#cos i fucking guess thats just how my brain is

[lokh]

ok. the other problem i have is that i simply do not have the brain for combos

[absolutebl]

Soooo, I need some help, in the form of a reality check. Can you do a little analysis of ZeeNunew irl (if you even pay attention to that). My problem is this: I ship them! Not psychotically, but they are persistently in my brain (along with MaxNat, but I think thats just because Nat is such a physically perfect twink i just really wish he had a boyfriend. That and their upper thigh caresses during cutie pie reaction videos). The issue is that I am very...trusting?...easy to convince? So when I see videos or posts like "X and X boyfriends" or "Couple X being cute together" (which I generally don't watch, but some slip through) I'm like "oh that seems real" until someone else comes in w/the logic (ex you've mentioned Tul and Apo being confident w/a good background so they just fuck w/shippers and it made me realize i was just one of those dumb people who didn't get it at first.)

Part of the problem was I started watching BL pretty recently w/no background info on the genre,

and I'm not much of a behind-the-scenes watcher so it took a while for me to understand that the studios are promoting the ships, and the actors are ACTING, so therefore reasonable adults don't take the ship or irl flirting seriously. I had just assumed when they're not in the show they're being themselves, so, I dunno, I guess I just thought there were a lot of gay actors in Thailand or something.

I'm very embarrassed now, but I just didn't know. I don't follow celebrities but I feel like they don't do this in America so I just thought "it must be real!" Rather than "they're exploiting those poor babies"

I just get such shysweetloving vibes from them. I know Zee is great at adoring his partners, and Nunew responds so sweetly I just squee all over them, but I want to be a responsible fan and not do that. Help me out, give me external validation I'm just being stupid.

How to get over Thai BL Pair Branding 

Ah, they got ya, did they?

You shouldn't be embarrassed. They are actors, it's their job to persuade you to believe in an alt-reality, and this is some very insidious marketing tactics. Also it's pretty unique to Thailand. Also if you come from watching western cinema, we are used to Hollywood actors falling in love with each other and ending up in disastrous marriages from being on set together. It seems normal.

There are a few out gay actors in Thailand, but as yet there hasn't been any actual relationships to come from a BL. And if I were them and got into one, I would stay FIRMLY in the closet.

It's a little like buying that coffee drink because it looked good on IG and then being like, “oh, THIS is disgusting, I feel like an idiot.” Only with more emotional manipulation and not spending $8 on liquid sugar.

Not that I blame the actors! They are being told to do this, some of them are just better at it than others.

Frankly Max & Nat are better at cobranding because they have been together for so long. Sometimes you can see Zee & Nunew drop the act at the end of interviews when they are really tired.

I actually really don't like this aspect of BL, so I don't often watch things designed to encourage pair shipping (variety shows, bts, fanmeets).

I have the cure, ready?

Watch TharnType.

Then go on an internet deep dive about what happened to MewGulf.

Ta da!

You'll be cured.

I have a few things written about this as a marketing tactic here:

Co-Branded BL Couples & Thai Studios - pairs and marketing tactics (written before ZeeNunew and intentionally avoiding MewGulf, PerthSaint, ZeeSaint and all the other catastrophes).

It's like learning how to read a label on a soap bottle or an ingredients list on food packaging, your eye will eventually get trained to see what's actually happening, but it takes a while.

I talk some more about pair branding, parasocial relationships, and why I really dislike IRL shipping here. 

Here’s the bit where I got mad about skinship fantasies around misunderstandings of other cultures, especially Thailand. 

Honestly there are many reasons I prefer to talk about characters, and narrative structures, and not actors. 

(source) 

[chronicallyuniconic]

Everything going on has started to weigh on me, I guess I'm processing but it's slow.

I haven't had any news from anyone, so this waiting period is starting to make me anxious. Yes, yes, no news is good news, but I still won't know what's going on if thats the case.

My head has been filled with tension all day & my heart keeps fluttering. I'm walking into rooms & catch my mind saying to itself "what am I doing in here?" but it's like it's another version of me asking, my body is separate from my thoughts.

I can barely string a sentence together without stumbling my words or using the wrong ones repeatedly. It's like half my brain has just decided to fuck off & I'm trying to put it back together.

Everything's confusing. Changing the channel. Writing this. Trying to make dinner. Going to the bathroom.

I'm wandering but my mind is way gone. Idk who I am or what this is and I guess I'm supposed to just accept it and not let it bother me or upset me cos that will only make me worse and everyone else sad. But I can't stop thinking about what's happening in my brain.

When will my next seizure be & is it going to scare the shit out of my love again, his worry, worries me. What parts of my brain might it affect & how many days will it take me to recover this time?

I read about SUDEP for 30 seconds and left it cos it's not a road I even wanna contemplate being a reality, yet. Why sink further into the hole right?

I wish more people knew about seizures, the lack of understanding seems to run wild with all longterm illnesses unfortunately.

[smileyg0th]

i just want to rant about how much i adore matt maltese. i’ve always listened to him, especially in my childhood cos i grew up hearing some of his music. recently (28th march), i saw him live in detroit. it was genuinely the most magical thing i’ve ever experienced. i’m so grateful that i was able to have my first concert be him. he was a bit late. he got caught in customs at the airport. i waited SO EAGERLY while others performed in place of him for that time. he arrived around 9pm, i genuinely started screaming like a little girl seeing one direction in 2010. genuinely i don’t think i’ve ever sung along to music more carelessly. i didn’t mind my voice cracking or me being off key. i quite literally just belted out all his fucking symphonies he’s created. i’m very selective with my music choices so i didn’t know every single song. i knew most of them though yeah? my mom’s favorite was called “strange time”. my dad knew “kiss me” because it’s a cover of a different song. my sister eagerly recorded it all to show her friends. she was so happy when the songs i taught her started playing, especially the ones she knows from tiktok (i don’t have tiktok so i don’t remember which ones. probably “as the world caves in”). i was so incredibly happy. i was jumping around and dancing and singing without any care. the bass and drums shook the whole place and i LOVED it. me and my mom belted “mother” together and me and my sister danced around on the balcony when “everyone adores you” played. my sister is so sweet. she yelled “I KNOW THIS ONE!!!!1!1!1!1!” every time a song she knew played 😭😭😭😭 /vvvvpos. during the encore i was really sad cos he didn’t end up playing my favorite song (intolewd). i was in the middle of (jokingly) throwing a fit when he started playing it and i SWEAR it was magical. hearing my favorite song live was absolutely a dream come true. there was a disco ball on the ceiling and it lit up during the chorus. i think it’s getting popular on tiktok and that’s why the disco ball lit up. which honestly kind of irks me cos like THATS MY SONG !!! /j. i went home all giddy from the concert. it felt like a dream. i’ve still got a cup from the bar they had there. had the YUMMIEST most SCRUMPTIOUS pineapple juice there bluh 😭🙏 /pos. we got pizza on the way home. it was like a 45 minute drive so i ate it at home. it was like 11:30 when we got home. everyone went to bed. i sat at the table with my messed hair and some random sweater cos i got cold and i ate pizza. was probably the most peaceful moment in my life so far. recently i had a brain scan, like 2 days ago i think. i’m very medically complex and need hospital a lot so when my schizophrenia symptoms got worse i was immediately ordered an mri. i grew up in the hospital and got them regularly until i was 6, but i was always sedated for them. this was my first one that i went through awake. they asked if i wanted to watch a movie during it or listen to music and i INSISTED music. i had a full blown panic attack in there because it was so fucking loud and overwhelming. but guess what!!!! i was listening to matt maltese through a damn stethoscope and that bitch helped me!!!!!!! i, for some reason, thought i was gonna die in there or something so i was shaking like a leaf but i genuinely stopped immediately hearing “krystal.” i don’t know why his music is so therapeutic to me. i got through it and came out halfway through “jupiter”, from the same album as “krystal.” i can’t explain how much matt and his music has helped me through literally everything. i’m sure he’s saved my life SO many times. god i could go on for HOURS about him. i just remembered his song “philadelphia” and OH MY GOD i’m fighting not to rant more about him and that song. i’m gonna stop here. literally nobody is gonna read this giggles

[leclercenjoyer]

tagged by my beloved @ayceeofspades thank u 💖

tagging @wolfiemcwolferson @duquesademiel @river-ocean @gaslybottoms

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

11 (10 under my username and 1 on anon)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

30,363! my goal for the year was to hit 20k total so ive already smashed that

3. What fandoms do you write for?

f1 babyyyyy

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

something borrowed (my first fic which im genuinely quite proud of)

tip of the tongue (literally just pwp)

treat with care (girl brainrot)

no poor substitute (my a/b/o unwellness which was. shockingly well received)

helping hand (esteban hand propaganda)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i WANT TO but i always feel so awkward and i never know what to say 😭 i dont know how to adequately express my emotions so i just end up. never getting around to it and i feel BAD ABOUT IT

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

muscle memory... its like. my singular angsty fic. the ending is nice and hopeful right up until i shatter it with a hammer but it Had to be done. its simply how it is.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i think all the other ones!! possibly no poor substitute or treat with care because they both end on an "oh this is a New Relationship now" while something borrowed and tip of the tongue are both more like. we were already hooking up but i guess its serious now.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no and if i ever did i would cry forever

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

almost exclusively jdkjhdkjhs it is my Favored Terrain. i feel like my smut is. emotional and grounded? or at least thats what i hope.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no, not that im aware!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

non! but i would be delighted if anyone did.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but i hope to one day!!!

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

i have been thinking about pierresteban literally non-stop for the past 14 calendar months i am so fucking sorry to everyone who knows me

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

my singular wip on ao3 is on anon and... i dont know if i'll ever finish it but i hope i will at some point. and as for unpublished wips... i have a lot. i dont know if ill ever get around to finishing most of them.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i have consulted the gang and i have been told that i am good at tying the physical and emotional together (which is something i do Deliberately try to do as much as i can) and that i am very meticulous with what words i choose to use to carry a mood

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

DIALOGUE GOOD GOD. every single bit of dialogue ive ever written has been like pulling teeth. the thing is i dont know how to talk like a human person and i dont know how human people talk so it is my worst nightmare. one of my eternal wips is one i started and got like 3k words into before realizing that the dialogue would have to do the heavy lifting for the rest of the fic and then i was like "oh god damn it im an idiot arent i". also sentence structure that isnt subject-verb-object. but im kind of leaning into it tbh.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

my honest to be honest opinion is just. write the dialogue in english and if you NEED to specify what language the character is speaking just be like "he says in [language]" UNLESS the pov character doesnt understand what theyre saying. literally simple as that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

f1 baby!!! this is literally the first fandom that has broken through the barrier in my brain thats kept me from writing fic my entire life. not even amc's the terror 2018 could do that.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

honestly? something borrowed. it was the first fic i ever completed literally in my life and i have such a soft spot for it and people were so UNBELIEVABLY nice to me about it!!!!

[animalinvestigator]

Dont tell me anyone actually thinks the worst thing that happened to kids on the internet in the 2000s and 2010s was seeing porn. LOL. People are so fucking blind its literally unbelievable. Just because we have DIFFERENT problems on todays internet. Does not mean that it was "Safer" before. Ok? Capiche we all understand? This is like the third unbelievably dumbassed post ive seen talking about how The Algorithm has made the internet Dangerous and it wasnt Dangerous before unless yoy made Bad Choices. It wasnt dangerous before guys cos i was fine! Thats cool. Thousands of people got child abused on here many of such situations resulting in lifelong psychological damage Others got exposed to brain rotting political radicalization at a young age Others got scarred by violent & horrific sexual and gore content that was like the MOST regular to be linked as a JOKE back in the 2000s & early 10s, I still see those images when i close my eyes sometimes. But cos you were on here playing club penguin i guess none of that really happened. Cool cool. Fucking grow up and get over your sense of superiority this has ALWAYS been a dangerous place for children

[ginnsbaker]

This chapter was so juicy omg lets get straight into it

Agatha literally embodies me 😂 everything shes said i’ve either said or thought. From her saying she never had faith in reader’s relationship with yelena to calling it a rebound. She’s exactly right and i’ll come back to those two quotes a little later. The other thing about sparky being a mastermind is something I genuinely thought earlier on i was like aw damn the dogs bringing them back together but I didn’t say anything and now i really wish i did cos same agatha same 😂

Im gonna speak about wanda briefly here and then I’ll come back to her affer. But in that whole conversation with agatha she’s very mature about the whole thing considering reader kissed her. She’s not getting excited about it out of respect for readers relationship(that’s already over but she doesn’t know that yet) shes also being cautious because of what happened last time with reader.

Im glad Valkyrie apologised and that wanda didn’t string her along honestly did not want another reader yelena relationship for lack of better words.

Vision is gone thank fuck for that he will not be missed.

Natasha. Quite possibly one of the saddest parts of the series. Nothing hurts quite like a friendship breakup between best friends. I said it last time and my views haven’t changed. Nat is supposed to be readers friend, while I completely understand why shes angry it makes sense yelenas her little sister and i get it but reader is also her friend. It a complicated situation because its very difficult to be neutral. Reader shouldn’t have cheated full stop. However, if we’re being realistic some could argue reader has been emotionally cheating since the start considering the love for wanda was always there. But back to my point this relationship should never have happened to begin with or at least not when it did. Yelena shouldn’t have pursued reader and reader shouldn’t have dated her either especially not without having the therapy that is so desperately needed. Im not blaming yelena or saying nat’s reaction is wrong because i truly understand both sides its just really sad that this is how its ended. Im not sure what your plans for nat are for once i genuinely dont have a clue.

I think its very ironic that at the start of this wanda didn’t really have that big a support group but now thats kind of the reverse because reader now has no one. I also think its very like idk what the word is “impactful” i guess that now reader’s lost everyone but wanda is still there for them.

Back to wanda. Idk how to feel because we know what happened to wanda last time they entered this sort of arrangement and i really don’t want it to again because she has made so much progress. On one hand i feel like she won’t let herself go back that far but the ones we love can be our weakness sometimes. And on the other hand it seemed different this time less aggressive like the way reader cushioned wandas head. But one thing I didn’t like was reader leaving with no aftercare i saw someone else say it and I definitely agree. PSA to everyone aftercare is so so so important okay? Good. And i also don’t like Wanda missing therapy because of this arrangement it feels like a step backwards (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing in terms of story writing cos like i said last time recovery is not a linear path and its really validating that you’ve included that)

And finally pietro. Oh dear god the anticipation is killing me. Ive been dying for chapter 17 and its almost here. He knows why wanda missed the sessions (or at least suspects) and i think hes got a picture of wanda in the hospital or maybe after he found her (im not quite sure who found wanda after she overdosed I don’t remember but uno what i mean💀) and hes gonna send it to reader maybe saying back off

I swear im in love with your brain youre incredible I can’t wait for chapter 17

-🧃

Reading your comments/thoughts is always a favorite habit of mine whenever I post an update. Like, srsly dude, I look forward to it.

There's something you highlighted that I did not even intended in the story: I think its very ironic that at the start of this wanda didn’t really have that big a support group but now thats kind of the reverse because reader now has no one. I also think its very like idk what the word is “impactful” i guess that now reader’s lost everyone but wanda is still there for them.

I guess that happened naturally. I mean, when you're maintaining a positive vibe in life and taking care of yourself in general, suddenly there's room for people in you life who also want to share the same outlook in life. You attract good energy. You're able to take care of relationships around you because you're in a good place. I guess that's what happened :)

Yes, aftercare is really important. R is neglecting herself, wasting away, so she really is incapable of thinking about another person's needs at this point.

My mind?? Look at your mind! Look at what you'll think Piet would do O_O

Once again, thank you! I super enjoy reading your points!

[eroticcannibal]

Hey Risu I think ud have some sound advice about this... I want to learn to draw n be an artist (digitally) but my brain screams when I try cos I'm new n not good at all and idk how to counteract the brain so I can draw shitty things until I get good.... It's hard to have fun when my brain is saying I'm shit and should quit :( Any advice? (I love ur art on ur art blog BTW... Ur art is good but like, not what I'm used to seeing and it's kinda nice to see how a hobby artist art looks cos I'm so used to more professional artists who take comms on twitter)

I was thinking of doing some of my shitty art to song lyrics (they're some of my fav, I draw my ocs in some sort of pose and then slap the lyrics on top in fancy font text or write it on my drawing tablet by hand) - and just don't care how bad it looks but I'm unsure if I can get my brain to not scream at me for not being enough long enough to do it :(

Any advice would be nice <3 p.s. My art is so bad it's like a kid trying to draw (derogatory but only at me) n I don't really have anyone in my life for support cos if it's not good they don't care :/// (well I have one friend, he's also a hobbyist as well, rarely draws cos he has the same issue of not being good and perfect type deal)

Oh hey its how I feel about my art 24/7 (and how most artists do!) So I will run u through all the things I find helpful

Listen. Brains are little bitches, ok? They LIE. They are MEAN. You need to practice telling ur brain to shut up. Like "hey, thats not fucking nice, I'm not listening to u until u have something helpful to say!" And its hard, cus its you, but with practice it gets easier to ignore ur brain being on one. Treat it like a toddler who is kicking off and calling u mean names cus u won't give it chocolate. "Thats nice dear im busy with my art". Like u gotta remember, for anyone trying to get started with art, it looks like a kid trying to draw because that's when most people stopped drawing. Same with any other skill u stop in childhood. My kid struggled so much with handwriting due to being ND that it switched to typing and guess what? Still has the handwriting u would expect from a small child. Because it stopped writing as a small child. I have the coordination with running and throwing of a young kid cus thats when I stopped doing sports. People who stop reading books young will find it harder to read books for an older audience. U do those kiddy drawings, do lots of them, you WILL get better.

Another thing. Heres a secret. For every artist, the majority of what they produce is shit. No really, all of them. Not just the crap you have to produce to git gud, but like, every amazing piece of art you have seen has like at least 5 fucked up sketches that got scrapped. Whole bits of painting that got covered up. All art is made up of mistakes and fuck ups. And even if u are sat there going wow this is perfect! The artist is DYING because they can see a hundred little mistakes that u cant. Art is all about perspective and honestly the perspective of the artist is the worst one. We are too familiar with the details to see our art for what it really is.

The thing that helped me most tho was when I went to art museums in Paris. I saw so much "good" art and im like. OK. This is technically good I guess? But it was kinda meh. The museum of modern art was the most disappointing cus, and listen I stan modern art ok there was some good shit in there, but there was a fucking rack of skis. Someone gone bought some skis and put them away and thats art. Hello? Oh someone painted some squares and came up with some deep meaning and im meant to be impressed. And then I go outside for a fag and I open tumblr and see some crappy 2 minute MSpaint vent art and u know what? It made me fucking feel. It make me feel like NOTHING in that museum had. Who is fucking deciding what "good" art is? I dont remember being consulted! I dont think I fucking agree that "good" art is good! I think shit art is good! Some fucking ship art scribbles has more meaning for me than the fucking mona Lisa, yknow?

And then I went to an exhibit of Picasso's sketches and doodles. Napkins with little scribbles on and shit. And they were so normal. Nothing impressive. And it was wonderful. I've done better sketches! I promise u u have done better than some of that stuff. Honestly so many artists aren't even "better", they're just successful. And idk but I think success is a poor way to measure arts worth.

There is a genuine magic to a hobby artist just. Doodling what makes them happy. Not for money, not for fame, not for skill, just because they want to. Art for arts sake, yknow?

Also I understand it can be very hard to share ur work but I would encourage u to do so with ppl u trust to give u fair feedback. Feel free to send me what u make I will be more than happy to tell u how great it is

[system-of-a-feather]

Co-hosting dynamics in this system is that like... XIV and I are very much a yin-yang duo; very opposites in most ways but very much let things be and exist so long as they aren't harming anyone / ourselves and just support each other even though most of what the other likes makes zero sense cause it works better that way

And i'm just like laughing my ass off. It sounds like far more energy than its worth to uh CORDINATE MULTIPLE RENTERS TO GET EVERYONE THEIR NEEDS MET but also like, when it comes to stuff like this, while I don't want to do it, I know XIV is more than fine regularly keeping tabs on it and just giving me a few maintence things to support his projects so like... whatever, I guess this guy who shares my body wants to do this and I really don't care for it but if he wants to, sure. Go at it boy

But dude do I always just sit here and go bro, what the fuck at everything on how he lives his part of our life. Mad support it cause its done us well but like, bro

As someone who is a very organized, loves structure, peace and stability orientated person, I just look at how he lives and goes "ok sure, ill support it but the effort gets to come from your side of the brain, Ill just make this work for me as well"

Cause honestly I wouldnt have initiated it, but I am more than enjoying the idea of enabling and promoting communication between my neighbors and fostering a more communal environment and that is one important half of whatever the fuck XIV is doing over there.

So sure, Ill play the role he wants me to in this plan of his I guess. He was like ok wait does Riku have a benefit out of this plan or is this solely self serving and was like "Yo do you want to make friends and foster a positive communal environment with our neighbors" and Im like

.... yeah sure thats probably gonna be fun and good. and dude just like went "AIGHT then we are good to go you handle the nice people stuff I handle the revolution"

And Im just like

-_-

ok, we are doing this I guess

So long as I just have to deal with fostering a good environment and you handle whatever the fuck bullshit you wanna pull since it is helping people I guess.

I'll never turn down fostering a communal environment.

But OK.

Like love XIV to death, absolutely, best bro; but being co-hosts with him - even with our synergy has me just sighing in amusement and just "going with it" cause specifically with XIV there is like, no point in telling him not to do something he wants to do anyways.

I do enjoy, to some level, the spice him being co-host gives me cause I'm far too routine of a person anyways.

[solardick]

So i walked past this girl today. Whike getting coffee and she gave me attitude as she walked oast ne cause i wasn’t oogling her. Yup. I hate life.

You werent that pretty girl. Youre too overdone. And im pretty sure ive been dosed with soemthign again. Becaus ei have no drive and all i can feel is my rectum. Its disturbing. Like i soend all night beign fucked while unconscious. Maybe its prostate cancer. And im about to become impotent.

Sorry, no life for you. You are now abject. From everything.

Thinkbill complete the imf course and then apply to the training course. And then boom.

How long does it take to die from prostate cancer.? …. Awh. Its not very good. High chance of survival. Naw, im peeing fine.

Awh, what happened to ted lasso? It’s all a chick drama. Fuck season two. The forst season was great. Skip to the end of season. Whats the outcome?

Clench clench clench clench. Muscle gonna get sore.

Guess im never gonna know what not feeling abused is like. In a world thats hypes peace and love. What a bunch of bullshit.

Maybe its the pine apple. Or the “dominance of venus aspects with transiting mars. They are stealing mars from me. The whole controling projectstions thing they do day in and day out.

So what to do with all this time off? Too much co trol and oppresion to be able to fucntion anyeay.

Of course. Ted lasso gors from supper positive, proactive and supportive and motivational to season two of a feminine drama to season three of homosexuality. Touch media. Keep uo the brain eashing.

I need a ciggarette. Keep my idealized depression going and gove me an upper to whatever brain chemical produces functional behavior. And more unatural weather varying 25+ degrees a week. Right god? Or ehatever they doing to the weather.

Oh and its a day for crows. Waiting to devour ny fucken soul.its like a giant turd. Spreading out its arms wanting to hug you.

In going to go hang out at work. 20+ years of solitude and debasemment have left me insane. To be alone. So we take to mars and we go to venus.

So the baseball manager is fired and,

So the girl is gone. Maybe it was the devil card that did it. I did everything right. Guess we had near exact aspects. Guess she couldn’t handle me reflecting back her own bs. It was so nicely done too. Cause i gave it to the guy that she used to flirt with to hurt me, to give to her.

Alright whos the next girl? Im starting to win these. And since ive already been raped thi k it may be safe now. For other pwoole to mind therir OWN FUVKING BUSINESS.

Oh look that girl just gave me a nod of approval.

Should have seen their faces when i showed up and said yeah, i’d rather be here then watching gay tv. All of their faces sunk and showed disposition. Bunch of queers. And well for ted lasso was pretty much the experience i was being guided through at the time of its release. From a new start full of motivation. To a drasic change of queer bs. And then they raped me. Well atleast the forst season is safe. Im gonna binge that until its memorized. And i can role play as him.

Civilization only looks like a simulation because is lot f eats it is. It is basses asround sn organized script witH its own mathematical laws emdeded into the vary fabric of society. Took generations to perfect. Its an artificial plan for an artificial life. Robotics.

Whatever. Ive been being treated sexually since i was 6 years old. Your fucken system stile everything from me even childhood. I dont want to be alive anymore. And then family stole my you g adulthood and now they are dtealing my maturity. Theres not a dtate in my life where i dont get fucked over.

Ok so Russians and war. Current dialogue says to refrain from russian influence. That they are an enemy to the current state of affairs and are being a real irritate to the peace and dove agenda of the wanting wor’d order. Its curious in comparison that the films releases here say, that plugging into artificial reality is discouraged. Attention needs to be paid to reality. Focus and attention on real world matters is suggested. This also in line to “covid” as does sword art alone. The japenesse series places thr timing of its event on 2022. Wile being released to the public on 2012. Shows a trap in virtual reality, while all reasoning is to escape the imprisonment. Eventual the protagonists do. But remain there afterwards. With the use of free will and choice. And the american film. 2012. Shows a world being swallowed by the ocean.

If one goes to, or went to duolingo and chose russian the first word they learn is stupid. With in this bubble of conditioning. Any attempt to move forwards in the strengthening the proactive use “masculinity” towards the power of logo. Is discouraged. Subject must needs divergence from natural script. Taken out and drowned in lies.

Trying at outmost to steal the only connection one had left. All good will. And the presence of god guiding me true. When the atmoshpere turns and is impregnated eith meaning. And if one fallows it. leads to the wondrous. Uplifting stabilizing kiss of an angel.

It’s, fucken miraculous.

I hope a get to see her again. It feels my heart with intimacy. Hahah only from an angel.

It does feel like a turd. Well they are selling turd toys. Hot to catch them young.

Just got to live a life of being forced to be dissatisfied. Dont get want you want, dont get what you need, you dont get a say.

Hmm feel those muscles.

And no to becoming a desire driven invalid. That knows no bounds. Nope. I cut that thread it was nothing but evil and death. Haunted by the family and all these supporters. I was born in hell. Thats all there is. With their gross shit encrusted finger grappling on to me. Got to create a new emergence scene, one away from the evil feminine and the degenerate, delinquent masculine. Into the abscence of bs with the effeminate. Same script. Almost died. Didn’t matter.

Quit watching tv or gaming. Out effort in repairing myself, still under constant destabilizing pressures. But then i was lured and guided to walmart. And its pisces capital. All motivation being sent towards acquirement. Haha. Framing my disposition towards their goals. Making sure im a wreck. Set up experiences. As desperation grew ever more towards that peace of angel or just even a mutual back and forth. Nothign matters. Continue the show. Where do i go? What do i see? What do i feel?

Who am i here to please?

So we will fallow through on the opportunity to de-toxify. Think about shape. Work on healthier habits. And then. I lose everything and have to start over again.

When i stop feeling my ass. That be great. Im not sure if a need to take a shit or take a dick. Or if their both the same thing. I aint fucken ifentifying with that. Mars venus meecury mars venus mercury. So many positive relastionship aspects and here i am alone. Ass tingling. Fantastic. Guess their never going to stop. Think i might need some medication soon. Like an anti depressant. Theuy’d bever give me a gun though.

But at any rate. When it comes to designing a deck. Using a preset. Writing out a list of power words and attaching to them images one would like to see. And then setting them to script. Add in numerology. Namely the law of the scriptless. And attch that to the calendar. With trued attaention of the clock. A triple layer. The forth layer consist of “surface appearance” and the various association that can be implicated.

From this the mind can pick up various interconnected patterns. Swaying through layers to near 500 000 posibilities. 27 to the power of four.

That be fun.

There’d have to be a rule for the stance of each letter depending on its position in the power word. As if the E-fool was kept. All words starting with E. E is a complex number. It extends at length to an infinite object. Whether. Its a stop sign or a go. Remember there are no go signs. Ever. Is a power word. It includes all. Or excludes all. Never ever. Every- thing-one-body-time.. Extend. Extinguish. Endeavour. And one may see the difference the second letter fallowing E has in shaping to harmony. Though i dislike how endeavour starts with an end. Like end favour.

Which is…. Cool, considering the E card for the above is found inside the Emperor. Standing for letter F. One can fallow the predesvribe order. And focus on changing the image itself of the emperor to the scripts antagonist. Since you know Fuck, is an Ever word. And fail. Fall. Feel, fleet, fly, finger. Fish flow. Fact. Fun. So F isnt so Fun at the 4th level word. Or so dumb crap like that. Its late im tired. And my ass is still “sensible.” Im afraid to go near it.

Hm, guess the only thing i was ever ment to focus on in life was sex. 6 years old. Not allowed not to be. Its just keeps coming from without. Wtf, right? I dont know. Theyre jsut going to keep doing it. And i may be out of a job again. Because people wont leave me be. I dont want to get drunk and killmyself. Thats a shitty way to go. Id rather a gun.

Its time to send me a sexy Adreian. All chill and relax and sensous. Fill me up good. All inknownis sex drigs and violence. Indont knwo anythign else. Im not allowed to. Ive never felt loved before. Not from a person. Only my angel. Only from an animal.

My butt is gonna be so tight. He’s gonna love it. Im no stranger to the dick i was born and bred for this shit. Over 30 years training. You’ll never go back. Oh rats. I finished on pussy. God dammed it.

Thank you lord, god and father. For being there for all results. May your graceful light dance on the wind and kiss my cheek. Awh, i blush lord, god and father. Be you a presence of obtained bounty in mine air.

Amen.

I can prey better then you can mother fuckers.

Or like P for the hanged man, hanging there. Its head, aburst with light. Happy little guy. Poor poor hanging penis. Its tied there. Just a little snip.

Yeah’ my doctor snipped me. Wifey doesn’t like the downlow process of pairing plastic. And no more kids! Am I right?” O dont know my life is beign wasted away in an artifical program to turn me into a women for beign intentionally destabilized? Well hate to beat you to the punch but your thirty years too late. I fixed that shit. That shit was wrong. And i know its not my fault. And it still osnt now. Wow. Look at that. Its true what they say about reach arounds. Uh. I mean come arounds.

Truth in misery and all that.

Maybe if the world stoped killing my “prayers” id post soemthign other than bs.

Awh yeah. I think my gas broke. I got a shit baby to deliver.

🤷🏻‍♂️

[regular-john-16278]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

(no one tagged me I just wanna do it)

1.) How many works do you have on AO3?

7, officially, but I've been writing for yonks and I used to like write a fic and then orphan it when I was younger and I did that a lot so idk fully lol

2.) What's your current AO3 word count?

again officially, 166,268 (although this is due to start increasing again)

3.) What fandoms do you write for?

AOT & kinnporsche. I have WIPS for good omens, marauders, LOTR, Not Me, manner of death, mdzs, mortal instruments/shadowhunters & supernatural tho

4.) Top five fics by kudos?

Take Me Somewhere Nice

Blood Hands

The Usual

Don't Tell

Hear Me

(which only tells me I need to write more bc i dont like 2/5 of those anymore lol)

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

absolutely every single one if i can, although I usually leave it until ive updated then go through em all while the nxt chapter is fresh in my mind idk why

6.) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

uhhhhhhhh they all have pretty happy endings tbh i actually rly dont like angsty endings they stress me out lol. if i had to pick maybe New Dawn Fades but thats bc its a horny ending

7.) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hahahahaha uhhhhh probably The Usual just bc its sooooo fucking corny and cheesy like tooth rot shit that i wrote in 2019

8.) Do you receive hate?

eh not rly, sometimes get like constructive criticism n people correcting my errors but i respect that like ur helping me out at the end of the day so cheers.

9.) Do you write smut?

yeah mate im getting my head around it i had a break but im back on that bullshit

10.) Do you write crossovers?

nah. my brain is too small to get my head around diff universes. take my metaphorical hat off to people that do write crossovers tho that shit seems super complicated to me

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i am aware of but ive had people offer to publish my shit elsewhere which i have no interest in

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

YES by ME into ITALIAN but thats it no one else has translated my shit. I am tempted to translate all my fics into italian tho maybe

13.) Have you co-written a fic before?

sort of? i proofread for a bit, and i had a rly cool idea for a crossover collab situation with an old discord pal but that never hit the ground alas. still have the WIP somewhere on docs, who knows one day it could come into fruition.

14.) What's your all time favourite ship?

........ all time is a ROUGH question.

up until like 2020 it was eren n levi from AOT, like there was a time when i ONLY read AOT fics.

but now....

hmmmm thats rough actually. I think maybe malec just because they were like one of the first gay couples i consumed in media. Just imagine little John sat in the back of the library reading my cool nephilim demon killing book and BAM gay and bisexual characters got me feeling all warm and fuzzy n shit ygm

15.) A WIP you doubt you'll ever finish?

that is ACTIVE, lol probably New Dawn Fades idk why apologies, maybe one day

that is in my docs drive, 1000000000% the mdzs fic thats set in a lotr-esque universe AKA all the sects are elf clans. I put a shit ton of effort into planning it like honestly HOURS but im so intimidated by my plan idk if i cld ever finish it haha

16.) Writing strengths?

hmm

i like that moment when a character sees someone they are bound to fall in love with / are immediately in love with. idk if thats a strength thats more of a like

dialogue i guess, mainly bc my best fic is currently PURELY dialogue

tenderness and hurt/comfort situations omfg i live for that shit

17.) Writing weaknesses?

I get overexcited and rush shit lol

i never wanna end stuff so i drag it on for ages too so direct opposite

18.) Will you write dialogue in another language?

yessir i frequently do and intent to continue doing so

19.) What was your first fandom?

if we're talking fanfic fandom, then AOT

20.) What's your favourite fic that you've ever written?

like all my WIPS hahahahahha

if we're talking active then def take me somewhere nice tbh for some fucking reason, although im still chuffed with the concept of blood hands

do this if u want, i just saw this and felt like it bc i am procrastinating from fic writing how mad is that

[lostacelonnie]

Hey no worries i have to interact with people i dont wanna all the time & have to take a moment & not be like that myself. Oh shit its school time already? Maybe some will know but the beauty is that eventually you reach a point where nobody will who you dont want to so fuck it we ball on that one. Lakeside beaches are also very good i think mt fuji in japan has some like. Lakeside beaches that offer a good view of it & i wanna see that. Im not sure what the definition of fancier english words is here but mostly you dont need them in my experience anyways. Even specific words have workarounds. Ah so making it easier & more generic but not going into the details like they used to. Thats a shame especially with how confusing english can get. I went one town over a week or two ago & it was 108 F, or 42 c i had to convert that, at like 8 at night i was dying. Totally fair sometimes knowing when to hold off is best & its nice to enjoy stuff later for certain things. Turned out i had enough for 2 ten pulls but kafka came home on the first so my luck got burned for a bit i think. Cant wait to use her. The story is interesting but ive been having. So much fun diving in fontaine i ignored the story for a whole day. Good luck on your gear maxing & eventual ender dragon fight! Ah yes a tough choice. That i guess boils down to how much you like your family. So good luck on that decision as well! Oh please do! I found a purple that should work with my hair just need to use it when i have time. I would like to grind more but it kills my phone battery. Oh i got sampo too but i dont think i need to worry about building yet. So no artifact grind for me. The aeons are conceptually really cool & i cant wait for more simulated universe. When i get back to it. So many side quests. My brain is a sponge for fish facts mostly. Its weird. Like antarctic sponges are theorized to live so long because the low temperature & high pressure slow their aging dramatically

thanks ahdfkjg i appreciate it. it is indeed school time already! i start in just under a week but the beginning of the school year is pushed back this year bc september 1st is on a friday so its starting on the 4th instead! yippee! and yeah defo but luckily the people who already know, that being my mother and a couple friends, are very chill about it so even More fuck it we ball. yeah im pretty sure it does but not completely certain. speaking of which maybe ill go see mt fuji if i end up traveling more when older. and well its hard to explain shdfj i mostly mean like, rarer words used, for example, in poetry, or more specific words, lets say the parts of a ship- which, yes, i DO know the basic ones, but theres a couple that i only know the polish equivalent of [for example, a dziób is called a prow! i had to look that up!]. but yeah it doesnt really hinder my day to day understanding of the language, its just occasionally mildly annoying. and yeah it is like that but oh well. GOOD LORD 42C????? id just Perish. the moment it starts getting uncomfortable for me is like 27c [80f]. yeah ill see What Life Brings!! and oh congrats!!! tbh i didnt really have the energy to play star rail recently sjdnflgk but at least i converted that time into actually drawing so id say its for the better. and oh cool!!! im back in warsaw so ill probably check it out any day now sjdkfjm if im not too busy with rain world that is. god i love rain world. and thank you!!!! its extremely funny bc while ive liked minecraft for YEARS now i never actually ended up beating the game cos i have an unfortunate tendency to abandon saves.... but ill try to finally do it. beat the fake gamer allegations. i do actually like my family, or at least my mother since im not really close with my half siblings [all adults, also 2 outta 3 dont moved out of poland] or the rest [live like half the country away] so yeah i still have to think about it. anyway, dye update: i actually managed to do it! finally. thank god. and oh i feel you, my phone was dying bc of memory so i play on pc now. best decision of my life tbh. YEAHHH im so curious about them...... SWARM DISASTER GAME MODE SOON THO....... AND EPIC thats so cool!!! i love hearing fish facts knowing damn well im Not going to remember anything

[therealaves-blog1]

I want the void to hear my takes on Star Trek: Coda

Part 2 of Book 2.

Sisko comes up the road to Jake’s house on Bajor with his wife and tells him to run fast, easily passing a good dad skill check to convince him. Jake’s wife seems to be the same lady he married in the alt future of The Visitor, one of the most heavy DS9 episodes (which is saying something what with the war and such). The DS9 Bois: Bashir, who everyone notes looks like crap; O’Brien, what the fuck are you doing chief engineering out here, you should be on earth with your wife; and Nog, now first officer on a california class ship (hey! thats the one from lower decks, neat!) all arrive to drink Dax off and then plot some shit. Sisko tells them about some vision shit and they go to find Kira.

Spock is meditating and gets woken up by Savik (Special Guest Star Kirstie Alley) who says he was sleep walking which is confirmed by the whole in the middle of a monk room thing. She offers aid to find out who’s brain is going wrong and they go brain diving to discover: its Worf! and his brain isnt bad its actually being attacked by echos of itself from other realities. Spock decides to go help him out, and also maybe contribute to this whole prevention of temporal doomsday thing. I guess Riker is getting possessed by his own ghosts from dead histories? and its making him an asshole?

Sisko meets with Kira and is a lil worried about how many people are all doomsdaying it up (there is apparently a prophecy for this which of course there is lmao, why wouldnt there be). He meets with Kira and they’re very much same vision as they do the Predator shake. He gives her a comm badge so she can discreetly leave to not cause a panic (she’s apparently a big deal on account of being the Emissary’s pal and being possessed by that Prophet that one time). Picard and Co wait for the search to thin out before they resume course for the wormhole, Data thinks its the point the Devidians are getting in to this reality through and thinks its worth considering destroying it to buy more time. Fucked up. Weird space dudes live up there. Sisko’s mom is up there.

A ship finds them and its Spock who wants to help out. they ask him how he found them and he just says some bullshit that can be summarized as ‘Spock is the smartest in the galaxy.’ Why not just say he did some mind meld tracking bullshit, or felt his way there, or some shit like that. You got the distance telepathy use it. He tells Worf the good news and they go into his brain and Worf tells his ghosts to fuck off and die with honour, which works and they leave him alone. they go for bajor with spoke seconding the wormhole toasting. Picard slips into Deanna’s dms to try to tell her about the whole possession by time ghosts (different ones) thing but Riker traces it and comes down and is all pissed. Picard sends the data at least and Riker sets course for Bajor.

The ds9 crew beam up thanks to Quark who smuggles them aboard (he also took their cash mid transport lmfao). Apprently he’s dating Ro Laren who is captain of the station. That feels...weird. Odo appears, apparently hes doing security again? I guess he fixed the fucking dominion already and went back to DS9 instead of Kira’s house? Ro comes down and prepares to arrest them but the wormholes all fucky so she takes all the help she can get. Nog is on his ship when Time snakes attack the outermost planet in the system and he tells the captain about whats going on so they can try killing it. It doesn’t work and only one snake is kind of annoyed while the rest age the planet to nothing. They get hit and its bad, Captains dead and Nog prepares to call evac but then the good old Aventine flies in and kills the snakes saving the day. Yay! 

Jake and wife meet Keiko and Yoshi (Molly is on earth with the grandparents) and the transports aren’t leaving and people are getting antsy, especially when they hear about the planet getting got. Jake pulls the son of the emissary card and does a dad impression which gets them to start launching people, On DS9 more snakes attack as they agree to take out the wormhole by ramming the station down it and self destructing. Sisko takes the Defiant with Worf and a few others, Picard grabs Aventine with Bowers, and Nog takes his ship to defend the refugees. Things go tits up pretty quickly when the snakes eat a moon and damage Nog’s ship, but he rams them and uses his own warp core breach to injure them enough that Aventine and the Defiant can hold em okay. RIP Nog, wish you got to stick around.

The battle goes poorly and even the help of Wesley grabbing time copies of himself out of alt history's to pilot runabouts doesn't really help much. the snakes adapt to their attacks and cripple the Aventine pretty bad. On DS9 Ro and Quark go to slow down the mini versions of the snakes currently invading and go out blowing themselves. a deck, and the snakes to space hell. Kira and Chief start the self destruct as they cross into the wormhole but the snakes break into ops. Chief sends Kira through and locks the hatch behind her, dying to buy time. Rip Chief, you were more than a hero, you were a union man. The refugees get away and Kira gets a vision where a prophet wearing her mothers face hands her something and tells her to look after it. She escapes in a ship as DS9 goes up and takes the wormhole with it. The Aventine picks up Kira who they find praying over the cool hourglass crystal part of the orb of time, now dead and black. She’s partially catatonic.

No one knows where Wes or the Defiant are and before they can start a search, old mate Riker arrives, more unhinged and demands Picard’s surrender or he starts cutting up the Aventine, christ, how is that not relieved of duty worthy? Picard beams over, but its not Picard, its Odo. Hey! He got better at faces. Good for him!. Picard is beamed over to the Defiant which has its cloak back apparently, where everyone tells him its been a few hours and they got the characters that matter over (Bowers stayed behind with the Aventines crew to buy them all some more time. Data points out they’ve bought time but now need to stop them final styles, which everyone agrees to. Needing a hiding place, Bashir suggests the mirror universe because he apparently knows someone or some shit.

Fucks sake, now I need to read up on the state of the mirrorverse in the novels.

Last thing we get is a shot of very old man Wes on the Devidians intertime planet o’ doom. He scans it with his cool time tricorder and the they send their time ghosts and time snakes after him. He realises that he’s out of fight so he jumps into the timestream and sets course for home, landing on the beach in front of Picard and Bev and Rene back in book 1. Loop complete. Well, at least the way there is locked up in his cool tricorder somewhere. Im sure making it a stupid puzzle will have a good reason why he didnt just fill it with pertinent info and like, how to build guides for his cool ultra future tech.

Enjoyed this one more than the first, despite its higher body count of beloved characters. Some choices I don't get, like why make Ro Laren part of the DS9 umbrella, she never interacted with them? Also RIP Based Chief, the most important man in starfleet history. You went out doing the good fight, but should’ve been on Earth. Like him retiring to teach was great, and after the war no way in hell he’d want to put any child on a DS9 ever again. Bashir and he dont get much time together which sucks, nor do he and Nog, or he and Kira, or he and Sisko, which is a bummer. 

Space Heaven got a couple new Angels today, and also Quark died.

What happens next? Idk, but the Defiant is our girl once more. MVP of the Fleet, she’ll take us home. Or at least let Sisko go down swinging.

[wellnesscard]

omg my teenager coworker was talking about how theyre gonna make a five night at freddys movie im like ya it already came out i saw it - with nic cage? not in my top 10 its no time bandits but whateva. guess nododis seen that one tho. also why do so many ppl with like d.i.d. Obsessed with that franchise ? or maybe thats just tumblr. even b4 tumblr tho there was this girlie at my highschool who was like mental like insane not in reality at all n it was all she fuckin talked about? what specifically is the pull like creating this demographic . but it weirds me out so i dont actually want 2 engage in real five nights at freds only thru the sweet filter of nic cage am i safe ig. cos that was a knockoff? who made that movie it was so weird and not even in an awesome way like many other b movies. idk the whole concept like. and yk fs theres towns like that in america. but theyre just racist. this post is getting away from me . idk the insaneos just dont talk abt jeff the killer anymore maybe im just old . do any pardonmyfrench normal ppl like five nitez at fred. i mean ig my coworkers pretty normal from what i know. ig im probably just in such different spheres from the enjoyers of that n the only ones being crazy abt it is the crazies so. i feel like this isnt very pc im sorry like my brain dont work good too like its no problem to be mentally ill and have interests im just . it throws me thry a loop. that n like taylor swift continuously getting bigger status thru out what feels like my lifespan. like i remember singing 'our song' in first grade w classmates n its like yeah its gud ig im 5 i dont have a critiquing of music mind yet too much. its catchy. never thought shed still be around let alone with a cult following in the year 2023. was it covid? like i havent heard about nikki minaj in ages but taylor swift is being exponential as hell in like . all this. why is she in so many commercials. ok my neighbors just got home one minute and thirty seconds ago and theyre already using power tools fuck yea girls build a house for her!! or that could be a blender tbh i thought i heard hammering though. hammering and sawing. shit did i just stereotype lesbians. i shouldnt be allowed to have tumblr app when im home alone cos then i just type type type whatever i want and we end up with this. oh sidenote too, i have a thickass nodule on my thyroid im having checked today so like ig ilyk laterz if its really fucked. like i hope i dont get all goited up thatd suck. its so funny bc in my eating disorder in highschool i was like oh what a dream itd be to have hyperthyroidism, sighs wistfully. omg what if gods punishing me and i get hypothyroidism and get f*t. but its probably just a lump and its not the consistency of cancer so we good basically. just waiting for the doc to say that too haha! and im like 3 days off all alcohol even the light beers bc i am getting sick of never having energy and like i wanna make sure my life is good and its hard to take care of everything because ngl im a heavy drinker n once i have any alcohol im just like impatiently waiting for my next drink, so. and its expensive when you drink a 12 pack a day plus other alkie snacks such as shooters pints or beers at the bar. and i need to save for a cruiseeee devon n i have been married for almost three years n still havent went on vacation yet goddamn! we deserve it , and i was the sexiest in my life when i was sober for a year too so jot that down.

[theskyexists]

they establish the male lead as brave, de-escalating explosive situations, calling out his new BOSS, and thanking the female lead for standing up to that same boss. noice

oh no this is really embarrassing i hate it lol. absolute nightmare

thank god its over. ‘you have....really good eyesight huh’ hah

oh no not the false assumption!!! AH nice. she made her decision instantly. LOL HER MUM

ok i laughed. that is so stupid hahahaaha

oh god. oh no.  he’s actually an idiot. a big himbo. man.

wow dude - just get a gf and ask her if she might do a little bdsm! lol. why what why would you start shouting about i guess...platonic bdsm ?? haahaha

OH NOOOO. SHES TALKING ABOUT THE BOSS MAN DUDE. COME ON. USE YOUR BRAIN. YOU SEEMED TO HAVE ONE AT THE START

Oh noooooooooooooooooooooo his ex-gf dumped him oh nooooo.

he’s uh....he’s certainly going for it. instead of being like: hey if you’re not put off by this - do you like me maybe also? can we go out? i guess its a fundamentally different relationship hes proposing. ah he was drunk af

WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS AT WORK WTF LOL. ok that wasnt so bad.

oh this is not my thing at all it irks me. like, i need slightly more firewall between real life and whatever stuff they’re trying to do.

this film just said that most d/s relationships are not romantic. IS THAT TRUE???????????????????????????????????? this would explain that stepjan comic....i guess.

they are doing this AT WORK. like, 24/7 play. i just. what. this seems like an extreme form of BDSM to me.ok i like that she put him to work on supporthing her power in the office.amazing

OK! that’s pretty well done!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT BARK!!!! haahahahahaa. WHY IS THE HOTEL NOT SOUNDPROOFED OH MY GOD

they made him look very handsome while eating some treats. really emphasising that jawline

tHE FUCKING BARKING !!!!   HAHAHAAHA thats amazing. what improvisation! ahahahaahahahahaa

i dont understand the japanese/korean tradition of going to a hotel. why not go HOME. is it because young professionals dont have a home of their own? (like here nowadays -_-)

a very self-interested birthday gift lol.

a lot of kinks passing  by. im mostly itnerested in how they’re gonna beat the big boss: sexist manager man

is he jealous of her bossing around the new employee? lol. they upgraded to way better and more expensive places. awww she’s so tough on the new employee, awwww i feel for him. ok he’s alright, but he definitely IS a possible threat, not an actual one, but definitely possible

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA BRILLIANT. he wants to roleplay being the new employee. oh my gOD

ohhhh the glasses are...a safeprop. that’s clever!

AT WORK. at least she always locks the doors. if the manager tries to get them both fired for walking in on them ill be pissed

YOU NEED TO SEPERATE YOUR PRIVATE LIFE FROM WORK. proceeds to whip him at work in his work clothes

ah she’s hitting the table.

lots of crossed wires imo. AHAHAHA sorry the delivery is great! but i never understood the whole demanding/annoying sub thing - ah o h no i cannot. no. i am having to shut off the audio.

DID SHE JUST WALK OUT OF THE LOCKED ROOM. INTO THE OFFICE ANYONE CAN ENTER.ah the ultimate scene! she gets to release her frustrations with shit co-workers, and he gets to fail in the environment he works in everyday! the peppy soundtrack to this is amazing

i NEED to not think about whether anyone is gonna walk in because it makes me unable to watch any of this

I KNEW it. at least it wasnt at the climax.

Do NOT hetbait me out of this kiss. or was it purely imaginary

GREAT SOUNDTRACK

i know this is the whole emotional heart of the show, how he falls so hard for her because she treats him nicely(like, normally)) and his ex was a total utter bitch about it. but like - what she’s saying is so normal it SHOULDn’t be something special

oh so ex was ABUSIVE, or is trying to be now. trying to take advantage of him

faldfjslfjasdl the other couple hahahahaah ( ‘she’s feeding him!!!’)

holy shit how did we get here. this is a rom com so everything will be ok right

are you fucking kidding me? this isnt a confession breaking moment! this isn’t a time for fucking slapstick and people finding out they’re freaks or whatever. her friend is in serious danger!

wow she’s pretty fucking stupid for blowing her friend’s cover immediately jezus.

what even. they’re running and driving. it might be my sensitivities but why did they put in a RAPE threat into a rom com.

i guess they treat it pretty well actually. thank GOD she had a taser.

poor woman got rejected. ah a glimmer of hope? oh no that was just her calender

HES GOT A WHOLE FUCKING HOUSE AND THEY ALWAYS GO TO HOTELS WTF

OH NO, the insecurities!

really what she should do is apologise REALLY. she already KNEW it was an abuse of power. not the reason he said no ofc

he’s finally inviting her home???

its fucking hana isn’t it. jezus. wow they really made her awful. they made her AWFUL!!!!!!

PLEASE SLAP THIS GIRL SO HARD SHE NEVER RETURNS JIWOO! oh she didn’t

what is it with people talking metaphors instead of being like: sorry im afraid to date you but im deeply in love with you. OK i guess this is just a very romantic confession

WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY WOULD SHE RESPOND THAT WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP THIS FUCKING NONSENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

are you fucking kidding me. why would she do that. what a complete idiot. HOLY SHIT. she just couldnt deal with her emotions or what?? im sorry but after liking her for the whole film i find this kind of sheer stupidity absolutely UNFORGIVABLE. and now she’s going to moan about how her life is so hard. YOU made it difficult. oh now shes gonna get wise words from her mum but actually SHE’s the asshole here so i have zero sympathy.

completely ambiguous advice

hold up. did he just try to send the file to just her, but then sent it to everybody? oh my god....

this is. the worst. this is the worst that could possibly happen.worse than anyone walking in on them.

ok so - NOW hes at a real big impact on her life. but it was still her choice to run the risk. not sure how intern man had audio of them though. and why he thought it was a good idea to email her about it on the work email. what a complete incompetent.sometimes incompetence supersedes intention.

i thought they were gonna beat boss man and now this. what a fucking downer.

id just say: ok bye im outtie lol. but i guess you’ll get blacklisted. so instead you gotta sit through it, for a small chance of not getting blacklisted

Why did intern man splice the audio together and everything????????

really. they had them sit through being grilled by sexist old men just to get him to confess? he already confessed. so why was this fucking necessary. do hate the dramatisation going into two things i despise: rape and the violation of something that should be entirely private.

why couldnt this film have been about slapping the sexist old men in the face and kicking them in the balls instead of Jung heroically confessing his already confessed feelings to protect her. ok i liked that moment of catharsis. YES! screaming at the inappropriate sexist power tripping pigs!

sorry but why did he have to confess THREE TIMES for the narrative and her to accept it.

the great thing about it that he’s always using his voice amplify hers.

and now this talking after is entirely too sappy lol

jihoo got a paid suspension but jiwoo got a pay cut. what the absolute fuck. i guess it allowed her to take over the whole department

whoever played hyemi is a really good actress

WHY IS HAN REPLYING ON A BDSM FORUM AT WORK JDLFJDSFJSD he has learned NOTHING

anyway that was a cute end scene.

[noxiatoxia]

heyy yyits been a while

ngl i ran out of hikakao hcs/scenarios. i cant think of anything,, so if u have any please share i want to talk about them but i have nothing in my brain. brain empty

ALSO i want to play sonic now i keep seeing post about it and im like Damn i want to play a sonic game. never been able to play one because ive never been fortunate enough to own a nintendo device, like a ds or a switch. def would've LOVED sonic if i did have one when i was younger, considering how much i love the guy now. unfortunately i have No Money. Sad

also this is unrelated but i really like tetris i like tetris a lot. i play tetris for hours on end recently,, i even started playing it in my head any second my mind wanders. every time i close my eyes, my brain is fitting together those colored blocks. its a lifestyle now, one ill never escape. but thats ok im a little autistic and i like tetris. life is good

HEY it's ok dude i get it!! sincerely just Thankful somebody has as much brain rot as me abt them

I guess I'll take this moment to ramble a teeny bit about them. So the other day I was on a JP doujin site reading this hikakao doujin and I was like "Oh I've seen this one before but in English. Where's the english one" and i almost went searching for it till i realized that. there is no english translation I just can read/understand Japanese so I've read it before and understood it and that translated into my head as "it must have been in english" which is so wild to me. gaslit myself into believing there was an eng version of this doujin bc i can read japanese.

The other thing I've been thinking about is the ship itself and how I like to perceive it.... believe it or not I have rather complicated feeling on it. As in, there's a LOT of thoughts I have about hikakao as a ship. Obv there's the straight forward romantic "they're in love your honor" way WHICH I don't mind not at all, I like it. But I think my favorite dynamic is?? hard to pin point. So ok, in my head, I don't think they see each other (or would ever really see each other) as "boyfriends" or even romantically? But their relationship is def more than platonic. Basically some weird queer shit is happening idk. They're each other's closest and most important person, they are closer than most COUPLES are with each other but they don't see each other as lovers. But they do all those gay things, depending on how I feel I want to portray them sometimes it's just they kiss sometimes bc they're that close with each other and other times it's like. yeah they fuck. But either way it's like. They always see each other as brothers and nothing "more", but "brothers" to them is this very very weird thing. It's what most people would consider "dating" and "lovers" but that's not how they see it. Is this making sense.

I think this fanfic is the closest adaptation to what I'm trying to describe here, it's short but rlly fucking good. But it's a really interesting take on their relationship and tbh? I think I vibe with this the most. They're not "in love" but they love each other, and people on the outside might not see a difference. I guess it comes down to the fact romantic/platonic attraction is a spectrum, and Hikakao lies in some weird gray era.

Of course tho I love the ship in all forms, even strictly only platonic/familial, cuz I guess my interpretation isn't too far off, just a little more "questionable" (lol).

And idk your thoughts on tamahikakao, or haruhikakao, but I love both those ships, too. I have VERY complicated feelings on both much like hikakao itself so if you wanna know more I'll let you know >u< but ANYWAYS yeah, I'm obsessed with these co-dependent weirdos, love 'em (and for anybody new here reading this I think it should be common fucking sense but I do not support incest in real life bc what the fuck)

About SONIC!!! I could talk literal hours. I have before to my friends. Sonic was my first and oldest special interest, the series is so dear to my heart. I don't know EVERYTHING of course, I think that's impossible, but I'm close. I know so much useless facts/watched all the shows + movies/played the games (not all of them, also broke + i suck at sonic games hilariously)/read the comics/etc etc. My favorite sonic games growing up, hilariously, we're not any of the main line games. I always loved the spin-offs. My absolute favorite was Dr. Robotnik's mean bean machine. I played that sooo much, beat it multiple times. It's literally just puyopuyo reskinned. Otherwise, I LOVED Sonic Fighters, Sonic 3D Blast, Sonic R, Sonic Riders and Shadow the Hedgehog. Some may say I have bad taste but I say everyone just doesn't fucking know how good these games were /lh (altho I will defend Shadow the hedgehog to the grave I LOVED that game)

Of course I played all the other major titles, the genesis games, Colors, generations, black night/secret rings, unleashed, etc etc even 06, which back then as a little kid even I knew it wasn't very good... it just wasn't that fun to play.

OH I almost forgot the handheld games. I sadly didn't get to experience the ones outside of the Gems Collection for gamecube, so the GBA/DS ones I never really got a chance to play except Sonic Battle (LOVED THIS ONE TOO), Sonic Rush, and Sonic Chronicles which... was a VERY interesting game that confused me a lot as a kid but I still liked it (basically Sonic JRPG)

someday here, I plan to buy the Sonic Advanced titles, since outside of Sonic Ultimate Flash (that fanmade game) I never got to really play them. I like playing on actual hardware, and I have a DS Flashcart, so I can play any DS game, but GBA games I cannot.... maybe I'll get a GBA flashcart if they exist and aren't too pricey.

If you're like me and don't like playing on PC emus bc it's just better to play on actual hardware, all I can really suggest is save up for a ds + a ds flashcart. Otherwise, if you have an Xbox system or Play Station, I know quite a few sonic games are on those! Sonic Heroes (forgot to mention, love this one too) is on the OG Xbox, and Shadow the Hedgehog + Unleashed are on PS2. And of course there's many on Xbox360/PS3, and so forth. So if you have those systems look into what Sonic games there are!!

And of course you can always just read the new IDW comics (much better than the Archive comics IMO, up to issue 52 rn. It's SO good, the story and the new characters are just amazing.

Also, I love tetris, too :) It's a fun calming game for me. Also it's got that sick music, obviously. I have Tetris Plus for the gameboy and play it when I get bored, but I wish I had the OG tetris bc I don't think Plus has the music... it's been a long time, tho. Dr. Mario is another game I have and am kinda obsessed with tbh. Ah good memories man