#cr dicks

[ariadne-mouse]

I know Ludinus is very busy but I do think he should get stuck in a room with both Fearne Calloway and Jester Lavorre at the same time while trying to get literally anything done

[soath]

shut up about killing the gods, shut up about killing the gods, the only character who deserves a handwritten apology from every civic leader in exandria and a basket of fruit is Miss Evoroa Bormodo. imagine having to listen to the rulers of your blue promise discuss slaughtering your entire world for the crime of existing in proximity to what is dangerous to them! angel you shouldn’t have had to grovel like that and make the case for your own civilization’s right to survive. the mvp of first contact, no one is doing it like her and no one should have to.

[cheericrochet]

Thank you Taliesin for making characters who are so gender

[luminousstardust]

alright who had “sam riegel posts chetney pock o’pea nsfw on his professional public twitter account” on their 2024 bingo card

[revvethasmythh]

bells hells over-dicking it until gloamglut reappears. classic. incredible. very them

[stardustedknuckles]

Okay but I need to know what the people who have only watched c3 think about Beau and Caleb because I've been rotating them in my head for three years too long to be objective anymore but like. Getting to see them through the eyes of a new party just reminded me that even though so much of our delight in C2 was focused around the constant indignity of the Nein, they are objectively a flickering metronome between "how the fuck are these people alive" and "this is the most hyper competent group of mercenaries I've ever seen" and I just. Do they know. Do they know that Beau is so fucking cool. Are there people who learned these two npcs have a whole campaign and want to learn more about them. I look at these two and see a montage of tiefling dicks and red eyes and promising to kill the other if something goes wrong. I see Caleb smearing mud and bat shit on Beau's face and Beau just resigned even as she makes the most aggrieved and annoyed sounds, Beau hauling Caleb's dissociated ass over her own skinny shoulder and walking him to safety. I look at them and see 500 hours and more of the empire siblings. The weeks and months they spent going from hating the parts of themselves they saw in each other to loving in the other what they still struggled with in themselves. I see chosen siblings, best friends. What do other people see?

[sapphiregem01]

I feel like we as critters don’t acknowledge the absolute gems of pictures that are on Taliesin’s IMDB page nearly enough cuz like. Bro.

[acebender]

New art!

[blackmosscupcakes]

Writing a little cheat sheet on Exandrian gods for my husband ahead of watching Downfall with him and my entry for Torog includes "in our home game he's the one you accidentally called 'the creeping dick'".

[shellem15]

Thinking about the Dawnfather. A god of light, a god of harvest, a god of the sun itself. Good but not nice, kind but not soft. Life-giving but also scorching. Protective, warm, and kind, but also stern, harsh, and abrasive. His light can foster growth, can protect and guide, but it can also scorch and burn. The sun is warm and nurturing but don’t stare at it too long, child, it’ll blind you.

Was he always so hard? Did he always hide his face with the harsh light of the sun? Or was there a time when he smiled and laughed, let others see him as he truly was?

Thinking about the Schism. Was the Dawnfather close to the Betrayer Gods before they turned? He must have been, Asmodeus wouldn’t be so hung up on him if he wasn’t. Speaking of Asmodeus, he was once a being of light, like the Dawnfather and the Everlight are now. Were they closer than the others? When the Gods came to Exandria, did they come from the same place or were they scattered, a ragtag group of survivors fleeing from predators seeking to devour them? And if the latter is true, did these three beings of light come from the same place? Siblings, born from the same stuff, forever tied to one another?

If this was the case, then, what was their relationship before the Schism? Did they call each other “Brother” and “Sister”? Did they hold each other when they were scared, dry each other’s tears, laugh and joke and tease and fight and make up because they were siblings and they’d always be together, and they loved each other with every fiber of their being and they only had each other. When Predathos came, when it devoured two of their newfound siblings, did the Dawnfather hold them both and promise them that everything was going to be okay because he was their brother and he was going to protect them, all of them. The gods, mortals, the world itself, they would not be devoured, they would not be destroyed, because he was there and would fight until his very last breath to keep them safe.

Wondering then, was that the moment when Asmodeus truly grew to hate their creations? Seeing his brother and sister and siblings risk their lives just to protect some mewling mortal wretches when they could just leave it all behind and start somewhere new. Was that the moment when he realized that mortals had done something to them, changed them when they were not supposed to change. Why else would they risk being devoured by Predathos, why else would they suffer through war with the Primordials? Why else would they choose them over him!? Was this the moment when he decided to conspire with the Primordials and the other Betrayer Gods? To destroy this world and the mortals on it so they could finally leave. And they would leave, of course, because the Dawnfather was his brother and the Everlight was his sister and the Gods were a family, and at the end of the day, they would always be together, and once the corrupting influence of those mortals was gone, they would surely all see reason.

And when the Dawnfather discovered this betrayal, when all the Prime Deities did, he must have been furious. How could they!? His kin, his brother, who had always been by his side through everything, how could they turn around and destroy their creations, their children. And so he and the other Primes took up arms and fought against their own family to protect this world they had created, and their children who inhabited it. Those battles must have been brutal, bonds of comradery broken, kin clashing against kin, screaming curses as they tore each other apart.

During those final battles of the Schism, when the Dawnfather clashed against Asmodeus, did they scream at each other in rage? A twisted reflection of previous squabbles, different because this time it was real, this time there is no forgiveness, no making up. When the Dawnfather knocked Asmodeus down, crushed his throat under his foot and banished him to the Hells, was he yelling when he disowned him? Or was he quiet when he did it, his voice going into a low growl, deadly calm as he told him that he was not his brother anymore. And moments previously, when the Dawnfather could have easily killed him, did he look into Asmodeus’s eyes and see his brother? Scared and hurt by his hands, hands that once held him and swore to protect him. In that moment, did the Dawnfather realize he couldn’t kill him? Because that was his brother and despite everything, he still loved him, and hurting him brought him more grief and pain than he could ever imagine. So instead, he banished him, locked him and all the other Betrayers away because he and the other Primes couldn’t bring themselves to kill their family, but they also couldn’t let them free.

Was this when the Dawnfather obscured his face? Hardened his heart because otherwise he would break, and he cannot break, because the other gods need him to be strong, because Exandria needs him to be strong. And so he stayed strong, despite the grief, despite the guilt, despite the pain of heartbreak, of hurting the ones he loved to protect the ones he loved. And this hardening must have continued, running himself ragged during Calamity, beating back Tharizdun, protecting Ioun after she almost died, sheltering the Everlight after Asmodeus once again betrayed her, stabbed her in the back and left her broken and weak when all she wanted was to do was get her brother back, to save him from his own wrath. Failure after failure after failure to protect those he cared about, to protect his siblings and mortals and Exandria itself. The guilt of his failures must be overwhelming, and these are his failures: Predathos devoured his siblings under his watch, his siblings betrayed them under his watch, Calamity ravaged Exandria under his watch, and even now, the threat of Predathos has once again returned under his watch.

No wonder he is so harsh now, so controlling now: because every time he has failed in his vigilance the world has suffered for it. He can’t fail again; he can’t lose any more siblings. And so, he continues hardening his heart, continues fighting, because the sun must always rise again in the morning, no matter what.

[3hobbitsinatrenchcoat]

The World Shrinks to the Circle of Your Arms

Happy Dorym Week 2024! Today's drabble is inspired by the prompt "I miss you. (I love you.)" and the song May I by Trading Yesterday

I'll post all my drabbles to AO3 later, but for now enjoy them here on tumblr.

(Beware spoilers for Episode 95)

-----

“She’ll be alright.”

Dorian kneels down in front of Orym, who in the aftermath of Laudna’s dramatic window exit has stumbled over to the wall opposite and slid down to sit on the floor. He barely glances at Dorian, instead his eyes are locked on the inky black square of night beyond the window.

“I don’t think any of us have been alright for a long time, Dorian.” he says, voice cracking with exhaustion. His eyes don’t leave the window. “I just wish I could understand why she’s so determined about this.”

Sighing, Dorian reaches out and brushes his fingers against the side of Orym’s face. His heart flutters at the way his friend leans into the contact, but he tamps the feeling down. It’s just comfort, friendly comfort. After the night he’s had, Orym just needs a friend.

He swallows hard and says, “Probably for the same reasons you’re determined. You’re both grieving, you just have different ways of showing it.” 

Orym finally tears his eyes away from the window, ducking his head with a small wry smile playing at his lips. “Gods. I’ve missed you. You always know what to say.”

“I wish that were true,” Dorian moves to Orym’s side and slides down the wall next to him, pulling the blanket from his bedroll over their laps against the night-time chill. He lets his head thump back against the wood paneling. If he knew what to say Cyrus would probably still be alive. Opal would still have all the feelings and memories that had been torn away by the spider queen. At least Dariax was fine. There, that was one person he’d used the right words for, one person he’d managed to save from the landslide that had become his life… 

Dorian is pulled away from his spiraling thoughts by Orym (probably unconsciously, Dorian thinks) leaning into his side, forcing him to pull his arm out of the way before it gets pinned in an uncomfortable position. He holds it in the air for a moment, unsure, then gives into temptation and wraps it around Orym’s shoulders.

Orym hums softly and leans harder into him. “I mean it. I missed you. I… I thought about you every day.”

“Even on the moon?” Dorian asks with a quiet chuckle.

“Even then,” says Orym, pausing as he yawns so widely Dorian thinks he can hear his jaw creak. Orym presses a palm against his eyes and Dorian can see a faint tremor to his normally steady hands. When he speaks again his voice is quieter, tone approaching dreamlike. “Did you know they call Exandria the ‘blue promise’? They look up at us and have hope for the future. I…”

He cuts off abruptly, turning his face away, though Dorian can still see the flush staining his cheekbones.

They sit quietly for a long moment, then Dorian swallows hard and gathers his courage. “I missed you every day too, Orym. There… there wasn’t a single day I didn’t wish you were by my side.” 

He feels Orym slump against his side, his breath finally evening out into exhausted slumber. With an amused huff the genasi tucks their shared blanket more firmly around them both and rests his cheek against the top of Orym’s head.  

“Hope for the future,” he whispers, breath ruffling Orym’s hair. “There’s worse things to wish for.”

Try as he might, though, sleep is not so quick to claim Dorian. He holds Orym tucked close into his side and thinks of friends lost to objects of immense and powerful darkness. The last thing he remembers before his eyes finally, blissfully, slide shut is the pale streaks of dawn peaking through the window and the creak of floorboards as his wayward companions return. 

[utilitycaster]

The thing is, and I haven't gotten a chance to read through the beta yet but I have seen Some Takes, I am obviously EXTREMELY in favor of the idea that criticism is valuable as part of the creative process and nonstop positivity is fundamentally toxic. With that said, that statement rings rather hollow from most Actual Play journalists since they'll claim this for everything Critical Role does while simultaneously having their heads so far up the ass of D20 they can count how many almonds Brennan ate today.

[dnd-shows-have-my-soul]

Yesterday, I was talking with a couple of friends about the newest Dimension 20 episode and it was brought up how killer a party the bad kids are. Their levels of optimization and total mastery of the battlefield is a sight to behold. From there, it was mentioned how Bells Hells and the Bad Kids are at the same level (level 13). And naturally, we began to compare the two parties, and it became quickly apparent that one party felt leagues ahead of the other. And that got me thinking, what do the Bad Kids have that Bells Hells don't?

And this is nothing about the players themselves. All 13 players from both CR and D20 are masters of what they do. Their level of strategy and creativity is unparalleled. And you can't say that one group of people is specifically better than the other. So then where are these problems coming from? And then I realized the problems didn’t have anything to do with the players. Not with characters or even their choices

It’s their party composition that’s the real issue.

While on the surface, BHs looks like a very diverse party, everyone in it is very locked into specific roles. We have three melee fighters (who can really only act as melee fighters), two spell casters who mostly have damaging spells (mixed in with some support stuff) and a cleric (that is really locked into their role of healing and support). Fearne is really the only character with any real versatility but because of the current party setup, she kind of has to play support or healing, otherwise the party becomes very unbalanced.

Because so many characters are unable to deviate from their “roles,” everything becomes much harder.

Look at the bad kids in comparison, Adaine can quickly switch from pure damage dealing to support moves very quickly, Fig can switch between melee to spells to straight up healing, and Fabian, who is mostly melee, is still able to take on a support role because of his levels in bard. And while they do have some more rigid roles (Kristen, Gorgug, Riz), these characters still have options via spells.

The best DND parties are the ones where the individual roles are fluid and ever changing. And because BHs setup, that becomes a difficult feat to pull off.

And then I was thinking about why.

Why they would design the party this way if it was so clearly unsteady.

But the thing is, it wasn’t supposed to be.

Because there is one word that explains exactly why the party is what is. One word that simultaneously explains and fixes everything.

One word.

Dorian.

Having a bard in the party would go miles into helping BHs and make a lot of those issues outright disappear. Dorian ,as a Swords bard, can engage in direct melee, but can also provide additional support and be another source of healing within the party. Spells like Hypnotic Pattern, Warding Wind, and Shatter are all incredibly useful within combat, and having caster that can take a hit is always a good thing.

And again, do I think that Bells Hells doing something wrong by having the party they have? Absolutely not. Despite my earlier statements, I'm genuinely impressed by their accomplishments, strategy and overall creativity. I love them all. But having a Bard in the party wouldn't hurt.

TLDR; Dorian we need you.

[good-gone-things]

Dick " Bugsy " Mann, Honda CR 750, Daytona 1971

[revvethasmythh]

Critical Role Sick Day: Judging the cut and uncut dicks in Baldur's Gate 3!

[chiixcat]

Did Lan Wangji go to the Cold Springs to make sure Wei Wuxian wouldn't see his massive boner