#consider this more a rough draft to a possible future post than an actual post itself fdjkslj

[oneinathousand]

With how much Half-Life fans will eat up anything related to the series, it’s a surprise how relatively few people are aware of one of Half-Life’s main inspirations, the Japanese point and click adventure game GADGET and its tie-in novel, The Third Force, which was written by Marc Laidlaw before he went on to Valve and brought these influences with him into every mainline game he had a direct hand in writing.

I’ve brought up GADGET here a few times before, but today I want to list off just how many similarities there are between the two franchises. Laidlaw has discussed most of the inspirations in some Twitter posts, but I’m going to elaborate on them. Some are from the GADGET games even before Laidlaw wrote the novel, but most are from there as a sort of first draft for what would become Half-Life:

The most obvious shout-out to GADGET is the border-world Xen, and the substance xenium aka the Xen crystals. Xenium comes from the art book Inside Out With Gadget where it’s said that it powers the games’ titular gadgets and comes from a meteor which crashed onto Earth. In Laidlaw’s book, there is no Xen equivalent, but each shard of xenium is sentient, and the comet which is the main threat throughout the GADGET games is a gigantic piece of xenium that’s going to crash into Earth on a rescue mission to free the shards that had fallen to Earth before.

In both series, most of the main characters rebelling against the dictatorships they’re a part of are scientists, with the character Horselover Frost being a rough equivalent to Eli Vance. Judith Mossman was apparently originally going to be named Elena Mossman, similar to The Third Force’s protagonist, Elena Hausmann, who is also a red-headed member of the rebellion, but Laidlaw felt the reference would be too obvious. However, the scientists in GADGET are definitely far more morally ambiguous than the Half-Life ones, the former being complicit in the dictatorship’s goings-on and definitely being manipulative (though they’re much nicer in Laidlaw’s book than in the games), while the Black Mesa scientists were simply duped by the G-Man into triggering the Resonance Cascade. 

Speaking of the G-Man, the second-most obvious shout-out to GADGET is Laidlaw modelling him after a character named Theodore Slowslop. Both are the mysterious bosses of their games’ protagonists (Gordon Freeman and Louis Hausmann) as the middleman under their employers, but both have their own ambiguous agendas and will go against their employers if they feel like it. While it is unknown exactly what these two characters are, it’s clear that both are not human and possess supernatural powers, though the G-Man is much more powerful than Slowslop. 

I believe that the G-Man is not only modelled after Slowslop in his appearance but is also based on another GADGET character simply called “the boy”, who - like the G-Man - carries around a briefcase at all times, is able to teleport, and watches over the main protagonist on his journey. In fact, in the original GADGET game, Invention, Travel, and Adventure, which was the only game out when Laidlaw wrote his book, Slowslop and the boy WERE the same person, but this was retconned to either be left up to interpretation as in the games, or to be firmly established as being two separate entities like in Laidlaw’s book. Basically, the G-Man takes his appearance, role, and some mannerisms from Slowslop, while he takes his briefcase and teleportation powers from the boy. 

In addition to Judith Mossman originally being named Elena, the actual Elena equivalent in Half-Life is Alyx Vance, and Laidlaw has said that her dynamic with the G-Man is meant to be similar to Elena’s dynamic with Slowslop in The Third Force. This is the most interesting point, because considering that Laidlaw remained a consultant on Half-Life: Alyx, that puts the developments in that game under a new light and could possibly be a hint at future developments in the story.  In The Third Force, Slowslop is protective of Elena, that being his only real redeeming quality, going out of his way to keep her from harm and ending up (SPOILER ALERT FOR A 25+ YEAR-OLD OBSCURE NOVEL) allowing himself to be executed so that Elena can escape with the scientists from the incoming comet. Looking at the story so far in Half-Life, the G-Man once rescued Alyx from Black Mesa against his employers’ wishes seemingly so he could someday use her for his own benefit, but if the parallels with Elena and Slowslop are going to be continued, could it actually be that the G-Man has some genuine affection for Alyx, and his employing of her after saving Eli was done because he genuinely cared in his own way? It could be a very long time before we find out for sure, if at all, but like how Elena didn’t care much for Slowslop all throughout the novel, right now Alyx certainly doesn’t care for the G-Man. 

Lastly, both games’ silent protagonists, Gordon and Louis, are for the most part never truly in control, with both being under the thumb of the G-Man/Slowslop, plus the scientists in the latter’s case, though Gordon manages to get let go by the G-Man after he’s dissatisfied with his work, while Louis never breaks free and is heavily implied to lose his mind by the end of his story, and the realization that he has been manipulated the entire time by everyone around him predates Bioshock’s famous twist by about 17 years.

Listing off these similarities makes it seem like Half-Life is just a rip-off of GADGET and Laidlaw just got lazy and recycled his own ideas, but the tone, gameplay, structure, and story details are completely different. Half-Life is a straightforward sci-fi story with some horror elements, but no matter how dire things get, there’s always some optimism to be had and the series is all about how much humanity can accomplish, with relatable characters to go on this journey with. GADGET, meanwhile, was an early example of arthouse video games where much of the story is left up to interpretation, but no matter how you interpret it, it’s a dark story about manipulation, abuse of power, and how the truth can be impossible to find, all in an unnerving Lynchian atmosphere. Laidlaw’s book is a little softer, bringing more warmth to the game’s cold characters, but still ends with nearly everyone on Earth perishing from a comet impact while the survivors go on to an uncertain future. 

It goes to show that you can take obvious inspiration from something but still turn it into something completely your own. 

[enderspawn]

an incomplete sloppy guide to ethical rpf

rpf (real person fiction) isn't inherently bad, as long as you learn how to do it respectfully-- after all, you are writing abt Real People. also note: rpf doesnt have to be an irl fic (where a CC is a CC in story), just a story using real people as the characters. that fantasy au where they all team up to fight god or whatever? rpf baby.

the line blurs a LITTLE with dsmp and other self insert-ish rp, but where i usually draw the line is if they're closer to their characters characterization or the ccs/their personas characterization. again, main point is rpf doesnt always equal irl setting.

im too lazy to properly write a full like essay or paper abt this, so instead heres a few key steps to follow to make sure ur not being Weirdchamp abt it all.

also keep in mind: these are rules ive gathered over my years of yt-based fandom(s) that also assume its a situation where ppl Can contact ccs enough to like. get their word on shit. idk how to handle big celeb rpf lmao good luck w that on your own.

tldr for ppl who dont wanna look under the cut: 1. respect cc boundaries at all times no matter what, 2. keep in mind that this is all fiction, nothing based in fact and that you are Not Their Friend, and 3. dont share it w ccs

until proven otherwise, assume everyone IS NOT okay with being written about. doesnt matter if they're a cc in the public eyes, see if they're okay w it to begin with. some are, some arent.

the above statement also includes a CC's family (including parents, spouse, siblings, etc) unless specifically specified otherwise as okay.. make OCs to fill those positions if you really need them, give em alternate names or whatever. but family of CC especially deserve privacy

never include a CC's kids. genuinely, idk a single cc with like... a kid old enough for that not to be creepy. again, give em an oc kid or get rid of the kid entirely.

---

if possible, check the cc's boundaries or ask to see whats cool and what isnt. some people aren't gonna be cool w shipping, some people are, some people have their own sets of limits.

again, you are writing about other real life living people. make what you write something they're okay with existing. if you break those boundaries ill break ur fucking kneecaps

some ppl aren't gonna be cool being in fics with certain topics or themes in them. if they say so, respect that.

---

be aware at all times you are writing rpf. aka, fiction. what you write is 100% not real and fictionalized. never incorporate any forms of "truthing" into your rpf or rpf consumption. you dont know any of these people, you are writing things based on the persona they show you. you have no idea how this person actually is.

dont fuckin ship minors. also if you ship minors with adults go straight to fucking jail bc thats illegal!

dont make nsfw of minors. again, straight to fucking jail bc thats legit just child porn and you CAN and should be arrested for it!

---

never show a CC your rpf fanfic. i can guarantee, majority of the time they dont want to see it. don't bring it up to them, dont ask them to see it out or read any, let it be a FAN thing.

writing rpf is a fandom privilege, not something you are inherently given or deserve. it is something the cc allows to happen, and they can take it back at any time.

[clumsy-hood]

obey me! demon brothers + realizing they’re in love with mc

prompt: the order in which the brothers would realize they are in love with mc (sooner → later).

word count: 1,277

a/n: i know i said this in an earlier post, but the goal going forward will be to (hopefully) post my writing—commissions included—on weekends. i have quite a few concepts and rough drafts sitting in my notes that i still need to finish writing and editing. so far, it’s just a matter of finding the time to actually do it. but if anyone has any prompt lists they want to throw my way too, i’m open to finding additional inspiration!

1 → Mammon

Outwardly, yes, it would take him a while to drop the instant denial front he constantly threw up whenever someone accused him of having feelings for you. But inside? He knew he wanted to spend as much time with you as he possibly could and shower you with gifts he’d try to save up for or earn. And if it was possible to get a matching gift, then he’d splurge a little extra because it meant something more connected you to one another and was a special thing shared between you—and ONLY you two. Hell, with your permission, he even left the occasional t-shirt or jacket in your room—and even secretly stashed his toothbrush in your bathroom due to passing out after too many late-night movie marathons. Sure, his brothers’ constant teasing annoyed him to no end, but even Mammon couldn’t deny he was greedy for your time. He loved you so soon and suddenly, wanting to hold your hand and never let you go. 

2 → Asmo: 

Without a doubt, Asmo knew he was attracted to you from the moment he laid eyes on you—although it wasn’t your physical beauty that snared him but rather the aura you exuded. Of course, the physical attraction was undeniable to him as well so he couldn’t help the showering of compliments that rained from his lips; he is, after all, the Avatar of Lust, and actions such as those were completely second nature to him. It started with the lingering touches, though, when he realized something was amiss this time. His skin warmed unnaturally wherever your brushed against his—even if for just a moment—and lingered on him throughout the day. It never truly hit him until he’d regularly seek out your company for seemingly platonic or romantic reasons—without desiring any future sexual gratification. Obviously, those thoughts occupied his mind and the flirting with you never ceased—unless you asked him to, of course—but after centuries of experiencing lust and adoration, love consumed his heart, and he merely wanted you to feel the same for him in return. 

3 → Satan: 

With all his knowledge of fictional romance in TV shows and books, Satan was convinced he would truly know a romantic love—if he were able to experience it—by the excitement and explosive emotions it carried. However, he was quick to discover it was quite the opposite with you: The rage he carefully concealed with polite smiles and intellect was blanketed in warmth and peace whenever you were around. It was a sudden shock to him, the first time he realized he wasn’t consumed with anger, and all because he was in your presence. The demon regularly sought your company, adoring your attention—whether it was listening to him discuss the plot twist in a mystery novel he was reading or showing you his favorite spots in Devildom he never shared with his brothers. He was never in denial about his emotions for you; all he knew was that a human saw kindness and good in him, and he wanted to prove—at least to himself—he was worthy of such good. 

4 → Lucifer: 

It wasn’t so much that Lucifer would ever be in denial of these feelings—once he’d realized he was in love with you, it was like every nerve was set on fire—but rather he was concerned hi emotions would compromise Diavolo’s goals. Every moment you spent laughing and smiling with his brothers rather than with him left the demon frustrated and hopelessly hollow believing he couldn’t keep you as close as he’d like. Even the slightest graze from you, however platonic or intentional, left the spot blazing from your touch. You were meant to drive him crazy in the worst possible ways and yet all the traits he wanted to despise were only found endearing. Your stubbornness, your kindness, and your curiosity—all attributes that should have maddened him to no end, he noticed, came from a place of love as well. The demon may struggle to consider a human to be his equal, but he’ll never question his love of your presence, your smile, your touch, your damn—well—everything. And as much as he wouldn’t want to jeopardize Diavolo’s plan, loving you makes him doubt every other thing. 

5 → Belphie: 

Even if his hatred towards human quickly faded upon the discoveries of Lilith and her connection to you, opening himself up to the idea of being in love with you was a genuinely jarring concept to him. Especially if you found it in yourself to forgive him for, you know, killing you, Belphie wanted to prove himself worthy of your forgiveness in the first place—even if he tended to be a little shithead going about it. Like most of the brothers, he was rather needy for your time and attention, but where they often showed you their favorite spots in Devildom, he sought quiet areas around the House of Lamentation where the two of you could be alone. Something about you was so soft and warm to him. Honestly, most of his dreams were filled with visions of your smile and laugh, your body pressed snuggly against his. Maybe he wasn’t the most forthcoming with his love, but he never shied away from telling you how much he wanted to live with only you and Beel forever. He’s a demon with some regrets—hurting you being at the top of the list—but being the reason for your smile eased the guilt bit by bit. 

6 → Levi: 

An overwhelming sense of confusion and denial would leave him on the fence for a long time until he’d come to terms with his feelings towards you. And honestly, you couldn’t really blame the demon—Levi’s main loves for years have been 2D characters so suddenly developing such strange emotions or an attraction to a real human would be damning to him. It couldn’t be helped, though. For all he had tried to push you away or disregard your norm opinions, he couldn’t help how giddy he’d get whenever you’d agree to watch a new anime with him or introduce him to a new idol band. He was wholeheartedly convinced you must clearly be doing this out of pity or something—no matter if your heart was truly in it or not—because even his brothers never seemed to give his interests the rapt attention you offered him. He could be alone in his room and only think of how it’d be better with you there; or how he wanted to keep you so close, your fragrance would linger on his clothes so it was as though you were always with him. 

7 → Beel: 

Unlike some his brothers shacking up in a state of denial, Beel took longer to realize he was in love with you simply because he could never put his feelings into words. He knew he enjoyed spending time with you—rooming with you while Belphie was “away” was one of the initial highlights of your first stay in Devildom—and he was one to admit he considered you family to him, caring for you as he does for his brothers. Except, it was different. Maybe because you weren’t his actual family but his chosen family? He was never sure for the longest time. And yet, you were the only one he offered any of his food to and went out of his way to invite you out for dinner—which, in his mind, was a completely normal and friendly thing. But it’d strike him down like a bolt of lightning, realizing all of these feelings, once you’d offered to make him human food, and boy was he a goner. 

[norcumii]

The Alpha 17 Supplemental

We all deserve something a little nice. So here’s a rough draft preview of the Star to Steer By Alpha 17 supplemental. (Please note, this is unbetaed, subject to change, etc.)

I hope y’all have a good day. <3

~~~~

Alpha 17 was a good soldier. He knew from a very early age that he was good at combat, loved it, and he pushed himself to be the best that the GAR could produce.

He knew some of his brothers thought that made him a bit simple, limited, unambitious.

He didn’t care.

The trainers worried, concerned that he didn’t seem to pick up outside hobbies or interests. He could practically hear ‘there’s more to life than fighting!’ every time he got that look, the doubt screaming in their eyes. He knew that meant another psych eval was in his near future, and it was frustrating because they didn’t get it.

He liked fighting. He liked the simple math, how goal plus obstacle equaled a straightforward picture. He could break that down, take it apart and rearrange the bits for more carnage, less causalities, different outcomes depending on the goal. Some brothers liked painting, or reading, or whatever. Alpha 17 liked taking a battlefield to pieces, and the addition of life’s chaos and unpredictability just made it exciting.

It got worse as he got older, signing up for the ARC program the literal minute he was able to. His batchmates only rolled their eyes a little – they at least didn’t poke at him about it – but everyone else? The whispers just got more annoying.

ARC training was serious business, was he sure he wanted to? ARC training meant learning the ropes for hosting - like that would ever matter - and that didn’t seem to be the kind of thing he’d like. ARC training had a ridiculous wash-out rate, required a steady temperament, often led to a much shorter lifespan, blah blah blah.

ARCs got into the middle of the most interesting shit, were given command and solo missions in equal measure. They didn’t stick to any one thing, historically they were the ones getting shit done, and if there was trouble, they were liable to be at ground zero.

Of course Alpha 17 wanted in on that. So he did something else he was very good at: he kept his head down and worked his shebs off.

Didn’t stop the occasional complaints. He brushed off the ones that he could, went through all the usual psych evals (and the bonus ones too), and kept learning what he could. He trained, he excelled, he fought.

The attitude didn’t stop coming either, but that was no surprise. He might be stubborn, but so was the rest of the GAR. Came with the job description. Not that he took more than he had to, of course. After one instructor complained about excessive casualties, the next exercise he took an absurdly round-about approach which resulted in record low casualties for the sim exercise.

The next day he handed in a complaint against himself about incompetence, excessive caution, and an evaluation about how taking that fucking long would have resulted in a campaign that was far too high in cost, time, and resources.

The instructor quit bitching after that.

Alpha 17 started his ARC training as the youngest in his class. ARC trooper Alpha 17 went into his cryo stint as top graduate of his class, having already had a successful and noteworthy acclimation stint all around the mid- to outer-rim.

*****

Three years after his thaw, Alpha 17 returned from a mission totally-not-exploding some wildly unpleasant slavers’ headquarters to find the usual stack of correspondence waiting for him. He kept his holo-mail down to a screaming minimum as much as possible, because everyone and their classified dog preferred to send secured intel via datapads or datasticks or whatever data-things they could secure to biometrics and ident scans. He grabbed the box for incoming shit and hauled it off to his quarters, because it’d been almost four months away and even he would admit to needing a real godsdamned shower in his own fucking apartment.

He might’ve ignored the pile long enough for a decent meal from the commissary and a few hours of rack time out of sheer spite. When 17 finally sat down to sort it, he wasn’t too surprised that almost a quarter of the pads had the glossy red endcaps indicating highest priority. It took a second glance to register that one of those had further detailing, the Jedi Order’s symbol embossed on the center of the red caps.

That was different. 17 set down the two pads he’d grabbed at random to pick it up instead. The metal shell wasn’t new, but it held few of the dings and scratches any correspondence gained traveling through the courier system. Recently made or rarely used.

“The hell?” he muttered, powering it up. Official Order business of some sort, but what kind of mission could –

17’s brain stalled out as he finally read the simple, clear message.

Simple, clear, and about as unlikely as him sprouting wings and flying to Corellia without a ship. “Potential host.” Nope, sounded even crazier out loud. “Like hell.” He tossed the pad down and slumped back in his chair, staring at the datapad in confusion. How the fuck was he a potential host? What kind of Jedi could he possibly have a match with?

In some kind of vain hope that the message would change to something that made sense given enough time, 17 mechanically went through the rest of his mail. Several innocuous messages regarding hazard pay; five potential missions, two of which had a time window long past; one message rescinding one of the other potential missions; one airworthiness directive and recall about a jetpack model he hated anyways; somehow even more questions about his deposition for the fucking Cato Neimoidia cluster because lawyers were never truly done.

All the usual bullshit, really.

Didn’t change the potential host message, though.

*****

Alpha 17 answered the call, of course. He sent a reply message off, confirmed the trip to Coruscant via the usual GAR channels, and then he tried to lose himself in post-mission paperwork.

It didn’t help that if anything was less likely to occupy his attention, it was paperwork. Even the usual joys of finding new and ridiculous euphemisms for ‘killed a bunch of assholes’ and ‘blew up a lot of shit’ were empty and useless.

The question of what kind of Jedi could possibly consider him a match dogged him all the way to Coruscant, and only got worse when he walked into the changing room with the other two candidates. One was a quiet, well-dressed Zeltron who was the most unassuming being 17 had ever laid eyes on. Short red hair, heading towards middle-age, and 100% unremarkable – he wouldn’t call them “bland,” but he wouldn’t argue the point if someone else did. The other one was an older Wookiee who sauntered in with all the trappings of an AgriCorp member, cheerfully growling observations about everything with an air of nervous excitement.

Sure, he knew the matching was probably on different quadrants, but what the hells could he have in common with these two?

The Jedi deposited on the fourth side of the table was a bit on the small side – maybe fully grown, maybe just younger but with their mature coloring. It was hard to tell with Jedi, even for someone who was good at that kind of thing.

That was not in 17’s skillset.

It was no help whatsoever that the Jedi turned towards 17 first. He felt ridiculous, stretching out his hand like he was inviting someone’s pet to take a whiff, but somehow this was worse than in training. Training meant everyone had to be there, and was going through the motions, but this –

This was the real deal. What the fuck was 17 doing, really applying to be a host?

The Jedi curled around his wrist, warmer than expected. He could feel the faint buzz in his mind of the Jedi’s mental probe – nothing that could be strong enough to read actual thoughts, but enough to give them a decent impression of 17. He had to stifle down a snicker, imagining what it might be like to feel his mind. I like fighting, blowing shit up, and doing my job. Sorry to waste your time, Jedi.

The pulse of amusement – real, and not his – was a bucket of ice down his spine. Shit. Shiiiit, he hoped that hadn’t been somehow broadcast. It probably hadn’t, but that was awkward. Meanwhile, the Jedi let out a quiet hiss, sharing some kind of emotional nudge to pass them along.

It was hard not rubbing at his wrist where the Jedi had been as the other two host-potentials went through the ritual. 17 was sure that some of the discomfort was due to being out of armor, but a quiet part of him wondered about the strange reaction anyways.

Hosting wasn’t a thing. He’d never given the faintest shit about hosting, he just wanted to be an ARC.

He was paying enough attention to do all the bowing and whatever that was called for, but it took the amused chuffing of a Wookiee to pull 17 all the way back to the matter at hand.

Literally at hand; the Jedi was back near his wrist, looking up at him with those four bright eyes and a body posture that might indicate concern.

Wait, WHAT? 17’s head jerked up, and he looked at the other two in the room. The Wookiee was grinning, while the Zeltron was hiding their amusement almost well enough that they just looked a little bored. He couldn’t help but feel that it was intentional that he could read the body language at all. 17 looked back down at the Jedi, who weh-ed at him.

“What are you doing?” 17 asked right back, because there was no way this could be happening. The Jedi scooted a little closer to him, making another hissing noise. With the continued sensation that this could not really be happening, 17 held his hand out to the Jedi.

They sauntered right onto his palm, still giving him that look. Another glance at the other host-potentials confirmed the impossible, but 17 was still slow enough lifting the Jedi that there was plenty of time for someone to declare that this was some ridiculous mistake, or prank, or something.

Nobody said anything as 17 opened his mouth and let the Jedi in. There was that feeling of movement that wasn’t (except it really was), then there was a new voice in 17’s mind.

#Hello there,# the Jedi declared. They sounded male, young, good natured. Not at all like what 17 would have expected. #I’m Obi-Wan Kenobi.#

#Well that’s a mouthful,# 17 couldn’t help but think, bemused and not quite sure what the hell was going on.

There was a sound of muffled laughter, accompanied by something not-really-a-flash to how that was a pun given how the Jedi – Kenobi – had just entered. #From a certain perspective, yes.#

17 smirked, enjoying the feel of a fellow sapient in spite of himself. #Alpha 17. ARC-17017.#

*****

It was always easy to tell the difference between Qui-Gon and Tahl. She moved with thoughtful purpose, feet planted solid on the ground and shoulders aggressively square. Jinn flowed more, confident and feline, certain of himself in a sometimes arrogant way that could piss off even the most serene being, let alone Alpha 17.

He liked and respected them both, more than he or Obi-Wan figured most people understood. He hadn’t expected that, when he’d first met the Jedi and host that were to be Obi-Wan’s – and his, in a sense – primary trainers. He’d resented that at first, not that he’d admit it. He was no youngling, for all that Obi-Wan was a shiny. Obi-Wan also had inherited memories, and since 17 was a well-trained and skilled soldier, they should be good to go in short order.

Then they had their first training session with Obi-Wan’s brand new lightsaber.

The less said about that fiasco, the better.

It took time to learn how everything fit together; 17’s blaster and fighting skills, Obi-Wan’s genuine talent for the lightsaber and acrobatics that thanks to the Force were well outside the normal bounds for a clone, and how the Force integrated with it all.

The first time 17 dodged away from a sparring partner only to reach and yank their legs out from under them, dumping them to the floor several meters away, he’d been stunned. It was one thing to know Jedi – and thus their hosts – could use the Force, it was totally another to see it in action, and it was a far different beast to do that impossibility himself.

He liked it, though. It was interesting to find there was a whole new area and styles of fighting he could apply himself to, and as always he did so with excessive diligence.

With the comforting glee inside his head of a Jedi just as eager to learn, and to fight, he no longer questioned why the hell he’d been the one to host Obi-Wan.

~end section

[drethanramslay]

Rock Bottom

Pairing: Mona X MC (Alexis Jennings)

Masterlist

Word count: 1.8 K (I really tried🤧)

Warnings: None, there is swearing, also there is a crossover 👀

Author's note: I'm taking part in @rodappreciationweek and this is my entry for day 3 (mona)

The hosts of RoDaw @client-327 @brightpinkpeppercorn and @choicesarehard are donating $5 usd to the Lebanese red cross, up to $500 for every piece of Mona content today! Please consider making/posting something for Mona today if you haven't already❤️

I'm also taking part in @wackydrabbles so you will find the prompt in bold

Forgive me if I make any mistakes

"Prisoners move back to your respective cells." The loudspeaker blared, cutting sharply through the air, giving Mona a cold splash of reality.

Until that godforsaken announcement, Mona had been sitting on the steps, her eyes closed as she enjoyed the cool breeze threading through her hair. The sun rays poured over her and she enjoyed the warmth emanating from them. She could smell the ocean and with her eyes closed, she could almost imagine standing on the shores of Santa Monica, the sound of the waves washing over her.

But there is only so much imagination one can use to forget that she was in jail.

To her darn luck, she had been transferred to Trask Island, a maximum security prison off the coast of Florida. It was one of those dreary prison where you were completely cut off from the world.

No call, no letters, no communication.

Whatever fucked up environment they created here, that was her world and Mona hated every second of it.

It was also called the 'rock' because one, it was on a island and two, it would drown all your hopes and wishes of a future, just like how a rock sinks in water.

No one has ever escaped Trask Island and no one ever will. The words of the warden echoed through her head making her scoff.

It's cute that he thinks I will be sticking around in this shit hole.

Mona was super determined to get the fuck out of here even though there were moments when she was completely and utterly lost.

She hated the orange tracksuits she had to wear. She hated the way these spiteful men dictated her life and tried to break her spirit. She hated being stuck in a tiny cell.

She longed to feel the adrenaline rush in her veins when she raced.

She longed to feel her hands gripping her steering wheel, as she drove at speeds defying gravity.

But most of all she longed for Alexis... The girl she left behind.

Mona found it ironic. After her ex ratted her to the police she swore that she would never let anyone have that power over her. That she would never wear her heart on her sleeve again. She built this impenetrable fortress around herself so that no one could enter and know the real her.

But Alexis managed to do that by just smiling at her.

The way their hands fit perfectly into each other's... The way that all her worries would go away when Alex was in her arms... The way that they both pushed each other, looked out for each other and challenged each other...

Mona had never witnessed such a feeling of companionship and she couldn't help but fall for her.

I love you Mona... Those words haunted her but at the same time motivated her to keep going through the motions of the day.

Her fantasies were abruptly interrupted by the guard kicking her combat boots. "Up and going, or do you want a month in solitary?"

And the thing she hated the most about this prison are the guards. I mean it was normal to hate them but this was some next level shit. She absolutely abhorred them to such a extent that she wanted to strangle them with her bare hands.

The number of times she was thrown into solitary was not even funny. And all of them were for the dumbest of the dumbest reasons.

Hell she was thrown in the hole for a fight she wasn't even part of.

All men are the same... Power hungry and drunk on greed. That's why girls are better.

So not wanting to risk living in the darkness for a month, she bit her tongue and got up before joining the other cellmates.

"What a dick." Eris Huang, an expert demolition muttered under her breath, so low that only Mona could hear it, causing her to snort.

In the six months she was here, she was low-key glad that she met Eris. They two met when Mona was moved into Eris' cell. Both were strong willed, hard headed and sarcastic woman so it wasn't really surprising that they became fast friends.

"Tell me about it. One of these days he is gonna piss me off so bad that I will end up castrating him with a blunt knife."

"Oof. I will hold him down and break his legs." Eris offered causing Mona to smirk. I like this girl. 

"Anyways, I have a shift at the library so meet you later." Eris spoke.

"Get me another notebook if possible."

"What are you writing? A love letter?" Eris teased which made Mona roll her eyes but she wasn't very far off from the truth.

"A lady never tells." Mona answered causing Eris to chuckle as she took a left to go to the basement.

Mona reached her cell and she felt the the cell gate close behind her with a loud clang, which resonated in her ribcage.

Sure, hanging out in the yard and working in the workshop was a welcome distraction but staying in her small cell for more than 17 hours would make a girl lonely.

So, in all these hours of loneliness, sadness and hopelessness Mona found some sort of solace in writing about her dreams, list of things she was going to do once she was out, her aspirations... But most importantly, how much she missed Alex and how she wished to be by her side.

So settling into the corner of her bunk, she opened the notebook with tattered pages so that she could write.

Dear Alex, I know I told you to not let me imprison you but that's not applicable to me because you are always on my mind. It's hard to forget you. I miss you so much....

Do you know what day it is today? It's the fifth... Or I assume so because there is no calendar here. We aren't told what date, month, year it is. It's just days which sinks into the lonely nights and the cycle continues.

It's been six months since I last saw you... And I guess it just hit me hard.

It's just cruel how little time we had together.

I still remember that night. How happy we were in that cute little prom of yours. I still remember how heartbroken you were when I betrayed you.

But you didn't let it break you.

I still remember the way you took down those bastards. I still remember how fucking proud I felt on that moment. I still remember how I took a bullet for you and the shock that coloured your face.

And I know the thoughts which ran at your head in that moment. "Someone actually cares enough for me to take a bullet for me."

I'm here to tell you that yes, I took a bullet for you and I would do it a thousand times over just to prove that I love you and I care about you. I'm here to tell you that you are worth it and you deserve all the love in the world.

I wish I could hold you in my arms and tell you all of this but... Life loves fucking with me and you got caught as collateral.

It's just... Hard some days. Sure I have made friends with some other criminals and tried to make this fuckery my new normal but I'm only human. I'm few moments away from sinking to rock bottom, as shocking as that may sound.

You always perceived me as an aloof, careless and a strong badass but that changed when I met you.

Sure I was always strong but you make me stronger. You and me... We both are like two knives sharpening each other. Pushing each other to reach new heights of awesomeness.

But, I also want to worry for you. I want to appreciate you. I want to wake up next to you and I want to love you.

I often wish how we would have met if I had not gone down the wrong path. Would we have met at some pub? Or in some Ivy League college? Or some frat party?

People often say that you shouldn't waste time thinking about the things that could have been but when you are in a prison with nothing but time, that's all you seem to do.

So yeah, you are the only thing preventing me from going insane.

I think that's enough emotional bullshit for today and I'm low-key relieved that you aren't reading these letters, of me talking like a sap.

But one thing is for sure- I love you.

Yours, Mona.

She heard the electric buzzer and the door of her cell opened. Eris walked in with an impassive face with a guard standing at the entrance. He shut the cell gate and walked away.

Mona's eyes narrowed as she sat up straight. Wait a minute-

She waited for the guard to be far away before she spoke up. "You have a plan."

Eris turned the light off of the cell and plopped on to the bed opposite Mona's.

"Smartie. Always knew I did a good job of recruiting you."

"But how? Do you remember the last time you failed and ended up in the hole for a month and a half?!"

"Yes I do remember but this is foolproof. We have outside help."

"... I'm listening."

"Do you speak thief?" She asked which made Mona scoff in disbelief.

"Obviously. I have stolen cars and kidnapped people. Obviously I'm no amateur."

Eris proceeded to explain how her friends Rye and some other chick had come up with a plan. She listened with complete attention and only stopped her to ask valid questions.

"So... Are you in?"

Mona tried weighing the pros and cons. It's sounded a tad bit unrealistic and far fetched. There were a couple of loose ends which made her hesitate.

Eris noticed that and grasped her hand. "See Mona, no escape plan is perfect. This is a rough draft and we will work out the kinks. But remember, the three crucial things an escape plan needs is- Luck, faith and determination. We don't know about what lady luck has in store but, we sure can have faith and determination."

"I know that you hate it here and I know the punishment of escaping is harsh but what's wrong in trying? We are already suffering as it is, what's a little more? And I see that fire in your eyes, M."

"The fire to break free and the fire to go back to your girl."

Mona looked up and the momentary joy of getting to see Alexis soon. Adrenaline courses through her veins, causing her heart to beat faster.

Eris leaned forward, her voice intense. "So tell me- Would you like to blow this joint or rot in here for the next five years wishing you could have atleast tried?"

Mona's eyes met hers and a smirk formed in her face. Reaching forward she shook Eris's hands, sealing the deal.  "What the hell. This is without doubt the stupidest plan you've ever had. Of course I'm in."

Don't worry Alexis, I'm coming home.

Hope you liked it 😊

Mona x MC Taglist : @kamilahsayeet2063 @kaitlynliaofanxx @vampiregirlsblog @made-me-deep-blue

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[ahiddenpath]

Combating Writing Paralysis with Successive Drafts

Hey all!  It’s been a long time since I’ve written about writing, but a switch flipped in my brain while I was drafting this morning.  Suddenly, I had to share my thoughts on utilizing successive drafts to split the copious concepts writers juggle into manageable loads.  

This is a long, but practical post.  I hope you’ll read on below the cut!

It’s common for writers to feel overwhelmed, and no wonder.  There are so many narrative elements to consider, and there’s usually far more content to write before you have a complete work of fiction.

My advice is to never attempt to nail every aspect of your story in the first draft.  Instead, try approaching each draft with specific goals, lightening your expectations and mental load for each iteration.  The idea is to make writing less intimidating, and to polish every element by giving each one individual attention.

I’m not a professional writer, so I can only tell you how I approach the drafting process.  I encourage you to experiment with these ideas and find what works best for you; there’s no need to limit yourself to my template.

Annnnd here we go!

Draft 1:  Plot and Movement

The purpose of my first draft is to simply move the characters through the plot points/action of the chapter or scene.  

I’m not suggesting that you exclude dialogue and characterization, or that you write a plot outline.  Simply write a rough draft in its entirety, but don’t worry about the quality.  Your goal here is to iron out what happens.

Draft 2:  Herding the Plot Bunnies, Staging

In this draft, I focus on:

-Refining the plot:  At this stage, I consider concerns such as: do the plot points obey the work’s internal logic?  How does this scene contribute to the overall plot?  How does it lead to the next scene?  Am I properly setting up/providing info for future scenes?  

-Tracking plot details:  If timeline/dates/the current time are important to your story, double check them.  Make sure no important objects materialized from the ether.  Confirm that no plot points were dropped or forgotten; if a character lost her shoe last scene, then it should still be gone.

-Scene staging:  Did a character appear in the scene without explanation (ie, where did he come from)?  Where is everyone standing?  Where are any important objects?  If there’s an animal in the scene, where is it (it’s so easy to forget to mention a pet, who should be included in scenes set in the character’s living area)?  Are there important environmental features?

Draft 3:  Setting/Description, Characterization, and Pacing

Now that the basic details are handled, it’s time to dig deeper!  In this iteration, I focus on:

-Adding information about the setting.  In the previous drafts, you established where the characters are (for example, at a library).  Now, you can focus on the details and engage the senses.  What does the library look like?  Are patrons being quiet, or is someone obnoxiously talking?  Does it smell like old books?  Is the protagonist handling a mass produced book with thin pages that stain fingers with printing ink, or a hefty tome meant to last for generations?

-Enhancing dialogue and characterization and marrying them to the plot.  For example, in the library, perhaps the most bookish or research-oriented character should lead the scene.  Alternatively, maybe a less scholastic character is out of their element, and needs help or feels uncomfortable.  Choose the character best suited to move the plot along and generate the mood you desire.  

Ideally, you want the characters to lead the plot (ie, have agency), instead of the plot seizing the characters (ie, the characters have no choice but to flounder along with what is happening).  Plot-driven stories are absolutely a thing, so if that’s what you’re writing, then go for it.  Generally, though, audiences respond best to characters making their own decisions.

This is the perfect time to examine your previous drafts and play around with the characters, shuffling them among scenes or reassigning lines of dialogue as needed.  Which character has the skills or personality to handle this challenge?  Which character needs to be here to learn a pivotal piece of information, or to witness the scene and be changed by it?

-After you address the above points, take time to consider the chapter’s pacing.  Does anything feel bogged down and repetitive?  Rushed or unclear?

Draft 4:  Character Growth, Theme and Mood

Ah, now we’re getting to the juicy bits!  

You might have noticed that these drafts focus on increasingly difficult concepts.  Now, we’re striking at the heart of narratives: what the story aims to say, and how it aims to make readers feel.

Here’s what I consider at this stage:

-Character growth.  What did Character learn from this?  What new idea is churning in her head?  What pressures are building that might explode later?  How did I show Character displaying her growth or regression?

-How did I reinforce the thematic goals I have for this scene, and for the entire piece?  

It’s pivotal to identify your themes before you begin work on a story.  At this stage, I briefly identify how the chapter or scene supports the work’s themes.

Everyone has specific themes that matter to them.  I tend to write about: dealing with trauma, surviving and healing from abuse, the importance of seeking and giving support, found families, self-actualization, setting up and balancing your life according to your specific needs, feminist issues, establishing boundaries, acceptance, and independence vs dependence.  Even my works with lots of shenanigans and comedy, like Four Years, circle around these ideas.

I also “level” my themes in this draft.  I want to avoid being too heavy-handed or too oblique.  People tend to go too hard, rather than too soft, so I usually dial back.  You want to guide your reader to your point, not write it on your knuckles and deck them. 

-How does this scene make me feel?  

Influencing the emotions of your readers is... possibly a writer’s loftiest goal?  If readers experience an emotion as a result of your writing, then they’re invested, they’re absorbing it.  And, to some degree, they’re resonating with your words and message- and with you.

Consider what mood best suits your intentions, and play close attention to your execution.

Editing and Proofreading

I edit and proofread during every draft stage, except for draft 1 (here’s a resource on the difference between the two, if you’re interested).�� 

Stephen King’s On Writing is a must for folks who want to learn more about editing.  I’ve read many writing books, but his taught me to edit with a single sample, so it’s the one I recommend.  Basically, you must learn to excise words that aren’t adding anything (adverbs are frequent offenders), replace words with more direct/relevant/evocative ones, and replace hefty phrases with shorter ones.  Here’s a sample of that last concept from my Seeking Resonance draft:

“Koushiro moved out of the doorway” became “Koushiro moved aside.”  In the prose, I already established that Koushiro was in the doorway.  There was no need to specify where he was both coming and going, so I was able to express the idea with three words instead of six and avoid repeating the word “doorway/door.”

Once you see this logic in action, everything will click.  Give On Writing a read!  I guarantee that your library has copies, probably physical and digital.

Whew, I am out of steam, so I’ll wrap this up!  Remember, trying to hold the many aspects of narratives in your hands and carry them simultaneously is an enormous mental load.  It’s so much to carry that you might walk away instead of writing.  I hope this encourages you to pick up a few pieces at a time, in whatever order and combination makes sense to you.  

Additional Writing Posts

-Dishing with an artist

-Tips for Fanfic Authors

-More Tips for Fanfic Authors

-Tips for Winning Nanowrimo

-Resources/Advice for Digimon Adventure Fanfic Writers

[pheedraws]

I got tagged in this ultimate OTP meme a while ago and this has been sitting in my drafts since because I am, at my core, indecisive. It also means I can’t remember who tagged me so my apologies! I could not sleep at all last night so I finally finished it off ... voila 

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice?

They both try to keep things low-key, especially if others are within earshot, but they are also incredibly stubborn and won’t back down from an argument if they think they are right so things can often get loud.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?

Neither of them. They’ve both had enough people walk out on them in the past that they wouldn’t threaten the other with that in the heat of the moment, regardless of the argument.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?

As above. At the very most, one of them will go somewhere to cool off for a few hours but that’s the extent of that.

Who trashes the house?

Neither of them. Billy has the shorter temper of the two but that’s not his style.

Do either of them get physical?

Never.

How often do they argue/disagree?

Hoo boy. After Billy breaks things off mere days before they lose Maria and the kids? Dee can’t stand to be in the same room as him without fighting. Billy plays along, after all he needed the dispute to seem real so Rawlins would drop Dee as a potential pawn to use against him (thus keeping her safe), but the part of him he buried deep down hates seeing her hurt and angry. Doesn’t stop him from landing a few cutting jabs every now and then, though…

Post-S1? Not a lot. It takes them a while to work through things after Rawlins’ death and Billy’s pardoning, eventually getting back to how things were in the ‘good old days’. All the previous grievances just seem petty in comparison and thus arguments are few and far between. When they do get back together? It’s all small domestic things, the most common argument being Billy trying to get Dee to just slow down and stop working herself to the bone.

Who is the first to apologise?

Usually Billy. (He is usually the one in the wrong, so…)

Sex:

Who is on top?

More often than not Billy, though he certainly has no qualms against sitting back and making Dee work for it from time to time.

Who is on the bottom?

Mostly Dee, with exceptions of course. (She can top Billy every so often, as a treat)

Who has the strangest desires?

I wouldn’t say either of them have particularly strange desires, but their sex life is never boring. Let’s leave it at that.

Any kinks?

Too damn many. Dee more so than Billy, which he fucking loves.

Who’s dominant in bed?

Almost always Billy. Even when Dee’s on top, he’s still the one in control.

Is head ever in the equation?

Absolutely.

If so, who is better at performing it?

Billy’s an incredibly confident and smug man, both in life and in the bedroom. Is it justified? Wholly.

Ever had sex in public?

…Yes.

They just had to break in the newly refurbished head office at Anvil, after all…

Who moans the most?

They both get pretty vocal in their own ways. For Billy, it’s a lot of guttural moans and ‘fuck’s. In Dee’s case? Well, Billy doesn’t rest until she’s screaming loud enough that all her neighbors know him by name…

Who leaves the most marks?

Billy. He’d never push Dee past her limits or seriously hurt her, but he does get a little... carried away in the moment.

Dee loves it though.

Who’s the more experienced of the two?

Again, Billy.

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?

In the early days it was almost exclusively fucking. They had a friends-with-benefits situation going on that didn’t leave room for the feelings they both refused to acknowledge.

Post-S1, when everything is back on track and positive? It’s a healthy mix of the two.

Rough or soft?

Again, a healthy mix of the two.

How long do they usually last?

Billy has the stamina of a superhuman. Whether it’s fucking or making love, you can bet your ass he’s making it last until Dee is fully spent.

Is protection used?

Yes. They’re both too busy to consider the, ahem, alternative right now.

Does it ever get boring?

With Billy Russo? Never.

Where is the strangest place they’ve have sex?

An elevator.

Heathens.

Family:

Do they plan on having children/or have children?

That is… a complicated topic. After losing Lisa and Frank Jr., Dee was kind of put off the idea of starting a family with anyone. Billy has his own reservations about kids and parenthood too, given his own history. Plus post-S1, with both of them working hard towards getting Anvil re-established? There isn’t time for that.

Neither of them completely rule out future possibilities, though.

If so, how many children do they want/have?

Neither have given it much thought, in all honesty.

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle?

They are both partial to a good cuddle on the sofa or in bed, particularly after a long day.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?

B I L L Y. That man’s randiness is second to none.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themselves?

As above, Billy. It isn’t always inherently sexual, though; he uses touch as an affirmation more so than words, so he’ll make a point of brushing loose hairs out of Dee’s face, or sliding his arms around her waist whenever he can. He’s finally at a stage in his life where he can afford to be soft and affectionate, so naturally he wants to make the most of it.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?

Depends on the situation. Both of them are borderline workaholics, so staying still for anything longer than half an hour during the day just doesn’t sit well with them and they’ll take themselves off to get back to work. If they fall asleep in each other’s arms, though? You best believe they’ll still be entwined when morning comes.

Who gives the most kisses?

Dee’s the smoocher of the pair, always has been, though Billy has taken to planting a kiss on her forehead when her brows knit together while working to ease the tension there.

What is their favourite non-sexual activity?

Their secret indulgence is sacking off work on a Friday night to order pizza and drink beer while watching some dumb movie neither are really interested in. Sometimes they invite the others over, but more often than not it’s just their night to breathe and enjoy each other’s company.

Dee will adamantly deny that she almost always falls asleep during the movie, though…

Where is their favourite place to cuddle?

Billy spared no expense when decorating his penthouse, so the sofa and bed are simply to die for. In the end that’s what spurs Dee to move in with him, lest she have to listen to him complain about her brick of a sofa one more time…

How often do they get time to themselves?

Not as often as they’d like. Later on down the line, when Dee leaves her clinic behind, they both work at Anvil, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they have more time to themselves. It’s busy, especially in the wake of the Rawlins fiasco, but things settle down eventually. They take those moments to themselves whenever they can.

Sleeping:

Who snores?

Mercifully, neither of them do.

If both do, who snores the loudest?

While neither of them snore, Dee talks utter nonsense in her sleep, which Billy then teases her for relentlessly.

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?

Always share a bed. Sleep doesn’t come easy to Dee, but having Billy beside her helps.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?

They’ll cozy up as they fall asleep. More often than not they’ll wake up like that too, though Dee has been known to shift into some utterly nonsensical positions that would make a chiropractor cry.

What do they wear to bed? If they’re together?

Dee sleeps in a vest and shorts all year round.

Billy? Just underwear, unless previously removed before falling asleep …

Are either of them insomniacs?

Dee is a chronic insomniac and workaholic. While they’re in the middle of their break-up, can’t-stand-the-sight-of-each-other phase, Dee works through the night until she physically can’t stay awake any longer; anything to avoid the tossing and turning and overthinking that awaits her in bed. Things get better after Rawlins is dealt with and Billy is back in the picture, but it’s still a struggle for her at times.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?

Dee tried them once. They don’t work.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?

A little bit of both. Dee likes feeling Billy there with her so will tangle herself up in his arms and legs when she can, but if it’s hot? Stuff that. There’s nothing Dee hates more than feeling hot and smothered.

Who wakes up with bed hair?

Dee, and she will forever be bitter that Billy I’m-So-Perfect Russo can wake up looking like a damn model regardless of the antics they got up to the night before.

Who wakes up first?

If Dee had a fitful night of sleep, she’ll be up and out of bed at the earliest reasonable hour. On a normal day, Billy will wake up first.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?

They usually just grab breakfast on the way to work, but if it’s a weekend or a special occasion? Billy is known to surprise her with breakfast in bed.

What’s their favourite sleeping position?

Billy on his back with Dee against his side, her head in the crook of his neck.

Do they set an alarm each night?

Billy doesn’t need one; perks of being a marine, and all. If they need to be up at a certain time, he’ll wake Dee up himself… sometimes in creative ways.

Can a television be found in their bedroom?

No. Billy never had one in his bedroom when he lived alone, and Dee wasn’t fussed either way.

Who has nightmares?

They both have their demons, so nightmares are a frequent occurrence. There’s a shared sense of comfort there, though; the pair always knowing what the other needs when they awake with a start, sheen of sweat on their body. The nightmares don’t follow them into the waking world anymore.

Who has ridiculous dreams?

Dee. And she’ll mutter and talk in her sleep the whole time.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?

Surprisingly, Billy. While he’s kept many of his old sleeping habits from his days in the marines, he just can’t resist sprawling out in a big, fancy bed these days.

Who makes the bed?

They’re both neat people, so the general unspoken rule is whoever was last out of bed in the morning makes it.

What time is bed time?

It varies. They do try to have a healthy work-life balance, but Anvil is Billy’s pride and joy; if he needs to stay late working, he’ll do it without complaint. They’ll usually collapse into bed any time between 11PM and 2AM.

Any routines/rituals before bed?

Regular things; showering, brushing teeth, etc. If they haven’t seen much of each other all day they’ll lay awake chatting for a while, catching up on news and such. If Dee is going through a particularly bad stint of insomnia, she’ll work out in the evening to try and quell some of the restless feelings, and Billy has taken to joining her.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?

Dee. Billy is insufferably smug and cheerful on a morning.  

Work:

Who is the busiest?

It varies. When Dee is working at the clinic, she’s working constantly. Where Frank goes, trouble is never far behind, and thus there’s never a quiet moment without a bullet wound to patch up or regular patient to see to. After she decides to call it quits and work for Anvil with Frank, Billy and Curtis, her workload decreases a bit. Though she may be the resident medic, Billy has a lot more work and responsibilities being at the top of the chain in that scenario.

Who rakes in the highest income?

Mr Billy Bigshot-CEO Russo

Are any of them unemployed?

No.

Who takes the most sick days?

Dee is very much of the ‘work until you drop’ ethic, and while the same can be said about Billy too in some respects, he’s more lenient with himself and will take a day off when he really needs it. He’ll also bribe encourage Dee to do the same when it’s evident she needs a break.

And I mean hey, what’s the point in owning your own company if you can’t take a cheeky sick day off every now and then?

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?

They travel together (technically live in the same damn building as their offices) so they really have no excuse. For the most part it all runs smoothly, but there are occasions where their ….. morning activities….. overrun, though Dee is adamant that you can never actually be late if you turn up with the boss; everyone else is just there early.  

Who sucks up to their boss?

Billy is technically Dee’s boss so…. go figure.

What are their jobs?          

After leaving the military, Dee establishes a small clinic in Hell’s Kitchen and works out of there for a few years. It’s met with a lot of resistance, what with her helping Frank out and getting involved in his grievances with local gangs. Eventually, post-S1 and after an arson attack leaves the clinic worse for wear, Dee decides to take up Billy’s offer of working for Anvil alongside Curtis on the medical team.

Billy still owns and runs Anvil, only with his friends by his side this time. It takes some time for the company’s reputation to recover, even after the truth about Rawlins comes out and Billy is exonerated, but he doesn’t mind the work. It makes it feel like his company again.

Who stresses the most?

They both have a knack for stressing and worrying, but Dee comes out on top in this regard. Maria always used to joke that she’d end up with frown lines by the time she’s thirty.

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?

They do. Billy has an immense sense of pride in his work now, and it’s therapeutic for him to work through the mess Rawlins made and reclaim Anvil as his.

Dee loves helping people, always has, so her work suits her.

Are they financially stable?

They are.

Home:

Who does the washing?

They’ll take it in turns for the most part. Both are incredibly neat people so household work is a breeze.

Who takes out the trash?

They’ll usually do it on the way to work, though if it’s cold outside and they have nowhere to be? Billy’s the one to take one for the team.

Who does the ironing?

Billy took one look at the way Dee irons shirts and forbid her from going near an iron again.

Who does the cooking?

Cooking is something they love to do together. It’s a chance for them to unwind and chat and laugh with each other after long working days, so it’s never a chore for them. If a few glasses of wine just happen to be drank during the process, too… well… they deserve it.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?

They’re both pretty competent cooks.

Who is messier?

Neither is particularly messy, per se. Dee will say she’s not untidy and call her chaotic desk ‘organized clutter’, but that’s usually limited to her workspaces. The penthouse itself is almost always clean and tidy.

Who leaves the toilet roll empty?

Neither, because they are not heathens… in this regard, at least.

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?

If Billy is tired, he’ll just strip wherever is convenient and deal with the clothes in the morning. Dee at least makes the extra effort to hang things up or, at the very least, drape it over a chair.

Who forgets to flush the toilet?

They’re both pretty good for remembering that.

Who is the prankster around the house?

Dee has more of a sense of humor than Billy, but that’s not to say Billy doesn’t act like an utter asshole at times when he sees the opportunity.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?

Dee doesn’t have a car (she can drive, there’s just not much use for one in the city) so she’s exempt.

I feel like Billy’s car keys are permanently attached to his person. He drives a Wraith, after all.

Who mows the lawn?

Lawn? What’s that?

(Not having a garden is the one thing Dee doesn’t particularly like about city living, though)

Who answers the telephone?

Each has their own mobile, so they deal with their own calls and such.

Who does the vacuuming?

Like with most housework, they’ll take it in turns. Dee refuses to hoover stairs, though, on the grounds that she doesn’t have a death wish.

Who does the groceries?

It depends on whoever has the least amount of work to do on that particular day. Billy quickly catches on to Dee’s confectionary-buying ways, though, so he’ll volunteer to do the shopping more often than not to save their pantry from yet more sugar.

Who takes the longest to shower?

With both of them having served tours overseas, they’re used to showering quickly and effectively. If they’re in the shower together, though? All notions of saving water are out the window.

Who spends the most time in the bathroom?

Billy. Russo. That man has a morning beauty routine to rival any model.

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem?

Nope!

How many cars do they own?

One.

Do they own their home or do they rent?

Billy owns the penthouse. Prior to moving in with him, Dee used to rent an apartment in the city.

Do they live in the city or in the country?

New York, New York, baby!

Do they enjoy their surroundings?

Both grew up in city environments, so New York just feels like home to them. I think after everything they’ve been through, both individually and together, anywhere else would just feel…. Boring?

What’s their song?

Green Grass by Tom Waits

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

If Billy is away with work, they call or skype whenever they can. They’ve spent unwanted time apart in the past, on particularly bad terms to boot, so they don’t like being away from each other for extended periods.

Where did they first meet?

Dee practically grew up with Maria; the two had been nigh on inseparable since the day they met in elementary school, and formed a sisterly bond that carried on way into adulthood. Dee was already going through basic training when Maria introduced her to Frank, who then brought Billy along to the group a couple of weeks later. The two swiftly became close friends, and dabbled in a bit of the ol friends-with-benefits arrangement when off duty.

Who spends the most money when out shopping?

Billy is more willing to spend money, but he rarely goes out shopping for himself; it’s either something to boost Anvil’s status or capabilities, or something for the penthouse. Dee grew up lacking the financial cushion they have today, so old habits die hard in her case. She won’t buy things for herself unless she really needs something, and even then it takes a lot of internal debating to reach that point.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?

Dee is fairly clumsy, much to her dismay (and Billy’s apparent enjoyment).

Any mental issues?

Hoo boy. Billy is an entire essay in his own right so I’ll focus on Dee, though a lot of their mental troubles overlap. Dee left the military after a mission in Iraq under Schoonover went awry, landing the unit in a hostage situation with only Dee and the Major managing to survive two weeks until they were extracted. She was initially given leave to recover and recuperate with intentions of returning to duty, but she decided against it and was discharged. Dee was later diagnosed with PTSD as a result of the incident. Add to that the later trauma of losing Maria, her lifelong best friend and practically her sister, as well as Lisa and Frank Jr.? The woman went through a lot in an incredibly short space of time and it took its toll on her both mentally and physically.

(I’m missing a lot but alas I have not slept and cannot write a coherent paragraph)

Who’s terrified of bugs?

Dee point-blank refuses to be in the same room as a spider. She knows it’s a bit pathetic, but frankly? She doesn’t really care. Other bugs are fine, just no creepy crawlies inside, please.

Who kills the spiders around the house?

As mentioned above, Dee will not touch a single spider so it’s down to Billy to be the hero and remove them from the building.

Their favourite place?

New York City apartments don’t have much in the way of gardens, but the rooftop terrace on the penthouse quickly became their favourite spot once it was given a bit of TLC. Dee has a few planters for growing flowers and herbs for the kitchen, and Billy surprised her one night with a firepit perfect for huddling around as the sun goes down. It’s like a little safe haven away from the stressful jobs and business below them.

Who pays the bills?

They both contribute, Dee was very insistent on that when she moved in, though Billy offered otherwise.

Do they have any fears for the future?

Plenty. Billy still doubts himself, still judges himself by his past mistakes and actions and worries that one day, everything he holds dear will eventually crumble before him again, only this time he won’t be able to pick up the pieces. He keeps these fears to himself, but Dee can tell when those thoughts are giving him grief, and is always there to offer words of reassurance.

Dee worries about Frank. Her elder brother almost; the one constant in her life over the tumultuous years. She worries that one day, this life they’ve all rebuilt together won’t be enough for him, that he’ll miss what made him him, miss the violence and vengeance. And she gets it, to an extent. She lived that life too after Maria and the kids passed, helping him and getting her hands dirty in ways that meant they’ll never be clean again. But she’s settled now, here, with Billy and Frank and Curtis. She just worries the peace she found won’t last.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?

Billy, most definitely. He has expensive tastes to begin with and is fairly spontaneous in nature; he’ll often call Dee at work to announce that they’re going out mere hours in advance. It brings him joy to do things for others.

Who’s the tallest?

Billy. He’ll tease Dee about it from time to time, but really? He loves the way he can press his lips to her forehead when she’s in his arms.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?

While they both love showering together and, ahem, other more scandalous antics, it’s usually Billy who initiates and slips into the shower behind Dee as opposed to the other way around because for Christ sake Billy shower at a reasonable hour who willingly gets up at 5:30 every morning

Who wanders around in their underwear?

Dee, though Billy has been known to join the underwear party when he a. hungover b. exhausted or c. too damn warm.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?

Dee, and while she can indeed sing, she gets so much more joy out of seeing Billy’s grimace whenever she purposefully butchers a song.

What do they tease each other about?

Dee pokes fun at Billy’s hair and how goddamn perfect it is all the time. She’s also taken to lovingly ruffling it up a tad when they’re at home, though that often ends with either her being hoisted over his shoulder or tickled relentlessly…

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?

They both dress fairly smartly on a day to day basis, taking pride in their appearance and the way they present themselves to the world. There is one exception, however, and that is when Dee insists on lounging around the penthouse that god awful “I Got A Dig Bick” tee Frank gifted Billy during one of Anvil’s annual jokey Secret Santa exchanges. Each time he sees it in the laundry basket he tries his best to dispose of it, but that thing just keeps on making its way back into the wardrobe...

Do they have mutual friends?

They do! Frank and Curtis being the main two, with Karen being more of a mutual acquaintance for Billy, who missed out on a lot while stuck working for Rawlins.

Who crushed first?

There was a mutual attraction there which ultimately spurned the whole friends-with-benefits situation, but Dee was the first to start getting actual Feelings.

Any alcohol or substance related problems?

None.

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk,  at 3 am?

If they’re out drinking that late, they’re most likely out together. Dee’s accent gets stronger when she’s drunk, which Billy finds hilarious. Coincidentally, he also finds everything funny when shitfaced drunk. Naturally, they make quite the pair...

Who swears the most?

Dee swears like a sailor, at any minor inconvenience. Dropped something? Oh fuck off. Minor inconvenience? Bastard. Billy blames it on being exposed to Frank Castle at an early age, which earns a fuck you from them both.

[mewtwowarrior]

Under the Keep Reading is a janky fanfic that got way away from me and contains spoilers for Tron: Legacy and Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance.

I’ve been on a Tron kick lately and yesterday I was reading about the Tron: Legacy world in Dream Drop Distance and came across something that struck me as so fascinating, I had to write about it.

Apparently, at one point in the game, Clu offers to trade Sora Rinzler in exchange for the Keyblade. Sora, of course, says no, but it got me to thinking...

Things to keep in mind:

-I haven’t played Kingdom Hearts in forever and I haven’t started Dream Drop Distance yet, things will definitely be wrong. I read a little bit more, and I know things don’t play out even partially like I’ve written them, but I loved my original idea so much I had to keep it.

-I haven’t seen anything Tron in forever, except for playing some of Tron: Evolution lately, so character voices are probably super wrong

-Ark’s just a placeholder name for now, I don’t have a dedicated Kingdom Hearts OC, except for generic self insert nonsense, so I just put in my Tron OC’s name because it fits.

-Probably need to tweak some of Ark’s dialogue, I don’t really have a solid personality for her yet, but it started coming out as I was writing more of the story.

-I’m not completely happy with parts of this, but overall, I think it’s okay. It needs a better beginning (possibly going back in the past more and fleshing things out) and a better/actual ending (I’m not sure how to resolve the conflict just yet).

-I don’t know what happened here, the story got away from me, I had a rough outline last night, and when I started writing it, details kept coming up more.

-I’ve been wanting to write something about Rinzler for a few days now and this is what I finally hit on as working.

-I probably need to go back and most of the italics I was intending to be there, I wrote it in Notepad, so I didn’t have that option and forgot about it when posting, whoops.

-I feel like I should somehow apologize for this, so I’m sorry.

Part 1/Prequel 1st Draft

Part 2/Original 1st Draft (You are here)

Part 3/Finish 1st Draft

All Combined Revision 1

All Combined Revision 2

All Combined Revision 3

All Combined Revision 4

Circuitous Pathways (Final)

---

Even though this world was different, he was different, Ark had recognized her dear friend.

The problem was, he didn't recognize her at all.

She had called out to him and had hurried closer, but he had walked on by like she wasn't even there.

It had taken some time, but she had finally started getting to the bottom of this mystery.

Someone named Clu had taken over The Grid and seemed to have something to do with the transformation of her friend.

For some reason, he had approached Ark, her friend at his side.

He called him Rinzler.

She knew his name as Tron.

Clu had a solution, because he also had a problem, one that only Ark could solve.

"I've been watching you as you traveled The Grid. Your Keyblade is capable of some amazing things, isn't it?" He gestured to the weapon she had in hand, a movement that made her grip tighter to it.

"There's a...door, that I need open, your Keyblade can do that." He tilts his head ever so slightly, "You have something I want, and I have something you want, right?" He casually gestured towards Rinzler.

"I'll give you Rinzler in exchange for your Keyblade. That way, everybody gets what they want. It's a simple deal."

Clu changes his stance, putting both hands behind his back as he patiently waits for her response.

Ark gasps at the offer, it's one of great magnitude. She was chosen to weild the Keyblade, to fight the darkness and put things right. It wasn't something you gave away lightly.

But, Tron was her friend, and something was wrong with him. He needed her help, and that was something that needed put right.

Before she can consider the offer, Ark has one question, "How do I know you'll keep up your end of the deal."

Clu smirked in response, "I control The Grid and everyone who lives in it. If I wanted to, I could take your Keyblade by force. But, that would cause a lot of trouble and likely the loss of a lot of Programs. I'd much rather skip all of that and make a deal that would save us both the time and trouble. The fact that I haven't already made a move for it should be trust enough."

That wasn't exactly a comforting answer, but it was all that Ark got.

What did he need the Keyblade for? She had a feeling that he wouldn't be forthcoming with the answer, he had already been vague about it. But, it likely wasn't good.

But, could he even use the Keyblade? You had to be chosen for it, right? Plus, he wouldn't know how to use it, at least, not at first. And, he hadn't bargained for Keyblade lessons, just the Keyblade itself. She knew a few of the Keyblade's tricks, in face, there was one that might come in handy for this exact situation...

Ark looked down at her Keyblade, while in the grand scheme of things, she was a rather new Keyblade wielder, but she and it had been through a lot together. How many Heartless had she slain? How many worlds had she helped? What did her future as a Keyblade wielder look like?

She glanced to both Clu and Rinzler, Clu waiting for her answer, and Rinzler standing there cold and motionless, nothing at all like the Tron she remembered.

That was enough to make her waver.

Ark's decision was made before she had realized it herself. She had to save her friend, there wasn't any other choice she could make.

However, she had a plan, and, if it worked, then maybe everything would be okay after all.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, tightening her grip on her Keyblade for the last time.

Ark exhaled and swung her Keyblade up so that she could hold it in both hands, feeling its weight and presence and taking a moment to remember everything that they had been through together.

The moments she takes are quiet and reverent, she's solemn as she takes it all in.

Finally, she looks to Clu with tears starting to well up in her eyes. She knows what she has to say, but the words won't come out.

Clu meets her gaze, "Have you made your decision?"

Ark can only close her eyes and give the slightest of nods.

"Very well." Clu reaches over and takes off Rinzler's Identity Disc. He taps a few things and makes a few changes before attaching it back to his back.

Rinzler himself walks over and turns around to stand next to Ark.

Clu gestures to them both, "Rinzler is yours now, he will only answer to you."

He then holds his hand out to Ark, "Now, for your end of the deal."

Ark gasps softly, she didn't think it would go this quickly, she hadn't even been sure who would make the first move. At this very moment, she had both Tron and her Keyblade, she could make a run for it.

But, a deal was a deal.

And, if Clu was right and he controlled the whole Grid, she wouldn't get far without her Keyblade, even with Tron fighting for her.

Trembling, she adjusted her grasp on her Keyblade so that she was holding the blade in both of her hands and offering the hilt out. She clings to it for one final moment before lowering it to rest right above Clu's outstretched hand.

There's no such hesitation on Clu's part.

He grabs the Keyblade and carefully takes it out of Ark's hands, she gasps and flinches as he does so.

Clu holds the Keyblade up, admiring it, "Magnificent. It's even more impressive than I had realized." With a swift motion, he holds it down at his side, seemingly already comfortable with the weapon.

"Now that our transaction is done, I have things I need to attend to. You're both free to go." He quickly turns and strides off, no longer concerned with either of them.

Ark stands there in shock, never keeping her eyes off the Keyblade, until both it and its wielder are long out of sight.

Finally, she manages to look over at Rinzler, her dear friend she had just sacrificed so much for.

Was it worth it?

Before she had given up the Keyblade, her answer had easily been yes. But, now that the Keyblade was gone, she felt its loss as an ache. There was a part of her missing that was now in the hands of someone else. Someone who would likely do a lot of bad with it.

Tron was safe, yes. Or, Rinzler was. The Tron that she knew didn't seem to be anywhere under that cold black mask. Would she be able to restore his memories?

But, after her shameful action of giving up the Keyblade, did she even want Tron to remember? She knew he'd be disappointed in her, as she was disappointed in herself.

There was still her plan, the one scrap of hope. But, she was no longer confident in it. The act of giving up the Keyblade had been much more serious than she had imagined.

Ark closed her eyes and held out her hand. She'd always been able to summon the Keyblade before, and counting on that fact had been one of the reasons she had made her terrible decision.

She tried to feel for the Keyblade, in that space wherever it went when she wasn't holding it. Reaching out deeper and deeper, through her heart and the light and the darkness.

Ark came up empty. The Keyblade was no longer hers, it did not answer to her any longer. She had given it up, betrayed everything she and it stood for, and it reflected that fact.

She sunk to her knees, sobbing her heart out as the full magnitude of what she had done washed over her.

Ark had given the darkness everything it had wanted. She had handed it this world on a silver platter, and who knew what else. Clu had wanted to open some kind of door, was it the door between worlds? He so easily commanded this world, would he conquer the next and the next and the next?

She sobbed for a long time, while Rinzler, ever silent, stood next to her.

Finally, she wiped her eyes, trying to clear her vision so that she could think.

She had a few things in her pockets, some Potions and supplies she had picked up before travelling. Like everyone else in this world, she had an Identity Disc, which could be used to fight. And, she had Rinzler. He wasn't Tron, not yet, but he was a fierce fighter.

Ark didn't have a lot, but it was better than nothing.

She looked up at Rinzler, "Me and you against The Grid, huh? What do you think of our chances?"

Like always, Rinzler didn't respond, he just stared straight ahead.

Ark laughed coldly, more of a bark than a genuine laugh, "That's what I thought." She picked herself up and dusted off her knees, a reflexive gesture more than anything.

"It doesn't matter what the odds are, I know what we have to do. I'm glad I'm not going to have to do this alone, but I have to wonder, if you were still Tron, would you be proud of me?"

No answer came.

"I didn't think so." She shook her head, "It doesn't matter what Tron thinks now, or you, I guess. I'll deal with that if we get out of this alive."

Ark looked Rinzler up and down, "The Grid's changed a lot since I've last been here. It'll be a lot easier if you still know your way around. I don't know what he did to you to transfer you over to me, but if you still remember..."

She took a deep breath and looked straight at Rinzler, "Take me to Clu. I've got to set this right."

There was a moment where nothing happened, Ark was afraid that Rinzler's memory was wiped again or that he wouldn't actually listen to her. She held her breath until he looked around for a moment, then headed off in a specific direction.

She exhaled and followed Rinzler further into The Grid.

Ark knew that even if they were able to stop whatever plan Clu had, the Keyblade likely wouldn't come back to her. But, that didn't matter. All that mattered was keeping Clu from using it. Once she did that, she could deal with no longer having a Keyblade.

She looked again to Rinzler, who was walking with a single-minded determination. After they stopped Clu, she stil had to find a way to bring back Tron. Like the Keyblade, he probably wouldn't want to have anything to do with her, either, but, she still owed it to him to try and fix him. He had been her friend, one important enough to sacrifice the Keyblade for.

Ark had no idea if they would be successful, but she had to try. That's all she could do.

Her and Rinzler traveled through The Grid and to their, and everyone else's, destinies.

---

Behind the scenes:

My rough notes I hastily wrote in my phone before bed last night:

-Some kinda past friendship -Oh noes Rinzler -Make a trade -Trade with intent to take backsisies -Rinzler ownership transferred -Get away fast -Tries to take backsisies -Nope -lol accidental Bequeathing -oh crap what have i done -maybe it's best Rinzler has no memories because he would be disappointed -Gotta Fix This -No Keyblade, Disc Only, Final Destination

The story doesn’t have a name yet, but I saved it under the name “Meow Meow I Make Bad Keyblade Choices”. (My sister has a saying about a cat that visits, “Meow meow, I make bad choices” and it just seemed to fit.)

Continuation here!

[aliceslantern]

Beyond this Existence: Atonement, chapter 16

Ansem always had a penchant for strays, so it's not at all surprising when he takes in the orphaned child Ienzo. The boy's presence changes everything, far more than Even is willing to admit. Ienzo's brilliance seems promising, but the arrival of a young Xehanort pushes the apprentices onto a dark, cruel, inhumane path which will affect the future of the World. And even once it's all over with--once Xehanort is dead--they still must pick up the pieces, forgive one another, find a way to atone for their atrocities, and struggle to accept the humanity which has been thrust upon them.

Or: Even's journey from BBS through post-KH3

Chapter summary:  Now that Even is human, he continues to attempt to mend the bonds of those closest to him.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

But this determination doesn’t make it easy. There are nightmares now, memories. It’s still hard to be around fires, to strike his Bunsen burners. Any noise resembling a snap incapacitates him; Demyx unknowingly does it once in casual conversation and unexpectedly finds himself caring for a distraught Even.

Humanity’s sharpened things, good and bad. He feels more and less able. But at least there’s consistency. At least he can get himself out of bed.

He assists Ienzo as much as he can with the boy’s memorial work. Offers advice, counsels about acidity of soil, gives whatever he can. He helps Aeleus too, in his repairs. It is soothing, to do things with his hands, even though he’s mostly useless in that regard.

He tries to mend things with Dilan.

It’s hard to say what the man does. Unlike the others, he’s not quite so transparent. He disappears for hours at a time, claims it’s guard duty: “someone has to do it.” But is it?

So Even looks for him. He does not bother trying Dilan’s phone; he knows he will not answer. He finds him in a covered courtyard, surrounded by beheaded training dummies, but he’s actually sitting, meditating. Even turns to leave.

“You’ve already disrupted the peace,” Dilan says, his eyes shut. “What is it you want, Even?”

“How did you know it was me?”

“I can recognize the sound of your gait at fifty meters. Any of yours, actually.” He opens his eyes and smirks. “I did receive extensive training, you know.”

“I suppose I... would like to hash things out. As it were.”

“Must you?”

“I’m afraid so. We’re stuck here for the foreseeable future. I’d rather there not be more tension than is necessary.”

He scowls.

“Is this really about that impact statement?”

Dilan sighs. He points to the ground in front of him. It’s rather unbecoming, but Even sits in the dirt, folding his legs under him. “We’ve all prattled on in our own ways about guilt,” he says. “No point going into it further.”

“Yet?”

“...Yet.” His lip curls. “I spend a lot of time in this town. Cataloging, observing. I know Ienzo means well, and yes, a memorial is only right. But… the psychological wounds of this town… have scarred unevenly. Things need to rip open, to heal well. I fear in that pain… we might get more than we bargained for. Revenge. Ostracization. I like to believe it’s not myself I’m worried about.”

“...The boys?”

“...Quite.” He knots his fingers. “Funny. I never thought I would give a wit about Demyx.”

“Me either. But here we are.”

“He’s changed. Gives me hope that perhaps I can too. A vain hope, but hope nonetheless.”

“If he can, anyone can.”

He chuckles. Then, sobering. “Tell me something, Even.”

“Of course.”

“How did you decide to go against the New Organization?”

He bides his time a little. Picks some lint off of the knee of his slacks. “Guilt. Simply. I saw Ienzo--whole, human, reeling--and it all came crashing in. Without the darkness, the pull on my mind was not so absolute. As I was recovering… Xigbar came to me. Offered me the job. How could I say no? After all, I was nothing but loyal in the past. Isa caught wind of it and helped me plan.”

“So simply?”

“So simply.” He smiles. “Dilan, I love convolution as much as the next person, but it’s not always the best choice.”

“All I did was sit here.”

“You were incredibly injured. As I’ve heard.”

His jaw twitches. “Sora is a brutal adversary. That’s all I care to say on the matter. My bones still ache when it rains.”

There’s a few moments of silence. Even looks at the tile floor, the dirt. “Dilan, I… wish things were not so difficult between us. But I’ve no insight into what you’ve been thinking, or feeling. I don’t know how to fix it. We’re alike, you and I. Prideful. Furious at the drop of a hat.”

“But your love for Ienzo helped you through. I’m afraid I have no such bonds. I love the boy, of course, but I had no patience for him when it mattered. Even before I was a Nobody… well. He was a pet. A very intelligent one, but still. I don’t think I saw him as human.”

He blinks. “No?”

“Well, a person of no consequence. A thing I could set aside when I was done with him. But you once had something outside of your career. I never did.”

This is news to him. “Never? No family? No… beloved?”

“One tends to be ostracized when one is different,” Dilan says simply.

Even wants to ask him what he means; but he also fears this is too personal. Yet, they’ve known each other twenty-some years. What is too personal? “Unfortunately.”

“I never made the time for anything other than the most brief affair. And I thought I understood love.” He chuckles. “We all thought we knew everything.”

Even smiles. “The older I get, the less I feel I know.”

His smirk fades, though. “When we all returned, I found the notion of you challenging Ansem to be frankly absurd. But I should’ve listened to what you had to say. You’ve grown; he rots. You’ve taken an active role, he waffles. He’ll give the boys meaningless words and pats on the head, and true, words were never your strong suit. But it’s you they feel comfortable coming to, in the middle of the night.”

“No need to stroke my ego.”

“As if I would?” He raised an eyebrow. “Why would I need to impress you, Even? You no longer have power over me.”

“It is liberating, to let go of such meaningless things,” he admits.

“I’ve been doing more than beheading sacks of sand,” he says slowly.

“Like?”

“I’m surveying the town. Seeing what needs to be fixed, drafting plans as to  how that might be possible. I hope to present such work to whoever might be in charge--whether it’s that cursed committee, or an actual leader.” Dilan meets Even’s eyes. “Radiant Garden might look pretty, but it’s all rather rough. Cobbled together. Won’t exist in the long term unless infrastructure is in place.”

“That is very humble work.”

“It is nice, to use this part of myself again. Reminds me of who I used to be.” A small smile. “That report… made me realize all I’ve done to this town, and many others. I’d kept that guilt at an arm’s length.”

“And you became defensive.” Even nods. “A natural response.”

“A foolish one.” He scoffs. He points at Even. “Easier to blame you than to actually deal with it.”

He laughs a little.

“In which case, I should be thanking you. A needed wakeup call. Along with Ansem’s… difficulties. We’ve spoken a little, since then. It is hard to be gracious with him.”

“You were never the submissive type. But… help must be wanted.”

“...Yes.” He looks down. “Even, I do believe we have more in common than we thought.”

“I should hope so.”

---

But all that happens isn’t completely good.

He’s elbow-deep in distillation when his phone rings, deep in his pocket. Usually when someone calls him instead of merely messaging, it’s all business. (In fact, he can’t remember ever receiving a call just to chit-chat.) He sees it’s Demyx. “Boy, I’m in the middle of something. What do you want?”

His voice on the line is very strained when he says, “I think I’ve been poisoned.”

Even freezes, almost dropping the test tube he has in clamps. He sets it down delicately. “Describe your symptoms to me.”

“It just feels…” He’s slurring a little, and if Even doesn’t know better he’d say the boy is drunk. “Burning, my muscles are all tight. It feels like…”

“Come down here at once. No, better yet, I’ll have Dilan get you. Turn on your location.” A handy, if unsettling, feature of the phones. His heart is starting to beat fast and hard. He can’t have the boy collapsing on him--not again. As soon as he convinces Dilan to go intercept him, he digs through his stores for antidote, and then further compounds to build one, should he need to.

They’ve just been talking about revenge.

Why Demyx? But then, Even realizes he’s something of the public face of the castle, doing what he does. The townsfolk must not realize he was never an apprentice.

Before he can consider this further, he sees Dilan sidling in with the boy in his arms. He gestures to the cot. “Here. Set him over here.”

Demyx’s eyes are rolling a bit. “He’s been slipping in and out of consciousness,” Dilan explains. “Has been for about ten minutes.”

Never good. He takes the antidote, rolls up Demyx’s sleeve, and stabs the boy. No time to fuss with prepping if he’s that far gone. His eyes seem to come into better focus. “There you are.” He starts an IV, properly this time. “How do you feel?”

He’s dazed, and sweaty, and from the touch alone Even can feel the fever. His heartbeat is erratic. “Hurts,” he says.

“Where?” Can this help?

“Everywhere,” he mumbles.

Not lucid enough to recount what’s going on. Well. Even can solve problems. The generic antidote will keep him alive, negate the worst damage. He simply has to act fast. “I’m sorry, I’m hesitant to give you anything while we’re trying to get you to metabolize this nasty business. I’m going to take some blood, alright? Let’s see if I can’t figure out what this is. In the meantime, I'm just going to keep a steady antidote drip.”

“‘Kay,” he says. The word is barely intelligible. He’s shivering, rather violently. Likely had they found him much later he would’ve fallen into convulsions. Even has trouble getting a vein, but manages to get some blood at last. He wraps the boy in a blanket and rushes everything over to his workstation.

“I should tell Ienzo,” he says. If that doesn’t get Demyx’s attention, nothing will.

It works; he comes around, partially. “No. I’ll do it after.”

"You're very ill. You'll probably be very ill for the next few days." He examines the sample. Even isn’t sure whether or not to be relieved that he can see the issue right away. “Nasty business” doesn’t quite cover it; it’s frankly a miracle that Demyx is as stable as he is. Neurotoxins are always frightening. As quickly as he can, he starts building onto the base antidote.

“That bad?” he asks. Good. Keeping him talking is good.

"I'm still doing research. But you're lucky you recognized it and got to me when you did." He digs into his toxicology thesaurus, searching for the molecule; he knows he’s seen it before. It takes much too long before he has something workable, something body safe. In the midst of all this, he hears, “Even?”

His head snaps up. “Yes?”

He’s still breathing hard, but it’s not quite as labored as before. Good signs. "Will I die if I go to sleep?"

"No, you're rebounding enough. Get some rest. You'll need it."

He’s just distilling it all down when Dilan returns from notifying the cavalry.

“How’d he take it?” Even asks.

“About as well as you’d think. Looked like I’d kicked him in the groin. I had to all but restrain him from coming down here himself.”

“Ienzo’s knowledge of chemistry is not nearly up to par for something like this.” He watches, tense, to see how the serum will react to the poison on the plate. “His anxiety is much too potent.”

“And Demyx?”

“Holding steady. Asleep.” It’s all breaking down; what Even needs to see. He draws a couple of milliliters into a syringe. "It was quite alarming to see. I haven't yet gotten the story. I think you may be right, Dilan. Someone clearly has ire for us." He takes Demyx’s hand and injects the serum into the port; the boy blinks stiffly.

“What…”

"A more specific antidote. Go back to sleep."

He seems more aware now, though still slightly drunk. “What was it?”

Even sits next to him. It’s his body; he has a right to know. "A type of neurotoxin that causes your cells to stop accepting water. Essentially, it would've been a very quick, very painful death from dehydration. Not to worry, I've made a serum which seems to be combatting it. Your vitals are already stabilizing."

Even can’t read the expression on his face. "She must've known."

The perpetrator? “Who?”

"The person who did this. About my old powers--" He tries to sit up and flinches in pain; Even pushes him back down.

"Don't move. I figured you, of all people, would understand this part of palliative care."

His stress level seems to be rising. Even needs to de-escalate; he doesn’t want to risk giving Demyx anything else while his liver grapples with all this poison. "Why else would she use a poison to dry me out?"

"Who?" he repeats. A name, a description--

"The woman, the one who--" He goes very pale, his eyes watering. "I'm going to throw up."

Even gives him a wastebasket to be sick into; Dilan flinches just the slightest. This is actually a good thing. He’s getting rid of it.

Wearily, Demyx looks up. "She gave me tea. After I healed her. I thought the cut was too clean, that she acted weird--"

He sighs. "You gave her the benefit of the doubt. As any competent physician would." He pauses. "Do you remember where she lived? We should let the committee know. The last thing we need is another maniac on the loose."

He lays back down. It takes a moment, but finally he begins telling them; Dilan writes it all down in a text, committee-bound. There’s a chilling detail in it; the boy must be reflexively calling upon his reconnaissance training. He describes a home in the residential district, one that’s slowly being repopulated. He actually talks himself to sleep. Even gives him more of the serum. Even rechecks his vitals, notes that he’s stabilizing well. “He’ll pull through just fine,” he says. “But it’s going to be a tough few days. We may as well put him in his own bed.”

“We?” Dilan mutters. “Leon got back to me. They’re investigating.” Dilan hefts the boy back in his arms, carefully managing all the fluid. Even takes more of the medicine with them. It does give him a level of anxiety, to give him so much of something literally untested, but the boy seems to be responding well. The regular stuff won’t cut it.

When they arrive to the apartment, Ienzo’s frantic. He’s actually unable to speak, for the first time Even’s witnessed in a long while. It takes a beat to adjust. “He’s recovering well,” Even assures him. “It’ll be… unpleasant, for a while, but he should pull through without much trouble.”

He nods once. They settle Demyx into bed, let him rest. Even makes Ienzo some tea. The whole place is neat as a pin, the selection of brews rather… eclectic, most of them Even’s never heard of. He looks over his shoulder, towards the bed, and sees Ienzo hovering over Demyx, his hand outstretched--

“Don’t touch him without gloves,” Even says. “He’s sweating bullets and I’m not sure if it’s communicable that way.”

He looks startled.

“You wittering over him won’t help. Come sit down.”

Ienzo obeys. He’s utterly defeated. Something about this all has broken his spirit, not that Even can blame him. He gives the boy the mug, which has an odd orangey smell; Ienzo wrinkles his nose a little.

“Well I’ve no idea what you wanted. Doesn’t help you fancy yourself a gourmand.”

The joke doesn’t faze him. He takes out his phone. Do they know who did it?

“Not yet. They’re investigating. Despite it all, Demyx actually provided a fair amount of detail. Not sure what could take that child out.”

This is the wrong thing to say; Ienzo’s eyes narrow.

“That was… tactless. Excuse me.” He clears his throat. “So this still happens to you, then?”

He exhales, a heavy sound. Less so since I’ve grown, but needless to say I was NOT expecting Dilan to show up and tell me my partner was poisoned. It will pass. In time. He pauses, his thumbs hesitating over the bright screen. Dilan mentioned people seeking revenge--I was far too naive. I thought everyone would just want to move on-- His eyes are watering as he types, and he makes some spelling errors. If anyone should be targeted, it’s me. He’s innocent in this.

“They don’t know that.” Even squeezes his knee. “Perhaps this is just one lunatic, and it’s a coincidence.”

Despite the fact that he’s crying, Ienzo’s eyes flash. He begins typing--Do you really fucking believe that--before deleting it, though Even has always been good at reading upside down or backwards.

“Child, I guess not. You know comforting does not come naturally to me.”

Another sigh. I suppose I should thank you.

“As if I would let him die?”

Sometimes I feel I rather take you for granted.

Even rolls his eyes. “Don’t flatter me. Least I could do.”

I--a significant pause here. Forgot what the real you was like.

Even blinks. “You mean--”

You were Vexen most of my life. Hard, calculating.

He scoffs. “And now?”

You care again.

“I am working very hard on that. As you all blather on--it is difficult, to be vulnerable, to allow tenderness. I’m afraid my pride had to take a mighty beating before I began to accept the change.”

He smiles tiredly. Well I nearly died resisting mine.

“Ah. Don’t remind me.” He gets up. “I’m going to dose your miscreant again. You still want him around, yes?”

His turn to roll his eyes. Even puts his gloves back on and approaches Demyx. His color is a bit better, but he still looks quite ill, and is still sweating. He gives him another push of the antidote.

For a few hours he and Ienzo sit, waiting. The little cat, barely bigger than Even’s palm, hops up and kneads Ienzo’s lap. Ienzo pets it idly. They both answer some messages from the committee, from the others. Demyx seems dead to the world, but best not to disturb him. Even drafts a report of what’s happened; in all this, Aerith arrives, likely informed by the committee. She seems sad; but not at all surprised. Wordlessly, she crosses over to him and begins her own examination. After a few minutes of this, she joins them at the couch.

“He’s breaking it down,” she says in a low voice. “Whatever you made is working about as well as anything I could’ve done. Just keep him hydrated. He’ll feel like shit, but he’ll be fine.” She crosses her arms. “It’s still all… so disturbing to me.”

“No news?” Ienzo asks hoarsely.

“Nothing yet.” She nods once. “I’m going to go see what I can do. This is kind of personal now. He’s my student. I’m supposed to be responsible for him.”

“Like you could’ve guessed what would happen,” Ienzo mumbles.

“This has all been rather surprising,” Even adds. “Our lives are simply not allowed to be peaceful.”

She shrugs. “Let me know how he’s doing, okay?”

After what seems like ages, Demyx finally stirs. Ienzo races over to him and, completely ignoring Even’s last warning, pulls him into an embrace. He knows the truth of their relationship, but it’s odd to see it in motion, to see the actual touch, innocent as it may be. “You scared a few years off my life. Easily. How do you feel?”

His voice is scratchy when he speaks. Even is unsure if he should give them space, or intervene. “Oh, wonderful. I could run a marathon.”

Even appraises the boy, finds his pulse stable. They get him cleaned up, change the sheets, get him back in bed. He’s certain from here Ienzo can handle the basics, and so he tactfully leaves. If he’s being honest, he’s also reeling.

It could’ve been any of them--Ienzo. And it could’ve been so much worse.

This has all exhausted him. He tries to eat the dinner Aeleus made. “...Revenge,” is all Even says when the man enters the room without turning. “What do you think of it?”

But it isn’t Aeleus’s voice that speaks. “Not nearly worth what it costs one.”

Even’s head snaps up. There’s Ansem, his ragged red scarf around his neck, but at least he’s finally trimmed his beard. “I thought you were Aeleus.”

“Not quite.”

He tries to straighten his spine. “If he hadn’t had the foresight to realize what was happening to him, he likely would’ve perished.”

“You complain, but I think you care for the boy.” He smiles. There’s an emptiness to it.

Even turns. “You said you sought revenge on us. On the Organization. Did you mean it so literally?”

“You know me. Ever afraid to get my hands dirty.” He shrugs. “If I had been faced with one of you in the flesh… I’m not sure what would have happened.”

“Do you still feel angry?” Even isn’t sure why he asks.

“I do not get to slowly come into my own like all of you,” he says. “Rather… my self is linear.”

“I’m afraid you’re not making much sense.”

“Being a Nobody cuts one off from the world. I tried to do so voluntarily, with little success. Undoing all that is not nearly so… seamless.”

Even tuts. “It isn’t seamless for me either.”

“...No."

"You used to be so certain."

"As were you. Odd how it happens. All humanity does is make things less clear."

Even frowns. "You think so?"

"...That's my hypothesis, anyway."

He snorts. "Some sound science you have there."

Ansem shrugs. "What do you think of it?"

"Since I've been human…" It takes work to find the words. "The word that comes to mind is "determined." It is a wholeness. Not to say I haven't been suffering the… psychological consequence of it all. Ienzo says I care again. I suppose that is apt. But it all takes some practice."

"...I see. Did you… feel anything?"

"As a Nobody?" He snorts. "Hardly. As you said. Cut off from the world, and all in it." He feels as though he's not saying anything of substance. "Self-forgiveness is… a process. To put it mildly."

Ansem nods slowly. "And have you begun?"

Even blinks. "I… like to think so." It's a realization. "If I don't--"

"What is the point?"

"Precisely." The air is oddly tender. He swallows. "And yourself?"

"It's all so nebulous--"

"What holds you back?" He's not angry, he's just tired. "Your son adores you, and you have three men falling over themselves for your forgiveness. If that isn't external validation, I don't know what is."

Ansem seems startled by this.

Even stands. "I should like to go check on Demyx."

---

Where to go from here?

Nothing he says will have an effect on Ansem. That much is clear. The fool is stuck in his own head despite the hands reaching for him. Ienzo, Even, Demyx. But yet… the thought of giving up on him makes Even vaguely nauseous. Why? Ansem surely gave up on him, on them.

He sits writing a report about Demyx's poisoning. Admittedly it feels good to know this serum helped him, did some good. One life saved. Hundreds to go before he gets back to zero. Thousands.

It doesn't work like that, does it?

He's considering this when he hears a knock at his door. "Enter," he says wearily.

Ansem. "Are you busy?"

Even considers his notebook. "That depends if you have anything interesting to say. Waffling exhausts me."

He nods once. He still looks a bit grizzled. "May I sit?"

"If you must."

He does. "I considered what you said."

"Oh, thank you."

The sarcasm is ignored. "You feel you are who you're meant to be?"

"...Getting there. I suppose. Better than I was." He sets the notebook aside. "What would it take for you to forgive yourself? Emotionally, materially."

"You truly want to know? It's not a barb?"

He nods.

For a moment his eyes flicker back and forth in the middle distance, thinking. "I wish I could be proven wrong."

"About what?"

"Myself. All this. I suppose I want to be told it's not my fault." A frustrated sigh. "But is it? Who gets to decide?"

"Not us, surely," Even says. It's odd to realize. Of course they can't make these decisions; they can barely determine right from wrong. "So why waste your time thinking about it?"

"Not us." He bobs his head.

"One supposes it could all be fate," he adds.

"That we're still alive?"

Even nods.

"You mentioned this before." He shakes his head and then leans forward on his knees. His body seems to be weighing him down. "Where did you begin?"

"I tried to start with others. But this change didn't take until I decided to begin with myself. Do you want that? Don't consider what everyone else thinks. What do you think? Do you want to change?"

A tremulous silence. Then, "Yes."

"That's the first step, then."

He nods once. "Even?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

The phrase is so absurd; he snorts. "Right. Fat lot of good I ever did you."

"You want to save me. That means something now."

"...Don't make me regret it."

[bereft-of-frogs]

Fanfic Author Asks

Thanks for tagging @veliseraptor ! Drinking red wine, wrote 1.5k words, ready to answer some questions!

Author Name: bereft of frogs

Fandoms You Write For: I’ve really gotten onto an MCU streak. I’ve never been this productive in my life. And churning out like...actual completed fics. MCU is apparently my current home. I also sometimes write for Les Misérables, and, despite my griping earlier today, I do still have my ‘Death Gods magnum opus’ planned for Supernatural. As far as ‘fandoms I write for and never publish’ that list is much, much longer. ;-)

Where You Post: now I only post to Ao3. I have a fanfiction.net account, but I haven’t crossposted anything in years. I still have some bookmarks saved there that I’d like to keep, but it’s unlikely I’ll start regularly posting to fanfiction.net ever again.

Most Popular One-Shot: My most kudo-ed one-shot (defining ‘one-shot’ as self-contained story in one chapter, not part of a serialized narrative’ so I excluded ‘hard road’), is ‘hurts like ghosts’. (If I was counting ‘hard road’ which I maybe should because this one was, technically, a one-shot when I posted it, the answer would be ‘bone and broth.’)

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: Easy-peasy answer. ‘pain and other human sensations.’

Favourite Story You Wrote: I honestly, absolutely am super proud of ‘dark underground//violent sky’. It’s pretty fucked up, and I multiple times in the notes said it was “the worst fandom thing I’d ever done” but that was just to cover how much it delighted me. I’m real proud of it.

Story You Were Nervous to Post: I’m nervous for a couple upcoming works, right now, but of what I’ve already posted, probably the third chapter of ‘bound at the end of the world’. Oh no, I remember, it was definitely the chapter ‘Betrayal’ in ‘pain and other human sensations.’ I was rambling in the notes, I was nervous to check for comments. It was not the most Tony Stark friendly chapter, very anti-Sokovia Accords, and introduced a female OC...I was hella stressed. It worked out well though, and really was probably one of my best chapters of that fic.

(I’m frequently nervous posting fics so this question had a lot of possible answers.)

How Do You Pick Your Titles: Honestly it’s mostly ‘how dramatic does this sound’? Rarely it’s song titles (Like ‘spare me over’ from ‘O Death’ and ‘hurts like ghosts’ adapted from Lord Huron’s ‘Love Like Ghosts’.)

Do You Outline: Yes and no. Sometimes fics just pour out of me in a slightly horrifying word-vomit. Bigger projects often have a rough outline of scenes in brackets (example: [background info here] [conversation about X]). The Biggest Project (the Endgame AU) has a very, very detailed outline.

How Many of Your Stories are complete: So far all of them, because I’m terrified of repeating my youthful mistakes. I don’t start posting until I’m 100% sure I can complete it in a reasonable amount of time. Right now I have two in-progress series (the nine in the tree and hard road) but all of my individual fics are technically complete on Ao3.

In-Progress: Um. Well...I guess I have like 10 currently in some state of existing?

Coming Soon:  Been mostly concentrating on the big bangs, but here’s what’s coming:

Marvel Big Bang: ‘of the stern agony and shroud’ (Part I of ‘the dead reign there alone’. Part II ‘his chambers in the silent halls of death’ is also coming along quite nicely, so should be ready by the time the big bangs posts!). Hela reigns in Asgard. Thor and Loki struggle with this.

Thorki Big Bang: (very nervous to post, first foray into the ship) ‘water all around’ A young Thor and Loki go off by themselves and find themselves investigating a mysterious set of disappearances in a small village. (Hundreds of years later, aboard a refugee festival with the last remnants of their people, they’re circling each other again.)

Grandthorki Day: (also so, so nervous to post. It’s really fucking dark. Real dark. I’m sorry. But hey, it’s over 7k words and has a title now.) ‘actors without props//beasts without names’. The Grandmaster likes to put on a show.

Whumptober 2019 Project: (thus far untitled). I picked 8 prompts, a totally reasonable number. Totally. Reasonable. My goal is to start posting on October 24, to culminate on October 31, which is Halloween but also my fandom-versary! I can’t believe I was smart enough a year ago to make my first day actively posting fanfiction Halloween. I truly am, That Spooky Bitch.

I know people are looking for the ‘Endgame AU’ (alone amidst the ruins) to appear on this. But I decided that, personally, feeling satisfied with the narrative is more important to me than rushing it out. The Worst Draft is about 2/3 done, then I’ll start rewriting, I’m really hoping to hit a groove and get it done soon, but I don’t want to make any promises about how soon that will actually be.

Do You Accept Prompts: Sure why not! I’ve asked for prompts before for ‘hard road’, but I’d be happy to take general prompts, or prompts for other series (like ‘the nine in the tree’) or whatever! I had a lot, a lot of fun answering all those AU headcanon asks, so I’m always thrilled when I get asks/questions/prompts! (Can’t always promise that how quickly I’ll get things done, but I’ll do my best!)

Upcoming Story You’re the Most Excited For: As much as I’m nervous to post the Thorki big bang, because it does feel a bit like tipping over a cliff, not just taking on a challenge to cover a really popular pairing but also opening myself up to possible intense criticism, or future scrutiny*, I’m honestly really, really satisfied with the narrative and the quality. I’m proud of it. I’m excited to get to share it.

*Even though yes, I am the one who, just hours ago, when faced with the rumors that VE Schwab was an incest shipper/supported incest shipping (accusations thrown around by the Supernatural fandom of all people) did say that if it turned out to be true I’d actually probably respect her more. I’m still a bit nervous.

Tag Five Fanfic Authors to Answer These Questions: Ahhh you all know how bad I am at tagging people. I’m going to try, just a couple, but you’re under no obligation and I’m sorry if you’ve already been tagged: @kiwimeringue @adhd-loki

Okay I tagged two actual humans, other than that, please do consider this an open tag! If you want to go for it!

[alunclewe]

NaNoWriMo 2019 Postmortem, and Future Plans

So, one of the things I said I was going to do in my last post was try to write a novel for NaNoWriMo, but without knowing beforehand what I was going to write about.  Not that I intended to just jump in and make everything up as I went along with no preplanning of any sort—that way lies madness.  I just intended to avoid doing any planning or outlining before NaNoWriMo had officially begun, rather than starting November with a list of characters and general plot outline as I had on a few previous years.  I’d finished writing novels those years; I wanted to try a tougher challenge.

So did it succeed?  In a word, no.

I mean, November’s not quite over yet.  I can write pretty fast when I have to.  If I spent the rest of the day focusing on nothing but finishing the novel, I could maybe do it.  And I did seriously consider doing just that.  But even if I succeeded, that would be... kind of missing the point of NaNoWriMo.  It would mean not doing anything else I probably ought to be doing today.  And it would mean seriously rushing the writing, which couldn’t fail but have an effect on the quality.  I don’t expect anything I write for NaNoWriMo to be publishable as is, but I did hope to come up with a serviceable first draft that might turn into something publishable after a few rewrites.  (Something I still really need to get around to doing for the last NaNoWriMo novel I did finish.)  A novel hastily pounded out in a single day would... probably not be that.

So, loath as I am to accept the loss, I’ve decided that yeah, spending the entire day hastily churning out thousands of poorly considered words just so I could say I completed NaNoWriMo this year would probably not the best use of my time.  I do think the novel I started has potential, and I do intend to finish it, just... not today.  But I do want to try this again next year—the same type of challenge, I mean, doing NaNoWriMo starting fresh with no preconceived idea by the beginning of November of what I was going to write, and including all the ideation, planning, and outlining within the NaNoWriMo period.  It’s stomething that it seems like I should be able to do.  But if I’m going to attempt it again, it behooves me to figure out why it didn’t work this time.

So I gave it a little thought, and the first possibility that occurred to me is that maybe my earlier comparisons to my 24-hour comics weren’t the right approach.  As I... thought I’d remarked in my previous post, but after glancing over it now I guess I actually didn’t... my pen-and-paper 24-Hour comics I’ve drawn on 24-Hour Comics Day have invariably turned out to have higher art quality than my digital 24-hour comics I produced for my (currently on hiatus) d24 project, which is the opposite of what should be expected given the faster digital techniques.  The reason for this, I think, is that when I did my digital comics I spent far too much time on planning and research.  Maybe that was because of overconfidence because I knew I could draw digitally more quickly; maybe it was because the digital comics I did alone at home, whereas the pen-and-paper comics I did at a comic book store where there were other people around and I had more incentive to start the drawing earlier so it wouldn’t look like I wasn’t doing anything.  Either way, the result was that I left myself far too little time to draw my digital 24-hour comics, leaving the art to be rushed and rough.

If I was going to include the planning and research for my NaNoWriMo novel within the allotted time, I didn’t want to repeat the same mistake as I had with my digital 24-hour comics.  I didn’t want to spend too much time on planning and research and leave myself too little time for the actual writing—and so I didn’t spend much time on planning; I started writing as soon as I had enough of a general concept to do so.  But maybe that was a mistake.  A novel isn’t a comic.  Maybe having it planned in more detail would make it easier to actually write, and maybe I should have spent more time planning.

But on reflection, I don’t think that was the real reason I didn’t finish.  No, I think I was overthinking the matter, and that maybe the real reasons I didn’t finish were the obvious:

Due mostly to issues involving having to get a new laptop, I wasn’t actually able to start until halfway through the month.  (I guess I could have started the planning earlier, if not the writing, but... I didn’t. )

This month, and the latter half of the month in particular, was very busy with work, with many long days when I was barely home except to sleep.  From a financial standpoint, this was good, especially since the latter half of December work is going to be slow to nonexistent so I need to save up some money.  From a standpoint of... actually having time to write, it was less good.  I do have a lot of downtime on set, time when I’m not really doing anything but sitting there and watching while the child I’m working with is doing homework, blocking, or acting in a scene, or for that matter while the child isn’t doing anything but doesn’t really need me to help them with anything either.  But while I can get away with using my cell phone during those times, pulling out my laptop on set and writing would be... awkward at best.  (Even aside from the fact that there’s not always a place to plug it in, and its battery life is limited.)  I do bring my laptop to set in case I get a chance to use it, and sometimes I do.  Most times i don’t.  The last few weeks I didn’t.

So... yeah, I think ultimately my failure to finish a novel for NaNoWriMo this year wasn’t so much due to the way I planned to go about it as just due to circumstances that prevented me from putting in any significant time on it.  Unless similar circumstances intervene next year, I have a good chance of succeeding then on the same challenge.  And, as I said, I’m not going to let what I did do this year go to waste; I’ll still finish the novel I started... it just won’t be finished in November.

In any case, though, this brings up the broader issue of what I can do with my downtime on set, when I can’t use my laptop.  As I said, I can use my phone (as long as I have the sound off—or use headphones, but that, again, may not be a great idea on set).  I can browse the web, or play games, or use other apps.  But that’s not really being as productive as I’d like.  I can read, which is maybe a little better, but I’ve found reading for long periods on my phone screen gets really annoying... and anyway, I’d rather be doing something creative if I could; I have enough different creative projects I want to work on that I’d like to put as much time toward them as I can.

To this end, I think I may return to a practice I did before, and stopped for... no actual good reason that I could recall.  For a while, I had an index card for each project I wanted to work on (or part of a project, for more extensive projects), color coded by the type of project.  (Yellow for screenplays, blue for computer games, pink for comics, etc.)  I would each day draw a few index cards at random, and during the day when I had some time to fill I’d pull one of those cards, come up with ideas for the project, and write them down on the card.  There was a little more to it than that—some cards representing higher-priority projects were kept track of separately so they were drawn more often—but that was the gist of it.  I’m going to buy some colored index cards (or find the packs I probably still have somewhere?) and start doing that again, to be able to do something productive and creative during my downtime on set or elsewhere.  It won’t be a substitute for actually having time to sit down at my computer and write/draw/program/compose music, but it should at least let me get enough planning done that when I do have a chance sit down at my computer and actually do the things I need the computer for it’ll go faster.  I’ll report how it goes.

Also, I should probably at some point transcribe all my notes from my old index cards from the previous time I did this before they fade to unreadability.

This turned out to be a much longer post than I expected it to be.

[quietdaysco]

Primrose Path - Devlog #006

Hey, it’s us again—two indie devs with fresh dirt on our visual novel progress. Ready? 

Behind the Scenes

Playtesting Feedback

Last month we closed the pre-alpha Ink build of Primrose Path’s common route outline. It met its purpose of proving the basic concepts of our game were viable and that it interested players in our target demographic. In fact, playtesters gave us overwhelmingly positive feedback in our post-test form about the characters and story. Here are a few quotes from their responses:

“The number of elements of the MC's [main character’s] life added in to the story in increments helped me not only relate to the MC but also stay interested.”

“There's a good variety of calmer moments and more outlandish/exciting/otherwise more high tension moment [sic], no issues for me.”

“[T]he clients are a rainbow of people with a few that [sic] very much stand out [to me]”

“By the end, I was definitely considering who I was going to chose as my client and was sad the pre-alpha ended even though I knew it was going to.”

“I 100% would dance [in a mini-game similar to] DDR [Dance Dance Revolution]”

As you can see, the beginnings of Primrose Path went over well and players definitely had a lot of interesting things to say about our mischievous clients! We can’t spoil them here, but you may be able to see for yourself when alpha testing comes to our server in the future! 

Now, for all the good we received, it’s not to say the pre-alpha went without its criticisms:

“This might be silly, but I wish there were an option that weren't a dress for her outfit to the party.”

It’s not silly at all, playtester! It had us thinking about the different ways our protagonist, Lynn Austen, could express herself. This concern lead to one outfit redesign and introduced a number of new ones!

“The beginning was a little slow, but I love Priya, so all of her scenes brought my attention back instantly.”

We love co-worker and bestie, Priya, too, but she can’t be an exception for pacing. We’ve since reevaluated and tweaked Part 1: Work Day. Plenty of visual changes and cutting scenes entirely were discussed in order to tighten up the overall pacing.

“Harper seems harsh but has pressure on her to make her harsh, but then you see her and shes [sic] just straight up scary.”

While all playtesters understood Harper’s role as Lynn’s no-slack boss, a few found her consequentially unapproachable. We have a lot in store for her in later routes, but acknowledge she was sparse during the common route. We’ve since taken this concern and made her more available in new scenes, adjusted her tone in some of the older ones, and had other characters—who have a very different relationship with her than Lynn does—reflect more openly on her. We think this humanizes Harper much more.

“Unfortunately [Bellarmino] feels like a snobbier, more irritating Matt. [...] I personally don't find him very likable but I'm looking forward to being proven wrong.”

In our feedback form, we asked about character impressions. We also polled if players didn’t have to play all routes at least once, which clients they’d pick. While character impression responses expressed a willingness to give our model and fashion designer, Bellarmino LaFauci, a chance, he was our least popular choice in the poll. We figured it may have been that his personality wasn’t differentiated enough against the company with whom Lynn encounters him, so we’ve made adjustments to contrast him more against his judgmental cabal.

So as we went through and addressed feedback, we had some ideas of our own to implement, which leads us to...

Updated Revised Outline

Double the wordcount! Yep, we’re just shy of 32,000 words for the revised common route outline. How could this be? Look: don’t mistake Primrose Path for a linear narrative. Your choices affect the world from day one.

Beyond changes from playtester feedback, other new content includes:

New Characters! We work to make sure our side characters leave an impression. We’ve added a few more with the means to salvage or devastate Lynn’s career. Until you yourself can meet them, look out for future Lore snippets on our Twitter!

New Events! Lynn has more opportunities than before, and under different states of mind, to navigate and impact the world around her. Depending on what Lynn did, where, and when can completely change an encounter within that same space and time. 

New Key Items! There are a couple of items Lynn can collect if she meets the right people and takes certain actions. These items can reveal some important information in client routes later on—and some hints for others, too!

New Areas! A few more places have been added to the common route, including whole new scenes. What could possibly lie behind these doors?

So how’s that sound? If you said “Damn, that’s hella rad,” well you just took the words right out of our mouths. But we’re not done yet; we take feedback seriously. When we can’t decide on what our audience may want, we leave no room for speculation. There’s really only one way to settle that.

VN Protagonist Sprite Survey 

We run a survey! We wanted to know how visual novel fans preferred to see a customizable MC represented as a sprite, if at all. It’s tough for us because as much as we want to make Lynn as visually present as her sense of self, we also acknowledge that “immersion” for many players also means different levels of “intrusion” from MC’s sprite—down to none at all, for folks wanting to self-insert despite taking on another character’s existing backstory. While we think we’ve come to a happy medium that serves our purposes and would appeal to a good number of players, we’ll be sharing with you all in a separate post our findings.

Two things are for certain: 

Visual novel players are an incredibly dedicated base, having turned out over 100 responses to our form! Thank you so much for helping us see your side on the matter! 

The communities we frequent overwhelmingly take issue with one specific manner of MC representation—one that seems to plague the industry. If you’re not an avid consumer of visual novels, this begrudged answer may surprise you!

But hey, we haven’t closed it yet: you can contribute your opinion too until August 5th, 11:59 PM EDT. Stay tuned for our detailed write-up on the results, next time. We’ve got another survey in the works too (sounds like we’ve got a few hard decisions, huh?) so keep tabs on our Twitter when we release that form.

Greyson’s Twitter 

Greyson’s been taking a break from Twitter for a minute. Working Saturday, Sunday, and Wednesday overheated him, and in that vulnerable time, he caught a virus! So now he’s on sick leave and we’ve promised him an easier schedule of one day a week when he gets better. His posting schedule will be announced soon. You can still send him some love on his Twitter account. He’ll be sure to respond when he’s feeling up to it. He’s always there for you. Will you return the favor?

Main Game Progress

Common Route:

Rough Outline: 100%  ✔

Revised Outline: 100%  ✔

Draft Script: --%

The Artist: Matthias Barousse

Rough Outline: 100%  ✔

Revised Outline: --%

Progress on the main game has primarily been on the common route outline. Some interesting things to note are that last time we reported our revision to be at 90%. After implementing feedback, our clean outline doubled in word count and we’ve reviewed it entirely since then. So now we’re thoroughly at 100%! 

The breakdown of that is:

We finished up the common route’s Part 3: The Interviews, in which Lynn meets all her clients whom she may or may not have stumbled upon at a legendary bash. 

We elaborated on Part 2: The Party encounters and added more variations which subsequently trickle over into alternate interactions in The Interviews. 

We added an interactive, portent dream sequence the night of The Interviews, right when Lynn hits the bed after evaluating all potential clients at work. 

... and a few other additions. Also among other things, we’ve actually started work on the draft script already, but we’ve not had time to properly calculate the percentage. It’ll be updated accordingly in our next log.

What’s Next For Us

We’re going to finish up our script draft and start focusing our efforts into creating a playable, visual alpha build of Primrose Path. Yes, we want to play our game as much as you do and that’s motivation enough!

We’re focusing on monthly devlogs for our Tumblr, but we have to ask:

Are there other kinds of content and updates you folks would like to see here? We want to know! Shoot us a message in our Ask the Devs inbox here on Tumblr, or hit us up on Twitter, Discord, and Lemma Soft!

Thanks for reading! Keep up and remember to enjoy your Quiet Days. ♥

Socials

- Micro-updates on Twitter!

  ♦ Factoids with Greyson!

- Live art development on Twitch!

- Art logging on Instagram!

- Ask us anything here!

- Continue the discussion on Discord!

- Master thread on Lemma Soft!

[sevdrag]

dreamwidth update: words and more words about not having words

march has ended up being an incredibly rough month, to the point where i have fired it, dumped it, and tossed it into the ravine. i've been vaguely ill all month due to the weather (extended ohio winter = pain, PLUS the first time in years i've actually had to deal with winter-related SAD depression), stress-triggered flareups (wedding stuff, mostly, although work continues to eat up energy and the house is no better), and a general malaise and lack of fucks to give about anything ever. i'm tired, i feel light-headed, and i have a load of laundry that has been in a basket for 2 weeks sitting there and waiting for me.

i've also passed the 1-year anniversary of losing my Marzy, and that hit unexpectedly hard.

instead of going on in this vein forever (that's a future post), i want to talk about writing some more, because i made a big decision earlier this month to focus more on things outside-my-work-career - including, and focusing on, writing - and i can't seem to get motivated over anything yet. this is where the post will take a turn from the serious introspective depression shit to some wacky fanfic:

my original stories and my professional blog remain, and i have plans and ideas and drafts for them, but i feel like i have really drifted away from fanfiction in a big way. and original writing is where i want to go, however -- fanfic is/was where i could just have fun and dump words and experiment, and it has been a long time since i've had motivation to really dive into a juicy fanfic that's just kind of fun and zero-fucks (or as few fucks as possible) and reminds me how to do plot and things rather than just snippets and character interactions and etc etc.

i've obviously lived in FF fandom like forever, and i still have ideas and things to explore there, but i'm also considering branching out into other old and fucking dead fandoms because i'm always behind the times and dumb -- and because writing in a new space i've never written in before could be fun inspiration.

i'm looking for some chatter and inspiration so who would like to talk about the following fandoms: Final Fantasy series, as always; Harry Potter (Marauders era); Criminal Minds; Black Jewels trilogy; the Hobbit movie trilogy; the Kushiel series; and i'm sure there's something else there...:

( and more words about making words )

The real question becomes, where to start with it all; I need something (or a couple things) to dive into, to be excited about again, to maybe not care about so much that it gets all clogged up in trying to be specific and accurate and too much? To just have fun writing like I used to?

on one hand, i want to start small - a list of prompts, a prompt a week, like Rina and I intended for 2017: pieces that can be bits if i need, like warm-up exercises. on the other hand, i want to dive back into bigger things, longer things, chapters i can post (pseudo)live and have fun with.

where to start?

please blab at me

the end

comments Comment? https://ift.tt/2pz1BQ0

[richmarc]

Update on paper #100117

So seeing that i never really admit my problems i tend to write my facts on paper but never all in the same breath or at the sametime, ill let my guard down for this second cause i simply need to clear my mind

Dear Tumblr,

I apologize that i have returned in a moments notice and i know I've been gone for a while. A bunch of controversial drafted post sitting in my file to never see the light of day and fears....excuses as to why i stuck with you so long. I remember when you were as private as a joke carved into a bathroom stall door, now your like the gossip newsletter flying around campus streets. I got dicouraged, knowing i was writing what I considered at the time "blue magic" and my product wasn't reaching the customers in mass quantity.

Lately i have been soul searchimg and quite frankly I didn't find what i was looking for from the moment i left, but i confide in you cause beneath the codes and backgrounds of what you are and the freedom I believe you give me, i feel as if though i have the power to make my stream line of data you keep my world. Ive changed in so many ways and have yet to dound a way to be satisfied by you, so like a battered relationship i guess for now I'll stick with you cause you and I are misunderstood and "I know you love me... i know you do <movie quote "

So ill share how shitty I feel and see what you or the universe will have to say about my open letter to you..

I have been wasting my time with females that i deemed to be a fit for me, just to be dissapointed at the end that they be on some bullshit.

I had a beautiful daughter that i don't have the honor nor the pleasure to be around, because we live in different places and I dedicate my life and time to working and making sure she has a future when she grows up and its not possible where she currently resides. Upon visits their always arguments and fucking ridicule from family begging me to sink everything thats for my daughter down the drain and restart because the memories are more important.

My daughters mother i love with all My heart and never thought I'll see the day we gotta be like this... madd some decisions that wasnt keen as to why we are where we are...on top of the fact that its been years now and forgiveness lesson i still haven't learned. I've told this woman my greatest fears of never wanting my daughter to wake up without me there and etc... and its not easy scraping the plate completely fucking clean to someone who ACCIDENTALLY made you live out that nightmare

So.....suicide would be pointless and selfish now cause you dont live for you cause the moment i seen my daughter and she seen me...I've glady destroyed my world and soley been working to build hers...cause despite the situation im first and foremost a fucking proud parent.

Not eveyone knows she exists, the world is becoming a encyclopedia of open information. Google face recognizing this mf been in multiple pics with you, that you took a shit in this Macy's and their reviews are 4.5, or you spent the weekend in Birmingham's motel 6 and you didn't state how you like your stay.... so due to the confusion i just state needless to say something thats so near and dear to me i don't post, comment, hashtag on cause the world doesn't need to join in that aspect of my life right now. I wanted to take it like it was when I was a kid, you know no twitters and ig's, summers actually spent outside maybe 2 people on the block with a Nintendo but yall all shared games... it funny some people cant remember what they wrote a year ago yet... a memory like that can never be clouded nor replaced..

I work 17hrs out of 24hr days for people who use me like an ox pulling A plough through a fucking field....

Lol... trynna be nice and not simply state its like being what african american always considers on topics pointed to racism... but you get the jist. Knowing everyday your mind wonders off and consider you better, knowing you can do better than this hoping and wishing the boss will shown you some love for a meal ticket to eat and thats no anology js......

To a man who appears to have the comparison of a marshmallow but not in wieght and stature, but color and feelings... dexterities very bleek and immobile. The kind of guy my father say look out for cause they can never look you in your eyes.

Trying to move up in the company and do something i consider something that'll be worth missing my daughters 1st etcs..... had the interviews a month's ago. A flood hits florida and somehow that had something to do with mu fucking response to advancing or not cause some asswipe want to go down and volunteer knowing he's going for the same postion I am and we gotta wait for this non relevant mf to come back to have a "fair shot" are you fucking kidding me? There's 2 slots open and im staring at what I want just fucking sitting there dusting... ok...

My bestfriend that I've loved since I was 15, come to find out basically been lying to me the past couple of years sending me mixed signals about what our relationship is and what it could be and all along she thought lying to me about being happy with the mf she's with and randomly coming up pregnant with twins with the mf was gonna hurt my feelings if she just kept it honest and told me i never had a shot to begin with, meanwhile leaving me looking like the thrist-bucket who's been chasing her and she never looked as like she wronged me...hmmm then to turn around and find another mf you know whos near and dear done the same thing and hid a pregnancy cause they didnt know how you'll feel

Friends are becoming distance from multiple sides of the globe,with the exception of the 3 goats you always keep, love....? Ummm next,

The new company who bought your apt complex decides to waltz they ass in ya spot to call bullshit and try to charge you $300 for something

Uhhhh you get the picture

I say all thst to say it's been a rough little min, thats for those who actually noticed my absence... I'm trying to contain the balst radius for when imma lose it, but this 2'5 9month tape recorder keeps me in check from losing it all and making me retain humbleness, even in my worst of times.....

Consider this a memoir for when I actually get to the sweetspot of life ,the scallops and stallions for breakfast portion

But fuck it we all human I just don't have a problem admitting the shits thats been killing me...

Until I need you again Tum tum

Sincerely yours,

Hypno Umbrella

[thedegenerateasexual]

just for funsies i checked the air dates of the seminal episodes 3.19 Letharia Vulpina and 3.22 De-Void and they are february 17 2014 and march 10 2014

with that knowledge in hand here are some fun facts, come down nostalgia lane w/ me:

i started shipping this stupid thing on march 10th 2014 and i can feel nice and superior about being here ALMOST from the get-go

prior to 3.19 only SIXTEEN ENTIRE FICS for that pairing had been published

when i got on AO3 immediately after the ep aired to look for derek/chris there were 23 fics published

there are now 158, but most of them have kn*tting or other ships/tropes i don't like, so i'm STILL #suffering

i've now read the first Ever derek/chris fic and it's not actually too bad! tho i prefer them set after allison dies just to spare her the trauma

less than one short month later i got distracted by some whackjob named barnes and his pretty blonde wife which is probably why it took me this long to get around to writing this shit

speaking of that shit i wrote, i sighed longingly about wanting to catch up on some Bad TV back on may 1st, and had the entirety of the show on my HD by may 3rd

on may 10th i confessed to reading some Bad TV Fic (i'll be honest, i tried some st*rek furst because they write a good derek, but...i can’t deal he’s a MINOR so eventually i went back to looking for fic of my Real Preference. sadly there was very little)

i half-heartedly began an outline file of the fic i sorta-kinda thought about writing on may 30th, but it was just a list of bullet points about my particular interpretations of their characters, no real plot other than "catch kate together"

on june 12th, while making a sandwich, i was ruminating on chris argent and trying to decide if i could make him more interesting to me since currently his main role was just being kind of horrified at his sister and a good character that does not make, when Suddenly i had an idea about a story he tells in season 1

i immediately flew to my computer, messaged @marcusanthotius, and said something like "emily can i tell you about this idea i just had it might be a little bit of a text wall sorry" and she was like "sure" and then i told her and over the course of the conversation she went from "damn that sounds neat" to "I'M SO MAD I DON'T EVEN GO HERE BUT I REALLY WANT TO READ THIS NOW"

i know it was on june 12th while making a sandwich because i saved the conversation for future reference so i wouldn't lose the idea and i said "suddenly while making a sandwich my brain threw me this idea" and she said "it's always mid sandwich or laundry isn't it" which is a very correct observation

(completely forgot until i reread it that one of my points of beef with chris's first version of the story came from someone nitpicking wildlife facts on tvtropes, which i had been reading the previous night - not only do bats that bite not live anywhere near but that's not actually how rabid dogs act; the story was probably done that way to make an obvious comparison to werewolves, factual shit be damned. considering how the show always points out otherwise when the wildlife is acting weird, like when wolves or bioluminescent fireflies show up where they aren't supposed to)

(spoilers: it worked & he’s pretty interesting to me now)

anyway she was like "not to be a bad influence but you should write this" so i made my story doc on june 12th also, but it stayed empty for five days because i was busy perfecting my outline and pacing and shit

on june 18th, 3 years, 3 months, and 9 days after 3.22 De-Void aired, i started writing thing. talk about playing the long game

i poked and prodded at it off and on until june 21, which was my birthday, and got distracted by other things (presents!) and kind of half-gave-up on it because Sex Scenes Are Hard To Write, Okay

on july 9th the 6B trailer dropped. the very last thing i said before i watched it was "yeah i heard a rumor derek's coming back but i'm not holding my breath lol" which frankly is fucking iconic

im gonna take a small moment to send silent appreciation for those 5 seconds of derek hale footage in which i was truly, unironically, living my BEST possible life

NEEDLESS TO SAY i was pretty fucking excited bc my wordcount for that day was 1800

(started this blog on july 14th which just goes to show you im incapable of writing something without also blogging about it, posted this gem one week later on the 21st which goes to show i’m bad at having a secret ship, though i guess keeping it a secret for 3+ years isn’t too bad)

& the rest is history i wrote over 1k for nearly every single day between then & aug8, which is when i finished my rough draft, posted that shit 24h later

which means from conception to posting it took 71 days but from the time i wrote the first word to the time i wrote the last one, 51 days, just under 2 months, and if we don't count the piddling done prior to the 6B trailer it's more like 31 days

anyway those were the best 31 days i've had all year, wouldn't trade 'em for anything

[junker-town]

Find the perfect prospect for your team in the 2019 NBA Draft

Tell us your team’s needs, and we’ll give you a custom draft board.

Zion Wiliamson

Zion Williamson turned into a worldwide phenomenon during his one-and-done season at Duke. His unprecedented combination of strength, agility, and athletic explosiveness would have been enough to make him a star on its own, but Williamson’s game is so much deeper than that. In putting together the most statistically dominant college season of the modern era, Williamson showed a refined skill set featuring incredible touch around the basket, a strong feel for the game, and an undeniable nose for the ball. In addition to being the greatest pure talent college basketball has seen in a long, long time, Williamson also proved to be a selfless teammate and natural leader.

There is zero debate that Williamson is the best player in this NBA Draft. The only question is how he stacks up to the best prospects of the last decade. This is a future NBA superstar in every regard.

Ja Morant

Morant’s impossible rise from a mid-major recruit to the No. 2 pick in the NBA Draft is a testament to his breathtaking talent. This is a point guard with elite athleticism who spent his sophomore year at Murray State collecting victims for his own personal highlight reel. While his dunks got most of the attention, Morant’s best skill is actually his passing vision. He led all of Division I in assist rate this season, whipping passes with either hand to unsuspecting teammates the moment the defense collapsed on him. While mostly projecting as a ball dominant guard, Morant is a high-level facilitator who will help his teammates reach their offensive potential. He’s also a developing shooter who was better from both the free throw line and three-point line than most give him credit for.

Morant’s defense is a question mark, and he’ll have to prove his shooting from the NBA line. In the meantime, expect him to be one of the most exciting young players in the league.

R.J. Barrett

It wasn’t long ago that Barrett was considered the top prospect in this draft class. While his Duke teammate Zion Williamson almost immediately surpassed him in the eyes of scouts, Barrett still had an undeniably productive freshman season, averaging 22.6 points, 7.6 rebounds, and 4.3 assists in arguably the toughest conference in the country. This is an 18-year-old who will be ready for NBA physicality from Day 1. He projects as a volume scorer on the wing who can take his game to new levels if he improves his vision and decision-making.

While Barrett put up big numbers, his shot selection came under heavy critique amid allegations of tunnel vision. He’ll also need to prove he can use his physicality to become a better defender. For now, Barrett is safe bet to be a productive scorer with room to grow in other areas.

Jarrett Culver

Culver’s breakout sophomore season was the biggest factor in Texas Tech’s shocking run to the national title game. The 6’6 wing brings all of the versatility that’s valued in today’s game: He’s a skilled finisher, a great help defender, a smart passer, and always seems to be in the right place at the right time on both ends of the floor. After playing primarily on the wing as a freshman, Culver became the Red Raiders’ de facto point guard this past season and proved to be an impressive creator off the dribble for himself and others. His jump shot remains a question mark, but Culver checks so many other boxes.

Culver might lack takeover scoring ability and knock down shooting, but he makes up for it with a complete two-way skill set. More than anything, Culver just helps you win basketball games.

Brandon Clarke

No player enjoyed a bigger rise up draft boards this season than Brandon Clarke. A year ago at this time, Clarke was preparing to make his debut in a stacked Gonzaga front court after sitting out a year following a transfer from San Jose State. He quickly emerged as a defensive wrecking ball who gobbled up blocks at the rim and had the quickness to stay with guards on the perimeter. Offensively, Clarke was incredibly efficient, finishing with a sparkling 70 percent true shooting percentage mostly on the strength of dunks, put-backs, and short floaters around the rim.

Clarke lacks ideal size for a center at 6’8 with proportional arms and a slim build. He’s also a rough outside shooter at this stage, though he has made progress over the last year. Put him next to a floor-stretching center and Clarke would be an incredibly effective glue guy who helps you win.

Coby White

White broke high school scoring records in the state of North Carolina before he became a Tar Heel. The question was how he would transition to point guard at the college level after taking over for a four-year starter in Joel Berry. The results were as good as anyone could have hoped. With White at the controls, UNC played played at its fastest tempo in the last 20 years and still finished with a top-10 offense in efficiency.

White soared up on draft boards as a shifty 6’5 guard with refined scoring instincts who thrived on catch-and-shoot opportunities and showed upside as a pull-up shooter. He can take his game to new levels if he continues to improve as a playmaker for his teammates.

Goga Bitadze

The 6’11 center makes up for a lack of elite athleticism with a well-rounded skill set and impressive feel for the game. At 18 years old, he’s already been remarkably productive as a pro in his short career, winning Euroleague’s prestigious Rising Star Award this season. His feel for the game stands out on both ends of the floor, particularly with his defensive positioning and screen setting on offense. He’s a quality shooter and should be an NBA-caliber rebounder from Day 1. This is a traditional center will still be able to thrive in a changing NBA.

P.J. Washington

Washington blossomed as a three-point shooter during his sophomore year at Kentucky to unlock his lottery potential. After making just five three-pointers at a 23 percent clip as a freshman, Washington drained 33 triples on 42 percent of his attempts this past season. Already blessed with the length (7’2 wingspan) and strength to play in an NBA front court, he now has the skill to match his physicality.

Washington’s quickness and newfound shooting strokes gives him great versatility. While he’ll likely spend most of his career at the four, he could see minutes at center in small ball lineups or even attempt to defend wings if his shooting continues to impress. This is a quality rebounder and capable shot blocker who can score efficiently out of the post or as a face-up attacker. He needs to continue to get more comfortable as a ball handler to fully unlock his upside.

Bol Bol

There has never been a college prospect with Bol’s combination of historic length and knockdown outside shooting. His 9’7 standing reach and 7’7 wingspan are equaled only by the likes of Rudy Gobert and Mo Bamba. He separates himself with incredible shot-making ability with range that extends beyond the NBA three-point line. Bol hit 52 percent of his threes at Oregon before a fractured navicular bone in his left foot ended his season after nine games. He also would have finished top 10 in the country in block rate if he played enough games.

There remains serious questions about Bol’s frame, mobility, durability. Big men with a history of foot injuries are a scary proposition, especially when they lack the lateral quickness desired in today’s NBA. He also weighed in at only 208 pounds at the draft combine. Even still, his special physical gifts and ridiculous shooting touch give him star upside that is worth gambling on.

De’Andre Hunter

Hunter is a long and strong forward who shot 44 percent on three-pointers as a redshirt sophomore this past season. He was the star of Virginia’s national championship game victory over Texas Tech, winning the individual matchup against fellow top prospect Jarrett Culver by hitting several clutch shots late. While Hunter has a high floor as a 3-and-D wing, his upside is limited by his lack of creation ability off the dribble. He also posted curiously low block and steal rates given his defensive reputation.

Hunter is a safe bet to be a productive, but his ceiling depends on the development of his ball handling ability and how he can fit into team-oriented defensive scheme.

Darius Garland

Garland played only five games for Vanderbilt before having season-ending meniscus surgery. Despite the small sample, he was able to establish himself as a possible top-five draft pick mostly off the strength of his pull-up shooting ability. Garland shot 48 percent from three at Vandy and has the type of range that should translate seamlessly to the NBA. He’s also a quick and shifty ball handler who can break down a defense at the point of attack. No defender will ever want to go under a screen when Garland has the ball.

There will be questions over his lack of size (6’2), finishing, and defensive versatility. Garland had more turnovers than assists during his brief college career, which makes facilitating his biggest area of growth. If he proves to be a capable playmaker, taking him in the top five won’t look so risky.

Cam Reddish

Reddish drew comparisons to Paul George and Tracy McGrady as a high school recruit for his length, shooting ability, and defensive versatility. After an underwhelming and inefficient freshman season at Duke, it’s time to temper those expectations. While Reddish lacked the burst and feel for the game to have a sky-high ceiling, he should still have a long pro career for all the reasons that originally made him intriguing.

He showed flashes of impressive shooting versatility this season and also made a habit of getting in the passing lanes for steals. Wings with his size and shooting will always have value.

Nickeil Alexander-Walker

Alexander-Walker is a 6’5 guard who can dribble, pass, and shoot. The Virginia Tech sophomore and cousin of Clippers guard Shai Gilgeous-Alexander won’t blow you away with his athleticism, but he has the size to play either backcourt spot and a baseline competency at the game’s most important skills. His steal rate of 3.4 is among the highest of any projected first rounder. He also shot 78 percent from the foul line.

Alexander-Walker could struggle to create off the dribble against the NBA’s biggest and strongest defenders, but his two-way versatility means he should have a long career whether he’s a starter or third guard who can give a team positive minutes off the bench.

Grant Williams

Williams might look like an undersized power forward without knockdown shooting ability at first glance, but a closer inspection reveals he’s one of the smartest and most well-rounded players in this year’s class. A two-time SEC Player of the Year, Williams is a powerfully built 6’7 forward who dominated college basketball. While his inside scoring might suffer as he jumps to the pros, he’ll still succeed because he’s a good passer, gifted help defender, and able to provide that type of supplemental rebounding and rim protection teams need to win.

He can take his game to another level if he continues to develop as a shooter after hitting 32 percent of his attempts this season. The fact that Williams shot 82 percent from the foul line should give teams hope.

Sekou Doumbouya

Doumbouya is a 18-year-old French forward with the frame and athleticism NBA teams look for. At 6’9 with wide shoulders and long arms, Doumbouya is a ball of clay right now who is just growing into his body and his game despite already being a pro for multiple years. His outside shot started to make strides this season in France’s top league and he’s already showed the ability to finish plays in transition. Defensively, he has the tools to one day guard up to three positions, but remains unrefined in technique.

Doumbouya still needs to improve his “feel for the game” which is tricky but not impossible for someone his age. He could be the first international player off the board in this draft.

Chuma Okeke

Okeke was putting together the game of his life in Auburn’s upset of North Carolina in the Sweet 16 when he tore his ACL. The team that drafts him will have to be patient, but could be richly rewarded with a two-way forward who seems like an ideal fit in the modern NBA. Okeke was only Auburn’s third leading scorer this season, but he contributes in so many other aspects of the game.

The 6’8, 230-pound sophomore wing shot 39 percent from three-point range, put up huge block and steal rates on defense, and was effective crashing the offensive glass. He should make a positive impact defensively with the versatility to guard multiple positions early in his career. His two-year track record of being efficient on catch-and-shoot opportunities should also translate to the next level. Despite the injury, this could be one of the biggest sleepers in the draft.

Jaxson Hayes

Hayes exploded onto draft boards this season as a freshman center at Texas. After entering college as a four-star recruit without much draft hype, Hayes immediately impressed pro scouts with his length, quickness, and coordination. Hayes thrives running the floor and finishing at the rim with long strides and effective touch in the paint. He was immediately effective as a shot blocker, finishing top 10 in the country in block rate. His 7’3.5 wingspan makes him one of the longest prospects in this class.

Hayes will need to add strength to his thin frame and continue to develop his skill set. Rebounding is his biggest area of improvement. He didn’t attempt a three-pointer this year at Texas but did hit 74 percent of his free throws. He projects as a run-and-jump big man who catches lobs and protects the rim.

Kevin Porter

It’s tough to know what to make of Porter after an up-and-down freshman season at USC. At his best, Porter was drawing top-10 hype as a 6’6 wing with an advanced scoring package. Porter had a habit of making tough shots look easy, using step-backs, pull-ups, and athletic up-and-unders as part of his arsenal. He also shot 41 percent from three-point range and surprised some scouts by putting up impressive block and steal rates defensively.

For all of Porter’s talent, he never seemed to find his place on a USC team that finished a game under .500. Injuries limited him to 22 games and he was only seventh on his team in minutes per game. Porter wasn’t always a willing passer for the Trojans and also struggled with turnovers. He feels like one of the biggest boom-or-bust picks in this draft.

Nassir Little

Little entered the college season as a projected top-three pick only to see his stock slip as he struggled to find his role within a veteran North Carolina front court. Coming off the bench for the entire season, Little underwelmed with his three-point shot (27 percent) and posted a turnover rate that was nearly three times as high as his assist rate. He’ll need to learn to read the floor and make quick decisions if he’s ever going to fulfill the promise so many scouts saw him as a recruit.

Despite a disappointing season, the 19-year-old still has upside for a variety of reasons. At 6’6, 225 pounds with a 7’1 wingspan, he has the ideal frame for a combo forward. He rebounded the ball well and has always had a reputation for playing with a high motor. He also shot 77 percent on free throws, which shows he still has potential as a shooter.

Romeo Langford

Langford was considered a top-five recruit entering college after a prodigious prep career where he set scoring records in the state of Indiana. His lone season for the hometown Hoosiers was a mixed bag, as Langford scored well but struggled with his three-point shot and saw his team miss the NCAA tournament. His NBA value will mostly be dependent on his ability to fix his jumper after shooting only 27 percent from behind the arc.

If there is a mechanical change that can better his outside shot, Langford will suddenly look like an impressive prospect. He has a great frame for a shooting guard with a 6’11 wingspan and showcased soft touch inside the arc. He was particularly good as a pull-up shooter and on floaters. If Langford is still on the board as the draft hits the teens, he’s worth gambling on.

Mfiondu Kabengele

Kabengele never started a game for Florida State, but still led the team in scoring as a sophomore this season. The nephew of Dikembe Mutombo, Kabengele has a great frame for a front court player, measuring at 6’10, 255 pounds and with a 7’3 wingspan at the combine. His combination of strength and three-point shooting should be intriguing to teams at the middle or end of the first round. He shot 37 percent on threes, 76 percent on free throws, and finished with an impressive block rate of 8.3 percent.

Kabengele is limited with the ball in his hands right now, posting only 21 assists combined over two seasons. He mostly scores on dunks or catch-and-shoot opportunities, but also thrives drawing fouls when attacking the basket.

Talen Horton-Tucker

Horton-Tucker has one of the most unique profiles of any player in the draft. At 6’4, 235 pounds with a 7’1 wingspan, THT has the frame to defend multiple positions and also posted impressive block and steal rates during his freshman season at Iowa State. His offensive skill set is unrefined, but intriguing. He can handle the ball in the open floor and had nine games this season with at least four assists. He struggled as a shooter, both from the three-point line (31 percent) and the foul line (62 percent). At the same time, he was able to get off three-point attempts at such an impressive volume that he could have major value if he makes a mechanical tweak to his shot.

Horton-Tucker is also one of the youngest prospects in this draft, not turning 19 years old until November. Right now, he’s mostly a blank slate with great tools. He’ll need to find a patient team who is willing to develop him long-term.

Cameron Johnson

Johnson is one of the few seniors projected to go in the first round, but his combination of size and shooting can’t be ignored. A 6’9 combo forward, Johnson was one of the very best shooters in the country this season, hitting nearly 46 percent of his three-pointers. He should immediately have value as a catch-and-shoot threat for a team that needs floor spacing around a more dynamic shot creator.

Johnson is limited as a ball handler and playmaker, but he did improve dramatically as a transition scorer this season. Teams will wonder if he can stay on the floor defensively given his lack of natural quickness.

Tyler Herro

Herro was an indispensable shooter in the backcourt for John Calipari during his freshman season at Kentucky. The 6’4 off guard scored efficiently on a variety of play types, thriving on spot-up opportunities and floaters in the half court while also emerging as a surprisingly effective transition threat. He was also the best free throw shooter in college basketball this season, hitting 93.5 percent of his attempts. He’s a better shooter than his 35 percent three-point percentage would indicate.

Scouts will question Herro’s defense and his ability to create shots off the dribble. His 6’3 wingspan is the shortest of any player who measured at the combine. He also lacks ideal athleticism for a pro shooting guard. In an ideal scenario, Herro would develop into a feared shooter who can run off screens and attack closeouts like JJ Redick.

Ty Jerome

Jerome was the backbone of Virginia’s national title run this season as a 6’5 junior guard who can pass, shoot, and dribble. Jerome hit 40 percent of his threes this season and finished in the 99th percentile on spot-up shooting attempts, per Synergy Sports. He also was one of the better facilitators in the country, finishing in the top 50 in the country in assist rate. Jerome is not particularly quick or athletic, so scouts will question his ability to defend and create off the dribble. With the size to play either backcourt spot and a strong feel for the game, Jerome has a high floor as a potential third guard.

Matisse Thybulle

Thybulle has a case to be the best defensive prospect in this draft. The 6’5 senior was a wrecking ball in the middle of Washington’s zone defense this season, averaging 3.5 steals and 2.5 blocks per game. As a long and strong wing, Thybulle projects to be effective as a point-of-attack stopper but really shines by making plays as a help defender.

His offensive skill set is unrefined, but Thybulle did finish well at the rim. Shooting remains his biggest weakness. Thybulle’s three-point volume was impressive this season but his accuracy from the behind the arc (30 percent) was not. A team towards the end of the first round will hope he can be a lockdown defender from Day 1 as his jumper develops.

Luka Samanic

Samanic flashed intriguing talent as a pro in Europe before impressing scouts at the NBA Draft combine in May. The 6’11 forward has improved his frame since first coming onto NBA radars in FIBA youth tournaments, no longer looking physically overmatched as he took the court at the combine. NBA teams will target him as a stretch shooter in the front court with a pretty stroke that features a high release point and quick motion. His defense, rebounding, and ability to score in transition will come under a microscope as a pro.

Rui Hachimura

Hachimura became one of the biggest stars in college basketball this season as a junior. He led a powerful Gonzaga team in scoring, showcasing impressive touch from mid-range and the physicality to finish near the basket. At 6’8, 230 pounds, he has the frame to play the four in the league if he continues to improve his volume as a three-point shooter after hitting 41 percent of his attempts this past year.

Scouts question Hachimura’s feel for the game on both ends of the floor. He averaged more turnovers than assists and was often caught out of position on defense. Hachimura will receive plenty of attention from the moment he enters the league as the greatest Japanese basketball prospect ever. As long as he can limit his mistakes on each end, his shooting touch and physicality should give him a long career.

Nic Claxton

Claxton was a three-star recruit entering college who blossomed into a possible first-round pick after two years at Georgia. The 6’11 big man has elite quickness and movement skills for his position, projecting as a center who can switch screens and contest shots. He offers some rim protection ability after finishing in the top 75 in the country in block rate this past season, though he’ll need to add strength to his 220-pound frame. With a nearly 7’3 wingspan, he’s also one of the longest players in this class.

Claxton can take his game to the next level if he continues to improve as a shooter. After hitting eight three-pointers as a freshman, he drained 18 threes this season, though only at a 28 percent clip. Until that happens, scouts will continue to question his physicality and touch as an inside scorer.

Daniel Gafford

Gafford was projected as a possible lottery pick a year ago, but chose to return to Arkansas for his sophomore season. While his stock slipped slightly as his numbers remained similar, there’s still a lot to like for NBA scouts. A 6’11 center with a 7’2 wingspan, Gafford tied Claxton for the best max vertical of any center at 36.5 inches. His shot blocking numbers fell slightly this year, but he still should make his money as a rim protector. Offensively, Gafford mostly scores on alley-oops and put-backs. He’s going to need to improve as a free throw shooter after never hitting better than 59 percent of his shots from the charity stripe during his two years in college.