#complete and utter baffoons

[cloysterbell]

Hey Hardison, man, what are you talking about? Like a light you would shine up in the air, huh? How does that work? And how would you see it during the day, first of all? And what would you put on it? Like a wolf? Or a knife or a wolf? A wolf is cooler. See, I'm into that.

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

bard Yang died

Cause of death: snu snu with a giant woman

Cleric!Weiss: (in a temple of worship with a deceased Yang on a stone slab, holding a flawless amethyst in her hands as she prays and spellcasts) Yang Xiao Long, I told you once, and I'll tell you again! I can't keep resurrecting you whenever you let Blake top you in bed!

Giant!Blake: (mortified and covering her blushing face in shame as she sits outside the room)

BloodHunter!Ruby: (consoling Blake) It's okay, Blake. She knew what the risks were when she told you to sit on her face. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

Cleric!Weiss: (completes spell)

Bard!Yang: (gasps and falls off the slab) SCANLAN BE PRAISED!!! I LIVE AGAIN!!!

Cleric!Weiss: (grabs her staff and starts beating Yang over the head with it) YOU COMPLETE AND UTTER MORON!!! YOU SHAMELESS BAFFOON!!! YOU SALACIOUS, ADULTERING, WHORE OF A BARD!!!

Giant!Blake: (sighs in relief) I'm glad she's alright.

BloodHunter!Ruby: For now. I think Weiss is about to try and cast Smite.

[arobinwithoutbatman]

((Welp, teh job search has destroyed my soul so hopefully Knightfall won't hit me too hard. We did the Prelude... forever ago time to start things for real.))

...Mad Hatter has a pet chimp? ...okaaaaayyyyyy

Oh and Hatter knows he's being watched cause he's still intelligent under his delusion so yup, Bane's lackeys are getting tracked now I guess

Does brainwashing and other forms of mind control generally work like that? Probably not. Does it still make Hatter creepy as fuck because he does in fact know how the brain works? Yes. I hate him.

Tim in a fight with a chimp. This is fine

Cool that's Hatter dealt with

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Maxie Zeus... don't know that name... and ventriloquist missing Scarface this is... mkay

And someone called Amygdala... *Jesus you're huge*

Tim very unhappy with the dead body by Bane's apartment

-Inhale... Exhale...- I'm all for showing grace to the neurodivergent and mentally ill but for the love of God, these specific people are in fact very dangerous because they kill with intent to do so

Oh! Oh Tim spotted a falcon! He knows that's a problem!

Okay but that face tho. You good, Tim? Looking a little maniacal there

Oh wonderful, Zsaz is being dealt with next issue

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Oh. *Oh i hate him* Loathe. Utterly despise.

Jesus Bruce is super jumpy. Understandably so but don't strangle Tim, fuck!

Cool Gordon's job is on the line but then again, this Mayor sucks

Okay I would like to never see Zsaz again, he's horrible no thanks please stop existing

And uhhhh Bruce isn't doing too well. Which is a shame cause obviously I know this ends with Bruce getting his back broken

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Bruce is still not doing well and Tim is still following Bane and tyring to tell Bruce this

Oooohhhhh no, TIM BEHIND YOU

Okay unharmed but blindfolded and bound. Not a great situation but could be sooooo much worse

Yeha good job Tim make the guy mad! You can't see, how are you supposed to land on that tiny ledge safely?!

Aaaaaand now Croc's here and he's pissed but at least he can see now

Cool, drowning in a sewer this is fine!

---------

Okay Tim's gotten himself out of his problem

Aaaaand Joker's partnering up with someone

Oh and Bruce's therapist is starting to get too close. That's not good, lady, you know that

Cornelius Stirk. New name. And he apparently has a hypnosis thing going on and something about historical figures? And also who Joker visited earlier

Oh okay Gordon's job and life are in danger and Joker and Scarecrow are talking and I hate everything about this

Cool Gordon's wife still hates Batman and the mayor is getting spooked and Scarecrow and Joker teaming up is The Worst, keep them well apart in the future thanks

--------------

Oh wonderful, no guards, Gordon's getting blamed for everything and Firefly is out and about and the fire service has been cancelled and are probably gonna strike!

Oh for the love of- Tim knows how weak you are rn! He's not blind or stupid!

Good! Split the work! Let Tim help! Jesus fucking Christ. I'd alos say take a break but Gotham is about to completely collapse and there's still Bane to worry about

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Well that cover implies that Poison Ivy is showing up

Oh good, Azrael's out and about *without telling anyone*

Bane has immediately figured out Bruce too... shit

So now everyone's figured out that the Mayor is missing and have gone to find it and that it's clearly the Joker behind this. Haven't figured out Scarecrow yet

Cool, Ivy's dealt with

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Welp, Riddler is back on his bullshit

Oh and Firefly is still being a prick

"Your problems don't matter. You don't matter." And that's exactly why *you're in the middle of burnout you utter baffoon!*

I really hate that one detective who's always smoking and eating donuts rather than doing anything helpful

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Oh I *do not* like this cover

Cool, explosive ice cream, why not

And Bruce walked right into a trap and now he's been dosed with fear toxin and is seeing Jason dying

"Just a boy good at heart, more brave than a man... too brave to become a man. Just a boy, his parents felled in blood, his own life ripped and torn from the world he protected. Just a boy but never to breathe, speak or move again. Just a boy, but far too brave to face the stark lurid madness of a grinning killer. Just a boy-dead- but to his killer nothing more than a sick joke! Just a boy but forever gone." Bruce's thoughts and the entire time he's screaming Jason's name while punching the beating the absolute shit out of Joker.

So Joker and Scarecrow are escaping and then Bruce has hte Mayor... please get a better Mayor, this guy was an ass

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Cool, got the Mayor out and he might actually be okay with Batman's existence now

Aaaaannndddd Bane's people are attacking Batman. Cool. Great. Awesome

OH

OH HE DID *NOT*

FUCK YOU, I DON'T CARE IF YOU DIDN'T KILL HIM, YOU DON'T TOUCH ALFRED

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Yup there it is. Thrown all over his Manor and Cave and his back broken and that's volume 1 done... fuuuuuucccckkk... I'm gonna chill for a couple more hours and head back home adn then get through volume 2 tomorrow

[rowansparrow]

14 y/o me, watching the clone wars: Ahsoka is kind of annoying and bratty. >:(

19 y/o me, absolutely gay for Ahsoka Tano: You idiot. You fool. You complete and utter baffoon. You’ve embarrassed yourself. How dare you say such things. How dare you.

[deans-asscot]

I swear these writers are so used to making the Winchesters suffer that when it comes to their happiness they act like complete and utter baffoons

[saphyrose]

I feel it is my duty to share that @thatphannieperson is a complete and utter baffoon and I love them very much

[nickmpreg]

thinking about how the way i was diagnosed with asthma is by telling my therapist that when i’d start crying and try to breathe in to calm myself down i couldn’t take any breaths longer than 3 seconds cuz i thought it was normal and she looked at me like i was a complete and utter baffoon

[blueonwrestling]

so seth rollins has tweeted out and even went as far to tag #sethrollinsisnotcool.

and you know what, I 100% agree with that sentiment, the character Seth Rollins is not cool at all, he’s an absolute geek and a dork and theres one man to blame.

Vince McMahon.

Seth Rollins has been booked into the ground, made to look like a COMPLETE AND UTTER BAFFOON, HE’S LOOKED LIKE A GOOF FOR MONTHS NOW.

HE ISN’T COOL BUT IT’S ALL DUE TO THE AWFUL BOOKING.

[fatefulones]

royaltyfated replied to your post: “You are all banned from my Minecraft server.”

“but why, tamamo nyo mae ;;;w;;?” Nero cries

“Because you are talking like complete and utter baffoons.” Tama still gives her headpats though!

[stairset]

Star Wars Resistance: This is our main protagonist Kaz and as you can see, he is a giant idiot. A colossal dumbass. A complete and utter baffoon.

Me, known morosexual, already taking my clothes off: God he's so fucking sexy,

[it-is-time-lads]

due to recent events it has been determined that I am, undoubted, without question, a disaster gay and a complete and utter baffoon.

[boogieman-sam]

I love my boyfriend so much he’s a complete and utter idiot. here are some examples he told me about the dumb things he's done or didn't know existed 1. Narwhals were actual, living creatures 2. Sprayed sanitiser onto the grill at work instead of cooking oil, meaning that a whole batch of McMuffins had to be thrown out 3. That Japanese spider crabs are not sexy asf 4. He needs to wear glasses but often doesn’t, making it really funny when he messes up because you know that the bumbling baffoon isn't wearing his glasses.

[plantmomstories]

Tumblr: "are you sure you want to delete this post?"

Me, an absolute mad woman. A total baffoon. A complete and utter fool. An overconfident, inexperienced, ignoramus. Knowing full well this is my original post I'm reblogging and I won't be able to edit the original AT ALL if I delete it: "Sure."

[b00bstone]

"Talk to me" all the odd #'s pls!

are you the same person that asked about the evens on that other ask? this is long so im putting in a read more 

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

i dont have one? 

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

oh. well. um. i still know them. altho those feelings have subsided quite a lot. theyre confusing af… like when my feelings were the worst they kept giving all these mixed signals. and uuuggghhh. but yeah other than being confusing and dumb at times (all people are) theyre nice. and theyve been there for me through a lot of shit. even tho they didnt have to be. theyre taller than me. theyre chill. and a good friend. 

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

i think it was my 5th birthday. all my other birthdays that i can remember have been a bit dissapointing. my family and my then bestie smelly bellys family went to a park near our houses. and had food. and the thing i remember most was smelly and i were throwing around this weird rubber band thing? and the weather was really great. i mean its california and july… 

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

im insecure about my intelligence and worth. like im dumb af. i always have been. and being smart is kinda held in high esteem…. and im also really insecure about the fact ive never kissed anyone. or dated anyone. or ever gotten asked out on a date. 

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

i like the color my eyes are in the sunlight. sometimes my eyebrows look AMAZING (not today tho :/) and i love it when that happens. my hair sometimes gets a lil curly. i have a nice butt. imo anyway. and i rather like my boobs.

11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

i dunno? i had a dream once where the person i was crushing on at the time told me they missed me over and over. and that was nice. 

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time

i imagine it will be very awkward. but hopefully fun. mostly awkward tho. i hope it feels good. for both of us (whoever the other person is). ive always imagined it would be with someone i really really trust or a one night stand. altho with the way my life is going ill probably never have sex. 

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

i dunno. i havent felt content in quite a while so… 

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

i dunno. i dont really know any one irl that i wanna be friends with that im not. i mean i wanna be friends with thomas sanders but i dont know him at all 

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

i was an annoying bitch. also me and my friend smelly had a bit of a falling out. that happens in middle school tho lmao. 

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

for like a date? thats never happened. 

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

okay. so i hope they never read this because i hope theyve forgotten about it. but the first time i ever asked someone out was last fall. i know i know im nearly 18 and it wasnt till last year that i asked someone out? so anyway. our mutual friend monkey was like trying to convince me to ask them out for like 6 months before i did. the person in question had gone through a breakup and monkey wanted them to move on already i guess i dunno. and so like i knew they didnt like me. but then there was this thing and so i was like wiat do they? so i asked them about it. and they were like “no i dont like you” and i was like okay then wtf was all that?!?! and they were like well i guess i didnt realize i liked u and i was like okay???? so would u be willing to date and they were like no not really but they seemed really vagu about it so i was like so wait is that a yes willing to date or no???? it was a no. but anyway monkey continued to bug me to ask them out. so i, being the bumbling baffoon that i am asked them hypothetically if they would date me. they said yes. even tho i expected them to say no. then while i was freaking out about that and trying to think of what to do next they said no. which made me a little upset because if ur gonna say no u should just say it in the first place (dont mess with peoples feelings kids its rude). and so then i got upset and said some mean things and yeah. we went back to being friends.and if they do read this. im sorry dude. really really really sorry. 

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

well smelly is an ex bestie. smelly and i are still friends but not like best friends. shes chill. when we were super close it wasnt exactly a healthy relationship. she was a bit of a bully. i was selfish and went back on my word all the time. but like shes super chill now. she gets in trouble with her mom a lot tho which sucks. 

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

ummmmm im afraid that this is gonna come out sounding like i have a crush on them but i dont. no realy feelings for anyone at the mo. i like pretty all my friends’ hair and eyes. i especially like heathers hair and adis eyes. 

29: Talk about what turns you on.

confidence. like in the new thor movie trailers theres that woman who breaks his hammer like that kinda confidence where u and everyone in the rooom knows ur the biggest baddest thing around like damn son. 

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

it depends on how u die? i mean besides the whole pain thing i think its kinda peaceful. u know u get that feeling of complete and utter contentment and just kinda fade away. i dont know what happens next. but i think thats what the end of dying and beginning of being dead is like. 

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

cry. watch funny things. get on tumblr. try and make myself more miserable. and if it gets to a really bad point ill try and talk to someone about stuff. but i mainly just try and cheer myself up or emotionally wound myself. 

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

i wish i could stop being so afraid if everything. i wish i could stop falling for people that dont and never will fall for me. i wish i could stop being depressed. and easily stressed. 

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

ive already mentioned them twice. i think thats enough times for one post. but they like superheros. a lot. like the amount of enthusiasm you would expect from a 5 year old. it can be adorable. except when ur tired and just want everyone to leave u alone and never speak to u again.they dont like rhe beach. which is something i just cant understand at all. how do u not like the beach! they have kind eyes. and i honestly have no idea how i had such strong feelings for them. theres nothing wrong with them and theyre a really cool person that almost anyone would be lucky to have but like i just like u look at someone through a different lense and its just different. itd be like me trying to imagine having feelings for adi or heather. its just weird. theyre going away to college next fall. which im kinda bummed about but thats mostly because im not going to college this fall except community college. they wanna do something with art orfilms i think. he pronounces my name wrong. sometimes. but sometimes he prnounces it right. we are friends on fb. it says right there on my proflie how to pronounce it. we have talked and i have told him my name. like its not that hard! its like the thing that pisses me off the second most of things he does/has done. 

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

to do well in higher grades u need to understand stuff u learn n elementary and middle school really well. thats all that i can think of thats not really sad and depressing at the mo. 

thanks for asking me all these questions anon! ily  

[jo-the-schmo]

New challenger approaches: Basically saying intersex people are just male or female with the opposite chromosomes.

Me, about to fly off the handle: You’re completely incorrect, that is not always the case, you utter baffoon! I’m kidding, I gave them some semi helpful information, I did make a mistake which I will correct if they tag me again, and I didn’t get too mad about it. It’s not their fault they don’t know.

I know there is a fair percent of intersex people in the population so the fact that we are taught nothing about them is incredibly upsetting.

To all the intersex lovelies out there, I may not be an expert but I’m always willing to listen and think you’re great just the way you are ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 even the ones who don’t identify with being queer by any means, you still deserve respect

This guy on Instagram is trying to convince me that being intersex is “a theory” like lol what do you mean??? They factually exist what???

[nobody-63]

Snake story (don't judge too harshly this spawned from texting a friend)

"do you want a hug?" The snake hummed. He seemed sincere enough.

"Yes, please," you pipe up thoughtlessly.

The snake begins to wrap around your waist.

"Yes everyone likes hugsssss" he hisses.

"Okay I'm not comfortable with this anymore," your voice shakes.

"You fool you utter baffoon!! I AM A BOA!" His body begins to squeeze.

"Now I must embrace death," you sigh, "But WAIT... Kylie has not died yet. The pact can't be broken!" The reminder brings sudden hope.

"who do you think those bones belonged too? HAHAHAHAHA!!!"

You stare into the corner where a human skeleton rests. The snake pulls you tighter, beginning to crush your bones. Your panicked brain is losing blood flow but somehow manages a complete thought.

"Boas swallow their prey whole," you mumble.

The snake looks a bit stricken and even stops squeezing for a moment. The brief stop gives you a chance to breathe.

"Boas swallow their food whole!" You exclaim.

Fear fills his eyes. You know and he can't fool you now. He begins to pull you tighter hoping to end you before she shows up.

First the blood stops flowing through your body as his acts as a tourniquet. Then you are unable to suck in air. Everything begins to go dark, the snake thinks he's won.

A crash sounds and you see the snakes head fall from his body. Seconds later it's muscles release you. You suck in several harsh breaths.

"Are you alright," you hear from a distance.

Your vision is still blurry but quickly clearing. She's here.

She pulls your arms, dragging you out of your scaly almost tomb. As your vision clears and you regain your senses a cackling is heard from down a hall. Her eyes search your face.

"Can you walk? I need you to walk!"

You give a slight nod and she pulls you to your feet. Before you can steady she's pulling you away. She asked if you could walk but you're now being forced to run through the dark hallways as the cackling continues. The hallway ends suddenly as Kylie almost falls off a cliff. She searches around desperate to find an alternative route. Her eyes force closed and she shakes and nods her head as if debating an idea.

"Pacts are pacts," she finally says.

"What?"

She wraps you in a hug and steps off the ledge. You are both falling down. She will hit the ground first. She will die first. Pacts are pacts.