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#congrats on being 60% done
joesalw · 8 months
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Ok I'm sorry but this is gonna be a long rant.
I am an ex swiftie (also a minor) and I joined the fandom back in 2022 after midnights released. Before that I had heard a few songs but I barely knew anything about Taylor before 2020 and I did not know about the Kimye stuff or anything.
When the bejeweled music video was released I did not realize the easter eggs so thus I thought that I need to become parasocial and I NEED to know everything that taylor has done every minute of the day (referencing Do you really wanna know where I was April 29?)
I went deeper into the hole. I started getting obsessed with Taylor. I clicked on every video , post and podcast mentioning her. I genuinely became a parasocial fan. I only heard her songs and barely cared about other artists. I hated on her exes (Jake Gyllenhaal and John Mayer especially) because I believed that they had hurt Taylor to no extent. I still don't like them/am neutral but I don't hate them anymore. In march I joined tumblr because I heard Taylor was on here and I have no other social media to support her from so I came here to give her my support.
In April , the breakup happened. I was genuinely devastated. Joe was and is an amazing person. I was shocked to see her move on so quickly and date m*tty he*ly . I was even as a child shocked as to how someone can move on so fast. But also move on to someone so problematic after calling herself an activist? Idk what was wrong with her. But IG as long as she is happy.
She broke up with him. We all rejoiced. Speak now TV was also announced! Yay!
I remember so well on 7th July I was in school and I was so fucking excited about it coming so soon I couldn't sit still. I was counting down minutes until it's release even tho I did not have any devices to listen to it on. My friends were so happy to see me happy and excited af.
I went home and heard speak now tv. Amazing experience for me at that time.
I became the person who said shit like : I hate everyone but Taylor and Taylor is a gift to this Earth and etc etc.
But the amount of joe hate and joeover and joebless jokes annoyed me. Why were we hating a person who was in her life at her worst moments? Taylor would never condone or allow this.
But boy was I wrong.
Most of the hate against joe was my #Strike 1 for leaving the fandom.
Then came along Traylor. I was like oh ok as long as she is happy :))
Then she started associating with the nfl people. Br*ttany M*homes and Abuser bitch.
When I heard of this I was like wtf Taylor???
Weren't you the one who was going off about being on the right side of the history and believing victims?
I was like it's fine maybe she doesn't know or maybe she will stop once she knows.
She didn't
Then she won person of the year. I was already very unhappy with Taylor at that time. But I still was like Yay! Congrats! But maybe you shouldn't be the one to win it?
Then the doxxing by a swiftie happened. It was #strike 3
I left the fandom. I still had hope she would change.
Now after seeing her jets emissions (I'm a huge Environmentalist and a feminist so this shit bothered the living helm out of me) and her continuously hanging out with brittany piece of shit and all the joe hate going on, I am beginning to despise her.
I had initally blocked hate pages like yours but Now I open your posts everyday and check them because I relate to them sm.
I went from a person defending every action of Taylor's, being the only one in my entire theatre who knew the lyrics to all the songs of the eras tour movie , having Taylor as my top artist of the year with more than 60 percent of the songs being hers to despising her so much for being fake and stuck up.
I remember after I left the fandom and not many people knew about it , A classmate said something against Taylor and her songs directly to me daring me to oppose it and I genuinely wanted to cry because I thought that I would now always be associated with this fandom.
The ex swiftie in me genuinely wants 2016 to happen again so Taylor will be removed from the pedestal she is put on by so many. She needs to be saved from herself and her parasocial fans.
And I used to say I would love Taylor forever but I suppose forever really is the sweetest con.
TLDR :- I USED TO BE A PARASOCIAL SWIFTIE WHO USED TO LIVE AND BREATHE TAYLOR BUT NOW I'M SLOWLY STARTING TO DESPISE HER.
Sorry this was so long I had to get it off my chest.
Thanks for reading it!
ex swifties are my favourite people in this planet rn
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theorphicangel · 1 year
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hi Angel, congrats on reaching 500 followers 💗 could I request a fluff prompt ~ "I’m not giving up on you."?
hellooo, thank you so much for sending in a request! I hope you enjoy it :)
tags/cw: modernau!, collegeau!, fluff
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“I don’t get it.” You groaned, burying your head into your arms. Your favorite HB pencil that you mindlessly chew on slipping from your fingertips.
If you had to ask anyone how long you’d been sitting here then you were sure that the answer would be a little shy of three or even four hours.
Beside you, Levi let out an exhaustive sigh, his dark under eye bags more prominent than ever now that it was exam season. If anything you felt a little guilty, making him come to the library not on the purpose of getting some work done but on teaching you for a couple of hours. You frown at the thought that if he was aware of this beforehand then he might’ve preferred to have stayed at home.
For weeks, you’d been trying to get your head wrapped around this long equation but it just wasn’t sticking. Anytime you thought that you were finally getting the hang of it, you attempted a different question and still got it wrong. It seemed like an endless cycle that you just couldn’t break.
Lifting your head up to glance up at the clock you saw was nearing 8pm, to your knowledge you knew that the college library shuts at 9pm. Rubbing away the obvious fatigue in your eyes, you slowly sit up, mumbling.
“Maybe we should just ditch this, Levi.” You begin, the fatigue also evident in your voice. “I just won’t get it in time for the exam, losing a few marks won’t hurt me.” You attempted a smile despite your tiredness, trying to seem appreciative of all the time that Levi had spent with you, to get the equation into your head.
But of course, he wasn’t buying it and Levi looked at you with a deadpan expression on his face as he said your name in a dry tone like scolding mother shaming a child for not knowing any better.
“This is the highest question on the paper.” His voice was stern, reminding you of what was at stake. “You get this wrong then there’s no chance you’ll get over 60%, maybe a 50 even.”
“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.” you yawned, stretching out your arms to release the tension that has remained in your muscles all day. “Levi, we’ve been on this since like – well forever.” You exaggerate. Lowering down your arms, you let out a loud exhale. Scanning around, you noticed how you and Levi were probably the only ones around in the library, people already taking their cue to leave and finish up for the day.
“We should probably just…y’know give up on me for today.” You suggested, beginning to pack away your notebook and the pencil.
“I’m not giving up on you.” he muttered, turning his head away from you as he did so.
Whether it was his choice of words or the tone in which he spoke them with such determination and force, but also with concern, it made you pause your movements and glance at him a little more closely, his words echoing in your mind.
If you were being honest with yourself, part of the reason why you couldn’t concentrate was in fact all due to him. Each time he made eye contact with you to explain the method or give you tips, you looked away, not being able to handle the glare of his steel eyes that, now that you look at it, contain a twinge of metallic blue in his iris.
You quickly distracted yourself from his gaze, thinking about absolutely anything instead of what he was saying in order to calm the butterflies in your stomach, appearing each time your hand accidentally brazed his own in the act of grabbing a pen. You awkwardly pulled away with haste as if his skin caused an electric shock to you.
“Are you even listening to me?” Levi spoke, propelling you out of your daydream for the nth time today.
You nod your head, “Sure, sure something about not letting me give up.”
And if you were being honest with yourself again, then you would admit that his previous words continued to have an effect on you. There was something sincere in his voice that instantly gave you a sense of motivation, a belief that you could do it.
Rubbing your eyes, you decide to follow his words. “You’re right.” This time a genuine smile reached the corners of your lips, “I’m not giving up.”
In that moment you could’ve sworn that his own lips were tilted upwards but they soon disappeared as he turned towards his own blank notebook, all seriousness surrounding the two of you.
“We’re going to try again, until you get it. “ Levi handed you his pen. “Talk me through the process and I’ll tell you what you’re doing wrong.”
You swallowed thickly before taking his pen from his hand and Levi shuffled near you, closing the gap that you had created and rested his arm around the back of your chair. He leaned in close to your side, close enough for you to smell a hint of peppermint and ginger, an aftertaste of the takeaway tea he had gotten at the start of the session with you.
With a blank sheet of paper placed in front of you, you attempt the question again.
You didn’t even understand why you were so nervous, if anything you’ve grown accustomed to Levi's manner and since your first year at college, your relationship with him has improved massively. Once the closed off, restricted person that he was, you’ve achieved in seeing him crawl out of his shell. Hell, even Hange has noticed how different he is compared to his first year.
Now, he’s learned to enjoy the company of others and those around him, not becoming shy of conversation. Well…only with you that is.
Lately, he hasn’t been turning down any study sessions with you, which to you is a statement of how well he wants to do in these exams unaware of the possibility that he just wants to spend more time with you.
“Am I making you nervous?”
Again without fail, he caught you mid-daydream. Your pen, well his, was stuck in mid-air where you had paused again. “Nervous?” you questioned, trying to play it off as lightheartedly as you could. “Why would I be nervous?”
“Because you’ve written down a 6 instead of a 9.”
Scribbling out your mistake, you rectify it, trying to catch up to your last train of thought, furrowing your eyebrows in deep concentration as you do so.
“Now what?” he asks, as you move onto the next part of the equation.
“Now…I add it to the other figure?”
“Good.” He states and although it was a simple gesture of praise it nonetheless causes a trail of heat to reach your cheeks.You follow the next steps, Levi guiding you as you do and this time you concentrate more on copying down the numbers correctly.
“You are doing that by the way.” you say, once you finally finish the equation.
“Doing what?” Levi questions, his tone having a little too much innocence as he prods you further, feeling the tension that exudes from your body.
“Making me nervous.” you state simply.
Levi doesn’t look up. “And why is that?”
“I don’t know.” You shrug. “You just do.”
He frowns, “After the past nine months of knowing each other, I still make you nervous?”
His tone was light and teasing, almost in disbelief that he makes you feel this way which made you realize how silly you sounded in admitting this to him.
“I just mean in the sense of academically, y’know?” You say quickly and you think that you’ve managed to save yourself. “I mean you’re the top of the class right? So you probably understood this shitty equation ages ago and here’s me, a week before the exam, still hung up on stuff that I should’ve cracked months ago.” You chuckle awkwardly.
You feel Levi stare at you and fail to meet his gaze. It feels as if his eyes are prodding into your skin, perhaps judging you on your incompetence.
A silence is held for a few moments, the two of you unsure what to say. A long pause passes before Levi speaks again.
“I didn’t get it straight away by the way.” Levi began, causing you to look up and suddenly meet his eyes. “In fact, Erwin had to run it through me again.”
“Oh.” You say aloud, unaware of this fact. “Really?”
“Really.”
You sigh lightly letting your shoulders drop, “I guess that makes me feel a little bit better about myself.” You tease lightheartedly.
“You should have more confidence.” He states and you notice how his hands are bundled into a fist on the table as if he’s desperately trying to rein in a sense of nervousness within him. “I meant what I said earlier y’know, I won’t let you give up on yourself. You can do it.”
Studying him, you’re suddenly aware of the closeness between the two of you. A heavy sense of silent tension binds the two of you tightly. There’s a mutual feeling between the two of you, a feeling that weighs you both down, a feeling that desires to be fulfilled and noticed, a feeling that can no longer be ignored.
You don’t know how long you’ve had this feeling for or how long you’ve been ignorant of it, but now there’s something within you that wants to notice it.
And funnily enough, he feels the same way
In a blink of an eye, you’ve found your lips on his. During your conversation, the two of you had been drawing in closer to each other, cutting down the gap between you. Enough for you to finally taste his lips, quenching a thirst that you didn’t know you had. Dropping his pen on the desk, it seemed like fireworks were sparked in your body, his hand moving to your cheek to deepen the kiss only making you groan into him.
Unexpectedly, he tastes sweet, his lips soft and plump against your own. You think you don’t want it to stop until you realize your humanity and that you desperately need oxygen to live. If you could exchange that fact for one of his kisses then perhaps you would.
Pulling away from each other, a mutual burn of embarrassment overtakes your cheeks, the two awkwardly not knowing how to react.”
“I’m sorry–” Levi begins and you find yourself liking the shade of pink that tints his cheeks reaching up to his ears.
“Don’t be.” you interrupted, “I– I liked it.”
“You did?”
You nod wordlessly. Looking down, you contemplate on saying the words that are on the tip of you. “I think I’ve been waiting forever to do that.”
Levi jerks slightly, feeling like he’d just entered the euphoric state of a dream. “Really?”
You smile widely, “Really.” Levi notices the crinkles near your eyes when you do, tiny dimples on either side of your lips and for a second he wishes that he could photograph it right there and then. Just from that smile, a sense of satisfaction cures his craving that he’s felt around you – possibly from the very first moment the two of you met.
Nothing could beat the beauty of the smile on your face right now, not even hours later that night when you realized that you got the equation right after all.
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reblogs are much appreciated!
tag list: @notgoodforlife @youre-ackermine @lovolee3 @the-milk-anon @evas-leslas @imkumichan , @levi-supreme , @leviismybby @bejewelledd @searriously @luvjiro @cometlevi @humanitys-strongest-bamf @idkks4m @secretmoneybearvoid @clownysr @thevelria @ackermendick @lamees_004 @ladygagaslefttoe20 @clownysr, @burningxaces @loveackermannn @sad-darksoul @crazychaoticizzy @sleepyfairyxo @elnyrae @sujiroses @someonekeepstakingmyusernames , @kamona-levi @spyraaaa , @bookoffracturedescapes , @meowjaa , @deepzombieyouth @cometlevi
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Text
Your Graduation (Simon "Ghost" Riley x F!Reader)
I hope this can be accepted as "It's the thought that counts" (plus the heavy symbolism since we met through your fics, ha)
Congrats on graduating today my (mostly platonic) hubs!!! @bloodonmyhands-1221
TW: Light innuendo (like one line - to be safe MDNI). No taglist on this one, it's a special occasion thing
Blog HQ
Yawning softly, you blinked hard and resumed reading the screen in front of you. Hoping some of the information would stick in your overtired brain. You wanted to get as much of your homework done as possible tonight, so you could spend the entire day tomorrow with Simon when he got home.
In hindsight, being curled up in one of his sweaters while you worked well into the night probably wasn't your smartest choice. The ocean of fabric warming your skin, the lingering memory of who it's rightful owner was warming your heart. Your brain being fried by the paragraphs in front of you.
"That looks far too intense for this late, pet" you jumped at the voice beside you. Head shooting over to be met with a familiar pair of eyes.
Simon.
"You're home?!" You laughed, laptop now shoved away as you launched yourself at him. Arms wrapped warmly around his neck as he pulled you tight into his chest. Pressing small kisses to your head as a hand rubbed over your back.
"I'm home. Got back to base about an hour ago, spending another night with you beats another night alone" He smiled, greatful to be home. "Am I interrupting you?"
Always mindful of you, and the most supportive partner in the world. He was in your corner every step of the way so far. From deciding on a major, applying for the courses, the late nights spent cramming. The failed tests to the passing with honors. He was there for it all.
Including all the times when you start drowning in your thoughts and forget which way was up. He'd pull you out and remind you to breathe.
"Staring at the screen won't make your grade show any faster" Simon whispered, arms wrapped around your waist as he laid beside you. Half watching whatever movie was playing on TV, half focusing on the anxious bouncing of your leg.
"If I don't get 60% on this at least, I fail the class" you snapped, 60% is nothing. Right?
"I guarantee you did better than just 60%, love" he reassured, pulling you into a laying position with him. "You are much better than 60%" he mumbled in your ear, pressing soft kisses down your neck. Letting his hands wander to the hem of your shirt. Your eyes slowly drifting shut, as you focused on the warmth of his mouth and hands; only to be interrupted by the screen in front of you refreshing.
Shoving Simon to the side momentarily you scanned the writing, looking for your grade. 97% on the final, 86% average in the class.
"Look!" You cheered, a wide small adorning your features. "97%!" You fell back, fist pumping the air. Ignoring the amused expression your fiancé was giving you (despite being cockblocked by grades). You were about to continue on with your excited chatter when you were cut off by a warm kiss. His hand now on the back of your neck, fingers woven through your hair as he mumbled against your mouth.
"Let me show you how proud I am"
So when he was deployed only a month before your graduation, he was devastated. Promising he'd do everything in his power to make it back in time. You only asked for him to turn in one piece.
"It's okay, I understand. Wouldn't be planning on marrying you if I didn't" you explained, forcing a smile as you spoke. Hoping the tears and tightness in your throat didn't give anything away.
"Still feel like shit that I can't be there though" He sighed through the phone, guilt gnawing at his concious. "As soon as I'm home we're doing something. Just you and me" the promise mended some of the cracks forming in your heart.
"Sushi, snuggles and sex the first night" you teased, listening to him groan softly. "Then whatever you have planned after"
"A woman after my own heart" He chuckled lowly, causing you to bite your lip.
"I've got to go, looks like things may be starting" You explained, pushing yourself from the corner you stood in. Watching as your classmates began lining up.
"You've got this love, I'm proud of you. I love you" You echoed his words back, biting back laughter as you heard yelling from the other end of the call. Screams of pride, acknowledgement and chaos from his found family team.
In hindsight, this day was supposed to be about 95% less nerve wracking. Nobody told you how nervous you get while up on stage in front of everyone.
You rubbed your hands against the gown at your sides, cursing to yourself for how sweaty they became. 2 people left to walk the stage before it was your turn. Taking a shaky breath in, you twisted the ring on your finger. A small reminder of the only thing missing today.
He would go through hell and high water to be here if he could. You reminded yourself. Opting to think about the phone call you had not even 2 hours ago, where he couldn't stop reminding you how proud he was. How much he loved you. How pissed he was at Price and Laswell for keeping him on a mission when he should be home cheering you on.
Your train of thought was derailed when you heard your name being called. Go time.
One step at a time, don't trip, don't fall, you-
"GOT THIS!" You heard a chorus of voices yell from the back. You turned your head momentarily, eyes drawn to the flailing limbs and cheers of encouragement.
They were here. He was here.
You gladly accepted your diploma, handshakes, and pictures with tears forming in your eyes. Now anxiously waiting for the end of the ceremony to see your fiancé and friends.
Throughout the rest of the speeches, and other students getting their moment in the spotlight you watched your group. Shooting you thumbs up, heart hands, massive smiles. Despite all the theatrics, you had a hard time taking your eyes off your shadow. Leaning against the wall, eyes filled with adoration, pride and love. A small smile permanently on his unmasked face. He made it.
"Our little graduate!" Soap called out, running toward you with Gaz on his heels. The two men bombarding you with a tight hug, knocking your cap off in the process.
"Watch it, boys" Kate lightly scolded, picking it off the ground before pulling you into a warm hug once you were released. Whispering a soft congratulations.
"I'll make this quick so I don't get my arm ripped off, but rather proud of you kid." Price pulled you close for a moment, knowing he was the last person inbetween you and your love.
"You made it" you squeaked out, looking over at Simon. Tears you kept at bay now returning, threatening the makeup you applied this morning.
"Wouldn't miss it for the world, love" he smiled. "Get over here" he laughed, arms wide as he pulled you in close. Lips pressed to the side of your head as he held you tight against his chest. Tender words of how much he loves you, how proud he is of you, and how beautiful you looked mumbled against your skin.
Nothing in the world mattered, it was you and him. Basking in the excitement, and giddiness of your accomplishments. The two of you on your personal cloud nine.
"Wouldn't miss this day for the world, you've worked your arse off to get here. I'm so proud of my love"
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skellydun · 2 years
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Do you have any tips for interviewing? I have one tomorrow and I am so nervous 😭😭😭😭
ah anon that's awesome!!! congrats!! I listed a few tips below :)
interviews are great because it's your show! it's all about you!! and who knows you better than you right?? and hey maybe you're like oh shit i don't know anything about myself ??? look at your resume! with every position you have listed that is relevant you should know about a time when you had to make a difficult decision (or go against the norm to get something done like disagreeing with a coworker), when you had a problem and how you solved it, and a time when you went above and beyond. that seems like a lot but you have done all of those things even if you don't realize it. a thing i've come to realize is that a lot of people (especially those new in the job market) undersell themselves. your internships count as experience. sorting files at an internship could be considered prioritizing and organizing information into groups or something. you have experience even if you don't think you do. but that kind of veers more into writing a resume. back to interviewing and knowing yourself - know 3 strengths and why they are your strengths along with weaknesses. can't think of that? you're a people person which you utilized when you stocked shelves at target and always had no problem asking people if they needed help and cultivated a lot of relationships with the regulars that came in to make it a memorable experience. you have no issue talking to people so that makes you perfect for this position. your weakness is that you're a perfectionist so you might take longer on one task because you want it to be perfect but you're working on it - it's a weakness but at the same time it's not. also ideally you have bullet points listed underneath each of your job/internship/club so just know those. know what you did. be able to describe your position. you know yourself so be confident about your abilities!
Did you do all that I suggested up there? Also hey know the job posting. Be able to look at that job posting where they're asking you to be able to stand for 50 years and lift 10 pounds? oh you totally did that at your previous job where u had to stand for 60 years and lift 5 pounds so you have some experience doing that. know how what you already know applies to it.
NOT ALL INTERVIEWERS ARE CUT OUT TO BE INTERVIEWERS. Sometimes the person who is interviewing you (while they may be your potential new boss) is terrible at it. They don't know how to keep the conversation natural or just bounce from question to question. If you give a great example and they're like oh that's nice! onto the next question do not beat yourself up. they're interested in you or they wouldn't have asked to interview you. the amount of awkward interviewers i've met in my life is insane. it's not your fault.
Don't worry about the constant eye contact. Or the uhs and ums. It's expected that you're nervous. A good interviewer would sit down and small talk with you or point out something on your resume like a club or school and talk about that to calm you both down. Most will say how are you? how was your ride here? that doesn't magically make you stop being nervous. Sometimes when I go on interviews I will still end great examples with 'if that makes sense' because i just rambled. You'll fall into a rhythm! Just breathe. If you're doing a virtual interview then you don't even have to make eye contact just look at. the camera. If you're in an office then I usually shuffle between looking at them, their forehead/lips/nose, at the guide they're interviewing off of, the table, or I'll look down at my hands as I gesture with them because I can't help it.
Have questions for them. It makes you stand out. I always use the same 3. What is your favorite thing about working for this company? I'm really culture focused can you tell me about the culture of this team? (professional way to say what's the vibe of the team?) What advice do you have for someone coming into this role? Also make sure you at least googled the company. They will ask you do you know anything about us? Sometimes I say no I hadn't heard of you until I applied then I dig some digging and I can't believe you did x in 2019 or that your values are x, y, z that really falls into line with my thinking.
Also if you search JOB TITLE Interview questions - they will be a few sites that will give you some ideas of what they're going to ask you specific to that field/job so you won't be blindsided!
That's it in a nutshell. I'm sure i'm forgetting things and this obviously won't apply to every job out there but that's just a basic interview. I'm also not the Interview Expert. If you have any questions then please don't hesitate to ask :) I wish you the best of luck anon!
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unioncolours · 8 months
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Jinchuuriki Temari pls pls PLSSSS 💜
And congrats on 60 subscribers wohooo!! 💕✨
Thank you, Mon, for your suggestion and ask ❤✨
This is part of my 60 subs challenge, feel free to check it out.
This is only PART ONE of Jinchuuriki Temari, and part two will come in connection to another ask 🥰 Part two is linked below.
Please keep reading if you fancy 🖤
BLOOD AND GOLD
part one | part two
Word count: 764 words
Tags: Jinchuuriki Temari. Blood and gore, I guess. Meet-cute, I guess?? VERY Canon Divergent. Canonverse.
It was supposed to be a cave just for shelter, but it turned out to be so much more. When Shikamaru together with Ino and Choji walked inside to hide from the harsh desert sun, they had immediately known something was off with the cave. It tingled of chakra and reeked of blood.
“We should turn back,” Ino said. “This chakra is – it’s not normal.”
The rattle of chains coming from the darkness startled them.
“Shit,” Choji whispered. “Something is in there.”
“Or someone,” Shikamaru finished. They pondered for a second whether to go back and not meddle in whatever scary business this cave had in store for them, but later decided that investigating would be worth it.
“This something is a someone,” Ino said when they walked deeper into the mouth of the dark.
They had never expected to find someone chained by rusty chuffs to the mountain wall of the other side. The wall was worked with metal, gold and sand, and the cuffs vibrated with chakra none of them had sensed before. It was a prison. A deserted prison.
The ’someone’ in question was a girl with sand blonde hair, arms cut and bruised, and a malicious snarl on her lips. She had to be a bit older than them, as her jaw was strong any and all resemblance of childhood had vanished from her face.
“Hello?” Ino whispered when they got closer. “What have they done to you?”
“Release me,” the girl demanded and stood up, not being able to keep a straight face out of pain when her joints in the shoulders straightened out from the uncomfortable position her arms were forced into. The chakra cuffs rattled and seemed to cut into her flesh even more. The trio winced at the sight of it. If not hunger and thirst kills her, an infection will.
“Why have someone chained you here?” Shikamaru asked.
“My father wants to kill me,” the girl spat and tossed her head back, revealing shining green eyes behind her dirty fringe. “Let me free for fucks’ sake.”
“Don’t move,” Shikamaru said when Ino took a step forward. “It can be a trap.” He grabbed a kunai and the girl laughed a raw and sarcastic laugh at the sight of it.
“I’d not do that if I were you,” she laughed.
“She is not an illusion at least, she is real,” Ino said. “But there’s something off with her chakra.”
“Best to stay away,” Choji mumbled.
“You are three against one, what could possibly happen?” the chained girl snorted as she leaned against the wall. The gold in it was off, Shikamaru thought. Why would there be gold melted into a wall meant to keep a prisoner? “Give me water at least. Postpone my death by a day, if you please.”
“What is your name?” Shikamaru asked. “You’re someone of value, aren’t you?”
“Ah, so my flesh has a price,” the girl laughed. “How comforting to hear. Go on, take an arm and sell it for good money.”
“Ha, ha,” Shikamaru said.
“It’s best not to agitate her,” Choji whispered.
“Agitate me, agitate me?” the girl snarled. “It takes a lot to agitate me.”
“What is your name?” Shikamaru asked again, now definitely more demanding. “Tell us, prisoner.” He walked closer to her, closer than he anticipated and closer than he would want to, but there was something about this prisoner which drew him in, unwillingly and cruelly.
“My name is…” The girl whipped her fringe out of her face once more. “My name is Temari of the Sand.”
Shikamaru was not standing right in front of her, kunai hard in his grip in case she did something suspicious. He could kill her right now if he wanted – that that he did, but the idea crossed his mind. In case she was dangerous, for she was not a civilian, nor a common shinobi. She was valued and kept prisoned away from the closest settlement. She was someone.
“Tell me, Temari of the Sand, why your father wants to kill you,” he asked.
Temari smiled, exposing razor sharp canine teeth.
“Shikamaru, step back,” Ino gasped and Choji swooped Shikamaru away from Temari with an expanded fist. Shikamaru grunted at first, annoyed, but all gasps got stuck in his throat when the earlier green eyes were no more.
What stared back at them were black eyes shining with gold in the middle of them.
“What is she?” Ino asked, rhetorically.
“What am I, what am I?” Temari smiled. “I am me. The jinchuuriki of the Sand, doomed to die.”
tbc one beautiful day ~
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theclairvoyage · 2 months
Text
Chapter 3: Flor de Caña
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Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist
Pairing: Javier Peña x AUSA!f!reader
Fresh off acing his marksmanship test, Javi returns to The Dark Horseman, where he gets to know an alluring attorney.
Chapter warnings: alcohol consumption, smoking, firearm use, adult language, mentions of violence, mentions of human trafficking, mentions of drugs, mentions of graphic violence, mentions of substance abuse and death, allusions to smut, crime scene investigation, murder, reader is able-bodied, has long hair and is roughly the same height as Javi, Spanish usage (translations at the end)
WC: 4k
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Fall 1992
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Javier shoves his Glock 19 in his waistband, sweat droplets rolling from his forehead and audibly landing on the cold cement floor of the outdoor shooting range at the Federal Building.  Penn stands behind him, stopwatch looped around his wrist, clipboard clutched to his chest, occasionally pulling it in front of him to jot down scores.
“Alright, Peña—last stage,” he barks, “2 shots standing and 3 kneeling, all behind cover and all from 25 yards.  You’ll do that twice.  Questions?”
Javi spits as he shakes his head, some stray dirt, bugs, and sweat having accumulated in his mouth during the first 7 stages.  He wipes his brow one last time, loads the Glock, and gets ready for Penn to give him the go-ahead.
“And… go!” Penn yells.  Javi goes into action mode, standing behind the wall prop and peeking out to shoot the target.  Bang.  Bang.
He drops to his knee and aims, firing three more times.  Bang.  Bang.  Bang.  Rinse and repeat.
He stands, signaling that he’s done.  Penn clicks the stopwatch and tallies Javier’s score on the clipboard.  He whistles.
“Congrats, Peña—you passed, and with an instructor certification score of 56/60.  You’ll be able to teach this stuff once you’re fully certified as a special agent,” Penn says, clapping Javi on the back.  Javi snorts.
“Thanks, Penn.  Shooting in the jungle makes everything else seem so easy,” he murmurs.  Penn guffaws.
“Now we can finally set up this stakeout in Lawton,” he says, cheesy grin plastered on his wrinkled face.  Javier is elated—he had been looking forward to being out in the field again and partaking in the action.  Stakeouts were his bread and butter—he spent countless hours posted up in an unmarked vehicle or building surveilling and directing moves in Colombia.  It felt good to finally be able to put his skills to use.
“What’s the preliminary plan?  And site?” Javier asks, unloading the chamber of his warm gun.
“There’s an International Festival next week that spans 3 days.  It’ll be packed.  People from all over Oklahoma and the country attend.  Our surveillance team has gotten confirmation that the Locos will be there, most likely looking for falcons and setting up transactions,” Penn says.  Javier nods.
“So, are we planning on posing as employees?  Police?” Javi guesses as Penn leads them back into the building.
“Specifics are still in the works, though I like your thinking.  We’ll work with OKCPD and LPD to figure out the best plan,” Penn says, impressed.  Javi fights the urge to roll his eyes—he might’ve been an FBI rookie, but he’d had years of experience as a federal agent under his belt.  He decides to give Penn the benefit of the doubt—the man is corny, but he’s at least giving feedback.
“US Attorney’s Office gonna be assisting?” Javi asks nonchalantly, already knowing Penn will have something curt to say.  Sure enough, Penn winks at Javi.
“Miss her already, eh?” Javi rolls his eyes so hard it hurts.  Penn chuckles.  “Just givin’ ya shit.  Yes, the Assistant US Attorney will be helping.  Might even be part of the surveillance team.”
Javi’s eyes widen.  “S’not a good idea for her to be in plainclothes.  People probably know who she is and that might set off some alarms,” he reminds Penn.
“You are correct,” Penn agrees, “But she doesn’t usually go out in plainclothes.  She’ll be watching and listening elsewhere.”
Quietly, Javi breathes a sigh of relief.  He’s already protective of you—something new for him.  Penn, like clockwork, interrupts his thoughts.
“Peña—you’ve got one test left before you’ll be a fully certified Special Agent.  Your Supervisory Special Agent training will take place after that,” he beams, clapping a hand on Javi’s shoulder.  Javi shakes his head, smirking.
“I’ve had some practice, Penn—should’ve been certified sooner,” he bemoans.  He’s always been tough on himself, reflective of how he was raised.  Penn scoffs.
“You’re doing great.  We really are lucky to have you—the DEA screwed up real bad,” he chuckles.  Javi snorts.
“Take the rest of the day—we’ll figure out a plan with the Assistant Director, US Attorney’s Office, and the PD Teams soon.  Nice work.”  Javi gives Penn a single nod before leaving for the day.
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Javi awakens in the hours post dinnertime that evening.
“Fuck,” he groans.  He doesn’t nap for this reason.  He glances at his watch, digging into his wrist from his slumber.  It’s not too late, but late enough for a drink.
He’d lied down when he got back from work, exhausted from the marksmanship test, and relished the comfort of his new sectional.  His apartment was finally starting to resemble a residence, and not a bachelor pad.  Unfortunately for him, though, the couch might’ve been a little too comfortable.  It was a stark contrast from his stone slab of a mattress.
Throwing on some jeans and a loose button-up linen shirt, he makes the trek to the Horseman.  The creaky door opens the same way it always does, and the jukebox is playing the same slow song, but there’s something different—you.
You’re perched in the same chair you were last time he saw you here, though you’re wearing shorts and a baggy tee.  He glances at your long, smooth legs and swallows hard—he’s starting to think that perhaps every part of you is perfect.  You turn and watch him saunter over to the bar, smirking.  Javi can’t help the smirk that follows on his own face.
He pulls back the chair next to you and gestures.  “Is this seat taken?” he says, voice still raspy from his nap.  You notice, cocking an eyebrow at him, smirk still contouring your cheeks.
“It is now,” you reply smoothly.  Javi’s stomach does some somersaults as he pulls up next to you, realizing this is the first time you two have been in such proximity.  He takes a deep breath as the bartender pours him his usual, taking your scent with him.  He fights the urge to groan.
“You look tired,” you say, eyeing him as he takes the first sip of his whiskey.  His hair is slightly mussed, button up shirt undone at the top, revealing a strong, tanned chest.  His sleeves are short, too, showing off ropy forearms.  Your thighs contract instinctively.
“Made the mistake of taking a nap,” he replies, smoothing a hand through his hair.  It’s like he heard your thoughts.
“Another rookie mistake,” you quip, bringing your glass to your lips.  He bursts out laughing, uncovering a brilliant smile that you had failed to notice.
“You’re funny, Lawyer Lady,” he says, staring at you as you take a sip.  His gaze spans your face, making frequent stops at your lips and eyes.  He’s not even trying to hide his attraction, now.  You giggle and shake your head, not meeting his eyes—you can feel them pierce your skin.
“Seems like you got it all.  Brains, looks, charm.  Must be nice,” he says, nudging your side lightly with his elbow.
“I should charge just for my presence, yeah?” you joke, pulling another belly laugh from him.
“Well, if law doesn’t work out, you have a few options,” he replies.  It’s his turn to take a sip now, and you watch as his lips groove over the rim of the glass, mustache hairs swaying from the air escaping his nostrils as he tips back.  That fucking mustache did things to you, made you squirm inside.  You wanted to feel it scratch the skin on your lips, your—
“Why do I feel like you’re hitting on me, Javi?” you croon, a lame attempt to silence your dirty thoughts.  He stiffens, nerves alight—usually, he’s on point with the charm when it comes to women.  You, though?  Different ballgame.  You sniffed him out from the jump.  He figures up a witty remark before the awkward silence settles.
“What, no one’s ever told you that you’re smart and beautiful?  I’m the first?” You’re caught off guard by his humor, and another loud laugh escapes your lips.  You roll your eyes and shake your head.
“You’re not too bad yourself, Peña,” you say, finishing your drink with a quick swig.  He shivers at your compliment.  The bartender comes over and raises his brows at you, silently asking if you’d like another.
“Yeah, I’m good for more.  Late start tomorrow,” you say, shrugging your shoulders.
Pulse thrumming, Javi leans back in the chair as he thinks of something to say.  He wants to know you but doesn’t want to push too fast.
“You live close to here?  Or you just took to this particular hole in the wall?” Javi asks, spinning the chair to face you.  You watch the bartender pour you another glass before doing the same, crossing one leg over the other and leaning back.  He tries not to glance down at your legs.
“Both,” you reply, taking a sip.  Javi nods.  His gaze is hot on your face.  He’s entranced by your eyes, but damn, his are just as magnetizing.  He realizes he still doesn’t know the mysterious brown liquid you’re drinking.
“Whiskey drinker?  You are from the Midwest,” he asks, reaching for a toothpick from the bar station.  He maneuvers it around his mouth, tip rustling the bristles of his mustache, drawing your eyes there.  He turns to look at you again, and you tear your gaze from his lips.
“Hell no.  Rum.  My dad was the whiskey drinker.  Couldn’t put that bottle down,” you say, voice dropping in volume slightly.  Javier assumes he’s dead, by your change in tone and expression.
“Sorry to hear that.  My dad loved the bottle, too,” he says, tilting his head at you involuntarily.  You lock eyes with him for a moment, and he sees pain.  Pain that you’ve gotten adept at stuffing behind the many boxes within your brain.  Your lips pull into a smile, but your eyes don’t change.
“It’s a hard thing to quit,” you say, nodding slowly and looking away from Javi.  He can tell this is a sore spot for you—your demeanor has morphed from playful to solemn, though you still seem happy.  Instinctively, he reaches out and touches your forearm, sending shocks up to your shoulder.
“I know exactly what you mean, hermosa,” he says, not fighting the compulsion this time.  You are beautiful, after all.  He removes his hand after a beat, the warmth from his fingertips lingering on your skin.  You crack a big smile, and your eyes finally match.
“Anyway.  I see you discovered that I’m not married,” you say, lips twitching into a smirk.  Redness blooms on his neck and ears as he recalls looking at your left hand in the conference room the other day.
“Sorry—instinct,” he says, half-truthfully.
“Yeah?  Been with a lot of married women?” you poke.  He loves how playful you are, sparring with him like one of the boys.  There’s a childlike curiosity to you that fascinates him.  He chuckles, turning away to take a sip.
“I won’t lie to you, I have,” he says matter-of-factly.  “Not my finest moment.”  Now, it’s your turn to put a hand on his forearm.  He freezes at your touch.
“It’s okay—I was partly joking.  Not judging you,” you say.  He turns to look at you, deep amber eyes smoldering.  It catches you off guard and scares you—he could make you do anything if he looks at you like that.  Your heart threatens to escape your ribcage.  You swallow, tucking the nerves away, and speak again.
“I did some reading up on you, Javi.  You’re highly regarded in the DEA world,” you say, removing your hand from his arm and propping your head on your hand as you study him.  He shrugs, lips moving to one side of his face.
“It was a hard gig, chasing Escobar.  I’m glad I’m here, though,” he says, staring in your eyes.  It’s quiet for a moment, except the sparks flying between the two of you, hot and molten.
“Me, too.  We’re lucky to have you,” you say, finally breaking eye contact to take another sip.  His eyes travel down to your crossed legs, to your worn sandals, back up to your face.  He can’t get over how gorgeous you are—and he’s never had to hold back with a woman like this.  Taking a deep breath and another sip of whiskey, he studies at the bottles behind the bar momentarily.
“So—you drinking Captain?” he asks, head bobbing as he searches for all the rum bottles on display.
“I honestly don’t know—I think tonight is Flor de Caña,” you say in perfect Spanish.  Javi’s not surprised but impressed.
“¿Hablas español, hermosa?” Javi tests you, eyes crinkling from the big smile he’s sporting.
“Sí, empecé a aprender cuando era joven,” you reply, not missing a beat.  He shakes his head as he turns away, still grinning.
He was fucked.
“You try a new one every night, then?” he asks.  You nod.
“Yeah, if I can.  Makes things interesting,” you reply, swishing the brown liquid around the glass as you try to count off how many bottles you’ve tried behind the bar.  You’re not sure—this quiet tavern does a surprisingly good job of rotating liquors at a decent pace.
Feeling a whiskey-powered surge of bravado, Javi takes a risk and asks a personal question.
“So, Lawyer Lady—you ever been married before?” he asks, turning to watch your reaction.  You mirror him and cock an eyebrow, pursing your lips in amusement.
“Nope.  What about you?  I’m sure women fall over for you,” you ask, matching his courage.  Your brand of it is sexier, though, he thinks.  He snorts, a lame attempt to disguise his giddiness from yet another compliment from you.
“No, hermosa—never had the time nor the desire,” he replies.  You nod slowly, breaking eye contact and staring down at your glass.  He can’t tell if you’re surprised, bummed, or just thinking.
“Me neither.  Odds of anything lasting are too low for my liking,” you say, finishing your glass.  He chuckles.
“So, you’re a math nerd, too?” Javi teases, poking your ribs again with his elbow.  You shake your head and laugh, some loose hair falling from your shoulders to your arm.  Instinctively, Javi pulls them from your skin, the feeling of you electrifying his fingertips.  His touch burns your skin.  Your breath hitches ever so slightly, but he notices.
“Sorry, it’s j—,” he starts, before you cut him off.
“Instinct?  I figured.  It’s okay,” you tease him, punctuating the word playfully.  His fingertips rest on your forearm as he stares at you, still blazing, his gaze sweeping down to your lips.  The rum has you feeling quite brave, too, and you test the waters with a question of your own.
“And what’s behind the way you keep staring at my lips?  Instinct, too?”
Javi’s heart bangs against his chest, eyes widening briefly in surprise before he feels the blood in his limbs rush to a different appendage.  Fuck it, he thinks.  He feels good about this.
“That, or I just really wanna kiss you.” His eyebrow cocks as he half-smirks at you, leaning closer to you ever so slightly.  At this point, he’d normally be balls deep in whatever poor lass approached him at the bar, clothes piled on the floor and tongues tangled, but he wants to savor this—it’s almost foreplay, the way you two tease and tango.  He struggles to keep his erection tame in his jeans.
You giggle quietly, almost mischievously, fantasizing of you perched on your kitchen countertop, legs wrapped around Javi as he fucks you slow and hard.  You can almost hear his pants and groans in your ear, breath caressing your skin as his lips and teeth mark your neck.  You shiver.
“What’s funny, hermosa?” He asks, tantalized, similar images projecting in his head.  He needs to leave soon, before he busts out of these jeans.
“Oh, nothing at all—truly,” you say with a sly smile, taking some cash out of your purse and dropping it next to your empty glass.  You stand from the chair and stretch absentmindedly, the hem of your shirt lifting to reveal the bottom half of your navel and smooth hipbones loosely draped in denim.  Javi’s eyes immediately lock on, and he takes a deep breath, trying to stifle the growl in his chest.  He takes another sip, aggressively.
“¿De qué piensas?” he asks, still watching as your arms come back down, shirt hem slowly covering your exposed skin.  You groan as you finish releasing the tension in your back and shoulders.  Fuck, he does like every sound you make.
“About how not ready I am for this recon mission coming up,” you lie, folding those pornographic images and other feelings about Javi you’re not ready to acknowledge in the pit of your mind.
“Piece of cake.  Trust me.  Can I walk you out?” he says, fishing bills out of his wallet and standing to join you.  He despises the thought of you walking alone in the dark, even if you’re well-acquainted with the area.  You nod, smiling softly at him.
You wave at the bartender and head for the exit as Javi follows, his warm hand finding home on the small of your back as he guides and opens the door for you.  You feel safe around him, which simultaneously alarms and arouses you.
The outside air greets you, quiet gusts nipping at your skin.  You instinctively wrap your hands around your arms and rub the goosebump-ridden flesh.  Javi curls his hand around your waist and pulls you closer, hoping to share some of the warmth from his body with you.  You relax into him as you walk toward the parking lot.
An eternity seems to pass as both of you trek toward your car, quiet steps in perfect synchrony.  The streetlights paint both of you in a flickering melon-amber glow.  You feel almost ethereal in his grasp, and he, too, as he holds you so closely to him.  His grip on your waist is soft, but his arm is firm around your back, a silent promise of protection.  This is not how either of you expected your day to culminate, but it’s a welcome surprise.  Oddly enough, it doesn’t feel foreign.
Your unique scent invades his nostrils, fucking with his head—he’s so giddy and nervous from being around you, but touching and smelling you makes his dick grow harder and harder as you get closer to your car.
“This is me,” you say, nodding toward a beat-up sedan.  Javi whistles.
“This is what they got you driving?  C’mon, LL—you need something fancier,” he jokes, lightly squeezing your waist.  Rolling your eyes, you laugh and pull your keys out of your purse, facing away from him.
“It’s inconspicuous—it’s not my car, either,” you say, winking playfully at Javi.  He swallows hard.  You turn to look at him and study his face.
The earth stills for a moment as both of you ponder how to say goodbye.  Javi wasn’t kidding earlier about wanting to kiss you, needing to feel your plush lips and your body pressed against his.  You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want the same.  All you’d need to do is lean in a bit and close your eyes.  Javi’s gaze draws a triangle from your eyes to your lips, fingertips lightly digging into your side.
A loud gale interrupts your thoughts, your hair flying into your vision.  Javi, acting on instinct once again, reaches to smooth the strands from your face.  You blink at him.  His hand hooks under your jaw, thumb swiping the soft skin of your face.  Your legs tremble ever so slightly.
“I’ll see you around, hermosa,” he breathes, leaning in.  You close your eyes and expect his lips to meet yours, but they don’t—they brush your cheek in a soft, soft kiss.  It’s delicate, sweet—and irritating.  You wanted more.
“Bye, Javi,” you murmur, surprisingly frustrated.  You turn away and try to leave his grasp, but he holds you firm at the waist.
“Hey,” he says, urging your attention, “You okay?”
You blink a couple times as you stare back at him, heat pooling in your cheeks.  He sees the frustration on your face.  You’d somewhat melted in his touch and peeled back some layers, showing him more emotion than you’d preferred—now, it’s made you feel like an idiot.
“Yes, of course… why wouldn’t I be?” you breathe, realizing now that you’re panting.  Javi is, too—holding back like this is a skill he’s not practiced often.  He still has a hand on your cheek, the other on your waist.  Puppy dog eyes stare back at you, hypnotizing you into tranquility.
“I normally don’t… don’t do this kinda stuff,” Javi says, looking down at the ground briefly.
“Do what?  Meet up with somewhat strangers at weird taverns and discuss alcoholic fathers?” you quip, grinning.  There, you are.  Javi chuckles.
“Only beautiful ones,” he adds, expression softening. Your smile fades and cheeks burn at his compliment.
“Something tells me that you’re good at getting people to do what you want,” you admit, mesmerized by his gaze.
“Yeah?  Are you included in that?” he asks quietly, pensive brown eyes glued to yours.  He’s not looking at your lips, now—he wants to see you.  You laugh breathily and shrug.
“You’ll have to present solid evidence to convince me to do anything,” you tease.  He chuckles again.
“So… can I convince you to go out into the field with me in Lawton?” he postulates, raising an eyebrow at you.  Your eyes widen in disbelief.
“Absolutely not—no matter how good you are,” you say, chuckling incredulously.
Suddenly, Javi pulls you into a warm embrace, arms looped under yours and barred across your back.  You sigh heavily, wrap your arms around his broad shoulders, and sink into him once again, now taking in his scent.  Cedarwood, musk, aftershave, whiskey, and faint cigarette smoke—complex, yet telling.  A man in pain, struggling to find purpose.  Your heart sinks at the thought of him drinking his own life away.  Javi pulls away slightly after a beat and you feel his breath—and smirk—on your earlobe.
“You have no idea how good I am, hermosa,” he whispers.  You freeze momentarily and stifle a whimper at the thought of what his mouth and that mustache can do.  You unwrap from each other, and he holds your hand for a moment before kissing the back of it softly.
“Bye, Rookie,” you breathe, smiling.  A similar one cracks on his face.
“Adios, hermosa.”  You watch him turn and walk the opposite direction, hand pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.
"Hey!" you call.  He turns to face you, now walking backwards toward his apartment.  He cocks his head at you and grins as he takes a drag.
“Stuff’s gonna kill you,” you scold him playfully.  He shakes his head, smiling as he pulls the cigarette from his lips and exhales a trail of smoke from the side of his mouth.
"S'not the only thing."
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Javi walks home with a pep in his step.
Your scent lingers on his shirt, in his nostrils.  Sweet, spicy, alluring.
Pictures of your face plaster the walls of his mind.  Your beautiful eyes, your wit.  Your boisterous laugh.
He wants to hear all your sounds, to see all your emotions spilling out of those captivating eyes.  He wants to feel your breath quicken as he brings you to ecstasy and feel it slow as you fall asleep next to him.
And as he finally drifts off to sleep, he dreams of your skin on his, your laughter, and a field of flores.
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¿Hablas español, hermosa = do you speak Spanish, beautiful?
Sí, empecé a aprender cuando era joven = Yes, I began learning when I was young.
Flor de Caña = Cane Flower
¿De qué piensas? = What are you thinking about?
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Taglist: @burntheedges <3
Please message me or reply to this if you want to be added! :)
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notquiteaghost · 2 years
Note
congrats on making a public inquiry on a line of interest situated in the middle of a venn diagram of like four things i've been thinking about a lot lately, your prize is this ask that is so long that in the time spent writing it and checking info someone less annoying may have directed you to some of it! this is all like easy enough to google but just in case it feels less uuhh to have someone with an approximate knowledge on some things offer you some pointers: here are some pointers
(i AM ALSO a thousands of CD's type of guy, but i've not done any big digital management of them since the last time i was regularly using ipods in the 2000s, n i am kinda Prepping for big digital management around my current standing main hyperfixation (participants of a season of an old korean idol reality competition show, a collection of Too Many Gotdamn People who have made Too Much Gotdamn Music) but i don't actually currently own a lot of the physical media there, so none of this are pointer from like. oh here is a workflow i am using etc, but)
answers to your two questions are 1) file sizes really depend on lots of factors but rule of thumb is that in a collection of 'normal song' mp3 file size averages out to 5-7MB a song, and a 3-4min mp3 file being >10MB is surprising
and 2) re: storage prices, 1TB (~1,000,000MB, so probably ~166,666MB 3min mp3's) in external harddrive will run at about £50 in western digital brands atm (western digital is what i've been occasionally looking at for my data management thing bc i've seen it mentioned specifically as more reliable than seagate, which i have had issues with; anecdotally, my mum's WD elements has lasted her about a year longer than her seagates kick the bucket). prices atm on curry's stack up at £80 for 2TB, £108 for 4TB, £180 for 8TB
refurbished is an option when it's 'rectified' and sold by the company itself; for WD, those prices atm stack up at £30 for 1TB, £35 for 2TB, £55-60 for 4TB (their page for these are https://www.westerndigital.com/en-gb/products/recertified) (i do not know enough about this area and would wanna look up specific reviews on a company's rectifying track record before purchasing myself, so obv do the same)
answers to questions you DID NOT ask but may have later on if you do set out on the CD Digitization Project that i have answered preemptively bc i am ANNOYING:
tagging music with correct info is often the most time-consuming part of this shit, so a tagger is your friend. the musicbrainz database should have a lot of stuff covered, so their tagger picard might well do (https://picard.musicbrainz.org/, also has some good plugins for like formating multi-disc albums etc if you wanna scan through those), but tagscanner (https://www.xdlab.ru/en/index.htm) can also pull from discogs if needed, though you may still need a discogs account + to make an api key do use that
i was like. spike will probably appreciate it if i provided ways in which their dad could still be autistic about music in a digital format, but i'm having a hard time pulling up music players that meet my vision / make it clear if they do re: you can see cd booklet, and also this info seems to not typically be in databases. i'll carry on looking for players in this area bc i ALSO want this, but suggested desktop windows players other than windows media player / grooveshark / vlc (which are all fine, but imo none are the most intuitive for regular heavy listening) are my best friend foobar2000 (https://www.foobar2000.org/, also has a tagger that pulls from musicbrainz and maybe discogs?), musicbee (https://getmusicbee.com/, tagger plugins available), and aimp (https://www.aimp.ru/); deadbeef (https://deadbeef.sourceforge.io/) is created more to get your hands into with the technical stuff, but it's got custom metadata fields. really after you've looked to see if you think your dad would want a particular feature, unless space is a major consideration then it is just well what looks nicest.
file backup! backblaze (https://www.backblaze.com/) allows an external hard drive to be added in an image backup of a machine, which is the only good way to do a (pseudo-)sync backup without paying for cloud subscription or setting up a NAS etc; at $70/year it is obviously A Cost but way less than premium cloud drive subscription, so if it feels useful to know,
if the NAS mention / video at the end of that post wrt turning an old computer or laptop into a media server (so thing that is plugged into a wall that has files on it + a media player --> other computers / phones / etc on the same network (which can be outside the home too) can connect to that player and files) was interesting lmk bc i've also been looking into that a lot mostly as like, storage nerd aspirations, it's just a whole other thing that's irrelevant if you're more interested in just bunging stuff on an external drive (i've send this as an ask with the intent for you to keep it On File, so sent me another or a dm to lmk!)
you are not at ALL annoying you are a godsend!!!!
the thing abt my father is he is actually better at tech stuff than me (he ran his school's website & also michael's website, in the 00s, when that meant he built them from scratch) (he's still a little bitter abt his school outsourcing their website to whatever service every school uses nowadays. he used to add little falling snowflakes in the winter n april fools jokes n such), so yes i was very much anticipating saying to him like. find a backup storage method you like and i will do the legwork of actually ripping n sorting everything
i did NOT know taggers even existed but holy shit yes i will definitely need one. i do not anticipate him ever actually getting rid of his physical copies – smth he has already done is buy a ton of plastic wallets n move the CDs & booklets into them so instead of ur standard plastic jewel case taking up all that space it's effectively as thin as the actual CD – & also he no longer has a computer (i do not get this decision either. he just uses his phone????) so i doubt he'll need music player software. my thought is really 'he needs backups spare CDs and a CD writer so if any die they can be replaced'
however i will definitely look into the music player software, and maybe also forward this info to my brother (if it's even news to him, he's the kind of music autistic who has a £200 pair of headphones). thank you SO much <3
edit: just saw ur second ask n shdgdhd yeah i am gonna bookmark this post, my askbox is a pit things vanish into forever
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iheardarumorthings · 2 years
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I posted 869 times in 2022
That's 568 more posts than 2021!
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@puppy-coded
I tagged 509 of my posts in 2022
Only 41% of my posts had no tags
#the great and powerful rumor speaks - 391 posts
#✨ anon - 280 posts
#huffle - 58 posts
#mad elia - 35 posts
#five hargreeves - 34 posts
#five hargreeves x reader - 32 posts
#lovely anons - 27 posts
#the umbrella academy - 27 posts
#five hargreeves x you - 26 posts
#tua - 24 posts
Longest Tag: 122 characters
#but only because my cat likes to bite me specifically and it’s not exactly the best way to wake up at three in the morning
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
five with a clingy!so
hi! i'm sorry these are so short and that they're so late!!
HEADCANONS FOR FIVE WITH CLINGY!S/O
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This would be the best type of s/o for him probably
Like… the man is just so touch-starved that once he gets a taste it’s like-
He’s clingy too, dude, so it works
Along with this, it’s a lot easier because he doesn’t like being lonely on his time traveling escapades
Plus, whatever happens to him happens to you so if you’re both 13 again… welp at least one of you isn’t 50 with the other being 13
Especially with how touchy you are, that wouldn’t be good.
You’re just always with him, so unlike with other s/os he wouldn’t have to jump around and say basically the equivalent of “get in the car loser, we’re going shopping”
So he’d just be like, hey we’re going and you’d be like ok cool and everything would be happy and good :)
1,128 notes - Posted February 4, 2022
#4
congrats on 100!!! I love your writing sm aaaa I keep coming back :')
for the celebration, fluff prompt, "I'm so proud of you" and "I can't believe I married you" with five hargreeves pls?
hi! i'm so sorry this is so late, i've had a LOT on my plate the last two weeks, it's been really stressful, but i've FINALLY done it! thank you so much for your kind words, i hope you love it!
warnings: tooth-rotting fluff, allison not resisting a little spying-session (you'll know what i mean), really short
LOVE WAS MORE LIKE IT
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“You did it,” you whispered, just after letting out a cough. The dust from the farm had filled your lungs, the snow making a home in your hair. “You made it, you did it.”
Five collapsed on the ground just next to you, his arm swinging around your shoulder, pulling you into him. You had forgotten the last time you two had gotten to do this, just being together without the looming threat of death over your heads. You had missed it.
You could tell that he did too.
“We both did it, sweetheart. It wasn’t just me.”
You barked out a laugh, “Yeah, sure.” You looked him in the eye then, face becoming more serious. “I’m so proud of you.”
It meant a lot to him, you realized. It meant so much, the validation. His siblings wouldn’t give him any, but you would. The tender kiss on your temple was enough to tell you so as he leaned his head on yours.
~*~
You were sleeping. You deserved it, he thought, fighting off the urge to shake you awake and go for coffee. You needed a healthy sleep schedule. You couldn’t get sick just after the end of the world was avoided, not after all you two had done to keep yourselves alive.
His fingers grazed your forehead on a reflex. You didn’t have a fever. The last time you did had been harrowing, putting everything into perspective.
“I can’t believe I married you,” he whispered, looking down at your closed eyes.
~*~
Allison never realized how much her brother could love a person. She never realized that every seemingly-over-analyzing look he gave you meant something different, something more.
He didn’t just drag you around because of the time you two had spent together, he dragged you around because he liked you- love was more like it, she supposed. He loved you. That much was apparent.
Why else would he be so enamored with whether or not you seemed well or if you had drunk enough water or eaten enough.
“You were amazing,” she heard him whisper, watching his fingers take a stray hair out of your face.
She smiled then, tears welling up in her eyes. She smiled then because her brother was happy, and so were you. She smiled because he had someone to watch his back, and he can experience the euphoria he deserves.
She smiled even wider when he pulled the covers closer to your chin before laying down himself for a well-deserved rest.
1,167 notes - Posted January 21, 2022
#3
HEY BESTIE CAN U MAKE A BLURB OR SOMETHING ABOUT FIVE HARGREEVES DURING THE FIRST EP OF S3 like yk the one where he saw delores after jayme spits on him and the reader who happens to date him saw it and like "wtf is he doing" and heard the name delores coming out of his mouth and the reader just goes silence after that scene BECAUSE THE READER IS THINKING ABOUT IT A LOT LIKE "is he actually still in love with a mannequin" and like very angsty afterwards but Five confronted her why she's being so quiet after their visit at the sparrows and the rest is up to u :] TYSM IDK ITS MY 1ST REQUEST ACTUALLY AND I CANTTT STOP THINKING ABT S3
ANGSTANGSTANGST
warnings: i think there's swearing, female reader (in my mind, but i can't remember using pronouns), angst. hardcore angst
tags: @mad-elia
PERFECTION
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You were both running to get to Allison, his arm was around your waist, the other arm stretched toward the cornered woman. 
“Thanks,” she heaved once the three of you made it to the upstairs. 
“No problem,” Five said.
And then you saw her. She was a taller woman with electric black hair and green eyes. 
He told you guys to go, that he’d handle the woman. While Allison ran, you lingered, hiding behind the wall, watching.
He hit her over the head and she let out a groan of pain. Good. He could handle anything, your boyfriend. You had no doubt he’d be able to handle this easily; after all, he was probably the quickest thinker out of everyone. He could do anything and everything and that was only one reason you were irretrievably, desperately in love with the man.
And then came the spit, along with a hiss bubbling from the woman’s mouth. Jayme, you think her name was. Jayme. It sounded about right.
You wrinkled your nose, much like Five who began to berate her. “Agh! Hey, gross, alright?”
But before he could continue the usual lecture about sanitation, his face went glassy. Sweat built up on his forehead, and he began to walk around almost aimlessly.
“What the hell?” you heard him whisper. His eyes were directed toward the stairs, as were Jayme’s.
You ran out, looking at him, but didn’t touch him. Disturbing people when they’re in a trance could end dangerously, you heard. 
“What did you do to him?” you whispered, but she heard it and only smiled. It wasn’t one of those soft smiles; it was something similar to Five’s smile when he was irked. It was crooked, fake.
“I’m only showing him what he wants, kid.”
“Dolores?” Five whispered. You could feel your heart shatter.
The mannequin; that mannequin that sat with the both of you through the darkest nights of the apocalypse. She was there through everything; he always seemed to choose her over you. Even after you two were together. Dolores this; Dolores that; “Dolores would look good in this, wouldn’t she?”; “Dolores, you’re perfect”; “Dolores, I love you”.
You thought it was over. You thought he was over the stupid mannequin; you thought he loved you, only you. You thought that you two were meant for one another, the stupid soulmate shit everyone preached. But, you could see now, you clung on too tightly to the dreams a little girl would have.
You could see him break out into a smile, a genuine one. “Dolores.”
And then came the italian. 
“Really? Italian? Holy shit. Do you think I could get out of this without fighting you?” you asked Jayme. She raised an eyebrow at you before quickly turning to Five. “I’m way to tired for-”
He began to make out with thin air. 
Well, fuck.
“Okay, I’m just going to go,” you said, holding back the tears that threatened to spill.
You only just turned your back when you heard Five tumble down the stairs.
~*~
“Just gonna sit. I’m just gonna sit for a minute,” Luther groaned.
See the full post
1,670 notes - Posted June 24, 2022
#2
For tua
Their reaction when you fall asleep on them (the family)
as their s/o or as a friend, it’s your choice :)
sorry this is so late!
HEADCANONS FOR YOU FALLING ASLEEP ON THEM
Luther:
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“And then on my favorite crater I- Y/N?”
Um- excuse YOU
Falling asleep on him while he’s talking about the moon? He never fell asleep on you when you talked about whatever you were interested in, he just pretended to listen!
This was blatant, and it will not be stood for.
He pushed you off the couch.
Diego
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2,238 notes - Posted February 18, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
holyfuck okay i don’t know if you would be okay with writing this but like the last requester, the wedding scene just did something to my feelings and what if,, five and reader broke up in 1963 texas and during the wedding scene they ended up sitting in the same table and the reader says “don’t look at me like that” and five asks what look and she says “like you still love me” and it’s just mutual pining since they still love each other and angst and deargod my heart
I HAVE MORE ANGST TODAYYYYYYY
warnings: long for me; five says fuck a lot; swearing; five breaking the reader's heart; angry confession; reader being set; reader denying anything and everything; reader being hurt (emotionally); female reader; reader is a fan of chocolate
tags: @mad-elia
SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE
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He had wrecked you.
“I don’t think… I-” He pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes scrunched up. “We can’t do this anymore. You’re my wife, and I love you. But I’m not… in love with you. Do you know what I mean?”
He had wrecked you, but you stood taller, agreeing with the man child. So he didn’t love you after every piece of you was offered to him on a silver platter. He didn’t love you after you nursed him back to health in the apocalypse. He didn’t love you after you assured him that it wasn’t his fault all of you were separated, stuck in time. 
He didn’t love you.
“No,” you laughed breathily, strained. “I get it. I totally get it. It’s no problem-”
“I’m glad,” he said, giving you a tired smile. “Now, I suggest we both go get some sleep. It’s been a hellish twenty days, hasn’t it?”
~*~
You had grabbed a tight-fitting sweater and overall shorts. It was much better than the uniform, you had to admit. 
You hopped down the stairs of the hotel, greeting your brothers and sister in law. 
Correction: Ex-in-laws.
“Good morning, peeps! How are we all doing?”
“Excellently, dear sister of mine,” Klaus responded. You stiffened; he didn’t notice. “And how are you this morning?”
You were crying all night.
“I’m amazing. Best sleep of my life.”
Allison’s shirt was soaked.
“Mimosa, (Y/N)?” Five called out from behind the bar. He was dressed in a t-shirt, a flannel and a vest…and a fedora. A plaid one.
“You look like you’re retiring and about to go on a fishing trip with the grandkids.”
“Oh ha ha,” he mocked, starting to pour you a drink. “You sleep well?”
“Best one yet. I don’t care if the mattress smells like sweat.”
His nose wrinkled. “Do you need me to run and grab you some new sheets?”
“I think I’ll take a trip today; I have nothing better to do anyway.”
He nodded. “Just be careful- there are a lot of alleyways that weird shit happens in.”
“Oh, well that makes me feel better.”
Before he could respond Klaus ran up to the both of you. “Okay, so I know that you’re retired Five, and I’m assuming your lovely wife-” You both winced; again, he didn’t notice…or he didn’t care. “-is also in retirement. What do you two say to a road trip? It’s what retired people do! You two, me, the countryside! What do you say?”
Five looked at you; you looked at Five and shrugged.
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2,667 notes - Posted June 24, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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inkovert · 2 years
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Welcome back to writeblr! ...I say as I only now dip back in myself after too many years of lurking. >.> I can't wait to follow along with your journey of editing your draft! I'm at a similar point in my writing, and while there's so much talk about writing and plotting and eventually publishing maybe, sometimes it feels lonely to work in that in-between zone of being "done" but not really. And congrats on 60 books! That's insane! As someone who desperately needs to read more, do you have any recommendations for Best and Worst books that you read?
aw thank you! Yes I definitely get the lurking. I've been lurking myself for the past few months but have finally decided to commit to posting again.
Haha I didn't think my editing journey would be of interest to anyone so I'm happy to hear that. I may post about it more than I'd intended to then in hopes that it may be useful to someone.
I 100% agree with you - though I understand finishing a draft of a story requires a *massive* amount of time/effort so understandable that there aren't floods of people posting about this part of the process - but I have been floundering to find advice about editing and while there is some out there I wish there was more! And just more commiseration about how hard it is? Like I've only just started in the last month and I haven't made much progress, I'm still figuring out an organized method to go about it. All that is to say I'm happy to commiserate with you any time about this "done-but-not-really" phase that we're both in lol.
Re best and worst books I've read: oof. It has so much to do with preference! A book that I consider 10/10 great someone else may not find their cup of tea. If you're asking for book recommendations for you to personally read for enjoyment I'd need more info on what you personally look for in books! If you're looking for recommendations on books to read to analyze story elements that I think have been done well and/or not so well, that's a list I'll provide below (excuse if this is not what you were asking for):
Books Stronger in Important Story Elements
A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles:  Strengths: Storytelling, narrative voice/tone, well-rounded characters, character development. Weaknesses/Criticisms: time-jumps could be confusing.
 I think this novel was brilliant and so enjoyable because of the way the story was told. Of all the things I listed as its strengths the biggest was the character development. Following The Count (the MC) from where he began to where he ended, and how his growth came about so organically was so satisfying. And despite the slower-pacing of this story, the narration is delivered in such a charming way to keep you engaged and turning the pages. 
Legendborn by Tracey Deonn:  Strengths: everything.  Weaknesses/Criticisms: nothing (I’m joking I just can’t think of any).
This book is probably in my top three reads of this year. You want well-rounded characters with clear motivations? You got it. You want amazing and well-explained worldbuilding with information delivered to you at necessary times and not info-dumped into a wall of exposition? You got it. You want a well-paced story that nicely balances the heightened action and suspenseful beats of the story with the low-stakes emotional, introspective beats that will keep you hungrily devouring the pages? You got it. You want a well-developed and not-forced romantic subplot? You got it. I have nothing bad to say about this book, but I’m sure there are criticisms out there if you want to go looking for them. 
Pachinko by Lee Min-Jin:  Strengths: strong characters/character development over long time period, thematically strong Weaknesses/Criticisms: again, don’t have any but they’re there ofc
If you are writing an epic saga or a series, even though this book is a standalone, I think it’s a masterclass in how to write realistic characters who readers get to follow over an extended period of time. You can watch how they grow over a number of decades and simultaneously how they retain their flaws and the core of their identities. A big theme/trope of this story is generational trauma, which is handled incredibly well. 
The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah  Strengths: strong atmospheric writing and strong conflict  Weaknesses/Criticisms: Some people think the ending was rushed/too unrealistic- while I understand the criticism I don’t agree with it so form your own opinion!
I will preface this by saying there are a number of CWs in this book that I would look up before reading because I was shocked/unprepared when they came up as I was reading. That being said, this is an emotionally heavy book. But what I think it does the best is that it makes it clear from the get-go that the setting is a major character of the book, and Hannah does so with such strong atmospheric writing that you can feel yourself in the bone-chilling, bleak, harsh winters of Alaska. But even more than that, is that the major conflict(s) that are central to the story are not just man vs. man or man vs. self but also man vs. nature. The setting is a silent but imposing antagonist, that is foreshadowed long before it becomes a threat, which makes this book even more terrifyingly engaging. 
Books Weaker in Important Story Elements
Disclaimer: I am criticizing these books purely from a writing stand-point. These books may be great content/premise wise; they’re probably someone’s favorite book, and that’s fine. But objectively I think most of my writing-specific criticisms are valid (and I’ve read reviews from other readers who have shared similar viewpoints). 
Olga Dies Dreaming by Xochitl Gonzales
I hate to criticize an author of color because there’s so few of us out there. But that doesn’t mean we’re above making mistakes. To be fully transparent, I did not finish this book (DNF'd @ 30%), but I was buddy reading it with a friend who did finish it and she told me that all the issues I had with it carried on to the end of the book, so I feel confident/comfortable still saying this. This book had a lot of potential, and the premise was quite interesting, but the strength of the story got buried beneath heaps of exposition/info-dumping, a lot of “telling” not “showing” (mostly with regards to the characters, which made it hard for me to connect with them and see them as real people). Another issue this book suffered from was its lack of focus. The author attempted to tackle way too many things in this story, which left her unable to meaningfully explore any one theme/subplot. So this book taught me that being overambitious with the topics I’m trying to tackle may not always be a good thing and can cause my story to suffer. And info-dumping on your readers can make them want to pull their hair out (at least that was the case for me). See: Lengendborn on how to balance the info you give readers.
Things We Do In the Dark by Jennifer Hillier This is a thriller/mystery novel also by an author of color (I’m sorry). This book did a lot of things well and I think it was a great novel…just not as a thriller. It took me a while to figure out why I felt meh about this book and it was because there was such a lack of suspense. I wasn’t sitting at the edge of my seat wondering what would happen next. I felt like I was reading a contemporary fiction novel sans thriller. 
Upgrade by Blake Crouch Same as above. This book did not have me hanging at the edge of my seat despite being a sci-fi thriller. What I believe this book suffered from most though, is that it felt like it was written for a movie adaptation, and not to please/satisfy its readers. In this new age where books are being shuttle to the screen with increasing frequency, I get it (esp because this author already has one his books being adapted to screen). But I think that just sets you up for the “movie is better than the book” comment. If you’re a novelist, honor your medium and write a book, not a screenplay. 
An Unkindness of Magicians by Kat Howard There are too many issues with this book to count, so I’ll just list the lessons that I learned post-read: If you’re writing a book with multiple POVs, make sure each POV matters. Don’t use multiple POVs just to give the illusion that the story is fast-paced just because we’re constantly shifting POVs, or to make it seem like more is happening in your story when really…nothing is. It just makes the story unnecessarily complicated and hard to follow. Put as much time and effort into crafting villains as you do your main characters. Don’t make them caricatures! Make them well-rounded so they feel real and I actually give a shit about them even if I don’t agree with them. If you’re gonna build up to some intense moment or event - make sure there’s actually a satisfying payoff. Don’t end every conflict/battle in two sentences. It just makes me as a reader stop trusting you every time you point a red arrow at a scene and say “Look! This is cool/important!” I'll walk away feeling cheated and lied to.
I hope this was somewhat helpful to *someone* even if this wasn’t what you were looking for. Feel free to ask any follow up questions or come back and chat with me :) 
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queenofthedorks · 2 years
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Last March I was officially diagnosed with ADHD after being unofficial diagnosed twice. Once my freshman year of high school when both my brother and father were diagnosed, the shrink was like “Oh yeah. She definitely has signs, but she’s doing fine in school. We don't need to do anything.” I then proceeded to deliberately flunk 8 classes in the next two years because I did not want to be in those classes, but no one did anything. BECAUSE I WAS FINE.
The second time I was unofficially diagnosed was in Fall 2013. I was working a full-time job and taking 9 credit hours of studio art, and I was getting close to graduating and trying to decide what to do, and it was just too much. Every time I sat down to make art, I had a meltdown. So I’m like okay. It’s time. I need meds. But I didn’t understand that sometimes you have to really push, and the doctor was like you're fine. Once you graduate, it will be fine.
I proceeded to almost tank grad school at least once a year for 3 years, and after a hardware failure, forgetting to back up, and in general, just being unmedicated ended up writing 60 pages of thesis in 2 weeks in a sheer fucking panic. BUT I WAS FINE.
Anyway, that's not what this is about.
Last March I WAS NOT FINE. (IDK how anyone could possibly be fine coming out of 2020/21, but that's also not what this is about.) So I took advantage of an online service, because finding a shrink to meet with in person after the previous instances was just TOO FUCKING MUCH.
And the online service was like GuuurRL. Congrats. You got both the inattentive type and the impulsive type. Well done. Well done indeed. We recommend medication. Also, some therapy, cause we’re a little worried about you.
At my med appointment, the shrink and I talked and eventually ended up with Concerta because, as I pointed out, I don’t remember to drink water or eat my lunch half of the time. I won’t remember to take my meds more than once a day.
And I was incredibly lucky because it worked pretty much straight out of the gate. I’d heard some horror stories so I was prepared to throw a fit, but the preauthorization was approved in like two hours, and I started taking my meds I wasn’t always 100%, but OMG, it was a night and day difference between being medicated and not. It took less energy to focus on the big stuff, which meant I wasn’t exhausted and frozen when I attempted the little stuff. And the constant low grade grind of anxiety I felt on a daily basis almost completely disappeared.
Then in January, I picked up my prescription and was like huh. The shape of my pills changed. Which should have given me a moment of pause, but this is the first long term prescription I’ve taken. About three-quarters of the way through January, I realized I was struggling. It wasn't quite as bad as not being medicated at all, but suddenly the little things like working out, cleaning, and packing my lunch became next to impossible to do again. And I don’t know, maybe it was actually worse, because I now know what I should feel like and I wasn’t. But still, I’ve been so gaslit by my previous experiences that I thought it was maybe me. January was especially grey this year, so I upped my vitamin D. Made some effort to sit in the sun when it was available and poured some effort into focus. And still I struggled. Anxiety kicked back up; small things slipped further through the cracks. I was really getting down on myself, because I should be fine. And I was not. So clearly I was fucking up some how.
And then I saw a tiktok from someone who was essentially in the same situation, but even worse. They’d been great for like a decade, but in the last two months it has been a constant struggle. And oh btw they were also taking Concerta. I decided maybe it wasn't just me, being me then. Maybe, there was something wrong. So, I started digging and discovered three things that happened at essentially the same time.
My insurance stopped covering the name brand.
The one manufacturer whose generic was precisely the same as the name brand stopped manufacturing it.
The generic that the pharmacy is giving is a bilayer tablet instead of a trilayer and is supposed to be time release, but????
The reason Concerta really works for some people is not the meds inside so much--it's just Ritalin--it's the way it's delivered. It's designed to do an initial dump of about 20% of the drug in the first hour or so, and then it does a really slow release of the rest of the drug for about 10 hours. Unfortunately, it's a proprietary delivery system, and with Janssen no longer producing it, it's the named brand or nothing.
Whatever this generic is doing it’s not doing it the way I needed to. And I should be fine, but I’m not. So after being kind paralyzed by anxiety and executive dysfunction for several weeks I am finally gonna talk to the doctor today about I don’t know? A new med? I don’t even know how this works. I just know that I know how functional feels now, so I’m not going back to not if I can at all help it.
Anyway, the American healthcare system is bullshit. Like I get that I’m incredibly privileged to have the meds covered at all, but fuck they should not be able to just suddenly decide I can only take a generic that’s not really equal to the named brand.
So after much dithering about if I should talk to someone, I finally made an appointment today. And after I made the appointment I realized they the only reason I dithered was because I’m concerned that someone is going to tell me I’m fine.
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incarnateirony · 3 months
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I wonder if she's improved her life habits at all.
Because for all her bitching about the occasional lone beer bottle, she sure couldn't be assed to clean anything up herself. I still had to do and unload the dishes or they wouldn't be done. I still had to run the trash or it wouldn't be done. I still had to work 60+ hours between because she loved blowing an extra 20+ bucks a day at the gas station, or about 600/mo, and that's not including agreed on purchases like cigs or whatever. And between all that she still wanted infinite RP game attention, and literally ran off because she wasn't getting it.
I know as it is they managed to lose their job within like, months of me leaving. Like the one she only got to premeditatively kick me out the second she got her first check and let me pay off all her bills. She gave an address of employment and I haven't even been assed to check it out on google or whatever for fear of discovering some other visuals I've encountered while she's been attaching her parasitic ass to me. So at least then she'd almost have an excuse to not do shit but premeditatively complain her way around a house, but afaik her hubby is working too, so that should still be equal load.
Just a general thought about this pretty princess bitch. I really doubt it's changed since in her mid thirties she recently discovered Buying Groceries Is Hard. And in her case on TWO incomes. Between Formerly Rich Daddy, and Me As Her Sugar Daddy, and other men all covering her ass before she fucked them over--she never had to deal with that. Marie Antoinette is learning what it's like to go to Walmart and spend HER money, not someone else's. Not free ride in her parents loft while letting her partner of the year pay all other expenses. Even when she "moved out cuz she hates her parents" (that she also shit talks in cycles), she was entirely codependent on two people, who she was twisting around her fingers too while trying to contact me so she could lose her job and have me come save her ass while the others got the fuck out realizing everything she'd done and said that year or so had been a lie.
Did you guys know this cunt is so entitled that AFTER she let me pay bills and then lemon stunted and tried to throw me out of the apartment I was the one paying for. Conveniently, a tree crashed through her parents house around the last week I was there, or right after I moved, and after ALL OF THIS BULLSHIT, the INFESTED FLAPPING LABIA SHE IS, in ALL HER FUCKING ENTITLEMENT, literally felt she had the right to come to me, while LITERALLY WAITING TO MOVE IN HER USELESS BOYFRIEND, and "uwu, will you help pay to save my parents house."
To which I was like. Damn. That sucks. Too bad we don't have two home incomes now instead of me having to spend thousands of dollars I'm working double overtime to make up after you leeched my money and stunted just so I can move out. Good luck with that, you cunt. Congrats, her whorish ways increased her family's suffering and nobody is required to help them. And, just like in Every Other Meaningful Qualifier, the low budget man she imported to replace me over her twitter roleplay addiction and anger that she wasn't being allowed to vanish into disassociation land, or at least wasn't being enabled by me-- he couldn't do shit, he wasn't worth shit, she had to come to ME. Fucker can't provide, can't protect, can only whine and push her down the delirium slide for his own gain.
I was doing my weekend post workweek major house cleaning and it just struck me. The only thing I am missing is a 400 lb behemoth money leech pissing off all my friends, nothing in my life responsibilities has changed beyond grounding her dramatic ass. Well technically i have more with the baby business and those responsibilities, but even adding that in, and all the extra cleaning or time or energy required, is less fucking draining than standing in her proximity. My potted plants literally have better personalities than her, and give back more to society.
She's fucking poison.
Did I ever write about the time she got us both fired from a company by breaking company policy about competition with other employees and companies??? I didn't even have shit to do with it but we both worked for the same company in the same house, and because the dumb bitch couldn't control herself, we both lost our job back then. I wonder if that's what happened at Geico. At best I'd vaguely entertained an idea for a future possible business model I was nowhere near making, loosely inspired by my job's concept, when she pitched it. Her empty head started flapping its lips at coworkers in the company trying to actively convert them into it like we were ready to launch already when we hadn't done the foggiest thing. Yeah. She's that stupid.
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tyonfs · 2 years
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hehehe, i can't believe i have one more trimester to go! (and yes ma'am i got that 4.0 again, aaaaaaay!) 4 more months and i'm officially done with grad school!! belated bday celebration was great--i went to a tiki bar and karaoke-d with my besties.
BUT YAYYY!! I'M SO GLAD YOU TOOK THAT BREAK TO SPOIL YOURSELF. totes get the adjusting back to academia tho. that sucks. i hate that period skjhgkfdjh.
as for those fics!!! i have not finished them because i really want to put my heart and soul into them, i need them to be long ass slow burns. like the fake dating!au is at 14k and it's barely getting started. i wanna make sure to include all the fanfic worthy moments of my whole situation into the fic so the plot rn is super dense lmao. but yo fake dating is really something else, imma tell you that. (i may or may not still be experiencing it, really weird, long winded story but i'll gladly share it with you via dm, it's highly entertaining.) as for the surfer fic, it was planned waaaaaay before the jcc but then the vlog fueled the fire! that one is 8k and just getting good too lol. i can never write short fics anymore. i keep re-reading both google docs and wish i can finish them soon but grad school/work is so draining. my goal is to get them out by the year's end!! so we'll see!!
WOOO CONGRATS!! YOURE IN THE FINAL STRETCH :’) it’s crazy to think about how fast uni flies by 🤧 and i’m really glad you enjoyed your bday and got to spend it with friends!! <3
long ass slow burns are soooo grueling to write but the end result is so worth it 🥹 i hope you get to write all the fics you want to your heart’s content ♡ my greatest fear is being 60 one day and regretting not writing smthn i rlly wanted to 😳
HAHAH PLS GO AHEAD AND SHARE IN DMS IF YOU PLEASE BC I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR ALL AB THE Y/N MOMENTS 🥹 and i adoreeee fake dating!!! 14k already?? i already know the build up is gonna be so worth it 😌😌 HAHAH U WROTE THE SURFER ONE BEFORE JCC?? THAT MUST HAVE BEEN THE BIGGEST SHOCK WHEN HE UPLOADED THOSE PICS AND THE VLOG.. BC I WAS ON MY KNEES 😵‍💫
take your time tho!! im sure you will feel re energized once you don’t have all that schoolwork so good luck and take it easy 💖💖
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loving-ricciardo · 2 years
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HAPPY HALLOWEEN! 🎃✨
I was going to do a whole scary themed Monday Motivation, but my week was already scary enough with passing my assessment (which means I can call myself post-grad now) and getting blamed for something by a friend (which let to a pretty bad fight on their end). Without emptying too much baggage out into your ask box, the past week was just a mess and I still don’t really know how to create a space to let it rest. It just sucks to end a week with a silent treatment and the feeling you can’t do anything right. So, I’m hoping for a far less scary and far more exciting week ahead. That last part will definitely come true, it is the week this Dutch artist I’m heavily liking (for more reasons than just his music 👀) releases his album and I’m going to the album party! 🎉 Enough about me! What are you hoping for this week?
Now, today being the final day of October… that means we are entering the final two months of 2022. Are you relieved/excited/scared/tired? Knowing that there are only two months left of a year that did teach me some big lessons and that made me smile and laugh harder than I’ve done before… it brings some pressure. But I want you, if you feel that pressure as well, to know that you can do SO much in 2 months. Want to practise a new skill before 2023? 60 days is more than enough time to set the foundation for that skill. Want to pick up lifting weights and getting stronger physically (something I need to do)? 8 weeks is a perfect number to see if it is something for you. Give yourself the faith that however you decide to fill in the next two months is the right way!
If you’re celebrating Halloween today, have fun! Stay safe! Do let me know what you dressed up as! If you’re not celebrating, I hope you will have an amazing Monday and that this week treats you as sweetly as the treats being handed out tonight 🧡
lovey!! hope you had a lovely halloween 🧡
First of all, congrats on passing your assessment! That’s exciting 🥳 I hope that you and your friend can make up asap 🫂 and hope you have a nice time at the album party 💕
my only wish for this week is to pass my exam haha so let’s hope that happens because I do NOT want to think about that course ever again 😠 overall very excited for the final two months of 2022 as 2022 is full of me getting out of my comfort zone and I wanna see what the universe holds for me next hihi 🤗
Sending you hugs and kisses and I hope you have a lovely week 🥰😚
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Zuko x Male Reader Request
Imagine meeting Zuko in Ba Sing Sei and getting jealous when he goes on a date with Jin
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You'd been working at the Pao Family Tea House for a while. It wasn't an amazing job but the pay got you through the week and they didn't ask for experience or even identification which was good. You and your family had left your home in the Earth Kingdom without such identification and so overall you were satisfied but one great perk was the new barista. Lee and his uncle had arrived out of nowhere and while Mushi had fit right in Lee was hilariously unhappy to be there. He hated the customers and did not care when they got angry or yelled at him. He put in the minimum level of effort but somehow never got fired or into trouble. You always had a thing for mardy idiots and so you found yourself admiring Lee pretty quickly. When a customer once angrily told him they'd "never come here again" he replied "good" and you broke a cup you were laughing so hard. After working in retail for so long it was oddly soothing to see someone just not give a crap about being rude back and every shift with him was fun. Lee, seemed to like you most (or at least hate you least) out of all the other workers, probably because you also didn't take your job seriously. You got the job done but weren't queuing up to do extra shifts or prove yourself by doing more work. You showed him the perfect ways to get out of doing work, or to hide when customers were coming and he seemed to appreciate that. He wasn't one for talking but he told you he was a refugee too and you bonded about wanting to go home to your old lives. There was something oddly fascinating about Lee and you wanted to get to know him more and more...however you weren't the only one. There was a girl called Jin who came into the tea shop every single time Lee was working. You connected the dots pretty quickly but kept quiet about it hoping the problem would go away. It didn't of course.
"Guess what!" Mushi called as you walked in for your shift and you paused "the Firelord's given up the war and we can all go home?". Mushi smiled "no it's not as good as that but nearly as unbelievable...Lee has a date". "A date?" you asked looking over to the skinny boy sat brooding in the corner "with who?". "That girl who's always in here, we worked out it's because she has a crush on him". Lee glared but you could see he was blushing and that made you sigh. This happened all the time. You'd become friends with a guy, bond with him and hope he'd notice your feelings only for him to choose someone else. It was exhausting but you'd been pretty excited about Lee...it was all for nothing now. "Well congrats" you shrugged before grabbing an apron and heading outside. You were in a bad mood after that and Lee strangely enough seemed to notice it. You snapped at a customer and he smirked "what's gotten into you? Usually I'm the one telling people where they can stick their tea leaves". You shrugged "just guess I'm not feeling it today, is that a problem". "No not at all" Lee said raising his hand but he was still smirking. "You know it's kind of funny seeing you mad, you're usually pretty stoic and unbothered so it's amusing to see you get mad". You rolled your eyes "I'm not mad I'm just irritated". "Why?" Lee asked "every day in here is irritating so what's so bad about today?". "You know I really admire your positivity, you're really nice to be around" you replied sarcastically. Lee smirked "and you're trying to duck the question". You sighed "well at the moment it's definitely you irritating me, why are you still here? Don't you have a date to prepare for?". You'd seen the boy get angry plenty of times but the time when you were actually trying to provoke him he just laughed. "You even look kind of like an angry turtle duck" he smirked "I really like this side to you y/n, you should show it more". You rolled your eyes and Lee smiled "but you're right. I did finish 60 seconds ago so I definitely shouldn't still be here. Have a great shift" he said smiling widely to annoy you and strode out the door. You sighed and raised a hand to your head. All evening you couldn't get Lee's date out of your head and when you showed up for work the next morning you knew you'd hear about it. When you walked in Mushi was working and you made your way towards him.
"How was the date?" you asked Mushi knowing he'd tell you eventually so you should just get it out of the way. "Ow I think it went very well! Lee seemed to enjoy it". You nodded "well I'm pleased for him" but couldn't have sounded less pleased. When Lee showed up to take over from his uncle you were relieved knowing Lee wouldn't bring it up and he didn't. Then Jin walked in. You froze and tossed Lee the tea towel "I'm going on break". He frowned "what? You can't leave me all alone, it's against the rules". "Yeah well tell the boss and get me fired then" you shrugged and went into the back. Lee sighed and followed you "what is with you lately? You're not a suck-up but you do care about not getting fired and doing an okay job". You shrugged "well I obviously don't want to be fired but I might take that over a continuation of your date". "My date?" Zuko asked and then he spotted Jin. She waved and he waved back awkwardly "this isn't a date, she's just here for tea". "Great then why don't you go get her some?" you replied. Lee frowned "why is this such a big deal for you? Come to think of it, you've been weird ever since you found out she likes me". You laughed "what? No I haven't! You're very self-centred Lee". "Yes you have and I think I know why" he said stepping closer. Your breath quickened but quickly evaporated at his next words. "You like Jin don't you?". You couldn't even laugh at how wrong Lee was but he took your silence to mean he was right. "I knew it! You know if you just admit it, I can put in a good word for you. She's nice but not for me". "No I don't like Jin!" you cried but Lee wouldn't let up. "It's so obvious you do so don't be childish. Just tell the truth". "But I don't like her!" you replied and he nodded "keep telling yourself that I know the truth and the truth is you like Jin and are jealous of me". "No you idiot!" you cried and kissed Lee before he could say another stupid thing. "I'm not jealous of you, I'm jealous of her" you whispered and Lee nodded "ow...ow" he said. You let go of him and stepped away. Lee was quiet for quite a while after that. You were standing there an anxious mess but he just wasn't saying anything. Then as you went to leave he sighed "look I like you but I can't". How many times had you heard that? You sighed "Lee if you don't like me you can just say that, you don't have to pretend" you replied and he shook his head. "No that's not it! Just I...my past is complicated and I'm not too sure how long we'll be here or what's going to happen to me and my uncle so it's not a good idea to start making connections or more with people" he said blushing "but that's not because I don't want to I promise". You still couldn't believe he was lying to your face and just shook your head "whatever I'm going" and walked away. Lee called after you once but he didn't follow. After that you avoided Lee and made sure to never get put on the same shift with him. The boy didn't try speaking to you again although you'd sometimes catch him watching you. When Moshi and Lee got offered their own cafe Moshi asked you to come with them but you didn't want to be around Lee so you declined. A few weeks later the two of them vanished. The talk was all over town but then quickly overshadowed by the invasion of the Fire Nation. Luckily the town was pretty big so they couldn't police everywhere and you managed to get through the next few months until the White Lotus liberated your town. Then things went back to normal pretty quickly and you were back into your old routine. You walked to the cafe and unlocked the door getting ready for the day. You walked to the back without looking around and were putting on your apron when you heard someone clear their throat. You jumped out of your skin and spun around wielding a coffee mug in front of you as a weapon. If it wasn't for the scar you wouldn't have recognised Lee. He looked very different, his hair was longer and even though his clothes were plain they looked very expensive. "H/n" he said speaking first "I...I'm not sure if you recognise me but it's Lee". You nodded "I recognise you" and Lee nodded "that's good...you're still here". You raised an eyebrow "was I not supposed to be?". "No I meant that in a good way...I was worried you'd have moved and I wouldn't be able to find you". You shook your head "my family have decided to stay here until we see what's happening out there but why were you trying to find me?". Lee paused "well you see I've got some things I need to confess to you. I wasn't that truthful when I was here and I want you to know the truth...who I really am". You nodded a little confused but also intrigued. "My name isn't Lee, it's Zuko and I'm from the Fire Nation Royal family". You snorted "yeah and I'm the earth king's pet bear, did you really come all this way to try and mess with me?" you asked. Lee or Zuko shook his head "no y/n I'm telling the truth! My name is Zuko and I'm...". You pushed open the backdoor and tried to force him out but the second it swung open some green warriors all began pointing their weapons at you, "Let the Firelord go...slowly" the lead one said and your hand dropped away from him "holy shit you're telling the truth!". After that Zuko explained everything. How he'd been banished, ended up in Ba Sing Sei, return a hero and then dethroned his father. It all seemed like an elaborate story of fiction but you could tell he was telling the truth. "So now you're the Firelord?" you asked and Zuko nodded "yep, still getting used to that and it's been 3 months but I am the Firelord". You nodded "so what are you doing here?" Zuko laughed nervously and nodded "well I often felt bad about how we left things". You winced "now I can see you were being serious about your life being complicated". Zuko smiled "I was...I didn't like leaving the way me and my uncle did so I wanted to come back to explain and also to pass on a message. My uncle has decided to move back here and has opened up his cafe again". You nodded "the jasmine dragon, everyone will be thrilled". Zuko smiled "he thinks so but he also said he needs great staff and as I'll be off running the country he wants you. He can pay you triple what you're getting here and wants to give you proper employee benefits like health care and insurance for your family". You blinked "are you being serious?". Zuko nodded "completely. We both really appreciated the kindness you showed us here and my uncle wants to make up for it, so what do you say?". You shook your head "I...well I'm not going to say no to that am i?". Zuko smiled "We hoped not, do you want to see the place?". "Of course!" you nodded and the two of you set off with his body guards leading and trailing him defensively. "
I'm really glad you're accepting the position y/n, I think you're really going to like it" Zuko told you and you nodded "me too" smiling. Zuko smiled back blushing slightly and you grinned, amused this blushing handsome fool was the Firelord. "So your uncle's moved here permanently?" you asked and Zuko nodded "yep". "That must be hard for you, I know the two of you were close". Zuko nodded "we still are, I visit as much as I can so you'll be seeing me every month at least". "Every month huh?" you asked and Zuko nodded "or more frequently if I can get away, is that okay?". You nodded "that sounds great" and Zuko smiled "great" and then winced making you laugh. You reached the cafe and Zuko held the door open for you "you ready to start your new life?" he asked stretching out a hand to you. You smiled and took his hand.
____________
@novascauta​ I hope you like it! 
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skiesofthesketchy · 3 years
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36, 60, and 71, if you can combine prompts for one request! was thinking like an accident happens, and jj’s freaking out, but there’s a happy ending obviously. If you only want 1 prompt, let’s go with 60 :)
congrats on 1k lovely!! you deserve it, and keep up all your amazing work ❤️
thanks for the request!! i kinda went in a different direction but i hope you like this! :)
masterlist
1k celebration blurbs
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60. So I accidentally told her that I loved her. What do I do?
71. I didn't know how to tell you [before].
***
“Shit, shit, shit,” JJ murmured under his breath. His thoughts were running wild but he couldn’t process a single one of them. The confident and easy-going pogue had turned into a nervous mess, and he had nobody to blame but himself.
“JB, you better fucking answer,” he panted into his cellphone that was pressed to his face. He waited impatiently as he heard the ringing in his ear, all while basically running in the direction of the Chateau.
Right as JJ was about to hang up and try again, his best friend John B. finally picked up.
“Hey, what’s up, man? Are you coming by later? Pope and Kie are already here and we got the beer--”
“JB, I fucked up. I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up.”
“Woah, JJ, relax. What happened?” John B. immediately had a thousand different ideas of the trouble his friend could be in and ultimately assumed the worst. He had stopped everything to listen intently to JJ on the phone.
JJ sighed, still feeling like he wasn’t in complete control of his body. “JJ. What is it?” John B. asked again. He was getting more scared by the second about what could possibly be wrong. Did JJ do something to his dad? Is he running from the cops again?
“I accidentally told her that I love her. What the fuck do I do?” His tone was desperate, eyebrows creased in worry. He needed his best friend to tell him what to do.
JJ was a quick thinker, always able to escape trouble when he needed to. But this was different. Years of friendship out the window. He was convinced he had just ruined everything and that you would never want to see him again.
John B., of course, knew exactly who JJ was referring to. JJ only ever had feelings for you. Even with the string of random girls coming and leaving JJ’s bedroom, nobody compared to you.
Much to JJ’s dismay, he could hear his friend’s booming laughter through the phone. “Hey man, that’s great! Good for you,” John B. laughed. He was relieved that it wasn’t something actually bad, and was thankful JJ’s situation was amusing instead.
“It’s not great, and it’s definitely not funny,” JJ grumbled. “Can you be serious for a second? My life just blew up in my face and it’s my own damn fault.”
“Hey, seriously, you need to relax. Did she actually reject you?” John B. asked carefully.
“She would have if I would’ve stuck around to hear it.”
“What does that mean?”
“I ran away, okay?!” JJ yelled. “I got the hell out of there before she could even say anything.” Yep, he wanted to punch himself in the face for that. But he didn’t mean to spill his feelings all over you. It was all just a huge mistake.
It was something that couldn’t be helped, though. There you were, standing on the beach looking as beautiful as always. Your hair blew softly in the breeze as the golden sun gave your figure a gracious glow. The sight of you was enough to knock the air right out of JJ’s lungs.
Your smile lit up your pretty face as you told your good friend JJ all about the guy you were going on a date with tonight. The handsome stranger had been charming, and you had to admit you were a bit smitten. Not many guys have had the courage to walk up to you to ask you out.
JJ could tell you were excited, but a burning jealousy seeped into his bones. He willed himself to keep his mouth shut, but JJ had never been the best at self-control.
“I don’t think you should go out with this guy,” he said.
You looked at him confused. “Why not?”
He sighed, already kicking himself for speaking up. “Y/N, you don’t know him. He could be a murderer. He could be an asshole just wanting to get laid.” He was prepared to go on, but you cut him off.
“JJ, I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.” You couldn’t read him. You were used to JJ being protective, but he was acting strange. You could tell something else was on his mind but you couldn’t even begin to guess what it was. He couldn’t even look at you.
You grabbed a hold of his hand so that he would look back at you, finding his bright blue eyes clouded in anger? Disappointment? “What is this about?”
“What about for me? Would you ditch this guy for me?” Oh god, he’s already said too much, but it’s too late now. His gaze was fixed on you as you furrowed your brows in confusion.
“I don’t understand...”
“What if I told you I was in love with you?” It felt like the whole world stopped as he waited for your reaction. “Would you ditch him then?”
You didn’t think you heard him right. Did he just say he’s in love with you!? No, you must have water in your ears or something.
The short silence from you was the only answer he needed. With a nod and a frown, he tore himself away from you. “Just forget it,” he grumbled, already marching away.
“JJ, wait!” you called after him. He was already running from the situation and you hardly even had two seconds to process it all. “JJ!”
He didn’t listen to you and continued fleeing as fast as possible, wondering what the hell he had done.
That brings us back to the present. JJ had finally made it to the Chateau. John B. had filled Pope, Kie, and Sarah in on the situation, making JJ’s ears and face burn in embarrassment. At the same time though, he didn’t care what any of them thought. He only cared about you.
What were you calling after him for? What would you have said if JJ hadn’t run away? Do you want him out of your life because he made things weird?? Are you about to fall madly in love with this stupid guy you’re going out with right now???
“JJ, it’s okay. Come sit down and chill,” Kie brought JJ out of his wild imagination for a brief moment. It felt as if his heart was still beating much faster than it should. He felt restless but also like there was nothing he could do to fix any of it.
He only sat down in the hammock because Kiara had dragged him there. JJ felt like he was in a daze, not really paying attention to the world outside of his mind. Pope had handed him a beer and JJ gulped half of it down without even thinking about it. Conversation started up around him but he didn’t hear anything... until someone said your name.
“Oh look, Y/N’s here,” John B. announced, shoving JJ’s shoulder. “And she looks pissed.” JJ whipped his head around quickly and sure enough, there you were, beautiful as always, but fuming and marching right toward him.
“What the fuck, JJ?!” you yelled, making it obvious that you were about to either chew him out or kick his ass.
“Good luck, bud,” John B. whispered to JJ, chuckling under his breath.
“Fuck you,” JJ replied as he watched everyone go inside, leaving him alone to face your wrath. He didn’t know what the fuck to do, how to fix the mistake he made, how to make things not weird between you guys, but holy shit, he didn’t expect that you’d be so angry.
It was like he was watching you in slow motion, feeling every one of your stomps on the ground as you approached him, eyes ablaze and lips pulled into a frown. “What was that back there?” you finally asked, now standing right in front of the boy who looked scared shitless.
“I-- I know, Y/N. I’m sorry! It was a mistake--” he tried to explain rather desperately, but you cut him off.
“You can’t just dump all of that on me and then run away!” JJ finally stood up from the hammock and now towered over you, reaching for your arms without even thinking about it, wanting to make you feel calm.
“I don’t know why I said any of that! It was an accident! I'm sorry, we can talk about this--” You interrupted him yet again, but this time by launching yourself forward and crashing your lips to his.
With hands cradling his jaw, you did your best to put all of your emotions into the kiss, the one kiss that could change everything. JJ was more than surprised, freezing as you pulled him in closer, but within two seconds had relaxed and gave in-- he'd be an idiot not to. His hands fell to your waist and pulled you flush against him as his lips finally matched your ferver.
You don’t even know why you got so angry. Perhaps it was because the man you had loved since forever had told you he shared the same feelings, but then left before you could make the same confession, freeing yourself from years of secrecy. You didn’t want to hide it anymore. You needed to be sure he felt the same, like he said he did.
It almost didn’t matter now, as you poured every bit of passion you had into someone you called your best friend. He smiled against your lips, bringing his hand to the back of your neck to deepen the mind-blowing kiss. His mind was in a daze as his senses became clouded by you. In this moment, he had no doubts of his feelings for you. He was undeniably in love with you and couldn’t do a single thing to change that.
You had allowed yourself to get lost in him, but in a split second you were pulling away, not able to pull too far with JJ’s arms wrapped around you. His eyes trapped you in his gaze as you both took a moment to catch your breaths. You didn’t want to come down from the high you were experiencing, but you had to ask...
“Did you mean it?”
His brows furrowed wondering what you meant before it clicked. “Every word,” he said, only confidence and honesty in his voice. After that kiss, he wasn’t scared anymore. In fact, he felt fucking fearless. “I didn’t know how to tell you before.”
“Well, I'm glad you did,” you replied with a smile, dragging your fingers through his locks of hair before kissing him once more. The sounds of loud cheering made you pull away much sooner than either of you would have liked.
The pogues were watching from the window, cheering and making dumb kissy faces at you guys. JJ promptly flipped them off while you laughed, then he turned so that he was shielding you from the prying eyes of your friends. He loved the sound of your joyous laugh accompanied by your radiant smile.
“Next time you just wanna kiss me, can you not come over looking like you wanna kill me?” he asked, and you laughed with heat flooding your face. “Very mixed signals. I was scared for my life!” he added with a chuckle.
“Oh, shut up. I had a right to be mad at you!”
“But not anymore, right?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows. You rolled your eyes and shook your head at him before throwing your arms around his neck and kissing him again. You could definitely get used to this.
“You’re an idiot,” you mumbled against his lips. “You’re lucky I love you too.” He grinned, feeling higher than the clouds now that you finally said the words he was dying to hear.
He picked you up and spun you before kissing you again. “The luckiest in the world.”
***
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castiowl · 4 years
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It's Not Traditional a lil dean/cas proposal ficlet
Dean’s not sure how he always gets saddled with popcorn duty, although he’ll be the first to admit this time he’s not too bothered by it. Sam had picked out Four Weddings and a Funeral for movie night and the aforementioned funeral is about to happen and Dean would rather not weep like a baby in front of Sam, Eileen, and Cas when Matthew recites that Auden poem.
As the popcorn bag spins in the microwave, slowly inflating, Dean considers all that’s changed in the past few months. He wasn’t sure someone could survive changing as much as he has, but then again maybe he hadn’t changed so much as he has just accepted who he is. Someone who loves Cas, first of all. Best of all. Someone who loves men and has loved men for a very long time and that’s okay. Relatedly, someone who can now openly comment on Hugh Grant’s veritable attractiveness in front of his brother, his friend, and his—what? What are they? Boyfriends? They’re not in high school, although the giddiness Dean still feels even months after the fact when Cas presses a hand to his lower back or steals a quick kiss from him at the breakfast table before shuffling off to make coffee, makes it feel a lot like obsessive, all-encompassing high school love. Dean is thrumming with it, a smile always moments away.
[Read on AO3]
Dean has also accepted that he is someone who can sit down with his brother, his friend, and his whatever and watch Four Weddings and a Funeral and only grouse about it being a chick flick for thirty seconds (he hasn’t completely tossed his reputation for hating girly shit in the trash; but he’ll never admit it’s because the girly shit makes him soft and he’s not sure his heart can take that right now) before accepting Sam’s declaration that ”it’s a classic” and absolutely required watching for Cas. Plus Eileen points out it’s one of the only movies with a deaf character whose entire plot isn’t centered around the fact that he’s deaf, even if he is a minor character.
The microwave beeps at him and he empties the contents into a bowl. As he nears the doorway to the movie and gaming den, he’s disappointed to note that Sam apparently paused the movie when Dean left. Great. He could feign a headache, he supposes, but then there is a delightful little thought that maybe Cas will take pity on his sorry, weeping self and let Dean spend the rest of the movie curled against him on the couch in his arms. They try to keep the PDA to a minimum with Sam around, but this is what he gets for bringing Four Weddings and a Funeral into the mix. He’s a sadist and he gets what he deserves.
Dean’s about to round the corner into the room when he hears his name and pauses. He hesitates because he likes to consider himself an adult who understands boundaries, but he’s also Dean Winchester and if Sam wants to talk shit about him behind his back, then Dean deserves to hear about it so he can retaliate accordingly. He’s thinking Miracle needs a bath and maybe Sam’s bedroom is the perfect place to let loose a 60-pound sopping wet dog to dry himself off on his bedsheets.
“I suppose I never considered it,” Cas is saying, his voice low but carrying in the quiet of the room. “There isn’t much that’s traditional about what we are.”
“Sure, yeah, true,” Sam replies. “But it’s not just about tradition, y’know. Anyway, I was just curious. You guys don’t have to do anything, obviously. But I just…” There’s a pause and Dean can almost perfectly conjure the image of Cas’s prying look in his mind, aimed right at Sam. “Dean’s a romantic,” Sam says finally.
Dean frowns at that, a protest rising in his throat before he can remind himself that given the last three months, he has absolutely no leg to stand on. He is a romantic. Gross.
“Well, I’m sure if Dean wanted to get married, he would tell me.”
The bowl of popcorn slips from Dean’s hands and lands with an impossibly loud clang on the floor. Married. The word has Dean completely flustered and he’s still reeling when Miracle comes trotting out of the room to investigate, spots the popcorn, and goes absolutely feral, licking up the popcorn like it’s his last meal on earth.
“Agh! Miracle! Stop it! Fuck,” Dean makes an aborted attempt to stop Miracle, but he looks like he’s discovered the holy grail, his tail wagging a mile a minute as he hoovers up the popcorn.
“Dean?”
Dean glances up from where he’s on his knees, holding an empty bowl as Miracle frantically cleans up the mess he made.
Married.
“Hey,” Dean says and his voice cracks like the fucking traitor it is. He clears his throat. “Sorry. I’ll have to make another bowl.”
“You were eavesdropping.”
It’s not a question. But Cas has this little quirk of a smile on his face that has Dean’s heart pounding in his ears.
Married.
“Uh, yeah, well. Heard my name and had to make sure Sammy wasn’t telling lies about me.”
Cas huffs a laugh and leans against the doorway. Dean’s still on the floor and he thinks about standing but he’s not entirely sure his legs would hold him up because—
MARRIED.
“Well, Dean, you tell me. Was Sam lying?”
“Lying?”
“Would you like to get married?”
Just like that. Dean will never admit to this, but privately he has thought about it. Big romantic gestures involving flowers and music, and quieter proposals whispered in the dark, in their bedroom, against the nape of Cas’s neck. Dean’s always been too scared, too unsure of Cas and his thoughts on the decidedly antiquated ritual of marriage. Cas saying no is basically the worst thing Dean can imagine, and he’s seen some shit in his time. Besides, it’s only been three months.
Cas’s eyebrow has risen in a silent question. Well?
“Jesus, Cas, you can’t just ask me that like…”
“No, of course not,” Cas agrees. “And you’re already on your knees. Ask me.”
“What?”
“Ask me,” he repeats and Dean can see the mirth in his eyes. The little shit loves seeing Dean squirm, but two can play at that game. Dean pulls one leg up so he’s down on one knee, the proper stance if he’s going to do this. Which, holy shit, he thinks he’s going to do this.
“Make an honest man outta me, Cas,” Dean says.
Cas rolls his eyes but he’s smiling. “Sam said you were a romantic.”
“What? That was romantic as hell.”
Cas reaches out a hand and Dean takes it. Cas pulls him to his feet. “You didn’t even tell me you loved me,” Cas points out.
Dean pulls himself into Cas’s space, their hands still clasped between them. “I also don’t have a ring,” Dean says.
“Well,” Cas says and his tongue darts out to wet his lips, Dean following the movement with great interest, “nothing we’ve done so far has been traditional. Perhaps we should keep it that way.”
Dean’s heart sinks. He should’ve figured as much. It’s not like they need something as basic as marriage to solidify what they have. It’s already perfect. Don’t fix what ain’t broke, right?
“But,” Cas continues thoughtfully, “I think I would like this to be our one exception.”
Dean swallows down the anxiety building behind his sternum. “Really?”
Cas smiles widely at that, his nose crinkling in that way that makes Dean understand why people swoon when they’re in love in old movies. Fuck, he really loves this guy.
“Marry me,” Cas says.
“Fuck yeah,” Dean replies and closes the distance between them with a fervent kiss. Cas inhales sharply and returns the kiss enthusiastically, although it’s clear they’re both fighting not to smile.
Someone clears their throat from the doorway.
Dean pulls back. He and Cas stare at one another and Dean sees reflected in Cas’s eyes what he’s feeling: pure, unadulterated, passionate love. And maybe a little lust, but it’s mostly love, Dean swears.
“If you guys are done being gross, we still have the movie to finish,” Sam says.
Dean finally looks over at his brother in the doorway who is trying his best to look peeved, but he can’t help smiling.
“Perhaps we can finish another time,” Cas says, turning to look at Sam. “My fiancé and I have some business to discuss regarding our upcoming nuptials.” He turns back to Dean and adds, “In our bedroom.”
Sam feigns gagging. “Spare me the details. Congrats or whatever. Now fuck off.”
“Gladly,” Dean replies and pulls Cas back down the hallway toward their bedroom. Dean has one thought before he lets his mind become saturated in all the simple, lurid thoughts that come with sex: Dean is going to marry the shit out of Cas.
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