#control z spoilers

[yellowfellowmello]

I’m so so so so so so glad someone said this. I personally think that Raúl is an attractive person but his actions have no redemption for me. He is a selfish, condescending, manipulative boy who never does anything to even try and be better. He is physically very good looking and I totally agree that this is a main reason for fans being this supportive of Sofia and him.

OP worded this so eloquently. I’m just glad there’s someone else who agrees they should not have ended up together.

*Imagine the heaviest sigh you’ve ever heard*

Okay. Now that I’ve calmed my rage a little bit, let’s talk about why I hate Raúl/Sofía as a pairing. I’ll start with the things that bug me the (comparative) least and work up to the things that I hate the most, because essay structures are the only thing I willingly retained from high school English class.

Because this show is what it is, a major trigger warning for discussions of suicide in regard to mental illness, non-consensual outing of queer teenagers, ableism and other forms of prejudice, and mentions of sex crimes against minors. If you need to block this post via tumblr savior or xkit, you can block the tag I always use when I discuss this show in writing, which is:        mc13 watches ctrlz

SO. The first thing is that these two characters ending up together makes no narrative sense to me. I’ll get into characterization reasons in a bit, but from a purely interpersonal relationship standpoint, they never talk. They had maybe two sort-of conversations-that weren’t Raúl making fun of Sofía’s mental health issues or uncritically watching his friends do so-before Raúl complains that Sofía “never has time for him,” as if he’s entitled to anything from a girl, especially one he hasn’t consistently treated well up to this point. They work together on mystery stuff occasionally, but they don’t have any actual conversations about their relationship. There are no discussions of personal information or boundaries or expectations, which, especially if you are a person suffering from mental illness, is really fucking important.

From a characterization standpoint, Sofía’s primary trait is that she is a nice person. She’s ostracized by her peers, everyone makes fun of her for her mental health issues, she has very few friends other than maybe Luis, but when she’s approached for help with the hacker issue, she accepts. She helps even the students who have been nothing but horrible to her because it’s the right thing to do. She stands up for Luis time and time again, even when she has nothing to gain from the situation. She allows Isabela to lean on her for support after she’s outed, despite Isabela having been not-particularly-kind to her in the past. In season 2, she’s genuinely concerned with Dario’s and Ernesto’s safety, even though they have done nothing to atone or apologize for the way they’ve treated her. She protects her dad’s secret and doesn’t tell anyone else, not even her mom, just because she wants to keep him safe. This last one involves her keeping a promise to the point of unhealthy self-sacrifice because the stress of it leads to her making a suicide attempt and taking up self-harm. Sofía’s role in the narrative, as set up from the very beginning of the show is that she is a kind, caring girl.

Raúl leaked sensitive information about his peers, including: nude photos of Pablo having sex with Maria (which is. you know. child p*rnography), information regarding the private sex life of a boy who didn’t know he liked men (Gerry), outing Isabela-a trans girl who wasn’t ready to disclose her identity yet, revealing that Claudia had an abortion, was ready to out Luis (who was already a victim of truly horrifyingly violent bullying, primarily for being not stereotypically “masculine” enough), and telling everyone about Sofía’s dad-a secret so precious to her its seriousness was literally contributing to making her sick. And then, at the end of season 2, he’s made aware of the fact that Natalia’s life is in danger, and still only cares about his money. Dude literally doesn’t even spare a thought for this teenage girl who needs help.

Sofía has been friends with Luis for awhile. Raúl’s project (done by a guy she only spent, at most, a couple of weeks with) was one of the contributing factors in his death. So her friend’s murder means nothing to her now? Her sole focus, to the point of, need I remind you, unhealthy suicidal ideation was protecting her dad, whom she loves very much. Raúl’s exploits fucked that up, too. And still, it’s somehow not enough to stop her from being attracted to him. I…genuinely. Do not comprehend. He claims he “wanted to make things better” because “secrets are bad,” but there is NO WORLD where ANY of the things I’ve mentioned above could be seen as a positive. Sofía knows all this. At the end of season 1, she explicitly tells him “You’re going down.” Putting Sofía with Raúl goes against everything we know about her character. In order to make this ship work, her fundamental personality and values have to change.

And this brings me to my second major point of contention. This isn’t just some sort of badly-done Corruption Arc™. Sofía is a suicidally depressed, mentally ill teenager. There are very few characters in media who are written with explicit mental health issues, and even fewer who are not demonized for being “inherently violent and unstable” and/or killed off. Sofía is one of the few we actually have who gets to be mentally ill, kind, and alive. Her mental illness makes her empathetic. It’s part of her life experience and informs decisions she makes, but it’s not her whole personality. And most importantly, since she’s the protagonist and explicitly written to be a kind person with sympathetic struggles, we are supposed to want her to get better. She is not going to do that if she’s in a relationship with Raúl. He lied to her the entire time he was trying to date her. His idea of teenage courtship is taking a comment she said in the middle of a depressive episode completely out of context and turning it into a motto to ruin the lives of everyone around him, including Sofía and people who didn’t even do anything wrong like Claudia or Isa or Luis (or, hell, even Gerry, who at the time had just watched p*rn privately in his room on his private computer like lots of teenage boys do). This boy, who can’t even admit that what he did was messed up and wrong, does not know how to be in a healthy relationship. He won’t stop lying to Sofía if he thinks that’s what he needs to do to “keep” her. Sofía lost her virginity to this guy because of an elaborate con he was playing on her. And not that a girl’s (or anyone’s) virginity is The Most Important Thing Ever™ or that anyone should expect the so-called “loss” of it to be any kind of transcendental experience, but Sofía said at the party where everyone was playing the kissing game that she didn’t want to kiss someone she didn’t know. And when she did kiss Javier, she said she really didn’t have any experience. Sofía is a loner. She has very few friends and keeps to herself. Making the decision to engage in a physical relationship for the first time (or at all), for her, is a big deal. And everything that went into that decision was all based on a lie. You don’t forget something like that. Raúl calls Sofía crazy, before and after she knows he’s the hacker (which, I promise you, no mentally ill person is ever going to just…forget…about…). He tells her she’s the only thing he cares about and is continuing to exist for. And to make a teenage girl suffering from serious mental illness your emotional crutch? That is…such a bad idea and such an unfair, harmful thing to do I’m not sure I even know where to start. Neurodivergent people already get abused, gaslit, and forced into unrealistically harmful expectations on a regular basis. Sofía being with Raúl would be a nightmare in terms of her coping with her mental illness.

So, basically, a canon status for this ship can really only come at the expense of the identity and recovery of a mentally ill teenage girl. If we had more sympathetic mentally ill main characters, that would be one thing. But we don’t. If they portrayed this as an impulsive decision by Sofía that she grew to regret and use as a catalyst to get help (which…I thought was what the show was doing in season 1, but I can’t be right all the time), that would also be different. But after having them hook up again in season 2, it’s obvious that we’re not meant to view their relationship as an unhealthy coping mechanism on Sofía’s part. I could also see it as Sofía reaching out to the first available person who showed her attention because she was so lonely, but even that doesn’t work, because she has Javier (and, to an extent, Luis, and, later on, Isa and Alex-though that last one is…a little more complicated and I don’t have time to discuss it here). And far be it from me to police what people ship. I don’t believe that any fan of this particular pairing is a Giant Raging Ableist. But what I am concerned about is that this isn’t being talked about by anyone, at all.

Which brings me to the final, most frustrating part of this whole thing. IF YOU DON’T READ ANY OTHER PART OF THIS READ THE FOLLOWING. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART.

Given how purist fandom tends to be in liking “unproblematic” ships and how much people cry for positive and empowering representation…why do so many people ship Raúl/Sofía?

And the only answer I can come up with is…because Raúl is conventionally attractive. He’s a skinny, cis, light-skinned, cocky “bad boy” who rides a motorcycle and has messy hair and blue eyes. There’s no communication to point to or any kind of well-established previous relationship between him and Sofía, there’s not an equal level of self-destructiveness on both sides, there’s not a “secret Dark Side™” that Sofía’s always had that Raúl allows her to unleash (which…hoo boy, it’s bad optics to suggest that your mentally ill character is dealing with a Secret Evil Personality Buried Inside Them). Raúl doesn’t make any effort to better himself, and even sticks to his guns that he was “just trying to do the right thing :(” (and, as mentioned above, the last thing we see him do is selfishly scream over his money when a girl’s life is in immediate danger). The only thing that’s left is…that Raúl is conventionally attractive.

And, honestly, I think this is what it is. I think that’s the reason. The few times I’ve gone into the general tag (especially after season 1 dropped), it’s been almost nothing but thirst posts for Raúl. I’ve seen so many comments about how Raúl is “so complicated” and “oh, but he meant well,” but I haven’t seen any for Javier (who actually does mean well most of the time) or Natalia (who actually did become more complex as time went on) or Alex (who had a much more justice-driven goal than Raúl ever did). And I keep hearing about this supposed Amazing Chemistry his actor has with Sofía’s, which is of course, a subjective thing; but the chemistry™ defense curiously only ever seems to pop up in regard to pale cis so-called “attractive” guys. If Raúl had been plus-size or a woman or a darker-skinned man or disabled or neurodivergent or even just anything that wasn’t considered by biased society to be ““““conventionally attractive,”””” he would not be receiving the kind of love and sympathy and shipping preference that he is.

And you know how I know that? Every time, in every fandom (including this one) that even remotely-morally-ambiguous characters exist who are those things (i.e., dark-skinned POC, disabled, female, “““average-looking,””” etc.), everyone hates them. Maybe, if those characters are lucky, they’ll be ignored. But if they aren’t, then the fandom at large is picking them apart to criticize their place in the narrative, harass people who like them (which sometimes escalates to bullying the actors themselves on social media), and praying for these characters to die a slow, painful, gruesome death. They’re certainly not rooting for them as love interests. This ship is only as popular as it is because Raúl fits a predetermined standard of attractiveness.

And guess what, I’m fucking tired. The way fandom treats characters like this and ships like this tells me that the only thing that matters is how attractive you are. Everything people do and want and gravitate toward should be decided solely based on someone’s appearance. Your actions don’t matter. Your integrity doesn’t matter. Your values don’t matter. Only your level of attractiveness does. Being “““conventionally attractive””” gives you leeway to treat people like shit or be praised for doing the bare minimum. It’s seen as necessary for you to be liked, for you to be hired, for you to be successful, and for you to be seen as worthy of love. People excuse not only characters, but real-life young and attractive cis white male celebrities and musicians for heinous crimes all the time. People take appearance so seriously (especially in the entertainment industry) that being “hot” is frequently used as grounds for hiring. The whole thing is so incredibly shallow and rooted in prejudices such as ableism and transphobia and sexism and racism, and it is everywhere.

I was probably giving this show too much credit, but I thought back in season one, after the reveal that Raúl was the hacker, that the whole point was to defy the idea of “beauty” being inherently good. That sometimes the assholes or abusers or criminals or villains are conventionally attractive, and that doesn’t make what they do okay. Raúl, with his sense of entitlement and poor choice in friends and weird vibe around Sofía with trying to share headphones always seemed…off. I thought the point was that sometimes these sketchy Jerk Bad Boys™ don’t have some secret heart of gold, sometimes they’re just mean people. I (stupidly) thought the whole point was that physical attraction is not enough. That it’s a shallow thing to base a relationship on and only ends in disappointment. But season two showed that they just wanted to play all those concepts completely straight without an ounce of self-awareness. I have waited my entire life for some work. Any. Work. To have a message other than, “All that matters in getting what you want and living a happy life and receiving support from other people is being pretty.” But fandom keeps trying to shoehorn that narrative in every single time, so that’s the story we keep getting. And Control Z is no exception.

[witchlingcirce]

TLKOF CHAPTER 1 SPOILERS

Idk if anyone else picked up on this, but Ash really reminded me of Jace. Janus may be a shell of his old self but Jace’s sassiness runs too deep.

Cant believe Thule is missing this comedy duo already 😭

[zeb-z]

Love the beef between Gideon and Thrawn. I hope he has no idea who Gideon is

[trevisos]

they make me so fucking sick. GOD

[ndostairlyrium]

From the Rook questions: which NPCs does Ellie like? Which ones do they dislike?

Oh hello you!!! <3 thanks for the ask!! **

Rook Questionnaire

15: What NPCs do they like? Which one's do they dislike?

Ah, he likes SO MANY :'D

Excluding family (Myrna and Vorgoth), he goes along very well with Antoine, has a strong respect for Strife, and really wishes to get close to Rana, but his absolute favorite is Evka. He saw the hammer and thought "I want to be her when I grow up / I will never mess with this woman".

He "dislikes" the Inquisitor, because she was blind to whatever Solas was doing in Skyhold, for then designate someone else to clean up her mess. It's her fault if Varric got hurt and the gods "escaped" their prison, forcing a half-prepared rookie to make terrible choices to save the day.

He also "dislikes" Elek, because he's part of the consequences of his greatest failure so far (prioritized Treviso during act 1). He hates what he represents for the future of a Minrathous without a strong political infrastructure.

It's something more intimate than simple dislikes, basically.

Ellie is more disliked than he dislikes, tho. I don't know if that makes sense? lol

[sysig]

Ughhhhhhh

[postmanlinksbootyshorts]

the way tiktok rots ppls brains is SO embarrassing. a friend of mine will sometimes bring up some shit she heard off that site and i have to bite my tongue to not be like "that doesn't even sound remotely real"

[revasserium]

entwined shadows

zayne, rafayel, xavier; 1,872 words; fluff, semi-canon compliant, spoilers! for entwined shadows cards, v!suggestive, no "y/n", genderless!reader, lapslock cause lazy, so! many! kisses!

summary: kiss me once, kiss me twice, kiss me thrice or a thousand times

a/n: inspired by the poems of robert frost and also obviously by the entwined shadows cards cause... bruh.

perish, twice - zayne

the hideout is cold — but his lips are warm, hungry.

“z-zayne!”

there’s fire in his veins, pulsing beneath your fingertips, the kind that his ice has never been able to put out — not even once.

“please…” he sounds like a broken man; you know better than to believe him, “i told you… i warned you…” he trails his lips along the column of your neck, his fingers digging into the bend of your hips, his other hand pinning your wrists above your head, “that i might not be able to control myself this time…”

he lets out a breath, the heat of it fogging the air between you in the dark chill of the room. you feel your skin burning, even as you shiver. your mind spins with the incongruencies, the push and pull, the icy bite of the air, the stinging heat of zayne’s body against yours.

“i-if we freeze tonight —” your voice is unsteady, heady with desire, but zayne cuts you off.

“i won’t let you.” he cups your cheek and you feel the skin there tingle with warmth. slowly, you watch as the vines of pale blue begin to fade from his skin.

you shake your head even as you pull him down for another deep, long kiss, the kind that sears —

“no… i won’t let you.”

when you break apart again, there’s a wild, unfocused light to his eyes, a shallowness to his breaths. he looks dazed, but as his gaze flickers down to your kiss-swollen lips, a razor like focus shifts inside him and suddenly, he’s caging you in, his teeth skimming the delicate skin above your fluttering pulse.

“tell me… tell me this is okay…” his voice is barely a whisper. but you hear it loud as the howling of the storm outside. you breathe out.

“zayne. i want this — i want… you.”

a groan rumbles through him, base and heavy as an avalanche.

he murmurs something that sound suspiciously like a prayer before he sinks his teeth into the bare skin of your shoulder and rips open the front of your shirt in one smooth motion.

the storm outside continues to rage, but at the very least, you can be certain — the ice pulsing beneath his skin is slowly beginning to thaw away.

taste of desire - rafayel

“but this one… i think i like this one best.” rafayel grins as he leans down to press two quick kisses to your cheeks, pulling back to trail his gaze over your blush-tinted skin. heat prickles at your neck but you refuse to look away.

instead, you attempt a glare, “y-you said that three seconds ago.”

rafayel makes an aggrieved expression, “it’s not my fault your cheeks can turn so many colors so quickly! do you know how tiring it is to try and pick my favorite color when i can see so many? ah — there, this one’s nice too!” he taps his finger against the tip of your nose even as you feel your entire face flush.

you bite your lips and push back against him, toppling the pair of you over onto the sofa in his wide-open studio. the windows are cracked, and the spring breeze flirts with the gauzy white curtains; the setting sun paints the entire room in a soft, dreamlike glow.

“why can’t you just call it blush pink like everyone else?” you crinkle your nose and try to turn your head away, even as rafayel shifts beneath you, running a warm palm down the length of your spine to shift you closer.

he cocks his head, lips pushing into a familiar pout, “how can an artist like me be so vague?” he shakes a few strands of hair from his eyes, batting long lashes up at you, “in order to achieve perfection, you have to be specific with your words, you know.”

you’re about to say something else but he sits up, pressing in close enough for your noses to brush, “for instance — if you want a kiss…” his eyes flicker down to your lips; you feel your breath hitch, your heartbeat scattering within your chest like a handful of tossed marbles.

he inches forward, agonizingly slowly, till his lips are hovering only a hair’s breath away from yours. your fingers tighten in his shirt but he makes no move to kiss you.

“you should tell me where…” he makes to lean in, but turns his head at the last moment to skim his lips along your cheeks, his breath tickling your earlobe for a second, “like… here?” he lowers his head, trailing a light kiss against your jaw, “or… perhaps here…” he drops his lips to the bend of your shoulder.

you tremble in his arms, fingers fisting as you attempt to pull him closer.

“r-rafayel… you’re not playing fair.”

he pulls back, an almost gleeful grin spreading across his lips, the light cascading across the room drawing his lashes into long, mesmerizing shadows across the highs of his cheeks.

“why should i? you humans’ve never played fair before. for my own self-preservation… i’ve gotta have a few tricks up my sleeve.”

you squirm in his lap as you feel his fingers tickling at your sides, but as he pins you to his chest, you let out a surprised yelp, palms pressing flat against his chest to steady yourself.

“so, tell me, strange human…” he leans in, nose nudging yours, “what exactly do you want from me, hm?”

you lick your lips, a dull, pulsing ache echoing up from the base of your belly to the top of your spine. you reach up to trace a thumb against the pad of his lips and watch with a stomach-twisting satisfaction as his breath goes shallow, his eyes go wide, go dark.

“kiss me,” you say, leaning down till you’re sure he can almost taste you on his tongue.

you feel him swallow as you trail your thumb down along his neck to the place where his pulse flutters, light and fast as the flurried beats of a butterfly’s wings.

“i thought… i thought i told you… you have to be more specific.”

you allow yourself a grin, fingers tightening ever so slightly around his neck; his cheeks flush the most gorgeous shade of sunset pink and you take a second to marvel to yourself that you’d never quite seen this color on him before. it might just be your favorite yet.

“rafayel… kiss me… right here.”

here come the stars - xavier

looking back, it had felt like a dream — twenty-one days of living together, of grocery shopping and tv-watching, of sleeping next to each other, of waking up to the warm scent of his skin.

“what if we just stayed here forever?”

you twist to face him in the dark; it’s your last night here, and the previous afternoon, you’d sat beneath the thick slices of lemon-yellow sunlight pouring through the windows with a bowl of cherries and the taste of each other resting on your tongues.

“we’d be implicating ourselves in the mission.”

xavier sighs, shifting a bit closer and reaching out to cup your cheek. you lean into the touch, letting your eyes flutter shut as you nuzzle into his heat.

“i know. but…” his finger traces the line of your nose down to the soft of your lips. you let them fall open a second before you feel him pressing in closer, before his lips graze yours and you feel yourself falling into his embrace.

the sheets twist around your ankles. outside, the the scimitar moon watches with slitted silver eyes.

“but…” you say, your voice thick with the honey of recent kisses, “who says that it can’t be like this when we get back to linkon city?”

xavier makes a soft noise at the back of his throat, pulling away to glance down at you.

“what… are you…”

there’s a breathless anticipation pulsing beneath the current of his voice; you sigh and lean up for another quick kiss.

“and you were calling me a dummy earlier…” but even as you steel yourself against the words weighing down the tip of your tongue, you feel your cheeks go hot and silently thank the heavens that it’s too dark in the room for him to see just how red you’d probably gotten.

“i — i’m asking if you want to — i mean, we’re already neighbors so, it wouldn’t even be a very hard move…” you lick your lips, mouth suddenly very dry. beside you, xavier’s gone white-rabbit still. if it weren’t for the shallow sound of his breaths or the wild beating of his heart beneath your hands, you might’ve wondered if he were even there at all.

“i just thought —” you quickly amend, the silence thickening around you like churned butter, “if you really did l-like it like this… it wouldn’t be hard for us to —”

he silences you with another kiss, more forceful this time. and whereas the previous ones were all soft and languid, this one is open-mouthed, a stomach-clenching hunger pouring itself from his mouth to yours as he presses you down beneath him and pins you to the bed.

his knee presses up between your legs and desire lances through you, bright and sharp as lightening. you gasp, biting down on his lips as he groans, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

“i don’t know — if that’s a good — idea —”

you lick your lips, frowning up at him. you’ve never seen him so winded; you’d barely even seen him out of breath, but right now, even in the dim light, you can see him shaking apart at the edges.

“w-why?” you have to fight to keep the hurt from your voice, but the next second, xavier is pressing his tongue back into your mouth and running it along the backs of your teeth. he kisses you so hard and so thoroughly you nearly pass out from the lack of air.

“because — i — we’d never get any sleep. and —” his hair tickles the skin of your cheeks as you let out a surprised laugh, his lips trailing down the length of your throat, “and i rather like my sleep…”

you let your eyes fall shut again, tangling your fingers in his starlight hair as he hisses against your chest.

“well — at least tomorrow we have the day off… so, i suppose if there’s any night we won’t need much sleep…”

xavier lets out a soft groan, shaking his head even as he peppers your skin with even more kisses, “don’t… don’t say stuff like that. people might get the wrong idea.”

you give his hair a playful tug, reveling in the way his whole body seems to go taut above you as he lifts his head.

“or,” you smile, slowly releasing his hair from your fingers, “they might be getting exactly the right idea.”

[mari-lair]

Heyo! just have a little questionroni.

What would replace the event that caused basically all of act 5 & 6 since you've mentioned the Sif friendquest can't be entirely messed up like it was in the original canon?

would it have some connection to memory of promise perhaps?

There is no one on one equivalent of act 5 and 6, i know is a wild move on my part but the family has each other, they can support each other in their times of need or just... relate to the experience of being in a time loop, even when they are at their most stressed they are never fully isolated, which is important since each family member have a different breaking point and there is always at least one person who can go "hey, don't give up, let's try something new. let's visit loop. let's take a break this one loop. let's test x, y, z theories. We ARE doing progress." and even if that result in comflict, at least they are getting angry, at least they are talking.

There is a creeping despair as the loops keep piling and sometimes bad things happen but the equivalent of Siffrin's "The king needs to be defeated by ME for the loop to break," frantic goal/desperate need for hope wouldn't happen, not to that extreme to every family member, during the same loop, which was what made Siffrin spiral into a "can't waste time can't waste time need efficiency can't waste time, just say your lines faster i need you to be strong!!" and pushed him to be a dick.

So what I do have is not a 'shit shit shit shit!!' arc like act 5, but different breaking points/characters arcs sprinkled all over the au. spoiler for said arcs below (or at least the base of them)

Mirabelle is constantly repeating the day were everyone expect her to save Vaugard, which is not that bad when she believes the loops will stop once they beat the king but it is a nightmare after they win and STILL loop back. And her mother/caretaker figure who was the had put all that trust on her has grown into a shadow of herself. She snaps, she have no patience for siffrin's "are you scared for tomorrow? is okay mira, the change god themselves blessed you, we will beat the king" again when she already beat the stupid king and the change god seem to have cursed her.

Bonnie doesn't understand what is happening, not fully, just that they are never getting closer to saving Nille, nothing is changing, and there is a palpable distance between them and Siffrin whenever a loop reset, they hate it, and they snap at Siffrin a lot cause "Frin won't even crabbing remember anyway!s" on their peak of hopelessness (they do still admire Frin so much so that's why they target him a lot, and Bonnie is hurt but they are also kind. They do eventually forgive Siffrin for not remembering, focusing instead of helping him )

Odile grows colder when she realizes Siffrin is somewhat involved. She will do unspeakable things to protect her friends, but Siffrin is one of her friends too so she needs to get a little desensitized to pushing Shiffrin for answers even when they aren't comfortable being pushed. It isn't good for them either to be in a time loop after all, and they won't remember anyway.

Isabeau doesn't have a 'drastic snap' arc, he is too emotionally controlled/mature and cowardly to have that when the team is already stressed. He is a tough cookie to crack, everyone leaves the loop before it happens, but don't be fooled, it does absolutely take a tool on him.

None of these little arcs happen simultaneously.

Act six is just a few loose ideas bouncing in my head as of now tho.

[youryurigoddess]

I was minding my own business and analyzing another part of the A. Z. Fell & Co. bookshop from the Radio Times footage when I noticed something interesting on Aziraphale’s desk. It looks like the angel was studying a handwritten copy of someone’s last will and testament and left in a hurry, with a bronze medal and a fountain pen on top of it. And… an attachment of a land registry plan, barely visible underneath.

Obviously that’s when my South Downs obsessed brain turned all of its alarms on and decided to read the whole thing. And look for the missing parts, since only a portion of the original document was visible on screen. Unfortunately the full text is much longer and less exciting than anticipated, and — spoiler alert — related to a different area of the country, but still relevant to the Good Omens universe. We’ll look into that in a moment.

Let’s start with the struck bronze medal — acting here as a paperweight, which makes the documents in question already stand out from the usual bumph and bric-a-brac accumulated by Aziraphale over an unknown period of time on his desk.

It’s a very interesting rendition of the mythological scene centered around Daedalus fastening the wings onto his son Icarus (little does he know that this attempt to escape imprisonment will lead to his son’s demise). Contrary to popular sentiment in the history of art, this particular version of Icarus isn’t depicted as a child or teenager, but as a warrior donning a helmet and preparing himself to battle. Which makes perfect sense after discovering that it was made for the Royal Air Force Athletic & Cross Country Association’s WAAF Athletic Championships in 1945. There’s some poetic irony in the fact that the medal was apparently given to the third place winner in a high jump category.

Apart from its obviously military style, this concept seems inspired by a 1885-86 medal by Auguste Patey commemorating the experimental flights at the first French wind tunnel at Chalais-Meudon, a town on the banks of the Seine near Paris. On 9 August 1884, engineers Charles Renard and Arthur Constantin Krebs made the first controllable free flight there when they piloted their airship, La France, over a course and returned to their starting point. From 9 August 1884 to 23 September 1885, La France made seven flights and was able to return to its starting point five times.

The last Will and Testament of Josiah Wedgwood

The last Will and Testament of me, Josiah Wedgwood, of Etruria, in the County of Stafford, made the second day of November, in the year of Our Lord one thousand seven hundred and ninety-three, in manner and form following (that is to say): I give and bequeath unto my dear and affectionate Wife, Sarah Wedgwood, all that messuage or dwelling-house situate at or near Etruria aforesaid, with the buildings, gardens, and appurtenances thereto belonging, late in the holding of Mr. Thomas Wedgwood; and also all that field or piece of land in which the same stands, containing eight acres or thereabouts; and also all that close, piece, or parcel of land lying contiguous to the said dwelling-house, called the Horse Pasture, containing by estimation twelve acres or thereabouts; and also all that piece or parcel of land situate at Etruria aforesaid, heretofore purchased by me from Mr. Hugh Booth; To have and to hold the said messuage or dwelling-house, pieces or parcels of land, hereditaments and premises, with their and every of their appurtenances, unto my said Wife, Sarah Wedgwood and her assigns, for and during the term of her natural life. And from and after her decease, I give and devise all and singular the said messuage or dwelling-house, pieces or parcels of land, hereditaments, and premises, with their and every of their appurtenances, unto my Son, Josiah Wedgwood, his heirs and assigns for ever. Also I give and bequeath the sum of three thousand pounds unto my said Wife, to be paid to her within twelve months next after my decease. Also I give and bequeath unto my said Wife so much and such part of my household goods and furniture as is mentioned and specified in the Schedule or Paper Writing hereunto annexed, marked with the Letter A. Also I give and bequeath the sum of ten thousand pounds unto my Executors hereinafter named, upon trust that they, my said Executors, do and shall place the said sum of ten thousand pounds out upon some good and sufficient public or private security or securitys, at interest, to be approved of nevertheless by my said Wife, and do and shall pay to, or permit and suffer my said Wife to receive and take the interest, dividends, and produce of the said sum of Ten thousand pounds, as the same shall from time to time become due to and for her own use and benefit for and during the term of her natural life.

And from and after the decease of my said Wife, I direct that the said sum of ten thousand pounds shall be applied for and towards payment and satisfaction of the several legacys or sums of money hereinafter given by me. And I do hereby direct that the provision hereinbefore made or intended for my said Wife shall be in lieu, bar, and satisfaction of dower and thirds at Common Law. Also I give and devise unto my said Executors, for the use of my said son, Josiah Wedgwood, his heirs and assigns for ever, that part of Etruria Estate which I now occupy, upon the north side of the Turnpike Road leading from Newcastle to Leek, with the house I now live in, the outbuildings belonging to the same, with the pleasure grounds and all appurtenances thereto belonging, being about sixty-five acres; and also another part of the Etruria Estate, now in the occupation of Richard Hall, being about sixty-eight acres; And also another part of the Etruria Estate, now in the occupation of Thomas Ford, being about forty-five acres; and also the Estate late a part of the White House Estate, on the south side the Turnpike Road leading from Newcastle to Leek; and likewise the land purchased from Thomas Heath, with a small meadow on the north side the said Road, and lying in the Parish of Woolstanton; and likewise a meadow lately purchased from John Mare, of Handley, — all in the holding of Richard Billington, being altogether about eighty-one acres; and also a piece of land on the south side of the same Road, now in the holding of Daniel Haywood, being about two acres; and also an Estate bought from George Taylor, and now in the holding of Jonathan Adams, being about nine acres; and also a small piece of land adjoining the land bought from Hugh Booth, together with a part of the Hough Meadow, and now in the holding of John Ryder, being about four acres; and also an estate called the Spittels, situate in Penkhull, in the Parish of Stoke upon Trent, and lately purchased from James Godwin, containing sixty-three acres or thereabouts; and also an Estate adjoining to the Spittels on one side, and to Stoke Lane on the other, situate in Penkhull aforesaid, in the Parish of Stoke upon Trent, late in the holding of Humphrey Ratcliff, containing fifteen acres or thereabouts; and also a piece of land called the Woodhills, situate in the Parish of Stoke upon Trent, lately purchased from Ralph Baddeley, and now in my own occupation, being about eleven acres; and also all buildings, tenements, houses, farmhouses, outhouses, pot works, warehouses, workshops, and other buildings, of what kind soever they may be, situate, standing, and being upon any of the land or premises above named, and not hereinbefore devised; and also all my share of the models and molds of the Manufactory in Etruria aforesaid. Also I give and bequeath the sum of thirty thousand pounds unto my son John Wedgwood. Also I give and bequeath the sum of twenty-nine thousand one hundred and ten pounds, and likewise twenty shares in the Monmouthshire Canal, unto my Son Thomas Wedgwood.

Also I give and bequeath the sum of twenty-five thousand pounds unto my daughter Susannah Wedgwood; and which said several legacys or sums of thirty thousand pounds, and twenty-nine thousand one hundred and ten pounds, and twenty shares in the Monmouthshire Canal, and twenty-five thousand pounds, so given to my said Son John Wedgwood, and to my said Son Thomas Wedgwood, and to my said Daughter Susannah Wedgwood, I do hereby direct shall be paid to them as soon as conveniently may be after my decease, together with interest for the same in the mean time, after the rate of four pounds and ten shillings per centum per annum. Also I give and bequeath the sum of twenty-five thousand pounds unto my Daughter Catharine Wedgwood, to be paid to her as soon after her age of twenty-one years, or day of marriage, which shall first happen, as conveniently may be, with interest for the same in the mean time after the rate of four pounds and ten shillings per centum per annum. Also I give and bequeath the sum of twenty-five thousand pounds unto my Daughter Sarah Wedgwood, to be paid to her as soon after her age of twenty-one years, or day of marriage, which shall first happen, as conveniently may be, with interest for the same in the mean time after the rate of four pounds and ten shillings per centum per annum. Provided always, and I do hereby direct, that in case my said Daughters Catherine Wedgwood and Sarah Wedgwood, or either of them, shall happen to die unmarried before the age of twenty-one years, then that the legacy or legacys of her or them so dying shall sink into and become part of the residue of my personal Estate, and be applied and disposed of accordingly, as shall hereinafter be mentioned. Also I do hereby declare it to be my will that all the rest, residue, and remainder of my said stock in trade, goods, wares, implements, materials, and utensils of trade, and other matters and things used by me, in or belonging to my said Manufactory, except the models or molds therein used or kept, shall, at the time of my decease, sink into and become part of the residue of my personal estate, and be applied and disposed of accordingly. Also I give and bequeath all and singular my household goods and furniture not hereinbefore given to my said Wife, together with all my books, prints, books of prints, pictures, and cabinets of Experiments, of Fossils, and of Natural History, unto my said Son Josiah Wedgwood. And I do hereby commit the Guardianship and Tuition of such of my said children as shall not at the time of my decease have attained the age of twenty-one years unto my said Wife and my said Son John Wedgwood, until such children shall attain the said age. And I do direct that the fortunes or portions of such of my said children shall in the mean time be managed by my said Wife and my said Son John Wedgwood, and a competent part of the interest and produce thereof be applied for their maintenance and education, and the residue of such interest and produce be suffered to accumulate for their benefit and advantage in such manner as my said Wife and Son John Wedgwood shall in their discretion think most meet and proper.

Also I givo and bequeath one annuity or yearly sum of twenty pounds unto my Brother in Law, Philip Clark, for and during the term of his natural life. Also I give and bequeath one annuity or yearly sum of Twenty pounds unto my Niece, Sarah Taylor, for and during the term of her natural life. Also I give and bequeath one annuity or yearly sum of twenty pounds unto Mr. Alexander Chisholm, for and during the term of his natural life; recommending it to my Son Josiah Wedgwood to give him any further assistance that he may stand in need of, to make the remainder of his life easy and comfortable. And I do hereby direct that the said several and respective annuitys of twenty pounds, twenty pounds, and twenty pounds shall be paid and payable quarterly, at the four most usual feasts or days of payment in the year, (that is to say) on every twenty-fifth day of March, twenty-fourth day of June, twenty-ninth day of September, and twenty-fifth day of December, by even and equal portions, free and clear of and from all taxes, charges, and deductions whatsoever; the first payment thereof to begin and be made on such of the said days as shall first and next happen after my decease. Also I give and bequeath the sum of ten guineas unto the said Alexander Chisholm, as a testimony of my regard for him. Also I give and bequeath the sum of two hundred pounds apiece unto all and every the children of my Nephew Thomas Byerley, who shall be living at the time of my decease, to be paid to them at their respective ages of twenty-one years: Provided always, and in case any one or more of the said children shall happen to die without issue before he, she, or they shall attain the said age, then I direct that the legacy or legacys to him, her, or them so dying shall go and be paid unto and amongst the survivors or survivor of them equally, share and share alike, in case there shall be more than one, at such time and in such manner as is hereinbefore directed and expressed of and concerning the said original legacys or sums of two hundred pounds: Provided also, and in case all the said children shall happen to die without issue before they shall attain the said age, then I direct that all the said legacies or sums of Two hundred pounds so given to them as aforesaid shall sink into and become part of the residue of my personal estate, and be applied and disposed of accordingly. And I do hereby expressly direct and declare that no interest shall be allowed or paid upon the said respective legacys or sums of two hundred pounds in the mean time from my decease to the time that the same shall become payable by virtue of this my Will; such legacys or sums of two hundred pounds being given by me in lieu of legacys or sums of one hundred pounds, which it was originally my intention to have directed to be placed out at interest, and to have accumulated for such children of the said Thomas Byerley as aforesaid until they should attain the age of twenty-one years. Also I give and bequeath unto each of my Nephews Thomas and John Wedgwood, Sons of my late Nephew Thomas Wedgwood, of the Upper House in Burslem, the sum of two hundred pounds each, to be paid to them at their respective ages of twenty-one years: Provided always, and in case they shall either or both of them die before they arrive at the age of twenty-one years, I direct that the legacy or legacys of the party or parties so dying, of two hundred pounds so given to them as aforesaid, shall sink into and become part of the residue of my personal estate, and be applied and disposed of accordingly.

Also I give to my Servant George Jones the sum of twenty guineas, as a token of my remembrance of his faithful services to me. Also I give and bequeath to the several persons whose names shall be mentioned and comprised in the Schedule or List hereto annexed, signed with my name, and marked with the letter "B," the mourning Rings or other small legacys or sums of money which shall be therein specified and expressed. Also I give and bequeath unto James Caldwell, Esq., of Newcastle under Lyme, in the County of Stafford, the sum of one hundred pounds, which I desire he will accept as a testimony of my friendship and esteem for him. And I do hereby direct and appoint that my said Nephew Thomas Byerley shall, under the direction of my Executors, settle my accounts and manage and conduct the collection of my debts and other matters relating to the settlement of my concerns in business; and that a Salary of one hundred pounds per annum be allowed and paid to him for such particular service, so long as he shall be employed therein, over and above all charges and expenses attending the same. And it is also my Will that an estate at Burslem, late in the occupation of Joseph Wedgwood, consisting of a newly erected dwelling house, a set of pot works, with other buildings, and a field called the Cross Hill, containing altogether about two acres; and likewise an estate in the Parish of Astbury, in the County of Chester, called Spengreen, and now in the holding of Thomas Johnson, containing about seventy-five acres or thereabouts; and also a piece of land on the east side of the Bridge in Congleton, in the said County of Chester, being about two rods; and also all the rest, residue, and remainder, messages, lands, tenements, hereditaments, and real estate, money, securities for money, debts due and owing, personal Estate and Effects of what nature or kind soever or wheresoever, not hereinbefore particularly devised or disposed of, together with such or so much of the several sums of money hereinbefore mentioned and bequeathed as shall, by means of the contingencies and directions hereinbefore expressed, shall all of them sink into and become parts of the said residue of my personal Estate. And I do hereby give, devise, and bequeath the same unto my said Executors, for the payment of the legacys and annuities hereinbefore mentioned; and provided there should be a residue after the above mentioned payments, then I direct that such residue shall go and be divided unto and amongst my said children, John Wedgwood, Thomas Wedgwood, Susannah Wedgwood, Catherine Wedgwood, and Sarah Wedgwood, their heirs, executors, administrators, and assigns, equally, share and share alike, as tenants in common, and not as joint tenants; and if there should be any deficiency of real or personal estates for paying the said legacys and annuitys, such deficiency shall in that case be born equally amongst and made up by those my said children above named, (that is to say) John Wedgwood, Thomas Wedgwood, Susannah Wedgwood, Catherine Wedgwood, and Sarah Wedgwood, share and share alike, in proportion to the amount of the legacys to them herein left and bequeathed. And I do hereby nominate, constitute, and appoint my said Wife, my said Son John Wedgwood, and the said James Caldwell, Esq., Executrix and Executors of this my Will. And lastly, I do hereby revoke all former or other Will or Wills by me at any time heretofore made, and do declare this only to be my last Will and Testament.

In witness whereof I have to this my last Will and Testament, contained in six sheets of paper, and have to each of the first five sheets thereof set my hand, and to the sixth and last sheet thereof my hand and seal the day and year first before written. — Jos. Wedgwood (L.S.)

Signed, sealed, published, and declared by the said Josiah Wedgwood, as and for his last Will and Testament, in the presence of us, who in his presence, and in the presence of each other, have hereunto subscribed our names as witnesses thereto; the several following words being first interlined: money—my—happen—said. — Alexr. Chisholm, Thomas Mitchell, Joseph Mitchell, Joseph Rutland

John Wedgwood, of Etruria, in the County of Stafford, Esquire, maketh oath, and saith that he has searched among the papers and writings of his late Father, Josiah Wedgwood, late of Etruria aforesaid, Esquire, deceased, in order to find certain Schedules or Paper Writings referred to in the last Will and Testament of the said Josiah Wedgwood, and therein mentioned to be annexed thereto, and respectively marked A and B. And this Deponent further saith that he has not been able to find such Schedules or Paper Writings, or either of them; and this Deponent further saith that he has never heard or been informed, nor does he believe that the said Josiah Wedgwood ever wrote or made out, or caused to be written or made out, such Schedules or Paper Writings, or either of them. — John Wedgwood

Sworn at Newcastle under Lyme, in the County of Stafford, the 29th day of June, 1795, Before me, John Lloyd, a Commissioner.

Proved at London, 2nd July, 1795, before the Judge, by the Oath of John Wedgwood, the Son, one of the Executors, to whom Administration was granted, having been first sworn by Commission duly to administer. Power reserved of making the like grant to Sarah Wedgwood, Widow, the Relict, and James Caldwell, the other Executors, when they shall apply for the same.

That was… certainly a lot of words. Let’s see if they mean anything! Turns out that this isn’t another John Gibson, rural postman and shoemaker from New Cumnock, Scotland, but a prominent historical figure with close familial connections to someone whose name you definitely know.

Josiah Wedgwood (12 July 1730 – 3 January 1795) was an English potter, entrepreneur and abolitionist. Founding the Wedgwood company in 1759, he developed improved pottery bodies by systematic experimentation, and was the leader in the industrialisation of the manufacture of European pottery. He is credited as a pioneer of modern marketing, specifically direct mail, money back guarantees, travelling salesmen, carrying pattern boxes for display, self-service, free delivery, buy one get one free, and illustrated catalogues.

As well as pretty, decorative vases and crockery with aesthetics and technology rooted in antiquity, Wedgwood put his designs to a more radical use. He was elected onto the Committee of the Abolition of the Slave Trade and designed an anti-slavery medallion which became the most famous image of a black person in all of 18th-century art. Covering the costs of distribution and production himself, Wedgwood ensured that it became a powerful symbol of public support.

Josiah was also a founder of the famous Darwin–Wedgwood family and the grandfather of Charles and Emma Darwin. It was the considerable inheritance Josiah left to his son, Josiah II, that enabled young Darwin’s survey voyage aboard HMS Beagle and, consequently, the development of his theory of evolution.

Okay, but what links the “Prince of Potters” to Aziraphale and his bookshop?

In 1774 Josiah Wedgwood and his longtime business partner, Thomas Bentley, opened a new warehouse, enamelling rooms and most handsome showrooms at 12-13 Greek Street, Soho. In 1795, after Josiah’s death, the Wedgwood studio moved to 8 St. James’s Square and the buildings were later occupied by coachmakers, writers and other artists.

Now, through Word of God we already know that Aziraphale spent the 1600s using his personal savings to gradually buy out portions of the neighboring land in order to build the original bookshop “on Greek Street just off Old Compton”, which finally opened in its current form in 1800.

This means that for the time Josiah’s company operated in Soho, they were at least neighbors.

[odoraful]

𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐍𝐈𝐔𝐌 𝐩.𝟐

zayne finally meets with you again in his dreams, though he is unprepared to face the harsh truth

read part 1 content: dawnbreaker!zayne x reader; a direct continuation from zayne’s anecdote 'still in dark' (spoiler warning); 2.2k words; angst :( reading bgm ♫ It is The Nature of Dreams to End (Julia)

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It took a few seconds for Zayne’s brain to register that he should reply to you. 

Stop staring with your mouth agape. Say something. 

The words were lodged in his throat.

You fidgeted with your hair, eyes turned downwards. “Excuse my manners. I should stop addressing you incorrectly and ask for your name.”

Zayne cringed internally. A great start — he now gave the impression that he was deliberately ignoring you for your supposed impoliteness. 

“No, please, it's alright.” The sentence tumbled out of him. “My name is Zayne.” His arms remained glued at his sides. 

“It's the same as his… everything is the same,” you murmured, shaking your head in disbelief. Your brow was in a deep furrow, as if you someone had given you some incalculable equation to solve. He could tell that a million questions were flooding your thoughts right now. 

“If it’s any consolation,” he tried his best to give a reassuring smile, but he felt his lips tremble as he lifted the corners of his mouth, “I also have questions about how we’ve come to meet.”

You raised your head, finally meeting his gaze. In all his dreams with you, he'd never seen such worry on your face. He felt a crushing urge to take you in his arms, smooth a hand over your hair, whisper in your ear that he was here for you, that he was here to protect you. Instead, he squeezed his fists tight.

“Then, should we go somewhere more comfortable and have a talk?” You offered, turning around to face the pavilion suspended on the river. You lifted a hand to shade your eyes. “The sun is too bright to be standing outside.” 

Zayne nodded. It would be too embarrassing for him to say that the golden sunlight targeting you was likely a product of his own subconscious. Moving to your side, the two of you headed towards the bridge leading to the pavilion. As he walked, Zayne relaxed his fists, feeling the sting in his palm from his own digging fingernails.

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Your eyes went wide with alarm. “Humans that slowly transform into wanderers? That’s horrifying.” You wrapped your arms around yourself, goosebumps forming on your skin.

Sitting now on the bench that lined the inside of the pavilion, the two of you conversed about your respective worlds. With embarrassment, he mentioned how he dreamt about you since he was 12. You laughed at how shy he was getting, as he turned his head away from yours, not wanting you to see the break in his coolness. When you spoke, he acted as a dutiful listener, despite having already extensively researched the fabled Linkon City. It felt surreal to hear your experience first hand. It made him feel less crazy to hear everything he learned was true. 

“And are there hunters to help control this? To keep everyone safe?” You asked. 

Zayne inhaled a long breath. He looked out past your shoulder at the shimmering river. He turned solemn, his eyes unfocused. 

“I don’t know of anybody in my world who has an evol, as you’ve called it, besides me.” 

He felt no pride in owning this power. It was a burden he shouldered since he was a child. Yet, he understood the gravity of the responsibility forced upon him. If he abandoned this role, what would become of his world? The cards he were dealt gave him a singular purpose in life. 

That was until you entered his life. 

You remained silent, digesting the information he had given and what it implied. Zayne felt acutely aware of every one of his senses. The rhythm of his breaths, the weight of his hands clasped in his lap, the stiffness in his posture. 

“You save people’s lives.”  His eyes shifting back to you, Zayne unexpectedly saw a wistful look on your face. “It reminds me a lot of my Zayne.”

This should have been the part where you condemned him, like everyone else in his world. Called him a monster, a killer, nothing but a story to scare children into behaving well. If he wasn’t mistaken, the faint smile on your face was one of admiration. Never had he seen himself as heroic. Those few words you spoke made him crumple. He placed his head in his hands. Not only that, you said it reminded you of your Zayne. 

He heard the rustle of your dress beside him as you sat closer to him. Your legs almost flush against his. If he leaned barely a millimetre to his right, your arms would touch. 

“I want to know,” he started, finding his voice again. “In the past, you never realised I was someone else. What changed in that last dream?”

Humming in thought, you tapped a finger on your chin. “I’m not too sure about it myself.” You began to chuckle sheepishly.  “I do have a working theory, but I would need to…” Your sentence trailed off. Zayne stared at you, confused. You seemed to shrink under his gaze. 

“Is it alright if I…” Biting your lip, you fidgeted with your fingers. “Touch you?” 

What kind of theory is this? Zayne could never guess your next move. Freely speaking your mind, acting on your first instinct, these were traits so foreign to him. Your unpredictability was something he loved and feared.

“Of- of course,” he blurted out, less composed than he would’ve liked to show. He prayed his cheeks didn’t betray him by turning bright pink. Turning his body towards you, he rested his hands on his thighs, waiting for what you would do. 

You reached a hand and gently cupped his cheek. 

Unable to contain his reaction, Zayne let out a shuddering breath at the contact as he leaned in. The casual affection that was so natural for you to show completely overwhelmed him. As you leaned in, your eyes slowly examined him, moving up and down his face. All Zayne could do was yield under your attention. Despite no words being exchanged, he felt more vulnerable to you than ever before. 

He grasped your hand, holding it against his face. You felt so real. How could his mind conjure something so tangible? The shape of your knuckles, the creases on your fingers, all of it was warm and alive under his cool touch. He was certain that if he touched the underside of your wrist, he would feel your steady pulse. 

“Zayne.” Your voice was a hesitant whisper. “You’re hurting me…” 

Caught up in exhilaration, Zayne didn’t notice how tight his grip had become. Your fingers were being crushed together by his. He immediately released his hold, cursing inwardly at himself. What was he thinking? Your Zayne wouldn’t have done that. He wouldn’t have been so aggressive, so overly emotional. 

“I remember now.” Feeling your breath graze his skin as you spoke, he fought off the urge to shiver. “I started to notice that there was something about your gaze…” Your eyes softened with sympathy. “There’s no warmth to it.”

Your hand trailed down his cheek to his neck. “And when I touch you.” Tingles followed wherever your fingers went. “You tense up everytime.” Emphasising your point, your hand rested on his shoulder, forcing him to relax his muscles. “Almost like you’re scared of me, somehow.”

No, this wasn’t how it was meant to go. He had expected you to say something trivial — his appearance was slightly off, or he had just forgotten to say or do something that was an obvious tell. These were easy fixes for him.

Zayne screwed his eyes shut, defenceless against your pity.

After all these dreams living in snippets as this doctor, this perfect version of himself, he still couldn’t get it right. No matter how well he could copy, from watching all those medical show episodes or tasting as many desserts as his barren world could offer, there were fundamental things about himself he couldn’t change.  

“I-I don’t understand.” He said, strained. He felt like a child again, terrified of making the wrong move. “I thought I did everything right.”

“You did!” You exclaimed. Bringing your other hand to his other shoulder, you gently squeezed them. “You treat me so kindly whenever we met, but my Zayne is the one back in my world, in Linkon.”

Your hands withdrew from his shoulders. “And in any case, this-” You gestured around, “- is just a dream. I might not even remember this exact conversation when I wake up. I don’t think I’m even real in this-”

“Don’t say that.” He snapped. 

His voice seemed to reverberate around the garden. The severity of his tone silenced you instantly. 

Sitting still was too restricting for him now. He ran a hand through his hair, needing to move around. He stood up, nausea swirling at the pit of his stomach. Rubbing his eyes with the edges of his hands, he saw stars in the vision. 

To hell with composure.

“I’ve known you for so, so long.” It was difficult to speak when every word constricted his throat. “Do not tell me that you’re not real because then everything I’ve worked towards would be for nothing.” 

You cocked your head, confused. “Everything you’ve worked towards?”

Sparing himself the shame, he stayed quiet. He wouldn’t tell you how he spent his entire life in a fruitless endeavour to become the person you loved. It was a shattering realisation he arrived at. He was nothing but an imposter, a poor imitation. He could never be your Zayne. Desperation bubbled rapidly within him. The pressure reached a tipping point. 

“You told me before that you’d always stay by my side" His tone wavered, struggling to keep stable between his quickened breaths. "Don’t leave me, please.” He pleaded, face contorting with agony. This loss would be more painful than any Abomination strike to his heart.

Your eyes were downcast, shoulders slumped. “Of course I can meet with you again, but I don’t think I can stay with you forever.” You wrapped your arms around yourself. “I’m so, so sorry, Zayne. It- it just doesn’t feel right for some reason.”

The floor of the pavilion swayed under his feet. The tranquillity of the garden felt more like a mockery now than a solace. Why did you have to see through him? Could he have prevented this from happening? Seized by his own racing thoughts, he didn’t even detect you moving towards him. You encircled his waist with your arms and he crumpled into the hug instinctually. Tears welled up in the corners of his eyes. Nobody would be there to comfort him when he woke up. He’d share his misery with only the birds that nested at his window in the mornings. So, he savoured the feeling of your hand rubbing his back soothingly, letting your warmth consume him.

”Perhaps there’s an equivalent version of me in your world.” He could just hear your voice over the thumping heartbeat in his ears. “If there’s me and my Zayne in Linkon, then shouldn’t there also be someone for you?”  

A version of you? He couldn’t begin to process what you were saying. No one could replace you, it was a ridiculous suggestion. How easily you would brush him aside like this.

He dared to look at your face once more. There was no contempt in your expression like he thought there would be. There was genuine care in your eyes. Of course, you were always the hopeful one. 

“It’s not too late for you to find out who you truly are, Zayne.”

That was the last thing he heard before he was abruptly pulled from you. 

Dreams seldom have satisfying endings to them — bouncing from one scene to the next, blurring beginning, middle, end, and finishing far too soon. And so, like the snapping of thread, he was flung back into the waking world. 

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When Zayne awoke from previous dreams, he’d always feel at peace. However, this time he jolted awake, gasping for air. Taking in deep breaths to steady himself, he saw the blankets had been kicked aside onto the floor. Sweat slicked the back of his shirt and beaded down the side of his head. 

Zayne sat up against the bed head, letting his head roll to the side to gaze out the window. The sun was just beginning to rise, the landscape outside diffused by pale blue light. A bird flew up to the sill, hopping curiously on the ledge. It then settled down, legs disappearing into its feathery body. 

He opened the drawer of his bedside table and wearily reached for his journal and pen. With a heavy heart, he scrawled down everything he could recall about the dream. Where he was, what you wore, what you said. The occasional lilting chirp from the bird cut through his pondering.

“Another version of me.”

Could there be someone like you in his world? Someone who would want to spend time with him? He’d never thought to talk to anyone else, he only ever needed you. 

He finished his final sentence, the writing almost unintelligible.

“Who you truly are.” 

When he wasn’t chasing down the person in his head, when he wasn’t trying to be someone else, who was he, truly? 

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a/n: thank you for reaching the end xx 🥹 you've hit the surprise author note! i'm putting it here this time cuz i didn't want to detract from the main story with all my yapping at the start! i thought the bgm had a title fitting for my interpretation of dawnbreaker zayne's arc, and it does have the appropriate melancholic vibe to it :') this was my first time writing something longer and angst-ier, so apologies if it reads awkwardly D: i will continue honing my writing! i wish you a lovely day or night <3

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[ganondoodle]

okay i do have to do a mini (i call it mini now.. this is just letting my feelings about it out, so its spelled agressively bc im just so .. frustrated ... also not hate to the studio or the people working on it .. obviously >_>) rant about arcane-

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR ARCANE SEASON 2

its the most beautiful show ever produced, i mean it, its style, fortiche's (the studio) style, is just .... impossibly pretty, 3d and 2d, the animation is just so GOOD, the designs largely (like 95%) are too, the acting and sound design, the voice acting (at least the english one) is so emotional and good, the show in general is just good ... until the last episode

i have my own problems with riot declaring arcane the new canon out of nowhere and for no good reason since it was, im very sure, never conceived to be that, its a reinterpreation and works best as such, now literally everything is once again completely messed up, no one knows whats real and what isnt, no champion or story is safe, especially with the weird hexcore bullshit potentially erasing the VOID (whish is like ... half on which the canon was built on tbh) AND hextech- multiple champions being impossible to exist now .... but thats not what i wanted to talk about

i was pretty on board with everything the show did, though i wasnt a big fan of the whole hexcore stuff, but it all spiraled so far out of control, it just kept making everything worse, also with bringing in the black rose and leblanc, it kept piling stuff onto the plate despite them already compressing everything so drastically; espeically regarding viktor, but i kept my hope up even after season 2s act 2 bc it still seemed 'fixable', though not easily so

what i liked about it (in its writing) despite its pacing issues was that it was rather .. self contained for the longest time, focused on the characters and the class struggle of piltover and zaun, and doing so rather well imo, like it did and said things i did not expect riot to let through

i was worried with the alternate universe stuff that came with the escalating hexcore bullshit but held onto hope even until episode 8 and then ...man .. the last episode ... the fuck was that- like i hate timetravel and multiverses and whatever but the thing with ekko was done rather neatly ... they made all those chaarcter models and sets just for that short stuff and really .. was of little use other than getting heimerdinger out of the picture as well lmao maybe he will get his own series to advertise for 200 dollar skins in league hahaaaa but i guess the main point was to give ekko the z-drive ... which feels alot like what i feared about them forcing it to comply with the characters in game ,,,, even though that wasnt for everyone like warwick was done SO dirty after giving me hope in act two

everythings focused on the hexcore/arcane shit, theres the black rose shit (honestly i think it was a mistake bringing them in too bc .. noxus is its entire own region with so many champs and story itself that got connected via ambessa .. which was a new character the show made up until they made her a champ now .. its just too much to put into this one show already going at a breakneck pace), mel doing her bit with them then bam she mage now which felt like a champion teaser more than an organic part of the story, especialyl with how hard it got pushed later (poor little riots gotta sell more game cosmetics uwu), jayce just taking over control again and everyone going with it, singed reviving stupid version victor via using vander/warwick WHO WAS STILL ALIVE AFTER ISHA BLEW HERSELF UP TO STOP HIM FROM KILLING EVERYONE (which was ALREADY pretty cheap, but i guess jinx had to be even more suicidal than she already was heehoo), dont even ask me HOW, viktor was just whoops from corpse to im a cocoon now, ambessa being so obsessed with it, the entire class struggle being """"solved"""" by piltover and zaun fighting stupid viktors weird ass robot shitheads together and then acting like giving sevika a seat at the council is the solution to it, half the cast just dying horribly for honestly no reason?? ORIANNA being now i guess some weird viktor robot but without the mindcontrol part and singed just kinda ... winning i guess by giving her cocoon some goo of stupid viktors cocoon

it just all ... turning from this so drama, character and class struggle thing into weird ass dimension hopping magical world war that all gets solved bc we fought together once uwu AND it being a fucking timeloop WITHIN what ONE episode? and that being the ENDING (i know i know the hexcore bs was building up throughout the show but it still felt so .. unearned and sudden ... )

also i got personal gripes with the 'ending' bc .. was it REALLY an ending like they kept saying?? was it?? viktor, jayce, heimerdinger, jinx are just disappeared i guess, mel going back to noxus- the fucking 'our story isnt over' tease???? the last minute appearance of swains fucking raven???? pecking at something blue and shining like idk a hex crystal??? SHUT UP i dont want more to come, this story should have had its self containing ending, not this open ended bullshit that just reeks of corporate meddling bc they want their game to connect to their popular show as much as possible now so we gotta bring in as many teases and connections to other champions YIPPIEEEEE (yelling)

also if jinx is dead, wow, what a way to end her story, the traumatized suicidal character being tortured and tortured especially after seemingly having something good for once (i liked act 2 except for its ending the most bc ... man jinx was so enjoyable there, i loved her dynamic with vi and isha and half wolf vander warwick with the beast and man struggle i love alot, that part was genuinely beautiful, i wasnt a fan of the idea of idk ekko doing time stuff and them having a happy ending bc i just dont like going back in time to fix everything kinda stuff, but i would have much much prefered that, not changing the existing story into the perfect world where everythings happy (though i liked that part ... vander silco being gay husbands like that is just so goood) but to fix what is fixable in the present- them still having gone through alot but being able to live with it, so act 2 setup was honestly my favorite way to not invalidate everything and still have something happy .... but no we gotta kill the kid to make jinx even worse and vander/warwick too while we are at it

if shes not dead (given you see a blimp(?) flying away and her scribbles showing up and caitlyn looking at the blueprints of the hexgates) then ... ??? oh yeah lets make her leave zaun and just idk go be the main character in noxus or soemthing for the next show they are gonna do bc jinx is popular so putting her everywhere is a good idea!!!1!!11

ALSO since vander/warwick is my favorite .. i thought maybe after isha doing that, if they dont reverse it, hed get taken by singed again or ran away and turned fully werewolf like he is in the game (though i would have liked if they were able to be a weird family like in act2)- but no he just gets used as fuel for stupid viktor cocoon and then mind erased and made into the ugliest weird robot thing that looks more like galio than him JUST and i feel like it really is JUST to have Vi at the end do the scene that gets jinx 'killed' .. to lead into the 'more to come' teaser.. idk about you but that scene felt so .. forced, the typical oh no platform is slowly falling down but Vi suddendly gets emotional about weird ugly robot warwick (who conveniently comes back to life as ugly robot beast since his human mind got erased but not the beast??? i guess???) and completely ignores jinx yelling at her to get to safety, it felt so WEIRD to me (if you gotta do him like that at least let Vi listen to jinx, them embracing and then watchign emotionally as robo vanderwick falls into the hexgate thing .. that was still active somehow i guess??)

(poor viktor got done so dirty too .. i liked him .. until it all went weird wit hthe hexcore stuff ....... ..... also jayce weird speech to him .. why the FUCK did you not do that back in the cult camp instead of blasting him to bits, i get it he was fucked up from seeing the future, but then later hes just ... okay???? pretty fine all things considered??? and pretty aware of everything?? also his weird speech being all like vitkor actually you were perfect in your imperfection BITCH HE WAS SLOWLY DYING AN AGONIZING DEATH???? idk ??? it all feels so weird to me, like there episodes literally missing- ambessa dying also felt so unnecessary .. just so mel can take her place and go to noxus and have more shows maybe- )

i just .... and just like how i cant enjoy botw anymore after them fucking it all up with totk ... i dont know if i will rewatch arcane knowing it ends like that, what was that for, the most beautiful show ever made just to do a game of thrones ending in a single episode?

im so tired of it all ..... im so tired of being disappointed and feeling let down over and over no matter with how little expectations i go in with

this willl be the only arcane rant unless theres some .. big stupid reveal that gets me more frustrated than i am now, which i hope there isnt .. im tired of being and feeling like this .. i just want to enjoy things, everythings going to shit IRL and i cant even find something enjoyable to watch

[tadc-harlequin-au]

what is each characters fears and does jax still fear corn

cause if so

A BIG LUMP WITH KNOBS

Caine - losing people around him (especially the ones he loves)

Pomni - herself, and her directive (more on that later)

Ragatha - intimacy, bug-like creatures (the more legs, the scarier)

Jax - genuine connections, and corn. Definitely corn.

Gangle - any type of authority, bullies

Z - staying still in place while doing nothing for too long, being physically restrained

Kingr - losing control of his urges and going berserk

Bubble - having no projects of Caine to chew on

I'm trying not to include major spoilers so some fears have been left out

[zeb-z]

jrwi riptide 100//

Jay wanting to be a pirate just because of the freedom it gives her in this world. No lofty goals or ambitions. That’s what it’s always been about, hasn’t it? Since La Alma, who set sail from Joaldo without a thought of his future, and even before him, it’s been a clear theme. There is freedom in the open seas, there is freedom in having an open future. Not knowing what is next because you get to decide your heading.

And they help others find their freedom as well, as they make their own journey. Whether it’s by helping them fight back against whatever boot is crushing them, or trying to help them and give them resources to continue on their journey, or other such means. They’re the best goddamn pirates because they embrace this freedom, and they use their power to help others find their freedom as well.

[rei-ismyname]

Exceptional X-Men #4 REVIEW

I've been singing the praises of Eve L Ewing and Carmen Carnero's Exceptional X-Men, so let's see what they manage to do now that the premise is established and they've got 5 main characters we're invested in. A benefit of establishing your characters early is that you get to focus on introducing plot elements, special guests, and complications - like serialised storytelling does. Uncanny is a good example of how a lack of focus early on weakens everything you try to do. It's hard to care about The Outliers or Nightcrawler when they feel like wallpaper, and now they're running around an event without knowing who they are. The stakes lay primarily with Rogue. Trista/Bronze is a fantastic example of this done right, and as you'll see we can explore plot developments that wouldn't make sense elsewhere. Spoilers ahoy, caveat emptor.

Trista gets a lot of focus which works because we know who she is and what she wants.

Due to Kate pushing back against taking these kids somewhere isolated for training, we get to see them try to live normal lives. Trista has friends outside the tiny mutant peer group, a crush, and an interest in theatre. She declared last issue that her goal is to not hurt anyone, and she's struggling with what people tell her to be and what she wants. She's a sweet kid, and I'd say there's a racial component to this dichotomy - how black kids are perceived and how they need to act to get by in a white supremacist world. That's outside my experience but I'm invested in how Trista deals navigates the issue. After all, being strong, kind, gentle and lovely aren't mutually exclusive

I hesitate to compare to Uncanny again, but they both have high school scenes and the difference is stark. Westinghouse College Prep is a real life school in Chicago (that Biggie, Jay Z, Busta Rhymes and DMX all went to) and it is ranked pretty highly nationally. According to its website it has 98% minority enrollment. Importantly, it feels like a real school in 2024 with real people attending it, and not just because it actually is one IRL. There's no need to reach for played out generic high school tropes when the characters feel like real people with real problems already - verisimilitude.

After a smash cut to Trista with a sentinel looming over her, we learn that Emma does a pretty damn good Danger Room analogue. Trista seems determined and in control at first, using her different powers in concert effectively. She does manage to Empire Strikes Back trip the Sentinel up, but wigs out when it falls on top of her, understandably. Emma calls it, and we see more proof of why she's considered good at training young mutants.

Bobby's entrance at the end of last issue felt like a cliffhanger by virtue of being on the final page, but I'm glad his presence doesn't derail the plot entirely. It's implied that some time has passed, maybe a week - enough time for Bobby and Trista to get to know each other and enough time for Bobby to feel Kitty is avoiding him. Trista picks up on his odd behaviour and asks Emma about psychic ethics, heh. Her answer is funny and sardonic while still getting the point across. Emma and Trista having one on one time tells us a lot about Emma's sincerity and the trust she's earned through good works.

The subtext of Trista's distraction is made text - she's preoccupied with the audition, her crush, and the fear of exposure/social rejection. While we know this already, or could guess, it's effective to have newer characters tell their story. What they say is as important as what they don't say or how they say it. She responds well to being listened to and positive reinforcement, accepting the reframing of the audition as an opportunity.

Bobby is definitely up to something and acting weird. His persona feels performative. He's explicitly faking bathroom usage to text privately, and while his texting is worded vaguely enough to not give much away, it does seem sinister. At minimum he is lying about why he's there. Kitty picks up on the same weirdness Trista did and she's really not having it. He doesn't have the vibes of a friend seeking or offering support, though Kitty isn't interested in either and tells him to leave. Idk if Bobby even has a home right now - he was living in Antarctica because ORCHIS poisoned him and he couldn't hold a solid form for long. He was back with Romeo last time we saw him but also didn't have a physical body. I can't blame the creators for not explaining that, I have to assume they're under the same editorial direction everyone else is.

Trista's warmup scene has excellent layout, with the other kids' faces in circles next to their supportive texts. It's a clever way of showing their faces in an issue they're mostly absent from, and it's a solid method of variety in an issue with more texting than most. Showtime!

Trista meekly introduces herself to the casting guy/director and he suggests that the lead might not be right for her. He's polite, though she's about to disagree when her mutant life and school life clash in an unexpected way. One of those yellow beasts from X-Force appears from a portal and grabs her crush. You don't need to have been reading X-Force, it's a big monster (that were confirmed to be appearing globally in that book) and it's here. Trista rallies and uses her training to bronze up and get her head in the game.

It's a dangerous situation but has a simple solution suited to Trista's skillset. She grabs it with her tentacle things, ties it up and yeets it through the portal. Her overcoming it with pure force or martial skill would be a bit silly, but by linking her training and the progress she's made with Emma to a simple solution, it feels like an appropriate and believable triumph. Strong yet gentle. Neutralizing the beast and protecting herself and others without using overwhelming violence. It's a very effective character beat and the support/adulation from the theatre people is earned. She nailed the audition, and gets offered her choice of parts, though interestingly she turns it down in favour of her training. The theatre folks show solidarity and swear to keep her mutanthood a secret.

Trista shows up to training and seems more confident, her posture showing strength and positivity. It looks like Bronze, Axo and Melee are all benefiting and even Kate manages a smile. Then she overhears Bobby on the phone while grabbing some equipment. It's not a good look.

What Bobby is saying is so weird that she's not even sure it's him. Kate phases her hand next to his heart and straight up threatens him. He explains that everyone is worried about her and she says she's choosing this life. He tries to bring up ORCHIS and she shuts it down, saying out loud that she killed people. A little too loud, it turns out.

The kids overhear and are horrified, understandably. They're really young and don't have the kind of life experiences that come with being an X-Man - of course they are! Tom Brevoort has made a lot of noise about the X-Men killing people in Fall of X, an argument that has ignored the nuance of being at war with genocidal fascists. The issue hasn't made it to the page in a meaningful way until now, and I couldn't be more impressed. Rooting the issue in Kate's trauma and shame - as something that terrifies the students she's trying to help and likely damaging the trust she's built - approaches it on a believable character level.

This is a big part of what caused Kate to hang up her Spandex and it's something she's going to have to reckon with. Add the kids' emotional and ethical reaction and you've got a fantastic cliffhanger with the promise of explosive drama.

Kate grabs Bobby's phone and it's Rogue on the other end. She doesn't look like she's at Haven or in uniform, so who knows what's going on there? They're clearly ahead of Raid on Graymalkin as Iceman is in league with them, as if that book needs more characters. Kate doesn't care and hangs up on her. I wasn't going to compare to Uncanny a third time, but if the two are crossing over it invites comparison. Kurt's glib comment about thinking he was a murderer felt trite and silly, next to the dramatic execution of Shadowkat's actions being confronted it looks downright amateur. Kate is clearly having a PTSD flashback or intrusive thought during this conversation - whereas it wouldn't work for Bobby or Emma to announce that she has PTSD, for example.

I do enough shitting on Uncanny's writing in my reviews of that book, my point is how well similar beats are executed in this book. Eve L Ewing and Carmen Carnero's Exceptional X-Men is aptly named and frankly, if you're not reading it you're missing out. We know all these characters well enough that we care about their reaction to this revelation. Kate looks like she's about to break down, and Bronze and Axo's body language is heartbreaking. Emma knows shit is about to hit the fan and she's surely aware she killed people in Fall of X too. That's how you do a cliffhanger. Issue #4 managed to do a Trista focus issue, some slice of life, excellent character work, and lit a fuse to explode next issue all in 20 pages.

Exceptional X-Men is fantastic and you should be reading it.

[1296-very-good-year]

What I absolutely adore about Arcane in season 1 was its dedication to treating magic realistically. Science is the study of the natural world after all, and in Arcane's world, magic IS natural. Scientists would be the ones pursuing it.

Hextech was always going be invented, if not by Jayce and Viktor, then by somebody else down the line. By trying to stop them, Heimerdinger was only delaying the inevitable.

We get to see exactly how "science" can go wrong, both with Jayce succumbing to political manipulation to build weapons on behalf of the ruling class, and with Viktor throwing caution to the wind in his desperation to save himself. BOTH of them fuck around and find out. Dead child and dead Sky. (Singed is also used to explore a lack of ethics).

BUT Heimerdinger is not proven right. His position of trying to stop their research for the harm it could cause was wrong, because all scientific/technological progress can lead to harm. Harnessing fire allowed us to cook food and boil water to kill germs, dramatically improving and saving lives. It also lets us burn down cities, but that is no reason to avoid using fire altogether.

Season 1 does end with a Hextech-powered bomb going off in Viktor and Jayce's face, but it is clear that the corruption of the council and the systemic injustice the rich profited from is what created Silco, Jinx, and ultimately that bomb. Happy people don't burn down cities.

The council had control of all Hextech development from the beginning. They demanded the creation of the Hexgates - which did nothing to help the people of Zaun - and Piltover flourished. Zaun only got worse in those 6 years. All Viktor and Jayce wanted to do was give magic to everyone, but Heimerdinger made them delay it, and so their work was only used to serve the wealthy. They were never allowed the freedom to give magic to the common people.

Heimerdinger's stagnation as leader on the council for decades was infinitely more responsible for that bomb than Viktor and Jayce.

End of Season 1. Brilliant. Showstopping. Spectacular. Etc.

How does season 2 expand on this? Spoiler alert....

NOT WELL

We are introduced to the concept of the Arcane itself reacting negatively to use of Hextech. The anomaly appears that begins to poison life that comes in contact with it. Here is our metaphor for environmental destruction/pollution by industry. Interesting, let's see where that metaphor leads! (The answer is it leads nowhere).

While Heimerdinger was never shown grappling with the results of the terrorist attack that killed people he was presumably close to, he did FINALLY change enough to help Ekko create an anomaly to get home. He also worked directly to improve the lives of people in Zaun in the 3 years he was in that alternate timeline. Good stuff!

AND THEN

We are told that in all timelines Viktor goes crazy and tries to assimilate everyone into a single emotionless hivemind. Inevitably. Except, the alternate timeline where Ekko and Heimerdinger go is one without Hextech at all, where Jayce likely killed himself, and Viktor would have died from his disease. So, either there is an evil Viktor running around offscreen in that timeline, or he only ends the world if Hextech is invented.

If we make the more obvious assumption that Viktor only goes crazy in all timelines where Hextech is invented, then the through line here is that apparently Hextech should never have been pursued in the first place, and Viktor should have just let himself die.

"Hextech is a curse," Jayce says, and this is not once challenged by the narrative.

"I used to want to give magic to the world, now all I want is my partner back." .....what the fuck...

Jayce and Viktor's arcs are complete when they decide to kill themselves TOGETHER this time, along with destroying the Hexgates, the anomaly, and Ekko's Z drive, symbolically removing Hextech from the world to save the day. This is - in the writers words - the end of their story.

Season 2 says Viktor and Jayce should never have stopped each other from jumping to their deaths. Hextech was bad all along, actually.

Mel's magic is natural and wonderful because she was born with it.

And Singed apparently didn't try to use magic for his unethical science, so he gets his happy ending :)