#comona | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

larrythefloridaman · 1 year

Text

Rewatch notes, Dr. Order arc edition! My notes are getting longer and longer as the story gets denser. I fear what comes when we start hitting The Big Ones. Pray for me. These are just notes for 15 and gaiden 2, and this post will be updated as i make my way through.

CPUK15. goggle……………

Representing Calibur, Google, the green roy! Google being created from the base of Bing after she lost to him last tournament 'with Bing's weaknesses buffed out,' is established out the gate as a strong local theory. Comona believes in Google's potential, praising his pedigree and ability to analyze data and general knowledge base about combat, being that he's a search engine.

Cash Money, Instajennifer! Instajen is on a quest to become the biggest influencer on the planet, and film a sponsored makeup tutorial between her matches. Here to show up and show off. She will beat you to death and take a selfie with your corpse.

Team Cones, the Red Shadow. A funny prankster type. A greninja with the prankster ability. Puts whoopee cushions on benches and replaces sugar packets with salt and such.

Team Clutch, Alabaster Uppercut <3 funny punch man

Team Chonk, in his first solo debut since death, The Gruuuuuunk, back and better than ever! Comona: "im going to kiss home md on the mouth for bringing him back." Ryan: "its what he deserves."

Team Charm, described here as a team of positivity and niceness and such rather than the usual very explicit do-gooder description, represented by Prism. Hi prism. here to right crimson's wrongs :)

Team Cracken, Patchman! The pac is back. Man of the earth.

Team Cross, a celebration of all things crossover, today we have the one the only Miles Edgeworth. Or so he claims.

Exhibition match, Minecraft Steve vs. Therapuppy! Guess steve didnt get kicked out like i thought, forgot this match happened. I forgot a lot of exhibition matches. Therapuppy makes simple work of him.

TWOOOOOOO bamamas

Google vs. Prism. First match of the night. Comona thinks Prism has an edge in this match by her command of her lil creatures, but based on bing's performance and what hes heard about Goog being more reliable, Goog won't be going down without a fight. Prism lays down a LOT of damage very quickly but Goog takes first stock with a good edgeguard and dashdances on her for good measure. Commentators note Google is very different from bing in terms of combat behavior- strong reliable momentum and much less reliant on comeback factor. Google gets good damage on her and spikes her with a viciousness for the second stock before prism can even take his first. Google doesnt want to let you live past 70%. Prism manages to take it to last stock with some careful comboing. Google takes round one after a nailbiting match.

Ryan: "Spoiler Alert, can't wait for the round three." Comona: "you say that as though you know its already going to happen." Ryan, smugly: "hmmmmm."

They discuss how Google does his best taking stocks as early as possible, when he's fighting from a position where he doesn't have to be afraid to commit to an action, and so if Prism can survive until Google starts getting nervous, she can win. Prism has advantage on the second match stage, and makes quick work to combo him to death, dragging him down to last stock before she even has 50% on her second. Google is trying So hard to spike her and its not working. Prism baits google offstage at just the wrong time and he SDs, using up his jumps and upsmash trying to make it back up to the stage as it moves upwards away from them, Prism's squirtle able to make it back where he can't. The prophesied third round comes and Prism keeps firm control of the stage, losing one stock but taking all three of google's, the last stock with a vicious spike to match the one Google landed on her in their first match, sending Google to Loser's.

Alabaster vs. Red Shadow. Commentators comment on the big color theme going on at the moment. Ryan: "fortunately none of them are crimson specifically." Comona: "just regular ol red." Ryan: "just normal red. crimson is gone." lol. lmao. yeah he sure is

This match is so silly-goofy. Red Shadow a pride and joy of team cones with regard to getting funny with it. Goes stock for stock, until the Red Shadow dominates the last stock with a viciousness. Hes getting silly with it but he still doesn't want to lose to Al. Game 2 Alabaster is taking things more seriously too, the commentators plead with him to remeber who he is, to not lose sight of it, and hes doing good, aaaaaand he sds right on time for it to be a last stock situation. and then shortly after Al chokes again. Ryan: "now he's gonna have to fight Google in losers, thats not gonna be fun for him!" Lives are about to be changed 👍

Team Clutch and Team Cones are described as having an interesting specific sort of rivalry- Salt of the Earth training buffs and tricksy bitches.

The Gruuuuuunk vs. Patchman. Patchman is going to lose and the commentators know it. Grunk takes round one as predicted. Patchman did better than expected but the grunk cant be stopped. Patch manages to take first stock in the second round but, as predicted, the Grunk aint losing this one.

'Miles Edgeworth' vs. Instajennifer. Weird ass matchup. Commentators have nothing to say about it its weird. The commentators DO comment on how odd Miles' general willingness to scrap is. Comona comments on how weird it is that 'Edgeworth's' using some sword from the evidence room. Ryan points out how illegal that is "but its fine." Instajen is parrying for the clout. She was in the lead for a wild amount of time before 'miles' took it. Instajen's taunts are tiktok dances. 'Miles' is being Cruel in the second round. I do not know how jen took round 2 but it did piss 'edgeworth' off enough to threestock in round 3. Instajennifer #autopsyreport

Ryan: "I dont know if we're gonna have a fun character arc this week like we did last but we've got plenty of fun matches on hand regardless." He says during a break, immediately before Google vs Alabaster,

Google, a creation made to be perfect but already in losers bracket vs Alabaster, a guy who's never made it past 5th place but intends to make a name for himself regardless. Comona and Ryan discuss the idea of doing a 'worst of the worst' tournament featuring the most shameful, embarrassingly bad fighters immediately after introducing Al. Mean to him. Not wrong but mean to him. Anyway theres no faith in Al's chances against goog. Goog's peeved and has something to Prove. This desperateness to prove himself makes him easier to rattle, and Al does pretty damn good right up until google fucking Gets him at the end.

Comona says what ive been thinking since season one and forgot they said, that being. Again. Al is very strong hes just not up to par with insane battle freaks. Hes yamcha or tien or krillin hes good! Hes good as fuck! he just cant fucking keep up with superhumans! Hes a star member of team clutch not for his record, but for his spirit. Al takes stock one in round 2 with Pinball Variation. They're trading blows and it's all very anime. Al keeps a lead for a while in the second match until Google pinballs his ass right back and then takes his last stock at 200%.

Field report: Al laughs off his loss with a respectful thumbs up and starts to walks away. Google: "I don't GET IT. You always come back for more despite the fact you've never put up a performance befitting that of a competitor- what brings you BACK, alabaster uppercut?" Alabaster: "take a look around, google. Take a look around this great world we live in. Maybe then you'll see why I keep coming back." iconic moments in kerfuffle history. Comona's goog voice is so funny its so growly and anime-arrogant compared to what Holly does with him later that sticks, the whole 'a bit odd and softspoken but fiery' vibe he gets later

Google, starting to have his identity crisis: "do you think i was born yesterday?! I mean, it was last week, technically…" and then gets real quiet.

Patchman vs Instajen. Comona anticipates a long set. CPUK provides coca cola as refreshments to workers like the social media interns who are not allowed to leave their desk while a tournaments running. and if you want pepsi theyre giving you coke and you have to be okay with that. you have to. Patchman is described as one of the more particularly intelligent salt of the earth types here

Patchman dominates a bit first match but, instajen, always dedicated to style, after taking patch's first stock, almost zero-to-death's the second. Doesn't pull out a win though. Ryan: "I will point out that in this tournament every fighter except Alabaster Uppercut has won a game. F." Second match is pretty close and goes to instajen with a decisive stomp Ryan says her stans would be envious of. Third match goes pretty similar, sending patchman home downtrod and disappointed.

Corn is an instajen stan. and freaked out about her dad getting to meet her in bracket. funny to me.

Prism vs. The Red Shadow. :) prism is built different and is not intimidated by some romhack'd red greninja. Red shadow canonically laughs like tim curry pennywise. Prism fights vicious and red shadow struggles hard to find a kill. Prism wins match one and she's white woman smiling at a glaring Red Shadow. The Red Shadow is 3-stocked on Dracula's Castle and becomes The Prismatic Shadow, after Prism has a little conversation with him :)

Ryan: "he's joined the prism club." Comona: "yeah, prism has that effect on people. I wonder if this means he'll- not FULLY take a step back from, still team cones, right-? But try to keep the prankster mischief to more of the tactical use rather than trying to be tricky at every turn." Ryan: "less about being unexpected, and more about being unexpected EFFECTIVELY." Comona: "when you can expect the unexpected its not really unexpected anymore." :)

The Grunk vs. 'Miles Edgeworth!' Pikachu weight. Goes very very close, but the grunk keeps a strong lead until last stock of the first match where 'Miles' takes it. 'Miles Edgeworth' lives in northern crater. Ryan: "where was this sauce when we actually introduced sephiroth?" Comona: "maybe its because its red sephiroth?" Ryan: "maybe. its that crimson magic*. *not actual crimson." Next match progresses much more evenly, with miles taking the lead at stock two. The Grunk pulls out the win in the end though, as predicted, and does so for the last match as well.

Chat Member: "Miles was the prosecutor in the Grunk's murder trial before he got revived and he's salty because he didn't get paid because the trial was canceled when The Grunk came back." The commentators laugh and roll with it, canonizing it. Ryan: "and the defendant was just an interdimensional demon! Whatever." Okay I just want to pick this scenario apart for a second because holy god its so. Its just so. Every time i remember this and that the Grunk's death was an accident i lose it all over again. Captain Crimson just standing over the Grunk's crimson-melted corpse while Val and Crimson do that one scene from one tree hill people animate their morally bankrupt ocs to (crimson, realizing uncomfortably its taking a weirdly long time for the grunk to arise anew as a Cool Evil Corrupted Beast: "well. I guess he could be dead by now." While Valentine panics about a body in a soundstage, HIS SOUNDSTAGE,) in his head. Captain Crimson got dragged into detention and might've plead oopsie daisies. The Grunk presumably canceled his own murder trial and pursued no other charges??? Valentine is the only person in this scenario probably having a relatively normal emotional reaction to being made an accomplice to manslaughter because this whole thing is a goof and a bit. Valentine brings up very pointedly the grunk's own murder charges in cpuk23, presumably either shortly before or after learning they're all fictional characters given its around this time he starts more officially becoming a full part of staff and not just an event emcee, and is understandably Fucking Stunned by Grunk's 'wheres my trophy?' response. Crimson, who has known this is comedic fiction the whole time but doesn't tell anyone that because it would be 'more trouble than its worth', as of CPUK Orange, does not appear to understand why his manslaughter accomplice doesnt want to hang out anymore when he's like, pretty sure there were no LASTING consequences. its all, just SO MUCH,

'Miles edgeworth' vs. Google. Ryan: "imagine trying to sue google." Googles described as having kind of an introspective air about him, thinking on his conversation with Al. Google SD's first stock, and never quite gets the momentum going enough to manage more than one kill, 'miles' capitalizing on his distraction. Comona: "somethings fried his circuits a bit." Ryan: "somethings Up with google." Comona: "definitely not feeling the same as he was at the start."

Miles is taunting him. "Fool. You consider yourself to be an antagonary force? You're such a fool to think so- you don't even have the power to take down someone like myself! After all, who else have you lost against- that Prism fellow? Please. If you wish to be an antagonist, and see the world as truly dark, you have so much to go. Dr. Order created you to be the perfect being- and look at you. You're nothing. Trash." Google: "Listen… here, 'Miles.' I was made to be the Ultimate Fighter. I was made to win. But now I'm realizing- theres more to this than winning, theres more to this than kicking your ass! But thats not going to stop me!" And round 2 commences.

Comona: "are we even sure this is miles edgeworth-? I know he can be cold but-" this thought is interrupted by some Sick Plays. 'Miles' does some serious damage to goog, but goog takes first stock and Fast. 'Miles' takes it right back. Goog is getting fiery and 'Miles' stays cool under pressure. Ryan and Comona describe how quickly Goog's flipped from antagonism in his match with Al to more antiheroic behavior. The match is fast and frenetic and Google just barely survives offstage and manages to take 'Miles' last stock. 'Miles': "Finally acting like the competitor you're supposed to be." Goog is silent. They go to warioware. Goog demolishes the first stock. Miles Edgeworth has a bad history with elevators. Goog keeps a firm two-stock lead and completes the win. 'Miles,' after losing, pulls out a phone: "Doctor? The deed is done." And walks out.

Miles picked that stage. Miles Edgeworth Would Never Set Foot In An Elevator. Thats Not Edgeworth. Thats just sephiroth with a red coat.

Google shows a 'return to form' with that match, by the commentators observation.

Prismatic Shadow vs. Instajen. If instajen wins shes gotten farther than the person who three-stocked her. Instajen fumbles round one hard and shadow takes it. Instajen zero to deaths shadow for the first stock of round 2. Instajen's the kind of person that doesn't take flops hard, Instajen: "just make another post girl. Just make another post." Instajen pulls out a win for round two, taking it to game 3.

FUCK spectrum. Commentators are venting about the internet provider. Comona: "the only spectrum I care about is the spectrum of colors these fighters bring to the stage. Round three!" The shadow drops stocks way too early, and ultimately Jen takes it.

Prism vs. The Gruuuuuuunk, winners finals. The connection starts getting Crunchy and Prism loses her first stock Very early. Grunk bodyblocks her off the ledge to take stocks twice, and the third Prism loses all on her own as frames continue to drop. A chat member suggests shes throwing on purpose because she wants to meet Instajennifer in losers. Second Round is on Prism Tower, PURE homecourt pick, but to the Grunk, Everywhere is home, and it doesnt take long before he crushes Prism's first stock. Prism takes the lead before last stock, but again as the frames are dropping, she fails to recover. She do be performing worse when the connection is weak. 15 is sliced into two vods due to technical difficulties.

Ryan: "spectrum iiiis dead. im killing spectrum personally, actually. Spectrum is the final boss of CPU Kerfuffle. The crimson is spectrum." All of these statements are hilarious in their own ways with time

Google vs. Instajennifer! Insta fumbles round one pretty hard. Ryan: "round one goes to google in a heartbeat of a match! I dont know what that means." Chat suggests the stage was bad for jen because it was a bad environment for selfies and such. Round 2 gets off to a better start for Jen, the two of them dancing around eachother and Jen landing her smash attacks much better, and this match looks considerably more even, but goog still takes it, beating Insta 2-0. She takes one more selfie in front of the stadium and makes her exit.

Goog vs. Prism- the runback. Google doesn't do too hot against Prism's charizard in particular, losing two stocks before taking one of hers. Google's so off his game at this point and cannot seem to find an opening against her. Prism seems to favor her Charizard, Fuschia, somewhat, throwing out flare blitzes like candy, taking first match. Goog's composure between his and Prism's first set and the runback has changed dramatically- the first angry, standoffish, but this time, he's laughing off his loss. Chat Member: "hes reading the results page for how to beat Prism."

Prism keeps a lead on Goog throughout their second match as well. Ryan: "if im google, im going in on this second match. Granted, I'm not Google. Maybe he knows something I dont." :)

Google, slowly standing up after getting 2-0'd by Prism: "...huh. Thanks Alabaster." And he walks out. Ryan: "not sure how well thats gonna go over with Dr. Order, but I guess we'll see."

Grand Finals! Grunk vs. Prism again. Ryan points out how hard Prism threw in their last match, so anything's possible here. He suggests that maybe the reason she threw was wanting to see google again for some reason, but he's not sure. She sure did take both his sets.

Squid Jenny's investigation of 'miles edgeworth's' identity is still ongoing, but its looking like he IS in fact sephiroth from sephiroth- and while saying this ryan gets a dm from sephiroth asking if there's a purpose for followers only chat.

Grunk and Prism on Pictochat, Prism loses first stock before the Grunk even has 40% and Prism's Ivysaur comes charging out in defense of their funny turtle friend. Perhaps Prism's pokemon do have personalities and feelings and such; she just ignores them because they're tools and extensions of her as a fighter. Would make sense. Prism manages to put damage on the grunk fast enough to take his first stock before he puts much on her second, but the Grunk takes her second stock with a viciousness and her third with a footstool.

Thank you Sephiroth For The Follow!

Round 2: Pokemon Stadium. Funny lizart fight. Grunk SDs, but takes Prism's first stock right back pretty quickly. They scrap, Fuschia and Grunk fuckin. Beam struggle with their fire breath before Prism finishes Grunk's second stock with a flare blitz. Last stock is pretty even right up until Prism pulls out Viridian and Grunk sends her straight to hell. The Grunk is our First Place Winner of CPUK 15! The Grunk's feeling the thrill for combat is extra special now after he spent a bit being dead. The Grunk only lost one match the whole tournament to miles. came back Strong.

Title Match! Ryan: "imagine dying and coming back just to become champion. Absolute zombie madman. Love him." Grunk vs. Captain Valentine! All things considered? Pretty awkward. There is no comment made on it before match start, however. Capn Val always a people pleaser, keeps it stylish, keeps it even, keeps it a show. Ryan: "I wonder if Captain Valentine's ever faced the Grunk- back when he was Captain Crimson, I know, but I wonder if any of those memories were retained from the experience." Does that happen? Does getting possessed by Crimson fuck with your memory? Do crimson'd bitches got partial amnesia? It doesn't seem like it with his other hosts, and Val's characterized later as just. Really Not Wanting To Talk About It with regard to the whole Crimson debacle so it honestly wouldnt stun me if he lied about not having much memory of the whole ordeal to. Again. Avoid Talking About It.

Last stock situation. Chat: "Wasn't Val kinda the one to kill him?" Ryan: "well, it was the crimson specifically, not sure if he was the one it was possessing at the time but it was, again, the Crimson specifically." Huh. I guess mayhaps Val Could've been the one in control of his body when appraising the potential candidates for moving forward with the distaste for ICEE and Dadondorf, while Crimson himself was off elsewhere doing a Corruption, in theory. when he's not in crimsonaut specifically and healthy enough to manifest physically he Can operate separate from a host, after all. Buuuuuut, the Grunk seems to be not particularly happy with or fond of Val- described as being particularly irritated with his loss to Val in this championship match but walking off reminding himself that 'at least hes not Dead this time,' which i think is. Strong enough evidence for me that Val was Physically Present for and Part Of that interaction. oofa doofa

After a chat member asks Ryan to stall for time while they finish their fanart, ryan pulls up a grudge match he'd meant to do earlier and forgotten- Outside the arena. Squid Jenny's catching a live feed. Google shouts for someone to come out, because he knows they're watching. And, out from a bush, Dr. Order appears. Order, who apparently either wasn't watching or is checking to see if he'll lie: "so. did you succeed?" Google, laughing: "you think it's all about winning, huh?" Order: "you were supposed to win the tournament and become the champion." Google: "yeah, well, I didn't. What the hell are you gonna do about it?" And so the match begins. Order takes first stock and Fast, but google puts on damage real fast too, uppercutting her AND sending her soccer ball back at her at the same time for a very funny series of hits. funny ball classic.

Goog takes her second stock before she can take his, but she takes it to even last stocks shortly after, but Order cant put damage on as fast as goog does and takes it. Google: "I'm done with you." Order: "Good! I don't want losers on my side." And the live feed cuts. Ryan: "soooooo. Google might need therapy. But that's okay, that's what therapuppy's for."

Its gaiden time bitch!!!! This ones gonna be fuuuuuun to make notes for what with the whole point of Gaidens being expanding on The Lore.

Order offered Comona a pastrami bagel sandwich from the 'concession stand' (the fridge.) Ryan Does Not Trust The Food Here. They're recording live from the labordertory for, not a kerfuffle proper, but an inhouse tournament. The commentators were invited both to keep things entertaining, and show off her fearsome creations to the world.

Ryan: "Dr. Order's got one goal- well, a lot of goals but the main thing right now is that she wants to create the ultimate fighter, a being capable of winning CPU Kerfuffle." 16 person single elimination tournament, because Order's got a lot of bastards to evaluate and she doesn't tolerate losers. She wouldn't let her champion be someone who'd proven themself capable of failing.

Order, in order to set up this tournament, set off a 'biological amber alert,' placed in every one of her creations' bodies that recalls them to the lab. Ryan: "not ALL of the creations answered the call to come back- if you recall google from last tournament, he isn't here- but there are other creations who didn't bother to come back due to, y'know, just general dislike." This is one of those little lore bits thats so fucked up. So fucked up. Dr. Order can and will just ping a fucker's brain. Imagine being traumatized by a fucked up science lady and finding out she can just ping your Fucking Brain whenever she wants. No ignoring her! No pretending she can't hurt you anymore! She's in your Fucking Brain Now! Between this and things like the nccts' remotely triggered perfect spriteman transformation and Larry and J0hn's whole Bit. 'someone has done something to your body. A violation. A permanent damage. You might have agreed to it in theory, you might not have, but it doesn't matter. it wasn't supposed to be like this, and either way, things will never be the same. you don't have the same control over it anymore. All you can do is manage what comes in the aftermath.' hits. sci-fi flavored medical malpractice trauma

Also between this ping system and Quad's fucking bio-signature radar shit for finding her that led him to susan (which her other creations potentially also have, assuming theyre not One And The Same Function, given Larry's vague comment of 'also getting the vibes' from Susan when Quad and the tests came back positive for a match, the arrogance is on full display. Woman with SO many experiments that hate her: 'i will give them all an innate radar for finding their all-important creator. Surely they will not ultimately unionize and kill me' its more shocking that they mostly didnt than if they would have. Im not even ten minutes into this episode,

First up- the Dimensional Bus. Jay usually takes it to get here for commentating, being from another dimension and all, but he's not here because the bus is busy with this. Chat member: "is this just the magic school bus?" Ryan: "kind of, it is a living, breathing bus, except this one can go between dimensions while that one could only really go through Arnold."

Returning fighter, Dan in his miserable new job as a lab assistant! Allegedly got fired from his ICEE job because he uppercutted an ICEE machine and busted it, so now hes here. People's champ!

Another returning fighter and fan favorite, Machiavelli! He was excited for this! His first tournament was so fun!!! He's excited for this!

Mach 2! A supposed evolution upon Machiavelli's floorplan, created as a backup in case Machiavelli ever defected, and, due to this and how beloved Machi is, (and by design, as we later learn when CPUK Orange rolls around,) Mach 2 has developed a bit of an inferiority complex and intends to prove himself the better of the two. According to the submission, not exactly a clone of machiavelli, but made from the same core genetic base but with alterations, taking loose inspiration for the shape of him somewhat from Machi's friendship with genfour, previously genwun, hence the pokemon-ish appearance. I think Mach 2 brought this up in 23, i don't remember the exact words but I recall him taking offense to the label of Clone and going 'im not a clone! Im not a clone! I read my file Im Not A Clone!'

Perfect Spriteman! The commentators were surprised to learn Spriteman's new and dreadful form had been the Doctor's doing. He has been a plant for months please god someone help him

Winston Overwatch fell from the moon and got taken in by Dr. Order in exchange for his collaboration and Winston's fine with this as long as he gets some ankles out of the deal. Winston, audibly smiling: "Im only going to be using my ultimate in this game! Because Im Mad As Fuck!" His guns and such are not allowed in the lab because Dr. O doesn't trust him not to break anything.

Google Plus. She just made another one. partly out of spite, partly just to even her roster back out after his defection, with what she deemed Google's biggest flaws removed. 'It doesnt feel, think, or grow- just a series of if-then statements that does nothing of its own volition.' Ryan: "I think Order's goal here is to just. Not get the shit beaten out of her by a web browser anime boy gijinka this time." Comona: "never again." Ryan: "I mean. We'll see what happens."

Hackerbot J0hn! Ryan talks about j0hn like a fully robotic, fully artificial guy who can just disguise as being realistically human if so desired for much of this episode, although this is later determined not to be the case. Dr. Order's primary goal in modifying john was apparently exactly what was technically achieved- to create a machine that appears human in every way- finding means of emulating emotion and appearance and everything through machinery- and is capable of modifying and improving upon itself. she just apparently achieved this by extensively cyborg-ing a hacker and roboticist who already knew how to do that stuff to other robots. with ryan later implying she did very little to ensure his survival of the process of getting cyborg'd, and how her creations keep wising up and ditching her, boy howdy j0hn really was just a trial run in every way for her. She was a total lamo to j0hn's entire body indeed. With how much monitoring she did of all her creations and the tournament overall, I wonder if she ever attempted to plagiarize any of j0hn's self-modification or did he and larry rip the spyware type shit out of themselves first and foremost. Could larry even safely remove that stuff given hes much more uh. Flesh-y? questions questions questions.

Anyway. j0hn can in fact switch freely between -bot and -man form without issue so again, the sweating and discomfort described from his intro ep switch is Interesting, especially considering other instances of what can be retroactively ascribed to some level of script-awareness.

My Grunk! Its zombie! Mean-spirited parody of Home's revival of the grunk. Comona: "not only poorly executed, but tasteless!" Ryan: "yeah, dr. order, wheres your ethics? Your Hip Of Cratic Oath?"

Subzero Amalgam- this one was just order fucking around. She was curious about the experience of sustained extreme cold, and so she made a guy who is always extremely fucking cold. She, apparently, just found other uses for him and his nature later. Its interesting to me that subzero is one of the doctors' only creations that remains loyal to her and probably the only one that remained loyal that isn't being naive as of the nccts and is also one of the only ones that wasn't made with a particularly restrictive goal in mind- he was made to be cold. Hes cold. Hes succeeded by nature of birth and cannot fail her because that was all he was meant for in the first place, everything else is just a bonus.

The Carrot Collective! Was supposed to be an olimar. lol. According to the submission information, a psychic hivemind of carrots grown by patch farms in collaboration with Dr. Order. Each individual body's life is very short, but more sprout up to replace them and the collective mind lives on unaffected. The fighter bodies we see are little mechas the carrots pilot for smash purposes because its difficult to have a traditional and fair 3-stock game against an army of regeneratively immortal psychic carrots. Likes to be called C.C. for short.

Crimsonaut. Little guy!!! Beloved!!! Dr. Order launched this little dude into The Crimson (location) to research it's nature and he came back from that little expedition Perfectly Fine, aside from some very permanently dyed gear. Totally uncontaminated otherwise, he was carefully screened upon his return. (lol. lmao.) Does have a bit of a personal bone to pick with the doctor due to the overall inhumane and scary nature of said forced research trip, though. The carrots like him, so some of them have a tendency to follow him around too.

Zapmouse! Angy rat that hates the doctor so so so much. so so so so so so so much. Dr. Order subjected him to Fuckt Up Experimence and he showed up to the tournament looking for an opportunity for revenge.

Nuke Suit! Somewhat unstable robot suit powered thoroughly by nuclear energy.

Recon Riley! Dr. Order's intel specialist, modified for stealth and acting as her spy on kerfuffle since the tournaments started. If Dr. O needed to know something about any given fighter, Riley's on the job. Genderfluid and uses any pronouns interchangeably.

There was one last open position that the doctor expected someone to arrive to fill- specifically Not google- but they never showed up, and so Sephiroth stepped into that empty placement in the Doctor's tournament. Think the implication with the twist grudge match at the end of this gaiden is that this spot was meant for Larry.

Dr. Order and Sephiroth fight for the exhibition. Sephiroth takes the win as expected.

First match- My Grunk vs. The Carrot Collective! Ryan: "I think Dr. Order's operating on a misled hypothesis- I think she thinks what's made The Grunk so strong is being brought back from the dead, but i think its more complicated than that. the grunk has a spirit that doesn't really… translate. My Grunk is very Zombielike. No life in him. No spirit. Now the carrot collective? I see spirit there." funny

My Grunk struggles with KOs, a single carrot surviving to almost 200% on first stock. Ryan: "My Grunk being this archetype of character requires a lot of micromanaging and planning the original grunk was not slowed down by. The Grunk was not and did not need to be… cunning." Comona: "theres a difference between a natural raw fighting instinct and battling with a spartan mind. and the grunk is not the latter." The match keeps close, but the carrots take it. Ryan has to fix the overlay and almost accidentally puts captain crimson in trying to put up the carrots. Comona: "that man is never allowed back in here again. That man is banned. From Life, even."

Chat member: "dr. order is just recording everything you guys say commentating, are y'all like… okay with that?" Ryan: "shes been monitoring everything thus far already and she hasn't gotten anything from our commentating so far, I don't see what difference it makes." Comona: "we broadcast on public channels, the information's already out there regardless." Ryan: "its about as much our fault as anybody's." sure bud.

Grunk WOULD play minceraft. But not hardcore mode he'd last all of seven minutes

My Grunk manages to take it to a game 3, munching on some nerfed meat. Comona: "NEVER NERF GRUNK'S MEAT!" Ryan: "I had a bit of discussion with Dr. Order about the Carrot Collective- we dont know a lot about these fighters, a lot of these guys are new- and while my grunk is pretty self-explanatory, just kind of mindless, yknow, like a zombie, Carrot Collective actually, is a collaborative effort with patch farms and is a relative to Corn on the Cob and the like." Comona: "I like that, its nice." Ryan: "just a nice little happy family!"

The carrots have a very funny SD and do not successfully climb out of the deficit it puts them in, and theyre first out of the tournament to the commentators and chat's disappointment. Dr. Order mentions disinterestedly the Collective's interest in joining up with Team Craken, so its not like they're going away. Ryan almost gave the win to the carrots by accident and the commentators reassure us that they would Never alter the results of a tournament in their own interest because theyre a respectable, upstanding establishment. Somewhere plum sneezes

Round 2, the unstable nuclear suit, vs. Machiavelli! Comona: "a lot of people arent gonna want to fight that, theyre gonna be like 'oh no, i dont know, what if something goes wrong-' Machiavelli does not care about that." Ryan: "Machiavelli's here to have a good time even if that means endangering everyone." Machiavelli LOVES to smash nuclear weaponry with comically oversized looney tunes mallet

Nuke suit was designed for anti-air capabilities and Machi loves to float, so round one is mostly a learning experience. I wonder how, with how order is, that Machi's so thoroughly decided 'fighting is for having fun and playing <3' moreso than winning. particularly in ncct 1 that interaction where they excitedly say they think larry's closer to the ultimate fighter because he's so versatile, 'shifty all the time!' even though he lost, and all.

Machi does a silly little happy dance when he takes nuke suits second stock in the second match. Machi's playing baseballs with Rockets. Machi, lets nuke suit take it to last stock for fun, for the Excitement, and eats a 2-0 for it. Nuke suit moves on. Order doesnt particularly react to this, just keeping a close eye on the nuke suit's instability. Machi and the Carrots leave to hang out in the lab's breakroom.

Zapmouse vs Winston Overwatch. A haunted rat in a haunted lab, seeking the most violent sort of revenge… and a funny monkey also. Winston wants to use zapmouse like a gun and zapmouse is Not Having It. Zapmouse plays careful and smart and gets a solid damage lead at the start in the first match but unfortunately, his opponent is A Fucking Gorilla. Zapmouse prevents a 3 stock but Winston wins handily. Winston has made an enemy today. Second match is much more even. Zapmouse loves zapping people off ledges. Winston swats him like a fly for last stock, winning 2-0. Zapmouse wanders off snarling.

Sephiroth taking the absentee spot and subzero amalgam is introed with Hey Ya- WHATS COOLER, THAN BEING COOL. Ryan: "so, we dont really know much about subzero amalgam personality-wise, but we do know subzero was only made to make a guy that knows what itd be like to be very very cold. So judging from that I cant imagine subzero's a very big fan of doctor order." Comona: "Subzero's actually so cold, its vocal box doesn't work properly, so it all just comes out as beeps. If Subzero was able to be warmer he would sound like a relatively normal man." nccts said 'lol. lmao. subzero's actually one of her only creations thats loyal to her still and is probably one of the most eloquent of them all when those beeps are translated <3'

Puzz asks in chat if subzero amalgam has any connection to ICEE and ryan says ICEE might be willing to eat him if you artificially flavored him. if he weren't sentient making that effectively cannibalism, of course. but there's no connection. awesome

Commentators keep ascribing a deathwish to subzero due to the horrors of being cruelly made just to be so very VERY cold. Subzero loses and Ryan says subzero's mostly just upset he isn't dead yet. Also that Subzero and Zapmouse are suffering buddies. Subzero left pretty much immediately after losing 2-0 to sephiroth, wandering off for whatever reason.

Spriteman vs. Hackerbot J0hn! Comona praises J0hn and Spriteman's professionalism, and Ryan says the report from the field is that J0hn will swap back to human form if bot form proves disadvantageous. It proves disadvantageous. Perfect Spriteman is vicious and playing honest with the projectiles is NOT helping, and Bot form is going in his pocket for now as we get a scene, heard through the Copious Amount of Recording Equipment in the lab, Because the Dr. Is A Freak About It. J0hn: "you… you bastard. You used to be just like me- what happened? Why did you abandon who you were?" Perfect Spriteman, trying to speak and failing: "sprite… sprite…" J0hn, clearly disturbed: "....what the Fuck? Okay??? Alright??? I mean I went with this form because I was expecting a pushover, but maybe I was wrong. Let's do this motherfucker."

Comona speculates Dr. Order doesn't really like or want J0hn hanging around the lab in -Man form because that hacking sword is Worrying for her. Also suggests J0hn can hack opponent's minds to read for what they're going to try next, which... thats an application of script awareness/sensitivity ive wondered about before- if you can read the script and someone's current thoughts are important enough to get logged in it wouldnt that make you effectively Slightly, Incidentally capable of reading minds, if only usually for the Narratively Important ™️ bits, and communication over the script in a telepathy-like form is smthn that happens a few times during the nccts between people capable of percieving and manipulating it, particularly cosmic with the other non-cobalt gods. Certain workings of the script appearing to function like supernatural psychic phenomena to the unknowing eye. Chartreuse and Crimson have had unsecured script-based twin telepathy and known they were fictional characters since they were like. born probably. and just. never directly told or explained any of this to cobalt ever and still havent. Im rambling this tangent's barely relevant to the gaiden at hand

J0hn takes first stock with an effective usage of glass cannon protocol (smash art.) Sprite is dissolving the plant's brain and he is playing DUMB this match, j0hn taking it to a round 3.

Perfect Spriteman is just gasping and sputtering 'sp-sprite…' and J0hn looks on. "Jesus Christ, what'd Doctor Order do to you…? Looks like I gotta get you back to the way you used to be, my man." Ryan sets the rule as: if J0hn wins with two stocks or more, spriteman will be cured. J0hn is decidedly doing considerably better in -man form, but alas Spriteman is still a vicious battle freak. J0hn, after losing: "wish the best for ya, my man. If you ever feel like coming back to reality, I'll be right here for ya."

Crimsonaut vs Google Plus! Crimsonaut described as being of a nervous disposition, but again, Ticked Off about Dr. Order abandoning him in an alternate evil dimension that he 'barely made it out of with his life' and Google Plus as not really… having a personality yet. Just if/then statements. Crimsonaut, to Dr. Order and about Google Plus: "I want to destroy you, and everything you stand for, and I'll start with your little pet project here!" Considering the slimey hiss of a voice Comona gives him here and how Crimsonaut stands guard during the raid and how Crimson attempted a coup in the bad timeline and calls the doctor a freak when orange rolls around this bit is fun. This bit is fun.

Their first match has Plus in the lead to start with, but Crimsonaut evens out the damage and although plus takes first stock, Crimsonaut takes them back to even shortly after. However, an unfortunate offstage fumble Plus takes advantage of costs the little man an early second stock, Plus having a little throwback to Bing in terms of enjoying those offstage dunks. Crimsonaut takes it to a close last stock anyway with a lot of careful play, but Plus takes it. Ryan: "Crimsonaut's been working with the Doctor for a long time. if you trust a guy to take your stuff into a different dimension you probably trust them with a lot- he's probably been familiar with her if/then programming pretty long, granted he's been away for a while now, but he still knows her style."

Crimsonaut embarrassingly early first stock in round 2 😔 but crimsonauts got good momentum and puts enough damage on fast enough to even things out again. Plus appears to begin… malfunctioning somewhat. Having some weird reactions intermittently. The match goes down to last stock, evenly high damage playing ledge games until Plus throws out an illogical move that Works, taking Crimsonaut's last stock and winning 2-0. Comona: "i hate to bring this up, but… d'ya think google's gotten into Google Plus's head? That didnt seem like an if/then scenario." Ryan describes Dr. Order looking worried about the situation unfolding and covering the window she's watching the combat from when she noticed him looking. Ryan looks at Orders cybersecurity monitoring setup and can't See any outside influence causing the apparent disruption, but he's not sure, they'll have to wait and see. Comona describes how if they were Order, they'd be keeping a close eye on their creations because yet another rogue element could be dangerous for her.

The Dimensional Bus who abandoned Jay at the station, vs Mach 2! Mach 2 is mentally locked on doing better than his predecessor, who got out round one, by taking this chance and kicking the bus's ass. The Dimensional Bus was with Crimsonaut when they ventured into the Crimson and made it out just fine. Unclear if this means the Bus was stranded with Crimsonaut and came back with him or ditched him there by himself at some point to return to its job of ferrying people between worlds, but the latter seems more likely as it sounds like Crimsonaut only got back really recently and the bus was In Use in previous episodes. The Bus was also thoroughly screened for Crimson contamination and came back clean, but considering Crimsonaut smuggled Crimson in unnoticed through the same screening process, the only reason I trust that is because Dan beats the hell out of the Bus later and not a thing comes of it crimson-ways.

Mach 2 takes round one, but in round 2 as the commentators completely fail to pay attention to the match discussing music tastes instead, he does markedly worse, feeling even more inferior that the people being paid to be here to commentate on his fight could not give a shit less because theyre more concerned with talking about Nickelback. Pour one out for Mach 2's round 2, run over by the vengabus.

Round 3 opens STRONG with mach 2 footstooling the bus into a pit, but the bus takes mach 2's first stock and pineapples him for the second, creating a reversal of the lead that mach 2 cannot climb out of the pit of. Mach 2's absolute nightmare scenario. He loses.

Mach 2, very upset, calls out Machi to come settle a score. Machi: "Okay! :D" its grudge match time! Comona: "I know this is probably a fairly even match but i can't help but get like, yamcha vs. the saibamen vibes." Ryan: "yeah, mach 2's about to get yamcha'd." Chat member: "vegeta level complex, yamcha level winstreak." The match IS actually quite even, although Machi keeps at least a small lead the whole time. Machi, in his littol baby voice as he closes last stock: "nothing personal, Mach 2!" and teleports behind him kicking him into the blast zone. Mach 2 is left facedown in a crater yamcha posed while Machi gives his limp, motionless body a hug before walking off.

Chat member asks if mach 2's like, actually dead and ryan clarifies no, he doesn't like killing off characters for anything less than big stakes and even then he brought the grunk back, they didnt even kill crimson really, just banished him. Chat Member: "except light pit." Ryan: "oh SHIT i forgot, light pit DID get canonically killed by palutena."

Lab Intern Dan vs Recon Riley! Ryan intros Riley with a homestuck reference. Recon Riley is the ninja, the secret agent, the silent watcher thats so hard to come to terms with the presence of this whole time due to their skill in moving unnoticed and untouched. Dan and Riley are both employees here, but Riley's the one with the status, that actually gets to sit at the meetings that Dan brings coffee to. Comona: "Dan's not an avaricious man, but he probably thinks 'man, it'd be cool to be the one that gets a seat at the table.'" Riley is stated to be genderfluid here because Ryan noticed he was playing fast and loose with the pronouns in regard to them so hes deciding thats because she uses any/all of 'em.

Despite TWO self-destructs from fumbled kill attempts, Dan takes Riley to last stock, and then he SDs again. dan's said to put so much time into 9-5ing that he has almost no time for doing or practicing things he actually enjoys. Feel that buddy 😔 Riley's only real combat strength is being a mosquito. Being fast and hard to hit and unmerciful. But that wont help when dan has the Giant Fist. Get uppercut'd nerd its game 3 time. After that uppercut kill dan's feeling CONFIDENT and he gets out to a strong strong lead. As things go to last stock and dan has a dramatic damage lead, Riley's only beginning to panic about losing to the rank and file employee right as its about to happen, and Dan socks riley with a jab for last stock

My Grunk vs Nuke Suit! Comona praises that nuke suit is just a learning combat ai suit with no sentience at all whatsoever and that's what Dr. Order's stuff works best as. Ryan reminds that Nuke Suit is potentially very dangerous due to its nuclear nature, and also compares its robotic nature to Google Plus's. First match between these two- if you get distracted for even a moment you will miss nuke suit losing its first two stocks. My Grunk takes it. Nuke Suit shifts to what the commentators call an 'unstable form.' Ryan: "my grunk? Sweetie? Be Careful."

My Grunk, immediately: (makes a dick shaped dirt sculpture between bullying nuke suit with fire, trying to blow it up with dynamite and taking apart a plane with his bare hands)

Commentators start considering evacuating the building before getting messaged by J0hn that they can relax, nothings gonna blow up the nuke suit's full of shit. He was monitoring the situation and it was just in Intimidation Mode, using the appearance of instability to try to get an edge in combat by making its opponent panic. Dr. Order: bad person, interesting ideas!

Sephiroth vs Winston Overwatch. Sephiroth hates this fucking ape and wants to prove he can get further than midway into a tournament. Winston yeets sephiroth's twink ass like an empty can for the first stock and its VERY funny. Most of this first game is vine jokes, match commentary and very silly kills. Funny Monkey GETS him. Round 2 is more in sephiroth's favor, and a lot of the commentators begging for winston to fucking GET him with the funny donkey punch in his very punchable face. Winston ALMOST reverse 3-stocks. but sephiroth HAD to rob us of it. Sephiroth: "how could you take me to my limit?!" Winston: "Hehe, hi there, im a funny monkey." Sephiroth, responding to the audience: "...how do they know… about the weights in my shirt?" And goes shirtless. Winston wonders what he'd look like with pink hair (due to a silly skin misclick), completely disengaged from the anime dramatics.

Sephiroth: "This Is More Of A Tits Out Kind Of Look." Chat Member: "sephiroth now weighs as much as a pichu." Winston overwatch sends him straight to hell with a stomp. Hell is said to be in paris but i think this is just ryan making an overwatch map joke in context. This being said it would be very funny. Sephiroth wins with his shirt off in an electrically close down to the wire match. Winston then immediately raids Dr. Order's breakroom for its stock of peanut butter and immediately dips. Ryan: "respect the grift, my man." Winston overwatch becomes accomplice to war criminal for some fucking peanut butter

Spriteman vs. Google Plus! Spriteman's still lost in that sauce called sprite. Perfect Spriteman takes advantage of Plus's general predictability to read him again and again. Google Plus is still behaving a bit erratically- possibly due to outside interference, possibly not, it's unclear yet, but it could be contributing to why Plus is losing here. Ryan: "both of these people are… very very damaged by Doctor Order and need to come to terms with it- Plus being entrenched in pure objectivism and Perfect Spriteman is just all about… obsession." I know what ryan Meant here but hearing 'Google Plus is into objectivism' took a year off my life never imply Plus reads ayn rand ever again even on accident please and thanks (lighthearted)

After losing to Spriteman and after certain weird aspects of his match with Crimsonaut, Plus questions the effectiveness of the if/then logic format he's been acting based on due to it returning inconsistent results despite being based on consistent reasoning, and decides to reformat his thought processes and seize control, 'becoming sentient' in his words. He just sort of decided "ok this isnt working perfectly 100% of the time. ergo clearly i have to be at least enough of a person to figure out what actually DOES work.' Doesnt make him do any better fighting perfect spriteman in though. Plus checks his database for what to do about failure, finds nothing, decides next action based on newly acquired 'sentience' and wipes both his queries and an unnamed External Force from mind and demands a battle with the Doctor.

Doctor Order's head is in her hands. She doesn't know why this keeps happening. (My money's on 'cant make a thing Detect spectrum if it cant understand what spectrum is at the baseline, that being art and connection, something that requires complex nonliteral thought and the ability to process communication and emotion to thoroughly get. Not to Philosophy of Art but elephants can slap abstract strokes of paint on a canvas and AI can recombine assets to make a new image but far as im concerned without communication and interpretation its not really anything grander than the blunt sum of its parts by itself, and while you can interpret both those examples if you feel like it you cant feel a communication of intent bc to an elephant the paintbrush might as well be a stick with mud on it thats fun to smear on things and to an ai its just data because it doesnt Think like we do. There isn't the same Artistic Intent in the action because it couldn't begin to process art the same way we do. We can make it art through interpretation but it was not created with intent of making art by what made it, even if the zookeepers and the users of the AI or the people who had their data scraped to train it had artful intentions, because art is a Human Thing, so there is something always just. Missing. anyway.) Plus is kicking her ass. Stop making animeboy web browsers. You only have yourself to blame doc.

There's the suggestion made in this episode that maybe there's something special about Bing thats lead to Goog and Plus's awareness, but honestly Especially in hindsight i don't buy it he's just a guy to me. No amount of Technique (nccts) can convince me otherwise. I think Bing could do that where Dani couldn't because he is simultaneously so relevant (by extension of goog and now dani) and irrelevant that he could both enter the void and not be claimed by it and no other reason. I think making him special is unnecessary and would be distracting, although he'd probably disagree with me. The idea that goog and mac have to be made from someone special to be special is rey palpatine logic to me

Comona: "i think that Google Plus playing reactively now instead of distracting himself trying to process a bunch of different scenarios all at once bodes well for the mechanical being that he is." Ryan: "yeah, for a guy made of flowcharts hes reacting very well, abandoning the flowcharts is probably the best decision hes made." Doctor Order loses to an uptilt and goes back to her viewing box grumbling irritably about it happening again, and snaps that it doesnt matter, Plus might not have emotions or whatever but he still lost the tournament, so if he wants to leave then go AHEAD, because she won't be using him anyway. Plus: "Victory achieved. Seeking further victory." And marches out of the lab to go pick some fights like an unbothered king

Dan vs The Dimensional Bus! Dan can, should, must and WILL demolish a FUCKING bus. He did get tazed in the ass in the process but its fine its fine its fine. Dan prints out memes and puts them on the fridge in the breakroom and is also good as fuck at peggle. Thoroughly destroyed that fuckin bus in both rounds. Ryan: "if you told me at the start of this tournament that dan would be in top 4 i would have laughed you out of the room."

My Grunk vs. Sephiroth. Sephiroth fought grunk proper last tournament so thats funny. Ryan: "oh god, i've just realized that of the 16 people here only a few of them weren't created by doctor order and two of them are in top four. I think Dr. Order kind of sucks." Sephiroth, stuck in a minecart: "i will show this minecart despair." Alas the zombie cant compete well with Sephiroth From Sephiroth, and round one is Cruel. Chat asks if Riley is a creation of Dr. Order and Ryan replies yes, but only in the sense that Riley was Modified for stealth by Order, they were born a regular person.

Perfect Spriteman vs. Dan! Perfect Spriteman takes first round pretty easily and handily, but someone gets sent down to let Dan know how many people are cheering for him. Dan: "...What? They're cheering for me? What? I'm just a Guy. You sure? You're not confusing me for someone else? Me? ME? I feel like you've gotta be messing with me here, but I win, I lose, its for you guys, aight? Stay frosty, motherfuckers." Commentators discuss how cpu kerfuffle true ending is Dan getting to be champ and how he should be in charge actually as Dan takes first stock, and the match is fun and tense as dan works hard to successfully pull it to a round 3.

Dan apparently knows and feels next to NOTHING about what's specifically going on with the labs, he's just here for the paycheck. He doesn't even know Perfect Spriteman used to be a guy. which i mean yeah makes sense his first fuffle was already after Spriteman transformed. Ryan: "hes just here to punch." Comona: "hes just like 'oh theres a monster? I mean thats kind of normal for kerfuffle so whatever'" Ryan: "I was here for like. kerfuffle 5 to fight hamburger helper. this is nothing." Ryan makes a comment on the match about CPUs not being smart enough to make a particular play a human could go for and Comona shushes him and Ryan goes "oh yeah i forgot." Match is tense enough the commentators dont comment on much else. Ryan: "The pressure is on- but I don't think Dan's feeling it because he doesnt realize just how many people are watching and rooting for him, and I dont think perfect spriteman even realizes he's in a tournament right now hes just acting on base instinct." Spriteman takes last stock, winning 2-1.Dan pushes Spriteman out of center stage a little bit to say something. Dan: "that guy on the side said there were people watching this and… cheering? for me? So I still don't know if this whole thing is a bit, so I'm gonna preface this whole thing with that because if I'm being played for a goddamn idiot right here and like, you're gonna put this in a cringe compilation or something thats some Bullshit- but to all you people out there cheering for me… thank you so much. Im not sure if you all know it, but god DAMN does that mean so much to me. To know that like- even though my life's been Failure after Failure that like- theres still people out there chanting my name- APPARENTLY, according to that guy- so uh- if this is a cringe compilation you BETTER not post that shit- but if it isnt… thanks you guys. I'm gonna hit up steak and shake." I want to hug him. I want to hug him so bad it makes me look stupid.

Sephiroth vs Perfect Spriteman, Grand finals! Fast and tense set. Sephiroth takes game one, directly demanding to be taken seriously as an antagonist and like, with the metanarrative element grand kerfuffle and the nccts introduced with time that's Funny. Commentators reiterate how funny sephiroth doing so well is when he wasn't even supposed to BE here, someone just didn't show up. During the second match, the commentators hear something go off somewhere in the lab- some kind of distant siren or alert. Second match goes to a last stock situation, and Spriteman clinches it, taking it to a game 3. The shirt comes off, theyre on new donk and sephiroth is leading and hes being scary scary scary and then he sds, choking in the silliest way possible and never recovers. The tournament's winner, and calibur's representative for the next tournament is Perfect Spriteman!

But before the commentators can finish announcing that, Dr. Order arrives on the scene with an urgent announcement: "Listen, everyone, theres been a break-in, and we need to lock down and take care of the problem, every stay where you are and once the intruder has gone away-" and shes interrupted. "Ho ho, you want to stop NOW huh? Maybe you should've stopped when you gave me all of this… bullshit! Don't get me wrong, I love the bullshit, but I still think you've gotta pay!" And Larry appears, first as himself, and then as his 'true form' melts away to get set for a random roll: "Listen, you made this bed, time for you to lie in it!" Dr. Order: "I've had enough of this shit anyway. Doesn't matter what happened. I will have Perfect Spriteman as my champion, and you'll see, in the next tournament, Perfect Spriteman will-" Larry, cutting her off and starting the match: "Yeah, yeah, whatever." Comona, as Larry: "Pull up those yoga pants and come for a fight, 'cause I'm looking for one."

Larry rolls ryu. This does not bode well. Ryan, now looking into the Doctor's files, determines Florida Man was once just a joker, but after interacting with Dr. Order, became what he is now with the powers of shapeshifting. Dr. Order takes first stock. Order: "you think I couldn't best my own creations?" Larry: "yeah, I talked to google!" Dr Order keeps a strong lead, but Larry IS out here playing street fighter. Larry, comboing her: "hey doc Google Plus showed me how flowcharts work Check This Shit Out!" Alas, while Larry does Pretty Damn Good for a Ryu, he gets footstooled and loses his last stock. Doctor Order, looking down on him: "you really thought you could come back, and you could defeat me? After all this?" Larry laughs, on the ground. "Yeah, its called making it past seventh in a tournament. But hey, you know the curse you gave me. You win some… you lose some. I'm getting the hell out of here. I know you're so PROUD of ~Perfect Spriteman~ but you aren't so proud of yourself, are ya?" Dr. Order tries to snap back "I dont NEED to be-" but larry, not letting her finish, turns into meta knight and teleports away with his cloak, and Squid Jenny delivers the finalized cast list for the next episode.

#rewatch

11 notes · View notes

larrythefloridaman · 1 year

Text

Rewatch notes update! Cpuk 12-14! These notes are getting Dense as i have to resist the urge to give play by plays. The P. Rool arc sits below the cut.

CPUK12! j0hn intro ep of sode <3

Johannsen's champion ruleset is kept a secret at first, but as im sure you'll remember, was 'i get to fight in all round 3s. because im boredt im here to scrap not sit around in the champion's suite.'

Introduces team calibur as the team of disrespect and Possible Evil. Korioni the ice dragon from hell being the first calibur contestant post crimson is very funny to me especially because it's the Chill head talking in this episode. Hell has no ice but hes just vibing with it. Ryan: "Squid Jenny tried to go down and ask like 'whats your story?' and all she got was 'I'm an ice dragon from hell.'" Comona: "no big deal." Ryan: "He's not like 'YOU ALL WILL SUFFER, BLEGH' hes just like 'yeah im from hell. dont worry about it.' Comona: "like 2000s neopets rp boards." Korioni: "grass grows, birds fly, and brother? I'm from hell." Chill head's Dramatic And Aggro brother getting retroactively vagued about

Spaghebbi <3 Comona has heard of her, from when she applied to the tournament, looking over her resume, and she uses the stage name spaghebbi to advertise her restaurant of the same name to boost her brand.

Team charm, Pixel! Fashionable funny doggie here to look good and give the world a show.

Team clutch, Jacob. Normal suburban 11 year old who plays fortnite that acquired special powers after killing real actual ganondorf from the legend of zelda. He's the nephew of Somebody in cpu kerfuffle. Jay's submission information: 'also jacob's like. Stupid. Like REALLY stupid even for an 11 year old.' Guess we know why he didn't notice anything was weird considering the guy he's the protege of, punished k. rool, isn't actually there but rather Some Guy Stealing His Identity,

Team Chonk P. Rool! Plumb <3 As we eventually learn the intro information on p. rool is only applicable to the guy he stole the identity of. But the real punished k. rool is a rude ass chaos fiend who's scales dulled to brown after enduring a punishing training arc.

Team cones! John my beloved <3 Comona: "Everybody knows Hackers are meant to be disruptive, to lurk in the shadows but Hackerman John not exactly the kind of hacker people would think him to be. He has his very very long universal key- the Skeleton Key if you would- but he doesn't just use it to hack, but he also uses it to slice and dice. He'll hack but you're gonna know he's coming." Ryan: "but you know what key he uses the most right?" Comona: "which ones that?" Ryan, doing a shulk impression: "BACKSLASH!"

Team Cross, johnathan joestar. Jojokes. Gentlemanliness.

Team Craken, Duke Salad! King of the crop. That thing's straight up just some lettuce Hoedown and Patch grew that came to life <3

Exhibition match- Johannsen vs. Blond Sora! Ryan realizes he hasnt put johannsen into the system yet and comona and Ryan joke about maybe needing john to help out with fixing the overlays

Duke salad v. P. Rool - P. Rool's infamous comeback potential is first described RIGHT out the gate. Comona: "when you're fighting P. Rool and you're in the lead, you don't want to give him time to consider the last time he got his ass beat, you don't want to let him imagine that wall because he will use those feelings." Haha yeah he sure will. Several tournaments of forced losses will sure as fuck give him Some Feelings To Use.

Duke Salad nearly zeroes to death the first stock of the second match and P. Rool dunks him anyway for a 2-0. Comona: "P. Rool THRIVES when he's behind."

Pixel vs. Johnathan. Commentators still nervous about Johannsen's special secret rule. Jojokes abound. Pixel is trying too hard to style on johnathan. Pixel gets 2-0'd and three stocked, and Johnathan finds his tenacity inspiring. Pixel: "dont patronize me." But he isnt hes just earnest like that

Hackerman John vs. The Ice Dragon From Hell, Korioni. A joke is made about John sounding like Patrick Warburton, which. god. god no. Awful. /lh

Ryan: "See, I've played enough Overwatch to know you don't actually need compatible technology to hack, you can just go LEGS? HACKED, COMBAT ROLL? HACKED, FLASH GRENADE? HACKED."

They land in reset bomb forest for match one and Ryan says Korioni casually burned this village down because it was full of sinners, You Know How It Is, and now uses the burnt space as a vacation home. Huh.

Comona: "my favorite part about hackerman john is the way that he actually hacks his own body, like he bulks up his muscles and a variety of other various things. The weird part about it is he's not even a cyborg or anything he just hacks… muscles." Ryan: "taking tips from Sombra." lol. lmao

They go stock for stock, despite commentators concerned at the start that John would, as a simple mortal hacker, have trouble dealing with An Actual Literal Dragon. Korioni is also confused by this. Korioni: "why is this Mortal giving me so many problems what is his Deal?" John bullies immortals for fun moments <3

J0hn activates Glass Cannon Protocol (smash art) last stock high percents and goes 'either im hitting and winning or getting hit and losing. either way im making it end here' and Comona admires the gumption even though it costs john the match. John's Decisive Straightforwardness is probably something Larry admires about him honestly, considering how much more fidget-y about what-ifs he seemed to be before they were together, based on the nccts. Guy who "knows exactly who he is and what he wants to be" (cpuk17) for sure.

Also, commentators use she/her a few times for Korioni in addition to he/him, or at least, as canon later establishes them as a hydra, the Normal Chill Guy head. (nccts making it clear this head's individual name is Jonny. Lot of johns and jons in this tournament. CPU Kerfuffle, shockingly, one of the only shows ive enjoyed with a somewhat realistic amount of Johns.) Good for her!

John doesn't do so hot in the first match or the start of the second, but starts playing dirty and quickly, disrespectfully turns the set around. The first round three of the tournament reveals Johannsen's special rule- The Rat Fights in All Round Threes, at a lower cpu level. (Its funny to me that every time ryan wants to nerf a character he lowers the cpu levels but like. That doesnt make them Weaker it makes them Dumber, which sometimes is Advantageous- there's a brief terrifying moment where johannsen is in the lead despite being lower leveled because sometimes a lower level cpu will go for plays a level 9 would be too smart to go for or expect and sometimes, that pays off!) Anyhow. John utilizes the rat as a distraction to make easier work of Korioni. Korioni's a little scared of the rat.

Comona: "John must have paused the game to get that tech because that was IMPOSSIBLE." There's a joke about John's 'hackerman eyes' and him getting visions of the Very Immediate future and skipping them if they're just not interesting enough. Understanding in retrospect why I got so attached to The Visor as a design element. Also, Quad, in a later episode: "I can't see the future. Yet." Why you holding out on the man, John? Gonna share the precog software with the rest of the class? Anyway. potentially another drop of evidence in my 'sensitivity to/ability to manipulate/perceive the script is generally perceived as Weird Psychic Phenomena by the denizens of the cpukverse but doesn't seem to be Known About, Understood or Believed In outside specific circles' worldbuilding speculation bucket

Jacob vs. Spaghebbi. Spaghebbi replaced her arms with spaghetti. Jacob is an 11 yr old that plays fortnite. He feels Exactly like captain falcon when he wipes out tilted towers. Jacob is the kind of kid to eat microwave chicken nuggets off of the fine china. Comona and Ryan chatter nervously about how it feels almost like theyre watching a real person play as Spaghebbi plays with her food. They feel like Spaghebbi could pass the turing test. Jacob gets spaghetti sauced on.

Losers bracket! Duke Salad vs. Pixel. Ryan: "so. who do you think is going to win, and Be Nice About it." Comona: "to put this lightly- as lightly as possible to be kind as i can… after Pixel's SHAMEFUL display in winners bracket, i don't see pixel standing a CHANCE against duke salad. If i put it any lighter than that I would be telling you lies."

Johnathan taught Pixel Hamon and Pixel did much better against the Duke than expected in their first match. I don't know enough about jojos to comment on this. Pixel and the Duke go stock for stock in match 2, and Duke takes it. Game Three. Rat Time. Ryan: "From what I know about Pixel, they're gonna get tilted by the rat, but maybe their training with Johnathan has made them a little more patient."

The Red Kraken visits Patch farms often, but Duke Salad's never ridden on their ship, the Crimson Melody. Duke salad makes the match a 2v1 and takes johannsen and pixel stocks in a killstreak. Duke Salad's patience is emphasized, between poison cloud and the special cannonball move, and takes Pixel's last stock.

Korioni vs. Jacob. Jacob just wandered in here and fought a restaurant owner and is now fighting An Ice Dragon From Hell. 11yr old fortnite player vs. A Dragon. Ryan: "equal power."

Yoshi's Island. Comona: "ah, this is where korioni actually grew up, when they were a young wyrmling." Ryan: "yeah, before The Great Catastrophe. You'll see the great catastrophe later on I'm sure." Korioni: "you are 11 years old? It's cute that you have a concept of time."

Ryan: "I love the lore with Korioni right now, she's just an eldritch being but she's like. Incredibly Chill about it. Pun intended." Comona: "completely intended."

Korioni is getting her ass beaten by an 11 year old because Kori keeps trying to outplay jacob and stumbling into failure. Jacob is not winning, korioni is losing, crucial difference. Korioni starts bringing it back, until Jacob fucking Gets Him offstage. Comona: "the dragon's pride is often their downfall."

(Knocking on door) Are You Winning Son? Jacob, with his single bouncing screensaver braincell: "yeah im winning i Love bloodsport!"

Second match, Korioni's home turf, Hell. Korioni loses her first stock in less than 20 seconds. Comona says Jacob's gotta be scouted for esports teams soon looking at these plays.

Korioni's losing the spirit to fight and goes yknow what? Maybe I should just leave the fighting to the kids and go continue being An Awesome Dragon From Hell instead, maybe cpu kerfuffle just isn't for me. Jonny gave it a go and isnt interested in showing up again. As we see later though, his siblings/other heads however…

Korioni and Pixel go for coffee as the first guys out. Comona: "I'd love to see a just… ice dragon from hell. At starbucks." Ryan: "yeah, with this fashion gay wolf." Comona: "power couple." Ryan: "we should leave the gossip to squid jenny." huh. pixel/jonny. donkey and dragon from shrek type beat

P. Rool vs Johnathan Joestar. Comona suggests Jojo's nurturing empathy and Punished K. Rool, who thrives on punishment, are bound to clash over fundamentally opposed ideals. As we know, this isnt actually punished k. rool but Plum, who's 'thriving when punished' comeback factor is more fueled by rage than anything. Match goes about as they usually do for Plum- hes losing at first, down to the wire, and then firmly Doesn't. Death by chonk. Lot of jojokes i do not understand. Johnathan homie stocks while down a game. Ryan suggests it was so his lead doesn't stay too big and activates Prool's punishment complex. Comona: "P. Rool functions on revenge and revenge alone, and Johnathan knows better than to let him tap into those selfishly driven emotions. P. Rool still does his stupid comeback thing. For the fourth time. Ryan's start of darkness, almost whining: "die already..." Comona: "this is- this is rapidly approaching plot armor levels of ridiculous."

John vs. Spaghebbi. Comona: "for all intents and purposes if someone didnt know what this was, you'd walk up to these two and these are just two people fighting in the streets, like whats going on, but despite these two's normal, grassroots upbringings, these are two formidable opponents. I'm reminded of the dragonball world fighting tournaments- these are people who just fight as a hobby and enjoy it and testing their abilities."

Comona: "johns a very sneaky player, i always feel like johns getting sauced and then i actually look and percents are even." Ryan: "hes very funny because he'll look like hes getting his ass kicked and then hes just. winning." John survives past 200% on his first stock without using Shield Protocol.

John chokes last minute in their second match, throwing because He Wanted The Rat. He Has Chosen The Rat. Guy who is Completely Willing and Unphased By the prospect of embarrassing himself if it means getting to see a lil guy. Its suggested this was an attempt at a strategic play but if it was it did Not work out. He wanted to see a little guy. lets be honest. Spaghebbi's playing loose, cutting loose, putting on her fucking footloose. Feet, foot feet, dance on your fucking feet.

The giants from majora's mask are hired on staff to keep the moon from crashing into the beach.

Comona: "Hackerman John's gonna need to hire some help to get through this one." Ryan audibly struggles to confidently remember Dan's name to make a joke about John hiring him. John gets very close to bringing it back, but ultimately spaghebbi takes it.

Chat member: "Hackerman John and Shapeshifter Larry. Gay?" Ryan, with an air of mystery: "who knows?" the seed is planted.

Jojo v. Jacob. A gentleman must always shake hands first. Jacob knows jojo memes and nothing else about it. Jojo loses a stock second match at 10 seconds in. Jacob really really really likes upsmashes. This set is mostly direct match commentary. People chant and beg and PLEAD for the rat and they get what they want. Jojo, Jacob, Johannsen. J. Jacob wins.

Chat member: "what is Johannsen's Last name?" Ryan: "no idea, have to get squid jenny to check on that." There's speculation in chat about Johannsen being, in some sense, a jojo,

Hackerman John vs. Duke Salad. John loses his first stock VERY fast. You can't hack a plant. It's not allowed. It doesn't work. John loses first match spectacularly. Ryan is getting a report from the field. Ryan: "Hackerman John's showing some weird signs of… something, he's panting really hard, he's sweating a lot according to Squid Jenny- maybe if this goes to round three we'll see what's going on." John manages to pull ahead and take round 2.

Ryan: "update on the report from the field from Jenny, the sweating from hackerman John has continued, and with that successful victory, he's making an announcement to everybody. Let me make sure I'm hearing this right- 'time to reveal the true form.' I don't know what that means but I get the feeling we're about to find out." Strangest part of this is how much effort it appears to take for John to… whatever this is. He changes form pretty casually later and it doesn't seem like maintaining his human-looking appearance takes him any active effort in later appearances, nor do I see why it would, so my best guess is he's psyching himself up to do the Robot Reveal and. maybe powering through having a bit of a panic attack about it? In nccts terms this is extra interesting because this is the moment on a narrative level he's first established as robotic in nature and as gaiden 2 and then the nccts later establish this means, script-sensitive, which j0hn explicitly mistakes for/processes as anxiety, so this must've Felt Pretty Weird.

Anyhow, introducing- Hackerbot J0hn! With a freshly minted zero in his name. In a sudden turn of events, the reason he can augment himself so freely is because he's a robot that can hack other bots. And its round three, so there's also a Rat In The Mix. Duke Salad: "...I just fucking work here, man."

J0hn, now working with the fullness of his robotic potential, still is not used to it even a little bit and does not do well. Drawbacks of not using your fucked up science-granted powers unless you think you need them for practical reasons- having MUCH less practice at using them than your boyfriend who uses his every ten minutes for fun or because he cant help it, I suppose. He's still hacking himself on the fly but in a very different style, Ryan says. He's actively less effective in combat in his 'true form' than he is in his human 'disguise,' but J0hn's just happy to have shown off his true self to the world and heads off to relax and get coffee. Ryan: "He can't drink it, but he's gonna go get it." 😔

Winners Finals. Prool vs. Spaghebbi. Round one goes to prool and its stupid and makes ryan understandably angry. Ryans asking the referees to double check and make sure all that was legal, and it seems to be. Round 2 goes similarly, even with Spaghebbi trying to play defensively against Prool's comeback power. Ryan admits as Spaghebbi loses 2-0 that he doesnt want Prool to be champion and, after saying he shouldn't metagame, that he cant just make him ditch to go back to his home dimension like dani, he says, no, fuck it, he doesnt want Prool to be champion, and hes willing to cheat to stop it from happening.

Round one is thrown out with concerns about the legitimacy of the win on grounds of Prool pulling some fuckshit. Spaghebbi is given another match with him to set the record for real. Spaghebbi was perfectly fine with losing, but the refs called her out for a redo and she wasn't going to turn down another shot at winning. Prool is starting to get irritated with this- the refs gave their first round the a-okay already, why do they have to redo it anyway? Regardless, Prool fully confirms his 2-0.

Jacob vs. Duke salad. Mostly just match commentary, but a very fun set. Duke Salad's got his eyes on a rematch with Prool. 'Duke, you killed a child… Amazing!'

Duke Salad vs Spaghebbi. FOOD FIGHT. Round one on fountain of dreams. Very even, very steady very tense. Ryan's blatant bias is for duke salad, and the duke takes match one. Round 2 goes to Spaghebbi. Rat Time. Johannsen does very little and Spaghebbi wins.

Grand finals. Spaghebbi and Prool rematch. Getting a report from the field before the first round- Duke Salad has given Spaghebbi a gift. A House Salad, from the duke himself. She eats the salad and throws herself into the first match with Prool.

Spaghebbi gets the first stock even after a cannonball to the head. Prool's comeback potential looms. Spaghebbi takes it to a last stock situation and Ryan holds his breath, trying not to hope, and he was right not to. Prool takes it last second despite Spaghebbi's huge percent lead. Ryan cant even bear to comment.

Round 2. Green Greens. Ryan keeps trying not to have hope Spaghebbi will take this so he wont be disappointed, his biases now fully, shamelessly on display, having turned against Prool entirely. Chat Member: "Hangry, red, villainous, anyone else think something's up?" Ryan: "...hm. i dont wanna make any assumptions, but…"

Ryan admits to being salty as chat comments on his deafening silence watching Prool and Spaghebbi fight, fully convinced she's going to lose. Hes right. she does. Prool wins.

Ryan openly declares he will not allow prool to become champion as he queues up the championship match. Ryan, talking out of his ass: "I know what you did, Punished K. Rool. I know. And I'm not letting you do it here." ← this is nothing and goes nowhere. he is using his powers of storytelling to say fuck this lizard because he doesnt want him to win <3

Hes too mad to even commentate about johannsen losing to Prool. He is grumbling and grouching and salty and peeved.

Its time to break some rules! And so an exception is enshrined IN the rules- fuck prool. prool is jumped by a collection of competitors to be prevented from taking his earned championship- Johannsen, Captain Valentine, Big Yopper, Spaghebbi, Duke Salad, Rights Sentience, and Mario from Super Mario. Most of them are said to be there for revenge of some kind in a very handwavey sense, rights is supposedly there because Prool is 'an affront to rights,' ironic given this whole exchange is the tournament wrenching away Prool's rightfully earned win on a basis of 'fuck that guy in particular.' I assume while revenge is the blanket statement the real motive for the participating parties here is another chance at championship despite the breach of rules and fairness, not unlike Spaghebbi's unearned redo, and not unlike the competitors apparently devolving into mad max shenanigans offscreen when the champion's seat was left 'unclaimed' during the hiatus. (it was captain crimsons. but this was apparently left unacknowledged for 'fuck that guy' reasons which like. Is justified in a vacuum but is and has Become even more kinda retroactively weirdly targeted over time in a way as the comedically driven moral double standard about murder in the show reveals itself, as is hilariously demonstrated by the commentators discussing letting the Grunk, himself manslaughtered and brought back which everyone hates crimson for, just attack and/or kill whoever he wants if it's funny in the next season and as is briefly discussed in the nccts. Murder is okay but only if we like you and its funny 👍)

Ryan had fun watching him get ganged up on. Valentine gets the last hit in, and the three characters who got kills on prool enter a four player free for all with him and whoever wins gets championship. Ryan: "if Prool wins this one, I promise I will accept it. Just kidding I'll pull some other bullshit because im a bitch baby The Real Championship Begins!"

Captain Valentine wins, finally getting his groove back after 11. Captain Valentine: "Fuck That Rat!" Ryan: "Honestly? To be fair? Right now? You know what, I think Captain Valentine's just happy that in the end he doesnt have to fight that FUCKING rat again."

Ryan throws that rat at him for shits and giggles. Apparently this fight is happening because Val just wants to put his pride back together. He is doing worse than last time at first, but hes developing a begrudging respect for the little fella, and manages to pull out a win. Ryan promises Prool can come back next tournament and try again, for the sake of fairness, and dont worry chat, he has a plan.

CPUK13! ryan catches jay and comona up to speed. Jay, punished k. rool and jacob came from another universe. They had tickets for the Dimensional Plane (GOOD pun, and also very funny confirmation that the bus is not the only means of public interdimensional transport. In the nccts universes are implied to have some element of physical proximity/distance between universes to account for with regard to travel time, what with nelson warp not being instantaneous and such. so i suppose it makes sense there might be different forms of dimensional transport accommodating for said travel time, planes are faster long distance than cars and all,) but jay couldnt go. Punished K. Rool was such a heel however that noone wanted him to win, so there was a 7v1 to stop him from becoming champion. Jay: "yeah thats about accurate to what i expected."

Ryan: "now, this was a very big breach of The Rules, and the Iggy Collective elected, in the interest of fairness, to invite P. Rool back to try again, along with some other people." 'In the interest of fairness' is the Funniest way that could be put because whats fair about that. You blocked him from becoming champion as a group Just Because You Dont Like Him, and then tell him 'you can go ahead and try again if you want!' With full intent to do it again if he wins. Like thats not fairness you are playing matador and P. Rool is an angry bull for whom there is no winstate. "We'll let you win if you can win when we won't let you win."

Jay, talking about Punished: "Prool is a really good fighter, and yknow nobody likes to acknowledge that hes a really good fighter, because he's just an asshole. Hes the biggest heel. He counter picks to stages he wont even win on because he just wants to piss you off. He'll turn items on when its illegal." Ryan: "damn. What an asshole. We all hate him." Plum does not understand why everyone hates him so much, alas hes been mistaken for Some Guy Who Sucks whose behavior he obliviously resembles 😔

Zagreeus, from Hayds! Zagreeus is a 14 yr old edgy bi kid that loves and kins zagreus from hayds. His submission information states that he found zagreus's plight with his parents and life in darkness relatable, and has tried to summon gods before, failing every time but once, when a god took pity on him and didnt want him burning down his parents garage with a gasoline summoning circle. Some unnamed goddess granted him the powers he wanted, and with them, and equipped with his power glove (which is So Bad, and that he uses to play hayds,) he joined cpu kerfuffle. Okay so what id remembered about him kinning zagreus so hard he developed his powers either wasnt exactly accurate or that's how the commentators simplify it later or smthn because Wow

Matrimony Knight! Just likes marriage, especially gay marriage. Ryan princess bride mawwiage bit is going to happen All Night.

Genwun! My miserable little clown submission. Ngl when i submitted them i had No idea how bad some people's experiences with genwunners were, they were just A Bizarre Subset of Nostalgia Blind Internet Weirdos With Absurd Beliefs that i knew existed in the abstract but had never met any. Regardless, they get better though and genfour has evolved normal opinions about pokemon and willingness to accept the progression of time. they're my one and only cringefail submission and I do love them.

Chili's! Ryan: "I can't imagine what other restaurant chain a Red Robin would represent." Comona: "yeah, me either." Chili's will get so very angry with you if you label her as any other restaurant. The commentators react with confusion to Jay implying red robin was ever a restaurant that existed, and jay says it must be something that only exists in his dimension. It's all Chili's now. The family coming of age rites name change domination of a new restaurant thing established in cpuk 23 truly be rewriting history huh

Machiavelli! Submission information states: Machiavelli is a science project using the tournament as field practice for testing and creating the perfect killing machine, though it is sometimes very clueless, self-destructive and dimwitted in its actions and lacking knowledge. It adapts to mimic it's opponents fighting styles to learn as combat progresses. Exact sentience unknown, although its intelligence appears to sit somewhere between a child and a dog, loyally following the command of its 'owners,' but shows enough free will to act unprompted in pursuit of its own aimless whims. As for what Machiavelli is, and what he is made for, that information is as of yet unknown.

Twist! The mage aboard the red kraken and first member of the red kraken proper to appear.

Sephiroth. Just The Real Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7 and remake. Ryan: "now you might be asking, 'why is he HERE?'" Jay: "do you think we could STOP HIM?! do you think WE know?!" He was not invited, he just showed up. Johannsen was gonna fight but Sephiroth was like *One-Winged Angel plays* (which follows him around like an aura) and Johansen was like *porky pig stammer* w. well Okay-

Sephiroth's comically long sword apparently pierced the hull of the Dimensional Plane and jay apologizes for possibly having brought this upon us all. I think sephiroth's sword should be like doug dimmadome's hat. Infinitely long so that you cant see the end of it whenever its funny for it to be that way

UPS Founder vs. Jacob exhibition match. Not much to comment on here, mostly just plain match commentary.

First match- Sephiroth vs. Chili's. Jay remarks nervously upon chili's resemblance to aerith, while discussing their hopes for the tournaments winners and Valentine's rule changes as champion- cutting a bunch of the weirder, messier stages off the list to leave mostly more clean, traditional ones. Chili's spellbook is a menu and her spells are named after menu items. Thoron is the bigmouth burger. Chili's down-aerithed him into hell <3 sephiroth, unamused: "puns are the lowest form of comedy." She remains rent free in his head the entire second round sending sephiroth to losers Immediately.

Jay: "does Chili's serve wings?" Ryan: "of course it does its a bar and grill, everywhere serves wings." Jay: "well it certainly does now!!" Ryan, getting it: "but only one wing." Comona: "you only get one. Choose Your Sauce Wisely."

Twist vs. Zagreeus. Extended bit about zagreeus being on a bad run and pronouncing greek gods names and things like weapons weird. zayus. Arr-TEM-is. Po-sedd-in. Shy-eld. Spee-are.

Comona: "zagreeus is failing the skill check, how did twist learn to fight like this?" Ryan: "she was born with it. And she may have absorbed the power of an eldritch god but thats beside the point."

Zagreeus loses hard first round. Jay: "if im zagreeus at this point im pulling out the cheat engine." Ryan: "you think so?" Comona: "i dont think the situations that dire yet, lets give him a little credit." Zag manages to take the second round on Gamer, as something of a gamer.

Jay: "if zagreeus is the son of hayds, then the son of zayus would be hercules?" (pronounced like molecules) Ryan: "no, its herakles, obviously" twist dunks zagreeus

Ryan starts queueing up p. rool and Jay pops off so hard it sounds like he stuck his microphone in his mouth. Jay: "im sorry. I get excited."

Then machi gets queued up! Baby's first match, quick get the camera. Machi is small and light and Jay expresses concern for his ability to survive P. Rool's heavy hits. Jay: "of course, i have no reason to assume hes lightweight considering he's completely original and resembles no other character." Comona: "as much as i'd like to say Machi will pull out a win here, and I do think he'll get off to a hot start. P. Rool always comes back. Like a boomerang."

Ryan is trying to have hope P. Rool will lose. Jay makes the first comment suggesting something is amiss with regard to Punished K. Rool, saying that P. Rool as he knew him HAD been a huge heel but after eating a loss he'd gone away for awhile and when he returned, he'd thought he'd grown, showing his stuff as an incredibly good but much fairer fighter, and that this regression into heeldom is… odd. Machi's like one of the only fighters ive seen consistently dodge pretty successfully with plum's stupid fucking gun. Powerful little dodgebeast. Got SO close to beating p. rool first round. Machiavelli is so powerful and perfect and also balling <3

The second match is so frustrating because machi is working so hard. and i know it's for naught. Anyway its very funny that they describe Machi's battle prowess as 'playing 5D Chess' when babygirl you KNOW he's eating pieces. A close, exciting game.

Matri vs. Genwun. Jay: "having only played one game in their entire life, I think genwun's experiences- theyre pretty limited, having only played pokemon red and blue. I feel like Genwun's gonna lack the matchup knowledge they're gonna need here that they'd have if they played Literally Any Other Video Game or watched anything but Star Wars."

Ryan clarifies again for someone in chat that Iggy and his collective of friends and companions are the showrunners, staff currently including Squid Jenny as field reporter and Home MD as the field medic.

P. Rool hungrybox at the grocery store copypasta

Matri and Genwun slug it out. Comona: "this match is just- The idealism of being together forever for the rest of your life vs.-" Ryan: "being a genwunner." Comona: "I was gonna say never branching out and being alone your entire life." Ryan, more insistently: "yeah, being a genwunner."

Comona, after Matri takes first stock hard: "that is the only time genwun is ever gonna get something put up his ass." GOD!!!!!!!!!!

Jay: "read that like he was reading their vows!" Matri (Comona): "i do promise to WRECK your ASS in SMASH, in Sickness and in Health," Ryan: "matrimony knight can see the FUTURE hes going 'This Will End In Divorce' and then Finishing It!" Jay: "that was not the matchup of two people who have never met, i think these two have Fought Before, these two have a History." They share no words before starting another fight, and genwun looks pissed.

Matri is said to be steel/fairy type, neither of which being things Genwun understands. Also its noted gender wasnt introduced until gen 2 outside the nidorans, ergo why genwun does not participate. Beloved cringe ass loser nonbiney submission of mine. Genwun gets 2-0'd.

Sephiroth vs. Zagreeus. Sephiroth gets his makeup from sephora. Jay: "I would love nothing more than for Sephiroth to have stowed away in my trunk, forced himself into the competition and then just got stomped." It took way too long for like the third hit to land, they dance around eachother a lot. They discuss some confusion over the exact functionality of Sephiroth's wing mechanic. Jay: "I mean, its not like this is a game or anything we could just ask sephiroth-" Zagreeus reflects a flare killing sephiroth instantly before he can finish the bit. Despite some striking plays from zag he still firmly loses match one.

Zagreeus is adept in minecraft, sephiroth is a nineties kid ill equipped for modern gaming, despite Sephiroths best efforts zag takes first stock and gets so close to taking the second before seph finishes the match with a commanding comeback. sephiroth does Not congratulate him for doing his best but zag just gives a thumbs up to the rest of the fighters and heads to the cafe to relax. Zag got such a tough hand, dealt twist and sephiroth back to back, lil man fought SO hard

Genwun vs. Machiavelli. Genwun struggles to respect and consider their opponents playstyles for adaptation. Machiavelli doesn't respect his opponents not out of malice but because hes a baby that doesn't comprehend how or why he should.

First match takes place on the Unova Pokemon League. Genwun, upon seeing Shaymin: "the fucks that green thing." Machi LOVES to fake people out with the rock. Genwun doesnt get threestocked but gets sauced on so hard that an Event occurs anyway. They meet up with Matri to discuss something. Genwun has been given pokemon platinum on Nintendo DS. Time dilation occurs, (jay says it might be a side effect of him visiting from his dimension? More space and time intertwined-ness,) genwun speedruns the entirety of pokemon platinum in a near instant, watching the lucario movie while making dinner in the middle of this temporary time bubble and transforms into Genfour. Comona suggests they saw shaymin in the background and were like 'i… dont know that one but… i kinda like it…' and decided finally to give more things a try.

One-winged angel plays. Machi: "why do i hear boss music." Genfour's newfound excitement for new things powers them to take like. the only match they ever have <3 as jay says, genfour might make a friend, something genwun never had, and that friend might just be machiavelli!

Megalovania duck hunt. Genfour looks at retro games and says No. Im Clean Now. Nostalgia was their drug of choice and they Want No Part Of It anymore they want to be a Well Rounded Being Now.

Comona: "im gonna be real with you i need genfour to win this one, I need genfour to see, purely, the joy in living for the future with other people." Jay: "living your life as it is right in front of you, not restricting yourself in the past." Fun thematic foreshadowing for the rest of the season, methinks, given the coming arc villain, introduced in the next episode and Machi's creator, Dr. O's whole 'gifted kid gone rotten' situation, for what is a gifted kid gone rotten but someone who grew up thinking they were special and better than other people and people used to KNOW that and could not accept the reality when they grew up that they are, in fact, just like any other person. (Reinforced by her ironic fate banished into the distant past and further reinforced by the nccts, where she was explicitly still hung up on high school bullshit.) Cue larry coming in swinging with the revelation to break her- that Some Broke Stupid Petty Criminal Cunt from the Grocery Store with enough Patience Determination Resilience and Willingness to Change and Adapt can do exactly what she does and Better when just given the opportunity because she isn't special <3

Genfour loses, but Machi follows them to the cafe to hang out a while. friends!! Its suggested in his submission info in gaiden 2, iirc, that genfour's original mewtwo form served as 'inspiration' for chessmaster's creation, and unlike Plus he wasn't treated as Brand New, so it feels safe to assume Mach 2 was made sometime between this episode and then- and the first time Dr. Order decided to show herself in the tournament instead of sending experiments or assistants and observing is the next episode. not all her creations go straight to tournament when created- Crimsonaut being Crimson's 'respawn point' and next host following being exorcised from the captain, Order's initial study of Crimson samples from the Grunk's corpse mentioned in the nccts, his created purpose and cover story for hosting crimson, and his being paired with the dimensional bus which has referenced usage in season one suggests both that he at least slightly predates cpuk11 and that direct combat was never what he was made for so there was no reason for him to be involved in it until dr. O needed to stock a full tourney, but Mach 2 was a second iteration of her attempts to make the Ultimate Fighter. Did Mach 2 maybe… do poorly enough in some kind of preliminary testing she didn't even bother sending him to tournament and took that slot herself instead? and was that why she was so particularly harsh to him, despite his not rebelling like Google? Much to think about

Twist vs. Chilis! The queen of the 5$ margarita and the purple pajama'd mage of the red kraken. They go stock for stock but Chili's is unbreakable. Chat: "after this can they go on a date to the cafe"

Comona: "you gotta remember to watch your back going into an applebees after all this." Jay: "yeah cuz chili's is gonna be right behind you tapping on your shoulder like-" Chili's: "are you sure about that?"

Comona follows this bit with a firm disclaimer not to allow cpu kerfuffle characters to create real-life brand loyalties to things that don't care about you and that the commentators dont really care about either. And that by the way for chili's pricepoint just going to a good local place instead is just practicing self-care, honestly. responsible commentating.

Again twist and chilis go stock for stock, Chili's losing the second round. Mostly match commentary, but theyre some very entertainingly intense matches. Ryan talks a bit about the Taco Mac clause. Theres some fesh pince jokes in there. Round 3 is similar, with more jokes about the Chili's menu. Serving loaded potato skins. Twist is tipping the waiter with a boot to the head. Twist takes it.

Ryan: "people in chat are shipping twist and chili's which- I will say, the character twist is based on is, i think, ace, but this also is a separate continuity- ive got several continuities- so i'm leaving the shipping up to you guys." Comona: "yeah, any headcanons, any fanons- and, I mean, ace doesn't necessarily mean theres no room for something romantic-" ryan: "yeah!"

P.Rool vs. Matrimony Knight. Ryan: "I hate to say this but I do think p.rool is taking this." Comona and Jay agree with an audible grimace. Matri does not do well first round. Comona and Jay make fun of ryan sneezing like someone who should be in a hospital. P. Rool is, as usual, disgustingly powerful in combat.

Matri begins to pull out a lead second round. Jay: "P. Rool is never on his final form. Watch him pull out D. Rool." Ryan: "what is that, destroyed rool-?" Comona: "what about ja rool."

Matri manages to take it to round 3, to ryan, comona and jay's joy. But they temper their excitement with 'listen its p. rool. Dont get your hopes up. Dont do it.' They're right to do this matri very nearly gets threestocked and the last stock is matri getting dunked like a fucking basketball.

Losers bracket, Chilis vs. Machi. Comona thinks chili's is gonna win the tournament. Jay thinks Machi is going to be a comeback god, losing at first and then taking it back. First match on mario maker. A stage only left legal because ryan LOVES it because it fucks with the ai. Machi doesnt do well with the random stage at first, but brings it back HARD, nearly a reverse threestock, ending with Machi stealing Chili's sword and fucking Getting Her in a clutch move.

Match two funny zelda tower. Machiavelli in his 'anime arc' after copying chili's. Ryan: "he's just grown hair!" Comona: "He's a growing boy!" Stocks stay pretty even throughout, chili's footstooling to take the final kill. Taking it to round 3!

One winged angel, machi and chilis stock for stock again. Machi's on last stock and the commentators are talking about kid icarus uprising nearly the entire match. Chili's walks off, having learned some things herself and is approached by… some shady individuals apparently involved in creating him. Iggy says to pay them no mind. Don't worry about it. Comona: "...is this like the equivalent of like, if Boston Dynamics entered a robot into a smash tournament?" Jay: "this is like if Boston Dynamics entered a robot into a real actual martial arts tournament."

Swordfight! Sephiroth vs matri. Comona: "the two ends of the spectrum as to what constitutes a sword." Fuckin. wedding butter knife versus masamune the doug dimmadome ass katana.

Matri, hank hill impression: "frame data? Cancels? I Just wanna Grill for gods sake!" Also Matri, teleporting behind Sephiroth: "nothing personel, kid."

Matri does not win. If sephiroth wins the set he's fighting chilis. The next match is mostly match commentary with some family guy impressions for flavor. Sephiroth is the kind of guy who mimes crushing it out of spite when you blow him a kiss. Matri manages to take round two.

Word from the field! Sephiroth is pissed. He knows this could be his last game. Ryan: "hey, comona? You know sonicfox, right?" Comona: "of course." Ryan: "you know how in that one game when he thought he was out, he took his hat off?" Sephiroth takes his shirt off. The limiters are off. Matri does best with plenty of momentum but its hard to keep momentum with sephiroth. Matri's wedding vows (for at least one of his weddings) was the opening of the song Start Of Something New from highschool musical. Sephiroth ends up taking it in the most embarassing, sad, possible choke from matri. Sephiroth puts his shirt back on.

Twist vs P. Rool. Drac's Castle. Furthest a team cracken members ever gotten at this point. Twist racks up damage fast. Comona: "is this like, a dark arts emporium twist likes to frequent? Shes looking mad at home right now." Ryan: "y'know with all the purple, it would make sense within the lore of the red kraken story." Twist takes first stock and dash dances on prool and Ryan's almost crying tears of joy.

Twist gets prool down to one stock, then prool takes his first and gets her to over 100% in seconds and then takes her second, and you can hear ryans heart breaking as the other commentators start submitting themselves to the inevitability of Prool comebacks. Twist does, however, manage to take the first match!

Jay starts to turn around a little on prool, saying his loyalties lie first and foremost with people from his home dimension. Ryan: "i understand it. I dont respect it but i understand it." Twist successfully 2-0s Prool and Ryan feels the most alive he has all tourney. Jay: "he'll be back." Comona: "well of course he'll be back, hes still lurking in the losers bracket." Ryan: "nothing you can say will wipe the smile off my face right now."

Chili's vs. Sephiroth runback! Ryan thinks we're gonna see a 2-1, that sephiroths gonna put up a little more of a fight but chili's is still gonna take it. This proves a good guess with sephiroth taking first stock. Sephiroth wasn't taking Chili's seriously before, but now this becomes a meeting of the minds. Chilis still takes match one. Chili's isn't taking Sephiroth seriously anymore.

TWOOOOOO BANANAS.

Round 2, monkey watch wuhu island. Sephiroth may or may not like monkey watch. Jay: "hes an edgelord but thats like, his dayjob, we dont know what he's into in his freetime." Chilis struggles on Wuhu island because there's too much space for bartending and too many local businesses to outcompete her, and sephiroth takes round 2.

Megalovania find mii. Sephiroth is hearing boss music. Terrifying stock for stock match, but chilis keeps the lead and finishes the match with a vicious dunk in the gap. Comona: "stamping a close set with 'but really, i was winning the whole time.'"

Losers finals, Prool vs. Chili's. After twist, prool can officially bleed so Comona feels no reservations about backing chili's. Prool got pineappled at barely over 20%, but chili's loses her first stock only 40% into Prools next. The match is fast and chaotic but not particularly lore-heavy. Chilis takes round one. Jay: "the way i see it, matches with prool dont even start til round 2." Ryan: "if prool gets 2-0d by twist and chilis both thatd be the lesbianest thing ever. Considering the headcanons running around." Next match is stock for stock again, but Plum finishes it, sending them to a round 3, which ALSO goes stock for stock.

Jay, sounding sad: "if prool loses here youre gonna make me put him back in the car, arent you?" Comona and Ryan, firmly: "YES." They jinx it. Chili's loses, and prool wins by the skin of his teeth with a violence. Jay, scared: "HOW DOES HE DO IT. I DONT WANT HIM BACK. HE WASN'T LIKE THIS IN MY WORLD. I DONT WANT THIS FUCKER BACK." Comona: "you did this." Jay: "I DIDNT DO THIS! I DIDNT DO THIS! IT WAS YOUR WORLD THAT DID THIS TO HIM!" Comona: "alright, Huey Emmerich!" I know just enough about metal gear to know how grievous an insult this is.

Grand finals. Twist vs. P.rool. Ryan: "im so afraid. Because i know p.rool. I know what he's gonna try to do here." Foreshadowing. Ryans trying so hard to have hope. But i know craken won't have a winner in grand finals until gaiden 5. Jay suggests, as a compromise, that if P. Rool wins, they can let Jacob take championship and pick the rules instead. Ryan remains firm that P. Rool cannot win, its against the rules. If Jacob wants it he can win it himself fair and square. Note how things have shifted from 'i need an excuse to keep p. rool out of championship because hes too strong and i dont want to use the same one i used for dani again' to 'FUCK p. rool, no quarter no compromise he is an object to hate for fun.' Due to a simple shift in the rules which ryan Iggy put there. Makes you thonk dont it.

P. Rool bracket resets Twist. The dread is seeping into Ryan. Jay and comona try to cheer him up by pointing out twist might do better on this stage. Ryan: "I liked it better when she 2-0d him but thats just me." Ryan, later, watching Twist still losing and sounding like hes wilting: "I'd like to see him dead, but thats just me." Comona: "P. Rool's really taking advantage of these layers to the stage." Ryan, becoming sephiroth and trailing off: "uh huh. My immortal rage…" Comona: "Yeah, im struck pretty silent watching P. Rool fight too. Like hes just… sucking the hope out of me." Jay: "Personally I'm feeling pretty good, i gotta be honest." Comona: "be happy if you want i wont judge-" ryan: "i will." Comona: "-but its not gonna stop me from voicing my opinion." Jay: "is now a bad time to share he offered me a cut of his winnings if he takes this?" Ryan: "not very pog." Jay: "dimensional plane tickets are EXPENSIVE."

P. Rool takes another match. Comona, bitter: "hes just too GOOD. at the GAME." Twist requests a port switch, forfeiting a stagepick in exchange, which prool accepts. The next match goes stock for stock until twist takes it, to Ryan's vicious glee. Comona and Ryan pop off excitedly about port priority. Jay: "I dont think thats real, ryan, i gotta be honest-" Ryan, turning into the fucking green goblin: "WELL, IF YOURE SO CONFIDENT, THEN LETS SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE KEEP TWIST ON PORT ONE, SHALL WE?" Jay: "okay!" Ryan has fully unhinged.

P. Rool wins. Ryans hit despair. P. Rool calls Jay. Ryan: "kick him off the call. kick him off the call." P. Rool says hes not giving him his money. Ryan: "oh, so youre on OUR side now, now you UNDERSTAND,"

P. Rool championship match. P. Rool vs Valentine. Ryan: "ive said it before ill say it again. This fucker is never going to be champion. Never. as long as I live. So we'll see what we do if he wins this." Comona: "as much as i dont like p. rool he does have spice." Ryan: "yeah he is spicy I just hate him." Jay: "cant believe hes not giving me my money." Ryan: "i can, have you met him?Jay: "its just, i had faith- its not like you guys knew him first!" Ryan: "true."

Jay: "we might need to start a go fundme to send me back to my own timeline." Comona: "the hell does a big fat asshole crocodile need with money anyway?" Jay: "good question." Ryan: "fishing?" Comona: "i was gonna say influencing government but that works." Anyway rip valentine time for another p. rool beatdown. Someone in chat special requests a match with sephiroth. Jay: "lets see who wins- the main villain or sephiroth." Prool decimates him. Ryan decides to take his rage out and beat the hell out of plum himself via Iggy. Ryan: "this isnt for the audience. this is for me." Plum still takes first stock against a human player. It still goes to last stocks. Iggy does win tho.

Twist vs. Valentine bc fuck P. rool. Ryan: "got a lot of haters in the chat mad that I wont acknowledge P. Rools win. But you forget, the 3rd rule of cpu kerfuffle: Fuck P. Rool. Dont blame me, I dont make the rules- well i do but-" Comona: "yeah, Iggy does." Ryan: "right! Take it up with Iggy. Or dont, cuz he'll kill you-" Jay: "i dont know how Jacob, who's just such a good kid, ended up on a team with p. rool." Ryan: "im sure theres some lore reason."

Valentine keeps a commanding hold on his championship, although twist put up a damn good fight. The commentators say, once again, that P. Rool will be returning for the next tournament. Comona: "we are an equal opportunity tournament, that doesn't turn away proven challengers."

Cpuk14 time! Representing Team Calibur, the team not for becoming the best, but for knowing you already are the best- Doctor order. Right out the gate. 'Ever wonder where all these lab experiments gone wrong and super fighting robots come from? Doctor Order knows, not that she'd tell you. mad scientist/personal trainer who seeks to create the ultimate fighter. Joined team calibur over, say, team cones, as she seeks to reign in chaos, a lofty goal in the face of what cpu kerfuffle is. What's driven her out of the lab and into the spotlight remains to be seen.'

Neither Comona or Jay have seen her in action, not even in jays dimension, although Jay says hes aware of an alternate universe version of her named pablo that's just a totally normal guy. Jay, sounding uncomfortable: "Dont ask me how I know theyre connected." Ryan: "is it the vibes?" Jay: "its the vibes."

Bing! Bing's original submission information says hes a personification of the web service bing and decided to take up fighting because he was tired of being overshadowed by the popularity of Google. Interesting given that Google the person did not yet exist, but future tournaments do in fact insist he's got his complex about that Google. 'also, due to being a search engine, hes very knowledgeable.' LOL. LMAO EVEN. Ryan has high hopes for his results in the tournament. He places 5th.

Returning from CPUK1 for the first time, Dark Jimbo! A hypebeast turned emo. Hes not quite as edgy anymore (thank his therapist) but hes gotten attached to the aesthetic and music and such. Apparently discovered an emerald mine beneath the house and the money from that is whats funding his access to the expense of recurring hair dye and band merch nowadays. Comona expresses that in what hes seen of Jimbo, despite the aggressive, dark exterior, as a fighter he is sort of timid, which might cause him some trouble. But hes been training with his dad, and you cant count him out.

Team Cones! Larry the Florida Man <3. Ryan explains Larry's previous appearances under separate show names, and describes Larry's powers as something that 'awoke' in him. Of course, this is before the Dr. O connection was made, but its fun wording nonetheless. Jay: "as you know, im a very cut and dry commentator." Ryan: "uh huh." Jay: "No jokes. So of course Larry is right up my alley as the most consistent fighter in the tournament." Jay clarifies Larry ironically is pretty consistent in a way, jokes aside, he can perform fairly well in all his shapes. He openly wonders if Larry's ability to perform as well as he does with all his forms is a trained skill, or if it's all instinct. Ryan suggests they'll get Jenny to look into getting an interview about it.

Team Cross. Engineer TF2. They solve practical problems. The commentators proceed to start referencing TF2. I dont know anything about tf2. Jay says he and engie trained under the same fighting master- Superb Mario. Unclear if this is the same character as Mario From Super Mario.

Team Charm, team of all thats good and kind and gay, representative Therapuppy! Chat member: "Thats A Dog!" The blurb for her says, paraphrasing, 'with the introduction of Sephiroth to smash, therapuppy went ahead and signed up for cpu kerfuffle, because god damn Cloud and Samus really are in The Same Game as Sephiroth and Ridley, huh? Damn, kinda fucked up.' funny. funny that sephiroth is directly one of the reasons theras here. Thera's just here to check in on everybody's mental wellbeing and have a good time.

Team Chonk. P. Rool. Jay: "man, fuck this guy. me and p. rool, we're from the same neck of the woods, we're from the next dimension over, and i couldn't make it to a kerfuffle one time so he took my ticket, and he came over here and he started throwing hands and now we can't get him to Leave." Hes jay's ride home so hes been stranded here for 2 weeks and Ryan's been pulling strings to keep him out of the champion's suite and hes heard that P. Rool's getting Very Mad about that. Ryan: "but- fuck it. Its my tournament- its iggy's tournament. Iggy made me do it."

Team Cracken! Whip. Yeehaw. She's a cowgirl bayyyybe. Whip's sea creature accessory is an Electric Eel Whip. Neigh Neigh the horse has never appeared but they live in our hearts. Whip is canonically 'a cringe ass neigh neigh baby.' Vital lore information.

Exhibition match: Squid Jenny vs Chili's! Jenny and Jimbo have the same problem of being good at wracking up damage but struggling to close kills. Jenny is more of a recon specialist than a frontline fighter. Jenny supports all other contestants and is well known and well loved as an upstanding young member of the kerfuffle community. They shake hands and the commentators give their predictions for the tournament, by which i mean, guesses about who has the best chance of making p. rool bleed. Comona and Jay want to see Engie pull it off, Ryan thinks Bing can do it.

Round one, Jimbo vs Engie. Comona: "now, if this were two human players, Id say, now lets buckle in for a 24 minute set," absolutely zero faith in jimbo from jay and comona. The phrase 'not to play crimson's advocate' is used,

Jimbos first match against Engie is so embarrassing that engie throws the poor kid a southern hospitality pity stock next round. A slip of tongue results in the suggestion that engie tf2 is nonbinary. Jay: "i really dont know 'im that well, could be!" Engie: "y'dont need a gender t'solve PRACTICAL problems."

Jimbo manages to do better that next round, on the starfox stage that isnt the plane that i forget the name of, because engie couldn't pick up momentum after that thrown away stock and Jimbo took it and ran with it. Comona: "Jimbo was looking real comfortable up there in the vacuum of space, where I assume he was born…?" Ryan: "hes dadondorf's son, and who knows where dadondorf came from." Everything about dadondorf's background except his immediate familial relationships is an absolute mystery and I think thats delightful. it creates so many questions that will not be answered. He adopted a (Apparently Potentially Alien in Origin.) orphan hedgehog as a son after his birth parents' passing. He married a meat dragon. Jimbo's granddad is a fucking BOAT

Round 3 commences on Mementos. Jimbo's a gamer, but as a persona fan hes never actually played a persona game before, so he might be at a disadvantage. Jimbo has a bit of a panic attack during the set after losing first stock and loses his second with an SD. Jimbo manages to avoid a 3-stock and gets close to taking it to last stock, but no dice. To losers bracket with the poor emo kid.

Larry vs. Whip. Pre-match predictions for larry matches are pointless. donations from real life chat members serve the in-universe/in-character purpose of helping to pay for the high upkeep costs of the stadium and facilities with all these explosive, destructive matches going on here, which is kinda funny. Never seen a tournament arc where they mention the tournaments gotta crowdfund a budget for repairing the stage when someone hits someone else into the floor so hard they leave an anime crater because of how often it happens

Larry pulls out bubblegum banjo on wuhu island. Larry's in whips head, hes in the commentators heads, hes in the AUDIENCE'S heads. nobody knows wtf is goin on but its entertaining and he's winning. Whip is having fun and playing on the ledges. It is not doing her any good. Comona: "yknow, if Larry just had a main he might be one of the best players in kerfuffle history." Ryan: "bold of you to assume his adhd will allow him to focus on having a main." Comona: "thats what im Saying, like, if he Could, but that's just not how life is balanced." Jay: "the way i see it, Larry is so good BECAUSE he doesnt have a main. Hes got that GENERAL knowledge." Comona: "got those fundies down." Ryan: "mhm, a new character could come out today and he could probably beat you with 'em." Larry <3

They discuss how it must be rough for Whip as a newbie to get matched against Larry round one, the unpredictability probably rattling her a bit. Ryan: "I mean, it all depends on what Larry ends up rolling, if Larry rolls something she can deal with then Whip could do well, y'know?" Jay: "a good point." Comona: "mhm. An interesting thing, to not be in control of your own fate." Ryan: "That's why Larry thrives."

Larry rolls Peach, they suggest Whip's experience with her team leader Hoedown might help her some as far as familiarity with the fighting style goes. Larry gets a stitch very early and doesn't even bother to use it just to fuck with Whip. Just to flex. Despite Whip's strong damage lead, Larry takes first stock. Things go down to even on last stock, and whip manages to take one game. They make a game of trying to guess what character larry will be and they're all wrong he's blue dark pit and he decimates whip on warioware

Bing vs. P. Rool. Cue the booing. Bing you're not winning this one. Comona says Bing has been overshadowed by the Green Roy, Google, (before he's even been born,) and is out here to show his stuff as a perfectly respectable player in his own right. Bing has an inferiority complex over a guy that straight up doesn't exist yet. like a kid sibling getting jealous of the new baby getting all the attention before it's even born. Jay: "I have my… feelings, about P. Rool, obviously, but objectively, with my experiences with real life combat because this is all happening in real life, Bing has a sword, but P. Rool has projectiles he has no way to counter. It's coming down to P. Rool on this one." P. Rool has a strong damage lead and Bing Chromicides him about it. Then P. Rool stops him from recovering the next time theyre offstage for an instant. And then destroys his last stock with all the swift ease of swatting a fly. Ryan, terrified: "I THINK P. ROOL'S MAD, GUYS. I THINK HE'S OUT FOR BLOOD?" Jay, similarly shaken: "ive never seen him do that before." Comona: "this has gotten very personal." Ryan: "im worried for MY safety! Round 2 I guess!"

Bing takes it to Dracula's castle because he saw P. Rool lose to twist here. P. Rool takes first stock so quickly but Bing isnt going down without a fight and manages to take the next game in another very fast match. Bing takes P. Rool's first stock (and his own) in Yet Another Chromicide, truly his signature strategy when fighting a tough opponent is and has always been Youre Coming Down With Me, Fucker, because he struggles to be confident in his ability to win without also completely wrecking his own shit in the process. P. Rool takes game 3 and sends Bing to losers. Bing says he'll see P. Rool again next time, Jay mistakes it for sportsmanship before Ryan clarifies that no he's shittalking like hes gonna decimate that lizard the next time they fight. Truly Bing is this interesting blend of stupid, deeply insecure, and yet profoundly overconfident, all of which compound into a man who is straight up going to get himself killed in the stupidest most unnecessary possible way just trying to prove something noone was honestly asking him to someday

Dr. Order. vs Therapuppy <3 a scientist who's been creating artificial life in pursuit of creating the ultimate fighter aaaaaaand. A therapist. 'That she might probably need.' lol. First round is on midgar, Comona: "which is probably where Dr. Order resides. Big City where people won't uh. Question your experiments." As Therapuppy wracks up almost 90 damage without order landing a single hit, the Commentators guess that Dr. Order is having a hard time mentally psyching herself up to hit a puppy. Jay: "i feel very strongly that Dr. Order is evil, but not cruel." Oh how time will mark you as naive. Therapuppy steals Order's ball with her fishing rod twice and yeets her for the final stock.

Before round 2, Jay describes Dr. O as someone who has a knowledge of psychology, but like None of the people skills necessary to apply it usefully, unlike Therapuppy whose training in not only that but as a therapist and counselor give her a very particular dominance in the realm of mind games that leaves her with an inherent advantage in this matchup because Dr. Order thinks she knows more than she actually does. Comona references Short Skirt/Long Jacket by Cake in reference to thera. 'I want a therapist with a funny dogy and long, looooong fishing rod.'

the Doctor is nooooot the best as a fighter in terms of skill, but she is described by Comona as a hard hitter and her experience as a personal trainer (and coach, of her creations,) is touted as evidence she knows what it takes to create success and build strength, which. As we see later proves mostly only technically true to any extent of machi and quad, really. Despite this, order does manage to eek out a game two win against thera utilizing deep breathing. Jay: "i think Deep Breathing is some kind of experimental proprietary invention of Dr. Orders because lemme tell ya. I breathe and that doesn't happen." Ryan: "yeah but is your breathing deep." Jay: "gimme a sec lemme try that." Jay leaves. Comona and ryan giggle to themselves about him punching a hole in the wall as gamers are wont to do. Jay, returning: "MILLIONS ARE DEAD."

Round three goes stock for stock, therapuppy managing some excellent mind games and strategy. Therapuppy's happy to have (hopefully) helped the doctor and with the doctor's 'regular stoic vibe' shes like. "Interesting. I'll have to remember this." And goes to losers. Every cpuk villain starts off as vaguely stoic or otherwise emotionally restrained in some fashion and then just Unhinge at some point

Dark Jimbo vs. Whip Losers round one. Comona accurately predicts its going to be a looooong one, especially so with CPUs. this sets' record for The Longest Match in CPUK History's never been dethroned, and thats probably because it nearly singlehandedly drove the decision to add a timer. Especially funny remembering his dad hamhel fought the shortest, the legendary match from 20 with val that could fit, in its entirety, in one twitch clip. Jay: "dark jimbo has like… powers of darkness, right? Not like evil darkness powers, but like-" Ryan: "I mean, i thought it was just aesthetic, but he could, I mean we've seen stranger." This set runs so long it makes jimbo reconsider his approach to both combat and life itself and in his second match starts putting effort into closing out kills much more. Whip continues to play the patient waiting game and it doesn't pay off. First 2-0 of the night.

Bing vs. Dr. Order. Hell on earth. A point is made of how dr. Order's patient methodical combat mindset just doesnt work for someone who gets up in your face and stays there before you can think like bing does. Round one is on castle siege, which they joke about being microsoft headquarters. Bill Gates lives in a Fucking Castle. Bing keeps the lead for most of the match but Order brings it to last stock with a Fancy set of maneuvers. Heartbreaking: the worst person you know just got away with a sick move. Ryan: "this one isnt open and shut- Bing's an explosive player but eventually that's gonna blow up in his face." Bing takes it.

Ryan: "I think, Dr Order, like whip, thrives with very patient play, but thats not gonna work against bing, who is All About getting up in your face." The commentators agree- Dr. Order needs to adjust her strategy to be more aggressive. She does not do this. Bing also does not change his strats. Comona: "say what you will about Bing- he gets results." Jay: "just maybe not as many as google." lol

After losing, Dr Order pulls out a notebook to start writing something down as she leaves. Ryan: "thats not… something we should be worried about, should we…?" Jay: "this is fine."

Chat asked about them. Gen4's chilling. Is a platinum speedrunner (which is an oxymoron) now

Engie TF2 vs Larrold. Once again no point to predicting the outcome of larry matches, only measuring his opponents' adaptability. Larry rolls luigi and ryan and comona interpret this as Larry making fun of engie for being short. Ryan: "it doesnt feel like Engie is learning, if anything Larry's learning." Comona: "if larry's learning then this whole bracket is over." Ryan: "yeah, larry's a fucking learning computer." Jay: "do we have word from Squid Jenny if Larry can control who he gets?" Ryan: "sometimes. Only sometimes." Larry rolls mega'd man next and does 70 damage before engie can land even one hit, and survives on first stock to 200%. Engie alllllllllmost brings it back but larry still fucking gets him.

Comona: "Larry's really shining now- its good to see this kind of glowup from larry. hes always had some potential but honestly- its kind of- touching, Larry has embraced the chaos inside of himself and isnt hiding anymore, hes not afraid of it anymore and hes just here like 'This is who i am.'" shrimp emotions about this one

P. Rool vs. Therapuppy. Jay just got a phone call. Ryan and comona discuss. From the standpoint of the competition, comonas still pretty sure this is p. rools game, but that he's going to learn more from it than any other match he's ever fought in. Ryan thinks thera might take a game at least. Thera takes first stock despite p. rool's damage lead, and prool takes it to even, but thera makes shockingly short work of p. rool. Comona: "who knew that what p. rool really needed was Fucking Therapy?"

Jay gets a call from a friend in his dimension, and. His P. Rool is still there. He got a snapchat from him hes at quizno's with jacob. Thera starts the second match before the commentators can process this. Who the fuck is this guy because hes Not P. Rool. Jay: "think about it- how many times have i said he wasn't like this in my world?" Comona: "an IMPOSTER? AMONG US?"

P. Rool just has no counter strat for the fishing rod. Therapuppy 2-0s P. Rool, to the astonishment of the commentators. Jay explains after talking more with his P. Rool, that hes never come to this dimension even once for a kerfuffle. It's been this mystery guy the WHOLE time, in a case of identity theft. Chat ponders potential crimson involvement but ryan shoots this down as unlikely and sends Squid Jenny to ask the guy some questions. P. Rool grabs her, changing color with white-hot-rage and promptly starting a battle. This is E. Rool. Enraged K. Rool.

Ryan: "the therapy didnt Work, hes just Mad as Fuck now!" Comona: "he's resentful about how he's been treated- Which- which i guess is fair, but don't resort to violence against the TO! You're gonna get banned!" Ryan: "way he sees it, we clearly don't give a shit about the rules, why should he?" Comona: "which i mean… he… but we run the event, right…?" Ryan: "i mean yeah, we run the event, but that's just what he's saying." Jay: "realistically I see where he's coming from but identity theft and…" Comona: "but violence is never the answer. Harming your fellow man is…" Ryan: "your fellow squid, even." Comona: "your fellow squid or kid even." They are saying this about bloodsport. They are saying violence is never the answer about bloodsport. Comona expresses hope that this will help E. Rool get the frustration out of his system so he can calm down. Small voice. Small baby bird. and commends jenny for sticking out the fight in the meantime. They describe E. Rool's eyes as glazed over in a blind rage, like he's just absolutely gone, beyond reason. Home MD retrieves Jenny, she's in good condition, just in need of some medical attention. Ryan makes a joke about donating to help pay for jenny's medical bills and then has to clarify for chat that yes you do in fact get medical insurance working for iggy dont worry

E. Rool vs. Jimbo. They do not have high hopes. Jimbo does better than expected with a big target on the small bright stage of prism tower, he keeps it sorta even. E. Rool is playing cruel and cheap, fueled by the rage of both being cheated time and time again, and of being exposed as a fraud. He's so angry that he's just letting himself get hit. In the second round they get a darker stage, and Jimbo's doing better, getting hits in. Comona: "hes like batman, he thrives in the darkness." Ryan: "he is just like batman, in fact i think the fact that you just said that gave him power." He loves batman. One of his idols, jay says. So excited about the comparison. Imagining jimbo in a little batman costume for halloween. adorable. Anyway he footstooled E. Rool about it. Truly jimbo's performance in combat is directly tied to his current self-esteem. Jimbo brings it to last stock but doesn't win. The commentators get scared hes gonna SD again but Jimbo says 'nah those days are behind me now that im BATMAN' and then immediately gets launched into the blast zone. E. Rool: "im da joker, baby."

Bing vs. Engie tf2. Theyre pretty confident in Bing. Jay: "in comparison to bing, engie over heres looking like yahoo." Chat: "bing gonna make engie look like jeeves." Bing gets runover by a boat twice. Bing hates water. Greatest weakness. future lore making this Bing also getting killed instantly by space hornets. The commentators call game one a very overconfident homie game. Engie keeps schmoving around him but Bing manages to take it to last stock, but Engie ultimately 2-0s. Bing tells engie to take care of the big man for him.

Winners Finals. Larry vs Therapuppy. The winners finals noone expected but everyone wanted. The populist's choice. Comona thinks this will be a tough one for therapuppy, because larry is already Very comfortable with who he is, even if, for the good of Society that might be best changed. Hes comfy with the chaos. Therapuppy's goal is making people happy and better and Larry's already got himself figured out. Jay thinks this is still in therapuppy's corner because nobody knows what to do with the fishing rod and he doesnt think larry's an exception. Larry lies to a therapist about being illiterate on international television, potentially to avoid confronting his trauma on the same internationally televised scale. <3 florida schools dont teach you to read but they do teach you to handle gators. Therapuppy presses, trying to get to the root of why not being able to read makes him so insecure, and Larry's probably just doing everything in his power not to laugh. Round 1 goes to thera.

Larry rolls lonk from pennsylvania for round 2 on skyloft, or rather, either lenk from north carolina or lunk from ohio. Take your pick the commentators can't decide, but one way or another he's 'betraying even his origins,' even as the commentators also decide skyloft overlooks florida. Larry gets real silly with this one, takes it to last stock, but Therapuppy 2-0s, sending Larry to losers.

E. Rool vs. Engie tf2. Jay thinks hes too angry right now to fight smart, so engie Might take it. Chat asks if E. Rool is a free agent, and the commentators say they dont know, they dont know much about E. Rool except that hes mad as hell, strong as hell and a Liar. Jay speculates that Team Chonk might consider kicking him out with these new developments. Engie struggles to close a kill without the help of the stage, and no hat is hard enough to stop E. Rool from crushing his skull. The second round is only more painful. Engie manages one funny stock before E. Rool kills him dead.

Losers finals. Larry vs. E. Rool. Utmost excitement from the commentators. Larry pulls out sans hoodie ice climbers to megalovania. They go stock for stock down to the wire and Larry takes it and its legendary i dont need to give the play by play its all match commentary because its So Much that theres just nothing else to talk about. E. Rool: "how did i lose???" Larry, turning back to original form: "heh. maybe its the way you're dressed."

Round 2. Larry rolls Venus skin palu (before venus even exists.) This does not go as well as the ice climbers as far as weird picks goes, E. Rool leads the whole round. Ryan gets mad at Larry doing less well this round and has to remind himself not to expect anything of him and just enjoy the ride. He's not great at Palu, so E. Rool takes it, but Larry started taking it back more toward the end than expected. Lategame matches before voice acting became a bigger part of the format tend to have a lot less lore in them because the commentators are too tense about the actual matches themselves.

Round 3, Larry rolls kirby, its very even, E. Rool bled in his fight with Machi. Its apparent, though, that Larry's more interested in this being a good show than winning, and brings it to last stock even damage, but Larry finally gets yeeted. Commentators express certainty that in terms of raw skill, these two are equals, and Larry lost because the unpredictable factors of his condition simply didnt quite roll in his favor today.

E. Rool vs. Therapuppy. True finals. Therapuppy takes first stock after only moments of doubt from ryan, maintains a lead on at least damage the rest of the first match. Fishing rod inescapable. E. Rool's getting Scared of it, but E. Rool manages to take first round only because he survives to 200% and thera is much more launchable than him. Thera doesnt mind losing- she takes it in stride and goes into their second round with a smile. Round 2, thera makes it to 200% before losing first stock, E. Rool leads this match, until thera spikes him for his second stock. They end up even almost blow for blow on last stock until thera finally smashes him into the blast zone to take it. Round 3, norfair florida. Thera's just having a good time. E. Rool's so mad hes not thinking and its making it difficult for him to learn and adapt to Thera's plays, so thera sticks with the tried and true tactics and things keep fairly even, up until the end. E. Rool bracket resets.

Everyone takes a nice break, things have been way, way too tense in a scary sort of way, but E. Rool seems to calm down, and he and Therapuppy are seen having a talk, (Apparently one reason in-universe there were less visible voiceacted scenes at this point was just not having the sound equipment for it,) and since Jenny's down right now Home fills in for her to check up on things- and E. Rool almost attacks him, but Thera talks him down. The commentators reevaluate- is he really that bad of a guy? Like, he's been playing the heel, but realistically, the only reason he's gotten so angry and unmanageable is because HE'S following the rules and no one else is, and until things hit this boiling point he hadn't really even put up that much of a stink about it, beyond a little complaining. Home MD comes back with a report: his real name. Plum K. Rool. Thats always been his name- there was just a bit of a… mixup, because he shortens it to P. Rool too, and he kinda… ran with it. Played it like a character. A lie he didn't even intend to be telling at first just got too big.

Thera and Plum run into the reset in good spirits. Plum's doing better taking a step back and just enjoying the ride. Still sucks that he took out his anger on Jenny- and hes not feeling too good about it either- the tournament will surely be followed by apologies, or maybe he'll continue to be a heel about it, but either way the commentators are fine with that- its just good to see the competitors remember that in the end it's just a game, and it's supposed to be fun. A good time. The commentators discuss how dangerous E. Rool clearly was during his blind rage- and how Thera couldve easily gotten seriously hurt if she hadnt been careful. Things go to last stock, even% on round one of the reset, and thera almost takes it but fails to recover. Second round is on mario maker, P. Rool's favorite stage. Cute. Thera takes it, sending it to game 3 of reset on dreamland, final round. The whole sets been electric, down to last stocks of last sets with short leads, P. Rool fearing and respecting Thera's power but ultimately juuuuust clinching a win.

Therapuppy: "Congratulations P. Rool! Im happy for you!" Plum: "b. I. H. i thought. You didnt. You didnt want me to win?" Thera: " course not. You're my friend! Course im happy that you won, why wouldnt i be?" Plum: "yknow what? thanks therapuppy. Thanks." And they have a nice hug.

Ryan claims that if P. Rool actually wins he'll actually let him win this time. Plum K. Rool vs. Captain Valen- hold up. Squid Jenny, who is fine now, getting a report from the field. Val and Plum are talking, and asked Val who his best friend is, and hes got no idea who to say except johannsen. Not sure if he was just caught off guard by the odd question and picked the rat as the first friend that came to mind or if hes genuinely made better friends with the rat in the past month or so than he is with gordo's revenge, visible man or rights sentience but the former feels more likely. Either way Plum wants to make the champion bout a team doubles match to celebrate his victory with the only person who's really rooted for him. Thera says she would've done the same. Val and jojo have pretty good team synergy. It goes down to thera vs. val on last stock and val takes it, remaining champion. Comona: "where valentine goes, johannsen follows." Ryan: "yeah, ever since dantoinette kind of- yknow."

And so dusks the P.rool arc and the dawn of Spoiler alert! doctor order being the Worst rises.

#cpu kerfuffle #rewatch

4 notes · View notes