#clinging on for dear life but not in any way that really did anything to help

[cacw]

hi people who have seen the movie, maybe read the prequel book, do you think bruce would have ever made any attempt on his own life

[b1ravenclaw]

Azriel has a mate and when he starts spending time with Elain. She becomes distant.

She sees the almost kiss with Rhys and she leaves and Rhys doesn’t say anything for her.

She eventually comes back and is in “fuck him. I’m a bad bitch” era and Azriel has to grovel hard cause she isn’t taking any shit.

You can end it however you want.

Relief

note: I hope I did it justice :)

warnings: unedited, angst

The almost kiss was just the cherry on top of the fucking cake. 

It started slow, of course, but it went at a slow steady pace. Always there to nag at my insides, something so silly and small I could not complain, really. So what if he was befriending the High Lady’s sister, it was expected she made some friends considering her abrupt start at fae life. What was not expected was Azriel would altogether stop making time for you. His mate. His fucking mate.

The lingering glances he once shared with you were now hers, his attention once solely yours was now solely hers. And you did not want to believe, when you clinged to hope on those cold nights alone that he may only be distracted because of his harsh work. You supposed he avoided your touch because his insecurities of not being enough may have crawled and found its way inside him again. 

But, alas, it was not it. It was just her. Fucking Elain, and she was not to blame. He was. How could he neglect his mate? His other half. How could he be so vile and cruel, not only to you, but to himself as well. He did not expect you to forgive him, did he? Or to never find out? 

You did not know what was worse. That, until you saw the look on Rhysand’s face, when his violet eyes left anger daggers at Azriel, to you they only emanated pity. Pure pathetic pity. His mouth opened and closed a few times, the High Lord of Night at a loss of words, congratu-fucking-lations Azriel. 

The walk to your room was shameful, glamouring yourself as to not be seen by no one, not wanting to wait for him, to hear what Rhys had in store for him. You just wanted to go away, your things were quick to be packed, and Kallias and Vivienne were not alarmed to see you at their palace doors unannounced. However they were alarmed by the sad glimmer in your eyes, tears refusing to be dropped and, instead, freezing. Your lashes starting to become white with the cold.

“Oh Dear.” Was all Vivienne, your cousin, said. Your only family member alive. The family you would have now that Azriel fucked everything up. Your hopes of having a family crushed right before you, and you let it happen. Had you fighted him would it have changed anything? Would his interest in Elain have died down or grown further more? You felt your heart growing colder. Vivienne had asked if you wanted company sleeping tonight, but you refused. You did not want her to see how much you could cry about it, and when you thought it was over you felt it. Over the bond you felt it, his feelings, and it wasn’t remorse, it wasn’t sadness or even anger. He felt nothing, almost as if he was feeling contemptment. As if he was fucking relieved you left. 

You cried until sunrise, shame sent you to sleep and hunger woke you up the next morning.

Your stomach was empty and growling, and you were in desperate need of a shower. But the first thing you did that morning was neither bathe or eat. You looked in the mirror at your disheveled image, at your red puffy eyes you focused on your feeling of emptiness and hopelessness and sent that perfectly destroyed image down the golden thread connecting you to the winged male, and closed it. You looked your heart and mind at seven keys, never to be opened again, never to be toyed with. 

That morning after bathing and brushing your long hair you cut it at shoulder length, you found your best dress, one that had a high detailed neckline and went past your feet. 

“Y/n.” Said Kallias, surprised, “Good morrow.”

“Good morrow, my lord.” You said with a courtesy. “My lady.”

“Y/n, your hair… it’s different.”

“And so am I, I thought it would be fitting. Don’t you?”

“Of course.”  Her voice was soft, as if she was scared if she spoke too strongly you would break. But you could not be broken, not anymore. 

“I was…”

“You don’t need to say what happened if you do not wish to y/n, you are always welcome at our home. Your home.” Kallias said, ever the High Lord. 

“Thank you, Kallias. But I wish to, just to clear things up. As I suppose they will want to contact me.”

“Rhysand may have sent word, as well as your mate.”

“I would appreciate it if you called him by his name, as he is no longer my mate.” They both inhaled sharply, the food at the table left untouched. “I supposed I saw it coming, he… Well, he took interest in another female. It has been quite sometime. The final straw was, well, his lack of respect for me and self control.” 

“Oh, y/n.” Vivienne was at my side, but it was Kallias voice that made my heart warm.

“Do you want me to end him?”

“As much as I would appreciate it, I know it would not be good, politically speaking.” 

“We can find our way around it.” “I’m sure you can. But… part of me wants him to live with it, see if he will suffer even if it’s a little.” 

“Your call, Vivienne’ family is my family. You know it.”

“Thank you, my lord.”

It was a week later the day you left, that Rhysand’s letter arrived. It was sealed and it smelled of the home you once cared for, one you did not wish to be in anymore. 

Dear y/n, 

I can not begin to imagine how you are feeling, I am writing to you to make sure you are safe  and well, as well as one can be in your situation. Kallias sent word you are with him and Vivienne, but alas please tell me if you need anything I can help with.  

We all miss you dearly, unfortunately word got out faster than  I could contain, we are all mad at him, and I forbade him to contact you. 

He would like to speak to you, but you owe him nothing. 

I hope to see you soon.

Your dear friend, High Lord of Night, Rhysand.

You answered the letter a few days later, letting him know Azriel was not to contact you, or else he would die. You didn’t think they believed it, you could never kill Azriel, even now. It was a month after that you saw Feyre and Rhysand, and how you missed them. All of them, they were your family once too and as if sensing your insecurity Feyre whispered in your ear as she left that you were still family, and as much as you would like to believe it, you knew they  would never turn on Azriel. 

Eight months later you felt strong enough to return to the night court, Vivienne and Kallias held you as much as possible, but when you were strongly inclined to retrieve the rest of your belongings yourself they hugged you goodbye. And when the inevitable happened, when you crossed his path despite Rhysand telling you he made sure Azriel had left before you arrived. When you looked into his almond eyes, that once gave you immense joy, you felt nothing, almost contempt. You felt relieved, that he could not affect you anymore, would not affect you anymore.

“My love…” “Azriel, it’s Y/n to you. Or Winter Court emissary.” 

“Y/n, please, don’t do this, let’s talk.”

“I will do as I please, Spymaster. Just like you did all those months ago.”

“I made a mistake.”

“And I hope it was worth, I hope you at least got to fuck her.”

“I didn’t. I lo-”

“Oh, that’s a shame. So you did really throw it all away, over what? A silly kiss? It truly is pathetic, Azriel.”

“Y/n, I should never have allowed myself to be lured away from my mate, I see that now.” “Lured away?” You scoffed, you could hear heavy footsteps approaching the room, probably Cassian’s. But you did not care for it. “Is that what you call it? Did she poison you?” “No?”

“Did she give you a love potion?”

“No, she didn’t.” “Did she enchant you with a spell?”

“No, and it does not matter, I shouldn’t-” “Then you were not lured Spymaster, maybe by your own lust and desire, but it was nothing you were physically weak against. She did not force you. You chose to betray me the moment you chose to spend time with her over me. “

“And I am so sorry.” His voice was broken, but you couldn't care less. You wished for him to hurt. “As you should be, and I hope Elain ends up being happier with Lucien than I ever was with you.” And as he tried to call you, tried to tug at the bond you once cherished with all your heart, it was much too easy to drown it all out, to distract yourself catching up with his family, your friends. You slept peacefully, the weight lifted off of your shoulders. The next morning it was much easier to put on the Winter Court colors and behold the tasks ahead of you, to serve your new High Lord. Your new court.

[heartfullofleeches]

Titus [Space Emperor Yan] and former Assassin Cat-Hybrid Darling. (Just a blurbo for now but I love these two now so I'd love to come back to this)

When the pair met, Darling thought Titus was no different from the rest of their targets. A self proclaimed god untouchable by those below him. Little did they know that their employers were basically setting them up on a suicide mention as the tyrant is a damn near immortal deity. As they perch atop his bed - knife planted in his chest, Darling counts their cards as a large hand locks around their wrist; pulling the blade out as one night remove a splinter. There was nowhere for them to run. The element of surprise had been swept from under their feet. They struggle and claw at the man, but there is no give to his iron grasp. As their brain draws to any conclusion a trapped animal may have, the knife in their hands is tossed across the room before they can take the final plunge.

The Emperor should have his little intruder punished. Waking a kind from his beauty rest is a serious offense. A crime in which the accused receives no trial and punished to the highest degree. Their eyelids removed so they never experience another second of slumber before their execution. There is also the more "amusing" route of electrocution or burning everytime they attempt to shut their eyes. Darling surely would have been subjected to this fate if they weren't so... So...

Precious~

Did this adorable little feline really think they could kill a god so easily? They insult him, but fortunately for them, they're cute enough for him to let it slide. The poor thing could use a bath though... And those scars.... When was the last time they had a proper meal? Oh, and those rags!

Titus scoops up the feisty kitty and thrusts them into the hands of his guards while he sorts through his closet for something to throw on until he can get them measured. Darling attempts to flee any chance they are alone, but with Titus promising to have the heads of everyone in the palace if they escaped - they never got far. Once they had some food in them and fully realized Titus wasn't bluffing when he called his home their new place of resident - Darling came up with a plan to lure Titus into false security and learn his witness to take him down when he least expected it. The only flaw in their plan was they underestimate their own commitment to the role as day by day their acceptance of the tyrant's obsession became less of an act.

They no longer had to work for their meals. Everything they could ever deserve was thrust placed right in their hands if they snuggled up to their new master or swished their tail just right in Union with those big adorable eyes. Their word stood above all in his counsel. They were waited on hand and foot by everyone under Titus' rulevIt was paradise. Their former comrades and the person they once were would be disgusted by what they've become, but if the former ever came to drag them back to their old ways they were swiftly cut down without so much as a passing glance from the royal that once stood beside them.

Titus is ever so glad he managed to bag that angry stray and turn them into the sweetest lil dear anyone has ever seen. He nearly loses his composure everytime he catches them lazying around in his robes - cloth barely clinging to their smaller figure. He knows they only do it to make sure he never says no to him, but there's hardly anything he would deny them beside their freedom. Whatever their heart longs for is a small prize to pay for their company. The Emperor is absolutely whipped for his little bedmate and would do anything to keep them collared at his side.

-

Assassin: You used to be something.... You could have lived a life similar to this without sacrificing your freedom if you had just taken his head. You are but a shell of the person I once knew. I despise you.

Cat Hybrid Reader: Hm... What you say might be true, but there's still something this life grants me that makes it all worth it

[Reader tears their shirt and knees on the floor closer to the cell as they shout]

Cat Hybrid Reader: Titus! Help!

Titus, storming down the dungeon stairwell: Oh, my precious angel. [Picks up Reader and checks them over for injuries] Don't worry, my love. I will have these awful, awful person executed at once. I'll have a necklace made from their ashes, but for now - will a massage and treats make do for leaving you all alone?

Cat Hybrid Reader, wiping fake tears from their eyes: yes....

[cinnabun-faerie]

JJK Reaction - Going to a haunted house attraction but finding out you're scared

Characters: Choso, Kenjaku, Nanami, Gojo, Shoko, Sukuna, Toji

Frightfest 2024 Masterlist

He wouldn't be scared of anything

he couldn't understand why you wanted to come in here

you're clinging to him and shaking

his sense to protect you is going into overdrive

if any scare actor tries to jump out at you, he will shield you

"Let's do something that isn't scary afterwards. I don't like seeing you so scared."

He teases you for being scared

it was so interesting that even when you knew everything in this haunted attraction was fake, you were so terrified

he wouldn't deny that your fear filled him with pride

and you were so innocent

being scared of people in costumes and plastic animatronics and yet you were so close to the real horror

"Suguru, I'm scared."

Ah

you were none the wiser that he was not truly your Suguru but an imposter

who had taken over your boyfriend's body

one who was using you

As he holds your shaking body as you move through the attraction, he can't help but imagine the terror on your face when you realize his true identity

"One of their haunted house attractions should be an office job setting."

he didn't mind going to these attractions with you

he didn't think they were scary

and he had to give props to all the scare actors

however, he could tell you were getting scared

"You can hold onto me if you prefer."

"I'm not scared-AHH!"

he would put his arm around your waist and pull you closer

"You're safe. I won't let anything get you."

"You want me to go in with you? Is it so you have an excuse to hold onto me?"

he couldn't help but tease you

there was a possibility that you might get scared and want to cling to him for dear life

it inflated his ego

and it made his heart flutter

While in the haunted attraction with you, he would just be chomping on candy

he wasn't bothered by the scares or anything

it was alright

the people were doing their job

how much did it cost to get in here?

he would jump only when you clawed at his body because you were scared

"If you wanted to touch me, you could have just asked."

"I hate you."

"Love you too, sweetheart."

when you grumble and glare up at him, he is glad to have distracted you for the moment

"Are you sure you can handle it?"

she gave in to your begging to go to the haunted attraction

she would be talking to you softly as you moved through the narrow hallways behind other attraction-goers

she watched as you jumped and screamed

"Do you want to hold my hand?"

"Yes please."

"Think of it this way, this is nothing compared to my job."

Surprisingly, he would be enjoying himself

these humans really knew how to put on a show

when the actors jumped out at both of you, he would only laugh

"How many more of these are there? I want to go through them all."

"Y-Yeah, sure."

When he realized you were scared, he took hold of your hip

you were here with the king of curses and yet you are scared of all of this?

"They won't hurt you, you know. If they try, I'll hurt them."

You begged him to come with you into this attraction and now you're screaming and clinging to him

what happened to the person who fought with him about being brave? and that you need no one to protect you?

Oh how the tables have turned

He'd sigh and pull you closer to him

"Come here, I'll protect ya."

[buckyalpine]

Practice

18+ 

Dark-ish Mob bucky barnes x virgin maid reader 

Warnings: Dub con, manipulation but make it sexy, possessiveness, jealously, SMUT, innocence kink, virginity taking, pregnancy kink, breeding kink, lactation kink, Dom Bucky and the tiniest appearance of sub Bucky. a smidgen of fluff? 

What have I done. Reader is very innocent, Bucky is a menace. A MENACE. (he really does like you though) This is so filthy, I’m sorry. So much pent up nastiness. Just filth right through. A lil fucked up. Just a lil. or a lot depending on your limits, the ending is meant to be happy okay? 

-

Bucky’s eyes were locked on you, watching you quietly dust a few shelves, the hem of your skirt riding up as you reached for a vase that rested on top of it. He had to adjust himself as you bent over to put away some books on the bottom of the shelf. Your sweet innocent cotton panties were on full display; the tiny maid dress did nothing to cover any of your modesty. 

Fuck, he loved that uniform. 

He cocked his head, as you nervously lingered around his office for a second longer instead of leaving immediately as you usually did. You carefully approached his desk, clinging onto your duster for dear life while Bucky sat back in his chair, simply nodding for you speak. 

“I-May I have the night off, sir?” You kept your eyes trained on your feet, not daring look up at him while he smirked to himself, enjoying how you bit your lip, fingers gripping the duster, anxiously waiting for his answer. 

Always so polite. 

“Hm, what for?” 

What did his pretty maid have to do, that was so important. 

“I-I have a date” You squeaked out, swallowing thickly as your mob moss wordlessly stared at you. 

Oh. 

“I see” His jaw clenched slightly, “with who” You blinked, picking up on the coldness of Bucky’s voice, shifting on your feet, now wishing you hadn’t said anything. 

“Um-John, sir” 

“Walker?” You nodded, while Bucky continued to glare at you, softening his gaze again. “Innocent thing like you...” He cocked an eyebrow, eyes raking up and down your body, “You think you’ll please him?” 

“P-please him?” You whispered, while Bucky smirked, making you more flustered. "I don’t understand, Mr. Barnes”

“I’m sure he’ll be expecting a lot kotenok, especially at the end of your night” 

“What will he expect?” Your voice was hardly a whisper, swallowing thickly at the way your stomach clenched over the pet name he had for you. You were genuinely confused over what he was referring to. 

“I’m sure he’ll want those pretty lips all over him princess” 

“Like kissing?” You asked innocently while Bucky let out a dark chuckle, shaking his head. 

“No doll, he’ll want more than that” 

“I’ve never done anything before” You look at him with doe eyes, meeting Bucky’s lust hungry ones, his length straining against the fabric of his pants. 

“Anything?” his cock grew harder, unable to contain the way he was throbbing, “You’re a virgin?” His cock started to leak the second you nodded. 

His innocent little doll, as sweet as she looked. 

No one had ever touched you before. 

No one else ever would. 

Your heart started to beat faster, feeling stickiness dampen your panties. Why did that always happen when you were near him. You glanced at the clock, realizing it’d be time for you to get ready soon. 

“May I go sir?” 

“You should practice then, hm?” He ignored your question, eyes boring into you, watching the way you squeezed your thighs together. “You wouldn't want to disappoint him”

You shook your head, you would never want to disappoint your date, you were surprised he even took an interest in you. Still, you weren’t sure...Bucky noted your hesitation, beckoning you to come closer, his legs spread while you stood in front of his chair.

“I-but John...” you couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy, wondering if it would be right to do anything with Bucky when someone else had asked you out.

“It’s okay princess, I can help you” His voice was soft, pulling your hand to stand between his legs “You’re not doing anything wrong, I just want you to feel comfortable when you go out with him” 

You nodded, feeling a little better while Bucky adjusted himself, his hand brushing over his boner. 

“You can practice on me, okay?” You felt the ache between your legs grow stronger, seeing his erection on full display, his cock nearly bursting out of his pants. “I’ll tell you what to do honey, don’t worry” 

Bucky undid the button of his pants, unzipping them, and tugging them down slightly, pulling his cock out of his briefs, stroking himself.

“Come here baby, get on your knees for me” 

You hesitantly kneeled in front of him, his thick dripping cock, inches away from your face, pearls of precum endlessly beading from the head of his swollen length. 

“You’ve never touched a cock, have you” He smirked when you shook your head, taking your hand in his and wrapping it around him. “I’ll show you how to stroke it” His fist wrapped around yours, his calloused rough hands were a stark difference compared to your smaller soft ones. “You feel how hard I am for you sweets? m’sure his cock will be nice and hard for you too” There was a slight taunt in his voice, never, he’d never let these perfect hands touch another man. 

He groaned at the feeling of how your skin felt, jerking his cock, guiding you to go up and down his length, from the base to the top, avoiding the tip on purpose. 

“It’s so sensitive here baby” He guided your hand to wrap around the tip of his cock, taking your thumb and brushing it over his slit. He hissed, feeling your soft fingers, moving moving you to massage the tip of his cock “Wrap your hand around and twist it when you touch me there, it feels so good” He let go of your hand, watching you do exactly what he showed you. 

“Good girl, doing such a good job princess” You preened at his praise, focused on quick long strokes from the base, squeezing gently around the head. “You learn fast, huh baby?” 

“Thank you sir” You whispered, your breath hitching when he ran his fingers through your hair. 

“You want to practice how to suck a cock kotenok?” You blinked, leaning closer between his legs while he tugged his pants down further to spread his thighs apart more. Your stomach flipped at his soft scent, his length slick with his arousal. He held his cock to your lips, gently bringing you closer. “Don’t be scared doll, it’s just me. You’re practicing remember?” 

You nodded, remembering Bucky wasn’t going to judge you though you couldn't help but feel nervous. 

“Taste me first sweet heart” Bucky bit his lip, hearing the softest moan slip past your lips when you swiped your tongue across the tip, licking off his precum. “See how wet you make my cock doll, that’s what happens when you’re doing such a good job, its gets so leaky” 

“Give me your hand sweets” He tugged your hand to push them between his legs, his heavy sack sitting in your palm “You feel how heavy they are baby, so full of cum. Rub them doll, just like that baby, play with them in those pretty hands” You were careful, your hands softly touching him, not wanting to hurt him accidently. Bucky nearly came on the spot, the vein on the side of his cock pulsing. 

“Ready princess?” He brought his length to your mouth, loving the way you hesitantly parted your lips slightly, letting him push just the tip. “Use that soft tongue baby, suckle on it, like you’re drinking from me, nurse on my cock baby, such a good girl, perfect warm wet mouth”

Bucky couldn’t help but lean back in his chair, admiring the way your mouth felt, your lips wrapped around the tip, sucking softly while your tongue swiped around the head.  

“Swirl your tongue around, that’s it, give me your other hand” He helped you jerk his cock while you continued to suck him, your other hand still toying with his balls, loving how warm and soft his skin felt. 

“Tug them baby, harder, tug my balls” Bucky groaned, feeling you squeeze them, “Wrap your hand tighter around my dick, c’mon princess, jerk me nice and hard while you suck” 

“Am I doing okay?” Your lips were swollen, glistening with his arousal, pulling off his cock with a pop, hoping you were making him feel good and not wasting his time. 

“You’re doing perfect princess, you ready to try something else now?” 

“Yes, sir” 

“Take a nice deep breath through your nose, you’re gonna take my whole cock in your mouth” You did as you were told as he guided your head to take his full length, making you gag as soon as his tip nudged down your throat. “There we go, here, hold onto me baby, that’ll make it easier” 

Your hands moved to grasp his thighs, your nails digging into his skin, tears spilling from the corners of your eyes. He groaned at the sting of your nails, the prickles of pain getting him off more. He pushed his cock in deeper, moaning when your nails dug into his skin, nearly breaking it.  

“Look at what a good job you’re going baby, got my cock so hard for you-fuck-” His teeth were gritted, rocking his hips off the chair, fucking your face. He grasped the back of your head, moving it up and down, his balls tightening, cum ready to blow from his cock.  “That’s it, that’s it, doing so good kotenok, don’t stop” 

“Be a good girl and suck my cock, there we go pretty girl” He couldn't hold off any longer, all his muscles tensed, his orgasm aching at the base of his cock. 

“FUCK” His movements stilled, spilling into your mouth with his warm cum, your tongue and throat coated with his seed. You didn’t think twice, swallowing every drop, pulling off his cock, letting his soaked softening length slap against his skin. He hissed, tucking his cock back in, buttoning his pants while you licked his salty heady taste off your lips. 

“Did you swallow princess” His thumb brushed your cheek, wondering why you didn’t hurry off to spit, the content dazed look on your face making his already sensitive dick twitch again. You nodded shyly, while Bucky groaned, grabbing you and smashing his lips onto yours, tasting himself on you. You whimpered against his lips, nervous with how your arousal had dripped onto your thighs, nothing made the ache go away. 

“What is it printsessa?” He smirked, his nose trailing up the column of your neck. You let out a shuddered breath, feeling his lips brush your skin. 

“I-I feel-” Your words were breathless, too shy to tell him your panties were soaked, the throbbing and aching between your legs was getting worse.

“Do you need something doll?” He cooed, pulling you up to your feet, and grasping your hips to straddle his thigh. You whimpered, feeling his thigh flex under you, the material of your panties rubbing your clit. You could feel your pussy throb, it was too much and not enough at the same time, you knew you needed something, more. 

“I need...” Your voice trailed off, your body stiff, holding yourself back form rubbing yourself on him to relieve the throbbing. 

“What do you need baby, did sucking my cock get your pussy all tingly and needy” His eyes were blown with lust, cupping your cheek, his thumb tugging down your lower lip. “It’s normal princess, you want me to make that feeling go away?” He whispered, smirking against your skin when you whined, your fingers digging into his shirt. 

“You don’t want to go on your date like this, huh doll, you want me to help you?” You nodded, burying your face in his neck, moaning when he firmly held your hips, guiding you to grind and rub yourself on his thigh. “That’s it, we’ll make that achy feeling go away baby” He moved you to press on him harder, ignoring the way his cock was hard again, feeling your slick dampen his pants. 

“How does that feel doll” 

“Feels-it feels good” You whimpered, panting against his skin, your body felt like it was on fire, you had never felt this much pleasure in your life and he wasn’t even touching you. You could feel yourself climb higher and higher, all the pent up pleasure looking for a way to release

“I-I’m-I-Sir, it feels good, it-I need more-” You cried out, while Bucky growled, rocking you back and forth faster; he could feel your body tense, the scent of your sweet arousal growing stronger. 

“You gonna cum baby? Is that little clit throbbing, you’re soaking me princess, let go, cum for me, be a good girl and cum” His words threw you off the edge, your nails digging into his shoulders, grinding on him, squeezing your thighs around his, moaning into his neck. Pleasure and warmth washed over you in waves, your body convulsing while Bucky held you close. 

“Feel better sweets?” He rubbed your back while you clung onto him, feeling limp, your mind was hazy, not wanting to leave his arms-

Wait-

No.

John. 

Your date. 

“Better” Your voice was small, standing on shaky legs as he helped you off his lap. You gasped when he held you in place, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. 

“Let’s see how you taste baby, let me show you how he should clean you up after”  He tugged your panties off, running a finger through your folds, gathering your slick and licking it clean, his eyes rolling back at the taste of your arousal.  As much as he wanted to bury his face in your needy cunt, that would have to wait until he had you spread on his bed. “Don’t let him waste a drop baby, it’s not nice to leave such a pretty doll soaked and messy after making her cum” He dipped his fingers back, gathering whatever you had to offer, greedily tasting you as if you were the sweetest taste in the world. 

“You taste perfect babydoll, go get ready so you’re not late” You were so flustered you didn’t notice him tuck your panties away in his pocket. “You remember everything I showed you, hm? How to use that pretty tongue, how to get a cock, nice hard and wet” He cooed, still not letting you go. You nodded, not trusting yourself to speak, some part of your body screaming to stay and practice more, you wanted to be a good girl and learn everything-

no. 

“We can practice more later baby, don’t worry” Bucky let go of your hand while you quickly ran off to your room to get ready “Enjoy yourself doll” Bucky smirked, digging into his pocket, puling his phone out. 

****

“What happened sweets” Bucky hid the smile on his face with concern seeing you in your perfect dress, still in your room, far past your date time. 

“He cancelled” You sat quietly at the edge of your bed, looking at your phone, the last message from him stating he wasn’t interesting in seeing you. It stung. He was the one that chased after you and you had bothered to spend time getting ready for him just to drop everything at the last minute. 

“I’m sorry princess, get some rest, you can have the morning off” He softly closed your door, smiling to himself,  sending Steve a quick thank you before going to his room. 

No one else would ever have you. 

Every since you had practiced with Bucky once, he had insisted you keep practicing so you wouldn't forget anything, always reminding you all this was just between you two and giving you new ways to toy with his cock using your mouth. Of course you didn’t mind, desperate to learn from him, let him teach you. You had gone back to him nearly every single night, craving his bittersweet taste on your tongue and humping and rubbing yourself to satisfaction right after. 

“I think we should try something else today” You gasped, as Bucky lifted you to wrap your legs around his waist; you’d just came all over his thigh, it was part of your nightly routine at this point. “Let me show you more princess” He stood up from his office chair with you wrapped around him, taking you to his room. He set you down on his bed, the large mattress firm with warm soft sheets. 

“Has anyone seen you naked before?” He knew the answer. And yet he loved being reminded that only his eyes got to see your nude body, “Don’t be shy baby, I won’t tell anyone I saw you like this. Take your clothes off” He whispered, nearly drooling as you took your uniform off with shaky hands, letting the dress pool around your ankles. “Here, let me help you” 

Your heart raced as he laid you down on his pillows, his hand snaking behind you back to unclasp your bra, throwing it somewhere across his room. He tugged your panties down, a string of your arousal still clinging to them. He willed himself not to bury his face into your soaked panties, and rub them all over his cock when he already had you spread out for him. 

“You have such a pretty pussy baby” He murmured, his eyes locked on your soaked swollen clit, already sensitive from your orgasm minutes ago. “So gorgeous” 

“It-it is?” You whispered, your face heating up, squeaking when he nipped your inner thigh, soothing the area again with his tongue. 

“It’s perfect princess” You could feel his warm breath against your folds, your thighs trembling to squeeze shut feeling exposed but he held your legs apart. He could see your needy entrance clenching, your clit throbbing but you were to shy to say anything, not even sure what to ask for. “You’re dripping, tell me what you want” 

You shook your head, biting your lip while he continued to tease your inner thighs, hoping he’d know what to do. 

“You want me to touch you here?” He kissed your folds, making you whimper but it wasn’t enough. “Maybe here?” He moved up further, dragging his tongue through your slick making you moan loudly, god he was so close, just a little- 

“Is it this baby” He flicked his tongue on your clit making you cry out, gripping onto his sheets. “Your sensitive little bud needs attention?” You nodded, your jaw slack when he started to lick and suck, gazing up at you from between your legs. 

“It’s-it’s so sensitive I-” You withered on the bed, it felt good, almost too good, his tongue and lips working magic, toying with your cunt. 

“I know baby, gotta get you used to the feeling, huh? I’ll take care of you sweets, make it easier for you, you’ll let me kiss this pretty clit everyday? Make it all better?” He let out a dark chuckle when you nodded, latching back onto your clit. He ate you out until you came all over his face, wasting no time to strip all his clothes off right after. 

“Gonna stretch you baby, you’ve never had a cock inside you before, let me show you how it feels?”

“Will it hurt sir?” You whispered, nervous while he stroked himself above you, you’d taken him in your mouth just fine but getting him inside you....

“Call me daddy” 

“Will-will it hurt daddy?”

“Daddy’s gonna go slow, okay?”

You nodded, spreading your legs open further for him, gasping when you felt his cockhead rub through your folds. 

“You like when I rub my cock on you?” 

“Feels good daddy” Your shaky hands came to grip onto his arms, nervous when he started to press the tip against your entrance.

“Breathe, breathe for daddy, gonna make you feel good sweet girl” He whispered, as he started to push his cock inside you, cooing and kissing you softly while you cried out, digging your nails into his skin from the stretch and sting. 

“Daddy, its too much!” 

“Shhhh, it’s because its your first time, open up for me kotenok” 

You whimpered under him, wrapping your legs and arms around his body, trying to find a way to ground yourself.  

“Gonna go slow baby, I know, your pussy is so tight, you need a fat cock to stretch you baby, trust me okay?”  As soon as he was fully sheathed inside you, he was more feral then ever. He kissed your temple as he started to rock his hips, struggling to keep his pace slow and gentle. 

No one else could have you. 

He was going to make you his one way or another. 

His cock nearly burst each time you cried out for him, the more you moaned the more he wanted you to be his. He didn’t want you to ever think about going out on a date with another man, not when you already had him. 

“You look so pretty wrapped around my cock malyshka“ 

There was one way he could keep you. His balls tightened against his body at the thought’, it was perfect. 

“M’gonna make you a mommy, m’gonna be your daddy, gonna get you nice and pregnant, keep you all just for me baby” 

“Daddy!” Your eyes shot open, your pussy clenching at his words, you sounded like a porn star when he started to pound into you faster. 

“I am your fuckin’ daddy. You’re all mine, m’the only man who’ll ever fucking touch you, touch this sweet pussy, taste it, fuck it, make love to it, you’re mine princess. You’re. Fucking. Mine” He pulled his cock out, flipping you over and shoving your face into the mattress. He slammed his cock back in, grunting, jack hammering his cock into you, loving the way you made a white creamy mess on his dick. 

Sweet baby was probably ovulating. Perfect. 

You cried out in pleasure, gripping onto his sheets as he railed you from behind, his hips snapping against your skin, fingers digging into your hips. Your mind was still reeling from his words, your mind racing. Some part of your body was screaming for him to fill you up but-

“Ready baby? Ready for daddy’s babies?” He growled, continuing to thrust into you as you collapsed onto the bed, feeling him even deeper at this angle. He brought his knees up slightly to position himself better, rutting and fucking you, keeping his cock deep inside you. 

“I-I can’t get pregnant now daddy” You whimpered, while he pulled out to let you lie down again, shoving his cock right back in. 

“Why not princess”  He continued to thrust into you, gently cupping your cheek, the blue in his eyes nearly non existent.

“I-m’not ready yet, can’t daddy” You shook your head, tears spilling down your cheeks, fuck you wanted this so bad but you still didn’t even have your own place, worried about money you had saved up-Bucky could see your mind racing over mundane issues. 

“Do you trust daddy angel?” You nodded sniffling, still moaning softly as he started to rock his hips faster again “I’ll take care of you malyshka, you don’t have to worry about anything” You felt conflicted but it didn’t matter, not when he was buried so deep in your warmth, his soft lips kissing you all over between sweet words. 

“You’re gonna live with me all the time, okay? M’gonna get you pregnant baby, you’re gonna be all mine. Wanna get you pregnant so badly princess, please? Just let me put a baby in you, I’ll take care of you so well, please pretty girl. Tell me you’re ready baby, tell me you want me babies”

“I-I want your babies daddy!” You moaned out, your body moved on its own, wrapping around him, your cunt clenching and fluttering, screaming for his cum. “Wan’ you to get me pregnant!”   

“FUCK Keep saying it baby, say you want my babies”

“I want daddy’s babies” 

“AGAIN” He snarled against your neck, your sweet begging making his cock swell and throb. He started to fuck you as hard as he could, chasing his high, desperate to knock you up. He’d fuck you as many times as he had to until it took. 

“FUCK Daddy PLEASE” 

“Gonna put my babies in you, can’t wait to see you pregnant baby, you’re gonna look so beautiful, so fucking full of me, you’re mine-fucking hell- you’re mine” 

“All yours!” You cried out, cumming and gushing all over his cock, your head thrown back on his pillows. Bucky roared against your neck, his hips stilling, pouring loads of his seed into your soaked cunt. It didn’t matter how many rounds it took. He was going to keep going until he saw your belly swell. 

A few months later 

“Y/n” You could hear him call you from the bedroom, huffing as you clambered off the couch, making your way upstairs. You were in nothing but one of his shirts, some of the buttons at the bottom undone to make room for your tummy. Bucky groaned as soon as you stepped into the room, he’d seen you like that plenty of times and yet still....

If it weren’t for possible prying eyes and other house keepers, he would have forbade you from wearing clothes at all. You waddled into his room, your growing belly protruding from under his shirt your pouty face just made him more feral than ever, every single primal urge desperate to take over. 

“Daddy’s hungry” He beckoned you to, setting his book down, biting his lip, pulling you to straddle his lap. He threw your top over your head leaving you bare except for your panties. 

“You’re gonna feed our baby so well” Bucky groaned, looking at your swelling breasts, your nipples pebbled and aching. 

“It’s sore” you whined when he traced over them, your body sensitive to the slightest touches. “Hurts, feels too heavy” 

“Maybe you should let me help you mama, practice now for when our little one comes. Get used to the feeling” He dipped his head down, taking a nipple into his mouth, suckling, groaning when he felt your sweet warmth start to flow. 

“You taste so good, sweetest milk ever baby” He greedily drank more from you, moaning and slurping every drop as if he had been starved. “Feeding daddy do good” He moaned, his hands rubbing over your swollen belly, you were so perfectly full of him, he wasn’t going to waste a second to get you pregnant again as soon as your little one was born. 

“You can’t drink this much after our baby is born James” 

James. Every since you had started calling him by his first name, Bucky didn’t know what to do with himself, it made his cock jump. 

“You gonna feed daddy too angel” He latched onto your other breast, continuing to suckle. “Because I get so hungry for you baby, n’you take care of me so well” 

You couldn't help but moan at his words, you loved how filthy and debauched he got for you. 

“You gonna let me drink from you whenever I want baby? Even when your sleeping? No more sleep shirts mama, wanna be able to drink your milk whenever I want” You were so lost in his filthy world, you didn’t notice he’d pulled his cock out, stroking himself while latched onto you. “Don’t care if your sleeping, wanna drink mommy’s warm milk whenever I want” 

Your pussy clenched around nothing, there was something about how desperate he was that that made you feel just as needy. 

“You want my milk baby?” You cooed, your eyes growing wide when you noticed he had his cock out, pink and leaking. 

“Want it bad baby” He pulled your panties to the side, bringing you down to warm his cock, while he continued to lap at you, there was no way he was going to ever leave you alone, he had to keep you pregnant forever. “Feed me like I’m your baby” 

Your hand’s naturally went to cradle his head to your breast, stroking his hair while he held you close, your firm tummy pressed against him, keeping his cock wet and warm. You cooed, stroking his cheeks, kissing his forehead, you’d do anything he asked, you loved being good for him. He hummed with approval, he loved when you practiced new things with him, his pretty sweet pregnant doll. 

“You learn so fast mama” 

Tags:

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[leahsgf]

Looove Lucy taking care of reader.

Could I have more? Maybe Lucy is the worried older sister who makes sure reader doesn't get separated from the group when they go out, or that she ends up spending her money on too many sweets. Thanks <3

REINS - lucy bronze

lucy bronze x sister!reader

pure fluff about lucy being an overprotective older sister to you

her role as your big sister was one that lucy arguably took the most pride in out of all of her duties in her life - and that had always been the case, even back in the days when she was a teenager, and would often forgo going out with her friends in order to play and spend time with you.

even when it meant clinging onto the reins that were attached to your backpack to prevent you from running off for dear life in worry as you toddled around giggling - finding it hilarious.

the pair of you had always been inseparable, and all you had ever wanted to be was like her, having decided the instant you were able to grasp the concept of her job - that you were going to be a footballer too.

so that’s exactly what you did, and lucy’s protectiveness over you only increased as you did so, especially when you received your first call up to the lionesses alongside her.

you were more than a decade younger than her, freshly faced and new to every part of what you were experiencing - being the youngest on the squad by a considerable amount, meaning that lucy worried about you constantly, even more than usual, and watched over you like a hawk.

-

a team day out exploring the city in a country you’d never been to before had the older girl as pale as a sheet just thinking about all of the different possibilities.

“stay with me - or one of the girls at all time, okay? please be careful. if anyone, and i mean anyone tries anything or makes you uncomfortable in any way you need to tell me immediately. this is a new place to us all so just be extra war-” you cut off her rambling before she talked herself to death, playfully rolling your eyes, insides secretly warming at how much she cared for you.

“luce, it’s okay. i know. i won’t wander off. i’m a big girl”

“okay.” she breathes, giving up on the remainder of her speech, instead settling for “i just remember you being so tiny you could fit in one of my hands like it was yesterday, and i just want you to be safe.”

“i promise. i’ll be fine.” you linked pinkies with her, knowing you’d be glued to her side regardless.

“don’t make me get the reins back out. i remember how much of a menace you were, running off all over the place!”

she pointed at you warningly, and if it weren’t for the stern expression across her features you would’ve laughed.

“that was when i was three!”

“i’m just saying! the threat remains!”

-

no matter how old you got, or how far you progressed in your career, lucy still would refuse to let you pay for anything, slipping you money with a wink and a finger held to her lips, like you were six again and giggling behind your parents back.

“you’re my baby sister, don’t be silly. absolutely not.” she would insist, playfully slapping your hand away as you reached for your purse, sticking a pile of notes or in its place.

“make sure you don’t spend it all at once, kay? i expect to see some change when you come out!” she called after you as you were pulled into the sweet shop by ella and alessia, who’s playful grins told lucy that she’d be very unlikely to see you return with any money to spare.

not that it mattered in the slightest really, she just loved teasing you and treasured looking after you, not quite ready to give it up, it being one of her favourite parts of her life, even when you were nearing being an adult yourself.

-

tried to fit in everything that you requested! thank you for it i enjoyed writing it - and happy new year!

not proof read so i apologise if there’s any mistakes

[hitomisuzuya]

Hi!! I love your writing so much and was wondering if I could request a fluffy Scara fic? I came home from a bad day at work and was pretty overstimulated which lead to a meltdown and was wondering if you could write a a fic where Scara calms his s/o down after a bad day?

Scaramouche x fem!reader. Fluffy fluff fluff. Comfort. Soft Scara. I know my fluff doesn't hit as well. Who is even gonna see this..

Hello, dear❤️ I'm sorry this took so long to get to, and it's probably not relevant anymore, but I hope you are feeling better🥺 and thank you❤️

Scaramouche is very in tune to your moods. He knew the moment he saw you that you were overwhelmed. He could even tell that from the way you were breathing. Your eyes were wide, and you were shaking a little.

Without saying anything, you did the first thing you always do when you are having a bad day. Sit down in front of him and rest your head in his lap. His hand was coming to hover over your head when you spoke, "Today sucked. Today sucked so much," Your voice shook a little bit as you nuzzled your cheek into his lap.

Scaramouche's breath hitched in his throat. You were clinging to him, your hand holding onto the fabric of his shorts. This wasn't uncharacteristic for you in the slightest, but what he did notice was that your hand was grasping that little bunch of fabric a little tighter. "Talk. Tell me what happened?" He stroked a hand through your hair.

The moment you felt his hand stroke through your hair, you felt the tension in your body being eased. Head pets really do go a long way. You nuzzled your cheek against his lap again. "I couldn't do anything right all day. No matter what I did. And all I did was get in the way," Your words sounds shaky, the tears that you had been struggling to hold back fell from your eyes. "And you know I hate being in the way."

Scaramouche knew you were doing your best to try and hide the fact that you were crying. He rubbed his fingers gently along your scalp. "Stop that," He said softly once he was sure you were finished speaking. He could never stand when you cried. "And you aren't in the way. The world around you gets in your way, not the other way around. Life is funny like that, no?"

You couldn't help but laugh a little. Scaramouche said that in a tone that implied it was true because he said it was. He breathed out a soft sigh of relief hearing you laugh.

The longer his hand stroked through your hair, the more relaxed you became. You had focused on the sound of his voice. It always had such an affect on you. Any stress from the day was single-handedly being ebbed away.

It was a long few moments before you picked your head up from Scaramouche's lap. The look in your eyes was lighter, and your body didn't look as heavy. "But it's okay now, though," You said, smiling softly at him.

"Hm?" He brushed some hair off of your face, brushing his fingers across your cheek. It was an action he knew would always soothe you.

You turned your cheek into his hand. "It's okay now, and you do wanna know why?" You nuzzled your cheek into his hand before returning it to his lap. You felt Scaramouche's hand immediately find your hair to stroke it again. "It's because I know at the end of the day, after everything is all said and done, none of it matters. Because I get to come home to you."

Scaramouche's cheeks flushed. Look at you. He was one comforting you, and yet somehow, you were comforting him instead.

[moronkombat]

Straight to it, Bi Han finds his wife dead 😘🥰😍

tw: character death, afab pronouns used

god this ask is blessed

Wind blows lightly, the breeze is warm and pleasant. Loose strands of pure ebony wisp past the curve of a cheek bone while eyes just as dark look to a gathering of flowers so perfectly planted. Bi-Han watches as petals fall limp and wrinkled, flora beginning the end of its life. There's a hand holding his, so much smaller than his own, yet the weight heavier than any mountain.

He hears her speaking and notices her adoring smile. She is beautiful, really, a grand masterpiece of humanity's kindness. Bi-Han loves her more than he can love anything else. She knows this, he never has to say it. He need only look upon her and his heart shines through his gaze.

They stood together in their garden as they always did before Bi-Han had to go. This their own little sanctuary where time stops. They should have never left that place.

Heart pounds in his chest, legs carry him faster and faster. Blood has spattered and drenched him while he runs through hallways that seem almost endless. It wasn't supposed to be like this. This meant to be between him and the Tengu and yet they have pulled that which is most precious to Bi-Han in its horrible grasp.

Ice continues to pierce those who stand in his way and the blood is so heavy upon his skin. He cannot stop, he must find her. Bi-Han knows the Tengu have her, they had told him as much. Their bodies are ripped and torn as the frantic man searches for his kidnapped wife.

The corpses have led him to some place dark but her light still shines through. There she stands, held by hands Bi-Han wishes to slice. Her eyes...she is terrified. She quivers and shakes while tears dirty her face. Bi-Han rages, an internal war erupts. Beast like eyes stare at the one who holds her from him and fingers twitch and become frigid.

"I'll kill you..." Bi-Han rasps through his bloodstained mask and everything within him begins to shake.

The Tengu looks at him, unafraid and resilient. He hums something that Bi-Han doesn't catch before eyes begin to crinkle into a smile.

"I know." He says. "But I will destroy you."

No! Bi-Han lunges forward, the ice that runs in his veins manifesting into life. Life really is a fickle thing. Blades catch the dimmed light of the room and beam with the strength of the sun. Sharpened and refined metal cuts through the air before it embraces flesh. Ribs begin to crack, blood begins to pour and her shriek lasts only but a moment before lungs are lacerated by a Tengu's wrath.

Blood flies through the air and paints a man most terrified. Droplets of her warm and scalding blood find themselves colliding onto Bi-Han's cheek as he reaches forward for her. Eyes widen while hers begin to fade dim. There's a scream. One inhuman and broken apart. As she falls, ice cuts through her attacker's throat and a life is ended.

Before that wretched Tengu body and even hit the floor, Bi-Han is cradling his dear wife who gasps and writhes in pain. His eyes look over her, blood is pooling from her wound even as his hands attempt to stop it.

"No, no, no, no-" Bi-Han panics, cold hands covered in burning crimson as a palm lays against her chest. "It's going to be alright, it's going to be okay-"

She knows he is lying but her words cannot form. Too trapped by the gasps for breath and cries of pain. Her blood is spilling faster now, it falls from her lips and runs down her chin like a flowing stream. The visage of him begins to blur until there is nothing but an obscured void.

"Stay with me now...!" his words all she has left to cling to but even they begin to echo and fade.

Her gasps, her pained whines...they are gone now. She is gone. An empty body is left in her place, limp and heavy. Bi-Han's eyes dart around her, a hand coated in red cups her cheek. He called out her name but she merely stares back at him with hazy eyes and bloody lips. Bi-Han's trembling body now crumbles apart and he cradles her just as he did when they were alone in that very special garden. The garden they never should have departed from.

He cries, he wails, begging her to speak to him, to hold him like she always did. She cannot, her body no better than the corpses he left behind. There's hurried clatter, the sound of footsteps approaching. Two younger brothers stand in the doorway, staring at the sight they should have never seen.

They stand together, Tomas and Kuai Liang looking at each other. Both are unsure of what to say as they watch their eldest brother sob and hold onto an empty husk of what was once the love of his life.

Bi-Han's mind is lost to him. He begs and pleads for her to awaken; he screams in the agony of pure destruction. The one he cries for cannot hear him. The wind blows lightly, the breeze cold and haunting.

[twidara]

NANA Analysis: the bathtub theory, love and self-destruction.

TW: suicide and self-harm

⚠️SPOILERS

This isn’t a topic widely discussed due to the abrupt hiatus of NANA, but our dear Ai Yazawa loves to work with foreshadowing, and we have enough clues to consider that something really bad happened between the two timelines.

Nana is a realistic work, and we can see representations of self-destructive behaviors in many characters. When it comes to Nana Osaki and Nana Komatsu (whom I'll refer to as Hachi to make things easier), we can see these behaviors manifesting with anyone they love.

Due to her abandonment trauma, when Nana feels love for someone this can bring out her worst side: possessiveness, selfishness, jealousy, and envy. Ren is Nana’s first love, and through him, she forms a special connection with music and be singer becomes her dream. However, Nana considers her dreams and her pride more important than anything else.

For Hachi, love is more idealized… she follows the ‘formula’: fall in love > date > get married > have children > happily ever after. But Hachi doesn't just idealize love, she also idealizes who she loves.

So I think that ‘love’ becomes a self-destructive emotion for both of them. When Nana feels abandoned by those she loves (Ren and Hachi < mainly this woman), she experiences mental gaps (forgets about what she done and what happen) and also hyperventilates. Nana briefly talks about her mental gaps when she remembers the memory of her mother left her behind in the snow (while wearing red heels, which Nana realizes may not be a reliable memory). Also, she and Ren have this toxic relationship with no perspective for future, which hurts them a lot.

Then… we have Hachi, who has an insatiable desire to be loved, and this becomes ‘the compass’ for all the bad decisions she’ll make throughout her journey. Groomed by an older man in high school, moves to Tokyo with many dreams and ends up getting cheated on, and meets Takumi. Well, you already know the rest. The problem with this Nana isn’t particularly in how she loves people; she can be selfish at times, but her love is genuine, she’s not the priority. Like Nana Osaki says she’s a ‘puppy’: you kick the puppy, it gets hurt, but then the puppy always comes back to you. Hachi’s problem is that she has no self-love, pride won't be a problem, she's able to see herself as the villain in any situation (even with Takumi).

The relationships between Ren and Nana, and Hachi and Takumi are toxic in different ways. We can see both Nanas struggling with the frustration of these relationships. Nana hurts her pride so she can have some control over Ren, but it doesn’t really work.

Nana: [You can't make people do what you want. Even if you cry... or shout... or cling to them.]

And even though Hachi tries to follow this 'formula', she can’t fill the emptiness inside her, living a life full of regrets.

Hachi: [It's like the jealousy of a woman who wasn't capable of being happy... Always acting on stage, alone, running in circles no matter what she did.]

Let’s get to the point: What happened in the bathtub? I’ll start with the numerous foreshadowings about self-harm and drowning in water. I've lost count of how many times Junko and Kyosuke talked about this:

Kyosuke: [That’s scary… she might even slit her wrists, who knows.]

Junko: [Girl... I was knocking so hard for so long. I was scared you’d slit your wrists with a razor blade! (I could see it all... Blood spurting out...)]

and there's more and more... let's skip

So for some reason, everyone is convinced that Hachi is going to cut her wrists because of a heartbreak, which never even crosses her mind lol, as we can see she had other plans:

Hachi: [That night... If Nana hadn’t been there for me... I would have thrown myself into the Tama river. I’m sure of that.]

The irony is… when it comes to representations of drowning or anything related to water, Nana is the focus. We have this scene in manga, and in anime opening, we see a lot of scenes of Nana drowning.

The bathtub is more symbolic between Nana and Ren; Ren was constantly using the bathtub to ‘drown in drugs’, Reira and Takumi seem aware of this. But again, the bathtub is also extremely symbolic between Nana and Hachi, we can see some intimate moments there. And of course, Ai Yazawa wants to make us freak out. When we are convinced that Nana is the one who got hurt in the bathtub, it relates back to Hachi when she talks to Miu:

Later in the ‘present’ timeline, we’ll also see Nobu worried about Hachi while se prepares a bath for him, but Hachi is someone who could be greatly affected by a possible suicide attempt from Nana. Nana also has that death pact with Ren, in last chapters, we can see that her situation it’s not good, she’s still clinging to love to live, in this case, holding on to Hachi. To be fair, Hachi is also in a terrible situation, she’s pregnant; her hormones are all over the place, and the postpartum it’s cruel.

But I don’t think Ai Yazawa would repeat what’s happened with Shin’s mother, although Hachi is very close to that role now; after all, no matter what others think, ‘I’m his mother’. The situation of Shin’s mother it’s a parallel to Hachi’s pregnancy at certain points, especially since Yazawa wants to keep the mystery of the baby’s paternity.

Anyway, Nana, all we know is that she disappeared and everyone thought she was dead, with rumors like ‘She died at sea’.

Nana: [Any place was fine with me… As long as I could see the sea. I can die whenever I want… As long as I know the sea’s nearby. I came here… Looking for a place to die. So why… am I still here?]

The only doubt in my mind is that the women of the Osaki family are naturally runaways. Nana could have simply run away from the start. But she’s still the strong candidate, since she mentions that Hachi saved her life and since BOTH are named Nana, I wouldn’t be surprised if Hachi was just a misleading clue all this time. Junko and Kyosuke calls Hachi for her name (Nana), but maybe I’m just overthinking.

Is getting long, so to wrap up, I want to talk about the meaning of the name Ren (蓮), especially since we have two characters named Ren in Nana. The lotus flower in Buddhism represents the belief in samsara, the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth. Also, is often seen as a symbol of purity because it rises and blooms beautifully above the muddy waters from which it grows. This imagery represents the idea of achieving spiritual purity despite difficult circumstances.

Nana’s Ren is dead, and given everything he represented to her, it’s entirely understandable that she feels lost. On the other hand, Hachi’s Ren has yet to be born, and it’ll likely be her greatest point of development. Although Nana seems strong enough to overcome anything, she’s not, while Hachi, who is seen as fragile, manages to persist through difficulties. It’s as if their roles initially invert: Hachi gains strength, and Nana weakens (I'm just making a comparison with the beginning of the story). Nana and Hachi continue to live with the hope that ‘Life is about getting knocked down over and over, but still getting up each time. If you keep getting up, you win’. This is something Nana learned from Ren and taught to Hachi. It’s simply beautiful how, despite everything, their love for each other is what keeps them strong, even when apart; love has become a form of healing for Nana and Hachi.

I've wanted to write about this for a while, now that I’ve read NANA 777 times, I can talk about it with more confidence hehe.

[your-average-yandere-lover]

𝓡𝓮𝓭𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓸𝓷 𝓗𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓸𝔀𝓮𝓮𝓷 𝓗𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓬𝓪𝓷𝓷𝓸𝓷’𝓼

Tw: Cursing, Spooky themes, Teo slander, mentions of pumpkin slaughter and suggestive content under the cut.

Notes: Happy Halloween! I wanted to do more but I've been so busy with midterms, work and personal stuff that I never got around to it! Here is my half assed Redacted headcanon because—I can. Side note if someone can clarify, is redacted they/them exclusive or bother he/him, they/them, my ass is confused. Obsessed either way though, none the less lol…mk—Happy Halloween!!! ψ(｀∇´)ψ

❥ Redacted likes Halloween. Obviously, they would only want to celebrate Halloween if it makes angel happy. However, considering Redacted is a huge horror fan, they would probably pick Halloween over the other holidays.

❥ Redacted enjoys when you feel safe and happy so, when you said you wanted to go to a haunted house, it wasn’t exactly exciting news.

❥ The idea of you being in fear was something they dreaded but…on the other hand…you clinging onto them for dear life was just a tiny…tiny bit tempting—but the cost of scaring you didn’t compete with the temptation of being depended on. Ultimately they agreed to take you, but they had to gather every ounce of strength in them to ensure they didn’t clobber every actor jumping out in front of you.

❥ Unknowingly angel did the staff an act of kindness when convincing Redacted not to take their ‘new’ sledgehammer to ‘cosplay’ as a serial killer whilst out and about.

❥ Redacted has a special cell in hell for the few propionate actors that popped out and made angel scream bloody murder—And don’t think for one minute he doesn’t have a grudge against every single person who works at the haunted house—even though it was your idea to go in the first place. Simply put, he’s not nearly as forgiving as angel.

❥ At some point in the spooky season, Redacted would absolutely take you to your favorite candy shop, if you like sweets, because—who doesn’t love treating their inner child to some candies! They’d make sure that the store would have all the candies you’d both would share as kids. Redacted would also make sure sure to buy a bunch to take home and devour while you turn off the lights and pretend you aren’t home when the trick-or-treaters come by. Yk because that’s what all adults do on Halloween—be fr with me rn. Unless your Teo ig…I have no doubt homeboy is terrorizing children and flirting with women wearing suggestive outfits, on their way to parties.

❥ Around the spooky season, Redacted loves to watch you watching classics like Slasher films or Halloween but, he’ll only put them on if you want to watch them. He enjoys setting out nostalgic snacks from your childhoods and cuddling up in a blanket with you.

❥ Redacted may pull off the goth aesthetic, however Redacted would create a movie night straight outta a Pinterest board if they knew it would make angel happy. They’d honestly do anything to make you smile and enjoy your time together.

❥ When you suggested pumpkin carving, you never expected them to create such detailed monstrosities. Their pumpkin looked professional, they would absolutely win any contest, hands down; ya boy put Dr.Frankenstein to shame. And watching them carve the guts out was another thing, bro would literally butcher the pumpkin like they were creating an audition tape for a slasher film; they were completely unphased by the nasty smell and the pumpkin pulp everywhere.

❥ Being an artist they’d made their pumpkins look really cool—like one was a hockey mask and the other was a cute doodle like portrait of you as an Angel which he loved your sweet reaction to. The only down side was you didn’t really have anywhere to put them but luckily the you and the fellow library staff were told you could bring some by to add a bit of fun to the building around the spooky season.

❥ If you like pumpkin seeds, he’d make them with you after you set out your pumpkins. The more fun activities to do with you the better—even if they watched twenty different videos on baking the seeds the night before and is stressed about making sure everything is perfect.

❥ If you bake your friends anything, Redacted will get hella Jealous. They want to say something but they don’t wanna ruin your fun ideas—well they really just want you to save your fun ideas for them. Besides you look so cute in the apron they bought you. They end up switching your sugar with the salt, and making the desserts into a literal salt licks in hopes you give up and go to them for comfort. And that maybe if you serve your dessert to other people they will fall off the face of the earth.

❥On that note…He would 100% scare the living shit out of Leon, Teo, Jay, Violet, anyone honestly if you weren't around or you thought it was funny.

~~~~~18+ under the line~~~~~~~

❥ You’re gonna dress up?…Hell yeah. Redacted loves this idea. They’d shamelessly sends you all sorts of costumes you can’t wear out. They won’t waste the opportunity to make this holiday into an excuse to seduce angel.

[elyvorg]

Kieran Part 2: It’s All About YOU

Well, looks like The Indigo Disk didn’t remotely drop the ball – it caught it in incredible style! Pokémon’s best character-writing job yet has been followed up and capped off with, if anything, something even better. Kieran is far and away the most complex and well-written character that mainline Pokémon has ever achieved, and I am here to talk about the second half of why this is, in very great detail. Consider me just, blown away. I have So Many Feelings about this boy.

This is of course a follow-up to my earlier analysis post about Kieran’s character and arc during The Teal Mask, which you can find here. Reading that before this is recommended!

(This will contain a couple of brief references to some post-epilogue lines, so if you haven’t got to that stuff yet and you really care about seeing it completely fresh, you might want to hold off on reading this for now. But there’s no actual spoilers for the epilogue itself in here, because, whoops, I think I’m gonna have to cover all of that in yet another post of its own.)

(Like last time, I will be largely referring to the player character as “you” for convenience, although I may shift into third person occasionally when I’m talking about the vague implications of a personality that they are given, since that’s a little more relevant this time.)

The gaping pit of inferiority

First, though, before getting into The Indigo Disk, I want to re-establish where Kieran’s character ended up at the end of Teal Mask, now that I have a clearer idea of exactly how that relates to where things are headed.

Kieran was always gripped by an aching inferiority complex, one too huge and unbearable for him to ever face directly. Prior to Teal Mask, he’d coped with that by clinging to the figure of the ogre as an ideal of strength. He imagined that maybe one day if he managed to grow strong enough to be just like it, the ogre would acknowledge him and be his friend – and that would finally mean that he mattered and he really was strong after all. He finally wouldn’t have to deal with the crushing pain of his inferiority complex any more.

But then, of course, you swept in with your amazingly perfect protagonist strength, ripping away Kieran’s chance of ever befriending Ogerpon and doing so in the most tragically agonising way possible that only seemed to validate and hammer home to him just how hopelessly weak he really is. Left with nothing but an even bigger gaping pit of inferiority inside him, and no longer able to cling to the idea of Ogerpon as a way for him to one day escape it, the only thing Kieran could do in order to cope was find something else to latch onto: you.

You became a greater ideal of strength to Kieran than even Ogerpon ever was during the events of Teal Mask, so now he’s hung everything on the thought of making himself strong enough to prove he’s just as good as you. If he can become strong enough to beat you, surely that of all things will be enough to prove that he matters and isn’t weak at all. It’s the only thing he can conceive of that might just free him from the grip of his terrifyingly massive inferiority complex, and he’s clinging onto it for dear life, striving for it to the point of obsession.

I saw a lot of people talk in the lead-up to this DLC like it was going to be about Kieran wanting revenge on you, but that’s not remotely it. He isn’t even able to comprehend the idea that anything you did to him could be considered wrong in the first place; that’s just how things were meant to go when you’re strong and he’s weak, right? Even though it was you who took everything away from him and made him feel so crushingly inferior, that pales in his mind next to how incredibly strong you are and how badly he needs to be like that himself. This isn’t even about him getting another shot at winning over Ogerpon, either – as much as you having become her trainer is a huge source of pain and jealousy for him, he seems to have pretty much accepted that there’s no changing that now.

What Kieran actually, consciously wants out of all this is…  well, it’s extremely vague and nebulous, but that’s precisely the point, because there is no rationality involved in any of it. What is he really hoping to gain from it, when (if) he beats you? For you to decide to be his friend after all? For him to instantly become happy and finally feel strong? For him to magically turn into you and have all the good things you have that he envies about you? Obviously none of those things would necessarily happen, but Kieran is not consciously thinking any of this through to its logical endpoint. He’s not actually hoping to get a specific Thing out of beating you – he just desperately, indescribably feels like he needs to beat you, more than anything else in the world.

What Kieran really needs out of this deep down is for you, this person he’s warped himself into idolising as the Strongest Most Perfect Person Ever, to acknowledge him and his strength. It’s just like he wanted Ogerpon to acknowledge him before, shifted onto a new target of idolisation and grown far more desperately obsessive. If you of all people acknowledged him, then just maybe it might actually be true that he really is strong and worth something after all. At its most fundamental level, Kieran has always just deeply needed to gain a sense of self-worth, and yet his self-esteem is so horribly low that he’s basically incapable of doing so on his own without outside validation. But I really don’t think he’s aware on a conscious level that this is what he needs and what he’s striving to get out of all this.

(And of course there’s no way you’d ever acknowledge him and his worth as a person anyway, right? He thought you’d maybe done that when you called him a friend back in Kitakami, but any fleeting hope of gaining self-worth that way evaporated when you went and lied to him, validating his fears that obviously you’d couldn’t possibly have meant it. After all, why would someone as strong as you ever want to be friends with someone weak like him? The only way you’d ever possibly acknowledge his worth is if he conclusively proved that he’s even stronger than you, by defeating you in battle.)

Blueberry Academy

The other thing I want to do before getting into the events of The Indigo Disk itself is to re-evaluate a few assumptions I made about Blueberry Academy in the previous post, now that we’ve actually seen it for ourselves.

I was assuming that a significant part of the reason for Kieran’s inferiority complex was due to him being bullied at Blueberry, but… there’s absolutely zero indication from any of the NPC dialogue that any such thing happened. If the writers wanted this to be a fact that was relevant to Kieran’s character, they absolutely would have put something in. However, in hindsight, I realise that maybe I was primed to assume a bullying problem at Blueberry due to the Team Star storyline, when actually, Kieran being bullied there doesn’t necessarily fit. His issues about being shunned and his paranoia that people are laughing at him behind his back are so ingrained that they have to have originated from quite a while ago in his childhood – and he’s only a first-year at Blueberry.

So, scratch that part of the previous post: Kieran was not bullied at Blueberry Academy, but he was almost certainly bullied earlier on in his childhood, at whatever school(s) he attended beforehand. It wouldn’t necessarily have needed to be a really overt, physical kind of bullying either – that’s the sort of thing that Carmine would certainly have noticed and protected him from. But even something more low-key like being constantly left out of things and looked down on by others would have left a huge psychological mark on him, and would have probably been too subtle for his socially oblivious sister to do much about. (Or, in some ways, she might just have made such things worse by being so fiercely overprotective of him. Most people wouldn’t want to go near the kid with the Scary Big Sister who’ll bite their head off if they so much as look at him wrong.)

Bullying aside, I was looking for any kind of clues at all from the NPCs as to what Kieran was like at Blueberry Academy before his big change… and there’s almost nothing. Plenty of people comment on Kieran now, because everyone knows who he is as the Champion, but nobody shows surprise that it was this timid kid who rose up and beat Drayton. It seems that as far as most of the students are concerned, he just came out of nowhere. But maybe that’s the point; maybe almost nobody ever even noticed him or thought anything of him at all until he grew stronger. By the time he joined Blueberry Academy, Kieran’s default coping mechanism must have been to make himself as small and invisible as possible, so that basically nobody even really thought twice about him.

Only two whole NPCs actually make any kind of reference to what Kieran was like before he became Champion. (Well, other than Carmine, of course, and also discounting Amarys because she’d have only known Kieran through her friendship with his sister.) One of them is Drayton, who’d noticed him as the incredibly shy kid who nonetheless lit up with joy more than anyone else when watching battles. And then there is one random NPC you can find in the Central Plaza who comments on how Kieran has turned into a completely different person. That’s it. Only two people happened to have noticed this timid kid enough to realise he’s the same guy who suddenly became Champion. (And, while they both seem at least a little concerned, neither of them appear to have outright considered Kieran a friend, because of course not. You really were the first friend he’d ever managed to make, until everything went horribly wrong.)

One thing I was expecting to get from the vibe at Blueberry that it absolutely did deliver, mind you, was the culture around battling. There’s all sorts of talk about battling and getting stronger, double battles as standard to make things more strategic, and even the random NPC trainers can actually be kind of challenging. So I was definitely right that this culture must have contributed to Kieran fixating on getting stronger and proving himself to you through gaining more battling strength in particular. One NPC near the entrance also remarks that “you don’t look strong”, as if people here assume battling strength to be correlated with physical appearance, which… yeah, that explains a bit about why Kieran felt he needed to look different alongside becoming stronger in battle, doesn’t it.

Changing himself

Of course, Kieran’s reasons for changing up his appearance go much deeper than just wanting to superficially “look stronger”. In order to achieve the nigh-impossible feat of managing to match you in strength, he felt like he had to become nothing short of a completely different person. He can’t be anything like that timid, weak, pathetic kid from Kitakami who got walked all over, because there’s no way that kid would ever, ever be able to beat you.

Which means that absolutely everything about who he used to be needed to get thrown away. That hairstyle that practically covered his face and let him hide himself behind it? Gone. His country accent and way of talking due to being raised in Kitakami? That always made him feel different and outcast among the students at Blueberry already, but more than that, it’s a distinctive feature of that kid he used to be and cannot be any more, so he had to cast it away and learn to mask it. Even the unambiguously good parts of him – the way he’d always get so excited and passionate over things he finds cool! – they’re a part of his old self, so they had to go, no exceptions. Far be it from him to ever say “wowzers” any more, for more than one reason. His old hairstyle may have been the one that visually resembled a mask, but now he’s putting on much more of a metaphorical mask than he ever was before. (Putting on a mask to become stronger and hide his reasons to be cast out and shunned – a bit like a certain ogre.)

(And since Kieran’s just on the cusp of puberty, I find it fun to imagine that maybe his voice happened to start breaking in the interim between the two DLCs, so that he doesn’t just talk differently and mask his accent, his voice literally sounds different now compared to how it did before.)

Unfortunately for Kieran, no amount of fervently doing everything in his power to change and grow stronger can make his growth spurt come any sooner. It seems it hasn’t happened quite yet, leaving him awkwardly still the smallest person in the room even as he is trying to project an air of being Strong and Tough now. He gets around this as best he can by adopting a mannerism of taking a step back from people, to give him less of an angle to look up at, and tilting his head far enough back that he can kinda sorta still be looking down on them, in a sense. He is so desperate to not feel small any more.

(Fittingly – or ironically, perhaps – you are the one relevant person who is the same height as Kieran and can face him eye-to-eye. That’s bound to be feeding into his complex about you: all the other people he looked up to and saw as stronger than him were older than him and so they had a good reason to be that strong – but you and he are the same age. You should be his equal, and yet you can already do and have all these things that he could only dream of.)

And his timid demeanour isn’t the only thing from before that Kieran cast away – he also got rid of almost his entire team of Pokémon from those battles back in Kitakami. Nearly all of them went the same way as poor Furret and Cramorant before them, because they weren’t strong enough to win him that vital battle that would definitely have decided who got to become Ogerpon’s partner (right?), so there’s no way they’d ever be able to help him beat you now. The only exception to this is Dipplin, perhaps precisely because Kieran knew it was capable of evolving again and so still had more strength it had yet to show him. The rest of his team got completely overhauled, no doubt informed by his fervent studies in battling strategies to let him put together the strongest and most optimal team he could come up with.

I nearly had a whole spiel here about how excruciating it is that his new team has a Politoed, in that he could almost have kept another of his old partners from his Kitakami team if he hadn’t hastily evolved Poliwhirl into the less strategically-optimal evolution as part of his efforts to prove himself to you during Teal Mask. Except, actually, a postgame line implies that Kieran’s Politoed is also a longtime partner of his, along with his Poliwrath, like they’re a pair. So it’s not that he went and caught a “replacement” Poliwag that he was less attached to – apparently he always had two Poliwag friends from the start and just only ever trained up one of them to use against you in Teal Mask. Then, when that one had failed to be good enough for him, it was the other one’s turn to prove how strong it could really be.

As for his other new team members: Porygon-Z and Incineroar are both available in the Terarium, but Grimmsnarl is only available, to Kieran at least, in Kitakami. So that must be another one he’d caught during the school trip, maybe a candidate he’d considered training up back then but never quite had the time to alongside the rest of his team. And then there’s Dragonite, which is an interesting one, because the Dratini line is nowhere in either Kitakami or the Terarium – meaning, Kieran must have gone out of his way to trade for it in order to get one. Perhaps he was really impressed by the strength of Drayton’s Dragonite and wanted one of his own to match that? (but his has a very different build to Drayton’s, so it’s fine, he’s definitely not just copying Drayton in order to win, okay.) I like to think that maybe he got it from Carmine, who’d apparently been visiting loads of other regions with Briar during Kieran’s obsessive training arc and therefore could have been in a position to catch a Dratini.

More importantly than just catching these new Pokémon, though, would have been training them, which Kieran threw himself into so obsessively that it and studying battling strategies now consume every single moment he has, to a concerningly unhealthy degree. He’s cutting back on sleep, barely eating proper meals, because spending any more time than necessary on even things like basic physical needs is not acceptable to him. You are so overwhelmingly, impossibly strong in his mind that, in order to match your strength, Kieran feels like he has to give everything, no matter the cost to himself.

Being Champion

And, well, his fervent desperate self-destructive training did indeed make him strong enough to become Champion of the BB League. It’s only a stepping stone, a means to an end for his ultimate goal of being strong enough to beat you – but it’s something. As Champion, Kieran’s known to everyone in the school, getting awed murmurs wherever he shows up. People respect him now, because he’s proven that he's strong. (The very converse of how everyone ignored and shunned him back when he was weak. That’s how it goes, right?) And on top of that, he’s earned himself a position of authority over everyone in the League Club.

…Frankly, it’s a very stupid rule the club has to make the Champion be automatically in charge of the whole thing, precisely because of situations like this, in which the trainer who happens to be strongest also happens to be someone nobody else wants bossing them around. But thanks to that stupid rule existing, Kieran’s in charge now, and everyone else has to do what he says whether they like it or not, because he’s the strongest of all of them. Way to validate and perpetuate Kieran’s toxic worldview that having strength (battling strength) means you get to call the shots and walk all over anybody who’s weaker than you, and that’s just how things work.

Our first glimpse of how drastically Kieran’s changed, the interaction we see him having with that one poor club member, is bound to be the epitome of how he’s been treating everyone in the club these days. And he is not simply being a dick for the hell of it just because he can now and he’s turned Edgy or whatever – everything about his behaviour here is agonisingly rooted in his own deeply ingrained worldview about strength and weakness.

It's so tragically telling how he phrases his scathing disapproval of the poor guy as, “So that means you’re just OK being this weak forever? That what I’m hearing?” That’s not at all what the guy was saying, but Kieran hears it that way because he can’t help but see his own former, weaker self everywhere he looks. At the end of Teal Mask, he was trapped in that horrible pit of feeling like there was nothing he could do except be this weak forever, unless he devoted himself obsessively to becoming stronger and stronger and stronger with everything he had. Any tiny sign of weakness in anybody else reminds him of that place, reminds him that the only reason he’s not trapped there himself right now is because he’s spending every waking moment trying to claw his way out.

The guy’s reason for not completing Kieran’s training assignment wasn’t even that he didn’t want to do it. He said he’d had hectic stuff going on at home that meant he didn’t have time, which ought to be a perfectly reasonable excuse! But… not to Kieran, it isn’t. Kieran has sacrificed everything to become as strong as he is, even basic physical self-care; he would have chosen training over busy home-life stuff in a heartbeat. Anyone who isn’t willing to do the same, anyone to whom growing stronger isn’t the most important thing in the world – they’re not good enough. They must obviously just want to stay weak forever, like Kieran himself absolutely could not bear to be. So he kicks the poor guy out of the club, thus dooming him, in Kieran’s view, to really being stuck this weak forever with no chance to improve.

It's bound to be just like this for everyone else in the club, too, based on plenty of comments we hear about how Kieran becoming Champion has taken the fun out of everything, and the ridiculously strict rules he’s apparently put in place. He’s projecting his own unhealthily high standards of strength onto everyone else, then shunning them if they don’t manage to live up to that, because that’s just what happens to people who are weak, right? It is agonising to watch Kieran perpetuating the exact same toxicity that he used to always feel like he was on the receiving end of, especially as that isn’t even really why he was ever treated that way.

None of this is the behaviour of someone who is even remotely secure and confident in their strength. Despite being Champion and having the respect of the entire school, Kieran is still constantly terrified that even the slightest thing, even so much as allowing a tiny instance of “weakness” in anyone associated with him, will cause all of the strength he’s worked so hard to build to come crashing down in an instant. (One detail I really love about the scene where he’s telling that one guy off is the way Kieran’s tapping his foot at the beginning. He probably means it as a way to express impatience, but really it comes across as incredibly anxious and insecure. The animators did some excellent stuff with Kieran in this DLC.)

And what’s extra heartbreaking is that Kieran doesn’t need to be doing any of this. He’s the Champion now; he is undeniably strong; he’s able to talk to others; people notice and respect him. He is already in a position to reach out and grasp everything he’s ever wanted: acknowledgement, friendship, fun. He used to love battling – he’s supposed to love battling – so he could be having a great time with all this! If he just dropped this toxic mindset and stopped letting it turn him into a massive jerk, he could make friends with the Elite Four and others in the League Club and not be alone any more!

But he’s not able to see any of that. None of the things he’s already genuinely gained for himself truly feel like they matter, not when they’re all just a means to an end for the one thing that does – proving he can beat you. By desperately hanging his entire self-worth on the idea of becoming strong enough to measure up to you and nobody else, Kieran has blinded himself to the fact that he’s already found a good amount of what he’d always truly wanted in the first place. And it also means that, if he can’t beat you when that day comes, everything he’s done will be for nothing.

Drayton and Carmine

But although nobody is happy with the way things are now (least of all Kieran himself), it seems only a couple of people have been willing to question Kieran’s “authority” enough to try and talk him out of this.

One of them is Drayton, who’s doing this not just out of wanting his club to go back to normal, but also because he’s the almost-only person to have noticed the timid yet battle-loving kid Kieran used to be, and he genuinely wants to help Kieran remember how to have fun like that again. Unfortunately, it seems that any of Drayton’s attempts to tell him this bounced right off Kieran, because fun and excitement were a part of that weak kid he used to be and absolutely cannot be any more.

Plus, with his newfound authority and validation of his toxic worldview, Kieran would easily be able to brush off anything Drayton said to him with the excuse that he doesn’t have to listen to someone who can’t beat him. He actually mentions at one point that Drayton “always loses” to him, implying they’ve battled more than once. Apparently, in an attempt to get Kieran to listen, Drayton actually went and challenged him to a rematch at some point, or maybe even several – a remarkable amount of effort, coming from Drayton – but he still couldn’t win.

(Kieran is bound to be super jealous of the way Drayton appears so effortless in his strength, when Kieran himself had to train and strive so hard to reach this level. But on the flip side, now that Kieran is the stronger one, he can use Drayton’s laziness as another way to paint himself as superior. Obviously the reason Drayton keeps losing to him is because he doesn’t train nearly as hard as Kieran does.)

It also doesn’t help that Drayton’s attitude towards Kieran when he’s not specifically trying to encourage him to have fun again is very sarcastic and condescending, drawing from his deep frustration at Kieran’s attitude. It must be very easy for Kieran to completely overlook the part where Drayton is actually doing this because he cares – he probably feels that Drayton just hates him and wants him gone. (Just like everyone who’d always shun him and treat him like an outcast before, right.)

Then there’s Carmine, who’s been incredibly worried about the change in her brother and is bound to have done her fair share of trying to talk him out of this too, evidently also to no effect. It’s certainly easy for Kieran to remain oblivious to the fact that she’s doing this because she cares about him and isn’t just trying to bring him down, since she has, uh, historically not been very good at showing that.

It seems that Kieran has largely been avoiding Carmine since he overhauled everything about himself. No doubt a lot of that is because, what with her being part of the reason for his inferiority complex in the first place, she’s capable of triggering his insecurities more intensely than anybody else can. But maybe it’s also partly because on some level, he’s aware that she’s got a point now with the things she’s trying to say to him, and that makes him feel bad, and have doubts that he can’t afford to be having. Carmine’s certainly right to be concerned that his behaviour now would be driving any friends of his away – although she is almost definitely wildly wrong to be assuming Kieran even had any friends other than you before all of this.

(For that matter, she’s very wrong to assume that you are still his friend right now in a totally normal way; ha ha ha. But then, based on your options of “yes” and “yes” when Drayton asks you if you're Kieran's friend, it seems that you – the player character – are also somehow completely oblivious to the fact that Kieran just maybe might not consider you a friend any more on his end. Which just makes this whole thing even more excruciating.)

The dynamic between the siblings during the one brief time we see them interact here has notably changed, in that Kieran is finally able to stand up for himself more, telling Carmine to shut up when she tells him off. And yet, he doesn’t do so very forcefully, averting his gaze in a way that suggests he just sort of mumbles it. He probably realises she has a point about what she was saying – that he shouldn’t act so condescending towards you. Which on Carmine’s end, she said because she doesn’t want him to drive away the one friend he still (supposedly) has, but that’s not how it’d read on Kieran’s end, because he doesn’t believe you ever were his friend at all. He must have felt like his sister has a point only because he doesn’t have the right to act that way towards you, not when he still hasn’t proven himself to you yet (and maybe never will).

Unexpected reunion

See, there’s a lot of interesting stuff going on under the surface of Kieran’s reaction to suddenly meeting you here. Literally everything he’s been doing this entire time has been for the sole purpose of defeating you when he sees you again. Which means that you showing up and challenging the BB League should be exactly what he wants and has always been waiting for. And yet.

The first notable thing is that he had nothing to do with inviting you here – the person responsible for that was Carmine. She probably figured that you’d be able to help her brother out, so she recommended you to the director when she heard he was looking for an exchange student to invite from Paldea. As Champion of the school, Kieran should also have had enough influence to make such a recommendation – but he didn’t.

Then, when Kieran comes to the cafeteria, he has plenty of condescending things to say to Drayton (about how taking a lunch break is a waste of time, because who needs to bother with basic physical needs like eating when they could be training instead, right). But the moment he sees you, he’s just shocked at you even being here… and then he’s very quiet for the entire rest of the conversation.

Drayton puts things to a vote among the Elites plus Kieran as to whether you should be allowed to join the BB League, and – despite that this should be exactly what he wants – Kieran is the last to vote. He only does so when he’s forced to break the tie.

(Although, it’s revealing in a different way that the Elite Four all ask each other for their opinions first, with none of them naturally thinking to consult Kieran. Despite his newfound strength and authority, he is still socially excluded – but this time he really has nobody but himself to blame.)

Kieran’s wording of how he casts his vote is so very telling. Just: “It doesn’t matter who I’m facing… I don’t lose.” – and he says nothing else before leaving in a huff. He words this in a generalised way, as if this an overarching principle of his that has nothing to do with you in particular, even though it’s always been about you. Because if he let himself think about how you in particular will be his opponent, then suddenly the statement that he doesn’t lose doesn’t feel so certain. But, put on the spot like this, he cannot show any sign that he’s afraid he might lose to you – that would be like giving up and accepting that all the effort he’s put in for all this time has been for nothing. So he has no choice but to let you join.

(Drayton totally knew he would refuse to lose face like this if put on the spot, of course, and that the Elites would vote 2-2 between them and leave Kieran with the deciding vote, which is precisely why he set things up this way. Kieran’s not unaware of this, either.)

There’s a brief interim here as you head to the front desk to officially sign up for the League. This gives Kieran a moment alone to process the fact that, welp, this really is happening, you’re really here, and, isn’t this supposed to be exactly what he always wanted? Hasn’t everything always been so that he can beat you this time? He manages to twist things around in his head, convince himself that yes, this is it, the chance he’s been waiting for, and he will win when it comes down to it, he will, because that’s what it’s all been for.

As such, when he shows up at the front desk to confirm that he’s allowing you to join, Kieran is able to be a lot more direct about you challenging him than he was in his one whole sentence on the topic in the cafeteria. Even then, he makes a comment to Drayton about how he feels like he was manipulated into this… then immediately insists that he’s fine with it because this is what he wanted anyway. If it was truly 100% what he wanted, he wouldn’t have felt manipulated!

To sum all of this up: it is abundantly, delightfully clear beneath the surface that Kieran does not actually feel ready to face you. He would never have felt ready for this, no matter how long he’d spent training and pushing himself, because your impossible unreachable strength and his own inherent worthlessness are both so deeply ingrained in his mind that he is incapable of truly believing he can match you.

But, well, here you are, and now Drayton’s trapped Kieran in this situation where he has no choice but to keep up the mask of strength and confidence he’s been putting on all this time. So he’s got to act like he’s fine with you challenging him, whether he truly feels ready or not.

Your Elite Four challenge

As you work your way through the Elite Four’s ranks to earn the right to challenge him, Kieran is very insistent that you’d better not dare lose to anybody else before facing him, or to have gotten weaker in any way since he last met you.

You might think that Kieran would be glad if you actually did lose to one of the Elite Four and never manage to make it to him, because, hey, that means he’s already stronger than you! He doesn’t even have to worry about whether he can win his battle against you! But… no, that wouldn’t be how it’s supposed to go. The way Kieran’s been building things up in his head the entire time, his whole life is supposed to magically somehow get better when he beats you. He needs to prove himself and his new strength to you, specifically. It wouldn’t mean anything if someone else beat you first, or if you’re somehow not actually still the impossibly strong person he’s idolised and fixated so hard on becoming equal to. That’d just be the most crushing anticlimax for him, in which he never gets to achieve what he’s been striving so hard for, and in which he’d have to somehow come to terms with the fact that… he’s already stronger than you, and yet he still doesn’t feel better or any less agonisingly inferior than he always did? If that happened, he’d be at a complete loss as to any other way to escape how he feels about himself.

But, fortunately for him (for some value of “fortunate”), you of course still are just as strong as you always were. On hearing you assure him of this, and also on seeing it for himself as he watches one of your Elite Four battles, Kieran gives this awful twisted grin that does not even slightly reach his eyes (because he has completely forgotten how to genuinely smile and no doubt hasn’t ever done so this entire time). Yes, he will still get to have his long-anticipated showdown with you, and winning that will still somehow magically definitely fix everything that was ever wrong in his life. Definitely.

There’s also the part where, because you come with such glowing recommendations, you get to skip working your way up the BB League from the very bottom and can start right at challenging the Elite Four. Kieran has to feel all kinds of ways about this – on the one hand, he’d tell himself he’s glad because this means he has less time to wait until the battle that he’s definitely totally ready for, and he knows full well that you wouldn’t need to waste your time on small fry at the bottom. But on the other hand… he had to painstakingly work his way all the way up from zero in order to get where he is, so it sure is something that you’re so special that you just get to skip doing that. (And if you did have to start at the bottom, then it’d give him more time to train himself, just to make absolutely sure that he really is ready to face you…)

When you’ve beaten the final Elite, Kieran shows up again and scoffs that this was kind of slow for you, wasn’t it? I believe this isn’t just posturing and was his genuine reaction – you’re so impossibly perfect in his mind that he can’t even comprehend the idea that you wouldn’t breeze through this effortlessly without a single hitch. But still, at least he can turn the fact that you fell short of his impossible expectations into condescension that helps him feel above you and definitely capable of beating you. (How long did it take him to beat the Elite Four, I wonder? Probably longer than you – but of course he’s not gonna bring that up.)

Drayton, meanwhile, has now picked up on the fact that Kieran isn’t just obsessed with winning like he’d initially thought – he’s obsessed with you. Maybe he’d have approached things a little differently if he’d been aware in the beginning that you were a lot more to Kieran than just an old friend. But, welp, bit too late to back out of what he’s set up now, whoops.

And on Kieran’s end, he hasn’t let go of the feeling of being manipulated into this, and now feels like you and Drayton are plotting against him. This poor kid’s paranoia and tendency to assume people are laughing at him behind his back has still not gone away, even if it’s taken on a slightly different form now. It’s probably a good thing he doesn’t ever learn that Carmine was the one who called you here, or he’d think she was in on this supposed conspiracy too.

(But, hey, while Kieran could never do anything about it before whenever he was ganged up on and shunned by others, at least now he’s finally strong enough to fight back and hold his own, despite being outnumbered, right? Just like the ogre did.)

THE BATTLE

So now, it’s finally time: the battle that Kieran has absolutely everything riding on. Of course I’ve already made it abundantly clear here that every single thing he’s done has been for the sole goal of beating you right here and now – but it says a lot that he spends his pre-battle speech making sure you know this. He probably feels like you’re such an amazing superstar trainer that challenging someone for their Champion title is basically just another Tuesday for you, like this is nothing on your end – but this battle is everything for him, everything that he’s been spending every single moment of every single day building up towards for all this time, and he needs you to acknowledge this.

And as if that wasn’t enough, as the battle opens, Kieran screams into the sky with the sheer uncontainable emotion of how much this means to him. Everything he’s been feeling, bottling up, clinging to for so long is spilling out of him now that he’s finally here in this one pivotal moment he’s always been waiting for.

It comes spilling out in a lot more than just that scream, too; he has so many things to say throughout the battle as it all reaches fever pitch inside him. While some of his in-battle dialogue during his Teal Mask fights had fun hints at his issues in there, this one battle here absolutely takes the cake. This is quite possibly the most dialogue in any battle in any Pokémon game, and all of it has something interesting and nuanced going on that’s rooted in Kieran’s massive issues. I cannot resist taking this opportunity to talk about every single bit of it.

His first line as the battle begins is, “I know I’m making the right choice… You’ll understand that soon enough!”, which seems kind of odd on the surface. What “choice” is he even talking about that he feels the need to justify? Accepting a challenge to his Champion position is just what Champions are meant to do. But that’s not what Kieran’s thinking about here – he’s thinking about all of those times that Drayton and Carmine tried to talk him down from the entire way he was acting and pushing himself too hard. Every time they did, he insisted to himself that no, training this insanely hard is the right choice, he needs to do this, and it’ll all be worth it when he beats you. …Somehow. Definitely. You’ll see, you will, you have to…!

On the very first hit he lands on you – it doesn’t even need to be super-effective, any damaging hit will trigger it – he says, “How do you like that? See how hard I’ve trained? Not like that kid you battled in Kitakami, huh?!” In reality, the hit he lands here isn’t necessarily any bigger than the kinds of hits he dealt to you back in Kitakami – but it feels bigger to Kieran. He’s trained so hard that he feels so much stronger and so different from the kid he was back then, and he needs you to see and acknowledge this too.

Meanwhile, your first super-effective attack you land on him manages to pierce through his mask for a moment and get a “wowzers” out of him. It’s not actually any more impressive than any other super-effective hit he might receive from any other trainer – but because it’s coming from you, it feels so much more incredible, triggering his instinctive irrational idolisation of you just for a moment before he collects himself and puts his mask back up.

Then he insists that he’ll still win anyway, even if “the type matchups work out for you”. Which… isn’t how type matchups in battles work? Sure, you landed one super-effective hit, either because one of your Pokémon happened to have a good matchup, or you just had a good coverage move. That doesn’t mean that all of the type matchups in the battle are inherently in your favour. But Kieran apparently feels like they are – because, when it comes to him versus you, he always feels like everything in the world is on your side and he has to claw and grasp to regain the tiniest bit of ground against his inherent overwhelming disadvantage.

Speaking of everything being on your side, when you land your first critical hit on him (and I say “when” here because this battle is long enough that statistically you’re extremely unlikely not to at some point!), his response is delightful, raging that “even luck’s chosen you over me!” and that it’s “not fair!!!” All of his bitterness and jealousy about Ogerpon choosing you over him is still raw, evidently, so even something like you getting a statistically near-inevitable critical hit feels to him like luck itself taking your side against him, because everything always does. And on some level, he may have realised that you befriending Ogerpon was partly due to the sheer luck of you happening to meet her while he wasn’t around, so of course he’s bitter about luck because of that, too. It’s not fair, how you always get everything, so effortlessly, while he has nothing.

(He doesn’t comment at all if and when he lands a critical hit, because of course not. Confirmation bias is one hell of a drug.)

And of course, you bringing out Ogerpon herself gets an extremely strong reaction from Kieran. “You’ve got some nerve,” he snarls among broken mirthless laughter, to bring her out “NOW of all times?!” This, right here and now, was supposed to be his moment, his time to finally shine and show you how strong he is and take the victory. And yet you’re choosing this moment to parade Ogerpon in front of him, a reminder of the painful losses and inferiority he suffered back in Kitakami that he’s tried so hard to forget and overcome by making himself stronger, just rubbing it in his face that you got to have her because you’re so strong and lucky and perfect.

His expression during this line is one hell of a thing as well: shocked and wide-eyed and practically terrified, in stark contrast to all of his other expressions in this fight. He’s not only reeling from the pain of having his inferiority from back then shoved in his face, but also, he’s always believed that Ogerpon is so incredibly strong. If you’re using her against him in this battle, you and her working together… how is he ever going to be able to defeat that combination of impossible strength…?

(Apparently, Kieran’s trainer AI actually has a modification in this fight that makes him prioritise attacking Ogerpon more than an AI trainer otherwise would, which is delightful, I love that that’s a thing devs programmed in there. Of course he’d desperately want to get Ogerpon off the field as fast as he could before she utterly destroys him.)

As his back’s against the wall and he’s sending out his final Pokémon, Kieran’s still raging, with increasing desperation: “Just go down already! How are you still standing after I’ve thrown everything I have at you?!” This battle is not at all going how he’d insistently imagined it would in his head, in which he’d prove himself and win, not even though he’s giving it absolutely everything he has. (And the thought that you still won’t go down even then is terrifying to him. He really has given everything to this, he couldn’t possibly have done more – and yet, what if that still isn’t enough to beat you? That’d mean it’s just impossible for him, no matter what he does, and he’d have absolutely no idea how to cope with that.)

Just before he Terastallises his Hydrapple, he insists that he “doesn’t need the old me”, that he’s changed – here’s the way he felt he had no choice but to throw away everything about his former weaker self in order to get stronger, even the positive parts. But then he adds, “and I’ll show you I can change again!” He’s not just literally referring to the Terastallisation he’s about to do (although it’s thematically fitting that he brings up this topic as he’s doing this – and his Hydrapple’s Fighting Tera-type is a neat link to him having changed himself into being obsessed with strength) – rather, he’s referring to what he’s convinced himself will happen when (if) he wins this fight. That’ll change everything for him, right? That’ll make everything good, finally; he’s going to change for the better once he wins this, he has to…!

And then… Kieran’s animation while he’s Terastallising is an odd one. He’s remarkably expressionless about it, compared to the intensity of his expressions in the entire rest of the fight. But I think the reason for this must be: most trainers wince with the force of it as they begin charging their Tera Orb – and apparently, Kieran doesn’t want to be seen doing that, because that’d make him seem weak. So he’s trained himself to put on an expressionless mask, not even looking at the orb directly, to avoid that. (And one of the few trainers who doesn’t wince, who’s able to stare directly at the dazzling power coming from their Tera Orb without flinching, holding it up for all to see… it’s you, of course. Kieran almost certainly saw this from you a few times back in Kitakami.)

His last possible line in the fight, as he orders an attack from his Hydrapple, at which point he is guaranteed to have only one or two Pokémon left and be desperately fighting to hold on with his back against the wall, includes him saying, “I’m capable of winning too, you know!” Because that is definitely a very normal thing for a reigning Champion to need to say to their challenger. Even with all the victories he’s had on his way here, Kieran still has to fight to convince himself that he is capable of winning, because being up against you and teetering on the brink of defeat like this just reminds him of all his previous agonising losses at your hands, his inferiority complex rising up to overwhelm him with the feeling that he’ll never be able to be strong or win anything at all.

(And, hey… what if he had actually managed to win? Tragically, the game does not let you see any of his reaction if you do happen to lose to him; it just rewinds time like it never happened. But there’s no way that Kieran beating you here would truly have helped or fixed anything about that massive inferiority complex of his. He’d ride the high for a bit, but then he’d go back to the same condescending façade he’d had before and gradually realise that… he doesn’t actually feel any better about himself beneath it like he was supposed to once this happened. Funnily enough, beating you in a Pokémon battle would not have magically turned him into you.)

Everything falls apart

But, of course, because the game refuses to let you not be the Perfect Protagonist (or, perhaps, because the narrative needs to go this way in order for him to actually get better in the long run), Kieran loses. The last time he lost a pivotal battle against you that he’d told himself everything depended on, back in Kitakami, he crumpled immediately in defeat – but this time, his reaction’s a lot more drawn out. Back then, the conviction that he could never ever beat you was right there at the surface to the point that he was basically expecting to lose despite his determination. But here, he’s spent so long insisting to himself over and over that he will win this time, he will, convincing himself that things just have to go that way… that it takes him a moment to even process the fact that they haven’t. He’s just shocked, lost, dumbfounded, not knowing how to react, because this wasn’t supposed to happen…!

But then the spectators around him mutter and begin to leave, apparently because he lost, because he’s no good after all and so there’s no point staying to watch him, and this seems to be what agonisingly drives home the reality to Kieran. All the respect and esteem he’d managed to grasp for himself – in this one awful moment it feels like all of it is crumbling away before his eyes. All of his effort to get here (so much effort) was worthless, all because he couldn’t beat you. He’s gone right back down to being nothing. I adore the blurry effects in the cutscene as Kieran sways and staggers and collapses, giving a visceral sense that the shock of this is hitting him so deep that it's rendered him physically light-headed and dizzy. Guh, this poor kid.

And then Drayton has to come along and rub it in. Kieran winces in agony as he gets smugly called “ex-Champion” – though he was never doing any of this for the Champion title itself, having it meant something and made him matter, and now that’s gone like it was never there at all. It’s bound to sting especially hard coming from Drayton, whom Kieran believed was plotting with you to take him down, take away everything he had, and now that’s exactly what’s happened, because he wasn’t strong enough to stand up for himself after all.

…The fact that Drayton felt the need to be a smug bitch about this first and foremost does not remotely help Kieran actually listen to and internalise the genuinely good advice Drayton gives just a few moments later. He really was doing this because he cares, and because Kieran ought to go back to having fun with things! But of course Kieran isn’t in any state to listen to that, not after all his paranoia about Drayton manipulating him, and then Drayton rubbing his loss in on top of that; he still has no idea that the guy genuinely wants to help him. (Unfortunately, while Drayton cares about the person Kieran should be, he has been deeply frustrated by the person Kieran is being, and that comes out in sarcasm and smuggery first, hence why this completely bombs.)

So instead of taking on board Drayton’s advice, which he probably wasn’t even listening to, Kieran just starts desperately, incoherently mumbling about how he’ll win next time. It’s the only thing he can cling to – the same thing he always has, to escape the all-consuming, unbearable thought of just being achingly inferior forever and ever with no way out. He still can’t see any other way out that isn’t beating you. (But… how is he ever going to win next time, when he’s already given it absolutely everything he had and still couldn’t manage it…?)

Seeing him being so clearly Not Okay, you approach him and (probably) attempt to say something to him, but it seems like even if you try, you barely get any words out before Kieran just shuts down even more. He reacts with slumping, and with an “Aw, man…” – the same words and body language he’d often have back in Teal Mask whenever something (usually his sister) would push back at him and make him feel small. Now that he can no longer cling to his façade that he totally is stronger than you and just hasn’t proven it yet, he’s reverted right back to the state of mind he was always in back then. And it’s you in particular that triggers his inferiority complex harder than anything else right now, even if you just silently approach him, or say a few words that certainly wouldn’t have been anything cruel.

It's a bit of a shame that the game doesn’t actually let us see what you try to say to him, assuming you do. But it most certainly couldn’t have been anything along the lines of “You put up a really tough fight!”, because that kind of thing – acknowledging Kieran’s strength, even though he lost – is exactly what he’d need to hear right now, and he’s clearly not hearing it. Whatever it was you did say, he probably barely even heard it beneath his crushing sense of inferiority at being near you, and you probably trailed off pretty quickly upon seeing his reaction.

(In fact, it might say a lot that your dialogue options here are so non-specific that they’re literally just “Say something/nothing”. This suggests that the player character has no idea what to say to Kieran at seeing him in this absolute state, and they can only choose to either accept that and remain silent, or to fumble for something to try and say anyway. I believe it’s pretty important to “your” role in Kieran’s arc that the player character is extremely socially awkward and just finds themselves utterly lost as to how to deal with him breaking down like this because of them. Someone with better social intelligence would be able to say the right thing here to help him at least begin to feel better! But that someone is emphatically not you, it seems. This apparent social obliviousness also tracks with the fact that you – the player character – agreed with Carmine’s very short-sighted decision to lie to Kieran back in Kitakami, thus unwittingly setting off this whole domino effect of his issues in the first place.)

Sudden legendary hunt

If Kieran had had longer to process his defeat, maybe he’d have realised that there really is no way he can “win next time” when he already gave it his absolute all this time, and he might have begun to approach the fact that there’s nothing he can do but let things go. However, while he’s still reeling, he almost immediately gets dragged into the meeting with Briar about her expedition to Area Zero.

Kieran looks like he’s barely even listening to the conversation at first, just staring miserably into space in front of him, no doubt stuck endlessly thinking how can I ever be stronger than you when everything I had still wasn’t enough??? But then Briar mentions that they’ll get the opportunity to find a legendary Pokémon on this quest – and whoops, now Kieran’s paying attention. Because here’s the answer to his impossible conundrum of how he can beat you next time.

Make no mistake: this is nothing like Ogerpon was to him. He’d been fixated on her and cared about her ever since he was little for deeply personal reasons based on him relating to her situation and projecting onto her. Her strength was part of it, but it wasn’t that he wanted to obtain that strength by catching her; he just admired her strength and wanted to be like her, and if he could, then maybe one day she’d acknowledge that by being his friend (and therefore also incidentally his Pokémon partner). But Terapagos is nothing to Kieran here other than a source of potential strength for him to acquire for himself by capturing it, a tool that will finally let him beat you.

Nonetheless, because this is another legendary Pokémon, Kieran can’t help but draw the surface comparison to Ogerpon anyway and remember the way she chose you over him. He’s probably already imagining that Terapagos might just do the same thing, because you’re so strong and special while he’s nothing – so he tells himself, fervently, that no, he won’t let that happen again, he won’t let this chance go.

He doesn’t ever say as much, but he’s bound to be already having doubts as to if he really could ever capture such an amazing Pokémon. Legendary Pokémon – or really, any Pokémon in general – are supposed to join trainers once they acknowledge their strength; that’s what battles to weaken and capture a wild Pokémon are all about. How is Kieran ever going to get Terapagos to do that for him when he’s so weak? But even so, even if it seems too good to be true, he has to cling to this possibility. It’s the only chance he has left to still just maybe be able to beat you, to continue running away from that gaping pit of inferiority inside him that he doesn’t know how to face.

(A minor nitpick I have with the game’s writing: it’d have been fun here if things had been subtler and Kieran hadn’t outright said that he wants to catch Terapagos at all. His intent would have been very clear regardless for anyone who could read between the lines – I realised what was up the moment he reacted to hearing about a legendary, because Oh No. But nonetheless, it seems like you the player character and also Carmine are both socially oblivious enough to fail to follow Kieran’s stated intent to catch Terapagos through to its obvious conclusion of “he’s still fixated on beating you”. I guess the two of you just assume, oh, hey, he’s found another legendary Pokémon to get excited about, that’s good, that means he must be getting over Ogerpon, right…? Ha. Ha ha ha. If only.)

Journey through Area Zero

As you make your way into and through the depths of Area Zero, Kieran seems to have largely lost hold of the condescendingly superior façade he’d been putting up all this time (after all, he doesn’t have the right to act that way towards you when he’s still weaker than you). This allows a few little hints of his true self to begin to rise to the surface and shine through again, at least a little bit.

He lets slip a “wowzers” on seeing the sheer alien beauty of the place for the first time, and later at the lab he’s so excited at the technology reminding him of a spy movie that he even forgets to mask his accent for a whole sentence. But both times, he’s quick to catch himself and brush it off and act aloof. That excitableness was part of who he used to be, that kid who was weak, and he's still convinced that he can’t afford to be that person any more. But, hey, getting these little reminders that he actually enjoys being his true self and has missed it, at least certain parts of it, has to help! Plus, Carmine seems happy at these moments of him being the little brother she knows and loves again; they have a bit of regular healthy sibling banter; she notices him being considerate about Briar reading someone’s private diary…

These are all good signs that Kieran’s starting to get back to normal, maybe just a little… but, not completely. The spark still isn’t there in his eyes, even when he’s smiling about the cool spy vibe of the lab. Despite the distractions, he’s largely very intent on just getting to the legendary Pokémon and nothing else. And perhaps most relevant of all, he barely says anything of substance to you, even if you try and talk to him.

He does have a notable reaction near the beginning when you mention that you came here last time with some friends of yours. Kieran had probably never quite considered the idea of you having other friends before – Ogerpon did not exactly prime him to imagine that about his idols, after all – but, now that he’s hearing it… of course you’ve got friends. Why wouldn’t you? You have everything, everything he’s always wanted so badly for himself but could never, ever have.

Then, of course, you’re the one who does all the hard work in the Underdepths to deal with the sparkling Pokémon that are blocking the way forwards. For the first one, Carmine almost asks Kieran to take care of it before changing her mind and asking you, which, ouch, that’s got to have stung. (I don’t think she did that to deliberately be unkind, though; it’s probably that she still feels a little weird and uncomfortable about her brother battling, because of the way he’s been, so she’d rather just watch you battle it instead.)

Because of all this, later on Kieran bitterly comments that he feels like everyone’s relying on you too much. Really, the only reason this is the case is because you just happen to be the one who has the lizardbike buddy that can navigate you to the Pokémon you need to defeat… but then, that in itself is another sign of how special and favoured by legendaries you are, isn’t it.

And actually, you’re not necessarily the only one who can reach the sparkling Pokémon! Kieran has a Dragonite, which must have been what he rode on for the flying Elite Four trial, so, in theory, he could go and deal with those sparkling Pokémon himself. But he doesn’t, because you’re already doing it anyway, and he doesn’t feel worthy of taking the spotlight from you. (Or, he could ask to join you on your lizard buddy as you head over there, but ha, even less chance he’s about to do that.)

One bit of optional dialogue Kieran has during this part is insisting that he could totally make quick work of those sparkling Pokémon if only they weren’t so far away. This is very true… but the fact that he never tries to do so despite actually having the ability to reach them himself tells us that his words are just desperate posturing that he doesn’t truly believe. He can’t even register the part where he genuinely has a really strong team of Pokémon that he worked hard to train, because he did all of that for the sole purpose of beating you, and since he couldn’t manage that, that means that none of it matters and he’s just useless.

Then there’s the moment near the end where Carmine tells Kieran it’s his turn to call out to you to let you know the path opened up, but Kieran miserably assumes you’d prefer to hear it from her instead. (As if who tells you that even makes any difference!) Carmine did this to try and begin bridging the gap between you, and she forces him to do it anyway despite his protest, but then when she asks if he’s got anything more to say to you, he just says no. He still doesn’t feel like he’s worthy of even interacting with you in any way at all, still convinced he must be nothing to you.

There’s a heartbreaking hypocrisy to this, too, since he knows you’re perfectly okay interacting with Carmine, and it’s not like she’s ever been able to beat you in battle either. But… but that’s different, right, because she’s already someone who’s strong and cool and worthy of your friendship. In Kieran’s head, he is the single person in the world who is so automatically, inherently worthless that he needs to prove his strength before he is allowed to Matter to you or to anybody.

Outburst at the crystal

As the group reaches the final chamber, Kieran rushes ahead into it and begins pulling at the crystal the moment he figures it even might be Terapagos, because he is so desperate not to lose this chance to anybody else (meaning you). In his urgency, completely oblivious to how messed-up this sentiment is, he blurts out that this’ll mean he can finally beat you, at which Carmine, who failed to realise this was still the reason he was doing all this until now, tries to call him out on it—

—And Kieran can’t stand that; he can’t let her try and take this away from him too on top of everything else, because this feels like the one remaining chance he’ll ever get to still have something and matter next to you. So in a kneejerk attempt to defend why he needs this, everything comes tumbling out. All of those feelings about how you have everything he’s ever wanted, and he has nothing, how he trained so so hard but even that ended up worthless because he still lost to you in the end, so this is all he has left.

(Well, it’s not quite everything that comes spilling out of Kieran here. He doesn’t say anything about why he feels he needs to beat you, and how that’ll totally magically solve everything for him – because there is no actual logic behind that part. There’s nothing he can say to make that make sense, and on some level he must be aware of that, must know it doesn’t, really. But if he admits that, admits that there really isn’t any way at all to escape from his crushing inferiority, then he’ll have nothing left whatsoever, which he cannot bear.)

Hearing Kieran’s outburst about how worthless he feels, Carmine tries to put in a good word for him about how he’s tried his best too – which is good! That’s exactly the kind of thing he needs to hear; she’s finally getting it! But unfortunately, because she herself is one of Kieran’s sore points, in regards to how you magically went and befriended her, he doesn’t properly register what she’s saying. Hearing her speak at all just triggers that thought and spurs him into venting about that, too.

His hang-ups with you befriending Carmine are interestingly reversed from how they appeared to be in Teal Mask. Back then, he seemed more low-key jealous that she might have been trying to take you, his first ever friend, away from him. But now (now that he’s convinced that you were never really his friend in the first place), it’s all twisted around into yet another sign of how perfect you are, because you managed to win over even someone as prickly and abrasive as his sister so remarkably fast. (Which, of course, has less to do with you than it has to do with the fact that Carmine’s actually a lot softer at heart than Kieran realises.)

He’s also maybe thinking about Drayton here, about the one time Drayton claimed in the cafeteria that you and he were “already tight”. That was a massive exaggeration, but no doubt Kieran filed that away as another person – someone else he finds infuriating and impossible to get along with – that you instantly won over with your magical friendship powers because of course you did. And on top of that, he’s bound to be thinking about his recent realisation that you came to Area Zero last time with your friends, plural, because of course you’d already got a bunch of friends, you’re perfect, you can do anything you want, you can be friends with anyone!

And yet – even as Kieran says this, it is objectively not true. Because you’re not friends with him right now! No amount of your amazing protagonist powers has been able to cut through his pile of issues and properly befriend him, even though you want to, because you are in fact not perfect in the slightest and have no idea what to say to get through to him and help him! But of course Kieran doesn’t realise this contradiction in what he’s saying – he's worthless, so the fact that you’re not friends with him is obviously just because you never wanted to be.

Speaking of you not being perfect, this moment here in which Kieran outright voices his jealousy and sense of inferiority compared to you is bound to be the first moment in which you, the player character, actually begin to realise that this has been his problem this whole time. (And, to be fair to your poor socially-oblivious avatar, it really wasn’t very apparent from their perspective until now! The only time Kieran ever gave any real explicit indication of his issues around you before was in Teal Mask, after the third battle when he lamented that “it’s because I’m weak” – but at the time, the player character wasn’t aware (like we the players were) that he knew they’d lied to him, so they couldn’t have known he was thinking about that. They probably just chalked his reaction down to him taking the lost battle particularly hard. The lie reveal was messy but seemed to work itself out; he was obviously upset when you caught Ogerpon but appeared to accept it well enough in the moment – then all of a sudden he showed up later being really determined to beat you for some reason??? Why.)

Another thing I love about this moment is the animation of Kieran desperately pulling at Terapagos’s crystal, the way he has to pause to catch his breath in between each huge tug, which really gets across that he is giving this every ounce of his strength. And that still isn’t enough, because it never is – he’s always too weak to be able to grasp even one thing for himself, but he is never ever going to stop trying no matter how impossible it seems.

(And I wonder if it’s going through his mind as he does this that surely this wouldn’t be nearly so hard for you. Like this is a sword-in-the-stone kind of thing, in which Terapagos would slide out smoothly like butter for someone who’s truly worthy of it, while a weakling like him is stuck hopelessly yanking on it with everything he has and just making himself look pathetic, because of course he doesn’t deserve this.)

Catching Terapagos

Except it turns out Kieran can manage to pull out the crystal after all, doing so with such force that he accidentally flings it halfway across the cavern to land between you and him. He rushes to pick it up before anyone else can, because this is his and he can’t let anyone take it from him, he can’t—

But then Terapagos wakes up, pops out of the crystal that serves as its shell… and it’s facing you. It doesn’t even see or acknowledge Kieran at all. It looks up at you adorably, like a baby imprinting on the first thing it sees, taking a few steps towards its new friend…?

(this has to be such an aching reminder of the way Ogerpon so quickly came to adore you and didn’t care about him, all compressed into one single agonising moment, ouch)

…This was not Terapagos choosing you over Kieran in any meaningful way. Kieran was behind it, such that it literally couldn’t see him and didn’t even know he existed. All it was doing was latching onto the first person it saw, which was you, because – completely by chance – it happened to wake up facing you and not him. If it’d woken up facing Kieran, it’d have seen and approached him in exactly the same way. Terapagos’s dormant crystal form is symmetrical; Kieran had no way to know which end was the head and which was the tail until it popped out.

This was, almost literally, a fucking coin flip. Only the coin was a magical crystal turtle and the winner was whoever “heads” landed facing towards.

(But then, luck has always chosen you over Kieran, too, hasn’t it?)

And so, seeing this happen to him yet again, seeing his one last chance of maybe finally having something and mattering about to be casually snatched away by you, like always, because the universe always gives you everything he wants… Kieran makes an awful, desperate split-second decision and throws the Master Ball. Because of course he does. It’s not right; it’s not fair on Terapagos – but it is so achingly understandable why Kieran would be driven to do this in this moment. The whole thing was so cruelly, rudely unfortunate. This poor kid just wants so badly to have something, to have anything at all where he’s not immediately overshadowed and upstaged by you.

(Also, shout-outs to the narrative cleverness of quietly establishing that BB Champions get given Master Balls, by the game giving you one when you beat Kieran, such that you think nothing of it at the time but can realise right away in this moment where Kieran got his from.)

Still, it’s notable how quickly Kieran was able to pull out the Master Ball, which suggests he’d had it ready near the top of his bag. It must have crossed his mind on the way here that surely, you’re going to somehow magically sway Terapagos to join you – or that it’ll just shun him, because earning a legendary’s respect involves proving one’s strength, and he’s still so weak – such that he felt he might need a way to guarantee it would become his, no matter what.

But even then, I do want to believe that Kieran wouldn’t necessarily have used the Master Ball if he hadn’t felt like he had no other option, and that he wanted to at least try to get Terapagos to join him willingly, like trainers are supposed to do. If he’d won the turtle-coin flip and it had woken up facing him, maybe he’d have been able to do so! But of course he didn’t get to have that.

(It’s kind of a shame that the characters never discuss the dodginess of catching a Pokémon from behind in a Master Ball, how that gave poor Terapagos no choice in the matter like Pokémon are supposed to have when they join a trainer. But then, pointing out that Master Balls are inherently ethically dubious gets awkward considering that the player can freely use them on anything they like, so the game was probably never going to go there. You are too silent-protagonist and Briar is too irresponsible-adult to comment on it, but maybe Carmine could at least have had a brief line questioning this? But, well, at least she does express apprehension about going in to battle with a legendary Pokémon they know almost nothing about, which is also a very valid concern, considering what ends up happening.)

Trying to beat you with Terapagos

So of course, the very next thing Kieran does is challenge you to battle him with Terapagos, so that he can finally beat you. Only… he doesn’t show anywhere near as much of that furious, fervent determination that he had for the Champion match. All that fire of his got snuffed out the moment he lost back then, and it never really came back. This isn’t the battle he’s been psyching himself up for and dedicating everything towards for months; it’s nothing but a desperate grasp at not falling apart completely. He’s kind of just… going through the motions, trying to beat you simply because it’s what he’s been clinging to all this time, and he still doesn’t know what else to do with himself if not this.

And more than anything, Kieran has to know deep down that he doesn’t truly deserve this, not after the way in which he caught Terapagos. After all, trainers are supposed to earn having strong Pokémon in their team, either by training them up from a low level themselves, or by proving their strength to a high-level Pokémon by weakening and catching it in battle. (This is why high-levelled traded Pokémon will disobey you if you don’t have enough badges – you haven’t given them a reason to respect you!) Catching a legendary from behind with a Master Ball is none of those things. Kieran has to be perfectly aware that he has not earned Terapagos’s strength in any way (just like he knew all along he’d never really be able to).

A very revealing line on this matter is that if you say you’re not ready to battle him yet, Kieran tells you, “You’d better not run away from this”. He never once implied you might run away from the Champion battle – that’d be like admitting you couldn’t win, and you’d never do that. But here, it's different, because Terapagos isn’t his strength, so even if he could beat you with it, it wouldn’t really prove anything about him. You’d be well within your rights to just refuse to indulge Kieran in this at all, and on some level, he knows that.

(…With all that said, Terapagos does obey his commands in the battle anyway. It’s sadly difficult to attribute any definitive emotions to it because it’s pretty unexpressive, but perhaps we can imagine that Terapagos is kind of just lost and confused, going along with the orders of the one who threw its ball because it’s not really sure what’s happening and battling is kind of instinctual for all Pokémon. Maybe it’s even more instinctual for Terapagos, thanks to its ability that automatically shifts it into a battle form when there’s an opponent in front of it. It doesn’t really help matters that you just sent something out to battle it without questioning things, either.)

If you manage to hit Terapagos super-effectively during the battle, Kieran scoffs that “it has a weakness? I thought this was the hidden treasure of Area Zero?!” What do you mean his super-special legendary that would let him finally definitely win this time isn’t invincible, that it’s still functionally just a regular Pokémon and it’s still possible – and not even that hard, really – for you to beat him even now.

And if you land a critical hit, oh boy: “How can you get critical hits, even at a time like this… What are you, the hero of this story?” Kieran is clearly raw with bitterness about the turtle-coin flip, about luck choosing you because you’re just so heroic, even when this was finally supposed to be his moment really seriously for real this time. It’s reminiscent of another time he compared you to a hero when you critted him, in his fourth Teal Mask battle – but back then, he said you were like the hero in “a story”, whereas here, you’re the hero of “this story”. Kieran’s realising on some level that if this were a story, you would be the hero of it, you’d deserve to win, and… wouldn’t he be the villain? Because heroes certainly do not go around throwing Master Balls at legendaries from behind.

(For the record, though? Kieran is not a villain. Stop calling him a villain, people. Not a single thing he does is outright villainous; catching Terapagos in this way is wrong, yes, but it’s an act of desperation for which his entire end goal is literally just to win a dang Pokémon battle against you. He’s barely even that much of an antagonist, if we get into that – this isn’t really a you-versus-him conflict so much as a him-versus-himself conflict that you happen to be inextricably wrapped up in.)

Kieran isn’t even that crushed when he loses this battle, just… lost and confused. He insists that “I thought if I had Terapagos, it would make me stronger,” as if catching it in a Master Ball would change anything about his strength – but really, he has to have known that wouldn’t truly be the case. And when Briar remarks that Terapagos isn’t as strong as it should be, Kieran just miserably assumes, “so it isn’t the hidden treasure?” Like, of course this was too good to be true, of course whatever Pokémon he actually managed to get his hands on was just some dud and not the real deal, because he’s never deserved to have anything worthwhile. His expression’s upset, and pleading, as he says this was meant to let him beat you, still like that’d somehow fix everything, but his desperation’s become something pitiful compared to how furious it was before. He just doesn’t know what else to do, doesn’t know how else to cope with his crushing sense of inferiority if he can’t hold onto this.

Terapagos goes berserk

The only reason Kieran even Terastallises Terapagos is pretty much because Briar tells him to, and he’s at a loss for what else to do. It’s very possible that if an actual responsible adult had been here to talk him down – or, heck, even just let Carmine talk to him, since she was trying to do so again – then he’d have finally been in a state to listen and none of the ensuing disaster would have needed to happen. But Briar’s gotta see her giant sparkle turtle, because it turns out that basically her entire character exists to facilitate Kieran’s character arc having the most dramatic climax possible, and I for one am 1000% okay with that.

Kieran looks apprehensive and afraid even as he’s just beginning to Terastallise it (no emotionless mask to cover the wince this time), perhaps because he can feel that the power from his Tera Orb is way more than it usually is and isn’t sure this is a good idea. But what else can he do? He has nothing else left – so he throws the orb anyway.

Again, Terapagos is frustratingly unexpressive, such that it’s difficult to get a sense of whether it attacking Kieran once it Terastallises is an instinctive, unconscious defence mechanism, or something more deliberate. But it’s certainly more fun to imagine it’s deliberate – that this is Terapagos lashing out from anger and fear now that it’s been given a terrifying amount of power it can’t fully handle and begins to realise, wait, no, it didn’t want this. That makes this problem distinctly more Kieran’s fault, which is a good thing for his arc. (If Terapagos’s rampage wasn’t based in its emotions in any way, then this kind of wouldn’t be Kieran’s fault at all, not really! It was significantly more on Briar that he Terastallised it, after all. Kieran’s real mistake was catching it without its consent – so it’s more narratively satisfying for this to be, in part, him facing the consequences for that.)

Either way, the important part is that Kieran is bound to feel like this is Terapagos lashing out at him because he shouldn’t have caught it. He always knew deep down that that was wrong, and now here’s the proof, because of course a strong and special legendary like that would never truly acknowledge him. And now it’s so mad at him for trying to act otherwise that it tries to kill him. (This poor kid is already clearly very sensitive to rejection in general, but, ouch, that has to have been like a stab in the gut.) This is all his fault for daring to think he deserved to have any kind of strength at all.

But then you save his life, by sending out your lizardbike friend to shield him! Which on the one hand just makes you even more of a perfect hero – but this time, your heroism is a good thing for Kieran. And, more than that… you wanted to save him. You saw him as someone worth protecting? You, actually, care about him??? (Kieran has been convinced that he’s nothing to you pretty much ever since you lied to him back in Teal Mask, but, oh, hey, maybe not…?)

Not that he has much time to process that in the heat of the moment; he’s too busy freaking out over everything such that Carmine has to be the one to tell him he should recall Terapagos. Maybe on some level he just feels like Terapagos would never listen to him if he tried, because it literally just attempted to kill him – and indeed, it fights back and breaks the Master Ball rather than go back to being his Pokémon (there’s another painful sting of rejection). Of course Kieran should never have caught it or called himself its trainer. He reflexively asks “why?” it wouldn’t come back, but he knows why. It’s because he’s worthless and deserves nothing, and he should never have tried to pretend otherwise.

Facing the gaping pit

At the start of the final battle, Kieran’s just frozen in terror at what he’s accidentally unleashed, not to mention the recent shock of nearly being killed and the knowledge that this is all his fault. (Even though, it isn’t all his fault! Briar deserves at least half the blame for this! But that doesn’t remotely occur to Kieran in the moment, because he is intrinsically the most worthless person ever, so of course all the blame should be on him.) But after a little while, the immediate terror fades, and Kieran’s left with nothing but the overwhelming feeling that he’s useless, that he can’t help anyone. It’s that vast aching pit of inferiority that’s always been there inside him, finally right at the surface.

There’s nothing he can do to run away from it any more. Ogerpon didn’t want him and chose you instead. All of his efforts to make himself stronger meant nothing in the end because he still lost to you. He never should have tried to catch Terapagos, because it never wanted him either and all he’s done is put himself and everyone else in danger. There’s just no way out.

Which means that, for the first time ever, Kieran has no choice but to finally, actually face up to and confront his terrifyingly huge inferiority complex, and begin to fight against it in a genuinely healthy way.

Maybe he wouldn’t have even tried at all if it hadn’t been for the fact that he needed to help with this battle! Shout-outs to the narrative for creating a situation in which Kieran has to help after Carmine’s one remaining Pokémon goes down, because he might otherwise never have done so.

(I love that one of the things the battle camera can do while you’re idling here is cut to Kieran and linger a moment with him, with the look of either frozen terror or miserable inferiority on his face. Even though he’s technically just a background character right now for the mechanical purposes of the battle, this moment is about him, and the devs knew it.)

And of course it takes Kieran a really long time, most of the battle, to actually find the courage to fight back! His inferiority complex is so massive, so all-encompassing, the root cause of all of the desperate, self-destructive, obsessive things he’s done to try and escape it, that of course it’s so, so terrifyingly difficult for him to actually face up to it and find the strength to try and believe that… maybe it’s just wrong.

Crucially, the single thing that does the most to trigger Kieran’s shift into courage is you – you, calling out to him, asking for his help. Hearing that you actually value his strength and need his help is exactly the kind of acknowledgement that Kieran has always desperately craved from you all along. It’s just what he needs to help him believe that, just maybe, he might actually be kinda strong and worth something after all.

But even then! Even with that, his inferiority complex does not magically vanish, because of course it doesn’t work that way! All your words do is give Kieran the courage to fight it, by holding onto the fact that you believe in him and he’s not alone. His animations here are so good; there’s tears in his eyes even as he manages to snap himself into determination, because he is still so scared and just finally being really, really brave about it!

One really lovely subtlety is that the highlight in his eyes, that little visual detail that makes a character really look alive, which was completely not there in Kieran for the entirety of Indigo Disk up until now, finally comes back in the exact moment when he finds the courage to fight. And it's neat how the game manages to re-use the same screaming animation Kieran had for the beginning of the Champion fight, with the only minor differences being the tears and that highlight in his eyes, but in this new context it communicates an entirely different kind of emotion. It’s like he’s fervently psyching himself up into believing that he is capable of doing this.

And hey, Kieran’s contribution to the battle really is pretty helpful! It’s a genuinely tough fight to the point that, no matter your level, there’s a good chance you were struggling on your own for a while, so you’re probably glad he’s here to help even just in a mechanical sense. His Hydrapple’s Supersweet Syrup ability can be useful to you as well as him, and then if it goes down, he switches to Dragonite and – because of the evasiveness drop – begins spamming near-accurate Thunders on a Terapagos who is Water-type for this final phase. Look at him go! (And another thing Hydrapple can do to support you is use Dragon Cheer, which delights me, because it’s Kieran deciding that actually he’s okay with you getting all the critical hits after all. Aww.)

Once Terapagos is defeated, if you try to not catch it, Kieran will tell you that you need to do it, that “it has to be you, not me!” It’s so lovely that there’s not a hint of bitterness to him here as he says this, just perfectly comfortably accepting it, because he never really wanted Terapagos anyway and he knows it’ll be happier with you, and that’s all that matters. Even if you don’t get that line, his encouragement of you as you go for a Pokéball is more than enough to communicate the fact that he’s okay with you doing this. And Kieran’s smiling again, cheering you on with that same animation of his from back in Teal Mask when he was super excited to watch you battle his sister! This is the excitable, battle-loving kid he always was and finally is once more! His smile is even more adorable now without his hair obscuring half of it, too.

Letting it go

In the end, Kieran’s finally able to let things go thanks to multiple factors brought about by what happened in Area Zero. There’s the part where he spent the adventure being just a little bit closer to his normal self, letting him realise that he misses being like that and that maybe there was nothing inherently bad or weak about those parts of him at all. There’s the way that Terapagos going berserk served as a very stark representation of how his obsession with strength only ends up hurting himself and everyone around him, which must have helped him see that his behaviour leading up to this was doing the same kind of thing and he can’t go back to that.

And, perhaps most importantly, you acknowledged his strength by calling out for him to help you against Terapagos, which is what Kieran really needed the most all along. By joining you in the battle, he’s finally begun to face his inferiority complex, to shoot down the conviction in his mind that he’s useless and weak and can’t do anything, and prove to himself that he’s capable of confronting scary things after all, even including his own mistakes.

I do have another small writing nitpick about his dialogue in the post-battle scene, in that I don’t quite agree with his progression from “I just don’t have it in me to be like you” straight to “finally I can let it go”. Kieran was always aware of the former, deep down, but knowing that never did anything but make him latch desperately onto trying to prove that wrong no matter how impossible it felt. Meanwhile, the latter implies that he’s always consciously wanted to let it go and just somehow couldn’t despite that, which isn’t quite it either.

Instead, I think it’d work if he first went from how he can’t ever be like you into “I guess I have to just let it go”, and then from there into “Yeah… finally I can let it go”. Feeling like he simply has no choice but to let go at first, and only from there would he reflect and realise that actually, he can now, and maybe a part of him had always kind of wanted to after all.

Delightfully, as Kieran begrudgingly accepts that he can’t ever be like you, you finally get a dialogue option that lets you tell him that he’s strong and cool and worth something as he is!!! It seems like it really did take you hearing his inferiority complex directly from him in order for you to realise that this was something he needed to hear. He reflexively tries to downplay your compliment, like he didn’t really do anything impressive at all just now, because he still instinctively feels that way about himself – again, his inferiority complex has not just magically vanished, because it doesn’t work like that! – but hearing otherwise from you of all people has to be an immense help for him in fighting against it.

And it’s this that sets Kieran off crying, from that overwhelmingly positive emotion that you think he’s really cool, aww. This seems to break something of an emotional dam for him, letting him just have a good long cry about all of it, which, yes, he has so many emotions he’s needed to let out for so long now and it is good and healthy that he’s finally able to do so! (I wish this part was better animated, alas – but believe me, I am imagining him having such a big long cathartic cry even if the game isn’t managing to adequately show it.)

Then there’s the final scene! It’s so brave of Kieran to have resolved to apologise and make amends for everything he did wrong. That is scary as hell and comes with a huge risk of massive painful criticism and rejection, but he’s doing it anyway because he wants to do the right thing. He is such a good kid at heart despite his massive issues having driven him into several big mistakes.

Now that Kieran’s returned to something resembling his old self, his anxious body language from before is back – he’s barely making eye contact with you as he speaks, his head low, instinctively trying to hide his face behind the one bit of hair he still has hanging down. But nonetheless, you can tell that he’s making an effort to fight that and push himself to be just a little bit more assertive than he was able to be before all this. As he asks if you two can be friends again, he’s grimacing, already braced for rejection, hesitating then blurting out all of it in one big go before he changes his mind – there’s still a very significant part of him convinced that you’d just never want that and he doesn’t even have the right to ask. But at least he’s now able to realise that said part is probably wrong and find the courage to ask anyway! Because he wants this, and he deserves to at least try and grasp good things for himself!

And of course you still want to be his friend, because you basically always were anyway from your perspective, and Kieran is so adorably happy to have this second chance, and I am so delighted that the two of you are able to be friends again like you always should have been all along, aaaa. I could not be more proud of my boy.

(Well, I could go into a lot more detail about just how proud of and happy I am for Kieran thanks to all of his scenes in the epilogue and postgame. But that’s enough of its own separate Thing that it ought to get its own post! So hold on for that; I’m not quite done having So Many Feelings about this boy just yet. Aaand here it is!)

[katsutora]

— HOMESICK

ft. isagi yoichi ; itoshi rin ; nagi seishiro ; bachira meguru ; chigiri hyōma ; itoshi sae

summary: them picking you up after a trip

note: i’d like to be everyone’s weekly teeth rotting fluff provider but then i remembered i dont have it in me to serve content every week LMFAO i lack prompts besties

⚘ ISAGI YOICHI

ㅤㅤhas a relatively normal reaction as he sees you approaching him, but is actually trying his best not to freak out. he smiles at you softly as if he didn’t almost explode from all the excitement. once you’re in the car, he doesn’t let go of your hand the entire trip home. can’t stop staring at you too (a huge simp, good for you) because it’s been a while since he last saw you in person and it’s still kind of surreal to him. hmm, what was that? hands on the wheels, eyes on the road? yoichi, seriously, pay attention oh my god. you better promise you’ve tried everything and that this really is the last resort. “kaiser is in the middle of the street.” oh? oh. oh shit. “i'll run him over.” i mean... you gotta do what you gotta do to snap him out of it, right? (no)

⚘ ITOSHI RIN

ㅤㅤhe’s definitely in a sour mood. seething. most likely scared every single person who passed by him. the fact that he’s rapidly gaining fame doesn’t help at all (prayer circle for that one poor kid who only wanted to ask him for his autograph). he’s leaning against the wall, looking super annoyed. the root of the problem? not the fact that he has to be there of course, more like why the hell haven't you arrived at the gate yet (calm down rin it’s only been like ten minutes lmao). misses you as hell but won’t tell? that rhymes. immediately wraps you in his coat as an excuse to hug you tightly. “t’s not that cold, rin.” refuses to let you go. he’s clinging onto you for dear life as if he’s finally found you after a lifetime. “i know. just a little longer.” his grip only tightens when he notices people looking at you two. gee, they’re just trying to get to the exit gate, stop blocking it smh.

⚘ NAGI SEISHIRO

ㅤㅤit’s almost comical how he suddenly turned into a lighthouse as soon as he spotted you. people are putting on their sunglasses indoors, someone help. mandatory bear hug (but there’s a 50% chance that you’ll both fall to the ground because he can be clumsy like that). “that was so cringe.” “you love it, though.” “i love you.” ugh sappy. if somehow you survived that acrobatic act, he’ll bend his 190cm ass after putting you down so you can kiss the top of his head! if you don’t, well, he's not gonna stand up any time soon because it’s “comfy” and definitely not because getting up is a hassle. gets super chatty all the way home. “did you know shidou decked rin again today?” “barou planted his face on the ground yesterday, king who?” “i told choki to watch the food in the oven btw.” says it in the most casual manner; you can’t tell if he’s joking or not. “mhm. wait WHAT?”

⚘ BACHIRA MEGURU

ㅤㅤa pinball. will not hesitate to break through a crowd, bumping into everyone and everything. should be classified as a hazard to society. no jk. but he did almost tackle a kid when he was running towards you. has his arms wide open and ready to tackle you too embrace you. “you’re back! welcome home!” “i’m home!” “welcome home!” “i’m home!” don’t you have anything else to say besides that lmfao (it really went on for a solid five minutes). falls asleep on your lap in the car since he already spent all his energy on that whole “embodying a golden retriever” thing back there. looks so peaceful and angelic like that. also sleep-talks. “y’re hmm”. you didn’t expect him to remain this quiet but it’s the best nap he’s had in a while so uhh “karaoke night?” karaoke night he said. good luck to your poor neighbors tonight.

⚘ CHIGIRI HYŌMA

ㅤㅤladies and gentlemen, him. a runway model. is he picking someone up or is he going somewhere? with looks like that, no one will ever know. forget the elegant saunter; the moment he saw you, he full on sprinted. the type that brings you flowers and your favorite snacks. seems like someone who knows what he’s doing right? but when you pat his head in response to his warm welcome, he short-circuited because you just stole his line. “i’ve missed you.” immediately softens and melts in your embrace. you think it’s all calm and that until his sister arrives out of nowhere, calling out both of your names and the next thing you know, she’s taking pictures of you as if this is your graduation day. “lookie over here, you two!” you’ve never seen someone speedrunning five stages of grief in record time.

⚘ ITOSHI SAE

ㅤㅤmans turning the airport into a red carpet premiere smh; cameras flashing everywhere, people eager to ask him questions, etc. he’s learning that looking down on his phone isn’t a good enough disguise, and that his bored face isn’t scary enough to fend off his fans. oh finally, he thought as he spotted you amidst the crowd. “over here, sae!” “oh my, it’s itoshi sae!” but he has his gaze fixated on you and only you. don’t worry, of course he’ll notice if you grow uncomfortable with all the attention and will immediately wrap his arm around your figure. !! breaking news: itoshi sae quits the world of football and is now becoming a personal bodyguard. navigates through the crowd while mumbling “fall under my spell.” boy what they’re not shidou (narrator: they did, in fact, fell under his spell). “give me your number!” uhh? “move in with me!” wow it’s not your sae, huh? it’s everyone’s sae.

© 2022 katsutora ; do not repost and/or translate and/or claim my works

[mioumiau]

vodnik!Emil Kladivo x male!ghost!reader

Sub!Emil, Dom!Male!Reader, mirror sex, ghost sex, dirty talk (?) —//— English is not my first language and this is my first time writing, I may have used some words wrong 😭

Reader is a ghost who recently lost his life, now you are in front of the vodnik's toy shop admiring his handmade dolls meant to serve as a new body for the restless spirits who wander the world.

Emil looks up from his current work, noticing the ghostly figure standing by his shop, he sets his tools aside and approaches the ethereal being. As he's getting closer, you can't help but admire his exquisite green eyes, green hair, and… Nevermind, everything is green about him.

"Ah, a lost soul seeking refuge in a physical form… Come, let me prepare a suitable body for you." His voice is as soothing as a lullaby, matching the calm and composed man he is.

You walk into the shop, determined to get what you've been longing for.

"I am looking for one with the most stunning dark hair you got, something similar to the one I owned before death got the best of me."

You were always fond of your own appearance, and even though you don't look as good as you did alive, you want to reclaim the beauty you lost to the worms that had nibbled on your cold body.

He carefully selects a doll, crafted with intricate details and delicate features. This one has long, dark locks cascading down its back, just like the ghost had described.

"Ah, here it is… Seems like I got just the right doll for you."

Your eyes scan through the doll, admiring every detail.

"Actually, this is better than I imagined… It must be expensive, am I right?"

He chuckles — "I trade the dolls for materials and some records, if you can bring me some."

"Don't you take money?"

"There is no use of money if I can't spend it, I cannot take the risk on being attacked by feral humans on my way to the city."

"I see…"  — You nod — "I suppose I should come back another time, I lack of the materials you need at the moment."

The vodnik's gaze meets yours, a kind smile flashes on his face.

"No, no, that won't be necessary." — He pauses — "I sense your sincerity and desperation. I'll delay the fee this time, dear spirit."

"It is not correct of me to leave without offering you something in return, Mr. Kladivo."

The older tilts his head as his eyes soften, and chuckles — "Oh, it's alright. And you don't owe me anything, but if you insist…"

Emil clings weakly to the mirror in front of him, your hands wander through his chest to his tighs. His moans are barely audible as you pepper kisses and ocasionally nibble around his neck.

His head feels light, only wondering how did you manage to get him in such a lewd position; Yet, the feeling of your fingers poking his entrance was enough to distract him from any thought forming on his mind.

"You're just so perfect, I couldn't resist…" — Emil whimpers at your comment — "Egocentric people are more likely to become ghosts in the end, surely you understand."

Emil turns his face away from the mirror, only for you to direct his face and make him look at his flustered reflection again. The spirit's cold touch against his bare skin only intensifies his arousal, as does the mirror reflecting every moment of his submission.

"N-no more… i-it's embarrassing…" — He whines —

"Is it really? Aw… Then I must be wrong about your erection down here…"

His reflection's whines turn into choked gasps as he feels the ghost's cold fingers wrap around its hard length. The mirror reflects Emil's face, his eyes squeezed shut as the ghost begins to stroke him.

"I- I can't… Ng-hhh~♡"

He arches his back, and lets out a muffled moan as cold, slick fingers begin to stretch his hole. Emil's face is buried in his arms, his body shaking, and completely helpless to the ghost's manipulations. His body convulses, and his legs try to close, only to be forcefully held open. The vodnik lets out a choked, desperate cry, his body feeling hot, in contrast with the cold touch on both his most private parts.

"N-no… it's too much… Feels too much~♡"

"Please, let me show my gratitute by making you feel good, Mr. Kladivo."

His body tenses, and lets out an embarrassed whine. He can feel the hard pressure against his thigh, and aknowledges that it's the ghost's private part, only serves to heighten his arousal.

"P-please…" — He pleads, then you lift him up by his tighs — "O-oh?!"

The vodnik is surprised by how easy you picked him up — How did you do that?

His legs touching his chest, body heavy and helpless as he's lifted up and penetrated from behind. Emil's reflection lets out a series of loud, desperate moans, his body jerking with each powerful thrust. "Ngghh… I-it's too dEep… (Y/N)~♡OH MY~"

Emil's face is a mask of pure pleasure, his mouth open in a soundless scream, tears streaming down its cheeks. Since your ghostly form doesn't reflect on mirrors, Emil can only see his own body convulsing with each thrust, being split open by apparently nothing.

His mouth is forced open, and a cold, invasive tongue slips inside, silencing his desperate cries. The older can do nothing but accept the kiss, his body convulsing with each pounding from behind. "Mmphhh…" He blushes at the wet sound you two make while kissing.

As the ghost continues to pound into him, Emil slowly relaxes, his eyes fluttering shut, mouth hanging open, panting with each breath.

His body grows heavier as he slowly gives in to the sensation and comes closer to his orgasm.

"Nhh… nhh… N-no… I'm gonna…! DON'T SToP~!! ♡"

"How could I stop? Hearing those sweet noises you make…" — You pause only to kiss him again — "I want to keep hearing your voice…"

Emil lets out a final cry as he finally reaches his climax, staining the mirror with his semen. His limbs go limp, and he hangs helplessly in the ghost's embrace, completely spent.

The ghost's hold tightens, and with a final, powerful thrust, buries himself inside Emil's warm walls. The room grows cold, and an icy chill runs down Emil's spine as he feels the ghost's release, he looks at his reflection to see his hole gaping wide open, dripping with fluid.

Emil blinks dazedly, looking at his reflection in the mirror, seeing the mess he's in. He slowly turns around, and you take the chance to shower him in kisses♡

—//—

For context: Misadventures Of Laura Silver is a game about two detectives (Laura and Orewell) who investigate paranormal cases, and a vodnik (Emil) happened to be on their list. I don't think the game is well known, but I wanted to write something for this man🥹 For more context, Emil is this silly guy right here:

⚠️ I really don't know if the creators have anything against using their characters to write this kind of stuff, I'll imediatly delete the post if there's anything wrong!😭🙏

[gretavanlace]

Sugar II (part 2)

18+ only! Minors do not interact!

Warnings: language, angst, Josh is perfect, angst, also maybe some angst

I’m so happy that you are all enjoying Sugar 2.0 as much as I am! I’ve missed this little world so much and it just makes me smile to know that you missed it too ❤️

Curled up into a tight ball under hotel room sheets, your mascara smudges across and stains the bleach-white pillowcases. And you might feel a little guilty about that if you could form a halfway coherent thought.

You’d expected a coworker, also dragged into town for this god forsaken conference, when you’d heard your name skittering across the marbled lobby floors. Turning to find Daniel, dripping in Greek God beauty and memories, had stolen the air from your lungs.

Quite literally, you had found it impossible to breathe for a few panicky moments as your eyes darted around in search of those that might be tagging along with him.

The warm, nostalgic feeling of stumbling across an old, dear friend had been overshadowed and twisted by fear…and a horrible, throbbing sadness; there was a time when this was your life…the last time anything had made any sense.

The overwhelming urge to sob in his arms had left you aching when he’d pulled you in for a bear hug. Somehow, his being so near had made home feel that much further away.

Take me to him. You’d wanted to beg Danny, clinging to his sturdy frame.

Now, you just want to run. To pack up your things in a hurry and flee the building as if it were engulfed in flames. You wish you were shoving your bag into an overhead compartment on a plane bound for anywhere that isn’t here.

This is too close. They are too close.

Three years it’s been, and he is still the first thing that weighs like sand on your mind when your eyes blink open in the morning…and your very last thought before they drift closed at night.

Has it really been three years? It doesn’t seem possible.

You think of Josh, too. Of course you do. But it is with a distant fondness for what you had. He is a pretty memory. A good memory. One you can recall easily, and with wistful affection. You can speak of him readily, with gentle sentiment. It was a great thing you had, and now it is no longer. Simple.

Jake.

You try so hard not to think of Jake, but he’s there all the time anyway. Cozied up inside your head like he owns the place, no matter how many times you’ve ordered him to vacate. He always was stubborn, and his memory has proven no different. There is a hole in your soul shaped exactly like him. Hardly a blip of light in your eyes; you left most of it there with him all those moons ago.

You could so easily satiate your searing need in some minuscule manner, via YouTube interviews, balcony seats at shows where you would stand no chance of being spotted. The wails of his guitar could pour from your speakers and right into your chest whenever it feels too hollow. You could fall asleep to samplings of his velveteen voice, rasping answers to questions floated from radio hosts and devour written pieces where he speaks so eloquently and with such reverence about his craft…

You could, but you don’t.

You do none of these things. It simply cuts too deeply.

Early on, you did. Tortured yourself as you sobbed and cried out in the night like a homesick child. Yes, in those early days, you’d punished your fractured heart and yearning mind with pain; sunk your teeth into and gnashed them together, fearful of letting go.

But you’ve found your way. Tripped clumsily along, patching together a new normal slowly. The diamond that rests upon your ring finger reminds you of that…and you feel sick with self loathing. Weeping in this strange bed over what used to be, while he waits at home for you, happily watering your plants and tending to the household chores. Loving you from a distance.

He sends you texts just to say he loves you, and so you’ll know you’re on his mind. To ask if you’d like him to pick up anything from the store so you won’t have to worry about it when you return home. To remind you that he adores you in a hundred little ways.

…and here you lie, in a bed that isn’t the one you share with him, chest caving in around your heart, squeezed up tight and longing for Jake.

Jake, Jake, Jake…always Jake. Why won’t he go away?

A knock, swift and sure, startles you out of your misery with a jolt.

You don’t plan to answer, that’s a given…you’re a mess, complete with a blotchy, tear streaked face, and swollen eyes…so you’re silent as you creep over to the door to have a peek through the peephole.

He looks angelic, waiting out there in the hall nervously fidgeting. His curls look like home and your fingers itch to touch them, innocently. Almost the same, and so different all at once, now closely clipped at the sides. He looks reminiscent of his younger self. A little like the Josh you’ve only ever known through pictures; the Josh before he swept into your life like a tornado of light and smiles. He always was so beautiful. So offbeat. So eclectically mishmashed together and esoteric.

It’s like spotting a twin flame that you never expected to see again. Like the dead has risen…

…and before you’re consciously aware of your actions, you’re sliding the lock and cracking open the door.

“Hello, sweet girl.” His voice is soothing, and weighed down heavy as it slams into your head and scrambles your brain.

“Josh,” is all you’re able to manage, stupidly.

“As beautiful as ever, mama.” He smiles, flashing that tiny gap in his teeth that used to make you weak.

“Now, listen,” he holds a hand up and then shoes away whatever notion he’s about to bring up, “Don’t you hold this against our dear Daniel…I know you didn’t want to see us,” he lowers his voice into a conspiring whisper, “but you should know, he’s become a terrible tattletale in your absence.”

Suddenly, you’re hyper aware of the fact that you’ve left him standing in the hall like an unwelcome stranger. Against your better judgment, you invite him in.

He’s careful not to touch you, mindful of overstepping in a way that’s so out of character for him it makes you feel unsteady.

“You really do look lovely, sweetheart.” He smiles, “A vision. I’ve missed you, my friend. I’ve missed you very much.”

‘My friend’ stings a little at first, but within a blink, it settles and feels right - you were always friends. Friends before it became love, friends while it was love…

The Josh you knew possessed a great many talents, and quick adaptability was listed among them. He allowed the fickle winds of life to toss him about like no one you’d ever known, and had an ever present and uncannily firm grasp on relationships, and an admiration for how they can shift and morph.

He also always was a cool liar when it was for the greater good. Some things clearly never change.

Nervously, you sweep a hand through your hair and blot your eyes with the backs of your hands, “Lovely my ass…c’mere.”

With little reservation, you tug him in close and fold your arms around him. An unexpected huff of a laugh escapes you when you feel his familiar warmth.

He hugs you back, long and hard, with a soft, “Hi, baby, hi.”

“How’d you find me, you stalker?” You joke tenderly as he sways your bodies back and forth. “I didn’t give Danny my room number.”

That chuckle of his that you’d buried in the past trots out to say hello, “A trip to the front desk was all it took. Have you forgotten the Kiszka charm so easily?”

“Uh-huh,” you roll your eyes, though you’re still wrapped up tightly together and he cannot see.

“Okay,” he concedes “the Kiszka charm and maybe a hundred tucked into a hand or two.”

How strange that you had begged Danny not to tell him; his embrace is blissful and you’ve missed him terribly.

Still, there is a phantom in the room with the two of you, and you know without a doubt that he feels it too.

When he pulls back, his hands slip down your arms to clasp around yours…and he sees it.

“Oh my, mama,” he tugs it up closer for inspection, “would you look at that. Going to the chapel, huh?”

“I—“ for some unknown reason, you pull your hand away and tuck it behind your back as though you’ve been caught in a shameful act.

He tilts his head, regarding you carefully “Can we sit?”

With a welcoming gesture, you usher him in further, and like the gentleman he’s always been, he opts for the chair and doesn’t mention the disheveled bed, or its wept upon pillows.

After you settle in respectively, there’s a long stretch of silence in which you both seem to just sort of sink into being in the same room together again. Finally, he breaks the ice.

“He can’t know you’re here. It won’t be like this,” he waves a finger back and forth between the two of you, indicating the ease in which you’ve reunited.

A choked sob threatens to breach your lips at the mere mention of him, and your hand darts up to press it back.

“And he certainly can’t know about that.” Josh points to your ring winking obnoxiously in the light.

“Of course,” you nod rapidly, blinking tears back. “Yes, of course not…but, is he…” falling silent, your gaze lands on your bare toes and stays there.

“Is he, what?” Josh’s voice is kind, and you are so grateful for it. “Okay? No, sweetheart. He’s very far from okay. I should lie for him, I know I should. He’s my brother…I should tell you he’s happy. Happier than he’s ever been.”

“Will you?” There is a desperate hope in your plea that makes you cringe inwardly. “Will you tell me he’s happy?”

His eyes, so like his twins, and so full of sorrow, watch you for such a long time you begin to squirm this way and that in your seat. “Sit still, mama…” he finally scolds with the tiniest wink to soothe your anxiety, “he’s happy. He’s fine. But best if you just steer clear, alright?”

“So he’s happy? Or you should lie, Josh? Which is it?” Why are you asking? You don’t want to know. It’s infinitely easier to swallow the lie. You can’t stand the thought of Jake broken still and riddled with the pain you know so well.

With a sigh, he avoids your gaze. “You know the answer to that already, it seems. Are you?” His eyes flick towards your engagement ring, “Happy, I mean? Are you?”

Now it’s your turn to lie, “Yes. Very.”

He nods, and then glances at the mascara glaring from your pillows like evidence at trial. “Yes, it would seem so.”

“Josh, I—“

“Look,” he cuts you off, stressing with urgency. “We’re only here for the night. Lay low if you can. He’s bad off, and to see you would level him. To see you with that,” he once again points out your ring, “Would kill him. You leaving…”

A shaking breath rattles his shoulders, “It wasn’t easy for either of us, but Jake? Jake is still in that hotel room you walked out of a thousand nights ago. He never left, sweet girl. He never fucking left…and as much as I know that it’s not your fault…”

He trails off in thought and then drags in a hitching hiss of air, “As much as I know it isn’t either of our faults, I still place all that blame right here, with you and me. I can’t watch him descend any further, alright? So just lay low until we’re gone. For me, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you nod, a thousand questions beating like bird’s wings against the cage of your mind, “Yes, of course.”

Another lull slips in to visit until he shakes his head slowly, “How did I ever manage to get over you? You truly are beautiful. I’d almost forgotten…that’s heartbreaking.”

There is an innocuous lilt to his tone that warms your soul like cocoa with the fattest marshmallow bobbing along in the mug, and you feel your cheeks turn pink under his open, golden gaze.

“Me?” You laugh, “What about you, gorgeous? I love the hair.”

“Oh, you know,” he brushes his palms over the sides with a bashful shrug, “I let Sam trim it, scissors slipped…had to do something.”

“Still blaming Sam for all of life’s tragedies?” You laugh again. You always did laugh so freely with him, and you’ve missed it more than you ever allowed yourself to realize.

He scoffs with the faintest roll of his sparkling eyes “Obviously. That’s what the youngest is for, mama. You know this. And speaking of Samuel, you understand that Daniel will tell him, right? Those two might as well just get married and call it a day.”

Another giggle sounds out of you, “Don’t be jealous, Joshua. It’s unbecoming. Danny loves you, too…and Sammy I would say definitely considers you a solid acquaintance.”

“Yes, well, my acquaintance would be thoroughly crushed if he didn’t get the chance to at least say hello to you. Maybe later tonight? After the show?” He leans forward and toys with the beads swinging between his knees. “How would that be?”

“Only Sammy?”

He holds up two fingers, scout’s honor, “Only Sammy.”

You agree, and catch up a while longer until it’s time for him to take his leave, and you can’t help the confession that blurts out of your mouth without eloquence.

“You said he never left that hotel room,” you waver with bitten back tears. “It wasn’t…I don’t want you to think…it took me a very long time to leave that room, too.”

One last time, before the door closes behind him, his eyes linger on your pillow and the evidence of your tears, and then find yours, “Sweetheart, are you sure you’ve left it at all?”

Taglist: @gretasintrees @greta-van-chaos @celestialfauna @s0livagant @groggyvanfleet @kiszkathecook @brokenbellz @llightmyllovee @doodle417 @seventieswhore @jake-kiszkas-smirk @weightofdreams-gvf @imdepressedaf1996 @alisonwonderland29 @gretavanfleas @jakesgrapejuice @gretavangroove @sparrowofthedawn @xserenax-13 @tbagggvf @obetrolncocktails @jakeslovehandles @poofyloofy @70sgroupielovr @heatmyfleet @age-of-nyahh @sammiboo162 @gretasmokerising @spicedandicedtea @jakekiszkasleftnutsack @saoirsemaeve @mywickeddivinity @thelvnternskeeper @paintmyhouse @tripthelightfandomtastic @tripthelight-fanfic @mckenna4 @sarakay-gvf @theweightofjake @thewritingbeforesunrise @joshsmama @sammysvanfeet @rhythm-of-space @highladyofasgard @jordie-gvf-admin @calumspretty @sad1lynn @demolitionndann @gvfpal @starcatcher-jake

[unformula1]

dear oscar (OP81 x LS2)

dear oscar (OP81 x LS2)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ synopsis: Logan writes a letter to help him manage his feelings, it does everything BUT manage feelings. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ pairing: logan sargeant x oscar piastri w/c: 892 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ a/n: this is day FOUR (lando's number) of loscar posts until we get a loscar podium!! some angst today!! might make this a series very much inspired from https://archiveofourown.org/works/54754315 masterlist ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ taglist: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Logan crushes the sheet of paper and throws it into the pile of already crushed papers. He puts down the pen and cracks his fingers, again.

He’s been at this for hours and he hates it knowing he’s terrible at expressing himself and Oscar’s probably not going to even look at this. 

Logan takes a deep breath once again and picks up his pen.

Dear Oscar,

I’m not very good at expressing my feelings but I’ll try my best.

I’ve missed you lately and I miss all our late night conversations, my nights feel empty without them. I miss our friendship and the very long conversations we had. 

When you asked me how I was doing and I said “it’s been alright.” That was a blatant lie. I’ve been doing absolutely horrible. I haven’t seen a good day in months and every morning I ask myself why I’m doing this to myself, I ask if everything I left behind was worth it. Should I have given up?

 I’m glad you’re doing well and winning trophies, I’ve never been happier for you. Remember when your rookie year was being compared to Hamilton’s? That was amazing. 

Great, now he’s gone off track again, absolutely perfect. Logan’s pen left the paper again and he contemplated crushing this one up. He eventually decided against it and his pen tip touched the paper again.

He doesn’t know what he’s going to write anymore but he doesn’t care. He just wants to let his feelings out.

I hate how we don’t talk anymore. I hate how life has to pull its strings on us. I hate how we walk past each other as if we never knew each other. I’ve been trying my hardest, I really have.

I want to talk to you. I want to hear your voice again. 

I’ve been making wishes on every shooting star I’ve seen and been throwing in a penny for every wishing well I’ve come across, just wishing you were my friend again, wishing that I could go back in time and relive those moments in PREMA.

I didn’t treasure those times enough.

Every single time I see any McLaren video, I stop and stare, imagining that it could’ve been you and I. Believe me, I love how you and Lando have developed one of the closest bonds ever and trust me, I think Alex is a perfect teammate. 

But I just wish that we had another chance and I wouldn’t fuck it up this time. I really wish I did.

Every single time Lando calls you “Osc”, it makes me shiver just knowing that I could never be half the person Lando was. I do everything and risk it all just trying to be more like Lando or just someone who you would bother to look at

His mind flashes back to every single time he and Oscar have done anything together, watch movies, do stupid promotional videos, even sad times came back and made him wish he took those moments better.

He tears up slightly, but wipes his tears away before they spill onto the paper. Lando’s voice saying “Osc” rings in his head like an annoying bell which kills him slightly every time it repeats. 

Osc.

Osc.

Osc.

He slams his hand into the table, causing everything to jolt, even getting startled by his own actions. Logan isn’t even on Lando’s level, not even a quarter of the way there.

Lando’s better in every way, definitely much better teammate than Logan would’ve been.

His tears resurface but he doesn’t wipe them away this time, he lets them trickle down his cheek, cling on to his skin at his chin and finally drop down onto the paper, causing a stain.

More tears cause stains on the bottom part of the paper before Logan wipes them all away.

Please…

I miss you Oscar.

Regards Love

Logan

He places the pen down and looks at the letter, which has tear stains, but Logan couldn’t care less. He puts the letter down and folds it neatly in half, slotting it into a brown envelope. He seals the envelope tight, wrinkling the paper from pressing too hardly. 

He takes his pen up again and the tip floats above the paper.

He takes a few seconds before writing.

To: Oscar Piastri

His throat stings from crying. He didn’t even cry for that long but it hurts him. His own words repeat in his head like a knife twisting into his body.

He opens up Oscar’s chat on his phone, his last message being left on Seen.

3 weeks ago Great race :)

He hasn’t even given Oscar a message for the Australian Grand Prix but Logan couldn’t care less.

His fingers hover over his keyboard.

Can we meet sometime soon?

He hesitates about sending it.

Osc.

Osc.

Osc.

Osc.

He turns off his phone and takes a deep breath. 

He sits on his couch and leans back. The thoughts endlessly flying around in his head, like phantoms of his past haunting him again.

He closes his eyes and keeps them shut, imagining whatever makes him feel happy. 

Oscar.

Oscar.

Oscar.

Osc.

The tears squeeze their way past his eyelids and slide down his cheek. It’s a devastating feeling. 

He covers his head with a pillow and keeps his eyes tightly shut, crying himself to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ there will be a part 2 (hopefully) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[threepandas]

Bird4Bird Part 2: Yandere Hawks

(Experimenting with tenses n povs, bear with me, will post the whole thing together in the one I/you guys like best, once it's done.)

His patrol is the exact sort of boring that he both hates and loves. On one hand? More time for flying. Freedom from the office. The watching eyes of... everybody, really. But on the OTHER hand? Boooooored. SO bored!

He's not MADE for bored!

Not that there WEREN'T distraction from said boredom below him. There definitely WERE. God, so SO many. Shiny, fascinating, fast moving distractions. ALL sorts of things to pick apart and hunt down. Rip apart and eat. And fans. So, SO many fans.

Noise and life and stimulus. Calculations and social masks.

He bet he could find a kitten in a tree somewhere.

There had to be at least ONE, rig-?

An explosion catches the corner of his eye. He snaps around, mid air, changing trajectory. Thank FUCK! Excitement fizzing even as cool attention calms him. Warm sunlight heating his back, the smell of smoke already starting to reach him, the rush of wind flying past? Is there anything better?

His eyes take in the scene as he arrives.

Botched takedown. Heavily armed combatant. Panicked crowd. He's already send feathers forward when? The combatant panics, seeing him arrive. Throws everything he has indiscriminately. Probably hoping to overwhelm him. Ha! Cute. Pointless, though.

He's already dragging civilians out of the way, when?

Children's voices. High and panicked. Screaming. The combatant had one last bomb. Is trying to run. Probably thinks he'll have to choose, as though he can't be-...

Wings...

Magnificent, powerful, WINGS. Massive and sweeping. Every feather an unbreakable shield. Catching the light, past smoke and fires, white and a brown so dark it bordered on black or grey. The patterns of a harpy eagle...

A mesmerizing golden sheen, almost impossible for anyone but those with enhanced eyes to pick up, surged from the base of them. Like the spread of smooth ink across paper, the slide of silk against skin. A glint covering those magnificent wings in GOLD.

Quirk?

No. No, concentrate. His Feather grabs the bomb from the air and flings it upwards. To explode harmlessly in open air. He catches the menace blindly behind him. Honestly, he's done far harder with far less. He can't look away.

Even as those wings, still domed up, shuffle to safety. Move ever so gently, like a grand reveal, to release a veritable HOARD of roughed up kids. Some of whom are still clinging to their savior for dear life. Snot and tears everywhere. They bear it with surprising grace.

They're... they're HUGE~

Not a Heros build, but..? Just STANDING there they look like a threat. They clearly can't help it. Clearly have made efforts to NOT look like one. Have tracked down the cutesiest Hero Merch available to slap on their body, like might help.

It's like looking staring down a pissed off alligator in a princess tiara. There WAS An Effort! He'll give her that!

His face threatens to break out into a VERY un-PR friendly, mean little snicker. It's... God it's so FUCKIN CUTE~. She's so big. Trying to make herself so non-threatening. It's never gonna work. Any PR team worth their pay would tell her to just give up and pick a different gimmick. But... but God, those WINGS!

He HAS to know her flight speed.

So he waves off the complaining newbies he wasn't actually listening too, makes appropriate noises to the appropriate people as he passes. And makes his way over. As he get closer? Oh~?

What a SUPRISE. She's getting ripped into by local law enforcement. Which, fair, she DID use her Quirk. But that's not what HE'S talking about. He didn't even see it. He's talking about her WINGS.

Well, well, well. He KNOWS he didn't just hear local law enforcement threaten JAIL TIME over a MUTATION, did he? That's an abuse of power! He can arrest YOU for that, officer~. He decides to cut in.

"Problem, officer?" He chirps.

His hand going to his new friends shoulder in solidarity. The officer jerks to attention. But the living STEEL under his hand? Jerks violently. She jumps. It's only years of training and the warning he got from his hand physically touching her shoulder, feeling her muscles start to move, that saves him a concussion.

The wing closest to him slams out like a battering ram, flicking into an extension just to force him back further. She spins to face him. Eyes locked on, teeth unknowingly bared. And... oh. Oh~!

She has a HARPY Quirk~

Cute like fangs that can probably rip through bone, eyes like his, TALONS that dip the tips of her fingers in a black so deep and glossy, ink masters would weep in envy. And the muscles. Far beyond an athlete. Not quite a top 50 hero, but better then most hero students by far. Not balanced for fighting though, those are PURELY wing and exercise muscles.

And the longer he openly assesses? The more of her teeth are bared. The bigger her wings fluff up. The more her hands spread into clawed, furious, weapons. Ready to swing at his head. Her eyes slowly lighting with aggravation and confrontational aggression.

He used to get like this too. HATED being stared at. He got it trained out of him.

He... he can't help it.

It's too cute. She's SO MAD. He knows he shouldn't. He's supposed to be a top 5 hero. The commission's golden boy. Everyone's watching. Always IS. He needs to behave himself, remember his PR training.

Don't. Do. The Thing...

He reaches out and tugs a feather. She has a mean right hook.

He gets yeeeeeelled at. Sad face. His handlers want to throw the book at her. For once, he puts his foot down. Absolutely Not. HE started that fight. HE'S the one who should have known better. He doesn't CARE if her records show she's a "trouble maker"! (That's a lie. He's CURIOUS now~. Oooooh~ What did you DO, lil harpy? Vengeance? Justice? Speeding ticket?)

They let it go.

He? He does NOT. He knows he should. This is a Bad Habit of his. No, WAS. It WAS a Bad Habit. He's BETTER then this now. There were trainers. Psychological exams. Drugs. All FIXED now! Promise! See? Doesn't even have that Endeavor collection he used to keep.

TOTALLY forgot how they tore it away from him. Destroyed it. Ha ha! He barely even REMEMBERS the EXACT Face, Name, Current Location, and Home Address of every single individual involved in THAT little incident! He's let it GO! Forgot about it, really. Yeeeep, the panic and rage DEFINITELY don't keep him up at night. The helplessness. As they took what was HIS-!!

Deeeep inhale. Exhale. Remember to smile!

So, yeah.

Where was he? Right! His Bad Habit That He DOES NOT HAVE ANYMORE. Because he's FIXED now. All better! He's just... taking responsibility, you know? Wants the chance to keep messing with her. Maybe see if he can get a glorious creature like that her very own flyers license.

Cause, DAMN. Wings like THOSE should be airborne.

God he wants to race her so bad.

Luckily~ he's hired the BEST lawyers. (Love you Tadashi~ say hi to your boo~) and the Judge? A big Fan! Yay, FAVORS! (Guess where YOUR going, little hunter? Run but you can't hiiiiide~) She? Looks SO unimpressed to see him? It's GREAT.

She's even WORSE in a suit. It's hilarious.

Maybe it's just THAT suit. God it's so frumpy. What, did she find it in the "generics weekly" catalog? She should wear armor. Ooooh, a flight suit! Something form fitting and sleeveless to show off them GUNS. Never thought HE'D get to be the one who feels dainty in a relationship, but...

Ah. Wait.

Gotta HAVE a relationship, first...

Unfortunately? Tall, buff, and gorgeous is so pissed to BE here? It's unlikely she'll notice any subtle flirtations....

He's not sure what his face is doing, but the expression is enough to make her HISS, wings mantling in a threat display.

Oh, yeah. Oh this is gonna be FUN~♡