#context is that they have - Twice This Week - planned things at the last second

[sunsrefuge]

im gonna have to expedite figuring out comm prices & hope for the best because my job is getting so unbearable lmao

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

There were more than a couple of shows ending this week. And when that happens I go to my mdl page and click that box that says completed.

Sometimes it's with the feeling of "finally,it's over", and sometimes just that little action makes a bit sad. Playboyy is in the first category, I will not elaborate. I will just say a few words about the shows that this week are part of the second category.

I ticked that box twice yesterday and once just an hour ago. My heart is full, the joy is overwhelming and the bit of sadness that comes from the end of something I love has settled a bit (not really but let's pretend).

Perfect Propose was a gift. I didn't see it coming, and I was hooked from the first minute. Even with the shorter running time, Kai already occupies a special place in my heart and will join others as one of my favourite bl characters of all time. I don't think it's any secret for anyone that follows me that jbl has a special place in my heart. Maybe because it was my first, or maybe just because it's better my taste. But in 6 short episodes we got to see these characters confront their own issues and grow into themselves and each other, and still managed to have a story that incorporated workplace criticism without detracting from the love story which is super impressive. I wanted more because I could keep watching them but it felt complete.

Ossan's Love Returns was another surprise. Because I wasn't planning on watching. Mostly because I thought it wouldn't be my thing (crazy talk) and also because I would have to go back and watch everything that came before. But then, @twig-tea, as usual being the voice of reason, told me to just watch this season. And, not that they are on the same level in my heart, but this show filled a little bit of the hole left by WDYEY. It wasn't a perfect season. And I liked some characters more than others but in the end, this family had me in tears. This episode was beautiful. The speeches for Haruta got me so emotional, and then the cherry blossoms and the last fight between Maki and Kurosawa ending with the "We are family" left me with tears in my eyes that came back today as I was giffing it. It's amazing to me that this show has the success that it does and it gives me hope that we might get more stories like this. (Would also like to take a moment to thank @isaksbestpillow for subbing the episodes and giving us more cultural context so we can fully appreciate this show)

I LOVE cherry magic. All of it. I love the manga, I love the japanese version, the thai version and the anime version. Give me all of it. Forever. And so I was cautiously optimistic about this one. Optimistic because I really like Tay/New, cautious because in my brain I could only see how they could ruin one of my favourite stories. I didn't have to be. This was wonderful. I really wanna re-read the manga in its entirety because I wanna see how it compares now that it's over. Not to criticize it or be able to spot what they got wrong but to appreciate the changes they made and why it worked so well. Because the things that I noticed were really well done.

Not to repeat myself but... I LOVE Kurosawa/Karan. All the versions. I need more of him. I think from the main four, he's the one, that I notice changes more from version to version. And I love them all. I mean, Tay Tawan is a beautiful human. And his Karan had me practically swooning on a weekly basis. And I'm not a swooner. I loved New as Adachi, I think he embodied the character really well and I thoroughly enjoyed all his facial expressions. I loved this version of Minato and Tsuge more than the japanese version. I think it was more fleshed out and more balanced and obviously it was helped by the longer runtime. Even Pai and Rock had my heart by the end. It was so good.

_

I need more shows like the ones above and I'll be waiting for the next one that consumes me. In the mean time, I guess I'm gonna go watch some kids being awful to each other. Balance is good. 💜

[rodolfoparras]

from the rdr2 ask

r is reader akssjsjs 😭 and rdr2 is like 1899 wild west cowboys set in usa (for context)

I'm thinking r gets up on his horse (who's actually a horse of one of the men he killed), he looks back once again, the white of his eyes standing out in the blood covering his face, and catches gaz's eyes. it's a silent goodbye, but not one on a good note. r gallops away from where the 141 has set camp, not knowing where to go next or even where he's going to get a meal or sleep tonight. honestly he fall asleep right now from how exhausted he is from the fight and the lack of sleep the last few days, but he keeps riding till he's certain no one has followed him, then finds a nice tree to pass out under.

meanwhile, back at the camp, gaz is at a loss of words. people he considered family, people that Are his family lied to him about you. worse than that, they left you out to die, after gaz had been the one to save you. when they first met you, you were apprehensive of tagging along w them, not wanting to be a burden, and gaz reassured you it's okay. and all he can think of now is how you must think that gaz's promises meant nothing. and he knows you'd be right to think so when the people he trusted the most have betrayed him like this. he asks them one simple thing, "why?" he didn't shout or look angry, but everyone knew better than to think he wasn't. he was fuming.

"kyle, you can't expect us to just up and trust some stranger. you know we have plans in motion, plans that we can't risk anyone else getting the wind of..." price spoke up.

"so you left him to die? if that is what we are now, I want no part of it," gaz said, and he could almost see soap's eyes bulge out at the insinuation of leaving. they might be wary of outsiders, but they still love gaz dearly. and gaz loves them too, and deep down he knows he could never really leave them.

"i wasn't going to wait for him to slit our throats in our sleep, yeah?" soap said in frustration and a second later price and ghost had to break gaz's grip on his throat, pushing them apart.

"why do you even care so much, eh? in love w the lad or what?" soap coughs out, and the look on gaz's face says everything. first the knowledge of gaz possibly caring about this stranger sinks in, then comes the dread of what they did to the man gaz cared about, their heads now hanging low. ghost tries to say smth, but it's too late and gaz is storming off, trying to find some place to be alone.

he settles down near the stream, he tells himself he has to accept the fact that he might never see you again. that is if you're alive. he's so worried about you, wondering how you manage the injuries all on your own, just one horse to keep you company, the blood soaked clothes on your back, and not much else. by god, he's so worried about you he could cry. and he knows even if he sees you again, you'll want nothing to do w him. he can't go after you. he can't bear to see the faces of his family, the people he asked you to trust, after they've all but stabbed you in the back. so he sits alone, and thinks and think and thinks.

he thinks about how you must've felt, when left alone in the middle of an already unfair gunfight. he can't imagine what that feeling of being completely alone in the middle of certain death must've felt like. but then he thinks about how you made it out anyways. always fighting death. he thinks of how he's seen you survive against all odds, cheating death twice in the time he's known you. he hopes that you live through the aftermath of the fight too. and he hopes to find you again some time. he hopes he can get the chance to apologize and maybe, just maybe you'll believe him. he wants to hold you, he wants to tell you all the things he wasn't brave enough to in the 10 weeks you travelled w them. he hopes he hasn't missed his chance.

-❕️

SUGAR THIS WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL READ IM BEING SO SERIOUS THIS IS SO WELL WRITTEN I LOVED THIS you can genuinely feel how sad gaz is for reader and how torn he feels being in the position that he is in it’s also very clear he absolutely loves reader please 🧎🏻‍♂️ BUT WHY ANOTHER CLIFF HANGER IM GOING TO SCREAM

[isa-ah]

sure why not. nightmare rankings with context lets go

the first one ive had by far the most times.

the second was the most disorienting thing ive ever experienced.

the third the most emotionally devastating.

and the fourth the most physically reactive ive ever been to a dream.

the short of it: my mom got knocked up at 15 so i was raised by my grandparents exclusively. my grandma had breast cancer and my grandfather had really bad diabetes so i was raised to be a caregiver. i dropped out of school at 13 to be home fulltime and then a few weeks before my 18th my grandma died and a few weeks after my 18th my grandpa died.

we lived in a tiny rotting house, holes in the walls and ceiling that would let in snakes, bugs and wolf spiders, with no heating or cooling way out in the sticks. like 45 minutes outside of the nearest town which had 1 stoplight. we were living off of a single disability check every month which meant we only got to grocery shop once a month and my grandma had to give up on chemo after her cancer spread all over her body.

my grandfathers family has a history of suicide so ig it wouldnt surprise anyone to know he wanted to die before my grandma and tried to achieve this thru doing no physical therapy, eating like shit, & staunchly refusing to Ever go to the doctors or hospital. he would have huge outbursts when it was just the two of us about how hes dying too and no one cares and no one loves him and he wants to die. my grandma would likewise have outbursts where shed lock herself in the bathroom right across from my bedroom and wail that she was ugly now and no one loved her and she was dying.

as their caregiver i took a LOT of personal responsibility in trying to keep them alive. i would sleep in 30 minute intervals and wake up at the slightest noise in the house. they would stumble or fall and id have to scoop them up despite being smaller than either of them. bc my diet consisted almost completely of food i couldnt digest (that kept me in severe agony and lead to an insane nutritional deficit) i was going through one to two 32 packs of soda a week to fuel myself.

we would attempt to hire nurses but as they both got treatment in richmond almost 3 hours away the nurses would only ever come once or twice before quitting. the last one we ever had taught me how to access my grandmas port, clean it, administer the medication, and then properly close it again.

my grandma died around 4am the day we were planning to go see her. my grandfather was in the hospital at the time so we went to tell him as a family, to his face, but everyone else left the instant he started crying so i had to crawl into his hospital bed and hold him while he wailed into my neck. it was visceral.

when he came home, he really did his best though. he went to all of his doctors appointments, changed his whole diet & started doing physical therapy every day. we decided we would get through this together. we would be unstoppable. we could make it. my grandmother died in november, i turned 18 in december, and so as we hedged on new years we decided we could figure this out in the coming clean slate. we would be okay.

until i went out 4am new years morning and found him sweaty and despondent. i made a series of phonecalls promising all the while he would be okay and holding his hand as he went thru several seizures. finally, despite the emergency squads best attempts, he died right there in our living room. right in front of me, my new future was gone.

now, because i had turned 18, no one in my family was obligated to do anything with me after that. they left me in that house for months, alone, in the dead of winter with no heating or cable or anything to keep me sane.

our house had been set up so that i, the caregiver, could check on my grandparents from my bedroom door. it was muscle memory. i step out to use the bathroom across the hall and i glance left (my grandmas hospital bed) and then i glance right (my grandfathers recliner). and it didnt stop just because they were dead and i was alone.

occasionally someone would drop off pity groceries but that was it. i had no job, no license, no prospects. i was wracked with grief and guilt. this was my fault. i was their caregiver. i should have done better. i should have been better. i should have reacted faster. i should have advocated more. (i should have been an adult).

as you can imagine, those elapsing months were BAD. i think i spent most of it asleep. without cable, i had no one i could listen to speak to fill the silence of our house so i put on the first two hobbit movies- i had them on dvd- with my xbox and i played them. and played them. and played them. the entire time. i know both of them verbatim.

this is where the first nightmare were going to talk about comes in.

i would wander, late at night, out of my dark bedroom to the living room. because our house was so small, the living room was also the dining room, and had both the front and back doors in it. my grandpas tv would be on, shining a blinding blue white light into the living room that would be the only light.

our back door was a wall of glass on old sliding tracks. i would run to it, to the featureless black void beyond it, and lock it. and then i would hear the front door begin to creak open and bolt across the living room to slam the door shut and lock it too.

behind me, the back door would slide ajar.

and then again, the front door.

the locks were futile, they didnt work, and while i never saw what was outside i knew it wanted in and i knew it was bad.

isolated, that nightmare isnt anything really. its not very memorable, and from an outside perspective, its not very scary. it felt like it to me though, alone out there like that, alone in all the world and wracked with guilt and fear. it was immense to me then.

no.. beyond that, what makes that nightmare unique, is that i had it again. and again. and again. and every single time i fell asleep for the next 3 years. it didnt matter if it was one of my 30 minute overnight shift naps (because those didnt just go away when my grandparents died, that was hard wired from doing it my entire life), if it was broad daylight and i was napping in the passengers seat of a car, or if id just briefly dozed off at the keyboard.

every single time i fell asleep, i would have the same nightmare.

it would change marginally, in that sometimes my grandparents (one or both) would be sat in front of the tv. they both wore glasses so their eyes were entirely obscured by the bright white reflection of the flickering tv, and their skin would be slate blue-grey. entirely unreactive to me, or anything i said or did. sometimes id know they were dead, and others id beg them to see me. it never made a difference.

after months of being in that house, my aunt decided because shes a saint, she would take me in. but because i was 18 i was a legal adult and she had no responsibility to make sure i was okay or seen to. in the depths of manic depression, i had no idea which way was up, but she truly could not have cared less.

i lived there for two years, and while my cousins were a salve on my loneliness, their mother was horrific to me. she gaslit me so consistently, so entirely, that i would believe anything she told me. id spend five hours a day doing a list of chores shed given me, then shed come home and reveal a trap shed lain to catch me slacking off and tell me i was a useless lying piece of shit and needed to stop bullshitting that i had done anything and actually do it. so i would agree, and spend another 5 hours cleaning again. every single day i had off.

as you can imagine, i started lying about my work schedule and found excuses to spend hours upon hours at the local target, just milling around waiting until it was late enough to go home and go to bed.

it hit a head when she put her hands on my neck and demanded i thank her for being so gracious, tell her i love her, and then hug her. i called my mom after that (useless woman that she is) and begged for her to come get me.

here, at my moms house, is where the next nightmare comes into play.

as you can imagine, after two years of having the same nightmare every time i shut my eyes, i was getting wary. i didnt WANT to sleep anymore. i didnt want to keep having that dream. so armed with 2 brothers on different sleep schedules, i would waste as much time as i possibly could staying awake.

except, did you know sleep deprivation just makes nightmares worse? and avoiding your problems doesnt actually fix anything?

after months of this, i finally collapsed exhausted into bed, and experienced a new nightmare entirely.

i woke up, from my brothers bed where id fallen asleep, and wandered out into the house. it was still daylight, just like when id laid down, and i heard my mom call and ask me to do the dishes. sure. easy enough.

except, as i stand there at her sink washing the dishes, i begin to experience this creeping unease. this unreality, this shift on its axis that makes me nauseous and scared. and i call for my mom, "somethings wrong! mom! somethings wrong please come here! mom!"

to my horror, the spoon in my hands begins to melt and bend at my every touch and i stumble back from the sink. in horror, my knees give out, and i sink to the kitchen floor screaming for help, please please help me. somethings wrong with me please help me.

in a jolt, i wake up. im on the couch and its dusk out. i slept later than i meant to- way later. i check the time and its the tail end of when i was scheduled to work today. i panic, jumping to my feet and hollering at the family around me watching tv- "i work today! i was supposed to be at work! you guys know that, why didnt you wake me up!" my panic and frustration rose as i was entirely ignored and in a raw screaming instant, i jolted myself awake.

i was sitting in my brothers bed. it was daylight out, just like when i fell asleep. exhausted, but relieved the nightmares were over, i sat there with my feet planted on the floor trying to put them into words. my mom, sensing my unease, knocked on the doorframe and came to sit beside me.

"have you packed?" packed? for what? "youre going to be late." late? "youll miss the bus." what bus?

"to go visit grandma."

wait.. what? no thats- what?

"you need to pack, or youll miss the bus to go visit grandma."

thats not right. shes dead. mom- mom what are you saying? theres no- thats not-

as my unreality and fear bubble up bright in my chest, i heave myself off of the bed, and in an instant i jolt awake. laying in my brothers bed. it was daylight out, just like when i fell asleep.

i lay there, silent, still, panting. am i awake? am i awake now? what the fuck is happening to me?

slowly, i sit up on my elbows, just barely obscured by the headboard i notice something. a leathery spider egg. and as im realizing what it is, it bursts, and ten thousand tiny spiders come spilling out of it. terrified, for some idiotic reason my first response is to grab for my phone and whip out my camera. but as i bring it up, the spiders vanish. and its just me, alone in the room again.

and i realize with a horrible bottoming out that i dont know if im awake or not.

that feeling didnt go away for weeks.

id woken up drunk off of the nightmares and hallucinated the spiders- but i had been awake that time, really. it was difficult to convince myself of that, though, and the unreality just waiting to rip me up and into another false awakening plagued me for ages thereafter.

it was a really good way to make me stop depriving myself of sleep though lol ive never gotten that bad again since.

time moves on, and so do i. my mom kicked me out of my brothers room and made me sleep on a mattress in their filthy kitchen between the litter boxes and under the ants favorite window, which was my cue to leave. i moved cross country with my then-boyfriend and finally, finally, began to heal.

these last two are far more recent. one was from last year, and the other just a few nights ago.

i dreamt i was in my childhood home. my grandma had just died and it was me and my grandfather, lit only by the cool grey of an overcast sky outside. i was in the kitchen, asking what he wanted for dinner, when he began to stagger in the living room. i whipped around the corner to catch him, and before my very eyes his skin began to bruise.

theres a way, when a person dies, that the blood begins to settle wherever their skin meets the ground. dark ugly red-purple bruises, veins visible, mottled skin.

before my eyes, he was beginning to look just like he had that morning when the hospital finally let us see his body. i asked him what was wrong and he said he just needs to use the bathroom. he just needs to get to the toilet. so i walked him down the hall and into the bathroom and once the door was firmly locked between us, he told me,

"i did something i shouldnt have. those poisonous mushrooms- i ate them. im going to die."

and i realized in that moment that his insides were being liquified by the things. that his "need" to use the toilet was about to be a complete and utter disembowelment.

instantly, i reacted, trying to throw the door open with my shoulder, twisting the knob, begging him to open it. please please please. how could you do this. how could you do this to me. this isnt fair. please. we can fix it. please please we can fix it let me in.

please at least let me cook you dinner first. please.

please dont leave me.

i screamed myself hoarse and cried so hard i woke myself up. ive never had a dream make me cry so hard, for so long. it sat on my shoulders for weeks, weighing me down, putting me on a hairpin trigger for tears i hadnt been on in years. it felt like grief, raw and new, all over again.

and finally, this last one. it is in the ranking for the most physically id ever been effected by a dream. good god.

i was perched on the edge of a chair in a hospital room, staring at my grandmothers corpse. she was laid back, slanted somewhat to the side. bald, skinny, purple. i sat. and i stared.

the window over her head was pitch black, slate just like the old nightmares, and i was only ever vaguely aware of it. in a blink- literally- she was up. sat up, smiling, chubby with her wig on and her glasses perched on her head. she had done her makeup and the window behind her was lit up in the cool greys of dawn.

"well dont look at me like that- i just got here!" and with a laugh she gestured me over.

i threw my head back and called for a nurse, but when i turned back, already lifting myself out of my seat to run to her, she was again bald and slumped and darkness prevailed.

the nurse came through and sucked her teeth. "shes still dead, darlin'. i dont know what you want me to do about it." and with a sneer, she was gone again.

my eyes searched my grandmothers face, and after a few seconds of held breath, her eyelids began to roll and her lashes fluttered open. and again, she smiled at me and beckoned me closer.

collapsed onto her, exclaiming i missed you i missed you i love you. and she laughed and said the same. she gave me a kiss, then gestured me in for a hug and of course i complied. i missed her more than life and here she was, she was back, of course of course id hug her.

but as my arms scooped beneath her armpits to lift her into me, the face against my throat went cold, and hard, and the arm i had propped up swung stiff with rigor mortis and bounced off of me.

when i say that nightmare left me in a daze, im not sure how else id even put it. i was shaking head to toe, on the verge of vomiting, vision tunneling and blurring continually as i stumbled through the house. it was early- around 5am when i woke up- so i was alone. i sat down at the kitchen table and lost an hour to it.

around 6 i woke my husband up in much the same state, tear drenched and trembling, curling into myself to stay standing, and by seven he had managed to bring me back down to earth. ive never had a physical reaction like that at all, nevermind so long, and so severe. it was fcking awful.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not accepting an apology even though it was sincere?

I have been close friends with someone (A) for about five years. This spring I planned to go on a solo trip, but opened it up to my friends (A and B) because I'm moving away. The two agreed that they wanted to go, but had to see if their schedules were okay. A asked if another person (C) I'm not so close to, but enjoy the company of when I do see them could join since A and C were originally planning a different trip together. I said of course, accepting that the only time we can go is a time that isn't really what I wanted (busy touristy season), but we can work it out.

About a month before the trip, we finally get together to plan. Despite being driven by A and C, I'm the last person to hear that they plan to do both trips, so they're only partially joining ours. I only hear this because A whispered it to B while I was finishing paying for my portion of lunch. I don't bring it up because I don't want to start anything, but on the car ride home I tell A and C that what they did was rude and hurt my feelings. B and I get a hotel for the four of us and buy plane tickets for the days we'll be there and we wait to rent a car until we hear the date A and C will fly in.

Two weeks before our trip, B messages me that they're not joining us at all and instead will do their original trip. I had to cancel the hotel room for a cheaper one and deal with the fact that we planned everything on their schedule. If B and I went alone, we would have done more convenient dates for both of us, as well as us being able to rent a car. and the main activity I wanted to do only had one option I didn't like, so I would have had an easier time with that, too.

After both of our trips, I messaged B that I no longer want to be their friend and explained how it was rude for them two hurt me twice in a row like that and why the trip was important to me. They sent many messages and over-explained themselves to be clear and communicative because I said I need that in a relationship, but I'm not one who believes in second chances and even if I did they already got one. I just don't think change can come in a day. I know this was a group trip, though, and a lot of my side of the arguments are about how things would have been better for me, so I feel like I am an ass about being selfish in what I wanted to do and when I wanted to go, but since they didn't even go at all, I feel like I should be able to feel those things.

While this relationship won't change (I would feel like a bigger ass going, "lmao I changed my mind"), I want to know in future contexts… AITA for not accepting that apology? tl;dr: A friend decided to go on a trip, decided to only go for half the time, and then decided to not go at all despite everyone else having to plan around them. I called them out twice to not communicating well and will not accept their apology and ended the friendship.

What are these acronyms?

[usedpidemo]

Update - 2nd year anniversary! (plus a reflection, and future plans).

Hi everyone! π here.

Today, May 13th, is the day I officially opened up this blog and began writing degenerate and immoral stories! 2 fucking years have passed, how time flies. So much can change in a year, and so do some of the stats!

First work: Sandwich - Red Velvet Wendy (published 05/13/21, 4:03 a.m.)

Highest note count: Awards after-party affair - Itzy Yuna (published 10/23/22, 1167 notes)

Number of works published: 80 fics (1 fic every 9.1 days)

500 followers: June 18, 2021 (36 days or 1 month, 5 days)

1,000 followers: October 12, 2021 (152 days or 4 months, 30 days)

2,000 followers: June 18, 2022 (401 days or 1 year, 1 month, and 5 days)

3,000 followers: November 12, 2022 (548 days or 1 year, 5 months, and 30 days)

Follower count: 3,953 followers (5.4 followers a day)

I wish I had something awesome lined up to celebrate this milestone, but I don't have anything prepared XD I've been busy and lazy at the same time. (Is that even possible?)

Actually, yeah, I do have a whole week's worth of cool things lined up this week! If I can even follow through with this one...

Monday: AMA

Tuesday: Reader Poll

Wednesday: ???

Thursday: ???

Friday: ???

I don't want to make the fun section of the update elaborately long, so I just want to say thank you so much to everyone for the support! Even though I'm not as active or as productive as I used to be, your eagerness never wavered, and you guys enjoy me talking about random shit on the side, whether it be song lyrics, Pokémon, or literally posts without any context to them. I love you guys. Here's to another year 🧡

Everything else from this point is a brief reflection and introspection of what I've been feeling since then. You can ignore this if you wish to do so.

So today marks the second anniversary since I opened up this Tumblr and became a degenerate writer. The work I've been putting up is getting worse—in a sexual and filthy way, not objectively—and my mental health has been getter much, much better! When I made the same anniversary post around this time a year ago, I was at an all-time low, mentally speaking. I really felt like I had not much left to give at that point, my skill has stagnated, and I thought there wasn't much for me to improve on. If you asked me if I had any future plans for this blog, I'd say I'd be done by the end of 2022, if not sooner.

It's now 2023, and I believe I'm as good as I can be right now. Slumps happen for a reason, and you can't always win, but it's how you bounce back from the lowest of lows that you reach highest of highs. And I believe I can still get better.

Genuinely, not to sound arrogant, because Lord knows I'm not the best fanfic writer—fuck no—I'm not anywhere close, even in a theoretical top 1000 list, but I do think some of my finest work have come up in my most recent fics. I don't know, it feels more polished and there was more effort and deliberation put into it. The numbers don't lie, either; every single work I published since May 2022 has over 400+ notes, and I've even passed the 1000+ note barrier twice! It goes to show that you guys are enjoying what I'm putting out as much as I love making them, slow and difficult it may be. I can fondly smile at last year's additions to my masterlist and say, "I can't believe I did that."

I do want to apologize if my output rate has drastically slowed down, and if I'm not as active as I was before. It's unfortunately part of the sacrifice needed for better quality control, and also because I have more personal commitments to attend to. 2023 has been fantastic for me so far in almost every department, except maybe physically—I could use more exercise—but that can be worked upon.

I do believe I'm on borrowed time. Again, look at the gap between fics over the past six months ago, and it's only going to widen once I enter my third year of college. I also have to begin considering what hobbies and other things I should do to occupy my free time, so I can be more productive as a person. This isn't to say I'm definitely quitting, but I expect more responsibilities to be shouldered onto me in the future, and having time for myself is going to be pretty much a birthday gift with how rare it might be given, and I'd prefer spending my time off recharging and relaxing instead of stressing over inconsequential or 'fun' things.

There's a lot of people I want to thank specifically, because while I was struggling with my own personal battles, they've been encouraging me to continue fighting and have been absolute lads—and lasses—throughout the past year. When I needed someone to talk to that wasn't my therapist, they were there, and I took solace in their comfort and companionship. I can't tag you guys, but if you're reading this—Chunk, Raf, Peach, Aaron, Sol, V1n, Iz, Ddeun, C.o, Kaede, Frisky, Smite, Shaun, Sins, Jett, Eros, Prael, Ken, Cray, CJ, Sooya, Gray, Svn—I sincerely thank you. God bless each and every single one of you. And to Tim, I really hope you can see this, but I'm truly, truly sorry. I hope we can find a way to bury that fracture in our relationship in the past, and we can reconcile. If not, then I just want closure and peace for the both of us.

So in closing, I want to thank you so much for sticking with me through the bad times and prospering with me through the good, and I'm always humbled that you've taken a chance on me when I started, when I was a hopeful newbie, two years ago. Now here we are. I appreciate every single one of you, be it a fellow writer, a reader, or a lurker.

With grace,

Peter / π

[fearowkenya]

Digimon Survive Week: Day 4 - Supporting Characters

Winds of Change - Chapter 8: Winds of Change - Part Two

“Yes, you screwed up in the waterway. Yes, shit’s dire right now.” Dracmon tells Shuuji. “Yes, it’s true that everything I’ve learned from the past is screaming that we’re fucked, that Lopmon’s memories are as good as gone. But the past doesn’t dictate the future, and it certainly doesn’t take into account what you’re doing right now, or that every single thing you’ve done since the second this egg landed in your arms has been for Lopmon’s sake. The strength of that resolve could very well change his fate—just look how much it’s already changed you!”

The answers to Shuuji's questions are disheartening at best, and he feels worse than ever about what happened in the waterway. Thankfully, Dracmon is around to remind him that although he cannot change the past, he's more than capable of changing the future.

As usual, ao3 link in source, extended author's notes below!

ok yeah maybe it's a stretch to spin the @surviveweek prompt "supporting characters" into "characters that are supportive (: " rather than "secondary characters", but i had been planning on doing this before The Dracmon Chapter was split into what is now chapters 7 and 8. I couldn't pick a (canon) secondary character i was interested in enough to dedicate art or fic to, and what i'd originally been planning for this prompt could also work for one of the others. i probably could have also used this chapter for the "future" prompt later this week, but i have other ideas for that one. so here we are!

i love the scenes scattered around the game where takuma is desperately trying to play charades with kunemon. he has no idea what that little guy is saying at all, and even if the player picks an answer that takuma seems confident in, we'll never really know! i think that's great. kew!

editing this chapter was pretty quick since i'd already gotten through most of it before i decided to split the dracmon section into to parts. that said, i did spend so much time rereading it that i ended up worrying that this chapter wasn't exciting enough. you know how it is. speaking of editing, i really cannot estimate when chapter 9 will be out. it's the last one, and when i gave it a once-over earlier i spotted a lot of things that i want to fine-tune. so we'll see! thank you for your patience - i hope getting two chapters in one week makes up for it a little.

"mattie can you elaborate on dracmon's fresh and spicy mysterious backstory??" no (:

i can elaborate on why i picked dracmon for this conversation though! in part5, it really stuck out to me that dracmon was the one to pull takuma aside to be like "hey you gotta keep an eye on shuuji , somethings fucked". im pretty sure he did it TWICE! there's also a point where kaito is watching shuuji freaking out in the waterway and asks dracmon smth to the effect of "isn't there something we can do?" and dracmon being like "not really no ): ", so it seems like the entire situation was weighing on both kaito and dracmon more than they made it seem. i thought it would be nice to give dracmon the chance to talk to shuuji after it was all said and done and see for himself that he's okay now. as for kaito…? well, we'll see. as for the lore, i'd already started using dracmon to explore the effects of repeated death and regeneration on the memory of digimon in ocean wave, so it was convenient to keep using the same character. also he's my favorite.

so full disclosure i did play a character (a terriermon named nova) in a digimon ttrpg that has a bad evolution and then loses his memories. nova's memory loss was probably a touch more intentional than lopmon's potential memory loss, and his bad evo wasn't a result of something his partner did , but a choice he made for himself. it's been a lot of fun exploring how it happens for lopmon, because it's the same flavor of angst as what happened with nova, but both the context and fallout are pretty different.

lastly, i really do think that if the waterway hadn't happened, kaito's trust issues, minoru's paranoia, and saki's fear would have eventually come up anyway. it manifested as mistrust toward their partners because of what happened with lopmon, but maybe in an alternate truthful part6 where wendimon doesn't happen, we get the library back and the Horrors are unleashed upon them there instead. would've LOVED to know what kaito's were, but i dont think it's ever touched upon other than kaito showing up to the kenzoku fight like "hey what the fuck was that." i know minoru definitely had a library scene but i dont remember what it was, but he was hiding under a desk for a bit??? and then i think saki mmmmight have one in harmony and in moral but i cannot for the life of me remember what they were. i digress.

i hope you enjoyed the end of The Dracmon Interlude! thanks for reading (:

[notanotherhornygayblog]

Gotta rant for a bit to let it all out, so sorry for the sad big feelings post. I promise it is worth it.

So to get started with the catalyst of this post: tonight I was just canceled on (for a second time in less than a week) by this guy who seemed very interested in me when we first met at a dance last weekend. It's probably legit, but it also has been such a recurring pattern in my dating history lately that I'm really having trouble not feeling alright about it.

For context: I'd finally just recovered from a man that started a bit flaky when we started going on dates and continued to get flakier and flakier over time. By the end he'd literally come fuck me and then leave as I was desperately hoping for some attention.

Before that was a man who said he loved me, but after the newness of the relationship wore off he stopped making time for me and spent all of our planned time together either impromptu napping or putting the tv on for me while he hyper-focused on sewing, ignoring me for literally the entire time we'd spend together.

I feel like I've tried giving people their space and been understanding and forgiving when life happens, I've improved my own communication, and I've tried to fit myself into the lives of others when it was called for -- only to be met with guys repeatedly not putting in the effort to make plans, communicate, or find how they fit in my life as well. I can't help but notice that many of the guys I'm interested in pursuing sexual-romantic relationships with are only interested as far as sex is concerned, and they aren't communicating that with me.

So am I being presumptuous when a man flakes twice and doesn't initiate any texts all week, despite initially showing interest and having the idea for the first date? Maybe -- but I keep finding myself in these unbalanced dating dynamics and it's really starting to fuck with my heart, despite how resilient I try to be. I have so much good going on in my life and so much to be grateful for, with my job and family and friends and hobbies, and this is like the one and only aspect of my life that I am dissatisfied with, so I really can't complain too much. Even still, I live in a relatively rural area with such a small dating pool that it can be hard to take yet another relationship blow knowing my prospects are that much smaller now. It's crazy how much impact one aspect of your life can have on your emotional well-being.

Anyway, if you've made it this far thanks for reading. I came to tumblr to distract myself from my feeling of heartache, and I ran into a bunch of horny posts that just reminded me more of my romantic struggles. This blog has been helpful and hurtful in several ways. On the one hand, it has been liberating and healing to celebrate my sexuality. On the other hand, the singular self-expression-as-a-sexual-object focus of this blog (and many others that I follow) reinforces some of those insecurities that stem from my recent dating history. I know I am not the first person to feel these things, and I know I am definitely not saying anything unheard of. However, it has been helpful for me to write everything out, so for that and that alone I am grateful for this post. And maybe something I have to say will also resonate with one of you in the time and place you see it -- I can hope.

With love, Benjamin

[vvitchering]

After ep thoughts for the pirate (deragatory)

Haha guys remember when this show was about Din Djarin

I guess now that we’re in the second half stretch I can stop hoping they’re going to magically somehow turn the show around and have it get good again. Pacing still sucks but I did actually think this episode flowed better than the rest of this season has, which isn’t saying a lot, but it’s something.

I was REAL scared this was going to be another ep where it focused on characters we don’t give a shit about the entire time again but Din actually was on screen and did something for a little while! (Sad that that’s something I have to mention as an unexpected positive, though)

I’m really happy the show brought the covert to a safe planet and Karga’s offer of land to Din has come full circle. Even though it’s not Tatooine, my wish for a safe home where they can live like people again was granted so that’s really nice! I wasn’t super shocked Paz backed Din in going to help, he does owe him one. But that was nice to see too.

And I guess we are committing to ignoring the final detail they haven’t walked back yet from s2, Din having the darksaber. I would REALLY like to know why the armorer has now TWICE praised and rewarded Bo for things she ripped Din a new asshole for previously. Din destroyed his entire life to rescue a foundling? Excommunicated, no trial, no explanations, get out. Bo is there when they rescue a foundling? She’s a national hero. (Never mind that Din was once again the one who actually physically saved the kid) Bo takes her helmet off? Oh well she walks both worlds! Thank god we have been sent someone who can do that finally for the first time ever!!!!! (Are you fucking kidding me)

Not only have they IGNORED the character building goldmine that is Din’s journey from apostate to redemption, they’re just handing everything that’s rightfully narratively his to her. I won’t be shocked if they suddenly decide it’s fine for him to hand over the darksaber before the end of this season too. Why tf not.

I’m still not enjoying these episodes. I can’t for the life of me figure out why all of this is happening in this show. They’ve solidly set aside their main cast in favor of side characters and overarching plots that have very little to do with anything we care about in the context of this show. The Mandalorian’s strength has always been in its ability to tell a Star Wars story without relying on its audience knowing or caring about the wider universe. That’s what gained it such a huge audience in its first two seasons. Now it’s getting weighed down by the weight of a narrative that feels foreign because it’s suddenly had 80 tons of lore shoveled on top of it.

This show succeeds when it’s about characters and their journeys. Not only has it completely veered off of that, it’s few attempts to refocus back on it’s characters are feeble and stuck on the wrong people. Which isn’t to say characters like Bo-katan don’t deserve the spotlight, but they’re so show happy they could easily give her her own show. Why did we need to lose the title character of this show to lift her up? Why did we need to burn everything this show has worked up to to force in lore and wider universe stuff that have never meant anything within this context? The darksaber being in Din’s hands is the last detail they haven’t retconned from previous seasons. Like?????? Hello????

I’m aware the events going on in the background of the show will eventually effect the lives of the characters, but it’s so puzzling to me why they’ve completely gutted the character focus and switched to such a disjointed “we have to show EVERYTHING GOING ON RIGHT NOW” plan. I fell in love with this show because it was about characters making their way through the universe. Now I tune in every week praying the Star of the show gets at least five minutes of screen time. I don’t care and they haven’t done anything to make me care.

[florenceofalabia]

Why I was going to retire/ why I didn't retire

I really was going to retire. It wasn't one of those "Oh, maybe if I say I'm retiring, people will be extra nice to me and more people will show up to my 'final' show" kind of things. I really did plan this show to be my last burlesque show. It was on the same stage where I did my first show, it was my burlesque daughter's first show, it was all about cheese, and it was something I made. I put it all together and made it good so I could go out on a high note. But then, last night changed everything for me.

Why I Was Going to Retire

I was 24 when I realized I was trans, and that scared me, so I decided to shove all those feelings in a locked box in my head, and finally figure out how to be a girl, dammit. I had made friends with burlesque people and done a little work with them before, and I was being given another opportunity to get onstage and take on this super femme performance. I learned to be a girl, but it was in the context of burlesque, and it was last year that I realized it never stopped being a performance for me. I would straight up dissociate while doing some of these performances, drifting outside my body while my body relied on muscle memory. Realizing that other people were girls off and onstage, and I was just pretending to be a girl, an even then, half of my performances were very genderqueer, and the other half were more drag queen than woman. Finally getting to the point where I stopped denying being trans, my relationship with femininity and my performance of it changed. No longer practicing being a woman in my daily life, I lost touch with how to do it onstage. Going through transition, which means second puberty at 36, my body is changing, and it feels extra vulnerable going through that with an audience.

I am also increasingly disabled. In the week leading up to the show, I saw three different doctors (4 if you count the radiologist NP), had 15 blood draws, 30 x-rays, internal hemorrhaging for some unknown reason, and a hip that threatened to stop working. When I was starting out 10+ years ago, younger and stronger, working out was for increasing my strength and flexibility. Now, I spend twice as much time training my body just to be able to touch my toes. I have asthma that makes me wheeze just from walking up stairs sometimes. I need mobility aids to get around during flare ups. There were entire categories of food I couldn't eat for a week going into this show. Burlesque is so physical. When I was young, I could dance every night for three hours straight while living on a bus and eating gas station food and drinking so much whiskey. I look back on those days in absolute awe. I can't do most of that anymore. I did a show in Chicago a month ago and my back locked up in the middle of my act and I just kinda froze, wishing I could just abandon things in the middle of the song and go lay down. Forever.

And folks, I've also got baggage with burlesque. I always tried not to let the audience know about backstage drama, but there was a lot of it. Super Happy Funtime was toxic in a lot of ways, and run like an actual cult. The leader of the show was very charismatic onstage, and quite horrible offstage. I met some of my best lifelong friends in this show, but we're all still recovering from the experiences years later. Even outside of that troupe, I encountered a lot of other shitty people who were often in positions of power in the community, producers and primadonnas. People have strong feuds with each other. Known abusers get booking because they're popular with audiences, and the performers just have to rely on whisper networks to keep each other safe. "Don't be alone with that guy in the dressing room. He's a known creep." Why is this guy here at all??? And most shows never paid near enough to put up with all of this.

So basically, baggage and body issues put me through the ringer, and I thought it might be time to move onto other things. I still wanted to perform, but it would have to be something else. This is what I thought, leading up to last night's show.

Why I didn't retire

Last night's show went so well, that I truly am still coming to terms with the fact that it actually happened and I'm still processing it all, but I know for a fact that I'm going to continue to do this.

First of all, everything just went right. Okay, one thing went wrong, and that was the curtain getting stuck shut, but aside from technical difficulties, everything was perfect. I haven't seen the official numbers yet, but I'm pretty sure we sold more than twice the tickets we needed to break even. This is a big theatre, so if only a few people showed up, the crowd would seem even smaller, but at least 2/3 of the seats were full and we sold out of cheese before the show started. People drove for hours to come see this show. They were extremely generous with their applause and their tips. They laughed at my awful cheese puns. They participated in the cheese eating contest and the winner went home with a full wheel of real cheese and the runner-up went home with a full wheel of fake cheese.

The backstage vibe was warm and supportive and sweet. Everyone got along. They found out if was my burlesque daughter's first ever show and they all made sure she was feeling taken care of and welcome, helping with makeup and shaking off the jitters. Everyone had their props organized, and our kitten was seriously the hardest working kitten in the biz, having to clear up so so so much cheese off that historical stage floor. The theatre was so easy to work with, and they told me that they loved that the whole place smelled like cheese.

So, I was feeling like a good producer for sure. I could put a show together, fill the seats, and pay people well and also treat them well. I treated everyone how I always wanted to be treated. Producing a good show on the same stage where I got my start, with some performers who had also worked with my old troupe, was especially rewarding, knowing I could make it happen without having to treat people like garbage who were lucky to be onstage and who certainly didn't deserve money for it. I was feeling like a good host, entertaining the crowd between sets while never forgetting that I'm up there to warm up the crowd for the performers, the talent who I booked who everyone came out to see. I connected, I made the audience laugh and the performers felt good. Now, could I still perform?

Y'all, so much of the success of this act came from two things: glasses and flat shoes. My eyesight is terrible, and not being able to see makes me panic. Not a great thing for a performance. I also cannot point my toes without setting off a chain reaction in my body that locks my muscles up, so high heels are just not a thing I can do anymore. I kept my glasses on and I performed my act in sneakers, because I planned an act where sneakers made sense. It turns out that acknowledging your disabilities and working within the boundaries of what you can do makes a huge difference. WHO WOULDA THOUGHT? Being steady on my feet and not worrying about falling offstage or being unable to find a prop freed up so much more of my brain for remembering moves and connecting with the audience.

I was also in my body for this in a way I very often wasn't before. While HRT can bring about awkward puberty gangly pimply sweaty teenage feelings, it also has made my brain line up with my body more than it ever has. Being able to speak in a lower voice, my boobs shrinking down to half the size they were pre-T, and not caring about being hairy felt so good. I performed a character that didn't need to be a girl. (The whole original act was inspired by Richard Simmons.) I felt like I was off the hook for being obligated to perform femininity. Which doesn't mean there wasn't plenty of femininity in it, but I also didn't spend any time worrying about getting rid of the masculine parts of myself while doing it, which was another thing that distracted me in a lot of past performances. I could put more of my authentic self onstage than I ever have before, and rather than feeling vulnerable about it, it made me feel powerful. The audience wasn't cheering for my mask, but for me this time. Whoa did that feel different, and good.

By realizing that I haven't lost my strength as a performer, that I just have different strengths now, I can work with what I do have going on, rather than the past framework I always worked in before. In some ways, it is like I retired, but more in a way that a caterpillar retires from being a caterpillar when it becomes a butterfly. I feel free in a way I haven't in awhile, to experiment in new ways and create new things.

So yeah, I'm gonna keep doing this. I'm going to keep creating what I want to see in the world. I'm going to do just one or two really big shows a year rather than worrying about lots of little ones, because I can spend more time making sure they're exactly what they should be, a special occasion, a spectacle, a reason for an audience to put on pants and spend money when they could watch porn at home for free, a reason for a performer to spend time rehearsing and money putting together a costume. I'm going to create acts that let me be myself, in the body I have. I'm going to nurture a creative scene and try to be the ideals that I hold.

I hope to catch y'all in the audience sometime, or backstage. My heart is so full, and I am so warm.

[a-strange-inkling]

First of all, I LOVED THE UPDATE OF OLD HAUNTS. Second I am now Craving for a back story especially with what was written in the new chapter, you have me HOOKED.

😭 Thank you so much!! Oh yes, I’m absolutely working on a prequel. I plan to post it once Old Haunts is finished just so I’m not having too many stories to update at once. BUT how about a little snippet of it??

For context: This is after Chrissy escapes the upside down and is hiding out with Eddie at Reefer Rick’s:

***

The knocks help. Their secret little code.

Four beats. The question.

Are you still there?

Two beats. The answer.

I’m here.

He does it twice while she changes after her shower.

Even a thin wall between them is too much.

Nancy and Steve drop off a box of food, clothes, and supplies.

It’s left on the front steps, with a note on where to meet in the morning. He sighs, picking it up and carrying it to the living room.

She’s sitting in the middle of the couch, in his flannel that looks like it could swallow her whole, her arms wrapped around her knees, head against them, resting to the side. Her hair is still partially wet from her shower. She looks small and tired… she’s not moving.

“Chrissy?” he beckons worriedly, blood running cold.

Chrissy, wake up! C’mon, Chrissy!

She looks up at him and smiles a sweet little smile, her blue eyes shining in the evening light, clear of any pale foggy gloss.

I’m here.

His relief is palpable as he makes his way over to her, setting the box on the coffee table before looking through it.

“Care package.” he supplies, feeling her curious eyes on him. He glances up to see her smile gone, she looks pale, light bruising under her eyes.

“We should probably eat something.” he muses out loud, as he digs through. There’s two apples, a loaf of sliced bread, a bag of rice, saltines, Jiff, jam, a box of pasta, Poptarts, canned vegetables, soups, bottled water, soda, Slim Jim’s.

“Very nutritious, Wheeler,” he quips at the box. “All of the food groups are represented.”

Chrissy emits a soft, amused snort and Eddie gives her a wry smile as he takes a bite of an apple. It’s thick skinned and a little mealy, but hungry as he is, it’s damn near the most delicious thing he has ever tasted.

She's still watching him, fixated.

Undaunted, he keeps her gaze as he chews, wiping the juice from the fruit dripping down his chin with the sleeve of his shirt.

Eat your heart out, Cunningham, I’ve been watching you a lot longer.

“You hungry?”

She shakes her head slowly, turning back to rest on her knees, forfeiting their staring contest.

He frowns. “When was the last time you ate something?”

He’s already doing the math in his head. Three days in that hell hole. She never eats lunch at school. He picked her up right after the game.

Four days!?

She shrugs her shoulders in reply.

“Chrissy…”

“I’m not hungry.” she murmurs softly. It’s the first time she’s spoken in hours.

“Yeah, well, you have to eat something,'' he insists, grabbing a sleeve of saltines and a soda, coming to sit beside her. She turns further away from him. He gives her a few seconds before gently nudging her with his elbow.

Fucking pushing a full work week without eating anything.

“Chrissy, c’mon.” he whispers. Forget the demon from a parallel universe she somehow managed to survive, he’s going to lose her to something as base as starvation.

“I can’t, Eddie.”

“You have to try.” he pleads gently.

“No.” She shakes her head vigorously, meeting his gaze. “…I’ll just get sick.” she tells him, like it’s a big dark secret, tears in the corner of her eyes. She buries her face in her hands. “I don’t want to get sick.”

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 324: Is There a Force Field Around Him??

Previously on BnHA: Flashback!Rat Principal was all “please tell Midoriya that I spent a concerningly small amount of money upgrading U.A. into a wacky physics-defying funtime grid so as to make the final battle much more confusing for everyone.” Present Day!Mic (or Present!Mic, if you will) and Jeanist were all “if only somebody could deescalate this dangerously unhinged mob, we’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas.” Ochako was all “LISTEN UP PEOPLE.” The mob was all, “god??” Ochako was all, “NO, IT’S ME, OCHAKO. I’M REALLY HIGH UP ON THIS BUILDING AND THE VISIBILITY IS LOW DUE TO THE RAIN, SO I CAN SEE HOW YOU MIGHT MAKE THAT MISTAKE. ANYWAYS, DEKU WAS OUT THERE RISKING HIS LIFE FOR YOU CLOWNS EVEN THOUGH HE’S JUST A KID, SO I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IF YOU COULD ALL REMEMBER HOW TO BE DECENT HUMAN BEINGS, THANKS.” Let’s see if her Big Scolding Energy has any impact.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “so I have this speech planned out, and it’s really good, but it also only really needs about 6 to 8 pages, but I’m gonna see if I can stretch it out to 17 pages so I can kill time before we get to the next volume cliffhanger two weeks from now.” Anyway but it really is a good speech though. There are feels, and tears, and more talk about how Deku is so in need of a shower that just looking at him requires a tetanus booster, and more feels, and more tears, and bonus ship drama, and an iconic callback to the very first chapter which reframes the entire series in a new context in a totally epic and moving way, and it’s all very good. Except that Horikoshi is determined to never let anyone actually give this kid a hug. Who hurt you, dude.

omg we are opening on a callback to chapter 212, a.k.a. the chapter with by far the cutest flashback that doesn’t involve any baby Todorokis

baby Ochako is lethally cute. she could literally murder someone with her cuteness. I just want to scoop her up and play airplane with her until she accidentally activates her quirk while we’re spinning around and we both helicopter up into the air never to be seen again

“a child’s insistence” huh well that’s all well and good, but I sure hope this doesn’t mean we’re going to drag out the whole “sternly lecture the obnoxious citizens” plot for another whole chapter. no offense but I think we’re good

so page 2 is just continuing the whole happy/worried faces monologue, which of course is very important to Ochako’s character as it provides the context for why “who protects the heroes” ended up becoming her thing. and this is making me think we actually are in for a whole second chapter of this sob. when will my boy finally get to rest

OH MY GOD SUDDENLY THESE PEOPLE HAVE EYES IMAGINE THAT

HORIKOSHI: [reaches for a box of tissues while tearfully penning an homage to his beloved Spider-Man 2, specifically the train scene where the crowd sees Peter without his mask and they suddenly realize just how young he is]

HORIKOSHI’S HOMAGE SCENE: “COME TO THINK OF IT, I GUESS IT WAS KIND OF MEAN FOR US TO PICK ON THIS TEN YEAR OLD KID WHO WEIGHS 75 POUNDS AND LOOKS LIKE HE LOST A FIGHT WITH SATAN’S MOLDY OLD BASEMENT”

lol at this one guy who can feel the mood of the crowd shifting and is all “WAIT, NO, I WANTED TO KEEP BEING AN ASSHOLE DAMMIT”

as many pointed out last week, this man is wearing an All Might shirt. that’s some fantastic irony there

-- SDKFJWIGKS

“LITTLE GIRL, I HOPE YOU’RE NOT SUGGESTING THAT WE SHOULD ALL BE WALKING AROUND DRESSED LIKE A SOVIET-ERA BUS STOP.” heh. last week I said I was ashamed of BnHA being my favorite manga. that was a lie, actually

(ETA: in the original Japanese Ochako’s next two lines are basically “the only ones covered in mud will be us heroes!” followed by “please give us some time to get rid of the mud”, with that second line basically being the single funniest thing I’ve ever read rdslkjl. Ochako thank you so much for supporting my running gags. “YEAH WE KNOW HE’S DIRTY. WE ARE GONNA TRY AND CLEAN HIM UP, BUT IT MAY TAKE A WHILE, I’M JUST SAYING. I MEAN LOOK AT HIM. HE LOOKS LIKE AN ASBESTOS COSPLAY.”)

doesn’t the megaphone kind of look ever so slightly like an axe that she’s wielding maniacally here

easy there Lizzie Borden

also that’s a really bold claim to make there. and not one she necessarily should have to make, either. but as we all know, there’s nothing that shounen manga likes more than having its heroes bravely hoist heavy burdens of responsibility like good self-sacrificing citizens

p.s. lowkey loving how Kacchan is positioned here standing slightly behind Deku. not presuming to stand in front of him all overprotectively (because he would hate if anyone ever did that to him), and kind of being unobtrusive and letting others take center stage -- but still being close enough to Deku that he can catch him if he stumbles or passes out again

(ETA: or maybe not lmao.

DEKU: [falls to his knees]

KACCHAN: [glancing up from his phone a few minutes later] “someone just sent me the stupidest meme about milk crates -- oh. uh. you good...?”

really, son. “the burdens you can’t carry, we’ll carry them for you. ...later, I mean. right now it’s late, and we’re all cold and wet.”)

also lowkey loving this OchaTsu moment here

I was going back and binging Ochako chapters this past week for reasons, and I gotta say it really stuck out to me just how often these two are paired with each other. they do everything together. it’s a really sweet friendship that often goes unappreciated but it’s very cute

meanwhile, not to be outdone by the OchaTsu, Iida is staring at Ochako with open admiration talking about how she’s fighting too. it’s been so long since we’ve had any IidaRaka you guys. I was starving and I didn’t even know it

oh my lord IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING

THE LIGHT IS BACK. he finally looks like him again. what a cathartic fucking moment omg

ffklkdw

“I KNOW YOU ARE ALL SCARED, BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS, WE DEFINITELY CANNOT GUARANTEE YOUR SAFETY AND WE ARE ALL SCARED TOO!” good pep talk there kiddo

BUT, jokes aside, truth be told this is the exact right approach to take imo, and something that’s long overdue. I’ve said this before, but this new generation of heroes is shaping up to be much more transparent than the All Might generation. they’re basically abandoning the almighty, untouchable Superman “heroes as gods” concept in favor of the more nuanced “heroes as people” concept instead. and that’s a good thing. seeing their heroes as humans, with human limitations and weaknesses and flaws, will hopefully not only lead to more scrutiny and accountability, but also more awareness of how hard some of them are working and how much they’re sacrificing. that’s something All Might never quite grasped back at the start of the series -- that the weak, vulnerable, injured him could be just as inspiring as the mighty, invincible him -- perhaps even more so. there’s a power in seeing otherwise ordinary people show extraordinary bravery and compassion. it inspires others to try and do the same

SSDLHK AIZAWA SIGHTING AAHHHHHH

so he was still back at the hospital this whole time?? smdh at this disrespect. that feeling when your sexy self-insert character’s powers of rationality are too strong, and so you have to nerf him so that he doesn’t ruin your Deku Angst arc twice over by (1) immediately talking some sense into Deku and making him come home Right This Instant Young Man, and (2) not allowing him to leave U.A. in the first fucking place. excuse me, you want to do WHAT now, Midoriya?? that’s it, go to your room

also living for Katsuki and Hawks’s soft expressions. Shouto’s too, although his is tinier and harder to see. and Jeanist’s 12-foot-long neck. imagine Jeanist’s head with Mic’s hair. maybe Jeanist had a mohawk back in the day and that’s why U.A.’s doors are so big now

speaking of soft faces, Enji’s is also excellent

what could this random close-up possibly imply?? hell if I know. but Horikoshi truly fears no discourse and that’s what I love about him

OMGGGG

“smh my child is so dumb.” poor Ochadad. your child is cute af count your blessings

SDOFFHSMH

I’m telling you guys. lethally, catastrophically cute

this speech is still ongoing lol. Horikoshi you’re doing so good but I think we get the point now my dude. you gotta learn how to transition out of these things

UNEXPECTED TOGA WHAT

“there we go” Horikoshi says, crossing off the last line on his list of Ochako ships. “that’s all of ‘em”

poor Ochako is just repeating the same “LET HIM REST, PLEASE, WITH EVERYONE’S COOPERATION, IF YOU DON’T MIND, WE APPRECIATE IT” talking points over and over again hoping someone will throw her a bone and acknowledge her already. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP HER

literally they’re all just staring up at her silently omg. work with me people!!

now she’s saying it for the 56th time but more dramatically all of a sudden

they got so dramatic that for a minute I thought she had suddenly leaped off the building or something

look, not to rush you or anything Horikoshi, but I’m starting to get the feeling that this is yet another one of those “the volume is ending soon so I need to either hurry things up or slow things down in order to make sure we end it on my perfect cliffhanger ending” chapters where you go to ridiculous lengths to drag things out much to the exasperation of your week-to-week readers

(ETA: ftr, volume 31 ended on chapter 306, and I’m predicting that vol. 32 will end with chapter 316 (a.k.a. “you’re next!” [explodes]). I’m guessing vol. 33 will follow suit and likely end on chapter 326, so keep your eyes peeled for a big cliffhanger in two weeks’ time. Deku’s dad?? All Might in peril?? U.A. traitor at long fucking last?? we shall see.)

is Deku straight up falling in love with Ochako right on the spot lol what is happening

I know I just said that I enjoy when Horikoshi gives zero fucks about discourse, but shipping discourse is a whole different beast lol. I hope he’s prepared

(ETA: and for the record, I have no interest in shipping discourse either, as always. and I think this scene can be interpreted as platonic, tbh, with the context being that Ochako was literally introduced as someone who was willing to help him so casually without a second thought, and now here she is saving him again.

I don’t think it really fully hit Deku until this moment how much he needed saving. like I said in another meta somewhere, selflessness is basically just selfishness on behalf of others. and Deku is selfless to a fault, but that’s okay, and it doesn’t mean he needs to change -- he just needs friends who are willing to be be selfish on his behalf in turn. and I think the full emotion of what it means to have friends like that just hit him at last. everything his friends have done for him, how much he needed it and didn’t even realize, and how grateful he is. anyways what a terrible day for rain.)

-- son of a --

is he apologizing?? or pleading?? please tell me that’s not the case, because what the actual fuck. Deku you beautiful precious radiant selfless child, this is the exact opposite of how this should be. all these motherfuckers should be on their knees apologizing to you

DEKU WHY

I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS FREAKING BOMBARDMENT OF EMOTIONS GODDAMIT. OUT HERE ARMED WITH YOUR FREAKING TREBUCHET OF FEELS TO LAUNCH AT ME UNPROVOKED. WHAT’S WITH THAT

FREAKING CHRIST. THIS BOY IS CRYING HIS EYES OUT AND HORIKOSHI IS JUST ZOOMING IN WITH THE CAMERA, LIKE CAN WE JUST CUT HIM A BREAK ALREADY. ENOUGH OF THIS. HE’S SO YOUNG AND HE TRIES SO HARD AND I JUST NEED HIM TO FEEL SAFE, HORIKOSHI PLEASE CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME THAT ALREADY WHAT IS THE FREAKING HOLD UP!!

GIGANTIC FOX LADY!!!

GIGANTIC FOX LADY PLEASE BE MY HUGGER BY PROXY!! SERIOUSLY GIRL IF YOU JUST HOLD YOUR UMBRELLA OVER HIM OR SOMETHING AND DON’T GO THE EXTRA MILE I’M ABOUT TO LODGE AN OFFICIAL COMPLAINT. THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS NOW

!!!!

A KOUTA IS GOOD TOO!!! oh my god if Kouta hugs him I will seriously 100% straight up cry. go on and test me

FOR THE LOVE OF --

is this man expressly forbidden from drawing hugs in his contract or something. DO YOU DO IT JUST TO SPITE ME?? this is tyranny, sir

AND I KNOW, THIS PAGE ACTUALLY CHALLENGED THE VERY PREMISE OF THE SERIES ITSELF, AND HERE I AM COMPLAINING ABOUT HUGS, OR THE LACK THEREOF. “this is the story of how we all became the greatest heroes.” and just like that, he waves a polite middle finger at all of the Strongest Greatest Chosen One shounen protags of old, in favor of something much less conventional, much more interesting, and much more suited to Deku’s character. because if that one sentence doesn’t just sum up Deku to a T. he gladly relinquishes his Greatest Hero status in favor of acknowledging the hero in everyone. what a class act. that’s my protagonist

I love this kid so fucking much I swear. only just PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. GIVE HIM HIS HUG

[werewolfnick]

So, I just learned today that one of my favourite lecturers is leaving the uni and going to teach high school again (because something of the teaching situation at the uni I believe). I am a little upset about it because out of the lecturers I had in my first year (because this is my first year, though will soon be going into my second year next year), she has been one of the best and one of my favourites. There was another lecturer I liked but there is a possibility that I am having him in my second or third year. 

But this lecturer that is leaving, I had her twice in my first year. Once last semester for introduction to creative and professional writing and again this semester for creative writing. I guess she was one of my favourites because she brought in homemade cupcakes whenever we did workshopping for our assessments. And for a little bit of context for last semester, there were two weeks when my introduction to creative and professional writing class had a substitute teacher because the actual lecturer had covid. 

This substitute teacher kept suggesting ideas that I could do for the third assessment. Like how I could write a short story on my friend who has the same neurodivergence as me or a feature article on Dylan O’Brien. But, when I mentioned the idea to the regular lecturer when she came back, she was just like, ‘ok, go for it’. I guess it would be because this wouldn’t be the first time someone has written a fanfic for the assessment. 

I kind of want to keep in contact with her because she was so amazing. She knows that I write fanfiction too and not once as she judged me for it. If anything, I remember her asking me once ‘do you still write online? how’s it going?’ And when I told her that I am planning a book that I want to publish, she said something about having good time to do it, then immediately followed it by asking ‘have you looked at publishers?’ She was definitely a supportive lecturer. 

I guess I am feeling upset about it is because I am basically losing someone that I did consider a friend and it’s just reminding me that things change. For those that don’t know, I do have autism and people with autism usually don’t like change. I have noticed this in myself because I do like routine, depending what the routine is. Like, when last semester came to an end, I got nervous because I got so used to the days I went and the same is going for this semester. 

I had gotten used to her being a lecturer at uni and now she is going to be teaching in high school. I know I can’t do anything about it but it still makes me sad that she isn’t going to be teaching at uni anymore. She truly was one of the best lecturer I had. It may the first year, but no one can beat her. 

I am planning to give a little card and telling her that she was one of the best lecturers. 

[lightsovermonaco]

Patience is a Virtue (NSFW Max Verstappen)

Masterlist

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to @acollectionofficsandshit !!! Last minute present, which hasn’t been beta’d, but I hope you enjoy ♥

Max had been so busy the past few weeks, what with preseason testing and gearing up for the first race in less than a week. You had not been able to attend testing this year, Red Bull having only allowed essential personnel to travel to Bahrain. It had been two weeks since you had seen Max’s face in person instead of being separated by phone screens. 

Considering Max’s packed schedule, you had fully expected to celebrate your birthday alone. It had been enough of a surprise that he had shown up at the door of the apartment you shared in Monaco earlier that day, having flown home from London to help you celebrate. You had lounged about watching cheesy movies and trading kisses all day before Max had informed you he had something to show you.

“No peeking,” Max said, one hand on your shoulder and the other on your hip as he guided you along. “Step down.”

Cautiously, you feel with the toe of your shoe for the step. Seagulls crow and you can smelly the briny sea, but that could mean you were anywhere in the city. You didn't have any definitive context clues as to where you were. 

“Where are you taking me?”

“I told you it’s a surprise. Was the whole “close your eyes’ thing not clear?” He squeezed your shoulder. “Besides, we’re here.”

“I can open my eyes?” You asked, wanting to be certain. Max’s whispered affirmation was a wisp of breath against your neck.

Your eyes blinked open, taking a moment to adjust to the brightness of the setting sun. Max’s arms wound around your middle, his chin resting on your shoulder. A small table set for two sat on a sandy private beach, complete with flickering candles and a waiter standing by.

“Daniel came up with this, didn’t he?” You teased, placing your hand on his corded forearm.

“He may have helped with the specifics,” He conceded, and pressed a kiss to your cheek. “Charles is the one that let me borrow his villa.” 

You hummed in appreciation of the gesture. “So you are friends.”

“Jury’s still out on that one.”

You laughed and let Max lead you to the table. He pulled out your chair, letting you get settled before leaning in for a kiss. Being apart for so long had made him more affectionate than usual. Not that you were complaining.

Glasses of wine were poured before the waiter retreated back to the house, presumably to give you and Max privacy. Max leaned back, letting the last dregs of sunlight warm his face. It was the most beautiful sight you had ever seen.

Your eyes traced the line of his neck, up the angle of his strong, stubbled jaw. Muscles rippled as he took off his signature flat-brimmed cap, running his fingers through his hair before replacing it backwards on his head. And god, you could’ve jumped on him right there. Noticing your stare, Max grinned, his foot finding yours under the table.

“Keep undressing me with your eyes like that and we won’t get to enjoy the lovely meal Daniel planned out.” You bit your lip to suppress your smile. Your assumption that Max hadn’t come up with this on his own was right, then. It was far too cheesy for it to have been all his idea.

You reached for his hand, threading your fingers together. “Maybe I’d rather undress you and eat at home.”

“Daniel would be upset that his efforts went to waste.” Mischief glinted in Max’s baby blues.

“I wouldn’t call them wasted,” You murmured, running your bare foot up Max’s calf. “After you leave tomorrow, I’ll be all alone for another week. I think Daniel would understand if I had other activities in mind for tonight.”

Max leaned back and stretched his arms over his head, fully aware that he was torturing you. Your mouth watered from more than just the delicious smell of grilled steak. A wicked grin split his face. “We’re having dinner,” He said, tone leaving no room for a challenge.

“But-”

He moved lightning quick, his hand gripping your thigh under the table. “I said we’re having dinner. Understood?”

“Yes,” You breathed, heart pounding. The dominance in his voice melted any protests that had sprang to your lips.

“Good girl,” He murmured, then sat back like nothing had happened when the server brought out your meal. As soon as Max thanked him, you dug in. Golden, perfectly seasoned potatoes and carrots, and a perfectly cooked steak with a delicious, sweet sauce. You shoveled it in, eager to get home.

“Take your time,” Max warned. “Or you’ll just be sitting there while I finish mine.” Indeed, he cut his steak agonizingly slow, deliberately dragging it out. You tried to match his leisurely pace, but couldn’t keep your mind from wandering. Your leg bounced impatiently. Max once more gripped your thigh, giving you a stern look.

“Patience is a virtue.”

Silence dominated the last of the meal, your body lined with tension. You couldn’t wait to get him home, having wanted to do so since the moment he turned that damned hat backwards. The sun had set by the time he tipped the waiter. You practically lept from your seat when he stood, grabbing his hand and racing for the street.

Max was stronger than you, of course, and when he dug his heels into the sand you had no choice but to halt. “I said patience, my schat.” My treasure.

Your stomach flipped. Just when you thought you couldn’t want him more, he pulled out the rarely used Dutch term of endearment that never failed to drive you wild. You had to get him home, or else you’d beg for him to take you right there on the beach in front of Charle’s vacant home.

Reading the plea on your face, Max relented with a sigh. “Alright, we won’t take a walk along the water like I planned.” He waved a hand. “You know the way home.”

You wound through the streets with practiced ease, your feet having traveled the path between Charles’ home and your apartment countless times. At one point you had to stop at a street crossing, bouncing on your toes.

The hand Max placed on your ass made you freeze. “Anxious?” He murmured, breath tickling your neck. You only nodded, not trusting yourself to speak. You could only imagine what he would do to you when you were alone.

After two more agonizing blocks, you were home. You rounded on Max the second the door closed behind you, lips crashed to his and your hands tugging his shirt up. Setting his cap on the kitchen counter, you left a trail of clothing from the front door to the threshold of the bedroom. Stripped down to your underwear, you wound your arms around Max’s neck and jumped, wrapping your legs around him.

He caught you with a grin. “Happy birthday, baby.”

“Uh huh,” You replied automatically, jerking your head towards the bed. Max took the hint, laying you back and stripping off his shorts and boxers, leaving him bare before you. The beauty of his body never ceased to amaze you, no matter how many times you saw it.

Max sank to his knees at the edge of the bed, eyes never leaving yours as he slid his hands behind your calves and pulled. You gasped, legs falling open. The sudden heat of his breath on your core shocked your system, sending a shiver up your spine. “Please,” You whispered. 

Your knee jerked when his lips met your inner thigh, dangerously close to where you needed him. His mouth trailed up to your hip, where he bit down hard enough to leave a mark. You gasped again, hips rising off the mattress.

“T-tease,” You breathed, head spinning like a top.

“Makes it sweeter when I finally feast.”

And feast he did.

Max had your panties off in record time, immediately dragging his tongue through your slick folds. His nose bumped your clit with each swirl of his tongue. A low moan tore from your throat. Reaching down, you tangled your fingers in his chocolate hair and encouraged him further with the grinding of your hips to his face. His hum of approval rocked through you, snipping the thread of sanity you’d been clinging to.

Your thighs tightened around his head when he slipped a finger inside you, his tongue devouring your clit like it was his last meal. He tapped thrice on your knee, his silent signal that he wanted your eyes on him. It took every ounce of your willpower to meet his request, gazing down at him between your legs.

His confident wink sent you over the edge, golden pleasure coursing through you hot as a wildfire. His tongue lapped at your center, letting you ride through the pleasure. Only when you whimpered softly did he remove his finger and mouth, his chest heaving.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” He asked, words coated in desire. You managed a nod. “Turn over.”

You tried to obey, you really did, but your limbs wouldn’t cooperate. With a growl of impatience, Max flipped you on your stomach. Fingers dug into your flesh as he hauled you up by the hips, face to the bed but ass in the air.

You rock your hips back, brushing the length of his cock. “That’s my girl.”

In one swift movement, he seats himself to the hilt inside you. You don’t need any time to adjust, thankfully, because Max doesn’t waste a second. The obscene sounds of skin on skin fills the room as he slams into you. Fingers tangled in your hair yank you to your elbows, and you looked over your shoulder at Max. 

His name was a plea, the only word in your vocabulary as he fucked you senseless. The sting of your scalp was a sharp contrast to the delicious pleasure flooding through you with each thrust of his hips. More than once your limbs turned to jelly, relying on Max to hold you up. He angled his hips to hit that sweet spot inside you with each thrust.

“Max, please-”

“Fuck, I never get tired of how wet you get for me,” Max grunted, increasing his pace until the force of it was enough to make you see stars. “Such a good girl, always ready for me when I want you.”

The praise had your walls tightening on his cock, a whimper escaping your throat. "M-Max-"

"Me too," He grunted, slamming into you twice more before spilling his seed inside you. He gave a few lazy strokes as you followed his lead, your second orgasm of the night draining any energy you had left. Max eased out of you and ran a cloth he had grabbed from the nightstand between your legs. 

"I could use a shower after that," You murmured. Max's rumbling laughter sounded at your ear.

"That can be arranged, birthday girl."

[tyremarbles]

Post-Race McLaren Strategy Analysis

Foreword: Y’all know me, I try to make sure I know everything I can before I actually say anything, and this analysis took me nearly 5 hours last night. I didn’t go to bed until like 3am because I was so busy double-checking all my facts lmao. Special thanks to @imthebadguyyy & my dad for being my test readers :)))

During the Dutch Grand Prix Race Session this past Sunday, September 5th, 2021, McLaren made some strategy calls that presented as the team favoring Lando over Daniel. The opinion that came to light was that McLaren were making Daniel into the secondary driver, which is something he had come to the team in hopes of avoiding. This opinion, while it is a valid one to express, isn’t one that holds much water when you zoom out from the context of that set of radio transmissions.

McLaren is a midfield team. They aren’t focused on winning the championship; just on getting the highest place they can in order to get the most money. Their best chance of doing that is by ensuring they get the most points out of each race.

Despite the fact that Lando has been with McLaren for five years now, he isn’t their number one driver; McLaren doesn’t have one. They can’t if they want to maximize their opportunity for points. What they can do, though, is prioritize whoever is consistently delivering the better results on a week-by-week basis. Thus far, that driver just happens to be Lando. Which makes sense, considering that Daniel is just starting to really feel comfortable in the MCL35M.

Lando has felt more comfortable in the car over the course of the 2021 season. An obvious explanation for this is that Lando has been with the team since 2017, where he signed as a Junior Driver, and has had much longer to adapt his driving style to the car. This is Daniel’s first year with McLaren. His previous seasons have been spent, for the most part, in a RedBull-designed car. Even when he was at Renault, it was expressed that the cars handled very similarly to a RedBull. The MCL35M, as he has expressed, handles very differently than what he had grown accustomed to, and doesn’t particularly seem to fit his driving style. As the 2021 season has progressed, however, Daniel has shown he has made progress in adapting to the car.

Comparing qualifying results to race results, Daniel has consistently started further back on the grid. This puts him at a disadvantage from a points strategy perspective. The further back you are, the harder you have to work to gain places over the course of a race. I’m not saying he’s incapable of gaining those places back; he’s shown quite the opposite actually, most notably in Portugal and Austria this season with a 7-place jump from 16th to 9th and a 6-place jump from 13th to 7th, respectively. What I am saying is that if you’re not comfortable in the car, or you’re at a track where overtaking is nigh-impossible, or you’re already close enough to the points to get there on your own, team strategy may not fall in your favor.

But despite his difficulties adjusting to the car, Daniel is in no danger of dropping off and playing second fiddle to Lando like you all suggest. Daniel is a talented driver. If he wasn’t, would he really still be in the sport after a decade? Would McLaren have followed him for years, determined to add him to the team? His move to McLaren, while still in its adjustment period, is one that’s beneficial and positive for all parties involved. Lando may have talent and skill, as clearly shown by his F3 Championship title and frankly outstanding performance the past couple seasons (4 podiums, a front row start, most consecutive points finishes), but he’s still very young. This is only his third year in Formula 1, and he’s only older than me by three years. Compare that to Daniel, who’s been competing in Formula 1 for ten years now, was a driver for one of the two top teams for over half of his career (7 years, counting Toro Rosso), and placed 3rd in the WDC for said team twice in 2014 & 2016. Do you seriously think that McLaren gives him a multimillion dollar paycheck because they want him to play racetrack bodyguard for Lando?

Bringing in someone like Daniel, who has years of training, skill, and knowledge, and an invaluable perspective on not only racing, but on one of the title contenders, is a major asset to all aspects of the team. Sure, he may be new to McLaren, but he is a long way off being new to racing.

Was the strategy this weekend arguably a hot mess? Oh, absolutely. But it wasn’t a one-team phenomenon. Strategy overall this weekend has been all over the place, and I kinda see why. We haven’t raced at Zandvoort since 1985, when the track itself and the cars were much, much different. You can’t really go off of race strategy from the mid-80’s when the track did not include the bankings it currently has and when the car and tyre specifications have changed drastically. Everyone was basically flying in blind.

What the teams could rely on, was all the data they were getting from practice sessions (even if every single one was red-flagged at some point). And the data that McLaren was receiving likely suggested that Lando would be a stronger contender for points, based on comparative lap pace alone.

Over the course of 18 laps in FP1, Lando’s lap time was quicker than Daniel’s by 0.402s, or an average of 4/10ths.

Over the course of FP2, where Lando ran two more laps than Daniel, Lando’s lap time was quicker than Daniel’s by 0.669s, or nearly 7/10ths.

Over the course of 19 laps in FP3, Lando’s lap time was quicker than Daniel’s by 0.232s, or an average of 2/10ths.

During Qualifying, Daniel actually had the faster lap time, pulling an even 0.24s on Lando, and only just squeezed his way into Q3.

The gap between Lando (P13) and George (P11) was 0.074s. That is a tiny gap to cover, and had there not been a red flag to close out Q2, I feel like Lando could have easily cinched a Top 10 start.

During the race, did the strategy of McLaren look as if it was all being done in the favor of Lando? Yes, it kinda did. But when you look at things like race pace, tyre degradation, and what other teams are doing, it’s not necessarily difficult to see why. Over the course of the weekend, Lando consistently put out faster lap times and gained three places on his own during Lap 29, when the three cars in front of him all decided to pit at once. And yes, Daniel did pit first out of the two McLarens, but he was going to have to do so anyway. He started the race on the set of Softs he ran during Qualifying, and Lando started on Mediums. Mediums last longer than Softs. Later in the race, it looked as though Lando had the pace to push past the Alpine cars ahead of him & Daniel, so a call was made to basically switch the two of them around. From what I saw, this call is what made people the most upset. I, as a big fan of both drivers, was also upset at the time, as it felt strange to not just have Daniel try to gain places he was already closer to. But the longer I put thought and research into this analysis, the more I think I see what they were trying to do.

Had this moment of strategy been implemented a few laps earlier, and had it gone according to plan, Daniel could have held off Checo until Lando passed them both (making it a P9/P10), then followed Lando until he got around Esteban and then try and take his shot as Esteban as well (which could’ve given them a P8/P10 or P8/P9). At no point does this potential line of strategy truly favor either driver. Now, obviously I do not work for McLaren and have no true insight into their plans, but this is simply what made the most sense. Have the driver who’s already there hold off the car in between until the other driver can overtake/pass, and then have the first driver follow behind until there’s an opening to make the same move on the next car. Easy points, easy money!

But, mistakes were made. That call came much too late for it to truly work, and that’s just the risk they had to take. At the end of the day, it was not a call made to screw Daniel over, or to play favoritism to Lando. It was simply what could’ve been a good call made too late for good execution.

[I made some graphics to aid my own thought process and I’ve stuck them under the Read More for y’all to look at if you want!]

[gaywatch]

(more Golden Lovers stuff, sorry) i looked back at the previous posts i sent you, haha, and the last one was a lot further back than i thought, so i realized the more recent message might need a little more context, because i'm not sure it quite comes across just how big of a deal this was.

basically, AEW is a brand new American wrestling company that started in 2019. so 2019 was an extremely exciting time to be a wrestling fan, and then the pandemic hit, and 2020 was an extremely depressing time to be a wrestling fan. miraculously, AEW managed to weather the pandemic due to a combination of luck (they happened to have access to an outdoor stadium, and were able to run no crowd shows) and creative ingenuity. it was a real trial by fire for them, since they'd only been on TV for less than half a year when they had to completely change their entire operation.

WWE is obviously the global industry leader in wrestling, but AEW has, uh, caught up to them way faster than anyone thought possible (partially due to the fact that they adapted to the pandemic conditions way better than their competitor lol). the Washington Post has an article that gets into some of this.

this summer, there was a pretty huge turning point for AEW because they brought a massively popular wrestler named CM Punk out of retirement, and then shortly after that, they managed to sign two huge WWE stars: Adam Cole and Daniel Bryan.

now, one thing that AEW really had going for them over WWE was that they cared about long term storytelling (basically, stories developing over multiple years as opposed to over a few weeks or months). their top story was centered around Hangman Adam Page, self-professed "anxious millennial cowboy", who struggled with insecurity after failing to meet expectations in AEW's first year. just as they planned, Hangman's story really resonated with people! Kenny had a huge role in this because he basically became the villain that Hangman would need to beat before he could finally become the face of the company that he was meant to be.

of course, in order for that to happen, Kenny had to have a massive run as a heel, and that's what he spent december 2020-early november 2021 doing. it was a pretty amazing run because his character became obsessed with collecting belts from different promotions, and it ushered in the so-called "Forbidden Door" era of wrestling, where wrestlers from different promotions could walk between them (this is how we got an AEW/NJPW partnership).

this resulted in him getting voted PWI's #1 wrestler of the year. it was his second time winning it, and it marked the first time that a non-WWE wrestler had won it twice. they interviewed him after he won it, and naturally Kota came up (this was a shoot interview, so he wasn't in character). he said: "for someone as influential as Ibushi was to my career, inside and outside, i feel it would be an injustice for [the story] to die"

in-character, Kenny had spent the past year constantly referencing Kota and betraying his insecurity that basically no matter what he did, no matter what heights he achieved, he couldn't measure up to Kota. he referenced him in podcast interviews, on twitter, instagram, in promos on Impact, even in the Mexican promotion AAA, which is literally geoblocked right now so international fans can't legally view their content.

Kenny faced Bryan Danielson in a really great match (a literal dream match for many fans), and in a match that had garnered one of AEW's biggest audiences yet, held in the biggest venue they'd booked, which Kenny knew everyone would be watching, he busted out Kota's old finisher again, the phoenix splash (and missed it like he always does). one of my favorite aspects of his work is that he includes these little gay love letters in all of his best matches so that the Golden Lovers story is literally impossible for anyone to ignore or write out of his work.

it's just cool to me that he's managed to do all of this and basically sit at the top of the industry and somehow still keep the story alive, against all odds

This context is delectable darling, thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu.

Call me a silly optimist but one day there will be a Big Gay Kiss during a wrestling match and the world will never be the same.