hey 

I HATE HIMMMM even tho his catman design is regrettably kinda cute

why do illumi and hisoka both have such snatched waists i hate this

wtf so killua has another different brother??? i assumed he attacked illumi....how many fuckgin zoldyk sibling are there?????

leorio ur too normie for this conversation lmao. also wow fucked up family huh

killua looks so like...small and helpless, which is so at odds from what we’ve seen of him so far :( this poor kid

illumi totally has some weird brain powers man callin it now 

gon: wow killuas family sounds wack...  satotz: oh lmao you havent even heard the rest 

KILLUA ;_; 

this poor baby assassin :( :( :(

IMMM INCONSOLABLE. HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS W/GON.......ARE YOU KIDDING....AUGHHHHHHHH

meanwhile gon decided he and killua are BEST FRIENDS like 10 mins after they met. GOD 

like in the recap ep he called killua his best friend ;_; and meanwhile killua doesnt even think they ARE friends god destroy me 

this calming classical music is throwing me off vbhjfjhbsdkgndks

i sense that leorio and kurapika are rapidly acquiring a new son

DAMN THIS IS SO FUUUUCKEDDDDD illumi is such a crusty bitch wow. leave killua alone asshole 

all that stuff abt killua like, only thinking he wants to befriend gon but really wanting to kill him....that sure sounds like some ‘worst fears’ type of shit for someone like killua....illumi is such a classic abuser wow

i have 2 know is satotz like, repeating this entire conversation verbatim in a calming monotone to gon rn. like....

LEORIOOOOO I LOVE UUUUUUUU AUGHHHH him telling killua it doesnt matter if illumi is his brother, fuck that guy, beat him up as usual and leave.....ooooughhhh leorio is such a good dude ;_; 

and the OF COURSE him saying the obvious - that gon and killua are ALREADY friends....i love this, i feel like leorio said all the exact things the audience is thinking...yet it still didnt get thru to killua bc hes so rattled by illumi appearing, and the abuse in general 

i think if gon were there things wouldve gone much differently 

of COURSE crusty bitch illumi is like oh ok now i have to kill gon.....biiiiitch i hate uuuuu 

also that just shows that hes lying to killua (which we already knew obvs), bc if it were inevitable that killua would kill gon to like, test himself or w/e, then why not just wait for that to happen? that would have a much bigger impact on killua than illumi killing gon....its obvious that illumi is just manipulating him, but killua is too BSOD to be able to tell (also, hes 12)

ok bitch illumi is preaching abt not needing friends but he and hisoka are definitely fucking and theyve been teamed up for the entire hunter exam it seems.....what a hypocrite. hate this guy

god im so glad we didnt rlly get to see whatever the fuck illumi did to that random hunter examiner guy’s face. jeeeeesus. also i cant tell but i wonder if him forcing that info out of the guy was the result of his freaky mind powers or if the guy was just like oof ouch pins in me face

LEORIO AND KURAPIKAAAA THE PROTECT GON SQUAD!! and joined by new member hanzo!!! who ironically beat gon up for 3 hours str8 like, a very short amount of time ago lmao. but still i love that sm

illumi u dumb bitch.....tho i dont buy for a minute that he didnt already realize that killing gon would disqualify him...he defs just wanted to get under killuas skin even more :^( 

KILLUAAAA ;_; when he goes to step back from illumi but illumi tells him not to....ughhh HATE this guy, leave this poor kid alone. no wonder he wanted to leave

illumi saying theres only 1 way that killua can stop him - does he mean by killing him, or something more specific, like some forbidden zoldyk murder technique? 

‘your beloved gon’ wow gay. theyre 12 and theyre dating ok. killua is literally that kid whos like wow i wonder if gon likes me...and meanwhile gon is like wow cant believe me and killua have been dating for 3 months now

leorio saying ‘we wont let him kill you or gon’ ;_; leorio ily sm...thats like the exact right thing to say - hes offering protection and reassurance as an adult figure...unfortunately killua is clearly too freaked out to even process anything outside of illumis gaslighting and abuse 

also illumi is defs doing something to killua w/his eyes via his freaky mind powers. js

illumi i hate you stop being weirdly cute. augh 

classic abuse tactics, being like ha ha nvm i wasnt gonna kill gon! jk!

killua just shutting down completely after that :( :( noooo

and then he kills that old guy and leaves, ‘proving’ that illumi is right....noooooOOOO

and now we boutta see gon go FULL shounen protag for the first time, oh FUCKKKKKK yesssss

this is the first time we’ve seen gon angry oooh man and of COURSE its on killuas behalf,....im so fuckign emo already looooord

god ok the episode preview where its gon saying ‘do leorio and i look alike?’ YES U DO LOL youre father and son so jot that down 

oof, gon and illumi have such fundamentally different POVs on like, family and life and morals, and you can tell by their 4-line exchange before gon does the ICONIC one-handed grab’n’fling

AUGHHHH gon saying hes gonna rescue killua....SO good...he recognizes that killuas family is wack as hell and killua shouldnt be w/them - the classic ingrained ‘found family is more important than blood family’ stuff

tho thats an interesting contrast to gon himself, whos looking for his deadbeat dad

‘but it wasnt his choice’ that so good ily gon BEST boy, hes so perceptive and good......he knows that killuas hand was forced and that he needs to be RESCUED (love that word choice) from his shitty abusive family

of course kurapika and leorio voiced complaints ;_; best parents 

kurapika should be a lawyer tbh 

leorioooo ;_; such a good dude, saying he should be disqualified instead 

HOW is leorio a stronger combatant than that old dude hvbajufjbsja that guy had some moves it seemed, and leorio has,....a knife? a briefcase? the classic premed attitude of ‘fuck it, i could die anytime, lets do this’? like.....cmon vhabjdfjbhsf i refuse to believe this man is of any use in a fight. ill believe it when i see it

pokkle pls ur not plot-important enough to be jumping into this convo rn

tho i am curious abt what hisoka said to kurapika. tho i agree that thats irrelevant to the discussion 

gon repeating satotz’s wisdom :’) and saying that killua will definitely pass if he takes the exam again...ough

gon is SO GOOD i cant get over it !!!!!!!!! AUGHHHH....recusing killua from his abusive family and making it so killua never has to see them again is like...so good. what a good good perfect boy.

also thats like, the perfect response to this. killing illumi would just start a ton of drama, and killua would be conflicted abt that....but removing killua from his situation is perfect 

ok ive ranted a lot ill talk abt the rest later woohoo

PREDICTIONS: 

i predict that hisoka will show up in this upcoming zoldyk arc somewhere bc illumis gonna be in it (i assume) and theyre dating. also hisoka is a central character so itd make sense for him to show up in the second major arc. tho tbh this could end up being completely false and i wouldnt be that shocked lmao

i think leorio is gonna get Big Sad someday bc hes like, so normal compared to the other MCs, and also hes suuuuch a bleeding heart (i love him....) so i feel like thats gonna lead to some sadness for him once his friends start doing crazy shit or w/e 

also i predict that if he gets nen itll be like healing nen or st. does that even exist??? idk jack shit abt nen lmao 

i think that illumi has hypnosis powers or something, even just based on design alone. it could defs be for aesthetic (character design in hxh is wild), but his eyes look noticeably different from any other characters. also he was doing some freaky shit to killua. also i held this prediction before seeing the part where this is brought up so we’ll see if its right lmao 

as for this upcoming arc -  ruth and i are wondering if itll be similar to the vinsmoke drama in one piece - character goes back to abusive family, squad goes to rescue them...and then character refuses to be recused. w/sanji it was partially bc the vinsmokes threatened to kill zeff, his TRUE dad, but i predict in this case it could be more like the zoldyks saying ‘look killua these 3 weirdos showed up looking for you, convince them to leave or we’ll kill them’ and killua will be like, oh shit bc like.....think abt it. the vinsmokes targeted zeff (and not the strawhats) bc they knew they could easily kill him. same goes here, i assume - a family of trained assassins vs Good Good Fishing Rod Smell-Power Boy (who hasnt thrown a single punch yet), Lanky Dr Man With A Switchblade We Havent Seen Him Use Onscreen, and Mx 2 Wooden Sticks, Bloodlust, and Arachnophobia - 3 For 1 Deal! its a no-contest. so thats one thing i could see happening, potentially 

im way too tired to remember my other predictions rip lmao

[pyronado-moved]

HEY ALEX :) hope itz alright bUT i wanna kno abt ur ocz if thtz ok!!!! aka basically *hands you a free pass 2 gush abt ur ocz* go wild. i wanna kno everything i can abt ur ocz bc im rlly interested !!!!!! :D

gasp tysm

this is an under the cut kinda thing bc i have... a lot to say abt my babies

okay so the main oc of this is carter and hes the anti-christ but hes actually super sweet and just a walking talking puppy with a heart of gold. he can do no wrong and i love him to death. he’s dedicated to loving his bf, his friends, and his mom and sometimes he dedicates himself to hating his dad.

then there’s his bf jackson who’s a sad boy until carter moves in w/ his mom who is jackson’s next door neighbor and they end up getting along rlly quickly and jackson is just suddenly ‘huh what if im worthy of love’ and suddenly he has friends and bf and hes baby

and carter’s friend serah is a half-angel who has 1 volume setting and its Loud As Fuck but thats okay. she’s a lowkey stereotypical dumb blonde but at the same time shes the only one of the group who knows the symbols for every element. she’s been dating brick for 6 years and has yet to even consider dating anyone else

and serah’s bff violet is just a normal human girl who’s head cheerleader and constantly angry. she pretends to not care abt a lot of things but she’s actually a total mother hen. she spends so much time around people in relationships that she starts hating them until she meets roga and suddenly decides love might not be That Bad Actually

vi’s twin brother and serah’s bf brick (aka chad but thats a dumb name so he goes by brick) is literally baby. he’s sick a lot so he lives his life to the fullest in any way possible. he worries abt his friends who constantly have to fight demons and monsters and shit but hes always ready to help no matter what.

carter’s bff and ex-boyfriend jae is an incubus with half a brain cell. he does not use it and is an idiot. he met violet and the two instantly decided that they would cause problems on purpose. hes basically the goose from that one game except gay. he and ara are stupid idiot bfs who are a whole ass foot apart in height and it only adds to the chaos. he dated carter for 1 whole month before they decided ‘nvm actually’ and went back to being best bros.

umm classic mean girls Paris, Trixie, and Chloe are there. Paris wants to use carter to summon the devil. trixie and chloe are just there bc theyve been friends since kindergarten and wanna make sure paris doesnt do anything super stupid. theyre all girls who support girls who want to summon the devil and thats rad.

AND THEN THERE WERE THE 7 DEADLY SINS WOW! They were hired to be the devil’s guardians but then they got bored of that so they fucked off to earth and tried to live normal lives until oops their ex-boss’ son is here now and they have to protect that ray of sunshine out of both spite and pity. they’re all basically siblings and stupid. also they dont meet carter and the gang until college years so like... all the ones up there are adults when they meet the guys down here to avoid any confusion.

Arazukiean is the sin of lust and he’s a siren. hes a trans king who met jae and decided that legally no one else could have him. all he does on earth is attend different colleges because he didnt register as a legal living human so now he just wanders around campus’ and sits in on diff classes. he doesnt rlly represent his sin bc he never even liked being a siren in the first damn place.

Panya is the sin of wrath and she’s a pheonix and I hate to love her but god i love her. shes not a good person and shes loud and seriously if i met her irl i’d deck her in the face. but at the same time she was the one who decided they should protect carter so like... +1 karma point i guess. she and mentu-ra knew each other b4 being hired by the devil so they’re rlly close

the sin of gluttony is Lilian. She’s an aswang but also she’s just soft baby. shes a total nerd and could probably beat jeopardy tbh. although she loves all 6 of her siblings, Ameera is her closest friend/sister and they do everything together.

Ammera is an al-mi'raj and the sin of sloth. shes actually not sleepy or lazy because she decided in order to keep herself from sleeping all day she chose to not sleep at all. shes an expert on all things video games and could probably beat you in mario kart with her eyes shut. on rainbow road. 

The sin of greed is represented by local dragon idiot Roga who owns a big rich company but never participates in anything involving it. he just collects the money. hes a capitalist until he meets violet who is the only person who’s ever put him in his place. he instantly gave up being greedy for money to be a very protective boyfriend to this fiery cheerleader. they dont look like a good couple on the outside but they’re really actually soft as fuck

pride is taken by mentu-ra, a sphinx who ran for state governor in rhode island and actually won despite being a complete fumbling moron. hes a very bad politician and just kinda... exists. he hangs out mostly with roga but he keeps tabs w/ panya the most since she was the one who got him out of scrapes before they were hired as the devil’s guards.

aand then there’s elva, the sin of envy. shes a pixie who decided instead of being envious of others, she’d make them envious of her. she’s a part-time model, part-time olympic figure skater, part-time olympic gymnast. she loves the spotlight more than anything else in the world and shes very annoying but less annoying than panya so she’s got that going for her.

also i was gonna have angels as the 7 heavenly virtues but i only got around to creating penelope, the virtue of purity so she’s there. she doesnt take other people’s shit and is actually serah’s shoulder to lean on as everyone grows and starts to do their own things.

[peridipshit]

EDIT: IDK HOW TO MAKE A READMORE ON MOBILE SORRY FOR A WALL

hey hey guys ive been super inactive and theres a reason for that and that reason finally worked out and i cannot fucking begin to explain how good it is ghjklljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjklhgfhjkl

read more for a super lengthy overshare of angst and ecstasy

i kno w its fuckin long, its not for anybody but myself bc ye i have adhd myself and dont know how to read sh i t and dont expect anybody to have the patience for this

so, if i start at the beginning, ive had, the hardest period of my life starting around fall 2016. ive been in community college for about 4 years now, and i dont want to list all of the things ive done because it wouldnt reflect the mental emotional and physical exhaustion ive put myself through for all of this work. and all this time i thought it would amount to nothing because a lot of what i was supposed to be doing was pushed away out of fear. i filled up my time with a million impressive things that i genuinely loved and enjoyed, but knew it wasnt the actual work to get into the universities i was so desperate for. i pushed,, all my applications to the week or day before the due date. i had to give up three out of seven universities because of the deadline pressures. 

but my main school, the one that i returned to as the ideal place, but a laughable pipe dream, was the one i worked the absolute hardest for

i needed to do two different applications with a total of uh, 8 or 9 essays? the first round of 5ish essays i submitted the day before, and then the second application, i started the week before and completed the essays and storyboard, and hit the submit button 2 minutes before the deadline. i had two winter semester classes (which both kept me under a no-sleep schedule) and i juggled the application work by night. i ended up with like 3 total hours of sleep in that week. i almost gave up like three times but i remember crying after finding this song which coincidentally reflects the acceptance into the university im now somehow attending. it was the moment to myself that i decided i wanted to push through and grow up

the third round where i almost gave up was when my professor couldnt recieve my emails and i had no other way to contact him during the winter. i came to his office the week school started in spring with a deadline of three days to get my letter completed, and he submitted it an hour and a half before the deadline. i spent that weekend convinced i would just take another year at community college and at home and prepare myself more. i cried after checking my phone when i was walking out of Black Panther because he hadnt submitted it with less than two hours left before my application would have been thrown out. he submitted once i got into the car and refreshed the tab

last month i got an interview with the school of my dreams. i looked up the real statistics and they choose 30 transfer applicants for interview and accept 15. that moment was a rush of disbelief and brief sobbing as i realized that maybe im not crazy and not stupid and maybe just doing good things

that was the longest week of my life, but it wasnt a nervous thing at all. i knew i could nail an interview, it just was practicing. i spent each car ride to school talking to myself for 30 minutes. 

i literally could not have done anything as amazingly as i did in that interview without my friend’s help (hey dude), i was literally hearing that skype notification and have never had my heart pound as hard in my life. two seconds thinking about my friends and everything theyve done for me was like, a reminder that ppl care and have my back and istg that power of friendship anime bs is real my dudes and i couldnt ask for better people in my life 

i rocked it like some kind of word virtuoso person and waited a month for a notification

limbo is wierd

i spent so long knowing i was so, close, but not in a place to celebrate

the day i found out was Of Course as wild as it was, where i was having a panic attack out of everything in the morning that accumulated, i was like near crying in class because the prof was kinda yelling at me and i almost lost my project and had to run about a mile in heels to look for it and i was being hit on by a guy twice my age and i had 2 hours of sleep

but????????? i got into ucIa in their theater film and television school, which is harder than any ivy league school. me and 14 other transfer students. 92 total undergrads in that entire film school. ill be nineteen into my junior year. ill be at the heart of the industry going into animation and able to do practically anything. 

a n d i learned that not only my tuition room and board will be covered, but likely a ridiculous amount beyond that too.

i just. got to a point in my life last year that i knew that i was setting myself up for failure and i thought that if i wasnt improving i was failing and so i put so much onto myself in terms of working that i literally had no time for myself. no time for anything leisurely and no time for shows or movies or games or even friends. the only thing i felt like was my escape was cosplay and i still had that shamed by my family for wasting money and time. i of course had many moments and opportunities to do a few things that i regard very fondly, but overall i had no time to genuinely reflect on the damage that everything had caused. it felt like i had no time to cry ultimately, like some kind of hamster wheel of responsibility and fear. im still recovering now, and i want to be better. i want to do my best for myself and everyone around me. and i want to become someone that can be healthy and be myself. and yknow what im pretty damn proud of where im already at right now 

trying hard to keep coherency but i gotta wake up at 5 for an 8am class tomorrow so this is a lil rushed. its probably corny as hecc, but hell i feel just ok for a second and thats nice. i would never have gotten here with the support around me and like, my friends and family have done so much for me and i could write ten of these rambles on each one of you. you care about me and i care about you guys beyond anything these words can express. (*cough*quinn keira kevin cece*cough* not to say everyone else i know hasnt impacted me because gOd so many lives have done so much for me, i just, hey, love yall) 

my life is finally feeling like something big, ive never believed in the destined for greatness thing, ive just felt Capable of greatness and afraid beyond words of wasting it. and i want to be great for me, i want to be great to others, and i want to be great to the big picture. 

just, holy fuck i love you guys so much and thank you 

things are finally looking ok and i would repay you guys back in to the fullest extent of my hearts adoration and appreciation

[lesbow]

relationship klance

we always talk about pre-relationship klance like what about the actual relationship ya feel

to start off they absolutely get together in the dorkiest way possible like its either 100% sappy or 100% embarrassing and by accident there is no in between 

they did that fanfic corny scene where lance was about to confess and keith realized before he even finished his sentence and just goes for the smooch

except its terrible theres too much teeth and their noses crash into each other its just a mess 

its also both their first kiss 

even after they both confess its takes them like a week to get up the courage to ask each other out bc theyre both nerds

lance plans on trying to keep it small bc he thinks keith doesnt really want anything big and cheesy

keith plans on absolutely making it as cheesy as possible bc he thinks lance would prefer big and cheesy to small and ordinary

they literally plan to ask each other out on the same damn day

keith asks hunk to make lances favorite food for lunch and asks pidge to hook up the projector so they can watch an altean romcom they wont understand anyway but catch keith trying to take notes during the fluffy scenes 

hunk and pidge tease them to hell and back but theyre really happy for them so they go through with his requests

lance and keith both keep looking at each other during the movie wondering if they’ll be like that at some point and blush throughout the whole damn thing

everyone else thinks its so so so fucking cheesy but oh my god hunk and shiro are so happy for them bc its been a long time coming

at dinner they sit extra close to each other and casually brush fingers. theyre obviously blushing throughout the whole thing 

its just a week of blushing okay

lance gets so happy and smiles so wide when he realizes its his favorite food that keith just stares with a soft expression and when lance meets his eye they both blush but keith doesnt look away as fast as he used to bc he can have this 

after dinner they walk to the map room to look at the stars bc its become their thing and lance has had Enough with the brushing hands so he offers keith his palm and keith fucking swoons when they interlock fingers

they both planned to ask each other out at the star deck so obviously both of their plans crash bc after a weird silence where theyre BOTH thinking hard and turning into blushing, fidgeting, and sweating messes they turn to each other with the same glint in their eye

they say it at the same time 

lance and keith.jpg

and then they turn into giggling messes with fond looks bc if this isnt foreshadowing how amazing theyre relationship is gonna be than idk what is 

ROMANCE ENSUETH

in the beginning theyre just really really really nervous still bc theyve both been pining for a long time and dont wanna mess this up

when they start out, lance initiates most of the physical contact first like hand holding, putting his arm around keiths shoulders, that sorta thing bc keith is so fucking nervous and was never good at expressing himself but he eventually initiates it to he loves seeing how happy lance looks when he does

theyre both flustered messes but keith is really bad

they dont kiss yet bc theyre practically walking nervous systems 

they hold hands a lot tho lance has soft hands bc of his skin care routines so a lot of times keith will just idly play with lances fingers because it calms him 

keith rubs his thumb on the back of lances hand and lance fucking dies every time

lance still makes fun of keiths hair but it dies down little by little bc hes always wanted to play in that dang mullet tbh

one day keith catches lance just intensely staring at his hair and before he can even ask whats up lance asks if he can do his hair

theyre both messes when lance gets behind and starts playing in keiths hair but eventually lance just gets distracted with it and keith finds it really soothing. moreso than he thought it’d be

it becomes a reoccurring thing. lance will run his hands through keiths hair and keith just loves it so much it feels so nice

it started on the couch in that lounge room they have but one time hunk walked in and keith was practically passed out with his head on lances lap and he felt so embarrassed bc it feels really intimate and they both would rather keep stuff like that in their rooms so they do

whenever they go to a planet keith tries to look for things he thinks lance would like. hes not good with words so he tries to express himself through other means

the first time keith gave lance a gift from a planet it was a cat plushie bc its pretty fucking obvious lance likes cats

its red 

when keith gives it to him he stares at the ground and just like thrusts it out to him bc hes so nervous and lance takes it slowly, cautiously, and when hes stopped astral projecting into another plane of existence he kisses keith on the cheek bc he love love loooovvveess it

he names it keef and cuddles it all the time. keith always just stares like >:0 bc its really cute and he loves his boyfriend so much but also bc oh my god are we gonna cuddle like that someday omg lance is my boyfriend ohmy go d holl y s hi

he falls down the rabbit hole often

lance on the other hand loves bears and loves anything that he thinks could represent them like he’ll just point out two rocks side by side or some shit to hunk and be like “thats gonna be me and keith one day :) <3″ and hunk juts pats him on the back

DONT EVEN GET STARTED ON SEEING OTHER COUPLES IN PUBLIC 

whenever theyre planet side and lance sees a romantic couple he squeezes keiths hand (bc theyre already holding hands they never stop) and gets this fond and hopeful look on his face

lance wants every planet they meet to know keith is his boyfriend (he never gets tired of saying it) so whenever theyre at diplomatic functions and they have to talk to the aliens, he’ll always bring it up somehow 

it ranges from “so it must be difficult fighting this war” “yeah but having keith by my side helps” to “our planet welcomes you young paladin” “thanks and also heres my boyfriend keith the red paladin you know the right arm of voltron? that guy? yeah thats my boyfriend. my boyfriend is the red paladin his name is keith. we’re in a relationship. did you know that? its great im so happy omg this food is so good btw did i mention im dating keith and that keith is my boyfriend?”

lance still flirts sometimes but he never actually wants it to go anywhere. at first this makes keith a little disoriented and he mopes but then they talk and Communicate and lance says that he just likes to flatter people bc it makes them feel good and stuff and so they work it out. so lance still flirts but only a little and not as strongly as he used to 

speaking of communication, in the beginning theyre talking fucking s u ck ed they’d misunderstand each other and it would result in sadness and venting to their respective besties but the third time they get shoved in a room and told to just “talk it out” they realized that they really need to be more open/clear about stuff

eventually they get really good at talking about things to each other. their problem wasnt that they wouldnt talk to each other it was that they just couldnt understand the other so they work on getting to know each other better and it really helps and works out so so great

they both have issues, lance with his self esteem and keith with his abandonment issues and they know that the other cant fix it bc thats not what its about but they definitely help.

unlike lance, keith knows who he is and is confident in his abilities so he tries to help him in that aspect

unlike keith lance has always been a people person and is family oriented so he tries to help keith slowly get overcome it

theyre both really good for each other. they cant “fix” each other obviously but they help one another out so much and it means a lot

they have their first kiss like two months after they got together 

it was after a battle and no not a deadly one you heathens a really really awesome one the teams all smiles and lance pulled a cool move at the end when they formed voltron and they saved a planet and everyones soooo happy and when they get back to the castle lance bolts to keith and just spins him around in a hug smiling and laughing and they smooch

its the best thing theyve ever experienced

they dont stop kissing after that. catch them giving each other little pecks all the time 

at this point they arent as nervous as when they first started 

after long battles theyll just kinda fall into each other

they dont do it in public/in front of the team but they cuddle a l o t

keiths two favorite places are in the crooks of lances neck and on his chest to hear his heartbeat 

lance likes to kiss keiths forehead bangs in the way or not if he thinks his man needs some smooches he’ll give him some fucking smooches

the first time they fall asleep together (i mean literally fall asleep not anything nasty pls dont sexualize these boys) locks in for both of them that This Is It ya know

theyre cuddling in lances room keith wearing his jacket and has his face smooshed against his chest lance is playing in keiths hair and his lips are lightly touching his forehead

its after a diplomatic meeting 

theyre both really tired and keith thinks he should probably go back to his room but they both feel too comfortable and everything feels so nice so he doesnt

lance likes listening to keiths voice and vice versa so theyre literally just saying nonsense 

theyre voices drift off into a comfortable silence and eventually they both fall asleep

keith wakes up first and hes confused but then he looks up at lance and how peaceful he looks when hes sleeping and just stares

lance wakes up a little while later and meets eyes with keith but then he notices keiths unruly bed hair and the small spot of drool by keiths mouth and almost cries 

its the best sight either of them have ever seen and at the same time they both think to themselves that they wouldnt mind waking up like this for the rest of their lives 

[gooodluckmode]

im deep in the vld hole here and need to voice my thoughts on kallura given literally everything so far & how i believe it doesnt make sense? (even though a lot of ppl have already said that) and maybe my worries will subside a bit. this most definitely might be a jumbled mess but i hope if youre worried or anxious or just kinda ehhh on the whole possibility this will help your worries subside too!!

(definitely got longer than i intended it to be but its coherent!)

i guess first ill go with the vld staff and crew. have to start with this dont @ me: lauren montgomery retweeted very obviously romantic klance art months ago (which im still not over lol). onto more serious stuff, i do know in an interview it was said sexuality can be explored? jeremy shada has said on a few occasions that he wants more keith and lance interaction and he has said that lance is gonna mature! i see that as a really good opportunity to address sexuality - have lance contemplate his bc of his feelings for keith. like that potential just seems so big and i would be disappointed if they wasted it?? lance obviously has confidence issues and to have him work through everything would be rly nice to see? also bex brought up klance in an interview and looked so devious and happy when she said she likes watching the klance shippers explode (i love her). she also said kallura is a bromance and thats it. of course this means nothing for sure but its stuff to think about. steven yeun said quite strangely that you never know where the romance is or who it is between so like ?? that can go both ways given what question he gave that as an answer to (it was about keith and allura). and just in general i know this crew isnt against lgbt content and representation (they’ve already done a bit with pidge & worked on lok which has korrasami!) so why not go further? and of course if they do go further, im just gunna guess and say it would be with klance, and if klance happens, well, kallura cant? honestly vld is ripe for amazing storytelling and relationships (if they choose to address romantic relationships - which if they dont thats totally fine too! the friendships in this how have amazing potential too!) and i want to trust the staff to handle it all well no matter what and not force anything just bc it happened in the older voltron.

onto keith himself. we havent seen keith show any real interest in allura at all. heck he even wanted to leave her on a galra ship in s1? in s2 its obvious he is hurt by her comments but yeah of course who wouldnt be? when he was in the little pod thing with her in s2 he didnt act like he was interested in her that way and when she kinda sorta hugged him after apologizing he didnt really react like someone would if someone they were interested in p much hugged them? i mean yes there are maaany eps left (at least 4 seasons worth!) and i know shada mentioned slowburn and i think it was lauren and joaquim that mentioned romance not being the paladins’ priority bc duh war but theyve also said they can plant things in early eps and seasons to go back to and really the only two ships that you can really argue things have been planted for for ultimate slowburn are shallura and klance (have you seen how tender some moments between shiro and allura are??? and of course bonding moment).

allura also hasnt really shown any romantic interest in keith either and tbh i really think she just felt genuinely bad that she treated keith that way after finding out he was part galra? i dont really see the apology scene with the kinda hug as totally romantic but i definitely see why it worries ppl bc it does worry me too. (especially when coupled with the scene of them in the pod together in space but *big shrug* you know. i dont think that scene was romantic either except for when the pod exploded and they had to cling to each other??? but i digress). idk how other ppl interpret allura’s age and i dont wanna start discourse here but i personally feel like she is an adult in human age and keith is obviously a teenager and like yeah age gap problems but also??? no offense to keith but allura deserves someone more mature and just.. better for her?? and IF she gets paired up with someone i think given her interactions with shiro, he would make the most sense (plus she will probably play a very big role in finding him and saving him and im super excited for that!! allura is gonna kick some ass)

additionally ive already mentioned this but i mean the development and potential for both shallura and klance cant be ignored. this isnt a “shallura and/or klance might become canon post and here’s why” post but it is a post that points out two very popular ships in the fandom that make a lot more sense given everything. if you want a good klance meta, head on over here. i dont have any shallura metas on hand but if anyone knows of any link me!!

and also real quick i mean.. the crew on vld is capable of telling a good story and i really want to trust them to not write forced relationships if they make anything canon at all. i know a lot of ppl think s2 didnt rly compare to s1 but i think s2 was made to set us up for A LOT in the upcoming seasons. plus tyler labine has said that they do look at feedback they get from fans when considering things (for example they know how ppl have reacted to how hunk was treated and theyre going to work on showing him in a different and more heroic light rather than just the comedic relief food guy). i know this fandom has a bad rep when it comes to discourse about everything but i also know ive seen legit respectful constructive criticism from fans and thats what will be mostly heavily noted - NOT harassment!! dont harass the crew!! these people are working on a show you love and dont deserve the terrible harassment i know has gone on. being someone who lives for characters and character development more than plot, im really concerned about relationship dev in the upcoming seasons (platonic and romantic) and im sure a lot of ppl understand where im coming from but more than that i think its important to enjoy the show and the story, you know? i think the lore in this universe has got amazing potential and im excited to see it unfold along side these characters that i love!

feel free to message me or add more!

[nomtxas]

answer them all I'm bored

gotcha fam

1:Do you have a crush at the moment? – besides me being in love w k*rl a*zner, grubbie, and burky i dont think i have a crush on anyone (well i guess not what u would call a “crush” i think)

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? – no

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in? – almost a month like i think my ex broke up w me a day before our one month (it was back in july so i dont really remember)

4: Have you ever changed for someone? – uhm yeah (god i was such an idiot)

5: How is your relationship with your ex? – non existent like i dont think she likes me very much considering we havent spoken at all since we broke up

6: Have you ever been cheated on? – not that im aware of no

7: Have you ever cheated? – no i would never

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating? – no bc once a cheater always a cheater

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship? – communication like i think people should be honest and open about what they want and what they expect out of the relationship like pls dont tell me ur ok w distance when ur really not, u feel?

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? – serious relationships pls i like the thought of being committed to someone

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”? – i dont have experience w that so i dont know how i feel abt breaks

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with? – none i dont do sex

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? – getting back together w her after we broke up the first time

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? – when they’re emotionally mature the consequences of sex and what it involves so maybe 20 and up

15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”? – sometimes 

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”? – yep

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet? – yep ive done it twice (but twice it didnt work out both times so)

18: What do you consider a deal breaker? – dishonesty and not being loyal

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship? – i dont know actually which is why i guess i was the one getting dumped

20: Are you currently in a relationship? – no but i want to be

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? – yes absolutely didnt work out that way for me but just bc it didnt for me doesnt mean it wont for others

22: Do you think people should date their friends? – i have mixed feelings on this bc i believe u should be friends w someone to get to know them first before entering a relationship w them so u guys will know what u want and how u are but on the other hand i feel that they shouldnt bc u dont want to ruin a good friendship w messy feelings i guess it’s up to that particular individual 

23: How many relationships have you had? – one

24: Do you think love can last forever? – absolutely look at my grandparents theyve been married for almost 45 years and been together for longer than that so

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? – eh i dont know

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of? – probably bc even though it gets hard sometimes my moms opinion matters a lot to me

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? – DONT GET BACK TOGETHER W HER YA DINGUS IT’S NOT GOING TO WORK OUT AND YOURE JUST GOING TO MAKE URSELF CRY AGAIN

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? – i think so if the parties involved put in the same amount of effort and it’s not all just one sided 👀👀👀   

29: What do you notice first about another person? – their eyebrows? is that weird

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? – polyromantic but i call myself gay all the time bc im attracted to femme presenting people such as myself

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? – no absolutely not i feel like i would be supportive and try to hold their hand while they take care of themselves

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? – nope

33: Do you want to get married one day? – yes!

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed? – bad karma but if people want to than thats their business

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? – yep i dont do sex bc im ace (grey ace but still)

36: Are you still a virgin? – yep

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? – both i think

38: Do you enjoy love films? – yes im a sucker for romantic movies

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? – no :(((

40: Have you ever had a valentine? – no 

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”? – a baseball/hockey game and dinner after

42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”? – high school english was a dark time

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends? – both 

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? – yep but too bad i dont have anyone to be romantic w :(((((

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? – 👀👀👀   

46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”? – yep but it’s ok

47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite? – the holtbys ok theyre the power couple of the n hl

48: What’s your favorite love song? – life is better with you by michael franti & spearhead it’s so cute 

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? – i dont think so i did get this one anon that said i dont care abt people when they do have a crush on me so idk

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are? – bc im ugly and boring

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? – hows the poor guy gonna take me to sports games? nah im kid but i feel like the second one bc i dont want to date someone whos mean bc i will cry

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships? – nope not at all

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single? – yep definitely bc i want to have that too

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)? – not really

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? – clingy and jealous (im trying to work on it tho)

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? – possibly

57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart? – no

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? – ….sub

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? – never but then again ive only been in one relationship my whole life

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships? – i personally dont think i could do it but if u do then more power to u

61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family? – both

62: How do you define “cheating”? – when u start looking at other people the way u see ur partner and not being honest w them abt it communication is key

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? – nah

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated? – a little yeah but thats bc ive never been an active participant in it lmao

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? – def only in the winter tho bc texas summers are hell like literally

[krykir-blog]

My Experience With Transitioning

fuck me im just copying and pasting what I’ve done up until now

Info already so right now i think im nonbinary but i think i might be completely trans idk (edit later in time: i can say for sure I am completely trans, not just nonbinary.), ive felt this way for a while and my bud sen helped me figure it all out bc i was hella confused and i felt very masculine. A year and a few months ago I cut my hair super short and realized that this was how I've always wanted it because oh my god if i ever grew long hair again id want to die, i hate it and i hated how I looked. So that was that and i was like that for a while and I think sometime during the summer of 2015 i figured out what I wanted to be called (ryan). I started out w/ having people on the internet call me that and it was awesome, but kinda weird having people in real life call me by my birth name and it was really odd. Then October came and my stepcousin was getting married- during that wedding was when i told my dad and stepmum i wanted to be called ryan so I consider that to be the time when I actually started transitioning. It took a painfully long time to get my mother on board to be honest, her boyfriend (who is now her ex) was actually down with it right away but of course he didn't call me or my brother that because it would've been awkward, but we had some late night talks about it frequently. When they broke up it was kinda iffy but I think it was soon after that happened that she started calling me and my brother by our preferred names. At a party my parents went to one night they told all their friends about me and my brother and we've been enrolled in a study, which is 6 MRI's total. I've already had 3 MRI's and let me tell you, they suck, but I think later next year I'm gonna have to get my next round- just basically contribution to help trans people or anyone taking hormones to transition. This year I got into high school and I'm going to a place that's pretty far away from where my last school was, so no one there knows me or that I'm female- I'm completely authentic and I think that's pretty cool, it's what I wanted. So far I think that's all you need to know lmao if I have more info to put down i probably will. Thank you guys for the support, i love you <3 8/29/16 First injection of testosterone. No changes yet ofc, but I found that I was hardly hurt by the needle so now I'm a lot more excited lmao. (Dose amount is currently 0.1 ML) 9/5/16 Second injection. Of course, no changes yet, so there's not much to say except this was my first time doing it at home. stepmum did it tbh, it still surprises me at how much it doesnt hurt lmao 9/12/16 Third injection bois. No really noticeable changes yet however i think i have a bit more hair growth from where the bellybutton is down to the nether areas which is still something and I'll take it xD I'm starting to think I prefer shots in the arm tho. Surprisingly they don't hurt as much as far as I can tell?? it's pretty neat lmao 9/19/16 Still no noticeable changes. I can now say for sure that shots hurt less in the arm than the leg, surprisingly enough at least for me lmao one month b o i s 9/26/16 (sorry for being super late with updating this one) still no noticeable changes yet, dosage is still small as all hell >> 10/3/16 No noticeable changes that I can identify, but I have a friend who told me that my voice is deeper. regardless of that, it's not at all by much at least to me and there's still nothing super noticeable and it's rather irritating. 10/7/16 Not a shot, but my first MRI after getting the three baseline scans before I got testosterone. I got my blood drawn more than I ever have and it got to the point where my vision became brightly dotted and my ears started ringing like mad, it was awful, i thought i was gonna pass out. But the MRI itself was actually a lot better than my last three scans, theyve made so many improvements to make it less anxiety inducing. 4/6 MRIs done, 1/3 blood draws done. 10/10/16 SEVENTH SHOT OF T I'VE BEEN OVER THE MOON TODAY THO 'CAUSE I'M GETTING MY DANK ASS FRIEND A BINDER AS fOR the actual T, I haven't noticed any super big changes but my friends are like "yeah jesus christ ur voice is deeper" so I GUESS THATS THAT I also started recording my voice after the sixth shot so ill keep up w/ that too as much as I can 10/17/16 Still no noticeable changes to me, however we got new needles and the measurements are different and it's weird but ye nothing super exciting to say I guess hhh sorry for being so slow at updating this rip 10/24/16 This time the needle really hurt and idk why but oh well. Still no noticeable changes besides more hair growth on my legs and the happy trail area. I compared my voice now to my 6th shot and there's no distinct difference >> i really wish my dosage was higherrrr Also for some reason I keep having dreams of me with longer hair?? it's really not okay :'D I don't recognize pictures of myself with long hair anymore tho so I guess that's something. 10/31/16 -ok so i dont remember getting a shot this day but w/e, im late to updating it- still no noticeable changes 11/7/16 SO I GAVE MYSELF A SHOT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IT WAS AWFUL 1- I PRICKED MY FINGER AND IT STARTED BLEEDING A LOT AND IT STILL HURTS 2- WHEN I ACTUALLY PUT IT IN MY ARM I DIDNT PUT IT IN DEEP ENOUGH SO IT ALL STARTED COMING OUT AND I WAS BLEEDING A LOT IM SICK FROM SCHOOL TODAY AND I HAD DETERMINATION TO DO IT BUT I DIDNT DO WELL 11/14/16 soRRY FOR BEING AWFUL AT UPDATING i had a really shitty monday this most recent monday but its ok my friend brought their trans bf over and watched me and my borther put in our shots and it was chill no noticeable changes to report i dont think 11/21/16 Nothing special to report, the needle kinda stung tho oddly 11/28/16 AAAND MY DOSAGE IS NOW 0.2 BOIS I GO BACK IN 3 MONTHS AND ITLL PROBS BE UPPED TO 0.3 BUT IM EXCITED I loved the nurse who drew my blood lmao she was really cool, i love the people who work in that office so much. They're all so nice ;v; I have a bit more acne and my doctor said my voice sounded a bit deeper, so I guess I'll take it. Things should hopefully speed up at 0.2. 12/5/16 Second shot on 0.2! It didn't hurt as bad as the last one which is good~ I've been noticing more acne on my face nd shoulders which is also hella //well in progress terms it is 12/12/16 YOU GUYS MY VOICE IS GETTING MORE RASPY AND I CAN CRACK IT ALL OVER THE PLACE EASIER THAN I COULD BEFORE ITS NOT SUPER NOTICEABLE YET BUT IM GETTING THERE IM EXCITE SORRY FOR BEING SHITTY AT UPDATING THIS ITS OK 12/19/16 BREATHES NOTHING SUPER NOTEWORTHY BUt my voice iS noticeably going down- not a ton buT AGAIN ITS GETTING THERE ;V; My arm really hurts tho for the first time after and idk why 'cause the shot iddnt hurt at all 12/25/16 Not a shot but just a lil random update ;;v; MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ERRYONE BY THE WAY, I HOPE YOU ALL HAd a great day! sO onto the stuff Today I got an assload of money and I'm deciding to spend a lot of it on a packer and a packing harness. I already bought the harness but I'm gonna have my dad order the packer since there's no good ones on amazon hhhh buT YE IM PUMPED ILL HAVE A BULGE 12/30/16 HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS MY VOICE IS GETTING REALLY NOTICEABLY DEEP IM LITERALLY SCREAMING [link] 1/5/17 I GOT MY PACKER MOTHERFUCKERS ITS HUGE AND ITS GREAT AND IVE GOT A DICK NOW 1/9/17 This is the day I officially became male. This is the day I officially became Ryan. I never have to write my birth name ever again. I am so fucking happy. The judge was super super nice and I was anxious as fuck but it ended up super well. Voice is still getting deeper and im getting hairier in some places, it's great~

[fluffi]

so should i reply in tiny font or just regular font?

hybe should do better in spreading out the comebacks of the groups under them :/ they're already at a huge advantage, might as well use it strategically. AHA streaming mvs is so convenient for a multi. the filler vids i could use in between could be mvs from the other groups that i stan. also you know what, i still haven't watched a single final performance bc im waiting for a friend to watch with me :D

i have a chinese movie recommendation in case you want something to cry over. i still love its ost and it's been months since i watched it. i'm not sure if you watched it already but more than blue. i've never cried over a movie as much as i cried for that one. the angst *chef's kiss*. i'd do anything to wipe my memory of it and watch it again for the first time.

also sungchan is mc-ing in inkigayo every sunday! and honestly, what the hell is nct hollywood :D but a part of me thinks it's just going to be a bunch of asians living in america like johnny that'll be a part of it. just a hunch tho. imagine having all 4 units coming back in a year with like 1 unit per quarter of the year. i'm not sure if sm even has the money to do this, especially when they filed bankruptcy recently.

and i've seen a lot of twitter memes saying taro's ghosted stans T_T alexa play ghosting by txt T_T sm come on give him smth to do, you're wasting talent.

the mall didn't burn down entirely (like from the outside it looked fine). the ventilation system caught fire so it was more internal—ceilings and all that. covered things with soot(?) and ashes so the entire mall was closed for nearly 2 years. and hey, i've experienced a school fire too back when i was younger. i, too, thought it was nothing but a fire drill until i saw the charred remains of the buildings behind our school : D thankfully, no one died.

the new nct track is for a samsung commercial AHAHA it's funny because nearly everyone uses apple TT_TT and the mv screams neo culture tech tho (well as it should lmao). yes, i was talking about that part in hot sauce but yes, it grew on me too.

ateez really know how to do a performance. they put the standard so high for me when it came to performing. their facial expressions and overall stage presence just impresses me. it's been a while since i've seen idols draw me to them by those standards.

ah, the long stan list! good luck in getting through it and i hope you do have fun as you go :] (also you can check out aurora by ateez and whiplash by tbz. the songs popped up in my head as i was typing this reply, you might like them)

ohhhh, what was the pd48 scandal? i don't watch survival shows so i don't know any of the stuff going on. would you care to elaborate? about their disbandment :(( i hope you're okay now tho! are the other girls still debuting in new groups? anyone eyeing an acting career instead of being an idol?

YES, A PATTERN IN THE BIASES (if you count an analysis of two ppl as a pattern, that is.) because it's the same pattern i have for my biaswreckers :D jake & seungmin, not only do they have the same animal to represent them, they have the same 'golden retriever' type of personality that just makes you go all soft. ygwim ;n; i wish i could elaborate but both boys just devastate me in the same level and my friends pointed out that they were quite similar in some aspects.

jaemin used to send really long bbl messages :< like if there was anything he loved most it was nctzens and it was obv in his messages. speaking of dream, album repackage news today! idk what to feel bc my hot sauce albums haven't even arrived yet :D + i'm dead br0ke.

how do you even manage to read 30k TT__TT i cant handle long fics bc of my attention span :D also, yes, i found the user now, i'll check if i'll like their works soon. <33

YES YOU SHOULDVE BEEN THERE T_T what a day that was. i think seungmin is still sweet and active in bbl. not a single cent goes to waste with him. also i think i'll post the drabble some time this month.

and oml seungmin vs jake :o let's see how that goes O.O XDD

clickity-clackity AHAH do you have a mechanical keyboard? :c i wanted one too but i haven't got around to saving up for one. but yes indeed, typing asmr v relaxing \m/

sunny hyuck day, fullsun sunday, fullsunday T_T feels were very strong that day. i kept seeing edits on my twt tl and i would just s o b : D i've only stanned nct for a year but i've seen him grow so much i just wanted to crie i love him sm :') yk my mom didn't cook spaghetti for my birthday, but she cooked for hyuck's? : D

and i checked ur recs blog and indeed, full of nct T_T

also have i mentioned that your desktop thing amuses me so much HAHAH i got confused for a sec if i had twt opened or tumblr. plus, i've been wanting to mention that i noticed that our mobile themes are opposites. black and red, white and blue. it's cute XDD <3

help, people have been telling me that our asks are long but i highkey love it. i added a ‘keep reading’ for the mobile users though, sorry in advance hh.

honestly, both works. tiny font saves space but regular font does more justice for my poor eyes haha. its your call!

hybe comebacks :( yeah enhypen got lucky because they came back right before cb season so they got three wins (yay)! on the bright side, txt just got their first win and bts has six wins, so it all works out i guess. omg yes, the streaming thing is perfect. i stan like 20 groups so i have a never-ending cycle of filler mvs and its always so helpful. ooh for the final performances - you wont regret watching any of them! literally wild, kingdom's budget and talent are wild.

ooh, I don't watch any cdramas lmao. i want to but i can barely finish kdramas. if its a movie ill watch it! ive never heard of more than blue but ill check it out <3 where can i watch it?

yes yes i have just realized that sungchan is yujin's co-mc! i watched their special stage (which is literally adorable) and was today years old when i realized that the dude is sungchan pls. nct hollywood was so unexpected and i still have mixed feelings about it now. LMAO JUST ASIANS LIVING IN AMERICA...help. that would be interesting (?) but the concept reminds me of those horrendous awesomeness tv shows. lets hope sm pulls this off well and proves me wrong. lmao all 4 units coming back would probably happen, but i hope none of them get overworked :( i constantly feel like mork lee has four clones :'( also...sm filed bankcruptcy??? dang, what happened?

ugh omg yeah shotaros talent is seriously being wasted in the basement right now. as for fires, scary T-T i wasnt that fazed by them until the australia wildfires happened, and i learned about the consequences of fire and got really scared. its good that the entire mall didnt burn down though! although its weird that no one is opening it :( schools really need to tell us the difference between drills though, it might be dangerous for those rebellious kids.

yeah i just realized that the nct track is an endorsement which partly explains why i cant listen to it. the mv's visuals are stunning!! the set and people are so gorgeous aa i cant

oh yeah im not an atiny but i have acknowledged since 2020 that they have one of the best, if not the best stage presence and expressions on stage for 4th gen. i think their only worthy competitor would be stray kids actually. theyre truly one of a kind and all of them are cute especially that yeosang guy. i will definitely check out your song recommendations though!

oof the pd48 scandal is extremely complicated. to condense it in a few statements: all of the girls' rankings have been rigged since the very beginning and it was rumored that they already had their end group before the show even started. it was like this for pf48 and pdx101 (group x1) which was why x1 disbanded within a month of debuting, and izone were on hiatus for like 4 months. im not the best at explaining stuff like this haha, but i think you get it. you can check out yt or search up 'pd48 scandal', a ton of articles and videos. as for new groups, nothing has been made clear yet. theyve only made instagram handles for now and appeared on variety shows haha. as for acting career, hyewon was supposed to do acting but was forced to join pd48 so maybe she'll continue acting afterwards? nothing is confirmed yet!

lmao two similarities, its okay it counts. ah, true, i can see their similarities now that youve mentioned it, as well as how jeno is kind of like that. however, i am currently attached to jaemin so we'll see what happens from there hehe. i swerve easily.

jaemin on bubble grr, that would be a whole experience. from the bare minimum of vidoes ive seen for him wbk jaemin is so whipped for czennies. ah yes repackage! i saw the post on instagram and went to the comments to see everything screaming ‘iM bROke!’ and it was lowkey hilarious lmao. kpop is really trying to suck our money T-T.

ope the longest fic ive read is like...40k words i think? and it was by jeonginks. ill read anything eiko produces lmao, theres always so much substance in her work. ooh, tell me what you think of luvdsc’s stuff, i just finished binging their entire masterlist lmao.

seungmin vs jake yeah, i havent been catching up on skz enha content because im still obsessing over the dreamies but when that saga is over then im going to focus on my ults lmao (which might include dream soon, hehe).

yes yes i have a mechanical bluetooth keyboard that i use to connect to my computer! it literally sounds amazing lmao, its only 10am here but i feel like im going to doze off from the clickity clackitys already. i cant wait for you to get one! tell me when you do, we can match hehe.

hyuck is an aodrable brat please. hes like the best comedian of nct at this point, so hilarious and filled with variety i love him. he rose up my bias list pretty fast too. LMAO YOUR MOM IS SO COOL I LOVE HER ALREADY. if only my mom would cook for my ults’ borndays.

yes my rec blog is a mess right now, ill organize it soon haha.

omg thank you and yes my website theme is one-of-a-kind. even i get confused when i open it or edit it, and i constantly get comments about it. also i just realized our opposing theme colors and i love it! its adorable.