#could put her in my pocket and keep her safe forever and ever and ever

[divineordiabolical]

*Zaria walked into the church after almost tripping over air because of course she did. Anyways, she starts calling out*

“Hey, is anyone here? I need help with like… protecting my house from ghosts or something”

(I totally didn’t forget to send this several times nuh-uh)

The heavy oak doors of the church yawned open, their sound a low groan that rippled through the stillness of the sacred space. Anastasia—Asya, as she obliged Zaria to call her—was in the midst of the usual chores she was accustomed, tending to the candles flickering at the altar, a quiet reverence guiding her hands as she tended to the altar’s candles. There was an almost hypnotic quality about the way the flames danced in their glass encasements, flickering with each breath of air that wisped through the stone walls.

It was as she was situating a wick upright, ensuring the flame burned evenly, that she heard the soft creak of the heavy oak doors and the hesitant shuffle of footsteps. The sound drew her from her reverie, and she turned, her gaze sweeping over the dim interior until it settled on the figure standing in the doorway. Oh, Zaria! There was something in the way she lingered just inside the church, as if the weight of whatever had brought her there was too heavy to bear alone. The shape of her, silhouetted in the dim light— small, jagged, and weak, eliciting an almost visceral, raw riposte. Just like her.

Asya’s heart stirred with a gentle concern, and she left the altar behind, her steps light and deliberate as she crossed the nave to meet her friend. “Zaria?” she called softly, her voice carrying the same warmth and quiet strength that had guided Zaria before in her moments of need. “What brings you here? You appear to be—” she hesitated, searching Zaria’s face for the right word that wouldn’t pose offense, “—troubled.”

[exactlyyoungchaos]

Loss of my Life.

Husband Simon X Reader.

My first time writing here!!! Please don't mind the mistakes as I'm writing this at 5 in the morning. enjoy!!!

TW: loss of a relationship, hurt, angst, little comfort, cursing, trauma(loss of family, mention of miscarriage), "its not you, its me bullshit" let me know if i missed something!

You used be a medic working with TF141 for years before you retired. that's how you met your now husband Simon Riley. he was the most loving, attentive and responsible partner you could've asked for, he was ghost to everyone but not you, never you. But something's changed recently.

ever since his last mission eight months ago, he's been detached, not talking to you properly, coming home extremely late and drunk. he hasn't even touched you since he came back and its saying something for a guy who used to be attached to your hips whenever he could.

you tried talking to him, tried asking what's wrong but you always got the same answer, " you're thinkin too much lovie, nothings wrong."

but you know your husband so you start digging, and that's the biggest mistake you have made.

you found a note in his vest pocket, where he keeps his wedding ring during missions that read " be safe and come back to me" in a handwriting you knew by heart but it wasn't yours.

it was of his childhood best friend. she was in the special forces as well, and recently worked with Simon's team on the last mission.

you knew then and there, the reason of the detachment, the curt responses. your husband was in love with the woman he told you not to worry about.

your eyes blur with the realization that the life you once knew is soon going to come to an end, the man you're in love with , who's ring you have been wearing for years is not yours anymore or maybe he never was.

you sat there in your closet, tears streaming down your face, gut wrenching sobs coming out of you mouth. he isn't home, like usual so there is no one to witness the loss of your life.

your brain conjure up all the good times you had with him but now all of it is tainted by the realization that none of it was true.

you remember every time you caught both of them looking at each other, the friendly adoration in Simon's eyes now looked like longing, with his hands still around your waist.

every time he said to you "you're the love of my life" with his lips on yours, was he wishing it was her? all these years, you were so in love, so blinded by the rose tinted glasses you had over your eyes that you never saw it?

you sat there for hours, mulling over your whole life. how the one person you thought was yours forever was never yours. so you got up, eyes hollow, bloodshot and puffy, your form trembling. you put the note back where it was and go lay on your bed.

you stare at the wall for hours, around three am, your front door opened and closed. you felt him as he walked in the bedroom and slipped under the sheets next to you.

for the first time in weeks, he put his arms around your waist and pulled you towards himself, " you awake love?" he murmured in your neck.

all that came out of your mouth was, " Am I not enough?" in a rough whisper.

his arms tense around you, he knows that you know. before he could say something, you turn to face him, still in his arms.

you look at his face, and trace his scars with your fingers as tears fell from your eyes on your pillow.

his expression is tortured, " Its not what you-" but you cut him off with a soft shush and a finger on his lips. the lips you called home for as long as you remember.

you don't want him to lie to you anymore so you smile, the same smile Simon has witnessed when you lost your whole family in an accident as he stood next to your shaking form during the funeral, the same smile you gave him when you had a miscarriage as he stood next to you on the hospital bed holding your hand, grieving with you.

his heart was breaking, he was cursing himself for doing this to you. but you don't blame him, you haven't said anything to him except "will you hold me for the last time? please?" and you bury your face in his chest, taking in his scent for the last time. feeling his erratic heartbeat for the last time.

Simon's hand tightened around you, he doesn't want to let you go. the only good thing that happened to him. he destroyed you, like he always does to anything he touches.

he knows he cant fix this, nothing he could say would fix this. so he held you, with all his might, for the last time.

part 2?

[siconetribal]

Put it on My Tab (18)

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!reader

Warning:

Things as they should have been

A/N:

Thanks for patiently waiting! I had a safe and easy flight, but the jet lag was a real troublemaker. But now I'm back, less brain foggy and ready to type. Without further ado, here is the next part!

Please comment/like/reblog. If you’d like to be tagged moving forward, please let me know! I'd also greatly appreciate it if rebloggers remember to add the tags (or some at least).

As always, a huge thank you and shout out to @harlequin-hangout for the amazing banners you made for me.

If you’re new to the story, please check out the master post for the rest of the chapters.

Another day, another round of unreasonable customers not paying attention to the orders that are being called, and another coffee order from the caffeine fiend who has been showing up almost daily. The handsome young man caused quite the stir with the female employees, each rushing to be the one to take his order, only to be rejected. There was only one person he ordered from, and the one barista was Y/N. She did not know why or when this little routine started, but it was well known throughout the shifts. One customer came in on days only Y/N was in and only ever ordered from her. The idea would have been flattering if his level of consumption was not so concerning, and him obviously being younger than her and well off.

And he’s another Wayne. I think I’ve officially had it with Waynes. She let out a heavy sigh as she rang up her current customer. How long had it been since she last saw Jason? She wondered for the seventh time, looking at the digital date on the register. That awkwardly magical night to end it all was now two weeks behind her and not a single word from him. To be fair, I haven’t exactly reached out either, but what am I supposed to even say? I didn’t exactly ask him for pocket change, and he paid for dinner and made sure I was inside the building safe. Could he have just not been so great so that I could continue to hate him for some reason and move on with my life? It’s all his fault, clearly! She grabbed a cup, stuck on the label, and placed it in the queue before moving onto the next customer. 

Citlalli heard her sigh again and visibly frowned. The night Y/N came back with the money was a shock. The two of them stared at her phone and refreshed the app screen several times, expecting it to all vanish like it was some sort of glitch and error. Come the next day, it was still very much there, which meant they were now debt free. They refused to celebrate just yet. Y/N transferred the money to her bank, it cleared in a few days. Y/N called the hotel and paid the rest of the charges over the phone. The hotel register must have been ancient because it felt like forever until the little ding sounded to let everyone know the transaction was completed. A copy of the receipt was emailed and with that, it was done. Seeing the bill as paid in full was such a sight to behold that Citlalli even began to tear up. They were back to where they were before the coffee fiasco, which was far better than being behind. 

Everything was back to as it should be, or it should have been. Y/N was different. She was more relaxed now that she could drop a good number of shifts and others could cover, but there was a listlessness to her. Her motions were robotic, and she barely reacted to crazy customers who were prone to yelling or causing a scene. If anything, her lack of reaction made the tantrum thrower feel awkward, and they quietly just moved along. Maybe it was an adrenaline crash? A constant flight or fight mode was finally shut off and her body was simply trying to recover. The last time she had seen her like this was the time her cousin got them tangled with the Penguin. Citlalli was no better, the two did what needed to be done to keep the bills paid and their heads on their shoulders. 

“Oi, chica, I’ve been calling your name for the last ten minutes!” She snapped her fingers in front of Y/N’s face. “Are you going to give me an answer or what?!”

“Huh, sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.” She jerked her head back as the sharp sound brought her senses back into focus. The long day of work had come to an end and neither of the two were on the night shift, so they returned home and began to relax and unwind. “Answer what?”

“Where did you get these and when were you going to tell me?!” She firmly tapped her finger on two identical rectangular pieces of paper that magically appeared on the coffee table. They were not just simple waxy slips, either. They were a nice weight that had a lovely deign with a date and time stamped on each with the name of an upcoming charity gala printed in cursive and the famous W logo of Wayne Enterprises Inc. 

“Ah, those, well, those came from Nightwing when he left me a tip. I don’t think he meant to give them? At least, that’s the only thing that makes sense. I’m sure Bruce Wayne meant for him to have them to attend. I just don’t know how to go about returning them. How does one call a nighttime vigilante without lighting up the sky with the Bat Signal?” She pointed out the issue she was in.

“Three weeks,” Citlalli scowled. “Nearly a month of holding onto these, and you never once thought to tell me?! They were just laying there on the kitchen floor near the trash! Were you going to throw them out?!” She shoved her face in front of Y/N’s, their noses mere inches from touching. 

“I wasn’t planning to throw them out, but like I said, there’s no way to return them!” Y/N moved her head back.

“¡Ay, ay, ay!” She stood back and hit the heel of her free palm into her forehead a few times. “We could use them! We could go! This could be how we celebrate finally being debt free!” Citlalli grabbed the two tickets and waved them at Y/N. “This is fate, it was meant to be! ¡Por Dios!” She once again dove into a flurry of Spanish as she paced up and down the small living room. From the way she waved her arms around, twirled, Y/N could only gather that the frenzied energy was excitement.

“Cici,” she firmly called out to her overly energized friend for the umpteenth time. “Don't you think these tickets are tracked? That Bruce Wayne would know which ticket is whose? So, when someone tries to use someone else's, they can cross-reference. And even if by some unknown luck, they let it slide, for whatever reason; and we take the leap and attend, we don't have anything to wear aside from old catering uniforms and whatever dresses we have for parties and dates. I’m not trying to be the buzzkill, but we’re not equipped for this.”

Citlalli looked between Y/N and the tickets several times before coming around the table and flopping down onto the couch with a heavy sigh of defeat. Y/N could only sadly smile at the scene. It hurt to burst the bubble, but it needed to be done. A somber silence filled the apartment, broken only by the noise from their neighbors or some troublemakers outside. They could officially forget about this and move on.

“My abuela can help us. She’s a great seamstress, and my tía Maribel and tía Estrella have their own boutique. It’s nowhere near Wayne level price tags, but they make good money and live in a safer city. They made my and all my cousins quinceañera dresses, too. I’m sure they can come up with something for this, or at least let us borrow two dresses for the evening.” Citlalli sat up and looked straight at Y/N.

“You’re really not going to let this go, huh?” Y/N could only sigh and shake her head. “The party is in two weeks. When will we have the time to go and try on dresses between work and my pending call to come into the precinct for a formal interview?”

“Mr. B owes us for covering all those shifts he had no one to cover for. He’ll be grateful we took off unpaid so he doesn't have to pay us as much overtime.” She rolled her eyes. “My family will even open the shop after hours just for us to look, we don't need to go during the work hours. We can buy roundtrip train tickets and spend the night there. We might not even have to call off work either, we can swap shifts with someone! This is perfect! Ok, that's what we’ll do! I'm going to go call my family and see what days are best!” Once again, Citlalli was off running and Y/N was left speechless and trying to figure out how they went from reason to a whole thought out plan.

You know what, why not? It doesn’t hurt to try. If she really wanted to go, I was going to suggest checking some consignment shops or thrift stores in the richer parts of the city. We can use that plan as backup, though. She gets to see her grandmother this way and I can say hi to her family as well. She smiled while watching Citlalli’s face light up while talking in Spanish to her family on the phone. Y/N was willing to deal with the Waynes if it meant her best friend would be happy. It’s the least I can do for all her family has done for me over the years, trouble aside.

It was done. There was nothing left to do and there was no reason to ever see her again unless he wanted to go get coffee. He was not against coffee, but he was not an addict like someone he knew. He glanced at the door as Tim walked in with a rather large cup. Jason frowned to himself, looking back down at his book, but his gaze quickly snapped back up to the third Robin. He knew that logo, it was the logo of the cafe Y/N worked at.

Why would he go all the way over there for a cup of coffee? Did he realize I kept going there for them? No, I only did that twice. He can’t have caught on to anything from just that no matter how smart he is. Maybe he liked it? It’s a popular place and he may have been scouting the area. He stared at the cup, almost glaring at it. Must be mice to not have a reason to go there and see her without a care in teh world.

“What?” Tim’s voice cut off his jealous thoughts. The second Wayne son raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re the one giving a death glare to my coffee, I think I have a right to know why.”

“I’m trying to figure out what number this one is for the day. Your coffee addiction is just starting to get concerning.” He retorted.

“I’m not a coffee ‘addict’,” Tim took a rather loud sip of his drink to punctuate his point. “I’m a caffeine-based life form and as such, I must honor the ways of my people.”“By drinking your three times your weight in coffee?” Jason snorted as he tried to stop from laughing. Caffeine-based life form? She’d get a kick out of that one. I wonder, has he met her? A sharp, stabbing pain suddenly pierced his chest.“Who am I to get between you and your crazy cult? Chug away,”  he slightly bowed his head in respect. Tim nodded in return and left the room. Jason gently rubbed the spot above his heart, frowning once more. Must be nice indeed.

Tag: @vbecker10 @wordsfromshona @harlequin-hangout @harpy-space @tild3ath @gone-batty-fics @princessbl0ss0m @dakotali @antiquecultist

[specialagentlokitty]

Giles x teen!reader - a demigods fate

Part 10:

Buffy tilted her head back, taking a deep breath.

“We.. we need to give them a proper burial…”

Giles snapped his head up, shaking it.

“No… no that’s.. that’s not what they wanted…”

The trio looked at him confused, and he looked down at you.

“There’s a uh.. there’s a lake… we.. we must take them there…”

“Will it help them…?” Willow whispered.

“I’m afraid not… but it’s… it’s what they wanted…”

Giles picked you uk and immediately the hounds stood, ready to follow you anywhere.

“I.. I.. need their jacket from my office… and.. and some things we can use to clean the uh.. the blood..”

Giles carried you to his car, and he carefully laid you in the back seat, waiting for the others to come through and they brought what he needed.

He set everything in the backseat and he reached with trembling hands for his keys in his pockets, tears burning his eyes.

“I.. I can’t drive…”

The hellhounds barked, looking into the shadows.

“The hounds can shadow travel, they’ll know where to go.” Chiron said.

Giles handed everything back to the three students, and he picked you up once more, following the hounds into the shadows.

It was dark and cold for a second, and then it became clear, warm sun shining through the trees, just in front of them a small sandy shore.

They all walked over to it, and Giles looked around.

“It’s.. it’s just like they said…”

“This place was the centre of death for many years, when the underworld moved it sprang back to life more clear than ever. Everything untainted, Poseidon left this one lake to his brother as a thank you for something Hades did, it still links to the underworld.”

Chiron laid himself down, unfolding a blanket and he put it on the sand, then Giles laid you on the blanket.

“I.. I don’t understand doesn’t water belong to Poseidon?” Xander asked.

Chiron nodded his head.

“It does, except this lake is now the purified version of the river Styx, so it still belongs to (Y/N)s father, whom has agreed to hold their body here forever as per their wish.”

Giles said nothing, and he began to clean the blood from your head very carefully.

“What does that mean…?” Buffy whispered.

Chiron looked at her.

“It means their will become part of the lakebed, the ground will take their body and keep it safe for eternity, where no more harm will come to pass to them.”

Giles moved to cleaning your arms, your hands.

He then took your jacket and carefully put it on your, zipping it up so he wouldn’t have to see the gaping wound in your stomach.

Taking the coin from his pocket and he flipped it, catching the sword, he placed your hands around the hilt, placing them on your chest, blade pointed down.

He sighed, brushing some hair from your face, and he looked towards the water.

“So.. they’ll be here forever..?” Willow sniffled.

Chiron nodded his head.

“Yes.”

Willow looked around the lake, and the crystal clear water.

“It’s a nice place…”

Giles picked you up, holding you in his arms and he turned to the lake, taking a deep and shaky breath as he walked over to it.

He didn’t want to walked into it, but it was something you made him promise, you wanted to be buried here, so he walked into the water.

He kept going until it was up to his chest, and he was barely supporting you, the water gently holding your lifeless form.

He moved one of his arms, still holding your head.

He was expecting you to wake up, things like that happened all the time, and he was scared that if he let you go you would drown.

His tears hit the water, and he hugged you ever so gently.

“I.. I am so sorry…”

Through the clear water he could see the ground move, the moss coming towards you and it carefully encircled you.

Giles let you go, and you were taken under the water, down to the lakebed where the moss called you its friend.

It took shape, keeping your face in a peaceful like state as it covered you, your face the only thing that could be made out.

“May Hades looked over them, keep them safe.” Chiron said.

“To hell with him!” Giles yelled.

He turned around, making his way back towards the shore.

The ground trembled, unamused with his outburst.

“To hell with all the gods! If they actually dealt with their own issues non of this would have happened! Innocent children wouldn’t have died in their name! (Y/N) would still be alive!”

The ground trembled, the thunder roared ahead.

Giles dried his hands on the blanket, wrapping it around himself while the hounds walked along the edge of the lake, whining.

“Unfortunately we have no control over these matters.”

Chiron reached into his pocket, pulling out the letter you gave him and handed it to Giles who took it.

“They asked me to give this to you, I’m sorry we couldn’t have changed things. The hounds will carry on followings you all, with no master their won’t return to the underworld.”

Chiton turned around and he began to leave.

“Why did it have to be them..?” Giles asked.

Chiron said nothing as he vanished from sight, and for the rest of the day they all sat there just staring into the calm water.

“We must get you all home…”

“Giles…” Buffy whispered.

“Now. Let’s go.”

They didn’t argue with him, the hounds took them back to the school, and Giles sent them all away as he made his way back inside.

He walked back to the library, everything looked as it was, back to normal, even the library.

He ran up the steps to find them sword gone, and he ran back down, rushing into his office to make sure that everything else was still there.

A sigh of relief left him when he was it was all there, including the sword that was originally missing, neatly presented on some of his shelves.

Walking to his desk, he sat down, opening the letter he was given so he could begin to read it.

‘Giles,

When you receive this letter it’ll be too late, we both know that. We knew what would happen when the day came, that I wouldn’t survive. The hellhounds will stay with you unless you send them away back to the underworld, but they’ll come if you call.

Please don’t tell the others that you knew, they would never forgive you and I don’t want to break you all apart, you need each other, that’s important. You had each other before I came, you’ll have each other after I leave.

I wasn’t completely honest with you, and for that I am really sorry. When I first came to Sunnydale I knew I wasn’t going to leave, I already knew I was fated to pass here, which is why I tried to keep you all away. I never wanted to hurt anybody, and I never imaged how important you would all become to me.

I never knew what it was like to have a real family, one that loved me aside from my mother. I never had friends, and I didn’t have a father who was very interested in me or what I did, or even cared about me the way you cared.

I will forever be grateful for that, I’ll never forget the lessons you taught me, even the boring ass ones (put a dollar in the jar for me). If I could choose who I wanted my father to be, I would choose you Giles, I wish I could’ve had you as a father instead, but this was my fate, foretold, set in stone.

I love you, I love all of you, and I wish you all nothing but the best.’

Hand shaking, Giles set the letter down, running a hand down his face to wipe the tears so they wouldn’t smudge the ink and ruin your messy handwriting.

Reaching for his glasses neatly placed on the desk, he picked them up, and he stood up, taking the letter he folded it back up, placing it under the your sword.

Waking to the bookshelves, he placed a dollar in the jar with your name on, letting out a tear laugh.

“Still swearing.. even after death… I expect nothing less…” he whispered.

You were chalked down as a missing person due to the strange happenings of Sunnydale, people forgot about you.

All aside from the four who knew you the most, their hellhounds serving as a painful reminder of you.

All your books and scrolls were passed down to Giles, added to his own personal library, and they still carried the daggers you made them despite the fact the monsters were gone.

As the months slipped by it become apparent how quiet everything was before you, it was a horrible silence nobody could bare but they had to walk through.

Once a week they would take a trip to that lake and talk to you about what they had been doing, updating you on their lives.

The three other teenagers were slowly recovering, but Giles was still taking it rather hard, he loved you like his own flesh and blood.

Everytime he looked at your reports, your sword, Rig and Oris, it was like you were still there, but the decorations sat there as a dusty reminder for him.

Eventually because of students he had all of it moved by Hermes to his home, set up in that little corner that you would always come running from.

Sometimes he would sit and stare at the shadows, hoping you would come tumbling through them.

Tonight was no different, he was sat in the library, staring into the darkest corner.

“Staring won’t bring the dead back, believe me, many people have tried.” A voice spoke.

Giles reached for his dagger.

“It’s useless, won’t even touch me.”

“Who are you?” Giles asked.

The two hounds stood up, standing next to Giles as they snarled and growled.

“I’m betrayed by my own hellhounds, I suppose that says a lot doesn’t it?”

“Hades…”

The man stepped out from where he was hiding and Giles stood up.

“How dare you step foot in here…” Giles said lowly.

“How dare I? You’re the brave soul who’s been cursing out us gods as if you have a death wish, I’m surprised my brother hasn’t zapped you down yet.”

“What do you want?” Giles snapped.

The hellhounds at his feet circled him in a protective manner.

“I came to speak to you my child.”

“(Y/N) was not your child.”

“Yes there were! They were my flesh and blood!”

Giles slammed his hand on the table, knocking his cup of tea over, shattering the cup.

“No they were not! Yes, you may have helped bring them into this world, but it was you that took them out of it. That is all you did, you were no father to them!”

Giles took his glasses off, setting them down.

“Where were you when they lost their mother?! Their best friend?! When they had monsters hunting them down all over the place?! Where we you when they were sent here to die?! Did you even try to find a way to save them?! Because I did! I tried everything to find a way to save them!”

Hades stood there.

“I cleaned them up after every bloody fight! I cooked them food when I found out all they were eating was takeout! I took them to see the penguins because they had never been!”

Giles took a few deep breaths.

“Where were you when they were plagued by nightmares and couldn’t sleep? Were you sat there all night holding their hand? No. Were you there when they got their very first A grade? No. You handed them the sword that they used to pierce a hole right through their own stomach to save the world.”

Clenching his jaw, Giles clenched his fists to calm himself down, drawing small droplets of blood.

He knew he couldn’t survive a fight with a god, but it didn’t mean he didn’t want to try.

“You were not their father, a father doesn’t send his own child to die, a father doesn’t sit there and watch his own child die. I am (Y/N)s father, I will always be their father.”

Hades hummed a little, walking a few steps closer.

Giles’ heart raced in his chest, maybe screaming at a god wasn’t the best way to go about things, and it was a sure way to get himself killed.

“You’re right, maybe I’m not so much of a great father, but that’s how it has to be.”

Hades clasped his hands behind his back.

“I know you loved my child, in fact, I’m glad you do. I’m glad they found somebody to love them as their own flesh and blood, to help them grow, truly be happy.” Hades said.

Giles furrowed his brows.

“You’re right, I did give them the very sword that killed them, but I didn’t do it to push (Y/N) into using it on themselves, i did it because it was the only way.”

“To save the world because you wouldn’t?” Giles scoffed.

Hades chuckled, shaking his head.

“No, to save them.”

Hades walked over, standing on the other end of the table, and he set a book down on the table.

“The sword absorbs the essence of whatever it kills, that’s what the metal does, how it’s forged. But this one is slightly different. Whatever goes in, can come out.”

“What?”

“I instructed (Y/N) not to use the sword on the monsters, use it once, and only once. And they did. Their soul is the only thing inside of it. The prophecy was that their soul was supposed to go to Tartarus, and I didn’t want that, so I found a way around it.”

Giles looked at the god.

“You.. you’ve known this whole time…”

“I had to be sure that to would take care of them, that you truest did have a fathers love for (Y/N), and you do. Consider this a gift, a thank you for what you’ve done, from the god, to you.”

Hades pushed the book over and Giles picked it up.

“The.. the lake…”

“Preserves the body of all those buried, which means as far as death goes, (Y/N) is untouched by it, will be exactly the same.”

Hades turned around, making his way back towards the shadows.

“The monsters will come back if you bring (Y/N) back, and if you do bring them back I expect you to take on the role as their father Mr Giles.”

With that, Hades left and Giles stared at the book before grabbing his glasses so he could go through it.

The dead never stayed dead in Sunnydale, and he wasn’t going to let that happen to you.

So, Giles took care in gathering everything he needed, which took a lot longer than he had hoped, it wasn’t easy stuff to find.

But once he had it all, he sat in front of the sword in his office, the only thing that couldn’t have been moved, and he began to do exactly as the book told him.

There was a small flash around the sword, and he prayed it had worked.

The book explained that after the ritual, he wouldn’t be able to return to the lake until after you left, otherwise it would claim him in your place.

If you wanted to return you would, if not he would have to live with the fact he would never know if it worked or not.

So, he waited, his head always snapped to the door when it opened.

A few days went past, and he sighed heavily, looking at the book.

“Maybe I did something wrong…” he mumbled.

He had been reading through it for days, trying to figure out if something went wrong, maybe the god had lied to him, he had no idea.

Running a hand down his face, and closed the book, heading to his office.

The hounds followed him, and they sat watching him as always, their ears flicking a little as they both turned to the door.

“I’ll be with you in one moment!” He called.

The hounds ran out of the room, and he frowned, following them out.

As he looked around the corner, the sight alone was enough to make him take a few steps back.

You were sat on the floor, laughing and hugging your beloved hellhounds tightly.

You pushed the hounds off, and you smiled up at him.

“You look older than normal.”

Giles slowly walked over, kneeling in front of you, reaching out he touched your shoulder.

He was convinced you were maybe a ghost, messing with him, but when his hand came into contact with your shoulder he knew it had worked.

Taking your shoulder he pulled you in for a hug, and you groaned in pain.

“I.. I’m so sorry…”

He quickly let go.

You smiled warmly, shaking your head, hand on your side.

“It’s okay, I.. I guess being put in a permanent state means wounds don’t heal all that good..”

Sitting on your knees, you leant forward, gently hugging him, and he hugged you back, gentle this time as not to hurt you again.

“I.. I’m so sorry…” he whispered.

You shook your head.

“No… im sorry Giles I.. I I’m just so sorry…” you sobbed.

He gently shushed you, running a hand up and down your back.

After a few minutes you pulled away, sniffling a little.

“You buried me in my jacket…”

“I thought you would want it no matter where you went.” He smiled.

Giles wiped your tears with the sleeve of his blazer.

“The monsters…”

Giles smiled, taking your hand.

“We will face them together. You came to Sunnydale alone, but you’re not alone anymore (Y/N), we’re here for you, I am here for you, by your side. It’s your fate to be here.”

You hugged him again.

Giles hugged you back.

“I’m glad you’re back…” he whispered.

“Me too…”

You two enjoyed the peace.

“However you do owe me a dollar.”

You laughed, pulling away as you winced in pain, then you grinned at him a little.

“I suppose I should tell the others.”

“What will you tell them?” You asked.

Giles stood up, helping you to your feet and he sat you down in a chair, kissing the top of your head and he took a step away.

“I’ll tell them that my rather reckless, impulsive, and now apparently unofficially adopted demigod teenager has returned.”

Giles sat on the table, looking down at you.

“I’m your teenager now huh?”

“Well I seem to just keep adopting troubled teenagers, what’s one more to that list Hm?”

“I’m more trouble?”

He chuckled, nodding his head.

“Yes, you are, but I still love you even if you are the most troublesome of the bunch.”

You beamed proudly at him and yawned loudly, rested your head on the table.

He got off it, folding his scarf he placed it under your head, then he covered you with his blazer.

“Get some rest, I’ll be right here.”

He smiled as you nodded half asleep already.

He had his work cut out for him, but for now everything felt right, everything felt as it were supposed to be.

You were back where you were supposed to be, and when you were fully healed and well rested, you were going to be in a world of trouble for the stunt you pulled. But for now, Giles was just happy to have his family back.

Walking back to his office, he looked at the scrap of paper that had fallen out of the book that hades gave him.

The finely part of your prophecy.

‘The underworld child will die once, and will rise again, entrusted to a new home where they will stay.’

[persephonewritessometimes]

me and the devil / unsub!hotch x reader / chapter two

Summary: It's been a week since her unfortunate first run-in with Aaron Hotchner. Has she scared him off, or will she see him at the club tonight?

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x (AFAB) Reader

Word Count: 3471

Warnings: verbal harassment, several men following reader, threatening of violence, strip club, cursing, morgan being a cheeky bastard, mentions of a dead spouse

Key: y/n = your name

me and the devil series masterlist

This work is meant for readers aged 18 and over. You are responsible for your own media consumption.

         Another day, another dollar. That’s what I tell myself as I get off the bus close to the club. My car is in the shop – again – so I have to take the bus until it gets fixed. It had been one week since my run-in with Mr. Hotchner where I laid him out, and every time I think about it, I get embarrassed all over again. He hasn’t been to the club since – maybe I scared him off. Groaning, I grab my work bag and head inside, putting in my earbuds to drown out the shitty music in the locker room. Tia has had the flu for the past few days and hasn’t been to work, so I’m on my own again. I’m grateful that I packed my bag when I was in a better mood this morning and grin when I pull out my rhinestone set. It’s a rhinestone bikini top, with a silver thong, and a matching rhinestone skirt. I always make a shit ton of money in this. I shimmy it on, careful not to mess up my hair and makeup, give myself a once over in the mirror and head out into the club.

         It’s already loud in here, but the lights bounce off my outfit, drawing many pairs of eyes toward me. No one approaches though, so I roam, looking for my regulars. I’m passing by the bar and the next thing I know I’m slamming into someone on accident. I’m mortified.

         “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going.” I apologize quickly, trying to move past whomever I bumped into. A large hand closes around my wrist stopping me in my tracks.

         “Hello, Y/N.” Hotch’s low voice reaches me, and I look up at him. “It seems like it’s your mission to kill me one way or another.” He chuckles.

         “Oh, Jesus.” I use my free hand to cover my face. “Yes, it would appear so. Sorry.”

         He’s looking me over when I peek at him in between my fingers. He gently grabs a trail of rhinestones from my skirt. “I like this outfit,” he says, letting go of the rhinestones and the land lightly on my leg.

         “Thank you. It’s my personal favorite.” I sway my hips and the lights catch on me again. I grin and look up at him.

         “That reminds me, I wanted to give you my number, just in case you were to ever need me.”

         “I don’t understand. First, I flip you over my shoulders, I just slammed into you, and you still want to give me your number?” I furrow my brow as he reaches into the inside of his suit jacket. I see a flash of gold on the inside and grab his jacket, pulling it open and he lets me. “You’re an agent?”

         “Yes.”

         “Hmmm.”

         “Is that a good ‘hmmm’ or bad ‘hmmm’.” He raises one eyebrow, finally fishing a small piece of paper out of his pocket.

         “I’m still deciding.” I give him a grin. “A lot of the agents who come in here are handsy despite them being ‘beacons of the law’,” I say, miming air quotes at the last four words. He tips his head back and laughs at this and I wish I could bottle up the sound and keep it forever.

         “And who fed you that bullshit?”

         “I think that’s a Derek Morgan quote if I remember correctly.”

         “Yeah, that sounds like something he’d say.” He slips the piece of paper in my hand and closes my fingers around it. “Put that somewhere safe, pretty girl.” He says into my ear, and I get goosebumps. I look up at him through my eyelashes and nod, giving him my best smile before turning and retreating back to the locker room. I immediately put his number into my phone. I slip the piece of paper into my locker after admiring his harsh handwriting. It makes me think about what else his strong hands are capable of. The rest of the night goes well, with several of my regulars coming in. It’s late – almost 3 AM when I’m finally getting my stuff together to leave. I slide out of my work clothes, putting on a pair of leggings and an oversized sweatshirt. I sling my bag onto my shoulders, bid Alex goodnight, and make my way out into the night. The bus stop is only a five-minute walk from the club, but the air is very still tonight. Something isn’t right. I should turn around and go back into the club and ask one of the other girls for a ride home, but I don’t want to bother anyone. I walk quickly to the bus stop, and I’m almost there when I hear it, a cough, and the sound of a voice. Several voices. Shit, shit, shit.

         “Hey! Beautiful lady! Where you headed tonight? Maybe we can help you?” A voice calls behind me. Several voices laugh. I’m in deep shit. I quickly fish my phone out of my pocket walk straight past the bus stop and veer right, closer to town. Rita’s, one of the local bars, is five minutes from the bus stop and I know they’re still open. If I can just make it there, I’ll be fine. I don’t give myself time to think as I press Hotch’s contact and press the ringing phone up to my ear. He picks up within ten seconds.

         “Hi, this is Y/N. I’m so sorry to bother you but there’s a group of guys following me right now.”

         “Where are you?”

         “Four minutes from Rita’s. Three if I pick up the pace.”

         “How close are they?” I listen for a second.

         “Thirty, maybe forty feet? Judging by their voices.”

         “I’m at Rita’s right now. Be there in a second.” He doesn’t hang up on the phone, keeping me on the line, probably so he can hear everything that’s going on.

         “Hey! Why are you walking away from us? We just want to have some fun!” Their voices are getting closer. Two people I can probably take in a fight, but it sounds like there are a least three of them. Those aren’t odds I’m willing to mess with. Rita’s comes into view and I see Hotch jogging towards me, hand on his hip – he’s armed. I shut my phone, shoving it back into my pocket. We make contact in the next few seconds, his arm coming around my shoulders and he hurries me inside the bar. Once inside, he turns to me, grabbing my face in his hands.

         “Hey, are you okay?” I nod, tears welling in my eyes. “Come on, come sit down.” He guides me to a small table in the back, away from the crowd. “Where’s your car? Why weren’t you driving?”

         “Stupid thing broke down again. It’s in the shop. I have to take the bus until it’s fixed.”

         “Yeah, you’re not doing that. No offense, but even with an FBI office here these streets aren’t very safe after midnight. I don’t even let my team members walk to their cars alone when we go out. I’ve got an extra car; you can borrow it until yours is fixed.”

         “Hotch that’s very generous, but I can’t accept that.”

         “You can, and you will. I don’t want to lay in bed at night unable to sleep because I’m afraid you’re about to get jumped. Do you own a gun?” I nod, still processing the fact that he inadvertently let slip that he thinks about me at night. “Good. Carry it with you.”

         “I can’t take it into the club.”

         “Then don’t let anyone see it.” He raises his eyebrows at me. “Some rules are meant to be broken. And if it comes down to breaking the club’s rules and saving your life, I hope you’d choose to save your life every time.”

         The bell on the door rings and the voices that were following me have come into the bar. I feel lightheaded and panicked, and my eyes widen when I look at Hotch.

         “What do you want me to do? Scare the shit out of them, beat the shit out of them, or get them kicked out of the bar?”

         “I kind of want to beat the shit out of them. How many are there?” Hotch glances back towards the door.

         “Four.”

         “Yeah, we can take ‘em.” He blinks in surprise.

         “You’re a very interesting person, Y/N.” He says, regarding me.

         “Yeah, well, I didn’t take martial arts for fifteen years to not use it. Come on.” I slip out of the booth, stretching my arms over my head pulling them tight, and then shaking them out. I pull the hair tie off my wrist and tie up my hair.

         “HEY! ASSHOLES!” I shout. They turn and look at me, grinning, but those grins disappear when they see the man lurking behind me. “What makes you think it’s okay to follow women around at night, hmmm?” The whole bar is quiet, watching the confrontation. “I don’t think that’s very nice, and neither does my very, very, scary boyfriend. So please, step outside with us so we can beat the shit out of you.” They glance at each other quickly, trying to decide if they want to take on me and Hotch.

         “I, uh, I think we’ll pass. Sorry, miss.” One of the men in the front says nervously.

         “Don’t do it again. Or we’ll really beat your asses, got it?” I say sweetly.

         “Got it. Sorry.” They duck out of the bar quickly and I feel Hotch’s hand on my lower back. The bar cheers and I give them a small little curtsy. I turn to face Hotch and he’s smiling at me.

         “So, I’m your ‘very scary’ boyfriend now?” He says, walking me back to the table and I feel my cheeks grow warm.

         “Shut up. They’re more likely to leave me alone if they think we’re together.” I avoid his gaze.

         “Fair enough, my very scary girlfriend.” I can hear the smile in his voice but, I avert the topic quickly.

         “So, what’s an FBI agent doing out at three in the morning? Don’t you have lives to save or something?”

         “Well, seeing as it’s early Saturday morning, I’m off the hook until Monday at 8 AM.”

         “Touché. But the question still stands, don’t you have things to attend to at home?”

         “Well, my son is with my sister-in-law, so I’ve got an open schedule.” Sister-in-law. Fuck. He’s married. That’s my one no-no. I’m fine with engaging with married men in the club – that’s their business, not mine. Damn, and I thought we were gonna have something.

         “Oh. I didn’t know you were married.” I shift in my seat, looking down at the table.

         “Don’t worry, she’s dead.” I blink in surprise.

         “I’m sorry, what?” My pitch tilts up on the last word.

         “She died two years ago.”

         “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

         “Hey, look at me.” I feel his hand close over mine. I look up at him. “I’m not upset with you. Just being honest. It was a long time ago, I’m okay.”

         “Okay.” I shift in my seat again.

         “You can ask.” He says.

         “I don’t want to be rude.”

         “Yet you’re literally fidgeting trying not to ask the question. Just ask it.” He’s got a half smile on his face – strange for a man who just admitted his wife is dead.

         “What happened to her?” I ask quietly and focus on his hand over mine on the table, rather than look into his endless eyes.

         “She was murdered.” I look up at him quickly, and he nods. “That’s all I’m willing to say right now.”

         “Of course, of course. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine going through that.” He just nods and I change the subject again.

         “Is your job dangerous? I mean, what exactly do you do for a living? Besides look intimidating as hell.”

         “You think I’m intimidating?”

         “Very. Why do you think I just kept staring at you and never actually talked to you?”

         “Well, it’s good to know the feeling is mutual, you’re also very intimidating.” I laugh at that.

         “Me? Intimidating? Yeah, like I’m gonna believe that.”

         “Y/N, you literally just stood up to four men and threatened to beat them up! And yes, you’re intimidating, especially in the club environment. You know everyone’s eyes are on you, so you play a part, coy, seductive, it’s entrancing and very intimidating.”

         “Well, I’m disappointed in you. You don’t seem like the kind of man to back down from a powerful woman.” I say, winking at him. His hand tightens imperceptibly over mine. “I’m serious though, what do you do for the FBI?”

         “I’m a profiler for the Behavioral Analysis Unit. We catch bad people, killers, mostly. Morgan is a profiler too.” He says, nodding towards the right. I turn around quickly and see Derek Morgan at a table a few away from us. He takes notice, winks at me, then goes back to talking to three women – two blonde women and one dark-haired woman.

         “Are they on your team too? The women?”

         “You don’t miss much, do you? And yes, from left to right, that’s JJ, Penelope, and Emily.” I wave at them, as now all the attention is on me, and they all smile and wave back.

         “They seem nice. Is that why you’re gone a lot? Working on catching killers?”

         “Yeah, we get cases all over the country.”

         “A well-traveled man, it seems.”

         “You could say that.”

         “I know it’s not in the US, but I’ve always wanted to go to Paris. It’s so cliché, but to be able to see the Eiffel Tower in person? I don’t think anything could compare to that.” I shrug, kind of embarrassed that I admitted that.

         “You would love Paris.”

         “You’ve been?” I exclaim and sit up straighter.

         “Many times. It’s a beautiful city, you would fit right in there.” I smile at that, before yawning. “Oh, I’m so sorry, I forgot you worked tonight. Would you like a ride home?”

         “As much as I’m enjoying talking to you right now, there’s no place I’d rather be than snuggled up in my bed right now.” He laughs and we slide out of the booth. We have to walk past Morgan’s table, and Hotch stops there.

         “We’re heading out, Morgan. Will you walk them to your car when you’re finished?”

         “Wouldn’t dream of doing anything different, Hotch. Hey Y/N, you work tonight?”

         “Yeah, and many of the girls were upset that you weren’t there to entertain us,” I say, winking at him. He lets out a laugh at that. “I’m Y/N, by the way,” I say, shifting my attention to the three women. They take their turn saying hi to me.

         “Hotch, you didn’t tell us she’s drop dead gorgeous,” Penelope says, grinning at me.

         “That wasn’t important to the story.”

         “Wait, what story?” I asked, confused.

         “The story where you flipped our very unsuspecting boss on his back,” Emily says laughing.

         “Hotch! You told them about that?”

         “Well, how else was I supposed to explain that I couldn’t do field work due to bruised ribs?” He shoots back, raising an eyebrow. I wince at that and mouth ‘sorry’. He shrugs, placing his hand on my back, a move that does not go unnoticed by the four profilers sitting in front of us.

         “Well, we’ll leave you to it,” Morgan says, winking, and I smack him on the shoulder.

         “And I better see you shelling out a lot of money at the club next week, dickhead.” The women watch the exchange with amusement.

         “Yeah, when can we come to the club with you, Morgan?” Penelope asks, genuinely curious. I feel Hotch stiffen behind me.

         “All in good time, ladies. I’ll lose all my favorite girls to you guys the moment you show up.”

         “You are welcome anytime, Penelope. We would love to have you. Either on stage or watching.” I say with a slight smile, and she blushes, flattered. “But I really do have to get going now. It was lovely meeting you all.” They echo the sentiment, and Hotch and I make our way into the chilly night. “Oh, you have a nice ass car.” I whistle low. The SUV has blacked-out windows and looks badass.

         “Government issued.” He says, opening the passenger door for me and giving me his hand to help me get in the car. He comes around the other side and gets in. “What’s your address?” I give him the address to the Sunningdale Meadows Condos, and he frowns.

         “Hey, no judging. I’m a college student, I’m just trying to get by.” He says nothing, just puts the car in drive and starts the short ten-minute drive to my apartment.

         “Which number are you?”

         “307. It’s towards the back on the left-hand side.” He finds the apartment number lit up just barely by my dim outdoor light. “Thank you so much,” I say, quickly undoing the seat belt and getting out of the car. I hear his door open as well and he comes around to my side. “Hotch, I can walk to my own apartment.”

         “I’m not taking any chances,” he says, voice tight. He offers me his arm and I happily take it as we make our way up to the second floor and I unlock my door.

         “Can I come in and check your locks and windows?” I laugh but he looks deathly serious.

         “Jeez, Mr. Serious. Yes, you can come in and check them.” I walk into the small, but quaint apartment and am greeted by my dog jogging up to us and butting into my legs.

         “I didn’t know you have a dog.”

         “I got him as protection, but he’s a faithful friend too,” I say scratching his ears. “Aren’t you, Cujo?” He laughs at that.

         “Cujo? Very fitting for a Doberman.” I smile up at him, and Cujo wanders over to Hotch, smelling him for a couple of seconds before sitting down and placing one of his paws on his knee.

         “That’s really weird, he doesn’t typically take well to strangers,” I say, straightening up and watching Hotch lean down to pet Cujo a few times. “Cujo, come!” I say, walking back towards my small kitchen. “Check what you need to check, Hotch, so you can sleep tonight.” He chuckles and I scoop out some dog food for Cujo, pouring it into his bowl and refilling his water. I can hear Hotch checking the locks and I smile to myself. He seems like a very caring man if he’s going this far just to make sure a stripper gets home safe. “Bedroom is in the back – I’ve got one window in there,” I call out softly, not wanting my voice to travel through the thin walls, but it’s not as if my neighbors are that considerate. He brushes past me, hands pressing into my hips briefly to squeeze behind me in the small walkway. My breath stutters in my chest but the moment is over just as soon as it began. I hear him check the lock in there.

         “Where do you keep your gun?”

         “In my nightstand, like everybody else. And there’s one in my ottoman by the door. As well as a set of throwing knives. And a couple of spare knives in my underwear drawer.” He pokes his head back into the kitchen.

         “I’m sorry, throwing knives?”

         “It’s just a hobby,” I say, shrugging.

         “You keep getting more and more interesting, Y/N,” he says, stepping into the kitchen and leaning on the fridge.

         “Are the locks up to your standards, sir?” I ask, mockingly. I watch his eyes darken and I make a mental note to revisit that later, preferably when I’m not bone tired.

         “They are. And I’m glad you have multiple ways to defend yourself. Cujo included,” he says, nodding his head towards my dog. Cujo cocks his head at Hotch and we both laugh at that.

         “Thank you. For the ride. For everything.” I say quietly.

         “Anytime. Give me a call when you’re up tomorrow and I’ll get you that car as I promised.”

         “Hotch, seriously, you don’t have to do that.”

         “I want to.” He says simply.

         “Well, let me walk you to the door,” I say, yawning and stretching my arms. I turn and walk towards the door, opening it for him. “Thank you, again.”

         “Of course, pretty girl.” He says and presses a quick kiss to my forehead before leaving my apartment, jogging down the stairs, and driving away. I’m smiling the whole time, and the smile is still on my face as I lock the door and get ready for bed.

---

chapter three

---

want to be tagged in future parts? click here!

[ranger-ribbons]

💭 - brainwash my muse into forgetting something, replacing it with a false memory.

Brody/Preston!!

Hmmmmmm.

~~~

Preston doesn't look up from his magic book as Brody walks in. "Ready, Preston?" the Red asks.

Preston shrugs, closing his book and setting it on the desk. "As I'll ever be, I guess. I still don't think this is a good idea."

Brody puts a comforting hand on Preston's shoulder. "It's gonna be okay. If it works, I forget all about Madam Odius torturing me. If it doesn't, I continue coping. No harm, no foul."

"I'm not worried about you," Preston replies. "What if I mess up?"

Brody squeezes the hand on Preston's shoulder. "It's okay, Preston's. I have total faith in you."

Preston sighs. "Okay," he replies. "Let's try it out."

Brody lays down on the couch and makes himself comfortable. Preston's hands shake as he pulls out the old pocket watch and lets the watch drop so he holds onto the end of the chain. Brody watches the watch as it swings slowly from side to side.

"Keep your eyes on the watch. Watch as it swings. It swings back and forth. You're watching the watch." Preston had watched Now You See Me before he tried this, Brody can tell. The Red shuts that thought down before it can break his concentration.

"You're getting tired. The watch is swinging and the hours pass as it does. Very tired. And," Preston clicks his fingers right under Brody's nose at the same time he commands, "sleep."

Brody's world goes dark.

~

Preston startles as Brody's eyes shut and he collapses back against the couch as if someone had hit his off switch. "Oh god," he murmurs, panicked. "Brody? Can you hear me?"

Brody slurs out a, "Yeah," and Preston feels like he can actually breathe.

"Okay," Preston says. He thinks back to the information he has from his spell books on hypnotism. Most sorcerers in the books had considered it a forbidden art. To mess with a person's memory is to commit an unspeakable crime. However, Preston had found a few and he holds to the rules they'd set in place like a life raft. "Brody, your mind is open to you. There is nothing you can't remember, there is nothing hidden from you." Brody makes a humming noise that Preston chooses to take as assent.

"Go back in you memories to the years on Galvanax's ship. Do you remember them?"

"Yes," Brody replies, hushed.

"Good," Preston soothes. He wraps one hand around his arm and rubs his shoulder, trying to soothe himself as well. "Think back to Madame Odius. To her torture and everything she's done. Do you remember?"

Brody makes a pained noise, but replies with an affirmative. Preston wants to reach out and touch him, but the books say not to so the Blue restrains himself.

"I want you to imagine the memories as file folders, okay? Take all those memories and put them into a box. The box is safe. The memories can't hurt you if they're in there." This tactic is mostly born of Preston's hands. His experiences with memories are to put them into a box and shove the box into the furthest corner of his mind. He's sure the therapist his teachers say he should see would love to talk about it. For now, though, Preston's thinks it should work fine here, too.

"Okay," Brody replies.

Preston swallows. "Now lock the box and set it on a shelf."

"Okay."

"This box is forever untouchable to you. You will not remember the contents of this box, when you awaken. You will not remember what Madame Odius did to you while you where on Galvanax's ship. When I snap my fingers, you'll awake with no memory of the box or its contents. Do you understand?"

This is the trickiest part. The hardest to get right. It has to be worded just so, or Preston could mess everything up.

"Yes," Brody replies.

"Okay," Preston says to himself. "Ready?" he asks Brody. "Three, two, one," Preston clicks his fingers again, once more commanding, "Wide awake!"

Brody's eyes snap open and he sits up. "Hey, Presto," he says. "Did it work?"

Preston shrugs. "You remember Madame Odius or her actions on the Warrior Dome?"

Brody frowns. "She didn't touch me on the Warrior Dome."

Preston breaks into a relieved smile. "It worked!"

~~~

@estel-eruantien thank you!

[celestiall0tus]

Miraculous AU - Chapter 13 - Perception

Beginning || Previous || Next

            Juleka stepped out into the night. She took a seat on the deck then reached into her pocket. She pulled the silver pendant necklace out and held it up. Anxiety filled her as she examined it. She just had to put this one and she’d meet the kwami. She’d become a hero, like Alya and Marinette, maybe. More importantly, it brought her closer to saving her brother. She took a deep breath, moved to put it on, but stopped.

            Juleka hesitated. Was this the right choice? She didn’t have any interest in being a hero or creating a team like Rose and the others did. She only wanted to help her brother. To shed his burdens and protect him from the butterfly bastard. But once she did that, what then? Would she just use this power to keep her family safe? Was it worth the risk to her loved ones? She was about to put the necklace back in her pocket when she remembered Alya’s words: “You’re not alone.”

            Juleka sighed. She wasn’t alone in this, was she? This wasn’t just her fight. Marinette was at the forefront, with whoever Chat was, fighting against the butterfly man for whatever reason. Alya likely accepted the call to action without a hint of doubt despite having no need to fight. Regardless of their motivations, they still fought a battle that they didn’t need to, and they were on her side. She wasn’t alone.

            Juleka took a deep breath. She steeled her resolve and put the necklace on. A white light emitted from the necklace as a ball of light appeared in front of her. She shielded her eyes until it faded to reveal a mouse kwami.

            “Um, hello. I’m Juleka.”

            “Greetings, Juleka. I am Mullo, the kwami of perception.”

            “Nice to meet you. Uh, if you don’t mind, I have some questions.”

            “Of course.”

            “So, did I pass your test?”

            “I’d say so.”

            “So, why test me exactly?”

            “There’s a lot of reasons. First, I believe your brother to be a good pick for the snake, despite being infested. Second, I believe you would be a good pick for my powers. But the biggest thing is you know the ladybug holder.”

            “Why is that a big deal?”

            “The ladybug and black cat are the greatest of all kwamis being creation and destruction. And I figured it’d be safer near them. With all of us, I’m sure the snake should feel safe enough.”

            “Speaking of, what do you offer?”

            “Like the others, I have two powers to offer, but also a Miraculous. For your solo powers, there is Perception and Bend. Perception gives you godlike senses, allowing you to hear, smell, and see things regardless of distance, so long as it’s on this planet at least. And Perception lasts for a minute. Bend allows you to manipulate the perceptions of others and even yourself. This could mean things like making yourself invisible to others, create flawless illusions in the minds of others, and even allow you to look into the minds of others.”

            “No way.”

            “Yes way. And an important note with Bend. It’s not like other greater powers that once activated, it consumes four uses of power, and lasts five minutes. It consumes one power per minute it is active. If you wish to change how you’re manipulating perception before a minute is up, it’ll consume another power and reset the timer. Understood?”

            Juleka nodded.

            “Now, the Miraculous requires the pig, kwami of ignorance. With it, you can create an area where reality is bended to how you wish it to be perceived. Alternatively, you can focus it on a single person and create a new reality for them. The downside is those affected by this Miraculous will only ever perceive the new realities and be forever blinded to the old one.”

            “That seems… extreme.”

            “As it must be. Miracles require a cost. To create, you must destroy. To see all, you must lose all. To know all there has been and will be, you must lose your mind. To save a life, you must take a life. For every miracle, a cost.”

            “Oh.”

            “Don’t worry. You can’t use this power unless you have the pig, and I haven’t felt their activation.”

            “That’s good at least. So, what do I do to active your necklace then.”

            “Juleka, if you wish to accept me and the duties I’ve taken to aid the snake, simply say, ‘Mullo, get squeaky.’ To de-transform, say, ‘Mullo, quiet down.’”

            “Um, what if the snake doesn’t choose my brother? What do I do then?”

            “Well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. First comes attracting the snake. The wolf is active, now I just need to be. So, do you accept?”

            Juleka took a deep breath, then stood up.

            “Mullo, get squeaky.”

            Mullo disappeared into the pendant. It turned white with five pink mice chasing each other in a circle. The string that held it turned into a pink choker that now supported the pendant.

            Juleka transformed as her hair turned white and the purple turned pink complete with mouse ears. Her bangs swept away from her eyes that turned pink with magenta pupils. Her clothes changed to a white midriff halter with the same mouse symbol on it and pants with tears in the pants. White formed from her wrist to her bicep that ended with a pink cuff and had holes in them. On top of the white sleeves, a pair of pink fingerless gloves appeared on her hands. The exposed skin of her shoulders and stomach covered in a pink fishnet Her shoes became white platform boots with a pink trim and platforms. A pair of strings hung from the boots like chains next to the mouse symbol. A pink whip wrapped around her and trailed off into a tail.

            Juleka’s eyes widened as she looked at herself. She ran up to the railing and looked over in her watery reflection. She smiled and waved at this version of herself. She should show the girls, but it was late. Alix would have snuck out, but she didn’t want to deal with that. Rose was likely sleeping, and she should leave Alya to rest. Although, Marinette might be out as Ladybug with Chat. She took a step back and listened. She could hear a lot in the city, but she couldn’t hear Marinette.

            “Perception,” Juleka whispered.

            Noise assaulted Juleka’s ears and her vision overwhelmed with endless scenery. She shut her eyes and clutched her head. She worked to sort through everything until she heard Marinette’s voice. She focused and saw Marinette as Ladybug, taking a stroll with Chat along the Seine, further up the river.

            Juleka opened her eyes as she focused on Marinette. She jumped from her home, onto the bridge. A small laugh escaped her as she landed. She burst into a sprint. She was fast, but not as fast as Louve. She was able to use her whip to swing around, but not in the same way Ladybug could with her yo-yo as she needed momentum. She made it to where Ladybug and Chat were walking, stopping along the ramp.

            Juleka started to say ‘Marinette,’ but stopped herself. “Ladybug!”

            Ladybug stopped and looked around until she saw Juleka. She approached as Juleka jumped down to join them.

            Ladybug smiled. “The mouse looks good on you.”

            “You know her?” Chat asked.

            “Yup. We’re friends outside of being heroes, and as heroes now.”

            “Well then. What shall we call you?” Chat asked.

            Juleka looked at herself, then at them. “Souris Blanche.”

            “Pleasure to meet you, Souris. Quite the team we got, eh, Bugaboo?” Chat said.

            Souris stepped forward while she looked around. “Actually, about that. We were kinda talking today about maybe setting up an official team. Well, one of our friends did at least.”

            “That may not be a bad idea,” Chat said.

            Ladybug nodded. “I’ve thought about it after I left, and it might be a good idea. We’ve already got me and Chat, as well as Louve and you, Souris.”

            Souris looked away. “I don’t think I’d be a hero, Ladybug. I only really accepted this to save my brother.”

            Ladybug’s breath caught. “What’s wrong with Luka?”

            Tears fell from Souris’ eyes. “He’s infested with Whispers, at least he’s gotta be by now. And Alya said once he’s infested, he’s primed to be transformed into a monster.”

            Ladybug shook her head. “How is that possible? Luka never seemed to… I mean he always seems so happy. What’s plaguing his heart?”

            “An old crush he had. I thought he had gotten over it, but it seemed it lingered enough to be taken advantage of.”

            Ladybug hugged Souris. “It’ll be ok. If we can’t find the snake in time and he is transformed, we’ll help him. You have my word.”

            Souris hugged Ladybug back. “Thank you. I hope we find the snake before then.”

            “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the deal with the snake?” Chat asked.

            “Oh, he’s the kwami of health, so a healer of sorts. He’s the only one capable of purging infestations.”

            “But he doesn’t trust humans. At least not since the Black Death. So, he usually doesn’t choose a holder until the wolf and mouse do. And apparently the mouse helps to assist the snake. So, we maybe have a chance of getting the snake to accept a holder,” Souris added.

            Chat’s eyes widened as he let out a breath and looked away. He ran a hand through his hair and ruffled the hair on the back of his head. Souris raised a brow as she observed his posture. His back was slightly curved to that almost made him look like his was slouching. One leg was straight, while the other was slightly bent. His other hand sat at his hip, almost like he was trying to put it into a pocket that wasn’t there. It was like the poses she studied during her own practices.

            Ladybug had approached Chat, reassuring him. His pose changed slightly as he moved the hand that he ruffled his hair with to rest on his neck. He looked at her, tilting his head slightly to the left, away from the hand on his neck. Both looked practiced, practically perfect. Almost like he was an actual model.

            “Are you a model?” Souris mumbled.

            Chat startled, his eyes widened, his cat ears perked up, and his tail shot up.

            Ladybug raised a brow. “What happened?”

            Chat smiled nervously and waved his hands in front of him. “It’s nothing. Just thought I heard something. These cat ears are really sensitive after all.”

            “Are you sure?”

            “Oh yeah, for sure. Probably also just tired is all. We did have an exciting day after all.”

            “We can call it an early night, if you’d like.”

            “We don’t have to. I’m not that tired.”

            Ladybug put a hand on Chat’s shoulder. “It’s ok. You put in a lot of work today and I’m not about to ask you to push yourself just spend time with me.”

            Chat’s cat ears drooped. “I don’t mind it. I enjoy your company.”

            Ladybug blushed and hugged Chat. “Thank you, but seriously, don’t push yourself. We can always hang out tomorrow. Take it easy.” She grabbed her yo-yo, threw it, and was gone.

            Chat sighed as he watched Ladybug leave. Souris stepped forward and stared at him.

            “You’re a model.”

            Chat’s ears twitched. “What makes you say that?”

            “The way you stand is like you’re posing, practiced and perfect like you’ve done it many times and it’s subconscious.”

            “That seems like a bit of a stretch, don’t you think?”

            Souris blinked. “Answer two questions of mine and we’ll see.”

            “Going to try guessing who I am? I don’t think two questions will be enough.”

            “Then let me prove you wrong. Are you a teenager that’s about sixteen or seventeen?”

            “Yes.”

            “Is green your natural eye color?”

            “Not this green, but yes.”

            “So, let’s see. You’re about my age, a model based on that every time I’ve seen you, and not just in person, you’ve been posing in one way or another almost like you’ve been doing it for some time now. And the mask and hair threw me off just a bit, I’m starting to recognize your face. Your voice is a little harder for me to pinpoint as, if I’m right, we only met once prior to this.”

            Chat crossed his arms and eyed her suspiciously. “Who do you think I am?”

            “You’re Adrien Agreste, aren’t you?”

            Chat’s cat ears and tail twitched. “You figured it out from all that?”

            Souris thumbed the pendant. “I guess I’m a good pick for the kwami of perception, don’t you think?”

            Chat grinned. He uncrossed his arms a little, letting his left elbow rest on the back of his right hand. “I’ll give you that, you are. But seriously, how’d you know I was a model?”

            “I’ve kinda studied modeling and you are a big name, so y’know.”

            “Why study modeling? Aren’t there be more interesting things to study?”

            Souris played with her hair as she looked away. “Promise you won’t laugh?”

            “I promise.”

            Souris sighed and sat on a nearby bench. “I want to be a model one day, so I’ve been studying the industry and practicing when I can. I haven’t had a chance to step into the industry, but I might on a smaller scale.”

             Chat sat next to Souris. “Yeah? What is it?”

            “Well, my friend, Marinette, is an aspiring designer. We’ve worn some of her designs before, and I know she’s happy with that, but we all know she’s hoping for more. So, Alya has been pushing for her to make a website and I volunteered to model for her.”

            Chat’s smile and gaze softened as he looked at the river. “A website is a good idea. I hope she gets into the industry. I’ve seen her designs and they’re quite good.”

            Souris eyed Chat as she rested her chin on her hands. She knew that look anywhere. “Did you want to spend more time with Marinette? You seem quite attached already, which isn’t too surprising. She tends to attract people to her.”

            Chat sighed. “I wish, but I wouldn’t be able to as Adrien. And I don’t think I could hang out with her when I’m Chat.”

            “What about modeling her designs? I know she still needs a male model.”

            Chat considered, then nodded. “Maybe, but how would we even propose the idea?”

            Souris smiled. “Mullo, quiet down.”

            Mullo appeared from the pendant and transformed Souris.

            Juleka took her phone from her back pocket and handed it to Chat.

            “I can work something out. I would just need your number to contact you. Plus, for the team thing they’re putting together.”

            Chat smiled and took the phone. “Y’know, for someone who doesn’t think they’ll be a good hero, you sure are pushing the idea of this team.”

            Juleka shrugged. “My girlfriend wants to help us, so it’s the least I can do. Plus, it saves them a little of a wait. And don’t worry, we’ll try to keep your and Ladybug’s identities a secret from the two of you.”

            Chat chuckled as he finished adding his contact information. “Well, I think I already know, but it would put her mind at ease.”

            “You know already?”

            Chat nodded and handed back Juleka’s phone.

            Juleka grimaced as she took her phone. “Are you going to say something?”

            “I want to, but my kwami told me that hers holds her to a different standard. So, I guess I’ll wait until she’s ready or unless something else happens.”

            “Well, for appearances, we’ll keep it separate. I won’t tell the girls or Ladybug about it just to be safe. At least until you’re both ready.”

            “Thank you. Well, I’m going to head off. Prowl the city a bit before I head home.”

            “I’ll see you later.”

            “Of course. And, hey, if you ever want a night to practice your modeling, I’d be happy to help.”

            Juleka’s eyes widened. “Yeah, of course. I’ll let you know.”

            Chat smiled and waved, then headed off.

            “Let’s head home. Mullo, get squeaky.”

            Mullo disappeared into the pendant and transformed Juleka, who headed back home.

~~

            A butterfly sat on a streetlight as it watched the cat and mouse heroes from afar. Once both had left, it made its way back to its master. It slipped through the walls into the dark room filled with purple orbs as the man worked. The butterfly landed on his index finger.

            “Ah, which do you have to add to?”

            The butterfly flew up and searched the orbs until it found the one it was looking for. The man lowered it to him, revealing a teenage boy with black and blue green hair, dressed like a little wannabe groupie. The man’s Whispers had worked well, but the boy resisted, slowing the progress.

            The man assessed the current plague this boy suffered. He tsked at the simple, buried unrequited love, then turned to the new butterfly. He looked into it and saw a girl with black and purple hair, similar to the boy. Siblings, he assumed. This girl spoke with the holder of the black cat but looked to have a kwami in her possession too. He watched the silent exchange until the girl transformed into a mouse themed punk.

            The man hummed. “Let’s look into the boy’s heart.”           

            The man looked back to the boy, exposing his vulnerable heart. He saw the unrequited love buried deep, just about dead. Annoying that the whisper would turn to that first, although it did some work and planted a seed of contempt for the feline hero. However, what lay bare on the surface was far more intriguing. The boy was the strong one of the family. Always stood up for the girl, the sister. Doing what he could to keep her safe and happy, even at the expense of his own. A true brother and protector, but something so easily exploited. A shame it wasn’t before, but he would rectify that.

            The man lowered the original Whisper but didn’t remove it. He split the new one into two separate ones. The first half he molded into a Whisper to prey on the boy’s need to protect his sister, his fear of failing her, and her turning to the feline hero for protection. The second half he molded into his sister refusing his protection while she ran off to play hero that played into his fear of losing her forever. Before he applied the new Whispers, he took the original and reshaped it to feed on the seed of hatred for the black cat holder. Once he finished, he applied all the Whispers. The silhouette of the boy turned black as the new Whispers made quick work of him.

            The man cackled. “You will be a marvelous creation, boy. Just a little bit longer. Let that contempt fester and grow.” He placed the orb in the top of his cane, so he didn’t lose it. He turned back to the other orbs and continued his work.

[bullet-prooflove]

Donna’s Wednesday Radio Show Prompt List #6

Hey guys! As some of may know I do a weekly radioshow on Wednesdays and I thought why not put together a prompt list from some of the songs I’ve been playing. I thought it would bring some fresh prompts into our world!

Feel free to pop any of these prompts with a charcter I write for (You can find these on the pinned post on my blog) into my ASK box!

1.      won't let me see this side of you

2.      You looked at death in a tarot card and you saw what you had to do

3.      I'm drinking tonight, gonna give up the fight

4.      turning me on Like a slow fire burn

5.      I choke back tears 'til I damn near drown

6.      You're not gonna make it

7.      Loveless nights, they seem so long I know that I'll hold you someday.

8.      We still talk like everyday But we don't talk in the same way that we used to

9.      This is the last time you say After the last line you break

10.   He pulled you closer, said he'll never let go

11.   And if only I could find the words Or muster up the nerve to tell her

12.   Can't keep my hands to myself

13.    the ghost of my sin

14.   But till you come back where you belong It's just another lonely Sunday.

15.   I fell for a boy who could never ever let me walk home that way 'Cause you gotta be safe

16.   You say that you love me, You won't remember in the morning

17.   I wish I'd known that it would be this hard to be alone. Please, come home!

18.   You're speaking like you really love him

19.   Maybe we'll see that we were wrong If ever we look back one day

20.   I thought that I was the exception I could rewrite your addiction

21.   The only thing stronger than you is whiskey

22.   Please, come back, don't you leave me

23.   When you're dying in LA

24.   Now all I can do is lay in my room Fall asleep, dream of you

25.   Tonight with me Won't you cut it up and dance all over me

26.   I'll never forget her and she'll always have a part of me

27.   He can be the one you run to, the one that saves ya

28.   the taste of goodbye on your lips when you kiss me

29.   You couldn't trust him but you never said no

30.   You trace my lines Stirring my soul

31.   And now you're dancing like you need him

32.   Don't let me go down this road again, We both know where this ends

33.   Put it in your pocket don't tell anyone I gave ya

34.   But for an angel, she's a hot, hot mess

35.   We both know love is not that easy

36.   He kissed you on the lips and opened your eyes

37.   Goodbye to my hopes and dreams

38.   I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain

39.   Trust me, you'll make it through

40.   I know that I'm running out of time

41.   You had to catch your breath, got such a surprise

42.   Might be over now, but I feel it still

43.   Every now and then she makes you just a little bit crazy

44.   And you always forgot how it feels to live in his lies

45.   I wanna watch you undress

46.   It was your first cigarette

47.   But friends keep telling you what he did last night

48.   give-me-some-more girl

49.   In that moment he made you forgot how it feels when he's gone

50.   I know that it's wrong Still I run right into you

51.   I would rather we just go our different ways

52.   And now you're feeling like you miss him

53.   And you try to remember that there's no way you could ever be friends

54.   You better get your shit together

55.   He's out your system yeah it took you a while

56.   I know, 'cause I've been there too

57.   You and me together, forever

58.   I'ma disappear when they come for me

59.   You surround me, pull me, drown me then swallow me whole

60.   I shake and I shiver just to feel you breathe

61.   And all you want is just to hold her

62.   I forget who you used to be

63.   She's like a one-way ticket cause you can't come back

64.   You're way too young to be broken

65.   You pull me in close And buckle my knees

66.   I know it must seem frightening To have the world fall apart right under your shoes

67.   And I bit my lip the second you sipped The poison that was mixed for me

68.   You're way too young to play these games

69.   'Cause there are deeper and darker things than you

70.   From the beating of your heart

71.   Everything's turning dark to you

72.   I'm not the one Who wants to hurt you

[dreamyautumns]

P5R third semester AU time!

~~~

*Ring!*

LeBlanc's door swung open. A man in a brown coat walked inside, a genuine smile plastered over his face. He sat down at one of the empty booths and looked at the clock.

"Amamiya-san! I'm here to talk with you!" the man called.

A slight creak from the stairs, followed by the rustling of clothes. Ren had gotten dressed from sleeping in and walked towards the stairs.

"Dr. Maruki," Ren breathed. He mustered up some of his strength and looked down at his pocket. He dropped to a whisper just before the wall at the stairs, opening his coat pocket to see Sumire sitting there with a sad look on her face. "Will you be ok?"

Sumire looked up at the giant's concerned face and nodded. "Don't worry about me, Senpai. I'll be fine."

Ren sighed, then closed his pocket. He quietly made his way towards the former therapist and sat down across from him. "Hello, Maruki."

"Hi there," Maruki said in a friendly tone. "How are things going for you in my reality?"

"You shrunk Sumire," Ren stated, his tone going dark. "When I said I wanted to be strong enough to protect her, this isn't what I meant. She isn't some helpless puppet; she's a strong girl capable of taking of herself."

"Where IS she, if I may ask?" Maruki questioned, skipping right over the boy's concerns.

Ren hesitantly reached for his pocket and looked down into it. Sumire was visibly shaking, so he held a finger out to her. "You'll be ok. Trust me."

Sumire reluctantly clung to his thumb and shut her eyes as he slowly lifted her out his pocket. Ren placed the tiny girl on the table and folded his hands in front of her to protect her. Maruki tilted his head at the sight of the 4-inch girl and smiled.

"Hi, Yoshizawa-san. I'm sorry that this meeting is... well, how do I put it? A bit out of perspective, wouldn't you agree?"

Sumire nodded her head, and even though she was afraid, she bowed to him. "I do believe so, yes."

Maruki turned to Ren, his eyes shining. "Is this what you wished to discuss with me?"

"Yes, actually. I want you to change her back."

"But why? You are able to take care of her this way. And you said it yourself; she's easy to protect like this," Maruki questioned.

"Like i already said, Sumire is capable of protecting herself. She doesn't need to be this small to be protected. You see her as someone who couldn't accept herself, and in doing so, you assisted her in running away from her true self. And now you're doing it again, but this time through me."

Maruki shuffled. Sumire could feel the table beneath her move from his movement. She quietly climbed back into Ren's hand, so the giant cupped it around her to reassure her.

"I could change her back... but I want you to accept my reality. No one here is in pain. I promise that all your dreams will come true. Even your desire to keep her safe. I'll ensure nothing bad will ever happen to her ever again," Maruki replied.

"So she'll be forced to live like this forever if he doesn't change his mind?"

A new voice had entered the conversation. Akechi strode into the café, a scowl across his face. Sumire gave him a tiny wave, to which the brunette glanced at her, then turned away with a slight wave back.

"Is it really forcing if she is safe and underneath his care?" Maruki asked.

"Did you even consider her feelings about this? What if she doesn't WANT to be 4 inches tall?" Ren asked. "She has a life, but one that doesn't involve her being tiny."

Maruki sighed. "I thought I could reason with you... do you perhaps need another week?"

Akechi and Sumire stared at Ren expectantly.. The boy sighed and looked back. "No."

"I can sense your hesitation."

Ren looked at Maruki and stopped.

"One more week, and then you should have your definite answer."

With that, Maruki got up and left. Akechi turned to Ren and sighed.

"You're SERIOUSLY considering his reality?"

"N-no... I'm not."

Sumire motioned to Ren's face, so the boy lifted his palm. The tiny girl placed a hand on his nose and rubbed it.

"I'm sorry, Senpai. I never meant for any of this to happen."

"It's not your fault, Sumire," Ren replied. He gently cupped her in his hands and held her close to him. He then got up from the table and turned to Akechi.

"I need to just... think. I don't know what to do. I obviously want Sumire to return to normal, but then again... everyone is happy here."

"She won't be herself," Akechi stated. "And no one else will be either."

Sumire looked at Akechi and then back at Ren. "Whatever you pick, Senpai, I'll be ok with. Honest."

Ren shook his head. "You can't stay like this. No matter how badly Maruki wants me to accept his reality so you can be normal, we need to go back to our regular reality. He's punishing YOU for reverting back to your old self."

"Then I'll do my very best to support you all in this fight," Sumire replied. "I may not be able to help you right now, but I can definitely give you my support."

Akechi smirked. "That's good to hear. So? What do you say, Ren?"

Ren looked down at the tiny girl, then back at the brunette. His lips curled into a gentle smile.

"Alright. When Maruki comes back next week... we're taking back reality. No matter how big or small."

[thekillianquinn]

Killian felt his heart swell with love for Valentina as he pulled her into a tight embrace. “I love you more than words could ever express,” he whispered into her ear. “You’re my heart and soul, Valentina. I don’t know where I’d be without you in my life.” Kilian meant every word he said to Valentina. He still can’t believe how lucky he was to be with someone so wonderful and kind. “I am not!” He huffs with a grin before he kisses the back of her head and helps place everything at the table. “Welcome darling,” Kal responds as he takes his seat and started to help Val prepare her plate. “Ugh, I know. But who do you think it is?” he asked with a grin. “Whose been your favorite performer so far?” he asked curiously as he gives her a plate of her food and then makes his. “Ken is by far still my favorite judge.” He says with a laugh. As dinner progressed, the couple sat in silence for a moment, just enjoying each other’s company. They knew that they had found something special in each other, and they were grateful for every moment they got to spend together. They were each other’s safe haven, and nothing could ever come between them. Love had brought them together, and love would keep them together forever. Once finished with dinner, Kal looks at Val with a smile. “Man, that was delicious babe. That spicy salsa really hit the spot. You ready for some dessert?” He asked standing up, beginning to clear the table. Once she answered Kal smiles and says “Be right back. I made you something special.” And he rushes to the kitchen. Putting all the dishes in the sink, Killian pulls a small black box out of his pocket. He opens it and takes a deep breath as he looks at the item inside. "It's now or never, Quinn," Killian whispers to himself as he starts preparing dessert. Placing the second ring on the dessert, Kal closes it in the contraption and brings it out. "Before I show this to you, I need you to close your eyes, Val." Kal waits for her to close her eyes and then walks in front of her. Gently placing the dessert down in front of her, he goes behind her and says, "Okay, open your eyes, beautiful." He says as he kneels down. "Open it," he responds with a grin, waiting for the moment. Seeing her expression change, Killian immediately began speaking, "Val, I love you more than anything in this world. There is nobody else in this world I rather spend the rest of my life with. You are everything to me and bring out the best in me. Life is always better with you Will you marry me?" @valentinaxlopezx

[whodarestoloveforever]

We lost you on Thursday.

We laid you to rest today.

My entire life you were my best friend, and my Nana.

The dread and loneliness that consume me attempting to comprehend the reality that you’re gone feels insurmountable, but otherwise is indescribable.

And I ask myself a question almost identical to one I’ve heard numerous times before, but is now so raw, painful and real:

How can such a strong person,

a life brimming with so much energy and love,

a soul so powerful,

simply…disappear?

You lived life in a way that made the inevitable seem impossible. You made 95 years seem too soon. In the past 15 years alone you battled and fully recovered from heart surgery, a stroke, emergency surgery, cancer, and technically even covid. You could’ve lived forever, proved immortality is actually possible, and it would’ve been less of a shock than this. I genuinely never expected to outlive you.

Thank you for quite literally everything you’ve ever given me, and for all the memories I have of/because of you.

For the memories I share with D and H, and even with B; all the times I’d come over to your apartment on a Saturday evening, and we’d order Chinese food (was there ever a time you didn’t get sesame chicken?), then set up the pullout sofa-bed exactly the way you wanted it, and finally watch a movie or tv until we’d doze off. It didn’t matter how late mom and dad would pick me up the following day, they always came too early.

For all the trips the two of us would take to the mall to get dinner from some place in the food court, and then walk around and shop…and sorry for all the times I pulled you into Hot Topic, I know you hated going in there.

For the countless stories you got to tell me about relatives I never had the chance to meet.

Even for the times I took you to doctor’s appointments, because we’d still spend time together afterwards, whether it was going to the diner or Red Lobster, or just going back to your apartment and keeping you company.

And even for all the things that may seem unimportant or even silly;

Like when you were the only one who showed genuine anger after the girl who bullied me left a threatening note in my backpack, and you told me to “punch her right in her fucking face”.

Or that one time mom and I were at your apartment and she had seemingly gone through every channel on your tv, but still couldn’t find something you wanted to watch, so she gave up and handed me the remote. So I sat down next to you on the couch, then almost immediately found and put on IASIP for us; you thought it was the funniest fucking show(and of course you decided Charlie Day was your favorite before we’d even finished one episode).

I’ll miss everything about you, right down to the smart ass remarks, the multiple, sometimes nonstop phone calls, and the never ending voicemails that’d fill up the mailbox on mom’s phone.

I could go on forever, but it would never be enough; 5 giant trifold boards filled with cards and photos of you throughout the years with various family members and friends could only display the tiniest fraction of photos, and memories, that really exist. All of the family and friends in one room for you, and it felt so wrong that you weren’t right there along with us.

Your hair and makeup looked amazing. And I promise that you were taken care of by some of the best in the industry, at least one of them a former classmate of mine, so you were not left alone with strangers like you’d so often worry about.

Mom got you your newspaper and gave it to you along with $5;

Ash bought you your usual lucky numbers for the next lotto drawing and gave that to you;

I snuck a $20 into your pocket, just like you’d do to me and all your other grandchildren.

We made sure, and I think it’s safe to say that you’ve got pretty much everything you usually need and want, so you’re all set for wherever it is you may be.

The last time I visited you, before saying goodbye I told you, “I’ll see you soon”. I hope so badly that somehow, in some way, I’ll be able to.

[creacherkeeper]

multiples of 4 for waylon squad <3 pwease

4. what is their comfort food?

waylon: hot chocolate <3

scruggs: borscht!!

lizzie: chocolate chip cookies :o)

kelsey: plain spanish rice

8. what is the most interesting thing that they regularly carry on their person?

waylon: his old wedding ring

scruggs: a leather cord bracelet with five beads on it

lizzie: probably her sword. all her important items are Put Away Safely

kelsey: a cool looking rock and a wax candle from onion they always keep in their pockets

12. do they tend to hold a lot of tension in their body? if so, where?

waylon: not really. he cant feel his body too much anymore

scruggs: not as much as he used to. but i think he clenches his fists when he's upset and they can get achy

lizzie: yeah, a lot. mostly in her shoulders

kelsey: yes <3 their back and legs hurt a lot

16. which member of their family are they the most fond of, if any?

waylon: he loves all his kids but kelsey is. his baby.

scruggs: you could get scruggs to choose between all his sisters over his cold dead body but he. was a mama's boy <3

lizzie: scruggs is definitely the easiest to get along with but she's put the most effort into strengthening her relationship with kelsey and feels really proud of the place they've been able to get to even if it's not perfect. she is. very protective over kelsey <3 which luckily kelsey doesnt mind too much

kelsey: they love both of their siblings but. they are a daddy's girl <3

20. describe one of your favourite rp moments with this character

waylon: he hasn't had a Ton of screentime but i think the fight between him and lizzie that will overheard and then his subsequent conversation with will about brandi <3 just listened to lizzie be like youre not my dad actually so fuck off and then immediately was like. no you can kill brandi actually go for it

scruggs: simply all the him and will being horny on main scenes are so so funny 2 me. horndog ass middle aged men

lizzie: the onion and lizzie catfight <3 and then immediately afterwards giving divine her jacket and rambling about why she likes divine and getting kissed about it. girl had a Day

kelsey: they havent had much screentime (where they actually talked) but as far as their Content probably summer fun day <3 autism creacher on main <3 sister time <3

24. are they good at keeping secrets? does it depend on how big the secret is?

waylon: very much so yes

scruggs: he is <3 not very good at it <3 but will if it's important. he's a lot better at keeping other people's secrets than his own

lizzie: oh she will keep any secret forever and ever

kelsey: they're okay at keeping secrets but mostly because they only talk to their family members. so they Can keep secrets there's just less stakes for them to

28. what is something that helps to comfort them?

waylon: music. it's something he can still enjoy even though he's a zombie

scruggs: making a meal for people he cares about <3

lizzie: her jacket :o)

kelsey: tight hugs!!

32. what emotion do they feel the most often?

waylon: sadness

scruggs: mirth

lizzie: frustration

kelsey: fear

36. are they introverted or extroverted?

waylon: introverted

scruggs: very extroverted!

lizzie: pretty in the middle

kelsey: wants to be around people all the time but only Their People

40. what do they smell like?

waylon: rotten meat and flowery perfumes

scruggs: cedarwood and smokey

lizzie: sun baked clay and honey

kelsey: fizzy and sparkly and lavender

[hwangbun]

There's so much to say about this chapter. it makes me want to become a literature major just so I can write a thesis paper on it. analyse and pick every word from it. I want the chapter to never end but also to fit it all in a little a5 piece of paper so I can fold it up and put it in my pocket. to unfold and enter slwy!verse everywhere I go. I want to have coffee with you so I can pick apart your elite brain, Jade.

...you're right, 40k words went by so fast. there's so much to unpack in this chapter... so many events happened that 40k didn't really give it justice! it could have been fleshed out into 2, 3 chapters, and it still wouldn't feel drawn out.

I feel like we got to explore a very different facet of hyunyn here, both their individual characters and their dynamics together... from our perspective (reader and yn's) it really seems like hyunjin made a 360degree turn out of seemingly nowhere. All his repressed desperation came out in this short span of 40k words lol. But because of this, and because I'm a simple person who likes simple things :) it slightly frustrated me when we weren't offered an explicit explanation from Hyunjin about "what changed"... and only heart stupid fluttering comments like

“I’ve been doomed for you ever since I saw you. Nothing changed. I just…decided to stop fighting it.”

“Even when you were gone…you were everywhere.”

“I have all of you in me.”

TT

He confessed so many times this chapter all pointing toward a "i love you. stay with me forever" but never explicitly that. That's why it felt nice to have him say

“I’m not drunk, Y/N. If you really want to know what changed…the past month, I’ve just been feeling so fucking stupid. Seeing you with somebody else. I think I wanted to die when I saw you kiss Nate…and not being able to talk to you about everything, god, for the past few months, I couldn’t get you out of my head and I would have so much to say and no one to say it to…and then on the other hand, I see Chan the happiest he’s ever been, and I feel…so fucking stupid.”

It's so nice to have them communicating honestly with each other. Like their bathroom scene LOL why are they both so sly. Speaking of which, why was this chapter so fucking funny xD. I don't know if that was your intention but the banter between everyone was chef's kiss :3

Having said that I would love to know more about what had explicitly made Hyunjin change his mind, because he had such a pessimistic view of relationships re

Hyunjin shrugged, “I don’t know. Things will never change. But I’m not gonna be the one to take away his hope”. “You really think that…?” “I don’t think that. I know it” Your heart dropped, offended at the negativity he possessed, “Would it kill you to be a little more positive?” He swallowed, looking right at you, “Me being positive is not gonna bring them back together”.

It's safe to say that convo is never leaving my mind LOL. Even if you are trying your best to work around it couldn't you have kept y/n in the loop or not repeatedly tell her she can't be in your life babe !! I love you, but there are only so many times you can keep hurting me, LOL.

It seems like he had somewhat of an epiphany or has finally come to terms with the fact that he LOVES y/n …. despite him running from love all this time. so you know what, I AM proud of you babe no matter how frustrating you are <3 baby steps :)

-------

I also loved the scene where they were having a deep talk in the middle of a fucking party, in the midst of all the chaos... they understand each other so profoundly, and genuinely care about what each other has to say, and each other's thoughts and opinions... they don't just conversate to talk. but to listen, which I think not many people actually do. The little things like y/n being curious, and genuinely wanting to know more about his thoughts

Your eyes searched his, “What do you mean?”

That little sentence and this whole exchange makes up the bulk of why I love their relationship so much, and why they are so perfect for each other. They are so alike in their genuine curiosity and need to explore each other, and the world. To see the world through each other’s eyes.

Changbin cleared his throat, “Well. I think I’m too drunk for this conversation.”

was funny as fuck and really highlighted that no one understands them better than each other. It kind of pulled me back into reality - I was so fixated on them much like they are on each other, that I forgot they were at a party, with other people there in the room too lol.

-------

I also really liked how you wrote the whole part of y/n breaking down. It felt really organic and so real;

The dam broke. A single tear at first. Then a sob. “Hyun…”

Sometimes, we just need somebody to hug;

“I don’t want you to react. I just wanted you to listen.”

I also really liked (I liked everything LOL) this part bcus it is what a lot of people unintentionally and habitually do — redirect the conversation to themselves..

He was redirecting the conversation to him, when it was about you. Your head hurt at this faux chivalry. Did he really even care about Jieong or did he just want someone to pin his anger on?

I think it's a bit of both. He certainly cares about what Jieong did and how he made y/n feel, but he was also angry at himself for not being there for her when it happened (…obv). Which was more dominant...that I'm not too sure...I totally understand y/n's confusion and frustration because at this point, he hadn't really given her much.

But yeah, YOU gave us so much Jade!!!! This chapter was so much to take in and I have got to reread it!! Thank you as always and I can't wait for some sickeningly sweet tooth rotting fluff for the remaining chapters :)))xxx

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 19

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au, star-crossed lovers

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him. there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned. 

word count: 40K (yeah....i promise it doesn't feel like that much!)

warnings: cursing, lots of casual drinking, mature content, angst, mutual pining, a shit ton of sexual tension, slight jealousy, making out, kissing, mature language, dirty jokes, arguments, reference to depression, some self-blaming, whipped! hyunjin, a lot of fluff

a/n: this is definitely one of my favourite chapters, and ends with an arc I've been looking forward to for a while. it's a very hyunyn centric chapter, which is why i love it. i honestly could have worked on this chapter forever, because there's so much i wanted to include, and i hope you like the finished product. please get comfortable with snacks and a blanket to read, and some light music to match. you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

The snowflakes had settled on his coat, melting slowly in the warmth of the apartment, battling the cold from the outside where he’d left the door open. His eyes were filled with confusion, gaze moving from you to the duffel bag in your hands. The wheels clicked in his head, and oh, to know what went through Hyunjin’s mind when he put two and two together. You would kill to know how his mind worked, especially right now. His lips parted, but before he could say anything, you said, “What are you doing here, Hyunjin?”

His brows furrowed as some kind of epiphany sank in, “Are you going somewhere?”

It wasn’t an answer to your question, and you had no energy to justify yourself right now, “That doesn’t concern you.”

“What do you mean?” He took a step up tentatively like if he stepped too close, you’d run away. But you were, weren’t you? You were running away. You didn’t want to talk to him, not when all of your latest conversations with Hyunjin had ended in heartbreak. You had made up your mind, and you were going home. He obviously didn’t want you in your life, as he’d explicitly stated every time. So why the fuck was he at your doorstep?

You looked him in the eye, a bubbling anticipation rising within you at his possible reaction. He obviously wouldn’t care though, would he? He wanted you gone too. You swallowed, speaking clearly so he wouldn’t misunderstand, “I’m leaving, Hyunjin.”

“What?” A flash of confusion crippled his features. Just then, Jeongin’s voice carried through the stairwell, and you heard his footsteps as he ran up the stairs, yelling, “The taxi’s here! I already put your suitcases in the trunk.”

Hyunjin frowned, “Your suitcases? What is he talking about?”

Helpless, you stared at him. You had no clue how to explain this to him because it would mean admitting that you were wrong about everything. About moving here, about the classes, about Jieong… You weren’t going to be weak in front of him. His cheeks were red, courtesy of the quickly developing storm outside. It just meant you needed to get out of here as soon as possible, you couldn’t wait around for your train to get delayed because of the increment weather. It was fitting, because the snowstorm matched you. You tightened the grip on your bag, taking a step ahead, and your voice didn’t waver as you said, “It means that I’m going home, Hyunjin. To Daejon.”

“I’m sorry…what?” His eyes widened. You stepped closer, lugging your bag with you, “You heard me…” Finally, you came eye-to-eye with him in the middle of the staircase, “I never should have come here. It was my mistake. So you don’t have to worry about me being in your life anymore, and since you’re probably never coming back to Daejon then….” You swallowed, staring at him, and suddenly it was harder to speak the following few words, “Then… I guess this is goodbye, Hyunjin.”

He blinked at you, voice raising in his prolonged disbelief, “Wait…What are you talking about? What do you mean, you’re going home?”

You had no clue how to explain this to him, you suppose it was out of nowhere…but what did he expect? Right at that moment, Jeongin finally caught up to you on the sixth floor, and he stopped to catch his breath, hands on his knees, panting, “I have no idea why I just ran up all those stairs.” He straightened up, finally noticing Hyunjin, “How did you get into the building?”

Hyunjin looked back at him as if this was the last of his problems, stating bluntly, “I pushed open the door. It wasn’t locked.”

“That doesn’t mean you can just come into a stranger’s building, what the hell, dude” It should have been expected that Jeongin, obviously was unaware of and possibly didn’t give a fuck about idols. In any other circumstance, you might have found it funny. Hyunjin frowned at him, “I’m not a stranger. She knows me.”

You sighed, “Jeongin, I’ll be down in a minute. Thank you for getting the taxi.” Jeongin was still suspiciously glaring at him, then looked at you, face immediately relaxing, “Okay. The drivers really hate waiting, so I suggest you go soon, Y/N.”

Your decision was suddenly settling in and becoming more real. You gave him a nod, “Right. I’ll get going then.”

You stepped past Hyunjin, brushing his shoulder, and a part of you was satisfied that he didn’t have as big of an effect on you as he used to. You didn’t stop dead in your tracks because of him. You’d decided what you would do, and nothing Hyunjin could say would change your mind. It seemed like he was still catching up to this new information you’d dumped on him. His face was in disbelief as you passed him, and you hurriedly descended the stairwell. If you stopped to think about this decision, you might regret it, or you might cry, and you weren’t going to let either happen. The front door was in sight, and chills ran up your skin the closer you got. Your head was pounding with the weight of this hurried decision. You won’t regret this. You couldn’t. Daejon was your home, and you needed to be there.

Through the fog of your thoughts, you heard Hyunjin call your name. At first, your name sounded like a realization, and then it was more in desperation. The taxi waiting for you honked loudly, and you paused at the front door. Hyunjin’s footsteps were loud in the atrium, and he was running down the stairwell. He was running to catch up to you. It was a stupidly dangerous thing to do. He could fall or trip. That was the only reason you stopped, turning around in frustration, “What are you doing? You could get hurt.”

He gripped the rusty railing, and his coat flew behind him as he caught up to you, breathless, “What’s going on? Can you please just tell me?”

“It’s stupid to run down the stairs. What were you even thinking?” You frowned, heart calming down at seeing that he was okay.

“I’m not thinking.” His teeth grit together, and he was still breathing heavily, voice hoarse, “I don’t understand. Can you just please talk to me?”

“What part?” A sorry laugh escaped you, “I told you. I’m going back home. That’s it. There’s nothing more to tell. Goodbye, Hyunjin.”

He reached out, grabbing your arm to stop you, “No, but why?”

You weren’t going to tell him about what happened. Of course not. “I don’t know Hyunjin. There’s nothing in the city for me to stay for. Why are you even here? I thought you said you couldn’t be a part of my life.”

Hurt flashed across his face, which you couldn’t even comprehend. How could he be hurt right now after he’d pushed you out this whole time? You’d been in the same city as him for months, yet he never reached out to you, or apologized. He couldn’t just suddenly want something else when it was convenient for him. 

“But…what about the classes? What about Kim Jieong? He wouldn’t want you to leave.” He knew nothing about your time in the classes, he had no right to question you now. You squeezed your eyes shut, and all the emotions you suppressed came up. Just then, the taxi honked again, and the phone in your pocket started buzzing too. You looked at the caller ID. Felix was calling and you picked up, eyes on Hyunjin’s briefly, “Yes, Lix?”

“Have you left for the train station yet, love?” He was concerned, so full of care for you. Your heart softened, and your voice dropped as you held the phone tightly to your ear, “No, I’m on my way. I’ll keep you updated, okay?”

“It’s getting late. I’m worried about you.” He spoke. Hyunjin was staring at you as you took the phone call. Your gaze briefly flickered over him. Even now, after running down the stairs and walking through a freaking snowstorm, he looked like some kind of angel. There was snow all over his coat and his hair. His nose and cheeks were dark pink, and his lips were still bitten raw. “Don’t be worried. I’ll be home soon,” You mumbled, calming Felix’s tendency to worry about you. Felix had an unspoken excitement in his tone, “Okay. Love you. See you soon.”

You swallowed, highly aware of the man in front of you, “Love you too.” It’s as if those words changed the atmosphere. Hyunjin’s tense shoulders dropped as if resigning to a chosen fate. When you hung up, pushing the phone into your pocket, Hyunjin spoke, “So you’re just leaving? That’s it?”

“Yeah. What would you want me to do? Say goodbye? Maybe I would have, if I still had any way of contacting you,” You said. A taunt and petty jab, sure, but it was also the truth. Hyunjin wasn’t there when you needed him, so why was he here now?

He closed his eyes in regret. He couldn’t argue that. He knew it was the truth. After all, you two were practically strangers right now. You didn’t know what was going on in his life. You didn’t have any of his information. Yet he was here, in your apartment building. Curiosity tickled you, and you tilt your head, “Why did you even come here tonight, Hyunjin? Did something happen?”

His eyes pierced through yours, “I… wanted to talk to you. I would have come before, but… I’ve been traveling all month, I couldn’t help it”

“Right. Japan. Must have been nice.” 

You were aware you sounded like a bitch, but that was the only way you could distance yourself, so leaving him behind would hurt less. Except that would only work if he let you leave. He grabbed your arm again, pulling you close, “Y/N… what’s going on? Please…tell me what’s wrong.”

His eyes seemed so sincere. He seemed so sincere. And concerned for you. Your heart squeezed in worry. He must be so confused. If you really wanted to hurt him, you would leave right now with no explanation. It would show him how you felt, how it felt to be on the other side of things, to be cut off like this. But you weren’t him, so you’d at least try to offer an explanation.

“Hyunjin…” Before you could continue, the cab outside honked twice impatiently, and you realized all your suitcases were in the trunk. If the driver got pissed and drove off, your stuff would be gone too. Not that there was anything you still cared for in it. But you panicked, “Fuck…I would like to explain, but I don’t have the time. He’ll leave, and all my stuff’s with him. I’m sorry, you’re too late, Hyunjin.”

His face dropped into despair and that was all you had time to register before you turned away, walking out the door. The taxi was parked right outside with the engine running to preserve warmth. The apology was already on your lips, “I’m sorry sir. I got held up.”

The driver looked pissed as hell, and he glanced at you from his window, “You’re heading to the station? Because it seems like you’re wasting my time.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry to keep you waiting.” 

He rolled his eyes, slurring words, “Either get in, or take your shit and get out”

“Don’t talk to her like that.” 

Oh god. 

Hyunjin had followed you out, obviously having overheard this. You turned to him, “I got this, okay? You don’t need to—”

“Dude, I have other customers too!” The guy yelled at him, clearly pissed by how Hyunjin talked back, “I don’t have time for this bullshit.”

Hyunjin was staring at him, eyes narrowed in annoyance. You didn’t know how he’d react. You’d never seen this side of him, and you reached out to him, “Hyunjin, whatever you’re thinking of doing, please don’t”

He bypassed you, stepping up to the guy, leaning in to rest on the driver’s side window, “How much?”

“What?” The guy spat back.

“How much does she owe you?” Hyunjin repeated in a calm tone. The taxi driver was eyeing him back, “For this nonsense, three hundred thousand won”

You almost laughed, “What?”

“Okay,” Hyunjin replied, and before you could even comprehend what was happening, he reached into his back pocket and took out his wallet. He took out his credit card, and handed it to him calmly, “Please open the trunk”

The guy also didn’t seem to believe it, and he was wide-eyed, grabbing Hyunjin’s credit card to swipe it. And then with ease, Hyunjin grabbed your suitcases, pulling them out and settling them down on the curb.

“I’m sorry for the inconvenience, sir. I hope you have a good night,” Hyunjin said to him, still in a calm voice that contrasted with the drivers’. The guy looked up at him, “Yeah. Whatever, dude.”

And then he drove off in a plume of smoke and snow.

“What the fuck, Hyunjin?” 

You’d been too shocked to process the state of things. Hyunjin looked back at you, the ever-present image of calm, “Can we go inside?”

You stepped up to him, in disbelief, “No, no, we fucking can’t. That was my ride. Why did you just pay him off? And three hundred thousand won? Are you insane? He completely ripped you off! And why the hell are you making decisions for me?”

“If you really want to go, I’ll drive you to the train station, but I’m not letting you get into a car like that, he seemed wasted.”

You scoffed, crossing your arms, “You’ll drive me to the train station?”

“Yeah, I will, if it means you’ll be safe.”

“From how you’re acting right now, you seem pretty wasted too.”

“Look.” He suddenly said, “Kairi told me you haven’t responded to her texts in a week. She got worried—”

“And she sent you here to check up on me? Kairi should know better.”

Hyunjin ignored your jab and continued talking, “And clearly she was right to be worried, because you’re moving out in the middle of the night in a freaking snowstorm!”

“I don’t owe you an explanation. Not really.” You stared at him, hugging yourself tighter. The snow was coming down heavy, wind building up so you could barely even hear each other. He seemed unaffected by every attack of yours, “I know you don’t…but… she’s worried about you. The least you could do is tell her what’s going on.”

You glared at him, “So you’re only here for her, right? If I call her right now, you’ll leave?”

He squeezed his eyes shut, sighing, “No…I’m worried about you too. I…don’t understand.”

Of course, he was worried now, the only time it seemed to matter the least. You were freezing, and the time for leaving seemed to have come and gone. You could book another taxi, but the snow was only growing, and there was still time for your train, so it wouldn’t make any sense to stand outside in this terrible weather. So you said, “Yeah. Sucks not to know things, doesn’t it?”

Hyunjin ignored the taunt yet again, and picked your suitcase up, “Can we please just wait inside?”

So, you didn’t argue for once and let him follow you back inside. It was just a matter of time, but this meant you’d need to have an actual conversation with Hyunjin, and you were dreading that. 

“You live on the top floor?” He asked, looking up the atrium. You took your bag from his hands, “Yup. I’ll take that.”

“What, no” He didn’t let you, pulling it back, “You’re not carrying that up.”

It wasn't even heavy but you gave in, too tired to protest, letting him follow you up the stairs to your apartment. You were so annoyed that you only just realized that this meant he’d see where you live. You suddenly felt embarrassed. The stairwell was rickety and shabby. Your apartment was so small, it felt like a joke. And he’d see it. Maybe this was a bad decision, but it didn’t matter anymore what he thought. He probably already thought terrible things about you. He certainly wouldn’t have ignored you for months if he didn’t.

You pushed open your door, and he stepped in tentatively. There wasn’t really much for him to see, yet his eyes traveled across the entire space and all your furniture as he took it in. He’d never even seen your room in Daejon. So he must think you live like this all the time. Poorly and with no taste. It was laughable how different you two were.

“No art?” He questioned, staring at the empty, barren walls. A pang hit you as you realized, “I got rid of it.”

He glanced at you, eyes wide, “Oh.”

You sat on the armrest of your couch, facing him, and he still stood at the threshold, processing your apartment. He seemed weirdly fascinated with it and asked, “Can I come in?”

“You’re already like, halfway in, so yeah” You mumbled. He stepped inside, for real, shutting the door behind him. This all felt so insane. Hyunjin was in your fucking apartment. Why? You thought you’d got rid of all the anger in you, but you certainly hadn’t. Your conversation with Minnie and Jamie came back to you too. He used you, because you’re so fucking nice. They like the thrill of the chase, and when they actually get the girl, they’re bored of her. Is that why he was interested in you again? That’s probably why he was chasing you again.

“So…um, I know you don’t owe me an explanation, but what about your friends? Kairi…and the people from your classes. Do they know why you’re leaving in the middle of the night?”

You stared at him, observing his expressions. If you told him about Kim Jieong, you’d have no idea how he’d react. You mumbled, “No. They don’t. It doesn’t concern anybody but me.”

He nodded slowly, hurt flashing through him, “Okay. Can…we talk about something else then?”

You crossed your arms, unsure what he even meant, “Yeah. We can talk about how my train leaves in three hours, so I have to be at the station before then.”

He swallowed, “You’re…not going to show me around your place? This is the first time—”

“From where you’re standing, you already saw all of it,” You replied, feeling embarrassed despite not wanting to care. He nodded, “Oh. So…you sleep on the couch?”

You let out a dry laugh at that. Obviously, he was right to assume that based on what you said, but it was still funny because it could have actually been true. You’d been so stupidly fucking desperate for the city you’d have literally slept on a park bench if you had to. Hyunjin frowned at your laughter, “I…I was just asking. Sorry”

“No, I sleep in my bed, which is in my bedroom and I don’t really see why you’d care about that, so…can you cut to the chase and tell me why you came to my apartment in the middle of the night, in a snowstorm?”

He swallowed, resting his head against your front door, “It wasn’t snowing when I left…”

“Oh, right. That’s inconvenient for you. You wouldn’t have come if it was.”

“No, I still would’ve come.” His eyes narrowed, “Please…just…can you talk to me normally?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I��understand that you’re pissed at me, but I just want to have a conversation. I came here because I was worried about you. I would have come sooner if I could, but with my work it’s impossible. So please…can we just talk?”

No, you couldn’t because if you 'just talked’ to him, you’d remember how crazy in love with him you still were, after all his repeated rejections and ghosting, and not wanting you. You changed the topic, “You know that cab driver ripped you off, right? That ride isn’t worth that money.”

Hyunjin swallowed, “I know. But…he was drunk, and it’s not safe for him to drive anyone. With that amount, he wouldn’t have to take any more customers for the night. It’d be enough for the week.”

So he was still kind to everyone except you. Even to your wasted taxi driver. Good to know.

“There. I answered your question. Are you going to be answering mine?” He spoke, for once matching your fervor and energy. You stared at him, “Which question? You asked me, like ten.”

He sighed, stepping away from the door, and closer to you. He was so tall, he really did make your apartment seem small. He was almost as tall as your couch. You gripped the sides of the armrest, looking up at him. His face traversed many expressions like he was struggling with the right thing to say, and then he spoke, “Are you okay?”

You chose to be honest, chewing on your lower lip as you admitted, “I will be when I get home.”

His face fell, like he’d been expecting something else, and his whole body seemed tense. You suppose it was a valid reaction because this had been your dream, so he couldn’t possibly understand why you were running away. “But…”

“But what?” You asked, looking up at him, not wanting to leave any breathing room for emotions because now was not the time. If you went down that spiral, you’d never come back out, “It’s your turn to answer now. I still can’t understand why you’re here, after our conversation in the car.”

He contemplated for a second, looking away, and then back at you, saying, “I came here to make sure you were okay… that’s why I got on the first flight back home.”

You stood up, staring at him, “Flight back from where?”

“Bangkok.” He stated, a tinge of embarrassment in his features, “We had a schedule there…a show, but Kairi told me that you hadn’t responded to her texts, she was really worried…I had to come back.”

You stilled, and he surprised you for the first time that night. “What about the others?”

“The rest of the band is still there.” He spoke, “I just… couldn’t wait”

“You…took a flight for this?” You were having trouble processing this. He nodded, resignation and disappointment in his voice, “But clearly I should’ve come sooner.”

For a second, you allowed yourself the luxury to wonder if things would be different, had he come sooner. If things had been different, had he never left you at all. You couldn’t even imagine the other side of things — a reality where he stayed with you all this, and maybe all those bad things wouldn’t have happened to you. You couldn’t blame Hyunjin for everything that went wrong in your life after he left, but it sure seemed convenient to blame him. A myriad of thoughts overwhelmed you. He was confusing you too much. You needed to get out of this city, far away from here, and it felt like you were suddenly leaving with no good memories. Hyunijn was looking at you so deeply, so you swallowed your pride, “Can you do me a favour, Hyunjin?”

“Anything. What is it?”

“Can we just…stop by the Atelier before you take me to the station?” You asked, hoping he would oblige you in this last request since he seemed far too eager anyway, “Please.”

“Oh. Okay.” Defeat sank into his shoulders as he realised you had indeed made up your mind. Maybe he expected to hear something else from you. He didn’t protest though, because he had already agreed. In deafening silence, he led you to his car, which was parked around the block. When he opened the trunk, you saw his own suitcase. A simple black suitcase. He really had just come from the airport. It shocked your heart in a way you’d craved for all this time. When Yeonjun had come home to make up with Hana, you’d wished that someone would love you that much, to fly across the country for you. And Hyunjin did even more than that. He flew from another country… Yet you didn’t know what to make of it. He only came because Kairi was worried for you.

He carefully placed your bags next to his, as if anything was fragile in them but your clothes. He was uncannily quiet as he drove you, and you had nothing left to say. You watched the passing skyscrapers, and craved for the quiet of the mountainside back home. The Atelier wasn’t too far from your place, and he already seemed to know the way.

“So why are we here, Y/N?” He asked, as you both stared up at the towering glass building that was home to your classes. Seeing it now in the dark, it was one of the prettiest buildings you’d seen, built like art, for artists. You remember seeing it on the front page of the brochure you’d found years ago, and it had decided the trajectory of your life. It was still snowing, flakes falling on the two of you, and it was so cold in the parking lot. You owed him an explanation so you spoke, “This last week, I was working on a painting. It was becoming something really special, but… I forgot it in the classroom. I’d like to take it with me when I go.”

“Oh.” He simply nodded like it made all the sense in the world, not questioning this stupid request, and followed you to the front door. Obviously, nobody was here. It was after hours, and no security guards were in sight. You stared at the revolving doors, trying to figure out a plan. “Is it locked?” Hyunjin asked you, sounding impatient in this weather, “You don’t have the access card?”

If you entered the building with your keycard, it’d send a notification straight to Kim Jieong. That’s how he’d known you were here the last time. The memory sent you a shudder, and the last thing you wanted was to bump into him. You bit your lip, “Wait. I’m thinking.”

The cold was making you do stupid things, like shifting closer to him, so your shoulder would brush his. Simple body heat. Even through your thick coat, and his, the touch sent a flutter to your stomach. Hyunjin glanced at you as you did that, and his lips were becoming icy cold, “Well… it’d be nice if you could think faster. I wouldn’t want to die of hypothermia before you figure it out.”

You looked at him, surprised by the sudden sass in his tone, “Are you done?”

“Give me your keycard, let’s just go in.” He let out a breath, fog leaving his mouth. You frowned, not wanting to explain the whole story, “I don’t have one. It’s deactivated.”

“Okay…” He sighed, looking around the facade, “Is there another entrance we can use?”

You thought over his words. You had an idea. It was a stupid idea. You shrugged, hands deep in your coat pockets, “The back door.”

“Well, why don’t we just use that?” He asked. You shot him a tight smile, “It’s technically off-limits.” It was the emergency stairwell. You’d heard enough lectures about it, but you didn’t care right now. That was the only way to get into the building. You’d just have to suck it up. “I’m going to have to…technically break in.” You stepped ahead. His eyes widened, and he reached out to stop you, “What?”

“Only technically. You should probably go back to the car, because if someone comes here, I wouldn’t want you to get into trouble. It could hurt your…reputation.”

“No, it could put us in jail.” He stated matter-of-factly, and the cold must make him more sassy or annoyed or something. You didn’t have time for this. You sighed, crossing your arms, “That’s exactly why you should wait in the car. I promise I’ll be quick. I’ll grab my stuff and come.”

He let out a forced laugh, and there was a shiver in his voice, “What are you talking about?”

“I’ll be quick,” You reassured him. He stared at you, deadpan, “You’re not going in there by yourself.”

You frowned at his displaced concern, “It’s just an art school, Hyunjin, nothing’s going to harm me in there”

He glanced up at the towering building that did look kind of ominous right now, “You don’t know that. I’m not taking any chances.”

You felt frustrated because he was only protesting and not offering any solutions, “Well, you’re not stopping me, Hyunjin.”

“No, I’m coming with you.” 

“What?” You scoffed, “I’m breaking in. If somebody finds out, you’re going to get into trouble—” 

“I don’t care.” He interrupted you harshly and then took a breath, repeating, “I don’t care if I get into trouble. I’m not letting you go in there by yourself.” 

Your eyes widened, watching him. Did he really not think of the consequences? He spent all his life protecting his public image, and now he was willing to risk it for you? His words sent an unpleasant feeling down your spine. He cared. He cared about you to the point that he was okay with being caught. That was a new kind of feeling you couldn’t process. All this while, you’d prioritised Hyunjin’s needs and the consequences in his life because he was so much more important than you. This was new.

“Are you sure?” You asked. He glanced at the building and then around the abandoned parking lot as if he was seriously reconsidering this absurd request. You saw the hesitation in his posture, his lips parting as if to say no he was only joking, and he would never do something as stupid as this. Then his eyes landed on yours. They flickered over your face, the cold in his gaze melting into strange tenderness, “Of course I’m sure. I can’t let you go alone.”

“Fine.” You nodded, breath coming out in a cold puff, “We should be quick.” He followed you to the back of the building, the big glowing EXIT sign, and the notice that read, ‘This is not an entrance. Please use front door access’

You sucked in a breath for good measure, pushing the door open, and when no immediate alarms rang, you stepped in. Hyunjin followed you into the darkness, and you switched on your phone's flashlight to guide you. You were still shivering. There was no heating in here, and he asked, “Now what, Y/N?”

“My class is on the top floor,” You whispered, just in case someone was in the stairwell.

“I’m guessing we can’t use the elevator?” He deadpanned. You gripped the handrail, “Yeah. Using the elevator’s too risky. If someone’s still in the building, they’d realise.”

“This painting must be really important to you.” He spoke, following you up the stairs into complete darkness. The Atelier was fancy, but this stairwell…was not. It was industrially exposed, the sound of a loud generator buzzing and a flickering light above you. There was a constant banging sound that you guessed was from the pipes in the wall. You tried not to overthink this situation, where Hyunjin was breaking and entering with you in your dream academy. Each little sound was putting you on edge. You heard him mutter, “This is really creepy.”

Over your shoulder, you peeked at him. He had his flashlight turned on too, and it shone into his face, dark shadows over his jaw and lips. “Are you afraid?” You asked. He shook his head, “Let’s just get this over with, Y/N.”

You climbed the rest of the floors in silence, preserving your voice and breath. It was still freezing in here, and you did feel bad that you’d dragged him along for this. But out of everything, this was the least he could do. Even though you wouldn’t admit it, you probably wouldn’t have had the courage to come here alone, not after what happened the other night with Jieong. You were glad he insisted to come with you, even if you never would have expected him to in a million years. Finally, you reached the landing for the highest floor and stopped to catch your breath. There was a door marked ‘Rooftop Access’, that led to the greenhouse-studio. 

“Do we exit here?” He asked, reaching out to the knob. As he pulled the door open, light flooded the stairwell from outside. The lights in the studio were usually always turned off, but if they were on.… The cogwheels in your brain clicked just in time.

“Stop!” You whisper-yelled, grabbing him by the coat and pulling him back towards you. He stumbled, losing his balance in the dark and you steadied him. He braced himself against the wall, unintentionally pressing you to it.

“What are you doing?” He whispered, eyes wide.

“The lights were still turned on. That means someone’s in there.” You breathed, heart racing fast. You could have easily been caught. You weren’t really worried for yourself because you had nothing to lose, but Hyunjin…you really didn’t want to get him into trouble, even if he was completely okay with the consequences. He squeezed his eyes shut, “Oh. Okay”

He stepped away from you, and you could hear his heartbeat. “You scared me” He mumbled, after a while. He reached up to fix his messy hair, moving it out of his eyes. “I didn’t know you were scared of the dark, Hyunjin.” You mumbled. He narrowed his eyes at you, “I’m not. I’m…scared of people yanking my arm suddenly in confined spaces.”

“I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?” You touched his arm, brushing over the coat, wondering if you’d grabbed him too hard. Had you bruised him? He didn’t stop you, as if he enjoyed being fawned over and then spoke, “So what is our plan? Are we going to stand in the stairwell forever? I thought you were in a hurry to get to the station.”

“We’re waiting for them to leave, whoever it is” You mumbled, crossing your arms as you leaned against the wall to rest, “I don’t want to run into anybody.”

“What if they decide to stay here the entire night?”

“They won’t. It must be a janitor. They’ll leave soon. Nobody even comes in after hours. The other night when I was—” You cut yourself short, not wanting to tell Hyunjin about the events of that night. He picked up on it though, tilting his head, “When you were what?”

You cleared your throat, “Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

His lips pursed, but he didn’t question further. Suddenly, you heard footsteps. Hyunjin’s head whipped to the door, then to you, “Are they coming in here?”

Clearly he was still scared of being caught, despite all the talk of not giving a shit about the consequences. In panic, you pressed your finger to his lips, “Can you please be quiet?”

He instantly shut up, not that he had a choice with you shushing him like this anyway. His lips were soft to your fingertips, and you stared at each other in the low light of your flashlight. The footsteps sounded again, and you heard the elevator ding. Whoever was in the studio had just left. You were in the clear. 

You retracted your hand, his saliva sticking to your fingers, and if it had been anybody else, you would have wiped it off immediately because that was gross. But with him…you didn’t care. You’d lick your own fingers to taste him, if he wasn’t standing right here. The thought crossing your mind was insane and you felt annoyed at yourself for trudging into that territory again. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with you the last time you met, and the time before that, and before that. Why were you so fucking weak around him? All your frustrations with him couldn’t seem to damper the attraction you felt. “They’re gone now” You mumbled, hoping to sound as emotionless and detached as you aspired to be, wiping your hand on your coat, and Hyunjin noticed that, his cheeks tinging pink.

“Let’s go” He slowly followed behind you into the elevator lobby, where the massive glass doors led to your studio. He looked confused, “I thought we were going to a classroom”

“Yeah. We are.” You replied curtly, pushing open the doors and walking onto the metal walkway. Plants drowned you on both sides, and your company's only telltale sound was his winter boots loud on the metal grate. Hyunjin was looking around in awe, he didn’t say anything, but his eyes would always give him away. He was awestruck. A small part of you was satisfied. You’d been dreaming of this reaction ever since you’d joined these classes. At least you got to see it before you left. He reached out, touching the petals of a dozen different flowers as you passed them, until you entered the studio space. You used to feel so much joy stepping in here. But it had always been coupled with sadness too —you’d been moving on from Hyunjin in this very space, and here he was, none the wiser. 

“Shit. This is your classroom?” He stepped into the centre, doing a full circle, head tilted up to the glass ceilings. The view was so pretty at night, revealing the beauty of the lit-up skyscrapers. The famous city lights that Hyunjin loved. 

“Yeah.” You nodded, walking over to the storage cupboards. You tried not to think of Kim Jieong and what had happened the last time you were here. You had a mission, a singular focus, and you ripped open the cabinets, rifting through them to look for your painting. It was a massive canvas, but maybe somebody had rolled it up and put them here. There was no way they’d throw it away, right? You’d been working on it so deliberately. They’d have to know it wasn’t trash. Kim Jieong wouldn’t do that to you either. But after looking through every cupboard, your heart sank. There was nowhere else it could be. Maybe he did throw out your artwork, because none of the paintings you’d made in the last few months were here. Shockingly, it seemed you knew nothing of him. 

In defeat, you leaned against the desk, staring into the empty cupboard. You…had just wanted your unfinished canvas, as a stupid souvenir or something to take home with you so your time here didn’t feel wasted. You’d poured so much energy, hours of research and experience behind it. It was the first art piece in the city you’d genuinely been excited about, and now it was just…gone. Like it never existed in the first place, and you’d only been gone a week but it felt like you were already being erased.

A short laugh interrupted you. You turned to see Hyunijn bent over a telescope that looked out into the city, “This…is a dream. Holy shit.”

“I’m glad you like it” You mumbled, fiddling with your coat as you stayed in place. At least someone was having a good time. He glanced at you, cheeks red, and stood up straight, “This…is the coolest art studio I’ve ever been in.”

“Yeah. It is pretty cool”

“The range of this thing…is insane. I actually think I can see a planet from here” He spoke, focusing on the telescope again. It was cute, his tall frame bent over the telescope that was meant for much shorter people. He was so easily excited about things, like he had forgotten you’d broken into this building, and that you’d been arguing with each other less than an hour ago. It reminded you of how fixated he would get on the things he loved. 

“A planet? Wow…” You mumbled.

“Do you ever use it in class?” He asked, excitement in his tone.

“No…I never got the chance to.” Your voice dropped, trailing off at the what-ifs and your missed opportunities. You were running away from the place you’d dreamed of for so long. All because of a stupid man. It wasn’t fair to you. Nothing about this was fair. Why had you worked so hard for it to be thrown away? He blinked at you, as if he noticed the sadness in your voice, “Do you want to?”

“I don’t really know how it works.” You swallowed, staring at the empty cabinets, and your heart felt so heavy, like a huge weight was pressing down on it, and you couldn’t breathe right. All of the anxiety bubbled up in your throat, filling your lungs with it too. Your lip quivered, a tremble traveling through your spine, and the heaviness in your chest was only getting worse as reality set in. You were never going to be in here again. So much for chasing that dream.

“Come here.” Hyunjin’s soft voice broke your avalanche of despair. You sucked in a breath, hoping any tears would disappear and glanced at him. He stood against the large floor-to-ceiling window, hands around the telescope, the city as his majestic backdrop. You didn’t want to protest. This was your last night in the city, you might as well indulge in it. You walked over to him, and each step felt like so much effort, your boots loud in the quiet room.

“Stand over here” He said, his voice low but filled with excitement. “Did you forget we’re in the middle of committing a crime right now?” You couldn’t help but say, wondering if it’d snap him back to reality, if he would stop being such a romantic. His lip curled up into a smile, and Hyunjin was so pretty in the moonlight, voice dropping into a secret, “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

God. His words sent chills down your body, momentarily displacing that heaviness. A secret night with him. The temptation was screaming. You stepped up to the telescope, bending down to the eyepiece. Hyunjin grabbed your hands without hesitation, placing them in the proper position on the metal tube. His voice was tender as he explained, “Now, put your hands here, and try to look through the eyepiece in that direction.”

Had you completely derailed from the plot? Your train home was in a few hours. Each second being here was literally a crime. Still, you indulged him, squinting to see where he’d pointed it. You could only see black and perhaps you weren’t special enough to see magnificent things such as celestial planets. You felt frustrated, trying really hard to see, but it was a big blob of nothing.

“Do you see it?” He asked, voice a whisper. You saw nothing of significance. 

“No…never mind.” You breathed, standing up straight with disappointment. “Wait…” He spoke, quick to want to fix it, “Can I…?”

You shrugged, not understanding what he was asking. He grabbed you by the waist, adjusting you slightly. His hand curled around your thick coat, and you wished he was touching your skin. He was so close to your body. Your breath was stuck in your throat, and then he said, “Can you try now? Bend down again.”

You followed his instructions like they were the words of god. You tried not to fog up with the eyepiece with your breath and to focus on the view, but Hyunjin was touching you and standing behind your body, so how could you possibly focus? You mumbled, “I just see…a big white spot.”

“That’s it” He whispered, leaning down, his mouth brushing against your ear, “That’s Jupiter, Y/N.”

Your eyes widened in surprise, and you gripped the tube tighter for a better hold, “But it’s just a speck of light…”

He chuckled, breath warm on your ice-cold skin, “I know, we’re so far away from it, but it’s bigger than we can ever imagine. You see those two circles in the centre? Those are the cloud belts.”

“I see them.” You spoke, suddenly feeling so small. It was so huge, a real-life planet, and from here it was just a speck in the sky. Your place in the world felt even more trivial. It was so majestic. You tried to imagine all the pictures of Jupiter you’d seen, placing them into this context. Hyunjin’s hand was still on your waist, not that you could feel it much through the clothes, only a ghost of a touch. You straightened up, and he left his grip on you as you asked, “How do you know so much about this?”

He shrugged, like it was no big deal, “I’ve been doing some reading. We’re lucky the snow stopped. Usually, nothing is visible. The lights and cloud cover are too much.”

You stepped away from the telescope, wondering where he found the time to read up about this between his very busy life, “I see.”

He had a hint of a smile, “What did you think? It’s surreal, right?” 

It was. It was so beautiful.... 

You suddenly felt sick to your stomach, “My painting isn’t here. We should go.”

The smile on his face dropped, and he nodded, voice returning to a normal octave, “Right. Where do you think it could be?”

“I don’t know” You sighed, and the weight on your chest was back, and you couldn’t look at him right now, “I checked everywhere. They probably threw it out. I should just go to the station, it’s getting late.”

“Oh. Right.” His voice sounded hollow. You didn’t want to leave him. But he wasn’t even here, was he? He was just…doing you a favour, and then he’d go back to not wanting you in his life. 

“I can…help you look for the painting” He suggested, “Couldn’t it be in other places? We can check the rest of the building.”

“No, it’s gone. We came here for nothing. Please, let’s just leave.”

His shoulders dropped in disappointment, “This studio is beautiful. I’d…actually do anything to have a space like this to paint in, feels like I’d never run out of inspiration.” 

You stared at him, wondering what point he was trying to make now. Then he said, “Why do you want to leave this, Y/N?” 

You didn’t answer him, a horrible twisting in your gut, and glanced at the exact spot you’d been standing when Kim Jieong cornered you against the table, making all kinds of suggestions to you. You felt sick to your core again.

“It’s not because of me, right?”

You looked at him, feeling overwhelmed, and suddenly, the weight wasn’t pushing down but pulling you instead. You felt like you were drowning, lungs crushing with the force of being dragged down and you had tunnel vision, overwhelmed with everything, “What?”

“You’re leaving. Is it…because of me?” His voice was low, and his words were not helping. You couldn’t tell if Hyunjin was drowning you, or savi you right now.

A lump formed in your throat, forbidding you from speaking as you processed those words. Were you leaving the city behind because of him? Maybe. He was a big part of it, but you’d never run away from Hyunjin. You’d chase him forever if you could. How could he even think that it was cause of him? You bit your lip, “If it was because of you, I’d be gone a long time ago, Hyunjin.”

You turned to leave, and Hyunjin’s next words echoed through the large room, “Please don’t go.”

Your eyes widened at his…blatant, crude request. He’d done nothing but push you away. How could he ask you to stay?

“I know… I’m the last person who has the right to ask you to stay, but… there’s so much for you here. I know you would love it.”

You turned to face him, “Like…what?”

It’s like he didn’t expect you to actually humor him, and he blurted, tripping over his words, “You can’t leave without having seen Christmas. Everything’s…a blanket of snow, and it’s lit up, and the city lights…are so beautiful, Y/N. You can’t miss that. You can’t not see them.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, and you wanted to cry at this. What kind of reasoning was this? Hyunjin was asking you to stay, and you must be dreaming, right? 

“Christmas is really far away, Hyunjin…”

He took another step closer, more confident like he'd found his reasoning now, “I know, but it’ll be so worth it. It’s my favorite time of the year. You’ll fall in love with it too. It seems like you hate this place, and it feels like my fault, but there is so much for you here. I’ve only been back a few months and I’ve already seen a hundred things you would love. You would appreciate them more than anybody, and I’ve thought of you every time. You belong here, not…in that town back home.”

It was so tempting, especially when he said it like that. “I can’t stay, Hyunjin”

He stepped even closer, “Why?” He asked, a desperation slipping through. He cared so much. You wish he had shown it before. It didn’t matter now. Things had immeasurably changed, in this very room. You had been trying so hard to not feel the weight of everything, but it was impossible. Not when he was looking at you like that.

The dam broke.

A single tear at first.

Then a sob. “Hyun…”

Immediately, without any question or hesitation, he closed the distance between you and pulled you into his arms. 

His touch brought on a wave of tears. You wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your face in his chest, pitiful sobs bubbling to the top. For the longest time, he just held you in his embrace and you cried. All you could register was his hold on you, and his heart racing against your ear. He squeezed you tightly, hugging you to him to pull you even closer to his body, “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“He…he tried to—” You sniffled, unable to form the words.

“What?” He tensed in your grip. He clearly hadn’t expected to hear anything of that sort, but his hand still ran circles over your back, “Who did what?”

“Kim…Jieong.” You mumbled, eyes squeezed shut in his chest, not wanting to burden him with this knowledge but your throat felt clogged with emotion that you couldn’t contain within yourself anymore, “He…said I could convince him”

You were aware that you made no sense, but it was enough for him to understand. Hyunjin pulled back, hands holding your shoulders as he looked at you, and his eyes were wide, “What? Did he touch you?”

“No…” You sniffled, lip trembling, “He…just…”

Hyunjin’s hand came up to your face, holding your chin unbeknownst that your professor had tried the same. You were only filled with terror when Kim Jieong did that, but right now…you felt the safest in the world. Your face was hot, his hand was warm on you. His thumb wiped your tears, the other hand holding your face tight, “What did he do?”

You shook your head, vision blurry from the tears in your lash line, and you had no idea how to explain this, “Hyunjin. I… don’t even know how to deal with this.”

“You don’t have to. That’s what I’m here for.” He said. You looked up at him, eyes blown wide, “What do you mean?”

He took in a breath, still holding you strongly, as his thumbs gently wiped the tears streaking down your face, and his soft gesture was a stark contrast to his next words, “Tell me what he did. I’m going to talk to that piece of shit.”

“No, you can’t. I…I don’t have any proof, Hyunjin and I don’t even know if he was trying something—” You trailed off, struggling with your words but he wasn’t even listening. He was staring into the distance, “I have to go talk to him.”

“What?”

He started walking out. What the fuck was he doing? You ran after him, tugging at his arm, “What are you talking about? It’s the middle of the night.”

He turned to you, his eyes were dark, and his jaw was clenched. and there was more emotion in his face than you’d seen in the past hour as he said, “He…he fucking touched you. He can’t… do that.”

“Oh my god, you can’t go after him” 

“Why?” He asked, eyes searching yours. You weren’t equipped to deal with whatever anger he held in him. It seemed like Hyunjin had quickly forgotten who he was in this world. A world-famous celebrity who definitely couldn’t go after a renowned artist, especially not at this time of night. As much as you appreciated the gesture, it wasn’t thought out at all, and it pissed you off, “You don’t even know what happened, Hyunjin!”

“It doesn’t matter. I know enough.”

“Can you please just…calm down?” Your eyes widened, regret soaring through you, “I…I knew I shouldn’t have told you. It was a mistake.”

He frowned, stepping closer to you, “Fuck. Don’t… don’t say that. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to react. I just wanted you to listen.” You said. He let in a deep breath, like he was physically calming himself down, running his hands over his face, “Okay. I am listening. I just…need a second.”

You could see the anger surging through him, and you mumbled, “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, I’m…not thinking straight. I’m sorry, I just…”

“I should never have brought you here. I could have been on the train home already. You were right, okay? I am running away.” You admitted, lip trembling, “I’m sorry.”

His voice softened at your state, “What are you apologizing for? Stop. You didn’t do anything wrong”

“Yeah.” You mumbled, staring at the floor, and you realised you’d have to tell him the whole truth now, because you’d stupidly brought it up. You wiped at your face with your sleeve, but he reached into his coat pocket, handing you a tissue, “Let me…”

“You…carry tissues with you?” You vaguely registered through your clouded judgement, wiping your face. He was quiet for a minute, and you tried to collect yourself. You were embarrassed, and your face was burning hot from crying, and from the shame, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry…I ruined your coat.”

“Come here…” He led you to the nearest table, pulling you to sit next to him. He hesitated before reaching out, hand on your back as he spoke, “I’m sorry for reacting. I…I didn’t expect to hear that, but you can’t understand how this makes me feel. I know you don’t want to talk about it but I’m going to drive myself crazy if you don’t tell me what happened.”

He was right, and you probably would have reacted worse if someone had hurt Hyunjin. You would have lost your mind. You had thrust this information upon him unwillingly, and he did deserve to know the truth of it. Now that you tried to recall it, most of it felt like blanks in your mind and you muttered, “There’s an art scholarship that we were told about. It was a big one. If we won, it would pay for the rest of our year, and we could present our work in this gallery. It was supposed to be a huge honor. I was working on a painting for it the other night. I was here by myself…and…Jieong saw me working. I don’t…know how it led to that. I don’t remember most of it, but he said he liked that I was… desperate.”

“What?” Hyunjin interrupted you. You swallowed, “He said that I was desperate to be liked and respected and that I could go a lot of places in the world, if I…convinced him somehow. That all I had to do was ask him…and my dreams could come true.”

He scoffed, “By sleeping with him?”

“I don’t know. I left after that.” You mumbled, staring at the floor, “I was really confused.”

“He hurt you?”

You shrugged, a fresh wave of tears springing up, “No…at least not physically”

His hand reached out to yours, “I’m…really sorry that happened, Y/N.”

You pulled your hand back before he could touch it. You weren’t here tonight to seek Hyunjin’s comfort. You were just offering him an explanation so he wouldn’t be left in the dark after you were gone. You said, “But nothing even happened, Hyunjin. Nothing I can prove anyway. Except that he’s cancelled my scholarship.”

“He can’t do that” He said. You mumbled, “I missed out on an entire week of classes. He…has valid reason now.”

“Did you tell anyone?” He asked, “Any of your friends from class?”

As if having this conversation once wasn't embarrassing enough. You didn't plan to tell anybody else about it. It would be a secret you'd take to the grave. If you told people, all they'd question was your obsession to come here in the first place. After all, why would a married man come on to you at all, risking his career? You must have come on to him -- at least that's what everyone would think. You shook your head, “Nope…Just…you.”

“I’m…sorry that this happened. I wish I could…do something to help.” He spoke. You looked at him, unable to comprehend that he was being kind to you again. He was so tender and caring right now, but how long could this really last? The last time he was this tender was in the storage closet, and he’d kissed you so passionately and then immediately cut you off. Wasn’t this compassion just temporary? You stepped away from him, running a hand over your face to wipe away the dried tears, “Yeah. No biggie.”

He noticed the change in your demeanor, dropping his hands to his lap, but said nothing of it. You stared at the place where Jieong had tried to make a move, and where your canvas had been. You wish you hadn't come here that night at all, then you could have been blissfully unaware of his behaviour and stayed happy. The longer you stayed here, the sicker you felt. 

“We should talk about this in my car.” Hyunjin said, offering his hand to you again. You stared at his soft palm and inviting touch, but you didn’t take it. If the rejection hurt him, he didn’t show it. You just hugged yourself, “Okay”

You followed him into the elevator lobby, about to head for the stairwell again, but he pressed the button for the elevator. You frowned, “We can’t go out the front door. If they see you—”

“I really don’t give a shit about that right now” He spoke, pushing a hand through his hair, and you noticed how tense he was, “If they catch me, I’d have a lot to talk to them about anyway.”

“But… this is not worth it.” You spoke, as the elevator doors opened. He took in a breath, facing away, running another hand through his hair, you realised he always did that when he was nervous, “I just… can’t believe they let an artist like that work with them.”

You steadied yourself against the elevator wall, as the floors went by. The doors opened into the lobby. You prayed that nobody was in there. No matter how much Hyunjin didn’t care, you didn’t want to cause a scene and you definitely couldn’t handle jeopardizing his job. If anybody saw you two… they could call the cops and he couldn’t afford to be put under scrutiny. It would risk his career and everything else that mattered. Uncaring of this, he stepped into the lobby, footsteps loud as he walked towards the front door. You followed, looking around and thankfully, the front desk was empty. The odds were in your favor, perhaps. He almost looked disappointed that there was nobody to confront as you exited the building. He was walking so fast, and you struggled to keep up as you made your way to the parking lot. Once you were sitting inside his car, you asked him, “You’re not going to do anything stupid, right?”

“I don’t know. He…needs to be fired. He can’t just get away with what he did to you. Once he gets fired, they’ll put in a new teacher, and…you can continue the classes. And for what they’ve put you through, they should grant you a new scholarship anyway, no questions asked. He should be the one to leave, not you.”

Before you could think about his words, your phone on the console buzzed, and you both glanced at it. He read it the same time as you. There was a text from Felix. have you made it to the train station yet, baby?

Hyunjin looked up at you, eyes that were suddenly devoid of anger, but…a new desperation, “Do you…still want me to take you?”

You swallowed, suddenly feeling the weight of everything on your shoulders again. Your suitcases were packed and waiting in the trunk. Your train was booked. You’d made your decision. You stared at the window, “Your…plan sounds fine Hyunjin, but… I’m not important enough for them to fire their biggest artist ever. Nothing good can come out of me staying here with that false hope.”

His eyes flickered over your features before turning away. He started the engine, and said nothing, pulling out of the driveway. You tried to gather your emotions, watching the snow piled up by the sides of the street. Your first and last snow here. You imagined being home already. It would help so much. Felix, Minho and all your friends. You'd go back to working at the art shop. Maybe you could pay a grand and enroll in the classes at the Chateau, and practice art under Seungmin. Nothing would come out of it but at least you’d be occupied. Some people weren’t built for greatness, and you could be okay with that, unlike the boy next to you. Hyunjin suddenly spoke, hands gripping the wheel tightly, “It’s not false hope. Something like this can have serious repercussions. You should’ve told me the second he did that. He would already be out of his job by now.”

He was redirecting the conversation to him, when it was about you. Your head hurt at this faux chivalry. Did he really even care about Jieong or did he just want someone to pin his anger on? You stared at him, “I don’t even have your fucking phone number, Hyunjin.”

He stopped the car, bringing it to the side of the road. You hadn’t reached your destination yet, and you were in the middle of a random neighbourhood. You stared at him, unsure of what was going through his mind, “What are you doing?”

He reached into his coat pocket, took out two identical phones and handed one to you, “I was going to give you this tonight.”

You grabbed it from him, “What is this?”

“It’s…a phone with my number on it” He said, looking right ahead, “I bought it for you.”

Your brows raised, “You…bought me a phone?”

“And this one…” He lifted his own identical phone, which also seemed brand-new, “This is mine. The only thing on it… is your number.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s so we can talk to each other” He turned to face you, “And nobody can trace it back to us, The phone isn’t connected to anything else, except…to each other.”

You blinked, trying to process this, “Oh”

He looked frustrated as he spoke, “I know what I said to you last time. I know that I said we can’t be in each other's life, but… I’m trying my real hardest to find a fucking way around it. What I did and said was uncalled for. I realize that…it hurt you, but you have to cut me some slack, Y/N. I’m…really trying to figure it out.”

“I’ve cut you more slack than I ever would with somebody who’s made it absolutely clear they don’t want me around them” You blinked. He sighed, “I’m sorry. I understand that what I said hurt you, and…I really didn’t mean to. You know me, Y/N, better than anyone in my life and…I would never want to hurt you like that.”

“Then why did you say all those things…?”

He let out a sigh, turning to look at you, “I was only thinking about myself. I guess… I was running away too.”

You stared at him, the irony of tonight striking you. You were blaming him for what he’d done, when you were now doing the exact same thing.

All the fight died down in you.

“We’re more alike than I thought.” He mumbled. Maybe now you could finally understand where he came from. The urge to shut down and cut everybody out had felt far too tempting. You glanced at him, holding the phone tight in your hands. This could be the last time you saw him. He’d never come to Daejon, and you couldn’t afford to come back here. Was this really it? The last time you ever saw Hyunjin. A new emotion overwhelmed you, and you weren’t ready to say goodbye so soon. “Can you please just tell me something before I go?”

His hands rest on the steering wheel, and it seemed like he’d already given up on convincing you to stay. His question came out defeated, “What do you want to know?”

You stared at his side profile, “How did you get the pictures? The ones from the booth.”

“I…went back.” He responded, not questioning the randomness of what you’d just said. You were confused, “What? Went back here?”

His hands tightened on the steering wheel, “Later that night, I went back to the summer carnival. After you’d already left. When we were in the booth, I deleted our pictures before they could be printed, but…they were still saved to the database. The machines have a backup server, they keep the data for a few hours before it’s overwritten.”

“How was that even allowed?”

“The guy that works there, I…asked him for a favor…and he obliged because well, it’s stupid…”

“Tell me.” You breathed, itching to know the story you’d been wondering for so long. His lip curled up into a reminiscent smile, “I promised to sign this album for his little sister. She really liked our band. Anyway, the guy, he let me access the backup, and…I printed them out.”

Your heart jumped at all of this effort, “Why did you do all of that after deleting them?”

He swallowed, “I changed my mind. I told you, Y/N…I wanted to remember that moment. I needed to.”

You looked away into your lap, “Oh…well…thank you for putting them in my sketchbook, but I’m sorry… I lost the pictures.”

“You what?” He looked at you. You breathed, feeling guilty, “They got ruined…so you did all of that for nothing.”

“Oh.”

There was no way for you to get them back. The summer carnival was long over, and the pictures were erased. It was strange how you two talked about them, clinging to a memory that was long gone, and he never questioned you and why you wanted them. He didn’t question why you were so fixated on them or what they could possibly mean to you. Hyunjin nodded, eyes glazing over you as if he lost deep in thought, “How did they get ruined?”

“They got wet in the rain.” You swallowed. He still seemed shocked at your previous statement, “So…you had them with you? I thought that you would throw them away, after we stopped talking…I thought you hated me.”

“You know me. I hold on to things stupidly, even if I was mad at you. Anyway, not that it matters now…” You shrugged. He nodded, like he was still in his head, and then he reached into his back pocket and took out his wallet. He opened it, pulling out a strip. Your eyes widened. 

He had them. In his wallet.

“You made a copy?” You couldn’t believe it. He let out a laugh, saying, “I went to a lot of effort for these, Y/N. Do you really think I wouldn’t have made a copy?”

“And… they’re in your wallet.” You realised. He swallowed, “Yeah”

“Have they been in your wallet this whole time?”

He blinked, “Yeah. In hindsight, it was a really stupid decision because if I ever lost it, anybody could have seen these. Guess I haven’t been thinking straight, but…you can have my copy”

You delicately grabbed it from him, and it was only worth a few coins but you handled it like it was worth millions. It was a treasured memory. A moment when you’d given in to each other completely, and you had been so happy then. You'd give anything to have those secret moments again, even if they stayed a secret forever. Nothing had felt as rewarding as his lips on yours, making you feel like he wanted you just as bad.

His copy was wrinkled, like he’d taken it in and out of his wallet a million times to look at it. Your copy used to be pristine, it stayed in your sketchbook but his…it was tattered with use. There were folds after every image, and you slowly moved your fingers over them. Your voice was soft, “Have you really changed your mind?”

“About what?” He asked, curiously. You looked at him, “You showed up at my doorstep. It must have been…for something.”

“I changed my mind about a lot of things…” He spoke, the dim streetlights reflecting in his eyes. Curiosity overwhelming you, your voice was a whisper, “You said you were running away too. What made you stop?”

In the darkness of the car, the shadows on his face were intense, and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he said, “That night in the car. You said that… all this time you haven't been okay, and that you still aren’t and I couldn’t stop thinking about that. You said you didn’t know the real me, and that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Who I was in Daejon, that’s…the best version of me, and it took me a really long fucking time to realize that. It was an asshole move that I did. I know I apologized to you, but I wanted to do it again tonight. I’m…really fucking sorry for pushing you away, Y/N. I should have just explained what was going on.” He paused, “But…I guess I’m too late since you’re leaving anyway, right?”

You looked away from him to the snow on his windshield, “Yeah, what will I do in Seoul anyway?”

“He should be the one that’s scared of you, not the other way around”

“Why would he be scared of me?”

“Because you can literally ruin him, and his career. Who knows if you’re the first person he did this to?”

“Well, clearly nobody spoke up against him yet. He’s a legend. Nothing I say will change that, and I…really don’t want to deal with the repercussions of this. I just…want to stay away from it and pretend it never happened.”

He sighed, “I have to tell you about Karina”

“What?” You looked at him.

“She’s…a friend, I guess. A couple of months ago, I asked her if she could get me in touch with Jieong. I wanted to talk to him for you, but she said she isn’t on good terms with him. Something about the way she said it makes me think that she’s been through something similar, like you, and that’s not fair. He doesn’t just get to do that and still have a fucking platform where people worship him.”

Frustration crawled from your chest, “What am I supposed to do about that, Hyunjin?”

He squeezed the steering wheel, “I don’t know, but I’ll help you figure it out. You’ve wanted to come to the city your entire life, you even hid it from your friends, you worked every summer for it. You can’t just give that up so easily. You have to stay.”

“Stay and do what, Hyunjin?”

He turned to face you, shifting closer in the little space, and his voice was quaking with nervousness, staring right into your eyes, “I don’t know. We’ll figure that out too, but…I know you, and this isn’t you. What you did, coming here all by yourself, getting into the program, that wasn’t easy. You did something most people can only dream of, and I know I didn’t express myself well, and that I should have told you sooner but I’m… I’m so fucking proud of you. My first few years here, the only reason I could survive was the members but you…you did that all by yourself. But… you’re not alone, not anymore. If you want to report Jieong, I’m going to help you. If you don’t want to do that, I’ll respect your choice.” He swallowed to breathe, lip trembling, “If you want to stay away from that drama, I’ll understand, but please…please don’t stay away from me.”

Your eyes widened, hearing his plea, and your heart was beating so loud you feared it’d burst out of your chest. Your gaze searched his, and all you saw was honesty and…fear. 

For the first time ever, you recognized the look on his face. 

He was scared of losing you. 

He had flown all the way here just to say this to you, and despite how horrible everything seemed…he was here with you. Your heart was shaking, unable to comprehend this side of Hyunjin, and you found yourself saying, “Tell me about the Christmas lights.” 

His eyes lit up, “They… they’re beautiful. They cover the whole city with them, it looks like a dream and…you have to see it. If not for long, at least stay till then, and…you can make your decision after that.”

Your eyes flickered over his form, and the desperation in his face that made your heart beat faster than it had in a while, “Okay.”

He let out a breath like he couldn’t believe your words, “Okay?”

“The lights better be worth it, Hyunjin.” You spoke, and he laughed, at your words in slight disbelief and relief. You felt a strange sense of relief too, as he drove you back.

»»————-

Hyunjin was in your apartment again. He helped you bring the suitcases up, and he was breathing heavy as he shut the door. The snow had stopped, but the temperatures had dropped more. He rubbed his hands together, blowing on them. Your apartment wasn’t much warmer, but it was still a relief to be indoors, after the long night you’d had. You looked at him from across the room, standing in your little kitchen, “Do you…want tea?”

He stood out so much in this little space. He looked at you, “I can make it for us.”

“No, that’s fine…” You declined his offer, turning to your cupboard to bring out the little box of specialty tea you’d procured from a nearby market. In your peripheral, he simply nodded, looking around the living room. You’d unknowingly put as much distance between the two of you. Him being in your space made you so nervous. Earlier, you were in such a rush, but now…he could actually see things for what they were. You’d ripped your art from the walls, but other traces of you were still here. Your little tray of knick-knacks on your coffee table, the fluffy pink blanket on your couch, and the little plants that decorated the space. You hadn’t bothered packing them up, and now you were glad you hadn’t because you wouldn’t want to redecorate all over again. He stood still near the door, taking everything in. 

“You can take your coat off.” You realised belatedly. He seemed uncomfortable in it, and it was wet from the snow. He looked at you, “Right. Okay.”

You’d taken yours off, and you stood in your white sweater. He slipped his coat off, and he wore a black turtleneck inside. He seemed so awkward. You were too. You knew that things wouldn’t just go back to normal, you couldn’t just pick up where you’d left off. Instead you watched the water in the pot boil, bubbles coming to the surface. 

“Have you been to Myeondong yet?” He suddenly asked. You looked at him, stirring the water, “Uh, not yet. What is it?”

“You haven’t? It’s a popular street here. They have a lot of shops, boutiques and food. They have really good street food. I think you’d like it.”

“Do you go often?” You asked, and stopped yourself from suggesting that perhaps he could take you. He replied, “No, it’s…too crowded. I can go but the company doesn’t recommend it.”

You nodded, turning back to the pot, glad you hadn’t asked only to be shut down by him. It was stupid to think otherwise, “Right. You need their permission. Do they know you’re here?”

You heard a soft sigh, and perhaps you’d offended him, “No… I know it doesn’t seem like that but we can still do whatever we want. It’s not like we’re under constant supervision…it just feels like that because they’re not the only ones watching us, we also have to worry about the media, about…anybody with a camera who might see me.”

“I saw Baekhyun at a club once.” You blurted. His eyebrows shot up, “You did?”

“Mmh. He was making out with two girls at the bar, and nobody really seemed to care” You elaborated. He nodded, “Yeah. He’s famous enough to get away with it.”

You bit back a scoff, “Get away with what…? Kissing? You make it sound like a crime, Hyunjin.” 

You were clearly more honest with him than you had been in the past, ridiculing all the crazy stupid standards of the industry he was a part of. Since when did people like him let a commercial, capitalist corporation decide how they live their lives? It irked you that Hyunjin gave into it so easily. Why didn’t he challenge it? Why was he just settling for it?

He seemed to have no response to your accusation, and instead said, “I thought you understood why things are the way they are.”

You did understand, at a point. When he kissed you for the first time, he had very kindly explained to you that he couldn’t let this become anything more. Yet it had. The phone he’d given you lay on the countertop, and you eyed it, “It seems like you really thought things through when getting me this phone. So what exactly happened…?”

“My managers found out about you.” He stated. You glanced at him, surprised how he said it so calmly when it had been his biggest fear, “What? How?”

“Yeah, they…overheard me and the boys at a party.” He said. You blinked, “You were talking about me at a party?”

“Be careful, the water’s going to boil over.” He stepped closer. You looked back at the pot, realizing this, and turned the stove off. He continued, “And yes. It was at the album release party. I called you that night”

“Oh” You recalled, and he had been drunk on the phone that night and you had wished to be next to him, “I remember…”

“So, anyway…they found out about you that night. It was my mistake…and they gave me a bunch of documents, and I don’t know I guess I kind of freaked out.” He came to stand opposite you, crossing his arms against his chest. His sweater was so tight on him and his arms bulged when he crossed them. You couldn’t help but notice.  It was tucked into his pants, a thick belt holding them up. You leaned against your kitchen counter, facing him, “What kind of documents?”

“A…press release statement, and an NDA.” He cleared his throat, “I guess they thought we were dating.”

“Oh. So is that what happened then? Why you acted the way you did?”

“Some of it. I didn’t want to involve you in any of that legal stuff, and they didn’t believe me when I said we were just friends. Things were spiraling with Chan and the others, not that it’s their fault, but I…I guess cutting you out felt like the easiest choice to make at the moment.”

You looked away from him, a pang resonating in your chest at those words, and bitterness filled you. Maybe it was a mistake calling him here. Maybe he should leave. He noticed the drop in your expression, “Did I say something wrong?”

“It was easy?” Your voice was hollow in the little apartment, heart-shattering at his admittance.

“What?”

You glanced at him, “Cutting me out was easy for you?”

He gulped, staring at you and his eyes burned through you, as his lips parted to say, “No, it was…the hardest thing I ever did.”

For some reason beyond your understanding, you believed him. Everything in you wanted to believe him. It was a genuine response.

“The tea,” You said, realizing you’d forgotten it. You wanted to ask him a lot more about how the past months had been in your absence, but you’d take it slow. This was a lot for one night. 

He stood up straighter, “Yeah.”

You turned around, reaching into your cabinet to take out two little mugs. You didn’t have much crockery, you hardly had people over much, and Hyunjin stepped up to help you. “Is everything you own pink?” He asked, taking the little mug from you.

You looked at him, embarrassed, “Just the mugs…”

“And the blanket…” He pointed out, looking at you. A little, teasing smile tugged at his lips. You fought your own smile, “Just drink the tea, okay Hyunjin?”

He nodded, smiling still, and poured the water into yours and his, levelling them the same. He dropped the tea bags in it, and handed it to you. You grabbed it from him, loving the warmth on your hands, “Oh. This is hot.”

He agreed, testing out a sip, “It’s nice. It was freezing outside”

You nodded, “You can sit, if you want.”

“No, that’s okay.” He shook his head and walked over to your kitchen window, bending down to peer out, “Do you keep it open always?”

“Yeah. I…like the sounds,” You told him, taking another sip, but you ended up burning your tongue, and you sighed, putting your mug away, “I heard you were in Japan. How was it?”

He had his hand out the window now, tracing the melted snowflakes that lay on the ledge, and he spoke, “Tiring, but…beautiful.”

“Kairi told me you were there for an award show?”

He turned to you again, snowflakes disintegrating in his palm, “We were”

“Did you win?”

He laughed, smiling at you, “Yeah. We won…a few. Album of the year.”

“That’s really nice.” You said, warmth blooming in your chest, “You deserved it, I’m sure.”

He laughed again, “You don’t even know who we were up against.”

“Well…” You traced a circle on the kitchen slab, “I don’t, but I heard your album. The day it came out. It was…really nice, Hyunjin.”

“Thank you. I didn’t know you listened to it.” He had a little smile as he spoke. His hair fell into his face, but some of it was tied up behind his head. Him standing with the tea in his hands, in the dim lighting of your kitchen, made him look like a dream.

Your phone buzzed, dragging both your attention to it. Felix was calling. 

“Uh, I should take this.” You told him. Hyunjin’s smile fell, giving way to another neutral expression and he just nodded, “I can head out, if you want me to.”

You looked at him. You wanted him to stay but…for what? Things were awkward, and you were so overwhelmed. Plus, it’d probably be a long call explaining to Felix that you’d actually decided to stay, and that you’d only panicked beforehand. You didn’t look forward to that conversation. Hyunjin was ready to go now though, and you wished he would stay. You wished he would once again ask you to stay. All of his passion from earlier had settled into…awkwardness, like he didn’t know what to do with himself after such a heavy confession, after begging you to stay. 

You spoke, “You haven’t finished your tea.”

He looked down at his mug, and he’d been drinking extra slow or maybe he’d poured more tea for himself just so he could stay here longer and find an excuse to talk to you, “But…Yongbok…”

Your phone kept buzzing, vibrating on the counter. You didn’t know what to say. He cleared his throat, “You should talk to him, he must be worried. I… think it’s best if I go, and I should be back at the dorm before morning. I don’t want to raise any suspicion. When I took the early flight here, I told the company it was because I was sick, so…they’d be expecting me to be at home.”

Your heart deflated, and you agreed, “That makes sense.”

There was such a strange bond. You could be angry at him all you wanted, but he was the only person you could be yourself around. The only one who brought you comfort, just by his mere presence, even if he said nothing. You had no idea what the two of you were right now, but you were warming up to him again, and things could almost be okay if this continued.

“But if you want me to stay here with you tonight, I can.” He added, “I don’t…want you to feel alone, not tonight.”

But what about every other night? You would always feel alone without him. Your eyebrows shot up at his suggestion, “I don’t know, Hyunjin. I…I don’t want to get you into trouble.”

He nodded, “You’re right. I should go. That’s probably the right thing to do.”

“Okay.” You swallowed. He put his mug away, unfinished tea, and then approached you, “If you…need something, my number is on that phone. You can call me, anytime. Don’t worry about disturbing me or anything.”

“Yeah. Okay”

He exhaled a breath, “I’ll see you soon, then. Goodnight.”

He was so close to you that you could smell the cologne, and you could smell him. His shampoo, or whatever it was. It smelled so good. You forced a smile at him, “Goodnight, Hyunjin.”

He walked to your living room, grabbed his coat, and slipped it on. 

You stood where you were, not wanting to be that close again, not trusting yourself with what you might do and regret. He looked at you from the door, “I’m…really sorry about what happened, with…Jieong, again. You don’t deserve that. Nobody does, but…yeah, I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s…not your fault.” You told him, the constantly buzzing phone not letting you think straight. 

“I know, but…I should have been there for you. I’m sorry about that too, but…call me if you need me, please.”

Your heart was crumbling, not being able to comprehend this. After all these months of sadness, was he really in your life again? None of this felt real. It was like a dream you’d conjured up to stop yourself from being so sad, but he was here, right now in your apartment. He turned the knob, and you blurted, “Wait—”

He looked back at you immediately, eyebrows raising in hope, “Yes?”

You stepped up, eliminating the distance between you, looking up at him, “Do you really mean it?”

His eyes searched yours, “Yeah.”

“You won’t get in trouble? If I contact you? What if…your managers find out about the other phone? Will you have to block me again?”

Hyunjin stared at you, and there was a determination in his eyes that you’d never seen, and a confidence, “They won’t find out.”

“If they do?”

He swallowed, gaze falling to your mouth briefly, “I’m willing to take that risk.”

“Oh.”

Your phone kept buzzing. He spoke, “You should really take that call. He would be worried.”

“You’re right.”

He glanced at you one last time, before leaving. 

You picked up your phone, voice shaky. You told Yongbok you’d decided to stay and when he asked you why, you didn’t know what to say. All your reasoning had blended into a mush of emotions and longing. Hyunjin must have said something really convincing back in the car, but you couldn’t remember what any of it was. You just knew that it had worked. You talked to him for the rest of the night. It was chilly and you should have gotten into bed, but you lingered in the kitchen for hours. It still smelt like him.

»»————-

You were woken up by a ringtone you didn’t recognise. Sitting up in bed, a heavy feeling settled in your chest. This had been happening for the past week. Each morning was compounded by sadness. As soon as you were conscious, you’d remember what happened with Jieong. Today, disorientation overtook the sadness. 

A phone was ringing. 

The ringtone…was a stupid silly love song that you were obsessed with back in Daejon. You reached for your laptop, pausing a rerun of The Vampire Diaries. You must have fallen asleep watching it, and you couldn’t comprehend what episode you were on now, having missed most of it in your asleep. Grabbing the blanket around your shoulders, you trudged to your living room, and sure enough, your new phone was buzzing. There was only one person who had this number. It was still baffling how Hyunjin bought you a flip fucking phone just so you could talk to him.

hyunjin hey, i just wanted to make sure it was working so i guess this is a test message you yea. its working. hyunjin oh im sorry. did i wake you up? you yup  hyunjin sorry…i hope you got enough rest. how did yongbok take it? you he was disappointed. he really wanted me to come home.

hyunjin i can imagine. did he ask why you changed your mind? you why? you want me to tell him that it was because of you? hyunjin it was? you i don’t know hyunjin. im still trying to figure it out. im kind of all over the place. hyunjin i understand

You stared at his texts, and this must have been the millionth time he had said sorry, but did he even know what he was sorry for? So much had happened in his absence, and it seemed like he had no idea what his loss had meant to you. Every conversation still felt like walking on eggshells, you didn’t know what he wanted from you now. Did he still have feelings for you? The night in the Atelier, he had said everything to get you to stay, yet nothing at the same time. All of his words were so carefully constructed for you, and you wish he’d been clear about what he wanted. Your heart was so fucking torn and confused. A part of you was still pushing Hyunjin away, and perhaps your anger was still lingering. But oh, you missed him so much.

He wanted you to see Christmas. You found yourself searching through search engines for pictures of Seoul during that festive time, and it sure looked beautiful and pretty, but it didn’t seem like a big enough deal. He must really love Christmas or something. You glanced over at your suitcases that lay at the edge of your bed, second-guessing everything when your phone began ringing, and you didn’t have the heart to ignore him. You crawled over to where it lay on the nightstand, and put the phone to your ear, listening quietly.

“Hey.” He spoke, a relief in his tone, “You picked up.”

You lied back down, pulling your covers over yourself, “I did.”

“What are you doing right now?” He asked. You stared at your ceiling, “I was watching a show…” You hadn’t been the most responsive tonight or this past few days. You were having trouble figuring out what this new relationship between you and Hyunjin meant. “You…haven’t unpacked?” He asked. You shrugged, “No. I’d prefer having it ready to go if I change my mind.”

There was a pause on the other end, “Right. Well, if you do plan on leaving, I hope you don’t do it in the middle of the night again. It’s not very practical.”

He was joking about it, but for some reason it made you smile, “Yup. I’ll be sure to wait until dawn next time.”

“Back when I was at the academy, I always had my suitcase packed up under my dorm bed, and I hid it there, just in case I needed to leave one night.”

“Why would you need to leave?” You frowned. He chuckled, harshly, “Um, training was hard. I almost quit…a lot of times.”

“Why was it hidden?” You sat up. It felt weird that you’d known him all this time but never known this. He laughed, “I was too nervous to admit I was scared. If I thought of quitting, it would make the other trainees think I was weak. I couldn’t let them see that. That’s the fastest way to be targeted.”

You heart hurt at the thought of a younger Hyunjin being scared, “You never told me that…”

“Yeah, it’s…something I don’t really like to talk about.”

“I’m sorry for making you think about it.” You bit your lip, feeling guilty for reminding you of a worse time. His tone was light to reassure you, “It’s not your fault. I guess seeing you the other night reminded me…of me.”

“Yeah. Why are you up at this time though?” You glanced at your bedside clock. He spoke, “I’m waiting for the guys to get home. They’re coming back from Bangkok tonight, and they have a late flight. I hope you’ve been getting enough sleep though.”

It was a strange feeling, knowing you and him were in the same city, unable to fall asleep. This was a first. You wish you could call him over, and maybe you could help each other fall asleep. Holding him would definitely help all your worries, and you could imagine how warm his body would be to cuddle. Would he even fit in your bed and on your cheap mattress, or would you have to be on top of each other? The thought made your heart squeeze. You were so tired of holding back all these thoughts, you wanted to be able to say them out loud. There was no point keeping these feelings to yourself, but for now, it didn’t seem appropriate for this new friendship you two were discovering. You swallowed your desires, saying, “I have to go to the Atelier this week to withdraw my application.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“What?” Yes. Yes. You wanted him with you all the time.

“I just thought that you might feel anxious, and…I can wait for you. If you ever feel uncomfortable, you can let me know and I’ll take you home.”

It was funny how he always knew the right thing to say, pushing all the right buttons that made your dopamine go batshit insane. It was funny that he was perfect for you, yet you still weren’t together.

“But you can’t even be seen in public with me.” You responded, and you hated thinking with your head and not your heart. He was quick to offer a solution, “I’ll…be in my car. It’ll be fine. Nobody will know I’m there.”

You chewed on your lip, considering your options, “You don’t have to go through all of that effort. It just sounds like an inconvenience for you to be there.”

There was silence on the other end, and Hyunjin spoke, “I don’t want you to be around Kim Jieong by yourself.”

“I’ll be fine.” The idea of Hyunjin accompanying you sounded tempting, but you couldn’t take responsibility for something like that. You’d caused him enough trouble in his life as is.

»»————-

Later that week, the receptionist of the Atelier was staring at you, a disapproving look on her face, “Are you sure? Once you input this request, you can’t change your mind.”  

“Yeah. I’m sure. I’m…positive” You spoke, hands flat on the front desk. She frowned, “You’re… positive that you want to withdraw your admission?”

The words sent a pang through your chest, a cruel reminder to your predicament, but you nodded, “Yeah.”

A familiar, comforting voice suddenly rang through the lobby, and you turned to see Jeonghan run up to you, a huge portfolio bag in hand. He was a sight for sore eyes. He looked so relaxed in his bucket hat and an oversized mint-green cardigan, with a smile on his face, “Y/N! Are you feeling any better?” …Right. He thought you were sick. He thought that’s the reason you hadn’t shown up to any classes. You smiled up at him. You hadn’t seen him in a while, “Yeah. Can you just give me a second? I’ll finish up here.”

“Sure. I'm just waiting for my friend anyway.” He nodded, slinging an arm around you, pulling you close. The receptionist blinked at you, unfazed by Jeonghan’s affectionate arrival, “And you’ve spoke to Mr. Jieong about this?”

“Yes, I’m sure he knows” You spoke, “Spoken to him about what?” Jeonghan asked, looking at you. You bit your lip, glancing up at him, “I… it’s not important”

He frowned, a sassy look on his face, “That’s not suspicious at all.”

“I can’t withdraw your admission unless you get your professor's signature" The receptionist said, handing you back your documents.

“I’m sorry, what?” Jeonghan laughed. You sighed, stepping away from the front desk and he tagged along, “I’m fucking tripping, right? Or did she just say you’re withdrawing your admission?”

You shrugged, staring at the documents in your hand, “I don’t know, I can’t afford it anymore. I have to talk to Jieong. Do you know where he is?”

“Probably in his office.” He said, “But are you not going to explain what’s going on?”

“I can’t get into it right now. Will you please come with me? I don’t want to be by myself.” You asked. He spoke without hesitation, “Of course I’ll come with you.”

You felt a different kind of terror and disappointment when you entered Jieong’s office. Jeonghan was right next to you, holding your hand and he didn’t even know what was happening but you were glad to have his support. Kim Jieong was hunched over his desk, looking through what seemed like portfolios, until he noticed the two of you walk in. He smiled brightly at you as if nothing had ever happened, “What brings the two of you in?”

You stared at him, figuring out what you could possibly say. Jeonghan’s hand was on the small of your back, and he squeezed you lightly as if encouraging you, and he said, “Just accompanying a friend.”

You looked at Jieong, and the way he sat like a king in his chair, and spoke, “I…needed your signature on something.”

“Nate. Do you mind if I speak to Y/N alone?” He asked, sending him a sweet smile. Jeonghan nodded, “Sure, of course.”

You could say nothing as he left you two alone. Jieong took off his glasses, staring at you, “This is ridiculous, Y/N.”

“I can’t do the classes anymore” You told him. His eyebrows shot up, “After everything you did to get in, you’re giving up like that? I know it’s hard, but don’t be so temperamental.”

“I’m not giving up. I’ll…still paint” You mumbled. He tilt his head, “For yourself? Where is that going to get you? I just think you’re making a big mistake.”

You swallowed, “So what, I come just back to classes and pretend nothing happened?”

“Well, what did happen, Y/N?” He chuckled, “I came to check in on you. As a concerned adult, I am responsible for my student, and you just ran away. And then you decided to skip classes for some reason. Now you’ve lost the chance for the scholarship, but you can still continue in the program.”

You stared at him, not even realising that of course he’d deny everything. You wondered if you should address it, but maybe now was the only time you could. “You…you said I should convince you.”

He leaned forward on his desk, “By making your greatest painting yet, of course. How…else? You are an artist at the end of the day, aren’t you?”

“Can you please just sign my document so I can leave?” You spoke, more venom in your tone than you intended. He was pretending it didn’t happen. He frowned, clicking at his pen, “You’ve already paid for the next few months classes. You’re just going to let that go to waste?”

Were you making a big mistake? You were acting too much on emotion. Yet you couldn’t imagine being in the same room as him again, and feeling comfortable. He had ruined this for you.

“You used to be my favourite artist...” You said, almost accusatory. He stood up, the sound of his chair dragging against the wood was loud, “Used to be? Does someone else have your heart now?”

Your phone started buzzing in your pocket, Hyunjin must be calling you, and Jieong stepped around his table, walking closer to you. You hated this. You hated looking at him, and feeling this fear and anxiety when you should only feel admiration. “Please. I just need your signature and I’ll be gone. I haven’t said anything to anybody and I’m probably moving back home anyway, so please just do this for me.”

He crossed his arms, talking so nonchalantly as if this were a casual conversation, “No. If I let you withdraw, that’d be wasting your talent and potential.”

“So you want me to stay in the program?”

“That’s all I’ve wanted since day one.” He laughed, “You’re one of my most talented.”

Your head was beginning to hurt, “Then why did you cancel my scholarship…and why are you being like this?”

“I’m not being like anything. I’m just asking you to consider staying in the program. I don't know why you're so insistent on running away.” He stepped closer, and a month ago, his tone would could comforted you but not anymore. You made sure you were near the door so you could leave if you needed to, and you tried to find the least offensive way to say what you felt, “What do you mean? You made me uncomfortable the other night.”

“What did I do? Am I not allowed to check up on my students anymore?” He was acting clueless, and it pissed you off.. You felt insane like you were speaking to a child who couldn’t comprehend anything, “I don’t know…you tried to grab me.”

“No offence, Y/N, but you’re not exactly my type. In case you forgot, I’m a married man.” He held up his hand, showing you his wedding band, “If anything, you’re the one who’s been coming on to me.”

“What? No, I haven’t.”

“Really?” He didn’t seem like he believed you, and you didn’t have to justify yourself anyway. You felt frustrated by the way he was addressing this situation, making you feel crazy. “I’ve …never come on to you. That’s…insane. I have a boyfriend. I would be crazy to do that, not to mention how…inappropriate that is. Do you think I’d risk my—”

“You have a boyfriend? What you told me the other night was different.” He tilt his head. You were only going in circles and not going anywhere, as you said, “I try to keep my professional and personal life separate.”

“What’s his name?” He asked, clicking the pen in his hand, the noise driving you mad. You almost ended up saying Hyunjin’s name, until you realised you obviously couldn’t fucking do that. Hyunjin couldn’t be the convenience in this case, you don’t know what Jieong could do with that information, especially if he found out who Hyunjin really was. You swallowed, “Nate. Obviously.”

Jieong’s expression shifted, “I see.”

You weren’t sure if he believed you or not, but you wouldn’t stick around to find out, “I don’t even know why I’m talking about this with you. I just need you to give me my documents, so I can leave.”

“I’ll think about it.” He spoke. Your eyes widened, “What?”

“You can come collect them later, in case I change my mind.” He said, returning to his desk and sat down nonchalantly. You stared at him in disbelief, not wanting to start an argument or make him mad. This was pointless. You left his office, feeling worse than before, informing the receptionist that you couldn’t even fucking resign right now. Everything felt harder than it should be. A hurdle for everything. Getting into this program had been impossible, and it seemed like getting out of it was just as tough. 

The phone in your bag kept buzzing, and you stepped into the bathroom, picking up his call, “What?”

“Y/N…” Hyunjin seemed surprised at your tone, “I…was trying to reach you. What happened?”

Your eyes brimmed with tears of frustration, “Nothing. I’ve had a bad day. Why were you calling me so much?”

“I was going to come to the Academy. Are you still there?”

“You’re what?” Your voice shot up. His voice was calm on the other end, “I can’t let you speak to Jieong alone.”

“Where are you right now? You can’t come. They keep a record of every visitor and… you can in trouble with your company for being here. And I already talked to him so there isn’t any point.” You spoke. It was also frustrating how you wanted Hyunjin to be there for you, but you had to think of his life and his job always first, before yourself. It had always been the case though. He was quiet for a minute and then said, “You were alone with him? Where are you right now?”

“Nate was with me.” You said, staring at yourself in the mirror, and you looked like shit, in a hoodie you had worn for three days straight, “He’s…waiting for me outside.”

“I see…” Hyunjin responded, “I’m sorry. I wanted to be there for you.”

You sighed, “Don’t beat yourself up over it, Hyunjin. I’m fine. Jieong was absolutely useless though. He didn’t even let me withdraw! He was…being cryptic, and frustrating. I had to tell him Nate’s my boyfriend just to get him off my back.”

Hyunjin’s response was dry, “Oh. Okay.”

“I mean… I was lying.” You were stupidly justifying yourself, and he mumbled, “Yeah. Makes sense…I haven’t been able to focus on anything else but you since I woke up, so I just thought it’d be better if I came over there.”

“You don’t have to leave work for me, Hyunjin." You suddenly felt guilty, "I’m sorry we haven’t talked much. I just haven’t been in the best state of mind.”

“I just…want you to know that I’m here, if you ever want to talk about it. I’m sorry that you’re having a bad day.”

“Don’t worry about it, it's not your fault or anything.” You mumbled. He said, “I’ve been thinking and…I want to take you somewhere. I think it’ll take your mind off things.”

The request excited you, but coming from Hyunjin’s mouth, you couldn’t really believe it, “Somewhere in the city?”

“Yeah.”

“But is that allowed? For you to be seen with me in public?” It was the only question you had. You didn’t mean for it to sound so cold. It came out harsher than intended. Allowed as if Hyunjin was a child who needed permission to do anything he desired. He was quiet, and you feared you’d crossed the line, but then he suddenly said, “I…asked my manager for permission.”

At those words, your eyes widened. That was certainly something you hadn’t expected. “And what did you say?”

He let out a nervous chuckle, “I may have lied and told him my cousin was visiting from America and that it was my… responsibility to show them around the city. He obviously can’t stop me from hanging out with family, even if it’s in a crowded place.”

“So…I have to pretend to be your cousin?”

He laughed, “No. God, no. You don’t have to pretend to be anything. You can…be yourself. It’s just gonna be me and you.”

“Really?” You didn’t know what this was. Hyunjin was…definitely opening up to you in a way he hadn’t in months. You had no idea what to make of it. Perhaps this meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. Maybe he was only being friendly to make up for his behavior.

“Yeah. Is that okay with you? If it’s just…us?”

Just you and him. You’d craved for him this whole time. He seemed nervous since you hadn’t answered, “Y/N?”

“I’m here,” You said. He must have expected that you hung up. “Oh,” He replied, his tone relieved at hearing your voice. 

“So where did you want to take me?”

“You said that you haven’t been to Myeon-dong, and… that’s a crime. I was hoping to show you around.” He added, “But I… don’t know. I would understand if you were still pissed about… what I did, and if you don’t want to go.”

“I’m not pissed…” You thought about his words, “I’m just kind of confused, Hyunjin.”

“About me?”

“No, actually, let’s not discuss this over the phone…things get misinterpreted and… I’m really tired right now,” You mumbled. Hyunjin suddenly wanted to hang out with you again and this was a lot to unpack and shouldn’t be done now. He agreed, “You’re right. I'm sorry again that I couldn’t see you. I really didn’t want you to feel like you had to do that alone. Because I’m here, for you. I know I haven’t been but…yeah.”

When he said stuff like that, your stomach twisted. You’d been trying to maintain a line between you and him, a boundary based on all of the recent events, yet it felt futile. Your voice dropped, “Yeah, thank you.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

You nodded, and a part of you already felt lighter at this proposition, “See you then, Hyunjin.”

You stepped out, making your way to the entrance and Nate spotted you. He ran up to you, pulling you into a half-hug, “How’d it go with Jieong? I can’t believe he kicked me out of his office.”

You shrugged, squinting under the sun, “I may have told him you were my boyfriend…”

He laughed, a smirk on his face, “What? Is that your way of asking me out?”

It was kind of nice that he had no idea what was going on. You could still pretend that things were normal. You felt embarrassed, pushing your hands in your pockets, “Jeonghan…no.”

“I know. I know. I’m kidding” He smiled, then took off his bucket hat, placing it on your head to protect you from the sun, “You need to get yourself a pair of sunglasses.”

“Thanks” You smiled. It was nice to be distracted from your disastrous exchange with Jieong. He looked around at all of the art students walking to classes, then back to you, “So are you coming back to class on Monday? You know it sucks without you, right?”

“Really? I take it you guys miss me a lot then.” You smiled. He rolled his eyes, “Of course I do. Honestly, you were my favorite thing about it, especially this last semester. Jieong’s got a stick up his ass for some reason. Anyway, me and Minnie miss you. Well, me more than her. I don’t have anybody to teach me your crazy ass techniques anymore. I mean, you’re the only one who can make me get my hands willingly dirty and paint with them.” 

You narrowed your eyes at him, “They weren’t crazy. I thought you enjoyed painting with your hands. You’re a dick.”

He grinned, tapping your hat, “Only for you.”

You then noticed the black and gold bags at his feet, “So, what’s in the bags?”

“Unfortunately, nothing for you.” He sighed. “I was shopping for a tuxedo. Actually, now that you're here, I did have a crazy favor to ask you.”

You looked up at him, in anticipation, “Yeah? What’s the favour?”

“My sister, she lives in Busan, I told you, right? Well anyway, she’s getting married next Saturday, which is crazy in itself but…long story short, you’re coming with me. There’s no way I’m surviving that alone.”

“You want me to be your plus-one?” You asked. He shrugged, “I mean, you already told Jieong you’re my girlfriend…so it doesn’t hurt to keep up appearances does it?”

“I mean, I have to think about it. Do I have to dress up fancy and all?” You asked. He nodded, “Yeah, a formal dress preferably, but if anyone can pull that off, it would be you. You being by my side would actually make it bearable. Will you think about it and let me know? If you absolutely can’t go, that’s okay, I’ll take Minnie along, but… I’d…really prefer if it was you. After all, I can’t make out with Minnie when I’m drunk.”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s almost like you’re trying to convince me not to go.”

He smiled, “Please let me know about it. I gotta go meet my friend now. I’ll hopefully see you next Saturday?”

Maybe going to a fancy wedding would take your mind off things, and you smiled as he kissed your cheek goodbye, “No promises.”

»»————-

This was the Seoul you’d seen in the movies. It’s as if you’d stepped into a full spread of a magazine that you’d fawn over in your school library as you stared at Myeon-dong street. A seemingly endless alley of shops, food, and anything a person could want for. It was the afternoon, and it seemed to be the busiest time as throngs of people filtered in and out through the streets. Your gaze fell upon families, couples, and teenagers filling the streets still in their school uniforms.

There was a newspaper stand set up next to you, selling magazines and papers of all kinds, it even had some pop merchandise, random objects with pictures of idols on them, ranging from socks to mugs to paper fans. It was bizarre. The lady at the shop smiled at you, “Looking for something in particular?”

“Um, no, I was just looking.” You shook your head. She was dressed really well, and she smiled at you, “What’s your favorite group, sweetie?”

Your eyes meandered over the merchandise, and for a moment you considered saying the name of Hyunjin’s band but quickly decided against it, “Uh, I don’t listen to…” Just then, a teenage girl and her friend came behind you, filming a vlog of some kind, and the lady asked them the same question, her attention switching in a millisecond away from you, “Looking for something?”

To your surprise, the girl enthusiastically nodded, “Yes, please! Could we get a Hwang Hyunjin and Changbin necklace?”

Your eyes widened, and you stepped away from the stall to hide your reaction. You could see the lady reach into her supplies, pulling out several decorative items, along with t-shirts and necklaces. Hyunjin was on half of them, and a strange sense of pride and wonder filled you. That must be so fucking weird for him, but you suppose it also must be satisfying to be this famous. The teenage girl immediately reached for the Hyunjin necklace, a pendant with his name carved out in silver, and it was actually pretty, and not tacky, and a part of you wanted to get one for yourself but he’d think you were crazy if you did. She immediately put it around her neck, a big smile on her face. You stepped away, a strange jealousy building in your stomach.

It was almost the time he said he’d meet you here, so you walked to the junction, hands pushed into your deep coat pockets, looking around for the familiar face.

In the midst of the crowd, he was waiting for you.

He stood tall in a suede trench coat, a turtleneck, and a bag slung around him. He wore a black mask, obscuring his face from the onlookers, but people were still looking at him. Of course they were. He didn’t need to show his face to be the most beautiful man in the room.

He was looking around too, and you waited for him to notice you. Would you stand out to him too, like he did to you? Could he pick you out of a crowd of hundreds?

You pulled your phone out of your pocket, wondering if he would call and ask where you were. But then he noticed you. Even in this distance, you saw his eyes light up in recognition, and immediately, he stepped ahead, pushing through the moving crowd to get to you. You waited where you were, as he got closer and closer. Your heart pound to a different beat now. You had no idea what today would be about or what any of this meant to him, and one of the reasons you’d agreed to meet was to find out. He finally approached you, and his eyes crinkled as you imagined the hidden smile under his mask, “You’re here…”

You nodded, looking up at him, “Have you been waiting long?”

He shook his head, voice muffled, “No, don’t worry about it.”

You wish you could see him without the mask, but too many people here could recognise him. “There’s a couple of places I wanna show you.” He said, gesturing you to move. You walked next to him, and the tight space pushed you two together, arms brushing mistakenly. You looked around, “There’s a lot of people here”

“Mmh. It’s one of the busiest times of the day.”

“Why did you pick this time then?” You glanced up at him. He looked at you, “Well…Right now, we can just blend into the crowd. If there’s less people, we’re more likely to be noticed, and draw attention.”

So he had thought of that, and he was right. You weren’t really looking at other people because there were just far too many to keep track of, so they likely wouldn’t be looking at you too. To them, you just seemed like a normal couple on a day out. Your arms brushed against each other the whole time, and his hand hovered over your back. You kept sneaking glances at him, and it was harder because you were moving so fast, and he was taller and there was only so much of him you could see. Every time there was a change in the crowd, he’d quickly switch sides, grabbing your arm to keep you close. When you looked at him, his eyes crinkled as he tried to justify, “Just making sure I don’t lose you.”

The words sent a flutter through you, and you asked him, trying to be heard over the cacophony of sounds, “Did you know shops here sell merchandise with you?”

He looked back at you, distracted. He was seemingly too focused on finding his way through the crowd, “Um, yes, I’ve seen a few. Wait… this place has the best fried chicken, you need to try it. If we come later in the evening, there will be a really long wait for it. Changbin once made me wait two hours for it.”

“Oh, wow. Was it worth it?” You asked, stopping at what looked like an inconspicuous stall. He laughed, “I don’t know about that, but I’d do anything for Changbin, so I definitely wasn’t complaining. Anyway, the last time I was here, I could’t help but wonder what you’d think of it.” He then ordered a plate for the two of you, and you watched the vendor prepare it. It already smelled amazing, and you eagerly waited, hands in your pockets, “So do you come here with the guys often?”

He shook his head, “No, we haven’t gone out in a while. We’ve been so busy with promotions….and the album, haven’t really found time to relax.”

“I’m sorry. That sounds stressful. Do you not get any vacations?”

The vendor had finished preparing the chicken and was now seasoning it, sprinkling all kinds of spices over it. Hyunjin shrugged, “I think I used up my lifetime of vacations in Daejon.”

“Right.” You recalled all of his months there, “I hope you still got paid for it.”

He shook his head, face buried in the front of his coat, “It was still worth it though. I got to meet you.”

You blinked, wondering how and why he said such soul-changing stuff so casually. Like at a fucking chicken stall on the sidewalk. How did these things come so easily to him, but love so difficulty? You shrugged, “Right. I guess that’s why you didn’t need me anymore when you came back home.”

It was a joke, obviously, but Hyunjin’s eyebrows crinkled, “Y/N…”

“Oh, look, our food is ready.” You changed the topic, suddenly feeling guilty for bringing it up, and not wanting this to be awkward. He didn’t protest at your lack of subtlety, “Yeah. Come on, we can go into this alley so we’re not in everyone’s way.”

You followed him into a nearby alleyway. It was less crowded, so Hyunjin seemed more at ease at not being recognized yet you could see he was still a bit on edge as he kept his head down, avoiding eye contact with any passerby. He leaned against a brick wall, and you stood opposite him, savoring some of the chicken. He asked you, “You like it?”

To be honest, you couldn’t even process what you were eating. It was kind of hard to focus on other things when he was here, and this could have been the best chicken in the world but your internal monologue ran on a loop of Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin. It was annoying, and you wish you could focus on the environment you were in, on the other people around you, on the street food. But you nodded, your crazy urge to be a people-pleaser and said, “Yeah, this is so fucking good. Are you gonna have some?” 

He shook his head, laughing, “I’m good. I’m just glad you like it.” You hummed, “Thank you for making me try it…”

You hated that the mask obscured his face. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking, and it made you anxious. He didn’t say anything for a while as you ate, like he was building up the courage to ask, until he finally did say, “So…how are you feeling, really? And please…don’t just say you’re fine. I want to know how you’re really doing. And how you’ve been the past few months. I’ve been wondering that for a while.”

Your eyes searched his, and that certainly didn’t seem like street side conversation but it was all you had, “That’s a pretty loaded question, Hyunjin, but I guess it’s good to be out of my apartment. Thanks for bringing me out here. I was kind of getting sick of my routine.”

He nodded, “I can imagine. You hate routines.”

You laughed, surprised that he knew that about you even though at this point, he probably knew you better than any human in the world, “Yeah.”

“Did you tell Nate that you’re thinking of withdrawing? I hope he convinced you to not do that.” He asked, hope in his tone. You shook your head, “No, he was in a really good mood, I didn’t want to ruin it.”

“He seems like a really good friend, and I know I didn’t really have the chance to talk to him, but he seems cool.”

“Yeah. He definitely helped. Seeing him had definitely put me at ease.” You reached for another piece of fried chicken, “When I was about to go back home, he didn’t really even cross my mind…but I realized, yeah, it would have been unfair to him if I just left without a word. I would definitely miss him. He was…such a big part of my last few months. I wouldn’t have adjusted to living in the city without him.”

Hyunjin was quiet, and then he spoke, “What do you mean?”

“Well,” You laughed, feeling embarrassed at the memory, but Hyunjin was the one who wanted to know all about your life the past few months, “I was so lost when I moved here. Everything seemed so…scary, but he made it easier for me.” Hyunjin was still staring at you so you elaborated, finding the need to explain, “He…made me meet his friends, he took me out to some really cool bars, and going to class was scary but he’s probably the reason I didn’t go back home sooner… now that I think of it.”

“Oh.” He pushed off the wall, choosing to walk along the alley, and you followed him, trying to keep up with his footsteps. Little hair salons and souvenir shops surrounded you. As you walked, you observed how your feet fit in the cobblestones just so you wouldn’t feel so nervous around him as you replayed the last few months in your head, “Yeah. Wow, I didn’t realize how much he meant to me until you asked. I mean…he had no reason to be so nice to me, especially because…this is embarrassing to talk about—”

“What?” Hyunjin asked, looking at you. It felt weird to think of all those months, but you were only talking about this because he asked. You’d been crying almost every day, because of…well, him. Everything had seemed so hopeless without him in your life, and now…you had bigger problems. Such as your dreams of a lifetime being absolutely fucked and burnt into the dust. So perhaps you had made your peace with what Hyunjin had done. Nothing could have made him change his mind, and there was…no point crying about it. 

You snapped back to reality, realising he was waiting for you to answer and you wonder how honest you should be. Something about how detached he’d been the past few months made it easier for you to open up, “It’s embarrassing because I was really all over the place. I was kind of…depressed? I don’t even know, but…Nate didn’t mind. He was so nice about it.” You then laughed, suddenly remembering the blind date Minnie had set you up on, “Oh, and I had this horrible fucking date, man it was so bad. Some people can be such assholes.”

“You were…depressed?”

You looked up at him, realizing how serious that could sound, “Um, I mean…that’s a big word…I guess.”

“Why…?” He looked at you, confused, eyebrows knitted together in sadness, “You weren’t happy about the apprenticeship?”

The happiness of that could never have compared to the sadness of losing him. You’d really dug yourself into a hole. You wondered how to say this without making it all about him. How could you tell him that he was your favourite thing in the world? You swallowed, “Uh…I…I was kind of lonely, I guess.”

Hyunjin stared at you, something flashing through his eyes, and it looked like…regret, or guilt. You immediately felt bad, gut sinking. He looked away from you, and cleared his throat, blinking, “So…you had a date? With Nate?”

“No, this other guy,” You explained, “A date with Nate would have been a million times better, but no, it was with this total ass. He…just wanted to get into my pants, I guess, and on top of that he also had horrible taste in beer. Nate did rescue me from it.”

“So…then what happened between you and him? At the party, you were…” He trailed off, staring at the ground as he walked, “You guys looked close.”

“I don’t know. We were just…fucking around. It doesn’t mean anything. He kissed me, and I guess that’s how it started.” 

Hyunjin glanced at you, “He kissed you?”

Why did it even matter right now? You clarified, “Technically, I kissed him…after my terrible date. And he returned it. Then, I guess we just…were casual friends who kissed.”

“Oh…Okay” 

“Yeah. You missed a huge chunk of my life.” You chuckled, and you’d finished all the chicken, so he threw the plate away in a trashcan. He then asked, “So…what else did you do in the city ever since you’ve been here?”

“I…uh…not much.” 

“What were your favourite moments?” He asked, “You must have had some good ones, right?”

You drifted off, trying to remember the times you’d been happy, and it was weird how you couldn’t think of many, “Well, when I got accepted. I was the happiest then. Then…when Jieong told me that I was talented, and when my paintings got complimented on in class. I was happy when I discovered a thrift store near my house, and…they had the cutest skirt in my size. It looked really cute on me.”

Hyunjin must be smiling, because you could see his eyes crinkle over the mask, “And?” 

“And…I was happy when I was with Kairi. We found this cute cafe we would go to. They had these really, really good sandwiches. I was happy when…” You stopped.

“When?”

You looked up at him, pushing your hands in your pockets, “When…I saw you, in the storage closet.”

He was quiet, processing your words, and then he said, “We’re almost here. Come on.”

You thought you’d just been walking aimlessly, but it seemed like Hyunjin had a destination in mind this whole time. There was a brick building hidden between K-marts and department shops. It looked abandoned. “Can we even go in?” You asked. He laughed, “Of course.” There was an incognito entrance, hidden from the public as you stepped in through the doors, “Are you sure? It feels like we’ll get murdered in there, Hyunjin.”

He glanced at you, “That’s a funny way of saying you don’t trust me.” 

You shrugged, playing along because it felt nice to pretend that things were normal again, “So, if there was a serial killer in there, you would fight him for me?”

He let out another laugh, looking at you, “I obviously would, and no there isn’t anybody in there, but maybe I should be asking if you would do that for me?”

“Nah, I think I’d sacrifice you so I could get away.” You smiled at him, and he laughed as you entered a fancy corridor. There was a huge map on the wall with different levels marked on it, and far too much detail than you’d expect. You still had no idea where you were. You tried to read it but Hyunjin walked ahead, and you caught up to him asking, “So…where are we?”

“It’s this…really cool concept store, for mainly streetwear. It’s one of a kind, all their clothes are inspired from the 90s and the coolest part is nobody really knows who the designer is. People speculate and such, but it’s anonymous and because their identity is hidden from the world, they can pretty much get away with anything, controversial designs and stuff. Ever since my stylist told me about, I knew I had to bring you here. It’s like…if Banksy made fashion, you know?”

The thoughtfulness of that didn’t miss you. He’d been thinking of you for a while, it seemed, and it looked like he was right. The first room you stepped in was already breathtaking. Cool technology surrounded the open floor plan, a suspended spaceship hung from the center, and clothes of vivid colors were displayed on racks amongst art installations and paintings. It seemed more like a museum than a fashion store. “Holy shit. You weren’t kidding.” You spoke, taking in all the futuristic displays,  “How much are these clothes even worth?”

Hyunjin laughed, “Just the same as any other high-fashion store.”

“So… insanely expensive,” You mumbled, running your hand through the variety of jackets hung up. They were the coolest designs you’d seen, and the precision that must have gone into designing them was obvious. Each had something that made it unique: different fabric patches, pockets of uncanny shapes, and neon colors that you couldn’t imagine pulling off. But in Seoul, there was an outfit for everybody, and these definitely weren’t for you. Each of them felt expensive to the touch, and you probably shouldn’t be touching them like so. 

“I wore something like this for a stage performance last month, and I was so stressed about ruining the sequins the entire time. Do you like any?” Hyunjin asked you, browsing through them too. You laughed, “Um yes, I love them, but I shouldn’t.”

“This one is really cool,” He spoke, eyeing a purple jacket, with lavendar fur on the neckline and sleeve loops. It looked like something aristocrats or royals would wear in Buckingham palace or something, so you laughed when Hyunjin asked, “Do you want to try it on?”

“If I get a speck of dirt on it, would I have to sell my soul?” You raised an eyebrow. Hyunjin scoffed, “You’re allowed to try them on. Come on. There’s a mirror somewhere here.” He grabbed the jacket off the shelf so casually, walking through the maze of displays until you reached a huge floor-to-ceiling mirror. He held the jacket up to you, and you couldn’t take this seriously, “That is so not me. It would look good on like Gigi Hadid or something.”

He rolled his eyes, “Just try it on.”

“Sure. I’ll humour you this once, but after this, I get to pick something ridiculous for you to wear.” You took off your winter coat. Hyunjin grabbed it for you, and you slipped on the purple jacket. Immediately, it felt like you were wearing millions of dollars, rich and thick fabric. It hugged your body perfectly. You turned to the mirror, running your hands over the fur, it was so soft. Wearing this would definitely make anybody feel confident.

Hyunjin hadn't said anything yet. Your eyes darted to his, and he was staring at your reflection. His eyebrows were raised, eyes wide, but you couldn’t see the rest of his face and that bothered you. You held your arms up, turning to the side to observe it, “It’s like a work of art.”

“Yeah. You make it look like one.” Hyunjin spoke. You glanced at him, feeling shy suddenly. He was so observant, so fixated on you.

“Well. Anyway. It’s my turn.” You walked to another section of the store. Hyunjin followed you through all the abstract installations. There must be a narrative behind it, but you were just happy appreciating the visuals. Silver water fountains, clothing displays that moved on their own... everything about this place screamed future. It was inspiring just to be in here. Hyunjin was sifting through a rack of streetwear. A sunglasses case rest next to it, and you stared at them, grabbing a design off the rack.

“You should try this,” You told him, offering him the glasses. His eyebrows shot up and he laughed, “Really? You don’t think they’re tacky? The gold borders?”

“I think they’d look good on you” You mumbled, but kept them back based on his reaction, “But fine, you don’t have to try them if you don’t want to—” 

“I’ll try them, Jesus” He interrupted you with a laugh and put them on. There were mirrors everywhere and he looked at himself. You wonder if he fell in love with himself too each time he saw his reflection. He pushed his hair back, a smirk playing at his lips, “Huh. I actually kind of like that. Makes me feel like a rockstar.”

He sparkled under the store lights. You’d only wanted him to wear it as a joke, but he actually made them look so good. He looked expensive, and... so out of your league. He was absolutely beautiful, and you mumbled, “You are kind of a rockstar. You should get them.” 

He glanced at you, eyebrow raised as if it was even a question. Those glasses seemed to be made for his perfect face. He pulled them off, observing the frame, “You think?”

You just nodded, not trusting what you might blurt. Probably something embarrassing along the lines of how hot he made them look, even though they were just fucking glasses, but him in them was doing something unnatural to your body.

“I can’t remember the last time I bought something for myself” He stated, pushing the glasses up over his head. You leaned against the mirror, looking up at him, “Is it because you always have to wear sponsorships and stuff?”

He nodded, “Yeah. It’s easier in a way because I don’t have to pick out much of my clothes.”

“That’s such a first-world, rich person problem, Hyunjin. I can’t believe you just said that.” You rolled your eyes. He laughed, “Hey, I’m just being honest with you, sorry.”

“You’re pretty lucky. I wish someone would buy my clothes for me” You sighed, “Unfortunately, I don’t have a stylist, and a make-up artist, and a personal shopper and a manager—”

“Stop” Hyunjin laughed, interrupting you, “I think what you pick out for yourself is pretty fantastic.”

“Yeah, I know it is.” You smiled, “So, is there any other cool stuff in this store?”

He nodded, stepping back from the mirror, and his hand fell to your lower back again as he guided you, “Yup. There’s a cafe. That’s where I was initially going to take you until you got distracted by all the jackets.”

The cafe was a beautiful rooftop establishment, looking out at the views of Seoul. You had to hold back your gasp when you walked in. There were hardly any people in, just a few men that looked like CEOs seated at far tables. Your eyes fell to the menu that hung over the counter, where every bakery item was easily more than 30,000 won. Everything was so expensive, and probably explained why this place wasn’t buzzing with people. Not everyone could afford this taste. “You should try the Pain au Chocolat. It’s one of the best in the city.” Hyunjin nudged you. You looked at him, “That statement indicates that you’ve somehow tried all the chocolate croissants in the city.”

He laughed, “Not nearly. I come here with Changbin and Jisung often though. A few weeks ago, I tried it and I just…kept imagining how much you’d like it.” 

You looked back at the menu, feeling giddy at the thought of being on his mind so often, in your absence. You stepped up to the counter, ordering two coffees and croissants. You’d come all this way after all.

“Hey, I got this.” Hyunjin said, stopping you before you could pay. But if he paid for your coffee, it would increasingly make this feel more like a date, which this wasn’t. You couldn’t make yourself feel delusional by thinking it was. 

“Don’t worry about it.” You dismissed him, handing your card to the cashier. He frowned, clearly not happy with the outcome, but you wouldn’t let him buy it for you. The cashier also seemed expensively dressed, with good taste, and she input your order and then said, “Unfortunately ma’am, you can’t wear the store merchandise around.”

You realised you were still wearing the lavendar fur jacket, loving the feel of it on you just like Hyunjin had loved it on you. Gosh, you wish you could never take it off just to see the look in his eyes again. Except you weren’t just playing dress-up. This was probably worth hundreds of thousands. You felt so embarrassed, and you immediately reached to unbutton it, “Shit. I’m so sorry…I can go put it back now.”

Were they going to charge you a lot for this mistake?

“Oh. It’s not merchandise, ma’am. We’re taking it home.” Hyunjin interrupted, and then looked at you, “You can keep it on.”

The cashier just smiled, “Oh, of course. My mistake then. Your order will be out in a few minutes. Have a nice day!”

You gaped at Hyunjin, “What?”

He laughed, tugging your arm to pull you away from the counter.

“Are you insane?”

“Oh, don’t hurt my feelings, Y/N” He joked, leading you to a table in the corner. He sat down, comfortably stretching his legs. You were still processing it, “This cost a fortune, you can’t just do that on a whim. I’m not okay with that.”

He sighed, gesturing at you to sit opposite him, “Come on. It’s not a big deal”

You crossed your arms, “Is this a way to get back at me because I paid for our coffees?”

He laughed, “Only you’d think someone’s getting back at you if they buy you a gift.”

You frowned, sitting down, “Well, I don’t like feeling like I owe someone something. This is far too expensive and I did nothing to earn that”

“Hey. You don’t owe me anything” He leaned forward, “I wanted to buy that for you. You can’t stop me.”

“Why?”

“Because…you look beautiful in it. It’d be a shame for anybody else in the world to wear it, and…” He looked embarrassed, “Because I saw that a few weeks ago and imagined it on you."

His compliment made your heart jump, and you wish you weren't so weak and crumbling over a boy of all things, but you didn’t want to feel ungrateful, “Oh….Thank you…Hyun.”

“So… you’re not mad at me then? You haven't called me that in a while.” He laughed. Your voice fell, touching the expensive material of the jacket, “No…I really love it. It’s beautiful.”

His smile grew, eyes crinkling, “I know. You look great in it.”

You eyed his mask, and that certainly could't be comfortable and you felt brave enough to finally say, “Are you going to wear that thing all day? I can’t even see you...but I guess I understand if you need to.” 

He looked around the cafe. He must have deemed it safe, because there weren’t many people on this floor, so he reached up, slipping his mask out finally. And god, he looked so fucking perfect under it. His nose was red from the cold. His lips were just as plush as you remembered, and they curled up into a beautiful smile for you, “Is that better for you?”

“I hate that you have to hide yourself.” 

His eyes widened just a tad, and perhaps he hadn’t expected you to be so candid, but you just nodded, “Don’t make a big deal out of it or something. Everybody in this country is in love with your face.”

The waitress then brought a tray of your coffees, and croissants, placing them between you. The view of Seoul from here was beautiful. Your heart soared, watching the sun fall on him, and he slipped on his brand-new sunglasses. They really did make him look like a rockstar, with the reflection of the glass buildings in them. He pushed his hair back, but it was a useless gesture because the strands fell back into place, bangs covering his forehead, and his hair had grown out much more. You looked around at the few businessmen in the cafe and asked, “So your managers really don’t mind that you’re out with a girl…on a random weekday?”

He nodded, cutting into the croissant with his knife, “Yeah of course. They don’t have to know.”

You sipped your coffee and then realized what he’d said, “Wait, what? They don’t know you’re here?”

Hyunjin glanced up at you, mid-bite into the croissant, chocolate creaming his lips, “What?”

“You told me you asked him for permission, so you wouldn’t get into trouble.” You stated. Realization sank into his features, and he nodded, “Um, yeah. I did”

Clearly, he was lying…and the fact that Hyunjin lied to his company about today put you on edge. He clearly noticed that. A sigh left his mouth, “Please don’t worry about it, Y/N…I thought everything through. I wanted you to have a good day.”

You couldn’t understand. A few months ago, Hyunjin let go of everything just so it wouldn’t risk his job, and now he was willingly doing this? What changed? Was it that he noticed your desperation to leave and thought he was at fault? Was he doing this all out of guilt, because he asked you to stay? You wouldn’t get any answers out of him right now, so you just decided to enjoy the chocolate croissant. 

“I am having a good day, don’t worry.” You remembered, “By the way I saw some shops out front. They had a lot of merchandise with familiar faces on them…”

“Oh no. What did you see?” He laughed, covering his face in his hands. He was so cute. You smiled, trying not to get distracted by how adorable he looked, “It was cool but I just… couldn’t wrap my head around it. How does it feel having your face literally everywhere?”

He took a long sip of his cappuccino, “Well…it takes some getting used to, but after a point you do.”

“I don’t think I could get used to my face being plastered everywhere, and people having it in their homes and stuff? It makes me anxious just thinking about it” You shuddered at just the thought, “You’re very brave.”

“Well, yeah you’d have your artwork in people’s homes instead.” He shrugged. You looked up at him, surprised, “That’s so far in the future, I can’t comprehend that”

“Maybe I could be your first buyer” He leaned back in his chair, “Would youu sell me one of your paintings for…a half a million won?”

“If you spend that much money on my shitty paintings, people would definitely think you’re sleeping with the artist.” You mumbled. He lift the mug to his mouth, eyes on yours over the rim, as he drank, “I suppose.”

If you could record your heartbeat in the moment, it’d cross inhumane levels surely. You stared at him, fighting the urge to smile, “Unfortunately, you’re fresh out of luck. All my paintings are in the trash as of last week…including the one I was actually proud of…the one I was working on for the prize.”

He grimaced, “Can I ask you what that painting was about?”

“Um. It was just based off this scientific theory… it’s silly.” You felt shy explaining the concept — it was completely inspired by the things Hyunjin had told you in the comfort of the night skies of Daejon. He frowned, putting away his food, “Tell me”

“I remember you telling me that there weren’t any stars in the city, and I was wondering…what would happen if there weren’t any for real. At all. In the world.”

He seemed intrigued, “And what did you find?”

“Just a bunch of theories, but… it’d make the universe a pretty bleak place. Most life would cease to exist…and I was trying to paint the ruins of the universe, or what would be left when everything was gone. I was trying out this new watercolour technique, for it to be abstract enough that it was up for interpretation but also concrete enough that…people felt despair when they looked at it.”

“That’s…depressing.” He blinked. You laughed, “I guess. You inspired me, I suppose.”

“Well, it seems like that painting would have been really beautiful. I’m sorry you lost it, but…I don’t understand why you threw the others away. I thought…you liked keeping all your old paintings, and holding onto those memories…”

For some reason you found yourself being so truthful with him, digging deep into your psyche to how you felt, “Man, I don’t know…everything in my life kind of feels stupid and meaningless right now. I wasted years of my life trying to get into that apprenticeship, only to basically be kicked out one semester in… it’s funny. And now I’m sitting in my apartment in my dream city with nothing to do. I guess holding onto things just feels stupid now. There’s no point. I don’t even feel like painting anymore.”

“You… shouldn’t feel that way, Y/N.” He suddenly sounded so sad, looking at you. You couldn’t find it in yourself to be sad anymore, you’d already lost everything. You shrugged, “It’s fine honestly… I’m sure I’ll eventually find some new dream to die over. I’m obsessive like that. I know there’s something out there…that’s meant for me. Probably.” The conversation seemed to have changed the mind though so you apologised, “Sorry for killing the mood.”

“You didn’t.” He responded instantly, and there was a deep emotion in his eyes that you couldn’t place. You’d seen glimpses of it before, in moments when he’d kissed you, when you’d talk to him back in Daejon, but you’d never seen it like this. It was ever-present now, and prominent, like he wasn’t trying to hide it anymore. Your eyes traveled over his face, and he was gazing at you in a way that made you want to curl up into yourself. It was too much.  

You bit into the croissant, aware of the messy chocolate on your lips, and glanced in the window hoping to catch a bit of your reflection. You wanted to make sure you looked fine, especially sitting across someone who looked perfect, croissant crumbs on his lips. No wonder his face was in every shop here. You were seriously sitting across Hyunjin on a rooftop cafe in Seoul, for real. It felt like a dream. This wasn’t a date. Yet everything about it felt like one. It was hard to wrap your head around this reality. Hyunjin was draped in sunset light and casually sipped his coffee, looking at you like that — like he was simultaneously trying to figure you out, and like you also held all the answers to the universe.The sky was a beautiful hue of pink and orange, casting a bright glow over the entire top floor. He looked out the window, and you observed him, and then he swiftly reached into his little book bag, taking out a camera. He must want to capture the beauty of the sunset, but instead he surprised you, “Can I please take a picture of you?”

You stiffened up, “Right now..?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, pushing his sunglasses up so he could look through the camera viewfinder. You glanced at your reflection again, and you looked fine but your lipgloss was smudged. You felt conscious, “Do you mind if I fix my lip—”

“No” He immediately interrupted, sitting up, “I mean… Don’t fix it, please. I like it the way it is.”

You frowned, “But it’s all messy…”

“I know.” 

His gaze pierced yours, sending shivers down your spine. And hell, you were supposed to be mad at him for a million things but you don’t think anybody had ever made you feel this beautiful before and he hadn’t even said anything. It was just the way he looked at you, the depth of his gaze, the intensity in his expression and his eagerness to capture you like this.

“Oh…okay” You nodded, and his lips spread into a satisfied smile. He lift the camera up, snapping a few and you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You wish you were capturing the way Hyunjin looked at you instead. You could be a hundred years old and never get tired of that expression. His smile had given way to concentration, and he continued taking pictures of you. You wonder if you would ever get used to how he made you feel. 

You think all of this had to mean something. You weren’t stupid. He’d been flirting with you the entire day, and you hadn’t stopped him, or questioned it. After all, his way of talking didn’t feel like anything new. It was just how he used to be with you. Every compliment spoken so… easily and tenderly. After being away from his adoration for months, it felt like being plunged into an ice-cold bath. He had no qualms about being too direct or straightforward. He wasn’t sugarcoating anything. Had he finally given up on the charade of not wanting you in his life? Because right now, you were very much in his life. He put the camera down as if he’d heard your private thoughts, “Thank you for today. I was worried before that I had somehow ruined everything…” He paused, as if he was struggling with his thoughts, “With you. I know I dug myself into that hole…but…it feels good to be here with you. Feels like nothing changed since summer.”

Your heart constricted at those words, making you feel uneasy, but you smiled, because he seemed so happy in the moment. Except you didn’t want it to be like summer anymore though. Summer was beautiful, but it wasn’t enough. You desired and wanted more. You needed more of him with you, on you, in you, and now…after everything that had happened, after today, you somehow felt brave enough to not shy away from it.

»»————-

Your little evening with Hyunjin had already ruined you. You’d been home for just a few hours, and you’d already started reliving the events in your mind. You hadn’t even taken off the jacket he bought you, even though it would get crumpled the longer you wore it. You tried to distract yourself by cooking dinner so the scent of food could fill your apartment instead, but it still couldn’t rival the lingering fragrance of his cologne that clung to the jacket draped over your chair. 

Only an hour had passed and you gave up trying to distract yourself and sat on your bed, staring at the ceiling. You knew you shouldn’t be thinking about him, and you should probably try to protect your heart. You knew you should probably take off this jacket that cost hundreds. You’d worked so hard to try to move on but now that he was fighting to be in your life, it was like all your efforts had been for nothing. You ended up pulling up his videos, watching all of his performances from years and years ago, seeing the way he grew over time into the performer he was. All of the comments were in love with him. Millions, just like you, watching him in their bedrooms. You knew for sure, that you couldn’t let things go back to what they were: just fleeting moments of passion, and waiting on the edge of your seat for the next kiss. You knew now, that you needed something real from him.  You’d changed and pretending that your feelings hadn’t deepened in his absence would only be a useless task. 

»»————-

There was a voicemail in your inbox from Kairi. It had been a few days since you’d gone out with Hyunjin, and he’d unwittingly inspired you to step the fuck out of your apartment. You’d been walking through the market, browsing the collections of knick-knacks and shops, trying to find something Felix and Minho would really like. You wanted to mail stuff home that reminded you of them. You pressed your phone to your ear, trying to hear Kairi’s voicemail over the noise of the streets. She started out saying, “Hey, Y/N. I tried calling you, but I think you were busy so I just thought I’d leave you a message, and you can get back to me whenever. I know a lot is going on with you, and I haven’t exactly been the best friend I could have. I’m sorry, I guess I was still trying to readjust to having Chris back in my life.”

The electronics store you stepped into was huge, spanning almost five different floors, featuring tech that you hadn’t even heard of. The aisles were full of inventions and gadgets that Daejon could only even dream of. Kairi’s voicemail continued, “So what I was getting at is that there’s a…dinner party at my apartment. It’s…sort of an annual thing, I do it every year. My parents used to host them, but I've been doing them ever since they moved out. It’s fancy for no reason at all, but I love doing it because it’s a tradition? It’s not a lot of people, usually just me, the boys, and some of Chan’s friends. I’m going to make a six-course meal, and that sounds crazy. I guess it is, but I like doing it. Anyway, I guess this is just a long-winded way of me saying that…I would really like if you were there.”

You stopped in the middle of the aisle, listening to her continue, “I know that probably sounds like a lot for you, and… I’ve had these parties each year and I never really invite anybody, because it’s just…a really small gathering. The boys have been overworked too, so this would be perfect for them. I completely understand if you don’t want to come, but please consider it. I really want you there, and…you can bring Nate. I know that might put you at ease. Just think about it and let me know.”

Despite how warm her invitation made you feel, it was this Saturday. The same night you were going out with Nate. You had already long promised him you’d be his plus-one to the wedding reception. He was your friend and you couldn’t bail on him, no matter how much you craved to see Hyunjin and Kairi, and the others. Meeting him would just have to wait.

»»————-

Jeonghan’s arm fit perfectly on your waist, and he was all smiles as he introduced you to the rest of his family. Surprisingly, you weren’t nervous about tonight at all. His presence brought you ease. You’d bought a new dress, the color of cherries, a bow decorating the back, hoping it would match the vibe of everybody else at the reception. It made you feel confident enough to tackle tonight. It was a cold night, and the dress fell to your thighs, but nobody else seemed to care about the weather as they danced in strappy tops, and short skirts. Jeonghan, on the other hand, made you feel confident too. He’d proudly introduced you to everyone, and for a while there, it almost felt like you were going out together. He leaned into your ear, breath warm on your neck, “So, how are we feeling?”

You spoke through a smile, watching the guests on the dance floor, “Well. I’ve certainly never been to a wedding reception this fancy…people here really spend money on everything.”

He shook his head, “Nope. They just like to show that they can.” You glanced at him, “You know you are talking about your own family, right?” You had known Jeonghan was well-off, but truthfully, you never knew he was this wealthy. The wedding reception had been grand, and ice sculptures decorated each table setting. It was all a bit much, you could appreciate the grandeur though. He rolled his eyes, “Mum and dad have been planning this day their whole lives. I’m surprised they didn’t fly us all out to an island in the Bahamas.”

“Well, I would’ve loved to be your plus-one for that.” You laughed. He shrugged, “Who knows? Maybe for my wedding."

It was a beautiful location anyway, even if it wasn’t the Bahamas. An outdoor garden setting, hundreds of twinkling lights lit up the trees, and a dance floor where all the guests were letting loose, clearly very tipsy. You looked up at the canopy of trees, which were decorated with lush wildflowers, “Those alone must have cost you millions of won.”

“Much like your company tonight” He mumbled. You laughed, looking at him, “Whatever do you mean?”

He turned to face you, both hands grabbing you by the waist, “You know I really thought you’d ditch me tonight. Don’t you have your friend’s dinner party tonight?”

“Well…you asked me first. I made you a promise. I happen to be a good friend.”

Jeonghan smiled prettily, and he looked handsome today in the tuxedo, his hair swept back. He pulled you closer, hands on your bare back, “Thank you. Tonight would have sucked without you.”

“It’s your sister’s wedding. That’s not very nice to say” You frowned, teasing him. He chuckled, “Precisely. It’s her wedding, and I had no say on the guest list. You’re the only one I picked to be here tonight.”

You smiled, uncaring of the fact that you were in a very public space with almost all his relatives watching your intimate exchange, “I’m honored to be there for you.”

His eyes drifted over you, cheeks darkening, “You really do look pretty tonight. The other guy is definitely missing out.”

You rolled your eyes, the mention of Hyunjin stinging you a little bit, but all the wine you’d consumed tonight made it more bearable. 

“Nate, honey, can you come here a second?” An older woman interrupted, stepping over to you. One of the guests, who he’d introduced to you as his aunt, smiled at the two of you, “I’m sorry to interrupt. I need your help with something, sweetie.”

Unwillingly, Jeonghan let go of you, fingers brushing the bow on your back as he did. “I’ll be back in a minute, I promise.” He spoke. You laughed, “Don’t worry. Take your time.”

He leaned in, pressing a cheek to your kiss before following his aunt through the crowd. You smiled as he left whilst complaining about whatever task she put him up to. Being here with Jeonghan felt intimate, but it was never uncomfortable. You felt relaxed around him and his family, and he never pushed your boundaries. The reception had also been beautiful, and even though you didn’t know the wedding couple, the hopeless romantic in you craved for the kind of love they held. They’d been high school sweethearts, and the idea of that itself felt crazy to you. How must it feel to be so sure of your choice, and to have been in love for so long? You held your purse tightly, watching the couples on the dance floor. It was sweet. It was only ten minutes until Jeonghan was running back to you, “I’m sorry that took me so long. She wanted me to take pictures of her. Again!”

You laughed, “She must think you’re a real good photographer.” He rolled his eyes, “She just wants a new Facebook profile picture. I think I need more tequila.”

“That doesn’t sound like a smart idea.” You mumbled. He tugged at your hand, pulling you to the open bar, “Just one more wouldn’t hurt.”

You gave in since this was his party after all and you were only a guest, letting him lead you as he ordered you both a round of shots. He leaned against the bar, rolling his sleeves up and admittedly that made him look hot. You glanced at your phone, noticing a few messages from Kairi. You don’t know why you expected a text from Hyunjin, but in your hurry, you’d stupidly left your other phone at home. The one he bought you, where he’d text and call you. After all, keeping track of two phones was hard.

After a quick round of shots, you settled on the bar stools, watching all his drunk relatives, laughing about the stories he told you about them. The hours passed, and you were both tipsy, sitting so close at the bar. You could have easily kissed him. But you couldn’t stop thinking about Hyunjin. It’s like Jeonghan knew that too. He was holding your face, thumb brushing against your mouth as he mumbled in a drunk-haze, “You know what I think?"

"Hmm?"

"I think you should really get to that dinner, Y/N. I’ll be fine here.”

“I can’t leave you alone. I promised you.” You spoke. He laughed, “And I’m glad you came, but…wouldn’t your friend feel bad if you don’t show up?”

“She knows I have…prior obligations. They wouldn’t miss me.” You frowned, and suddenly the anxiety was back in your stomach. You were a little tired, and the thought of showing up at the dinner, where Hyunjin would definitely be, paralyzed you. Yet you also told Kairi you’d try your best to make it, even if only for a little while to grab dessert and you had to be a good friend to her too. Jeonghan nodded, “Just show up for her. I’m sure she would want you there. Plus, you look…really hot tonight. It’d be a waste to only wear that dress in front of my traditional old relatives. I’ll call you a taxi, okay?”

He was right. The formalities of the reception was over and now it was probably just going to be a never-ending party until dawn. It would be nice to see Kairi and the others tonight, even if you weren’t mentally prepared for it at all. You hadn’t thought you’d get a chance to get there at all. You cracked a smile at his consideration, looking up at him, “I guess I should get going now, if I want to make it in time for dessert. Only because you’re forcing me.”

Jeonghan nodded, helping you jump off the bar stool, and you looked back at the reception party. Everybody was having so much fun, you wish you could stay the entire night. You let Jeonghan lead you to the street, where the taxi waited for you. He thanked you for showing up and kissed you a short goodbye. When you sat in the taxi, you sent Kairi a simple text that you were on your way, and you hope that you were still welcome there.

»»————-

Of course things weren't going to go your way. The cab driver dropped you off on the wrong street, and after a long struggle in your kitten-heels you finally made it to Kairi’s doorstep. The cold had definitely sobered you up a bit, bringing back your nervousness about being here, but Kairi had clearly felt comfortable enough to have you over so you’d suck it up. Her place was inside a lavish apartment complex, and you rang the doorbell, waiting impatiently. Your stomach was already twisting at the prospect of meeting everyone, and at seeing him again. It was Chan who answered the door, and for a second it felt like you had no idea what to say, until he grinned, “You’re here!” He stepped forward and pulled you into a half-hug, on his doorstep. You were taken aback, definitely not expecting the physical contact. After all this was only your second time meeting him, but you bought your arm up, hugging him back briefly. His hair was curly, and he smelled nice. It was all you registered before he stepped back, inviting you in. 

“I’m sorry I’m so late. I was at a wedding…” You began to explain, and he shook his head, curls bouncing, “Don’t apologise! Kairi told me you had plans already so no hard feelings. We’re just glad you could make it in time…let me take your coat.”

He grabbed it from you, hooking it on a coat hanger as you looked around. It was a decently sized place, far bigger than your apartment. A set of stairs led to another floor. Dinner must have been really good, because you could still smell the aromas. Chan said, “And…I’ve been wanting to say this for a while, but sorry for my behaviour the last time we met, at Kairi’s birthday. I was really drunk and emotional, I’m not usually like that.”

“No, you were just really fucking desperate.” Kairi’s voice interrupted, and she ran over to you, pulling you into a tight hug. Relief surged through you at seeing her here. She looked beautiful, in a midnight blue corset, and high-waisted black pants to match and you smiled at her, “You look so good. Thank you for having me over. ”

“Me?” She laughed, raising an eyebrow, “Look at you. You’re all dolled up, like a fairy.”

“I’m really sorry I missed dinner. It smells amazing.” You frowned. She sighed dramatically, “I missed you to death, but I’ll live. This just means we need to do another one of these soon. Come on, everybody’s in there!”

Before you could mentally prepare, she’d pulled you into another room, Chan following behind. You tried to register everything. It was a cosy living room, ambient purple and orange lighting cast over everything. A popular pop song was playing at a low volume in the background. There was a lot of seating, a couch, and a bunch of unique, colourful chairs surrounded the coffee table. There seemed to be a lot of people in the room, and maybe that last round of shots had been a bad idea as you tried to register all of their faces. They were all busy in conversation, wine glasses in hand, not having noticed you yet, and you hoped it stayed like so. That way, you could just slip into conversation with no embarrassing announcement of your arrival. This was the first time you’d be meeting the band. There were two other people here that you didn’t recognise. They were both dressed casually, in cargo pants and a white beanie, and you felt a bit overdressed. “They’re some of Chan’s friends, and they work with the band. That’s Hanbin and that’s Sunmi.” Kairi leaned in to whisper. Somebody in the corner was playing the piano, a beautiful low melody, and Kairi tapped him on the shoulder, saying, “Hey. She’s here.”

Immediately, he stopped playing. Jisung — the one on the piano — burst into a smile and stood up, “Shit. You’re actually like, here!” He pulled you into a hug, just like Chan had, and they must all be touchy or very drunk. As he stepped back, he continued smiling, extending a hand, “Han Jisung, by the way.”

“We’ve met before…kind of.” You said, meeting his hand with yours. Realisation sank into his face, and all his expressions were exaggerated as he nodded, “Right, right, we have. In the company building when I dropped all your coins at the vending machine…I was an idiot.”

“When are you not?” Somebody joined you, slinging a strong arm around Jisung. You recognized him from the pictures, “Hey, Y/N…You must know who I am, right?” Changbin had a coy smile on his face, dressed in a navy button-up that only he could probably make look this good. You smiled at him, “Yeah, I do. It’s nice to meet you in person.”

He smiled, gesturing to someone, “I don’t think you’ve met Hanbin.” At those words, the boy you didn’t know stood from the couch, and you regretted pulling them out of their comfortable conversation circle, “Oh, you don’t need to get up for me.”

In the midst of the chaos and onslaught of introductions, your eyes finally found Hyunjin. He was standing by the couch, a drink in his hand, at the far end of the room, laughing about something with a girl — who was probably Sunmi. Your stomach jumped, goosebumps rippling up your entire body. He looked absolutely fucking insane. In a good way, in the best way. His hair was tied up into a low ponytail, but strands of hair fell into his face, framing it perfectly. The purple light cast rhythmic shadows on his face. He stood in a black sweater, and tight denim-wash jeans, one hand tucked into his pocket. He was only standing in a living room, but he could just as easily have been posing for a Vogue photoshoot, by his perfect stance. He hadn’t realized you were here yet, or maybe he was pretending to not notice. You didn’t have time to think about it before Hanbin stepped ahead, blocking him from your view, “Kairi would not stop talking about you the past three hours.”

You flushed, “Oh… I wish I could have been here for the entire dinner. Knowing her, it must have been great.”

“We did save you some.” Chan added. You murmured a thank you, feeling dizzy from all the attention. They were almost all talking over each other, and you were already so overwhelmed. Jisung gestured to you, “Grab a drink and sit with me.”

“No, let her eat first. Baby, you mind heating up the leftovers for Y/N?” Kairi asked Chan. You shook your head, “Please, there’s no need for that. I don’t want to be an inconvenience.”

Kairi rolled her eyes, “Girl, you’re my guest of honor.” Chan smiled at you, “You can follow me.” 

So, you went with him into the hallway, passing by a doorway. A door was left ajar, a glimpse into a room. It was only half a second, but you saw a wooden bed frame and a sliver of a wall of art, “Is that Kairi’s room?”

Chan shook his head, “It used to be, but she made it into a guest bedroom. Hyunjin mostly sleeps in there now. Come on. The kitchen’s through here.” He said, his strong voice guiding you through the corridor. “Right, sorry,” you said, turning away from the door and following him to the kitchen. The kitchen was big too, and set up beautifully, with marble countertops and a small kitchen island. Chan reached into the sink, rummaging through some dirty dishes, “Sorry. We’ve been meaning to run the dishwasher. Kairi kind of goes crazy at these dinners.”

You leaned against the counter, “That’s fine. No judgement.”

“Thank you.” He laughed, looking over his shoulder at you, “We’re usually much more organized than this, I promise.”

“You have a lot on your plate already, Chan. I completely understand.” You told him, with a smile. He laughed, “You’re sweet. I’m just heating up some of the chicken and fondant potatoes for you. That good?”

“Could I actually have some water? If… that’s okay” You asked. He smiled, “Of course it is. Make yourself at home. There are some clean mugs in the cabinet. You can just grab one and help yourself.” You walked around the island, opening up the cabinet. Mugs of different shapes and sizes were arranged precisely in there, and Kairi’s unique taste was definitely recognisable. A cerulean blue mug made of porcelain rested in the very back. You rather get a mug they sparsely used, so you reached for it, pulling it out. Pushing it under the tap, you began filling it with water. Chan glanced at you and your selection, “Oh. That’s Hyunjin’s favorite.”

You stilled, “Oh. Sorry. Should I pick another?”

Of course it fucking was. Why did you have to pick that one amongst all of them? “No, no, go ahead. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” Chan smiled, pushing a button to start the dishwasher and then crossed his arms towards you, “I’ll just go see if the guys need any more drinks.”

“Sure.” You responded, taking a slow sip from the mug, and the knowledge that it was his favourite mug made you feel jittery. Doing all those shots before coming to see Hyunjin had been a terrible idea. You grabbed your water and held it tight, returning to the living room, where you could hear loud laughter from. They were all back in conversation, and Changbin was imitating a silly dance, making Hyunjin laugh. You stood under the archway, watching them. A few seconds went by, and Hyunjin was still laughing, crinkled eyes, and he reached up to tuck his hair back absentmindedly, and that’s when he saw you.

You don’t know what you were expecting. He stilled, eyes widening, trailing off in the middle of his conversation. He really hadn’t known you had arrived. His lips formed a small smile, and that was so fucking attractive, and from across the room, he mouthed, “Hey.”

The tension within you dissipated. You had to fight your smile, feeling lovestruck and lovesick by a smile word. All he said was hi. Then why did your knees already feel weak? Why did it feel like the first time you had seen him, unable to comprehend anything except his absolutely, insane beauty? You shot him a soft smile, mouthing back, “Hey.”

He sidestepped his friends, walking over to you, and you felt shy under his intense gaze. His stance was casual and so confident, and in another universe you could imagine meeting him at a college party like this. “You came.” He spoke, and you tilt your head up to look him in the eyes, “Yeah. I did.”

His eyes fell to the mug in your hands, and you realised there was a lipstick stain on it. Your lipstick stain. On his stuff. You apologised, “Um, sorry, Chan said I can—”

“Don’t worry” He interrupted too quick, eyes flickering over your form, “How are you?”

You’d already decided this was your time to be brave, and you weren’t going to hold back tonight, “I’m okay. I’ve been wanting to reach out to you and I—” 

“So, what took you so long tonight?” Hanbin asked, stepping up to the two of you. You glanced at him, wishing he hadn’t interrupted you but he was being polite so you spoke, “Oh, I was at a wedding reception. I promised my friend I’d be his date.”

“Ahh. That’s why you’re dressed up so pretty. Was it a good reception?” He asked. You smiled at his compliment, “Yeah. I…had a great time actually. It was definitely a fancy event.”

“Can I see the pictures? Please tell me you took some!” Kairi asked, overhearing the conversation. She was perched on Chan’s lap, and you shot Hyunjin an apologetic smile, you’d just have to speak to him later and you handed your phone over to her, “Yeah, actually I did. Jeonghan is kind of obsessed with taking pictures, so we took a lot.”

She scrolled through your gallery, and Jisung leaned in over her shoulder, catching a glimpse of the pictures too, “Wow. That shit looks…expensive.Your friend’s loaded.”

You laughed, “I guess his family is pretty rich.”

“He took a lot of pictures of just you.” Kairi teased, scrolling through, “I mean, I don’t blame him. You look like you stepped out of a fairytale.”

“Um. You should have seen the bride.” You laughed. Jisung was still nosily peeking into your phone, “So, who’s Jeonghan?”

“He’s a…friend.” You explained, while Chan handed you a drink. It seemed like one of his famous cocktails Hyunjin had told you about, but nothing could beat the drink he had made you on his last night in Daejon. Despite how much you wanted to try this, you really didn’t want to be drunk tonight, “Um…I shouldn’t. I already drank more than I should have tonight.”

“I mean, objectively, the best thing about weddings is the open bars,” Changbin pointed out. You laughed, “You’re right and Jeonghan used that same excuse to force me through five rounds of tequila.”

Jisung’s eyes widened, “You’re fucking kidding me. You must have a high tolerance if you’re so sober after five shots.”

“I think the walk in the cold definitely contributed to that” You joked, and then explained due to his perplexed look, “I must have put in the wrong location because the cab driver dropped me off a few blocks away.”

“In those shoes? I would have given up.” Changbin asked.

“So you took a cab alone?” Hyunjin suddenly asked. Your gaze darted to him, surprised he’d spoken up and you hadn’t realised how much you’d insanely missed his delicate voice. You nodded, “Um, yeah.”

“Your… friend sent you here in a cab when you were drunk and by yourself?”

“I mean…yeah. It wasn’t a big deal.”

“Nate couldn’t have dropped you here?” He asked. You frowned, “It’s not like I was gonna ask him to bring me here, it was his family’s party.” His eyebrows shot up, “Isn’t he rich? I’m sure he could have figured out a way.”

“These pictures are beautiful,” Kairi spoke, cutting the tension in the room as she handed you your phone back. You were staring at Hyunjin, and at his misplaced concern. Changbin had also clearly picked up on it, because he nudged him in the stomach, “If you were so worried about her, you should have offered to pick her up.”

Hyunjin took a sip of his drink, nonchalant face, “I did.”

Your eyes widened. When did he offer that? You showed your honest surprise, “I… didn’t know.”

The room was quiet, and Jisung chuckled, “Must be the first girl in history to ignore your texts, Jinnie”. 

The others laughed, but Hyunjin genuinely looked hurt that you hadn’t taken him up on his offer. In all truth, you never saw that text. If you did, you would have said yes. You’d forgotten the phone he gave you at your bedside table, and you couldn’t be blamed for not being able to keep track of it when so much was going on. You shook your head, “No, I just…had a lot on my mind, I was with Jeonghan the whole day, I must have missed it.”

Your response satisfied the room, but seemed to be the wrong answer for Hyunjin by the slight hurt in his eyes that only you noticed. It sucked because the last thing you wanted to do was make him feel like that tonight.

“So how do you know Kairi?” Hanbin asked, smiling attentively at you. You couldn’t focus, hoping Hyunjin wasn’t genuinely hurt and spoke, “Oh…it was just a coincidence. I met her in a bar.” Kairi nodded along, “And she offered to give me her jacket! Some fucking loser had thrown his drink on me.”

Hanbin laughed, adjusting his beanie, “I see. I see...So I take it you’re not a fan then?”

“Sorry?”

“You ain’t heard these guys’ music before?” He gestured towards the boys. You nodded, realising he was asking if you liked the band “Oh, some of it, yeah.”

“Oh, you’re hurting my feelings, Y/N.” Changbin pouted. Sunmi rolled her eyes, “No, it’s a breath of fresh air to see you not fawning over them. I like you already.”

Oh, if only she knew how much you did obsess over one of them. She would be concerned for you, if she could read your mind around him. You forced a smile, “I just honestly… hadn’t heard of it until a few months ago.”

Her eyes widened, “You’re kidding. How do you live in Seoul and not hear of them?” Then Chan leaned forward, adding to explain to you, “Sunmi’s one of our producers, by the way. She’s been with us since our second album. One of the best.”

“And Y/N isn’t a local.” Kairi added, “She moved here a while ago.”

“Yeah the music scene back home is….not the biggest.” You said briefly, not wanting to talk about yourself too much. You had been hoping to blend in, not be the centre of attention tonight and Sunmi asked, “And where is… back home?”

“Okay! A pause on the questions. I need Y/N for something.” Kairi interrupted, coming over to you and leaned in to whisper, “Wanna come with me to the kitchen? I’m getting another drink.”

You nodded, relieved she could pick up on your body language. As soon as you were out of earshot of the living room, she mumbled, “I’m sorry. They ask you a lot of questions. I don’t want you to feel like you’re being interrogated.”

“No, I don’t mind, I’m just kind of tired and feel like I may not be at my best social energy right now.” You apologised, leaning against the counter, as she made a cocktail for herself. Her eyes wandered over you, “You really do look beautiful. I love the glitter eyeshadow.”

“You like my bow?” You smiled, twirling to show her. She laughed, “It’s the cherry on top. So, how was it tonight with Nate? As far as I remember…. he has the biggest crush on you, or he’s just a very sincere… fuckboy.”

“Regardless…I had a really good time with him.” You said, running your finger along the marble slab. You could hear Jisung and Changbin’s loud laughter from the other room. They seemed like a lot of fun, and you definitely wanted to relax for the rest of the night. You wanted them to like you too, so perhaps you could do with a little liquid courage. As if she read your mind, Kairi finished mixing her drink then tilt her head, “You suuure you don’t want one?”

But every other time you’d gotten tipsy around Hyunjin, you’d ended up doing something stupid. “No, I…think I’ll stick with water.” You decided. She let out a sigh, taking a sip of her vodka, “Did you two kiss tonight?”

“Me and Jeonghan…?” You were surprised at the question. She hummed, “Yeah, sorry if that was weird to ask. I just know…things between you and Hyunjin…aren’t the best.”

“Did you hear us? The other night in the car?” You ended up asking, even though it was embarrassing for you to bring up that argument. She looked up at you, “Bits and pieces.”

“And what’d you think?” You bit your lip. She sighed, “I think you both…have a lot of pent-up feelings. It’s good you got them out.”

“It felt…immature to fight him. I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I’m usually not…that vocal”

“There was nothing wrong with what you said. I mean, trust me, I’ve had a hell of a lot more aggressive fights with Chris. We end up saying a lot of stuff we don’t mean.”

“Well, that’s the thing. I meant everything. I don’t really regret any of it.”

“Then he needed to hear that.” Kairi agreed, “I didn’t know he cut you off like that completely. I would have been devastated if I was you. I’d say you handled it pretty well… Hyunjin doesn’t really talk to me about you, and I wish I could be more helpful. How do you feel now?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know if I mentioned it to you, but he took me shopping last week… I don’t know how I feel about it. It felt a lot like a date, but it wasn’t. I just…wish I had some surety from him, you know?”

Her hand landed on yours comfortingly, “Well, you don’t have to decide right now. I’m just glad you chose to come tonight.”

“Are you girls gonna spend the entire night gossiping without us?” Jisung interrupted. You turned and saw him in the kitchen doorway, arms crossed. You hope he didn’t overhear anything. Kairi laughed, “What do you need?”

Jisung grinned widely, “Well, actually. I was gonna go get ice from the fridge upstairs, if any of you want to accompany me for that? Make you feel helpful.”

“I could come with.” You offered, smiling at him. He did a small fist pump, “Exactly the outcome I was hoping for. No offence, Kair”

As you followed him up the stairs to the storage room, he reminded you, “Be careful, your heels. I’ve fallen face-first on these steps more times than I’d admit.” 

Your heart warmed at his concern, and you grabbed the bannister to keep your balance.“Cool place though, right?” He asked, looking back at you as you observed the framed pictures on the wall and he continued, “Me and the boys used to spend a lot of our weekends here.”

“Oh? That must have been nice….” You walked into a storage room, of sorts. A mini-fridge stood in the corner and Jisung pulled it open, grabbing the ice box as he looked back at you, “Yeah. Kairi got so sick of having us over, she ended up turning her study into another guest room.”

“Of course she did.” You laughed, “Do you still come here often?”

He shook his head, reaching for more ice, “After Chan and Kairi broke up, we obviously stopped for a while, but… I’m hoping to get back to normal. Couldn’t be more thrilled that they’re back together.”

“Me too. They seem pretty…perfect for each other.” You smiled. He stood up straight, his ribbed top riding up, and you looked away. All of them were so attractive it was hard to comprehend such a pretty friend group existed. He grinned at you, “I should thank you for that.”

“Me? I… didn’t do anything” 

“Do you mind holding this?” He handed you the ice box momentarily, “Well, Hyunjin told me that you helped them meet up at her birthday.”

“Oh. Right.” You nodded, gripping it within your hands and it was freezing, condensation making it slip in your palms, “I…guess I did.” You had the urge to ask him what else he talked about with him, but this was your first time meeting Jisung, and that would be weird to ask. “Sure sounded like a fun party. Hyunjin told me you organise those a lot.” Jisung continued, taking back the ice box from you, “And tell me about it downstairs. I would love to talk to you in this storage room all night, but… let’s get this ice to them before all of it melts, and before Changbin threatens to kill me again.”

Back in the living room, the music seemed louder when you returned, and Hyunjin was engaged in an intense conversation with Sunmi and Changbin. Kairi was showing Chan something on her phone. You settled on a seat, and Jisung naturally pulled up a chair to be closer to you. He clinked his drink with yours, before he took a big mouthful, cheeks full of the liquid before swallowing. “So…what was I saying?” Jisung asked, dropping his voice so only you could hear him. You took a sip of your water, already feeling more at ease around him, “About how I’m a really great party planner.”

He smiled, “Right. That. Have you ever thought of doing that professionally?”

You laughed, “Honestly, I don’t know what Hyunjin was talking about. I’ve only organised two parties in my life…my best friend's and Kairi’s…they both ended in a disaster.”

“You’re too hard on yourself, I’m sure.” Jisung rolled his eyes, “So… he also happened to mention you’re real good at art. Can I see some of it or are you going to be shrouded in mystery forever?”

You giggled, reaching for your phone, “There is absolutely nothing mysterious about that, Jisung. You can see it, but… it’s not the best.”

He peeked into your phone gallery as you showed him a few paintings you’d made over the past few years, and Jisung probably wasn’t interested in art, but he still smiled, reacting overtly to each of them and even pointing out which ones he liked. He reminded you a lot of Yeonjun in that sense, where he took interest in something just because of his friends. He was playful, and it was nice to see the physical manifestation of all the stories Hyunjin told you about. You glanced up and Hyunjin was looking at you, probably curious about why you and Jisung were peeking into your phone, so you explained, “I was just showing him some of my paintings.”

He nodded, making brief eye contact with Jisung before he said, “Ah. I’m uh…going to check on the dessert.”

“Do you want my help?” You asked, already moving to stand up. He shook his head, “No, don’t worry. I wouldn’t wanna pull you away from the conversation.”

Disappointed, you settled back down, and Jisung spoke, “Can I ask you something, honestly though?”

“Yeah?”

“Why’d you leave your fancy wedding date to come here?”

“I…promised Kairi I’d try to make it here.” You replied, staring at the liquid in your glass. Jisung hummed, “Right, right. I see.” You were glad he didn’t push you further, seeing as how he was Hyunjin’s best friend and any answer you could come up with would be embarrassing. Before you could say anything further anyway, Changbin started talking about an incident on their trip to Japan, and you let yourself be swept up into the conversation. He was a great storyteller, and so charismatic. It wasn’t too hard to imagine why they were so famous. You’d only been here an hour or so, and you could listen to them talk for hours. Almost mesmerised by their dynamic, you watched the boys talk, losing track of time… and of how long Hyunjin had been gone. Your mug lay empty on the coffee table, and you stood up to refill it, when Changbin asked, “Where the fuck is Jinnie?”

“Probably hyper-fixating in the kitchen. Y/N, do you think you could call him out?” Jisung replied, looking at you expectantly. You blanked, feeling taken aback by the question. Kairi noticed, moving to stand, “Um, I can get—”

“No, that’s fine.” You spoke. You were braver than that and it would finally give you the chance to talk to him by yourself, “I can just get him.”

“Okay…” She settled back down, shooting you a comforting smile. You walked over to the kitchen, and your heels were so loud on the tiled floor that he’d definitely hear you coming. The door was closed, and you knocked lightly, not wanting to interrupt him. 

“Come in.” His voice carried to you. You pushed the door open, eyes falling on him. He was leaning against the counter, drinking from his glass, staring into nothing. Well. He was staring at the oven, but why was he alone in here? He looked over his shoulder, eyes flickering over your form, “Oh. Hey.”

You stood awkwardly by the door, hand holding it open, “Hi. Um. The guys were…asking for you. I thought you were getting dessert.” He looked around, at the mess of things, “I was. It’s still not ready, so I decided to wait for it. You can let them know I’ll be there soon.”

“Oh.” You spoke, wondering if you should leave… but you were curious, “You’ve been in here by yourself for really long.”

“Yeah. Just wanted to be by myself for a bit.”

A tinge of hurt hit you, “Oh…do you want me to leave?”

He let out a sigh, putting his glass on the counter, and turned to face you, “No…you don’t have to do that.”

“But…you just said you want to be by yourself.”

“Yeah.” He glanced at you, amused look on his face, “That…obviously doesn’t include you.”

You’d been standing on the threshold the entire time, but at those words, you stepped in, letting the door shut behind you. You looked around the little kitchen, “Sorry I used your mug.”

He chuckled, running a hand through his hair, “That’s fine. I’m surprised you ended up picking mine. Guess we like the same things.”

“You could say that.” You breathed, hands behind your back. His gaze felt so strong on you, and it was so quiet in here compared to the chaos of the outside. He smiled lightly, when you asked him, “So…what dessert are we having tonight?” 

He glanced at the oven, “A…strawberry tart. You like those?”

You thought about it, “I don’t know. I haven’t had one since I was a kid anyway.”

Hyunjin put his hands on the counter, tilting his head, “Really? Felix never baked one for you?”

“He was kind of obsessed with chocolate…I had too much of that.” You recalled. Hyunjin smiled, nodding, “Right. I remember trying out the treats he made us…when we went to the Creek for the swim.”

“Wow…that feels like it was ages ago.” You remembered. Hyunjin nodded, “It was. I guess. Feels like a lifetime ago.”

“Do you miss it?” You ended up asking. His expression softened, “I…do. Your friends were fun to hang out with.”

“Aren’t they your friends too?” You laughed. He shrugged cutely, “Right, but I don’t think I would’ve talked to anybody in town if it wasn’t for you.”

You smiled, “I think you’re giving me too much credit. That was all Hana. She’s the one who…introduced you to us.”

“You miss them? Your friends?” He asked. You sighed, leaning against the door, crossing your arms to keep warm as you thought about it, “Yeah. Recently I’ve missing home so much and my friends, well at this point they’re…like my family. It sucks being separated from them. Kind of like…how you felt when you were away from the boys.”

“I’m sorry if I forced you to stay.” He suddenly said, “I realize that…it may have been my emotionally clouded judgment, and I feel like… I guilted you into staying here. Maybe it was selfish of me.”

Your eyes narrowed, a realisation sinking in as to why he seemed a little distant, “Is that why you’re in here by yourself?”

He nodded, “Yeah. Just needed to take my mind off things. I guess honestly, I just…miss spending time with you, like we did back home. The other night, I was learning a new routine and realised you’ve never even seen me dance. Not in person, at least. I mean, isn’t that crazy? We’ve known each other so long, but there’s so much of me you don’t know. The thought freaked me out, and then…”

“And then?”

“Then I started thinking that it goes the other way too. There’s so much of you I still haven’t seen.” He said, “Like the other day, when you wore the jacket, I realised…I only know you in the summer. I haven’t seen you in winter."

Your heart squeezed at his confusing but thoughtful words, and you smiled, “I’m the same in all the seasons, Hyunjin.”

He was looking at you from across the room, “I don’t think that’s true.”

“Did you know I was coming here tonight?” 

He shook his head, “I didn’t think you would. Kairi told me you had a wedding date with Jeonghan…”

“Yeah, I did. He understands though…this was just as important.”

He nodded, “Right.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I would love to see you dance…if you feel comfortable.”

He looked at you at that, smiling slightly, before a short embarrassed laugh, “Yeah."

The oven let out a ding, interrupting whatever you might say. He smiled wide, and his demeanour already seemed lighter, “It’s done. Do you wanna do the honor?”

“Oh. Sure”. You stepped over to him,, and he pulled open the oven door. He was standing so close now that you could see the perspiration slide down his jaw, droplets cascading down neck, and he must have been nervous this whole time. You bent down to see into the oven, and it smelled amazing, but before you could grab the handle of the hot pan, you felt a firm grip on your arm stopping you, “Wait—”. 

Startled, you looked up at Hyunjin, his hand circling your wrist tightly, “What?”

His eyes searched yours, “It’s burning hot. Y/N. You’ll hurt yourself.”

You then realised you weren’t wearing any mitts, and you were just gonna grab the baking dish like so, with bare hands. How stupid. Your hair fell into your eyes, making it harder to see Hyunjin, but you mumbled a pathetic, “Oh.”

He reached out to tuck your hair behind your ear, then let out a chuckle, voice soft, “What were you thinking?” 

You swallowed, staring at his lips, “I wasn’t.”

He smiled, standing up tall, “I got this.”

Your face felt hot, and you were only a little mortified. Carefully, Hyunjin placed the baking dish on the kitchen counter, taking off his oven mitts; they were red and matched your dress. He nudged you, elbow against yours, “You wanna be the first one to try it? I’ll let you have an extra piece and if you end up liking it and want the whole thing, I can just tell the others I burnt the dish.”

You laughed, looking up at him, “You’d lie to your friends so I could have more pastry?”

A knock on the door pulled your attention to Chan. He peeked in, “Hey guys. Sorry, I don’t want to interrupt…but Hanbin’s leaving, so he wanted to say goodbye.”

“Oh. Of course” Hyunjin said, and you followed them out into the foyer, where Hanbin and Sumni stood in their winter coats already and everybody was gathered around them. Kairi was hugging them, when Hyunjin spoke, “You’re not staying for dessert? Come onn.”

Hanbin smiled apologetically, “Dude, it’s gonna snow again, and the traffic’s terrible. If we don’t leave now, we won’t make it home until morning.”

“Oh, you should still take some of the strawberry tart some with you” Kairi said, running back into the kitchen, “I have a few takeout containers.”

You looked at Sunmi, “You said traffic’s going to be bad?” She nodded, “Yeah, Seoul basically shuts down in bad weather. We don’t wanna risk it. It’ll only get worse, but …it was really nice meeting you tonight, Y/N.”

You glanced at Chan, realising they were probably right, and your stomach sank, “Oh. I guess I should probably get going too then.”

“What?” Jisung complained loudly, “You just got here.”

“We can drop you off.” Hanbin suggested, “Our car’s parked out front.”

Jisung let out a dramatic sigh. You didn’t really want to leave, you were just getting to warm up to Hyunjin, but you didn’t have a choice. If you didn’t leave, you could be stuck until tomorrow. You reached for your coat, “That sounds good Hanbin, as long as it’s not an inconvenience.”

Kairi walked back in with takeout boxes in hand, and her eyes narrowed, “What’s going on? Y/N’s leaving too?”

You slipped your coat on, tossing your hair out of it, “They said they could take me home. The snow’s piling up....” Kairi shook her head, “Nope. You’re not leaving.”

You laughed, stepping closer to grab her hand, “What do you mean? I don't want to leave but I I don’t exactly have a choice.”

She squeezed your hands, “Babe, you just got a few hours ago. Stay a while, and if things are still bad when you want to leave, you can just sleep in my guest bedroom. I mean, that’s what it’s for.”

You considered it, and then Changbin spoke, “See? You have no excuses. So if you still decide to leave now, that just means you hate us.”

You laughed, “Okay, I guess I can stay a little.”

Kairi squealed, pulling you into a hug. Your heart warmed at the idea that they all wanted to spend more time with you. It was only the first time you were meeting most of them, but they still reacted like that. It made you feel wanted. You’d only been craving that all this while. From the corner of your eye, you caught Hyunijn’s reaction. He wasn’t dramatically expressive, unlike Changbin or Jisung, who wore their emotions on their sleeve. Hyunjin was watching this exchange quietly from the corner, arms across his chest, leaning against a pillar. He seemed calm, like he was okay with whatever you ended up doing, but he was gazing at you so intently it made you want to stay just so he’d look at you like that the rest of the night.

»»————-

In a matter of an hour, the strawberry tart had been cut up and shared, and remnants lay on porcelain plates decorating the coffee table. Kairi had beautiful crockery. She had a beautiful home. She had beautiful friends. Changbin was funnier than you expected — Hyunjin had never talked about his humour before, and you were glad you were discovering it on your own now. He was also touchy, he’d find excuses to touch Hyunjin and Jisung every now and then, a giggle on his face when they unwittingly pushed him away. You’d only been here a few hours, but watching their dynamic unfolding was wonderful.

After Hanbin and Seonmi had left, you’d moved over to the couch, which was much more comfortable than your earlier seat, and Hyunjin had surprisingly stayed where he was…which happened to be right next to you. He was manspreading, leaning against the couch arm, a drink in his hand. The music playing was much softer now, so it was easier to have the conversations and listen to them, and Jisung was playing the piano again quietly. Kairi animatedly explained something to him, and Chan was just listening with a smile on his face, while he stroked her back. They were so cute it made you want to die. You snuck glances at Hyunjin to your right, every now and then. He was still calm as ever, but his cheeks were red from all the drinking. His hair was messier too, and it made him look hotter than you could ever imagine. It was hard to look him in the eye, when he looked this good, so you focused on everything else. You were so engaged in another one of Changbin’s crazy stories, you didn’t realize when you reached to pull your dress down, you accidentally put your hand on Hyunjin’s thigh.

You don’t know what you were thinking. You’d severely miscalculated the distance between you. It was only for a second, but he noticed. Of course he fucking noticed. Instantly, he tensed up, pausing in the middle of his sip. You wondered if he’d push it away. If he’d tell you to stop, or ask what you were doing. Instead, he lift the drink to his mouth like nothing happened. You pulled your hand back before anybody else noticed. It was only an accident after all.

Changbin’s attention was all on you; he’d been telling you about his favorite records and artists in the music industry. He was enjoying the strawberry tart Hyunjin baked, leaving crumbs behind, and paused to ask you, “So now that you’ve been here a while, what’s your favorite place in the city?” You tilt your head, mulling over it, “I’ll have to think about that…I haven’t seen all of it yet.”

“Nobody’s seen all of it, Y/N” Jisung rolled his eyes, punctuating it with a laugh, “Even though some of us have been here our whole lives.”

That was hard for you to comprehend. You knew every inch of Daejon, every rock, every tree, each house. You’d eaten at every restaurant, shopped in every boutique, and knew everybody. “This might be a stupid question but do you never feel like exploring more of it?” You asked. Changbin shrugged, “It’s not really possible. Nobody has the time or the energy, or the money.”

“Yeah.” Hyunjin spoke, surprising you. You glanced at him, and he paused from drinking to address you, “I feel that…people here get stuck in their little convenient routines and never feel a want for more.”

Your eyes searched his, “What do you mean?”

He swirled the drink in his glass, “So many people here…get so comfortable. Not that there’s anything wrong with comfort, but when you live in a city like this…I don’t understand. They only go to the same coffee shop for fifty years, the same restaurants, not really trying anything new.”

“I hate that.” You spoke up, before he’d even finished speaking. You hated the idea of that, of an endless routine, and an unchanging life. It was one of the few things in life you were sure about. Hyunjin was looking at you and only you, as he spoke, “I know. So many people here…build their life around a few places, and those places become their life. Even though the city is so much bigger than that, and I guess I hate…the idea of settling for whatever there is.” 

Changbin cleared his throat, “Well. I think I’m too drunk for this conversation.”

A tissue box lay on the end table next to Hyunjin. Turning back to the room, you asked, “Is it okay if I have the last piece of the pastry?” It was a unanimous yes, and when you bit into the tart, little crumbs fell to your thighs, and between your thighs. It was a mess so naturally, you said, “Sorry, could you pass me that, Hyunjin?”

He looked around, noticing the only thing next to him, the box of tissues. He nodded, “Yeah, of course” and reached in for a few, passing them to you. You took them from him, fingers brushing against his. Your stomach flipped at the sensation. His hand was so warm, and your fingers lingered on his a while longer — as long as you could without making it weird. Then, you simply wiped away the crumbs from your thighs, drawing Hyunjin’s brief attention to them. After all, you’d only been this messy with the pastry so you’d have an excuse to talk to him.

You wonder if he picked up on that. You hadn't been too subtle about it, being as messy as you could possibly be just so he'd have an excuse to give you the tissues. Hyunjin was so close to you, after being so out of reach. Being in the same room as him wasn’t enough, sitting on the same couch as him wasn’t enough. You wanted to touch him, be on him, and for him to be on you. You did feel kind of insane, but this was so much more than how crushes or boyfriends had ever made you feel. The desire you felt...you never even knew that was humanely possible. You were so lost in him, and his warm body sitting next to yours that you wouldn’t notice even if the room around you disappeared completely. Still, you owed something to the rest so you asked, “Um, what about you Changbin? What’s your favorite place?” 

He lift his glass up, a wide grin on his face, “That’s easy. The recording studio.” Chan laughed, picking up on your conversation, “I second that answer.”

They really loved what they did. You wonder why your favorite place wasn’t automatically the painting studio. Shouldn’t it be that, seeing as to how that was your biggest purpose in life? But ever since the past few weeks, you dreaded returning to a studio. The thought made your stomach sink. If you weren’t an artist, what even were you? It sent you into a spiral, and you were dissociating from this party, just thinking about it.

“You okay?”

You could drown in the softness of that voice. A gentle touch to your shoulder, and you looked at Hyunjin as he lowered his voice, asking again, “You feel fine?”

You nodded, gripping your dress tightly, “Yeah, I was just…thinking about something.”

“Good, or bad?” He whispered, not wanting to interrupt all of the conversations in the room. You stared at him, “I don’t know. Bad.”

“Do you want to step out of here?” He asked. He was so attentive. Maybe he could be the solution for your predicament too. You shook your head, “I want to ask you something but it’s kind of…random.”

“I’m listening.” He spoke, an amused smile on his features. You swallowed, fiddling with the glass in your lap, and it was easy to filter out every noise in the room when he was next to you, “We always talked about painting together. Would you still be up for something like that? Or…are you too busy with your schedule?”

“If that’s something you want to do, we can do it together.” He replied, “I have a personal studio…you could come to my place, or…I could come to yours.”

“Maybe I should come to yours. I…wanna see your room too.” You spoke. He cracked a smile, “We can make that happen.”

In the midst of all this, you shifted, absentmindedly inching closer to Hyunjin on the couch, until your leg was completely touching his. You felt like a school girl finding excuses to touch her crush, and even just this little touch sent fireworks in your belly. He didn’t move away this time either, and that was a triumph in your book. He just sent you a comforting smile. Of course, the bubble popped, and Jisung said something, pulling your attention back to him, “You should really visit our recording studio, Y/N. I think you’d appreciate the…precision and organisation of everything.” 

“How do you know that’s something I like?” You laughed. He shrugged, “I’ve only known you for a few hours, but you definitely give off that vibe.”

“Well, that’s pretty accurate, I’d say,” Kairi laughed, then looked to you, “I think you’d appreciate the way Chan organized my record collection.”

“You have a record collection?” You were surprised. She rolled her eyes, “Of course I do. I’m pretentious like that.”

“I can show you. They’re right by the TV.” Chan proposed, standing up. You didn’t want to leave Hyunjin’s side and warmth, but you didn’t want to miss out on this opportunity, so you stood up, “I’d love that.” It was in the same room, so at least you wouldn’t be too far from Hyunjin, and Chan began showing you the TV cabinet and how he’d arranged all the records in order of release and by band. He was giggling, explaining something, and you told him how much this reminded you of Yeonjun - he also had a similar collection of DVDs. Chan’s eyes lit up at that. He was surprised that people still bought DVDs, and you mentioned that he should meet Yeonjun. It was a crazy thing to suggest, but you didn’t think too much of it. Your two worlds colliding. You think they’d like each other. Thinking of it, Chan would probably like Felix, too. As he sifted through the records, you glanced back over to the couch where Hyunjin and Jisung were having an animated conversation. He seemed so happy, laughing loudly, eyes crinkling. You’d missed seeing him like that. You’d been getting used to meeting the tense version of him, and this was a welcome change. Around the people he loved, he seemed like the truest version of himself.

You wanted to catch a subtle glance at him for another split-second. But you caught so much more. He was staring at you. He was speaking to someone but his gaze kept flickering back to you, and he wasn’t even subtle about it. At least you had tried to not be so obvious, but he was blatantly checking you out. His gaze would flicker from his friends, to you, to your dress, to your legs. It made you feel dizzy, and you tried to not react.

You couldn’t still be upset at him for what happened all those weeks ago. He’d apologized, and he already said it was the hardest thing he had done. He had more than made up for it, hadn’t he? He had convinced you to stay. You’d tried so hard to move on, to force feelings for others, you’d kissed another boy, but it was impossible. Ever since he left Daejon…you’d tried to not think about him, but he was everywhere and in everything you saw. In your good moments, and in your bad. Even after he broke your heart, he was all around you.

Chan started telling you about his favorite records, and you got lost in the conversation until Kairi called him back, whining cutely from the empty armchair. So with a few top-tier record recommendations by Chan, you made your way back to the couch, and Hyunjin was still laughing over a silly joke. He shifted so you could sit, and as soon as you did, he asked you, “Find anything you liked?”

“Quite a few. I’m excited to hear them.”

And just like that, with a small smile and a nod, Hyunjin’s hand moved to your bare thigh. Your dress had ridden up as soon as you’d sat back down, and he had jumped at the opportunity with no hesitation. Your heart raced at the realisation. Anybody could see this, but he didn’t seem to care. He inched upwards, settling comfortably on your upper thigh, right where the hem of your dress ended. It sent a wave of arousal though you. Jisung began speaking again. Trying to be nonchalant was hard, when your heart was jumping up and down at this little development. A part of you was so happy he’d forgotten any and all unsaid boundaries that he had set himself months ago. Things had changed with him, and you wanted to dig into his brain to find out what led to this behaviour. What happened to not wanting you, to not taking risks, to not wanting a relationship or love? 

The others didn’t seem to care that Hyunjin was touching you so openly, or that he’d completely checked out of the conversation. He was too preoccupied with touching you. His thumb drew circles on your bare skin, and it was comforting, it wasn’t meant to be sexual, but how could it also not be? You’d been starved for this, so you couldn’t help the sensations through you at his simple touch. Chan spoke to you again, “You should really come to the building. We can show you around. Eunwoo would probably be okay with it.”

You guessed that Eunwoo was their manager’s name, and you supposed that Chan was directing that to Hyunjin, but Hyunjin had completely stopped participating in this discussion, forgetting that he held a purpose to this gathering other than touching you like this. But no purpose could be greater than that, could it? 

Each circle he traced sent a shiver down your spine, strokes of lightning down your thigh, between your legs. Jisung started talking about something else, and you couldn’t keep track. You were lightheaded. You were dying. Each second that Hyunjin’s thumb brushed against your thigh, you screamed a bit inside. He was so nonchalant with it, holding your leg at a party like you were his. You were his. Despite everything. His metallic rings were cold on your skin, and Hyunjin's hands slipped between your thighs. All of his friends were here, but nobody was looking at that. Hyunjin was talking to Chan, smiling occasionally, and groping your thigh at the same time. You wish he'd never stop. It was so fucking hot. Your head was spinning, and your heart felt like it might collapse from beating too fast. It couldn’t be normal for it to pound so loudly in your chest. Could everyone in this room hear you? Could they hear the insanity within you for him? Why couldn’t he should just drop this charade, take you away and fuck you right now?

A drink. You needed a drink. You interrupted the conversation, perhaps speaking far too loudly, “Han, could you please pass me the bottle of wine?”

Han nodded, reaching over with the bottle clumsily, and it was fine until it wasn’t. He was too drunk and preoccupied as he handed it to you. The wine spilled over, landing right on your lap and soaking your dress. “Fuck!” Jisung exclaimed, standing up, “I’m so sorry!”

Hyunjin pulled his hand back from your thigh, at the sudden sensation. It was like a cold shower, snapping you out of your daze. The liquid ruined your dress, and it was an expensive one, but it wasn’t Jisung’s fault. You wouldn’t blame him when it was entirely your fault. You didn’t want to disrupt the party, so you quickly stood up, “Don’t worry about it.” You glanced at Kairi, who’d vaguely registered that this had happened, “Could I use your bathroom?”

“Of course. Do you need me to bring you a change of clothes?”

“No, it should be fine. Excuse me…” You made your way out of the living room. You went up the stairwell, the music fading in the background. Your heels were muffled on the carpeted staircase, and your legs felt shaky. Jisung had informed you the bathroom was to the right. You stepped in, catching a glimpse of yourself in the reflection. Your hair was messier than it should be, but it was still fine. You hadn’t drank anything in the past few hours, but you definitely felt drunk. Opening the faucet, you splashed droplets of water onto your dress. The wine had completely spread out, staining the skirt, and your only respite was that it was red wine on a red dress. You braced yourself against the countertop, letting out a sigh, wondering if this had been a stupid idea.

A soft knock pulled you out of your despair.

“Come in.” You unlocked the door to Hyunjin standing there. He was leaning against the doorway, hands tucked in his pockets, “Hey…you okay?” His concerned gaze fell to your dress, “What’s the verdict? Will the dress survive?”

“You tell me.” You laughed, lifting it up to show him the wine stain. He grimaced, “Shit. You need help?” You didn’t. After all, what could he do that you couldn’t? But you nodded, “Yeah”

He stepped in. The bathroom was tiny. It was cute, with a marble countertop and Kairi clearly had a flair for decoration. Hyunjin pushed his sleeves up, wetting his hands in the sink and grabbed the hem of your dress, fingers rubbing at the stain. He was bent over, eyebrows furrowed and concentrated. He must be trying a new cologne. His scent was so strong, infiltrating your brain, your body, your being. It was sexy, and it was so him. It didn’t help how dizzy you felt.

“I don’t think it's going to come out.” You said truthfully, so he wouldn’t engage in a losing battle. He seemed determined though, “I’m sorry. Jisung can be…such a klutz sometimes.”

“It wasn’t his fault.” You said, as Hyunjin suggested, “There must be something in the cabinet that would help, like a wine stain remover or something.”

“I doubt it.” You laughed, leaning against the counter and Hyunjin dejectedly let go of your skirt. He was frowning, a stupid pout on his pretty face, “It’s a shame… That’s a beautiful dress.”

You smiled, accepting this loss and crossed your arms, “Don’t worry too much. It’s only temporary. I’m sure it can be fixed.”

“Maybe I can step into Kairi’s closet, and grab you another dress?” He suggested. You shook your head before he could finish, “You don’t need to do that for me.”

Yet he was about to leave, determined to get you out of this sticky situation. A surge of panic rose through you. You grabbed the front of his sweater, pulling him back in, “Wait, Hyunjin.”

He stumbled back to you, confused, “Yeah?”

Your voice fell to a lower tone, a little embarrassed at your urgency, “Don’t go just yet.”

His eyes met yours, an intense look in them, “Why?”

Your eyes closed, and you were still gripping onto his sweater, “My head is spinning.”

“You drank too much?” He realised. You opened your eyes to look at him, and he was much closer than you’d anticipated, “I guess I was trying to deal with being in the same room as you.” You joked, with a dry chuckle. He seemed amused, “You really can’t stand me that much?”

You bit your lip, glancing up at him, wondering if he missed all the obvious signs tonight, “You know that’s not true.”

“And I know that your head’s not really spinning.” He said without pause. You frowned, straightening up, “How could you possibly know that?”

His lips curled up, and he could probably hear your pounding heart, “You didn’t even have a single sip tonight. I was looking at you the entire night.”

So he noticed that all you drank was water tonight, but you had to keep up appearances, “You’re accusing me of lying?”

“Maybe you’re just trying to keep me in here with you.”

Your voice dropped, “Why would I do that, Hyunjin?”

His eyes crinkled, an amused expression on his face which was so cocky that it pissed you off and turned you on at the same time. He said, “I don’t claim to know your secret agenda.”

“I don’t have an agenda.”

He shrugged, a smile playing at his lips, “Spilling wine on yourself on purpose sure makes it seem like you have one.”

“What are you talking about?” You gasped, laughing in disbelief at his accusation, “Why would I do something so stupid?”

“Because you knew I’d follow you.” He gripped the marble counter behind you, caging you between his arms. You lost your words, heat rising to your cheeks, and suddenly reality was settling in. He was closer to you every second, and you could see every detail on his face - you could see yourself in his eyes, and his lips were so close to to being on yours. The situation seemed all too familiar, and you had to think straight. You couldn’t let yourself be driven by lust again, you couldn’t just be conveniently kissing him, no matter how much you wanted it, without knowing what it meant to him. You mumbled, hands reaching up to his chest, like a physical barrier between your bodies, and it took you strength to do and say so, “Hyunjin…you can’t kiss me if you’re just going to leave again.”

His voice was soft, “I think for me to leave you tonight, someone would have to kill me."

Something in you shifted, and your body was buzzing and tingly all over. He never had trouble leaving you before so you couldn't understand, “What... changed?”

He paused, as if finding the right words, “Even when you were gone…you were everywhere.”

His gaze fixated on yours, like he could see right through you, into your soul, and maybe he could this entire time. Maybe that’s why everything he spoke was thoughts you’d kept hidden, and every touch felt like coming home. When he was gone, he was everywhere too. If you ever needed more of a sign...then this was it. There were so much you could say to him in that moment, but you just settled for saying, “You were right.” 

He was incapable of looking in your eyes, gaze fixated on your lips, “About what—?” And in the same second, you pulled him to you, unable to keep any of this charade up longer, fists knotted in his shirt, crushing his lips to yours. 

A surprised noise left his mouth at your urgency but Hyunjin was a lover before he was anything else and so he recovered within seconds, grabbing your face to kiss you back. His grip was tight, and desperate, and you pushed him until he was against the door. His lips tasted of a strange combination of red wine and of strawberry tart, and he pressed his mouth to yours so hard it could bruise, one hand around your neck, the other gripping your jaw, and it wasn't enough. He only pulled back to breathe, and let out a breathless chuckle, “I was right about what?”

“I did drop the wine on purpose.” You admitted, wondering his reaction, but he just immediately grabbed you again, crushing your mouths together again. It was stupid but you just needed to be alone with him, and it was the only way you could think of. He laughed in between the kiss, “That’s so stupid.” He pressed you to the counter, hands tight on your waist, knocking over whatever Kairi had so perfectly curated on the countertop. Your head spun with desire, and he pushed his tongue into your mouth, tasting you. He accommodated you so easily, tilting his head to kiss you better, falling back into this rhythm like it was natural to your body. You let go of his shirt, leaving it crinkled, so you could tug at his hair. His hands were everywhere. Around your neck, in your hair, at your waist. He groaned, pulling away for a second to mumble, “I missed you so much. You could have just asked me... And I thought I did stupid things to get your attention.”

“I missed you too.” You breathed, hands resting at the nape of his neck, sifting through his hair as you looked up at him, doe eyes, and since he wanted you to ask him, you would, “Please kiss me again.”

He didn’t hesitate, pressing his lips to yours and grinning into the kiss. Your hands dropped to the waistband of his jeans, and you tugged at them, trying to unbutton it. He must have sensed your urgency, a whine mixed in between your pecks, so he grabbed your thighs, lifting you onto the marble countertop. He didn’t stop kissing you for a second, fingers skimming your skin, sending a rush through your body, and his tongue slipped into your mouth again, and you wish you could swallow each other whole.

You wrapped your legs around him, pulling him closer, so reminiscent of the first time you’d kissed him. It had been on a night like tonight, and the longing had built up so much it was pouring out of you. All of this pining certainly couldn’t be good for the two of you by the roughness of your touches, like you were both afraid to be pulled away from each other. You tugged at his sweater, pushing it up to his chest, so you could touch his skin. Your hands were cold, and he shivered at the touch, but he didn’t stop you, kissing your jaw at the same time you felt him up. Your head tilted to the ceiling as he trailed kisses down your neck, you let your hands explore his body, feeling the muscles in his abdomen and tightening your hold on him. He was so compliant. He was so desperate. You felt him undo your bow, unzipping the dress. A fire burned within you, and his name was a familiar moan on your lips, “Hyun…”

“Yes, baby?” His voice was hoarse, and his mouth and his face was covered in your red lipstick. It was the hottest thing you’d ever seen. A giggle escaped you, and you brushed your thumb against his lips, “You have some of me on you.”

He shook his head, unbothered, leaning in to kiss you again, “I have all of you in me.”

It meant something deeper than red lipstick. It meant so much that you could probably wonder about it for days, but you just grabbed his face in your hands, cupping his soft cheeks. All of him was in you too. He was a part of who you were, and you couldn’t recall a time before Hyunjin in your life. He kissed your cheek, trailing kisses down your neck. It was hard to think straight when his mouth was sucking on you, and the bulge in his pants was pressing against you. You're sure Kairi kept a condom in here somewhere. You would let him fuck you. Right here. Right now. But a familiar worry festered within you, and it was physically impossible to pull back from the kiss as you whispered, “Wait.. you’re sure about doing this?”

He opened his eyes to look at you, and he looked so lovesick, eyes-half lidded, breathing heavy, hair messy and your spit and lipstick coating his lips, “About what?”

You touched his face, tracing your fingers over his cheeks and his pretty mouth, tracing it all to memory again after it had been ripped away from you for all this time. Perhaps you were ruining the passion of the moment, but you couldn’t let yourself go through that heartbreak again, “I don't want you to regret this. You said you didn’t want to start something that could put you…or the band at risk. So are you sure about…what we’re doing?”

It seemed to be Hyunjin’s biggest fear — a relationship, falling in love, somebody finding out about you. His company. His managers. His fans. The press. The rest of the world. 

“I was sure the minute I asked you to stay, Y/N.” He whispered, kissing you again, “You’re…everything to me.”

The confession seemed drastic from the Hyunjin who had pushed you away countless times, from the Hyunjin who kissed you only to tell you he could never want a relationship. Yet you still didn’t know what he actually wanted. Would he wake up and regret this? He kissed the corner of your mouth, like he couldn’t get enough of you, squeezing you in his grip, and said, “I’ve been doomed for you ever since I saw you. Nothing changed. I just…decided to stop fighting it.”

His words implied a sense of… inevitability and fate. You were doomed for him too. No matter what pulled you apart, something pushed you together always. It felt like an endless cycle…a trajectory you two were on that neither of you could control. Your eyes widened, and you'd never been this happy, “You’re…not just saying this because you’re drunk?”

He smiled at your words, cupping your face, “I’m not drunk, Y/N. If you really want to know what changed…the past month, I’ve just been feeling so fucking stupid. Seeing you with somebody else. I think I wanted to die when I saw you kiss Nate…and not being able to talk to you about everything, god, for the past few months, I couldn’t get you out of my head and I would have so much to say and no one to say it to…and then on the other hand, I see Chan the happiest he’s ever been, and I feel…so fucking stupid.”

His eyes seemed so sincere, so genuine and you whispered, “So…what are we doing to do now?”

“I guess... now we have to go back downstairs, because our friends are waiting for us…and you’re still soaked in wine.” His thumb brushed against your lower lip, and he pulled you closer, like he didn't want to let you go.

“Right…” You trailed off, tightening your grip on him, “That’s probably what we should do.”

“Yeah. That’s the right thing to do.” He mumbled, but he was already eating up his own words, swallowing your breath, and pressing you to the mirror. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer in a starved, hungry kiss and it didn’t feel humanely possible to be closer than this. He let out a moan, pressing kisses to your lips, “Fuck, I missed you so fucking much.”

You nodded, matching his every frenzied kiss, “Me too. I want you so bad.”

This rush. It seemed to always consume you, and Hyunjin squeezed your tits through your dress, pushing the skirt up and you were both losing control again. He pulled back, restraining himself, “I…we shouldn’t do this here.”

He said that, but he still kept kissing you, and this was a vicious cycle you would always find yourself in. You had wanted him for so long that you didn’t care where you were, but surely…this wasn’t the place. Your first time being that intimate with him shouldn’t be on top of a marble bathroom countertop, with so much opportunity to be interrupted by your friends. You’d just be setting yourself up for failure if you continued. You pulled back from the kiss too, “I think somebody needs to physically separate us for that to work.”

He laughed, and his voice was hoarse from all the kissing, and his lips were swollen. You were capable of waiting a while, instead of jumping each others bones right now. You were both adults, and you could restrain yourself. It was hard to take him seriously with imprints of your lipstick on his mouth. It made him look romantic. It made him look like yours. You wish you covered all of him in it, lip prints over his whole body, leaving no spot un-kissed. You’d missed him so much, it just felt dumb to stop now, but you did. He breathed in, calming himself, “You’re right. We…don’t have to rush.”

“Yeah.” You nodded, “I want to rush though.”

He laughed, fingers caressing your jaw so softly, “I just…I have to ask you something, before we go back downstairs—”

“Yes?”

“I know that I’ve acted stupidly about this in the past, but when I told you all those things, when I said that it’s a risk, that’s still true, Y/N. It’s still dangerous. You don’t know how wild it can get, if…anybody finds out about you. People are just looking for an opportunity to hurt us, me, the other guys, and…if you’re around me, then that includes you too. I can’t let anything happen to you, or hurt you. I would never forgive myself.” Hearing him talk made you afraid again. This was where it had always ended. This would be the last thing Hyunjin would always say to you, after kissing you. It always ended here, like a dead-end to your perfect dream, and you dreaded his next words, heart pounding like you'd pass out. You expected it.

But instead he said, “I want you. So much. I know that now, that nothing can replace the feeling of you.”

Your eyes were wide, and this was already a different direction than it. had ever gone last time, “What are you saying, Hyunjin?”

“I’m saying that…if we…really do this, there’s going to be a lot of…discretion. It’s probably going to be difficult and frustrating as fuck, and we’re both going to have to be really careful. Is that… really okay with you?”

You understood what Hyunjin was asking you. If you and him were to be together, it could only be a thing of secrecy. 

It wouldn’t be a relationship you dreamed of. Nothing about it would be normal, or usual. It would only exist behind closed doors, and in storage closets, and in the privacy of your bedrooms. If you and him were to continue this…it would always have to stay a secret. 

It would be hard to restrain your love for him, but in all honesty… you had done nothing else since you were fifteen and saw him in the art shop. You had loved him since then, and you could love him in any circumstance, even if it was in secret. Going back to not having him in your life was impossible. You leaned in to kiss him, to remind yourself of how real this was, and how much he was worth to you. An excitement bloomed in your chest from what was to come as you whispered against his lips, “I guess it’s a good thing then that I’m good at keeping secrets.”

»»————-

masterlist ⇒

please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you :) 

[skunaskitten]

Her Charm

Paring: Sukuna x you

Summary: Through all the time of his life he missed his love but it was her charm that kept him alive.

Warning: fluff, sukuna threating, death mentioning, angst, sad curse king.

Yuji was brought to a room with gojo to show him a golden bell with seal symbols carved into it and a red ribbon tied to it. Gojo gave it to yuji telling him to bring it out when sukuna gets out of hand. Just show it to him whenever he feels he needs to. Itadori held the bell for a while thinking it was something to hold down sukuna little did he know what the bell really was.

Sukuna was getting out of hand since eating most of his fingers,  the king was starting to feel his power. Starting to taunt his vessel seeing the nightmares that sukuna has caused. Something in yuji snapped when sukuna appeared on his cheek laughing and threatening to kill everyone. Yuji held up the bell not hearing a ring but sukuna heard the jingle of the bell. 

Sukuna stopped and saw the bell being silent so long that yuji was confused but happy it worked to shut up sukuna. "Where the fuck did you that brat!? Where?! Tell me!" Yuji put up a hand in defense. "Calm down gojo gave it to me saying to use it on you I don't know what it is. It just looks like a stupid bell it doesn't even jingle." "Dont call it stupid punk! You have no reason to have it or to hold it I am the only one allowed to have that. It belongs to me!"

Yuji was still confused as he stuck it into his pocket saying, "whatever it got you to shut up, if you don't behave I might as well toss it." Sukuna raged inside itadori. "If you toss that bell or damage it I will have your head on a stick! As for everyone else I will slaughter them all if that bell gets touched or destroyed!" Yuji sighed, rubbing his head, already getting a headache and annoyed with sukuna throwing a fit.

The next few days sukuna bugged yuji about the bell making sure it was safe and had in sight. A strange order by the king, itadori was told to put the bell on a pillow while he went to sleep. What was up with this bell? It was time to ask the king. It has been a while now since it was given to yuji. 

"Sukuna, I wanted to ask you. What is this bell?" His mouth showed up on his hand smirking. "None of your business brat. If you were not alive during my time then you have no reason to know just keep it safe." Yuji grunt holding his own wrist. "I demand to know you live in my body so tell me now!" "You dare order me around, fool. You will get yourself killed. But fine if you wish to know, let's go for a walk. Take us out to the forest alone I will tell you. No question, just do it."

Itadori followed the commands and went to a forest to an open field of flowers and took a seat. "We are here now." Sukuna showed his mouth on his hand letting out a sigh. "That bell I had made, when I had turned into a curse. I made it for someone who was very close to me. They have known me ever since I was human but even after I changed they still stayed by my side. I made this bell so that only I can hear it ring just to know when they are close by and where they are." "What? Was it a girl, your girlfriend?" Sukuna growled then said "you want to lose a hand."

Yuji smiled at his hand and looked away. "Oh so it was a girl. Was she pretty?" "More beautiful than you think brat." Yuji snickered thinking what she could look like. "How much of a curse was she to be with you." "Brat watch your tongue. She was no curse. She was human. Our plan was to have me try to make her curse or find a way to let her live forever so she could be with me to rule the world." Itadori soon realized that if that was the plan then where did she go. "Where is she now can we find her? If she is around I can help you?"

Sukuna scoffed "why help me I am trying to kill you all besides she is no longer alive less thing for me to worry about." Yuji looked at his hand in shock. "How can you say that? Don't you miss her? How did she die?" "Of course I miss her brat. You ask too many questions." Sukuna stayed quiet for a while then spoke again. "She was killed by you sorcerers after they captured me." All yuji could say was sorry and the conversation was soon over. He headed back to jujutsu high that night. Sukuna was sitting on his throne of bone with memories of her crossed his mind.

Remembering her smile as her hands caressed his. He barely remembers anything from when he was human but he remembers all from when he was with her. She used to always play with his hands, all four of them. Even placing small soft kisses to his tummy mouth as he let it lick her face making her laugh or giggle. When he turned to a curse she didn't fear him or tried to kill him. She was shocked and confused more worried than anything but he would never hurt her and he never did. 

Sukuna took this chance to take over the brats body when he fell asleep. The tattoos that appeared and his four eyes opened and looked over seeing the bell. Sukuna sat up taking the bell into his hands hearing the jingle. He felt his heart begin to fill with guilt and sorrow. A strange feeling for him to have but it always appeared when he thought of her. A pain that spread through his chest. "My love, my queen." Sukuna spoke as his clawed thumb traced over the carving on the bell that read my heart.

Sometimes he still hears her voice speak his name as if she was still here with him. Sukuna shut his eyes and held the bell with a tight fist fighting back the feelings dare to form in his eyes. "I am sorry I could not protect you." Then he felt something wet trickle from one of his eyes as he quickly wiped it away seeing his wrist wet. Am I crying? He remembered seeing her cry every time he got hurt and she worried so much about him.

Sukuna rolled the bell in his hand looking at it with a frown on his face. "Are you alright wherever you are? Are you still my queen? You know I will always be your king. My love." Sukunan let out a sigh holding the bell as he laid down, switching back out with yuji. Itadori had woken up just after he switched back not saying a word about what he witnessed with sukuna. 

Instead yuji would go to a remote area that sukuna wanted to go to and switch out just so the king could hold the bell as if he was spending time with her again. It was the only time the king of curses showed a soft emotion to anything. The only time he showed having a heart for the woman that gave him one. Sometimes yuji swears he hears the bell move just a little thinking it was because he had sukuna inside of him that it jingles for a moment on its own. He was excited to tell sukuna that he heard it. Maybe she was still around looking for her king all this time.

Sukuna felt she was around and could always fall in love with her charm over and over just from hearing the jingle of her bell.

Hello hope you all enjoy the read. I honestly love the sad and angsty stories. I love the idea of sukuna holding on to something dear to him that was part of his heart. How lovely does the bell look in sukunas hand.

[rafescoke]

i’m sooo obsessed with your entire page holy moly. if you’re taking requests can i get kinda an angst one where the reader is with jj and finds out him and kie have been doing stuff behind her back, and the rest of the group knew the whole time? so she ends up getting close to rafe and hanging out with his friends so it eventually ends up with rafe x reader??? sorry that’s so long lol pls never stop writing, i love your fics too much <3

All I Ask ; Rafe Cameron

masterlist

#Part 1

#Part 2

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader x JJ Maybank

Summary: Reader finds herself in the arms of her best friend’s brother after finding her boyfriend cheating on her 

Warnings: Cheating, substance, mentions of sex, jealous Rafe, JJ & Kie being an asshole

A/N: Thank you so much for the amount of love I received from my last two works! It has been so overwhelming and I love each one of you with all my heart <3

p.s, my request box is always open! Send random ideas and I’ll turn them into a fic <33

p.p.s, so sorry if this isn’t my best work :(

“Come on, (Y/N), don’t be a party pooper!”

(Y/N) rolled her eyes as she pulled her best friend aside from all the commotion, “Sarah. I’m serious. I feel like he’s cheating on me.”

“He’s not!” Sarah groaned, and when (Y/N) gave her a look, she sighed. “I’m serious. He loves you too much, okay? Look, tomorrow’s your birthday, right? I’m sure JJ’s just ignoring you as a part of your birthday surprise.”

(Y/N) wanted to believe her so bad, but she couldn’t deny the strong feeling growing inside her. Ever since a month ago, JJ wasn’t there for her like always. When she tried to hold him in the van or at the Chateau, he would flinch and scoot away from her. She didn’t know what to do anymore.

“Look-” Sarah cupped her face, her eyes boring into hers. “I promise that he’s not cheating on you. Can you please let this go? How about you go and find him, have a smoke, and then come back to me with the verdict?”

(Y/N) hummed back in response, thinking about what Sarah had just told her. When she first moved to Obx from the city 4 years ago, she had been spending most of her time with the other kooks. When she bumped onto JJ one particular evening while he was too busy mowing down her lawn, that was when most of her happiest days started. 

(Y/N) made her way towards the far end of the beach where JJ and the other pogues were hanging out, her feet lightly patting against the hot sand. (Y/N) took a deep breath when she saw the love of her life laughing on a log, and quickly walked towards him.

���Hey,” she started, sitting on the empty space beside him. JJ shifted, giving her more space, and muttered a quick ‘hi’ back. He offered her a beer, to which she shook her head to, and he shrugged before downing the whole content.

“You’ve got some beer here,” (Y/N) said, leaning forward to wipe the tiny droplet on his chin. JJ hurtled backwards as if on cue, and quickly wiped the stain with the back of his hand. (Y/N) stared at him, being caught off guard, but decided to not create any drama.

“You really don’t have to do that,” (Y/N) muttered, wrapping her cardigan over her tighter. The cold night air swept over her, causing her hair to fall over her shoulders. She didn’t bother to fix it as she watched JJ scoffed, the fire in front of them reflecting on the surface of his blue eyes.

“Do what? Wipe my mouth? Come on, (Y/N), it’s really not that big of a deal,” JJ sighed. He didn’t even bother to hold her hand, to reassure her that it’s really okay, and instead he continued his conversation with John B about some kind of a movie. She noticed Pope looking at their way, but he quickly turned to look at the waves when she returned his gaze.

“Do you want to smoke?” she tried again, this time with her hands on his lap. He didn’t move, and (Y/N) took this as a good sign, her heart fluttering happily. 

It’s progress.

“You sure?” he asked, fumbling with his back pocket to reach for his extra blunt. When he grasped the rolled up herbs between his fingers, he handed it to her, smiling when she scooted closer. He lighted it for her, watching her took a deep huff before blowing the smoke.

“That’s good?” he asked before taking a blow for himself. He felt his heavy mind getting lighter, the weight he has been holding since forever slowly lifting into the air. He laughed, and turned to look at the state of the girl beside him.

“Thank you, baby,” (Y/N) smiled, this time with her head on his shoulder. She saw Pope looking at them with some kind of a heavy look again, but just like before, he turned away before she could ask him anything. 

“Pope?” 

Pope’s attention from the crashing waves turned completely to (Y/N), his eyes wide and his mind panicking. His eyes glanced to the blonde boy beside her for a second, but it settled back to her. “Yes?”

“You’re okay? You keep looking at me. Is there anything that you want to tell me?”

“Me?” he pointed to his chest, and when he saw the look on JJ’s face, he laughed, making an action of swatting his hands against the air. “Oh no. I was just thinking about something else. I guess I involuntarily looked at you.”

(Y/N) laughed with him, her head still on JJ’s shoulder, her eyes slowly squinting against the glowing fire that seemed to be too bright. She turned to whisper to JJ, “Can we go home?”

“Tonight? But It’s Bonfire night. We can’t leave yet,” he protested, glancing at both of his friends for help. Pope, not wanting to spend anymore time with them anymore, quickly stood up from his seat and walked towards the main space of the party. 

“I’m gonna go with Pope, okay? Find Sarah. Go and talk to her? I’ll call you later,” JJ quickly added, standing up from his seat, stirring (Y/N) from her previous position. She sighed, her head still woozy, but she didn’t want to think about the possibility of him cheating on her.

He wanted her first, it’s just not possible for him to suddenly lose feelings for her. The countless times he would tell her that he loves her, that she’s the only girl he will ever mark as his, and now nothing?

She groaned, kicking the sand, all while the muffled music thrumming against her eardrums. She turned to look at John B, the only guy left with her, and opened her mouth to say something.

“Do you see the problem, John B?” she asked, her voice slow. When he didn’t reply, she sighed again, this time standing up from her seat to return to the ongoing party. “This is exactly the fucking problem.”

She didn’t understand; why is everyone treating her differently? What did she do? She sacrificed almost everything to be apart of their group, including her relationship with her kook friends. At that moment, she longed for her bedroom, where she knew she will be totally safe, all cuddled up with Netflix to enjoy.

“If it isn’t the princess,” a voice said from behind her back, and (Y/N) rolled her eyes before turning to look at the source. The tall figure of Rafe Cameron loomed over her, and (Y/N) tried to block his scent of cigarette and expensive cologne. She never really stopped liking his smell.

The Camerons and her family are business partners, and that was the core reason for her family to move to Obx in the middle of July 4 years ago. Meeting Sarah and her siblings for the first time, she couldn’t deny the strong attraction she felt towards the oldest sibling, but she had thought of it as nothing more than a silly crush and tried to focus more on her relationship with a certain blonde boy living on the other side of the island.

“You can take a picture, it’ll last longer that way,” he smiled, and (Y/N) groaned when she could hear the amused tone lacing in his gruff voice. She made to walk away, but was halted by Rafe’s fingers around her wrist.

“Come on, I was just playing. That’s not the way to treat an old friend,” he laughed, letting go of her. He looked around her, noticing her odd behaviour, and suppressed his smile. “Where’s the boyfriend?”

“I don’t know,” she finally replied, and returned the gesture of looking around him. “Where’s the girlfriend?”

Rafe laughed, throwing his head back as his hair messily slicked to the back. “Girlfriend? I don’t do girlfriends. Come on, (Y/N), you know that.”

“Not a surprise,” she said in a singing tone, giving her attention towards the dancing bodies next to the speaker. “Look, Rafe, just say whatever you want to say to me, okay? I’m tired of trying to figure out what people wanted to say to me.” 

“I just want to make a conversation,” he shrugged, chugging down his beer before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. His actions reminded her of JJ, and she quickly looked away when she felt a pang of hurt across her heart.

“Uh-oh, I know that look,” Rafe said, tugging her chin to force her to look at him. (Y/N) grunted, feeling his cold skin against hers, but she let him stare into her eyes before quickly pulling away. “Yeah. It’s that look you’ll put when you’re worried about something. What’s up?”

“Rafe, it’s really nothing,” she sighed, scooting away from the boy. She looked around again, and her eyes landed on a certain blonde boy, and she could feel her heart soaring up again. Rafe’s eyes followed her gaze, and when he saw JJ, he turned to look away.

“I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Rafe replied, already making his way towards the keg station.  (Y/N) noticed the change in his behaviour, seeing how cold he turned, but decided not to mention it. She was being cold towards him first, so she guessed it was fair for him to be acting that way. 

Rafe didn’t understand how blind she could be. Couldn’t she notice the pattern of the girls he fucked? How they all looked so similar to her? 

He scoffed, sipping from his red cup as he watched her walk towards the boy that stole her from him. Everything was going perfect; they were hanging out almost every day; just her and Rafe, either it was in his swimming pool or (Y/N)’s hot tub. When her father had hired JJ Maybank to mower his lawn, that was when everything went downhill. 

“Cameron,” a voice greeted from beside him, and when he turned to look at the figure, he expressed a sly smirk.

One more person that looked like her.

. . .

JJ’s phone was beside her.

She kept telling herself no, that she should trust him since they are in a relationship, but her brain was yelling for her to go through his phone.

He’s cheating on you.

She groaned, unable to contain herself anymore as she grabbed his phone, looking around briefly before typing his passcode. 

The phone vibrated in her hands as she failed to guess his passcode, and she frowned before the screen. It had been her birthday’s date, so why wouldn’t it open? She tried again with their anniversary date, and again, was met with the same fate.

“What the fuck?” she said to no one in particular, and sighed before trying out random numbers. Lastly, she pressed all 1, not thinking much of it and already accepting her defeat. She exclaimed in happiness when his home screen appeared with his background a picture of a dog.

(Y/N) frowned again, remembering how it used to be a picture of them, but decided to not question it as their picture had been replaced by a dog instead of something else. She went through his Instagram, scroling down the many direct messages, through his Imessages; where he texts the pogues a lot and through his Snapchat, only finding their private pictures in his ‘my eyes only’.

She released the breath she didn’t realise she was holding, shutting the phone off and letting it lay in its previous position. She smiled, secretly cursing at herself for ever doubting JJ. He must’ve been busy with his life, just-

Ding!

Involuntarily, (Y/N) picked up the phone and watched as Kie’s name appeared. She typed in his passcode quickly, trying to see what she needs so that she could try and help her with anything in case if it’s urgent. Her heart stopped for a minute when she saw her text.

Kie: You’re sleeping with her tonight?

Why would she even text him that?

(Y/N) sat up straighter, her fingers gliding across the screen in a swift motion.

wdym?

She watched as the typing signal appeared, biting the insides of her cheeks. She looked at the direction of the toilet again, hearing the blonde boy humming to a Nirvana song. She looked at the screen again.

Kie: You promised me you would be with me tonight

Kie: Just us two

Oh my god.

She could feel the hot tears coming in, but her bathroom door creaked open, so she threw the phone back to its initial position and cleared her throat, looking to the ceiling and randomly muttering words to herself.

“Huh?” JJ asked, looking at the direction she pointed. He saw nothing, and looked back to her. 

“I said white’s not the color anymore. I think I’m changing it to grey. What do you think?” She asked, feeling her throat hurting. She cleared her throat again as JJ stared at the ceiling one more time, his face all scrunched up.

“I think grey’s okay?” He said, but it was more to a question. He took his phone and sat beside her, shielding his screen from her. She watched him from the corners of her eyes, silently interpreting his strange demeanor. 

She cursed when it finally hit her; she hadn’t delete her text to Kie.

She bit her lips, curling her toes and randomly tracing circles on her lap. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t see clearly, she couldn’t think.

How could she forgot to delete that one, single text? 

“I have to go,” JJ stood up, slipping his phone into his pocket. (Y/N) looked at him, ready to ask if she could follow, but halted her action when he put a hand up.

“I’m seeing John B. Something about, um, Sarah stuff. Just me and Pope. The boys,” he muttered, clearly trying to tell her that he wouldn’t be bringing her to the Chateau. (Y/N) nodded, feeling her heart sank, because she finally understood everything;

The glances he would give to Kie in the HMS Pogue, the brief moments where he would put his hands around Kie’s waist when he tries to slip in between her and someone, the flirtatious laugh he’ll emit when she makes a joke - it all made sense.

(Y/N) used to think that it was all just friendly behaviour and how he had known her longer hence it must’ve been normal for best friends to do that. One thing that (Y/N) likes about herself is how she’s able to guess things correctly - 

But she had never wanted to be so wrong about something before.

“You’re okay by yourself tonight?” 

“Huh?” She finally looked up to him, seeing his blue eyes staring straight into her boring ones. “Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” he smiled, proceeding towards the open window to exit her bedroom. (Y/N) ‘s father would never give his blessings towards this relationship, so he had to enter and exit his girlfriend’s room through the window. 

He hesitated before reaching the seating girl, placing a soft but immediate kiss on her cheeks. (Y/N) smiled weakly in return, not trusting herself to say anything.

How could he?

Ten minutes after his departure, (Y/N) quickly grabbed her father’s car keys before fleeing after a particular black motorcycle. She didn’t even think about turning the car radio on, and her mind was set on only one thing; JJ and Kie.

When she arrived at the Chateau, her fingers trembling and her hair all over the place from the wind while she was driving down the road, forgetting to close the window, she quickly made her way to their usual hanging out place.

Before she could enter the room, Pope’s voice interrupted her actions.

“(Y/N)? What the fuck are you doing here?” he asked, his eyes widening. He looked at her palm around the doorknob, and let out a nervous laugh. “You’re looking for JJ? He’s not here.”

She gets it now.

“Pope, I know,” was all she said before opening the door. 

She felt her world shattering right after she was greeted with the sight of Kie on JJ’s lap, running her fingers through his blonde locks while she kissed him tenderly like  (Y/N) always did. John B and Sarah were right next to him, cheering him on, but stopped when they finally looked up to the looming figure.

“Oh my god,” Kie exclaimed, pushing herself off JJ and fixing her hair. (Y/N) made a look, disgust filling every inch of her body as she quickly walked away from the scene, not wanting to hear any apologies or explanation.

None of that mattered to her; she just wanted to go home.

“(Y/N)!” she heard him yell, but she exited the Chateau as fast as her feet could take her, not stopping to look at him. She cursed when she couldn’t find the right key to open her door, her fingernails clanking against the metal.

“It was a dare!” JJ said, right after he reached her. He watched as she didn’t pay any attention towards him, still fumbling for her keys. “I swear! The kiss was just a dare!”

“Was the text a dare as well?” she asked, finally putting the right key into the keyhole and stepping into the car. JJ cursed and stepped aside, feeling drained and tired from the screaming.

Of course he didn’t send the ‘wdym’. He never like short forms, only using them when he is in the toilet and typing with his left hand. Why didn’t he realised this sooner?

“I’m sorry,” he said, but before he could say anything else, the girl drove straight towards the exit, away from him. 

The worst part of all wasn’t about not having a chance to explain himself to get out of the mess he made, but it was when he saw the pained look on her face. 

“Fuck!” he yelled, kicking a stone and making his way back towards the Chateau. 

(Y/N) fingers scrolled down the many contacts in her phone as she tried to focus on the road simultaneously, and finally stopping when she reached the letter ‘R’ contacts. 

She tapped on the first name under the R letter, putting the phone call on speaker and placing her phone on her lap. She shuddered, suddenly remembering the way she had found JJ and Kie in, but shook her head when his voice filled the atmosphere.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Rafe.”

-

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[blueathens]

Avenging My Father - AGAPE SERIES

                   ACT TWO, SCENE SEVEN

SONG: Headspace by Lewis Capaldi QUOTE: “I just couldn’t like him the same way he liked me.”

A/N: Not proofread or edited - I changed this so many times - delay in posting this chapter

Previous || Next

Masterlist//Main Masterlist//Agape Masterlist

For Bobby, both Buck and Kasey reminded him of Sal Deluca, a firefighter he reassigned to Station 122 not long after becoming Captain. The three of them regularly disobeyed his orders, Kasey, however, does it more often than Buck and more extreme than Deluca ever could. Bobby thinks it's her heavy survivor's guilt that constantly weighs her down.

If Kasey loses someone, she will forever feel like its her fault, even if there was no way in saving them, Kasey will still believe she wasn't good enough – that she was the reason they died.

Kasey never expresses this feeling though, not really, it's just something you figure out when you get to know her.

On her inner arm were the angel numbers '444,' she got this tattoo as it was exactly how she sees herself as – protection.

That she was a human shield that could take everyone's pain as long as it meant someone else could live.

Bobby thinks that Kasey sometimes forgets that she's human, just like everyone else, that she can't save everyone and be a protector for them all.

Bobby even thinks that Kasey will die at his hands one day as she won't follow the orders that are meant to keep both the team and civilians as safe as possible. Or it will just lead her to a lot of trouble in the near future, but today it was him that was getting in trouble, not Kasey, but as the tension rises, Bobby could feel that something was going to break within her, and someone will discover a truth that they do not like and use it to ruin her.

However, the truth was not going to be true, if Kasey's story didn't come from her mouth then it isn't true, but Bobby knows that someone will eventually one day mix up her words and use it against her thinking it's the truth, when it's not.

Kasey Strand was one of the best damn firefighters anyone could ever meet, and it was a damn shame that she held so much darkness that if it falls into the wrongs hand, it could ruin her, but today wasn't going to be day where someone ruins Kasey Strand.

But it is the day where Kasey begins to worry about her role as a firefighter as she walks up the stairs, not knowing that one of the best fire station captains has to be suspended from the station.

Today was the day Robert Nash was in danger.

"Hey, Cap." Greeted Chim, being the first one to make it up the stairs, seeing Bobby in his usual seat at the dining table. "Why are you sitting up here in your civvies? And how come I am not smelling my breakfast?"

Hen laughs, and Bobby puts on a fake smile, Kasey could tell, she could tell he was faking his happiness, she knew this as she too was a master of faking happiness, but she also knew Bobby and she knew he was faking that smile on his face.

She stuffed her hands in her pockets as she stood a little away from her team.

"Maybe you should all sit down."

Kasey's teeth sinks into her bottom lip as she mentally prepared herself for the worst.

"Oh," Hen frowns slightly. "This doesn't feel good."

Kasey rounds the table standing at the last chair of the table as she looked straight forth instead of at Bobby who now raised from his seat like one would to make an announcement.

"All right. I know the shift's about to start, but I wanted to be here to tell you this in person. As of this morning, pending further investigation, I am officially suspended from my duties here at the 118."

Kasey's face went blank as she pulled her best poker face at those words, when really she felt like something from within her was dying – Captain Robert Nash was being suspended. Bobby, someone Kasey has looked up to the moment she came here in 2016. The guy who has helped Kasey through so much in her life and tries his best to keep her on her feet.

Kasey didn't know how the 118 without Bobby, and Kasey didn't want to find out what 118 without Bobby was like.

"What? Why? That-That's insane. Suspended for what?" Buck stuttered out.

"For not disclosing what happened in Minnesota before I took the job."

Bobby watched as Kasey bowed her head, eyes closing as she gives a soft shake of her head to the table. Her jaw was firmly set, and her lips were pressed in the thinnest line one could ever see.

In the 118, Kasey Strand was the only one who knew about Bobby's past, and just like him he was aware of some of her past, something Buck has overheard through the passing years. And in their conversations between the two best friends, Kasey never dared to tell Buck that much about her life due to mainly fear.

"Minnesota? That's old news."

"Well, not to them and if they knew all the details," – like Kasey does – "there's a very good chance they never would've hired me."

Bobby related to Kasey in the fact that the pair shouldn't have ever been hired due to their past, but due to them both being able to hide it well they were able to join and become firefighters.

Kasey also knows it's her military background that was able to hide her old life for her to be able to have her new life here in LA with her previous firefighter training.

However, Bobby and Kasey are not bad people, they are very kind souls who just been hurt too much in the past, and due to that hurt it led them to places that suggested they shouldn't be having these new lives.

"Cap, you don't owe them that part of you," Hen speaks up. "You owe them your record."

Kasey wonders if that was why her old record was wiped clean and was replaced with a new one before and after the military due to her good work.

Furthermore, Kasey knew that out of everyone Bobby deserves his place in the 118, he was one of the nicest and most hardworking person she knew who would never put anyone in harm's way.

And her heart fell to the pit of her stomach knowing that his past was catching up to him and it was beginning to ruin his life.

"All the people you've helped." Buck continues.

"The lives you've saved." Eddie says.

"Well, I knew the truth would catch up to me one day," Bobby gives Kasey another glance, but she was still in the same position as she was the first time he looked her way. "I just figured by the time it did, it wouldn't matter. I'd have nothing left to lose. I was wrong."

By the time everyone slowly leaves and heads to do their duties around the firehouse, Bobby makes his way towards Kasey who has looked like she hasn't moved a muscle, but as he gets closer he notices her taking small, quiet, breaths, almost like she was trying to calm herself down from something.

Bobby places his hand on Kasey's shoulder and she jumps slightly as she takes a step back to look and Bobby. Her hands were behind her back as she blinked at him and shows him a small, sad smile.

"You're going to come back," Kasey says lowly.

"Kasey–"

"You're going to come back," she repeats, trying to convince the both of them. "They can't fire you. They just can't."

Kasey felt like she was six again after she sees her dad again after the 9/11 incident, how she felt so lost and just needed a parent's comfort, and the only parent that willingly gave her that was her dad, the guy she cried for as she watched the news, knowing he was there trying to save as many people as he could whilst also losing himself in the process.

Kasey felt like she was six again when Bobby took her smaller body and wrapped his arms around to comfort her like a father would for his daughter, rubbing her back as he promised her he'll be back working in the 118 soon.

But Bobby thinks he has just lied to Kasey.

"You're going to have to be careful, Kas," Bobby whispers. "They're going to discover the whole truth about me, and they soon could find yours, and if it's not you telling them, then they're going to believe in the wrong thing – the thing that's going to get you into a lot of trouble."

Bobby feels Kasey nod against his chest before she pulls herself away and pushes her the side of her hand against her nose before moving further back. "I should head down and–"

Bobby smiles, "Have a good shift, Kasey."

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"Barry Johnson, 57." Athena announces loudly as the 118 jump out of their vehicles, grabbing their equipment that were needed to attend the man that fell. "Seems to have had some kind of existential crisis after lunch. Threw all his money off the roof and then decided to jump it."

Buck whistled as he, Eddie and Kasey looked up to the said roof the man jumped from. "Wish I had that type of money."

Kasey hums, pursing her lips to the side as she turned her head to look at Barry on top of the broken car. "It probably make you very unhappy just like this man." She walks ahead, leaving her two friends behind as she brings herself closer to the injured man. Kasey wasn't carrying any bags of equipment, in fact she didn't simply feel like she was useful for something like this, she felt pretty useless as she just stands back and watch, at those times it doesn't even feel like Kasey is a firefighter, she just feels like a helpless civilian.

"Falls 20 stories and lives."

"20 stories? How is that even possible?" Questioned Buck as he walked slightly ahead of Hen and Athena, and Eddie joins them a second later.

"We also got a few greedy bystanders with minor injuries," Athena raised her finger to point at the small crowd right by them. "Not sure how you want to handle those." Athena takes a glance at Kasey who stood right by the, inspecting his body in hopes she be able to tell her team the injuries for them – at least then she wouldn't feel so hopeless.

"That's up to the Cap," Hen states just as Chimney leaves his vehicle and Kasey takes a glance over her shoulder and gives a quick roll of her eyes – she's been bossed around by Chimney too much and he has only been Captain for only two shifts.

Kasey was getting sick and tired of making coffees.

"Uh, interim Cap," corrects Buck, "this is just temporary until Bobby comes back."

"You keep telling yourself that, Buck." Chimney tilts his head back to stare at the roof the man jumped and survived from as he chewed on his gum. His attention then turned to Barry who groaned, and Kasey takes a step back, lips pressed together as her hands go behind her back whilst she stares down at her shoes.

To Kasey, the man just looks badly injured – meaning she has nothing important to tell her team as they would easily be able to see he's injured.

"Whoa. All right, I'll take spinal precaution." Chimney heads towards Barry, pulling Eddie's shoulder bag off from his shoulder. Chimney walks past the youngest firefighter and completely ignores her due to still being sour about her constantly backchatting him the moment he's become Captain.

He puts the bag down and begins to unzip it before pausing to look at his team who hasn't moved a muscle, but all held a confused look, "right, I'm the Captain. Uh, Hen, Eddie, you're with him." Chimney gestures towards Barry. "Buck, go with John. Triage the minor injuries. And I'll get the Jaws."

Kasey let out a low breath as she waited in the same position for her order, but it never came. And it felt like something else died within Kasey, it made her feel pathetic. This wasn't unusual, she hardly helped with the injuries as she never was able to get more training for it, not like the others in her team,

But when she sits in her car, before she attempts to try and sleep, she reads many medical books, reads the documents the chief sent her via emails, and watch those professional medical videos just so she can understand these things better – just so she can help her team in more areas.

But Kasey just stays there, still waiting for her orders, and she feels pathetic. Chimney was able to say at least a major injury that could have happened to him – which was injuries to the spine – but Kasey couldn't even state that, she didn't even think of the most obvious injury.

Of course there was going to be a problem with his spine.

The water in her eyes begins to build up until she couldn't see anything, her vision becomes blurry, and a huge rush of tiredness and numbness took over her. It was pathetic, she thought, why was she getting so agitated over this?

Over Bobby, over Chimney, over herself and over not being able to help?

Eddie and Hen look over their shoulders to see Kasey just standing there.

"Did Chim not instruct you to a task?" Confusion dripped from Hen's voice.

Kasey tried to speak but she knew if she did then the two of them would quickly realise that she was trying not to cry, and she didn't want them to know or she would feel more pathetic. It was minor things, she told herself, keep it together.

She just shakes her head before looking up at the roof once again and let out a shallow breath, not realising she was being watched by Eddie before he had to turn back to his work with a heavy heart.

Eddie Diaz was beginning to realise that Kasey Strand was not okay, and he began to question how long has she not been okay and how long has she been putting up a façade?

Eddie hated himself for not noticing sooner. The team obviously noticed that Kasey looked a little bit more tired than usual lately, but they all thought it was the extra shifts she kept on asking for that made her seem that way.

But to Eddie now, he thinks there's much more to that as seeing Kasey now, where she isn't putting up a façade as she doesn't know she's being watched, seeing her now expresses to Eddie the raw sadness and pain that emerges from her, and it was a type of pain that made you want to hold that person under a blanket, fire going in a corner, as words of 'you're enough' and 'let me help you,' would be whispered.

So he turns to Barry with a heavy heart as he realises he has only just noticed the true sadness that came off from his best friend.

"All right, Barry. I'm gonna give you something for the pain, okay? It'll take the edge off but you'll probably still gonna feel it."

"Can't you just knock me out'?"

"Sorry, I need you to stay with me." Barry groans once more at Hen's words. Eddie was now in the car, sat in the backseats as his feet where out of the door and planted on the pavement outside as he checks Barry's legs.

"Compound fracture, both legs." Barry grunts and shouts as Eddie continues to check him over. There was glass everywhere, even on Barry's clothes from where he crashed and feel slightly into the back windscreen of the car. His head was against the boot, ever so slightly elevated up so he wasn't laying on shards of glass, and around his neck was a brace.

"Hasn't lost bowel control."

"At least I got that going for me."

"These are all positives, Barry," Hen calmly says as Eddie climbs out the car to look up at the roof once more, trying to figure out how someone could survive a fall like that. "Means your spine's probably okay."

"Ma'am, you said you saw him fall?" Eddie asks the closest civilian to him.

"Yeah," she nods.

"How did he land?"

"Feetfirst," she whimpers.

"Couldn't even do this right," moans Barry. "This morphine's nice, though."

Kasey has moved herself to stand by the ambulance, leaning against the fire truck next to it as she watches Hen pushes Barry on the stretcher.

"You have anyone you need us to call?"

"My wife left me. My kids hate me. My only friend is suing me. next time, I go headfirst."

"You had all that money, though," Eddie states as he pulls the stretcher by the front, right by Barry's head as he walks towards the ambulance backwards. "Why'd you throw it out the window?"

"That money ruined my life. A year ago, I'd have thought it solved all my problems. Just multiplied them."

"Wait," the woman who made the call says, "wait, what-what happened last year?"

"I won the lottery."

Chimney closes the back doors of the ambulance, turns around and shrugs at the woman. "Careful what you wish for." The engine starts as Chimney walks away, the woman pulls out her lottery ticket from her purse and rips it apart.

Eddie clears his throat as he stands next to Kasey, shoulders brushing for as they stood next to one another. Kasey was only slightly smaller than Eddie, it wasn't a grand height difference, but it was a pleasant height difference.

Kasey's strained voice beat Eddie's in talking first as she asked him, "are you happy?"

Eddie opens his mouth, closing it, then opens it once more, but then he closes it and doesn't open it again until he found the right words. He ponders on that question as the both of them look ahead of them, watching as the crowd of people slowly move away and go back to their lives.

"Yes," he finally says, "but I know I can be happier – that I deserve to be happier."

"You deserve more than the world, Eddie." She whispers and Eddie could feel his face begin to heat up at her words, looking down at his shoes whilst he hides away his smile.

No one has ever said that to him before.

No one has thought of Eddie as that much before, but here Kasey was telling him he deserved more than the world, and it felt nice, really nice.

More than nice, in fact.

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"So we're doing line ups now?" Buck questions as he stands tall in front of Chimney who parade around with his dark sunglasses as gum in his mouth.

"Stow it, Buckley." He then moves down and back up the line, "so, listen up. Because the word of the day is ' hose maintenance.'" He stops at Buck once again.

"Okay, I'm out," Hen says, and Kasey snorts and Chimney made his way towards the youngest firefighter – the only one who wasn't standing up straight, instead she was leaning her right shoulder against the wall, arms folded at her chest as she too wore sunglasses and chewed her gum mockingly.

"This is so stupid," she mutters just before Captain Chimney stops in front of her with his arms behind his back.

"Are you questioning my methods?" The other firefighters eyed the pair out from the corner of their eyes.

"Not questioning them," she simpered, "I'm saying it's stupid."

Kasey sits in front of Bobby at his place where the table was littered with things for a wedding, Kasey smiles faintly at it, before it falls as she looks back at Bobby.

"What if we put a blonde wig on you? They'll never notice that's it you. Then we can have both you and normal Chimney back," Kasey proclaims as she sits proudly at the fact that she just thought of the best idea ever.

Bobby gives a short shake of his head, dying her excitement down.

Kasey leans back in her chair, hands holding the back of her head, groaning. "This is just like Buck with a clipboard," she shakes her head. "Dark times. Dark times."

"I think Chimney is just trying–" Bobby stops himself from talking as Kasey throws him a warning look whilst she sits back normally on her chair. "Forgot what I just said," he raised a hand in surrender. "He shouldn't be annoying my favourite firefighter."

Kasey smiles, "I knew I was your favourite," she whispers in excitement, wiggling in her seat as she taps her fingers against the small available spaces of the table.

Kasey pauses her tapping as her phone vibrates in her pocket, she pulls it out and keeps it hidden under the table as she looks down at the messages popping up:

Eddie: Shannon thinks she's pregnant

Eddie: I'm not ready for that – I don't think I want that.

Eddie: I don't think I want this life with Shannon anymore, it's not the same as it was years ago. I did once love her, but I don't think it was to the point I was ready to be married?

Eddie: I think I lied to you on that shift where I told you I was happy. I'm not happy and I don't think I've ever been truly happy. Only times I know I'm happy is with my family, the 118 and you

Eddie: I don't know what to do Kas...

Kasey frowns as she types a message telling Eddie that she will be at his shortly and quickly turns her phone off at the sound of Bobby's voice. She looks up to see Bobby looking down at his notebook as he writes something down.

"You're coming to our wedding," Bobby tells her. It was in a way an invitation, by an invitation that said there was no way she was getting out of it.

"I thought it was established that the entire team was going?" Kasey questioned as she put her phone in her pocket.

"Yes but they can say no if they're busy, but you – me and Athena won't be truly happy if you're not there Kasey," Bobby puts his pen down as he holds his hands together in front of him, "Athena says she's happy as long as I don't pick the dress and that me, the kids and you are there." He smiles before giving a half shrug, "you're practically our daughter, Kasey."

Instead of something dying within her, something came to life, and Kasey didn't know how to handle that. But she knew, and so did Bobby, that the smile that stretched across her lips was one of true happiness and it was far from being fake.

"I wouldn't miss your wedding for the world, Cap."

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"Christopher deserves you, he deserves his mum," Eddie states at the dining table, Shannon sitting opposite him, and Christopher was at his abuela's. Eddie's phone was turned face up on the table next to his intertwined hands that were placed firmly in front of him as he looked at Shannon, ready to tell her that she wasn't the one who has his heart. "But I," he pauses to think of the right words, but for a break-up – for a divorce – is there actually any correct words to end a relationship? "But I don't think we deserve each–"

"Eddie," Shannon breaths, "I'm not pregnant."

Eddie stops and sits himself up more on the chair, clearing his voice before looking down at his lap and back up at Shannon.

"What?"

"I'm not...I'm not pregnant. I was just late."

"Oh." Eddie utters. "That doesn't matter, Christopher still deserves his mum, but I just don't think we could ever be tog–"

"I wrote this letter," Shannon interrupts once again, "a few years ago, right after I left. Or actually, after I...didn't come back. To Christopher. Trying to explain why I couldn't be there. And I figured that if, for some reason, I never found my way back, that he'd want answers. And he needed to know that...it wasn't his fault. That his mother didn't leave because she didn't love him. She left because she did. I never sent it, obviously. And then when I found out today that I wasn't actually pregnant, I took that letter out, I read it." She shakes her head. "Eddie, I never want to have to send that letter."

"Why would you ever?"

"Because if I try to do this again before I'm ready, there wont be a second chance." She takes a harsh swallow to keep back her cries. "Eddie, I'm not ready to be Christopher's mother, I'm just not. And I know...I know you asked me to come round to end us officially...for a divorce."

All Eddie could do was nod.

"And that's okay," Shannon whispers with a sad smile. "It's okay." She tucks her bottom lip as she gives a painful nod to Eddie. "Just promise me that your heart doesn't belong to anyone but Kasey. That it's her you want to be with."

"It's Kasey," Eddie confirms with a small smile which Shannon returns.

"Good," she sniffles. "That's good. You deserve each other, you know? I see the way you both look at each other, and I, I've never seen you that happy before Eddie. I've never seen anyone that happy before. And Christopher is so happy with her too. You two are good for one another, and I just need you and Christopher to stay happy." Shannon pauses. "Kasey is everything you and Christopher needs and–"

"Kasey doesn't feel the same way."

"How do you know?" Shannon raises her eyebrows. "You don't know if you don't ask her." She leans forwards to tap her hand against Eddie's. "Promise me you'll try with her because I'm certain she feels the same."

Eddie shakes his head in disagreement. "How do I tell Christopher?"

Shannon had no answer except her raising from her seat, saying a small goodbye to Eddie before leaving him alone on the dining table.

He picks up his phone and messages the first person his mind went to, completely ignoring the fact that she's coming later, he needed to speak to someone, and she was the only one on his mind.

Eddie: Shannon and I have agreed on getting a divorce

Eddie: She's not pregnant

Eddie: And I think she just walked out of Christopher's life

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"All right, make way! LAFD!" Chimney leads. "All right, John and Buck, triage the minor injuries. Hen you're with me. Eddie and Kasey, check the driver."

The pair goes to either side of the front doors of the car, Eddie crouching down in front of the red car's open door on the driver's side whilst he unzips his medical bag. "Ma'am, can you hear me?"

"I, um..." Kasey climbs into the passenger seat. "I tried to stop, but I didn't see any of them. Are they okay?" The woman stuttered out.

"Yeah," Kasey says in a gentle tone which carries a slight firmness to it, "we're taking care of the others, ma'am. Right now, we need to see if you're okay."

"Um, m-my neck hurts. Oh, God."

Eddie leans into the car slightly to wrap a neck brace around the woman's neck. "Okay, ma'am, we're gonna put this on you as a precaution until the doctors at the hospital can check you out."

Kasey pulls herself out of the car but stops and turns to look back into the car when she hears the woman stutter again.

"Th-There was a lady. Is-is she all right?"

Kasey head turns to look out at the road where the collusion happened, face falling as she notices and Eddie caught on as he watches her face drop.

'No, no, no, no, no,' Kasey repeated in her head, eyes down casting to the ground as she tries to figure something out, something that would hurt Eddie less. But that was humanly impossible because no one can make someone feel better after seeing some you care for get hurt.

"Kasey?" Eddie's voice reaches Kasey's ears. "What's going on?" She turns to look at him, face falling even further when she notices Eddie turning his head to look out onto the road too.

"Eddie," Kasey breaths before stumbling up to catch Eddie. "Eddie."

Kasey's voice became white noise to Eddie's ears as he rushed towards the woman on the ground. Buck touches him to hold him back but Eddie pushes past him, completely ignoring his and Kasey's calls for him. Chimney stops him next but just like Buck he pushes past and ignores every call he sends his way.

He couldn't hear anything except ringing in his ears.

"How bad is it?" He pants out as Chimney places his hands on Eddie's chest again.

Chimney thought about lying, but he couldn't lie to Eddie, Eddie doesn't deserve to be lied to.

"It's bad."

"Spinal injury?"

"Maybe worst."

Eddie didn't once look at Chimney, not even as he gently pushes past Chimney, pushing his hand away as he tries to reach him once again as he makes his way to his ex-wife, who laid in the middle of a crosswalk.

He kneels down, checking her over as he whispers her name and she greets him like it's a normal day with a simple, "hey." She then asks, "Are you here?"

"I'm here," he offers a small smile.

"Oh, God. This is so embarrassing."

Hen rushes to take the stethoscope out from her ears, "Vitals trending downward."

"All right, let's get her on the backboard! Get her transported, now!" Chimney yells whilst Eddie watches other paramedics take Shannon onto a backboard and places her into the back of an ambulance, but before she gets in her eyes finds Kasey's.

"Look after them," she whispers, but due to Kasey slowly making her way closer to Eddie she was able to hear, and she nods, smiling slightly to silently promise Shannon that Eddie and Christopher will be okay – Kasey will make sure of it.

"I'm riding with her," Eddie says in a voice that told everyone to not try and stop him.

"She's decompensating. We got to intubate her." Hen says just before Chimney dared to stop Eddie.

"Eddie," he places his hand firmly against Eddie's chest, "we put that tube in, there's a good chance it never comes back out." He looks over his shoulder as he notices Eddie's face. "Hen, stop. Do not intubate. Not yet."

"Cap..."

"I know." He looks back at Eddie. "He knows." He then gestures he's head to the back of the ambulance, "get in there and say goodbye."

As the ambulance goes, Kasey sniffles before climbing back into the fire truck, taking the drivers seat as she follows behind the ambulance that trailed behind another fire truck.

Kasey wasn't sure if God existed, but seeing such hurt written across Eddie's fast made her want to climb up to the clouds and murder every God up there for giving Eddie so much pain, pain that he does not deserve.

Kasey cursed them all for being this cruel to a man who didn't deserve any of this.

To a woman who didn't deserve this.

To a child who didn't deserve to lost a parent...

And the moment Kasey reached the hospital, she was the first one to hold Eddie after he showed himself again. The first one to catch him as he fell. And the first one to let him cry in her arms as he clings to her in desperation.

Eddie felt like a child again after he went to his first funeral, he felt like he was a young boy crying and wailing questions to his mum who had no answers about death.

Eddie didn't think he would be feeling this way again for a while, epically after the war, he thought he was going to be okay and that no one he cares about will leave again.

But Shannon did.

She was leaving him all over again, just this time she wasn't going to come back and be a mother to Christopher.

And after Kasey, it was Bobby Eddie hugged next, but he went back to Kasey the second he left Bobby's embrace and all Kasey could do was bring her hand up to his hair, running her fingers through the long locks as she hushes him gently and tells him that they're all here for him.

She doesn't once tell him that everything's going to be okay or that she's sorry, and Eddie appreciates this, he secretly didn't want anyone to say this, and somewhere within him he knew Kasey would be the last one to ever say those words...not until she knew for sure he was going to be alright.

Kasey didn't dare to say it to him though as she knew all he needed was to be held and be told that he has people – that he still got them.

And that was all she did.

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Vanessa Prescott has known Kasey Strand since her birth. Growing up, Kasey befriended Vanessa son, Kit Prescott, who was her childhood best friend before going separate ways just before Kasey went off to fight in the war.

Kit has lived here since 2015 with his boyfriend, but Vanessa moved down to live with Kit in 2017 after the couple broke up.

Then when Kasey came to LA in 2016, Kit and Kasey began to meet up with each other every so often which was later joined with Vanessa after she moved down.

Today, Eddie joins them after Kasey begged him to leave his house for at least an hour and not plan a funeral, she could see being trapped and stressed on planning a funeral was ruining him, and Eddie obeyed and asked if she was busy.

Which, today she kinda was for the morning, but she allowed Eddie to join her in the café that she, Kit and Vanessa was meeting in.

"You've got a kid, right?" Vanessa asked with a smile as she brought her coffee to her lips.

Eddie nods as a real smile dances at his lips for once, it's been a few days since the last time he really smiled, the only times he did was a few very small ones whenever Kasey was round to help look after Christopher whilst he plans Shannon's funeral.

Kasey would try and make jokes whenever Christopher was around to try and keep his spirits up, whilst also Eddie's, and it was nice to see how happy Kasey got whenever either Diaz let out a laugh or a smile.

It even convinced Eddie that soon him and Christopher will be okay, they aren't drained of happiness, and they will be okay again.

"Yes," he smiles. "Christopher, he's one of the best things that has happened to me." Pulling out his phone, he shows both Vanessa and Kit a photo of Christopher whilst Kasey literally beams at the interaction between the three of them.

"He's probably the cutest kid I've ever seen," Kit speaks up, "reminds me of a Koala," both Kasey and Vanessa rolled their eyes as they prepared themselves for Kit's rambles, whilst Eddie throws a questioning look whilst stuffing his phone back into his pocket. "Did you know Koala and human's have very similar fingerprints?"

Eddie shakes his head, "no, I did not know that."

Kasey leans towards Eddie to whisper in his ear, "he's crazy with these animal facts and–"

"Do you ever wish to be a penguin, Eddie?"

Kasey pulls away from Eddie as she stares at her red-headed friend with wide eyes, and she secretly tells Kit to cut it out with her hand moving across her neck.

"Penguins, in my opinion, are one of the most romantic couples in the animal kingdom. When a male finds attraction to a female he will bring her the best pebble and if she likes the offering then they will find pebbles together to build their nest. They even mate for life," Kit sighs as he rests his chin in the palm of his hand, "I wish I was a penguin, and someone would bring me a cool rock."

Vanessa gives Eddie a sympathetic look which leads Eddie to slight confusion because why are they apologising for Kit? He hasn't done anything wrong. In fact, he thinks it's cool that someone has this much interest in animals and happily expresses all tons of information to people like Eddie who aren't so educated in that world.

"You know," Vanessa says as she tilts her head to look at Eddie with a smile that a mother would give their child, "you're the first friend of Kasey's that we have ever had the pleasure in meeting."

Kasey slaps her hand into her face, shaking it in embarrassment whilst a smile makes it way onto her face as she listens to Eddie chuckle next to her.

She hasn't heard him properly since Shannon's death, sometimes there was a very small breathless chuckle here and there, but this time he was looking down with a smile on his face whilst laughter left his mouth.

"Really?"

"Yeah," Kit chimes in.

"I didn't know you wanted to meet them," Kasey said sheepishly as she looked through the gaps of her fingers. She sinks slightly down in her seat as Vanessa sends her a mothering look of 'are-you-for-real?'.

Kasey slowly sits herself up whilst Kit continues to talk, "you must be Kasey's favourite then if she happily allows you to meet two of her most favourite people ever. That must make you a dolphin then, they are Kasey's favourite animals. Did you know that dolphins–"

Kit's voice drowns out to Eddie's ears after he feels Kasey's hand intertwine with his under the table and she feels her gently squeeze his hand.

Out from the corner of his eye, he noticed that Kasey was still looking forwards and nods along to what Kit is saying.

It was only a few weeks ago when the two of them made up this method for each other, around the same time Eddie began to realise that Kasey wasn't okay. Whenever they wanted to secretly ask if the other one is okay, they would hold the others hand and squeeze it. If they squeeze back then they're okay, if they don't then they aren't.

They weren't allowed to lie to one another though.

Eddie likes this method as it doesn't bring attention towards them from other people, and if one of them weren't okay then they didn't need to voice it just yet. They never did it around eyes either, always doing it when or where people couldn't see them because if people saw them holding hands they would think it was something else, when it wasn't, it was just two friends secretly asking if the other is okay.

Yesterday, Eddie only faintly squeezed Kasey's hand at the funeral.

But today, Eddie squeezes Kasey's hand twice, and she smiles.

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"Help, over here, my arm!" The woman moans in pain from the ground as the 118 (still without Bobby) enters the bedroom.

"Guys."

"Yeah."

Hen presses lightly on the woman's hand, listening to her grunt slightly. "I can feel it, but I can't move it. Like, really hurts on my shoulder."

"Looks like a fractured clavicle." Kasey mutters and Hen and Chimney look up at Kasey with shocked looks whilst the firefighter simply shrugs.

"What?"

They shake their heads whilst they continued to look over the woman, "it does actually," Hen confirms Kasey's words and a small, proud smile makes it's way onto Kasey's face.

Curiously, Eddie glances over his shoulder away from the phone on the livestream to smile at the sight of Kasey looking proud of herself for something.

"All I'm saying," Buck voice brings Eddie's attention back as he continues his complaints from earlier, "is that Kasey never has taken me to meet Vanessa or Kit."

"They're nice," Eddie replies simply, smiling playfully as he listens to Buck sigh in annoyance – and his smile clearly brought a lot of attention to the people on the live stream as they commented the cuteness of it.

"Yeah, well, that doesn't mean you have to rub it in."

"Uh, dispatch said something about an animal?" Chimney asked whilst Kasey looked around the room for the animal.

"Yeah, it, um, came out of my face."

Kasey pauses her hunting and turns around.

Eddie stands next to Kasey with his hands on his hips. "What are we looking for, exactly?"

"it was like a little, little worm."

"Like a maggot?" Kasey questioned as she tried to hid her disgust.

"Oh, don't say 'maggot.'"

"You know maggots only consumes rotten things like meat or waste or even overripe fruits and – Ow!" Kasey frowns as she rubs her side from Eddie elbowing her, shooting her a look before looking at the woman's disgusted face then looking back at Kasey with raised brows. "Oh...sorry."

"Think you've been talking to Kit too much," joked Eddie quietly.

"I can still here you," Buck muttered furiously but his voice changes to enjoyment when he spots the maggot on the desk. "Maggot!"

"You been out of the country lately?" Hen asks as she puts a cotton arm brace on the woman.

"Uh, yeah, I actually do a lot of traveling for work."

"What do you do?" Chimney wondered.

"Uh, I'm a beauty and fashion influencer."

"Has your circle of influence included Central and South America?"

Kasey watches in disgust as Buck picks the maggot up with a pair of tweezers and brought it closely up to his face to examine it before dropping it in the small plastic tub that Eddie was holding open for him.

Still, the three firefighters didn't know that they were on camera for a livestream.

"No, no. I mean, I did just get back from Belize."

"Belize is in Central America," grumbled Eddie.

"Oh. Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure."

"Botfly," states Hen as she signs a torch onto the woman – Becca's – face. "Parasite indigenous to Central and South America, including Belize."

Now Becca joined Kasey in watching Buck examine the parasite in the cylinder tub in pure disgust.

"They reproduce by trapping mosquitoes and laying their eggs on them. And then when the mosquito lands on you the egg hatches and crawls right into the feeding site."

"Ew."

"Lovely," Kasey voiced, face squeezed up whilst her eyes stays on her best friend who was still looking at the parasite with pureness – like this was one of the best things he has ever seen.

"Luckily, it looks like you got it out all in one piece." Buck says, eyes remaining on the parasite as he tries to bring good news to Becca.

"They'll be able to extract the rest at the hospital."

"The rest?"

"Think of them as new followers."

Buck chuckles and Chimney's comment.

"Gross!"

The team went round Becca to bring her up onto the stretcher. "Wait," she says as she eyes her phone. "Oh, my God, wait." She stretches her arm out. "No, no, no, no, can somebody grab my phone? No, go back. Hand me my phone."

Eddie and Buck notices the stream and both offer two very different waves to the camera before Eddie awkwardly makes his way to the camera to turn it off.

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"118, 118, this is Dispatch," Kasey heard through her headphones. "We got Bobby Nash on the line. He says it's important."

"Bobby..." Kasey mutters as she shots Eddie, Chimney and Hen a worrying look.

"Wait, what? Dispatch?" Chimney says. "Dispatch, please repeat."

The fire truck in front of them blows up in flames and Kasey screams, hand on the handle of the door as she tries to open it, but it was still locked.

"Buck! Buck!" She screams. "Buck is in there!"

The driver finally unlocks the door and Kasey pushes it open and jumps out in a hurry, but before she can make a dash towards the truck in flames, Eddie grabs her waist and brings her into his chest.

"Kasey! Kasey! No!"

"Buck! Buck!" She struggled in Eddie's grip. "Buck is in there! I need to see Buck! I need – Eddie let me go!"

"Eddie get her behind the truck!" Chimney demands and Eddie begins to drag a fighting Kasey to hide behind the fire truck.

"No! No! No! Let me get to Buck!"

Hen rounds Eddie and Kasey to stand in front of the pair, she brings her hands up to cup the young's firefighter's face. With her fingers, she wipes away the tears falling from her eyes. "You will get both you and Buck killed if we let you go."

Kasey shakes her head as her bottom lip trembles.

"Please," a broken sob left her lips and Hen sighed before letting her face go.

Eddie's grip become tighter the more she tried to wiggle her way out, he brought his lip down to her ear, breath hitting against her neck as he tried to comfort her. With one hand securely round her waist, he runs the other down her arm to overlap his hand with hers, fingers sliding in between hers as he gently squeezes it.

But to none of his surprise, she didn't squeeze back.

He then wraps both arms around Kasey to keep her securely against him.

Chimney went onto his radio and the people on the other side could hear Kasey's shouts a lot more clearly.

"Give me the Captain!" Freddie states as he paces in front of Buck.

"I swear," Kasey said through gritted teeth as tears rolled down her cheeks, "I swear if he hurt either of them more than he already has," Kasey grunts again, "I'll fucking kill him."

Eddie squeezes Kasey hips to try and comfort her but it just made her want to leave his hold and run to Buck even more.

Her best friend was in danger, and she couldn't protect him.

"Where's the Captain?!"

A firefighter pulls them across the ground in pain.

"Hey," Freddie makes his way towards him. "I told you not to move."

"Hey! Hey!" Kasey yelled as she noticed Chimney stomping his way forwards, "why is he going forwards?! Let me go Eddie! Eddie I swear let me fucking go or I–"

Chimney raises his hands up in surrender, "I'm the Captain, okay? I'm the Captain, so please just let me help them, okay? Please."

"He doesn't want him," Kasey grunts as she continues to fight Eddie grip.

"What?" Hen asks. "But he asked for–"

"He wants Bobby." Kasey responded.

"Kasey, please stop fighting." Eddie mumbles softly in her ear.

"Not until I know Buck is okay."

"No." Freddie says as he slowly walk forwards. "No, I don't want you. I want Captain Nash."

Kasey fought once again against Eddie to reach Buck. But Eddie kept a strong grip on her. Kasey begged him to let her go, but he didn't.

He couldn't risk her getting hurt, but Kasey didn't care.

She didn't care if the guy brought out a gun and shot her. She didn't care as long as it meant she can reach Buck and help him. She has been ready to die for him since the start, and if that meant risking her life just so she could reach Buck, then so be it.

So, she continues to fight against Eddie's grip, but she couldn't escape. But she continued to try for Buck.

Then she stopped at the sight of Bobby emerging from the crowd and heading towards Freddie with his hands up, and Kasey cries out, hoping the two guys she saw as family would hear her – hoping that by some miracle that if Freddie heard he would let them go.

But neither three of them heard her angry cries.

Hen now stood in front of, hand resting on Kasey's cheek as she tried to calm the youngest firefighter down – she promised Kasey that they will be alright, but Hen didn't even know if that was a promise she could keep, but she made it anyways as she had hope that they will.

"Wanted you dead." Kasey heard Freddie say and Kasey had to fight her best to not let herself collapse in Eddie's arms from the sight of two very important people in her life in danger, and that she was over here not being able to help.

It felt like someone stabbing a knife through her heart and twisting it.

"I get that." Bobby slowly takes a step forwards, arms still raised. "But what about them? What about him?" He quickly pointed at Buck with his finger in the air. "He's got parents, a sister, a girlfriend, a best friend, and he never did anything to you. He wasn't even a firefighter when your father burned down the restaurant."

"Collateral damage."

"Is that how you see yourself? An unintended victim in all this?" Bobby was much closer to Freddie now, practically face to face with one another.

"Stop," he raises the trigger, "one more step, we all go boom."

Kasey whimpered and all Eddie could do was hold her.

"Freddie, you got dealt a bad hand and I'm sorry about that. But what you did with it – that's a choice. You stopped being a victim the moment you left that first bomb."

"That lawyer – she..."

"Did her job." Bobby raised his voice. "We were all doing our jobs."

"Destroying my family. My mum and I lost everything. She was in so much pain."

"Want to make it worse? You want to make her watch you die?"

With his head, Bobby nodded his head forwards, and Freddie glanced round to see Athena and a detective with his mum.

She quietly mutters out his name, almost calling for the real him to come back home – to come back to her, for the Freddie she was seeing now was most definitely not her Freddie.

"Mum," he tilts his head almost like an apology.

Bobby sneaks up behind Freddie, grabbing him round the chest and held his hand away from the bomb's trigger. The S.W.A.T team came round Bobby and Freddie as they removed the trigger from Freddie's grip.

Out of shock, Eddie's grip loosens, and Kasey takes that chance to break free and run forwards, dodging Chimney who tried to grab her when she ran past, the moment she was close to Buck she skidded on her knees, not caring for the rips in her uniform or the burns that will be on her knees afterwards.

"Kasey," Buck whispers.

"Hey, hey, hey," Kasey smiles, voice strained from the yelling and crying as she taps her hand against the top of Buck's hand to let him know that she was there, and she was here. "It...hurts."

"I know, I know," she mutters, nodding her head furiously as she laid down to try and take a look of the damage of his leg on the fire truck. "We're going to have to lift it."

Buck groans.

The rest of team moves towards Buck the second Freddie is taking away from the scene.

"Still with us, Buck?" Chimney questions, a small lightness tone in his voice to try and distress the emotions around them.

Buck groans and pants again.

"Buck, how we doing?"

"Kind of numb." Buck responds to Hen. He carefully turns to look at Kasey who kneels right next to him. "Kas...can you hold my hand, please."

Kasey nods and very gently places her hand over his in a way to comfort him.

"This girl wouldn't stop fighting her way to you," Chimney shortly laughs.

"I'm gonna run two lines."

"Skin is cold and pale," Eddie states.

"Kasey...don't go." Buck stutters.

"I've got you. I've always got you," she whispers.

"Push sodium bicarbonate. Just hang in there, Buckaroo."

"Hang on, Buck."

"We got to get the truck off his leg," Kasey stressed. "It's the only way to get him free and–"

"Chimney stands up with his radio, "This is Captain 118. We've got a probably crush injury. I need all –"

Chimney pauses as he watches Kasey move her hand off from Buck's and ignoring his quiet calls for her. She shuffled closer to the truck and places her hands underneath the small gap between the truck and the road, attempting to lift the truck up herself as everyone was taking too long.

Kasey prayed to just suddenly gain super strength for a few seconds just to take this weight off from Buck, and the power to heal Buck too. She just wanted today to be over with, for it all to be a bad dream.

And if people were taking to long to lift the fire truck off from her best friend, her brother, then she will attempt to do it herself.

"–hand on deck to move this truck and clear a path to the nearest trauma centre."

Bobby now reaches them as he places a hand on Chimney shoulder. "How's he doing, Chimney?"

"We're out of time, Cap." Chimney turns. "Well, help Kasey and lift this truck off of him, yeah?"

They all prepared themselves as more hands went onto the fire truck.

"Hang on, Buck."

"Everyone hands on."

"Hurry the fuck up."

"You ready?"

"Hang in there, Buck."

"Ready! Lift!"

They all pushed the fire truck up with all their strength, all grunting whilst Eddie and Hen remained by Buck to check his vitals.

Buck screamed in horrific pain.

"Come on!"

They all placed the truck back down.

"You got to lift higher!"

"One more time, guys. Ready?"

"Hang in there. Hang in there."

"One, two, three, lift!"

The grunts of the lifters were repeated along with Buck agonising screaming and Kasey had to squeeze her eyes shut as she tried not to listen to Buck's screams.

"Higher!"

"Higher!"

"Hang on, Buck."

"She's too heavy." Bobby says with a shake of his head.

"We got anything on the truck we can use for leverage?" Eddie suggested.

"No." Kasey shakes her head, eyes now looking down at the ground. "We need more people."

Chimney brings out his radio, "Dispatch, this is the Capt..." he stops when he saw all the civilians watching them rush forwards the second the barriers were pulled away, all running to help them – to help Buck.

They all rushed to the ladders side of the truck to find space to push it up.

"Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!"

"Everybody, put a hand on where you can!"

"All together. One, two, three."

More grunts were heard as they lifted the heavy vehicle up for the screaming man under it, and finally they lifted it just high enough for Eddie and Hen to pull Buck out from the truck.

"We got him! We got him!"

"He's almost clear! Hold it!"

"Keep pulling! All right, we got him out!"

The truck lowered and hit the ground, but it didn't hit Buck for he was finally out.

Kasey rushed forwards, tapping Buck's hand gently once more just so he knows she's there.

"Kasey," he sighs at the knowing touch of his best friend, his sister.

And when they got him into the ambulance, Kasey was the one to ride with him to the hospital as a friend whilst Eddie, Hen and Chimney worked on him.

And when they got there, she went through the glass doors.

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"And a furious Kasey," joked Chimney as he sees the youngest make her way to the group.

"That better be Bobby in a Captain's uniform," she squinted her eyes as examines Bobby, only to break into a smile and give the man a hug when she knew he was back.

"Admit it, Kas," she turns around to look at Chimney, "you do miss Captain Han just a little."

"I wont lie to you Chim," his face lights up in hope, "I was planning 50 ways to murder Captain Han." His face drops and the group chuckles whilst Kasey leans forwards to gently push Chimney right shoulder.

"Things are finally getting back to the way they should be." Hen says.

"We just need Buck." Kasey mutters as she looks around the firehouse that feels slightly empty without him.

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“People assume we choose this life,” Bobby proudly says as he stands in a higher standard uniform at the front with Eddie next to him, hands behind his back, dressed in a proper and professional firefighter’s uniform. “I’m not so sure. Sometimes I think this life chooses us. For those that answer the call, there can be no doubt, no equivocation. It’s not just the lives of those we serve that depend on us, but our own. The lives of our fellow firefighters and first responders. Today we welcome into those ranks a new brother. After a year of hard work and dedication,” he and Eddie turns to look at each other with a fond proudness. “I am proud to officially declare that your probationary period is at an end. Welcome to the Los Angeles Fire Department, Firefighter Diaz.”

Bobby brings his hand to shake Eddie’s, his other hand went to be placed behind the younger firefighter’s back as their hands stayed together for a little bit longer for a photo to be taken.

“Thank you, sir.”

Everyone in the fire station clapped and Eddie looked round the place he has found belonging within, happily. His eyes found Kasey’s first who clapped and sent a playful wink his way, and Eddie smiled brighter before he looked at Christopher making his way towards him with a helmet in his hands.

Eddie meets him halfway as the claps died down to watch the father and son moment, he then crouches down to pick Christopher up. “What do you got for me, son?”

“I got you a helmet,” he whispers.

“Yeah, my helmet?” Eddie responds back quietly.

Eddie raises his son up into a hug, embracing him tightly as he smiles into his shoulder.

“Congratulations, Dad.”

“Oh,” Eddie awed with a breathless laugh, “thank you so much, Christopher.”

After everyone met or said hello to everyone, Kasey found her way to sit next to Eddie as he sits in the chair next to Christopher who was happily eating a slice of cake.

“Well, hello, Mr Firefighter.” Kasey beamed more when she heard the sweet sounds of Eddie’s laughter reaching her ears.

“Hi,” he looks over his shoulder before looking back at Kasey, “I see Buck is finally meeting Vanessa and Kit.”

Kasey rolled her eyes, “they’ve been talking for ages. Think it’s just Kit and Buck now though, last I heard they were talking about penguins.”

“Oh, God,” Eddie laughs, “and you escaped my mother too?”

Kasey playfully hits Eddie shoulder, “oi, she’s a lovely lady, okay?”

“She is, but she didn’t let you come over to congratulate me.”

“Oh,” she arches a brow his way. “You jealous that another Diaz was stealing my attention.”

He shrugs, “well,” he squints his eyes at her, “a congratulations would have been nice.”

Kasey smirks, “well, name your price and I’ll make it up to you.”

“Got to come back to me for that one then,” Eddie lifts his head to look round the room again, “is Jamie not with you?”

Kasey smirk fell to a small smile, “oh, er, no, we er,” she hesitates as she looks at Eddie before looking forward to facing the trucks that were by their table. “We broke up actually.”

“Oh?” He breaths out, brows raising as a familiar warmth heated his cheeks. “You doing okay?”

“It was mutual and for the best.” She pauses for a moment before quietly saying: “I guess I couldn’t like him as much…”

“As much as what?” Eddie whispers back.

They were staring into each other’s eyes, he’s looking right into her, and she was looking right into his, neither of them daring to look away. Kasey then leans back in her seat, head falling back perfectly, resting on the fire truck behind her, she tried to devise the perfect response. She crosses her legs, and his foot was now near hers, and they were still looking at each other.

Kasey then looks away.

After a few seconds she looks back at him only to see that he was still looking at her.

Kasey wonders if she’s ever seen eyes of such a drunken golden haze before, eyes that made Kasey wonder if he could move mountains and shake the ground with a single blink. Kasey has never noticed how his eyes has so much control over her, never realised that maybe, just maybe, those eyes that held more history than the night sky that her very own eyes would sparkle at the sight of, just like they do when staring up at the moon or the stars, were the first reason she fell for him.

Kasey Strand has realised she has fallen for Eddie Diaz.

The realisation was a hard slap to the face, she thought Jamie was going crazy when he was telling her that she liked Eddie and that it was okay. Jamie was the one to give Kasey the wake-up call, the call of that she liked Eddie.

He had no hard feelings for her, just asked for her to be happy, and all Kasey could say was that she will try, and for him that was enough.

Kasey wondered though how long she has been falling for Eddie and how she never noticed this before.

Was this something everyone knew? Did even Eddie know about her feelings? Is that why he was staring at her in a way that no one has ever dared to before?

Kasey knew after the breakup that she liked Eddie, and she sat in her car for ages thinking of everything she liked about him, and she reached the conclusion that she liked Eddie more than she has ever liked anyone, and if she’s being honest, that scared her. She doesn’t want to screw up like she done her enter life, and she believed maybe liking him in silence may be a good choice, but that would kill her from within, so instead, she chose to wait for so many reason.

For herself. And to see if Eddie felt the same. Also due to Shannon’s death and there was few other minor things that told her to wait too.

But Kasey has fallen pretty damn hard for Eddie Diaz, without even realising that she was falling for him, and she hopes if they ever get a chance together, if by some miracle he likes the “broken” girl next to him, then she hopes that she doesn’t fuck it up.

For a slight second, Kasey’s curious eyes flickered down to his lips, she gulps before shaking her head.

“Nothing,” she coughs, looking away from Eddie. “I just couldn’t like him the same way he liked me.”

A/N: Just to note that Kasey did in fact go to Athena and Bobby's wedding. She was Bobby's best man :)