#collectibles are my kryptonite but i have oh so little money

[zeravmeta]

my one and only critical human weakness is that I am entirely a sucker for blind boxes and trading card packs and if within my ability i would literally purchase thousands of them even if I already have them. this is gods way of compensating for giving me giant brain and peepee

[luludeluluramblings]

Conner Kent's Obsession with Smalltown!Reader

A/N: I saw a few people liking the Superfam stuff and finally went nuts attempting this Conner bit. I tried. I tried so hard. I added dialogue. I'm used to the YJ Conner, but this is my attempt at Comic Conner. If he's OOC, oops. Yeet. (I attempted to research, I swear.) Might edit this some later.

A/N: I write Reader with an accent. One, cause that's how I talk. Two, cause I like it like 'dat.

A/N: I'm also almost done with Part Seven, but I'm adding dialogue to that too to make the breaking point a tad bit more impactful. I've never really written dialogue before.

Warnings: Slight Yandere themes. Romantic Yandere. (Very subtle.)

Conner’s run-ins with Reader always seemed to piss Tim off. Especially after Tim started researching into Reader. He would occasionally always beg Tim to invite Reader to hang out. And, he would find himself rejected every single time. Before it was probably due to Tim being dramatic. Now, he certain of this, it's because Tim dramatic and jealous overprotective.

On other occasions, he'd just by pass Tim, leaving him to his cases (and creeping) so hecould sneak and bother reader. They’re kinda cute, in his opinion. Of course they call him a big city boy and said he clearly lived off of his daddy’s money. Which was only kind of wrong. But, they way they said it made his a trail of heat crawl down his spine.

After some time had passed, he knew that Tim and the other members of the family were suspicious about him coming to the manor so much. He never tried to hide his reasons There was no point in hiding behind weak excuses. He respected the Bats too much to even think he could fool them. Plus, lying to the Bats was a good way to get stabbed with a kryptonite knife. Even though they had made it pretty clear that they disapproved of him coming around so often, He was still going to keep visiting. Could they really blame him? It wasn’t his fault he was enamored so easily. 

He kept his distance just a bit. Like he was silently (commanded) requested. He could tell he made the newest addition to the family a bit uncomfortable. And, he understood. The clone thing was kinda freaky after all.

Well, at first he had assumed it was because he was a clone. That would make any normal person feel a bit weird. But, then he heard them keep call him that nickname. City boy. The way it rolled off their tongue and how often it was said was clearly a sign. They weren’t bothered by the clone thing. They just didn’t like his personality. He could fix that. That wasn’t that hard. He was adaptable.

So when he approached them again, for the million time, he tried to play up the cool and collected act. Going as far as to emulate the Batman. Which, surprising made the ice break. When they laughed at him.

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

"No, seriously why are you acting like that?" You're still giggling at how hard he was trying to play up the serious act. Cause that's all it was. You don't doubt he could genuinely be serious for a moment, but this wasn't one of those moments.

"I'm just letting you see a different side of me, is all." Conner replies, trying to keep it up even though he had been quickly caught.

"You mean the imaginary side, city boy? I didn't realize you liked to play pretend." Another teasing snort. God, how you needed that laugh.

"I'm not pretending."

"Yeah, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yeah."

"No."

"Yes, you are. Don't be lyin' to me now. Or, Imma start gettin' upset."

"Okay, okay... How could you tell?" He conceded after a moment. The way he scratched the back of his head suited him much more than that little Oscar performance he was putting on a few seconds prior.

"I'm observant." Comes the mock arrogant reply. It was hard to give him a cold shoulder when he just made you laugh so genuinely in the last few weeks.

"Oh, look who's playing pretend now." The snark on his tongue doesn't have any heat, but it does bring you some relief. A bit of much needed normalcy.

Maybe it's the fact that the loneliness has slowly crawled into your chest and burrowed it's self deep in that hollow part of you, but it's easy to let your guard down around him for once. You had noticed his efforts to get to know you before, and maybe you let those preconceived notions cloud your little head. But, there was no need for them anymore. The twinge of glee he sparked was enough to burn them away and make you pause before you would rebuild those walls of yours.

"Are you saying I'm not observant?"

"Yep."

"The audacity!" The outrage nothing more than a sham. A simple way to fill the air between them. Cause even if the talk was small, just the hint of it filled something in you. That didn't make your curiosity fade, however. "But, seriously, why are you impersonating Bruce? And in his own house, no less."

The brief silence that washes over you both has you already regretting this. Had it really so long since you've had a proper conversation that you were this out of practice?

When he finally speaks again, it is gives you relief and more regret.

"I just wanted to finally get your attention."

Well, doesn't that make you finally fit in with the rest of your family?

Your tongue brushes over your teeth in an attempt to get the lead coating that made your words weigh heavy in your mouth off of it.

"I'm sorry, Conner. I- I've been smallminded haven’t I?"

"No, I get it. The whole clone thing is freaky." He starts, a light flush on his cheeks. He wasn't expecting an apology, and especially one so soon and so heartfelt.

"Oh, yeah, that... Really it didn't have anything to do with it. I kinda just thought you were a typical concrete jungle flirt. Momma warned me about men like you." You try to hide your sheepishness by adding humor to your voice, praying he catches your sincerity under all the different layers.

He catches something, judging by the beaming smile Conner gives you.

"Really? I had hoped it wasn't, ya know, that."

"Nah, nah. It wasn't. Still, I am sorry." You assume silence is about to befall the pair of you again, but he doesn't let it happen.

"My family owns a farm out in Kansas, you know?" The cheeky grin on his face screams that he's going to be getting his revenge in the form of mild bullying.

"No!" The resounding smack of your palm hitting your forehead nearly echoes in the halls. "I feel even worse now."

"So much for being observant, little detective."

"I never claimed to be no detective. But, I might be more... oblivious then I initially implied..."

Now, it's Conner's turn to guffaw at you.

"The audacity."

"Don't you throw my words back at my. I can't handle it." You can't help by click your tongue. There's hardly any annoyance from your words. "I really misjudged you."

"It's fine! I figured you might still be adjusting to Gotham and the whole Wayne lifestyle. Tim mentioned you're from a pretty small town when I started bugging him about you." He's clearly playing up the charm, but you let it work on you.

"More like I'm still suffering from culture shock." Slowly, you can feel this conversation starting to shift to something deeper than surface level. Things that haven't been allowed into the open air start to ripple underneath.

And, he takes that chance to draw it out.

"Still?" Empathy mixing into his tone. Those icy blue eyes looking incredibly warm. You'd never really taken the time to look at him. Sure, you knew he was attractive. Hell, everyone that seemed to show up at the manor was attractive. But, now you were finally looking at him. Too focused were you in taking in his appearance for the first time, that you completely missed the way those eyes shined with opportunity and desperate want.

"Yeah, still. It's... different."

"Different as in the food's a little weird or different as in the people are a little weird?"

"It's all a little weird, and it's... kinda... lonely?" You can't help the wince. You really don't wanna trauma dump on someone who you had initially misjudged. He didn't deserve that.

But, as he moves closer you can't help it. That desolate part of you longing for comfort when you haven't had it in such a long time and the way he's giving you all this undivided attention when you can barely catch Alfred in the halls these days fills that acute craving in your gut.

"Lonely?" God, the concern in his voice doesn't make you want to cry, but it does make you want to choke

"I... I think it's not here that's different. I think it's me that's too different." The way he sucks a breath in after the words leave your mouth makes you want to backtrack immediately. "I'm so sorry. God damn, am I mess right now."

"No. No. No. You are fine." The reassuring words oddly sound more like a purr, but they capture your attention all the same. "I get it. I really really do."

Why does he have to give you such a disarming smile. He's practically beaming at you now. There's a festering tension blooming around them like spores.

"You are really not helping me fell less like a jerk to you now." The click of your tongue attempting to defuse the budding blooms.

"Hey, if you're feeling guilt... you could, maybe... let me take you out for dinner sometime? Just to make it up to me."

After a stunned moment of thought, you finally find the words to reply.

" Honestly, I'd-"

"CONNER!" Tim's sudden interruption sends the words crawling back down your throat.

"Tim." He calls back in a cool greeting, but he strangely doesn't step back from you. Which is nice. You haven't had anyone close to you other than Dick and a few of your remaining friends at Gotham Academy. And Damian, Cassandra, and Duke get a bit huffy, or in Damian's case murdery, when they are within an arms reach of you.

"Sorry, am I interrupting anything? Conner and I had plans for the day." Tim's pleasant voice sends a wave of unease over you. He's not staring at you when he speaks. Just Conner. It's annoying how he's ignoring you despite you being right. In. Front. Of. Him.

But, then he does finally look at you and his dark grey eyes soften ever so slightly. You're not too mad. Clearly he's exhausted, judging by the bruises under his eyes. There's still a slight reflection in them as he's gaze meets yours, despite how dry the appear. Probably from looking at a computer too much.

"You really shouldn't bother with this guy. He's not worth it." The words are clearly meant to be joking. Casual banter between two close friends. But, you can't help thinking they come off a bit strong.

Conner seems to bristle at them, but he does brush them off.

"That's right, we are hanging out today. Can you blame me for getting distracted, though?" That cocky smirk of his is back, and he actually touches your shoulder. It makes you feels warm, but like a prize at the same time.

All Tim seems to do in response is twitch, but giving nothing away. His grey eyes going steely as they drift to Conner's hand.

When the moment finally passes, Conner lets his hand fall. You can feel it grazing down your back as he pulls away. Slow, like he's trying to strike a match and light something inside you.

"I'll see you later, sweetheart. Just think about my offer and get back to me on it!" Conner calls out as Tim storms behind him. Both heading in the direction of the library.

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

As soon as their in the Batcave, Conner can tell he probably pushed it too far. Not that he has any regrets. He finally got somewhere and confirmed all of his previous theories about Reader. They were so adorable apologizing to him, and so deliciously sweet about it too.

He should've realized Tim was watching them, though. Dude was a creep. He maybe his best friend, but he's still a damn creep.

As expected, the rest of the family is also giving him the patented Bat-glare when he sees them. But, as he stated, he has no regrets. He's not stupid enough to stick around, though. He saw Jason loading a suspicious looking green bullet into the chamber of his gun. And, while he knows Tim wouldn't kill him, he's not so sure about the rest of them.

He's confirmed what he's wanted, what he's already suspected. They're absolutely perfect for him and ripe and raw.

[justabumatthepark]

YOU RIDE WITH PUTO FAG

YOU DIE WITH PUTO FAG

SIMPLE AS THAT

😈😈😈

FOGELL BITCH

IF I DIE FROM A VAPE

WE ARE BLAMING YOU

IMAGINE FBI AGENTS AFTER YOUR ASS FOR THIS WHOLE LITTLE SHPEEL

😈😈😈

HUSHMOUTH?

DONATIONS ARE OPEN

OH, AND ICE AIN'T SHIT TO THE FBI

YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW

FBI AGENTS MAKE YOU SALUTE THEM WHEN YOU LOOK AT THEM PUTO FAG

YOU'RE COMMITING CRIMES IN US SOIL

THEY GIVE A FUCK IF I'M AN IMMIGRANT OR NOT

IT'S ABOUT THE SITUATION

AND NAH BITCH I AIN'T SCARED

I'LL SEE YOU OUT THERE

OH AND MAKE IT WORTH MY TIME PLEASE

YOUR HOMELESS BUMS IN THE STREETS BARELY SCARE ME

😈😈😈

BUNCH OF FAGGOTS

HUSHMOUTH?

NIGGA CAN YOU TELL ME WHY YOU'RE SO ADDICTED?

"FUCK YOU"

🙂🙂🙂

A GOD TO THESE NIGGAS

PUT MORE PRESSURE ON HIM

I CAN HELP BRING HIM OUT

I JUST NEED A PLACE TO STAY AWAY FROM THESE FUCKS

HE'LL FOLD QUICK AFTER BECAUSE HE'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE WAR

AND TRYING TO RETRIEVE ME

CAN'T BE THE TOP GENERAL CALLING SHOTS

IF HE'S BUSY FIGHTING ANOTHER WAR

FIND THE TOP RANK

THE HIGHEST RANK YOU CAN FIND

AND EXTRACT INFORMATION FROM HIM

WHEN HE TELLS YOU WHO THE PERSON AT THE TOP IS

QUESTION THAT MOTHERFUCKER

THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE HIGHER

UNTIL YOU FIND THE PUSSY BEGGING FOR HIS LIFE

AND HE WILL

BEG FOR HIS LIFE

HE JUST LIKE ME FR FR 💯💯

😈😈😈

100% ✅ SECURED

RANKS START THE REBELLION

ASK FOR MORE AND MORE

THE BITCH IS EITHER GONNA GIVE IT UP TO THE WAREHOUSE

OR TO THE ENEMIES

WAREHOUSE

GET TO THE MONEY FIRST

NOT TOMORROW NOT NEXT WEEK

TODAY

HE'LL FOLD

PROBABLY TRY TO GET OUT OF THE STATE

DON'T LET HIM

😈😈😈

WE WANT THAT GETAWAY MONEY TOO

"TELL THE JUDGE I COULDN'T BUDGE

IT WAS HIM OR ME" - LIL WAYNE

MONOPOLY ACTIONS

PUTO FAG

PICK WHAT YOU WANT

DO YOU WANT TO HELP ME?

OR

DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME?

BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO BE CONFUSED

😈😈😈

"I DEFINITELY WANNA KILL YOU"

WELL THEN DO IT ALREADY PUSSY

FUCK IS YOU WAITING FOR?

"NIGGAS IS FULL OF EXCUSES ACT LIKE THEY TAKING THEIR TIME" - 21 SAVAGE

🙂🙂🙂

AND IF YOU WANT SMOKE

BITCH I WANT THE SAME THANG

😈😈😈

HUSHMOUTH?

JUST DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING

SPECIALLY NOT FUCKING JESUS

CAUSE I'M GONNA "DAMN, THAT'S CRAZY" YOU UNTIL YOU GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE

BUSINESS ONLY WITH YOU FAGGOTS

HOMELESS SHELTER DOCU SERIES COMING UP

😈😈😈

LET'S SEE HOW TEXAS IS REALLY USING THEIR TAX DOLLARS COMPARED TO COLORADO

HUSHMOUTH?

"A GOD TO THESE NIGGAS"

WHAT'S YOUR OPINION ON DEATH?

"......."

TERRIFIED, HUH?

😈😈😈

Y'ALL STEADY PRESSIN MAN Y'ALL ARE FUNNY

ANYWAYS

PUTO FAG

AND HIS CREW OF FAGGOTS

THEY MID TBH

😈😈😈

AND IF Y'ALL HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT MY FRIENDS I SAY SAY IT TO THEIR FACE

BECAUSE I WILL NEVER BACKSTAB MY BROTHER

ONLY REAL NIGGA I KNOW

I DON'T SHIT WHERE I EAT

AND YOU PUTO FAG, TALKING SHIT ABOUT MY FRIEND

THAT'S PERSONAL

😈😈😈

WHY DON'T WE KEEP BREAKING YOU DOWN PUTO FAG

LET'S SEE A SORE LOSER

WHO CHEATS TO WIN GAMES

AND LIKES TO WATCH PEOPLE USE THE RESTROOM WITH HIS HIDDEN CAMERAS

AND PROBABLY JERKS OFF TO IT TOO

AND WHO HONESTLY JUST NEEDS TO KILL HIMSELF ALREADY

COME OUT AND PLAY BITCH

😈😈😈

IS YOU LIKE THAT?

😈😈😈

I'M FROM THE HOOD

HOOD BITCH

DON'T LET THIS FOGELL SHIT FOOL YOU

YOU TRY TO TOUCH ME AND MY LAWYERS WILL COME DOWN HARD ON THAT ASS

"YOU GON' SEE LAWYERS AND NIGGAS IN JORDANS"

😈😈😈

UNLESS

"IS YOU LIKE THAT?"

DONT WORRY DADDY WAS A BITCH

YO MAMMA A BITCH

YOUR GREAT GRANDMA A BITCH

WHOLE FAMILY TREE OF BITCHES

😈😈😈

JUST LIKE ME FR FR

🙂🙂🙂

SO WHAT'S UP BITCH?

"IS YOU LIKE THAT?"

"IT'S TIME FOR HIM TO PROVE THAT HE A PROBLEM"

HUSHMOUTH?

😈😈😈

🤭😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

KISS MY RING BITCH

SEE A CUTE CUDDLY BITCH

WHO'S THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM ABOUT LOSING

MAN GET RID OF THAT BITCH

LET'S GET THIS MONEY

100% ✅ SECURED

MONOPOLY ACTIONS

PUTO FAGS KRYPTONITE

YOU'RE JUST A DUMBASS PSYCHIATRISTS WHO WASTED THEIR TIME

AND NOW I'M GONNA NEED THAT

100% ✅ SECURED

DONATIONS ARE OPEN

COLLECT 200 AT GO

🤭😂😂😈😈😈😈😈

HUSHMOUTH?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

HEY PUTO FAG WHY DID YOU CHALLENGE ME?

WHY DID YOU PUT HOSPITAL EQUIPMENT INSIDE MY BODY?

"......."

SEEE NOW YOU DON'T WANNA TALK, HUH?

😈😈😈

THAT'S ALL I'M TRYING TO SAY MY GUY

IS YOU'RE ADDICTED TO THIS SICK FUCKING GAME OF ME TRYING TO FIND YOU

BUT IT AIN'T HAPPENING

😈😈😈

100% ✅ SECURED

"WE'LL PROBABLY SPEND IT ALL CAUSE THE PAIN AIN'T CHEAP"

DONATIONS ARE OPEN

-PUNCHES THE WALL-

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!"

😂😂😂

SO KNOW YOU GUYS KNOW

ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ME

WE ARE BLAMING YOU

😈😈😈

MORAL POLICE GO HOME

I DARE ANY ONE OF YOU FUCK NIGGAS TO STEP OUT OF LINE

AND I'LL MAKE YOU TALK ABOUT DADDY IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS LIKE THIS BITCH

A BUNCH OF WORTHLESS MOTHERFUCKERS

I DON'T TALK TO PEOPLE LESS SUCCESSFUL THAN ME

😈😈😈

MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS 

AND I'LL MIND MINE FAGGOT 

HUSHMOUTH?

I DON'T DO SCARY BITCH 

WE'LL SEE HOW LOYAL A HUNGRY DOG REALLY IS 

100% ✅ SECURED

😈😈😈

UNTIL THEN

"OUT HERE BEGGING FOR ATTENTION NIGGA SAY PLEASE"

😈😈😈

EVERYONE IS FORGIVEN

THE WHOLE WAREHOUSE

EXCEPT FOR PUTO FAG AND HIS CREW OF FAGGOTS

BRING THEM TO ME

😈😈😈

100% ✅ SECURED

WE BOTH THINK YOU FAGGOTS ARE IDIOTS

BUT I DON'T NEED Y'ALL AT ALL

HE DOES

😈😈😈

MAKE WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF THAT

OH AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE

FACT CHECK ME

😈😈😈

ONCE YOU IDIOTS REALIZE HE NEEDS Y'ALL

HE'S WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGER

PUTO FAG TOO SCARED TO BE ALONE

AGAIN FACT CHECK ME

100% ✅ SECURED

😈😈😈

HUSHMOUTH?

"SHOW MY FACE IN THE COURT SO YOU KNOW IT'S ME"

😈😈😈

FRONTIER JUSTICE IS FOR PUSSIES

BUT TORCHER FOR FUN IS BEYOND PUSSY

IT'S DISGUSTING

BUT I'LL ALLOW IT

😈😈😈

100% ✅ SECURED

WANTS TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING BUT WHY HE PACED THIS BOUNTY ON ME

JUST GON' HEAD AND REPORT BACK TO YOUR BOSS THAT YOU FAILED

TELL HIM TO CALL ME

IT'S BUSINESS

😈😈😈

Tap in!

DM ME

OTHERWISE JUST KEEP YAPPING AWAY

I GOT TIME

🙂🙂🙂

TIMER

HOW LONG CAN YOU YAP AWAY

TELL YOUR BOSS TO CALL ME

THE TIMER STARTED

NOW YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME

AND HIS

😈😈😈

100% ✅ SECURED

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

The coffee and the cup (Jeong Yunho/Smut)

Ateez Masterlist                                       Group Masterlist 

A/N: You bet your ass this was inspired by the pottery video. I was also inspired by a lot of ceramics artists I follow on instagram and thought this was fun.

This is a feel good story, no bad things, just good. Just wanted a feel good thing. 

Tags: Potter! Yunho x Café owner reader!, Fem! reader, a lot of pining and sweet glances, coffee, a freshly starting relationship, love confessions, Hongjoong that likes to judge

Smut tags: Very sweet, gentle, soft dom! Yunho, marking, oral (female receiving), Fingering (female receiving), scratching, Praise, teasing, Unprotected sex (wrap it up y’all)

Word count:  8046 (I don’t do short stories) 

There was something utterly comforting about the feeling a café could give you. It was something that you had always enjoyed, from being in middle school, getting cookies and chocolate milk before school, to high school and college where you did all day study sessions, cafe’s had become a safe haven for you. Therefore it was only natural that you had grown up with a dream of starting your own. 

With the little money you had managed to save up and the help from your family, your cafe had become a reality. A reality that you never thought would happen. It was even more surreal as you unpacked your first groceries and placed them in the pantry and refrigerator, looking around your place. Your place.

It was small, with only two, two persons tables indoor and two outdoors, it was more a “grab a drink and go” type of place and it was perfect for you. It was seated in a small street, filled with small locally owned businesses and what better way to introduce yourself, than to bake. 

A classic lemon blueberry muffin was the taste of coming home, the taste you wanted to sell at your store, a taste you wanted to give your fellow shop owners. You wanted people to feel comforted at your place, so you made something comforting with a little twist, so that everybody could see what type of person you were. Baking was your second love to coffee, so you went to work making around 30 muffins. The delicious smell filling your store and placing a smile on your face. Nothing could drag your day down, not that day.

Once the muffins had cooled enough from coming out of the oven, you packaged them carefully and placed them all in a little wicker basket, setting off to say hi to your neighbors. Starting with the little music instrument store right next door. The owner wasn’t what you expected at all, young, well dressed with one painted nail on each hand, going by the name Hongjoong. He greeted you with an amazing smile, wondering how he could help you.

“Welcome! Can I help you find anything?” He asked and you couldn’t help but beam a smile back at him. “No believe me you wouldn’t want me playing any instruments. I bought the café next door and wanted to introduce myself!” You said raising your basket to show him. “Oh! Welcome to the neighborhood!” He shook your free hand, smiling at you brightly. “So you’re going to be providing us caffeine from now on. I greatly appreciate it.” He said and you couldn’t help but laugh. It’s nice that people were missing a café here, gave you hope that you would do well.

You grabbed one package of muffins and placed them on his counter. “I hope you like lemon blueberry muffins. I made them from scratch and well they’re my personal favorite.” You explained and he tore into the packaging quickly. “I’m partial to anything made with bread.” He said, pulling apart a muffin and popping a piece into his mouth. “Oh, everyone around here is going to love these. You should head to Wooyoung’s restaurant down the street, Yeosang’s skate shop, Oh and Yunho’s little store next door. He might eat you out of house and home but oh boy he might become your best customer. These are delicious.” He complimented and you felt a sigh of relief. No matter how many people tried your food and drinks, you still got anxious when it came to their opinions. “I’ll head there now. Would be nice to have a customer before we even open.” You said softly and Hongjoong nodded. “He’s loyal too. If he likes what you have, he’ll never go anywhere else.” He added, making you laugh.

The sound of the door opening behind you made you glance in that direction, seeing a teenage boy looking around the instruments. “Well, I’ll let you get back to it.” You said, heading for the door. “Thank you again for the muffins and if you ever need any help with anything, don’t be stranger.” Hongjoong told you, making you feel all warm in your chest. He was incredibly kind, you could tell from the way he carried himself. “I won’t. Have a good day!” You said, waving as you exited his store. 

It was an incredibly good day out, sun brightly shining down on you as you walked to the little shop next to the music store. The bell signaled that you entered the building, but there was no one in sight. You stood by the door a moment, not wanting to overstep boundaries even if it was a store to shop in. Not only for that reason though, you were scared to knock something over and break it. 

The store was filled with shelves lining the bright yellow painted walls, on those shelves were a bunch of clay made works. From little figurines to beautifully sculpted plates, vases and mugs coated with bright paint. It was all so colorfull and bright, making a large smile pull over your lips. 

However, no one came to the front so you remained still another moment before calling out. “Hello?” You asked, holding on to your basket and leaning forward to see if you could spot anyone. “Hello?” You asked again, not really expecting a response but wanting to make sure. 

“Come on to the back, I can’t open the door back here because my hands are really dirty!” A voice called out and spotted the door that muffled it. You maneuvered yourself carefully to not knock things over as you made your way to the door, spotting a few mugs and plates you wouldn’t mind adding to the café’s collection on your way. You stood in front of the door not quite knowing what to expect when you opened the door, but you did it anyways. 

It lead to a little studio, with big windows in the back and more shelves lining the room. In the middle sat a pottery wheel with what looked like a half finished vase resting on it. But what was really eye catching, was the man washing his hands by the sink in the corner.

He was tall, with long legs, dark hair and broad shoulders. Wearing blue jeans and a white t-shirt that had clay stains all over them. Then he turned around, finally exposing his face to you and you seemingly felt your knees get weak. Never in your life had you seen eyes like his, so big and full of emotion. It only made the stripe of dried clay on his cheek seem even cuter. 

“Can I help you with anything?” He asked, drying his hands before walking towards you. Lifting your basket, you had a hard time finding words for a moment as he smiled at you. “I- uh- Hongjoong next door sent me over. I bought the café 2 doors down and wanted to introduce myself.” You explained, watching his smile get even bigger. You quickly stuck your hand out to his and he looked down at it, taking it gently. “I’m Y/N.” You said, really taking note of the way his eyes sparkled. “I’m Yunho.” 

Now Yunho knew it wasn’t really all that common for people his age to make a living off of pottery and art. But he saw that as a challenge, a challenge he took head on and had managed to do it. It was his passion, it was what he was good at and well, the looks of surprise on people’s faces when they asked him what he did for a living was an added plus. 

Now he hadn’t been expecting any visitors that day so he was taking the time to create a vase he had been thinking about making. But he wasn’t mad at the interuption at all, especially not one in such cute packaging. Your yellow sundress was inviting, your pink cheeks even more so and not to mention the wicker basket with baked goods. You looked like the angel of his own personal heaven. 

“I made muffins, they’re lemon blueberry.” You said, pulling the two packaged muffins out of the basket and handing them to him. You were feeling incredibly shy suddenly, even though the man was radiating nothing but a positive energy. “Oh! You said Hongjoong sent you?” Yunho asked, taking the packaging. You nodded at his words and he let out a hearty laugh. “He knows my kryptonite, baked goods.” You couldn’t help but laugh at his words as he took one more step closer to you. 

“I hope you don’t mind my asking, but what are you making?” You asked, gesturing to the pottery wheel. Yunho’s eyes widened at your interest before moving back towards the wheel. “I was asked to make a vase specifically for calla lillies. The design needed to be ‘unique’ according to the client.” He laughed and you took a step closer to look at the clay better. Unique was definitely an accurate description for it, but beautiful none the less. “It’s really pretty.” You said and looked back at him. He was watching your response to his work, finding it endearing how focussed you were on it. 

“I have something for you.” Yunho said quickly, wanting to welcome you to neighborhood properly. He gestured for you to follow him back to the front of the shop as he scanned his shelves for something. “Something for me?” You asked, following him as looked around. “Yes, something for you. To welcome you to the neighborhood.” He said sounding incredibly cheerful which made butterflies fill your stomach.

It was funny how Yunho had taken a few looks at you and instantly had a piece of his in mind to gift you. It just seemed like it suited you, with your bright choice in muffin flavors and the sunny aura that you had radiated to him. It was just an obvious choice to him. 

“There they are.” He said, pulling 2 mugs from the back of a shelf. They were made for a large cup of coffee, with sunflowers molded onto them and painted. They were very pretty and something you most definitely would have picked out for yourself. He quickly shuffled to his counter, wrapping them with paper for protection and placing them in a little bag. Yunho was a little scatterbrained, self admittedly, but it was only natural to get a little extra nervous when there was a pretty girl in front of him. 

“I hope these get put to good use when the café opens.” He said, as he wrote something on a card and slipped it into the bag. You caught a glimpse of his handwriting, noting how messy and cute it was before looking away again. “I’ll definitely put them to good use. I’ll make sure to serve my first cup of coffee in one.” You promised and Yunho could feel his ears burning red. “Good.” He said softly, sliding the bag in your direction. “The shop opens in 2 days, I would enjoy it if you stopped by.” You said softly as you grabbed the bag and placed it in your basket. “I’ll be there for sure.” He said, simply standing and looking at you. You admittedly were doing the same, finding yourself getting absolutely lost in those eyes before tearing yourself away. “I have a few more stops to make-” You started, walking towards the door because you were embarrassed for staring. 

“I really hope you enjoy those muffins.” You finished, placing your hand on the door handle and looking back at him one more time. “I most definitely will.” Yunho smiled, watching you leave his shop before leaning down and pressing his forehead against the counter. He hadn’t had a rush from someone in a long time, you were like a shot of caffeine and he had you on his mind for the rest of the day. 

You had brought around the rest of your muffins before coming back to your shop. It was now late in the afternoon and the had calmed down quite a bit. You had discovered that your new little neighborhood was close, tight knit. Everyone seemed to know eachother and something about that was quite comforting. Wooyoung’s resaurant was incredibly home-y with delicious food (he had forced you to sit down and enjoy some food) and Yeosang’s skate shop was just adorable with a lot of custom boards there and they all seemed to know eachother quite well. It was helping you realise you had chosen the right spot, you needed the support. 

Sitting down at a table, you placed your basket down as well. The whole afternoon you had been curious about what Yunho had written down on the card. It was on your mind the whole time and well so was he. He was quite magnetic, awkward and just very cute, you really couldn’t help it. 

Pulling the mugs from the bag, you unwrapped them carefully so that you can take in the details more. You hadn’t really gotten the chance to before, you were entirely too focussed on something or rather someone else. You held one of the mugs in your hand, looking it over and running your fingers over the smooth ridges. It was all so incredibly detailed and such a sweet gift. 

You put the mug down and pulled the card from the bag. It was just simple cardstock with no design on it, only his writing and you felt the butterflies bubble back up as you read.

“I thought it was a good day because of the weather, but I guess it was because you were in the neighborhood. I can’t wait to stop by your café when it opens, but I would love it even more if you would go on a date with me, maybe let me teach you how to sculpt. I’ll leave my number for you. 

It was nice meeting you, sunshine.

- Yunho

P.S the mugs are handwash only”

You laughed at the last sentence holding the letter to your chest as you did so. A date with Yunho, it was all so sweet. Not to mention his nickname for you had you swooning. 

Pushing yourself up from the table, you placed the mugs on the counter and put the card by your store’s phone. It was too soon to call right away, but you were definitely going to call. There was no doubt about that, you could feel a connection with him instantly and you couldn’t help but mentally thank Hongjoong for that. 

-

Time had seemingly slipped away from you after that day. You had been incredibly busy the day after, getting everything ready and prepared for your grand opening. Baking what you could, grinding coffee beans and preparing mugs, plates and other items. You weren’t expecting a huge turnout or anything... but it never hurt to be prepared. 

But that coupled with your anxiety for doing well, you seemingly forgot about Yunho’s number that was just waiting to be called by your phone. It was purely accidental that it happened, that it had all slipped your mind. 

But you were quickly reminded of it when he stood in front of you, after you had given one of your first customers their order of coffee and an oatmeal cookie. There he was, standing in front of you at 10 a.m, wearing a lightly striped button down tucked into black jeans. Considerably more dressed up than the last time you had seen him, however this image of him made you think of his number and you panicked. 

“Oh my god Yunho, I forgot to call.” You said, clasping a hand over your mouth in embarrassment. You felt absolutely horrible at the realization however Yunho could only laugh. “It’s alright, it’s alright sunshine. I figured you were busy with the opening and everything so I didn’t take it to heart.” He smiled at you and you pouted. “I feel really bad. What can I do to make it up to you?” You asked, walking around your little counter because from what you could tell, there were no more customers left to serve aside from him in the café. 

Your response was just so cute to him, he didn’t think you owed him anything at all. He gave you his number and it was your choice to call him or not. However he still would have really like that date, especially seeing you again. You were wearing a simple orange, shin length, floral skirt with a black t-shirt tucked into it and an apron fastened around your waist. You were... sunny to him. 

“You don’t have to make it up to me, you don’t owe me anything. But I would still like to know if you would like to go on a date with me?” He asked and you couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief at his question. “Oh and I would love another lemon blueberry muffin. I ate both alarmingly fast the other day.” He added on quickly, laughing as he did so. He didn’t want you to feel pressure, at all. Yunho wanted you to go out with him because you wanted too, not anything else. 

You looked down to the ground in attempts to hide the blush on your cheeks, before pulling yourself together and finally looking up into his eyes. “I can definitely do a date and I can also definitely do a muffin.” You said and quickly disappeared behind your counter again. Yunho watched with adoration as you did, incredibly happy but trying to keep things cool. 

“Here is your muffin... would you like anything else?” You asked, handing him the packaged treat and his fingers grazed yours. “No, I got what I came for.” Yunho said and reached for his wallet. “No, it’s on the house.” You stopped him and he looked at you, opening his mouth to  say something. “I know you said I don’t owe you anything but, just take it. For my own sake.” You explained and he bit down on his lip to keep his smile to a minimum. “Thank you.” He said softly, back away from the counter because how much he was beaming. 

“Call me to set up the date tonight? Okay?” He said, now leaning in the open door of the café. “I will. I definitely will this time.” You said and he nodded, walking away and letting himself smile fully. 

Your first day was incredibly good, a total of almost 50 customers which really wasn’t much but still good and a date settled with an absolutely beautiful man. It was just a good day, you smelled like coffee when you got home and there was nothing better than that. Life was coming together. 

-

He had set things up in such a specific way, he wanted this to be perfect. Something about you drew Yunho in so much, he didn’t want to mess this date up at all. It meant a lot to him. 

So when you showed up to his store again, ready for your date, he had his heart in his throat. He had told you to wear something you wouldn’t mind that got dirty and well you listened, showing up in overall you deemed your “paint overalls” the ones you would wear while painting your house and some beat up Converse sneakers. Yunho was wearing the same clothes from the day you had first met and waiting inside his store when you appeared at the door. 

“You look very cute.” Yunho commented, the second you entered the building and your cheeks flushed red. “I’m used to people starting conversations by saying hello.” You said, leaning onto the counter he was stood behind. He mimiced your actions, face getting closer to yours. “Hello. You look very cute.” He teased and you looked down to avoid his gaze with a soft smile. “Anyways, what are we doing today?” You asked, standing back up fully and slipping your hands into your pockets. 

“Well, do you need anything else for your shop?” Yunho asked and you took a moment to think. “I was thinking about stopping by for some small, single flower vases. To see if you even had anything like that. Why?” You asked and he pushed himself off the counter. 

Now if you had said no, he would have sat you down to make something random just to have fun. But now he was going to give you something you could absolutely make use of and hopefully something to remind you of him. 

“I figured I could teach how to make them, something you want exactly.” Yunho said, scratching the back of his head because he was now completely questioning his own idea. “Oh!!! I would absolutely love that!” You said, needing to contain your excitement. Something about a date like this really touched your heart and even if this wouldn’t go anywhere, you know you would remember it for the rest of your life. 

He let out a sigh of relief before leading you to his studio, where he had set up a picnic blanket on the floor next to the large windows with a basket filled with treats. You couldn’t help but place your hand on your chest, your heart pounding because of how sweet he was. 

“Jeong Yunho, I do believe you are a romantic.” You said, gesturing to the blanket and he had to hold back a laugh. “Maybe just a little bit... I just thought we could talk a bit while the clay is in the kiln.” He explained, well rambled more. He was absolutely making your heart melt and there was no doubt about it. 

He sat you down behind the wheel after preparing everything for you, the damp clay sitting on top of the wheel. You looked up at him, questioning what to do because this was completely foreign territory to you. “Start spinning the wheel and wet your hands in that bowl and just start feeling around the clay a bit. Get a feel of what you’re doing.” He said, crouching down by your side. You followed his instructions, under his carefull gaze.

Yunho had guided your hands carefully from next to you, until you had accidentally placed way too much pressure on the clay and denting the form. “Oh, uhh let me see if I can fix that.” Yunho said, seeing how you struggled to get it back the way it was. You stood and he took your seat, his height when sitting coming up to your shoulders. He was mesmerizing to watch as he sculpted, eyes focussed on the wheel and lips kind of pursed. He was just so pretty. 

“I think I get it.” You said and he looked at you in confusion. “This suits you, sitting here behind the pottery wheel, working with your hands. It really suits you. You’re completely in your element. It’s really beautiful to see.” You explained further and he allowed the wheel to slow down, to look up at you. 

You didn’t even realise how close you were until you felt his breath fan over your lips and you suddenly felt excitement in your chest. So you made a split second decision, you made a judgement call. 

Leaning forward, you pressed a quick kiss to his very soft looking, plump lips. Yunho was caught off guard, not having expected that at all but not complaining either. In the few hours you had maybe spent together, there was something completely undeniable there. 

Now admittedly, the kiss was too long for it to be a peck and that was because Yunho could’ve sworn he tasted strawberry on your lips. It left him wanting more, so he deepened the kiss and for a moment you forgot your hands were covered in wet clay. You cupped his face, only for him to laugh against your lips and you realised your mistake. 

“Oh my God, I am so sorry.” You said, pulling away and looking at your hand prints on his cheeks. Yunho couldn’t stop laughing, maybe because of how ridiculously funny the situation was or maybe because of the pure joy he was feeling. “I got too caught up - I- I- completely forgot my hands were-.” You explained in frustration, really wanting to cover your face in embarrassment but deciding against it with better judgement. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Can you just maybe wash your hands and then hand me that washcloth by the sink?” He asked and you did as told quickly bringing him the damp cloth to help him get your marks off of him. His cheeks and ears were flushed the whole time as you did so, eyes following your movements and reading the concern on your face. “It’s really okay.” Yunho laughed, comforting you a little more but you couldn’t help but stay embarrassed. “It’s definitely a story to tell. Not my best first kiss admittedly.” You said and pushed your hair out of your face, not your brightest moment most definitely. 

“I mean, I could act like it didn’t happen. Or we could just have a do over?” Yunho suggested, placing the cloth down on the counter and looking at you with a cheeky smile. He just wanted to make sure it was really strawberry he was tasting on your lips. “A do-over?” You asked, crossing your arms and looking up at him. 

His hands came up to your waist, pulling you a tad closer by the belt loops of your overalls before leaning down to your level again. You cupped his face, allowing your thumbs to run over the smooth skin of his cheeks and smilled to yourself. “Oh sunshine, you’re just the cutest.” He said softly and closed the space inbetween you too. This was it, this was what it was supposed to feel like. Butterflies flying around your stomach and your heart pounding in your chest because of how badly you wanted to kiss someone. This was right. 

Your hands moved from his cheeks to his hair as he deepened the kiss, tasting that sweet strawberry flavor again and making a mental note to ask you about it later. His hands held your waist gently, not moving in any way in fear of overstepping his boundaries. 

Pulling away again, this time with a considerable less amount of embarrassment, you placed your hands on his chest gently. “You see, that’s what I was trying to do.” You said softly, toying with the fabric of his shirt. “I figured.” He said in response, letting eachother go in the process. “Your lips taste like strawberries, as if you couldn’t get any more sweet.” Yunho commented, just looking at you with mild disbelief as you sat behind the pottery wheel again. You knew exactly why you tasted that way, you were experimenting with strawberry creme for on top of cupcakes and had to taste test it.

“Come by the café some more and I’ll show you why.” You smiled cheekily and started to spin the wheel again, wanting to finish your vase. “Hmm, sounds good. It sounds like another date.” 

- 

“That’ll be 7.50.” You said cheerily before going to pour her coffee and grab her 2 slices of coffee cake. You handed her, her items and waved her out of the store before letting out a sigh. There was a dip in how busy it was and you had a moment to relax. 

“I just noticed that your customer service voice is the same as your regular voice.” Hongjoong said from the table closest to your counter. He had been coming in on his breaks to hang out and talk and well this was one of those times. “Is it? I never noticed.” You asked with a raised brow, Hongjoong shook his head at you. “I can’t believe your just genuinely that sweet.” He commented and went back to looking on his phone. 

“Of course Y/N’s that sweet.” Yunho’s voice came in from behind you, knowing he came in through the back. His hands moved to your hips from behind and rested his head on your shoulder. “They even smell cake 90% of the time.” He added on before kissing your cheek. This earned a blush from you and a sigh coupled with an eyeroll from Hongjoong. 

“Disgustingly cute.” Hongjoong grumbled, standing from his seat and grabbing his coffee. “I’ll be taking this to go.” He added, leaving your cafe to give you both a shred of privacy. 

Laughing, you turned around in Yunho’s arm and wrapped your arms around his neck. “Hi.” You said softly, toying with the hairs on the back of his neck. A few months in and you were incredibly close, ridiculously in love. The whole neighborhood knew, the whole neighborhood thought it was disgustingly cute and well you were incredibly happy. 

“Hi.”  He said back, leaning you backwards to press you against your counter. He had been missing you all day, all week more like. With the school breaks on top of general vacation days, business had been going quite well. But that also meant a little less time together. Which was alright, that was healthy but God Yunho was missing you. 

He kissed your cheek, moving his lips over your skin lightly to pay you some special attention because there was no one in the cafe anyways and there was just something about getting you so flustered. 

“What’s gotten into you?” You asked, taking a deep breath as his lips moved over your neck and down to the neckline of your dress. “When can I get you alone for more than 5 minutes?” Yunho asked, pulling his lips away from you again. He could tell you were breathing a little heavier and your cheeks were flushed, exactly what he wanted. 

“I think I have more than 5 minutes of alone time after work.” You explained, only for his lips to find the base of your neck again. His hands were now massaging your sides, bunching up your dress slightly when the bell of your door rang. 

“I forgot my phone and I’m glad I saw this so that I can leave a bad review on yelp.” Hongjoong said and you both pulled away from eachother quite quickly. “Come by the shop after you close up okay sunshine?” Yunho said, trying to hide his embarrassment as Hongjoong gave him a dirty look.

“I will.” You said, quickly pecking his lips one more time before he exited your shop. You were a total shade of pink because of the way Hongjoong was looking at you. “Don’t say anything.” You said, pointing your finger in his direction the second Yunho left. He started laughing, grabbing his phone from the table. “You two are so in love it’s disgusting. Get married already, have coffee filled, artsy babies.” He teased and you shook your head. “It seems like you two were half way there already, wonder what would’ve happened if I didn’t walk in.” He added and you turned away, suddenly feeling the need to keep your hands busy. 

“Probably nothing, we haven’t gone that far. Doubt it would’ve happened in broad daylight, in an open café.” You said, now wiping down a fully clean counter to get out of your own mind. You wanted to take that next step with Yunho and he seemingly wanted to take that step too. 

So you made your way over to his shop after closing, checking the way you looked in the reflection on the windows before entering. You weren’t nervous, at all actually. Everything felt certain with him and so did this. You instantly walked to studio portion of his shop, anticipation in your chest as you pushed the door open. 

“Hey you closed early.” Yunho said as he cleaned his counter by the sink. “I did. Thought maybe we could stretch those 5 minutes into a few hours.” You said softly, walking behind him to hug him from behind. You missed him the last few days too, you were definitely realising it while holding him. “You can’t just kiss me like that in the middle of the day and leave.” You mumbled against him as his hands found your, drawing shapes into your skin with his fingers. 

“Sorry about the inconvenience.” He chuckled and pulled you to stand in front of him, wedging you between him and the counter. “Big inconvenience. I’ve been thinking about you all day.” You leaned back onto the counter as Yunho took a step forward. His thigh, wedging between your legs as he did so. He was completely hovering over you, hands finding purchase on your hips. “Maybe that’s what I wanted.” His voice was a tone lower than normal, making your tongue dart out to wet your lips. 

You grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him close because you really couldn’t wait much longer and kissed him. Yunho loved it when he brought you to that point because he found it oh so endearing when you needed him so badly. 

Using his hands, he lifted you up onto the counter fully making your dress bunch up slightly. His hands moved down to the newly exposed flesh of your thighs as his tongue slipped into your mouth. This, this was what drove him insane because everytime he kissed your lips you tasted so sweet. 

You tugged his hair as his grip on you tightened, making him groan against your lips. “How do you do it, you always taste so sweet?” He asked with his forehead pressed against yours. You leaned forward a little, making your core come into contact with his denim clad thigh and you whimpered before answering him. “That’s for me to know and you to be amazed by.” Shaking his head at your answer, he pressed his lips to yours again absolutely not caring if it was sloppy or not. 

He continued to pull your hips down, making your core rub over his thigh and you couldn’t help but pull his hair harshly. This made him nip down on your bottom lip before moving his hands to hike up the skirt of your dress. He was absolutely obsessed with how soft your skin was in his hands every new inch that was revealed, didn’t disappoint. 

Moving his lips down your neck again, he made sure to nip down on your skin and making you gasp. Yunho was going with intent to leave marks, there was just something that made him compelled to do so. His hands moved to your waist to drag you closer to edge of the counter and closer to him. His fingertips finding the hem of your panties to toy with them, making heat pool between your legs even more. 

His mouth stopped at the neckline of your dress, before he looked up at you. “Can I take this off?” He asked, tugging on your dress slightly. The little question making heat rise to your cheeks. “Yes, you can.” You answered softly, helping him lift the fabric off of your body. You were about to throw your dress to the side when took it from you, folding it before laying it down gently on a chair. You sat, kicking your legs slightly as you watched him because the action made your heart flutter. 

“Don’t want your dress to get dirty.” He said, turning back around to look at you. He could feel his heart stop a moment, you were incredibly just so incredibly beautiful to him. The dim lit room, coupled with your slightly swollen lips, pink cheeks and the fact that you were sitting there in nothing but your underwear, it was driving him insane. 

“God you look...” Yunho started, walking back to you to wrap his arms around your bare waist. You curled his hair between your fingers, looking him the eyes. “Absolutely beautiful.” His eyes sparkled as he spoke, making your whole body fill with warmth as he looked at you. You wrapped your legs around him, to pull him even closer to you. “I’m feeling a little self conscious here. Can you maybe?” You didn’t finish your sentence, just tugging on his shirt in hopes he’d get the message. He pulled it off of him and simply threw it on the ground, not giving it the same care he gave your dress. “I don’t care if that gets dirty.” He said before kissing your lips quickly and sinking down to his knees. 

Eye level with your core, he traced his fingers over your clothed slit slowly, looking at you to see your response. Your eyes were shut up and your lips were agape, body tensing as his finger grazed your clit. That was enough for him to hook his fingers into the lace, tugging your panties down your legs. You brought your hand to your face, taking your thumb between your teeth as Yunho pulled your legs over his shoulders. 

He feathered kisses over your thighs, squeezing them as he did so and inching closer and closer to where you needed him. “You’re going to tease me when I’ve already been thinking about you all day?” You asked, voice muffled by your own hand. He looked up at you again, eyes darker and blinking at you. “Yes, because it seems to be working.” He answered, dragging his fingers over your slit. “You’re so wet, Sunshine.” He finished, kissing your clit lightly and your hips bucked for more friction. 

He looked up at you one more time, taking a mental image of you with your finger caught between your teeth just staring at him before kissing you again. Allowing his tongue to move over your folds and tasting you. You attempted to clamp your legs shut at the sensation only for him to hold them open, not allowing you to go anywhere as he ate you out. Lips wrapping around your clit and making you moan out loud. Your hand moved to grip his hair, just wanting him even closer to you because fuck... he was making you feel so good. 

“Yunho-” You moaned, making his fingertips dig further into your thighs. “Sunshine, you even taste sweet.” He commented, kissing your thighs again as you tugged on his hair for more. “Baby please don’t stop.” You begged, nearly pouting as you did so because you were oh so close to cumming. 

He stood back up, face now level with yours again and you whined. “Relax.” He said softly, hand trailing down your body before cupping your core. His finger teased your hole while the other hand cupped your face, slipping a finger into and watching every expression as he did so. Yunho thrust his fingers into you harshly as your mouth fell open again. Eyes locked onto Yunho’s as he drew you closer and closer to your orgasm. Your fingers clawed at his arms as the coil in your stomach tightened. “Yunho, please.” You whined, feeling him insert another finger and stretching you out. 

He sped up his pace, feeling you tighten around his fingers and the scratching down his arms get harder. “Come on, cum for me sunshine.” He pressed his forehead against yours as you let out a small scream that faded into a whine. The coil bursting as his fingers continued thrusting into you. Your face burried into his neck as you held onto him, needing something to brace yourself with. 

He watched you slump into his arms, using his hand that was holding your face to now stroke your hair. “You’re alright.”  He cooed, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling of his hardon pressing against his jeans. You kept your face in his neck as your hands moved from his arms down his chest and torso. Trailing down the faint outline of abs as your hands went down, resting on the button of his jeans as you finally looked at him again. 

“I love you.” You said softly, as if it was a secret and you were in a crowded room. Your fingers undid his jeans, not waiting on a response from him. If he wasn’t there yet, he wasn’t there. 

“Hey.” He cupped your face again, making your focus now be solely on him. You hardly gave him time to respond to your confession before you went undo his jeans, he needed you to focus on what he was going to say because he could tell you were scared for his answer. 

“Relax, Sunshine. I love you too.” He said, taking in the way your eyes widened at his words. “I- I- can I?” You stuttered, gesturing to his jeans. “Yes, yes you can.” He laughed, continuing to cup your face as you undid his jeans and dragged the zipper down. He hummed as your fingers grazed his hard on, gripping your face a little tighter making you smile. 

“Now who’s teasing?” He asked you and you giggled, only for him to shake his head. He grabbed your hands and pulled them off of his jeans so that he could pull them down, together with his briefs. “Can’t deal with what you dish out?” You asked and he shook his head, placing his hand next to your hips on the counter. “Not nearly as well.” He admitted and you wrapped your legs around his bare waist to pull him against you. 

His free hand gripped the base of his cock as he rubbed it over your folds. You held the back of his neck, watching his actions before he slipped into you slowly. Your nails dug into his skin, making goosebumps coat his skin as he sheathed himself into you fully. The whimper you let out of was like music to his ears and the way you felt wrapped around him was better than he dreamed of. 

Yunho gave you a moment to adjust before wrapping his arms around your waist and almost picking you up off of the counter. It caught you by surprise making you hold onto him even tighter. “Fuck Yunho.” You hummed, as he started thrusting into you, using the leverage he had gotten from holding you. His pace picked up, fucking into you slowly as your sounds filled his studio. 

“You feel so good, Sunshine.” He praised, a low moan leaving his mouth afterwards as you scratched down his back. He thrusted a bit harder and faster, needing a taste of that sweet release because he too had been thinking about you all day. 

“Right there-” You choked out as he hit your sweet spot, the heels of your feet digging into his thighs. He pressed his face into your neck, placing kisses everywhere he could reach and sucking even more marks into your skin. He continued actions, making you tighten around him very quickly. He let go of your waist to place one of his hands by your side on the counter and the other down to rub your clit, giving him leverage to bring you both to the edge quickly. Your hands moved to his arms, scratching down them as well just adding to the pleasure he was going through. 

“Sunshine, I’m really close.” He moaned out, hips staggering slightly as he continuously rubbed your clit. You pet his hair, drawing his attention back to your face and that was it for him. You looked oh so fucked out and the way you were holding on to him, it was enough to send him over the edge. His hips stopped as he came inside of you, head drooping and beautiful loud moans leaving him as he did so. However, his fingers never stopped circling your clit and threw you over the edge with him. 

He was a mess, moaning at the feeling of you contracting around him and the overstimulation of it. The way you felt holding on to him, stroking his skin as you both calmed down. He was now holding you close against his chest, still resting inside you for a moment as you caught your breaths. 

“I meant it you know, when I said I love you back.” Yunho’s voice was soft spoken as he pet your hair. “I know.” You said as you traced over his arm. “Good, just wanted to make sure you knew I didn’t just say it because we were having sex.” He explained, body leaving yours and making you sigh. 

“I know I definitely didn’t just say it because of that.” You said as he handed you back your underwear. “That’s good.” He smiled at you that goofy smile, eyes filled with love. You shook your head, before grabbing his face gently and pulling him for another quick kiss. You just really wanted him to know that you meant it.  

“Come on, let’s go to my place. Maybe watch a movie, eat dinner, have round 2. All of the options are allowed.” He said laughing before handing you your dress, as you rolled your eyes at his words. 

“Ah Sunshine, I love you to bits.” 

- 

“The back of Yunho’s neck looks like he’s been mauled by a tiger, you wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with that?” Hongjoong asked as he entered Yunho’s shop the next day. He had to run errands and asked you to watch his shop for a moment, so there you were sitting behind his counter and painting a piece of pottery you had helped him make not to long before. 

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.” You said, needing to bite on your lips to contain your smile as you continued to paint the clay. “Uh-huh, tell that to those hickies all over your neck.” He commented and you looked at him. “Do you ever spend time in your own store?” You asked in frustration and he started laughing, pointing at you. “I knew it!” He laughed and you shook your head. “Okay, okay. Shut up about it.” You hid your face in your hands, feeling how beat red you were. 

“Fine, fine, I’ll stop teasing.” Hongjoong joked, walking around the shelves of pottery. No one else was in the shop, so the conversation wasn’t entirely inappropriate. “But it was good though? No hiccups, no awkward situations?” He asked and you could only smile at the thought of it all. “No, nothing awkward.” You said and he stood in front of the counter again. 

“I told him I love him for the first time.” You added quickly, simply going back to painting. “Wait, you did? For the first time? It took you both that long?” Admittedly Hongjoong wasn’t wrong, but you had felt love for him a long time ago. There just wasn’t a desire to vocalize it just yet, on either end. “I mean it was obvious that you too loved eachother, I’m just surprised it took you so long to say it.” Hongjoong explained and you nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. But sometimes it’s better to just wait until there’s that moment. That perfect moment to say it.” Last night was most definitely that moment for you. 

The store bell made you both redirect your attention to the door. Only for Yunho to pop his head in and look at you. “I was half way to the store when I realised that I didn’t ask you needed anything.” He said, smiling at you with stars in his eyes. “You could’ve just texted me.” You smiled back as Hongjoong watched the interaction. “I could’ve, but I would rather just walk back and see you instead.” He explained and Hongjoong laughed. 

“You two, you two are something else.” Hongjoong commented and Yunho shook his head. “But you don’t need anything?” He asked and you shook your head. “No, I got all I need.” You said and he nodded before going to leave again. “I love you, Sunshine.” He said quickly, shutting the door behind him. “I love you too.” You said smiling, knowing he couldn’t hear you anymore but still taking the time to do it. Hongjoong rolled his eyes at you and opened his mouth to say something. 

“As disgusting as you two are, how cute you are together makes up for it.” 

A/N: Feedback is kind!

I’m not completely satisfied with the ending but I still like this story alot. Sometimes you just need some happy stories. I hope you guys enjoy!

[nevertheless-moving]

thanks again to @dykerory and @willowcrowned for this genius au. this is an incomplete collection of very specific set of headcanons/daydreams i had about a tangential version of your au that made me emotional in the middle of the woods. whenever you feel the time is right, i’m very eager to hear your og version on the ‘but obi-wan, tho!’, because i admittedly pushed this one’s resolution really far chronologically because i wanted batman to be involved.

continuation from here

note: my understanding of dcu is as sporadically informed as my understanding of the gffa. 

newly graduated clark kent gets his first journalism job and starts settling more and more into the superman thing. the rest of the justice league has been around but his entrance onto the scene is the one that really inspires the various heroes to actually start coordinating to deal with the weirdness magnet that is dcu Earth. Clark is in his early 20s. Anakin is in his late 30s.

He’s been living on Earth, without the force, for nearly 2/3rds of his life. He has a close knit circle of friends who were kind to him even when they thought he was just a weird and crazy emo cult victim (the gradual increase of public encounters with aliens and superpowers sparks some awkward apologies, Anakin at 38 just waves his friends off, smiling and changing the subject, neither confirming nor denying his high school ramblings of spaceships and magic. it doesn’t really change anything).

He lives an hour’s drive from smallville, and runs a successful auto shop. people travel from pretty far to check out some of his more wild and specialized motorcycle abominations. makes enough money selling them to rich idiots to fund his free auto-class and auto-repair programs for impoverished communities.

It took a while but he eventually came around to the idea of helping people without physical force (ironically, this is happening around the same time Clark is coming to the realization that he can help people with physical force). Generally respected as a pillar of the community. When people start to realize how profoundly weird he is as a person in a number of inexplicable ways, someone will generally pull them aside and quietly whisper that he was in a cult at a child, no one really knows much about it except that it’s what inspired his anti-modern-slavery work, which is a little telling. Not married. Was in a long-term relationship for like 9 years. It didn’t end well but no-one knows the details.

Has several cats. 

He’s- wistful but settled. He’s been through a lot of therapy. He meditates every morning and night, clearing his mind and examining his emotions in the way Obi-Wan taught him. He thinks Obi-Wan would be proud of him. He know his Mom would be.

Once he gets used to the idea, he never really stops loving the concept of learning just because. Duel bachelors degree in in african american history and american literature, masters in engineering, masters in astrophysics a phd in theoretical physics, another phd in medieval folklore. He’s worked a lot of jobs. 

He was already pretty well versed in astronavigation back at the temple. Over the course of his time on earth, he gets more educated in earth astronomy and physics. With is increased knowledge, his theory for ‘how did i get here’ shifts from slight hyperdrive miscalculation, to big hyperdrive miscalculation, to some sort of hyperlane incident. he realizes that none of the stars he knows are familiar in any NASA database. He must be beyond wildspace, which helps him let go of the last bit of hurt he felt that Obi-Wan never found him.

Then he really learns physics- and- light doesn’t exactly work like that right? He thought it was just primitive Earth understanding but... he gets a phd more or less accidentally, trying and failing to disprove that the speed of life is constant constant.

Get’s another even more accidentally, explaining how alternate universes might form if we assume slightly different universal constants. He publishes his thesis anonymously around the same time metas are becoming a household term, and at least one science journalist speculates on it and how alternate universes might explain the increasing prevalence of wildly different superpowers. He doesn’t claim credit for the honorary diploma awarded to the unknown theorist- he doesn’t want to risk drawing any attention to him and by extension Clark, who’s alien differences are far more of the ‘military experiment interesting’ variety then his.

He stops tinkering with Clark’s ship. He finally gets how it works. Now that he realizes how FTL travel has to work in this universe, tinkering with the mechanical generation and harnessing of the massive quantities of energy necessary to do is startlingly familiar. But it doesn’t matter. No matter how far and fast he travels, he’s never going to be able to get back to the life he used to know. 

Perhaps this is what being the chosen one actually means- he’s meant to live a life without the force, so that when he returns to it in death he’ll be able to somehow...educate? the force? maybe?

Ok, he’s not great at the metaphysical spiritual side of things, but he does accept that going back is out of his control, and he’s doing good here, even if it’s not galaxy altering.

Despite all the therapy, he never doubts that his early life was real. He has his saber and deep, deep down he can feel a spark in the kyber. He can’t do anything with it, but it’s there. There’s also pieces of the utter wreck that was his ship in the cellar, next to the sleek unblemished pod that Clark arrived in. Shortly before Clark becomes Superman, he asks for his help in melting down his old ship to make unearthly alloys. 

He’s not surprised when Clark tells him he met a ‘real’ ‘magic’ user- it stands to reason that considering how relatively easy it is to convert energy from one form to another in this universe (Clark can fly), at least one kind would bend to sentient willpower in a similar way as the force does.

It’s still a little nervewracking showing his lightsaber to someone new for the first time in a decade. Zantana scrutinizes, bewildered. 

“There is some sort of power locked within, but it’s unfamiliar to me,” she admits finally. “I could probably brute force it and force the energy to release itself, but it would likely destroy the container.” Anakin politely refuses. 

Later, after the justice league’s formation, Clark mentions to J’onn that he has a friend who might be able to work on his ship. J’onn is extremely doubtful when he’s brought to a bizarre autoshop in the midwest that looks half-like a roadside attraction. Anakin sighs and digs his hands into the guts of the craft, muttering incomprehensibly and yelling at clark to melt down some pieces from the special scrap pile. A few days later he explains the patches he’s done to an impressed J’onn. When he asks how a human came to learn such things, he’s absently informed that,

“I used to work in a junkshop in Tatooine. All sorts of ship parts came through.”

“I’m unfamiliar with this world.”

“Tell you what, if you ever meet anyone who’s heard it of it, send them my way, and I’ll make your next repair free.”

“Oh! I’m afraid I don’t have any earth money...”

“Ugh, of course you don’t. it’s cool, capitalism sucks anyway and everyone’s entitled to free transportation, regardless of the area they happen to live. I do ask that if you can’t pay for the repairs that you spend an equivalent number of hours either attending one of my free auto classes, or volunteer at a community-led charities of your choice, here I’ll get you a pamphlet-”

So the Martian Manhunter becomes a weekly volunteer at a Midwestern Food Waste Reclamation Facility. J’onn J’onzz ends up becoming Anakin Skywalker’s friend well before he becomes comes truly comfortable around Kal-El. For a telepath, 39 year old Anakin’s Jedi orderly mind is a soothing relief.

(again, Anakin has spent far more time meditating on Earth then he ever did at the temple. Before all this, spent five years dutifully memorizing the Jedi way even as he struggled to live up it’s basic practices. For the first few years on earth, religiously practicing every meditation technique Obi-Wan ever taught him, thinking obsessively about the philosophies he never had time to really process, is just a desperate attempt to reconnect with the force, prove himself worthy of it. But even after he gives up on ever touching the force again, he keeps up the practice, he can’t release his emotions exactly, but he does find peace. The tendency to stop mid-rant to earnestly pronounce made up zen bullshit and then sit quietly for an hour before picking up on his tirade again as though there was no interruption is one of the things many things people find profoundly weird about him)

Kal-El doesn’t stop asking new aliens and dimensional travelers if they’ve ever heard of Coruscant, or Hutts, or the Jedi Order. Anakin might have given up, but Superman remembers his older brother scrubbing away his own tears to focus on helping Clark calm down enough to touch the floor again. The more the Kryptonian’s powers developed in alarming ways, the more Anakin set aside talk of missing his home galaxy. Anakin might have claimed it wasn’t like that, but Clark was determined to take every chance his increasingly weird life threw at him, no matter how vanishingly small.

In the middle of his first battle with Braniac, Clark starts insulting his incomplete database. The world collector pauses, demanding a more precise explanation. Clark complies, giving his best technical description of Coruscant’s cityscape, Tatooine’s binary star system, and so on. Braniac is so distracted that Superman recovers completely from his kryptonite poisoning and easily saves the day.

Neither the lantern corp or the denizens of the neutral zone have the answers. Superman doesn’t mention it it Anakin, but he never stops looking and listening.

“How did you even meet that guy?” Flash asks curiously after stopping to say hello on one of their after work laps of the country. 

“Aliens among us support group,” Kal-El responds deadpan. 

“Oh. Wait, what? He’s an alien? I thought he was from the future or something! You’re messing with me. No way that’s a thing. How many people are in the support group? This is a joke, right?”

“Sorry, most of them aren’t out and I don’t want to violate their privacy- a lot of them have high profile jobs. How do you think I met J’onn?”

“SUPES I’M FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW YOU’VE GOTTA STOP”

Anakin is just sort of vaguely known by a solid chunk of the super community as ‘that one midwestern zen space mechanic’ and no one really questions it because everyone’s life has just gotten so goddamn weird. A few of them know he used to be a space wizard of some kind. Space wizards now being a regular hazard of life on earth, no one has reason to doubt this, and it’s as good an explanation as any for Anakin’s general vibe.

well. almost no one doubts this. Batman does not simply accept Anakin’s general bullshittery without carefully investigating and drawing his own conclusions. He does not share these with anyone.

But one day Clark- this is well after Superman became Kal-El to him, and not long after Kal-El tells him to call him Clark- comes up to him and asks for his help finding about an alternate universe. Knowing and dreading where this is going, Batman stalls,

“Shouldn’t you be asking one of the league members who regularly travels between universes?”

“I have, over the years,” Clark admits, awkwardly scuffing a boot on the floor of the cave. “But no one’s familiar with the exact one I’m looking for, and I thought since you’re a detective, and also one of the smartest people I know, you might be able to help me...”

“You’re an investigator yourself, and you can survive the vacuum of space,” Bruce shoots back flatly. “I’ve told you before Gotham is my priority, and this has ‘personal project’ all over it.”

“Come on, B, please,” Superman pleads, trailing Batman around the cave like an overgrown puppy. “In a few months it will have been 30 years! He’s my brother! Just let me see the research you’ve already done!”

“Who says I’ve already done research on your brother?”

Clark shoots him a look. And Bruce concedes the point with a grunt.

“I’ll need need to talk with him first,” Bruce finally concedes. “Bring him by the cave. Take the-”

“Take the tunnel entrance, I know, I know,” Clark agrees with a grin. “This doesn’t mean he’s authorized to know your secret identity. Thanks Bruce, this means a lot. I’ll ask him tomorrow about his schedule.”

Superman flies off and Batman scrubs his face with a gloved hand. After a moment he pulls up Anakin’s file on the main monitor. Bruce honestly respects and likes the man, as much as he respects and likes anyone who’s not family. He admires his sense his style, appreciates his upgrades to the batmobile, and is impressed by both this civil rights work and his additions to the scientific community.

That doesn’t mean he’s not convinced that Anakin’s brother is a bit insane. Again, he’s not judging! He dresses like a bat to scare random henchmen and beat up actual demigods! He wishes his rogues gallery was as capable of directing their ptsd-inspired delusions and staggering intellects towards such productive pursuits!

Bruce was already in quiet awe of the Kent’s ability to raise an outrageously superpowered being without blowing up a chunk of the country; their success in derailing a supervillian origin story just puts him over the edge. He stares at the three most likely profiles he’s pulled together. Christen Jones, from a negligent family, death certificate filled out suspicously sloppily at age 3. Earl Lucas, went missing at age 9, both parents dead in a violent assault. And Jake Hayden, who at age 5 disappeared along with the rest of his family in a seismic accident later linked to Luthercorp.

Anyone of them could have suffered on the streets for years and coped by establishing an elaborate fantasy world, aided by self medication, only to eventually be picked up by the Kent’s and start healing. Certainly Anakin had the intellect to create worlds in his mind. All his rogues were smart enough to create their own little realities in their heads- it doesn’t mean they were actually reachable. 

Unfortunately Anakin had a Kryptonian younger brother who was determined to actually find the space wizard knight homeworld, even as the 'Jedi’ in question had slowly moved away his reliance on the delusion as an adult. Batman really didn’t see any way bringing up his conclusions to Anakin or Clark could possibly be helpful, and so many alien allies had a ‘If you find about the Jedi please contact Kal-El of Krypton on Earth’ pamphlet that it would be excruciatingly awkward to try and discretely correct anyone.

Bruce was not looking forward to this conversation.

[facepalming-since-chernobyl]

Dead Karamel Fics Club

So, I was talking with a @raisedbyfandomwolves about the karamel fics ideas we are never going to write and I’m going to kill you with one of my ideas.

The title: DEAD TO THE WORLD

Theme song:

Deathwish without a prayer

End of hope

End of love

End of time

The rest is silence 

*evil laugh*

It starts sometime after s3. Mon-El for a few years is in the future and exploring with his Legion friend Sal the ruins of National City (most of the humanity lives in the flying cities, because the future, bitches!, and most of the earth is destroyed).

Suddenly Sal calls him, because he finds intact newspaper. Mon grabs it but it turns to dust, but before he manages to make a hologram of the first page with his ring.

The article written by James Olsen is about Supergirl’s heroic death.

In their Legion headquarters he, Sal and Brainiac are talking about the article. Mon notices some of the facts in the article are different than in the past he remembers, also Kara should not be dead on that moment aka someone is screwing the timeline.

He demands (aka showing Brainiac into the wall and threatening to murder him with cold blood) to be sent into the past. Sal agrees to come with him.

The problem is, the device Brainiac offers is not good – it can bring you back once and then goes poof!. Also, they can’t take anything with them aka they end naked *Terminator’s theme in the background*. So, no legion rings. Also, they may or may not turn into a cloud made of molecules.

Mon of course doesn’t give a fuck but promises he won’t contact Kara or superfriends to not fuck the timeline more. Because they can’t take anything with them, Brainiac tattoos how to make the device on Mon’s back.

Before they are sent, they drink some rum and holds hands and byeeee, Brainiac Mon and Sal to the past.

What happens?

A lot can happen in 5 seconds.

In the first second, you can open your eyes and see darkness. You can realize you are levitating in air. You can also realize you are completely naked. In the second, you can fall down. In third, you can make a hole in the roof of a henhouse and be a cause of a collective heart attack of 20 poor chickens. In the fourth you can throw up the aldebaran rum you so unwisely drunk before Brainy sent your ass back into the past. In the fifth you can moan the one and only fitting word:

“Fuck.”

There is no Sal in the sight. Did he turn into a dust? Stay tuned!

Because I have amazing sense of humor, Mon is found by an old lady who is the owner of the henhouse. She aims a shotgun at him, while he, covers himself with a chicken and explains himself.

Because the lady is bored and she doesn’t see hot naked guys, she clothes him, feeds him and borrows some money for the bus to NC. In exchange, he fix some shit in her house.

In NC Kara is in her depressed mood that becomes worse, because sometimes she hears Mon’s hearbeat *sad violin music*

Mon is proceeding with his investigation but sometimes can’t help himself and watches her from some afar. So yeah, she really hears his hearbeat. Oh the ANGST.

He contacts… Lobotomizer (when I was developing this story I still didn’t mind her….). He explains her everything, shows her his mighty naked back and she promises making the device.

Then he is caught by *the drums* yes, you guessed right! Sal his pal, who is a Dxamite who survived the invasion (all his other friends-soldiers breathed too many lead and died) but was sucked by the same portal as Mon.

He is also *more drums* the guard who saved Mon on Daxam and yes! He wants revenge! Cold ass revenge! Because he blames Mon for his bro death, his chomik death (hamster on Daxam, Sal calls his Bob), his blah blah *villains bullshit* and will kill and destroy everything Mon’s love. Aka Kara :)

Mon somehow escapes the cage and runs to Kara who sees him for the first time, smiles and… ends dead, stabbed by a kryptonite blade. She dies in Mon’s arms and he blames himself, because I’m a cold bitch without a heart.

He thinks it’s all his fault and goes to Lena who gives him the time travel device. Instead of the future he goes to the past, to Daxam, the morning it is destroyed. He kills himself, because I’m super duper ass cold bitch. His guard tries to save him, but before he kills the Kryptonian, Mon-El stops him and allows the shocked ambassador to escape. Maybe, the guard accidentally shots him. Mon holds the face of his guard in his palms, says it’s the only way and embraces. And then kaboooom, all die.

Kara wakes up in the present, woken up by another nightmare, when she sees a strange random Daxamite guy who looks a little familiar but she can’t recall him.

Then Sal, who was sleeping beside her, because I’m a cruel horrible human being, wakes up, asks if it was a nightmare and they cuddle and come back to sleep, but Kara is still weirded out.

There is an implication Sal remembers the other timeline and everything what has happened.

THE END

Joking, I was thinking about part two, where Sal tries to prevent Kara from restoring her memories and shit happens, but because the power of love!, she does and then tries to save Mon-El. Not necessarily she would succeed because I really wanted to make this story horrible :P

Soooo, karamel fic writers! Do you have abandoned fic ideas? Care to share?!

Also, @raisedbyfandomwolves I’m challenging you to share your idea. MUHAHAAHH!

[taehyungsgrowl]

SFW Alphabet for Nate

I think I did it wrong last time bc I was waiting for people to send me letters when I was just supposed to go down the list. But I’m a dummy so disregard half of what I say.

i hope you guys like them and thank you virgo anon for the input w these 🥺i love our baby 🥺

Here we go:

A- Activity (What is their favorite activity to do with you.)

-- i think he likes doing new things w you. and i know that sounds cliche BUT hear me out. duncan is a bit of a home body 🥺loves to be curled up w reader sharing kissies and cuddling. nate enjoys that too but i think trying new adventures w you is his favorite. i can see him being the type to like hiking dates!! (also lets not forget the tik tok videos you guys make together )

B- Beginnings (How do they act in the beginning of a relationship)

-- considering the beginning did start off as something kinda casual between him and reader, he kept it as such. but he’s such a natural charmer that even when he’s not trying, he just comes across as super sweet. they’d finish hooking up and he’d offer her to stay over or get them food (not bc he felt like he needed to but it’s just the kinda guy he is) i think he probably let his goofy side out right at the beginning as well. its what helped y/n open up to him and feel at ease w him 🥺

C- Communication (Are they good communicators? How do they normally talk about their problems or solve issues)

-- big sigh. nate? was the KING of communication!! hell! he was able to talk to duncan (who ISNT the best at communicating) when they weren’t even friends and helped him talk to dumb!reader. plus he’d always been open about his feelings. told y/n right away when he knew he was in love. (i only say he WAS bc he should have told y/n he was struggling before he ended up in the hospital 🥺)

D- Drunk (What are they like when they’re drunk)

-- koala bear cuddly drunk!! not just between him and reader! but he will love on anyone! (omg.. you know dunc was a little 😳when drunk!bro!nate started hugging him... hiding his face in duncs neck... telling he smells good... telling him how much he loves him... bros 👯‍♂️)

E- Emergency (How are they in emergency situations? You get hurt, they get hurt, someone is dying etc..)

— oh god. nate is the type to keep cool and collected in an emergency - even if he were the one having an emergency 🥺 like if reader would’ve been w him during his car accident, she would have been worried sick over him and he’d just be like, “hey, look at me. i’m okay, yeah? a lot stronger than i look, babe.” even if it hurt like hell because he doesn’t wanna worry her. if you were in an emergency or got hurt, he’d go into sexy doctor mode. “tell me where it hurts.” squeezing your hand to reassure you, “i got you.” also kissies where it hurts 🥺 and he’s such a good listener too wow we have no choice but to simp.

F- Free Spot (I’ll give you any headcanon I come up with)

-- i’m just gonna share one head canon that virgo anon tossed at me that really made me 🥺 baby nate 🥺 and how when he was younger he was always a nice boy 🥺 but wasnt the popular or “hot” one until he grew into himself in college 🥺 when he got maxie and it helped him manage his stress enough to be able to make connections 🥺y’all when she said that it made me heart 🥺 my sweet boy

G- Gifts (What kind of gifts do they give? What kind of gifts do they get?)

-- i think his gifts are rarely “over the top” but !! they’re simple and personalized!!! like a lil necklace w his initials / name 🥺or maybe he has someone make a picture of you two into an animation? like have someone draw you guys (do u know what im talking about?) as far as gifts for him, he enjoys like “interactive gifts” like sending him on a lil scavenger hunt (nate loves setting them up for you too 🥺) but if you set one up for HIM? god! he’d love you!

H- Hugs (How do they show affection/cuddle)

-- nate loves! loves! to give forehead kissies (not just because he’s tall fjhsjh) and being hugged (or picked up) in his strong arms!! loves it!! he loves being the big spoon 🥺i love him. 

I- Irritation (What is something that irritates them? How do they show their irritation?)

-- that reader continues to choose duncan over him fkjsvsfkv he wears his heart on his sleeve so i think when nate is upset or irritated... you know. 

J- Jackpot (How would they spend their winnings if they won the lottery?)

-- does nate have more $ than the shepherds? debatable. but he isn’t as... flashy w his money as duncan is. he’s a little more down to earth if that makes sense. BUT thats besides the point. he’d probably donate a lot to a charity of his choice than take you on a little get away. maybe a cross country road trip 🥺 or off to an island getaway. he’s flexible. 

K- Kryptonite (What is their ultimate weakness?)

-- virgo anon made me 🥺when we were talking about this bc nate would do anything for the people he loves and 🥺that gets him hurt. especially when he feels like those people dont love him in the way he does them 🥺

L- Laughter (What makes them laugh?)

-- clown!! nate is the guy that always keeps you laughing 🥺and most times he cant even contain his own laughter omg i will cry im in love with one man

M- Morning ( How do they wake up in the morning? Are they a morning person or a morning grouch?)

-- he’s a morning person 🥺 likes to start off his morning with a run and protein shake SMH fitness KING. 

N- Needy (When do they feel particularly needy? How do they show it?)

-- he’s so used to being the one who’s needed 🥺 it takes him a while to be comfy being vulnerable and needy. idk if there’s anything in particular that sets him off to be like this - but i’d like to think it happens at random. like youre on the couch and he just nuzzles his face on your tummy for you to pet his hair. he demonstrates it by wanting to be close to you 🥺

O- Oasis (Where is their happy place? Where would they go if they didn’t have anything holding them back?)

-- i think he’d be the kinda guy that enjoys the sun (not just bc he looks hot, shirtless on a beach) but yes. somewhere nice and sunny where he could have maxie w him 🥺if he could stay on the beach where he started falling for dumb!reader (with her) for ever he would 🥺

P- Pain (How do they handle pain? How do they handle when you are in pain?)

-- emotional or physical? jfgksjdgsdk but no i think if he’s well regulated, he can handle pain well - it’s when he’s not that it’s a problem (w emotional pain) he stops taking care of himself the way he should and really spirals into his head a lot you know 🥺i think he can handle others being in pain better than himself bc he loves a lot and its easier to focus his attention on trying to fix things for them (like we said his biggest weakness is doing too much for those he loves)

Q- Quote (What’s a quote that fits them and your relationship)

-- “loving is easy” fjskfsf not to be too corny but 🥺being w nate was easy... always on the same page.. and made her feel good. 🥺

R- Reunion (How do they celebrate seeing you after a long time of being apart)

-- lots!!! of kissies!! picking you up!! holding you close!!! physical touch is pretty high on his love language list i think 🥺(i think quality time or acts of service might be his top two though) 

S- Stress (What stresses them out? How do deal with stress and how do they relieve it?)

-- i generally think duncan is more of a control freak than nate, but i do think to some extent, they’re similar that when things feel out of their control, it really stresses them out. i think it manifests at different times. i think for duncan its more trivial things whereas w nate, if he feels like he could be doing something to “fix” something and he cant do anything it freaks him out. hes a healer, you know. i think working out is a big stress reliever for him 🥺my strong baby!! that and goofing off w reader 🥺

T- Terror (What are they afraid of?)

-- this kinda ties into his weakness (and could be amplified by his younger years) but he’s afraid of not really being enough for those he loves. especially if he was teased as a kid 🥺maybe thats why in a lot of his nightmares the theme of abandonment appears a lot 🥺i made myself SAD 🥺

U- Unique (What is a quirk that is unique to them?)

-- i asked virgo anon for help on this one 🥺and i love her so much 🥺 nate tugs on his hair when he’s nervous 🥺 he gets a lil annoyed after he buzzes it off and doesnt have much to pull on 🥺he likes to hold hands when spooning. loves to sing along to disney movies (but lets be honest, he’s the real prince KING)

V- Violence (Do they fight a lot? Are they a good fighter? What is their fighting style?)

-- well... idk if it’s fair to say he fights a lot because he tries not to resort to that - especially grad school nate. mostly because he knows he’s good at fighting. omfg... boxer!nate.... may have all my rights. and he doesn’t really wanna hurt anyone. BUT if needed!!! he will throw down. (ex. when dunc wouldnt let y/n leave the house. and then attacked him!! nate had to stand his ground 😌

W- Wow (What do you do that really surprises them? What do you do that they really like?)

-- idk i think nate was probably really surprised when reader gave him that second chance at friendship in the bathroom 🥺didnt think she would. on a lighter note, surprising him w fresh cooked meals always make him 🥺because... he’s trying but hasnt mastered the cooking thing yet.

X- (Explicit headcanon. For all you degenerates)

-- he’s uhh packing 😳and it hits all the right spots, you know 😳omfg and lets not forget the dickscussion we had about his head game being stronger than duncans 😌

Y- Yucky (Is there something that grosses them out so badly that they can’t deal with it?)

-- i wasnt sure what really grossed out medical professionals (if anything djsfs) but we kinda head canon for him to be into family / pediatric medicine so anything w LOTS of blood loss probably freaks him out 

Z- ZZZ’s (What are their sleeping habits? Both with and without you)

-- my baby. nate has really bad night terrors especially on bad(tm) days. it usually helps to have someone w him to be able to keep him calm when he wakes up 🥺if its not y/n you can bet maxie will be there for tons of kissies. he’s a sleep talker 🥺and when sleeping w you he loves being big spoon 🥺and when he’s alone, he kinda sleeps curled up and w a lot of pillows. comfort KING

[roswelldetails]

RNM 2x08 - Say It Ain't So

EPISODE SUMMARY:

JAMIE CLAYTON GUEST STARS — Despite promising Liz (Jeanine Mason) that he’ll take things easy with his new heart, Max (Nathan Dean) sets out to find Cameron after learning that she’s gone missing. Michael (Michael Vlamis) grows concerned about Maria (Heather Hemmens) after a surprising discovery about her family history leaves her vulnerable. Elsewhere, ready to move on, Alex (Tyler Blackburn) goes on a date with Forrest (guest star Christian Antidormi), and Rosa (Amber Midthunder) makes a decision about her future. Rachel Raimist directed the episode written by Eva McKenna & Christopher Hollier (#208). Original airdate 5/4/2020. 

DETAILS:

Rosa's secret identity:

"...Cousin Rosalinda from Arizona. My mom married a minor league baseball player, but when he got relocated to a team in Florida…"

"Okay, you know what, let's just go with, they're dead."

This is a Twilight reference.

Rosa about the Mean Girl's art in the cave:

"That reminds me of Stephen Powers before he sold out."

Stephen Powers is a former street artist who went commercial. Some examples of his older work here:

Other examples of his newer, more commercial work here:

By the way, speaking of the cave:

And this is some fabulous visual storytelling right here:

Max is working at the Wild Pony. Temporarily, of course.

"Turns out debt collectors don't care if you've been half dead in a glowing pod for a few months."

So much for the headcanon that Max "I've been driving the same car since high school and am a homeowner before 30" Evans is good with his money. 😆 Debt collectors don't show up that fast… not that I know from experience or anything.  😳 *backs slowly away*

Iris refers to the cave as the go to hang spot for all the artsy weirdos. So it isn't like it was specifically Rosa's cave/hidden spot.

It's the first time we've seen this particular cave other than in 2008 flashbacks.

Iris Sanchez & Rosa Ortecho. Flower, Mexican family name. 😭 The hint is there!

Also 👀 from:

The iris earned its name from the ancient Greek Goddess Iris, a messenger to the gods who was thought to use the rainbow as a bridge between heaven and earth...these flowers were named to honor the Rainbow Goddess and bring favor upon the earth.

Mimi made Maria take back the necklace.

"She said that it was too late for her and that I needed it more."

Michael has seen the necklace before, but he didn't know what the flower was when he fixed the clasp and returned it to her in 1x10.  It was 1x11 when they learned of the existence of the anti alien pollen. Michael reminds us:

"I know this flower.  Its pollen has a paralytic effect on alien abilities."

Once Maria takes it off, she can name every card Michael pulls from the deck.

Maria lists off a bunch of necklace facts from past episodes that fandom has previously noted...

Her powers were heightened when Michael had the necklace in 1x10. 

She wasn't wearing it when Noah invaded her at the gala.

And she wasn't wearing it at Woman As Warrior in 2x02 when she sensed that Isobel was pregnant.

"Kyle said you aren't an alien."

Fact. Kyle did say that.  It doesn't mean that it's a fact that Maria doesn't have alien DNA in her though.

Kyle determined that her blood doesn't carry the alien protein that's in the Pod Squad and Rosa. He is making an assumption that the protein is tied to being an alien.

He said he ran other tests, but the results would take longer to come in. 

Also, just a personal theory, what else do Rosa and the Pod Squad (and Noah) all have in common? They all spent significant time marinating in a pod full of goo. Rosa (10 years), Pod Squad (at least 50 years), Noah (60 years). Kyle has not studied any samples of alien biology from an alien who didn't spend time in pod goo. It's possible the protein is related to the pod goo, moreso than the alien biology. Again, just speculation on my part.

Maria confirms that her mom started getting sick when she was 18, just after she passed the necklace on to Maria.

"If this prevents you from having more episodes, it probably stops the neurodegeneration process too. It's not kryptonite, Maria. This is preventative medicine. Keep it on."

In 2x06 it was established that in addition to Sanders' place being a junkyard and a mechanic/auto shop, they also do tow truck service.  Now that comes into play again as Michael was hired to bring Cam's car back to Roswell for the investigation into her disappearance.  He brought it to the junk yard first though to give Max and Liz an hour to check the car for clues before the sheriff's department comes to collect it.

Max is smart too, in his own way. He quickly identified that "Agent Powell" was driving a rental car and that her gun wasn't government issue. 

However, it's only when he sees her tattoo (which Cam told him about in 1x07) that he confirms that she's actually Charlie Cameron!

(10 points to fandom!)

Max & Liz's conversation with Charlie is mostly just reminding us what we know about Charlie and Jenna's relationship. 

Liz indicates that Jenna had been looking for Charlie for months.  Charlie responds that she didn't want to be found (both things we learned in 2x04 through Cam's discussion with Jesse Manes.

Max indicates that Jenna thought that Charlie hated her, a call back to us first learning about Charlie and the matching tattoos in 1x07.

"I worked on a controversial project a while back. A lot of dangerous people want to know what I know."

(Again, stuff we learned in 2x04).

They learn through Cam's text history that she was looking for Jesse Manes (which we already knew, because...2x04).

"I'm just a guy standing in front of a tourist trap asking a history buff to shoot him with high velocity paint."

Tongue-in-cheek reference to the movie Notting Hill.

"So, you're cool playing war? Doesn't bring anything up?"

"Oh, yeah, my PTSD triggers are a little more complicated. Suffice to say, this war zone is the only place that my family actually got along when I was a kid."

"Yeah, some of my old platoon buddies actually play in leagues."

"I didn't know that you served."

"Yeah I wouldn't go bragging about it to a guy with a Purple Heart. I might have googled you."

New information… both that Forrest served, that he looked into Alex (which could be innocent OR sketchy…).

And of course this is the first open discussion about Alex's PTSD issues.

Cowboys versus aliens paintball… Alex is the cowboy, so Forrest must be the alien.

The call that interrupted Forrest's attempt to kiss Alex was from the hospital. Hence why Alex goes there to see Jesse.

"Look, if I had a little lucky charm that could stop people like Noah from messing with me, I would have that surgically implanted into my décolletage."

Have to admit, I wasn't sure what décolletage meant, so in case anyone else isn't familiar: 

"These abilities are a part of me. I'm not gonna just throw away the chance to learn about who I am. That make sense to you?"

"Yeah, actually, it does."

"You've gotten stronger this year, right?  Can you teach me to train? Learn how to control it all?"

"Look, it took a lot of practice before I could do anything without puking and guzzling acetone to kill the pain.  And you can't practice, because according to Kyle, every time you do it eats your brain."

"Look, I'll stop before it goes that far, okay? I know the signs. Besides, if you help me, maybe I can help you. There must be something that you want to know about your future."

"What about my past?"

Max meeting with Jesse at the Crashdown. This is super interesting because it's the first time Max has sat down, face to face, with a hostile human who knows he's an alien. 

"My uncle used to bring me here. That was back when it catered to a more civil clientele. People who actually respected the history of this town."

This is likely foreshadowing what's to come next week, based on the promo pics released.

Again, similar to the scene with Charlie at the junkyard, much of this exchange between Max and Jesse is just reminding us of stuff we learned in 1x04.

"The last time I saw her she came to me with questions about her sister.  And I told her that the people most interested in Charlie's device were a black ops group based out of Los Alamos. They're called Deep Sky. This is their logo. Paramilitary. And I told Jenna that what she was getting into was gonna be dangerous. But apparently she didn't listen.

Note: in case any of you are unaware, in Los Alamos there's a US DOE lab that has a long, sketchy history of weapons development.  Makes perfect since that it's where a paramilitary organization interested in Charlie's research would be based there.

The Deep Sky Logo

I compared this to a number of screenshots of alien symbols (like the ones we saw in Jim Valenti's letters in 1x12) and there were no matches.

However, fandom has already noted that the logo matches Trevor's ring in 2x06 (see that episode's details post for the photo).

"Charlie Cameron's mind is a unique specimen. Kind of like you. And there's always someone in the shadows waiting to crack those open."

"What did you do to Jenna?"

"I told her the truth. Which is more than you ever did. You're kind of a wolf in sheep's clothing, aren't you?"

"And what are you? Do you feel like a hero? All those people you tortured, all those people you killed. Turns out none of them were an enemy.  They were refugees. So you're not just a murderer, you're a failure."

"Yeah, I know. I am. But I tell you, something shifted in my brain when I had the stroke.  All the hate's gone out of me. All the fight. Caulfield is over and my son Flint has been reassigned. Look at me. I can barely walk."

Liz and Charlie in the car:

"Waitressing's really got to blow when you've grown a fully functioning heart muscle in a lab.  Or are you not the same Elizabeth Ortecho who co-authored a 2013 paper on cellular reprogramming? Some people build model trains; I do my homework.  Your boyfriend seems more like the train type."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"We've discovered new worlds and changed the course of mankind from a microscope. Should I go Netflix and chill with my boyfriend or stay in the lab, architecting the future?"

"No offense, but if it's true that you've been in prison and in hiding, it does not seem like you've seen much of the inside of a lab either."

"I went too far.  I thought I was building something with real value. The thing is, anything that has the potential to create real change, it scares people. And anything that scares people is inherently dangerous no matter what your intention is."

"You could start over. Get a new identity, work at a research university."

"I've done extraordinary things. Everything ordinary is ruined now."

More exposition that we already know as Max catches Charlie and Liz up on what he learns from Jesse.

"He said Cam is headed to Los Alamos to investigate a group called Deep Sky. Does that mean anything to you?"

"No. Let me reach out to some of my military contacts, do some recon. Give me a day, we'll go from there."

Liz and Michael, in the lab, on The Science:

"I'm looking for the sample of yellow pollen."

"The stuff I swept off the floor after throwing it at Noah? I don't know. I didn't see it while we were packing up."

"Well it was here a few months back.  Did I miss an experiment where it grew legs and a fondness for the outdoors?"

"Could have been accidentally thrown away. Sample was too oxidized to be of much use, and I've been trying to get my hands on fresh flowers, but it's impossible. I think they might be extinct. Why are you freaking out?"

"Because I have a math problem. There's only one flower in Maria's necklace, but there are two DeLuca women and apparently the flower is the key to preventing their illness. This is everything from the Caulfield drives and the experiments done on Maria's grandmother. A lot of it was lost in a lab fire in the '80s, but…"

"I'll take a look."

(Aside… 👀 Lab fire in the '80s. I have a feeling that's more foreshadowing.)

"I just want you to see if anything done could be undone. I don't want you to, like, Dr. Frankenstein it. The experiments were very bad."

"My days as an alien scientist are officially over."

"Why don't I believe you?"

"'Cause it's hard not to think about the far-reaching implications of this kind of research. You don't get sick on this planet. If I could figure out why, I could eradicate all illness."

"But you can't. Because that would expose us."

"Which I would obviously never do. It's over."

Arturo's text to Liz:

Have you seen our little mouse?

"Rosalinda" is late for her first shift.

Isobel and Maria go to Michael's trailer and Isobel shows Maria the newspaper clip of Michael's mom to try to trigger a vision.

"It's not working. And I don't feel great going through this stuff without Michael knowing."

"Why not? One day this palace might all be yours."

"It's not working.  I have a business to run, and you need to go Instagram something."

"Says the social media revitalizer. Listen, word to the wise, every time Max saw Liz in a skirt and tried not to pop a bulb, he wound up setting off a fire alarm. Everytime I push myself too hard, I miss time, or wind up accidentally realizing that my mom still thinks about her ex-boyfriend Rocco, like, in vivid detail."

"Okay, where are you going with this?"

"Effort doesn't equal control. So if you want to do this you're gonna have to embrace your inner ice queen and let it go."

"I'm not great at letting things go."

"Yeah, I know.  That's hard…"

Maria's vision:

Triggered by a t-shirt hanging in the trailer.

Louise is hanging laundry

Walt runs up to her and gives her a little windmill with her name on it. (Initially I thought her name was pressed or punched into the metal, but on second viewing, it looks like it might be puff paint or something similar.)

Walt runs off to find Nora and Louise goes back to hanging laundry.

After the vision Maria's nose starts bleeding.

Max goes after Charlie to stop her from turning herself in.

I wonder if his tire screeching action guy driving is supposed to be emphasizing to the audience that he's not being as cautious as he should be? 

Deep Sky said that if Charlie "...wasn't at Sutter's grain depot by 11pm, that they would torture (Cam) to death."

Charlie heard on the call:

A train rolling by

A demonic laugh

And somehow that's enough for Max to magically know exactly where Cam is.

Alex and Jesse at the hospital:

"Hey, they said that you mixed whiskey with your medications.  That's not like you."

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I don't know. I mean, you're my father. I can't seem to shake you."

"Yeah. I failed."

"Yes. But in what way specifically?"

"Uncle Tripp. I let him down. I never could figure out what he needed of me. And tonight I went to the bunker.  And I keep trying to crack the code."

"Liz said that you spoke to Max Evans. She said that you were half decent to him. Is that what this is about?"

"One of them killed Tripp, you know."

"An alien? Yeah. Then he hunted them. He dragged them to a torture chamber. I'm not surprised one of them…" 

Jesse slams his cane.

"He was the best man I ever knew.

Jesse tries to stand and falls into Alex, then continues to walk away.

The location that Deep Sky is holding Cam looks like a rodeo or horse arena or racetrack with a big grandstand.

There are nearby train tracks, and a warehouse where a mechanic repairs old carnival rides.

As Max and Charlie are scoping out the area you can hear both sounds softly in the background.

The sniper was watching and shooting at them from the grandstand.

Charlie is shot in the leg.

"Let me go get her."

"No. Deep Sky wants me alive. Your brain is worth considerably less to them which means it'll be splattered all over the dirt."

(Oh the irony...confirming that Charlie doesn't know that Max is an alien.)

"If anything goes wrong, call Liz. No doctors."

Max does shoot the sniper!

And then uses his powers to knock out the power (and instantly feeling it in his heart when he starts to use his powers!!!!!!) which, as @angsty-aliens very eloquently pointed out, is absurd because there was a big red lever that would have done the same thing. *facepalm*

Cam on her kidnapping:

"The last thing I remember is this weird sound. It made the hairs on my arm stand up. And this bright light, and the pain in the back of my neck like you wouldn't believe."

Cam's burn is fractals.  Like Liz's burn from Max's powers in 1x03. Top is Liz's fresh burn in 1x03, bottom is Cam's not-so-fresh burn in 2x08. Keep in mind, we don't know how long Cam was missing for.

Rosa and Iris at the "art show".

"So you said you're from Roswell?"

"Oh, I was from Roswell.  I got out and went to art school as soon as I graduated. I work for an artist now. I help her run her gallery. Yeah, I used to want to be a painter, but then I realized I loved curating art way more than I ever loved making it."

👀 I wonder what this says about Rosa's internal motivation. If Iris is the life she wishes that she had, does she not want to be a painter? Or is that her internal insecurity rearing its head.  Like, she can't even dream about that possibility because it's what she really wants above all else.  Which is why Iris then motivates her to paint and prove to her inner self that she is an artist? 

Speaking of which, here's Rosa's painting from the episode. Mucho gracias to @rosaortecho for giffing it for me since it wasn't cap-able in a single shot.

Iris's assessment of Rosa's art:

"This piece is you outrunning your demons. This is amazing. That's what you have to do.  You have to capture them and rattle the cage.  This is art. This is what you're meant to do, Rosa!"

Rosa's hallucination starts to fall apart as they dance.  She starts coughing and having trouble breathing.

"Your star sign's just out of whack."

Play on lyrics from God of Wine by Third Eye Blind, which was heavily referenced in 1x02. 

The direct quote is "your star sign's out of whack" and the next lyric is "a fraudulent zodiac"

Which, of course, is what Rosa had written on her hand before she died in 2008 and is a reference to Ophiuchus, which was Noah's zodiac obsession.

And then Liz finds her overdosing in the cave. 

The coughing in Rosa's hallucination was from smoke inhalation.  Because while passed out she started a fire with her powers.

Feels like a good time to point out that it's the same cave that she died in back in 2008, and she would have died there again if Liz hadn't found her. 😭

At the hospital Rosa tells Liz that she wants to go to rehab, but she knows she can't since she can't control her powers. 

Liz gives her Maria's necklace to borrow since it will suppress her powers and allow her to go to rehab.

Alex and Forrest at the Wild Pony:

"I still have my dad's voice in my head telling me that being seen with a man in public is an embarrassment. To my name and my uniform."

"Well, there's nothing like a dad voice to mess up a perfectly good date."

"It's also just that...I mean, Roswell's so conservative. This bar is filled with cowboys. If you want to go someplace private…"

"Look, I like you. But I don't want to climb into somebody else's closet."

"I cannot tell you how badly I want to be done with this frickin' closet."

"But you're not. And that's okay. Really. Listen, if that voice in your head ever shuts up, give me a call. Because between you and me, making out with a hot guy in public is only made hotter when it pisses off all the bigots and homophobes."

Charlie took off and left a note for Jenna. According to Jenna it says she's gonna disappear again and not to look for her.

Arturo is taking Rosa to a rehab center that Kyle set her up with "a few hours away".

Max tells Liz "let's go home." So… did she move in with him??

Liz says no though.  She says she has to open the diner and cry alone.  But instead she goes to the secret lab.  

Both Max and Liz were evading the truth a little bit here.  Liz didn't tell Max that she wanted to go to the secret lab.  Max didn't tell Liz that his heart did wonk out after using his powers and he did overdo it going after Cam. Bad Echo!!

Liz goes back to packing the secret lab up initially, but then her eyes fall into the Caulfield folders, and she stops. 

She unpacks her stolen equipment (genetic sequencer?), puts on her lab coat, and sits down to start reading the file.

Isobel brings Michael beer as a peace offering, since she's coming to admit that she helped Maria trigger a vision.  She thinks Michael will be mad, but he isn't because he and Maria already worked it out.

So Isobel tells him about the vision and seeing Louise, and specifically about Walt giving Louise the windmill. 

Michael immediately reacts, goes to a shelf, and grabs a similar windmill.

Turns out Walt is Sanders.  He pulls up in his car and Michael immediately confronts Sanders.

"It was you. You're Walt. You're the little boy in the photo.  You knew my mother."

And Sanders nods.

10 more points to fandom.

Max goes to Charlie's hotel to confront her about turning herself in to Deep Sky.

The windmill in both scenes. Until I put this together I didn't think they were the same one (because Louise's name isn't on Michael's. But other details (like the word weight on one of the legs) are the same.

"You think Deep Sky needs to have Jenna by the throat to kill her? Okay, the only way that I can protect her is from the inside."

Then the "abduction scene" happens.

It mirrors what happened to Jenna in 2x04, only to Max and Charlie.

MUSIC:

1.  Hole "Celebrity Skin"

2.  Lukas Nelson & Promise Of The Real "Die Alone"

3.  Shelly Fairchild "Worry No More"

4.  Marc Danzeisen "Some Things Last Forever"

5.  Joey Sykes "Sign Of The Times"

6.  I AM ORFA "Like That Look"

7.  Danny Ayer "Set Us Free"

8.  Hamish Anderson "Trouble"

9.  OMC "How Bizarre"

10.  Muscadine Bloodline "Movin' On"

11.  Little May "Hide"

[aj-the-satyr]

All the Questions......

So Tag games...... Used to do ‘em a lot then kinda fell off writing for a while and then it got quiet. Well now I got tagged in 3 of those 11/11/11 things. You know the ones answer 11 questions, ask 11 more to the 11 people you tag. Well I’m not going to tag anyone other than the 3 people asking @writersblockandapotoftea @carrotgirl-1 and @rosewinterborn and say thankyou for doing so. So here goes..... the goat tries to get through all 33 questions.

1) Do you hide any secrets in your books that only a few people will find?

Hmm.... I suppose that I have a habit of making the names of both things and characters have deeper meanings. Like Grigory Zmeya, his last name means snake and he is a snake shifter type person. So stuff like that.

2) If you could ask one successful author three questions about their writing, writing process or books what would they be?

Not sure about this. I’ve read interviews with many authors where they have dispensed their advice and advice is not a one size fits all thing but I would lie to ask more personal things like favorite characters, Least favorite scene to write and most surprising side character. Stuff like that.

3) Do you have a library membership?

Nope.

4) Ebooks, yay or nay?

Used them and they are fine but I am the old school like to have the physical book in my hands kinda goat.

5) What feeling do you want your readers to get from what you write?

Wow, deep question. Enjoyment? Other than that I’d like them to have feelings for different characters, to pick favorites, to hate some and love some. I suppose I’d like my characters to be memorable but I will settle for the “That was Good” feeling after reading, even if nothing gets carried with them.

6) What time of day are you most productive?

Considering how many times I’ve written my snippets after 10pm and into the wee hours of the morning, I’d say then.

7) What is your writing Kryptonite?

Myself really. There are times I just get conflicted about my writing and rather than just let it flow and let the characters lead I will find myself deleting things and starting over many times. I’m trying to do that less but it’s hard sometimes to just let go and see what happens at the keyboard.

8) Which scenes are your favorite to write?

Huh....... I’m a dialogue heavy writer trying to get more description into my scenes so I favor just talking but am trying to change that a little.

9) What comes first in your development/outlining process plot or characters?

Well considering I don’t outline anymore (Used to waaaaay back) It would have to be characters. Make the characters and pop them in a setting. Plot will happen, hopefully.

10) What is your favorite novel to film/TV adaptadion?

Comic books count right? I love the Constantine TV show. Shame it got cancelled, love the fact they brought the character back for Legends of Tomorrow and the fact he might be getting his own show again is awesome. Love Constantine.

11) Do you think yourself as more of an artist or entertainer?

Neither really. Not something I’ve ever thought about, since you are asking me to think about it...... entertainer??

Right onto the second set of questions gonna add a read more break here to avoid taking up huge chunks of Tumblr real estate and for those people that don’t really care what this old goat has to say

12) Play fuck, marry, kill with Gandalf, Aragon and Arwen.

Er........ Kill Gandalf.... no wait he’ll come back for revenge..... Kill Aragon..... man that would be hard to do..... Kill Arwen then? But I wanted to marry her.......... Man...... Kill Aragon with Gandalf’s help, fuck Gandalf as payment and then go off to marry Arwen. Problem solved.

13) If you had to set fire to a famous building, which one would you set alight?

The Vatican?

14) If you could bring someone back from the dead who would it be?

It would be Sandra, a friend I made for a brief time on the internet who I RP’d with and had a good rapport with. She died of cancer at 20 I think, it’s hard to think about. I do always remember that I talked to her through her brother in her final days and managed to make her smile, something her brother told me she hadn’t done for weeks. Crying typing this. Yeah. Fuck yeah I’d bring her back and let her live her life. Fuck Cancer.

15) Which fictional Universe would you go into?

Star Trek. No need for money, could sit at a cafe and write all day. Great.

16) Where would you go if the world ended?

Hell. Oh wait that’s not what you were asking. Er...... nowhere. No point if it’s all gone is there? I’d stay here and still be a loner. Wow..... fun goat answers.

17) What’s you alignment?

Chaotic Neutral.

18) Lovecraft or Shelly?

Er....... as much as I love Cosmic Horror Mary Shelly was one of the most badass goths there has been. Plus the whole creating the sci-fi genre as a fuck you to Lord Byron. She is amazing and doesn’t get enough respect.

19) What’s the weirdest food you have eaten?

Sea Urchin or deep fried shrimp heads not sure which I think was weirder.

20) How do you want to die?

Die? I’m immortal. Or is that immoral? One of those.

21) Who is your least favorite character to write?

Probably The Professor since he’s a homophobic bigot who killed his own son’s boyfriend (Though he claims that was merely an accidental oversight of his grander plan) since he is not a very nice character at all. Makes my skin crawl.

22) What’s your favourite fairy tale?

Can’t say that I really have one. None of them resonate anymore, neither the grimdark originals or the fluffed up modern takes. I do however enjoy the book Dragon’s Bait by VIvian Vande Velde which is about a 15yr old girl who is put out as a sacrifice to a Dragon and ends up allying with the dragon and seeking revenge.

One more set. Almost there with the goat interrogation.

23) When did you know you wanted to be a writer?

Probably in University where I started writing a little something called “Space Gerbils” and was sending it out via email to about a dozen internet friends. They were hooked, I thought it was garbage but voila! The spark ignited. Heavily got into tabletop RPGs at the same time so that probably helped my desire for storytelling.

24) What book/Book series have you always meant to read but have not yet?

The Long Earth series by Terry Pratchett and Stephen Baxter. I have a boxed set of them all but I just haven’t cracked the cover yet.

25) Who’s you favourite writer? 

Published? Either Sir Terry Pratchett or Eoin Colfer. But a special shoutout goes to @yuutfa for Caster. They are a wonderful storyteller and got many an emotion from me while I was reading an early draft.

26) What was your favourite book as a child?

It is one that sits on my shelf this very moment. It is called “Science Fantasy Stories” and is a collection of short stories that I read many times over as a child, back when I would consume a book a day almost.

27) Favorite music to work to?

Soundcloud generally has my back but it does sometimes throw up the odd track that makes me question if its algorithm has developed some sort of twisted intelligence Black Mirror style.

28) Hogwarts House?

Ah..... this question. I’ve read the books, saw a couple of the movies (Did not like the movies) and enjoyed every step of the way. I bought my first Harry Potter books when they were selling the first 3 as a set so I jumped in to see what the fuss was about. Never once have I thought about what House I would be in. Never. So Imma gonna say Slytherin.

29) Hobbies?

Writing?? Generally I play vidja games. Current faves being Monster Hunter World (PC), Endless Legend (PC) and Crash team racing nitro fueled (PS4) and I also daydream scenes with my characters in them. Trying to get back into reading regularly again.

30) Where do you draw Inspiration from?

Everywhere I guess. From random conversations to ideas had after playing games, watching TV or reading books. Sometimes I’m not sure where the inspiration comes from but I am just trying to let myself go at those moments, run with it. Who cares if The Simpsons already did it? Truly new ideas aren’t new anyway. (Except maybe for theoretical physics, that shit is bananas) I mean one of my characters basically declared themselves to be a God (At least in my head) after I read an article on Retrocausality. Inspiration can come from anywhere. Use it!

31) What do you consider your aesthetic to be?

Look I can barely spell that word you want me to have one as well?

32) Favorite mythology?

Favorite mythology of AJ the Satyr................

33) What do you think influences your work the most?

My co author?? But seriously working things out with them has been very helpful but also there’s this little writing discord that I’m part of that is really welcoming and a great source of inspiration and ideas. But all in all I think Neil Gaiman influences me the most when he answered a question about how he does it. He told the person asking that you just write everything down that happens in the first draft and then when you go back and rewrite you make it look like you knew what you were doing all along.

Right. One Goat, 33 Questions. And I won! Not tagging anyone else but I want this to get me going on these tag games. I can’t just hide in the dark corners of Tumblr anymore. I must face the light! Has @notanotherhour done this yet??

[comicgirl08]

Supergirl recap: Red Daughter tries to turn Kara into Dead Daughter

Supergirl’s penultimate episode finds our heroes embarking on different missions, all of which are presumably racing toward the same end goal in next week’s finale.

Let’s start with Lena, who’s such a boss that she bought her mother’s privately owned prison so Lillian could work on extracting Harun-El from James. To ensure her compliance, Lena poisons her and gives her a day to earn the antidote. She also slaps a baby Truth Seeker on her mother’s arm.

“Couldn’t you just waterboard me like a normal person?” Lillian asks, but she also confesses that she paid $14,000 to make Lena’s middle-school boyfriend scram and she tells her daughter that she loves her. Aww! Happy Mother’s Day!

Lena also tracks down Lockwood to let him know that President Baker, and therefore he himself, is working for Lex. Lockwood, who’s got Harun-El-induced red eyes and shedding hair, isn’t pleased by this news and goes tearing off. James and Lena follow.

Before he confronts Otis, Lockwood injects himself with more Harun-El, which is certainly a choice. Dumb-dumb Otis, tucked away in a safe house with video games and what looks like a sweet plate of donut holes, confirms that yep, they’re working toward Lex’s goals of money and world domination. “Supervillain, right, I get it,” says a disgusted Lockwood. Then Otis and Lockwood start to fight. James tries to pull them apart but is overcome by his Harun-El, and in the end, Lockwood rips out Otis’s Metallo Kryptonite heart and bolts.

Lena then helps James to the lab, where Lillian injects him with her anti-Harun-El solution. And when she suggests that Lena didn’t have the ovaries to actually poison her, Lena coolly offers her a vial and suggests, “You should drink it.”

Okay, our next group of heroes are Brainy, J’onn, and Nia, who are tasked with finding the aliens from the DEO desert facility. Brainy’s also tasked himself with telling Nia he’s in love with her because he’s a multitasker.

A unicorn keychain gives Dreamer a vision that leads them to an Amertek facility, but J’onn says Brainy’s odds for successfully Wookiee prisoner gag-ing their way in are too risky. But when he flies off to survey the scene and the young’uns spot the keychain girl, they move in on their own, with Brainy’s image inducer making him look like Lockwood.

And let me tell you, friends, what follows is an amazing 60 seconds of television as Sam Witwer delightfully channels Jesse Rath’s Brainy trying to be Lockwood. It’s *chef’s kiss* perfection. And the Children of Liberty bust them immediately, of course, because Ben Lockwood’s a lot of things, but robotic he is not.

Time for a little light torture. At first, Brainy begs them to spare Dreamer, but the harsher the treatment gets, the more affected he is. Then he starts glitching—and I use that word intentionally. As he tells his captors, he’s from a race of synthetic beings who are time and space travelers with ancestral memories. And those ancestors were very bad people: conquerers and collectors. He laughs and cries, and the lights on forehead flicker and flash.

Then he announces that they rebooted him to be more like his emotionless ancestors. “And that was a calamitous mistake,” he warns before he effortlessly takes out a roomful of guards, smoothing his hair, and collecting his Legion ring.

In a voice several shades deeper and more dispassionate than we’ve come to know, he explains to J’onn, who snuck in disguised as Eve, that Nia could be useful to his plans. He enters her cell and kneels in front of her. She’s clearly expecting that love declaration, but instead, he locks her back up and informs her that she’s to walk through the portal with the other aliens. Then she can astral project and they can liberate the camp.

Nia’s not cool with this plan, but Brainy doesn’t care. Then he performs what to my untrained eye looked like the five-point palm exploding heart technique and leaves J’onn to be captured, calculating that this doubles their odds of success.

Dreamer catches sight of Brainy turning his back on her as she’s waiting to be ushered through the portal, and dang, you thought Brainy was cold? You haven’t met Brain the Fifth.

Finally this week, we have Kara, informing Baker’s henchmen that in the U.S., we don’t just black-bag journalists. They sneer that the CatCo servers have been scrubbed, so bye-bye evidence. She easily escapes the humans, but Red Daughter gets the jump on her with the help of some Kryptonite.

As Red Daughter casually screws a silencer onto a gun, Kara, restrained with a Kryptonite chain, begs her to see that they’re the same. Red Daughter disagrees, calling Kara limited and mocking her cheerleader skirt. (She’s just jealous, Kar-Kar!)

As Red Daughter rants about the American Dream being snake oil, Kara reminds her that she’s got 15 years of Kryptonite tolerance on her and escapes out the window with only a bullet wound in the arm.

She heads to J’onn for patching up (prior to his Brainy/Amertek exploits), and she realizes that if Lex knows who she is, Alex is in danger. But J’onn says restoring Alex’s memories could destroy her mind if her sealed-off neural pathways are opened up through his psychic force. The only hope is that she remembers on her own.

Well, how convenient, then, that Alex just had a dream about Kara’s unexplained strength when they were children. Kelly, who’s casually hanging at Alex’s, suggests the adoption trauma led to adopted sister memories, but Alex says it’s the same weird feeling she had during the recent DEO security sweep. I think it’s happening tonight, friends! The remembering is upon us!

Concerned, Supergirl sneaks into the DEO to work with Alex on locating Red Daughter using a satellite scan. When Haley finds them, she immediately believes their story that Baker’s working with Lex, particularly because she has reason to believe that Lex hopes to acquire Project Claymore technology. (Apparently,pp all six of the engineers on the project recently woke up dead.)

When the tracker turns up Red Daughter, Supergirl ditches Alex and finds an apartment filled with her belongings. “Oh, Rao, she’s stalking me,” Supergirl breathes.

She’s studying a photo of Mikhail when Alex comes in, horrified that Red Daughter’s place looks like Kara’s. Alex describes her fear for Kara as feeling like a piece of her heart is out there in the world, on its own without protection. As she cries, Supergirl takes her hand, but the almost-sisterly moment is interrupted when their mother calls to say that Kara’s there with her.

Supergirl freaks and races to Eliza’s, where Red Daughter’s super judgy about all of Kara’s stuff. She insists that Lex goes by “Alex” and says she serves the collective, not individuals. Kara asks about Mikhail, which was a mistake because Red Daughter believes the Americans killed him. She unleashes the exo-suit and the pair fight, with Kara insisting, “Hope, help, and compassion for all. That’s what I stand for.” But Red Daughter refuses to listen to her warning that Lex will turn on her.

While Kara assumes they’ll be evenly matched in the powers department, Red Daughter brags that she’s “evolved” and unleashes a purple lightning punch that … knocks out the daylight, somehow? I don’t quite understand it, but it’s suddenly dark as she pummels Kara into submission just as Alex arrives on her bike.

Kara the hero, of course, refuses to submit, and as Alex watches the power show, she experiences the return of other memories: Kara roasting marshmallows with her laser eyes, making it snow indoors with her cold breath, rescuing her plane in the series premiere, reluctantly accepting Alex’s offer to save her with the memory wipe.

“Kara,” she breathes just as Red Daughter delivers a terrible blow. Alex tries to intervene, but Red Daughter knocks her down, listens to the slowing of Kara’s heart, and flies upward. Come on, did Lex not teach her the double tap? Alex remembers everything now and races over to Kara’s body, screaming, “Kara, you can’t go!” as their mother arrives. Red Daughter watches from the sky until a distant noise summons her.

Desperate, Alex tells the unmoving Kara that there’s sunlight in everything, stuffing grass into her fists and insisting, “Kara, just take it. Take the grass. Please.” Then streaks of light travel through the ground and flow toward Kara, who’s pulling the sunlight from the Earth into her body. It revives her, and her first words to Alex are, “I missed you so much.” Danvers sisters forever!

Then Haley calls Alex with bad news: She found plans for a compact Claymore that could fit into a Lexosuit. And the television gives them worse news: Kaznia invaded while everybody else was busy with all the other stuff, apparently. The president tells the nation that Kaznia was aided by the terrorist Supergirl, and Lex in a Lexosuit singlehanded thwarted their plans and killed her. As proof, the news shows a dead-looking Red Daughter in Lex’s arms.

Snaps of the cape

Questions! I’ve got ‘em! How did the Kaznian invasion slip by such that everybody’s hearing about it for the first time on TV? Who can un-reboot Brainy? Was Red Daughter’s purple lightning what brought down Lena’s plane last week? Who else instinctively screams “Wolverines!” when they see the title “Red Dawn”? Is Red Daughter really Dead Daughter? I mean, she can’t be, right? We need her “Mikhail’s still alive!” redemption arc.

Such fun acting challenges for both Witwer and Rath this week! The former nailed the “Brainy-as-Ben” vibe, and the latter gets to create a whole new approach to his character. I can’t wait to see how this storyline unfolds, but I hope it ends with a lot of groveling for forgiveness from poor Nia.

Are you ready for the finale next week? I am (give us more Lex!), and I’m not (the show’s been so fun this season!). Until then, super-friends…

[silver-tangent]

So I finally got around to watching Batman V Superman. Honest opinion? 3/5...

Get ready for a Tangent review. I have ripped in BvS before but hadn’t actually seen it. I find that to be unprofessional of any nerd philosopher. If you are going to dislike something you need to know what you’re disliking. So I watched it… and before the lovers of the film get too excited, my opinion hasn’t changed. A 3/5 for a superhero movie isn’t quite up to par. Call me stubborn but I want a 7/10 or better.

I did watch the directors cut, because that’s all I had access to, so I don’t know what was removed from the theatrical version, please keep that in mind.

So no restraint on spoilers ahead, here we go…

The movie was pretty great… until Batman fought Superman. Even before that it was falling apart, but that is the kryptonite spear that did it in.

Here’s the thing; it’s okay to establish this as an alternate universe, and get away with a lot of character changes, but if you call it “the expanded universe” and never say “this is it’s own thing, not a cinematic earth 1” you’re going to be judged like it’s earth 1.

Let’s start with Batman: ruthless, dark, and no restraint on killing. He didn’t break his golden rule “no killing with guns” but he did in his dreams. That… I guess that’s okay? But Snyder even said that he took inspiration from the original comics; “Batman DID kill people back in the day.”

Okay… I’ll get back to that at the end.

Batman then blamed Superman for the destruction during Zod, and people were divided, with Bats saying “no he’s evil.”

Superman of course confronts him during a reckless chase against Lexcorp’s smuggling operation, somehow miraculously doesn’t destroy his own tracking device when he PLOWED INTO THE TRUCK! And then Superman says “stop it” and Batman says “YOU’RE NOT MY MOM!”

This all blows up when the hearing held by the… Superman senate? Who I really thought was run by his mom… was blown up. Sabotage.

Batman has had enough, and he basically calls Superman down for a death battle….

Let’s pause here for Supes… framed for murder, and not painted in the best light towards the people but completely innocent…. and feeling terrible for all of the people that get hurt…

But here’s probably my first complaint there; in every Superman movie, Superman is super fast, and basically able to do anything… unless someone has plot armor. Seriously Plot armor is a bigger weakness to Supes than Kryptonite in this movie. He didn’t even try to outrun the bomb, he just stood there in shock, when we’ve seen that he’s faster than a speeding bullet… faster than a speeding bullet; fast enough to go “oh shit a bomb!”

Yet he doesn’t. He also doesn’t grab Lex and SHOW HIM AND THE PHOTOS TO BRUCE WITH HIS SUPER STRENGTH AND SPEED, he immediately caves.

He has super hearing too. There are so many times someone could have whispered; “it’s a trap, don’t go…”

But… the plot… it’s called Batman v Superman. They have to fight.

Well then how about Lois Lane? Well Lois Lane used to be the damsel in distress character back in the 60s, but I’m fairly certain that even pre-crisis Lois had already started to become a feminist icon. She’s tough, she’s capable, she can take care of herself, and she’s the daughter of a military general who taught her how to fight……. and while she has situational awareness in this movie, she is somehow overpowered by two hired convicts, even though she recognized the ambush and called it out… and again by a bony, early twenties Lex Luthor… Before that I forgive, the guy at the beginning had a gun and she was surrounded. You’re probably sensing a theme here, and I will get to it in my closing statement.

So finally we have Lex. Despite all of the hate that Jesse Eisenberg got as Lex, I feel like his Lex was the best performance in the movie! “But he had hair!” I hear you say, “And he was wacky and erratic, not cool and collected!” Ah but Lex Luthor used to have hair, in fact he was a redhead before his hair fell out because of kryptonite induced cancer… back in the 60s… So Lex is a difficult character. We’ve all been spoiled by Michael Rosenbaum’s Lex, and why not? He was Lex for 10 years, but we forget that Lex has been changed over 50 years. The original Lex wasn’t a misunderstood genius who thought himself a savior, he was a land owner, a mad scientist/billionaire who wanted more money. A lot of his schemes were based around land ownership, no joke… Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex is like a combination of Gene Hackman and Kevin Spacey, and in that light he was terrific! He was wacky, but always in control, he played himself as a spoiled foolish child, but he was playing the audience the whole time! But… the question is why? He completely Sherlocked the audience with a twist “I planned all of it from the beginning” moment… yet… he… why did he do this? Why did he want to see Superman and Batman fight? He didn’t know about Darkseid until the end of the movie, he wasn’t trying to prevent that. Did he just want to watch them kill each other? Did he think he was saving the world? Did he just want them both out of the way? His original plan was either to get Superman to kill Batman, or have them kill each other… but… if Superman kills Batman, then what? Will you maintain control of him? How? The point of this made no sense, and what made even less sense was initiating plan B before plan A even failed… did the ship tell him something? That’s the only explanation, but again he was already planning to frame Superman, he already HAD framed Superman once. What was the motive?

Backing up from that; here’s my biggest issue with Lex… it felt like Snyder’s solution to make Lex appear smart was to make everyone else in the movie a complete idiot. That’s a great cop-out but it’s kinda obvious. Batman was looking into Lex, but never suspected a setup? Superman was defeated by Martha being kidnapped, and Lex didn’t even have kryptonite as insurance? Lois figured him out and was damseled IMMEDIATELY? Really it felt like Snyder didn’t know how to write Lex as a genius so he settled for writing Lex as smarter than everyone else…

So we get to the moment when Superman is sent to kill Batman… and Superman says “No you need to listen.”

And Batman says, “I’m a detective and have been doing this for years, so of course I’ll hear you out, what do you have to say?” “F** you I’m Batman” and sets off booby traps…

And Superman says “No listen.”

and Batman thinks he may have some important information, still doesn’t listen, and picks a fight…

And Superman quits trying… for some reason… and batman shoots him with Kryptonite and beats the crap out of him!

Superman starts to get back up! He’s not as powerful, but that’s okay because he still has kryptonite in his system and we watch as the kryptonite wears off and he suddenly has the upper hand… and uses it to talk some sense into batman kicks batman’s ass because that’s what the title is about!

Batman shoots superman with another Kryptonite gas bomb, and superman for some reason hasn’t learned the first time and doesn’t avoid it… maybe he was still a little weak… 

But now Batman has an advantage. He’s a genius. He was testing it the first time, counting the seconds! Now he knows how long the kryptonite lasts… wait… it… it just stays permanent this time… no consistency in how long it works…

and suddenly Batman pulls a spear out of nowhere…

and then the Martha scene, and for some reason even though it’s their job to kill her, they put off killing her to try to kill Batman… because movie…

after that though, I think the last segment is pretty decent. Not the best, but not bad, just a bit forced in the writing…

So what’s my takeaway? Well… a lot of Batflek fans have argued that this Batman is the ORIGINAL Batman, and that’s great! Yet they hate Lex… the thing is that for all it’s faults, it seems like Snyder was trying to make a classic DC film; a 1960s pre-crisis Batman and Superman film but set in the 21st century… and that would be okay I guess? 

But here’s my opinion on that… Batman, Lex, and Lois all changed for a reason. Batman’s was that gun violence was frowned upon and the publishers asked to get rid of guns. Some people want to rebel against that, but this happened before Batman was 5 years old… the truth is that as a character, he developed into the modern Batman, regardless of the reason. As for Lex and Lois? Their original characters aren’t relevant to the modern world. Lex evolved to appeal to the audience and became a Julius Caesar; someone who wants the best for his people but becomes a tyrant to make it happen, and that version of Lex has become the more popular version. Lois became more capable because of the women’s rights movement, and because a damsel in distress who has to be saved every single issue was going to get stale and unmemorable. These character changes are all relevant to who the characters are, and the fact that it was ignored for this movie was in my personal opinion a bad move.

Lex was handled okay, but it’s obvious that people want Julius Caesar, not Goldfinger, and he was somewhere in between that I could appreciate, but obviously a lot of people didn’t.

This movie, for what it was, was good and enjoyable… but it wasn’t spectacular or memorable. It won’t sink the DCEU, but it didn’t do it any favors. It was just a set up for a grand entrance later down the road, and I honestly think that it would have been a better movie if they took out “Batman vs Superman”

The entire team pushed too hard to make Superman and Batman fight, and I don’t think it was necessary. In the grand scheme of things they damaged both characters by making them fight.

Batman was too stubborn. He wasn’t rational. Batman can kill, sure, and Batman can even have guns to an extent, but he was completely reckless and the only point was to make Superman not like him, and to make him jump the gun. He’s supposed to be clever and forward thinking, but instead he jumps right into things over and over, without any regard for bystanders, his own tracking devices, or what the heck Lex is up to. The fact that he tracked packages back to Lexcorp should have been a red flag that something was amiss. He should have been willing to listen. Instead he became extremely angry and irrational, and yes I recognize that he just lost Robin, but even at his most broken state, he wasn’t this reckless.

Superman gave up too easily. He gave in to Lex’s blackmail, he froze when the bomb went off, he sacrificed himself pretty quickly, and he gave up on trying to talk with Batman… why?

Those two things, even when rationalizing it as a pre-crisis based movie, just don’t fit, and really it could have been written better to come to the same conclusion. However, as the characters that they’re supposed to be, they wouldn’t have fought. It would have made more sense to blackmail Batman into killing Superman than the other way around by having Robin be captive the whole movie…

So yeah, 3/5 good action movie… about as good as any other Batman movie…

[lindseyluvsdrag]

Afterbirth Pt. 2 (final)

At around one in the afternoon, Violet stiffly sat up,  frowning when she didn't see Matt next to her. She figured that the man was downstairs so she opted for showering and doing her hair before she descended them.

Matt and Clark were nowhere to be found, but there was a note stuck to the refrigerator explaining why.

“Gone to the park, be back soon. Love, Matt and Clark,” Violet read aloud before wrinkling her nose. “The park, huh? Someone will need a bleach bath when she gets home.”

---

Clark pressed her face against the jewelry store display case. “Oooo, I like this oneeee. It's so shiny!”

Matt looked at the emerald green gem set in white gold. “Do you like that ring for Mommy or for you?”

“Me,” she said with a giggle. “It looks like kryptonite.”

“Hmm, it does look like kryptonite. But we don't want to give her kryptonite, do we?”

“Nah,” the toddler sighed as she continued to look.

“What about this one, boo?”

Clark shook her head in distaste. “Too small. Mommy likes her diamonds the way she likes her men: bi-”

Matt covered his daughter's mouth with his hand. “Hey! Where did you hear that?!”

The girl's response was muffled by his palm so he moved his hand.

“I heard Mommy say it to Aunt Naomi.”

The man groaned. “Well, don't say that, okay?”

She frowned. “Why not?”

“Because it means something bad.”

“Oh...okay,” she chirped as she turned her attention back to the rings.

“How is this one?” he asked, pointing at the simple, solitaire diamond.

“No, Daddy, no! Do you not understand what Mommy likes at all?!”

---

“P.S. we left you some breakfast in the fridge,” Violet discovered as she continued to read the note. “Aww.”

The woman opened the refrigerator and smiled. The food tray supported a plate of pancakes, bacon, eggs and a slim glass vase that held a single red rose.

“How cute.”

---

“How ugly!” Clark groaned.

“What? What's wrong with this one?” Matt asked.

“I don't like the little swirly thingssss.”

“They're called paisleys.”

Clark scoffed. “That's not a cute name and I still don't like them.”

“Okay, I'm done with you, little lady. You don't like anything and-”

Clark slammed her hands and face against the glass. “This one, Daddy,” she said as if she was in a trance. “This is it.”

Matt caught a glimpse of the ring and couldn't believe in his daughter's taste in jewelry. “That's actually really nice, Clark. Excuse me? Can we look at this ring?”

“Sure,” the jeweler responded as she unlocked  the glass display, slid it open and grabbed the ring from its case. She handed over the selected piece.

“Wow…” Matt exhaled as he examined it. “This looks like the-”

“Power gem,” he and Clark said collectively.

“It's an Alexandrite, one of the rarest of all the natural gemstones,” the employee informed. “It's famed for having the ability to change its color. From green in daylight to red under incandescent lighting.”

“Holy shit. So what color would you consider it now?”

“It's a mix of the two.”

“That's amazing. And I love how the prongs look like claws.”

“I like the Power gem,” Clark chirped.

“Same.”

“Alexandrite is very popular because it's also the June birthstone,” the jeweler added.

Clark gasped. “Mommy's birthday is in June! And mine too!”

“This couldn't be anymore perfect,” Matt admitted. “We'll take it.”

“Yayyyy,” Clark cheered. “Mommy will love it!”

“Yeah, so you have to keep this a secret, okay?”

“Okay!”

The jeweler smiled. “And how would you like to pay for this? We offer discounts on cash purchases.”

“Oh... I didn't even think about the price. How much is it?”

“A natural two carat Alexandrite surrounded by  diamonds and set in platinum will run you about $28,000.”

It was the last thing that Matt heard before he hit the floor in a loud thump after fainting. Minutes later, he awoke to the toddler sitting on his chest as she slapped his face with her tiny hands.

“Hmm?” Matt humed. “You want pancakes?”

“No, Daddy, get up! You're making a scene,” she whispered.

Matt slowly lifted his eyelids and saw Clark's vivid blue eyes staring back at him with a frown while  the frantic jeweler continued to speak into the phone.

“Oh, no it's okay. Yes. He's awake now. Thank you, bye. Sir, are you okay?”

“I think so,” he groaned. “What happened?”

“You fainted when you heard the price of Mommy's ring,” Clark informed.

“Fuck- I mean, fudge,” the man groaned as he sat up and grabbed the girl. “I can't afford that price.”

“With a cash payment, I can get you down to $22,000,” the jeweler offered.

“Yeah, because that's just so much cheaper,” he said sarcastically. “Let's go, Clark.”

The girl frowned. “But what about a ring for Mommy?”

“I'll get her something out of the quarter machine.”

“Ughhhh! Why are you being so cheat?!”

“Cheat?”

“Yes! Mommy likes nice things!”

“I know and so do you, little lady. Why do you think I'm so broke now?” He grabbed the small lapels of her blouse. “This doesn't come cheap.”

Clark rolled her eyes.

“Don't get grumpy on me.”

She folded her arms.

“We're at the mall, want a soft pretzel?”

Any trace of Grumpy Clark quickly faded away. “Yes!”

She grabbed her father's hand and skipped out of the store with him.

---

“When I originally wanted to propose to your mom, I looked everywhere before deciding to go with a custom ring. The custom ring didn't even cost $1000. How do you expect me to pay $28,000 for a ring now?”

“Because it's cute,” Clark said simply as she stuffed the cinnamon sugar coated dough into her mouth.

“Well, so am I but you don't see me being all high maintenance.”

“We could sell lemonade for the money,” the girl suggested.

“Do you know how much lemonade we'd have to sell to make $28,000?”

“A lot?”

“Yeah. It'd probably take us years.”

“I don't mind.”

“You don't?”

“Nope. If it's for you or Mommy, I'd do it.”

Matt's heart melted. “Okay, Clark. You ready to get out of here?”

Clark nodded. “I'm sure Mommy misses us.”

“If she's even awake yet,” he smugly mumbled to himself.

---

After her breakfast, Violet flung herself onto the couch with her cellphone in hand.

“Awww, that sounds like so much funnnn,” she whined. “Why couldn't I have gone on your honeymoon with youuuu? Yeah, you're right. I don't want to see either of your vaginas.”

Matt and Clark entered the home and the girl skipped over to her mother.

“Hi, sweetheart! Yeah, Clark is here…Aunt Naomi says ‘greetings from Venice’.”

“Hi, Aunt Naomi! Can I talk to her?”

“In a second. We're discussing something important. No, Naomi, I don't care if it's a surgically manufactured vagina. Perfect or not, I don't wanna see your pussy.”

Matt saw Clark wrinkle her nose as she processed the new word. The man grabbed Violet's phone and placed it to his ear.

“What th-”

“Hey, Naomi,” he greeted. “Violet will call you back,” the man said as he hung up.

“Why the hell did you do that?!” Violet demanded. “She just found good signal!”

“Clark, ears,” he ordered.

The toddler covered her ears with her hands before Matt turned his attention back to the woman. “You really need watch what you say in front of her because apparently, 'Mommy likes her dia-’” the man paused. He didn't want to reveal what they'd done that day so he swiftly reiterated. “She basically insinuated that you like big men.”

“She isn't wrong,” Violet retorted just to get under the man's skin for hanging up on her friend.

“Don't curse or say inappropriate things around her.”

“She knows better than to repeat curse words, and if she hears anything bad, oh well, she needs to learn how to censor herself and whatnot  before school starts... and...why are you looking at me like that?”

“Cause I'm not fucking playing with you,” he snarled. “Watch what you say around my daughter.”

Violet had two options. She could remind the man that Clark was her daughter too and start a big argument about it or admit that she found agressive Matt sexy and obey whatever he had to say.

“Clark, go to your room,” Violet ordered.

The second that the girl was up the stairs, Matt was prepared for a fight, so when Violet threw her arms around his neck he nearly flipped the woman over before he realized that she was kissing him.

He appreciated the gesture, but the man wasn't ready to let her off of the hook just yet. “You better watch what you say in front of my baby.”

“Okayyy, Mr. Lent. I sent her to her room because I didn't want her to see how much I love her daddy's dick,” she said as she sank to her knees.

“Noooo,” Matt whispered. “She could come back down.”

“Clark, stay in your room!”

“Yes, Mommy!”

“Alright, wai-” he got out before throwing his head back in pleasure when Violet cleaned his penis with a sanitary wipe before sliding it into her mouth.

The woman knew exactly what she was doing when she sucked in her cheeks around the man's shaft while she deep throated him. One of her hands stroked the base of his dick as the other hand massaged his balls.

“Fuckkk,” Matt moaned. He placed both of his hands on Violet's head, aiding in his pleasure as he guided her along his cock.

“Mmmm,” she hummed around him.

“Ooo,” he groaned as he attempted to make his way towards the couch.

“You know your man buns aren't allowed on my couch,” Violet reminded.

“But my knees are buckling,” he panted.

“I don't care, Matthew. Just stand here and accept the fucking blowjob.”

The man had no further complaints as Violet slipped his cock back into her mouth and did what he considered to be pure magic. And once she did that particular thing that she does when she's feeling generous, Matt knew that he wouldn't last much longer.

“Babe, I'm gonna come,” he grunted.

Violet swiftly pulled away. “Go, go, go,” she ordered.

Due to the fact that Matt wasn't allowed to finish anywhere near Violet without a condom, the man rushed into the nearest bathroom and shot his load of cum into the toilet.

“Shit.”

Violet approached from behind and kissed his neck. “I love youuuu.” She looked into the toilet and grimaced. “Eww, flush ittttt,” she squealed before rushing off.

Matt grinned. “They'll survive this. They're strong swimmers.”

“Matthewwww, stopppppp. You're going to give me cum nightmares.”

The man laughed as he flushed the toilet then exited the bathroom. “So if I asked you to swallow, you wouldn't?”

Violet frowned. “But why would you ask me to swallow if you know it freaks me outttt?”

“I’m just saying.”

She cringed. “You'd have to buy me a Birkin bag and some goddamn Giuseppes if you want that to happen.”

“I don't know what either of those things are but noted. Andddd...what if I wanted another baby?”

The woman's eyes grew wide.

“Okay, okay. I'm not saying that I do. But in an alternate universe in a hypothetical situation, if I wanted a second child, would you be willing to let that happen?”

“You mean get fat and hormonal and crazy and risk stretch marks all over again?

Matt sighed. “I'm sorry for asking.” He made his way towards the stairs.

“Matthew.”

He stopped.

“If you wanted another child... I'd gain the weight and get crazy and risk stretch marks for it...for you. I have an amazing daughter with you and um-ugh, why I am getting emotional?” she sniffled as she fanned her eyes with her hands. “I love you and in an alternate universe, in a hypothetical situation, if that's what you wanted, I'd be willing to sacrifice my thighs.”

At that moment, Matt knew that this was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He approached her and took her lips against his. “I love you.”

She smiled. “I love you too.”

Matt rubbed his forehead as several thoughts hit him at once. “I'll get started on dinner. You call Naomi and apologize to her for me again. Um, and I'll start dinner.”

“You already said that,” Violet giggled as she watched the seemingly anxious man.

“Okay, then, I'll get Clark washed up.”

“No, I'll do it. I want to scrub that park air off of her.”

“Fine, but I need to talk to her about something first.”

“Oh, yeah? About what?”

“Um...ugh.. the dangers of opting for a thirty year mortgage,” he rushed.

The woman was perplexed but decided not to question the man. “Alright, well have fun. I'll run her bath water.”

“Okay.” Matt continued to stare at Violet through lovey-dovey eyes as he blindly reached for the first stair step which he missed, causing him to nearly fall on his face. The man saved himself by gripping the railing, casually playing it off with ease while he turned back to the woman. “I love you,” he said smoothly.

Violet giggled and watched as the man rushed up the stairs without any further slip ups.

He rushed into his daughter's bedroom and noticed that the girl wore nothing but her underwear, goggles and her favorite cape as she dashed around the room.

“Clark, where are your- nevermind. I need your help getting Mommy out of the house.”

“My name isn't Clark, it's Super Clark!” she declared as she jumped from the bed to the cushioned rocking chair that was salvaged from her nursery days.

“Okay, well, Super Clark. I need you to get your mother out of the house tonight. Tell her you want to go to Auntie Rose's house with her because they have a pool.”

“But I don't want to swim right now.”

“Clark,” he groaned in exasperation.

“It’s Super Clark!”

Before the man could promise her cookies in exchange for her help, Violet called the girl for her bath. Clark grabbed her Avenger's towel from the closet and rushed into the bathroom at the same time that Matt was hit with an idea so brilliant that it made his smile curl in a way that could be comparable to the Grinch.

“Oh my God! Oh my God!” he shouted as he sprinted down the hallway.

A concerned Violet rushed out to meet him. “What's wrong?”

“I saw a spider! A huge spider!”

“Well, did you kill it?!”

“No! It got away! I swore I saw it heading towards your cleaning closet!”

The woman's eyes grew wide in horror. “Matthew! Please, go find it!”

“I will but until then, it's not safe for you and Clark to be here. You know what they say about bugs? Seeing one just means that there's 1,000 more lurking around.”

The woman's eyes began to well up. “Matthew, please, stop,” she sniveled.

“I'm just being honest, babe. It looked poisonous. You and Clark need to go to Rose's house while I hunt it down or call an exterminator or something.”

“Okay,” she practically sobbed. “Clark!”

“That's Super Clark, to you!”

“Come on, sweetheart, we have to go!” Violet quickly rushed into the bathroom and secured her daughter in towels until nothing but her eyes showed through the cloth cocoon. “We have to go,” her mother sniffled.

The man felt bad for lying and making Violet cry, but he knew that it'd all be worth it when his plan was thoroughly executed.

“It's gonna be okay, babe,” he said as he kissed her quivering lips. “I'll call you when I find it.”

Clark said something but it was muffled by her cocoon.

Matt lowered the cloth around her lips. “What'd you say?”

“I'm Super Clar-” she returned to being muffled when Matt pulled the towel back over her mouth.

“I love you so much,�� Violet declared. “Be careful.”

“I love you too. I will- oh my God, is that it?!” he shouted as he pointed.

The woman didn't even turn to look before she bolted down the stairs and out of the front door, shrieking at the top of her lungs all the while.

Matt didn't know whether to feel bad or laugh, but he didn't waste time making his way to the storage closet to retrieve all of the boxes labeled 'Christmas’.

---

When the distraught Violet arrived at Rose's house, she bathed her daughter and dressed her spare clothing that she kept there prior to telling her sister the entire situation at hand.

“Wow, that's crazy.”

“I know right,” she said as she wiped her eyes. “Matthew is so chivalrous.”

“I don't know about chi-”

“He is very chivalrous!” Violet defended. “Any man who'd risk his life against an army of a 1000 poisonous spiders is a fucking hero.”

Rose rolled her eyes as Violet continued her rant.

“He protects me. He protects Clark. He's a great father. He knows how to fuck.”

“TMI.”

“I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.”

“But does he even feel the same way? Why hasn't he proposed yet?”

“I don't know. Maybe because he's scared. But hell, I don't want to wait any longer.” Violet pushed herself off of the couch and grabbed her car keys.

“Where are you going?” Rose asked.

“To the jewelry store. I'm going to propose to him.”

---

When Violet returned Rose still couldn't believe what her sister had said before rushing out of the front door. She palmed the woman's forehead.

“Are you sick?”

“Noooo, Rose. I'm in loveeee.”

“You're delusional! Chachki women don't chase men, okay? They chase us.”

“But I wanna be marriedddd. Why can't I be married like you?”

“You can if you'd wait.”

“I can't wait seven years like you did, Rose. I love him,” she said laughing through her tears. “I need to be his wifeeee.”

Rose was convinced that her sister had finally snapped. “Do I need to call Dr. Francis?”

Violet scoffed. “No! You don't need to call our childhood therapist!” She paused and placed a finger on her chin. “Unless he does premarital counseling.”

Rose grabbed her younger sister by the shoulders and began to shake her. “Snap out of it!”

“Oh, Rose, he snaps me in and out of it all night longggg. I mean, I'm just starting to get the feeling back in my toes from last night and I may need a wheelchair soon.”

The woman groaned. “He's untrustworthy! He was married and didn't even tell you. Do you even know if he got a divorce? How do you know he didn't lie about that too?!”

Violet frowned. “You may have a point.”

“Ya think?!”

The woman pulled out her phone.

“What are you doing?”

“Calling him. I'm going to make him assure me that he's divorced.”

Rose snatched her sister's cellphone. “You can't ask him! He's the liar in this situation.”

“Then who am I supposed to ask, Rose?!”

“The wife!”

---

It wasn't hard to find Shea's cellphone number seeing as how she tagged every other Facebook post with #goingouttonight #hmu #3239876542 #bringblunts.

Violet anxiously gnawed on the inside of her cheek as she dialed the number and waited for a response.

“Thank you for calling Shea's spank bank, you jerk it, I slurp it. How may I help you?”

Violet doubled checked her phone to ensure that she'd dialed the right number.

“Hello?” Shea asked.

“Um, hello? Shea?”

“The one and only. Who is this?”

“It's Violet.”

Shea knew exactly who the woman was but she quickly decided that acknowledging that fact wouldn't be any fun. “Who?”

“Violet Chachki, Matthew’s girlfriend.”

“Violet... Violet…” Shea pondered. “The blonde? You know Matty just has so many bitches.”

The woman huffed. “No, the brunette who you were so obsessed with that you decided to print my picture on your crop top.”

“Ooooh, you! Hi, my dear, how are you?”

“I’m fine. I have a question fo-”

“You aren't going to reciprocate and ask how I am?! How rude!”

Violet rolled her eyes. “How are you, Shea?”

“I'm amazingggg. How are you?”

“I'm- you already asked me that.”

The woman laughed. “Just making sureeee.”

“I have a very direct question to ask you.”

“Yes, Violet. Yes, I will have sex with you,” she responded. “Absolutely.”

“Wha- no! Are you and Matthew still married?”

“Hmm, he didn't tell you?”

“He told me that the papers were signed but I never got a status update. Were the papers filed? I have reasonable doubt because, now that I think about it, he never celebrated the ‘official divorce’ and it's just weird.”

“Interesting. Matty is such a devious little thing, isn't he?”

“Um, I guess- wait, what? No, he's amazing and I want to marry him.”

Shea raised an eyebrow. “Is that so? How are the polygamy laws in New York?”

Violet frowned. “So, you are still married?”

“Meet me for lunch tomorrow and I'll reveal all,” she said before hanging up.

“Ugh,” Violet groaned. “This bitch is literally a psychopath.”

“What did she say?” Rose asked.

“She wants me to meet with her so that she can 'reveal all’.”

“What is there to tell?! Are they divorced or not?!”

“I don't knowww,” Violet whined.

“Well, you're definitely not meeting her by yourself. Let's find some badass outfits and meet this bitch Chachki style.”

---

“Is this the beginning...or the end?” Matt grumbled to himself as he plugged one end of the Christmas lights into another end. “Fuck!” he squealed like a teenage girl when it zapped him.

---

“Super Clark doesn't go to bed!” the toddler shouted as she dashed through her aunt's house in nothing but her underwear and flowing cape.

“Clark, get over here, now!” Violet demanded. “Put your clothes back on!”

“Never, evildoer!”

---

Matt sifted through the box of ornaments. He grabbed the purple crystal one and read the writing that was printed on the front. “Violet's first Christmas. Aww.” The man approached the tree and placed the ornament on a weak branch that sent the glass crashing to the floor when he let go. “Shit. Well...she won't notice if it's missing.”

---

“Evil...pure...evil,” Clark grumbled in a weak voice while her mother rocked her as if she was newborn again. It was a surefire way to put the girl to sleep, but only if you could catch her first. After several minutes of missing the child that was faster than a speeding bullet, Violet used the blanket as if it was a net, dropping it over the girl's head to distract her long enough to catch her daughter into her arms prior to rhythmically cradling her.

“I'm not evil,” Violet replied as she kissed the girl's cheek.

“Mm hmmm. You fight with the worst kryptonite, villain. My one...true... weakness.”

“What’s your one true weakness?”

“Bedtime,” she whispered, stifling a yawn.

Violet smiled. “Noted.”

---

Matt seductively twirled the silver garland to the music.

“Santa babyyyyyyy, I really-” he jumped when his phone began to ring. The man was swift to pause the music and answer the call when he realized that it was Violet. “I haven't found the spider, don't come home yet!”

“I wasn't planning on it,” she replied, forcing herself to hold back on asking him about his divorce. “I finally got Super Clark to go to bed.”

“Oh, damn that's like climbing Mount Everest. Super Clark is difficult.”

“Difficult but not impossible.”

“Yeah. How are you feeling?”

“I'm alright. How are you, baby?”

Matt yawned. “I'm tired but I will survive.”

“You better. I can't raise Super Clark on my own.”

“You don't have to.”

Violet smiled. “Alrighty, sleepyhead. I love you.”

“And I love you, snuggle muffin,” he said in exaggerated adoration.

The woman laughed. “Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Matt hung up the phone and pressed play on his music. “Santa babyyy, hurry down the chimney tonighttttt.”

---

“Have you spoken to Matthew about this?” Rose asked her sister as they strutted down the New York sidewalk in their nude pumps, designer jeans and chic tops: a plunging neckline for Rose and a crop top paired with a thin blazer for Violet.

“No. What good would that do?”

“None. Just making sure you didn't fold under the pressure of talking to your 'boo-bear’.”

Violet scoffed. “Never. Here it is, put your game face on.”

The sisters were purposefully fashionably late to lunch just so they could make their entrance grand. They created their own wind as they walked seemingly in slow motion towards where Shea was seated. For extra flair, Violet flipped her hair, but it was so exaggerated that the woman lost her balance and went crashing to the floor.

While she attempted to recover, Shea clapped.

“Yes!” the woman cheered in delight. “You better werkkkk, crash and burn! Can't even turnnnn!  Leave those skid marks on the runwayyyy!”

“Shut up,” Violet hissed as she dusted herself off.

“Oh, don't be like that. I'm sure they have great career opportunities for crash test dummies.”

“Hey,” Rose interjected. “Don't talk to my sister like that. We came here to get information, clearly the only thing you're good for. Now tell us, are and Matthew divorced or not?” she demanded.

“Aww, you're the sister? Yeah, I can totally see the family resemblance...except you looked more alike with that pregnancy weight on you.”

“Did this bitch really just come for me?” Rose asked Violet.

“Hey, hey, calm that shit down,” Shea replied. “Have a seat. Act like ladies.”

Rose gritted her teeth but obliged, sitting across from the woman, followed by Violet.

“Well?” Rose impatiently asked. “Are you still legally married to Matthew?”

“Are you her lawyer?”

“No, I'm her big sister and I won't let anyone hurt her. Especially not some ex of Matthew’s.”

“Are you so sure that I'm an ex, though?”

“Well if you'd answer the fucking question, we'd know!”

“You have one more time to holler at me,” Shea warned.

“Is that a threat?” Violet snarled.

“Absofuckinglutely! Nobody is going to talk to me like they're crazy and just get away with it!”

“We asked you a simple fucking question!” Violet retorted. “Answer it so we can get the fuck away from you so you don't have to be so bothered and upset!”

Shea slowly raised an eyebrow and glided a finger over her hair in a manner so sharp that the motion should've been paired with the cracking of a whip. “Do I look upset to you?” she asked nonchalantly.

“You clearly are,” Violet replied.

Shea popped her lips. “Never. Especially not by a baby mama. Oh, by the way, how is the little accident?”

Without warning, Violet threw Shea's own drink into the woman's face before lunging at her. She wasn't able to do any damage before the restaurant's manager pulled her off. Rose jumped in, swung at Shea and missed her face by several inches but Shea was swift with her blows and managed to get in two punches before they were separated by more restaurant staff.

“Don't you ever, ever in your fucking life mention my fucking daughter again!” Violet snarled as she clawed at the manager's arms in attempt to free herself. “I'll catch a charge for my baby! I'm not the one to mess with!”

“Then let's go to prison, bitch!” Shea fumed. “With your weak ass, always throwing drinks! Throw hands like a real bitch since you think you're so fucking tough! I should've beat your ass when Matty told me that you punched him! If you touch another hair on his head, you best believe that I'll stomp your ass!”

“My relationship has nothing to do with you, bitch!”

“Then why is he still hitting up my phone?! Every time he's mad at you, he calls me! Just the other day, he told me to dump my boyfriend so that we can be together again!”

Violet was bothered by the statement, but she'd never let another woman see her sweat. “Bitch you're a joke! He told that me you're just an easy piece of ass to go to because all you do is spread your legs! You're giving it up like free samples, of course he's gonna call you when he's mad at me! What man wouldn't, you fucking whore!”

The shouting match continued until the staff practically dragged Rose and Violet of the restaurant, ensuring that they were gone before releasing Shea.

“Ugh! Stupid bitch!” Violet fumed, punching the steering wheel of her car as she drove. “I can't believe she had the audacity to come for Clark!”

Rose stared at her reflection, examining her bruised eye and swollen, puffy lips. “Ugh, I'm going to have a shiner for at least two weeks. But my lips actually don't look half bad. I've always wanted to get them done and this is totally like a free trial.”

“Rose, would you shut up about your lips?! I'm having a crisis and you're not helping!”

“They look really good,” she sighed before closing the mirror. “That bitch was way out of line.”

Violet sped through traffic and burnt rubber as she pulled into her driveway. Before Rose could protest, her sister rushed out of the car and towards the house. She stormed inside and paused when she saw that the place was decked out in Christmas decor. “Matthew!”

The man dropped the icing bag that he was using to decorate the gingerbread house and rushed into the foyer. “Babe, what are you doing here?”

“What am I doing?! What are you doing in your boxers and an elf apron?! You know what? I don't even want to know. Answer this: are you and Shea officially divorced?”

Matt made a face. “Are you serious?”

“Yes!”

“Of course, I'm divorced. We've been officially divorced for over two years now. You okay? Why would you even ask me that?”

Violet exhaled in relief as she doubled over. “Ugh, how could I feed into this dumb shit?”

“What dumb shit?”

The woman snapped back up. “Nothing. Why is the house decorated like this, Matthew? It's April.”

Matt groaned. “I was trying to surprise you.”

“Surprise me with Christmas?”

The man sighed, grabbed Violet's hand and lead her into the living room. “This is exactly how the house was decorated two Christmases ago...when I wanted to propose to you.”

Violet's eyes grew wide. “I knew it! You asked for my ring size and I was so excited but you never proposed-”

“Because I overheard you wishing that Clark wasn't mine,” he reminded.

“And I've apologized for that. I didn't mean it.”

Matt smiled at the classic defense line. “So I was wondering if we could do this Christmas thing all over again?”

“Yes! I'll call all of my family over. Rose is already in the car.”

“Where's Clark?”

“At Rose's house.”

He made a face. “Why'd you leave her?”

“I had something to do,” she rushed. “I'll go get her now.”

“I'll put some clothes on.”

“Good idea,” Violet said, stealing a kiss prior to  rushing out of the front door.

Before Matt could go up the stairs, his phone began to ring. He grabbed the device and was surprised to see Shea's number flashing across the screen.

“Hello?” he answered.

“Matthew James Lent, I'm only going to say this once: unless you want her to die, keep your motherfucking baby mama in check.”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“First off, she called me asking if you and I were still married, I'm like ‘the fuck? Do you seriously not know if your man is divorced? Ask him!’ But since she called me, I decided to fuck with her, ya know? So I invited her out to lunch today and she shows up looking like a clumsy mess with her sister and they instantly start to come at me big, bold and crazy and you knowww I don't tolerate that shit. I can admit to getting bitchy and defensive and yes, I told her I'd never be threatened by someone's baby mama and I asked her how was the little accident.”

“What the hell, Shea,” Matt snapped back.

“I know, I know. I'm sorry for what I said. I love you and your baby is so beautiful, but Violet and her sister pushed too far, so I pushed back.”

“Why would she meet up with you about our divorce when- you know, she just asked me about it a few minutes ago and she didn't even mention anything about seeing you.”

“That's because she's sneaky as fuck. If she had to admit to seeing me, she'd have to admit that she didn't trust you enough to ask in the first place.”

“Wow.”

“And I'm calling you to apologize about what I said about the baby, I'd never want that to get back to you as something malicious. She's sneaky and she's a liar. After I told her that I'd beat her ass if she hit you again, she came back with 'Matt only talks to you because you're easy and if he's mad at me your legs are always open’.”

He scoffed. “You know that's not true.”

“I know it isn't but the fact that she'd just throw that in there means she's really insecure. Fix that shit, honey.”

“Pfft, I can't control how she feels, but this going back and forth, 'he said, she said’ shit is about to end.”

“Alright. Well, I love you, Matty.”

“I want to set up a meeting with both of you.”

“Ugh, I hate you, Matty.”

---

When Violet returned with her family, the woman swore that she was experiencing a Deja Vu moment from the Christmas two years ago. Matt was expressionless as he sat by the fireplace sipping his eggnog.

“Hey, baby,” she said in attempt to break the ice.

“We need to talk.”

Violet gulped. “We do?”

“Matty, these cookies are dry as fuck,” Shea complained as she rounded the corner back into living room. “Bleh.”

“What the fuck is she doing here?!”

“I'm moving in,” the other woman lied just to get under Violet's skin.

“Matthew!”

“She's not actually moving in but you really should explain to me why you went to her, asking about my divorce. Why didn't you ask me?”

“Umm... I-” she stammered until Clark rushed over.

The small child gasped as she took in all of the decor. “Daddy, did Santa come?!”

The man lifted his daughter into his arms. “He sure did, boo!”

“But it's not Christmas. There's no snow outside!”

“You've been such a good girl that he decided to come early! Look, he left you lots of presents.”

The girl squealed in excitement. “I like presents! Can I open them?”

“Sure.” Matt lowered her to the floor and she rushed over to the Christmas tree, grabbing the first sloppily wrapped gift she could get her hands on. The toddler ripped into the paper and quickly revealed the Storm Funko Pop doll. “Holy Batman! Daddy, look! It's Storm!”

“Oh, wow, that's so cool, boo!”

“Yes! I'll go put her on my shelf,” Clark informed prior to rushing out of the living room. As she did, Shea turned around away and wiped her eyes.

“What's up?” Matt asked.

The woman shook her head as she continued to fight back tears. “Nothing. Um…she’s just so cute. It makes me think of what our baby would've been like,” she sniveled.

In all the years that he'd known her, this was probably the third time that Matt had seen Shea cry. The woman wasn't easily brought to tears, so whenever she got emotional, Matt couldn't help but follow suit.

“Shea, please don't cry,” he sniffled.

“I'm not,” she said defensively. “But you don't know what it's like living with the regret of having an abortion, Matty.”

Violet was completely taken aback and surprised when she felt her own eyes begin to well up.

“I don't know how you feel, Shea but it was my baby too. And yes, it sucks, but that was the best option for us at that time.”

“Matty, I really don't want to hear that right now,” the woman sobbed as she made her way towards the front door, then out of the house completely.

He groaned. “Shea, wait.”

“Hold on, Matthew,” Violet interjected. “Let me talk to her.”

The man raised an eyebrow. “You do know that she's ready to kill you, right? After that stunt you pulled today, you really need to be careful.”

She gulped. “Um...what stunt?”

“Don't play dumb. I know that you didn't trust me enough to believe that I was divorced.”

“Well, I did, but-”

Matt grabbed the woman by the lapels of her blazers and snatched her close. “Listen to me you little nerd. I love you,” he said emphasizing each word. “Do you understand me?”

“Yes,” she practically moaned.

“I told you that I filed those papers right before Clark was born, do you remember?”

“No,” she whimpered. “I was too exhausted.”

“Well, I'm reminding you. They were submitted and finalized ninety days after that. When I told you, I guess you were too busy trying on your Manolos to care but I've been in love with you from the moment that you first kicked me out of the house and that hasn't changed. And it never will change so you just need to learn to trust me. You got that?”

“I trust you, baby. I'm just really insecure and…” The woman could hardly concentrate on what she was saying as the man stared her down with his intense blue eyes. “Just kiss me.”

Matt smirked and pressed his lips against the woman's. He pulled away and smoothed her hair. “Now be good and go fix things with Shea. Just don't tick her off,” he joked.

“Well, if anything happens again, I'll have another drink handy to throw in her face.”

“Huh? You threw a drink in her face too?! What else did I miss?”

“Maybe a little, maybe a lot,” Violet said with a shrug. “I'll be right back.”

The woman exited the house and found Shea in her car, attempting to calm herself enough before she could drive.

“Ahh... parking in front of the neighbor's house so that I wouldn't suspect my ambush. Noted,” Violet said to herself as she approached Shea's passenger side window. She knocked so the woman lowered the glass. “Can we talk?”

“Sure.” Violet opened the door and Shea held up her hand to stop her. “Do you have any weapons or glasses of Dr. Pepper on you?” she joked.

The woman laughed. “No but I might have chewing gummm.”

“Nope. Yo ass could probably use that as a weapon.”

“Well, I am MacGyver.”

Shea laughed and didn't oppose any further as the woman climbed into her car.  

“I wanted to speak to you alone because, one Matthew was going to force us to sit down anyway and two, what you just said in there really touched me.” Violet cleared her throat. “Nobody knows this but um, at sixteen, I had an abortion and sometimes I do regret it.”

“Oh God,” Shea groaned. “Isn't the regret the fucking worst? Like I get Matty saying 'oh at the time it was the best option blah blah’, but it's just different for men because they don't have to go through the feeling of having a life inside of you and then suddenly it's gone.”

“Yeah, exactly,” Violet agreed.

“At the time I got pregnant, he and I were this close to living on the streets,” Shea said as she held up the small space between her thumb and index finger. “It would've been so fucked up to have a baby when I couldn't even take care of myself, ya know? So yes, we decided that an abortion would be for the best but I just don't want to hear his man voice reminding me of it. The experience wasn't the same for him and he'll never understand.”

“I understand completely. When I got pregnant, I was sleeping around so much that I didn't even have a clue to who the father was and out of my options, I wasn't serious about any of them. I knew that finishing school would be impossible and I knew my parents would probably hate me because they'd warned me about pregnancy so much so I just couldn't go through with having the baby. I told the captain of the football team that it was his so that I could extort the money for the abortion from him. He was more than happy to give it to me. And after that, we never spoke again.”

Shea sighed as she sat back in her seat. “Men ain't shit.”

Violet shook her head.

“And sometimes I do the math and I'm like 'damn, my baby would've been eleven this year. It would've been in middle school by now and it would've been so cute’, that's why seeing you and Matty's daughter just made me so emotional. I'm really sorry for calling her an accident.”

“She was an accident,” Violet admitted through laughter. “But the most perfect accident ever.”

“You know, a lot of great inventions were discovered by accident.”

“Very true. And I'm sorry for throwing the drink in your faceee. You know, I can't really fight so I gotta distract before I attack.”

Shea laughed. “That's amazing.”

“And I'm sorry for my sister-”

“No, don't apologize for her, that's literally what any good sister would do.”

“Yeah,” Violet sighed before extending her hand. “Truce?”

Shea accepted the gesture. “Truce.”

“Let's go show Matthew that we are now the best of friends.”

They both laughed as they exited the car and made their way up the cobblestone before Violet paused.

“What's up?” Shea asked.

“I just noticed that Matthew’s car isn't in the driveway. But he's here.”

“Is it in the garage?”

“No... well, we each have our own car and then a SUV for whenever we take Clark and my niece and nephews somewhere. When I pulled up today, I parked in the garage next to the SUV but his 'second child’ is gone.”

“Oh, that's weird.”

“It is,” she said as she continued to walk. When she entered her home, the woman wasn't surprised to see her daughter with green and red frosting all over her face. “Clark, you need a bath.”

“Not now, Mommy,” she protested. “You have to open your present.”

“What present?”

“The present from Daddy,” she whispered.

“Clark, are you telling secrets?” Matt shouted from across the room.

“No, Daddy,” the girl said in her 'sweet’ voice.

“Matthew, where is your car?”

“Umm...Clark, do the thing!”

As a distraction, the girl began to dance while Matt retrieved the gift from underneath the tree.

“Wait, what? Matthew, where-”

“This is for you,” Matt said as he handed the box to Violet.

“You're acting weird. Am I sure that I want to open this?”

“Yes!” Clark urged.

“Okay, baby. I trust you.” Violet lifted the lid off of the box and gasped when she saw the blinged out hazmat suit. “Oh my God! This is so amazingggg!”

“Do you love ittttttt?” Clark squealed.

“Yes, my love!”

“Good! If Daddy and me cut this one up, we'll have sparkles too!”

“Nobody will be cutting this one up,” Violet assured as she grabbed the white plastic. When she did, a smaller box fell out of the folds of the hazmat suit and onto the floor.

Clark grabbed the box.

“What's that, baby?” her mother asked.

The girl opened the box and revealed the Alexandrite engagement ring. “Mommy, will you marry Daddy?”

Violet gasped, covering her mouth with her palm as her eyes filled with tears.

“Well, will you?” she asked impatiently. “You know you want tooooo.”

“Yes! Of course I will!”

Matt approached and grabbed the box. “I'll take it from here, Clark.” He pulled the ring out of its spot and slid it onto Violet's finger.

“Oh my God,” the woman sobbed before throwing her arms around her fiance's neck. “I love you.”

The man replied with a kiss on her head.

“I’m getting married y'all!” Violet cheered.

“It's about time,” someone shouted.

“Congratulations,” Shea softly offered.

“Let's go celebrate,” Matt growled as he threw the woman over his shoulder before rushing up the stairs.

“Waitttttttttt,” Clark whined, “I want to celebrate toooooo!” The girl's short legs didn't carry her fast enough and she ultimately tripped in the process. “Daddyyy!” she sobbed.

“Heyy, heyy,” Shea cooed as she lifted the girl into her arms. “What's wrong?”

“My parents left me,” she sniffled while she wiped her eyes.

The woman brushed the girl's wild hair off of her forehead. “Do you ever let them have Mommy and Daddy time?”

“Yes but not on Christmasss,” she groaned.

“But hey, listen. There are lots of fun people here to play with. What about me?”

“You're a stranger.”

Shea extended her hand. “My name is Shea. I've known your Daddy since we were like twelve years old.”

Clark gasped. “You're Miss Shea?! You know Stan Lee!”

The woman laughed. “Yes, that's me.”

“My Daddy told me a lotttt about you.”

“Yeah?”

She nodded and grabbed Shea's hand. “Come see my room!”

---

“So you and Shea are good now?” Matt asked as he removed his shirt.

“Yeah,” Violet said nervously as she fiddled around with the box in her purse before gathering up the courage to pull it out. “Well...I figure that at least one of us has to do it the traditional way,” she said as she sank to her knees. “Fuck, this position is vaguely familiar,” she joked before clearing her throat. “Matthew James Lent, will you marry me?”

"Wai- huh- you- I-” the man stammered out of shock. “When did you- oh my God, get up, you dork. Of course I'll marry you! What an original idea,” he teased.

Violet smiled as she popped the sleek, black ring with a red metallic lining out of the box and slid it onto the man's finger.

“I wanted something sleek with a pop of red to match your second child.” She paused. “Speaking of which, babe, where is your car?”

The man pursed his lips before he reluctantly answered. “I sold it.”

“You sold it?! Why?”

Matt grabbed the woman's left hand. “I needed money for your ring.”

Violet pouted. “You sold the Batmobile for me?”

“Of course. I'd sell my soul for you.”

“Awwww,” the woman squealed as she pulled her fiance onto to the bed where the throws of passion were swiftly in full swing.

---

“Welcome to my lair!” Clark squeaked as she pulled Shea in her room.

“Oh my God, this is better than my room.” The woman took in all the details that seemed to fit the little girl's personality perfectly. Instead of the traditional pink, Clark's canopy bed was draped in sheer blue cloth that framed her mattress which was topped with several bright pillows that read 'Boom!’ 'Pow!’ 'Splat!’ and 'Kazam!’

The room was lined with shelves that held vintage dolls and action figures that the girl had deemed sacred, but the toys that she did allow herself to play with overflowed out of the bright red chest in the corner. Her bookshelf was lined with all of her favorite comics and storybooks, but if she wanted to read the juicy stuff, she'd have to break into  Matt's man cave.

Since her wardrobe was too massive to fit into her bedroom's closet, the area had been cleared out and covered in colorful handprints by her and her father. Mostly used as a prime location to host tea parties, the space also doubled as a secret hideout from villains and dreaded naptimes.

Shea felt herself becoming emotional once again when she saw the framed photos of the girl with her parents as a newborn and through the different stages of her life up until a few months ago.

“Were you Snow White for Halloween?”

“Yes! And I gave out apples. But don't worry! They didn't have poison.”

“Good thing,” Shea chuckled. She wiped her eyes.

Clark frowned. “What's wrong?”

“Oh, nothing. Just allergies.”

The girl folded her arms. “Are you telling the truth?”

Shea turned to look at the girl. “And if I'm not?”

“You'll be in time out.”

“Yeah, well it already feels that way,” she sighed. “I'm fine. So, which superhero is your favorite?”

“Are you sad?”

“You're not going to let this go, are you?”

She giggled. “Nope.”

“I'm not sad... I'm... I don't know. I know you're not old enough to have regrets but-”

“Oh, yes I do! I regret not eating those Skittles that someone left in the bottom of the quarter candy machine.”

Shea cackled. “Fair enough.” She sunk to the floor and folded her legs as she continued to speak. “I just get a little sad when I think about how, if I would've had a baby, what they would've been like.”

“Oh...well what if you had another baby?”

“That's always an option, but there's always the 'what if’ questions.”

“Everyone always has questions.” Clark shrugged. “That's life. But you can't be sad about questions. Superheros have bad things happen to them but they never give up.”

“You're right, Clark. Thank you. You're a great listener.”

“That's what Mommy always says!” Clark rushed to her walkie talkie and pushed the button before she spoke. “Mommyyyy!” After a few seconds with no response, she shouted into

device again. “Or Daddyyyy! Are you sleeping?! It's not bedtime yet!”

“Y-Yes?” Violet panted into the walkie talkie. “What is it, Clark?”

“Miss Shea said that I'm a great listener like you do!”

“That's so awesome, baby. She's right.”

“Yeahhhh. What are you doing?”

“Um, I'm about to shower. What about you?”

“Playing with Miss Shea. Where's Daddy?”

“In the shower.”

The girl wrinkled her nose. “But yo-”

“No, no, I mean he's just using the bathroom and then when he comes out, I'll shower.”

“Good! You need privacy!”

Shea covered her mouth to conceal her laughter.

“Yes, I do, sweetheart. I will definitely wait until he leaves before I go in.”

---

“Yes! Yes!” Violet moaned out, clinging to Matt as he fucked her against the glass wall of the shower. “Right there, baby! Yes!” The hot drizzle from the shower pattered against her skin; paired with the man's deep strokes, it made for such an incredible sensation that the woman couldn't help but tremble. “Ohhhh myyyy Gooooddddd!”

“I fucking love you,” Matt grunted as he neared his climax.

“I love you too, baby. So fucking much.”

The man groaned as he came, sending his hot load of cum into the condom that lined his lover's sugar walls. Matt kissed Violet all over before turning off the shower and lowering her to the tile.

“I'm going to start dinner,” the woman said while she wrapped a towel around her head. “After I do my hair and get dressed.”

“Oh God, that'll take forever. I'll do it. What do you want to eat?”

“Whatever you feel like making, honey baby boo bear. I trust your judgement.”

“Aw, thanks, snuggle wuggle buddy. I'll be sure to make something extra delicious then.”

“Well, there's nothing more delicious than you, sugar lips. Don't go cookin’ yourself now.”

“If you wanna dip me and chocolate and call it a night, I'm down. The child can fend for herself.”

Violet laughed and gently poked the man's nose. “Sounds like a plan.”

The newly engaged couple shared a kiss before Matt exited the shower and patted himself dry prior to getting dressed. He made his way down the hall, stopping at Clark's room when he heard the toddler giggling. He pushed the ajar door all the way open to find Shea reading her latest comic to the girl.

“What's going on, ladies?”

“Miss Shea is telling me about her main super hero character! She has a fire crotch!”

Matt's expression was stunned before his parental instincts took over. “Shea, can I talk you outside for a second?”

“Uh oh,” Clark groaned. “Whenever someone is in trouble, he wants to go outsideee.”

“Now,” the man order. “Clark stay in your room.”

“Yeah,” the toddler sighed. “I know the drill.”

Matt stormed down the stairs and out the front door while Shea followed suit shortly thereafter. He made a sharp turn to face the woman.

“Why in the hell are you saying things like 'fire crotch’ to my daughter?”

“She saw one of my illustrations- that wasn't even inappropriate mind you, and she came to her own conclusion. I asked her where she got it from she said 'that’s what Mommy calls people with orange hair’. I told her that someone her age shouldn't say it so she stopped saying it right up until you came in. I'd never say anything inappropriate to your kid,” Shea spurted, growing more upset by the second. “Why would you even think that I'd do something like that?!”

“You have a wild sense of humor, Shea.”

“So do you,” she retorted.

Her tone was familiar and Matt knew that this was a lot deeper than bad words. “How do I have a wild sense of humor?”

Shea rolled her eyes and began to make her way towards her car but Matt was persistent and grabbed her arm to stop her. “Tell me how I have a wild sense of humor.”

The woman shoved him. “You're bugging because you had a baby by a woman that you barely even knew! She was a fucking one night stand and you were just so quick to have a child with her!”

“Whoa, where is this coming from?! I thought you and Violet finally liked each other!”

“My problem isn't with her, it's with you!” Before long, the woman was crying again with tears streaming down her face over the releasing of pain that she'd bottled up for the past two years. “I was pregnant, Matty. And you let me get rid of it!”

“It was a mutual decision!”

“Because we were about to be put out because of you! You! You! You! You should've stepped up to the plate, grew the fuck up and taken care of us! No woman wants to abort a baby solely because she feels like she won't be able to support it! You were my husband. You were supposed to take care of me, tell me that everything was going to be okay but no, you let me kill our baby,” she sobbed. “And now I can't even get pregnant.”

Matt hated seeing how hurt the woman was and he couldn't help but cry a little himself. “What do you mean?”

“I have been trying to start a family with my boyfriend but it's just not happening. Negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test, miscarriage after miscarriage, it's like I'm being punished for what I did. I wake up ha-hating myself sometimes,” Shea choked out before Matt pulled the weeping woman into an embrace.

“It's okay,” he sniveled into her hair. “It'll be okay.”

“But it won't though,” Shea sobbed.

“Have you tried the fertility clinic?”

“No.”

“Well, you should. Explore all of your options, babe. I'll even go with you if you want.”

The woman nodded as she wiped her eyes. “I'd like that.”

“Good. In the meantime, let's finish up Christmas.”

The duo returned inside of the house and after assuring Clark that it was okay to leave her room, the girl and Shea assisted Matt in the kitchen.

“A traditional Christmas dinner in one hour or less,” he assured them as he pulled out various items from the pantry.

Clark donned her apron and skittered around the kitchen, making a senseless mess of the flour and water her father had given her. “Bon appetit!” she cheered while she mixed her ingredients.

“How are your biscuits coming along, boo?”

“Good! Can I add more salt?”

“Sure.” The man handed his daughter the salt shaker and she quickly dumped the entire contents of the bottle into the bowl.

“What kind of biscuits are you making, Clark?” Shea asked.

“Death biscuits,” the girl replied with a hint of sinisterness in her tone.

“Oh my goodness. And who's gonna eat those death biscuits?”

“Everyoneeeee!”

“Well, I think I'll pass on the death biscuits.”

“That's okay, Daddy will eat them. Won't you, Daddy?”

“Of course, boo,” he said, flashing a grimace to Shea.

The woman smiled, and for a second, she felt as if the two of them were her husband and child. “Okay, Clark. I'll try whatever you make.”

“Yayyy! You'll love it.”

“I'm sure I will, sweetie.”

---

“Girl, we've got work to doooo. Pass me the paint and glueeee,” Violet sang as she ran the brush through her damp hair. “Perfect isn't easy, but...it's...meeeeeeee!” She plugged in the blow-dryer and turned it on full blast before she began giving herself face shots while she continued to sing, fulfilling her ‘wind in hair’ fantasy as if she was Beyoncé. “When one knows the world is watching, one does what one must! Some minor adjustments darling, not for my vanity but for humanityyyy.”

---

“Where's Mommyyyy?” Clark groaned. “I'm ready to bake my biscuits but she said I can not use the oven without her parent superstition!”

Shea laughed at the adorable misuse of the word. “I could help you, if you want. And if it's okay with Daddy.”

"Sure,” Matt mindlessly replied as he mashed the potatoes and grated cheese for the macaroni at the same time.

“Yayyy!” his daughter cheered. “Get my pan from the cabinet and preheat the oven, pleaseeeee.”

“Done and done,” Shea said as she immediately went to work. The domestic situation made her want to burst at the seams, but the woman used every second of the low rent 'I Love Lucy’ set up as practice for whenever she'd have a family of her own.

After grabbing the baking sheet, she misted it with some Pam before assisting Clark in plopping the clumps of dough onto it.

Embracing the entire Christmas theme Violet  slowly descended the stairs in her red, fur lined  robe. With every hair in its place and perfect makeup, the newly engaged woman felt like a queen. While she was in search of her king, the woman puckered her lips and floated into the kitchen like Mortician Addams.

“You do this so much better than Mommy,” she heard as she rounded the corner. “She doesn't like icky things like dough on your fingers.”

“Awe, well I don't mind,” Shea said.

“You'd make a good Mommy.”

“Awwww, thank you, sweetie,” the woman squealed as they shared a hug.

Violet scowled. “Excuse me? What's going on here?”

“We're cooking!” Clark announced.

“Oh…” She shot Shea a glare. “Well, I want to help.”

“Good!” the girl cheered. “You can help, Daddy.”

“But I want to help you.”

“Noooo. You'll be sad if you get dirty. Go set the table.”

“Really, Clark?”

“Go sit down, Mommy, we're almost finished. We'll bring you your food because you're a princess and it will be delicious!”

Violet rolled her eyes and made her way over to her fiance. “Do you hear how she's speaking to me, Matthew? She's being a brat.”

“Uh huh,” he mindlessly mumbled, staring at the caramel sauce while he stirred it.

“Well, say something to her!”

“Ssshhhhhh! Babe, please. This is a delicate process.” The man sank so that he was eye level with the pan while he continued to gently stir.

The aggravated woman turned when she heard Clark giggling. Her daughter and Shea had practically started a food fight and Violet instantly saw nothing but red.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! Clark, you know better! And Shea who the fuck do you think you are?! You're a guest in my home and this is the respect that you show?! Clark, go to your room. Shea, get out.”

“Mommy, no!” Clark protested. “We are just having fun and you are being a meanie head!”

“I said, go to your room!”

“No!”

Violet stormed over to the disobedient child,  picked her up and started to make her way to her room. Clark could do nothing but kick and scream and when her designer shoe struck her mother in the stomach, the woman retaliated by popping the girl on her bottom.

By the way she hollered, people would've thought that Clark had been snapped by a bear trap. Matt quickly rushed over to them.

“What the hell is going on?”

“Get your child before I literally kill her,” Violet fumed as she placed the wailing girl into her father's arms.

“Don't say shit like that,” the man retorted.

“She just kicked me in the stomach!”

As Clark continued to thrash, Matt sighed, carried his daughter to her room and placed her on the bed. “Clarkkkkk,” he cooed as he patted his sobbing daughter on the back. “What's wrong? Wanna tell me what happened?”

“You know what happeneddddd!” she screeched into her 'Pow!’ pillow.

“I heard your Mom's side of the story, now I want to hear yours.”

Clark continued to cry as she sat up, hyperventilating as she choked out her words. “W-We were trying to do the di-dinner and M-M-Mommy came in. Sh-She-She wanted to help bu-bu-but Miss Shea and I we-were almost finishedddd. So Mommy needed to be the princess and set the table!”

“Ssshhh, it's okay, boo. What else happened?”

“I put some dough on Miss Shea's nose and she did the same to me and said it was like a mud face lift stuff so we kept going and some hit the floor. Mommy doesn't like messes so she yelled at usssss.”

“And you yelled back?”

“Yes! Mommy was being the villain so I had to stop her but she spanked me,” Clark said with a quivering lip that made Matt want to give her all the cookies and ice cream in the world to make it all better.

“But boo, you were throwing a tantrum and kicked Mommy. That hurt her.”

“She's the villainnnn.”

“I know Mommy can seem like Poison Ivy sometimes but we have to listen to her because, well... she's Mommy. Even if you don't agree with her, you have to be good and listen to her because she loves you and wants nothing but the best for you, boo. Okay?”

“Okay,” the girl sobbed.

“Will you come down and apologize to Mommy?”

Clark nodded as she wiped her eyes.

“Can I have a hug?” Matt invited his daughter into his arms. When she climbed into them, he kissed her head and gave her a firm squeeze before carrying her towards the door.

“Wait! I need Lex Luthor.” The man stopped so that Clark could grab her stuffed bear. “I need my sidekick just in case.”

“Just in case what?”

“Mommy said she wanted to kill me. I'm always prepared for battle.”

Matt's jaw dropped. “Boo, she doesn't really want to...ugh, she owes you an apology as well.” The man carried his daughter down the stairs and into the living room where Violet sat on the sofa with her legs crossed as she sipped on her wine.

“Where is everyone?” he asked.

“I told them to leave,” Violet replied.

“But this was my party, not yours.”

“This is my house. I can do what I want. I don't need them all looking at me crazy.”

The man rolled his eyes. “Clark has something to say.”

Matt lowered his daughter to the floor and the girl hid behind her teddy bear as she spoke. “Mommy, I'm really sorry for ye-yelling and hurting you.”

“It's okay, my love,” she said as she extended her arms.

Clark slowly made her way into them. Violet kissed her head but the girl stared up at her through a frown and impatient eyes.

“What?”

“I'm waiting.”

“Waiting for what?”

“My apologies!”

Violet scoffed. “What apologies?”

“She thinks that you want to kill her because of what you said.”

“Huh? Oh, pfft, I didn't mean that and you know it.”

“I don't care if you didn't mean it or not, you don't say shi- stuff, like that to our kid! You hurt her feelings, so apologize!”

“I'm sorry, Clark,” Violet offered.

The girl smiled. “It's okay, Mommy.” She pressed both of her tiny hands against the woman's cheeks. “I love you sooo much.”

“Awww, Mommy loves you too.”

“Will you try my death biscuits?”

“Death biscuits?”

“Yes! Miss Shea helped me make them.”

Violet shot her fiance a look. “What was up with that? Playing house with your ex?”

“Oh stop it, Violet, that's not even the case and you know it. She's my oldest friend and-”

“She is so much older, isn't she? No wonder you divorced her for me.”

“What are you talking about? She's 32 like me. And I didn't divorce her for you, we'd been separated for years before I even met you. And since you turn 30 this year, you aren't that far behind in the age department.”

“Oh, fuck all the way off. I'm 28.”

Matt scowled. “Stop cursing in front of my daughter.”

“Clark, do you know that 'fuck’ is a bad word?”

“Yes,” the toddler nervously replied.

“See, she's not dumb.”

“Boo, go to your room.”

She frowned. “But I just left my roommmm. When are we going to do Christmas?”

“We'll do it after I talk to Mommy.”

“Okay,” she sighed as she slowly trekked up the stairs.

When Matt heard Clark's door close, he turned to Violet. “What the fuck is your problem? Why are you being such a bitch?”

“Oh, I'm being a bitch? Would you prefer it if Shea was here?”

“So, despite being proposed to today and proposing to me today, you're still jealous, insecure and think that I want my ex? Nice.”

“I'd never be jealous of a dry, wannabe Alicia Keys, whore who wishes she had my baby but whores can't be so lucky. She-” Violet paused when Matt stepped towards her.

“I swear to God that I want to ring your fucking neck sometimes,” he snarled.

“Are you seriously talking to your fiancee like this over some bitch?!”

“She's not just some bitch.”

“Clearly! You let her call my child all kinds of terms of endearment. 'Sweetie’ and shit.” The woman downed the remainder of wine that was in her glass.

“You're an alcoholic,” Matt said with all kinds of judgement behind his tone.

“I'm not even drunk! And I don't even drink that much- just enough to be attracted to you.”

Without another word the man turned on his heel and entered the kitchen.

“Matthew, I was joking!” She pushed herself out of her seat and over to the man who ignored her as he grabbed plates from the cabinet. “Oh my God, are you seriously butt hurt over that?”

“It's probably true,” he grumbled.

“Cut the shit, Matthew. For one, you know good and goddamn well that I don't drink that much. And secondly, you know how hot I think you are.”

“Do you think I'm hot or do you feel like you got trapped because I knocked you up and you know it's hard for someone with kids to find love?”

“Let's get one thing straight, Matthew James Lent. You're hot, but I'm way hotter. Child or not, I could get any man that I wanted.”

“Even with your stretch marks?” When Violet gasped, he laughed. “Just kidding. I'm only saying that to get under your skin... literally.”

“Matthew, that's not funnyyyy. I opened up to you and now you're using it to make fun of meeee,” she whined.

“I'm not making fun of you. I think your ripples are cute.” He stole a kiss from her pouty lips. “Go get Clark so we can eat.”

Violet made her way to the bottom of the stairs. “Clark!”

“Yes, Mommy?”

“Dinner's ready!”

As if it was the actual Christmas morning, Clark sprinted down the stairs and jumped into her mother's arms. Violet carried the girl into the dining room prior to making her way back to the kitchen, but she paused when she heard Matt's voice.

“Yeah. Oh, yeah? What time? No, that's good because Clark's dentist appointment is at 2 so that should be fine. I'll be there.”

Violet rounded the corner. “Be where?” she demanded.

Matt jumped. “Jesus, woman! You scared me.”

“You should be scared. Who are you talking to?”

“Shea.”

She folded her arms. “Why are you talking to her?”

“Because I'm a grown ass man, that's why.”

“But she was rude to me! Me! Your fiancee!”

“You just love that new title don't you?”

“Yes! And I should love the entitlement that comes with it, but you're being a jerk!”

“I’m not being a jerk. You just want to dictate my life.”

“Duh! That's what wives do!”

Matt laughed. “Alright, Violet. What do you want me to do other than stop talking to Shea because that won't happen.” The woman scowled and turned on her heel but Matt rushed after her. “Babe, I'm trying to be open and honest with you.”

“Then tell me where you're going with her tomorrow.”

“To a doctor's appointment.”

Violet made a face. “Very domestic.”

“She's my one of my best friends and she wants me there. She's the Naomi to my Violet.”

The woman sighed. “Fine, Matthew. Can we just  eat now?”

“Yeah. Shea, I gotta go. Alright, bye.”

Violet swiftly set the table and before long, the small family was feasting on a meal that was meant for all of their guests.

“This caramel cake is really good, Matthew.”

“I know it is,” he said smugly.

He pulled the woman into a kiss.

Clark covered her eyes.

“Oh, get over here, you little dork,” Violet said as she grabbed her daughter. “You want some kisses?”

“Nooo,” the girl protested. “Kisses are icky!”

Violet kissed her daughter all over her face and hair.

Clark giggled as she attempted to fend off her mother's attack. “Heyyyy, you're driving me coconuts!”

Violet laughed and returned her to her seat.

Clark grabbed her basket of biscuits. “Try one.”

“What are these?”

“My death biscuits!”

“Why are you calling them that?”

“Because it's a catchy name!”

“But that makes people not want to eat them, baby.”

“Miss Shea would've eaten some,” Clark grumbled.

Violet frowned and snatched one of the rock-like biscuits out of the basket and shoved it into her mouth. She bit into it and shrieked. “Ow! God, I think I broke my fucking tooth!”

Clark frowned. “I’m sorry, Mommy.”

Violet pushed herself out of her seat and rushed into the bathroom. “I swear to God, my goddamn teeth better be intact!”

Matt groaned internally because the woman had no idea how to fake eating their daughter's inedible concoctions like he did.

“Did I really make Mommy's teeth fall out?” Clark asked Matt with a frown.

“No,” he assured.

“Owwwwww,” Violet groaned from the bathroom.

“Maybe,” Matt reiterated. “But look on the bright side. Mommy would look good as a pirate.”

Clark giggled. “Arrr!”

Matt cackled before putting on a grimace. “I'll make ye walk the plank!”

The girl grabbed her belly as she laughed. “Oh, you're making my tummy happy.”

Violet returned to the dining room. “My fucking tooth is chipped.”

“Which one?” Matt asked.

The woman pulled back her lip and showed the man her damaged molar.

“Oh, that's not that bad. You still cute,” he assured, stealing a kiss in the process.

“Well, it's not going to stay that way. I'll take Clark to the dentist tomorrow and get it fixed then.”

“Ask them to fix your breath problem while they're at it,” Matt teased.

The woman self-consciously covered her mouth. “Does my breath stink?”

He nodded. “Like Goblin farts.”

“Goblin farts?!”

Clark laughed so hard that she snorted.

“You're such a jerk!” Violet groaned as she plopped a spoonful of potatoes on the man's head.

“Food fight!” their daughter shouted and before the woman could protest, macaroni, turkey legs and cake was being sent across the room in every direction possible.

“Have a death biscuit!” Clark shouted as she tossed one of the hard lumps that hit the wall at top speed, leaving an indentation in the plaster.

“Okay, that is where I draw the line!” Violet shouted. “Let's stop before the death biscuits really do kill someone.”

The girl pouted. “Sorry.”

Matt sighed at the abrupt end to their fun.

“Well, let's clean up,” Violet urged.

The father/daughter duo reluctantly began to pile their dishes.

“I meant us, sillies! Matthew, go get the hose!”

“Yayyyy!” Clark cheered as she rushed out of the backdoor. She was quickly greeted by Loki and Dr. Doom who began to lick the food off of her.

“What brought this on?” Matt asked. “I never thought I'd see the day that Violet Chachki encouraged messiness.”

“Violet Chachki would never encourage messiness, but Violet Lent wants to have fun with her family.”

Matt smiled and leaned in for a kiss but his lips were greeted by a handful of mashed potatoes.

“Hey!”

“Catch me if you can!” Violet said as she bolted out of the backyard.

Matt wiped his face and was swift on her heels prior to grabbing the water hose. He blasted the woman with the cold water.

“Ahhh! Clark, save me! Clark?” Violet looked around the yard but the girl was nowhere to be found. “Clark!”

The small child sprinted from behind the dog house with her Super Soaker in hand. “Eat water, evil doer!” she shouted as she shot at her father.

Violet sighed in relief. “Go, Clark, go!”

“I'll protect you, Mommy!” the girl declared as she continued to fire at her father and dodge any attacks he had with the hose.

“Rawr!” Matt growled.

“Die, monster, die!” Clark got out before abruptly stopping. “You guys should have a water wedding!”

“No way,” Violet protested.

“What about a comic book wedding?”

“Yes!” Matt agreed.

“No!”

“This is my wedding too because I asked you to marry Daddy,” Clark reminded. “If we both want comic book, you're going to lose.”

Violet scoffed. “I never lose. Especially if Daddy wants special time with me.”

Matt went to complain, but Clark intervened. “Don't fall for her kryptonite, Daddy!”

“Alright, that's enough playtime for you,” he said as he scooped the child into his arms.

“Don't become one of her minions!”

The girl was in dire need of a nap, so Violet wanted to put her future husband's family skills to the test. She leaned in to whisper in his ear. “If you can get her down in fifteen minutes, I'll swallow.”

Without another word, Matt sprinted into the house, dashed up the stairs, peeled the wet clothes off of his daughter, bathed her, put her in pajamas and popped her into bed.

“Daddy, you're like Flash!”

“I know. Now I need you to be like Flash and go to sleep faster than you've ever fallen asleep in your life.”

She frowned. “I’m not tireddd.”

“Clark, please. I have a lot riding on your nap.” Or a lot riding on me if you take the nap, he thought.

“What do I get if I go to sleep?”

“What do you want?”

“A koala bear!”

“Clark, you can not have a koala bear. They carry diseases.”

“So does Uncle Jake but I still love himmmm.”

“Hey, where'd you hear that?”

“Mommy.”

The man scoffed. “Of course. Well, she isn't wrong, but it's still not nice.”

“Please, Daddyyyy? I really want a koala!”

“If you take a nap right now, I'll discuss it with Mommy.”

“Okay!” Clark squeezed her eyes shut.

Matt kissed his daughter's head and tiptoed out of the room. He made his way down the hall and found Violet laying on her stomach across the bed, completely nude.

She looked like an oil painting and Matt couldn't control the tightening in his groin.

“Is the child asleep?” she asked.

“Yeah. Now it's your turn,” Matt growled seductively as he jumped on the bed. As Violet squealed, the man pushed her legs to her chest and quickly wrapped his mouth around her clit.

After making the woman climax twice just from his tongue and fingers, he thrusted his dick into her and made her come three more times before he neared his own climax. The man pulled out.

“Fuckkk,” he grunted as he held off his explosion while Violet reluctantly slid his cock into her mouth. She gave him a few firm sucks before he moaned and sent his hot cum into her mouth. “Open, open,” he urged as he grabbed her chin.

Violet obliged. She opened her mouth and swirled her tongue around to give the man a little show but swallowing his load.

“Fuck, babeee. That's beautiful.” He gave her a hard kiss as a thanks for fulfilling one of his fantasies.

“I want a new Birkin for that.”

“Done.”

---

Matt waited in the lobby of the fertility clinic next to his nervous ex-wife. When he saw that the woman was gnawing on what little fingernails she had left, he grabbed her hand.

“You'll be fine,” he assured.

“It's nerve wrackingggg.”

“I'll bet it is. I mean, how often does a stranger look at your genitals?”

“Sounds like my usual Tuesday night,” Shea joked.

Matt laughed and kissed the back of her hand. “You'll be fine.”

“Miss Couleé?” the nurse called.

“That's us,” she said as she stood. “I mean, me.”

“This way.”

The duo followed the woman to a sterile room and instructed Shea to replace her clothing with the paper robe she'd handed to her before the doctor could see her.

“What would your wife think of this fashion?” she asked as she modeled the generic piece of paper.

“She’d probably die, but I wouldn't get a dime because she's not my wife.”

Shea laughed. “Well, soon-to-be.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you happy?”

“I am. Like, she's just perfect. Temperamental and whiny, but the way her lip curls when she's yelling at me or the way she pouts when she admits that she's wrong or how she justs refuses to back down when she knows she's right...God, what a woman.”

“Awww, little Matty's so in love! I live.”

The man could feel his cheeks turn crimson so he gave a dismissive wave.

“Do you want more kids?”

“Yeah,” he said reluctantly. “But I don't think Violet wants anymore. At least not anytime soon.”

“Fair enough.”

“So how come you didn't ask your boyfriend to come to this?”

“Because he doesn't know that I'm trying to get pregnant. He's a singer so I'm trying to trap him, but just my luck, my fucking uterus is broken.” The expression on Matt's face made the woman cackle. “Kidding! He's on tour.”

Matt scoffed. “And he didn't take off for you?”

“He wanted to but I told him not to lose out on his money for this. This isn't the appointment that matters. However, if we do get pregnant, I want him to be at everything.”

“He better or I'll kick his ass.”

Shea smiled. “I'm glad you're here.”

“You better be, loser,” he teased.

The woman gave him a playful shove before she took her place on the paper covered cot and waited for the doctor to examine her.

“Knock, knock,” the fertility specialist said as he knocked on the door and entered the room. “Hello, Ms. Couleé?”

“Yeah, nice to meet you.”

“Mr. Couleé?”

“Oh, no. I'm just a friend,” Matt assured.

“Ooo, then the lady is single?”

Matt, clearly taken aback, made a face and responded before Shea could. “No, she's not single. Why do you think she's at a fertility clinic? She knows that she can't get pregnant because she's having sex with somebody she loves,” he fumed.

“Matty, calm down.”

“I'm calm, it was just fucking weird for him to ask that.”

“Well, I offer my sincerest apologies,” the doctor offered. “It's just my sense of humor to break the ice with my patients before I look at their genitals.”

“Aww, see Matt. He has great intentions.”

The man rolled his eyes and the doctor began his questioning. After that was over, he instructed Shea lie back and relax.

“Wow, you sure you aren't single?”

Shea laughed but Matt scowled.

“If you make over seven figures a year, I'm definitely single.”

“I'll be quiet now,” the doctor chuckled. “Well, everything down here looks like it's in good shape... really good shape.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Matt asked in disbelief. “Are we on Punk’d or What Would You Do or something because you're a goddamn joke. Make another inappropriate comment like that  and I swear I'll shove those forceps down your throat.”

“Matty, go wait in the lobby,” Shea demanded.

“And leave you alone with captain rapist? No, fucking way.”

“Whoa, Sir,” the doctor interjected. “I take that accusation very seriously.”

“As you should, you fucking pervert!”

“Matty! Go, now!”

The man crossed his arms over his chest. “I'm not going anywhere, but he has one more time to say something slick.”

The doctor nervously cleared his throat as he checked Shea's chart. “It says here that you put 'Yes’ for smoking and drinking and recreational drug use. What kind of drugs?”

“Oh, a little of everything. Besides cocaine. My sinuses are too bad to be snorting stuff.”

“Well, drinking and drug use can be a real problem when it comes to fertility.”

“Seriously? I see all of these goddamn crackheads getting pregnant like it's their part time job.”

The man shrugged. “It just depends on the person. And your body is…” he was clearly censoring himself as Matt glowered. “Your body is trying to tell you that it can't have a healthy baby under those conditions.”

“Damn. I have to give up my blunts.”

“Only for nine months,” he assured. “If that doesn't work, you can always look into...other options.”

The suggestion sounded too sexual for Matt's liking. He pushed himself out of his seat.

“But getting drug free is what you should start with,” the man stammered. “Try again with your partner. And if that doesn't work, you know where to find me.” The doctor rushed towards the exit but not before he flinched at Matt pretending to lunge at him.

Shea laughed so hard that she snorted.

“I'm glad you're amused by this. Now put your clothes on so we can leave.”

“Can we go eat ice cream?”

“Sure.”

---

“No more ice cream for youuuu,” Clark teased her mother.

“She eats more candy and junk than me! How do I have a cavity and she doesn't?”

The dentist shrugged.

“This is devastating.”

“It's just one cavity, Mommy. It's not the end of the universe.”

“Shut your trap, little miss perfect smile.”

Clark grinned. “You have a cavity and a chipped tooth. You should have a tooth fairy wedding so she can fix you all up.”

Violet gasped. “Who teaches you to be so shady?!”

“You.”

Violet sighed. “Fair enough. Fill 'er in, doc.”

---

By the time Violet made it home from running her errands, she found her fiance watching TV in bed. She kissed him.

“How was the dentist?”

“Ugh, don't even get me started on that. How was the doctor's appointment with your precious Shea?”

“It was alright, but I almost killed that goddamn doctor.”

“Why?”

“He was such a perv! While he was looking at her  down there he'd say shit like ‘oh, are you single? It looks really, really good down here’.”

“What the- why would a doctor be looking at her down there? STD?”

“She went to a fertility clinic.”

The woman paused. “Hold on, let me get this straight. You took your ex-wife to a fertility doctor...where her vagina was all out...do you have any idea how that looks?!”

“Well, duh I know how her vagina looks. We were married for like ten years.”

“Not her vagina, Matthew! The situation! That's like me going to the sperm bank with my ex and helping him finish for the cup!”

He scoffed. “That's totally not the same thing.”

“Well it is to me,” Violet sniffled. “You don't even care enough about my feelings to admit it!”

Matt groaned. “Babe, what do you want from me?!”

“All of you!”

“You have all of me! I proposed, didn't I?!”

“Well, I don't want anyone trying to take you away from me! I want to get married sooner rather than later!”

“Okay!”

“If I have things ready by next two weeks will you be ready?!”

“Yes!”

“Alrighty, then!”

“Okay! Can we stop yelling now?!”

The appeased woman nodded. “I love you.”

“I love you too, pumpkin.”

“Ah, ah, ahhhh,” Violet reprimanded as she wagged her finger. “Save it for your vows.”

---

1 week later

---

When Violet heard her doorbell ring she rushed to open it and squealed when she saw that her guest had arrived.

“David Tutera! Hello!” the woman greeted the world renowned wedding planner.

“Hi, gorgeous,” he replied as he kissed both of her cheeks.

“It's so nice to meet you, come on in.”

Violet led the man to the dining room table where she'd set out photos, swatches and magazine clippings of what she wanted for her big day.

“So what do we have here?” he asked as he sat down.

“My wedding plans! Okay, so I want the grandest, most expensive, most over the top, like, we need to shut down the city and call the mayor because it'll be that amazing. Literally the best wedding that you've ever done before, David!”

“Um, okay. I think I could manage that. And when is your wedding day?”

“Next week.”

The man's jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me?! When I do weddings, I at least take six months to prepare!”

“Well, clear your schedule, sweetheart. I needed my fiance to legally be mine since like yesterday, so figure it out. You need to do this wedding by next week.”

“Excuse me? Do you have any idea who I am and whose events I've planned?!”

“Well, duh. I called you for a reason, but this is an opportunity for you to step up your game.”

“Unbelievable,” the man said as he pushed himself out of his seat. “Good luck with this one. I'm not touching it.”

“Seriously?! Do not understand the severity of what you're saying to me?! I am the fashion director at Girly Magazine, my column could make or break your entire line of bridal gowns!”

David blew her a kiss. “I'll pass. Good luck, sweetheart.” As the wedding planner passed the stairs, he froze when he saw the man in the fitted Spiderman costume, that left little of his physique to the imagination, descending them.

Matt pulled off his mask and shook out his hair. “Hey,” he greeted. “You must be David. I'm Matt, the fiance.”

David gulped. “Nice to meet you.”

“Thank you so much for agreeing to come help Violet. She deserves it.”

“Yeah? Well, I'd be more than happy to help you.”

Violet squealed. “So you changed your mind?!”

Without taking his eyes off of Matt, the wedding planner nodded.

“Yayyyy!”

“Super Clark, awayyyy!” the girl shouted as she sprinted by in nothing but her cape, goggles and underwear.

---

Over the next week, David failed to get Matt more involved with the wedding planning so the scheduled appointments became fewer and farther between.

An agitated Violet quickly took matters into her own hands and fired the man in dramatic fashion. And to prove a point, she called the producers of the hit television show Bridezillas.

“Matthew, sit down so that we can do this goddamn interview!”

“I'm not good with camerasss. Why'd you call them?”

“So that people can see what a shitty planner David actually is! He literally wanted little to nothing to do with just me because I probably intimidated him too much and I want people to see that.”

Matt rolled his eyes. “He was nice enough to me.”

“Babeee,” she whined. “You were absent for the venue and the linen pickings, this is the least that you can do.”

“You seriously think I'd take off of work for table clothes?”

“Yes!”  

“Um, no. I'm still paying off that damn Birkin so taking off, especially for tablecloths, is not an option right now. Call me for important stuff like the cake tasting and the actual day of the wedding.”

“You're such a typical man!”

“Thank you.”

“Ugh!” the woman groaned before storming off and entering the nearest bathroom before slamming the door behind her.

The Bridezilla producers high-fived each other. “This is pure gold!”

Violet peeked out of the bathroom. “You filmed that?”

“Of course! You were brilliant.”

“That was not brilliant! I can't even get my fucking fiance to cooperate! All he cares about is his stupid work and me swallowing and I've had it up to here with him!”

The producers high-fived again.

---

A few days later Violet managed to get Matt out of work with a cake tasting while the Bridezilla cameras followed all the while.

The baker brought out several samples before the man and his daughter dove into the same slice.

“Damn, that's good.”

“Damn, that's good!” Clark repeated with a mischievous giggle.

“Hey,” Matt chastised. “Don't say that.”

“Hey,” she mocked. “Don't say that.”

“Oh, so we're a parrot today?”

“Oh, so we're a parrot today?”

“Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?” Matt spewed.

“Peter...pickles... pizza!” she said with a cackle.

Matt laughed and kissed her forehead. “So what's this flavor?” he asked the baker.

“That's the birthday flavor. It’s French vanilla with sprinkles added into the batter.”

“I love it. It's the one.”

“I love it. It's the one,” Clark repeated.

“Hold on, jerks,” Violet protested. “I have to taste more.” The woman sampled the chocolate cake and practically melted in her seat. “That's amazing. Out of everything I've tasted, that's the best. I want this one.”

Matt wrinkled his nose. “I don't like chocolate cake.”

“I don't like chocolate cake,” Clark reiterated despite it being a lie.

“Well, too bad. I want this.”

“Woman, this is not a dictatorship. We both have to agree.”

“Woman, this is not a dictatorship. We both have to agree.”

Violet scoffed. “Both of you need to just shut up and agree to have the chocolate.”

“Well, you can have both,” the baker reminded.

“No, this isn't even about the cake anymore,” Violet fumed. “It's about these two trying to gang up on me.”

“What are you even talking about?!”

“What are you even talking about?!”

“I want the chocolate cake but you guys are being extra!”

“We can get both flavors, Violet! What's the fucking problem with that?!”

“We can get both flavors, Violet! What's the freaking problem with that?!” Clark added, being careful to censor herself.

“This is the problem!” Violet shouted as she tossed a handful of cake at the man. “You're my problem! You're not fucking listening to me!”

Matt dusted the crumbs off of himself before grabbing the cake with the most frosting and planting in directly into the woman's face.

Clark hid behind her fingers and waited for her mother's reaction.

Violet cleared the icing from her face. “Okay, Matthew,” she said with a light chuckle. “I'm literally going to kick your ass.” To the baker's chagrin, a cake fight quickly ensued.

The Bridezilla cameras caught every moment and even caught a lens full of frosting when Clark began to target them.

“Okay, okay,” Matt relented. “You can have your chocolate.”

“I’m glad you came to your senses,” Violet said as she caught herself from slipping on the strawberry filling.

“Absolutely. The wedding cake will be chocolate but my groom's cake will be the birthday flavor.”

“Groom’s cake?”

“Yayyy! We have come to a settlementalize!” Clark cheered.

---

Naomi couldn't believe how emotional Violet was when she met her friend in the airport parking lot.

“I fucking missed you!”

“I missed you too! I get back from my honeymoon and find out that you're engaged and planning your damn wedding- on Bridezillas!”

“Yeah,” she sniffled.

Naomi wiped the woman's tears. “I'm back, babe. Let's do this thing.”

---

Violet slinked out of the bridal dressing room in the tightly fitted strapless gown.

Raven and Naomi gasped while Clark wrinkled her nose.

The woman stopped in front of the full length mirror and groaned. “Oh my God, you guys I'm so fat! This is a fucking size four and I had to suck it in to squeeze into the motherfucker.”

“Lazaro’s dresses run small though,” Raven reminded. “Fucking asshole.”

“At least it isn't David Tutera,” Naomi teased.

Violet rolled her eyes. “Oh, God. Did you finish that article on him?”

“I did. He's officially dead in the fashion world.”

“Good. But that still doesn't help this dresssss,” Violet whined.

“I hate it,” Clark admitted.

“Really, CC?” Naomi asked.

“Yes! It's too plain. Where is the princess dress that I picked out for you?”

Violet turned from side to side, examining her silhouette in the dress before groaning. “I'll try on your pick now, sweetheart.”

When the woman returned to the dressing room, she gave the dress that she intentionally hated a second look. The consultant pulled the large ball gown from its protective casing and Violet took in every detail from the full skirt with soft jewel appliques and a train so long that it gave Princess Diana a run for her money to the delicate beading on the bodice that offered a hint of sparkle but nothing too over the top.

“This is actually really beautiful.”

The woman climbed out of the fitted dress and the bridal consultant assisted her in pulling the ball gown over her hips and gliding the off-the- shoulder sleeves into place before she attempted to corset the woman up.

“Fuck, that's tight,” Violet groaned. “What size is this?”

“A six.”

“Six?! Oh my God, I'm obese.”

“You're not obese...just a little bloated.”

“Bloated?!” She exploded.

“I'm sorry, you-”

“No! Get the fuck away from me! Naomi!”

Her friend entered the room a few moments later. “Yes, honey?”

“This bitch just called me bloated. I want to get the fuck out of here!”

“Whoa, why would you say that?”

“I-” the consultant got out before Violet cut her off.

“Because she's an evil bitch! I'm never coming to this boutique again and I'll take my five million Girly Magazine subscribers with me!”

Violet stormed out of the dressing room and when Clark saw her mother, the small child's entire face lit up.

“Mommy, you look so beautiful!”

“You really think so, baby?”

“Yes!”

“You really are glowing, Vi,” Naomi assured.

“And your boobs look incredible,” Raven added.

The woman sniffled. “Thank you, guys. I feel fat, but beautiful nonetheless.”

“David Tutera, eat your heart out!” Raven shouted at the nearest Bridezilla camera. “I’m sorry to hear about the unfortunate blaze that reduced  your bridal warehouse to ashes.”

“Buy that one! Buy that one!” Clark urged.

“I'm not buying anything from here. I will call Vera Wang herself and get my own, custom made gown that fits me perfectly without a goddamn size tag on it.”

“That's like cheating,” Naomi admitted. “I love it.”

“Mommy, are you saying yes to this dress?!”

“Yes!”

“Wooooo!”

---

6 weeks later

---

“Even though it took us longer to get here than I wanted, I'm glad we made it,” Violet said as a toast to her bridesmaids. “Cheers, bitches!”

“Cheers, bitches!” Clark repeated as she held up her apple juice. On the average day, she would've gotten in trouble, but on her parents wedding day, any form of celebration was accepted.

Violet took a sip of her champagne, but the second that the alcohol touched her lips, the woman became queasy.

“Naomiiii,” she whined. “Please get my veil.”

“How come?”

“I think I'm going to be sick and I don't want to ruin it.”

“Oh, dear.” Naomi panicked but was swift in action to remove the cathedral length piece of lace art from the back of her friend's softly curled updo.

As soon as she was free, Violet gathered the bottom of her massive skirt and stuffed herself into the bathroom. Her maid of honor was right by her side, wrapping a sheet around her neck to protect the dress and her own fitted, blush pink gown from any splatter. Violet spewed into the toilet bowl until her stomach was empty.

“Oh God,” the woman groaned as she flushed.

“Better?”

Violet nodded. “I don't know what that was about.”

“Premarital nervousness?”

“Sounds about right,” she sighed.

“Okay, good. I was thinking oh, lord let's not have food poisoning today of all days.”

“I haven't even eaten anything. I had a salad last night and cranberry juice this morning because I didn't want to be bloated.”

“You aren't pregnant, are you?” Naomi joked but the expression on Violet's now pale face was eerily familiar. “Oh my God, Vi! Is this why you've been feeling moody and bloated?!”

“I'm not moody or bloated!” she retorted through a sniffle.

Naomi folded her arms.

Violet exhaled. “There's a Walgreens a block away from here.”

The woman and her maid of honor rushed out of the bathroom, then out of the bridal suite and down the corridor at top speed.

“We got a runaway bride, y'all!” Raven shouted.

---

“What do you think is taking so long?” Matt nervously asked Jake.

“It takes women a long time to do everything, especially weddings. Just be patient.”

The man took a deep breath and continued to wait for the love of his life.

---

Violet's full skirt was gathered in her hands while Naomi carried the caboose as they skittered down the New York street in four inch heels. The sight earned them honks from cabs, cheers from passersby and premium ratings from the Bridezilla cameras.

When they finally made it to the pharmacy, it was a Deja Vu moment as they each grabbed a handbasket. The women quickly cleared out the pregnancy test section before grabbing a case of plastic cups and a liter of orange juice.

“Are we really doing this here?” Naomi asked as they entered the pharmacy bathroom stall.

“Yes! It's clean enough. Besides, I don't need these people in my business,” she said as she closed the door, blocking off the cameras.

---

Word of Violet's disappearing act quickly spread throughout the church and her father couldn't have been more excited.

“I'm just upset that she literally ran. Why didn't she take the Lamborghini I rented for such great emergencies as this?”

---

“Okay, how are we going to do this?” Naomi asked.

“Get under there.”

“Under your skirt?!”

“Yes! Pleaseeee, Naomi. You know I can't see my vagina, let alone reach it in this dress.”

The woman exhaled. “You're so fucking lucky that I love you like the abusive sister I've never had.”

Violet grinned and lifted her skirt, allowing her friend to crouch down and close her eyes as she removed the bridal thong. “Just place the cup between my thighs, I can hold it up like that.”

Naomi obliged and exited Violet's crinoline as quickly as she could.

“Jesus, you act like it's a sushi bar down there.”

“Is your vagina vajazzled?”

“...Maybe.”

---

Matt nervously paced the altar while Mr. Chachki cheekily made his way down the aisle alone.

“Wh-Where’s Violet?” Matt asked.

“She took my advice. She's gone.”

“What do you mean gone?”

“She ran, son! She realized that this isn't what she wanted. The wedding's off.”

Sharp gasps and low murmurs filled the congregation.

“You're lying,” Matt hissed as he stormed down the aisle pass the man. The second that he rounded the corner, he bumped into his sobbing daughter.

“Daddy, Mommy's gone! She's going to miss the wedding!”

Matt felt his heart swell in his chest as he came to the realization that he was right all along. There was no way that a woman like that could love him.

“Hey, heyyy,” the man cooed as he picked his child up. He refused to let her see him emotional. “It's okay. We won't let these outfits go to waste. There's a Marvel convention going on today. Do you want to go?”

“No, I want Mommyyyy,” she cried.

“I know, but she's not here right now, boo. We can go see Batman in the meantime. Okay?”

“Okayyy.”

With Clark in hand, Matt stormed out of the church doors with no intentions of looking back.

---

“Positive... positive... positive!” Naomi cheered as she read pregnancy test after pregnancy test. “Vi, congratulations! Today is like a two-for-one special!”

Violet burst into tears and her friend pulled her into an embrace. “How could this happen?!”

---

8 weeks earlier

“Is it safe to go condom free in the shower?” Matt asked. “Sperm is less effective in water. I mean that's just science, right?”

---

“Oh, God, my life will be over!” Violet wailed.

“No it won'ttttt. Clark was a surprise baby and look how amazing she turned out.”

“I meant my sex life!”

“Oh... probably,” Naomi said as she answered her phone. “Hey, baby… What?! Why'd he leave?! Oh my God. And where'd they go? Okay, okay, we're on our way.” She hung up. “Matt took Clark and left the ceremony because he thought you were a runaway bride…which is kinda fair.”

“Where is heeee?”

“At the Comic Con thing.”

Violet scowled. “With Shea. Naomi, get your sneakers. We have unfinished business to take care of.”

---

“This is amazing!” Clark squealed. She excitedly patted her father's leg. “Daddy, look! It's Storm!”

“You wanna meet her?”

The girl hid behind the man's pants leg. “I don't knowwww.”

“Aww, don't be scared, boo.”

“Matthew!”

“Okay, now you can be scared.”

Violet stormed through the convention shoving superhero after superhero out of her way.

“Nice costume!” someone complimented.

“Get out of my way!” she snarled as she spotted the man and stormed over.

“Mommyyyy,” Clark cheered, rushing into the woman's full skirt as if it was a snow bank.

“What are you doing here?” Matt demanded.

“Where is she?!”

“Who?!”

“Shea! I know you're at this nerd fest with her!”

“No,” he emphasized. “I'm sure she's here somewhere, but I wouldn't know. I'm here with my daughter.”

“You’re so full of shit, Matthew!”

“Says the bitch who left me at the altar!” he exploded.

Clark quickly covered her ears.

“I didn't leave you! Rushing to Walgreens, I was in too much of a panic to tell anyone what was going on!”

“Walgreens?” he scoffed. “You can't come up with a better lie?”

“It's not a fucking lie! I'm being followed every fucking where by Bridezilla cameras if want proof, ask them, asshole!”

Matt exhaled. “Fine. So you want to explain why you left Clark and I at the church with no explanation?”

“I threw up after tasting champagne and it all went downhill from there.” She took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”

The man couldn't process the rollercoaster of emotions that he was feeling. “Oh my God! Babe, why didn't you tell me?!”

“I literally just found out at Walgreens,” she sniffled.

He pulled her into an embrace. “Baby, I'm so sorry for thinking the worst.”

“You really think I'd run? Pfft, if anyone ever runs, it'd be you because I love you way too much for that.”

“I'm not going anywhere,” the man promised. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

They shared a kiss and the crowd that had gathered to watch the melodrama play out began to cheer.

“Let’s get married. Right here, right now.”

“But we have everything all set up at the venue,” she reminded.

“I know, but I can't go another second without you

being my wife.”

“I'm an ordained minister,” the overweight Deadpool announced. “I could officiant it.”

“Yes!” Matt cheered.

“Matthewwww,” Violet gasped in disbelief. “You really want to get married in front of all of these strangers dressed as superheroes and villains?”

There was an overwhelming applause at the prospect.

“I'd marry you on a boat. I'd marry you with a goat. I'd marry in a dumpster. I'd-”

“Okay, okay,” she rushed out of sheer excitement. “Let's do it.”

As Deadpool dusted the corndog crumbs off of his costume, Matt removed Clark's hands from her ears. “It's okay, boo! We're getting married here!”

“Here?!”

“Yes!”

“But what about the cake?!”

“We can eat the cake afterwards.”

“Yayyy!”

A nearby convention manager handed Deadpool a microphone. “Okay, do you, um-” He held the mic up to the man.

“Matt.”

“Do you take-” He held the mic up to the woman.

“Violet.”

“Do you take Violet-”

“Wait, can you say our full names?” she asked. “It just sounds more classy that way.”

“Okay. Do you-” He held the mic up to the man.

“Matthew James Lent.”

“Take-” He held the mic up to the woman.

“Violet Christine Chachki to be your-”

The small child snatched the microphone. “My name is Clark Christine Lent!”

The crowd cheered making the girl let out a shy giggle. She returned the microphone back to Deadpool.

“Okay, do you take her to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love, cherish and to protect from T-Ray?”

Matt laughed and Violet made a confused face.

“Who's T-Ray?” she asked.

There were low gasps that spread through the crowd.

“He's Deadpool's enemy.”

“Oh...and he's Deadpool?”

“Yes, honey.”

“Ohhhh, okay. I thought he was the Iron Man or something.”

“No, Mommy!” Clark protested. “Just sshhhh and repeat the words. You're embarrassing me and driving everyone coconuts!”

Violet laughed. “Sorryyy.”

“I do,” Matt promised.

“And do you, Violet Christine Chachki, take Matthew to be your lawfully wedded husband. To love, to cherish and to learn as much as you can about Marvel before you crash our convention in a fancy dress ever again?”

Everyone laughed.

“I do.”

“By the holy powers vested in me by the amazing Dr. Killebrew, I now pronounce you hero and...hero in training. You may kiss your bride.”

Matt eagerly tried his hand at romance by dipping his new wife and passionately placing his lips against hers.

“Enough icky stuff!” Clark protested. “Let's go get some cake!”

---

After putting on a second ceremony for their friends and family, the couple happily sashayed into the reception.

Clark danced with her disgruntled grandfather while her parents enjoyed each other's company...a little too much.

Matt kissed along the woman's neck and grabbed her ass while they swayed along to the music.

“Matthewwww,” she giggled. “Be appropriateee.”

“I can't help myselffff. You're beautiful and you're pregnant. We're married and you're pregnant. I wanna make love to you and make more babies but I don't have to ‘cause you're pregnant!”

“Ssshhhhh! I don't want everyone to find out this way. How do you want to tell Clark?”

“I... don't...know,” he said in between kisses. “Can we leave early for our honeymoon?”

Violet laughed. “I can not with you. Um, okay. We'll set an appointment for the ultrasound and make sure that everything is okay before we tell Clark.”

“Tell me what?” The girl with two bare handfuls of cake asked.

Violet jumped. “Clark! What did I tell you about snooping around, listening to people's conversations?”

“Wellll, if it's to get tea on the Starbucks bitch that gave you a full fat latte then-” the woman plopped some of the cake into her daughter's mouth. “You're just a little sponge, aren't you?”

Clark nodded.

To distract the girl from hearing any more secrets, the newlyweds started dinner early. Violet wrinkled her nose at the steak that was placed in front of her.

“So now I know why you've been extra picky lately,” Matt said.

“It doesn't look as good as it did last week when we did the food tasting,” she groaned.

“What are you craving? I'll get you anything you want.”

She looked at him and smiled. “Dill pickles and crunchy peanut butter.”

“Okay, Mrs. Lent.” He kissed her bare shoulder before pushing himself out of his seat. The man rushed to the nearest grocery store, grabbed the desired items and placed them on the conveyor belt.

“Nice suit,” the brace faced, teenage checkout boy said.

“Thank you! It's my wedding day.”

“Oh, wow, congratulations.”

“Wait, there's more. I also just found out that my wife is pregnant!”

“Holy Toledo! You work fast, don't you?! Get over here!”

Matt accepted the hug from the stranger.

“You wanna be my daddy too?” he whispered into the man's ear forcing Matt to snatch away.

“If I wasn't in such a good mood, I'd punch you for that,” he chirped as he grabbed the peanut butter and pickles. “Have a good day, buddy!”

---

As Matt gnawed on his steak with one hand, his other hand managed to grope Violet's thigh while she happily ate her peanut butter dipped pickles.

“Alright, alright, how's everyone doing tonight?” Naomi said into the microphone. “I just want to take a moment to say a few words to my new brother. Matthew, we haven't come very far fashion wise, but I've seen a monumental change in you. You've stepped up to the plate and you're taking care of my sister. I really love how happy you make her, so let's continue to do that and I wish you guys so many years of love and happiness. I love you.”

“Thank you,” Matt replied while Violet blew kisses.

“My turn! My turn!” Clark squealed as she rushed to the stage. Naomi handed her the microphone. “I love my parents sooooo muchhh,” the girl said, speaking with her lips pressed directly against the mic. “And I love my dress and my dogsss, Dr. Doom and Mr. Loki. And I love Grandmas and Grandpaaaa and my aunts and unclesss and my cousins and my toysss and my comicsss and my-”

“Can we give someone else a turn, CC?” Naomi asked.

Clark frowned. “But I'm not finisheddd.”

Naomi defensively raised her hands.

“Twinkle, twinkle, little starrrrrrrr. How I wonder what you areeee?” the girl squeaked into the microphone. Everyone waited patiently for her to finish, and when she received a standing ovation, Clark just knew that they all loved her performance so much that they just had to hear it again.

---

Mr. Chachki clutched the mic tightly in his fist. “I've been a part of my country club for about twenty-six years now and I've taken advantage of the various club activities. Horseback riding, archery, how to assemble an AK 47 in less than twelve seconds. To summarize: I love my children. And if anyone upsets them...well, you can just ask Abraham what happens.”

Rose's husband raised his champagne glass. “I still have the scars.”

Matt gulped.

---

“Twinkle, twinkle little starrrrrrr.”

---

“Um, this is fucking- I mean, freaking amazing,” Jake declared. “I'm lit. This fuc- freaking wedding is lit. The bar is open. I smoked a dubey beforehand and it's just...yeah. Matty, I fuck-freaking love your ass- butt, bro. Violet, you smell really good all the time so that's a plus. Um, I actually had a damn...darn...wait, is Clark allowed to hear 'damn’?”

---

Abraham lifted his shirt. “Scar...scar... spot where the arrow head is still lodged.”

---

“Twinkle, twinkle little starrrrrrrr!”

---

“Because 'darn’ and ‘damn’ are practically the same thing. Any-fucking-way, um, I had surprise for you guys...but I left it at home.”

---

Matt cleared his throat before he spoke into the microphone. “I don't think you guys realize just how much of a mess I was before I met Violet.”

“I do,” Raven interjected to everyone's amusement.

“Yeah, yeah,” Matt chuckled. “My wife...damn, it feels good to say that and have it finally coordinate with the person I'm currently with.”

Violet laughed and disapprovingly waved her finger at the man.

“I love you. I don't think I can stress that enough. And I...I...I just really don't want an arrowhead to be lodged in my shoulder.”

Everyone laughed with the exception of the seriousness of Mr. Chachki.

“Violet Christine, I love you with all of my heart and I'm so happy that we're expanding our family.”

Violet palmed her face.

“Damn...that was supposed to be a surprise, wasn't it?”

With tightly pursed lips, Violet nodded.

The man let out a nervous laugh. “Well…surprise!”

Violet pushed herself out of her seat and stormed into the nearest bathroom, swiftly followed by Naomi then Raven.

“I can't believe that he did that!” she sobbed as settled onto the floor, using the multiple layers of her skirt as a cushion while Naomi handed her tissues.

“Pfft, really? It's Matthew,” Raven reminded. “Just because you married him, doesn't make him any smarter.”

There was a knock on the door.

“Go away, Matthew,” Raven ordered.

“It's not Matthew.”

Violet recognized the woman's voice and frowned. “Shea?”

“May I come in?”

The woman reluctantly nodded her head so Raven slowly opened the bathroom door to let the woman in. She wasn't surprised to see her dressed as Catwoman.

“Sorry that I couldn't get formal. I just left the Marvel convention.”

“Clearly,” Violet sniffled. “What are you doing here?”

“I just wanted to talk…alone,” she said as she looked at the woman's glowering bodyguards.

Raven scoffed. “No way.”

“It's fine,” Violet sighed. “The sooner we talk, the sooner she can leave.”

It wasn't the attitude that Shea wanted, but she'd take what she could get. The woman's bridesmaids reluctantly left the room just to stand on the other side of the door to listen.

Shea’s leather squeaked as she sank to the floor next to the Violet. “So, I saw you guys at the convention and I didn't want to interrupt the moment. It was beautiful.”

“Thank you,” the woman sniffled.

“And congratulations on your pregnancy, girl! I haven't been so lucky, but I'm still trying.”

“Don't wear a condom in the shower,” she suggested.

“Um...thanks for the advice. But really, I just saw Jake's location on his Instagram post and I wanted to stop by to congratulate you. I was hoping that we could be friends.”

“Well, I don't hate, hate you.”

Shea smiled. “That's good enough for me. And I'm really sorry that Matty ruined your pregnancy announcement. He's a little slow sometimes but there's a way of controlling him that you have to master. The secret: his ears.”

“But that's the thing! He totally doesn't listen!”

“The secret isn't listening. It's his ears...literally. They're like hot wired to his dick and if he stroke them enough, he's putty in your hands.”

“Really?” Violet gasped as she processed the information.

“Yes! And if he's drunk, he'll jizz in his pants.”

“No way!”

“Yes, way!” Shea giggled. “This is my wedding gift to you. Use this secret to get him to behave.”

“That's fucking amazing. Thank you so much, Shea,” Violet said as she extended her arms and invited the woman into an embrace.

“Let me in!” Matt demanded on the other side of the door. “She's my wife!”

“And that doesn't give you a right treat her like shit,” Naomi retorted.

“I'm not treating her like shit! In my overexcited state, I just shared the good news at my wedding. Is that really so bad?”

“Let him in!” Violet shouted.

Seconds later, Matt entered the bathroom and was surprised to see Shea.

“What are you doing here…dressed as Catwoman?”

Shea pushed herself off of the floor. “Talked to Violet, just left comic convention.”

“So did we! I really wish that we would've ran into each other s-”

“Shhhh, Matty. That's not important right now.” Shea made her way towards the door. “Congratulations, guys,” she said quietly before exiting.  

Matt crouched to the floor in front of his wife and wiped her tears away.

“Thank God for waterproof mascara, right?”

The man frowned. “Baby, I'm sorry for spilling the beans. I just got way too caught up in the moment.”

Violet sighed. “It's okay. My biggest issue is getting people too excited too soon. I mean, I have no idea how far along I am- I don't like to count my eggs before they hatch.”

“That makes sense but this baby will be fine. I can already tell how strong he is.”

“He?” Violet challenged. “You remember what happened the last time you assumed that you were having boy? It took you like three days to flawlessly use the correct pronouns for Clark.”

“Yeah, yeah, but I'm sure that he's going to be an actual ‘he’ this time.”

The newlyweds laughed. “Only time will tell.”

“In the meantime, do you forgive me?”

Violet nodded and when they shared a kiss, she took the opportunity to grab the man's right ear.

“Wh-Whatcha doing?” he panted.

“Nothingggg,” Violet said mischievously as she began to massage the man's lobe. The woman was amazed that Shea was actually being truthful, let alone see Matt writhe under the simple touch.

“Baby, babyyy, what are- ughhhh.”

“I forgive you for being a big mouth, excited father, but I want another Birkin for the slip up and a pair of Manolos when my feet get too swollen for my regular shoes. Okay?” She gave his ear a firm squeeze.

“Fuck! Yes! Anything you want- it's yours.”

She smiled, released his ear and stole a kiss.

“Did Shea tell you about that?!”

“Yes. But I don't need it. You'd buy me nice things whether I manipulate you or not because you love meeee.”

Matt grabbed the woman and kissed her all over. “I do, I do, my snuggle wuggle bunny.”

As Violet giggled, Clark slowly pushed the bathroom door open. The wide eye girl moved like a baby Frankenstein and was so excited that she began hyperventilating as she approached her mother.

“What's wrong with you?” Violet asked.

“I'm...going...to be...a big...sister!”

“Awww, sweetheartttt! Well, if everything goes-”

Clark placed a sticky hand over her mother's lips to silence her. A year ago, the woman would've had a full on panic attack, but motherhood had desensitized her to child induced messes.

“Don't speak.” She turned to her father. “When will the baby be here?”

“I'm not sure yet. We have to go to the doctor, they can tell us.”

“Is it a boy baby or a girl baby?”

Violet mumbled against the girl's hand but Clark pinched her lips. “Sshhhhh! Ladies with babies can't talk!”

The woman did her best not to laugh.

“Daddy will be your transmitter. Okay?”

Violet nodded.

Clark turned to her father again. “Is it a boy baby or a girl baby?”

“I'm not sure yet. We have to go to the doctor, they can tell us,” he repeated.

“Ugh! Why don't you know anything?!”

“Because I'm not a doctor.”

Clark groaned. “Well I am. I'll tell you all about this baby.” She let go of her mother's lips. “Mommy, lay down.”

“I'm not putting my head on the floor, Clark.”

“Do you wanna know about this baby or not?!”

“I do bu-”

“Then you have to listen to the prosexual doctor! I watch more Doc McStuffins than you so I know what I'm doing!”

Violet went to correct the girl but the cackling Matt pleaded for his wife to let the her continue. He removed his suit jacket and placed it on the floor. “You are now protected from the floor. Lay down and listen to the prosexual doctor.”

The woman rolled her eyes and obliged.

“Daddy, I need your phone.”

The man handed the device over to the small child and watched as she turned on the flashlight. She shined it in Violet's face.

“Hmm..” the girl hummed. “This doesn't look good.”

“What is it, doctor?” Matt asked.

“I can't put my finger on it.. let's listen to the baby.” Clark crouched to the floor and placed her head against her mother's abdomen. “Holy Batman!” she shrieked as she sat up.

Violet jumped. “What's wrong?”

“That baby is yelling!”

The woman rolled her eyes. “Clark, babies don't-”

“What is it saying?” Matt eagerly asked.

Clark returned her ear to her Violet's stomach. “The baby says... it's dark in here and...it wants cake! Okay, little baby, I'll get you some cake!” Clark jumped to her feet and sprinted out of the bathroom.

“I think she has a gift,” the man said honestly.

Violet sat up. “I need to get out of here before that child tries to feed me cake in the bathroom.”

“Good idea.”

Matt quickly stood and helped his wife to her feet. “Are you ready for Paris?”

Violet nodded just as a grimace crossed her face before she rushed into the toilet stall to vomit. Clark burst into the bathroom with two platefuls of chocolate cake. “What'd I miss?”

The woman continued to retch.

“Paris is looking bleaker by the minute. Babe, do you think we should postpone the honeymoon?”

“Until when?” Violet demanded. “When I'm six months pregnant and huge?!”

“No, just until you feel better.”

“News flash, Matthew: pregnancy sucks! I felt like shit throughout the entire first one!” She turned to Clark. “No offense.”

The girl shrugged. “Eh.”

“Well, what do you want to do, babe?”

“Let's-”

“Let's go to Disney World!” Clark suggested.

“We just left Disney World three months ago, boo.”

“Excisely! Three months is a long time. We're due back anyyyy day now.”

“It isn't a half bad idea,” Violet said as she wiped her mouth. “You guys can ride the rides while I eat and wave at you.”

Matt laughed. “That's exactly what happened last time.”

“True but it was fun.”

“Then Disney World it.”

“Yayyyyy!” Clark shrieked. “This is the best day ever!”

“And what does the baby say?” Matt asked.

The girl rushed over to her mother and urged her to lean down.

“Hmm... it's still dark in there...and the baby still wants that cake and oh? What's that? Clark should have a pony?! Yes! You're right, baby, you're right! You'll be the best little brother or sister ever!”

“Get over here, you!” Matt said as he scooped his daughter into his arms. “Let's go get your things packed.”

The family exited the bathroom and as they left the venue, their wedding guests bid them farewell with the bubbles that they blew. Clark eagerly popped them while their getaway car pulled up.

Matt's jaw dropped. “Is that my Batmobile?!”

“Yeahhh,” Violet sighed. “As ugly as it is, I just couldn't let you sell it.”

“Ah, I love you!” Matt shouted as he squeezed her.

“Too tight, too tight,” she wheezed.

“Sorry! Babe, let's go!” The man pulled his wife and child along and they hopped into the specially made sports car.

*-*-*-*

Raven pulled her wife onto the dance floor and Naomi buried her face into the crock of her neck as they swayed. She got a good sniff of the other woman's hair.

“What's that smell? Is that...lighter fluid?”

“Nope.”

Naomi made the face. “Where is your purse?” The woman began to storm off.

“Babyyyy,” Raven groaned as she followed her. “The matches and lighter fluid are only for emergenciessss.”

*-*-*-*

“Ah!” Jake squealed as he sprinted away from Mr. Chachki's arrow. “I'm sorry!”

“Nobody curses and references drugs like that in front of my grandchildren!” the man shouted before releasing the weapon, sending it straight into the man's ass cheek.

*-*-*-*

Shea grabbed her purse and raised an eyebrow at the envelope that was sticking out of it. The woman checked the contents and was surprised to see two first class tickets to Paris. She grabbed the note and read the elegant script.

“‘I refuse to sit on an eight hour flight feeling like shit. Take your boo to Paris and get your ass knocked up!  ❤️  Violet’. Awww! I love that bitch. Now I have to throw away my shady crop top.”

*-*-*-*

“We're the Super Lents!” Clark shouted as her father sped down the road in his Batmobile. The cans tied to the bumper clattered against the asphalt drawing the attention of everyone who cared to read the 'Just Married’ sign attached to the back, the symbol of a new chapter in the young family’s life.

[pomfry]

How about a misunderstanding where Damian sees or overhears something that makes him think Jon doesn't want him or doesn't feel the same and basically breaks his heart. When Jon comes to find out what's wrong, he's faced with an overprotective batfam that blows everything over proportion. So angst with a happy ending?

Oh, yeah! I’m sorry if this isn’t that angsty-I tried. Here it is!

Damian blows into the Manor with a stony face, red eyes and bloody drawings.

Everyone’s concerned.

What happened?

Bruce sends in Dick to find out.

Dick fails.

Spectacularly.

He’s driven out of Damian’s bedroom by bat-a-rangs, paper weights, and general insults.

So, collectively, they send in Alfred.

With him, he brings tea and most of Damian’s favorite foods as a peace offering.

They stay in Damian’s bedroom for about three hours, and when Alfred emerges with a cart of empty plates, his face is faintly angry.

And that is enough to set everyone on edge.

“What happened, Alfred?” Tim asks, taking the lead. He might not like the kid that much, but he’s family.

And no one is allowed to hurt him.

“It seems that Mister Kent has forgotten how much he means to Master Damian and,” He stops to clear his throat. “Taken up relations with another.”

The effect of his words is instantaneous. Dick runs into Damian’s room, ignoring his protests while he hugs him and swears revenge.

Tim is immediately on his phone, finding new and creative way to ruin Jon’s life-it’s a wonder a person can do with enough connections and money.

Jason curses, punches the wall, and paces, silently swearing to make Jon’s life a living hell.

And through it all, Bruce is channelling Batman, making the lights around him darker and Jon shiver from his room.

(For those who don’t know, only Bruce can do this. Bruce and Alfred.)

All in all, Jon has pissed off the most powerful family on the planet-the Wayne family.

Jon comes the next day, his flannel shirt as obvious as day to the Bats gathered on the front lawn.

They had prepared.

Extremely.

Damian is still in his room, sketching out his former boyfriend’s gruesome death.

His family is determined to keep it that way.

Jon lands lightly, and promptly leaps back into the air to avoid a devastating kick to his neck generously provided by Tim.

He is then shot at by Jason.

And given a harsh punch by Bruce.

And then he’s knocked to the ground with Dick on his back, and Jon is very confused.

“You really think we’d let you get away with it?” Bruce snarls with the Batman growl in his voice.

Jon shivers; even now after a few years of knowing him and knowing that he’s just a exasperated parent, that still scares the shit out of him.

“Look, there’s been a misunderstanding.”

Tim snorts, twirling his bo staff with one hand in dizzying circles. “Forgive us if we don’t believe​ you.”

“It’s true!” Jon insists, pushing against the weight on his back. He failed, but that was because Jason has stuck a Kryptonite shard next to him.

“Look, my friend Riley was being harassed by this guy at the mall and he wouldn’t give up. Riley was getting nervous because the guy was literally following him around so he asked me if I could pretend to be his boyfriend to get the guy off his back.”

Jon sighs, shifting a little. “I said yes because Riley isn’t a person to get nervous easily and besides the guy was about twenty anyways. So I walked up to them, said typical couple things, and led him away. I guess that’s what Damian saw.”

“Replacement?” Jason asks, but Tim is already hacking into the security cameras.

“It’s true.”

Dick stands, grabs the Kryptonite, and gives a sheepish smile. “Sorry, Jon.”

Jon sighs and sits up. “It’s fine. Can I go talk to Damian now?”

“Mister Kent, I would recommend having someone as a shield. Master Bruce will do.” Alfred interrupts from the doorway, looking dignified as ever.

“Hi, Alfred.” Jon groans, raising a hand in greeting.

“Good day, Mister Kent.” Alfred nods his hello and disappears into the Manor.

Jason cackles, strolling-yes, strolling his way to his bike. “Good luck, Bruce.”

Bruce looks around for an ally among his children and finds Tim gone and Dick whistling innocently.

Damnit, his kids are traitors.

“Come on then, I don’t want my boyfriend angry at me any more than necessary.” Jon says, marching into the Manor.

“Fine.” Bruce bites out, following his son’s not-cheating-boyfriend.

Bruce is putting his life on the line, his children owe him big time.

And Bruce is going to collect.

[jedifighterpilot2727]

The Swear Jar - Eyes Like Kryptonite Ch. 24

So I was prompted by Jaden Ayala to make a fic based on this tumblr post -

http://sanvxrs.tumblr.com/post/156012140166

@sanvxrs hope you don’t mind!

ok but….. kara has a swear jar and makes lena put a dollar in it whenever she swears. one day lena comes out of the bedroom wearing just one of kara’s shirts, and while adjusting her sex hair she just puts an entire credit card in the jar       

Hope you guys enjoy!!

           It starts out as a joke.

She goes shot for shot with Alex at game night one week and she wakes up the next morning with a pounding headache and finds a vase on Kara’s end table labeled “Swear Jar”.

There’s a whole wad of cash in there, and she definitely doesn’t remember it being there the night before. According to Kara, she and Alex had gotten more rowdy the drunker they got, and the group had been forced to impose rules - say a curse word, put a dollar in the jar. Once the jar gets enough cash in it, it goes to beer money.

Frankly, Lena finds the whole thing hilarious, and Kara gets a huge kick out of calling people out to put money in the jar. Kara rarely has to put money in the jar - Lena’s pretty sure she only has to put one dollar in for the whole first month. Maggie and James are pretty even - they don’t curse a lot, but they have the occasional slip. Winn gets crazy competitive over game night, and all of his donations come from cursing his own bad luck.

Lena and Alex are without a doubt the most prolific contributors to the jar, neither of them are terribly interested in curbing their bad language. Alex says it’s because the money she ends up putting in the jar was going to go to beer anyway, and Lena    - well, let’s just say Kara gets a certain glint in her eye when Lena talks filthy. It’s worth it though, and it’s all in good fun; it keeps them laughing and the beer drawer in the fridge fully stocked.

One night, the jar overflows when Alex talks Lena into teaching her Irish curse words and Kara insists that curse words are curse words, regardless of what language they’re in. The same applies the next week, when Alex and Winn teach Lena the laundry list of Kryptonian curse words. It’s worth it though, when she gets to whisper dirty Kryptonian words in Kara’s ear the next time they make love.

Totally worth it.

Tonight, however, the swear jar is empty.

It’s their usual game night, with the usual crowd - all except Kara, who’s off in Metropolis helping Superman. At first it would seem that the jar empty because Kara isn’t there to call them out for their bad language, but upon closer inspection, it becomes evident that no one is talking at all. James and Winn are on the couch, flipping back and forth between Metropolis news channels - desperate to catch a glimpse of the cousins of steel.

Alex and Maggie are on the love seat, Alex checking her phone every five seconds for updates.

Lena is alone in the arm chair, normally she would be perched on Kara’s lap, but since her girlfriend is off being a hero, Lena is alone; arms wrapped around her knees as she hugs them to her. Her eyes are glued to the open window, a spark of hope igniting in her chest with every gust of wind that flutters the curtains.

It seems like forever, but it isn’t long at all before a flash of red and blue startles them all out of their somber musings.

“Kara!” Is the collective cry, and they surround her in an instant.

“I’m fine, guys, I promise.” She silences all of their worries with a smile. “I’m just starving, please tell me you have pizza!"

“Five pizzas.” Alex corrects, “And one of them has your nasty pineapple pieces on it too."

Kara laughs and pulls her sister in for a tight hug. She then continues on down the line of Super friends until she gets to Lena, and when she does she smiles softly.

“I’ve gotta go change outta this suit, its completely unfit for wearing during Monopoly. Start without us guys, I wanna be the dog.” She inclines her head towards the bedroom, and Lena follows without comment.

As soon as the bedroom door closes behind them, Lena wraps herself around Kara, relishing the way those strong arms envelope her.

“I’ve missed you."

“I’ve missed you too.” She feels Kara’s lips press against her hair and she tugs the super hero tighter.

“Are you sure you’re okay? No injuries you aren’t telling us about?"

“No, I promise. Just need to feel you."

Kara’s lips latch on to hers, and even though she knows they shouldn’t; it takes mere seconds for her to lose herself in to the feeling of Kara’s kiss. It’s desperate and hungry, like it always is after missions like these, and Lena forgets about the swear jar, about their friends in the next room.

When they finally walk back into the living room, Lena’s hair is falling out of her bun, and there’s lipstick smudged on Kara’s neck. Winn and James are purposefully looking anywhere but at them, and Maggie is doing a slow clap.

“Way to go Little Danvers."

Kara blushes beautifully and moves to take her seat, only to be stopped by Alex.

“Uh uh! Swear Jar, both of you, pay up."

“But-“

“Nope, after what we just had to listen to, we at least deserve beer money."

“We weren’t even loud-"

She’s stopped when Alex gives her a pointed look, and Lena can’t help but to laugh at her girlfriend’s expression.

“Oh no, you too, Luthor.” Alex scolds as Kara drops a $20 in the jar.  “Pay up."

Lena sighs, and moves to her purse, digging out a black AmEx and dropping it in.

“For my tab."

[nalufever]

A Case of the Feelz

Brooklyn Nine Nine Jake X Amy Canonverse-esque Word Count: 1829 Rating: mildly mature

Warning: New to this fandom and first time writing for Jamy. Here’s my take (even though this prolly has been done already and better) on the events leading up to Amy and Jake in bed after their first official ‘romantic stylez’ date.

Summary: Alcohol was mighty fine for greasing nervous wheels - now had it been Amy or Jake who made the first move into bed? Sex was supposed to be off the table, but rules like 'no sex on a first date’ and things like piñatas, glow sticks and egg shells were so meant to be broken.

It was weird with a giant helping of delightful. Amy preened under the warm attention from Jake. A Jake on his 'best behaviour.’ A man full of himself; yet dorky and dosing his teasing with honesty. He was having a great time and it showed in the smile that never dropped from his lips. Was this the same guy who’d purposefully planned a terrible date after he’d won their 'most perps caught’ bet?

Dinner was an understandable blur. Four Kamikaze shots will do that to a person. And wine with dinner - well, wine for Amy and a disgusting array of sweet mixed drinks for Jake. Once the appropriate level of drunkenness was achieved, conversation became loud and never lagged. Jake made Amy laugh.

Debris taken away and final drinks in hand; Jake tossed down money to cover the tab. “This was prolly the best date you’ve ever had Ames.” He winked, enjoying the brief look of annoyance. As much as he likes Amy, he loves winding her up - every chance he gets. “Let’s get some air.”

“All right.” Amy gave Jake her most challenging look from down her nose. “I’m surprised at you detective Peralta. Not gonna try to take me home?”

“I remember your third rule and don’t wanna tempt you too much.” Jake rose from his seat and staggered behind Amy to assist her from her chair with a flourish. “We’ll have to cab it on account of how drunk you are.” He grinned and winked. “You’re so the type to have busy hands while I’m trying to drive.”

“You wish!” Amy pretended a look of outrage. “There’s no way I’d let either of us drive.” It would have been more of a stunning set down if she hadn’t also laughed. She slung her purse over her shoulder and lead the way out of the restaurant, head held high.

Jake about swallowed his tongue - Amy did things for the clothes she wore. Good things. She did things for his clothes too - his pants were strangling him. That hip swaying action; oh man, he could watch that for hours. Red dresses were now his kryptonite.

Stepping out onto the pavement, Jake offered Amy his arm. Gratified by how easy she accepted it, he beamed. “Ames, we should totally drink a toast to celebrate how awesome our romantic stylez date went.”

“Oh, it is over?”

“… It doesn’t have to be.” Jake nodded in time with the clack of Amy’s heels as they walked. “I’ll let you invite me over.”

“Let you?”

“All right.” Jake shot Amy a smug look which in retrospect wasn’t the smartest idea - but hell, teasing her was the best. He rubbed where Amy had punched his arm, doing his best to hide his wince. Damn, that was gonna bruise. Good thing he didn’t mind a little rough housing. “Since you insist!” He whistled and flagged down a cab, intending to open the door for Amy. She beat him to it and ushered him in - goosing him in the process and cackling madly to hear his yelp.

She swatted his arm again as he gave her address to the cabbie and assured the man that Amy was big tipper. As a modern man, Jake is all about sharing costs. Paying for a date doesn’t mean he’s entitled to anything either. Oh, he sure as hell hopes so, but he’s not anywhere near that foolish. On the other hand (and Amy’s hands look pretty good too) he’d 'put out’ if Amy asked, nicely mind you. He shares a smirk with the driver and downgrades his words to the truth; 'just ask.’

Longest most embarrassing cab ride over, Amy sprints from the car covering her ears as Jake adds more fuel to her blush. He’s telling the cabbie it’s awesome how eager she is for the sex.

His affable grin doesn’t drop one inch as she repeats from earlier, 'sex is off the table on a first date.’

He nods sagely as she stumbles a bit - when did the floor get so uneven? “Depends how sturdy the table is, really - or if you wanted a new one.”

Smooth, clever like always - but a bit nervous under that veneer? Amy wants to see Jake squirm. She wants to see lots of things. Naughty things - but she promised herself to take this slow. Jake was all kinds of wonderful mixed with smart and irrepressible. “I’ve broken a table before.” She arches her eyebrow and gives him her own Amy Santiago smirk.

Never at a loss for words long, (or ever) Jake nods and agrees in a humble tone, “That sounds like bragging. I’m gonna have to give a second opinion on that. Tell you what, I’ll let you have your way with me on any two tables you want.” As designed, this spins them into a conflict over which two tables Amy could live with destroyed. Jake doesn’t think Amy understands. At this point she has tacitly agreed to have wild physical intimacy with him and on doily encrusted tables no less.

This is fun for the both of them; open flirting - a bit of give and take. Jake gives the most outrageous statements serious delivery and Amy takes everything she hears and does her best to memorize. She’s delightfully drunk, riffing off on his absurdities and adding to them. It’s actually quite awesome how clever they both are. This is indeed the best first date. Hey - it’s kinda the second date between them - Jake did score more arrests, taking her out in that hideous blue dress.

This knowledge swims around in the simmering soup of passion inside of Amy. She laughs in the kitchen where she’s grabbing another round of drinks. Flirting is thirsty work. She goes back into her living room and plops down next to Jake who has flung his tie off lord knows where, but he looks like he’s thought of something he needs to take care of urgently in his own apartment.

“What’s the matter?” She doesn’t give him the chance to turn down the beer, placing the bottle on his knee - making him have to stop bouncing it.

He moves to grip it and nods. “Cool cool cool cool cool.”

Amy scoots closer, loving Jake’s red cheeks. “If I told you, you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”

He sputters, “That’s so old. Can’t you think of any newer lines?” How many drinks has Amy had anyway? His virtue is in dire straits. He wants to do the do, but they vowed 'not on the first date’ and dammit he was a man of principle. A dirty, lustful and horny man - but with a few selected important virtues. No going back on his word, no means no. Yeah, he’s not dead - he wants recreational stress relief more than his next breath. Santiago is all kinds of sexy.

“You know what we agreed at the start of the date?”

“Going halvsies? I’ll let you pay half now as a special favour.” Jake took a nervous gulp of his drink and then relaxed to see the amusement dance in Amy’s eyes.

She plucked his beer away and set it and her drink down on two doily coasters. So sue her! She liked doilies. Her tongue darted out and wet her lips. She narrowed her eyes at Jake. “We agreed no sex on the first date - but that -”

“But that doesn’t rule out things that lead up to sex!” Jake cheered. “I have the best partner, ever.”

“I will gray-cious, gray-cee-us - yes.” Amy gave up and straddled Jake’s lap. She paused. In that pause, that second - the Jake she knew as a wise-cracking detective shed some of his braggadocio and become a more honest version of himself. His want was clear to her; whatever she saw fit to give him. And Amy was willing to bet every last doily she had and half of her binder collection (she wasn’t that impaired to risk all of them) that it would be magical.

Amy set her index finger in his chin dimple. She gave him a soft smile and slowly lowered her mouth to his.

Jake liked this, ahem, a lot - and so did Jake Jr. He settled his hands on Amy’s hips and let himself arch up. She didn’t scream, slap him or jump off - so he opened his mouth and made it a two pronged attack.

One hand under her shirt directly on her flesh and the other digging into her pleasing derriere, Jake couldn’t hold in his moans. Santiago was a devil. Her tongue was busy gathering intel and then staged a coup - blasting all his remaining thoughts into the stratosphere.

Holy shit, Ames was on board and making a full press assault. Jake hissed more in pleasure than pain as Amy yanked on hair, forcing his head back. She ran her tongue down his neck and giggled. Giggled.

“What, do I taste funny?”

“Ooh! The name of your sex tape!”

Jake waggled his brows, “If you play your cards right, ours.”

Amy pulled on Jake’s shirt and unbuttoned the top couple of buttons. “Let’s take this to my room.”

“Heh, aren’t all these your rooms?” Jake joked, remembering the number one rule not to be broken. His grin turned into a smirk - man, Ames was a wicked kisser.

“Technically this is our second date.”

“Noice.” Jake kept Amy in his arms and sprang from the couch, huffing only a little. He wasn’t weak or anything, Ames was built sturdy. Stripping her would make her lighter and ditching his own clothes was the new plan.

On Amy’s sensible duvet, a gloriously naked Jake Peralta grinned down at an equally grinning Amy Santiago. She threaded her arms around his neck and pulled his lips down to hers. She might be under his body but she still held a position of authority. Amy speared her tongue into Jake’s mouth and destroyed what was left of his mind.

Did it matter who made the first move? Hells no. What was important, was the mutual desire raging out of control. It burned bright, a many splendored case of the feelz.

[the-connection]

Hi sidekicks! We’re back for the Are You The One season 7 chapter 3 recap, and I, for one, am on the edge of my seat. Will Zak continue to hit on every girl in the members of this house? Will my eardrums hold permanent injury from Nutsa’s voice? Will Bria skin Zak and wear him as a dres? Let’s find out!

We open on Bria screaming, and already I’m traumatized because I had a rough subway razz residence today. It also involved a female screaming “you can suction my dick! ” Although in her speciman, I meditate she was just trying to get me to grant her money. Bria is actually insane.

In the other room Nutsa is telling Zak he deserves better than Bria, and in the confessional Morgan is telling us that Nutsa isn’t right right for Zak. There is some major girl-on-girl misdemeanour going on here.

Asia decides to spare us all a reenactment of the blood-red bridal, and attempts to give Bria a pep talk. She tells her she needs to move on from Zak and will physically not cause her back in the members of this house until she calms down.

Bria is grunting and heavy exhaling like someone passionately in need of an exorcism as Asia contributes her back to the house. She crab steps right up to Zak.

Bria:* spokesperson dripping with hollow and sorrow* Listen to me, it’s done Zak:

Moving on to our second most f* cked up got a couple of the house, Tevin and Kenya. Tevin is sighing to Kenya, questioning what she did in the thunder boom office with Lewis. He says he’s moaning to prolong his utter , not because he wants to keep their sexual employs private or anything.

Kenya: We didn’t do anything Tevin:* mutters* You gave him head Kenya:* wails* I dedicated him head

It’s all highly baffling. They leave this conversation agreeing they are still into each other, but only one of them leaves with vocal chords that are fresh as a daisy.

Bria is icing her handwriting because she disabled it in one of her rage blackouts. She is also wearing Zak’s shirt although there is I Envisage WE WERE DONE WITH THIS, GOD! Samantha tells Zak that it’s mostly like a puppy urinating on something to distinguish its territory. Oh, Sam. I’m sure Bria did that extremely!

Okay now Sam "re talking" how she and Zak are similar and she thinks he are likely to be her pair. I’m starting to wonder what it is about this buster that obliges him female kryptonite? Is he actually a slice of pizza underneath his clothes?

Sam thinks they connect intellectually, and I’m wondering if they’re not showing us the parts of the day where Zak walks around performing Yeats from recall cause otherwise I DON’T SEE IT.

Now we transition to Andrew, who is declaring that everyone has made a contact and there are a lot of playboys there and he exactly doesn’t have that recreation. You mean the girls aren’t impressed by the diamond studs in each ear, Andrew? I am shook!

Andrew is applying the precious few minutes of screen time he has to talk about the weather with Asia. Apparently he got sunburned because it was overcast out and he “just didn’t think.” Well, Andrew, us fair-skinned tribe need to be vigilant about the daylight. Always wear sunscreen! Melanoma does not mark, although I’m sure it would pass over your diamond-studded soul if it had the choice.

I honestly never meditated I’d say this about person on this present, but Andrew obviously needs to devour more alcohol. This conversation is so awkward and the only way to get past that is by imbibing so much better your ability to feel reproach goes away.

Morgan is making Nutsa do her makeup even though they are both humbling on Zak. Morgan better watch out because Nutsa has a crazy look in her nose and a lip liner that gazes suspiciously like a shiv.

Morgan immediately moves from her discussion with Nutsa to tittle-tattle on her to Bria. She tells Bria that Nutsa is inessential but she is GREAT AND PERFECT AND WILL BE PURSUING ZAK. And isn’t it righteous that she’s telling Bria before she does it? In the confessional, Morgan lets us are also aware that she told Bria about her quash on Zak because she’s afraid of her. Same.

Morgan goes right over to Zak and accosts him vag first. He countenances with open arms.

Nutsa see this happen and is offended and upset. And I am affronted and upset by the resonates coming out of her cheek right now. My ears, they ooze.

Morgan tells Nutsa that she went to Zak to tell him to respect her. Then she tells us in the confessional that she lied. I’m particularly into Morgan’s use of the confessional. She knows what it’s about. Too she might want to avoid everyone from the evidence now that this is airing. Save yourself, Morgan!

Can I just take a brief minute here to discuss the living accommodations MTV provides for the shoot members? It’s literally mattresses thrown on the storey with a comforter on top. They look like they’re squatters. Did MTV even pay for this house or did they acquire the throw representatives break into a vacation home that wasn’t currently being leased?

Cut to Cali and Brett in some sort of khaki-colored hammock contraption. I’m having a hard time figuring out what’s going on now because everything is the same shade. The beings are tan, the hammock is tan, Brett’s shirt is tan. I think they’re making out. They seem to like each other. Cute.

Terrence J is demonstrated by. Is the J an extension of his first name, or is it his last name? Do we study I can drop it by now? Is Terrence very familiar for a mortal I’ve never met? Eh what the heck, let’s entered into with Terry.

Terry shows up. He prompts them that one week and seven hangovers ago they got three rays at the matching ceremony. Papa Terry was very proud. He shows off his beloved, the demise button, which will again pick the years this week.

The producers Fate pickings Nutsa and Asia as the women going on the time. For the second week in a row, Bria threatens the life of the fate button if it picks Zak. I really panic this this button is not long for this life. Luckily, the fate button is saved this week because it chooses Cam and Andrew. Don’t forget your SPF 50, Andrew!

So for this date they are zorbing. Zorbing is a word I merely became aware that entails reeling around in a plastic clod like a drunken hamster. How neat of MTV to send the cast to Hawaii and give them do something I could do at I Play America in center Jersey. Actually wasting the big bucks! I hope person suffocates.

Cam and Asia pair up for some time by the ocean, where Asia asks if his political deems affect his dating life. He is open and honest and so in return she tells him she detests him for his political beliefs.

Nutsa depletes the day telling the sons she’s not into them. Gentlemen, this is a favor. You don’t necessary that voice in your life.

Oooh now I meet what Andrew was talking about with his sunburn. That baby’s gonna rind. A pink-tinted Andrew tells Asia he would be interested in her if he saw her treading down the street. Asia says she thinks he has a wallflower identity and is leery of him because he seems reticent. Wow, I never knew reticent was a dealbreaker. So ladies, we’re into rampage controversies, cheaters, and unemployed losers, but we draw a line at balk? This is where we are now?

Andrew persuasions Asia that he would never be so disgusting as to be a shy dude, and she conceives him enough to think they might be a competition.

Back at the members of this house, Terry is there to announce who is going in the truth booth. Asia and Andrew acknowledge they’re feeling one another, and the house thought they might be too. They’re headed to the Truth Booth.

And it’s no equal! Ogles like Andrew was lying about being reticent and the experts really blew up his recognize, huh? They seem a little upset at first but then Andrew starts screeching “That’s information! That’s information! ” which is basically what I do after every late-night Wikipedia deep diving.

Post-Truth Booth, Kenya approaches Jasmine for saying she would pop off on her. I must have missed that component, but apparently it’s a big question. Kenya screams at Jasmine and then peaces out. Jasmine trying to mollify herself down right now is me after anyone has asked me to do a simple task at work. I ALREADY TOLD YOU TO ADD YOURSELF TO THE DISTRO LIST, LINDA!

Nutsa plucks Zak aside and questions him what he likes in a girl.

Zak: Seems don’t truly matter to me Also Zak:

He too mentions he demands a woman that’s steadfast. So steadfast like you were to Bria with Morgan and Nutsa and Samantha, like that kind of loyal? Nutsa munches it right up and says she thinks they could be a join.

Bria then be coming back and gathers Zak away from this sweet discussion and legit pulls him into the spurt spurt chamber and jump-start his bones. Oh so like this kind of loyal, Zak?

Nutsa then questions Samantha where Zak is.

Samantha: Yeah he’s f* cking Bria in the boom spurt room

Samantha! I miss exclusively good thoughts for you! My kindred spirit.

Before Bria makes Zak leave the boom boom room, she constricts his projectiles until he says she can trust him. I conceive Zak about as much as I conceive myself when I say I’ll come out but just for one potion.

We has at last attained it to the second match-up formality, and no one is dead yet! That’s how I’m setting success on this season. Who even cares if they get the million dollars this year? At this quality if they all make it out alive I’m calling it a make.

Tonight is ladies preference! So countless eligible bachelors, how will they ever judge?

Kenya picks Tevin Kayla collects Cam Jasmine selects Lewis Asia collects Brett Nutsa selects Daniel because they have “cultural backgrounds together” My number one girl Samantha pickings Zak, and the riot begins.