#crack fics are the best

[izzystizzys]

TW: discussion of something approximating suicidal tendencies but with the usual crack programming of this blog

“Ah, High General Windu”, says Fox, pleasantly. “So we meet again.”

High General Windu raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him, Fox thinks, though it’s getting hard to tell with all the blood rushing to his head. “If I let you go, will you try to throw yourself out of another window?”

Fox makes a vague shrugging motion - or tries to, anyways. It’s hard to tell where any of his limbs are going, hanging upside down in the air as he is. “I am willing to discuss terms.” A bridge will do just fine.

Impossibly, the High General’s eyebrows climb even further up his forehead. “A compromise, then, esteemed Commander.” And so, he righths Fox the head way up in the air, but leaves him floating just above the ground, at which point several painted shells come skidding around the corner followed by billowing robes and screeches.

“WHAT”, says Kote, calmly, “THE BANTHA-KARKED, FORCE-LOVING KRIFF, FOX.”

“You’ll short out your helmet mic”, Fox advises him, sagely. Fondly, he thinks back to decimating his own on only his second time in the newly-christened official Coruscant Guard Scream Closet. He’d just received the comm about the Zillo Beast being transported to 000, and made sure to take his bucket off thereafter to improve the quality of his closet time.

High General Windu’s face does something complicated between sympathy and constipation.

Because the Galaxy doesn’t hate Fox enough already and Cody wasn’t enough on his own, Wolffe elbows his way through their batch to plant himself in front of him, shoulders squared and shaking with repressed rage. “If you try that again, dickhead”, he begins, in a low growl that quite frankly sounds more cringe that intimidating, “I’m going to resurrect you and then kill you again.”

“Ah, Wolffe”, Plo Koon says, in his deep, shivery timbre, “Remember our conversations about effective conflict resolution and communication of needs?”

Wolffe’s eyes narrow at Fox, because all non-Guard are sweet summer children who walk around buckets off on 000 like absolute lunatics. Fox prays they never have to find out why that’s a bad idea. “I feel”, his ori’vod presses out between clenched teeth, “that if you make me watch you throw yourself out of another window, I’m going to jump after you and strangle you on the way down, you little bitch.”

“That’s fair”, says Fox, and watches High General Kenobi bury his face in his hands. Wolffe twitches in place and makes an aborted groaning noise, the hypocrite.

“Excuse me, High Marshall Commander Fox, but I fail to see what’s so dire about this situation that the Jedi High Council and your brothers cannot help you solve”, says Windu, the only sane one left on this Force-forsaken bloated corpse of a planet. Behind the gaggle of Jedi and ori’vode already gathered in front of Fox, the rest of them come veering around the corner in a commotion that’s quite frankly embarrassing. High General Yoda is mounted on Skywalker’s back like he’s a race-Eopie, which is Fox’ only consolation.

He got up this morning at 0300, bleary-eyed and with a pounding headache as always, and all was right in the world. And then Fox got called into the Jedi High Council’s chambers and was ceremoniously informed that in the wake of Chancellor Palpatine’s unfortunate demise (hah), and through the emergency state of the Senate, as well as several invented promotions foisted on Fox to make the delegation of any and all paperwork less shady, he was now next in the chain of command and-

Well, Fox is the acting Chancellor, in short.

Haha, he had said, and been meet with several seconds of silence, until it got both awkward and exceedingly painful. Wait, he’d said. You’re kriffing serious.

Kriffing serious, we are, had said High General Yoda, and thus Fox launched himself out the first best window with a maniacal cackle of, you’ll have to catch me first!

And catch him, High General Windu sure did.

“The will of the Force this is”, Yoda interrupts Fox’ train of thought. He scans him thoughtfully from beneath his wizened brow, and hems to himself. “Shake things up, this will. Determine the fate of the Galaxy, this shall. A feeling, I have, that a good Chancellor you will make. A better one, hmmm.”

“That’d be high praise, if not for the fact that a dead lemming would make for a better Chancellor than the last one”, says Fox, drawing and indignant gasp from Skywalker. He doesn’t bother with either that or the green goblin’s cackle, lost in the deep sense of resignation that settles over his shoulders like a suffocating blanket.

“Alright, then, get me Thorn on the comm. As my first act in office, I’m firing all the Jedi. No offense, but you’re kind of a disaster. Then, someone get me to the Chancellor’s office, I’m calling Dooku to let him know the war’s off. And please get me Judicial, they’ll be up all night working on my datafolders - I’m having the Senate arrested.”

“Who - is - arresting - “, Bly pants, hands on his knees from where he’s just come sprinting around the corner with his Jedi.

Underneath his bucket, Fox smiles a smile that’s all teeth. “The Senate”, he says, sweetly, wondering if he’s just imagined the shiver that’s gone through the room. “I’m suing the Senate, and taking them all into temporary custody for abuse of sentient rights.”

[lady-ashfade]

Percy’s mom

Day 7 of celebration marathon: imagine

Percy Jackson x best friend reader.

-£ We all know sally is that mom. and I love to imagine people nagging him about how hot she is.

—£ short one today sorry!

you loved percy since you met him, the two of you just clicked into place. you had little family— or people that you considered true family. he was your best friend, the other half of your chaos but it was nothing more then platonic. he was one of the people you’d do anything for.

and well, percy felt that same way. he held you on such a high regard, being lost in a new world with only one friend was hard until you came along. you made him feel like a kid again with your childish behavior and sarcastic attitude. there was nothing he wouldn’t do for his best friend.

until now when he wanted to lock you out of the apartment.

“Stop doing that!” He flicked your head with a whisper, it being a little too loud because of his annoyance. you had been smirking ever since you first met his mom, making comments only he could pick up.

“Doing what?” you ask while looking at him innocently. he only glared at you and hit your shoulder with his fist.

“Looking at my mom that way! She’s like- so much older then you.” he hated the way you smirked at the end of his words.

“Look, Percy,” you threw your hand on his shoulder and leaned against him like you usually do with a mischievous look in your eyes. “Your mom’s hot! I can’t help it!”

he pushed you on the couch and took a small pillow and started to wack you with it. you laugh and try to sheld yourself, he wasn’t gentle.

“I’ll tell your mother.” You mangled to slip out threw your hands and in a second he stopped. he groaned and slumped on the couch next to you.

“Whatever,” you watch him take the remote in his hands and turn on the tv as cartoons pop up on the screen. in a matter of seconds you both were laughing at the cartoon as your legs lay across him, kicking him a few times.

yeah, you’ll be coming here every summer.

taglist: @itzmeme @ravenmedows @maria699669 @purplerose291

[bet-on-me-13]

Idea: Garp forced Luffy into a short Internship as a Marine Cadet. Luffy took that personally.

The basic idea is that when Luffy was 12, Garp took him from Dawn and forced him to take a 3 Year internship as a Cadet at an East Blue Marine Base. It was supposed to be a chance for Luffy to let go of his "stupid pirate dream" and finally become a Marine like he was always meant to be.

In reality, it only took a week before the Marines at the base were on their Hands and Knees begging Garp to take him back.

Garp refused, and Luffy was stuck at that Marine Base for the full 3 Years. When he got back at 15, just in time to see Ace off on his journey, he just said "That was annoying." And started talking about what he would do as a Pirate in 2 years.

When he finally becomes a real Pirate, his old Marine Base sees that he is due for a Bounty and convinces their higher ups that he needs a much higher Bounty since he spent 3 years as a Marine Cadet and knows all their protocols. They really wanted to get back at him.

When Luffy gets his Poster, he is instead ecstatic at getting a 50 Million Beri Bounty ad his first Bounty.

[walmart-miku]

ok people we gotta stop making mori the source of all evil with soukoku. Yes mori is evil about how he treated yosano and a lot of the pm members but that's a whole other can of worms.

Anyways with skk MORI WOULD NOT TRY TO GET IN THEIR WAY IN FACT HE WOULD ENCOURAGE THEIR ASSES TO GET TOGETHER THIS PANEL EXISTS FOR A REASON.

MORI SHIPS THEM SO BAD ITS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS.

Fics need to stop making this dude try to prevent skk from dating. I want a crack fic where mori is just like "Hey how was ur day do u like to kiss guys?" To both dazai and chuuya. I want mori shenanigans where he's actively trying so hard to set them up and Elise is sitting in a corner with kouyou and they're hard core judging him.

[lunalikestowriteanddraw]

You know, since joining the LOA fandom, I’ve been introduced to ships that initially make me think “what the fuck, why is that a ship? That makes no sense”, then I think about it (the characters and their dynamic) for longer than 2 seconds, and come to the realization that it actually does make sense, and now all of a sudden yall have converted me to said ship

[wileycap]

Special Instructions For Luke Skywalker

(approved by hon. Sen. Organa, Gen. Solo, entirety of Rogue Squadron, Adm. Ackbar, hon. Sen. Mothma, distributed to Cmdr. Skywalker)

1. No acrobatics, except in designated excercise areas.

1.1. Not even if you can "jump really high, the Force is so bright right now, look!"

2. Absolutely NO mind reading.

2.1. If you do it on accident, try not to get a weird look on your face and also tell us what you learned. Proverb: It's better to know than to wonder about it until one ends up doing something stupid.

2.2. Yes. I'm talking about that. I can't look General Madine in the eye anymore.

2.3. It's still allowed for intrasquadron prank purposes. But you can't do it to the others, they freak out.

3. No posing. Yes, you pose. It's annoying and wrong. The rest of us are dirty and want to slump down into our own filth and sleep. We don't need to see you being all heroic.

4. No claiming "the will of the Force" when you do something weird. Yes it's saved all our lives more than once. Yes it's still offputting and just plain disturbing.

4.1. "The universe is telling me that..." is not an acceptable substitute.

4.2. "I have received an omen" is also out.

4.3. "The vibes speak to me" is funny but no.

4.4. "Hey guys, guess what came to me in a dream" might be okay but it was in the middle of combat. And you said it over the general comms. And then you did an unannounced microjump into actual hyperspace in the middle of actual combat. Admiral Ackbar nearly had a medical event.

5. If somebody wants to hold your lightsaber you should let them.

5.1. You're officially allowed to disregard that. Never give Janson your lightsaber again. We have no idea how he snuck that in in the first place.

5.2. If Princess Leia requests to inspect your ceremonial weapon (commonly known as a 'lightsaber'), you should let her. For reasons for legitimate cultural intrest and archeological research. And because as your superior, she has the right to inspect your weapon as set down in the Alliance Charter, section General Conduct, heading B4467, subheading BA561-33. By permission of Princess Leia. I approve of this. Luke give it to me for a second you get to have it all the time.

6. If you need to "have a conversation with a ghost", do it in a private place.

6.1. If you agree to have your ghost conversations in private, we promise to stop referring to our "private time" as "having a conversation with a ghost."

6.2. In fact, we could just stop announcing it altogether. It was funny the first time and it hasn't been funny since. Guys, I don't want to know.

6.3. But please don't talk to thin air in front of us.

7. Luke, you are a hero of the Alliance. We are also friends. You don't need to bow when you see me, even if I am technically royalty and your superior.

7.1. It's very sweet that you do it and I appreciate that you want to show your respect, but the new recruits are getting confused.

7.2. NO, ADMIRAL ACKBAR DIDN'T WRITE THAT. It was obviously me, Leia!

7.3. If you're doing this on purpose and hiding it behind your innocent farmboyishness, I'LL KILL YOU. I'll kill you until you're dead.

7.4. STOP BOWING STOP

8. Don't work on the Falcon unsupervised.

8.1. Me being in the general area isn't supervision.

8.2. Me being near you but working on a different part isn't supervision.

8.3. Apparently me looking over your shoulder isn't supervision either. Just don't do it, kid.

9. Cub. You are very small in comparison to other humans. If you are having trouble hunting I can do it for you.

9.1. Apologies. Han reminded me that you are an adult by the standards of your species. I travel with him and I am often confused that he is an adult. You understand.

9.2. No asking Chewie if his relationship with me is "kind of like adopting a tooka" for him. For one, no, and for two, everybody else already made that joke.

9.3. He is very much like a badly behaved tooka.

[inamagicalhallucination]

high school no powers au where akutagawa, in all his grumpy emo glory, says he has a boyfriend when someone asks him why he turns down all the ppl that confess to him but said boyfriend goes to another school

obviously no one believes him

but atsushi, does in fact go to a different school - working to catch up to his grade level after not getting a proper education at his orphanage - he's been planning on transferring to akutagawa's school, especially since kunikida-san and dazai-san go there too and have been so helpful helping him study and the such

he wonders if his ryuu knows his friends :)

anyway

he transfers in eventually and now everyone has to deal w/ the fact that akutagawa wasnt lying boom

[thetarttfuldickhead]

Jamie announcing his and Roy’s relationship to the world by finding the right date on the “have roy kent and jamie tartt fucked yet” account that we all know must exist and just retweeting it with a “yes :)”.

[shinedoitsulikeabright]

Hear ye, hear ye!

I finally posted my post-Ruthlessness crackfic. It ain't much, but it's honest work.

Summary: After Odysseus escapes using the wind bag he received from Aeolus, Poseidon is left with the remains of the Ithacan fleet tangled in his hair. Unable to brush them out himself, he winds up going to his brothers for help.

[dead-living-420]

404 - Title Not Found (Pt 3) WIP

Part 2 - Tumblr

Ao3

Summary: Jason learns just a bit more about the guy who feels familiar while doing laundry.

Danny sees Laundry Guy at the gala and wants to avoid him because it’s not everyday people from Crime Alley go to Wayne galas but amazing Fenton luck strikes.

AN PLEASE READ FIRST: As always this is crack, this is a whole crack fic; and I play fast and loose with DC&DP cannon. Ignore any out of character writing(mainly Vald and Bruce). Also this is a WIP, this is strictly a work in progress and not the final product. I just wanted to post something while working on this fic and other stuff and this won the vote.

Final things before the actual fic:

Kinda/slow Vald redemption aka still an asshole but one you can deal with

Danny - Quarter Guy

Jason - Laundry Guy

———————

Jason immediately knew that the other wasn’t from Gotham. No one just offered anything without an immediate confirmation that they would get something in return. At least that’s how it was in Crime Alley. He and the other held small talk while they were doing their laundry.

“You just offer quarters to people?” He said sarcastically only to have an actual answer in return. “Only the cute people.” The other said with a somewhat joking tone and wink.

“Uh huh. What’s ya name? I didn’t catch it.” Jason wouldn’t directly admit but this guy had peaked his interest even more.

“Well, I didn’t throw it.” The guy answered with a smile that felt sarcastic with just a bit of wanting chaos.

The topic changed to other things. He learned that Quarter Guy had moved to Crime Alley awhile back, he didn’t give a clear reason why; “Just thought it’d be a good change of pace.”

He also learned that Quarter Guy was going to some kind of event with his godfather; saying that even though he agreed to go, he could still complain. And god did he complain but nothing sounded too bad. “He’s just a fruitloop, I wouldn’t doubt him trying to use me to get secrets from the other people.”

Jason didn’t share any too personal information; besides it just being out of sceret identity and such but it would also feel weird to. Jason did complain about how he was more or less forced into agreeing to go to the Wayne gala, only not sharing that it was a gala or that it was a Wayne event.

“Maybe we end up at the same event.” Quarter Guy, who still didn’t tell Jason his name, joked. His laundry had been done before his own. Quarter Guy left with a smile that only made him want to figure out why he felt familiarly even more. Jason was more curious about this guy than before but decided to hold off on figuring out more about it.

—

It was just meant as a joke. Danny really did mean as a joke but just his fucking luck(or honestly he was expecting CW to be the cause in some way), he was now looking at the guy he gave quarters to a day or two pior. He was standing next to the snack table, avoiding Vald so he didn’t have to worry about talking to other rich people he didn’t trust. The snacks didn’t look good in any sense of the word, why did he expect rich people to know what good snacks look and taste like.

He was thinking about texting Sam to complain, knowing that she would say I told you so but he noticed the guy from his apartment building was there. It took a second to recgionze him since he seemed more put together and dressed nicer, but it was him. Danny wouldn’t have questioned it too much if the guy wasn’t standing next to Bruce Wayne but he was. Danny didn’t need to know any more rich people in his life but life(or probably CW) had other plans.

He noticed that the guy hadn’t seemed to see him yet. Danny moved away from the snack table, going opposite from Wayne and the Laundry Guy; mainly focusing on staying hidden but a voice called him. “Daniel!” It wasn’t loud, at least it wasn’t to humans. It had just enough of a hint of ghost speak to have Danny turn to look. Of course when he had his back turned, Vald had to go and speak to Bruce Wayne. The amazing Fenton luck stuck again.“Come over, I’ve hardly seen you since we’ve arrived.”

Danny held back a sigh and eye roll as he went over to Vald and Wayne; which also meant Laundry Guy. He had felt Wayne’s eyes on him as he went over, Laundry Guy hadn’t seemed to notice or frankly care enough to look. He looked at Bruce. He knew of “Brucie” Wayne and had wondered if it was just a persona like when Vald used to pretend to be niceish to his dad. He side eyed Laundry Guy, who didn’t look at him at all.

“You didn’t tell me you had a so-“ Bruce started with a hint of curiosity. Danny was quick to cut him off. “He didn’t because I’m not.” That’s what finally got Laundry Guy’s attention, he looked at Danny for a second and Danny already knew that he recognized him. “Daniel, that was rude.” Vald looked at him before going back to Bruce. “I apologize for him but he is right. He’s my godson.” Vald said, leaving it to Danny to introduce himself.

“Yes, I do apologize for cutting you off like that.” Danny started. He used the tone he would use with some of the ghost nobles. It was a bit forced but relatively kind. He’d hate to admit and never would out loud but he learned it from Vald. “It’s alright, I understand how words hold meaning.” He noticed how it sounded more real(?) than “Brucie” usually did.

He just nodded before continuing, “Okay. I’ll introduce myself before Vald tries to.” Danny made his tone sound just a bit joking. He felt Laundry Guy’s full attention on him. He smiled, a little fake and a little smug. “I’m Danny Fenton and as Vald said, I am his godson.”

[nat-20s]

a fic featuring Fourteen and Donna being so so eepy (also on a03)

During one of The Doctor’s usual puttering about at 3 am in the Tardis, they immediately notice two things about a certain door. The first is that in the latest rearrangement of the floor plan, this door has gone from the hidden depths of what we’ll call it “the basement”, to a fairly central area of the top level. Second, and perhaps more alarmingly, this door that has been locked for millennia is now cracked ajar.

He doesn’t, however, feel any immediate panic. Instead, a little smile he can’t quite hold back appears on his face. Soft in their old age, really. Should at the very least check that what he thinks is behind the door is there, and not some sort of intruder. Technically, while the bio-metric locks that had been put in place were some of the finest in the universe, he had enough experience to know that no locks were truly unpickable.

As gingerly as possible, The Doctor opens the door enough to peek their head inside; it’s immediately revealed that he truly needn’t have worried about a break in. Donna Noble, currently prone on the bed, had been the one to open her room, just as he had guessed.

He should have worried about how now, apparently, Donna was an extremely light sleeper. He had been almost certain that he hadn’t made a noise, but not even a full second later, she rolls over to face the door and stirs awake. Blinking away some of the sleep, she sees him and gives him a half-sheepish, half-tired smile. Before he can say something along the lines of “don’t mind me, get some rest”, she pats the space next to her and gives him a “c’mere” nod of the head.

The Doctor goes willingly, and even manages to not hold their breath stepping through the former mausoleum of their best friend’s memory. He settles next to her, face to face in a classic “talking too late at night during a sleepover” pose. Because of who they are, he can’t help but let the first thing he says be, “I seem to remember someone lecturing me about sleeping in the Tardis when there’s a perfectly good bed in a perfectly good house, spaceman.”

Donna must be half-awake, because instead of arguing, she gives a one shoulder shrug and scrunches up her nose in amusement. “You caught me.”

“I thought everyone but Granddad was at the London house tonight?”

“Oh, they are. Work ran late and here was closer, so I sent off a text letting them know I was crashing here instead.”

“In the Tardis?”

“Well. No. That’s my little secret. Or, I suppose, our little secret now.”

The Doctor raises an eyebrow at her, asking for more info, to which she replies with a sigh. “You know, I wasn’t a super fussy baby-”

“-a bit shocking to hear, considering-”

“Oi! As I was saying, I wasn’t colicky or anything like that, but if Mum just could not get me to settle down, she would pop me in a car seat and drive around the neighborhood. Said I was out like a light within minutes.”

He has no idea where this story is going. He finds he doesn’t mind. It’s silly and sappy of him (what isn’t, these days?), but he finds it deeply charming when Donna goes on a little ramble. Especially when sleepiness is slowing her words and she keeps blinking for more and more seconds. They think they’ll get maybe 5 more minutes to chat before she’s fully gone again, and they’re going to savor it. She continues, “She stopped doing that when I old enough to toddle into their room and fall asleep between them. God, one morning they had gotten up early and I apparently screamed my little head off thinking they had left me forever.”

She says that last statement with a roll of her eyes, passing it off as one of those things kids do, but The Doctor’s heart lets out a pang. He wishes he could’ve told little Donna that it was okay, that her parents are there and they love her so so much. He wishes he could tell all Donnas that she won’t be left behind, not in the end. (They also wish they could tell themselves that they don’t get left behind, eventually.)

Personal timelines, however, are messy, and best left alone. Instead, he stays now, and he listens, and he takes Donna’s hand in his own. “Honestly, I don’t think my sleeping habits have changed that much. I still hate sleeping alone. I still hate sleeping motionless. Stick me on a boat with someone to cuddle up to and I’ll have the best rest of my life.”

She looks around the room briefly, then presses her forehead to the Doctor’s and continues, “You know, kind of like the nights I spent here. The Tardis, this room...it was only my home for a year. But it was also the most home I had been for a long, long time. And the house is lovely, so lovely, still can’t believe you bought us a house, but right now it’s too quiet and I missed it here. The various whirs and clicks and hums the Tardis makes? Better than any white noise machine on the market.”

The Doctor grins at her, feeling a bit smug and a lot soppy. “Now you know how I feel.”

She gives a half hearted poke at his chest, which is rather undercut by the yawn she lets out. “Still, ‘spect you to stay with us the majority of the nights.”

“Hey, I’m with you right now, aren’t I?”

She closes her eyes, giving a grin and a hushed, “Yeah, you are,” before slipping straight back to dream land. He technically could slip away now, but he’s already under the covers, are the steady breathing of his best friend is having a rather lulling effect. Remembering that he’s now allowed to rest, whenever he wants, he snuggles in closer, pulls the blankets tighter around them, and does just that.

[zeivira]

no rest for the wicked...

pls more

this shit is hilarious

like what are the others thoughts on this "illness" like garfiel, we've seen a bit of otto but i want more of him cuz he's best boi.

i imagine him going on full mama/big bro mood lmao

also that ficrec abt the crack fic by scissors? LMAO thx my parents knew im awake at 3am

point is

i like you now

so im gonna stalk- ahem- stick to you like a leach 🥺🌹

feed me more

The Cap’n's rule about everyone being strictly forbidden from watching him sleep—something about Garfiel being exactly like Rem but without pretty girl privilege—never actually stops the members of the camp from keeping an eye on him while the Cap’n's rests. 

The camp is nothing if not resourceful, and it’s not like they need to be inside the room when he’s sleeping to make sure he stays safe. Waiting a few feet away from the only entrance is just as effective. 

That's why when Garfiel smells a person approaching the Cap’n's room, during a time he knows he is asleep—they spent the last few days traveling to Pristella, like Hoshin traveled the desert to Banan after all—he rushes into the hallway and grabs the visitor's wrist right before it gets to knock at the Cap’n's door. 

"—the hell do ya think yer doin’?" Only after he finishes talking, under the dim hallway light of the mansion-like inn, he takes notice of the visitor's red, flame-like hair. A sharp horror, the one he had felt hours flooded through his entire body, as he realized whose wrist he grabbed. 

For a second, all is still. 

"Hello again, Sir Garfiel," the Sword Saint greets him, smiling as if they were pals and he hadn't evaded Garfiel’s senses and stopped his punch with a casual block a couple hours before. As if he weren’t the main obstacle between Garfiel and the title of Strongest. "I apologize if my presence alerted you, but all I wish to do is talk to Subaru." 

"W-well isn’ that convenient.  Anythin’ ya might need ta tell the Cap’n, ya can tell my amazin’ self instead." Big fat lie. There is a reason why the Cap’n is the Cap’n despite being borderline comatose and apparently not that much older than him. But Garfiel can’t trust anyone stronger than him, and as much as he hates himself for it…

The difference between him and Reinhard van Astrea is like a newborn Earth dragon and the Divine Dragon themself. 

His mere presence makes Garfiel's rawest instincts scream—tell him to either fight-or-flight. Garfiel doesn't want to be anywhere close to Reinhard, but much less he wants Reinhard anywhere close to the Cap’n when he sleeps. At least not until Garfiel proves himself a stronger shield than Reinhard. 

Even if the Cap’n is not defenseless—at least, not usually— he is useless while he isn't awake. And that means Galfield has to fight for both of them.

"I see," Reinhard's lips tilt downwards. "I do not mean disrespect, but what I would like to discuss would be related to something personal, unrelated to our respective camps..." 

Right. Garfield's eyebrow twitches. Right. The Cap’n said they were friends. 

"...the Cap’n's asleep," his voice sounds hoarse even to his ears. Maybe if he makes his tone drier than the Augura Sand Dunes, he can get Reinhard to give up and leave?

Reinhard's eyes widen. "Is that so. From what I gathered he mostly slept during the night." 

Garfield scowls. Of course the Sword Saint knew that much. "The Cap’n does, but he couldn' sleep during the trip, as we moved without pause, just like the Emperor of the Briar who never knew rest," Garfield crosses his arms. "So he is sleeping now and won't wake up in a while." 

"I see..." Reinhard says, and an uncomfortable silence falls between them. His gaze felt so heavy that if Garfiel moved carelessly, he wouldn’t know what his fate would b— "I wanted to ask about my father, actually—” Reinhard spoke up, breaking the silence. “I heard there were some issues close to Lady Priscilla's domain that involved Subaru and him." 

It takes Garfield a second to realize what he is talking about. His joy over learning the one and only Sword Saint's father was joining Emilia's camp to help Subaru stop the Argyle healer evaporated the moment his eyes actually lied on the man. After a couple days he just became Old Man, a skilled drunkard with a sob story, rather than a member of the family his mother used to read him stories about. 

"Issues,” Garfield snorts at Reinhard’s choice of word. “Tha's one way of sayin’ it." He makes a face. "Yeah, I was there too. The Old Man made us go lookin’ for a stupid chalice with the power to cure all sickness, but in the end it's only power w’s turning water into booze. Big ass let down." 

Reinhard’s shoulders sag. "So that’s what happened…” Reinhard’s eyes finally looked past Garfiel and looked at the still closed door, an unreadable thought reflected in them. “...I am glad father was with Subaru and you nonetheless. I can't imagine him taking another disappointment well..." 

How could any member of the group that went after the dumb cup not be disappointed? The chalice would have been able to cure not only the Old Man’s wife, but the Cap’n too. As the camp’s shield it’s his duty to protect everyone from everything—including hereditary diseases. When the Old Man mentioned the rumors, he was the first to tell Emilia they absolutely needed to go.

Still— the entire conversation leaves a bad taste in his mouth. The Cap’n was already carrying enough on his shoulder, with being the Hero that defeated the Archbishop of Sloth, the White Whale and the Great Rabbit— did he really need to trouble himself with family drama when the man ain’t even dead? “Why?” 

Reinhard blinks. “Well, it has been many years—” 

“—no, not that.” Garfiel’s scowl grows. “Why do ya need to imagine it? Yar dad’s alive, you could ask him.”

Reinhard just stares, before a bitter smile covers his lips. “Although true, my father doesn’t enjoy my company, so I wouldn’t like to impose myself when unnecessary.” 

But he is alive, is what he wants to say. “My mom’s dead,” is what he says instead. Because damn— he saw the Old Man, the even Older Man and him talk during dinner and how Ottobro almost lost his head trying to stop Old and Older from killing each other, right before Priscilla arrived saying this was the most amusing shitshow she had seen in weeks. The Old Man genuinely didn’t want to be with Reinhard and his dad.

But he is alive. All three of them are. They can talk. While Garfiel's mom is dead and gone and he can't tell her how much he loves her. "Just because your father is with us, and the Cap’n is strong enough to carry the weight of yar family drama, doesn't mean he should."

Reinhard's eyes widen again. "I—" 

"The Cap’n sleeps longer when he overworks himself," Garfield cuts, his words stronger than any punch he ever did. 

And Reinhard's mouth shuts with an audible click, expression shifting into one of horror— as it should. 

"He carries everyone's problems on his back— no matter how tired he is...!" He clenches his fists. "The Cap’n is so cool, cooler than the Sage and Reid! But precisely because he is like that is that we need to push ourselves harder. Be the people the Cap’n wants us to be, even if he is too shy to tell us. Because— because...!" 

“—will you two please SHUT UP?!" The Cap’n's door parts open with a bang, and the Cap’n appears in the doorway, rubbing his eyes while scowling. “Some of us are actually trying to sleep around here!”

Garfiel rushes back to his room only minutes later, but also doesn't miss Reinhard walking in direction to the Old Man's room rather than the hallway he originally came from.

beta read by @daemonerik

[stellar-haikyuu]

on the wings of love ☆ tanaka ryuunosuke & nishinoya yuu x reader

synopsis: reader is an absolute disaster of a lesbian. she’s been wondering how to tell her friends, but she quickly learns she has nothing to worry about despite a hilarious misunderstanding. details: coming out to your friends, comedy, ~1.3k words, f! reader. platonic friendship w/ tanaka and noya. original character for the reader's love interest. warnings: none! just a fun attempt to write gay panic and spread my haikyuuri agenda.

(from left to right: love interest, reader, love interest's twin brother)

“I swear, there’s something different about you,” Tanaka narrows his eyes, leaning into your personal space. You can count the crumbs clinging to his shirt from lunch.

You roll your eyes, planting a firm hand on his forehead to push him back.

“What are you talking about? We’re just eating lunch. Chill out.”

“Noya, tell me I’m not seeing things,” he pouts, swiveling dramatically toward his partner-in-crime.

Nishinoya tilts his head, staring at your face. His lips press into a thoughtful pout before he finally hums. “She seems happier—well, at least before you annoyed her.”

“Hey-” Tanaka protests.

“But maybe it’s because we started eating lunch together more.” He nudges your shoulder. “Right?”

You sigh, but your lips betray you with a small, reluctant smile. “Yeah, yeah.”

The boys light up at your response. But the peace doesn’t last long. Tanaka starts rambling about Karasuno’s third-year manager.

“Ooohh, did you see Kiyoko-san this morning? She was wearing a new…”

You start to tune him out automatically, nodding along out of habit. Well, you don’t blame your friends, really. Their manager was stunning, after all.

But unfortunately, someone else was taking up the space in your mind.

Futakami Rinka.

She stood with the easy grace of someone who knew how to command attention without asking for it.

Calm, cool, collected. 

Your crush barely floats through your mind before Tanaka’s face suddenly appears inches from your own, nearly making you drop your chopsticks.

“See. See. I told you,” Tanaka’s pointer finger in your line of sight snaps you out of your thoughts.

“What?” You snap, glaring at him.

“You’ve been smiling at nothing!” he accuses.

“Can’t a girl just be happy?”

“Of course! But who is making you happy?” Tanaka’s squint deepens.

Nishinoya gasps dramatically, smacking the table. “You have a crush, don’t you?”

And there it is. You groan inwardly. 

Here we go.

“Classmate?”

“Teammate?”

“Someone we know?”

“Stop it. It’s no one,” you insist.

“You’re lying!”

“Come on, at least tell us your type!”

“No!”

“We won’t stop until you tell us!”

“Yeah! Tell us, tell us!”

Their voices grow louder with each demand, drawing curious stares from nearby students. 

You slap your hands on the table, hissing through clenched teeth, “Shut up, you two! Fine. Gray hair.”

The room falls silent. For a moment.

“Suga-san?”

“What? No! Not your third-year setter!”

The boys exchange glances, wheels turning furiously in their heads.

“That’s too hard, come on!”

You exhale sharply. “Guys, there’s literally a few people in our grade who have-”

“Futakami-san?”

You freeze, involuntarily confirming their guess.

“I’m not surprised.”

What? Did they know this whole time?

“He is attractive...”

Oh. 

Oh no. Not-

“Uh,” you attempt to interject, but the floodgates have already opened.

“Oooh, so he’s your type?”

“Ah, she likes those really mysterious guys.”

“Remind me, is he on a sports team?”

“Guys-”

“I don’t know. Wait, he has good grades too, right?”

“Oh yeah, he seems a little nerdy too.”

“Ah. Like Tsukishima-kun. But not as annoying.”

“Pfft!”

“Tanaka, Noya-”

“That’s so weird. What class is Futakami-san in again?”

Just as you open your mouth to set the record straight, a familiar voice cuts through the chaos.

“Uh, excuse me?”

You turn around so fast that you nearly give yourself whiplash. 

Oh. Oh my gosh.

“Futakami-san!” You greet with a smile, attempting to mask your inner panic. 

However, her name comes out too sharp and loud. Your brain had failed to coordinate with your mouth.

The boys immediately look at the new visitor, though they’re visibly confused when they see someone else.

You sincerely hope she heard nothing from your conversation.

“Hi,” she says, her tone smooth and composed. “Do you have a minute to talk?”

“O-of course!” Your answer burst out before she’d even finished the question. 

Calm down!

“I ran into Sato-sensei earlier,” she begins, pushing a gray strand behind her ear. “She forgot that Irina-san will still be in Tokyo until next week. For a leadership camp thing. You were assigned in a trio for the project, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Great. Sensei asked me if it’s alright for us to be paired together for the project instead.”

It’s so hard to take your eyes off her lips that you nearly forget to respond to what she just said.

Wait.

“Oh- uh, the both of us?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s uh, cool?” Your pitch spikes embarrassingly high, forcing you to clear your throat. “I’m, very much- um, I’m looking forward to it.”

“Me too,” she says, a flicker of amusement in her eyes. “So, I was wondering if you’d like to come over to our house this Saturday to work on it.”

“Wh-me?” You barely manage to croak out, your throat suddenly dry.

“Yes.” She tilts her head slightly, her gaze unwavering. “Ah, unless you’re busy-”

“No! No. Not at all.” The words rush out. “But are you, uh, um…it won’t be a hassle for you?”

Her smile softens. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure my brother doesn’t bother us.”

The casual mention of her brother sends a jolt through you, and you are suddenly aware of the two sets of eyes burning into your back.

“Ha, well not that he would. He usually stays in his room when I have friends over. So, don’t worry about it!”

“Oh…okay. I- yeah.”

She hums for a moment, thinking about what to say next.

“Are you feeling alright?”

“Huh?” You blink, her question catching you off guard.

“You’ve been stumbling over your words a little more than usual,” she notes, her tone light but observant.

“Oh- uh…” Heat rushes to your cheeks as you scramble for a coherent response. “I have, haven’t I? Yeah.” You laugh to fill the silence. “Uh-”

Then, before you can process what’s happening, she leans forward and her hand brushes your forehead.

Your brain short-circuits.

“Ah! What-”

“Sorry,” she apologizes in a low tone.  “Didn’t mean to scare you. I thought maybe you weren’t feeling well.”

“Uh, I’m not sick, don’t worry!” You want to melt.

“That’s good.” She smiles, standing up straight. “Maybe the science test got to you. Tough one, wasn’t it?”

You seize the excuse like a lifeline. 

“Yeah. That’s it. I’ve lost my vocabulary. Wasted it all on those compound names.”

What the hell is wrong with me?

Futakami chuckles softly. “Okay. Well, I’m sure you’ll get it back once we work on our project. See you later!”

“See you, Futakami-san.”

“Ah, just call me Rinka.”

Your heart leaps into your throat.

“Sure. Sure, Rinka. Uh, you can call me by my first name, too.”

She tests it out, her voice wrapping around your name like a melody. 

With one last farewell, she leaves the classroom. You slump back in your chair.

“So…you’re going over to his house, huh?” Tanaka says with a sly grin.

“You idiots. You got the wrong Futakami!” You hiss.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s the female twin I like!” You bury your face in your hands.

Your table goes silent.

“Wait, really?”

“Is that why you went all weird?”

“Yes,” you say in a much softer voice. Their voices lack the teasing tone from earlier.

They wouldn’t be weirded out, right?

You all stare at each other for a few more seconds before Tanaka barks out a laugh.

“Well, why didn’t you say so?” 

You glare at him. “I was trying to.” 

“Really?” Nishinoya blinks at you.

“You guys just kept on talking!”

“Oh gosh,” Tanaka was wiping tears from his eyes. “You’re actually a mess.”

“That’s bold coming from you,” you retort. “Pass your literature exam first.”

“Harsh,” Nishinoya clicks his tongue.

“Uhuh, that goes for you too.”

“Damn exam,” Tanaka mutters. “Forget that, we need to make sure you get the love of your life!” 

“Yeah, yeah, we’re gonna be your wingmen.”

“My wingmen? I don’t know if I should be terrified.”

“Pssh, don’t be!” Nishinoya waves a hand.

“Let’s start planning after practice. Ask the team for opinions.”

“What-”

“Yeah, let’s do it! Ask Saeko nee-san too!”

You sigh, knowing the damage was done. But you wouldn’t trade your best friends for anything in the world.

masterlist

karasuno fic event: stellar's stationery (ongoing)

[mistylacrimosa]

I know jack shit about baseball but this the best filler episode on all tv and i can prove it:

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

Need I say more? I don't think so

[tojiscrack]

the dancing scene in the most recent chapter of liar, liar, MEGUMI BLUSHING FOR THE SECOND TIME AS HIS HANDS COLLIDE WITH HER WAIST, i’m crying so much rn. i have NO ONE to speak to about this fic, maybe it’s my period but i can’t get enough of them.

i don’t want them to go through angst, i just want it all to be fluff fluff fluff y’alllll. someone needs to make a fanclub or SOMETHING because it’s killing me how i have no one to speak to about this 😭😭😭

‘liar, liar’ masterlist here:

ik this message was sent in as early as yesterday, but i’ve been out all day and i’ve finally got the time to respond to it. apologies if i’ve left you waiting ☹️💓

i wanna start off by saying you’re literally the sweetest person to ever grace this planet. as i write this slice of life rom-com, i was hoping for the rom part of this com would take over in that scene, and if it’s got you squealing and giggling, ik my mission’s been accomplished 😇

“i have NO ONE to speak to about this fic” — YOU HAVE ME!!! 😤

message me, send me your theories, comment, like, reblog your thoughts, SPAM ME IF YOU MUST, i encourage all of it 😩 !!! i want to see long and juicy comments. small ones are amazing too, but ofc, the more, the merrier! it’s the best part about writing — and it helps me piece out what you like and don’t like so i can make this ride as enjoyable as ever 😗

you beautiful anon, this is the fan club. it’s a small little family of liars we have rn, but still a family nonetheless. don’t forget that 🥹 it does seem like a wonderful idea to talk about ur theories with each other so i can just spectate and laugh to myself about it all, but if you’re shy, you always have me, the writer, who will always respond to ur silly comments and goofy thoughts 🩷🩷🩷

[banananutmuffin28]

…I have the intense urge to write a short x reader AU where Anya somehow gets into a Cryonic and gets ejected from the dying space ship but along the way her cryonic gets hit by a lone asteroid that sends her flying back to Earth and she lands in some random stranger’s backyard💀