#cringe thought process.

[crowwwzy]

hrrnngh your art is so eatable thank you for making it

also i love ur narumitsu stuff <333

UWAAA you flatter me!!!! Thank you so much it means the world to me aaa

I‘m DYING to make more,,,they are all that‘s on my mind but I keep getting distracted by fanfiction *shakes fist at all the amazingly talented writers out there*

Looked in my sketch files for anything Narumitsu to reply with but all I have is this

[neversetyoufree]

Phil Lester voice: They're Touching!!~

[moxymaxing]

If the main pd cast had pjsk kizuna ranks because i could

[riddlerosehearts]

figured out how to edit the game files and combine some mods so i could try out different things with gale's earring because i have a lot of thoughts... also gale's earring should really be positioned lower but i'm having an issue with one of the mods, oh well

[mellowwhumps]

Whumperless Whump Event Day 5: “I’ll count, you just breathe.”

OCs: Haley, Halcyon

CW: emotional anguish // i try my best to write panic attacks

@whumperless-whump-event

He should be composed. He was raised to be composed, raised to never let people know his thoughts. The more he thinks that, the more his chest tightens. Something’s going to go wrong. Something’s always going to go wrong, anything involving him.

His mind screams at him, a million thoughts a minute. He needs to go away, far away from this city or any person. He’s a liability, an unknown variable, everything that should have stayed destroyed along with his home.

He can’t breathe. He needs to control himself or he’ll die. His breaths catch halfway and don’t surface. He can’t breathe.

Someone’s coming, and he reaches for his weapon, and it isn’t there, of course it isn’t there, he left it with his past. It brings him a strange sort of comfort to know there won’t be anything left to protect him. 

Black spots appear in his vision, false weightlessness enveloping him like some phantom touch. It was easy enough to think about breathing in and out. The hard part was the thumping of his heart, the twisting of his throat around itself, dry and faulty. The darkness, that uncertainty, the shrouding of himself behind denial of denial. He doesn’t want to fall back asleep, the one thought breaking through a cacophony of other disjointed ones.

His brain feels foggy. Lack of blood. 

Someone’s speaking to him. 

“I will count. Focus on breathing.” An order. He should follow it. “In, two, three, four.” He tries. The air almost doesn’t reach his lungs once again, but he focuses. “Out, two, three, four.” Breathe out. Breathe out. Focus on the voice, and breathe out. There is no need to run. There is nothing bad waiting for him in this very room.

Repeat. In and out and in and out. In, out. 

The voice hands him a glass. He takes it and nearly drops it with trembling hands, steadying his grip hastily. 

He wants to say something, say anything, but he’d spiral again if he tried. Simple as that. He’s still trying to catch his breath. 

Closing his eyes, he sits in silence for a long, long time. When he finally opens them again, the voice, no, woman, is still there.

It brings him more comfort than he’d like to admit. 

[dekupalace]

Tell me about your pokemon OCs please :D?

[took forever to get to this cause I didn't get a notif for it???] I didn't think I'd get this far...

most of the "ocs" are the customizable protags from the newer games BUT...I do have one (1) original with their own little backstory

say hi to auria !! (image made with this picrew)

uh-ohhh arceus fucked up! when sending the legends protag back to hisui, a few others got warped around in time! and auria was no exception!

auria is originally from hisui, but was sent forward in time (a couple years after ethan/lyra would become champion) and now lives in the woods around ecruteak city in johto. she's now found herself with nothing but a book full of pokemon sketches and notes (her pokedex), the clothes on her back, and her first name...

and her team of course!

in order: sage, spark, splash, sprout, sneaks, scout

but who knows how the people of johto would react to seeing such a strange typhlosion...

(more backstory under the cut) [cw for pokemon death and a lil bit of violence]

auria was always very interested in pokemon and loved researching them and studying them before she was ever discovered and brought in by the survey corps (NOT the galaxy team. it's the team rocket equivalent basically). she had run away from home at a very young age in order to join an expedition team cause it was her live-long dream of finding out what these pokemon were all about. at her age, however, pokemon were more feared than anything else, so she was relied on heavily to do most of the research given her bravery around them. she even made pokeballs by herself, though not nearly as stable or useful as they were once she was taught how to make them properly, but it was basically enough to make others trust her to get the job done

auria put ALL of her time and energy into pokemon, up to the point of barely speaking with other humans over the years, only communicating with her team and other wild pokemon. one of the last pokemon she caught for her team was...a shy, terrified teddiursa. auria didn't want to force it to be a part of her team, so she offered it food and let it be afterwards. with this act of kindness, the teddiursa started coming back for more food, and eventually learned to trust auria and stay with her. auria decided to name the little teddiursa "sweetie"

she did everything for her team, though sweetie was basically the runt of the team...it hardly fought due to its fear and anxiety, but that didn't stop auria from loving it as much as the rest of her pokemon. while the others evolved and got stronger...sweetie stayed at a lower level and continued to be small. auria was basically carrying it around like a baby for a majority of their time together, but this wasn't necessarily a bad thing by any means

one day, while auria and her team were sound asleep at their campsite, some researchers from the survey corps had snuck up on them. auria was bonding with these "dangerous beasts" WAY too easily, and it led a lot of the team to not trust her anymore, especially considering her lack of communication once she were given the resources to continue her own catching and research on her own terms. so...they had approached the camp with weapons and some of their own pokemon, and sweetie was the only one awake at the time, and jumped out to protect auria. and in its moment of heroism...it evolved into ursaring, letting out a terrifying roar that scared the researchers and woke up auria, just in time for her to witness her precious sweetie...get killed in front of her very eyes.

the anguish she felt...it sent auria over the edge and she screamed, attacking the researchers with her pokemon. they were begging and attempting to say it was a misunderstanding, or that they were just trying to help save her from the dangers of her team...but she didn't give them a chance. after the survey corps members retreated, auria ran off as well with the rest of her team, leaving herself with only her pokemon for comfort, never to be found by the expedition team again

originally, she had planned on getting revenge. she trained her team until all of them were fully evolved and powerful, she found and caught a very high level garchomp and trained it to attack without mercy...it was going scarily well. but then she suddenly found herself feeling dizzy, light-headed...and she woke up in the middle of some unfamiliar woods. she was not in hisui anymore

now, fearful of the unknown, she survives in the woods with her pokemon, and tries to learn about the modern world without being noticed so she can eventually show herself confidently...or find a way back to hisui so she can finish what she started

whatever comes first...

[cherry-dr0p]

🔷️❤️ TWO SIDES OF A DIFFERENT COIN

Decided to draw two favourite science guys (TECHNICALLY ENGINEERING IS A SCIENCE ACCORDING TO THE INTERNET DONT YELL AT M- /j)

Anyways, they're pretty much two of my favourites for vastly different reasons, though if we're honest, these two have a 0% chance of getting along (at least in my head, they wouldn't. I honestly don't see it happening).

Though l do like to imagine them meeting somehow. It's funny to me tbh. They'd 100% hate each other, Im telling you.

Even better, Imagine Godzilla hypothetically found his way into Midgar along with Kenji

Even better including Godzilla into the equation. Hojo's dumbass would see the big fella and go "Hmm yes, new test subject." Despite it probably having a strong chance of crushing him or brutally throwing him like a lifeless ragdoll once he gets near.

Anyways here's the sketch (that I like far more than the final product);

And to add a few extras,

Kenji Noda doodles !!! Hes up in my classroom now too. Everyone shall see him >:3

(Also have a funny Pintrest image I drew with Kenji because it made me giggle)

Thats all anyways. Im done torturing the one character who doesnt deserve it <3

(Hojo does LMFAO)

Edit: Sobbing because Ive realised I made spelling mistakes when I drew the comic last night

[jsdimensions]

i can't believe it. i might be a pokemon. shinji chair pose

[marsbotz]

guys 🤯 i think being bullied my entire childhood has affected me psychologically

[junkolt]

“You are so stupid I could kill you,” Malfoy raged, and kissed him.

It was possibly the worst kiss of Harry’s life. Malfoy was obviously too frantic and angry to think about it at all, it was just a crush of mouths as if Malfoy had decided that hitting Harry with his face was the way to punish him, and it made every muscle in Harry’s body relax abruptly and completely.

— “Drop Dead Gorgeous” by Maya

[4giorno]

idk maybe something is wrong with me but i dont get any second hand embarrasment from or find it cringy what buck is saying on the date

[renaultmograine]

I love how petty D&D god drama is

[horseshoemybeloved]

Color mock ups done for a new piece.

1: I dig the low contrast, creates a very soft airy look. I’m not sure if I really want this piece to be pastel tho. I’m also not sure about how that would pair with a dark brown/almost black liner.

2: has a little bit more weight to it, more contrast. I feel like each member sticks out better. Still pastely yet lacks the same soft look as 1 ( due to there being more contrast ).

3: again, loving the low contrast, very misty night vibes. Might be Too dark, all the focus goes to the flowers, and Then you see the face.

4: more balanced than 3, their faces are lighter and more warm toned, which contrast with the dark cool tones. Very strong contender, my only fear is that their hair and clothes blend into the background too much. Gives it a little bit of floating heads vibe.

5: low contrast but with bright vibrant colors, which I love. I do feel like they Really blend into eachother, which you could write off and make it some “ oh it’s to represent how only when together do they form a band and that they’re intertwined being into the darkness “ yada yada fake deep spiel. But that wasn’t my intention and I don’t really like trying to write off technical issues as “ oh uh it’s My Style™️ “

6: another Very strong contender. I love when colors do this little dance of almost being opposites, yet flowing into eachother so. Orange and blue, yellow and purple, those are opposite colors, so you get a lovely contrast. But the oranges have a lot of pink in them which flows really well with all the purple. I do this this aspect needs to be pushed more, adding more pinks into the warm tones. This one’s is also guilty of having a slightly awkward low contrast. I think if I pushed the yellows in Andy and Patrick, and the pink/magentas in Joe and Pete, it may help separate them.

[scoups4lyfe]

George Karizaki and the Tragic Clown Paradox

(aka) The George Karizaki Dilemma — My George Character Analysis

WARNING: This essay goes into dark topics such as child abuse, trauma, and many other touchy and sensitive topics. Read at your own risk, basically. Also contains spoilers up to episode 48 of Revice. 

Warning, again—sensitive topics ahead. 

big thanks to @alpona for inspiring me to actually write and post this.

My Interpretation of the Inner Demon Reveal 

Vulnerability is defined in the Oxford Dictionary as: “​​the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.” George Karizaki is a character that uses humor to disguise vulnerability. On the surface he comes off as more of an unbothered-genius, or mad scientist archetype. He works on what he likes, moral or not, all with an infuriating cocky-smile on his face. But humor isn’t the only thing George uses to hide his vulnerabilities, the very mask of ‘mad scientist,’ or a ‘villain’ caricature/persona is one of the other substantial ways George disguises his own traumas, fears, and pains. At the heart of it all, George cannot be analyzed without being placed in the “Tragic Clown Paradox.” Or— the ‘sad clown paradox’ as wikipedia calls it. 

Wikipedia defines said paradox as: “The contradictory association between comedy and mental disorders such as depression and anxiety.” 

More specifically, the link between humor and trauma. The paradox here, of course, being the fact that clowns—who are associated with laughter, fun, etc.—are actually the saddest or perhaps loneliest individuals in the room.  

This analysis seeks to examine George Karizaki as a character: how he’s being presented, his type of humor, and most importantly—how it all relates to his trauma. 

First on the list of analysis then, is the clown archetype and why I think George fits particularly well into it, and what that might mean for the character. In the article “The Great Comedians: Personality & Other Factors,” Samuel S. Janus states:

 “The world of theatre has always found meaningfully symbolic the alternate faces of comedy and tragedy. Historically, court jesters were tragicomic figures— the embodiment of the bittersweet of life. Among the oppressed, the role of social critic has been the comedian's forte. Freud indicated that humor is a release for anxiety, to quote Abe burrows: ‘The comedian must practice his comedy in order to avoid destroying himself.’ Jack Carter, another leading humanist, says: ‘the funny part, the laughter, is given to the audience, but the comedian is left with the bitter dregs.’ Comedy has been described by a leading theologian as: ‘The ability to laugh at one’s own tragedy.’”  

This is a particularly powerful section looking at the role of the tragicomic—the jester, the clown; and just how entwined with tragedy said comic is. Now, examining George’s portrayal in the show, fifty-one seconds into the first episode of Revice we are introduced to George first via his voice-over explanation about the Giff stamp. Then he brings up the idea of fighting demons with demons and with a snap of his fingers he brings up Daiji’s profile. Here we see George as a confident scientist. He obviously has a plan and knows what he’s doing. All, as stated previously, with a cocky-smile on his face. 

At Daiji’s coronation he cuts off Hiromi and pushes him humorously out of the way, saying he’s ‘taking too long.’ (This is notably also the first episode where we hear mention of his father and/or his father’s scientific legacy.) During the entire attack at the coronation, George is shown to be one of the only people not panicking. He’s rational and level-headed, even warning Hiromi not to try using the vistamp because it would be too strong for him. But then refusing to intervene or do anything more, letting Hiromi go through (and fail) at transforming. Simply stating: “See?” when things go wrong. This—from the standpoint of the audience, is also quite humorous. 

George takes on this theatrical jester archetype throughout the entirety of the series, sarcastically commenting on the sidelines as things take place within the central plotline. Like with Hiromi’s failed henshin. In “Fools are Everywhere” Beatrice Otto takes notice that ‘It is the nature of jesters to speak their minds when the mood takes them, regardless of the consequences.” In fiction, and real life, jesters employ a variety of skills. Such as storytelling. In fact, the modern term derives from gestour, or jestour, Anglo-Norman (French) meaning ‘storyteller’ or ‘minstrel.’ (Wikipedia) Jesters have a privilege of mocking/stating the truth to those in power (King) and being able to get away with it. George Karizaki is shown (like in episode 1) to mock, narrate, or comment on a situational folly or irony—again, such as Hiromi’s failed transformation. 

There are, of course, other notable instances of George’s jester antics—such as in episode 2, when Hiromi is informed he’s been demoted. Stating: “Your disgraceful failures to protect our Vistamp research labs AND inauguration ceremony have led you here.” So truthful and mean that you, as the audience, can’t help but feel bad and be amused. But instead of ending it there, George puts on that mocking smile of his and says in English, “Don’t mind, Hiromi.” 

George, like most jesters, are passive commentators rather than active forces within the narrative. They spectate. In fact, the most active thing George does is create vistamps to be used, which is barely, if ever, shown on screen. Yet somehow George still manages to manipulate and dictate main storyline events. Often working as the catalyst for something to happen in the episode. Such as when he gives Daiji a henshin device, or when he sticks a tracker on something stolen from their base in episode 14/15. 

Moving on to his sense of humor, George’s humor is a mix between self-enhancing humor that: “Involves a generally humorous outlook on life, a tendency to be frequently amused by the incongruities of life, and to maintain a humorous perspective even in the face of adversity,” (Like George at the coronation in episode 1), and Aggressive Humor which “relates to the use of sarcasm, teasing, ridicule, derision, ‘put down’ or disparagement humor.” Both are used to enhance the self, and the second is used to enhance the self at the expense of others, specifically. 

In Scott Kaufman’s and Aaron Kozbelt’s study, “The Tears of a Clown: Understanding Comedy Writers” they look at these types of humors and found self-enhancing humor to be positively correlated with social support and optimism, suggesting an optimistic outlook on life is closely linked to using humor for coping, perspective taking, and emotional regulation. On the other hand, they found aggressive humor to be positively correlated with self-report measures of hostility and aggression. We have seen George employ both kinds of humor throughout the show. Especially aggressive humor. This shows that George, as a person, is someone who uses comedy to cope and emotionally regulate himself, aka: He builds himself up by taking others down. I stated at the beginning that George uses humor to hide vulnerability, and to give himself a sense of control. As George—though it might not be obvious at first glance—is someone who hates loss of control, as it puts him in a vulnerable position and reminds him of his past trauma, which I’ll get to in a minute. 

Above is a video of George putting on his Villain persona in response to Hiromi lashing out at him

Janus states that, “there appears to be an awareness on the part of the audience of the relationship between humor and anxiety. Consequently it would be reasonable to assume some awareness of the fact that comedians are very anxious and often depressed people. (...) Humor, then, can be seen to be especially applicable in situations in which the individual feels himself to be powerless.” 

Power, powerlessness, control, and lack of, are all important elements of George Karizaki’s character and the clown mask he uses to cope with his past and his present. In Janus' study on the relationship between humor and anxiety,  he found that the early lives of all the subjects were marked by suffering, isolation, and feelings of deprivation; and I quote:

“Humor offered a relief from their sufferings and a defense against inescapable panic and anxiety. The presence of these same needs and ears almost universally accounts for the success of these particular individuals as humorists. The fact that humor is a language of protest to mitigate their anxiety and permits them to function. (...) It is felt that comedians are able to convert their rage from physical to verbal assault and that for many their comic routines are a form of acting out. (...) They (comedians) are keenly sensitive people who have an uncanny perception of the needs and fears of their audience.” 

Losing his father at such a young age and with no information about a mother, other than the mention of her not being around/gone, I think it is safe to assume George grew up an orphan without parental role models in his life. But not having parents is not George’s only trauma. 

(And here’s where my take becomes hot ….lol) 

George was forcibly given his father’s inner-demon as a child. This is obviously a metaphor for the passing down of generational trauma. It is also a form of child abuse. If we examine the facts, which are: (1) the father inserted his demon into George’s body without his consent, (2) this hereby violates George’s sense of self/his bodily autonomy, (3) as stated above, it’s child abuse. You don’t use a kid as an experiment and violate his control over his own body and not have that qualify as child abuse. George had to have been about 4-5 years of age at the time. That’s messed up. Though he might not recognize it subconsciously, this is another reason George hates lacking control. 

He’s already had things taken from him (i.e his parents) and things done to him (inner demon) all outside of his control. Then he had to grow up in that environment of deprivation and abandonment, where all he had left was his father’s inner demon and a legacy to live up to. This is also why Geeorge has the tendency to mask as a villain when confronted/put into an uncomfortable situation. It’s self-protection. “People lash out so that they can reject before they get rejected or abandoned. It is a way for the person to feel more in control, which makes them feel safer.” (���Why do people lash out’ by Dr. Monocle Borschel) Some people with trauma lash out because they go into fight or flight mode when they feel threatened. 

To George—being vulnerable is putting himself out to be exploited. So he masks behind aggressive humor and villainy instead. 

Now, onto George Karizaki’s dilemma. 

One of the ways the George inner-demon reveal can be read (aka the way I read it) is as a metaphor for CSA. (Child Sexual Abuse.) How the scene is shown, the translation, and the fact that George’s bodily autonomy is being violated by his father, is why I came to this conclusion. This would also further explain George’s unusual sexual-coded interest in older men/father figures/authority figures. Victims can seek out the same type of abusers in order to have “control” over their own situation this time around, ergo “winning.” Though it never quite does work out that way. Either way, basically, if George is flirting/making the advances, then he has the control. 

All throughout the show George is usually the one to initiate physical contact with others, not the other way around. And when it is the other way around? George has never once reacted positively, instead forcibly removing the hand/touch from his body. 

Of course, this might’ve just been the actor being silly/doing something he finds amusing, for when he does things like flirting with the Igarashi father in episode 8 at the hot springs. But it still shouldn’t be ruled out imo. 

One of my first questions at George's inner-demon reveal was: “How does this differentiate from the intergenerational trauma passed down to Ikki from his own father?” Ikki’s situation (mostly with Vail) is often seen as a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. Ikki literally uses himself as a shield to protect his other siblings from his father’s inner demon. Vice, Ikki’s own inner-demon, is modeled after Vail, his father’s demon. Vail caused Vice to be created. I could wax poetic on this forever. But in examination and comparison to George’s situation, I found that the difference was in the actions the fathers took. Genta failed to protect his family from his inner-demon and hurt them, both physically and emotionally. But, George? George’s sense of bodily autonomy is being violated. His father, in fear of losing his son, decides to do something to his body that can never be undone; and he does it in his sleep. All without George knowing or realizing what’s going on. 

The entire situation reads to me as CSA. 

That’s the difference in the traumas being passed down; because unfortunately, it is a common fact for victims of CSA to become perpetrators of it when they’re older. Once again it’s about revisiting the trauma but from the winner’s side. Which is a disgusting thought process/reasoning, but that is the underlying motive. Now, was his father abused that way? As the audience, we can’t be sure. We know from separate Revice releases that the father, Masumi, worked as a scientist in a position lacking power—but that’s all we really know about his side of the story. The only thing that hints at it being like that is the knowledge of this being an intergenerational trauma being passed down from father to son. Literally, the same inner demon. Plus, the fact that it is being passed down from body to body. 

This is George’s essential dilemma—how he should view his father who was a good dad in most aspects up until the inner-demon insertion, and abandonment.

This is why George states that it would be easier to forgive his father if he were really dead.

The entire scenario does nothing but fill George with turmoil. How can he reconcile these two facts?  The good and loving memories versus the abandonment and bodily autonomy violation. The bad things should make his father irredeemable, unforgivable, evil. But he was still George’s father. One who gave him a majority of good memories when he was around. The situation here isn’t black or white but a complex gray area. 

Even Chic, George’s inner demon, shows aspects of this: George and his father’s love for science (good)—but twisted into something ugly, and, humor—George’s way of coping. A perfect mix of the trauma and how it both drives George/causes him to react a certain way (masking, etc.). That’s what Chic represents. A trauma inherited from his father.   

So, George Karizaki is a “tragic clown paradox” because of this gray situation he finds himself trapped within. It’s a lose-lose. The jester’s met his match. Humor finally wasn’t enough to mask his pain. So George did the next best thing: he became the villain. (Juuga) 

A few things to note now that we’re coming to the end of my essay: (1) this situation reminds me of two other things—Perks of Being a Wallflower (Charlie), and Eliot’s situation in Mr. Robot. In BOTH cases (spoiler) the MC has been a victim of CSA by someone close and very dear to their heart. In Perks it’s by Charlie’s favorite person—his aunt, and in Mr. Robot it’s by Eliot’s father. Both Charlie and Eliot repressed these memories and went on remembering their abusers as people they really loved and who really loved them. Yet, once they remember what happened to them…sh*t hits the fans. Here’s a clip from Perks of the scene where Charlie remembers/finds out what happened: 

WARNING: The videos below might be triggering, watch at your own caution.

Here’s a clip for when Eliot finds out: 

In both, finding out had (obviously) detrimental effects on them. But even before that, their trauma is shown subconsciously. For Eliot, his personality split in order to protect himself. For Charlie, his depression and suicidal ideation. The same can be said for when George finds out. George literally slowly loses his mind, with the catalyst of his father dying adding to previous stress, and instead tries to destroy his father’s legacy by attacking his friends. All so that he can feel more in-control. All so he can feel he has power over his father. So yeah, Charlie and Eliot’s stories reminded me a lot of George’s, which only strengthened my previous assumption of his inner-demon metaphor being about CSA trauma. 

Other things to note: (2) George uses touch to manipulate others, often initiating contact when trying to get someone to do something. Such as an arm over shoulder. For George, this can show that to him, touch equals power and control. Especially over others. (3) I think this is one of the reasons why George works out a lot. He worked out enough so that if someone touches him, he can physically remove the touch himself. No more letting others have control over his body without his consent. 

[cozyqueerchaos]

losing subscribers after i post something new like "sorry bud this one was a little bit TOO trashy"

[mishkakagehishka]

tbf while the overuse of english phrases can be annoying in croatian this isn't necessarily something new - one only need look into the medieval and new age plays to see lingua franca (italian, latin, german, turkish ) seeping into the commoner language is just a thing that happens when you have a foreign language that's as widely used as the native one. we can be morose abt it but ultimately it's a natural aspect of language evolution. we wouldn't have a lot of dialectal vocabulary if it weren't for this kind of mixing.

That is fair, but i feel like there's a difference in not having a choice but to adopt and adapt, and very much having a choice and just kinda rolling over (hence the cuck comparison).

Like, we didn't have a word for a džezva so we borrowed it from Turkish - we don't have a word for "cringe" so go ahead and say "krindž".

I feel the problem comes when you speak Croatian, but 75% of your production is just fully English sentences, which happens. I've unfortunately been subjected to it way too much by now. It's not a case of "A postaj to na story, a ja ću screenshottat i forwardat Marti" <- you can say post, story, screenshot, forward in Croatian, but it's not the end of the world if you say them in English. The problem is when you say, "Super ti je ispala fotka, you should post it" <- conversations where entire clauses are spoken in English between two people whose first language is shared, and not English.