#college!mgg x y/n

[reidmarieprentiss]

Picture You

Summary: Spencer is a model. You are the photographer.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: fluff

Warnings/Includes: suggestive content (16+), briefs photoshoot, use of Y/N

Word count: 3.1k

a/n: can't get mgg model days out of my head ,, but i know that guy was sooo confident ,, needed awkward spence to shake things up

main masterlist

After discovering that Derek was scouted by a modeling agency and occasionally does photo shoots for fun, Spencer Reid becomes intrigued. While he doesn’t see himself as desperately attractive, he acknowledges that his features might be somewhat pleasing. With curiosity piqued, Spencer quickly finds an agency and books a few shoots of his own. All the money he earns from the shoots is carefully set aside to fund his ongoing education—because as Spencer knows all too well, continually going back to college can be quite expensive.

—

Spencer couldn’t help but feel a bit out of place, even as he started to get used to the whole modeling thing. He enjoyed the experience in some ways, but the part where he had to “act natural” while simultaneously posing in front of a room full of people, all staring at him and snapping pictures, still made him feel incredibly awkward. Today was no exception. As he stood in the dressing room, a team of stylists fussed over his hair, skin, and the various outfits he’d be wearing—or rather, barely wearing—during the shoot. 

He gave himself his now routine mental pep talk, trying to convince his nerves that he could do this, that it wasn’t as bad as his mind was making it out to be. But the second he finally stepped onto the set, his stomach twisted painfully. He was going to puke—he was sure of it. The reason? The most beautiful woman he had ever seen was standing behind the camera, ready to direct today’s shoot. Spencer couldn’t believe it. You have got to be kidding me. Someone is playing a joke on me, he thought, panic and disbelief swirling inside him. 

And of course, today’s shoot had to be for men’s loungewear—specifically the kind that consisted of the thinnest, most revealing, sometimes just straight-up skin-tight briefs. The kind that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. He swallowed hard, trying to maintain his composure, but all he could think was how utterly mortified he was to be standing there, about to model these barely-there garments in front of her. In front of you.

—

Spencer could feel the nervous sweat starting to form on his brow as he watched you approach, a friendly smile lighting up your face. His heart raced, and he suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to flee. Most of the photographers he’d worked with simply shouted directions from behind the camera, kept things impersonal, and told him when he could leave. But, of course, you had to be the exception.

You stopped just a few steps away from him, your presence somehow both soothing and utterly terrifying at the same time. Spencer could barely muster the courage to meet your eyes as you spoke, your voice warm and genuinely kind.

“Hi! I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you,” you said, extending a hand. “I’ll be the photographer for today’s shoot. I just wanted to check in and make sure there isn’t anything you’re uncomfortable with or not willing to do. I don’t want to push you.”

Spencer’s mind raced, trying to process the fact that you were not only acknowledging him but also concerned about his comfort. It was such a stark contrast to the usual experience that he was momentarily stunned into silence. He knew he should respond, say something, anything, but his thoughts were a jumbled mess. All he could think about was how close you were, how your eyes seemed to hold a genuine kindness that was making it hard for him to breathe.

Finally, he managed to find his voice, though it came out a bit shakier than he’d hoped. “Oh, um, hi. I’m Spencer. It’s, uh, nice to meet you too.” He mentally cringed at how awkward he sounded, but he pushed through. “I think, uh, everything’s fine. I mean, it’s a bit…different, but I’m okay with it. I guess I’m just, um, not used to this kind of thing.”

He wasn’t sure if he was making any sense, but the way you continued to smile at him, so patient and understanding, made him feel just a little bit more at ease. He could hardly believe someone so beautiful could also be so kind, especially in an industry that often felt cold and impersonal to him. Your presence was like a balm to his anxiety, even if he was still struggling to find his footing.

“You’re new to modeling? That’s great!” you said, your enthusiasm genuine and infectious. “Well, I won’t ask anything too crazy of you. Today should be pretty simple—cozy, casual stuff. But if at any point you’re uncomfortable or don’t like something, you let me know, okay? We can’t get this done if you’re not comfortable.”

Spencer nodded, still trying to wrap his mind around how reassuring you were being. “Okay, yeah, I will. Thank you,” he managed to say, his voice a little steadier this time.

Your eyes sparkled with encouragement, and it did wonders for his frayed nerves. “No problem at all, Spencer. We’re in this together, so communication is key.”

He was grateful for the way you made it seem like a partnership, not just a job he had to endure. The way you spoke to him, like he mattered in the process, was something he hadn’t expected. And as much as he was dreading the idea of standing there in those revealing briefs, the knowledge that you genuinely cared about his comfort made it seem a little less daunting. 

As the shoot began, Spencer emerged from the dressing area wearing a pair of thin joggers that clung just right to his long legs and a skin-tight long sleeve that left little to the imagination, highlighting every lean muscle in his torso. You couldn’t help but notice how good he looked—how the clothes seemed almost tailor-made for him, accentuating his tall frame and, god, his perky nipples in the cold air of the room. It was a bit surprising, to say the least, but you quickly reminded yourself that this was a job, and you were a professional.

You raised the camera, focusing on the task at hand. “Alright, Spencer, let’s start with something simple,” you called out, keeping your voice as steady and encouraging as possible. “Just stand naturally, hands in your pockets, and look off to the side like you’re thinking about something pleasant.”

Spencer followed your direction, slipping his hands into his pockets and glancing to the side, his expression somewhere between thoughtful and serene. Through the lens, you could see the quiet intensity in his gaze, the way his features softened just slightly as he settled into the pose. He looked incredible—much better than he likely gave himself credit for—but you kept your thoughts to yourself, focusing on capturing the best possible shots.

“Perfect,” you said, your voice warm but still professional. “Now, how about we try you leaning against the wall, just relax into it, like you’re at home and completely comfortable.”

Spencer moved to the wall, resting his back against it and crossing his arms over his chest. His initial nervousness was still visible in the way his shoulders tensed slightly, but as the shoot progressed, you could see him slowly easing into the process. He was a natural, even if he didn’t realize it yet.

You clicked away, adjusting angles, and occasionally guiding his poses with gentle suggestions. “Maybe uncross your arms, let one hand rest by your side and the other in your hair,” you said, watching as he complied, his movements a little more fluid now. “Yes, just like that.”

Despite the lingering nerves that you could still sense in him, Spencer was doing remarkably well. He listened attentively, taking your guidance without hesitation, and the way he responded made your job easier than you’d anticipated.

But even as you maintained your professional demeanor, there was no denying the fact that Spencer was far more captivating than you had expected. The camera loved him, and with each click of the shutter, you found yourself more and more impressed by how effortlessly he seemed to embody the role, despite his initial discomfort.

Still, you kept those thoughts to yourself, maintaining the focus and professionalism that the job demanded. You were here to do a job, and that meant putting aside any personal reactions, no matter how difficult it might be. And as the shoot continued, you guided him with the same steady hand, making sure he felt as comfortable as possible in front of the lens.

As the shoot progressed, the outfits became increasingly revealing, each change pushing Spencer a little further out of his comfort zone. He tried to keep his mind focused, reminding himself that this was just another job, another step toward his goals, but the final outfit—the briefs—loomed ahead like a daunting challenge. No top, no bottoms, just the thinnest, most form-fitting briefs. It was one thing to model clothes that covered him, but this? This was a whole new level of vulnerability.

Back in the dressing room, Spencer took a deep breath as he slipped into the briefs, trying to calm the rising tide of anxiety in his chest. The fabric clung to him, leaving nothing to the imagination, and he couldn’t help but feel exposed, almost naked. Just as he was about to take another steadying breath, he heard a knock on the door.

“Spencer?” your voice called from the other side, and he nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Yeah?” he squeaked, his voice embarrassingly high-pitched.

“I just wanted to let you know that I asked the crew to leave for this portion of the shoot,” you explained, your tone warm and considerate. “They got us all set up, but it will just be you and me. I know it can be weird to be so exposed in front of so many people.”

Spencer felt a rush of relief mixed with a new wave of nerves. “Oh, uh, thank you so much. That’s very thoughtful,” he managed to respond, trying to sound more composed than he felt.

“You got it! See you out there, stud,” you added with a playful lilt in your voice before stepping away.

Now Spencer was definitely panicking. Stud? Did you just call him stud? And the fact that it was going to be just the two of you in the room, with him standing there in nothing but his underwear? Great. Fantastic. Just what he needed to calm his nerves.

He took a moment to stare at himself in the mirror, trying to convince himself that he could do this, that it wasn’t as bad as his mind was making it out to be. But there was no turning back now. He had to do this, and he had to do it well. With one last deep breath, he stepped out of the dressing room, feeling the cool air against his bare skin, every nerve in his body tingling with a mix of anticipation and dread. The set was quiet now, the absence of the usual bustle making the space feel almost intimate, which only heightened his awareness of the situation.

And then there you were, waiting for him with that same patient, understanding smile. It should have been comforting, but all Spencer could think about was how exposed he was, how every tiny flaw was on display. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was about to completely embarrass himself in front of you.

But he had to push through, had to focus on the task at hand. He walked to the designated spot, feeling your eyes on him the entire time, and tried to channel every ounce of professionalism he had. This was just another shoot, he told himself. Just another shoot. Except this time, it was just you, him, and a whole lot of skin.

The shoot was going fine—Spencer kept telling himself that over and over again, trying to stay focused. But despite his best efforts, his mind was wandering, spiraling into a chaotic mess of nerves and self-consciousness. The directions you were giving him started to blur together, and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t seem to get it right. His thoughts were a million miles away, and it was showing in his awkward, stilted movements.

But instead of getting frustrated or upset, you handled it with such grace. You understood, far more than he expected anyone would. When his poses didn’t quite hit the mark, you didn’t bark orders or show any sign of impatience. Instead, you walked over to him, your steps slow and deliberate, and gently guided him into position. Your touch was light but firm, your hands on his arms, his shoulders, adjusting his posture, tilting his chin—each movement precise and careful.

Spencer’s mind went blank. Completely, utterly blank. All the mental pep talks and reassurances he had given himself earlier evaporated in an instant, leaving only the undeniable, physical reality of the moment. He was a man, after all—a man standing there in practically nothing, with a beautiful, kind, and very real woman touching him. His body reacted in a way that was completely beyond his control, and the realization hit him like a ton of bricks.

He felt the heat rush to his face as he noticed your eyes flicker downward, your own cheeks flushing a delicate shade of pink. You had noticed. Of course, you had noticed.

Spencer felt a wave of mortification crash over him, his heart pounding in his chest as he desperately searched for something to say. Anything to make this moment less excruciating. “I’m so sorry,” he blurted out, his voice thick with embarrassment. 

He couldn’t bring himself to meet your eyes, every fiber of his being screaming at him to disappear, to somehow melt into the floor and escape the mortifying situation. His body had betrayed him in the worst possible way, and now he was standing there, exposed in more ways than one, with no idea how to salvage what little dignity he had left.

Your eyes widened slightly in surprise, but you quickly composed yourself, trying to ease the tension in the room. “Um, no. no! It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” you said quickly, your voice filled with reassurance. You offered him a small, understanding smile, hoping to alleviate some of the embarrassment you could see written all over his face. “Happens all the time.”

Spencer looked at you, still flustered, but now with a hint of curiosity and disbelief in his eyes. “Really?” he asked, his voice hesitant, as if he wasn’t entirely sure whether to believe you or not.

You hesitated for the briefest of moments, your own cheeks still warm, before you let out a soft, nervous laugh. “Well… no,” you admitted, trying to inject a bit of humor into the situation. “But it’s okay!”

Spencer blinked, his mortification momentarily giving way to confusion. The way you were handling the situation—so casual, so accepting—was both surprising and strangely comforting. It didn’t completely erase the awkwardness he felt, but it helped, if only a little.

“I mean, it’s a natural reaction,” you continued, trying to keep your tone light. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Really.” You met his gaze, your eyes full of sincerity, hoping he could see that you weren’t just saying it to make him feel better—you genuinely meant it.

Spencer’s tension eased just a fraction, the knot in his stomach loosening ever so slightly. He still felt exposed, still felt like he wanted to crawl under a rock, but your understanding made it a little easier to breathe. “Thank you,” he muttered, his voice soft but grateful.

You nodded, giving him another reassuring smile as you tried to keep things as professional as possible. “We can take a break, we, uh, need you—um, soft.”

Spencer groaned in embarrassment, immediately covering his face with both hands. This couldn’t be happening. “That’s not going to happen while you’re here,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by his hands.

“What? I didn’t hear that,” you said, leaning in slightly, trying to catch his words.

Spencer lowered his hands just enough to repeat himself, his cheeks burning with humiliation. “That, um, isn’t going to happen if you’re here,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

You blinked in surprise as the realization hit you. “Oh… oh!” you said, your own cheeks flushing slightly as you finally understood what he meant.

“Yeah… I’m sorry, I’ll just leave. This is so unprofessional,” Spencer muttered, already starting to turn away, his mind racing with thoughts of how he’d ruined everything. How could he face you after this? He was certain this was the end of his brief modeling venture.

But before he could take another step, you called out to him, your voice soft but firm. “Spencer?”

“Yeah?” he responded, his voice laced with both embarrassment and uncertainty as he paused, half-expecting you to reprimand him.

“Is it because of me, or because I’m a woman?” you asked, your tone gentle but curious.

He hesitated, his heart pounding in his chest as he struggled to find the right words. “It’s… you,” he finally admitted, his voice small, the truth spilling out before he could stop it.

There was a brief moment of silence as you processed his words, and then, to his utter disbelief, you spoke up again. “In that case… do you want to get a coffee after this?”

Spencer’s eyes widened in shock, and he turned back to face you, his mouth opening and closing a few times as he tried to process what you’d just said. “You—wait, what?” he stammered, hardly believing his ears.

“I mean, if it’s me, then maybe we should get to know each other a little better,” you said, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips, though there was a hint of nervousness in your eyes. “I know this situation is… well, it’s awkward, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world.”

Spencer could hardly believe what he was hearing. Here he was, in the most embarrassing situation of his life, and instead of being horrified or offended, you were… asking him out? It was the last thing he had expected, but as the initial shock wore off, he felt a glimmer of hope break through the embarrassment.

“I… I’d like that,” he finally managed to say, a tentative smile forming on his face. “I’d really like that.”

You nodded, relieved that he hadn’t completely shut down after your offer. “Great. Let’s finish this shoot, and then we can go.”

From that day forward, Spencer made a quiet decision—he would only model for shoots where you were the photographer.

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tag list <333 @spencerreidsreads @sapph1re @idefktbh17 @dirtytissuebox @yokaimoon @reggieswriter @loumouse @mentallyunwellsposts @time-himself @chaneladdicted @kathrynlakestone @furrybouquettrash @hearts4spensco @gilwm @khxna @charismatic-writer @lilu842 @greatoperawombategg

[foodcourtdetective]

Sleeping with Other People AU: Chapter One: First Time

summary: Dr. Spencer Reid runs into his first time Y/N after a car chase gone bad. They decide not to complicate their friendship by not sleeping together, but it proves to be harder than they think as they slowly fall terribly in love with each other. 

tags: sleeping with other people au, first time, virgin!spencer reid, slow burn, college!spencer reid but only in chapter 1, friends to lovers, TENSION, sexual themes, commitment issues, brief mention of cannibalism but it’s praying mantises calm down armie hammer

A/N: I have 12 parts planned out so please don’t let this flop girlies and non-binary buddies

word count 1.8k

AO3 x

May 13, 1999. Spencer Reid would not attempt to remember a day as unremarkable as this one. Sure, Mozart's first opera premiered, and the Bezalel Art School opened on the other May 13ths of history. But this particular date was in the midst of his finals. He was trying to work through a particularly difficult physics calculation when suddenly—

"HEYYYYYYYY!!! SOBEVICH??? YOU HERE, BUD???" The banging on his door, paired with an intoxicated feminine screeching, was incessant. Reid scoffed, maintaining focus on the task at hand. If you divide x by—

"MATTTTTHEEWWWW??!! COME GET Y'ALL'S JUICE!!" In response, he slammed the pencil down. A little shouting and banging wouldn't typically break his concentration that quickly. However, certain variables (a lack of sleep, other commotion in the dorms prior, not to mention a certain someone not responding to his AOL messages for over 48 hours) had brought him to the edge faster than a cliff diver. Rolling up the sleeves of his sweater and pushing up his glasses on the bridge of his nose, Reid stormed up to his door and yanked it open.

"Heyyyyy wait a second... youuuuuu aren't Matty boyyyyy!" The nuisance in question wasn't his type at all. Her hair was too black and choppy, her eyes too dark with liner smudged everywhere, and her skirt was basically a napkin over her lap that highlighted her purple panties that were visible to anyone with eyes. Her painted lips twisted into a pout as she looked him up in down with interest. Before he could speak, RA Gideon turned the corner of the hallway and, spotting his target, picked up his pace.

"YOU! Young lady, you're not supposed to enter a dorm without getting signed in!" The girl snapped her gaze away from Reid to roll her eyes and drunkenly face the RA.

"I'm heeere! Can't someone else sign in for me?? I'm waiting for a friennnnd!" Gideon's face darkened with barely veiled annoyance, looking over to Reid.

"Is this girl bothering you? I can call campus police to escort her—"

"N-no! It's fine! She's here to see my roommate Matthew." Reid grabbed the clipboard out and scribbled down the details, looking frantically at the girl for her name.

"Y/N L/N aaaand NERDDD BOY are besties!!" She slurred in response. Gideon huffed as he scanned Reid's face carefully.

"Are you sure, Reid? She's your responsibility if anything happens." The student nodded once in reply, muttering thanks as he handed over the clipboard. Taking Y/N by the wrist, Reid pulled her into his room. He shut the door behind them with urgency but was careful not to slam it. Y/N scratched her bare knee lethargically, accidentally flashing him further.

"Alllrighty, here you look a little cold," he squeaked, awkwardly averting his eyes and turning his attention to his dresser to grab her a Cal Tech sweater his mom made him before she had to leave home. Y/N stumbled, leaning on the bed for stability as she took her heels off. As she did so, she took notice of the two beds pushed together.

"Does Matty even live here?? The beds are holding hands?" Reid managed a pitiful laugh as he tossed her the sweater. Pulling a face, she pulled it on. He gulped, noticing the hem barely skimmed her thighs. At least the purple is put away. Realizing he had caused a long pause in the terrible attempt at conversation, Reid quickly looked away from Y/N again.

"N-no, he lives with his boyfriend at Baker." Y/N's eyes widened, her lip trembling a little bit in shock as she hugged herself with the too-big sleeves.

"Dammmn, I shoulda known a brainiac like that was a bisexual. Didn't peg him for playing so hard to get otherwise."

"Did he try to flirt with you? Because he's basically married to Adam and not to mention the stereotype of bisexuals cheating-"

"is inaccurate and offensive blah blah blah I know, I am one... Nah, I was just hoping that being more forward would seal the deal! But I would never purposefully try to hook up with someone taken... and you're no longer listening to me," Y/N cut off her rambling as he had gravitated helplessly towards his brick of a computer with a glowing screen. He chewed on his lip thoughtlessly, only looking up when he felt Y/N's exasperated gaze on him.

"Sorry, I-I've been waiting for a message..." Y/N scuffled over beside him, her bare feet sticking slightly to the wood floor. Reid winced as she leaned across him to rest her hands beside the keyboard. He tried to move out of her way, but she ended up with her back pressed against him. Don't be embarrassing. Digits of Pi GO! 3.1415926—

"Oh, I know Jennifer! We went to East Allegheny. Fucking smoke show, but she has this praying mantis vibe," she said matter of factly. Reid's mouth gaped open and closed.

"A-what vibe?"

"You know... how they fuck! With the—"

"Female praying mantis engaging in cannibalistic mating behavior, biting off the head or legs of her mate and eating them. I've heard of it, but you should know that that behavior occurs in less than 30 percent of all mating sessions in the wild." As Reid rattled on, he slowly became aware of her piercing eyes on him and the warmth of her back. He sucked in a breath, cutting himself off from going further.

"Wow! Guess you weren't really studying! I'm sorry I interrupted your terrible Thursday evening," she quipped, gesturing to the now-abandoned physics equation. He hurried to close the notebook, tucking it away in his desk as he began to sweat.

"Oh, that! That wasn't studying! I was calculating to calm down." Reid somehow didn't expect the not-unfriendly laugh to erupt in front of him. She bent down to brace herself on her upper thighs as she guffawed, unintentionally pulling the sweater up from the back. Without thinking, he pulled it down for her dignity, but she grabbed his wrist tightly as he completed the action and locked eyes with him.

"What are you, a physicist?" She asked playfully. He gulped again as Y/N watched the movement of his prominent Adam's apple.

"N-not really. I'm working on my chemistry and mathematics masters right now, but I finished my physics MA last semester." She whistled in response, impressed.

"They LET you have that many?? Wait..." Her heated eye contact wavered, flicking up and down his body.

"There's no way! You're only like sixteen!"

"I'm EIGHT-teen! And yeah, I signed a waiver saying that MIT is not responsible for any poor grades or drops in my mental state," he winced as his voice cracked on his age.

"Guess what they say about MIT being smarted than BU kids is right! My med-track major could never be as flexible as yours, virgin," Y/N quipped, cheekily checking out the dark flush of crimson on his cheeks as he pulled away from her grip, facing the wall in frustration of two different types.

"WH-WHY! Why would you-"

"Spence, you're waiting by the computer for a direct message!" Reid sputtered in response, the nickname he had signed off as in her mouth sounded both so wrong and so right as he adjusted his stance to hide an unfortunate situation going on downstairs. Y/N rolled her eyes again as Reid suddenly realized that he loved the color of her eyes more than any color he had ever seen in his life, including Jennifer's. After a long, not uncomfortable, silence, Y/N made a step toward him, suddenly hesitant.

"Don't get your sweater all wrinkled! I'm a virgin too. That's why I came— you better fix that expression on your face, kid!" Reid realized that his shock had painted his face too clearly, flapping his hands frantically as he watched her face drop. The visible vulnerability struck a nerve within him; he didn't know if it was good or bad. As she turned back to the computer, he touched her shoulder in an attempt to get her to look at him.

"NO! No! Not in a bad way! Just individuals who are sexually confident in their self-image with a certain presentation tend to have already completed the act!" Y/N scoffed, rolling her shoulder to get away as if it burned her.

"PLEASE! Now who's engaging in the stereotypes, genius?"

"I'm sorry! You're just too beaut-attract-hot..." Reid kept cutting himself off in an attempt to quantify her looks properly. Y/N chuckled to herself, charmed as she finally looked to watch him fluster himself to try to rectify the insult.

"It's okay... You don't have to say anything. I mean, I couldn't even get Matthew fucking Sobevich to fuck me. As the guest TA, he managed to make four of my classmates pass out within the hour." She cast her eyes downward, fiddling with the loose string on the sweater near the sleeve. Reid swallowed, stepping closer to her. He bent his knees, basically in a squat, to try to get eye contact.

"You deserve better than Matt. I mean, look at you!" He gestured awkwardly at her whole body before framing her face with his fingertips. Y/N finally looked at him, the inner workings of her thoughts almost visible in her eyes as she straightened her gaze to bring him standing up. She cautiously brought her hand up to his chest, right over his heart.

"Well, if you want to date someone like JJ... you might want some experience... We could-- let's get it out of the way!" Y/N carefully explained her idea, her fingers walking up to brush against his Adam's apple. Reid shivered, pulling away to retreat toward his bed, almost involuntarily giving in to her plan.

"I-this was all supposed to be very romantic!! And-and now you've gone and just fucked it up!!" He squealed, watching as Y/N crossed her arms to take off his sweater from the bottom. She came over to sit on the bed, thoughtfully taking a second to let him gather himself before curling her index finger under his chin to get him to look at her.

"You are going to drive some girl crazy someday. With your long, Kurt Cobain hair and that infuriating mouth of yours," Y/N whispered sincerely, moving her finger to trace up his jaw and to hook under his glasses. Reid's breathing hitched, but he kept his gaze on her as she pulled his glasses off and gently put them on the nightstand.

"Say the word, and I'll stop. Say you don't want this, and we won't," Y/N continued, her other hand shaking on his knee as she inched closer to him. As she closed her eyes, Reid closed the gap between them, the hiss of heavy breathing from his nose the only noise in the room. She responded immediately, wrapping her fingers in his hair as they fell against the bed. Suddenly, May 13, 1999, wasn't so unremarkable after all.

[prettyboyreid]

can you read to me? (I)

part two

Even after a silly fight, the reader can’t seem to go to sleep without Matthew next to her.

College!Matthew Gray Gubler x Reader

Warnings: language, angst

Word Count: 2,884

It had been four hours.  Four, gruesome, long, tiring hours since you first opened the Statistics book to study for your final.  While you were almost sure you were going to pass, an anxious feeling still overwhelmed you  that you weren’t going to.  It made you feel sick.

You picked up your phone and checked the time.  1:54 AM.  You let out a soft groan, rubbing at your eyes with the heels of your hands before deciding to pack everything up for the night.  You closed all of your books, bookmarked your notes on Google Docs, and made sure all of your pens were closed before pushing yourself out of the uncomfortable chair New York University provided for each dorm.  You made your way to the bed covered in a heavy duvet and a weighted blanket before trying to let yourself fall asleep.  

You closed your eyes, you cuddled up to one of your pillows, and even tried counting backwards from one hundred.

Yet you were still wide awake. 

You checked the time again out of frustration as you felt your mind running a mile a minute, letting out a huff as the neon red letters of your alarm clock read 2:28.  You chewed on the inside of your cheek as a thought - a terrible one at that - ran through your mind, grabbing your phone and slipping on a pair of socks before scurrying out of the quiet dorm. 

The dorm halls seemed to stretch out much longer than you’d like, feeling like you were walking down a highway for hours.  You could’ve been convinced easily you walked the entire length of the campus. 

But eventually, you reached a room on the other end of the hall.  A banal door with nothing but the numbers 628 printed on them.  It seemed foreign to you, like you had lost all memory of the dorm since you last stepped into it two weeks ago.

“Jesus Christ, Matthew, I was studying with him!  Jack’s top of the class and I needed some help!” you whisper-shouted at him.  His roommate, thankfully, went home for the weekend, but you didn’t want to risk any of his neighbors waking up at the ungodly hour of three in the morning. 

“It is a big deal whenever he’s practically pulling you into his lap, Y/N,” he said, his hands running back through his messy curls.  You could tell he hadn’t showered or styled his hair that day from how messy it was, but you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t one of your favorite looks on him.

You huffed in annoyance and folded your arms across your chest, sitting on his bed as you listened to him voice his grievances.  “Do you not trust me enough to even study with a friend?  How many times do I have to remind you that I love you? Not him, not anyone else, only you,” you preached to him, but given your tone of voice, you could see on his face that he didn’t believe you.  He probably thought you saying it sounded more like a chore than a feeling. 

“Besides, you didn’t see me getting all pissed off when you hung out with Lydia at that party last week.  She was practically hanging off of you, and I never said a thing,” you reminded him, which just earned you an eye roll from the tall boy as he leaned against his desk, his palm pressed into the cheap wood.

“That was different.  She was drunk and I didn’t want her to fall over or have some guy she doesn’t know take her home,” he defended himself, watching his carotid pulse in his forehead as he tried to keep his voice down.  You scoffed at his excuses, raising your eyebrows slightly as if to ask if he had anything else to say.

“She literally ogles you every time you walk past her!  She told her friends that she couldn’t wait for you to break up with me so she could have her turn!”

“She was drunk and she’s been my friend since freshman year, Y/N!  People say things they don’t mean when they’re drunk,” he groaned, holding his hands behind his neck as he let out a heavy sigh.  You could practically see the gears turning in his head as he carefully picked out his next sentences word by word. 

“This isn’t about me, it’s about that jackass who keeps trying to hit on you when I’m not around,” he said, folding his arms across his chest as he paced in front of you.  You watched as his bones pressed against his skin out of anger, painting his knuckles white as they gripped onto his upper arms.  “How do you think I felt when my friends texted me to tell me you were out with him instead of you telling me?” he asked, his voice dropping from angry to hurt.  

“I only didn’t tell you because I knew you’d freak!  Just like you are right now!” you exclaimed, standing up from your place on the bed.  “And I don’t know how you felt, because I’m not you.  But I can tell you how I felt when your ‘best friend since freshman year’ was clinging off of you like her life depended on it, and you can tell me how close I am,” you remarked, standing in front of him as if to challenge him.  If it weren’t for your significant height difference, you probably wouldn’t feel so inferior at that moment. 

He let out a huff and sat back on the bed where you were moments before, letting his hands sink into the firm mattress behind him.  His expressions dropped to something unreadable.  “So tell me then.”

You let your eyebrows knit together, your arms still folded across your chest as you barely looked down at him.  “I felt like she was going to drag you off to some trashy room of the frat house and sleep with you, and you’d forget who I was for fifteen minutes.  I felt like you were more interested in her than me, and that I wasn’t enough for you right then,” you spoke honestly, not letting your emotions affect your facial expressions.  You couldn’t seem weak, not right now. 

You could tell he was holding back on a scoff or an eye roll, but you decided to let it go for now and just let him talk.  “You know I’d never sleep with her, Y/N,” he said firmly.  You couldn’t even hold back your own eye roll, picking your jacket up from the hook by his door, slightly annoyed that that was the part he had picked to remark on. 

“I’d never sleep with Jack, either,” you said, watching him quickly scramble up from his seat the second he realized I was about to leave. 

“Wait, wait, wait, Y/N-” he started, but the longer you watched and waited for him to finish whatever thought he had, the more you realized he didn’t have anything to say.  He just wanted you to stay. 

You wished that you could.

“Matthew, I can’t stay around with you if you can’t trust me the way I trust you,” you told him.  You made your way to the door, opening it before leaving and slamming it behind you.

For a split second, you saw his face.  His beautiful, pained face, tears pooling in his bright hazel eyes.

 And it broke your heart. 

You knocked softly in a pattern Matthew had taught you, Morse code for “EAP.”  He wanted to have a secret code for just the two of you so he knew whether or not to answer the door, so he settled on the abbreviation for one of his favorite authors in the world - Edgar Allan Poe. 

You could see the light from his room seeping beneath the crack at the bottom of the door, and you hoped it was him and not his roommate.  After a few minutes of silence, you knocked in the distinct pattern again, running a hand back through your slightly knotted hair as you waited patiently.  

You heard the soft pitter-patter of large socked feet of the hardwood flooring coming from the room, and then the unlocking of the heavy locks that were newly installed in the dorms last year.  You let out a soft sigh as the door opened for you, taking in the sight you’ve missed for two weeks - for fourteen days, three hundred thirty six hours. 

Matthew didn’t look great.  Far from it, if you were being honest with yourself.  You wanted to believe it was because of the stress of finals, but you knew that it probably wasn’t true.  His eyes that were normally accompanied by dark circles were worse than normal, the beautiful brown color you loved glazed over and dull.  His hair was messy and unkempt, and despite being over six feet tall, he seemed shrunken into himself, smaller than someone of his stature would be.  You highly doubted that he had gotten much sleep, knowing how hard and personal he usually took these matters.

“Are you okay?” was the first thing he asked.  He didn’t scold you for knocking on his door in the middle of the night. He didn’t spit at you and tell you to leave him alone or go fuck yourself and the smart kid one floor up.  He wanted to make sure you were alright.  

It gave you a warm feeling in your chest that you hadn’t felt since you slammed this same boring door in his face.

“I… I, uh, can’t sleep,” you mustered out, your words slightly slurred from the lack of sleep you’d gotten the past few days.  You wound the hem of your loose t-shirt around your fingers, waiting for some sort of response from him before he opened his door just a bit more to allow you in. 

“What do you need me to do?”  he asked, closing the door behind you once you were inside.  You couldn’t help but notice his roommate’s side was cleared out, so it was just the two of you in the cold, surprisingly clean room.  You let out a soft sigh of relief, grateful that he had packed up and left sometime before now.  Selfishly, you just wanted him all to yourself right now.

“Can you read to me?” you asked in a hushed voice, chewing on the inside of your cheek.  

Matthew had the best reading voice.  You assumed it was from all of his years in theater, but you wouldn’t be surprised if he had practiced elaborating on voices in his spare time.  Every time you spent the night in his room or he spent the night in yours, he would tell you a story to help you fall asleep.  Most of the time, he made the stories up on the fly, and they could be so ridiculous that you laughed too much to get any sleep.  But your favorite times were when he recited Edgar Allan Poe stories to you.  He tried to make them sound spooky and scary, but his voice was so soothing that it lulled you to sleep every single time. 

“I know it’s probably weird to ask that of you right now, and it might be really awkward too. I can just head back-”

He cut me off with a silent nod, getting into his bed and turning off the lamp before patting the space beside him.  

You were hesitant at first, despite it being the entire reason you came down here, before crawling in next to him.  His arms immediately went around you, his touch being as light as a feather since he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.  When you rested your head on his chest and held him tightly, he let his grip tighten around you in a more protective manner.

“What do you wanna hear, angel?” he asked softly, his voice faltering at the nickname like he had just swore in front of his parents.  

The last thing he wanted to do was make you uneasy, and despite you coming to his room in the middle of the night and cuddling up to him like you were about to lose him at sea, he didn’t want to do anything to make you leave. 

He couldn’t let himself make that mistake again. 

“Can you read me Annabel Lee?” you asked quietly, barely above a whisper.  He leaned his head back against the bed frame, letting out a soft sigh as he nodded.  You heard him take a quiet, deep breath before he slowly began. 

“It was many and many a year ago,

In a kingdom by the sea,

That a maiden there lived whom you may know

By the name of Annabel Lee;

And this maiden she lived with no other thought

Than to love and be loved by me…”

 His voice was slow and steady, dramatizing each word when necessary while keeping the same pace and tone.  His voice was melodic, and had almost put you to sleep as you listened.  You relished in the trace-like state his voice drew you to, your grip instinctively tightening around him to keep him close.

 “I was a child and she was a child,

In this kingdom by the sea,

But we loved with a love that was more than love—

I and my Annabel Lee—

With a love that the wingèd seraphs of Heaven

Coveted her and me.

 “And this was the reason that, long ago,

In this kingdom by the sea,

A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling

My beautiful Annabel Lee;

So that her highborn kinsmen came

And bore her away from me,

To shut her up in a sepulchre

In this kingdom by the sea.”

You looked up at him carefully, trying not to disturb him as best as possible so he didn’t lose his place.  Despite him having the story memorized by heart, he seemed to frequently get distracted too easily.  You noticed that he was focused on something in the corner, and you couldn’t quite tell what it was.  You let your head fall back to his chest, your hand resting just beneath the hem of his gray t-shirt as he continued.

 “The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,

Went envying her and me—

Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,

In this kingdom by the sea)

That the wind came out of the cloud by night,

Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

 “But our love it was stronger by far than the love

Of those who were older than we—

Of many far wiser than we—

And neither the angels in Heaven above

Nor the demons down under the sea

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;”

  Your gaze finally adjusted to the dark room as you found what he was looking at finally; it was a framed picture of the two of you, one you don’t think you’ve ever seen before.  You were kissing his cheek and he had his arms wrapped tightly around you, similar to how you were right now, wearing a smile brighter than any star you’ve ever seen.  Someone else had taken it, on the steps of the main NYU building.  It looked like your last day of junior year, before you spent the summer with him in Vegas.  

That was, without a doubt, one of the best times of your life.

 For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side

Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,

In her sepulchre there by the sea—

In her tomb by the sounding sea.

  You felt your heart shatter all over again as you heard his voice begin to break at the final stanza, feeling one single drop fall onto your hand that rested high on his chest.  

You both pretended that you didn’t notice it.  

You let your eyes flutter shut, replaying the sound of his voice in your head over and over again as it lulled you to sleep.  

As you felt yourself finally overcome with relaxation and drowsiness, you let your eyes squeeze shut tightly as he pulled the blankets over you, making sure you had just enough to be comfortable but not too many to be hot.  

You couldn’t help but relish in the feeling of your heart swelling in your chest at how much he cared to make you comfortable.  You felt his soft, plump lips press to your head moments before your well-deserved rest overcame you, hearing one last thing from the voice so soft and sweet that lulled you to sleep countless times before.

“I’m so sorry,” he choked out, sniffling as quietly as possible to do his best not to wake you.  You wanted to say something to him, but you could barely even keep your eyes open.  Just before you felt yourself slip into the abyss of slumber, you heard him whisper something - mostly for himself, but you knew exactly who it was meant for.

“Please don’t leave me.”

[amazingmaeve]

Spencer Reid fic Recs iii!

even MORE fics I read! also go give each and everyone one of these a like and a comment because they DESERVE the love and praise. also don’t forget to check out the authors since they take time out of their days to write these beautiful pieces of work!

an inconvenient affection ➵ @differentkettleoffishalltogether

summary ➵ When a couples’ therapist is suspected of murdering his own patients, Y/N and Spencer must go undercover as a feuding married couple to draw him out.

just my type ➵ @reidgraygubler

summary ➵ Reader sleeps with a man she met at the bar. The next day she finds out that man was her new professor, Spencer Reid...

teaching opportunity ➵ @reidgraygubler

summary ➵ Spencer teaches reader something to keep herself busy for when he’s out of town.

little bit clingy ➵ @reidgraygubler

summary ➵ reader is a little clingy after spencer comes home after a long and rough case

dream of some epiphany ➵ @writer-in-theory

summary ➵ after his wife maeve died, spencer was sure he'd never recover. at least he had the knowledge that she'd been an organ donor, that even in her final moments she'd given to others what she and spencer could never have—another chance. a year later, the team coaxes spencer back out of his grief. he finds his relief in a local artist who seems to capture his emotions perfectly in her art. little did he know that there was a reason his heart was drawn to hers.

pretty princess ➵ @gubler-me-up 

summary ➵ heyyy ok so so, i love LOVE being treated like a whore and such but can you do one where he treats us like "his princess"🙃

home ➵ @cloudybarnes

summary ➵ bau agent!reader and spencer have a long night of paperwork after a difficult case. spencer doesn't want his girlfriend to suffer through the repercussions of his mistakes, but she's not one to leave her loved ones behind

no holds barred ➵ @gubler-me-up

summary ➵ MGG (or Spencer Reid if this is too intense) x female reader (she’s relatively inexperienced but down for anything) with super degrading oral (male receiving), spitting, cockwarming (that the reader initiates to torture him a lil) and then sex after?? If you can’t I completely understand; I would love anything you do tbh. Tysm!

all that matters ➵ @reidsmilf

summary ➵ you and spencer have been dating and the team slowly starts to find out.

soulmates, myths, philosophers and invisible strings ➵ @leahblackk

summary ➵ Dr. Reid is a very loved professor in the college he teaches at, when he’s not working on the BAU. There’s also another person who is very loved in said college and that’s Miss Y/L also known as Spencer’s female version. The students thought they were soulmates so… why don’t tell pull the strings that were already attached?

be my date ➵ @shemarmooresfedora

summary ➵ One second, you’re ordering coffee, the next you’re pretending to be some handsome stranger’s girlfriend on the street.

hallo-ween ➵ @boldlyvoid

summary ➵ Reader has had a crush on him for the last 9 weeks of her semester, but on Halloween night she finally has the courage to walk up to him at the local bar and offer to go home with him

teenage dreams ➵ @reidslibrarybook

summary ➵ You were the right person, but he loved you at the wrong time. Before he let you go, he left a door open for the both of you to reopen what you had with each other, a chance to rekindle your love. The question is whether either of you would take it.

kick start my heart ➵ @boldlyvoid 

summary ➵ after his encounter with the LDSK, Spencer finds out someone in the office has a crush on him

being neighborly ➵ @boldlyvoid

summary ➵ reader is Spencers neighbour and she can hear him masturbating every night that he's home how do you have her deal with that?

Ferris wheel love ➵ @reidslibrarybook

summary ➵ Spencer’s first date with you at the county fair leads to something unexpected happening when you reach the top of the ferris wheel… something you didn’t think Spencer had the gall to engage in.

high stakes ➵ @gubler-me-up

summary ➵ reader works in the bau and she figures something out that helps catch the unsub. Spencer says ’good girl’ without really thinking about it bc he’s in such a hurry. He does notice that reader is bit flustered. After that reader can’t stop thinking about it and the ~tension~ at work is just ✨✨ Spencer keeps teasing reader at work because he notices she’s affected by it. She flirts back at him by saying ’yes sir’ and calling him doctor. They end up fucking at work

gods plan ➵ @gubler-me-up

summary ➵ Spencer and Reader are placed in an undercover case gone awry which forces the both of them to admit their feelings for the other after their near-death experiences. My take on Minimal Loss, 4x3, with reader replacing Emily.

ours ➵ @mggswhorificlover 

summary ➵ spencer breaks things off just before you tell him important news, only to run into you months later to find that you're in danger from an unsub.

Old Wives' Tales and Ice Cream Sandwiches ➵ @radiant-reid

summary ➵ Craving dessert in the middle of the night, Spencer wakes and the soon-to-be parents place a bet on whether they'll be having a boy or a girl

Sherlock Holmes Titles and The Name Game ➵ @radiant-reid 

summary ➵ A part two of Old Wives' Tales and Ice Cream Sandwiches where the Reid family expands

me or her ➵ @shemarmooresfedora 

summary ➵ Spencer tries to correct his wrong decision.

envy ➵ @kahootlobbymusic

summary ➵ When a new Agent joins the team, Reader can’t help but feel a little envious after she becomes friends with everyone quickly, inlcuding a certain doctor who seems to have a crush on her.

the boyfriend trap ii ➵ @ellesgreenaway

summary ➵ like the hit film starring lindsay lohan, penelope schemes to get you and spencer back together before you leave for good

his god-given solace ii ➵ @reidingmelodies

summary ➵ Derek and Penelope know you and Spencer are in love- the real battle is getting you to realize

saint valentine ➵ @imagining-in-the-margins

summary ➵ Valentine's Day smut like really romantic kissing, cuddling, i love Yous (reid on top please) maybe a nice bath and he holds the reader the whole time?

remember me ➵ @radiant-reid

summary ➵ Spencer remembers lots of things but he manages to forget the day of love. However, he has a great way of making it up to his girlfriend.

impress me ➵ @radiant-reid 

summary ➵ Spencer really can't cook, but he doesn't let it stop him from being the absolute best, most thoughtful boyfriend ever.

perfectionism ➵ @gubler-me-up

summary ➵ HELLOO, I’ve had an idea for literally months in my head but I wouldn’t be able to write it as good as you 🥺 Would you mind doing a Spencer reaction to his crush having bad body dysmorphia that they’ve been hiding from the team (they’re working for bau) but at a case or smn someone they’re interviewing comments negatively on their body and they break down once they think they’re alone? But Spence sees and reaches out and it’s really wholesome and soft? I’m a sucker for angsty fluff I’m sorry 😔

pastel ➵ @spookydrreid

summary ➵ Summertime in Washington dc is always my favorite time of year. Not only is the air warm, but it’s also when she comes to life. She as in my coworker (y/n). Realistically speaking, she came to life in every season, but it was clear she was the happiest when the sun shined longer, and the air was warmer.

options ➵ @spencerreidat3am

summary ➵ Who knew a one night stand with the handsome stranger by the bar would be so good?

naked ➵ @spencerreidat3am

summary ➵ Taking it slow ends in the early morning

don’t go ➵ @moon-light-jukebox

summary ➵ After being tortured by Tobias Hankel, Dr. Spencer Reid is struggling and everyone can see it. Reader can’t bear his pain and tries to comfort him...only to be heartbroken when he says their night meant nothing.  

types of kisses ➵ @samuel-de-champagne-problems

summary ➵ 5 Types of Kisses With Spencer Reid

parler sale ➵ @spencerreidat3am

summary ➵ Reader is really missing Spencer while he’s away on a case. Luckily, he’s only a phone call away

heads up ➵ @ofwilliamandwalter

summary ➵ When Hotch, Reid, and Y/N are held at gun point in an attempt to capture their unsub, Hotch has a secret plan to distract him. Only Y/N doesn't exactly get the message at first.

seventeen minutes ➵ @natashxromanovf

summary ➵ Spencer is working on a case, where he meets you. It’s supposed to be normal, another case, another victim. But there’s something different about you, something he never felt before. Let’s just say he’ll do anything to get you back when the unsub takes you.

breakup ➵ @radiant-reid

summary ➵ Spencer had always been a little oblivious. He struggled to pick up on the social cues of his colleagues, and he never quite understood their sarcasm. It was one of the things that drew Y/n most to him, his almost childlike nature

makeup ➵ @radiant-reid

summary ➵ He did think about calling her. Thrice. The first time was as soon as she'd left his apartment, he wanted to apologise and beg her to come back. But he was too stubborn, and he wouldn't admit JJ loved him.

secret life ➵ @radiant-reid

summary ➵ The team accidentally stumbles upon Spencer, a mystery woman, a mystery girl, and a decade-long secret

the private side of a secret life ➵ @radiant-reid

summary ➵ After the ladies of the BAU take Spencer's mystery wife out and learn some... new things about their colleague, the Reids get to work on making their fantasy a reality.

let’s make history together ➵ @writer-in-theory

summary ➵ jj gets a call from henry's teacher about him acting out and now he’s demanding to talk to his uncle spencer. turns out, henry won't be the only one learning how to get the girl.

ass guy, boob guy, you guy ii ➵ @reidslibrarybook

summary ➵ Spencer and the rest of the BAU men, minus hotch, spend the night in a very interesting place. Spencer, drunk out of his mind, made his way home to you feeling as clingy as ever.

delicate ➵ @eideticmemory

summary ➵ Newly released from prison, Spencer meets his pen pal for the first time. Live, in the flesh, and under his thumb.

pretty in purple ➵ @radiant-reid 

summary ➵ An interruption to some private time Spencer is trying to share with his girlfriend unintentionally winds up advancing their sex life.

delayed ➵ @reidsacademia

summary ➵ When your flight is cancelled and you have to stay the night at the airport, a familiar face turns up to keep you company.

alone at last ➵ @sweetyyhippyy

summary ➵ Spencer and his wife have a night without their kids for the first time in a while. Spencer comes fine to find his wife ready to take advantage of an empty house.

clandestine meetings ➵ @boldlyvoid

summary ➵ Doctor Spencer Reid, Unit Chief of the FBI's acclaimed Behavioural Analysis Team, married former actress Lila archer back in 2013 and his life basically went downhill from there. Until Y/N came along.

co worker bonding ➵ @sugars-fluffy-escapes 

summary ➵ Y/N L/N is diligent, hardworking, and very hell bent on proving their worth as the newest member of the BAU, however, they have serious doubts about opening up to the team due to a severe case of imposter syndrome, as well as fears of facing judgement for being neurodivergent. Spencer is determined to get to know them, and to assure them that they deserve their spot on the team.

heal me ➵ @pherelesytsia

summary ➵ You arrive stressed, exhausted and late from work and are surprised by a cooking Spencer.

[inkandpen22]

First Meeting

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader 

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: Y/N begins her 1st day as a member of the BAU and Spencer is immediately taken by her

A/N: I’m always adding new one shots for Reid so if you’d like to be tagged lmk!

Masterlist

Spencer

Garcia comes up beside me on my way to the meeting room, all excited and bouncy. "Did you hear we're getting a newbie today?" 

I stop in my tracks with a huff. "Wait, what? No! No one told me!" JJ walks by on her way to the briefing and I ask her. "Why doesn't anyone tell me anything?" 

"Hotch is bringing her up now," JJ grins over her shoulder. 

"Her?" I repeat, following her into the room. 

"Yeah, he's going to introduce her during the UnSub briefing," Morgan adds as he takes his usual set. 

"Did everyone know about this before me?" I sigh, plopping down in my chair. 

"Apparently," Morgan pokes fun. 

"Morning everyone," Hotch greets as he marches into the room. 

"Morning," everyone else greets as I set my stuff down. 

"Good-" My words disappear as I lift my attention away from my files toward the door and that's when I see her. 

"This is Agent Y/N Y/L/N," Hotch introduces. "She is of the most recent Quantico graduating class and will be joining our team." 

"Nice to meet you, Y/N," JJ offers Y/N her hand. 

The girl shakes her hand with a warm smile. "You too! Thank you guys for letting me sit in," she announces to the group. 

I swallow hard. She's so young, she's like me. 

"How old are you anyway?" Morgan questions, leaning back in his chair. 

"Twenty-two," she answers. I knew it. "I graduated undergrad early." 

"Aw like Spence," Prentiss gushes. 

I don't even react to Prentiss petting my hair. Usually, I would swat her hand away. All I can do is stare at Y/N. I've lost all function like a robot missing a piece. 

"Spencer?" JJ says my name with a hint of worry. It sounds like background noise, so faint. 

Morgan chuckles. "I think Reid's head just exploded." 

"Earth to Spencer," Prentiss waves her hand in front of my face. 

I snap out of my daze and swat her hand away. "Stop it," I mumble. 

A blush forms on my cheeks, I can feel it. I clear my throat nervously and try to act normal as I open up my file. Y/N takes the empty chair across the table from me. She offers me a smile. I feel this weird feeling in my stomach like I've had too much coffee and am all jittery. 

JJ redirects everyone's attention to the screen. "Okay guys, let's begin. We've been receiving a series of calls from several police stations in Atlanta. There's been a series of livestock killings ranging from pigs to more commonly lambs. Each stabbed and hearts removed. Then, symbols painting on her foreheads and stomachs." 

"Go back please," Y/N requests, surprising everyone. 

JJ's brows scrunch together. "Do you see something, Y/N?" 

"The locals think it's a cult?" She asks. 

JJ looks over her papers and nods. "Yes actually." 

"It's not," Y/N states with the utmost certainty. 

My brows scrunch together as I begin to analyze the image myself. I wasn't paying attention before. I hate to admit it, but I was distracted. She's right, this isn't the work of a cult. 

"How can you tell?" Hotch questions with narrowed eyes. 

"The pentagram is wrong," I answer. My eyes meet Y/N's and she smiles. 

"We're more likely dealing with teens or college students, outcasts, trying to scare the community," she adds. "Is that a college nearby?" 

JJ skims her research and pulls out a sheet. "Yes, two." 

"Does one of a greater population of local students?" I ask. 

"Um..." JJ reads. "Yes." 

"I think we should start there," Y/N concludes. 

Hotch nods, rising from his chair. "Okay, wheels up in an hour everyone. Prepare," he instructs before heading to the door. "Good work, Y/N." 

"Thank you, Sir," she grins, evidently proud of herself. 

"Now there's two of him," Morgan chuckles as he gathers his things. 

Y/N laughs. "What?" 

"He's referring to me," I assure her. "The way you noticed the unfinished pentagram and narrowed down the profile, usually, I do that." 

"Oh, sorry!" She's quick to apologize. 

"No, no!" I wave my hands in a panic. "It's nice having someone else around who notices details like that. Makes me feel less annoying and a know-it-all." 

______________________________________

Y/N

Hotchner, Reid, and I stand on the other side of the one-way mirror as our next interviewee gets settled in by the police. He's a student at the local university and fits the M.O. A complete outsider, impressionable, a history of emotional disorders and animal abuse, it's a perfect match. 

"Sir, do you think Spencer and I could go in?" I request. 

Hotchner raises a brow. "Do you think you're ready?" 

"Yes, and just in case that's why I ask to have Spencer with me." 

"Spencer, what do you think?" The leader questions, watching as the cops release Brian from his handcuffs and depart the room. 

Spencer glances past Hotchner over to me. He nods. "I think she's ready, Sir." 

I suppress a smile and redirect my attention to our potential UnSub. 

"Very well, go ahead," Hotchner approves. 

"Thank you, Sir," I say as I head toward the door. 

Spencer holds the door for me and we step out into the hall. 

Before we enter the interview room, I had my file over to Spencer. 

"Here, could you hold this for a second?" 

He takes the stack nervously. "What... What are you doing?" 

"I have an idea." I remove my scrunchie from my hair and toss it around a bit. Spencer watches as I slip my scrunchie onto my wrist and begin to unbotton the top to buttons of my blouse. I readjust my boobs a little and pull down my blouse. I take the waist of my skirt and pull it up a little. "How do I look?" I ask the boy when I'm done. 

"I... uh... I..." He stammers. 

"Perfect!" I smile, taking back my things. 

I enter the room first, Spencer following close behind. "Hi Brian, I'm Agent Y/L/N and this is Agent Dr. Reid," I introduce as we take our seats across the table. 

"You two look like you could go to my school," Brian laughs. "How old are you guys anyway?" 

 I smile and ignore his question and stick to the topic. "We're just going to ask you a few questions." 

Brian smirks. "Well, can I ask you something first?" 

"Of course," I assure him. 

"Can I have your number?" He asks boldly. 

"I um..." I'm at a loss for words. 

"I don't think that's very appropriate." Spencer defends with a stern tone. 

"What? Are you her boyfriend or something?" Brian mocks. 

"Uh no, but this isn't a personal conversation this is an investigation, so let's stick to only necessary questions," 

Brian complies and I continue my interview. He gets off track here and there, but Spencer steps in. I'm thankful that Spencer is quiet for the most part, only when to redirect Brian back to the purpose of our interview. I feel calmer with Spencer next to me. For some reason, his presence makes me feel safe even though we may have a serial animal abuser and cult member across the table from us. When I conclude our interview, Spencer and I rise from our chairs. I tell Brian that authorities will be in soon to take more of his information. 

"So how's about a date?" He asks again for a third time within the last thirty minutes. 

I ignore him as Spencer opens the door for me. 

"What? I'm not your type?" The kid chuckles. 

I stop and spin on my heels to face Brian. I press my palms against the table and lean closer to the boy, startling him. "Frankly no, you're not. I'm into older guys and... well..." I eye him up and down and giggle. "You're nothing but a kid." 

He swallows hard, shifting in his chair uncomfortably. I smirk and step outside into the hall. Spencer joins me and shuts the door behind us. He wears a bewildered expression. I begin to tie my hair up again and button up my shirt. 

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that," he voices as we head toward the door to the watch room.  

I shrug. "Eh it's okay, he's just a kid. Plus, I'm used to it." 

When we enter, Morgan and Hotchner are still observing Brian's behavior. Morgan steps closer to Hotchner, making room for Spencer and me. I catch a glimpse of Brian through the mirror and his head is in his hands. 

"Good work," Hotchner compliments us. 

"Interesting approaching," Morgan nods. "Seems to be working." 

"Thank you," I grin, bringing my arms crossed over my chest. "I figured it was worth a shot. 

A comfortable silence remains in the room as the four of us watch Brian slowly crumble. 

Spencer leans closer to me and I extend my neck out to him. "Is it true, what you said about being into older guys?" He questions quietly between us. 

I turn my head to look at him and his face is full of curiosity. "How old are you?" I ask. 

His brows scrunch together. "Twenty-seven." 

I smile, turning my attention back to Brian as he continues to fidget. "Yes, it's true." I back up to step outside and fetch a coffee. I suspect this will be a long night. 

Spencer

Right as Y/N steps out, Morgan sighs. "Aw Reid, you're in trouble man," he laughs. 

Hotch chuckles from beside him. 

I frown. "What do you mean?" 

"Seriously?" Morgan raises a brow as he turns his body to face me. "She just told you she's into you." 

"No, she didn't, she just asked me how old I am and told me-" I pause, reviewing our interaction just seconds prior and I begin to piece it all together. My eyes grow wide. "Holy crap, she's into me!" 

"You better jump on that, Big Guy!" Morgan pats me on the shoulder. 

Hotch wears a sly grin, pretending to be focused on Brian, but it's evident he's amused by us. 

__________________________________

Masterlist

Tags: @mrsobrien888​ @hufflepufftruffle @gillybear17 @thatsonezesty13 @smol-flowerkiddo @reesespieces10123 @madds-m @az3r0o @wafflebacon23 @spencerreid-mgg @alfonsais @justlivinginadaydream @kaitlynpcallmebeepme @farah3012 

@doveygirlkay-blog @dreatine  @imhappybutimalsosad @parahmur  @tremendousdinosaurhideout  @destiny-dream67  @ashwarren32  @yeahjustcallmer-n @bluehydrangea-cherry​ @izzysecrets

[littlepetalslibrary]

Fic List

❋ Favorites

Niall Horan x Harry Styles

Barbara’s - WC: 11,466 - Ao3 - Coffee Shop AU

What’s A Fella T’Do - WC: 35,618 - Ao3 - Fake Relationship AU

Maybe You’re My Snowflake - WC: 19,987 - Ao3 - College AU

You Were A Vision In The Morning - WC: 2,484 - Ao3 - Dr. Niall/Injured Harry

You’re The Missing Piece I Need - WC: 4,214 - Ao3 - Soulmate AU

Savin’ My Love For You - WC: 8,265 - Ao3 - Soulmate AU

❋ Friends Just Sleep In Another Bed - WC: 39,224 - Ao3 - Tour/Friends>Lovers

I have loved you since we were 18 - WC: ~26,500 - Tumblr - Friends>Lovers

Share A Little Of That Human Touch - WC: 4,001 - Ao3 - Tour/Friends>Lovers

Playing For The Wrong Team - WC: 10,616 - Ao3 - American AU

Niall’s Pregnant - WC: 2,262 - Ao3 - Bromance

❋ Emotional Knapsack - WC: 63,991 - Ao3 - Storan Tour/Hiatus

And Us Their Men - WC: 25,176 - Ao3 - College AU

Children Of All Ages - WC: 27,303 - Ao3 - Circus AU

Who You Lay Next To - WC: 5,860 - Ao3 - First Time

You’re Almost There - WC: 10,437 - Ao3 - Depression/AU

Always Wanna Blow Your Mind - WC: 18,316 - Ao3 - Weird Sex Powers

❋ Move Your World A Little Closer - WC: 45,806 - Ao3 - Alien Harry

Seven Year Chase - WC: 11,445 - Ao3 - Hogwarts AU

❋ Future Full of Yesterdays - WC: 44,279 - Ao3 - College AU

Call Me What You Will - WC: 9,452 - Ao3 - College AU

I’m Scared, So Scared - WC: 13,967 - Ao3 - College AU

This Thing Upon Me - WC: 5.085 - Ao3 - 1D Reunion/Niall Comes Out

You Just Took Me By Surprise - WC: 51,923 - Ao3 - Married at first sight

❋ The One With All The Football - WC: 125,152 - Ao3 - American College AU

See To My Soul - WC: 18,201 - Ao3 - College/Musical AU

Handwritten - WC: 31.095 - Ao3 - College AU

The Mad Ones - WC: 18,956 - Ao3 - OT5 Roadtrip

Let Me Photograph You In This Light - WC: 29,610 - Ao3 - College AU

So It Goes - WC: 11,193 - Ao3 - Fake Dating AU

Love Muffins - WC: 20,388 - Ao3 - Coffee Shop / College AU

Niall Horon x Niall Breslin 

One Of These Nights - Part 2 - Part 3 - WC: 27,307

Spencer Reid

The Years - WC: 7,932 - Smut/Age Difference/Co-Workers/Undercover

Dark Side - WC: 6k - Part Two - WC: 4.3k - Dom-Reid/Dr.Reader/Prison-Reid

Four In Hand - WC: 1.7k - Platonic/Mutual Oblivious Crushes

“I’m On Fire” series Masterlist - Fake Dating 

Kissing Lessons - WC: 3k - Just kissing 

Matthew Gray Gubler 

Let it Rain - WC: 1.7k - MGG makes you squirt 

Draco Malfoy

Pieces of a Prophecy - WC: 8.9k - Pureblood Slytherin Reader

Not Really Mine - WC: 2,602 - Fake Dating

Luke Patterson 

Beanhead Gets Busted - WC: 4k - Alex!Step-Sister/Alive!Luke

Best Friends - WC: 2,767 - You walk in on Luke 

Touch Starved - WC: 4,161 - You can touch Ghost!Luke

Reggie Peters

Hey Princess

- WC: 4,744 - Reader has a Crush on Reggie

Owen Joyner

Hero Complex

- WC: 7,084 - Little Shada visits set

Charlie Gillespie 

Rent-A-Bae - WC: 7,670 - Fake Dating/Thanksgiving

Rafe Cameron 

Clung - WC: 3k - You get scared going though haunted houses

“In My Business” Series Masterlist - Barely Friends to Lovers

“New Light” Series Masterlist - Old Friends Finally Get Together

Fuck I’m Lonely - Part Two - Rafe isn’t as bad as he seems 

JJ Maybank 

A Crack In The Glass - WC: 8k - Sarah wants you to meet John B/ You meet JJ

Dumbasses - WC: 2,394 - JJ and Y/N get handcuffed together

Well, This is Awkward - WC: 2k - JJ walks in on you changing 

Soul Deep - WC: 38.1k - JJ can’t hide you from his friends anymore

“Sweetheart and Honey” Series Masterlist - Bestfriend to something more

Stiles Stilinski 

Ski Trip - WC: 18,427 - Best friends>Lovers

Poker Night - WC: 9,320 - Best friends>Lovers

Mitch Rapp

Inked - WC: 16,682 - You get more than a Tattoo

[reidsconverse]

Hello!

As we approach summer I have some more free time to work on some of the WIPs I have.

I am going to list them below and if you could let me know which one you would to see the most I will know what to work on

disclaimer: works will include smut.

1. roommate (spencer x bau!reader)

spencer and y/n don't get along. but when they're stuck sharing an apartment during their time undercover, they begin to realise their hatred for each other... might just be something completely different. (enemies to lovers, fake dating au - short series)

2. s2 spencer fic based on sex - 1975 (spencer x reader

spencers always believed love was simple. if two people like each other they should be together. but when he falls for his best friends girlfriend, he begins to understand that love is far more complex than he could've imagined. (unrequited love/pining/cheating 3 part series)

3. rich kid (college!matthew x reader)

on paper matthew and y/n have nothing in common. they run in different circles and come from completely different worlds. but when their lives intertwine throughout their time at college, they find out they're more similar than they thought. OR matthew realises the one thing he wants is something money can't buy. (enemies to lover, richkid!mgg - long series)

send me an ask or reply to this and tell me which one stands out to you, or if you hate them all ahahahhaa

(i will still be uploading tpoh, i just need to do 2 things at once so i don't burn out)

ps i realise these ideas have probably been done before but these are tropes that i adore!! if there are any issues then please reach out to me!!!

[that-sarcastic-writer]

Once upon a time in NYU- MGG AU

Fandom: MGG, Criminal Minds

Pairing: College!Matthew X College!Reader

Summary: you couldn't stand Matthew, and he couldn't stand you. But you couldn't say the same when you were in his bed

Warnings: alternative universe, enemies to lovers relationship, cursing duh, hair pulling, fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, bad writing basically

WC: 6.1k 

A/N: so I saw I think it was @eideticmemory​ write an enemies to lovers college fic and like a light just went on in my head, and I really wanted to that because I've always wanted to, but also give it my own twist and touch of course, so I guess this my attempt at writing a multi-chapter Matthew fic. Will I succeed? Probably not. But it's a good excuse to write smut after a year so we'll see. ALSO HUGE TW I understand posting this now might be a bit of a bad timing. So if you think that reading this will trigger you in any way, just go ahead and skip this one. I dont want to trigger anyone in any way, I just want to entertain you guys and myself in the process so yeah, read at your own risk and please please stay safe. And this is going to be a bit long so strap in yall and enjoy the poorly written sin. 

Andddd huge huge thanks to my friend Kara (idk if shes reading this but yeah) for helping me edit this, she helped me make this so much better for you guys and she literally so amazing for actually spending the time to help me. So yeah, 

You know when something bad happens, you’re always told to see the bright side of things? That maybe that unfortunate event isn’t as bad as you feel it is? Yeah, well, that doesn’t always apply, and it certainly didn’t when I found out I was partnered with the one person I was hoping I wouldn’t get paired with for my end of the semester film project. 

Seriously, out of the nearly hundred students that were enrolled in my film class, I had to get paired up with him, him out of all people, literally the one person I was praying wouldn't get paired up with. Not only because I was forced to work with someone, because honestly all I wanted was to work alone, I had to get paired with Matthew fucking Gubler.

You know when people say God has his favourites? Yeah, well I certainly wasn't one of them.

Now, I didn’t necessarily hate Matthew Gubler. I didn't hate him for no reason, I didn't just wake up one day and decided I was just going to hate Matthew. There was a time where I actually liked him, I liked him more than I'd like to admit, deep down I still did. And I knew he liked me too, he did then at least. And we were good together, it was fun, we had a fun first couple of dates. To this day, they were the nicest dates I ever had, because he knew just how to make them special. I mean, when a guy takes you to the Neue Galerie here in New York and have nice long walk through Central Park, a walk filled with laughter and bliss, it has to be special, and in a weird way, he was special too. 

And as much as I wanted more than just two or three dates, I would've been perfectly fine if he had told me what he wanted from the start. If he had suddenly changed his mind about me, I would've accepted it, and I would've been able to live a happy life as his friend if that's what he wanted.

But he didn't, and instead I found out he had other interests. And I didn't hear it from him, I heard it from my friend. She didn't even need to tell me who it was, because the minute she told me where he took her, I knew. He took her to the same place he took me not even two weeks later and then acted like I was nothing the next time he saw me. And my god did that fucking hurt. It hurt me in a way I had never been hurt before, because I thought he was different, I was hoping he was. And convincing myself that I hated him was much easier than facing the fact that it hurt. And I never addressed it ever again, not that Matthew cared enough to actually talk about us, or, whatever we were. So instead we just made each other's existence miserable.

No, what I felt for Matthew wasn't hate, it was just the strong need to stay ten feet away from him so I wouldn't shove a five foot pole up his ass. That's how I felt about Matthew Gubler.

And now, here I was, aggressively shoving my laptop and notebook into my bag so I could leave the auditorium as quickly as possible, or at least quick enough to avoid Matthew, because knowing how he was, he would come straight to me to rub our partnership in my face. And I was right, because the minute we were dismissed, I spotted his lanky frame starting to come down from the top rows where he usually sat, and he was headed my way.

Screaming a big nope in my head, I strapped my bag over my shoulder and headed straight for the exit. I knew I couldn't avoid him forever, especially now but, I just needed a minute to mentally prepare myself to deal with him, a minute and probably a bottle of booze. But I didn't get either because the minute I was out those doors, I heard the unmistakable sound of his voice calling my name. 

Great.

"Y/N! Y/N wait!" I heard Matthew call out, followed my rushed footsteps coming from behind me.

"Hey, partner, I'm glad I caught you before you left. You weren't trying to run away from me were you?" He teased, throwing one of his particularly long arms over my shoulder.

If I had rolled my eyes any harder they probably would've gotten stuck there. I groaned, grabbing a hold of his arm and unwrapping it not so subtly before dropping it beside him, "first of all, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't touch me,  and second of all, just please go away, Matthew. I have a class I have to get to." I muttered, walking slightly faster and keeping my gaze forward, refusing to even look at him.

If there was something I've learned about Matthew in the two long years I've known him is that he usually goes away on his own if I don't give him the attention he wanted. I was hoping this was one of those times, because I was not in the mood to deal with him right now.

But alas, he didn't, he walked faster, staying beside me the whole time. "But I wasn't even doing anything. I was just saying hi." He defended, and I could just hear the smile on his face even when I wasn't even looking at him. 

I rolled my eyes harder, letting out a small breath through my lips, "what do you want Matthew?"

"When can we meet up? I already have an idea for our project and I think you're going to love it."

I chuckled sarcastically, finding his words actually hilarious, "If you came up with it I seriously doubt it." I sighed heavily, digging my teeth into my bottom lip before speaking, "tonight after I finish my shift, I guess. The quicker we can start, the quicker we can get it over with, soo..."

"Great. It's a date then, see you tonight, sweetheart." He hummed, ghosting his lips over my ear, his lips smacking loudly as he pretended to kiss it before he quickly took off in the other direction before I could even say anything.

This fucking guy.

~~~~~~~~~~

"I seriously do not understand how you fucking dated this guy, he's so obnoxious and annoying, how could anyone want to date someone like that." I complained to my friend and roommate Liz. I met her for a quick lunch break before my afternoon class and I just had to let her know how unhappy I was about my partnership with Matthew. She was amused to say the least.

"You make it sound like we dated for years, we dated for a few months, but he's not even that bad." she argued.

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest and leaned back into my seat with an unamused expression, just waiting for Liz to bury herself further up Matthew's ass. I always had the feeling she still had feelings for him, as much as she insisted it was just a meaningless relationship. And as much as they were just friends now, I just knew she wanted more with him. But it wasn't really my place to question that, not that it mattered to me anyway.

"He's a pretty cool and fun guy to be around, you just never gave him a chance. You've hated him ever since you met him for absolutely no reason, you never gave yourself the chance to get to know him better." Liz insisted, she always did. She always insisted Matthew was such a great guy I never gave the change to get to know. 

I had let out a heavy sigh in annoyance of her defense of Matthew before responding, "yeah well, it doesn't really matter since I'm being forced to anyway. And he's coming over tonight to start our project. Can't fucking wait."

I could've sworn I saw Liz's expression change into a mixture of surprise and something I could've easily confused with jealousy. She pursed her lips together and her eyes darted everywhere, like she was avoiding making any kind of eye contact with me.

But, it couldn't be jealousy? What even is there to be jealous of? Her and the whole world knew how I felt about Matthew, her out of all people knew it better than anyone.

"Oh, he is? Well, I'm not really going to be home tonight, I would've given you company so it wouldn't be so awkward with him." She frowned, she sounded disappointed, angry even. She looked uncomfortable, like she was deeply bothered by something, by something I said.

It was weird, I wasn't exactly sure what to say, I wasn't really sure why my news seemed to bother her as much as it did. It's not like I was going to sleep with Matthew while she was away or something. It didn't really matter though, I didn't have time to answer. Thank God.

"I'm sorry Liz but I have to go, I have class in like ten minutes." I excused myself, eating whatever was left on my plate in a matter of seconds before I stood up from my seat and gathered my belongings, "I'll see you later and wish me luck." I said quickly before taking off, not giving her the chance to respond.

~~~~~~~~~~

Usually, I pray for shifts to be over as soon as possible, for it to be slow so I can go home early. Today though, today I prayed for just the opposite. I was hoping the end of my shift wouldn't come, and when it did, that it would be too late and I would be able to cancel my meet up with Matthew.

But like I said, I wasn't one of God's favourites. And today out of all days, it was the slowest it has ever been and my shift ended rather quickly, quicker than I had hoped.

Groaning loudly at the evening that awaited me, I walked down the long halls of my floor, standing outside of my dorm room, dreading my evening already.

Figuring I should just get it over with, I went to get the key on the lock of my door, but noticed it was already unlocked. Liz probably forgot to lock the door, again. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at my stupid roommate before turning the knob, opening the door. And my jaw dropped the minute I stepped into the room, not believing what my eyes saw.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

"Matthew, what the fuck are you doing in my dorm and in my bed!? How did you even get in here?" I nearly screamed at the tall brunette that was carelessly laying on my bed with what I figured was one of my books in his hand.

Matthew turned his head towards me, a carefree and calm look plastered all over his face before his eyes went back to the pages in front of him., "oh, well, Liz let me in before she went to work. I hope you don't mind." He responded nonchalantly, continuing to flick through the pages of the book he had in his hand.

I stared at him with absolute disbelief and a loud scoff left my lips as I slightly pitched the bridge of my nose, trying not to throw the nearest object at his face, "yes, I do mind, in fact. You can't just come into somebody's dorm, lie on their bed and go through their stuff. Seriously dude, what is wrong with you?"

I just couldn't believe this guy. He just knew how to get on my nerves without even doing anything. 

Matthew, of course, couldn't have cared any less about whatever I was saying. And it wasn't that he wasn't listening, because he was, he had that stupid smile on his face that proved he was in fact listening to every word I was saying. He just didn't care, or he did, but he just liked getting on my nerves. He loved pushing every single one of my buttons until I snapped. And I had no idea why. I had no idea why he liked annoying me so much.

I exhaled heavily through my nose, closing my eyes slightly as I ran a hand through my hair exasperatedly, "I just can't fucking deal with you. I can't." I huffed, dropping my bag from my shoulder and walked to the opposite side of my room, facing away from him, not even wanting to look at his face.

"Tell me something, sweetheart," Matthew spoke, curiosity and a slight bit of amusement lingering on his words.

"What."

"Why do you hate me so much? You've hated me ever since I dated Liz back in our first year of college and I never truly understood why," he questioned with genuine curiosity, but there was also a certain playfulness in his voice. I opened my mouth to answer, still not facing him, and I was so ready to tell him off, god knows I've been wanting to but he cut me off. "Is it because I never slept with you?"

My eyes instantly widened at his words, a clearly offended scoff leaving my lips as I turned around to face him, "what? No, of course not, I—" my words got caught in my throat when I saw his tall frame towering over me, my eyes getting stuck on his chest before they traveled up to his face, and he was close. Extremely close. I swallowed thickly, feeling slightly cornered by his significantly taller frame so I stepped back, trying to create some kind of distance between us, but he simply followed me. "I, uhm, that's not why I don't like you, Matthew. I don't like you because you're an insensitive asshole and—"

"Oh, I know why you hate me," he cut me off again, slowly running his tongue to wet his perfectly pink lips. "You hate me because I dated Liz and not you."

His proclamation made my eyes grow even wider and my mouth hung open as I stammered for words. I wanted to disagree, I truly wanted to tell him that he was wrong. But honestly, he wasn't altogether wrong. I couldn't say some of my resentment didn't come from a deep rooted feeling of rejection. Because while most of that resentment came from that place of genuine hurt, my resentment was fueled by frustration and a shameless sense of envy.

But it was just easier to convince myself that I hated him than to admit that I still liked him and that it hurt me that he chose my friend over me.

But of course, I would never admit to that, especially not to him.

Avoiding eye contact, I looked down and shook my head, running my tongue to wet my suddenly dry lips, "of-of course not. Why—why would I care about your dating life? You can fuck whoever you want, I don't care." I wish I sounded more confident when I said that. But my stuttering words and my unsteady legs gave him exactly what he wanted.

And the bastard actually chuckled. He fucking chuckled.

"But you do, you do care. You care because you haven't stopped thinking about us and me since our first year." He grinned, digging his teeth into his perfect lips as he brought a hand to cup my face, lifting it so I had no other choice but to look at him.

And I was fucking gone.

It was like, all of that anger, frustration and hatred just vanished and instead turned into longing want. Want for him to just take me and do whatever he pleases with me. I was practically nothing in his hands, and I was nothing waiting for him to make me something. Waiting for him to make me his.

And that absolutely delighted the bastard. He found amusement in having the power I never allowed him to have. But right now, I just couldn't fight it.

I always knew that if I ever found myself alone and in this situation with Matthew Gubler, I would lose, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise.

And he knew that too.

"That's it, isn't? You want me to fuck you like I fucked your friend." He smirked, almost like he was proud to say it. And he stared, his usually soft amber eyes now brown and darkened with want.

Who the fuck was this guy and where did Matthew go? Matthew Gubler was the most awkward and disgraceful guy when it came to women. The poor guy couldn't even flirt his way out of a wet paper bag. And yet, somehow, here he was, with this new found confidence and the ability to turn me into a shaking and stuttering mess. Who fucking knew.

Once again, I stammered for words, I truly wanted to tell him otherwise. I wanted to scream in his face and push him away, but I couldn't. Not that I wanted to.

He took my lack of response as the answer he was looking for and brought his other hand to my waist, backing me up against the nearest wall, caging me between the hard surface behind me and his body, which right now, seemed so much bigger than mine.

My breathing instantly skyrocketed as I felt the same hand that was on my waist sneak its way past the ends of my dress and up my bare thighs, ones that shook like an earthquake as the pads of his fingers slowly rubbed the tense skin. Like he was testing the waters. Testing how well my body reacted to his touch.

And it wasn't subtle. At all.

"W-what—what are you doing?" I almost squealed, my voice practically betraying me.

"Oh? Well, I'm just giving you what you wanted. I'm giving you what you've been wanting for years." He stated so casually, like he had no idea what he was doing to me. And just as casually, he slowly ran a finger over the thin cotton fabric of my underwear, touching me, but definitely not in the way I needed to be touched.

I wished my body didn't betray me like it did though. I couldn't even hold back the breathy moan that escaped my lips when his fingers made contact with the thin material. But Matthew certainly loved the response I gave him.

"Because this is what you've been wanting, isn't it? You've been thinking about how my fingers would feel buried inside your little cunt. Or how good you would feel around my cock." He taunted, it was almost cynical just how easily those filthy words rolled off his usually reserved tongue. "I'm not gonna lie, I've thought about it too, you have no idea how many times I've thought about having your filthy mouth wrapped around me. Or how pretty you would look begging me for more." 

I opened my mouth to speak but my words instantly got caught in my throat when the sneaky bastard pulled the fabric to the side and dipped his fingers into the soaking mess that was my core.

And if there were any rational thoughts still hanging in my head, all of those just went straight out the window when another moan erupted from my throat and my head fell back into the wall behind me.

"See just how much easier things are when you just shut the fuck up and stop fighting so much?" He almost whispered, his lips ghosting over the skin on my neck as a lithe finger gathered my wetness and spread it over my clit.

Despite being a complete whimpering mess at that point, I managed to spit out a surprisingly harsh, "fuck you." 

It was a pretty convincing retort. One that didn't exactly have the effect I hoped for though.

I could feel him smirk into my neck as his lips left wet and sloppy kisses into the skin before he pulled back, just so he could see the look of utter want and frustration on my face.

"Hm, sorry sweetheart, I can't do that. I'm too busy trying to fuck you instead."

I swear to god, he was the biggest asshole I have ever met in my entire fucking life. But he was an asshole who immediately slipped two of his sinfully long fingers into my dripping core. I instantly choked on my own breath as he began working his fingers around the muscles, stroking the digits inside me at an agonizingly slow pace.

"Because that's what you want don't you sweetheart? You want to me to fuck you into that mattress until you can't keep your eyes open?" He continued, his filthy words making me pant like I ran for fucking miles. "I do too, trust me I do. And I will, I promise. But I want to make up for all of the lost time. Don't you?"

I wasn't even paying attention to whatever filthy proclamations were coming out of Matthew's mouth, with my eyes nearly closed, my mouth slightly open and my mind only focusing on his fingers working diligently inside me, how could I?

But Matthew was expecting an answer this time. Because I could feel his darkened eyes glare into my face and his fingers immediately stilled inside me. Earning a loud whine from me.

"I asked you a question, answer me."

It took me a minute to remember his question before I quickly nodded, "yes! Yes! Is that what you wanted to hear?" I nearly screamed at his face, my hands coming to clutch his shirt, needing something to relieve some tension.

"I want to hear you say it. Say it, tell me you want me." He demanded, his eyes locking with mine as he waited for what he wanted to hear.

He wanted me to beg, he wanted me to give up that control I never allowed him to have. And was I going to?

Absolutely.

I needed to.

"I want you, Matthew, I want you to take me and fuck me into that mattress until I can't walk straight. Please."

I guess that was the answer Matthew had been looking for because his fingers immediately began to work diligently inside me again, stroking the digits until he had me whimpering and begging for release.

It wasn't long before my head started to spin and stars began to blur my vision. Words were no longer an option at that point, nothing would come out, not even Matthew's name. All I could manage to let out were pathetic, strangled moans. But he could tell I was close, or I figured that much because his fingers only worked faster around my tightening walls, determined to finish me.

"C'mon sweetheart, come for me." he encouraged through gritted teeth as his fingers were anything but still inside me and his palm applied a crushing pressure into my front. And even when my eyes were half closed and my mind had turned into dust, I could see the look of utter determination on his face, his eyebrows were furrowed as his teeth dug into his perfectly plump lips. It was like his only focus was on driving me over the edge. And he succeeded.

The second his fingers curled, I was fucking gone. My orgasm hit me like a tidal wave. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as I cried out his name like a praise, my body nearly spasming against the wall. But his fingers didn't stop until my whole body shook to the point where my legs no longer supported my weight and I practically slid into the wall as I tried to catch my breath.

It was almost dizzying just how quickly Matthew withdrew his fingers from me and hoisted me up on his slim torso. He wasted absolutely no time in striding over to my bed across the room. My whole body collided with my bed so quickly and forcefully it knocked the air out of my chest.

Matthew was practically ripping away his clothes before I could even sit up or catch my breath. Like he had this urgency to do what I've been avoiding for the past two years. Like he needed to do it, right now, like something would happen before he got the chance to.

"Matthew—"

"Shut up, I've heard enough shit from you for the past two years, and I'm fucking tired of it." He almost growled, his usually soft voice coming out so low and dark it actually stroked fear in my heart. It was scary just how quickly his demeanor changed.

Matthew didn't really waste much time in discarding his clothes, he was down to only his boxers and was on top of me before I could even blink. He brought a hand to my chest and he pushed me down until my back was flat on the bed, but his hand stayed there, pinning me there as he hovered over me, trapping my significantly smaller body under his own.

He wasted no time in grabbing a hold of my dress and pulling it over my head. And I could've sworn I saw pure awe and infatuation flash through his eyes as they shamelessly eyed over my newly exposed skin. Come to think of it though, this was the first time I was this naked in front of him, and even then, I wasn't fully naked. Not yet anyway.

After a good minute, his eyes flickered back up to meet with mine, his previous look of awe quickly replaced by this feral look of want and pure desire. And I couldn't say it didn't excite me to see it.

He brought a hand to my face, running his smooth fingers over my face with a surprising amount of delicacy before he deep rooted them into my hair and slightly tilted my head back before he brought his face into mine, our lips crashing into a deep fervent kiss. I didn't realize we have never actually kissed. No wonder there was so much desperation and hunger within that kiss. We've been wanting this ever since we met, and ironically, I wanted it more.

His mouth was harsh and fervent against mine, his tongue wasting no time before it quickly slipped between my lips without much of a warning. His tongue explored every inch of my mouth and took as much control as he wanted to as he brought one of his hands to discard my brassiere, he struggled a bit at first but he managed to unhook it and discarded the flimsy material along with the rest of forgotten clothes. He pulled back to capture the image of my newly exposed skin. And he wasn't subtle, at all.

I almost felt intimidated under his deep and penetrating gaze as he shamelessly ogled my exposed body. I was completely exposed to him, completely vulnerable and right now, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted with me. And that scared me, it scared me just how quickly he took control over me after years of fighting against it.

With a hard swallow and a bob of his Adam's apple, Matthew slowly licked his lips, scraping his teeth against his slightly swollen bottom lip in a way that almost made me roll my eyes back into my head. But I didn't, instead I just locked eyes with him as he brought his face down and wrapped his lips around one of my breasts and his tongue swirled around the sensitive bud almost expertly, using one of his hands to toy with the other.

"O-oh fuck." I couldn't help but helplessly moan into the air as my hands found their way into his mop of brown curls. This reaction certainly delighted the bastard above me because I could feel his eyes burning into my face and his lips curving into a smirk around me before he slowly pulled back, latching on to my nipple as he pulled off it.

"You have a very filthy mouth, jeez." He tisked, slightly shaking his head disaprovingly but still had that fucking smirk of his.

Clearly, I wasn't amused, in the slightest, so his stupid comment earned him a nice and concise, "fuck you." 

But then again, it didn't have the effect I hoped for.

"Mhm, yeah, you're about to." He retorted one last time before bringing his face back up to mine, capturing me in a heated and messy kiss that only worked as distraction from the journey Matthew's hands took down south. I was only brought back to reality when I felt my underwear being ripped away and the cool air hitting me. And he was quick to pull down his own boxers and allowed his length to spring free. And I couldn't even play off the fact that I had to stare, my mouth slightly hanging open at the sight of him.

"You're so cute when you stare." He taunted, his words being fairly tame in contrast to his very dark and not innocent tone. The sound of his voice made me flicker my eyes to meet his face. Big mistake, because the borderline devious smirk on his face didn't help, at all. And it certainly didn't help when he positioned himself between my legs, rubbing himself on my already dripping heat.

"You do have condoms here, right?" He asked, but I wasn't paying attention, with him rubbing himself on my slick, I couldn't really pay much attention to anything. "I could just fuck you bareback, I'm clean, so I don't care. But it's up to you." He spoke again, slightly teasing my entrance with the tip of his length, hoping to actually get my attention, and I actually listened this time.

Biting my lip, I mentally cursed at my lack of sexual activity because it just so happened that I had no condoms. Matthew gave me an expectant look, not to pressure me, but just waiting impatiently. I knew if I told him to stop he would without a second thought, but he would just leave. I wasn't going to make that mistake twice.

"I'm clean too, just," I chewed on my bottom lip, already shuddering with anticipation as I hooked my legs around his slim torso, pulling him closer, "just take me, please just fucking take me already."

I didn't have to say it twice.

Without a second thought, he propped himself up on his arms and pressed his face against mine as he slammed into me in one swift motion. A strangled moan erupted from my throat as he buried himself to the hilt, stretching me open at once. And fuck, the feeling of him inside me was intoxicating, addicting even, I don't think I've ever felt like this before.

This was so fucking wrong. So wrong, so wrong to be fucking the guy my friend dated, so wrong to be fucking the guy I swore to everyone I hated. It was just wrong. So why the hell did it feel so right? It was so perfectly right the way our bodies felt together, like they simply belonged there, buried deeply within one another. I never wanted to stop feeling like this.

It was almost dizzying just how good he felt. And with the quick and fervent pace he set for himself right from the start, I knew I probably wouldn't last long. With my eyes rolled into my head, my open mouth and my body sprawled out on the bed as I tried to find something to hold on to, he probably had one hell of a view. And he enjoyed it too, because his thrusts only became harsher.

"Fuck, sweetheart, you're so fucking beautiful," he cursed through gritted teeth, his hands holding my hips down with a vice like grip, making sure I couldn't move. And it wasn't for lack of trying. My body shook and shuddered like a fucking earthquake around him but he simply held me down as he continued.

"You feel so good too. I can't believe you made me wait two fucking years for this. Fuck." He nearly shouted, slamming into me with an insane amount of force and clenched his eyes shut, almost as if the thought made him angry, "two fucking years to take what was mine."

His. He called me his.

Fuck, I wish those filthy words didn't have such a strong effect on me, but boy did they make a number on me. I couldn't even hold back the guttural cry that erupted from my chest as I nodded feverishly, not really realizing what I was nodding to. 

"Yes! Fuck yes, Matthew, I'm yours!" I almost screamed, saying whatever incoherent thoughts flashed through my mind, letting the whole floor know just how much fun I was having and with whom. And with my mind and thoughts being too clouded by the feeling of him, I didn't even think about what those words entailed.

But it didn't matter because they served their purpose regardless. I wasn't expecting just how much the words actually affected him, because his hips began to falter, his thrusts becoming longer but impossibly deeper. And I could see how concentrated he was, with sweat forming on his forehead, his teeth digging into his bottom lip and his breath was hard and short, like this was a task he was determined to finish. He was determined to ruin me.

Letting out a guttural and nearly animalistic groan, Matthew grabbed a hold of my hips and raised them so that each thrust would make him bottom out inside of me, knowing just how close we both were to our release. "Yeah, that's right, sweetheart, let the whole floor know who's making you feel this good," he growled as he gave one last final but brutal thrust, digging his fingers into my hips so tight I just knew I would have bruises tomorrow as he held me down on him, "let the whole floor know you're mine."

And just like that, my orgasm crashed into me, Matthew's harsh words of ownership sending me into a euphoric state of pleasure, my lips chanting his name like a mantra and my walls tightening around him as he came deeply into me, my own name rolling off his tongue in a quiet praise. And the utter and absolute look of ecstasy on his face made up for the bruises I would have to hide for the next few days and for the two years we've made each other's life a living hell. Because right now, seeing that look of being completely fucked, I just wanted nothing more than to just stay like this.

The second we were no longer blinded by our highs, he fell forward, nearly crushing me under his weight as he struggled to get himself up. Yeah he looked fucked alright. Despite knowing damn well he could've easily rolled off me, he didn't, he simply rested his head on my chest and closed his eyes like he was just going to sleep there. A small smile made its way to my lips at the sight of his tousled brown curls on my chest, ignoring all logic, I ran my fingers through the messy locks, and they were in fact as soft as they always looked. 

Realizing just how bad this was for me, and just how vulnerable I actually looked, I smacked his forehead, successfully earning a glare from him once he lifted his head, looking dead at me with his now soft amber eyes.

"You're crushing me, you ass, get off." I breathed out and rolled my eyes, being too exhausted to try and get him off myself. And knowing just how easily he corrupted me, I didn't need another thing to make this harder.

"Okay, okay, jeez." Matthew rolled his eyes, letting his head back into my chest exhaustively and groaned tiredly into my chest before he gathered just enough strength to roll off me and collapsed beside me, his reddened and sweaty chest still rising and falling unevenly as he was still trying to steady his breathing. And I was trying, too. And we just stared, we stared at each other, saying nothing. There was nothing to be said. It was better that way.

After a long long while of silently staring at each other, he brought a hand to my face and rested it there, his thumb mindlessly rubbing over the warm skin of my cheek and he smiled, he simply smiled. And it felt good, it felt comforting, sweet even, it was a funny contrast after what he just did to me.

"So.. About our project.."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list:

Matthew Gray Gubler

All- @aberrant-annie @marauder-exe @vquezada84 @boiled-onionrings @writeronkeyboard @l0ve-0f-my-life @mariaramz @soederberg

OUaT in NYU-

So I'm starting a tag list for this fic because it will be a mini series so let me know if you'd like to be added to the once upon in NYU tag list

[prettyboyreid]

can you read to me? (II)

part one

Even after a silly fight, the reader can’t seem to go to sleep without Matthew next to her.

College!Matthew Gray Gubler x Reader

Warnings: language, angst

Word Count: 3223

Waking up next to Matthew always felt warm.  From the touch of his skin to the weight of his heavy blankets… The only way to describe it was warm.

You woke up before him, just as the sun came up through the windows.  His arms were wound around you, holding you to his chest.  You could hear the soft snores escaping between his pink lips.  The dark circles around his eyes were barely lightening up, but they looked better than they did last night.  You smiled a bit, admiring his features before you checked the time.  You let out a huff as his alarm clock reminded you it was just past seven in the morning, rubbing your eyes tiredly as his arm reached over you to turn it off. 

You sat up slightly as he woke up, running your hands back through your slightly knotted hair as he adjusted the way he sat in the slightly uncomfortable bed.  You felt his eyes on you, but you could only push yourself out of your spot.  

His arm instinctively reached out for you, wrapping his large hand around your wrist.  He pulled it away quickly, though, worried it would be overstepping or that he might have hurt you.  You looked back at him anyway, crossing your arms over your chest to try and warm your body up a bit, not prepared for how cold his room would have been when you woke up.

“We should probably talk,” he said quietly, barely above a whisper.  You nodded in agreement, looking around the barren room one more time before your gaze met his.  His eyes were sad, like he had let his emotions bottle up and they were about to break through to the surface.  

You sat at the edge of the bed and tucked your feet beneath you, waiting for him to talk.  He took his blanket and wrapped it around you, wanting to make sure you were comfortable before he began. 

“I’m so sorry,” he said immediately.  You could tell he wanted to make sure you knew that, whether you heard him last night or not.  “I was just being dumb and I let my feelings get in the way of yours.  I shouldn’t have freaked out on you like that and I’m sorry,” he repeated, his hands folded in his lap as he spoke.  He was usually expressive with his hands, letting them move around wildly as they told their own story, but now they were dormant. 

You hugged the blanket around you a bit tighter, taking in the scent of him he left behind that you had missed so much.  You had a few of his hoodies and shirts, but his smell faded away quickly, leaving you only with the aroma of your dorm room and your laundry detergent. 

“I’m sorry too.  I shouldn’t have stormed out like that,��� you apologized, knowing you were at fault for the short break the two of you took.  “I should have let you talk, I just… I was frustrated and didn’t even listen to you.  I should’ve at least come back.”  

He shook his head softly, running his long fingers back through his messy hair.  “It’s not your fault,” he insisted, checking the time on his alarm clock again before looking back at you.  

“I have my English final in twenty minutes, but if you want you can come back later and we can talk some more?” he offered, standing up before heading over to his closet.  He was only in a pair of black boxer briefs right now, but he pulled out a New York University hoodie and a pair of black jeans.  He quickly got dressed and ran a hand back through his hair a few times just to make it look presentable.

I simply nodded in response, getting up from his bed and trying to make it up a bit before you stood between the two dorm beds, arms folded over your chest as you looked over at him once he was dressed.  “Uh, yeah.  I have my film final at ten, but we can meet up for lunch if that works for you?” you suggested, watching as he made sure he had everything together for when he had to go to his final.

He smiled softly at the idea of the two of you going to lunch, almost like a little date.  You had lunch every day together, and for the past two weeks you just felt a void in your day, sitting alone in your dorm with a take out meal from one of the many different fast food restaurants on the campus.  You were almost positive he was doing the same thing. 

“Yeah, that’s perfect.  Do you want to just meet back here?” he offered, shoving his hands in the pockets of his hoodie as he spoke.   I nodded softly, checking the time before heading to the door. 

“That’s fine,” you said with a faint smile, looking back around his room yet again before turning to Matthew once again.  “I’ll see you then,” you added, leaning up onto the tips of your toes before pressing a quick kiss to his lips just prior to leaving him once again.

-

Your final was excruciating.  You sat through all of your classmates' amateur films, your foot tapping anxiously on the thinly carpeted floors as you waited for your professor to dismiss all of you.  While it was one of your favorite classes, you loathed the thought of staying here much longer when you knew you would be able to see Matthew again.

Just before noon, your professor let you all go with a bid of a good winter break.  You scrambled as you collected your items and shoved them messily into your bag, practically tripping over your own feet as you made your way out of the large lecture hall and into the cold New York air. 

It was usually a quick walk back to the dorm building, but today, it was as if more people had been in your way than usual, and they all were walking as slow as they possibly could.  You constantly checked the clock on your phone, hoping to any sort of God that he wouldn’t just decide to leave after waiting for you for so long. 

At 12:04, you found yourself at the entrance of the dorms, nearly sprinting to the elevators before you pressed the “up” button.  The large metal doors opened for you almost immediately, and you stepped in and pressed the button for the fifth floor.  The feeling of the cart pulling you upward almost made you feel sick, reminding me of the conversation you were bound to have almost immediately.  

Matthew didn’t like to beat around the bush, and you admired that, but it also wasn’t always the best, especially when, right now, you just wanted to catch up.  What had he been up to?  Did he go see that new movie he had been talking about?  Did he go to any parties?

As soon as the two metal doors pushed themselves apart, you took a right and immediately headed for his room.  You held tightly onto the strap of your bag, as if your tight grip would calm your nerves, before knocking softly on the wood.  You heard shuffling inside for a moment before Matthew came to the door, giving you a weak smile as he looked down at you. 

“Hey,” he greeted you, somewhat blocking your view into his room, and not doing it subtly.  You raised an eyebrow at his greeting, folding your arms across your chest as you tried to peer past him.  He leaned slightly in your line of sight, hoping you would think that he was only stretching out after having to sit through a long final.

He wasn’t so lucky.

“What are you doing, Matthew?” you asked him, raising your eyebrows slightly at him.  You could tell by his expression that he knew he wasn’t going to be able to cover up whatever he was hiding, but he also wouldn’t go down without a fight. 

“N-nothing, just a little stiff, that’s all.  I sat in that final for like two hours;  I’m still a little sore,” he told you.  

You always knew whenever he was lying to you.  He had a tell - he would scrunch up his nose a lot more than he normally would.  Right now, he would let it scrunch up between every few words. 

You raised one of your eyebrows at him, trying to at least get the truth out of him before you pushed his door open further.  You huffed out in annoyance at the sight before looking between Matthew and his bed.

On his bed - that you had slept on last night and made up this morning for him - was sitting his “best friend since freshman year.”  Lydia was on her phone, ignoring whatever was going on at the door, as if being there was a chore.  She glanced up slightly at the sound of the door hitting the wall closest to it, giving you a snide smile before looking down to the screen in her hands. 

“Are you fucking kidding me, Matthew?” you asked him, your nostrils flared a bit as you turned to face him again.  His cheeks were pink and his full attention was on you, but you could hardly be bothered to notice that right now. 

“It’s not what you think,” he assured you immediately, his hands digging into the front pockets of his black jeans.  “We were just talking.  I swear to God, we just talked,” he promised, his eyes practically pleading for you to believe him.  

“Were you talking to her for the past two weeks?” you asked him, not even waiting for him to answer before you turned on your heels and walked towards the other end of the hall.  This time, he had at least half the conscience to follow you down to your dorm.  

You didn’t want to let him in, but he made his way in just before you slammed the door. 

“She came down to see if I was alright before she left!  That was it!” he insisted, following you as you paced around your dorm.  He made sure to keep some distance from you, not wanting to be too close to impose on your personal space. 

Despite the fact that he really, really just wanted to hug you and tell you nothing had happened.

“Did you hang out with her in the past two weeks?”  you asked him again.  You couldn’t be mad at him if he did, since you weren’t technically together.  But that wouldn’t stop you from being pissed at her.

He was silent for a moment before he nodded.  “I didn’t know who else to call the day after, and I needed to talk to someone, and she was there.”

“Because I wasn’t a feasible option to talk to when we had just had an argument?” 

He let out a sigh, shaking his head as he rubbed his eyes with his long fingers.  “I didn’t want you to be upset with me or something.  I figured you’d break up with me if I talked to you and I couldn’t handle that, alright?” he said, leaning against your bedpost while you stood in front of him.  You watched his face as he looked distraught, trying to piece his feelings together in the best way to express them through his words.

You couldn’t help but feel your heart sink a bit at the way he phrased it.  He figured you two were still together.  You had assumed the same thing, but given that you two didn’t end up trying to fix things for two weeks, that led you to the conclusion it was over. 

You couldn’t determine if that was a good or bad thing right now. 

“Did you two… do anything?” you asked hesitantly.  You knew she probably would have tried something, given what she had told you multiple times throughout your relationship with Matthew, but you needed to know for yourself if she had acted on it.  

He was silent for a few moments before letting out a soft sigh.  “She… she uh, kissed me,” he confessed to you, scratching at the back of his neck.  When he saw your face drop, he shook his head quickly.  “No, no, it wasn’t like that or anything.  I- I pulled away as quick as I could, I promise.”  His glossed eyes proved to you that he was telling the truth, but the knot in your stomach that he had formed didn’t make you feel any better. 

“Jesus Christ,” you muttered to yourself, running your hands over your face as you took it all in.  You were expecting that answer, but it didn’t make it any less hard to hear. 

“It’s not a big deal,” he started, pushing himself off of the bedpost before moving to sit beside you on the bed.  “I’m sure you hung out with Jack or something while we were… whatever we were,” he said sympathetically, trying to make you feel better, trying to get rid of some of the guilt he had obviously been carrying around since that had happened.

“I didn’t, actually,” you snapped at him, turning to face him as you spoke.  “I told him that night that I wasn’t going to hang out with him again.  I thanked him for his help but let him know I had a boyfriend,” you told him, venom dripping off of each syllable as you spoke.  You felt a little bad as you watched your boyfriend practically cower into himself as you raised your voice, looking down at his lap so he didn’t have to face looking at you.

“I didn’t- I didn’t mean to Y/N.  I just needed a friend and she… she needed something else, I suppose,” he said, as if this was his form of an apology.  It wasn’t exactly top-tier, but that wasn’t what you were worried about right now. 

“Why didn’t you stop talking to her after that?  Especially if you were under the assumption we were still together?!” you asked him, standing up from your spot on the bed so you faced him.  His eyes darted around, as if he were trying to figure out the best possible way to explain it to you, until he simply shrugged.

“I don’t know.  It was stupid, and I guess none of my other friends would have really understood what I was going through-”

“I did, Matthew!” you reminded him, pinching the bridge of your nose.  “I knew exactly what you were going through, and you didn’t have the decency to come down the hall and talk to me,” you spat at him, frustrating yourself over and over again the more you thought about it.

“You didn’t either, Y/N.  You could’ve come down and talked to me if you really needed to.  It’s not my job to fix everything in this relationship.  It’s not supposed to be so one sided,” he reminded you.  You huffed softly, running your hands back through your hair before you shook your head. 

“Just… leave, Matthew,” you said, knowing that if either of you stayed much longer that someone would say something they’d regret. 

Your heart shattered in your chest all over again as you watched his eyes shift from angry to sad, his honey brown eyes widening and glassed over as he looked up at you.  He stood up quickly, and you watched as he strained to rest his hands on your shoulders or bring you in for one of his famous tight bear hugs.  “Wait, no, can we just… let’s just talk, please,” he pleaded with you, not wanting to have a repeat of the situation you had just found yourselves in.  He couldn’t deal with not talking to you for that long again, only to have you start fighting once more.

“I just… I need to think, okay?” you said, much more harshly than you intended.  He nodded softly, running his hands back through his messy hair before making his way to the door.

“Can you promise me something?” he said in a quiet voice, barely turning his head over his shoulder as he spoke.  You nodded, knowing he would probably continue either way.  “Come down before break,” he started, his hand resting on the cold metal doorknob.  “I don’t want to go  a month without talking to you,” he added, opening the door and closing it gently behind him before he got a chance to respond. 

-

You spent the rest of the day in your dorm, mostly in your bed.  You mulled over the argument over and over, resting your head on the white walls as you stared at nothing.  

Your roommate had come back after her final only to change quickly.  There was an end of the semester party going on at one of the frat houses at the other end of campus, and after seeing you moping, she wanted you to join.  You thanked her but denied her offer, just wanting to spend the night by yourself.  It was better than being surrounded by sweaty drunk and high college students celebrating their last final before they had to go home once again. 

Once she had left, you ordered in some food from your favorite restaurant on campus, thankful that they had a delivery system in place.  You didn’t want to have to leave your dorm again, wanting nothing more than to be swallowed up into your mass of blankets and pillows.  You had opened your laptop to watch a movie just as your food arrived, paying for it and thanking the delivery man before playing a random movie you had saved to your drive. 

You ate your food in silence, and once that movie was over, you just played another, and another, and another.  You distracted yourself from your problems until your roommate came home, one of her friends helping her into the room and changing her into some sleep clothes.  You closed your laptop and looked at the time, letting out a quiet groan as you saw that it was just past two.  

As your roommate finally got settled into bed, you thanked her friend for her before turning off all of the lights, sinking down into your sheets as you stared up at the ceiling, memorizing the paint patterns as you tried to lull yourself to sleep. 

You counted sheep, you counted backwards from one hundred, you tried to steady your breathing, but nothing seemed to work.  You envied your friend across from you as she easily found herself fast asleep the second her head hit the pillow.  

You tossed and turned on your mattress, quietly groaning as each half hour passed by, begging your body for some rest.  You had a final that afternoon and you were headed home the day after, and you just wanted an hour, a half hour, any amount of sleep.  

You soon realized that that was going to be impossible, especially as the sun began to poke out over the horizon, letting you and everyone else in New York City that a new day was about to begin. 

God, you just wished that you could hear him read to you.