#coming out is hard
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Anyone else dread just making comments like oh she’s pretty cause then people automatically follow it up with “oh r you gay?” you can’t even deny it.
I fucking hate coming out more than anything, I’m so terrified of people knowing my sexuality
#coming out#gay#lgbtq community#lgbtqia#lgbtq#bisexaul#lesbian#coming out is hard#internalized homophobia#homophobia
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i really thought coming out to friends would be easy, “i’ve known them for years, why wouldn’t it?”, but even that was one of the hardest things ever. i was comfortable doing it with one person, but for the other two i’ve told myself, it was way harder than i was expecting it to be. i mean, maybe i should have expected it, but i would have expected it if it were people i don’t know very well or my parents, but these are people i’ve known my entire life. it was so difficult, i spent 5-10 minutes just standing there trying to think of what to say, trying not to cry.
sorry this isn’t a “normal post”, i just wanted to get this off my chest
please scroll responsibly, friends behind the glass sheet i call my phone screen
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Kazui got voted innocent and we only have one more trail. The last video he’s going to lie again. It would’ve been interesting to see him tell the truth for once straight up. Hinako deserved better.
#kazui has been lying since he was a kid tho#and that’s hard to stop#coming out is hard#MILGRAM project#kazui mukuhara#hinako mukuhara
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I need to talk about this because it's making me feel insane.
Last week, my white leftist goyisch friends sat me, a wholeass antizionist Jew, down for a "talk" because they "needed to check in about Palestine" and make sure "our values aligned before we hung out again". They apparently needed to "suss out" where I stood on Palestinian rights, despite having had several conversations about Palestine and them being some of my closest friends. They needed to check, to search for and uncover my true values, because I had said some "disturbing things" that had made them "suspicious".
Disturbing things included:
Supporting IfNotNow which is a "liberal zionist organization" because it normalizes Jewish heritage in the Levant
Not bringing Palestine up enough, despite them also not bringing it up (this was apparently a test)
Mentioning that the Houthi's flag talks about cursing all Jews
Saying Stalin was antisemitic because of the "all the paw-grihms"
...and apparently other things they wouldn't specify, but had been tracking for months.
To clarify, I am an antizionist Jew from three generations of antizionist Jews. I have been vocal in my support of Palestinian liberation and in my condemnation both of Israel's actions and its violent founding as a state, and of zionism in many of its forms. I am a regular donor to Palestinian and Jewish NGOs and advocate for Jewish antizionism in person, at temple, and online. I have been talking about Palestinian liberation before they could point to Gaza on a map. But they needed to make sure, they needed to "suss out", they needed to check. And it's notable that the majority of moments that made them suspicious of me were times where I talked about antisemitism: not about Palestinian liberation, not about Israeli decolonization, not about anything actually relevant to Palestine. It was talking about antisemitism that made them check to see if I was a cryptozionist.
One of the most pervasive and insidious forms of antisemitism is the idea that Jews are inherently untrustworthy and suspicious. You have to constantly be on guard, track what they say and do, "suss out" the real truth. You have to keep them in line and and watch them carefully because they're liars and sneaks, and if you're not looking closely they'll return to their real values (and drag you down with them). This is where the idea of "cryptozionist" comes from and what it's directly building off of: the inherent untrustworthiness of Jews and the need to check. Because no matter how close you become you can't actually trust them, and any upstanding gentile should make sure to avoid associating with Jews before "sussing out" their real allegiances and intentions. You have to make them turn out their pockets, just in case.
I'm the first and only Jew they actually were friends with; I know because they've told me (strangely proud of it in the way white Americans are proud of that kind of thing). They've asked me questions about Judaism and fawned over how beautiful and unique it was for me to be connected to my community and culture. Pre-October 7th, one of them had even mentioned being interested in coming to services at my temple. She still has my copy of our siddur. But now she needed to "check" before she could be seen with me in public. Which is what it was: it wasn't a "you're my friend and I need to give you some feedback because you're fucking up" kind of intervention (which is normal and important to have), it was a trial. It was a last chance for me to prove to them that I'm clean-enough that they could afford to risk being seen with me in public, just in case someone noticed them fraternizing with a hypothetical Enemy and their leftism was compromised. It was a test to make sure that I behave properly when required to, that I'd play along and do what I'm told and turn out my pockets if asked (because any refusal would validate the notion of having something to hide). And above all it was an opportunity for them to reaffirm their own cleanliness by putting my imagined immorality in its place.
I did what I needed to do: I smiled. I apologized. I "didn't know that". I "appreciated the feedback". I turned out my pockets because what else could I do? They'd decided who I was and what I believed, regardless of what I said or did, so there was no point in explaining that they were wrong about me. If I had told them they were being antisemitic, it would just have been proof that they were right. Caring about antisemitism is a dogwhistle in the spaces they've chosen: it's not a real form of oppression, it's a tactic for sneaky, lying Jews to weasel out of admitting their true alliances. There was nothing I could say.
Nothing's really changed for me. I'm going to continue my activism for Palestinian liberation rooted in my culture and my faith. Antizionism is still not antisemitism. But I got a reminder that many white goyisch leftists fundamentally just don't trust Jews, and that the activist spaces they're in not only exacerbate their antisemitism in an increasingly insular echo chamber, but also allow them to finally vent their internalized bigotry in a socially-acceptable way. In my former friends' eyes, what they did was activism—disavowing a Jew (and making me feel humiliated, scared, and unclean in the process) as a cathartic stand-in for doing fucking anything for actual Palestinian liberation—but for me it was a grief that I'll be feeling for a long time: not only over losing friends I loved and trusted, but also over my sense of belonging and security in leftist spaces.
#jumblr#I need to talk about this because I feel like I'm losing it a little#its incredibly disconcerting to have this come out of nowhere from people I trusted and it's hard to not blame myself somehow#antizionism#antizionist jew#judaism#jewish#jew#jewblr#leftist#leftism#leftist antisemitism#antisemitism#Palestine#Israel#again to reiterate: I am just as committed to Palestinian liberation as ever and antizionism is still not antisemitism#but fuck do some leftists put in the legwork to making it seem like it is huh#free Palestine
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and they were roommates
#danny phantom#danny fenton#sam manson#tucker foley#jack fenton#college au#i designed the house so here are some of my thoughts about it hahaha#the mansons bought the house really flippantly because it made financial sense not to rent for the next four years#and also they can probs make money renting it out after the trio graduates#they were not expecting how involved the foleys and the fentons would get lmao#the trio lives together really well#but sam hates how the boys take care of the bathroom on their floor#she forces them to clean it before people come over#danny is way more open about his powers in this house#he could have gotten away with that last one if he remembered that he can be invisible#but the boy is sleep deprived so who can blame him#sam colored her hair pink senior year of high school but light colors are too hard to maintain so she swapped to dark purple later
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“I know who’s in those ducts. It’s my freak-ass uncle.”
#every episode of nsbu that comes out is my new favorite episode of nsbu#tomorrow I might do another version of this where they look stupid. this one makes them look cool (inaccurate)#never stop blowing up#d20#clay does art#no id#this made me laugh So Hard#this whole scene. yeah#nsbu#dimension 20
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New Patreon tier art now FNAF themed,,
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#fnaf 2#fnaf 3#my sona#chica the chicken#mangle#balloon boy#springtrap#the puppet#freddy fazbear#Patreon#more revamping art for Patreon!!#I’m super happy how all this turned out#the idea is each tier is based off the nights#so night 1 might 2 etc#and then I made each tier based off one of the first 3 games#I think it came out really nice!!#a real sense of place..#tysm for everyone who decided to follow my patreon and what not#announcements coming soon!#keep those eyes out!! 👀#been working really hard to finish off the art for all this pff
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I’m not immune to pretty dragon age elves
#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#da4#dragon age 4#can’t believe out of all the media I’m into it’s dragon age that gets me out of my 4 year artblock#don’t look too hard at this I didn’t know wtf I was doing during 80% of the time#my brain is scrambled rn there’s way too many things I’m looking foward to that are coming out soon [insert wolf tearing off shirt meme]#my art
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I UNDERSTAND WHY SO MANY GAY PPL R ONLY FRIENDS W OTHER GAY PPL HOLYYY SHIT
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corvidae
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#blood/#yuuji#im not tagging this as spoilers idc sue me . iykyk but i dont think it's obvious enough at all 2 warrant the tag#idrk what this is sorry ive been having a hard time drawing n feeling inspired lately :'>>> so it goes#i find i tend to default to drawing birds when that happens ???#did it with gojo did it with shiro and now it's yuuji's turn ig#sometimes it's helpful to just . mess around with a whole bunch of brushes until something looks ok#and birds and feathers lean soooo well 2 playing around w brushes theyre very forgiving#flowers also kind of so i threw in some camellias bc i figured why not add More Red#i think they mean something that's probably relevant but i was more looking fr the shape of the petals#th rounded tops blend rly seamlessly with the way i rendered th feathers so i am like!!!! nice#just checked also apparently red camellias just mean love and devotion lmao should have guessed#'perishing with grace' also hm hm hm that's kind of wild with th crows#anyway i didn't put too much thought in2 this one so i won't talk fr ages about the symbolism it's all pretty much right there#anyway ty fr being patient with me im sorry draws have been slow :<#ill come out of it ill bounce back!
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How did Treasure Planet manage to come up with the greatest aesthetic in all human history? Victorian elegance plus space-age flair, with just enough dirt and grime and wear and tear to make it feel real? A combination of traditional and computer animation that perfectly embodies the movie's blend of old and futuristic? How does it get any better than that?
#treasure planet#turned it on on a whim#because sylvia's lovers put me in the mood for sailing ship vibes#and it turns out it fits in really well with the north and south space opera i've been thinking about again#it's really hard for me not to give thornton a giant beautiful space sailing ship#(no you can't do it! the point is that they're industrial and purely functional!)#also i've got another post brewing about how treasure planet is an excellent boy's adventure coming-of-age story#and we need more of those because i feel like the genre doesn't exist in the same way these days#but i'm not sure i could say what i mean without getting folks up in arms#so i'm keeping it to the tags
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I have a LOTT of sketches I could post rn but these 2 are recent and I'm fond of them <3 Steph costume ideas and Tim/Damian cringe bickering inspired by Batman: Brave and the Bold #18!
#dc comics#dc#damian wayne#stephanie brown#tim drake#been drawing more self indulgent doodles lately which is nice#these r sort of a part of that lol#i drew the tim and damian one back when that stort actually came out it's. definitely interesting#if only for portraying Tim and Damian as equally flawed individuals (contrasted to the zdarsky batman for example)#AND unintentionally highlighted how low-key embarrassing it is that Tim is still robin. it's got a part two coming out sometime this month#and the Steph doodle was inspired by me rereading her batgirl run since the trade came out! and remembering how hard Lee Garbetts art slayed#but yeah while i figure out what to post and how- have this#the tim and damian one got like 3 likes on the bird app meanwhile the Steph one is at 1.3k w 93 bookmarks#say what you will about the bird app but when you get the right ppls attention that place does NOT have to be batboy centric#(or soley batboy centric. i like them a lot (damian mainly) but the variety is nice compared to here)
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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wing stuff!
experimenting with a more cartoon style, idk what i'm doing loll
tagging: @goodomensafterdark <3
#ymight say i'm *winging* it!!#then again you might not#my art#good omens#fanart#crowley#aziraphale#wings#digital art#digital painting#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#wasn't completely without references here esp for the wings#but i got further away than usual#and didn't use screenshots of michael sheen or david tennant's faces to do the characters' faces#i'm all right with how everything turned out except crowley's face#i have a hard time simplifying and leaving things out for drawing small or more cartoony#i end up trying to clumsily cram more detail in than the size or style wants and it looks weird#oh well it is practice it is valuable!!#i did most of this yesterday which was my bday lol present to myself#my days of short captions and a journal in the tags have come to a middle
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Y’know, I feel like we don’t give the writers enough credit when it comes to Soren
So often when a character is the “comic relief”, they start off with dynamic personalities and then lose them as the season go on (looking at you Cat Valentine and Steve Palchuk), but not Soren
No, Soren somehow manages to jump between being comic relief and genuinely serious and caring seamlessly. And it’s all the same character, too! He doesn’t feel like he’s switching personalities they’re just other facets of who he is and it’s amazing!!!
#tdp#tdp soren#soren#the dragon prince#dragon prince#literally the creators and writers of this show are crazy#because I swear he jumps from being stupid to smart in an instant because it consistent in who he is#like he knows a lot about being a guard and dealing with hard emotions but when it comes to more technical things that he’s not interested#in he’s clueless#he could probably give hour long lectures about different work out techniques#and lead groups in emotional conversation#but the moment you ask him how taxes work he’s suddenly head empty brain smooth#and I love that for him
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The Puerto Rican flag showing up when Rio snaps at Miles for getting a B in Spanish is such a fun little example of the incredible attention to detail in this movie
#across the spiderverse#atsv#miles morales#rio morales#my post#i am going to be absolutely FERAL when this movie comes out#spiderverse#I relate to miles a lot here. like i can read/write/speak etc in spanish but i don't do any work which is why i have a D in class rn#also some of those old castillian texts are hard as fuck my god-
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