#cost of thriving

[ivygorgon]

Also, check your local library, and get a library card when you do! Even if you never use it ever again, engagement and foot traffic drive their funding! 🙏

Beware!

[miimaker3d]

I don't know why past me decided that this plush bunny that would only be used in a singular cutaway gag absolutely needed to have cloth physics, but here we are ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[soulsilvers]

literally feel like a caveman discovering agriculture for the first time. what the hell is this. feeling proud of my first ever homegrown basil bushes!!

[messangerforthestars]

“We need more morally gray characters” you guys can barely handle topaz and jade.

[sluttynurse]

twitter is borderline unusable but i miss my oomfies from there :/

[burinazar]

Oh, wait, wait, ok, I can tell tumblr my news now.

I was accepted into the JET Program and will be moving to Japan for one year starting in late summer to teach English. : )

I don't know how many other applicants have ever had either of my specific application 'angles'. I think they were both pretty weird, but also very, very me, and I'm pleasantly surprised that they seemed to have worked, going off both by the acceptance and the very positive and warm reactions I got during the interview I had. These were:

Science/scicomm/museum background + implying mutual interest in and love of like insects and sea life could be an avenue of intercultural connection and exchange

India and Japan have always struck me as weirdly similar in ways nobody seems to discuss, especially in both being simultaneously hurtling into modernity and deeply traditional/conservative in many ways and places

So. Is this a silly idea considering most people in this program are fresh college grads, and people my age are expected to maybe be getting more settled rather than hopping continents? Is this a scary idea, considering I'll have to uproot all my shit and go exist in a foreign country whose language I really don't know beyond miniscule smatterings? I mean, hmm, yes on both counts, but I'm very excited. On count one, I'd only get older in the future and demonstrably *don't* already have a settled life and career here to disrupt (lol), and on count two...guys, I'm so so tired of letting fear and inertia make my life decisions.

Time to pack up and store most of my shit and end my lease and. Yeah. Also I haven't actually been to India in five years and will probably try to visit my relatives there in the coming months since idk if i'd had an opportunity for a prolonged visit in the future during the one year (at least) in jp. I'll also be probably selling, trading, or giving away a lot more of my hobby shit (that was sort of an ongoing project already but since I'll be unable to use most of it for a year plus it's another reason to do so), so uh, if you've ever wished I would sell any of my dolls now might be time to commit BJD Hobby Taboo and ask me lol. And, obviously, I'll be studying more Japanese, because mine is incredibly へたくそ at the moment. So much to do. But I'm really excited. And thank you to all of y'all that have been encouraging to me about anything related to this matter <3

[askinnyblackman]

we made it through winter but at what cost

[ethereance]

post s8 allurance has so "it's you!" "Despite everything it's still you" Vibes

Ah yes, the classic pre-trauma post-trauma quote. 100% agreed

[asheoninactive]

i need to like . make a post that like properly constructs my opinion on modern vocaloid music but like i swear they dont make music like they used to nowadays and it kind of blows

[tigercomplex]

noooo. i did not see someone say they don't "believe" in invasive species and that every animal has the right to move around. are you fucking kidding me

[citrine-elephant]

had to turn on assisted mode for this ending

first date and they're already got a child lmao

[mainfaggot]

tw eating disorder talk, pt.2 to the last post in the tags (once again, no mention of numbers that could be triggering, just a heartfelt rant bc I've been so afraid of talking about these things on here, but i really just need to get everything out bc . I feel crazy)

[howthesleeplesswander]

baizhu in his character teaser rEALLY BE OUT HERE LIKE—

does something about this prescription...

-ACTIVATES LILTING VOICE-

-MAXIMIZES BEDROOM EYES-

-STRETCHES ARMS BACK WITH HANDS IN HIS HAIR-

...displease you?

asdfkdfjdks i'm screaming howling foaming at the mouth gOD PLEASE JUST BECOME PLAYABLE ALREADY, I NEED MY DENDRO DOCTOR BABYGIRL IN MY LIFE ASDKFLD

[katyspersonal]

It just will forever baffle me how unfair he has been. He kept constantly blaming me for all that was going wrong in his life, he could get upset to the point of wanting to hurt himself or worse over things as little as me disagreeing with his creative ideas or not wanting to listen to something he wanted to share at the moment, he abandoned his friend he knew for two years because he got interested in me too much to give her enough - and then because he convinced himself she didn't care for him anymore.

And I knew, all along, that I was not right for him. I kept telling him to keep reaching out and seek friends that he'd actually like and actually get along with. I kept insisting that he was doing it to himself by clinging to me where clearly he hated me to the point I could've hurt him by as much as setting up boundaries, having different opinions or having limitations as a human being. I told him that that friend he abandoned still cared for him and he could not just decide FOR her. But over and over, he denied everything and begged me to stay, saying how much he wanted to have future together, how I was like a sister he lost a chance to have, how we were supposed to share life experiences together and how I was the only one that felt "real". I kept sticking around despite the abuse, despite how much he was ruining my mental health and my social life (being abused distances you from even close people), all because I could not stand seeing him so hurt and alone. And the last deceit hurt especially bad, because he made me truly believe him. He said something that made me lose my guard, my focus on the fact that I was just a placeholder in his life until he finds someone fitting.

And just like I kept saying, as soon as he got enough money for good life, his mental health improved upon switching meds or something, he met a new friend and reconnected with that exact one he abandoned earlier - he declared me a dead weight on his life that has only been "killing" him and declared that the almost two years he spent with me were just a bad dream he was happy to finally forget.

I knew all along that the best thing I could do for him was to leave him, but I never did. I should have before he stopped caring for me entirely out of blue, because now he didn't even learn anything. He lost nothing of value in his eyes, just a person that "wasted his time". So what if his current friends """fail""" him again? He'll just seek an outlet in new ones, until they prove "useless" and he'll ditch them too, and so on. Some people just can't appreciate someone's personality, they only value people for what they can give to them. Or.. is it just me? At times I am genuinely annoyed when people tell me I am a valuable person and anyone who can't love and appreciate me is an idiot, because on the contrary, in my life all people that despised me and saw me as a waste of their time the most were all high IQ, very well-read and educated, very sophisticated individuals. Clearly, there is a correlation between being very smart and deeming me as human garbage - in a way jealous haters, hypocritical control freaks and callous ableists I've met online never could.

Honestly, sometimes I should decide for someone else. I always knew he hated me and splitting with me was to the better for him, but I let his tears and clinginess force me to feel bad and go back every time. And to doubt that maybe I was the delusional one and could not be sure of someone else's needs. Honestly, guys - when you are given every single indication that you are hated and only kept around out of their fear of loneliness and low self-esteem... it is all there is. It is not a situation where you should listen to your heart, to hope or to give benefit of the doubt. Being abused is something you can only comprehend with mind and knowledge, there is no bigger story and no intricate matters.

Still, I hate how as painfully stupid and naive for my age as I am, I've been able to understand things way more correctly than a much older, much more mature person with high intellect and tons more of life experience. I was right all along, but I hate being right sometimes. And I hate always being discarded as soon as people's lives improve. I hate always being just a placeholder. Apparently, no one whose life is good would ever want to burden themselves with me.

[remyfire]

so if a ficcer had a lot of stories with beejhawk but they also wrote idk peg/female OC would you not read anything from them yet? jw because I’ve nvr heard of your method b4!

I don't even know if I'd call it a method, so that's probably why hksdfsd more just a really hungry desire to build up my characterization of them in a way that can maybe be unique to me!

Also that's a very good question, and I wouldn't know until I gave them and/or their summaries a look to see if they're up my alley :D

[anyataylorjoys]

the whole reason I stay off twitter is to avoid witnessing people making celeb drama out of nothing and/or picking fun at others persistently, just for people to bring those same tweets to tumblr. #Keep Twitter Off Tumblr 2023