#coz i don’t make dirty jokes and shit

[worstwolverinesbf]

is there a word for sex seems fun but you don’t go out looking for it??? or is that just asexual???

[writingforyourpleasure]

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

Characters: GERARD WAY x Reader 

 Link to chapter four :   https://writingforyourpleasure.tumblr.com/post/616411340391759872/on-the-road-again

Warnings : None 

 Author’s note: Hello ! Hope you’re all doing okay during those strange times ? Sorry for not posting but I had my en-of-the-year exam, but it’s now done and , I only got a few homework to hand-over now and my second year in college’ll be done !Here you go thank you to keep reading .

5.      “ Pun-master “

  You woke up, feeling something or someone moving in front of you . You started to groan at the uncomfortable feeling not wanting to get up just yet.

“And what owe me the pleasure to be assisted by your presence tonight sir Way?” You said while looking for plates.

The mass finally moved away , listening to your complains .

You woke up what felt just five minutes later but probably was in reality hours after it. Your eyes fluttered slowly as if they were disconnected from your brain. A light shine from the outside was peeking through your tinted window as soon as you truly started to wake up , you realized that Gerard wasn’t here anymore.

“Right…” You breathed out to yourself. Honestly you didn’t want to wake up. You were scared , scared of overthinking this , and because of that you actually was overthinking it . Your brain wasn’t playing on your favor . You didn’t knew how you were gonna survive today. The worst was, you didn’t knew how to act with Gerard , what happened yesterday night wasn’t that big of a deal, really , but again ; you were overthinking it . You just wanted to act normal with him , and was prying your brain to not let you down once you’ll see him. You felt so stupid for having a crush on one of your coworker and friends. You got up and hoped for the best.

You got out of your nest , only to find that you were alone in the bus and that you already had arrived into the next parking’s venue . You went directly to the kitchenette and groaned realized that you guys were short on coffee. You finally resigned yourself and went for the shower.

You got out of the bus a dozen of minutes later to find the parking lot empty except for the security that was already keeping everything on check. You checked your phone to see that it was 3pm . You had enough time, to get yourself a coffee somewhere and not stressing about when to comeback since you didn’t had to repeat with Dex or anything. You put back in your , old black Green Day’s hoodie, pocket your phone . You’ve dressed yourself as unfashionable as it is socially allowed , your laziness was clearly reflecting itself through most of your actions today. You put your headphones on , listening to the last Fever 333’s album and searched on google maps for the nearest Starbucks, once again a reflect of your laziness you figured.

You arrived to the welcoming smell of dirty beans being ground and hot milk.

Once you got your order you looked around for a seat since the place was pretty full, luckily you got one in front of the glass and on both sides what appeared to be two couples . Great. You hope that you’ll be lucky and won’t have to witness the same amount of smooshing in both of them. The teenage one , on your right , were the ones all over each other, with the boy groping at every part accessible of his what-you-presumed-to-be his girlfriend. The one on your left were two men in suits holding each other hands while talking , you sat facing the widow and the other empty seat. You got out of your backpack your sketch book and a pencil starting to draw people passing by while music took you in other world. A tap on your shoulder took you of guard , you got off your headphones .

“Yes ?” you turned around your head to see who was trying to get your attention.

“Hey, is this seat taken ?” Dex was smiling down at you with a big smile.

You said nothing instead kicking the seat in front of you, back to the glass for them to seat.

“I feel like it’s been a while since we talked .” Dex said sitting and looking expectantly at you.

“What are you talking ‘bout we talked just yesterday.” You said not looking up from your sketch book.

“Don’t play dumb y/n , you know what I mean. Like just the two of us ?” Dex sighed , seeing that you decided to not play cooperative . This time you did look up to your friend with a blank expression . Watching their eyebrows furrowed in confusion. It’s true , lately you tried to somewhat distance yourself since you were trying to figure out what the hell was happening with Gerard and you knew that being close to Dex would not help one second . Your friend knew how to read you even when you tried to hide something as well as you could. You had thinked that if Dex was about to ask questions it would make it weird since you were all working together . If you fucked up at any moments , you’ll have nowhere to hide and sometimes it can be a great deal of pain . But apparently you didn’t succeed not to make it awkward since your friend was not so happy that you act a little colder than usual . You were already fucking cold to any strangers , so to be cold to them was shitty. You sighed and run a hand through your now greasy hair . You needed to take a shower quickly , maybe it could wait after the show .

“Hey earth to y/n, hellooo?”

“Huh yeah sorry I was gone for a few…”

“Yeah no shit .”

“Sorry… like for all of it it’s true I’ve been kinda avoiding you guys.”

“Meh it happens , I mean it’s okay we all got our own problems.”

Dex tried to stay warm inside of the Starbucks but you could sense that being against a cold ass window wasn’t helped them to get the warmth that provided the Starbucks.

“I’m so cold….” They whispered as they took a gulp from their drink.

“Well….then stand in a corner .” You replied taking a large gulp of your hot drink too.

“What-Why ?”

“Think..”

“No….. please tell me it’s not because of what I think dude.”

“Coz’ corners are 90 degrees.” You said with a smug smile.

“Ho god …. Ok you know what maybe it’s for the best to be socially distant haha. It is so bad please do not do that again?”

“You’re asking way to much to the pun master .”

“More like the master of fucking nothing y’mean .”

“What did you said peasant , I think I didn’t quite hear that ?”

“Ho nothing .” said your friend smiling like a fool.

“Y/N I’m still fucking cold !” Said your friend trying to warm themselves up by rubbing strongly their arms.

“And how is that my problem , my dear?”

“Someday I really am going to kill you , y’know?” Told Dex between their teeth, with a little grunt along the way.  

“Y/N , Can I borrow your scarf? I’m seriously freezing. ”

“Well I can’t turn into a heater for you now can I? So do you want me to set you on fire? Because, I mean it’s still an option? Like I have my lighter right here so….?” You joked while giving them your scarf.

They gave you a warning glance as if they believed you . Then on a very exasperate note they sighed and said :

“Why are you like this?”              

You both laughed at that getting some curious looks from other clients. Once both of calmed down you try to get serious talking about the elephant in the room .

“Hey , can I ask your advice on something?”

“Absolutely , but I only advise communication, homosexuality, or murder.” Answered your friend earning a smug know-it-all smile out of you.

You were about to start to get off of your chest the whole “Hey I think I may or may not like the lead singer of the band for which we’re working for.” They cut you off.

“WAIT!”

“Yeah ?”

“Are you absolutely positive this isn’t dangerous or something?” They looked very serious about this , which had the reflex to make you roll your eyes deep inside your skull.

“I’m 95% sure, but yeah, I’ve failed fourth grade math so…” You decided to answer her stupid question with a stupid answer.

“Ho okay then we’re good I failed second grade! So just before we start , how long will this take ? I got to pick up my dog at the salon. «You both laughed at that. «No but like seriously we’ll have to go back to the bus eventually . Maybe tell me along the way back?”

“Alright , alright” You both got up from your seats and finally got out of the Starbucks.

“So huh, you remember when we got the 1 week break , alright?”

“Right. “

“Well huh, me and Gerard started talking by text pretty often during this time.”

“Ho. Did you now ?” They said waving their eyebrows in a suggestive way.

“No not like that calm down, you demon fuck .”

“Always a pleasure to fill my responsibilities.”

“You weirdo….” You whispered under your breath.

“Ho do not act if you aren’t even weirder man ! “

“Anyway, I just , I don’t know . I think, I think I may like him y’know?”

“Well it’s pretty comprehensible , I mean he’s hot .”

“I’m not talking about this you twat!”

“Ho c’mon you can’t say he isn’t !”

“Haha ,He is , I ‘ve sight too I’d let you know. It’s just not the point here .”

“You do? Sorry it’s hard to tell when you dress yourself like that .

“You bitch!” You choked on your drink , coughing violently.

“I’m just kind of dreading to really assuming the whole ‘hey by the way I’m hitting on you’ I don’t want to make it weird during the tour , when we’re not even at the half of it. And I don’t wish for everyone to see that I am hitting on him. I’m not ready.” You explained to Dex , not really wanting to expose everything you and Gerard said or do , foremost because there’s not that much to say

“Maybe not hitting on him is a good call since if you do I’m pretty sure he’s gonna freak out hearing your lame puns.”

“May I recall to you that I’m the pun-master AND the master of pickup lines ?”

“You completely suck at pickup lines, bro.”

“No I don’t !”

“The last time you tried one of you’re pickup lines was on this poor cute girl in Louisiana when you said ‘Are you Google –“

“CUZ YOU’RE EVERYTHING I’M SEARCHING FOR !!!”

“Yeah no wonder it didn’t worked !”

“I’m a genius , you’ll miss me when I’m gone.”

“You wish . So why are you’re feeling attracted to the guy ?”

“Well you see my kink is when people actually care about my feelings and what I have to say. And Since I know him he seems to correspond to this criteria , so I find it pretty attractive and hot since it’s my main kink.”

“Yeah , too unrealistic. Settle for bondage like the rest of us.”

“Where you ever nice Dex ?”

“2012, worst year of my life.” You laughed at what your friend said . “No but more seriously y/n, just let it happen y’know? And when you have the feeling that both of you are having a moment then maybe hit on him but stay subtle y’know?”

“I just want him to take me out…”

“Like, on a date or with a sniper ?”

“He’ll have to surprise me .” You both laughed before changing the subject to the little surprise you’ve both had planned for Max, since he was spending all of his nights and days working on your band , you wanted to do something nice for him. You bought a cookbook a few weeks ago for him as a present for the occasion, he often baked pastries as a distressful way to exhale from work time. Even though the bus condition made it hard to cook anything big it already was a good start. And you bought some bottle of Irish hard cider, since he had said it was the best thing he ever tasted when you all took a vacation to Dex family house there. After getting back to the bus everything went pretty fast , but the talk with Dex about Gerard was still playing in your mind. Ames saw that you were lost in your thoughts most of the time and ask you several times if everything was okay, you tried to act like you didn’t knew what he was talking about and you all moved on with your day . Mikey, Frank , Gerard and Ray were already in your bus when you had come back from your coffee session, and they yelled at you for not texting them and taking them with you. You brushed it off saying that next time you would. Gerard had tried to share looks with you during the day but you were too much caught up into your head to notice.

The show this night was nice and almost too short even if you guys took a ten minutes on My chemical romance planning since you played a special song. Once you were backstage Ames and Billy started their routines taking everything off stage to let place for the boys. To go faster Max offered to help them. It gave you and Dex a chance to run to the bus to prepare your little plan. You took any cushions , pillow and anything fluffy you could find , when you were done the bunks were quite a mess but you didn’t want to think of it since you still had to prepare the hard cider and the cake you brought from the Mark & Spencer’s not having too much time to find anything else. By the time everything was served , you knew that My chem was done with their show too , so you decided to prepare them a part too , you made a point to serve a apple juice instead of the cider for Gerard , not wanting him to feel excluded or anything. Max had been held backstage by Billy and Ames who were your dearest allies as ever.

You installed yourself with every plates and drinks giggling between the two of you alone in the bus to stupid jokes.

A knock made itself hear through the bus and Billy appeared into the kitchenette area before being followed by Ames and Max , who where looking at you with huge smiles spread across their face and a snort from the three of them.

“What the fuck did you do with our beds ?” Asked Max between a laugh.

“Well we did a pillow fort !” Answered Dex.

“Isn’t that a little childish ? “

“Does it means you don’t want to join us ?” You asked Max.

A silence swept through the bus.

“…Move over .” Said Max entering your huge pillow fort and already going for the cake and drink.

“Wait there’s a party and you guys didn’t told us about?! “Said Frank entering your bus.

You handed a plate in his direction , earning a smile from him before he arrived by your side as well as everyone else too.

Frank was on your right while Gerard was on your right and all of you were in a cercle eating and joking about stupid stuff.

“Hey you look better than this morning it’s good to see.” Whispered at your side Gerard offering a sweet smile before readjusting a few locks behind his ear.

“Well It’s because in the end we migrate towards comfort , and I realized that I am most comfortable around you , all of you.” You said returning a bright smile to the man.The night went along before Frank spoke up .

“Guys how are you gonna clean this mess to sleep tonight ?” Painful groans made themselves heard from all of you.

[harrywavycurly]

You were sitting in a big comfy chair far away from the bustling party mindlessly scrolling on your phone when it happened. You felt the sudden coldness on your lap before noticing it was now damp as well. That’s when you realized it was in fact someone’s glass of what seemed to be something made with whiskey that had managed to be spilled all over your new skirt. Before you could really register what happened you saw a pair of hands reaching over with a stack of napkins trying to dry you off.

“Uh normally people take me to dinner before they start messing with my skirt.” You joked and instantly the hands stopped moving. So you took this opportunity to let your eyes roam up to their wrists, past their nicely toned arms and finally reaching their face that held probably the most shocked and embarrassed expression you’d ever seen.

“Jesus Harry, leave ya alone fo five minutes and you’ve gone and spilled ya drink all over dis poor girl.“ your head turned in the direction that a thick Irish accent was coming from. “Dis is why da drinkin age is twenty one in da states. Coz blokes like you who can’t handle themselves.” You laughed at his statement, the owner of the voice was soon standing behind the man you now learned was Harry, he was getting a slap on the back by the Irishmen.

“It was an accident, I’m so sorry by tha way. Didn’t see the rug and it just tripped me up a bit. I can buy you a new skirt.” You noticed how slow and deep his voice was, it made you want to giggle at how it was like he carefully thought out each word before saying it.

You looked at the pair of men standing next to you and if you were half as tipsy as the rest of the girls were at the party you probably would’ve been immediately attracted to either of them. Harry was too heavily inked for your liking but you appreciated the art none the less. While the Irish one could easily rock the overly processed blonde on the tips of his hair you couldn’t help but wonder why he didn’t like the brunette color of his roots, it suited his bright blue eyes a bit better. You gave them both a reassuring smile as you looked down at Harry’s hands that were now just resting on top of your knees.

“I will just wash it, but thank you for your offer.” You saw Harry look as if he was waiting for you to add something so you just placed a hand over his and gave it a pat. “It’s okay.” The Irish one laughed and took a swig of the beer he was holding.

“Gosh Harry not everyone jus throws clothes away when dey get sick of em, people actually do laundry ya know.” This made Harry roll his emerald green eyes as he stood up straight removing his hands from your lap.

“Piss off Niall, don’t you have some poor girl to harass or somethin?” You laughed as you finally figured out the Irish ones name, they both looked at you as you covered your mouth to muffle your laughter.

“You two here for the holidays?” You didn’t know why you were being nosey but these two seemed interesting and quite frankly you were bored out of your mind at this Christmas party. It was your aunt’s yearly shindig and you always just attended to be polite but normally you’d sneak away after an hour or so.

“We aren’t like together.” You couldn’t help but burst out in laughter at Harry’s comment that resulted in a smack upside the head from Niall.

“No shit Harry, god she’s not a bloody idiot. I tink she was jus asking why are we in town ya knob.” Harry’s eyes went wide and you saw his cheeks get a bit pink. You stood up and brushed the few chunks off ice off your lap and reached out your hands towards the both of them.

“Well it was lovely to meet you two, I’ve gotta get going now.” You saw Niall move his drink from one hand to the other so he could shake your left hand while Harry awkwardly gave your right hand a weird little hug with both of his giant hands.

You smiled at them before turning on your heels and heading for the door of the hotel lobby. You didn’t even make it a few feet before you heard someone calling your name. You soon felt a hand on your waist and a sloppy kiss to your cheek as the familiar scent of spearmint gum mixed with cigarets hit your nose.

“Where ya off to babe?” You cringed at his choice of pet names, he knew how much you hated them. You turned your head and rolled your eyes as you looked into his bloodshot red eyes. “Don’t give me that look, it’s the holidays! Be merry and bright and all that crap!” You couldn’t help but make a face of annoyance as he spoke, you knew he would be here because there was free food and booze involved.

“I’m heading home.” You snapped at him and when he tried to pull you closer you put both hands on his chest in attempts to push him away.

“Hey love, been lookin fo you.” You slowly turned your head as Harry’s deep slow drawl came up from behind you. When he shot you a wink you gave him a small smile. You felt the hand that was on your waist drop and soon it was replaced with Harry’s arm as he pulled you into his side. “Where did ya run off to? Niall wants to go look at the Rockefeller Tree, fancy joining him?” You looked up at Harry who was giving you such a big smile that you noticed a dimple appear.

“You hang out with Pop Star boyband members now?” You shot the drunk boy in front of you a weird look as he just rolled his eyes and laughed to himself as he stumbled away. You felt Harry loosen his grip on you as Niall appeared on the other side of you.

“Proper dick tha guy was, what ya doin wit a lad like em for anyways?” Niall’s eyes were glued to the back of the guys head as he watched to make sure he didn’t turn around a head back over to you. “Needs ta learn some manners.” He added before finally looking over at you and giving you a smile.

“He’s an ex of mine, always been an asshole actually.” You answered and when you saw him just nod his head you looked at Harry and then back at Niall with a big grin. “Did you two really want to go look at the Rockefeller tree?” You asked and Niall just shrugged and looked up at Harry.

“I mean we should probably leave, we did sort of crash this party.” You bent over in laughter causing Harry and Niall to give you weird looks, out of all the holiday parties going on in New York City of course they crashed your aunts.

“Don’t worry I won’t tell my aunt.” You explained as you finally managed to get your laughter under control. You saw the two of the exchange looks before looking back down at you. “Well let’s go boys.” You felt Harry drop his arm from your waist as you turned and headed for the door.

“Your aunt is hosting dis party? She must be bloody loaded they had proper pints of Guinness at da bar.” You laughed as you grabbed your coat from the woman who was managing the check in station, she’s been working these holiday parties since you could remember.

“She does well for herself i guess you could say, the Guinness was my idea since she has clients from Ireland who come to town just for the party.” You slipped on your coat as Harry held the door open for you. The cold night air made you pull your coat a little closer to your body.

“I could marry ya right here and now jus fo that love.” You laughed at his proposal as You linked your arms through both of theirs as the three of you headed towards the over crowded Christmas Tree.

You looked from Harry to Niall and as you were looking at their faces it finally clicked in your head. You knew who these two were, you found yourself wondering why the hell they were even hanging out with you but instead of questioning it you had something else in mind.

“So I have to ask.” You saw Harry shoot you a glance causing you to notice the tip of his nose and cheeks were turning pink. “Why doesn’t One Direction do the whole dancing thing? I loved watching *NSYNC dance around on stage when i was younger.” You heard Niall’s booming laugh coming from your left as Harry rolled his eyes.

“Just not what we do. We enjoy singing and Niall here plays the guitar so we just stick to what we know.” You just nodded your head and when the three of you could see the Tree in the distance you smiled, you’ve lived here a few years now but you still couldn’t get over how beautiful the city was during the holidays.

“You from here love?” You looked at Niall who was now just full on holding your hand and giving it a good squeeze, you were sure it was because you had gloves on and his bare hand was freezing.

“I’m here for school, I’m from California.” You answered and you felt Harry unlink his arm from yours and throw it over your shoulder. “You two are cuddly little things huh?” You joked and Harry just rolled his eyes as Niall laughed.

“Have a feelin we’re gonna get along swell.” You smiled as Niall spoke and Harry just nodded in agreement. You saw Harry pull a gray beanie from his coat pocket and quickly throw it on covering the tops of his ears.

“So are you a fan of ours?” Harry asked as the three of you stood in front of the brightly lit tree, you were looking up trying to see the top and just shrugged.

“Pop music isn’t my favorite,” You turned your head and saw Niall snickering as Harry shot you a playful glare. “But that one guy in your band can really sing.” You teased and by this point Niall was full blown laughing.

“Dat one guy? Love dare are five of us in da band.” You just gave Niall a look of mock confusion before turning and looking at Harry who had a playful smirk on his face.

“Five? No way! You two are just the backup singers right?” You joked and soon you felt Harry pinch your shoulder causing you to flinch a little and Niall to shoot him a dirty look.

“Oi! Don’t go about pinchin and poken at er. She’s da reason i got a bloody good pint of Guinness in da states. Might as well be royalty.” You laughed as Niall let go of your hand and loosely wrapped his arm around your waist.

“Sorry fo disturbing the Princess.” Harry joked and Niall just nodded his head as he looked down at you and gave you a big smile.

“Princess, it fits.” You were surprised how much you liked the sound of the pet name coming from either of their mouths, you enjoyed the fact they didn’t call you love or now princess in a demeaning way, they were terms of endearment.

“I like it.” You stated as the three of you looked up at the tree and to be honest you felt like you could stay there in the middle of the two of them all night and be perfectly content.

Little did you know that night was the beginning of a friendship that would go on for years. You grew to trust and love them, even though at times you wanted to smack both of them upside the head. You became the one they would call when they were bored, drunk, couldn’t sleep or just needed a reminder that someone was there who cared.

You loved being around them but also enjoyed your time with them one on one. Harry was always there with a hug and a wise word or two when you needed it while Niall was always the one with a six pack in his hand and a shoulder to cry on while he threatened to end the life of whoever was causing your tears. You now couldn’t imagine your life without them, and it’s funny to think it all started at a Christmas party with a drink being spilled in your lap.

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 10.07.17 lb

from now on, expect the lb to be published around this time. coz i fully have to take a 2 hour nap to prepare myself for these one hour episodes. lord, they better be worth it! GIVE ME MY BROTP MOMENTS (obros, bhaujai/bulbul, aniRuKara, ShivRi) AND I’LL TOLERATE ANYTHING!!!!!! 

ok let’s doooooooo this! *cracking knuckles*

plain text version here. 

it would have been nice if you’d informed RAGINI of this decision of yours... 😗😗😗

interesting how he just keeps saying ENGAGEMENT, and nothing about what usually follows an engagement... 😐😐😐

lmao oh man i just can’t stop laughing at ragini’s reaction. she’s seriously likeeee BISH WHUT IS EVEN HAPPENING? IS THIS A PRANK SHOW? IS CYRUS BROACHA GONNA COME OUT AND YELL BAKRAAAAAA AT ME? 😟😟😟

lololololololol everyyyyyyyy woman shivaay decides to marry has the same reaction: “.... shit. 😬😬😬” 

saved by the belllllllllll.... yas girl, you go out on your date! 😙😙😙

lmao his face. fucking idiot. what did he think, she’d instantly collapse and run into his arms at this stunt of his? 🙄🙄🙄

shivaay is having some seeeeeeeerious buyer’s remorse right now. ragini is one item that the return policy is going to prove to be veryyyyyyy tough for. 🙃🙃🙃

pinky does not know how to read the room. at all. 😑😑😑

shakti/jhanvi and (surprisingly) bhavya’s silent rage tho. 😯😯😯

shakti is trying to dad, but beta is too out of it. 😔😔😔

i think ragini is already regretting this whole thing. lmao, we all have those crushes which are way better in our head, coz the reality could never live up to it. this is one of them. she just liked looking at his kanji eyes!!!!!!!!! and now she has to deal with the whole crazy khaandaan that comes with him. 😆😆😆

anikaaaa, baby. no cryyyyyyyyyyyyy. 😪😪😪

LMAO “PYAAAR”, anika’s brain is like 0 - 200 in 3 seconds. 🙄🙄🙄

haan bas ring ko dekhta reh. fucking idiot. 😒😒😒

ok yeah, i like ragini too now. poor, hilarious, slightly off her rocker but in a kooky way, ragini. 😊😊😊

i’m glad they made ragini more likable. i hate hating on female characters. hating pinky itself is exhausting. 😖😖😖

ooooooooooh, GHARWAALI V/S BAAHARWAALI. 😧😧😧

don’t underestimate our girl here. she’s not your “typical housewife”. 😏😏😏

oh anika... why the “tum jaisi ladki” nonsense???? you don’t even know her. she might end up to be a good one, in the end. like tia did. 😌😌😌

ooooooh snap! point ragini! 😯😯😯

lol ragini is going all tia-ish on shivaay with “destiny” and shiz. 😕😕😕

ooooop. sapnaaaaaaaa meraaaaaaa toooooot gayaaaaaa. 😥😥😥

thank god this hot mess of a man did the right thing FOR ONCE and cleared it up though. not that it’s going to be of any use. coz ragini is gonna make sure this gets out into the press and becomes a big thing and shivaay’s going to be dragged into this kicking and screaming. 😬😬😬

quickkkkkkkk recovery. impressive, girl! veryyyyy impressive! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

she’s never going to wash that shoulder again. 😆😆😆

anika, why are you still in the damn house? go for your date, idiot. like at least go out and pretend to be on it. so that he burnsssss in his agony for a few hours. 😈😈😈

ouff again kamra and ghar waale issues. why don’t you just pee around the room to mark your territory, you idiots? pfffffffft. 🙄🙄🙄

daaaaaaaamn, anika not in the mood to take ANY shit. basically told him to go fuck himself. i can feel my skin instantly clearing up at her sass. 😇😇😇

OMG ANIKA. YOU ON FIRE. KILL HIM, SIS. FUCKING SLIT HIS THROAT AND DRINK HIS BLOOD! 😈😈😈

“bataane ki zaroorat nahi hai, mujhe pehle se hi sab kuch pata hai.”

because he’s been stalking you, idiot girl. get the hint. 😚😚😚

TOO MUCH FARAQ-ING, NOT ENOUGH FUCKING. THAT’S YOUR PROBLEM KIDS. JUST HAVE SEX ALREADY. 😒😒😒

“achcha? aap move on ho chuke hai? ab MOVE OUT bhi ho jaaiye.” 

*actually, physically throws him out of his own fucking room* 

OMFG YOUGAIZ, I THOUGHT I WAS IN LOVE WITH ANIKA BEFORE, BUT NOW I KNOW THAT WHAT I USED TO FEEL FOR HER ARE LITTLE BABY FEELINGS OF LIKE. WHAT I’M FEELING RIGHT NOW, THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS. JESUS CHRIST, WHAT A GIRL. WHAT A FUCKING GIRL. AN ICON. A GODDESS. I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M WITNESSING THIS WITH MY OWN TWO EYES IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD TWO THOUSAND AND SEVENTEEN. #BLESSED 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

aw man, his hurt face. but also his disbelief that she actually fucking threw him out of his own fucking room. i’m just sitting here making weird, inhuman, half-laughing, half-crying snuffly noises. 😭😭😭😭😭

gauri kumari sharma, trying to escape this actual hellhole once again... but... 😕😕😕

what horrible dubbing. horrible horrible dubbing. it sounds like kunal is talking from fucking underwater. 😑😑😑

“aur agar main kahoon mat jao? RUK JAO?”

“KYUN?” 

yaaaaaaaaas, askkkk him, queen. QUESTION HIM. 😌😌😌

yehhhhhhhhh pakdaaaaaaa. 😍😍😍

why does she have a large... tinsel, rakhi type thing hanging from her kangans? 🤔🤔🤔

“MUJHE MERI GALTIYON KA EHSAAS HO GAYA HAI. I’M SORRY.”

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS. 😭😭😭😭😭

gauri, my queen. my perfect, beautiful, flawless queen. 👸🏽👸🏽👸🏽

RETURN OF OLD, CALM, SORTED, RATIONAL OMKARA. 😯😯😯😭😭😭🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

haha awwwwwww gauri. 😘😘😘

“yeh MERA ghar hai???” lmaooooooooo oh omki. you adorable fucking pupppyyyyy. 💗💗💗

oh ho, i’m so not interested in rudra’s plot with bhavya. like, i love rudra, and i can tolerate bhavya in the bg reacting to things, but as a couple, ughhhhhhhhh. 😫😫😫

lmao typicalllll rudra move. remember when sumo kept trying to tell him about romi, and he just wouldn’t listen, and then he blamed her for not telling him???? stupid boy. 🙄🙄🙄

“sarvGUN sampoorn bahuuuuu”, lollllll. 😂😂😂

the weird dramatic music so doesn’t go with the comic nature of the scene? 🤔🤔🤔

why does he keep saying “COP” like it’s a dirty word?? 😕😕😕

i mean, cops are fucking dirty... but still... 😐😐😐

ouffffffffffffff, emoshunnnnnnnnnnn. 😫😫😫

whatever, i still feel NOTHING for these two. 🙄🙄🙄

haaaaaaaye, my three fucking idiots, all together. 👶🏽👶🏽👶🏽 aankhein taras gayii thiiiiii. 

snorttttttttt “SHUT UP RUDRA!!!!!!!!” before he even saiddd anything. 😂😂😂

oh yeah, and you being an asshole had ABSOOOOOOLUTELY nothing to do with getting thrown out, eh? 😆😆😆

YAAAAAAAAAAS BHAUJAAAI VENTING TO BULBUL!!!! 😚😚😚 (and bhavya, but lbr who cares about her?) 

lmaoooo, anika’s thesis on FARAQ (and steamrolling all over poor gauri.) 😂😂😂

oh yeh lo, idhar yeh bhi lecture de raha hai on the topic du jour. 🙄🙄🙄

dimaag ho, toh nikaal sakte the. you seem to be sharing one dimaag between the three of you. imbeciles. 😒😒😒

bhauuuujaiiiii and bulbulllllllll are sharinggggg vocabularyyyyyyy!!!!!! I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😍😍😍😍

so, established that rudra’s birthday is 10th july. he’s a cancerian. 

funny, i’d have pegged om to be the cancerian. oh well. 😗😗😗

EW WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS “LAUNDE HAI KAMAAL KE” THING NOW???? I’D JUST GOTTEN USED TO DIL BOLE OBEROI AFTER ONE WHOLE FUCKING YEAR AND YOU FUCKERS GO AND SPRING THIS NEW MICHMICHI WAALA SLOGAN ON ME? THE FUCKKKK. 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫

naaaaaariiiii sssssakti jindaaabaaaaaad! 👯🏽👯🏽👯🏽

god i love gauri so much. she’s too fucking cute to be real. 😚😚😚

lmaooooooo everyone got messages, but NEITHER GROUP INVITED PINKY. FUCKING BESTTTTTTTT. 😆😆😆

damnnnn, jhanvi looks so fucking amazing. 😯😯😯

my godddddddddd, pinky, way to make even THIS about you. victim complex mein post-doctoral kar rakha hai pinky ne. 😣😣😣

“party kam, PARTITION zyaada lag raha hai mujhe.”

snort. tej made a funnnnyyyy. 😆😆😆

ok not laughing at your jokes, you fucking wife burner. 😒😒😒 

(headcanon: advay singh raizada took arson lessons from tej.) 

ouff do i have to watch this stupid cheesy cake nonsense? really? i’m already tireddddddd. 😖😖😖

23. we finally have an age for rudra. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

and how old is bhavya supposed to be again? 🤔🤔🤔

WHY IS THE BIRTHDAY BOY WEARING CLOTHES THAT HAVE BEEN EATEN BY RATS????????? 😐😐😐

also, ouff, such old fashioned birthday song. we have newer options (+more rudra-appropriate), you know? 😊😊😊

*hissing* “rudra, yahaaan aa. 2 v/s 3 ho raha hai, and it’s not fair!”

businessman of the year, and grownass adult, shivaay singh oberoi, everyone!!!! (fuckinggggggg petty idiot.) 😂😂😂😂

awww the girls got rudyyyy a “peeeroteen jyaada aur meetha kam” cake! 💖💖💖

oh boy, om had a hand in making the cake too? *looks at it warily* 😬😬😬

“haan gaana koi bhi gaa sakta hai.... lekin sun sab nahi sakte na... aur khaas kar aap gaaye toh...” hahahahaha 😂😂😂

gauri patting anika’s arm to console her. ughhhhhhh. i love these two together sooooooooo much. 😍😍😍

pft, om ab tum KHOON AUR KHAANDAAN ke baare mein shuru mat ho jaana. 😒😒😒

“WHAT’S GOING ONNNNNNN?” tej is me. i am tej. 

... what’s wrong with that cake? just the icing is a little messed up. why would you still not eat it???? ugh, rich ppl. 😑😑😑

lollllllll rudraaaaa, dhokebaaaaaaaz, dil bole oberoi, kamaal launde whatever my assss. cake khaane ke liye bhool gaya bhaichaara. 😆😆😆

OK SHIVAAY, I’VE TOLERATED A LOT OF YOUR BS, BUT CAKE MUTILATION???????? A WHOLE NEW LOW FOR YOU, FUCKER. A WHOLEEEEEEEEE NEW LOW. 😡😡😡

lol omRu’s faces at this totally extra alpha male garbage. 😂😂😂

the devranis are vaguely uncomfortable with shivaay’s suggestive frosting licking, looking straight at anika. 😆😆😆

anika: “BHAVYA!!!!!!!!!! INHE ARREST KARO! ABHI KE ABHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” bhavya: *equally mad* “HUM TOH KAR LETE! LEKIN INDIAN PENAL CODE MEIN CAKE KA KHOON KARNE KI KOI SAZAA HI NAHI HAI, KAMBAKHT!!!!!!!”

lmaoooooooooooooooooo 😂😂😂😂

neither of the cakes was this colour or consistency? yeh teesra cake kahaan se? HOW MANY CAKES DID YOU ASSHOLES DESTROY TO SHOOT THIS FUCKING SCENE????? THERE ARE PEOPLE SUFFERING IN THIS WORLD (ME), CAKE-LESS! 😫😫😫

“jeeee baaaaaaaaaaat bhaujaaaaaaaai! bahut bol rahe the bade bhaiyya!” 

lmao oh bulbul. tumse yeh umeed nahi thi! yours was the brOTP i placed about allllll others in this houseeee. 😌😌😌

billu, if you had the slightest bit of sense in your head, you’d pull a holi reprise and smear her back all sexy and shit. but you dumb as fuckkkkkkkkk, so..... 😒😒😒

ok he’s still maarofying chance and feeling her face up all sexily. good. not aaaaaaaas dumb as he looks. 😎😎😎

OMG SMUG KISSY FACE. 😧😧😧

lol anika’s ‘fuckkkk off and die’ face at it, though. 😂😂😂

bulbul decided why should bhaujaiiii have all the fun? 😊😊

haha, cake wali holi. omg whyyyyyyyyyyyyy is she so fucking cuteeeeee? 😍😍😍

pinky and tej be like *maya sarabhai voice* GOD, THIS IS SO MIDDLE CLASS! 😆😆😆

i like that bhavya’s (seems to be???) stronger/better than rudra. 😊😊😊

lmao omg she was fully going to kick his ass if om hadn’t intervened. 😂😂😂

jungleeeee bachche toh hamesha se the. bas, this is the healthiest way this has manifested in this show ever. 😐😐😐

ok fwding this buddhon ka nonsense. don’t care. 🙄🙄🙄

pinky feeling ostracized. i don’t feel sorry for her at all though. 😑😑😑

ouff, ok, we get it. happyyyy happppy happppppppy. fwding. ⏩⏩⏩

i am happiest for om-gauriiiiiiii, who look so genuinely happy and like they’re having funnnnnnnn. aw. my babies. 💖💖💖💖 *smooshes them* 

ooooooooooh. OOOOOOOOOOOOH. BILLU IS QUITE POSSESSIVELY AND HAQ SE MAKING A MOVE ON ANIKA. 😯😯😯

LICK THE CAKE OFF EACH OTHER, YOU IDIOTS. YOU KNOW YOU FUCKING WANT TO. 😏😏😏

i quite like this dimming lights effect in o jaana moments, to signify that the world outside the two of them ceases to exist for each other. 😌😌😌

lo aaa gayi, cake mein haddi. 😶😶😶

no wonder shivaay and gauri love each other so much. both are EXTRA AF. 🙃🙃🙃

“apni apni waali ko uthaao, aur kamre mein leke jaao!” 

dadi be progressive (and kinky) as fuckkkkkkkk. 😯😯😯

haaaaaaaaaye. my boyssssss. and their girlsssssss. 😍😍😍 

ugh, and bhavya. 🙄🙄🙄

WHAT EVEN IS THIS FAMILY?????????? 😟😟😟

pfffffffft, bewakoof toh tum teeno ho. awwal number ke. premium grade. best in the country. 🙄🙄🙄

“tum log humaara WOH bana rahe ho.” “papppu?” “haan, same thing.” *muttering* “banaaye hue ko aur kitna banana?” 

anika’s snark is what powers me through life. 🙃🙃🙃

ooooop. things got super serious super suddenly. 😶😶😶

pfffffffft, coordinated and choreographed moving. totalllllly natural and human like. 🙄🙄🙄

eeeeeeeeeee, faraqqqqqqqq games continueeeee tomorrrrrow. wet billu’s getting alll up and sexyyyyyyyyy on my girl. 😏😏😏 

[holaafrica]

Let It Rain: Crushed Tea – Leaves in My Water http://holaafrica.org/let-it-rain-crushed-tea-leaves-in-my-water/

Let It Rain: Crushed Tea – Leaves in My Water

[Disclaimers: this story is not an endorsement of manipulative, abusive or dysfunctional behaviour. Suicide ideation disproportionately affects people who identify within the LGBTQIA+ gender and sexuality kaleidoscope. This story is not an indictment of people who struggle with ideation but rather an example of how ideation is sometimes weaponized by people who have trouble processing rejection and loss in constructive ways. Content and trigger warning: for intimate partner violence in the form of emotional abuse.] Trigger warning*: self harm, emotional abuse.

“Give me hope, that help is coming, when I need it most.” – Tracy Chapman, ‘Let it Rain’ (2002)

February 14th, 2003 “Do you guys remember when this album dropped? We listened to it like two hundred times,” Laika rolled her head in my direction from her girlfriend’s lap. She was sitting cross-legged on the dirty beige carpet in my lounge and her girlfriend, Leroy, perched on the edge of my maroon, worn-down and holey corduroy sofa, plaited her hair. I was sitting next to Leroy, carefully rolling crushed marijuana in some thin rizzla. All around us the opening chords of Tracy Chapman’s ‘Let It Rain’ filled my untidy little lounge and transported us back to that afternoon in October, 2002 when we’d each bought a copy of the album and come back to my place to play it repeatedly on my cheap hi-fi system. It had been an uncharacteristically overcast day in spring and we’d been cooped up in this flat; smoking joints and munching on Simba chips while analyzing the lyrics and mood of each song on the record. Laika had stretched her long legs out on my carpet – she preferred sitting on the floor to crumpling her tall frame into chairs or sofas – with a 2l bottle of Stoney tucked between her strong, lean thighs nodding her head to the music with her big eyes closed. She had opened her eyes when Tracy sang give me hope that help is coming, when I need it most and blinked away the tears that had gathered in them. “I think I love her,” she declared in a choked, husky voice. Leroy had shaken her head and chuckled but she knew as well as I did that Laika wasn’t the only person in that room moved by Chapman’s earnest plea and lilting voice. Give me hope that help is coming, when I need it most. We hadn’t had to say out loud how deeply those words resonated with each of us. We simply repeated the song until Laika informed us that she was ready to move onto the next track on the record. We had sobered up after a while and sipped on hot cups of tea made with tea leaves and not bags; reflecting on the songs we each liked the most. Laika said her favourite song was Another Sun and Leroy laughed, stating that her girlfriend was too obsessed with death. I said my favourite song was In the Dark and Leroy said of course I loved the only explicitly sexual song on the album. Laika and I demanded to know what Lee’s favourite song was since she had so much to say about everyone else’s preferences. She had walked over to where Laika was sitting on the floor and plopped down beside her, “That’s easy; You’re the One. Coz I really don’t care what anyone has to say about us being a couple, this is my baby,” she said before planting a big wet kiss on her baby’s cheek. As we drifted off later on that evening, we sleepily recalled the line in the title track of ‘Let it Rain’ which had brought tears to Laika’s eyes; give me hope that help is coming, when I need it most and decided it the mst important lyric of the entire album. In the present, Tracy was singing that line for the second last time in the song when I reached onto my coffee table –littered with books and cups with dried up tea bags stuck to the bottom- to retrieve my lighter. I lit the blunt and took a deep drag from it, settling back into the couch and looking at my friends out of the corner of my eye. I didn’t want them to see me watching them. They had been dating for almost three years and we had all been close friends for much longer. Since early high school. We were the only gay kids in our grade, possibly the entire school so we sort of gravitated towards each other as a result. Luckily, we had some shit in common; we played and enjoyed basketball, liked the same subjects, were tall and dark and we all had big, desperate crushes on Tracy Chapman. We had been out of high school for almost four years now but many of those things were still very true. We had also harbored secret inevitable crushes on one another, being the only proudly gay people any of us knew in inner city Johannesburg but Laika and Leroy had developed real life feelings for each other and begun dating when we’d started varsity. Looking at them now, I had the same thought I’d had about them in grade 8; feeling like a beloved third wheel, they were made for each other. Laika was soft-spoken and Leroy while loud and boisterous – the only real tomboy in the group- was a great listener and didn’t mind giving her girlfriend space to voice her thoughts and feelings. Laika hated cooking and Leroy loved making new and deliciously creative things in the kitchen. I knew that Leroy was tired of being with girls that assumed she wanted to do all the work in the bedroom just because she was a bit butch and Laika had often confessed to me that despite her lip-gloss and nail-polish she preferred to be dominant in bed. They balanced each other out tremendously. Laika was in her 3rd year of medicine and Leroy was doing her second last year in pharmacy. They also came from similar homes; they had strained and sometimes volatile relationships with their single mothers. I was the odd ball; graduating the following year with a Bachelor of Arts in English –so I could work as an editor after school- and loving parents who were still happily married. There was also this unbelievable physical compatibility between them. They were the exact same height and the dark brown of their skin was of an identical hue. Laika’s cheek could have been an extension of the thigh it was pressed against. I often wondered what their naked bodies looked like together when they made love. I thought about the two of them making love a lot. I thought about the things they did to each other –which they sometimes shared with me in confidence; Laika liked when Leroy gave her head and Leroy said she appreciated that Laika kept her nails clipped short- sometimes laying wide awake conjuring vivid visions of them in the act. I sometimes wasn’t sure which of them I was in love with more; but I was certain and grateful that they were both mine to love. I passed the already half-smoked joint to Laika but she didn’t seem to mind that I’d hogged it. She took it from me quietly and drew from it. When she held it up for Leroy to smoke, her girlfriend shook her head and waved it away. “Are you not smoking, Lee?” I asked, leaning forward in the sofa and peering into my friend’s face. “Not right now. I want to finish her hair,” Leroy said, not meeting my eye. “What’s your favorite song on the album, Toya?” Laika asked suddenly. “In the Dark,” I responded automatically. They both knew which song I loved best from the album. “Ha! My friend, you really love sex! We should get you a girlfriend so you can get laid!” she exclaimed from the floor. There was something awkward and forced about her cheerfulness. “You know I don’t have time for girlfriends, Laika. Besides I’m already an honorary member of your relationship, where will I find the time or energy to be with anyone else?” I joked. I saw Leroy stiffen and heard Laika’s sharp intake of breath at the same time. I’d unknowingly touched a nerve. I suddenly noticed that there had been a growing tension between the two of them. I knew better than to ask what the matter was because they never let me in on their arguments; at least not while the other was around. I turned to Leroy. “Is your favorite song on the album still You’re the One?” I teased, nudging her in the side. Her reaction made me wish I’d kept my mouth shut. She sniffled and wiped the back of her hand across her top lip. I saw tears well up in her eyes. Her hands stopped the pulling and twisting of Laika’s hair. Instead of protesting Laika cast her eyes downward, avoiding eye contact with both Leroy and me. There was no way I could avoid asking what the problem was at this point. “Is everything alright, you guys?” I enquired as gently as possible. Leroy started sobbing then, out of nowhere. I sat there in shock, just staring at her. I’d never seen her cry that way before. Not even when her mother had kicked her out of the house after one of our high school teachers had outted her as a lesbian. Laika turned her torso around slightly and placed a hand on Leroy’s knee. To my shock and dismay Leroy roughly slapped Laika’s hand away and stood up from the sofa; storming out of the lounge. “What the fuck is going on?” I demanded, looking first at Laika’s tearless but pained face and then in the direction Leroy had just stormed off in. “I messed up, Toy,” Laika said softly. “What do you mean, you messed up?” She opened her mouth to speak but then seemed to decide against it and closed it again. I looked at her with my head cocked to the side; my I demand an answer stance. She shrugged sheepishly. From my run-down hi-fi system, Tracy Chapman sang about how she ought to have been happy to be loved; happy to be with someone who knew and understood her. And all I could think was that these two had that, someone to make them happy; someone who left them unburdened by the thought that they could ever be lonely. “I’ve been having an affair.” Laika whispered over Tracy’s barely audible every time you get close, I just run. I felt like turning the music off and smacking Laika in the face but I felt rooted to my spot on the sofa and too shocked to move. “How long?” I asked, after a long time. “For about four months. It’s this girl I met at school. She’s really amazing. I wanted to tell Lee sooner but…” Laika’s voice trailed off. We both knew what the rest of that sentence entailed. Lee wasn’t an easy person to leave. She often joked that neither of us were allowed to leave her because she wouldn’t be able to survive in the world without us. “So, do you love this other girl?” I said the word ‘other’ in a way that made it clear that I felt every bit as betrayed by Laika as Lee did. Whatever abandonment issues Leroy had, cheating was no way to treat someone you supposedly loved. “I do. She –she makes me happy.” Laika said softly. Some can feel the grace of love, and walk away in disbelief. Tracy wasn’t helping the situation. I shook my head sadly. I wanted Laika to be happy. I wanted them both to be happy. Even if, that meant them no longer being together. I put a hand on one of Laika’s bare shoulders. She looked up at me and there were tears she refused to shed flooding her large eyes. We both seemed to realize at the same time that Lee had been gone for a long time and was eerily quiet in the kitchen. “Let me go check on her,” I said, with a gentle squeeze to Laika’s shoulder. Perhaps it was the weed; but I was oddly unaffected by the sight of Lee slouched against my white kitchen tiles with blood dripping from a cut in her upturned left arm and one of my knives hanging limply from her right hand. I was dry-eyed and only slightly dizzy when I announced what I had seen to Laika and informed her that I would call an ambulance. Laika’s eyes widened and she rushed into the kitchen with a strangled scream. I heard her slip a bit as she dashed into the kitchen and I think she must have fallen because I heard a loud thud before soft whimpering became the only sound coming from the kitchen. It was this whimpering and Tracy singing the opening lines to Goodbye I heard as I relayed that my friend had tried to kill herself in my kitchen to the operator on the other end of the line. May 20th, 2003 We were sitting in an obscure white and turquoise campus café having tea with tea leaves, nibbling on some scones and biscuits and avoiding deep conversation. Laika looked tired and barely smiled. She was thinner than I had ever seen her and her face was stretched taut in an unspoken agony. Leroy seemed high-strung and her cheerfulness was just as forced as Laika’s had been on Valentine’s Day, months before. Every time her neat rows of straight white teeth flashed in a smile I thought about how the white of my kitchen tiles was forever stained pink on the spot where she had hurt herself. I couldn’t help but look at the tiny scar running horizontally across her left wrist from that day. We never spoke about the scar or that day and as far as I knew Laika had broken up with the mysterious other woman she had claimed made her happy. Leroy and Laika were still dating. But something had changed between them since that fateful day. Aside from the fact that they rarely suggested that we hang out in my apartment anymore or that we never spoke about Tracy’s music; the two of them seemed very different from the tailor-made couple I’d coveted for years. Where you once would have been hard-pressed not to find their long limbs draped affectionately around each other regardless of where they were; they barely touched each other now. In fact, every time Leroy made an effort to try and make physical contact with Laika I saw my friend recoil from her lover’s touch as though she feared her. Laika used to laugh at any and all of Leroy’s ridiculous jokes but she bristled in annoyance whenever Lee tried to make her laugh now. It was painful to see them this way. It hurt to think of the fragile state of their relationship. “Are we ever going to talk about what happened?” I asked quietly, my eyes firmly placed on the vast distance between the two of them despite ours being a tiny table which forced closeness. “There are crushed leaves in my water,” Leroy observed in a strained voice. I noticed that she had her left arm placed upwards on the table between her cup and Laika so that every time the other woman looked towards that cup she would see the light brown silky scar running across her lover’s wrist. Laika looked everywhere else but in Leroy’s direction. “Jesus, Leroy. You tried to kill yourself, in my kitchen,” I whispered fiercely, leaning across the table and glaring at her. “I guess you guys don’t find my jokes funny anymore.” She muttered, stubbornly avoiding the topic. But she’d retrieved her arm from the top of the table and slipped it onto her lap when I’d spoken. I saw tears traveling down Laika’s cheeks. Her head was turned away from Leroy and she avoided making eye contact with me. “Can’t you see that you’re hurting her?” I demanded of Leroy. “What about me?” Leroy shot back, her chin trembling now. “Do you think I like knowing she doesn’t love me anymore?” “Of course not, Lee. No one expected you to be happy that she wanted to leave you. But this,” I pointed at the arm that had resurfaced on the table, “this is some abusive shit, dog. You’re holding it over her head that if she tries to leave you, you’ll try to kill yourself again. That’s not fair.” “Whose side are you on Latoya?” Leroy demanded, her eyes flashing angrily at me. I had flashbacks of her temper from back in high school and grew fearful about what Laika had been going through the past few months. Possibly longer. It was difficult to look at Leroy, a woman I had known and loved for years and think about how she may actually have been a person capable of hurting someone she claimed to love. It was difficult to look into her angry eyes now and see that she was also hurt by the accusation in my stare. “I’m not on your side if you’re going to use your love as a weapon Leroy. You know that Malaika and I love you more than life itself. But that doesn’t mean we belong to you. Nor does it mean you can’t survive without our relationships with one another remaining exactly the same.” I said, trying to keep my voice gentle while still being firm with her. She glared at me as tears shot down her cheeks. Then she did something that made me decide there and then that I would have to learn to love her from a distance. She grabbed her tea cup and threw it onto the floor. Then reached down and grabbed one of the shards of broken porcelain and used it to slice into her wrist above the slightly older scar, her eyes boring into mine the entire time. Laika flinched at the sound of the breaking cup and turned at last to look at Leroy. She began shaking when she saw the crimson blood rise up and fall from the cut Leroy had made into her dark brown flesh. She covered her mouth with her hands and started crying in earnest. One of the café’s staff cautiously approached our table with a napkin and first aid kit. She was a girl who didn’t look much older than any of us. Her eyes were gentle and carried more concern than judgment as she carefully removed the bloody shard of porcelain from Lee’s hands and held the napkin against the wound. Lee blinked several times before relenting and allowing the kind waitress to take care of her self-inflicted injury. I looked at Leroy in disgust before getting up from that table. I paused for a moment, waiting to catch Laika’s eye. But Laika was cooing in concern over Leroy’s drama, soothing her by rubbing her hands between her shoulder blades and lower back. I walked out of the café without another word to either of them. When I was all the way out of campus I made the decision to contact my landlady and tell her that I would be moving soon and to call my parents to let them know that I wanted to leave Johannesburg for a little while. At least for as long as it took to forget what Leroy and Laika had taught me about the ugly turns love could sometimes take. February 14th, 2017 I heard their voices before I saw them. And when I looked up to locate the source of those familiar voices I wasn’t surprised to see a pair of tall, handsome and dark skinned women browsing through the children’s section of Mr. Price. I was surprised to notice the way they leaned into each other; comfortable and intimate. Malaika’s head was covered in thick dreadlocks that snaked their way down her back which was almost completely visible from the backless maxi-dress she wore. Leroy’s hair was still in the same neatly cut fade and high-top she’d favored since our varsity days; her body was still lean and strong in the white t-shirt and maroon chinos she had casually dressed in. I was wearing the white shirt my wife had pressed and picked out for me earlier that morning and a pair of straight cut jeans. My own hair was a short salt-n-pepper afro because I couldn’t be bothered to cut my hair all the time or try and maintain a mane of dreadlocks. I didn’t look as tall as I actually was anymore because almost twenty years of my large breasts pulling on my back and shoulder muscles had given me an unintentional slouch and taken a few inches from my stature. Leroy and Laika were just as statuesque as ever. I watched them for a moment longer and was about to turn to leave when the sound system in the store played a song my 10 year old daughter adored. She had been close to the entrance of the store, looking at multi-colored pairs of jeans. She tugged on my sleeve now and wiggled her hips to the song, trying to get me to dance along but I waved my hand at her dismissively, laughing all the same. “I thought it was you!” a voice behind me said. I turned to face Leroy wearily. She looked almost completely the same as the last time I’d seen her almost 14 years ago. Except her face was a little fuller and her eyes were less sad. “How are you, Lee?” I asked, keeping my voice level. “I’m well, Toy. How are you?” she seemed to be searching my eyes for something. “I’m well, too. I see the two of you are still out here causing trouble,” I smiled, looking in Laika’s direction. “Ah well. Yes. Laika’s doing some shopping for her kids and I’m helping her out because she knows nothing about baby dyke fashion.” I was taken aback by how easily Leroy still laughed. It brought laughter to my own throat. I remembered happier times. When I sobered up, I asked the question I assumed I already knew the answer to. “You stayed together and had children?” Leroy laughed again, but this time the sadness in her eyes remained intact. “No. Laika has a wonderful husband with whom she has two wonderful daughters. One of them, Thembi, is definitely a baby dyke. The other one, Ntokozo, might be a dyke too, but she’s more femme than Thembi,” she explained. “Okay enough with labelling my children,” Laika said, appearing at her side with a bunch of clothes and hangers clutched in her arms. She pushed past Lee and gave me a warm hug. “You look lovely, Toy,” she said with a teary smile. “So do you, darling. How are you?” I enquired, searching her eyes for the answers Leroy wasn’t giving me. Lee saw the way Laika and I were looking at each other and sheepishly shuffled away and introduced herself to my daughter. Laika and I started strolling through the clothing stalls and speaking in hushed voices. I was taken aback by what Laika had to say. “It took a long time for us to break up after you left, Toy. Things got really ugly. I know when you left she was bad. But I got bad too. We fought a lot and I cheated a lot and just did everything in my power to make her not love me anymore. Everything except leave. Everyone kept praising us as this perfect, golden couple. We found new circles of friends. Other gay people. Very few of them told us the truth the way you would have. But one day one of our friends did. He reminded me so much of you. He said, ‘the two of you are bad for each other. Leave each other before there’s nothing left to save,” the pain in Laika’s face seemed fleeting. The contentment I’d seen in her smile earlier returned shortly after she briefly let me see everything they had been through. “I got my degree and started my own private practice a few years after that. I lost contact with Lee. On purpose. Before I left I told her to get help. She promised that she would. And she let me go. When she came into my offices a few years ago I was already married with children but I realized I still loved her and had plenty of room for her in my life.” “When I saw the two of you I thought you were back together again. You seemed so close,” I said, shocked at the envy that crept into my voice. “We’re close, definitely. But not in the same ways we used to be.” She said, looking over at Leroy thoughtfully. I wondered if she was wondering whether they could rekindle the kind of closeness they had once shared. “You know, I think she would love to talk to you, Toya. She felt like she really let you down back then,” Laika said, interrupting my thoughts about rekindled intimacy between the two of them. “I won’t lie. I was let down. I was also just scared. I didn’t know if what was wrong with her was also wrong with me you know?” I said; voicing thoughts I had never shared with anyone before. “I also got really scared that people would leave me. I also sometimes got tired of being alive. Lee made all of those things feel all too real.” “I don’t think anyone goes through life not being afraid they’ll lose the people they love or even just feeling a little tired of living. Life is long. But Lee had a kak way of conveying those things. She was manipulative and controlling. She used her pain as an excuse to hurt me. And you. And when I was too broken to leave I started hurting her too. It was a vicious cycle. I’m glad you left when you did. Who knows where we would have wound up if we’d all driven each other crazy,” she laughed wryly. I looked back at Lee and my daughter. They were laughing uproariously. My little one was getting to see the best side of one of the early loves of my life. It felt like a serendipitous moment. I walked over to them and slowly put my arms around Leroy. She hugged me back earnestly. “I am so sorry, Toy,” she whispered. “I know, my friend. I know,” I allowed the rest of my feelings to be conveyed in the way I held her. I was glad that she had changed; that she had healed. I was glad that she was alive and well; here to experience the future with Laika and her family, as well as my own. I was glad that we were here, on the other side of her most likely painful journey, to embrace her and love her, still. I was glad that we could love her in a way that wouldn’t enable her to hurt herself or anyone else no matter how afraid she became. I felt tears cascade down my cheeks as Tracy’s words came back to me. I said a silent prayer that we would always have hope that help would come when we needed it most. And love too. And love too. Mercy Thokozane Minah © The Letter X Publishing House, 2018. You can support my work using this tip service and buy me coffee.

This post was first published on the blog The Letter to X.

Read the entire series of these stories under #LetItRainSeries, published every Wednesday. For all the articles and pieces on #QueeringTheCloak (our series on abuse and violence in queer women communities) click here.

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[uhlexaleem]

since this is my first blogpost on this account and 2017 is about to die, i’ll start off with the things and people that i wanna thank for that helped me a fuck ton lot in realizing things. but im not about that namedropping.

i started my january sprung on someone who didn’t give a fuck about me. so, lil bitch, i am happy u were there during your convenient hours and it made me realize that i deserve so much more than sacrificing my own time just waiting for your idiot ass.

feb. i was still sprung butttt it was my 2nd month in my internship. i’ll give this one to my mentors who became my friends in the end even tho i’m so reserved in meeting new people (my walls are high). i love y’all for the late night hangouts and subversive stuff my overprotected ass have been trying to do.

march. oh my lazy month. i didn’t fucking care about anything in this month and i wanted to just gtfo of makati stress because my first internship ended. i’ll give this one to my friends who lived with me in the dorm. makati life became tolerable and it’s all thanks to you who tried to understand my betchiness. i’ll never forget eating canned goods and using that communal microwave.

april. to my 2nd internship family that accepted my application even tho i’m fucking late and even adjusted to my time. i received too many mixed feelings from y’all from bitching at me because i’m lazy and watching riverdale in the office to being considerate because i’m such a sweet girl and male mentors lowkey wanna fucc

may. to my internship adviser who supported me and gave me advices coz duh for my indecisive self. it was such a time where none of my friends really give a whole damn fuck to my strivings because they already finished or about to finish their own internships. u were there. thanks for that anddd the fact that you tried to find ways on how to make me graduate on time. lolers.

june. my bday month. thanks to everyone who remembered or greeted me ig. and!!! i graduated on this month so… just wanna thank everyone who said CONGRATULATIONS.

july. wanna thank my sisters and cousins for late nights and drinking and let’s say it, smoking with me. i’m too lucky to have you all sometimes i’m thinking i don’t deserve your bullshit stories. but yeah i’ll just make bawi when i come back to ph. you all deserve my hugs and kisses xoxoxoxo

august. this time i got onto a fucking app again. my drunk gaming got strong, and i was just feeling my age. i am fucking 20 and i curse a lot. some of you actually became my friends that i still talk to until now, and it’s all great. one of the things i liked about it is that, i get different perceptions of life from random people, and my organs—like my brain, got stimulated A LOT. so thanks ;>

september pt 1. to my dad who gave me money after i graduated because i do all the household chores and i folded his clothes. not only for that, i’m also thanking him for being A DAD. nuff said. he the best.

september pt 2. to my lola who gave me money as well i’m so spoiled and tried to help me find a job in our local area even though i cringe at the thought of actually working with the same faces. i mean???????????

september pt 3. actually thanks to my cool but protective uncles and to my aunts who supplied my boujee stuff. what will i do without these clothes and shoes??? i’d also like to add that job one of you offered but as you can see, my cuteass was about to leave for dubai.

october. thanks to mom for bringing me to dubai YAY!! thanks for putting me first and all that cheesy shit mothers love to do. thanks for the occassional nagging. ghad ur femaleness. *insert eyeroll*

november. i dont really know who to thank so can i just give this one to my pretty-much-well-rounded-music-taste? in extension to thanking my PMWRMT, i’d also like to thank the artists who made it possible. (i’m so laughing at this one)

december. who else do i thank? ah, myself. thanks for living and having a kinda dirty heart and soul. they corrupted my pure heart so it’s not my fault at all. with all the twists and turns that happened, i’m still here. i know youngins are saying they’re “trying to die” as a joke. let me sprinkle that with positive words and twist it a little for a more dramatic effect. me, well i look for the things to live for coz i’m already d e d inside.

***nothing follows***

[crashpaddiaries]

Dear Crashpad Diary #17

Yoooooooo my favourite beasts in this entire universe!! How are you doing??

Sweeeeeeeeeeeet, I hope! =)

Here, as usual, all great!! well… the climb has been great but the results are not that cool… can´t barely remember which one was my last nice send hahahaha

but these things are like this… we get a fantastic period and then… shit as a monkey without arms!! haha

BTW… I´ll understand if you don´t believe me… but we saw an armless monkey at the monkey temple…. crazy… isn´t it¿?¿?

and the animals are so cool that he was leaving normally… didn´t care about the things missing… he was jumping around and having a happy monkey life… whereas… human beings…. are so used to keep focusing on the faulty and finding excuses to not do it or that… that monkey should be used on these inspirational videos that pops pretty often in our Facebook timelines hehe

Lately, we have met loads of dogs… one of them is Scarface… haha the guys gave him this cute nickname cuz a bus ran over him when he was a kid and his snout broke… but as all the animals… if no one takes care of them… they simply learn how to live with that… exactly what happened… poor dog has his jaw and snout dislocated and looks weirdly cute!! =)

That same day we were going to grab some food (Dosas and Idlis are the best haha I have to write a post about the food soon!! haha)… well…. and we found two puppies on the street… actually… Nikhill… a friend of ours found the dogs and could not left them on the road… at the exact spot that Scarface had the accident… so… we brought the dogs to Hampi… put them on the dirty road and they ran into a hole just beside it… disappearing for few secs… but only one came back… the brown one… the one with black spots just found her path hehe independent and strong woman han!! =)

As the brown one stayed… we started going everywhere with here… she even joined us at the crags… we named her Katie Brown as we all had just watched the Pilgrimage (climbing movie recorded in Hampi, starring Chris Sharma, Nate Golg and Katie Brown haha)… The movie session was cool… I talked to the owner of the guesthouse we are staying and got the movie night with pizza and friends!! What a great night!! =)

Oh… not even the dog helped us finding some of the boulders that we would like to have a go and couldn’t even spot them haha the maps aren’t that good just for a change haha

In Rocklands we couldn’t find a boulder that should be pretty easy to be found… we found the place but no boulder… it seems the aliens took that one…

but over here is even funnier… cuz the Hampi guidebook mentions: “Magnolia - 7c… extremely hard to find!“ Wait… that´s one of the reasons I consulting a guidebook… to help me find it… that it is hard to find the problems among the trillion thousands of boulders here, I already knew!! hahaha

So far we are looking for this problem… haha we thought of putting its pic on milk carts!! haha

Also… there is a legend of the sleeping buddha… the problem should be somewhere close the relax area, which we have already been to, but there´s no way to go further and we think this has been taken by the aliens too!! haha

The movie night at the guesthouse get us all psyched to watch a new movie that come just out… it is a hindi movie called Dangal… it´s based on a true story and it is about wrestling… such a great one… really well made and funny… the subject could not be more appropriate… haha to get to the movie I have to basically fight the indians haha It´s cool cuz they get so excited for it that the chaos escalates pretty fast haha we got there and the gates at the cinema were closed… cool… lets wait…. after few mins there was a huge amount of people waiting outside… once the gates opened you can imagine how crazy the things got… people running… to the queue…. another queue being formed just beside… people running to the women´s queue… motorcycles just beeping… more motos honking… people from the other session leaving… people drinking chai and running… people drinking chai and forming a third queue… a guy taking picture with Alfonso… Stephen avoiding getting hit by a kid driving a motorcycle twice of his size… loud and noise tuktuks outside… in the meantime I was running and trying to make my choice for which one of the three queues hahaha decided for the one that was kinda organised…. haha I know… what a newbie!!

When I was going to the end of that queue I had to go around a metal thing… haha simultaneously at least 3 indian guys jumped it and got in front of me haha what a newbie right hahah… after mins waiting and fighting against the “not official queues” we got the tickets!! sweeeeet!!

the side note here goes to the excitement and interaction during the movie… anything… I mean ANYTHING that happens deserves loads of whistles, claps and hysterical screams hahahaha at the end of the movie I found myself whistling and shouting…. cheering the last fight!! hahahahahaha

Talking bout cheering and feeling the happiness fulfilling our soul, 2016 ended in the best way possible… with friends… lying down on the rocks… surrounded by nature… the darkness was only broken by the stars… few headtorchs and many many sparse bonfires that were enlightening the whole Hampi Island… such a fantastic and magical night… =)

As usual… something has to happen to give us some fun… this time was the crazy people trying to deal with the fireworks maybe 500 metres from where we were… we could see the headlamps… something being lighten up… the headlamps running and the fireworks going through the rocks on the ground instead of going towards the sky… over and over…. the fireworks that night haven’t served their purpose… no firework made the sky beautiful at midnight… instead, they made people run… jump… burn and for us… they meant some cramps by laughing uninterruptedly watching the lights running from the “bombs”!! hahahahaha

The new year started greatly… we almost got arrested because Alfonso wanted to take some pics climbing the temples… but the problem is that it is prohibited the climbing on those rocks hahahaha but it was all good… he got his pics… I took them before the security started shouting… whistling and shooting!! haha Just kidding… they didn’t shoot!! haha

To go to the temples is already an adventure on its own… they are situated on the other side of the river… to cross is we normally get a boat that costs 10 to 50 rupees… depends on the mood of the guy charging you… also… if you look like a rich person… if you just got there…. if the moon is in Aries or if it is full moon… as every price in india… you must be careful and get the info beforehand to avoid paying twice the price hahaha

Well… the boat business is going down at the same pace the water lever of the river gets to its lowest point… we can actually cross walking… actually its not walking… it is jumping through the rocks… cuz some days the level is a bit higher than the others and some rocks go under water and cannot be used… which brings a whole new grade to the sport haha which sport?? Jump-crossing rivers!! haha Right now the grades are between 3 and 4… where 1 is the easiest… the ones you just walk through it and get to the other border… and 7 is the ones you gonna start crossing the river in New Delhi and is gonna get out of the rapids in Bombay!! hahahahaha

The one we are doing now requires some jumps and its not bad… we have great fun… but we´ve seen some people not having fun at all…. fist because they got wet… second of all… their stuff go soaked…. third of all… they get pretty smelly…. fourth reason is that they couldn’t get out of the river without falling at least 3 more times because it is extremely slippery… another good reason for not have fun is the fact that they may have to go back and grab new clothes… and last but not least… everything just to save 10 rupees hahahahahahahha

It is a great craic only sitting and watching people crossing that point… while loads of people watch, others try to help, many cheer for them to succeed, there will be always those cheering for the fall too hahahahahaha Entertainment that only India provides!! hahahaha

Anywhere you go in this world, the people will bring you the best experiences and the best stories… like the rainbow people that has been around since I don’t know when getting together to go to the Rainbow Gathering… the thing is that no one actually knows where the fuck is the place hahaha thats so funny… they were gathering for forever and were camping in private land… so the police came and busted everyone… hahaha I met a guy that went down there and told me that people were sitting still and doing pretty much nothing for the whole day… so he came back hahahaha

The best was a girl that I bumped into when I was climbing… I was heading home when she passed by barefoot… kinda walking weirdly… I said hello as she kept going the opposite way… she stopped and asked how she could get to the road hahaha I let her know that she should go the other direction and that I was going that way… she could join me… during the short walk…. I mean… short for me coz for her it must have been painful and crazily long haha:… she told me that she had just got back her stuff cuz the police had confiscated everything from them…. but she didn’t get her shoes back and had to walk all the way barefoot… hahaha poor girl…. she wanted to get in touch with the nature and got it…. all the spikes from the bushes got in touch with her feet´s flesh!! hahahahah (sorry… I could never miss the joke heheheh)

haha sweet… I kinda wrote loads and have many many new things that happened lately… will stop here because it is huge already hehe

talk to yous soon and enjoy your life beasts!! =)

Have a greeeeat day and smile wherever you are!!

kmoooon fiesta!!

Evan

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz/dbo 23.05.17 lb

day 2! please god, let this be a better episode than whatever yesterday was. 😕😕😕

plain text version here. 

oufffff shivaaaay, such screamy. 😣😣😣

ohhhhhhh shit. i thought this was part of the "plan" he made with anika, but nope. BIG BROTHER KNOWS. AND HE IS NOT HAPPY. 😬😬😬

haaaaye, look at this innocent praani. “mujhe kuchhhh samajh mein nahi aa raha haiiiii.” pffft. 🙄🙄🙄

i'm totally relating with shivaay's teeth-grinding waala gussa. kyunki is nikkame ne kaam hi aisa kiya hai. 😠😠😠

before anyone accuses shivaay of being a hypocrite considering how he himself got married, lemme jump to his defense real quick: shivaay's always seen himself as the big bad wolf who does all the dirty work to protect the fam. he does the things he does SO THAT omRu can maintain their innocence and go through life as "the good ones" who never have the bear the weight of such actions on their consciences. i imagine he's very disappointed and angry that om too, fucked up at the start of his marriage in almost the exact same way he did (which is something he still hasn't forgiven himself for, even if anika has.) 😔😔😔

... suddenly subha's nose looks... not that different???? or have i just gotten used to it? 🤔🤔🤔

pffffffft, shut it buamaa. at this rate, shareef toh bas rudra bacha hai. warne baaki sab ke sab... khair chodo. ��😒😒

"hum teeno ne kuch decide kiya tha, ki ek dusre se kuch chupaayenge nahi"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OK SURE SHIVAAY. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

says the guy who JUST THIS MORNING was avoiding rudra's calls so that he didn't find out sahil had been kidnapped. lmfao, ok NOW you guys can go ahead and call him a hypocrite. 😊😊😊

ouff shivaay, i know this is 45 min ka episode and tujhe lamba kheenchna hai, but JUST SPIT IT OUT ALREADY. 😒😒😒

lol om and jhanvi's “oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit” faces. 😆😆😆

yup, the chairman of Organization for Upliftment of Oberoi Bahus is carrying out his duties much seriously. 😊😊😊

lmao pinky's face be like "ab yeh nayi gareeb kaun hai???" 😂😂😂

lmaoooooooo, way to drop a bomb on dadi, billu. socha bhi nahi ki woh buzurg hai, and the last time you pulled this shit nearly killed her???? she had to go on like, 4 theerth yatras to get over it.  🙃🙃🙃

lollllll rudra-anika arguing terminology. 😂😂😂

shivaay's pulling a real anjali from IPKKND on finding out about baby bro's secret wedding. 😗😗😗

no for real he looks so hurt tho. someone give my boy a hug. 😞😞😞

all i want to know is this: does shivaay know that this bulbul is the current maarta hua chulbul???? 😆😆😆

ohhhhhh boy. buamaa ne bhaanda phod diya. 😬😬😬

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PEOPLE DON'T FUCKING TALK TO EACH OTHER. 😑😑😑

and pinky, tum toh chup hi raho. badi aayi bataane waali. 😤😤😤

oh shit, NOW WHAT???? 😧😧😧

how did she escape the cops alreadyyyy??? 😯😯😯

OMG WHAAAAAAAAAAAT. i thought shivaay would be the one to face offfff with fauxlana, but IT'S JETHANI JI JR. TO THE RESCUEEEEEE. 

lol ok, too dramaticccc anika. tone it down a little. 😗😗😗

wah. devarji gets in on it too! 😊😊😊

all i want in life is a devar like rudra. 😘😘😘

lmao, though we've never seen you use this body rudra???? your brothers are always having to do the haathapai themselves. 😕😕😕

lo, bade bhaiyya bhi utar gaye maidan mein. ab toh haar maan lo, behenji! 😂😂😂

lol, how much older than SHIVAAY is svetlana supp to be???? 🤔🤔🤔

also hello, what happened to that fast approaching birthday of shivaay's? did we miss it? 😐😐😐

again, no one is bothering to ask her WHY SHE WANTS TO DESTROY THEM. they're just like “yeah, everyone wants to kill us, we're used to it now. 🙄🙄🙄”

bua maaaaa, you're just adding flame to fire. kyun bechaare shivaay ko aise jalaaa rahi ho? 😟😟😟

aw. billuuuuuu. *pats his floofy hair* 😔😔😔

"O bhi bareilly jaake SSO pt. 2 ho gaya."

and therein lies the root of all the problems. and awwwww, poor rudy boy was feeling left out. 😪😪😪

MAN I MISSED THE OBROS. I REALLY REALLY MISSED THESE BOYS AND THEIR BONDDDDDDDDDDD. WHY CAN'T WE JUST HAVE ONE SHOW AGAINNNNN?????? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

ok this “one for all bs” i did not miss. 😒😒😒

OBRO HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 *THROWS MYSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS HANDSOME MAN SANDWICH AND ABSORBS ALL THE LOVE* 😚😚😚

mystery solved: shivRu didn't know chulbul = bulbul. 😅😅😅

LMAOOOOOOOOO SHIVAAY'S FACE. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

ok, i guess everyone's just glad om didn't threaten rape/kidnap anyone to coerce gauri into marrying him that they're all like YAAAAY WEDDING TIME HAPPY TIME. 😕😕😕

dadi doesn't have naseeb to watch any of her kids' weddings. ab bas prinku ek aakhri umeed ka chiraag bachi hai. 😌😌😌

shivaay toh chun chun ke badla le raha hai. if he had to go through all that, he's gonna make damn sure that om suffers through it all too. 🙃🙃🙃

lolololol om's face. so enthused. 😐😐😐

ok shivaay has a lot of opinions on ladkiyaan and their shaadi ke sapne and armaan. 😕😕😕

you guys, don't come for my boy like thisssss. HE'S TRYING OK?????? 😖😖😖

shaadi ke 6 mahine BAAAD pre-wedding functions. this fam is fucking bonkers. chalo, mainu kiiii. maine toh bas dekhna hai. 🙄🙄🙄

i was just thinking where this tikiya chotiiiii was. 😑😑😑

anika ne toh matlab, full on adopted gauri. she's the rudra to gauri's anika. 😊😊😊

which bhaabi you talking to? use their names, kid. 😐😐😐

aaaaaand her nose is back to looking f'd up. 😕😕😕

lmaooooo i missssed rudra's taaang adaaana so much. 😂😂😂

"MAIN jaa raha hoon" 

*firmly grasps HER hand and quickly pulls her along* 😏😏😏

snorttttttt, rudra. ek hi dialogue kitni jagaon pe maaroge? 😆😆😆

lol all the big brothers taking their wives and leaving poor rudy boy alone. 😂😂😂

OMG GOOD DADI STILL CONSIDERS SUMO AS "BIWI". 😧😧😧

pleaseeeeeeeeeee god, let all this love ka magiccc shit be referring to SAUMYA. 💗💗💗

siiiiiiiigh, i guess this is our new girl. *moodily stares at her* 😕😕😕😒😒😒

YAAAAAAAAAS, ANIKA/GAURI BONDING!!!!!!!!! THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE FEBRUARYYYYYY!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭

... what about the super serious conversation om took gauri to have tho???? 🤔🤔🤔

omfg pinkyyyyyy i hate youuuuuu. please die, thanks. 👿👿👿

hee hee hee, rudra getting his two grumpy older brothers ready. 😂😂😂

lmaoooo om's frustration with his jackettttt. what a child. 😆😆😆

"UNCLE" omfg. 😂😂😂

the uncles do not look amused. 🙈🙈🙈

let's all take a moment to appreciate shivaay in black tho. haaaaaaye. i am truly blessed today.  😻😻😻😻😻😻

"apne bhaiyya saade dus se pehle so jaate hai. o saade dus ke baad hi dikhta hai, aur mera kya hai, main toh dikhta hi nahi hoon!"

lolololol dude, i love these meta jokes ok. they never get old to me. 😂😂😂

yeah, how many times have you idiots made this promise to each other? fuck it, just give up now. 🙄🙄🙄

my man rudra spitting the truth about how fucked up this house is. WE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO THE GIRL IN THE FREEZER. 😫😫😫

"ek ghante ka episode hai. mahasangam." 

snort. 😂😂😂

looking gooooooood, 3rd generation oberois. i love prinku's earrings. 😍😍😍

waaaah, synchronized entry by the girls. 😌😌😌

look at the contrast in faces of the boys tho. 😂😂😂

meme time! your crush looking at you when you enter a room.

expectation: 

“OMFG. AN ANGEL. MUST KISS NOW.” 

reality:

“WHO DIS BASIC?” 

hey guys??? where's tej? did 🐊🐊🐊 jango 🐊🐊🐊 eat him when no one was looking? 😶😶😶

ok that was a realllllllllll contrived fall. BUT I'M NOT COMPLAINING, BECAUSE HAAAAAYE LOOK HOW BOOTIFUL MY BABIES LOOK. 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

HOLY SHIT BOY. HOW YOU LOOK AT HER LIKE THIS AND NOT KISS HER??? HOW???? 😫😫😫

excuse me for a bit, i need to pause and admire his expression for 5 minutes. 😍😍😍

"thande thande paani se nahaana chahiye, shivaay bhaiyya ko anika bhabi ko pakadne ka bahaana chahiye." 

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. 😂😂😂

btw, does om not do shayari anymore? ghatiya as it was, i miss it. 😢😢😢

HOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT. 😧😧😧

MERI MAANO SHIVAAY, FUCK THE FUNCTIONS, JUST TAKE THE GIRL UPSTAIRS AND BANG. 😯😯😯

"isse zyaada pyaar se toh police chor ko pakadti hai" 

pfffft, i'm sure fauxlana would disagree with you, dadi. 😝😝😝

ugh ommmmmmmmmmm. you're such an asshole these days. you need another talking to from bhaiyya and jethani ji, methinks. 😒😒😒

rudra, please be the checks and balances that the messed up riKara relationship needs right now. 🙁🙁🙁

he's trying to tell you that you look hotttt, girl. let him. 😏😏😏

haaaaaaaaye, theirrrrr smilessssssss. my babiesssssssssssss. 💖💖💖💖💖💖

OMGGGGGG HE CALLED HER "KHIDKIIIIIIITODDDD KHOOBSOORAT" I CAN'TTTT HANDLEEEEEEE. I... THEY'RE... 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

PINKY GTFO WITH YOUR BURI NAZAR. *waves nimbu mirchi around my children's head* 😠😠😠

ugh whyyyyyyyy is pinkyyyyy even here i hate her so much she's ruining everythinggggg I JUST WANT MY GIRL TO BE HAPPYYYYYYYY 😩😩😩

goddamn, nakuul just looks too fucking handsome today. they shoulda chipkaofied disclaimer at start of episode so i could have mentally prepared myself. 😣😣😣

"warning: show ka hero aaj full black pehne hue BEHADH AMAZEBALLS lagta hai, aur pyaaaar bhari aankhon se heroine ko ek ghate ke liye lagataar dekhta hai. kripya show saavdhaani se dekhein." 

competition: whose zeher bhari kaatil nazrein are worse, pinky's or om's???? 😬😬😬

i guess this is the remarriage plot we've all been waiting forrrr. look how happy my girllll looooooks. she deservesssss it, my queeeeen. 😌😌😌

poor gauri. *pats her extremely beautiful head* 😞😞😞

awwwwwwwwwww, bade bhaiyya and bhaujaiiii are here for moral support. 😊😊😊

honestly, i don't care if this show doesn't have a plot anymore, i just wanna see shivaay and anika's loving and supportive relationships with everyone else in the fam. and a sesky scene with them in every episode. 🙃🙃🙃

ok don't like this weird tinkly happy "saathiya". it's weird. 😕😕😕

BOY STOP LOOKING AT HER LIKE THIS. LIKE... HONESTLY, MY FUCKING HEART CANNOT HANDLE THIS AFTER A LONG HARD DAY OF WORK. REHEM KARO MUJHPARRRRR. 😩😩😩😩

OMFG, I SPOKE TOO SOON. I SPOKE TOO SOON. TOO MUCH HOTNESS. MY FACE IS MELTING. 😧😧😧😲😲😲

"normal log jo hote hai... tumhari tarah nahi, NORMAL..." 

pffffffffft. hello kettle, this is pot. YOU'RE BLACK. 🙄🙄🙄

PYAAAAAAAR. DID HE SAY PYAAAAAAR???? 😯😯😯

omfg their little finger wrigglesssss at each other. I AM FUCKING DYING FROM THE CUTE. I AM I AM I AM. 😍😍😍😍😍😍

i honestly need to fucking pause and lie down for a bit, coz jesus christ this is just getting too much for me. ☠☠☠

"sanki singh oberoi kabhi bhi sweet singh oberoi ban sakta hai." 

YEAH BITCH SOME WARNING WOULDA BEEN NICE THO?!?!?!! 😩😩😩

pedantic singh oberoi can't let go of the "happy birthday" thing, can he? 🙃🙃🙃

awwwwwwwwww. new kangannnnnn. 😊😊😊

NOWWWWW PLEASE DON'T GIVE THESE AWAY, YOU OVERLY SACRIFICIAL IDIOT GIRL. 😒😒😒

pehle se her haath are so full, kangan pehnaayega kaise? 🤔🤔🤔

men, so easily freaked out by tears. pffffft, babies. 🙄🙄🙄

yes, get the cheapdi outttttt already. while you're at it, throw mummeh out toooo!😤😤😤

and bring mahi ve in!!!!!! 😊😊😊

ouffffffff oh, again with the 20 year old songs. whyyyyyy can't this show afford newer songs???????? honestly. 😑😑😑

who these random ppl who justttt showed up to dance? 🤔🤔🤔

also, you ppl know my sentiments to naach gaana... so fwding. ⏩⏩⏩

GOD. SUCHHHHHHHH HEAVY HANDED WITH THE SHIVAAY SINGING TO OMKARA BIT. WHAT NONSENSE. AWAIIII KA DRAMA. 🙄🙄🙄

lmao, om certainly got persuaded pretty easily to dance. 😂😂😂

whereeee was buamaaa allll this timeee? 😐😐😐

shivaay's happiness since discovering gauri is fucking amazing. i love it. may it become x1000 once he discovers devrani = saali. 😇😇😇

ok are the last 10 min just slo mo dancing? 😒😒😒

YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT WOULD BE A FUCKING AMAZING TWIST RN? IF ROOP BUA CAME BACK RIGHT NOW. WITH MRS. KAPOOR. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 😈😈😈

guess we have to settle for NT ka cheapdapan. 😒😒😒

lol dadi and buamaa's faces = mine. 😒😒😒

lmaooooooooo sahil escaped his confinement to come jam with everyone. 😂😂😂

nazarrrrrrrrr toh ghar ke andarrrr ke logg hi laga rahe hai, hmph. 😤😤😤

haaaye my babies. such beautifullll. 😍😍😍😍😍😍

lol sharmaaa kyun raha hai billuuu? remember when you brought a buffalo into the house to get her to throw gobar at you???? 😆😆😆

lol shivaay be like 😂😂😂:  

also, bitch please, she already told you she loves you. no need to get all oooooooh pyaaaaar. you’re the one who hasn’t told her yet! 😒😒😒

also, KAHIN BHI SHURU HO JAATE HO, KISI KE BHI SAAMNE????? THODA SA TOH CONTROL KARO! 😧😧😧

lmao, everyone ELSE is feeling awkward, but yeh bhaisaab toh is too high on pyaaar to notice. 😂😂😂

tum aur tumhara pati kisi aur ko bolne de toh woh bolein. 😑😑😑

lol shivaay helpfully translating "gaiyyaaan" for everyone. 😂😂😂

lmao anika's impressed face + shivaay's slightly intimidated face @ "dabanggg gauri" 😂😂😂😂😂

"jaise electronics ke saath manual aata hai, in bhaabiyon ke saath dictionary aani chahiye" 😂😂😂😂

of course shivaay thinks "jhaap" is a high five. 🙄🙄🙄

precap: OMG YAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS SHIVAAAAAAAAAAY FINALLLLLLLLLY KNOWSSSSSS. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽