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jjslvt · 6 days ago

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HEART, BONES & SOUL ── .✦ angst, comfort, fluff .ᐟ.ᐟ

⤷ boyfriend!jj maybank x girlfriend!reader (:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅)

➤ wc: 2.8k // lyrics are from the song shelter by machineheart

(tw: reader has an abusive father, mentions of jj’s abusive father) // notes: i’m sorry, this is self indulgent due to the day i’ve had. needed to let it out somehow ig lol

strange was the only way to describe how the universe worked; bringing you together with jj maybank. a boy, whose own life mirrored yours — the same struggles shared and both of you putting up strong fronts in public, brushing off the pains you endure. ones caused by people who are supposed to always protect you, yet they harm you instead. how could they be so cruel? a question nobody ever has an answer for.

abusive fathers, the main horrible thing you and your boyfriend of eight months, jj, had specifically shared in common.

you had quickly learned about jj’s situation; especially when you started dating him and saw all the damn bruises and cuts he adorned sometimes. the occurrence of it was often so you knew it couldn’t just be stupid fights with kooks or something. he would smile in front of his friends, even you but your heart ached when he did. because it was him, someone you cared for so much & so fast and the fact that you understood more than he would know at the time.

jj had confided in you and slowly learned to open up to you; he leaned on you. he even had moments where he cried to you about it. gentle caring is what you did for him and it was so healing; he fell deeply for you. your love was something he never realized he wanted and needed. in return, he wanted to give you that same type of love.

yet back then, you hadn’t told him of your situation with the same problem but he suspected something. you understood him too well and gave him a comfort he never received before. something that not even his best friends could really do for him. he couldn’t help but wonder if you hid some stuff from him, especially the times your mood could be off or the way it could a hot day yet you chose to wear a hoodie or something, a very rare few times. when he pushed for an answers, you successfully avoided the topic.

avoidance, something he used to do before being able to open up to you. after a while, he recognized it. he realized you had a personality that was somewhat similar to his.

and the way that abuse had impacted how you two could act, perceive things, etc. trauma — the damage it had created because like jj, you shared the traits of being impulsive, being on edge sometimes and having irritability coupled with some aggression.

another thing he had noticed was the way your reputations seemed to be the same (full of judgement from others). he didn’t understand at all, why some people would look down on you. you were sweet and loyal to him and kind to his friends. they had welcomed you in and truly enjoyed you, being happy for jj. hell, you were even polite to strangers. you wouldn’t do anything unless someone did it to your loved ones. so it baffled him when he saw that some people had this bad view of you, as if you were… dangerous?

as time went on, it was harder for you to stifle it and hide — the pieces started coming together for jj and about two months ago, you had finally confirmed his rising suspicions.

you opened up to him, telling him that you also had an abusive father. but unlike jj’s father, he wasn’t as physical. he was more of the screaming type. harassing, controlling and narcissistic. any physical moves, those were quite rare moments which appalled jj still — making him wonder, ‘what fuckin’ father goes after his daughter? a girl…’ he thought that was even worse. his stomach churned and his blood boiled when he learned it all. instantly reacting, wanting to go find the man and knock him out but you wouldn’t let him, of course. you reassured and tried hard to calm jj that day; it wasn’t easy.

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today was a rough day for you; just everything seemed to be going wrong this week and your stress started to mount high. at this point, you had a slight headache and all it took was one trigger from your father to make you explode.

for once, he wasn’t screaming at you but he never particularly said nice things. even if he had rare calm moments, his words stung with a mild venom laced in.

it was very hard listening to your abuser tell you, “you need to move on and stop blaming others.”

he had said that when you were mildly venting about having issues this week; people causing trouble for you and you not feeling that well on top of it. you have been feeling exhausted recently.

that comment had you seeing red and you lost it, your voice becoming loud — that happened though. the cycle of damn abuse. you had these moments where you would be the one to start screaming. where you’d be the one to punch a hole in the wall. and god, did you hate it afterwards. you would have days where you wondered, if you’re just like him, your father.

“others are at fault! you know, he’s your friend and he acts like i did something to him personally!” you yelled to your father as he lazily sat on the couch, watching television — not saying a thing right now.

“some grown man double my age, that i never spoke to… accusing me of being abusive or some shit! then going around town, spreading that!!” you said and still, no word from your father. yet.

“people treat me like garbage! i feel like crap! i’m tired of being mistreated for no reason!!!” your volume almost reached a shrieking point, you couldn’t control it.

you wondered if his silence meant some guilt. if your words struck him — if for once, he would admit something. you never called your dad out on his abuse because if you were to accuse him of that, you would be done for and you knew that. you just vented about the others who did you wrong.

he would go in public and pretend to be the perfect father. everyone loved him, that was the worst part. he was a popular and respected man.

he did have his good moments with you too, which it made difficult sometimes. giving you conflicting feelings of shame and guilt. making you always forgive because despite it all, you did love him. but you wondered why couldn’t that be the father you needed, always. why couldn’t that man stick. that was another topic though.

you knew your father made up lies about you. he did it to your mother but she had left. being free of him while you were still stuck here. you weren’t dumb. even in the past, when you were a child — you learned early how the man would lie and shift it onto you. that you did something wrong when he actually did.

you knew he was the reason you had a shitty reputation in some parts. he would never admit he abuses you and in some ways… he believed his own lies. constantly saying how he was the best father but deep down buried, he had to of known the truth.

because some people thought that you were an abusive person.

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𝄞 ❝let my heart be your shelter. let these bones be the giver. let this soul be your whisper.❞ 𝄞

naturally, after losing your cool… your father had eventually fought back. it had escalated. the blame put all on you, as usual, like you caused the misfortunes of your life. the yelling matches happened until you finally closed the door and stayed in your room. you know you lost your cool more but the audacity of him telling you to move on from mistreatment.

as if he isn’t doing it to you. as if it still doesn’t go on in your shitty life. as if he didn’t ruin some of the chances you had in life. it was a ripple effect… you didn’t see that much of a future because people thought lowly of you and all the internal struggles you had for yourself, weighing you down. making you feel like you can’t try hard enough anymore.

your headache grew worse after pacing around in your room, trying to calm down before you put another small hole in the wall.

that headache was probably the only reason you slumped in bed instead, simmering down a smidge.

then you heard a notification from your phone.

> from jj ❤️: heyy sweet thanggg 😋 why haven’t ya texted me yet?? barely heard from ya this week babe 😔

> from jj ❤️: and come over. miss uuu, need my daily dose of y/n 😙

your eyes scanned the texts, feeling a slight warmth seep in after reading it. you almost cracked a smile but the headache and situation today made it hard.

> from y/n ❤️: hey jay. sorry, having a bad week is all. my head hurts too…

when jj got the text back, his brows furrowed and he knew something had happened. his senses kicking in when he noticed your lack of emojis and that reply. he got worried and turned into protective boyfriend mode.

> from jj ❤️: i’m coming to pick you up, ok?

your heart did skip a beat reading that, even after months of dating, his actions still surprised you.

you felt a bit guilty though.

> from y/n ❤️: but it wasn’t that bad. it’s ok, jj. really, i don’t wanna down the mood either!

> from jj ❤️: stop. you’re my girlfriend. you don’t “down the mood.” plus you’d do the same for me

> from jj ❤️: just wait for me. i’m picking you up, end of

and in a haste, jj grabbed his bike and stopped for nothing to come get to you. although you didn’t live extremely far which helped too. by the time he came, your father had fallen asleep and you went out, greeting your boyfriend.

he got off his bike fast; dressed in his dark button up shirt with a red cap on backwards — he looked worried upon seeing the tired look on your face. by now, that anger you had earlier had been sucked out due to you just feeling shitty & it had shown on your face. somehow, everything just felt like it ached and jj immediately pulled you into his arms; hating to see you suffer like this.

his arms wrapped tight around your waist, refusing to let up as if you’d fly away. a possessiveness grew in him when he felt your arms lightly embrace him back. you leaned into him, feeling comfort already.

“did he hurt you?” his tone was firm and lately, jj struggled more not to let himself intervene & land a punch to your father.

“no jj. actually… i started yelling this time. lost my stupid cool cause of something he said…” you sounded dejected and he knew you were being honest. so a part of his tension eased up but he didn’t like hearing you this way — didn’t wanna press on. he knew what it was like… he knew better than anyone else on how you probably felt right now. the complicated emotions whirling around you.

now his focus was getting you away from here for peace.

“we’ll go to the chateau, the others are out so we can have the place to ourselves a bit.”

jj drove you on his bike, heading off to the chateau. you clutched onto him tightly with closed eyes and leaned against his back during the whole ride. the wind was blowing through your hair and although it didn’t really help your headache, you just focused on the feeling of your boyfriend. he would turn his head back a few times just to see you for a second.

when you two arrived; you went to the porch, jj guiding you gently as he held your hand in his. fingers interlaced while keeping you close. the sun was still out as it was daytime and he paused, putting you in front of him. his ocean blue orbs staring into your soul… those eyes looked sad as they read you. he knew exactly what you were thinking.

“baby, you are nothin’ like him.” he made sure to keep his tone soft, forcing any frustration he felt for you to stay at bay.

you blinked, almost surprised then remembered that you two were the same, ‘of course he knows exactly what i’m thinking about…’

he stopped holding your hand & raised it, cupping one side of your cheek with a delicate touch. gently rubbing his thumb on your skin, trying to soothe your hurt.

“you won’t ever be like him. it’s okay to lose it. shit, you’ve seen me lose it more…”

his low tone full of softness was melting away at you though you couldn’t help but feel slight tears start to prick your eyes. he was so sweet to you. and after all the times you’ve been there for him, jj gave back — an equal give and take relationship. you were his reason to smile and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t make make you smile more. you taught him that being soft was fine… to be vulnerable and that letting it out is okay so he was going to do the same for you.

you didn’t know what to say and you just wanted to listen to him — he picked up on that. he was very aware of you, having paid careful attention the closer you two got. the stronger the bond became.

did you trauma bond? probably… but there was more to it. if anything, you two could be twin flames.

“you have me, beautiful. always will… i’m here and from now, jus’ text me right away. blow up my phone & i’ll come runnin’ to ya!”

he wasn’t always the best at words but right now, his every word gave you a sense of peace. it meant everything to you and you were grateful.

a tear slipped out, to which he quickly brushed away with his thumb as his hand still cupped your cheek.

his other hand grabbed one of yours and he placed your hand over his heart — holding it in place with his own.

“my heart beats for you, alright? and with every bone in this damn body, i’m gonna try to protect you.” it was like a vow because jj knew something had to be done. he was suffering and so were you… this same battle needs to end for the both of you.

“t-thank you…” you sniffled, more tears starting to come out because of how you felt for him and at everything else.

he let go of your hand over his heart and placed it on your other cheek — both hands cupping your face as he leaned in.

“hey, hey… shh darlin’ don’t cry…” he started kissing your tears, trying to will them away. he knew tears could make your headache get worse. you still looked drained and he hated it but he was glad you finally started smiling just a little bit. it slowly etched onto your face from his kisses — his lips moved on your upper cheeks, side to side… working on catching your every teardrop.

“and don’t thank me, i love you.” he whispered against your skin, making you flush a little. your tears simmering as you let out a quiet puff of a chuckle.

his words came from his soul. he was trying so hard and it felt like a tender whisper, making you forget your worries and relax.

“i love you too, jj.” you sincerely said which made him smile as he moved his face away a little but only to press a soft, tentative kiss to your lips next.

you melted, sighing softly against his mouth. it was one of those sweet kisses where he was just showing you how much he cared for you.

after you pull after, he speaks, “go inside and get some rest now, baby. i’ll be there soon.”

you nodded, taking off and feeling a lot of tension leave your body. your headache was still somewhat there and a nap was definitely needed.

jj’s face morphed back into concern and sadness after you went inside. he looked out into the distance, murmuring to himself.

“i gotta do somethin’ for us… soon.” he really did want to change it all for the both of you. especially you… he wanted you happy, healthy and safe.

even if it would be a challenge, he won’t back down.

at least you had jj maybank and he had you; there was some good in this world and meeting him was for a reason.

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