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warabidakihime · 3 months

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Rules and Roses Chapter 2

★ characters: kibutsuji muzan x reader x akaza

★ plot summary: Kibutsuji Muzan has finally decided to expand his empire, and the way he intends to do so is by running for the highest political position. With you, his darling wife, at his side, he believes he can achieve and have everything the world has to offer. He is, after all, the Phoenix of Phario.

★ fic playlist: sometimes, same day, as time stops, wolf’s song (this is also the vision board for the fic).

★ content warnings : implied violence and abuse, profanities, toxic relationships, smut.

★ Previous Chapter

a/n:

hello!!!

first of all, i am so sorry for taking so long to update this story. ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

life happened and i got sooo busy. the time i uploaded this fic was when i just started at my new workplace and shortly after a few weeks, i was already preoccupied with work. at first, i was laser-focused on getting used to my new work and the culture. then later on, i found myself playing a more important role in the office that required my undivided attention lol. besides that, so many things happened in my personal life as well that i didn't have the time and energy to write.

btw i'm now a writer by profession as well so oftentimes i would feel drained af after writing corporate write-ups. tbh, i also got hit by writer's block, especially for this fic because the plot i have in mind for it is lowkey intricate, and for the most part, i haven't decided on what route i should take story-wise. so during those 2 years, i was constantly trying to reconstruct the story in my head, and here we are!

i'm back but i'm not so sure about updating regularly as i'm still incredibly busy, but i will do my best! the latest kny seasons inspired me to write again (aka my crush for muzan lol).

hopefully, everyone is still here to read this. ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

as always, comments and kudos are highly appreciated!

happy reading!

"Can you outline your key policy platforms should you be elected President of Phario? Given your extensive background in the human resource industry as well as your rich connections owing to your business ventures in Obelisk Kibutsuji, do you first plan to address the pressing issue of the national unemployment rate?"

"Indeed, that's correct. As President, one of my top priorities will be to strengthen our nation's workforce, which is crucial for advancing our economy. I have a comprehensive plan focused on job creation, vocational training, and support for small businesses. These initiatives will not only reduce unemployment but also stimulate innovation and competitiveness within our economy.

I also aim to implement policies that ensure equal access to education, equipping our citizens with the skills needed for the evolving job market. Healthcare reform is high on my agenda. I'll ensure healthcare assistance is accessible to everyone, public hospitals are well-maintained, and healthcare workers are fairly compensated and protected by the state in any dire situations. Additionally, I'll push for technological advancements and infrastructure development to attract both local and foreign investments.

Addressing social issues is equally important, and as a devoted ally of these communities, I'm committed to fighting all forms of discrimination, especially against women and the LGBTQ+ community. We must ensure everyone, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or identity, has equal opportunities and protections under the law.

Moreover, I'll advocate for the rights and welfare of people with disabilities, ensuring they have access to the necessary resources and support to lead fulfilling lives. This includes improving accessibility in public spaces and promoting inclusive employment practices.

Animal welfare will also be a significant focus. We need to enact and enforce laws that protect animals from abuse and ensure humane treatment.

Lastly, I'll champion the rights of minorities and immigrants. Our nation is built on the strength of its diversity, and it's imperative we create an inclusive society where everyone feels valued and respected. This includes reforming immigration policies to be fair and humane and implementing programs that support the integration and empowerment of minority communities.

In essence, my administration will be dedicated to creating a sustainable and inclusive economic environment where every Pharian has the opportunity to thrive and contribute to our nation's progress."

Muzan stood confidently at the podium, a modest yet proud smile gracing his face after addressing a journalist's question amidst a room bustling with media personnel.

Today was the day where presidential candidates shared their platforms, which also served as an open forum for engaging with the press and fielding inquiries on a wide array of topics—from current events to personal matters.

With his seasoned composure before cameras and crowds, Muzan navigated the spotlight effortlessly. His articulate delivery drew admiration from all corners as he outlined his plans for the presidency, filling you with pride as you watched from the audience.

Among the attendees, your smile beamed with pride and unconditional support for him. Akaza, who is sitting right beside you, maintained a stoic demeanor outwardly, though inwardly, he couldn't deny a hint of impressed regard. Muzan's comprehensive platform and commanding presence left an undeniable impact on him.

Eloquence had always been Muzan's forte, a skill honed through years of being a businessman and somewhat of a public figure, as among his peers and in the business landscape in general, he is well-revered and widely celebrated.

Beyond his ability to articulate ideas, he possessed a magnetic charisma—an invaluable trait for navigating the intricate world of politics and public service.

Several hours later, the policy speech slash press conference finally ended, and now you were on your way to meet up with Muzan at the lobby of the hotel where the gathering was held when a few journalists spotted you among the sea of people who were also exiting the function room.

Akaza was right behind you and is also on full alert, an important instruction your husband told him when he appointed him as your personal bodyguard a few years back. Committed to his duty, he stood there in a stance where he is ready to take action should anything happen that is out of the ordinary.

Mics were stretched out and placed within just a few inches of your face, and one of them took the liberty to ask you a question: "What are your thoughts on Kibutsuji Muzan's campaign platforms?”

Very much like your husband, you also wore a modest yet confident smile on your face as you held eye contact with the journalist who asked you that question before displaying your own version of eloquence as you answered,

"To say that I am proud while listening to him share and advocate for the causes he wholeheartedly believed in would be the biggest understatement of the decade," you said with a fond chuckle before continuing, "even before he filed for his candidacy and even way before he became the man we all know now, he has always been outspoken about these things. He would always share with me his desire of making significant changes in the world, hoping no more children would have to endure what he did. As many of you know, Muzan, my dear husband, came from very humble beginnings, and unlike me, he has faced challenges far beyond my own. His vision and intuition surpass that of most, and so, as cliché as it may sound, his words and strong convictions carry a weight and authenticity that are strong enough to enable him in doing the impossible and inspire others to believe that a better future is within our grasp."

Akaza listened intently to your answer, finding himself captivated by your words. The way you addressed the press made you sound like a candidate yourself who's also sharing her platform. In that moment, he couldn't help but feel an overwhelming surge of pride as he continued to absorb your statements.

The journalists surrounding you mirrored his sentiment, clearly impressed by your response—no surprise from the esteemed Ballerina Queen of Phario.

It had been quite some time since you last entertained interviews, having retired and chosen to stay away from public engagements.

"Among the plethora of initiatives he wishes to take action on once he's elected, what resonated with you the most?"

You paused, contemplating the list of campaigns your husband had presented earlier. Just as you were about to respond, an arm encircled your waist and gave it a tender squeeze.

It was Muzan.

"Knowing my wife's love for animals, I'm certain she's most excited about what I have planned for animal welfare," Muzan interjected warmly.

You playfully rolled your eyes, eliciting amusement from not only your husband and your respective bodyguards but also the press. "You say that as if it's a bad thing," you quipped.

Muzan chuckled fondly. "Not at all, my love. Your passion for animals is one of the many reasons I fell for you."

The same journalist who had asked you the second question now directed his attention to Muzan, eager for his response. "Based on the most recent public survey, you're likely the most favored candidate to win the elections. What can you say about that, Sir Kibutsuji?"

Muzan smiled bashfully at the reporter, his eyes reflecting a mix of humility and determination. "I'm incredibly honored and thankful that our fellow countrymen have placed such faith and confidence in me. It's a humbling reminder of the trust they have in our vision for a brighter future. This campaign has always been about bringing real change to Phario, addressing the pressing issues our nation faces with innovative solutions and inclusive policies. The support we're seeing reflects not just my efforts, but the collective desire of our people for progress and unity."

He paused briefly, his gaze sweeping across the room, before continuing with renewed conviction, "Though I would like to emphasize that I don't take this trust lightly, it actually fuels my commitment to serve with integrity and purpose, to listen to the voices of every Pharian, and to lead with compassion and foresight."

By now, the press was highly satisfied with the answers both of you had given, granting you the freedom to depart. Clearly spent after the eventful day, you exchanged farewells and well-wishes before going your separate ways.

With Muzan's arm still draped around your waist, he guided you towards the grand entrance of the hotel. Meanwhile, Akaza made his way to the basement parking lot to retrieve your car, preparing to drive you both home. Kokushibo remained close to Muzan, ensuring your security as you awaited the car's arrival.

Turning to Muzan, unfazed by the bustling activity around you, you placed a tender kiss on his lips, smiling warmly. "Great job out there, my love. You did so well today. I'm incredibly proud of you."

Clearly elated, Muzan mirrored your smile and returned your affection with a gentle kiss on your forehead. "Thank you, darling. Your support means everything to me."

"Truly, I was beaming throughout your speech. You were absolutely amazing. Phario is fortunate to have such an admirable leader like you," you praised sincerely.

Right there and then, Muzan couldn't help but raise his eyebrow and playfully smile at you, prompting a confused raise of your own eyebrow.

"What's that look for?" you asked.

Muzan shook his head with a playful smirk before replying, "You're not showing favoritism now, are you, my love? I know you adore me, but let's keep it fair, hmm?" he teased, his tone light-hearted and affectionate.

You rolled your eyes at his playful accusation. "Ha-ha. Very funny, Muzan. I'll take it back, then."

Muzan laughed wholeheartedly, drawing attention once again. "I was just joking!" He then smiled warmly at you, his eyes reflecting pride. "Thank you," he said sincerely. "Hearing that from you means more than any applause, you know?"

You reached out to pinch his cheeks. "You play too much sometimes, you know?" you said with a chuckle before continuing, "But like I said, hearing you speak today—and in all those times you shared your aspirations with me from when we were students up to now, as you finally have the opportunity to make all come true—it's evident how deeply committed you are. Beyond your skills and capabilities, your passion is what makes you so compelling, Muzan. It's what makes me believe in you, too."

Minutes later, while waiting by the entrance, Akaza finally pulled up with the car. You and Muzan bid farewell to those around you before stepping into the comfort of your vehicle.

As the city lights blurred past the windows, you reflected on the day's events.

"You know," you began, glancing at Muzan beside you, "I have a feeling your speech today touched more hearts than just mine."

Muzan smiled softly, intertwining his fingers with yours.

"I hope so. Though the election is still months away, and who knows how things might shift, that's why I don't want to take any of this for granted. I'm in this for the long haul. You'll be there with me, won't you?"

He looked over to you, and in that moment, despite his big words, he looked absolutely adorable, with his ruby eyes shining at you and his lips slightly pouty as he waited for your response, which you gladly provided through the means of placing yet another sweet and passionate kiss on his lips and squeezing his hand reassuringly.

"I'll always be here for you, Muzan, through every challenge and triumph."

"I love you," he whispered lovingly, his expression sincere and heartfelt.

"And I love you," you replied with equal affection.

With a comforting squeeze of your hand, you nestled against Muzan's shoulder, feeling a sense of contentment as the car navigated through familiar streets towards home.

Meanwhile, in the driver's seat, Akaza's face remained unreadable. He was outwardly indifferent to the tender exchange between you and Muzan, but inwardly, he was seething with rage.

You think you're so clever, spouting all those promises and pretty words, playing the saint for the public eye. But I see through you. You're nothing but a manipulative snake, a liar wrapped in a facade of righteousness.

His gaze hardened and his grip on the wheel tightened as he stared ahead, the streetlights casting shadows on his determined expression.

One day, your mask will slip.

I will fucking rip it off your face, even if it's the last thing I do.

171 notes · View notes

a-d-nox · 8 months

Note

Hello, can you please give me your take on ☄️ Varuna in the 4h (conjunct IC) and opposite MC, at an aries degree ? 👱

varuna (asteroid 20000), what's his sign/degree, where he sits in a chart, and his aspects

after receiving quite a few asks and comments about varuna aspects and placements i decided to continue the series (reminders: @e11e27 , @cosmiccvnt ).

IMPORTANT: varuna is a slow moving asteroid it is very likely that everyone reading this will have a cancer varuna. mainly the sign/degree section is for the degree. other than that, the house and the aspects made to varuna are highly important in this post!

all of this is in my opinion. some of it you may be like how tf did she come up with this. my answer: intuition and experience with other people's charts that i have available to me. warning i can be harsh: please don't take everything i say as predestined, astrology is possible outcomes not guaranteed ones. plus let's not forget orbs matter, dominance matters, etc. it's never just varuna. this is just a starting place for when examining a single asteroid in an entire galaxy. take what resonates and leave what doesn't.

*all of these observations are based on a natal chart - solar return and persona charts will change all these observations because the context is different*

!!! RETROGRADE MAKES ALL OF THESE THINGS LISTED BELOW SUPER STRESSFUL OR SLOW TO APPEAR IN YOUR LIFE!!!

signs/degrees

aries (1°, 13°, 25°): you might feel the urge to control things. it is likely important and even vital for you to control every activity that you are involved it. this may be trust thing - you likely struggle to trust those around you fully; especially, when it comes to your welfare and the welfare of others. you are likely a natural leader. often you may use your energy to get what needs to happen done. the unfortunate part is that people with this placement tend to be forced out of power or even into retirement. often you are likely to use your brain power to take initiative to get things done... however, you might struggle with keeping balance - you might be a bit of an extremist and some may even say you are forceful.

taurus (2°, 14°, 26°): you might find yourself wanting to control beauty standards and your monetary life. early in life, you could struggle with feeling in control of your beauty (acne, inability to keep up with trends, etc) and/or your money. when finally get both under your control via routine and saving/budget, you are likely to cling to the control mechanism for each. in the age of social media, you might find yourself influencing others on those topics - however, you might want to be careful that you don't get cancelled for being to rigid in your thoughts/beliefs on the topics. it might be a lesson for you to learn that there is a fine line to balance beauty and ugly or saving for some day and living life to the fullest. beauty can be found in all things and you can't put a price on happiness.

gemini (3°, 15°, 27°): you likely find yourself wishing to control communication with others and involving others. you might really enjoy gossip because gossip tends to involve knowledge that gives you power. if you can control who knows what, you likely feel in control and powerful... but with great power comes great responsibility. it is very important that you are selective who you tell what to because if you tell someone the wrong thing, you might find yourself having a social fall from grace. in the gossip realm, it could be something like you tell someone something and they then tell the person who it is about that you were the one that told them this gossip. being someone who collects knowledge via communication, you might find yourself a moderator or needing a lot of social recharge time in order to feel at peace / in balance. as a knowledgable person, you likely enjoy reading about philosophy and morals.

cancer (4°, 16°, 28°): this placement has some hardcore domestics vibes - it tends to feel like they are good at all things involving the home. you could even have a naturally green thumb. you know how to sell your vision of the future to those around you. you also could be super involved in local government (stars hollow vibes, if you know, you know, Gilmore Girls fans). you likely have great morality where justice in a community is best served. you naturally wish to protect those in your family (both your blood and chosen family that is) - you will do whatever it takes to do so. there is a chance that your "fall from grace" in the eyes of those around you is just you slowing down and appreciating where you're at in life - it could also just indicate falling off the radar when you go into retirement. a goal for this placement also tends to be, you want everyone to feel safe in your environment.

leo (5°, 17°, 29°): you might have the mindset that you are the rightful leader and that you should be in control of most things. while i believe that you have great leadership abilities (i feel like you are extremely moral/responsible as a leader), i also believe that you may want to be more openminded to collaborating. you are a great organizer, but you should also practice delegating. with this placement, you might find yourself the most likely of the bunch to lose your power... you will want to balance your power with pleasure - while you may derive pleasure from power, you must realize that you can get pleasure from other sources too, like creative entertainment for instance.

virgo (6°, 18°): i get this feeling that you would make a really good administrator or accountant - you are very good at keeping the details under control. but "the devil is in the details" - no one person can be in control of everything... you might find yourself failing to keep everything under control, or that your status changes after you say that you have everything under control. something is bound to happen that will make you realize you have less control than you think. for those in a medical profession, you might believe that a patient is fine one moment then the next they are deceased. these things happen - not everything is predictable. the world is a place of homeostasis - this virgo placements often strive for prefect or a semblance of control that is just not realistic. take the tricky/bad with the good.

libra (7°, 19°): ugh, you guys try the hardest to maintain balance... especially, in terms of relationships. compromise is likely very important to you - often it appears that you can do so with grace, but be aware that your idea of what is just is not the same as everyone else's. others might look down on you for your ego in believing that you know best / what is right and wrong. remember to compromise with others as they compromise with you. anywho you are gifted at elegantly handling many things at once - things that are a struggle for others, often aren't as a big a struggle for you.

scorpio (8°, 20°): i feel like you are often very passionate about having control. you need to know everything and feel like you have some measure of control to feel at peace. you don't mind sleuthing on those around you, so you can make them feel comforted and as though they can let their guard down around you. just like you have the power to end others, they also have the ability to ruin you. at some point, you might find yourself casted out / eliminated by those around you. you need to learn a balance when it comes to purging the world and curiosity. sometimes you have to just be grateful for what you have and let a mystery be a mystery.

sagittarius (9°, 21°): this gives political vibes. i feel like a lot of people with these degrees will find themselves wanting to control whole societies (thus the political vibes). you might find yourself wanting to be in the political realm, otherwise you might just want to influence society (perhaps via social media). usually, this is a morality thing - you are on a moral high ground and have a vision of what is good and what is bad. perhaps it is because you have an innate wisdom about humanity and an idealism that could manifest within this society, if we had mores become norms. unfortunately, you might not have the endurance to withstand dealing with things such as this in the long term sense. you are devoted to spreading wisdom and sharing your vision for the future, but it becomes very exhausting after awhile because so few actually listen and take action.

capricorn (10°, 22°): you seek order, organization, and efficiency - you will do whatever it takes to obtain it. often you might find yourself fighting for order for a very long time - these people typically don't mind cleaning or organizing professionally for a long period of time because it helps them feel at peace, and they like to help others also feel at peace. of course, you will eventually slow down due age - you might feel depressed when you notice clutter accumulating because you realize you simply can't keep up with things anymore. alternatively, you might find yourself forced to retire from your profession - you might feel like you are still sharp, but others will see that you are making too many mistakes which will lead them to force you out of your position. these people often seek balance in their schedule because they tend to have a lot that they wish to do, and as they say, "very little time to actually do so"...

aquarius (11°, 23°): the controlling friend... not the best look and it is funny too because in the beginning you might have really good intentions. you might want all your friends to get together regularly to do something fun, but after awhile people might accuse you of nagging. you might find yourself becoming a moderator in an online group forum and "controlling" what others are allowed to do in that sense. i only mean to make you aware - just because you want to see progress or to have fun and do new things, does not mean that others would enjoy doing so and will follow your every word. you might be someone who believes in altruism - so practice it. don't do things hoping to get praised by those around you. often the people who are around you know very little about who you actually are so try not to present yourself as bossy and as though you seek accolade for every little thing you do. you will quickly notice that others will turn away from you, if you do that. progress over notoriety is key.

pisces (12°, 24°): it is hard to say what this placement would seek to control; perhaps, you are the only one in the mix who doesn't really wish to be in control of anything. you might be the type that prefers to have options - you might struggle with having to come up with everything on your own. the illusion of having control is more important than actually having control. you don't seek absolute power, you prefer limited power likely because you have the tendency of fearing disappointing others. ironically, if you did disappoint someone, you might seek to make it up to them by any means necessary, thusly you give them control over you and then situation. life is an abstract concept and you likely will come to understand a majority of that in you time. you might realize the limitations of knowledge, power, and morality and see that there exists more grey and neutrality then there does omniscience, omnipotence, and pure good.

houses

1h: you may feel as though you were born to be in control of the elements around you. you could be a generally moral individual because you constantly self-evaluate. for you controlling your actions and having restraint is rather easy, but, one day, you might give in to temptation and feel as though you are spiraling. it is important that you notice that life has its ups and downs; moderation is the only way to feel you are acknowledging all your actions and inactions.

2h: money is the name of the games. money makes you feel powerful and safe. if you have the money you need, you feel like you have room to give to and receive from others. your aim is likely wealth - ultimately you want to have an emergency fund so that if something were to happen you can still feel like you have the money you need to keep going or so you can retire and still live comfortably. but it is give and take; you can't just hoard money right now - at least a majority of you can't because you have to continue to live and living costs money. make money to live - spend money to continue to make money... give yourself permission to live a little - it is great to save but take a look at what you are saving for. no future is certain.

3h: i feel like this can be such a tricky placement. varuna is about control, but the 3h tends to require openness and flexibility to the world around you... it might be difficult for you because you are constantly being forced to adapt to some sort of new knowledge, new communication technique, or new environment. do not be hard on yourself. control is not everything. you can only control what you can communicate, what you know / are open to learning, and where you go - you can't control what others say, what they know / are open to, and where they go. it will be fine just keep being your wonderful self. communicate, learn, and walk around a bit. new things don't have to be scary.

4h: are you varuna or is someone else varuna? that is up to you to figure out with this placement. typically, i see this as people who are either controlling or controlled by their family. often, i see this as people who are in charge of their household as well; you might be the one who makes the dinner, pays the bills, cleans the house, etc even from a rather young age. it can be a struggle though because after doing all that for such a long time you might find you are exhausted and simply can't do it anymore know that it is okay to be burnt out - it is okay to be overwhelmed when you do everything like you do. alternatively, you might feel like you have no say in your family or in your home. it could feel like you are "low man on the totem pole" - even when you try to help or do something you somehow "mess it up" and a parent (typically, your mother) will take away your responsibilities because "you can't be trusted to do the task".

5h: you can't control anything in this bracket funnily enough, so you are likely to feel very tested... you can't control a child - especially, not your own. you will likely never see half of what is coming until it has already happened where your own child is concerned. you can't control chance, creativity, nor, and most importantly, love. when you try to control any of these, you will notice quite a few things... your children are likely to leave your home the moment they are reasonably capable of doing so. when you try to control chance, others might state you are a "stalker" or a "control freak". when you try to control creativity, you might close yourself off to inspiration and originality. and when you try to control love, you are likely to find yourself alone... so don't embrace varuna too heavily with this placement. instead, be open. this placement is great if you want to be an agent, producer, art teacher, guide your children, be dominant in romance, etc. but a key lesson will be the art of letting go because that is when the magic truly happens.

6h: i can't decide if you are a health guru or a g-calendar wiz. maybe it is both. it is astounding nonetheless because you have unbreakable control over your own elements. you might know what marcos are in your meals, what time blocking is, how long it takes to burn fat, etc. it is great by also i feel like you are incredibly hard on yourself; just because you missing one day does not mean it is over. one missed day doesn't mean you have failed - yes, your routine is messed up BUT it is just for the day. it is just for the day - tomorrow is a new day.

7h: these people tend to have their hands on a lot of contractual things - it feels very lawyer like. you will likely deal with agreements, settlements, contracts, controversy, etc. this is the placement of "i have it all under control" and generally you do. you tend to find yourself in an alliance of sorts; sometimes it is with your public enemy and other times it is with your lover - either way it is likely that whichever one you partner with will take over your power at some point in time. this could be a source of controversy in your life.

8h: another placement were you must learn it is okay to lack control... you can't control change, death, nor what you inherit. change is inevitable - if you refuse to change, you refuse to grow... if you refuse death, you forget to live or you find yourself mourning what isn't lost yet in the waking world. if you try to control what you inherit - well genetically you simply can't - you will be disappointed and find yourself removed from legal will(s) entirely. so you have to be open to change. you have to live. you have to be grateful and live in the moment - not in the future.

9h: be open to learning. you are in control of what knowledge you let sit in your mind. allow yourself to take all knowledge with a grain of salt. it is important that you learn everything that you possibly can - be worldly, get a different perspective, learn different philosophies/religions, etc. you will find yourself at a lost when you close yourself off, are too devoted to a single entity of knowledge, you stay at home, and/or you refuse to follow your intuition. open up and be willing to learn new things - this will help you to be the best version of you possible.

10h: often this placement loves a title - they enjoy having status and power. you likely enjoy the authority and/or notoriety that is associated with a title. the higher up you are the more at peace and comfortable you feel. however, the higher up you are, the further you can fall - so be mindful of your place. often with a high status comes a level of popularity. with popularity you have to be mindful of the power you have over influencing others. you are someone that others look up to, so be worthy of being looked up to.

11h: acquaintances, companions, friends, etc your contact with others make you strong and powerful. you might find that you have a number of people around you that are willing to help you get to high places and to reach your hopes and dreams. however, for this to be the case, you have to be aware of how you present yourself to others and the world around you. you also have to be careful that you aren't manipulating people into doing something solely for your gain. just because the people around you have influence, doesn't mean that you should expect their help. never expect to be given something without making a show of faith and effort. help others to see you are worthy and not just demanding a free hand-out.

12h: you are the secret keeper - a lock box for the unconscious and subconscious. you are in control of what you do and do not share with others. others are likely to lean on you to safe guard their issues, secrets, etc. the one thing you can't control with this placements is karma - karma is in control of it's self and will ultimately catch up with you. this, of course, causes your downfall/woe... the best way to keep in check is to resist sharing things that are meant to be a secret / private.

aspects from varuna to

sun: positive aspects: you might be shocked to learned that when you are in control, people follow your every command. you are someone who was given power because you have earned it. your achievements afford you authority and advancement. i find that these people are the best to be in power because they are selfless - they seek balance and fairness first and foremost - which is highly commendable. negative aspects: you may wish to be in control of most every situation and frequently fail to recognize that your ideals and desires are not everyone else's. you may fail to see that you are not always the best person to be in control of the situation, you may come off as slightly arrogant and/or as though you brag about your accomplishments very often to the point of annoyance. your ideas may not be popular opinion among others - and you have to accept that.

moon: positive aspects: you adapt well - your ability to keep up with the ever-changing world around you is what aids you to maintain balance and control. your emotions are a superpower; you feel for those around you which makes you all the more moral and fair. you might feel like you are popular and/or worshiped simply for showing sympathy/empathy and being flexible. negative aspects: i feel like you often wish for others to change on behalf of you - you likely fail to realize that the world doesn't revolve around you. it is a rarity that people will drop everything to help you regain security/balance. that is something you have to do on your own - which is likely to be what causes you a lot of stress. you likely won't find it fair that people aren't helping you - but that is the task of varuna. you have to do your own thing without the aid of others and most often the "others" that you wish would help you the most are your parents/family... be sympathetic/empathetic towards others as you wish they would be with you. it is not easy being human and even less so when you are depending on others without understanding who they are outside of their connection either you.

mercury: positive aspects: you likely depend heavily on communication - you are very particular about what you say and how you say it. accurate communication is key and then comprehension of that information. personally you are likely very good at communicating accurately and comprehending information. you are even very good at being adaptable to new information. you very easily can find yourself back on track if the communication with you and those around you is good. negative aspects: you can only control what you say - you can't control others or what they take away from what you say. you might struggle with efficient communication which throws off a lot of things in your life. you have to practice only communicating what is true/accurate - try your best to not say things you aren't 100% certain of because you will either find yourself in trouble or struggling to get things back in control (things are likely to get out of hand). you might also need to work on comprehension of verbal and written communication.

venus: positive aspects: you have a very powerful gift - controlling the admiration of others. in fact, you will likely find yourself a social media starlet or "famous" on some level. you could even control how desirable you are to those around you. for you it is not about control or balance, it is about finding bliss. you don't really want control or power, you want to be happy and be loved by others. negative aspects: i feel like you are the type of person who gets rather annoyed when people "mimic" you - even though it is common. "imitation is the best form of flattery" they say... but you? you take it personally; you don't like or appreciate when people appear as a "threat" - you especially hate when they get more attention then you did when using your concept. you desire to be seen as a sole entity but that is just not the way of the world any more - everyone copies everyone and most fame is not long-term (social media trends change, you age out of a concept, cancel culture, etc). you have to be okay with admiration no matter how you receive it.

mars: positive aspects: oof it you aren't in charge, you need to be. you are the one who gets things done. we need more doers in this world. you have a passion for achieving balance in the realm around you. you have the ability to control the activity of many people at once which is good too - you would/do make a good supervisor and/or manager in this lifetime. negative aspects: be very careful that you don't come off as controlling... it is likely that you will be seen as such. varuna a god centered on balance and mars is war and chaos - war is messy and unpredictable when functioning at its finest. so the two concepts do not fit together, thusly making for someone who is overly aggressive in having control or someone who attempts to stay away from actively doing anything at all. often your passions get in the way of you being logical and orderly, or you likely face decision fatigue.

jupiter: positive aspects: you are an incredible advisor; you have such wonderful knowledge and wisdom. you can really benefit a lot of people by sharing and being in a seat of power where you can help others - so explore and learn. you are someone who promotes the expansion of the world around you. you are someone who likes the formality of a hierarchy which promotes respect and loyalty. loyalty is everything to you when you feel like you can trust those around you then life will get a whole lot easier - everything will feel peaceful and you will feel comfortable stepping down from a position of power. negative aspects: you have a lot of learning to do before you teach anyone else - keep that in mind when you are giving advice to others. perhaps there is someone else who is in better spot to teach others - perferably someone with a lot of experience. you might also not be the most ethical person. without ethics you are definitely going to feel the pain and have a fall from grace or be forced to retire. you could struggle with open mindedness and/or honesty... practice leading with innocence and willingness to grow.

saturn: positive aspects: you are super self-controlled. you have a strong will which is rather uncommon for people... you have such strength - you could even resist the things to desperately desire. you are someone who is likely to retire before you are ever forced to quit or into retirement in general. you live a life of moderation, thusly you already follow the elements on varuna. negative aspects: you likely aren't the most self-controlled person... you might struggle with doing things in moderation and waiting in general. it is likely a struggle of yours to resist your desires. this might be something that springs from a mistrust built in childhood... you might fear that while it is there one moment it won't be there the next. you will need to work on your trust issues because while you could be right you are equally likely to be wrong in that regard. so have faith. don't doubt the world around you. you might be the type of person that has to be forced into retirement because you do not realize you are decaying in a knowledge sense - there is likely someone more capable than you and you will just have to accept that.

uranus: positive aspects: you are an extraordinary individual - while nothing is predictable when you are in charge, things are also unpredictable and innovative when you are. you cause growth and forward movement. you get things done and help others to evolve in a positive manner. you likely can juggle many things at once as well. your originality is likely to keep you in business and keep you in power for a long time. negative aspects: you might constantly question if everything you are doing is correct - you likely lack faith in yourself and your ability. you also might have the tendency to want to control things that aren't controllable like the future. you need to learn to have faith in the unknown. you probably struggle with finding balance because you likely do not plan - normally this is fine for a uranus placement/aspect but not where varuna is involved because he requires consistency and control. as for the fall from power - i don't feel like you will have a fall. i feel like it is more akin to estrangement. you might fall out of love or interest with your field and just leave it be.

neptune: positive aspects: astral projection vibes - you have strong psychic gifts, so don't hesitate to use them. you don't seek control which is your greatest gift; you reach a sort of nirvana when you stop trying to control things - it is so rewarding for you too. you don't let blockages set you back - you just go with the flow. negative aspects: you doubt your abilities which really sets you back. you have to acknowledge that you are capable of everything and anything. when you try to control your creativity, you will find yourself bored by your work and you might even create things that seem too simple to get the recognition you seek. you don't resonate with idealism - you want things to be predictable but they aren't. you need to embrace the unpredictable and the impractical. speaking of impractical, you likely won't be a leader, at least not the best leader, because you might just lack practicality where it is needed.

pluto: positive aspects: you embrace the chaos; you aren't a controlling person - you are the opposite a majority of the time. you want change not balance. you might be the least varuna like of this bunch due to this fact. the changes you make are often done carefully and overtime. you aren't someone that wastes time though; you make calculated risks/changes. negative aspects: you likely hate people who try to keep order... you loath those who try to control you most of all. you aren't someone who likes being controlled - if anyone should be controlling anyone you will believe it is you who should be in control. your passions likely overshadow you desire for balance/moderation.

asc: positive aspects: these are the people that you look at and you are like "dang, they have everything under control in their life". you appear so well composed that no one questions a thing. you look fine and like you can handle anything, so you likely find yourself tasked with a lot in life. miraculously, you can handle it too and continue to climb the ranks. you have a classic look about you that makes you look timeless and ageless. negative aspects: you may be controlling or lack control where your appearance is concerned. you should look into better life balance - no one should be living their life concerned about their looks and worrying about whether they will be taken seriously or not OR if they are on trend or not. do what what works for you - nothing more and nothing less.

mc: positive aspects: you may receive a lot of praise for your achievements and ambitions in life. you may find yourself in a high position in your career in which you are in charge or creating the code of conduct for your workplace. you could be a good leader because you are willing to hear others out in regards to regarding functionality. your father could have been someone of great importance who had an important job that allowed you to have a good childhood/home environment from a young age. negative aspects: you might expect to get accolade and it never comes - no doubt you are going above and beyond in your role though. you might feel like you are constantly on the cusp of getting to where you wish to go in life, yet you never get there. you could struggle with following those in a seat of power too because you might feel like they took your position or that you are better than they are at the job. status for you is very important, but it is not something you will ever feel confident about.

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prime-adeptus · 9 months

Text

BAD IDEA (FORGET ABOUT IT, FORGET ABOUT ME) – QUANXI X READER

It’s a bad idea. You know it is. Even fucking worse now that you realise that you’re no longer doing this for sexual pleasure. You’re doing it for her affection, even if it only comes with her hand around your throat or between your thighs. Or, the one where you’re not lovers, just strangers, and you’re fine with it. At least, that’s what you tell yourself.

CONTENT.⠀NSFW; female reader; friends with benefits, unrequited pining, angst, slight power imbalance (quanxi is mc’s superior), alcohol, mentions of medication, unhealthy relationships, hurt/no comfort, original character deaths, mentions of blood. Canon divergent, but takes place after the events of Part 1. ~6.5k words

NOTES.⠀my first fic of 2024 lets gooo baby HAPPY NEW YURI!!!! this is my contribution to my thank u, next collab :) likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated! this is the most self-indulgent I’ve ever written but I hope you enjoy regardless;;

also on ao3 | @angelshub @bitchcraftinc @enchantedforest-network @ghostqueue

You never think twice.

It runs in the family, you think. Your father was an insanely reckless devil hunter, your mother was impulsive even in the worst situations, and your brother did things just for the thrill. It’s ironic that for people with a job that relies on survival instinct, they had none at all. Impulsivity runs in your family, and there will soon come a day when it will get you killed the same way it did with them. That’s fine. Death doesn’t scare you, not anymore. He’ll come bearing his scythe when his time comes, taking your soul to where it needs to be, and you’ll let it happen when it does.

Public Safety wasn’t your first option. Being a professional devil hunter wasn’t, either. You wanted to pursue something less violent, like someone who could help improve a community’s welfare. You wanted kids to grow up better than you did. But with devils roaming the streets and the lack of the ‘strong-hearted,’ it came as no surprise that you had to give up on what you’d initially hoped. You’re still pissed about it years later in your career. The younger you wanted to help the world.

In a way, you got what you wanted. It just wasn’t the way you wanted it to happen.

You think you’re more familiar with firearms and blades than you are with flowers and crayons now. Your hands, once soft and delicate, are now scarred and calloused, stained with the blood of those you had to slay and lose in combat. Your heart, once full of hope and kindness, is now cold as ice. The innocence and joy you used to have were cruelly ripped out of your hands and crushed into pieces you can never put together again.

But you don’t have time to miss who you used to be, nor do you have the time to dream anymore. You have to survive in a world where danger lurks in every corner. You will pass the days instead of living them, letting them hurt you and bury misery deep in your bones, but you will survive, if not by sheer determination or instinct.

The drink you’re having burns your throat. Though you weren’t previously a drinker, having seen how it changed people like it did to your father, there’s nothing else you can turn to. You never liked bars either, yet here you are, sitting all by your lonesome. People change, whether it’s out of their volition or against their will. You don’t know where you fall between those categories.

The longer you stare into space, the more you tune out the world around you. You feel as though you aren’t here, but somewhere else. It’s been happening more often than you’d like—zoning out, feeling like you’re not in control of your body, vulnerable. You’re more annoyed by it than you are concerned. You’re a professional devil hunter, bound to an organisation that could dispose of you without a second thought if you fail them. There is no time for weakness. Your training and years of work have taught you that the hard way.

By the time you come back to your senses, your glass is already empty. A frown tugs at the corners of your lips. You’ve half a mind to order another shot to feel something other than perpetual numbness and exhaustion, but ultimately decide against it. Your tolerance isn’t as high as Kishibe’s is, after all. Who knows what will happen if you bite off more than you can chew? You don’t, and more importantly, you don’t want to deal with the consequences.

With a sigh, you leave the bar. The bells above the door chime as the door opens and exposes you to the winter air. A chill runs down your spine, making you shiver involuntarily. You’ve never been fond of the cold. It’s miserable, it makes you lethargic, and it’s a pain to get through without getting sick. You hate the shitty apartment you live in and the equally shitty radiator that came with it too, but this time around, you actually can’t wait to be home. You suppose there are still some things to look forward to, no matter how mundane they may be.

“Hm. Didn’t expect to see anyone out at this hour.”

You turn to see Quanxi leaning against a wall with a cigarette between her lips and the same deadpan expression you’re used to seeing her wear. Instinctively, you bow your head in greeting, though she makes no move to respond to it. Briefly you realise how you’ve never had a proper conversation with her, only good mornings here and there whenever you happen to cross paths. This is the first time she’s properly acknowledged you as something else other than one of Kishibe’s many juniors he ‘babysits,’ as he would say.

The wind blows the nicotine in your direction, causing you to grimace instinctively. In an attempt to cover it, you clear your throat and reply, “I couldn’t sleep.”

“I thought you didn’t like being out at night.”

“I don’t,” you say with a wry smile. “Why are you out at this hour, Miss Quanxi?”

“I couldn’t sleep either.” With a sigh, she pushes herself off the wall and finds her place by your side. “I’ll walk you home. I’m going in the same direction anyway.”

You have a feeling she’s not going to take no for an answer, so all you do is nod and go along with her. It puts you on edge, being so close to someone you’ve always held in high regard. It’s also strange, in a good way, to be alone with a woman like her. Up until a few moments ago, you didn’t even know she was aware of you at all. You find that you like having her beside you like this. It makes you feel safe, protected, and in a way you can’t pinpoint why, like you belong.

The apartment building looms overhead and stands among electrical lines and small stores. The lightbulb in front of the elevator flickers before it goes out, leaving the hallway too dim for your liking. Anxiety starts to bubble at the pit of your stomach. You don’t know if it’s because of the dark or if it’s because of how close she’s standing to you. As your finger hovers over the button, you glance at her and blurt out, “Would you like to come in?”

She blinks as if she wasn’t expecting you to say that. She probably wasn’t. Heat rises to your cheeks and paints them with shame. You tend to speak before you think, which has both worked in your favour and against it.

(You never learn.)

“It’s cold outside,” you try to reason. “You could come in for tea, warm up for a bit before you go. I’d feel bad if I let you leave without anything.”

“I don’t need anything from you.”

Your face burns. You should’ve thought she’d say no. You should’ve thought more. Of course, the Quanxi has no reason to stay and chat with you. She’s not the kind of person to do such a thing. She’s stoic, unapproachable, and–

“But if you insist, I’ll come in,” she says, interrupting you just before your brain is about to go into overdrive. “I could use a break anyway.”

She follows you into the cramped elevator without another word. It’s hard to keep your cool as you’re all too slowly taken up the building. With trembling hands, you unlock the door to your apartment. Your nerves are going haywire for reasons you can’t begin to fathom. You ignore them the best you can.

“Tea? Coffee?” you ask. You like to think you’re pretty good at keeping your composure, but you’re not so confident tonight. It’s fine. You’re being considerate, nothing more, so there’s no need to be so nervous. You’re just being a good host.

“Tea is fine.”

“Alright. Um, have a seat. I’ll be done in a minute.”

She takes off her shoes at the doorway before stepping into the living area, glancing around wordlessly. You hope she doesn’t mind the mess on the coffee table, even if it’s only receipts, newspapers and some blister packs you keep forgetting to throw out. Normal, mundane things. You haven’t had the time or drive to organise your place lately. You wish you did. For anything in general, really.

You’re surprised how stable your hands are this time around as you carry the tray towards where she’s sitting on the couch. She takes the mug with a barely audible thanks and you take your own. The couch isn’t small by any means. It’s old, yes, but it’s more than enough to seat two people. For some reason, it feels like it’s smaller. You’re close enough that your knees brush against each other. You try not to think about how this is the closest you’ve ever physically been to someone in years.

You almost want to scoff at that. It’s never occurred to you (or rather, you prefer not to think about it) how deprived you are of warmth and contact. Every day consists of you passively following a monotonous routine. People like you don’t get the chance to be close to someone, physically and emotionally, not when they can be taken away from you in the blink of an eye. You should be used to it by now.

You don’t think you can ever be.

“Is it okay?” Your voice is soft, hesitant. “It’s not too sweet?”

“It’s fine.”

You don’t know if Quanxi is one for small talk. You highly doubt it, but still, you find yourself chattering away. You talk about almost forgetting your keys in the morning, about how friendly your neighbours are despite their intimidating appearance, about the dog that greets you every morning and every time you come back.

Self-consciousness suddenly threatens to consume you whole when you catch how much you’ve been rambling in your flustered state. You can’t tell if she’s actually listening or if she’s only humming and nodding along so you’d stop eventually. Maybe you should.

The sudden silence makes her look at you curiously. “What’s wrong?”

“I, ah, nothing.” You shake your head. “I forgot what I was going to say.”

“You were talking about your last mission,” she offers. You’re almost disappointed that she had been listening to you. “The bodyguard one.”

You didn’t expect that.

“Right… I’m sorry, Miss Quanxi. I didn’t realise how long I’ve been keeping you here. Would you like me to see you out?”

“I don’t mind. You sound interesting.” She places the cup down and leans back against the cushions, getting herself comfortable. You aren’t sure if you should take it as a compliment or something. “And Quanxi is fine. I’m not Kishibe.”

“Of course! I’m sorry, Miss—I mean, Quanxi.”

Names have always been important to you; hers isn’t any different. But as her name rolls off your tongue, you find that you like how it feels. Familiar, like you’ve been saying it for years. In the back of your mind, you wonder if she knows your name—she hasn’t uttered it once since she spotted you outside the bar.

Somehow, that makes you sadder than you should be.

“You live alone?” she asks. Your mind goes blank for a moment. Is she interested in you? No, that can’t be. She’s just making conversation. She probably pities you for the fact that you’re the only one doing the talking.

“I do. Have been since I was seventeen,” you say, cutting off your train of thought before it gets worse. “I don’t have a girlfriend either.”

You don’t realise what you’ve blurted out until Quanxi hums curiously.

Why did you say that? Why do you say anything?

“You don’t?”

“No,” you mumble. You avert your gaze to the side, nervousness taking hold of you once more. “Are you… Interested? In me?”

When you finally look back at her, her face is only inches away from yours. You stare at her wide-eyed. A myriad of emotions swirls deep in your chest as you stutter and stammer, your lips parting then closing like a fish out of water.

“Maybe,” she answers, and the apology you were going to say dies on your tongue.

Your heart is threatening to burst out of your chest with how fast it thumps in the confines of your ribcage. Despite the winter outside, it feels hot—you feel hot, like you’re standing by a burning flame. You think you’ve short-circuited when she gently tilts your head up with her fingers and leans in to kiss you with a softness usually reserved for a lover.

And because you never think twice, you don’t hesitate to comply when she urges you to sit on her lap. Your arms wrap around her neck and it doesn’t take long before the kiss turns more heated, before you start grinding against her. Cold digits trail across your skin and crawl between your thighs, smoothly unbuttoning your trousers to reveal what they’re searching for.

Hesitantly, you pull away to catch your breath. You can hardly understand what’s happening, and maybe you don’t have to, but there’s a deep longing to hear it directly from her.

“Miss Quanxi!” Whatever you’re trying to say gets interrupted with a gasp as her fingers dip past the waistband of your panties. “What are you—”

“Helping you relax,” she replies nonchalantly. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed how tense you’ve been since we got here.”

You’re not sure you can handle seeing how attentively she’s watching your expressions right now, so you squeeze your eyes shut. It doesn’t help, not when you can feel everything at once, from her heated expression to her sinfully adept fingers.

There’s a voice in the back of your mind telling you that this is wrong, unfair, but when she brushes over a spot that has you shivering against her hand, the thought ebbs away like it was never there at all.

You don’t want her to stop.

Maybe the strange heavy feeling within your chest is just anxiety from not being in a situation like this for a long time. Maybe it’s what your classmates used to call ‘butterflies in your stomach’ because you’re with someone you admire. Reason slips out of your reach with every curl of her fingers against your walls, and it’s almost embarrassing how quickly you’re reaching the edge. The sight of her doing something to you that only lovers do to each other isn’t helping your case, either.

Her name leaves your lips in a pathetic whine. “Quanxi—”

“Let go,” she murmurs, her lips brushing against your cheek, “Let me take care of you.”

Your orgasm washes over you like the sea crashes against the shore, rendering you breathless and teary-eyed from how overwhelming everything feels. She doesn’t relent until you weakly wrap your hand around her wrist in a poor attempt to stop her from breaking you any further. She eventually pulls her hand away and brings her fingers up to your mouth, imperceptibly smiling at how you take them in without question. Seemingly satisfied, she withdraws and lets you slump against her body, tuckered out and boneless.

“Look at you,” she coos, her voice dripping with endearment. She’s probably used to saying these things and getting these reactions, and as bitter as you may feel about it, they have your heart racing nonetheless. You’re not used to praise. In your entire life, you’ve only been satisfactory, yet here she is praising you for doing nothing except surrender yourself to her. You part your lips to speak, only to be interrupted.

“Don’t worry about me.”

It’s almost worrisome how she can tell what’s on your mind so effortlessly. With a huff, you bury your face in the crook of her shoulder. You doubt you can look her in the eye without saying or doing something embarrassing.

“But…” you mumble out.

“I can take care of myself.”

You frown, though you don’t argue with the finality in her tone. Your body gradually relaxes as she runs her fingers up and down the length of your spine. It’s getting difficult to stay awake when you feel so sated, so safe. Eventually, without realising it, your blinking slows down and you start to drift off in her arms, growing blissfully unaware of the world around you.

—

You wake up in your bed dressed in yesterday’s clothes.

Quanxi must’ve carried you here before she left. Your vision slowly adjusts to the change in lighting as you look out the window by your side. It seems that people have already gotten their day started, judging from the cars moving down the road and the dogs barking in response to the disturbance they bring. You’re groggy and your thoughts are unclear, leaving you more wearied than you’d normally be. A dull ache rings in your head, growing stronger when you push yourself out of bed and trudge to the bathroom to freshen up.

Your mind feels like it’s shrouded with fog. You’re beginning to think going to the bar yesterday was a mistake. You tend not to dwell too much on the consequences of what you do, only what satisfies you in that moment. It’s a bad habit you can’t seem to get rid of. But it’s far too early to think—in fact, you’d rather not do it at all—so you clumsily grab the shower valve and let the water wash away yesterday’s events. It takes a couple of tries to find it, but you make it nonetheless. A curse escapes you at the unexpected cold that has you jolting awake against your will. You suppose you did need that rude awakening.

The word ‘mistake’ seems to echo in your mind louder and louder as you struggle to properly button up your shirt with sluggish hands. You’re pretty sure one of your socks is mismatched, but you don’t really have the energy to change them. You glance at the bottle of painkillers in your cabinet. You never quite liked taking these things even if they’re supposed to help you. You didn’t like having ‘too much’ in your system. A bit ironic, considering all the supplements and medication you’ve had in your lifetime.

Bitterly, you take them. You can’t have something so inane affect your efficiency at work.

The headquarters is already busy when you arrive. Camaraderie isn’t a thing here, so the atmosphere already feels stiff and awkward. You suppose it’s reasonable, having gone through a few losses yourself. In a world like this, you simply can’t get attached to anyone. You shouldn’t. After all, they can be ripped out of your hands, ripped apart until the only proof of their existence is their blood stained on your skin. It’s not ‘hating the world’ or ‘being unapproachable;’ it’s a way to protect the other person. In a way, it protects you too.

Your mind reels back to last night now that you’re more awake. The way she held you. The way she just knew your body like the back of her hand. The way she kissed you. Only lovers touch each other like that, your mother used to tell you, but you’re not lovers even if it felt like it. The intimate moments you shared threaten to bring tears to your eyes as they play through your mind again like a film reel. The memory of her lips against your skin, of her holding you as if you were made of porcelain. They’re likely nothing to her, but they’re everything to you.

So how are you meant to brush off something like that so easily? When you’ve never had or let anyone touch you in such a way? What is it about her that had you caving in without a second thought? What is it about her that has your emotions going into overdrive?

The coffee nearly burns your tongue and leaves behind a bitter aftertaste in your mouth. Now isn’t the time to be thinking about this. And sure, maybe the coffee wasn’t a good idea either, but what does it matter? All you have to do is work, hopefully stay alive, and come back to a boring life after a long day of saving the city. What happened last night was only a one-time thing. There’s no reason to mull over it again.

You unceremoniously toss the paper cup into the trash. Coffee was not a good idea.

The day, although surprisingly uneventful, is spent writing reports and being in the worst mood you’ve ever been in. Thankfully you didn’t need to talk to anyone, save for Kishibe who dropped by earlier to see if you were still alive.’ It was oddly kind of him to do. You’re more used to him being distant or plain merciless like he was to the chainsaw boy and the blood fiend. It’s nice to have someone look for you, think of you, even if it’s for such a grim reason.

You were tidying up for the day when your coworker approached you with a smile on her face. ‘Do you wanna come get drinks with us?’ she had asked. Seeing as you didn’t have plans for the rest of the evening—you never do—you agreed. A couple of drinks won’t hurt.

It’s not that difficult to spot your colleagues and seniors in the izakaya. It’s hard to miss them, actually, when one of them is excitedly calling your name and waving you over. They’re already drunk. You understand them, you think. You generally dislike feeling inebriated and what comes after, but with the current path you’re on, it’s the only source of comfort you have.

You grimace. You really have become your father.

The table is cluttered with beer cans and unfinished plates of snacks. Kishibe sits silently in the corner. He’s opted to bring his own drink this time around and barely acknowledges you with a glance. There are a couple other seniors you don’t recognise. With a bow that feels more perfunctory than it does respectful, you greet them and quietly slide into the booth.

Quanxi sits across from you, calm and collected like always. She doesn’t say hello to you with the same enthusiasm that her colleagues had, though she does nod and subtly raise her glass at you. Flustered, you blink, you purse your lips, and then finally you get it together and smile at her, the same way one would when seeing an old friend. Sure, that isn’t what she is, she’s just your senior, but you’d rather stay on her good side. You’ve seen how she dealt with that Hirofumi boy when they both came back last year. As attractive as you found it, you also don’t want to end up being someone she regards coldly.

You shake your head. Why are you worrying so much about what she’d think of you? All she did was acknowledge your presence. Luckily, one of your colleagues (someone you recognise, thank god) notices you and starts to ask all about your day. It’s enough to keep you busy. It’s also surprising you aren’t drained yet, considering how much more talkative they are compared to you.

“This is why I’m trying to help you out of your shell!” they playfully chide once you trail off, feeling self-conscious. “We want to get to know you better! Don’t be shy. Come on, tell me. What have you been up to?”

“I’ve been—”

Whatever phrase you were thinking of immediately goes forgotten when you feel someone’s foot brush against your ankle. You’re nearly seized with panic before you make eye contact with Quanxi and realise that it’s her doing. Somehow, it doesn’t do much to calm your racing heart. She seems so nonchalant, casually smoking her cigarette as if she isn’t threatening to make a mess of you with something so simple.

They furrow their eyebrows in concern. “You okay?”

“Y-Yeah! Sorry,” you reply sheepishly. “I’ve been… well, busy. There’s a lot of backlog I still need to catch up on.”

Quanxi doesn’t do much after that, something you’re thankful for. Perhaps she took pity on you. Tearing your gaze away from her, you turn back to your colleague with a strained smile. You hope they won’t notice how you’ve tensed up and how your smile doesn’t reach your eyes.

“W-What about you?”

It’s even more surprising that you can still speak while feeling so tongue-tied. Your conversation partner starts to chatter away, talking about everything and nothing, which you try your best to stay invested in. It makes for quite a good distraction, and Quanxi doesn’t tease you again until your colleagues begin to leave one by one. Until you’re eventually left alone with her.

You bite the inside of your cheek nervously. Her surprising you earlier could’ve been an accident, so nothing is stopping you from going home. You should go home. It’s not like she wants you to stay, right? She’s probably waiting for you to leave so she can do the same thing. You try to think of a polite way to excuse yourself, but nothing comes to mind and the words are stuck in the back of your throat.

“You’re thinking too much.”

You’re sober. Sober enough to be able to function, but not enough to notice that Quanxi has moved to sit next to you with her hand on your thigh. She leans in close to press a kiss to your neck, an invitation. A promise. You watch as her lithe fingers teasingly skim across your inner thigh, dancing dangerously close to your core. Your eyes remain on her hand, how it feels pressed against you, so warm and perfect—

“Not here,” you breathe, “H-Home.”

The night passes by in a blur. Before you know it, she has you on her bed, your cheeks flushed and your clothes torn from your body. Everything feels warmer, stronger, and you don’t know if it’s because you’re tipsy or if it’s because you’re pent up, but it doesn’t matter. You can’t think of anything, not when she keeps taking your breath away time and time again with every roll of her hips. Moans and broken syllables of her name leave your lips, doused in lust and whatever remaining modesty you have left.

Once isn’t enough for her. Your thighs are trembling as she pushes you into the blankets, keeping a tight grip on your shoulder as the sound of her thighs slapping against yours fills the room. The lewd noises leaving your body make your cheeks burn, and you wonder if she can feel how warm they are against her thighs when she finally lets you return the favour with your tongue. You’re sloppy and unpracticed, you know you are, but when she says your name and tells you that you’re so good for her, your heart soars.

Eager to please, you stay for what feels like an hour before she has you on your back and her fingers inside you once again. She doesn’t stop until you’re a teary-eyed, trembling mess beneath her. She doesn’t stop until your voice is hoarse from how loud you’ve been. Sleep comes easy to you that night; once more, you nestle close to her side and drift off, completely spent. The same way you did last night; only this time, she doesn’t hold you.

She’s gone by the time you wake up, and her taste lingers on your tongue as you leave her apartment feeling satiated but hollow.

—

You don’t know when meeting up with Quanxi just to fuck became a regular thing, but it did.

It’s a bad idea. You know it is. Even fucking worse now that you realise that you’re no longer doing this for sexual pleasure. You’re doing it for her affection, even if it only comes with her hand around your throat or between your thighs. You know it’s a bad idea when you always leave her place feeling used. Emotions have never been your strong suit—you’re not made to think, you’re made to do—but the whirlwind and the paradox have set you a few steps back. From what, you don’t know; all you know is that you can’t move on without her, without something more from her.

It bothers you how you both go back to work and act like you don’t know each other. It bothers you how she doesn’t even notice you when you happen to walk by. It bothers you how she feels so distant even though everything you’ve ever done with her has been things only lovers do. It bothers you how much you feel like you need her to satisfy you in more ways than what she’s currently doing. It’s not meant to be something serious. You’ve known that the moment she kissed you.

A distraction is all you are. A vice, like her drinks and her cigarettes and the other women. Something she has readily available to her, and because it’s Quanxi, you let it happen. You think she’s worth the turmoil in your mind. Why wouldn’t she be? She knows your body like the back of her hand, knows what you like, knows what you need. You’ll grin and bear it, accept the love she gives you on sleepless nights, and come whenever she calls.

Work has been busy enough for the past week or two. You were sent on a mission to somewhere in the south, ordered to exterminate a cluster of fiends and granted temporary leave after one of them managed to give you a nearly fatal wound. You don’t think she even knows that you were at the hospital until you had enough blood in your veins to heal again. It’s fine. Of course it is. She’s as busy as you are, if not more, and she has her own things to worry about.

You haven’t seen her in a while. Not at work, not at the bar you frequent. It harrows and relieves you at the same time because you feel her wherever you go. You walk in crowds hoping that she’ll be among them. You stay out hours after the work day ends hoping that you’ll bump into her. You keep your ears open hoping that you’ll hear something about her, or if you’re lucky enough, hear her calling your name. You don’t know how she’s woven her existence into your life this much, nor do you know what you want from her. But it’s not that necessary to put a stop to something you need, is it?

It’s fine if she doesn’t need you for anything else beyond sex. It’s fine that your love (is it even so?) goes unreciprocated. It’s fine if you feel cold in her embrace, and it’s fine that she’ll never be yours the same way you are hers. If this is a ‘bad idea,’ then you’ll make the most out of it—anything to keep you happy, anything to please her.

As long as she still knows your name, and as long as she still wants you, it’s enough.

It’s a particularly rough day when you leave an abandoned building with blood on your sleeves. You know your job isn’t done yet. There are reports you have to write, some civilians you need to check on, but you’re not confident that you can keep your impatience and anger under control. You’re tired, miserable, and you’re wondering if those pills do help you or if you’ve been lied to again. A cold shower and coffee weren’t enough to wake you this morning. The so-called soothing balm did nothing to heal the ache in your neck, and things went downhill insanely quickly. Today’s mission was the worst one you’ve ever had. You couldn’t save your partner in time. Their life was syphoned out of their body as they cried—no, begged you to help them, and all you could do was watch it happen.

The weight of your sword on your back feels heavier when you think of your failure today. A good craftsman never blames his tools. Can you say the same thing about yourself? Your weapon is an extension of you. The blade hasn’t dulled, but you have. It makes you feel even worse to know that you aren’t competent at the one thing you can do. If you were, you could’ve saved your partner, the one before that, and the others you lost along the way. Their blood will always be on your hands no matter how much you clean them. You’re quite sure there’s still a splatter on your shirt, but you are so, so tired. Stains are the least of your concerns.

The path to the bar is more familiar than it should be. You can barely register the worried and fearful glances people send you as you walk by them, exhausted and dishevelled. Hell, the bartender isn’t even shocked when you take a seat. He’s seen you more times than he can count. Not as many while you’re looking this beat up, though he takes it well enough. Wordlessly, he brings you your regular order. He doesn’t bother you again after that.

The burn barely fazes you anymore. You settle down the glass a bit harder than you should’ve, making you wince. You don’t want another thing to go wrong today. Quite frankly, you just want it all to be over, so you can retire, rest and visit the places you’ve always wanted to go to. Maybe get married, have a family, or adopt a pet. What a normal entails isn’t that known anymore. You’ll take anything at this point.

“Rough day?”

Quanxi leans on her side against the counter, running her gaze up and down your form. It should make you feel embarrassed, what with the current state you’re in, but you don’t think you can even care anymore.

You chuckle humorlessly. “Like you wouldn’t believe.”

It doesn’t occur to you until moments later that this is your first time seeing her in weeks. A part of you feels relieved to know that she’s fine, she’s here, and another part of you is in disbelief that she still wants to talk to you despite the state you’re in. You can’t decide whether that’s endearing or pitiable.

“Wanna talk about it?”

You’ve already made several bad decisions, what’s another one going to do? You can drink the whole night, or you can do something that’ll make you feel good and forget for a little while. You cut to the chase, staring down into the glass. “My place or yours?”

She blinks, bewildered, then she speaks up again, “You can come to mine.”

The world doesn’t come back to you until you’re in her apartment again, already out of breath as you try to keep up with her hungry kisses. They’re addicting, borderline overwhelming, but you always crave for more, more, more. Her hands are on your hips and tonight she touches you with a gentleness that wasn’t present in your other trysts. Her touches are featherlight, treating your body like it’s made out of glass, and for some reason unknown to you, it’s more than enough to make you break into tears.

You pull her closer, your arms wrapped around her waist as you sob into her shoulder. She doesn’t say anything, only rubs soothing circles on your back and lets you cry your heart out. Conflicting feelings make their way into your heart, holding it tight within its suffocating grasp. You want her to say something, but at the same time, you don’t. You want to ignore everything, have her make you forget, but you also don’t want to.

Then you can finally breathe. Your cries turn into sniffles. Your breathing is shakier than it should be, but it gradually calms down. Her collar is stained with your tears, marked with your vulnerability, your weakness. It’s hard to speak. The silence kills you inside, breaks down every wall you’ve put up around you. You crumble before her, your nails lightly digging into her back as she gently lays you down on the bed. You’re still holding on to her when she tries to get up.

“I’ll get you some water,” she says. You think it’s the softest she’s ever sounded. Your hand lingers on hers for a moment before you reluctantly let her go, too worn out to ask or argue.

When she comes back, she crawls into her side of the bed. No words are shared as you curl up close to her. Her heartbeat steadily lulls you to sleep while she pulls you closer with her hand on your back, tucking your head beneath her chin.

And just like last time and the time before that, you wake up alone.

Your head hurts. Your body aches all over, hurting with the smallest movement, but you manage. Some water spills when you drink, which you haphazardly wipe away with the back of your hand. The clock on the wall tells you that you’re late for work, but you’re far too weary to move. Instead, you nestle deeper into the blankets, blankly staring at the nightstand as the city continues to live without you.

She didn’t leave you a note. Why would she? She’s not your lover; she doesn’t have to tell you anything. There’s a sense of urgency in the back of you should leave too. That there’s a busy day ahead of you, there are people and families you need to get in touch with, and there’s some loose ends that you need to tie up. It will get worse the longer you stall, and yet, you can’t bring yourself to care about it.

You don’t feel anything. You want to feel happy, angry, sad, anything, but you just can’t. Not when you’re on your own and the only company you have is the quiet. You don’t feel anything unless you’re in pain. You don’t feel anything unless you drink until you black out. But with Quanxi, you feel alive. With her, you don’t feel like a machine. You don’t feel like a killer, stained in the blood of those you failed to save. You’re someone she likes, at least enough to keep around for as long as she has. You’re someone she looks for when she needs you.

It’s not love. You know it isn’t. You don’t think she’ll ever love you the same way you love her. You’re not that oblivious to ignore what this truly is—pure unadulterated lust and desire, something to relieve stress whenever it arises. Days ago you cried until you had nothing left because you wanted more. Now, you just ignore it all. If it makes you feel good in the moment, makes you feel like you’re worth something, who are you to deny it?

You know you make bad decisions, ones that lead you to consequences you deal with alone like this one. You don’t care anymore. You never think twice. It’s just how you’ve always been.

You never think twice, but as the bed gets colder, you wonder if it’s about time you did.

#peep how it’s ironic that mc who claims they “never think twice” actually hesitates and thinks a LOT #is that the consequences catching up to them or the instinct telling them to slow down? who knows #i didn’t think too much about the plot i just wanted a lesbian situationship that eats someone from the inside #while the other party doesn’t care or doesn’t notice at all lololol #quanxi x reader #chainsaw man x reader #angelshubnetwork #bitchcraftinc #ghostqueues #enchantedforest-network #cw alcohol #not sfw #wlw x reader #all

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bnyrbt · 7 months

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The leader of the Choctaw Nation is joining an outpouring of support for the family of a 16-year-old student whose death is being investigated in Oklahoma.

Nex Benedict passed away on February 8, following a physical altercation at a high school the day prior. Chief Gary Batton confirmed that the young student’s mother is enrolled with the Choctaw Nation.

“The loss of a child is always difficult for a community and a family to accept,” Batton said in a statement on Wednesday.

“Although Nex does not appear to be affiliated with our tribe, their mother, Sue Benedict, is a registered member,” Batton continued. “Nex’s death weighs heavily on the hearts of the Choctaw people. We pray Nex’s family and their loved ones will find comfort,” Batton concluded.

Nex’s death has directed widespread attention to Oklahoma, where Republican officials have increasingly adopted policies hindering the rights and freedoms of Two Spirit and LGBTQ+ people. Sue Benedict has embraced her child’s gender identity and has vowed to donate funds to other youth experiencing some of the same struggles.

Two Spirit and LGBTQ+ advocates incorrectly identified Nex as being a citizen of the Cherokee Nation, whose reservation borders that of the Choctaw Nation. Cherokee Chief Hoskin Jr. expressed support for the Benedict family on Tuesday.

“As Chief, the health and welfare of all children within the Cherokee Nation Reservation is of concern,” Hoskin said in a statement.

Nex attended Owasso High School in Owasso, located on the Cherokee Reservation. Local authorities are investigating the death and have said they will forward the results of the investigation to prosecutors in Tulsa County for potential action.

Hoskin has offered the support of the Cherokee Nation Marshal Service as the investigation continues. The Owasso Police Department indicated in a statement on Tuesday that interviews would be taking place “over the course of the next two weeks.”

Oklahoma Gov. Kevin Stitt (R), a Republican who happens to be a citizen of the Cherokee Nation, has not spoken publicly about the death. He has repeatedly derided efforts to address diversity, equity and inclusion as discriminatory.

But a senior official with President Joe Biden, a Democrat, has weighed in. White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre offered a message of support from the administration in a post on social media.

“Every young person deserves to feel safe and supported at school,” Jean-Pierre wrote on her official government account. “Our hearts are with Nex Benedict’s family, their friends, and their entire school community in the wake of this horrific tragedy.”

“For many LGBTQI+ students across the country, this may feel personal and deeply painful,” Jean-Pierre continued. “There is always someone you can talk to if you’re going through a hard time. Dial 988 and press 3 to reach a counselor dedicated to serving LGBTQI+ young people.

According to the 2023 LGBTQ+ Youth Report, a project of Human Rights Campaign and the University of Connecticut, more than half of transgender and gender-expansive youth feel unsafe at school. In particular, nearly a third said they feel unsafe in school restrooms.

“All students, including trans and gender-expansive students like Nex, have the right to feel safe and protected while attending school,” Tori Cooper, the campaign director of Community Engagement for the Transgender Justice Initiative at the Human Rights Campaign, said in a statement on Wednesday. “That Nex was only 16 years old compounds this tragic injustice and they should have lived to see a fulfilling and authentic life.”

The 2023 study was based on a survey of nearly 3,000 LGBTQ+ youth ages 13-18 nationwide, according to the organization. Some 0.6 percent of respondents identified themselves as American Indian or Alaska Native.

According to Owasso Public Schools, a “physical altercation” took place in a bathroom at the high school on February 7. The Owasso police responded to a local hospital on the same day of the incident.

Police then said they were informed that a “juvenile” was taken back to a hospital on February 8, the same day as Nex’s passing.

#op #links #trans #non-binary #choctaw #nex benedict #oklahoma #transphobia #hate crime #murder #child death #transphobic violence #uspol #news #bad news

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noxxmyosotis · 5 months

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750 Days and more of Never-Ending Terror: Understanding the Unending Ukraine War | Full Text

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Introduction

Since 2014, the Russo-Ukrainian War has been a time bomb for the security of Europe, causing a great deal of suffering for the residents of Eastern Ukraine. In February 2022, Russia decided to escalate the conflict by invading Ukrainian territory, making it one of the largest scale hostilities to occur in Europe since World War II (Walker, 2023).

Despite initial hopes that the war would end quickly on both sides, it is still ongoing at the time the script was written (December 2023), which means that there is still constant bombing and threat within Ukraine's borders, causing daily suffering to both Ukrainian and Russian civilians. Although both sides claim that the other cannot hold out for much longer, there appears to be no end in sight. According to some news sources, Russia's local economy has become more precarious due to the departure of foreign investment, and the living conditions and welfare of its citizens have become more uncertain as a result (McHugh, 2023).

The situation raises two important questions: why does Russia continue to prolong the invasion war when they are not necessarily receiving any benefit from the war itself? and how is Russia able to sustain itself in a state of war, going against international communities, tarnishing its reputations, suffering intense scrutiny, and creating a chaotic political state externally and internally? Were Putin's one-man show and lunacy the only factors propelling the war forward, or were there additional structural reasons for the war to continue, despite its lack of success?

Through this essay, I wish to explore the situation of the Ukraine War through the following areas:

The causes of war and their current impact.

The impact of the war on the internal politics of Russia.

The societal conditions of Russia that allowed the war to be prolonged.

The future of the conflict and the conditions needed to end the war.

Classical and contemporary theories related to sociology of war and violence, political sociology, including the framework of organized violence will be examined. I will also consider the current account of Russian history, the unique structure of Russian society, and the theoretical frameworks, to answer the question: why the conflict has not ended?

The Prelude of Invasion Part I: The Crimean Invasion

Before the invasion towards the mainland Ukraine happened in 2022, it is important to remember the war has already been happening since 2014, when Russia annexed Crimea, a majority ethnically Russian area with a strong pro-Russian separatist force exist (Walker, 2023). At the time, most international organizations and nations took a relative neutral stance on the incident, stating that the primary cause of the annexation was local civil unrest and that Russia, and Putin in particular, should be condemned for failing to de-escalate the conflict, but not for launching an invasion.

There are several social reasons why pro-Russian ideology is particularly prominent within the region. The most significant and obvious is related to the ethnicity of the Crimean people. Despite the predominant Russian population in Crimea, the region has historically accommodated various minority communities, such as Ukrainians and Crimean Tatars. Prior to the Russian conquest in the 1700s, the Crimean Tatars constituted the majority ethnic group. Consequently, the historical context reveals a dearth of unequivocal legitimacy regarding territorial claims (Dawson, 1997).

The intricate ethnic makeup of the Crimean region emerged as the primary catalyst for tension and political turmoil inside the area. The Crimean region is characterised by a complex political landscape, consisting of three distinct factions. Firstly, there are Ukrainian-aligned parties that advocate for the further integration of Crimea into Ukraine. Secondly, there are Russian-aligned parties that aim to reduce Ukraine's influence in Crimea and increase dependence on support from Russia. Lastly, the Crimean Tatars aspire to establish an independent and legitimate ethnic state. Each faction actively pursues strategies and tactics to advance their respective goals while simultaneously discrediting the objectives of the other factions (Dawson, 1997).

Such complications are further entrenched through the fall of the Soviet Union. Following the Ukrainian parliament's declaration of independence, a significant number of individuals residing in the Crimean region expressed discontentment with the ensuing economic decline experienced by the country. These individuals drew comparisons between their situation and the more prosperous Russian economic reforms, leading them to believe that aligning with Russia would bring greater economic prosperity to both the region and its inhabitants (Dawson, 1997).

It is important to note, however, for the following decade, there is evidence where both the ethnic tension and political dissatisfaction within the region has decreased over the years. The economic situation of Crimea also significantly improved since the initial downfall from USSR by the time 2010s rolls around, and majority of the media consumed within the region were Ukrainian affiliated, with many young people stop identifying themselves as Russian and affiliate themselves with Russian culture, rather supporting a newly formed Crimean identity, while even some of the most radical Russian supporters suggest a strong preference for peace over war (Knott, 2018; O’Loughlin & Toal, 2019).

However, narratives that propose Crimea not only belongs to Russia, but would also benefit from joining Russia, hold considerable sway within mainland as well. Russian mainstream media extensively highlights the plight of individuals in Crimea, emphasising the necessity of rescuing them from both economic destitution and the unlawful occupation of their land by the government, which also discriminates against their fellow Russians while promoting an unjust agenda in the region (ForPost, 2013; Pravda, 2013; Shurkhalo, 2013).

The historical and ethnic tensions in Crimea were further intensified by the wider political situation in Ukraine during the early 2010s. This occurred as the public became divided over problems concerning the relationship between the Ukrainian government and the European Union (EU). The pro-EU movement, known as the "Euromaidan movement" after their large-scale protest in 2013, advocates for a stronger economic and social connection with mainland Europe. They also advocate for social progress and reforms, such as the inclusion of ethnic minorities and queer individuals. (Kvit, 2014). Meanwhile, the counter-EU movement, referred to as "Anti-Maidan" in reference to their oppositional protest in 2013, mostly centred around traditional orthodox doctrines, including portraying queer imagery as "western propaganda" and displaying a fervent inclination towards bolstering Russian supremacy and embracing imperialist aspirations (Makarychev & Yatsyk, 2018; Shekhovtsov, 2014).

It is important to highlight the role of social media propaganda played in pushing the agenda of the Anti-Maidan movement further. During this period, various websites, such as Facebook and Twitter, disseminated specific advertisements endorsed by the Russian government under Putin's leadership to sway Crimean voters towards supporting independence from Ukraine. Additionally, numerous counterfeit accounts and social groups were established to propagate deceptive information and construct a false narrative that portrays the interests of Western nations as inherently corrupt and incompatible with Russian identity (Demartino, 2021; NATO Stratcom, 2015).

While ethnicity and culture are important factors, the Russian government's involvement extends further. Throughout the past two decades, it actively promotes the broader ideology of the "Russian World" to counter western influences, not only to destabilise the Crimea region and other regions within eastern Ukraine, but also to shape the perception of the government and stabilise internal power structures within the mainland. Through creating a narrative that there exists an inherent Russian world that are incompatible to the west, incorporating both Ukraine and Belarus, highlighting the common past exist between the nations, while establish the need for Russia to be the centre of the hierarchy within this world, the government is able to successfully leverage its people in supporting more aggressive actions within its borders, gaining soft powers domestically to support its following imperialistic actions (Feklyunina, 2016).

In late 2013, civil unrest broke out following a prolonged period of growing tension in the local area and wider political scene, driven by Russia's clear intention to disturb the region. The disturbance was further instigated by the former President Yanukovych's rejection to ratify agreements with the EU because of Russian influence. Over the subsequent months, there were confrontations between Euromaidan and Anti-Maidan organisations across southern and eastern Ukraine, with occasional instances of violence (Euronews, 2014; Salem et al., 2014). Shortly thereafter, Russia opted to intensify the situation by deploying its military to bolster the independence movement in Crimea, thereby commencing the initial phase of its continuing incursion into Ukraine, marked by the annexation of the Crimea area.

The Prelude of Invasion Part II: From “Russian World” to “Russia’s World”

The annexation of Crimea prompted swift and unfavourable reactions towards the Russian government from Western countries, notably the United States and the European Union. These responses primarily involved two actions: firstly, bolstering the alliances among NATO nations and enhancing NATO's military capabilities along the eastern border; and secondly, imposing economic sanctions on Russia (Pifer, 2015).

However, both efforts have only been resulting in limited success. The annexation of Crimea cast shadow on the previous efforts and the overall effectiveness of NATO, while highlighting the failure of NATO to actually provide regional stability to the eastern Europe, allowing the general public to cast doubt on the necessity of NATO and military actions while being fearful of further Russian retaliation (Gardner, 2014; Simmons et al., 2015). Meanwhile, Western firms have shown tepid support for the sanctions, either seeking loopholes or openly defying its implementation. Moreover, the validity of the penalties is routinely contested in international courts. Meanwhile, Russia has chosen to enhance its collaboration with its eastern allies, including China and ASEAN nations (Paul, 2017).

Although Russia is less affected by exterior influences, the internal political landscape rapidly changed following the crisis. Within the dominant demographic, who are swayed by the state-controlled media and constant exposure to official propaganda, there is a significant level of endorsement for the annexation of Crimea. This has consequently bolstered Putin's popularity and solidified his reputation as a formidable leader who is unyielding in the face of adversaries (Stoycheff & Nisbet, 2017). In the meantime, the response from the west has also been framed as a deliberate attempt to delegitimise the Russian identity, allowing Putin to rally individuals to overlook the potential economic problems and humanitarian issues posed by the act of annexation (Gerstel, 2016).

During the same time frame, Russia's official position on matters concerning Ukraine underwent a significant and abrupt change. Initially, the Russian officials advocated for safeguarding the rights of Russians within Ukraine's borders, while also acknowledging the autonomy and choices of other Ukrainians. However, following the invasion of Crimea, the Russian officials swiftly portrayed Ukrainians as consistently hostile towards Russia and individuals who identify as Russian, emphasising the religious and cultural differences between them (Strycharz, 2022). Even the most severe critics acknowledged that the annexation of Crimea is not fundamentally erroneous, but rather questioned the methods employed by Putin to obtain it, leading to minimal dispute regarding the legitimacy of the annexation inside Russia as a whole (O’Loughlin & Toal, 2019).

As support for the integration of Crimea strengthens, the internal politics of Russia are becoming more cohesive. However, tensions within mainland Ukraine have been escalating since the occurrence. The supporters of the recently established government comprise various fragmented factions. Most of these supporters align with the left-wing of the political spectrum, advocating for political and personal rights. Nonetheless, there is a significant minority of far-right individuals who sympathise with Neo-Nazi ideologies and endorse the dominance of Ukrainian culture to counteract the influence of Russian identity. The friction between these two groups escalated rapidly as the latter exhibited growing hostility and alienation, frequently leading to hate crimes. This became a major issue for numerous ethnic minorities residing inside the borders of Ukraine (Saluschev, 2014).

Meanwhile, many anti-Ukrainian government organisations, predominantly situated in Eastern and Southern Ukraine, observed the triumph of the Crimea's annexation, and subsequently initiated the formation of their own armed forces. The Donbas region experienced significant protests in March 2014, triggered by the annexation of Crimea and the inclusion of members from the anti-Russian Svoboda party in the new government. The Svoboda party openly identifies as Neo-Nazi, causing concerns about potential discrimination against the large population of ethnic Russians and Russian speakers residing in the area (Clarke, 2016).

The Russian government took advantage of the turmoil in Ukraine and the widespread support for the annexation of Crimea to quickly provide military assistance to the independent movements in the Donbas region, thus starting the Donbas war. By endorsing these initiatives, Russia rapidly consolidates its position as the saviour against Ukraine and the West, advancing the agenda of the "Russian World" even further (Matveeva, 2016).

It is crucial to acknowledge that the Russian government at that point of time had minimal or no intention of launching a full-scale war against Ukraine. Instead, they are exploiting the existing instability in the region. This is evident from their initial decision not to immediately use military force in the Donbas region. Even when they did engage, most of their forces were involved in intelligence and communications activities rather than direct combat (Robinson, 2016).

The war of Donbas, which officially concluded in early March 2015, resulted in a temporary cessation of hostilities in the region. Nevertheless, even after the signing of official treaties and the agreement on peacekeeping measures, there were ongoing minor conflicts in the region. It has been speculated that many Russian militants have become integrated into independent movements in the region, thereby enabling Russian forces to perpetuate instability. (Robinson, 2016).

While the major conflicts had been resolved and would not resume until five years later, the circumstances of the Crimea and Donbas regions were permanently altered. The economic conditions in the affected areas were severely damaged, leading to the destruction of profitable industries like mining and oil. Additionally, many refugees were compelled to leave their hometowns and seek shelter in either Ukraine or mainland Russia. Unfortunately, these refugees faced challenges on both sides. In Ukraine, they were often viewed as potential threats to national security, while in Russia, they were frequently used as political pawns to reinforce the narrative of Russia's superiority over the West (Giuliano, 2018; Rimpiläinen, 2020).

How it all started: War as an intentional act of Russia

While the Donbass and Crimea territories played a significant role in the hostilities and offered valuable historical and cultural context, they were not the only causes of the full-scale invasion that took place years after the initial peace treaty was ratified. In the western media, the primary attribution for the invasion is frequently assigned to Putin himself, along with his inner circle of political and military confidants. Putin was widely perceived as the mastermind and prominent figure behind the invasion, and his absence would have had a profound impact on the situation in the Russo-Ukraine region.

Undoubtedly, Putin exerts significant influence on the invasion, driven by his personal motives and strategic calculations. Putin's previous experience in the Kremlin has shaped him into a perpetually power-hungry individual who constantly seeks to tighten his control over everything. Through long-term propaganda efforts, he has been portrayed as a strong leader, effectively suppressing critics and independent media outlets; the political infrastructure established during his presidency also ensures that people prioritise appeasing Putin's personal beliefs and emotions above all else (Rochlitz, 2015).

Nevertheless, the invasion cannot be only attributed to Putin's insanity, but rather stems from the intricate workings of the Russian state. As previously shown, Russian attitudes towards Ukrainians have undergone a notable transformation. Initially focused on Crimea and the well-being of Russians within the area, these attitudes now encompass a broader perception of Ukraine as a symbol of the West and a source of existential anxiety for Russian national identity. Although the state's top-down propaganda may partially account for it, this explanation alone is inadequate to justify why the war was widely regarded as the preferred solution to the cultural clash, without considering the active role of the Russian population and their impact on the state's decisions.

To look for reasons beyond personal and cultural reasons, one theoretical framework we can investigate is the theory of organisational materialism. Charles Tilly, a prominent scholar who developed the theory, stated that war is a vital component of the state's function within the framework of organisational materialism, as it serves as an effective mechanism for social control, state expansion, capital accumulation, and resource extraction (Tilly, 2012). Furthermore, organisational materialism scholars argued that modern state-building is a consequence of war, where the distinction between allies and enemies is defined by national borders, while it also leads to cultural changes through war-related activities and promotes the development of institutions like legal systems and financial structures, which enable the state to consolidate power (Malešević, 2010).

Such principles can be easily observed through the actions of Russia, particularly in relation to Ukraine. Throughout the years, as Russia grew larger interest within the Crimea region, the need to distinguish between what is Russian (i.e., those who live and shall live under Russian rulings with the centralised Russian state) and Ukrainian (i.e., those who are opposing the Russian state) through national borders signified, hence the birth of the concept "Russian World," opposing the idea of the "Western World." The annexation of Crimea and the invasion of Donbass further push the idea that the Russian state has a legitimate monopoly of violence over the ethnic Russians, consolidating cultural power with the political power that the institutions hold over the people within the region.

In addition to expressing military power and consolidating political power through the explicit demonstration of violence, it is important to be reminded that the legitimacy of the state often comes also through economic activities and ideology supremacy over the individuals (Malešević, 2010). Sociologist Michael Mann has argued that modern statehood is established through a process he calls "social caging," in which the state imposes restrictions on individual freedom in return for economic stability and military protection, which leads to long-term social stratification and institutional centralisation (Mann 1982, as cited in Malešević, 2010).

The process of social caging can be easily observed within Russian society after the invasion of Crimea. Immediately after the annexation, the West quickly responded by imposing sanctions against the Russian economy. However, instead of pushing extra pressure against the Putin government, it was able to spin the narrative that the sanction is meant to "humiliate and weaken Russia," rallying people to fear the existential dread that is the EU (Gerstel, 2016). Seeking protection from the external threat, the approval rating of Putin increased in the immediate months after the annexation, which in turn allowed policies that strongly restricted the rights of individuals in terms of freedom of speech, immigration around the border, and military conscriptions, as well as increased military actions and plans within the western end of the border.

Nonetheless, organisational materialism could partially explain why war is an ideal method for social control and reinforcement of the power of the state but lacks justifications as to why many individuals within Russian society are enthusiastic about the war and willing to sacrifice themselves, hence legitimising war as a strategy. Hence, beyond recognising the coercive nature of the state, it is also important to recognise how citizens within the state internalise such ideas and form cohesive ideologies that they believe in.

The connection between ideology and war is frequently described as a "manifestation of consensus," where individuals associate their habits, customs, and traditions with the communities and institutions around them. This leads to labelling those who do not follow these actions as "others" outside the community, giving institutions and communities the authority to use violence and oppose change in the name of self-defence. Moreover, modern warfare was further legitimised through the breakdown of traditional communities and media sensationalism, where individuals often feel extra vulnerable, needing protection from a greater force, and the connections transcend their personal experiences, allowing the rise of nationalism and exceptionalism within the boundaries of the state (Trepanier, 2018).

The ideologies of the Russian state are hard to define, but it is easy to identify why individuals associate with them in the events leading up to the invasion. The remanent of the cold war from the USSR times still lingers amongst the elder generations, blaming the downfall of a once glorious empire on the influence of the west, while the "western-centric" worldviews constantly defy their own cultural upbringings and understanding of normality, pitting them to believe that the westerners were the "others," and within an environment where social stability often could not be guaranteed, in particular after the long stagnation of economic situations since the 2008 financial crisis, all making individuals vulnerable to ideological propaganda that proposes the west against Russia and the need to establish a "Russian world".

From then on, support for the war was born. In the simplest summary, beyond Putin’s personal will, the need for stability and structure in an unstable time allowed individuals to give in their personal freedom towards the state, which further legitimised the acts of violence that the institution committed, allowing the state to push war onto those who were “others” and consolidate resources to benefit itself. The war is beyond a coincidence or a madman’s choice, but a rational and intentional choice of the state to preserve itself at the cost of people both seen as others and individuals who belonged to the state.

The Red Square Never Falls: The Never changing Russia.

Earlier, we explored how the geopolitical climate contributes to the likelihood of conflict and Russia's intentions in supporting the war prior to its initiation. However, it is crucial to analyse why Russia has not altered its attitude while facing external pressures like sanctions, public censure, and internal political turmoil to answer the question: Why is the war still going on?

Western countries responded to the invasion in three ways: providing direct military assistance in the region, imposing economic restrictions on Russia's economy, and engaging in information warfare on online media platforms. Although these factors influence the war to some extent, none of them can significantly create a powerful enough force to change the conditions of the war to the point where Russia would agree to a ceasefire.

The direct military assistances perhaps were the easiest to argue why it failed to become the tipping point for the end of the war. While countries within NATO, particularly the US, UK and Poland have provided supports in terms of both spendings and machinery towards Ukraine, the response from Russia resulted in extra militants, including Syrian mercenaries and the Chechen troops, to further engage in direct combat against the western support (Singh, 2023). Though many speculate that Russia has been draining all its military power in dealing with the Ukrainian army supported by the west, it is important to note that the support has also been in the danger of drastically decreasing due to both the domestic political contention within both the US and the UK and the normalisation of the issue over the years, meaning less awareness channel and political support for future Ukrainian aid (Chivvis, 2024; Kaarbo et al., 2023).

Even from a historical perspective, military aids rarely became the factor that drastically deescalate the status of the war. Previously in Iraq, the continuous military backing provided by the US to the government led by former Prime Minister Maliki resulted in heightened oppression of the Sunni ethnic minority, leading to further uprisings in Sunni majority areas. Boutton (2021) argued that military aid often creates incentives for regimes to rely on the military aids to survive the fallout, and become more aggressive in their own actions, leading to more instability and insecurity for individuals.

In the Ukrainian war, military aid has been beneficial in resisting the Russian invasion, but it is unlikely to be the decisive factor in altering Russia's strategy. The clear attitude of Putin is that the war should be prolonged, regardless how grand the cost is, as it serves justice in resisting the western control over the "Russian World". As previously identified, the people's support for the war is influenced more by cultural and ideological factors rather than by belief in Russia's military capability. Therefore, Ukraine's military strength has limited impact on popular opinion about the war currently.

The sanctions and pulling out of companies seemingly have an impact on the Russian economy at least. According to Ahn & Ludema, (2020), the companies of Russia, especially those that are in industries that are targeted, have a significant loss in terms of both revenue and assets. In addition, the sanction has also been projected to stagger the long-term growth of Russia, while Russian retaliation has shown limited effect in countries outside its immediate neighbours and could hurt themselves more than other countries (Hosoe, 2023).

However, despite the negative effect of western sanctions, it is unclear that sanctions contributed to the anti-war sentiment in the Russian society. Historically, sanctions have often been framed as a tactic used by an "evil external aggressor," and the inner opposition can then be prosecuted as the supporters of the aggressor. In addition, the economic effect of the sanction is often transferred to the already economically stricken, further fuelling their anger towards the opposition (Pala, 2021). Connecting such sentiment with the strong, ideological belief that the "Western World" is an inherent opposition against the "Russian World," it would not be hard to understand why many believed that the purpose of the sanction was to weaken Russia and hence curate more support for the government in its strong stance.

In addition, the sanctions could not be useful so long as the Russian government believed that they would not be sustained, and there are alternatives to circumvent the issues that the sanctions will cause. Since the initial sanction has been in place, Russia has been active in funding independent financial institutions and actively drawing funding from alternative sources to counter the influence of the US and EU (Ashford, 2016). At the same time, the popularity of the sanction has also decreased over the years, with many people, though they still broadly support Ukrainian causes, now hesitant to support the sanction as concerns about cost and priorities emerged (Chivvis, 2024).

Beyond direct military conflict and economic sanctioning, social media emerges as the new battlefield of information between the West and Russia. Even before the annexation of Crimea, Russia has been purposefully spreading propaganda in online social media spaces such as Facebook, Twitter (now X), and regional medias such as VTontakte and Odnoklassniki (Demartino, 2021). Since the annexation, the Russian government has been purposefully curating narratives within social media spaces through awarding Kremlin-aligned media posts, fabricating false news events, and controlling Internet trolls to contaminate legitimate discussions (NATO Stratcom, 2015).

In the meantime, the West has been employing tactics to counter the narratives of the Russians. The way narratives spread in the west, in contrast to Russian media, has been largely decentralised, mostly with individuals who do not share apparent relationships with the government, sharing their personal stories, and creating genuine connections with their audience to illicit emotional and empathetic responses. In addition, as the Ukrainian president Zelensky previously worked within the entertainment industry, the experience has also allowed him to be naturally appealing on camera, generating apathy amongst the viewers (Ciuriak, 2022).

The social media stories have been effective in influencing the decisions of people on both sides. The narratives pushed forward by pro-Russian media, including those that defame the International Monetary Fund (IMF), the EU, and the current Ukraine government, have been shown to have a strong correlation with showing a neutral or negative attitude towards policies supporting Ukraine, though whether the narratives are the direct cause of support is unclear. (Maschmeyer et al., 2023). Simultaneously, using platforms such as Facebook groups, people from the west are able to bond through the traumatic experiences and heal mental health through verbal expression (Zasiekin et al., 2022).

Though the high visibility of information generated awareness of events across the world, whether social media can generate crucial momentum changing the direction of war is unclear. Social media, despite being vast and diverse, is a highly segregated space where people share similar sentiment often only view, comment and share information which reaffirm their previous beliefs, creating strong echo-chambers (Cinelli et al., 2021). Even when interactions happened, they have often resulted in arguments which strengthens their own belief that the opposing party often is unreasonable and irrational, further polarise the online communities apart (Gillani et al., 2018).

Within the context of the Ukraine war, with many individuals within Russia already supporting the Putin-led government and the right-wing sentiment surrounding the narratives proposed, in addition to the language barrier, they are more likely to stay within the information bubble filled with Russian propaganda rather than interacting with stories from the perspective of the west in a rational and open-minded manner. Furthermore, as the war has been intrinsically linked to the national identity of individuals, many of the communities have actively blocked the existence of potential outsiders who do not partially or completely identify with said group, further locking away opportunities to engage (Abramenko et al., 2024).

Worsening polarisation is the censorship, either by the Russian government directly or by the self-censorship of the Ukrainian supporters within Russia. Through threats, forceful blocking of certain sites, and criminal charges, individuals are often forced to silence their voice to protect their safety and that of those who are around them (Rudnik, 2020). Many of these supporters then subsequently migrated out of Russia, further preventing them from voicing their opinions from within the country.

With most tactics failing to change the status of the war, it is natural to wonder: Will the war ever end? Especially after 10 years of never-ending back-and-forth with no mutual agreement in sight. Will the war be a perpetual state that individuals within Ukraine, particularly those who live in Donbass and Crimea, must endure?

The Light at the End of the Tunnel: The Future of the war

Though it is easy to be pessimistic as negative news constantly pops up on media channels, there are some optimistic aspects to the situation in the war. In recent history, most wars ended with a peace agreement or a ceasefire after a certain period, and often, the weaker actors ended up being victorious in defending themselves against the stronger actors. In the meantime, peace agreements and ceasefires often last for a sustainable period, where the tensions between parties eventually cool down and resume normal (Lieven, 2022).

The prerequisites for achieving peace can be categorised into three levels: the systemic level, the society level, and the individual level. The framework, called the levels-of-analysis framework, argues that these levels are interconnected and can influence each other during the process of ending a war, though the incentive to reach peace on one level does not necessarily lead to a positive outcome on another (Levy, 1998).

From a systematic standpoint, as previously said, the war was started because the advantages that come with it are greater than the advantages of peace, such as the consolidation of power and the exploitation of natural resources by the Russian government. Military capability is often seen to stabilise existing coalitions that were disrupted by outside forces, and war is needed for the system to restore equilibrium (Levy, 1998).

Through this point of view, peace can be achieved, or at the very least anticipated, when it ceases to function as a stabilising force and instead actively contributes to instabilities inside a nation, both internally and externally. As time went on, the return of war became increasingly marginal in contributing to the stability of the Russian government. The direct financial cost of the war, compounding with the decrease in oil prices and western sanctions, means that the war has become increasingly expensive over time, while Russia is expected to enter a recessionary period soon (Liadze et al., 2023).

In addition, the events related to the betrayal of the Wagner group, alongside the assassination of Navalny, all reinforce the existing fear and instability within the society as a direct consequence of war. Compounding with the fact that Russia has yet been successful in capturing Ukraine at the rate they expect, with many towns and cities recaptured by Ukraine, individuals are increasingly afraid of getting drafted by the military, generating negative attitude towards the government (Nechepurenko et al., 2023). Meanwhile, the immediate rise of government support due to the initiation of war has traditionally died off over time, as people losing trust in the ability of the government in protecting them, and increasingly traumatised by the war itself (Hong & Kang, 2017).

Beyond the structural implications of war being unsustainable over a long-term period for Russia, the societal attitude of the elites has also been shifting since the start of the war. As previously seen, the initiations of war were often the result of scapegoating and othering of a certain group, creating a divisive force amongst individuals. However, Snyder (1991) has argued that the elites, who perpetuate the divisive wars, often have different interests in mind, and if the regime tried to overexpand their power, the internal collision would fall apart as many of them stopped benefiting from the over-expansionist policies with the resources they ought to provide.

We could observe such a fall of grace in action in the event of the betrayal of the Wagner group. For a long period of time, the Wagner group and Prigozhin functioned as a part of the Russian army in exchange for political favour from Putin and lucrative monetary incentives the invasion provided. However, as time went on, the mercenary group could not see the war end in sight, causing a significant increase in the cost of providing people. In addition, Prigozhin has become increasingly frustrated with the Russian government bureaucracy, even going as far as directly clashing with the Ministry of Defence himself. Subsequently, as the benefit of participating the war on Putin’s side became increasingly marginal, Prigozhin decided to turn on Putin, hoping the war could be ended sooner with his actions (Gurbanov, 2023).

Although the insurrection ended with Putin successfully rising to power and being able to prevent the coup with the help of Belarusian President Lukashenko, it did demonstrate that the Russian elites do not have a uniform view on the status of war, and should the war drag on, the more likely Putin is to face infighting amongst his own cabinet, which creates factions that generate instability within society.

With instabilities and infighting on both structural and societal level, it is hence easy to observe individuals changing their position in what is best for their interest. As time went on, the enthusiasm of war on Ukraine has died down domestically, with increasing amount of young individuals being sceptical of the Putin regime, and vast majority of the individuals oppose a second wave of mobilisation in military actions (Milov, 2024).

It is crucial to note that war is often unpredictable, and geopolitical tensions can change drastically within the span of months or even weeks. However, there is hope, as though the war is currently sustaining itself; whether it could sustain itself in the longer term seems increasingly questionable as it drags longer.

Conclusion: When the Snow Stops

The war has been going on for two years, or around ten years, depending on what you define as the starting point. Countless individuals lost their lives in the process, and countless more were traumatised, forced out of their communities, lost their ability to conceptualise the horror and grief they face, and altered their life trajectory forever.

There is no real way to heal unless the horror stops. Regardless of where you are or who you are, being constantly reminded of a war that seemingly has no end does not bring hope. It is easy to open social media and wonder, "What is wrong with the current world? Will the world ever be normal again?"

In the essay, I have investigated the historical and cultural reasons behind the war, the sociological reasons that allowed the war to be initiated and prolonged, and most importantly, whether there could be an end to the war. Through this, I seek to provide insights that not only help people rationalise what they see and hear about the Ukraine war but also provide hope. The hope that the war one day will end, and there is a glimpse of a light on the horizon, and a chance that the world can resume to normal, at least in relation to the Ukraine war.

There needs to be hope because it is hard to fight without any hope. However, even with only a glimpse of hope, people will continue to fight against injustices and make a better life for themselves and those around them. This is no less true for people at wartime. I hope the essay is beyond informative, but also provides hope to those who may have lost it, to say to them "Keep on fighting."

There is nothing better to end the essay than a poem by Ukrainian poet Lesya Ukrainka. Composed in the 1890, it illustrated the author’s strength, despite her unfortunate political persecution and bodily circumstances. It is one of the most hopeful and beautiful pieces of poetry, and I hope it grants you strength.

Thoughts away, you heavy clouds of autumn!

For now springtime comes, agleam with gold!

Shall thus in grief and wailing for ill-fortune

All the tale of my young years be told?

No, I want to smile through tears and weeping.,

Sing my songs where evil holds its sway,

Hopeless, a steadfast hope forever keeping,

I want to live! You thoughts of grief, away!

On poor sad fallow land unused to tilling

I'll sow blossoms, brilliant in hue,

I'll sow blossoms where the frost lies, chilling,

I'll pour bitter tears on them as due.

And those burning tears shall melt, dissolving

All that mighty crust of ice away.

Maybe blossoms will come up, unfolding

Singing springtime too for me, some day.

Up the flinty steep and craggy mountain

A weighty ponderous boulder I shall raise,

And bearing this dread burden, a resounding

Song I'll sing, a song of joyous praise.

In the long dark ever-viewless night-time

Not one instant shall I close my eyes,

I'll seek ever for the star to guide me,

She that reigns bright mistress of dark skies.

Yes, I'll smile, indeed, through tears and weeping

Sing my songs where evil holds its sway,

Hopeless, a steadfast hope forever keeping,

I shall live! You thoughts of grief, away!

Lesya Ukrainka (1890), translated by Vera Rich (2009)

#sociology #galacticlibrarian #videoessay #academia #ukrainewar #education #vtuber #vtuberen #vtuber uprising #indie vtuber #Youtube

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blackswaneuroparedux · 1 year

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In the end, we will conserve only what we love; we will love only what we understand; and we will understand only what we are taught.

- Dame Jane Goodall

Jane Goodall is a renowned primatologist and conservationist who is best known for her groundbreaking research on chimpanzees in Tanzania and her advocacy for animal welfare and conservation where shel has been a vocal advocate for animal welfare and conservation throughout her career.

She has also raised awareness about the plight of endangered species and worked to protect habitats and ecosystems. She is the founder of the Jane Goodall Institute, which works to protect chimpanzees and their habitats, and she has been involved in numerous other conservation organisations and initiatives.

She’s also been a big champion for the promotion of science education and has worked to inspire the next generation of scientists and conservationists. She has founded numerous educational programs and initiatives, such as Roots & Shoots, which encourages young people to take action on environmental issues in their communities.

#goodall #jane goodall #quote #conservation #conservationist #green philosophy #nature #ecosystem #animals #environment

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butch-reidentified · 1 year

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<33333 you're wonderful, amazing, and incredibly strong and resilient. you've done more for lgbt people than all of the people throwing hate at you combined.

thank you, love ❤️ I know this for a fact. I know for a fact I've done and STILL do more for trans people than ANYONE on here coming for me 🤷 I've personally arranged and/or paid for healthcare including expensive HIV medications, housing, food, doctor's appointments, clothing, and more for homosexual AND TRANS people in need in my community. I've used my connections to get welfare resources for homosexual AND TRANS people they otherwise either couldn't access or would have had to wait months for. I've paid for and legally facilitated the name change of more than one trans acquaintance. I have opened my home to unhoused gay AND TRANS young adults to ensure they had shelter and food and safety and access to medicine, and paid for motel rooms for unhoused lgbt people for weeks or months while they waited for an opening in the shelter (which I also got them on the list for, sometimes when they didn't even technically qualify, using my connections as a Pulse survivor).

I've helped several LGBT young adults in need learn adult skills including how to drive, how to find and then apply & interview for jobs, how to check their vitals and what the dangerous ranges are, basic first aid, CPR certifications, harm reduction in cases involving substance misuse, how to find good medical providers & advocate for themselves to doctors/insurance, how to obtain and navigate medical insurance, how to apply for an apartment rental, how to apply for college or in one case even grad school, how to set boundaries and speak up for their needs, how to get documents changed, and much more.

I'm not wealthy, either, I did all of this while living paycheck to paycheck and struggling to feed myself. I did all this voluntarily, separate from charity organizations or guidance, on my own initiative. I found ways. I always found ways bc it mattered to me. I routinely used my unique connections as a Pulse survivor (esp connections to the lgbt resources who assisted us in the aftermath, but also to politicians like Carlos Guillermo Smith and Anna Eskamani who most of us survivors know personally) to help lgbt people in need. and what do the people who claim to be the real trans activists/allies do? harass and threaten me & women/girls like me - most often online as anonymous cowards, but even IRL (usually still anonymously) with courageous tactics such as doxxing, bomb threats, bombarding their employer's or school's phone line with hypocritical bootlickers calling for her to be fired or expelled.

What can the homophobic, misogynistic, self-proclaimed "pro trans" assholes (who are actually causing harm to & reducing public support for actual sex-dysphoric/GNC people) in my inbox honestly say they have done for trans people? Sent dozens if not hundreds of rape fantasies & death threats to a feminist lesbian who actually does meaningful and materially measurable work for the population you claim to be defending bc she says sex-based oppression is a real thing with material consequences from which all women and girls (50% of the world's human population) deserve liberation? 10/10 insane thought process.

I'm tired of it.

EDIT 12.28.2023 - Please see full version of this post with my vitally important follow-up reblogs here.

#mine #radblr #ask #radfem safe #radfem friendly #trans identity #gender ideology #non anon ask #non anon #Pulse survivor #pulse nightclub #pulse shooting #anon love

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bitchfitch · 1 month

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tbh I'm never going to stop being mad about the Manx syndrome that makes Manx cats manxes. It's an easily, Visually identifiable trait that causes the afflicted animal life long discomfort and mobility issues so severe many need specialized care and equipment to give them a normal life. And that isnt even taking into account how many die as kittens or who need to be put down because they'll never have the minimum quality of life needed to subject them to their difficulties.

there's 2 genes that can cause shortened tails/no tail in cats and while it's debatable how ethical the other one is, due to how important tails are for cat communication, the bobtail Gene is at least not devastating to the animals welfare. Unlike Manx syndrome it just causes the kittens to be born with fewer tail vertebrae. All the other vertebrae are unaffected.

Manx syndrome, in the more severe cases, which to be clear are the breed standard and are considered Desirable, cause the back half of the spine to fail to form correctly. This causes the cats to "hop like bunnies" bc their hind legs are partially paralyzed. they have severe nerve issues bc their spinal cord isn't fully encased in bone like it should be. The paralysis effects their guts too, making many of them incontinent or unable to relieve themselves properly. which leads to chronic UTIs and them needing frequent baths. which, they are cats, they do not like baths.

The main defense of the continued intentional breeding of manxes is that it is a naturally occurring mutation, as in its a landrace breed that initially happened on its own in the feral cat population on the island of mann. "if they were able to survive and reproduce under those conditions then surely it's ok" type of argument. A dominant trait spreading through a feral cat population on a small island that has no predators and plenty of small animal prey to eat, is not a defense. it's the law of large numbers.

#Prime was intentionally bred by a breeder who wanted to get rich selling manx cats nc they saw how expensive the kittens were #the kittens are so expensive bc many litters end up like Primes. with 3/5 kittens needing to be put down within weeks or days of being born #Of the two kittens who made it to 6months only Prime was ever deened adoptable. her brother had to stay at the manx specific shelter #and he only made it to a little over a year before he started suffering from kidney failure bc of the constant UTIs #he had perfect. Specialized care and as much resources and attention as he needed and he still didn't get to live his life #Prime's better off obviously but i still have to spend a lot of time on her care and she doesn't get to be a cat in the same #way as her sisters #ie my other two cats who are just random bred shorthairs #cw animal cruelty #most of the sources about manx syndrome are in reference to it occuring randomly in livestock or humans #bc like #it is something that does just happen without any intentional breeding for the trait unfortunately #cats just handle it a lot better for their own reasons #' spina bifida' is the technical term but its called manx syndrome in other animals too

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townpostin · 1 month

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Eye Camp and Government Scheme Drive Draws Large Turnout in Sakchi

Gurudwara event provides free eye checks and assistance with government benefits Sakchi Gurudwara Management Committee organizes a successful camp offering government scheme registration and free eye examinations to local residents. JAMSHEDPUR – A camp organized by the Gurudwara Management Committee in Sakchi saw a large turnout, with 127 people availing government scheme benefits and 78…

#आयोजन #cataract detection camp #community welfare initiatives #Event #free eye check-up Jamshedpur #government benefit registration #government scheme awareness #purnima netralaya #Sakchi community services #Sakchi Gurudwara camp #Sardar Nishan Singh #Vijay Sena NGO

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probablyasocialecologist · 1 year

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Science has established without a doubt that, in today’s “full-world economy,” it is necessary to operate within an overall Earth System budget with respect to allowable physical throughput. However, rather than constituting an insurmountable obstacle to human development, this can be seen as initiating a whole new stage of ecological civilization based on the creation of a society of substantive equality and ecological sustainability, or ecosocialism. Degrowth, in this sense, is not aimed at austerity, but at finding a “prosperous way down” from our current extractivist, wasteful, ecologically unsustainable, maldeveloped, exploitative, and unequal, class-hierarchical world. Continued growth would occur in some areas of the economy, made possible by reductions elsewhere. Spending on fossil fuels, armaments, private jets, sport utility vehicles, second homes, and advertising would need to be cut in order to provide room for growth in such areas as regenerative agriculture, food production, decent housing, clean energy, accessible health care, universal education, community welfare, public transportation, digital connectivity, and other areas related to green production and social needs.

#degrowth #ecosocialism #growth #Monthly Review have a special issue about degrowth - they'll be making the articles online through July

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juniper-simblr · 2 months

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Bleakfort Community Center

The Bleakfort Community Center is the heart of social life in the town; radiating a warm and welcoming atmosphere reminiscent of a cozy, timeless retreat. It features several recreational rooms, each designed to foster camaraderie and fun.

It's also where the city council convenes to discuss local politics and community initiatives. The council is a cornerstone of the community, dedicated to ensuring the town thrives. It's comprised of a chairman and five members and meets on the first day of every new season:

To be a member of the council, the sim needs to be at least lvl. 7 in their respective career and have interest points in politic. Only one member of each household can represent, and once you're in; you're in for life.

As of year 2, the council consists of:

Chairman: Ji-Yeon Kwon. As the town's sheriff, Ji-Yeon is known for her kindness and steadfast commitment to the safety and well-being of all Bleakfort residents. As chairman, she brings her strong sense of justice and community to the council, ensuring that every decision benefits the townspeople. Her approachable nature makes her a beloved figure in Bleakfort.

Council Members: - Quinton Applebaum. As the towns doctor, Quinton is dedicated to the health and wellness of Bleakfort's residents. His medical expertise and compassionate care are invaluable to the council, particularly when addressing public health initiatives and emergency preparedness. - Michael Harris. Owner of the local sawmill, Michael represents Bleakfort's industrial and labor sectors. His experience in managing the sawmill provides practical insights into the town’s infrastructure needs and economic development. - Nadiah Bahij. A multifaceted entrepreneur, Nadiah owns several businesses in town and is also a practicing psychiatrist. Her dual roles provide her with a unique perspective on both the economic and mental health needs of the community, making her a strong advocate for business development and community well-being. - Bernard Wilson. As the town’s veterinarian, Bernard ensures the health and welfare of Bleakfort's animals, both domestic and wild. His expertise in veterinary medicine and his passion for animal welfare brings an essential voice to the council, particularly in discussions about environmental and wildlife conservation.

There's still room for one more council member, however that position hasn't been filled yet.

#sims2 #ts2 #bleakfort

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haydenigmatic · 9 months

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Lady Odette Lavone (La-vohn)

Introducing Lady Odette, the ethereal presence gracing the court of the eight kingdoms. Daughter of the king's chancellor and renowned as the epitome of courtly elegance, Odette captivates all who encounter her, she stands as the beacon of beauty and grace.

Her face claim well Margot Robbie or Samara Weaving, one of the inspirations for creating her was Odette of the Swan Lake ballet and I'll say nothing more.

For her voice I think it would be the same as above or as her singing voice that's Christy Altomare (Anastasia's musical loveddd it).

Main Family Dynamics:

Duke Leander - The Powerful Patriarch:

As both Duke and Chancellor, Leander wields immense political influence, making him one of the realm's most powerful figures. Odette is not shielded from the complexities of court politics; rather, she learns to navigate them through the guidance of her father. His expectations for Odette reflect the intricacies of maintaining the family's standing in the court.

Duchess Annelise - The Maternal Guidance:

She takes a keen interest in Odette's development into the ideal court lady. She imparts wisdom on etiquette, courtly manners, and the delicate intricacies of navigating the nobility, aiming to mould Odette into a paragon of grace and virtue.

Damon - The Guardian:

Her older brother, Damon, serves as her confidant and protector. As the heir to their father's title, he is not only devoted to his responsibilities but fiercely dedicated to ensuring Odette's well-being. He would go to great lengths to shield her from any harm.

Some details about her:

Memorable Quote: “Can one truly be free if tethered to the whims of tradition, or is the truest essence found in the heartbeat of authenticity?”

Has a penchant for watching the sunset from a particular balcony. Bathed in the warm hues of the golden hour, she contemplates the day's events and dreams of a brighter tomorrow.

Fluent in several languages, Odette communicates effortlessly with foreign dignitaries.

Has a majestic snow-white tiger companion named Zephyra, a gift she received when it was just a cub. Initially mistaken for an ordinary cat due to its small size, the tiger has grown into a magnificent and rare creature.

Known for her generosity, she channels her compassion into regular alms-giving. Whether it's to support local charities or aid those in need, she actively contributes to the welfare of her realm. Her charitable acts extend beyond obligation.

Her voice, reminiscent of a nightingale's melody, is a rare and enchanting gift. When she sings, her ethereal tones fill the air, captivating listeners and leaving an indelible impression.

Has a treasure box, a delicately crafted container adorned with intricate patterns, is tucked away in her private chambers. It holds a collection of cherished items, from sentimental gifts to intricately designed jewellery, each carrying a story and a memory.

Bath time is a cherished ritual for her. Her love for the calming embrace of warm water is evident in the opulent baths she indulges in regularly. Her maids, attuned to her preferences, ensure each bath is an experience, with fragrant oils, delicate petals, and soothing melodies.

Odette's reputation as one of the most well-read individuals of her generation is not without merit. Her library, adorned with rich tapestries and plush cushions, is a haven for her intellectual pursuits.

Always carrying a leather-bound journal, she regularly writes sonnets, poetry, and reflections about her life. The pages hold a chronicle of her innermost thoughts and the poetic expressions of her heart.

As Damon's trusted confidante and sister, Odette shares a special bond with him. Providing counsel and support.

Her childhood was marked by witnessing the harsh consequences of her family's wealth, particularly her father's strict financial policies. The stark contrast between opulence and the suffering of those unable to meet debts left a profound impact. Instead of turning away, this dark experience fuelled her empathy. As she matured, she dedicated herself to lending a hand to the less fortunate.

#if game #if wip #interactive fiction #ro's #oc intro #tbotd #the blood of the dragon #odette

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edwad · 6 months

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it’s not that you think marx should be read primarily as an economist. it’s that your project of contextualizing marx in terms of the economic thought that both predates and follows him is valuable, but it runs up against hard limits in terms of both explanatory power and ability to generate practice that you can only solve by situating marx in the context of the actual political movements that both produced and drew from him and the concrete actions that resulted (cont.)

you wont find the key to a systemic analysis of capitalism purely in the realm of ideas, whether they be economic, philosophical, or political, you need to connect your analysis to some sort of concrete political reality for it to have any teeth. sure, no movement has succeeded at ‘achieving communism’ but they have made undeniable gains in the anti-colonial struggle and general social welfare (cont.) the latter thing, despite what you say frustratingly often, is not simply reducible to social democracy, and it shows how little understanding you have of the actual material history (as opposed to ideological), that you think western social democracy is comparable to the social welfare achievements of socialist countries, and that’s without even taking to account that the former is directly predicated on imperialism and neo-colonial exploitation of the global south

im finally getting around to this 3-message wall of text which i should realistically ignore because its not really productive and its clear by the end that youre just typing your frustrations at me, but it gives me a chance to say a bit more about a particular angle of what im doing with marx.

you say:

"your project of contextualizing marx in terms of the economic thought that both predates and follows him [...] runs up against hard limits in terms of both explanatory power and ability to generate practice that you can only solve by situating marx in the context of the actual political movements that both produced and drew from him and the concrete actions that resulted"

what limits? and what explanatory power is lost here? you dont say, although your immediate pivot toward the need to "generate practice" implies that youre suggesting some sort of practice-oriented information. frankly, i dont really understand why this enters here. if marx is totally wrong (which is further than i would go!) and nothing can be salvaged from him whatsoever, you would be upset because this critique of him wouldnt generate immediate practice? on what grounds could that desire for practice even be justified? marxist ones? some new, un-marxist one which can only come out of this (assumed to be, for sake of argument) successful critique of marx which still, for some reason, is immediately interested in the development of practice (sounding an awful lot like marxism btw)? or is your problem simply that it fails to account for actual marxisms after marx? if its the last option, then thats a non-criticism if part of my point is that i am trying to say something new about marx. the fact that he might've been received otherwise would only work as a refutation of my criticism if it weren't a necessary part of the criticism itself (ie, id be wrong for agreeing with myself).

whichever one of these it is, it misses the point. however it works as a segue to what i imagine you really want to talk about, which is concrete struggles. your initial way of getting there is to try and make me reckon with a proper contextualization of marx in his political environment as well as those he influenced. the latter, as ive just said, isn't necessarily damning (because it is part of my point), but the former is definitely worth lingering on.

so you say in your second message

"you wont find the key to a systemic analysis of capitalism purely in the realm of ideas, whether they be economic, philosophical, or political, you need to connect your analysis to some sort of concrete political reality for it to have any teeth"

you seem to think i fail to do this. ironically, i see my chief criticism of marx to be that *he* fails to do this. he tries to identify the development of political economy out of patterns of class struggle, but he constantly gets the facts wrong on both counts. yet even if we could take him at his word and assume he got all of these things right (which is definitely necessary for coming to terms with the nature of marx's project as he saw it), then i would argue that he actually saw his political environment as being shaped, in large part, by the reception of political economy in the workers' movement. this is already clear from the radical/popular economic literature which, in his eyes, arose and declined alongside (and, to some extent, within) the ricardian school, which is why he deals with it at length in theories of surplus value (in a deliberately historical mode, for the record). the socialist appropriation of economic categories to explain the ills of capitalism is something which animates much of his work beginning in the 40s. for example, in the poverty of philosophy, he announces at the outset that he aims to "protest" the "double error" of seeing proudhon as a "good German philosopher" or "one of the ablest French economists" on the basis of marx's being both german and an economist. this goes to show the economic terrain of marx's approach to his socialist rivals and how significant the economic angle was to him and to the movement around him more broadly. the critique of his rivals (especially proudhon) as economic thinkers appears again in capital, as william clare roberts has demonstrated in his work.

but also, at a different level, he very deliberately intervenes in engels' anti-dühring by contributing a single chapter which is *specifically* designed to take dühring to task for his critical history of political economy, in large part (as reading the text makes obvious) because marx alleges that dühring gets the history wrong. this was because, among other things, dühring's work was having a large influence on the german socialist movement and several of marx and engels' peers. this wasn't some apolitical intervention, it had meaningful stakes for marx's practical work. clearly, the critique of political economy and the ability to properly account for the history of economic thought was politically significant for both marx and the socialist movement around him. if i am being accused of over-estimating this angle, then that would only serve as another criticism of marx himself.

however, you continue (or, really, you pivot entirely, but you continue talking)

"sure, no movement has succeeded at ‘achieving communism’ but they have made undeniable gains in the anti-colonial struggle and general social welfare[.] the latter thing, despite what you say frustratingly often, is not simply reducible to social democracy, and it shows how little understanding you have of the actual material history (as opposed to ideological), that you think western social democracy is comparable to the social welfare achievements of socialist countries, and that’s without even taking to account that the former is directly predicated on imperialism and neo-colonial exploitation of the global south

this has absolutely nothing to do with what im dealing with here, and its bizarre of you to include it in the first place, not least because you seem to think that by me criticizing communists around me for not having a political horizon capable of overcoming social democracy, that i am overly critical of socialist experiments in the 20th century for feeding themselves. if anything, i think the point of political theory should be to achieve the greatest possible "good" (whatever that might be taken to mean) for the greatest majority of people. despite their obvious flaws, i count the 20th century socialist experiments as among the greatest examples of social organization ever achieved and if communism were proven to be impossible tomorrow, i would be a dogmatic social democrat (ive actually said this for years).

im not the cartoonish ultra leftist that some of you think i am, as if i care more about establishing some magical bar for communism than i do about the people who are supposed to reach it and live in it. i dont say any of those things "frustratingly often", and youre unable to correctly attribute my own views to me, which i think is pretty telling. if anything, the things i try to talk about here dont stem from an allergy to anything less than whatever perfect ideal i might hold in my head, its out of a frustration with communists who dont even recognize that they might as well be social democrats. thats not necessarily an insult (ive worked with a lot of good social democrats in my life and will continue to do it as long as it produces worthwhile results), its just supposed to clarify the stakes and what i see as the limits to their analysis of the system (which ought to matter to them, even if i dont get much out of it!).

my focus on the history of economic thought as it relates to marx's critique of political economy, is admittedly pretty far removed from some of this stuff, but i dont take that distance between the two as a problem of my ability to reckon with the global south or the success-rate of communist movements around the world, i take it as an issue which only results from the overexertion of your stretched criticism to try and get me to talk about something else. next time you want my opinion on something other than what im posting about, you can just ask!

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