#congratulations i am in physical pain

[klausysworld]

Your stories are so good!

How about a story where Klaus gets in over his head and ends up being taken captive by Augustine but falls in love with one of the scientist over the time he’s there.

(Made it the scientists daughter, not sure why? I think I read the ask wrong and then just got too deep with it. I can make another one if this wasn’t what was wanted)

(TW:This does include physical and psychological abuse form Y/n’s father! Please don’t read if this will be too upsetting for you and know that you are not alone.)

Betrayal

Klaus often went into dangerous situations without much of a plan, he was immortal and he used that to his every advantage. To be fair to him, this always worked in his favour except for that one time with the hunters curse but other than that it was fine.

Until now.

He woke with a groan, his eyes felt heavy and his body was stiff. Forcefully, he forced himself to look around but his face was against the ground. With a grunt, he managed to roll onto his back. His breathing was struggled and released in puffs. A hum reached his ears and he turned his head slowly to see a man, no a vampire sat in a cage or a prison cell opposite him.

The guys clothes were filthy, bloody and muddy. Hair greasy and growing a touch long. He gave an unserious wave "congratulations, you've been captured" he cheered sarcastically and Klaus frowned. The vampire rolled his eyes "¿no hablas inglés?" he questioned "français? Italiano? Polski?" he fired, clearly bored.

"Where-" Klaus frowned at the dryness of his throat and tried to clear his throat but it caused a painful sensation "Where am I?" he asked, raspily.

"English" the man stated, nodding to himself. "Right uh you are in an experiment where they do fun little tests on us vampires because they have an undying hatred towards us" the man explained, laughing tiredly to himself when he said 'undying'.

Klaus stared at the man like he were mad. "Tests? What sort of tests?" he questioned, frustrated and the vampire shut up. He glanced behind Klaus before back to him nervously

"They're trying to make a serum to make vampires have the uncontrollable urge to feed on other vampires...to rip their heads clean off. Be stronger, unstoppable and filled with hatred for our own" he explained quietly as though someone may be listening. Klaus frowned in response and slowly dragged himself up into a sitting position against the cold wall of his cell.

Vampires who rippered other vampires? It reminded him of his father and he didn't exactly want to think of him. Nor did he want to feel this week, how much vervain had they pumped him full of? He groaned loudly and the other man hummed in agreement.

The sound of a lock went and the vampire opposite Klaus quickly got to his feet, holding onto the bars like a desperate animal.

The soft clicking of heels sounded and the mans face immediately relaxed slightly, his eyes looking eagerly for whoever was coming. Klaus was hit with a strong scent of vanilla before a soft sigh was heard and he could see the back of a women. Her hair hiding her shoulders and the top half of her lab coat. She wore small black heels and a coat.

"You okay?" she asked the guy opposite him, handing him something, blood. He could smell it and he needed it. The vampire scoffed it down immediately with a sound of pleasure.

"mm thank you darling...I don't suppose you have another for me?" he purred but she shook he head

"It's for the new one" she whispered and Klaus's senses perked. She proceeded to turn towards him and her eyes looked him over. Klaus let out a breathy laugh, this was who was supposed to be testing and torturing him? He raised both his brows and licked his chapped lips before pulling them into a smirk. In response she only rolled her eyes "those eyes won't work on many people here" she told him, she placed the paper shot glass of blood onto the floor and carefully pushed it into his cage. "You'll be known by 52836, answer to it or they’ll burn it into you so you remember it" she informed, watching him reach forward and grabbing the drink.

"This is all I get?" he questioned, his nose scrunched and his browed pulled together.

"One a day. None if you misbehave. You'll feel better tomorrow when you have less vervain in your system, until then keep quiet. 12144 will be here with you...get comfortable" she murmured, a certain sadness and level of pity in her eyes as she gave a tight lipped smile to both vampires before leaving.

12144 looked back to Klaus, "You can call me Enzo, she's called Y/n. One of the mean ones daughters, been coming down here since she was small. She doesn't mean much harm but she's too scared to go against the rules" he explained with a shrug "Sometimes she sneaks me two portions if she can. She touched me once, just a hand on the shoulder. I was far too weak to respond but I knew she was there"

Klaus stared at Enzo for a moment before glancing to his now empty cup. What the fuck did he just get himself into?

It was the question he asked himself every morning and every night. To start off with he fought back against the scientists, yelled and screamed demanding to know who they thought they were, making empty threats and hoping his family would find him.

Klaus began to feel a little pathetic, he was hoping? That wasn’t like him. He was strategic and powerful. So he tried to pay better attention. After a few weeks, he was able to understand why Y/n was so obedient. Her father was dreadful. She once suggested that Klaus needed a break after watching blood poor out of his eyes, her father proceeded to grab her and threaten to stick one of the syringes in her neck. She sprinted out the room as soon as she was let go and Klaus couldn’t blame her. It made him think of Mikael and how he would hold a sword against his throat.

He had sympathy for her, empathy too but unfortunately he had to push that aside and instead of help her, he would manipulate her.

He would ask her about the little marks on her skin knowing it was a result of her trying to help him. Enzo would shake his head and occasionally speak up, telling Klaus to leave her be when her discomfort became clear.

“I don’t mean to upset you sweetheart” Klaus murmured, his hand reaching between the bars to brush against her arm making her flinch and pull away. “You don’t deserve to be hurt. I know that, Enz- 12144, knows it too. You’re good and sweet” he told her, his hand reaching to touch her but she wouldn’t let him. “I could help you” he whispered, his eyes flicking to Enzo’s but he just looked annoyed.

Y/n shook her head and left quickly and Enzo sighed. “You shouldn’t do that to her” he mumbled “you’re only making her hopeful”

“I haven’t lied. If she were to let me out then I’d happily slaughter that father of hers. Then she’d be safe” he smile sarcastically

“I wouldn’t let you kill her too. She hasn’t done anything cruel since the first day I met her” Enzo muttered solemnly

“I don’t plan on killing her” Klaus stated simply as he looked down at the extra cup of blood she had given him. He wasn’t sure what he’d do to her but he wouldn’t kill her, scare her maybe but he didn’t really want to kill her.

The two vampires sat back down in their cells. Preparing themselves for the torture to come. Occasionally it wouldn’t come, instead they would hear the sobs of a fear stricken Y/n as she begged the ‘scientists’ to give 12144 and 52836 a day off. It was those moments that made him soften for her.

When she would come down to where they stay with trembling hands and cups of blood.

As she handed the small offering to Klaus, he slid his hand out to grab her wrist gently. She immediately flinched and dropped the blood making her breathing escalate in panic.

“It’s alright” he soothed, pulling her closer to the bars so he could put his other hand on her cheek.

“I’m sorry” she whimpered “I’ll get more”

“It doesn’t matter sweetheart” he murmured, caressing her face gently and wiping the tears away. “I had two cups yesterday anyway” he reminded and she sniffed with a nod. “Come here love, let me hold you” he whispered, tugging her closer despite the shaking of her head a the cry that left her lips. Enzo watched with furrowed brows as Klaus managed to wrap his arms around her. Y/n’s body was pressed against the bars, still shaking as the vampire caressed her back slowly. Klaus looked over her shoulder to Enzo as Y/n melted against him. With hesitancy Enzo nodded and relaxed.

After nearly a full minute, he let her go and watched as her tearful eyes looked at his. Silently she turned around and left, whispering softly to Enzo on her way out.

Said vampire narrowed his eyes at Klaus “What game are you playing with her?” He asked lowly

“We need to get out. She needs to get out. This is how we do it” he mumbles

“Make her trust you and then use her? Like that will help her. You’ll only hurt her more” he sighed and Klaus rolled his eyes, sitting back down on the dirtied floors and shutting his eyes.

Y/n tried not to look him in the eye after that and she went back to pushing the cup of blood towards him instead of handing it to him. He could tell and Enzo could tell that something deeper was wrong. And it was only when it actually happened did they understand what.

It was Klaus’s turn to be shackled down and tested on. What he wasn’t ready for was when one of the scientists came in dragging Y/n by the wrist. He forced her infront of Klaus and shoved a syringe into her hands. She shook her head and begged no but as soon as her father stepped into the room she knew she had to do it. With one devastating look to Klaus, she injected him with the substance.

They made her test his blood and his reactions all afternoon, claiming that it was a good learning opportunity and she should finally get involved in the family business.

By the time she was finished, Klaus couldn’t see nor hear, he was certain for a moment that he was finally dead but eventually he woke a few hours later back in his cell.

After that, Y/n rarely brought them blood, she couldn’t face them. And when she had to face them, it was because she had to hurt them and that was even worse for everyone.

Neither vampire blamed her, they didn’t fight her when she would touch them. They would simply let it happen and internalise as much of their pain as possible so she wouldn’t cry as much.

Occasionally the other scientists would leave and she would immediately try stop their suffering. Asking what she could do. Enzo assure her that it was fine and she would hold his hand for a small while and feed him some water. Klaus would ask her to distract him which always confused her and ended up in a splurge of rambling so that he would be able to focus on something else. The amount of random stories that girl had told him wonder if she was just making them up on the spot but he didn’t mind if she was. Often she would caress his hand or shoulder as she spoke to try and give a sense of comfort.

One day, when Klaus was supposed to still be knocked out, she was in his cell with him. She had been told to clean the blood from the floor so that it wouldn’t smell and not to worry about 52836 because he wouldn’t wake for another hour. They underestimated his strength and the fact that Y/n would try sneak extra blood.

When he woke, his eyes slowly found her. She was down on her knees, scrubbing at the ground with a sponge quickly. It was clear she was on edge. She made it clear when she glanced over to him a few times. Only one of those times did she realise he was looking back at her and when it hit her she froze.

Klaus made sure not to move either, he wasn’t sure if the cage was open or not and he didn’t know if she would scream if he moved too quickly. He watched as she slowly began to stand up, he hesitantly moved his arm out and let his hand touch her ankle. A sound left her mouth as she went still again and watched him wrap his hand around her. “Can you help me sit up?” He asked quietly and reluctantly she nodded.

He let go of her and helped push himself up as much as he could while she supported the majority of his weight. She whispered her apologies as she managed to get him up and leaning against the wall.

“Thank you sweetheart” he whispered, his hand finding hers. She swallowed thickly but held his hand and sat beside him staring at the ground blankly.

Enzo was in the other room, being tested on as usual so Klaus had her to himself for a moment.

His eyes flicked to the lock of the cell, it was open and he knew that if he drained Y/n now that he would make it out. He felt her shuffle a little close to that she could transfer some of her body heat to his, and sighed to himself. Slowly he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. “You’re not like them” he whispered, holding her closer.

“I don’t want to hurt you” she whispered sadly and he closed his eyes, cursing himself silently.

“I don’t want to hurt you either” he uttered “I’m sorry” he told her, just before lowering his head and sinking his teeth into her neck. He squeezed his eyes shut to try block out her cry of pain and confusion. Her blood burned down his throat with the vervain she’d ingested but regardless of the toxic herb, he could still feel his strength returning. Her hands desperately tried to push him off, sobs echoing through his cell as he drank. Klaus tried to be a gentle as he could but her squirming made it so difficult.

When her heart began to slow, and her her breathing quietened, he pulled his mouth off. She looked up at him with a look that could only be described as betrayal and fear. Still, he picked her up in his arms and kissed her head “it’ll be okay my love” he whispered, carrying her with him as he pushed the cell gate open. “I’ll be back” he promised, putting her on the ground, ignoring her cries as he went into the torture room.

After draining the three scientists in the room and tearing the shackles off of Enzo, he came back and picked up Y/n. Enzo was furious and took her straight off of Klaus, promising her that he had no idea this was what would happen.

The three of them managed to escape the building and Klaus broke into a random car, beckoning Enzo with Y/n into the back as he managed to get it started.

He glanced in the rear view mirror as Enzo stroked Y/n’s hair while she shook and cried and asked if her father was still alive.

Klaus’s eyes met Enzo’s in the mirror as he stepped on the gas. Neither had any idea what to do now.

[starsainzjr]

Around the World in 80 Days

Pairing: Max Verstappen x flight attendant!reader Faceclaim: None

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yourusername New York City

Liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo, lilymhe and 68,836 others

yourusername Start spreadin' the news 🗽

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lilymhe I miss you 😭

yourusername I am quite literally getting on a flight to come back as we speak alex_albon Yn help she's pouting I'm not equipped to handle it yourusername Right just let me tell the pilot to hurry up

maxverstappen1 Have a safe flight, liefje 😘

yourusername Ik hou van je, schat 🥰

danielricciardo How much longer until I get you on one of my flights 😒

yourusername You'd have to pass up Max's jet for that

maximillionverstars They are so cute it causes me physical pain

rb19sdownforce Sleeping on the highway tonight 🫶

verstrapping33 The way that she gets to fly around the world for a living AND date Max Verstappen... she won

maxverstappen1 Bahrain

Liked by yourusername, redbullracing, danielricciardo and 339,548 others

maxverstappen1 Lovely way to start the season! @/redbullracing let's go for 4!

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yourusername Next time I won't be 30,000 feet in the air

maxverstappen1 Love you, liefje 😘 Come back to me safe yourusername I always will, schat 🥰

danielricciardo Still trying to recover from the heart attack on lap 43

maxverstappen1 😬

redbullracing Run it back, champ!

yourusername Give me more warning for the party this time

maximillionverstars The way he always tells her to be safe 😭

verstrapping33 Willing to sell my should to get what they have

yourusername Melbourne, Australia

Liked by maxverstappen1, redbullracing, lilymhe and 64,278 others

yourusername That layover was well timed

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maxverstappen1 Biggest fan back in the garage! I love you, liefje 😘

yourusername You put on a show! I love you more, schat 🥰

redbullracing First Couple is back in the paddock!

danielricciardo YN COME DO A SHOEY WITH ME

yourusername WAIT FOR ME IM RUNNING lilymhe WAIT WAIT WAIT FOR ME TOO

verstrapping33 Yn and Max fr are the First Couple of Formula 1

maximillionverstars I'm begging for the content of Danny and Yn's shoey 😭

rb19sdownforce The only time I'm okay with Max not winning is when it's Danny on the top step

danielricciardo Melbourne, Australia

Liked by redbullracing, maxverstappen1, f1 and 1,020,0347 others

danielricciardo What a special day! Winning my home race has been a dream for a long time and I can't believe it finally came true!

Thank you @/redbullracing for making a dream a reality!

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redbullracing What a return! Congrats Danny!

f1 ELECTRIC! What a race! Congratulations Daniel!

scuderiaferrari What a race! Congratulazioni from everyone here at the Scuderia!

maxverstappen1 Could not be more happy! Gefeliciteerd!

yourusername DANIEL RICCIARDO I AM SO PROUD OF YOU I LOVE YOU

danielricciardo YN TAKE THE REST OF THE WEEK OFF maxverstappen1 Hey, woah, that's my girlfriend we're talking about yourusername I love you too, schat 🥰

rb19sdownforce I'M FUCKING SHAKING I CANNOT BELIEVE IT

redbullgiveschecowings DANIEL MOTHERFUCKING RICCIARDO

verstrapping33 The First Couple supporting their third wheel no one talk to me

maxverstappen1 Melbourne, Australia

Liked by danielricciardo, yourusername, redbullracing and 299,741 others

maxverstappen1 Congratulations, Daniel! A well deserved win and a fantastic result for the team! Could not be prouder of how this weekend turned out. Onward and upward!

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danielricciardo No one I would rather have by my side!

maxverstappen1 Shoeys all around!

yourusername DANIEL GET OVER HERE WE'RE DOING SHOTS

danielricciardo WAIT FOR ME IM ON MY WAY maxverstappen1 @/charles_leclerc I refuse to be the babysitter tonight charles_leclerc ABSOLUTELY NOT @/lewishamilton THIS ONE'S ON YOU

maximillionverstars This weekend is going to keep me going for the next, like, forever

rb19sdownforce Somebody sedate me

yourusername Tokyo, Japan

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yourusername Can't get you off my mind 🎌

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maxverstappen1 Just a week too early 😔 Have a safe flight, liefje 😘

yourusername Love you, schat 🥰

lilymhe Now that's what I call a successful girls' weekend

yourusername YES IT WAS

maximillionverstars The way that if I ever saw Yn in an airport I would actually treat her like royalty

lilymhe I treat her like royalty too, understandable maximillionverstars BRB I'm gonna go lie in a ditch and rethink my entire life

verstrapping33 Max and Yn's relationship is the blueprint

maxverstappen1 Suzuka Circuit

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maxverstappen1 Lovely conclusion to a lovely weekend! Suzuka you were amazing as always!

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yourusername That's my boy! So proud, I love you schat! 🥰

maxverstappen1 My liefje 😘 I love you more

redbullracing Triumphant return to the top step!

danielricciardo Max can I have my turn with Yn this weekend? I want to go skydiving

maxverstappen1 You had her all of last race weekend, it's my turn danielricciardo But @/charles_leclerc had her last weekend yourusername Danny I'll hang out with you in two weeks when I'm off

verstrapping33 The entire grid fighting over Yn's attention 😭 They really are the First Couple, it's not a joke anymore

maxverstappen1 Paris, France

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maxverstappen1 Schedules aligned for once. A lovely weekend in Paris was well needed. I love you, liefje 😘

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yourusername I love you more, schat! 🥰

maxverstappen1 May can't end quick enough

charles_leclerc @/pierregasly when are you gonna take me for a date night in Paris

pierregasly When Carlos stops looking like he's gonna kill me if I so much as think about you carlossainz55 ☹️

rb19sdownforce Max's comment section kills me every time I open it

verstrapping33 So like... is Max a Target purchase or is he more of an Amazon find...

yourusername Custom made ☺️

yourusername Paris, France

Liked by maxverstappen1, lilymhe, danielricciardo and 59,150 others

yourusername Because my love is near 🇫🇷

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maxverstappen1 City of love was lovey! I love you liefje 😘

yourusername No one I would rather experience it with. I love you schat 🥰

danielricciardo One of these days I am actually going to get a cavity at how sweet my best friends are

maxverstappen1 Make sure to brush your teeth tonight yourusername I'll book you a dentist appointment

rb19sdownforce I swear to god they're going to kill me with how cute they are

verstrapping33 Are we sure Max isn't a Target purchase...

yourusername Dubai, UAE

Liked by maxverstappen1, lilymhe, danielricciardo and 53,026 others

yourusername Coming soon 😉

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maxverstappen1 I'm so proud of you, liefje 😘

yourusername Couldn't have gotten this far without your support, schat 🥰

lilymhe She's all grown up 😪

yourusername There's a ticket for my first flight with your name on it alex_albon What about me???? yourusername You can come too I guess danielricciardo And me? 😇 yourusername Are you gonna give up the jet???

maximillionverstars She's actually gonna slay so hard

verstrapping33 Looks like I'm only flying Emirates from now on (I am extremely broke)

maxverstappen1 Emilia Romagna

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maxverstappen1 Imola! Great feeling to be back on the top step. See you in Monaco!

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yourusername Schat! 🥰 I'm so proud you Maxie

maxverstappen1 Go back to studying, liefje 😘 I'll call you in the morning verstrapping33 To what gods do I need to make sacrifices to in order to get a Max for myself

redbullracing There's our future World Champion x 4!

danielricciardo I'm sorry for spraying champagne directly into your eyeball

maxverstappen1 I suppose you're forgiven yourusername Daniel Ricciardo if you blind my boyfriend I will hunt you down a maxverstappen1 Easy, liefje

rb19sdownforce I miss the First Couple 😭

maximillionverstars If I don't get a Max within the next 6 months I will actually lose my mind and it will be irreversible

yourusername Dubai, UAE

Liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo, redbullracing and 62,159 others

yourusername Best way to spend a study break. Congrats, @/maxverstappen1! I love you, schat 🥰

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maxverstappen1 Felt your support the whole way through. I love you, liefje 😘 See you soon

yourusername ❤️💙🧡

danielricciardo Yn I miss you more than Max does

maxverstappen1 You definitely do not yourusername You can have dibs on second hug once I'm back, Danny

redbullracing Two more weeks until our First Couple returns

yourusername Counting down the days

verstrapping33 The way they support each other in everything they do 😭

redbullracing Circuit Gilles Villeneuve

Liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername, f1 and 781,172 others

redbullracing 6 wins in a row for Red Bull Racing!

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maxverstappen1 Keep it running!

danielricciardo Not anywhere near done 💪

yourusername My boys!

danielricciardo Come back ☹️ maxverstappen1 There's an empty space in the garage with your name on it, liefje

rb19sdownforce They always know how to give us a heart attack jfc

yourusername Dubai, UAE

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yourusername Take off! The past eight weeks have been incredible. So excited to finally by a part of Emirates flight crew!

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maxverstappen1 Liefje! I'm so so proud of you!

yourusername Schat! I love you so much 🥰

danielricciardo I, for one, think I would look the best with that hat

maxverstappen1 I would love to see you try yourusername MINE

lilymhe My girl!!!! Where are we going first

yourusername Wherever you want, love of my life maxverstappen1 Hold on... alex_albon YEAH HOLD ON danielricciardo WHAT THET SAID

verstrapping33 Reading the comments over breakfast like it's the morning paper

maxverstappen1 Barcelona, Spain

Liked by yourusername, danielricciardo, redbullracing and 499,197 others

maxverstappen1 Proud doesn't even begin to cover it! SO happy for you, @/yourusername. And so happy to have you back in the paddock with me.

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yourusername I love you schat 🥰 Could not have made it through without you waiting for me at the other end

maxverstappen1 I love you more, liefje 😘

danielricciardo YN'S BACK????? WHY WASN'T I INFORMED.

maxverstappen1 Back off, Ricciardo 🤺 yourusername Danny, at ease soldier

redbullracing First Couple content coming soon

maximillionverstars First Couple doing First Couple things

verstrapping33 Don't mind me, just sobbing into my hot chocolate at how proud Max is

yourusername Barcelona, Spain

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yourusername Let's pretend we're dancing in the street

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maxverstappen1 My good luck charm. I love you liefje 😘

yourusername I love you more, schat 🥰

danielricciardo She's home!!!!

yourusername DANNY COME GIVE ME A HUG

lilymhe The one race I don't go to

yourusername Looks like you're just going to have to book a flight alex_albon @/maxverstappen1 should we be worried? maxverstappen1 I think maybe danielricciardo I'm the real threat here boys yourusername No you're not lilymhe No you're not

maximillionverstars BRB gonna go sleep on the highway

f1 Barcelona, Spain

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f1 Nothing, just the First Couple doing First Couple things

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maxverstappen1 My favorite part of the weekend

yourusername First Couple, reporting for duty

redbullracing All is right in the world once again

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[pinkpearlgoddess]

𓃠

PAC: How soon will your manifestation become reality ✨

Please remember all PAC (Pick a pile) readings are for entertainment purposes and should not be replaced for mental, physical or financial advice

Free readings: my free readings will be open very soon, I will also be offering exchange readings🐇

Pile 1:

Rebirth: Tower Card, Death Card

This pile has understood their own gift and method of manifestation, I feel like this pile has gone through its fair share of trial and error and have now understood which method works best for them. I see majority of you have already manifested a few things out of your list but there seems to be one or two main ones you are still working on bringing to reality. Be prepared for some major changes because to get these manifestation into reality I see a tower and death card moment that needs to happen. You have done a lot work when it comes to trying to manifest this in your life. However, the vision I’m seeing is for these manifestation to come to reality it’s not only practice but also a detox as they would not fit in your current life. March and April. Be prepared to see one of two of your major manifestation to come to reality. I don’t see you being surprised as you have been putting the work in. There is a strong inner knowing. Congratulations!

Key to make this work faster: Detox your life, anything that does not longer reserves you let go of it and NEVER and I mean NEVER look back

Pile 2:

Nurture: Feminine energy, Inner Child

This group has not yet seen anything come to reality as of yet. Some of you have one goal and one goal only but are struggling to understand why your manifestations have not come to light. I'm here to tell you there is a blockage in energy, one that has to do with personal inner growth and healing. I see a gray cloud near your sacral chakra and throat chakra. This group would do well to start writing daily in a journal. I also sense this group may overthink the manifestation method too much, trying multiple methods to see if they're doing it wrong. The key here is you need to be in the right mind space to start receiving from the universe or God, depending on who you believe in. Your manifestation will come to reality six months into creating a healthy routine that includes catering to your feminine energy and inner child healing (the inner child part will be painful to go through but also refreshing at the same time).

Key to make this work faster: Play subs during the night while you’re asleep, Journal literally everything in your life, start working on self care, stop overthinking about others and focus on yourself, speak your mind OUT LOUD and clearly, take walks in nature, start scripting from an “I AM” point of view including gratitude.

Pile 3:

Experimental: The Fool & The magician 

key word: Consistency

Collective from this pile feel like new energy, new to the practical side of manifestation or have done a full reset and want to start from the beginning. Most of you have studied and explored the mindset point of view when it comes to manifestation and would now like to test the practical side of it. I see a lot of you being very sceptical due to an influxes of information coming in regarding manifestation. When it comes to the practical side of things and the work you put in it’s important you meditate on which methods you would like to start of with, which methods spiritually calls to you, not every method works for everyone. List all the methods that call to you and truly mediate of which one would best serve the manifestation you’re currently looking to achieve. One you have made the choice… practice consistently. This pile definitely rely on logic and practicality, so I see you guys being successful at this. There is a strong magician energy to you all, an academia background. You guys may even make a book documenting how your journey is going, what you’ve notice, what you would try in a different ways. There is no time frame because it doesn’t really seem like this pile is looking for a time but mainly a method to which works best for them. After mediating on a time frame and pulling a few cards, I feel you manifesting your first goal in 10 weeks to 12 weeks, Congratulations!

Key to make this work faster: Consistency is very important here: it should be part of your daily routine, part of your lifestyle, mental diet: learn about your mind and how you communicate to yourself

[f1version]

congratulations on the 1k!! it's well deserved

could i please request alex albon + ❛ i didn’t know where else to go. ❜

❛ who did this to you? ❜

❛ please don’t leave me. ❜

i apparently need some angst!

SAFE & SOUND ★ AA23

pairing: alex albon x driver! fem! reader

summary: you and alex have never had a good relationship as teammates, but for some reason you feel safe in each other’s arms.

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, implied and mention of verbal and physical violence (non explicit, not between the pairing, reader explains what happened but nothing detailed), implied toxicity and sexism, anxiety, alex calls reader love.

word count: 1,4k

notes: this ended up being longer than i expected

general masterlist ★ 1k special

Everything hurts.

From the soft leather seats of your car to the speed in which it was being driven. Tears fell down your cheeks while those cruel words rushed through your head all over again. They will never stop, you repeated. But they had to stop, they had to stop because they weren’t true.

You should leave. F1 is not for women. Daddy’s money. Your wins were gifted to you. Cheater.

Every punch, every scream. Everything hurts because the cruelest people are the ones who don't see beyond the differences, the ones who only look for flaws. It seemed like safety was something you couldn’t afford.

It was 3:00 AM when you parked in front of an apartment building in Monte Carlo. You had only been there once 6 months ago, yet you managed to drive there as if it were routine. 

You don't even know why you drove there.

Your name was still on the list of people allowed to go up, even when he said he was going to do a new list and you were sure you wouldn’t be allowed anymore. You guessed he forgot, after all, Alex Albon was somewhat forgetful.

Alex.

You are in front of Alex Albon’s door, your teammate’s door. Questions finally start pouring into your head. Why are you here? What makes you think he will let you in? What makes you think he will help you?

You and Alex weren’t the best teammates, and it was mostly your fault. He took you by surprise with his kindness, he was as sweet and funny as it could get. He was sunshine and you were midnight rain; cold, unpredictable, pushing away every intruder who could throw away what you had been building since you were 4 years old.

Still, you were going to knock on his door at 3 in the morning.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

For five minutes and eight seconds, there was no answer, the wait was doom, it was a sign that you should turn around and leave because Alex was asleep. But he had always been full of surprises.

Two confused brown eyes meet yours, saying your name in such a tone. "Are you. What?"

"I didn't know where else to go" you speak quickly, nervous, the bruises hurt more then.

"I, Come in, let's talk inside"

In that moment a sigh of relief leaves your lips. Of course he would let desperate souls in his house at three in the morning.

The fake blond led you into the living room, where, with a soft motion, asked you to take a seat on the black sofa in front of you.

Alex sits next to you, concern in his pretty eyes. You haven't said anything since he opened the door. You always had something to tease him with, but only a small cry came out of you. You didn't even look at him, something was very wrong.

He calls your name, soft and caring. “Can you look at me?” You hear him say as you stare down at your hands. "Love, please tell me what's wrong, you're worrying me.”

Observing was one of Alex’s greatest qualities, that's why he froze. His gaze was stuck on the bruise of your left arm. On the way here, they had taken on a blueish color, they were painful, especially when you remember the reason why they were there to begin with.

“Y/n?” He says cautiously, scared to mess it up. "Who did this to you?"

Alex gets closer and suddenly you've never felt so vulnerable, so alone. Alex didn't want you here, it was almost four in the morning and he was in his pajamas while you were crying on his sofa, smelling of that goddamn drink someone spilled on you.

"Alex, I’m sorry. I, I know you must be tired," you say in a hurry, trying to get up. "I, I should go, everything is fine nothing, nothing happened."

Alex grabs your hand, looking up at you. "Love, please."

Somehow that’s enough to make you stay. His eyes, such pretty brown eyes drown in worry and sadness. You can't stand it. Seeing Alex sad was something only could bear within race weekends, when your focus wasn’t on him. But, yes, he always looked better smiling.

Alex sighs, "stay here, I'm going to go get an ice pack and some water."

You decided to look down, more tears filled your eyes. He was so good. Alex was a real-life angel in your eyes, and you never thanked motorsports for the things it had done for you until now. Knowing him.

When he came back, a glass of water made it’s way into your hands, calming the nausea and the nerves. 

“Love, can you turn around a bit? I need to see that bruise,” Alex states, you just comply. You knew that if you thought about it too much you would want to run away without looking back. This isn’t the strong, confident version Alex knows, this is some broken toy who has had enough playing. You didn’t want him to see you like this, you were afraid of breaking something that didn't exist.

But maybe it exists, that something. Maybe it’s just hard to spot what that is. Maybe it was all about the laughs, hugs, and soft touches on the get-togethers of the team and the grid. Maybe it was how he looked at you with those gorgeous brown eyes.

That maybe is what encourages you to open up, he wouldn't judge you. He could never.

"I, I was in a pub, celebrating the points from last week with my sister and,” you inhale sharply, "and at some point, she went dancing with her girlfriend and... some people, fans, they recognized me and they, they."

"They did this."

It wasn’t a question, it was a fact. The lump on your throat only allowed you to nod. Looking at Alex you recognized anger, it was something carnal and dangerous, something you hadn't seen before. It wasn't the adrenaline rushing through his veins after something went down on track. This was twisted, crooked.

"Love," He says, slowly. There's that nickname again. "Do you remember their faces?" He asks a few minutes later, tense. “What they were wearing. Something?"

"Alex,"

"We have to do something," he says, standing up abruptly. "This can't stay like this, you,"

"Alex," you interrupt him, "i know what I have to do, but not now, please. I just want, I want to rest, I want peace, I want… Please, let's not talk about this now and," there’s a confession hanging in the air, "please don't leave me"

Your watery eyes find exasperated ones, calming them within seconds. His newfound softness brought you peace. 

"Can I hug you?" The Thai murmurs, eyes never leaving yours.

"Yes, you can."

His arms wrap around your waist gently, doing everything to keep you from moving too much, afraid of hurting you. That made your tears fall inconsolable. You feel Alex's hands caressing your back, they are so gentle.

"Here, put this on the bruise," he says as he pulls away, extending you an ice pack.

"Thank you."

After that, there are twenty minutes of comfortable silence. You notice the music playing in the background, soft and relaxing, lo-fi, most likely.

Alex guides you to the bathroom, letting you shower away the anxiety. He even offers you a t-shirt and pajama bottoms that are just a little too big on you, but nothing wild. He brings snacks for both of you, giving you a sandwich and more water; you make a mental note of inviting him for dinner one day.

"Do you want," Alex says, breaking the silence "I, It doesn't matter."

"Alex," You call, sitting next to him, with your head almost falling on his shoulder. "It’s okay, you can ask."

“It's not what you think, I,” he smiled, “I just want to know if you want to cuddle for a while? Not in my bed, if that’s weird, but I can bring some blankets and pillows, it would be comfortable. I don’t think it would be weird, is it weird to you? We literally live together, you know, Williams. Agh! You know what I mean."

Your body moving closer to his silences his blabbering, your head resting on his chest, legs almost in his lap, a smile in your face. Alex puts an arm around you.

"Yes, that’s okay, really," you muttered. "And sorry."

"Don't apologize for coming, everything is fine I,"

“I mean how I've treated you,” you say and he makes a big ‘O’ with his mouth, then frowns. Is he confused? "I feel like I've been cold."

Alex smiles. "Honestly? I feel like it's just on race weekends, and I know why."

Now you smile. A grateful smile. No one had ever understood or tried to. You feel tears running down once again, this time of overwhelming gratitude. Alex kisses your temple. 

“You are okay, love, safe and sound, I promise”

[phoenixblaze1412]

Webttore relationship Hcs ?? i am normal i am normal (lying) - 🐓

I too am normal (lying) when it comes to Webttore anon^^

Webttore is the one who confessed to you first... rather gruesomely.

He just held out a still-beating heart towards you before exclaiming that his heart belongs to you. You held the organ in your hands, blood dripping down your fingers as you stared at him in surprise.

He reassured you that it wasn't his heart. You pitied the poor soul that he had to gut out just to grab the organ before giving it to you. But since it's Webttore, you were used to his crazy experiments. Surprisingly, you liked him as well and reciprocated his feelings.

You were immediately promoted as his personal assistant instead of being the harbingers' secretary, he would prefer to have you by his side.

He made you do a blood pact with him to make sure you don't even try to leave him.

He also may have a vial of your blood hanging somewhere in his outfit as if it was a vision. Don't worry though, he gave you his blood as well and you're currently wearing that blood-filled vial as an earring like him.

He would even proudly show you off to the others that you're his partner, he would always have a hand either on your waist or holding your own.

This man has no shame whatsoever. He isn't embarrassed to kiss you in front of others. He would even nip at your neck before sticking his tongue out to anyone who would be watching.

Whenever he is tired, he would be found sleeping on the couch, a book he was reading earlier was covering his face instead of his mask. But now with you by his side, he will just up and drag you to the couch, cuddle you and sleep with his head buried in your neck.

He would push you out of the laboratory whenever he and his segments would be experimenting on a human test subject. He already knows your tolerance for the sight and scent of blood but he wouldn't want you to see him have fun with the subject's viscera. He may be a mad scientist but he has a reputation to uphold as a gentleman towards his lover.

You know how he would always be stressed out whenever his experiments either failed or lacked the materials so congratulations! You get to be his stress-reliever!

There's one action that Dottore will do to you relieve his stress. Squish you.

But where? He has two things he likes to grab and squish.

Your cheeks and ass.

Whenever he would be stressed due to annoyance, he would be squishing your cheeks and rant to you how useless the people working for him are. He would later laugh at you when you told him your cheeks were aching from how he kept squishing and pulling at it.

Then there are those times where he would be quiet and stare off into space as he thinks on how to solve the problems in his experiments, how fortunate that you were there beside him and arranging some documents. His hand would subconsciously grab your ass and squish and grope. Hearing the noises you would make because of his actions actually helps him focus and think straight. He would do it a lot.

Dottore is a biter. He likes biting and nipping at your flesh whenever the two of you were alone. He liked how you would whimper under his hold, all the bite marks he left on your neck trailing down your shoulders would leave him grinning. Your pain is his pleasure but he wouldn't do anything very painful that would leave you to die in his arms, he wouldn't want that.

Under all his crazy and silly antics, Dottore is insecure.

There would be times where he would be staring at the corner and wondering if you would ever leave him for someone else if he wasn't a psycho.

Reassurance is the key to help Dottore.

Always make sure to remind him that you love him for who he is. Shower him in your affections until he's drowning in your love, figuratively. He'll be like a cat, nuzzling into you and just holding onto you tightly as if he were afraid you would disappear if he let you go.

His love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation.

He also gets jealous easily. If he sees someone, man or woman, even placing a hand on you, he would be pulling you away from that person before giving them one of those grins that he does whenever he's about to experiment on someone and telling them to 'kindly fuck off'.

"Honestly, darling.. have you even noticed the way they were looking at you? I'll make sure to remember their face and make them my next test subject!"

He immediately stopped ranting when you gave him a kiss on his cheek. His face turning a shade of red as he looked away for a moment before looking back at you with a scowl.

"Are you being serious? That wasn't even considered a kiss!"

He would immediately pull you inside his laboratory before pinning you to a wall and pressing his lips against yours.

[cupofadonis]

Wow, it's been a while since I drew something based on Sonic the Hedgehog!...

Well, well, I tried my hand at the Sonic Ova style a little, and I liked it!!

Honestly, the world of Sonic Ova - Planet Freedom is for me the most beautiful, interesting and canon place, and I am very sad that this world did not and never received its continuation...

This whole story with Sonic living on Mobius or Planet Earth is some kind of nonsense to me, because when I see cultural inconsistencies in the Sonic canon (which does not exist?? wtf-) I feel almost physically ill. A lot of characters were lost, deleted despite games and comics.

Eggman as a character stands still, and Sonic's world is not even clearly divided into which states...

Sonic's Ova revealed its potential for me in one film - What happened to the people in the new territory of "Dark Eggman"? Was it the apocalypse? How long ago did this happen? Is this why people moved to the fly islands? Why did people acquire animal features (For example, Sarah's cat ears and tail)? Is this due to the merger with the "Mobians"? Were there anthropomorphic animals before the apocalypse, or are they a consequence of it? Maybe the reason?

What about Sonic and Tails' house? Damn, did you see this COOL DESTROYED PLANE?!? Now remember Tails' house from IDW comics, which is just a damn joke

I can't love the damn Black Doom saga enough because it feels like a cheap Metarex parody. The only good thing Black Doom brought was the character Eclipse from Archie Comics -...Oh yeah, he doesn't exist anymore either. Like Cosmo.

Sally was a typical good character from the 97's who could stand up to the mouse from Chip 'n' Dale, but due to the company's negligence we have no SatAm ending, some kind of porn parody in Archie from Penderson, #Rally4Sally

No Sonic Ova, no completed Sonic Multiverse, there is no properly explained story of Silver, Blaze and Elise from Sonic 2006.

What about the fact that it was Sonic who was the Ultimate Life Form in the plot of SA2? What? Don't remember this? But what about the blue flask that fell to Earth and was considered lost? I congratulate you on the bad narrative of the SA1 and SA2 game series, friends...

Sonic Ova and SA1-2 feels like the only correct versions, it pains me to see how Sonic’s character is now changing for a new audience and the psychopathic egoist and narcissist Sonic turns into a sweet and shy hero, although even taking into account the seemingly terrible and negative qualities, Sonic was a hero...

Changes have always been and will be, this is normal, I don’t want to shout that it was better before and the grass is greener, but for me the canon is only Sonic Ova vision, and I would like to add this vision for myself in my Sonic Ova AU. I think it would be fun. Just for me and my auditory...

So ... What do you think about all of this?

[katelynnwrites]

Maybe prompt 3 with Feli please?

illicit affairs. (prompts 3 & 13, felicitas rauch)

it doesn’t cross your mind how much you’ve hurt feli till you see her after the game.

she steers clear of you when you and your fellow teammates walk around the pitch, thanking the fans.

sara has her arm around her friend and shoots you a nasty glare when you try to approach them.

it’s enough of a warning that you relent for the moment, waiting in the tunnel for your girlfriend.

she must have known you would be there because she drags it out, taking a long time to leave the pitch.

the brunette is the last one in and she tries to brush past you.

‘liebling.’ you try pleadingly but she shakes her head, keeping her eyes downcast.

‘don’t.’

‘felicitas please. i’m sorry.’

‘no you’re not. don’t lie to me. you’ve done it over and over and i know you don’t plan on stopping.’

‘feli come on. that’s not fair.’

you reach for her hand but she snatches it away, taking several steps away from you.

‘isn’t it? it’s not a secret that i love you. don’t act like it is.’

you flinch but your girlfriend presses on, ‘i love you and you refuse to let me show it. it’s killing me inside. i’m not asking to kiss you in public but can you at least let me be proud of you?’

she’s crying now and sounds completely defeated when she mumbles, ‘i cannot change my feelings for you, believe me i fucking tried. it’s hard to love you when you don’t allow me to.’

‘feli…’ you breathe.

you never thought that your actions would make her deliberately try to get rid of her love for you. it doubles your guilt and the hurt you feel is unimaginable.

you wonder if that’s how the defender has been feeling all along.

‘all i wanted was to celebrate your goal with you, to hug you and congratulate you but you can’t even give me that.’

‘feli i am sorry. please i’m sorry i swear.’ you beg.

‘are you? because i can’t keep pretending it doesn’t cause me pain every time you intentionally push me aside in favour of our other teammates.’

you open your mouth but felicitas cuts you off, ‘sorry doesn’t fix the way you drop my hand as soon as we’re around cameras or how you barely acknowledge me during open trainings. you couldn’t even look at me the last time we did a pre match press conference together. your sorry can’t erase how i felt after that.

the brunette finally looks up at you and it strikes you precisely how exhausted she looks. it’s not physical exhaustion from the ninety minutes played but rather emotional exhaustion.

you hate that you are the one who has done this to her.

her tone is one of finality when she exclaims, ‘you say you love me but i don’t feel loved! i’m only your girlfriend in private and that’s not enough for me. this isn’t the kind of relationship i envisioned us having when we got together. it’s not the sort of relationship that i can live with anymore.’

‘are you…are you wanting us to break up?’ you hesitantly ask, fear already building in you.

feli squeezes her eyes shut for a moment.

‘no. but we’re going to have to if you can’t be different.’

you exhale shakily. maybe your relationship could still be saved after all.

‘felicitas it was never intentional on my part. i just wanted us to have some privacy away from the fans. i love you and i really am sorry for much i’ve hurt you.’

‘i know.’ the fullback nods and she doesn’t back away when you cautiously reach out to take her hand.

‘how public do you want us to be?’

feli runs her thumb over your palm as she thinks.

‘as long as it’s more than what we are now? as much as you’re comfortable with.’ she decides.

your girlfriend’s thoughtfulness and care for you catches you off balance.

you’ve been consistently hurting her and yet here she is thinking about you first. what you have done to deserve her, you’ll never know.

but you will try your best to be worthy of her.

tugging on her hand, you lead her back into the locker room and ignoring all your teammates, make straight for your cubby.

taking out your phone and unlocking it, you hand it over to your girlfriend who receives it with a very confused expression.

‘pick your favourite photo of us.’

feli eyes you in question but does as you ask.

she’s quick about it, going straight to your favourites album and choosing one from a few months ago.

you’re sitting in between her legs and feli has your head cradled in her hands. she’s pressing the sweetest of kisses onto your lips. cinny is in your lap, the brown poodle fast asleep.

you remember the moment well, it’s in your favourites album for a reason. it seems like the moment stuck in the defender’s mind as well.

when felicitas passes you your phone back, it’s easy work for you to post it onto your instagram, captioning it with a simple red heart emoji.

you give your phone back to her, your post displayed on the screen.

‘there. i don’t want you to have to hide how you feel for me because i’ve never meant to hide how i feel about you. i love you and now the whole world knows it.’

your girlfriend is speechless and you bounce on your toes anxiously as you wait for her response.

eventually she smiles widely, pulling you close by placing her hands delicately on your waist.

‘thank you liebling.’ she whispers.

‘don’t thank me. i should have done this a long time ago.’ you answer.

feli simply kisses you lightly in response.

[the-west-meadow]

Omg literally anything w roman but if u have slots open can u do the ‘did u miss me’ prompt i’ll do anything…

god I love writing fucked-up relationship scenarios with Roman. enjoy xo

Roman Roy x Reader

prompt: did you miss me?

The days seemed longer without him. Wandering your empty townhouse, you watched the sky change from morning to dusk, whiling away the hours. There had been no word from Roman since he left for Stockholm to meet Matsson. An urgent mission, so he said. Dispatched by his father, the dutiful son went out to fulfill his task. It sounded almost romantic.

At night you lay atop your bed, remembering him. Roman kept himself locked away, so much of him inaccessible to you. In a way, you preferred it that way. There was less risk involved, fewer feelings to hurt. The word ‘love’ never came up, there was no sense of attachment or obligation. Both of you were essentially free, yet you still felt as if he was holding something back. Something dark and inexplicable.

You came home one late afternoon to find him waiting for you on your sofa. Somehow it didn’t surprise you. But it was your own reaction that caught you off guard. Seeing him there, your heart swelled almost painfully. Roman was back. The endless energy, the flippant remarks, the explicit banter. He looked across the room at you with eyes that hinted something had happened which he had already locked away.

“I broke in,” he said. “Did you know I could do that?”

You set a bag of groceries on the counter.

“I’m not surprised,” you said, shrugging off your coat. “How was Stockholm?”

“Broad questions make me deeply uncomfortable. How am I supposed to answer that? Why are you lingering in the kitchen?”

You stepped into the living room, sitting down in the chair adjacent to him. He spread his arm across the back of the sofa and looked at you. His gaze was distant, unreadable. 

“So,” he said.

“So.”

“I got Lukas to make the deal.”

“Wow. How did you do that?”

“Oh, you know. Just did what I had to do.”

The sun was sinking and a heavy blue darkness crept across the room. Roman kept his eyes fixed on you. You swallowed hard. 

“Well. Congratulations. Your dad will be happy.”

“I don’t think he's familiar with that emotion. But thanks.”

He stood up, slowly circling around to the back of the sofa. He leaned on both elbows and continued to gaze at you.

“What did you do with yourself without me?” he asked.

“I lost track. You were gone a long time.”

“It takes time to woo these obstinate fucks. Lukas is a real mental case. I mean, if you think I’m nuts…”

Watching him, you could feel an invisible force threatening to pull your heart in two. 

“But I caught him in his element. He really came alive in the frigid northern wastelands.”

His tone was light as always, but there was something pained in his expression. 

“Oh, there’s something I was wondering, though…” he went on.

“What?”

Roman's gaze wavered slightly.

“Did you miss me?”

His voice was soft, barely breaking the silence. Yet it cut through you like the sharp tolling of a bell. Your heart lurched and you almost leapt towards him. When you spoke, it was in a broken whisper.

“Of course I missed you, you fucking idiot.”

He clenched the back of the sofa with his fists, head down. 

“Oh,” he said weakly.

“You didn’t think I would?”

You watched as he climbed slowly over the back of the sofa and settled into a ball with his knees drawn in.

“Not after what I did,” he said. “What my dad made me do.”

You rose and went slowly to the sofa, sitting down beside him. He wouldn’t look at you.

“I don’t care what you did, Roman. You live in a world unknown to me. I let you live there. I don’t ask questions. But yes, I fucking miss you when you’re gone. I didn’t realize how much I would.”

“I missed you too,” he murmured. “It actually hurt. I was in physical pain. So fuck you for that.”

He glanced at you. You met each other’s eyes hesitantly. 

“I hate feeling things,” he said. “Look what you’ve done to me.”

“I didn’t want this, either.” 

Roman gave a weak laugh. “Well, that’s nice of you to say.”

“Roman, what happened between you and Lukas?”

“I don’t think you want to hear that.”

“I kind of do.”

“You’re such a fucking masochist. I’m not telling you.”

You stared at each other in the growing darkness.

“But you’re okay?” you asked hesitantly.

“I’m fine. Seriously. I know how to handle myself.”

“Well, I don’t know how to handle you.”

A smile flickered across his face. He leaned towards you, placed his hand on the back of your head, and kissed you on the forehead. A long, lingering gesture that made your heart skip. He pulled back and his eyes glittered with a soft smile.

“You don’t have to. Just enjoy the fucked up rollercoaster ride that is Roman Roy.”

[itgomyway]

there is nothing to do, there’s nothing but you 🍥

i keep seeing people relate non dualism back to cause and effect. you do “x” to get “y”. how am i suppose to get this. how am i suppose to be aware of that. how am i suppose to be. and im afraid you got non dualism all wrong. because its just you.

everything is consciousness. you are consciousness. that is it. thats all. theres no physical world theres no imagination theres no 3d theres no 4d theres no infinite realities, there is no getting, there is no pleasure, there is no pain. it is just you.

that not making any sense? that’s okay. its not going to. you already know this. as consciousness being and everything you are knowledge itself. any concept of source or learning comes directly from you. your “self” already knows this. its your ego, the false sense of “self” getting in the way. its just you.

so then how do things exist? like time, what you see, money, other people, food, desires? they dont. theyre not real. none of that is real. why? because only consciousness is real. they appear to exist “physically” because you are aware of them presenting that way. its just you.

meaning doesn’t come first. you come first. you are the only thing that exist. and as existence you give existing things its meaning after they come to your awareness.

whatever you are aware of is what the human body experiences because you are a being of consciousness experiencing the human condition. you are not human though, you are consciousness. consciousness is the only thing that exist therefore its the only real thing. its just you.

this is why there is no separation. you as the conscious observer experiencing the human condition are conditioned into believing whatever the body experiences (your 5 senses) is real. its not. you are more than the body. you have control over what you experience due to your awareness. its just you

understanding that you are not actually human you are a being of consciousness playing the game known as life, you can transcend needing to feel validated by what you experience physically. the “3d” doesnt validate at all. its what i am most used to but as consciousness i know what i am. its just u

now let me be clear. the 3d doesnt exist validate me because i am a being of consciousness. however my ego, the false sense of self where my thoughts doubts and fears reside does get validation from “physical experiences” it doesn’t understand its not just experiencing it physically. the ego, like ur inner child, cannot comprehend that its not actually human, in control, or real. as soon as it tries, the human condition jumps in and brings up the thoughts doubts and fears. thats okay because thats its job. your job as the observer is to not react because you know its just you

the ego may be scared of rejection and thats fine. the ego isnt in control so let it throw its temper tantrum. let it cry, scream and shout. you would also let it be happy and carefree right? why is one emotion worse than the other if neither are real in the first place? its just you

with all of this, the main point is that it is you. thats all there is. nothing to understand because you already know you exist. nothing to get because you’re everything. nothing to “try” to be because you already are. its just you.

“how do i get-“

“how do i experience-”

“how do i become-“

“how do i be?“

its just you. you are. you got it you experienced it you became it so now be it. congratulations! its done!

© itgomyway

[celestialholz]

The Resurrectionist (or 'Crowley's dying briefly because character-building, and here's why')

I should start off by saying, friends, that I have written exactly zero books. (Bloody lot of fanfiction, but no actual novels). And I like coffee, but not particularly with oat milk. (The poison's metaphorical, not physical), but... well, you guys can keep both of 'em, because they're just not relevant to this conversation. I am also, as you may have already guessed, not Neil Gaiman. A chick can only speculate, but she does like to back it up with actual evidence.

No, I'm simply here to ask you a question.

What's the single worst thing Heaven could ever do to Aziraphale?

What would drive our angel so far from the clutches of Heaven that he would never, ever wish to return? What would set him unequivocally free from six millenia of assumed responsibility; what would make him realise that God can never change? What would strip everything away from him?

Because of course, this is what we have to do next series. This is Aziraphale's whole arc. If he doesn't try and change things and fail, he will always wonder. Always have a 'what if.' Will never be able to truly move on, will never be free from the eternal abuse cycle.

And so the severing has to be monumental, and everlasting. Then we get our happy ending. Storytelling, loves, done flawlessly. (Again, not a novelist... just a girl who's been writing for over half of her lifetime.)

And so, I ask again:

What's the single worst thing Heaven could ever do to Aziraphale?

And, well, it's a manifold question isn't it, with lots of potential ans - no I'm just kidding. Very simple question, very simple answer.

So congratulations to the very likely hundreds of you who have just said 'murder Crowley,' because a. you're very much correct and b. we've all just predicted the end of series three.

(... I mean, probably not the very end. But the emotional crux, definitely.)

And naturally, I'm not talking discorporation. I'm talking 'wiped from the universe altogether, leaving our angel eternally alone' kinda murder. The real shit. The good shit. Never mind any of this 'editing the Book of Life leading to an ineffable paradox' kinda bullshit - this is Heaven, the natural source point of holy water. One miracled Supersoaker and our demon's ancient history, friends.

Because y'see guys, severing Aziraphale's connection isn't the only problem we face in terms of narrative romance. We've also got Crowley, who has spent six millennia being in love with a guy who just takes, takes, takes... him for granted.

And this is NOT to say that Aziraphale gives him nothing back - he so very clearly does. (I am a consummate Aziraphale apologist, Crowley's just as much of a fool post-series two as our angel is, and Aziraphale needs this, as I've mentioned.) But... Crowley is his teacher. His moral guide. His protector. It mostly goes one way, and despite all of that and him being happy to be that guy for all this time... right when it matters most, Aziraphale (to Crowley, at least) has abandoned him. He's told him he isn't good enough.

(... Which is bollocks. That's not what Aziraphale's said at all, they're both as overprotective as each other and have a desperate, painful longing to keep one another safe in their own best way. But it sure fucking looks like it to CROWLEY, which is what matters.)

And so, we have two issues in achieving our happy-ever-after.

Sundering Aziraphale from Heaven forever;

Ensuring Crowley trusts him fully and knows completely that he is Aziraphale's only choice.

(And also by GOD do they need to have a proper conversation, but that one kinda goes without saying. It'll happen.) We have to even up this relationship; we have to make it absolute narrative equilibrium, and I am absolutely sure Neil knows this probably far better than I do.

... And so, how do we achieve both these things in one hit, whilst also telling a Second Coming story and holding a celestial war?

Well, we kill Crowley. Obviously. Not until episode five or six and after an emotional, romantic reunion of mutual understanding, but... we kill Crowley.

... And then Aziraphale brings him back. Yes, from complete death.

I would like at this juncture to remind you that miracles, apparently (and this is a thing we've just learned guys, almost like it's suddenly going to be relevant ongoing) are measured in Lazarii.

(Great thanks to the Aziraphale to my Crowley, @porgthespacepenguin, for these few screenshots I'm showing off here today. You'd never leave me, not even for my own good. <3)

Lazarii is very obviously named after Jesus' apparently greatest miracle, of raising Lazarus from the dead in the book of John. They managed to achieve twenty-five times the necessary amount of energy it takes to bring someone back from death... without actually fucking trying.

Let's take a look at the book of John a sec. Or more specifically, its eleventh chapter and twenty-fifth verse.

Jesus told her, "I am the resurrection and the life. The person who believes in me, even though he dies, will live."

My thanks to Neil once again for murdering me like Heaven's going to murder Crowley. Cold blood, point-blank.

'Who believes in me.' Huh. Only for the past six thousand years, Aziraphale dear...

Here's a little of what the internet has to say about the number 25 in numerology, by the way.

And may I also remind you at this stage that there is a pub in this series called The Resurrectionist, and only Aziraphale goes into it.

I mean sure, Crowley's booksitting and trying to make the ladies hilariously like him and Aziraphale fall in love in the same way he himself did, but the fact remains... one relevant pub name. One guy. (We all need a narrative excuse sometimes Neil, I get you.)

Considering all this, friends, let me ask you another question. This one's a little more wordy, that's on me.

What do you think would happen when a being capable of raising someone from the dead twelve and a half times over for the sake of his beloved's protection loses said beloved beyond all doubt?

... And this will be after he gains the ultimate celestial power-up, by the way. In case we'd forgotten that that alone is also about to boost Aziraphale to the fucking stratosphere, and finally put him on an equal footing with Crowley. (Who is clearly an ex-archangel, but not Lucifer, so Neil's since said.)

... And I think we know the answer, don't we? The kind of miracle that

(You can't see me, but I'm staring into the camera like I'm one of The Office main cast right now.)

This is the kind of power that fucks with reality - the kind of power that scares Heaven and Hell to absolute death, hence Metatron being in the DMs. And crucially, this miracle was boosted because of love. Because of a desire to keep the status quo, their 'own side'. You amplify both those conditions to the nth degree by destroying one of them? It's over, lads. Resurrection is the beginning.

Resurrection evens up a playing field. It destroys Aziraphale and renews him in one hit; it proves to Crowley once and for all that Aziraphale loves him exactly as he is.

... It's a no-brainer, pals.

And what do they do after this? Well, fuck up the celestial order, naturally. I have theories, the main one of them being that they're going to be God and Satan respectively and unite Heaven and Hell in eternal marriage, but... that's just a theory. A television theory.

The resurrection thing? Not so much.

... See, this is the thing, my friends. You don't need to have written a 16k essay to predict the future.

All you need is the ability to tell a story, an observant eye for that which is already present, and a simple question. (Followed by a mildly more complex one. It's a working allegory.)

... I'm just going to leave you with this one shot of Aziraphale picking up his own destiny. Because poetic cinema.

[alastor-the-virgin]

Alastor sits in a dimly lit corner of the doctor's office, fingers drumming irritably on the armrest as he waits for his results. He expected a quick bandage-up, a bit of pain relief, and a nod of approval to go about his usual routine. But instead, he stares incredulously at the doctor, who has just dropped a bombshell.

Doctor: *nervously adjusting his collar* Well, um… Mr. Alastor… congratulations. You’re, uh… you’re… pregnant.

The room falls silent, and Alastor's mouth curls slowly into a frozen smile as he processes the absurdity of what he's just heard.

Alastor: *incredulous before he begins laughing* Oh, I must have misheard, doctor, because it sounded like you said I was… pregnant.

Doctor: *stammering* Uh… n-no, that’s exactly what I said, sir. All the signs are there. It’s, um… definite.

Alastor’s fingers twitch, and his shadow flickers on the wall, starting to take on a life of its own as his mind races through every possible explanation. It makes no sense. None. At. All.

Alastor: "Now listen here, doc. I think there must be a mistake. You see… I am a virgin. You understand what that means, don’t you? No late-night encounters, no rendezvous, no physical anything. Not to mention I’m a sinner. Sinners do not get pregnant. So please, tell me: how could I possibly be pregnant?

The doctor shifts uncomfortably, clearly out of his depth.

Doctor: Well, sir… it is Hell, after all. Stranger things have happened. Could be some form of… paranormal conception, or… perhaps you’re experiencing the aftereffects of that, uh… angelic attack on your hotel?

Alastor’s eyes narrow, his usually calm and collected demeanor slipping for just a moment. A child… he’d had no intentions of ever… but here he is, with the impossible staring him right in the face.

Alastor: *chuckling darkly* Oh, splendid. Absolutely splendid. Not only did they nearly destroy my hotel, but they left me with this… souvenir.

He stands, adjusting his jacket and forcing his usual grin back into place.

Alastor: Very well. Thank you for your… services, doctor. I’ll be… figuring out the rest on my own.

[cacoetheswriting]

celebrity skin. (part five)

pairing: rockstar!eddie munson x popstar!fem!reader word count: 4.6k summary: a party from hell.

content warnings: 18+, minors dni: suggestive & mature themes, adult language, use of pet names, mentions of recreational alcohol & drug consumption, emotional hurt / no comfort in this chapter (sorry, she's a little angsty), blackmail, family drama, mentions of minor character death — if i missed anything, pls let me know!

& psa: images used in the header don’t depict readers physical attributes! these are also described vaguely in the story, only that she’s a little shorter than eddie.

celebrity skin. masterlist

The venue is filled wall to wall with people, half of whom you have not met before this night. They’re swaying to the loud music, talking over one another, and indulging in various colourful drinks from the open bar.

Sitting on a sofa in the corner of the large space, you’re watching the night unfold in front of your eyes. There’s a drink in your hand, a cranberry vodka, however, you haven’t touched it yet. Instead, the ice has long melted, causing lone droplets of water to drip down your arm.

A harsh scent of alcohol fills the air. It gets stronger every time a party attendee sits next to you, congratulating you on an incredible single with the band they never thought you’d ever play with. You go with the flow, the politeness you’ve been taught from a young age showing its wings, and thank each person that engages with you for coming tonight.

They ask how this all came about, you on a song with Corroded Coffin. A collaboration for the ages. 

You answer honestly, to the best of your knowledge. “The powers that be organised everything”, and the person you’re speaking with laughs at your answer. Then they ask about a topic much hotter than the new record — your relationship with Eddie Munson.

The second the curly-haired rockstar is mentioned, a smile breaches your lips.

“That’s between me and him, for now.”

Which doesn’t stop anyone from trying to invade your privacy further. Wondering, out loud and with no shame, if what they’re reading in the tabloids is true. Is it just for show, or is it real? And then it goes one of two ways:

“Hope I’m invited to the wedding. It’s shaping up to be quite the party.”

“At least you’ll make a lot of money from this arrangement.”

Not one person wishes you well. Not one person says they’re happy for you, or for the Corroded Coffin frontman. It obviously makes you wonder why because you look happy… right? Why is your relationship such a big deal if you’re clearly happy? 

Don’t you look happy?

But then, in between those conversations, your gaze finds Eddie with ease. His own brown eyes land on you every single time, without fail, as if there was some sort of magnetic pull between the two of you. He smiles wide, shooting you a casual wink from wherever he’s standing at the time.

And so, you force the treacherous thoughts deep, deep down. Squish them until they’re miniscule and a problem for later — which in retrospect, not a good idea — ‘cause right this moment in time, you’re definitely happy.

Eddie makes you happy.

You’re also just glad to see the rockstar is having fun, considering how reluctant he was to leave the comfort of his own home. He’s mingling and laughing. A pep in his step as he orders another drink. After all, parties are his element.

“God, my poor fucking feet hurt so much,” Holly sighs, dropping down next to you with an elegant bounce. “I honestly don’t know how you can perform in heels for multiple nights in a row when I can’t even make it through a couple of measly hours.”

You laugh. “No pain, no gain.”

“Okay, Magic Johnson.” Holly snorts while playfully rolling her eyes.

“Actually, I’d prefer to be Patrick Ewing,” you correct her, it’s a tease with a slight dramatic flare, “‘Cause who am I if not a New York Knicks fan.”

The giggle that escapes your friend is infectious. In between the lighthearted chuckles, she does her best not to spill the fruity drink in her hand, pressing the glass to her lips and taking a sip. She relaxes into the sofa, legs now extended outwards, a hazard to anyone walking by.

“Speaking of New York, when are you taking the rockstar to meet your parents?” Holly probes, brow raised.

“Oh god,” you dramatise in response, “That’s like a super serious thing, no? I don’t think we’re there yet.”

But Holly doesn’t give up as easily, seeing right through the front you didn’t even realise you were putting up. As your best friend, she knows you better than anyone. That includes moments like these, when you’re minimising feelings out of fear.

“Babe, be for real. He has already met your grandma and she’s arguably a lot more important than your parents.” Holly states, taking another quick sip of her cocktail. “No offence to Alicia and Brad, but we all know your family is ruled by the little lady who already hates your boyfriend.”

You sigh. She’s obviously right.

“So, what’s the real reason you don’t wanna take him home?”

Glancing over at Eddie, who’s lost in conversation with the producers of your record, you suck your bottom lip between your teeth, wondering what to say to her. “Because I’m scared it’s all moving too fast,” would be an appropriate answer to the question, but then again that’s not entirely true.

Holly nudges your arm and you turn your attention back to her immediately.

“I’ve just been really happy in our little bubble these last few months and I’m afraid if we venture further out into the real world, we’ll lose that feeling.”

Raw, honest. It’s a scary thing to say, but Holly doesn’t judge. She never does. Instead, her arm makes way around your shoulders and she squeezes you lightly when your head rests against her skin.

“With the way the two of you look at one another, I bet my sanity that you’ll be together for a very long time.”

And you hope she’s right.

Eddie walks up to where you’re sitting shortly after, politely asking your friend if he could steal a moment alone with you. Holly of course agrees, saying something about finding Jeff ‘cause he looks mighty fine tonight and she’s a little buzzed, “If you know, you know.”. You watch with a smile as she disappears between the dancing bodies while Eddie sits in the now empty spot, casually placing a hand on your thigh.

“Having fun?”

“I am,” you answer and lean in closer to place a tender kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Even more now.”

He smirks at you. “I’m glad, baby.”

“Seems you are too.”

“I am.” Eddie nods, free hand now holding your jaw, as he leans in to capture your lips with his own.

The kiss is short and sweet, but like everything you and the rockstar do, it attracts attention from pretty much everyone in the room. A click of the camera, a flash of light. But neither of you care. Looking instead into each other’s eyes once you pull apart, as if you’re the only people at this party. 

Even though putting a label on things wasn’t entirely necessary, it definitely cemented whatever feelings are floating within your core. And Eddie feels the same way. He actually feels a lot more than he’s willing to admit out loud. Partially because he’s always battled commitment issues, mainly because he’s really afraid of losing you. 

Again.

-

Eddie Munson loved a good party.

This wasn’t always the case, since during his teenage years he was often excluded from every single guest list. Then he started dealing. Suddenly, the metalhead was a hot ticket, and even though people still didn’t care for his company, they liked the stuff he brought. And he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like the attention — as fake as it may have been.

Once Corroded Coffin made it big, and Eddie realised that people actually wanted to party with him for who he was, and not the drugs he had access too, (although, for some, it was a little bit of both), the rockstar decided he was going to throw the best damn parties Hollywood has ever seen.

It quickly became second nature. Make money, then spend it just as fast so other people can have a good time.

When the drinking, and other activities, got a little out of control, the guys tried to talk some sense into their friend with a little tough love: “Dude, those people don’t give a fuck about you! They only wanna hang out with you, ‘cause you’re rich.”. But Eddie was too far gone and he didn’t care to stop. His house was full of people every single weekend, most of whom he knew, and for the first time in his miserable life, the rockstar felt like the most important person on the goddamn planet. There was no way he was letting go of that feeling.

Then August ‘92 happened.

The evening started off as nothing special. Just another pool party to combat the unbearable Los Angeles heat. It was a common occurrence during the summer months, so Eddie didn’t think that night was going to be any different.

Surrounded by a group of girls that undoubtedly only want to get in his pants, he’s laughing at the unfunny jokes and taking advantage of the fact that he doesn’t need to refill his own drinks, the “groupies”, as Marianne calls them, gladly do it for him. 

They’re brushing up against him and flirting with no shame while batting their lashes. Eddie usually eats this shit up. Matter of fact, he should be loving every second of it right now, but his focus has long shifted elsewhere, the girls a mere distraction from the actual object of his attention and desire.

From the corner of his eye, he’s watching you.

Jesus Christ. Eddie can’t believe you came. He can’t believe you’re actually here, at his house, seemingly enjoying yourself. And to say you looked fucking hot would be the understatement of a century. Splayed out on one of the lounge chairs, hiding from the sun, you’re wearing a white cotton blouse and skimpy denim shorts, and Eddie aches for his current conversation to be over so he can go and officially introduce himself to you — like he should have at the Grammys.

“Eds, do you want another drink?”

He barely registers the question, even with the girl who has her hand on his bare bicep, rubbing up and down rather seductively. Instead, the rockstar notices how you stand up and look around the party once, before walking in the direction of his big house. So Eddie thinks that now’s his chance, perhaps the only one he’d get, and following a quick internal monologue to pep himself up, he leaves the group of ladies disappointed, following you inside.

That was almost the last party Eddie threw.

You flipped this switch inside of him, one the rockstar didn’t even know existed. After that night, he no longer wanted attention from just anyone. Taking centre stage in his mind — and heart — was America’s favourite sweetheart. Even when he royally fucked things up, he only thought about you.

Though for a number of lonesome weeks, he wasn’t sure you were thinking about him since his actions proved nothing more than borderline douchey. So Eddie fell back into self-destructive behaviour just as fast as he scrambled out of it. The parties got louder, he became more obnoxious.

September 1992. Saturday Night Live.

That will be a night his band, his management, his friends, and even his fans, will never let Eddie forget. Unfortunately, for all the wrong reasons.

The drinks pre-show were free and Eddie had a mountain of feelings he desperately needed to get over, along with memories he wanted to bury deep, until they were nothing but specs of dust, flashes that didn’t resemble anything — especially not you.

He did his best not to slur his words during the live performance, and for the most part, he succeeded. Although that didn’t really matter since anyone in the rockstar's vicinity could clearly tell he was intoxicated. Eddie, leaning half his weight on the microphone, round sunglasses covering his bloodshot eyes, should have never been allowed to set foot on the stage that night.

Let alone twice.

Under the dim stage light, as they hoped to conclude their last song without a major incident, Eddie’s band mates were exchanging worried glances. The Corroded Coffin frontman had a couple more drinks in between sets and was barely able to follow along with the music.

Thankfully, behind the scenes, Marianne convinced production to shift the cameras away from unravelling Eddie, even switched off his microphone, and the only people left witness to his drunken mess were the folks present physically.

Eddie on the other hand couldn’t have cared less about how he was behaving since the alcohol didn’t numb him like he hoped, instead the thought of you being somewhere in the same city, overpowered his senses. Would it be crazy to hope you were watching? Would it be crazy to think that despite how rudely he treated you, you’d still show up like you both talked about?

Would it be crazy to try and find you? Search New York, high and low, in hopes that someone knows someone, who knows someone else, that knows where you live?

Instead, against his better judgement and everyone else’s rather aggressive protests, Eddie goes to the after party planned in his name.

Unsurprisingly, you didn’t come.

His black out was imminent.

The damages done to the restaurant came to just under five thousand dollars. The stress from keeping it out of the press robbed his team about two years of their life, so Marianne says.

And that was the last party Eddie threw. 

Considering how out of control things had gotten, how out of control he had become at some point during the night while thinking about you with every drink that burned down his throat, it could’ve been a lot worse.

Eddie still only thinks about you. Difference being, now, almost a year later, you are attending a party together, and the alcohol no longer tastes like regret.

When he looks at you, like he is right now, under the fluorescent club lights, his heart increases tenfold. He wants to kiss every inch of your face, hold you close because that’s where you belong. 

Things simply got better because he owned up to his mistakes and learned to open himself up to love, as scary as that feeling is sometimes. He’s not second guessing your intentions, because that would be cruel. He just loses himself in his doubts sometimes, since in the past, no pretty girl has given him the time of day without wanting something in return.

“I can’t believe you’re mine,” Eddie whispers against your lips, thumb gently grazing along your cheekbone. He proceeds to tell you how you make life a little more normal, and he’s grateful for it, despite always wanting fame. You tell him how attention is nothing if it doesn’t come from the right person, and he agrees, brown locks bouncing as he nods his head. Then he kisses you again.

And this kiss is arguably a lot more urgent than the last. Eddie is hovering over you entirely. One hand remains holding onto your face, while the other is on your waist, pushing you deeper into the sofa.

You can hear another click of a camera in the distance and despite your better judgement, that voice in the back of your mind, closely reminiscent of your Nana’s, telling you to push your boyfriend away, you slide your hands up his back and cling closer to him.

An inch of regret courses through your veins the following morning when you receive a call from your quite displeased team, “what the hell were you thinking?!”. You deflect. Unwilling for anyone to burst through the happy bubble you’ve found yourself in, you blame them for poor organisation and security ‘cause who even allows cameras to be brought into a private Hollywood event.

That regret is unfortunately also accompanied by a killer hangover and very little memory of what else has happened the night prior.

The empty spot in bed, usually home to a set of wild brown locks, should have been a warning sign ‘cause Eddie never woke up before you, especially after a party. You find him in the kitchen, at the spot where the two of you first met. His head is in his hands and you’re instantly feeling worried.

The happy bubble threatening to burst.

“Hey,” you croak, hoping to get his attention, “are you okay?”

Eddie’s as still as a statue. He doesn’t acknowledge your presence, or your question, and the worry in the pit of your stomach increases tenfold. So you approach him, movements slow due to the banging headache as well as the apprehension given your boyfriend's current position. Only when your hand hesitantly reaches his back, rubbing once downward while you position yourself next to him, Eddie lifts his head and tilts it to the side, finally meeting your eyes.

“Had a good night?” Eddie asks, shifting his stance so that your hand falls down to your side. This should have been a second warning; him trying to avoid physical contact.

“Y-yeah,” you force a smile, thinking that it’s needed, “You?”

“Not really,” he answers a little too quickly.

His brown eyes scan yours, for what exactly, you’re a little too hungover to realise. But the longer he stares at you, the worse you begin to feel. A certain dread spreads through your insides, causing your stomach to drop. What’s happening right now? Actually, what happened in the late hours of last night that’s causing this sudden rift between you and the rockstar.

“What’s going on, Eddie?”

The tone of your voice is so quiet, you’re unsure he’s even heard you. But then a sigh escapes his lips. He briefly glances towards the back door, out towards the pool, before settling his gaze back on your frame.

“I think we made a mistake,” he says a little too bluntly. “I-I don’t think we should have labelled this so soon, and ehm… This is nothing on you, sweetheart. I’m just not the relationship type.”

Dumbfounded, is a little too plain to explain the feeling that you’re experiencing at this very moment. Betrayed would be a better word, but that would mean Eddie is after saying those things. That he’s really after shattering your entire world in the space of a few mere seconds. Betrayed would mean your gut instinct, the one you have ignored ever since you’ve met the Corroded Coffin frontman, was always correct: he was no good.

Used, is how you begin to feel as Eddie continues to list reasons for why he can’t actually be your boyfriend and how you’re better off simply being friends with benefits, or whatever it is the two of you had been over the last few months. Used fuels the anger inside of you because, to you, deceit is worse than cheating. And he seems so nonchalant about it, which only adds to the fire.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Eddie stops mid another lame excuse and for the first time this morning, he reaches for your hands, fingers gently grazing against your skin, which only adds to the pain you’re beginning to endure. 

“Sweetheart…”

“No, no.”

You retreat, unwilling to let the rockstar hold you since he’s after breaking your heart like it was worth nothing — Jesus H. Christ, this is some sick and twisted deja vu.

Instead, you cross your arms across your chest like a shield while taking a step away from the man you realised now you definitely loved, yet one that clearly didn’t love you.

“I-I guess I’m just confused as to what’s changed since last night—”

“I’m not the relationship type,” Eddie cuts in, repeating what he’s already said, “But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel anything towards you. I like you, sweetheart. A lot.”

“Eddie, come on,” you scoff, tears threatening to breach through the confines of their home, “Do you realise how ridiculous you sound right now? If you feel something towards me, I-I don’t get how being called my boyfriend and being exclusive with me is the worst thing on the planet.”

When he doesn’t immediately reply, you continue.

“Unless that’s it. You don’t want to be exclusive because the thought of keeping your dick in your pants when I’m not around is too difficult, or having other people throw themselves at you and not immediately act on it is something Eddie Munson simply cannot do.”

“That’s not it,” the rockstar interjects.

“Then fucking enlighten me, Eddie, because you’re making no fucking sense right now!”

Again, he doesn’t say anything. And it’s precisely because he’s not showing any willingness to be honest with you right this moment, after endless prior conversations about how that’s the one thing he will always be, you decide for your own sanity that this isn’t a relationship you can fight for.

“Fuck you, Eddie.”

Three words you’ve spoken to him before, only this time they hold a lot more weight. This time, they signal an end to something that was only after getting a proper beginning. The end of America’s favourite popstar and the Corroded Coffin frontman — a headline that broke on Page Six the very next morning.

Eddie watches you leave. Frozen in his spot as you rush back to the bedroom the two of you have shared the last few months. And his heart aches because unbeknown to you, this is not what he wanted to happen.

Unbeknown to you, this is not how he actually feels. He doesn’t want to end things with you so soon after they’ve begun. He wants you. He wants to be your boyfriend, if not more.

He just can’t.

Last night’s party was the main catalyst behind the rockstar’s actions this morning. The attendance of a certain someone that wasn’t actually invited was a shock to Eddie’s drunken system, and the reason behind why he simply can’t tell you anything, especially the truth.

(Not right now anyway.)

-

Chrissy Cunningham.

The preppy blonde was the only person Eddie loved before meeting you. 

Despite not ever being anything more than friends, at least on a physical level, for the longest time, Chrissy was Eddie’s only supporter. The only person to show him kindness and shower him with care he undoubtedly deserved.

Chrissy encouraged Eddie to follow his dreams, pursue a career in music, because out of everyone in Hawkins, she truly believed in his talent.

Then she died.

Suddenly, Eddie was not only left with a hole in his heart, but he also found himself at the centre of a murder investigation. Despite being declared innocent, her death nothing but a freak accident, the scars on the rockstar’s body remind him of the events of March ‘86 to this very day.

He told you a little about what happened, just failed to mention Chrissy. Not for any particular reason, he just doesn’t talk about her as a rule — unwilling to reopen the wounds he so desperately tried to heal over the years.

And because he doesn’t talk about Chrissy, or mention her name and what she meant to him, Eddie never expected her to be brought up.

Especially not a Hollywood party of all places.

Eddie first spotted your grandmother mid-performance of the band’s single with you. She approached him shortly after, when you excused yourself to take some shots with Holly, leaving the frontman alone.

“Even I cannot deny that it’s a good song,” she states simply, as Eddie eyes her suspiciously.

“With all due respect, ma’am, I don’t think you were on the guest list.”

She scoffs. “Just like my lovely granddaughter, I can get myself on every single list I want, and even though I don’t necessarily want to be here, I do have something to tell you.”

Eddie cocks a brow, “Oh yeah?”

“Hawkins is a lovely little town,” she says, not missing a beat. “It’s quaint. Reminds me of a place I spent hiding my pregnancy all those moons ago, but that’s a story for another time. Or not. Depends how well you listen to me right now.”

“What do you want?”

“Does my granddaughter know about Chrissy Cunningham?”

Eddie’s face falls the second Chrissy’s name escapes your grandmothers painted lips, though he doesn’t get a chance to actually reply to the question, because she’s quick to continue with her agenda.

“I suppose not. Your uncle Wayne was really quite open to tell me about her though, about what she meant to you.”

She pauses, tilting her head to one side.

“I am sorry for your loss, Edward.”

Another brief pause.

“Yet I can’t help the curiosity, why didn’t you tell my baby about this girl if she supposedly played such a big part in you pursuing your dreams?”

“Don’t do this—”

“Do what, Edward? I’m just trying to learn more about the boy my naive granddaughter is willing to risk her entire career for. Again, your uncle Wayne was very helpful in this department, considering you practically shunned me from the dinner I organised for this exact reason.”

“Listen—”

“No,” your grandmother interrupts, “We both know you’re not good enough for my sweet angel and this entire Chrissy situation you are trying really hard to hide from everyone, only proves my point,” she snaps and Eddie’s feeling grateful that the place is a little too crowded and a little too noisy for anyone to hear what’s happening at this very moment.

“Edward, if you have nothing to hide, if you’re really innocent and played no part in the poor girl's death, why can’t the world know? Feel free to answer me, I’m just trying to get some insight into who my granddaughter has chosen to date.”

Eddie swallows his breath, unsure of what to say because it’s these types of conversations he’s been trying to avoid by not bringing up Chrissy.

Ever.

He didn’t do anything to the girl he loved. He is one hundred percent innocent, and the courts proved his side of the story. Yet, he’s been ridiculed and questioned left, right, and centre.

Only Max and Wayne know that the final reason as to why he’s decided to leave Hawkins behind for good, was to get away from the rumours and the people that didn’t believe him. And as he rushed to chase his dreams, he swore he’d never bring this up. Swore to never mention Chrissy’s name to anyone, or the fact that she’s been the inspiration behind numerous Corroded Coffin singles.

In a way, it was freeing. In Los Angeles, Chrissy Cunnigham was nothing but a figment of Eddie’s imagination.

Until this very moment.

“I didn’t kill her.”

“I know,” your Nana states, “But it wouldn’t take a lot to make people in Hollywood believe that you did and then your image is ruined, your career starts to decline, and the only other person that’s affected besides you and your bandmates, is the person you claim to feel something for. My granddaughter.”

Eddie’s heart sinks. He glances behind your grandmother’s shoulder to where you’re standing at the bar with Holly, laughing at something your friend has said seconds prior.

He’s happy with you. He’s happy to be known as your boyfriend.

And it’s because of that happiness, he knows he cannot ruin your life by involving you in something that happened before he was even famous.

“I don’t want to hurt her,” the rockstar mumbles in a defeated tone.

“She’s going to hurt either way,” your grandmother says, “But if you end things with her on your own, I promise to keep Chrissy’s name out of the press, so you’re only breaking my granddaughter's heart and not simultaneously ending her career.”

The metalhead hangs his head low, closing his eyes momentarily to try and gather his tipsy thoughts. His lack of rebuttal is enough for your grandmother to claim her victory. She places a hand on the rockstar’s shoulder and squeezes once, faking remorse.

“And Eddie,” she continues, “I wouldn’t tell her about this conversation, and I also wouldn’t be so brave to tell her about Chrissy yourself, because with a snap of my finger, the whole world will know. Then you gotta ask yourself, what’s more important? Your happiness, her happiness, or the careers you both worked extremely hard for.”

She lets her hand fall and walks out of the party with her head held high. Unseen by you and unnoticed by everyone else here, almost like a ghost. Like the conversion never happened. 

But the ache in Eddie’s chest is proof enough. He knows what occurred, just like he knows what he unfortunately needs to do — which is break your fucking heart.

thank you for reading! really appreciate the endless & continuous support!

celebrity skin. masterlist

& tagging some cool ppl that expressed interest: @eviethetheatrefreak , @thirddeadlysin , @haylaansmi , @nope-thanks , @tlclick73 , @vintagehellfire , @ashlynnkennedy , @avalon-wolf , @sidthedollface2 , @papillonoirsworld , @vol2eddie , @astheni-a , @bebe07011

[decodedlvr]

As long as I’m with You

Steve Harrington x You (short)

Summary: Steve wakes up to another bad night you’ve had this week

Warnings: hurt/comfort, talks of poor physical and mental health, doctors, suicidal ideation, medication use, drug use, chronic health issues, BPD if you squint, disabilities, use of the word “girl” x times, negative self talk, mentions of sex, angst, fluff~~

This is based off my own experiences and inspired by my pal Morgan’s version; feel free to check hers out

Tick tick tick

The clock strikes 12 and then 1, 3, 5am in the morning, no sleep no rest it’s an every day cycle. The same shitty cycle.

It’s a new year, but not a new you.

Sitting in your walker in front of the excruciatingly bright television screen, high as a kite, everything in existence running through your mind 100 mph, sometimes the weed helps the pain. Sometimes it induces it or even makes it worse. Right now it’s doing nothing for you. Looking over at your loved one sound asleep. You don’t want to bother him with your whines or crying. So you just sit there silence, tears rolling down your cheeks; while you watch some bullshit on YouTube.

Sniff Sniff

“Baby?”

Shit.

“..yea?” you say in a whispered tone

“Are you ok? what’s wrong?”

“Ah, you already know”, you’ve used that line probably over a million times

Steve comes along your side expecting a few dried tears, but his eyes widen when he’s sees the collar around your shirt bitten, snot dribbling down your mouth and throat, crouching down, he lies his head onto your thigh looking up at you, “Talk to me sweetheart”

“No.”

“Hey, I know you’re hurting”—

“GOOD FOR YOU! Congratulations you know I’m hurting, you know I’ve been hurting for fucking years. I’m glad you’ve acknowledged it unlike some people”you sniffle getting up in a hurry to take a piss as he follows with sad eyes leaning against the door frame

“I’m fucking tired, I’m so goddamn exhausted nobody will ever know what I’m dealing with!”, you say wiping your ass not bothering to wash your hands, “I can’t do anything I can’t run, I can’t jump, can’t go to the stupid, fucking grocery store without one of those motorized carts.. my back hurts, my fucking knees are throbbing, stupid fucking nerves won’t calm down FUCK! It’s not like I can get in the bathtub to calm my muscles down. Nothing is helping! No medication, no PT, no injections, no nothing! Why?? am I just resistant to any source of help or treatment? I-I can’t even lay in the goddamn bed to sleep. That’s all I have left is rest!! What is rest!? I don’t know what the hell that even is”

“I know baby I know”—

“NO YOU DONT STEVE, all you know is what you see. I wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy, my worst enemy to feel what I feel. That’s how bad it all hurts. The most evil, sick and twisted person in this world, I would never wish this upon. I just..”, getting dizzy you collapse on the bed sobbing into your own hands, then eventually into Steve’s shoulder as he rocks you, tears spilling from his own eyes—

“Nobody cares, nobody wants to help me. nobody cares unless I’m rich and can afford to give them any and ALL the things off my back, but I can’t. Even with the money you make it will never be enough to help the poor girl who’s too young to have any kind of issue. It’s “all in my head” I’m just fucking crazy. I could break my own neck and still be told it’s only from anxiety. Nobody cares just”—

“I care” he exhales

“It doesn’t matter if you care, all your care is useless, all your help is worthless to me because it gets me nowhere. Nobody’s love and care gets me nowhere. It’s nothing all but fucking false hope. Don’t you get that? None of you still to this day seems understand that. Stop praying for me to get better. It’s never going to happen. I can’t take it anymore.. I just wanna die! All I wish for is to die but, I can’t even have that. It’s like all of you want me here, to live and suffer for the rest of my life for y’all, it’s not fair, fuck that”, your trembling, body in fight or flight

“Don’t say that, you know I’d do anything to take your pain away”

“It doesn’t matter what you’d do because you’re not a doctor. You’re not a professional, you can’t help me get better.. sucks to hear but it’s the truth Steve..fuck”—

Steve’s really trying not to beat himself up over your words, he knows you’re in pain, it comes from a place of anger, frustration and fear

“I have all these pain medications I could easily take all at once, so I’ll never have to wake up in this position ever again. Why can’t I do it huh? I could end right here right now you never have to suffer again, but I just d-don’t; If anything, I’m the most selfless person for staying alive for YOU just so I can be alive but in pain all over again for YOU!”, your tone getting higher and higher in pitch

“I-I’m sorry.. I wish I knew the right words to say baby”, he’s trying his best to stay strong for you

“You’ve got to be sick of me, tired of me. All I do is cause more money to come out of your pockets, more exhaustion, more burdening, more crying, more everything bad for you. You already deal with your own shit. I do nothing but make your own mentality worse, hell you’re making your own self worse being with a person like me. A broken and useless excuse of a human being. You deserve somebody who can go hiking with you, go to the beach, travel with, who can do the bare minimum. Can’t even fuck you properly—

“STOP! Stop that right now” he shouts

You freeze because he’s never raised his voice at you, atleast not on purpose at such a vulnerable time

“I hate it too. You know it hurts me to know that you hurt and I’m sorry that I can’t take the pain away from you. My sweet, sweet girl I’m so sorry that nobody has given you the chance to hear your voice, to help heal you..but I’m gonna make you the same promise I make you almost every single night. As long as I’m with you, I will try my best with all my power to make it a little bit more bearable for you to be here, and I am so grateful that you are still here and choose to be here with me for us to be together. I know you hurt, but as long as you’re with me, I’m going to do my best to put a smile on your pretty face, beautiful sunshine of a smile because you’re my sunshine.. y-your smile gives me life did you know that?”

You nod. He tells you all the time

“I- I’m tired for wishing to feel ok for my birthdays, every Christmas. All the shirts and posters you got me for Christmas? I haven’t even touched them yet, you know why? Because the selfish person in me doesn’t give a fuck about none of it. The only thing I care about and want and NEED is pain relief and that’s too much to ask for isn’t it? Apparently wanting to be better in the world it’s too much to ask for”

“You deserve to feel better”, he says while his hand travels up your back to rub your tense neck, “You deserve to be free from all of this and I can’t give that to you. You’re not selfish baby you’re hurting. I love you for you. I knew what I was signing up for, and if I didn’t want that I wouldn’t be here right now with you. I know the sacrifices Ill have to make, the tears I’ll have to shed, the strength it’ll take me to pick you up when you’re down, but I fell in love with you, how you are, and who you are”

“Who are you kidding Steve, you don’t even know who I am. The real me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I wish you met me when I wasn’t sick then maybe you wouldn’t be so stressed out a-and.. and,” you start sobbing again, it’s all too overwhelming

“Hey, hey look at me, no. I met you at the right time. You need me just as much as I need you. You may not think you’re worth nothing but you’re worth everything to me. Yeah you have a good and bad days..—

“I’ve had nothing but bad days for the past few months Steve”-

“I know, I see it, I hear it and I witness it, I may not can feel it, but at the end of it all, you still love me. You’re still here. You still want to cook for me. You still get up to brush your teeth and I’m so proud of you for still trying to care for yourself. That’s the biggest job you’ll ever have, and it’s been a very hard job hasn’t it?

You nod, as he nods with you

“Yeah, it has, but you don’t have to do it alone anymore. I want to provide for you. I want to take care of you. You’re my girl, you deserve so much and as long as I’m with you, I will try every day, every hour, every second or minute, to make sure you know how loved, how great and how amazing you are. How great and amazing you’re doing for yourself and for me. How strong you are”—

—“im tired of having being strong all the time”, interrupting him

“I know you are. You are so strong for being on this earth, even when you don’t want to be. I wouldn’t ask for anybody else, you’re it for me always. Will you continue to let me try to make it better for you every day? To take care of you?”, he squats in front of you, cupping your wet cheeks, kissing your forehead

“But Stevie.. you know you’re getting your own hopes up because nothing you do helps either and I feel like a piece of shit for saying that because”—

“I know what you mean, you don’t have to be sorry. I understand you may not have hope but I do. All my Hope goes towards you and it always will. You are the most important thing in my life. I’m not gonna give up on you, on me or on us, ok sunshine?”

..”okay”, you repeat rubbing your temples

“Head hurt, darling?”

“yes”

“From crying too hard?”

You nod, looking away in shame, “It’s okay, I’ll get your Migrane cap from the freezer and i’ll set your pillows up how you like, just sit tight”, he says it standing then pausing at the doorway, looking over his shoulder, “I love you”

“luv you—

“Hmm? What was that, I couldn’t hear you” he exclaims

“I said love you gosh.. shut up”, you barely crack a smile

That was enough to get him through the rest of the night.

[leclercskiesahead]

What’s wrong with the word “nicked?” You are grasping for straws at things to be mad about.

McLaren felt like Charles nicked the monza win from them.

Lewis probablt felt like George nicked the Brazil ‘22 win from him.

There are so many examples of this.

There’s so many examples of times when drivers and teams have felt like a win/podium/ even points were ‘nicked’ from them due to one reason or another, that’s not uncommon nor is it insulting to say that Charles felt like the win was nicked from under his nose.

Jock Clear doesn’t say this to be insulting towards Carlos, and Charles feeling disappointed or ‘hurt’ is not insulting towards Carlos either, please tell me how you’ve come to this conclusion? The fact is that Charles felt confident coming into the Singapore weekend but he got outperformed by his teammate and lost out on a brilliant opportunity which made him disappointed IN HIMSELF.

It’s then talked about how Charles utilised this disappointment and turned it into something positive —motivation. And from that point onwards, Charles was clearly the better driver of 2023, and even went on to finish ahead of Carlos in all metrics apart from wins that season. This also shows that your understanding of Charles’ mentality is complete bullshit because it’s a positive, confident, and stable mindset that allows you to turn personal negatives into positives and use disappointment as a way to motivate yourself to be better instead of dwelling on it.

This is why I am so baffled as to why you and other sainz fans are so enraged at the concept that Charles could possibly be disappointed in the results of a race that he knows he could have done better at. He knew that it was Carlos’ race to win after qualifying, and he played his part to help make that happen. After the race, he congratulated Carlos and the team, and never said anything negative about it. His driver coach is saying that he was disappointed in himself, which should be obvious, if a driver is not disappointed in themselves after not maximising an opportunity, then they do not belong in the sport.

A good example of this is Monaco this year, Oscar was disappointed in himself because he could have been on pole had he put his 3 best sectors in qualifying into one lap. Not a single Leclerc fan got mad at him for saying this because it’s obvious that he is going to be disappointed in such a situation.

This is so ridiculous because you clearly just hate Charles (which is fine you can like and hate whoever you want to) but you are purposely twisting Jock Clear’s words and making it seem like Charles did nothing wrong.

It’s not uncommon for a driver or team to think that they were close to winning, and thus feeling disappointed that they didn’t achieve that. Saying “nicked” implies the other person or team stole a win that was more likely yours.

Saying Carlos nicked the win from Charles implies Charles was more likely to win but that was not the case going into Singapore that year. It sounds entitled, especially coming a whole year later when everyone can look back and see how Carlos was dominating that whole weekend.

As Jock says it, he wasn’t simply disappointed in himself (sad cos the race outcome didn’t meet his own expectations) as you claim. He was hurt by Carlos winning (which likens the feeling to pain, injury, physical harm, and attributes to cause to someone else, more visceral and personal). It shows he’s not the good team player he thought he was being. Whatever he said about that race, deep down he was so personally hurt, it actually makes him a poor sport, and his response and motivations vindictive. Certainly not healthy or positive. He should have known better from the moment he qualified behind.

[fatuismooches]

IT IS ME, the muzzle anon, hello again

after almost 1 year in hospital, im starting uni this year finally :]

being sick really reminds you how nice it is to be healthy, so while I was thinking about dottore and fragile reader I just had thought that reader probably had days where they felt like they were dying as they were laying on their bed. They already have an unknown disease that makes them weak and then a sudden fatigue hits them one morning and they can't even open their eyes, can barely move their hands, their whole body trembling and such- I would be very dramatic when I am sick, literally crying and thinking, "Yep, this is the end."

so imagine going, "I think this is the day I die..." to Il Dottore, tHE DOCTOR.

Dottore just goes, "No. 🤨"

To be honest it probably isn't the end it just their body trying to fight the sickness but reader just immediately starts writing their last will and testament.

"For Boattore, I left my drawings, for Zandy, the plushies I have, for Clowntore, I-"

Then the next day reader is okay, and like, "😐"

(As okay as they can be at least)

So Dottore and the other segments are repeating everything reader said to tease them now.

(Yeah they love reader, yes they were worried, but now that they are okay they are allowed to make fun of them)

swoosh

have a nice day <3

MUZZLE ANON... i just want you to know the muzzling Dottore brain rot still lives in my head rent-free. And congratulations on starting uni! That's such a huge step and I wish you the best, I'm very proud of you and hope you'll do amazing ❤️

Mhm, fragile reader definitely had bad days like that. The pain can be so bad and all you can do is lay helpless, unable to do anything besides wait for it to pass. Even when it's not physical pain, sometimes you simply don't even have the motivation to get up. It's just... really bad sometimes and you can't even predict when it comes, so it just hits you out of nowhere. And every time, you can't help but stress out and worry about what will happen next. Will the pain pass over? How long will it stay? These relentless headaches, aches, and sores? When can you finally get back to normal and go about your life? It seems like an eternity from now, and you can't help but wonder what will happen until then...

The first time you say that he nearly drops the vial he's holding. Did he miscalculate your pain? Is it more grave than he thought? He's going through all his notes again and asking you a bunch of questions rapidly. Until he realizes you're just (mostly) joking and being extra paranoid. His response is always to not be so nonsensical as he sighs every time. You're not going to die while he's around, he says matter of factly. Writing your will is... sort of a morbid kind of amusement for you. Yeah, ignoring the fact that you're planning for your own death, it's kind of fun to decide which segment will receive a little piece of you. There's a section for each of them with a mini-essay. Ahem, just don't let little Zandy know about this because you don't want to deal with a crying child blubbering about how you're going to leave him. And YEAH i imagine fragile reader says some pretty funny and weird things when they're sleeping or half-conscious. Segments are definitely listening in and write down everything you say to bring up later 😭

[magadauthan]

Ep 26: Under the Sky So Blue

Thank you to the @trigun98watchparty for making this possible, and to all of you who have been reading along with me to this point. It's been a great trip down memory lane and getting acquainted or re-acquainted with other '98 fans who watched the first Trigun and loved it despite its flaws.

Also big thank you to those who engaged in meta, especially @tiggymalvern! Finding you again was the nicest surprise of all!

Without further ado, I am plant-ing (HARF) my tongue firmly in cheek for the intro to this recap.

Knives. We need to talk.

You have spent the last 130 years working on becoming the most basic bitch on NML, and you've done a good job. You couldn't be any blonder or blue-eyed. You have (had) a loyal second-in-command who did all your dirty work for you so you didn't have to get your hair mussed. You have a Squad who secretly hates you but sticks around because they want to be on the right side of things if you win out. And you have a silly-looking pair of boots.

It's also well known that you are the Beverage Boy of NML. On your desk (which is sitting in front of a big loopy wall art stating "Live, Laugh, Murder Everyone") and next to the "Universe's #1 Brother" mug you bought yourself is a canvas frame that says "But first, coffee." You probably killed everyone else at Target so you could get the latest Stanley.

But Knives. Knives. The wine? That's a red you're drinking. Red wine doesn't get chilled. It should be decanted and served at room temperature. Plus, basic bitches drink rosé, or a white zinfandel. To make your declassé behavior worse, you're drinking it out of a martini glass. If you're going to have a Cosmo, have a Cosmo. It's no shame. But really - how are you going to claim that you're a superior breed if you don't know such simple rules of etiquette?

Get a grip, Beverage Boy.

--Aw, baby Vash.

--I wonder whether the twins need to eat and drink, or whether it's just easier for them if they do.

--You know, Knives, humans wouldn't have had to rely so heavily on the Plants if you hadn't crashed the ships. Ofc he didn't intend to have anyone survive besides himself and Vash, which sounds pretty boring. What were the two of you going to do for all eternity?

--Was Knives working on the guns before the ship crashed, and that's what he went in to find?

--I remember seeing somewhere that the little cartridge above the barrel of the Long Colts is a teeny Plant, or Plant-stuff. Anyone else recall this?

--NOW who's the big whiny baby, Knives? (my leg, it hurts! Why?)

--That must be a very young Doc on the ship. Although, there's nothing to say that a year on NML is the same as a year on Earth. It would be more surprising if it was, rather than it wasn't.

--LOL William Conrad (aka Revnunt Buskus) is from Cleveland, Ohio

--No but seriously, how did Knives get himself and Vash's severed arm out of July after getting blasted to smithereens?

--"Hi Knives! Living as a human was great! Congratulations bro, I am done with your shit!"

--Vash kept quite a few of Leonov's wires. They've come in handy.

--Knives has learned Vash's physical tricks well enough to keep up with him... and Vash has finally figured out how to control his Plant powers well enough to cancel his brother out. (Tristamp really nailed this; their battle in the final ep was fantastic)

--Vash is worn out. Not only has he been shot through the shoulder by his brother, he's likely not completely healed from the encounter with Legato.

--Even in death, WW is looking after his friend and kicking his ass to do something, damnit! I'm right here to help you!

--The peppering Knives got from the Punisher likely wouldn't have been enough to put Vash off, but Knives has never been able to handle physical pain. Vash remembers this very well and takes excellent advantage of it.

--that boy has jawlines for days

--A blast from the well, the cauldron of Rebirth. Vash is reborn to be his own person, to make the right choices for himself and his conscience, rather than for her memory.

Which is what every mother wants for her son. I should know.

--go get your man, Meryl, he won't keep you waiting. if he did you'd go find him anyway.

--Vash leaves his coat, his gun... and his sunglasses. He's done hiding behind them. He doesn't need to anymore.

--This would have been the ending scene, for most anime. Anyone who watches anime gets used to the vague ending, the things left unsaid, and the ambiguity. There's rarely a "happy ending" the way Westerners think of them. Vash could have wandered off into the sunset, leaving the viewer to wonder whether he ever saw Milly and Meryl again. That's pretty normal.

And then there's Trigun, which takes that expected ambiguity and says "nah, we're not done."

Vash comes back to town. He's made his choice to accept the girls into his life, of his own volition, and he's going to let them make their own choices about having him (and his brother) in their lives. There would be an awful lot to sort out, but he wants to try.

This is the very next scene. Don't tell me otherwise; I don't want to hear it. (credit: doujinshi circle Nail Cut Club; title Meteo Strike).

I have Big Thoughts about what could happen after this, and of course a fanfic, but my cat wants me to go to bed now. She's being very persistent.

Thanks to all of you who read this far. You're the best, and I love you all! And talk to me, I like hearing from ppl!