#cleaning prussia

[local-hyena]

Hetalia is my favorite anime ever. It as also a very weird anime that has quite  abad reputation. I watched the entre thing in three weeks (6 seasons of 12 to 24 episodes) in january 2021, then wat hed the movie in february. The 7th season was rekeased in April that year.

The story is... inexplicable. In fact, it doesn't really have a story at all. Hetalia is a parody anime, excepts is parodies History. The characters are human versions of countries. Each episode is 5 minuts long, add to that the opening and ending, they are extremly short. Every episode consist of a couple of skits. As I said, it is a parody anime that bases itself on History, so it somehow has an educative scope. For example, it made me learn that Lithuania was unified in 1236.

Now how could I talk about Hetalia without talking about its humor ? It is... absurd. Nonsensical. The only thing you think about when watching this anime is "what the sweet fuck is that ?". It's the kind of anime you either obsessively love or hate with a burning passion. I am in the first category.

Another point worth mentionning : the difference between the japanese version and the english dub. It's affected by what I call the "Ghost Stories Syndrome". In case you don't know what Ghost Stories is, it's an anime about teenagers chasing ghosts in their school. The japanese version is perfectly normal, but the english dub it... well, it's quite parodic. Lots of jokes, improv... the most famous clip is one in which a girl brought her dead bunny back to life or something and tells its ghost "it could have never worked between us ! Not because you're a rabbit... but because you're black !" This one : https://youtu.be/RINHjxsPOEg?si=jtWIBZkkWZtzE7U-. See what I mean ? Well, it's the same with Hetalia, excepts that the original material is already unhinged. I watched the japanese version, but watched enough of the english dub clips to admire how insane the english voice actors were.

Hetalia started as a webcomic, then there was the manga, the anime, the movie and musicals. There are also at least two official games, a bunch of albums and various proeminent fan-creations (HetaOni, Auf Wiedersehen Sweetheart, Gutters, The Danish Slaughterhouse, 23.5)

Now, would I recommend this anime ? No. Don't watch it. It's hell in there. Most fans will tell you that they hate this show and it's for a reason : it traps you. Once you're in, you can't get out. They say there is a thin line between crazy and genius, and I am convinced that Himaruya Hidekaz himelf is that line. But that's my thing, I like crazy stuff :]

[kamizuya]

Hetalia Doodles for a crack fanfic "Cleaning Mr. Prussia - Russia Route".

Fanfic Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58632388

[miikoissant]

Why is Prussia here

[eisenrosen]

No I’m not done spamming my creations.

[where-is-my-beheading-ceremony]

Brainrot is real and it's name is Pruliet

[lemondropkaity]

Why are clothes so hard?

[fluffywhump]

Got bored at work and started adding songs to a new playlist

[clearmindwindowcleaning]

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[gmb-gutter-solution]

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[goldammerchen]

(cleaning mister prussia... 2010)

april fools + april fools (2011 + 2007)

[504py]

Yandere Prussia Relationship Headcanons

Gender neutral, no use of Y/N, NSFW, murder, kidnapping mention, stalking, long post ahead!

we're SO BACK JOE. i apologize in advance if i write him strangely 😭😭🙏 but here it is! come get y'all juice!! slowly coming back to hetalia, so my inbox is once again open!!! hope y'all like it!

┊͙✧˖*°࿐

How the relationship started...

Gilbert is a very competitive man, and he can't help but be attracted by challenges, even if those challenges are ones that he himself proposes and the other party is completely unaware. This is what has unfortunately happened between you two, and it all started when you rejected his advances towards you.

I apologize for saying this, but I feel that Gilbert is a bit of a "nice guy". He saw you initially as just some pretty person he could fool around and flirt with, but you, obviously, saw right through his act, and said something that stuck with him.

"Are you normally this pathetic?"

He's taken aback, and his red irises shake a little.

Of course, he's used to insults being flung his way, what with how he acts, but a shot to how cool he perceives himself to be would stick.

His white brows crease his previously smirking face, before snapping back.

"Well fuck you too!"

Gilbert wouldn't have any contact with you following this interaction for a long while, and while he tries to forget you and erase you from his memory, you and your words have been laser-burnt into the creases of his brain. You and your damned smile when you look at anyone other than him, the softer tone your voice takes when you talk to other people, versus how your voice seems to have been drained of all enthusiasm and feels like it's a knife dripping with venom when Gilbert talks to you. Why didn't he deserve that nice treatment, too? Was he not even deserving of a small smile from you? He wants you to like him, too. He wants to be the person you like the most; to be the best.

Which resulted in him showing up at your door one evening with flowers and your favorite takeout.

Why does he know your address and why does he know your favorite food and flowers, you ask? Don't worry about it (He was obsessively stalking your social media during the month he was gone).

Gilbert apologizes to you, he sounds sincere, and like the oh-so kind person you are, or maybe you just wanted the food and flowers, you let him into your home.

Expectations...

Gilbert is a very insecure man. His only expectation is for you to look at only him and to love him only. Perhaps he wants you to love him the same way he loves you, obsessively, but he does like the challenge.

He feels like, maybe, if he can fully prove himself to you one day and have your validation, only then can he truly see himself as worthy, as the best for you.

He would have a lot of tunnel vision when it comes to you. To Gilbert, the rest of the world doesn't matter, because you are his whole world. He does tend to look pretty stupid because of it sometimes, but he couldn't care less.

You want him to cook and clean around the house? He'll do it.

You want him to change up his style even if he doesn't really like it? Of course he will!

You want him to carry all the bags while you're out shopping? In a heartbeat. Plus, he gets to show off his strength too. He'd carry you too if you allowed it.

Even if he tries his best not to come off as cocky, he really does like showing off. Being with you has sort of domesticated him, so he'd be a lot more shy about making a show of himself.

I think he'd act like this irregardless on if you accepted him as your boyfriend or not, if anything, I think he'd be even more of a doormat if you refuse to accept him.

He'd get crazier and crazier with his attempts to prove himself to you, such as buying extravagant gifts, doing anything and everything under the sun and moon for you, hell, he'd even legally change his name if you didn't like it.

If you still don't accept him despite everything he's done, I think he'd snap and just take you. He'll keep you with him so you won't run away and he can have as many attempts as it takes to prove himself to you.

But I imagine you'd cave from the guilt and persistence, and eventually accept him. At which, he'd literally scream from relief and happiness and swing you around, before realizing how rough he's being with you and hurriedly putting you back down and apologizing.

Yet he still has that wide toothy grin the whole time, and he keeps petting your hair and holding your face in his hands adoringly. It feels that, from that moment on, there would never be a moment where he'd be unhappy ever again, and he'd never allow you to be unhappy either as long as he's around.

It is genuinely very hard to make this Gilbert upset, because there are very few things that do...

Punishments...

Gilbert really hates it when you express any sort of affection towards anyone or anything other than him.

Yes, anything. He gets jealous if you show too much affection over his dogs or fawn over them too much. I'm seriously saying this, I think he'd later show up with a collar around his neck, crawling on the ground and rubbing his head against your thigh like a mutt. This could either come off as comedic or attractive depending on you, but either is a win in Gilbert's book, since at least he's got your attention now.

If you have any personal toys of your own, he'd get kinda emotional and ask you to throw them away, then ask what they do that he can't. In some time (and by that I mean later that night, maybe even right away), he'd prove that he can provide you with so much more pleasure and relief than those toys ever could.

Probably even to a fault, he'd keep overstimulating you and forcing orgasms till he was satisfied, till he believed that it was drilled into your brain that only he could do these sorts of things to you. And, also, that if you make him jealous like this again, it'll be another one of these long, torturous, sweaty nights...

I guess these aren't really punishments to a lot of people, because in my book only one thing could make him so genuinely upset that he'd be anything other than doting towards you, and that would be flirting with someone else. He'd try to deny it, but then he'd be inconsolable and crying for weeks, having nights where he'd be begging you to say that it never happened, or that the other person meant nothing to you.

"They r-really mean nothing to you? You mean it, babe?"

Then an idea pops into Gilbert's head, one that makes his heart rate pick up and his pupils dilate.

He kisses you, says that he loves you, says goodnight, then he'd be eerily... calm for the next few days. Usually he'd be more skittish and closed-off following whatever you did, but now he's acting like nothing ever happened.

Until one day, he shows up with that other person, bound and gagged, and a gun.

"G-Gil, what is thi-"

"They mean nothing to you, right?"

"Y-Yes, but-"

Then the gun fires, and it happens so quickly that you can barely process it.

This is only a hypothetical scenario, if you were ever to do something like that. It'd be really easy for Gilbert to slip into a psychosis and believe he was doing the right thing by murdering someone.

If anything, he sees it as another means of proving himself.

"There's no one else who would kill for you like I could."

All in all, he isn't easy to anger, but unfortunately I can't say the same thing about him and murder...

Rewards...

Luckily, as long as you're fully loyal to him, all you'd have is a boyfriend who is doting to a total fault.

As long as you've got a good tolerance for cringe, being with Gilbert should be relatively stress-free.

Gilbert's love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. You could imagine what the two combined would be... Yeah, he's got a huge praise kink.

But as for ways he shows his love towards you, it's definitely acts of service and gift giving. He lilkes gloating a lot, and that's especially true when it comes to the two of you.

He enjoys showing you off. He likes buying gaudy things for you and himself– a huge fan of matching outfits– and taking you out on flashy dates. If you're comfortable with being posted on his social media, best believe he'd be spamming his with you ALL the time. Even if you're not being physically being shown, he'd write about you in his tweets, captions, and stories constantly.

"CHECK OUT THIS EPIC BAG I GOT FOR MY BELOVED!!!!!!!!"

And around twenty-eight people respond like "Didn't you just get them one the other day??"

If you're one to hop between interests and hobbies a lot, or just have any hyperfixations in general, best believe Gilbert will be fueling them LOL.

Gilbert can be really overbearing with his affections, but to him it's just because you deserve it so much. Only the best for the best, right?

He can't help it either, the most rewarding thing he's ever felt is that feeling he gets after he gives you a gift or does something for you. You get this adorable look on your face, smiling at him like he was the stars in the sky and singing out the sweetest compliments and thanks. It's all so worth it.

Normally I'd delve into what Gilbert would love to receive from his partner in return, but in all seriousness, I really do think all he wants is praise and your sole affection.

Like Alfred in my last headcanon post, Gilbert is really noisy, but I think he'd willingly make an effort to change that for you. Not because you asked for it or anything, but just cause, this way, he can appreciate all the tiny little things about you even more.

He realized this, when, one day, he noticed you frown a little before you smile. He wonders why he's never noticed this, and he realizes it's because he closes his eyes right when he starts to laugh. He starts to wonder what other little details about you he's missing out on, so he watches you more carefully in that effort.

Inadvertently, this has made him more calm and quiet since he's so concentrated on you. He likes it, though.

I think, what punctuates Gilbert's character here, is his willingness to change and bend for love's sake.

He does say he loves you very often, to the point of it being annoying sometimes, but he sincerely does mean it. He doesn't say it as just fluff.

However, you'll feel it most with the way he looks at you.

"You have a mole on your back. Did you know that, babe?"

┊͙✧˖*°࿐

(art used is mine, so please do show it some love on my blog as well! thinking of starting a taglist?)

[williamkisser]

Franziska Kurz - The Maid; her lore

Finally a lore drop YAAYAYAYA. I’ll probably be updating this post from time to time as i’d like this to be some kind of a masterlist.

🧹 Name: Franziska Kurz

🧹 Career: maid

🧹 Gender: female - mtf

🧹 Faction: survivor

🧹 Item: none

🧹 Role: assist - contain

🧹 Hunter switch: none

🧹 Difficulty: 1.5/3

🧹 Birthday: June 2nd

🧹 Nameday: March 9th

🧹 Age: 20

🧹 Height: 171cm

🧹 Nationality: Polish

🧹 Ethnicity: slavic

🧹 Social class: working class

🧹 Faith: protestant

🧹 Voice claim: Pola Negri - x

🧹 MBTI: INFP

🧹 Favourite dish: angel wings

🧹 Traits: paranoid, perfectionism, insecurity, humbleness, freedom-loving, judgemental

🧹 Talent: housekeeping

🧹 Likes: going on walks, showing affection

🧹 Dislikes: self centered, obnoxious people, cipher machines

🧹 Interests: literature

🧹 Associated character: Kurt Frank, Montague - @hauntted-idv oc

🧹 Character EP: Drunk by Kylie Minogue - x

My take on who would she get along with

PRE MANOR

Lore: Franziska, a girl raised at an ordinary province was born on the grounds of Poland annexed by the Kingdom of Prussia. Like many other people, she felt like helping out on the field and in the barn was far from her calling, therefore, she hired herself at the most common occupation for poor women at the time - a Maid. It was a very unrewarding job. They barely could find any free time and often worked hard all week with very little pay. Franziska, that wasn’t yet aware of her gender identity quickly realized that this place is not good for her either, and the owners of the mansion she worked in didn’t treat their servants with respect, not even knowing their names. Together with other male servants, she often had to engage in tough physical jobs. Unconsciously, she would often daydream while gazing at the female workers skirts and beautiful hair coverings, which shortly after made her realize she feels more like a woman. Her stay at the rich house took a serious toll on her mental health - resulting in her burning down the place and running away with a traditional dress she stole from the owner’s daughter - leaving the then-rich family without a bright future.

AT OLETUS MANOR

Lore: Shortly after the accident, Franziska fled to England on a ship, where she began working for rich home owners. Her employer was a German man, which made the task more easy as she knew the language. His family was much more nicer than the previous one. Despite her pay being still very low, the owner’s wife started paying for her English tutor, which would help her a lot. After some time, she received a letter from the infamous Oletus Manor, inviting her to the crew: and promising a big pay that would let her find a better job. Franziska took the risk, but little did she know her task was going to be much more than just becoming a part of the crew.

Personality: Due to her difficult past, Franziska developed many unhealthy behaviours. First of all, she’s extremely paranoid nearly on the verge of schizophrenia. The feeling of guilt makes her think that she’s being followed. She can’t stand dirty places, she is a perfectionist that could clean one little spot for several minutes. Many people may consider Franziska not unapproachable, judging by her mean face expression, she is however extremely friendly and loves talking. She can judge someone easily as well - she’s prejudiced towards people of higher status - often without reason. During her free time she discovered her passion for literature, amazing, engaging stories. She wasn’t the best at reading but she would work on it. She formed a strong bond with Kurt through his stories, eventually becoming lovers.

This is lowkey half assed and i feel cringe posting this but whatever yall…i am cringe but free………i’m sure my goober would like to interact with other ocs……..

Pleek ignore the fact that this is anne’s model i happen to be very bad at drawing😔

[enlitment]

-> Shout-out to prev's tags. Prev gets it!

Thank you, La Révolution française, for providing us with plenty of Robesmoulins sexual tension for my edit.

[eisenrosen]

Remind me to expand on my Gilbert OCD headcanons when I awaken from my sickness induced coma [dies badly]

[generational-atrophy]

HAIII could you write the heta men of your choice with a gn s/o who acts like a cat?? (rubbing their head in their arm while cuddling, BITING (affectionate), knocking shit over to get attention, and most catlike of all LAYING ON/CUDDLING THEM RIGHT WHEN THEY NEED TO GET UP)

hetalia romano, prussia, canada, russia, england, and america with a catlike s/o

1.1k words ~ gender neutral headcanons

tw: a couple suggestive implications, but thats it!

a/n: people who let me do guys of my choice i am hopelessly in love with you. thank you.

Romano

Romano is such a cat boyfriend, so good luck with that. Absolutely nothing is getting down in your household, I guess.

He finds your catlike affection cute for a bit, but it's definitely not his favourite. He'll happily cuddle whenever you want, just don't bite him! it's weird...

But he'd love how you always lay on him when he needs to do something. He didn't want to do it anyway. Now he has an adorable excuse!

When you push things off counters, he just doesn't care. Sure, he'll give you attention, but only briefly. His house is a mess, a broken glass is nothing new. Plus, he does the exact thing to you all the time.

Basically, he's fine with it. Would prefer a more... mature S/O, but internally he knows he's just as bad as you when it comes to that. Maybe that's why you get along so well!

Prussia

Gilbert will never let anyone know this... but he's secretly a cat person. His massive dog army would make you think differently, but trust me on this (;

He'd just think you're SO cute! It doesn't even register to him that what you're doing is weird. He's just like, “Oh, you're headbutting me? I'll headbutt you back.”

His intense touch starved-ness makes your clingy and cuddly nature a perfect fit for what he wants.

Knocking stuff off counters would also work crazy well on him. As soon as you do that, he's running over and desperately cleaning everything up. You've got his full attention. First, he'll ask if you're ok, and then he'll get pissed. He promises to “punish” you later too...

(By “punishment,” he means he's gonna make you watch his terrible nerd shows.)

If you tried laying on him to get him to stay, he's just pushing you off. If he's in a particularly affectionate mood, he'll stay for a few more moments, but generally, you're just gonna end up on the floor. He's got stuff to do!

Canada

Matthew just... really doesn't know how to handle your affection. He hasn't had any romantic partners in a long time, so his only real reference for modern love is TV shows. And... they definitely don't act like cats in those. Are you weird, or is he?

He'll be super awkwardly accepting of it. Ok, you're curled up in his lap... so he pets your hair, right? When he wakes up to you laid flat over his body like a blanket, he just... doesn't know what to do. Where does he put his hand? Does he push you off?

Eventually, he'll get it. Then he's gonna go full cat owner mode. Constantly checking in with you, making sure you're always entertained, and cuddling you constantly.

He doesn't appreciate you breaking things to get his attention though... like, he's always willing to give it to you! No questions asked! You don't have to go to such drastic measures to get a hug.

If you flop on his lap when he's about to get up, he's just gonna accept his fate. You'll get no protests from him. Just... let him know when you're done, k?

Russia

Ivan doesn't even question anything you do. He just finds your cat-like behaviours super cute! It just makes him want to indulge you more.

Whenever you force him to continue cuddling, he just laughs and concedes. He's never had such a clingy S/O, and it makes him want to protect you even more.

However, this kind of thing does make him infantilize you even more. But on the bright side, expect him to buy you lots of cute clothes and build pillow forts for you two often (He might buy you a collar too ;)

He really doesn't mind you biting him. Once he knows you're alright with it, he'll probably bite you back! It's a weird point of pride for him to be covered in your little teeth marks.

Surprisingly, he also doesn't mind you breaking things to get his attention! He finds it... oddly romantic. Like, oh, you care about me enough to cause damage to things? Wow, you're so dedicated! (He has... problems.)

Basically, a S/O that acts like a cat would be great. He's such a dog boyfriend anyway.

England

Arthur doesn't see this as “acting like a cat” as much as he sees it as “immaturity.” Surprisingly, unlike how he feels normally about childish S/O, your behaviour could really grow on him. Of course, he'll always huff and sigh when you rub yourself against his arm anyway, but still!

He WILL get very annoyed by you sitting on his lap while he's busy though. Like, if he's just reading, whatever. But if you interrupt him when he's about to do something, he's just forcing you off his lap and walking away.

Also, do NOT break his glasses. Pissing him off like that will only make him ignore you more. Besides, if you wanted a super attentive partner, you really shouldn't go for Arthur anyway.

But despite all that, he really adores your habit of biting him. As long as it's not too painful, he does get a kick out of it, weirdly. When he bites you, it's always in a more... sensual way, but he adores how you do it so affectionately.

Basically, yeah, he thinks you're cute. But it's easy for you to get on his nerves if you act like that.

America

Alfred... doesn't really mind. But he thinks it's more entertaining than cute. He definitely realizes what you're doing early on in the relationship, and loves to tease you about it.

But... he also can't help the urge to take care of you because of it. He makes sure to always leave cute little snacks in your bag in case of emergency, and he NEVER misses a call from you. He gets a little paranoid about you getting taken advantage of because of how immature you can be.

You can bite him. He probably wouldn't even notice you did so.

However you show affection, he'll reciprocate. He's not much into the headbutting thing himself, he's a lot more uh... traditional? But he loves it when you do it!

He has to resist squeezing your cheeks every day that he wakes up next to you. It keeps getting harder.

You pushing stuff off every surface doesn't make him mad per se, but he definitely doesn't enjoy that habit. (Specifically, he would buy a bell that means you want attention. It's much cuter that way, and also you aren't breaking his things.)

In conclusion: it would be a very sweet relationship (:

[shini--chan]

In your opinion, would germany and prussia be very different as yanderes? Because while i think both would be strict and maybe even cruel, i find that germany is more likely to be more naive? On that note... prussia character sheet? 🙏🙏

Oh yes. In any time periode, Germany is simply far more awkward and naive than Prussia. In the beginning he is a lanky, rebellious kid who has a close and complicated relationship with his older brother. He is alike him in all the ways Prussia loves and loathes. But there is also the Bavarian and Austrian influence that makes Gilbert want to put his head through a wall. He is far more lax and openminded and cheeky than Gilbert - spitting on Prussian censorship, fliriting with socialism and Feuerbachian ideology and playing football no matter how much Gilbert scolds him for engaging in "the english sickness". He'd engage in the worst attrocities because he'd be steeped in his own self-rightousness and then drowns in guilt when he is beaten back and his eyes are opened.

Ludwig came from student fraternities and the overthrow of an old order by youngsters that wanted more than the word offered them. Meanwhile Gilbert arose from a knightly order that was smashed because it became too powerful, that became a duchy and then a kingdom and then a military power to be reckoned with. It shows in both their characters and how they would be as yanderes.

Gilbert would be calmer, more patient and more controlling. He is more comfortable with a sword in hand and a field cot to sleep in and hates modern life. He is just bursting with energy nowadays that has become directionless because there are no more heroes and no more pioneers. He is an old general that can never rest, that is sharp and dangerous. Sharp and dangerous things are not suited for modern times and that is his problem.

Meanwhile Ludwig has more passion and is far more likely to crash and burn and then repent with interest. He is an idealist with no charisma, a romantic that dreams of knights and glory and would inpale himself on his enemy's sword if he were to land a hit. Yet he would never let go of his modern life because it is safe and clean and thinking about his own past scares him. Less resiliant, especially next to his elders, and still all the more blood thirsty.

Seems like I have been rambling. I'll have to do a relationship/character study of them on my non-yandere account.

In short:

Prussia: controlling, patient, and realistic. Restless with his excess energy and less likely to indulge in comforts with how he knows (he has experienced firsthand) how it corrupts the character. When bad times come, he'd roll his eyes and roll up his sleeves. Self-aware and prepared to be harsh if you call him out on it.

Germany: idealistic and passionate with no guile or innate charm or charisma. Doesn't think things completely through and still stubborn to boot. Moralising and very likely to fall to delusion. Would scapegoat and belittle and rationalise if you'd point out his misdemeanors.

Yandere Character Sheet I - 1p Prussia 

Trigger warnings: physical, emotional and verbal abuse, torture methods, mind break, murder, inprisonmemt, abuse of power and authority, non-con roleplay, live target practise and human experimentation

Attributes - What sort of Yandere is he/she?

Above all else, Gilbert would be hard. Despite all his years, he had never been good at comforting people, nor did he even deem it necessary most of the time. He tends to view other people as overly soft and chances are high that he would view you in the same light. To him, you would be iron that he would have to hammer so that it hardens, so don't expect him to go easy on you. In fact, he would see it as his job to toughen you up. To him, it wouldn't change if you love him or not, you would still be restricted to two meals a day, cold showers and waking up at the crack of dawn everyday. A day spent idly is a day wasted, in Gilbert Beilschmidt's mind. Also, he would be the sort of person that could take a lot of punishment, so don't expect to be able to beat him down or chastise him into submission. 

Your captor would also be of the energetic sort. Not in the sugar shock way that Alfred would be at times, rather in the restless manner that a tiger pacing its cage is. Constantly there would be work or a project or a strenuous hobby to engage in. Having to tag along with his activities would be a blessing and a curse packed in one. On one hand, it would mean that he would see you as competent enough to not accidentally ruin his work, on the other hand it would mean that he would hold even higher expectations of you. Besides that, he would expect you to work for him, willingly or unwillingly. Gilbert would be constantly searching for ways to bind you more strongly to him and make you spend more time with him. Seeing that his ideal lifestyle would result in only using his living quarters for resting, nourishment and washing, he would want to style your relationship with him so that you’re not some stay-at-home housewife. Oh no, he would very much want to drag you along for the ride. Should you need to be properly tamed, then he would spend more time at home with you. And become bored very fast. Mark my words when I say that a bored Gilbert Beilschmidt is the last thing you would want. 

Additionally, he would be persistent and unlikely to allow himself to be swayed by petty emotions. At first, this would be ironic considering that he would be yandere for you. Upon further inspection however, you might find out he “landed” himself in his obsession with you through a complex series of emotional acrobatics and mental gymnastics. Gilbert could be considered a genius at rationalising his emotional impulses and more unsavoury behaviour. To get back on track - he would be able to resist emotions that suddenly pop up, like boredom and anger and happiness. So don’t expect him to let you free just because of momentary boredom. Bigger emotions would first have to enter the rationalisation stage before he would act on them. And he wouldn’t tire of you easily, or be quick to be put off by any disgusting behaviour on your side. He would view you as work in progress and remind himself that growth isn’t always linear. There would be setbacks that he would have to work through with you and the like. Yet he would still be relentless, because never should you believe that you should be able to outlast or outwait him. 

Gilbert is also the sort that plans ahead. He would have the road to his desired destination mapped out and would consistently follow it. Chasing after vague morals wouldn't be his style, and even with courting you, he would treat his conquest of you in a military manner. Should matters not proceed as he would've foreseen, then he would simply adjust his tactics. He would have contingencies in mind and the power to execute them. If you throw something in his way, then he would have the wits to improvise on the spot. Should he speak of “the foreseeable future”, keep in mind that he is at least speaking of the next five years. 

On top of all that, he would be strict and unyielding. A man that compromises on his morals is a man that has already surrendered to the devil, in his point of view. As such, he wouldn't allow for any exceptions to the rules. No amount of pleading or begging or puppy eyes would prevent you from being punished if you cross the line. Also, you wouldn't be excused from leading a similarly spartan lifestyle. Should you come from money, then he would label you as a brat in need of humbling and be even harsher towards you. Being sugar-addled and spoiled would just mean that you would be in need of a reckoning, in his eyes. Also, too much comfort would ruin a person’s character, according to him (cough* Austria, cough*), so to save you from hell, damnation and all that jazz, he would have to unpack the drill sergeant for you. Mind you, there would be little that would hold him back from bullying you. Despite how many poems he would dedicate to you, how many horses and ships he would name after you and all his declaration of love, it would be easy to think that he’d hate you, with how he would treat you. In many ways, you would be childlike to him, and just like a child, you would be so prone to negative behaviours on the basis of them being “pleasurable”. He would be the one to guide you back on the right track. 

Something you'd also have to account for would be his controlling tendencies. While he would be very aware that the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry, it wouldn't prevent him from trying to have as much control over any situation as possible. You would be no exception here. Not that he would become anxious if he wouldn't be in control - it is more about ideal and prefered states. If he can't have full power, then he would settle with having the initiative.

Cornering - How would they get you?

Maybe the two of you would come into contact via other people. That could be through work, or club activities or through a shared friend group. Either way, the two of you would be obligated to interact with each other, regardless of your feelings with him. The mandated interaction with one another would give him the perfect excuse to grow closer to you, to even be mean at times, without him having to worry about you disappearing into thin air. You could bet your life on that he would make some off-colour remarks and do one or the other peculiar deed just to see how far he could push you. 

Such a dynamic would also allow him to reveal some of his true colours without you immediately running away. Besides, he would have people around to calm you and vouch for him. After all, at the end of the day, he is a credible, reliable and effective member of the group. People would much prefer to turn a blind eye than to lose him. If he would've a higher role in this little social circle, then he would be sure to use it to his advantage. Perhaps he'd be your trainer in a martial art, and use sparring as an excuse to throw you around. If he'd be harsher than usual, then it'd be due to him using the opportunity to punish you. Or he could be your superior, he would heap work load after work load on you, having to do the best and the worst tasks your occupation lets you. 

Depending on the circumstances, he might rope you into a mentor/mentee relationship with him. It would give him an excuse to grow all the closer with you, without people raising eyebrows due to how he'd enthral you to him. Such a foundation would also make you less suspicious when he'd reel you in. By the time you'd realise the true nature of this relationship, you'd already be in too deep and he would've already slammed the door shut. 

Exploring other ways he could entrap you - a more apparent display of his intentions comes to mind. Perhaps you are a civilian in an area under martial law, and he a captain of a battalion. Or you are a subversive social element, and he the agent tasked with shadowing and subduing you. Of course, you could be a hostage, a political prisoner or a genius that is kept in a gilded cage and he your warden. While there might be the professional barrier, he wouldn't be forced to be cordial with you. He could drag you by the hair where he'd want you to be, he could beat you into submission without any higher ups questioning his actions. Love isn't permitted in this dynamic, yet what he'd feel for you isn't love, strictly speaking. It would be much more twisted, much more violent and in a situation where the scales are tilted in his favour from the get-go, it would be more socially acceptable than sweet romance. The irony wouldn't escape him, and he'd muse about it while the two of you would do your morning exercises.

Expectations - What do they expect of you?

Gilbert would be rather unconventional here, owing to the fact that he'd be an unconventional man himself. At the top of his list of expectations would be honesty. This is not to be mistaken for always telling the truth - a person can tell nothing but the truth and be utterly devious and cunning. What this Beilschmidt would demand, would be honesty - no white lies or fibs or things that are true from a certain point of view. Even saying things that are true but don't pertain to the situation/question would be enough to set him off. Additionally, he wouldn’t take it well at all if you’d lie through permanent omision. Sure, he could be considerate and understand that you might need time and the view of a third party before you confront him, though you’d have to confront him eventually. If you’d keep your silence, if you’d complain about him behind his back, yet only smile sweetly when you’re with him, then he’d go berserk. You’d be allowed to kiss your freedom goodbye and enjoy a few weeks in a cellar, an attic or a cupboard. All in all, he would prefer that you’d be frank with your distaste of him instead of pretending to be enamoured with him. A German saying comes to mind: Wer einmal lügt, dem glaubt man nicht, auch wenn er die Wahrheit spricht. (You don’t believe a person who lies even once, even when he speaks the truth.)

Have some self-respect. Generally, that should be a fundamental requirement when having to interact with one Gilbert Beilschmidt because if you can’t stand your ground then he would simply steamroll over you. He’s the sort of man that would trigger people for fun. When it comes to you, this would apply in interesting ways. Gilbert would be very willing to play the part of drill sergeant and etiquette teacher if you aren’t already there yet. Just remember that you would save yourself a lot of trouble if you keep a good posture at all times, rarely whine or get drunk. Watch out, he would be very unforgiving in his crusade to teach you to be a better person. 

Next to that, you should have some resilience. Gilbert would hate people that break easily. In total, he would also loath sheltered people and hedonists, people who would recklessly chase after pleasure and comfort would disgust him. His idea of a nice date would be a camping trip at subzero temperatures and a fun evening would include some sparring (or a game of Monopoly). Should you be weak, then he would build you up and then call you his masterpiece. You'd continuously be reminded that you owe him, and he would want his debt repaid with interest. 

That being said, he wouldn't mind it if you're a bit rough around the edges. Some of your less vibrant traits might even be what would endear you to him in the first place. You're allowed to be rude, jaded, aggressive and much more and he would still be obsessed with you. Word of warning though - you should be prepared for him to meet you blow by blow. Beilschmidt would be confrontational by nature and wouldn't take anything lying down if he can help it. 

Tying a bit into the aforementioned traits would be a longing for competence. Yes, Gilbert would have a competence kink. If you excel in something, especially something useful and relevant, then he would be down hard. It would also ensure that he'd be softer to you. This would be a side effect of him being proud of you, and it would also cause him to be more likely to be indulgent towards you. Use the opportunity to make matters easier for you, be careful though - he would loath being used. Of course, you could gain more by giving him something in return. Your undying love, perhaps?

Faded - Would they let go of you in any way?

If you’d break, then he would throw you away. What should he do with the shell of the person he “loved”, if not dispose of them? Maybe he would play in the shards of who you once were for a bit, yet that would eventually lose its lustre. Maybe he would try to build you up again, his very own personal project. If it wouldn’t work, then he would kick you out. 

Aside from that, he could be coerced into giving you up in some form of “terms of surrender”. While he can be vile, he would abide by his word. Of course, he wouldn’t be happy with this and do everything in his power to get you back without violating the treaty. Also, this wouldn't prevent him from keeping tabs on you or even stalking you. You'd be absent, yet his obsession would persist. 

On a lighter and slightly crackish note - if you expose him to enough surreal art and actually manage to get him to engage with it, then he might enter a catatonic state and you'd be able to escape. He'd let you be until he'd have everything figured out again. This would be especially ironic since messing with other people's perception of reality would be one of his favourite forms of torture. Here you'd have a guy that would still be stuck in the Classical era - things would have to make sense for him.

Punishment - How would they proceed if you do something they disapprove of?

Oh boy, buckle up for you'd be in for a rodeo. 

If you're being particularly disagreeable, then he would provoke you into fighting him and proceed to wipe the floor with you. He'd throw you against the wall if you wouldn't be quick on your feet. Fighting dirty wouldn't be off limits for him, especially if you'd be very naughty. Sand in your eyes, hits to the throat and groin and ears. If you'd be present enough to remind him of a knight's gentlemanly code, then he might turn the violence down a few notches. A big emphasis on might, though. If it ain't combat, then he just might lay you over his knee and spank you with the flat side of his longsword. 

Another favourite of his would be hanging you by your feet from the rafters or a tree. He would say that you'd need a new perspective of matters, and that you'd then surely see the errors of your ways and the truth to his words and actions. Fainting wouldn't shorten your punishment - he'd just take you down until you wake up again and then put you back up. If anybody would ask, he'd make jokes about hanging you up to dry. 

Speaking of tying you up - another form of chastisement that he would use would be immobilisation. It could be through ropes or chains, or even the good old pillory. Gilbert would keep you there far longer than necessary, just to teach you a lesson. At times he would have you immobilised for durations that would be detrimental to your health. While he would treat you afterwards, he would be very mean while tending to you. On particularly bad days, he'd even go as far as to strap you down to a table to the extent that you'd only be able to move your eyes. If there's a way to induce sleep paralysis in another human being, then Gilbert would find out and inflict it on you. 

He wouldn't be more adverse to showing his more creative side if you'd force his hand. You could be his puppy for the evening, complete with a lead and a muzzle. For the rest of the day he'd force you to go on all fours and you wouldn't be allowed to use your hands (or feet) to eat. Act up, and he will take you to the vet. Or he could be the doctor and you his patient. Vaccinations would have to be updated, your blood analysed and he would be touching you everywhere to make sure everything is working as it should. Humiliation and practicality would go hand-in-hand here; it would also be completely hilarious to him. 

Or he would play the part of teacher and make you write lines on a board. He'd watch you the whole time, and you wouldn't get a break until you'd be finished. For more minor misdemeanours he'd slap you or yell at you for a bit. If he'd be particularly petty, then he'd allow you to sleep on the floor.

Reaction - How would they react to you escaping?

First course of action would be to sit down and put his head in his hands. Don’t panic, because panic causes people to make mistakes. Pen and paper would be whipped out, be it with high quality paper in his office or with a notebook while standing in public transport. His first instinct would be to order his chaotic thoughts by putting them to paper. He would consider what you could have done, where you could have done and which third parties would be involved in this debacle. Depending on the situation, you could be a victim of his wrath or not. If this whole escape happened in the form of a kidnapping, then he would be more lenient with you. During your rescue, he would also be far more desperate, and he would use the whole fiasco as an excuse to be even more controlling of you. 

As for actual escapes - you would be hunted down. The aim of the game would be to capture,consolidate and return you home. The whole operation would be executed with military ruthlessness, and perhaps there would even be a few deaths. If there would be something that can push Gilbert’s buttons, it would be you rebelling against his ordained order. Depending on whether or not you were pretending to love him, your punishment for escaping would vary. Putting up an act would result in you being banished to solitary confinement for weeks, while a petty escape would just result in a few corporal punishments. 

More time between your escape and him finding you again wouldn’t mellow him out. Indeed, he would become more irate, and frantic. Perhaps he would even go as far as to brand you when he would capture you if you haven’t been by his side for a few years. One of few hopes you could have at softening the blow would be to amuse him during your capture, perhaps even make him laugh. 

Should you escape him before the “loving relationship” could be properly established, then he would be even more obsessed and insane. With you removing yourself from the picture, precious few of his desires would have been fulfilled and he would be all the more starved for you and your affection. A thirsty man in the desert chasing after fata morganas would have nothing on him. You would pay an even higher price for tempting him so cruelly and still refusing to sate him. 

Turnabout - Scenario: You have the upper hand? What would be different from their usual MO?

Surprisingly, not much. Having more power than him wouldn’t amount much. Sure, it might make obtaining you trickier, though what does power matter if it isn’t used, or the circumstances dictate that you can’t use it. Besides, the quickest way to turn the tables would be to kidnap you and lay you in chains. While a king that is imprisoned in a dungeon is still a king, he doesn’t have any of his kingly power in such a situation. The same would apply to you. 

However, let’s assume that Gilbert can’t kidnap you for any reason, or that you legitimately have the circumstances firmly under your control. Being more powerful than him wouldn’t mean that he would be powerless. Perhaps he would enlist the help of another person - this would be one of the rare cases where he would be ready to share you for a while. Two can achieve more than one. Other than that, he would be no stranger to deception. Oh no, he wouldn’t lie, he would just play tricks and divert your attention and use subterfuge. Having power of your own wouldn’t mean that you would be immune to his, or have a countermeasure for every blow that he would deliver. 

Vengeance - What would they do in the face of competition?

Drench himself in their blood. Having been a templar and a knight and a pirate and so much more, Beilschmidt would be no stranger to killing. Any inhibitions that a person could have in regards to that would have long been dismantled. Asides, he would always feel most at ease with a gun or a sword in his hand, so he would delight in the opportunity to put his weapons to good use. On top of that - a lot of people just have big mouths and a lot of swagger. When faced with real competition those types would be quick to fold, and it would bring him great joy to be the one that would crush their spirits. Gilbert wouldn’t shy away from being messy about it - instead of law enforcement never finding the body, they would never stop finding the body. He can be petty like that. 

Next to that, he might even kidnap the one or the other obstacle and torture them. Or use them for live target practice. It could even be both on the same person - he would be horrible and bloodthirsty enough to do that. Of course, he could also use them for social experiments or practise brainwashing techniques on them. Here, he also would care much if the person is more powerful than him: Being a king or a priest or a president wouldn’t change that there would be red blood in their veins and that a knife could slit their throat just a well as by anybody else. Perhaps if the repercussions would be severe enough, then he wouldn’t, though there would be ways around that as well - the chaos of battle, challenges to a duel, or accidents. He would even be willing to side with his sworn enemies in order to get rid of such pests