#come on people bring me a project
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I liked the amount of money I received from working at a school but thinking about going back gives me the hives and makes me want to vomit
#teachers def get underpaid but because I live with two cool roomies named mom and dad I did manage to save a lot#even if I spent a crap load on vacation.#with my current job I am not getting a lot of hours currently#come on people bring me a project#some of my kids were such jerks and I shiver when I think about them#I had this one kid I tried to pick up a cell phone from#I would have given it back to him at the end of class but because he said no I had to write him job#*up#then he comes to me and was like wait I didn’t know you were going to do that#well kid you missed your chance#all my pencils were destroyed that I had on tables#🙃#it seriously sucked
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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the hatzgang are drawn with disgustingly big heads and im tired of hiding it.
seriously the shapes are so clashing and dont fit together at all (not to mention, inaccurate?? super inaccurate)
robert looks like a thumb. his head is shaped like a thumg LOOK AT THIS SHIT.
HIS FACE IS AN OVAL YOU ASSHEADS!!!
#ranting#spooky month#robert spooky month#the hatzgang#HOW DO YOU GUYS FUCK UP THE MOST SIMPLE DESIGN#him in the newer episodes looks absolutely garbage. he hardly looks or sounds 16 years old#nor does roy. ROY LOOKS TWELVE??? and why is he so EDGY.#huuuu.. my life is so bad... thank you guys for comforting me...#HOE YOU LIVE THE GOOD LIFE#not to mention robert and rosses only personalities being washed away for roys quote.. character development.#robert and ross simply tend to roys petty meltdowns#and scold him for being rightfully angry that skid and pump are actively making his life worse#when robert and ross were supposed to keep roy from bullying them to save their skin???#theyre such suck-ups#why are they so adamant about treating skid and pump like saints as if they werent fucking traumatized by them#and obviously only try to get roy to stop picking on them because it brings them more trouble#but theyre written as brainless apologists that only stick up for roy when hes having one of his stupid moments#that we dont even get INSIGHT ON because the writers brains are mush#and they dont know how to actually write pelos own characters without making them one dimensional#because at this point spooky month is simply a goddamn cashgrab and not a passion project#because at this point the fandom is full of so many illiterate hooligans they beg for more plotless plot-hole filled content#to the point that it takes fucking YEARS for another episode to come out#just because people work their ass off on an episode that turns out disappointing in the end#and the cycle repeats#and on#and on again#and on again and again AND AGAIN#please just fucking end the series already#it'd save so many backs from breaking from the peer pressure the dumb 13 year old fans push on pelos team to make them push out an episode#because everyone in the spooky month fandom is a JERK
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😩
#random personal stuff#I come in to work and find the front desk full of printed online vendor listings of books#mostly p o l i t i c a l and mostly by one particular radical author#as well as a printed photo of a p o l i t i c a l figure from a news story#and the words 'what--me worry?' printed on another sheet of paper#which means that my coworker is about to do another of his captioning projects#he has a history of attaching that phrase to pictures of people he dislikes like it's the Height Of Wit#he'd better not put this one on the bulletin board#I thought we were done with this#I thought we addressed this#I don't know why this man is so obsessed with this subject and why it brings out such a mean-spirited side#but I wish he at least would confine it to his personal life and not bring it to work#...I am so tired of all this#as if work weren't stressful enough already
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It has been a lovely evening of building a complicated spreadsheet to help score a silly little game I set up for my co-workers. This is what being 35 is all about.
#I say this with honesty#you have to spend 40 hours a week with these people#try to have the best time you possibly can#you're all in it together#take turns bringing in treats and organising silly little games#work hard to be friends so that when the time comes for you to coalesce against the enemy (management)#you already have the connections and bonds to facilitate that#also I have genuinely had two of the best hyperfixation project nights in a long while#building the little display and entry form box for this silly little game on sunday night#and again tonight building this spreadsheet so I can put in everyone's guesses and it will just tell me who wins for the week#and I can't wait for next week when it goes from very easy (PMS485) to very hard#(a more complicated colour that isn't used on fully 50% of the things we produce)
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Welcome to the year 3000,
A lot's changed and they live underwater, but I hear your great, great, great granddaughters aren't doing fine 💔
A new science-fiction/horror/survival audio-drama about the things we leave behind and things we've yet to discover: Cauterized
Some MP3 players hold up surprisingly well after 2000 years!
More info to come soon! Produced currently by one very passionate mom
#audio drama#Spotify#audio fiction#cauterized#fictional podcast#Hi there I'm new here!#I've worked on this project for 6yrs and have a wonderful team of really cool people behind me#I'd really appreciate any advice and any reblogs#Don't worry though there's a LOT coming your way 💕#Horror#Science fiction#Oh and I'm looking for people trying to get their music out there. Right now the soundtrack is from friends but I've got big plans#You know It Makes A Sound? Well here's a completely different plot but a similar premise. Music and art brings us together#Feel free to send me any questions#I already have the first 3 songs<3#(and year 3000 is not one of them ;) )#I'm getting all the accounts set up right now#Happy social launch day! 💜
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Okay. Need to know after seeing your graph breakdown. Who told Bush and/or Obama about icemav???????? Please I need answers
i mean all they’d have to do is just look at them.
#not that hard to figure it out LMAO#But a serious answer is like ice is funneling $3k+ into mav’s bank account every month im sure that might’ve come up on a bg check#also other admirals who know & see it as their sworn duty to notify the govt of personnel liabilities#which like. fair.#icemav is kind of a liability.#my ‘fatal flaw’ is not that people wouldn’t find out it’s that people DONT BRING IT UP WITH ICE & MAKE HIM CONFRONT THE TRUTH lol#’uh you are paying this guy you are fucking to live with you? and he’s uh. your subordinate? hm.’#ice: oh yeah were good friends we invested in an airplane together :D its our big project :)#’yes all very legal yes.’#mr president sir jsyk one of your rear admirals is likely engaging in fraternization with the most dangerous pilot the navy has ever seen#dubya: I DONT CARE IF THIS MAN IS GAY SO LONG AS HE FIGHTS A GOOD WAR IN THE MIDDLE EAST FOR ME#Obama: ‘well let’s let ‘em get away with it. and lets not say anything about it to him. it’s good for the plot.’#asks#ive been saving ‘pancho and lefty’ for sliders songs but it’s like my no 2 tom kazansky song for this reason
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you know that episode really fucked me up this morning
#jo in the tardis*#i would talk about franco mari but i can't.#in many ways lila is the middle ground between franco and pasquale.#i would elaborate but it feels too personal and unsettling to me#lila is both the disillusioned revolutionary and a slave to her ideals and ancestry#i love elena and lila... every other character exists as a single political movement and they can never pick one to identify with entirely#BALKANGIRLCORE. SORRY.#also enzo is interesting in this regard because while he does nurture the same ideals and pasquale essentially#he will always pick a specific person over these convictions. and i think both of his parents dying earlier than most of the others#is an underlying reflection of that in some sense. like he has the ability to see beyond preconditions of heritage#which is why being arrested on the assumption based on generational and historical cycles is so tragic for him#this trait he has is exactly why lila is able to come close to fulfilling her childhood dream of changing things with him specifically#and that is also why she cares about him. because she cares about people who exist in contradiction to her understanding of reality#and people who will potentially help her bring that reality closer to the contradiction#lila is an idealist and she loves people who make an argument that she can be one and exist in this world#this is prompted by franco's death sorry. nobody offered that argument to him.#lila isn't disillusioned consistently not only because it's against her nature but also because she finds#reasons not to be. largely inspired by other people even if she reads them incorrectly (nino)#although i do think nino is more compelling if you view his boyish notions as somewhat honest#the desire not to be his father and all that. it makes him even more evil in the aftermath#i think lila sensed an ounce of that innocence in him and made an excuse for her own with it#she thought they were young in the same way. and of course that was her lifeline as a girl married at 17#this is so inconsistent sorry sorry sorry... not projecting at all#lila cerullo 🫀#l'amica geniale#ferranteposting
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Trying to come up with something to get me out of this recent pseudo-slump…
In the meantime, come ask me questions about the tagged fandoms :)
#hatchetfield#lords in black#(specifically lords in black)#team starkid#lob corp#l corp#lobotomy corporation#(specifically only the abnormalities)#doai#dreams of an insomniac#project eden’s garden#project: Eden’s garden#p:eg#in general also ask me things about writing and my AUs)#(direct questions about HD and OO to their side blogs)#also my hyperfixation on these DND streams I can’t stop bringing up to people who couldn’t care less has come back to bite me#again if anyone asks I guess I could try to answer questions about that…
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15 people, 15 questions
Tagged by @ultfreakme thank you!! 💕💕
1.) Are you named after anyone?
My first name is biblical and since my parents are Christian and my sibling also has a biblical name, I always presumed it was bc of that. My middle name though is actually a last name from my lineage
2.) When was the last time you cried?
Yesterday! It was day 2 of being home alone since my roommate left for the week and I was feeling particularly lonely since another friend wasn't able to hang out with me the last couple of days in addition to feeling isolated from family during the holiday season Plus being on my period --- yeahhh
3.) Do you have kids?
No. Nope. Nuh uh. Ask me again in 10 years
4.) What sports do you play/have played?
I did volleyball and basketball a lot in my youth, did soccer in elementary school
5.) Do you use sarcasm?
Sometimes. Mostly only with friends when we know we are being sarcastic and are playing it up? Otherwise, I'm just such a literal person I hardly use it elsewhere (even when my friends and I are joking/using sarcasm we often say "just kidding" afterwards)
6.) What’s the first thing you notice about people?
Honestly height and hair. I have such bad face blindness, and I've had it forever. But I'll remember if someone was taller/shorter than me and their hair color
7.) What’s your eye colour?
Grayish blue. They were described like ice before if that helps
8.) Scary movies or happy endings?
Depends on my mood. I like horror movies and there are just so many different kinds- I haven't found a movie that genuinely scares me in a long time though... The last one I remember was Nope. I walked out of the theater and was just watching all the clouds in the sky fkdlsajf
9.) Any talents?
Nothing is really coming to mind... I guess I'm crafty? And it shows itself in different ways. I enjoy the process of creating. Be it in writing or drawing or baking and decorating or following steps- I enjoy having a vision and creating it
10.) Where were you born?
Usa
11.) What are your hobbies?
I read books and fanfiction, I write fanfiction, watch anime and shows, cook, bake, play genshin impact. I've been playing wordle every day for almost a year now. I like tactical stuff with instructions- like legos or putting together furniture- I got this DIY book nook last week and spent like 8 hours putting it together. In school as part of the STEM program we learned how to draft both by hand and on the computer through CAD and Solidworks- those were fun. I miss that. Again it uses that same part of the brain as legos. I also like playing with cards. I have solitaire and pinocle on my phone. I was also learning how to play chess (like the strategy part)
12.) Do you have any pets?
My family home has the cat I got my 8th birthday (barn cat, brown tabby with four white socks on his paws). In the apartment though there is my roommate's black lab, half ragdoll half Siamese cat, and who knows how many fish that keep having babies
13.) How tall are you?
5'10'' (on a good day sshhh)
14.) Favourite subject in school?
MATH HELLO! (......... but also the drafting classes damn i miss those)
15.) Dream job?
Can there be such a thing as having extreme trivia knowledge on my fandoms? I'd like that alot but otherwise.... I'd like to work at one of those cat [Blank] things. Be it a café or a bar or a bookstore (that'd be awesome!!) I think that would be fun
Tagging @alienjack @szivtalan @glitt-erm @amnestyaubrey @farklelucas @brazilian-whalien52 @bloodyspade0000 @traditionalartist @illbebuyingallofthoseflowers and anyone else who sees this and wants to hop in ☺️
#ask game#tags#personal questions?#the talent and hobby one were hard#bc yeah i can do things! paint draw write sing! but i wouldnt necessarily say im Talented at them. i can pluck at a piano. dont give me a#song and expect me to play good/well in a week though.#the one thing i thought i could say i excel in was math and thats...#dont ask me to do simple math like add two numbers. i suck at quick math like that that relies on memory. bc yeah i know what 6×7 is! or#18+5! but it takes my brain a moment to find the answer or remember and process the way to solve something.#but i say i majored in math and people oooo and ahhhh and say you must be good at math!!#i hate math!!#and like- yes and i get it. sometimes i do to.#to want to major in math means you must have had some success and fallen in love with it. and yeah that success can come through innate ski#ll or trial or both.#i found that my love for math deepens when i struggle bc that makes the success that much sweeter.#i feel like there is a connection in this struggle and solving with the bringing about a vision from crafting...#maybe they just have a similar feeling of success. maybe thats all...#but its not i feel in my gut that its not.#writing a proof and beginning with a vision and seeing where the logic leads is very similar to starting a project- be it building something#or writing a novel or starting a painting. you follow the flow and see where it leads you. access if its met its goal or expectations.#and fix the mistakes and if necessary start all over with a new approach.#it is creation.#sorry for the ramblings
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celies whole 'i'm tired of being underestimated'/'i'm not really sick i just look that way' thing does get my goat because the former does not necessitate the latter. no reason she can't be sickly and still be underestimated. as a sickly guy myself it's always like ...wow... thank you for that
#like i think there is potentially something to be said for lumateran ideals regarding good health like their cultural norms don't really --#seem to allow for permanent disability (& i don't know that this is especially well-supported by the text bc it mostly comes from froi; but#i think the celie-lucian-finn povs do read like people who have trouble comprehending disability without fault) & i do think it's telling -#that within the narrative the only two characters with permanent disabilities (garg&raf) are 1. not lumateran and 2. disabled as a result o#being like. unjustly punished. like outside of that there's just satch. and we know what froi had to say abt him at first. & i think it's -#reasonable to assume he would've picked that up in sarnak. but there's no way a take like that didn't come up in three yrs and there's#no point where he's reflecting on anything perri or trev had to say to him on the matter (& they always have something to say) which i woul#argue suggests at the very least that even if they were mildly disapproving they let that shit slide!!#anyway all that to say i think this contextualises celie's belief that she has to be healthy to be able to do anything (we could bring zara#into this but i've gone on too long). eye think (bc im projecting) that celie has coeliac disease. it's plausible b4 i was diagnosed i#genuinely didn't realise i just thought every1 felt like that all the time so i think she could do it. + it's funny 2 me on a personal leve
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How are you doing today Kai?
I sure do be existin man 👋
#my siblings and I are playing sonic frontiers on sundays#it's actually the highest quality sonic game that's come out in a LONG time#it gives me fond feelings#asks#that aside dude honestly I'm an up and down mess#music is one of the few things that brings me real peace recently#you ever go like#'I am not inspired to create anything because I'm almost all on my own with it and I think I actually have been for a long time now'#because that is a thing. that is happening#don't really have any project buddies anymore#no one fighting for similar goals as me#people to throw ideas with#it's rough#like man how do I be inspired to write when I don't know anyone who's working on their own thing?#in art + writing I mean#y'know maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time
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@ the people saying kind words and offering me english alternatives for the czech in my last post
first of all, I know you mean well and I love you to bits and I'm giving you a little kissy, ok? But... guys I do know English phrases... hahhah
Listen,,,, I am chronically online and I do actually have a certificate from C2 exams that is just 5 points shy of being 100%. I Know it absolutely doesn't look that way but that's just because I'm the laziest guy around and I don't feel like fixing it after myself when I have the excuse of being a foreigner- sahdjsd
so when i use czech words it is not out of the necessity of not knowing any substitutes but just me goofing around and going haha funny word go brr
#man this is probably coming of as mean and super defensive but its not supposed to be 😭😭 (tones still hard in any language)#it is genuinly super nice of you to try to help out!! and you couldn't have known so 💞#but just throwing that out there....jasdhksdj#o(-( man#ykno like i said throwing in cz words is just me having fun with it#since its my scribble side blog and all that#because due to spending almost all my free time connected to english-centric internet my own language/culture took a bit of a backseat#like even in my day to day life which is very prevalent among lot of foreign people today#but i wont get into it now it doesn't rly matter#so me throwing in some funky words is me just having fun around and trying to bring some of it back while i doodle#but looking back at it it is prolly weird to do since ykno its Chinese so what is cz doing there and no one will understand it anyway#so ppl are probably left feeling confused or cheated out of something#so i should probably just stick with eng alternatives#oh well#idk why im even making this post this has completely derailed ashdk and again I'm not mad at beloveds who commented and left tags#it just made me think#and overthinking hahh bcuz im in the middle of stressful projects#plus tHE STUPIDASS UNI DOENST WANNA ACCEPT MY MONEY OK PLEASE TAKE IT I BEG OF U I WILL PAY EARLIER NEXT TIME (lying)#anyway thats all jhds uhh bye#wait im already having regrets about making this post in the first place man but i did spend valuable time typing it out so ughhh
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even though it was buried in the tags of my last text post, that text post was the first time ive ever admitted to any of my ocs having The Diagnosis which is also My Diagnosis which means ive just somewhat admitting to having The Diagnosis which is My Diagnosis and wow that was extremely nerve wracking but it also felt nice to get it out there. this is my coming out post i guess
#definitely gonna delete this later i just wanted to ramble for a minute#idk why but this specific diagnosis was the most difficult thing to come to terms with#being diagnosed with adhd and bpd that was nothing but THIS ONE? it ruined my life for at least a few months#which is so silly bc when other people have this diagnosis i think nothing of it#but when its Me it just brings out this horrible complex inside of my heart#so having an explanation for that kinda stung you know. but hey its there now#a lot of this journey has just been me trying 2 unlearn the harmful stereotypes abt myself as far as The Diagnosis is concerned#and learning to treat myself kindly in spite of my insecurities which at times feel like a direct byproduct of my diagnosis. its a lot#but yeah. Yeah. idek what im trying to say anymore#shoutout to my homies who felt like aliens their entire childhoods only to be diagnosed later in life we are so strong and whatever#kisses you on the forehead#also tbh it feels good to project it onto my ocs. it makes me feel better about myself#making brie autistic as shit makes me feel more normal because in my head im like well shes living her best life. why cant i#and all the straud kids too. theyre still living their best lives and theyre totally confident w themselves and they accept their diagnosis#and they accept its just a part of them you know!! nothing to be ashamed of. so why cant i#THIS IS SO LONG IM SORRY im very emotional right now. ik this is kinda weird but i really want to find the confidence#to talk about this without feeling embarrassed about myself. autism rocks !#this is literally the autism website idk why im nervous right now you are all literally autistic why am i so nervous LOL
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prefacing this by saying im fine and its whatever and im mostly numb to it. but it kinda fucking sucks that being gaslit about my own sexuality leads to… doubting my own sexuality lol!
#purrs#just went to my first ever lavender graduation ceremony and had a convo w my dad after that touched on the EXACT horrors lol like i need to#learn to not bring this shit up around my parents bc they’re just gonna say the same things. and also it doesn’t matter bc idc about labels#and (to quote ricky) it’s a conversation not a constant. but like fucking hell. just bc ive never ‘’’’’’been with anybody’’’’’’ doesn’t#mean that i can’t know im not straight. the HORRIFIC psychic damage that did to me 5 years ago this month. the way i can’t think about#sexuality or being part of the lgbtq community since and like before then when that happened i thought i was a lesbian and was gonna try to#get involved with the school lgbtq student union . like it’s so ficking stupid and sad. and i can’t trust myself anymore i can’t tell if#anything ive ever felt for anyone is actually real bc according to my (straight and biphobic) parents ‘crushes don’t count’ and i haven’t#even had a crush in months anyway and yeah ive never ‘been with’ anybody. but like god damn. you DO NOT get to tell me i have to call myself#questioning. yeah im questioning but only i can call it that and only if i want to. i get to know me. i get to call me what i am. which also#means i get to work through the years of psychic damage this thread of conversation coming from my own parents has done to me#but i own that. i want to own that. ive had the feelings i have had. maybe they were wrong and misplaced and maybe there are other ways to#interpret them like me jus t having projection issues and whatever. but they were real to me and are real to me and shape how i show up#every single day. i get to know myself. i get to call myself what i am. even though you’re my parents you don’t get to tell me that. and you#should be sorry for how fucked in the head this has made me and how cut off i have become from other people who have felt what i have felt#and from the parts of myself that felt and hurt and loved. like lolllll. i was in a good mood and then that happened and now my heart hurts.#delete later#like i don’t talk abt this shit anymore for a reason 🤪✌️ i am not involved in lgbtq groups or communities online or offline for a reason 🤪✌️#and it’s yet another manifestation of impostor syndrome too like. ppl wonder why im like this…. there is a very good reason 💖
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please think before promoting a post that - while having an understandable critique of people who remove themselves (through headcanons) from a media to a degree that they may as well make ocs - includes “race headcanons” in this criticism.
#are you fucking w me. you know what this (white. might i add) person's talking abt. don't you.#jestersvaguely#like obviously i have my own criticisms when it comes to m/m pairings especially where i feel like people would be better off just watching#like. romance anime because at this point they've just flattened the characters and completely removed the original world#but in my experience. usually race headcanons include expanding upon what's already established in-canon lol. like esp if it's someone /of/#that race there is usually so much more thought put into it and how it'll tie and bring out emphasis in other scenes#and i know - for myself. as someone who enjoys character studies. i like applying this to how it affects themselves/family/life#as well as their personal perceptions/importance of it. there is just... it opens up a lot of opportunities#yes. there is a point where projection does soften up or destroy the original character. but this isn't where it typically happens#rubs my face. i'm not articulate right now but this is not where critique should be directed#if it's thoughtlessly making characters poc and playing into racist biases then that's relevant but otherwise... what's the pointtt#it's not ridding the character of anything.
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