#cpuk captain valentine
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
taffyglitch-art · 2 years ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Assorted cpuk things I've collected from the past couple months. (i think the cosmic love is actually from a longer time ago, i just forgot about it, whoops!)
170 notes · View notes
missmako-chan · 2 years ago
Text
ALRIGHT JOHANNSEN PROPAGANDA TIME FOR @ultimate-rat-bracket (Early CPUK spoilers inbound (but like it's fairly well known))
Johannsen is the pet rat of a character in CPUK, a level 9 CPU Super Smash Bros Ultimate tournament series. During a doubles tournament a character named Dantoinette won alongside another character, Captain Valentine, and they would normally have to fight each other to determine who becomes champion. Instead, Dani decides to leave the tourney and Val instead has to fight her pet rat, Johannsen, who is quite literally just a rat from New York with a taser.
Then this happens:
The Rat Won.
47 notes · View notes
brendleellipsis · 1 year ago
Text
Brendle Battle Royale: A Rumination on Creative Endeavors and Community
Thinking about Brendle Battle Royale.
For those of yall that have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about, BBR was the very first storytelling project that I actually completed. The format and structure of it takes a bit of explaining to do? So I'll try to make that brief.
(This line was written after everything else. Fair warning, i did not make it brief. I really tried. I am sorry.)
So, I'm a fan of this stream series called CPU Kerfuffle. It's a show where they take a bunch of Level 9 Smash Bros CPUs, give em characters (pink Captain Falcon was Captain Valentine, silver Samus was The Guy From Spy Kids 3D, etc.), and make em fight in a tournament. It was strictly a silly improv comedy thing at first, but as it continued, the characters became more fleshed out, the storylines told became more elaborate. It was basically a shonen anime consisting entirely of tournament arcs. I guess I could also compare it to professional wresting. I don't have much experience in that sphere of entertainment, but from what I can tell they scratch similar itches.
Anyways, the streamer that hosts CPU Kerfuffle has a discord server, and as the fandom for the show grew, more and more people joined so they could talk about the funny Smash Bros Show with people who understood the hype. And this alone was wonderful. It was honestly the first proper experience I got being part of a fandom, I started writing fanfiction for the first time, the whole shebang. And since the fandom was so small and niche, I didn't have to worry about any sort of fandom drama or insanely bad takes. It was great!
Eventually, on this server, people decided they want to do their own Kerfuffles. They streamed their own tournaments on Discord (and occasionally even on Twitch) with their own characters and their own elaborate lore, and eventually as more and more people hopped on that train, these "fanfuffles", as they were called, began to bleed into one another, with every fanfuffle taking place in the same shared universe. It was an honestly beautiful display of creative collaboration, of iron sharpening iron, of people introducing plot elements and other people running with them. Full disclosure, I haven't been able to fully get into fanfuffles like others have. Getting into things with that much happening is very difficult for my brain to handle, and to be honest, I wouldn't have even been able to get into CPUK proper if I hadn't gotten in on the ground floor. Still, even as an outside observer, there's a sense of beauty to it. Like... don't get me wrong, it's stupid and silly and cursed and for pretty much every emotional character beat you're going to find a shitpost or an inside joke. But, in a way, that's kind of what made CPUK what it was. It's improv comedy that, through the collective effort of so many people, has built a world filled with character and stories, and no matter how much I may roll my eyes at the particularly stupid jokes, I will always find that beautiful. It has the same energy as a group of kids playing pretend, or a group of friends telling jokes and stories around a campfire. There's a sense of warmth and camaraderie there that I will always cherish.
...I said I was going to make the backstory brief. I haven't even started talking about Brendle Battle Royale yet.
Oops.
Well, the point of all that backstory and feelings and junk is that Brendle Battle Royale (which I'm going be calling BBR for short) is a fanfuffle. But I did things a bit differently from other fuffles at the time. I wanted to stand out from the crowd in some way, and I wanted to be able to stretch my creative muscles as much as I could.
One of my first decisions, which... is something I'm still debating whether or not I regret... was that BBR was not to be set in the main fanfuffle earth. It would be an alternate universe, a little pocket dimension squared away from everything else. This was so I could do whatever I felt like without contradicting or messing with established fanfuffle canon. While the story that ended up being told benefitted from that decision, I feel like something was lost along the way. Like I said, part of the appeal of fanfuffles was the collaborative aspect, and I had essentially thrown that key part of the experience out the window. But, what's done is done.
The other decision I made was on format, the medium that the story would be told through. This choice was kinda made for me? Because I was, and still am, incapable of streaming footage from my Nintendo Switch, I just don't have the tools required to do that. So, I was to make a written fanfuffle, which is something some people do. They write down character interactions, describe the fights as they happen, that sorta thing. Not as dynamic and outwardly exciting as the visual variety, but still, perfectly serviceable. I also decided to write the individual episodes in a screenplay format, as another way of differentiating myself. I'd go back on this decision later for reasons I'll go into, but for the time, it functioned.
I also knew I wanted this to be quick; I did not want to commit to a large project that I was unsure I could actually complete, so I decided on a 5 episode outline, a miniseries, for lack of a better term. This story would introduce some characters, have some tournaments, the antagonist would be clear from the beginning, the story would happen, and then it would be over. Quick, nice, and easy. And so, that's what I did.
When making the first five episodes of BBR, I want to make it clear that it was the height of the pandemic. I had just graduated from high school. I was already vaguely unhappy then, and now I had nothing to distract myself from it. Writing, which was once a joy, became... difficult. Draining. And it kinda shows in the story I told. The characters are... fine. For the most part. There are some standouts that I still really care for to this day, but more than a few of them are forgettable. I'd also say the plot really doesn't seem fully thought through? I tried to capture the improvisational aspect of fanfuffles by pantsing more than I usually did, outlining less, that sorta thing. But one of the things that I lament about the first five episodes that I would rectify later on, is that there wasn't really that much of an emotional tether. Not enough time was spent with the characters just... being. It's not my best work, and when ever I think about BBR, it's often not about the first act.
It's about the following two.
Shortly after finishing my originally planned five episode series, I decided I wanted to do more. I had started and finished my fanfuffle and... around me, the others were still going, still enthusiastic, still having fun. I envied that, I suppose. So I went back to BBR, but I made some changes. Instead of writing the whole tournament in a single script and expecting people to read it, I would do each episode in a discord thread, writing out character scenes and commentating on fights as they happened. This was... a touch more difficult, to be honest with you, but it also helped me preserve just a shred more of the improvisational, spontaneous edge that fanfuffles have. People could also react to plot revelations in real time, and while this didn't happen too terribly often, there are certain moments that stand out in my head, getting live feedback from people mid-episode, that I still treasure now.
I haven't been getting into specifics about the plot and characters, and I might do that on another post if anyone is interested, but something that also changed in the transition from Act 1 to Acts 2 and 3 were that, now that I had established the major characters, I could move them around, in directions that I simply couldn't in the first Act because I didn't allow myself the time. The emotion tether that had been lacking from Act 1 finally manifested, and I expanded on themes that I had introduced in the first five episodes but never really explored.
The burden of one's memories and regrets, the pain that comes with being alive and being dragged from day to day without, the struggle to determine one's own identity in a world that is pulling you in a million different directions at once, the strange, paradoxical feeling of isolation, of a metaphorical wall separating you from the rest of the world. How even with all your strength, you can still be weak. With all these people surrounding you, you can still be alone.
It was truly great to finally have the time and space to open up and write truly honestly about the things I had been pondering for so long. One of the joys of writing for me is that stories are the means by which I communicate with people. I'm autistic, so verbalizing my own thoughts, speaking with people, even my own family, never came easy to me. So it's nice to have this sort of outlet, to be able to explore my own feelings instead of letting them simmer and spark in my own head. It's a release. And with BBR, this was one of the first times that I had shared that with others. I'll admit, it was terrifying, but it was also cathartic.
Brendle Battle Royale was by no means a perfect story. Yet again, by the time I had reached the end, it was quite obvious that I had run out of steam. I was falling into another depressive slump and I just wanted to get it done. But... at the end of the day, I finished it. It's a full story that I told, warts and all. And, to be honest? I don't think things are beautiful because they are flawless. They are beautiful because they're real. And even amidst all the silly jokes and shitposts, that's what Brendle Battle Royale was to me.
Holy shit this post is way too long what the FUCK-
0 notes
poorsapadvocate · 2 years ago
Note
I actually was working on making a twitter thread explaining the lore of CPUK as efficiently as possible, but I never got around to posting it. I cleaned some stuff up since I don’t have to handle character limits, but this is still a very broad overview that doesn’t cover everything (and in fact skips out on a lot of my favorite bits)
Season 1 (ep 1-9): Mostly shenanigans. An inter-dimensional hivemind demon called Crimson attempts to take over the universe. Also like a good 1/8 of the participants are mad science experiments, this pays off later.
Season 2 (ep 10-20): Crimson is defeated off-screen after the show goes on a long hiatus and comes back with new rules (see below). We all got mad at a purple alligator for a bit. The mad scientist that done did all the experimenting is revealed to be Dr. Order, who takes over the games through the power of girlbossing. Dr. Order attempts to become a god by taking the power of time goddess Chartreuse, but is defeated by a Florida Man and send back to Mesopotamia. Also Sephiroth was there.
Season 3 (ep 21-27): Chartreuse is revealed to have two siblings, Cobalt and Crimson (yes the same one from season 1), as well as a babysitter named Prism; all of which have just as much cosmic power as she does. Crimson, Guardian of Dimensions, was not doing a really good job guarding dimensions, resulting in Garfield and Shantae turning in to cosmic horrors and Nagito Komaeda Danganronpa and Kanye West being written out of existence (which isn’t a huge loss? Might be a net positive). Crimson attempts to take power once more, but gets dunked on. (This was all written in for one one-off gag about how Nagito’s section is still in Super Smashup Kerfuffle despite not having appeared in CPUK at that point) Meanwhile, the Florida Man and his boyfriend attempt to bring Sephiroth back from the dead apparently just to see if they can, but end up aggravating Colbalt, the Guardian of Death.
Current (ep 27--): With the help of Chartreuse’s babysitter, Prism, the current champion Dantoinette organizes a Grand Tournament made of the best returning fighters. However, Prism has her own reasons for organizing the tournament, which may have to something to do with the Guardians’ parent dying and involves causing as much trauma for them as possible.
Participants are organized into 8 teams (as of S2):
Team Clutch fights for honor (the faces)
Calibur fights for glory (the heels)
Charm fights for love
Cones fights for chaos
Cash Money fights for $$$
Chonk fights for girth
Cross fights to make Super Smash Bros the biggest crossover in cinematic history
Craken fights to rep Ryan's OCs, the Red Kraken. Characters on this team are either pirates dressed in red and representing a dance move of some kind, or are part of Hoedown's family on Patch Farms.
Main characters of note that weren’t already talked about:
Iggy Koopa: Tournament organizer and Ryan's Main. Happy Iggy Friday.
Dantoinette: Current reigning champion. OP and knows it. We tried getting rid of her twice and she’s still champion.
Captain Valentine: The people's champ and reoccurring MC
Captain Quadratic: Valentine's robot clone, created by Dr. Order and still trying to recover from her treatment. Often fills in for Val as MC or gets involved in the main plot.
Larry: Chaotic shapeshifting Florida Man. Kind of the main character by default since most of the plot involves him in some way. He's also very gay and in love with his boyfriend Hackerman J0hn.
Squid Jenny: Field reporter and fan favorite.
Hamburger Helper: One of the early champions; the fact that we couldn’t get rid of him, plus his relationship with his ex-husband Dadendorf and son Dark Jimbo, shapes most of season 1. 
Plum K. Rool (often shortened to P. Rool or Prool): One of the more notable champions since Ryan did everything in their power to make him not win. Actually a pretty good guy, just with a disgusting CPU. Doesn't have much of a backstory but still shows up frequently.
Therapuppy: The tournament's on-call therapist who also happens to kick a lot of ass
Folk: Therapuppy's future self, a time-travelling dog therapist who is also a pirate and trans.
There's a lot that happens in every episode of CPUK, but very little affects the main story. Not to mention lore can change on a dime depending what the showrunners or CPUs get up to.
So like. I genuinely don't know how CPU Kerfuffle gets lore and I'm bad at paying attention. Not necessarily looking for spoilers but I'm kinda looking for, like. how does it get lore isn't it just CPUs fighting, so I know what's going on?
The short(ish) version is this
Basically, we made them into characters and gave them backstories. Then during the tournament (at the beginning) we would get "reports from the field" surrounding events taking place mid-tournament. Over time that evolved into full-on cutscenes with voice acting (starting around season 2, most specifically around 17). And from there plot just ended up happening. If you want a detailed rundown of the plot you can either watch it (the Discord loves watching people react to CPUK lol) or ask for a rundown lol
58 notes · View notes
basalt-havic · 4 years ago
Photo
Tumblr media
Sometimes a family is just three pan lovecore bitches, only one of which is actually on Team Charm
20 notes · View notes
brushstrokes-art · 3 years ago
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
a few extra daniposts for consideration. and also danthony.
135 notes · View notes
ampersketch-art · 3 years ago
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
CPUK art compilation 2
20 notes · View notes
larrythefloridaman · 2 years ago
Text
Finally picked this up again! episodes #Reboot and CPUK11 notes under the cut! Considered doing more eps for this batch of notes but decided to make a new post as we hit the end of each new arc for the sake of breaking these posts up into bites thatre a Liddle shorter, lol. enjoy
CPUK Reboot! Ryan says outright they're gonna ignore some stuff going forward for the sake of clarity, like for example mario from super mario's weirdnesses. They launch into an explanation of the whole crimson debacle, describing BOTH hamburger Helper summoning the crimson initially AND the Crimson killing the Grunk as having been accidental, which tracks a bit with crimson's comments about the whole grunk thing being 'messy,' and later established fact that what he was trying to do was corrupt him, and resisting being made into something he wasn't is what killed him. Whole lot of fuckin. Life-Changing Whoopsie Doodles going on in here. just an absolute tragedy of errors. Crimson later, in CPUK Orange: "but he got better! you can't stay mad at me forever right?" sorry crimson i know you've probably already accepted this by now. but they are going to.
Following Ryan leaving cpu kerfuffle for a bit after the fucking bummer PR Nightmare that was the grunk and jay dying, everyone just went fucking hogwild attempting to claim championship for themselves as in the absence of the competition, noone had been officially declared the new champion, and therefore it was considered up for grabs and the contestants descended into chaos and infighting, banding together into factions to try and take championship on behalf of their team. need to know more about this era. CPUK11 describes it as Mad Max-ish. It sounds hilarious. Iggy 'tamed' the Crimson, sacrificing his godpower to do so in what we later learn was the result of a multifaceted deal with Cobalt to keep Crimson Alive, but no longer interfering with the normal function of the tournament itself, while also paying off Iggy's debt to Cobalt for bringing back Home as part of the timeloop. Chat Member: "hot take: cpu kerfuffle has more complicated lore than homestuck" Ryan: "not yet, give it time." smiles
Ryan: "The crimson right now is like- pretty chill, it wont be contagious, it wont be killing anybody- i like that I like it not killing anybody-" aside from the obviously bad still possessing val thing he's just been. fucking vibing? i guess? Compliant with Cobalt and Iggy's terms. It is interesting in retrospect how thoroughly crimson was discussed like a Thing and not a Person early on despite definitely being played as having personality and human level intelligence even then. Just a lot… quieter. 
Ryan: "But Iggy's decided: okay you guys made factions? We're going to do the tournament all the same, except now everyone's gonna be fighting on and representing their own teams."
Team Crimson original description: "the team for anyone with loyalty to the crimson, or just really likes the color red. All of them are quite passionate for whatever it is that they love, whether it be the abomination that is their namesake or their more personal passions, but the one rule is you Gotta be wearing the color red."
Cash money is about making cash money, OR brand loyalty/cultivation. very little has changed beyond the eventual outright banning of rich people to center more specifically on small businesses, individuals furthering their careers and freelancer types.
"Team Clutch's sole purpose is to produce the greatest fighters ever to live, and they will train hard and win this tournament to prove it." lol. lmao even (affectionate)
Team Cones has seen that cpu kerfuffle is ALL about the chaos, and they're leaning into it baby, lets go!!
"After the Crimson was tamed by Iggy. Unfortunately, even as the Crimson was tamed, Captain Crimson stayed within the Crimson's clutches, he was the one thing it managed to hold onto tightly. Captain Crimson used to be known as Captain Valentine, is essentially the sort of- emissary of the Crimson, the leader of the Crimson, and the one who formed Team Crimson. Right now he's- just kind of a crimson boy- a lot of people are speculating that Valentine might still be in there but if we see him again it might not be this time-" 😔
"The other member of team crimson- Dantoinette! Dantoinette originally came here as a player of Tekken and Soul Calibur, 3d fighters, and came here like 'i kick ass at those games, this is gonna be Nothing' and they showed their stuff-" ryan keeps they/them-ing random fighters. he keeps doing it and it's awesome
"-however, throughout all the madness that came, the whole outbreak, the hiatus, Dantoinette actually didn't choose a team at first- but Captain Crimson was like 'hey, you wear red, you've got this passion for these games, want to join my side?' And Dantoinette decided 'yeah, lets do it.' So thats Dantoinette." Crimson. I reiterate that her first reaction to meeting you was attempting to kill you. Boy-
ICEE remains just a guy in a bear suit that likes him some fuckin ICEE baby! Or actually a bear. Ryan says the jury's still out on that part. At this point im willing to say ICEE just IS a bear suit. Like a sentient mascot costume i mean. Take the head off and theres just nothing in there. Yung Papaya made a few singles that got charted during the hiatus, so he's making that Money, and him and ICEE started team cash money as a joint thing.
Team Clutch formed by Sword Goku with the goal of creating a team where people can work to become the best version of themselves, they can be the champions they know they can be. And part of Team Clutch at this point is the former champ, the king himself, Big Yopper, the first champ before it was even called CPU Kerfuffle. He and Sword Goku spent the whole break training.
"Team Cones wasnt really founded by anyone it just sort of- appeared from the aether. We have Hamburger, the original reigning champion, a winner at the top of his game for many years- originally he was just sorta- doing his own bullshit, he was actually married to someone else who we'll talk about in a second- got divorced after the whole Crimson thing, and after the whole Crimson thing was all said and done, he decided y'know what? I'm breaking away from all that. He defected from the Crimson and joined team cones because he's all about that chaos." Defected is an interesting word choice here because it implies despite Crimson's whole thing being physically controlling you that he just Did That. Between this and Chessmaster (both of whom were explicitly willingly possessed for the sake of a power boost) it feels like. Maybe there could be some kind of Personal Revelation type condition to meet to free yourself from Crimson? Considering the fact he's a god of treachery who possesses your body to do evil, a bad influence personified that tempts you toward destructive coping mechanisms with varying degrees of intentionality and malice, a correlation between choosing to earnestly change yourself for the better and being able to throw off his hold on you seems pretty Thematically Appropriate, although it does make Dantoinette literally axeing the evil out of people even funnier. Dantoinette voice: i dont need therapy and neither do you. what you need is an asskicking to get some sense knocked into you and i can deliver one. express shipping DIRECTLY to hell
"And joining him on that team is his own ex-husband of all people, Dadondorf! Unfortunately they did have a bit of a divorce- crimson took over him, he was being a bit of a dick, and dadondorf is not… with him right now he's just joining the team with him, helping build the team, he's like, 'no funny business, strictly professional relationship we have as we rule over Team Cones'." i think dad's lying a little bit i think mamma mia by abba is on repeat in dadondorf's brain at this point and he was being very brave about it /j
ICEE's bird is named Cherry <3
ICEE and Big Yopper are good friends that hang out often and apparently sometimes they stream together? ICEE's friends are like 10 or 50+ with very little in between with the exception of like, spriteman. who's like. I think he's in the same early to mid twenties age range as j0hn and larry? but thats an assumption based largely on 'it feels right.' 
Jimbo plays both persona and minecraft. This is the only fresh information i can glean from Cap'n Crim vs. Dadondorf its nearly all unremarkable match commentary and that's a little funny to me. Later though its suggested Dadondorf performs poorly in this fight because 1) hes feeling like a washed up old man and then later 2) fighting captain crimson just sort of Inherently threw him off and put him on the defensive
Yung Papaya calls for a ban on New Donk, claiming it gives an unfair advantage to team cones because they revel in the chaos of a stage with walk offs that moves that much. Hamhel sets a challenge that if YP can win their set then sure, he'll agree to a ban. If Hamburger helper wins the set, he gets to ADD a stage to the legal stage list. Ryan: "I don't know why Hamburger Helper is in charge of this but Iggy approves." He legalizes fucking Hanenbow. We have hamhel to thank for the fuckleaf <3
Dani V. Swoku rematch! Ryan: "these guys are almost opposites, I'd say- Dani being like this lone wolf who's only a part of team crimson because of the passion for another game while Sword Goku's a guy who wants everyone to be the best they can be out of a love for this game. Dantoinette's the one who puts salt in all the chats, Sword Goku's the one that fires it up." Dani ruins his life as per the usual. Dani closes out the match with trash talk, but Sword Goku 'isn't really phased by stuff like that.' Gestures at 20's 1-0 good goddamn, goku im sorry,
Capn Crim vs. Big Yopper, yopper takes the first round bc crimson fucks up and falls for yops disruption tactics. lol. Ryan: "if I'm Captain Crimson right now, im taking- I'm taking a minute to destress, because this guy is absolutely in his head right now. So i think he's taking a breather to get his head in the game to make the same kind of big brain plays he made against dadondorf." Captain Crimson proceeds to counterpick to mario maker. Listen i know he helped found team crimson/calibur but lbr he's always belonged with cones this fucker just wants to make a goddamn mess more than anything. And i guess by like, technicality gestures at limbo that would be his team right now. Crimson gets 2-0'd <3
Hamhel vs. Dantoinette. Dantoinette says L+ratio+youre divorced and 2-0s him to death. It is very clear that without crimson behind the wheel as he was in 9 hamhel cannot challenge dani. They go stock for stock both rounds but Hamhel stagepicks deliberately to small stages where he has disadvantage. in a round where if he loses he has to fight his husband next. Hamburger proceeds to almost 3-stock Dadondorf, and Dadondorf, when asked to comment on this, makes the very suspicious comment of 'its all part of the plan.' This does not obviously appear to go anywhere.
Captain crimson fights a child (yung papaya) and sds less than 20 seconds into the match. Ryan: "at this point- id be packing my bags, taking a deep breath and trying to clear my head for the next round cuz it might be good just to take an L at this point-" despite this capn crim brings it back and wins the first match by (non-literally 🥁) getting into his opponents head like big yopper got into his. then nearly 3 stocks in the second match. Does so much off the wall shit this round. Chat: "this is my first cpu kerfuffle and i already think captain crimson is the most batshit person here" Ryan: "yeah, no, Crimson did really good when they took Captain Valentine." and Yung Papaya has made it his life goal to ban New Donk <3
Dantoinette has a loooooot of close calls in this ep, and she does Lose A Match to Big Yopper after Yopper pulls some Bullshit. Wins second round handily. Starts third round by angrily slamming axe straight into ground repeatedly instead of taking advantage of yopper being shieldbroken and vulnerable. She keeps forgetting about his crown and getting hit. 
1-800-AREYOUYOPPIN
Hamhel vs. Capn Crim. Ryan: "this is gonna be an interesting one- the one that's now gone against the Crimson-" (puts up hamhel) "-vs. The face of the crimson itself, since defeated." (Puts up captain crimson) "it's gonna be interesting to see which Number One Guy Of The Crimson wins out. I know right now this is kind of a personal grudge for hamburger helper, so we're gonna have to see how this ends up turning out. Although right now just in terms of like, team loyalty, Captain Crimson isn't worried too much- he's pretty confident in Dantoinette's skills to take it all."
I could watch hamhel fight captain falcons forever and never get bored this is being played like a bitter grudge match and he's still clearly having the time of his life. He dash dances on captain crimson twice. Regardless, capn crim juuuuust barely wins their round.
Captain crimson got fucking Yopped.
Dantoinette then yopped the yopper and took home the championship.
Best of 3 iggy v. dantoinette just for fun exhibition match to close out the night. A nerfed un-ryan-controlled Iggy is firmly on the list of gods Dani could kill if so desired
CPUK 11!!! Doubles, babie!!!
Jay didn't know how he died, and woke up in a coffin tanning bed 6 feet underground. Or why his skin is just a biiiiit red in places. Forgot crimson did it. 'Budget cremation'
Iggy has taken over for Ryan as the Tournament's owner as ryan's special boy and just kept the commentators on as commentators going forward and they are being paid for this
Home MD brought both Grunk and Jay back to life but 'he did still bury you (Jay) alive in a tanning bed before you woke up as a joke.' Larry-
Dantoinette looked at the multiple members of teams in the first tournament of this new direction and said 'no thats stupid. 8 teams, one representative of each.' and the rest of the teams got split off. Then she said 'but Also. this is gonna be doubles.' instead of making everyone play soul calibur like she initially set out to do
Team Crimson: Captain Crimson and Dantoinette. "Arent really big fans of the kerfuffle format- are here to shift it or take it down." 
Dani: "I'll show you what the real gamer. I'll show you what the real game is." so true queen.
Ryan: "Dani won last time and instead of making us all play soul calibur, she split teams and Dani said, whichever two teams win, the final match will be between the two of them and the last man standing will be the champion. Because she's so confident she can kick Captain Crimson's ass. it's very funny." Comona: "From what I've seen, I don't doubt that either." Crimson she is very nearly openly declaring her intent to kick your ass why are you here, calling this shit a long con is so generous to Dani ya girl isnt even trying to lie!!
Team Cones! Hamhel defected from the crimson and brought someone new to the stage- and that's Larry. Jay: "oh my god, wait, is that Larry from the grocery store?" Ryan: "yeah, we met up with him at the grocery store- I think he looked like a dog, there? Remember that dog?" Vivid mental image of Larry (dog form) attempting to work a normal shift bagging people's groceries with paws
Ryan: "yeah, he's kind of a jerk, all about ruining your day and messing stuff up, but y'know, other than that he's just all about the chaos, yknow?" Comona: "yeah i remember the time i was at the self-checkout, and he was just like, a regular dude that day? And so I asked him for help- it was giving me trouble, did the weight thing wrong and it was telling me to get somebody to clear it for me and he just sort of stood there for 5 full minutes before he came over and cleared it for me, true agent of chaos, right there." The Abrasive Traumatized Experiment Man Is Dissociating Intensely In Public Spaces.
Team Cash Money! ICEE didn't want or need to get paid but he Does have a sponsorship. As said before Yung Papaya's tracks charted and he founded cash money looking for more of those fat stacks.
Team Clutch! "You wanna be the very best like no one ever was? Then you want to cheer for team clutch!" Goku with a sword, and MY MAN ALABASTER! Comona: "I mean, I assume the sword comes with a different personality-" Ryan, chipper: "oh Absolutely Not! If you wanted a different personality, then maybe ask T. Runks?" Comona: "Oh! Who is loosely related to G. runk?" Ryan: "THE G.Runk!"
Ryan: "Alabaster is a real CPU Kerfuffle Veteran." Jay, about Al: "I really respect how committed he is to this, I saw him at a local the other day, real top level competitor." Comona: "the best thing about being a good competitor that goes to your locals and really preaches that good mentality stuff is it just brings up everyone around you, it makes your whole scene better." Alabaster really is the Krillin of CPU Kerfuffle. Been here forever… A pretty good guy that's besties with Goku... Started out serious but played goofier with time… Significantly stronger than most average normal human beings of the setting from the sounds of it (bc CPU Kerfuffle is consistently characterized as the Top of the Bloodsports game, and even if Al always loses He Is Still Here, they imply Crimson had to Fight His Way To The Top with his pokemon team to get involved in his introductory ep,) but most well-known for getting owned repeatedly because he's constantly placed in competition with terrifying battle-freaks that aren't fucking normal... Befriended and partnered up with an android…
Team Chonk: do you like em big. Do you like em chunky. BIIIIIIIIIIG YOPPER. THE GRUUUUUUUUUUUUNK. The grunk dont funk but he do chunk. This is vital lore information
Team Charm. Yo anybody in chat gay. Rights and Fly Bi. Who once again is defined entirely by ryan having a crush on him thats the entire bit <3
Team Cross! Sora. but Blonde. And the one, the only, minecraft steve. They fucking hate eachother and its REALLY funny
Team Craken! Hoedown and her husband Patch <3 the red kraken is both real people and also, according to Jay, a bestselling novel about those real people in this universe
Jay: "I know you are a practitioner of the joke. I want to hear what your best joke is." Comona: "my best joke is 'I think Hamburger Helper and Larry are going to win this tournament.'" Jay laughs then "that wasn't funny." Comona: "what, you think they have a chance? In what universe does this fallen grand-champ and some guy from the grocery store have against Otherworldly Forces? And team cash money? ICEE AND YUNG PAPAYA?" Jay: "I'm just saying. Hamburger Helper can handle anybody in this bracket. I know hamburger better than anybody and i think he has what it takes to win. Maybe not all the time, maybe not even today, but sometimes Hamburger Helper has what it takes to win. And If Larry just puts in the effort… i could put my weight behind big yopper, but why wouldn't i want to root for the underdog?" Comona: "because the other team has Big Yopper and The Grunk on it, next question." Jay: "yknow what thats a good point im going with big yopper"
Ryan: "I believe in team clutch." 😔
Jay: "i would sell both of you out for the chance to shake Big Yopper's hand." Ryan: "understandable, big yopper is a legend amidst all this, he's considered the first champion and he's earned it."
Firmly believe Minecraft Steve has never returned because he's a shitty teammate and Blonde Sora kicked him out, he keeps attacking his captain, for NO reason,
Ryan: "theres a lot of discord- a lot of infighting between Dantoinette and Crimson- i mean, the whole reason Dantoinette set this up this way is because she wants a one on one fight against captain crimson in finals after they win it all together." That's IT!!!!!!!!! there is no ruse!!!!!!!! there was never a ruse!!!!!! she's just straight up saying it!!!!!! and Crimson is legit just letting this shit happen!!!!!!! the commentators are pretty literally just stating her intentions in character, the only part thats being left out is the exorcism. Dani could not possibly be more blatant like this is just………….. crimson…… ………. homie……………………… what are you thinking. What is happening in your little freak brain rn. Is it just a windows screensaver going on up there? fuck. Its suggested in passing later in the episode that he's just assuming this whole time, with increasing frustration, that her uncooperative behavior is just her being a gloryhound. Also Johannsen saying Dani's more of a fighter than a thinker in the nccts ringing real true being this Obvious about all this. 
A lot of argument over what kind of bird Fly Bi is with wildly differing options. Jay says he's a parrot. Ryan says hes a falcon. Jay then says 'wait is he a seagull.' Ryan says hes a good boy is what he is. Comona says 'i dont think hes a dog.' Ryan: "good boys aren't limited to dogs!!" Jay: "oh so hes a cat." Ryan: "yes. Hes a catboy. Glad thats settled."
Al and Swoku besties who fight at locals. Jay: "Every match you lose with Sword Goku he makes sure you leave with new information, you get better from losing to him." Ryan: "exactly, and thats why hes such a favorite among the fighters." Comona: "real recognizes real." Jay: "well, I'd say the three of us are the only real ones here." Ryan: "debatable." wow with exchanges like this it's honestly no wonder j0hn figured out there was a real person showrunner among the commentators so fast (referencing that line about 'so its ryan… it makes sense, hes the only one who's at every tournament…' from him in the nccts)
Team Charm struggles to fight individually because of a lack of regard for themselves and their own performance, too empathetic to be pragmatic, and Comona takes a nice moment to say Remember to Take Care Of Yourself, you can only help the people around you so much when you yourself are struggling, so if you can't do it for you, do it for them. Team Clutch work well on their own and support eachother well, but fail to capture or match the synergy of team charm or team crimson. Ryan: "I think they definitely need a little more unity, maybe kiss or something, who knows i'm not here to be a matchmaker." Jay: "I thought it was your tournament?" Ryan: "Iggy's tournament now. Iggy's the matchmaker." team clutch no stranger to kissing the homies goodnight
Craken V. Cones! Jay: "I feel like I've seen this matchup in my dreams." Ryan: "Dreams or nightmares?" Jay: "Definitely nightmares." Ryan: "how did it end in your nightmares?" Jay: "well it ended with hoedown turning into a starfish, so i don't really know-"
Ryan suggests Hamhel might be a bit washed, and potentially intending to pass the torch on to Larry. lol. lmao.
Squid Jenny's done some investigative journalism and has failed to track down the Florida Man for comment on rumors about the Shapeshifter, increasing the likelihood of their connection.
Hamhel catches patchmans key and the commentators lose track of it. Ryan: "I think Hamburger Helper ate the key!" Comona: "oh man do i have a story for you about eating keys later." Ryan: "IM SORRY?"
ICONIC bit: Jay: how do you Know RPS is a solved game? HamHel: "That Question Was So Stupid, I'm Gonna Kill Larry." 
Larry, after Hamhel keeps killing him says Okay, Fuck This, and challenges HamHel for Captainship of team Cones, revealing himself as Florida Man at the same time. Ryan: "bullets everywhere!" Comona: "You know its not hard to get a license for one of those in florida." Ryan: "absolutely not, no." Jay: "yeah, you know how it is." Ryan: "Miami days, baby!" Jay: "they need something to defend themselves against the alligators." Truly there is not one OUNCE of respect in how hamhel fights larry its very funny. Multiple pointless footstools. Drags him just far enough offstage his stand can't save him even after mashing out and he falls anyway, hamhel eating a lost stock just to fuck with him. Larry loses. Jay: "if Larry wants to be captain, he's gonna have to put in as much work into this as hamburger helper has, and that's a LOT of work."
Team cash money vs. Team clutch. Funny Punch Approacheth.
Yung Papaya has a condo in new donk city with a full window view of where it all started, which requires not just money but Connections! Potentially political ones! This is never elaborated on!
Funny Punch <3
Super mario 64 type music is basically always what's playing in ICEEs head. Just pure chipper video game elevator music
Deeply funny in retrospect that Alabaster claimed in his attempt to trash talk in CPUK Red that atleast his list of opponents hes lost to doesn't include a bear. when he has objectively also lost to Icee specifically and in fact managed to lose 4 stocks in a three stock game to him because swoku shared him one. He has Extremely Lost To A Bear. Its just that noone remembers it because Alabaster has lost to A Lot Of People. So noone cares to check! Funny how that works.
Team Cross vs. Team Chonk! Minecraft steve continues to be uncooperative and blora hates his ass so bad. Round one goes poorly for them. Jay, after team chonk Got Their Asses, talking about the Grunk taking out steve's last stock: "God. There's a timeline out there where we just witnessed our first fighter Death." Ryan: "well. second fighter death." Jay, who also died: "oh COME ON, he GOT BETTER!"
Team Charm vs Team Crimson. Jay: "i dont feel that either team is strong enough over the other team to be comfortable betting on this, im keeping my wallet closed." lmao. el oh el
Ryan: "team crimson has a- this weird sort of inverse synergy, their discord just works in their favor, I don't get how that works." Well you see ryan there's a concept you were perhaps forgetting at that point in time called kismesistude- /j
Of course right after i say this, the first obvious instance of Dani's intentional sabotage happens. rights gets shield broken, captain crim is about to finish out the kill with a nice disrespectful fully charged smash attack, and Dantoinette Gets Him with her lance, and the commentators start speculating with astonishment about her potential secret heroism. Jay: "I'm beginning to wonder- Captain Crimson, member of the Crimson- isnt really on a full team per se, are they? Crimson doesn't really have followers?" Ryan: "No, not really anymore after Iggy." 
Dani's record pays a bit for her sabotaging her partner in a lost set against team charm. Captain Crimson is reported to be… in a bit of a strange daze.
Captain Crimson, described as getting shaky and angry: "Listen, we need to talk-" he tries, but Dani just ignores him and starts the next fight. Jay: "she just… keeps attacking Captain Crimson." Ryan: "yeah its a bit fucked up."
Captain Crimson demands a grudge match. Valentine briefly flickers into control before Crimson quickly takes it back. And the fucked thing is Captain Crimson actually manages to win this fight, two stocks up, and i think thats the best a Falcon's technically ever done against Dani. Then they continue as partners into the final round. Crimson doesn't do anything because he won that grudge match, they just. move on. even though he's fully, clearly onto what's happening here now. I fully forgot this fight happened. but it sure is Interesting.
Team Craken vs. Charm is, lore and bitwise, uneventful, but kind of insane its a fun watch
Jay got sent to hell on accident for a few days of his Being Dead time. Front desk gave him the wrong room number, you know how it is.
Dantoinette is spotted off to the side, discussing something with Big Yopper and The Grunk, her team's next opponents. Squid Jenny isn't able to catch whats actually said.
Team Cash vs. Team Cross. Green greens. Three SDs in the beginning of the first match, none of which being Icee. YP rage quit, losing all his stocks stupidly, then took a share stock, and then icee immediately lost his last stock. Its just a truly stupid match in the best way. Ryan: "and for the second time we have Yung Papaya demanding the banning of a stage, he lost the first time, we're not gonna field it again." Icee reassures YP that they'll get 'em next round.
Team Crimson vs. Team Chonk. Comona: "I know we're expecting possibly some collusion here but you know what I think? I think she was just over there trashtalking, like 'I don't care if this guy gets in my way at all, i don't care if he tells you to be careful of dantoinette, you BETTER be careful of me, because I can wreck your shit all by myself.' And everybody knows that she can." Ryan: "absolutely." explaining that shes treating this match like shes 1v3ing to an old man she keeps bullying and the guy her partner Literally Got Killed and telling them if he tells you to be careful, to treat her like a ticking fucking time bomb right now hes right you fucking better if you know what's good for you. like. GIRL? Also love the idea that crimson's warned people about her having one of her Moments enough times that its something she's getting passive aggressive about here. 'i dont care if he tells you to be careful of me because yknow what hes right you SHOULD be' lmao. sure sounds like you care. just a little perhaps.
Alfred joins call just to roast Big Yopper at length, calling him a fake bitch and arguing a little with Comona and Jay about it.
#BigFlopperHategang 
Ryan: "so if one of that team's members were something different you'd be able to support team chonk? If it was say, hamburger helper?" Alfred, also a known hamhel hater: "what is wrong with you? Do you think this is a game?"
After Dani promises team Chonk to treat this set like a 3 v 1, she starts doing Considerably Worse, losing each of her stocks earliest in the second match. Captain Crimson is responsible for winning their team the set, team chonk taking out dani, making her get out first, then Captain Crim taking out Both members of team chonk back to back immediately after in an Admittedly Pretty Clutch Set Of Maneuvers. Alfred: "...I've become a Crimson stan." Jay: "I don't think you have a choice, I think EVERYONE'S a crimson stan now." Comona: "Look at me. Look at me. You're a Crimson Stan now." guess we figured out which episode peppermint saw first /j
Team Charm Vs. Team Cash. With all of the robots gaining sentience and forging their own identities this show has its funny to remember the first one was rights who was built for defending the rights of queer people and gained sentience, looked at their purpose, and went 'yep got it in one' and continued to do it but with slightly more of a personal, self-invested touch. I mean technically Mac's the same, had no issue with his assigned purpose, but in a less well-adjusted way given his purpose was 'be google but better and Win.' 
Ryan: "I know you said you were probably only gonna stay for one match but I think the next one is pretty pertinent to you, Alfred." Alfred: "what is it?" Ryan: "Big Yopper vs Yung Papaya." Alfred: *almost demonic noise of hatred and disgust* "you can't say that. dont do this to me." He does leave but it was funny
Comona, after Icee gets a kill: "wow, Icee is just The Silent Killer, isn't he." Ryan: "Yeah I look away for one second and someones dead and im like 'oh yeah icees just kinda there, huh." Funny little bear minding his own business being smiley and unbothered (he is capable of being SO efficiently violent)
Jay, watching cash money gain advantage because yp and icee keep dunking chonk in the water: "yeah, big yopper doesn't like water, hes kind of like a cat that way." Ryan: "yeah hes exactly like a cat, he doesnt like water. Also he's probably killed multiple government officials." Comona: "I don't know man I read warrior cats wasnt there a whole clan that-" (comona chokes and fails to finish the thought)
Team Chonk performs unexpectedly poorly against team cash money. Comona and Jay speculate that while they hit hard and play well, theyre not really built for Stamina, but Ryan suggests something that was said in their talk with Dani might be what has them feeling thrown off, that she'd gotten into their heads, and Jay talks about how the grunk was dead for a bit and how thats a difficult thing to come to terms with so quickly, and that they, Team Chonk, team Big Of Spirit, may have lost the will to fight. Note: Big Yopper, despite being a captain, doesn't appear again even in like, cameos iirc until G4/Squad Strike. We LOVE a toxic girlboss who can ruin the mood so bad it can make seasoned fighters like actually want to take an extended break from the scene entirely <3
Big Yopper whispers something to Yung Papaya before Team Chonk leaves, but Jenny can't catch what.
Capn Crimson's holding their head all irritated about Dantoinette, and Valentine flickers into control. With what we know about how Crimson possession works- he doesn't really seem to touch your mind exactly, at least not in the infiltration-y sense that Prism does, his possessees all seem perfectly lucid when hes not actively in control of them- he just sort of steals your body and forces you mentally into the backseat as a peanut gallery to whatever he's doing with it and if he's not currently in active control of you he can still tap into your senses- kind of suggests to me what's happening here is maybe that he's too mentally/emotionally preoccupied with what Dani's doing here to focus on staying in full control of Valentine's body? Yung Papaya's half demon exorcist dad Rod who is trapped in the body of a snake is getting very excited about it
Dantoinette shoots Valentine point blank in the chest while Valentine is in control, taking his first stock👍 its said this was necessary to finishing off the Crimson and removing it fully from Val's body. She continues to team kill repeatedly. 
The commentators chatter excitedly about how her behavior all makes sense now- shes been playing the long game to free Valentine the whole time! Jay: "thats why she talked to the chonky boys! To ask them to throw!!!" Jay im sorry but i think you have a little too much faith in her. I know the rat match cometh and you will see the light but i dont think she asked them to throw. I dont think dani would ever ask anyone to throw against her even before her godkiller reputation made her worse. i think she mightve just genuinely decimated their feelings somehow.
Comona: "shes strong, shes got the mental game on lock, I don't know what to make of this except that she might be the protagonist of LIFE." Prism certainly seems to think so! Might want to dial back on the 'mental game' thing though because she has not been Even A Little Subtle about her intent to get captain crimson's ass in finals, once again, The Entire Tournament. Like shes a multi-tasking queen and the crazy son of a bitch did great but you're giving a lot of credit to her machiavellian planning when it sure does look like no aspect of this plan would have worked if. Crimson had genuinely wanted to harm her in any way. Fundamentally reliant on crimson genuinely wanting to be on a team with her. 
Captain Valentine is free! They start singing a bunch of random vaguely applicable lines from unknown from M.E. Dont approve of him but gotta trust him. This partnership is only temporary. I'll be the one to set your heart free true. Cleanse yourself of them evil spirits thats in you. Dani assigned Knuckles. Dani gets knocked out of the match and Val cinches the 2v1 for the both of them.
Commentators give Dani extensive credit for 'basically fighting by herself the whole tournament' while trying to exorcise Valentine as though she was 3v1ing the whole time, calling her 'the most powerful person theyve ever seen.' They aint wrong about the Strongest thing necessarily but. Points at crimson legit carrying at certain points despite his teammate being actively hostile. And the commentators ascribing machiavellian intelligence and planning to something that really doesn't appear all that complicated and was executed in a kinda scuffed on-the-fly way that Would Have Failed if Crimson hadn't kept rolling with her even after her intentions were being made blatantly clear, had to feel some kinda way for Dani 'how dare you throw against me ive gotta Earn it you piece of shit' dantoinette. Dani gotta be feeling some typa way about all this not necessarily earned credit for stabbing a guy in the back who only ever got understandably frustrated with her for Attempting to Stab Him In The Back and even then let it slide assuming she was just being a gloryhound and continuing to trust her right up until she shot him out of his host's chest. Or maybe she's not, at least not yet. As we know, "Dani's more of a fighter than a thinker." - johannsen, ncct4
Speaking of, Dantoinette stands up. Shes making a quick announcement. She says shes done everything she needed to do here. She stopped the demon. She brought back valentine. The crowd erupts. And she is Leaving. Valentine can fight her rat. She'll like. be back probably. Bye. Valentine is disappointed by her complete disinterest in even humoring him and leaving him to fight her rat.
Noone expects secret Johannsen. very talented rat equipped with tasers. 
Jay: "i know this is just a normal rat but… isnt this rat looking a little big?" Ryan and Comona: "It's from new york."
Jay: "I know im gonna get weird looks for this but i dont think normal rats are yellow." Ryan: "you haven't been to Manhattan. You haven't been to Piss Rat Central Station." Comona: "thats so close to what ive heard actual new yorkers call that place."
Comona: "i think Dani mightve… you know that grudge match with-" Ryan: "Captain Crimson at the time, yeah-" Comona: "i think she might have thrown that match to stay on a team with him- to stay in his good graces, or else he might have quit?" bold of you to claim Dantoinette would throw under any circumstances even before she apparently Got Worse. She was already Fucking Fuming about even the Idea that ICEE was bracket dodging to not rematch her in 9. That bit is actually Not new.
YOUR NEW CPU KERFUFFLE CHAMPION: DANTOINETTES PET FUCKING RAT. Valentine is seething.
Jay: "yknow if i was captain valentine right now i would be thinking of going and finding some NEW crimson. I'd be salty. I'd be Mad." Comona: "Captain Valentine has been fighting this demon inside of him so long and he finally gets exorcised, he gets brought out, Dantoinette's like 'cmon we're winning this' he gets the final kill and he feels like a badass and everybodys chanting his name and Dantoinette's like 'fight my rat.' And then he LOSES to it, like the FUCK man!!" Ryan: "Dantoinette is a disrespectful motherfucker to the end."
Comona: "shes like traveling through a dimensional wormhole right now laughing her ass off cause she knows this man's about to get bodied by a RAT." Jay: "on the whole of it, in her broad strokes, shes a good person, right? But at the finer points of her? She's a shitter." Ryan: "yeah, she's a piece of shit. She's a gamer, that's what it is. She'll be back one day- she's made it clear she OWNS cpu kerfuffle, she's just handing things off to the rat so she can go play a game she actually WANTS to play."
And so the crimson arc ends as it began- on the burning bridge of a messy gay breakup along moral lines! /j
Been rewatching bits and pieces of cpuk season one for fun and taking notes of funny stuff we dont talk about much in the discord and thinking abt it in the context of later seasons/information and its very fun. This is stuff from 1-5 (will likely update as i get further in this partial rewatch, under readmore for spoilers of later parts of the series and keeping the post short)
Hamhel and dadondorf apparently taught jimbo 'butt/butts' is a swear word but 'fuck' isnt. Jimbo is really interested in music as we know but also distinctly very bad at it. Jimbo's biological parents are dead, but left him a LOT of money and as a result spending too much money on shit he doesn't need became his favorite coping mechanism and, following the divorce, he used up all of his inheritance money and started dipping into the family funds, which is when Dadon and him start having Problems. Jimbo is extremely hamhel's kid neither of them should be trusted with any kind of power. Jimbo, i know you've been through a lot and the dad that was demonstrably better at connecting with you is being Fucked Up And Evil Right Now but honey, the shopping addiction is not gonna make your life any stabler. listen to zzzzzzoey. go to therapy. 'Jimbo tried to summon satan to kill his dad' is a thing thats said. Which. gestures in crimson's general direction. funny. Jimbo is peak 'remember when you were 15 and convinced you were evil and irredeemable but really you were just 15' except at this point hes like, 13 max im pretty sure and also hes Really stupid (affectionate.) (CPUK1)
Dadondorf is personal friends with Cranky Kong. Hamhel claims he threw a match in winners finals against Dad to give him a fighting chance and I think he's full of shit as ever <3 Dadondorf to Jimbo: "I'm sorry, It's just- I know you miss your other dad, but we'll get through this together." bro dont talk to me about to wring hamhel's dumbass neck, you dumb son of a bitch meat man abandoning your family for demonic power to recapture your glory days im gonna KILL Y- hes better now its fine im fine theyre fine. man imagining what the winners finals and championship match between dadon and hamhel at the end of cpuk1 would be like with season 2-3 style voiceacted storytelling has me fucked up. itd kill me i think .
Zzzzzoey's apparently like. 18 years old in cpuk1????? If thats still canonical shes in her fuckin. early 20s now. what the Fuck. more like a cool big sister to Jimbo convincing him to go to therapy and helping him reconcile with his dad like that than a peer. (CPUK1)
Patchman apparently worships some kind of obscure scarecrow harvest god called Scarny, and either his ratspeak was kind of rusty or he genuinely briefly forgot what science was because when he called Zapmouse the work of the devil and Zapmouse corrected him by saying he was a product of science he said he didnt believe in scientology. Zapmouse is explicitly an atheist. Zapmouse also likes to use elaborate threats to get his point across. Zapmouse ended a friendship and threatened to rip out a person's teeth for patronizing him by calling him their pet to explain why they were talking to a rat. (CPUK2)
Grundy, the Grunk's brother, has a confirmed skin, he's represented by the green bowser when they talk about him during the Grunk's intro! He and the Grunk lived in Tennessee, and he's a famous and respected restauranteur specialized in Southern Comfort Food whose critical opinion is so highly respected a bad yelp review from him can tank businesses. He, and I quote, 'sucks.' they talk about grundy so much in the grunk's debut episode it's kinda funny that he's never shown up. They even raise the idea of introducing him as a fighter at some point. although considering his brother died being part of kerfuffle and then he kept doing it and let his son participate too, i dont blame him for not wanting to get involved. People apparently start beef with the Grunk sometimes just for being related to Grundy, considering sauceboss. maybe they just don't. talk anymore. (CPUK4)
Home MD really likes fish and cares about the ocean as an environment, Alfred even throwing out the idea that he wears black in grim remembrance of the Mozilla Oil Spill. i wonder if this interest was present before the time loop or if it developed during. What im asking is what came first hackshifter aquarium dates or home md getting just like really into maintaining his doctors office fish tank as a coping mechanism. Did Larry frequently get into physical altercations with litterers at the beach growing up or is that new. They say Home MD saw Finding Dory and cried. they also, unrelated, say Home is so old he canonically uses internet explorer. Fucking mean to him!!! he's like 25ish at this point in the loop! I know he has the exhaustion in his eyes of a man twice that age but leave him alone!!!!!!! (CPUK4) (Sidenote its so fucking funny to me that even during the home timeloop larry was picking fights with hamhel. He wants to kick that old mans ass so bad but it'll never happen. I think larry greets hamhel every time they meet by trying to put him in a headlock and casually failing. Their weird frenemy relationship is so funny to me)
Firefox is a Mega-Corporation that has its fingers in lots of things, the browser's just the main thing they do. So in the kerfuffleverse mozilla as a company is kinda like google as a company is in the real world. Mozillas dead as hell and Nightly hates his ass and has understandably complicated feelings about family but it's unclear in my memory if he's still like, involved with the company or the rest of his family in any way. Is nightly a disowned out of touch ex-richboy or what (CPUK4)
it is funny that the lowkey bloodlust has been whats stuck about Corn most into the present from her debut. Alfred: "corn really just put a knife to this man's (home md) neck and said 'i'm here to take your blood.'" She craves violence and always has and i respect it (CPUK4)
ICEE was a huge superfan of ICEE who got sponsored as a result of him promoting the brand through his very public love of it abd as such has some amount of unofficial pull with the company. Spriteman is not sponsored. The coca cola company does not want to be associated with Spriteman in any way, shape, or form. his sheer violent feverish devotion to that citrus soft drink is completely fucking unmarketable to them. If cpu kerfuffle wasn't distinctly unaffected by the law he'd probably be getting sued for so aggressively stanning their product in such an intensely unflattering way on a public platform. Also christ in a clown car he was stuck perfect for SO LONG he went perfect between cpuk3 and cpuk4, and didn't recover until cpuk20. This man was in a feral state and not fully in control of himself for a bit under 2 years i think? he is So rusty at being a human. In the first episode he was 'Perfect,' he seemed fairly lucid, which is. Upsetting. because it implies that he slowly lost that lucidity until he was the 's-sprite' stammering beast he was by the time g2 rolled in. 
Yung Papaya's snake exorcist dad was described as being half demon before becoming a snake, and his name is actually Rod. These are some of the only things the snake priest dad remembers from his life before being transformed into a snake aside from his work as an exorcist. I have no additional commentary on this i just think its funny (CPUK5)
The Light Void is, apparently, a void of pure light and an entity that instead of consuming or encompassing things as one might imagine the maw of the void to do, allows things to take of it whatevers needed that it can give. a sort of metaphysical wellspring hammerspace of potential, it sounds like. One of the many odd, complex and multifaceted world-crafting forms of Spectrum's divinity, perhaps? its emissary, corrupted into the cbt demon, is described as having little sentience/autonomy to begin with, so it's tricky to exorcise because it lacks much of a will of its own to free, and doesn't have the capacity to desire to be freed, as it exists to serve whatever purpose its needed for. It can only speak occasionally, and it's very direct and lacks personality. (CPUK5)
In CPUK5's intros, ryan says dan is a geeksquad employee that was Sent Into The Game. Like A Normal Guy From Real Life Literally Sent Into The Video Game. Its compared repeatedly to scooby doo cyberchase. nccts stuff clarifies this is arguably pretty normal for the fighters origins but Dan was literally intentionally isekai'd here from Normal Actual Real Life to help try to deal with hamburger helper. Every Dan Is Explicitly From Another World. Also he seemed like he was having so much genuine fun fighting Al compared to his whole Comedically Tired Cosmically Tormented Everyman thing hes got going on now and also for like the whole rest of his time in even this tournament. Also apparently he fixed icee's ipod once and returned it and all the music was gone except 15 copies of ice ice baby with one under pressure. blows kiss love u dan <3
Alfred: "Alabaster Uppercut has been fighting for 27 years, and dedicated the other two to teaching children how to do the uppercut just like him" oh my god was Al already like 29 when cpuk5 happened. Is Al in his early thirties now. Also he says Al was already very respected and well-known in his home village and he was once ideologically pacifist and only signed up for cpuk because a group of other competitors viciously defamed him and his village and called him a pussy on social media and one of the village kids started getting bullied over it and that's what crossed a line with him, which is interesting. Ya boy loves the fight for the sake of the fun of the fight now but he supposedly used to Very Much Not Like Fighting Pointlessly At All? Originally more of a 'practices a martial art as a meditation and preservation of heritage' kind of guy before discovering The Joys Of Consensual Sportsman's Violence
26 notes · View notes
greenshi · 3 years ago
Link
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Category: Gen
Fandom: CPU Kerfuffle (Web Series)
Characters: Captain Valentine (CPU Kerfuffle) Dantoinette (CPU Kerfuffle) Crimson (CPU Kerfuffle) The Guy (CPU Kerfuffle)
Additional Tags: Angst Light Comfort Hurt Mild Gore discussions of trauma Trauma Aftermath of Possession Post-Possession dani is bad at helping but by god does she try
-
Captain Valentine has regained control of his body.
Captain Valentine has lost control of his life.
12 notes · View notes
trixiepasta · 3 years ago
Photo
Tumblr media
Everyone is fighting for redemption in CPU Kerfuffle 26! They’re all such great characters, it’s hard to choose a favorite.
38 notes · View notes
exhumedicarus · 3 years ago
Note
This is an open invitation to talk about your blorbos. I don't have any specific questions, just tell me whatever you wanna!
oh well thank you anon! this is so open ended and now i don't really know what to say but i suppose i will ramble about one of my favourite characters from cpuk, dantoinette
so first i should actually explain how cpuk works in order for any of what i'm about to say to make sense. tl;dr it is a smash bros cpu tournament with lore, characters are represented by the different smash bros fighters and each episode is typically an eight person double-elimination tournament. the whole thing is done via smash bros matches and improvised dialogue between characters, with the actual people involved commentating the matches and voicing the characters
dantoinette first showed up in cpuk6 with the backstory that she was from an alternate universe where the tournaments took place in soul calibur and she came to the universe of cpuk to prove that soul calibur is better or something like that, i don't remember the exact details she proceeded to sweep the tournament before losing the championship match to a guy dressed as the icee mascot, who she still holds a grudge against to this day, despite having beaten him multiple times since.
she showed up again in 9 and the reboot (technically 10) where she got first both times. because of this, she was champion for 11 and chose to make it a doubles tournament, teaming up with captain crimson (for context, this character named captain valentine lost a bet to season one's villain, crimson, and got possessed, and after the rest of crimson was destroyed, the last bit remained possessing captain valentine) and managed to not only win them the tournament, but also remove the last bit of the crimson from captain valentine purely by getting stray hits on her own teammate. then. instead of sticking around to fight valentine for the title of reigning champion, she left and let him fight her pet rat, johannsen. the rat won.
dani then went back to her own universe for a while, until cpuk20, because she was called in to help fight season two's villain, an evil mad scientist named doctor order trying to steal the powers of the goddess of time, chartreuse. she again won the tournament but again lost the championship match. although this time her opponent was the doctor who had gotten the time goddess's powers and had gone back in time from the next day in an attempt to stop the others from going through with their attack on her lab. after the mad scientist was defeated, dani once again went back to her own dimension, feeling bad about her loss even though doctor order had won a 7v1 and there was no way she could have ever won on her own
recently she's shown up again and hasn't done that much lore-wise but she is technically reigning champion at the moment. she's also currently having a bit of a crisis regarding her whole Not Losing thing and having a bad time with the current arc villain. i'm not going to go into the nccts because those are a whole can of worms and are non canon so that's her whole story so far
(when i say she doesn't lose, i mean she Does Not lose. she has the best record out of anyone that isn't a perfect 100% win ratio and the only people with perfect records are i believe a literal god, nagito komaeda (erased from existence,) and jon arbuckle. it doesn't say in the image but she also got 1st in 26. and 28)
Tumblr media
1 note · View note
taffyglitch-art · 2 years ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Happy holidays, @bubblymiilk! Here is your gift for @discordvillage-giftexchange, I hope you enjoy this art of the captains!!!!!
31 notes · View notes
lushuuya · 3 years ago
Photo
Tumblr media
this is what i understand of the dani-val dynamic so far
2 notes · View notes
chongoblog · 4 years ago
Note
Hey, I really want to watch CPU kerfuffle, is there a document that sums up the first 10 episodes so I can start at 11 and know everything important?
Funny enough, there actually is! Around the time of 10, I created a lore document that I would try to update with each Kerfuffle. I kinda stopped doing it around 11, which is the magic number for ya. However it IS 50 pages long (and a lot of the information is out of date). Ever since then, a wiki has been created which does a good job of covering many things, although since a LOT of characters return (some with a lot of Spoilers attached to them)
Here's the lore document and here's the wiki, but for the sake of brevity, I'll include a "brief" synopsis of Everything Important From Season 1 of CPUKerfuffle You Need To Know About So You Can Start On CPUKerfuffle #11 (under the cut)
So here's the Season 1 Synopsis. CPU Kerfuffle is a tournament series featuring Level 9 CPU's with their own names and distinct characters (this characterization is ramped up in Season 2 but one step at a time). Each tournament is a double-elimination bracket of eight fighters, and the winner of the tournament goes 1 on 1 against the current Champion of CPU Kerfuffle. The Champion is allowed to slightly alter the rules of the tournament to fit their style (for instance, when ICEE was Champion, he made Freezies appear occasionally) In the beginning, it was run by me in-universe and was a largely informal affair.
In terms of the Important Story Events, there aren't too many in Season 1, so before we cover those, let's introduce some character that might be important later.
-Squid Jenny: A disciple of the god Iggy Koopa. In her first tournament, she was presented as a FIERCELY loyal subject before actually briefly defecting from Iggy while also changing her name and gender presentation. She would later go on to return as a follower of Iggy, but with a new name and a new sense of personal agency. She says Trans Rights, obviously.
-Hamburger Helper: A Red Ridley who was the first Champion and held his reign as Champion for quite some time. Is married to a Ganondorf named Dadandorf and they share a son named Jimbo, who becomes Dark Jimbo out of teenage rebellion.
-Florida Man: A white coat Joker hailing from Florida, and a being of all the chaos that entails. He doesn't do much in Season 1, but keep an eye out for him in Season 2.
-Home MD: A doctor who wishes to find the cure for losing. Over the course of the series, he loses and regains his medical license.
-Spriteman/Perfect Spriteman: Spriteman is Just a Guy Who Really Loves Him Some Sprite! He won't stop talking about his favorite citrus soda! But....what happens when his obsession goes too far? He turns into a Piranha Plant, that's what.
-Patch-Man & Hoedown: Patch-Man is the owner of a large farm known as "Patch Farms", which is a place of bountiful harvest, although there have been some very intriguing farming techniques used there, such as creating a daughter that is also a gijinka of Corn itself named Corn on the Cob. He's married to Hoedown, who is secretly a member of the pirate crew known as the Red Kraken. Within Season 1, Hoedown is the only member of the Red Kraken in CPUK
-Captain Valentine: Just an overall cool dude and the face of the tournament throughout Season 1
-The Grunk: A Big Boy who can get pretty angry. He specifically joined the Kerfuffle after Hamburger Helper dissed his Tinder profile.
-Dantoinette: More accustomed to Soul Calibur, Dantoinette came over to CPU Kerfuffle to see how the other side played. She is.....very good.
There are more, but I want to keep this at least somewhat brief. So in terms of the relevant lore, here is the series of events that take place:
After a few tournaments of Hamburger Helper keeping hold as Reigning Champion, Iggy sends Jenny to see if Hamburger Helper is up to something. And it appeared he was, as he was building a strange machine.
Soon after, a fighter appears that simply goes by the name of "Crimson". And once he joins, an incredibly strange tournament takes place that includes splitting and converging of universes. The Guy from Spy Kids 3-D is there. There's a lot of confusion (and a lot of it gets kinda retconned? Only so much you can do when you improvise things lol), but it's discovered that Crimson is a sort of hivemind demon that can control other people at will while also holding some power over the different dimensions, and it's clear that Hamburger Helper is working for the Crimson.
On the ninth CPU Kerfuffle, we approach a Season Finale, preparing for things with a set of round robin preliminary rounds. And those are eventful. Home MD loses his doctorate from how badly he's beaten, Captain Valentine becomes possessed by the Crimson, and The Grunk is actually found DEAD, killed by the Crimson.
After this tournament, there is a hiatus. In-universe, I decided that having all this negative PR was way too much to handle, leading to a lack of tournaments and leaving the battlefield in an almost Mad-Max-Style chaos for months. Amidst the Chaos, the fighters all create four factions, or "Teams", which I'll talk about later.
At the end of this haitus, Iggy himself steps down from the heavens and uses an enormous amount of his power to greatly weaken the Crimson, ridding most of its existence, but still unable to turn Captain Valentine back. In light of coming back AND saving the world a little bit, Iggy becomes the new owner of CPU Kerfuffle, bringing back my friends and I simply as commentators in-universe. Squid Jenny becomes a field reporter to help the tournament run and to help the audience see the discussions happening between fighters. Another person working for the tournament rather than fighting anymore is Home MD, whose doctorate is restored after he manages to revive The Grunk from the dead.
This leads to the tournament titled "#Reboot". There isn't much that happens in this tournament in terms of lore, but Dantoinette becomes the Champion, which leads into Episode 11, which is where you'll be beginning. At that point in time, there are 8 different teams, which will be explained at the start of CPUK11.
Have fun!
106 notes · View notes
larrythefloridaman · 3 years ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
CPUK but I rhythm your games
164 notes · View notes
basalt-havic · 4 years ago
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Captain Valentine, beloved champion of @chongoblog‘s CPU Kerfuffle! Don’t die this finale, king <3
23 notes · View notes