#crude bagel

[paddleboatonfire]

A Study In Calico

[samuel-de-champagne-problems]

Down Bad — Spencer Reid x Fem Reader (Smut 18+)

Summary: After seeing that her ex boyfriend is engaged to his “rebound girl”, Reader finds herself missing the comforts and pleasures of sex.

Notes: ahh!! @reidsbookclub thank you my absolute love for reading this ahead of time. your enthusiasm and support and love is so so so appreciated <3 and this is my piece for @imagining-in-the-margins Friends with Benefits challenge

Word Count: 6 K

Content Warnings: Alcohol consumption (not drunk), oral sex (female receiving), p in v sex, (kinda) dom Spencer ( hopeful ending?), unprotected sex, some negative self body image (reader), finishing inside with birth control, breeding kink, possessive language, dirty talk/crude language (I know Spencer's probably a tab bit OOC but this is me trying here)

Down Bad

There was no way for my situation to turn crappier. My finger stood, haunted and frozen above my phone screen. The bathroom sink ran unattended as I attempted to defrost my heart. It had dropped to my stomach as my eyebrows shot up.

I still followed Lydia, my ex's younger sister on Instagram and Facebook. Her brother might have turned out to be a terrible communicator, but she was cool.

Just a couple of months ago, she was a student in Geology and the last time we spoke she was writing a paper on Ancient Rocks in communities that used aqueducts systems. What you could do with a Master's in Geology was beyond me and my office job. I'm sure she hears too many "you must live under a rock" joke from her dad. He was always cracking the most dad jokes that have ever dad-joked; I missed it. And Lori's South Chocolate Gravy Pie. I didn't even want to know how many sticks of butter it took.

Lydia had her arms thrown around a tall, leggy, blonde girl that looked like her name was Sarah or Hannah. The post was in black and white and Hannah/Sarah showed off her gorgeous ring.

lydia-nielson99 The best honorary sister ever <3!

When my ex and I dated, the idea of fine dining was a night out at a movie sharing a bucket of popcorn and an honest-to-God-attempt at moving hopping. We talked about marriage; he'd slip on fake rings made from grass blades braided together meticulously on my finger, kiss it, and promise me that he'd earn me something worthy of my finger.

The post had only been up for 43 minutes and already had gotten a hundred or so likes. I scrolled the comment section, ignoring the rushing tap, to read the comments from my friends, our couple friends. They must've liked Sarah/Hannah better, or at least liked her and Shane better together then Shane and me. I haven’t heard from them since the breakup.

Aren't most geologists analog? I slipped my phone back into my pocket and washed my hands, wishing that I could crawl under a rock, one of those ancient ones that Lydia studies.

I couldn't decide. I couldn't decide between a red that would give me a headache I could feel in my teeth or straight gasoline that would make my face, and heart, as equally numb.

I wanted something quick and something strong. I was so, so, so over Shane it wasn't even funny. But that didn't stop him from being the love of my life, to the loss of my life. I just wondered, as I roamed the supermarket with my metal carriage holding tequila, limes, Kraft Mac and Cheese, and frozen pizza bagels, if he told Hannah/Sarah the same things.

If he would sit across from her, now probably able to splurge on a dinner fancier than Taco Bell or Denny's, and hold her hands. Would he move her ring from her middle finger to her ring finger like he did on mine?

God, I cringed, dropping in a box of Double Stuffed Oreos, I let him, shit talk me under tables with promises of rings and cradles in the other breath.

I reached for the pint of strawberry as another text pinged. Internally I knew that I would soon face an onslaught of future wine moms just jumping at the chance to "check in with me" during "such a challenging and emotional time" for me. I ignored the message, but it pinged again.

Spencer: Penelope said that the new season of that show you like is on. We can watch it tonight. I think that Hotch is actually gonna let us out at a normal time.

Spencer, my roommate, always texted with formality and correct grammar. I actually think that it would be impossible for him to do anything, but use proper spelling and grammar.

Unlike certain geologists, Spencer is actually analog. When I was searching for a roommate after my break-up, our mutual friend Penelope put us in touch. And just mere months later we've formed a friendship that most days is closer to a partnership than it is to anything else. Friends were hard for me, and relationships even harder. Looking back, I think that allowed Shane to bulldoze through boundaries I didn't even know I should have.

Spencer, a certified genius and self-described technophobe, couldn't tell me the purpose of Instagram, let alone that my ex-boyfriend's sister posted a picture with her newest soon to be sister-in-law, Sarah/Hannah.

I dropped a pint of Rocky Road ice cream and looped around for an extra box of Kraft Mac and Cheese before replying back to Spencer.

Me: Worst. Day. Ever!!! Ice cream & carbs @ 7

I stared at the bottle of tequila, understanding that ever since my 31st birthday, me and excessive drinking due to external crises would result in bloating, headaches, backaches, anxiety, and an entire weekend of recovery. Maybe instead of several shots, but I already finished half of the bottle of red I bought as a bottom of the ninth decision.

"Tequila?" Spencer mused, dropping his bag on the table. "This must be like Defcon 4? And I should know, I work in national security."

I grunted, my fingers drumming against the table. The cheap speaker connected to my phone plays sad breakup music. I saw Spencer's wheels turn as he sat down with me at the table.

"Want boxed Mac & Cheese?" I asked, standing up to scoop some of the dinner into a plate for myself. I didn't seek it out often, but there was something familiar and comforting about Kraft Mac & Cheese. "I know it's got a lot of shitty stuff in it. But I'm actually going to lose my mind tonight."

My voice turned shrill and unsteady. And my eyes flooded with sharp, salty tears. Spencer stood and then backed away, his eyes and face melting in mutual pain. "What happened?"

"Shane's getting married."

"That explains the tequila."

I laughed. Spencer didn't offer any condolences as the seconds ticked and ticked. Instead he looked at me. He must've noticed the groceries. The Oreos, ice creams, and boxes of incredibly processed macaroni and cheese all screamed classic crisis for me. Being as smart as he is, Spencer could probably have told something about me within weeks of meeting me.

"Well, I already drank some of that red wine." I said. "The tequila doesn't sound like a good choice. But bad choices can be fun choices when you want to hide under a rock for the rest of your life."

Spencer still didn't offer anything, he kicked off his shoes and grabbed a bowl from the cabinet. "No tequila."

“You’re no fun." I huffed, grabbing my bowl and heading to the living room. "You promised me new episodes of The Queen's Court."

Spencer still frowned, his arms crossed as his steaming bowl of processed cheese pasta sat to his side on the counter. "I didn't think that Shane still was someone you thought about."

I sighed.

“It’s understandable. He’s marrying the girl he started dating right after breaking-up with you.”

I didn't think about Shane, not that often though. But he still was my first love. The love I shared with Shane was something he stole from me. I had given him all that youth for free; now I was thirty-one. Don't get me wrong, thirty-one is young, I don't feel old. But it's this weird, almost off-putting subliminal feeling when all of my friends either smell like weed or little babies.

"I don't love him. I don't want to be with him."

Spencer had rolled up his sleeves, revealing his forearms. He had a couple pictures of himself when he was younger. Him with his mom at one of his many post-graduate celebrations. One with his co-workers at a bar. He changed a lot; in pictures of the past he was thin and lanky. But now, when he would wear pants or cardigans or button downs with the sleeves rolled up, I found it difficult to not stare in appreciation. My sex life with Shane was good, consistent, and effective. While it might sound clinical to some, I think we both enjoyed knowing that we both knew how to, simply, get the job done for each other. I must be missing sex an awful lot to be getting flushed at the sight of Spencer’s arms.

Two years older than me, Spencer had had a life harder than most people. Penelope explained to me that he was finding it hard to live alone after he was falsely incarcerated. And working the hours he did at the BAU, he found it hard to find someone okay with someone coming home all hours of the night.

Like Spencer, I hated living alone. So together, we built a little home as roommates, as friends, and somewhere along the lines, as partners. And over the last couple of months, Spencer had never brought a date home. I had one hook up about two weeks after we moved in together. It was fine, but not enough to tempt back onto the horrid, vapid, devoid of anything promising landscape that was Bumble and Hinge.

"I just..." I bring my face into my hands in embarrassment. "I miss having someone to come home to who wants to see me."

Spencer crossed through the living room, bowl in hand. He sat criss cross on the floor like he did most nights. "I want to see you. I always want to see you, Y/N."

"You know what I mean, Spencer…And if I'm being honest...sex. God, I miss sex. Good, consistent, effective sex from someone that knows me."

Spencer and I never talked about sex. When we would watch movies that had sex scenes in it, neither of us would talk. One time we watched a movie starring whatever current Hollywood Pretty Boy had captured the hearts of the Internet at the time, and I commented that I would "ride that cowboy into the sunset." I remembered looking at Spencer for his reaction. Usually he would blush or roll his eyes or kick me playfully in the shin for being crass.

But that time he didn't. Instead, his jaw set, grinding firmly and unyieldingly. After that I didn't make sexy jokes or talk about sex in front of him. I thought it made him uncomfortable, till now I suppose

The music changed, and the breakup anthem of the century played. I stood up on the sofa, solo cup in hand and swayed to the music as Spencer stood below.

"You want sex?" Spencer asked. "We can have sex on this sofa right now if that's what you want. I mean, how much wine have you had?"

I busted out laughing, sipping the red wine from my solo cup. I didn't bother for a fancy wine glass. Besides, it was cheap and . And clearly it was working if it made me imagine Spencer Reid, my hot, stoic roommate with dreamy brown eyes, offering me sex.

"Spencer! Come, dance. Please!" His eyes shifted over my body. And he must have noticed the way my knees wobbled under the insecurity of the sofa cushions or the way my eyes must have been glazed and sparkly.

He obliged me, and his hand wrapped around mine. He raised my hand above my head to twirl me and then walked me down from the couch. "Let's get you on level ground. I hurt my leg a couple years after I started the BAU and it's no fun healing up."

He sat me down on the couch and placed a throw blanket on my lap. My bowl of Mac & Cheese was missing, but returned back to my lap, reheated. Spencer also replaced my solo cup, cutting me off, thankfully, from alcohol for the time.

"Peach flavored electrolyte water. And tomorrow I'll make you breakfast." He offered, sitting down on my right as he started the show.

"I didn't mean to be annoying and buzzed. I know you don’t like it" I said, not looking at Spencer. "I don't love him. Or like him. Or even want to be with him. Ugh. No, I just...I want…sex."

Spencer nodded, not even looking at me as the scene between the Queen and her lady's maid wore on. I kept trying to convince Spencer that the Queen was actually the villain and the warring clan would take over and let the series run on and on for an infinite amount of seasons. But it was campy and dramatic and exactly what I needed as I licked my, apparently, very open and painful wounds.

"What's the matter?" I asked, pausing the television. "You look pissed off."

"You know that he was the one that lost out when you guys broke up." Spencer's eyes didn't meet mine, even though the television remained paused. "He didn't deserve you. Not if he didn't know how goddamn lucky he was when he had you."

I don't let my heart think this means anything."What?" But I feel my cheeks prickle with

heat, just like they did when Spencer, albeit jokingly, offered to have sex with me.

"I said, it's his loss. If I had you, I wouldn't ever lose you, Y/N."

"I'm nothing special." I admit. I wasn't the most positive or confident girl, in my mid twenties I went to therapy for a good three years to sort out some baggage from my childhood. We all have something and mine was having a hard time seeing myself. I couldn't maintain positivity, to my brain it was better to remain neutral than to jam positivity down my throat that I couldn't honestly accept.

"You're not nothing special, Y/N." Spencer's voice cut through, sharp and confident. He sat up, his body sliding so close to mine that his knees touched my thighs. "You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And you're smart. And funny. You make me laugh like no one has during a time in my life when I was convinced no one would be able to."

Our apartment isn't big, but it's enough space for Spencer and I to feel like we're could interact when we wanted, which was most of the time. But there was enough space for us to find our alone time when needed.

As Spencer's knees rubbed against mine and his soft eyes met mine, the room seemed to collapse. It was as if all the air was sucked out.

“And I am so...I've never been happier to have you be the last person I see before I go to sleep and the first person I get to see when I wake up. And if I...and if I had that with you the way he did? I wouldn't have messed it up."

"Spencer…" He raised his hand, showing me his palm, a sign that I think signified he meant no harm, but as he words, heated and charged sliced through me, I could feel them ricochet upon impact.

"I know…But, when I said I would fuck you on this couch, Y/N, it wasn't an empty promise. I meant it. And it wouldn’t have to mean anything.”

Spencer shifted on the couch. It creaked with his weight. The bowl of Mac & Cheese burned against my leg— even through the throw blanket. My heart was racing and racing till it skipped a beat. It nearly stopped. He sounded so sure of himself. I wanted to laugh it off again, as if the thought of me and Spencer hooking up…no fucking on the sofa was something comedic or entertaining.

“Are you…Spencer…are you sure?”

I tried to keep my voice steady, unwilling to let him know that the thought of his hands on my body lit a fire inside of me, a fire that I had yet to challenge. But God do I want to tame it. Sex with Spencer would be messy and complicated.

Spencer’s eyes narrowed in on my face. I would’ve thought that being stared at so intensely would have made me want to sink into the couch so I’d be as forgotten as stray hair ties and pocket change. But I wasn’t. Spencer’s brown eyes, liquid bronze bore into me. I felt a hot excitement wash over me that I knew was arousal.

“Yes.”

“Is it bad that I want you to kiss me?” I sighed. “It’s bad timing for either of us. But…”

“But you want me to kiss you?” I nodded and Spencer moved closer to me on the couch. “You want me to help you forget how that man has made you hurt.”

“Spencer…” Before I could rescind my desire, not that I would ever think about it, his hand cupped my cheek. Spencer’s thumb brushed against my jawbone as his eyes scanned my face. I could smell his lavender mint body wash; crisp and clean.

His mouth was anything, but crisp and clean. It was hot and dirty. Spencer kissed me with a hunger that couldn’t be sated with just one kiss. I knew for the moment his lips touched mine, I was done for. I wasn’t a whiskey drinker; I hardly knew what it even tasted like. But Spencer’s kisses felt like it. He doesn’t drink, but his warm body was flush against mine and I tasted the heady, smokey warmth of a strong cocktail. His arms and torso were thick and solid.

I brought my hands up to his neck and carded my fingers through his scalp. He groaned, the vibrations tingled against my lips as he kissed me. Spencer’s teeth tugged at my bottom lip, pulling it out before he kissed it again. He shifted so his back was against the couch and I was hauled up to his lap.

“There you go, baby.” Spencer said. His hands were large and imposing against my back and I could feel their heat through my shirt.

My muscles and resolve transformed to liquid when he called me that. I could feel my heart surge and lurch and leap as Spencer’s lips nipped against my skin. It was so good, so warm, so achingly wonderful that I felt myself wondering if I could do this over and over. I loved my vibrator and I would continue to love my vibrator long after this once-in-a-life-time situation with my roommate would end. But there was nothing like straddling a man’s lap.

And Spencer Reid was a sight to behold. I knew he used to be skinny, but in the years that I didn’t know him, Spencer had grown up. He filled out his pants with his strong thighs and softer stomach. His pants were strained and tented. I grinded down, enjoying his haughty moan in my ear.

I arched my back, exposing my neck as Spencer’s wet, hot mouth pressed kissed along the column of my throat. Feeling him grin as he kissed me I tugged at his hair sharp and hard. His grunt is a mixture of surprise and pleasure. I didn’t think that he’d be this vocal but with me writing in his lap I felt him try to hold back.

“Just touch me.” I whined, kissing Spencer. “Please just touch me.”

His pants tented against my core. I tensed at the feeling of his erection. My pajama pants and underwear, though thin, offer only a sliver of the friction I desired. Spencer’s fingers, quick and nimble, didn’t hesitate to undo the drawstring bow.

“I know, sweetheart. I know.” Spencer murmured, kissing my temple. His lips are like a tattoo kiss as he resurrects something inside of me that I had long buried. “Sit on the couch.”

I scrambled to sit, my body acting of its own accord as Spencer’s words rattled through me. He was so confident, so sure, so certain. And his hands never left my body. It was as if there was some internal pull between the two of us. He sank to his knees and swung my right leg over his shoulder. I lifted my butt and he slid my pajama pants off my legs. Tossing them to the floor, Spencer licked his lower lip and looked at me as if I was good enough to eat. I supposed that we were about to find out just exactly how good I was.

“Open up for me, baby girl.” Spencer whispered, his breath landed on my skin and made me jump. “Let me see just how pretty you are.”

Spencer Reid had a dirty mouth. My cheeks and chest and belly burned with arousal. He kissed along the edges of my panties. Spencer’s middle finger dragged along my underwear, teasing my clit through the cotton fabric. With the patience of a saint, Spencer tormented both of us. He looked at me as if he could commit me to memory. His eyes were heavy with lust and something that I swore could mean something more. But that line of thinking had red wine written all over it. It wasn’t drunk. Hell, I wasn’t even buzzed anymore.

“Jesus, I’m a lucky fucking bastard.”

Yet, I sat there. With my legs spread, held open by Spencer’s large hands, practically humming with need and desire.

“Please. Please. Just touch me.” I begged, beyond caring if I sounded wanton with need. Spencer smirked as he hooked a finger underneath my panties and slipped them down my legs. And there I sat, legs spread. Finally he obliged. With two fingers, Spencer dragged them up my exposed core. The heel of his hand brushed against my clit. His skin was soft and his fingers deft and skilled. I closed my eyes as the pleasure took control of my body.

Spencer slipped a fingertip inside of me. He could feel the wetness dripping from my cunt. I grabbed his wrist, forcing him to hold his hand against my core. Our eyes met and I could not tell which one of us decided to let his finger sink inside of me. I watched as he slipped inside and released a throaty moan. My cries were extinguished by Spencer’s unyielding mouth. He pumped in and out, in and out, before slipping out of my cunt all together. I lunged forward at the sudden loss and was met by Spencer’s wry chuckle.

“I am going to eat your pussy. And you are going to cum against my face with your legs around my shoulders.”

I groaned. It’s as if Spencer knew that my brain needed to be switched off. He nipped at my inner thigh. Blood rushed throughout my body and I felt my pussy heat at the sensation. Spencer’s soft breath was hot against my skin as he kissed. He licked a line up my aroused core before flicking his tongue over my clit. It was a teasing, tormenting motion that coaxed a wave of pleasure to build. He’s a man possessed, so far gone that I didn’t even attempt to hold back as a moan rises in my throat.

“Jesus. You are a sight to behold. I’m going to show you how a man takes his time.”

As if he could possibly spread me apart even further, Spencer squeezed my thighs. Clearly he wanted to see all of me. Taste all of me. I could feel a coil tighten in my lower stomach and as Spencer lowered his mouth to my core, I felt the coil snap.

His licks aren’t shy and timid like I imagined. They’re purposeful and powerful. And threaten to melt my carefully crafted guard. He’s already gotten me well past the point of foreplay. I’m so wet that I’m sure cock that tents his pants can slip inside without much resistance. But he didn’t stop. His tongue continued lick and nip and suck against my most intimate area.

“Is this all for me? So wet. So pretty, sweetheart. Your cunt is dripping for me.”

I panted, unable to form a coherent thought as Spencer’s heated gaze spread over me. “All for you. Only for you.”

“Well in that case, I think I have a job to do.

All I could see was red. His hands gripped my thighs. I hated my thighs, usually. They’re too soft and squishy and usually ruin most pairs of pants eventually.

“Fucking hell.” Spencer cursed as he sunk two fingers into my needy cunt. “You’re so hot and tight for me, Y/N. Look at you. All splayed out. All for me.”

“You don’t have to do it until I finish.” I blurted out. “I—I know this isn’t….I want tonight to be for you as much as it is for me.”

Spencer’s eyes shifted.

“Ssshh, shhh,” He cooed. He looked up at me with his eyes big and blissed out. It was almost too much for me to handle. I watched as he kneeled in front of me; pants had become too tight from the moment my fingers groped him. At this point it was nearly impossible to withstand.

“I’ve thought about this way too much for us to rush this. I’m going to take my time with you, baby. You are going to ride my face like a good girl.The only thing that’s keeping me from cumming in my pants is the thought of burying my face into your pulsing cunt followed by my fucking you raw with my leaking cock.”

I yelped as he and sucked along my inner thigh. My skin was impossibly soft and tempting. “Fuck. Fuck, baby. You’re perfect. You are a fucking dream.”

I fisted his hair, feeling the familiar rush of pleasure from my head to my toes. For a while it only set my own bedsheets ablaze, but now it spread to Spencer. He groaned against my core, still lapping me up as the wall of pleasure threatened to come crashing down.

One second I was moaning, feeling myself toe the precipice before I teetered over. The feeling built and crashed before I could even enjoy it.

“Fuck! No. Damn it.” I cursed myself for not being able to climax, despite the down right sinful things Spencer was hell bent on doing between my legs. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I can’t…sometimes I have a hard time.”

“Don’t worry,” Spencer assured, his thumb brushing against my kneecap, “We’ll find our rhythm. Together. Anything you want. And I think I might actually die if I don’t get inside you this second.”

I laughed, dragging Spencer up by the shirt collar. He placed his hands against my hips and pulled me forward for a kiss.

I tasted myself against his lips and it turned my on beyond belief. “I want you. I’m on the pill and I want you. It’s awful timing because I don’t have any condoms and it’s a terrible idea but—”

I’m cut off by Spencer’s lips again. His mouth seared against mine, hot and needy. “I’m clean. I want this. I want you. So badly, sweetheart. So bad.”

I nodded, my mouth unwilling and unable to leave Spencer as he knelt in between my legs. He stood to his full height and took my hands. “I know I have promised to fuck you on this couch, but I have a bad knee and once I’m buried inside you, baby, I don’t think I’ll be able to hold back.”

“My bed’s made.”

Spencer’s hands didn’t leave my waist as I walked him to my bedroom. I should’ve been more embarrassed as I walked with him, considering I looked more akin to Winnie the Pooh than a sexy hook up. But once I felt a sharp sting on my ass, I quickly realized that Spencer thought the opposite.

“Don’t blame me.” Spencer said. “With that ass you’re lucky I haven’t had the sense to take you over my knee already.”

I turned, facing Spencer and standing with just an oversized pajama shirt covering my chest. His hands hovered over my waist, pulling me towards him by the fabric of my shirt. “I need to see those tits, baby. They drive me fucking wild in the morning. When you’re sitting on that damn counter with your messy hair and no bra. You’re a sight to behold, baby.”

“On one condition.” I presented, attempting to act as if the dirty words that fell between us had no effect on me. “Those pants? They find their way to the hamper. And fast.”

Spencer chuckled as his fingers brushed stray pieces of my hair away from my face. He touched me with such tenderness that I could feel myself craving it long after it was gone. He dropped his pants, followed by his boxers. I meant to tease him about the mini double helix DNAs printed all over his boxers, but I was effectively silenced by his erection.

I felt him the entire time I sat and made out with in his lap. I could feel how hard and thick and long he must be, but seeing him out in the open made my body lurch with need. He devoured me with his lips, pushing me down into the bed as his quick hands rid me of my shirt. Spencer’s teeth met my nipple, nipping and twisting it to elicit the dirtiest moans from my lips. He smiled, sucking marks into my skin that would last even after all what stood between us shattered.

Licking my lips, I could still taste myself from his kiss. Never feeling anything quite this intense with anyone, I suddenly felt so naked and bare. But Spencer’s calm hands, big and gentle, soothed me wordlessly.

“I need you.” I begged, wanton with need, “I need your cock so bad.” I wasn’t a begging woman, but as Spencer pressed the tip of his cock at my entrance I figured that anyone can learn how to relent now and again.

Sweet kisses to my sweaty skin replaced his dirty words that made me flush. As Spencer hovered above me, I drank him in. His eyes were hazel, but sometimes, depending on what he wore, they were brown or green. I quickly unbuttoned his top, eager to have his warmth spread all over him. He was thick and solid— all man. From the muscles in his back to the furrow of his brow and the slight curl pattern to his hair, Spencer sucked all the air from my lungs.

I was weightless. I was floating. I was soaring.

When he finally slid into me it was with an excruciatingly slow speed. “Don’t wanna hurt you.” He mumbled, a hand brushed my hair and a pair of lips kissed my forehead. “Give ya a chance to see what you can handle.”

Emboldened, I wrapped my legs and interlocked my ankles around Spencer’s butt. He lunged forward and his forehead dipped towards my breast. His kisses were fast and erratic as I felt him sink deeper and deeper inside of me.

“You’re so thick…ah!”

“Oh fuck.” His voice was as raw and as affected as mine. “It’ll be fine, darling. You’re so perfect like this. Taking this cock like a good girl. I know how to make it better for you.”

His thumbs, rough and sharp, circled around my clit helping me to take his cock deeper and deeper. I whined, desperate for the relief and embarrassed at the way I’m at center stage. Spencer took me, made me his and I’m nothing but a mess for him. My bones are liquid as he reaches out for my hand.

It was like there was a blueprint to my body. I had it locked away somewhere. But somehow, somewhere along the way Spencer figured out where it was stored. He read the blueprint. And he knew exactly what to do to make my foundation crumble. With each stroke of his fingers against my clit or pulse of his cock in my pussy, he knew exactly what I needed.

Spencer’s lust filled voice rang clear. “You feel close. I’m so close. Can you come for me? Huh? Show me how you play with that pretty little pussy. How do you do it, Y/N?”

His hands and fingers dug into my lush body with an unrelenting desire I wasn’t accustomed to. Magic fingers. God. And I magic fucking cock. I grabbed his hair, dragging him down to my lips as I teased my clit. Looking down to where our two halves met nearly sent me over the edge. My cock swallowed Spencer’s thick cock, it was hot and erotic and I watched with my mouth hanging open in pure, unadulterated desire. My pussy, wet and hungry for more, begged him for more. I grabbed his ass with my unoccupied, dragging my fingernails down his skin as I begged for him to fuck me harder.

“Harder. Spencer. I need it.”

Spencer brought his face into my neck, kissing and biting my neck as he pounded into me. The angle set rockets of pleasure from my core to my toes, spurring me on as I practically chanted his name. Spencer moaned, his teeth sharp and mouth hot and heady as his kisses grew more and more frantic.

His thrusting was still sharp and calculated as his cocked continued to fuck me. “God, you look gorgeous when I fuck you. All fucked out from my cock. My girl.”

I liked the way he called me his. It was nice to be claimed. To be wanted and desired so badly that two letter little words were tacked on. It was a tiny word, but it changed the entire meaning. It was the sort of word that could make foundations falter and buildings collapse and roommates morph into something else entirely. Endorphins and hormones and who else knows what coursed through my veins.

It was just me and him. Together in a limitless space that neither of us would care to ever leave.

“So close.” I groaned and Spencer knew well enough to just continue rather than to change anything up. “That’s it, baby. Oh! Fuck. Spencer.”

My high came crashing down around me. I felt my cunt clamp around Spencer’s cock as he continued to thrust into me. His eyes watched me with an analytic level of observation. I knew he had a good memory; one that refused to allow him to forget much of anything. But as he watched me fall apart, naked and vulnerable and oh so aroused, it was like he was trying to commit me to memory.

“Come inside. Fuck! Spencer. Please. I need it. I want it.” I begged him, desperate for him to climax inside of me. I wanted to see what it would feel like to have his cum dripping from my needy, spent pussy. I wondered if it would feel different, if it would change something, something fundamentally.

His voice was hoarse and strained as he came, shooting spurts of hot cum into my cunt. It was unabashedly erotic, watching him fall apart with his bare cock stuffed inside me. “Fucking, hell. It’s never been like that before.” He kissed my jaw, holding me in place by my chin while still sheathed inside of me. It was a lovely feeling. Full and safe. I must have been so drunk on him because I thought I could stay like this forever.

The silence that fell between the two of us lingered for several months. Spencer’s fingers danced along my hip bone and up to my rib change. His eyes were closed and his hair was matted with sweat against his forehead. He had creases near his eyes and deep, well set-in bags under his eyes. I wondered how inappropriate it would be for him to spend the night with me. Naked of course. I don’t think either of us could handle having it any other way.

I never fucked my roommate. Nor have I been ballsy enough to have “feel better” sex with a friend. It’s not like I expected him to lay out a red carpet and get down on one knee after he gave me a handful of (earth shattering) orgasms.

“Y/N.” Spencer breathed. A beat passed before I dared to reply.

“Spencer.” He stirred beside me, his hand resting against my thigh.

“I think…I think we’re gonna need to try that again and again and again…” He rolled over onto me, kissing along my jaw. I felt the pads of his thumbs against my bare breasts and sighed.

God, help me. He’s my man.

Taglist: @foxy-eva @reid-ingandweeping @andiebeaword @boldlyvoid

(I know several people asked to be tagged, but if you didn't have that you were above 18 in your blog you won't be tagged in this one!

Please reblog, comment, and like! Feedback and encouragement and interactions are wonderful to receive. Thank you!

[garagepaperback]

push & pull

2.

On a miserably early morning in May, after a home-bound reunion on one of June’s debutant days, in hours so sideways they didn’t seem to include an anchor point in time’s forward march at all - they pulled each other often in the bathroom. A single stall in a space cramped even before it was occupied by their shoulders, the pushing and stuttered hips and hands - shoving, taking, having.

The bent toes of Draco’s loafers squeaked on the miserable tile. A color close to toothpaste, as bland in memory as it was when Harry stared down at it and Draco relaxed his throat and barely made any noise at all, kneeling between Harry’s legs and taking in the entire length of him. Focused, eyes fluttering closed, breathing steadily through his nose. Harry tried to do the same but the wet choking, knotted noises echoed in the too-tight space, in his too-tight skull. He blinked away tears and thought it wouldn't happen again, or that he was dangerously likely to jerk awake suddenly, opening his eyes to an awful crick in his neck, the blurry dream of whatever this was already slipping back into some damp recess of his mind.

It did happen again and Draco remained stern about the talking. He didn't get any nicer.

Worse, it worked. The less Draco paid him any real attention, the more Harry's insides went simmering and worryingly pliable, the more he had to dole out careful allotments of air into his lungs whenever the stupid Port assignment arrived on his desk. 

They didn’t even see each other every time, there wasn’t a plan. And when it did happen, when Draco was there, crooked eyebrow in the nulled waiting room, he ran a smoothing palm down his front and wiped the whole fifteen minutes off his chest after, exiting the stall like he’d only just been in there to check for a stain on his lapel. Like he’d been entirely alone, like there was no Harry at all.

It worked so well Harry began to worry he was forgetting what counted for normalcy. During a date with a nice bloke named Josiah, or some other name that seemed like it was made to be said while handing over a steaming mug of tea in drowsy morning light (not like Malfoy, a sound that was born with bite marks, or Draco, the vowels of which sank down the throat smug and languid and silky) Harry found himself half-hard in the bathroom because they had the same hand dryer. He thought wildly about asking if - but no. It would have been crude and insane to say it, over a sensible portion of wine and a beef ribeye he couldn’t have given less of a shit about. And more so, it wouldn’t have been Draco.

Harry didn’t ask and didn’t see him again.

-

One morning, Harry brought him a bagel, from an actually good bakery, poppyseed, and Draco threw it in the bin without looking at it for more than three seconds. Rolled his eyes.

Annoyed about it even after, Harry went to smear his used up hand on Draco’s fine-fabric lap and Draco grabbed his wrist just as tight as he had the very first time, pulled him close and pinned him against the flimsy stall wall and jerked him off like that, brow furrowed and furious, Harry’s fly barely undone. 

“Don’t you dare,” Draco said, but his voice was rubbed raw and wanting all over, it sounded the same way it did when Harry used his spit-slicked fingers or tongue and Draco breathed, “Potter,” that splintered warning way furled right into his ear. It meant, “Yes.” 

His eyes were so bright they looked melted, the reduction of some coarse ore and he stared wild and steady and close.

-

So, Harry went after it.

He was good at this actually; he had an explicit talent when it came to glimpsing the shyest glint of far-off light and barreling towards it. And he’d seen it, that time and before, the incandescence of something huge folded into a tiny, hard to find promise. Draco had always played dirty, a little viscous, but he hadn't beaten him at fourteen and he certainly wouldn't win this time. 

Harry had caught it before and he would close his fist around it, again. Victors and spoils and all that.

for day 20 of @microficmay

[charlesnoentertainmentcheese]

casually leaking top secret files: elliots quote book. our little poet.

“my faggot bench!”

“magnussy”

“blast off! 😄 Its party time!!!😃🎉”

“theres not bugs in my bagel i swear”

“im allergic to josh hutcherson”

“I am a minimim”

“Oh worm i accidentally spelled banana”

“ive run off to play musical chairs”

“FUCK NO NO NO NOT MY SCARY SOAGETI PHAZE”

“Also the djungelskog is immune to fire I decided”

“I dont get it”

“Oh. Oh i see.”

“The camera be darriens”

“Hehehehehehheheh”

“hold my hand NOW!!!!”

“I smell potato. Im gonna die”

“Horray”

“NEW STATEMENT. ......of Jonathan sims...... Regarding a spooky book”

“Sonbign”

“wait wjos mr blinkkin”

“TUMMY HUT”

“STOP”

“WUAT

“STOP ADDING THINGS”

“GRRRR”

“ABAHABABAHABABHHABBAHABBAB”

“.....boob.............”

“Shit”

“Fuck”

“Damn”

“C O C K”

“I bite all of my friends [and you]”

“[Runs away] OW MY KNEES”

"i have a corrupt government plan"

“what if he had big naturals but it was just his eyebrows”

“earful? what about buttcheek full?”

“THE 😭😭😭MAGNUS😭😭😭 ARCHIVES😭😭😭”

“for someone who hates being mean to people-you talk a lot of buttcheek.”

“can i just have a peice of cheese? hooray!!”

“i have acquired cheese”

“giggling”

“*dabs*”

“its boobs** carter.”

“Because theyre fucking stupid, elliot.”

“Respond to me you buttcheek”

“you say thats the fattest thing youve ever heard—- have you heard yourself?”

“NOT YEAG”

“wait you need to add the-hold on i have to find it”

“im not gay”

“but men though”

“finish the story first awnwgh”

“WHO SAID THAT”

“I'M NOT A hOmOsExUaL”

“god FORBID”

“i hate gay people so much. i hope they all burn for their sins ooooh my name is elliot and im oh so hateful and i avtuslly said thtid. this isnt other elliot typing this up in hopes he will be cancelled, this is me, Josh Hutcherson saying i hate gay people.”

“Thats upsetting.”

“Rhe beabtles”

“KILL YOURSELF”

“sonbign”

“No bazinga”

“No, bazinga”

“No? bazinga”

“No! Bazinga?”

“no not lmoa”

“Good lord.”

“SOBBIGN”

“do i need to doxx this guys entire friend group.”

“I mean i said fuck it we ball but still”

“Nothing i thought we were just sharing what we were eating and what we were thinking abt”

“I know what im gonna wear… MY KNEE BRACES”

“Also im going to murder the guy that asked you to prom”

“hey dipper, if your show gonna make big money i can show you how to do tax fraud. wink wink.”

“it doesnt matter how it started it matters how its going”

“Mitchell…… ‘who is Migchel’ ‘mitchell…’ Cultist ‘woah’ *ex cultist ‘whyd he stop ☹️’ He got burnt at the stake 🤪 ‘HWTAP’ elliot sometimes i wish i understood the out of pocket shit you say’ :3”

“my plaSTIC NOOOOO”

“Will wood😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭”

“You die”

“OH MY FUCK MY QUEEADESA”

“DONT DROP HIM”

“HE WOULD PROBABLY DROP YOU TOO IF HE HAD LONGER ARMS”

“what if i slide into your bounce house”

“Autismo…Dont you mean… AWESOMEO”

“Wee woo”

“Movie tim…”

“THIS IS NO LAUGHI G BATTER”

“i am going to drink airport water real quick”

“i’m italian and german, im on the wrong side of ww2”

“im gonna bite someone do dododododo”

“mmm… medical help..”

“No like velcro”

“Is there a larry the cucumber in my bag right now, elliot.”

“MARTIN. STOP trying to TOUCH the PLASTIC EXPLOSIVE. just PUT YOUR HANDS in YOUR POCKETS or SOMETHING-“

Its crude oil! “Called it”

“if theres a will — WILL WOOD!”

“larold”

“stop rizzing up larry the cucumber.”

“This is…. larry the cucumber..”

“chiropracting…. OOOOW”

“i’m magnussing!”

“amongd us… what if amongst us?”

“i switch them out every other day” (referring to his collection of knees)

“dareiwn”

“FUCK ITS TOO LONG”

“😭🤣😭😭😭🧅😭so tried”

“His teerth aer nit skft😭😭😭😭😭”

“GOODFNINGET ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️”

“HOW DO YOU SAY MISSIPIPI”

“I’m serving cunt and ceaseless watcher”

“oh its my cult!”

“i was met with- BOOM TITTIES!!!”

“its a cult ritual ☝️”

“They crabs FUCK dude”

“Sigh. Faggot.”

“I love hole(s)”

“MISTER WHAT.”

“i wanna punt that kid into the sun. i want to make field goals with him, nevermind, i want to use him as the ball.”

“actually my mommy loves me very much”

“Booyah.”

“I love it when Mitski plays without my consent”

“Gerlad!!”

“Jaws the shart”

“THE REASON I KEEP GOING OFF SPEAKER IS BECAUSE I AM NOT SPEAKING I AN SCREAMING”

“I just perpetually hit the reblog button” (stuttering and on the verge of tears)

“They looked at tma and thought not gay enough”

“he suffers from white.”

“I didn't know your dog could bake”

“im not crying i swear i just have really wet autism eyes”

“What if. I forgot”

“Back in my day we didn't have no anti depressants. We just killed ourselves.”

“MAYcy”

“AAHHHH I KNOW THAT BALD HEAD ANYWHERE”

“THERE ARE COMMUNISTS IN MY FUNHOUSE”

“this is disgusting and i am going to be smearing it on my face”

“thats not charlie thats jesus hate to break it to you”

“im not crying okay? im batman.”

“THATS NOT ME ITS SHAKESPEARE, MODERN DAY SHAKESPEARE: HIS NAME IS WILL WOOD.”

“You look balder than usual.”

“asmr youre being eaten alive”

“THERES A TRAIN GOING ON BY MY HOUSE IM FUCKING TWEAKING I LOVE TRAINS SO MUCH”

“autism be damnked my boy can cook a bbq”

“autism win💀💀👻”

“Jonathermostat”

“let me give andrew the biggest, wettest, autism eyes ever.”

“hey bucko- hey FUCKo”

“yeah. take that POOKIE.”

“i do what i want BIETCH”

“am i so white that white face paint makes no difference “

“GOD. who needs that much food at once!! Slow down!!”

“The trout population will be affected.”

“i need a little baby rat— actually youre my little baby rat”

“balls blast? ohhh”

“the number of miles is i dont care—oh fuck”

“hashtag my tummy really hurts”

“*whispered after a long moment of silence* you should go on township…”

“would you like me to be your waiter.”

“thats a real knee-slapper— OW MY KNEES”

“balls”

hehehehehehehe hi its me elliot

JUDAS NOW

“I dont freeze Im too hot😎😎😎”

“i’d prefer not to have titties, thanks.”

you’ve been exposed @possiblyhenry

[prosperdemeter2]

Teaser Tuesday - psychic!AU

“Okay,” Eddie rounded the top of the stairs, dropped his duffle in the corner and grabbed a paper cup to hand to Chimney. “We have your… weird thing.” 

“It’s not weird,” Chimney stuck his nose in the air as he said it, taking off the plastic lid and immediately downing half the cup. “It’s a red velvet coffee.” 

“It’s literally a mocha,” Eddie rolled his eyes but grabbed Bobby’s instead of pausing to get into the same argument with Chimney again. Chim liked playfully arguing and, aside from Hen who only did it sometimes, Eddie was the only one really willing to go along with it. “Cap, your chai tea.” 

Bobby smiled and pat him on the shoulder. “Thanks, Eddie.” 

“Hen, your simple order of iced coffee,” Eddie passed it over with a grin.

“You’re an angel.” Hen blew him a kiss from where she was digging into the paper bag in search of her poppy seed bagel. 

“And here’s yours.” He popped it right into Buck’s hand, trying not to flush at the tips of his ears at the way Buck beamed up at him. He leaned, for what was probably much too long in his space, forearms on the back of the couch and his eyes taking in the article about recent archeological findings Buck was reading. “Weren’t you reading that last night?” Eddie asked without thinking about the implications (what implications, really? The team already knew that they talked the most outside of their shifts. Bobby even called them on it, sometimes. What’s up with Buck? How late did you two stay up last night? Not that Eddie usually stayed up too late - Buck was the one with the habit of staying up all night long, Eddie was just typically the one he texted when he was having trouble.). 

“That was a different article.” Buck shook his phone in emphasis. On the inside of his wrist was a crude sharpie drawing - Eddie knew Jee-Yun had done it the last time he had watched her. Buck had a habit of letting her color in his tattoos. Chim thought it was hilarious, Eddie thought it was probably one of the cutest things about him. “Did you know that archeologists are rethinking the majority of the shit they’ve found over the years and said belonged to men? Apparently, like, a huge percentage of warrior bodies they’ve found could have belonged to women.” 

Eddie did know that, but only because Buck had texted him the same exact sentiment and phrasing at approximately two in the morning and Eddie had read it when he woke up. Granted, there had been a lot more typos and expletives but, well… that was just how they typed. “Wait,” Chimney said with a frown clear in his voice. “Why is there a whole cup of ice? Are you just going to chew ice, Eddie?” 

He could but only because the way Buck always looked at him in horror was absolutely hilarious and adorable. “No.” Eddie snorted and straightened up. 

The way Buck’s face lit up at the mention, though, was also adorable. He swung himself off the couch, shoved his phone low in his pocket, and sauntered forward, jerking the cup out of Chimney’s hand with a grin. “That’s mine.” 

Chim scrunched his face at him. “Why do you want a cup of ice?” He watched, though, as Buck took off the top of the black coffee he had asked for, took off the cover of the ice, poured half of it in an empty cup, and tipped his hot coffee over the cubes. “W…” Chimney blinked. 

“Buck,” Hen snickered. “Why not just get an iced coffee?” 

“It waters it down.” Buck shrugged and Eddie, in an act of defiance (or, really, in an effort to see the way Buck’s nose would wrinkle up at the sight), grabbed one of the unused cubes and popped it into his mouth. He bit into it with a smile and… there it was. Buck’s nose wrinkled, his eyes widened, and he stopped, his own drink halfway to his mouth. “You’re insane.” 

Maybe, or maybe he just liked to find little ways to make Buck smile. “I’m going to go change.” Eddie told the room at large, weaving between all of them to grab his bag and duck into the locker room. 

“Would Eddie order a cup of ice if I asked him to?” Chimney wondered aloud. “Or is that just another special Buck perk?” 

[25-million-bees]

i think it's time for a

*drumroll*

"Proper" Tumblr Introduction !!!!!!!!!!

so i saw people doing an introduction and i went "hey that seems fun" so im gonna list a buncha things off the top of my head about myself and if y'all wanna know more then you can use the "ask" button (which places me in a digital interrogation room complete with the crude swinging light and awkward room composition. see image below)

also known as infodumping about myself

anyways i should stop rambling and start...

Introducing!!!

(tons of yapping or whatever the kids call it under the cut)

hi my name's bagel/bagelist/darkarabicacoffee/whatever other name you can think of!!! im a minor and aroace (kinda fluctuates though) and i don't like to see kissing being described or talked about since it's GROSS keep your GERMS out of THEIR GERMS you DISGUSTING BEAST OF SIN (note: the previous description was exaggerating but still!!), also a he/they fella

uhh i like a lotta games. can't list many off the top of my head usually i just go feral when they're mentioned but the ones i can recall rn r project moon games (lobotomy corporation, library of ruina, limbus company), pressure (yes. the roblox game. i do that sometimes.), ultrakill, cult of the lamb, and some other games bounce around in my head frequently Oh AND ISAT!!!

im a silly fella (:3) and i tend to say one or two words in response when in an actual conversation (but I'm getting better!!!)

oh yea i forgot abt the myer briggs n shit. ok so apparently im intp + 5w4 which is cool

i like making creatures n anomalies in general and giving them descriptions n stuff and blahblah (also!! ocs!! oo shiny!!)

creatures are cool. sharks r cool. everything is cool

certified agnostic (i think??)

anyways it's 11:24 pm and the cough medicine that's supposed to make me sleep hasn't made me sleep yet + im running out of ideas for this intro sooooo yea, good luck have fun and have a great day ig

[spricket-central]

i set up poppyseeds new tank and im tryna move her in, but...

she doesnt wanna leave the jr. tube!

cmon seedling its okay! come out and explore your cool new house!

youve probs noticed the wonky lil blue "spricket coop" i made her with my 3d pen, ahaha. heres a better pic of it from last night when i finished it!

very crude, very messy, but (hopefully) functional! its more of a proof of concept than anything, to see if it works before i put the effort into tryna make a nicer, prettier one someday. if shes not into it, i can always give it to bagel and see what he thinks.

[lilmissnatcat24]

i'm so ridiculously happy because i didn't really know where i wanted the sequel of turn left to go, like a had a very vague general outline in my head but with just the crude plot points. and i was eating my lil bagel in the morning and it HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING TRUCK exactly the route i want to take, and now i finally feel motivated to try and write it because tbh i was getting kinda jaded but now i'm like BARK BARK BARK LET'S WRITE THIS THING. ((the og plot was lowkey weird i was going to base it off of like a chess match? like each chapter was a chess move? in theory it sounds cool but a] i'm not good enough to pull something like that off and b] I HAVE NEVER WON A GAME OF CHESS IN MY LIFE))

[pondslime]

find the word wip game

rules: search your wip(s) for the words given to you and share a sentence, then assign words for the people you tag

@visceravalentines MEG TYSM FOR THIS TAG this was so SO fckn fun. what an electric concept!! I shared more than a sentence for each bc I'm a fiend

my words were mouth, fall, dirt, teeth, and open!! cracking my knuckles like wooooooooo let's GOOOO

MOUTH;

from sacramentum (midnight mass // father paul hill x reader)

What happened to Mary in that cave? Alone, having stripped herself of all other pleasures—nothing but her thoughts and the one book she’d allowed herself. Wandering the seaside and building crucifixes out of sticks and roots, tied together by some stray fishing line. Had she looked down on his face, whittled crudely out of stone, and wished for steadier hands to carve his likeness? How many times had she woken with the sound of the sea in her ears? Perched by the mouth of the cave, watching the sky turn from gray to blue to gold to black?

Did she ever see ships on the horizon? What did she think of them? Had she ever thought of flagging one down? And what was the punishment she’d given herself for that?

When did you stop feeling hungry? You couldn’t survive on tears alone.

FALL;

from dancing in the moonlight (an american werewolf in london // david kessler & jack goodman x reader)

“We could’ve gotten frostbite.” Jack mutters.

“In the worst case scenario, yes, I suppose.” David replies, helping himself to a bagel.

“We almost got trench foot.”

“We did not!” David exclaims, laughing.

“That’s why I said almost, poindexter.” Jack counters. “One more night of wet socks and my toes would’ve fallen off. One by one—” He flicks his index finger three times, making a popping noise with his lips. “And it would’ve been all your fault. Good luck explaining that to my mother when we get back in the states. Oh, sorry Mrs. Goodman, I had Jack trekking through miles upon miles of soggy moorland and now he’s toeless. Those socks you knit him, forget about it. Maybe give it ‘til next Hanukkah and he’ll regrow his toes—oh, wait…”

“You’re ridiculous.” David shakes his head.

“Oh yeah? I’ll remember that when I’m decomposing next to you. Toes gone. Rotting.” Picking up the tongs, Jack wavers above the platter of croissants. “Sure you’ll find me real funny then, you schmuck.”

DIRT;

from sometime after midnight (house of wax // bojangles sinclair x reader)

The dull blue glow from the keypad barely illuminates the ground, but you can make out the unmistakable sign of cherry red fluid leaking onto the dirt. A steady trickle of it drips from the underside of the car—and it's not stopping anytime soon.

Your transmission is fucked.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” You exclaim.

TEETH;

from serotonin (house of wax // carly jones x reader)

She pictures her tank top, bloody and tattered, stuffed into a plastic bag labeled with EVIDENCE in bold letters. The prosecutor clicks to the next projection slide and there she is, another picture.

“Who are the women in the photographs? Are they still alive? It’s difficult." The detective on the screen grimaces. "We only have remnants of them. We’ve found teeth…clothes. The trophies they kept of these women will hopefully lead us to discovering their identities. I don’t know how long it’s going to take. But they deserve to have their names given back to them.”

“Carly?”

OPEN;

from a handful of bluebonnets (tcm // thomas hewitt x reader)

He’d been young. Young enough to still show his face, but old enough to know that it was the reason people were staring. He didn’t remember much from that day, just open-mouthed stares and the cow at the county fair with big watery eyes. Black, shining irises eclipsing the thin white sclera, framed with long lashes. She was a regal old thing, standing with her neck held high, ears twitching.

He thought he saw her again once, years later.

Her coat was duller, her head dropping. She’d traded her blue ribbons for slippery red blood, splattered along the wall and running down the grate. You use up all your usefulness on pride and this is where you’re bound to end up.

Maybe she’d been the first one. Spoiled with the heartbreak of a life that never came to be.

tagging @possumteeths, @f1nalboys, @pretty-possum, and aaaaaaa I'm blanking on who else might have wips fdjshjhfdsjhsdf

so!! whoever else wants to do this!!! pls consider urself tagged!!

your words are blood, eyes, sleep, skin, & break 👀👀👀

[dreadwedge]

i could lick and have licked. i could click and have clicked. i could kick and have kicked. i could stick and have stuck. i could tick and have tucked. i may dick and have fucked. i have sick and may yuck. i stood quick and say 'shucks'. i wood brick sand clay muck. a good trick in grey tux. a wood pick can break blocks. a hoodwinked man dates bots. accrued pink bandaid box. a good shrink scans brain rots. a cruise ship delayed launch. a crude wink can raise haunch. a viewed face can sink ships. a brewed drink and braised tips. a third baseman licks lips. lebron james can make stops. a handmaiden strips socks. a hind mutton cooks chops. a hound might enjoy chips. o high and mighty boy nips. not all heteros wear capes. what light through yonder window breaks. you can't teach an old dog. shave and a haircut. bagel schmear with lox. 123456. endosymbiosis. did you get new glasses? no? or pierce your ears maybe? ah, the eyepatch, of course, that must be it; i knew something had changed. i like it, you look good. wait - is your eye, like, ok?

[skrillien]

My honest review of the book of mormon, and musings about south park:

my grandmother took me to see the book of mormon on broadway tonight, bless her heart... i don't recommend seeing TBOM with your grandparents, by the way. i mean, mine is cool, but on principle...

anyway, i had never seen the show or listened to the soundtrack before, only heard good things about it ("it's funny/really good") and knew it was created by matt stone and trey parker- i went in basically blind. coming into the theater, i didn't have any expectations, because as a creator i don't want people to base their expectations of my work on what i'm known for. i don't want people to crack open something like love me dead expecting my little mikey.

so i went in expecting nothing. maybe a more serious narrative than i should have expected from matt stone and trey parker. not anything negative about the mormon church, because at one point in time i'd seen every single episode of south park ever aired and they make it clear they have no ill will toward the so-called church minus thinking their beliefs are silly.

so, anyway, i sat down and watched a two-hour long south park episode performed live on stage.

i stopped watching south park at some point because i just felt the humor became too topical, too on-the-nose. older south park episodes very rarely felt they were satirizing a specific news story or scandal, and then we got an entire season about the 2016 election. it really wasn't my cup of tea and turned me off of the show entirely.

watching the book of mormon tonight really brought that joy to me again, of turning on an old south park episode for the first time and laughing your 12-year-old ass off at the crude humor. it was so random, so fucking ridiculous. i was in tears. toward the beginning, i found myself critiquing things- the stereotyped portrayal of africa that we've all seen a million times when africa is, largely, much more developed than western media gives it credit for [and not to claim that none of the problems the play portrays exist in real-life africa, it is a vast continent after all. but when real-life africans get asked shit like "where do you get phones" "where do you get clothes", we can all agree it's an annoying and tired trope], but by the second act they practically spelled it out for me. it's a farce. none of it exists to inform you or be taken seriously.

while some of the jokes are punching down and not in good spirit even with this reading (namely, the gag of elder cunningham forgetting nabulungi's name... though i wonder if it was meant to riff off the joke we all make about forgetting bagel coreograph's* name and didn't land well just because of the character they chose for it being an african woman) it's that same "it's fiction, it exists to laugh at, and if you think it represents reality that's your gullibility" mentality i like to stick by that lets me sit with it. i think it's just as funny as old south park episodes were then, just as offensive too- i'm more mature now and can't find it quite as funny although i still enjoyed the show.

the actors were all fantastic. cody strand was perfect in the role of elder cunningham, and kim exum's voice was incredible. all the ensemble members shone, too! on the technical side, i want to shout out the lightwork for the show. particularly during "you and me (but mostly me)"... there was a part where the lights fanned out from the stage and engulfed the entire theater- the effect was incredible.

and i couldn't find anywhere in the post to fit this, but i do want to point out a few disability and accomodation things for anyone considering seeing the show on broadway- the theater has no elevator, which was a little hard on my grandmother (as we had mezzanine seats). there were augmented listening devices and closed captions available, and i took advantage of both; the listening device was a little uncomfortable to wear, but i could hear much better with it- though the signal was a tad finnicky. the captions were spot-on, though sometimes they updated too quickly or not quickly enough. overall, the theater is working with what they have, but i do hope the accomodations improve in the future. and the show itself, of course, is definitely for those who like nonsense humor and don't mind being offended- anyone who likes south park will probably like the book of mormon.

(*benedict cumberbatch)

[goose777]

when i use the word fuck it's eloquent, academic, and always perfectly appropriate for the situation idk why you keep saying "stop it that's crude" or "chill out it's just a bagel"

[mspi]

It's not about lowering your standards. Ya only gotta get creative. Is the fruit getting old? I think we've got a chance to get creative.

Onion sprouts, cream cheese, and there's a package of bagels on the counter. Let's toast the sucker and work it all out. I call the jalapenos to dice & sprinkle on along with the crispy bacon.

There are sooo many surprising waiting for you that you haven't noticed before. Yeah, Tongue is right with giving the fridge another close look.

🧠 Remember being in that situation?

👩‍💻 Yep, the onion sprouts surprised me do much I was sure to grab them at Walmart when there -- there had to be cameras watching me and making sure I didn't take all they had.

Don't believe I even get that way with Starbucks anymore. Let's see, what am I cray about now? Really, idk.

There it is, I want a dog again. How's this for a crude fill-in?

Thought so. At least I don't have to pick up my phone to watch it. It's sorta nice to relax with something that doesn't take up room, need serious concentration, or a data plan. Now that I put it that way, I guess my old PCP was right about a virtual pet or something I can play with and not be allergic to.

-- dnagirl

19.10.2024

[fvntasmic]

ROMANCE HEADCANONS

tagged by:@adoratixns

name: lucas john moore.

nickname: luke (prefers).

gender: male.

romantic orientation:  homosexual.

preferred pet names: baby, princess.

relationship status: single 

favorite current canon ship: morgan wilson verse. 

favorite current non-canon ship: morgan wilson verse - specifically when they fought over a bagel.

opinion on true love: doesn't believe it exists.

 opinion on love at first sight: doesn't believe in it.

how ‘romantic’ are they?:  sometimes he'll pay for dinner, and sometimes he won't call his partner a crude name (dickhead, asshole, etc).

ideal physical traits: sucker for curly hair, likes someone who's taller than him. luke really likes someone who will put up with his attitude, and give it right back to him. he's a sucker for good banter. luke also likes someone who's possessive and protective of him.

ideal personality traits:  someone who is protective and confident. he'll never admit this, but he also likes persistence.

unattractive physical traits: anyone who kisses his ass, or is overly touchy (to an extent, if he's comfortable, he won't mind it).

unattractive personality traits: someone whose too conceited, or greedy. he also doesn't care for laziness.

ideal date: nothing too flashy, he likes casual dates. a night in with some takeout and a crappy horror movie from the 80s playing.

do they have a type? he prefers someone that matches his energy

average relationship length: he's only had one serious one that lasted 5 years, after that, he hasn't had a relationship since. 

preferred non-sexual intimacy: possessive touches

commitment level:  he's a runner he's a track star (but, if he gets to that level, he's 110% in)

 displays of public affection: occasional kisses, but not a super big fan.

past relationships? one from about 5 years ago.

tagging: anyone else who wants!

[ut-poppy-askblog]

What's in Core's everything pie? What IS core's everything pie? Is the pie crust made from crushed up bits of other pie crusts? Is every known pie filling in it? If so, wouldn't "known fillings" be a near infinite list considering Core is omnipresent? Or is it more like everything available in the pantry? Or, considering the whole dang reality is full of multiversal magic and other such shenanigans, is the everything pie A Literal Every Thing pie, like The Everything Bagel from Everything, Everywhere, All At Once?

You introduced a concept and I need details. So many foods in your world I wanna make at home!!! They look so good!!! Not the Lemonaid tho, that's just morbid curiosity.

So cubic (one of our writers) had this idea that every pie would have a rainbow/prismatic filling to it. But the thing about the 'Everything Pie' is that it'd taste exactly like your favorite thing.

And there's two ways to see this: it's either that Core knows what pie you'll be buying at the expo, and has thus meticulously arranged it so that any pie you buy, they have accounted for, or that the pie magically adapts to your taste buds. It could be interpreted either way, but you won't ever get the recipe from them. (Unless you're a family member. And sign a 30 page long, crudely written NDA.)

Either way, this means that any possible pie filling you could think of, they've managed to get a rainbow/primsatic color out of!

As for the crust and whatnot, I think Core is quite fond of offering a lot of variety. I'd think they offer a 'every flavor crust' and 'every crust additive', or just a plain ol crust.

[vegietribe]

A HEALTHY VEGAN GROCERY LIST

There are so many astounding vegan foods out there, you may be surprised by just how many choices there are! Here are a couple of examples of some of the foods, vegans eat.

FRUITS & VEGETABLES

Purchase fruits and vegetables from all the categories beneath. Pick up affordable basics like carrots, apples, bananas, and celery, and supplement with produce that’s in season.

FRUITS

Frozen fruit is useful for smoothies and baking. Previously frozen fruit was used for topping oatmeal or non-dairy yogurts. Dried fruit can be taken on the go with nuts or can be used as a topping for breakfast cereal, and in baking.

Apples Pears Kiwis Oranges Grapefruit Lemons Limes Peaches Plums Nectarines Bananas Raspberries Blackberries Watermelon Honeydew Cantaloupe Apricots Grapes Mangoes Cherries Strawberries Last but not least, Blueberries

FROZEN

Strawberries Raspberries Blueberries Mixed berry blends Sweet cherries Mango Mixed fruit blends

DRIED

Raisins Currants Cranberries Apricots Dates Figs Apple slices Lastly, Banana chips

VEGETABLES

Purchase a couple of vegetables to eat crude in salads, sandwiches, or with dips. Pick up at least 1-2 mixed greens for salad bases and sandwiches. Choose an assortment of fresh or frozen vegetables that are really great for steaming, sautéing,  stir-frying, and roasting. Frozen vegetables are an extraordinary staple and are exceptionally flexible.

FRESH (RAW & COOKING)

Broccoli Carrots Celery Cauliflower Cucumbers Snap peas Tomatoes Bell peppers Avocado

FRESH (COOKING)

Zucchini Mushrooms Squashes Asparagus Kale Garlic

FRESH (LEAFY GREENS)

Baby Kale Baby Spinach Romaine Butter Lettuce Leaf Lettuce Salad Mixes

FROZEN

Broccoli Asparagus Spinach Corn Peas Edamame Stir-fry mixes

GRAINS, BEANS & LEGUMES

Keep at least 2, 100% whole grain bakery products on hand for making sandwiches, wraps, or pitas. These products freeze well so keep a selection in your freezer and simply defrost single servings as needed. Keep 2-3 whole grains or starches & a couple of beans, legumes, and soy items. Blend and match them and add a vegetable side dish for a complete meal. The cereal is incredible to keep on hand for easy & healthy breakfasts.

100% WHOLE WHEAT

Bread Tortillas English muffins Bagels Pitas Pasta

WHOLE GRAINS & STARCHES

Oatmeal (quick, rolled, or steel-cut) Brown rice Quinoa Seitan (wheat gluten) Sweet Potatoes Russet Potatoes

BEANS & LEGUMES

Chickpeas (canned/dry) Black Beans (canned/dry) Kidney Beans Lentils (dry) Hummus Veggie Burgers (lentil, bean, or vegetable-based) Edamame (frozen)

SOY PRODUCTS

Firm Tofu Soft/ Silken Tofu Smoked/ Marinated Tofu Tempeh Soy milk

You can read out the amazing blogs & recipes at Vegie Tribe. Vegie Tribe an assortment of vegan foods.