#context: i watched the first four minutes of episode 2

[luescris]

*SCREAMS* I LOVE WUKONG SO FUCKING MUCH *CRASHES THROUGH WINDOW* MY HEART IS SO FULL AND HIS VOICE MAKES MY HEART BURST [THROWS CHAIRS AND TABLES ACROSS THE ROOM] I WANT TO HUG HIM AND LOVE HIM UNCONDITIONALLY AND TELL HIM HE IS LOVED AND DESERVING OF IT [SMASHES CHAIRS AGAINST THE WALL WHILE SOBBING] HE DESERVES THE WORLD AND DESERVES BETTER I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

*falls to the ground and breaks down sobbing uncontrollably*

[whumpofalltime]

whump of all time

SEMIFINALS!

Find links and propaganda under the cut. Quarterfinalist and later match-ups are untagged, so your votes and reblogs matter!

Once Upon A Time:

(gifset 1, gifset 2)

"There's blood, wounds, captivity, bondage, a slow-dipping-mechanism, a big rescue, and excellent acting by Colin O'Donoghue - who delivers the tiniest whimper and the most delectable of trembles for our whump-loving eyes to devour!" ~ @killian-whump

"[...] Killian was BROKEN. Absolutely and heart-wrenchingly devastated. He was tortured within an inch of his life (… or death, I guess) and practically left to slowly drop into a pit of eternal despair.

Killian was not easy to break. He would get injured and get back up with a sneer and an "I'm alright love you should see the other guy".

But to reach that point? The point of telling Emma she should have kept herself safe instead of saving him from this torment, to hold on to her like she was his lifeline, to SMILE that small smile from the first bit of hope he'd gotten since he ended up there?

The relief upon watching this episode for the first time was visceral. For two episodes we knew Hook was being tortured, we saw him try and fail to limp to safety, we saw his resolve and defiance desperately hold on, we saw him accept his fate, we saw him preferring to be tortured further than hurt his friends… And then he got saved! And he had no witty comeback, no effort to hide his pain. He just fucking collapsed in the arms of his beloved, of his saviour, and held on for a moment to realize that it was real, she was there, he was finally safe.

Add to that some amazing, jaw-dropping, emotional acting by Colin O'Donoghue, how can you get any better than that?

Anyway vote for ouat. Because this whole torture mini arc existing is probably what caused a chain reaction of me understanding and accepting I love whump, so. I wouldn't be here torturing blorbos if it weren't for it 🤣" @piracytheorist

"god tier acting" ~ @caliburn-the-sword

The Young Blood Chronicles (Save Rock and Roll's music videos, Fall Out Boy):

(link)

"Everyone gets bloodied, bruised, beaten up, tortured, rescued, limbs are amputated - it's brutal. Alone Together is particularly strong."

sorry for being late, but you want YBC propaganda? then you're getting YBC propaganda. I know you're a FOB fan, but I will be writing this for the benefit of those who don't know what YBC is, for better propaganda purposes! and yeah this is gonna be LONG. sorry.

So! The Youngblood Chronicles (shortened to YBC) is a series of 11 music videos made by the band Fall Out Boy, for their album Save Rock And Roll (you know this album, it's the one with My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark on it). The whole thing is quite short, less than fifty minutes long (even shorter if you don't count the uncut version's credits!!), and every single music video has some element of whump in it. This propaganda is gonna break down each individual music vid, and at i'll also talk a little bit about the irl context the album was written in, and why even THAT can be a little bit whumpy if you're insane like me!

(note: i'm going in the original release order over the uncut order, hence why i'm starting with MSKWYDITD instead of The Phoenix)

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark: Arguably the least whump-y out of all of them, but man, seeing all of Fall Out Boy's discography and memorabilia be burnt while people are dancing around the destruction? Man, when you know the real life stuff (the reception the band had in 2009, leading to them to take a three year hiatus)... and at the end, you see four guys bound in the back of a van!! And that van is getting burnt!! Burn everything you love and burn the... ashes.

The Phoenix: NOW here's the first of MANY whump tastes you'll get. Patrick Stump, the singer/cutie of the band, gets kidnapped, tied to a chair, has his hand CHOPPED OFF and mailed to his bandmate/best friend Pete Wentz, then gets tied down and utterly tortured by women who are laughing at his misery the entire time, getting prodded and stabbed by tools for... well, you'll see. By the end of the video, Pete and the other two members of FOB (Joe Trohman and Andy Hurley) have been kidnapped by these mysterious women too, with Pete specifically getting kidnapped by the blonde woman he was in bed with when Patrick's hand got delivered to him. If you enjoy cute boys getting tied down, covered in blood, and writhing around like worms while getting tortured... well you'll enjoy all of YBC but specifically you'll enjoy this!! I did :D! The war is won, before it's begun, release the doves, surrender love...

Young Volcanoes: Good news, FOB has been reunited! Bad news, by the women who dismembered Patrick! And now all the band members are tied to chairs, hooked up to IVs full of god knows what types of drugs, and blindfolded (all except Patrick). They are then forced to drink, snort hard drugs, and are force fed Patrick's organs! Yep, all four of them are forced to eat their lead singer's guts, and are so fucking drugged up they don't even realize what's happening (and now you know what the women were doing to him in the last mv, and you even get a nice little shot of the hack job of stitching him back up)!! Patrick hallucinates everyone having fun, but of course, at the end, all of them are knocked out because of the drugs. Americana, exotica, do you wanna feel a little beautiful baby?

Alone Together: This is the song the OG propaganda mentioned, and for good reason. All four of them are shipped off into little personalized torture rooms, and, well, tortured! Pete is able to break out and even steals the hook from the girl who was torturing him, but little does he know that'll be his own undoing... also, in general, this song has some whumpy elements, specifically the line "my heart is like a stallion/they love it more when it's broke-in"... but notice how easy it is to hear "broke-in" as "broken"! At the end of the video, Pete is at least able to find Patrick (Joe and Andy have NOT been having a good time, either!! But sadly, they aren't found by Pete, but Pete DOES find Big Sean), and is even able to attach the hook to the stump (ha!) where his hand used to be. But something is clearly wrong with Patrick now. His eyes are yellow, and as the song ends, we hold on him, sneering and twitching. This is the road to ruin - and we're started at the end...

The Mighty Fall: First off if you say this is the worst song off of SRAR I will hunt you for sport. OKAY ANYWAYS, chronologically this comes after MSKWYDITD, and yeah, the four guys are the members of FOB. Pete is able to free himself with Patrick's new hook hand, and is able to get the other three out while Pete is hacking up a lung from the fire they just barely escaped. But they're not done getting their shit rocked yet. A gang of children show up (the leader being the kid Patrick waved at right before he was kidnapped back in the Phoenix MV), and proceed to separate them and beat the living shit out of them. The leader kid who's chasing Patrick plays something on a boombox... which triggers Patrick to go yellow-eyed again (from here on out i'll call it "going Youngblood" or "Youngblood self"). It was confirmed in the commentary track that ANY music would cause him to go Youngblood. And knowing Patrick IRL fucking loves to create/compose music... yeah! Take something he loves and turn it into something that drives him insane!! I'm normal!! And also the irl parallel you could draw to his solo career doing the same thing to him (on a less uh Dramatic level but you know)!!! Ouch!!!! Big Sean is able to save Patrick, but at the cost of his own life (and a killer rap verse... HELL YEAH I'M A DICK GIRL, ADDICTED TO YOU). Oh, how the mighty fall in love...

Just One Yesterday: The last vestiges of comfort you're gonna get for a WHILE. The four are separated, getting even more beaten up, Pete vomits up a snake, Andy gets his shit rocked by a homeless guy, Joe has to use white sheets as a makeshift tourniquet bc his leg got fucked up in The Mighty Fall MV, and Patrick is picked up by a kind stranger (hi Foxes! you have a very pretty voice! PLEASE KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE STEERING WHEEL!). And finally, finally we get a hope spot. Fall Out Boy is reunited (the part where Andy just grabs onto Patrick's arm, in disbelief they're both alive... augh!!! AUGH!!!!), and for a moment, it seems they've been delivered to a hospital... before Foxes' eyes go completely black, looking at Patrick... and turns on the radio. She's able to trigger the Youngblood. And now Patrick is gone. The other three scramble into the hospital, Patrick not far behind, determined to kill them to stop the noise in his head. If Heaven's grief brings Hell's reign, then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday...

Where Did The Party Go: Patrick, now fully consumed by the Youngblood brainwashing, is now stalking his bandmates in a hospital. Patrick is seeing visions of the hospital as an abandoned party, Andy has to painfully disinfect the wounds he's gotten, Pete is able to call for the police, and Joe... oh, poor Joe. He barricades himself into a room, but not well enough. Patrick finds him, and kills him, slitting his throat with the hook hand, showing no remorse at all... until Andy and Pete find them. The Youngblood wears off, and Patrick looks to what he's done, and is horrified at what he's done to his friend. And, bad news for him, the police are here, ready to arrest the murderer. All Andy and Pete can do is watch as tears roll down Patrick's eyes. And for the extra IRL context, this was the first song written for the album that made Pete and Patrick realize they had to get FOB back together... so lets match that with a music video where the member who helped get the band together in the first place dies. By the hands of the kid he found. Let's fade away together, one dream at a time...

Death Valley: Joe gets... uh, a little comfort? I mean, he thinks he's getting sent to heaven but goes to hell, buuuuut I think doing drugs in rock and roll hell with Tommy Lee is actually a pretty sweet deal, better than the deal the other three got! Pete and Andy are being interrogated while Patrick is in a jail cell. We find out that the cult that kidnapped them, Silence the Noise, is lead by Pete's girlfriend from WAAAAY back in the Phoenix MV, Courtney Love. And at the end of the MV... Patrick is bailed out of jail by Silence the Noise. They have him again. And this time, they're not gonna let him walk out until he's fully under their control. 'Cause tonight it's just fire alarms and losing you...

Rat a Tat: Silence the Noise has Patrick, and they utterly brainwash him, A Clockwork Orange style, with electroshock stimulation to keep him from looking away or closing his eyes, until there is nothing left. Patrick Stump does not exist anymore. Only the Youngblood, pliant under the control of Silence the Noise, tasked to destroy what he once loved; music. Andy dies at the hands of the cult, and now Pete has to protect a briefcase, the thing that got them into this mess, and keep it away from Silence the Noise, all while his best friend hunts him down. Are you ready for another bad poem?

Miss Missing You: THE WHUMPIEST OF THE WHUMP. What if we were best friends but you've been driven insane and I know the only way to stop you is to kill you and it was my fault you got into this mess and I was the one who gave you the weapon that will be my own undoing. What if we both died at the same time. What if we died, both of us failing the mission we had before us. What if that was a reference to one of their first music videos. What if this song was originally written for Patrick's solo album but he realized it was more of a Fall Out Boy song so it was scrapped until now. What if there's a legit argument to be made that half the lyrics for this song was written by Patrick. What if we were both boys. Grips walls, yeha i'm normal. If you don't watch ANY other music vid, watch Miss Missing You. Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger. The person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger.

Save Rock And Roll: And our final track gives us a final bit of comfort. Patrick is able to overcome the Youngblood, and gets into heaven, where all of FOB is finally, finally reunited. God (aka Elton John) gives them new instruments and brings them back to earth, so they can do what they love; play music together. Which just so happens to release people from the control of Silence the Noise! But, because we can't have nice things, a cult within Silence the Noise got a hold of the briefcase, and summoned a spirit that starts to kill everyone. FOB stands together, and blasts the evil spirit, the blood coming up to the gates of heaven and covering Elton John in it. And... that's how it ends. No true resolution. Just Elton John covered in blood, as the song fades out. Oh, no! Wherever I go, go! Trouble seems to follow! I only plugged in to save rock and roll!

UH. AGAIN I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LENGTH. but i really wanted to express just how much WHUMP they manage to fit into less than fifty minutes, all backed by an amazing album colored by the three years they were apart. colored by how they grew, colored by how bad the hiatus was for Patrick specifically, colored by how Confessions of a Pariah got Pete to reach out to help him, and this album came out of it, Fall Out Boy came back out of it, and now here we are, ten years later, with the title track being performed every night for their concert, with all the band singing the final lines together, and the line you are what you love, not who loves you hitting every single night.

SORRY. LISTEN TO FALL OUT BOY. thanks for letting me rant.

[imitationgame77]

When ART is quiet 1 [Artificial Condition]

ART has an enormous processing capacity. The first time Murderbot had a glimpse inside its wall, it says it had never directly interacted with anything this powerful before. So powerful that it had thought something like that only existed in fantasy. Murderbot has also said, “ART’s processing capacity made me look like I was moving in slow motion”.

Thus, when ART does not respond immediately it means something. The possible explanations include:

(a) ART is encountering an unusual and/or very difficult problem that requires extra careful deliberation

(b) ART is doing so deliberately

Here are some moments when Murderbot notes that ART is pondering for unaccountably long moments, or being quiet. ART’s silence might be more eloquent than words.

[Artificial Condition]

[1] After getting a vivid image of ART’s full power, Murderbot shuts down its feed, huddles down in a chair. But when ART tells it not to sulk, it gets provoked.

I was afraid, but that made me irritated enough to show it that what it was doing to me was not exactly new. I sent through the feed, SecUnits don’t sulk. That would trigger punishment from the governor module, and attached some brief recordings from my memory of what exactly that felt like.

Seconds added up to a minute, then another, then three more. It doesn’t sound like much to humans, but for a conversation between bots, or excuse me, between a bot/human construct and a bot, it was a long time.

Then it said, I’m sorry I frightened you

[2] They start watching World Hoppers together. ART has difficulties understanding the context and emotional tones in human media, but by watching them through Murderbot’s filters which includes Murderbot’s reactions as a part of data, it can process them for the first time.

When a major character died in the twentieth episode I had to pause seven minutes while it sat there in the feed doing the bot equivalent of staring at a wall, pretending that it had to run diagnostics.

[…]

After it was over, it just sat there, not even pretending to do diagnostics. It sat there for a full ten minutes, which is a lot of processing time for a bot that sophisticated. Then it said, Again, please.

[3] When ART realises that Murderbot does not watch media with SecUnits in it, ART wonders if it was because these are unrealistic. Murderbot explains:

“There’s unrealistic that takes you away from reality and unrealistic that reminds you that everybody’s afraid of you.” In the entertainment feed, SecUnits were what the clients expected: heartless killing machines that could go rogue at any second, for no reason, despite the governor modules.

The transport thought that over for 1.6 seconds. In a less sarcastic tone, it said, You dislike your function. I don’t understand how that is possible.

[4] ART starts asking (to Murderbot) personal questions. It wants to know why Murderbot wants to go to RaviHyral, and when Murderbot shuts itself down for four hours to evade answering that, ART just waits until it comes back online. It insists that they are now friends, and Murderbot should trust it.

“I’m not your crew. I’m not a human. I’m a construct. Constructs and bots can’t trust each other.”

It was quiet for ten precious seconds, though I could tell from the spike in its feed activity it was doing something. I realized it must be searching its databases, looking for a way to refute my statement. Then it said, Why not?

[5] At RaviHyral, Murderbot boards a public shuttle with its first-ever clients, and ART monitoring their safety. Then,

I told ART, If they fire at us en route, it’s not like we can do anything about it.

ART didn’t answer, but I knew it well enough by now to know that meant something. I said, You don’t have a weapons system. There hadn’t been one on the schematics. At least the schematics that ART made available in its unsecured feed. Do you?

ART admitted, I have a debris deflection system.

[6] Tlacey kidnaps Tapan, and uses her ComfortUnit to notify Murderbot where she was held.

ART said, Why is it showing you where your human is?

I said, Because Tlacey doesn’t want Tapan, she wants me.

ART was quiet as we went past the private shuttle slots toward the bigger, more expensive section at the end. Then it said, Retrieve your human and make Tlacey regret this.

--------------------------------

In Artificial Condition, ART was doing a solo cargo-haul mission. Whatever else it was doing, it had LOTS of processing power to spare. A strange rogue SecUnit turned out to be more of an intrigue that ART had expected when it decided to give it ride.

By [4] , Murderbot is gaining more understanding of ART, so as it suspects, the answer it probably (a). And [5] is obviously (b).

It would be interesting to know what processing ART was doing in cases of (a).

[robertfettuccine]

My Post-May the Fourth Bad Batch Thoughts

there's lots of 'em

[spoilers]

To start off, I was So excited for the finale I stayed up to watch it when it came out (1am in my time zone) and idk it didn’t feel worth it to do that during finals week after watching the ep

Maybe I had too high expectations but I figured that to wrap up the entire show we’d at least get an hour? Maybe more? I was hoping for something like the s1 premiere but no 51 minutes and you suffer.

Ok I've decided to put my thoughts into 15 minute increments for Organization Purposes

Part One thoughts:

Ok so right away I feel the "wrecker is gonna die" vibes. "Can you make it?" "Try and stop me." It feels very final it feels like he won't. I def thought my first time around that he wasn't gonna make it

The way Hemlock holds that gloved hand... I thought surely that had to be important somehow. I've been wondering about it since he was introduced.

Echo looks like handsome squidward sorry

The way Omega rewires the droid.. Tech. But the way she starts giving orders to the rest of the kids is so Hunter. She really is her fathers' (plural) daughter.

Sidenote the way her theme combines with a light, string-heavy version of the Bad Batch theme while she and the kids are getting ready to leave the vault... mmmm me when music

Ok back to the Batch and ough.. Wrecker is seriously hurt this had me so nervous they're out of med patches I thought for Sure he was gone

Imagine you're in the military and you get sent to some super secret boring base and your whole job is to stand around and guard a submerged lizard (?) and you're already confused and over it and then you find a bunch of kids in your walls???

WOw this is really minor but the cut from the kids and the Zillo to Echo and Emerie at 9:46 felt Really awkward. That's all.

the HAND thing again what is With that Hemlock??

Wrecker again with the Dying

REX MENTION!!!!! WTF IS A BAD HELMET PAINT JOB

"Clone Force 99 died with Tech" what a great line. If only it carried emotional weight within the rest of the story. If only the character's actions made that make sense. Hmm.

"If we all go in, we're not all making it out" see this is why I thought I was getting rogue one'd

"Omega needs you both" is sweet and cool, but she doesn't. She's proved this whole season that she's competent on her own. Idk.

Plan 99 namedrop? Also crosshair's self hatred and guilt is so devastating he's constantly trying to atone and it's so.....

Tech namedrop????? And for WHAT??????????

nOO that stormtrooper.. they done squished his ass

Jax is afraid of heights! Just like Wrecker!! Good character moment for everybody.

Part 1 TLDR: The first third of this episode was full of contrast, which was super interesting to watch. Omega and the kids are doing great, the lighting on them is generally softer and.. idk, lighter. They get hopeful music and they succeed. The Batch on the other hand..... everything is so ominous. It feels like somebody's gonna die (and it feels like it's Wrecker). My main gripes: some of the jump cuts feel like the episode was hastily stitched together and they don't make sense, I don't really know what to do with that knowledge. The Plan 99 conversation didn't make any sense within the context of this season (I'll elaborate later). Positives: Omega is really winning this ep, you can see all of her brothers in her and it's beautiful. What they've done with her theme in the music I Love. That moment with Omega and Jax when he says he's afraid of heights is really sweet.

Part Two Thoughts:

Ok starting off strong, Scorch questioning his orders for a bit? He's going to lose brothers? The door closes before we can hear what he says over the comm? I really thought maybe Scorch redemption.

Ok Hemlock is activating the CXs. There's four of them.

They all have different armor.. and different body types.. very similar to the batch....... hmmmmmmm

CX-2!! *clown noises*

Ok close up on the same CXs from before. One of them uses blades. One has.. sci-fi brass knuckles? CX-2 is there. This feels like Evil Bad Batch.

THE CLOSE UP ON CX-2 SPECIFICALLY WHY IS HE IMPORTANT

wrecker dying again uhnnnnnnhnhhhhhhhhhh

The brass knuckles CX just grabbed a panel of Something and used it as a shield. That's Plan 82. That's Wrecker's job.

WHY IS THERE ONE WITH GOGGLES JUST LIKE TECH'S? WHY

Goggles clone duel wields sword-vibroblades. ?

The one with the staff.. Hunter?

Ok Vibro-Sword CX, why toss the Sword to CX-2 so he can cut off Crosshair's hand? Why not just do it yourself? Those things have enough reach that he could have sliced it off himself.

The way CX-2 talks is Just like Crosshair. The inflections are exactly the same.

Ok I get Hemlock's a sadist but why keep the Batch alive at all? Seems like that's more dangerous than experimenting on them is productive

Echo and Omega's reunion is lovely. "Hey kid. And... other kids." he's doing amazing

Using the Chief Scientist's datapad just like last time Omega escaped... nice.

Hemlock's hand again.

Ok so crosshair just gets a hand stump and we move on?? This whole scene felt weird and out of place to me but Especially that.

Yeah!! Clone rebellion. Echo is Fives if he won (and had no melanin)

Maybe Electrostaff CX is Wrecker? He seems taller and has a wider build.

But nvm Brass Knuckles CX plays wrecker's part in the batch and Electrostaff doesn't

GOGGLES AGAIN WITH THE SWORDS?? WhY isn't CX-2 fighting with the rest why is he with Hemlock why does he stand out so much WHY

"My work will always be Kaminoan" yeah Nala Se isn't redeemed for me she's still a supremacist and a eugenicist and she and Rampart both deserved what they got. Satisfying ending for them both though.

Part 2 TLDR: This part had a ton of potential. There were a lot of suspenseful and mysterious shots. The story started getting more intense, even though the kids escaped successfully. There was weight there, and as an audience we could tell how much was on the line. I loved watching this part. My main gripes: Honestly none with this part alone. All of it felt pretty in-character, it had depth, it had weight, and it had meaning in the story. It makes less sense when we get to Part 3 though. Positives: I absolutely loved watching this part of the ep. It had me on the edge of my seat trying to figure out just what was going on with the CXs and who wasn't going to make it out. Giving Echo the chance to continue his brother's mission and free the clones was great. Nala Se and Rampart both got a fitting end, I was very satisfied with that as well.

Part Three Thoughts:

Wrecker is fighting Staff Guy (possibly Evil Wrecker) oh that would've been so cool

And they just STABBED HIM?? JUST LIKE THAT?? What was with the focus on CX-2 throughout the ENTIRE SEASON when he literally Didn't Matter At All???

We're not even gonna talk about the hand then huh. Ok.

Closeup of the Goggles Helmet?? What was the purpose. What was it.

And then they have SOmeone pick up the sword and helmet all ominously and then it's just some guy. We see his face. It kinda looks too small for his body. Like bad photoshop

Ok so echo doesn't have lungs? or like..

There is Such a focus on the Goggles. Like we were never supposed to see his face. Like it was maybe supposed to be suspenseful.

Ok why so ominous if Wrecker is just gonna shove his face into a wall instantly? Why all the suspense and cool shots?

When CX-2's ship blew up I thought for sure it was from Rex or Phee's ship. But no. (can regular DC-15s even Do that?)

HNNNNNHG wet hair Hunter

SCORCH?? Ok so he could have been some random guy and it wouldn't have made a difference. What was the purpose. Why did he have a name? Why bring in a Legends character just to get rid of him in the most anticlimactic way possible?

Hemlock threatening Omega literally doesn't make any sense? It carries Zero weight. Omega even brings it up and Hemlock doesn't respond. Because it doesn't make sense for his character. Why.

Nice little callback with Crosshair's shoulder rest

Crosshair shooting Omega's binders off should be a tense moment but it's not. There's nothing at stake here. We know he won't shoot Omega. What am I supposed to be feeling?

Ok seeing Hemlock just get absolutely Pelted was nice

She hugged Crosshair first. Maybe we can start resolving some of his guilt. If we actually took time to show characters processing their emotions.

We're Still not talking about the hand? That feels notable, is that just me???

Ok and everyone just.. leaves. We just leave. It's done? Where was the climax supposed to be genuine question

Ok so we're namedropping now. Project Stardust with a nice subtle imperial march in the background. Okay?

We are back on Pabu now. The clone kids are there. The clones are there. The kids are there. Emerie is there. Everybody's happy.

Where is Phee?

Echo's ending is actually fine. I went into this ep the first time thinking for Sure he was going to die. Instead he's doing what Fives died trying to do. He's the last Domino but he doesn't have to fall and I think that's ok. But why isn't he with Rex in Rebels?

"With Hemlock gone, and his data destroyed, they're finally safe" - M. Night Shyamalan in the ATLA movie because we must Tell our audience Everything. Seriously why are we telling the audience something they can see? Why does Omega say that out loud? Nobody would say that. It's obvious. That line was just SO out of place

No real goodbyes for Echo though? No sweet character moments? No reactions from anyone?

Nice clones theme though. Fives would be proud.

All the dialogue between Omega and Hunter in this final scene just feels so.. off. Lazy. Show us what's going on, don't tell.

Why do Crosshair and Wrecker feel like such an afterthought here? Why is it so Awkward? Why were they over saying goodbye to Echo and Omega and Hunter weren't? It feels like they weren't supposed to make it out. It feels weird. It feels forced.

Part 3 TLDR: This was the part of the ep that just fell flat for me. It had some cool moments, but it felt really rushed and poorly thought out. It feels very out of place with the previous 30mins. It almost feels to me like it was rewritten, although I may just be delusional. My main gripes: This part of the ep should have had the big emotional moments and also wrapped up all the loose ends introduced in the rest of the season. It did none of that for me. Why cut off Crosshair's hand to have none of the characters really acknowledge his sacrifice? That isn't a resolution to his arc. None of the Things that happened to the Batch this season were processed at all, and everyone except Hunter and Omega was pretty much sidelined towards the end. CX-2, who was built up all season, died in a super unsatisfying way. The dialogue and staging of that final scene felt super off. The cavalry never arrived. Positives: As always, the Kiners killed it. The music was great. I love a happy ending, that rarely happens in Star Wars and I would've absolutely eaten it up under the right circumstances. Watching Hemlock finally get it was super satisfying. Echo's ending as a continuation of the Domino Squad's quest for clone individuality was really fitting actually. That One shot of Tantiss... glorious.

Epilogue Thoughts:

The way the city is set up on Pabu makes it look just like Tantiss in the overhead shot.

Aww the red bandana in Omega's hair

Hunter aged much better than Rex.

"We want to keep you safe" "You're our kid Omega" OK WHERE IS THE WE? WHERE IS THE OUR????

Ha she's taller than him short king Hunter wins

"Keep an eye on Wrecker and Crosshair" you're not gonna say bye? They aren't gonna see you off?? No way Wrecker would be ok with that

The GOGGLES :((((

Omega's lil salute like Tech in S2E4 Faster my heart

Where are Crosshair and Wrecker in the epilogue. It feels like a weird choice to leave them out. They're just as much her dads as Hunter is.

Epilogue TLDR: Honestly I liked that this was their ending. Finally, some Star Wars characters can have peace. With that said, My main gripes: significant lack of Crosshair and Wrecker, who absolutely wouldn't have let omega leave without saying goodbye. Similarly, lack of Phee, who seemed to be becoming a mother figure to Omega. I can't imagine she wouldn't have seen her daughter off. Positives: old Hunter. We don't get to see that many clones age, and Rebels animation, as much as I love it, just didn't quite do it justice. It was great to see some characters get to actually live out full (ish) lives at peace. Also older Omega's character design was peak.

Oooookay so this ended up being a Lot longer than I intended it to be when I started writing it but I just had a lot of thoughts on the finale and needed to put them somewhere. I loved the experience of being a part of the Bad Batch fandom from start to finish, and I made some great memories for sure. While the finale wasn't necessarily what I was hoping for from this show, I loved being delusional with everybody. Plus, this isn't the end. (we know they won't give up the clone wars animation style it makes them too much money)

[catboygirljoker]

What were your thoughts about KHearts before you got into it vs Now having been into it? Also late welcome to the community hope you've had fun!

thankyou :D!! i have had fun, sitting in my little crevice and exporting my xigbar images and xigbar posts. im happy that people have connected with it in some way :]

thoughts about KH before i got into it:

for some reason i was under the impression that the games were about a boy who has dreams about disney worlds. and he has regular size feet in the real world and only has big feet in the dream world. i also think he traveled with mickey and not donald or goofy

also for some reason i was under the impression that ventus was sora's dad. it was not until i actually watched the cutscenes in birth by sleep and saw lea and isa that i realized OH. this is NOT as far back on the timeline as i thought it was

images of a spiky red boy and a spiky blond boy and a black haired depressed girl eating ice cream together with lots&lots of people sobbing in the replies. (REALLY emphasized the slow creeping emotional dread of that game for me. like golly i sure hope i dont get emotionally destroyed like all those other people! and then i , was)

when i was in middle/high school i had friends who were super into it, but i was never able to play it because my parents had a policy of No Consoles. we were allowed to have handhelds, though, because my family took frequent road trips, so when i found out that there was a KH game for DS i said to a friend "oh, cool! dyou think id be able to play it without playing the other games?" and she looked at me, and looked at her copy of Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days, and said "........no"

only ~15 years later do i realize how funny of a question that was

thoughts about KH as i was getting into it:

too numerous to count. i shall attempt to keep it moderately brief

last year my husband listened to a podcast called "lore dump" where people explain the lore of different media to each other, and they did an episode/series on kingdom hearts, and i heard some pretty WaCkY sTuFf (i specifically remember them explaining what the recusant's sigil is, in the context of xigbar explaining that they'd been tracking sora and riku through the story of DDD)

found a vod of one of my favorite streamers streaming 1 and 2 to benefit abortion rights in texas, and i was like, well, here's my chance, heh, im gonna understand all of the WaCkY LoRe

i start up the stream. within the first 15 minutes i Get it. like it feels very dated in a lot of ways but i instantly understood what made people connect so strongly with this series. even as someone who didn't grow up with any attachment to it, and was a little put off of it even by how into it my friends were, to me kh1 is just pure high octane nostalgia. the tone is so specific and warm and bittersweet. i cried multiple times during the ending. it just really got to me! i was hooked!

when i fixate on a media property i like to have a hot person to chew on. i really. really thought it was gonna be axel. he is exactly the kind of character i would've fixated on when i was younger, when i had friends who were into KH. older mentor figure character who takes younger characters under his wing. associated with fire. projects brash confidence. k,ills people. he's a really good character! i love him a lot! every time he appears on screen i get on all fours and start barking! and there's all this fanart and merch and...then i got distracted......

hey blake in early 2023. it's me, blake in late 2024. have you heard of kingdom hearts. yeah. yeah youre gonna get really into it. yeah youre gonna have the longest running blorbo since you mega-fixated on the tenth doctor when you were 14. yeah. yeah um. you know the clip where the guy says "me? i'm already half xehanort!" and sora says "that's..nuts!"? yeah that guy? yeah. yeah. that guy. the half xehanort guy. yeah youre gonna make a fool of yourself online for that guy.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

MAC!!!!! i hope u r havin a GOOD DAY!!! i came 2 tell u that a) i watched ep 18 of pd s2 and i feel like i lost all of my braincells. businessman vyncent you are SO fucking cringefail. “it’s time for my four o’clock piss” ????? they brought in tony from tony’s pizza as a lawyer. this was so fuckign dumb oh my lord. what even was that episode i think my brain leaked out of my ears!!!! this is a got damn sitcom!!!!!! i had to pause every few minutes because i felt like i was losing my mind. genuinely surprised i did not have an aneurysm through that whole mess it was so fucking funny and so fucking stupid <3 ALSO!! things from the episode that immediately made me think of u: the wiwi danny phantom parody at the beginning!! as soon as i heard the beginning of the theme song i was like “YOOOOO MAC GHOSTIEZONE MY FRIEND MAC GHOSTIEZONE PROBABLY WENT NUTS OVER THIS!!” also BRIEF GILLION TIDESTRIDER MENTION 🎉🎉🎉 charlie accidentally did the voice he does for gillion at some point in the episode and i was like!! that is mac’s fish guy!!!!! the he!!!

also. b) i heard. that in riptide. at some point in an episode. grizzly decided to write gay smut and have gillion read it. and i am too curious for my own good so i found the episode and the timestamp and watched it. head in hands. Grizzly What Is Wrong With You. THE THING IS IT WAS ACTUALLY LOWKEY WELL WRITTEN LIKE HE ACTUALLY CAPTURED THE FEELING OF READING EROTICA WRITTEN BACK IN LIKE THE 1800’S. I DONT FUCKING KNOW HOW HE WROTE THAT OR WHY. BUT I THINK IT ALTERED SOMETHING IN MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY IN A VERY STRANGE WAY. THAT IS NOT HIS FIRST TIME WRITING SMUT NO WAY IT IS HE HAS TO BE LYING. GRIZZLYPLAYS WHY DID YOU WRITE THIS. I DONT KNOW THE FULL CONTEXT ALL I KNOW IS THAT I LISTENED TO GILLION TIDESTRIDER READ GAY EROTICA AND THE TERM DARK PUCKERED HOLE WILL UNFORTUNATELY LIVE IN MY HEAD FOREVER

and c) THAT. ASIDE. lookit the lil guy i bought yesterday :3 he is a cat…….. BUT ALSO A SHARK!!!!

i wanna name him wiwi. not rly for william related purposes he just looks like an el wiwi. fuckin itty bitty thing!!!!!

anyway i’m gonna watch ep19 today <3 i hope ur havin a lovely day i am sending u one million hugs in the mail they’ll be there in five to ten business days

AHAAAA GOD THE HEIST EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING STUPID I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. THEYRE SUCH IDIOTS. CANNOT BELIEVE THEY GOT OUT OF THERE IN ONE PIECE. anyway . hi! u just met david how do you feel about david!!!!!! stupid idiot fell for businessman vyncent.

AHA I FORGOT THAT WAS THE ONE WITH THE DP INTRO. u know whats really funny. the first post in my pd tag is a clip of that intro. i saw that when i was about halfway through riptide and my immediate reaction to it was "oh god i can never watch prime defenders now. ill be too insufferable about it if they lean into the dp angle for the ghost boy" and. well. look at me now. funny enough i think the second post in my pd tag is a piece of mark winters fanart where i was like "man idk this guy yet but he looks cool" LITTLE DID I FUCKING KNOW. points at past me. his ass is clueless!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD. FUCK. YOU DONT EVENFUCKING KNOW. YOU DONT EVEN KNOW. THE EXTENT. AT WHICH GRIZZLY WROTE OLD MAN SMUT. THE FUCKING VISCERAL REACTION THAT CLIP HAD ON ME. I HAD TO TAKE OFF MY HEADPHONES A FEW TIMES. I WAS ON CALL WITH JONESY AND THEY WERE LIKE. no. no. coward. put your headphones back on and listen to dark puckered hole like a man. i hate it here. and the fact that it was gillion who read it OUT LOUD who is the like. EXPLICITLY ASEXUAL CHARACTER. extremely funny to me. peepaw getting down. god i love riptide it sucks so much this podcast is so unserious. theres no way this is grizzlys first time writing fanfiction WHY IS IT SO WELL WRITTEN. fuck!!!!!!!! fuck you for making me think about dark puckered hole. this is not a single occurrence btw there are MULTIPLE readings of this book. jay cannot leave gillion and chip alone for five minutes or gill will start reading the smut book out loud again.

I LOVE WIWI THE CAT ALSO.................... OH MAN..... LITTLE SHARK KITTY........ he looks squishable. activating my cuteness aggression i think i need to bite him.

[iviarellereads]

System Collapse, Chapter 3

(Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Murderbot Diaries, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

In which, well, I guess we're doing this.

A mild confrontation ensues. Karime continues with the original meeting purpose, trying to convince them to agree to let the University help them. Almost everyone's helping with that in the feed where they can. Murderbot tunes most of the discussion out, except for a channel with Three,(1) as its current complement of humans volunteer to go looking for the alternate colony site.

Mensah thinks it's not a bad idea, but Martyn points out the danger in cold contact. Kaede agrees, but the other colonists aren't refusing to answer, it's likely they don't know the main-colony situation.

While MB watches, Art is sorting through the potential location techniques, and what to send into the interference area around the terraforming engines. MB agrees to go, as if there were any other option, and it knows Ratthi must be worried, but notes that he's doing well at not showing it as he agrees to go as well. Seth and Martyn worry for Iris in particular, as their child, but give their blessing to the jaunt.

MB recalls its three drones as they head back to the shuttle. It takes an aside to note how annoyed it is that it lost all but five drones,(2) so it left one with Karime and Three, one on Art so it doesn't lose ALL its drones, and has only three left to work with, which is why the B-E crew were able to sneak up on them.

Mensah tapped my private feed and said, If you’re not all right with this, you don’t have to go. Tarik has a security specialty, or we could send Three if you think it’s ready. Tarik is a human, and a first contact with isolated colonists is not the way I want to find out that Three is not ready to interact unsupervised with humans I give a shit about. I replied, I’m fine.

Art, not understanding privacy, says it's downloading itself to an ops drone in the shuttle. Mensah thanks it, and MB thinks it's not so bad, really, because then they can watch media together if it's boring.(3)

MB notices that it has four unread messages, from Pin-Lee, Arada, Overse, and Amena. It's having a hard time pretending it's okay right now, and can't bear to look at the messages itself, so it forwards them to Mensah and asks if she can tell them all that it's fine. Mensah agrees, and she'll even add that MB needs some space right now so they don't keep at it. She wishes it luck on the trip.

A minute out, MB stops the episode it and Art were watching, a "semi-historical" about humans leaving their home system for the first time.(4) MB has been a little anxious about the trip in such a fragile shuttle over such rocky terrain. It notes that Tarik's been in the pilot's seat, even though Art has a bot pilot active, and complains that it doesn't have a shuttle flight education module so it feels helpless against potential mechanical failure.(5)

Iris and Ratthi are talking about the vegetation outside, signs that the terraforming is working, and heartbreaking in the context of the planet potentially needing to be abandoned for alien contamination. MB notes that Adamantine had used a process that wouldn't leave the planet completely trashed if the terraforming stopped, unlike Milu. GoodNightLander Independent has been trying to untrash that, though it hasn't seen any news about it since leaving on the initial survey with Arada's team.

MB wonders if the kidnapping by not-quite-Art made the news feeds since then, complains about having one more thing to worry about, redacts some further passage leading off from this.(6) It picks back up at reiterating the timeline, explaining Mensah's ship left just hours after the kidnapping, so wouldn't have any updated news. Even the B-E ship might not, depending on where they originated from and whether the news of the kidnapping was being kept secret under Preservation Station Security regulations about active investigations.

MB takes a moment to acknowledge that Preservation StatSec isn't as bad at their job as what it thought at first. Their job is just limited so they're best at a limited skillset, and they're all vulnerable to the same lack of secret-keeping as most Preservation residents.

Regardless of all that, it doesn't have any hard data on the status of the newsfeeds until the University sends their ship, and maybe not even then. It just has to account for that in its long-term threat assessment and allow its anxiety levels to increase by the… it uses a term, commensurate, then asks Art to define it.(7) Art does so, "a synonym of proportionate." Then it asks if that was relevant to the mission. MB ignores this, knowing it's not really a question.

MB discusses the differences between Art, as a fully mechanical intelligence orders of magnitude greater than MB, and itself, reliant on its human neural tissue backups if it does something silly like the events of the climax of Exit Strategy. MB wouldn't last more than a few seconds attacking Art's architecture, which is why they had to code Murderbot 2.0 as a viral attack. And, if 2 were here, MB probably wouldn't… it redacts another portion.

Still, Art's partitions are separated by their functions. The drone piece isn't actively protecting Art's humans, so it's less likely to murder first and ask questions later if at all.(8) The main Art hands over the piloting controls to Tarik, and tells MB to take care of the humans and itself, just before MB's sense of the feed and the comms fades out slowly to the terraforming engines' disruption field. Threat assessment spikes, but draws back a little. It's expected, but losing contact is never without consequences.(9)

Fortunately, the shuttle's local feed is fine, and Art's drone partition is present, but much smaller without a tether to its main consciousness. It tells team the process is "unnecessarily dramatic." Iris says it's the one that creates the processes. Ratthi asks if it's weird that Art can partition itself and communicate like this. Tarik says the whole job's weird. Art-drone says Art's tolerance for its humans' shenanigans is also weird, and tells Iris to put on her seatbelt, since Art-drone is still part Art, even in the third-person.

As they get close to the terraforming engines, MB can pick up Art's pathfinder drones as pings, but all scans are still broken. Art-drone commands the pathfinders to fall in and follow, since they can't map anyway. They come up on the engines, but on visual scans, still can't find any indication of an air bubble for a colony.

The humans discuss whether the cave system theory might have been right. Iris hopes the splinter group is alright, because it might help the colonists come together toward evacuation if they can understand what sundered them. Tarik says Iris can't do therapy on an entire colony. Ratthi starts wondering about a pre-CR site… but then waves off the idea, literally, and says it's more likely they're living in something Adamantine-era from the original terraforming crew.

Tarik asks Art-drone if the pathfinders were miraculously able to get any scans, but it dismisses miracles as unlikely, and displays all the information they have, which isn't much. They can assume one of a few things are true: either the colonists meant for the engines to cover their power output to hide, they put the site where they wanted it and didn't consider the engine effect, they're all dead and there's no signal to detect, or they're deliberately ignoring the team to stay concealed.

Ratthi frowned at the big patchy blanks in the incoming survey data. “We have no idea how much they know about what happened in the main colony area, either. They could be ignoring us because they’re too afraid to answer.” ART-drone said, That would demonstrate a more developed sense of survival than we have previously encountered here.(10)

Iris records a brief explanation of who's here and their purpose, to broadcast and hopefully encourage contact. MB and Art-drone start running algorithms on the visual data they have, trying to find indications of settlement. Tarik asks if MB wants to weigh in. Ratthi glances at it, and obviously sees something about its mannerisms tells him something, because he says it's busy with something.

Three seconds later, it finds a potential landing site northwest of the engines. When it shares it, all the humans acknowledge the find, and MB gets as uncomfortable with the attention as it does at being ignored.(11) It doesn't acknowledge any of them, and Ratthi asks how it's doing. MB tells him it's fine.

Tarik and Iris discuss the lack of roads from the landing site, and what it might mean with regard to weather patterns. Tarik's face does some weird stuff, and MB watches him closely, fascinated to see a human with as much trouble hiding his emotions on his face as MB feels it has. Tarik asks why there's a drone in his face, and Ratthi suggests he ignore it, without explaining.(12)

Iris wants to get on the ground and start looking nearby, but Art-drone says the flat area may be an underground building's roof.(13) Tarik says they can land somewhere nearby that looks stable. MB sends an autoplay video to Ratthi,(14) who's so startled he exclaims a "What?" aloud before he grasps what it wants him to say. He tells Iris and Tarik, briefly, about the ground-burrowing creatures that came up under the hoppers in All Systems Red. Iris acknowledges it, in a way MB interprets as wanting Ratthi and Tarik both to shut up while she thinks. She suggests a ground sensor might work, close enough to the surface.

MB, seeing Ratthi and Tarik both opening their mouths to volunteer, cuts them off to say it'll go. Before they can protest, it's unclipped its seatbelt and crossed the compartment, picking up the ground sensor from Iris as it goes. Tarik is alarmed, they're still twenty meters up, and Art-drone threatens MB in the private feed between them. MB sends them all some footage from a documentary it watched with Pin-Lee, about a failed survey, where an underground creature took out an aircraft from forty meters up.

Tarik yells and cusses, but Ratthi says he understands MB's concern, but it's not jumping out at this height. Iris yells over everyone to say there's a soft-drop pack in the emergency locker. MB grabs one and says it knew that, even though it did not, and swears it would have been fine anyway.

MB suits up with an air mask and all, and Ratthi tells it to be careful. MB reminds him privately that it has guns in its arms. In its own thoughts, it thinks that's the whole point of its existence.(15) It also has the projectile weapon, it may not be any use against an ag-bot, but if there are massive alien contaminated bots here... let's not think about that too hard.

While Ratthi tries to explain to a curious Iris why MB is so worried about humans getting eaten, MB leans out the hatch for a look, then drops. In initial observation, the only thing it really notices is that some mounds close to the engines look human-made rather than natural. Still, those are so close to the engines, it's unlikely anyone's stupid enough to live under them.(16)

Then again, Corian told Karime that the splinter group had some members of the original terraforming crew. They would be in a position to know if they found a pre-CR installation. Adamantine tended toward permanent structures that were easy to repurpose as the colony grew, at the landing site, so it's unlikely they built anything up here or it would be visible and further away from the engines. Well, unless they had advance warning of the hostile takeover and secret directives to find a new secret site near the engines for safekeeping.

Art-drone tells MB it's had a 0.05% performance reliability spike, and MB tells the reader that Art's monitoring it because of a redacted story it doesn't want to talk about. Still, it tells Art-drone that it's had an idea, and sends it the loose details it's saved for later analysis. Art-drone humours MB but doesn't seem convinced.

The ground sensor does, in fact, work on the ground, and it shows a solid planet beneath MB's feet, but that the landing pad is the same material as Adamantine used at the other colony sites. Art-drone says there was only a 22% chance they built this close to the engines, but MB says they might have been stupid enough to do it anyway, even if they couldn't get safety bonded for it. It's not even sure how common safety bonds would have been forty years ago, though it thinks Art could probably dredge up some data with the right query to its database.

Tarik asks when they'll get a report, and MB watches through Drone 3 as Ratthi's face does "a thing" and he says when MB has something worth reporting. Iris teases Tarik about micromanaging, and Art-drone asks if Tarik is critiquing its management. MB notes to the reader that Tarik's only been with Art's team for about a year, so everyone fucks with him constantly as The New Guy.(17) It also thinks how everybody razzing Tarik means they haven't noticed that MB is just standing there uselessly… well, except Art-drone, and probably Ratthi because he's not angry at Tarik for the prodding, and Iris is pretty observant…

Get it together, Murderbot.

MB sends the ground sensor's report back to the team, and tries to decide what to do next. There's no sign of a road. The splinter colony wasn't hiding when they left, the other colonists knew approximately where they were going. They must have built a road, and some sign of it must be here somewhere.

MB starts moving the ground sensor around. Ratthi asks if they can come help, probably assuming MB still doesn't know what it's doing, but now it actually does, and declines assistance. Finally, under the surface at one edge of the pad, it finds metallic remains. A powered rail is still there, so floating equipment could be attached and moved along it.

Up in the shuttle, the humans were excited, thinking we could follow it all the way to the hidden habitat. Then with the ground sensor, I followed it for ten meters before it hit the rim of a buried hatchway.(18)

=====

(1) Emotional support connection, but is it for Three's benefit, Murderbot's need for control, or both? (2) During the events of Network Effect, though I can't be sure about the count on the drones at the end without going back and double checking and I'm more concerned with making forward progress on this one. (3) What gives you the impression that anything about this mission is going to be boring? (4) I have zero evidence for this except vibes, but I feel like this could be a reference to The Expanse, especially given the "throwing asteroids at planets" bit. (5) I wonder why, then, it was so comfortable back in All Systems Red, book 1, with being copilot with Mensah. It didn't comment that it was useless for it to be in the seat of the big hopper then. It's entirely possible that this shuttle requires a different education than the hoppers rented by the company it used to belong to, but it's a nitpick my brain can't help but notice. (6) The redactions are driving me insane. Good job, Martha Wells. (7) My heart, MY HEART! When was the last time MB actually, politely, asked anyone to help it, even in such a small way? I'm not fully in tears or anything, but I am making a goober face at my laptop screen. (8) I know we've kind of seen what happens when Art's humans are threatened, but I wonder if this is a look forward (setup/foreshadowing) or a look backward at what we've seen it do before, or both I suppose. (For once in this journey, I legitimately do not know, and I'm not averse to spoilers but I'm not looking this one up, either.) (9) See, that's DEFINITELY setting up for consequences. As if we needed to know something bad is going to happen. This is a Murderbot book with 80% remaining. (10) Burn cream on aisle 7, please? (11) Such a mood. Though, Ratthi's party sparkler emoji is hilarious to me, as someone who uses the tada emoji to indicate celebration for my friends. (12) I lost the post, but I saw someone put it as something like, Ratthi is so accustomed to the panopticon of Murderbot's surveillance state, he doesn't even notice it anymore. (13) I am obviously not an expert in any of the related fields to this, but I'm curious why just that one area would be cleared like that if it's the roof of this underground habitat. Like, I get that it makes it potentially unstable, if the rock shelf is thinner there. But, if this one is visible, shouldn't you see others? (14) Weaponized autoplay, I love it. (15) Well… that's the whole reason the people who came up with SecUnits created you. It's not your whole purpose for existing anymore. I hope you know that, fictional character I can't actually talk to but in whose emotional wellbeing I am deeply invested. (16) That feels like more setup. (17) Aww, no, don't give me more reasons to like, feel for the guy. (As if I need any more reason to trust a character than "Art accepts him and Murderbot doesn't want to throw him out the airlock".) (18) Nearly ther-- wait, that's all we get today?!

[blackgumball]

whats ur thoughts on toh? out of pure curiosity

aaaaaaalright so. the short of it is that s1 was mid, s2 was pretty great imo, and s3 SUCKED.

the long of it is that when i found out Dana Terrace was making a cartoon, I was excited. I admired her work on GF (which changed my life when I first saw it), and was looking forward to the Owl House.

when I started watching it, I figured it just wasn't my style. I had graduated high school found that i wasn't really into the 'school' element of stories anymore (which I remember hearing that Dana herself not being too interested in as well, but execs forced the crews hand). I also just don't care about witches very much. Luz didn't move me in any particular direction, nor did Eda. The animation was cute at points. I would say the best ting about the first season was the fight scenes, specifically the ones between Eda and Lilith. other than that the show was just fine.

season two. I loved season two. I thought it got a million times better. they introduced Hunter, who was probably my favourite character in the show, the stakes got higher, as did the quality of the storylines and arcs. I don't know! the show just became so exciting to watch. I had to drag myself through the first season but I was locked in on season 2 and very excited whenever new episodes were coming out.

so natch this is when disney decides to cut their legs out from under them.

look a huge part of me feels horrible for the cast and crew of the owl house. they had a decently popular narrative show that was being talked about WEEKLY and that still wasn't enough to save them from the axe.

so unfortunately I was watching rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles at around the same time I was watching the owl house. these shows were both canceled before they really got to end their narratives, and were given a shorter season/tv movie to wrap things up. I might've been 100x more forgiving to the owl house if rottmnt didn't EXCEL. granted, they're very different kinds of show, but rise really used what it had and made a heartfelt ending that insinuated the continuing adventures of the turtles. It really fucking worked (i love rise, everybody go watch rise)

so owl house gets three forty minute episodes to end its story, and the crew promised that just because they were short on time doesn't mean the show would be any worse. and I believed them.

the problem was, everything they chose to focus on in these episodes felt like the wrong choice.

so, context. the villain of the show since season one has been Emperor Belos. he's this big, creepy looking fascist dictator who wants everybody to be learning ONE kind of magic. he gives people special tattoos on the inside of their forearms to make sure they can't use more than one (which draws some uncomfortable parrallels to the holocaust considering we learn that belos wants to commit genocide against the witches)

so that's our villain but at the end of season two a new villain is introduced. a little creepy jester God Baby (heretofore known as GodBaby.) GodBaby wants to play. GodBaby destroys belos in one fell swoop and literally kills all the tension of the season two finally with a twitch of his finger, then GodBaby enslaves the planet as his playthings. Luz and her friends escape to the human world, but find they can't return.

When they DO return to the human world, they literally just explain to GodBaby that you have to ASK if people want to play with you and GodBaby immediately stops being the villain. The villain is now, again, Belos, who has been crawling around as a rather pathetic piles of deer shaped goo. There's your narrative context.

I found this was a huge waste of tension. they destroyed their villain, taking away all his credibility, his power, everything that makes him threatening to introduce this NEW guy, the new guy is convinced to the good side in a four minute conversation, all so you can bring this entirely non-threatening guy back for five seconds. this might have been alright if it didn't take place over the course of two and a half episodes. it wasnt DRAMATIC nor was it SATISFYING.

so that's the villains, now for the protagonists. Willow and Gus, our two side characters of colour, are underfocused on (as they have been throughout the entire show). Hunter, my favourite character, has basically the entire first episode dedicated to his suffering. i guess im biased cause I love that kid, but forty minutes of him getting infected with UncleGoop, slowly becoming paranoid and losing his mind, and then turning into some kinda (POORLY DESIGNED) deer beast, and then trying to KILL HIMSELF and THEN his first friend and beloved pet bird sacrificing itself to save his life..... hoooooooooooo. it was farrrrr too fucking much in my opinion. my man just wanted to cosplay. but i guess that's more of a personal thing.

Luz is in her depression era. she's upset because she thinks that everything is her fault, completely understandable. was i moved by it at all? noooooo.

amityyyyy. exists to be a good girlfriend. and that's OKAY. i'd probably like her way more if they hadn't turned the cunt beam down. she used to be a real bitch and that's when she was at her most interesting TO ME. IMO.

the most egregious thing to me is episode 2. that episode focused HEAVILY on side characters and stories I have no interest in when the stakes were supposed to be at their highest. they give boscha (fucking boscha?) a redemption arc when I was moe worried about hunter killing his uncle and luz freeing all the puppeteered slaves. and why are you INTRODUCING STORYLINES WHEN YOU HAVE LESS THAN SIXTY MINUTES OF SHOW LEFT???? it was very veryyy fucking frustrating.

last episode. i barely rememeber it. luz has he depression healed by the power of becoming a kaiju. hunter can now use magic because he ate his magic bird to survive. i was yawning.

when i talk shit about the owl house its because I was so fucking let down by its conclusion. I understand that the team had less to work with, but so did the crew on Rise, and they made an excellent conclusion to their series. because 2/3 seasons in that show were mid (TO ME!!! IN MYYYY OPINION!!!) i don't value it as much as I value shows like gravity falls or infinity train or rottmnt. if you or anybody reading this liked it, that's okay! live your truth. i did Not fuck with it though.

[miragethecat]

if you look at the statue next to the lady, that is God with a G. Of the Ultraman franchise anyway, his name is Noa and yes, there are a lot of Christian allegories in this franchise. but he is holding a blue orb that protects the city where the statue is from the Kaiju antlar.

(context: i was showing some of my new dioramas  that i had just gotten)

so there’s this group of ultras called the ultra brothers right and during one of the shows I think it’s like six of them get crucified, and their newest member has to be the monster called ace killer and it’s insane

THEY GET CRUCIFIED

they are called the 6 ultra brothers and then there’s another group including them, just called the ultra Brothers and it’s a group of like nine ultras

and don’t get me started on how all the series are classified into eras because some of them are wonky, and some people can’t agree, which shows go where, but that’s mostly for newer shows

and now going back to Noa

he has this I want to call it a puppet form because I don’t know the accurate terms. But he is also Ultraman Nexus. and Nexus has like four different forms, and has the most hosts out of every ultra I believe. he also looks like he has a mullet.

now to noa - pls notice that he does not have a mullet. he does have wings or what are supposed to allude to wings. he’s got a counter part called Dark Zagi. he’s a little freak.

he is an entity, that aliens tried to control, failed. And he was after the energy from the ultras home planet M78. to I believe, go back to his dimension. him and Noa fought, and now he has beef (i haven’t seen nexus yet, might be wrong 🤷‍♀️)

also, almost every ultra in the franchise has a dark/evil counterpart. they are also like 50 m y’all giants of light.

and most of them take hosts because earths atmosphere, cannot sustain their true form for more than three minutes or somewhere around that. most of the time. and then there are ultras who just take a human form and try to blend in while still being an alien

So they travel in these balls of light and honestly it’s really cool. there are 4 canonical ultrawoman (again could be wrong) and there are three others that have had women as hosts (maybe????).

now want to talk about the ultra series that is so popular in China that I believe last year it sold more than the Mouse. Ultraman Tiga!

he got a 4kids dub of the first 24–25 episodes and man. They are rough. I’ve seen them, they are so rough. but basically Tiga is very popular with people in the west, because I believe it was one of the most popular ones to come here and stayed popular

which is why I believe anyway, of the Ultraman figures that I have found at GameStop 2/3 of them have been him. And probably the ones that are going to come to the US first will probably be him and what Tsubaraya Think are the most popular ones that people here would want.

also, I believe he’s the first ultra to have indigo in his color palette and people online like to swear it’s either blue or purple. When I first watched it, I thought he was purple. so he’s got three main colors on him, being indigo, red and silver. and I believe he is the start of the gimmick, where the characters would become all one color, or mostly one color as a different form.

so his all indigo type is the aerial/speed type, and his all red type is his strength type. And each form has its own use and drawbacks. And then it is revealed towards the end, that he was originally an evil titan. Who had a dark gray and silver color palette and honestly he looks really cool because we don’t normally get those colors

and he like gets the traumatic flashbacks to when he was an evil titan and killing people. LIKE for his series he has the highest kill count(i believe????).

anyway i can’t beat the tiga fan allegations cause like half of my figures are of him. and his are usually the ones i find the most, in the US anyway.

this is getting so long, dear lord.

I liked watching tiga, I loved the throwback episodes, but it was not my favorite series in the slightest. it’s definitely in my like top 10 but I also haven’t seen a good chunk of the like 75 year run of this series.

i’m trying to, and it’s very easy to because a lot of them are on the YouTube channel for free with really good subtitles and some of them even have really good dubs.

anyway, this has been my pitch for you to watch this show/series and you can literally pick and choose where you want to start. That’s the beauty of this thing. You can start with the most recent show that just ended or you can pick a show from 50 years ago.

we have one series that people call the darkest one in the entire franchise, that’s Nexus. you can basically watch to college age siblings, become Ultraman and then the shenanigans they get up to. you can go back and watch the original, which was supposed to be its own universe, along with the second show the franchise until they decided to make it a multi-verse situation. now to get in the multiverse. 😀

A very, i want to say convoluted multi-verse. There is a character that canonically travels through dimensions with the help of God I think??? I don’t exactly quote me on that, but he does travel through dimensions.

The Ultraman that does that most frequently is named zero. he is the son of ultra seven who is the second ultra technically in this franchise. and they have a terrible relationship with each other. Seven left him to be raised/mentored by his trainee, Leo, who he traumatized when seven was training him.

zero basically has become tsubaraya’s Golden boy. he shows up in like everything, he is very charismatic. I will give him that, but he’s got issues and don’t even get me started on the different kinds of ultras that exist because there are distinctions.

ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!! now here’s my ramblings as my reward

i’m not even gonna get into that because I don’t know all of the information or at least some of the information. I only know a little bit about that specific topic.

but a really fun part about the show is that they do a lot of tribute episodes so sometimes your faves come back in the newer shows and it’s great to see them and just a lot of them haven’t gotten that treatment because I think they do it on like the 25th anniversary and then like special anniversaries or years or whatever.

anyway, that was my pitch to watch the show so I have other people to talk to about it and not just my sister and my dad. Actually, you can blame my dad for even getting me into this now I must go and do other stuff. Goodbye.

[stressedlawsecretary]

Today's Focus

02.21.24 - It is both hump day and soup day lol. I am not remoting in today; I am in the office for a soup social. I'll remote in tomorrow and Friday but since it's both takeout day for dinner and my dad is headed to a funeral this just worked better for the schedule this week.

Work - There are a couple of efiles sitting here for me but other than that I have no real work to do. SJC is off doing training, so I won't be needed as frequently by her, and my other two lawyers are very independent; unless I have to mail something today I will probably not have any real work to do.

Background Noise - Okay well. I start today with 121 on the Watch Later, which is a video less than yesterday after adding my subs for the morning. I'm probably going to do less of the nonsense background noise videos today than normal though, due to my studying.

I did do like eight full videos yesterday, around doing 20-minute chunks out of a couple of very long videos (3+ hrs and 2+ hrs respectively.)

Study - Wednesday is visual study day and for once I'm not at home to cheat with the DVR lol. SO I have a playlist of true crime videos on YT, and almost the entire like 40 seasons of Frontline on the Internet Archive set up. The plan is: a short video from the Watch Later, 20 min of one of the long videos I'm working on, a short video from the true crime playlist, and 20 minutes of a Frontline episode - all rotated in a circular fashion. I'll probably read some random articles here and there, might read some from my deep dives, and I have a documentary entitled The Act of Killing on my list but that's a stretch goal for sure.

I did very well yesterday. I read: six climate articles, three police misconduct articles, five pages from the Glass Report, five 'good news' articles, four other articles, and I finished both The Negro Problem (an article from The Atlantic circa 1889) and When is a Book Not a Book? Oliver Twist in Context (a five-part article by the NYPL). I did get farther in Black Women and the Constitution but that is a long essay so at least I made headway.

Extras - Okay, I am screwed up on the chores so I don't actually have anything to do today on that front; I am going to shower tonight so I have plans to try and tackle cleaning the medicine cabinet and the radiator register in there first. Other than that, it's two more episodes of Dekaranger (If I time this right, I'll switch back to Kamen Rider Drive on the weekend and finish that series up) plus a couple more episodes of Batman, which has gotten much much sillier than I remember it omg.

[sonkitty]

Earthly Objects - Part 2

Continued from Earthly Objects Part 1.

This post was last updated 05/06/2024.

Dialogue Points

Most interactions will not have both characters touching something. Instead, the characters follow dialogue patterns for the other points.

They tend to go something like the following:

Hello

Questions

Names

Statement of Place (might just be an extended form of "Hello")

Foreign Language

Combinations of hello, names, and questions are common. Two questions might even be enough for two points.

...

Hello

When Aziraphale enters the record shop for the first time in episode 1, he touches the window of the door twice, and says "Hello Maggie," before the sound effect of the door closing completes.

When Maggie enters the coffee shop, using the doorknob, Nina says "Hello" while holding plates with cups and before the sound effect of the door closing completes.

Equivalents such as "Hi there," are allowed.

"Excuse me," the show's opening words, is probably also allowed.

...

Question

"Yes? Was that you?"

"Seats? Mr. Fell, where are the seats I dropped off for the meeting?"

"Who are you? Who sent you?"

"What are you doing?"

...

Names

Titles in place of names seem to be acceptable.

"I don't know why you invited me, Mr. Fell."

"Officer, I need to report a crime."

"Jim, I'll need eight battery-operated candles."

...

Statement of Place

“I’m here.”

“I’m back.”

“You’re back.”

“You’re in trouble.”

“Oh, we’re going to the pub! You never go to the pub!”

“We are at war! Finally.”

"I think you know why we're here."

Statements such as these seem to be regarded as a type of "Hello". "I'm here" is said by Gabriel once he's opened the doors to the bookshop and steps out. When Aziraphale says, "You came back," to Crowley in episode 6, the doors are still open and closed just after he says it. I can't tell if Saraqael is ensuring a touch with the ramp or a presumed miracle sound to remove the ramp. Regardless, Aziraphale himself is not touching anything, not saying a question, not saying a number, not saying a name, and not speaking in a foreign language.

When Shax says, "You're in trouble," the window is open.

The "We are at war!" line is after the doors are closed, but since Dagon is in the group with Beelzebub who enters with fire, that seems to be the acceptable form of an earthly object touch combined with this "Hello" from Hell.

This Statement of Place pattern is a slight clue to The Door Catch's hidden message of, "Here goes nothing."

...

Numbers

"There's only room for one of us in this lane, and it's not you."

"I don't go to the outside, and now I have two friends."

"If anyone asks, tell them we'll be back in five minutes."

...

Foreign Language

When watching the show in English, characters talking in a foreign language is, I think, touching an earthly object. It's significant enough that Mrs. Cheng never has to touch anything except a fan when she is at the ball and talking in English.

...

Groups

Blurs make groups harder to understand now that I know blurs exist and seem to have some kind of pass or share effect.

The story's going to go by some level of context with who is in the scene.

For instance, Saraqael saying, "Your beatitudes," and both replying "Yes" at the same time probably let Michael and Uriel count as "one" character at specific parts of the scene as required.

For something like the scene in the bookshop with the powers of Heaven and Hell, those groups are of 3 or more characters.

For that, it seemed only one character from a group is required to initiate the interaction on a group’s behalf. In episode 6, Crowley represents himself and the four angels who came with him. His shoes are not quite seen on the ramp due to the camera work, but he is clearly running up it with Saraqael's wheels visibly behind him on that ramp. Crowley does a hello and a question through an open threshold. The next touch will come soon but not yet.

Aziraphale says, “You’re back,” and then gets to represent the group of him, Gabriel, Maggie, and Nina.

Muriel, who was in the group with Crowley, closes the doors. Crowley touches Shax’s shoe while Shax is unconscious on the couch. As such, Crowley gets the earthly object touch on the couch through Shax or on the shoe thanks to Shax being on a couch. For all I know, he gets both.

Dagon, Furfur, and Beelzebub arrive. I think Beelzebub’s fire is supposed to be an earthly object touch for their group, and Dagon says, “We are at war!” If I’m right, this third group still needed an earthly object touch, possibly because the doors were closed by that point. Additionally, when Beelzebub awakens Shax with lightning, Shax ends up both touching the couch and having books fall on her, so she gets touches in as well.

...

Chains

Sometimes scenes will have multiple standard sets of points chained together or even having different characters earning their own different sets of chained points.

In episode 1, there is a tutorial for how complex window scenes are done. Crowley is experiencing things and earning his own solo sets in his anger with shooting out lightning from himself. Meanwhile, Maggie and Nina watch from the window. They are also earning their own sets of points.

To me, the most obvious chain is in episode 5 when Crowley interrogates Gabriel since both characters are ensured touches throughout so much of the scene.

Upon first realizing there might be a chain there, I thought that might make it one of the most real scenes to the story, even if Crowley might have an underlying intent to draw out his own demonic energy there. That also came from observing some basic rule-breaking that I'll note in another post.

Then again, maybe not. In that earlier mentioned complex window scene, there is a possibly fake blurry Crowley near a blurry car that looks more dark blue in exterior than black and is not used for driving away.

...

Close-Up Touches

There are two close-up touches I do not fully trust but think most are supposed to be valid otherwise.

The first one is a close-up touch of a hand picking up Crowley's sunglasses. In the preceding cut was a fake Crowley who I believe was Aziraphale in an appearance swap. The next cut will also have Crowley but with two fingers to indicate a basic rule-breaking session is still active before a human passes him. You can read more about what I have to say on the sequence it is part of here: Post #10 (storming out).

The second is Crowley holding the cardboard box in episode 6. Once he turns that box over, his thumb is avoiding touching it on purpose. He has the index and middle fingers together with their tips. Meanwhile, the ring finger can be found on camera but is deliberately separate from the other two and not clearly showing its tip.

In both cases, I think touches likely happened, but those are supposed to be a way of the story telling on its own deception. Gabriel probably arrived with a cardboard box at least twice. In the first draft of the story, the message written on the box may have been different.

Another noteworthy third close up touch is the Metatron touching the gold "H" button at the end. If my play has any merit, he's making a mistake. You can find out more about what that mistake is here: The Pocket Chain Rainbow Connection Part 4: The Door Trick and The Door Catch)

...

Crowley's Name

Crowley's name usage, or lack thereof, is just flat out odd in the whole story.

If there is a rule, it's something like neither Crowley nor Gabriel are ever allowed to say Crowley's name. No exceptions.

For Crowley, this theoretical rule applies to all time periods shown in the season 2 story.

Maggie and Nina are two other higher profile characters who never say Crowley's name.

For more on just how odd the usage is, please see my post here. Be sure to check my own reblogs to that post as well.

...

Players

I won't name everyone, but here are some characters that have some notable play styles.

Shax

In Hell, Shax never physically touches an earthly object in the present day until preparing the attack on the bookshop by using the microphone (I think). On Earth, again before the bookshop attack, Shax is always wearing gloves so never making skin contact with anything when she does touch things. She does touch objects with skin contact during the bookshop attack before the demons officially cross the threshold. She seems to avoid it after that. Then she touches the couch when Beelzebub zaps her with lightning in the bookshop. She allows a fist bump with Furfur. Otherwise, she maintains an often stiff posture in her shoulders that suggests a reluctance to touch things.

...

Maggie

Maggie's hands are weird.

See her pull her hands back as Aziraphale enters the record shop for the first time. She would have fully qualified as touching something right then with her cell phone, I think anyway...then she doesn't. Then she starts to talk and seems to correct herself by clasping her hands before talking again.

Then later in episode 1, she touches the doorknob. As the camera shows her entering the coffee shop, there's some kind of lighter white aura or something around her hand, and it's transparent enough to see just the doorknob. Things seem to change to an actual touch, then the transparency happens again without the aura. It might even happen a third time. I can't make sense of it. The story seems to count it as an earthly object touch nonetheless. Maggie's hand doesn't do that same thing in episode 6 when re-entering the bookshop.

When she answers Crowley at the threshold of her record shop, the left hand is shown to reach for the door and then fully hidden behind that door. The right is methodically decided to touch her hip at seemingly odd timing. I assume the story counts it as an appropriate touch. Nina will touch her clothes too, but it's going to look more natural.

As weird as Maggie is, I do believe her self-touch methods and other factors, such as Crowley looking through her window at the end of episode 6, mean she is human. She is a special type of human but human.

...

Mrs. Cheng

Mrs. Cheng looks ready to enter the bookshop without touching anything. It is heavily implied she's touching a pillar. Her transition into the ball is skipped. Overall, she is only ever shown holding a fan during her conversation with Mrs. Sandwich, when she is speaking in English, but otherwise never visibly physically touches anything.

...

Muriel

Muriel doesn't seem to quite grasp the rules of the game when they first appear on Earth. They receive some assistance from Aziraphale, then later Crowley during episode 3.

After some careful analysis of examining both Crowley and Muriel together, it is apparent that Muriel is far more than what they seem because they do know how to properly manage framing and using a pocket during a Threshold Trick.

I believe Crowley and Muriel are actually good friends who willingly altered their own memories while managing a way to maintain their trust in each other. My conclusion largely stems from Muriel's assistance for the Heaven elevator in The Bigger Thresholds Trick, their positioning during the last touch of The Pocket Trick, and the way these characters have scenes that bookend each other, especially once they return from Heaven in episode 6. If these two are somehow not friends, they are at least two people who have a deep trust in each other.

...

The Metatron

Even though this character does touch earthly objects, there is something way off in how he plays this game compared to everyone. It's like he's cheating without realizing it or the story isn't letting him play fully, just partly.

The camera will never let the Metatron show the full use of a doorknob. It cuts away before the door closes in episode 6, both times he enters. It also cuts in after he's already touching the doorknob on his first exit, then doesn't bother showing his second exit at all.

On top of all that, he is not shown to cross over the threshold from the street into the elevator. He's already in.

While trying to figure out the Rainbow Connection mechanics at work between The Door Trick and The Door Catch, I did pick up on the following hidden message: The Metatron makes mistakes.

So, his play might feel so off if he is making mistakes even before The Door Trick and The Door Catch.

His use of pockets is to keep his hands in most of the time and only take one out; thumbs are of no concern at all.

...

Gabriel

Gabriel gets away with breaking or bending the rules. He gets plenty of touches in, and yet, sometimes, he doesn't.

In episode 1, he just so happens to drop that box before the cut can confirm he was holding it before it dropped. He's holding that cup with angel wings that just so happen to obscure his fingers in ways I have to question once I know hands have their own complex mechanics. His arm just so happens to not be on the railing, yet so close to it when Crowley comes back.

There are two scenes, one with Aziraphale in episode 2 and one with Crowley in episode 3, where the characters engage in a brief interaction with no earthly object touches during the scene. For Aziraphale, it's after he's finished part of the Job minisode memory and admits that Gabriel used to be so awful. For Crowley, it's where Crowley stops just short of actually threatening Gabriel and ends the entire episode with, "It's always too late."

These two scenes don't stick out as particularly deceptive. If anything, they feel honest in their uncertainty. Perhaps they foreshadow the eventual rule-breaking session of The Final Fifteen.

...

Saraqael

I have a gut feeling that Saraqael is not an expert but at least a little more attuned to these rules than many other characters.

Their eyes suggest they know more than what they let on in episode 2. They say, "Shall we discuss this inside?" and might actually recognize Gabriel while just not saying they do.

Later in episode 6, when saying Saraqael is saying they could not find Gabriel in the building from past footage found in Heaven, they could easily have been lying.

They seem more likely to be an ally than enemy to Crowley but not by much. They seem more neutral when compared to the level of trust that Crowley and Muriel share with each other.

...

The Sideburns Scheme

Crowley's sideburn length changes in the present day are another game in Good Omens 2. In fact, the Sideburns Scheme is actually the easier one and a general Clue about the existence of Earthly Objects.

I found The Door Trick and The Bigger Thresholds Trick through the Sideburns Scheme before I found Earthly Objects.

I recommend checking out this post in particular that goes over tutorials for both games:

Post #10 (storming out)

Otherwise, I don't mention the sideburns much in this entire post series on Earthly Objects since I have a whole other extensive post and longer series about them. You can find more here: The Sideburns Scheme.

...

Rule Following

A fascinating example I've found of rule-following by Crowley and Aziraphale is when Muriel intrudes on them. I can’t fully explain the mechanics of the rules because like I said, I really do think Crowley is an expert at this game. Whatever is happening here is advanced stuff. I'm going to walk you through what he does to get this scene where it needs to go. He does it with style.

Before Muriel intrudes, Aziraphale had already made sure to have a cup of tea visibly touching his hands to start the scene in the room. Crowley poses to indicate he is touching a blurred stack of books in the room, even if Aziraphale's body obscures confirmation of that touch while Aziraphale closes the door. Crowley's left arm is shown as him placing a hand on his hip. During their conversation, Crowley's right arm keeps telling us he's still touching that stack and not moving away from it. Blurs, I believe at this point, allow a pass, and so this one seems to be allowing some kind of pass and then hold so long as Crowley keeps at it.

The story lets him without confirming that is the touch on camera. We are never going to see that confirmation. He displays his left arm and even says, "One fabulous kiss, and we're good," as if that's a clue he is allowed that one time to show that one arm until a certain thing is going to happen. That left arm returns to implying its previous touch as well.

Crowley has an earthly object prepared for the scene. He fully intends to give over those keys despite his grumbling. It might be very important that the car keys earn a specific point because they move the story along.

Ready for the pass, he has those keys in his left hand, skin contact and all, perhaps a little blurry on a camera from behind him, but still, he's got them.

Muriel opens the door, crosses past the threshold of this private conversation, and says, "All done?" No earthly objects. No hello. No knocking. We have an outright intrusion here! At least there was a question, but it might not have been enough due to what Crowley does.

Crowley pulls the keys back toward himself immediately. From the view behind Muriel, his pose is returned to match what it was when Aziraphale closed the door at the start of the scene even though Muriel's blocking the blurred stack of books.

Aziraphale's frustrated because of the rules. Crowley is going to do several things to handle this situation.

First, Crowley smiles and answers Muriel, then asks Muriel about being interested in humans being in love. That’s a question. Then he even stops Muriel from saying names. He's saying the names himself, so his implied hold with both arms might be allowing him to keep dragging out a lot of the dialogue until he gets what he wants. Assuredly, Aziraphale seeming to get quite turned on by this talk is about the love, but he's also watching the master of this game at work.

Eventually, Muriel brings out a notepad and pen. That's two earthly objects. Between both Muriel and Crowley, that interaction meets the requirements, regardless of the initiating question from the whole intrusion. Aziraphale has kept quiet the whole time though he at least smiles. Crowley's left arm readies itself for what comes next. His right arm is still implying the touch behind him.

Muriel's eyes move their attention from Crowley to the notepad. Spanning only a few frames after this shift, Crowley's blurred hand shows the keys for the touch and tosses the keys toward Aziraphale. Without checking frame by frame, it looks instant based on the notepad, not the eye movement from Muriel. He knew exactly what he was doing. There is a slight possibility that secretly trusted friend Muriel was actually giving him a cue, but I lean more toward that not happening myself. However, I do have an overall bias toward Crowley.

Aziraphale manages the catch, thankfully. You can tell he was nervous and is grateful. He winks. That gives one point to him for the keys in his hand and another point for the wink as a self-touch since he’s a supernatural being holding an earthly object. The pair need one last point.

Muriel's attention remains on their notepad for the entire toss.

Crowley's right arm maintains its implied touch throughout the entire scene, even after the toss is done. He does one last thing to close it all out. He gives a sour grimace to allow his cheeks an active touch on his new sunglasses. At least, I think that's how the sequence is intended to be.

So, my current guess is that the scene is three different interactions. The first is between Aziraphale and Crowley. They already had their points but the story doesn’t want just points (or, as noted, the implied touch may have allowed some kind of hold). Those keys needed a relevant pass between these two players. Muriel’s intrusion reset things, so that another interaction of three points between Crowley and Aziraphale was necessary.

Crowley takes over to be the one character to interact with Muriel, get them their own points without involving the keys in this intentionally isolated interaction. His precise timing is impressive. Then there’s the third sequence covered above (keys, wink, grimace). To help keep these interactions separate, Muriel should not see the pass.

Now that I suspect Crowley and Muriel are actually friends, the intrusion itself might have accomplished something I will never truly understand.

...

Rule Breaking - Basic

Likely Fake Crowley, who is probably Aziraphale, passing a cardboard box and no dialogue is breaking the rules. Soon after is a blurry figure who I’m guessing is still a fake. The figure picks up sunglasses and avoids an obvious plate of Eccles cakes. These cuts are likely part of an edit. There are two earthly objects emphatically not touched. Gabriel is nowhere to be found, but the more clear fake had long sideburns. In the next bookshop scene, the plate has disappeared, and the cardboard box has been moved. This post was already linked above, but here it is again, for more: Post #10 (storming out)

Crowley, Saraqael, and Muriel walking to the Heaven elevator is likely an edit because it also breaks the rules. There are no earthly object touches, no dialogue, and suddenly Michael and Uriel are in the elevator later. That one's probably obvious to others, but still. There were no touches is my point. There were floor reflections but no touches otherwise. Crowley didn't hop or run, and Saraqael never takes their finger off their joystick for their wheelchair. Muriel marched. There were even avoided touches in the cut right before it.

...

Earthly Objects Main

Earthly Objects Part 1

Earthly Objects Part 2

Earthly Objects Part 3

[majoringinsarcasm]

OK SO NOT TO BE EVEN MORE DELUSIONAL if Bees don’t happen tomorrow it’s fine literally I’m not even worried bc I know it will this volume BUT LET ME GET UP ON THIS STEPLADDER TO REACH FOR A MINUTE (also for context I am getting the episode numbers from crunch roll I think they might’ve been slightly different originally on YouTube but it’s fine I’m already reaching)

Volume 1 Chapter 6: The Emerald Forest is when Blake and Yang locked eyes and became partners BEFORE they even joined a team. So in a world where team rwby never happened they would still be partners on another team. Also could be argued Blake picked Yang on purpose bc we see her dart by in the foreground. You know. Also side note but Yang asking the Grimm if they’ve seen a girl in a red hood vs Ruby asking Little if they’ve seen a girl with long blonde hair. Sisters, your honor.

Volume 2 Chapter 6: Burning the Candle. DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY MORE? Some could say it’s one of the defining moments of early series Blake and Yang, it’s so good you can just say the title and the ones who get it get it. Highlights are the laser pointer which I found personally fun, early volume humor I love you, hugging your sleep deprived stressed girl best friend and then saying you’ll save her a dance. Also shout out to shirtless Ren??? Forgot about that and Nora in the background pretending not to listen to him and Jaune talk lol. Also early volume Renora my BELOVED

Volume 3 Chapter 6: Fall is when the fake out leg break happens with Mercury which isn’t a Bees moment but that later sparks the conversation all the girls have about believing Yang really saw him attack first and Blake bringing up how this reminds her of Adam but deciding to trust in Yang anyway. Volumes four and five don’t have Bee moments tied to their respective chapter sixes.

However the bees are thinking about each other while they are apart, with Blake seeing Yang in Sun’s place when he’s attacked by Ilia plus Sun literally calling out that Yang would want Blake to be with her even when things are bad. And Yang’s “what if I needed her here for me?” when she and Weiss have their little heart to heart in V5.

Volume 6 Chapter 6: Alone in the Woods: a personal favorite of mine in general. They are at the farm, they are above the Apathy, Qrow gets his first big wake up call in terms of his alcoholism and how it affects his family. Yang grabs Blake by the hand to lead her out of the house even though she doesn’t really Need to and Weiss gets to torch the place because she also has a parental figure who struggles with drinking and it affects her. Love this episode a true banger.

Volume 7 Chapter 6: A Night Off: Blake and Yang are going dancing. Neither are very good at it and it’s very cute. Featuring a hand on the shoulder as Blake does her makeup and Yang sitting like a lesbian on the bed behind her and smiling as she does said makeup. Also Blake’s giggle she laughs at whatever Yang does. I love mutually down bad couples. Also Weiss watching half of her team be gay dorks and deciding to go to the movies with Oscar and Jaune bc she refuses to be a third wheel for another second. Highlight for me personally is the beginning when everyone is training I love shots like that I think it’s cute and fun and. I miss when they could act like this before. The Horrors truly set it. Also the beginnings of Ren semblance evolution and the Rosegarden crumb haha. Also Yang chasing after Blake and her shadows as they are fishing was also cute.

Volume 8 Chapter 6 is Cinder’s backstory but V8 does have the bee reunion face cradle and forehead touch as well as Yang’s conversation with Jaune that he mistakenly thinks is about Ruby, as well as Blake’s conversation with Nora about needing to know who you are outside of your relationship and how They don’t have to be all You are.

WHICH BRINGS US NOW TO VOLUME 9 CHAPTER 6. Not every cute or significant Bee moment is tied to chapter six and they have more than one movement to talk and have moments in each volume. I just had a lil breakthrough and wanted to check when they became partners and what chapter burning the candle was and went down a rabbit hole.

Again IF there’s no confession in like 10 hours do Not let the bad faith haters get you down. We are coming off a wild episode and I personally missed my boy Jaune so much and want to know what happened to him. We will see how all that plays out. But the evidence is there and has been for years and has been pointed out in universe so if it doesn’t happen it’s ok to be disappointed but please trust that it Will happen.

But if it DOES? No bigger bottles will be popped. We win either way; it just depends on when. See y’all on the other side!

[kinetic-elaboration]

October 10: OTGW 1-4

I was really tired again today, unsurprisingly, literally almost fell asleep at my desk; it was that bad. I got myself home and meant to take like a 40 minute nap and then it was 3 hours later. Like I don't remember turning off my alarm or anything. I think I was having quite weird/intense dreams though I don't remember them.

Anyway, got an unsatisfying dinner and now I need to make tomorrow's lunch and take a shower and go back to bed ASAP.

Over dinner, continued my first time watch of Over the Garden Wall. Literally every year since I joined tumblr I've been telling myself to Watch the Thing and I never have. I really didn't know what to expect, other than the aesthetic which is obviously what I see around here, but I'm really enjoying it even more than I thought I would. I knew it would be beautiful and autumnal and it is. But it's also weird, surprisingly spooky and dark for a Cartoon Network show, and endearing in its characters.

I've seen the first four episodes so far. Definitely Ep 2 is my favorite so far and I don't honestly think anything subsequent will top it. I liked the spookiness of the first two episodes more than the musical-ness of the next two, but they were still cute and Ep 3, with the animal school, was really quite endearing, with just enough strangeness to it to keep with the overall vibe.

I like that it started out with just 'we're in the woods and we're lost' no exposition, no context--it feels very much like a dream, in a way. You know from that alone that you're in a place with no rules because generally people do know why hey are in the places they are. So, now, anything can happen here.

Aesthetically, it reminds me both of CN shows of my childhood, specifically in its characters and their style of humor, but also of older books and media, sort of Wind in the Willows with the talking animals, but with an added spooky quality. Not like pastoral England but like... perpetual autumn fairy tale. But then there's also a surreal and again dream-like quality where things happen in a completely unexpected and unpredictable way while still sticking to archetypes--hero's journey...literally everything in the Tavern of Singing Archetypes (side note: the highwayman song was pretty good), Jane-Eyre-style orphanage/school, the threatening Beast in the woods, etc. Except it's animals and pumpkins and skeletons and time has no meaning and every sentient being just accepts the world around it without question in a way not unlike children do, because they discern certain rules about the environment but not the reasons for them.

I probably have some other thoughts rattling around in there (my brain) but I'm just so tired. I'm so tired. I really wanted to make a crisp tomorrow and I guess I could still do that (if I get enough sleep tonight and feel better) but I didn't do any of the prep work like cleaning my kitchen today... I don't know. Get sleep first I guess.

[gobbluthbutagirl]

there is literally no good way to begin a post on tumblr.com involving fictional character sexuality discourse about sitcom characters so let's just jump right in. i don't think george oscar "gob" bluth ii from emmy-winning sitcom arrested development(2003-2006, 2013, 2018-2019) is bisexual. i think that he is gay. and i cannot for the life of me understand how someone can walk away from watching all five seasons of this show believing that man has ever in his life experienced even an ounce of genuine attraction to a woman. and i mean no offense to the "gob is bisexual" crowd, really and truly. i too thought to myself "ok, so gob is bi" after watching the first four seasons all the way back in march 2018. and then when 5A came out two months later i was like wait a minute. this man is gay. this man has always been gay. and no, 5B's release 9.5 months later did not change my mind in the slightest. and in this essay i will discuss why.

@quinnmorgendorffer you asked to read this. @ everyone else you did not but hopefully the readmore will deter you from unfollowing me as a result. anyway here goes:

alright so when i have historically seen people argue that gob is bisexual wrt to 5B there are two main points that get brought up. which to the casual viewer i mean yeah, i can see how you might interpret these things this way, but listen to me. i'm a scholar. i have watched this show beginning to end on no fewer than ten occasions. i know so little about so many things but when it comes to emmy-winning sitcom arrested development(2003-2006, 2013, 2018-2019) i know everything there is. show me literally any out of context screenshot from this show and i'll tell you exactly what season and exactly what episode and as close to a timestamp as i can possibly get while having absolutely no concept of time. i'm telling you, i'm insane about this sitcom. i am deranged about this sitcom. i know it backwards and forward, beginning to end, front to back, in my sleep and in my dreams and to the end of this earth. if anybody has earned the right to die on the hill of fictional character sexuality discourse about arrested development characters it's me. and to die on this hill is exactly what i intend to do here. or at least to shoot myself in the foot on it.

anyway. point #1 i see get brought up is the conversion therapy scene. and this is one that's actually so easy to dispel that it mildly bothers me that i even have to do it. tell me you did not pay attention to season 4 without telling me you did not pay attention to season 4. "he wanted to fuck mrs veal bc he popped a boner looking at her chest." are you sure about that? are you sure that's what happened in that scene? think about it for a second. what type of necklace was she wearing in that scene? and what(who) does george oscar "gob" bluth ii associate with that type of necklace? if you don't know the answers to those 2 questions you have already lost your dog in this fight. come back when you've watched this show as obsessively as i have & can make the connection instantly.

that aside, how are you getting "he wanted to fuck her" from that scene anyway? the man stood up and walked away visibly uncomfortable. remember that this is george oscar "gob" bluth ii of "i fucked [insert female character]" fame. if he had wanted to fuck her, don't you think he...perhaps would have at least made an ATTEMPT to do so? and ignoring that, this man also once popped a boner while hugging his own brother. does this mean he wanted to fuck michael as well? don't answer that. i've seen enough shit on ao3 to know how you people think.

point #2 is the line in the finale(the line spoken not even by gob but by BUSTER) that goes "i'd rather have a brother who's alive and maybe bisexual than dead and straight." a lot of you guys seem to have interpreted that line as gob being canonically bisexual but not me. i'm built different. think about it in context for a couple seconds. you know what? think all the way back to season one. gob says to michael regarding barry, "he's a man, michael. he needs a woman." this is how gob's brain works. this is a man whose entire life has been spent desperately seeking the approval of a father who will never love him and who as a direct result of that has convinced himself the best chance he has of succeeding at doing so is to emulate the man in every way. this is a man who feels so much shame on a daily basis that he roofies himself as part of his nightly routine for years and years and years. this is some next-level internalized homophobia going on here. he falls in love for the first time in his life in his mid-40s and it's with another man. and the way that he himself phrases it - something that he only allowed to happen - this man has been fighting what he's known deep down is the truth for so long and with such intensity that he can only even verbalize it as a hypothetical situation occuring to his brother - his brother who's always been the golden child, who's always been his father's favorite son.

and so i ask you - no, in fact, i IMPLORE you - on what earth would a man who has lived such a life have a clean and simple open and shut transition from "so deeply closeted he nearly manages to convince himself" to "out and proud gay man"? hopefully this is not a disclaimer that actually needs to be made but OBVIOUSLY bisexuality is its own independent sexuality. OBVIOUSLY it's not a stepping stone from straight to gay. HOWEVER for someone who is both gay and deeply closeted/in denial, either fictional(such as george oscar "gob" bluth ii from arrested development, the subject of this post) or real(such as me from real life, not the subject of this post but the first example that comes to mind for reasons that should probably be obvious), it can act as one. and i'm not saying that's objectively and/or morally right or wrong or whatever; i'm just saying it's a thing that can happen and has happened and to deny that is to deny reality. anyway my point here is that gob is clearly uncomfortable with the idea of being fully out. and why wouldn't he be? even before the whole gay mafia ordeal he's just watched the man he loves be encased in cement. he thinks tony's dead. he thinks he just watched tony die and that he killed him. and now the whole world thinks he's gay, because he IS gay, but he doesn't want the whole world to know that. he spends the vast majority of the latter half of season 5 hurt & alone & confused & straddling the border between deep denial & deep love for a man he's not sure loves him back or is even around anymore to love him back. yes i realize how unhinged i sound right now talking this way about a pathetic fictional sitcom failson but if you didn't expect tumblr user gobbluthbutagirl to be decidedly un-normal about pathetic fictional sitcom failson gob bluth then you don't know me that well.

ANYWAY what i am trying to say here is. gob does not read like a bi man to me at all. he reads like a deeply DEEPLY closeted gay man who spends the original three seasons in full or at least near-total denial about his sexuality and the latter two struggling with it immensely. the very first time he's shown onscreen with a woman(marta) he looks viscerally disgusted. and you watch that for the first time and you think, "wow, what an asshole!" and then you rewatch it after having seen his complete arc over the course of the show and you still think, "wow, what an asshole!" but you also think, in the wise words of tony wonder, "well, it makes sense now, doesn't it?" the man is gay. the man has always been gay. and really under a microscope any argument you could make to support gob being bisexual falls apart so fast. "he's in love with tony bc tony treats him differently-" bad & wrong take. marta was nothing but nice to that man. ann was nothing but nice to that man. every woman he's ever had in his life has given him more chances than he's ever deserved and it has still fallen through every single time. why? because he is gay. he is fundamentally incompatible with them on every level. women look at gob and think "i can fix him" and i guess in the end ann kind of did succeed at doing that. just not in the way she'd expected.

"well but what about lucille austero-" do i really have to even say this. the guy has mommy issues. not to mention the in-joke about liza minnelli's real-life history involving gay men(does the name peter allen ring a bell?). i mean come on guys. this is basic stuff here. and even if you still argue there was something real there surely you have not failed to notice how quickly he got over that relationship. whereas he spends an entire fifth of the show pining for tony so deeply and so obviously it's almost painful just to watch. "what about starla. he pursues her of his own accord-" i am once again repeating gob's own words back to you: "he's a man, michael. he needs a woman." gob is lonely. he wants companionship. he's also a misogynist and has very little interest in actually being committed to a woman. he uses his relationships with women as a way to prove to the world, to his family - and moreover, to himself, that he is in fact heterosexual. he knows deep down that he isn't, though. he has known this for most if not all of his life but he refuses to accept it.

this is a man who's been shown on screen crying after sleeping with women. this is a man who's been shown on screen crying INSTEAD of sleeping with women and lying about it after. this is a man who, in season one, when told that michael is one of very few intelligent, attractive, AND straight men, immediately points out that michael's only slept with four women. that's his knee-jerk reaction - "well i've slept with more women than he has." he assumes himself to be more intelligent(incorrect) and attractive(correct) than michael, but he can't deny that michael is straighter than he is, which is of course why he opts immediately to deny that michael is straighter than he is. in his mind it's quantity over quality. he keeps telling himself if he sleeps with as many women as he possibly can, or at least convinces everyone around him that he's slept with all these women, he'll eventually find one he's actually attracted to. and at the beginning of season four i think he's begun to realize it simply won't happen. but he's still terrified to admit that to himself, or to anyone around him. that conversation he has with tobias - "you look how i feel." "gay?" - i think if tobias had not reacted the way that he did, in that moment, gob might have come out. but that would not have made for interesting television at all, so i personally am glad it did not go down that way.

and see we know that gob has been with men before tony. we know this because not only is it implied on so many occasions but also it's explicitly stated by gob himself. but tony is the first man gob has ever "allowed"(his own words!) himself to develop feelings for. and he's spent his whole life trying and failing to develop feelings for every woman under the sun. and he's fucked with his memory so much that there's really no telling how much of it he remembers and how much of it he doesn't, but the fact of the matter is this: he remembers his night with tony, and for the entire remainder of the show afterwards he does not sleep with a woman ever again. and not for lack of trying! his 'relationship' with joni lasts for months and he does nothing with her. when kitty comes onto him at imagine he looks sick to his stomach. he loves tony. he says this out loud. he spends a whole season trying to get tony back and in the last ten minutes of the finale he finally succeeds. and his mouth says, "i guess i can go back to joni beard now" but his eyes say, "i love you, tony wonder."

and get real. that man is not about to go back to joni beard. not even a little bit. anyone who takes that statement at face value has clearly forgotten the context in which he was "with" joni beard in the first place. i mean come on. this is the least subtle thing in the history of television. the woman's surname is "beard" and her first name is "joni", a portmanteau of "gob" and "tony." TOBIAS FUNKE of all people looks at him funny when he says it! that was not a genuine relationship in the slightest. he is "going back to joni beard" in the same way that he "had sex last night(narrator: but he really didn't.)" or that starla "had all kinds of orgasms(narrator: actually, they just made out)". that is the type of statement that those in the trump administration would have referred to as "alternative facts."

and look. i could genuinely rant about this forever i'm realizing. but for those who happened to see my last post, yeah, the break between this paragraph and that last one is in fact the exact moment i decided to check the word count so far and discovered it to be well over 2,000. so i will be winding down now. but in conclusion basically what i am saying is that gob is not bisexual. he is gay. and if you want an arrested development character to headcanon as bisexual tony wonder is literally RIGHT THERE and makes infinitely more sense. ok that is it thank you for coming to my gob talk

[the-desolated-quill]

WandaVision: ‘Subverting’ Good Television - Quill’s Scribbles

(Spoilers for the first five episodes)

Hey everyone! Well... it’s been a while, hasn’t it? The last time I wrote a proper review or Scribble, people still thought the COVID crisis would be over within a month. The poor saps. But I thought that as a special way to mark this year’s Valentines Day, we could take a closer look at the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s shittiest power couple in their new Disney+ show WandaVision.

The first of many MCU spin-off shows that nobody asked for, broadcast exclusively on Disney’s totally unnecessary streaming platform, WandaVision is about everybody’s favourite whitewashed Nazi experiment and her red sexbot boyfriend as they try to fit into a suburban sitcom neighbourhood without arousing suspicion.

Yes, you read that correctly. The MCU has a sitcom now. My life is now complete.

Sarcasm aside, I was legitimately curious about WandaVision because of its unusual setting. And considering one of my most common criticisms of the MCU is its total lack of creativity, anything that’s even a little bit subversive is bound to attract my attention. Of course ‘subversive’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘good.’ I could hand you a canvas smeared with my own shit and call it subversive. That doesn’t necessarily make it good art. And that’s exactly what WandaVision is. A canvas smeared with shit.

So lets split this critical analysis/review/angry bitter rant into two distinct chapters. The first focusing on the plot and setting, and the second focusing on the characters. Okay? Okay.

Chapter 1: Bewitched

Critics seem to be utterly enamoured with the whole sitcom gimmick, and it is a gimmick. As far as I can tell from the episodes I’ve seen, the sitcom setting serves no real purpose whatsoever other than to make the show ‘quirky.’ Which I wouldn’t mind, believe it or not, if the show was actually funny. There’s just one problem. It’s not.

Now in some ways describing why a sitcom doesn’t work is often futile because comedy is largely subjective. What I find funny, you won’t necessarily find funny and vice versa. With WandaVision, however, I won’t have that problem. I can demonstrate to you precisely why WandaVision, objectively, isn’t funny. And it all comes down to one simple thing. The stakes. Or rather the complete and total absence of stakes.

The show makes it very clear from the beginning that none of what we’re seeing is real. The cheesy theme song, the era appropriate special effects (mostly. It’s actually very inconsistent), the joke commercials, and, in the case of the first two episodes, which are in black and white, the appearance of red lights and objects in Scarlet Witch’s general vicinity. (Gee, what a mystery this is).

Basically Wanda has brought Vision back from the dead and created this sitcom world for them to inhabit. I’ll explain the stupidity of this in Chapter 2. The point is none of this is real, and that has a negative effect on the comedy because the very nature of comedy is suffering. Take the plot of the first episode. Wanda and Vision have to prepare a dinner to impress Vision’s boss. If they fail, Vision could lose his job and the couple could be exposed as superheroes. If this were a normal sitcom, it would work. The stakes are clear and it would be satisfying to see the two struggle and overcome the odds. But here, we know it’s not real. If it’s not real, it means there’s no stakes. If there’s no stakes, it means there’s no suffering. If there’s no suffering, there’s no comedy.

It would be one thing if the unfunny sitcom stuff lasted for like the first ten minutes or so before making way for the actual plot, but it doesn’t. Oh no. It doesn’t even last for the first episode. Out of the five episodes I’ve watched, four of them are almost entirely about these unfunny, objectively flawed sitcom homages, each set in a different time period. The fifties, the sixties, and so on. And what’s worse is that nothing that happens in them is plot-relevant. That gets relegated to the last five minutes of an episode. So you’re forced to sit through twenty five minutes of boring slapstick and puns in order to catch even a whiff of actual story. Which begs the question... who is this for exactly? It can’t be entertaining to Marvel fans, who have to slog through all this pointless shit so they can figure out what the fuck is going on. Comedy fans may get a kick out of the sitcom pastiche at first, but after four episodes, surely the joke would wear thin. So why is it in here? Clearly someone in the writer’s room absolutely fell in love with the idea of doing a Marvel sitcom, but nobody put in any time or effort to figure out how it would work in context.

I cannot stress enough how bad the plotting of this series is. As I said, the vast majority of a thirty minute episode is about shitty sitcom plots that aren’t funny and don’t have any impact on the story, only to then tease you with a crumb of actual plot in order to keep you coming back for the next instalment. Admittedly it’s an effective strategy. I was more than ready to quit after Episode 2 until that beekeeper showed up out of the sewer (don’t ask. It’s not important). WandaVision essentially follows the Steven Moffat school of bad writing. String your audience along with the promise that things might get more interesting later on and that all the bullshit that came before will retroactively make sense by the end. Except, as demonstrated with BBC’s Sherlock, that doesn’t work. And even if it did, it wouldn’t justify wasting the audience’s fucking time. And that’s what the majority of WandaVision is. A waste of time.

The only episode that doesn’t follow the sitcom format is the fourth episode. Instead it basically exists to explain all the shit that happened before. The shit that the audience, frankly, are smart enough to figure out for themselves. Wanda created the sitcom world as a way of coping with the loss of Vision, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, we got it. Thanks. It doesn’t advance the plot or anything. It’s just a massive info-dump. But by far the lowest point was when Darcy (by far the most annoying character in the first Thor film and is just as obnoxious here) was sat in front of the TV, watching the sitcom and asking the same questions we were. Not even attempting to look for answers. Just reiterating what the audience is thinking. Like this is an episode of fucking Gogglebox.

In the end it becomes apparent why the series is structured the way that it is. It’s to hoodwink people into subscribing to Disney’s stupid streaming service. If you think about it, there was no reason for WandaVision to be a TV series other than to lure gullible fans in with a piece-meal story buried in a mountain of crap. This isn’t a TV show. It’s what is cynically known in the world of big business executives as ‘content.’ They’re not interested in entertaining the audience. Instead they crave ‘engagement’, which isn’t the same thing. Watching WandaVision is like staring into the void, waiting for something to happen, while Disney charge you for the privilege.

Chapter 2: I Love Lucy

So the plot sucks balls. What about the characters? Surely if Wanda and Vision are likeable at least, it’ll give us something to cling onto.

Well as I was watching the first episode, it suddenly hit me that I couldn’t remember anything that happened to them in previous films. I knew Vision died, but other than that, I couldn’t tell you significant plot details or their personalities or anything. Not a great start.

See, up until now, Vision and Scarlet Witch have been little more than background characters. So already there’s an uphill struggle to get us invested in their relationship, especially considering we haven’t actually seen that relationship develop. In Avengers: Age Of Ultron, Scarlet Witch is killing people because she’s pissed off about Tony Stark killing people (you work that one out) until all of a sudden she stops and joins the good guys because the script said so. Vision meanwhile is introduced as a convenient deus ex machina to beat Ultron and gets no real personality other than he’s a robot. Captain America: Civil War comes the closest to giving Wanda a story and personality of her own as it’s her actions that cause the Sokovia Accords to come into effect, but she never gets any real growth or payoff as the film is heavily focused on Cap and Iron Man’s penis measuring contest. And as for Vision, all he does in the film is accidentally cripple War Machine. No real character or arc there as such. And then we have Avengers: Infinity War, where Wanda and Vision are now sporadically in love and on the run until that pesky Josh Brolin, looking like a CGI cross between Joss Whedon and a grumpy grape, comes along and rips out Vision’s Infinity Stone to power up his golden glove of doom, and the film treats this like a tragic moment, except... it isn’t. Because we haven’t really had the time to properly get to know these characters and see their romance blossom. So instead it just comes off as hollow and forced.

WandaVision has the exact same problem. Apparently Wanda was so distraught about Vision’s death that she broke into a SWORD base, stole his corpse, brought it back from the dead... somehow, and then enslaved an entire town of people to create an idyllic lifestyle for her and her hubby while broadcasting it as a sitcom to the outside world... for some reason. Putting aside the dubious morality of it all, it’s impossible to really sympathise with Wanda or her supposed grief because we’ve barely spent any time with her. Had the Marvel movies taken the time to properly explore the characters and show us their relationship grow and develop, this might have had more emotional resonance. But no, it just happens. In one film they barely speak to each other and in the next they’re a couple. No effort to explore how they feel about each other or any of the problems that may arise trying to date a robot. It just happens and we’re just supposed to care. Well I’m sorry, but I don’t care. You’re going to have to try a little bit harder than that I’m afraid. What’s worse is that, thanks to the whole fake sitcom thing, it’s impossible to really become invested in Wanda and her plight because the show has to constantly keep us at arms length at all times in order to keep up the pretence that this bullshit is somehow mysterious.

Looking through the WandaVision tag, it amuses me how many people say that she’s acting out of character. And yeah, her actions are a bit of a head scratcher. Why would an Eastern European’s ideal life be an American sitcom? Why a sitcom? Why kidnap an entire town? Why keep changing the decade? None of it makes sense, but you’re wrong for thinking that Wanda is behaving out of character for the simple reason that Wanda has never actually had a character. In fact, ironically, Wanda mind controlling an entire town and forcing them to do her bidding is probably the one consistent thing about her as she did this in Age Of Ultron. In interviews, Elizabeth Olsen and Paul Bettany described how they used actors like Elizabeth Montgomery and Dick Van Dyke as influences, which is really funny because they’re straight up admitting they don’t have characters and even now they’re still not playing the characters, instead emulating the work of far better actors.

As I was watching the show, it became abundantly clear that not only do Marvel not have the faintest idea what they wanted to do with these characters, but they also straight up don’t give a shit about these characters. Wanda in particular has had a rough time under the tyrannical regime of the House of Mouse. First they cast Elizabeth Olsen, a white woman, to play a Romani character, then systematically erasing her Jewish roots, even going so far as to put a cross in her bedroom in Civil War, and now the character is being butchered even more by forcing her into an American sitcom housewife role that she apparently willingly chose for herself, which is laughable. I mean say what you like about Magneto in the X-Men films, at least they actually depicted his Jewish culture. At least they recognised his Jewish background was important (though not important enough to cast a Jewish actor apparently). Wanda’s steady cultural erasure over the years is incredibly insidious and judging by Olsen’s comments in interviews, where she called Wanda’s comic book outfit a quote ‘gypsy thing’ unquote, it seems nobody has an ounce of fucking respect for the character or the culture she’s supposed to be representing. (and to all those kissing her arse saying it was a slip of the tongue, she has been repeatedly called out for using the slur in the past, so at this point I’d describe her behaviour as wilful ignorance)

If you want further proof of how much Marvel doesn’t seem to care about Wanda, look no further than her brother Pietro, aka Quicksilver. At the end of Episode 5, Wanda brings Pietro back from the dead, except it’s not Pietro. It’s Peter Maximoff, the Quicksilver from the X-Men films played by Peter Evans, who coincidentally is not Jewish or Romani either. So Quicksilver has the dubious honour of not only being whitewashed three times, but also twice within the same franchise. But should we really be surprised at this point? It’s Marvel after all. The same company that whitewashed the Ancient One in Doctor Yellowface and claimed it wasn’t racist because Tilda Swinton is ‘Celtic’. But now I’m going off topic. My point is that this isn’t a simple case of recasting an actor like Mark Ruffalo replacing Edward Norton as the Hulk. WandaVision actually acknowledges the recast in-universe, which makes no sense. Why would Wanda bring back her brother, only to make him look like a different person? We the audience may be familiar with this version of Quicksilver, but she isn’t. That would be like me bringing my Grandad back to life and making him look like Ian McKellen. He’d be perfectly charming, I’m sure, but he wouldn’t be my Grandad. 

If Marvel really cared about the characters or narrative consistency, they would have brought Aaron Taylor Johnson back. Instead, now they have absorbed 20th Century Fox into the hellish Disney abyss, they use X-Men’s Quicksilver as a means to keep viewers from switching off and so that people will write stupid articles and think pieces about whether the rest of the X-Men will show up in the MCU. It’s like dangling your keys in front of a toddler’s face to distract them from the rotting corpse of a raccoon lying face down in the corner of the room.

And it’s here where I decided to stop watching the show because fuck Disney.

Epilogue: One Foot In The Grave

You know, I am sick and tired of the so called ‘professional’ critics bending over backwards to praise these god awful films and shows when it’s so clear to anyone with a functioning brain cell how bad they truly are. WandaVision is without a doubt one of the most cynically produced and poorly structured TV shows I’ve ever seen. Its riffs on classic sitcoms are pointless and self-indulgent, the writing is terrible, the characters are unlikable and unsympathetic, and it’s entirely emblematic of what the entire MCU has become of late. And it’s only going to get worse as Disney drowns us with more ‘content’ to keep the plebs ‘engaged’. In short; pathetic.

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 01

(Masterpost) (Next Episode)

Warning: This is **FULL **of spoilers, not just for this episode but for the entire series. If you haven’t finished all 50 episodes, please don’t read it! 

Intro: 2020 continues to be much much too much while also being incredibly boring, and Im done with Shen Wei’s Lewks, so now I’m doing a deep meta dive into the Untamed. Let’s roll! 

Prologue: The Battle of Mordor

The Demise of our Protagonist

Unlike some other shows I won’t name, The Untamed kills its suicidal queer protagonist immediately, rather than waiting four seasons, so we know what we're in for. 

This is Wei Wuxian, who is about to yeet himself off of a cliff. He is having a bad day. 

Note: if mouth blood bothers you...C-Drama might not be your thing. 

Reasons for mouth blood: a sampler

Anyway...cliff time

Note: if (fictional) suicide bothers you...C-Drama might not be your thing. 

To be fair there are hardly any suicides in The Untamed. No more than ...five? As long as you don’t count the entire population of the Wen Corporate Headquarters in Yiling or those wall bandits in Qinghe or Madame Yu or all those Wens who supposedly threw themselves into the mud puddle or that Mo guy who broke his own neck. Plus watching Wei Wuxian’s cliff drop several more times from multiple angles. So, you know. Hardly Any Suicides. 

This is Lan Wangji, who is about to have his first losing encounter with physics. He is having a bad day.

In fact, if it is possible to have a worse day than the guy who is currently falling to his death, Lan Wangji is having that.

This is Jiang Cheng, who is feeling extra stabby from this camera angle. He is having a bad day.

Camera operator: why you gotta take it out on me? 

(Much, much more after the cut!)

The Amulet Situation

This is the Stygian Tiger Amulet. Yes, by all means, (Netflix) subtitles, let's use a 12-dollar word, “Stygian,” that every English speaker who is not a Shelley/Byron shipper will have to look up. Let’s not use a normal word like "deathly" or "corrupt" or you know... "Yin" which is clearly what they are saying on screen.

Why does this tiger amulet look like a chameleon crossed with a remora? Wei Wuxian can paint photorealistic bunnies on a flimsy lantern while sitting in a field having distracting teenage lust, but two months of meditating with super magic gets him a tiger that looks like a chameleon. And don’t try telling me this is a traditional-Chinese-art vibe because this jade tiger from frickin 1000 BCE is way more tigerish than Wei Wuxian’s attempt. 

Try harder next time, Wei Wuxian.

This is thousands of cultivators having a battle.  What do you mean, it looks like about 40-60 dudes?

 Any time someone in The Untamed refers to a number of people, it is like when you do your high school play and look off into the wings at nothing and say “Hark, A Ship Approaches!” and everyone’s parents nod indulgently.

Jin Clan Mountain Hunt:

*viewership nods indulgently*

This is Captain Blowhard, over on the right, courtesy name Clan Leader Yao. His job is to talk smack about Wei Wuxian and stick up for whoever is the biggest asshole in any given scene.  

He represents mainstream cultivation-world values so here he is shanking one of his allies to take the deadly amulet of evilness.

The Present Day

Spilling All That Yiling Laozu Tea

Down at the Exposition Tea Shop, the Lan juniors are chilling and listening to Tea Dude tell the story of Yiling Laozu. 

How did they get permission to take this field trip? “Principal Qiran, we want to go downtown to hang out with the local rabble and learn about your favorite person, Wei Wuxian.”

Waiting in the wings is the man with a fan and a plan, Nie Huaisan(g), who is paying tall loot to get these stories told.  

...Why? Is Mo Xuanyu having tea here and listening? Or is Wei Wuxian being summoned back by hearing all this smack being talked about him? *Shrug.*

Gank Your Soul

Drunk flag guy out here talking about spirits. Wikipedia tells me that In one school of Daoist thought, a human being has a collection of physical souls (魄 pò) and ethereal souls (魂 hún). Drunk flag guy is saying “hún ” at the moment. 

The many types of souls don’t translate well into English, where spiritual vocabulary has always been shackled connected to Christian beliefs, and is too limited for this context. So when the subtitles have conversations like “Is it a soul eater? No, no, it’s a spirit taker!” just roll with it. (Speaking of hún, if you have any interest in linguistics, do yourself a favor and go read all the wonderful meta @hunxi-guilai​)

The spirit-carrying flag looks a lot like Raava and Vaatu from Korra which...probably doesn’t mean anything.

The Demise of our Trill Host

Suicide #2 happens about 8 minutes in. 

Mo Xuanyu is that hippie roommate with the annoying wind chimes and bead curtains and blood spatter.

He is super mad at his terrible family and also at Jin Guangyao, who sent him home to his terrible family. I wonder if Fan Man Nie Huaisang influenced Jiggy’s decision-making there. Mo Xuanyu’s choice to die for revenge might be excessive, given how easy it actually is to murder the Mo family.

Being Alive Is Fine I Guess As Long As I Get To Fuck WIth People

Wei Wuxian starts his new life by splashing a little water on his face, which instantly makes his hair go from this

to this. 

He looks at his reflection and wishes he was dead, which--mood--but he gets over it as soon as he finds someone whose day he can fuck up.

And he is ALL in on being crazy. 

OP wishes she had the Wei Wuxian kind of crazy instead of the kind she actually has. 

Meanwhile, this is the sane Mo cousin:

This asshole is wearing one of the best fabrics in the whole show, incidentally. Asshole.

My favorite bit of Wei-Mo craziness is when Wei Wuxian does a meaningless 360 all the way around this dude before ducking in the opposite direction, which is like when I make 4 right turns around a whole block to avoid making a single left across traffic.

Perhaps I Do Miss One Thing In This Life

Wei Wuxian has pining thoughts about Lan Wangji, so he plays WangXian on a fucking blade of grass well enough for Sizhui to recognize it from his dad's guqin jams. 

Wei Wuxian is a better flautist than even Inspector Gadget BeatBoxing Flute Guy (Google it).

Our Many Many Spirit Lure Flags have Lured A Spirit, Oh Shit

Lan Clan has a Plan and Wei Wuxian is a Fan

Having one single lure flag stuck in Wen Ning’s torso caused spirits to basically eat him alive, so to catch one evil spirit, 6 disciples holding flags on the roof plus 8 more flags on the ground seems like a good amount. Wei Wuxian is like “yep, a single one of these will lure every spirit for five miles, carry on, younglings.”

Baxia Does the Heavy Lifting

Wei Wuxian is supposed to kill four people because of this curse situation, and in the course of the series they all die, and he kills exactly zero of them. The curse on Wei Wuxian’s arm should be called the scorekeeper curse. 

Baxia’s spirit pinballs around the Mo clan, rapidly killing three people on Mo Xuanyu’s list plus a couple extras for good measure.  Who's a good blade? Baxia is! Yess you are! Yes you are!

This here is the exact point in the show where your friend, who has listened to you squee about The Untamed for three months and finally agreed to watch it with you, will say “what the fuck am I watching?” and try to get up off the couch. Tackle them! 

This also the point where we all realize that the prosthetic and practical effects in this show were probably not made by the people who made the clothing, because the quality is...variable. The white eyeballs are pretty good, but the glove of death is ridiculous.

Camera operator: why you gotta take it out on me?

While Baxia goes to town on the Mo clan, the Lan Clan babies...watch? And tie up the various victims after they are already goners. 

Narrator: Her son is dead.

Meanwhile, 

Wei Wuxian, you motherfucker. You’ve been alive for like 7 hours and you’re already building a new zombie army. No wonder you don’t want them to call Lan Wangji.

Hanguang-Jun Cut It Up One Time

Lan Wangji shows up and very slowly kicks zombie ass with his guqin. If you are used to Hong Kong action speeds, you will find The Untamed very peaceful.

 All of the baby Lans fan squee up at Lan Wangji like he's the cultivation world's David Bowie and...they're not wrong. Jesus Fuck, he’s charismatic.

Lan Wangji is soft boi when he discovers this murderous sword full of dead-bastard energy, because it reminds him of his true love.

Like the talk about souls, the conversations about the nature of the murderous entity really don’t survive translation into English.

Servant: it’s a ghost! 

WWX: it’s not a ghost, it’s a spirit

Babies: It’s a spirit

LWJ: it’s not a spirit, it’s a [...] ghost

Our Protagonist gets the FOH

Wei Wuxian is soft boi when he sees Lan Wangji, but not so soft that he considers actually, like, sticking around. 

Wei Wuxian is also clueless boi, noting Lan Wangji’s white clothing and thinking, as in the past, that he looks like he’s dressed in mourning. The term he uses is 戴孝, which google tells me means the type of outfit worn by Jiang Yanli after Wen Ning rips her husband’s heart out someone who is in mourning. 

Actually, Wei Wuxian, you dumbass, he is in actual mourning, actually, for you. Dumbass. He probably packed away all of his blue outer robes 16 years ago and only takes them out occasionally to reminisce about that nice date you had on your mountain of corpses. 

On his way out the door Wei Wuxian manages to find a red ribbon for his beautiful hair, so things are looking up. 

Where to go next...hey I know, how about that one haunted mountain with the killer statue, you know, the one that all my executed friends and child came from? That’ll be fun and a great way to put the past behind me!

Episode 02 Restless Rewatch is here!