#could you make the shrek meme and have him go ‘they aren’t even doing it in a trans way’

[anarchypumpkincowboy]

Please please PLEASE can y’all stop genderbending one character to make a gay ship straight

You aren’t even doing it in a trans way!!! Stop it! I will bonk you with a cardboard tube don’t think I won’t

[ofide]

wait i want to hear more about how shrek is good

ok i made a short post here but i can keep going. split into 5 parts and under a readmore for your joy

1. the soundtrack

shrek essentially used the jukebox musical formula of picking popular songs that reflected the mood and/or situation without being a jukebox musical. it’s not that common for movies with this type of soundtrack to not fall into the trap of just using whatever’s popular at the time, and it really enhances those scenes. people joke about how now those songs are just “shrek songs” but they’re there for a reason and i’ve already said that being associated with shrek isn’t a bad thing.

2. the themes

the two themes of shrek are not judging people based on their appearances (and, unlike many other media both for kids and for adults, it doesn’t undermine it with magical transformations and whatnot) and letting yourself be loved. this second message may be appreciated more by audiences who are more grown, maybe revisiting the series, but its seeds are still planted in kids who watch it and it’s good. shrek is afraid of being vulnerable cause of the way he’s treated by others but as he slowly opens up to donkey and then fiona he manages to let himself be loved and to love in return. and since this is a complicated process, setbacks are to be expected so it has the double benefit of making the sequels feel fitting. of course he will close up again when he meets fiona’s family, and of course he feels overwhelmed by his new life. all the sequels (except for the third) make sense and have a story to tell that doesn’t feel forced. the natural build up of learning to open up to a select group of people to facing society and all that comes with it not only justifies a sequel, it renders it something you seek out, and the same thing happens with forever after.

3. it doesn’t undermine the message!

as i’ve mentioned earlier, many movies fall into the trap of having a message and undermining it through the design or casting. beauty and the beast stories are a classic example of this, where if you ignore appearances you’ll be rewarded with a good-looking prince. stories for an older target tend not to be so straightforward, but it’s noticeable how typically whenever the main characters are outcasts they’re never too much so, and they’re often compared to worse outcasts who make them look good in comparison (don’t bring up your favourite indie movie or tv show that came out 3 years ago now, remember that shrek is one of the most well known movies of all time and it came out two decades ago). the whole second movie is about shrek struggling with how his life would be easier if he looked “normal”! and in case you’re thinking i’ve forgotten about fiona, i haven’t. in fact, how many female characters can you name who are portrayed as being desirable without being designed to be desirable to the viewer? all of this is without even getting into how she’s her own character, which gets explored more so in the first and fourth movies. she was created to be a subversion of the damsel in distress, of course, but in the fourth movie which came out years later she saves herself et cetera er cetera but it doesn’t feel empty like in many #girlempowerment media. she’s not a Strong Female Character cause she uses weapons, she’s a strong female character because she’s respected and most of all she doesn’t exist for shrek. it’s shown in the movie that their love is what will save the day but she rejects him because she has changed as a person and he has to accept that. he has to accept that she’s more than his perfect half, that she’s someone who is his soulmate, yes, but she’s her own person first. i’ll admit i haven’t watched the fourth movie in a while but i remember her feeling different from, like, marvel ladies who run around in high heels and are strong because of that. i definitely remember there being some scenes dedicated exclusively to her, which is yes the bare minimum but still something that often doesn’t happen. basically, the very thing that it gets mocked for (having main characters with “unappealing” designs) is what makes it work.

4. it’s just a good movie

yeah i mean you can put all the good ideas you want in a movie but it has to be good and well. shrek is good. it has some gross out humor like a lot of children’s properties (even though it isn’t that jarring since sometimes it’s even used for characterization), it has some outdated things for more conscious modern audiences but those are also in a lot of things made years ago. shrek is still good. the setting of modern world with a medieval fantasy coat of paint works and it can be used for so many gags! the plots aren’t unique on a purely technical summary level but the approach is fresh and the execution is good. the chemistry between the characters works, the pacing is good, all the technical details are there and so are the emotional ones. i literally don’t know what else to say in this regard cause of course if it was a bad series i wouldn’t be defending it like this.

5. to conclude

there have been people who have talked about shrek in an objective way, without getting distracted by how hey it’s a meme! you know the movie that is a meme cause the main character is an ogre! , most notably schaffrillas productions. i could talk about how as a kid i liked it even though i hated a lot of movies that weren’t about animals and i only realized why when i got older (something about how the main characters are “outcasts” for no reason to be relatable, and you know they’d never be an outcast in real life cause they’re nothing like you, and you know that cause the characters like you were still the butt of the joke). shrek was made for different demographics cause it works on different levels, but the part for kids seemed to be made for kids like me. the message wasn’t “you’re secretly normal and the weirdos are others”, or “deep down you’re actually super special and cool and they’re just jealous”, but “even if you’re different it’s okay. even if you’re different in a way that is considered bad. you can still find people who love you and you can love them.”

it’s just incredible how, although it’s one of the most influential animated movies of all time, what got copied was the crude humor and the parody aspect (which is often implemented just for the sake of doing a parody) and not the heart of it.

[brandstifter-sys]

Their Swamp

Word Count: 906                              (Ao3)

Pairing: Dukexiety

Rating: T+

Warnings: Gore Mention, Sex Mention, Food Mention

Dukexiety Week: Day 7 - Movie Night. Virgil and Remus settle in to watch a movie and banter. Feat. ftm!Remus

@dukexietyweek​

-----

"Popcorn incoming!" Remus shouted and flopped on Virgil's bed, holding a large bowl of the stuff. Virgil winced at the few kernels that landed on his bedding but didn't voice any complaint. How could he? Remus was smiling at him, unbound and shirtless, happy and ready for a night of movies, cuddles, and maybe a scuffle.

"So what are we watching? Corpse Bride? Coraline? The Black Cauldron?" Remus asked and cuddled up next to him. Virgil shrugged and pressed play, letting the opening credits roll. 

"Shrek?" Remus asked and looked up at his boyfriend. Virgil shrugged, "Why?" 

"A movie about an outcast finding love and friendship without having to change. It's not just a meme." 

"But the meme is fun!" 

"You would know, you gremlin."

"As I lay me down to sleep, I pray thee Shrek my soul to keep!" Remus sang and kissed his cheek, "but my butt is reserved!" 

"I mean if I share Shrek with you, sure. But I called dibs, on his, y'know." Virgil countered and shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth. 

"You would bone Shrek!?" Remus laughed and set the popcorn bowl aside. Virgil was not getting out of this one with snacks!

"Yeah," Virgil said as he chewed, "Who wouldn't?" 

"The others, Thomas—no wait, he might since we both would—Picani, the Dragon Witch, Sleep, those Zodiac guys, the Months, the super slow heroes, the—"

"It was a figure of speech, Puppy," Virgil swallowed and cut him off, "But you're right, only morons wouldn't want to have a piece of Shrek." 

"Yeah, I guess they aren't ready to let that ogre into their swamp!" Remus giggled and pulled Virgil into a hug, "This thot knows he wants to get a taste of the green!" 

"I'm lucky I can get a taste of the green whenever I want," Virgil jeered. 

"Oh? Got a Shrek blow-up doll?" Remus teased and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Nah, but I have a replacement who's even better. Green, hot, lovable, loud, gross, and he has a bad rep," Virgil said and playfully shoved him with his shoulder.

"And you're not sharing him with me!?" Remus gasped and threw a hand to his chest like a scandalized Hollywood starlet.

"Cuddlefish," Virgil sighed and shook his head, pulling the duke closer. Remus' face lit up.

"That's okay! I have my own Shrek replacement! He's scary, sarcastic, sexy, witty, and he's got layers!" 

"Sounds like a jerk to me," Virgil jeered. Remus flicked his nose and pulled him into his lap. It was kinda funny to see a hulking sulk happily seated in his smaller boyfriend's lap, but anyone who dared laugh at his Scare Bear would face Remus' wrath.

"He's a big stinky jerk who I jerk off to!" Remus teased and licked his cheek, "My big stinky jerk!" 

"Ew!" Virgil laughed, "TMI Dukey." 

"You brought up Shrek and boning him! Do you really don't expect me to get dirty?" Remus scoffed, "You know me!" 

"Yeah, I do. If I didn't you wouldn't be on my bed watching a dumb movie with me." 

"Shrek isn't dumb! But I don't mind making out instead!" Remus teased.

"Yeah? Well you should put a shirt on if that's what you want. I plan on sleeping tonight, not going all ogre in your swamp." 

"No!" Remus huffed and stuck out his tongue, "I'm not letting your bootylicious ass go until my legs need to be amputated! Even if we don’t go on that adventure! Free the tiddy, Danny Sidebangs! They’re as wild and free as me and I’m not moving to cover them with a shirt!" Virgil sighed and rolled his shoulders. 

"You knew you were going to get this later anyway," he said and shrugged off his hoodie. Remus squeaked when Virge tossed it in his face. Remus pulled it on but didn't zip it up, allowing his chest some breathing room. He hugged Virgil and booped his nose. 

"You're so sweet!" 

"Like the scent of decay?" Virgil teased and kissed his forehead.

"Exactly! This is why you're my Princess Fiona!" 

"Because I can kick your ass and I only get gross as hell around you?" 

"That too!" Remus giggled, "But also because you never expected to fall for me and then look at what happened!" 

"I got with a shrekist instead of a pastafarian," Virgil groaned and rolled his eyes. Remus laughed and held him closer. 

"I would rescue you from a tower and smooch you til you get as nasty as me!" Remus said. Virgil huffed and kissed him sweetly. 

“What makes you think I’m not already, Puppy?”

“Then I guess I’d smooch you til we’re decaying zombies! Unless my lips fall off, then you might be out of luck!” Remus cheered and licked his cheek, “You’d get a lot more tongue then!” 

“You know you give me plenty of tongue as is, you might as well rip it out of your mouth and put a bow on it. But then you wouldn’t have much of a chance to talk, and I kinda like hearing your voice.”

“God, Virge, you know just what to say to make me all soft and gooey! I love you, Scare Bear!”

"I love you too, even if you had me talking through 'All Star,'" Virgil jeered and kissed his forehead again. Remus giggled and nuzzled his shoulder. He could hold off on comparing their relationship to Donkey and Dragon and savor the moment.

[purplesurveys]

921

LOL was gone for a while to attempt doing that ridiculous 5000 survey myself again and I really thought I was going to breeze through it this time. 2 1/2 weeks and 2500 questions later, I need a fucking break. Need normal surveys plz.

What was the best thing to happen to you this week? Got to visit Gabie today! I brought Cooper as well so that she, her sisters, and their puppy Tofu could finally meet him. Fun day, but I am beat. The blackout yesterday also made me revisit painting, and that felt so good too.

Where do you put your keys when you get home? It always differs, idk why I never picked up a routine. Sometimes I set it on the dining table, other times on the decorative table in the living room, and other times I bring it up with me to my room.

Do you prefer hot coffee or iced coffee? I preferred hot (warm would be more accurate) for the longest time but once I went iced, I never wanted to go back. 

What's your phone background picture? I recently changed my lock screen to one of Audrey Hepburn. My home screen is still Hayley Williams.

If you could move to any country, what would it be? Anywhere with a clean and honest government sounds like heaven.

Have you ever seen a snake in the wild? No. Can’t say there’s a lot of them here in the city, and I’ve never seen any in my trip to provinces either.

What's your favourite movie from the 80s? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Do you have any posters, paintings or other artwork on your walls? I have at least one of each of these, yes.

What would your dream wedding be like? Huge. I’d want a long guest list, expansive food choices, and acts that can provide good music throughout the evening. I never really throw parties for myself, so I would want at least my own wedding to be big.

Would you ever take a trip to space if given the chance? Yesssssss.

How do you cope with anxiety? I'm lucky to have found different outlets, so that said I usually choose from taking surveys, watching a favorite channel on YouTube, turning to my dogs, going to social media to see dumb memes, or taking a nap altogether. Of course there’ll always be those days where none of these work out and I’ll have to just cry through the anxiety attacks until they’re over.

Are you expecting any phone calls or emails? I’m expecting an email from my college, yes. I’m currently applying for civil service eligibility and they’re asking for documents that only the college can provide, so I emailed them a couple of days ago asking for assistance, and that’s considering we’re still under a lockdown and most offices are still under skeleton staffing.

What's the weather like in your part of the world right now? LOVELY. I actually wear oversized sweaters to bed now and I even managed to wear a thick denim jacket out today. The rainy weather has settled beautifully, and I’m perfectly fine with 24ºC-28ºC everyday.

What was the last takeout food you ate? My mom bought me and my siblings a chicken sandwich and chicken nuggets each from McDonald’s last week.

Who makes you laugh the most? Definitely someone from my college barkada. I can’t decide whether it’s Aya, Kate, JM, or Jum; they’re all equally hilarious as fuck.

Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? See these questions are always weird to me because my country has its own naming customs; it’s basically a mix of American and Spanish customs. We have two first names (where Westerners would understand their second ‘first’ name to be their middle name) and our actual legal middle name is our mother’s maiden surname (which I think doesn’t apply at all in the Western world). So to answer this I’ll go with our own customs and say that no, I don’t know of anyone who has the same middle name as me. It’s not a very common surname anyway.

What did you have done the last time you saw a dentist? Had a tooth removed. I don’t think it was a wisdom tooth; it was just a tooth at the back of my mouth that had been in pretty bad shape for years but was only discovered at that time.

What does a successful relationship look like to you? I believe the formula is different for every couple. Like I value constant communication and checkups, but others might not feel the need to be clingy or update their significant others all the time.

What do you like to put on your baked potato? Don’t really have these a lot, but I remember when my mom used to make baked potatoes with bacon and cheese and those were unbelievably good.

What field of science interests you the most? Biology. <3 I���m sure I would’ve taken up medicine if I only wasn’t so bad in the rest of the sciences.

What's the closest shop or restaurant to your house? There aren’t any nearby shops since I live in a gated community, but once you get out of the village’s main gate, the first thing to the left is a McDonald’s. To the right is a small complex with a hair salon, burger place, music school, and one of those boujee stores that sell hype clothing.

Do you have any family that live in another country? So many relatives. We’re Filipinos, man. We migrate everyfuckingwhere. As far as I know I have family living in the US, Canada, Vietnam, Japan, China, Australia, and New Zealand.

What colour is your couch? Gray.

Do you know how to care for plants and keep them alive? Not at all. Every single plant that I’ve been given as a gift or party giveaway has died on me.

What was the most memorable birthday you've had? 18th was awesome. Cruise trip, hotel stay with friends, Tiendesitas + noodle date with Gab. How I got away with three separate celebrations without my parents saying anything about it I’ll never know.

Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains? Beach. The area where I live is mountainous as it is; as someone who’s always lived and studied in the city, a trip to the beach in the province never gets old.

What do you do for work? I don’t have any yet but I’m waiting for openings for our national agency for either history, or culture and the arts. My plans have shifted recently and I’m now eyeing to work for either instead of rotting away while underpaid at a corporate agency.

Have you ever been to see the circus? No. I wouldn’t be interested either; they all just seem so harsh and unethical. 

Are there any words that you hate or make you cringe? Sure.

What is the best house you've ever lived in? The one we live in today has been the most comfortable; but I also hold a lot of nostalgia for my dad’s parents’ house in Tondo because of how raw Manila life was there. Life wasn’t pretty, but it did feel real.

What was the first CD you ever bought? The first CD I actively wanted my parents to buy for me was probably the High School Musical soundtrack, heheh.

Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house? Yeah, always. Wanna make sure my shirt is tucked in properly (if it is), or that my jeans aren’t cuffed funny or whatever else.

What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? I’ve mentioned this before but it was the Indian dessert gulab jamun. Really did not expect the flavor that came in when it hit my mouth.

Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way? I’ve never had a legit job, but when Jeuel quit the org a couple of years ago because of ~irreconcilable differences~ between him and us officers in the executive board it did feel a tad bit dramatic and passive-aggressive.

What movie reminds you of your childhood? Shrek 2 or The Game Plan.

Do you know why your parents named you what they did? The singer named Robyn was really big then and they ended up being fans of the name.

Do you have any bills that need to be paid? None of my own. My parents usually pay the family bills immediately, so I don’t think we have any pending payments for now.

What do you like to dip your fries in? Mayonnaise.

Is your house clean or messy right now? It’s always clean as my mom is extremely tidy.

What was the last email you received? It’s one of the job-hunting websites I’ve signed up for, giving me job alerts for new openings in my chosen industries.

Do you know someone who speaks without a filter? Yeah and I know people who do it responsibly and those who just come off as tactless.

Are you in any social groups? We call our college group the Daydrinkers, since our friendship began when we started constantly hanging out at nearby bars at like 2 PM, during our breaks lol. I used to be in a barkada in high school but Angela and I broke apart from that since we couldn’t deal with Athenna’s toxicity anymore, though I still keep in touch with most of them, like Chelsea and Kaira. Since then Angela and I have formed our own group consisting mostly of Angela’s friends from architecture and Hans’ friends from Ateneo.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Sigh, around 4. I don’t know why it was so few, but it also means that I’m currently drowsy as all hell at 9:03 PM. I will most likely turn in for bed after this.

What's your favourite kind of museum? Those that cover history, so museums that have artifacts and fossils and shit.

Do you believe in alternate universes? I like the idea, and I love literature that explores the idea of alternate realities, multiple universes, pocket universes, etc. Whether or not I believe they exist...idk. I don’t think about it that much in literal terms. < Yeah pretty much. Gaby Dunn wrote an amazing piece on multiverses and that was what got me to find comfort in the idea.

Whose house did you last visit? I was at Gabie’s place this afternoon. We had burritos, talked about career prospects, and puppy-sat our babies.

What games do you play on your smart phone? I turn to 1010 when I’m bored or anxious. I have like 30 other games but I never touch them lol, but I do keep them should the time be right to whip them out.

Have you ever been to Los Angeles? I have not.

What was the first concert you ever went to? Paramore, February 2013. I was a late bloomer; kids my age started going to concerts at least three years before that.

Do you know anyone who is colourblind? I don’t think so.

What's your favourite season and why? The wet season, because it’s colder and I hate the heat during the dry season.

Are you the youngest, middle or eldest child in your family? I’m the eldest.

If you had to make something for a potluck, what would you make? I recently watched this phenomenal recipe for 48-hour chocolate chip cookies that looked absolutely bonkers when they were done baking. I’d for sure give those a try for dessert. If that fails I’d just buy the food so that what I bring is more guaranteed to be good.

What kinds of decorations do you put up at Halloween? My family has never cared much for Halloween. It’s not even a legit holiday, so as much as I love Halloween I don’t think I would spend for decorations myself to decorate my own place. The only instance I imagine doing so would be if I have kids of my own who may want to get into the Halloween ~spirit.

How many tabs do you have open right now? In my current window, eight.

What's something you've been meaning to do but keep putting off? Taking another online course, just because it’s great to learn new things and earn free certifications while at it. I haven’t been doing a good job at being consistent with them, though.

What's the first thing you check on your phone at the start of the day? Facebook since it’s my primary social media now. Literally never thought this day would come.

Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah but it’s been a while.

Who was your favourite music artist when you were 16? This was the time I was slowly moving away from my punk phase and inching closer to Athenna’s music tastes, so I was into acts like Hozier, Banks, Daya, Twenty One Pilots, etc.

What are three things you usually always have in your fridge? Water, bread, eggs.

[jupiterjunebug]

heyyyyyy you said to ask you bout them hcs about the councils war crimes.... and this is me..... asking away.... blease give me the hcs.... blease...

i was going to write like 200 words but here I am. here i am with a 1.5k word fuckin. Essay with multiple citations. Under cut because I Apologize For Being Like This.

Alright buckle in motherfuckers it’s time for my long andprobably fuckin’ stupid waxing poetic abt the political ramifications ofsylvains current…everything.

“But the worse that things got in Sylvain, because of thehumans, the stricter their laws got. And today they got some pretty draconianlaws in effect governing who can and can’t live there. And the outcasts, wellthey don’t really got anywhere to go.” That’s Mama, in the third episode ofAmnesty, talking about how sylphs ended up at Amnesty in the first place.

We never get an answer as to what EXACTLY “draconian” means. @transagentstern theorizes it’s in the form of a one child policy (hence whydani’s on earth, she has a brother), someone else said it might be a form ofsubspecies racism, my person hc both joking and serious is everyone got ousted forshit like jaywalking and littering. Either way, we’re first introduced to thelaws of sylvain as “they’ll take any opportunity to throw someone off the boatif it means it sinks slower.”

Then we meet Janelle and Vincent, who are NICE, and we meetwoodbridge who’s an ass, and we meet Alexandra who thinks Aubrey should go die.Woodbridge and Alexandra both Don’t Like Humans, but Woodbridge is so goddamnforgettable I deadass forgot he was a character until I started reading ficwhere he got brought up, and Alexandra’s the “im eleven so shut the fuck up”meme and also never onscreen.

The ones onscreen are Janelle and Vincent! Who are nice!Janelle mentor-figures Aubrey despite not having time, and Vincent asks forDVDs of human shut cuz he likes them, and it’s all good. It’s all jokes.

They’ve got some pretty draconian laws in effect.

It would be easy to blame all those laws on Woodbridge, whohates humans, and whose title as “Minister of Preservation” could be taken as“guy in charge of this awful triage situation.” You could blame it on Alexandraor the past Interpreters, and say that whatever they’re interpreting boileddown to “tell all the people that snowboard without a license that they have toleave.” You could say that “today” doesn’t mean they passed the WORST of thelaws recently, but that 200 years ago the laws were shit and they just got MOREshit recently (I do say this, actually, more on that later). That would meanit’s not even the current ministers faults! I mean, except maybeeee Woodbridge cuzhe’s a ghost and his “business” to finish before passing on might deadass besitting at sylvains sickbed until it dies or a miracle cure comes in.

Even if they didn’t make all the laws, even if they didn’tmake ANY of the laws, they still enforce them. Vincent might have a good funconvo with Aubrey about Shrek, but he and Woodbridge and the Interpreter andHell probably Indrid when he was around to some degree, and Janelle who isn’tblameless even if she was too busy reading her books to really pay attention atthe trials. They all still enforce them.

Like I said, this is an awful triage situation. It’s hard,living on a planet that’s in its death throes. They have to do something to keep people alive as longas possible, even if they AND all of the people on sylvain KNOW that it’sfutile you can’t just give up. But, you know, establishing a dictatorship whereyou can get exiled for reasons Mama considers “draconian,” well that’s. That’skinda. It’s not QUITE a war crime, and I’m not sure how else they would’vesolved the issue, but that’s the backdrop of this situation. Sure, Janelle andVincent are nice, but they or one of vincent’s subordinates were probablypersonally responsible for jake coolice getting ousted from sylvain, or atleast they didn’t stop woodbridge from doing it.

OK so step one is “we’re kicking half of our population out,we need to do this, this is the lesser of two evils.” Step two is “where do wesend them?”

The only option other than Earth or execution that I canthink of would be The Corrupted Lands. Now, kneejerk reaction is Earth soundscomparatively awesome for the exiles, yeah? Death is death, and The CorruptedLands would be WORSE than death cuz you end up infected with the Quell and allthat junk. At least on Earth you don’t end up, like, losing your entirepersonality and goi-

Barclay: Anotherday or so and we’re gonna start losing the stuff that we know and love aboutour friends Dani and Jake and Moira and the whole team here. So, as quick aspossible would be better.

Ned: What do youmean “losing stuff”? Are they gonna start dyin’!?

Barclay:Eventually, but before that happens they’re gonna start going a little bit…well, I guess, feral is the word.

Wow thanks for that reminder, this convo from Amnesty ep. 10that just started playing in the room all by itself. That’s right! Sylphs thatdon’t have crystals (like Indrid does, and Barclay is shown holding in thefirst ep, and we know do SOMETHING bc Indrid’s fine and Barclay doesn’t includehimself when talking about ppl going feral. So either that or somethingsomething Indrid and Barclay aren’t sylphs that’d be a whole ‘nother hc post imstopping that here) spend days slowly losing their will to live, then becomeuncontrollably violent, and then die!

But that won’t happen and the council knows that becauseAmnesty Lodge exi-

“-And the outcasts, well they don’t really got anywhere togo.” Thanks Mama. The Lodge wasn’t built on Sylvain’s orders. Every gateprobably DOESN’T have a convenient hotspring that prevents people from losingtheir goddamn minds, because look at that phrasing. They don’t have anywhere togo. The Council had no PLAN for where the exiles would end up, and in Kepler itjust so happens somebody else decided to MAKE a plan.

Techniiiically, before Kepler all the sylphs that weren’tgiven crystals could’ve been executed or sent to the CL. But I don’t think so.And the reasons why the councilmight’ve chosen to send people to earth instead of the other two optionsdepends on your interpretation.

It could be that they didn’t like the idea of having toactually square up and kill people like big kids, so they decided to exilethem. It could be that, while the thought of someone going feral on earth mightSUCK, there’s a CHANCE exiles might stumble on someplace like Amnesty, whereasthe CL WILL make you bonkers, and not the Dr. Harris kind, 100% of the time.More pragmatically, they might’ve been worried about executed people turning upas ghosts, and people in the CL coming to attack the wall.

Or it could be, yanno. War crimes.

Woodbridge hates humans. Granted, it seems like he hateseveryone. But his introduction to the show is literally him looking at the PGand saying “Hi, yes. I ensure the survival of our kind in the wake of yourworld’s countless ruthless assaults.” Alexandra’s not fond either, as herthoughts say: “I wish [Aubrey] would stop coming here. It’s her world’s faultthat Sylvain is dying in the first place.”

How recently did they start exiling people? Was it less thanthirty years? More than thirty years? I like to think it was more. In episode6, Dani says that her type of sylph gets a bad rap because some of her kind hasdrunk peoples’ blood to get more energy. The perception that vampires drinkblood has been around……….a long time.

Sure, that idea could’ve been around during/before theassault on sylvain when some dipshit sylphs just left of their own accord andthen decided to drink people for yolos. Or it could mean that people have beenexiled for a WHILE, and the fact that the laws got more “draconian” just meansMORE people have been exiled now.

A lot of non-violent cryptid sightings happening a long timeago could be chalked down to sylph that WEREN’T exiled goin’ and doin’ stuff,but killing someone to feed smacks of desperation OR being the sort of personthat hated humans so much that the first solution to “im hungry” was “im goingto eat a person.”

Either way. Picture this. Thirty-five years ago, the gate toKepler isn’t open. The gate to NYC is open.A sylph gets pushed out of it. There’s no springs, or if there is there’s noMama to guide them there. No Mama to help them fit in. They go feral in the middle of New York, or in the middleof where the gate before New York was, or the gate before that, or the gatebefore-

You get stories about monsters like the Jersey Devil,monsters that kill midwives and children. La Llorona, who drowns little kids,might look like Dani up close.

Sylvain is dying, and they’re at the rationing stage. TheCouncil has to know what happens tosylphs that don’t eat. The Councilhas to know they’re pushing people that might try to murder and eat humans intoa populated space. The Council has to know that they’re pushing people thatmight try to murder and eat humans into a space populated by a race thatdestroyed their planet.

Killing two birds with one stone.

[stardustreviews]

Blog All Day, Meme All Night

over a month ago, actual ray of sunshine @lynchmatthew​ tagged me in this and uhh i finally finished tweaking this blog so why not do it now!!

tagging @the-little-witches-books, @jostenne, @wylans, @pynchvinsky, and uhh anyone else who wants to!

╰☆╮1. YEET – which book would you yeet out of existence?

Highkey? A Court of Wings And Ruin. That was the book that made me realize that I just couldn’t read anymore Maas. I hated the way she wrote romance, how all her male characters were possessive, the half-hearted attempt at “representation”.

╰☆╮2. CRYING KIM K – which book gives you lots of feelings?

Girls Made of Snow and Glass by Melissa Bashardoust. I need to write a review for this at some point, but basically-- it’s an absolutely beautiful book, a feminist retelling of Snow White, and the mother-daughter relationship between Mina (the Wicked Queen character) and Lynet (the Snow White character) is meticulously, wonderfully crafted. I cannot recommend this book enough!

╰☆╮3. AMERICA, EXPLAIN – favourite book set outside the us?

The creator of this tag, @meriknihar​ definitely intended this to be an In-Unvierse question, so uhh,, Illuminae definitely counts, right? It takes place in our cosmos, just very far away in both time and distance. I just love how tight and unexpected the plots were, and the format they chose was so interesting

Otherwise, I’d say The Book Thief, which is set in Germany and made me cry my heart out.

╰☆╮4. RIP VINE – your saddest character death?

MAJOR ACOL SPOILERS AHEAD!!

A Darker Shade of Magic’s Holland Vosijk. V. E. Schwab created a beautiful, tragic character, and even thinking about him makes me sad again. He deserved the absolute fucking world, man.

╰☆╮5. WHAT ARE THOSE? – a book that left you confused?

Caraval by Stephanie Garber. It wasn’t that I didn’t get what was going on, but it was just too disorienting. The reader never really finds their footing in her story, and even at the end I was still not sure what was real and what was part of the performance. I don’t know, I guess I just felt like the protagonist’s agency didn’t mean anything when the rug was being pulled out from under everyone’s feet each chapter, and each twist seemed to negate the last. It was just too much.

╰☆╮6. BIG DICK ENERGY – favourite character with BDE?

It took me a while to figure this one out, but probably The Cruel Prince’s Jude Duarte. She will do whatever the fuck she can to get ahead, she refuses to be intimidated, and she’s an amazing Slytherin queen who is more than welcome to murder me if she wants.

╰☆╮7. I WON’T HESITATE BITCH – favourite book with a morally grey protagonist?

Vicious by V. E. Schwab. I read this the summer of my junior year and I fell in love with the story. She’s just,,, so good at crafting characters, and I need Vengeful now that it’s out.

╰☆╮8. MOVE, I’M GAY – favourite book featuring a lgbp+ romance?

Anyone who’s been around me for more than 2.3 seconds knows I am a weakass hoe for Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Córdova. It’s a fun yet dark adventure novel featuring Latina witches, realistic and loving families, lots of magic, and the softest wlw couple I know. My heart belongs to Alex and Rishi.

╰☆╮9. STREET SMARTS – favourite book featuring a protagonist whose strength is their intelligence?

Bitterblue by Kristin Cashore! Bitterblue is a puzzle of a book about mysteries and healing, and unlike the warrior Katsa, the titular protagonist doesn’t have strength or survival instincts. Instead, she has a deep desire to do good, and the brains needed to get to the bottom of the wound her father left on her country. (A close second is An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson; it’s a delightful story about a painter spirited away to Fae territories, and she survives largely due to her cleverness. Plus the book has some wonderful reflections of stagnation vs progress and the price of immortality,,, would highly recommend.)

╰☆╮10. ALEXA PLAY DESPACITO – character death you were happy about?

Severus Snape from Harry Potter. I don’t care that he was on The Good Side, and I really don’t care that He Will Always Love Lily. Severus Tobias Snape is a toxic slimebag, and when he joined the Wizard Nazis and called his best friend/crush a fucking slur, got butthurt that she didn’t want to hang with him anymore. He was willing to let an innocent man and a fucking baby be brutally murdered to save Lily, and even after she clearly rejected him, refused to get over her and let it become creepy and borderline-obsessive. The whole thing where he tore a photo of the Potter family so he could have Lily’s picture and no one else’s? And where he tore off her signature too? What the fuck. Also he has the emotional maturity of a 12 year-old, taking his anger out on two innocent and already traumatized children, to the point where he was one of those children’s greatest fear that is not okay. Anyways he can choke.

╰☆╮11. THEN PERISH – a book you DNFed?

Snow Like Ashes. I didn’t get very far into it, but I remember the premise not really grabbing me, and then it was due back to the library and I didn’t really care enough to get it ever again.

☆╮12. KERMIT SIPPING TEA – a book that makes a statement?

The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness is a great one. It’s a story about being the side characters, the ones who aren’t the Chosen Ones who get sent on an epic quest against evil. They’re just people, dealing with real problems, mental health issues and conflict with friends, and Ness handles the subject with a deft sort of beauty.

The Twelve Little Cakes also qualifies, too. It’s a memoir of a woman’s childhood in a post-Stalinist USSR-era Czech Republic. Despite the depressing setting, Dery manages to write a book bursting with optimism, with belief in the goodness of people and a better world, and that persepctive is as refreshing s it necessary in this modern age.

╰☆╮13. SAME HAT – the character you relate to the most?

I had,,, a lot of trouble with this one, so I’m going to say that Lara Jean from To All the Boys Ive Loved Before really reminds me of my high school self. She daydreams a lot, loves The Aesthetic, is not very grounded in reality, Is Soft And Kinda Anxious. Sure, let’s say that.

╰☆╮14. OH WORM – a book you didn’t expect to love?

I’ll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson. I’m not normally a contemporary person, but I finished this book sobbing instead of working on a health essay. Books that have conflicts shaped like mysteries and puzzles, where personalities and situations clash in a way that looks a little bit like tragedy? Those are books are automatic favorites.

╰☆╮15. SHREK – favourite book featuring mythical creatures?

The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater revolves around the capaill uisce (aka kelpies). Stiefvater is brilliant with characters and atmosphere, so even though her books are more slow-paced, I was still absolutely enchanted.

[wangdrew]

Water. Earth. Fire. Air. Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Avatar, master of all four elements, could stop them, but when the world needed him most, he vanished. A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Avatar, an airbender named Wang. And although his airbending skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he’s ready to save anyone. But I believe Wang can save the world

my god this has been an emotional roller coaster

andrew rannells could fucking deck me and i would thank him

wangdrew is why god doesnt speak 2 us

cuz i want a tight knit wangily, i want a chat that makes cat jmemes

top ten anime betrayals

onceler pouting his lips and calling you pookie

tag urself i’m the slow decline of our general will to live

how does this gc turn from being pure to being pure sin in the span of 5 seconds im-

“I got flash backs from the Bee movie, which is also beeutiful”

this is why the falsettos proshoot is not on netflix

wangdrew wangells: the wang whisperer

whizzer is a twunk

sometimes i read sentences that make me want to abandon the internet and become amish//

its brandon uranover

bella thorne is my favourite type of pastry

“march of the voresettos” “march of the NOsettos”

maybe the real vore is the friends we made along the way

“NO VORE IN MY LOBBY” “NO NO IN MY NO”

“BACK FROM THE DAD™”

“Welcome back I hate it here”

“i’m just a vore, yeah i’m only a vore, and i’m voring here on capitol vore” chloe

“night guys im done w the vore” aren’t we all

“i’m gonNA MAKE THEM CRY WITH MY FISTS” chloe

“hello mr rannells sir, how lorge is ur wangus?” CJ

“welcome to hell lucy” Elise S

“gounod” chloe

swooty swooty coming for that booty

My mom, *ordering pizza, says it’ll deliver at 6:45*: “What fuck are they doing? Swimming to fucking Italy for the tomatoes?”

it comes with stickers and theres a whole section of the sticker sheet thats just andrew failing to do the jump on the album cover its so funny

cj is mothman???!! nOT clickbait

a vore blog just followed me

THEY FOUND US (chloe is cia)

there’s no way god would let this chat exist in his realm

ok but like am i the only one who hates when you’re in class working on some personal writing and someone leans over like “wHAt R u wRiTING??????” like your eulogy if you don’t back the fuck up you soggy lampshade

people found out christian was straight and were upset

“That you hate this gc?” “that too but mainly that i live in sweden”

are you fucking kidding me?? i was so happy, this endless hell could finally be over, all the supernatural fans who i forgot to unfollow will stop posting and i would be free, i was planning a party for the last day it airs and we would pointedly not watch it, i was going to cry of happiness, and instead,, This

Sophie

there were loads of theatre references in shrek too i think that’s bdj’s kink

groff dick pokes your eyes out even with its unimpressive length

i will stab you both with a rusty metal dildo

headline: groffs dick causes world war 3

“CAUSE OF DEATH: DILDO TO THE HEAD”

i sold it for my will to live

hey jess? what the fuck

hold on babes just gotta * loud cracking as he snaps off his velcro dick* ok

you’re in the bedroom with wangdrew. things are getting heated. you’re ready for the dicking down. everything is perfect, and you’re in love. he pauses, and whispers in your ear, “hey babes, just one sec”. he pulls away, leaving you wanting. there is a loud, resounding cracking, tearing noise, and wangdrew is holding his disembodied dick is his hand. he smiles. you smile.

me: why will no one date me also me: dick me down, rannells

moisten my gams kate(legs)

songs include: billy ray broke my achey break heart, wangdrews green coat, crusty june and clangy janet, and our true friend is vore

our new reality tv show, called “sometimes.. wangdrew is worse”

starring:

me as me phoebe as my favorite child chloe as vore queen cj as vorer anjie as sidekick monse as mongoose holli as opponent sophie as foolish mortal geneva as judgemental death bird jess as nutbox lucy as k i n k y kate as kinky kate kev as kinky kev haven as side salad claire as foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach reilly as commondore elise as flagelise grace as covenant kristyn as chicken pot pie amanda as kraken tasha as jigglytata asher as sneaky dorito sel as sergeant cactus cait as mcmuffin jill as diet scooby snack and faith as medalling kid

“Good mother fucking morning I am going to school wtf”

“THE DICKS CAME OUT OF NOWHERE”

“2 inches of nothing”

pe poole

Hey what’s poppin’ my name is Jake Paul I’m here in the *pans up to ‘team 10 house’* Team 10 House, I hope you are having a good day hope you’re smiling hope you’re working hard I hope you *pans out to dab* dabbin’ on them haters

hey what’s up selina reeviers, if you’re new here my name is selina reevie and i’m here in the wangdrew groupchat, i hope you’re having an awesome day, i hope you’re listening to musicals, i hope you’re *whips* whipping on the hetros and let’s GET BACK TO CRYING

Skinny beetles = Skaneateles

the only 2 genders *walks up to a straight couple* so which one of you is the jazz choir and which one is the gospel choir

Chloe: what’s a good free website Jess: google.com Solie: THE SARCASM

my whole brand is made off of andrew memes

rt! the wangdrew blog is basically an archive of all our mistakes

He gad it mumming He gad it mumming He gonly gad gimself to maine

Jizzer Brown

cronch the fucking pickle man

Good Morning Everyone My Only Mood Is Death

cunt nugget

youre on punkd lucy

ok but like am i the only one who hates when you’re in class working on some personal writing and someone leans over like “wHAt R u wRiTING??????” like your eulogy if you don’t back up you soggy lampshade

Happy VORE 🍴 lentine’s day! Hope you’re ready to get some 🍫 chocolate from your special someone ❤💋!! And mayBEE 🐝 you can give them a special 😉 SURPRISE ☝💋 and VORE 😱👅👄 their CANDY 🍭🍬🍭 ASS 🍑! Send this to 10 of your TASTIEST 🍰 friends this VORELENTINE’S DAY 👄👅🙀! Get 🔟 back and you’re the TASTIEST 😋 EVER! Get 5 back and you’re GETTING SOME 👄 MOUTH ACTION 👅 Get 3 back and you’re TOTALLY VOREABLE 😋🐯🍑! Get 1 back and you’re either a VORER 👄🍭😉 or SAD

Hi! 💁😋 I’m so happy 😁😆you’ve applied for the 🎭musical 🎼group chat, we’re over a hundred 💯people who want to make new friends 👯👯‍♂ and that’s so exciting!😜 I saw 👀👀that you were okay 👌 with using Whatsapp 💬as a platform and so I was wondering 🤔if you could give me your number📲 so that I can add you?😘 I’m very excited 😝😊and hope 🙏🙏that this will work out for everyone!!😂😂😍🤳🙌

[thecountvoncurdles]

In 2008, Paramount Pictures released The Love Guru, a comedy starring Mike Myers. Reviews were scathing, box office returns were dismal, and it’s generally agreed that the film’s failure ended its star’s career. Aside from Shrek Forever After in 2010 (the fourth film in a popular, existing franchise), Myers has not landed a starring role since.

Ten years prior, in 1998, New Line Cinema released The Wedding Singer. Making $123 million to its $18 million budget, it was a massive financial success despite receiving only mild approval from critics. Its star, Adam Sandler, became a household name. Since 1998, not one year has passed without Sandler appearing in a movie in some fashion.

A disquieting possibility occurs to me.

Mr. Sandler’s pictures, for one reason or another, have staying power. Early roles of his are fondly remembered despite their objective shittiness. Have you ever seen him do that pickle thing on SNL? It’s stupid as hell, but no one calls it that. More recent roles--your Grown Ups, your Jack and Jills, your Pixels--earn mockery and incredulity, but also prompt a kind of transfixed fascination. You’ve seen the reactions, I’m sure, the memes and the dissections...but no one says what we all know, deep down.

These movies should not exist. Adam Sandler should not have a career.

When I say they should not exist, that isn’t code for ‘they’re bad.’ Of course they’re bad. I mean there is no logical precedent for their existence. If what we learned from The Love Guru is true--and nine years of scientific studies firmly uphold what we have learned--then Sandler’s career should have withered and died long ago. An actor simply can not make that many critical flops and stay relevant. You can’t just do the same thing, unchanged, unchallenged, for going on twenty years. The audience would realize the joke is on them, sooner or later. The tickets would go unsold.

Yet his movies are successful. Yet, he stays.

Some have suggested that he is really a savvy businessman, and knows how to market and produce these movies to be just successful enough. Some have gone a step further and suggested he participates in dubiously legal activity, and his films are engineered to be massive tax evasion schemes.

The truth is far more sinister. Sandler is eternal. I can’t prove it and I don’t expect you to believe me. Hell, I doubt you’ll even see this-- I’ve sent drafts of this essay to every scientific journal under the sun, to TIME Magazine, to the LA Times, and People too. The words they saw were not what I wrote. They couldn’t see the numbers. I held my proof in front of their faces and they looked at me like I was insane, said I was raving and there was nothing in my hands.

He’s done something. Any publishing outlet above a certain level of notoriety just cannot see criticism of him. They can’t comprehend it, won’t publish it, won’t hear it when you speak to them. You write things about him and the words...change. Your tongue fails you. You don’t know it’s happened until much later and if you try too often, God, I think you don’t know at all. I think he’s been here a lot longer than the documentation suggests, I don’t think SNL was the start of it, okay, I’ve seen pictures, daguerreotypes, illustrations going back decades.

Did he make a deal? Is this just...something within him? I don’t know. I had a nightmare. I’ve never told anyone this. In 2009 I went to see Funny People and halfway through, halfway through the movie he’s there, on a stage, he’s talking about MySpace--and I thought that was weird because it was 2009, who was still on MySpace?--and the audience was laughing and I squinted and I wasn’t 16 anymore I was 70. I was an old man. I was in the theater with my grandkids, little precious grandkids, and I took them to see Bushido Burger, which was some movie he made where he was like, a samurai running a fast food chain? Maybe it was just his restaurant’s gimmick? He was yelling a lot, he was going booboo dinky doopy doo in that squeaky voice he does, Vince Vaughn was trying to act cool, and I was so confused, because everyone was laughing at that but all I could see was Sandler, Adam Sandler looking at me, and he looked exactly the same. Fifty four years had gone by since I saw Funny People and spilled my popcorn on my khaki shorts and he was the same. He smiled right at me and I wanted to say something, I wanted to yell, but an old man yelling in a theater--they’d think I was crazy, wouldn’t they? They’d want to put grandpa away, right? He winked at me. He said do it, old man. Speak. Name me and draw me out of this silver screen and see what happens. See if you’re still strong, still fast, still cunning enough to beat me. Aren’t you tired? Aren’t you so, so frail and small and tired of trying to prove what you know?

I blinked. It was 2009. Seth Rogen was talking. Adam Sandler was listening, watching, as he did.

I think he still is.

[thecansces-ariborn]

1 through 25 for the ask meme >;3c

Ahhhhh oh my cod wwhy do you keep doing this to me XD

1) Who of your kins is most likely to stick out their tongue while focusing/working hard

Definitely Dipper!! I remember Mabel used to make fun of me for it lol

2) Which kin do you identify most with?

Eridan 100%

3) Who was your first kin?

My first fictionkin was Eridan

4) What is your favorite memory?

Hmmm probubbly my memories of Sol and I bonding after Erisolsprite cause wwe reely learned a lot aboat each other from that ^-^

5) What is your least favorite memory?

hhhh it’s a tie betwween my memories of Vriska, Cronus, and Crotuna abusing me and my reely depressed state after the game. 

6) Which sense most connects you too your kin(s)?

Hearing/Sound!! Especially wwhen I’m listening to music!

7) How many kins do you have? (fiction only)

Six confirmed (if you include multiple timelines) and 2 currently questioning but maybe more to come wwho knowws

8) Is there a kin you’re embarrassed about?

Hmm not really? I’m a little nervvous aboat Eridan because of the discourse and a little embarrassed of Mettaton (even though I’m questioning him right now) but just because my personality is so different from his and I can’t evven sea myself being as outgoing and famous as he is lol

9) Who is your most obscure kin?

Probably Beforus Eridan cause there’s hardly any content for him B(

10) Is it hard for you to find canonmates?

Well I haven’t found any yet so I’m going to go with yes

11) Are you okay with doubles?

Yep! I evven followw a feww doubles acshelly

12) Already Answered

13) Which of your kins has the worst sense of fashion?

Dipper all the wway, I wwore the same outfit for wweeks it wwas awwful

14) Who from your canon do you miss most?

From my Eridan timelines: Sollux, Feferi, Kanaya, John, Rose, and Gamzee. 

From my Rose Strider timeline: the other betas, Kanaya Vantas, Aradia Makara, Eridan Pyrope, and Karkat Maryam

From my Aranea Maryam timeline: Latula Nitram and Kurloz Vantas

From my Xefros timeline: Dammek, Joey, and Credea

From my Dipper timeline: Mabel and my Grunkles

If I’m right aboat being kin wwith Mettatan: Papyrus, Alphys, and Frisk

If I’m right aboat being kin wwith Erisol Harley: Fefeta, Tavris, and Arquius

15) What was your favorite canon?

Rose Strider probubbly, it wwent pretty wwell compared to some of the others

16) Which canon do you havve the most memories from?

Both of my Eridan timelines. I don’t havve many memories in general though...

17) Which canon do you have the fewest memories from?

Xefros, the game isn’t out yet so there isn’t reely much to trigger memories wwith... 

18) Do any colors remind you of certain kins?

Lol yeah, since most of them havve their “official” colors. Eridan is violet/purple, Rose is red, Aranea is green, Xefros is burgundy, Dipper is blue, Mettaton is pink, and Erisol is lime green. 

19) Do you have kins from the same source and canon?

I think my Eridan timelines are from the same canon (just one’s the pre-scratch and the other is post-scratch) but other than that no.

20) Do you have kins from the same source but different canons?

Basically all of them except Mettaton and Dipper lol

21) Who of your kins is the biggest meme?

Is this asking wwhich one is considered to be the biggest meme or wwhich one is the biggest memester? Cause for the first one it is Eridan (seriously the wweh, nyeh, and Shrek stuff is all ovver tumblr) and for the second one it wwould be Rose.

22) Who of your kins is the mom/dad friend?

Aranea Maryam no doubt about it

23) Does any non-kin know you’re kin?

Nope, and I’ll probubbly keep it that wway

24) Is there anything you could do in a past life that you wish you could still do?

Being able to use mag- I mean science wwould be awwesome!

25) Do you have any other kins that aren’t from media?

Yep! I’m also vampire kin, cat kin, and phoenix kin!