#class i have so many thoughts and feelings

[sturniqlo]

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

summary: the new school year has officially begun and matt is meeting his new students; ellie's first day of school has finally arrived

cw: slight cursing, baby daddy drama (yes, already)

note: this series will be in first person pov and will change from matt to reader through the chapters, also 'y/n' won in my poll, but to not use 'y/n' as much, i've come up with 'goldie' as a nickname so ill be using both 'goldie' and 'y/n'! NOT PROOFREAD:/

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MATT

my alarms rang just in time, 5:30am. it was finally the day, it was the first day of the new school year. also meaning that it's my second year teaching kindergarten and teaching in general. my first year alone had gone great. before teaching a class all by myself, i was a teacher assistant for a fourth grade class. although it was great, i just thought i'd be better off teaching littler kids.

turning off my alarm, i laid in bed for a couple of minutes to fully wake up. as it sit up, it stretch and hear and feel the familiar cracking. for today, i was planning on getting to school early to set up a few things and decorate the class for the kids.

i had bought a few snacks but not before checking if i had any students with any food allergies. i only had one student who had a peanut allergy, so that meant no peanuts at all. when i had found that out, i was in school over the summer decorating my class, so i printed out a few signs that said 'PEANUT FREE CLASSROOM' and one on the door and a few around the class.

"morning, hun." i say as i feel the soft familiar fur against my leg as i stood up from bed. "gonna meet my new kids today, hun. can't wait to tell you all about em'." i crouch down to scratch her behind the ear as she purrs. "lets go get you some breakfast." the first thing i always do as soon as i get up from bed is serve hunny her breakfast and refill her water bowl.

as i walk out of my bedroom and make my way to the kitchen, i hear hunny meowing once she sees that im opening the cabinet that holds her food and treats. "yeah, yeah. i hear you." i chuckle, grabbing the bag of food. i pour her some dry food and top it off with some wet food. "there you go, hun."

i put her bag of food back in the cabinet before going back to my room to get a change of clothes to shower.

it was 6:17 by the time i had showered, changed, brushed my teeth and did my hair. entering my room, i throw my dirty clothes into the hamper and hang up my towel. hunny startled me by popping out from under the blanket on my bed. "shit— hunny." i shake my head.

"no, hun. you've had your breakfast already." i say as i move around the kitchen as hunny constantly meows for more food even though she still has some in her bowl. i sit at one of the stools at the small island counter and eat my breakfast as i scroll through my phone checking my email.

buried in my phone, i didn't notice just how fast the time was going until i looked at the time in the corner. 6:57. "shit—" i was behind schedule. i put my plate and cup in the sink— i'll wash them when i return home. running a hand through my hair, i make my way to my bedroom to get a pair of socks on.

"hunny, no." i grab sock that i had left on the bed before hunny had a chance to grab it, she has a things for socks. "you've already destroyed so many pairs of my socks, can't have you destroying them all." for most of the summer, hunny was the only person—cat— i talked to. that is one of the cons of living alone and being single. yeah i hung out with family and the couple of friends i have, but it's not the same of being able to have someone.

throughout the summer, i took one week and went on a mini vacation alone and left hunny with my parents. i stayed in a cabin in a small rural town. and for the rest of my summer, i dedicated it to making my teacher plans for the year. i've heard from several teachers that during the summer they only plan out the first quarter and plan the rest as the year goes.

i finished getting ready and gathering my things as i walk towards my front door. "see you later, hunny." i smile at the cat as i unlock the door. i lock the door behind me and head towards the elevator to get to the parking garage. "good morning, matt!" i hear a voice besides me. i turn my head and see marley, my elderly neighbor, standing next to me with her reusable grocery bags. "morning, marley. going shopping so early?" i ask and step in the elevator as the doors open.

"oh, you know me, i hate when the grocery stores are packed with people. i like getting there before opening time." she chuckles. "i'm with you there." i agree. "would you like a ride? i pass the grocery store as i go to work." she shakes her head. "oh no, dear. i'm okay, really. wouldn't want to make you late to work."

"really, marley. you won't make me late. school doesn't start for another hour and thirty minutes." she sighs and thinks about it. "well, if you insist, dear." she smiles. "of course."

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"have a good first day back to work, matt. and thanks for the ride!" marley waves as she steps out of the car. "anytime, marley. have a safe walk home. and let me know if the strawberries are any good here. got a bad batch the other day" i wave back. "will do!" marley nods and closes the car door making her way to the front door of the supermarket. i drive away once i see that she's made it in.

marley is such a sweet lady. i first met her as i was moving into the building. i was unpacking my boxes when my door bell rang followed by a soft knock. and when i opened the door, there she was holding a container of cookies. "hello! i'm marley, i live down the hall. wanted to come by and welcome you to the building!" and now, every other week she brings me any dessert or pastry she bakes. and this week is the week.

as i drive to the school, i can't help but feel a bit nervous. what if my new students hate me? or don't think im a good teacher? stop it, matt. i shake my head at myself. on the bright side, i finally get to put a face to every name on my roster. i have a smaller class this year of sixteen students, last year i had twenty five students.

when i arrive to school and park my car, it's 7:25am. only an hour and five minutes until showtime. i get out of the car and grab the bags i brought full of extra supplies. i swing my personal book bag on my shoulder and lock my car making my towards the teacher entrance.

"mr. sturniolo! welcome back! how was your summer?" i'm stoped by the principal of the school. "principal mcdaniels! my summer was great, it's good to be back though. how was yours?" i return the same enthusiasm. we both conversate for a few minutes until he lets me go set up. "i'll visit your class later in the day, have a good first day." i nod at his words. "you too!"

i make my way down the hall and make a left towards my classroom. putting the bag i was carrying in my left hand, my right hand reaches into my pocket to get my keys to unlock the door. i open the door and the automatic lights turn on. "less than an hour." i mumble to myself, going to my desk. i look around the class and see that the janitors must've stopped by in the past few days because some desks and chairs were out of place. quickly, i fix those and regroup all sixteen desks into groups of four.

from the bags i had brought, i take out the name tags for every students and tape them down on the desk. i also open up applesauce pouches and packs of goldfish and place one on every desk. kids like these snack, right?

as i'm putting up final decorations and set up the project on the white board, the intercom comes on. "good morning and welcome back, faculty and staff! from the kindness of principal mcdaniels, there is coffee, tea, hot chocolate and pasties in the teachers lounge! please feel free to stop by and grab what you'd like! good luck and happy first day back!"

happy first day back indeed.

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GOLDIE

"ellie bellie, wake up, sleepyhead." i circle my hand across ellie's back. her hands were tucked under her cheek and she had slight drool dripping out of her mouth. "it's the first day of kindergarten! isn't that so exciting?!" i say a bit louder this time. no movement from her. "ellie." i drag out her name, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear that came undone from her braid. she was a mover at night. it was no surprise considering the fact that she never stopped moving in my belly.

i run my finger over her face, caressing it. as i jokingly tickle her pouty lips. she takes out her right hand and rubs her eyes. "mommy?" her voice cracks, but still squeakier than usual. "i'm here, ells." i smile as her eyes flutter open. "is it time for school?" she yawns. "mhm, it's seven o'clock already. we've got to get you ready. we don't want to be late on your first day, now do we?" i giggle, slightly tickling her tummy as she had rolled on to her back.

"mommy!" she giggles squirming around. "what?! is it too early for tickles?" ellie nods, pushing my hand away. "okay, okay. c'mon, let's get you up and brush that crazy hair of yours." i get up from her bed and make my way out the door. "meet me in the bathroom."

i give ellie a moment to fully wake up before she's walking into the bathroom. one of the legs to her princess pajama pants was up to her knee while the other one was still in place. "ready?" i say with her brush in my hand. "mhm!" she hops on to her stool her hold on to the countertop. "brush your teeth while i do your hair, baby."

five minutes later, her teeth are brushed and her hair is in two pigtails. "alright, now that your look even more beautiful, do you want to get into your outfit or eat breakfast first?" i run my fingers through one of her pigtails. "uhm— breakfast first? i'm hungry."

"okay, breakfast it is then."

ellie hops down the stairs as i follow behind her into the kitchen. "what do you want to eat, ellie?" i open up the fridge. "white spaghetti with chicken!" i laugh at her request. "baby, it's to early for chicken alfredo. how about i make that when you get out of school?" i can already see the pout forming on her face. "fine. i'll eat pancakes and bacon." she huffs out.

"i promise i'll make your chicken alfredo for dinner, okay?" i grab the ingredients for breakfast. i grab three eggs, one for the pancake mix and two for me since ellie doesn't like the taste of eggs. "eggs?" she sticks her tongue out at the sight of them. "yes, ells. but, it's for me and the pancake mix." i clarify. "i can't taste it in the pancake, right?" she says, leaning her elbows on the counter. "nope, you can't."

"okay, good."

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"is daddy coming to drop me off with you?" ellie says as she takes a bite of her bacon. i almost scoff that the mention of her father. "i'm sure he will." i smile at her trying to give her some reassurance. in reality, i haven't heard from him at all this morning. i pick up my phone and open my messages to shoot him a text.

me

hey, it's almost time to drop ellie off. are you going to make it?

vincent

nah.

it's to early. so if you will, please let me go back to sleep and stop blowing my phone up.

is he being serious right now? ellie had been waiting for the moment that me and her dad will be in the same vicinity for more than five minutes. usually he would pick her up from my place and the most we'd speak to each other without arguing was a simple hello.

me

what the hell, vincent? you know she wants you there. can you not do a simple act of showing up for your own daughter?

vincent

y/n, please. it's too early in the morning for this shit.

me

whatever, i hope your sleep is worth it for you to miss ellie's first day of school

i turn off my phone without bothering to see what his response was. "was that daddy?" i hear ellie say across from me. "oh, yeah. he can't make, i'm sorry ells." i frown, feeling the sadness already radiating off of her. "why can't he come?" she pushes her unfinished plate away. i can't tell her the truth, i just can't. "he had to go to work early." is the first thing that spills out from my mouth. "oh." we finish breakfast in silence. "but, auntie willow will be there, you'll have us." ellie nodded, still looking a bit bummed out and i don't blame her.

"why don't you go put your uniform on, yeah?" i give her a slight smile trying to lift her mood up. "okay." she says, hopping off her chair and making her way to the stairs. i grab our dirty dishes and bring them to the sink, i'll wash them when i return home.

trying to ignore my anger towards vincent and my heartache for ellie, i make a mental to do list for things to do once i return home. it'll be my first day without ellie. yeah, there was a couple of times where her dad took her out for a while, but it was never for more than two hours. a whole eight hours at school is going to be torture.

however, with ellie starting school, that means i'm able to go back to work in the office. ever since ellie was born, i've been working from home editing pictures for one of the biggest photography business in the city. i was lucky enough to have this accommodation for this many years. i officially go back next week.

"mommy, i'm sorry. i ruined my hair." she walks into the kitchen with one ponytail instead of two. i giggle. "it's okay, c'mere ill fix it." i lean against the island counter and take the hairtie as she holds it out and proceeds to turn around in front of me. "tell me, baby. how are you feeling about starting school." i gather the loose hair on the right side. "i'm excited. i want to meet my teacher and— and make friends. do you think my classmates will like me?"

"of course they will. you're so nice, funny, smart and caring. you're very lovable, ellie belly." i tighten the pigtail and smooth it out. as she begins to respond, there's a knock at the front door. i gasp at her. "it's auntie wills!" her face lights up and she points to the door asking for permission to go open it. "go ahead, babe." she smiles and runs to the door.

"oh em gee! look at you ellie belly! you look like a big girl who i starting kindergarten today!" i hear willow say to ellie. "that's because i am, auntie wills!" i see willow with ellie on her hip enter the kitchen. "hey goldie! how you feelin'? she's all grown up, if you blink fast enough she'll be graduating high school, getting a boyf—" i toss a kitchen towel at her face. "hey— stop that! she hasn't even started the school day." i laugh.

"i'm kidding, im kidding!" she puts ellie down and she runs off somewhere in the house. "so, is villain vincent coming today?" she leans against counter next to me as i wash the pan from this morning's breakfast. "don't even get me started." i scoff and she gasps. "is he not coming? that fucking— ugh!" she groans. "tell me about it! he said it was too early to go to it. like he knows how much she wanted him there. it's the least he could do for her since he barley comes around."

"i wish you would let me punch him in the face, goldie. gosh— he pisses me off so much."

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"alright, ellie! i love you so so so much! have fun, okay? and remember you're so smart and kind. i'll be here to pick you up." i caress her cheeks as we stand near the stairs to the school entrance. "i love you too, mommy." she smiles. i press a kiss to her cheeks.

willow gets a chance to say her words of encouragement to her. "and remember, ellie. if someone pushes you, you push them harder. if someone punches you, you punch them har—" i cut her off. "alllriight— let's not encourage violence. c'mon ellie, let's get you in."

"i love you ellie! have fun!" willow says to her as i walk with ellie up the stairs. "good morning, you two!" a lady says at the front door. "good morning!" i say back with a smile. "whats her name?" she says with a clipboard in her hard. "it's elora. elora y/l/n." she nods and flips through several pages until she finds her name. "perfect, she's in room 111! i can take her from here. it makes it easier to prevent last minute tears." she whispers the last part. "oh, of course. thank you so much."

"c'mon, elora. let's go see your teacher. say bye to your mom." ellie looks up at me and i see her lips slightly tremble. "hey, hey, no tears, okay? you're going to have so much fun and make friends!" her mood changes instantly. gosh, her moods switch so fast. "okay, no tears." she says.

ellie goes off with the lady whose name i didn't catch. i turn back and walk towards willow. "okay, let's her going before i begin to sob!" i blink fast so my tears won't fall. "fuck— oops, children around, me too i'm about to cry." i still can't believe my baby is starting school. i kept her home from preschool as i wanted to teach her the basics. plus, i also thought she was too young to start school at four.

"so, how does coffee sound?"

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MATT

it was officially that time. although it was a bit before 8:30, my new students began to make it down the hall and into my classroom with the help of staff. because they were kindergartners and possibly being away from their parents or guardians for the first time, staff had to bring them in the building without their adult to prevent any tantrums or crying. and it worked, there weren't any tantrums.

"hey, there! i'm mr.sturniolo! what's your name, bud?" i crouch down to level down with the curly headed kid. "h-hi, im peter." he gives me a shy smile. "well its very nice to meet you peter." i smile at him and check his name off of my attendance list. flipping the page up on my clipboard, i see what table he's sitting at. "alright, peter. you are sitting in the red table right over there." i point towards the table closest to the windows. "just look for your name and you can take a seat. there's also some snacks on your desk."

peter nods and walks away with his bookbag, looking around at the other few kids who were seated. over the summer, i sent out a survey to the parents of what their kids knew and didn't know. luckily for me, all of my kids knew how to spell and read their name, they knew their colors, alphabet and numbers.

i was checking through my attendance and realized half of my class was already here before 8:30. "hello, good morning!" i heard a voice. i put my clipboard down by my side and see a little girl standing in front of me with a big smile. "good morning! i'm mr.sturniolo! and who might you be?" i say with a smile. "my name is ellie!" her pigtails swing with her excitement. i look down at my clipboard and don't see an ellie, but an elora.

"elora? is that you, sweetie?" i ask. "oh— yes! my name is elora, but my mommy, my auntie, and everyone else calls me ellie!" i chuckle. "okay, would you like me to call you ellie? is that okay?" i check her name off of the paper, and she nods. "alright ellie, your desk is at the purple table, just look for your name." i give her a smile. "okay, mr.sturn— um." she stumbles her words. "sturniolo." i help her out. "mr.sturniolo!" she giggles. "if it's easier, you can call me mr.s!"

"okay, mr.s!" she smiles and goes off to the purple table.

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"okay, kiddos! it seems like everyone is here!" i say as the close shuts behind me. i walk up to my desk and put my clipboard down. "good morning everyone! as i mentioned, my name is mr.sturniolo or if it might be a bit difficult to say, you can call me mr.s!" i look at ellie as i say that and she smiles. "welcome to kindergarten! raise your hand if you're excited to start school." as i say that, hands fly up.

not sure if they'll be saying that in a few weeks.

"breakfast should be here in a couple of minutes, but you guys are more than welcome to eat the snack i left on your desk." i look around and see a few kids have started to open their snacks.

"um, mr.s?" i hear a small voice say. i look to my right and see tommy—im a quick learner with names— holding up his goldfish. "yeah?" i walk over to him. "can you help me open this?" he hands it to me. "of course, bud!"

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it was a couple of minutes after the kids had finished their breakfast, the lunch ladies came in with bagged breakfasts earlier, i was now holding up a big trash bag calling up each table one by one to throw their trash away. "thank you mr.s." ellie said to me for simply holding up the bag, i've learned that she has really good manners. her parents must've taught her that. "of course, ellie."

after i had collected all of the trash, i set the tied trash bag outside of the classroom so it'd be picked up by mabel or pete, the janitors from this side of the school.

it's now time for the day to actually begin.

"okay kiddos! because it's the very first day of school, we are going to do something easy today. does that sound good?" i hold up both of my thumbs and look around seeing everyone slightly nod. "sounds great! now, i have a question. who here wants to make friends?" i hear a few me's.

"does someone have any idea how we can get to know everyone in this class? raise you hand if you think you know." i wait a few seconds before i see ellie raise her hand. "yes, ellie?"

"um, maybe by talking with everyone?" she says shyly when she sees a few heads have turned towards her. "good, yes! that's a way we can make friends." i smile and nod at her. "so, i have a game we're going to play. i am going to say a letter from the alphabet, and if your name starts with that letter—" i walk to my desk and grab a deck of flash cards with each letter from the alphabet on them. "you'll stand up, say you name, favorite color and something you want the class to know about you. it can be anything you are comfortable sharing. and if nobody's name starts with a certain letter, we can list things that do start with that letter."

i look around and see everyone in agreement. "okay, are we ready to start?" i ask as i flip through the cards making sure they're in order. "alright. first letter— can everyone repeat after me? A." i hold up the card with the letter A on it.

"A!" their little voices fill up the space. "great job! one more time! A!" i say and they repeat the letter once more. "good, good. now, if your name starts with the letter A, stand up." two girls stand up. alexia and amy. "my name is alexia! i— my favorite color is pink. and um— i like to draw doggies and kitties!"

we get to the letter e, having to list things for the letter B and D. "next is the letter E!" they say the letter after me and ellie stands up right after. "hi, my name is elora, but i like ellie better. my favorite color is baby blue. and my favorite animal are cats and i really want one for a pet."

continuing through the game, we stumble across the letter M and i stand up from my chair that stood in front of the room. "okay, my name is matthew, but i prefer matt, my favorite color is blue and i have a pet cat named hunny." there were a few gasps from the kids as they found out my actual name wasn't mr.sturniolo and i explained to them that it's my last name and that's what they have to call me by.

the game soon wrapped up and everyone was more comfortable with talking to one another.

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it was thirty minutes before dismissal and i was about to give them their last activity for the day. after we had finished the name/alphabet game, i sent them to their assigned cubbies so they'd put their bookbags and sweaters away. a few more hours later, it was lunch time and i took them to the lunch room and came back to my class for my break.

now, i'm passing around blank sheets of paper, crayons, markers and coloring pencils. "alright, before we leave. i want all of you guys to draw some flowers. why flowers? well, when flowers grow, they bloom. and each one of you are slowly growing— blooming into strong boys and girls just like flowers." as i pass everything out, i go back to my desk and turn on the desk project to project my drawing of flowers in a vase on the board. "this is an idea of how you guys can do it. and it does not have to be exactly like mine. have fun with it and make it pretty."

with that, everyone got to work.

it was five minutes before i had to line the kids up for dismissal and the class and i had just finished putting the coloring pencils, markers and crayons away. "okay everyone! you can go ahead and put your drawing in your take home folder. and once you've done that, please form a line at the door."

once everyone was situated with their bookbag on and lined up at the door, i began to explain how dismissal will work. "whenever you see your adult, let me know and i will give you a paper that has to go to them, alright?" they all nodded and the bell rang. "alright, let's go!"

the kids followed behind me and i held the stack on papers in my hand. it was a form for their parent or guardian to sign about meeting one on one with me throughout next week.

we neared the school doors that were behind held open by two staff members, there was a crowd of parents outside waiting for their child. "mr. s! i see my dad!" tommy got my attention. "yeah? alright, give this to him. i'll see you tomorrow, tommy!" i handed him a paper and he went off to his dad who stood not to far.

one by one each kid got picked up. "mr. s! my mom is over there!" ellie said to me, pointing towards the gates as a two women walked in. "okay, ells. make sure she get this, okay?" i give her a paper. "okay, i'll give it to her!" she smiled taking the paper in her hold. "alright, ellie! have a good rest of your day, i'll see you tomorrow!"

five minutes later, all of my kids got picked up and i headed back inside to straighten up my class and get my belongings to head on home.

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"hey, hunny." i cooed as i walked in my apartment and heard hunny begin to meow. "mhm, good first day today. thank you for asking, hun." i crouched down to scratch the back of her ear, not bothering to put my bags down.

i stood back up and walked into the living room putting my bags on the couch. walking towards my kitchen, i flicked the light on and opened the fridge to get my pitcher of cold water. i chugged down a glass of water and headed to my room to change into some lounging clothes.

i'd say that today was a good first day.

as i finished changing, there was a slight knock at the door. walking out my room, i went towards my front door and opened it to reveal marley. "matt! i heard you come in a little while ago. thought i'd come by to drop these off. they're oatmeal cookies. i made them earlier today." she held a container of a dozen cookies. "thank you so much marley. would you like to come in?" i retrieved the container from her. "oh, i would love to, but my grandbabies are on their way over!"

we conversated for a bit at the door before she went back down the hall.

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GOLDIE

"oh, my baby! how was your first day?" i crouched down as ellie came running to me. "it was so much fun, mommy! oh, here this is for you." she gave me a paper

dear parents/guardians,

as the school year has just begun. i would like to meet with you one on one sometime next week to discuss the school year and what your child will be learning. this is a great opportunity to get to me, your child's teacher, and i will get to know you and your child a bit more and see what support is needed from me.

please choose a day and time(s) for a meeting next week after school and have your child return it no later than friday. if you are unavailable to meet with me, please email me at msturniolo@sunrisevalley.edu to discuss other options. i look forward to meeting you.

- matthew sturniolo

"what's that?" willow asked as we walked out of the school yard back to the car. "oh, just to make an appointment to meet one on one with her teacher next week." i shrugged. we made it to the car and i put the paper in ellie's bookbag so i wouldn't crumble it. "guess what's ready for you back home, ellie?" i smile at her as i buckle her in. "white speggeti and chicken?!" she beamed. "mhm, it was ready right before we left to sure it was hot and ready for when you got back home." "yay!" she cheered.

i'd say she had a good first day.

────˗ˏˋ authors note ˎˊ˗────

omg!! how do we feel about this?! sorry i've gone for so long😔 i lowk lost motivation but i wrote this bit by bit throughout the weeks i've been gone. i will try my best to keep up with this series that i genuinely want to write it :D

[bluewxrld07]

Hollow (Luke Hughes)

Summary: Y/N thought she mattered to Luke in more ways than one. Yet that all changes when he makes a choice that has her feeling betrayal and heartbreak.

Warning(s): She's an angsty one, tears, starvation, negative feelings, self-doubt, bed-rotting, showing some love to our boy Ethan Edwards because he's bestie

Y/N lets out a huff as she shuts her laptop closed, rubbing her forehead as she yawns. She looks at the time to see it's almost five in the evening, causing her to jump up from her seat and pack up her stuff.

It was NHL draft day. Luke's draft year specifically. She wanted to be there on the special day to help celebrate, but he assured her it would just be low-key with his brothers and parents which she happily respected. So she chose to stay with some of the hockey boys back at the Hockey house that had to stay for classes like her, to watch the draft in the living room.

As she walked back to the house from campus she would keep checking her watch to make sure she wouldn't be late, as she promised she'd watch from start to finish.

To say Luke was nervous was an understatement. There was a probability that he'd play with Jack in Jersey, and there was a chance he would be in the top five overall picks in the first round which made him more nervous.

Her and Luke have been the closest of friends since Y/N could remember. Their families having lived next door to one another since Quinn was born, making Y/N one of the honorary family members of the Hughes group. She had seen it all.

She remembered the day she had convinced him to stick with Hockey when he was having his doubts. The day he walked out of the UMich arena because he felt like he couldn't take the pressure. She bursted into that house later that night to get his head out of his ass and show what kind of potential he held.

She was there through every single moment, and she couldn't be more proud of him.

"The party is here!" she yells out as she opens the front door, shutting it behind her and setting her backpack down.

The few boys that were there all let out hums and warm greetings, some giving her hugs as she came and sat on the couch. Rutger's girlfriend squeezed her tight as she sat next to her. "You nervous?" she asks.

Y/N shrugs. "A little, but he's got it in the bag." Y/N assures, thanking one of the boys who handed her a plate of food and a water bottle.

Her phone begins to buzz which causes her to set the stuff down and pick it up. She smiles and graciously slides to answer the call.

"You guys ready to go?" Y/N says in an exciting manner.

"Oh always! Have you met me, Y/N?" Ethan jokes, taking a sip of his soda as he pans the phone to show Duke, Jacob, Luca and Frank. Y/N frowns as she sees the background, noticing it looks a little familiar.

"Where are you guys at?" she asks, making Ethan put a finger up to signal to give him a second. "We're with the man himself, of course. Where else?"

The phone switches over to show Luke standing over by some of the other familiar faces of their friend group and conversing. Her eyes didn't miss how the one girl Luke had been off and on with was there. Y/N's stomach drops a little more.

"Oh," she says a little deflated. "I thought it'd be just him and his family." she says, not really wanting to sound as upset as she felt.

Ethan frowns at her in confusion. "Oh no he's been planning this since he found out he would be drafted. Wanted it to be a big party and what not! Jack and Us have been helping him get it put together since day one. He wanted as many of the important people in his life as he could get that weren't busy." Ethan explains, making her heart drop even more.

Had she really not meant that much to him as she thought?

Y/N tries to fight back the tears in her eyes, not knowing how to react. "I gotcha. It's just when I asked him he said he was just having it be him and his family, so he told me not to worry about coming. He said it was a lowkey thing." she admits, making Ethan stop chewing the food he was eating and look at her in shock.

"Wait what? He's been telling everyone he wanted it to be a big thing," he says, watching her face fall. "Sweetheart I'm sorry I swear I had no idea. I thought you were busy with classes otherwise I would've asked." Ethan apologizes.

Y/N just nods and puts up a fake warm smile. "Not a big deal, Eddy I promise I'll talk to you guys tomorrow yeah? Go be with the big guy." she half-heartedly jokes.

"Y/N-"

"Go enjoy the night Ethan, okay?"

He just sighs and nods before Y/N hangs up the phone. She sets it on the coffee table in front of her, staring into space. She began to chew at her nails, a nervous habit of hers.

A nudge on her shoulder made her snap out of it and look over to see Rutger's girlfriend frowning. "You okay?" she asks, and Y/N just nods with a fake smile.

"Oh shit here it is! Let's go Lukey boy!" Rutger yells out to the side of the couch, causing cheers and howls to come out.

"With the fourth overall pick, the New Jersey Devils select, from the USA Development program, Luke Hughes."

Everyone bursts out into cheers except Y/N. She watches as they all are going ballistic, she sees the TV transition over to where Luke sat. He was sat with his brothers, parents and grandparents next to him while there was an entire large crowd behind him going crazy.

Rutger's cheers silent slightly as he looks at Y/N whom looks like her entire world had fallen apart, trying to fight tears in her eyes and biting her nails which he knew was something she did to prevent from having an attack.

He watches as she slowly gets up and walks her plate and drink into the kitchen. Rutger soon follows.

Hearing soft sobs leaving the kitchen causes his speed to rise, seeing her hands holding onto dear life on both sides of the kitchen counter. Her head had fallen in front of her and he could tell her body was shaking as she cried.

"Y/N?" He asks cautiously, causing her head to snap up and wipe her eyes while turning the faucet.

"Um ye-yeah, yeah? What's up?" she says, not turning to face him.

"Turn around."

"I'm washing my plate-"

"Turn around now."

She sighs as she turns off the water, slowly turning to face Rutger. He sees her eyes bloodshot and red, making his chest deflate.

"What's going on?" he asked as he walked over to her to pull her into a tight hug. She wraps her arms around him.

"Nothing it's not a big deal. I'm just being dramatic." she says to soften the blow.

"Clearly it's not if you're this upset. Why're you upset?"

"I just thought I mattered to him," she admits with a hiccup. "I don't get it."

He frowns as he looks down at her. "What do you mean?"

"Luke," she says. "He told me not to worry about doing something for his draft day. Said it was just only going to be him with his family and that was it."

Rutger felt his chest tighten, knowing that Luke had been boasting about wanting his draft party to be a big get together. He talked about it to the team for weeks.

"Oh Y/N," he sighs, hearing her sniffle into his chest.

"What hurts is I know that people can go from people I know to people I don't," she says. "But I never thought he would be one of them. I thought I mattered more than that."

Rutger just lets her cry and word vomit it all out, feeling her body shake in his arms.

"And I feel like shit that I'm crying over this. I just felt like I was important to him. I care so much about him, Rut. I don't even know what to do." she sobs.

His girlfriend walks into the kitchen a frown on her face as she sees her friend sobbing in Rut's arms. She hurries over and takes Y/N into her arms.

"Bring her up into my room for now. I'll come grab you guys in a bit." he mutters to her and she nods, leading Y/N up the stairs. Y/N turns back to Rutger.

"Please Rut," she begs. "Don't tell him anything. Don't ruin his big night. Do that for me please. Make sure the boys do too. I can't do it right now. Please. He deserves this big night to celebrate. I want him happy."

Rutger hesitantly nods before the girls resume leaving. He pulls out his phone, scrolling through his contacts and pressing the call button when he finds who he was looking for.

The phone answers on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey it's Rut. I need some advice."

"Why, what's going on?"

"I think Luke may have fucked up," he says looking back over to where Y/N had once stood in tears. "Yeah I think he fucked up big time."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The friend group was getting worried.

It had been almost an entire two weeks since draft day, and Y/N hadn't been seen since draft night.

Once Rutger finished talking with Quinn, he had gone up to his room to see Y/N was sound asleep in his girlfriend's arms. The next morning when he went to check in on her, she was gone.

Nobody had seen or heard from her since that night, and they were all worried.

Ethan and the other boys were finally back on campus as well, becoming concerned after hearing how Y/N reacted to what had been said.

When they had gone over to her dorm her roommate had said she hadn't been back in a while, causing them to worry more because they didn't know where else she could be.

They knew that she would never miss her classes, but Duke had also pointed out that most of her stuff was online and remote since there were no summer school classes she could take for teaching.

Luke on the other hand had been going insane.

After his draft night, he was concerned not hearing from her. He had received a text message from her on draft night at almost three in the morning.

So proud of you.

That was all she wrote, but she had been silent since.

He became more stressed out when all of the boys had driven out to the bakehouse, only seeing Y/N wasn't with them. She always came with them after classes got done.

"What do you mean you haven't seen her?" he asks.

"I don't know man she's been MIA. Nobody has seen her in days, her roommate said she hasn't been back at her dorm. She isn't answering anyone's calls."

Luke runs his hand through his hair, the other staying planted on his hips. "Well why would she just stop answering anyone? That's not like her at all!"

The boys just shrug, knowing that it was best not to tell him why. Especially after Rutger had told them Y/N specifically begged them to not tell him and to let it be.

"I'm gonna lose my shit." he scoffs with a half-hearted chuckle.

"I don't really think you have the right to be freaked out about this, man." Ethan slips out, getting an elbow to his stomach from Rutger's girlfriend along with a shush.

Luke whips his head around, narrowing his eyes. "What the fuck do you mean, Edwards."

"What I mean, is that you lied to her face." he says.

"Ethan no." Duke says sternly, Ethan scoffs. "No guys, I'm sick of this."

Ethan turns back towards Luke. "You lied to her, Luke. Why would you lie to her? After all, she was your biggest supporter." he admits, making Luke's entire face fall and turn white.

"What?"

"You lied to her about your draft night. You should've just had the balls to say she wasn't invited, man. Not lie and say it was family only."

Luke felt his heart drop to his ass.

He couldn't even say he forgot about that conversation with her, because she had brought up putting something together multiple times.

He didn't even have an excuse for it.

"So if you really think that that didn't break her heart, seeing all those people there, seeing how blatantly you lied to her face about it, then I don't know what to tell you."

Luke stood there silently, rubbing his hand over his mouth. "Why didn't any of you tell me?" he says softly, trying not to explode.

"She begged us not to, Lukey. She didn't want to take away from your big night. She knew how big of a deal it was, and she felt like she shouldn't be making a big deal of it." Rutger explains.

Luke scoffs and shakes his head, looking down at the floor. "She means more than someone calling my name out for a draft pick! You fucking tell me!" he snaps loudly, making the boys all flinch at his tone.

Ethan doesn't budge, but advances towards Luke with his finger pointed at him.

"Then why fucking act like she doesn't matter? Lie to her fucking face and go behind her back for weeks?" Ethan pushes back.

"You better watch yourself Eddy-"

"No, you're not gonna fucking tell me to watch myself! If I'm gonna be pissed off, I'm gonna be pissed of on her behalf because she's choosing not to be! Have some fucking balls Luke!" Ethan rages, getting pulled back from Luke who is flaring just as bad.

"I didn't fucking mean to! I don't know why I did it okay? Is that what you want to fucking hear?" Luke admits loudly, the house going quiet.

"You're a fucking-"

"Enough!"

Rutger's girlfriend shouts out, putting herself between the group and Luke.

She puts her hands up to both sides, pointing over to the group. "You boys need to get a fucking grip! She would not approve of the attack happening right now, as she told me on our way over here to specifically not do that," and she turns to Luke with a finger pointed. "You need to figure out how you're going to fucking explain yourself. I've never seen her this hurt."

Luke narrows his eyes at her. "Wait, wait, wait. You've spoken to Y/N? Today?" he calls out.

She puts her hands down and keeps her composure as she crosses her arms.

"Yes I have. I saw her yesterday-"

"Kayleigh why the fuck-"

"Don't start! She only wanted me knowing because she knew I'd be able to keep my mouth shut!"

"Where is she then?" Luke asks.

Kayleigh hesitated for a moment. "She's home."

"She's home??? As in she's been next door this whole time??" he bursts out, beginning to walk towards his front door.

"Don't even think about going over there right now!" she burst back, causing Luke to stop in his tracks.

"No I need to see her-"

"Luke not now," she warns. "I'm going over there with Ethan. She specifically asked for me to bring him over while you guys are all out. I wasn't even supposed to say anything today, but you gave me no choice as we see."

Luke scoffs. "So you guys are going to go out, sort your shit out as boys, and I'm going to go see her. See if she's ready." she explains before looking at Ethan.

"Let's go."

Ethan nods before following the blonde out the front door and next door.

Meanwhile, Y/N was inside her bedroom with the curtains shut. She hadn't moved, hadn't left her room since she got in two weeks ago.

Her face was puffy, yet also so hollow. She couldn't bring herself to stomach much, always feeling a sickening type of way every time she thought back to Luke.

She felt so hurt. Betrayed. Used. Depressed. She soon felt so much at once that she became numb. Her thoughts were telling her she was being dramatic, insecure, clingy. Anything to invalidate how she felt.

She hadn't changed out of her sweats and oversized tshirt she had gotten home, not feeling the need to do it since she wouldn't leave her house. The motivation to move was hard for her to do. Her hair was knotted, not caring how it looked. She didn't have anyone she cared to impress anymore.

Not that Luke would ever look her way like that.

A few knocks on her door had made her snap out of her thoughts, hearing her door creak open. "Knock, knock." Rutger's girlfriend's voice boomed in softly.

Y/N didn't move. Didn't mutter a word. Didn't show any sign of living except for the breathing of her chest.

"I brought a guest," she announced, Y/N soon seeing Ethan come into view. Y/N's eyes met his, watching his demeanor falter completely as he looked over her face.

"Oh sweetheart." Is all he has to say, causing Y/N to burst into tears that she didn't know she still had.

Ethan immediately climbs into bed next to her and holds her close as she lets out what she could. His eyes look up from Y/N's figure to Kayleigh. The look on his face showed murder in his eyes towards Luke, making the blonde nod to understand she knows.

Once the girl was calm and quiet in Ethan's arms, that was when he chose to speak. "How're you doing? Dumb question, I know." he says, trying to lighten the mood slightly. Y/N stayed still and didn't say anything, just shrugged her shoulders.

"Haven you eaten?"

She shook her head.

"Have you left your room?"

She shakes her head again.

"Have you showered today?"

She shook her head one last time.

Ethan sighs as he hugs her close before pulling away slightly to look down at her.

"This isn't good for you, sweets," he says with sad eyes. "I know you're hurting, I know." he says, rubbing her arm. "But we gotta start somewhere. He's an asshole, and I'm not going to let him ruin your days any longer. I'm going to get you up and moving. Today." he explains, making her freeze which he felt.

"Y/N."

"No."

Her voice is scratchy and rough, but he hears the fire in her voice.

"Y/N don't make me make you."

"You told me to bring Ethan over, love. You should've known he wasn't going to leave till he's got you going." Kayleigh says with a light chuckle.

Y/N huffs, not moving from her spot.

"If you don't get up, I'm making you take a bath in the pool."

Y/N's puffed eyes meet his with a glare.

"You wouldn't."

Ethan gave her daring eyes, and she just glares back at him. "Y/N I don't want him to be the reason you quit. I don't want you giving up period. I love you, but you need to get up. This is the summer before senior year. The one summer you vowed would be our best summer yet, remember?"

Y/N just looks down.

"You deserve the absolute world. I'll be damned if you let Luke's dumbass decisions get in the way of it." He says, his eyes pleading for her to give in.

Y/N's eyes leave his and looks at Kayleigh. She sheepishly nods. "I think he's right, honey. You deserve to make the best out of the summer. We can make it happen." she adds, earning an agreeing hum from Ethan.

Y/N starts to debate in her mind, before sighing.

"Okay."

Ethan's face breaks out into a large grin, soon perking up in her bed. "Good because now I can happily do this without feeling as bad."

"Doing what-"

Before she can argue, Ethan grabs her and throws her over his shoulder and runs out of her room. She's yelling out in protests and hitting his back, ass, shoulders and wherever else she can reach.

"Ethan I swear I will never talk to you again if you do this!"

"Oh you would never! You love me too much!"

"Ethan no! Kayleigh!" she shouts out in hopes the blonde will be on her side.

"I love you I swear, Y/N!" she sings out, earning an awe faced Y/N

Ethan opens the sliding door to Y/N's house while ignoring her protests. "Ethan no, come on! Put me down!" she shouts, Ethan adjusting her in his hold. Now he held her in his arms bridal style, running towards her pool.

"One!"

"Ethan-"

"Two!"

"I swear if you-"

"And three, in we go!"

Before she can argue anymore, she lets out a yelp as Ethan lets out a howl in excitement while jumping in with her in his arms.

As they resurface, Y/N has the biggest pout on her face along with furrowed brows as Ethan is laughing across from her. She splashes him harshly, earning a squeal from the boy as he splashes her back.

He kept splashing her playfully until he finally heard her giggles breakthrough the shouting and cussing at him, making him stop and let her whip her head back at him.

He just smiles in triumph at her. "There's the smile I know." he says before pulling her in for a hug.

Y/N freezes for a second, soon wrapping her arms around him tightly. Grateful she had friends like Ethan and Kayleigh to give her the tough love they did.

Little did she realize that a certain curly-headed blonde stood over in his own yard with a frown on his face at the interaction he watched, wishing he didn't mess up as badly as he did.

He had to think of a way to make it up to her, and think fast.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Absolutely not."

"Please Y/N? Everyone misses you and has been worried sick about you. Even if it's a quick visit."

"No I'm not going over there. I can't."

Ethan sighs. "You know you're going to have to face him eventually. He's not going to let it go. He's been going crazy without you."

Y/N just looks at her lap. "I don't think I can face him, Eddy. I don't even know what to say to him."

"Look, as much as I'm absolutely ticked at him, I'm going to also back him up and say he really has been losing his mind without you around." he admits.

Y/N just shrugs her shoulder, picking at her nails. "We all miss you, Y/N/N."

"I know, and I miss you all too. It's just hard for me to walk in like I haven't been MIA."

"I'll be honest, when I went back over there I told them that if I could get you over that, that they need to not bombard you. I know you'd be more uncomfy if they did otherwise."

Ethan leans forward to look at her more seriously. She looks back up at him. "Just try at least. If you can't do it, then you can leave. No questions asked."

Y/N sits on it for a moment, fighting with her mind. Would Luke even want her there? Would he even are she was there?

"Fine. Just for a few minutes."

Ethan smiles warmly at her before helping her up and walking towards the front door to put on their shoes.

The walk over to the Hughes household was silent, Y/N taking quiet deep breaths as they got closer. She felt like her stomach dropped to her ass every step she took, unsure of how to react.

Her nails were being picked at so much in that moment, she was wondering they weren't bleeding yet.

Ethan pushes open the front door, leading her in to go first with him shutting the door shortly behind her. She could hear the soft booming of music going on in the backyard, signaling that the traditional bonfire was up and blazing.

"You doing okay?" Ethan asks, grabbing a drink from the fridge and handing it to her.

She nods slowly as they continue their journey to the back sliding door, trying to hide her shaking hands.

As they get closer to the bonfire, she can see them all laughing and chatting beside each other while roasting marshmallows. Duke is the first to see her figure, doing a double take as he took a sip of his drink. He throws his arms up in the air as he swallows.

"Heyyyy the party's here!" he jokes, knowing that was her go to line whenever she walked in somewhere.

Everyone soon turned around and stared directly at her, soon hearing cheers and warm welcomes coming in as a few of them hurried up to hug her tight.

She smiled a real smile as they all came to hug her tight, her insides not going a million miles a minute anymore. As she goes to sit down next to Kayleigh, the girl side hugs her tightly before returning back into conversation with Duke's girlfriend.

Rutger walks in front of her and squeezes her arm with a relieved look on his face. "So happy to see you again, Y/N/N. Truly." he says with genuine emotion behind his words. She squeezes his hand.

"Missed you too Rut."

He squeezes her arm one more time before walking over towards Ethan and Tyler.

Y/N takes a deep breath before turning her attention to the two girls next to her whom had her join into the conversation, happily beginning to take part in it.

Luke's eyes never left her figure, as it's been taking everything in him to not run up and hug her and tell her how sorry he was. He knew how she was when she needed space. The last thing he wanted to was overwhelm her when Ethan finally got her out of her house for the first time in days.

So he just watched as she interacted with everyone, seeing the longer she stayed, the more comfortable and less tense she became.

He was snapped out of his daze when a hand smacked onto his shoulder, seeing Ethan looking down at him as he took a seat. His eyes going over towards Y/N.

He nods towards her direction as Luke's eyes don't take long to follow. "She's a mess, man." he says softly. "That's the worst I've ever seen her. She wasn't anywhere near that way when Fantilli broke things off with her."

Luke sighs silently. "I don't even know where to start." he says in defeat.

"Admit you messed up. Be honest with her. Own your shit, Luke." he says. "She cares so much about you. That girl is a ride or die type of situation. You don't let girls like her go." he says, slightly pointing towards her.

Luke huffs. "I know. I just don't know if there's any fixing. I think I took it too far."

Ethan shook his head. "She still wants you around. She may want her space right now. But it doesn't mean she doesn't want you trying."

Luke looks at the ground. "I really do care about her. A lot more than I have ever admitted."

"Oh we know. Trust me dude, you're not slick about it." Ethan chuckles. Luke chuckles lightly too, Ethan slapping his back. "Are we good though?" Luke says, and Ethan hums before nodding slowly.

"Yeah we're good," he says, patting Luke's back once more before look at him. "But just know now thing."

Luke looks at him. "Know what?"

"If you don't finally get your head out of your ass," he starts. "I'm swooping in and going after her."

Luke swears his heart stops for a second. Ethan just nods. "Take care of her when you get her, man. When you get her, keep her. Don't try doing anything that may hurt her. She deserves everything life offers." Ethan says as he looks over at Y/N.

She was laughing at something Kayleigh had said, making Luke's heart warm at the sight of seeing the genuine glow in her eyes again.

Luke nods, clenching his jaw. "I got it. I promise I'll take good care of her." he says, Ethan nodding with a pause smile.

"I know you will."

The night carries on, Y/N feeling a little more at ease being around her friends.

She soon gets up from her spot with a long stretch, bending over to the girls. "I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick and get another drink. I'll be back."

The girls nod at her before she walks back up to the Hughes household, the house looking a little different in her eyes. Once she's inside and walks down the hall, she feels her chest going slightly tight again.

As soon as she's finished freshening up she heads over to the kitchen, opening the fridge doors and skims over the drink selection trying to find what her next drink will be.

"Pineapple high noons are in the drawer behind the Coors," a voice perks up. "I hid them because I know how annoyed you get when Duke takes them." Luke says softly, as if he's afraid she's going to disappear.

Y/N just nods while grabbing one, shutting the fridge and turning around.

Luke is leaning against the kitchen island across from her, his hood up on his head, eyes looking tired and a little bloodshot. "I know you like your space," he says as he clears his throat. "But can I just say something? You don't have to say anything or even listen if you don't want to."

Y/N doesn't say a word, she just looks down at her drink and fidgets with the rim.

Luke takes that as his signal to start.

"I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. Ever. That's the absolute last thing I'd ever want to do to the one person whose opinion I care about the most."

Y/N stays silent. Luke continues.

"I know that based off of my actions, it may seem like the opposite. The truth is I have no excuse as to why I did what I did. I truly think my mind just thought you'd still come regardless. But I was dumb to not make sure you were there. No excuses for it. I wanted you to be the one I ran to hug, to share the moment with. But you weren't there and that's completely my fault. I can sit here and say I wish I could go back in time to change it, but it's too late for that. I can't change what I did, and now I will sit here day after day owning that how I chose to go about this was wrong. It wasn't fair to you after everything you've helped me through."

Luke has slowly made his way closer to her, ever so cautiously.

"You were the one who dragged me by my ear back into that rink when I wanted to quit playing at UMich. You were the one who came and made sure I was awake even if I snoozed my alarms. You were the one who stayed up late with me in the rink to make sure I got the skill right. You were there for it all. And I am the fucking stupidest person for not making sure the one person I needed by my side the most was not there. Party or not." Luke says, tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I will spend every single day in regret for not fixing my mistakes."

Y/N sits there quietly, biting onto her lip to keep it from quivering.

Luke slowly lifts his hands up to cup her face, his hands shaking as he holds her jawline like it's glass. He lifts her face to look up at him.

"Don't ever think that you don't matter to me. You matter more than words can describe. This isn't how I wanted to start our summer, and that's my fault for creating that divide between us." he says, his face falling at seeing how tired mentally she looked.

"I want to spend it taking you on dates, spending it holding you close by the fire, sitting with you on that boat, getting to tell you how hard I've fallen for you," he admits, her lip quivering. "But now I will spend this entire summer, proving to you how much you matter to me. Proving how much I care that you are in my life. Because not having you here the last two weeks, not having you be there when I called or came back to the Hockey house, seeing what it was like not having you exist in my life is something I don't want to experience again."

Luke was sobbing at this point. He was hoping, praying that this wasn't the end of their path. Their story. He looks back and forth between her eyes, pleadingly and in hopes that she will give him a chance to prove himself that he wanted her. Needed her.

Y/N wasn't sure of how to react. He spilled a lot that she didn't know he felt, let alone knowing he had fallen for her. There were so many emotions running through her mind, she didn't know how she wanted to react.

She was so deeply in love with Luke Hughes, and she wanted to give in so quickly. But her body was fighting it, knowing she needed to still give herself some space to ease back into their routine. She didn't know what to do in that moment.

"I don't know what to say Luke," she whimpers out, her voice not feeling steady. "You cut me deep. I'm hurt."

He nods quickly. "I know. I know I did, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." he mutters to her, seeing her internally battling her thoughts. "Just give me a chance. Give me one chance to prove to you." he begs.

Y/N couldn't just let him go after everything. Everything they've been through together since day one. There are things that they have dealt with that nobody else knows about. She felt so deeply for this boy. The way he looked at her like nobody else was in the room, the way he would never fail to make her laugh, or the way he'd always find a way to help her with her presentation for student teaching. There were the big things and the littlest of minimal things he has done that she knew there was more to their story.

Y/N slowly brings a hand to his cheek, wiping the nonstopfilowing tears that were falling. He lets his face burrow into her touch.

"You have a lot of redeeming to do, Luke," she starts. "But I'm willing to try and give you a chance to prove it."

Luke feels like his chest could breathe again. Like she was the one giving him the air in his lungs. He nods continuously, pulling her into a hug.

"I promise, Y/N. I promise." he whispers to her. Y/N didn't have to ask him what he was promising to her.

She just knew.

[blablablayup]

Had some more thoughts that I want to add!

I think it’s important to not assert that women as a whole aren’t bitter about their womanhood / don’t feel any negativity about being a woman. (Not saying the op or other rebloggers were necessarily implying that.)

Seeing that sentiment expressed is what leads a lot of us to identify as trans (I know from experience!). Because if real women aren’t bitter about womanhood and aren’t envious of males and don’t wish they had a penis instead of a vulva and whatever, then logically that must mean we AREN’T women if those things do apply for us. It plays into the idea that womanhood is about how we feel about it and what we wish we could be, rather than about our sex. And that chops up the female sex class and our solidarity.

Many radfems have the misconception that people identify as trans due to their perception of the gender stereotypes they fit into (“I don’t like makeup so I’m not a woman” and that sort of thing). While I won’t deny that could be the case some of the time, I don’t think it’s generally true. Many of us see women proudly professing that they love being a woman, that they have no wish for a male body, etc., with many other women chiming in to confirm that that’s how they feel too. And thus the fact that we DON’T feel that way seems to be understandable only within the trans framework that concludes we are not women.

Again, not trying to blame this post for this phenomenon - I think we’re getting lots of different perspectives and that’s a good thing. Just something that came to mind!

the idea that radfems are just bitter about their womanhood is so laughable. we don't need to like skirts or be subservient to male influence to enjoy womanhood. womanhood is not some abstract concept-- it's merely the the state or condition of being a woman.

[eddieisashifter]

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓'𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐀𝐆? — MY MARAUDERS REALITY

this is a brief tour of my bag in my maruaders era hogwarts dr! this bag has been with me though literally everything and she's only holding on due to mending enchantments I put on her when I first started to notice her descent. some of the stuff in her is...probably less than legal. but hey! snitches get stiches, alright? inspired by this post by @chaaistained and this one by @hrrtshape!!

my trusty messenger bag that i carry literally everywhere with me. you wouldn't catch me dead using just my pockets to carry all my shit. she's basically a staple of my appearance. anyway, let's open her up!

BUT FIRST——THE DECOR!

✦ my pinback buttons! the "kind hearted degenerate" was stolen from Sirius' patch jacket (I think he let me take it), the "cult leader" was a gift from barty because of course it fucking was, and the other two my sister, eden, and I found just outside of diagon alley (we fought over who got to keep them. I won, obviously. so, i display them proudly, she hates it).

✦ i also have my prefect pin stuck onto the strap of my bag because it's so much better to have on there than my robes. no one's gotten mad at me so whatever.

✦ the dice keychain was stolen from eden's room. I thought it was pretty and she hasn't missed it so

✦ the froggy keychain I found in a muggle shop and needed immediately. I may have a secret obsession with froggos, my friends may or may not be very aware of this fact. he also might be cursed, I swear I hear him ribbit when it gets quiet.

✦ the other keychain I found half-buried in a public park. no idea where it came from or how it got there.

ONTO THE POCKETS! my bag has four pockets on the outside, two that close and two that are just slots on the side. they're all full of shit.

LEFT FRONT POCKET

this pocket is entirely full of trash. literal trash. some of it is cute notes from my friends and such, but the other half is actual trash. I say I'm going to use it to junk journal, I don't. It just sits there in the pocket, unused. I refuse to clean it out.

but the notes!

✦ three fortunes from three fortune cookies that I got on three separate occasions at three different restaurants. — the first "you have the ability to see the bright side in things, do not lose that ability" I got on an outing with my family. it was a rough time all around and the whole dinner was tense, but getting that fortune just reaffirmed my belief in aiming for the best, even when it's unrealistic, so I kept it. — the "your love of music will be an important part of your life" I got on one of my first real dates with sirius. I already knew he dreamed of being a musician, so I took it as a sign we were going to work out. and well, it was correct. — finally, the "whatever you want to do, do it. there are only so many tomorrows" fortune found me when I was wrestling with my feelings. I hadn't intended to fall for remus, but I had. I didn't know what to do. but, I took this as a sign to just go for it and be true to my feelings. It worked out. so I kept it as a reminder, like I did with sirius' one.

✦ "I'll let you drag me to hell if it means you'll hold my hand" note that sirius passed me one day in the middle of class. like that wouldn't make me insane in public. stupid dog.

✦ "kind of a pretty boy, isn't he?" note that I found dropped on the ground in divination. when I picked it up, some girl turned beet red. amusing, really.

✦ "we are all haunted houses" note that I wrote on the corner of a notepad and tore out. I found it at the bottom of my bag weeks later. I cant for the life of me remember what I was talking about, though I think I was onto something.

✦ "not everything has to make sense. let it go. choose peace." note that was written at the top of one of my papers for divination class. professor was far too done with my constant questioning of why things worked the way they did.

✦ "just make it exist first, you can make it good later" sticky note that I wrote to stick onto my writing desk to try and help ward off my perfectionism. It remained there for years until I accidently knocked it down and it refused to stick up again. so, i shoved it into my bag with the others.

✦ "the memory is unclear but the feelings remain" written on a blank polaroid photo. barty accidently took a picture as he dropped my camera. evan wrote the words on the picture that came out. I think he thought he was being poetic. I kept it regardless.

✦ "I think you're afraid because we get along so well. I think it scares you." one of the notes sirius taunted me with in our rivals phase of our rivals to lovers arc. torn in two and carefully taped back together.

✦ "dear me, don't fall back into old patterns just because they're familiar. love, me." letter written for an assignment. that 'write a letter to your younger self' writing prompt nonsense? I didn't want to do it, so I wrote the first thing that came to my head. still got an O though.

✦ an unopened letter. the front says "open when fate decrees it". that trelawney girl got a cheshire smile when I picked it up. I've had it for five years.

✦ also a train ticket from my very first year of hogwarts

✦ other trash in this pocket includes: a to-do list that says "1. ace your o.w.ls, 2. take over the world", at least four salazar slytherin trading cards, a receipt from the record shop in hogsmede, a punch card from the three broomsticks with ten punches in it (I probably should use it at some point), a scrawled list of hexes that barty copied from the restricted section of the library, and a note I passed to reggie that says "do me a favor, kill your brother" that he threw back at me with a scrawled "NO." underneath.

RIGHT FRONT POCKET

the snack pouch, basically. if I'm hungry, this is where I'm reaching.

✦ a chocolate frog that's probably melted slightly with how long it's been in there. I think barty gave it to me on the train ride. it's probably still good, right?

✦ raven chocolates that are literally better than any wizarding candy, trust.

✦ jelly slugs because gummies are the superior form of candy

✦ also chai teabags because you never know when you might need it (also because I'm picky about my chai)

SIDE POCKETS

LEFT SIDE POCKET

✦ my round sunglasses that are basically my staple.

✦ the swiss army knife that eden has a matching one of. i enchanted it so that the blade doesn't grow dull. honestly, much better than a wand half the time, but don't tell anyone I said that.

✦ vampire pill box that has enchanted ibuprofen. thank you dorcas my love. one of these does 10x the effect as a regular without the damage to your internal organs or risk of an overdose.

RIGHT SIDE POCKET

✦ a crocheted chanel rose made for me by evan's sister, pandora. it's hella impressive actually.

✦ my trusty vivienne westwood lighter. used to be my mom's, I took it from her purse as a well rebellious thirteen year old. it also has a matching cigarette case that I also stole. i was having my kleptomaniac era. there is also skull bandages tucked inside the case.

INTERIOR POCKET

where i keep all the loose things that would get lost in the bottom of my bag otherwise.

✦ tiny bottles of banned potions that dorcas made for me. I make sure to keep the corks on very tightly.

✦ a jar of human teeth. no, I will not explain where I got them.

✦ jars of bones. not human (yet).

✦ intricate jar, full of enchanted, basically holy, water. for all your banishing needs. never summon anything you don't know how to get rid of.

✦ a jar of salt. for the same reason. also salt.

✦ tin of tiny candles for on-the-go spellwork because you never know when you might need it.

✦ tiny clay charms of tarot cards also made by pandora. she passed them to me in divination. she never did tell me why. they are pretty cute though.

MAIN POCKET

✦ a leatherbound journal full of all my secrets. jinxed, obviously. possibly with some that I would get in trouble for casting. their fault really for trying to snoop. includes detailed plans of world domination, lists of hexes and curses ordered by their usefulness, recounts of possibly prophetic dreams, and lists of very good numbers

✦ poetry journal for my midnight poetic ramblings. not jinxed, not yet. also includes my casebook recounts of strange romantic feelings, complete with red string.

✦ my trusty wand. black walnut and dragon heartstring, 12"

✦ a lace fan for when it gets far too hot to be legal. because I can't be sweating not in style

✦ a very illegal time-turner hidden inside a matchbox. I probably shouldn't have told you that I have that.

✦ a vintage comb that I call my tactical comb.

✦ my leather bat-wing wallet. one of the most important things in this bag

✦ my black makeup pouch that mary poppins would envy.

✦ my heavily annotated copy of "scottish fairy tales" that I've had with me since my first year of hogwarts. I think there's more notes and highlights than actual text. and the notes are more journal entries than actual annotations.

✦ tiny bird scissors I stole from madame pomfrey. they're for sewing. I don't do much sewing. but I can chase sirius around with them, threatening to cut the stitches on his patches. it's very amusing.

✦ an extra lighter, clipped onto the inside of my bag, just in case my trusty one ever breaks. so far, it hasn't.

✦ a special edition of the strange case of dr. jekyll and mr. hyde, my favorite book of all time. this edition was a gift from reggie, who knows my love of it.

✦ a fountain pen for my sudden bursts of inspirational musing. enchanted to never dry of ink and never need to dip it. I stole it from my older brother, alastair. I can't help it, he makes such good enchantments.

✦ a fancy flask. yes, of course there's alcohol in it. what did you take me for, a lightweight?

✦ vivienne westwood gloves for the colder months, an enchanted lining to keep your hands at the perfect temperature, not too hot and not too cold.

✦ the box of my trusty tarot cards. they always seem to call me out. they also have a bit of an attitude. typical.

✦ a coin that's engraved with "one more chapter" on one side and "go to bed" on the other. for very important dilemmas regarding my sleep schedule. do I ever listen to it when it lands on "go to bed"? no, of course not. don't tell me what to do.

WALLET

✦ my galleons. the wallet is linked to my vault at gringotts so I don't run out of money, because that would be embarrassing.

✦ photos of my friends and I. i know, I know, very sentimental of me. — photo of dorcas and eden from one of the slytherin common room parties — a photo of me, barty, and dorcas with a mall santa. he looks like he's being held hostage. — photo of me playing chess with dorcas (off camera) while barty lounges across the bed, pouting because he lost to me minutes ago. — photo of evan, me and reggie at one of our families' stupid summer galas. having friends makes them more bearable. — photo of evan and me from one of the royals' summer outings — photo of me and barty on a late-night hogsmede outing — photo i took of dorcas at one of the slytherin common room parties as we dared her to chug her drink

✦ an id, so people know who I am. as if they didn't already, pfft. it is also fake.

✦ spare condoms. enough said.

MAKEUP POUCH

✦ my signature black lipstick. can't go anywhere without that beauty. enchanted for long-lasting wear. the touch-ups are hardly necessary, but it does make people look at my lips~ also enchanted with love magic so when he kisses me he thinks I'm god. (I think that might make it illegal, but who's gonna snitch anyway?)

✦ tinted chapstick for dry lips.

✦ a spare eyeliner pen, because none of my looks would be complete without eyeliner.

✦ a knife inside a lipstick tube. just incase one knife wasn't enough. also great to scare the shit out of your friends with

✦ extra mascara, also for touchups.

✦ a black nail polish. also for touch ups. though, usually not my own. barty can never seem to keep his nail polish from chipping for longer than a day.

✦ cannabis and rose roller perfume. in case my aura isn't addicting enough. enchanted by dorcas with glamour magic, obviously. she's literally a goddess.

✦ my chanel compact mirror that also answers most of my questions. "mirror mirror in my hand, what's the answer to question #6?"

✦ a vivienne westwood claw clip that I stole from my older sister, morgaine. she's so damn uptight all the time and she's still freaking about about losing this clip. it's all I can do not to laugh aloud.

✦ a shit ton of hair ties and bobby pins just strewn throughout the pouch. I'll lose all of them eventually.

[silens-oro]

Retreat to Safer Waters

Not all fics have adult content, but this blog is 18+. Dr. Jack Abbot x f!Reader (slow burn) Shared grief/Comfort

The Pitt Playlist located here Masterlist Pass Slowly Series Patron Saint, Are We All Lost Like You?

Synopsis: With a little encouragement, you initiate some free time with Jack. Word Count: 2.8k Content Warning: Spousal death discussion; fluff; HEALTHY communication A/N: This is the next installment of my Pass Slowly series. Between this and my Pope series, the only thing going through my brain is every TikTok "at the same damn time" edit with Abbot and Pope 😭 save me Please comment and reblog :)

Two Weeks Before Patron Saint, Are We All Lost Like You?

“So, anything new with you and Doctor Jack?” Chrissy asked as you were out to lunch. You took a half day at the office so you could get an early start on the weekend and catch up with your sister. It was a question she brought up frequently. You were currently sitting on the outdoor patio to a Mexican restaurant that you both frequented during the warm summers, chatting over drinks and some killer nachos. 

“The same thing that’s always going on with me and Jack -nothing. It doesn’t matter how many times you ask, Chris. The answer isn’t going to change.” You replied nonchalantly, sipping on your margarita. 

“He’s interested.” Chrissy said like it was the most obvious thing in the world to say. You scoffed, laughing nervously. 

“He’s not.” 

“Yes he is.” She argued back with a scoff.  

“He’s dealing with a lot, and I’m sure the last thing on his mind is dating anyone…much less me of all people. Believe me, Jack’s a great guy-”

“-Very attractive-” Chrissy let her sunglasses slide down the bridge of her nose and wiggled her eyebrows. 

“Christine!” 

“You’d have to be blind to not think so. Tell me I’m wrong! He’s older,” She started using her fingers to count, “Very attractive, incredibly kind, a doctor. I can keep going,” Chrissy shrugged, sipping on her mojito. “But I might run out of fingers.” 

“You’re not wrong, but the whole situation is-”

“Messy?” She finished for you. Nodding, you looked down at your drink and swirled the straw. .

“Yeah. And even if I was interested, there isn’t a way of going into this where I don’t feel gross about it.”

“So you have thought about it,” Chrissy’s grin was downright lecherous. 

“Of course I have, but Janine was my friend, Chris. It’s weird, right? He’s definitely off limits, right? Am I overthinking this? Is there anything to even overthink?” Christine waved her hand with a shrug, stealing a chip off the plate between you. 

“I mean, if he was going to move on with anyone, I’d think it would be with someone he’s already comfortable with, wouldn’t it?” Chrissy sighed your name. “I’ve seen it with my own two eyeballs, alright? You two are absolutely clueless, I swear to God. I think you need to initiate anything if that’s what you want, and it is -I know you better than you know yourself. Then the two need to have an honest conversation, and then maybe some hand stuff-”

“Christine!” Your jaw dropped to the ground and that grin was back on your sister’s face. She leaned closer to you and lowered her voice conspiratorially.

“I’m just saying! I’m sure he’s a little rusty-” 

“-Stop!” You snorted into your napkin, waving your arm to bat her away.

“You don’t want to kill the guy. Just give him a hand!” Chrissy was nearly howling as you felt the heat of embarrassment run through your entire body. “Or two.” 

“Enough!” You laughed through clenched teeth. 

You ran into Jack when you both got to the main door of the building the following morning. He was coming home from work and you were leaving for your Saturday morning yoga class. 

“Well, good morning, Dr. Abbot.” You greeted Jack cheekily as you stepped out of the elevator. “Busy night?”

“It was surprisingly quiet. Not my preferred tempo, but I got through it.” He sounded tired and if you could see his eyes through the dark sunglasses he wore, you’d see the weariness there too. 

“Take the victories, Jack, even if they’re small.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” He noticed the bag strapped to your shoulder that had your mat. “Got a lot to do today?” 

“Just a class and some errands. Nothing crazy, but I am going to that bakery on Easton. Want me to grab you a loaf of that bread you like? My treat.” 

“You don’t have to do that-” Jack started to argue the same argument anytime you went out your way for him, and you cut him off to give the same answer you always gave him back. 

“-Either I’m buying it for you -and I can steal a few slices, or I’m buying it for me, Jack, but either way it is coming home to one of us today.” He held his hands up, but smiled nonetheless. 

“Don’t gotta twist my arm about it.” Jack rubbed the back of his neck in an odd display of nervousness that you hadn’t seen from him before. “You uh, got any plans for the night?” Small talk with Jack wasn’t all that weird, but inquisitive small talk was. You didn’t want to overstep, so you never asked him anything personal out of respect, and in turn he never really dug into what you did when you weren’t hanging out together until very recently. 

It was a subtle shift, one that would go unnoticed with just about anyone else, but nothing was subtle when it came to Jack -not by your standards, anyway. He was generally an upfront kind of person, so to see him not in his usual state piqued your interest. Your thoughts went back to the conversation you had with your sister the day before. You need to initiate, she said. Just the idea made you want to puke on the spot. 

“Figure I’d put a movie on and order some takeout. It’s been a very long week and some relaxation is very much needed.” Jack nodded, hands stuffed into the pocket of his sweatshirt. 

“Yeah, I feel that.” He said with a sigh. Jack was looking at you like he was trying to analyze you, like he was trying to figure something out and you hadn’t the faintest clue what. The feeling of his unyielding eyes made you suddenly very nervous. 

“Are you interested in joining me? Unless you’re working -I know you usually have Saturdays off, but I also know your schedule can be wonky. You know what, you probably already have plans-” Jack chose to give you mercy at that point, cutting off your rambling.

“-I would very much like to join you. I’m off tonight, thankfully.” He clarified with a chuckle, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he took off his sunglasses. Jack knew that he shouldn’t even think about it, about you, but your genuine smile allowed him to push his doubts down and allow himself to be around another person. Put the effort in, his therapist told him. “Something is drawing you to her, and while it could be a fleeting moment, it could be something more, but you have to put the effort in to find that out.”

“Great!” You replied almost a little too quickly. “There’s a Korean place that just opened up a few blocks down that I’ve been dying to try. Seems like as good of a night as any.” You tried to play it cool, act nonchalantly about…whatever this was. “Six o’clock at my place. Sound good?”

Something was off the second Jack stepped into your apartment. It wasn’t bad, but it was noticeably different. Jack held himself differently than he usually did when he came over to hang out. He wore cologne that you hadn’t smelled in years. He wore jeans and a nice, casual shirt as opposed to the comfortable sweats and pullover he usually opted out for. He was still comfortable, but definitely more dressed up than he needed to be. You weren’t going to think about the little bit of extra effort you put into your appearance. If you were being honest, the whole vibe shift was enough to throw you through a loop. 

Jack’s eyes, the way they looked at you -through you- were also different. The intention was different. His calculating eyes held a look that you couldn’t quite read and every time you peered over at him on the other side of the sofa while the movie played in front of you, he was already looking in your direction with his brows furrowed.  

“I’m sensing something here. This is different.” You paused the movie as you turned to face Jack. He looked slightly thrown that you were facing this head on, but went with it for the sake of cutting the growing tension in the cozy living room. “Does this feel…”

“Strange?” He finished, slightly shifting his body to face yours on the sofa.

“A little, yeah,” You breathed out, setting the remote down on the coffee table. “It shouldn’t.”

“But it does.” You nodded.

“I don’t want this to be weird, Jack.” You stated the obvious, heart pounding in your chest. 

“I don’t think either of us wants this to be weird.” Jack chuckled.

“Then why is it weird? We’ve had movie nights before. We’ve gotten dinner together. We’ve hung out.”

“Is that what we’re doing? Hanging out?” Oh, your eyes widened. OH. Goddamn Christine was right and you were never going to hear the end of it once she found this out. 

“Is that not what we’re doing?” You raised an inquisitive brow at Jack as you tried to get him to say exactly what was going on in the event that you were reading into things differently than he was. Jack sighed, your name slipping through his lips as he gave you his full attention.

“It’s been…a long time since I’ve done this. I haven’t put myself out there since I lost Janine, maybe I am so horrifically far removed from being practiced with any of it, but If I’m being completely honest here, my intentions were…not to hang out.” You nodded, a slight giddiness rolling in your stomach.  

“Okay…so this is mutual?” There was still this lingering doubt in your mind that maybe he didn’t really want this and was just looking for…you didn’t really know, but it still gnawed away at your psyche. 

“I sure fucking hope it is.” Jack chuckled, nerves peaking through, dragging one out of you as well. Part of the weight that was carried on your shoulders regarding him lifted ever so slightly. There was going to be a lot to work through, for both of you, but he put himself out there and you weren’t going to leave him hanging. 

Jack held out his hand for you to take, pulling you into his side when you accepted it. His warmth instantly radiated through you when your body met his, enveloping you in a comfort you hadn’t felt in years. You stretched your legs out over the length of the sofa and allowed yourself to sink into Jack as he pressed play on the remote.  

“Shit,” You groaned out, somewhat disoriented and stiff as you tried to sit up. At some point in the night, you and Jack had shifted on the sofa and right now you were wedged between Jack and the back of the sofa with your face pressed against him. His scent had your head spinning momentarily before his own groans brought you back to the present. Jack’s drowsy eyes blinked up at you, his brain catching up to where he was and who he was with. “God, what time is it?” You reached over Jack to check your phone. It was nearing two in the morning and it felt like you and Jack were in between dimensions where inky the two of you existed. It was a bubble you didn’t want to break and it seemed that Jack had the same idea because he gently pulled you back down to him, only now you were partially laying on him. 

Everything about Jack was comfortable, you were finding out. Not just physically, but his entire aura put you at ease. His hand rubbed lazy circles along your back. Jack’s steady breathing, the up and down motion of his chest, started to lull you back to sleep. 

“We’re gonna have to talk about this, Jack, but I don’t know if now is the time to dive into it.”

“We can.” He assured you. His voice was just above a whisper and you felt his breath in your ear. “I can sense you have some reservations about this.” Opening your eyes, you tilted your head to look up at Jack. You kept your voice as low as his, not wanting to break the barrier of peace that settled around you in the dim comfort of your living room. 

“I feel like I’m…intruding, but not because of anything you’ve done. Janine was my friend and you were her husband and also my friend. And I have to say this out loud because the guilt I currently feel for even looking at you too long will eat away at me if I don’t.” Jack nodded for you to continue. “It almost feels like I’m poaching. I know I shouldn’t, but I do because I don’t want anyone, especially you, to think I’ve just been waiting in the rafters for my time to strike, you know? I never looked at you as anyone other than Jack, Janine’s Husband, while she was alive. I’m not the type of person who looks at their friend’s husband or partner and thinks anything other than platonic, neutral thoughts. And I don’t want you to do something you’re going to regret because you feel some sort of obligation-”

“-Have I been reading this wrong?” Jack started to shift under you.  

“I really hope not because I do like you, Jack, but I want to make sure that this is the right thing for you, you know?” His hand continued moving along your back as he thought for a moment. 

“I understand your concerns.” He started, “I also only saw you as Janine’s friend, to be clear.” You never doubted Jack’s loyalty for a single second. “In the last…god, I don’t know, year? I’ve thought about this, us…often. Just haven’t pushed myself to do anything about it until now.” Butterflies erupted in your chest. Jack gently tilted your chin up so he could look you in the eyes as he spoke. “This isn’t something I’m jumping into without any forethought -believe me. I don’t do anything without completely overanalyzing it. I’ve spoken with my therapist about the situation extensively and I’ve put the work in to navigate through every roadblock I’ve given myself on why I couldn’t move forward with my life when I desperately wanted to after almost four years without her.” You clasped your hand in his, feeling the roughness against your skin, and brought up up to rest on his chest between you. His thumb traced over your knuckles as he continued. 

“You understand who Janine was to me -who she still is, and that is so incredibly important. I’m not looking to forget her or to replace her.” The earnestness in Jack’s voice simultaneously broke your heart and mended it back together again. “She was a part of my life for almost twenty years and will continue to be a part of who I am until I’m long gone. I had to accept that my life would continue on, because it does. It’s agonizing at times, and there was a point where I thought I wasn’t going to make it out, but you’re the one who pulled me through it. Those meals you dropped at my door? Those meant everything. The space you gave me while letting me know you were there? That meant everything. Just knowing you cared kept me going some days. You’re a true-hearted person and Janine loved you fiercely.” Jack cleared his throat and looked away, but you saw the tears that started to line his eyes. 

Without a second thought, you tenderly turned him back to face you. Please don’t hide from me, you said with your eyes. 

“I realized it would be a very long and lonely existence if I didn’t allow myself to continue. It was only a matter of how I wanted to continue -to spiral until I was a shell of who I once was, a complete disservice to every second of Janine’s life that she gave to make me a better person. Or be that better person from the get-go because that’s the legacy she left me -to grieve her loss and honor her memory. That’s all she would’ve wanted from me. Letting all of that work go undone would’ve been worse than not mourning her at all.”

“That’s a beautiful perspective to have, Jack. One I don’t think a lot of people end up with when they’ve lost a spouse.” You brought his hand up and boldly kissed the back of it. “Thank you for sharing this with me. I can’t imagine how difficult this still is for you.”

“I care for you -deeper than a friend. And I’m not sure how to navigate this, but if you have the patience to spare, I’d really like to figure it out with you.” When you smiled up at him, he brought your hand up to his lips to reciprocate your earlier gesture.

please comment & reblog :)

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hello again. I have another idea that occurred to me during class. Does ENA know what a birthday is? It's been so long since I watched the series. If she does know, she's probably never had one for herself (definitely not a good one). What if reader found out and was like "no, you're existence is worth celebrating and I'm glad you are in my life. I'm gonna do something to prove it." I feel like this idea fits more with Series!ENA, but I think BBQ!ENA would also benefit from not having her point of existence for someone be just endless tasks for once. Thoughts on this? Don't worry if you have too many requests to do right now, I just wanted to once again throw my thoughts out there. Please have a good day/night!

It's okay! I love all these ideas ya'll are giving me. I'd like to think she does, but she's never had a good one nor one worth remembering.

But I'll do both girlies justice bc I want them to be happy <3

......

Series!Ena

It's just a normal rainy day, where you and Ena were taking shelter inside your home. You were watching a show on the 32-Bit television while she was staring at your calendar like it was the morning paper.

"[Y/n], it's come to my attention that you have a specific date marked here that is rapidly approaching."

"Um..I have several things marked on that calendar, Ena." You pause the episode to look at her. "You're gonna have to be more specific than that."

"Why, I'm referring to your birthday, of course!" Her feminine voice giggles, before switching back to her more masculine tone. "Got any special plans? Are you ready for the ritualistic songs and rites of gift-exchanges?"

"Erm...ready as I'll ever be, sweetheart."

"That's wonderful! But hmm....what day should my birthday be on this year?" She holds a marker up, looking over several dates with a quizzical expression. "June? October? February 29th? Or maybe---" You see her violently glitch into her sad form. "--nevewr! Because everyone threw my invitations away LAST yeawr!! All that time and effowt...GONE!! Just like I should be!" She slams her head down onto the table and sobs, tears and marker bleeding into the paper.

Once again, you were forced to learn something truly and utterly devastating about your girlfriend: she's never had a good birthday celebration.

Before meeting you, she was vaguely aware of the "tradition". And one random day last year, she declared it to be her birthday, simply because it felt very "birthdayish", and sent out as many invitations as she could.

Nobody else showed up, except Moony and a small hourglass dog that she kept hostage in her pocket dimension--both of whom stayed for merely five minutes before leaving her in front of a burnt turron, depressed beyond measure.

Ena told you offhand that people seemingly laughed at her invitations and rolled their eyes, claiming that her "annoying" existence wasn't worth any kind of celebration......but she acted like it didn't bother her until now.

She assumed it's because she got the day "wrong" and tried aiming for a different one this time, one that both you and her could agree upon.

But given her current wailing and the fact that you'll definitely have to order a new calendar soon....she was feeling pretty hopeless.

Luckily you're quick to come up with an idea, as you hated seeing your girlfriend like this. "Hey, how about we make it for tomorrow? I have something good planned."

"No, just fowget it. I-I'm not in the mood anymowe." She sniffles, looking at you. "M-My existence is worthless-"

"No, it may not mean a lot to some people...but it means a lot to me. More than you could possibly know." You insist, rubbing her back. "I want to celebrate you, Ena, because I love you and I'm so happy that you exist. I'm glad you're part of my life."

"...you're just saying thaaaat."

"No. I'll prove it to you. Let's just mark it down for tomorrow, okay? I promise you won't regret it." You give her a kiss, and for a moment, you see the white half of her face smile. Just barely.

"O...Okay.."

Tomorrow comes, and Ena expects nothing...yet you surprise her with turron, made from a recipe you acquired from a shady stall, decorated with blue and yellow candies and adorned with a pick featuring a popup ad that said "Happy Existence Day, ENA".

Since she's not a big fan of parties, it was just you two spending the day together and her getting calls from the few entities who tolerated her (Moony, Merci, Phindoll, etc.).

It's a great day, and you two end it going out for drinks, where she's switching between her drunk forms while ranting about how much she appreciated you (which is the most you've understood her while she was in that state), and giving you a lot of hugs and slurred words of affirmation.

But you know she means them with all her heart and soul, even if she forgets the next day.

She's so happy that her entire body stays yellow even as you both come home, and she hugs you and sincerely thanks you for proving her wrong.

BBQ!Ena

It started off as a harmless and innocent inquiry, not giving it much thought. "Weird question, Ena...but have you ever celebrated a birthday before?"

"Pfffft, have I ever taken a vacation?" Her Meanie side bluntly sneers back, staring at you as though she gave you a riddle to solve.

"Uh..not that I can-"

"CONGRATS!! You've just answered yourself! Want a gold star for that?!" She goes back to admiring the png of some unidentified organ floating between her hands, trying to determine its market value.

Although her face eventually flickers back to its Salesperson side, who appears a little guilty for her outburst. Her gaze lingers, eyes buzzing with curiosity and....a hint of longing and want.

"Apologies." She suddenly claps her hands, the organ turning into nothing but bloody ooze that dissolves into the soil. "What I meant to say was....no. I'm not familiar with such a tradition. Is the commemoration of one's existence a common practice in your workplace?"

If you're human, this is yet another simple question you could answer. But even if you weren't, you fully knew about birthdays and have celebrated some yourself, or other friends'.

Apparently, Ena doesn't even know what that entails, and/or believed hers was simply not recognized by others since her species isn't well-liked around here.

All her life, she's only ever known how to carry out endless tasks and never doubt the assignment. That was her M.O, and to take some random day off would make her Meanie side break out into a cold sweat.

But ever since that conversation, you've heard her uttering a specific date that seemed important. One that was coming up soon. She spoke of it in various ways: through her business cards she hands to clients who didn't wanna take them in the first place. Through graphs she sketches of your probabilities of success in a job, hidden in plot points. And even through hushed whispers when you're both cuddling, but she refused to elaborate further.

Either something really good or really horrible occurred on that date. It was 50/50 guess, but from what you've gathered, it was the day she broke free of her mannequin husk and formulated her own identity.

It seemed close enough to a birthday, so you rolled with it and began planning something for her behind the scenes (with Froggy's reluctant assistance).

You wanted her to know that you appreciated her existence. Meanie sometimes found it hard to see that, and Salesperson, while she understands and appreciates your appreciation, thinks you're mainly with her for the "business" and "workplace benefits"--so you had to prove both sides of her wrong.

You loved her for her, not for what she was capable of.

When that fated date arrived, you sent her an S.O.S, and she rendezvous at the scene (your house) asap, wondering what the emergency was.

Instead, she finds you and a simple surprise on the table. And for once...this talkative entity has no words.

While you weren't sure if turrons were an ENA's universal favorite, you took a shot in the dark and baked one with fluffy white powder and red candy sprinkles on top, adorning it with a pick that had a star that simply looked cool. It was small, as you didn't wanna risk messing up a big cake.

Froggy criticized your entire baking process, but you were proud of its result, and even prouder when your girlfriend took one bite, and her eyes lit up like the fourth of july.

Not only that, but you also gifted her a laminated photograph of your first assignment with Ena. It stood the test of time, covered in a few scratches here and there. She didn't even know you had a camera.

"Oh, I stole it actually. But I promised to pay them...........woah, are you crying??" You see her static tears getting on the turron, desaturating its vibrant color.

She still hasn't said a word, but she can't stop crying silently and trembling. And it scares you at first. You're convinced that you royally screwed this up and today was actually the worst day of her life--

Until her head floats a little more away from her body than usual to kiss you on the cheek.

Before Meanie takes over and lightly headbutts you. "Now look what you've done, you idiot! Getting me all sappy like this on my Existence Day is gonna cost you!" She snaps, even though she's fighting back a smile and more tears.

".....what's it gonna cost me?"

"C-Calculating........one hug will suffice." Salesperson mutters, sniffling.

"Oh! Alright. You had me worried there." You cradle her head in your arms, petting her hair. "So...I was right. Today's the day you, the love of my life, came into existence. I'm glad you were born, and I'm not listening to anyone--Genie or not--who says you should be punished for that."

Once again, you've managed to silence her, through words this time instead of actions. There's no back sass from Meanie. No business offers or quips from Salesperson.

All she does is close her eyes and allow herself this moment of joy.

You proved a big point: She is worth celebrating, and you made damn sure she knew that this was gonna become a yearly occurrence.

She won't use it as an excuse to slack off of work, but she's always curious as to what surprises you'll have waiting for her next time.

[bengiyo]

Heesu in Class 2: Maybe It’s Time to Stop Calling Myself a BL Viewer

After finishing Heesu in Class 2, it’s been surprising to feel like I’m in the minority for enjoying it. We’ve seen a great deal of concerted posting from fans of the webtoon about how this show betrayed its source material with its adaptation changes. Over the last few weeks, I’ve read the original webtoon to gather my own thoughts. After reading through @my-rose-tinted-glasses post on why this project didn’t work for her, I decided to sit with it for a while. I then came across this tweet from Dr. Thomas Baudinette:

I respect Dr. Baudinette’s academic interest in the genre and the useful insider insight he brings to the table. However, I will say plainly that I think this is a grossly disingenuous take, grounded in the idea that stories about queer romance take precedence over other queer stories. Additionally, it deeply misreads the adaptation choices and insinuates that a queer show that includes heterosexuality in it is somehow betraying the BL audience. There’s a lot to unpack here, but I will say plainly that I will go back to just being a queer cinephile who dabbles in BL instead of advocating for BL if this is who we are.

I am a queer person here for stories about queer truth. BL is a romance genre. While I respect BL viewers who are here to get their feelings from swoony moments, I cannot abide the presumption that a story that is inherently about the coming out experience somehow let its source material down for maintaining that connection. Every year we get into a big fight about what is or isn’t BL (see: 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us, Love in the Big City, What Did You Eat Yesterday?, etc.), often arguing that BL is a branding term used to get romance viewers to show up and support queer works. I think it’s fine enough to argue that Heesu in Class 2 isn’t a BL because it uses Korean drama frameworks (@lurkingshan) for its story instead of sandblasting you in the face with pop music as two boys stare at each other, but I think there’s real value in what the show is doing for mainstream viewers.

I’ve avoided discussing the webtoon too much in my commentary, but now that I have read it I will say firmly that this would have sucked as a TV show. We know that about 40-50% of the shows we get each year are based on their source material. The webtoon is adorable and well-intentioned. It’s also a very simple narrative in which we are primarily in Heesu’s point of view, and any time we leave his point of view it’s to see only what other people are thinking about him. In my opinion, simpler narratives like the Heesu webtoon work best as films and not as dramas. 

We recently went through this with Living With Him, in which a really short manga got stretched to eight episodes and had to add contrivances to the middle to pad out the time that eventually hurt the core narrative. Thai BL is rife with secondary, tertiary, and quaternary couples to pad out time to meet the long run time demands of the airing schedule. When you’re adapting a fairly simple story, you either have to add depth or bloat. Oftentimes we get both. In the case of Heesu, it’s clear that they were only adapting the first season of the webtoon, and so they added depth.

The constant refrain from detractors of this webtoon is that it deprioritized the queer characters and their narrative in favor of straight narratives. I wholeheartedly disagree. Every single straight story in this show (and the gay ones) are meant to add context to the queer struggles Hee Su and Seung Won face, from Ji Yu and Chan Young to all three of his sisters.

Ji Yu’s music arc hearkens to the queer fear of being public with yourself and facing judgment and scrutiny. Chan Young’s tennis arc features real parental abandonment consequences that many a queer person fears. Hee Sin exemplifies how easy it is to fall for people and also deal with the constant rejection of most people not being into you (because they’re straight). Hee Jae exemplifies how toxic a relationship with your best friend can be when the romantic feelings aren’t fully reciprocal. Hee Yeong shows us what it means to be brave and face your friend after you’ve let them down romantically. Ho Sik highlights how easy it is for straight people to express and pursue their romances, and then be public with them. None of these plots exist in a vacuum; they’re meant to add context to the tension between Hee Su and Seung Won.

On the queer front, the show expanded on the initial lesbian advice plotline as a way for Hee Su to open the discussion about queerness with his siblings. The look shared between the sisters, their careful responses, and the way they treat him in the final episode after Hee Su comes out to Hee Sin shows that they talked to each other. Hee Sin clearly pulled on her prior knowledge when she insisted to Hee Su that she still loves him. Hee Jae, the grumpiest sister, was especially direct about praising Hee Su when he offered to help them take Hee Yeong to the airport. Hee Yeong told him plainly that he must remember that she is always on his side and will support him. Seung Won’s mom acknowledged that her own coming out affected him, and let him decide how open to be about his family.

The coming out sequence with Hee Sin was so powerful. He made it clear that this isn’t a gay-for-you situation. He said plainly that his crushes are on guys, and will probably always be on guys. Hee Sin’s response took me back to this incredible scene from The Fosters, in which Lena’s dad apologizes to her for saying “I still love you.” He rejects it as something horrible, in which you confirm to your kid that you could possibly stop loving them. He says he wishes he had instead said, “Thank you for telling me something so important about yourself, and I can’t wait to meet the person you want to share your life with.” 

I’m also annoyed about the insistence that the straights were given priority in this narrative in which everyone gets about the same level of on-screen intimacy. This is a show that managed to avoid getting an R rating, which means that it’ll be accessible to a much wider range of viewers without needing additional parental controls. The straights getting time means that when the gays throw the ease at which they pursued romance back in their faces, it’s actually grounded in events that transpired in the narrative. I will also say that I did NOT like the way Jiyu and Chanyoung meddled with Heesu in the webtoon, and thought conspiring with Seung Won was not kind to Heesu. I like that the drama instead uses their stories to support the queer themes as Ji Yu directly supports Seung Won.

I’d also like to say that all the Chan Young commentary troubles me. Hee Su has been in love with this boy for ten years. I actually think the show needs to spend time fleshing him out into a real person for the audience to understand why Hee Su likes him so much. He’s charming and friendly. He’s kind and thoughtful. He wants to help the people he cares about. He also trusts Hee Su implicitly. 

I do not blame him for being overwhelmed and surprised when Hee Su suddenly confessed to him, and I think there is real value in him botching that moment. So many viewers who might not have spent a lot of time thinking about how they would handle queer people coming out to them will benefit from seeing Chan Young flub that moment. What’s more important is that he did eventually talk to Hee Su and begin to repair the break in their friendship. It isn’t about being right every single time; it’s about always doing the work required to make things right. 

Finally, I really loved that Hee Su got to be mad at Seung Won for confusing him all this time. It was fun to see Hee Su, who I think was way out of line for always interfering in Chan Young’s life, face the reality that he had also been subject to that kind of behavior. This worked so well for me because we understood that what Seung Won liked so much about Hee Su was how warm and open he was. I will have more to say in the future about how many shows we’ve already had this year reject one-sided pining as inherently pure.

In the end, it’s just a really dissonant experience for me to see such a kind show getting such an energetic negative response. Like anyone else who’s watched over 300 BLs since 2016, I like seeing cute boys kiss each other and make face as much as anyone else. However, if we’re unable to appreciate using a webtoon with clear ideas about the difficulty of coming out when you’re in love with a friend in a format that far more viewers are used to, I don’t think I can rock with this anymore. I can’t even find myself associated with the kinds of people who would have called Degrassi homophobic because it wasn’t exclusively gay. 

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Pent Up 6

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, virginity loss, age gap, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: you seek validation through online correspondence with incarcerated men, only for one to lock you down in turn.

Characters: convict/excon!Thor (silverfox)

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

You peer around awkwardly, unsure of the fine silvery cutlery and which of the forks to use. You can’t help but feel out of place as you’re the youngest at the table; by decades. It’s surreal, like when your mom left you with your great grandparents as a child. She said it would be a few days but it turned out to be a month. They never had you back. 

You fidget and play with the frill along your left shoulder. The asymmetrical cut isn’t your favourite. You’re not sure what high school you was thinking, even if it was only a few years ago. 

“That colour is gorgeous on you,” Frigga preens, forcing you out of your anxious trance. 

You smile sheepishly. “Thanks. I... love your hair pin.” 

She touches the pearl barrette in her hair. “Oh, thank you, dear.” 

He uses the smaller fork, you think, to poke at her salad. You’re not into kale, you find it dense, but you know better to complain or decline. Just like with her son. You gulp and grab your fork. It’s like when your great grandmother made you that olive and cottage cheese delicacy you vomited into her garden. The salad is more palatable. 

You taste it, hoping the task of chewing can save you from talking. They all are exceedingly skilled at that and you don’t have much to offer. If you try, that screaming inside your head might escape to the outside. 

You wince as Thor rests his large hand on the back of your chair. 

“She’s a very clever woman. She works with electronics. Oh, and is she attending classes.” 

You swallow and nearly choke. He’s bragging about the lamest things in your life. Your job is boring and you don’t really do anything with the computers yourself. And classes... you’re just trying to pad your resume. 

“It’s very important to get an education,” Odin intones. “What’s more important is what you do with it. I spent a fortune on two engineering degrees for this one...” he shakes his head. “And look where he ended up.” 

You’re even more confounded by that revelation. Thor? An engineer? What on earth got him put in prison? You try not to delve too far into that riddle. It’s probably best to ignore that. How many red flags did you already ignore? What’s another. 

“It’s nothing special. Just... business admin. Basic stuff,” you shrug.  

Frigga’s eyes narrow and Odin tilts his head. They aren’t impressed and they shouldn’t be. That might be something. If they don’t approve of you... 

“And... I’m stuck with my parents still so... you know...” You add. 

“She is saving money. For us,” Thor assures. “You know things are difficult these days and father always said there is value in hard work.” 

“Mm, so I said,” Odin drawls. “Certainly, I hear your brother took that to heart. I hear he’s hired help.” 

“Oh?” Thor sniffs. “And still he could not come see me?” 

“He has not come to see all of us. Your mother only chanced upon him herself. Hasn’t even the time to pick up the phone for her--” 

“He is busy,” Frigga assures Odin as she pets his hand. “He will be here for your father’s birthday. That is what matters. And his assistant, she was darling. Though he was in a state. You know how he can be. Perhaps you might ask his advice, Thor. He could help you find some work.” 

“Hm, I suppose I could try asking,” Thor shifts, retracting his hand from the back of your chair. “I am not helpless. I have plans...” 

“Yes, son, you have told us the same many times. I believe the day before your sentencing,” Odin scoffs. “A bit old now to be falling back into bad habits.” 

“Father. I’ve turned myself around and she,” he reaches over to take your hand, your fork scraping your plate, “will keep me straight.” 

“Right,” Odin crosses his arms and leans back. “Don’t tell me so, show me.” 

“Father, I--” Thor clears his throat.  

Silence rises with a rippling tension. You look between his parents. You piece together the few clues you have. You can’t really begrudge them their doubt. You have your own. 

“Well, I have one in particular,” Thor pushes his chair back and keeps hold of your hand.  

He slides your fork free and puts it on the table. You peek up at him, confused. He kicks his chair back and he turns, lowering himself to one knee with a grunt. He digs in his pocket with his other hand and pulls out a band with a large diamond sparkling in the light. 

Frigga gasps and you gurgle. Odin sighs. 

“My queen, how I’ve waited so long for us to be together and now I can’t hardly wait for it to be. Please, will you make me your king?” He holds up the ring. You could fold over and evaporate into the floor. Sweat glazes over your face and your scalp itches. What do you say? 

“Um,” you sniff and blink. Your options are many. You really don’t have any. You’re too afraid of even saying no to him. Even with witnesses. “Yes?” 

He squeezes your hand and you let out a fluttery noise. Your heart is thumping, deafening you as the world pinpoints to his grip on you. He opens his hand and slides the ring onto your finger. You stare at the large rectangle diamond framed in smaller diamonds on a gold band. It must be expensive. 

A chair scrapes and you wince. You look over as Odin clucks and turns on his heel. He swipes up his can from against the table and marches out. Not a word, not a look. You look at Frigga as she gives a gentle smile. 

“He’s in shock, I think,” she says. 

You glance at Thor as he stares after his father. His face falls. He lets go of you and gets up, another groan as he does. He sits in his chair and frowns. 

“I thought he’d be happy,” Thor mutters. 

“Oh, of course he’s happy for you, son,” she affirms and reaches across to her son. He takes her hand. “I am. Don’t you worry.” 

“He didn’t say anything,” Thor sneers. 

“Thor, it’s been a lot. You’ve been away from us for so long and now this... it’s all very sudden. We’ve just met this lovely woman.” She looks at you kindly. “What are your plans? For the wedding?” 

“I have my trust,” Thor recoils and crosses his arms, almost petulant. At his size, the bratty demeanour is almost laughable. “I was not entirely unproductive in prison. I only ever did what needs to be done. Mother, you know I am not a cruel person. I’ve made mistakes, I admitted them. And you all hold it against me.” 

“No, we don’t, darling--” 

“You do! But only my diamond forgive me. She is so kind and--” he huffs. “He couldn’t even stay and face me. Congratulate me. Worse, he’s disrespected my future wife.” 

Wife? You could faint. You brace the sides of the chair to keep from doing just that. 

“Dear,” Frigga’s eyes meet yours. “Are you unwell?” 

You shake your head. You lean forward and catch yourself against the table. You reach for the tall glass by your plate. 

“I only need water,” you assure her. 

“Mm, yes, we shouldn’t let all this go to waste,” she tuts. “You know, your father just needs time. He is like you and your brother. You only need simmer in your thoughts then you come to sense. Eventually.” 

🩷

Leaving brings both relief and dread. You are glad to be free of the repressive exuberance of Thor’s family estate but uneasy at the prospect of being alone with him. Again. 

You sit in the passenger seat and stare at your hand. The large stone is as heavy as a boulder. You are not Sisyphus. You’re not sure how much further you can get it up the hill. 

“I am so happy. Are you?” He asks. 

You sit up and suck in a thick breath. You are many things. Afraid, lost, almost mourning. You regret being so stupid. Those idiotic emails were only meant to be... well, an ego boost. You are so pathetic, you wanted desperate men to tell you lies. And you told your own. 

“Thor,” you utter cautiously. “It’s a very nice ring and a very nice gesture but... I’m still very young and I don’t have much. I think maybe--” You pause and weigh your words; does the boulder roll back to the bottom of the hill? “Maybe that’s why your dad wasn’t happy. Because I’m not—not the right person for you right now--” 

He slams on the brakes. You squeal as the seat belt keeps you from hitting the dash. A car honks and serves around him. He ignores them. 

“Not right for me? You are the only one for me,” he insists. “My queen, you said yes to me.” 

“I did. I—I didn’t want to have this conversation there. It’s not that... It’s... I’m... I have to finish school and right now isn’t good for me--” 

“You don’t need school. I will take care of you--” 

“Thor, I can take care of myself--” 

“It is my job to take of you,” he snarls. 

You lean away from him, startled by his deeper tone. In the cabin of the truck, he is even bigger. You wipe your sweaty hand on your skirt. 

“It’s very sweet of you but--” 

“You said yes,” he growls. 

You blink, eyes tinging with moisture. You wet your lips. Your throat is scratchy. 

“Yes,” you nod. “Thor... My parents... you know, I think maybe before we decide anything I need to talk to them.” 

“Oh, I will be speaking with this man, this stepfather of yours. I will not be asking anything of him either. I will be telling him,” he says. 

You gulp. While the idea of him intimidating Andy is on the surface amusing, it’s deeply troubling too. You don’t want your family to know anything about Thor. 

“Well, let me talk to them first.”  

Another car honks and you look out the back window. Thor is unbothered by the roadblock he’s caused. You are about to melt into a puddle. 

“Can I be honest?” You ask. 

He stares and nods. The lines in his face trace his displeasure. Your eyes wander to his rounded muscular silhouette and his thick hands. The intrusive thought of them around your neck make you squirm. What if he killed someone? 

“I didn’t tell them yet,” you blurt out. It’s true but still a lie because it isn’t the truth you kept from him. “My family. I never mentioned you. I... never told them about anyone so I think they might be surprised and, so, er, can’t you let me... tell them first?” 

He looks at you. His forehead wrinkles. He exhales through his nose. Another car lays on their horn. He shakes his head and sits straight. 

“I suppose...” he mutters as he hangs his head. The horn continues to blare. 

He grips the wheel and he face twists in agitation. He peels his fingers off and balls his hands to fists. He hits the steering wheel and snarls. 

Before you can react, he taps the button on his seat belt and it retracts. He swings open the door, mindless to oncoming traffic, and gets out of the car. He lands heavy on his feet and marches along the side of the truck. 

You panic and scramble to untangle yourself from your seat belt. You fall out of the truck as you hear him hollering. 

“You honking at me?” Thor barks as he approaches the other car. “You’re messing with the wrong man.” You sprint around the truck bed as he gets to the driver’s window. He bends to snarl through, “why don’t you open up and face me, eh? Coward!” 

“Thor, please, get back in the car,” you scurry over. “Please, we’re in the way--” 

“No, he has no patience!” He hits the top of the car and leaves a dent. You gasp. It looks as if it took him no effort at all. 

The man in the car is frightened. He curls over his wheel and revs in a futile effort to scare away the raging giant. You grab Thor’s hand and pet his forearm. 

“Thor...” you peek once more at the scared driver. It’s your fault. All of this is your fault. “My king.” You coo at him shakily. “Please get back in the truck and take me home.” 

“He is disturbing us! He could go around--” 

“Thor!” You nearly shriek. “How can I marry you if you are so angry? If you do not listen to me?” 

His eyes round and he twitches as if he’s been struck. He looks at you and his face turns grim. “Marry me?” 

“I didn’t-- I wasn’t saying no. I was just saying—asking for some time,” you look him in the eye, caressing him, calming him like a riled dog. “But I can’t marry someone who does these things.” 

He lowers his head. He actually looks guilty. He nods and turns. He bends and taps gently on the window. He waves his hand. 

“Sorry about that. Bad day,” he gives a sheepish grin. “Here.” He lets you go and takes out his wallet. He takes out a couple of bills; each at least a hundred dollars. “For the roof.” 

He tucks the money under the wiper and stands straight. He latches onto you again and drags you away. He sighs out the tension. 

“You are right, my queen.” He says. “This is why I need you. To keep me in my right mind.” 

[lcvejjoong]

never liked you

pairing : playboy! wooyoung x nerd! fem! reader

synopsis : You thought he was different. But when the truth unraveled, so did everything you believed about love.

genre : fluff, angst

warnings : none

author’s note : ngl i crashed out somewhere near the end but it was fun to write ig 🥹

word count : 4.5k

──────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────────────

Does love ever last?

You didn’t know.

You never really tried to find out. Having many exams to ace and projects to finish, it didn’t really help in your love life.

Come on, just give him a try. You never know, maybe he’s the one!

You were willing at first, thinking that nothing will go wrong. But when your classmate ran into class bawling her eyes out after her boyfriend dumped her, you hesitated.

After a few days of thinking, you told the boy that you weren’t ready for that kind of commitment yet. That resulted in an awkward moment for him, considering the fact that he had a bunch of flowers in his hand.

You felt bad. Really bad. You liked him, yes, but you were afraid that whatever happened to your classmate will happen to you.

You never really thought about it after. Several boys put letters and gifts in your locker on Valentines, but they all went unanswered, courtesy of you cooped up in your dorm, furiously reading through your notes and pulling all-nighters for exams.

Your friends had begged you to try again, saying that your life will be ‘boring’ and ‘lonely’. You brushed them off, saying that studying is your life. “Plus, I have you guys,” you added, nudging them while laughing.

But then again, life has other plans for you.

──────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────────────

Love.

The teacher’s sharp voice brought you back from your daydreaming.

You looked up to see her standing by the door with a student, saying something about being late. Although you were seated at the far back of the room, you could make out the tall figure and the long black hair of the boy.

His eyes met yours, and he gave you a smirk with a playful wink.

You turned away, rolling your eyes.

Jung Wooyoung. The school’s playboy, known for breaking girl’s hearts.

For fun.

And though you have zero interest in him, you found your cheeks feeling a little hot. Luckily, the teacher didn’t notice, ushering Wooyoung back to his seat before beginning the lesson.

Once again, you were drifting off, staring outside the window thinking about what to eat during your break.

Suddenly, you heard : “Jung Wooyoung and Kang Y/N.”

You whipped your head to board, finding a big ‘Research Project’ written on it. “This project will be 50% of your final grade, so please take it seriously. If you have any questions, feel free to email me.” The teacher continued, stacking up her books and preparing to leave the classroom.

You hurriedly packed your bag, ignoring the calls of your classmates. Your head was a mess. There was no way this was happening.

“Y/N!” Wooyoung’s voice cut through the hallway, causing you to walk faster.

He jogged up in front of you, waving several pieces of paper in your face.

“You forgot to take the project paper. Luckily, I got you,” he winked.

You scoffed, snatching the paper and continuing your walk to your dorm to reflect on what you did to deserve this.

His fingers closed around your wrist, bringing you to a sudden stop and forcing you to face him.

You tried to pull away, but his grip only tightened.

“Let go of my hand,” you said, your voice low and threatening.

He held your gaze and said, “Look, I don’t care what you think about me — I need this grade.”

You pulled back slightly, startled. “I thought you didn’t care about grades.”

“Unfortunately, I can’t risk being kicked out of school, so I’ll have to make do.” He smiled a little, releasing your hand. “So, your place? Mine’s a little messy.”

You let out a breath. “Alright. 1 p.m. tomorrow. Don’t be late.”

He did a little salute and said, “Can’t wait!” before running off.

“Don’t forget to bring your books!” you yelled, earning a faint “Yes, madam” in return.

──────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────────────

You didn’t know if you were anxious or excited.

Staring at the cookies baking in the oven, you were leaning on the small table top in your kitchenette. Brushing your fingers against your wrist, you remember the gentle but firm grip of his hand.

There was just something about him that made you constantly think about…

The sharp doorbell interrupted your train of thought. Hurriedly, you opened the door to find Wooyoung standing outside, books on one hand and a plastic bag on the other.

“Hey,” he smiled, lifting the bag he was holding, “I brought us some drinks.”

“Come in.” you replied, offering him a small smile, stepping aside to make way for him.

He took in a breath and asked, “Are you baking cookies?” You nodded, “Yea, I was bored so I figured I’d bake while waiting for you.”

“Well it must be a sign because I love cookies,” he grinned, helping himself on the couch. He took the plastic bag and pulled out 2 drinks, handing one over.

You took it tentatively, looking at it with an unsure expression.

Noticing your hesitance, he chuckled and said, “Don’t worry, I didn’t poison it.” You looked at him with utter disbelief. “It’s not that. This is actually my favourite drink. Only my closest friends know that.”

“Then I must be destined to be your friend.” He joked. You rolled your eyes, muttering a ‘whatever’.

But what you didn’t realise was that you were smiling.

──────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────────────

After a few hours of reading, writing, joking around and munching on cookies, you were finally done with a section of the project. You let out a huge yawn, stretching your arms while briefly closing your eyes.

When you opened them, you found Wooyoung staring at you.

“Is there something on my face?” You panicked, hurriedly wiping at whatever unknown particle on your skin.

He didn’t say anything, only standing up from where he sat. You quickly stood up, thinking he was going to leave already.

But instead of going towards the door, he made his way towards you.

He took a step closer, then stopped, just inches from you, his body trembling slightly.

His hand hovered, uncertain, near your cheek. His fingers twitched, just a fraction of a movement, as if they wanted to reach out.

Your breath hitched, waiting. He leaned in, lips hovering right above yours. You could feel the heat in the air, making your heart race, the beat quick and erratic, like it was trying to escape from your chest. You could feel his breath hitting your nose, shallow and fast.

You wanted to pull away. But a part of you made you stay where you were. Your mouth went dry as you watched him licked his lips, and unknowingly, you leaned in closer.

“Are you sure…?” he whispered, his voice barely audible, as if asking for your permission.

You didn’t answer, your mind not responding. Slowly, almost painfully so, he closed the gap. His hand moved to your jaw, finally touching your skin, the warmth of his face grounding you in the moment.

Then, with a hesitation that stretched out like an eternity, he kissed you.

And without thinking, you kissed him back.

The kiss wasn’t rushed, wasn’t forceful. It was gentle, tentative, as though he were testing the waters, feeling you out. It was the kiss of someone who had wanted this for a long time but was too afraid to make the first move.

When you pulled away, both of you breathless, his hand lingered against your cheek, his thumb grazing your skin. You didn’t say anything, heart pounding in your chest, still racing from the kiss, but your mind was slow to catch up.

He didn’t move, didn’t say anything right away. Instead, he just stared at you, his lips still slightly parted, eyes wide, like he was processing it too. And that uncertainty… it made you feel even more exposed. Was he playing you? Or was he waiting for you to say something? Your mouth felt dry again.

“I…” he started, the expectancy growing in your heart. But his words trailed off, and the panic rushed back into you.

“I’m sorry, did…did I scare you?” he asked. “I shouldn’t have done that.” His hand dropped from your cheek. He straightened, shuffling back.

“Uhm…I should probably get going. It’s pretty late.” You didn’t trust yourself to say anything, so you just nodded. Picking up his bag and making his way to the door, he gave you a soft smile and said “Thanks for today, y/n,” before stepping out of your dorm.

That night, you lay in bed, tangled in blankets, staring up at the ceiling as if you could find the answers to your questions hidden in the cracks of the paint, before falling into a dreamless sleep.

──────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────────────

“Y/n!”

You blinked. Once. Twice. Your head jerked toward the front of the room.

Your teacher was staring right at you, arms crossed. The rest of the class turned in unison, a wave of curious glances and stifled snickers.

“You want to join us back on Earth?” she said, voice laced with just enough sarcasm to make your cheeks flush.

You looked down, embarrassed, from all the stares of the classroom, especially from Wooyoung, who was sitting a few tables away.

You purposely came earlier to avoid seeing him at his usual spot against the lockers, and ignored the texts he sent.

You couldn’t stop replaying it. Every detail was etched in your memory: the way his hand had brushed your cheek, the way his breath had felt against your skin, the quiet after the kiss when neither of you spoke. Your heart fluttered in your chest as you tried to ignore the warmth spreading over your cheeks.

Stop thinking about it, you told yourself. There was no reason to. No reason to replay that moment over and over again, imagining how it would feel, how it might change everything. You clenched your fist around your sleeve. Wooyoung was a playboy. It didn’t mean anything to him. It didn’t mean anything to you.

But part of you wanted to believe that it did. You weren’t sure what it meant, or why it made you feel so… unsteady.

You sighed, rubbing your temples, attempting to calm yourself down. Glancing at the clock, you were relieved to find the class ending in a minute. Great, I won’t see him for another two days after this. You hurriedly shoved your books in your bag, waiting for the signal to leave from your teacher. Once you heard ‘that’s all for today’, you bolted out of the classroom.

You turned the corner of the hallway, turning back to check if anyone had followed you. You let out a small breath of relief, straightening your clothes before walking away calmly.

“Y/n.”

You turned on your heel, attempting to run. You didn’t want to talk about it. Didn’t want to look at him. Didn’t want to see what was written all over his face—regret? Confusion? Or worse… nothing at all.

But you didn’t get far.

A hand wrapped around your wrist, firm but gentle, halting you in your tracks. Your breath caught as you turned halfway, refusing to meet his eyes.

You didn’t answer, still not meeting his gaze. “Why are you avoiding me?” You didn’t answer, still not meeting his gaze. “Is it because of yesterday?”

You kept your gaze down. Your free hand clenched.

“It was a mistake,” you said. He let out a short breath, almost like a laugh but not quite. “Then why are you running?”

You flinched at that. Not enough for anyone to notice, but he did.

He was still holding your wrist, but not pulling you back. Just waiting.

“I’m not running,” you said, still not facing him.

“Right.” A pause. “Then look at me.”

You didn’t. Couldn’t.

You shook your head. “I’ve got class.”

“Say that, then,” he said, quiet but certain. “But don’t stand there and pretend that kiss meant nothing. Not when you’re shaking like that.”

You hated that he could feel it—how your wrist trembled ever so slightly in his hand.

Slowly, you turned to face him. Your expression was guarded, eyes hard. The kind of look you give someone when you're trying not to fall apart in front of them.

“Did it even mean anything to you?” you asked.

His jaw tensed slightly, like he hadn’t expected the question. Like he’d been preparing for a fight—not honesty. But he didn’t answer.

Your heart sank. You had expected it, but it still hurt more than you thought it would. You shook your head, “Like I thought, it didn’t. Another fling for the playboy.” You attempted to yank your hand from his grip, but it only got tighter.

“Don’t,” he whispered. “Don’t say it like that.” You shook your head, “But it’s true, isn’t it. I’m just a fling to you, another random girl for you to kiss.”

“But you're not.” He said. “I…I wanted it to mean something. I just thought that you didn’t want it to be anything.”

You froze. Did you hear him correctly?

He looked down. “I like you. I really do. But if you don’t want to, I understand.” He dropped your hand and sighed. “I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.” He was about to walk away but you stopped him.

“Do you mean it? Do you actually like me?” You questioned. He paused, turning around. “I do. I asked the teacher for tuition and used it as an excuse to be paired with you.”

Then, unexpectedly, you smiled.

Not big. Not dramatic. Just this small, sideways grin tugging at the corner of your mouth, the kind that betrayed everything you’d been trying to hide.

“I like you too,” you said, turning to face him fully now. “I was confused at first. But I think…” you paused, looking up at him, “I think I acted by my feelings.”

“You really thought I kissed you just to run away forever?” you asked, not even bothering to hide the laugh in your voice.

His mouth parted, like he wanted to say something, maybe even smile back. You looked at him, and something in his face shifted. The hesitation was gone, replaced by this slow, surprised softness.

“I didn’t know you could talk like that.” You laughed, and he grinned. “Does that make you my girlfriend now?” Your eyes lit up, and you gave him a small nod. He opened his arms and you naturally sank into them, wrapping your arms around him as he embraced you. “I won’t be going anywhere,” he whispered.

And for once, you believed him.

──────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────────────

It’s been a few months now.

And somehow, it still catches you off guard sometimes—like when he grabs your hand without thinking, or says something under his breath in class that makes you laugh when you were supposed to be paying attention. Or when he looks at you like you were the only person in the room, even when the hallway was packed.

You never made a big deal out of it. No announcements, no labels screamed into the void. Just you and him. Quiet moments. Shared playlists. Fingers brushing across notebooks. Late-night calls where you don’t even say much, just listen to each other breathe.

And it’s easy. Easier than you expected. No games. No second-guessing. Just someone who makes you feel like you can show up exactly as you are—and he’ll still look at you like you matter.

Your friends had been skeptical at first, given his reputation in school. But after seeing how happy you were with him, they didn’t say anything.

After all, they were the ones who had asked you to get a boyfriend.

Maybe you can finally answer your own question. Maybe love does last forever.

But then again, life isn’t always that easy.

It was a typical Friday evening, and you were seated on Wooyoung’s couch, fidgeting with his hoodie on your lap.

You two will usually meet at his place to watch a movie every week, but today he texted you, saying that he would be late due to a hold up in class, telling you to make yourself comfortable and pick a movie while waiting for him.

Putting the controller down on the table, you got up to prepare some snacks to eat during the movie. Bringing the bowl to the small table in front of the couch, you were about to take a bite of the chocolate when your phone buzzed. Thinking it was Wooyoung, you quickly picked up your phone to reply to him, only to see an unknown number pop up on your screen.

At first you thought it was a scam. But when you unlocked your phone to block it, you found a shirt video followed by a “I’m sorry.” after. Curiosity got the better of you and you tapped into the chat.

The video was taken at an awkward angle, suggesting that the person was recording in secret. You turned your head to getting a better view of the people in it.

There were three boys gathered around a hooded guy leaning against the lockers and they were talking about something. The recorder moved closer, opening a locker to make him or her less suspicious. The guy leaning on the locker turned his head, revealing the unmistakable dark hair of Wooyoung. Your heart fluttered at the sight of him, eyes darting towards the bowl of chocolates waiting on the table.

You snapped your focus back to the video when the guy with a perfect slim nose asked, “So, you gonna target any girls this term?” Wooyoung shrugged, “I don’t know man. There’s no more fun girls anymore.” “That’s because you got them all already.” The guy with long silver hair and feminine features joked, nudging Wooyoung with his shoulder. “Now you’re just flattering me.” Wooyoung laughed.

The guy that looked like a giant puppy then said, “Isn’t there a girl in your class called Y/n?” “You mean Kang Y/n?” Wooyoung mused, “She’s a nerd in my literature class.” The silver-haired guy commented, “The girl sitting at the back of your class? She’s cute. You should try her.”

The guy with the slim nose shook his head. “She’s known for being obsessed with her studies. Her friends say she’s impossible to get to.” He sighed, “Poor Jongho wasted his money on the bouquet of flowers and got rejected. He really liked her.”

The giant puppy guy turned to Wooyoung and said, “If you can make her fall for you in a week's time, I’ll buy you new strings and a strap for your guitar.” Wooyoung straightened from his position, “Add in a new stand and I’ll do it.” The puppy guy smirked, “Done.” They shook hands and the screen turned black.

It then switched to another scene. Wooyoung and his friends appeared to be at a bench in the schoolyard, and you recalled the outfit he was wearing after sending you to class.

“So, how did you do it?” The silver-haired dude asked. Wooyoung took a sip of his soda, “The literature teacher loves to pair us according to the alphabetical order. Persuading her to meet at her house was a piece of cake. I didn’t really do anything much. ” The puppy guy chuckled, “Now you’re just flexing.”

“While you wait for your prize to come, you should be worried about how to get rid of the girl,” the slim nosed guy smirked.

Wooyoung laughed. “Real. I never liked her anyways. She was so easy to fool.” he says, taking another sip from his can before the screen pauses, marking the end of the video.

You sat still, knees pulled to your chest, phone resting loosely in your hand. The video played again—you didn’t mean to hit replay, but maybe a part of you needed to hear it twice. Needed to be sure.

His voice, once warm and familiar, felt foreign now. Sharp in ways it had never been with you.

Every word peeled something away. A layer of trust. A piece of the girl who thought she knew him. Your chest felt hollow, like someone had carved out everything good and left only silence.

You didn’t know what to think. Right now, you just felt small. Embarrassed. Like you’ve been the only one playing a role in a story you thought was real.

The signs were so obvious. The way he suddenly showed a random interest in you. You knew the teacher for 2 years. You knew that she loved to pair students by the alphabet. Not only that, but the obvious fact that he was a playboy. Your friends had warned you many times, but you had ignored them, saying that he had changed for you.

You didn’t cry right away. It wasn’t sadness at first—it was numbness. A quiet dissociation from the version of yourself that had believed in him so completely.

And somewhere underneath all that numbness, a quiet seed of anger started to grow. Not for him, not yet. But at yourself—for not seeing it sooner.

You loved him loudly, unafraid, thinking that he really changed. But in the end, it only resulted in his betrayal and your heartbreak.

Keys jingled, and the door creaked open.

“Baby! I’m back!” The sound of his voice cracked something in you. It sounded so sincere. Unlike what the video suggested.

Wooyoung appeared in front of you, giving you a soft smile and pecking your cheek. “Sorry I’m late,” he said, sitting down beside you, “the teacher couldn’t stop talking.” He picked up a piece of chocolate, taking a bite. “Where did you buy this? It tastes so good.”

When you didn't reply, he stopped. Putting the chocolate down, he reached for your hand, resting it on yours. “Baby, what’s wrong? Are you feeling unwell?” he asked, face scrunched up with worry.

You didn’t answer right away. Instead, you pulled out your phone, found the video again, and placed it face up between you.

His smile faltered, face going pale. His hand twitched on the table. “Where.. did you get this?”

“Why?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

He shook his head, struggling to get the words out. “That was a long time ago. It isn’t like that anymore, y/n. I do love y- ”.

You looked at him, shifting back a little. “Do you really?” You gestured to your phone, “Because it shows that you're just playing me. Like the playboy people warned me about.”

“Y/n, please listen. It was just a stupid bet- ”

“Is that all I am to you? A stupid bet?” You questioned, tears slowly forming at the bed of your eyes.

“I should have known,” you said. Your voice broke a little on the last word, but you swallowed it down. “you would never change. You’re a liar, a player. You are a coward.”

He reached across the table, but you pulled your hands back, folding them tightly in your lap.

“I trusted you,” you whispered. “I loved you.”

“I know,” his voice shaking, “I know. It wasn’t true at first. But over time, you made me feel nothing like I’ve never felt before. I fell for you instead.” You turned away, unable to stop the tears flowing down your face.

He kneeled down before you. “Please Y/n…give me another chance. I’ll treat you better.”

He said your name like it was a prayer, like it could undo what he’d done. But prayers are for the desperate, and you weren't desperate anymore.

You stood up, wiped your tears, and gathered your things. Your movements were careful, deliberate. You didn’t rush, didn’t stumble — you refused to show that you were devastated.

You didn’t look back as you ran out the door, the cold night air hitting your face like a slap. You wrapped your arms around yourself and kept running, each step feeling impossibly heavy.

You could hear Wooyoung running after you, calling your name over and over again. But you didn’t falter, not until you reached the familiar door in front of you, pushing it open and steeping inside.

You collapsed onto the cold floor, your knees giving out as the weight of it all finally caught up to you. The silence around you felt heavy, like even the walls were holding their breath. Tears streamed down your face, hot and fast, leaving damp trails on your cheeks as you pressed your hands into the ground, trying to steady yourself against the shaking in your chest.

Your sobs were broken and uneven, small gasps of pain you couldn’t hold back anymore. It wasn’t just sadness—it was frustration, fear, loneliness all tangled together. And in that moment, sitting there with nothing but the sound of your own heartbreak, you let yourself fall apart, because you couldn’t pretend to be strong any longer.

In your head, you replayed everything—every small look, every inside joke, every moment that once made you believe you two were unbreakable. You thought about your first date, awkward and sweet, and about all the times he made you feel like you were the only girl in the world.

You pressed your face into your hands, breathing in slow, shaky gulps of air, calming yourself down. You laid on the floor, curled up until sleep overtook you.

──────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────────────

After that night, you decided to take a break from your studies.

You spend most of your time in bed, sometimes shedding tears, rethinking your days with him. Otherwise you were just staring into your ceiling, mind empty.

You had received several texts from Wooyoung, asking about your wellbeing or saying that he was sorry, wanting to meet up and talk it out. But you ignored him, putting your phone on do not disturb.

2 weeks went by, and you decided that you were not going to fall behind on your studies just because of some stupid break up.

When you walked into class, you were greeted by some of your friends, answering questions and assuring them that you were fine.

As you were talking out your books for class, the door opened, and you heard your teacher nagging. You looked up, and your breath instantly stopped. Standing at the classroom door, Wooyoung looked up at you, eyes wide. He had cut his hair short and dyed it blonde, enhancing his facial features.

You looked down, avoiding his gaze, and started to chat with your friend. At the corner of your eye, you could see him bowing to the teacher, walking towards his seat. His eyes lingered on you for a moment before sitting down.

You could constantly feel his eyes on you during the lesson, but you ignored him, acting like you have never talked to him before.

When the class ended, you didn’t bother to rush out of class. Packing your bag slowly, you could feel Wooyoung deciding to approach you. But after a few seconds, he turned away, following his friends out of the classroom. You breathed a sigh of relief, slinging your bag over your shoulder and making your way out.

You entered the schoolyard, a drink in your hand, and sat down on a bench.

And you realised you finally had an answer to your question.

Does love ever last?

No, it doesn’t.

───────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────────

© lcvejjoong, 2025

[topthreedetectives]

been thinking about what instruments ace attorney characters would've played as band kids, and i've reached a few conclusions:

original trilogy characters:

miles edgeworth: we already know he used to play the flute so obviously that, i think he would also have learned how to play piano and violin at home. maybe he'd even be in color guard at some point!! then later on, maybe junior year and onwards, he'd be the drum major

phoenix wright: this one was tricky at first but then it hit me - he wanted to sit next to edgeworth in class so he based his decision entirely on miles' (sound familiar?) however, they never actually end up sitting next to each other because phoenix usually gets close to last chair and miles always gets first chair. maybe he joins edgeworth in color guard and ends up really good at it, becoming the captain after a year or two! the idea of him being a drum major with edgeworth is frickin adorable, i'm still unsure about it though. maybe he could help out color guard in his free time? very conflicted about this as i think he would really love being in color guard but also. they would be AMAZING drum majors together. so i'm leaning towards yes on drum major in senior year

larry butz: despite wanting to sit with edgeworth and phoenix, he thought flutes were too "girly" so he tried to learn the saxophone because he thought it would be cool and he'd have girls falling for him (i've witnessed this phenomenon many times). he could NOT make a sound on one without squeaking horrendously, though, so he ended up playing trombone instead after playing trumpet for a bit and being forced to switch because he was WAY. TOO. LOUD. (he was miserable for awhile after being switched each time, he thought he was doing amazing.....) let's be honest, he's a band drop out and switches to art once it becomes an alternative for an art credit. he still watches the band play for nick and edgey at games, though!

maya fey: this was another hard one, but i think she would play saxophone. it just fits!!! some other contenders were percussion (in the pit for marching season) and trombone or baritone

pearl fey: my initial gut reaction was flute, and while i didn't wanna choose something so blatantly obvious, i also can't ignore WHY it's so blatantly obvious. so, flute player it is (occasionally playing the piccolo for concert season)

mia fey: this one was TOUGH my goodness. i landed on bari sax but im still not completely sold, so feel free to suggest something better lol

godot: now THIS is a saxophone player if i've ever seen one. i think he knows tenor and bari, but only plays tenor for band stuff. he's usually the one who gets the solos because of course he does. he and mia play killer sax duets together for solo and ensemble :3

franziska von karma: at first i was thinking flute because she would wanna have that rivalry with edgeworth, but i think she'd actually play french horn!! she'd know piano and violin along with him anyway, so that's where the rivalry can be. maybe color guard for marching season? i think she'd like "accidentally" dropping rifles on miles during practice, hehe

dick gumshoe: TUBA. omg tuba. it's perfect. at first he wouldn't be sure what to play, so it's recommended to him because he'd be able to carry it easily and have the lungs for it. he'd fall in love with it pretty fast!

apollo justice characters:

apollo justice: trumpet. need i even say more.

trucy wright: clarinet OBVIOUSLY like this isn't even up for discussion. you could make an argument for french horn, but it's not even close. she also ends up in color guard, they basically make magic happen on the field so she'd love it! i could see her being captain of the color guard, too. when phoenix finds out, he gets all emotional and trucy gets stoked that she's following in her father's footsteps. i think she would become drum major at some point, and miles upon learning this would also become an emotional mess

kristoph gavin: this is the french horniest french horn that's ever french horned. i'm sorry i don't make the rules.

klavier gavin: he might play guitar, but not in band. he'd be a percussionist HANDS DOWN. i think he'd wanna be in drumline during marching season so he could be on the field or he'd be in color guard. in fact, scratch that first part- he's DEFINITELY doing color guard. i was also considering him being a trumpet player since he's kind of the trumpet to kristoph's french horn (god i hope that makes sense that's just so them to me), so maybe he'd play both! he's very musically inclined, after all, so him playing multiple instruments just makes sense!

investigations characters:

shi-long lang: another saxophone! i REALLY wanted to give him trumpet because he's one of my favs and i'm biased, but. c'mon. i mean, have you HEARD his theme.

raymond shields/eddie fender: don't give him saxophone don't give him saxophone don't give him saxophone WAIT. trombone. it was so obvious!!! i'm sure he learns sax at some point, but his main instrument is trombone. i could also see him playing percussion (pit for marching season) or trumpet

if you're here, ty for listening to me nerd out about this!!! more characters may be band-geek-ified in the future :>

if anyone has any ideas of their own, i'd love to hear them!!!

[cherrynpink]

freak like me

pairing: nerdy!dino x f!reader

genre: project partners, mutual pining, lots of daydreaming, smut (with a bit of plot) MDNI!

warnings: shy cutesy dino who has my heart (he is a secret freak!), dino and chan are both used interchangeably, oc has nerd kink (ahem), forward oc, cursing, a bit of manipulation?, too many thirsty thoughts, kissing, choking, spit kink, unprotected sex (do not do this!), oral sex (m. receiving), fingering, clit stimulation, brat!oc, brattamer!dino, mean dino, he calls oc slut/whore, dirty talk!!!, riding, missionary position, creampie, size kink?, crying, hair grabbing, ass slapping, orgasm denial, cum eating, it is honestly filthy, lmk if i missed anything!

w.c.: 5.4k

playlist: freak like me

note: thank you so much for liking the last fic so much :( didn't expect such a positive reception so i was super motivated to write this one! plus these pictures of him did something to me like y'all don't get it like i do bcs i went crazy and HAD to write.

also u can message me here or comment if u want to be part of my taglist! my requests are open if u have something u wanna read, or just talk. feedback is highly appreciated hope u like this one hehe :3

“Right, so the semester end project will be a group project.” Your professor says as the whole class sighs in disappointment and annoyance.

“I know you all don’t like these group projects, but it’s compulsory guys, it’s worth 30% of your final grade. If it’s any consolation, I requested the dean to let it be done in pairs, so be a little grateful, I don’t want anyone coming up to me after class asking to change partners.”

Great. The only thing you hated more than group projects were the ones done in pairs. In spite of all the arguments in groups, atleast you didn’t have to do any work if you didn’t feel like it. But now not only will there be conflicts with your partner, but you’ll have to do half the work too. Just great.

“Y/n? miss y/n?” your professor calls pulling you out of your zoned out state as you raise your hand in confusion.

“You’ll be partnered with Mr. Chan.”

Oh. This was going to be fun. Not only was Chan really REALLY good at studies, but also so cute. You first met him just on the second day of class, when you asked him for a pencil because being klutz you are, you had forgotten you had that class that day and had practically rolled off your bed as your roommate woke you up minutes before it started, reaching a bit late and resulting in your professor scolding you. Chan had coyly given you the pencil, later passing you a note in the middle of the class written “you can ask me later if you have any doubts about what was taught before you arrived as you were a bit late :)”. Oh, he was so cute.

That was how your friendship started, though you never talked much outside of class- other than the occasional times he replied to your story or liked it, you and him were mostly formal with each other, never crossing the boundary of “classmates.”

Sometimes you would ask him for his notes, and being the nice guy he is, he would send the snapshots in a second. You would later leave an iced americano on his usual seat, as a gesture of thankfulness; and a note along with it. Sometimes when the professor’s voice cracked in the middle of the lecture, your eyes would find his- giving each other a slight smile.

It was always quick glances, polite words, and soft smiles, because you both never seemed to take it further. But you were tired now, tired of pretending you didn’t picture his face squished under your thighs, glasses all fogged up and your slick dripping down his chin. Tired of acting like you didn’t violate your poor pillow every other night imagining how he would sound with him in your throat.

Was he a head pusher? Or someone that just begged you to let him come? Would he let you tie him up? Or would he want to tie YOU up? you were sick of acting like he didn’t get you so so wet when he answered a question in class and fixed his glasses, and you had a plan to change that.

As the class ends, you see him coming up to you.

“Should we work at the library at 6 today? I’ll get us some coffee and snacks to eat while we work!” he says with a small smile on his face.

You could agree to the library at 6, after all he has pitched it so sweetly, but there is a devil on your shoulder that is actually so evil, because you hear a voice in your head saying no way you’re meeting him in a public place for the things you want to do with him.

“I’m a bit busy at 6 Chan, I-”

“Dino! You can call me dino too. All my friends usually call me that.” He says shyly.

You smile sweetly. “I’m a bit busy at 6 dino, I have my shift at the café.” You say pouting at him. They are blatant lies. You do not have your shift at the café today because it is closed, something about the owner being at a wedding, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“You can come over to my place at 10 if it’s okay with you? I doubt the library will the open till the time I get off work.” You feel a bit bad, but you’re just inviting him over because it’s more comfortable at home, right? Yeah! Nothing need to happen just because you’ll be alone with him. (You are lying to yourself at this point because there is no way you don’t lose your mind at the thought of being alone with him.)

“Oh, okay sure! text me the address, I’ll be there.” He says with a sweet smile and you might crush him because of how much you want to squish his cheeks right now.

Dino might go crazy. He’s not even sure if you could see he wasn’t paying attention to a thing you said, because he was too busy staring at your lips the entire time, and then your collarbones, until his eyes travelled to your tits trapped in your blouse which was just a little too tight. Tight enough to accentuate the curve of your breasts; but not letting them spill out- just tight enough.

On top of that, if he’s left alone with you, he has no idea how he’s going to prevent a tent from forming in his pants, so he opts for a oversized hoodie long enough to cover him and a pair of grey sweatpants because it is your house after all, he can dress casual, and he doesn’t want you to know he took 20 minutes to decide what he wore so that his outfit says-“hey, I’m casual and comfortable” and “I’m put together” at the same time.

He is sharp on time, you say to yourself as the bell rings. You’re a bit nervous approaching the door in your small plaid skirt and sweater, knowing how he always stares at you whenever you wear a skirt to class. Plus, you’re wearing a something a little special underneath it, just it case. You push the self-doubting thoughts to the back of your head as you open your door and he is a sight to see. He looks so delicious in those animal print framed glasses and messy hair, there is a glow on his face and oh, those stupid goddamn grey sweatpants. It is OVER for you.

“You’re very punctual, it’s exactly 10.” You giggle. “Your hair looks a bit of a mess dino, coming from another girl’s place?” you say as you smirk, leaning against the door.

“No! No, I just came from the gym, my hair is still a bit wet from the shower.” He says as he ruffles his hair and comes in, setting his bag on the table in your living room. Oh? Pretty boy goes to the gym as well, is there anything he doesn’t do. He usually only wore oversized hoodies and t-shirts to class, never really revealing his true figure; nor did you ever see him much in parties despite his friends being a part of the frat, so this was a new side of him you were seeing right now.

“My roommate is gonna be home in a bit, so we can work in my room, mhm?” you ask, acting intentionally doe eyed and innocent. Lies. They are all lies. Your roommate isn’t going to be home in a bit, she’s at her girlfriend’s dorm. And she is not going to be home until tomorrow after class. And maybe if Chan was thinking clearly, he would’ve asked why your roommate would mind you working in the living room with him. But he’s not thinking clearly, too busy staring at your legs and imagining his face between your thighs; so, forgive him if he isn’t at his highest functioning brain activity right now.

He murmurs a quiet okay as he follows you to your room as you lead him. And your room is so you. He doesn’t know how to explain it, because he doesn’t know you so well yet, but as soon as he enters through the door, he sees plushies laid out neatly on your bed, and your scent all around him. He can say posters of bands and movies dressing up your walls and random Sanrio figurines all around the room. He lays his bag on your bed, taking out his laptop as you sit next to him on your chair, and your skirt rides up, revealing your soft thighs further. And maybe his eyes are playing tricks on him, but he can almost see pink lace fabric peaking from underneath your skirt. And maybe you’re just a bit cold, but he swears he can see your nipples peeking through your sweater.

Every passing minute, he is making it so hard for you to keep your composure. He keeps sharing his ideas about the project and telling you what you should work on. Why is hearing him talk about physics so sexy? You don’t know what it is, but when you can’t help but think how hot he looks when he talks so passionately. Your panties are literally getting soaked as the time goes on. It’s been an hour, and he hasn’t even taken a second to look at you yet! You’re quite literally whoring yourself out for him and all he cares about is inductive motor or whatever the hell the project is about.

“Channie, can we move to the bed? I’m feeling a bit tired from my shift.” You say, fake yawning.

“Mmm? Oh sure.” It is over for him, he thinks to himself.

As you sit up on your bed, your skirt FULLY rides up, revealing your baby pink lace panties. You push it down gently, saying “oops” as you giggle. And something inside him snaps. All control he had, he’s lost it now and he physically cannot hold back anymore. His gaze darkens, as he pushes you down, his grip on your throat as he gets on top of you. You gasp as he takes you by surprise, but the shock lasts barely 5 seconds before you smirk.

You reach up as your lips find his, pulling him deeper into your mouth as you grab his hair. From the get go, it is passionate, and rough and messy, because both of you are left gasping for your breath- your cheeks rosy and your chest heaving. Deciding to tease him further, you bite his lip. He moans into your mouth, mumbling “brat.” Taking the opportunity, you slip your tongue into his mouth deepening the kiss, and it is so sloppy; neither of you willing to give up control. The heat between your legs grows because of the way his tongue fights with yours to take over, which has your head spinning.

“Channie” you moan, as you feel the hard press of his body against yours, the sound of your lips smacking together and your heavy gasping filling the room.

His hand reaches to lift your sweater slightly, fingers making contact with your bare skin as they keep moving upwards until they your lacy bra, delicately toying with the material.

“You wore this for me baby? Knew this was going to happen?”

All you do is giggle as you continue to kiss down his jaw, alternating between sucking and biting. But that doesn’t sit right with him, as his other hand wraps around your neck, squeezing just the right amount so that his grip is tight enough, but still allowing you to breathe, and suddenly you’re flooding your panties.

“This okay?” he asks, his eyes filled with concern and genuine worry, looking for any discomfort in your eyes, desperate for your approval to continue.

You nod, because it’s actually all you can do. He loosens the grip on your throat and begins to pull his hand away as he says “Fuck, if you want me to go on, you’re gonna have to answer me baby.”

You’re quick to bring his hand back on your neck, your head turning left and right in panic, “No! No, please I want it!” you say as he smirks at your desperate state.

“Yeah? Then answer me when I asked you a question baby. You wore this set for me pretty?”

“Just wanted you to notice me, pay attention to me.” You say between kisses.

“And you thought whoring yourself out would be the way to get my attention” he chuckles. “Thought it was a mistake when you flashed me, turns out baby’s just an attention whore.”

He gets off of you and the bed and a whine leaves your throat as he pulls you down by your ankles as your hips reach the foot of your bed in an instant as he begins taking off his glasses.

“No!” you protest. “don’t- don’t take them off, I like them.” You say timidly. He picks you up, flipping your previous position as he seats you on his lap, taking off his hoodie, and you cannot help but stare. You did not know he was SO built and buff, your eyes are practically eating him up as you feel drool building up in your mouth. Oh, you NEED to suck him off right now. And that’s pretty much all it takes for you as you get on your knees for him.

When you look up to him, there is hunger in his eyes, something you’ve never seen before, his gaze full of lust. He can’t remember how many times he’s pictured you like this, on your knees, so innocent, a pathetic expression on your face, waiting for him to give you your next instruction.

Those stupid man whore grey sweatpants, you need them off now.

You fumble with it’s band as you impatiently pull it down, revealing his Calvin Klein boxers, and you clearly have no time for this nonsense, rushing to pull his boxers down as well, all while he looks down on you, leaning back on the bed- hands on either side of him with a big cocky smirk on his face, because he cannot wait to see the next look on your face.

Your face: it’s so transparent, so revealing. It’s literally like you wear your heart on your sleeve. Everything you feel, you think, you want, it’s clear- plain as day on your face. And as soon as you pull his boxers off, there it is- pure amusement and shock, as his dick twitches at the sight of your wide doe eyes. You knew he has big, atleast that’s what you pictured in your nightly scenarios. But you did not know he was this big both in length and in girth as well, his angry tip staring at you, begging for your attention.

“Take your sweater off.” He demands. No pleas, no hesitance. An order. And who would you be to defy him? you teasingly take it off, all while a small smile adorns your lips as you through the sweater somewhere on the floor alongside his hoodie.

You take his length in your hand, rubbing your thumb over his tip- spreading his pre-cum around it as your eyes go from doe like to those of a siren as they stare straight into his, spitting right on it seductively and oh, he thinks he’s in love. You pump it up and down and fuck- you can’t even completely wrap your hand around it, giving it a little squeeze as you go along, building the tension. But he doesn’t seem too happy about it as he sighs in annoyance. He’s sick of your teasing, because even after his multiple attempts to discipline you, you’ve decided to continue being a brat.

In the blink of an eye, he takes your hand off of him, grabs you by your jaw and squeezes your cheeks between his thumb and fore finger- the rest of the them lying on your jaw, forcing to you part your lips slightly.

“Do you trust me y/n?” he says softly, yet his voice dripping with dominance as you nod.

“Open your mouth, tongue out baby.”

And what he does next takes you by surprise, as he leans down, collecting a glob of spit in his mouth as it drips down from his mouth to yours, making you moan as you close your eyes, feeling the warm liquid on your tongue.

“Swallow.” he says as he caresses your jaw. And his wish is your command; you let out a loud moan as you feel it travel down your throat.

“Good girl. You’ll listen to me now, yeah? No more teasing. I’ve been holding back until now but if you don’t behave, I’ll have to fuck you like the whore you are. Better yet, I’ll eat you out, and get you so so close. I’ll be at it for hours baby, I have no place to be, but I won’t let you cum. So, tell me, you’re gonna be a good girl for me now?”

And all you can do is nod as he smirks, because now, he holds the power over you, and you want him to take over you. Don’t want to think about anything, just do whatever he says. And he can see that, see you fully slipping into subspace.

He holds his dick in his hand, and as your mouth chases his tip, he slaps it against your cheek. All he does is laugh, because you just look so pathetic under him. Tits spilling out of your see through pink lace bra, eyes on the brink of tears, fists balled up in your lap because he won’t let you touch him.

He grabs your hair in a makeshift ponytail and slaps his dick against your other cheek as he says “tap my thigh twice in you wanna stop, okay?” and finally rubs his tip against your lips, parting them immediately as you engulf it in your mouth, sucking on it as if it’s a popsicle, swirling your tongue all around it, making him groan.

Slowly, he pushes his dick in inch by inch until it hits the back of your throat, and its laughable, because half of it still can’t be wrapped around your tiny mouth even though your jaw is doing gymnastics to accommodate half of him and he lets out a loud moan due to the insane pleasure it gives him. Since he won’t let you move yet, enjoying the feeling of cockwarming your mouth too much, you drag your tongue up and down, making him hiss.

Finally, he decides to fuck your throat, sliding your mouth up and down his dick as if your mouth is just a fleshlight for him to use, making your eyes roll back. He starts slow, as to ease you in; but is quick to fasten his pace to meet his needs. But you want to do more, so your hands reach up to play with his balls, and oh does it take him by surprise. All he can do while fucking your mouth is mumble sweet nothings, praising you, telling you how good you’re being letting him use you like this. And his words are working, because at this point your slick is running down your thighs and your cunt is in a desperate need of attention, as you grind it against the heel of your foot and when you look up to him, you don’t think you’ve ever seen anything more beautiful. His glasses lay low on his nose as his head is thrown back in pleasure and his hair is messy, sticking to his forehead due to the sweat; yet his hand is precise is controlling your mouth by your hair. His buff chest heaving desperate for air as his ears and cheek are a pretty shade of pink for you.

Suddenly he looks down to meet your eyes staring at him in lust, and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything hotter as he sees you grind against your foot pathetically all whilst he fucks your warm mouth. He can feel the vibration of your mouth as you moan around him, and he thinks he’s in heaven. You look so dirty, spit dribbling down your chin, pupils dilated and red with desire, tears streaming down your cheeks because of how deep he’s hitting it right now. He is just so close, but no way he doesn’t cum in your pussy today, so he pulls you off his dick as you welp, a string of spit connecting your lips to his tip.

“I’ll come in your mouth some other day baby, need to be in you right now.” He says responding to your cute pout as he pulls you up to sit on his lip, your legs on either side of his thigh once again.

His hands travel to your back to undo your bra in an instant as it’s thrown somewhere on the bed behind him. Immediately his mouth is attached to your hardened nipple as you let out a loud moaning, feeling his warm tongue on your cold skin.

“I’m so fucking sick of you parading around in this stupid excuse of a skirt that barely covers your ass y/n.” He says as his hands travel down and under your skirt, making contact with your dripping lace, running his fingers up and down. He can feel your slick on his own thighs.

“Oh? You’re already soaked, baby. But I haven’t even touched you yet, wanna tell me what got you so wet?” he says as he mocks you, still not taking his attention off your breasts, sucking them and marking them up with hickeys all around and all you can do is moan as you dig your nails into his back overwhelmed by the pleasure.

“You’re so sensitive, so responsive. I love it baby, so easy for me. Need you to answer me- what’s got you dripping?” he says as he finds your clothed clit, pressing hard against it over the lace.

He’s being so mean right you. The remnants of tears on your cheeks have barely dried up before you can feel yourself getting teary eyed already.

“You! Want you so bad channie! Been wet for you since you walked in the door.” You cry out desperately.

Finally, he stops teasing your covered pussy and pulls it to the side, inserting two of fingers with no warning making you scream out loud. He’s quick to press his thumb to your clit, flicking it as he pumps his fingers into you, all whilst he’s sucking on your tits. His pace is monstrous from the start, and he shows no signs of stopping as he continues to drive them in you, opening you up preparing you to take his big dick. All you can do is drop your head on his shoulder helplessly, taking what he gives you.

“Ah! So good Chan, so- so- fuck! Right there! Need you!” you say as he repeatedly hits your g-spot all while rubbing your clit.

You’ve lost all track of time. You’ve been so close to cumming ever since you saw him walk through your front door that even the slightest touch could get you to your high, and here Chan was, touching you right where you needed, enlightening all your senses.

“I’m about- gonna- gonna cum dino! Please, let me, oh- please let me cum!” you cry out loud, begging him as he pulls out his fingers in an instant and just like that you’re crying again, dropping your head in the crook of his neck.

“What, don’t cry baby.” He says, voice dripping with fake sympathy, because inside him he knows your tears turn him on even more. His hand reaches the small of your back as he caresses it, attempting to calm you down. “Want you to cum on my cock princess. Think you can do that, yeah? You promised you’d be a good girl for me.”

“I was- I was just so close.” You say timidly between your sniffles.

“It’s okay princess, I’ll make you cum real good on my cock.” He whispers, kissing you tenderly for the first time in the evening, and it makes your heart full, reminding you that in spite of everything, this is the same dino that you see in class every day, polite and sweet and beautiful; but you’re brought back to the present as he pulls away from you, shattering your illusion.

“You wanted my attention so bad y/n, you started it. So, you’re gonna take what you wanted- gonna have to ride me.” He says with a shit eating grin that just makes you so mad right now, but eager to give him what he asks for you get off your lap and begin to take off your skirt.

“Did I ask you to take it off? Still not behaving baby. Keep the skirt on; after all you made such a show of wearing them, wanna fuck you in it. Take off your panties.”

Once the pink garment is off, you sit on his lap again, as he slaps his dick against your poor swollen cunt, running his tip against your entrance.

“You know what to do right? It isn’t your first rodeo after all.” He says as he smiles.

God, he is so cocky. If you didn’t desperately need him in you, you would not put up with it for a second. (you would probably put up with it anyway)

You take his dick in your hand as you hover over it, your pussy clenching over nothing, begging to be filled by him as you insert the tip in him; and that alone is such a stretch for you, your legs might give up then and there. But you are anything but determined. Stubborn. Firm on proving yourself. So, you accept the stretch, stabilising yourself by placing one hand on his wide shoulder while you bottom out completely, burying himself into you in one go making him throw his head back and groan in pleasure as his hands reach out to hold your waist, not letting you escape his grasp.

Slowly but surely, you begin by grinding your hips against them, building up the tension as you try to maintain a steady pace; but dino doesn’t look amused, so you begin to move up and down on him, burying your freshly done nails into his shoulders. His hand moves down as you bounce on him, giving your ass a quick slap before finding it going under your skirt and rubbing your clit, making you gasp out.

“Fuck, lift up your skirt baby.” He says, and you comply- lifting up your skirt with one hand, whilst he continues to toy with your clit and you bounce up and down his dick, showing him the mess you both are making; and he loves it.

You’re so eager to please him, prove yourself to him as you continue to alternate between grinding and moving up and down; but the pleasure is SO overwhelming with his hand on your nub and you don’t think you can last. On top of that, you’ve been working so hard to maintain a steady pace for him, that your thighs are about to give out. And he sees that- sees your movement becoming sloppy and messy, your thighs shaking and your grip tightening on his shoulder.

“Tired, baby?”

Why is he such a tease. And why is he being so mean to you when he knows you’re totally spent. You think you’re going to cry for the third time in the night.

“You know, all you have to do is admit it. And I’ll take over. You know you want me to. I can make you feel so good baby, hit all the right spots and you don’t have to lift a finger.” He whispers in your ear before slapping your ass again as he lifts his hips to meet yours in a sharp thrust, showing you how much better he can make you feel.

“I- I- tired. I’m tired channie! Thighs hurt. P- please!” you say between hiccups as he keeps thrusting into you from beneath.

That’s all he needs to hear, before he’s flipping you on your back without taking himself out of you, pressing a kiss to your lips as he begins to actually fuck you. His hands roam all over you as if he’s trying to memorise every curve and dip. He’s thrusting into you with such a force your tits bounce back and forth with every drive of his hips into you while he mumbles pretty words in your ears.

“Pussy so good baby, absolutely squeezing me. Can’t believe you were letting those stupid guys have this while I was right there. Could’ve made you feel this good all this time. Fuck! Always wanted to bend you over the desk whenever you wore those stupid skirts to class. You know, everyone could see you baby. See how much needy you were. You’re probably just too much a slut to care, no?”

His mouth reaches down to bite your nipple, where you’re already so sensitive that you can’t help but cry out. You look so dumb for his cock right now, your nails are absolutely obliterating his back as your legs wrap around him not letting him go, a chant of his name leaving your lips with each of his movement. All you can hear is the sound of his balls slapping against you and your screams. You’re pretty sure you’ll get complaints from your neighbour tomorrow but who cares; he’s just too good. His thrusts get deeper yet sloppier as you feel him reach between your sweaty bodies and rub your clit in an attempt to get you closer.

“Fuck! Gonna cum baby. Are you close?”

“Yes! Channie fuck, love- love your dick so much! So big, need- I’m almost there!”

And that’s all the motivation he needs before he picks up his pace again, angling himself to hit you exactly at the spot that makes you scream, and before you know it, you feel tears streaming down your face again because of the overstimulation.

“Chan! Gonna cum! Please, please- fuck right there, please wanna cum!”

“Where do you want me princess?”

“In! In me, wanna feel you in me, fill me up! Please, need it in me!” you babble.

And that is all it takes for you to let go. Your eyes roll to the back of your head with a loud whine as your nails dig into him deeper, your back arching- the pleasure taking over you as you see stars in front of your eyes, screaming his name over and over again. It’s like you’re floating- because your body feels numb and completely spent. He feels you clenching so much around his cock as you cum, it’s like you’re milking him, before he’s filling you up full of him too, reaching his high, and he cannot stop. Even after you’re done, you’re still rhythmically squeezing him as he doesn’t stop coming in you. You feel him warm in you, and you honestly never want him to pull out, but unfortunately, he does- leaving you empty as his essence begins to spill out of you.

He gets between your legs, watching a mixture of your cum dripping out of you, admiring his work before he’s collecting it in his fingers, tracing your swollen sensitive centre as he comes up to you, and inserting his fingers in your mouth, while he kisses your tears. You can taste him and yourself on your tongue as you close your eyes, swirling your tongue around his fingers. The sight is so hot to him, his dick twitches against you once again before he’s pulling his fingers out and gently kissing you, as he leaves your bed to bring you a towel.

He lies besides you after he cleans you up as you turn you face each other.

“Sorry if I was so rough.” He says as you lay your head on his arm and run your hand through his hair.

“You were so good, I think I need to be a little bitchy again for you to put me in my place.” You say as you kiss him, smiling against his lips.

[darkleysgarden]

I think about Rich in freshman year a lot.

How invisible and suicidal he was hits me hard.

Just those feelings of utter hopelessness. Even Jeremy had a best friend to turn to. Rich didn't. There was no friends house to turn to when things were rough at home. Nobody to text when he was bored. Even the losers had their loser friends. He didn't. He was something else entirely. He didn't know what it felt like to have a best friend who also considered him a best friend.

Sitting in class, everyone around him talked. It was weird to watch as they talked to their table partners. His table partner turned around. He couldn't be that much of a loser. He sat silently.

Maybe it was his fault. He should start initiating conversation. It didn't have to be someone popular. A fellow loser would do. He could never bring himself to walk up to anyone. Fear took hold.

So many people say "No one would miss me if I was gone." And it's very rarely true. They always have these great friends who care, even if they can't see it. Rich had the realization that he didn't even have people to consider. There was no friend he had to panic over secretly disliking him. There was literally no one.

It's a sickening realization. Nobody would miss him if he was gone. Not because they hated him. Maybe it was that. There was no one to hate him. They could be keeping their distance because they hate him.

Somehow, everything he said came out poorly. Well, that isn't it. Everyone reacted poorly to what he said. He didn't understand why they snickered and glared. He didn't think he did anything wrong.

Sometimes he thought there was a rumor going around that kept everyone away from him. Did he stink and he didn't realize? He couldn't be this dislikeable. People worse than him had friends. He didn't even say anything to make them hate him. He never said anything.

Taking a Squip was a stupid idea. He had limited options. He didn't want to live like that anymore. He didn't want to live at all.

The Squip was the only thing that kept him alive, and it was the thing doomed to kill him.

[chidoroki]

Wind Breaker S2EP4

aka: i'm literally on cloud nine right now

Every boy in this darn class is adorable.

RIP to that one dude caught in Anzai’s headlock for like two straight minutes.

“He said he came from out of town, so I thought he’d live a but further. I guess him entering school and his family moving coincided?” “Well, we’ll know when we get there.” The fact we’re at 177 chapters and still dunno the full story about Sakura’s family situation is kinda wild.

Nirei’s panicked screams would be loud enough to wake up anyone.

Pfftt stooppp, Suo’s little surprised face upon seeing Sakura appear is hilarious.

Damn, the anime does real well showing how dark and dreary Sakura’s place looks. I never got that kinda feeling in the manga with how it lacks color.

“I’ve always dealt with crap like this on my own. I’ll get better once I sleep it off. It’s not a big deal.” Aw baby, noooooo! That’s not a good thing!

I love how gentle Suo looks, like you know he desperately wants to help Sakura but he wouldn’t push him to accept it.

Oh, I like how they reflected Suo in Nirei’s phone like that so we could see that brief smile.

The queen has arrived.. lord help me I am not ready for the scenes to come.

Our boy really has such a great groups of friends the way they all bought something for him to help him feel better and take care of that fever.

Why did they go for such horror movie vibes with how Kotoha shows up at his door with the weird first pov and that scream?? My god, his shocked face is priceless!!

Oh thank god he does have working lights in this place at least.

Fffucckk man, I love all of this and ch57, like all Sakura wanted to do when Nirei & Suo came by was to curl up in bed and pass out, but with Kotoha he’s actually engaging in conversation and eating. Yeah he perked up because she brought over a hot meal and our boy loves to eat but as manga!Suo says “while he’s weak right now, he can’t use his mental or physical strength to handle anything that’s not normal for him,” and this entire scene with Kotoha is nothing but normal for him. Sakura’s always been alone so having friends suddenly start caring for him is weird and he shies away from it all, and even though he and Kotoha act all friendly, all the advice and meals she constantly gives him is just status quo at this point for their interactions. He’s used to it and doesn’t feel pressured to act any certain way nor does he feel a need to act strong around her all the time unlike everyone else, which is why I think Suo let her visit Sakura because he knew that too. I doubt he would allow anyone bother or overwhelm Sakura when he’s supposed to be resting despite their desire to help him, such as their entire class, and Sakura’s not even mad that she’s here now and I just really really love this whole scene between them okay?? I love these two. Fuck it, I ship ‘em. I doubt any kind of romantic love is gonna come out of this manga but this trusting and respectable relationship they got going on is precious to me alright. Let me have this because god knows my girl doesn't show up nearly as much as I'd want her to.

Just wanna let y’all know that while I was rambling I had the ep paused on Kotoha slapping the cool patch on Sakura’s head. Fun little frame to pause at.

“Worried about the, ‘I like my buddies now so my body freezes up’ issue?” I shall never get tired of the way she teases him nor those faces she makes when doing so!!

Mmmmmkay, girl, why must you be pretty at every angle.. I swear.

“So why don’t you think of a way to get around it?” “A way to get around it?” “Like delegating the people around you who can act in your behalf.” I feel all weak and soft that he takes her suggestions so seriously. Lift your head up and properly look at people? Done. Learn and use people’s names? Done. Now onto the next step of becoming a good friend and leader.

“There are only so many things one human can do in a limited amount of time.” I really love this line from her too.

“Well, even then.. relying on others, or asking favors from them, may be a bit scary at first.” *shakes manga* Tell me her full story!! Why does she say this?? What has my girl gone through to become so wise?? I know it's all about Sakura's growth and the boys fighting all the time but give me more of our best girl too!!

It feels kinda unfair calling Kotoha best girl when she's literally the only one who shows up frequently and matters but screw it! She's more than earned the title! Aaaahhh!

Teeheee, Kaji’s face when Sakura requests to see him.

A flustered Kaji is an adorable sight to behold.

I love his strange way of trying to explain stuff to Sakura with the coffee and fake ghost.

Kaji being the best senpai!

Not the triple cut on Kaji punching Umemiya smack dab in the face.. HAAHAA!!!

His quick run away too!! God I love this boy so much!!

Aww the flashback of Hiragi taking Kaji to the rooftop to chat.. my boy really learned from the best.

Goddamn, why must the chillest ep be my favorite? I feel so giddy.

[dramalove247]

Heesu In Class 2 gives these queer moms hope

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Heesu In Class 2 isn't targeting the BL audience, it's queer representation in a Kdrama and that makes us excited. This difference means that the struggles of being a queer youth were expertly contrasted against those living a het normative life, wrapped it all up inside a cute kdrama, and delivered it to a much wider audience. An audience that may not have seen this perspective before. And the messages Heesu In Class 2 delivers to this audience are both powerful and important.

Love is Love. Mutual love is a precious gift and should be celebrated in all forms.

There were so many great messages during this series, but that felt like the final thought of Heesu's story. One that Heesu made when he said:

"Such insignificant tiny beings like us manage to find each other amidst countless specks of dust. How great of a miracle is that?"

The struggles of Heesu's sisters gives us all the evidence we need to see how precious it is to find someone that returns our feelings.

There were lots of other incredible messages/moments throughout the series that we were obsessed with. We already talked ourselves out of rewatching the series just to collect more evidence for this post, so we will try to be satisfied with only listing the ones we remember off the top of our heads.

A quick list of epic moments Heesu In Class 2 delivered to a wider audience:

"Maybe everyone can see what I am trying so hard to hide." Starting off the series by showing Heesu's fear of someone discovering his crush.

Constant contrast between queer vs het experience/acceptance. TWICE calling out the difference in difficulty and risk for a queer person to confess a crush. "I'm pretending not to know."

"Before my secret swallows me up. Before I fall into this dark hole forever." Heesu talking about the danger of secrets in episode 9.

Seung Won talking to Heesu about his mom being with a woman after ending her unhappy marriage to his father, "They live together 'cause the like each other. It's much better than living with someone you don't like."

Heesu finding comfort when he learns that Seung Won sees nothing wrong with being queer:

"At least Seung Won wouldn't hate me just for being myself, or get mad because I'm different. The moment I thought that... the weight on my mind was lightened by the weight of just one person."

Seung Won's mom's willingness to lie to spare him from the judgement of others. Seung Won choosing the truth over the constant work it would take to live in a lie.

Heesu's fear of being outed when he receives that threat. The disgustingness and cruelty of someone being willing to out him for revenge.

We HATE Heesu and Seung Won trying to play off their relationship as a "bromance" in public. But we also LOVE it because once again it is in direct contrast/comparison to the het couple and including this bitter pill is both realistic for their story and shows the audience the inequality, fear and pain in not being accepted by society. So we hate that this poisoned our happy ending, but we hope it gives the larger audience something to think about.

Series like these plant the seeds that change hearts. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

We sincerely hope this series reaches as many people as possible with it's important messaging. We have even decided to make a MyDramaList account just so we can support this series. Our hope is that this story moves some people. Causes them to stop and think. Gives them a new perspective. And hopefully finds it's way to some lonely Heesus out there and gives them hope.

[lexxieannie]

I dunno if this is really a fic/art request but do u have any thoughts or if you have already shared (sorry started followung recrntly) do you have anymore thoughts on like lotf fem/if they were all girls ? I see it mentioned and i wld always love more of it… its so cool to see what peopke think abt it

OMG IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONEEE this is gonna be long cuz i have SO MANY IDEAS THANK U ANON OK OK

so personally i hc they all went to a catholic boarding school, all there for different reasons. i also have a survival au where they all survived and return but we can get into that later 🙏 CHARACTERS

Ralph -> Rylie Jones

- 12 at time of crash

- dad is naval officer, mom is elementary teacher

- HUGE horse girl, tomboyish, overall silly, goofy, doesn’t have many thoughts just kinda hangs out. plays rugby when she’s older :)

- when she grows up she studies poli sci and considers going into the navy like her dad !

- gets ok grades, is nice and popular

- sent to boarding school while her dad is deployed and her mom is too sick to take care of her

- english with some french heritage

- dorms with penelope (maybe simone eventually?)

Piggy -> Penelope “piggy” Brown

- 11 at time of crash

- english with a bit of german heritage

- super smart, nice but not overtly so

- always wants to be included but very often left out

- thinks she’s always right (pretty much always is)

- stubborn and decisive

- a bit more confident than her book counterpart, doesn’t take as much grief without fighting back

- parents passed when she was very young in an accident, doesn’t remember them well at all

- lives with her auntie above the sweets shop, loves her so much :)

- bff is rylie and simone once off island

- dorms with rylie

- would be an english lit major

Simon -> Simone Piotrowska

- 10 at time of crash

- has autism and epilepsy. certified “weird girl”

- off her meds on the island and has hallucinations and revelations that keep her up all night

- loves nature, always playing in the forests by herself

- SUPER religious. her family is roma polska and has super deep roots in catholicism and tradition.

- talks to herself and prays constantly

- family fled poland during ww2, she was sent to england. this is Not. her first time evacuating.

- she has a major crush on rylie bless her heart

- very sweet and nice but may seem a bit rude since she’s shy and lacks social skills

- still sleeps with stuffed animals

- theology major, plans of joining a convent

Jack -> Jacqueline “Jackie” Merridew

- 12-13 at time of crash

- english + irish heritage

- head choir girl, sings c#

- SOOO annoying i love her so much

- certified mean girl. she’s quick and (thinks shes) witty.

- super bossy, but loves her friends at the end of the day. has gossip on everyone (gets it from the twins)

- loves power thru the choir, gets good grades.

- comes from a rich, english family. she’s spoiled rotten.

- best friend is Rachel, they dorm together

- music major, maybe goes into politics?

- prefect

Roger -> Rachel Avain

- 12 at time of crash

- english + haitian

- emo hater 💔

- is super lowkey but always causing trouble silently - this leads to her not usually getting caught

- her being besties with jackie is totally opposites attract, no one understands their friendship

- quiet and keeps to herself

- low voice in the choir

- beats kids up for fun

- mysteriously close/protective of simone while simultaneously being her biggest hater and bully

- sent to boarding school to help her aggressive issues, made them worse

- pyromaniac 😍😍

- feel like she wouldn’t go to college, maybe trade school?

- dorms with jackie

Maurice -> Marcy O’Malley

- 11 at time of crash

- only girl in a big family of boys

- english + irish catholic

- GOOFY class clown for sure. comic relief in the best possible way.

- friendly with everyone, hangs out with simone a lot even though simone doesn’t understand why

- plays rugby with rylie

- tomboyish

- dorms with simone, another opposites attract dynamic. simone is quiet and strange, whispers and paces and prays face down on the floor and marcy is just like 👍 you do you girlfriend

- knows basic first aid and is always there to help simone when she feels faint or has a fit

- gamer girl if this was modern 💔

- total mamas girl loves her family a lot

Samneric -> Samantha and Erica Smith

- twin girls they are FASHIONISTAS they princess charm school the heck out of their uniform

- gossip QUEENS they know everything about everyone

- like to swap around and trick others into thinking they are each other (fools none of their friends 😭)

- like to make little jewelry out of beads and friendship bracelets

- they are 11 at time of crash

- sent to boarding school to get a better education

- born and raised in england with african ancestry

- popular and fun to be around

- don’t really prioritize grades even though they’re both super smart

- erica is an athlete

- samantha does theater :)

picrews for some of the girls under the cut!! pre island and post island

tbh my designs have changed a bit since i made this but yay!!! THANK U FOR THIS ASK I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY BABY GIRLS GUYS PLS GIVE ME ASKS OR ART/FIC TEQUESTS FOR THEM GRRRR

[doingthisfortherapydotcom]

“‘CUZ I HAVEN’T LOST YET, GENIUS. I MAY HAVE LOST THE BATTLE BUT I’M STILL HERE AND AS LONG AS I’M STILL HERE THERE’S WAR TO BE HAD. AND HOW MANY BILLS HAVE YOU HEARD OF THAT DIED? LIKE REALLY DIED, ZIP, BLIPPED OUT OF EXISTENCE AND WILL NEVER COME BACK? ZERO,” he cackled at that last statement, “MAN YOU MUST BE DESPERATE! CLINGING ONTO SOME OLD ADDAGE LIKE THAT. SURE STANFORD, YA NEED TO BE TUCKED INTO BED AND KISSED GOODNIGHT, TOO?”

He drummed his nail caps along the table as he listened to Hench’s recollection of events in Weirdmageddon. He pressed his tongue to the underside of his eyeball, making it bulge just slightly until he blinked. He just wished him luck?

“OKAY I MEANT DYING AS IN NOT COMING BACK BUT I GET HOW THAT GETS CONFUSING. ENGLISH REALLY SHOULD HAVE A WORD FOR FINAL DEATH, ITS NOT INCLUSIVE TO US GOD TYPES. BUT UH, THANKS. BEST OF LUCK IN YOURS TOO, WHATEVER THEY ARE— PROBABLY FINDING YOUR FAMILY AND GETTING BACK TO ‘EM. SAY, YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE THEY ARE?”

“MY WEIRDMAGEDDON WAS GREAT! FOR THREE DAYS. I HAD YOU CAPTURED, I TRIED TALKING CIVILLY TO GET THE EQUATION FROM YOU BUT YOU WERE TOO STUBBORN.. AND THEN WHEN THE TORTURE DIDN’T WORK I CAPTURED YOUR FAMILY BUT THOSE LITTLE BRATS FOR KIDS GOT OUT. SO I LEFT YOU AND YOUR BROTHER IN A CAGE TOGETHER WHILE I HUNTED THEM DOWN AND DRAGGED THEM BACK. I THREATENED TO KILL SHOOTING STAR WHEN YOU FINALLY AGREED TO GIVE ME THE EQUATION, EXCEPT IT WAS ACTUALLY STANLEY WEARING YOUR CLOTHES. I WENT INSIDE HIS MIND AND YOU SHOT HIM WITH A MEMORY ERASING GUN. NOT MY BEST WORK.”

He waited as Hench drew up their next round of hangman, stretching out his legs a little. His eye closed as if pleased by the sensation as his legs curled upward, feet pointed flat against the table until he released with a small groan. Not that he had muscles to stretch but he could feel blood flowing to them, rather nonchalant in discussing his own defeat.

“OH WELL. I’VE ALREADY GOT PLANS FOR WEIRDMAGEDDON 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO. I’M THINKING A LIGHTNINGNADO TEARING ACROSS THE LAND WITH A HURRICANE THE SIZE OF THE ONES ON JUPITER WILL DO THE TRICK. AFTER I GET THAT EQUATION, OF COURSE.”

He only took his legs off the table and sat up when Hench slid the game over toward him. He squinted down at the many questions, always questions with a Sixer.

“Z, H, G, R, V! AND WE WERE MIDDLE CLASS WITH AVERAGE COOKING. BETTER THAN MOST OF THE GOOP THE THERAPRISM FEEDS US.”

He slid the paper back over to Hench, face falling as he thought to himself. His eye narrowed, yellow light flickering like a wicked candle that cast shadows- but the shadows were much more dramatic to him than they should’ve been, framing harsher colored light. And burning- a deep burning sensation writhed under his skin like the insides of his flesh were pressed to hot coals. The world around him became blurs of color and fuzzy shapes, static filled his mind. In his body, images flickered across him like a screen, a feathered serpent with an insect’s head, an flat place consumed by bright blue fire, a belt of stars depicting strange zodiacs, there were words on the tip of his tongue…

He stiffened and blinked, pictures disappearing. “I DON’T REMEMBER.”

Hello, I have brought patient Bill Cipher from Theraprism 2x4e^27 as per our discussion. Is Stanford Pines ready to meet him or is there worry about the repercussion?

@doingthisfortherapydotcom

"Welcome! It's a pleasure to have one of your patients visiting our humble facility! Stanford has been shown to have bouts of aggression but all should be fine with careful monitoring!"