#context: i say this as someone who is preparing to go through the process of disability for a mixture of mental health reasons & pan

[fiapple]

the tags on this post elaborate, so i deeply encourage reading them, but there has to be more acknowledgment that mental illness can be a disability for some people. Anything from depression to personality disorders to schizophrenia can disable a person insofar as making them unable to function. It does a disservice both to those who are disabled by their mental health & those who feel their physical &/or neurological disabilities are inextricably interlinked to their mental health experientially to pretend otherwise.

[literaryuppsala]

Hello ❤ got a request. Can you please write about reader that used to be married to rollo and one day he just fucks off without telling the reader. Years later he got informed that the reader had gotten pregnant and that it was his child. Rollo wants to go back to be with his "family" but to do that he has to go through a trail of sorts. He agrees to it without knowing what it is. The trail being, him chained to the bed and having to watch as the reader gets fucked by everybody of the ragnarson family. He is close enough where he can hear and see everything but he is not allowed to touch the reader. And at the end he found out that the reader has gotten remarried to ubbe/bjorn/maybe even ragnar??? And that his child doesn't even know him and he gets kicked out 🤤😌

You can choose to do either just the men of the family including ragnar cause I want to see rollo suffer or you can choose to have the mothers/ wives with them.if you want to, have the reader blind folded so she has to guess who it is ❤

Basically make rollos life hell 😂

What a ride... I guess I never wrote something like that, I am THRIVING, it's filthy, it's messy, has a lot of fluids, and dude it took me forever to finish, like always... Anyways, I hope you like it AND YOU WATCHED THE PROCESS SO BE NICE TO ME! Thank you for your ask babe, have fun you pervert.

Warnings: ALL OF THE WARNINGS POSSIBLE, it's complete filth, pure smut, but with a little plot, not a lot, just a little to give context.

Minors, stay the hell away from this one, I'm not joking.

Sweet like justice, karma is a queen.

You were very young when you first met Ragnar and his brother Rollo. Your eyes crossed paths with them on one of their first meetings with your father, Horik. They were handsome, strong warriors, such a sight when you first saw them, caught your attention very quickly. The meetings ended up with an alliance, Horik and Ragnar decided to raid together in England, returning to Norway filled with treasures and a promise of land. 

A feast was prepared to celebrate, the treasures were shared between everyone but Rollo wanted something else, he wanted more. You didn’t mind at first when his eyes caught yours in the middle of the night, didn’t mind when he approached you and offered a cup of ale, you talked until everyone else was already passed out around you and you ended up in his bed that night. 

You really thought he loved you, he proposed to your father who gladly accepted and you married him just a few months later that night. He moved you to Kattegat, bought you a house and introduced you to his family until It became yours. But things changed, he changed. One day you heard about a woman he had in his life, someone he loved but died years before, and you thought that was the reason, that he couldn’t love you completely because part of his heart died with her and you learned to live like that. 

But Rollo was a different man, to be married to him wasn’t easy, he was demanding, ambitious, always thought he should be doing greater things, that he should be bigger. After years of marriage he became very distant and despite having his way with you every night, you were never able to conceive, you thought to yourself that something was wrong with you, that the gods made you that way and that was another reason for your husband to treat you like that. 

“I went to see the healer.” You told him one night. “She gave me a few herbs that can help.”  

“The gods cursed me.” He mumbled. “An empty woman who can not give me any child.” 

Ragnar was the one to always cheer you up, saying that you weren’t the problem, but his brother. He wouldn’t make a good father, he’d say, the gods won’t give him a child to raise. You never told Rollo about these conversations, he hated his brother and the fact that after Horik’s death, he became the king, something he thought belonged to himself. 

 “Your brother was looking for you.” You warned him as you put his plate in front of him at the table. 

“He came here?” He asked without looking at you. 

“Yes, he said It was important.” You continued. “I think it is about going back to Frankia.” You sat in front of him. “You should take me this time.” 

“No.” He answered simply. 

“Why not?” 

“It’s dangerous, and you have no business in Frankia.” 

“I’m a shieldmaiden Rollo, I wasn't made to sit back at home and take care of your children.” 

“What children? You haven’t given me any.”

They left to Frankia the next morning, Rollo left without saying a single word to you and something in your heart broke that day. Months later they came back, you were at the pier waiting, your baby bump showing and a big smile on your face, a few days after their departure you found out you were with child, and you couldn’t wait to tell Rollo about It. But as the ship docked, your smile died on your face. 

“Where is he?” You asked when Ragnar stood in front of you, his hand immediately touching your belly. He didn’t answer, but you knew, he stayed there. 

Later you learned Ragnar was betrayed by Rollo and defeated by Frankia’s army and the last news he had before leaving was about his marriage with a princess. Rollo had abandoned you without a second thought. 

Years later, you grew accustomed to a new life, your son was already five years old and growing stronger each day. Ragnar took care of you, accepting you in his house, he protected you and your child, who he named after one of his good friends, Leif, and he loved your boy, after his own boys grew into strong men, to have yours running around gave him life and so did you. 

You weren’t blind to Ragnar’s affection towards you, after Aslaug’s death he didn’t have anyone in his life except for you and despite being a sight for sore eyes, you weren’t interested on the men in Kattegat, but both of you never tried anything, maybe you felt wrong about that even though Rollo was gone for so long. However, he wasn’t the only one, Bjorn and Ubbe, Hvitserk and Ivar, and even Sigurd, all had soft spots for you, but you brushed it off and ignored it as something simple as a crush. 

One night, without a warning, a ship docked at the pier. People let Ragnar know about it, and he went there with both Bjorn and Ubbe, just to find a ship from Frankia, from where Rollo jumped. He frowned, confused by his brother’s presence, Rollo looked into his eyes and swallowed hard.

With a grunt Ragnar turned around, silently nodding for his sons to grab Rollo by his arms and drag him to the great hall. As soon as they got there, Ragnar took his place in his throne and Rollo was thrown on his knees, at his feet. You heard the noise from your bedroom in the back and walked towards It, standing in shock when you finally saw the man. Rollo seemed old, his once dark brown hair was filled with gray strands, so was his beard, he widened his eyes as soon as they met yours. 

“Mama!” You heard Leif’s voice and heard his footsteps running towards you, looking for you. He hugged your legs as soon as he found you. You grabbed him in your arms, Rollo’s eyes focused on the boy and a tiny smile showed up on his face, but that was quickly wiped by a punch, thrown by Bjorn. 

“Don’t look at him.” He grunted angrily. 

It didn’t take long for Ivar and Hvitserk to join you in the great hall, none of them seemed happy to see the man in front of them, neither were you. 

“What are you doing here?” Ragnar rasped.

“I want to come back…” He mumbled. 

“Seems funny… After all these years…” 

“I have every right to be here, to be with my family.”

“The family you abandoned…” 

“I’m here now.” 

“You say this like you’re some sort of treasure we should be proud to gain. Tell me, Rollo, what happened in Frankia to make you want to come back?” 

“I heard about my son, I want to know him.”

You hugged your son, like you could protect him from Rollo’s prying eyes.

“He’s not yours.” You growled. “He’s mine, only mine. Didn’t your princess give you any sons?” 

“Brother…” Rollo looked at Ragnar. 

“Don’t talk to him, talk to me, I’m the wife you abandoned!” You insisted but lowered his head again. “This is unbelievable…”

“I want to prove myself.” He answered. “To you…” He looked at Ragnar then moved to you. “And to you.” He sighed. “To the gods… I deserve that!”

It took a few minutes of silence between all of you, Rollo looking around searching for any sign of kindness, but you weren’t one to pity that man, not after everything he put you through. 

“Take Leif to the back.” Ragnar told you. “And come back here.” 

You didn’t understand at first, but nodded and took your son to your bedroom, asking one of the servants to stay there with him. 

“Don’t leave until I come back.” You told her under your breath, locking her inside. 

When you came back you found Rollo tied up to a chair in the middle of the great hall, Ragnar was standing in front of him while his sons waited behind him. He looked over his shoulders and offered his hand to you, you frowned but took it, walking until you were standing by his side. 

Ragnar grabbed you by your waist, startling you who quickly wrapped your arms around his neck for support when he took you in his arms, bride style, taking you to the nearest table, he sat you there, taking his place between your legs. 

“Do you trust me?” He asked under his breath, only for you to hear. 

“I do.” You whispered shyly and he smiled.

Ragnar took a cloth from his pocket and covered your eyes, your breath caught on your throat and you sighed heavily. You felt his hand feather touching your face before moving away from your body and you immediately felt the absence of his warmth. The next thing you felt was a pair of hands on your thighs and a warm breath against your cheeks, before you noticed, someone kissed you. 

The kiss was feverish, filled with a hunger you never experienced before, you’ve never been kissed like that. Teeth and tongue, saliva gathering on the corners of your mouth, a pair of hands meeting the base of your spine pulling you closer to the edge of the table, his thighs between yours keeping your legs open. He stopped the kiss to murmur against your lips.

“Waited so long to do this.”

You recognized Ragnar’s voice before he kissed you again, your mind spinning when your hands met his hips, unconsciously pulling him into you. His hands roamed down your shoulders taking down the sleeves of your dress. You felt a little self conscious and your body tensed, Ragnar distracted you by taking his kisses down your neck and collarbones, making you shiver. A “what’s this…” growled by Rollo sounded in the back of your mind and something twisted inside you, you felt excited.

Ragnar kept kissing down your chest, taking down your dress until your breasts were exposed, your breath hitched and your nipples hardened on the cold of the great hall. His mouth latched at your nipple, sucking on the little nub, your hands met the back of his head and you pressed his face against your chest, wanting more of that sensation. He did the same to the other nipple, using his hand to knead at the free breast.

Between your legs, Ragnar found the skirts of your dress, raising everything up your waist “Open your legs for me.” He asked against your lips and you obeyed, suddenly he moved away from you and stood by your side, your pussy now in full display for Rollo’s widened eyes. 

“What are you doing?” Rollo asked with gritted teeth. 

“What do you think?” Ragnar asked back, one hand grabbing a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back and making you whine. “I’m gonna fuck your wife.” 

With that being said, Ragnar kneeled in front of you, hands rubbing on your calves before putting them on his shoulders. His lips brushed against the side of your inner thighs, his beard scratching the soft skin as he peppered kisses all around until he shoved his face into your bare pussy, licking from your hole to your clit. Your back arched and you gasped, putting your arms behind your back, on the table, for some support, throwing your head back. 

Ragnar was something else while he was eating you out, with a little crowd watching, he wanted to  give them a show. With his face buried into your cunt, he was nosing onto your clit while teasing your hole with the tip of his tongue, then he worked through your folds, long and slow licks like he was savoring you, drinking from you. You suppressed a moan, still self conscious of the others presence surrounding you, earning yourself a low grunt that sent vibrations through your core and a harsh slap on your thighs.

Rollo’s eyes were glued to your body, he was growling under his breath, trying to get rid of the straps binding him to that chair. Ragnar moaned right into your pussy, he moved his tongue quickly and you started to grind your hips on his face, gripping his hair and pulling it slightly. His beard was scratching against the soft skin of your pussy, you could feel it rubbing against you painfully while he started sucking on your clit.

Your moans became louder, your hips moved on its own accord, your body was working on automatic, the knot on lower belly forming and tightening. Suddenly, two of his fingers were knuckles deep into your warmth, thrusting up inside you and you gasped: ‘Ragnar’ knowing damn well Rollo was listening to you. Ragnar could feel your walls clenching around his fingers, so he increased his pace, dragging more mewls from your mouth until the knot finally snapped and you groaned loudly. 

Ragnar stood up, turning on his side to stare at a nervous Rollo, his face glistening with your slick, he sucked his fingers clean off your juices and cleaned his mouth with the back of his hand. Moving away from between your legs, he held your chin, your fucked out face on full display for his brother’s sight. 

“Open your legs.” He ordered again, and you obeyed, showing off your puffy cunt. “Did you miss this, brother? Did your princess have a better one?”  

Once again he was between your legs, shimming out of his slacks and pulling his cock out. His hands quickly held the back of your thighs and pulled you further to the edge of the table, his tip featherly touching your hole making you whine. 

“See, Rollo…” He grabbed the base of his cock, rubbing it against your pussy and coating himself in your juices. “I don’t think you could ever have anything better.” He pushed himself in and both of you moaned in unison, fresh slick leaking out of you to coat his length. 

Ragnar threw his head back, closing his eyes as he felt your warm walls engulfing him, sinking into you slowly until he’s fully sheathed. He pulled back completely just to slam inside you again, he did that slowly a few times, like he was savoring every inch of you, until he was thrusting up inside you and he didn’t hold back. Holding your hips with one of his hands, the other met the space between your breasts, pushing you back until you laid down on the table. You whined, wrapping your legs around his waist to bring him closer.

“Gods…” You moaned, holding onto the table like your life depended on it. 

With your eyes covered, you felt everything more intensely, Ragnar’s body on you, picking up the pace until he was pounding hard into you, knocking the breath out of your lungs with every thrust. You clenched down on him and he gasped, hand squeezing your hip hard while the other kneaded on your breasts that bounced with every movement of your body. 

When he felt your thighs starting to tremble, he brought his hand to your aching pussy and found your clit, making quick work of your bundle of nerves with the tip of his fingers. You moaned again, loudly, feeling your orgasm approaching you, the knot on your lower belly starting to form. 

“Let go for me.” He begged under his breath. 

With a particular hard thrust the knot snapped, triggering Ragnar’s own release as he pushed himself to a hilt, his body tensing as both of you panted heavily. He leaned forward for a moment spreading kisses all over your stomach before moving away from between your legs, putting his trousers back and holding one of your knees to keep you wide open, his cum dripping from your pussy, onto the table and on the floor. 

“That was...” Ragnar mumbled, three little slaps on your knee had you sitting up straight. 

“Can I-Can I go now?” You heard as Rollo begged.

“What? No…” You felt when Ragnar moved away and heard some shifting around you, the thrilling feeling of not knowing what to expect had your pussy throbbing with need in a way It never did before. “We’re only getting started.”

You gulped, scared about what he meant, but excited at the same time. Next thing you knew, the space between your legs was occupied again, a bulky, slightly familiar body stood there like it belonged there, you shifted on your place, not able to close your legs and feeling again self conscious of your own nudity. 

“Ragnar…” You mumbled under your breath, a pair of hands touched the sides of your face before you were kissed. 

Even though you felt familiarity within the act, that wasn’t Ragnar, that kiss was different, passionate, but still unsure, It felt like he was claiming a new territory. His beard scratched the soft skin on your face, his teeth nipped at your lower lip, you couldn’t help but open up to let him in, you held his face and kissed him back. 

“Can I do this?” He mumbled against your lips and you recognized Bjorn’s voice. You gasped, surprised. 

“Bjorn…” You whispered, your hands started to shake. 

“I’ll be gentle.” He assured you, one of his hands touching the side of your face. “I promise.” 

You felt your heart sinking to your stomach, like it was beating there, the blood in your veins ran fast and your body quivered, your mind was spinning, when his hands found the swell of your pussy you whined in his mouth, turning your head to the side giving him room to work on your neck. Bjorn sucked and nipped your skin like an artist painting his masterpiece, taking his sweet time while his fingers worked through your cum wet folds. 

He didn’t seem bothered by the fact that another man just fucked you minutes ago, by the feeling of it, he seemed turned on. Two of his fingers entered you when his mouth found your perky nipple and you moaned, arching your back offering him more of your chest. You were overstimulated from your previous orgasm and the sensations Bjorn was bringing to you, your peak wouldn’t take long so you clenched around his fingers and worked your hips in sync with his movements. With his thumb he started to nurse on your clit, rubbing the small bead in tight circles until you came on his fingers, a loud, long moan filling the great hall. 

Bjorn wasted no time after this, you felt him standing up and shimming out of his trousers, sinking into you in one swift motion. You gasped, not used to the way he stretched you out, and threw your head back, making room for him to kiss on your neck. He sheathed inside you, not pulling out immediately, just grinding against your hips first, his hip bone teasing your clit. 

You wrapped your legs around his waist and arched your back, leaning back over your hands. He used both of his hands to grab your breasts then leaned forward to catch one of your nipples with his mouth, sucking on the perky buds. It was messy. Wet with your own arousal and Ragnar’s cum, you could feel it dripping from your core. 

Slowly, Bjorn pulled out completely, just to thrust back in. He did this a few times, dragging soft mewls from your mouth. With his hand between your breasts he made you lay down on the table once more, picking up his pace. You held onto the table while he started to rut against you with full force, your body jolting back and forth. His mouth was skillful on your nipple, going from one to the other and still using his hands. 

“You feel so good…” He mumbled, one of his hands leaving your breasts and quickly finding your clit. 

You moaned loudly. With two of his fingers he pinched your clit, then dragged his finger around in tiny circles. The pressure on your belly started to build and you squeezed your eyes shut, even though you weren’t actually with them open to start with. Your mind could only focus on his movements, you clenched around his cock and he growled, speeding up his fingers and his thrusts. Bjorn was fucking the air out of your lungs as he fucked you like his life was on the line, his cock throbbed inside you, the sound of skin slapping against skin was filling the great hall and was so loud. 

“Enough.” 

Somewhere, on the back of your mind, you heard Rollo’s beg, but as your climax approached you could only think of this. Bjorn’s thrusts started to falter, he became sloppier as he chased his own release and you were right behind him, feeling the pressure on your body finally explode. You came around his cock, clenching down on him with a wanton moan. He came right after you, feeling you to the brim with his seed, grunting raspily. 

He wobbled away from you and you whined at the sudden emptiness. He leaned against the table trying to catch his own breath, eyes still on your fucked out body on the table. Unconsciously, your hands went to the cloth on your eyes, almost getting out of the way but a cold hand on yours stopped you. You whined impatiently but before you had the chance to complain, the same hand grabbed a handful of your hips, dragging you out of the table until you stood on the ground.

There was this silence, the only thing in your mind being the amount of pleasure going through your veins, you could feel your heart hammering against your ribcage, your breathing uneven, chest rising and falling rapidly while you tried to ease your body. Your hands traveled to the body in front of you, holding his shoulders while he kept his firm on your hips. 

You had no idea who he was, you felt his body against yours, the familiar scent you were used to feeling but couldn’t recognize him. His hips met yours and you felt his hard cock against your core, making you moan. Taking your face with both of his hands he kissed you. His kiss was calm, soft even, nothing like the sexual spiral you just got out of. His hands explored the sides of your body with care, like you would vanish from his sight at any moment. 

The mess between your legs made you painfully aware of what just happened, either way his fingers found their way to your core, his tips exploring your folds, he coated his fingers in the your slick, the mixed cum inside your pussy, then he pushed his middle one all the way in, til he was knuckle deep inside you. You sobbed and threw your head back when he started to kiss down your jaw so you could give him more space.

His kisses met your neck, he circled your clit and that made you jerk in response. Suddenly his fingers were inside your mouth and you whined at the taste on your tongue. You started sucking on his fingers, obscenely licking through it and he groaned when under his breath, you licked him clean.

He stretched you out with his fingers, pumping in and out of you as he kissed down your chest, your body arching, right thigh rising up his waist opening up a little more for him. He curled his fingers up finding your sweet spot and making you see stars behind your eyelids. You started to grind down on his fingers while the sound of your moans resonated around the great hall. He licked down your collarbones and your legs started to shake, you felt yourself getting closer and closer to the edge. 

You felt like your body was on fire, shaking violently until the knot snapped and your orgasm hit you like a punch. You  clenched hard on his fingers, body falling limp on the table, but before you had the chance to ride your own high, your body was pushed and turned around, your back hitting his chest, you could feel his hard cock on your behind, listening while he struggled with his trousers, pulling down his legs til the middle of his thighs, just enough to free his cock from its confines. He teased you with the tip between your ass cheeks and you teased back, grinding on his hips, silently begging for him to just slide in. 

He lined his cock to your wet folds, enticing another moan from you and then he pushed in, his tip stretching your walls. You gasped, fingers holding the table for support while you felt him sliding only a few more inches in. His hand rubbed up your back until he grabbed the nape of your neck, you grunted feeling him leaning your body forward, your breasts pressed against the head of the table while he started to thrust up into you. 

He was fully inside you when he used his free hand to pinch on your clit, making your body jolt, your walls fluttered around him, a choked whine slipped through your lips as he went deeper. He picked up his pace quickly, hands now on your shoulders tugging your body back to meet his thrusts, your body trembling when you felt the pleasure building up once again, extremely sensitive from everything that already happened to you. You both moaned loudly, he was lost on you just like you were on him, every thrust was powerful and deep, stroking every nerve ending inside your pussy. His hips slapped against yours, the table shaking with his movements. 

“Gods…” You cried out, feeling the pressure on your lower belly. 

He cursed under his breath, feeling your walls clenching hard around his length, his own climax coming through while you felt the first impact of your orgasm. Your entire body froze as he fucked you through the haze, coming inside you a few seconds later. 

“That’s your idea of punishment?” Rollo growled, his voice far away like It was in another room, your mind still dizzy with pleasure. “Are you punishing me or her?” 

“Her?” Ragnar scoffed. “I’m not punishing her, brother. Watch It… She likes it. She wanted It.” 

You felt a pair of hands wrapping around your waist and your body was gently sat on the table again, the mess between your legs just growing by the minute, staining the soft skin of your thighs and leaving you slightly bothered. A kiss on your forehead had you trembling even more, so you raised your hand trying to hold his.

“Who…?” You couldn’t finish the phrase, but your hand was softly removed and you were left alone. 

“It’s done, I’m done!” Rollo tried one more time.

You heard Rollo’s begs one more time, his voice was shaky and you imagined his face. If you remembered correctly at this point he would be all red and sweaty and your tummy twisted with excitement, you shouldn’t like this as much as you were.  

“Well… We’re not.” Ragnar answered carefully. 

For a moment nothing happened, you sat there with your body trembling. The line between pleasure and pain was thin and your body had started to complain about It. Suddenly you felt someone taking the place between your legs one more time but despite being so tired, your mind seemed to have other plans, your skin prickled at the warmth engulfing you, another familiar scent wrapping your whole body. 

He didn’t waste any time, he kissed you… Kissed you like he craved you, feverishly. His lips moved in sync against yours while his hands roamed through your sweaty body. You wrapped your arms around his neck, hugged him with your legs feeling his hard cock against your abused cunt. You were too sensitive, your body was hot all over, and even though It was telling you It couldn’t take it any longer, your fucked out brain wanted more. 

You grinded against his hips and started to fumble with his trousers until you freed his cock from its confines. You grabbed at his length and he moaned in your mouth, waiting for you to align the head of his cock against the pulsing entrance of your pussy and you cried out at the new intrusion, feeling incredibly sore. 

Overwhelmed by pleasure, you started to grind against his hips again, urging him to fuck you. With both of his hands on your hips, he set an excruciatingly slow rhythm, distracting you with his mouth on your neck, he started to paint your skin in dark bruises. You cried again, threw your head back while letting your hands on his shoulders, digging your nails into his shoulders to anchor yourself, like his body was the only thing keeping you grounded, keeping you from floating away. 

With one of his hands, he started to play with your clit, massaging the sensitive nub between his fingers, dragging more mewls from your lips, making you writhe against his strong grip. His cock was unrelenting, picking up his pace as he started to fuck you hard and deep, your sensitivity only amplifying the waves of pleasure that crossed your veins. Your pussy fluttered around his length and he knew you were close, hips bucking to meet his thrusts, the spongy head of his cock was pressing directly against your g-spot and you moaned loudly. 

You felt his hand snaking up your chest until it found your neck and he pressed for a moment, your breath hitched, caught up in your throat and you clenched down on him. You got lightheaded and his thrusts became sloppier, you could feel he got lost in yourself very quickly and arousal twisted in your stomach, you felt flattered. 

He gave a chucked off groan and for a moment you imagined who it could be, which one of them was fucking you this time, the great hall was filled with his grunts and the wet squelch of your pussy. 

“Faster… Please…” You managed to mumble. 

Your pussy was clenching desperately around his cock and he was throbbing inside you, he was close too, you could feel it. He fucked you hard and faster until he sheated tightly into your pussy holding you in place as he came, triggering your own orgasm. You came so hard your mind went blank, your body spasmed and you went limp in his arms. He held you strongly so you wouldn’t fall, your head on his shoulders as you breathed heavily. He rubbed your back for a minute before he pulled out and after making you sure you were firm, sitting on the table, he left. 

“I-I… Ragnar…” You raised your hand blindly and seconds later you felt his fingers intertwined with yours.

“You’re doing great for me, my love.” He whispered, lips on your sweaty forehead. “Can you give me one more?”

“I don’t know…” You breathed.

“I know you can, you’re my good girl, aren’t you?” He kissed your lips. “Give me one more so we can take care of you.” 

We. You noticed the weird choice of word and felt him when he kissed your knuckles. We. What did he mean by that? Your thoughts were cloudy when his warmth surrounded you again, he picked you up in his arms and you immediately wrapped yours around his neck, laying down your face on his shoulders, letting him carry you wherever. 

Ragnar sat you down on someone’s lap, when you felt a pair of shaky legs right under your body and nervous hands wrapping around your waist. He turned you around, made you put one of your knees on each side of that body and just like that he left. There was a nervous silence between you two, but you were close enough to feel his shaky breath against your cheeks. 

Suddenly, he used one of his hands to take off your blind fold, you blinked your tears away, trying to get used to the new brightness. You focused on the image in front of you and met Ivar’s widened eyes staring back at you. Ivar was nervous, but you could sense his arousal in the way that he watched you, intently following down your body, from your face to your collar bones and your chest, your soft belly and your exposed core, he gulped. 

You stayed like that for a moment, only looking at each other like you were trying to read each other’s minds, you almost forgot about the little crowd watching you two but as his eyes wandered over your shoulders you were reminded. 

“C-Can I kiss you?” He stuttered and you nodded dumbfounded. His lips touched yours slightly, shaky and cold, you didn’t kiss him back at first, then he pulled back, looking at you with a frown and a little pout. “You don’t want to…”

“No!” You were quick to respond. “I want to. I really want to, Ivar.” You reassured him and his expression softened.

You cradled his face between your hands and kissed him, this time deeply, your tongue teasing his as you felt his hands pressing on waist, pressing your body down. When you pulled away, he was gone, glossy eyes staring back at you as he choked out a whimper, following your face with his eyes still closed, reaching for your lips. 

He sighed and opened his eyes, he frowned again, so impatient. You touched his lips with your thumb, fluffy and wet from your last kiss and he licked the tip, you shuddered. Being that close he seemed so young to you, kinda lost in his own feelings and sensations, so different from the Ivar you knew, he always seemed so sure of himself. 

Ivar opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but as you rolled your hips down his lap he gasped, that seemed to erase every trace of thought in his head, he just closed his eyes and whimpered, throwing his head back. You used the chance to latch onto his neck, groaning quietly against his skin. Gods, you were soaked. It was definitely not like you hadn’t been fucked into oblivion by four men already, you were ready to get lost one more time. You licked his skin, sucked and nipped, leaving behind tiny red marks, basking in the sounds he was making. 

“Can I?” You asked him and he nodded, that was the only permission you needed to come back to his neck, to start rolling your hips over again. 

The rumors about the young man not being able to satisfy a woman were the biggest lie, you thought to yourself. You could feel him getting hard under your body and the thought of having him inside you was driving you mad. 

“I’m so wet for you, Ivar.” You murmured against his ear, only for him to hear you and he whimpered again, thrusting up his hips a bit. 

“For me?” He whispered breathlessly and you nodded, tracing his lips with your thumb again before kissing him feverishly. 

“Yes.” You grabbed his hand and put it between your bodies, his fingers met with your core, rubbing the mess of fluids on your pussy. “Will you help me?” 

He nodded, dumbfounded. You used your hand between your bodies to grab his cock and started jerking slowly, his lips parted as he gasped for air. The fact that these small touches were bringing so much pleasure to him was even more exciting to you. Your faces are so close you can feel his breath against your cheeks, your lips almost touch and his fingers trembled between your legs, nervously moving between your folds. 

Abruptly, you intensified your movements, he choked out a groan and closed his eyes, precum was leaking from his tip, making it easier for you to slide your hand up and down his cock, that pulsed and twitched in your hand. Quickly you moved it away, standing up a bit to line up his cock with your entrance, he looked at you like you were some sort of goddess, silently worshiping you, shaky hands wrapping around your waist as you sat down his length. 

“Gods… Please…” He groaned when he felt your warm walls engulfing him. 

You placed your hand on his shoulders as you fucked yourself over his cock, slowly moving your hips up and down. You brought his hand back down your body and started to use his fingers to massage your clit.

“Like this?” He asked in awe. 

“Yes…” You answered under your breath. 

Quickly you started to bounce on his cock, riding him like your life depended on it. The great hall was filled with Ivar’s small grunts and your breathy moans. You squeeze at his shoulders and threw your had back, he kept his fingers in your clit, drawing hard circles on your little nub just like you taught him and you could feel him twitching inside you, you knew he was close and so were you. 

You moaned with every thrust, you hunched over and kissed him, his arms wrapped around your waist and he pushed you down on his cock. You felt his release and he moaned loudly against your mouth. Your own high coming down hard on you as you clenched on him, cumming for what felt like the thousandth time that night. 

You laid down on his shoulder for a moment, trying to ease your breathing as you came down from your orgasm. He hugged you tightly, thumb drawing small circles on your back and you could fall asleep right there, you closed your eyes and your consciousness almost abandoned you for a moment, that’s when you felt someone taking you up from Ivar’s lap and you whined, feeling empty and sore. 

“I’ll take care of you.” Ragnar mumbled in your ear. “Take him out, we don’t want him here.” 

You imagined he was referring to Rollo who was finally silent, or maybe you just stopped listening to your surroundings. In Ragnar's arms you did fall asleep, waking up again only when you felt a warm cloth between your legs, you quickly moved away from the touch but was stopped by a pair of hands on your legs. 

“I’m just cleaning you up.” Ragnar told you and you opened your eyes, finding him sitting by your side, you looked around and recognized his bedroom, the furs were soft against your skin and you were extremely tired. 

“Was I good?” You asked under your breath, reaching out for his hand, which he really took, taking it to his lips, spreading kisses all over it. 

“So good...” He said it against your skin and you smiled tiredly. 

After cleaning you up he snuggled by your side, covering your bodies with fur and putting your head on his chest, rubbing your hair as you slowly fell back to sleep. 

“Our best girl.” Was the last thing you heard before drifting into slumber. 

***

[unoislazy]

Sneak Peak?

(Arthur Morgan x reader)

Because it’s been so long since I’ve written I feel like I’ve lost my touch a bit. I’m gonna leave a snippet of something I’ve written so far and I would like to know how you guys feel about it!!

Context: Childhood friends to lovers

“I’m in a lot of trouble right now.” He said, nearly out of breath as he grabbed your hand desperately. You stared at him for a moment, trying to process what he was saying as you tried to string together a proper sentence.

“You’ll be alright, right? You always make it out okay.” You said optimistically. The boy in-front of you gave you a charming smile. He had just shown up on your doorstep, which was no different than normal but this time he was winded and bleeding… Your concern was evident through the farrowing of your eyebrows and the worry in your eyes, but you dared not voice them, not now.

“You know I do, but… I don’t think we can stay here for much longer.” He replied, looking back over his back as if he was being watched. You too looked over his back trying to see if you could make out any figures in the area behind him, but to you there was not a soul in sight.

“We?” You asked, taken aback. It was almost as if you had only then processed his words as you took your attention off the empty area of dirt and leaves behind the boy and turned to once again meet his striking blue eyes.

“Me and the gang, we got into some issues with the law and I only have a few hours before I have to go.” He explained. You knew this was going to happen eventually, but even so you still didn’t feel as if you prepared yourself well enough for this day to come.

“Before you leave… I want you to take this.” You quickly grabbed a letter that you had stored in your drawer, in preparation for this day. “I don’t want you to open it until you’re gone, okay?” To that, the boy nodded.

“I promise you I’ll come back to you.”

And with a swift kiss on the forehead, and longing goodbyes, he was gone. That was the last you had seen or heard of the boy named “Arthur Morgan” for quite some time.

Many years had passed at this point and whilst you had never forgotten that boy, you had a strong feeling he had forgotten about you. Or worse.

But it was no concern of yours now, you were grown now. There was no point in delving into the “what ifs” of your childish fantasy. You still lived in the same old house, living a quiet life. A boring yet decent one, you didn’t know why you stayed. You had everything you’d need to leave and lead a more eventful life.

However, deep down you knew why you stayed.

You stayed for him.

On the off chance that that boy would find his way back to you. That he would come back and keep the promise he made to you all those years ago. But the other side of you knew, that was never gonna happen.

Your internal argument continued until you heard a knock on your door.

You brushed off your hands from the residue left over from whatever task you had found yourself partaking in before turning to get the door. You didn’t often get visitors but when you did it was usually just one of your neighbors or a family friend coming to check up on you. So with that expectation in mind, you walked towards the door and grabbed the handle with confidence, twisting and yanking it open with ease while saying your greetings to who you thought would be,

“Mrs. Baker I told you last time, I don’t need any more b-”

You cut your sentence short as your eyes quickly landed upon, not the older woman you expected, but a younger man. He was quite tall and he looked to be about your age, and despite his rough appearance he stood on your porch as awkwardly as a school boy in the front of a class.

“Oh, I’m sorry I thought you were someone else, how can I help you?” You asked, deciding it was best to find out what this man was here for. Upon further inspection, you realized there was a strange nostalgic quality to his face. You couldn’t quite place it before but it felt as if you had seen this man once before.

“I.. uh…” The man started, before he quickly turned towards his satchel and began to dig through it. It didn’t take long for him to grab a thin envelope out and display it. It was clearly opened but a name was visible on the front. “Is there anyone here by this name?” He asked.

You curiously looked towards the envelope and noticed…

It was your name.

Your eyebrows scrunched as you looked from the envelope to the man holding it once again. Why would this man be asking for you…?

It was then you took a closer look at him, he was quite tan, his hair was a gorgeous brown and his eyes…

His eyes

“Arthur…?” You whispered. It couldn’t be.

“How do you know my…” The man before her looked at her with a puzzled look before it quickly clicked with him. How could he not recognize you? Sure it had been several years since he had been back but he prided himself on being able to memorize your features.

Unfortunately the memory betrays one no matter how hard they try to defy it.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for wanting a material thing rather than an experience for my college graduation gift, and being upset I still don't have it?

I skimmed through some other AITA posts to prepare me to write this one properly, and saw someone use the term "validation bait." I bring that up because I fear this post may read like that once all is said and done, but I genuinely am worried my perspective might be skewed. I encourage you to enter "Reddit Mode" if you decide to reply after your judgement with additional context and feel the need to be blunt.

Background context: I have an older sibling who graduated before me during the beginning of COVID. While his gift was delayed as a result, we as a family (three children one father) ended up going to Disney World, NASA, and Universal Orlando in 2021 to celebrate his accomplishment. It was a great trip, aside from the horrific humidity and the hurricane that just barely missed us. Later on, I asked my sibling if that was what he actually wanted to do, and he said our father proposed some ideas because he didn't really have any and Florida sounded like a good idea to him. My asking this will make sense later, but putting it here seems the most logical.

Additionally, it may be important to know that my father goes on a lot of trips. At least, more than anyone I've personally known. I'm not gonna try to calculate the exact number, but I will say in the span of less than a year (after the family Florida trip), he went to both Canada and Mexico for a week each, on top of additional excursions to Florida and Vegas-- almost all also including bringing his girlfriend. At the same time, he claimed assistance with college tuition was out of his budget, started having me pay rent on a part time job, and told my younger sibling fixing the AC in their car would cost too much as well. Even I know something doesn't add up here, but maybe I'm taking it too personally. End background context.

Fast forward to spring of 2023, and it's my turn to graduate college. Here's the thing: my brother was asked at least a year in advance to his graduation what he would like to do. I wasn't asked; I had to bring it up myself, and I waited until my graduation was only two months out. It was also over a phone call, because my father was out of town for at least the fifth time that year already. I dropped the hint that, for my graduation present, I would really like to get a nice gaming desktop. My father's response was, "... We'll see." Later on, he elaborated through text stating, "I took everybody to florida because i think graduations should be more about memories than what material thing you can get out of your dad."

Here's the thing: it's no secret to my dad that I'm a gamer, and I like video games. Additionally, it's no secret that a gaming desktop is something I have wanted for a decade. Even since middle school I've talked about gaming desktops and how much I wanted one. Even so, I happily played games like Saints Row III on a laptop that chugged along at 12 frames per second and took every crash in stride. I also thought that this kind of gift would be a relief to my dad, as my thought process was it would be far less expensive than taking an entire family somewhere out of the state for a week. Not only that, but there wasn't really anywhere I wanted to go. I don't have the desire to travel like he does; I don't mind taking my time off at home or locally, and relaxing with the things I have rather than spending a ton on a fancy dinner or hotel or concert.

So, naturally, I was confused, dismayed, and heartbroken. While I started crafting a text response explaining why a gaming desktop would not just be for personal use, but would also be advantageous for my career (my degree was in animation and I learned surface level coding for making video games), I also wondered why it was wrong for me to want a "material thing" even if it wasn't something necessarily "useful." Because while, yes, a gaming desktop would have the power I needed for more intensive animation projects, that wasn't really why I wanted one. But I figured explaining as such would help convince my dad why it was a good idea.

My dad ended up calling me before I could finish crafting my text, so I did my best to explain my standpoint, as well as pointing out how the specs for a gaming desktop are pretty much parallel with the specs for a desktop for things like 3D rendering and animation. He stood his ground on "making memories" as well, and also hinted that I was acting entitled for asking about my graduation present. I think I pointed out to him how he asked my older brother far in advance what he wanted for his graduation, but those details of the conversation are a little faded with time. I did end up sending my text after that phone call anyway, as I felt it better explained what I was thinking and feeling than I could say in verbal conversation (I've always gotten a little flustered talking to my dad about things I want that he doesn't approve of).

Fortunately, after reading my text, my father seemed to come around, and invited me to put together a list of parts for my computer, since I wanted to build it. I got really excited and got the help of my computer-savvy friend to put together something I thought was reasonable-- it had a really good graphics card and processor, and I made compromises on some of the other parts to lower the cost. I haven't looked at the list in a while, but the total cost-- tower, two mid-range monitors, basic keyboard and mouse-- was something like 2.5k approaching 3k. Mid range (at least, it is these days) I think, but it would be enough for the things I wanted to do.

I put the list together, and emailed it to my dad. The assumption I had, was he would purchase the parts, and then we would build it together (or I would build it alone). However, later on I went to ask him if he had gotten my email, and while he said yes, he also said, "I'm not paying for the whole thing. I can't afford it, and it's not fair to spend more on you as an individual than what I spent on your brother as an individual for the Florida trip."

I find the latter point somewhat fair considering I'm the only person who benefits from this gift, but the first point, given the background context on my father's habits, I'm not sure how much I believe. But arguing with him would have been pointless. I definitely would have liked to have had that information beforehand, but it ultimately didn't change much.

This is getting long, so I'll try to summarize the rest. This was just the first instance of my father changing the goal posts for my graduation gift. First, he tried to convince me that getting a prebuilt tower would be just as good. I did the research, and a tower with the graphics card I wanted would have cost as much as building my own tower and buying a monitor, keyboard, and mouse, and still not have been as good in other specs anyways. Then, he tried to tell me he was only going to give me $1000 towards the computer. I pointed out paying for my older sibling for the Florida trip would have cost at least $1500-- if I hadn't done the research, I wouldn't have known any better and just blindly agreed. Then, two days after my graduation, he stated that he wasn't going to give me the money for the computer until I had secured a full time job.

At that point, I just gave up, and agreed.

Fast forward to now. I'm still working the part time job, I barely make enough to put a couple dollars into savings, no one is hiring me full time, and my dad hinted that, instead of doing presents for Christmas this year, we all agree to go on vacation somewhere. Not only that, but his family in Canada just told him they're going to Mexico in November. Not only is my dad implying we should go too and I should pay a portion of my own way, I have a further feeling he may say that this will be our Christmas as well. I still don't have the computer, even though my dad has noticed how much I'm struggling.

If I had the computer, I wouldn't have minded the vacation-- but I feel like my wants and feelings have been completely pushed aside in favor of what my dad thinks is good and/or right, and the wind has been taken out of my sails regarding my graduation entirely. On the other hand, maybe he's right that I focus too much on a material thing and should redirect my attention to an experience and go somewhere to relax/get away from daily life.

Am I a materialistic asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[sun-stricken]

Do you think Gray, Natsu , Erza and Wendy have accents like all came from different places and I headcanon Florian wasn’t any of their first languages so whenever they get emotional their accents come out and Lucy’s just like “ guys please I can’t understand what your sayin” but they can understand each other just fine.

Like that get ambushed on a mission and they all start swearing except only Lucy’s swearing in Fiorian and they get so angry after the missions complete and thier all complaining about it Lucy’s just completely lost because their accents are popping so hard.

i do think so actually

i mostly just played around with what their accents would sound like rather than what you asked, so sorry🙏

Almost no one outside of who she grew up extremely close with can understand Erza when her accent pops out. Erzas accent is a mash up of a bunch of different ones, being raised in the tower with a bunch of people from various linguistic backgrounds does that, you could not pin point where shes from originally from speaking alone. When her accent pops her words can go anywhere from a clear-cut and concise, to a rolling drawl, to fast and choppy, it will give you whiplash

Natsu and Wendys accents are harsh and makes their words slur together heavily, sounds like theyre short-cutting their words as much as possible. Its meant for fast speaking.

Wendys accent is a different dialect of the average Fiorian one, the rhythm/structure of it flows similarly, but the pronunciation of letters are fairly different. When her accent comes out, her words probably the easiest to make out since (after Grandeeney) she was technically raised in Fioré, although that isnt saying much when compared to the other three.

Natsu, now Natsus accent is practically unintelligible at best, by the time you process what one word was, hes already moved on to another sentence, he could not slow down if he tried. Even if hes speaking a language youre fluent in, if his accent breaks through it sounds like a different language altogether.

Grays accent is sharp and sounds a little awkward, it can make him trip up on his words since Florian languages are faster and the sounds are shorter and an Isvani accent will put stress in unneeded places and is more drawn out. His accent is very, indecisive? the way he says words will change depending on where in the sentence they are or how he uses them. very inconvenient for anyone trying to understand him.

All of this very inconvenient for Lucy. Her first language is Florian, she knows a couple different languages fluently but holy shit, she should’ve brought her flash cards with her when she ran away. Although none of them wouldve prepared her for this

Wendys accent is heavy when shes upset for any reason, while Lucy is okay at understanding her (even if the pace makes her dizzy sometimes) she absolutely cant whenever she cries. Or when shes yelling, or if shes doing anything actually, Lucy has to pay very close attention to understand

Natsus pops at any given time, no real reason, but its like he purposely uses it when hes cursing someone out, he thrives on their utter confusion. If Lucy thought Wendys pace was dizzying, Natsus makes her feel like shes in a tornado.

*Natsu and Lucy arguing and his accent comes out*

Lucy, nearing a breakdown: IDK WHAT THE HELL YOURE SAYING

Natsu, knowing exactly what hes doing: FUCK YOU

Lucy: FOR THE LOVE OF—PLEASE

they have fun🤗

Both Grays and Erzas come out mostly when they’re tired, during intense moments/emotions, or when they talk for a long time.

Lucy has given up on trying to understanding Erza, just sitting there in horrified facination as she successfully captured a part of every countries accent while also trying to use context clues because for some reason the others can understand her perfectly fine (so unfair)

Gray also sometimes uses his accent to confuse people, although he usually dabbles in the actual language than the just the accent cause its funnier that way. Lucy at this point has given up any sense of peace she’ll get to have ever, itll never happen around any of these fools

So far, Lucy thinks Wendys is the easiest to understand (which means its her favorite), Grays is the nicest to listen to (even if the sharpness of it makes it feel like hes about to yell), Erzas is the most confusing (literally what the fuck is it??), and Natsus pisses her off (she knows that mf uses it on purpose to make her confused)

Once they all started talking with their natural accent and Lucy thought she had a brain injury before staring blankly and wonder what her life has come to

[sminiac]

౨ৎ⋆˚｡ Minecraft w xikers !

⋆ Ot10 xikers + reader

💌 — This is very self indulgent, and completely random but I feel like playing Minecraft with xikers would be so fun! Also bc I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve last written something for the boys :,)

Minjae would be assigning every member a task of course, and yk, maybe during the process of sorting everyone out so there’s no butting heads he’d receive a little backlash, but still!

Minjae’s your shadow, keeps you safe, keeps your hunger bar full as he’s the one who mainly gathers food. Also scopes out the prettiest places for you to build things, he claims he just stumbled upon his findings but everyone else knows he’s going out of his way to find places for you. Since he’s moderator he often gives only you flying/teleporting privileges, also sneaks you items from creative if you’re struggling to collect them in survival, but don’t tell anyone! He’s also the main member who you see the least of since he’s always flying around the world, travelling far and wide, teleports you just so you can see your favourite animals, the pandas, cats, polar bears, axolotls, even hostile mobs that you think are cool!

Remainder of members under the cut!

Hyunwoo, Hunter and Junghoon are tasked with gathering basic above ground material, wood, sand, stone etc. the only thing is they have to come back with a chest full amount because hello? There’s 11 of you. The thing is you’re so hard to say no to that whatever type of wood you’re recommending for the house they’re immediately agreeing, talking over one another about how they think it would look nice,, even if the material you want only comes from a significantly distant or difficult biome.

Hyunwoo’s a big time hog, makes up whatever excuse he can so you’ll come sprinting to him, like he somehow broke solid stone above him not knowing that gravel was on top of it and now he’s suffocating to death? It’s like a reflex to call out for you to come and save him, even if someone else is closer to him than you are. Will literally pout if someone else gets to him first, “Aww, I wanted Y/n to save me:(“ He’s not shy about his feelings, not at all.

Hunter would keep an eye on you, checking in every few minutes to see where you are, literally takes a break from breaking trees to run and find you. Makes conversation about the vision you have for your shared home, he’d even give you ideas! Taking silent breaks to scroll on Pinterest for ideas that he’d then promptly send to you through a private message, secretly enjoys the attention and praise he receives from you in return. The type to build you cute things on the side, even leaves little sweet messages on signs for you to find, but he would be a little flustered if anyone else just so happened to sprint past it.

Junghoon is incredibly helpful, like Hunter he’s always making his way to come and visit you, quietly dropping you stacks of material you’re supposed to be gathering by yourself and running away before you have the chance to politely reject it. He also frequently asks about your weapons/farming tools, its longevity bar is running low? He’s either offering you his or requesting that someone on the mining team find you iron/diamonds so he can craft you a new, better set.

Jinsik, Sumin and Yechan would already be in the nether, busied with preparations to enter the end, but they’d always find little ways to talk/interact with you.

Jinsik is clingy, isn’t shy about wanting to hold your hand or initiate skinship with you, so when he’s unable to simply be by your side in the game he’s a little restless, so eager to get back to you asap which is why he’s so strict with Yechan, always trying to keep him in line, because it means they could collect what they came for faster and get out sooner. Admittedly he becomes a little selfish… jealous in a sense from hearing the others talk to you about something he doesn’t understand because he doesn’t have the context, all he knows is that he wants to talk to you too :(

Sumin’s really bad for being ‘forgetful’, but it’s really all a ploy so he can come back through the portal to see you. It starts becoming obvious when he doesn’t have the basic material in his inventory to craft the essentials, or food, so he always has to go back, conveniently you’re there! And the two of you will venture out to collect what he needs together because if you’re helping him it’ll cut down the time by half, well… from what Jinsik knows at least. Also the worst for unnecessarily causing damage to his members health, it just doesn’t register so he frequently hits them when they say something funny or are annoying him. Never you though, never ever. In fact! He’s very cautious around you, often telling you to be careful around steep ledges and hostile mobs that attack without being provoked, literally your bodyguard.

Yechan a lot of the time gets distracted whilst wandering around with the other 2 and often ends up always somehow getting into a little trouble whilst entering fortresses, bastion remnants, literally anywhere dangerous by himself for the sake of getting you cool stuff. One of the loudest people in the party besides Junmin, always shrieking and screaming when a mob starts attacking him, partially kicks up the dramatics because he likes hearing you laugh when he’s scared/the silly arguments when Sumin scolds him for running off without them, runs to you when you’re present asking for help because he knows Sumin won’t be mean when you’re around.

Junmin, Yujun, and Seeun are the aforementioned mining team! The 3 who are especially deprived of your companionship because once they get to work there’s hardly time for them to leave the underground tunnels and vast expanse of caves they come across. It helps when you’re able to run them food and extra wood so they can make sticks for torches, they steal you when they can, showing you the cool places they’ve found and the pretty material they think you’d like!

Junmin is mostly by himself for a good amount of time because he’s the one who is closest to the surface, only going so deep into the ground to collect coal, iron, red stone, lapis. He enjoys hearing your thoughts on how to sort out the chests and their contents, especially when you offer to help him with rearranging everything for easier access. He makes for a nice conversation, tells you that if you need help with building anything that he’s your guy! Also offers to go out and find pretty flowers/seeds for your garden, the type to show up with the most random gifts for you, and you’re just “How did you find this” and he just tells you not to worry about it, that he’ll find even more if you want!

Yujun #1 sweetheart, gets so excited when he finds diamonds or any of your favourite blocks/ores and always requests that you’re teleported to him so you can come and see, always ends up giving it to you, telling you to keep it safe and to make good use of it. “I’ll find more for you!” HE’S SO CUTIE 😞 just wants to deck you out in diamonds and rare items, plus bragging rights :b also a victim to Seeun’s habit of always being the main reason for a lot of the deaths, there’s a community wall full of signs and death tally’s, a name that has a reputation for being the most common reason for deaths is Seeun, Yujun being his main victim.

Seeun, aka your #1 hater in Minecraft, like actually praying on your downfall. I really, truly believe his way of flirting is teasing and poking fun at you. You better not lose sight of him in ravines for too long or he’ll show up out of nowhere with a group of mobs behind him that are being led straight to you. He doesn’t let them kill you of course… okay, well maybe once or twice but he swears it was by accident and he just likes scaring you. Even when you think he’s distracted by mining ores he is absolutely not, he’ll wait until you’re looking out at your surroundings and then pretends to break the block under you that’s keeping you from falling to your death. He’ll let it seem like he’s actually going to break it before lifting his finger and returning back to what he was doing like nothing happened, even if you’re laughing, screaming at him to knock it off.

[quantifiableme]

KyoKao and saying I love you (pt 2/2)

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE???

You know what else is really important to me about Kyoya Ootori?

Homie likes affection, but he doesn’t *ALLOW* himself too. He has to hate it, because what kind of fool is he to want a hug?

And before you aruge: No one who hates physical touch can be around Tamaki that long, and to the degree of what their friendship is. Tamaki is affectionate with everyone, but I would argue the most with Haruhi and Kyoya. Part of that is because 1.) Haruhi is used to it from her father and 2.) Kyoya has no choice.

And that’s why Kyoya loves the affection from Tamaki, because there is deniability in it. Like “Ugh, I hate physical affection, but I can’t stop him. Oh no, here he comes for another hug *so upsetting*”

Enter Karou, who has received constant physical affection from his brother since the womb. And once they start dating, Karou’s main love language is gonna be cuddling and physical touch so he’s gonna be all over Kyoya.

The line is that Kyoya doesn’t do PDA. He has a reputation to uphold, of course.

But just the two if them? Listen, Kyoya’s never going to initiate it, of course not. But Karou won’t stop. And at first, Karou thinks he’s restraining himself, but he still has some part of his person touching some part of Kyoya at all times.

And like on time they’re watching a movie, and Karou is draped over his boyfriend like a sheet over a ghost. And usually if the movie is boring, Karou will always loudly announce when he has to use the bathroom or get a snack or whatever. But they’re watching some Aaron Sorkin thung where the dialogue is fast and important, and Kyoya is completely invested (Karou can tell because Kyoya is looking at the screen like he does when he’s typing a business report that is going to ruin another company’s assets), and Karou doesn’t want to distrub him. But also he has to pee.

So he disentangles himself from Kyoya, but before he evens moves, Kyoya is holding him.

“Where are you going?” He asks, eyes finally torn from the screen.

Karou stops, caught. As if he was discovered putting rats in an air vent (deja vu) and not..trying to pee.

“Uh,” Karou starts., pointing to the hallway behind the couch where the toilet is. “The bathroom?”

“Oh,” Kyoya says. Karou can see his boyfriend processing the information, brain obviously still distracted from the hypothetical buisness merger going on in his head. Kyoya finally looses his grip on Karou, but rests his arms at his sides. As if already preparing for Karou yo come back.

“Wait,” Karou interrupts. He reaches behind him frantically for the remote. Once the movie is paused, he turns back giddily to Kyoya. “Do you like cuddling??”

Kyoya, to the average observer, is hard to read. Hikaru jokes his own three emotions are content, annoyed, and tiered, and they are only truly distinguishable through context. Rather than anything on Kyoya’s face.

Karou, however, has been a bit of a novice at knowing where to look. When he’s embarrassed, Kyoya may not turn beat red the way someone else would. Instead, his eyebrows tense, and his gaze focuses like he’s glaring. But even more than that-

“I don’t understand why you are asking.” Kyoya says sternly. “Isn’t this how we typically operate to watch these things?”

When embarrassed, Kyoya likes debate his way out of his embarrassment.

Karou grins, suspicion confirmed. “Yeah, but I figured you tolerated it bevause you knew I was going to do it anyway. I didn’t realize you actually *wanted* cuddles.”

“Do you want to stop?” Kyoya also liked to threaten when he was embarrassed.

“Awww,” Karou whined as he started nuzziling his boyfriend’s face. “Are you gonna miss me when I’m all the way down the hall? So cute!”

Kyoya pushed his boyfriend off of him. He then grabbed the remote and started playing to movie again.

From the floor, Karou cackled. The aggression, along with everything else, was the final confirmation for it. Karou felt bubbly inside. He loved Kyoya and his cool demeanor, and his vicious mentality. But in small moments, when Kyoya let his ever present guard down, Karou fell even more in love.

It was like seeing a side to Kyoya only he knew. It was information only Karou had. It made him, and their relationship, feel all the more real; like a string on a ballon, tying it to the ground.

From behubd the couch, Karou wrapoed his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders and kissed the top of his head.

“Now you be brave for me, Kyoya,” snickers Karou. “I’ll be back from my shit soon.”

Kyoya turned up the volume on the movie.

[dxmedstudent]

in medical shows they often say that every doctor will end up misdiagnosing someone and leading to their death at least once if not more. is this true? i assume it is since doctors cannot be right all the time and everyone makes mistakes. is this something someone should prepare for if going through med school?

Hmm yes and no.

Some people will be that unlucky. But not everyone.

Medical TV shows...aren't written by doctors. They are written by writers who want to build a sense of drama and also build pathos for the medical characters as people. And they want the audience to appreciate the potential stakes. And they are good at that. Normal medical life can sonetimes be bonkers, but usually it just isn't dramatic enough for television.

It's possible for a clinician to make mistakes in diagnosis or management, and this is inevitable to some degree - we cannot know every thing, and even if we did, patients don't always present as they do in books. People can have unusual symptoms. People make mistakes.

But honestly? Most clinical decisions are not life and death... or urgent. You have time to find out more information. You have tine to get a second opinion. You have time to do more tests. You have time to accept that the initial diagnosis was not correct but that you can keep working on finding out what is actually going on. If someone is dying, even if you aren't sure what's causing it, you can still work to stabilise them!

If things are getting worse, that's a sign to keep looking! And of course, most conditions themselves aren't immediately fatal. Or even fatal in general.

I would say that I very much doubt every single clinician has misdiagnosed someone in a way that's led to that person's death. I do think most clinicians, as humans, have made multiple mistakes - but at a lower stakes level.

And most clinical decisions we make, especially in hospital are part of a wider context involving an entire team. One person may make a mistake, but that mistake is usually caught by someone else. When things go badly wrong (hopefully rare but it happens), it's normally the result of the Swiss cheese effect - i.e. multiple team members missing something important.

When a patient feels ill, they experience an entire journey. They present to a doctor, and hopefully have some investigations and maybe have an initial diagnosis based on what is known at the time. Based on the results and also how they respond to the initial treatment, we get an idea of whether the initial diagnosis was correct.

As they and the doctor or medical team get results back or the condition progresses, there is more information to base future investigations and future treatments on.

To put this in context, diagnosis can be a long and sometimes difficult process. It's often complicated by the fact that there are many conditions that are uncommon and unusual - for example there are over 8000 known rare genetic conditions alone. People with unusual presentations or rarer conditions can often experience delays in diagnosis because their teams are less familiar with their conditions. And people with some common conditions can still experience significant delays in diagnosis, particularly if diagnosis tends to require more invasive ir specialised testing. There also isn't always a test that gives you a clear answer. There isn't always a good treatment. There often isn't a cure. Sometimes even the "right" first line treatment may not be best for that patient, people can respond differently to the same drug or treatment. Some people experience a difficult journey or even poor care.

I do think it's definitely true that there's always the risk that we can cause serious harm or even death if we make the wrong call. Working our hardest to make sure it doesn't happen is what gets us through to those long hours of med school and residency. For me, I treat each patient as if they were my family and try to give the care I would hope my loved ones receive. I have to live with the risks of what could happen, if I miss something important.

I also have to navigate the world as a patient knowing that people are fallible, the system us imperfect, and that can affect me as a patient or my loved ones as patients.

[joels-darlin]

Boxes

Okay so, Hi! I have returned, with probably the shortest one-shot in history. But I have been out of the game for too long, so here's me attempting to get myself together and start writing again. Absolutely no context on where this even came from, just that I have been going through some shit and decided to take pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard?....who even knows). Oh definitely not beta read cos tbh I just wanted to post whilst I had the urge and also felt I had a WIP that was okay-ish. I may expand on this someday.

Hope you enjoy and any feedback is appreciated <3 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Summary: A break-up and the painful reminders. Pairings: pre-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader Word Count: 540 words ( I did say it was short) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They say falling in love is one of the greatest experiences in life. Finding someone who you share a sacred bond with, someone who you can call home. However Love is temporary. It brings out the best, but also the worst, in people. The excitement and newness of the emotional bond that can tie two people together.

But they never talk about the other side of love. The sheer emotional rollercoaster that love brings, because for every positive there must be a negative. Sadness, pain, yearning - not forgetting the flurry of other emotions everyone has experienced at least once in their lifetime. It’s hard to describe when your heart feels heavy and the world around you feels lifeless - all because of one person.

There is always one. One person engrained in your mind forever. The one you had to let go that hurt the most. There are only so many tubs of ice cream, bottles of wine and cheesy romcoms you can go through - never able to fill the gaping hole left behind. So explain this, how do you do it? How do you go from having that constant line of communication to well…silence. There is nothing in the world that can mentally prepare you for that. The one thing you considered to be a safe place, ripped and torn from you in a split second. Five words to be exact “I’m still in love with her”.

Everything becomes a reminder. Their favourite songs on the radio, passing by the places you used to frequent for dates on the commute to work. The one that hurts the most; their scent. It’s everywhere clinging to any and every form of clothing or fabric it can find - cos let’s be honest you are still unpacking the boxes they dropped off two months ago. A slow process you told yourself.

It starts well. Psyching yourself up to tackle the last two boxes in the spare room of your vacant apartment, A beverage of choice at your side for courage. It’s when the lid opens and the smell hits is when everything falls apart. The mildly woody & citrus scent of aftershave paired with the softness of laundry detergent they used. Just them. Next the brain starts, thoughts swimming around sending you into a spiral. Overthinking every last moment of the 3 year relationship - where did it all go wrong? Why didn’t you see the signs?

Then the tears start. Cascading down your cheeks thick and fast, much like the raindrops that used to roll off the hood of their truck in the middle of a summer storm. Will they ever stop? No. This is your life now, at least temporarily. It’s all apart of the healing process people tell you. As expected the lids are back on the boxes before retreating to the safe space that is bed. “I’ll handle those another day”

Except the day never came. Those boxes continued to sit in the spare room of your apartment collecting dust for months. Three years worth of memories all bundled up inside, too painful to even look at.

All you knew for certain was that Joel Miller did not love you. But after all this time you had never stopped loving him.

[randomnameless]

Genuine question, not trying to start a fight, why do you get so upset about gods and churches being presented in a negative light in fictional works?

No pbs!

I guess it's a mix of being too common, too forced and having, in general, the cast use common tropish arguments to fight /defeat them.

I rant a lot about this game, but take TS where we have three sort of factions opposing each other, and each are supposed to suck. Who is the faction who never receives any "positive traits" or "pet the dog" moment?

The game force fed us a scene where an Aesfroti soldier - when Aesfrost is depicted as a highly militarised nation with a cult of personality towards their current ruler, that invaded the protag's home and slaughtered several civilians and NPCs in the process - say goodbye to his wife and kids before going to "war" to defend his land against, well, the protags who are invading it to kill their warmongering leader.

As force-fed as this scene was, it, I believe at least, tried to tell us that even the Aesfrosti who pillaged villages and killed their inhabitants are humans, and care about their loved ones, sure it's corny, but it's all about not deshumanising any party.

When we attack Hyzante? Niet, zilch, nothing. No similar scene where random soldiers, or NPCs, worry about what is going on and if they're going to die when their wall has been breached. They just, don't exist in this context.

I think the cherry on the cake is the Golden Route scene, where, apparently, nationalists Aesfrosti decide to turn back against their ultra charismatic leader because, uh, he "lied" when he declared the war and used a false pretense, so the soldiers and people who were butchering babies and invading a city where people were preparing a marriage apparently now have morals and rebel.

There's no similar scene for Hyzante when the cast reveals that the teachings of their Goddess were made up and salt wasn't exclusively given to them by divine intervention, because rock salt exists everywhere. Sure it would be a bit weird and forced that people thinking they're chosen ones and looking down on everyone else suddenly, hm, don't break down when their entire system of belief is shattered, but hey, if the Aesfrostian Gregor can have morals after washing his hands of all this Glenbrookian blood, why shouldn't religious npc #55 not make the same heel face turn?

And then, we have the slavery/human experimentation plot - in general, when TS tries to give nuance, they more or less explain/justify why something that "sucks" is done, it's basically Silvio's character.

Aesfrost' Gustadolph manages to push his "freedom" mentality because his land is a harsh place where people are desperate to survive, salt smuggling is reprehensible, but it's the only way to give some to the ones who cannot afford it. Of course is everyone is free, no one is because, as Gustadolph puts it, they're basically free to die for his ambitions.

Hyzante? Follows a racist creed where Rozellians have to pay for some great sin, and are slaved away in a lake to recover salt until they die. It's, later, justified by Hyzante wanting to keep its salt monopoly else they don't have anything, and wanting to curb down the Rozelle people because they know about the exitence of rock salt (and I guess getting free workers to harvest salt from the lake + having state enemies make his own population docile/not willing to rebel ?).

And then, we have the human experimentations, that are just done for, uhh, Idore's lol. When Hyzante is known for its "advanced medicine" and we could have had the usual dilemna of, idk, having those humans experimentations used to develop this medicine that is reknown in the world (idk, sacrificing a Rozellian to save someone else's life?) - it's not the angle the devs picked. Rozellians are sacrificed to power up an idol, Idore wants to control the world through his idol and soft power (compared to Gustadolph's hard power) and manipulates his people (just like Gustadolph) to do so.

The two are very similar, but who is the final boss? Complete with a transformation in an eldritch monster? The war-mongering imperialist or the jaded old man who is leading de facto a religion?

Hopefully there's the entire "human experimentations for no other purpose than the lols" to settle them apart.

---

I recently watched Dune, and even if I have some issues with the adaptation, the Bene Gesserit isn't portrayed as "comically" evil-er than the Harkonen Empire, I reckon the comparison isn't adequate, because Dune is multi book series when I'm mostly talking about video games.

Symphonia's church of Martel is a font for the Big Bad (tm) to put in motion his nefarious plans, and yet, through the game, we see how random clergymen use their, uh, religious buildings to help people around. Ultimately Martel herself is reincarnated through plot device and tells the big bad to stop being an ass and the story is less about "church and gods evil" but "big bad distorts Martel/church's teachings and role for his plans because he has a tragic backstory"

(but then Symphonia ends with the biggest whitewashing from every Tales I've played for its big bad so I'll stop talking about it because otherwise I'm going to be salty).

Abyss' church is more or less the same thing - the Church is supposed to help people deal with the fact their verse has "predestination stones" where the future is already written, and in the course of the game, we see how it has several factions and one opposes the group (who has the pope as a NPC!) - but it's not a story about "gods bad church BaD".

I remember playing Suikoden Tierkreis a long time ago, and while the game seemed to go through familiar "church bad gods bad" route and we end with defeating a god-like entity... I pretty much loved the twist that, in a game that relied on alternate dimensions/universe, the god-like entity was actually the protag if he made different choices!

In those games, if you fight a religious body and someone pretending to be a God or what not - it's not because people fight against an eldritch creature who wants world domination and to erase puny insects, or is the reason why everything goes wrong, but because, at the end, the conflict/fight is ultimately caused by someone, generally a human or at least a non "god like" entity, wanting to destroy the world.

I don't remember if FE was my first JRPG series or not, but I always liked the idea that if the world is doomed in those games and the heroes must prevent said doom, it's not because a god-like being wants to destroy the world, but because people, humans/randoms are the most shitty ones out there.

---

As for the "tropes" often used to deride fictional churchs and religious people, well, I will again point to TS - which did a splendid job in the Benedict Route where you smash Hyzante after allying with Aesfrost.

There's one battle where out protags diss Hyzantese because they worship a goddess and have no free will, listening to Her teachings and Her says (the traditional "religious people have no free will and listen to their churches who tell them how to think!") - which is immediately countered by one of those Hyzantese characters asking Serenor if he's not the same, but instead of blindly listening to a Goddess, blindly follows Benedict. And it ends with the final chapter title referencing automatons/puppets : who is that title talking about ? The fake "idol" Idore created, or the fake "king" Benedict created?

Anyways, the usual "religions people have no free will because their church/religion tells them how to think" trope reeks of r/atheism and the double standard - bar in this route of TS, but I guess, in TS itself in the Roland route! - is never called out, blindly following a charismatic leader is okay, as long as charismatic leader isn't religious?

Regardless of my IRL thoughts about religion, usually those tropes are presented as a "gotcha!" when they are... not at all, but the games/books leave it at that and we're supposed to roll with it.

I'd say it's lazy writing or, as we saw in Naruto, a quick way to end a story without having to dwelve in characters and their motivations : "you're a god/alien/other being and you're bad, so let us do what we want!" - end of the story.

Hopefully some fillers and to an extent, Boruto gave her more meat bar being the 11 hour villain we had to defeat quick and who manipulated the previous sad'n'lonely antagonists - but it still felt rich from Naruto, known for his famous "talk no jutsu" and trying to understand people he's fighting against, to drop the ball with Kaguya, calling her pure malice and ending with some "let us live the way we want" to wrap up the plot so he can wrestle with his boyfriend later on.

In the end, we often end up with "religion bad bcs the big bad manipulates people through it", as if those mangas/animes/vg never have other examples of charismatic people not using religion to manipulate their randoms/people or "gods bad they should let humans do what they want" when we've read/seen/played through various, uh, really fucked-up shit humans did - but on their own! and ultimately, but it's more in fandom spaces, with have Projection 101.

TLDR : church/religion/gods are too often used in those works as the ultimate scapegoat to either wrap up a story in a rushed ending or to pretend to have "nuance" but still have a common enemy where all the "nuanced" characters can grow/be whitewashed and side together against that "common enemy".

Just like in all things I guess, I prefer when something isn't painted as purely negative and all of the positive traits are erased because there is a need for a perfect scapegoat - sure, bring out too much "nuance" and writing/designing a game/manga/anime becomes harder because there's no "clear cut" antagonist, and yet, the one who always gets fucked in this scenario is the religious/church side.

Want a generic stock villain who will destroy the world so the heroes have to fight against them? Just create a "religion" in your setting, and have the big bad either hell bent on resurrecting Chtullu to destroy the world because Chtullu BaD, or have them be the most corrupt piece of shit who manipulate everything in the shadows, so the rest of the world, even the ones who slaughter others bcs they feel like they must start a war, can be whitewashed at the end.

I mean, there's a saying about diverting attention from a fire by starting a bigger one near, or a trope of "aliens made them do it" : who cares if Madara started a continental war and targeted a village full of random civilians he swore to protect because he lost the elections? Did y'know he was manipulated by a woman, I mean, an eldritch thing created by a woman, regarded as a God, who ultimately wanted to get out of her fridge to kill everyone?

Roland must get over his hatred for Aesfrost for barging in his kindgom and killing hundred of his people while they were preparing for a wedding, because hey, Idore is evil and plans on ruling the world through his sham religion!

I'll forever be salty at TS for not giving Kamsell the occasion to rise against Idore, or not even have minor NPCs get the same treatment as Sycras suddenly going all "u lied to me gustadolph so i won't listen to u anymore + sad goodbyes to my wife'n'kids".

Extremism of all kinds can lead to wars/tragedy/fucked up shit - Sure I don't want to get my History lessons in video game medium when I play lol, but what I really don't like is how it feels like depicting "they're extremists because they're religious" feels like the default/easy answer : want a bunch of brainwashed people the heroes must fight against and can't talk no justu their way out of this fight/will fight without looking too BaD? Depict those people as "misguided" members of a corrupt church/believers of a religion, no one will givea fig. If they are instead supporters of a charismatic leader who throws them through the meatgrinder to further their goals? Well, there's no automatic loyalty so either you have to show/depict it on screen, else it can be challenged at key points to demonstrate how those people - who follow the charismatic leader - aren't completely "mindlessly listening to their leader" or how their leader "isn't that bad after all".

[riddlerosehearts]

okay, i've got some things i wanna say about twst EN's translation of scarabia's story that i was originally typing out as part of a response to an ask, but then i realized i was going off on a bit of a tangent and was like "this could basically be its own post"--so now it's going to be its own post!

i'm a twst EN player, and for the most part, i do really like the localization. i don't speak japanese but i love learning about language and the process of translation and localization, so at one point after finishing books 1-5 i went and reread them all (and 6 as well, once it was fully released on EN) with a fan translation and the localization side by side to compare them. and from what i could tell as someone who isn't a japanese speaker, i honestly thought it seemed like they usually did pretty well? sure, there were a few mistakes like cater claiming to be an only child (this one, i think, has actually been fixed recently), or how in book 2 they removed a small mention of falena making it seem like he's never mentioned at all until leona's flashback and they also removed the numerous times that he said "be prepared" (at least they finally properly translated it in book 6, though!!). but i thought most of these mistakes were somewhat minor and could be forgiven... until book 4 (well, and book 5, mostly in regards to vil and epel's conflict and i'm not talking about them here, so).

see, i actually realized that something was off about the localization when i first played through book 4, because i have a weird memory and have picked up a bunch of random words and phrases from being into japanese media and reading so much about the localization process. and i also play twst with the sound on because i love to hear the voice acting. so sometimes i would hear jamil speak, i'd pick out the words "shujin" and "juusha" for "master" and "servant", and then the subtitles wouldn't include them at all. so i'd guess certain things about the actual intent behind the story based on that. take this message i sent to my friend when i was sharing my blind reactions to the game:

and she ended up telling me that apparently, what i thought he should say essentially IS what he originally said!! according to the fan translation on wiki.gg he said this instead:

i had wondered if maybe i was reading into things and assuming too much, but it turned out i was completely spot on! but most people who play EN would not be able to pick up on this and realize that jamil was born into servitude to kalim and has no escape, because as i later discovered almost every single mention of him being a servant at all was removed, in events and vignettes as well. which is actually really weird to me because they don't remove it entirely, they do in fact bring up the fact that jamil has to test all of kalim's food for poison during book 4 and they also left in a line where he says he "works as kalim's servant". but they only really mention these things once or twice and then they try to sort of play it off as jamil being a paid employee or something most of the time... seriously, during beanfest there's dialogue where jamil says it would be rude to refuse an order from his boss but i've read that that line was originally him saying a servant couldn't disobey his master. and in the scalding sands event he calls himself "a dedicated employee" of kalim's... what, am i supposed to assume he works as a butler by choice or something? yeah, no. also, one of his birthday vignettes, which are fully voiced so i could TELL he said, with a devious smirk on his face, that if he had a parrot the first word he would teach it would be "shujin-sama". "master". what did EN change this into?

the person i was originally writing all of this in response to said that sometimes people's takes on jamil make them wonder if people are reading a completely different story but also that part of that can probably be blamed on the way EN completely changed the context of his situation with these translation choices. and yeah, i fully agree with that assessment: more casual fans or people who just aren't that interested in the scarabia duo could be said to be reading a different story with this whole "boss" and "employee" thing that has jamil make it sound like the worst that could ever happen to him if he got in trouble would be getting a really stern lecture from his parents.

and it makes me sad because i really do love both jamil and kalim so much and i think their dynamic is so tragic and complicated and interesting to think about. i think they're both really complex characters who are trapped in an awful situation. kalim is so kind and loving and would never wanna hurt anyone but he hurts jamil just by existing as part of the fucked up society they live in. kalim thought he and jamil were best friends, he had no idea of the toxicity of their dynamic and the pain jamil was in, and people say jamil should've just talked to him about it earlier... but jamil's first memory as a child is of seeing his parents bow to the asim family. being a servant is practically all he's ever known and he's had it drilled into his head since they were both small children that he can never be himself around kalim, can never just treat him like a normal person because he's a servant and kalim is his master. and even if he did accept kalim's offer to start over as equals and be friends, what would happen when they had to go home to their families? they won't be at school forever.

and i just. augh. i hate what the localization does with them. if you try to water them down to just an employee who's super mad at his obliviously crappy boss, or just two childhood friends who needed to communicate better or something like that, then you take away from the complexity of both characters. you also lose extremely cool writing choices like how jamil is a character who was born into servitude but has the power to make himself the master with his unique magic. i see so many takes about how jamil is just a jerk who betrayed his best friend and how kalim never did anything wrong in his entire life and i hate it but i'm sure the localization's choices are in fact to blame for a lot of this.

so anyway jamil and kalim's actual dynamic is fascinating and lives rent-free in my head, no thanks to how the EN version gutted it.

[mortispoxi]

After taking the time to really sit and process the roller coaster of information that was the recent People Make Games video about the drama surrounding Studio ZA/UM, I wanted to make this post to go over some of my thoughts that I had about the video. If you have not watched the video but are curious what people are saying about it or you have and you want to read someone else’s perspective, then I invite you to read through as I babble incoherently.

Overall, I thought it provided an interesting, in-depth look at the timeline of events leading up to Kurvitz, Rostov, and Hindpere’s dismissals while also giving us a proper inside scoop to the interpersonal relationships of both the former and current Studio ZA/UM employees. However, I do think the video has a couple of problems specifically with the way some of the information is presented on top of the fact that it loses focus partway through from the real issue which is the alleged fraud that took place by the investors to acquire the majority share within the company.

A big problem that I had with the video was the way in which Kurvitz behavior and final statement are disproportionately framed in the narrative. Now I am not about to go on a lengthy rant to dismiss everything Robert Kurvitz did to his friends during his time at the studio. In fact, the thing that I really liked about this video was how Chris Bratt, the writer and interviewer, holds no punches when it comes to the accusations of misconduct we heard from current Studio ZA/UM employees against him. Instead, I think it needs to be addressed that Bratt left out background context, whether intentionally or unintentionally I do not want to speculate, that could potentially explain what happened to everyone leading up to the expulsions to make Kurvitz appear far worse than how he might’ve been. I fully believe every word Argo Tuulik, Kaspar Tamsula, and Petteri Sulonen has said about working under Kurvitz and his inner circle so by piecing together all their statements to create a timeline of events the investors start to look far less innocent than how they portray themselves to be in the video.

It’s abundantly clear that Kurvitz was notoriously hard to work with. However, what’s also clear was the tremendous amount of stress everyone was under while also still being in the throes of burnout after working on the game nonstop for months. I think the investors (Kender, Haavel, and Kompus) purposefully set the team up for failure by creating impossible deadlines without informing the writers, approving Kurvitz and his inner circle to take time off while disallowing the others from taking theirs, and attempting to restructure the company in preparation to franchise Disco Elysium against Kurvitz wishes and thus he felt scared enough to push for his role to be de facto creative leader anywhere he could. What seems to be three full years of forcing everyone to crunch, miscommunicating when important deadlines were, setting impossible work standards to meet, and readying themselves to snatch more power within the company may have helped sow the seeds of animosity the writers began growing towards one another.

All of this is nothing new for those of us who have been keeping an eye on the drama from the start. We were told long in advance by the likes of Martin Luiga, who although left the project early on has been friends and worked alongside him for the better part of two decades, that Kurvitz possesses less than stellar leadership skills and that there was no merit in what the investors would end up accusing him of doing to warrant his dismissal. That confirmation was given long before the release of the PMG video and cements the idea in my mind that perhaps Kurvitz erratic behavior that was described by the current Studio ZA/UM employees was not the cause but rather a symptom of a much larger problem happening around him (i.e. a toxic work environment brought on by the investors using manipulation tactics to further stress and cause resentment amongst the collective). Yes, Kurvitz was at times uncooperative and dismissive towards his fellow employees, but this aspect of his character and the situation was played up to be a far greater problem in the PMG video than what the context suggests. I’m also inclined to believe this interpretation because Argo Tuulik, despite having legitimate, unresolved issues with his friend, does still regard Kurvitz very highly and even believes that he should still have artistic access to Elysium.  

When you think about it from this perspective, it makes perfect sense as to why Kurvitz was acting erratically around his fellow coworkers who eventually lashed out at him. On top of Kurvitz’s subpar leadership skills, he clearly was rapidly losing control of the situation which caused a great amount of stress for everybody involved as he scrambled in every which way to hold onto his position within the studio. It does not surprise me when it’s admitted by Sulonen that Kurvitz was thinking of taking the source code to potentially start over with a newly founded company since the situation was rapidly deteriorating and everyone was getting more and more frustrated with him and his inner circle. The impossible working conditions they found themselves in was a pressure cooker for the animosity and resentment building within the disillusioned group. Clearly the investors made their workers run themselves ragged in order to divide everyone and make it easier for them to take advantage of Kurvitz’s now frequent outbursts to finally push him out of their way.

Everything that I’ve said above can easily be discerned from the context clues found in the interviews from the current and former ZA/UM members. Which if you think about it is an unfortunate statement because Bratt does not seem to register the complaints of mismanagement by the hands of the investors from either side and instead only points the spotlight at Kurvitz’s past transgressions. What I am describing is one of the major issues I have with the PMG video. The video talking about the ongoing legal battle to determine if corporate fraud took place seemed to disproportionately focus on the problems Kurvitz and his inner circle had with other team members and not issuing a public apology to his former colleagues. Now that doesn’t sound all too bad on paper, right? If Kurvitz apologized, it could help begin the healing process and make for a good closer for the video. Well, that’s where the problem comes into play because Kurvitz response to Bratt’s request for comment regarding what Tuulik, Tamsalu, and Sulonen said about his poor conduct should not come as a surprise to anyone who had been paying attention. In the video, Bratt hails the email Kurvitz sent back to him as arrogant and dismissive which he then uses to accuse him of not standing with his fellow workers in solidarity and not taking accountability for his actions. However, right at the start of his interview, Kurvitz informs Bratt that at the behest of his lawyers he does not want the full interview to be published as they are worried Studio ZA/UM might take something he said as an admission of guilt and use it against him in a court of law. Therefore, when asked to comment about what his former colleagues said about him, he fires back an email that basically says that he wants the focus to be on the thing that really matters, the lawsuits and the shady activities of the investors. Bratt, clearly not liking his response, decided to attack his statement even though had Kurvitz given PMG what they wanted he could potentially be incriminating himself. Whether he denies or fully understands that his actions hurt others, the way he responded is 100% justified and did not deserve the level of vitriol he got from both Bratt and the public. It seems like a double standard that Ilmar Kompus can deny answering a question by claiming he cannot comment due to the ongoing lawsuit during his interview but when Kurvitz does it for the exact same reasons he is attacked. Again, Kurvitz is fully responsible to rectify the hurt he caused others but legally he’s in the clear and Bratt seemed to purposely neglect that aspect of the ongoing narrative.

Now, I’m not about to pull a whole reddit conspiracy in my write up. I do believe Chris Bratt, who directed this video, went into this with the very best of intentions to tell the full story with an emphasis on the workers who were affected by the situation. However, the problems that I’ve listed above make me worry what will be the takeaway from someone who is only a casual observer of the ZA/UM situation. Personally, I have been following this from the beginning so I’ve had a lot of time to develop my own insight into things but that’s usually not the case for most people. What I’m concerned about is whether Bratt may have unintentionally furthered the investors narrative by pushing people’s focus away from themselves and onto Kurvitz who has largely had the support of fans and outside viewers up until this point. Studio ZA/UM as it stands is desperate for a leg up in the PR battle it’s had with Kurvitz since October 1st, 2022. They lost so much support once the announcement was made that Kurvitz and his inner circle had been terminated, and lost even more upon the release of collage mode, that it makes logical sense that they want more people to be on their side so when the time comes for the studio to announce another game their reviews and sales numbers won’t immediately be tanked by angry fans. So, the fact that this video seemingly only held its focus on the misgivings of Kurvitz closing statement and personality instead of what is actually being fought over, alleged corporate fraud and theft of IP, may have unwittingly handed the investors that distraction that they have been looking for. Since the release of this video, I’ve seen an unfortunate mix of people arguing over the ethics of the situation, those switching sides to now support the studio, and outright calling for Kurvitz to lose the right to access his life’s work. This is not the outcome me and many other like minded fans want to see from this mess. At the end of the day, Elysium is Robert Kurvitz’s life work, and he deserves a chance to legally regain those rights even if he is a prideful and arrogant person. His personality should not dictate whether he is allowed to prove in a court of law that the investors took something that isn’t theirs. Bratt’s well-meaning but deeply misguided efforts to report on the ZA/UM situation may have done more harm than good. I consider this to be the biggest flaw of the video and the reason why the contents ultimately did not sit right with me despite the accuracy and importance of the reporting.  

Just as a quick reminder for those who aren’t entirely up to speed or want a refresher, the reason why Kurvitz and Studio ZA/UM are fighting over the IP rights in the first place started when Kurvitz was promised by the investors that if he signed over the rights to Elysium and his book he would eventually be able to buy back a portion of the shares to the company and upon release of the sequel buy back even more. At no point was anyone supposed to possess a majority percent of the shares in the company to remain equitable amongst all participants. So, Kurvitz signed this contract under the assumption that the investors would hold up their end of the bargain while in the short term he would get the funding needed to complete the rest of the game. Unfortunately, when Margus Linnamäe left his position within the company, Ilmar Kompus agreed to buy him out of his share allegedly using the money intended to produce the sequel thus acquiring the majority share which tipped the balance of power. Now, the IP rights are currently held by the company YESSIRNOSIR Ltd. which no one holds shares of but is still owned and controlled by sources within Studio ZA/UM. The lawsuit itself is Kurvitz claiming that the way Kompus bought into the majority share of the company was done illegally and should he be able to prove in a court of law that fraud took place it would immediately delegitimize and invalidate Kompus’s control which would then give Kurvitz and Rostov a chance to reclaim power along with all the subsidiaries of the company which includes YESSIRNOSIR Ltd.

From the way I saw it, it certainly felt like Bratt went out of his way to put blame on the deteriorating work environment and splintering of a two-decade old artist collective squarely on Robert Kurvitz shoulders. If I were to speculate, I think in his anger after not receiving the conclusion he had been hoping for from his interviewee, Bratt refused to acknowledge the very real fact that his hands are legally tied with the things that he can publicly talk about which had the unintentional consequence of villainizing Kurvitz. Bratt is still correct in his assessment that Kurvitz is arrogant and people were hurt by his actions but whether intentional or not misrepresenting how much Kurvitz and his inner circle was responsible for the strife while neglecting to even acknowledge the amount of meddling the investors were doing behind the scenes only detracts from his argument and puts into question who he’s really representing in his video.

[kate-rose-red]

a lot of this is probably obvious but it's my first time noticing it so 😭 enjoy a deep dive

“Our Love”, the song that plays over the scene where Vi turns herself in, is, in a vacuum, a classic 50’s-styled love song - in an authentic enough sense that it’s easy to be mistaken for a real, licensed song. But it was made specifically for the show, for this very moment. And when taken with its intended context, the visual language of the scene positions it as something deeper: a narrative expression of Vi’s thought process as she prepares to give herself up to the authorities. And her reasons for doing so: her love for Powder.

The design of the record of Our Love itself even seems to symbolize this.

Two girls, potentially sisters, orbiting each other - either floating in mid-air, or about to fall into the hole at the middle of the disc.

The beginning of the scene first illustrates a morose Powder taking refuge at the bar, intermixed with Vi breaking into the tip-off spot, and the feet of marching enforcers.

(The captions say “man grunts” but, that’s definitely the pantleg of young Vi’s design, and that’s clearly Hailee Steinfeld’s voice grunting 😭.)

Powder’s mind is on her sister, in the form of the rabbit she gifted her before she left (which will go on to symbolize Vi, and Jinx’s relationship to her, in a more major way Acts 4 and beyond.) Vi’s words clearly worried her, and the effect of that reveals Powder’s own love for Vi.

As the song ramps up from its slower, moodier beginnings, the realization of the impact of this action falls over Vander, the audience, and Vi.

Cinematically, it turns into a long, slow zoom in on Vi - her demeanor growing from resigned and downtrodden, her head bowed and her hands clasped, to ready and determined - standing up by the scenes end.

The bridge between those two states being a cut back to Powder feels intentional. As do the lyrics;

And the apprehension in her eyes, even as she does rise to accept her fate, really captures the ultimate irony of them.

“With you.”

For all the lyrics both support and re-enforce Vi’s reasons for doing this, by describing Powder as someone who bolsters her strength,

(A subversion of the idea that Powder solely relies on Vi for strength.)

As well as proclaiming that through their love, they’ve been able to whether hardships like this in the past, and will continue to do so,

It also subverts them. She’s doing this out of love for her sister, but she won’t be there to love her sister, or vice versa, by the time this is over (at least, so she believes). And that’s a sacrifice for both of them. A lot of these lyrics can apply to both of them, in fact.

But I still believe the song is specifically from the perspective of Vi. Because she’s the one who has always forced herself to “move on”, to “stay strong” - and this song is an illustration of where that strength comes from. Love, and a desire to protect, specifically her sister.

Because, partially out of necessity, they’ve found in each other the one positive thing they could rely on in a society dedicated to their destruction and misery - and here, is threatened to be destroyed by that very society. By series end, it arguably has. But there’s still that love there. And we, like Vi, can only hope that’s enough.

[leftclown]

So now I'm gonna move on and actually describe an experience I have had as a trans man who is currently detransitioned due to financial status. This experience involves both misogyny and transphobia, and I'm not really here to debate weather or not I Can experience these things, instead I'm just going to share it.

So I guess somewhat important context to this is that I am rather feminine by appearence. If you encountered me in the wild you'd think I was the hoodie and cookie monster pajama girl from high school. My partner, also not currently receiving gender affirming care passes a bit better than me. He at the very least gives people pause or incites confusion. Usually, though, people just assume he's a young man.

I was going to get a state ID because I had moved recently to another state. My ID from my previous state had my gender marked as M because I went through the due process to get that done. New home state has a policy that if youre from out of state you have to get your ID processed at the police station. My partner is also trans and had gone a week prior to get his done, and they had respected his ID's gender marker, moving all of his information from the out of state record.

I go in and of course I am marked F, so upon reviewing it I said thats incorrect, because my ID says M. We go back and forth and I eventually produce my partner's ID and say "you did it for him just last week". Big mistake on my part because I'm honestly still learning how not to give people like this the benefit of the doubt. Regardless, they go to their manager to figure out what to do.

A few minutes later I am called alone into the managers office. Here's a shortlist of this meeting;

-Thet confiscated my partners ID without him present

-Told me my due process didn't matter, that I can only change it if I had a letter saying I had already had SRS.

-Took my previous ID and voided it so I couldn't change my birth certificate

-Made me submit my ID as F

-Tell me my partner has to come in to correct his to F as well

This all happens very quickly, and I try to advocate for myself and lose. By the end of it, I am crying a bit and I mutter to myself "This is fucking insane".

This is the part that really fucked me up.

The manager stepped forward toward me, holding her hands in that defensive position, the one cops to do say 'I'm calm but prepared to use force', you know where they tilt their hips forward and rest their hands on the front of their belt. She tells me "I understand you're upset, but there is no swearing in here."

I am a nearly 30 year old MAN. And she is trying to tell me not to swear like I'm some teenager giving her lip.

"I'm not from here, this is just how I talk" I say, not yet realizing that she is trying to instigate. She prods this issue again, trying to detract me, trying to get me to cuss more. Trying to rile me up. I become quiet and still, thank them for their time and leave. She called me Sweetheart as I left.

And there is nothing I can do in this situation. Im dealing with cops in a red state. There's nothing I can do but cave to the authority because my plans are bigger than this. Because to further advocate is to put myself in danger and she made that very clear by drawing a line at me swearing. So I submit.

Submitting in a situation like this feels like your power is being taken from you. Like they are physically removing something from your arms and trying to get it back would be a major risk. It's not just that someone is stepping on me, it's that theyre telling me politely to get on the ground so I can be stepped on. It felt especially oppressive in this scenario, but it always feels like this. In the workplace, in social group, in family, a trans man is the least respectable thing you can be because not only are you a woman, but you're a crazy, damaged woman and if you're me you get ire for being a waste of a pretty face.

There's always a timeline too, it can be long or short but it always goes like this; People receive me initially with feigned tolerance and some mild comparisons to my partner's masculinity. Then they start poking and pushing and trying to see if I'm really a trans man in ways they think is subtle but to me is very unsubtle. Eventually, when they've disrespected me to the point of reacting emotionally, they act like they've gotten their gotcha moment because I've displayed the Ultimate Thing that makes you Not A Man: Tears. Most of them don't even need to get to there to conclude I'm a trender because well if I'm already almost 30 and haven't transitioned, I must not want it bad enough.

I'm sharing this story not just because it displays the intersections of being a trans man, how hard it is to obtain respect and how fragile that respect is, but also because I know there are guys out there who are like me. I see you, you with the puffy lips and round hips, you who can't transition right now, you who feels like he's waiting for a some day, for a time when it's just okay to exist out there and be treated with the basic fucking dignity of telling someone "Hi, I'm Dave" and having them reply without looking at your tits first. Who has beat himself up in the quiet hours for years for being too emotional, too feminine, feeling assaulted by the way the world wants to commodify your body and demonize your mind. You deserve to be seen and respected.

[doyouremem8erme]

Hii can I share a new Marcy Harm idea with you?? A sort of Raised in Amphibia AU with a twist - as soon as Andrias took little Marcy in, he realized she was insanely intelligent, like as a toddler and all she would beat him at flipwart and read complex science books and stuff, like this kid's IQ is through the ROOF. So being a bit of a sciency guy himself he thought, mmmm what if we exchange the Core's current digital hardware for a biological one? The human brain is stronger than any computer in the multiverse. Not only is he giving the Core a body, but a whole new level of software processing like this kid's grey matter is insaneeee just imagine all the weird immortal AI processes you can run in it!

So ever since she's little he basically grooms her into being the perfect host. She spends all her time either connected to weird wires that go deep into her nervous system to prepare her for the Core, or being made to solve puzzles and learn languages and do all of this stuff to exercise her brain. She's super young when the Core is transported into her and Marcy kinda... ceases to exist? She's vaguely conscious of her surroundings but it's not like she has any sense of self or awareness of what's going on. She's like an expectator who can't think feel or understand anything. Her brain is being used by someone else.

So when Anne and Sasha, who also grew up in Amphibia, eventually fight this big bad that's been threatening their world, they're surprised to find out it wasn't like... a robot or a newt in a weird suit, but a small human girl that looks roughly their age and can barely form a word and doesn't know her own name or what's going on. Their entire lives they thought they were the only two humans in Amphibia! They're definitely bringing this one over to the Plantars' farm. If only she could understand what's happening around her. She was a piece of hardware, right? She was a machine. She was vaguely aware of that. She was The Core, or at least its processing system. She doesn't know she's a person.

ohhh this reminds me a lot of my old omelas au except without utterly butchering the concepts of ursela k le guin's work. i LOVE it

and back when i was working on that au i went down a pretty disturbing wikipedia rabbit hole about what it would be like to try to recover from really extreme levels of mental neglect and lemme just say that after they free her . it would take something close to a miracle to let her live a normal life.

now that youve made me think abt this concept again tho i am GOING to be rotating it in my brain so very hard like. in my old fic i hadnt put much thought into how marcy had ended up in that situation but. now. i cant stop thinking about like . anne and sasha finally finding this other human and shes completely broken from being used like that for so so so long. seeing that done to someone. thats a level of horror worse than any of the scary wildlife in amphibia . andrias is SO fucking dead for this one

anyways just for fun heres the opening of the ones who walk away from newtopia. this is super super old. for context it was a human au + olivia is andrias's daughter in it.

i never fully decided how much of this was marcy being used by the core to like. make its choices for how best to rule this utopia and how much it was some kinda karmic magic where all the suffering that would otherwise exist rested solely on her shoulders . but i think the implication was that she was gonna get the core fully downloaded into her at the end there? idk its been a long long time

ok i should probably go leave to go vote!!! yay!!! but i will be THINKING about this. oughhhh used as the cores computer her whole life thats good

[merlincersei]

Merlin BBC UK TV Show - A Psychological Analysis Series Part 11

Season 2 Episode 9 - “ The Lady of the Lake”

Writing this post proved to be a challenge as I had to condense all my thoughts and ideas in a coherent manner without it being all over the place.

While providing a synopsis of the episode, I will be highlighting the subliminal themes portrayed here in CAPITAL LETTERS AS WELL AS MY ANALYSIS to cover every aspect of the episode.

____________________________________________________________

Merlin is introduced to the character of Freya, a Druid girl trapped in a bounty hunter's cage (RESTRICTION) belonging to a man named Halig.

Despite Gaius's warnings not to interfere and against a background of a stormy night (INTERNAL CONFLICT) Merlin openly uses magic (QUEERNESS) in-front of Freya to reassure her that he is there to help and frees her, before narrowly escaping Halig.

Merlin hides the girl in the catacombs (THE PLACE THE OVERWROUGHT SUBCONSCIOUS MIND BURIES ALL OF THE PROBLEMS AND SECRETS ) beneath Camelot (SOCIETY) and promises to look after her.

She asks Merlin why he saved her and he says it could have easily been him in the cage (BOTH MERLIN AND FREYA ARE MAGICAL CREATURES LIVING IN A SOCIETY THAT CONDEMNS THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE)

Halig goes to Uther and notifies him of Freya's escape with the help of an accomplice. Uther assigns a detachment of guards to capture them.

The next 30 minutes of the episode becomes the main core of my analysis.

_____________________________________________________________

Merlin performing domestic duties for Arthur:

IN THE PATRIARCHIAL WORLD OF UTHER'S CAMELOT, MERLIN PERFORMS TASKS WHICH ARE CONSIDERED FEMININE.

MERLIN PREPARES AND SERVES ARTHUR FOOD.

MERLIN PREPARES ARTHUR'S BATH.

MERLIN CLEANS ARTHUR'S CLOTHES AND SHOES.

MERLIN FUSSES OVER ARTHURS WEIGHT AND APPEARANCE.

ALL WHICH HE DOES EVERYDAY FOR WHICH HE IS NEVER APPRECIATED OR THANKED.

SOUNDS LIKE A COMPLAINT A LOT OF WIVES HAVE.

_____________________________________________________________

Arthur views Merlin as feminine and lacking masculine traits:

ARTHUR SEES MERLIN CARRYING A BLACK DRESS AND ASSUMES IT IS FOR MERLIN HIMSELF

_____________________________________________________________

Merlin steals food from Arthur to give it to Freya:

FOOD AND SEX HAVE BEEN ASSOCIATED FROM ANTIQUITY.

EVEN MODERN STUDIES HAVE CONFIRMED THE STRONG CONNECTION BETWEEN SEX AND FOOD.

SOURCE: https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Correlations-between-sex-and-eating-variables_tbl1_290219210

JUDEO-CHRISTIANITY SEES GLUTTONY AND LUST AS INTERCHANGEABLE, BOTH SINS OF THE FLESH.

IN MEDIEVAL TIMES, AN UNFAITHFUL WIFE WAS OFTEN ACCUSED OF HIDING FOOD FROM HER HUSBAND ONLY TO GIVE IT TO HER LOVER (MAKING HER ADULTERY AN ECONOMIC PROBLEM AS WELL).

USING THE CONTEXT ABOVE, IT IS QUITE FUNNY TO SEE HOW MERLIN STEALS FLESH (MEAT) FROM ARTHUR TO GIVE IT TO FREYA.

_____________________________________________________________

Freya reveals to Merlin that she is cursed:

HERE THE CURSE THAT FREYA IS TALKING ABOUT IS HER BEING A TRANSGENDER PERSON.

THERE ARE FEW BETTER SYMBOLS FOR SOMEONE GOING THROUGH THE PROCESS OF FEMALE-TO-MALE TRANSITION THAN THE HUMAN TO CREATURE TRANSFORMATION TROPE.

WHEN YOU ARE ON HRT TESTOSTERONE THERAPY, MOST PEOPLE BECOME HAIRIER AND STRONGER AND GAIN MUSCLE, WHICH IS VERY SIMILAR TO THE BASTET CREATURE TRANSFORMATION BY FREYA.

PLEASE NOTE, I AM NOT SAYING THAT TRANSGENDER PEOPLE ARE CURSED. I AM SIMPLY SAYING IT CAN FEEL LIKE A CURSE CONSIDERING THE BIGOTRY AND HATE TRANSGENDER PEOPLE FACE.

______________________________________________________________

Freya and Merlin profess their love for each other and kiss.

Against this background, Halig is narrowing in on Freya's hideout.

Freya decides to escape Camelot, believing that Merlin is better off without her. She is then confronted by Arthur, Halig and a group of knights.

Arthur manages to badly wound Freya in her Bastet form before being distracted by a gargoyle which was toppled by Merlin.( IT IS A REAL COINCIDENCE THAT ARTHUR ATTACKS FREYA WHO HAD KISSED MERLIN A FEW MOMENTS AGO, SIMILARLY TO HOW ARTHUR WOULD ATTACK LANCELOT FOR KISSING GWEN IN SEASON 4 EPISODE 9)

Merlin runs after Freya to find her mortally wounded. (IT IS THE OBJECT OF MERLIN’S HOMOSEXUAL DESIRES (ARTHUR) WHO KILLS THE OBJECT OF HIS HETEROSEXUAL DESIRE (FREYA) )

A heartbroken Merlin places her body on a boat and uses his magic to give her a traditional funeral by the lake. (I THOUGHT IT WAS VERY POIGNANT IN HINDSIGHT BECAUSE ONCE FREYA DIES AND BECOMES LADY OF THE LAKE THESE TWO NEVER SHARE A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP AGAIN. SHE IS LITERALLY SUBMERGED INTO THE LAKE WHICH IS A METPHAPHOR FOR MERLIN’S CONCIOUSNESS. LOCKED AWAY FOREVER)

Back at Camelot, Arthur aware that Merlin is upset helps cheer him up before delegating him more tasks. (MERLIN'S HOMOSEXUALITY HAS FINALLY WON OUT AND HE HAS ACCEPTED HIS DESTINY I.E ARTHUR ROFLMAO. PRIOR TO THIS EPISODE MERLIN DID SHOW HINTS OF ATTRACTION TOWARDS THE OPPOSITE SEX. THIS IS EVIDENCED BY HIM ADMIRING MORGANA IN SEASON 1 EPISODE 1 AND NIMUEH IN SEASON 1 EPISODE 4. HOWEVER FROM THIS EPISODE ON, MERLIN SHOWS NO ATTRACTION TO ANY FEMALE CHARACTER WHAT SO EVER. THIS IS EXPRESSED EXPLICITLY IN SEASON 4 EPISODE 8 WHERE THE LAMIA SEEMS TO BE ABLE TO ENCHANT ALL THE MEN EXCEPT MERLIN. GWEN EVEN ASKS WHY EVERY MAN EXCEPT MERLIN HAS BEEN ENCHANTED.)

I TRULY ENJOYED THIS EPISODE AS IT IS RIFE WITH SYMBOLISM FOR ME TO PICK APART AND ANALYZE !