#cocktail of EVERY personality disorder

[grits-galraisedinthesouth]

"We are just happy, we have joy, filled with joy"- The Meghans on their life as 43% Nigerians

So Happy Together

#6 on Suits marries #6 in LOS celebrates #6 Anniversary = 666 ginge & cringe

Juvenile Delinquents

[bansurii]

cocktail

cw: sukuna x reader x yuji }{ yuji has DID and sukuna is his other personality}{ smut, mental disorders, trigger warnings, just don't read it if you cannot handle mental illness discussions and things of the like }{ also reader is a psych major }{ reader choice at bottom for smut }{ unedited, wrote in an hour haha hope you enjoy }{mdni

you didn't expect anything at first. he was cute, he was talkative, he was gentle. you liked his vulnerability, his openness, his judgement-free zone, his carefree and childlike attitude. he was super fucking dope!

you had sex a couple times and it blew your fucking mind. better than anyone you had ever been with. as you started to get to know him more and better than before, you started to fall in love with him. albeit, there were growing feelings anyway from his plans for his life and the way he talked to you as if you had known each other for years. the chemistry was truly unparalleled.

he was everything you asked and more.

after a while, you began to notice subtle changes. small, but noticeable enough. and for a while, you said nothing.

until one night, he said something that made you realize something absolutely startling. it had you on the edge of your mental seat. physically, you were calm. or you'd hoped you looked calm.

he noticed how uneasy you got even if you were damn near unreadable. the part of him that became apparent to you, the version of himself that he tried hard to bury had come through in subtle ways. he knew it scared you, but it was hard for him to hold that part of himself back. he knew that only one of two things would happen whether you left or not.

his insanity would get the best of him and you would accept it, or he would wake up and realize you were gone. as if you had never existed. but the residuals were there. a mark left that could never be removed.

he was obsessed with you. you gave him something no one has given him in a very long time; kindness, vulnerability, friendship, everything he asked and more. you weren't afraid of him in the beginning like most were before. some say they saw someone in him that scared them beyond return. some say it was just his energy. but he wasn't sure what you saw. maybe you were naive. or maybe you knew it but shoved the thoughts and feelings down because you were going through a drought and needed it bad.

but he knew deep down and so did the part of himself he hid: you were the perfect one for him.

he didn't know how long this would last. hell, he didn't even think it would last this long. but he knew he wanted it. he knew he couldn't let you leave him. he knew he couldn't stay away from you. he needed you in every possible way.

he often wondered in the wee hours of the night and the morning if you knew how good it felt to be needed. to be desired. he wondered if you felt the same deep desire for him. he knows it was rather soon, too soon perhaps, that he liked you from the beginning. he was infatuated, but that soon grew to something longer-lasting, something more serious. he had truly never been so compatible with someone before. there were too many similarities and even with other people he knew and was compatible with, knew them for longer too, just never could compare to what he felt with you.

he had been alone so long he just couldn't fathom someone like this existed. someone who was... a universe inside of a human body. alone so long he didn't even know how to act right around someone else. he wasn't a great texter, or phone person in general. he preferred to be in person. he wanted the physical intimacy without the sex that you provided, the safe space, the ability to say nonsensical things and still be appreciated and laughed with and cared for and... loved.

so you visited him again after that night. it was about two weeks later, barely texted or called him this time. he wondered why. if it was something he did, if it was... the energy. if you saw the part of him he didn't want anyone to see.

the switch was slow, where normally it is quick. like a light switching off. but he had been holding onto the spotlight for so damn long... he could feel it switching but it was too late to tell you not to come over. you had already sent your eta and when he checked... you were right around the corner. he didn't want you to waste your trip, but he didn't have enough time to tell you to go back home. he barely had enough time to form the coherent thought before he took over. it was too late. he could only watch from the darkness surrounding him. he clawed, and screamed, and fought and tried his hardest to take the spotlight back but over that period of time, those years he held back, he had been weakened slowly but surely. he lost this time, but he had everything to gain through this. he just didn't know yet.

and when you arrived, he opened the door for you as he normally would and greeted you. he took your jacket, your shoes, your bag and he placed it on the racks by the door for you.

he was taller, you noticed, maybe a posture thing. he had a certain aura around him that was different than the aura you were used to. but otherwise, nothing out of the ordinary.

you wondered if he had done something different somewhere somehow. but you couldn't place your finger on it. the apartment was the same as usual. his hair was the same as usual. his eyes were a little darker, but everything else was the same. except for the mischievous smile as you turned your back to him to sit on his sofa.

it was a two seater, a slightly larger love-seat across from you and you expected him to sit there as he normally did. he said he always sat across from you because he wanted you to feel comfortable and because you were so pretty he wanted to see you at all times.

it was charming at first. but now, you wonder if there was something else... something behind the real reason he sat so far away.

he sat next to you. you wondered if he was alright, he was so quiet, so... calculative, it seemed.

"how are you tonight? you haven't texted or called as much as you usually do. you seeing someone else already?"

it was shocking hearing that. you wondered if he was alright but you were a bit too startled to voice it. you took a moment to look into his eyes. he seemed very serious about it despite his next comment.

"just kidding. i know you have a life outside of hanging out with me. you thirsty?"

you smiled and nodded, "no, i brought water."

he smirked, "good. if you change your mind, i've got plenty of drinks."

"thanks... how are you?"

"i'm good. even better now that you're here."

his smile was genuine this time, nothing wild about it. it was beautiful as usual, somehow even sexier. like a grown man, not a random uni student with nice features. this had to be someone different entirely.

and as you sat and stared at him more while he filled you in further on his past couple weeks of not speaking to you often--which he greatly emphasized--you realized just how different he did look when you stared closely, observed, and heard some things. they weren't the usual comments, usual witty remarks and the occasional whimsy responses.

"yuji, are you sure you're alright?"

and the smile you watched grow from normal to really big to verging on deranged shook you to your core.

"not yuji."

the hand on your thigh grew tighter, threatening to break through the fabric of your stockings and tear through your skin. you weren't sure why or how it was possible, but the look he was giving you, the feeling of the pressure on your body --even in places untouched-- really turned you on. he looked positively fucked out...

"i... don't understand..."

"dissociative identity... you should know that, miss psych major. but perhaps you haven't been able to focus lately because you were so focused with this... idea of who we really are... not talking to us for weeks... being scarce... making our chest hurt... you should know better, princess. we don't take lightly to being ignored. under any circumstances."

your heart nearly beat out of your chest. you couldn't focus properly on anything for some reason. it was like he was putting you in a trance with his voice and touch alone. and it took you a moment to realize his hand slowly started running upward, pressing into your sensitive spots, never touching where you needed him most, just smooth, subtle back and forth very close and too far.

"oh."

a breathless response was all you could offer... and in turn, it was all he needed. he knew you wanted him even more after figuring this out. he knew you liked this "hurt little lamb with a side of wolf" idea of him. he knew exactly what you wanted, what you liked, and what you needed. he had plenty of time to learn you through the lenses of the child he shared a body with.

he just needed you pliant and willing, which you already were. he liked that, less effort for him to sway your mind.

because if princess treatment was what you wanted, he would serve it on a golden platter. he already knew you liked the other version of him enough, he knew you were ready for the switch even if you thought you weren't ready for the switch. but you would assimilate accordingly. right?

he would give you what you wanted and what you needed. he would pretend he needed saving so you could... heal him. he would be everything you needed him to be. and he would trap you with the baby he would help you raise. you were... breedable. he liked that a lot. he needed it.

his touches were needier, he grew closer, his lips whispering sweet promises of what was to come in your ear, kissing lightly up and down your neck, sucking on that sensitive little spot on your neck. pulled you closer so he could trail those kisses and bites down your shoulder.

he pulled that cute sweater off so he could see your beautiful body, he was gentle with a hint of aggression. he wanted you to feel comfortable yet desired fiercely. he needed to spear you. he needed to feel every part of you.

usually there was a condom readily available. but oh, so conveniently... "i ran out."

you were too turned on and turned out by him at this point to stop him. he was clean... and so were you... so there wasn't a problem. right?

he made quick work of your bra, licking your chest and making sure to leave those hickies you both loved so dearly. he made the sweetest love to your breasts. licking, sucking, kneading the other in one hand and switching between each nipple, each mound of flesh.

he loved your breathlessness, your soft moans, your fingers in his hair, the one rubbing up and down his arm to his back. the wet lips, the heavy breaths... and most of all those eyes... so fucked and barely touched... so sensitive...

he wanted to steal all of you from everyone you knew, everything you did daily, he wanted to have you all to himself every day in every kind of way.

he needed to see you from sun up to sun down.

he made quick work of your skirt and stockings, the pretty thong soaked in your nectar was a sight to behold. he took a mental screenshot, one he would recreate later... if you were willing.

he removed the thong, slowly being sucked between those beautiful lips with every growing second of your arousal. he made sure to pull from the center of the thing, pushing his finger between your lips purposely as he pulled the center back and tugged, leaving his finger soaked and your pussy wanting...

he lifted your legs as he pulled the thong down, but he liked the residue of your arousal nearby, so he left it wrapped around one thigh. entirely naked for him, open and ready and he barely touched you.

he wasn't sure if he wanted to eat you out, fuck you silly, or watch you do it all yourself and struggle to take all of him without his help...

he knew yuji liked doing all the work, pure princess treatment. but this time, he wanted to remove those privileges... punishment for his pretty princess this time...

which one?

[justsome-di]

Now a Pulitzer Prize winning book (don’t fact check this, just trust me) and featured on Obama’s 2023 Summer Reading List!

You should be reading Nobody Ends Up Dead in a Bathtub, Everyone Keeps Their Organs! Why? See above.

It’s a good story if I do say so myself. And if you read it, you’re a cool kid. Don’t you want to be a cool kid? This is something called peer pressure, and it usually works.

But for real, if you read Nobody Ends Up Dead then you’re going to go on a good adventure with good characters I guarantee you will love. Not to brag, but it is a pretty good story. There’s funny one-liners, a cute plot, and relatable characters that have been developed for years. Just heed warnings at the beginning of chapters. NEUD deals with some heavy topics such as eating disorders.

NEUD is officially all online for free. But you can still access bonus chapters and short stories on Patreon for only $4.

Links: 

AO3

Wattpad

Patreon (Patrons had early access to the whole novel and also get exclusive short stories with the characters and sneak peaks for new projects!)

Netflix Previews

Characters’ Playlists

You can also check out my carrd if there are any updates to how/where I post, it’ll probably be the most accurate place to find new or updated links.

Transcript under cut:

The Story is Dope

A New York office worker and a sex worker get set up on a date--one thinking it's a real blind date, the other under the impression it's an ordinary appointment. After realizing it was all a shitty prank, they set out for revenge. Their plan: show up to an upcoming Halloween office party as a genuine couple, convincing the pranksters they genuinely fell in love and refusing to let themselves become the butt of the joke.

Our main characters are Alex, an awkward admin assistant for a medical company who hasn't been on a date since he was a teenager, and Damián, a sex worker who seems way out of Alex's league but keeps insisting on spending time with him so they can perfect their revenge scheme.

The novel features a diverse cast and explores sex positivity. I also like to believe that it portrays sex work well. Damián is a hardworking man, doing what he loves, and meeting mostly great people along the way--but he also would benefit greatly if sex work was decriminalized and therefore had better resources at his disposal.

If you're looking for a story with LGBT characters that's mostly light-hearted but still packs a punch every few chapters, this is it! Overall, it's a happy story.

The Characters!

oh boy the characters!

we got Damián who's hardworking and doting on his lil bro but oh wow does he have some angst

we got Alex who is nothing more than a burning ball of anxiety trying his best--all too relatable

Leo, Damián's bro, is an ally, and he will make sure everyone knows. Also has angst.

Eve, Alex's lil sister, is an edgy teen who's failing calc and runs a queer book club

together, they're a weird lil dysfunctional family

I'll be honest. There's a lot of love in this story. From me and among the characters. The characters love each other, and I think the readers love them, too.

It touches on a lot of loneliness--inspired by how I've felt since Covid started--and a lot of the conflicting emotions that come with being gay. What happy endings do we deserve? What about happy middles?

It's a touching book about learning to be a better person and finding people who love you--platonically and romantically.

Here are some of my fave parts:

And then there was a streak of gray hair that shocked Alex. A streak of gray hair off to the side, nestled close to a salt and pepper beard. Textured hands held cocktails. Little, subtle lines creased when mouths laughed. Alex held his breath. On the packed floor, they were the only people Alex could see. They were laughing and holding each other and enjoying themselves, firmly in the place they knew they belonged. Flashes of teeth pressed against each other, disappearing for long seconds at a time.

--

“Sorry,” Alex said. “Your arm got heavy on top of me.” “You’re a little mouse of a man. I didn’t mean to crush you.” “I’m what?”

--

“A dog!” Damián cooed as he sat across from the lesbians. “His name is Yam,” Martin said.

“His name is Yam,” Damián cried. Kris and Clara released Yam and gently nudged him to Damián. Ecstatic, Damián picked him up and set him on his lap. “His name is Yam,” he repeated to Alex. “I heard.”

--

But he couldn’t deny that he was having a good time. It was like intense yoga with the perk of having a cock shoved up his ass. He was going to feel limber as fuck after.

--

“Can I do anything?” Alex asked. “To help cheer you up?”

“You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I’d like to. If you let me.”

--

“Wow this sounds great where can I read it?”

Tumblr @justsome-di

Watpadd @justsome-di

Patreon @just some di (link on Tumblr)

AO3 @justsome_di

Updates every friday!

[potatoisasnake]

Official post of my contribution to the 2024 disabledstuck zine

This took so long I feel like I evolved art styles halfway through

Link ⬇️

https://harspoonz.itch.io/disabledstuck-zine-2024

I'm gonna get mildly sappy/personal talking about my thoughts while makeing this. Be warned

I was a teen when I discovered I have fibromyalgia and Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. since then iv been on a cocktail of pain meds and had issues of substance abuse.

I wasn't even safe in the mental health department becuase I got the 3 for 1 special on developmental disorders. (ASD, ADHD, OCD) For whichever ailment gave me minor hallucinations is still up in the air but bottom line. I got em. 😐😐😐

With all that information, seeing a young stoner with hallucinations and delusion I was sold. I know he flawed you don't have to tell me twice!!! I just think he's neat.

I'm nonfunctional without my meds. I get scared thinking about world disasters makeing my meds unobtainable and I just stop working. I don't know if I'd die or go insane first. I think back to when gamzee just ran out of sopar and bum myself out even more 😭.

I tried a new method of drawing objects. I would work on a seprate canvas and practice drawings of pie tins, faygo bottles, and trash. Once I got bored I did a more detailed render with a reference next to me. Then I would import it in and shrink it to fit. They got better incorporated with lighting later. Idk how to feel about it becuase they look to real?

I try to one-up myself every year for this zine. I think I did better then last year/ had more fun drawing this.

[steviebunny]

Pretty Astute Observations

Entrée (part 1)

09:00

“Well, thanks to Freddie Lounds, there's an unconfirmed story floating out there that The Chesapeake Ripper's already in custody.” 

“Unconfirmed. Am I confirming? We’re Fact-checking for Freddie Lounds...”

“You're fact-checking for me.’

“I always feel a little nervous going into these places.”

“Why's that?”

“Afraid they won't let me out.” As Will says that he stumbles and begins to fall when he is caught by Lena. She smiles and simply responds “No need to worry, I feel the same way when I walk into the BSU.” She even winks at Jack…Will is really beginning to wonder how she gets away with expressing her true feelings to Crawford readily. Thats a matter for another time he supposes, awkwardly separating from Lena. Clearing his throat and adjusting his glasses. 

Jack says “Don't worry. I won't leave you here."

" Yeah, not today.”

—

09:10

Fredrick Chilton in what is either complete confidence or unassuming arrogance “Dr. Bloom just called me about you, Mr. Graham... or should I call you Dr. Graham?”

“I'm not a doctor.”

“You're not FBI either… what of your friend?” Chilton’s gaze goes to Lena scanning her from top to bottom. 

“He teaches at the academy, he’s got the temp.ID. I’ve got the real thing. Along with a few others…Has anyone ever told you you’ve got this uncanny resemblance to a manhattan ADA? Barba I think… met him back when I was with the BAU”

Chiltons jaw fixes into a frown. “Theres a distant relation, far cousins of somesort on the fathers side I believe. We’re not close.” 

“Funny I suppose, well Dr. Chilton we’re going to need to see the crime scene while it's still relatively undisturbed.”

“I assure you three, for something so disturbing, it is quite undisturbed.”

“Why was a nurse left alone with a prisoner in a high-security psychiatric hospital?” Will begins asking his questions of the situation.

“For the two years since he was brought here, Gideon behaved perfectly and gave every appearance of cooperating with attempts at therapy. As dictated by our present administrator, security around him was slightly... Relaxed. I cannot help feeling responsible myself for what happened. He sat directly across from me and I had no idea what he was hiding.”

“And now one of your staff is dead. I understand, doctor.”

“Mr. Graham's going to need to see the crime scene with as much privacy as you can provide”

“Oh, yes, that thing you do. You're quite the topic of conversation in, uh, psychiatric circles, Mr. Graham”

“Am I?” 

“Uh, yes. A unique cocktail of personality disorders and neuroses that make you a highly skilled profiler.”

“He empathizes with everyone Dr.Chilton…he doesn’t become the killer or agree and sympathize with their motivations just feels what they can. You’d think someone in your highly educated poition would understand the difference.”

“Well we are woefully short of material on your sort of thing, Mrs.Holmes.”

“Gibbs, Ms.Gibbs. Dr. Chilton.”

“Oh yes, horrible tragedy… forgive my forgetfullness.”

“We’d like to see the crimescene now.:

—

09:15

“So, Gideon was restrained?”

“Handcuffed.”

“He concealed a fork tine in the palm of his hand and used it to pick the lock. Where is he now?”

“In his cell. You'll note the removal of organs and the abdominal mutilations are all consistent with The Chesapeake Ripper.”

“So is the brutalization of the corpses, but that doesn't change the fact that The Ripper is still out there.”

“Jack, what I'm about to show you suggests otherwise.” The door buzzes open.

“Dr. Chilton consulted on the case when we failed to catch The Ripper after his last series of murders.”

“The reason you failed and kept failing to capture The Chesapeake Ripper...Was I already had him.”

Will’s eyes seem to glaze over as he examines the scene, almost swaying as he scans the room.

“As far as we know, it's been over two years since the Chesapeake Ripper killed?”

“That's correct.”

“When was Gideon admitted?”

“Almost two years ago.”

---

05:00

“Yet another early morning for us Ms. Gibbs.”

“You requested to see me this time, Dr. Letcer”

“I did.” His sad smile widened towards the redhead “It has come to my attention that I know a fair few things about you, only from the papers. I’m hoping we can rectify that.”

“What’s there to rectify?” She shrugs, “I have an affinity for loving intelligent and stoic people, maybe to my detriment. My father has killed for me, my career is my life. Arguably the first and last of those things are also because of my father.”

“That's a fascinating way to phrase Agent Gibbs being a federally acknowledged hero. The largest number of commendations in Naval investigations, yes?”

“Killing is killing is it not?”

“To some…What of your mother, Lena?”

She scoffs and stands from her seat, then moves to rest her back along the ladder in the office.

“Dead. She and my younger sister. Murdered. Papa’s spent his life keeping me safe and dedicated to taking down the scum who are responsible for such things.”

“Is that not admirable?” He asks leaning his chin into his hand. His face is still plain but something behind his eyes changes. A new understanding.

“Sure it’s admirable…but it messes someone up does it not? Will would like him, he builds boats by hand in his basement.”

“Is he the ‘messed up’ one or are you Lena?”

“Both…I mean look at my track record. Papa joined the Marines, then took down druglords and terrorists for a living, I joined the Marines like him and went to work for the FBI, taking down serial criminals and maniacs for a living. When Jack made that go to shit, I fled, fell in love with a man who solved puzzles, and took down terrorists for a living…Even if it meant sacrificing himself in the process.”

“It's quite the pattern isn’t it?”

“What about you Dr. Lecter, how’d your parents screw you up?”

“They passed away.”

“Would you like a hug, Hannibal?”

“A hug?”

“I have a friend that once said a good hug tells you all you need to know about a person…so” Lena stands with her arms out-stretched for him.

And Hannibal readily accepts.

----

09:20

“She has the same wound pattern as the last-known victim of The Chesapeake Ripper. I mean exact”

“We never found a body for his last known victim.”

“Then the victim before that.” Will flails his wrists a bit looking peaky, his brown glistening with sweat.“I see The Ripper, but I don't...Feel The Ripper. This is plagiarism”

“We never made the wound patterns for any of The Ripper's victims public.”

“Well, maybe he is The Ripper. I don't know.”

“But if he's a plagiarist, the real Chesapeake Ripper is gonna make sure everybody knows it.” Jack sighs. 

“Well, there’s nothing more that Will can do now, so that means I don't need to be here.” As Lena begins to ascend the steps back from the scene Dr. Chilton moves to block her path. 

“Agent Gibbs, while you're here how would you like to accompany me to an event this afternoon.”

“An event?”

“A show, I have spare tickets.”

“I do love theater but I’ve already got plans, sorry.”

“You do..?”

Lena looks behind her maybe begging for one of the other men to give her a way out of this, but of course. They are useless.

“Yes! Actually, Will is introducing me to his dogs today, aren’t you Will?” The man in question looks perturbed but plays along. “I am. Dr. Lecter was supposed to feed them for me today but I suppose Lena talked him out of it this morning.”

“That I did! Now if you’d excuse us Dr. Chilton it's a long drive to Wolftrap.” She says as she pushes past Frederick and quickly jogs up the rest of the steps.

---

"It's hard to understand everything's so... twisted and hard to explain."

[sherlock-is-ace]

Just some thoughts about DID Holmes in Sherlock & Co.

I need to preface this by saying I don't have DID, all I know about it is from reading and hearing people who do have DID talk about their experience. I can be wrong, I don't mean any harm by it and I encourage people to correct me (just please be kind).

Ok so in the Sherlock & Co. canon, Holmes has DID, amongst a variety of other things, which is a new and interesting thing to explore with this character. I'm not sure if we'll ever see it explored in the show, or if it'll just stay a part of a long list of what makes Sherlock neurodiverse. But I've been thinking about it and I'd like to dump my thoughts here.

I think it makes absolutely perfect sense for Sherlock Holmes to have DID. Even in the ACD canon, Holmes isn't known to have had a good childhood and a good relationship with his parents. Jeremy Brett liked to think Holmes didn't see his mother until he was like eight years old. Lots of neglect, coupled with the struggles of being a "difficult child" because of his perticular cocktail of disorders (ADHD, ASD, SPD, DMDD and ODD), is just the perfect recipe for repetitive childhood trauma that could very well develop into DID. There's no question in my mind that it was a good decision (at least an interesting one) to give Sherlock DID in this adaptation. And that got me thinking about how much he probably struggled with it.

I chose to believe that Sherlock achieved final fusion years before he met John. That's what makes the most sense to me. We know he's got official diagnoses for these things, so it would make sense to me that he got professional help for his DID as well. And based on his personality, and his need to be in control and know all the information available to him, I think final fusion would be the result he would have seeked, as opposed to functional multiplicity.

Now of course one can't logic their way out of neurodiversity, and one can't just logic their way into final fusion. But what works and doesn't work has to have some connection to the way someone is, and I think Sherlock Holmes would have worked his ass out in therapy to achieve final fusion because I think it would have been a horrible time for a man like him.

I'm thinking about how he would handle the amnesia (we know his views in memory and identity), the loss of control when a different alter fronted, the confusion of "waking up" in a completely different part of town, disassociating in the middle of important (or interesting) tasks, etc. etc. I also think that perhaps, his addiction could have been a result of a persecutor alter.

As someone who struggles with communication because of his autism, I think perhaps that could also affect Holmes' communication with his alters. I genuinely don't know if that could be a thing or not, I've never met anyone who had DID and autism so I'm not sure how correct that assumption is. But if that communication was also a struggle, it would explain why functional multiplicity wouldn't work as well.

And I don't know, perhaps we'll have more glimpses into Sherlock's past in the podcast, and we'll learn more about his DID diagnosis, perhaps he hasn't achieved final fusion, perhaps he very much still struggles with switches and memory loss. We don't know, but I do hope we get to explore it more! It ads a new layer of complexity to the character that we haven't seen in other adaptations, and I really love that!

We know that Sherlock Holmes is always neurodivergent, whether that is explicitly diagnosed in canon or not. The whole point of Sherlock Holmes as a character, from ACD canon to any modern version, is that he doesn't think like everyone else. That is literally the definition of neurodiversity. To take that away from Holmes is to destroy the character. But what this adaptation did, by giving a name to each and every trait of Holmes is very interesting and I hope they can handle it well! So far I've been very pleasently surprised by the way they have handled Sherlock's autism. It is very much a part of him and it informs his actions, but it is not all that he is. And maybe it's because Joel Emery's daughter is autistic so he has more knowledge about it than the other disorders, but I still hope we get to see more of that as well, especially Sherlock's DID.

Alright that's all kdjfhg

As I said, I don't have DID so take everything I said with a grain of salt. But if anyone has thoughts they'd like to share please come talk to me! :D And if anyone has DID and wants to share their thoughts about Sherlock & Co. thought the lense of someone with the disorder please do! I'd be very happy to read about it. (Also my ask is always open if anon is more comfy)

[skyfallscotland]

Hi there!

I’ve been researching a lot bc I’m sick of being in pain for no particular reason and If this is too personal, feel free to not answer this.

Were your EDS discovered when you were a child? Or when you were older? And how did it work? (Like the diagnosing part)

That’s ok! Of course some things are personal but when it comes to this I think it’s important to talk about it, because otherwise so many people suffer in silence 🖤

So sorry if anything’s come across misleading but I actually don’t have EDS. I have a plethora of other chronic illnesses that are often found as comorbidities with EDS. My personal cocktail includes chronic hemiplegic migraine, postural orthostatic tachycardia (which I see hints of in Violet too), nerve pain and chronic fatigue among others.

Basically my nervous system is 10/10 done with me and my cells and organs are like we’re gonna keep you alive…sort of…and that’s about it, don’t ask for more 😅

I was diagnosed with my hemiplegic migraines at 11 which was simple because it’s a classic presentation and they became chronic at 21. The nerve pain and the chronic fatigue and POTS came later. I had to fight every step of the way, especially because I'm a woman and suffer from generalised anxiety disorder, so it was very easy for doctors to fob me off as a hypochondriac.

If you think you might have EDS, I’d suggest talking to either a doctor or physiotherapist about it if you haven’t already and if they tell you it’s nothing, tell them you want them to persist until you have answers because no one should be living in pain.

I’ve diagnosed two friends now with hEDS 😂 (later confirmed by doctors) because it was easy to recognise and never picked up for them. I don't know anyone who was diagnosed as a kid personally (we're in our early 30's). One of them was confirmed after her kids were diagnosed (the daycare raised questions too) which I think was also the case for RY from memory, but I could be wrong? And the other her chiropractor mentioned it as well after I had, which pushed her to see a doctor.

I don't think there's much that they can/will do for you generally after diagnosis, it's more just guidance for preventative measures and assistive therapies and aids, at least in my friends' experience, but if you're having other comorbid issues there might be meds for those so it's worth asking 🫶

[theyanderespecialist]

Skipping Meals (Headcanons/Bonus) Yanderes Gears & Iceberg X Insecure Reader (SCP Foundation)

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! Now, I normally do not bump up requests often but this one from Tumblr stole my heart and I just got to do it!  the Request! 

-Can you please do a yandere Dr. Iceberg x insecure reader x dr gears with a reader who skips meals and stuff? Their my comfort characters, and I'm in recovery, so it would help a lot. Thanks- 

I now am assuming that meant Yandere Dr. Gears as well and trust me as someone who has had active eating disorders and body image in my life I understand the need for a comfort character. NOW Remember I do NOT Normally bump up stuff even for stuff that will help mental health (I Am slow with requests, this one just spoke to me so I can do it right away) now onto disclaimers! 

(Disclaimer: Dr. Gears and Dr. Iceberg are not yandere in canon! This is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine! Just do not be illegal or gross about it! You know who you are, you Dirty, Flaky, Biscuits! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Thank you!) 

-Yandere Headcanons With Dr. Gears and Dr. Iceberg Sharing Insecure Listener From The SCP Foundation Fandom- 

.Gears and Iceberg both decided to share you as they were both in obsessive love with you. 

.And if either of them were to share a darling with someone it would be each other. 

.They both loved you and you were to work under Dr. Gears alongside Dr. Iceberg. 

.Iceberg for once being glad he was at the rank he was at because it allowed him to be close to you. 

.Dr. Gears was also pleased with this work arrangement because it allowed both of them to keep a close eye on you and make sure that you remained theirs. 

.Of course, this allowed them to see your insecurities and issues with eating. 

.How you were insecure with how you looked and would skip meals because of it. 

.How you would almost pass out because you skipped so many meals. 

.It worried them both. 

.They both have different ways of handling your issues with your meals. 

.Dr. Iceberg packs to lunch and always offers you one, wearing you down until you join him for lunch and eat. 

.Do not worry it is healthy food, that tastes good, and is good for you. 

.He also makes sure that if anyone is saying anything to make you feel insecure their office has a Molotov cocktail thrown into it the next day. 

.Bonus points if the said person was in there when it went off. 

.Dr. Gears on the other hand is far more direct. 

.He would force you to look at him and demand to know why you are not eating. 

.He states the facts about what it will do to you, and how you are hurting yourself more than anything. 

.He is blunt and forward about the risks of skipping meals, but then he tells you sweet things.  .Of course, these sweet things that he tells you are in his monotone voice, but he means every word. 

.They both find you to be the most stunning person and want you healthy and happy. 

.Which does mean that you do not skip meals either. 

.Dr. Gears would also take to making healthy and yummy meals as well, and he would insist that you eat with the two of them, so they can make sure you eat the right amount and that you did not develop an eating disorder. 

.For the insecurities you have they would shower you with compliments and show their love to you. 

.To show you how much they adore you and how much they love you. 

.How stunning you are to them and how much they cherish you. 

.They would help build up your self-esteem and they would build you up. 

.Of course, then there are their yandere sides. 

.They would hurt the people that try to hurt you. 

.Dr.  Gears have a lot of them demoted to D Class. They ended up being dealt with SCPs very fast. 

.They would do this not just by hurting you but with them doing even little comments. 

.They do not tolerate this, even if the people doing it by talking behind your back. 

.Dr. Iceberg has his snappish temper with his yandere side, and that is with him lashing out and even putting his hands on people who try and break you down. 

.Now if they had rivals they can be a bit toxic and make rumors, rumors they know that will get to you. 

.Where the rivals had been "talking" stuff about you that you are sensitive about. 

.This way you would not want to be with the rival and they have an excuse to get rid of the rival. 

.They are ruthless with their rivals and doing that, that way you would depend on them and only trust them. 

.They made sure that you could only love them and this way no one else can have you~  .You belong to them and them alone. 

.They confessed to you together, sharing both of their feelings and that they wanted to share you. 

.They would not take no for an answer and would manipulate you so they could have you as their darling. 

.In the end, you are dating them and they actually make you feel more confident. 

.They are the best choice for you after all. 

[I did not get an answer for a scenario so I am going to make one because I can!] 

(Comfort and Lunch) (Yandere Dr. Gears and Yandere Dr. Iceberg, Sharing you) 

(No One's POV) 

They were worried for you, (Name), and how you were skipping meals. They did not want you to starve yourself and that is what they thought you were doing. So they had been having you joining them for meals. Both take turns to cook for you. So they knew that they would have healthy and tasty meals for you. Today was one of the days they both cooked a little bit for you. You were having a hard time eating today as you poked at the meal that Gears and Iceberg had made small parts of food for you.  "You need to eat." Dr. Gears says.  "I am not that hungry." You lie to them, the truth is, you are starving and skipped dinner and breakfast.  "I heard your stomach growling." Dr. Iceberg says. "You also are lightheaded from lack of food. Eat it or I will feed you it."  "You are beautiful, (Name)." Dr. Gears interjects. "Your body is perfect the way it is, you do not need to lose weight for anyone. Least of all us." 

"Us?" You asked confused and the two of them looked at each other before they both nodded.  "Yes, us." Dr. Gears confirms and wipes his mouth. "We are in love with you (Name), and we want to share you."  "W-What!?" You stuttered out shocked.  "You heard him, snowflake." Dr. Iceberg says. "We are in love with you, and you are ours, it is our job to take care of you. So eat."  You looked at them in shock, but slowly picked up your fork and ate. This was so confusing! 

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another chapter is done! I hope you all enjoyed this, and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!] 

[angel-chiarelli]

[ andrew garfield, cisgender man, he/him ] — spotted in the streets of brooklyn, it’s ANGELO 'ANGEL' CHIARELLI they have lived in the city for TEN YEARS, working as a BARTENDER AT RAINBOW RHYTHM and MUSIC PROFESSOR AT NYU. the 38 year old will probably be seen around BUSHWICK a lot, seeing as that’s where they live. people say they can be a bit FRIVIOLOUS and INDULGENT, but friends know them to be KIND and PASSIONATE. you know for sure you’ve found them when you’ve come across A PIANO BEING PLAYED IN A DISTANT ROOM, ITALIAN DISHES MADE FROM SCRATCH, FEELING ALONE IN A CROWDED ROOM. welcome to brooklyn, it’s been waiting for you!

basics

full name: angelo 'angel' luca chiarelli nicknames: angel age: 38 date of birth: october 13th, 1986 zodiac: libra sun, leo rising, libra moon gender & pronouns: cisgender man, he/him relationship status: single sexuality: homosexual spoken languages: english and italian(native language) occupation: bartender at rainbow rhythm, part-time music professor at nyu

appearance

face claim: andrew garfield height: 5'10"(177.80 cm) dominant hand: left hair color: brown eye color: brown distinguishing features: tbd tattoos: n/a

personality

positive traits: kind, understanding, intelligent, gentle, passionate negative traits: frivolous, impulsive, gullible, indulgent, envious

mentality

phobias: fear of being alone, fear of being forgotten disorders: depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder allergies: n/a

background

hometown: florence, italy birthplace: florence, italy education level: master’s in music

headcanons

moved to brooklyn after going through a pretty rough divorce with his now ex-wife. angel only married a woman because he knew it was what his parents wanted for him and he didn't have the courage to tell them that he's not attracted to women. the marriage was short-lived, having lasted for less than 5 years.

his bipolar disorder is undiagnosed, mostly because he hasn't been to a psychologist before. angel is aware to some degree that he tends to go through highs and lows(mania and depression), but chalks them up to feeling affected by whatever's going on in his life. when in a depressive period he's able to function, he just isn't as lively as usual and keeps to himself more. this is just the part he lets other people see about that aspect of himself, behind closed doors there's much more to it.

he observes and celebrates most jewish holidays because of his upbringing, as he comes from jewish heritage. angel makes it a point to travel back to italy every year for hannukah, it's important to him that he celebrates it with his family. growing up the significance of his culture and heritage wasn't lost on him, his family made it clear that it wasn't something to be taken lightly.

his parents own a vineyard in florence, which is part of why he chose to work as bartender at rainbow rhythmroom. while most of his knowledge about alcohol is limited to wine, angel has been spending recent months educating himself on liquor. he does enjoy some cocktails but holds a certain fondness for wine, specifically rosé

frequently throws extravagant parties because he enjoys being surrounded by people. it makes him feel less alone, which is a feeling he's struggled with for a lot of his life. only the closest of his friends would know that the parties he throws are his way of trying to get people to like him. when his home isn't full of intoxicated partygoers, he can be found playing piano, writing music, or writing poetry. despite what many might think, he's rather quiet in his down time. knows how to play piano and has a degree in music, but never pursued it as a career. angel considers music his true passion, it allows him to express feelings he doesn't know how to put into words. he doesn't necessarily want to perform, though he will on occasion for smaller get-togethers.

[abimee]

i have a cocktail of neurodivergences because when one thing goes wrong in your brain you usually develop 3 carry-on disorders free of charge but the thing that always sucks most is when you have a ''neurodivergent disorder'' that has zero upsides. like you get bombarbed by tiktoks and posts about how great it can be to have ADHD or autism and all these upsides because they alter how you function in positive and negative ways, but as someone with combination OCD-BP (WHICH MAKES THE BIPOLAR WORSE AND HARDER TO TREAT THAN NON-OCD BP) you get every single downside symptom and zero of the ups

like congratulations if your ADHD makes you more aware of the emotions of others or capable of taking on multiple tasks, but here comes bipolar with the steel chair of ''if i see a single other person whos slightly better than me at this thing i just picked up i will ruin everyones day including myself because IM supposed to be the most special person on earth''. I see something that makes me excited/overly happy due to my autism? well here comes the mania triggered by the sudden elation in mood and therefore ill go from ''im so excited and happy!!" to "i can get into a car right now and drive it despite never having been behind the wheel before because life is so perfect that basic laws of physics dont apply to me because the world is so amazing like that!!"

get a new hyperfixation? how long do you think it will last. 3 months? a year? well here comes mania with the ''you will think about this every day for hours on end for 6+ years straight and it will always be VERY sexual because you have hypersexuality problems and just dont know it and even if youre not longer interested in this thing you will be unable to stop thinking about it because it is part of your life now!"

but theres one upside to bipolar disorder that nobody tells you. and that is that you have bipolar, and therefore are capable of telling the world of its existence and to get people to understand this incurable, disabling disorder with many facets from impulse control to mood swings to psychotic behavior to obsessive tendencies, and you have the power to let one more person in the world know its exists and to get them to learn more about it and respect and understand bipolar disorder. and that can make the world a little easier to live in when youre struggling with bipolar

[frostbounddevotion]

My personal written Eulogy to Gojo and my VERY BRIEF take on the final chapter: and what I hope to share with Gojo fans.

Im grieving, and I'm upset. Theories about Gojo and the analogies, etc, make me almost mad. A possible reality i DO NOT want to think about. The more I read, the more im like

*Gege's writing needs work. Maybe a novel series on his own own time? Maybe he can "fix" it when his health is better and the pressure doesn't break him down?*

This is all so depressing. The disappointment is insurmountable. Gojo was used and abused in canon, some would even argue irl by Gege to promote the series. The fact that Gojo wasn't recognized or formally acknowledged is hard for the fans, really hard (and Gojo isn't my #1 bias/fav so please don't say it only affects Gojo stans), and it gives an air of vunerable feelings and unprocessed emotions. What makes me more upset is the very last panel. It seems like the entire journey was a waste.

Many will defend the ending, and many more will ciriticise it, but I can still acknowledge and respect why it ended the way it did while still being upset. Neither experience lives in a vacuum.

In my own little way, I'm going to mourn and commemorate Gojo's passing. Stories, fictional or not, still provide very real and (parasocial) experiences. So here we go:

Gojo was a flawed character. Very much like people in real life. We tend to romanticize the dead, overlooking our flaws. When I remember a loved one who's passed, I start with their flaws.

Gojo was an annoying, inconsiderate character who sometimes was cold and callous to other's experiences/feelings. He's a big fat inconvenience at times and generally makes others feel unimportant or small. Much hubris lies within him.

However, he had lead a very hard and selfless life from beggining to the end. From his first heartbeat to his last breath. And that should be considered when addressing his behavior. He was seen for what he can do, not for what he loved and enjoyed. His identity outside the 6 eyes and infinity was secondary. His worth in the jujutsu world came not from the relationships he could have formed, but the strength in his abilities. This experience isn't unique in the jujutsu world, as many other sorcerers walked away and tried to start their own life. But when this world and role becomes your identity and reason for your existence, it becomes even harder to escape.

I think many of us can relate to that. The burdens of our own thoughts and opinions of others can gravely impact our identity. Our beliefs, values, and sense of self worth affects the way we interact with the world around us.

Despite being used, propped up for others benefit, and his body being used as a means for an end WITHOUT even a thank you, recognition, or appreciation for the person behind it is foul. From fighting the school to protect his students,To making his life purpose for children to ENJOY their youth (and breaking cycles), to 14-21 hours of sleep a week being his life without complaint, just to be blamed of all that is wrong in jujutsu's way of life but still getting every job done, and his only semblance of an understanding relationshionship being ripped away by the world that gives you meaning.... geeze.... and this man still chooses to smile. To live everyday with that much goofy adhd energy without taking his resentment out of someone or something (*unlikegetocough*) takes STRENGTH and RESILIENCE. It takes GRACE. It takes SELFESS SACRIFICE.

These feelings are something I struggle with everyday. Gojo became a singlr parental figure to a 6 yr old boy as a teen. He took it in stride. My little boy is the same age now. My little one (FJO) is.... on the spectrum and has a cocktail disorders that make living in this world hard. He's angry. He is defiant. He is full of love and potential. Being a parent to FJO is isolating, immensely difficult, rarely rewarding, and time consuming especially in a world who doesn't respect or bother to understand him. And I have schools afraid of me because I held them accountable for not doing their job.

Parenting is complicated. You end up losing your identity, freedom, and sense of self when you do it alone with no resources. And that's for healthy parents with neurotyical children. Add the fact that the parent I were raised for being "amazing, smart, and worthwhile as long as you meet these standards that we set in place to satisfy us and thats all you're good for" to then you feel like you were robbed of your life. That you were emotionally abused by those who were supposed to love and care for you and your youth robbed for the benefit of your guardians. Only for your life to change and be robbed of your sense of self once again. My body (i am born female) is a vessel for others, my career is for the approval of others, my time and energy with about 4 hrs of asleep if given to other's, my money and savings is spent on others. I don't want my child or others to feel the way I felt when i was little, but it's hard when you remain unhealed. I was chronically bitter.

Im not saying gojo and I the same. But as someone with no blood family and role models, what i take away from Gojo is to that it's OK to have flaws, confidence, and sacrifice. Because to someone else, I am or may be their everything. In their little world, I am Gojo to them. The one who's doing it all. And for their sake, I should be smiling. I should never let FJO see how much I'm suffering (no worries I'm in therapy. I'm getting the help I need). I want to be better for him. I want to be the best version of myself I can be. It's ok that this part of my life is thankless. It's not about reward or recognition or what others placed on me. Sometimes it's just THIS WAY, and if I am to do this, I should do it well.

I will honor Gojo in the way I parent. In the way I carry myself. In the way I interact with others around me. I will protect like the vulnerable under my care like he did. Sacrifice like he did. Expect nothing like he did (in the best way possible). Do my best to break generational cycles like he did.

Gee. One more thing about his ending. The way everyone just moved on without acknowledging Gojo's body or person and almost forgotten... brought memories of my safety net; my Grandmother. Whom died and had a funeral, and i video chatted once before she was gone. I never properly finished grieving her. I never got a chance to attend her funeral. Never was able to visit her burial. (I live across the country). I cried for 2 days and moved on because losing her was too hard to process, and i had other things to do. I felt like I disrespected her, and the manga resurfaced these feelings. I was able to be self-aware enough that I saw my grandmother in how Gojo's ending was all handled. I was now able to process that.

I had no role models. All I had was anime, fiction, and some school teachers. I'm grateful for Gojo's character. May i use these stories to become a better person. A better *me*. The JJK experience was fun. :) let's see what happens in the anime community from here.

Thanks for reading,

Alex

[cybervom1t]

Is your depression co-morbid with anxiety or neurodivergent symptoms? Have you been diagnosed and offered treatment? Idk how old you are but it can get better, but it’s basically just getting used to the human condition, although the disease will still remain despite being healthily managed

okay so i am OFFICIALLY diagnosed with: borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, ADHD, PTSD, anger and attachment issues :’))))) i’m on a cocktail of medication but there’s no accessible therapy where i live (i mean, i have to travel 4 hours every month just to see my psychiatrist soooooo) and i KNOW i can get online therapy but god i am so technically illiterate it’s embarrassing for me being 25 and this bad with computers lmaoooo

[crowholtz]

hii! i absolutely adore helene crow!! you can answer as many/little as you want but here you go (and ty for the ask too)! 🧡🧡

-----

✈️ AIRPLANE — does your oc like traveling, or do they consider themselves a more homey person?

💍 RING — does your oc have any piercings? do they want any (more) piercings?

🎻 VIOLIN — does your oc play any instruments? what is their skill level (beginner/intermediate/advanced/virtuoso/etc)?

🩹 ADHESIVE BANDAGE — does your oc have any physical and/or mental disabilities?

🎶 MUSICAL NOTES — what type of music does your oc like? do they listen to music very often?

🚫 PROHIBITED — does your oc drink/smoke? do they do it regularly, or is it more on occasion or for special events?

🌈 RAINBOW — what is your oc's sexual orientation/gender identity? what pronouns do they use?

🐶 DOG FACE — does your oc have any pets?

🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits?

💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them?

💚 GREEN HEART — does your oc prefer being inside or outside?

🖤 BLACK HEART — has your oc killed or seriously wounded anyone before? have they broken someone's heart and/or broken someone's trust?

🍸 COCKTAIL GLASS — what is your oc's favorite alcoholic drink, if they can drink?

😖 CONFOUNDED FACE — is your oc an introvert, an extrovert, or an ambivert? do they let people in easily, or are they more reserved?

🧐 FACE WITH MONOCLE — is your oc more logical or emotional?

😓 DOWNCAST FACE WITH SWEAT — is your oc open-minded or stubborn? are they inquisitive or do they prefer to keep to their bubble of knowledge?

oh my GODS these are so many questions you're too kind. I'm going to answer them all because Helene is my babygirl

putting this on a read more bc it got long hehe

✈️ AIRPLANE — does your oc like traveling, or do they consider themselves a more homey person?

Helene hasn't traveled much in her life. She grew up in partially in a tiny fishing village on the Sword Coast, and then in the orphanage at the Citadel of Strategic Militancy not too far from Baldur's Gate. She'd visit the city every so often. The furthest she traveled was for the mission her church sent her on to kill some werewolves... where she ended up being sucked into Barovia lmao. Helene does not have much worldly experience. I'd say, while Helene does like flying through the skies, she doesn't like going far from home, wherever that may be. She likes to remain close to those she loves.

💍 RING — does your oc have any piercings? do they want any (more) piercings?

Just standard earlobe piercings! Much to my chagrin, Helene isn't one for body mods like tattoos or piercings.

🎻 VIOLIN — does your oc play any instruments? what is their skill level (beginner/intermediate/advanced/virtuoso/etc)?

Yes! Harpsichord (virtuoso), piano (virtuoso), cello (advanced). Helene's mother saved up for a harpsichord for Helene to start practicing at a very young age, because she had aspirations for her daughter to be in the upper echelons of society one day. Helene learned the cello during her time in the church, and I also associate the cello as her instrument theme.

🩹 ADHESIVE BANDAGE — does your oc have any physical and/or mental disabilities?

So I love translating some of my own and other real-life disabilities to my OCs, because I feel like they need to be represented and explored more in fictional narratives. Helene's unique physiology (which is a whole can of worms in and of itself that I could talk about) translates, basically, into her having Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, as well as Fibromyalgia. As far mental disorders, Helene has ADHD, Autism, Depression, PTSD, BPD, and **(OTHER PLAYERS IN MY CAMPAIGN DONT READ THIS)** Schizophrenia. The last one has actually been one I've been doing a lot of research on and talking to people about since I don't personally have it, but it's actually something that's recently triggered for her from the stresses and horrors of Barovia, having already run in her family. She's having a hard time figuring out if it's just Barovia being Barovia or her own head, which adds an extra layer to it all.

🎶 MUSICAL NOTES — what type of music does your oc like? do they listen to music very often?

She adores music! She's a goth, melancholic, macabre kinda girl, so she loves anything Strahd plays on his organ :p She's also fond of the battle hymns her Church taught her. She loves singing.

🚫 PROHIBITED — does your oc drink/smoke? do they do it regularly, or is it more on occasion or for special events?

You will very often see Helene with a glass of wine in her hand. She has a tendency to indulge to make herself feel better or forget the horrors. Usually in wine and true vampire blood (which has narcotic-life effects).

🌈 RAINBOW — what is your oc's sexual orientation/gender identity? what pronouns do they use?

cis female (she/her), demisexual!

🐶 DOG FACE — does your oc have any pets?

Milivoj, Viktor, Deyja... Not in the traditional, well-adjusted sense. She has an animated Strahd puppet she keeps as a pet. She also has her familiar, a celestial that usually takes the form of a Barovian Duskrat. Then she has her pegasus, Bluebell, but she doesn't know if she considers her a pet... Helene's always wanted a dog, though. She loves dogs.

🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits?

Hmm... questionable or neutral? I'm not sure how to answer this. Let's say...

Control freak. Feeling out of control is a no-go for Helene. She has to know things, she has to be directing things the way she wants them to go.

Politeness and social etiquette are very important to her, which is funny considering her dislike of politics. She was raised with a very heavy hand of etiquette. She is somehow both blunt and polite. To an extent.

Abhors politics. She's not great at talking to people or influencing people, and she's a terrible liar. She prefers when people are upfront and honest with her so she doesn't have to play guessing games with them.

💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them?

Strahd Strahd Strahd Strahd Strahd Strahd. Love in general is the most important thing to Helene. Getting love, giving love. She has a number of paramours, all so special to her in their own ways. She's possessive and deeply loving with all of them. But Strahd/Vasili feel like her soulmates.

💚 GREEN HEART — does your oc prefer being inside or outside?

Inside. Calmer inside. Cozier. Darker. Less overwhelming. The only exception is when she's flying in the skies, then that's where she feels most at home.

🖤 BLACK HEART — has your oc killed or seriously wounded anyone before? have they broken someone's heart and/or broken someone's trust?

well... that's where you're getting into the reason Helene turned into a fallen aasimar. to make a long story SUPER short - Helene's village was burned and eradicated by raiders when she was 11. After spending two years at an orphanage, Helene decided she wanted to take revenge, a strong desire for 'justice' in her mind. She snuck out from the orphanage, found the group of raiders and where they called 'home', and killed all of them one by one. Problem was, she wanted eye for an eye. When they killed her village, they left no one standing. So Helene slaughtered their non-combatant women and children too. Real Anakin moment, babe. Anyway she was so distraught and hated herself so much for it, she self-actualized her divinity away! Woo!

🍸 COCKTAIL GLASS — what is your oc's favorite alcoholic drink, if they can drink?

Red wine. She's taken a liking to Red Dragon Crush, but some of the best wine she's ever had was a very sweet and fruity red Strahd had procured specially for her.

😖 CONFOUNDED FACE — is your oc an introvert, an extrovert, or an ambivert? do they let people in easily, or are they more reserved?

Introvert. Helene loves getting praise and attention, but she doesn't let people in easily at all. Trust is hard. Trust is giving up control.

Also she thinks most people are stupid. She's a snob like that.

🧐 FACE WITH MONOCLE — is your oc more logical or emotional?

That's a fun one for her! She fluctuates between extremes, which includes very logical or very emotional. She's sort of ruled by her emotions, but the tries to act and think with logic.

😓 DOWNCAST FACE WITH SWEAT — is your oc open-minded or stubborn? are they inquisitive or do they prefer to keep to their bubble of knowledge?

She's actually pretty open-minded for most things. She does get stubborn about some of her own personal issues and flaws, but she's actually extremely curious. She wants to learn EVERYTHING. She soaks up things like a sponge. She likes talking to monsters and evil people cordially to get a view into their minds and motivations (as well as strengths and weaknesses)

[orangeteawithstevia]

I hate how people are kinder when I’m thinner. I understand the psychology behind it and that most are probably not intentionally doing it.

People always try to pretend this isn’t true, either out of misguided attempts to help anorexics/bulimics and also comfort overweight people.

I think that the majority of women that grew up fat and ended up with restrictive eating disorders had some moment where they realized that they would miss out on things that they wouldn’t miss out on if they were thin. This is not meant to be “meanspo” and I am in no way shape or form proana, but as much as people hate to admit/accept it, the world generally treats thin people better than fat people. I also want to clarify that while I’m against fat shaming and believe that being fat does not subtract from your value as a person, not to mention how I spent my childhood and teen years obese so I completely understand the experience, but I’m not going to lie and tell you that society values fat people just as much as skinny people. It’s horrible but it’s true. As a kid nobody told me that I was too fat to be able to have certain things, but deep down I always knew. It’s sort of like how when I was 13 and went out with some skinny girl friends to the pool, all the boys talked to them and ignored me. They were sweet and don’t want me to feel bad, and tried to pretend that it was really me that the boys wanted to talk to, but we all knew the truth. I also want to mention that I don’t personally believe that someone’s a bad person if they aren’t attracted to overweight people. I get it, I am really only attracted to healthy weight people (I would always choose a healthy weight person over an obese or underweight person assuming their personalities were identical). Sorry I got sidetracked. But there’s a point in most overweight/obese (sadly even healthy weight) girls lives where they realize that they will almost always lose to a skinny girl. This is obviously not always true and there are tons of exceptions (and not to mention how a lot of fat girls are sabotaged by low confidence) but in general the fat girl is never going to get the guy, be the prom queen, be popular, etc. And growing up as an obese girl, I always felt there were certain dreams out of reach and that I was a fool to even dare to think of them. And worst of all was the shame. I know that people will say that fat isn’t a feeling, but in my experience it most definitely is. The best way I can explain it is that feeling fat feels like every awkward and shameful feeling mixed together, like some kind of shame cocktail. It’s feeling worthless and that everything you say or do is awkward and disgusting. That you are disgusting and a burden and not worth other people’s time.

But after losing 40 pounds and I’m now just a regular healthy weight woman, life is so much different. After losing weight, girls that would never speak to me before would invite me places, the boys I liked liked me back, I was nominated for prom Queen, got the lead roles, get to wear the cute clothes, nobody criticizes my weight or what foods I eat (I used to receive nasty comments all the time, especially the infamous “you have have such a pretty face” which I would receive ALL the time. Now I’m just told that I’m pretty), and most importantly of all I feel like I’m allowed to dream again.

This is truly the only thing that keeps me from recovering. The knowledge that anything other than losing weight will turn me back into my little shame ridden obese 12 year old self. And I don’t think I could survive a life like that again.

[theevenprime]

The Best Revenge

Scheduled post: over a decade ago, before I ever met her, my abuser was awarded funding for ongoing medical expenses and insurance premiums in a court case. That funding runs out the day this post is published. And unless she's somehow become a functioning, productive member of society in the interim, there is no chance she will be able to afford the complex cocktail of a-dozen-plus exotic prescriptions that she uses to pretend she isn't three personality disorders in a trenchcoat.

Almost always, the best revenge is living your own life well. Every once in a while, it's also about remembering how the people whose self-destruct AOE attack you've been caught in will continue to be completely incapable of living their own lives. Most days, it's enough to look back and breathe a sigh of relief that you've made it. Sometimes, it helps to take note of who won't.

[psychoticwillgraham]

overdue ass info post about me

i’m Will and im 29, and my gender is nothing that is comprehensible to humanity. very androgynous and obnoxious about it, drag king for 7 years now in a ass backwards conservative tourist trap river town in Missouri. my sexuality is. who the fuck knows honestly. super amateur artist and new Warframe enthusiast.

any pronouns EXCEPT for she/her, but I prefer it/its, but if that’s not accessible to u bc of language or w/e, they or he is just fine. aromantic as fuck, and ace, but still have a high ish libido sometimes despite all the damn psych meds im on.

i have an unknown psychotic disorder, but my mental health team just slaps the schizoaffective label on me as well as BPD, autism (not officially dxed on paper, but verbally by both my psych and therapist), PTSD, suspected OCPD, and according to my therapist, a ‘cocktail of features from every personality disorder that makes it impossible to properly diagnose’ me. undiagnosed system too.

standard DNI applies, like no conservatives/right wingers, anything like that.

horny on main and not ashamed of it, constantly posting about how i want to fuck Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham, yknow, my little gay cannibals. proud old man fucker.

Ships I’ll write (for the egos I’ll pretty much write everything) for requests

Hannigram (my main one)

Darkstache (Darkiplier/Wilford Warfstache)

Danti (Darkiplier/Antisepticeye)

Klaine (Glee, but I’ll only do horror/scifi/supernatural stuff bc nobody else does and I’m sick of the love dovey boring shit)

John Constantine/Will Graham (the one i invented)

pretty much any combo of markiplier and jacksepticeye egos

specifically Henrik Von Schneeplestein/Chase Brody

Murdock/Bim or any combo of the murderous egos from both of them

Murdock in general

any crackship between any of these characters (like Dark/Hannibal)

and if u send me a request I’ll try to have it done within a day depending on what time u send it and if I’m busy, but I WILL get around to it, I promise!! also will do anything from rated G to Explicit and nearly every kind of kink except for the following: underage (for klaine I’ll only do from the NYC days), zoo, scat, watersports and incest (EXCEPT in the case of the hannibal extended universe ships ie. all of Hugh’s characters being brothers bc they’re aren’t technically), and whatever else I decide to add to this