Underdark, Reprise
(Content Warnings: Grievous Injury, Compound Fracture, Predatory Instincts, Fantasy First Aid)
"You'll sink it if you try that," Astarion said, making a shooing motion, warning the huge bear further back from the comparatively delicate boat. "You are absolutely going to need to go back to being a little less massive and marginally less hairy."
The bear was pensively examining the boat and seemed to come to the same conclusion. He made a grumbling sort of huffing noise that sounded maybe slightly anxious?
Then he backed up so that he was back on the stone part of the dock. He sat down. He exhaled slowly. And then he turned back into Halsin.
The air was immediately filled with the smell of blood.
Halsin's skin was mottled with bruising and scratches to the point where it took Astarion a surreal moment to really recognize him. There was a hole in him, on the right side of his chest in the bridge where breast met stomach, punched through his leather armor. Whatever had made the hole had been pushed out, probably by the sudden manifestation of bear. So it bled immediately and freely.
Halsin moved, trying to reach for something on his belt. Then he made a guttural, pained noise because the hand he'd reached with was the dense apex of all the bruising on his right side. Purple black and lumpy in a way a hand should not be.
He reached instead with his left hand. He managed to open the pouch and fish out a bandage which he pressed immediately against the hole in his chest.
"Astarion," he said, and there was a patina of managed suffering coloring his voice. "I am going to need your help."
Oh Gods. He looked half dead. And he smelled amazing. And Astarion was going to have to get closer to him. And not...
And exercise a modicum of self-control. And help.
-
For the sake of this story we're ignoring the existence of the fast-travel points. Sorry Gale.
Full text below.
Full Text On AO3
-
The fundamental idea had been a good one. The Harpers at the Last Light Inn needed supplies and equipment. And as it happened, the inn was quite close to an elevator that led down to a recently evacuated duergar camp full of supplies and equipment. All the party needed to do was gather things into the lift, crank the lift to the surface, and make a quick jaunt through the Shadowlands.
The second step in that sequence turned out to be the weak point in the plan. It was at times like these they all felt the lack from not having a dwarf in the group. A dwarf might have noticed the creaking metal, or diagnosed why the crank that lowered and raised the elevator was becoming increasingly hard to turn.
The agonizing part was that they'd been almost done. Finished with crates and weapons, finished with braziers and torches. They hadn't even meant to do this last run, but Astarion had discovered that one of the executed drow had a Harper pin hidden in a pocket. Halsin had thought that they should bring the body to Jaheira. And Astarion had yet to his witness Tav refuse to do anything Halsin thought was a good idea.
Halsin was at the crank, as he was one of the people with enough height and therefore leverage to still turn it easily. Astarion was standing by the corpse, near the center of the lift, when things started to go terribly wrong.
The first sign of danger, their only real warning, was an unhealthy grinding sound that came from the lift's ceiling. Halsin looked up, concerned. Astarion threw himself at the still-visible gap between the cave ceiling and the bottom of the elevator entrance.
(Their survival instincts operated in different spheres entirely.)
The next six seconds were a chaos of collapsing rock and screaming metal. Astarion got a body long bruise forcing himself at speed through the not quite large enough gap. But he made it through, fell six meters, and landed staggering on the sculpted stone platform that had been their loading stage for the last four hours.
He heard more than saw what happened behind him. Cables and chains snapping, metal supports contorting, rubble falling in to fill suddenly empty spaces. The metal elevator falling heavily back down to its bottom most position, being reduced to scrap and buried.
When he turned around, what he saw met the narrative of what he heard. He also saw absolutely no sign of Halsin.
Shit. Tav was going to be so upset about this.
He stared at the wreckage, trying to stop shaking and start thinking about what to do now. Then the wreckage moved.
It was like an explosion, but with no blastpowder or fire. A bunch of the scrap metal that used to be an elevator was suddenly pushed out. Astarion jumped back to avoid being hit by bits of rock and girder. The huge bear that had displaced all that wreckage scrambled out from under it before the rest of the debris caught up with what was happening and collapsed further.
Astarion backed up more, down onto the stairs, because there wasn't room for an elf and a bear on the lift platform. He glared up Halsin.
"You have exactly one solution to every problem," he snapped.
The bear gazed impassively down at Astarion in his customary way. Well, maybe not as impassive as usual. He was panting a bit. Astarion wasn't good at reading bears.
"Move over," Astarion muttered, trying to shoulder his way back onto the platform. He didn't like how his voice was still shaky from the almost-being-buried-alive.
The bear let him by, making what space it could. Astarion stepped lightly and cautiously over to the wreckage of the elevator. He peered up at the shaft it was supposed to go up through.
The mechanics of the elevator had collapsed into a jagged metal monolith that choked the passage. And above that metal was a layer of collapsed rock. Not the sort of barrier Astarion was going to be able to lockpick his way through.
Astarion's ears twitched and he tilted his head because he thought for a moment he heard a voice. Yes he had. There it was again. Very faint. Someone yelling from above them.
Astarion looked around for something solid that he could climb and that he could be sure wouldn't collapse on him. The metal gates that girded the elevator entrance were intact and attached to the walls. He walked over, tested his weight on them, and then climbed up. He climbed as close as he could to the seam that he very recently and viscerally remembered struggling past. He got as close as he could to the stone ceiling of the elevator entrance, now choked with debris.
"Astarion!" Someone was yelling. "Halsin! Are you there? Can you hear me?"
It was Wyll. His voice was muffled, but from up here Astarion could make out the words.
"We're here!" he shouted back.
Wyll said something too soft to be decipherable. Then shouted: "Are you all right? Are either of you hurt?"
Astarion glanced down at the giant bear sitting on the elevator landing. It was watching Astarion.
"We are miraculously intact!" he shouted back.
Another unintelligible mutter. Then: "I'll be right back. I'm going to tell the others."
Astarion could hear very distantly the whooshing noise that the Flight spell made in action.
As he waited, Astarion worked his arm through the latticework of metal he was hanging off of. Clinging by hand made his fingers tired. He used to be able to do this much more easily. That was probably the only disadvantage to the mind flayer parasite--a few of his old vampire spawn abilities had been suppressed, including the one that used to let him climb walls like a spider.
Worth it, though. A thousand times worth it.
Astarion heard the distant gust of magic again. He pushed himself up to better hear Wyll's voice.
"You're to take the boat back from the duergar camp to the beach," Wyll communicated words that had almost certainly come from Tav. "Go up from there to the myconid colony. Stay there and we will come get you."
That made sense. That was a sensible plan. The mushroom creatures oversaw the only truly safe space they'd ever found in the Underdark. And getting there was re-treading ground they had already covered, so they weren't as likely to encounter as many terrifying monsters. He and Halsin should be able to manage it safely, even with only two of them.
"We'll be there," Astarion yelled back. "Don't dawdle."
"We won't," Wyll assured him.
And then he left. Because Flight only lasted so long.
Astarion exhaled slowly and hung for a moment, loose from his perch near the ceiling. He wasn't trapped. He'd almost been trapped, but he wasn't. And Tav wasn't going to let anyone get any sleep until they were all happily reunited among mushrooms.
She'd probably been rather upset by this. He could relate. He'd been extremely upset by this. He rather liked imagining her, yelling orders at a floating Wyll. Digging out maps to trace the fastest route from the Shadowlands to the Underdark. Hounding everyone to hurry back along the risen road so that she could find him.
And Halsin. Of course. She was probably worried about Halsin too.
Astarion looked down. The bear was still sitting there, staring up at him. The picture of a big dumb animal.
Only he wasn't actually a dumb animal. He was probably sitting there having deep, insightful thoughts about the situation.
Astarion sighed and climbed down. When he was back on solid ground he dusted himself off. He was filthy with rock powder. That was probably going to be the case for a while. How utterly tiresome.
"Well, come along then," he said to Halsin. "Let's steal a boat."
-
It was very easy to steal a boat when the owners were all dead.
Karlach has been the one to drive the boat the last time they made their way overwater while underground. Apparently the structure of these vessels, spike lined latticeworks of wood and bone, were very similar in construction to ships found in Avernus. Which made a sort of sense. Whatever shipwright planned this thing clearly cared just as much about looking intimidating as they cared about being able to float. Astarion could see devils having similar values.
And that hypothetical shipwright clearly cared not at all about preventing passengers from tumbling overboard. Guardrails were not a feature on these vessels.
Which did make it easy to hop on board. The deck swayed under Astarion's weight as he jumped on and climbed up to the controls. The quarterdeck. That was what it was called. Astarion was vaguely familiar with the terms you were supposed to use for parts of boats because cheap romances often happened on ships, and sometimes that was the only literature he could get his hands on. He played with the rudder and examined the lever that controlled the fan-like sails. It seemed straightforward enough.
Then the boat listed dramatically to one side. Deck tilting to a steep angle. Astarion didn't fall over, but someone with worse reflexes might have. And he didn't like being startled.
"What do you think you're doing?" he snapped at Halsin.
The giant bear moved back, taking its huge paw off of the boat's deck. He looked a little embarrassed. Maybe. Bears remained hard to read. At very least he should look embarrassed, trying something like that.
Astarion walked back down from the quarterdeck to the port side of the main deck. He made a shooing motion, warning the huge thing further back from the comparatively delicate boat. If Halsin wanted to remain a bear, Astarion generally didn't mind. It meant he didn't have to talk to the man. But in this particular instance it wasn't going to work.
"You'll sink it if you try that," Astarion said. "You are absolutely going to need to go back to being a little less massive and marginally less hairy."
The bear was pensively examining the boat and seemed to come to the same conclusion. He made a grumbling sort of huffing noise that sounded maybe slightly anxious?
Then he backed up so that he was back on the stone part of the dock. He sat down. He exhaled slowly. And then he turned back into Halsin.
The air was immediately filled with the smell of blood.
Halsin's skin was mottled with bruising and scratches to the point where it took Astarion a surreal moment to really recognize him. There was a hole in him, on the right side of his chest in the bridge where breast met stomach, punched through his leather armor. Whatever had made the hole had been pushed out, probably by the sudden manifestation of bear. So it bled immediately and freely.
Halsin moved, trying to reach for something on his belt. Then he made a guttural, pained noise because the hand he'd reached with was the dense apex of all the bruising on his right side. Purple black and lumpy in a way a hand should not be.
He reached instead with his left hand. He managed to open the pouch and fish out a bandage which he pressed immediately against the hole in his chest.
"Astarion," he said, and there was a patina of managed suffering coloring his voice. "I am going to need your help."
Oh Gods. He looked half dead. And he smelled amazing. And Astarion was going to have to get closer to him. And not...
And exercise a modicum of self-control. And help.
Astarion swallowed. And then he swallowed again, because there really was a lot of blood. And it smelled warm and fresh. Astarion closed his mouth and made a conscious decision not to inhale again until this was over.
He jumped lightly from the ship deck to the dock. He walked towards Halsin. Halfway there he realized he was stalking. He straightened up from crouching and finished closing the distance with a more normal posture.
Astarion knelt down in front of Halsin, who was sitting up but looked like he shouldn't be. The bandages he held against the wound were already turning red.
"Healing potions," Halsin said. "Right side pocket."
Astarion moved to open Halsin's pack, which looked only marginally less mangled than the man. He looked where instructed and found that those pockets were filled with shattered glass, wet with red liquid that smelled faintly of mushrooms.
So instead Astarion fished out his own healing potions. Tav insisted that everyone carry at least two. So they had two.
"Can you apply them directly to the wound?" Halsin asked him.
Interesting. Astarion didn't know terribly much about medicine, hadn't had access to it for most of his life, but it made a certain amount of sense that healing potions might be applied topically rather than imbibed. After all, they worked if you hurled them at people. And it made sense that Halsin would want to prioritize mending the wound that was definitely going to kill him, rather than letting the healing magic scatter diffusely over his myriad cuts and bruises.
Logistically the answer was obviously yes, Astarion could do that. So Astarion supposed he was being asked about his capacity for self-restraint. Probably Halsin had registered his own resemblance to wounded prey. Probably it was a novel experience.
Astarion spent some of his limited breath to ask: "Don't you have spells for this?"
"They need two hands," Halsin told him.
Of course. And his lump of a right hand wasn't doing anything intricate or magical right now.
Astarion nodded and asked shortly: "How?"
"First, help me lie down."
Halsin leaned back, and with Astarion's assistance it was a controlled descent rather than a collapse. The movement still clearly jostled things that were broken inside of him. He kept the bandage pressed hard against the wound, arm clenched with the effort of that.
"Armor needs to come off," Halsin said.
That was actually relatively easy. Halsin's leather armor was segmented in such a way that Astarion could unstrap and remove just the damaged chest part. It meant there was a moment where no pressure was being applied to the wound and Astarion turned his head away for that moment, turning back when Halsin had the bandage back in place. It did its job better now, flush with skin and without broken leather in the way.
"Pour the potion into the bandage," Halsin said. "Slowly. Give it time to absorb."
Astarion uncapped the healing potion. He tipped just a bit of it on to the bloodstained bandage.
It was fascinating to watch. The magic liquid soaked into the fabric, and then sank right out of it. As if Halsin's skin were a sponge that only absorbed that particular kind of fluid.
Astarion poured out a more generous spill of the potion, drenching the cloth. Halsin groaned, a noise of relief as the magic disappeared into him and started to perform its function.
Astarion kept at this interesting alchemy, pouring the potion bit by bit into precisely the place it was needed. Halsin breathed laboriously. He was trying to watch, but his eyes kept fluttering closed. Flirting with an unconscious state elves only ever experienced through the use of specific potions, or in situations like this.
When the bottle was two thirds empty Astarion started to have difficulty because Halsin had bled so much that the bandage was oversaturated with fluid that didn't mystically vanish. That instead sat there, red and distracting. Astarion glanced at Halsin's face to see if any other guidance was forthcoming. But the druid was truly unconscious at this point.
Astarion investigated the pouch that the first bandage had come from. He found another. Clean white thick cloth. It was like sleight-of-hand work to pull one bandage away and press down the clean one. Messy sleight-of-hand work. And now he was holding the old, utterly bloodsoaked bandage.
It was actually fairly easy to resist the intrusive impulse to put it in his mouth. Because that would look deranged. He set it aside.
Astarion finished pouring the rest of the healing potion into the wound through the medium of the fresh bandage. When that was done he went right on to the second healing potion. It seemed the only thing to do.
Astarion could pinpoint the exact moment Halsin stopped bleeding. There was a visceral difference between the smell of blood freely flowing from a body and the smell of blood already spilled and cooling. It was the same as the difference between standing directly in sunlight versus being out and about on a day that was bright, but overcast. It was a matter of intensity.
To make sure he was right, Astarion tentatively moved the bandage aside. And indeed, the skin underneath was whole. Not even scabbed. Just regrown healthy and intact in that miraculous way that happened when you used healing magic. It frankly looked a little weird. One point of health on an otherwise very damaged body.
Well then. It seemed that Astarion had successfully stopped someone from bleeding. How utterly perverse.
And he still had half of a healing potion left. He should probably do something with it. There remained a wealth of nonfatal wounds to deal with. But Halsin couldn't drink it right now. He was still unconscious.
That probably wouldn't be the most effective use of it, anyway. Now that Astarion thought about it, it seemed that the next most problematic injury was Halsin's right hand. That was preventing him from using magic. If that were fixed, the entire situation would suddenly become much more manageable.
Halsin's right arm was on the ground, spread slightly away from his body. His hand was swollen and unpleasant to look at. Fingers not quite at right shapes and angles.
Astarion prevaricated for a moment about whether he needed to do the slow process of soaking the healing potion into skin through the bandages. The problem was that there were no more clean bandages in Halsin's belt pouch. And using the soiled ones wouldn't be terribly efficient, or sanitary, or conducive to Astarion's peace of mind. And probably he didn't need to. Probably that had been a way of applying healing potion to an open wound. Probably he could just pour it directly onto the skin.
Astarion poured the rest of the healing potion out over Halsin's hand. The results were instantaneous, and good, but also awful. The thing about healing, even magical healing, is that it's not always a linear process. Sometimes wounds are complicated in a way that makes mending them painful. The hand changed and began to look much more like a hand should. And those changes were accompanied by the popping, grinding noises of bones being realigned.
Halsin screamed.
"Shit," Astarion said, flinching back. And he was about to go on to say 'Sorry', but he had run out of air for speaking. So he inhaled.
Astarion's nose and mouth filled with the copper-bright smell of the blood that was everywhere around him. And Halsin was screaming-weak and wide-eyed and he was looking at Astarion with such an expression and he was covered from neck to waist in soft skin that was meant to be torn open and there was nothing he would be able to do to stop it from happening.
Astarion stood up and turned around and walked until he hit a wall. The far wall of the dock, by the barrels of old, spoiled provisions that hadn't been good enough to take up in the lift. Astarion leaned against the wall and breathed air that smelled only very faintly of blood, and overwhelmingly of rotten fish, and he didn't do anything that Tav might never forgive him for.
Astarion had been standing there for perhaps a minute, smelling the fish and not doing things, when he heard Halsin say his name.
"Just a moment, darling," Astarion said. He needed another moment.
When he was ready, Astarion turned back to look at Halsin. Halsin was sitting up. That seemed like a good sign.
"How are we doing, then?" Astarion asked.
"Much improved, thank you," Halsin said, not sounding at all like someone who had just been screaming. "That was a good idea. A clever idea. If I had been awake I should have asked you to do it."
Astarion did not admit even to himself how much he liked being told that his ideas were clever.
"Can you cast?" Astarion asked.
"Unfortunately no," Halsin said, he was cradling his hand which did look better, but was still very swollen. "We will have to make our way without the benefit of magic."
"Make our way," Astarion muttered, and then lowered his standards from his last question and asked: "Can you walk?"
"I have to," Halsin said. "You are not the only individual in these caves who will take notice of blood."
Oh, that was a very good point. Halsin probably knew all about the taxonomy of scavengers that lived in the Underdark. It had been less of an issue when there were four ready adventurers standing around the site of bloodbaths. It was a very different situation when there were only two of them here, and only one who could fight. And Astarion felt acutely how much less dangerous he was without someone to flank with.
"Very well," he sighed. "Let's finish stealing the boat."
Astarion helped Halsin down the wooden dock. Gods, he was large and heavy. Astarion let Halsin sink back to the ground on the edge of the dock and grabbed one of the spikes that decorated the side of the boat. Astarion pulled until the wooden platform of the ship's deck was as close as could be to the dock. Halsin clambered aboard, one-handed and slow. The craft dipped slightly under his weight.
Astarion jumped aboard and climbed quickly up to the controls. He pulled the lever that fanned out the sail. He turned the rudder the wrong direction at first, but quickly corrected. They bumped against the dock a few times before turning out into the dark and open water.
Astarion glanced back at the dock and saw that a rat-like creature the size of a dog had already crept out of the shadows. It was lapping up blood off of the stone floor.
It would be deeply undignified to be jealous of that creature. So Astarion tried not to be.
***
This is part of a series. The rest of the story is on AO3.
***
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💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖
For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!
The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^
What's been added to the 3.5 version?
📺 Streamer Mode!
I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.
Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh
This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!
⚙️ Custom Pronouns!
It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;
Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!
💗 Choose how others perceive you!
You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.
For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!
📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!
You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3
Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!
I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;
I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao
📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!
You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!
Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!
I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;
It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)
🖤 Additional Scenes Update!
Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!
If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.
After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga
🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!
I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!
I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.
Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.
How to download and play the update?
(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!)
To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!
Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)
Enjoy!!
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Love your works! May I please get a "don't worry, i'm not going anywhere." with Ghost? Take your time, I love what you write!
400 Follower Celebration
—“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”— With Ghost
Summary: You’re apart of the 141 and Ghost recently had a near-death experience. You’ve been plagued with nightmares about the situation, but you try to hide it from him, feeling selfish about your night terrors. One night, you’re thoroughly convinced Ghost had actually died.
A/N: THANK YOUUU I KEEP BLUSHING ILY AND TYSM FOR 500 FOLLOWERS
[WARNINGS: vomit, detailed nightmares, panic attack, gore, fake-death, angst, hurt/comfort.]
It was always the same nightmare. It was a repeat of that one mission months ago—nearly a year ago by now, where you and your team went to grab some important intel about a new uprising cartel that was showing some dangerous potential. It was a large compound, four floors including the basement, wide rooms with many blind-spots. Using your rifle equipped with a heat signature sensor, you swept room to room, leading your team through the building, putting anyone down who dared fired a bullet at you or your team.
You turn that familiar corner and your heart sinks. You’ve tried many times to change the course of this dream, but no matter how frantically you try to scream about what is waiting on the other side of that door, your mouth refuses to work until Ghost rumbles out, “I’ll take point.” You try to fight every muscle in your body to stop this, but it’s like the dream freezes until you continue down the.. “right path”. Quite literally is a living fucking hell for you, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do to stop it except do what it wants you to do.
“Roger.” You mutter, backing up behind Ghost instead of staying in front of him and leading him the others. The others are always blank faced soldiers in this nightmare, but you know who is who. You pat his shoulder, aimming over him as you walk down the hall close together, hugging the wall. You’ve been through this so many times, you know to eye the floor and you watch the moment happen—Ghost steps on a pressure plate and—BOOM.
You’re always forced to watch it in slow motion; the wall being blown open right next to Ghost, watching the debris scatter everywhere, scraping yourself up as well as Ghost. He raises his arm to shield his face from whatever is happening, unable to process in time that a man wielding a sharp combat knife is pulling his arm back and comes down with it.
You watch the way the knife so easily slides into his rib cage, and it’s almost like you could hear it penetrating his lung like it did—but this time, the man rips the knife out and does it again and again and again—this has never happened before—Ghost’s falling to the ground, his blood splattering everywhere, fuck, it’s like the guy is trying to gut him—but you can’t move. You have to sit there and watch this man. plunge a knife in and out of Ghost’s chest until he finally decides to stab him deep and yank downwards, spilling his intestines and stomach—yet, his lifeless eyes keep eye contact the entire time.
Your eyes fly open, dizzy from your heart pounding and unable to focus, you throw the blanket off of you and you make your way out of whatever room you’re in—you’re too freaked out to know. Your chest aches and feels like there’s a hundred tons sitting on your rib cage, restricting your breathing. You keep walking until you bump into something and you manage to focus enough to notice it’s the bathroom door. Your hand shakily grabs the doorknob and opens it, and you already feel the vomit traveling up your throat.
You end up bent over the open toilet, body heaving with every exile of the contents of your stomach, which by this time of night is mostly just bile. Your head is spinning and your hands keep shaking and by this point, you really don’t care how clean this bathroom is. You lean your elbows on the toilet rim and hold your head in your hands, trying your best to stifle a sob, even though all you can smell and feel is his blood on your fingertips. Your tears drip down your cheeks and collect at your chin before dripping off.
You keep one arm on the toilet seat to keep your head propped up and the other goes around your stomach, which is twisting painfully inside of your gut, ripping another sob from you. You gag into the toilet, but you’ve already thrown everything you had inside. Your throat and nose burns from the stomach acid, but it doesn’t compare to the emotional pain of losing Ghost. You just stood there and watched him get gutted—why do you deserve to grieve when you could have prevented it in the first place? Someone killed the Ghost, and you let it fucking happen.
A large hand sprawls across the flat of your back which is accompanied by a low, gritty voice. Whoever it is says something, but you don’t quite hear them. It’s probably Price, trying to comfort you, trying to say there’s one thing you could’ve done to stop it, but you know there was something you could do, anything you could’ve done.
Price calls your name and you go to shove him away, but his hands wrap around your wrists, and the voice is more insistent. You choke on a sob and shake your head, struggling against him until you hear it—his voice. “Fuck, [Name], can you hear me?” Ghost’s voice. It’s his voice.
No. Your mind is playing tricks on you and you won’t fall for it, you won’t let yourself go through this horrendous grief for a second time. You try to curl up into a ball, wanting to grab at your hair or your clothes, just anything but be here. “Look at me.” His hands grab your face and force your face to look at him and..
It’s him. It’s Ghost.
All of your noises stop for a moment as you stare with wide eyes that are full of unfallen tears, eyes full of grief, all for him. Ghost stares back at you with uncharacteristically wide eyes, and you can see the way his hands are slightly trembling—he’s worried about you. Ghost’s eyebrows furrow when he sees your expression of anguish. “Hey—hey, what happened?” Ghost’s voice is so quiet, like he’s afraid you’ll break if he speaks any louder. Your hands come up to his mask and touch it and you burst into a harsh sob again, throwing your arms around him.
Usually, Ghost would hesitate. He would be reluctant to reciprocate such personal touch, such desperation, but he pulls you close into his arms without a second thought. Your hands grab his shirt and you breakdown into his chest, wetting the fabric with your tears. His heart slipped a beat because he’s never seen you like this—has never seen you break down this horribly.
He’d be here when you were ready to talk about it, but for now he’ll stay to hold you until your shoulders stop shaking. Ghost moves to sit on his bottom and you whimper in fear, like he’ll leave. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”
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