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What's stronger than death?

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I am Ashton Greymoore of Bassuras, and I am nobody’s child.

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Thank you Critical Role once again for a fantastic campaign, I'm gonna miss Bells Hells so much. Thank you for bringing us along for the ride, and can't wait to see what else is in our future from you all 💛

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guys i’m. i’m so. ashton going from falling and being left for dead by the people who should have cared about them to falling again and waking up surrounded by the countless people who risked everything to save them, with orym holding them and saying over and over that they’re alive. GUYS I’M SO

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Three years and a half years ago, I found a little show called Dimension 20 on my recommendations page. I watched it and fell in love with actual play. When telling it to a friend, they told me that if I liked that then I should really try watching Critical Role.

And on November 17th, 2021, I did just that. I start with Vox Machina and I loved it. I can’t describe the amount of joy I experienced from watching this show. The instant connection I had to it. Two months later, I finished the campaign and immediately went onto the Mighty Nein and again I loved it. There are no other words to describe it. And by mid-April, I finish that too, and finally started watching C3 and eventually caught up.

On May 19th, six months later, I watched episode 24 live and have been ever since. These past three years, I can’t describe them enough. The amount of joy I felt, the amount of comfort I found. The community I was able to foster, friends I was able to make. People I’ve been able to form lasting relationships with because of the show. And on top of all of that, I can’t tell you what having something to look forward to each week has done for me. I have depression and I’ve been struggling with it for many years, and Critical Role has been such a rock for me, a bright light at the end of a very long tunnel. It saved my life. Genuinely saved me. Words fail to describe my gratitude. My love.

So from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you Bells Hells. Thank you Vox Machina and the Mighty Nein. Thank you to the friends over at ITFC and beyond. Thank you Travis and Marisha and Taliesin and Ashely and Sam and Liam and Laura and Robbie and Matt and everything else part of the cr family. Every guest, artist, producer and assistant.

Thank you Critical Role <33

(See you all on the other side!)

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New (old) beginning

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Our journey with the Bells Hells is ending tomorrow! Now feels like a good time to do this.

39 looks across 25 different characters, and that’s not even all of them!

From the moment I started working with Critical Role, I’ve been keenly aware of the privilege of my position. Not many artists get to experience the joy of seeing their designs cosplayed, drawn, loved, or even hated at the level I have. Every pitch, every sketch, every hour banging my head against every long render- it’s all been such a gift.

I’ll be eternally grateful for the years that the Lucky One was Me.

So sail on, Bells Hells. I’ll see you all the next time I’m in Exandria.

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Campaign 3 is so good when you dont have an annoying bitch in your ear telling you how evil every character is

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shadowgast + dorym | moments of care in the final battle

Long May He Reign // The Red End

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"You should never run into the storm alone"

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A quick warm up turned to... This..

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"I thought I could do it. And the world will remember me as its greatest villain. [...] I'm a fool. And I brought ruin to the world. Hope that you are forgotten." —Vespin Chloras

ohh bells hells. what have you done.....

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As always, spoilers for Critical Role Campaign 3 Episode 118 below. I'll share some constructive thoughts free of negativity and rage-typing.

There's been one consistent element in all of CR, and that is theme. Each final fight in each campaign has been filtered through the theme of the narrative that specific story was trying to tell.

Vox Machina had to accept that they could not save everybody and that loss is part of life and that cannot change, despite how badly some people might try to cope with it, like Delilah did.

Mighty Nein had to save a friend they had lost, the family they had built together, they had to show to each other and themselves that their villainy was not all that they had started out as.

Bells Hells had to clench their teeth and keep fighting the inner demon inside each of us, the inner oblivion, the inner darkness that threatens to come out and hurt you and the ones you love through your own insecurities. The past that hurts and must be confronted in order to move on, unless we run the risk of repeating it.

The "story" has never been Vecna, or Cognouza, or Predathos. The plot has never been Delilah, or Lucien, or Ludinus. The true story has always been about who these people are, what makes them tick, what makes them "better" than the challenges and challengers they face. Why they are the protagonists and their foils are the ones they decide to oppose.

Why do Delilah and Vecna lose? Because death is part of life and that cannot be changed, only accepted, that should stay that way despite the pain it brings. Vox Machina accept that.

Why do Cognouza and Lucien lose? Because being self-absorbed and thinking we are unredeemable breaks us and the world around us, leaving us alone and the world worse than we found it. Mighty Nein achieve this epiphany.

Why should Bells Hells run away from the threat of this inner demon inside their reality, their world? Why should Bells Hells just go back to Exandria without having faced the thing in the mirror? There are uncomfortable truths that can never be put back in the box ever again. Sure, you can protect the cage and stop people from getting to Predathos. But a moon built by the gods could not stop one simple man pushed by the sheer power of his grief and anger. However long it may take, it WILL happen again, because it already has.

Because the past will always be there waiting for us all, for them. It applies to Ludinus, to Exandria and to the gods themselves, the reality of having to face the darkest part of yourself, the horror of you that you refuse to look at until it comes back to stab you in the back. For the gods this has been the creation of Ruidus, the destruction of Aeor and the Calamity. And it has been the thing each of the Hells has been running from at some point in time: themselves.

Orym's self-perceived betrayal in starting to love again and having to hurt his friends through a blind crusade that was never black and white to begin with.

Ashton's self-destructive tendencies and the blind idolatry that destroyed the Hishari, their anger towards loss and misfortune.

Fearne's fear of what she might become given the wrong choices she makes, that her chaos might become what unravels her.

Chetney's literal inner monster that cannot be controlled and reasoned with. The truth of him being the wolf in toymaker's clothing.

FCG's inner fight of whether they're a healer or a killer, whether they're alive or not. The creation that needs something good to give them purpose.

Dorian's tendency of running away from duties and the center of the spotlight, whether he's worthy of it or not.

Laudna's struggle to embrace her agency both with her good and bad choices. Her struggle to see her self-worth and award it with her own happiness.

Imogen's pull to Predathos, the desire to belong to something at all, the craving for inner peace and silence. The craving for motherhood and being wanted.

One would say now "But they all fail in that, they are not heroic at all, they are all selfish in their pursuits". Yes, they do fail to resist to their own demons, just like Ludinus fails to overcome his own. But this is where Bells Hells set themselves apart from Ludinus, by the way they decide to stand up after the pain, by the way they decide to react to life after what life has done to them. In a constructive way, rather than destructive one, choosing community and forgiveness over solitude and resentment. Choosing not to wield truth as a weapon but to use it as a lens through which the world can be better understood.

Life is never all wins. We keep falling many times, and this story shows that. Some times some people do not come back from that brink, and this story shows that. Some people may try to show the will to at least begin to climb back up, and this story shows that.

Bells Hells punch each other in the face, they keep arguing about what to do in front of an impossible decision where all the options suck, they agree, disagree, over and over and over again. They bleed each other when sometimes it's the only way to knock some sense into their heads. They succumb to their own faults and choices and misguided ambitions, they are not different in that from any well written protagonist. Or each of us, really. Some of us get pissed at them because of how much we unconsciously see ourselves in them, how much their indecision resonates with our perceived inability to do good in our real world because each choice is somehow tainted or made inconsequential by external factors. We need them to make the right choices, because in a fictional world, at least, we hope that it is possible. But an opinion that cannot be countered is born from a point of view completely removed from reality and thus fruitless and devoid of any chance for growth and personal enrichment. Choices sometimes feel ugly because no matter what we do, we will leave a piece of ourselves behind. This is not a tragic world but a real one. Our world.

Bells Hells feel underwhelming because they don't satisfy a power fantasy. They are instead real people, self-crippled and yet still standing, because the alternative is to surrender to the unlucky hand that life dealt to each of them.

So the narrative makes them show up as the best answer to pain and anguish, they keep standing up not because of resentment, but in spite of it. They don't retaliate, they try to do better next time. THIS sets them apart from what they face: the past, the pain, the self.

Imogen had to fall to the draw, and even as motivated as she was by the possibility of either vanquishing Predathos while he is inside her as a vessel or getting him out of the cage in order to stop the cycle of calamity, there was no avoiding that inner demon for long. Nobody ever resists forever, we as mortal certainly do not have that capacity. But we are defined by how we react to the damage we take and by the people we surround ourselves with that will pull us out from the brink.

Imogen's arc was to prepare her and her friends to this very scenario, ever since the first time FCG snapped. It was what fate itself kept testing them for, it was the Matron's test for them too.

This campaign is the embodiment of mental illness and tough love, of good natured people with many good intentions that get it wrong many times but still stand up again to give it a second try.

This campaign is the embodiment of the complexities of even the most normal of lives, the little pains, the big pains, the frustrations with systems that do not work and that somehow we still have to interact with every day, no matter how much they hurt us, because there is no perceived alternative.

This campaign is the embodiment of the questions we ask ourselves each day. "Why am I here, why am I doing this? Am I doing this right? If I do or don't do this, does that mean I'm a bad person? What happens after to me, to the people I care about? Am I worthy of the space I occupy in the universe? Why should I even feel the obligation to earn such a right?"

The "goal" for Bells Hells was never to keep the status quo, but rather to answer to the question "Once you're faced with that possibility, with the inner monster wreaking havoc inside your world, what are you going to do about it? Will the decision be met with a destructive sentiment or with an open mind and the will to not let the inner monster of the world take over?"

Their story asks them if they are the ones brave enough to face the past with peace in their hearts and souls strong enough to bear whatever burden they are destined to carry. We don't know what that looks like just yet, but like real people, they just happened to be chosen by circumstance and as such they were always going to be able to decide once and for all only when faced with the whole truth.

That said...

THURSDAY CANNOT COME FAST ENOUGH!

I'll stop writing these walls of words someday, I promise (I can certainly try)

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I will say, this episode has managed to sway me on one thing I thought impossible: I am 110% Team Asmodeus Has a Fucking Point About This. This didn't happen during Calamity. This didn't happen during Downfall.

But Bells Hells' actions are just, so risky for such tepid reasons that I'm like, yeah, betraying them to try and stop them from releasing the God-Eater seems like a pretty reasonable thing to do that will result in harm mitigation (even if the only harm Asmodeus in particular is interested in mitigating is that to his own self). Truly just the energy of: Devastating, the worst person you know just made a great point.

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if Marisha as Keyleth finally gets Vax back only for her as Laudna to lose Imogen,,,,,

im gonna be sick

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Ludinus dying to the very same spell that he used against Keyleth to nearly kill her. Poetry.

Get fucked fucker

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The best of the Tower of Inquiry from 4-Sided Dive (all episodes)