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watchwweraw82817 · 7 years ago

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Watch WWE Raw 8/28/17

WWE Raw results, Aug. 28, 2017: Nia Jax spoils Alexa Bliss’ Raw Women’s Title victory celebration Alexa Bliss reclaimed the Raw Women’s Championship by defeating Sasha Banks on Raw, but her post-match celebration didn’t exactly go as "The Goddess" had planned. Also on Raw, John Cena and Roman Reigns had a heated war of words that must be heard to be believed! Raw Results : Quick Hits Jeff Hardy won a Battle Royal to become The Miz’s next challenger for the Intercontinental Championship Enzo Amore def. Noam Dar Universal Champion Brock Lesnar addressed Braun Strowman Cesaro def. Raw Tag Team Champion Seth Rollins Raw Tag Team Champion Dean Ambrose def. Sheamus Emma def. Mickie James John Cena and Roman Reigns made their WWE No Mercy match official John Cena & Roman Reigns def. Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson "Impressive" Pelvis Wesley confronted Elias Alexa Bliss def. Sasha Banks to become the new Raw Women’s Champion Raw Results : Full Details Jeff Hardy won a Battle Royal to become The Miz’s next challenger for the Intercontinental Championship facebooktwitter Tumblr Pinterest Email WWE Photo03:38 MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Last week, and again in Raw’s opening moments, The Miz laid out, in blistering detail, why the Intercontinental Champion should be given the same respect as the likes of John Cena and Roman Reigns. Well, ask and you shall receive. Raw General Manager Kurt Angle responded to The A-Lister’s latest tirade by assuring Miz that the Intercontinental Championship would be defended at WWE No Mercy and sanctioning an on-the-spot Battle Royal to determine a challenger for The Awesome One himself on next week's Raw. Battle Royal Luckily for Miz, Bray Wyatt showed up out of nowhere to eliminate the surging Finn Bálor down the stretch, leaving his henchmen Bo Dallas Curtis Axel a clear path against Jeff Hardy, Elias, and Angle's son, Jason Jordan. But after Jordan turned the tables and expelled both Elias and The Miztourage, The Charismatic Enigma tossed Jordan to win the contest. So, the good news is Miz is bound to get his spotlight. The bad news, at least for him, is who he’ll be sharing it with. Jeff Hardy looks to become a five-time Intercontinental Champion: WWE.com Exclusive, Aug. 28, 201700:49 Featured Superstars WWE Image Jeff Hardy WWE Image The Miz WWE Photo Finn Bálor WWE Photo Jason Jordan Elias Elias WWE Image Kurt Angle Bo Dallas Bo Dallas Curtis Axel Curtis Axel WWE Image Bray Wyatt Finn Bálor's rivalry with Bray Wyatt is far from over: WWE.com Exclusive, Aug. 28, 2017 Finn Bálor's rivalry with Bray Wyatt is far from over: WWE.com Exclusive, Aug. 28, 2017 The Miz demands respect from Raw General Manager Kurt Angle: Raw, Aug. 28, 2017 The Miz demands respect from Raw General Manager Kurt Angle: Raw, Aug. 28, 2017 Enzo Amore def. Noam Dar facebooktwitter Tumblr Pinterest Email Enzo Amore vs. Noam Dar: Raw, Aug. 28, 201702:08 The post-SummerSlam festivities last week were capped off by a true shocker in the closing moments of 205 Live, wherein Enzo Amore crashed the Cruiserweight division by staring down Neville, the reigining champion of the purple brand. This week, having officially made weight, Muscles Marinara made his official Team Purple debut, taking on Noam Dar in his maiden voyage into the Cruiserweight division. Enzo nearly got himself disqualified for excessive aggression, but he rallied back nonetheless, dispatching Dar outright to bring his Cruiserweight record to 1-0. In the backstage area, however, the ever-confident Neville seemed unimpressed with Amore’s successful debut or the challenge he posed. Safe to say The King of Cruiserweights isn't buying the hype just yet. Featured Superstars WWE Image Enzo Amore Noam Dar Noam Dar Enzo vs. Dar Photos: The Certified G looks to back up brash words in his Cruiserweight division debut Enzo Amore can do it all: Raw, Aug. 28, 2017 New Cruiserweight Enzo Amore has harsh words for Neville: Raw, Aug. 28, 2017 Enzo Amore has his official Cruiserweight weigh-in: WWE.com Exclusive, Aug. 28, 2017 Exclusive: Enzo Amore has his official Cruiserweight weigh-in Universal Champion Brock Lesnar addressed Braun Strowman facebooktwitter Tumblr Pinterest Email WWE Photo02:46 Last week, Braun Strowman was named as Brock Lesnar’s challenger for the Universal Title at WWE No Mercy. And lest you think that The Beast Incarnate forgot about Strowman putting him through two tables at SummerSlam (and brutalizing him once again the night after SummerSlam), rest assured that he did not. Lesnar, making a surprise appearance with Paul Heyman, even went so far as to snatch the mic from his advocate’s hands after Heyman’s latest sermon, sending a distinct, if brief, message to his challenger: “Suplex City, b****.” Brock Lesnar may be a man of few words, but he certainly makes them count. Lesnar & Heyman Featured Superstars WWE Image Brock Lesnar Braun Strowman Braun Strowman Paul Heyman Paul Heyman Braun Strowman attacks Universal Champion Brock Lesnar: Raw, Aug. 21, 2017 Braun Strowman manhandles Brock Lesnar in pursuit of the Universal Championship Cesaro def. Raw Tag Team Champion Seth Rollins facebooktwitter Tumblr Pinterest Email Seth Rollins vs. Cesaro: Raw, Aug. 28, 201703:17 Seth Rollins has been jaw-jacking with The Usos all weekend, but he and Dean Ambrose might have a far more present danger to worry about, as The Kingslayer fell to Cesaro in a singles match that pitted one-half of the Raw Tag Team Champions against one-half of the tandem they defeated to win the titles. And it’s all because of the other half of that tandem, as Sheamus forced Rollins to take his eye off the ball by swiping at the ropes while The Architect was preparing to fly. While Ambrose scrapped with The Celtic Warrior on the outside, Cesaro uncorked a home-run uppercut to Rollins that put him down for three. The only person who was happier than Cesaro about the win was Sheamus, who challenged Ambrose to a match on the spot. Featured Superstars Cesaro Cesaro WWE Photo Seth Rollins WWE Photo Dean Ambrose Sheamus Sheamus Rollins vs. Cesaro Photos: The Kingslayer goes toe-to-toe with The Swiss Cyborg Hype Bros vs. Usos Could Rollins & Ambrose head to The Uso Penitentiary? Raw Tag Team Champion Dean Ambrose def. Sheamus facebooktwitter Tumblr Pinterest Email Dean Ambrose vs. Sheamus: Raw, Aug. 28, 201703:30 It’s a split series for the current and former Raw Tag Team Champions, as Dean Ambrose knocked off Sheamus just moments after The Alabaster Gladiator’s impromptu challenge to The Lunatic Fringe. The Celctic Warrior was riding high after Cesaro scored a win over Seth Rollins, and The Lunatic Fringe quickly showed his foe that his eyes were bigger than his stomach. Through a series of impressive reversals (that tornado DDT!), some gritty perseverance through a banged-up back and an assist from Rollins — who bailed his partner out of White Noise behind the ref’s back — Ambrose planted Sheamus with Dirty Deeds for the 1-2-3. Featured Superstars WWE Photo Dean Ambrose Sheamus Sheamus WWE Photo Seth Rollins Cesaro Cesaro Cesaro & Sheamus on why Burger King sets "the bar": Raw, Aug. 28, 2017 Cesaro & Sheamus on why Burger King sets "the bar": Raw, Aug. 28, 2017 Ambrose vs. Sheamus Photos: Ambrose and Sheamus exchange haymakers in spontaneous singles bout Emma def. Mickie James facebooktwitter Tumblr Pinterest Email Mickie James vs. Emma: Raw, Aug. 28, 201701:51 Yet another confrontation between Emma and Mickie James led to a rematch of their competitive bout from a couple weeks back, this time with a unique stipulation: If Emma won, James would tweet anything Emma wanted. If James won, Emma could never claim to starting the Women’s Revolution ever again. The Australian Superstar seemed to have learned from her narrow loss because she defeated James in short order by stacking her up in a sunset flip. And, as per the wager, Emma grabbed a microphone, backed her way up the ramp and triumphantly claimed that she started the Women’s Revolution. Mickie didn’t seem too thrilled, but to the victor go the spoils. Featured Superstars WWE Image Emma WWE Image Nia Jax Emma on why Bayley and Sasha Banks should thank her: WWE.com Exclusive, Aug. 28, 2017 Emma on why Bayley and Sasha Banks should thank her: WWE.com Exclusive, Aug. 28, 2017 Mickie vs. Emma Photos: Emma gets another chance to prove herself against Mickie James John Cena and Roman Reigns made their WWE No Mercy match official facebooktwitter Tumblr Pinterest Email WWE Photo04:58 How do John Cena and Roman Reigns really feel about each other? Slated to do battle at WWE No Mercy, the two Superstars made their match official and tore each other to shreds on the microphone, with Cena knocking Reigns as a “protected,” “manufactured” knockoff of Cena himself. Reigns replied by labeling Cena as a “backstabbing shark” who maintains his position by holding down any young talent who might one day surpass him, while Cena got the last word by proclaiming he was only still around because Reigns hadn’t stepped up enough to take his spot and that he was a better “part-time” Superstar than Reigns was on a full-time schedule. The two managed to sheathe their fighting words long enough to put pen to paper, but the arrival of Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson, looking for an easy win against the two warring opponents, briefly forced them to side together for an impromptu tag team match. Cena & Reigns Featured Superstars WWE Photo John Cena WWE Photo Roman Reigns Luke Gallows Luke Gallows Karl Anderson Karl Anderson WWE Image Kurt Angle John Cena and Roman Reigns to go one-on-one at WWE No Mercy: WWE.com Exclusive, Aug. 28, 2017 Breaking: Cena and Reigns make their WWE No Mercy match official tonight John Cena & Roman Reigns def. Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson facebooktwitter Tumblr Pinterest Email WWE Photo John Cena and Roman Reigns made their WWE No Mercy bout official by putting pen to paper, but ironically, they might have some miles left in them as a tag team. No sooner had the two Superstars sealed the deal for their Sept. 24 dream match than Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson showed up, spoiling for a fight. Unsurprisingly, Cena & Reigns weren’t exactly a well-oiled machine when it came to team chemistry, and it was anyone’s guess as to whether they could even co-exist against the former Raw Tag Team Champions. As it turned out, they could. Reigns tagged in to bail Cena out of a bind, and the two ended up hitting a simultaneous Attitude Adjustment to Gallows and Spear to legal man Anderson to both win the match and, perhaps, give each other a taste of things to come. Featured Superstars WWE Photo John Cena WWE Photo Roman Reigns Luke Gallows Luke Gallows Karl Anderson Karl Anderson Cena & Reigns vs. Gallows & Anderson Photos: Cena and Reigns cautiously team up to battle common enemies John Cena & Roman Reigns vs. The Miz & Samoa Joe: Raw, Aug. 21, 2017 John Cena & Roman Reigns vs. The Miz & Samoa Joe: Raw, Aug. 21, 2017 "Impressive" Pelvis Wesley confronted Elias facebooktwitter Tumblr Pinterest Email Southpaw Regional Wrestling's "Impressive" Pelvis Wesley confronts Elias: Raw, Aug. 28, 201703:33 Elias might be the “Elvis of WWE," but don’t think for a second he runs things in Memphis, Tenn. Jerry “The King” Lawler interrupted Elias’ planned homage to Elvis Presley to introduce a local legend he thought could give Elias a run for his money: Southpaw Regional Wrestling veteran “Impressive” Pelvis Wesley. Unfortunately, Wesley didn’t stand much of a chance against Elias, who cut off his shaking, rattling and rolling with a boot to the gut and Drift Away in short order. Featured Superstars Elias Elias Jerry Lawler Jerry Lawler Wesley vs. Elias Photos: Worlds collide as Southpark Regional Wrestling crosses over with Raw Dan Bandana goes America all over Southpaw: Southpaw Regional Wrestling - Episode 2 Dan Bandana goes America all over Southpaw: Southpaw Regional Wrestling - Episode 2 Alexa Bliss def. Sasha Banks to become the new Raw Women’s Champion facebooktwitter Tumblr Pinterest Email WWE Photo The Brooklyn Curse may have been broken, but Sasha Banks fell victim to yet another bit of bad juju that has dogged her: losing the Raw Women’s Championship in her first defense. This time, Alexa Bliss dethroned The Boss in their SummerSlam rematch to become a two-time Raw Women’s Champion, though Bliss certainly isn’t about to saunter into the sunset unscathed. The Boss was firmly in control of the bout and well on her way to fulfilling a pre-match promise to make Little Miss Bliss tap out, despite having taken a couple of strong forearms to the face. But the wily Alexa bounced Sasha gullet-first off the top rope and planted her nemesis with a brutal DDT for the win. Sasha’s night wasn’t over, as Nia Jax made her way to the squared circle to congratulate Alexa before splashing The Boss in the corner and hoisting Alexa on her shoulders. That said, Alexa’s night wasn’t over either, as Nia backdropped Bliss off her shoulders and held the Raw Women’s Title over her head. Alexa might call that rude. But she should know, when it comes to the title, there’s no such thing.

#Watch WWE Raw 8/28/17

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larrythefloridaman · 1 year ago

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Rewatch notes, Dr. Order arc edition! My notes are getting longer and longer as the story gets denser. I fear what comes when we start hitting The Big Ones. Pray for me. These are just notes for 15 and gaiden 2, and this post will be updated as i make my way through.

CPUK15. goggle……………

Representing Calibur, Google, the green roy! Google being created from the base of Bing after she lost to him last tournament 'with Bing's weaknesses buffed out,' is established out the gate as a strong local theory. Comona believes in Google's potential, praising his pedigree and ability to analyze data and general knowledge base about combat, being that he's a search engine.

Cash Money, Instajennifer! Instajen is on a quest to become the biggest influencer on the planet, and film a sponsored makeup tutorial between her matches. Here to show up and show off. She will beat you to death and take a selfie with your corpse.

Team Cones, the Red Shadow. A funny prankster type. A greninja with the prankster ability. Puts whoopee cushions on benches and replaces sugar packets with salt and such.

Team Clutch, Alabaster Uppercut <3 funny punch man

Team Chonk, in his first solo debut since death, The Gruuuuuunk, back and better than ever! Comona: "im going to kiss home md on the mouth for bringing him back." Ryan: "its what he deserves."

Team Charm, described here as a team of positivity and niceness and such rather than the usual very explicit do-gooder description, represented by Prism. Hi prism. here to right crimson's wrongs :)

Team Cracken, Patchman! The pac is back. Man of the earth.

Team Cross, a celebration of all things crossover, today we have the one the only Miles Edgeworth. Or so he claims.

Exhibition match, Minecraft Steve vs. Therapuppy! Guess steve didnt get kicked out like i thought, forgot this match happened. I forgot a lot of exhibition matches. Therapuppy makes simple work of him.

TWOOOOOOO bamamas

Google vs. Prism. First match of the night. Comona thinks Prism has an edge in this match by her command of her lil creatures, but based on bing's performance and what hes heard about Goog being more reliable, Goog won't be going down without a fight. Prism lays down a LOT of damage very quickly but Goog takes first stock with a good edgeguard and dashdances on her for good measure. Commentators note Google is very different from bing in terms of combat behavior- strong reliable momentum and much less reliant on comeback factor. Google gets good damage on her and spikes her with a viciousness for the second stock before prism can even take his first. Google doesnt want to let you live past 70%. Prism manages to take it to last stock with some careful comboing. Google takes round one after a nailbiting match.

Ryan: "Spoiler Alert, can't wait for the round three." Comona: "you say that as though you know its already going to happen." Ryan, smugly: "hmmmmm."

They discuss how Google does his best taking stocks as early as possible, when he's fighting from a position where he doesn't have to be afraid to commit to an action, and so if Prism can survive until Google starts getting nervous, she can win. Prism has advantage on the second match stage, and makes quick work to combo him to death, dragging him down to last stock before she even has 50% on her second. Google is trying So hard to spike her and its not working. Prism baits google offstage at just the wrong time and he SDs, using up his jumps and upsmash trying to make it back up to the stage as it moves upwards away from them, Prism's squirtle able to make it back where he can't. The prophesied third round comes and Prism keeps firm control of the stage, losing one stock but taking all three of google's, the last stock with a vicious spike to match the one Google landed on her in their first match, sending Google to Loser's.

Alabaster vs. Red Shadow. Commentators comment on the big color theme going on at the moment. Ryan: "fortunately none of them are crimson specifically." Comona: "just regular ol red." Ryan: "just normal red. crimson is gone." lol. lmao. yeah he sure is

This match is so silly-goofy. Red Shadow a pride and joy of team cones with regard to getting funny with it. Goes stock for stock, until the Red Shadow dominates the last stock with a viciousness. Hes getting silly with it but he still doesn't want to lose to Al. Game 2 Alabaster is taking things more seriously too, the commentators plead with him to remeber who he is, to not lose sight of it, and hes doing good, aaaaaand he sds right on time for it to be a last stock situation. and then shortly after Al chokes again. Ryan: "now he's gonna have to fight Google in losers, thats not gonna be fun for him!" Lives are about to be changed 👍

Team Clutch and Team Cones are described as having an interesting specific sort of rivalry- Salt of the Earth training buffs and tricksy bitches.

The Gruuuuuunk vs. Patchman. Patchman is going to lose and the commentators know it. Grunk takes round one as predicted. Patchman did better than expected but the grunk cant be stopped. Patch manages to take first stock in the second round but, as predicted, the Grunk aint losing this one.

'Miles Edgeworth' vs. Instajennifer. Weird ass matchup. Commentators have nothing to say about it its weird. The commentators DO comment on how odd Miles' general willingness to scrap is. Comona comments on how weird it is that 'Edgeworth's' using some sword from the evidence room. Ryan points out how illegal that is "but its fine." Instajen is parrying for the clout. She was in the lead for a wild amount of time before 'miles' took it. Instajen's taunts are tiktok dances. 'Miles' is being Cruel in the second round. I do not know how jen took round 2 but it did piss 'edgeworth' off enough to threestock in round 3. Instajennifer #autopsyreport

Ryan: "I dont know if we're gonna have a fun character arc this week like we did last but we've got plenty of fun matches on hand regardless." He says during a break, immediately before Google vs Alabaster,

Google, a creation made to be perfect but already in losers bracket vs Alabaster, a guy who's never made it past 5th place but intends to make a name for himself regardless. Comona and Ryan discuss the idea of doing a 'worst of the worst' tournament featuring the most shameful, embarrassingly bad fighters immediately after introducing Al. Mean to him. Not wrong but mean to him. Anyway theres no faith in Al's chances against goog. Goog's peeved and has something to Prove. This desperateness to prove himself makes him easier to rattle, and Al does pretty damn good right up until google fucking Gets him at the end.

Comona says what ive been thinking since season one and forgot they said, that being. Again. Al is very strong hes just not up to par with insane battle freaks. Hes yamcha or tien or krillin hes good! Hes good as fuck! he just cant fucking keep up with superhumans! Hes a star member of team clutch not for his record, but for his spirit. Al takes stock one in round 2 with Pinball Variation. They're trading blows and it's all very anime. Al keeps a lead for a while in the second match until Google pinballs his ass right back and then takes his last stock at 200%.

Field report: Al laughs off his loss with a respectful thumbs up and starts to walks away. Google: "I don't GET IT. You always come back for more despite the fact you've never put up a performance befitting that of a competitor- what brings you BACK, alabaster uppercut?" Alabaster: "take a look around, google. Take a look around this great world we live in. Maybe then you'll see why I keep coming back." iconic moments in kerfuffle history. Comona's goog voice is so funny its so growly and anime-arrogant compared to what Holly does with him later that sticks, the whole 'a bit odd and softspoken but fiery' vibe he gets later

Google, starting to have his identity crisis: "do you think i was born yesterday?! I mean, it was last week, technically…" and then gets real quiet.

Patchman vs Instajen. Comona anticipates a long set. CPUK provides coca cola as refreshments to workers like the social media interns who are not allowed to leave their desk while a tournaments running. and if you want pepsi theyre giving you coke and you have to be okay with that. you have to. Patchman is described as one of the more particularly intelligent salt of the earth types here

Patchman dominates a bit first match but, instajen, always dedicated to style, after taking patch's first stock, almost zero-to-death's the second. Doesn't pull out a win though. Ryan: "I will point out that in this tournament every fighter except Alabaster Uppercut has won a game. F." Second match is pretty close and goes to instajen with a decisive stomp Ryan says her stans would be envious of. Third match goes pretty similar, sending patchman home downtrod and disappointed.

Corn is an instajen stan. and freaked out about her dad getting to meet her in bracket. funny to me.

Prism vs. The Red Shadow. :) prism is built different and is not intimidated by some romhack'd red greninja. Red shadow canonically laughs like tim curry pennywise. Prism fights vicious and red shadow struggles hard to find a kill. Prism wins match one and she's white woman smiling at a glaring Red Shadow. The Red Shadow is 3-stocked on Dracula's Castle and becomes The Prismatic Shadow, after Prism has a little conversation with him :)

Ryan: "he's joined the prism club." Comona: "yeah, prism has that effect on people. I wonder if this means he'll- not FULLY take a step back from, still team cones, right-? But try to keep the prankster mischief to more of the tactical use rather than trying to be tricky at every turn." Ryan: "less about being unexpected, and more about being unexpected EFFECTIVELY." Comona: "when you can expect the unexpected its not really unexpected anymore." :)

The Grunk vs. 'Miles Edgeworth!' Pikachu weight. Goes very very close, but the grunk keeps a strong lead until last stock of the first match where 'Miles' takes it. 'Miles Edgeworth' lives in northern crater. Ryan: "where was this sauce when we actually introduced sephiroth?" Comona: "maybe its because its red sephiroth?" Ryan: "maybe. its that crimson magic*. *not actual crimson." Next match progresses much more evenly, with miles taking the lead at stock two. The Grunk pulls out the win in the end though, as predicted, and does so for the last match as well.

Chat Member: "Miles was the prosecutor in the Grunk's murder trial before he got revived and he's salty because he didn't get paid because the trial was canceled when The Grunk came back." The commentators laugh and roll with it, canonizing it. Ryan: "and the defendant was just an interdimensional demon! Whatever." Okay I just want to pick this scenario apart for a second because holy god its so. Its just so. Every time i remember this and that the Grunk's death was an accident i lose it all over again. Captain Crimson just standing over the Grunk's crimson-melted corpse while Val and Crimson do that one scene from one tree hill people animate their morally bankrupt ocs to (crimson, realizing uncomfortably its taking a weirdly long time for the grunk to arise anew as a Cool Evil Corrupted Beast: "well. I guess he could be dead by now." While Valentine panics about a body in a soundstage, HIS SOUNDSTAGE,) in his head. Captain Crimson got dragged into detention and might've plead oopsie daisies. The Grunk presumably canceled his own murder trial and pursued no other charges??? Valentine is the only person in this scenario probably having a relatively normal emotional reaction to being made an accomplice to manslaughter because this whole thing is a goof and a bit. Valentine brings up very pointedly the grunk's own murder charges in cpuk23, presumably either shortly before or after learning they're all fictional characters given its around this time he starts more officially becoming a full part of staff and not just an event emcee, and is understandably Fucking Stunned by Grunk's 'wheres my trophy?' response. Crimson, who has known this is comedic fiction the whole time but doesn't tell anyone that because it would be 'more trouble than its worth', as of CPUK Orange, does not appear to understand why his manslaughter accomplice doesnt want to hang out anymore when he's like, pretty sure there were no LASTING consequences. its all, just SO MUCH,

'Miles edgeworth' vs. Google. Ryan: "imagine trying to sue google." Googles described as having kind of an introspective air about him, thinking on his conversation with Al. Google SD's first stock, and never quite gets the momentum going enough to manage more than one kill, 'miles' capitalizing on his distraction. Comona: "somethings fried his circuits a bit." Ryan: "somethings Up with google." Comona: "definitely not feeling the same as he was at the start."

Miles is taunting him. "Fool. You consider yourself to be an antagonary force? You're such a fool to think so- you don't even have the power to take down someone like myself! After all, who else have you lost against- that Prism fellow? Please. If you wish to be an antagonist, and see the world as truly dark, you have so much to go. Dr. Order created you to be the perfect being- and look at you. You're nothing. Trash." Google: "Listen… here, 'Miles.' I was made to be the Ultimate Fighter. I was made to win. But now I'm realizing- theres more to this than winning, theres more to this than kicking your ass! But thats not going to stop me!" And round 2 commences.

Comona: "are we even sure this is miles edgeworth-? I know he can be cold but-" this thought is interrupted by some Sick Plays. 'Miles' does some serious damage to goog, but goog takes first stock and Fast. 'Miles' takes it right back. Goog is getting fiery and 'Miles' stays cool under pressure. Ryan and Comona describe how quickly Goog's flipped from antagonism in his match with Al to more antiheroic behavior. The match is fast and frenetic and Google just barely survives offstage and manages to take 'Miles' last stock. 'Miles': "Finally acting like the competitor you're supposed to be." Goog is silent. They go to warioware. Goog demolishes the first stock. Miles Edgeworth has a bad history with elevators. Goog keeps a firm two-stock lead and completes the win. 'Miles,' after losing, pulls out a phone: "Doctor? The deed is done." And walks out.

Miles picked that stage. Miles Edgeworth Would Never Set Foot In An Elevator. Thats Not Edgeworth. Thats just sephiroth with a red coat.

Google shows a 'return to form' with that match, by the commentators observation.

Prismatic Shadow vs. Instajen. If instajen wins shes gotten farther than the person who three-stocked her. Instajen fumbles round one hard and shadow takes it. Instajen zero to deaths shadow for the first stock of round 2. Instajen's the kind of person that doesn't take flops hard, Instajen: "just make another post girl. Just make another post." Instajen pulls out a win for round two, taking it to game 3.

FUCK spectrum. Commentators are venting about the internet provider. Comona: "the only spectrum I care about is the spectrum of colors these fighters bring to the stage. Round three!" The shadow drops stocks way too early, and ultimately Jen takes it.

Prism vs. The Gruuuuuuunk, winners finals. The connection starts getting Crunchy and Prism loses her first stock Very early. Grunk bodyblocks her off the ledge to take stocks twice, and the third Prism loses all on her own as frames continue to drop. A chat member suggests shes throwing on purpose because she wants to meet Instajennifer in losers. Second Round is on Prism Tower, PURE homecourt pick, but to the Grunk, Everywhere is home, and it doesnt take long before he crushes Prism's first stock. Prism takes the lead before last stock, but again as the frames are dropping, she fails to recover. She do be performing worse when the connection is weak. 15 is sliced into two vods due to technical difficulties.

Ryan: "spectrum iiiis dead. im killing spectrum personally, actually. Spectrum is the final boss of CPU Kerfuffle. The crimson is spectrum." All of these statements are hilarious in their own ways with time

Google vs. Instajennifer! Insta fumbles round one pretty hard. Ryan: "round one goes to google in a heartbeat of a match! I dont know what that means." Chat suggests the stage was bad for jen because it was a bad environment for selfies and such. Round 2 gets off to a better start for Jen, the two of them dancing around eachother and Jen landing her smash attacks much better, and this match looks considerably more even, but goog still takes it, beating Insta 2-0. She takes one more selfie in front of the stadium and makes her exit.

Goog vs. Prism- the runback. Google doesn't do too hot against Prism's charizard in particular, losing two stocks before taking one of hers. Google's so off his game at this point and cannot seem to find an opening against her. Prism seems to favor her Charizard, Fuschia, somewhat, throwing out flare blitzes like candy, taking first match. Goog's composure between his and Prism's first set and the runback has changed dramatically- the first angry, standoffish, but this time, he's laughing off his loss. Chat Member: "hes reading the results page for how to beat Prism."

Prism keeps a lead on Goog throughout their second match as well. Ryan: "if im google, im going in on this second match. Granted, I'm not Google. Maybe he knows something I dont." :)

Google, slowly standing up after getting 2-0'd by Prism: "...huh. Thanks Alabaster." And he walks out. Ryan: "not sure how well thats gonna go over with Dr. Order, but I guess we'll see."

Grand Finals! Grunk vs. Prism again. Ryan points out how hard Prism threw in their last match, so anything's possible here. He suggests that maybe the reason she threw was wanting to see google again for some reason, but he's not sure. She sure did take both his sets.

Squid Jenny's investigation of 'miles edgeworth's' identity is still ongoing, but its looking like he IS in fact sephiroth from sephiroth- and while saying this ryan gets a dm from sephiroth asking if there's a purpose for followers only chat.

Grunk and Prism on Pictochat, Prism loses first stock before the Grunk even has 40% and Prism's Ivysaur comes charging out in defense of their funny turtle friend. Perhaps Prism's pokemon do have personalities and feelings and such; she just ignores them because they're tools and extensions of her as a fighter. Would make sense. Prism manages to put damage on the grunk fast enough to take his first stock before he puts much on her second, but the Grunk takes her second stock with a viciousness and her third with a footstool.

Thank you Sephiroth For The Follow!

Round 2: Pokemon Stadium. Funny lizart fight. Grunk SDs, but takes Prism's first stock right back pretty quickly. They scrap, Fuschia and Grunk fuckin. Beam struggle with their fire breath before Prism finishes Grunk's second stock with a flare blitz. Last stock is pretty even right up until Prism pulls out Viridian and Grunk sends her straight to hell. The Grunk is our First Place Winner of CPUK 15! The Grunk's feeling the thrill for combat is extra special now after he spent a bit being dead. The Grunk only lost one match the whole tournament to miles. came back Strong.

Title Match! Ryan: "imagine dying and coming back just to become champion. Absolute zombie madman. Love him." Grunk vs. Captain Valentine! All things considered? Pretty awkward. There is no comment made on it before match start, however. Capn Val always a people pleaser, keeps it stylish, keeps it even, keeps it a show. Ryan: "I wonder if Captain Valentine's ever faced the Grunk- back when he was Captain Crimson, I know, but I wonder if any of those memories were retained from the experience." Does that happen? Does getting possessed by Crimson fuck with your memory? Do crimson'd bitches got partial amnesia? It doesn't seem like it with his other hosts, and Val's characterized later as just. Really Not Wanting To Talk About It with regard to the whole Crimson debacle so it honestly wouldnt stun me if he lied about not having much memory of the whole ordeal to. Again. Avoid Talking About It.

Last stock situation. Chat: "Wasn't Val kinda the one to kill him?" Ryan: "well, it was the crimson specifically, not sure if he was the one it was possessing at the time but it was, again, the Crimson specifically." Huh. I guess mayhaps Val Could've been the one in control of his body when appraising the potential candidates for moving forward with the distaste for ICEE and Dadondorf, while Crimson himself was off elsewhere doing a Corruption, in theory. when he's not in crimsonaut specifically and healthy enough to manifest physically he Can operate separate from a host, after all. Buuuuuut, the Grunk seems to be not particularly happy with or fond of Val- described as being particularly irritated with his loss to Val in this championship match but walking off reminding himself that 'at least hes not Dead this time,' which i think is. Strong enough evidence for me that Val was Physically Present for and Part Of that interaction. oofa doofa

After a chat member asks Ryan to stall for time while they finish their fanart, ryan pulls up a grudge match he'd meant to do earlier and forgotten- Outside the arena. Squid Jenny's catching a live feed. Google shouts for someone to come out, because he knows they're watching. And, out from a bush, Dr. Order appears. Order, who apparently either wasn't watching or is checking to see if he'll lie: "so. did you succeed?" Google, laughing: "you think it's all about winning, huh?" Order: "you were supposed to win the tournament and become the champion." Google: "yeah, well, I didn't. What the hell are you gonna do about it?" And so the match begins. Order takes first stock and Fast, but google puts on damage real fast too, uppercutting her AND sending her soccer ball back at her at the same time for a very funny series of hits. funny ball classic.

Goog takes her second stock before she can take his, but she takes it to even last stocks shortly after, but Order cant put damage on as fast as goog does and takes it. Google: "I'm done with you." Order: "Good! I don't want losers on my side." And the live feed cuts. Ryan: "soooooo. Google might need therapy. But that's okay, that's what therapuppy's for."

Its gaiden time bitch!!!! This ones gonna be fuuuuuun to make notes for what with the whole point of Gaidens being expanding on The Lore.

Order offered Comona a pastrami bagel sandwich from the 'concession stand' (the fridge.) Ryan Does Not Trust The Food Here. They're recording live from the labordertory for, not a kerfuffle proper, but an inhouse tournament. The commentators were invited both to keep things entertaining, and show off her fearsome creations to the world.

Ryan: "Dr. Order's got one goal- well, a lot of goals but the main thing right now is that she wants to create the ultimate fighter, a being capable of winning CPU Kerfuffle." 16 person single elimination tournament, because Order's got a lot of bastards to evaluate and she doesn't tolerate losers. She wouldn't let her champion be someone who'd proven themself capable of failing.

Order, in order to set up this tournament, set off a 'biological amber alert,' placed in every one of her creations' bodies that recalls them to the lab. Ryan: "not ALL of the creations answered the call to come back- if you recall google from last tournament, he isn't here- but there are other creations who didn't bother to come back due to, y'know, just general dislike." This is one of those little lore bits thats so fucked up. So fucked up. Dr. Order can and will just ping a fucker's brain. Imagine being traumatized by a fucked up science lady and finding out she can just ping your Fucking Brain whenever she wants. No ignoring her! No pretending she can't hurt you anymore! She's in your Fucking Brain Now! Between this and things like the nccts' remotely triggered perfect spriteman transformation and Larry and J0hn's whole Bit. 'someone has done something to your body. A violation. A permanent damage. You might have agreed to it in theory, you might not have, but it doesn't matter. it wasn't supposed to be like this, and either way, things will never be the same. you don't have the same control over it anymore. All you can do is manage what comes in the aftermath.' hits. sci-fi flavored medical malpractice trauma

Also between this ping system and Quad's fucking bio-signature radar shit for finding her that led him to susan (which her other creations potentially also have, assuming theyre not One And The Same Function, given Larry's vague comment of 'also getting the vibes' from Susan when Quad and the tests came back positive for a match, the arrogance is on full display. Woman with SO many experiments that hate her: 'i will give them all an innate radar for finding their all-important creator. Surely they will not ultimately unionize and kill me' its more shocking that they mostly didnt than if they would have. Im not even ten minutes into this episode,

First up- the Dimensional Bus. Jay usually takes it to get here for commentating, being from another dimension and all, but he's not here because the bus is busy with this. Chat member: "is this just the magic school bus?" Ryan: "kind of, it is a living, breathing bus, except this one can go between dimensions while that one could only really go through Arnold."

Returning fighter, Dan in his miserable new job as a lab assistant! Allegedly got fired from his ICEE job because he uppercutted an ICEE machine and busted it, so now hes here. People's champ!

Another returning fighter and fan favorite, Machiavelli! He was excited for this! His first tournament was so fun!!! He's excited for this!

Mach 2! A supposed evolution upon Machiavelli's floorplan, created as a backup in case Machiavelli ever defected, and, due to this and how beloved Machi is, (and by design, as we later learn when CPUK Orange rolls around,) Mach 2 has developed a bit of an inferiority complex and intends to prove himself the better of the two. According to the submission, not exactly a clone of machiavelli, but made from the same core genetic base but with alterations, taking loose inspiration for the shape of him somewhat from Machi's friendship with genfour, previously genwun, hence the pokemon-ish appearance. I think Mach 2 brought this up in 23, i don't remember the exact words but I recall him taking offense to the label of Clone and going 'im not a clone! Im not a clone! I read my file Im Not A Clone!'

Perfect Spriteman! The commentators were surprised to learn Spriteman's new and dreadful form had been the Doctor's doing. He has been a plant for months please god someone help him

Winston Overwatch fell from the moon and got taken in by Dr. Order in exchange for his collaboration and Winston's fine with this as long as he gets some ankles out of the deal. Winston, audibly smiling: "Im only going to be using my ultimate in this game! Because Im Mad As Fuck!" His guns and such are not allowed in the lab because Dr. O doesn't trust him not to break anything.

Google Plus. She just made another one. partly out of spite, partly just to even her roster back out after his defection, with what she deemed Google's biggest flaws removed. 'It doesnt feel, think, or grow- just a series of if-then statements that does nothing of its own volition.' Ryan: "I think Order's goal here is to just. Not get the shit beaten out of her by a web browser anime boy gijinka this time." Comona: "never again." Ryan: "I mean. We'll see what happens."

Hackerbot J0hn! Ryan talks about j0hn like a fully robotic, fully artificial guy who can just disguise as being realistically human if so desired for much of this episode, although this is later determined not to be the case. Dr. Order's primary goal in modifying john was apparently exactly what was technically achieved- to create a machine that appears human in every way- finding means of emulating emotion and appearance and everything through machinery- and is capable of modifying and improving upon itself. she just apparently achieved this by extensively cyborg-ing a hacker and roboticist who already knew how to do that stuff to other robots. with ryan later implying she did very little to ensure his survival of the process of getting cyborg'd, and how her creations keep wising up and ditching her, boy howdy j0hn really was just a trial run in every way for her. She was a total lamo to j0hn's entire body indeed. With how much monitoring she did of all her creations and the tournament overall, I wonder if she ever attempted to plagiarize any of j0hn's self-modification or did he and larry rip the spyware type shit out of themselves first and foremost. Could larry even safely remove that stuff given hes much more uh. Flesh-y? questions questions questions.

Anyway. j0hn can in fact switch freely between -bot and -man form without issue so again, the sweating and discomfort described from his intro ep switch is Interesting, especially considering other instances of what can be retroactively ascribed to some level of script-awareness.

My Grunk! Its zombie! Mean-spirited parody of Home's revival of the grunk. Comona: "not only poorly executed, but tasteless!" Ryan: "yeah, dr. order, wheres your ethics? Your Hip Of Cratic Oath?"

Subzero Amalgam- this one was just order fucking around. She was curious about the experience of sustained extreme cold, and so she made a guy who is always extremely fucking cold. She, apparently, just found other uses for him and his nature later. Its interesting to me that subzero is one of the doctors' only creations that remains loyal to her and probably the only one that remained loyal that isn't being naive as of the nccts and is also one of the only ones that wasn't made with a particularly restrictive goal in mind- he was made to be cold. Hes cold. Hes succeeded by nature of birth and cannot fail her because that was all he was meant for in the first place, everything else is just a bonus.

The Carrot Collective! Was supposed to be an olimar. lol. According to the submission information, a psychic hivemind of carrots grown by patch farms in collaboration with Dr. Order. Each individual body's life is very short, but more sprout up to replace them and the collective mind lives on unaffected. The fighter bodies we see are little mechas the carrots pilot for smash purposes because its difficult to have a traditional and fair 3-stock game against an army of regeneratively immortal psychic carrots. Likes to be called C.C. for short.

Crimsonaut. Little guy!!! Beloved!!! Dr. Order launched this little dude into The Crimson (location) to research it's nature and he came back from that little expedition Perfectly Fine, aside from some very permanently dyed gear. Totally uncontaminated otherwise, he was carefully screened upon his return. (lol. lmao.) Does have a bit of a personal bone to pick with the doctor due to the overall inhumane and scary nature of said forced research trip, though. The carrots like him, so some of them have a tendency to follow him around too.

Zapmouse! Angy rat that hates the doctor so so so much. so so so so so so so much. Dr. Order subjected him to Fuckt Up Experimence and he showed up to the tournament looking for an opportunity for revenge.

Nuke Suit! Somewhat unstable robot suit powered thoroughly by nuclear energy.

Recon Riley! Dr. Order's intel specialist, modified for stealth and acting as her spy on kerfuffle since the tournaments started. If Dr. O needed to know something about any given fighter, Riley's on the job. Genderfluid and uses any pronouns interchangeably.

There was one last open position that the doctor expected someone to arrive to fill- specifically Not google- but they never showed up, and so Sephiroth stepped into that empty placement in the Doctor's tournament. Think the implication with the twist grudge match at the end of this gaiden is that this spot was meant for Larry.

Dr. Order and Sephiroth fight for the exhibition. Sephiroth takes the win as expected.

First match- My Grunk vs. The Carrot Collective! Ryan: "I think Dr. Order's operating on a misled hypothesis- I think she thinks what's made The Grunk so strong is being brought back from the dead, but i think its more complicated than that. the grunk has a spirit that doesn't really… translate. My Grunk is very Zombielike. No life in him. No spirit. Now the carrot collective? I see spirit there." funny

My Grunk struggles with KOs, a single carrot surviving to almost 200% on first stock. Ryan: "My Grunk being this archetype of character requires a lot of micromanaging and planning the original grunk was not slowed down by. The Grunk was not and did not need to be… cunning." Comona: "theres a difference between a natural raw fighting instinct and battling with a spartan mind. and the grunk is not the latter." The match keeps close, but the carrots take it. Ryan has to fix the overlay and almost accidentally puts captain crimson in trying to put up the carrots. Comona: "that man is never allowed back in here again. That man is banned. From Life, even."

Chat member: "dr. order is just recording everything you guys say commentating, are y'all like… okay with that?" Ryan: "shes been monitoring everything thus far already and she hasn't gotten anything from our commentating so far, I don't see what difference it makes." Comona: "we broadcast on public channels, the information's already out there regardless." Ryan: "its about as much our fault as anybody's." sure bud.

Grunk WOULD play minceraft. But not hardcore mode he'd last all of seven minutes

My Grunk manages to take it to a game 3, munching on some nerfed meat. Comona: "NEVER NERF GRUNK'S MEAT!" Ryan: "I had a bit of discussion with Dr. Order about the Carrot Collective- we dont know a lot about these fighters, a lot of these guys are new- and while my grunk is pretty self-explanatory, just kind of mindless, yknow, like a zombie, Carrot Collective actually, is a collaborative effort with patch farms and is a relative to Corn on the Cob and the like." Comona: "I like that, its nice." Ryan: "just a nice little happy family!"

The carrots have a very funny SD and do not successfully climb out of the deficit it puts them in, and theyre first out of the tournament to the commentators and chat's disappointment. Dr. Order mentions disinterestedly the Collective's interest in joining up with Team Craken, so its not like they're going away. Ryan almost gave the win to the carrots by accident and the commentators reassure us that they would Never alter the results of a tournament in their own interest because theyre a respectable, upstanding establishment. Somewhere plum sneezes

Round 2, the unstable nuclear suit, vs. Machiavelli! Comona: "a lot of people arent gonna want to fight that, theyre gonna be like 'oh no, i dont know, what if something goes wrong-' Machiavelli does not care about that." Ryan: "Machiavelli's here to have a good time even if that means endangering everyone." Machiavelli LOVES to smash nuclear weaponry with comically oversized looney tunes mallet

Nuke suit was designed for anti-air capabilities and Machi loves to float, so round one is mostly a learning experience. I wonder how, with how order is, that Machi's so thoroughly decided 'fighting is for having fun and playing <3' moreso than winning. particularly in ncct 1 that interaction where they excitedly say they think larry's closer to the ultimate fighter because he's so versatile, 'shifty all the time!' even though he lost, and all.

Machi does a silly little happy dance when he takes nuke suits second stock in the second match. Machi's playing baseballs with Rockets. Machi, lets nuke suit take it to last stock for fun, for the Excitement, and eats a 2-0 for it. Nuke suit moves on. Order doesnt particularly react to this, just keeping a close eye on the nuke suit's instability. Machi and the Carrots leave to hang out in the lab's breakroom.

Zapmouse vs Winston Overwatch. A haunted rat in a haunted lab, seeking the most violent sort of revenge… and a funny monkey also. Winston wants to use zapmouse like a gun and zapmouse is Not Having It. Zapmouse plays careful and smart and gets a solid damage lead at the start in the first match but unfortunately, his opponent is A Fucking Gorilla. Zapmouse prevents a 3 stock but Winston wins handily. Winston has made an enemy today. Second match is much more even. Zapmouse loves zapping people off ledges. Winston swats him like a fly for last stock, winning 2-0. Zapmouse wanders off snarling.

Sephiroth taking the absentee spot and subzero amalgam is introed with Hey Ya- WHATS COOLER, THAN BEING COOL. Ryan: "so, we dont really know much about subzero amalgam personality-wise, but we do know subzero was only made to make a guy that knows what itd be like to be very very cold. So judging from that I cant imagine subzero's a very big fan of doctor order." Comona: "Subzero's actually so cold, its vocal box doesn't work properly, so it all just comes out as beeps. If Subzero was able to be warmer he would sound like a relatively normal man." nccts said 'lol. lmao. subzero's actually one of her only creations thats loyal to her still and is probably one of the most eloquent of them all when those beeps are translated <3'

Puzz asks in chat if subzero amalgam has any connection to ICEE and ryan says ICEE might be willing to eat him if you artificially flavored him. if he weren't sentient making that effectively cannibalism, of course. but there's no connection. awesome

Commentators keep ascribing a deathwish to subzero due to the horrors of being cruelly made just to be so very VERY cold. Subzero loses and Ryan says subzero's mostly just upset he isn't dead yet. Also that Subzero and Zapmouse are suffering buddies. Subzero left pretty much immediately after losing 2-0 to sephiroth, wandering off for whatever reason.

Spriteman vs. Hackerbot J0hn! Comona praises J0hn and Spriteman's professionalism, and Ryan says the report from the field is that J0hn will swap back to human form if bot form proves disadvantageous. It proves disadvantageous. Perfect Spriteman is vicious and playing honest with the projectiles is NOT helping, and Bot form is going in his pocket for now as we get a scene, heard through the Copious Amount of Recording Equipment in the lab, Because the Dr. Is A Freak About It. J0hn: "you… you bastard. You used to be just like me- what happened? Why did you abandon who you were?" Perfect Spriteman, trying to speak and failing: "sprite… sprite…" J0hn, clearly disturbed: "....what the Fuck? Okay??? Alright??? I mean I went with this form because I was expecting a pushover, but maybe I was wrong. Let's do this motherfucker."

Comona speculates Dr. Order doesn't really like or want J0hn hanging around the lab in -Man form because that hacking sword is Worrying for her. Also suggests J0hn can hack opponent's minds to read for what they're going to try next, which... thats an application of script awareness/sensitivity ive wondered about before- if you can read the script and someone's current thoughts are important enough to get logged in it wouldnt that make you effectively Slightly, Incidentally capable of reading minds, if only usually for the Narratively Important ™️ bits, and communication over the script in a telepathy-like form is smthn that happens a few times during the nccts between people capable of percieving and manipulating it, particularly cosmic with the other non-cobalt gods. Certain workings of the script appearing to function like supernatural psychic phenomena to the unknowing eye. Chartreuse and Crimson have had unsecured script-based twin telepathy and known they were fictional characters since they were like. born probably. and just. never directly told or explained any of this to cobalt ever and still havent. Im rambling this tangent's barely relevant to the gaiden at hand

J0hn takes first stock with an effective usage of glass cannon protocol (smash art.) Sprite is dissolving the plant's brain and he is playing DUMB this match, j0hn taking it to a round 3.

Perfect Spriteman is just gasping and sputtering 'sp-sprite…' and J0hn looks on. "Jesus Christ, what'd Doctor Order do to you…? Looks like I gotta get you back to the way you used to be, my man." Ryan sets the rule as: if J0hn wins with two stocks or more, spriteman will be cured. J0hn is decidedly doing considerably better in -man form, but alas Spriteman is still a vicious battle freak. J0hn, after losing: "wish the best for ya, my man. If you ever feel like coming back to reality, I'll be right here for ya."

Crimsonaut vs Google Plus! Crimsonaut described as being of a nervous disposition, but again, Ticked Off about Dr. Order abandoning him in an alternate evil dimension that he 'barely made it out of with his life' and Google Plus as not really… having a personality yet. Just if/then statements. Crimsonaut, to Dr. Order and about Google Plus: "I want to destroy you, and everything you stand for, and I'll start with your little pet project here!" Considering the slimey hiss of a voice Comona gives him here and how Crimsonaut stands guard during the raid and how Crimson attempted a coup in the bad timeline and calls the doctor a freak when orange rolls around this bit is fun. This bit is fun.

Their first match has Plus in the lead to start with, but Crimsonaut evens out the damage and although plus takes first stock, Crimsonaut takes them back to even shortly after. However, an unfortunate offstage fumble Plus takes advantage of costs the little man an early second stock, Plus having a little throwback to Bing in terms of enjoying those offstage dunks. Crimsonaut takes it to a close last stock anyway with a lot of careful play, but Plus takes it. Ryan: "Crimsonaut's been working with the Doctor for a long time. if you trust a guy to take your stuff into a different dimension you probably trust them with a lot- he's probably been familiar with her if/then programming pretty long, granted he's been away for a while now, but he still knows her style."

Crimsonaut embarrassingly early first stock in round 2 😔 but crimsonauts got good momentum and puts enough damage on fast enough to even things out again. Plus appears to begin… malfunctioning somewhat. Having some weird reactions intermittently. The match goes down to last stock, evenly high damage playing ledge games until Plus throws out an illogical move that Works, taking Crimsonaut's last stock and winning 2-0. Comona: "i hate to bring this up, but… d'ya think google's gotten into Google Plus's head? That didnt seem like an if/then scenario." Ryan describes Dr. Order looking worried about the situation unfolding and covering the window she's watching the combat from when she noticed him looking. Ryan looks at Orders cybersecurity monitoring setup and can't See any outside influence causing the apparent disruption, but he's not sure, they'll have to wait and see. Comona describes how if they were Order, they'd be keeping a close eye on their creations because yet another rogue element could be dangerous for her.

The Dimensional Bus who abandoned Jay at the station, vs Mach 2! Mach 2 is mentally locked on doing better than his predecessor, who got out round one, by taking this chance and kicking the bus's ass. The Dimensional Bus was with Crimsonaut when they ventured into the Crimson and made it out just fine. Unclear if this means the Bus was stranded with Crimsonaut and came back with him or ditched him there by himself at some point to return to its job of ferrying people between worlds, but the latter seems more likely as it sounds like Crimsonaut only got back really recently and the bus was In Use in previous episodes. The Bus was also thoroughly screened for Crimson contamination and came back clean, but considering Crimsonaut smuggled Crimson in unnoticed through the same screening process, the only reason I trust that is because Dan beats the hell out of the Bus later and not a thing comes of it crimson-ways.

Mach 2 takes round one, but in round 2 as the commentators completely fail to pay attention to the match discussing music tastes instead, he does markedly worse, feeling even more inferior that the people being paid to be here to commentate on his fight could not give a shit less because theyre more concerned with talking about Nickelback. Pour one out for Mach 2's round 2, run over by the vengabus.

Round 3 opens STRONG with mach 2 footstooling the bus into a pit, but the bus takes mach 2's first stock and pineapples him for the second, creating a reversal of the lead that mach 2 cannot climb out of the pit of. Mach 2's absolute nightmare scenario. He loses.

Mach 2, very upset, calls out Machi to come settle a score. Machi: "Okay! :D" its grudge match time! Comona: "I know this is probably a fairly even match but i can't help but get like, yamcha vs. the saibamen vibes." Ryan: "yeah, mach 2's about to get yamcha'd." Chat member: "vegeta level complex, yamcha level winstreak." The match IS actually quite even, although Machi keeps at least a small lead the whole time. Machi, in his littol baby voice as he closes last stock: "nothing personal, Mach 2!" and teleports behind him kicking him into the blast zone. Mach 2 is left facedown in a crater yamcha posed while Machi gives his limp, motionless body a hug before walking off.

Chat member asks if mach 2's like, actually dead and ryan clarifies no, he doesn't like killing off characters for anything less than big stakes and even then he brought the grunk back, they didnt even kill crimson really, just banished him. Chat Member: "except light pit." Ryan: "oh SHIT i forgot, light pit DID get canonically killed by palutena."

Lab Intern Dan vs Recon Riley! Ryan intros Riley with a homestuck reference. Recon Riley is the ninja, the secret agent, the silent watcher thats so hard to come to terms with the presence of this whole time due to their skill in moving unnoticed and untouched. Dan and Riley are both employees here, but Riley's the one with the status, that actually gets to sit at the meetings that Dan brings coffee to. Comona: "Dan's not an avaricious man, but he probably thinks 'man, it'd be cool to be the one that gets a seat at the table.'" Riley is stated to be genderfluid here because Ryan noticed he was playing fast and loose with the pronouns in regard to them so hes deciding thats because she uses any/all of 'em.

Despite TWO self-destructs from fumbled kill attempts, Dan takes Riley to last stock, and then he SDs again. dan's said to put so much time into 9-5ing that he has almost no time for doing or practicing things he actually enjoys. Feel that buddy 😔 Riley's only real combat strength is being a mosquito. Being fast and hard to hit and unmerciful. But that wont help when dan has the Giant Fist. Get uppercut'd nerd its game 3 time. After that uppercut kill dan's feeling CONFIDENT and he gets out to a strong strong lead. As things go to last stock and dan has a dramatic damage lead, Riley's only beginning to panic about losing to the rank and file employee right as its about to happen, and Dan socks riley with a jab for last stock

My Grunk vs Nuke Suit! Comona praises that nuke suit is just a learning combat ai suit with no sentience at all whatsoever and that's what Dr. Order's stuff works best as. Ryan reminds that Nuke Suit is potentially very dangerous due to its nuclear nature, and also compares its robotic nature to Google Plus's. First match between these two- if you get distracted for even a moment you will miss nuke suit losing its first two stocks. My Grunk takes it. Nuke Suit shifts to what the commentators call an 'unstable form.' Ryan: "my grunk? Sweetie? Be Careful."

My Grunk, immediately: (makes a dick shaped dirt sculpture between bullying nuke suit with fire, trying to blow it up with dynamite and taking apart a plane with his bare hands)

Commentators start considering evacuating the building before getting messaged by J0hn that they can relax, nothings gonna blow up the nuke suit's full of shit. He was monitoring the situation and it was just in Intimidation Mode, using the appearance of instability to try to get an edge in combat by making its opponent panic. Dr. Order: bad person, interesting ideas!

Sephiroth vs Winston Overwatch. Sephiroth hates this fucking ape and wants to prove he can get further than midway into a tournament. Winston yeets sephiroth's twink ass like an empty can for the first stock and its VERY funny. Most of this first game is vine jokes, match commentary and very silly kills. Funny Monkey GETS him. Round 2 is more in sephiroth's favor, and a lot of the commentators begging for winston to fucking GET him with the funny donkey punch in his very punchable face. Winston ALMOST reverse 3-stocks. but sephiroth HAD to rob us of it. Sephiroth: "how could you take me to my limit?!" Winston: "Hehe, hi there, im a funny monkey." Sephiroth, responding to the audience: "...how do they know… about the weights in my shirt?" And goes shirtless. Winston wonders what he'd look like with pink hair (due to a silly skin misclick), completely disengaged from the anime dramatics.

Sephiroth: "This Is More Of A Tits Out Kind Of Look." Chat Member: "sephiroth now weighs as much as a pichu." Winston overwatch sends him straight to hell with a stomp. Hell is said to be in paris but i think this is just ryan making an overwatch map joke in context. This being said it would be very funny. Sephiroth wins with his shirt off in an electrically close down to the wire match. Winston then immediately raids Dr. Order's breakroom for its stock of peanut butter and immediately dips. Ryan: "respect the grift, my man." Winston overwatch becomes accomplice to war criminal for some fucking peanut butter

Spriteman vs. Google Plus! Spriteman's still lost in that sauce called sprite. Perfect Spriteman takes advantage of Plus's general predictability to read him again and again. Google Plus is still behaving a bit erratically- possibly due to outside interference, possibly not, it's unclear yet, but it could be contributing to why Plus is losing here. Ryan: "both of these people are… very very damaged by Doctor Order and need to come to terms with it- Plus being entrenched in pure objectivism and Perfect Spriteman is just all about… obsession." I know what ryan Meant here but hearing 'Google Plus is into objectivism' took a year off my life never imply Plus reads ayn rand ever again even on accident please and thanks (lighthearted)

After losing to Spriteman and after certain weird aspects of his match with Crimsonaut, Plus questions the effectiveness of the if/then logic format he's been acting based on due to it returning inconsistent results despite being based on consistent reasoning, and decides to reformat his thought processes and seize control, 'becoming sentient' in his words. He just sort of decided "ok this isnt working perfectly 100% of the time. ergo clearly i have to be at least enough of a person to figure out what actually DOES work.' Doesnt make him do any better fighting perfect spriteman in though. Plus checks his database for what to do about failure, finds nothing, decides next action based on newly acquired 'sentience' and wipes both his queries and an unnamed External Force from mind and demands a battle with the Doctor.

Doctor Order's head is in her hands. She doesn't know why this keeps happening. (My money's on 'cant make a thing Detect spectrum if it cant understand what spectrum is at the baseline, that being art and connection, something that requires complex nonliteral thought and the ability to process communication and emotion to thoroughly get. Not to Philosophy of Art but elephants can slap abstract strokes of paint on a canvas and AI can recombine assets to make a new image but far as im concerned without communication and interpretation its not really anything grander than the blunt sum of its parts by itself, and while you can interpret both those examples if you feel like it you cant feel a communication of intent bc to an elephant the paintbrush might as well be a stick with mud on it thats fun to smear on things and to an ai its just data because it doesnt Think like we do. There isn't the same Artistic Intent in the action because it couldn't begin to process art the same way we do. We can make it art through interpretation but it was not created with intent of making art by what made it, even if the zookeepers and the users of the AI or the people who had their data scraped to train it had artful intentions, because art is a Human Thing, so there is something always just. Missing. anyway.) Plus is kicking her ass. Stop making animeboy web browsers. You only have yourself to blame doc.

There's the suggestion made in this episode that maybe there's something special about Bing thats lead to Goog and Plus's awareness, but honestly Especially in hindsight i don't buy it he's just a guy to me. No amount of Technique (nccts) can convince me otherwise. I think Bing could do that where Dani couldn't because he is simultaneously so relevant (by extension of goog and now dani) and irrelevant that he could both enter the void and not be claimed by it and no other reason. I think making him special is unnecessary and would be distracting, although he'd probably disagree with me. The idea that goog and mac have to be made from someone special to be special is rey palpatine logic to me

Comona: "i think that Google Plus playing reactively now instead of distracting himself trying to process a bunch of different scenarios all at once bodes well for the mechanical being that he is." Ryan: "yeah, for a guy made of flowcharts hes reacting very well, abandoning the flowcharts is probably the best decision hes made." Doctor Order loses to an uptilt and goes back to her viewing box grumbling irritably about it happening again, and snaps that it doesnt matter, Plus might not have emotions or whatever but he still lost the tournament, so if he wants to leave then go AHEAD, because she won't be using him anyway. Plus: "Victory achieved. Seeking further victory." And marches out of the lab to go pick some fights like an unbothered king

Dan vs The Dimensional Bus! Dan can, should, must and WILL demolish a FUCKING bus. He did get tazed in the ass in the process but its fine its fine its fine. Dan prints out memes and puts them on the fridge in the breakroom and is also good as fuck at peggle. Thoroughly destroyed that fuckin bus in both rounds. Ryan: "if you told me at the start of this tournament that dan would be in top 4 i would have laughed you out of the room."

My Grunk vs. Sephiroth. Sephiroth fought grunk proper last tournament so thats funny. Ryan: "oh god, i've just realized that of the 16 people here only a few of them weren't created by doctor order and two of them are in top four. I think Dr. Order kind of sucks." Sephiroth, stuck in a minecart: "i will show this minecart despair." Alas the zombie cant compete well with Sephiroth From Sephiroth, and round one is Cruel. Chat asks if Riley is a creation of Dr. Order and Ryan replies yes, but only in the sense that Riley was Modified for stealth by Order, they were born a regular person.

Perfect Spriteman vs. Dan! Perfect Spriteman takes first round pretty easily and handily, but someone gets sent down to let Dan know how many people are cheering for him. Dan: "...What? They're cheering for me? What? I'm just a Guy. You sure? You're not confusing me for someone else? Me? ME? I feel like you've gotta be messing with me here, but I win, I lose, its for you guys, aight? Stay frosty, motherfuckers." Commentators discuss how cpu kerfuffle true ending is Dan getting to be champ and how he should be in charge actually as Dan takes first stock, and the match is fun and tense as dan works hard to successfully pull it to a round 3.

Dan apparently knows and feels next to NOTHING about what's specifically going on with the labs, he's just here for the paycheck. He doesn't even know Perfect Spriteman used to be a guy. which i mean yeah makes sense his first fuffle was already after Spriteman transformed. Ryan: "hes just here to punch." Comona: "hes just like 'oh theres a monster? I mean thats kind of normal for kerfuffle so whatever'" Ryan: "I was here for like. kerfuffle 5 to fight hamburger helper. this is nothing." Ryan makes a comment on the match about CPUs not being smart enough to make a particular play a human could go for and Comona shushes him and Ryan goes "oh yeah i forgot." Match is tense enough the commentators dont comment on much else. Ryan: "The pressure is on- but I don't think Dan's feeling it because he doesnt realize just how many people are watching and rooting for him, and I dont think perfect spriteman even realizes he's in a tournament right now hes just acting on base instinct." Spriteman takes last stock, winning 2-1.Dan pushes Spriteman out of center stage a little bit to say something. Dan: "that guy on the side said there were people watching this and… cheering? for me? So I still don't know if this whole thing is a bit, so I'm gonna preface this whole thing with that because if I'm being played for a goddamn idiot right here and like, you're gonna put this in a cringe compilation or something thats some Bullshit- but to all you people out there cheering for me… thank you so much. Im not sure if you all know it, but god DAMN does that mean so much to me. To know that like- even though my life's been Failure after Failure that like- theres still people out there chanting my name- APPARENTLY, according to that guy- so uh- if this is a cringe compilation you BETTER not post that shit- but if it isnt… thanks you guys. I'm gonna hit up steak and shake." I want to hug him. I want to hug him so bad it makes me look stupid.

Sephiroth vs Perfect Spriteman, Grand finals! Fast and tense set. Sephiroth takes game one, directly demanding to be taken seriously as an antagonist and like, with the metanarrative element grand kerfuffle and the nccts introduced with time that's Funny. Commentators reiterate how funny sephiroth doing so well is when he wasn't even supposed to BE here, someone just didn't show up. During the second match, the commentators hear something go off somewhere in the lab- some kind of distant siren or alert. Second match goes to a last stock situation, and Spriteman clinches it, taking it to a game 3. The shirt comes off, theyre on new donk and sephiroth is leading and hes being scary scary scary and then he sds, choking in the silliest way possible and never recovers. The tournament's winner, and calibur's representative for the next tournament is Perfect Spriteman!

But before the commentators can finish announcing that, Dr. Order arrives on the scene with an urgent announcement: "Listen, everyone, theres been a break-in, and we need to lock down and take care of the problem, every stay where you are and once the intruder has gone away-" and shes interrupted. "Ho ho, you want to stop NOW huh? Maybe you should've stopped when you gave me all of this… bullshit! Don't get me wrong, I love the bullshit, but I still think you've gotta pay!" And Larry appears, first as himself, and then as his 'true form' melts away to get set for a random roll: "Listen, you made this bed, time for you to lie in it!" Dr. Order: "I've had enough of this shit anyway. Doesn't matter what happened. I will have Perfect Spriteman as my champion, and you'll see, in the next tournament, Perfect Spriteman will-" Larry, cutting her off and starting the match: "Yeah, yeah, whatever." Comona, as Larry: "Pull up those yoga pants and come for a fight, 'cause I'm looking for one."

Larry rolls ryu. This does not bode well. Ryan, now looking into the Doctor's files, determines Florida Man was once just a joker, but after interacting with Dr. Order, became what he is now with the powers of shapeshifting. Dr. Order takes first stock. Order: "you think I couldn't best my own creations?" Larry: "yeah, I talked to google!" Dr Order keeps a strong lead, but Larry IS out here playing street fighter. Larry, comboing her: "hey doc Google Plus showed me how flowcharts work Check This Shit Out!" Alas, while Larry does Pretty Damn Good for a Ryu, he gets footstooled and loses his last stock. Doctor Order, looking down on him: "you really thought you could come back, and you could defeat me? After all this?" Larry laughs, on the ground. "Yeah, its called making it past seventh in a tournament. But hey, you know the curse you gave me. You win some… you lose some. I'm getting the hell out of here. I know you're so PROUD of ~Perfect Spriteman~ but you aren't so proud of yourself, are ya?" Dr. Order tries to snap back "I dont NEED to be-" but larry, not letting her finish, turns into meta knight and teleports away with his cloak, and Squid Jenny delivers the finalized cast list for the next episode.

#rewatch

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