#cold comfort for change
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me playing landslide: this is about grief
me playing wish you were here: it's about grief
me playing angels: this one's also about grief
me writing my own songs: yeah at the core really all of these are about grief
me playing the guitar in the first place: yup, grief again
me, just going through life: yeah this is really just about grief isn't it. we live and we breathe and we experience and we must die and all things must come to an end. really all of life is just about grief and grief is really about love and how finite it all is. it's all grief. all of it
...... lads i may have gotten myself a grief shaped hammer or something πΆ
#couldn't possibly have anything to do with how my friends death anniversary is less than a week away#it's been five years. five entire years of not knowing how to deal with this grief#it's just bubbling up under the surface and touching everything im sorry.#a lead role in a cage.#trade your heroes for ghosts etc#hot ashes for trees!! hot air for a cool breeze!!!#cold comfort for change#IT'S ABOUT GRIEF OKAY#it's about grief. all of it. all of it#i just. i really do. just#wish you were here#i need a tag for my own rambles#learning guitar#grief
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#cold comfort#Cold comfort for change#neon sign#enter this way#digital art#digital image#digital collage#graphic art#digital artist
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replaying mystic messenger is so crazy because why am i gentle parenting these grown men and teaching them how to handle their feelings
#mystic messenger#mysme#jumin han#saeyoung choi#this post is mainly about those two#i get so mad whenever jumin enters a chatroom like get out of my face im not joking I DO NOT LIKE YOU#like i get it blah blah blah CEO with a cold heart trope and you melt his icy exterior But im so tired...#i don't want to explain workers rights to him#or... basic human rights actually#when he goes βjaehee i need you to work overtime againβ and my face contorts in disgust and horror as a sitcom laugh track plays in the bac#also seven's route is so frustrating#like there's genuine reasons for him acting cold and whatever and i get it#but i actually dont want to watch you break a robot cat and then change ur pfp to a dark and broody photo of yourself#I ALSO CANT TALK TO ZEN IM SORRY I HATE HIM SO MUCH#zen lovers do not hate me... i am just a simple person#at one point in seven's route he was like βomg there's an explosive in the apartment? i should send a pic of myself to comfort you...β#I CANNOT HANDLE YOU GO LOG OFF YOUR PHONE#sorry wow im really into this game#i played it four years ago and now it's come back to me#also all of my points are nullified by the fact that saeran is my favorite#doing his route is like pulling teeth and eating socks#i say that with love
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since it seems Iβm one of like 3 people that like minsc/jaheira, let me see if I can recruit more to my cause:
- while he was trapped in stone, jaheira visited him all the time, openly weeping and speaking to him
- even while under the tadpoleβs control, minsc only listened to βjaheiraβ
- when minsc thought βjaheiraβ died, he was inconsolably angry
- jaheira was willing to risk EVERYTHING to get minsc back. nothing mattered to her more. she threatened the emperor - and the rest of your party for that matter - and screamed βhelp my friend!β
- when jaheira talked about how she had to leave him behind, she explained it was the logical thing to doβ¦but she said she hated herself for it because minsc never would have left her, ever
- minsc referred to her as his wychlaran - a wise woman of rasheman, bonded to a berserker bodyguard for life. there is no higher title or deeper bond in all of rashemaar custom
- jaheira disagreed with this, to which he said βthe title matters not. only this: when minsc does as minsc does, and charges in to make a mess, jaheira does as jaheira does, and saves us all anywayβ
- minsc knows her children and they know him
- jaheira smiles the most around him
- they love each other
#bg3#baldurs gate 3#bg3 jaheira#bg3 minsc#jaheira x minsc#they WOULD DIE FOR EACH OTHER#I donβt personally think theyβd ever come right out and say their feelings#but they just like hold hands sometimes and jaheira stares daggers at anyone that looks at them#their bond is so deep that feelings wouldnβt even change much#I just imagine jaheira waking up in a cold sweat#having just dreamt about leaving him#and she feels like sheβs just been drenched in ice until she looks over and sees heβs sleeping contently under his tent#and silently she walks over and lays down next to him and he wakes up immediately because he can sense she needs something#βare you alright?β#βhold me you fool.β#and sleepily minsc just pulls her into his chest#the feeling of ice running through her veins melts because he is warm and comforting and familiar#anyways.#I just think theyβre neat#and I want others to think so too#I donβt think they have a ship name yet#maheira?#jinsc?#idk tell me your thoughts#my post
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cant even remember wht subgenre of acute mental illness i was living with at 18 which gave me the ability to write ashara the way i did but im so glad i went thru that shit bc a solasmancer who acts essentially as a microcosm of the present day world and reflects the exact problems solas hates so much about it but still somehow comes to love is. objectively insane. and here she is 7.5 years later and about 3x worse
#oc: ashara#her being cold and bitter and harsh and unyielding and short tempered and dismissive and vicious. on the SURFACE#until you try. until u keep trying and actually make an effort to meet her w empathy and patience#and then u get love. and warmth and dedication and curiousity thoughtfulness and light and comfort and TRUST !!!!#even if its not perfect. even if shes still impatient and stubborn and unmoving on certain things#and seeing that those things u had dismissed as cold and harsh are rly just mistranslated attempts at kindness from someone who is#trying her absolute best. and has peoples best interest at heart at the end of the day. even if she cant always convey it well#and like thats THE WORLD. thats the PRESENT babe ! thats LIFE and PEOPLE for u !!!!#obsessed w him being like i can no longer hate this world because YOU are the world . but even then it doesnt change anything lol#and its like he was already going to potentially kill her by doing what he's doing but now its like#the world and ashara are a 1:1 comparison in his head atp. man#someone COOKED here#and that someone was me on the train to claremont in 2017 every day for like 11 weeks having recently discovered pinterest lol
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Guys i freaking LOVE james heβs my favourite character of all time guys.
I LOVE THIS FLAVOUR OF JAMES WHERE HE GETS OVER HIS ISSUES!! YOUR PARENTS MAY NOT LOVE YOU BUT SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE DO!!
#I LOVE JAMES GRIFFIN#theyβll go home after clubbing and talk for hours over cold pizza and convenience store chocolate#theyβll forget to change out of their clubbing clothes#then theyβll fall asleep in eachothers arms#voltron#voltron legendary defender#jaith#james griffin#james voltron#keith kogane#keith voltron#shipping#ship headcanons#headcanon#hurt/comfort#bittersweet#voltron au#alternate universe#2000s au#college au#au
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not to be that guy but fr ankarna and cassandra are So much more marketable as a pantheon im dead fucking serious. doubt and the unknown? good and important, but in Marketing you have to add a bunch of shit to clarify intention like "stepping off the path and into the unknown is the first step to finding a better one" and "sometimes doubt and mystery is the path to the truth" and like. thats a lot to tack on. BUT if the goddess of Doubt and the goddess of New Beginnings are a package deal, BADA BING BADA BOOM you dont need to add a fuck ton of mortal interpretation to the divinity!
here is the doubt and mystery to lead you from your old ways! here is the dawn of the new ways you'll find!
it is good to be comfortable in the dark, but it is much more palletable to have a promise of eventual light
#this is to say their church should pop the fuck off#AND IF THEY GET THE GALICEA GODDESS OF CHANGE GOING ON TOO? oooohohohoho#and fuck it throw ruvina in there too for comfort in the dark and cold#we got our Comfort In Pain goddess our Embrace The Unknown goddess our Change Is Normal goddess and our New Beginnings goddess#they could pop the fuck off#fhjy
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i have yet to make a follow up / update on eden's demeanor / personality post 2.1 story, but let me say this : i do stand firm on my hc of her being more distant ( and even standoffish ) with those she doesn't know well if our muses meet after or during penacony story. however, if you see eden being more casual / less-guarded with certain muses ( whether they're from penacony or not ), it's likely because 1) it's a relationship that was developed prior to penacony, 2) i know the mun well or 3) it's plotted / circumstance-based. please don't assume that eden would be friendly or puppy-like with any muses like she used to be prior to penacony story release.
#.ooc#[ i hope that doesn't come off as aggressive or anything ;;#but i want to emphasize on the fact that the way i write eden IS different now#she is cautious & distrusting with new people and can come off quite cold in some cases#tho you might not see it much atm bc i mostly answer things from muses she's comfortable with#or with muns i know well#so her demeanor with them do not change and doesn't reflect the new ' persona ' i adapt with her#i'll make a follow up post on it later ! esp bc many things in 2.1 story really enforced her to have her guard up even higher ]
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my nightmares are so fucked up because almost every single one of them start out as dreams and then suddenly my worst anxieties are coming true, or iβm on the cusp of death or someone i care about is killed before me or wherever i was is actually a plot to kidnap me ect ect like REM why you gotta do me like that
#often i have the same nightmares so i can kinda tell (canβt pull myself out of it but i can still tell)#most other times though they start off good#like this one (i also donβt dream mostly about fantasy stuff itβs actually realistic stuff#which is scarier) i was at a board meeting like the one on saturday and it was actually going well i liked my group and they liked me and i#was comfortable enough to eat around them and it was great when suddenly a person in hindsight i donβt even know#(everyone else in the dream was on the board) was like βumm you need to not wear thatβ i was wearing biker shorts and so were some other#people and they said i needed to triple diaper up or something because it was gross and they were uncomfortable#one person came to my defense only to be like actually yeah and this was in front of EVERYONE and i was all alone and i wasnβt at home so i#couldnβt change and the room was so quiet and cold and suddenly everyone who was at my table wasnβt there#and i was so embarrassed and i stopped eating and was doing everything not to cry#which is insane thatβs and insane thing to dream or even think about but alas#eris: text#anyway good morning alajanjsjsjsk
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ππππ: // tag dump: relationships
π₯πππππ‘ππ‘ππ: // between the different shades of you. Β [ Luke & Maeve ]
π₯πππππππππππ‘π: // a dangerous hope. Β [ Hotch & Maeve ]
πππππ₯ππππ©πππ: // change your taste in men. Β [ Elias & Maeve ]
πππππππππππ: // but trauma is immortal and none of this is your fault. Β [ Jami & Maeve ]
πππππππππππ: // but I keep coming back this must be serious. Β [ Kiwi & Maeve ]
πππππππππππ: //Β been in pain but not a quitter. Β [ Savannah & Maeve ]
πππππππππππ: // the only thing sure from the start. Β [ Jill & Maeve ]
πππ‘π©ππ₯π¦πππ¦π : // remember the fire remember her face. Β [ Carol & Maeve ]
ππ’π§ππ¦ππππ¦π’πππ€π¨ππ¦π§ππ’π‘: // all those wonders sit in wait. Β [ Kurt & Maeve ]
ππππ’ππ©ππππππ: // wake me up before Iβm gone. Β [ Chloe & Maeve ]
πππππππππ: // at my own funeral I donβt recognize myself anymore. Β [ Xandra & Maeve ]
ππππππππππππππ: // many moons of waiting on a steady sun. Β [ Clara & Maeve ]
πππππππππ: // separationβs all that can save us love. Β [ Spencer & Maeve ]
ππππππππ: // I need you to tell me Iβm worthy. Β [ Ray & Maeve ]
ππππππππππ¦π§: // it's not the life you thought you'd live. Β [ Peter & Maeve ]
πππππ§ππππ: // if youβre lonely canβt you speak love. Β [ Felix & Maeve ]
ππππππ ππππππ: // the touch of his hands were as cold as his eyes. Β [ Bobby & Maeve ]
πππππππππππ: // it's like I heard your heartbeat call. Β [ Bethany Elliott ]
πππππππππππ: // give my soul just to see your face. Β [ Oliver Elliott ]
πππππππ ππππ: // I'm a long way from home now. Β [ Spencer & Maeve ]
πππππππππππππππ: // between comfort and chaos. Β [ Ruby & Maeve ]
#ππππ: // tag dump#πππππππππππ: // but trauma is immortal and none of this is your fault. Β [ Jami & Maeve ]#πππππππππππ: // but I keep coming back this must be serious. Β [ Kiwi & Maeve ]#πππππππππππ: //Β been in pain but not a quitter. Β [ Savannah & Maeve ]#πππ‘π©ππ₯π¦πππ¦π : // remember the fire remember her face. Β [ Carol & Maeve ]#ππ’π§ππ¦ππππ¦π’πππ€π¨ππ¦π§ππ’π‘: // all those wonders sit in wait. Β [ Kurt & Maeve ]#ππππ’ππ©ππππππ: // wake me up before Iβm gone. Β [ Chloe & Maeve ]#πππππππππ: // at my own funeral I donβt recognize myself anymore. Β [ Xandra & Maeve ]#ππππππππππππππ: // many moons of waiting on a steady sun. Β [ Clara & Maeve ]#πππππππππ: // separationβs all that can save us love. Β [ Spencer & Maeve ]#ππππππππ: // I need you to tell me Iβm worthy. Β [ Ray & Maeve ]#ππππππππππ¦π§: // it's not the life you thought you'd live. Β [ Peter & Maeve ]#πππππ§ππππ: // if youβre lonely canβt you speak love. Β [ Felix & Maeve ]#ππππππ ππππππ: // the touch of his hands were as cold as his eyes. Β [ Bobby & Maeve ]#πππππππππππ: // it's like I heard your heartbeat call. [ Bethany Elliott ]#πππππππππππ: // give my soul just to see your face. [ Oliver Elliott ]#πππππππππππ: // the only thing sure from the start. Β [ Jill & Maeve ]#πππππ₯ππππ©πππ: // change your taste in men. Β [ Elias & Maeve ]#πππππππ ππππ: // I'm a long way from home now. Β [ Spencer & Maeve ]#π₯πππππππππππ‘π: // a dangerous hope. Β [ Hotch & Maeve ]#π₯πππππ‘ππ‘ππ: // between the different shades of you. Β [ Luke & Maeve ]#πππππππππππππππ: // between comfort and chaos. Β [ Ruby & Maeve ]
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ugh got hit with this intense homesickness for like. the quintessential Northern Autumn Vibesβ’ again. i keep looking up pics of small town fall aesthetics and videos of ppl just walking through forests with all the pretty colors hghhhgfn i miss it ;___;
#spectre says#fall was always my fave season but it didn't last long#the colors were only there for maybe a few weeks at most before the snow showed up#and like. there WAS something beautiful about the first snow too don't get me wrong#but fall was a much more comfortable time of year where it was still chilly but not painfully cold#never got to do any of like. the farm-related stuff like hay rides or corn mazes growing up but part of me always wanted to#ok but :0 time to share a little thing#one of the most magical moments for me was the year before we moved. when i was swinging outside listening to professor layton music#and the world around me was so vibrant and the leaves were falling all around. absolutely picturesque#the air was crisp and clean and had that specific smell that signified the first snow was well on its way#i felt like i was in a dream and i savored that moment because i knew it would probably be my last time experiencing it#so far i was right. haven't experienced that again since#hoping to change that someday.#don't know when but i Gotta#delete later probably
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This evening my dad took my brother and me out to dinner. We went to one of the areaβs best Chinese restaurants. The servings are huge. Three of us split two entrees and some appetizers. It felt like a bargain (for my dad, because he paid!).
Afterwards we went over to the nearby brewery. It was pleasantly busy. This 10-ounce dog was at the table next to us. For a pet that could easily be accidentally squished like a bug he was pretty brave, hopping around an aisle trying to get more people to pet him.
Behind the dog is a guy wearing slides. Itβs 34Β° outside. What if he gets a flat tire on the way home? That will be cold. Iβd like to see what he wears this weekend when weβre supposed to get 4 to 8 inches of snow.
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Oh I think you donβt like Andy bc he offers stability and comfort. Steady job, house, normal family and you donβt want that
Normal family?!?? Andy?!?! I beg to differ hahaha. Unless you call raising a murderer normal!
But of course all i want is stability and comfort! I just want that with ARI π₯²π₯²π₯²
#wait this ask kinda opened my eyes a bit#bc why is movie!ari lowkey the opposite of stability and comfort#bro is an absentee dad and husband who gallivants around the world being a white savior#he is everywhere EXCEPT for at home ππππ#bro at least Andy was at home πππ#then againβ¦ the Ari in MY HEAD is a safe and warm and perfect daddy individual who offers the perfect stable life#AND YOU CANNOT CHANGE MY MIND#Andy is cold and clinical#his home would likewise be cold and uncomfortable#all ugly minimalist#anon
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i just noticed (thought that has been plaguing me for two weeks) that I accidentally made witch eclipse too emotional and now I have to rewrite (reverse thought process cuz the only thing written was a timeline) his personality to make him a little less uh that
#random#witch eclipse#i think with all the silly stuff i've been drawing with him i kinda just forgot that he's supposed to be cold and cruel and volatile#cuz the way he's coded at the moment means that he's not going to get the pendant by any means necessary so uh#that's gotta be changed somehow#i do like the way i've characterized him tho#in the witch au he's not really as...explosive? as the og eclipse?#like yea he's like that but also he's kinda just? there?#i dunno how to explain it#he was angry and lashing out and everything in the beginning#but after realizing that no one was around to comfort him for his outbreaks#he kinda just. stopped experiencing emotions#he repressed a lot of stuff#that's kinda where his current personality stems from#where he always has to be doing something to prevent his brain from thinking about things he doesn't want to think about#i dunno how I'm going to incorporate lunar into this tho#because his relationship with lunar is similar to how it is in cannon#except he's not verbally abusive to lunar#he's not really physically abusive either#well at least not directly#he doesn't really view lunar as a person#he sort of just sees him as an extension of the pendant and a way to figure out its secrets and whatnot#kc-as caring as he was with eclipse-sort of established the fact that eclipse was just a project to him#this feeling increased greatly after the Argument#but that's where eclipse's behavior towards lunar stems from#anyways#rambles#in the tags specifically#wonder how much of this is gonna save#witch au
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Me: I'm fine about my autism now btw, like I've come to terms with my fixated interests, limited tolerances and social inabilities. The alienation it brings is not ideal but it's just a reality I've gotta deal with now that I know it's just a part of who I am. I mean, it's not like an awkward conversation is gonna ruin anyone's life, is it? We'll both move on from it eventually. This is fine!
Also me: physically unable to watch beyond the first word of the first question of The Assembly because oh my god what if someone says something awkward or controversial or someone can't make themselves understood people are gonna get mad and scream about it online and I will freeze up and be stuck in the backlash forever I don't know how to handle conflict AT ALL let's just hide in the corner behind the sofa instead wait what if I became a hermit actually yeah yeah yeah that sounds good let's do that
#unresolved trauma? never even heard of her haha π
#maddie debrief#that 2-minute intro/taster did nothing to calm me down either btw#I'm never comfortable around the types of shows where 'difference' becomes the core conceit of the premise#oh. so you've created a format dependent on making a socially alienated group face the social rules that made them alien in the first place#and then deriving your conflict from the 'natural contradiction' between the two?#sounds like the exact kind of conflict-seeking environment where I can let my normal guard down enough to meaningfully challenge#my deeply rooted feeling that people generally find me cumbersome to be around and mostly just tolerate my presence out of necessity#lovely that#(like i say I haven't seen the show#so idk if it is actually like that or if it's just the promo material stirring shit up as per usual#but as of rn I do not feel welcome in this room)#why does the 'we're not so different after all' always have to come at the climax and never the midpoint of the story?#why can we never find more than personal gratification in that realisation?#why do we always focus on the difficulty of coming to the realisation rather than the conflict of putting the realisation into *practice*?#I know why#it is because the human imagination is far more limited than we like to believe#and we find it hard to even *imagine* a world that we haven't seen functioning for ourselves yet#let alone find a purpose in *acting* on the idea#(especially if we ourselves currently feel dependent on the status quo for our personal welfare#which is why shows made to depend on 'difference = conflict' make my blood run cold)#so if we have to see to believe - how many cases of real world functioning equity does the average person understand?#very few. so let's instead lazily invert the state of power in an existing dynamic that people are familiar with#thereby reaffirming its false dichotomy through perpetuating what is essentially the same old conflict#while claiming to subvert it when in fact all we have done is reverse the dominance while keeping everyone locked in their roles#can someone just put some thought into how we might create a format that aims to loosen up the underlying skewed power dyanmic#so that everyone has to work together to prevent the elevation of a single way of being over all others#because that just becomes suffocating to *everyone* in the end#and that can still *acknowledge difference* but not as a source of conflict - rather as a source of collective strength?#but the story of changing one perspective will always be easier to both tell and enjoy than the one about building something new
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Iβm writing doctor who fanfiction as though i donβt also have the Art in the Pre-Apocalypse thing to write for school
#updates from cipher#i have ideas for it though i think itβs gonna be a personal narrative about the effects of climate change in my life#about how it doesnβt snow here anymore and the cold comfort it is that i can walk around in shorts in december
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