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#coming out of the coffin
eggcatsreads · 1 month
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𝕮𝖔𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝕺𝖚𝖙 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕮𝖔𝖋𝖋𝖎𝖓 and its sequel by D.A. Holmes are fun, campy horror novels that expertly weave the real struggles many of us face within the community, along with the more specific ones faced by our vampiric main character - Vlad Radu.
Faced with the decision to come out - both to his parents and the world at large - while he tries living a "normal" human life with a minimum wage job (and a massive crush on your neighbor) is no easy task. This is made even harder as he keeps getting caught in more and more dangerous (and sometimes ridiculous) situations. Together with his coworker and best friend Alison Grady, they have to learn how to survive Vlad’s new life as a vampire living with humans.
I really recommend these novels if you were looking for a bit of fresh air in the vampire genre with a lot of moments of hilarity - as well as a good dash of danger (and a little romance) thrown in. Both of these books were super fun reads, and I finished them both in like a 2 day span that helped me start to break my most recent reading slump.
(Also, I love the cover art for these books 😍).
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If the wiki’s are right…Sookie Stackhouse is 25 at the beginning of the show, born in 1979, 2 years after Vampires came out of the coffin.
1979+25=2004-2=2002
Vampires Came Out of The Coffin in 2002✨
There are some places that have her birth as 1983 which would put The Great Revelation in the year 2006 🤷
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vamprisms · 3 months
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writers that try to make monsters like vampires an allegory for like... systematically oppressed people but they still like rip people's throats out and the oppressors have a real reason to fear and try to subjugate them and call them fake slurs like fangers or whatever. like.... what are you talking about you're scaring me.
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s0fter-sin · 8 months
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“simon riley’s dead,” ghost chokes out; bitter resentment coating his tongue. “i’m just wearin’ ‘is corpse.”
mactavish doesn’t shy from his venom; sees through his hiss and doesn’t fear his rotten-fanged bite. he reaches out, pressing the flat of his hand to his breast and ghost damns himself for the way his breath catches; for the way his shoulders curl in around it in a silent plea for it to stay.
“that’s no drum in your chest,” he whispers defiantly.
his hand slowly drags over his chest, coming to rest over his sternum and he feels its possession like a brand against his skin.
“it ain’t bellows inflating your lungs,” he dares and he involuntarily inhales; his body longing to rise to his challenge.
mactavish pushes and he rocks back on his heels just to sway in closer; just to beg for the pressure to chase the phantom weight of six feet of dirt from his bones.
“you’re far from rigor mortis, riley,” he promises and there’s air at ghost’s back instead of decaying wood and infested flesh. “i won’t let the earth take you from me yet.”
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bishy437 · 10 months
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congratulations to moshang for being the most popular pairing of my mxtx charms! 💙 🧡
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And congratulations to Coffin!Hualian for being the overall most popular item LOL ❤️🤍
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radiance1 · 1 year
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Jack got into an accident that booted him out from his own universe, leaving him stranded in an entirely different universe. Danny came along with him, but is pretty much weakened by whatever situation they were in before where he wanted to keep his dad alive.
Jack searched around for what he had on him, a few ecto-batteries, a Fenton thermos and his jumpsuit.
Luckily around him laid the very destroyed yet salvageable parts of a machine that was brought along when this happened. So he took it apart and decided to make something outta it.
Danny meanwhile is not doing that hot, so he took to sleeping his fatigue away, he doesn't know how long it'll take but eh. So when his father built a coffin he very happily climbed in and started napping away.
Which, it wasn't supposed to be a coffin nor for him to sleep in, but Jack just went what the hell and decided to modify his original plan. Installing the ecto-batteries he tinkered them to draw in the ambient ectoplasm from their surroundings (which is far less than Amity Park but eh) and release it into the coffin to act as some kind of recharge station for his kidd-o. At least he hopes, then added some straps so he could put it and voila.
There strapped to his back was the Fenton-coffin, bound to (hopefully) recharge your ghost kid from either sickness, loss of power or both! Call now and you can get on for-
Now with Danny safely secured to his back and in a safe (enough) environment. Jack went on to (hopefully) find something to get them back home.
It is weird seeing superheroes that aren't ghosts though.
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greenieflor · 2 years
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Corroded coffin releases a new album with a ballad called "princess". A bunch of fans use this song as "proof" that eddie is straight until an interviewer asks him about it point blank. He smiles and tells them that it's about gay sex with his husband and the entire fanbase goes wild
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dailyloopdeloop · 4 months
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DAY 71: shy
#codacheetah#isat#loop isat#isabeau isat#isat spoilers#i'll never get over loop being described as 'shy'. what a wonderful image#top one casual remarks from isabeau that cleaves loop's facade#like loop's personality is just a targeted missile to piss siffrin off. they're not at all confident and snarky#they're doing like the physical manifestation of winning an argument against yourself in the shower#second they see the party though Oopsies we're in scary territory. That's your family and they dont know it's you Oops#ok anyways ever since i saw that post i was like damn. this is just how i view loop in party postcanon#for as much as I think they SHOULD go explore around and be their own person for a while i think realistically they would not do that.#theyre going to go be a weird freak hovering around the party and refusing to socialize with anyone but siffrin and theyre gonna feel awful#(read: they're going to antagonize siffrin and it fails tremendously bc now The Rumor Come Out and siffrin knows what loop is doing.)#like loop as much as they can barely stand to even look at isabeau (for instance) i think their claws are sunk far too deep in.#onehats maybe the circumstances are different because there is a gap in understanding. there's no point forcing siffrin to confront the#obvious conclusion that loop is them (and thus siffrin's happy ending nails loop's coffin)#(THIS IS IGNORING TWOHATS PREREQS GOTTEN ONEHATS. BC THATS ITS OWN CAN OF WORMS)#but twohats. idk. for as much as it lets loop release some of their rage and process their feelings a bit. i think it might also be the pus#that makes loop consider their own existence as a person a bit more. theyre not a sponsor->corpse theyre just loop#theyre just somebody who wants desperately. they want to stay with them#theyre still siffrin. if also loop.#i think loop would force themself to reconnect with the party in the same vein as siffrin forcing himself to communicate more.#but of course having conviction and living an experience are not the same thing. so siffrin's going to flounder the emotional honesty thing#tremendously and loop's going to be. blair witching it in the corner.#hey i might have forgotten which post i was writing the tags under. oopsies#idk if these tags are comprehensible at all. i just really want to see loop fail upwards into friendship with everyone
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theblobmaster · 4 months
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i read this fic the other day that gave me an interesting idea for a jaydick fic. i have never written them i probably won't ever write this idea. it'd have to be a long fic for it to be satisfying
but the premise is just: what if dick was visiting jason's grave the day superboy prime decided to punch reality and therefore bringing back jason? and in this version superboy prime's punch reverts jason back to how he was before the joker got to him, none of his physical injuries present. the psychological damage is still there. i think i remember that his brain damage came from being hit by a truck as soon as he got out of his grave
but just dick visiting jason's grave, sitting down and talking to his gravestone when there's a sudden shift in the air lasting barely a second and then he can hear muffled cries from underneath him.
dick unsure how to react for a moment but the muffled cries continue and then he's running to borrow a spade from the groundskeeper. maybe they're there and try to stop him, maybe they're not and dick is alone in the graveyard except for the cries coming from jason's grave.
just dick being there to meet jason halfway as he tries to breakout of his coffin and crushing him to his chest because somehow jason is alive and they can figure out how and why later.
and maybe jason is confused because him and dick weren't close before he died and he's still disoriented from waking up in a coffin and why is dick crying and clutching him. but he lets himself be held because the last thing he remembers is being alone and knowing he's going to die and now he's not alone.
it'd be so interesting to explore how much that would change his dynamic with the family as a whole. wish i had the writing chops to flesh this more out.
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sourscratched · 6 months
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some old old fang gang sketches
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ghost-bxrd · 18 days
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Prompt:
Calvin Rose finds a catatonic teenager roaming the streets and… well, the poor kid looks dead on his feet, and it’s raining cats and dogs, he can’t just leave him there.
And, it’s fine. He’s just passing through (can’t risk more with the Court still at large) and will be back on the road come morning. And he’ll sleep easier knowing he kept the kid from certain death.
So, really, how the hell did he end up with the very same kid riding shotgun and nagging him to turn up the radio to Phoebe Bridgers?
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steddieas-shegoes · 2 months
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i'm coming out
for @corrodedcoffinfest prompt 'pride'
rated t | 880 words | no cw | tags: coming out, bisexual king gareth, side steddie
🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈
Gareth hated to admit it, but he was jealous.
He was jealous of Steve still being able to hide under the radar enough that he could go to gay clubs and pride events without anyone batting an eye. He was jealous of Eddie being out publicly, not having to keep any part of his life a secret except for what he truly wanted to. And he was jealous of his own boyfriend, Sam, for not even having to worry about how the public would react if they knew he was gay.
"I just think it sounds like you want to come out," he said over the phone. "If Eddie can, why can't you?"
"It's not that easy!" Gareth argued, though he wasn't really sure how to back that argument up. It was that easy. Nobody in the band would care if he decided to come out, and most of the fans would be fine with it if they went off their reaction to Eddie coming out.
"Why not?" Sam asked, calm in Gareth's chaos.
"Because if people don't like Eddie, it can be for any number of reasons. He's loud, or a nerd, or too hyper. If they don't like me, it's definitely just because I like men." Gareth had never actually acknowledged that thought before, but here he was, saying it out loud on the phone to his boyfriend. "I don't want people to hate me."
"Baby..." Sam started. He sighed. "It's your choice. You know I would never pressure you to do anything you aren't ready for. But it does sound like the only person who is holding you back is you."
Gareth didn't feel like talking about it more, but Sam let him change the subject and the rest of the conversation went fine.
"Think about it, Gare," Sam said as they hung up.
That's all he did for days. He saw countless posts about pride events in the cities they were stopping in on the tour, Eddie even made an appearance at a drag brunch and left VIP tickets for the performers to come to Corroded Coffin's show that night. He thought about being able to be a part of the community in the way he knew he could be.
"Ed?" He asked right before they all went to bed.
"Yeah?" Eddie was typing out a text on his phone, probably some long and romantic and disgusting ode to Steve.
"You're going to the parade in Boston right?"
Eddie looked up from his phone, brows furrowing. "Yeah, why?"
"Mind if I come with you?"
"You're always welcome, you know that." Eddie smiled. "You coming as an ally or as the 'B' in LGBTQIA+?"
"I think I'm gonna come as me."
****
He didn't tell Sam what he was doing, figured he would have time between getting back to the tour bus and when news started hitting.
He forgot that Sam tracked alerts on Twitter for him.
His phone started ringing the moment he hit the end of the parade route.
"Hey, love," Gareth couldn't stop smiling. He'd never felt like he belonged here quite like he did today. "All okay?"
"I'm so fuckin' proud of you." Sam's smile was evident in his voice. "You could've given me a little warning though. Seeing 20 notifications pop up at once is a bit terrifying."
"Sorry. Wanted to surprise you. Did you like my shirt?" Gareth looked down at the shirt he was wearing.
"You mean the "ask me about my boyfriend" with a bi pride flag shirt? Yeah, I'd like a matching one as soon as possible."
"Yeah?"
They both laughed as Gareth found a small corner of the alley they'd stopped in to be alone.
"I can't wait to kiss you. This is the hottest thing you've ever done."
"What about that time I fucked you against my drum set?" Gareth asked with a smirk.
"Okay. The second hottest thing you've ever done. Still don't know how you had the strength to hold most of my weight for that long," Sam sounded like his thoughts were drifting to the memory of that day. "Anyway! I don't wanna keep you from having fun. But call me later."
"Okay, babe. Wish you were here," Gareth said softly. "Miss you."
"Miss you too. But only three weeks until you're home."
"Feels like forever."
"Dramatic." Sam laughed. "I love you, baby."
"I love you, too. If you see me getting drunk in a gay bar later, no you don't."
"I'd buy you a drink if I was there."
"Three weeks."
"21 days."
"You two are disgusting." Eddie yelled from a few feet away.
Sam laughed and said goodbye as Gareth walked over to Eddie.
"Not any more disgusting than you and Steve," he grumbled. "At least Steve comes with you for most of the tour."
"Can you imagine if he didn't? The world would end."
Gareth rolled his eyes. "Uh huh. Drinks?"
"Drinks!" Eddie threw his arms up and started running down the block, ignoring the yells of people recognizing him as he made his way to the bar they'd already chosen.
Gareth followed, unable to wipe the smile from his face. He was out, and maybe he'd have to do it more officially later on, but for now, this was enough.
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butterflysonnets · 8 months
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yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.
to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!
i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.
also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.
they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.
they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.
i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.
#eve text#elmike#stranger things#byler#only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol#tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS#god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear#i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable#i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts#elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about#even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike#i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up#the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much “he was a boy she was a girl” to me#and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing...#the fact that lumax exists — a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy — makes that clear to me#and the “love confession” in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin#also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choice…#fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK#so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows#i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too???#love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk#tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO...#like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their “golden couple” LMAO#stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest#anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul#i need frivolity#ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show
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s0fter-sin · 8 days
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ghost stares at the ceiling, chest heaving in a harsh pant; sweat ice on his clammy flesh and soaked into the sheet he restlessly kicks away.
ears still ringing, his fingertips blindly drift down to trail along his vivisection scar. he half-expects blood to smear in their wake. his own line of solomon, who ordered him split in twain; half of him given to a grieving mother and half left with the grieving to be.
just for both his broken halves to be rejected.
what did it make him that his mother grieved him more than she loved him? that she begged to be relieved of him more adamantly than she begged to receive him? why did his worth spill out with his drawn blood? why was his pain lesser than hers?
his hand flexes, digging into the raised scar like it’ll part beneath his fingertips to plunge into his mangled insides. no one knows the cruelty of reforming the halved; his name, his being, not nearly as important as his body when he was stripped from himself. no one knows the pain of healing and understanding losing pieces of yourself means losing your value along with them.
how many more pieces did he have to lose before he was halved once more? before his very presence incurred grief so strong it was better to be rid of him than cradle his bloodied remains?
did the infant fight himself? did he age always at odds with himself; his halves never truly whole? he hopes he wasn’t, that he was spared the loss of self; the fear that one may be welcomed over the other.
who will he lose when the inevitable comes? when he’s ripped apart again? simon? or ghost? is it better to be cursed with choice just like his mother or live with an aftermath chosen for him? does it matter if in the end, he convinces himself there was nothing of him left to lose?
his head lolls to the side and the wild buck of his chest slows. he watches johnny beside him, his face lax with the rare peace of sleep; his cheek squished against the pillow, his lips pursed as long breaths escape him.
johnny. soap. never torn asunder but two all the same.
he carefully reaches out and ghosts his fingers along the jagged scar on his chin. even in sleep, he presses into his bloodied touch. he’s never fled his half-flesh, never shies away from his gore as it spills unbidden from his cleaved torso. he holds on where his mother let him go; cups his stomach to hold his insides in place and never minds the blood that drips through his fingers.
simon will never let him become his own solomon and cannibalise himself. he will never let him question which half of him has more value; which pieces he can afford to lose before he’s cast aside.
ghost’s soap. simon’s johnny. his.
whole, in any incarnation.
#yall know the story of king solomon?#and the two mothers who claim a baby is theirs so he orders the baby cut in half so they can each have half of him?#well guess what woke me up out of a dead sleep and demanded to be written?#anyway roba showing simon clips of his mum on the news begging for the safe return of her boy#for the government to do something; /anything/ please she just wants her son back#just for ghost to dig himself out of simon's coffin and she can't bear to look at the man he's become#he's cold and afraid and hesitant and angry and in pain and so different from her little boy that it's just too difficult for her#he's a living breathing reminder that her simon didn't come back from the desert#and ghost has to live with the knowledge that his mum couldn't love him through anything#that maybe if he got himself out sooner if he was stronger or smarter or a better soldier... if he hadn't let simon die...#maybe he wouldn't have changed so much that she wouldn't look him in the eye and see a stranger#if you know anything about me by now you know i love the separation of the self and the person they become around others or bc of trauma#whether thats hizashi and present mic or simon and ghost its one of my absolute favourite tropes#and simon knowing hes become someone else and going home expecting to still be loved anyway?#just for this new version of himself to be rejected?#thats the moment he fractures into ghost#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#soap cod#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghoap#ghost call of duty#cod mw2#cod mwii#save post
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percicosoftcore · 10 months
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andrew graves is my beloved sex symbol, walking red flag of a man who’s got a sister complex and i cherish him for it but, SINCE WE’RE APPRECIATING NEMLEI’S WORK CAN WE PLEASE TALK MORE ABOUT ‘BECAUSE LIFE WITH ME IS SO DIZZYING AND INTOXICATING’ YULE FROM NO GOOD NOELLE?
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artiststarme · 1 year
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Where's The "Talk"?
Based on a prompt from @samcoxramblings. I hope this meets your expectations! Please leave your thoughts in the comments and if you have any more angsty prompts, send them my way!
~*~*~*~
After coming out to the Party, Eddie and Steve were on their toes for days just waiting for someone to give them the ‘Talk’. They were amped up, prepared to receive loads of various threats ranging in creativity and snipe. But the days came and went and no one mentioned anything. Anytime Eddie would mention expecting a shovel talk to protect their babysitter, the kids awkwardly looked between one another before changing the subject. When Steve mentioned to Robin and Nancy that no one had warned him against hurting Eddie yet, they just rolled their eyes and ignored him. Neither man knew what the Party was waiting for. 
After a week, Eddie loses his patience and asks the kids at their Hellfire session. “Okay guys, what gives? Where are the outlandish threats of violence, the creative insults about my character, the whole shabang? I’ve been on the edge of my seat for fucking days.”
“Eddie, what the hell are you talking about?” Dustin asked him, sounding puzzled. 
Eddie snorted a sound of frustration. “The shovel talk! Steve and I told you that we were dating a week ago and no one has said anything! Is this a gay thing? Are you too scared of being homophobic to say anything? I can take it!”
The kids looked uncomfortable but Mike spoke. “Look man, we just don’t want to waste our time. You and Steve aren’t going to last. I mean, look how different you guys are! You’re awesome, you DM for Hellfire, and you’re in a band. What does Steve do? He works at Family Video all day and sure, he looks kinda good without a shirt on, but he has nothing else going for him!”
Lucas and Dustin looked at him in confusion before Dustin cleared his throat. “Eddie, we know you’re not going to hurt each other. You’re both our big brothers and you’re not actually dating. Steve likes girls! I’m sure he’s just looking for a way to let you down easy. I’m sorry, man.”
Meanwhile, Eddie looked at them indifferently. He couldn’t believe that these little assholes would say that to him and at a DnD session no less! He whipped his head to look at the original Hellfire members only to find Gareth, Jeff, and Grant looking shellshocked. 
“Do you boys feel the same way?” He asked them, his eyes flashing dangerously. 
Jeff shook his head slightly, “no way, man. We just don’t know Steve well enough to give him a talk. You know we’ve always supported you, if you want us to threaten him a little, we can.”
“Yeah, we’ll threaten the socks off of him!” Grant nodded. Gareth though just continued glaring at the kids.
Eddie nodded, it seemed there was a division of true friends and posers around the table. If his little sheep didn’t want to believe he and Steve would last, he’d show them. He and Steve were for life. Eddie was like a parasite, a viral STD if you will. Once you got him, you were stuck with him forever.
“Well, thank you for sharing your opinion. Does anyone else feel that way?” He asked them. Did the rest of the Party share the same views? He desperately needed to know. 
Lucas nodded slowly, “well, yeah. Hopper says you guys are only seeing each other because you’re trauma-bonded and Robin said that it doesn’t mean anything anyways.”
Eddie chuckled sardonically. Oh so, the entire Party was against them? Fine, he didn’t need to be a part of the group that tore his life apart anyways. 
“Alright, Hellfire’s disbanded. Get your stuff and get out. Corroded Coffin, we’ll continue the campaign as a three-piece on Thursday before band practice. I’m going to go see Steve, the guy I’m in a relationship with. You know, the one that ‘doesn’t mean anything’ since we’re ‘too different’ and ‘trauma-bonded’ and ‘waiting to get let down easy’? Go fuck yourself and fuck your precious Party too.” And with that, Eddie stormed out. 
He drove straight to Family Video and was ashamed to find that frustrated tears had started leaking from his eyes. He couldn’t believe this. After all they’d gone through together with the Upside Down and psychic killers and murder accusations, being in a relationship with Steve was the tipping point? Absolutely ridiculous. He darted into the video store and didn’t even slow his stride as he threw his arms around Steve where he was talking to a customer. 
“What the- Eddie? Hey, what’s going on? Are you okay?” He asked him before turning back to the customer. “I’m sorry, could you talk to Robin over at the counter please? Have a nice day.”
Steve gently herded him into the employee lounge and pressed his teary face into the crook of his neck. “Eds, hey, what happened?”
“I’m so sorry, Stevie. I never should’ve said anything!”
“About what? What’s going on? Weren’t you supposed to be playing DnD today with the kids today?” Steve asked him. He wiped the tears from underneath Eddie’s eyes and rested a hand on the back of his neck for comfort.
“I asked the kids why we hadn’t gotten a shovel talk from anyone yet before we even started. They said that no one in the Party thinks we’re going to last. Hopper thinks we’re trauma-bonded, Mike doesn’t think we’re fucking compatible, Dustin thinks you’re faking it, and Robin thinks we’re not serious. They’re not interested in ‘wasting their time’ giving us a talk.”
Steve blinked in surprise before his face hardened. “We don’t need their acceptance or their approval. We know they’re wrong and that’s what matters. We don’t even need a talk from them. Fuck ‘em! We can give ourselves a shovel talk if our good-for-nothing-friends can’t do it!”
“Steve-” 
“I’m serious, who gives a shit about their opinions? Who are they to judge? Dustin’s dating a girl over the radio that lives in goddamn Utah or some shit. Lucas can’t judge because Max broke up with him again for like the tenth time this month. Mike’s only girlfriend was a girl he found in the woods that didn’t know any better than to date him. Robin’s never even been in a relationship so she can’t judge us for having one. And Hopper is 100% going to be in the doghouse after I tell Joyce about what he said. Fuck what they have to say.”
“But Stevie, how are we going to give one to ourselves? That doesn’t even make sense,” Eddie told him gently.
“Fine, then we’ll give one to each other. Eddie, if you break my heart, I’m going to give Wayne adoption papers and take your last name whether you want me to or not.”
Eddie sputtered, “what the fuck? What kind of talk is that? You’re supposed to threaten me with physical harm, not whatever mindfuckery that was!”
“Don’t belittle my shovel talk! Like you could do any better,” Steve scoffed at him.
“Oh yeah? Steve, if you break my heart then I’m going to break your kneecaps so you can’t leave until I win you back. And if I break your heart, I’m going to finish what the bats started.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Eddie! Are you okay? That’s fucking violent!” Steve yelled.
“That’s the point!” Eddie screamed back.
“No it’s not!”
“Yes it is, you’re supposed to threaten to hide the body with a shovel,” Eddie said like it was obvious. 
“Dingus, stop talking to Eddie and get back to work. We have a line,” Robin said exasperatedly, poking her head into the back room. 
“We’re giving each other shovel talks since you losers wouldn’t do it. You know, since this means something. I’ll be out when we’re done with that,” Steve told her bitchily. 
“Fuck off Buckley,” Eddie hissed venomously. Robin looked shocked at his mutiny but backed away regardless. 
Steve stared at the door for a moment but Eddie drew his attention back to himself with a whispered, “if you don’t hurt me, I’ll help you hide a body.”
Steve cackled and murmured back, “you already were accused of murder once, you need to stop being so violent!”
They continue to date until marriage is legalized in the state of Illinois, where they move shortly after they deliver their truly remarkable shovel talks. As payback, they get a marriage certificate at the courthouse and don’t invite anyone from the Party to act as witnesses. Instead, Uncle Wayne, Jeff, Gareth, and Grant surround them and hear the clerk declare them husbands. 
(Hopper and the rest of the Party find out at Christmas that year and everyone loses their shit in synchrony. They all learn a valuable lesson that day that Eddie Munson holds the meanest of grudges.)
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