#congrats u get ur own tag lmao

[octo-hyacinth]

YOURE BAAAAACK YAYYYYYYYY HI HI HI HI HIIIII SQUEALS !! i missed seeing your writing it’s always so so incredibly CUTE !!

-🦐 yknow who this is

OH EM GEEEE HI SHRIMPY IM ALWAYS SO GLAD U LOVE MY WRITING JFLBDKGKFN

[f1daydreamers]

𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐞𝐬 [𝐓𝐀𝟔𝟔] 𝐒𝐌𝐀𝐔

gif credits: @trenty

Pairing: Trent Alexander Arnold x Fem!Reader

Summary: You’re a tease, asking for things you supposedly already have. Trent catches on... eventually.

A/N: This is my first social media AU so bear with me if it absolutely sucks, also my first time writing for Trent so a bunch of firsts going on today. Enjoy!

Warnings: not much, just a lot of fluff and shite captions lol

...

yourusername | 📍Venice, Italy

tagged venice.explore and calvinklein

liked by yourbsf, calvinklein, and 17,786 others

yourusername can I call you later?

view all 2671 comments

user1 pretty ladyyyyyyy

calvinklein summer collection has never looked better 😍

— yourusername have never loved a black dress more

yourbsf photo creds and the second glass are all me.. right?

— yourusername ofc 😇

user2 omg i need to go to venice asap

user3 i thought you were in la this week for a photoshoot with hudabeauty??

— yourusername next week!! super excited omg 🩷

…

trentarnold66

liked by liverpoolfc, andyrobertson94, and 946,716 others

trentarnold66 Recharging 🔋

view all 76,936 comments

andyrobertson94 Right, there’s no need to flex the arms 😒

— trentarnold66 I was just bending them? 🙃

liverpoolfc Back at camp soon ❤️

— trentarnold66 💪

user6 BYE TRENT FINALLY POSTED HOLIDAY PICS SO I CAN SLEEP NOW

user7 can you choke me with those arms thanks bae

— user8 so real 🤣

judebellingham No invite lad? I see how it is 🫤

— liked by trentarnold66

…

yourusername

tagged hudabeauty, hudabeautyshop, and kayali

liked by hudabeauty, trentarnold66, and 30,651 others

yourusername Coming to you… July 👀

view all 9862 comments

yourbsf A DREAM IM SO PROUD OF YOU BABE

— yourusername i love you 🥹

user4 aaahhhhhhh this has been such a long time coming!!! remember ur youtube videos when u used to review their products?

— liked by trentarnold66

hudabeauty A literal real-life doll 😘

— yourusername says the literal makeup magician ❤️

user5 TRENT LIKED????

— user9 who’s that?

— user5 ONLY THE BEST RB IN THE WORLD WHAT

…

trentarnold66

liked by liverpoolfc, yourusername, and 976,816 others

trentarnold66 Singapore 🇸🇬 Feels real good to be back.

view all 126,625 comments

liverpoolfc What’s up, Vice Captain? 💪

— trentarnold66 🫡

user10 liverpool’s very own ❤️

yourusername damn.

— liked by trentarnold66

virgilvandijk Let’s get it!

user5 OMGGG THEYRE DEFO DATINGGG WAIT

user12 don’t know who yourusername is but she’s verified and trent liked her most recent post now she’s commented on his???? i smell a new couple 👀

…

yourusername | 📍 Liverpool

tagged liverpoolfc

liked by trentarnold66, harvelliott, and 29,872 others

yourusername bleeding red today, bleeding red everyday

view all 11,463 comments

user12 she does know trent’s mural is literally opposite hendo’s right? 🧐

— liked by yourusername

— user12 OMG SHE LIKED MY COMMENTTTT

harvelliott love it 🌹

— user5 DUDE WHO IS THIS GIRL DATING OMFHDJSJSE

trentarnold66 Hmm

— harvelliott 😂

yourbsf fit went hard.

— yourusername not everyone’s agreeing w u 😒

— yourbsf you mean….

— yourusername shh

…

…

trentarnold66

liked by judebellingham, liverpoolfc, and 817,625 others

trentarnold66 Skipper today but winning in front of you is the best part ❤️🏟️

view all 262,527 comments

user5 IS HE TALKING ABOUT YOURUSERNAME

— user13 bro you lot reach sm wtff he’s obviously talking about the fans lmao they played at home today

judebellingham serious player

— liked by trentarnold66

yourusername should I say congrats?

— trentarnold66 Only if you’ve changed shirts

— yourusername so take off yours then

— liked by trentarnold66

…

…

yourusername

liked by yourbsf, trentarnold66, and 96,726 others

yourusername my mom approves

view all 70,637 comments

user5 I CALLED IT FROM THE START YESSSSHDHDHSHSHHS YALL ARE SO CUTE

yourbsf ok trying to convince ppl that i’m the other one in ur pics is getting harder and harder to do

— yourusername 😂😂

trentarnold66 Shirt’s all yours

— yourusername took you long enough

— trentarnold66 I got there in the end 🙂

yoursister does that mean I get to keep Harvey's shirt now?

— yourusername i bet you've already taken it anyway

— yoursister if I speak I’m in big trouble

…

trentarnold66

tagged yourusername

liked by yourusername, andyrobertson94, and 1.2 million others

trentarnold66 Dear Darling ❤️

andyrobertson94 Congrats Brother 🫂

— liked by trentarnold66

yourusername should’ve posted the pic where you were preeing my old yt vids

— trentarnold66 I don’t recall that 🤨

— yourusername little liar

— trentarnold66 Little? Who’s the liar now?

— user12 YALL ARE SOOOOOOOO

user5 I WANT MY FINDERS FEE 👩‍⚖️

harvelliott Beautiful 🤩

…

Masterlist

[astonmartinii]

can i pls request an insta au for max verstappen where the reader is a professor??

teacher's pet | max verstappen instagram au

pairing: max verstappen x professor!reader

redbullracing

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 708,563 others

tagged: yourusername, maxverstappen1

redbullracing: happy national teacher's day! while we say a big thank you to all the teachers around the world we give a big shout out to our very own professor y/n who finally taught max something other than racing and the world map.

view all 27,056 comments

user12 omg this is so cute

maxybaby i wish we got to see more of y/n in the paddock but i get why we don't

danielricciardo happy national teacher's day y/n - i've got an apple with your name on it for the next time i see you

maxverstappen1 suck up

yourusername don't be mean maxy

user77 y/n breaking up fights in the comment section i can't

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, pierregasly and 708,456 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: happy national teacher's day my love !! i know how hard you work everyday, so i wanted to help out where i could (also these textbooks are unreasonably expensive)

view all 34,023 comments

yourusername thank you so much maxy - we're all so grateful xx

yourstudent1 you're all of our sugar daddy now

yourusername lets not make it weird

user23 max's relationship with y/n has been the best pr red bull could've ever asked for

georgerussell63 and they call me the teacher's pet

user14 LMAO GEORGE

pierregasly not on the wholesome post bro

christianhorner geri and the kids would like to know when you're next over for dinner?

yourusername easter is good for us !

user3 not them making plans in the comments

yourusername added to their story

[caption: weekends off with you]

danielricciardo added to their story

[caption: when did air max become a school bus?]

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, redbullracing and 103,899 others

tagged: maxverstappen1

yourusername: end of semester trip to zandvoort !! these guys annoyed me all term but in the end they deserve everything - plus points for max winning his home race xx

view all 11,067 comments

maxverstappen1 i don't know what you mean about them being annoying - they were angels, i do wonder where all of my champagne went though ?

yourusername they're students they'll take any free alcohol they can get

yourstudent1 love you max - can you pay off my student loans?

yourstudent2 and mine?

yourstudent3 and mine?

yourstudent4 and mine?

yourusername he didn't even pay off mine he's not going to pay off yours and STOP TRYING TO MAKE MY BOYFRIEND YOUR SUGAR DADDY

user46 wtf is happening in this comment section

maxverstappen1 added to their story

[caption: max u can have ur phone back if you pay off our loans]

yourusername added to their story

[caption: i'm never taking them anywhere ever again]

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo and 1,012,451 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: happy anniversary my love - you're a massive inspiration to me and keep me going despite being so busy yourself, you have so much knowledge and love and patience (your students are insane) xx

view all 31,067 comments

yourusername i love you maxy xx

danielricciardo haps anniversary you two - double date soon?

yourusername done.

maxverstappen1 done.

redbullracing congrats parents

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, yourstudent1 and 108,675 others

tagged: maxverstappen1

yourusername: happy graduation to my class !! you guys have given me hundreds of grey hairs, sleepless nights and a coffee addicition, HOWEVER, i'm so so proud of all of you and can't wait to see what you do in the future (stop asking my boyfriend to pay off your loans)

view all 13,451 comments

yourstudent1 i miss you already :(

maxverstappen1 was an honour to help give out degrees to the inspiring (and annoying) next generation

yourusername thank you maxy

danielricciardo so like when are you proposing?

charles_leclerc did you just spoil her own proposal?

maxverstappen1 ur so dumb i can't

yourusername added to their story

[caption: sunset walks]

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, pierregasly and 1,430,788 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: max verstappen-y/n and professor y/n verstappen-y/ln reporting for duty

view all 102,098 comments

yourusername love you so so much

user45 OMG PARENTS

yourstudent1 do we get to come to the wedding?

danielricciardo CONGRATS MAXY ONLY TOOK YOU 6 YEARS

christianhorner congratulations you two - christian, geri and the kids xx

note: hope you enjoyed - i took a lot of creative liberty so i hope it's okay xx

[lorephobic]

Because i don't want your inane rambles on my blog I'm just gonna reply in an ask- hi, user gogystyle here, i appreciate that u went to the effort to stalk my blog to figure out i liked dream at one point, very clever of you. Moving on, i see you're really attached to the director of saltburn- we love some personality worship💀💀. I'm not going to look at what she said about the movie, the damn thing is long enough as it is and should stand on its own. And i put it in the tag to piss you off and because the tag is already rancid enough. You're good at stalking, scroll down some more and you should see some more detailed takes i had about the film. But as i see you only have the opinion the director has, which has been spoonfed to you, it's probably best you don't bother. Really nice talking to you, and congrats on being the first lobotomy patient with a tumblr blog!😄😄

baby ur name is gogystyle, i didn't have to do any stalking to know that ur a dream stan. it's okay, we all make mistakes <3

"personality worship" is rich considering i don't know shit about emerald fennell, i just watch and appreciate what she has to say about Her Movie. that she Wrote and Directed. lmao.

the movie absolutely stands on it's own, i was just suggesting supplemental material for those of us who struggle with keeping up. if that's too much homework for u, that's okay. i've found manhunt to be much more accessible to ppl who aren't ready for high school yet. hope u get help!

[chanluster]

— check in tag!

tagged by @healinghyunjin and @kookings thank u sm!!! except for sunny go fuck urself 

1) why did you choose your url?

oh my fucking god basically you know like ‘lustre’? like sparkles and shit? i thought chan + lustre would be cool cause chan is a glowing boy but i used the british spelling instead and now i sound like a total horndog 💀💀 its the way i didn’t even realise till my friends pointed it out and now i can’t change it yfm but yeh clearly lacking brain cells

2) any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them!

okay so 

gyuluster — my txt account!! ive had it for a while but ive been so dead on there 😭😭 tho i did promise myself that this summer i want to write more content about them so skz im sorry but 💨💨

amorlix — my giffing account!! ive recently gotten into giffing and i love it sm tho i admit it takes up sm of my time 😭 i will try using it more often

i have more but i’m gonna keep them a secret for now 😼😼 most of them are just made to gatekeep usernames LMDOAAO

3) how long have you been on tumblr?

i think it’s defo been more than a year now!! ngl hate it hate tumblr but i love writing too much to let it go so i guess we stuck 😃

4) do you have a queued tag?

no i don’t actually tho i think i should start using it sometime soon

5) why did you start your blog?

i really wanted to get away from wattpad 💀 after writing for bts for so long on there and then completely abandoning them for stray kids it made me realise i needed a fresh start away from there + the writing here is a lot better than i found on wattpad so that’s a huge plus

6) why did you choose your icon?

because felix in that fit is so fine i don’t think i’ll ever recover THE NET THE FUCKING RED NET

7) why did you choose your header?

because jake from enhypen owns me body and soul this man could call me a currymuncher and i’d happily comply ‼️ also him in drunk-dazed studio choom was an 8th wonder of the world

8) what’s your post with most notes?

my 10/10 fic !! my chan fic racked up over 1500 notes and i still haven’t recovered 👁💧👄💧👁 thank you so much for the support guys ❤️❤️

9) how many mutuals do you have?

literally 15 and half of them don’t use tumblr anymore 💀💀 i would love to make friends here but i have major trust issues cause of past experiences LMFAO

10) how many followers do you have?

1750+!! thank you homies omg

11) how many blogs do you follow?

34

12) how often do you use tumblr each day?

way too much fr like i’m genuinely thinking about writing offline, post and fuck off i’m way too addicted to this hellsite 💀💀

13) did you have a fight/ start another argument with a blog once? who won?

LMAO that shit is so childish if i don’t like someone i just block, unfollow, or keep the grudge stewing within me for months cause i fucking hate confrontation

14) how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this post?’

if you mean the “reblog this in 10 seconds or spongebob would make a krabby patty out of you” posts then they’re annoying as hell 11 year old me truly thought my mum would die at one point cause i didn’t like them on facebook

15) do you like tag games?

yes i do! they’re really cute but i’m so shit at responding to them so if you do tag me i love u i’m not ignoring u i promise

16) do you like ask games?

yes yes yes!! don’t hesitate to ask me shit i feel like i’m hella isolated on stayblr 💔💔

17) which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i mean tumblr fame is a scam but i know my desi degen @tyonfs is well known on nct (and well enough to be slandered on a youtube video!! congrats on ur downfall whore😻‼️)

18) do you have a crush on a mutual?

@mocimori i love u ur art and ur lost boy! skz ramblings please know i enjoy listening to ur ideas and would 100% buy ur lip balm if u pitched it to me also ive never gotten over the paris fanart i love u sm

tagging: anyone who wants to do this!!

[misterbitches]

i had the misfortune of finally watching/getting through what happened in whatever episode where he gets raped so im gonna talk about it and tag it cos that's what a bitch fuckin feels like, got it? i do what i want aint no limit bad ass bitch aint never been timid. woopsie realized i got the nicknames confused oh well lmao

it's just logistically and plot wise like there's literal plot holes in this and i'm taking the production and set-up into account along with the actual content and development. im an ARTIST OKAY im jk i mean i am and i am pretentious and terrible but look. i didnt get that degree and im not in a house worth of debt for nothing ok. it's called writing on tumblr about my grievances of shows that dont matter and do not respect me as a fat black american woman either so it is my fault yet here i am.

anyway it was worse than i imagined and their talk after (with chengren) was even worse. that's what i mean about making the lines their own (the actors) bc teng teng sounded like a straight up motherfucking moron and im like

bECAUSE IT'S HIM EVEN THO IM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DID U JUST SAY U STUPID BITCH? but then it's like awwww and they also care about his wellbeing obviously??? but no? but it's like ok still teng teng said it even if it's stupid because he is a character and charles puts that forth. the people that fail the most to do that are xing si's family but that's not the actors fault because it's the literal material. you're like wait what but you just said...?

so i know they have no script editors i guess i think i find this season ACTUALLY fascinating because of just how egregious it is. i also went back and watched history: obsessed which i thought i liked because of their chemistry even though god the production....but i tried rewatching it and i was like wow this is worse than i remembered and the production issues were even worse because some of the music was SO LOUD AND BAD HOLY FUCK and their whole rship isssssss a sight to behold lmao

so man i guess it really is the power of anson/charles. which is good cos we love to see it...sort of but also a lot.

i honestly....because i've been able to pay attn more to the aftermath of the rape going back and putting it into more context and focusing (just barely lmao) is hm even worse. the inconsistencies are insane. it's not even just about the act but the writers have zero idea where they are going because they have no interest in exploring it. but the way in which it happens is like fascinating. yong jie literally thinks he owns xing si and it doesn't matter if he was kissing him or not or asked for a kiss on the lips (which dude what the fuck? i'll get to that) because he was plied with "extremely strong drinks" and his mom knew about it....which girl congrats you're an accomplice to the rape of your son by your other son?

but first of all...the kissing thing. in what fucking world would he (xing si) want that unless he thought he (yong jie) was someone else. i can't say their attraction is evident because we are being lead by this team to think so; they create this false sense of sensuality already so to me that signifies that they never intended for them to have a bond as brothers. it just feels cheap and fucking lazy (which it is.) even if he did, which doesn't make sense considering the context THEY CONSTRUCTED, it wouldn't matter because he was so fucking drunk which.... at that point nothing is fun, you feel sick, who wants sex like that? does he not have whiskey dick? did they have a condom? was it not painful for him considering? even if this was something to easily get over like was the dick good? it couldn't have been. and then, on top of that, there's the fact that you can change your mind or whatever but also that people do get aroused in these situations bc it is human nature (that's if they can literally get aroused which if the drinks were allegedly sooooo strong that nigga would be out so....again like even practically here it doesnt add up. have these people ever been drunk? if not, write what you know girl. cos sometimes it's like i think some of u r trying to be cool when u dont have 2 b lmao)

so yong jie coming on to him previously may be seen as like push-and-pull but here's the thing. right after it happens (the rape and it's rape so call it that you'll be okay) xing si gets up and goes home and is terrified and upset. he acts like what we have seen or even felt after a violation. he's scared, clutching his bag, it's like...you know...decently coming off as truly distressing (the actor isn't bad at all and i like that he's dark. i just massively hate this for him but hey at least he can show some chops.) like honestly man that fucking sucks and hurts to see. if we've been there we feel it. or part of it is realizing belatedly what happened. a lot of times that drop in your stomach is the worst.

but somehow for some reason, to which i cannot understand, the three of them begin to talk as if xing si pressured him? which maybe i missed something and that is possible—dont feel like going back to look—but that also made no sense. like what kind of false memory is this? why would he think he wasn't willing? and if he thought yong jie wasn't and that he pressured him how does he remember like...anything about the sex?!?!??!? besides waking up and being with him. like i guess he felt yong jie's MASSIVE DONG imprint but ??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!!!!

god then the logic of the top/bottom thing is like i said i wasnt going to get into it but it's actually really funny. this whole thing was hilarious. honestly because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS. he could have totally raped him in that way but how did you get to this CONCLUSION FROM THAT??????? BY YOUR LOGIC THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS? IF HE IS THE BOTTOM AND PENETRATION IS THE ONLY FORM OF TRUE CONSUMMATION AND RAPE BECAUSE APPARENTLY, BASED ON ANATOMY, IF YOU HAVE A DICK IN UR BUTT UR A GIRL THEN HOW. DOES. THIS. MAKE. SENSE. AND THEN

AND THEN

AND THEN

AND THEN

this whole stupid conversation happens so we get to the conclusion that xing si violated him ok cool but that means that something is wrong. that is the CONCLUSION WE CAME TO A SECOND AGO?

also the other rapist is a villain and muren isn't in love with him so, once again, you're breaking the rules of your own world about acceptability which is why most of this is absolutely mind bogggglinG that iit's fuckign comical. like i actually when i can stomach it start laughing or my jaw is slack because it's so insulting as a viewer because there is like 0 logical followthrough.

because whatshisface barges in, kisses him in front of his friends without permission, then says whether you were willing or not which is hm. at that point how u gonna change that around but let's not bother with logic here. i am simply here to point out how this makes no sense according to the rules they set up even outside of the basic rule of life which is hm dont rape people maybe.

so now we know xing si was raped, they believe he was raped, he himself believes he was raped, and whatshisface literally says he doesn't care even if he was willing (he wasn't) so he admits to rape. i don't believe in the police and i hate them (BL industry needs the cops but dont get me down that road) but no one...thought to go?

because according to history 4 logic nothing matters so im sure if he went to the police you could handwave the homophobia since there's no actual context for anything besides their whimsy. but they dont want to do that because they aren't interested in an arc of growth; redemption isn't possible unless he is removed from the family but again no work on thinking this through or thinking about the victim's feelings. because gay sex? who fucking knows. supposedly progressive taiwanese writers of gay shit (like how supposedly progressive the world is. as in it is not and this behavior is the norm and bl perpetuates that) can't think of transformative justice?

and then they gave bad advice so we wont acknowledge that because teng teng doing anything wrong/stupid is frequent but hurts me and also that storyline is not real so i pretend they are not there outside of this post

so all of this is just straihgt up clownery now because it's fucking absurd like logically, practically, human-wise. the kissing thing is inconsequential but it was such a lazy cheap way out lmao cos they really wanted it to seem consensual but that's not how it works. on top of that their attraction makes no sense because whatshisface is just there. he is just there. he's nothing and no one so the sentiments are even more empty and on top of that he doesnt listen to a single request fucking obviously because the basis of their relationship is fucking rape so fucking listening and respecting his partner is not on his list of fucking priorities. he's literally so fucking annoying even without being a rapist it's like someone please beat his ass.

and then after all of that you want us to feel bad? with your horrible writing, poorly misplaced music, stupid costumes (those fucking SHOES THEY ARE HIDEOUS, AND MOST OF THIER CLOTHES DO NOT FIT IT'S LIKE WHY), questionable fucking editing. we're supposed to wnat them together? this sounds literally fucking crazy but bear with me lmao even with the rape they could at least have SOMETHING i mean like i cant believe im fucking saaying this. but like in addicted heroin which is fuckin tragic and awful at least there's a MODICUM of interest but honestly that show s a fucknig drag. idk they lookd good together? here we have 0. nothing. and it doesnt motivate. watching obsessed again i can see why i liked it in the beginning bc they have good chemistry but the acting and production adn like everything about it plus the rape-y vibes it's just too much. you need to pick one thing so if you're going to be a shit writer at least supplement it with something. this thing is nothing.

and even more nonsensical and what boggles my mind frankly out of all this is the mother's involvement and the father's final response. there are NO consequences? theyre all happy?

ok so lets go through this:

1. 2 boys grow up 2gether, one of the boys is fucking psycho, the mother knows but does nothing??????????????

2. one of the sons moves out so his father doesn't get a hint that's he's fucking gay. ok fine. he has 2 best friends, a job, an apt. he is fine.

3. aforementioned brother is obsessed with him for SOME REASON besides being crazy?

3.5 no one has done anything during him growing up to help him not be crazy?

4. mom says to husband who is their father also just in case we forget "im afraid he will lose his humanity"

4.5 again, do nothing. 0. just like oh man hes crazy. guess that's just our son ;)

4. who cares. plies him with alcohol purposefully to rape him. not even dubious (even though dubious is fucked and not okay or is just not. fucking real. these shows are contextless when they want to be or even movies or whatever so it's like largely not up to the task to understand complexity in human rships and then oversimplifies it constantly because that's what we do IRL. but people have fucking feelings you know and we realize when things don't feel good or right to us either very quickly after or having to process it. and once you're eyes are opened you may feel as something was fucking ripped away from you. for the modc couple this would be a very logical conclusion for the high schooler the thirty year old dated but again logic or feelings are up to their whimsy. no one cares bc everything can be counted as dubious so honestly it's a fucking stupid fucking topic like again why are we litigating what is and isnt consent when you could just like idk. read cues? consent? wait? not be a freak? like we all know what is proper human shit so even if we are watching this uncritically which u cant bc it's glaring and stupid it's just even more dumb) so it was honestly a rape plot like he literally planned it soooooooooo??!?!

5. aftermath of rape the victim is like literally fucking bereft and confused. and a rape victim. like that's what they are insinuating and what also he is to be clear.

6. boy tells him "idc if i raped u i luv u lmao"

7. mom ENCOURAGED THE BOY to get him drunk because her other son was too nice? she encouraged her adult son to rape her adult step-son (but her real son because she repeatedly says you are my son and the dad does too THEY GREW UP TOGETHER WHEN THE KID WAS IN AN IMPRESSIONABLE STATE) so THIS ALSO MAKES EVEN LESS MOTHERFUCKING SENSE

8. everyone finds out about his rape and he isnt mortified he's just concerned about himself being gay to his dad?????? except it's not really about his gayness bc now it's about his sudden love for his rapist brother? which? hm ok. understandable the dad is like wow i do not think i like this

9. dad knows all of it is fucked up, everyone does, knows the mother fucked up, knows he fucked up. doesnt like it because he is normal. so we know this is terrible? ok great so—

10. father says "i can't accept this...but i'm willing to give you my blessing" ok see here's the thing. when you write you have to think about the things you are putting on the page and what you have written previously. this quite literally made no sense how the fuck are you going to not accept them but give them your blessing? does this crew know what the fuck words are? i'm assuming they went to some sort of school to obtain jobs here bc there cannot be natural talent or experience. maybe most of them are rich. fuck i do not know but this also makes no sense. just the literal logic of it it's like fucking insane the whiplash.

10.5 apparently this father is also shitty. everyone here sucks and they are basically begging me to think xing si is a fucking idiot so i dont even want to look at him if he is an object he doesnt matter so now i want to kick him. thanks a lot you made the victim get absolutely fucking nothing

they KEEP PUSHING the brother thing it is so insane and it's liek GUYS WE GET IT WE UNDERSTAND THEYRE "RELATED" BUT NOT RELATED SO IT'S OK HE WAS "RAPED" BUT NOT RAPED but you're GOING BACK ON YOUR OWN RULES!!!!!!!!!! WE GET THAT THEY ARE BROTHERS!!! WE'RE OVER IT NOW BUT WHAT IS THIS WHEN WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED SOMETHING? I AM CONFUSION? they flip flop between my son, my brother my actual brother, and cannot fucking distinguish between love for your father and love for your romantic partner? so to me what i see is that the father wants to fuck the son. that's the conclusion i am garnering now considering nothing matters and his love for his "brother" is the same as his love for his dad lmao. they couldnt even do that in a way that made sense. like damn anybody can get anything. these ppl who are doing this have to be fucking rich and/or have connections.

also this guy sounds literally like a textbook abuser like he says constantly "im the best choice" is a rapist is awful holds capital (oh hees "saving" smh ur trapping her!!!!! RETIRE!!!!) also wears terrible shoes so i am like ur alllllllllLLLLL FUCKING CRAZY ur all literally crazy and then they are trying to set rules and boundaries in their fucking house like WHY ARE THEY LIVING TOGETHER EVEN? even tho oh my god they know he raped him and for some reason they are both allowing to live in the house but they dont want them to have sex??!?!?!??!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! i get that this is their house but this is like at this point these ppl are writing anything and now whatshisface is acting like a 2 yr old again and we are supposed to find this cute? like it makes 0 sense why do u fucking care u literally encouraged ur son to rape him so they cant have consensual sex under your nose now and have to wait four years? this is coming from the son who couldnt wait until someone was sober enough to realize hes fucking psychotic and should be killed also the fact that they act like being 20 means u have no fucking brain like this kid is in med school supposedly how do we know like hes a liar and an idiot so. also wait do they mean undergrad? how are you in med school at 20? is he a genius? girl i dont care lmao i guess i missed that but it's not like it matters so whatever

even if we ignore the stupidity of the literal acts, the grossness of the content, the absolute inability to write coherently or even remotely in a way where we would even want to see them together which is like....u set it up at the beginning so he punches "the love his life's best friend" also holy fuck im sorry remember when he punches muren because xing si got too drunk. so i'm guessing whatshisface is that good of a bartender that he makes super strong drinks and gets xing si drunk but his alcohol is magical therefore it doesn't make him sick. his alcohol is the type that gets you drunk but somehow doesnt get to your liver even though that's how we get drunk but dont ask guys he's only in med school and a bartender so i think he knows best (seriously have the main writers had a day of fun in their lives? have they ever been drunk? are they toddlers? drunk babies could probably do better tho.) i get that he was also jealous but if this kid is SOOOOOO genius (he understands social cues lmao he has the cpacity to project onto his victim so im like miss me with the not understanding shit. go to a fucking therapist like seriously did no one care abt this kid? his mother thinks he's like almost a goddamn murderer. how is she not dead? how are they all not dead? how do any of them know how to drive with this type of brain?) then he would understand that they are very clearly friends since he watched them part in a very platonic way and since he apparently knows what love is cos he thinks....he can....make someone fall in love with him bc he loves them? again, i wouldnt know hes 20 and taiwanese and im 29 and black from AMERICA so im WESTERN* so you know. different life experiences i guess XD

even if we do mental gymnastics to get it to a place where they "had sex" and he didnt rape him there's 0 ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ties to the literal story they wrote and the rules they set up. i'm going ot assume they dont know wtf theyre doing and i know for a fact we all care more about their dumb show than they do but it's actually startling how piss poor this is it's like idek what to compare it to. the continuity is awful awful awful they needed a script supervisor majorly and they are making bank and are going to make fucking bank fof this shit. and itll just continue like that until IRL material changes and that's facilitated by these very same groups they choose to profit off of and exploit by propelling it into the mainstream and litigating homosexuality through capitalism. and i'm being specific with homosexuality. i dont want a GL market like at all and i know why we wouldnt have it either and that has everything to do with the nature of BL, capitalism, coercion, and the fanbase being young girls and women. i don't think in this day and age we can safely say all the fans are straight; i'm sure a majority but many women or people on the gender spectrum and sexuality spectrum also consume it. frankly, it's possible the women who write it could be or something too. i dont rly believe any1 is str8 lmao but im just saying it's not out of the realm of possibility. but it isnt about that at all. that's why we wont see "good" female characters (like well written) often that's why we won't see trans women or kathoeys or fat people or black asians in it. a lot of it is is a choice we participate in whatever. but holy fuck dude u could at least respect the audience's fucking intelligence. i'm talking about everything i think that is encapsulated in the project but it's even more jarring and worse because it's so insanely inconsistent and poorly done. like how we jump from one conclusion to another is wild to me. even their first "night together" and he wakes up im like girl....u no ur ass felt it. this nigga broke into his house and was like "im gonna have u" like it's getting weird

just make xing si suffer offscreen not us the stupidity is staggering, mind blowing, hilarious.

how wong kar wai, a straight man from HK (or at least married to a woman), or barry jenkins, a striahgt black man, write/do stories well about people they wouldnt knw about their experiences directly is....well thinking like using their brains and like knowing all types of people? the man who co-wrote moonlight is a hOMOSEXUAL, leslie cheung was fucking gay or queer (and he committed suicide and that's important also RIP homie) both are hailed as queer cinema like WKW wanted to do something else and invested time into it, changed the way he played around with structure, moved away from his crime oriented stuff. he THOUGHT about it and this film is about their reality. it's a harsh film, idk how i feel about it (but my fav movies of his are the crime ones or the messy ones where it's clear he didnt write a script lmao fallen angels is one of my fav movies its' abt assassins kinda) but i know it means something. and he didnt like what HK had previously wasnt enough. it is not the only cinema that should be shown since it's such a stark reality and depressing but it is a real depiction so we can have all sorts of stuff. no this isnt WKW level or moonlight level but i know for a fact these people think they are doing something because artists always do i say this as one and someone who is equally as useless. you're making a statement.

i also hate the westerner component of peoples analyses. first of all dont do cultural relativism. we can critique and respect. but second of all how are we going to keep saying "dont put western ideals on this" when that is what is happening anyway because that's part and parcel for soft power and capitalism. how about taiwan's history with the KMT? what about the regimes young people fought about? aided by US imperialism which permeates through society and affects material conditions, views, democracy, identity and that goes into culture and media. hm? what about that? is that reality too fucking western for people? that we are doing the same thing again now? is that okay to talk about or is that only on your time?

then there's the argument that this is just entertainment. yea no shit but the thing is if we r gonna talk about marginalized groups and watch bc of marginalized groups and then be expected to identify then i dont see why i cant put this in context. even if it wasnt fucking serious we'd still judge it. but it's so pompous and again like i wouldnt say EYE think it's art but it is "art" in the literal sense and no self respecting artist would ever go "man this means nothing." of course im not sure if they do respect themselves so hey but u cant just go oh man it's entertainment when it literally rests on the fact that HOMOS are MARGINALIZED. it literally rests on the fact that WOMEN ARE OBJECTS. you either want progress or you dont. i dont understand being so demanding but not beign specific in the demands and not trying to use your brain. if you dont want to use your brain don't. but if you are looking , engaging, and keep making these arguments or telling ppl it doesnt matter whilst complaining about how much others care is hypocritical at best, willfully obtuse at worst. both bad. :)

(also all this + another thing; it is insulting to have this like wedding happen based off of this stupid relationship when people fought so hard and had to push it. now they can use the material conditions to their advantage but it's so ridiculous. also because there is difficulty still in getting married in taiwan i'm honestly like....the boldness of the writers...)

[sakuatsu]

Started to caught up with haikyuu just now, fell RIDICULOUS HARD for sakuatsu and now my readings only vary from school essays to everything on your fic rec list,, I'm actually sad abt finishing it even if I just started LOL ur taste is just 😙👌 so yeah congrats on having the best tumblr blog ever (as elected by me, falling harder into my sakuatsu obsession). Kinda would like to ask if there's any must see/read fics/art u would recommend for a newbie like me! I trust ur judgment too much lmao.

anon i hope you know how ridiculously happy it made me to know that you trust my taste ;__; i will add some more just for you. you are too sweet. it’s incredibly easy to make me do things if you are nice to me OTL 

i’m going to put this under a cut because…this is going to get long. i have many sakuatsu thoughts, unfortunately. get them out of my brain please

sakuatsu fic, author, artist, art recs ^-^ this is by no means an absolute masterlist, i drafted this at 1am and scheduled it for like 10am and this is completely determined by my personal preference because i am just a human with a lot of enthusiasm for my interests. also this will be sfw 

casual plug, i’m helping run a sakuatsu zine @sayforinstancezine​ 💫 i’m really excited about this project and this creative team :’) if you want more sakuatsu content, please consider supporting us! our contributor list will be coming out soon ✨ we’ll be featuring sakuatsu art and writing!  

extra fic recs

check out my original fic rec list and the first couple pages of the sakuatsu tag sorted by kudos first though. this isn’t too long because i haven’t been reading fic as much recently due to Life (but i can run through what’s in my tabs atm if anyone is interested?) these are sort of off the top of my head/bookmarks

cyclostationary by catalysis (3.2k, T) 

So, Atsumu’s wrong. Winters in Osaka are much colder than winters in Hyogo ever were.

between the cracks, where you belong by awkwardedgeworth (1.9k, T)

On court, Miya Atsumu doesn't belong to him. As setter, he is owned by anyone and everyone. He belongs to Foster, their dietitian, the PR team, Hinata, the blockers, the spikers and also to Sakusa.

When Sakusa jolts awake from the train ride, he sees rice paddies faraway and remembers that Atsumu also used to belong to someone else entirely.

Sakusa watches Atsumu from Kita's engawa, nibbling on a watermelon while the two former captains of Inarizaki are plucking Kita's singular plum tree, the branches heavy and drooping.

post olympics, sakusa reflects on atsumu as they visit their families.

my universe in all its glory by wheelspokes (2.8k, T)

At sixteen, Kiyoomi devotes himself to routine by drafting his life plan and forgets to account for Miya Atsumu ruining every prediction he's ever had.

one life, one encounter by bastigod (5.7k, G) 

It is a sin to tell a lie to your fellow man, but it is a greater sin to lie to yourself.

a tender perennial by astroeulogy (note: this was originally written/published pre-sakukomo cousins reveal, but it has been rewritten in iizuna pov. i will link to the rewrite in chapter 2) 

But the truth—the harshest and simplest truth, the truth Hanahaki taught him first and foremost—is that the world isn’t kind or unkind. It simply is. And to thrive, all anyone can do is grow around it.

author recs

these writers all have fairly sizeable sakuatsu tags in their works and i highly recommend just about everything they write (this isn’t in any particular order but i hope you have fun) 

astroeulogy, awkwardedgeworth, hhatsuna, bastigod, wheelspokes, DeathBelle, wordstruck, pseudoanalytics, volchitsae

artist recs

i did a sakuatsu tumblr artists + twitter artists in another ask so i’ll just link to that because i am tired

throttlee, who asked the question, is also a phenomenal artist, so please check them out and support their beautiful work !!!

art recs 

a good chunk are in my tumblr #fave tag, but i’ll pull some highlights out

“abcs with sakuatsu”: https://adooboo.tumblr.com/post/632833079364452352/

“but i’m not done yet falling for your fool’s gold”: https://hawberries.tumblr.com/post/632369842730811392

“frowning at each other”: https://throttlee.tumblr.com/post/630719483291615232

“a day off they spent together.” https://milubee.tumblr.com/post/630613629334601728/

“assholes to lovers”: https://hawberries.tumblr.com/post/630146267124776960 

“late noon”: https://zoabab.tumblr.com/post/624770344658567168/

volleyball monthly: https://newttxt.tumblr.com/post/623637969607213056/

evening street: https://bentomi.tumblr.com/post/615373666990063616

“sakusa: sorry miya if this looks gay to the viewers”: https://newttxt.tumblr.com/post/626209583467216896/

here’s some from my recent twitter bookmarks

msby alternate uniforms: https://twitter.com/dalla_nebbia/status/1325822957709651968?s=20

sakuatsu domestic cleaning: https://twitter.com/chanchaonanu/status/1306279458412748806?s=20

fake sakuatsu haikyuu manga cover: https://twitter.com/anta_baka00/status/1324412655629602816?s=20

sakusa and a dog (not sakuatsu but it’s excellent): https://twitter.com/saJohnnyApple/status/1323671844164001792?s=20

major character death sakuatsu comic (cw vehicular accidents + drowning): https://twitter.com/anta_baka00/status/1322795172636209152?s=20

a fun little animation from the light novel cover: https://twitter.com/OM1KUN/status/1321293528765530112?s=20

“intimacy”: https://twitter.com/creamryn/status/1318972385828233217?s=20

mermaid sakuatsu: https://twitter.com/Bi_sidka/status/1318164389069877248?s=20

“your lips, my lips, apocalypse”: https://twitter.com/anta_baka00/status/1309483293713166338?s=20

atsumu blep: https://twitter.com/_impepper/status/1302550681320976385?s=20  

hope you found that helpful !! thanks for trusting me with your introduction to this disaster duo  

[sunaluvr]

Congrats on your 100 followers!!!

Can I have a male haikyuu matchup?

Mbti: ISFP-T

Some other personality description: very cold to new people but wild and weird around close friends. always act tough but actually very sensitive and cry baby and always bottle up my feelings. stubborn, determine and independent and always too afriad to ask for help because too scare to bother people. My mood changes really quick so I'm quick to lose my temper and get annoyed easily. Tend to run away from stressful situation because i can't cope well under high pressure situation. Will pour my heart and soul into a relationship even will change myself if it means they will "like me more". Get awkward and cringe at myself easily (even if it's just me having a music jamming session all by myself). Can be very very very clingy but I'm kinda bit tsundere

Love language: words of affirmation, physical touch, action and quality time

What i look for in s/o: loyalty, sweet and caring, protective/dominance, able to accpet every part of me

Hobbies: listen to songs, play video games, watch pro players stream playing video games or watch esport tournament

Pronouns: she/her

Random facts about me: very picky eater. Love wearing skirts and dresses. Tend to lose my temper and scream at my teammate in video game lmao. Always say weird weifd stuff when I'm lacking sleep even tho i can still function normally.

Fav place: i am not sure about fav scenario so i will just write out one of my favourite places which is the ocean. I went on a cruise trip once, and i literally just spent most my time sitting on the deck and looked at the waves and ocean and feel the wind and sometimes you will get to see jellyfish swim passed the cruise. And not to mention the amount of stars you get to see at night 😭

Thank you for doing my request!

ur v welcome anonie!!

i ship u with.. kuroo tetsurou ♡

he's the biggest simp for skirts and dresses-

u wear that in front of him and he's gonna go 😳💣💥🪦

he helps u pick out which ones to buy

because he tags along when u go shopping fhkfjf

he says it's because the mall has good pretzels but rly he has fun watching u try new clothes on

NOT LIKE THAT he just

thinks ur gorgeous and he's weak for you

always like "hmmm i think u should try on one more"

PLS he's not slick </3

you and kuroo have the kind of love where you can be ur authentic selves with each other

so there's no need to change yourself for this boy

i think he'd also be able to handle situations where ur mood changes really well and help calm you down!!

and he's not gonna let you bottle up your feelings

it hurts him to see you not expressing how you feel

so he's gonna make it 100% known that you can always come to him

no matter what's up, he's gonna listen and try to make it better

he also makes sure to let you be your own person

also!!! he takes u on night dates to the ocean

he brings a blanket for you guys to sit on :')

and he holds you so close while you listen to the sound of the waves crashing

n look up at the night sky

he gives u a little science lesson on the stars hfjf it's inevitable

headcanon is that one time one time u guys were having a jam out session and dancing n he shook his ass and was actually really good at it LMAO

♡------------------------------------------------♡

[holyxvi]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

Fill out & repost! This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: Canon / OC / AU / Canon-divergent / Fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. ( I’d say Mateus fans are a ~small~ collective )

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO.

Are they underrated? YES / NO. ( I’d say so, many other villains of FF get the limelight a lot, but Mateus isn’t really touched imo )

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?

FFII as a game itself doesn’t have a lot of canon for Mateus to really go by, much less for the rest of the cast themselves, but for what is there, I follow it heavily. Game and Novel are my primary sources, DISSIDIA doesn’t really count as it’s only a campy, abridged version of all the characters ( and sometimes even makes the characters things they are not, which unfortunately the fandom follows :/ ).

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.

For an empire that was ( according to the novel at least ) mostly forgotten about to the world to spontaneously rise up and bring fourth chaos as it did to a point where the whole planet was at war with it is a impressive feat in itself. Mateus’ actions set a lot of firsts for the series from then on that would either be repeated or called back to in later games ( i.e. Mateus having poisoned the wyverns is akin to Kefka poisoning Doma Castle in VI ). Also the fact that this man literally put up fists with both God and Satan and usurped their places? Like bro, that’s metal as fuck.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?)

*insert jokes about how he looks like Jareth the Goblin King, how hot Mateus is to a point where it makes people obliged to disclose their weird fantasies, roleplaying him as an absolute mean-girl and missing the point of his character entirely*

...No, I’m not salty, not at all. What gave you that idea? /s

What inspired you to RP your muse?

I’ve been into FF for awhile prior to joining in 2017 due to a friend, and I hadn’t even been in the RP scene since my Cringy Days on Gaia Online back in 2010. I was a total airhead who never even played II and I just liked Mateus’ design until I begun doing my own research and even diving into the game itself.

What keeps your inspiration going?

Mateus has evolved into a coping mechanism I never even knew I needed, but he’s a welcomed one. There’s not a day in hell that I don’t think about him or II itself, and the people who stay around usually encourage me to keep furthering my portrayal and whatnot. :)

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO.

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO. ( I think of more HCs than RP replies lmao )

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO. ( Occansionally )

Do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO. ( head empty its Thinking of Mateus Palamecia Hours )

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO. ( I have what the kids call Low Self Esteem )

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO.

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

I’d accept it well if it was constructive, not something like “oh u suck” or “why don’t you play your character the way I want you to play him???”.  I’m willing to improve and learn, I’ve been doing it for all this time.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?

Maybe too much, sometimes people will hit me with things I never even thought of and that’s when my brain gets really cranking.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

I don’t have to like your HCs and you don’t have to like mine, that’s all I can really say to that. As interesting as the conversation might be as well, I wouldn’t want to know why, I made that mistake once with a duplicate and never again am I doing that.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, Felicia. There’s more things in this world to worry about than some scrub who hates my BPD/Traumatized portrayal of the Emperor.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

Your choice to have bad taste, not mine lol.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

I make a LOT of errors and sometimes even use the wrong words and don’t see it until later, having ADHD/Asperger brain makes writing a chore sometimes so if you notice something, feel free to point it out.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?

Perhaps I am, probably not “oh sweet babu uwu ur so spehscial” easy going, but I like to think I’m nice to a degree if I’m tolerable to all the people that follow me. For all the shit I’ve gone through on here, you’d think I’d be more rough around the edges, but nah. Just some things I’m very skiddish about or avoid entirely.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by: @xkuja​ bc this looked fun and the police can never catch Me

Tagging: Take it, say I tagged you, call Mateus and me stinky idc.

[snippyrocket]

Dating Proton is a bad life choice, don’t do it. Dating Pros and Cons.

Tagged by: tea is at it again skjdhkjdsf @pacifidive​ Tagging: whoever hasn’t done this while I was at work earlier this week I GUESS

PROS

When he really makes a real, true connection with someone -- he’s in it until the very end. You won’t find anyone who’ll fight someone’s corner and stand by them quite as fiercely as he does.

He’s suuuuuuuper outgoing. Proton will be his partner’s cheerleader and push them to do things they wouldn’t otherwise do. DO IT!! DO YOU!!!!

All he wants is to have fun. That’s it, that’s the goal. Ultimately, he wants the people he surrounds himself with to enjoy themselves and enjoy his company. Yes, he can be extremely selfish, he can be an annoying jerk, but he’s also a big people pleaser at his core. He wants to be liked and he does not enjoy being lonesome.

If you’re one of those people who love to see their partner turn up to breakfast in nothing but one of your own shirts, congrats, because his short, barely functioning, tired ass is just gonna pick up the nearest piece of clothing and walk around in that. He doesn’t have to look far to cover up AND he gets to smell like his partner. Double bonus.

If ur not ok with that, disregard that above bullet point but accept that ur not gonna change him.

He’s actually kinda tolerant. I guess, being an awful person himself, he’s willing to forgive and put up with a lot of stuff. Or maybe he’s just a fucking sucker with little self-value lmao.

If u can EVENTUALLY break down all of that emotional distancing and see past his awful personality issues and earn his trust??? He’s a Big Cuddler -- a real Soft Boy when the relationship is right. He just wants to laze and tangle his limbs around somebody and twist their hair between his fingers but uhhhh aha as if that’ll ever happen. Pft.

I hope you enjoy attention because he wants to give it to you every free moment he’s got. And get it in return. Reciprocal attention, isn’t that great?

Even tho he’s barely got time, the time he DOES have??? It belongs to his partner. He’s never too tired to hang out and do something. He is spontaneous and ready!!! for!!! anything!!!

Speaking of being ready... He’s Always Ready. ;))))) If u catch my drift.

I hope u like lots of gifts because he is here to buy ur love. He doesn’t know what u want but he’ll always want to bring SOMETHING. Bribery is the best way to anyone’s heart right?

CONS

Gremlin personality!!!!!!! His hobby is irritating people for shits and giggles. You’ll get tired of his bullshit very quickly. He’ll probably embarrass you in public. A lot.

Very bad fashion sense.

He needs someone unafraid to challenge him, because honestly? Sometimes he doesn’t know he’s pushing boundaries. Sometimes he’s a total fucking prick and won’t acknowledge his own bullshit unless he’s made to. Sometimes he falls into bad habits and doesn’t feel like making it right. Conflict is how we grow. Call him out. He’ll appreciate it when he’s finished sulking about it. Maybe. ;)

He’s very demanding of attention... Sometimes. Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, he can’t stand to be left alone. He needs his partner. Don’t you see that he’ll shrivel and die if u ignore him for 0.5 seconds!?

And then he’ll ghost u out of the blue because he’s unreasonable and petty and stupid like that but don’t u dare demand attention from him the same way he suddenly does!!! That’s not how it works!

Proton can be all kinds of aggressive. Passive aggressive. Aggressive aggressive. He’s moody, foul tempered, and snippy as fuck.

I’m just describing a cat right now i guess so PREPARE TO HAVE A CAT I GUESS?

He’s a massive hypocrite. He constantly flip-flops on his feelings, especially if it’s proving difficult or makes him feel vulnerable in any way.

Bad with kids. Bad at doing the whole ‘family’ thing in general. Don’t expect a ‘family’ dynamic that isn’t anything but chaotic as fuck.

He has some serious abandonment issues and can be a bit... Needy? lol.

Zero back-up plans. He’s gone all-in with his Evil Career Path and has nothing to fall back on if it doesn’t work out. Good luck finding him regular work.

A partner would be a liability -- something to be used against him. He doesn’t like that, and he’d need to be with someone who could take care of themselves in his absence, or he might go mad with paranoia and worry.

Awful at budgeting. And just making generally good life choices. You’ll have to nag him to put all of that ill-gotten money into something worthwhile, lest he fritter it away on something pointless. He might even spend yours if you let him. Don’t do that to yourself.

He’s a Rocket Executive. He literally doesn’t have the time. If he’s too busy working to see his own Grandma, then he’s too busy to see you. His ‘relationships’ are all quick flings whoops WILL HE EVER GET SERIOUS???? WE DOUBT.

He’s a Rocket Executive. He’s murdered people and done a lot of shady shit. He’ll probably either die or be arrested at some point in the relationship, and that’s more than a bit inconvenient for any potential partner to face. 

HE’S A ROCKET EXECUTIVE? HE’S VERY BAD NEWS. WHY WOULD YOU DATE HIM?

[punkcherries]

get ready to rrrrrumble

jesus christ this is a long ass submission so uh puts it in a read more also puts my txt in bold so its easier to read 👍

Right, so I’ve just read everything that happened in the last few asks you got and I’m just gonna sit down and tell you this right now. You better strap the fuck in because this is long and if you’re not gonna read it, shame on you, because all of this is specifically about YOU and the problems people have with you (the people Blu mentioned). First off, I’m not Blu, so don’t go and start calling him names in your server because you’re finally, FINALLY, being called out on all the bullshit you do. I used to be your friend, I left on semi-good terms, and this entire thing is going to explain WHY I left + why you need to square the fuck up.

sounds like fun whoever u are

You need to get your shit together and seriously change yourself, but of course you’re not gonna do that, because you’re an incompetent piece of shit who has your head so far up your ass you can’t see all the things you do wrong. You act like you’re the person who suffers the most, and that anytime anyone is rude to you it’s THEIR fault, not the fact that you did something terrible to someone or that you started some drama. I’ve been fed up with this shit for months, and have been hesitant to say anything directly to your face, because you don’t even know me that well and we hardly talked. We did interact a few times, but those few times were absolute hell to me, because I must have literally retracted some kind of disease just from being near you. You are the fucking EMBODIMENT of tumblrina, and it’s so fucking sad because you weren’t like this before (based on what a few others have told me).

the use of tumblrina here is jus makin me laugh ur a funny guy buddy but i feel like my past self is worse thn my current self like past me participated in cringe culture so like ew

The way you talk? Absolutely fucking horrid. Sit the fuck up and talk like a normal goddamn human being. I’m here to talk to you, not to decipher some 57 commas and abhorrid shortening of words. Jesus fucking Christ Sombre, I can understand Internet slang and cutting some words up, but you fucking butcher the English language so bad it literally sounds like a toddler having a stroke while mashing at their keyboard. It’s “that” not “tht”, it’s ���thing” not “thng”, it’s “something” not “smth”, and for GOD FUCKING SAKES IT’S “THE” NOT “TH”. ARE YOU LITERALLY SO FUCKING LAZY THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN TYPE “THE”, A THREE LETTER WORD. I don’t give a shit if you’re talking like this to sound like an anxious uwu tumblr piece of SHIT, it sounds fucking IDIOTIC and it’s an ABSO-FUCKING-LUTE PAIN TO READ.

language is fake and is mostly just sounds we give meaning, im very sorry if you have trouble reading the way i type and id be more than happy to try and not speak to you like i usually do to everyone else if you just asked politely and talked it out with me (tho the idiotic part is accurate im not very smart lmao)

SPEAKING OF YOUR TUMBLR, LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR UPSET.TXT TAG. If you think anyone is gonna pity you, SPOILER ALERT! THEY’RE FUCKING NOT. Unless they’re your shitty “friends”, NOBODY fucking gives a shit, alrighty? Speaking from my perspective and a few others, nobody’s gonna see this venting on their dashboard and give two shits. Unless they’re your mutuals, they won’t care and it just leaves a bad impression. It’s pathetic how when ANYTHING negative happens to you, you decide to take to Tumblr to boo hoo crypost about it. You wanna vent? You wanna cry yourself to sleep? Cool, talk about it on your server, NOT FUCKING TUMBLR, WHERE LITERALLY ANYONE CAN SEE IT. This is just like how Facebook used to be, you see these posts of people posting personal shit and getting bit in the ass for it later, YEAH WELL THAT’S WHAT’S HAPPENING TO YOU RIGHT NOW BUDDY. DON’T LIKE IT? DON’T FUCKING VENT ON TUMBLR.

i rarely vent on here dude like?? do you see the time gaps between the posts in my vent tag? its also my blog so i can post whatever i like as long as im not hurting anyone yo, plus the point of venting for me at least isnt to like get attention or sympathy its to let off some steam not to mention most to all of my vent posts are vague as hell so like…. why do you even care though?? if i get bit in the ass then thats my problem not yours

Right, so let’s talk about your “im gay” tag too! You identify as male, correct? That’s cool! Congrats. But you’re not gay if you clearly show an interest in girls. Doesn’t matter if they’re fictional or not. Your “im gay” tag is filled with girls (Bismuth, some anime girl, pinup girls). NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE! You’re male, those are females! Opposite genders! That means you’re NOT GAY! WOAAAAAH! So who are you to be reblogging and posting all this shit about how hetero people are the devil, hetero people are the worst wah wah, when you yourself identify as a guy and clearly seem to be interested in girls, even if just a little?

dude i used to identify as nonbinary i only recently started identifying as male, hell i used to identify as female ages back so like? the posts in that tag are most to all old and i do realize my attraction to girls isnt gay, hence why ive only been referring to my attraction to dudes as me being gay post-male identification i guess

Speaking of all the heterophobic shit you reblog, have you not considered it could make some of your followers feel absolutely terrible? I’m bi myself, I like both guys and girls, but holy FUCK when I see that shit on your blog it makes me feel guilty for liking guys at all! Is that how you want people to feel? Whether they’re pan, bi, or straight, that shit’s literally so fucking damaging and it sure as hell hurts to see! And don’t throw that “some of those posts are jokes” bullshit at me, because guess the fuck what! They may be jokes to people who aren’t hetero, but they sure as hell don’t seem like jokes to those who are! How would you feel if I made a joke that was even SLIGHTLY negative towards homosexuals? Wait, no, don’t answer that, because I already know how you’d feel. You’d get pissy, you’d stomp your little baby feet over to Tumblr, and then crypost about it, saying you’re facing homophobia and being harassed blah blah blah.

HETEROPHOBIC IM LAUGHING…. buddy…. pal…. heterophobia is fake and im very sorry if those post make you feel bad as a bisexual person (im also bi so) but heterophobia isnt actually a thing, comparing jokes directed at straight people to lgbtphobia is inherently lgbtphobic as it compares little jokes most to all directed at bigoted/ignorant straights to something that can often result in the actual literal death of hundreds of people for their gender/orientation- that doesnt happen to straight people dude

Also: you don’t have autism. Were you officially diagnosed? Because I’m gonna be real fuckin’ honest, it doesn’t sound like you have autism. You sure have something, hoh yeah, but it’s sure as hell not autism. You put your “autism” up on a pedestal and act like it’s one of the only things about you, like no hunty, your mental illness doesn’t define you. Nobody gives a shit, okay? Your mental illness isn’t an excuse to act like a literal fuckface, it’s not an excuse to treat people like shit, and it sure as hell isn’t an excuse to blame everything on others and make yourself out to be the good guy because “my autism made me anxious or forget things ;w;”. This is the exact kind of tumblrina thing I’m talking about, people on this goddamn website act like their mental illness is the only quality about them and that not being neurotypical makes them special. NEWS-FUCKIN-FLASH, it doesn’t. It really doesn’t. You don’t see me using my mental illness as an excuse for my actions, because I actually step the fuck up and take responsibility for shit I’ve caused. My mental illness does not define me. There’s more to me than that. You need to realize that your fake-ass autism isn’t an excuse for you to be a fucking asshole to the people around you, and that your actions do have consequences. Stop blaming others for shit you’ve caused, stop calling people jackasses when it’s YOU who’s insulting people and twisting the truth, and for the love of God tell your white knights of friends to shut the FUCK up if they don’t know all the details of a situation.

i was technically diagnosed albeit in a nontraditional fashion (a psych at our middleschool was the one who diagnosed me) and i have never defined myself solely by my autism nor have i used it as an excuse for my fuck ups, ive literally apologized and stopped doing the things i did since the blu incident, i recognize i fucked up there and i apologized and i havent done the whole lying out of anxiety thing since, also my white knights of friends??? YOURE the one coming into MY inbox to tell me how shit i am after i blocked blu i literally just want this to be over leave me alone dude

Alright, so now that we’re done talking about YOU, let’s talk about your fandoms. You like Osomatsu-San. Okay, that’s fine. What’s not fine is how FUCKING obsessive you are about it. There’s nothing wrong with liking something and being attached to characters, making art of it, having a blog, reblogging it, talking about it, that’s okay. That’s okay! But you? You fucking hold the characters so close and act like they’re your own characters. You get upset when something doesn’t go your way in the show. This was evidenced by how many times you’ve complained about episodes (guess where? upset.txt) after they’ve come out. That anon about the straight joke? You got so heated over that, didn’t you? Saying Chibita was “out of character”, BITCH, what do you fucking know? He’s not your goddamn character! The writers will write him however the fuck they want. It’s THEIR fucking show, it’s THEIR fucking characters, and it’s THEIR decision of who does what and who acts like what. There’s a VERY thick line between canon and fanon, and you can’t seem to distinguish that AT ALL. You merge your shitty headcanons with the canon universe, and when something doesn’t go your way, you FREAK THE FUCK OUT and go crying about it in your server or on your tags.

youre blowing that ONE FUCKING POST so out of proportion ive never complained abt ososan in upset.txt outside of MAYBE episode 4 and that would be because of the NONCONSENSUAL SEX SCENE i KNOW my headcanons arent canon i KNOW that the chibita/snowtoko complaint was MINOR and i fucking LIKED THAT EPISODE A LOT!! i didnt cry i just felt that based on how the staff have characterized chibita up until that point it was a little jarring to see him react like he did THAT IS ALL! what the fuck!! how would you even know what i talk about in my servers!! youre obviously misinformed my guy!!!

Lemme tell you something, Sombre: Karabita isn’t canon. OH SHIT! I SAID IT BOYS! THAT’S A FUCKING CURSE ISN’T IT!! No, sorry, sit the fuck down and suck those tears up, because it’s true. It’s not canon. It isn’t. You grasp at straws to say it is, but it isn’t. Chibita wore somehing blue? Oh shit, it’s Karamatsu! He’s clearly in love with him! No, sorry honey, that’s not how it works. Of course Chibita would feel pity on him and let him stay with him (ep 24), because who wouldn’t? That doesn’t mean they’re dating. Karamatsu may be the most bisexual person ever, but he sure as hell isn’t dating Chibita (at least, not canonly). Speaking of Chibita, you need to stop acting like any other Matsu x Chibita ship is literal hell. They’re not. There are some decent ones out there, and although they’re rarepairs by now, they’re a lot better quality than the Karabita bullshit you spew out.

me saying karabita is canon is a joke, and my disdain for non karabita matsubita ships is based half in coping reasons and half in chibita has literally no chemistry with the other matsus and seems to not like any of the other bros at all whereas hes actually shown some level of tolerance or interest in karamatsu

While we’re on the subject of non-canon ships, Atsutodo isn’t canon either. Fuck’s sake, they were on screen together for 10 damn seconds. Yes, I’m aware there’s card art of Atsushi and Todomatsu having a meal together, but they’re very clearly not dating if Todomatsu is still going out with girls and holding their hands etc. Oh, speaking of Todomatsu: Your trans hc of him? Generic as fuck. He’s not trans. Call me a transphobe, I don’t give a shit, but he’s not trans. Look at the -kun animes. He’s a guy. Where in his life would he have magically been a girl and then go right back to a guy? The time span between a 12 year old and a 21 year old isn’t long enough to allow you time to transition. In that day and age, it wasn’t even acceptable to be transgender. So none of the Matsus are trans, get that out of your head. Get those “autism hcs” out of your head too, because I KNOW you hc Kara and Jyushi as autistic (and I’m aware you used to headcanon Ichimatsu as autistic too, but we’ll get to that later).

i know atsutodo isnt canon i never said it was all the “x ship is canon” jokes are about karabita and theyre jokes dude, i just think atsutodo would be cute. why the fuck do you even care about my trans hcs?? theyre HEADCANONS they dont HURT ANYONE and like dude there are trans children out there….. stop being a fuckface about simple headcanons what the fuck.

Lemme tell ya something. Karamatsu sure as hell isn’t autistic. Literally the only reason you headcanon him as such is because you yourself claim to be autistic and because “uwu he’s m fav,,,, i relate to him,,,”. Also, I realize “jyushi is autistic xD” headcanons are common, but JESUS FUCK it’s time for them to die. Jyushimatsu is just bizarre in and out, it’s his personality and his way of life. If you’re gonna hc him as autistic for his personality, you’re obviously ignoring his physical abilities. What about that time he cloned himself? Grew different sizes? What about how he seemingly has no bones (tentacle arms)? But oh, let’s ignore that, because he’s always got a smile on his face and he has a childish personality so DURR HE’S OBVIOUSLY AUTISTIC. Also, you used to headcanon Ichimatsu as autistic, but as soon as you started hating him you threw that headcanon out the window. This is PROOF you only headcanon your favorite characters as autistic, and that’s some of the STUPIDEST shit ever.

literally just let people headcanon what they want if it doesnt hurt anyone, im sure in canon theyre not autistic but this is HEADCANON. and is this also to imply that just because a character can do bizarre thing with theyre body they cant also be autistic?? what the fuck does that have to do with anything??? and i didnt throw my autistic ichi hc out the window because “i hate him” i dont even hate him im indifferent to him i hate his fanon incarnation because its stupidly out of character and one note, i also didnt even drop the autism hc for him i feel like he definitely 100% could be autistic but i just dont think about it as much because i think about other characters more than i think about him

Oh yeah, I’d love to hear why you hate Ichimatsu so much? Shut up, I know it’s because “hhhh he abuses kara” but that’s fucking wrong. Listen, Ichimatsu isn’t exactly my favorite either but at least I don’t make him out to be a fucking asshole to Karamatsu. All of the brothers have treated Karamatsu like shit at one point or another. They’ve thrown things at him, ditched him, called him names, ignored him, it’s a fucking trope in the anime that Karamatsu was the one to get hurt. Sure, season 2 has kinda turned that around, but the whole “Ichimatsu is bitter to Karamatsu” thing is the dynamic between them. They DO have moments where they’re not onto each other, though. See how Ichimatsu followed Karamatsu into the woods? Remember the episode where they switched clothes? They didn’t kill each other neither of those times, did they? And yes, I’m aware Ichimatsu has hurt Karamatsu at times (the bazooka, I think smacking?) but he doesn’t LITERALLY ABUSE HIM. You don’t see him kicking him around, PUNCHING HIM, HITTING HIM, EVERY SECOND OF HIS LIFE. Yes, he calls him names. Yes, he’s threatened to hurt him (“I’ll kill you, Shittymatsu.”) but he’s been stopped or HAS stopped every time. If he really was so intent on hurting Karamatsu, don’t you think he wouldn’t ignore his brothers and hurt Karamatsu anyway? But no, he didn’t, and he stopped each time he grabbed Kara. That’s because the entire “Ichimatsu despises Karamatsu” thing is a GAG in the show. It’s meant to be funny. It’s not meant for your negative ass to label it as abuse and then boohoo about it every time Ichimatsu is mentioned. That’s not a valid reason to hate a character, hell, even Karamatsu’s seiyuu said in a Doramatsu CD that Karamatsu was just comic relief. And if you’re gonna look for a reason why Ichimatsu dislikes Karamatsu, consider the hinted and well-supported reason: Ichimatsu “hates” Karamatsu because of how confident he is and how he can always be himself. Ichi is insecure. Ichi is antisocial. Kara, on the other hand, can express himself and show how “cool” he is. Consider that Ichimatsu wants to be more like him, hence why he said he’s the “number one Karamatsu boy” in that one episode.

okay this is just ridiculous i DONT HATE ICHIMATSU and i KNOW its a GAG, i KNOW they get along sometimes i KNOW all the brothers have shat on kara I KNOW THIS abuse takes many forms though and in a more serious anime the way the bros treat kara would probably be depicted as abusive, but it isnt a serious anime so its a gag and i understand that thats FINE, did you even watch the ichimatsu incident? ichimatsu got plenty fucking pissed off at karamatsu and stuff and the “number one karamatsu boy” nonsense was him being concerned about how karamatsu might think of him as such not him calling himself a karamatsu boy, and yes i know the whole ichi wants to be cool and confident like kara thing i understand that but even so that wouldnt logically excuse his bitterness toward kara but again, its a gag anime so its whatever, youre also ignoring the facet of his disdain towards kara being in part because kara is also vain and ichi finds this annoying and thinks kara is fake as hell because of it there was something in i think a magazine where the bros are all asked what they think of eachother i think and i THINK ichi said something along the lines of him not liking kara because he fakes being nice for the sake of his own ego or something (which is likely ichi just having a negative image of kara rather than that actually being the case because i dont think karas that smart but who knows i dont!!) so like y’know

In conclusion, I would like to say you need to shut the fuck up and chill with your fandoms and headcanons, realize headcanons aren’t canon, and also get your head out of your ass. You’ve done so many wrong things and need to stop blaming them on others. You’ve lied, insulted, and put the blame on so many of your old friends, you’ve avoided people who you deem “toxic” (simply because they have different opinions than you), you think people can’t form their own opinions, and you don’t back up your friends when they’re getting shittalked. You act like an assoholic brat and cannot, for the life of you, open up your eyes and see this. You’re lucky the dicktwats on your server are there for you, because if they weren’t, you’d be all alone, and honestly? That seems pretty good at this point. Fits you perfectly.

i know headcanons arent canon, i know ive lied (though ive really only insulted people who were dicks to my friends and maybe blu which probably not a good thing but i mean hes also insulted me so?? even i guess??) and i regret that, im more honest now and try my best to show kindness to people who have done me and my friends no wrong, ive only ever put blame on blu i literally dont blame anyone else for anything, i dont avoid people i deem “toxic” i avoid people i dont get along with because if i dont get along with them then theres no reason to talk to them im gonna let them live their lives, of course i think people can form their own opinions what on earth are you talking about???? when did i not back up a friend when they got shit talked?? i dont remember that but id like to deeply apologize if i ever did, unless youre talking about when someone in my server insults blu over ykno… him not leaving me alone and harassing me when ive done nothing but mind my own business since the incident, then while it was kind of uncomfortable for me because i felt it was the wrong thing to do i couldnt exactly muster the words to protest it. im very sorry you feel that way im always trying to improve and i like to think that im making some level of progress in being more sensitive and kind to those around me. but also dont insult my friends they didnt do shit weve been minding our own goddamn business this entire time blu is the one who started it back up again.

Now, go back to crying in your server and soaking in self-deprication, fuckass.

yknow i get the feeling i know who this is but i dont want to jump to any conclusions so, uh, okay! see ya my dude :0c

[rhodopsins]

in those memories from the past (we were so beautiful)

sungyeol/myungsoo ; 2.1k

12:20 woohyunie: guess what fuckers 12:26 howonie: what 12:26 sungyeolie: no one cares 12:26 woohyunie: obviously you guys care 12:26 woohyunie: otherwise you wouldn’t have responded 12:26 woohyunie: lmao 12:26 howonie: ugh just spit it out alr lol 12:26 howonie: so we can all continue with our lives 12:27 sungyeolie: ur literally the most annoying person on this planet 12:27 woohyunie: thank you :) 12:27 woohyunie: i appreciate that 12:27 woohyunie: you know 12:27 woohyunie: i really do 12:27 woohyunie: it warms the cockles of my heart 12:27 woohyunie: anyway guess who got into snu 12:27 woohyunie: for business 12:27 woohyunie: that’s right it’s me 12:28 howonie: congrats 12:28 howonie: also what the fuck 12:28 howonie: is a cockle 12:28 sungyeolie: no one cares 12:28 sungyeolie: jk gj woohoo do u want a gold star 12:28 sungyeolie: oppa ur so cool!!!! 12:29 sungyeolie: wow namu!!!! gj!!!!!!!!! 12:29 woohyunie: shut the fuck up dooly 12:29 woohyunie: sunggyu-hyung is gonna marry me now 12:29 woohyunie: since i’ll be making bank 12:29 woohyunie: and i’ll be there for him forever 12:30 woohyunie: we are gonna have a house 12:30 woohyunie: with a white picket fence 12:30 woohyunie: and as many children as he can give me 12:30 howonie: ok u can stop now 12:30 howonie: like srsly its getting gross 12:30 howonie: dont think i dont see u doodling on ur notes 12:30 howonie: “nam sunggyu” ??? rly ??? 12:30 howonie: btw he would never take ur last name 12:31 woohyunie: but our kids will have my last name 12:31 woohyunie: and that’s all that matters :) 12:31 sungyeolie: ugh shut up lmao 12:31 woohyunie: don’t be salty :D

it’s been building up for a while. sungyeol knows that he really doesn’t have any right to be angry or upset or annoyed, even, about all of this. it’s just biology. it’s just nature. but he thinks that in a world where the majority of the population is comprised of betas, that he would have the luck to have friends that aren’t two of the most testosterone-driven alphas he’s ever had the misfortune of meeting in his entire life.

that’s not true, of course. he loves howon and woohyun, loves them like the older brothers he wishes he had instead of a younger brother whom he thinks might possibly hate him sometimes. but they just don’t understand.

they don’t understand what it could possibly be like to want someone he’s not ever supposed to be with. they don’t understand what it’s like to be sneered at whenever he walks myungsoo down to 2-b, to be stared at through the windows by the alphas in the classroom. you’re not supposed to be with him. because you’re a beta, their stares read. go find a cute beta girl who’ll make you happy and leave him for us. because we’re alphas.

but that’s the exact reason why he walks myungsoo down to his classroom like this— so he can duck his head down so that myungsoo will lean up to kiss him, and sungyeol knows that they know, that they’re watching as well. myungsoo would blush a fierce shade of red if he ever knew, but sungyeol’s desperate to keep myungsoo with him here, and he hopes that if he loves myungsoo enough, he won’t leave.

it’s what keeps him going through all of those overtime work shifts, all of those times where he could’ve just gone home and rested his head, all of those times where he’d stayed behind at the restaurant and helped clean up. it’s what keeps him busy, methodically and almost detachedly counting every single won he earns until he reaches the amount he needs for the camera— for myungsoo’s camera.

he hadn’t known cameras could cost so much until myungsoo had sat down next to him one day when they’d gone to the riverbank together, until myungsoo had leaned his head against sungyeol’s shoulder and sighed, heavily, that sunggyu had spilled all of their parents’ soju on his camera. the memory card was safe, myungsoo had said, but the camera was ruined. how will i take pictures of you now? myungsoo had asked, turning to face sungyeol and taking sungyeol’s face in his hands, turning it this way and that. ah, it’s really too bad. sunggyu-hyung owes me big.

he’d gone home that night and searched up the brands of cameras he knew myungsoo used, and his eyes had popped when he saw the price tags listed under each one. it had been amazing to him how calm myungsoo was about the entire thing, but myungsoo had told him later that that camera was old, and he’d wanted an excuse to get a new one anyway.

it’s what had made him swallow his pride and ask howon and woohyun how to make an omega feel good on their first time. they'd stared at him for what had felt like hours before bursting into loud and raucous laughter, and when sungyeol hadn’t laughed along with them, when sungyeol had only stared back at them with his eyes unwaveringly level, they stopped. get on your knees, sungyeol, this is a student-teacher relationship now, woohyun had ordered, and sungyeol had complied almost immediately.

wow, he’s serious about this, howon had said, surprise evident in his voice, and sungyeol had been. he still is. he isn’t serious about many things, but if there’s one thing, one person, he’s willing to put on a brave front for, it’s myungsoo. he’d only seen myungsoo in passing before, seen him in quick glimpses in sungjong’s bedroom or passing through the hallways at school, but myungsoo was cute and sungyeol wanted him.

it had been on their first anniversary that sungyeol had turned to myungsoo and asked if he wanted to. myungsoo had looked up at him, his eyes shaking, and whispered that i’ve never— i’ve never done this before, and sungyeol had leaned down to kiss myungsoo on his forehead and say, quietly, that i haven’t either. he’d laid myungsoo out over on his bed on a night when his parents were out and sungjong was at a friend’s place and he’d kissed down the line of myungsoo’s jaw and down the column of his throat and nipped softly at the juncture of his neck and his shoulders.

is this okay? sungyeol had asked so many times, just to make sure that myungsoo was feeling alright, that myungsoo was comfortable, because none of it would’ve mattered at all if myungsoo didn’t feel good. myungsoo had nodded, wordless, and he’d clutched sungyeol closer to him and said that i want you now, sungyeol-hyung. he’d stared at sungyeol like he hadn’t ever seen anyone else naked before, which he probably hadn’t, and he’d stared down at sungyeol’s length and swallowed, his throat bobbing.

myungsoo had been wet, so slick between his thighs, when sungyeol had lifted his hips to take off his underwear. don’t look at me, it’s embarrassing, myungsoo had mumbled, turning his face to the side, and sungyeol had seen the splotches of red forming all over his chest and his neck and he’d thought that myungsoo was beautiful in his daily life, but he was the most beautiful when he was spread out for sungyeol like this, where sungyeol was the only one to see him so open and pliant and willing.

he’d taken his time with myungsoo, scissoring him open with his fingers wet with lube until myungsoo was writhing around and pushing his hips back against sungyeol’s fingers and saying, low and desperate, please, sungyeol, i want you— i need you. sungyeol had pushed into him, a long and slow thrust of his hips, and when he’d been fully seated inside myungsoo, he’d buried his face against myungsoo’s shoulder to catch his breath, and he’d known by the way myungsoo’s eyes were closed and the way his breath came out in quick huffs, that he was doing the same.

myungsoo had felt so amazing around him, and sungyeol had stared down at how he’d looked up at sungyeol with only the fondest expressions on his face, and he’d wondered how it was possible for his chest to feel so suddenly full and overwhelming with a feeling he hadn’t known if he was ready to name yet. he’d jerked myungsoo off until he came, spilling white all over his own stomach, and after he’d cleaned myungsoo off, he’d pulled myungsoo to him, his legs intertwining with myungsoo’s and he’d tucked myungsoo’s head underneath his chin and he’d linked their fingers together and he’d said let’s sleep now.

it’s what makes him look over at myungsoo whenever he’s not doing anything at all, whenever myungsoo’s staring at the wall and thinking of what next to write in his paper, whenever myungsoo’s biting his lip and wondering what to eat for dinner. if he really loved myungsoo, he would tell him that he would be exponentially more beautiful if he switched out his thick framed glasses for contact lenses, if he straightened his hair from the wild curly mess that it always was.

it’s really just a fact of life that people who are more beautiful are going to be more liked, and that’s why sungyeol keeps those thoughts to himself. it’s selfish and mean, but he wants to keep myungsoo for himself, wants for myungsoo to never take off his glasses for anyone else, wants for myungsoo to never straighten his hair, so that he’ll be the only one who’s ever had myungsoo in front of him and begging for him with an almost inhuman desperation.

but he also knows that since he loves myungsoo, he should do what’s best for him. he’ll never be able to give myungsoo the kids that he loves so much, he’ll never be able to love myungsoo the way an alpha would, but more than that, more than anything else, he’s keeping myungsoo for himself. he’s keeping myungsoo for himself and selfishly away from someone who could give him the kids he wants. he’s seen myungsoo watching the kids at the playground. the moms all know him by name, know him as the younger kim boy who wants to teach elementary school some day, who loves their kids almost as much as they do.

he watches myungsoo with the kids, and he wonders to himself what kind of monster would do this to myungsoo. what kind of monster would keep myungsoo so stubbornly locked in with himself, what kind of monster would keep myungsoo from finding real happiness, what kind of monster would keep myungsoo from an alpha. they’re so cute, myungsoo rambles on and on and on, his right hand in sungyeol’s left as they walk back from the playground. he sighs, almost dreamily, i want.

sungyeol can never give myungsoo this. he can give myungsoo as many false promises as he wants to, he can give myungsoo as many cameras and origami paper stars and stuffed animals as he wants, he can give myungsoo as many nights with his hips up on sungyeol’s thighs, with his face pressed into the pillow, with his legs hooked over sungyeol’s shoulders, as he wants, but he can never give myungsoo this.

he can never give myungsoo what woohyun can give sunggyu, what howon can give sungjong, and he hates them for it, in a completely unjustifiable and mean and hateful way, but above all, he hates himself for it the most. so he tells himself that it’s for myungsoo’s own good when he goes to myungsoo’s house that night, and when he walks away, he pretends that he doesn’t see, doesn’t hear, doesn’t know that myungsoo is crying behind him. he clenches his fists, stuffs them into his pockets, and walks home, ignoring the way that the tears that fall from his own eyes are hot and uncomfortable.

it’s better this way, he tells himself until he starts to believe it. it’ll be better this way for the both of them.

21:39 woohyunie: uh dude what the fuck 21:39 woohyunie: literally what the fuck happened 21:39 woohyunie: sunggyu-hyung is screaming at me 21:39 woohyunie: and none of it is my fault? 21:39 woohyunie: what the fuck did you do man 21:40 howonie: wait what 21:40 howonie: whats happening 21:40 howonie: what??? 21:40 woohyunie: dude they broke up 21:41 howonie: who????? 21:41 woohyunie: are you stupid????? 21:41 howonie: ur lying 21:41 woohyunie: i’m not 21:41 woohyunie: lee fucking sungyeol 21:41 woohyunie: explain 21:41 woohyunie: i’m coming to your house 21:41 woohyunie: so you better get ready to explain 21:42 howonie: holy fuck 21:42 woohyunie: you have five seconds to explain 21:42 woohyunie: or i’m coming over 21:42 woohyunie: alright you fucker i’m coming over 21:53 woohyunie: open the fuck up me and howon are outside 21:53 woohyunie: lee sungyeol i swear to god 21:53 woohyunie: open up 21:53 woohyunie: now