#context: my family is mormon

[sporkberries]

Discussing Joshua Graham in the fandom is really weird(outside the apologism bad takes etc etc) because i see a lot of content that kinda assumes mormonism is the same as other forms of christianity. I totally see where this comes from as a lot of people who didnt grow up in or around the church don’t know much about mormonism but holy shit guys. holy shitttt you have no clue how deep this shit goes its fucking batshit. Like i can’t even figure out where to start because its so racist and insane.

[autismmydearwatson]

My grandfather: if you decide not to have babies you'll have to explain yourself to the unborn children in heaven who wanted to be your kids

Me explaining myself to the unborn children in heaven who wanted to be my kids: yeah so anyway if I was your father I'd have beaten your head against a wall until you died if you made too much noise

The unborn children in heaven who wanted to be my kids: wow okay I get it now

[slut4converse]

my Mom won't let me take my meds bc it's starve-yourself-Sunday, and I can't take them on an empty stomach. The whole goddamn reason I have to take them is because I get fucking ANEMIC on my period, and she thinks this will HELP???????

[fruitywardrobe]

Every now and then I have a panic about what if I really did leave the one true faith and I’m going to be alone in hell and then my parents say some stupid ass shit and I’m like. Oh. Okay. At least my head isn’t as far up my ass as theirs I guess.

[hiseyeisonthesparrow]

I am feeling very hurt today.

For context, I went to high school in well-off, suburban Utah, although I didn't grow up there. My family still lives there. It's a VERY Mormon- and white-dominated location.

Last night, I was on the phone with my mom, just catching up, making plans for the weekend, the typical Phone Home Because Your Mom Misses You.

She told me that there were plans to build a warming shelter for the homeless in the town. I was excited -- I'd just been to a workshop about homelessness, and me and my friends had exchanged some heartfelt stories about our experiences with homeless friends, family, ward members, et cetera. But then she followed it up by telling me that many folks in the town were strongly against it -- mad that there would be a warming shelter in the town, yelling about it on Facebook groups, protesting at city council meetings. None of them wanted a warming shelter in their town. Hundreds of people, upset.

I've never felt more disheartened. Over half of the people in that town are members of the Church. The chances that there were Mormons at that city council meeting, yelling angrily about a warming shelter are astronomically high.

What God are they following?

What Christ did they get baptized to?

What scriptures do they read? Did they not get the chance to read Proverbs 19:17, Matthew 25:35-36, Luke 3:11, James 2:15-16, 1 John 3:17, Deuteronomy 15:11, Psalms 82:3-4, Proverbs 14:31, Isaiah 58:10, Mosiah 4:16-26, Alma 34:28-29, Mosiah 18:28-30, 3 Nephi 12:3, or Jacob 2:13-17?

What commandments are they following? What "love one another" do they ascribe to?

What has the name of Christ become in this day and age?

The devil turning evil into good and good into evil has never been so obvious. What perversion of gospel principles can possibly lead someone to riot against a warming shelter -- not even a homeless shelter? A place for people to stay alive in the blistering cold.

"Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." The 'members' that have fought against this have, effectively, spit in the face of the Lord. Where has Christlike compassion gone?

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "ruining" my mother in laws Thanksgiving by doing a land acknowledgement?

For context, my wife (29f) and I (29m) grew up Mormon in Utah, and we were perfect Mormons until we learned about feminism, anti-colonialism, etc. and left the church. This is a point of contention among family.

So every Thanksgiving, my in laws go around the table and everyone has to say what they are thankful for. Often this is used to drop passive aggressive testimonies to try and get us to come back to church.

This Thanksgiving, we were at my in laws, and they did the obligatory "what are you thankful for" around the table. Having put up with this stupidity for years, I decided to mix it up. When it was my turn, I said

"I'm grateful for the Shoshone and Goshute tribes for maintaining this land before we came here, and surviving despite Brigham Young's best efforts."

For those unaware, Brigham Young was the second prophet and first governor of the state of Utah, and continued manifest destiny in what was then Mexico, with all the violence that implies.

Anyway, after that it was a little awkward, and some relatives were suddenly thankful for their "pioneer ancestors making hard choices." The vibe was basically ruined until we left. My mother in law and some cousins were visibly upset, but they didn't say anything directly to me about it.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

In your original post on the affair rumor, you made an aside about Nicole Cliffe living in Utah. Can you explain that? I just checked and she’s not Mormon. Is there some other reason to dislike a Canadian writer living in Utah?

First, my dislike for Nicole Cliffe has nothing to do with the fact that she’s a Canadian writer living in Utah. I added the locations as context so everyone would understand exactly how unqualified she is to speak on British rumors, or be called an expert source - because she isn’t there in Norfolk or even the UK.

Second, my dislike for a person has nothing to do with their religion. It’s interesting your mind went there first.

Third, Utah is more than the Mormon stereotype. They’re also the land of MLMs and momfluencers. (Speaking strictly and only of stereotypes.) That’s the 👀. Because - again, strictly speaking about stereotypes - monfluencers are the first to wax poetic about their children and parenting while talking shit about other people’s kids and parenting. And if the stereotype is that all those momfluencers and mommy bloggers are connected to Utah, then that says something about the culture.

Fourth, my dislike of Nicole Cliffe has everything to do with the fact that, when she was gloating about affair rumors, she had a parenting column and wrote often about parents’ responsibilities to support, help, and protect children. Think it’s a bit shitty that someone with a parenting column advocating for family is gleefully wrecking a family/marriage because she’s ride-or-die for someone who doesn’t like them.

That Nicole Cliffe lives in Utah has nothing to do with why I don’t like her. She could be from my hometown and I’d still think she’s a shitty person for gloating about the ruin of a family while writing a parenting column.

[inbabylontheywept]

I just gotta thank you. Not only are you an inspiring writer as a fellow autistic attempting to be a journalist, but you’re discussions on your journey with religion and how you don’t really hate the Mormon church really helped me with understanding why my boyfriend still seems so attached to his religion. For context I’m atheist because my autism never let me think a floating god in the sky watches my decisions to let me into heaven makes sense I guess, so it put me at odds with my very religious family my whole life. Cue trauma, I kinda hate religion on principle now. He very much does not. Went to church camp, homeschooled his whole life, the works. I love him dearly and know this doesn’t make him a bad person, but religion still bothers me and it has for a long time that he at all still seems committed to it. Your explanations on how you still view yours greatly helped me understand how he could still feel connected when frankly he doesn’t practice anymore. I know this is a lot to just say thanks, but you really are an amazing writer and a kindred spirit I think? Anyway you are very cool and thank you!

I get hating religion on principle. It's very easy to hate on principle. Hating something personally is hard when the persons involved put up with you as a teenagers. Everyone that met be before age 20 deserves a medal. Hard to hate someone that didn't hate you at your most hateable. I have no advice for the boyfriend, but with how much you're trying to get him, I hope he's making the same effort to you. I knew a few people that were majoring in journalism, and it looked hard. One of them took me on a journey to get a local crime story from a shop that just got robbed a few days ago - talking to that many absolute strangers took a very specific set of social skills. The town I grew up in wasn't small, but growing up Mormon is always kind of like growing up in a small town. It's uh. The whole field is big town thinking. I respect what it takes is what I'm trying to say. I think you're cool too. Good luck with college!

[anghraine]

[For context, I'm an agnostic lesbian raised Mormon with some scattered Catholic influences from summers with my bio dad and his family. I have buckets of religious trauma and associations as a very predictable result, though not everything was terrible.]

So I was waiting for my best friend and his girlfriend to get home from dinner with my BFF's mother—this is the first time his girlfriend, who was a close friend of mine before meeting him, had met his family. Ash had gone downstairs to change and wipe off her make-up when someone knocked insistently at our door.

The doorknob is a bit persnickety so I rushed to let in my BFF, only to find myself facing down an unexpected but very familiar sight: young male Mormon missionaries.

me: Oh ... hi. missionaries: Good evening, ma'am. Would you like to hear news about Jesus? me: Um, I'm not—I'm a member, actually. I was raised in the Church. missionaries: Really? me: Yes :) I was the pianist for the primary in our old ward for years :) missionaries: Oh, what ward was that? me: St Helens. I didn't really go when I was in grad school and I just graduated. missionaries: Ahh, I see. Well, if you want to go back, [directions to the local church]. me: Thank you. missionaries, after a very awkward pause: Do you need any help with anything? me: Oh, we're... [*resists the urge to point out that the other household members who just happened to be absent are a Jewish atheist socialist, a devoutly Muslim bisexual post-colonial scholar, and an Exvangelical trans woman still processing her rage, and none of them would have the slightest desire to get help from Mormons*] We're good, really. My parents are the ones who would need help from the Church, I think, and they live over in [town], so their closest ward is actually the one in [other town] and they can reach out to them. Thanks, though :) missionaries: We could just leave our number with you in case you ever needed anything. me [very conscious of the temptation to call on the Church when a crisis strikes and I desperately need help, and how trapped and shitty I feel afterwards]: That's really nice, but I think we're fine. There are several of us here. I hope you have a good night, though! :)

[larkingame]

Larkin's Relationship to Mormonism & the Children of Cain

Hi Friends, it was brought to my attention that there were some concerns with Larkin, its characters and the Children of Cain. I wanted to address some things first, clarify and talk about certain aspects, and talk about steps moving forward. 

Recently someone brought up the idea that the concept of the 'Children of Cain' is not a new concept. In fact, it's an idea conceived and embraced by the Mormon Church as a harmful term for black people. It was used to ostracize and embrace ideas that are overall harmful to People of Color across the board. This was used to justify and encourage countless crimes against not only black people, but indigenous people and other people of color and supported a racist rhetoric that still persists to this day. 

In context of the story—the Children of Cain call themselves that based on Lore relevant to Vampires, something that seems silly in the face of the actual racism that people faced previously and still face today. 

 While much of Larkin (and the Abrams Family) is based on the early days of the Mormon Church, the cult of personality of Joseph Smith and the offshoots of the Church of the Latter Day Saints, and is in part meant to be a critique of those institutions, this is something that I completely overlooked when I first conceived Larkin. But just because I was ignorant of something does not excuse me from taking responsibility for it and the harm I've done with it. So I want to take this opportunity to whole-heartedly apologize, accept that I've done wrong and move forward with and demonstrate changes that'll be made today and in the future.

First and foremost, I'll be changing the name of the Cult the 'Children of Cain' were previously supposed to represent. It was foolish of me to do this, but when putting Larkin originally together I hadn't put much thought into their title other than in the context of the Bible—I thought it flowed well, and had a nice ring to it without doing much research in parallel to the concepts and themes I wanted to discuss in Larkin. I'll also be reworking some of the texts and concepts around the cult in a new version of the game. 

That being said, I'll be privating both the public and alpha versions of the game until they can be reworked and have any of these harmful terms and ideas removed. I’m also going to pause Patreon subscriptions for the moment until this new version is ready, as I don’t feel comfortable making money off of something that brings other people harm. 

I appreciate that this was brought to my attention--and I want to reiterate that I have an open-door policy, and while I strive to not do anything to cause anyone harm or make anyone uncomfortable--if that is ever the case, please do not hesitate to reach out to me in the future--as my dms are always open. 

I want to apologize once more for any harm I've caused in this process, especially to any members of the black community that I've hurt with my ignorance of this topic and my actions.

Thank you. 

[motsimages]

Some "subtleties" I really enjoyed in Starship Troopers during yesterday's rewatch:

Framing meteors, asteroids and other celestial bodies that are quite frequent in space as the weapon of the bugs. When the movie begins and we are informed of "another attack", is it really an attack? It's just a meteor, we haven't even seen the bugs, we have no context about this "war". It has been decided that they are attacking and invading (there is a certain level of planning and strategy for this), while at the same time, only after the second half of the movie the possibility of bugs being intelligent is mentioned. Also, Klendathu is very far from Earth, how much of a threat are they?

In the first minute of the movie, during the "I'm doing my part" ad, there is a literal child soldier. As a matter of fact, there are two ads that feature children: one giving them assault weapons and one stepping on bugs with violence. You gotta get them young.

All of the teachers in *high-school* are severely disabled by war.

Rico ("rich man" in Spanish) has no personality whatsoever. He isn't a good student and has no ambition. He ends up doing what he does by sheer luck. He goes to the Service because of a girl and to be against his father, he stays in the Service because he literally has nowhere else to go. He is so bland that even his encouraging speeches to the troops once he becomes lieutenant are exactly the same as his predecessors. He repeats the textbook definition of a citizen even after experiencing war and he still doesn't know what it means. He does what is expected of him, while the movie kind of frames him as breaking the mold and being a rebel because he doesn't do what his father wants him to do. But he does what the government needs of him and people like him.

For once, I believe having 35 year olds playing teenagers is on purpose.

Carmen is The Ideal Girl of the Federal Service. Her acting and her shots are always charming, not only is she cute, she plays cute, you have to fall in love with her and everything she does or the movie does around her supports this. Compare with Diz, who is also a very beautiful woman but her acting and her shots tell she is more of a tomboy. She is there to let the audience know that women can also become war meat soldiers.

"Service guarantees citizenship". *Guarantees*. There may be other ways of becoming a citizen, but they are harder and are never mentioned in the movie, it is all about Service as if it was the only way (and for some things, like being a politician, it is). "Citizen" is also used in opposition to "civilian" kind of implying that "civilians" are not "citizens". Again, this is a propaganda war movie from the future, so we don't get to see what it means in daily life to have this separation between "civilian" and "citizen", but we know citizens have privileges. Also: Rico is rich, his family is rich, his parents aren't citizens.

The pledge of alliance that is actually a legal waiver.

Rico saying he will join the infantry to the recruiter who has a missing arm and him proudly saying "Infantry made me the man I am today" while casually showing Rico and the audience that he is also missing both his legs. Almost all adults we've seen until this moment are disabled from war.

The shower scene. All those handsome young men and women full of energy and life who get along are asked to say why they joined while fully naked. A subliminal ad, the brochure to convince kids. Some things are the same as joining the army ("Harvard will cost *an arm and a leg* but the Federation will pay for it"), some others are painfully dystopian ("It is easier to get a license to be a mother"). So civilians need authorisation to be parents, but the Federal Service is more or less counting on survivors to motivate their children to join and keep the war machine going.

Showing an ad of a terrible bug killing a cow but censoring the cow dying immediately followed by "the mormons" (are they mormons, though? Aren't they just the squad the Roughnecks find in Planet P?) killed in terrific ways, showed in great detail of gore and blood.

The whole Doctor Mengele vibes of Carl who joins the division called "Games and Theory". *Games*. His vibes were off even in high school and his whole "mind control" (which the movie doesn't really confirm is a real thing, it makes the narrative around it as if it was but "it's afraid" is not mind reading and "it's classified" as an explanation is nothing really). I don't know if it's worse if he can actualy do telepathy or if he can't but is living off of it. Some "The men who stare at goats" army shit there.

Carl making an ad to show the superweapon they will use against the bugs, but that weapon is only used in the ad. The infantry uses their average weapons that are mostly ineffective for killing bugs.

When Carl reappears and says that his division is the one making the choices for whatever Fleet and Infantry do, and he says he sends people to their death on purpose to test theories and Rico says "That's what the infantry is for" fully convinced that yes, we came here to be killed.

Infantry is made of younger and younger people.

When Carmen, Carl and Rico meet again after the fight and they get the kind of heroic shot of the three of them together surrounded by celebrating soldiers and Carmen says something like "When the three of us are together, maybe things can work out". They spent the movie apart. Carl disappears once he joins and reappears only at the end. They didn't even capture the bug, another team did. But they are a metaphore of joined efforts of the three branches of the Federal Service, they aren't really characters.

Carmen and Rico never get serious injuries. In this scene of celebration, Carmen is bleeding from one arm (and that arm should be completely unusable and she should be in great pain) but she was able to shoot and use that arm as if nothing happened. Rico fully ricovered from his leg injury. And even, they just scaped running from an exploding cave, their hair is clean and perfectly combed even though moments before it wasn't.

The person who captured the bug was the training officer of Rico, but he had to demote himself to be able to fight and become the hero who captured the bug. The propaganda message for recruiting kids being "you get the action and the merit if you stay a private", even after most of the privates in Rico's company have been kileed in horrific ways.

How the news titles change according to the story the propaganda wants to reinforce.

Only the young, beautiful, white, smiling people survive.

Ending the movie with humans probing the bug the same way the bug was probing the humans less than 20 minutes before.

The whole cinematography that is one shot after the other of propaganda war movies and quips to create complicity with the audience.

Ay Verhoeven, qué bien lo haces, jodío. I really like how it's a movie within a movie. There are nods to the audience in the 24th Century who are watching this propaganda movie (every single scene of Carmen) and at the same time, there are nods to us watching the movie now to let us know how this is all wrong (the recruiter's "Infantry made me the man I am today").

[isdalinarhot]

I admire those of you who are either Mormon or exmo making very good meta posts about how Brandon Sanderson’s religion affects his writing because I personally can only come at it from my immediate family’s non religious lens and I say stupid things like “Dalinar got Catholic after the nightwatcher just like my dad’s cousin Ben after rehab” that sound very ignorant. But thank you people of cosmere tumblr who have societal context I don’t as a layperson. Yeah baby.

[alliluyevas]

Have you ever posted about what about Mormonism first caught your interest and why its stuck as such a major interest?

I've been asked this before, but not for a while, so I'll answer again.

I've always been pretty interested in religion and religious history, I think part of this comes from growing up with a few very different religious perspectives in my extended family. I was raised Episcopalian and so was my dad, but my mom was raised Catholic and my dad's older sister and her husband are born-again evangelical Baptists. I was very much a type of kid who paid attention to and noticed stuff like this, so when I went to Catholic mass with my grandparents I would pick up on both similarities to and differences from what I was used to at the church my immediate family went to, and have questions about that. And my mom talked with me when I was still pretty young (late elementary/preteen) about why she left Catholicism and issues she had with it, and I also remember talking with her about how my aunt and uncle are creationists and what that meant and creationism versus evolution versus intelligent design and how to avoid arguments about this when we visited them. So I definitely grew up navigating having very divergent religious experiences and perspectives in my family and how to engage with people respectfully about that, and I was always curious about how different groups worship and define themselves.

I had a couple different phases as a kid where I was very interested in researching religious topics, like I got very into Ivanhoe in fifth grade and read a lot about the crusades and medieval Catholicism for a few years, and then later in middle school I first became interested in religious extremism and cults and I used to watch 19 Kids And Counting and read a lot of Time magazine special editions about Heaven's Gate and similar topics. 

I didn't really know a ton about Mormonism until I was an adult because I didn't know a lot of LDS people and I don't remember learning anything about Mormonism in my US History classes in school. When my brother and I were in elementary school, one of his best friends was a boy whose family was LDS so I had been over to his house several times and played with his sister and stuff, but I don't remember him or his parents really talking about their religion at all and I don't think I asked any questions either of them or of my parents. (Though I do remember my mom explaining that his parents didn't drink because of their religion, and I also remember reading the titles on their living room bookshelf and seeing a lot of books about Brigham Young and assuming he was my brother's friend's dad's historical blorbo essentially because my dad had multiple biographies of Abraham Lincoln and I thought it was a similar circumstance.)

About three years ago when I was living in Boston I was reading a fair bit about the Nation of Islam because a) Louis Farrakhan grew up in Roxbury where I worked and there's a main street in Roxbury named after Malcolm X, and I remember thinking that it was ironic that Farrakhan was the local but the street was named after Malcolm X and wondering if that pisses him off b) the Nation of Islam is fascinating to me in general. So I watched this Hulu documentary about the Nation of Islam and then Hulu recommended me a documentary about FLDS and I watched that too. I felt like the documentary didn't really go into enough detail about the historical context for modern Mormon fundamentalism, so I checked out the book Under the Banner of Heaven from my local library, and then I wanted to know more about early Mormon history in general, so I checked out a few more books, and then I got hooked and started ordering some of the ones the library didn't have online.

I can't entirely explain why my interest in Mormonism has stuck around, because I do tend to be very fixated on special interests and sometimes that kind of feels a little arbitrary, especially when that sort of hyperfixation intersects with and becomes genuine investment in academic scholarship (which it doesn't always for me, but here it did). I am interested in women's history in general and always have been, so I initially really found polygamy fascinating, and wanted to learn more about the dynamics of polygamous households. Specifically, the fact that early Mormons created a very controversial social order that wildly diverged from the norms of their culture, did this essentially from scratch, and were able to maintain it for roughly 3-4 generations of polygamist families despite significant external pressure and initial internal opposition is really interesting to me. I also think Mormonism is a very American religion that has also sometimes been at odds with American mainstream culture despite that and that's a very fascinating dynamic to investigate. I think I've also often been interested in attempts to create a new, utopian community or culture and the ways in which these experiments often fall short, which has been a constant in a lot of my historical interests like the American Revolution, the Soviet Union, and Mormonism as well.

[sequencer987]

As a Yank I can’t help but notice that whenever British Monarchists defend the institution of the royal family, they always talk about how it brings in tourism and is respected by people all around the world. Without fail, they’ll always bring up the fact that the monarchy “is” very popular in the United States. They’ll cite that as an example of the monarch’s respect abroad and like…

I genuinely hate to break it to you guys, but we here across the pond view the royals the same way we view mascot characters at Disneyland. Like, there is absolutely zero actual respect. Whenever children in the U.S. learn that the monarchy is still a thing, they are usually confused. Adults then explain the monarchy as “a silly little thing that the Brits do for fun.”

When I was a kid learning about the revolution, I just assumed sight unseen that the British must have had their own revolution at some point and got rid of the king.

When my dad told me that the royal family was an extant institution, I thought it was a joke at first. He liked to kid around, and it just seemed more likely that he was fucking with me. I could not wrap my head around why you would have a queen in the 21st century.

When I first learned how much the UK government gives royal family I was honestly kind of shocked. I had figured that the royal title was so ceremonial as to be completely meaningless in a governmental context. I thought it was like being made a colonel in the state of Kentucky; that being basically just owning a fancy medal that says you are.

And FURTHERMORE, we Yanks (we in a rhetorical sense. Not me lol) were only really crazy about Queen Elizabeth. The moment she died people over here pretty much stopped paying attention to the royal family outside of scandals.

I think people in both countries tend to overestimate the cultural similarities between the United States and the United Kingdom due to our sharing a language. We absolutely do not see the monarchy in the same way its hardline supporters in the U.K. do.

Also while I’m at it, I saw one guy speculating that we loved the Queen because of “Pride at their English heritage” and I also feel I need to clarify that English is pretty much the only heritage in the United States that people are kind of ashamed of. If you only have English heritage here that’s seen as a bad thing. Like, we associate that with like inbred Old Money weirdos and Mormons. Even the Boston Brahmin don’t wanna be seen as having ‘English Heritage.’ I don’t personally feel that way, but that’s sort of the attitude here.

[our-aroace-experience]

!Vent+homophobia!

So for context, I have BeReal, and for those who don't know about this, one of BeReals features is the ability to find friends using your contacts, and you can turn this off and on with no hiccups

Well these two girls in my ward (my family is Mormon, and I'm not) found it, and saw what my bio said. It had my pronouns, and that I was aromantic. So one of them texted me. "yo me and j------ just wanted to check up on you we saw ur bio on bereal no need to worry we won't tell anyone but just checking in"

They are acting like I have something wrong with me , or that I am sick. Just because I'm not a little cishet Mormon girl. And the worse part? They have treated me like a black sheep since I moved in. I just hope they actually don't tell anyone. At all.

So now I have learned my lesson and have contact sharing turned off on all my socials

Thank you for letting me have a safe space to vent.

i hope it works out and they don’t tell anyone!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for threatening to have my friend's boyfriend removed when he crashed our outing?

This happened a few years ago now but I still feel really mixed about it and want a general consensus. Important context is that my friend (Jen) and her boyfriend (Dan) are both from Mormon families, they're getting out of it together slowly but it does heavily influence how they acted + how the situation was treated. Also, Dan was homeschooled and doesn't have a lot of experience in social situations or with friendships in general because he's super sheltered. We were all 19 when this went down.

So two years ago Jen was very abruptly told she was being sent out of state to a Mormon college in two weeks. I decided to go hang out with her for the weekend with my partner who is also her friend. The first day we hung out with both Jen and Dan. Then the day after we (me, my partner and Jen) wanted to have dinner together alone to say goodbye.

She had been hanging out with Dan before coming to dinner and asked him for a ride to the restaurant. He drops her off, we hang out and have a great time for about half an hour until she gets a text and tells us that Dan showed up to crash our dinner. My partner and I were pretty unnerved by this as we had only met this guy twice before. Jen tries to go explain to Dan why he needs to leave but he insists on sitting at a table I guess to just watch us the rest of the night.

At this point I'm feeling extremely creeped out and protective of Jen so I pull Dan aside and state plainly that him showing up like this is rude and freaking everyone out, and I calmly told him to leave. He doesn't acknowledge anything I say and asks if I hate him. I tell him I don't but I want to say goodbye to Jen properly, alone. He says that he'll sit further away from us and goes back to the tables before I can argue with him.

We try to continue ignoring him for a little while but I hit my boiling point and go to where he's sitting and tell him he needs to leave or I'll ask the staff to remove him. He finally leaves but starts having a breakdown over text with Jen. Apparently he wandered off and she left to go find him. Long story short, he has a breakdown and we all end up leaving before even ordering entrées to go find him.

HIS PARENTS called Jen to shame her for not inviting him and told her that she should have known this would happen, all of this is her fault. I didn't know that would happen, I assumed any reasonable person would think Dan was in the wrong, but I think I should have realized that their mormon families are not reasonable. Jen ended up taking a lot of shit from both her parents and his. I think this also ended up straining our relationship because she loves Dan and I hurt his feelings. She had a hard time really believing this wasn't her fault and that she shouldn't take all the responsibility for his actions like their families told her.

When I spell it out I feel like the plain fact is I did nothing wrong, but because of the emotional context I am really doubting myself. I knew that Dan was hyper-sensitive and has invited himself to events before then felt neglected when he was rejected. I knew that he might react this way so it feels partially like my fault for ruining the dinner. I don't know what I could have done instead to keep everything from escalating like this but I probably should have thought of something else instead of acting rash.

AITA for threatening my friend's boyfriend without regard for the heat she might take for it afterwards?

What are these acronyms?