#conversationswithmyself

[yanpisar]

April 24, 2023

Today brings me with great hardship and trembling willpower. I almost gave up on today, having nearly convinced myself that I have burnt out in the past week and need to take the day off. What gobbledygook. It just goes to show how relentless the ego is in its mission to destroy any progress that which you have made.

The ego seeks to dismantle the person that you are building. It's a whiny child, almost as irritating as a crying babe on a long haul flight across the atlantic. The ego does not like that you are making steps towards improving your mind, body, and spirit. It wants you to stay in the same place that you we're comfortable in.

But this comfort, it wasn't really all that great was it? You were suffering greatly from being lazy, unmotivated, uninspired, and victimized. I pity the fool who lives in comfort all his life and feels satisfied by it. You are no fool though. You always knew there was something more out there; you just had to go and find it. And you did. In the form of spiritual evolution and emotional clarity. You removed yourself from your ego, and are now able to discern which voice is influencing you, whether it is of lower vibration, or higher.

Do you remember how you found this voice? You always understood that the voice telling you to face your fears, do something difficult, achieve something worthwhile, act in the best interest of your future self, calibrated to a high frequency - you always knew that this was the voice of your Greater Self. The person you are meant to be. And through all this you were aware when, countless times, you chose to ignore the voice of your Greater Self, and act in accordance with the fear-laden much louder voice of your Lesser Self, calibrated to a low frequency; the voice of pain and suffering, or rather the illusion that you could avoid it. One voice leads you to God, the other, the devil. Which will you choose today?

[virgomoonmommi]

Let’s get elevated and discuss our natal charts.

…I’m ready when you are.

[conversationswithmyself]

“The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.” - The Myth of Sisyphus, Albert Camus

[Image Description: white text on a light green background, with a dark green silhouette of a man pushing a boulder up a hill at the bottom of the image. The text is a prose poem, that reads:

“Le Mythe de Sisyphe by thomas (@mayjeffneverstopyou)

whats a man to a mountain? meaningless. 

the man is on the mountain. the whys and hows do not matter, he is there. he is there at the base of something so much larger than he, yet it cares not for him nor any section of itself as it has no ability to care. it is a meaningless mountain. it is the unreasonable universe. 

whats a rock to the man? hopeless. 

give a man a boulder and he'll push it for a day. give a man an endless absurd torment and he'll kill himself with hope. a leap into faith is a leap into nothing, is god, is death, is fucking kidding yourself. to hope is to delude is to despair. 

what is gravity to the rock? life. 

upon that precipice, at the summit of the mountain, the man looks back as his hopes and his rock slip away from him. if the man retained his hope this would be the moment of despair. to the man with no hope this is the moment of acceptance. the man looks at the sky, at the earth, at himself, and sees that it is good. he embraces gravity as a brother and walks with it hand in hand to the depths, once more unto the breach. he recognises the absurd, and he Lives.

what is sisyphus? happy.”]

[pandamd]

What are you afraid of?

When things are going good. 

What is there to be afraid of? 

Doing something inappropriate. 

Why would that happen? 

Because people make mistakes. No matter how well your life is going. Something is going to challenge it. It’s the law of entropy. When things are left by itself. Chaos increases. The best thing you can do is not to shy away from it. Prepare yourself as best as you can. Confront it. Do your best and for God’s sake. Try. At least try so that you know. Even if you don’t know what to do. Do your best. Don’t run away. So that if it works you know what to do and if it doesn’t you know what not to do. 

;

We didn’t prepare ourselves. I don’t think you were prepared to tackle that first big hurdle. You’ve been too sheltered. You haven’t faced the hardships I have. Your parents and your family protected you from the world and when it was time to face our problems you weren’t ready. You built up this wall and shut me out. I just wish you let me in, but it’s okay. I’ve had time to reflect and I think I’m at peace with everything. I hope in your own way you’re reflecting on what’s happened and you come to the same conclusions, but I feel like you don’t realize what happened and you don’t want to. The next year is gonna be hard. I’ll be here. You’ll always have a special place in my heart. I wish you the best my dear. 

[domenicosolimeno]

#billevans #jazz #piano #music #stateofmind #blue #conversationswithmyself https://www.instagram.com/p/BvuQhusnrMe/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=wiarhue06iob

[ladysmajl]

- I still remember life without a phone

- I still remember one without a body

[virgomoonmommi]

Always My Mood.

[ladrondearte]

#fortedibard #river #flow #fortalezza #aosta #thesearethealps #mountains #picture #bridge #bard #conversationswithmyself #castle #aostavalley (presso Forte di Bard) https://www.instagram.com/p/BomkxoQCo7T/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=99cgy8mkmwaf

[therecycledpirate]

I just had a sincere cry. I'm back in the hospital. I have struggled the past three and a half months with several medical issues, from not being able to sit, to no be able to relieve myself. I am strong. And I am full of hope. I am resilient. I know I will get better and stronger out of this, but damn... It hits me in my feels everytime when I have to face my weaknesses. I'm probably just here to give the nurses a good chuckle, and cry as well. That's how I'm a good bad influence! 🛒 Shop for your T 👇 https://therecycledpirate.com/product/unisex-recycled-t-shirt-im-a-good-bad-influence/ • #imagoodbadinfluence #trpwear #merchandisegeek #selfesteemquotes #selfgrowthjourney #selfgrowthquotes #conversationswithmyself #conversationstarters #selfdevelopmentjourney #inspirationseeker #inspirationseed (at Curaçao Medical Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/CXWbTa4rNon/?utm_medium=tumblr

[awesomeimaustin]

FEAR: Being Boring & Dying Alone I can't smoke your weed My ego won't let me. You've never had to compensate for anything real. You're so bland and beautiful. I want the real thing No more smoke screens You're trying to smash a spider with a sledgehammer. A life of chaos sounds reasonable. I grew up staring at a million random dots Trying to find meaning in my ceiling You write another obtuse song on guitar like it's Mozart. Like it's unique, like it's not awful. I'll grow a 'stache And admire your style You didn't ask for my ego or your brain. As you bravely face this excruciating existential pain. Life is simple, Life is easy If we want it to be There's never an end to your important convos. It becomes the worst of me. We feel something in each moment So life is not a torment You sing that song to torture me. Or you're creating things in my head---happens quite frequently. I wear my family on my sleeve. I have a memory that won't recede. What if I just passed away, no memory left of the life I've laid? #poems #conversationswithmyself #poetry #painting https://www.instagram.com/p/BnounOThT3r/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=10460hll0fi4p

[neilfresco]

Hungry for love

I am hungry

Hungry for Love, I crave that shit.

I am a hopeless romantic living in a world filled with practical fools.

Maybe I am born at the wrong time. I have listened to the stories about love was simple back in those days.

I wanna live there.

[virgomoonmommi]

[conversationswithmyself]

bring on the supernova

i woke up crying this morning.

i opened my eyes to find tears already staining my cheeks and i thought "there's something wrong with me."

well you've known that for years

"or theres something wrong with the world"

you've known that for years too

there is so much balled up baggage festering inside my chest i think one day its just going to burst of out me and i'll explode into a supernova of anger and misery and catharsis.

it will be beautiful.

let some of it out then! oh, i couldn't possibly. go on, you deserve it, get it off your chest! well okay maybe one or two or three or four things...

one.

friends leave you. or they become one step removed and leave you with a lingering 'what if...?'

you cant have that kiss back. its mine. you gave it to me. no returns policy i'm afraid.

so you ruin it beyond recognition. if i get to keep it its sure as hell not gonna be pretty.

two.

i have not forgiven him. i will not forgive him. he doesn't even know he needs forgiveness.

oh, but he's already recieved the ultimate absolution from the great big man in the sky! he's a bonafide born again christian! he redeemed himself and now you don't get to be angry.

he didnt kill her but he may as well have.

three.

you were alone and you are alone and you will be alone. its better to accept this now.

dont tell them and dont even entertain the idea. you know its better this way, don't you?

four.

what do you do when every memory in your life is intertwined with something you now despise? can you hack it out? get rid of the problem at its root? let me get my axe, honey, i'm about to destroy half of myself in the name of closure.

its a messy divorce, its an unfair eviction, its a baby bird too small to fly, its not you, its me. except its you. my god, its always been you.

i've unpacked my suitcase, spilled my dirty laundry on the floor. i thought i was home but i don't think i have one anymore.

i dont understand how this washing machine works. does anyone understand how this washing machine works? no?

so i'll hand wash it then. but oh! oh no now look what i've done. i've ripped my favourite shirt, and that one's shrunk as well, and my hands are are all red and pruney, and i have all this dirty water right in front of me. my brain says drink it so i do.

i havent exploded yet. this was just a solar flare. there is worse to come, but i think i'll like being a black hole. at least then i can consume things and not feel guilty about it.

bring on the supernova.

[suicidefresh]

This morning just meditating...#conversations #conversationswithmyself #coversationbetweenmomandherchild😍 #coversationwithmydad #bothdeadbutinabetterplace #voices https://www.instagram.com/p/CCW9mL4BfGee9GoTyBqd_V2xStrVIjbrU79QBU0/?igshid=1ek038oh4eckm

[teatimeintheabyss]

One Piece at a Time

He plucked my fingers from my hands and stuffed them into his mouth then did the same to my toes. He snapped off my hands and feet next, quickly gobbling them up. When he took my arms, I got angry. Not at him but at myself. If he continued, there’d be nothing left of me. Why did I stand there doing nothing? Now tea and croissant was a disaster, cartwheels and handstands absolutely impossible, and I could not even begin to try to ride Baelfire. Everyone stood around waiting for me to do something but I couldn’t do even one thing. This would not do at all. Everything went dark. The grass shriveled. Alex, Winston, Heidegger, and Baelfire became lifeless pretend dolls. The rabbits appeared, silent and shivering in their cages. The swirling hole ate the sky, its pinpoint of light gleamed diamond-like. 

[dhylanboey]

Sometimes I wonder if I were to see the boy I was then as the man I have become now, what would I say to him? . Probably alot. Including, "Stop Procrastinating, boy!" and "Remember who the FUCK you are and be your best version of yourself NOW." And "Forgive yourself, you're doing alright man." . On another note, I looked like a lecherous wolf trying to devour my younger self in this pic — haha! . . . . #10yearchallenge #tenyearchallenge #10yearschallengephoto #conversationswithmyself #youngerself (at Singapore) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-0x62ShP8Y/?igshid=10kvcbgpg848q