#skiesofthesketchy

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[skiesofthesketchy]

Stood Up {3}

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Summary: JJ will do anything to make you trust him again. All of the feelings you've been burying deep down finally come to the surface.

Note: Hi guys!! WOW I still can't believe how much support this story has gotten... are y'all okay?? lol. Thank you for being so patient! I sincerely hope this next part lives up to your expectations. Please read the warnings before continuing, and pleaseeee let me know what you think :) love you

Word count: 7.7k

gif credit: @kies-carrera

Stood Up: {part 1} / {part 2}

warnings: language, mentions of sexual/physical abuse, panic attack, trauma, angst, 18+

***

Y/N’s POV

“Good morning, sweetie,” mom greeted as I entered the kitchen.

“Is it?” was my response as I peered over her shoulder into the fridge. Looks like we’ll need to do a grocery run soon. I’m craving orange juice but I guess I’ll just get some when I get to work.

“What?”

“Nothing. I’m heading out.” I zipped up my backpack as I checked the clock on the microwave, seeing it was almost 9:30.

“Are you going out with your friends today? JJ’s been sitting on the porch for twenty minutes now.”

I felt my heart sink in my chest and let out a long groan. “You’re kidding me.” Of course when I don’t want him to show up, he actually does. And look, he’s early.

“What’s wrong?” mom asked. “I didn’t expect that sort of response from you. Not when it comes to JJ, anyway.” My eyes widened as I whipped my head around to look at her. She had the smallest hint of a smirk on her face, but kept her gaze fixed on the scrambled eggs she was cooking for herself.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She laughed with a roll of her eyes. “Do you think I’m an idiot? You’ve had the biggest crush on JJ since what? Middle school? Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

“Mom!” I slapped my hand to my forehead, feeling my whole face heat up. I didn’t realize I was so damn transparent. “It’s not like that.”

“Y/N,” she gave me a pointed look. “I’m your mother. I know these things.” I groaned again, but not because I was embarrassed. Explaining everything that happened over the past week is not going to happen.

“Well, what can I say?” I sighed softly. “Things change.” I’m guessing my tone gave me away, and mom turned off the stove to stand in front of me, worry creasing into her skin.

“Y/N, what happened? Did you and JJ have a fight?”

I felt annoyed as her hands reached for my arms, trying to be comforting. “Mom...” I grumbled. I can’t take out my unstable emotions on her, though. Not like I did with the pogues yesterday. That was a whole disaster that I can’t seem to stop thinking about.

“You can tell me, sweetheart.” Looking into her eyes, I felt my resolve coming undone.

I slouched onto the stool by the kitchen counter. “JJ will never like me the way I want him to,” I looked down at my lap. “I haven’t been able to count on him in a long time, but I didn’t realize that until... recently,” I cleared my throat.

She came to sit on the stool next to me while I avoided her pitiful gaze. “I’m sorry you feel that way, hun. But even if you can’t see it, I know that boy cares for you.”

I shook my head. She’s basically telling me what Pope told me yesterday, just something to make me feel better, but it only does the opposite. “If he cared, he wouldn’t have stood me up,” I shrugged, defeated. It feels strange to talk about all of this. My thoughts are all over the place and I don’t know what to feel anymore. I miss him, but he hurt me. I can’t go back to forgiving him after what happened to me.

“He stood you up?” I nodded. “Well, did he apologize?”

I finally glanced back at her to find her waiting for my response. “Well, yes. But an apology isn’t enough this time,” I concluded, being careful to avoid telling her any of the gruesome details.

She stood and kissed me on the forehead before returning to the stove. “Well, he’s here now. That’s gotta count for something.” Ah yes, how could I forget? The idiot is standing outside waiting for me even though I didn’t want him here. I peered at the clock again, reading it was 9:35 and I was going to be late for work.

“Maybe,” I responded with a sigh. “Gotta go. Bye, mom.”

“Love you. Have a good day.” She came to hug me as I approached the front door. “And do yourself a favor. Give JJ a chance to redeem himself. I don’t like seeing you unhappy like this.”

I forced a small smile onto my face. “Okay, maybe I will.” If only she knew just how unhappy I really am.

With that, I stepped out onto the porch and spotted JJ sitting on the steps. He immediately turned to look at me, a sleepy grin on his face as he jumped up.

“G’mornin, sunshine,” he greeted.

“Hi JJ,” I said flatly, but he didn’t seem to mind as he happily handed me a brown paper bag. I peered into it skeptically, finding an egg and sausage sandwich, and I scoffed. “You realize I work at a café, right? You didn’t have to buy me breakfast.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he brushed off, “but I wanted to,” he shrugged, trying to be charming with that beautiful smile of his and a wink.

“Well you shouldn’t have.” I couldn’t help being bitchy towards him. Every nice thing he’s trying to do just feels like he’s trying to slap a bandaid on a bullet wound.

I started walking away but he threw his arm across my shoulders and matched my pace. “I also know you have a tendency to skip breakfast, which isn’t good for you.” I rolled my eyes and shrugged his arm off of me.

“Oh, and you just happen to know what’s good for me?” I paused to laugh. “Like you actually care.”

“Come on, Y/N,” he sighed, “you know I care.”

I rolled my eyes again, shaking my head. I did not wanna do this with him right now. “Don’t give me that bullshit, okay?” I sped up my pace, hoping I could magically leave him behind, but JJ Maybank is persistent.

He grabbed me by the arm and turned me to face him, stopping my strides. “It’s not bullshit!” he raised his voice. “I’m trying to make amends here!”

“Well you can stop trying,” I glared at him. “I’m done.”

He let out a short laugh, eyes narrowing as he looked at me, and I could tell my words had hurt him. “You’re done, huh? Well I’m not.” I just stared at him, his face set in determination. “Now, I told you I was going to walk you to work, and that’s what I’m gonna do. We better get going before you’re late.”

Not having the energy to argue with him, I clenched my jaw and started walking again, JJ annoyingly in tow. “Eat your breakfast,” he ordered.

Twenty minutes later, we had finally arrived at my job. After I angrily ate my sandwich, JJ didn’t try talking to me again, which I was grateful for. I can’t talk to him without getting pissed off, and I’m glad he’s taking the hint. I just wish he would leave me alone.

I tried to walk inside without saying a word, but JJ didn’t let that happen. “What time should I pick you up?” he asked with his grip on my wrist.

“You’re not picking me up,” I grumbled. Here we fucking go again.

“What time?” he asked again, not so nicely.

“Get lost.” I ripped my arm away from him and went inside, being greeted by the smell of coffee and pastries. But of course, JJ followed me inside, his arm slinging around my shoulders again.

I was about to yell at him, but my boss came into view behind the counter. “Good morning, Y/N,” he grinned. I swallowed my anger and shot him a small smile.

“Hey man,” JJ spoke up. “What time does my girl’s shift end?” I became rigid at the words, “my girl.”

My boss shot me a look before smiling at JJ. “I’ll have her out of here by three for ya,” he chuckled. I scoffed at both men. I guess Jim can’t see how annoyed I am, or maybe he doesn’t care.

“Looks like I’ll see you at three then,” JJ smiled down at me.

“Fuck off,” I shoved him away, making my way into the back room. I could still hear JJ say, “Women, am I right?” and my boss laughed along with him. Getting rid of the blonde idiot was going to be harder than I thought, and I wanted to scream. Of course, there’s always the chance that he’ll get distracted by some instagram model and forget about me.

Only, he didn’t. He showed up right at 3:00, making small talk and joking around with my boss as I clocked out. And he showed up the next day, walking me to and from work. And then the next day. No matter how many times I told him not to show up, he did.

The only good news is that he hasn’t tried to ask me about what really happened that night. I could tell it was still eating away at him, but he was smart enough to not push his luck. The night Rafe attacked me was slowly becoming a distant memory as I tried to get on with my life, the bruises fading with it, slowly but surely. I was too emotionally exhausted to spend any effort thinking about it, I was becoming numb. But hey, it’s fine. I’m fine. I just want JJ to leave me the fuck alone.

***

I was tired from my shift today, dealing with a bunch of stuck-up customers that didn’t understand the concept of being nice to the people serving them. Seeing the messy mop of blonde hair enter the café only dampened my mood more.

“Hey Jim,” JJ greeted my boss, making me roll my eyes at the fact that they’re all buddy-buddy now. “There’s my girl,” JJ grinned at me.

“Stop fucking calling me that.”

As I clocked out on the computer, I heard my boss’ laugh from behind me. “You sure like to give your boyfriend a hard time.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I snapped. If he would’ve asked me that a week ago, I’d have been a blushing mess.

JJ was unphased by my sour mood, as he has been for the past few days. “She’s nothing I can’t handle,” he chuckled, opening the door for me to exit through.

“You kids have fun,” Jim called after us, and JJ gave him a wave goodbye.

“So how was your day?” JJ asked me, bumping his shoulder into me.

“I’m really not in the mood, JJ.”

“Not in the mood to what? Talk to me? Come on, Y/N. It can’t be this way forever!”

“What about this do you not understand?” I countered quickly. “You hurt me, and being all in my face isn’t going to fix anything!”

“I do understand that I hurt you. I’m just trying to be here for you!” I was doing my best not to look at him as I walked faster, but I could feel his anger radiating off of him. He has done a good job of keeping his anger in check lately, even when I yelled at him and pushed him away, but I guess he’s finally had enough.

“You don’t have to start caring about me now just because you feel guilty!”

“What are you talking about? I’ve always cared!” he yelled, catching the attention of others on the street as he followed close behind me.

I rolled my eyes with a huff. “Save it. We both know that’s not true.”

JJ growled, pulling his hair in frustration. “Ugh. Why are you pushing me away!?”

“God, JJ. You know why!” I’m so damn tired of fighting, so damn frustrated that I could break down and cry.

“Okay, then why are you pushing the other pogues away too!? This isn’t like you! Why haven’t you told us what happened??” A pang of guilt hit me. I miss the other pogues so much and I know they are worried about me, but I can’t bring myself to face them again.

I tried to ignore him, clenching my jaw and turning a corner, but he grabbed me and made me face him. God, even though I’m filled with rage, part of me still feels something for the stupid boy that broke my heart, and looking at his pretty face painted in red, eyebrows furrowed, it all was becoming too much.

“What the fuck happened?” He asked again, tone hard.

“It doesn’t matter, JJ.”

“Don’t lie to me. It obviously matters! You’ve been acting so different and you won’t let anyone help you!” I still wanted to run away from this argument but JJ wasn’t going to let that happen, his hold firm on my arms and his gaze unrelenting.

“Oh, I’m different now?” I laughed sardonically, raising my voice. “Well I’m sorry that I’m not hopelessly in love with you anymore! Letting you walk all over me and brushing off every shitty thing you’ve ever done because of my stupid feelings for you! You’re right, my bad,” I glared at him, shoving him harshly in the chest to escape his grasp.

I walked away, leaving him behind me, probably processing what the hell I just said. Jesus fuck, I just told him that I was in love with him. Oh my god.

I felt tears pricking my eyes but I forced them away as JJ called out after me, running to catch up with me again. “Y/N...” he stopped, eyes just fluttering over my face, mouth agape. He didn’t know what to say. Fuck, I didn’t either. Why did I say that to him?

“Forget it, okay? Like I said, none of it matters.”

“Y/N, wait,” he said softly. I could tell he was still trying to sort through his thoughts. I bit my lip trying to push the embarrassment away. It shouldn’t matter because I know JJ will never feel the same about me. It shouldn’t matter because he hurt me and I can’t forgive him for that. But shit, I was still nervous about what he might say. “Can we talk about this?” he asked.

I shook my head sadly, trying my best to hold my ground even though I was crumbling on the inside. “No. I told you JJ, I’m done.”

With that, I turned away and started heading towards home. JJ didn’t come after me this time.

*** 

I made it the rest of the way home, but in a daze with my eyes glued to the dirt under my worn-out converse. I couldn’t figure out what I was feeling, only that my whole body felt heavy and a sickness swelled in my chest. I hadn’t even noticed I was walking up my driveway until I heard my name being called, my gaze shooting up to find Pope waving at me.

“Pope,” I sighed with a grin, walking straight into his chest while his arms wrapped around me. “What are you doing here?”

“I missed you. Duh,” he replied as he followed me up the porch steps to my front door.

“I’m happy to see you,” I shot him another small smile. It was true. I need some sort of distraction from my disaster of a life.

I unlocked the door and led Pope inside to the kitchen where I set my bag down and took off my sweatshirt. It’s fucking hot. Though I’ve been taking good care to cover the fading bruises with makeup, I keep wearing sweatshirts because, well, I don’t want anyone looking at me, looking at my body. I don’t want attention from anyone, and the extra layers of clothing feel like protection.

“How have you been?” he asked cautiously, voice so gentle as if he was afraid to scare me off.

I forced a grin onto my face as I sat down at the table. “Just peachy.” I turned my attention to chipping away at my nail polish, mostly to busy myself so that I don’t get pulled into the tornado of emotions threatening to come to the surface. I can’t stop thinking about JJ.

Pope came and sat across from me, and I tried not to notice the worried look he had on his face. “No offence, but you don’t look so peachy.” I met his gaze, finding only warmth and sincerity in his eyes. Without warning, I felt my eyes become teary and my throat become tight.

Pope reached for my hand to comfort me, and I let out a shaky breath. “Uhm. JJ and I had a fight.” I looked down in embarrassment. “And I, um, I accidentally told him that I loved him,” I spoke quietly, feeling the defeat weigh on me. “Well, used to anyway.” Who am I kidding? I still do.

Pope’s grip tightened on my hand as I felt my tears fall down my cheeks. I stood up abruptly, pissed at myself that I was falling apart now after I’ve been doing so good at holding myself together. I quickly wiped my face of the embarrassing tears. “Nevermind. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” Pope said quickly, standing to pull my hands away from my face. He pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around me. “Your feelings are valid, Y/N. It’s okay to cry.”

As if I was waiting for his permission, my tears went from a trickle to a downpour, and I pressed my face further into his shoulder as I cried. I hadn’t cried in days, and now I can’t seem to stop myself, my sobs becoming louder. Pope cradled my head, petting me soothingly as we swayed in the middle of my kitchen. “It’s okay, Y/N. Let it out,” he whispered.

He held me for a long while as I felt all of my emotions unravel. He held me until my cries became hiccups and gasps for air as I finally calmed down. “I don’t even know what to feel,” I eventually choked out.

Pope stayed quiet for a moment, and everything felt more calm, my tears finally coming to a stop. “What did JJ say?” he asked softly, “after you told him.”

I let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes. “Nothing,” I felt a broken laugh escape me. “I don’t blame him.” It was silent again, and I felt my own words sink in. How could I possibly blame JJ for all that’s happened? He wasn’t there for me, and that broke my damn heart. But it’s not his fault I’m all fucked up. It’s Rafe’s.

“I don’t blame him,” I repeated. “He wasn’t the one who put his hands on me.” Pope pulled away slightly to look down at my face, sadness pulling down his features.

“I think you should tell that to JJ. I understand why you’re pushing him away, and I know he still hurt you, but he’s beating himself up about it pretty bad.” I felt my frown deepen, my chest become heavier. “He’s not sleeping, hardly eating. He doesn’t hang out with us anymore either. He hides away in his room most of the day unless he’s coming to see you. Hell, maybe he deserves it, but all I know is I hate seeing my friends like this. I wish I could help make everything okay.”

“Me too, Pope,” I said, finally pulling away and swiping my hands over my face again. Everything he said about JJ seemed to bring a new pain into the mix. I had wanted him to feel bad about hurting me, but this isn’t right. This sucks. “Am I a bad person for making him feel guilty?”

“Of course you’re not a bad person. You’re just hurting,” Pope was quick to comfort me. He paused briefly before quietly saying, “Maybe I would understand better if I knew what happened.” I shook my head quickly, but he continued. “Who hurt you, Y/N? What did they do to you?”

“Pope,” I sighed, stepping farther away. “I don’t want anyone to know. I’m not ready to talk about it.” He peered back into my eyes, and I hoped he would accept my answer and leave it at that. I could tell he wanted to push, but thankfully, he didn’t.

“It’s okay,” he sighed, pulling me into a hug once again. “When you’re ready.” I nodded solemnly, but I knew deep down that I would never be ready.

“Everyone misses you,” he tried to put on a smile. “I know you have the next few days off of work, so you should come hang out with us. We could go surfing, fishing, anything you want.”

I smiled back at him softly. “Maybe.” I was so grateful for Pope. I felt a bit lighter after crying into him for a while, but I don’t know if I’m ready to see all my friends again even though I miss them. “I think I’m gonna go to bed early. I’m exhausted,” I laughed weakly.

“Of course. Get some rest,” Pope smiled. He bid me goodnight with one last hug before he left me alone in my thoughts. I really am exhausted. Putting up a tough front takes up more energy than I anticipated, but not as much as dealing with all my undealt-with emotions.

I don’t know what the fuck to do about JJ, but I decided that I should tell him what happened to me is not his fault. That burden isn’t his to carry, and it was unfair of me to push that onto him.

I still can’t believe I confessed my feelings to him. Me: a stupid idiot. But what I said was true, I’m done being in love with someone who will never love me back. It’s not like our friendship will ever be the same anyway. Nothing about my life will be the same ever again.

And now I’m trapped in a depressing inner-monologue. God, what is my life? I wish I could go back in time and stop that horrible night from ever happening. But I can’t.

I hesitantly lifted my hand to my face, feeling the puffy skin of my black eye that’s probably visible now that my tears had ruined my makeup. My hands fell to my neck where the disgusting hickeys used to be, where Rafe’s hands had held me down and choked me. Then I lifted my shirt, seeing the dark marks of where he kicked me still prominent on my ribs. “It will be okay,” I spoke aloud to myself. “I will heal.” But I had to choke back another sob as I realized that even when the bruises are long gone, the marks nobody can see will still be there.

*** 

JJ’s POV

By the time I finally reached the chateau, nothing in my mind was any clearer. I didn’t know what to feel. Y/N loved me? How does that make any fucking sense?

I stayed in the yard, pacing around in the grass as I ran my hands through my hair so many times I wouldn’t be surprised if I was balding by the end of the night. I didn’t go inside because all I really wanted to do was throw shit around and break something. Everything is all fucked up and it still feels like my fault.

But I needed help. I needed some damn clarity before my own thoughts ripped me to shreds. I marched up the steps to the house, hoping someone was there to help me figure out what the fuck is going on.

“JJ?” Kie piped up from the couch when I entered. John B. was sitting next to her, both of them seemingly just on their phones. “Everything okay?”

“No,” I answered. “Nothing is fucking okay. I don’t know what the fuck to do.” They both threw their phones to the side, giving me their full attention, concern crossing their faces.

“What’s up, man?” JB asked. “Did something happen with Y/N?”

I pressed my lips into a firm line, trying to figure out how to even articulate everything that’s running through my head. “I don’t even know what happened. One minute, we’re yelling at each other, and the next she’s telling me that she loved me!” I blurted out, raising my voice unintentionally. “How does that make any sense?” I asked, but cringed at the desperation in my tone.

“Oh come on, JJ. You’re not surprised, are you?” Kie asked with a lift of her eyebrow. I glanced at John B. and he didn’t seem all that surprised either. What the fuck?

“Wait, you guys knew?” I stepped back, even more confused than I was before I stepped inside the house.

“Of course we knew,” JB spoke up. “It’s pretty obvious.”

“How is any of this obvious!?” I felt my anger rising, but couldn’t place why I was so angry in the first place.

“Well you never gave her the time of day. Of course you were always oblivious to her googly eyes,” Kie scoffed. “Everyone else could see it plain as day.”

I turned away, both hands pulling at my hair harshly. None of this is helping. If anything, it’s making everything worse.

“JJ, what’s wrong?” Kie spoke up again, but wasn’t exactly going for the comforting friend role. “Is it really so bad that she loves you?”

“How could you say I never gave her the time of day?” I turned back to her, eyes blazing. “Of course I did!”

“Bullshit,” she scoffed. “How many times did you bail on her before she finally called you out on it? How many times did you bring girls over without even giving Y/N a sideways glance? If you had, you would’ve noticed how much you were hurting her!”

“Shut up!” I cut her off. I know that the pogues are mad at me for what happened to Y/N, but I didn’t expect Kiara to start attacking me. “I don’t believe you.”

“It’s true, man,” John B. spoke up. “Didn’t you ever notice how she was always the first to support you? Take your side even when you knew you had done something stupid? The first person to comfort you after something bad had happened?”

“Stop!” I yelled. This was all becoming too much. “Y/N is not an idiot! She’s one of the smartest people I know, and she’d be the dumbest person alive to love someone like me.” I paused, breathing heavy. “There’s no way she could ever love me.”

John B. shook his head at me. “It doesn’t matter what you believe. She told you upfront, didn’t she? No matter how much you think you don’t deserve it, she loves you dude.”

And just like that, the air was knocked out of my lungs, much like when Y/N had spoken the words herself.

I guess I’m so angry because deep down, I knew I didn’t treat her the way she deserved. I could have been so much better to her. She has always been such a great friend to all of us, and I didn’t realize that her feelings ran any deeper than that. And now I feel like shit, even more so than I have been feeling this whole week.

In my mind, Y/N was always too innocent, too pure, too sweet for this world. Way too good to be anywhere near the likes of me. She was a perfect addition to the group when she started hanging out with us years ago, but she wasn’t supposed to fall in love with me!

I felt sick, but wanted to punch something at the same time. I had been hurting her this whole time. I’ve hurt her more than I could’ve even imagined.

My mind was still a sea of confusion as I plopped down on one of the couches. JB and Kie looked at me with worried faces. “Well,” I sighed, putting on a more controlled front to hide my wild emotions, “she doesn’t love me anymore.”

Kiara’s features softened. I felt my heart beating slowly in my chest, the sound becoming louder in my ears, and I wondered if my friends could hear. She doesn’t love me anymore. Why does that cut me so deep? She shouldn’t have loved me in the first place.

“JJ, are you alright?” Kie asked. I just stared at her blankly, suddenly fighting off the urge to cry.

We were interrupted by Pope’s arrival, oblivious to what was going on before he got here. “Guys, I just got back from seeing Y/N.” He immediately had everyone’s attention as he sat down next to me.

“How is she?” John B. asked, hopeful. His optimism was quickly shot down with a sad shake of Pope’s head, then Pope shot his gaze to me. We shared the same look of sadness and worry. Even though I’m all fucked up in the head right now, Y/N is all that matters.

“She still won't tell me what’s wrong. What happened...” he paused, looking down at his hands clasped together. “I don’t know if she ever will, to be honest.”

“I can’t for the life of me figure out what could be so bad that she wouldn’t want to tell us,” Kie said sorrowfully. The others nodded in agreement. I looked to Pope, hoping he had more insight. At this point, it feels like nothing I do will ever fix this, will ever make her want to talk to me again. It seems Pope is the one Y/N trusts the most, and that hurts more than I thought it would.

Silence engulfed the room as we all thought about what to do about our precious Y/N. “Guys. What the fuck do I do?” I asked aloud, my voice breaking. “I don’t know how to fix any of this.”

I feel utterly destroyed. This is all my fault, and I would do anything to make it right. I just want to see Y/N happy again, back to her normal, beautiful self.

I miss her coming into the Chateau, greeting us all with a bright smile as she told us she missed us, even when we had seen her the night before. I miss her pretty dresses and the homemade jewelry she always wore, colorful bracelets and rings adorning her hands. I miss the sound of her loud and adorable laugh whenever I was acting like a drunken fool. Who knows if I’d ever hear that laugh again.

Pope gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze. “Just show her that you’re there for her. I think that’s the best thing any of us can do right now.”

“She doesn’t want me around, Pope. She hates me,” I huffed, defeated.

“No she doesn’t,” he said firmly. “She just doesn’t know how to talk to you yet.” He turned to the rest of the group. “Trust me guys. Whatever it is that messed her up, I think it’s bad.”

He turned back to me, and I nodded, feeling more determined than ever to help my girl. Whether she loves me or not, I’m going to fight until she’s okay. I know as well as anyone that isolation is the worst way to deal with your problems. She needs her friends. She needs me.

I left the chateau feeling just a bit lighter on my feet, just a tad more optimistic than I was this morning. She loved me. I still don’t know why the fuck she did, but now I’m gonna do everything I can to get that love back. Whatever it takes. And when I do, I’m going to deserve it this time.

*** 

As I walked up her front porch steps, I couldn’t hide my smile even though I was nervous. I had the perfect evening planned. I had run to my cousin’s house to snag his DVD of Kill Bill, Y/N’s favorite movie... the movie I was supposed to go see with her. I had gone to the store and bought an entire bag’s worth of her favorite junk food, too. If this doesn’t get her to hate me even just a little bit less, I don’t know what will.

I waited anxiously after knocking on the door, but there was no answer. I knocked again as I peered at the empty driveway, noticing Y/N’s mom was probably still at work. When there was still no answer, I picked up the spare key that I knew was kept under the mat and let myself in.

“Y/N?” I called out, but the house seemed empty. “I know you probably don’t want to see me, but I brought presents!” I continued, putting the stuff I brought on the kitchen counter. “I promise you’ll like them!” I called out louder, but was only met with silence.

I bounded up the stairs, going to look for her in her bedroom. She could be asleep I guess, as it’s already 10pm. “Y/N?” I tried again. No reply, but I heard noises coming from the bathroom. I pressed my ear against the door and heard the shower on, but the water pressure did little to hide the crying that echoed from the room.

I banged my fist on the door. “Y/N? Everything okay?” Idiot. Of course things aren’t okay. She’s crying in the shower. I knocked again. “Y/N, please come out and we can talk about this.” Again, no reply, and it seemed like her sobs were getting louder.

I tried the door and it was unlocked, so I stepped inside, a heavy cloud of steam escaping the room. “Y/N?” I couldn’t see her behind the shower curtain, but she still didn’t answer. I heard her cries, but they were broken up by loud, strangled gasps, and I felt fear flash through my veins.

I didn’t think twice before sweeping the shower curtain to the side, and my heart sank as I found my theory to be correct. She was curled up on the floor, knees pulled to her chest with eyes squeezed shut, her chest heaving up and down rapidly. She was having a panic attack.

I myself began to panic. “Y/N!” I quickly reached to turn the water off and crouched down next to the tub, but she didn’t open her eyes or respond. It seemed like she didn’t even realize I was in the room with her or that the shower had turned off.

“Baby. Please try to listen to me,” I pleaded, only she continued to gasp for air, trapped in her own little nightmare. I got into the tub and sat down in front of her, placing my hands on her knees gently so that I wouldn’t scare her. Her eyes finally snapped open and panic was raging behind the tears. “It’s just me, Y/N, it’s okay.”

She shook her head, her gasps becoming quicker. I had only dealt with a panic attack once before, but I knew I just needed to calm her down so that she could breathe properly. I put my hands on her cheeks and hers reached up to grab my wrists. “Look at me. Listen to my voice.”

Her glassy eyes locked on mine, and I knew I had her attention. “We’re gonna take deep breaths together, okay? Nod if you understand me.” She was still in full panic mode, but her head nodded slightly. “Okay, I’m gonna count to ten. Try to count with me.” I took one of her hands and placed it on my chest, the other still on her tear-stained cheek. “One... Two...”

Her breathing was still uneven, but by the time I got to ten, her breaths were less shallow and it seemed she was calming down. I continued to count, making sure my breathing was deep and slow so that she could match it. Her hand gripped my shirt as she squeezed her eyes shut again, breathing becoming much more normal by the time I got to twenty. I felt myself sigh in relief as she came down from her panic attack, but my mind still raced with wild thoughts as to what could have happened.

“Y/N?” I urged her to open her eyes and look at me, my hand resting on the side of her neck.

Her eyes opened and welled up with even more tears, her bottom lip trembling. “Oh JJ,” she whispered. Her body came forward and crashed into my lap, and I wrapped my arms around her without hesitation. She cried into my shoulder, and my heart broke for her.

“You’re safe now, baby,” I whispered. “It’s okay.” I didn’t know how to console her, but I would try anything. I held her head to my chest and smoothed down her wet hair as she wept. She pressed into me like I was her lifeline, and I wrapped my arms tighter around her, showing her that I was here for her. The fact that she was naked wasn’t even something that crossed my mind.

After minutes of her crying, she finally pulled back with a sniffle and looked up at me. Peering down at her, it was like my heart shattered all over again. Whatever she went through, she didn’t deserve it. She’s the kindest person I have ever met, and loves the people she’s close to fiercely and more than she even loves herself. She’s innocent, and doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. She was my little ray of sunshine. She didn’t deserve these tears or the marks that still tainted her skin.

I gently removed her from my lap and stood up to retrieve the towel hanging on the wall. I grabbed her hand to help her up and averted my gaze while she wrapped the towel around herself. She sniffled to keep the tears at bay, but they still fell in steady streams down her cheeks. Once the towel was securely fastened at her chest, she threw her body into mine again.

I caught her in my arms and slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor and she was between my legs. “J, it was horrible,” she choked out into my chest.

“Please tell me what happened,” I whispered, lips against her forehead. I didn’t want to push her away again, but I needed to know. God, I needed to fucking know. The scene I just walked in on indicated that it’s even worse than I had let myself believe. I finally swallowed the lump in my throat that had surfaced when I entered the bathroom and found Y/N curled up and having a panic attack.

“It--” she started. “I was waiting outside the movie theater for you... but I started walking home when I realized you wouldn’t show.” My heart clenched, seeing once again how much I’ve hurt her. Every word she spoke seemed agonizing, but I waited patiently. “Then-- then Rafe approached me.”

A chill ran up my spine when she spoke his name.

Rafe.

Fucking Rafe did this to her.

“He-- I tried to walk away, but he pinned me against the wall and kissed me. I-- I tried to fight back but he was too strong, J.” The end of her sentence broke as she sobbed into my chest again. I rubbed my hand comfortingly up her back, but I was internally fuming.

I didn’t expect her to continue, but she did. “He wouldn’t stop touching me. When I fought back, he hit me. I was on the ground and he choked me, and I thought-- I thought...” another broken cry fell from her lips. “I thought he was going to rape me. I thought I was going to die,” she said finally, until letting her cries fully take over.

I held her close as her whole body shook, and I felt my own tears trail down my face. I almost couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Rafe had violated and hurt my sweet Y/N. No wonder she had a panic attack, she’s traumatized. Nobody should ever have to live with this, especially her.

I did my best to keep my own emotions from pouring out of me as she sobbed. I pressed my lips to the crown of her head, and she looked up at me, salty droplets hanging on her eyelashes. I could tell she didn’t have the energy to speak, but she wrapped her arms around me tighter, showing me she was glad I was here. I held her tear-stained cheek as I softly kissed the corner of her bruised eye, still there without the cover of makeup. “I’m so sorry, Y/N,” I whispered.

She closed her eyes with a deep sigh and placed her hand on my neck. I hadn’t realized before that she had bruises on her wrist too. I removed her hand gently and covered the fading marks in soft kisses. “You don’t deserve this,” I mumbled against her skin.

She smiled sadly at me, but the small curve of her lips disappeared in an instant. “Thank you for being here, JJ. I-- I don’t know what to do.” More tears fell silently from her eyes, but I brushed them away with the pad of my thumb. Her hand held mine against her cheek.

“It’s okay now,” I said, even though I knew nothing was okay. She wouldn’t be okay for a long time. “We’ll figure this out together.”

Another broken smile reached her lips before she slowly moved forward and pressed them to mine. I wasn’t expecting it, but I kissed her back, my hands gently holding her jaw. The kiss was deep and warm, but short, and she pulled away after a few seconds.

She sat up and rubbed her hands over her face with a sniffle, wiping away the tears. Despite the heavy sadness in my chest, I was happy that she had finally stopped crying. “Let’s get you ready for bed.”

I waited in the bathroom while she went to her bedroom to put clothes on. I sat on her bed while she got under the covers, and I could see the exhaustion on her face, pulling her into sleep. I turned the light off before leaning over her and pressing another kiss to her forehead. She grabbed my hand. “J,” she said softly. “Will you stay?”

“Of course.” I removed my shoes and crawled into bed with her. She shifted so that her head was on my chest while I wrapped my arm under her. Her arm fell over my waist, and our legs tangled together as she melted into me.

“This is my fault,” I mumbled, feeling my eyes pool with tears. “He never would’ve put his fucking hands on you if I had--”

“JJ, no,” she shushed me.

“But I should’ve--” I gasped. My emotions were suddenly getting the best of me. Now I understand why she could never forgive me.

“No,” she said firmly, placing her hand on my jaw, thumb brushing my lip. “I should never have blamed you in the first place. This is not your fault. It’s Rafe’s.” She held my gaze intensely, and I felt myself breaking at the seams.

“Did you hear me, JJ? It’s not your fault.” All I could do was pull her closer as a cry escaped my throat. I didn’t know how much I needed to hear those words. Everything is still all fucked up, but to know Y/N doesn’t blame me is like seeing the sun after weeks of darkness. The guilt had been eating me alive.

Even if she doesn’t blame me, it doesn’t change what happened. And yet, it felt like she was comforting me now as she nuzzled her face into my neck, her hand rubbing soothing circles on my ribcage until my cries had ceased. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

“You don’t have to be sorry about anything.”

“I was wrong to blame you. I just... I obviously don’t know how to handle this. I wanted you to hurt the way I was hurting,” she sighed, and I felt her wet tears on my neck. “That was shitty of me.”

“Hey,” I pulled away so that I could look at her and grabbed her chin. “I deserved it. I know I haven’t been there for you in the past, and that’s on me.” I couldn’t tell you what it was, but there was something about the way she looked right now. Maybe it was how she was still so beautiful even after crying all night, everything she’s been through seeping into her skin. Maybe it was how she carried the weight of the world, much too heavy for her to handle on her own. Maybe it was because after everything, she was still the sweet and kind girl I knew, giving her love out freely to those she loved most, even when they didn’t deserve it.

“But I swear things will be different now. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

She nodded, showing me that she believed me this time. “Thank you, J.”

Without much thought, I pulled her towards me and kissed her. She sighed against my lips, and I felt her body relax on top of mine. I hadn't ever shared a kiss like this with someone before. Emotional, soft, slow. My tormenting thoughts seemed to silence as she gently placed her hand on my jaw. If only I could take away all of her pain with a simple kiss.

She pulled away, eyes locking on mine with a small smile. She kissed me briefly once more before returning her head to the crook of my neck. I rubbed her back until I heard her breathing become slow and steady, drifting off to sleep.

I peered down at her softened features, and she finally looked at peace. I knew better, though. She was broken, and I didn’t know how to fix her. The gentle girl in my arms had been through too much. The horrible ache in my chest was nothing compared to what she felt.

As I listened to the soft snores escaping past her lips, only one thought echoed through my mind.

I’m going to fucking kill Rafe Cameron.

***

Masterlist

Add yourself to my taglist!!!

***

all works:@watermelonlover-123 @obxhoeee @anonymousbbbb @niya-savage @voguesir @itsmrsfuentes @caseyabel28 @rafej-cambanks @karleeluvsyou-blog @misssociopath @iamasimpfortheweasleys @justme1723-blog @beautifultragedy1313 @kyleed24 @misssociopath @yanelly1020 @heartbeats-wildly @luvmybbies @siriusstwelveyears @thegirlswhocriedlupin @wxn-drlst

all obx: @brithedemonspawn @no-pogue-on-pogue-macking @camiyeager @diormaybank @mariellajh @theresonly-butterflies @illbesafeforyou@omgseeme @niamhobrien99 @sarcasticsagittarius26 @joshy-obx@prejudic3 @catonthesideoftheroad @lovelogan @stefmenk @mattelblake@falling-perfectly @justanotherbooklover @thisismynerdyself@shreckluver7 @little-miss-rebel3 @sunflowerbabe81@hemmingsness @lannxyz @jazbarnes05 @outerbnx-stiles@pink-meringues @dontjinx-it @queenofthepouges @jazweasley@tovvaa @phantompogues @perfectlywrongformende3s @brown-eyedshell @perkeusjackson @dazzlingnights @jenjie@5sosbands @justcallmemia-blog @cjoseyjean @brithedemonspawn @honestly-i-just-wanna-take-a-nap @princess-east@babydriving @dancingintheredroom @kitty084 @kickintheballsfantastic @ingoingtohellsofuckit@allaloneisokay-blog @king-ronnoc @iamninaannaisreading @sophieryan29 @sanktogrief @royalrhapsody @tpwksunflower@aavril! @amourtentiaa @p-prettybitch @beautifultragedy1313 @personalandshit @lillymitl @cherrymedicine13 @brightshiningstars@nataliestyles @im-just-here-toread @princessnnylzays@rejectedfan @jazweasley

[theinternetisfulloftrash]

Hey! Just wanted to say I AM IN LOVE WITH YOUR DYLAN FIC !!!! I just binged the whole thing and it’s so good. Oh my god. Why is this the sweetest thing I’ve ever read !?? I hope you continue it, I will be watching for updates!

Seriously amazing job 💜 now I’m all mushy gushy in love with Dylan again

I'm gonna CRY!

Thank you so much! Like...so, so much! It's awesome to hear that you like the story. "The sweetest thing you've ever read..." I can't even deal with that. I'm glad to have made you feel all mushy again. Dylan is totally worth being mushy gushy over. Look at me!? I'm a puddle of disgusting mushy gushy mess.

Know that you can SAFELY look forward to future updates! I have never left a serial fic uncompleted :)

Sending you so much love. Honestly. Comments like this literally make my day!

- Trashy

@skiesofthesketchy is referring to: "Far Away From L.A."

[pogueszn]

So like jj. What do you think he’d be like with his gf in public? Like holding her hand all the time or putting his arm around her waist as they walk around? I can see him coming up to you at a party or whatever and throwing his arm over your shoulders and bringing you in for a quick kiss to your temple, listening in on whatever convo you were in. He doesn’t even feel the need to be apart of it, just wanted to be by your for a min 😋

bro yes 🥺🥺

idk why but i can definitely see jj just coming up behind you and giving you a hug while you’re talking to someone else like half the time jj won’t even be listening he’ll just end up playing with your fingers and kissing your shoulder 😫

and while i don’t feel like jj is the type to have his tongue down your throat all the time but he’s definitely not afraid to have an arm around you in some sort while out in public. like i’ve said a thousand times this kid is your backpack he loves being close to you

[x-lulu]

🦋 could i possibly get a moodboard based off the vibes you get from me? haha im curious. also i just like pretty things so you could honestly do whatever you want :) - @skiesofthesketchy

hope you like it hun!! 💗

[makebank]

Omg hi HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 💕 hope today was wonderful 🥰

WOWO THANK YOU 🥺 it was good hope yours was too

[brycedefender]

Hi! I spend way too much time reading fics on here so I decided to put together a little fic list🤍 Just wanted to say thank you to all the amazing fic writers we have in the fandom🤍

One Shots:

Sunburnt by @twinklelilstarkey

Jealous by @rafescoke

Garden Furniture by @rafecameron

If I Say It’s A Cliche by @maybankiara

Stay With Me by @heybarzy

Hot & Cold by @mildkleptomaniac

Ha Ha... Then What by @cobaincreates

Kiss You Better by @love-chx

Right Now by @maybanksslut

Love Clouded By Addiction by @planeswithpaperwings

Keep Your Friends Close And Make Out With Your Enemies by @fuckyeahmattytkachuk

Your Secret’s Safe With Me by @twinkleimagines

Series:

In My Business by @mrs-cameron

Guys My Age by @ruinouswrites

New Light by @outerbankies

Blueberry Pancakes by @butgilinsky

How To Be A Heartbreaker by @fuckyeahmattytkachuk & @rekrappeter

Red Wine Lips by @queenk00k

Lost Time by @moldisgoodforyou

In My Head by @starkey-babie

Father Figure by @pogueslandia

College Rafe by @sunnypogue

One Shots:

Drive Me Crazy by @taylathornton

Overboard by @tweedlydumbtweedlydoo

Midsummer Nightmare by @annab-nana

If You Don’t I Will by @loveylangdon

Just You by @bricksatanakinswindow

Romeo, Juliet, And Evites To Funerals by @baby-bearie

You Talk Too Much by @sunflowerbecca

Part Of Your World by @reawritesthings

My Left Hand’s Free by @mischiefmaybank

Drunken Thoughts by @w1segirl

Just A Little by @samwlscns

Lifeline by @obxsummer

Slow Dancing 1 & 2 by @peach-vuitton

Eyes Blue Like The Atlantic by @obx-snippets

Jealousy, Jealousy by @mayraki

Enough For You by @unsaidsunset

Jellyfish by @collecting-stories

Hospital Chairs And Crappy Vending Machines by @sunnymaybank

Early Morning & Late At Night by @bigdrewenergy

Series:

Stood Up by @skiesofthesketchy

Passion Lies In Screams Of Ecstasytic Dreams by @jjouterbanks

I Wanna Be Yours by @tobaccosunburstsky

Tokens by @s-brant

The Summer Playlist by @pogueszn

Costal Venture by @mentalpolaroids

Don’t Forget Where You Belong by @harrysbbby

The List @stardusttkachuk

The Romantic Tirades Of Indie Routledge by @cognacdelights

[thecamerons]

JJ Maybank fic recommendations

✰ two parts or series

All i want - @trulivin

Almost - @sourholland

Anything - @o-b-x ✰

Are you bored yet - @maysbanks

Ask her - @outerbankswriting

Bay day - @mydogisveryadorbs

Be like that - @love-chx

Bellyache - @pogueszn ✰

Body language - @skiesofthesketchy ✰

Clairvoyant - @pogueslandia

Clashing - @mildkleptomaniac

Collateral - @hellimagines ✰

Constant touches - @quiteaweirdworld

Costal venture - @mentalpolaroids ✰

Couch surfing - @flamminghotweedos

Crush culture - @moolovesyou

Details - @spider6oy ✰

Dirty little secret - @lunarliza ✰

Enough is enough - @obx-writings

Forgettable - @heywards

Friends to this - @mermaidssonshipss 

Hot tub - @sugarcoatedjj

I know you - @loove-persevering

I will leave - @ijustreallylovethem ✰

Jealousy, jealousy - @mayraki

J’taime - @reawritesthings

Knocked out - @sunflowerbecca

Lifeline - @obxsummer

Longing for you - @poguesrforlife

Lover - @goldengoddess

Love sick - @samwlscns

Midsummer - @possiamo-andare ✰

Movies and make outs - @bigdrewenergy

No i don’t - @heyhey-heyward ✰

Not good for you - @cinnamon-roll-seth ✰

Not so sneaky - @rudethstyles

Oblivious - @tcmhollnd

Passed around - @radiantroope

Phantom- @collecting-stories

Prove it - @novxturient

Rock the boat - @cognacdelights ✰

Rome, julie and evites to funerals - @baby-bearie

Secret & suds - @makebank

Soul deep - @kindapinkskies

Speechless- @theosbucky

Study sessions - @ptersparkers & @storiesbymads ✰

Sweet girl - @goldenroutledge

The art of being afraid - @starksweasley

The 4 times he didn’t hear you and the 1 time he did - @lifesabe-ch

[highformaybank]

REC LIST (5)

* = [series] -> = [ recommendations from other platforms]

• 𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐬* @mayraki

• 𝐁𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐋𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞 , 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐

• 𝐔𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝 , 𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐈𝐭

^@skiesofthesketchy

• 𝐎𝐜𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐀𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥* @thegreatestofheck

• 𝐕𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 @santaasi

• 𝐁𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐝 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 , 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐 @maybankiara

• 𝐈 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮’𝐬 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫’𝐬 @hailbales

• 𝐓𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐝 @angelofcigs

• 𝐈 𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐖𝐚𝐢𝐭 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫 @forevermoreharrington

• 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐎𝐧𝐥𝐲 @laiiaaa

• 𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 @bloatedandalone04

OTHERS:

AO3

-> 𝐍𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧* by Holivander

Wattpad

-> 𝐆𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐧* by Okay-rae

-> 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐥𝐲* by Tearsricochets

[skiesofthesketchy]

could i pretty please (with a cherry on top) get “ask me nicely” with jj? 🥺

hi love! thanks for your request :)

ahh i know it's been so long since I've posted, and these requests came in months ago, but I now have more time and will be working on those old requests, and hopefully some other stuff too. y'all let me know what you think, love u <3

masterlist

1k celebration blurbs

25. "Ask me nicely."

***

You were warm, laying out in the sun with your eyes closed as you listened to the banter between your friends about whether the DC comics were better than Marvel. You were hardly paying attention, slowly drifting into a comfortable dream-like state. However, you were rudely awakened by someone snatching the sun hat that was covering your face from the harsh sunlight.

You sat up while shielding your eyes, your vision taking a second to adjust before you noticed JJ standing above you with a sly smirk on his face, your sun hat in hand. “JJ,” you grumbled. “What the hell? Give it back.”

He just shook his head, putting the hat atop his dripping locks of hair. “No can do, Y/N. You’re coming to the water with me.”

You rolled your eyes with a huff. “I was trying to take a nap.”

“Don’t be so lazy,” he teased. You angrily stood up and reached for your hat, but JJ took it off and held it above his head, out of your reach.

“Seriously, JJ? How old are you?” He always pulled this kind of shit with you, taking your stuff and teasing you until you were forced to chase him in order to get it back. It was annoying, and you didn’t know why he found such joy in messing with you all the time.

You pulled on his arm but he wouldn’t budge, the hat still too high up for you to reach. You shoved him and tried jumping instead, but failed. He laughed at your attempt, a bright grin on his face. “You’ll have to try harder than that.”

“Oh my god, you’re so annoying!” You made sure to put on your best pissed off expression, but JJ was unbothered. Getting a rise out of you was one of his favorite pastimes.

“Ask me nicely.” You grumbled at his cute little dimples making an appearance on his handsome face as he smirked at you, eyes gleaming.

“Fine. JJ, can I please have my hat back?” You pouted your lips and batted your eyelashes for good measure. You swear you could punch this idiot sometimes.

“See, Y/N? That’s all you had to do,” he said, offering you the hat, only to take off running when you went to grab it. You had no choice but to chase after him, yelling at him the whole time while he cackled like a child in a game of tag.

Just a few strides behind him, you balled your fists and decided to jump onto his back. JJ only stumbled slightly as you tightened your arms around his neck, your legs wrapping around his waist. “Give it back, you idiot!” you yelled at him.

To your surprise, JJ dropped your hat and used his free hands to grab the back of your thighs. “Time for a swim!” he hollered with a laugh. You tried your best to wiggle out of his grasp, but with his hold on your legs, you’d fall if you let go of his shoulders. Then he was sprinting like a maniac towards the water, acting as if he didn’t have a person on his back kicking and screaming.

He ran into the sea, not stopping until the water reached his chest while you squealed at the cold temperature engulfing your warm body. Leave it to JJ to make you chase him around like a dumbass, then fling you into the ocean. You’re just glad you had taken your clothes off already at your beach spot.

“I’m going to kill you,” you muttered into his ear, your arms still clasped tightly around him.

He just chuckled at your displeasure. “Come on, Y/N. You can’t kill me. You’d miss me too much.” He released your legs but you tightened your grip around him like a snake attacking its prey, your legs wrapped around his waist. Your arm secured around his neck in a chokehold and his hands shot to your elbow to try and pull it away.

“Wanna bet, Maybank?” you taunted in his ear. He only laughed, using his superior strength to pry your arm loose enough for him to breathe. You’ve had your fair share of wrestling matches with the boys, in fact JJ was the one who showed you the move you were trying to pull on him, but you were never strong enough to actually win.

JJ expertly grabbed your wrists and held them down against his chest, but you weren’t going to give up that easily. He laughed again cockily, and you were getting even more annoyed. “You know you can’t beat me in a physical fight,” he beamed.

You couldn’t think of anything witty to say back as you tried to yank your arms free of his grip. The idiot wasn’t even phased, just laughing at your poor attempts to escape before suddenly spinning around and pulling you with him. It was a battle of strength with his fingers still wound around your wrists as you tried to get away. To nobody’s surprise, JJ was winning, and he had somehow maneuvered you to be in front of him, your back pressed to his chest while he held your arms crossed over your body.

“Ugh, JJ!” you whined. You were even more helpless now with JJ clutching you against him and not being able to move your arms. You stopped struggling and threw your head back onto his shoulder. “You couldn’t have let me win just this once?”

You felt his breathy laugh fan over your bare neck and collar bone. “What would be the fun in that?”

You closed your eyes with a sigh, letting your whole body relax now that you had given up on trying to beat JJ. “You’re an asshole.”

He chuckled again, eyes focused on you and how calm you looked now. He had a close up view of your pretty face and the smooth skin of your neck, all the way down to your cleavage. Another soft sigh escaped your lips and JJ smiled, letting go of your arms and wrapping his own around your waist. Instead of being forcefully pinned down, you were secured in his comfortable embrace.

He swayed the pair of you softly as he looked out at the ocean, and you stayed with your eyes closed. His fingers rubbed soothing circles into your skin while your legs floated out in front of you. You were actually falling back into that dream-like state before JJ broke the silence. “I’m beginning to think you like being in this position, Y/N,” he tried to flirt.

“Oh shut up,” you laughed softly. “I’m sleepy.”

“I can carry you back to the beach spot,” JJ offered, which made you smile.

“No, let’s stay here for a little while.” You didn’t see it, but JJ had a grin of his own as he brushed your hair away from your face before returning his hand to your hip.

***

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[maddiwrites]

Secret Lives

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Summary: You and JJ never got along so your friends trap the two of you on a boat in the middle of the marsh to work it out. Only it doesn’t go as planned.

Note: Hi guys! This is my first writing piece. I tried not to do a two parter for my first one but it ended up being so long. Sorry! I would love to hear your feedback so feel free to leave me a message! Part two will be posted soon. Also I have completed a rewrite of the show with a JJ x Routledge sister pairing so keep an eye out for that! Also wanna shout out @skiesofthesketchy​ @malfoyfarms​ @collecting-stories​ because they were some of the first masterlists I read and I loved them and it inspired me to write my own. So thank you!

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings: Language, angst, very slight mentions of abuse

Part 2

Y/N Y/L/N. That’s you. Or as some like to call you, Hannah Montana. You live the best of both worlds, living it up on Figure Eight and wearing hundred dollar dresses to fancy dinners and parties, sneaking expensive mimosas to brunches with your friends, and getting biweekly mani pedi’s with your sister. Meanwhile, when you’re not rolling around in the luxuries of Kook Life, you’re rolling around in the dirt with your Pogue friends, baking in the sun on a dirty small boat while drinking the cheapest beer one of the boys’ could get their hands on. Most Kooks hated you even when they wanted to be you. And most Pogues didn’t trust you even as they tried getting in your pants.

One of them being JJ Maybank.

Kiara introduced you to her group of friends right after freshman year. The two of you were the black sheep of Kook Academy. Both your families have money, sure. But you weren’t jerks about it. You enjoy a little pampering here and there, but you’re not tone deaf and superficial like the rest of your peers. You were so grateful that your science teacher paired you two together for that year’s science fair. You instantly clicked with the curly brunette and spent most of the class talking about whatever came to mind instead of actually brainstorming project ideas. After working together for months on a science fair project with a shared passion of wanting to help save the environment, Kie finally introduced you to her best friends.

John B and Pope immediately made you feel like one of the group. Sure, they were curious about your life but you never felt like you were being interrogated with questions. They included you on inside jokes and even gave you the nickname ‘Sassy’ after proving to them that you can hold your own in a verbal fight.

Thanks to JJ.

From the start he claimed to never like you. He hated where you were from, who your parents were, and that you never had a job. He hated that you didn’t even have to try to get people to like you. In his eyes, everything was handed to you on silver platter. You had a picture perfect life and all you had to do was bat your eyelashes and show off your pearly white teeth. He couldn’t stand you.

Yet, he was dangerously attracted to you.

He loved the way your hair shined against the setting sun, he loved that you didn’t wear makeup every single day like every other Kook on the island, he loved how your white jean shorts perfectly shaped your curves, and he loved how your temper was as equally as short as his because it made you fighting with him that much hotter.

Last night was no different than every other night with you and your friends. It was quiet, spent around a bonfire in John B’s back yard. You sipped on cheap beer from the can while the smell of JJ’s marijuana smoke wafted through the air. Kie lightly strummed the strings of her ukulele while Pope and JJ bickered about the pros and cons of smoking weed.

This was your family. You had friends on the other side of the island too but you weren’t as close as you were with the Pogues. You would do anything for the people surrounding you. Even JJ. You tried to tell yourself you hated him just as much as he hated you, but you couldn’t help but feel like every other girl on this island, falling for his ocean blue eyes and golden locks. His wit and his charm. His loyalty and protectiveness of his friends. How he looked with his shirt off. How he would wink at you when he caught you staring. You wished you didn’t, but you loved him.

“Hellooo, Y/N?” John B waved his hand in front of your face. You hadn’t even realized you’d been staring.

“I’m sorry. What were you saying?”

John B smirked but didn’t say what he was thinking. He always thought you and JJ were acting dumb when it was clear as day that the two of you were attracted to each other. He always caught you two staring at one another when the other wasn’t looking. You two would always ask about the other person when they weren’t there even if it was just to throw a sharp jab behind their back.

“I asked you what you were up to this weekend.”

“Oh,” You shrugged. “Probably run some errands, babysit my neighbor’s kids...”

Just like Hannah Montana, you also lived a secret life. Your life wasn’t as perfect as everyone thought it was, but you’d never admit to it. Your mother would be crushed, your friends would find you stupid and pathetic, and you would hate yourself even more than you already did.

“Good. Sunday we’re going to check out the surfing competition on Seasill Beach. JJ’s trying to qualify for it next year.”

Your smile immediately dropped. “Sunday. Oh.”

“Already got a spa day planned, Princess?” JJ smirked from across the way.

“I, uh,” You tried your best to fake a grin. “I’m sorry. I can’t go. I already have plans.”

You held you breath as you waited for someone to respond. This was the third time this month you flaked on your friends without a good explanation. You never knew what to tell them, only that you had plans. You were afraid if you said anything else, they’d find out you were lying.

“Again?” Kie stopped playing her ukulele to look at you. “Seriously. Is there some secret boy we should know about or something?”

You scoffed. “No.”

You felt the most guilty lying to Kie. After all she was your best friend. The one you were supposed to be able to share everything with, even the stuff you couldn’t tell your parents.

“Kie’s right. You bailed on us last week last minute too,” Pope said.

You opened your mouth to say something, but your head wasn’t working fast enough to come up with a lie.

“We all knew this day would come.” JJ’s smirk was gone. He flicked the butt of his joint into the fire and claps off the ash from his hands. “Hannah Montana dips her toes into the wild life. She feels free and independent long enough to decide she’d rather go back to her cookie cutter life and live with all the privilege that daddy has to offer.”

The word ‘daddy’ physically made you flinch. Your eyes narrowed in a tight glare as you dug your fingernails into the palm of your hand, hating that this was the way JJ thought of you.

“J...” John B tried to warn him but JJ didn’t listen.

“No, seriously.” JJ stood up. “I bet the reason she’s not telling us what all her ‘plans’ are is because she knows you’ll all be disappointed. Me? Well, I couldn’t care less whether you hung out with us or not. In fact, I’ve been praying for it. So tell us, Y/N, what are you doing that you won’t tell us? If it’s not some dude, then maybe you decided you’d rather be a Kook. Are you going to fancy lunches and riding yachts across the ocean? Maybe you’re spitting in the faces of the people who work to make your life easier. Maybe -”

“JJ!” Kie yelled.

You stood up, your vision turning red and your skin going hot. Usually you could take JJ’s insults. You were use to JJ throwing your family’s money in your face, trying to make you feel bad for something you can’t control, but this was too much. Because now he was calling you out on your loyalty to your friends. And he was so far from the truth.

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?” You said. The other three stood up when you took a step in JJ’s direction. John B stood close to you. He didn’t know what you were going to do, but he’s never heard your voice so low and threatening in a long time. The other time was with a Kook who was giving JJ shit. Ironically. “For me to just leave.”

“I didn’t stutter, did I?”

“Well I hate to break it to you, but I’m not going anywhere. In fact, because I’m such a nice friends, I’m going to give you some free advice. First, the last thing you want to question me about is my loyalty to the people who’s lives I would put before my own. Second, I would suggest removing that stick up your ass because it seems like your way too uptight to handle it.”

JJ glared at you and didn’t move to respond. A part of you was surprised he didn’t have anything to come back with and the other part of you was relieved.

The thick tension between you and your friends was suffocating. Your night had been effectively ruined by a simple question. But the sad part is, you didn’t even know who to blame. JJ, or the other man causing most of your guilt and grief.

“Y/N/N...” Kie tried stopping you as you gathered your stuff to leave.

“I’m out of here.”

You stormed out of the backyard and into your car. There was only so much you could take until you broke. And you were not going to give JJ Maybank the satisfaction of seeing you break.

                                            ***********************

You couldn’t fall asleep last night. JJ’s words kept replaying in your head like a bad song stuck on replay. You wanted to hate him. You wanted to blame him for not trusting you. But instead, you hated yourself. Because you’re the reason he can’t trust you. Cause you have secrets you don’t want shared.

Your thumb hovered over his contact. Not JJ’s. The man who’s made your life a living hell for the last sixteen years. You wanted to scream and cry and slap him in his face. But instead, you stayed frozen in fear. Like the little pathetic girl he says you are. And you hated yourself more for proving him right.

Your attention was taken away when someone busted through your bedroom door out of breath. Kie immediately went to your drawers and pulled out the first bathing suit she could find and threw it at you.

“Kie -”

“We need to go,” She said. “Get dressed.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Pope and John B ran out of gas doing grocery runs for Heyward. We need to get them with the HMS Pogue.”

“Where’s JJ? Why can’t he help you?”

“He’s working,” Kie said quickly. “Come on.”

                                           ***********************

You and Kie found Heyward’s boat stranded in the middle of the marsh like Kie said it would be. John B and Pope were waiting for you on the back and thanking you both for coming to help. You hold the gas as they helped you onto the boat. They directed you to the tank while they helped Kie.

As soon as you made your way to the front of the boat, you heard the engine of the Pogue rev and take off. You dropped the gasoline gallon and sprinted to the back of the boat where they left you. John B and Pope waved back to you as Kie drove them back to the Chataeu.

“What the hell?” You yelled at them to come back.

“You and JJ need to work your shit out!” John B yelled back to you.

“What...” You mumbled to yourself before you heard the sound of heavy footsteps running towards you. You gasp in surprise when a sweaty JJ passed you to glare at the boat that’s getting smaller and smaller by the second.

“What the fuck?” He screamed.

“There’s food and blankets in the cabin!” Pope yelled back.

“We’ll come get you in the morning,” Kie said.

You clenched your teeth together with frustration. JJ looked just as pissed off and small part of you was disappointed with that. He turned around, cursing to himself and hitting random shit in his way.

This was going to be a long day.

                                           ***********************

After four hours, you and JJ still hadn’t spoken to each other. He took over the cabin while you laid out on the back of the boat. Your head was running with different thoughts. Should you try to make up with JJ? Should you just continue to ignore him? Should you tell him why you can’t go to the surfing competition tomorrow?

You didn’t know what to do but you knew you couldn’t sit here in silence anymore.

You reluctantly stood in front of him with crossed arms. He was smoking a blunt and looking out into the setting sun. If you were friends, you would take a picture of him right now. The pink sky painted his skin perfectly.

“What?” He said without looking at you.

“Seriously?” You raised one brow. “We’re asked to do one thing on this boat and that’s all you have to say?”

“I’m not sorry for what I said last night.”

“Neither am I.”

“Fine.”

You rolled your eyes. The problem with both of you was that you’re both stubborn. But if the problem with JJ couldn’t be fixed today, you didn’t know how much longer you would be able to put up with his rude remarks and assumptions about you.

“What the hell is your problem?” You said.

“My problem?”

“Yeah. Your problem. You’ve been treating me like shit ever since Kie introduced me to you. What could I have possibly done to make you hate me so goddamn much?”

JJ shook his head in annoyance. “I’m not doing this.”

He got up and walked to the back of the boat where you were sulking not even five minutes ago. You followed him like the stubborn person you were and you continued to grill him.

“I’ve tried so hard to be your friend. I’ve bought you drugs, I’ve even done yours and JB’s laundry. I put in a good word to the tourons who ask about you at boneyard parties. I laugh at your jokes, even when they’re about my friends. I try so hard to be on your good side and you still want nothing to do with me!”

“Because you’re a Kook!”

“So?”

“You have everything. Money, family, friends, a future. I don’t trust you because I don’t know what the hell you want with us. What do we possibly have that you can’t get on Figure Eight? Hm? Are you trying to prove a point to your mom that you don’t need her? You trying to prove to your dad that you’re a tough girl and don’t need his money or protection to keep you safe? Huh?”

“You know what your problem is? You don’t listen! I’ve told you time and time again that I don’t care about any of those things. I hang out with you guys because you are my friends. I have a good time when I’m with you. Why is that so hard for you to get?”

JJ scoffed. “Please. You don’t think I see you constantly checking your cell phone? Making sure no one can see who you’re texting? If we’re such good friends, why won’t you tell us what you’re doing tomorrow? You always have ‘other plans’ and then you never tell us what they are.”

“Because that’s none of your business!”

“If my friends are going to get hurt because of some lying bitch then it is my business!”

You were breathing so heavily, you were basically panting. Your blood felt like it was boiling under your skin and your head felt fuzzy with lack of thoughts. You didn’t know what to say, truly lost for words.

JJ took another step closer to you. You’re so close to him, you can feel his breath on your face and see every mark on his skin. You never knew he had a scar right above his brow or a freckle under his ear. He smelled like weed and sun sunscreen and his breath like mint. Had you not been fired up with rage, you would have thought he looked hot and maybe even made a move.

But now it was the last thing you wanted to do.

“I’m sick and tired of you spoiled brats getting everything you want. You’re nothing but a spoiled rich kid who doesn’t even know the kind of privilege she has if it hit her in the face. You can’t relate to anything we have to go through. You don’t have to get dirt underneath your fingernails to make a buck. You don’t have to wonder where your next meal is coming from. You wouldn’t last a week on the Cut because you’ve never known what it’s been like to live the life we do!”

“You don’t know anything about me!” You snapped. The heart in your chest felt like it was being shredded to pieces by a rapid wolf. You felt like you were being torn apart one by one with each insult he threw in your face. Little did he know, he was wrong.

“I know enough to never want to see you again. I will never accept you into our group of friends. Don’t you get that? So you can stop playing the nice girl act around me and go back to Sarah Cameron and the other Kooks that you still hang out with despite knowing everything they’ve done to us. To Kie!”

Bringing up the fight between Kie and Sarah was a low blow and JJ knew it. It was something you always struggled with because you continued to be friends with both of them separately. At first, they were both mad at you but then accepted your friendship when they came around to loving the idea that you would fight for both of them. You tried getting them to talk and make up, but both of them refused. Maybe you should just stick them on a boat in the middle of nowhere and force them to work it out.

Although, clearly your experience with it wasn’t going so well.

“That’s not fair.”

“Yeah, well life’s not fair sweet heart. But you wouldn’t know about that.”

You thought the fight last night was bad. But this one took the icing off the cake. You wished so desperately that Kie had just trapped you both in a locked room, so at least you had the chance to break out and run away from the darkness that was clouding around you.

You were most upset that this was how JJ thought of you. You didn’t know if you would have the same devastating reaction if someone else had said these things to you. You wanted so badly to be friends with the blonde Pogue. You saw the way he interacted with his friends and you wanted to be a part of that small circle so badly, you would almost do anything to be in it.

But you didn’t think you could last another second of being belittled and tormented with JJ’s outspoken feelings towards you. You wished there was a rewind button so you could go back to bed and hopefully never wake up and you’d lock your door so Kie couldn’t break in.

You swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall and admit your defeat. You wanted to find the nearest corner and crawl into it and escape the murderous glare of JJ Maybank. JJ was wrong. You didn’t have everything. Because in this moment, you still wanted him. And you were just realizing that you never will.

“You judge me by the surface. You’ve never once tried to get to know me. You don’t ask. You just assume that I’m like every other kid on Figure Eight. You don’t know where I’ve came from. What I’ve been through. What I live with. You don’t know my plans for the future or my hobbies or even my favorite color because you didn’t ask!” Adrenaline pushes through your veins like a wave of energy. You’ve never felt so powerful but so small in your life.

“All right. So tell me,” JJ said. “Tell me whatever story you can think of that will change my mind about you.”

You paused, standing there face to face with someone who will never accept you. You were suddenly overcome with so many emotions you didn’t know which one to choose from. Anger, sorrow, fear, confusion, shame.

You couldn’t believe you even thought about telling JJ your story. A story that you haven’t even told Kie. The story about how you were actually born and raised on the far end of the south side. How your dad use to abuse your mother right in front of you before she managed to escape when you were eight. For six months you lived in her car before she got a job as a housekeeper at a cheap motel used mostly for hookers and their cliental. Her employer let you live rent free if your mom accepted a cheaper pay check. During one of her shifts, your mother ran right into Andrew Y/L/N. No, he wasn’t one of the hooker’s clients. He was actually on the property looking to buy out the place. Even though he was a Kook, he looked through the housekeeper’s uniform into my mom’s heart and loved everything about her. He took her on a couple dates, then less than a year later, married her. You changed your last name to his because you didn’t want any relation to your father anymore. You thought the man was scum and deserved to rot in hell for everything he put your mom through. You hated him and even wished for him to die. Sometimes you even thought about doing it yourself. But then you saw him again. At a gas station in the middle of The Cut. You couldn’t believe he recognized you and you were even more shocked he had the audacity to talk to you. And you listened. He told you how sorry he was. How he never meant to hurt your mom. How he missed his baby girl and wanted to be in her life again. You fell for every word because a part of you you didn’t know existed missed having a biological dad.

That was your biggest mistake.

He didn’t change. He was still the same bastard he was eight years ago, using violence and threats with people much weaker than him to get what he wanted. He loved guilting you with your new luxuries. How you now had everything right under your fingertips after you left him to wither away with nothing. He said you owed him. Because you were his daughter and you were supposed to love him unconditionally. And you fell for it every time. He never hurt you like he hurt your mom. A few slaps here and there but nothing to leave a mark to get your mother questioning.

So now you were trapped - trapped in his world and in his life. Using your own money that you actually worked for, little did JJ know, to pay for his bills, his drugs, and sometimes, even his bail.

You didn’t tell anyone about this secret life because you didn’t want anyone to make you feel any more pathetic and weak than you already felt. And most importantly, you didn’t want to hurt your mother by telling her you’ve been supporting the one person she’s been trying to protect you from.

And you were about to risk that by telling someone who probably still wouldn’t care about you even after hearing what you had to say. You are who you are. If JJ didn’t like you now, he shouldn’t like you after telling him your story, anyway.

“No.” You shook your head.

“No?” JJ scoffed. “I’m finally asking you tell me something and you’re saying no?”

“Because you don’t care, JJ! Not really. You think knowing my sob story is going to get you to like me? I don’t need a pity friendship. I am who I am because of shit I’ve had to overcome. And this is me now. So if you don’t like it, then fine. We’ll do it your way and call it quits.” JJ didn’t say anything as you turned around to find somewhere to pass out in hopes of getting morning to come faster.

You found a blanket deep into the cabin and pulled it over your body, shielding yourself away from the world. You hoped the darkness would sweep through your head so you wouldn’t be plagued with torturous thoughts about your past or what’s going to happen to tomorrow. You cried - you cried because even after JJ ripped into your like a zoo animal, he still hated you.

JJ was wrong. You didn’t have everything. Because you didn’t have him.

                                           ***********************

Surprisingly, the sun rose sooner than you expected it to. Sleeping on the swaying boat wasn’t as awful as you thought it was going to be. In fact, it was kind of peaceful with the stars above you and the sound of moving water right under you.

The morning wasn’t so calming. You were slapped in the face with memories of the night before. Your stomach twisted at the thought of being face to face with JJ again. You knew what you had to do and thinking about it made you sick and depressed.

You pushed yourself up and checked the time on the radio. 8:03. Anxiety instantly flooded through you. You only had two hours to get home to be ready in time to run ‘errands’ with your dad.

You looked out to the back of the boat where JJ was looking into the horizon, probably waiting for your friends to come.

Fresh set of tears pricked your eyes at what’s to come. You loved your friends and you even loved JJ. But you couldn’t stay with the Pogues. You didn’t want to make JJ any more uncomfortable than he already was and you were afraid the constant fighting would push your friends further apart. You didn’t want to be the reason for that.

You pulled the blanket tighter around your shoulders and walked next to JJ. Without a word, you looked out in the same direction he was looking and admired the morning sun.

Surprisingly, JJ was the first one to speak. He looked at you and instantly felt guilty all over again. He tossed and turned all night contemplating on whether he should wake you up to apologize or just wait until morning. He knew he wasn’t being fair. You’ve done nothing but tried to earn his trust since day one. You accepted him for all his flaws and he couldn’t do the same for you. Yeah there was the phone thing and not telling the others what you’re up to, but it wasn’t like you were constantly in his business. If you see him with unexplained bruises, you don’t pester him about it. If he comes back to the Chateau in a pissy mood and blames it on a fight with his dad, you try to make him forget about it with a distraction instead of making him tell you what the fight was about. Why couldn’t he give you the same respect?

Truth was he wasn’t so much worried about his friends getting hurt as he was getting hurt. He liked you more than a friend should which would make your departure from your friends that much more heartbreaking for him. He never felt this way over a girl, let a lone a Kook and he tried so desperately to hate you. But it didn’t work. Instead, it made him feel like the biggest asshole in the world. He wanted to fix what he broke. He told himself he still had time left. His friends weren’t back yet to get him.

“Listen, Y/N -”

“It’s fine, J,” You sniffled. This time you couldn’t stop the tears from running down your cheeks. You tried blinking them away which only made them fall faster. You hated crying in front of people. Your dad always said it was a sign of weakness and you believed him. You wouldn’t be surprised if JJ laughed in your face right now and called you a loser. “It’s done.”

“What are you talking about?”

JJ’s heart physically broke when he saw your tears. He had never seen you cry. Not even out of joy. He couldn’t believe he was the cause of this. That he had made someone as beautiful and as kind as you actually feel bad about herself. He wished he could take back time and start over. He wished he gave her a chance from the beginning. He wished it wasn’t too late.

You both looked up when you heard the engine of the HMS Pogue. In the distance, you could hear your friends laughing and calling out to you, not yet realizing their plan went to shit. You had to make this quick.

“The last thing I want is to get between you and your friends. You don’t have to worry about me hurting anyone, especially Kie. I’ll back off.” You said, making JJ’s brows furrowed in confusion and his heart raced with worry. “I’m giving you what you want. I’ll stay out of your life.”

JJ couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe he drove you to do the one thing he actually never wanted you to do. “Wait. You’re leaving?”

You looked JJ in the eyes and he wished you didn’t. Because for the first time, he didn’t see the light behind your eyes or the little crinkle in the corner when you smiled. They were dull and lifeless, making him sick to his stomach.

“I didn’t stutter. Did I?” You used his words from the other night and it felt like a stab in the heart to JJ.

JJ was left speechless which almost never happens. He wished he could say something, anything, to make you feel differently, to tell you he was wrong and sorry. But nothing came out. He could barely breathe.

“Hey you crazy kids,” Kie’s voice pierces the air, jokingly and airy. If only she knew that wasn’t how you were feeling.

“Missing a key or something?” John B joked alongside her.

“You should have called us sooner!” Pope added.

When the boat came closer to yours, they finally got a look at the two of you. They were shocked to see you silently crying and looking like all the life had been sucked out of you. JJ looked mad but they couldn’t tell whether he was mad at you or them or himself.

The three of them went sick with anxiety, suddenly wondering if this was a bad idea. Kie tried to get you make eye contact, but you wouldn’t look at her. You couldn’t look at any of them - afraid you might actually break completely if you did.

“Y/N/N...” Kie said softly.

“You guys okay?” John B asked wearily.

JJ helped Pope tie The Pogue to Heyward’s boat and hopped on right after. Pope traded spots with JJ and came up beside you and stood there awkwardly. He didn’t know what to do either.

You looked up at him before he could come up something probably stupid to ask. “Can you drop me off please?”

Pope glanced back at his friends and nodded. “Uh, sure. John B will probably get you there faster though if you -”

“No, it’s okay,” You said. You didn’t think you’d be able to handle being in an enclosed space with JJ for another minute. You just wanted to go home and forget the past two years ever happened. “I’ll stay here.”

Pope shrugged at his friends when you trudged back into the cabin and curled yourself into the corner. You didn’t know what the next few weeks would be like, but you hoped they go better than the last twenty four hours did.

[pogueszn]

hey buddy :) how's the writers block? any better? i hope you have a good week bby, love youuuuuuu

hi lovely! first of all thank you! and i hope you have a great week as well!

it’s gotten better but it’s still here sadly. and ik i’ve been saying this for a while now but i’m hoping to get some projects out as soon as possible though!

also love you tooooo 🥺🥺

[x-lulu]

these are my babies Mia (blonde patches) and Luke (anxious mf) 😂💕💕

AWW THEY ARE SO FK CUTE, I WANT TO HOLD THEM HAHA, THOSE EYES OMG THEY ARW ADORABLE

[heysimps]

Outer banks fic recs🤍

JJ Maybank

Leave the light on by @milazka

Are you bored yet? @maysbanks

Dance partners by @poguesofthebau

Impressed yet by @milaonthemoon

Unsend & Send it by @skiesofthesketchy

Scared to love by @maddiwrites

My girl by @pougesmaybanks

Turning page by @cherryobx

Just you by @bricksatlandyswindow

Post it’s by @tomfreakinghollandneedsaoscar

Do you trust me by @damndunner

Caught by @outerbankspreferences

Just a little by @demxters

Pogue on pogue by @skiller0dani

Not so sneaky by @rudethstyles

Bad day by @mydogisveryadorbs

Slow dancing in the dark by @thatsme-johnbookerroutledge

No regrets by @baby-bearie

Birthday girl by @peach-vuitton

Everywhere by @storiesbymads

10 things i hate about you by @mrsmaybankhere

Ratatouille by @sunsetholland

Be like that by @love-chx

Series

The romantic tirades of indie routeledge by @cognacdelights

Don’t mess with the troublemakers by @mayraki

School is in session by @makebank

Dirty little secret by @lunarliza

Breach by @outrbanks

The summer playlist by @pogueszn

Rafe Cameron

Dangerous by @spilledtee

Blankets by @taylathornton

Body count by @cobaincreates

Loving by @twinklelilstarkey

Simp by @socialwriter

365 days by @poge-life

Pink panties by @countryclubstarkey

On the course by @heybarzy

Ignore me / Forgive me by @babytkachuks

Incompatible by @rekrappeter

Do something about it by @annab-nana

Series

Coho Rafe by @sunnypogue

Holiday in the sun by @collecting-stories

Blueberry pancakes by @butgilinsky

Lost Time by @moldisgoodforyou

Mistake by @tweedlydumbtweedlydoo 

Pope Heyward

Lost & found by @taylathornton

The treehouse by @butgilinsky

Pope’s secret by @ptersparkers

Time bomb by @sortagaysortahigh

Truths by @outrebanx

Book lovers by @topsytervy

[makebank]

1k celebration 💥

heeey its been a minute but i want to engage with all my new followers and my old ones that are still here. i’m off the next few days so lets do this

this or that, fmk (the basics)

blurbs!!! send me the blurb you want, where you got it from, and who you want it to be about. i’ve really only written for obx sorry but i’m open to whatever.  also feel free to send a prompt/idea not listed :)

meet cute

jealousy

hand holding

mixed list 

enemies to lovers with one injured

angsty/sad

fluff

or you can just send me whatever you’re thinking or want to say i miss you all

tagging some old mutuals  @thisismynerdyself @rafecameron @reawritesthings @cognacdelights @spilledtee @saharamae21 @everybodyscupoftea @bricksatanakinswindow @jiaraendgame @jjbanks @sortagaysortahigh @maybanksbaby @dmonchld @poguesgold @maybanksbaby @outerbanksjjforever @skiesofthesketchy @annab-nana @mayraki @jellyfishbeansontoast @fuckyeahmattytkachuk @halsmultibitch @dpaccione @stardusttkachuk @stfukie @harrysbbby

[moniamaybank]

End of the year fic rec list

Hi! I joined the obx fandom this October and I am amazed of the talented writers there are! So, I’m here to share some favs of mine. Just wanted to thank you all for this amazing content💕

JJ Maybank

impressed yet by @milaonthemoon

beach tears   by @makebank

the romantic tirades of indie routledge by @cognacdelights

pike!jj by @oopmyheartwent-obx

A Christmas Miracle by @annab-nana

Unsend {1} and Send it {2} by @skiesofthesketchy

Mind games (Masterlist) by @sweetlysilent

You deserve love masterlist by @mayraki

5+1 by @cherryobx

Bet by @sodapopforever

stranded by @pogueszn

Need A Hand? by @starduststarkey

Needy ━ ★ ღ by @weasleyswildin

bittersweet by @outrbanks

the 7 ways he’ll tell you he loves you by @baby-bearie

Say It Again by @overly-b

Suite 23 by @sweeterthansammy

touch starved by @toriswrites

Heartbreaker 1 by @yungbludz

 The four times the Pogues tried to pair you up with JJ + the time they realized you were already dating. by @anxiousstark

just a little by @demxters

Good Good Lovin’ by @love-chx

brat by @kuromiwhores

Ice Cream Princess by @tomfreakinghollandneedsaoscar

Tidal Waves Series by @spilledtee

j’taime : by @sunsetholland

illicit affairs by @rekrappeter

like to be you - jj maybank x reader by @thatsme-johnbookerroutledge

leave a light on by @milazka

Rafe Cameron

𝕚 𝕙𝕒𝕥𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 by @kookkyra

The Best Boys Masterlist (Topper,Kelce,RafeXReader) by @thedemonsimpofcamphalfblood

body count by @cobaincreates

if only by @fttayla

All the hockey Rafe fics by @sunnypogue

rafe and sophie by @moldisgoodforyou

snowed in by @vinceduhn

Complicated by @rafej-cambanks

My Sunshine by @https-luna

Tumblr didn't let me tag these but Triple Threat by @thisismynerdyself, Crush by @camillemonty and I will leave by @ijustreallylovethem