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rolandtowen · 1 month ago

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oh - my - god - keep - me from going lunatic, chapter 8

chapter summary: We catch up with some of the other Avengers. The team begins planning an offense against HYDRA.

Read on Ao3 or under the cut!

“Sir, a text from Staff Sergeant Wilson.”

Tony squints at the clock on the wall of his lab. 6:07am. Maybe it's not that early for an Airman to be up and around. “Read it to me, J?” Tony asks as he thumbs through some design sketches.

“Certainly, Sir. ‘All hands on deck. Meeting today, 1pm. Barnes remembers.’ The text was sent to all Avengers, plus Maria Hill.”

If Sam was looping in Hill, then shit was about to go down. Not to mention the use of ‘Barnes’ over Bucky. The question is, how much their resident ex-assassin remembers. Tony appreciates the heads up, but he'd really prefer to not have to hear firsthand about how his parents died today. Or any day, actually.

He'd suspected, of course, that it wasn't just a car crash. Especially after Fury had brought him into the fold of SHIELD, and Tony had learned just how much spycraft and espionage good ol’ dad had his hands in. Making enemies and making weapons are a package deal, as Tony knows all too well.

When Steve and Natasha told him about the Zola algorithm, what it said about his father and Peggy, he couldn't believe it. No, that's not quite it. He didn't want to believe it. He'd heard vaguely of Operation Paperclip before, a passing historical anecdote whispered about over whiskeys with fellow scientists. Nazi butchers were quietly relocated to the States, hired by the government, and people were surprised that SHIELD had been compromised?

Tony's still turning it over in his head, trying to reason how much his father really knew. Howard's signatures appear in the Winter Soldier files, but on designs only. There's no indication that he knew what his designs were being used for. And yet, the man also hired Arnim Zola, a man so depraved Howard should have seen it coming a mile away. So what does that say about Howard?

As he pulls open a hologram of Barnes’ arm, Tony stomach lurches at a sudden realization. Howard used to have his coworkers over for coffee in the evenings – salons, he'd called them. The men would gather in the large living room and discuss everything from global relations to high temperature superconductors. Tony had, on occasion, spied into the room from the top of the stairs, peering down through the balusters to catch what scraps of dialogue he could.

And if Howard had brought his coworkers, that meant – Arnim Zola had been in his childhood home. Had sipped coffee from his grandmother's fine china and made conversation with his mother. The man responsible for their deaths had been invited in. Zola -- his body at least -- had died by the time Tony was born. But nevertheless, the thought of Arnim Zola, who committed many crimes against humanity -- and many crimes against one human in particular -- even crossing the threshold into his childhood home made Tony's skin crawl.

He wonders if Hill had known, before she'd gotten her hands on the Winter Soldier files – or if the assassination of Howard and Maria Stark had been a surprise even to her. He should be angry, he knows. He should be outright pissed. And yet, for the past few weeks, he's been sheltering the man that killed his parents.

It’s like this. A weapon doesn't choose where it's pointed. And that's what HYDRA had reduced Barnes to, through years of programming and conditioning and burning damn holes in his brain. Tony had been in captivity in Afghanistan for, what? A few weeks? And he'd almost cracked. Barnes had been captive for twenty years before his first mission, despite HYDRA's incredibly persuasive methods. The man had fought back for twenty years, then broke fifty years of brainwashing to defect from HYDRA to protect Steve. Paying for his recovery is the least Tony Stark can do.

“J, place a double order for everyone's preferred version of caffeine to be delivered to the meeting.”

“Certainly, Sir.”

***

Clint had heard chatter that Avengers Tower had a new guest, but he hadn't had reason to return to New York until a mysterious text from Sam Wilson, Rogers’ most recent recruit to the team. He doesn't love that there's another guy on the team with a bird gimmick, but regular guys are limited, he supposes. On the bright side, at least he has another normal human being to rant to in the post-mission ice baths.

Natasha has been…vague, to put it lightly. But Clint has been able to piece together that the Avengers have acquired another ex-assassin for deprogramming: one James Buchanan Barnes. Honestly, he’s surprised he hadn’t been called in earlier, due to both his experience with Natasha and Loki. He’s been on both sides of this scenario – the deprogrammer and the deprogrammed.

He still can't quite wrap his head around SHIELD being infiltrated. Sure, some people had felt kind of slimy, but that comes when you're working with paramilitary types. He could buy Rumlow and Rollins being HYDRA, but Sitwell? That squirrely little guy? And Pierce? Jesus, how high up does this thing go?

Natasha hasn't been…forthcoming about her emotional state, but Clint can imagine it ain't pretty. He feels a certain level of guilt – he'd been the one to convince her to join, after all. We're the good guys, he'd told her. Clint couldn't have known, but still. She thought she was doing some good in the world.

If he'd read her coded texts right, she'd even stepped up to act as the Soldier's “handler”. Clint can't even imagine touching that with a ten foot pole. It's still too raw, too real for him. He still rushes to the bathroom after his nightmares to check for unnaturally blue eyes. His mind still doesn't quite feel like his home. Like the last owner left behind mold and mildew.

Cut off one head and two more will take its place.

Good. Clint's thing has never been cutting off heads. More like shooting straight through them.

So when his phone pings on the kitchen counter and Laura reads it out to him, covered in a tangle of limbs and children, Clint knows he has to go. Mind control recovery is unfortunately, one of his specialties now. He presses a kiss to Laura and each of the children, before pealing out of the driveway in the farm truck. Destination: New York City.

***

“So, I’ve called you all in because we have a major development,” Sam says, standing at the head of the conference table. He gestures for Bucky to speak, and he gulps a few times before he can start, his flesh hand tracing the wood grain of the table.

“I’m regaining my mission-related memories,” his eyes stay fixed on the table as he speaks, all too aware that Tony Stark’s eyes are on him. “I remember everything from now to – to the 60’s.” Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Stark shift suddenly, and he has to take a breath before continuing. “I–I want HYDRA gone. I want to give you everything I know, so you can destroy them.” He pulls out the papers he’d been furiously scribbling on for the last five hours. “I’m trying to write down everything I can, but I – there’s just so much –”

“Barnes,” a level voice addresses him. He looks up to see the newcomer – Barton – peering at him. A sharpshooter in both thought and action. “What is the most significant threat we should neutralize first?”

“The others,” Bucky says without hesitation.

“Others?” Steve sits forward in his seat. “Others, like you?” Bucky notes how Hill's head whips towards him.

Bucky nods. “I wasn’t the only Winter Soldier subject. In the 90’s, HYDRA obtained five more doses of serum. Five more Winter Soldiers were made.” He looks up to see Steve’s face has paled, and the blond whispers something to Natalia, whose face remains impassive.

“And where, exactly, did HYDRA obtain five doses of supersoldier serum?” Stark asks, his tone of voice flat. Like he already knows the answer and is dreading the confirmation.

“December 16th, 1991, this Soldier was deployed to extract the serum from Target Howard Stark. No witnesses,” Bucky recites, his eyes firmly fixed on the wood grain of the table in front of him. “No survivors.”

Stark stands, rounding the table to get to the Sol – Bucky. “Tony,” Steve warns. Stark stops in front of Bucky, who braces himself for a blow. “I’m not going to hurt you, but I do want you to answer one question for me.” Stark crouches down to try and catch Bucky’s eye – “ look people in the eye when they address you, that’s what polite folk do,” a woman says, warm hand on the back of his neck – and Bucky meets his gaze with trepidation. “Do you know, was Howard Stark an active member of HYDRA?”

Bucky shakes his head. “He was never designated as an ally.”

“Did you ever see him participate in the Winter Soldier program?” Stark's eyes bore into his, and Bucky notes absently that they’re watering.

“Never,” he whispers.

A spell is broken by the word, and Stark lets out a long breath. “Okay, okay – that’s all I needed.” He rises, his knees cracking. “Carry on with the meeting, I just – I need a moment.” And he’s out the door, silence falling over the conference room again. A firm hand from Sam is on his shoulder. Warm. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” Sam murmurs. “Tony’s just…got a lot on his mind.”

“Where are the other Soldiers now?” Natalia asks, blessedly changing the subject.

“Siberia.” There’s a shuffling of papers, and Bucky finds the one he’s looking for. “Here. GPS coordinates will take you to a landing pad a half-mile away. Last I saw them,” he shudders, has to think for a second, to compose himself. “They were – unstable. Didn’t respond well to the programming. I had to…” he trails off, whispers of a memory percolating in his mind. “I had to protect Handler Karpov during an escape attempt.”

“What happened to them, after?” Steve asks.

“Frozen. Cryotubes. Like – like me. But as far as I know, they were never woken up. But then, I was transferred to America.”

“HYDRA dissolved in Russia soon after that,” Natalia notes. “You may be the only person alive who still remembers them.”

“They’re in the manual,” Bucky says immediately. “Whoever has that manual would know. It has their codewords too.”

“The red book? We have that, secured it at the same time we raided the Vault,” Steve tries to assure Bucky.

“True,” Natalia agrees. “But, we cannot guarantee that no one peeked at the other Winter Soldiers’ information when, well, operating Barnes.” She turns back to Bucky. “After your transfer to America, did you have any other handler other than Alexander Pierce?”

“Commander Rumlow was placed in the position of secondary handler, but I had no primary handlers other than Pierce.”

“Well, shit,” Sam breathes. “Would Rumlow have had access to the manual as a secondary handler?”

Bucky wracks his scattered memories. “It was permitted if required by protocol. If Handler Pierce could not be present, Commander Rumlow was the designated handler.”

“I told you he was creepy,” Barton jibes at Natalia. He turns to Hill, a beseeching look on his face. “Please tell me you detained him.”

Hill shakes her head, speaking for the first time in the meeting. “He’s in the wind. We looked in every possible hospital for him, given he’s likely got extreme burn wounds, but – nothing.”

“Well, he’s certainly in a position where a couple of supersoldiers would be advantageous,” Barton says grimly. “When do we suit up?”

“I’m writing down everything I can, but it’s going to take a few days. Everything is still,” Bucky waves his hand around his head. “Disordered. I can’t tell what happened chronologically unless I know the exact date.”

“Writing down – wait, you’re not coming with us?” Barton looks between Bucky, Sam, and Steve.

“I can’t – I can’t come with you,” Bucky apologizes, his gaze cast to the table once again.

Barton quirks his head to the side. “Why not? You’re the best man for the job.”

“The trigger sequence,” Steve says quietly. “If we run into anyone who knows the Soldier’s trigger words – like Rumlow – they’ll be able to control Buck all over again.”

“Oh, damn.” Barton sits back in his chair. “I’m sorry, man. So, are we planning an extraction, bringing them back here?

“No,” Bucky says with an urgency so sudden that it shocks even himself “You can’t – you have to kill them. You can’t save them. They’re not…like me.”

“How so?” Barton tips his head to the side again.

Bucky looks the marksman square in the face. “They volunteered.”

***

“Hey,” Steve's voice breaks the silence in the elevator after the meeting. “I just, I know that wasn't easy for you, being with so many people, talking about that stuff – but I'm proud of you.” Something warm blooms in Bucky's chest at the words, but he doesn't know why. “Do you want to still do our music hour, or do you wanna crash?”

Bucky quirks his head to the side. “Crash?”

“Uh, nap or something. Not do anything, basically,” Steve explains.

“That's a thing?”

“That's a thing,” Steve confirms. “A thing you can do.”

Bucky takes his spot in the blanket puddle on the couch. “I don't think I need a crash?” He picks up one of the books Steve had brought the other day.

“Got any requests then?” Steve turns his back to Bucky, fiddling with the turntable.

“The one without the words,” Bucky says. He doesn't think he can take many more words today. Too much talking. Too much listening.

“Goodman, huh? Good choice,” Steve says, chuckling a bit at his own words. The turntable crackles to life, and something about it quiets Bucky's mind, starts pulling his memories into a neater web.

“One more thing I gotta ask, Buck.” Steve rests his sketchbook in his lap, unopened. “We decided, someone's gotta stay with you. I mean, Bruce knows the most about your medical care, Sam's the best with the mental health stuff, guess it depends on what you think is best.”

Bucky's still having a hard time with that. The thinking for himself bit. What little discretion he had at HYDRA was mission-focused. He had to be able to make choices in the field. But everything else was…taken care of, even if he hadn't been a willing participant. Here, there's still rules, boundaries, but – it's exhausting. Choosing. Deciding.

His brain is tired.

Your body knows what it wants, Sam had told him. So he tries, not to think of the rational or logical possibilities. Tries to think of what he wants, and his body makes it pretty damn clear. He doesn't know why – and ain't that a long list – but he feels safe with Steve. His first night without nightmares in the Tower had been because of Steve. Steve hadn't let any of the scans or technicians hurt him either. He'd explained why Bucky couldn't go on the mission, had saved Bucky from the shame of explaining – yet again – that he's a passenger in his own mind.

Moreover, he knows Steve can hold his own against him – against the Soldier, still lurking in the back of his brain. He cannot say the same for Sam or Natalia. He hasn't seen Bruce's capabilities yet, and he knows Barton is only human. So he asks Steve, as protection for himself and everyone else:

“Can you stay?”

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