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hotcoffeecoldmornings · 5 years ago

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(This shit is long so bear with me.)

Can’t Eat, Can’t Sleep, Reach for the Stars

I haven’t felt this way in awhile. This ‘can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love.’

It’s hard to describe. The last time I was all-consumed like this by a TV show and a ship, that TV show was The 100, that ship was Clexa, and my world was, quite honestly, turned upside down by it.

I used the first two seasons of The 100 as background noise as I wrote my Master’s Thesis in 2015. To be honest, I didn’t really know exactly what was happening until Bodyguard of Lies (an episode anyone reading this post probably remembers well) came on. And a passionate kiss between two world leaders left me speechless and shocked. I was blindsided by it, unaware that that kiss would be the beginning of not only finding myself, but also accepting myself, and then finding a chosen family I never knew that I needed because of it.

There’s been alot of (okay, not a lot, but more) f/f ships on TV since then. Maggie and Alex. Nicole and Waverly. Elena and Syd. Kat and Adena. Anissa and Grace. Stef and Lena. Karolina and Nico. And the list goes on… While each of these ships is equally important, and each one represents another push towards more inclusive storytelling, there was never a ship that hit me as hard as Clarke and Lexa did.

Until now.

Harold, They’re Lesbians

Gay. Witches.

Motherland: Fort Salem said the words. And I fucking came running.

Okay, so it took me a few weeks… Thank you, twitter timeline, for finally getting my ass on board. It’s not that I didn’t want to start the show. It’s that my anxiety-ridden brain had other plans for me in mid-March. Like spending the majority of my time researching a global pandemic and then crawling into a depression hole because of it… Or something like that.

But nonetheless, I’m here now. And I’m fucking staying.

I knew I’d love this show. The concept of witches peppered with the idea that sexuality is irrelevant is honestly my one and only weakness. So I went into episode one with high hopes. And I sure as hell was not disappointed.

Episode 1 gave me even more than I could’ve asked for. We meet three uniquely powerful individuals, who all come from three uniquely interesting backgrounds. Abigail Bellweather, born into a lineage of the most powerful and elite witches Fort Salem has ever seen. Tally Craven, the last one standing in her family’s long-line of service, selflessly choosing to say the oath when she didn’t technically have to. And Raelle Collar, who has an unparalleled set of powers, combining her mother’s Christo-Pagan ways with those of the seeds learned at Fort Salem.

Rounding out that already brilliant cast is Scylla Ramshorm, the ‘sexy weird’ Necro who may or may not be evil (but we love her all the same). General Sarah Alder, the original witch who signed the Salem Accord, selling out every future witch to the United States Army, and whose ego quite often gets the best of her. And Anacostia Quartermaine, the Bellweather Unit’s Drill Sergeant who has a peculiar fondness (and leniency) for Raelle Collar.

The fact that this television show is entirely female centered (like, we’re talking 60 seconds of male screen time in the pilot), is what separates this show from most. Men exist in the world of Fort Salem as characters to exclusively propel the female leads forward, which is a stark contrast to the majority of shows right now. And not only is the entire main cast female, the main lead is gay. And honestly, the sexuality of every character on the show is questionably debatable as well. Except for Abigail, who quite clearly is into any and all men, and Tally, who grew up on a Matrifocal Compound and ended up in Fort Salem as a virgin. Which, of course, no shade to her, but it did strike me as odd when Abigail immediately assumed Tally’s virgin-ness when growing up in an all-female world was brought up.

So let’s start there, shall we?

The Heteronormative Narrative (or not…)

Something I did find puzzling about Motherland: Fort Salem (and the only thing, really) is how they portray sexuality, relationships, and love. In regards to sexuality, Eliot Laurence, the creator and executive producer, has been incredibly forward in interviews with the narrative that ‘your sexual preference doesn’t matter in this world.’ Which I appreciate to the fullest, trust me. But pardon my slight hesitation when I hear that line, because I think we’ve all been burned by it once before.

Motherland: Fort Salem has done a tremendous job of this. They’ve allowed characters to own their sexuality without question. It was never a thing when Raelle started dating Scylla. At Beltane, everyone went off with whomever the dance paired them with - even if that meant the same gender, and even if that meant three or four or five of them. Sexuality, in regards to same-sex partners, is never a character arc in this show, and it’s never there to create a plot point.

HowEVER, there were a few things I noticed that confused that fact.

Like I said about Abigail in the very first episode, when the Bellweather Unit is meeting for the first time, why was Abigail so quick to question Tally’s virginity after learning she comes from a Matrifocal Compound? If there are no heteronorms in the world of Motherland: Fort Salem, then why is it assumed that losing your virginity is related to relations with a man? Even though Tally is (well… was) a virgin, why would that question be brought up? If roles were reversed and it was Raelle living on the Matrifocal Compound, the conversation would’ve gone strikingly different, and it would’ve supported this heteronormative narrative that I thought we were trying to avoid. I’m just going to blame this one line on how badly Abigail wants the D, so sleeping with a woman wouldn’t even cross her mind.

But then what about the idea of this ‘five-year marriage contract’? It’s simply about producing a child, so I assume a woman could never have that sort of thing with another woman, and that those women could never add to their lineage (unless they entered into a five-year marriage contract simply to reproduce). Doesn’t this, alone, signify a heteronormative world without even meaning to do so? While they accept LGBTQ+ relationships, how do they actually fit into the society and culture that this show has created? Wouldn’t the gay witches be seen as almost inadequate in carrying on the gene if they don’t have a child? (AmI just thinking too much into this...?)

But then again, the whole concept of ‘love’ in Fort Salem is rather insignificant itself. As Gerit mentions, no one is supposed to spend their life with just one person. Witches are committed to one another in five-year partnerships to reproduce, and then that’s it. So in a way, I understand that nobody, no matter what their sexuality is, really gets to experience this fairytale ending that we’re used to seeing in a (*cough* heterosexual) ship on TV. And in a way, I also think that’s what makes this show all the more fascinating. Eliot Laurence gave everyone a level playing field by just removing the idea of a happily ever after altogether. In Laurence’s world, witches are meant to train and fight and die for their country. Love is their weakness. But what’s so compelling about that is even though love is their weakness, he made sure that love also manifests into their greatest strength.

From what I’ve seen in interviews for Laurence, every single thing has a purpose. So I’m quick to let this go, and see where he takes us. He’s been building this world inside his head for nine years, so I know that there’s so much more to this story than what can be told in a 10-episode season.

But Back to the Lesbians

Anyway, back to love. Specifically gay love. I wish I could put into simple words my obsession with Raelle and Scylla.

From the incredible chemistry that Taylor Hickson and Amalia Holm share on-screen together to the directors and writers who’ve portrayed their love story so magically, Raelle and Scylla are truly something special. They’ve taken the place of a ship this queer fandom lost when Lexa was killed. It’s a ship that you want to hate, because every part of this story tells me to hate Scylla. She’s Spree. She’s vindictive. She’s dangerous. Yet every part of my brain tells me to love her. And to love them together.

I don’t like easy stories. I want stories that make the ending worth it. I want hardships and pain and hurt and work when it comes to love. Which is why I like the story of Raelle and Scylla. There was a spark between them in their very first scene together- a spark you could feel through the TV. It was believable and real. They come from similar backgrounds of loss and solitude, and that’s what originally bound them together. And over the next seven episodes, we watched their relationship grow. We saw their vulnerabilities, their growth, their passion. But now we’re going to see the hardship. The pain, the anger, the betrayal.

I appreciate that they’re not skimping on telling any part of their story. The two are special together, and so far, this show has proved that.

She’s Special

I want to break down Raelle Collar before bringing up anything else, because, well, obviously she’s the main character, but she’s also got a lot going on. The fact that Raelle channels her power through something other than the typical ‘seed’ is something that will be of importance to why she’s so powerful. Petra Bellweather, herself, claims that Raelle’s mom, Willa, used unconventional methods that delivered incredible results. “She was the fixer every unit wanted to deploy with.”

While all witches in Basic Training are learning about utilizing their extra set of vocal cords to create magic songs, Raelle can do it in a way that’s reminiscent of where she grew up- Chippewa Cession. In the very first episode, she makes note that her family was there before it became a Cession. Aka, before the land was given to the Chippewa tribe in exchange for their magic.

Raelle comes from a line of witches that all have more unique abilities than what’s taught at Basic Training. She uses a combination of Native American spirituality/Christo-Paganism skills during her days at Fort Salem, which brings up questions (and judgment) from other witches. It seems as though that kind of magic was the way witches used to do things before Sarah Alder released her song into the world and created a vocalizing army with it. Raelle’s peers look disgusted when they see her still using the same ways witches once did. It’s particularly noticeable when she heals people, and recites Matthew 7:7, “Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” The entire theme of the Book of Matthew, in regards to Christianity, is about prayer. Asking and receiving. That God will provide you with what’s needed, and nothing more. But when it comes to Paganism, it’s about the law of attraction and return in our universe. It outlines that there is no life without balance - that all prayers can be answered, but they’ll be answered with things that are taken from elsewhere. All prayers almost have a consequence. Just like all magic has a consequence.

Raelle’s power, at least what she knows of it up until now, is based on a consensual balance, bringing the theme of Paganism’s Matthew 7:7 into the type of witchcraft she practices. She can heal someone, but what she heals them from will be transferred onto her. Balance. Consequence.

Bringing General Sarah Alder back into this, this is the same type of magic that she traded for back in the 1700’s when she granted the Chippewa Tribe the entire length of the Mississippi River. In exchange, she gained the magic that could keep her eternally young. But just like the magic that Raelle does, this age defying practice has consequences too, and requires balance. Every 50-60 additional years that General Alder adds on to her endless life, a young witch must be sacrificed to take on those years, and must stand by General Alder the rest of her short-lived life.

But where does the balance go?

Adil is such a great addition to the cast because he sheds a light on something so crucially ignored on campus. All magic has balance. This is teased throughout the season, like when General Alder hits turbulence on her way to The Hague and jokes (but not really jokes), “I assume I have one of you to blame for that.” Or how Raelle soaks up her ‘patients’ illness. But it’s not truly smacked in our faces until Adil says it.

As Abigail is flaunting her ability to *one day* “grind iron into ore and mountains into dust,” Adil drops a truth bomb on her. “All that weather you fight with has a cost. Floods. Failing crops. Famine. Every war, people starve.” She’s quick to reply that the good they do far outweighs the bad. But to who? Certainly not to Adil and his people. Meeting him is going to give our recruits a serious insight into just how consequential their ‘work’ can be. He’s going to play a crucial role in realizing how manipulative and egotistical General Alder has been.

Not only is weather an issue, but plagues. “Like the one attacking my sister.” Adil and Khalida come into the storyline because Khalida is sick with a deathly black webbing wrapped around her body. When they first make it to the Military Outpost (somewhere in the dessert between Russia and China?), the Soldier who meets them at the gate yells, “they’re here.” So were they expecting them?

Raelle eventually is the one who heals Khalida, (by using her Christo-pagan means) but instead of taking up the illness like it usually does, instead, it infects the giant mushroom that Raelle touched earlier.

The balance of Mother Mushroom.

I go back and forth between theories for the giant mushroom growing under Fort Salem. But today, I’m convinced the mushroom is attached to General Alder’s vitality. And consequently, the entire vitality of Fort Salem as well. In one episode, Berryessa reminds us that all life on campus is directly connected to Alder. And if what Scylla says in My Witches, that “life becomes death, which becomes life again,” is relative to the life on campus and how General Alder parallels that, then this theme of balance throughout the series is more prominent than we realize.

The giant mushroom living under campus is clearly important. It has hands and replicates faces and takes on diseases and Izadora is not a fan of anyone touching it. So yes, you could say this fungi is a main character now.

But. Why?

“In the kingdom of plants, mushrooms occupy the underworld. Nothing ever really dies.” Mushrooms have an entire underground network of language to one another. And they are responsible for the breakdown and decomposition of death so that organic matter can become something else. Necros have an obvious connection to this ecological process too, so they must have a connection to the continuous process that General Alder goes through to support and sustain life on her campus.

I think that the “Mother Mycelium” signifies each and every consequence that Fort Salem has accumulated. It holds the hurt and death and pain and regret of everything General Alder has created. And now that the Mushroom is infected with whatever plague Khalida had, I think it’s going to wreak havoc on Fort Salem. Magic is based on balance, and I think massive consequences are coming to make up for years of disparity.

One last thing on my mushroom-thoughts, is when Helen Graves said “the dead make excellent eyes and ears.” An underground network of mushrooms all connected to recently dead organisms would certainly be a great way to gain insight too. Scylla mentions that she needs something recently dead to grow her deathcap, so does this Mushroom need to be constantly “fed” with death to continue the creation of life?

Does Alder know about that? Are the mass-murders that the Spree are doing related to this? Killing hundreds of people at a time would definitely be a good way to keep the mushroom o’ death fed. Is Alder behind the Spree!?

Sexy Weird

Speaking of Spree... Can we talk Scylla now? First of all, what the hell is this girl’s timeline? When we first meet her, she’s a cadet (second year) in War College already, meaning she would’ve had to enlist on Conscription Day the year before Raelle. Yes? In Mother Mycelium, we see that she *might* (still don’t believe it) have been the person behind that first Spree attack on Conscription Day of this year (so when Raelle, Tally, and Abigail enlisted), so was she at Basic Training for an entire year before deciding to become Spree? Did she enlist knowing that she would eventually be Spree? Does this ever get addressed in the show?

Since we’re here, I might as well say there’s no way Scylla did that. I’ll never believe it. And I’m using my one semester of Greek Mythology in college to tell you why (who knew that class would eventually come in handy)

In My Witches, when Tally, Abigail, and Glory first meet Scylla, Tally makes it clear that ‘Scylla’ is a Greek name. Okay. Greek. Cool. Mythology. Let’s go. I already knew that Eliot Laurence doesn’t waste any minute of screen time when it comes to plot development and storytelling, so my meta brain did a little digging.

In Greek Mythology, Scylla was a sea-monster who haunted the rocks of a very narrow strait, opposite of the whirlpool of Charybdis. The monster’s purpose was to lead ships and boats towards the whirlpool, which was lethal to all who attempted to pass. Scylla was used to lure boats towards Charybdis, but was never meant for actually destroying them. Scylla was a fear tactic, not a murderous monster. In poetry, it’s often said that Scylla isn’t a monster at all, just born into a monstrous family. In conclusion (from my 4 months of Freshman-level Greek Mythology and a little refreshment on Google) I think Scylla is simply being used to lure people to the Spree, but not actually doing the mass-murdering that is being shown in the episode.

What I do know is that Scylla Ramshorn is absolutely Amalia Holm. Mainly because I refuse to accept that Raelle is falling for the red head (sorry, red head). But also because at the end of the Pilot, when Scylla (in red head disguise) looked into the mirror, the balloon was her reflection, and it followed everything that she did. But in other scenes, when Scylla’s face is the normal Scylla face, she can see her own reflection. So the redhead girl is unimportant. Plus, IMDB says she never appears again this season...

We Are The Spree

As much as I hate to believe that Raelle’s mom (or Aunt!) is alive and leading the Spree, the connections between the two entities do add up. Both (Spree and Collar’s) are against the authority and power that the Witch Army has over populations of witches. They’re both against General Sarah Alder. I believe they both use spoken word magic rather than just vocalized magic. When the Spree carry out their attacks, they’re whispering words under their breath, not singing any song. Which is reminiscent of how the Collar’s do magic. Additionally, it would make sense as to why the Spree would want Scylla to bring them Raelle. And I still can’t get over the conversation between Raelle and Tally when Raelle explains her family’s combat charm. “A bowerbird’s foot. They love anything blue.”

Blue? Why. WHY.

Maybe Willa Collar was captured by the Spree? Or the Aunt was? Or the Spree needs Raelle to heal someone?

One last weird very unthought out theory goes with the other Biblical verse Raelle recites - Isaiah 43:2. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” The fact that all Spree attacks have happened with something to do water- in the snow, at the pool, on a cruiseship. And the fact that the last line of that verse is literally, “you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” This type of witchcraft has to relate to how the Spree does magic. Right??

Now I’m re-talking myself into the fact that the Collar’s might be somehow leading Spree...

But who’s ‘we’?

If the Collar’s are in charge of Spree then this next theory would actually check out.

Anacostia has been a little more over-bearing with Raelle than any of the other girls. On multiple occasions, she’s said how Raelle is gifted. In fact, they all have. Even Abigail in Hail Beltane mentions that “Raelle didn’t go outside of canon, she’s naturally gifted.” They all know she’s gifted. It would make sense if the Collar’s were the ones running Spree, and that Anacostia, aka. General Alder’s head bitch, was sent to protect Raelle from ever joining them. Alder wants to capitalize on the powers that Raelle has, and keep them in the Witch Army.

But I also think Anacostia could be playing General Alder. There have been too many times where she stares at Alder just a little bit too intently, and I can’t stop thinking that she might be in some sort of rebellious group too. Maybe a certain cell of Spree?

Because you can’t deny that Anacostia has also taken in interest in Scylla, particular to keep her away from Raelle. When Anacostia first caught them flying high on Salva, she told Scylla to stay away from Raelle, and it seemed as though she (tried) to use some sort of coercion magic while doing so. When Anacostia then saw them together at the Bellweather wedding, she almost sounded shocked, “I expressly told you to stay away from her.” Did Anacostia attempt coercion magic on Scylla and it didn’t work? And if she did, why didn’t it work?

That entire exchange felt odd yet familiar. Like the two have history. “Your name wouldn’t have been on the list. You’re not supposed to be here.” Particularly the “you’re not supposed to be here.” Did Anacostia know about the attack on the Bellweather’s? And did she think it would be threatened with Scylla there? Or did she know that Scylla was supposed to bring Raelle to the Spree at 6pm. And was sent to make sure Scylla never completed that task.

I found it interesting that Anacostia was never seen fighting off the balloons like every other Witch was when they appeared. And her being at the actual wedding felt odd too. Especially if she’s General Alder’s right-hand (wo)man, because last time I checked, Alder and Petra Bellweather weren’t on the greatest terms. In fact, none of the General’s are on great terms with Alder.

Since we’re now on Bellweather season...

Camarilla. No, not Carmilla.

There’s certainly a second threat in this show. And they were the ones behind the attack at the Bellweather’s. Not only has this already been proven by Jessica Sutton on Twitter (lols) but the clues were literally all there. They didn’t use any magic to fight. They had to use a mechanized sound machine to stop Abigail and Petra from using their powers. Then they covered themselves with gasoline and lit themselves on fire before the mother-daughter duo blew them away. It wasn’t Spree. But it was meant to look like Spree. And I think the balloons were simply a distraction, so all efforts and power would be outside fighting off the balloons while the civilian waiter’s could attack.

But who is doing this?

It’s been brought up that there are alot of humans who don’t agree with the Witch Army that Alder leads. Even the President of the United States is hesitant about them. “You, too, are bound by rule of law to the will of the American people, who have elected me to represent their interests and protect them. Don’t you forget it. Or you may find yourself reminded.” Then Tally gets confronted later in that episode by a civilian who says, “It’s witches who are committing these attacks. It’s your kind of people .” And then even later in the series, there’s talk of a “growing debate in congress to revoke the Accord and disband the army.” So you could say there are definite opinions about this Army by civilians.

In A Biddy’s Life, there’s a shot when Raelle and Scylla are in the room with weapons once used to kill witches. There’s an undeniably important shot of the Camarilla Scythe. Camarilla, itself, is defined as a small group of people acting as private advisers to a ruler or politician with a shared and nefarious purpose to carry out secret plots.

Since civilians are the ones that are most opposed to the Witch Army, it makes sense that maybe the President, herself, is the one behind these attacks. She’s trying to take down the most Elite of the Witches (the Bellweather’s), hence inhibiting the Army from being as successful as it’s been in the past. And what better way than to kill the most elite witches of child-bearing age.

While this theory checks out, I can’t help but to also think that Petra Bellweather could be behind the attacks. I know, it’s a stretch, (specifically because it’s her own family that’s being targeted) but I do love that ‘good powers, bad people’ trope. And what better way to make sure nobody questions your efforts if you’re the last one they’d suspect? Petra Bellweather has been itching to boot Alder from head witch honcho for awhile. Since killing Bellweather’s is the ultimate attack against witches, this would be a great strategy to showcase that Alder is inept in dealing with these enemies, creating a fall in power. And eventually, a rise in another. A Bellweather.

Okay, I know what you’re all probably thinking. “So you’re saying that she wanted her own daughter killed!?” Not necessarily. When you watch Bellweather Season, and specifically the wedding scenes, they put an insane emphasis on timing. And I don’t believe that that’s just because of Scylla trying to get Raelle out of there by 6pm. When you watch the sequence back, the Bellweather Unit was supposed to be having their interview with the Dean of War College, starting at 5:30ish. If the interview took a good bit, say 30-45 minutes, this would strategically put Abigail not in the line of fire (aka Charvel’s room) at 6pm when they struck.

But on the complete other hand, Abigail was supposed to be up with Charvel at that time helping her get ready. Meaning if it wasn’t Petra Bellweather, someone perfectly timed both Bellweather’s of childbearing age to conveniently be in the same place at the same time.

Then the fact that Scylla was meant to leave with Raelle at 6pm (the exact moment the waiter’s and balloons struck), can’t go unnoticed. Did they want her to leave with Raelle at 6pm because the Spree knew about the attack? Did someone warn them? Does this explain why Anacostia was shocked to see Scyalla. “You’re not supposed to be here.” Why wasn’t she supposed to be there????

I’m just going to tap out of this theory now.

But One More Thing

This might be a totally aggressive theory, and I have to credit the initial spark of this idea to my girlfriend, because during my 67th rewatch of this show, she brought up something I’d never thought of before. She asked me what Scylla’s purpose of attending the wedding was, and if the person she was supposed to bring to Penelope Road at 6pm really was Raelle?

This got thinkING. What if it was someone else???

When you look back at all the times Scylla spends talking to her balloon mirror, they never actually say Raelle’s name. Sure, we’re meant to believe that Raelle is the obvious target. But what if that’s a cover?? What if she’s using Raelle to infiltrate something else and get to someone else??

It would make sense to use Raelle to target Abigail instead- an elite Bellweather. Like I said, this is a very unlikely theory but it would definitely be a shock to literally everyone (except my girlfriend apparently)...

Has the entirety of the show been leading us down a path to distract us from something else going on!? With every other ounce of brilliance here, I wouldn’t even doubt it.

In Conclusion

I went into this show expecting to be seen and represented as a queer woman, but what I actually got was so much more. What I got from this show is the realization that me being queer doesn’t have to have anything to do with me being a woman at all. My strength, and will, and mistakes, and growth, and grace, and support, and passion, are what make me a woman. Each of our stories are deserving enough to be told just because we are women.

I’ve struggled with that fact my entire life - my womanhood.

Femininity, feminism, and female empowerment are all things I’ve only recently connected with. I was raised in the culture of traditional gender roles. My dad went to work and my mom stayed home. It’s not that I was necessarily taught that men and women must occupy those roles; it’s just that’s all I knew. To even further confuse my adolescent existentialism, not only was my mother a stay-at-home mom, she was also in the Marine Corps. And she never really understood the fact that not all women are as strong as she is.

My mom’s a badass, don’t get me wrong. She’s one of my hero’s. She came from a family who didn’t have much, and after realizing that she couldn’t afford to go to college, she enlisted instead. Six years later, she went to Penn State on a full-ride. She’s worked for every ounce of success that she’s seen, and she’s worked her ass off for it. But because of that, she struggles with the idea of feminism.

I can’t blame her too much. I understand the mindset she’s coming from. Growing up with that being instilled in my mind was hard though. Because it was expected that I, too, grow up to be a strong independent woman.

I graduated in the predominantly male industry of agriculture (I want to be a farmer, okay!?). All through college, grad school, and post-grad school, I worked on farm after farm after farm. And it was there that I was introduced to the idea of toxic masculinity. I tolerated comments that I won’t even say out loud. I’ve “accidentally” been touched in more ways than I care to count. And what I hate the most about it all, is that I fucking tolerated it. I’d laugh it off, and then I’d walk away, mortified at what I’d actually just put up with. And while by no means do I blame my upbringing and home life on this, I do blame the upbringing and home life on the female characters I saw on television. If Brooke Davis was constantly and overly sexualized in high school then I guess I was supposed to, too. Right??

Sure, I still hear comments that I wish I didn’t. But I’m also surrounded by people and characters who taught me to never put up with the shit I once did. Female characters are portraying a storyline that people take more seriously now. They’re persevering. And that jumps off the screen in Motherland: Fort Salem.

It’s taken me a while to realize how Raelle and Scylla have affected me as much as Clakre and Lexa did (two characters who literally awakened my sexuality). But I think I get it now.

I love both Raelle and Scylla. Each one. Individually. As witches. As warriors. As females. As humans. As strong female characters. So, in a way, watching this show has awakened something else in me that I’ve also been suppressing all along. My femininity. My strength. My perseverance.

Sure, Raelle and Scylla are my favorite ship right now, but it wasn’t them being together that made me fall in love with this show. Oddly enough, it was them being apart. It’s the fact that each one stands on her own as a unique and beautifully complicated story. And it’s the fact that I, too, am deserving of a beautifully complicated story.

Last Section, I Swear

Motherland: Fort Salem is a magical mix of intense story building, relatable character development, and fascinating cinematography, all while being told through a gender and sexuality normative opposite of what we’re used to seeing. It’s a show that encompasses female strength unlike anything I’ve experienced before, where men are the background noise who aid in pushing the plot forward. It’s a show that deserves another season. And another and another and another and another.

It’s a show I needed ten+ years ago, at 18 years old, freshly out of high school and wondering why the fuck I never had crushes on guys like everyone else my age did. It’s the show I needed so I didn’t always wonder why I was so obsessed with Peyton Sawyer and Summer Roberts and why I was the only one I knew who thought Torrance and Missy should’ve ended up together. It’s the show I needed to learn that my femininity doesn’t make me any less tough than my male counterparts. It’s the show I needed so I never put up with anyone’s shit. It’s the show I needed to teach me that I am storm and I am fury.

It’s the show I needed then. But it’s also the show I’m so happy that I have now.

#motherlandfortsalem #motherland fort salem #raylla #clexa #motherland fort salem theory #scylla ramshorn #scylla #raelle #raelleandscylla #raelle collar #lgbtq #this is so long i'm so sorry #abigail bellweather #tally craven

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coeurdastronaute · 5 years ago

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Essays in Existentialism: Kiwi 10

previously on Kiwi

As grueling of a schedule as it was, there was a bit of normalcy to the routine of it all that was an almost welcomed addition to her life. Each day had an itinerary, had a designated time for everything, nearly down to bathroom breaks and time to think. The entire operation was efficient and orchestrated a year in advance. At a very very recent point in her life, Lexa didn’t like the sanctity of the routine and often balked under the weight of it, rejecting regularity for sleepless nights and people who broke her, and for too much manufactured joy that came at the end of a straw or bottom of a glass. Strung out and hung over, she performed without remember, and found herself missing the joy of it all, digging a deeper pit into her own body and soul that she could ever fill up.

But she was finding a way to make up for it.

It started with her sister, as most things seemed to always. It started with apologizing and promising and fixing a lot of things she once thought to be irreparable. And once that was mended and blossoming, Lexa watered different parts of herself, allowing a small bit of her own forgiveness and honesty to shine through.

There was rehab and therapy, of course. And more apologizing and promising and setting realistic goals and avoiding stressors and things that would make her weak. But from that was a kind of strength, and people saw it, the improvement, the urge and need to be good, to be an artist. That was what saved Lexa’s life, at the end of the day, her overwhelming urge to create and interpret and give back something to the world.

Tour was debated hotly for an entire month before it could be completely agreed upon between the bandmates, but in the end, it was the absolutely gruelling schedule that Anya decided truly was the best way for her to keep an eye on her sister. She couldn’t do drugs if she didn’t have time.

And even though Lexa found herself missing someone, something she hadn’t originally planned on experiencing, she welcomed the road life with open arms, hitting meetings in every town almost, and talking to a girl on the other side of the country almost non-stop. When she wasn’t bugging Clarke, she was writing, practicing, working out, or performing, and in the end, those were almost the only things that truly mattered.

Deftly, Lexa’s fingers moved along the frets of her favorite guitar as she lounged on the couch in her suite. She knew she was in Texas, but not entirely sure which city, and she didn’t mind. She had the sunset and she had a great view. In a month she’d be in Europe before festival rounds, and then back on the second half of her tour until the fall. There was a schedule.

Without noticing her sister approaching, she hummed along to a melody she’d been stuck thinking about but not sure what to do with entirely. The album they were touring on was heartbreak and pain and partying. It was some of her favorite things because she loved seeing those who understood her and the words. But it scared her to write something different and new. And as many times as she promised an ode to Clarke’s ass, she was afraid to write something so loving. So she strummed along and already felt a different kind of grit sneak into her words. She sang a few lines and wrote in her notebook, pausing and reworking and thinking out loud. She recorded a few bars on her phone before putting it together somewhat.

No one would say she was unprofessional when it came to her work. It was important that she got things out, and she came with a full idea, formed and ready to be put together, a concrete idea that she was always eager to capture. Her words got a little better and the process got a little easier when she was sober, something she feared at first, if she was being honest. She didn’t need the crutch. Her entire last album was a way to heal.

“Sounds good,” Anya finally offered, pushing herself from the wall where she leaned. “Different,b ut good.”

“I thought we discussed your lurking.”

“I lurk out of love.”

“Hm,” Lexa grunted, tossing her pencil down on the notebook. She kept working on the guitar though, trying to get it right.

Anya took a seat on the coffee table her sister’s feet were propped up on, and she grabbed the notebook, carefully skimming through the words jotted there in a deceptively neat hand despite how quickly they were laid upon the page.

“I like this a lot, actually. Powerful.”

“I don’t want to wri--”

“I know, I know. The basics. Universal human emotion with killer guitar. Nothing personal, blah blah,” the drummer muttered, hunching over as she flipped a page and looked at another idea, waving away the inevitable diatribe she’d already heard.

“I don’t want to write sad songs anymore,” Lexa shrugged. “At least… I don’t know. I can’t say never. I just-- singing these songs, it’s been heavy. I kind of want to bring back some fun. Remember our EP?”

“A lifetime ago.”

“Yeah, but like pure rock’n’roll right? Like gritty guitar, quick fucks, bad drinks, having fun. Dirty but something to sing along to.”

“Except you don’t do any of that.”

“No, but I miss… Do you miss having fun up there?”

“I always have fun,” Anya shook her head, pushing aside her mane of hair as it fell in her face. “I have fun playing with you.”

“I do too, I just… Clarke said something-- before you complain,” she interjected as Anya began to roll her eyes, “She said that she could see me enjoy certain songs more, and a lot has to do with who they were about.”

“You’re afraid to write about Clarke.”

“No… yeah, I mean. No one tells you that when you write about people, you’re stuck with the song, even when they’re not around.”

Lexa sulked slightly as she fiddled with her strings and looked away from her sister with the confession.

“You like her a lot,” Anya observed after a few moments of quiet and flipping through the pages until she caught something she liked.

“Yeah, obviously.”

“Good. I like her too.”

“I think I might invite her out again before we head to Europe.”

“You should.”

“Is this…” Lexa took a deep breath and stilled her movements, almost a complete statue as she tried to formulate the proper words. “Is this what it feels like to exist, like normal?”

“Relatively, yeah, probably,” her sister snorted a laugh and smiled as Lexa’s face twisted slightly. “You’re so used to living at extremes, but what you don’t realize is that life is exceptionally average most of the time, and my favorite things are moments of beauty in the most mundane spaces. Aiden smiling at me when he pulls my hair and bites my chin because that’s how he kisses. You, holding him. You and me on stage when we are perfectly in sync and the world is right. The best bite of a piece of pizza. Watching you the past few months, come alive. Fighting with Luke about not having enough wipes in the diaper bag. There is nothing wrong with feeling those moments and realizing they’re enough.”

Lexa grit her jaw and nodded, still unflinching and unwavering, afraid to move an inch because she was certain the dream would end, and perhaps this was one of those moments, because the sun was setting, and her sister looked beautiful and alive and not like she was ready to commit her, but like she actually enjoyed being her sister again.

Anya didn’t mean to say as much, but she closed her mouth and looked down at Lexa’s notebook again.

“Invite Clarke for a few days. Let her get a feel of your life here. She won’t break your heart.”

“You’re psychic now?”

“No, but I think she couldn’t hurt to offer you a muse, even if you don’t want that.”

“I can’t write about her.”

“I think you already are.”

“Nah,” Lexa disagreed, back to plucking the strings haphazardly.

With a victorious smile, Anya picked one she liked the most and read it a few more times, attempting to hear what her sister had beneath it all.

“I like this one,” she finally offered, handing over the page, bookmarked and dogeared in a way she knew would piss of her sister. “Tell me how to hear it.”

Lexa took her time, looking at the page and debating as her sister looked on expectantly. This would be the moment, she was certain, that they began the next album in earnest. That alone was a journey that made her wary, which was why she hadn’t approached her sister with anything finished yet.

“Low and singular at first, up to the first bridge and then BAM you come in, hard and heavy, just a beat, a heartbeat. I want it to be a blast, a catharsis, an unleashing.”

“Fitting,” Anya agreed and nodded as she read, dashing a note here and there, drawing lines to indicate the swelling.

“See, I can write songs not about girls.”

“You can, I just think you want to write about a girl. So just let yourself.”

“It’s hard, being away and stuff. Kind of a weird time to start a relationship.”

“When have you ever done anything the easy way?”

As much as she wanted to argue, Lexa stopped herself and agreed. It didn’t matter. She knew her sister was right, and maybe that was okay this time.

XXXXXXXXXX

Even though it was nearing the end of her shift, the bar still felt full of people in a way that weighed on her. She was hoping to leave at a mildly reasonable hour to crawl into bed and get a reasonable amount of sleep for the first time in a long time. The universe didn’t seem aware of that plan as she tried to re-read the letter left in her letterbox the day before.

“You going to grab that order at the end?” Raven interrupted her thoughts.

“Why fucking not.”

Struck by her sour demeanor the entire night, Raven debated how to handle Clarke. There were different moods for her that required different responses. She wasn’t quite sure which kind of friend she had to be for the evening.

Even though she couldn’t admit it yet, Raven saw that Clarke seemed oddly different after meeting Lexa Woods. She was driven and happy and doing more. She was content and afraid of the future, but for different reasons.

“Are you being a little crabby because you miss your girlfriend?” Raven sang, clearly aware that she was annoying her friend.

“She’s not my… well maybe-- no wait. That’s not why I’m-- And I’m not crabby,” a flustered bar tender shook her head, processing all of the words and how wrong they all were.

“You miss her.”

“How can I miss someone I never had?”

“Oh, you have her,” Raven rolled her eyes and crossed her arms as she watched her friend huff and be annoyed at the common knowledge. “She’s flying you out again to see her, for a few days and two different cities of tour dates. You’re dating Lexa Woods.”

“I think I would know if I was.”

“I’m honestly not sure you’d know.”

For the rest of the evening, they worked and waited until the bar cleared out and they could wrap up the hard part. Raven poured them both a drink when the door was finally locked and sat down across from her friend, unperturbed by the sticky bartop or the cleaning they were about to do.

With a flick of her head, Clarke took the shot and hissed against the feeling of the painful liquid on her throat.

“They’re tearing down my building,” Clarke sighed. “I’ve got a month.”

“No wonder you’re in a snit,” Raven nodded.

“And I haven’t gotten laid in a few weeks.”

“Yeah, I can tell.”

“It’s just… It’s just… It’s just... “ she sighed and shook her head before pausing to pour herself another drink and taking it back. “I think I’m getting ahead, right? Like if life is broke up into categories, love, money, job, happiness-- and I can’t get all of them to be okay at the same time. It’s exhausting.”

As she spoke, Raven finished counting the cash and carefully handed over the split from the tips, handing a pile over to the barback that wiped down the tables while they stood there, veterans and exhausted by the night, no longer excited to keep drinking and stay up until about four. Clarke braced herself on the counter and stared at the empty shot glass, watching a droplet drip down the side slowly then all at once.

“So what do you have together now?”

“Hm?”

“Out of those things, what is working for you now?” Raven asked. “I mean. You’re dating a rock star. You have a great internship and you are somewhat decent at it. You have to move and that’s it.”

“It’s a pretty shitty thing. I can barely afford the shitbox I live in now, let alone another place.”

“Come live with me.”

“In your studio? No thanks. We’re close, but I don’t think we can be that close without killing each other.”

“Why don’t--”

“I’ll figure it out,” Clarke sighed. “I can’t think of solutions tonight.”

“We can drink, if you want.”

“Yes please.”

“And,” her friend grinned, complete and utter mischief and nothing good at all as she dug behind the counter and pulled out a magazine. “We can read all about a sexy singer and a mysterious blonde she’s been seen with.”

“Are you kidding me? Where did you get that!”

Even though she moved as quickly as possible, Raven dodged Clarke’s advance, wiggling her eyebrows as she surveyed the pictures and laughed, enjoying her friend’s discomfort. Stretch as she might, Clarke couldn’t grab the offending image and she groaned, growing agitated in a way that her friend enjoyed.

“I’ve just been saving this to enjoy when I had a free moment. Thinking about how much I could make by telling them who the cute blonde sucking on Lexa’s Woods’ neck is.”

“I wasn’t-- They didn’t-- We weren’t--”

“Hmmm interesting,” Raven mused as she opened the magazine and Clarke got a glimpse of the front cover for the first time.

Completely mortified, she blanched, the blood disappearing from her ears and face as she saw a grainy image of the two of them out to a lovely late dinner post-concert last time she visited. It was a good night and she thought they were alone. She also just really liked to kiss Lexa and she didn’t want to wait.

“When aked about the new friend, the singer simply smiled coyly and said she was very happy,” the bartender read before flipping another page. “And my horoscope is trash.”

“Give me that,” Clarke finally snatched the paper, flipping through the rag before coming face to face with herself.

There was no way for anyone else to know it was her, at least not really, but Raven knew as she slipped her beer and started sorting the receipts. She knew and she knew the right thing to say most of the time, too. It only took a few moments of flipping for Clarke to toss the magazine back ont eh counter and shake her head before pouring another shot.

“You’re going to be fine, Griffin,” Raven promised. “You’re ready to be happy.”

“I don’t know how to be happy.”

It wasn’t quiet in volume, but it was hones and quiet in its purpose. Clarke took the shot and slumped slightly under the weight of the honest and the feeling of maybe trying to believe how her friend’s suggestion could be real.

“You do.”

XXXXXXXXXX

Defeated by the rain and the past week, Clarke adjusted the bag that hung on her shoulder and leaned slightly against her large suitcase in the lobby the chic high rise. No one else was around save for the attendant at the desk who casually watched her without actually looking, keeping an eye on the happenings for very important people lived in his building, and he took his job very seriously.

It was an act of utter failure and somewhat dependence that Clarke despised above all else. She never wanted to need anyone, and she never wanted to be a burden. When it came down to the fact that she needed help, she recognized a kind of guilt and shame that made her rile against herself, as if her own bones were bending and getting smaller.

With an uncoordinated effort, she made her way to the elevator when it arrived in the lobby, and she tried not to think too much, instead looking forward to a good bath and a good sleep to get her head back on straight.

She was going to make short business of needing someone’s help. She wasn’t keen on being given charity, and she certainly wasn’t ready to make Lexa feel like she was being used. That scared Clarke more than anything.

As soon as Clarke stepped into Lexa’s empty place, she was afraid she’d gone into the wrong place because it was not actually empty, but rather warm and alive. The warm lights and candles glowed against the dark of the windows, while a sound of sizzling and the smell of garlic came from the kitchen. A record scratched in the corner.

“Hey, I was wondering when you’d get in,” Lexa smiled and reached to grab the bottle of wine. “I was afraid you’d be later and it’d get cold.”

The bags dropped.

“What are you-- Wh-- How?” Clarke furrowed and shook her head. “You’re supposed to be in Philadelphia.”

“I play there tomorrow. I thought you were a real fan.”

She was putting the finishing touches on the small dinner prepared and plated on the dinging room table, but Lexa was every bit comfortable, as if she hadn’t been on tour for the past three months and not anywhere close to New York.

“But what are you doing here, now?”

“Came to welcome you to my place, well, your place, our place? No, your place.”

“It’s your place, Lex.”

“Yeah, but it’s yours when I’m not here, so tonight it’s ours, I guess.”

Happy and cozy, bare feet moving around and finally standing in front of her girlfriend, Lexa smiled and towered there in Clarke’s confusion.

“Did you miss me?” Lexa grinned, and despite all of the feelings and the anger and the self-hatred, Clarke melted at it.

“Why are you here?” Clarke shook her head, feeling bad still. “I didn’t--”

“I wanted to make you feel welcome. Nothing less welcome than a dark place, with no food. I wasn’t even sure I’d left the heat on to be honest, and it’s been cold the pas--”

Without meaning to do it, Clarke lurched forward and hugged her girlfriend tightly. She buried her face in her neck, making them both wobble slightly but leaving her undeterred.

“I got you a key made,” Lexa whispered, surprised by the outburst. “I want you to be comfortable here. I like… I like the idea of you being in my bed.”

“Even if you’re not here.”

“I’ve never had someone to come home to.”

It was quiet and honest and even though dinner was on the table, and even though the record was done on its side and it stopped, creating a silence that prevailed the many tired thoughts that possessed both, they stood there.

“You’ve been having a rough time. I know I can’t be physically here that much, I want to be around for you,” Lexa whispered. “I made you room in the closet.”

“I won’t be here long.”

“You can stay as long as you want. I mean it.”

“It’s been a real shit month.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Aren’t you tired? Weren’t you in DC last night?”

“So you are a real fan.”

Clarke laughed even though she didn’t want to. Lexa’s arms stayed around her as she pulled away and she sighed because she had no other alternative-- there were too many feelings and thoughts that left her frazzled and she needed to hide all of that to savor this moment, regardless of the fact that she’d lost her home and was desperately missing the girl that cooked for her.

“Want to come to my show tomorrow?” Lexa asked. “You can come up with me for the night and we could have two consecutive days together.”

“Two? Wow, you must like me.”

“I don’t just let every Tinder hook up house sit for me.”

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multifandomaddictedfangirl · 4 years ago

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When you think about it, Octavia’s arc actually makes a lot of sense.

Octavia has always been an antisocial girl and an insecure young woman. She grew up hidding under the floor on the Ark, with no human/social interactions (except her mom and her brother) for 16 years. Her mother died when she was very young (btw she was floated for having Octavia, try not to feel guilty for the rest of your life after that...) so the main person Octavia’s been talking to is Bellamy. She never left her bedroom except for that one time where she got arrested and put in a prison cell. She was sentenced to death just for being born.

When the Hundreds were sent to the ground, not only she had to learn to survive; she also had to learn how to socialise. How to belong in a group and be a part of something bigger than herself. A society. For the first time.

For someone who basically had no soft skills (communication skills, for instance) that must have been pretty hard. And pretty scary. My theory is Octavia has always felt very insecure about not fitting in, not being good enough for people to like and appreciate her, not finding a home on Earth. My guess is she was terrified her life on Earth would be like on the Ark: that she would end up isolated, scared and alone.

And that’s why she had to find something that would make her unique. When she met Lincoln, she learnt that she could fight. And that she was quite good at it - especially compared to the Hundreds. That’s what made her valuable. Suddenly she was a hero, someone that the Hundreds needed in order to survive. Her fighting skills made her special.

But then she became... too special. Too much like a Grounder. And Grounders were the enemy back then. She was judged for being too close to Lincoln, even by her own friends. Her loyalty was questioned by her peers. People suddenly looked down on her for the way she dressed, talked and acted. Even her fighting style became a problem: she wouldn’t use guns... just like the Grounders. Even Bellamy, her own brother, didn’t like it.

She didn’t belong with the Hundreds anymore. She knew she couldn’t stay with them. But then again, she wasn’t a true Grounder either. Not really. And she knew she would never be looked at as anything else than a sky person - no matter how hard Lincoln would try to educate her and teach her their way of living.

Octavia didn’t belong anywhere again.

Maybe if she had agreed to follow Lincoln when he suggested they ran away together to avoid war... She could have found her peace then. Lincoln had always been her home. He made her feel safe. She belonged with him and she had never been happier than when she was with him.

She felt so honored when she became Indra’s second. In s5 she even says it was the happiest day of her life. Finally, she had found a place in this world and a person who understood and respected her skills. It must have felt so good. Truth is Octavia really, truly, deeply liked being a warrior. It was a role she could assume easily and where she felt like she was needed. ´Warrior’ is a title she learnt to look up to, and value a lot. Lincoln and Indra were both warriors and they were both the two people Octavia respected and loved the most.

Being called a warrior made her feel strong, confident and powerful. No more insecurities. No more fears. She was no longer the girl hidden under the floor, or the lost delinquent trying to find her place on Earth. Now, she was a well respected member of a community. I believe she chose to define herself as a warrior, because it was the only thing that made her feel good about herself : like she had some honorable value whatsoever.

When Lincoln died, Octavia lost everything. For the first time in a long long time, she was vulnerable. She couldn’t feel safe or strong or powerful anymore. All she could feel was her sadness, her loss, her pain. It was too much for her, she was scared that without Lincoln, she wouldn’t be worth anything. She couldn’t face these feelings, so she built up a wall inside of her. I believe that’s why she turned the word ‘warrior’ into her whole identity. That’s why she acted so tough during s3 and s4. She used it like a shield to protect herself from her pain and misery. To fill the void inside of her left by Lincoln’s death because she couldn’t grieve.

A good example of that is her relationship with Illian. She almost killed herself in the black rain, just to avoid these painful feelings. She begged him to make her feel something else. Something else than pain. And then, even after they had sex, all she could think about was the war happening and how she wasn’t in it... She was so broken at this point. Lincoln’s death destroyed her completely. The only way for her to move on is to take on what she thought was Lincoln’s legacy and keep fighting.

And so, she had to rebuild herself. That’s why she choose to go to Polis and fight in the Conclave: to honor Lincoln. Her face paint was a good representation of that. In her mind, Lincoln was brave, he was a warrior. And so she had to be one too. She had to fight, because Lincoln never stopped fighting. And if Lincoln never stopped fighting, there must be hope at the end of the line. Even for her.

And hope she brought, by uniting all the clans. She offered a place in a bunker to a 100 people of the 12 different clans. Salvation for everyone (including herself). She created Wonkru (first) as a tribute to Lincoln. Because that’s what he would have done. Because he believed in peace. Because he wanted to bring people together, even during his last days on Earth. Octavia wanted to commemorate that.

The problem is... So far, Octavia strickly and only defined herself as a warrior, not as a leader. She refused that role for a long time, doubting herself, fearing people wouldn’t follow her, thinking she couldn’t do it. Which makes sense considering what she’d been through on the Ark and her vision of leadership. Her chancellor floated her mother, one of the two people she ever knew and loved. Plus, her experience with leadership on the ground wasn’t exactly the best example either : Bellamy (we do whatever the hell we want, killing the firt boy she ever kissed and had a crush on, torturing Lincoln...), Jaha (besides from floating her mom, bringing the city of light into Arkadia and Polis and forcing people to take a chip to be manipulated by an AI), Pike (hating all grounders alike, organising a massacre resulting in 300 Grounder deaths, and executing Lincoln)...

But now, by winning the Conclave and creating Wonkru, she became the leader of the last surviving people of the human race. And first of all, that’s a lot of pressure for a deeply insecure, messed-up, broken, still mourning, inexperienced young woman.

But most of all, Octavia was no Clarke. And she knew it. Cause let’s be real. Throughout the show, no matter who was the chancellor/commander/leader, Clarke was really in charge.

Except Clarke had learnt how to lead by now. Lexa even said Clarke was born to lead. Since s1 se automatically took control of things because it’s in her nature to care about others and to be in charge. What made her a good leader is that she knew how to make impossible choices and take tough decisions if needed to (the big attack at the dropship in s1, Mount Weather in s2, destroying the city of life in s3, etc.). But Clarke never lost her hope, her moral values and most of all her humanity in the process. Despite everything, Clarke was always trying to avoid the worst outcome, trying to save as many people as she could. She would always study all of her options beforehand, and almost always she would try to find a non-violent solution first (in Mount Weather, for instance, her first plan was a rescue mission with Lexa; then she tried to negociate with Wallace for the release of her people, and when there was no other option, she pulled the trigger). She generally values peace and will try to avoid war as much as possible (she met with Anya on the bridge, she proposed a truce to Lexa, she made an alliance with Roan...). She could sometimes spare a life, even a life of a traitor or an enemy (Emerson, for instance!). She took risks herself in order to save everyone (besides from sacrifying herself so that her friend could go to space, she also didn’t hesitate to inject herself nightblood bone marrow instead of just using emori). Now, let me be clear. She ain’t perfect, that’s for sure. She screwed up more than once, who hasn’t ? But in such a terrible setting, being faced with impossible choices, she always tried to do her best and to chose the "best option" available (considering the context, the information she had at the time, etc.)

Besides, even at the end, she could still draw a line between the good and the bad. It doesn’t mean she never crossed that line. She did. But at least she was aware of the cruelty, the violence and the consequences of her actions. It was never easy for her to take any of these decisions. And she still feels guilty about it now, to the point she hates herself, but she knows it was her job to "bear it so they don’t have to". To be the bad guy sometimes so that her people could live. To make hard choices - even if it meant being hated by people she cared about - so that her people could have a clear conscience in the end. As a good leader should.

In a word, Clarke didn’t sacrifice herself, her sanity or her humanity, in order to be able to lead her people. Octavia did.

Oh boy, she really did. And I think it’s because Octavia knew that she couldn’t be like Clarke. She knew she couldn’t be tough, take hard decisions and still keep her moral compass. She knew she couldn’t be strong enough to lead 12 clans of grounders (without the legitimacy of the flame!) and remain the same Octavia that she was before going to that bunker. She knew she couldn’t keep her humanity because the guilt would kill her off. Besides, in 5x11 (i think?) we see her taking a piece of glass and almost cut her wrist because she can’t take it anymore, but at the last time she changes her mind. It wasn’t the first time she did that, in my opinion. She knew that if she was gonna be a ruler, she had to go all in. She had to become absolutely ruthless; otherwise she wouldn’t be able to take the hard decisions. She had to throw away her moral values, she had to shut down that part of herself who cared, who loved, who felt things. She couldn’t allow the little girl she was to come back and compromise the survival of the human race. She couldn’t allow herself to be weak, the stakes were too high.

So she created Blodreina. A ruthless leader. A persona that could lead strongly, take the hard decisions, and show no mercy. Not even for Indra or Kane. Someone who could do all of these horrible things without feeling guilty. And years after years, Octavia disappeared a bit more. And Blodreina grew stronger.

And, so, this dictator ruled Wonkru for 6 years. That’s how long Blodreina reigned and slowly took control over Octavia. The real problem with Octavia in s5 isn’t what she did during the Dark Year; it’s what she did after that.

First of all, cannibalism wasn’t even her idea. It was Abby’s. Octavia never wanted this, she tried to fight it but Abby pushed it, saying it was the only thing to do in order to survive. And when some people refused to eat, Abby (again!) was the one saying she should punish by death the one who wouldn’t follow her order.

Second of all, in that context, it probably was the only option for them. At that point, they believed they were the last humans on Earth. They had to survive, it made sense that, as a leader, Octavia had to consider every option available. And there was only one, as terrible as it sounded. Taking away people’s choice in that matter was the limit Octavia should have never crossed. But Abby insisted and said not forcing people to eat would be the worst choice possible to make and would lead them all to starvation... So in a way, there, Blodreina was useful. She avoided the worst scenario possible. And it sort of made sense back then.

Third of all, no one stood by her during that time : not Kane, not Abby, not even Indra. They were with her, they advised her, they followed her, they ate, sure. But who actually had to create and impose that rule? Octavia. Who had to look like the bad guy in front of her people? Octavia. Who had to eat first? Octavia. Who had to kill those who wouldn’t obey? Octavia. Who had to organise, watch and regulate the fights in the arena? Octavia. Who had to stay strong no matter how horrifying their everyday life was? Octavia. Abby didn’t move a finger (while it was all her idea). Kane ended up by obeying but made it clear he was against the idea. Indra didn’t talk about it. It was a burden she had to carry alone (at least Clarke had Bellamy!). She would have needed emotional support, someone to share the weight of her choices with, someone to talk to about her feelings, etc. But she didn’t have that.

So I don’t blame Octavia for what happened in the Dark Year. She did what she had to, there was no other option. She didn’t like it, she didn’t want it, and she had to bear that choice on her own because no one else supported her like they should have. The fighting pit, which was at the beginning what looked like a (sort of) fair way to bring justice, became a source of food, a tool, a way to survive.

But after the Dark Year, not only Octavia kept the fighting pit (which was no longer needed now that Wonkru faithfully followed her and that the Dark Year had passed) but she increased the number of fights. She gave herself the power to judge the fights and condamn people to fight again before earning their freedom. The deal wasn’t fair anymore for the fighters. She even threw in people she knew were innocent (Kane, for instance). So much for justice. The opinion of Wonkru as spectators became very important: if people weren’t satisfied with the fight, Blodreina would force people to fight anyway. Indra warned Bellamy: being the last person standing wasn’t enough. They had to make a show, they had to perform.

Octavia turned the fighting pit into sports, as Kane said. As a way of entertainment.

Octavia impersonated Blodreina when Wonkru needed a strong, ruthless leader who could carry them into the dark... But then, Blodreina took control for so long that Octavia forgot who she was. She played the ruthless ruler card too much that she lost her humanity in the process. And when she got out of the bunker, she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know how to move on from the horror she inflicted. She didn’t know how to get back to "normal".

Shallow Valley became her salvation. The justification she needed all along for all of her terrible actions in that bunker. The one thing that would make everything okay again. If she could only get her people to that safe eden, then everything she had done to survice would make sense. She was so focused on that goal that she blinded herself.

That scene with Indra, before the battle for Shallow Valley, is so heartbreaking. When she says, "When we get to that valley, everything will make sense. Everything we did to survive will be worth it", you can see that it’s actually Octavia talking (not Blodreina). She is telling Indra : please, let’s trust Blodreina just one more time, and then it will all be over. I think that she (Octavia) wants peace, deep down. She keeps repeating that, but she’s still afraid of leading Wonkru as Octavia. She has only earned their respect with Blodreina. Blodreina kept them alive during the Dark Year. Blodreina truly united Wonkru. Octavia still doesn’t think she can lead by herself, without that persona.

So Octavia shuts herself down to let Blodreina lead them again. And Blodreina wants war more than anything else. She would never surrender. And most importantly, she decides to take away people’s choice again, except this time she didn’t need to (like when she burnt the hydrofarm for instance). But that makes sense, because she only cares about one thing: winning the war, no matter what.

To conclude: Octavia’s journey is really hard to rewatch. Especially when you see her in s1 so young, happy and playful... But it makes sense. Yes, Octavia became a ruthless dictator who took away people’s will. Blodreina is the villain of the story in s5 (at least one of them). Her actions are beyond cruel and insensitive. A lot of people will die because of her decisions. She’s acting like a maniac half the time and she is (clearly) very mentally messed-up. i’m not standing by her side, saying I approve what she did or even that I find her likeable in her own way. I don’t even know if redemption is possible at this point. She might be gone too far.

But I just think her story is interesting in the sense that she has been falling down ever since Lincoln’s death and the persona she created, Blodreina, seems to be a result of her deep trauma, her pain, and her insecurities. She’s a broken, traumatised girl who has been put in a very hard position as an inexperienced and self-doubting leader in (possibly) the worst circonstances ever. Yeah, I’m not really surprised that it turned out this way.

Plus, now the valley is lost forever. Everything Octavia did (in the bunker and outside in s5) was for nothing. People died for nothing. And, unfortunately for her, she was wrong when she was talking to Indra before the battle : no, everything was not worth it... nothing makes sense. I doubt she will be able to get over that. She needed this win to be able to move on, to justify her actions, to find her peace. Without it, she’s just very susceptible to fall into old patterns of self-destruction. Plus, Bellamy really doesn’t seem ready to give her forgiveness (the one thing that might save her... at least that’d be a good start). And she’s not ready to receive it, either. Sadly, she might never be ready to really accept it.

#the 100 #the 100 rewatch #spoilers #octavia blake #octavia #blodreina #the red queen #s5 #season 5 #the 100 spoilers #character analysis #my posts #my post #just my thoughts #her journey is so tragic #i feel bad for her when i see her back in s1 #she didn’t want any of this #she tried to do the good thing when she won the conclave #it’s just so sad #she was just a teen in the end...#forced to take on too much responsibility in a messed-up world #so yeah...#:/#i don’t know if this post can be considered like a stan #i don’t really support what Octavia has become #I really wasn’t rooting for her in s5 #Killing her/Poisoning her was a solid plan in order to fight for peace #But I’m just saying her story is really unfortunate #she’s so traumatised and it’s sad to watch her go down like that #but that doesn’t justify everything either... it just makes sense that things turn out this way

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kloxbian · 5 years ago

Text

To the Fire I Fall

Synopsis:

Clarke has been confined her whole life. To the Ark, and then, to Arkadia.

She’s done being confined.

Or maybe it would have been better to stay confined instead of accidentally wandering into enemy territory.

-AU with a twist: Elemental powers!

Notes: IMPORTANT: Though this contains nothing sexual, the relationship between Clarke and Lexa contains some not-so-subtle dom/sub undertones. This is my first time joining in on clexa week, and I have to say I’m very proud of myself for doing this. I started this as soon as possible because forbidden love is my weakness and I was goddamn ready to get on with it despite the fact that I had five (six?) fics going on at the time. I will also be making a second chapter to this after clexa week. Despite my love of open endings, this one deserves a more closed-off, certain one.

Ever since the Ark had fallen to Earth, Clarke had wanted to explore the world.

But she couldn’t because the fucking grounders wouldn’t let them.

The peace that was between Arkadia and the clans was… fragile. They had a treaty, but it was nothing more than ‘if you don’t bother us, we won’t bother you.’ There was a five-mile radius around Arkadia that the Trikru had generously gifted, but anything more was off-limits. The only people even allowed within the limits were the hunting parties and those that tended to the fields outside the fence.

Their peace had held for the past year since it was brokered, and, with a bit of support during the cold season, it hadn’t wavered. Neither side wanted it to.

Clarke didn’t want it to, either. But she at least wanted to explore their territory. Was that too much to ask?

According to her mother, it was.

So she did it herself.

“Shit, I never realized the trees were so tall.”

Well, not just herself.

“Raven, we could see them from inside Arkadia. They’re only, like, fifty feet from the border.” Octavia rolled her eyes. “Are they really that amazing?”

“Yes! I mean, look! This trunk is wider than I am!”

“Okay, you aren’t that fat.”

Raven pouted and Clarke laughed. She hadn’t laughed until she reached the ground. Not after her father was murdered.

“Ex-cuse you. I am sexier than you’ll ever be, bitch!”

Clarke smiled widely at her friend’s antics but was more admiring the forest than listening to them. The forest was alive with birds singing, brush rustling as small animals moved within them, and it was a beauty Clarke had never experienced. The forest had such diversity, such color, it was more than she could ever have dreamed.

“You still there, Clarke?” Octavia playfully knocked the side of her head, and Clarke smiled sheepishly.

“Yeah. This is all just… beautiful. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Ha! See, I told you, Octavia!”

“Shut up, Raven, that was not what you were telling me!”

Clarke’s smile was more genuine than it had ever been, in the forest with two of her best friends. But they were loud, exuberant, and, dare she say it, obnoxious.

So Clarke slipped off alone, her disappearance unnoticed by her bickering friends.

As their voices faded into the background, Clarke closed her eyes and just breathed. The air was fresh and tasted sweet on her tongue, the sunlight beaming through the trees warming her face and shoulders, the soft breeze caressing her face. It was the most amazing thing she had ever and likely would ever experience.

She wandered on, surrounded by the environment of the forest, for a long time. She knew she could walk on forever and it would never get any less exhilarating.

That was her last thought before she felt herself pulled against a body and cold metal press against her throat.

She felt breath wash over her ear. “Look at this; a Skai girl on the wrong side of the border. Did you get lost, idiot child?”

Clarke cursed internally. She was going to be in so much trouble when she got out of this.

The knife moved away from her throat, hovering just in front of it. “Talk.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know I intruded. I didn’t even know where the border was!” She pleaded, not even trying to escape from the woman’s strong grip.

“You didn’t know?” The woman laughed harshly. “Branwada. You should have.”

Clarke was about to retort before something hit her hard in the side of the head and her vision went black.

When Clarke wakes, she’s behind bars lying in the dirt.

She’s alone. There are no guards, no sounds, no nothing. Clarke wonders where the other prisoners are if they have any. She’d been told the grounders don’t take prisoners, that all offenses are punishable by death. They say it so harshly, like it’s the most terrible thing, even though they had done the same thing on the Ark. She’d always hated how they talked of the clans like they were a virus to be exterminated. She hopes she won’t agree after this experience.

If she survives the experience.

She hears footsteps coming down the corridor and a grounder steps in front of her cell. He looks at her passively, speaking over his shoulder. “Honon ste stomba raun, Oneda (The prisoner is awake, General).”

“Os. Bants osir. (Good. Leave us.)” A woman stepped past the guard, looking at Clarke with contempt. Clarke recognized the voice as the same woman that had captured her.

“What’s going to happen to me?” Clarke asked, wincing at the sound of her raspy voice. “Are you going to kill me?”

The woman tilted her head. “Why would I do that?”

“Isn’t that what you do to your prisoners?”

She snorted. “Your leaders know nothing of us, yet they tell their people that we are savages. I shouldn’t have expected any more from such arrogant leaders.” The woman shook her head, leaning casually against the bars. “No. You will not be killed. We have no proof that your intrusion was anything more than an innocent mistake made from Skaikru ignorance.”

“So are you going to let me go?”

She was silent for a moment. “No. You still are an intruder. You broke the treaty.”

Clarke gasped. “Please don’t hurt them because of this. I didn’t know, I swear!”

The woman considered her. “You protect your people. I do not see many Skaikru willing to do that. Are you one of the leaders?”

Clarke was taken aback. “Of course not! I’m not even eighteen yet!”

“Does that mean you cannot be a leader?”

“You can’t be on the council unless you’re over twenty-five.” Clarke sighed. “To them, I’m still a child.”

The woman looked amused. “Your ways are… intriguing, to say the least. Though you are still very much irritating, you are more competent than most of your leaders.”

Clarke decided to take that as a compliment.

“As for what will be done with you, I shall have to consider. You have broken the treaty accidentally, with no malicious intent. Not something fit for punishment, but to let you go free without repercussion would encourage more purposeful intrusions.”

The woman tilted her head thoughtfully. “You are an odd case. I will have to think this over, but I can assure you we will not kill you, and that you will, at some point, make it home.”

Clarke sighed. “Thank you…”

“I am General Anya. You will address me as General.” With those last words, Anya turned and said something to the guards in their language before striding out of the prisons. A guard brought a plate of food to her and then the entire prison cleared out.

Clarke groaned as she tasted the meat. Despite it being food they were feeding to a prisoner, it was the best meat she’d ever had. Sure, Arkadia had hunting parties who brought back meat, but it wasn’t nearly as good as this. She swiped her finger over the coating of flakes on top of the meat and figured it must be what old-world called ‘spices.’ She was thankful for such a good meal.

She settled against the wall at the back of the cell. Who knew how long she would be there for.

Clarke was awoken by two men grabbing either arm and hoisting her to her feet. She struggled. “Hey! Where am I going?”

“Quiet, honon,” a guard said, yanking roughly on her arm.

Clarke hissed, getting a hold on the ground and walking between them instead of being dragged. Outside, Anya was waiting on a horse with four other guards mounted around her. Another horse, this one without a rider, stood next to Anya.

The guards tossed her onto the horse, and she scrambled to sit on it correctly. “Where are we going?”

Anya spared her barely a glance. “I am taking you to Heda. She will decide your fate.”

Clarke was confused. “Don’t the guards call you heda?”

“They call me Oneda. It means ‘under Heda.’ Heda is the commander.” Clarke paled. She’d heard stories of the commander, how he was a ruthless murderer who wanted complete and total control, though considering what she’d seen here, it probably wasn’t accurate. She hoped.

Anya told her how to ride in the least amount of words possible before they were off. This was the first time Clarke had actually seen the village and she couldn’t help but gape. It was nothing like the council had described. Nobody looked miserable or angry, they all looked happy. Children ran around chasing each other, some carrying fake swords that they would pretend to fight with. Stalls were set up with merchants, bartering goods. There was a large pavilion off to the side that had smoke running out the side from a fire in which smoked meat lay. The chef tossed spices over the top of it and handed it out to people in exchange for what looked like trinkets.

Anya gave her an amused look from over her shoulder. “We aren’t savages, skai girl, no matter what your ‘council’ told you.”

No, they weren’t. Everything Clarke had heard about the grounders has so far been proven wrong. These people didn’t look like heartless brutes. They looked like normal people. Sure, most were bigger and far more muscled and maybe they wore different clothes and spoke a different language. They are still the same in the end. Just people trying to find their way in the world their predecessors created around them.

They passed through two large wooden gates that closed behind them and they went into the forest.

Only an hour in and Clarke’s legs were aching.

She’d never in her life ridden a horse. She’d heard of them, even seen a couple, but never came close, much less sit atop one. At first, it was nauseating, the swing of the horse’s steps swaying her back and forth, but she learned to let her hips swing with the rhythm, to move with it instead of against it. As long as she sat back and relaxed, everything was fine. Except for the fact that sitting like this for an hour was not so comfortable. Clarke couldn’t imagine doing this for the entire day, much less think about how the grounders were able to perform inexplicable stunts on them. Sitting and walking was one thing. Putting your trust in a two-ton creature that could crush you under its feet? Not so easy.

They rode for the rest of the day, stopping once in between for a slight rest before they were back on the path. They passed many other travelers, most merchants trying to sell their goods. Most seemed put off by her, and Clarke wondered if the grounders viewed Skaikru in the same way as Skaikru viewed them.

Clarke was relieved to be off of her horse. The mounts were tied up to a tree and the grounders set up tents, four of them, on flat, even ground. When everyone had eaten and drank, two guards took up positions on either side of the camp and the others each took a tent. “Try anything, Skai girl, and the guards will not hesitate to knock you out,” Anya warned before she sent Clarke into one of the tents. She passed out the moment her head hit the pillow despite sleeping half the day.

The following day proceeded much the same. Nothing of note happened, and that night they set up the same way. Clarke grew more comfortable around the grounders, though she still didn’t trust any of them, and her thighs weren’t as sore as they were yesterday, much to her relief.

On the fourth day, they reached their destination. The first thing Clarke saw was a large tower sticking out of the trees, towering above them higher than anything she’d seen. As they grew closer, she could see that the tower stood in the center of a city, a city that stretched wide on all sides. The wall surrounding it was at least twice the size of Arkadia’s, perhaps more.

The people in the city were the most diverse she’d ever seen. People of all colors walked the streets, many waving politely to their small party. She saw people covered in tattoos like Trikru, people with scarred faces and pale skin, people with dark skin and braided hair, and many more. She couldn’t see into the stalls from where she was, but she couldn’t imagine what sorts of things they sold.

The tower, at the foot of it, reminded her of an old-world skyscraper. From the bottom, it was impossible to see the top, the many windows blurring together into fuzzy shapes.

Anya spoke softly yet harshly to her in the elevator, which Clarke was startled to discover worked. “The commander is not someone to take lightly. You will show Heda proper respect, and if you do not there will be severe punishment. Do not speak unless spoken to, but do not bow to Heda. This one, in particular, is not fond of the gesture.”

Clarke fidgeted nervously as they stepped out of the elevator, staring at the large set of doors at the end of the hall. Four guards were positioned in front of it, large men with menacing spears obviously meant to intimidate. It worked.

Their eyes fixed on her as she walked behind Anya, eyes on the ground. She heard the men knock twice on the doors before pushing them open. Anya walked in confidently with Clarke straggling behind her.

She felt a new gaze on her, one much less harsh and more curious than the guards. “Heda, this skai girl invaded our territory just a few days earlier. She claims to have not known where the borders were.”

“Is this true, Skai girl?” Clarke felt a jolt of surprise at the voice. She had expected a hard, masculine tone, harsh and rough, not this smooth yet demanding feminine one. She looked up for the first time since entering the room and laid her eyes upon the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen.

The commander lounged lazily on her throne, a knife spinning between her fingers. Her hair was a dark chocolate, slightly wavy and entwined with intricate braids. Her outfit was black leather, all padded and protected, with a large pauldron on her shoulder sporting a red sash. Her face was smooth and soft, her skin tanned nicely, yet her eyes were hard and serious.

Clarke dipped her head politely. “Yes, commander.”

“Why were you unaware of the border? You should have known not to come close.”

Clarke nodded. “Apologies, commander, but the Skaikru forbid anyone except the hunting parties and field tenders to leave the camp. That was the first day I’d been outside the walls since they were built. I hadn’t been aware I’d walked a full five miles.”

A man was standing to the right of the commander, just behind the throne. His face was adorned with a permanent scowl. He scoffed. “These Skaikru are problematic, Heda, just like I told you they were. They are so inordinate they don’t even bother showing their people the rules. I say we drive them out.”

“Shof op, Titus. If I want your opinion I will ask for it.” The commander looked back to Clarke, who suddenly felt so insignificant under her gaze. “So you went against your people’s laws to leave camp?”

Clarke flushed red. “Yes,” she said sheepishly. “After being stuck in the Ark, and then Arkadia, we wanted to explore what was out there.”

The commander raised an eyebrow. “We?”

“Ah-yes,” she stuttered. “Two friends left with me. I separated from them and I expect they turned around before reaching the border if you haven’t seen them, or maybe were caught by our guards.”

“I see.” The commander turned to Anya. “And why couldn’t you figure this out yourself?”

“I was unsure of a fit punishment for the girl,” she replied. “Her crime is not her own fault but that of her people, though the only option is to punish her in some way to show that we will not tolerate trespassers.”

The commander nodded. “You are right. Join me and my advisors for dinner tonight. We will discuss the matter then. For now, give this girl arrangements in a guest room. She is not a prisoner and I will not treat her as such, at least not until an outcome has been decided.” She signaled to the guards, who gestured for Clarke to go with them, though before she could, the bald man spoke up.

“Wait.” All three hesitated, and the commander turned to him. He looked at her pleadingly. “Heda, she is a trespasser. We do not accommodate trespassers.”

“And whose fault is it that she trespassed?”

“It is her own, Heda! I beg of you, please consider the fact that she may be lying to gain information.”

“I don’t believe she is,” Anya said. “I saw her when she crossed the border. She was not looking for any guards, much less expecting an attack. She truly did not know she crossed the border.”

“You cannot be sure!” The man insisted. “For all we know, she is a spy! A deceiving woman feigning innocence to keep her in good favor!”

“Titus, she is not-”

“Enough!” The commander rose from her chair, throwing her arms out to the side. The braziers caught fire, the flames roaring up until they brushed the ceiling. Titus and Anya both froze. “We will settle this matter over dinner instead of arguing about it like children. Guards, take the girl to her rooms. Titus, Anya, remain.” Clarke looked at the commander fearfully, her piercing eyes boring right through her before the guards led her out of the throne room, the doors shutting behind them.

Clarke’s rooms were large, thrice the size of her old one on the Ark, even with her parent’s status on the council. She had an incredible view from the balcony, a comfortable fur bed instead of a hard cot, and, to her surprise, the drawers of the desk contained items in them. Most were simple, everyday things, nothing you would think twice about, but Clarke was surprised and delighted to find out they had paper and charcoal. They had practically none at Arkadia, and the resources on the Ark were scarce. She wondered how plentiful paper was to the grounders. They must have a lot if they would leave it laying in a guest room like this.

And so Clarke drew. The first thing she drew was Polis. It was grander than any city she’d seen, with the tower looming in the middle, a flame perched precariously atop it. She sketched it out and shaded it enough to form shape and distinction before she itched to move to something else. There were so many things to draw, she was impatient to get them all out. She’d finish that one later.

To her surprise, time passed quickly. By the time the guards brought in her dinner, she’d sketched out a picture of the forest, of a horse, and was in the middle of sketching the intricate throne she’d seen the commander sitting upon. The meal smelled heavenly, and she wolfed down the smoked meat and deliciously seasoned corn. If this was what she got to eat here, she’d happily stay a while.

After her meal, she finished her sketch of the throne and was trying to decide on what to draw next when the doors opened. She looked up from where she sat at the table to see the commander walking in. Her pauldron was gone, but the red ribbons twined into her hair still marked her as the commander.

Clarke stood up, brushing her drawings to the side. “Commander,” she said, inclining her head politely.

“We have come to a decision about your fate,” she said, skipping over pleasantries. “You are allowed to leave whenever you wish to return to your people with no punishment. However,” she paused, “you will deliver the message that any skaikru caught beyond the border, accidental or not, will be punished accordingly by my people.”

Clarke tilted her head. “Punished accordingly?”

“If it was a misunderstanding or curious children, the worst they would face might be captivity for some time or maybe working as an indentured servant, if the crime was so bad. If we have reason to believe they had malicious intent, they will be killed.”

Clarke was a bit startled by her casual stance on such a thing but nodded. “Of course. I will tell our leaders when I return.”

“And when will you return?”

Clarke was surprised. “I get a choice?”

“Yes. You are my guest for the time you remain at Polis. You may leave whenever you wish.”

She blinked, staying silent for a minute. “Can I stay a few more days?”

“If that is what you wish.” The commander walked over to her, looking down at her drawings before nodding to the couch. “May I?”

Clarke shifted over, allowing the Commander to sit with a few feet of space between them. The commander dragged one of her drawings over to look at, speaking without looking up. “Can I ask why you wish to stay instead of return to your people?”

She had to take a moment to process the question. “Um, yeah. I guess I just want to be somewhere new. As I told you, I’ve never left Arkadia since we came to Earth.”

The commander looked disturbed by that. “Not even once? You never explored the trees around your home?”

“Never. Unless you were hunting or gathering materials or some other task, you were forbidden from going past the treeline.”

The commander pursed her lips thoughtfully. “You were forbidden to explore the trees despite that you had grown up in a metal box your entire life.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I cannot say I pity you at all,” she replied. “I would much despair at such a life. It’s a wonder no one else has wandered out of your camp.”

“Security’s tight. It’s hard to leave without getting noticed.”

“Then how did you?”

Clarke shrugged. “One of my friends helped design the fence around Arkadia. She knew all the loopholes.”

The commander still looked a bit confused. “I’ve been told your fence is nothing more than wires. I do not understand how hard it could be to leave.”

Clarke hesitated at this. If she told the commander the strength of their fences, it was possible she’d use that against them. Then again, from what Clarke had seen, the commander had no intention of attacking. Even so, the grounders were likely strong enough to bring down the fence anyway. “The fence is electric. If you touch the wires, you’ll get shocked with a hundred volts at about a fifteen hundred milliamps.”

The commander looked even more confused. “I do not know what any of that means.”

“Oh. Right. If you touched it, it would hurt. A lot.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Would it?”

“Yeah. I know your warriors are tough and all, but trust me, they would definitely feel it.”

“If you say so.” The commander had tugged a couple more of Clarke’s sketches over to look at. “Would you mind if I asked about your life on your ‘Ark’? I find such a life hard to understand.”

“Uh, sure.” Clarke fidgeted in place. Though this woman couldn’t be much older than herself, she radiated an aura of power that made Clarke want to bend to her every command. It was no wonder she was the leader around here.

“Your ‘ship’ was in the sky for over a hundred years. How did it stay afloat?”

“Oh, um, well, up in space, there isn’t any gravity, which basically means there’s nothing pulling you toward the ground. The problem with space is that there isn’t any oxygen, so if you leave the ship without a suit, you’d die.”

“Like the maunon,” the commander muttered.

“The mountain men? Exactly like that.” Clarke leaned back against the cushions and sighed, memories flashing through her mind. “We had no dirt to grow our food in and no animals to get meat from, so everything was artificial. It all tasted bland. Even the water felt impure.”

“How do you get meat without animals?”

Clarke shrugged. “I have no idea how they did it, but they used the plants that they grew in this odd kind-of-dirt material to make it into something like meat. It was terrible, but it worked.” Memories of her first taste of real meat came back to her. “The half-raw rabbit we ate our first day was the best thing I’d ever had.”

The commander had a look of disgust on her face, and Clarke couldn’t blame her. The food an average grounder ate was a million times better than what the Ark had made. “What made your people come to the ground if you were surviving in ‘space’?”

“We were running out of air. When the Ark first launched from Earth, it was packed with a ton of oxygen, enough to last for centuries, but after living in it for two hundred years it began to run out, and so we had to leave. We didn’t even know if we’d survive on the ground, but likely death is better than certain death.” Clarke remembered feeling terrified as the Exodus ships launched, blasting them to the ground with no assurance of even making it down alive. She shuddered at the thought.

The commander hummed and was about to ask another question before there was a knock at the door. “Heda?”

She looked up sharply. “Chit ste em yu gaf (what is it you need)?”

` “Bandrona kom yujleda gada don kom op. Em seiso hit kom yu taim na kom au (An ambassador from Yujleda has arrived. She asked to meet with you as soon as possible).”

The commander nodded, standing from the couch. “I appreciate the knowledge you’ve given me and hope you will feel welcome for the next couple of days. Have a good night, skai girl.”

“Clarke.”

She turned back around, her eyebrows furrowing, and Clarke noticed just how bright of green her eyes were. “What?”

“You keep calling me sky girl,” she said. “My name’s Clarke.”

The commander nodded. “And I am Leksa kom Trikru, though, as is protocol, you must call me commander, or simply Heda.” She went to leave but paused a moment. “Would you mind if I came back around this time tomorrow?”

That wasn’t something Clarke was expecting. “Uh, sure, if you want.”

“Good. You’re a very interesting person, Klark kom Skaikru. I do hope you realize that.” With that final statement, she pulled open a door and left.

Clarke was left wondering if a person could be any more confusing.

Despite being alone in her room the entire next day, Clarke enjoyed her day. She cleaned up her drawings from the night before and began new ones, sitting on the balcony outside and drawing Polis from an above angle. She’d snagged some books from a dusty shelf in the corner, most in the grounder language but a couple of old-world books tucked in among them. She’d picked out something that was described as a ‘sci-fi thriller’ and began to read that.

The food was even better than she’d had previously. A steak of meat, wheat biscuit, a collection of fruits, and a goblet of light wine with her dinner. She’d never had alcohol, wasn’t allowed to at Arkadia, but it was slight enough that she wasn’t bothered.

True to her word, Lexa knocked on her doors about an hour after dinner. Clarke let her in and they sat down as they had the night before.

“Klark. How was your day?” Lexa began, stretching her arms over the top of the couch. Clarke ignored the fact that her hand was close enough to brush her shoulder.

“It was good. Not much to do in a single room, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. We don’t have actual paper at Arkadia, so I’m grateful for that.”

“I’m glad,” Lexa said. “If you’d like tomorrow, you may explore the city. The guards will accompany you, assist you if necessary, but they will not bother you. Do not feel as if you must remain in your room your entire stay. If you ever need anything, do not hesitate to ask.”

Clarke blinked. “I appreciate your kindness, Commander.”

“You are my guest. I will not have you restricted like a prisoner.”

Clarke didn’t know what to say to that, so she said nothing.

Lexa nodded toward her papers. “You said you had no paper at Arkadia. If you did not have any, how do you draw so well?”

“We had chalk up on the Ark, and my dad, being an engineer, had charcoal that he used to teach me. I learned from him. Down here, we don’t have anything. I haven’t been able to really draw in months.” She fingered the charcoal, rolling it until a fine black coat covered her fingertips. “It’s refreshing to be able to draw again.”

“If you’d like, I can have some of our watercolors brought here for you.”

“Watercolors? You mean colors I can draw with?” Clarke had seen such pictures in books, paintings done in all shades of the rainbow, colors she wished she could replicate. “You have those?”

“Yes. They are a form of dye mixed with water. Fairly easy to make, if you know what types of plants produce what color.” The corners of Lexa’s lips twitched up as she watched Clarke’s face morph into a mixture of awe and excitement. “I shall have them brought to you tomorrow.”

“I- would love that. Thank you,” Clarke breathed, unable to keep the smile off of her face.

Lexa scanned over the room. “I see you found the books.”

“Yeah. Most are in- whatever language you speak, but a couple are in English.”

“I have not practiced my Gonasleng reading in a while,” Lexa mused, tugging the book Clarke had been reading to her and flipping it open to a random page. The sun was setting beneath the horizon and darkening the corners of the room enough that reading the words on the page was impossible. With a flick of her wrist, Lexa had all the candles in the room alight with their tiny flames.

Clarke yelped at the sudden burst of light and Lexa gave her an odd look. “Are you alright?”

“What-how-” she took a moment, breathing in deeply. “How the hell did you just do that?”

“You mean light the candles, yes?” She nodded. Lexa seemed just as confused as she was. “I summoned the flames. Do you not have fayahakas (fire-makers) in Arkadia?”

“You summoned them?” Clarke had to stop a minute, reining in her mind. “You can summon fire?”

“Yes.”

“Can everyone summon fire?”

“Of course not,” Lexa said, her eyebrows furrowed inquisitively. “Only the strongest control fire. The others control weaker elements.”

“Hold on, let me get this straight,” Clarke said. “Your people can control elements.”

“Yes. Yours cannot?”

“No! I’ve never even heard of such a thing!” She exhaled heavily. “What about your general? Anya? What does she control?”

“Anya is a graunhaka. She controls the earth beneath our feet.” Lexa tilted her head. “You have no keryonakas? None at all?”

“If you mean people that can control stuff like earth and fire, no, we don’t. Everyone can control elements?”

“Yes. It is something you are born with. Children are taught to harness their powers at a young age.”

“Harness their powers,” Clarke muttered. “Do you think we would be able to if we were taught how?”

“It is possible,” Lexa said. “Do you wish to try?”

“I- yes, I would. Hell yes.”

Lexa looked her up and down, taking her in, and nodded. “Okay. We begin tomorrow.”

“Wait, really? What’s going to happen?”

“I will complete my duties as Heda and collect you after I have finished training with the natblidas, likely mid-afternoon. I will by then have chosen a place to go.” Lexa twitched her wrist, the flames from a single candle flowing to her and twirling around her finger. “Keryonak is not something to be treated lightly. A single mistake can be lethal to the controller or those around them. You must enter this seriously. Do you swear to do so?”

Clarke wasn’t sure she could say no even if she tried, with those eyes boring down on her. “I swear.”

“Good. Be ready tomorrow.” Lexa stood, her fingers brushing lightly over Clarke’s shoulder as she retracted her arms. “I will have the colors delivered to your room tomorrow morning, as promised.”

The watercolors. Clarke had forgotten about those. The excitement over such a thing was overshadowed by the idea of the grounders being some sort of magic. She dipped her head politely. “Good night, Heda.”

“Reshop, Klark.”

Lexa knocked on her door exactly when she’d promised she would.

“I will be taking you to a remote location just outside of Polis,” Lexa said as she led Clarke to the elevator at the end of the hallway. “There are still many who are opposed to keeping Skaikru alive and would not appreciate me revealing our powers of keryonak. We will be taking one of the lesser-traveled roads to one of the side gates. Try not to draw attention to yourself.”

Lexa turned out to be a hypocrite. She drew enough attention for both of them.

Clarke was in awe at how much the people revered her. Many came up to them offering Lexa their praises, gifts, or asking for a blessing. At one point, a small child of no more than five ran up to them and tugged on the side of Lexa’s coat. “Yu krei meizen, Heda. En yuj. Ai gaf ge belaik yu (You’re very pretty, Commander. And strong. I want to be strong like you)!” Lexa chuckled, ruffling his hair and whispering promises in his ear before sending him away. Her tenderness with the child did nothing but boost Clarke’s respect for her.

Their guards stopped at the side gates, joining the other gatekeepers as Lexa continued into the forest. She took the time to admire the scenery around them, not much different from the woods they’d traveled through to get to Polis, but still breathtakingly beautiful nonetheless. She noted the small smile on Lexa’s face when she looked back at her. “The trees amaze you.”

“Yeah, they do.” Clarke did not need to explain why. Lexa already knew.

“You will have time to admire them later. We are here.” They had only walked for maybe five minutes and now emerged into a small clearing, looking as if it had been created by man rather than naturally. There were racks of wooden swords to the side and thick lines traced in the dirt, forming a small arena.

“Working with the spirit powers is a delicate task. If you waver even slightly, you may lose your grasp, something which can be deadly when working with something such as fire,” Lexa said, drawing a line of fire out of thin air. “We will start small. Anything larger than the size of your palm is generally hard for anyone inexperienced to keep control of.”

Clarke shifted, unable to keep still. “How do I know what I am?”

“That is what we will figure out. All elements are usually an indicator of personality. Water is calm and soft but can turn deadly in an instant. Earth is a realist, someone who is firm in their beliefs and stubborn to the core. Storm is anger, people who are often unable to contain themselves. Fire is power, strength, a sign of great leadership. There has never been a commander who did not harness flames.” Lexa masterfully weaved tendrils of fire in and out, creating an intricate dance in the air. The sparks that came from then had Clarke taking a step back.

Lexa pulled the flames back into her. “We will try each element until we find which one you are. Water, fire, and storm can all be summoned using the same basic method, so we shall begin there. Are you ready?” Clarke took a deep breath and nodded. As exciting as this was, it scared her. She didn’t let that put her down.

Lexa began her instructions. “Draw the energy from the air. Feel the power around you, the spirit that chose you, and summon its power to you. Imagine it clustering above your palm, hovering there, still and unmoving.” Lexa demonstrated, a small ball of fire forming above her open hand.

Clarke did so and realized that she could feel something. The air around her seemed to hum, calling softly to her. “I can feel it.”

“Good. Draw it to you.”

Clarke tried to reach out, grasping for something she couldn’t reach. She tried tugging it closer, but it didn’t budge. “It isn’t coming. I can’t reach it.”

“Don’t reach for it. Ask for it. Call it to you. Be gentle with it. Show it the respect it deserves.”

She opened herself to the power, asking for it to come to her, treating it like she was coaxing a shy child. It edged closer to her, relenting to her requests and surrounding her in comfortable warmth. She urged it to gather in front of her, to form something solid.

It all moved forward and drew itself together into a ball of power that the moment it formed exploded into a blast of searing light. She yelped, blinking quickly to regain her sight after the sudden blinding light. Lexa was a bit disoriented, staring in disbelief at her.

Clarke let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “Did I… did I do it?”

Lexa was silent for a moment, composing herself before answering. “You did… something.”

“What do you mean? Did I do it wrong?”

“No, no, you did everything right. It was perfect. It’s just-” Lexa took a deep breath, closing her eyes and rubbing at her temples as if she had a headache. “What you summoned was not as I expected. Not water, storm, fire, or earth.”

Clarke couldn’t seem to grasp what that meant. “Them what did I summon?”

“I believe,” Lexa said slowly, “that you have just unearthed an entirely new element.”

Clarke was hyperventilating. Lexa barely seemed able to contain her emotions.

“What the hell do I do?” Clarke asked, her voice quiet. “This changes things, doesn’t it?”

“Yes,” Lexa admitted. “Such a discovery has not been made since Bekka Pramheda. This is groundbreaking.”

“Are you still going to let me go?”

“I will not have you kept prisoner here,” Lexa insisted. “You have done nothing wrong. Though, I would ask of you to stay a bit longer after this.”

“Why? What’s going to happen to me?”

“I will have to inform my people. There are many who would want to harness your power themselves, to take you and claim you as their own. But we will not tell them yet.” Clarke stood straighter at that. “We do not even know exactly what this is. With your permission, I would like to start active lessons between you and me, working with your spirit. Discovering what it is and what it holds. I will not have them informed until after you are back within the safety of your own people.”

Clarke felt a rush of sudden emotions toward the young commander, understanding just how much she had risked for her already. To house her even with the threat of others trying to kill her, to show her their secret powers, to train her in such powers, and now she was putting her life on the life to make sure she remained safe. “I cannot express how grateful I am to you for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you.”

Lexa seemed a bit miffed at the sudden announcement but smiled back. “Of course, Clarke. The lessons?”

“Oh!” As she could see it, Clarke had two options: accept the commander’s offer of teaching her more about her mysterious powers, or going home. The choice seemed obvious. “Of course. I’ll work with you.”

“Good. Could you find your way back to the gates we exited through tomorrow without my guidance?” Clarke nodded. “Then I shall meet you there two candlemarks after noon.”

“Candlemarks?”

“Yes. I believe you call them ‘hours.’ Have you noticed the candles the handmaiden brings in when she delivers your food?”

“You mean the ones with the nails in them? Yeah.”

“When a nail falls, it strikes the hour. The maid arrives at eight, so the sixth nail would be two after noon. Do you think you can be here by then?”

“I think so.”

Lexa nodded. “Very well. We must return. I have a few more duties to attend to before dinner.”

“Yeah, okay.” Clarke didn’t move to follow her, though, and Lexa turned to give her a confused look. Clarke focused around her, feeling the hum that somehow already felt familiar. This time she drew only a small bit, condensing it above her hand and forming a small glowing ball.

Lexa rushed back toward her, stopping a foot away. She hesitantly reached forward, her hand going right through the ball. “Light,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. “You are a sonchaka.”

“Light,” she repeated, trying to move the ball as Lexa had with her flame only for it to dissipate back into the air. The two women stood in silence for a moment, taking it all in.

Lexa gripped Clarke’s shoulders roughly. “Tell no one. Not a soul. This cannot get out, do you understand?”

“Yes, commander.”

“Good.” Lexa let go, sighing heavily. “And please, call me Leksa.”

Clarke froze mid-step. “But protocol-”

“Is not necessary when the only one I am around is you. Please, Klark. I would like to consider you a friend, especially if we are to continue meeting day after day.”

She nodded. “Okay. Lexa.”

They exchanged small smiles before finally beginning their return to Polis.

To Clarke’s surprise, Lexa visited her again that night, same time as she always did. She carried books in her hands.

“I had my fleimkepa scan our records on elementals,” she began once they were seated, placing the books on the table. “He found books on the discovery of the elements when the first people began to believe in the spirits from over a century ago. It was so long ago that many were written in English.” Lexa patted the books. “These are a few of them.”

Clarke took the top one. The cover said The Science of the Spirits, written in intricate cursive. Flipping to a random page, she saw that the entire thing was in English, more like a notebook than a novel. Sketches and graphs were scattered in among the words. She smiled at Lexa. “Thank you. I’ll be sure to look through them.”

Lexa dipped her head. “Have you worked any more on your soncha?”

“A bit.” She pulled up an orb of light, something she’d done so many times in the past couple of hours it came easily. “I can’t do much with it, though.”

“That’s to be expected. We will work on that more tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow. Okay.” The light dissipated, leaving the room in shadows.

They sat in silence for a minute, neither knowing what to say. “If you’d like, I can give you a tour of the city after tomorrow’s lesson.”

Clarke sat up. “I thought you had duties.”

Lexa shrugged. “I always have duties. They can be put off. I’d be glad to take a break from them for a little while, though I will be pressed on time. Unless you’d rather have one of your guards give you the tour?”

The thought of one of the large, quiet men who stood outside her room day and night giving her a tour was not very appealing. “No, no. I’d love if you would give me a tour of the city.”

“Very well.” She stood. “If there is nothing else to say, then I’ll be leaving. I shall do my own research on your soncha and inform you if there is anything you need to know.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Lexa nodded stiffly and left the room. Clarke sighed, adjusting to lean against the arm of the couch and tugging one of the books into her lap.

Her life had just become a hell of a lot more interesting.

Clarke and Lexa met at the gates and carried on to the arena. At first, their interactions were stiff and polite, nothing more than formal. Clarke managed to break that in a less than conventional way.

She held a ball of light in her hands, carefully increasing its size until it was twice the size of her fist. She added another pulse of energy and it exploded in her face.

Lexa snorted, barely able to contain her laughter as Clarke fell flat on her ass in surprise. She stood up, brushing the dirt off and looking at Lexa, who now had a playful smirk on her face. “Are you alright, Klark?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” she said, and Lexa exhaled sharply to keep from bursting out laughing. Clarke glared at her and Lexa’s grin only widened.

“Shall we try again?”

Clarke tossed a ball of light at Lexa’s face. It did nothing but amuse her more. Clarke buried her face in her hands and a soft glow began to waft off her body. Lexa informed her of such.

“Great, now I’m a fucking lightbulb.” Clarke stared at her arms with as much intensity as she could until the light flickered away. She grumbled about it under her breath and turned back to Lexa. “So, the tour?”

Lexa had gotten ahold of her expression, but her eyes still glinted with laughter. “Of course, Klark. Come.”

The guards followed behind at a distance as they stepped off the side streets and into the main market. It was filled to the brim, people from all tribes bustling around. Clarke stared slack-jawed at everything around her. Peering into one of the stalls, she saw someone drop a little bone necklace into the shopkeeper’s hand in return for a small carved figurine of a deer.

She felt Lexa brush up beside her. “Come, Klark. There is one place I think you will enjoy.”

Lexa led her into an art shop.

The walls were lined with pictures, done in charcoal, watercolor, paints, so vibrant and smooth that they looked unreal. Clarke gaped at them, reaching up to trace her fingers along a painted river flowing across. The texture was rough and layered, the foam sticking off the page just a bit more than the rest of it. She heard Lexa talking to the shopkeeper behind her but didn’t pay any attention to what they were saying. Walking through the racks of paintings, they were all she could focus on.

She paused at one. This was of Lexa. She was covered in thick armor, her red sash flowing out behind her, flames lighting it up. Lexa held balls of flame in her hand, the background being a reddish-brown background that looked more volcanic than anything she’d ever seen. Lexa’s face was covered in black warpaint, making her look terrifyingly striking.

She heard a laugh from behind her. “You will find multiple paintings of myself, I am sure. The commanders are viewed more like gods than humans, even myself. Some even say the commanders are the fire spirit itself.”

“Do you believe that?”

“No. I am Heda because I killed children, not because I’m a goddess.” Lexa’s lip curled. “I would much rather have ascended that way.”

“You did what you had to do.” Clarke sighed. “Why were you chosen to be commander?”

“I am a natblida. All natblidas are trained from a young age until the commander dies, in which they will fight to the death. The winner ascends to be commander and the hunt for a new generation of natblidas begins.”

Clarke winced. “Are all the natblidas fayahakas?”

“There are only two fayahakas in this generation, but there has never been a commander who was not one. The most promising of the natblidas is one.” Lexa’s lips twitched up into a grin. “You will have to meet them sometime. You will adore them.”

“How young are they?”

“The oldest is thirteen. The youngest is ten.”

Clarke felt a pang in her heart. “And they have to kill each other.”

“When I die, yes. I wish it did not have to be that way.” Lexa sighed. “I have suggested changing the tradition multiple times, but no one else agrees with me. It is a show of strength, they say.” She exhaled, reaching to the back of her neck.

Clarke rested a hand on Lexa’s bicep. “I’m sorry you had to do that, but you had no choice.”

“I did.” Lexa’s eyes unfocused as she thought back. “There were eight other natblidas in my generation, and contrary to belief, I was not the top of my class. There was another girl who could beat everyone she fought, including myself. I looked up to her as an older sister. When the conclave came, each fought our way through the other children. When it came time to fight each other, she fled. Disappeared from Polis. She didn’t resurface until two years ago as the leader of the floudonkru.”

“Two years ago? How long have you been Heda for?”

“I have been Heda for eight years. I ascended when I was twelve summers.”

“Twelve years,” Clarke murmured. She squeezed Lexa’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. It is something I regret, but to be stuck on their death would be to dishonor them. I can only be the best I can be.”

Clarke smiled softly at her. “And you are. You’re possibly the only person who actually treats me like a human here. Even at Arkadia, I was treated like a child, scolded for trying to be my own person. So thank you, Lexa. I’m sure the other novitiates are proud of what you’ve done with their sacrifice.”

Lexa chuckled quietly, her eyes glistening. She had a sad smile on her face that made Clarke’s bones ache. Lexa made her feel in a way no one ever had.

It was addictive.

They continued to meet outside every day. When Lexa started to get behind on her duties, they resigned to meeting after dinner in Clarke’s rooms like they had the first couple days.

Clarke couldn’t get enough of her. Lexa’s nightly visits were the highlight of her day. When they were alone, Lexa could strip off parts of her mask, and Clarke was slowly getting her to remove more and more. Beneath it all, Lexa was just a young girl who wanted to enjoy her life.

Clarke had basically mastered her powers. Drawing from her energy reserve took barely even a thought now and manipulating the light took just a twitch of her finger. Clarke was obsessed with it, and Lexa was too, though she didn’t let it stop her from lighting all the candles in the room whenever she came in.

They had draped themselves across the couch in Clarke’s solar, Lexa complaining about her work and Clarke listening intently. “The ambassadors refuse to see sense,” she groaned, making abstract shapes in the air with her fire. “Louwoda Kliron is complaining that they are outgrowing their land and is demanding that Yujleda surrender a portion of theirs. They are demanding too much for too little a price and refuse to negotiate past that.”

“Did they decide that?”

“No. I ended the meeting before it could escalate.” She dropped her head onto the back of the couch, sighing heavily. “The ambassadors will be returning to their clans in three days' time to make their seasonal report, thank the spirits. I will have almost a fortnight without them.”

“Why so long?” At Lexa’s scalding look, Clarke corrected herself. “Not that I’m complaining, but why would they be gone for so long?”

“Because the Ingranrona Kru are almost a week’s ride away from Polis. It is a break I have been looking forward to since the last one ended.”

Clarke snorted, leaning close enough that their shoulders brushed and adding a strand of light to Lexa’s dance. Lexa gave her an amused look, twirling her fire around the white ribbon. Clarke condensed it into a thicker glow and escaped from its fiery cage, brushing the edge of the flames.

Lexa paused. “Wait. Do that again.”

“Do what again?”

“Just keep still,” she commanded. Clarke balled up her light and held it in place. Lexa prodded at the light with her fire. Nothing happened. Lexa sighed.

“What are you trying to do?” Clarke asked softly.

“I just… thought I saw something. It was probably nothing.” She shook her head.

Clarke looked up at the disappearing stroke of fire. “Wait.”

Lexa looked up. “What?”

“Put the fire back.”

Lexa frowned but did as she asked. Clarke took her little globe of light and it flowed right into the core of the fire. It glowed white, the fire softening into a warm gold.

Clarke hummed. “That’s pretty cool.”

Lexa’s brows furrowed. “Cool? It is fire. Fire is not cold.”

Clarke chuckled. “No, no, not like that. It’s Skaikru slang. It means ‘amazing’ or ‘interesting.’”

“Then yes, I suppose it is ‘cool.’” Clarke grinned. Hearing Lexa say something like that wasn’t something she’d ever expected to hear.

A loud clang alerted them that the twenty-first candlemark had hit. Lexa sighed. “I must go.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” Clarke said, standing up and offering Lexa a hand. She took it. Instead of releasing immediately after, Lexa tightened her hold and, after a moment of hesitation, leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on Clarke’s cheek. She left with a small smile gracing her face.

Clarke stood in place for a couple minutes after Lexa was gone. She reached up and touched the spot Lexa had kissed, staring at the door, stunned into silence. The commander of the twelve clans just kissed her. Lexa just kissed her.

She couldn’t think of a better way to end her evening.

Lexa came an hour later than usual the next day. She refused to meet Clarke’s eyes when she let her in.

“I’ve arranged for you to meet the natblidas,” Lexa said, standing by the couch awkwardly. “You had said you’d like to meet them, so I had it arranged. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not,” Clarke said, leaning forward and resting her elbows on her knees.

Lexa fidgeted, her gaze down at the floor. Clarke took note of her flushed cheeks. “Wonderful. I, um, will retrieve you tomorrow at the fourteenth candlemark. If that’s okay.”

“It’s perfect.” Clarke shifted closer, reaching out to skim her fingers over Lexa’s wrist. She flinched. “Lexa, look at me. Please. You’re acting odd.”

“I’m probably just tired.” Lexa backed away from the couch. “I should retire. Goodnight, Klark.”

“Lexa, wait.” Clarke stood, walking over to her. “Look at me. Beja, Lexa. You don’t need to hide from me.”

Lexa took a shuddering breath, angling her face away. Clarke rested a hand on the small of her back, feeling her stiffen under her touch. “Lexa.”

Lexa spun around suddenly, making Clarke stumble back. “What?” She demanded, her eyes red, lips trembling. “What do you want?”

“I want to help you.” Clarke stepped closer, carefully taking one of Lexa’s hands in hers. She shook and Clarke wrapped both hands around it. She sought out her eyes, forest green, which were looking everywhere but Clarke. “Tell me what’s wrong, love.”

Lexa’s eyes flickered up to her face, widening in surprise. Clarke understood then. Understood what Lexa wanted but was too afraid to ask for. What she was afraid of facing. Something Clarke was afraid of, too. But she would take the plunge. For both of them.

Clarke reached up and rested a hand lightly on Lexa’s cheek. She brushed her thumb over the corner of her lips, watching Lexa’s eyes dart between her face and the floor. Clarke slipped the hand beneath her chin, tilting her head up, angling her head slightly. Leaning in, she brushed their lips lightly. It was light, barely felt, but she tilted forward again, the feather of a touch merging into a kiss.

Lexa didn’t move for a moment, her body stock still, until with a single breath she practically melted. Their bodies melded together, sliding into place like two pieces of a puzzle. Clarke released Lexa’s hand, wrapping her arm around her waist and tugging her closer, the other hand massaging her jaw. Lexa’s hands wandered up, hesitantly brushing over Clarke’s shoulders, but Clarke squeezed Lexa closer and she relented, wrapping her arms around her neck.

They broke apart, panting, Lexa with tears dripping down her face. Clarke brushed them away, pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth. “Are you alright, love?”

Lexa closed her eyes at the pet name, leaning into Clarke’s hand. She hummed. “Mhm.”

Clarke felt her heart racing, threatening to beat out of her chest. She’d just kissed Lexa. God, she couldn’t process it. She hadn’t even been here a fortnight and she’d just kissed the commander. The fucking commander. Though at the moment, it wasn’t the commander she held in her arms, soft, warm, heavy.

Clarke led her back over to the couch, sitting down and pulling Lexa down on top of her. Lexa pressed a messy kiss to her cheek, arms tightening around her neck. Clarke brushed her lips over Lexa’s jawline, mouthing at the sharp jut that made her look so damn tough. Lexa groaned, dropping her head onto Clarke’s shoulder.

Clarke tore herself away from her neck, sitting back against the couch, keeping her arms loosely wrapped around Lexa’s waist. Lexa sat back as well, fingers twirling the baby hairs on the back of her neck. On her face was a wide grin. Sparks flew off of her, a section of her hair catching aflame. Clarke chuckled, patting it out. “You’re sparking, love.”

Lexa bit her lip. “And you’re glowing, hodnes.” Clarke scowled and Lexa dug her teeth into her lip to keep herself from giggling. She was the commander. She did not giggle.

Clarke leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to her nose. “You like me?”

“Is it not obvious?”

“You’re right,” she agreed. “Then it’s obvious that I like you?”

“Mm, I should hope so.” Lexa brought a hand around to stroke down her face. “You’re stunning, ai soncha. It was hard to keep my hands off you.”

Clarke exhaled with a small puff. “If I’d known you wouldn’t kill me for it I would have had my hands on you a long time ago.” She laughed quietly. “And to think that only two weeks ago I thought the commander was some giant, rough scar-faced man who would kill me on sight.” The absurdity of it all only made her laugh harder. “And now I have the commander sitting in my lap, a beautiful, terrifying woman who I can’t fucking resist.”

Lexa sighed, nuzzling her nose into Clarke’s cheek. “Flatterer.”

“It’s true. You’re lovely.” Lexa purred, kissing her neck. Clarke groaned as she started nipping at her skin. “Lexa, we should talk about this-”

“Later.” She lapped at the red skin she left after a particularly harsh bite. “Let us enjoy this. Just this moment.”

And how could she resist?

Lexa left a half hour later. Clarke’s mind was blurry and dizzy and she swore she couldn’t see straight.

They hadn’t had sex or anything; Clarke wasn’t at all prepared for that. It was all touches and kisses and caresses and the affection that they both had been denied for too long.

They hadn’t talked. About what this meant. About what it would do to them. About how it would work with them being who they were - an intruder skai girl and the grounder commander. An odd couple, to be sure.

Lexa came by at the fourteenth candlemark the following day, just as she had promised. The smiles they shared were different. More open and affectionate. Happier.

“The natblidas come up here to train every day,” Lexa told Clarke as they stood hundreds of feet above the city, the view even more impressive with the addition of the commander tower. “Usually Titus trains them, as I normally have duties to attend to, but the ambassadors departed today, so I offered to take over.” A smile graced her face. “The natblidas hold a place close to me.”

Clarke reached over and took her hand. “I’m excited to meet them.”

Lexa squeezed her hand. “You’ll love them. They’ll love you, too. Children are much more open-minded than adults. They won’t let your clan get in the way of who you are.”

Clarke huffed. “That’d be a first.” She raised an eyebrow at Lexa’s look. “You can’t deny that it doesn’t matter to you. It does. It matters to us.”

“I wish it didn’t,” she sighed. “For me to take you would make me look weak because you are an outsider. And I doubt your people would appreciate it either.”

“Fuck what my people have to say. They aren’t here right now.” She leaned closer. “And yours aren’t here right now, either.”

Lexa gave her an amused glance. “As much as I want to, the natblidas are here. We will have time later.”

“You’d better keep that promise.” The greenery behind them rustled and the two separated. The first to walk into the clearing was a boy, only a couple of inches shorter than Clarke, with tousled blonde-red hair and pale skin. He had slim muscle packed into his arms and legs, a show of strength despite his skinniness. He grinned. “Heda! You have not visited in a while!”

“I know. I apologize. I’ve been busy,” Lexa said, stepping forward to hug him. Six other kids crowded around her, the youngest clinging to her arm. Clarke almost cooed.

“Heda, who’s she?” All eyes turned to Clarke. She shifted her weight, smiling nervously.

Lexa ruffled the young girl’s hair. “This is Klark. You may have heard of her. She is Skaikru.”

Aden was the first to step forward. “Pleasure to meet you, Klark kom Skaikru. I am Aden kom Podakru.”

Clarke relaxed. “The pleasure’s all mine, Aden.”

He smiled at her. The other six natblidas introduced themselves, no two being from the same clan. Clarke was particularly drawn to a young brunette girl of eleven from the Sankru named Kalya. The young girl seemed genuinely happy to meet her, offering her arm in greeting, a sign of respect among their culture.

Lexa herded them away to train them and Clarke watched from the sides. First, Lexa fought each of them individually. Aden was the only one who got a hit on her; likely why Lexa claimed he was the most likely successor. It was incredible to see how they fought with their powers. Water, electricity, earth, fire, each of them had a beauty to them. Electricity was like a bullet; if you didn't know it was coming you couldn’t dodge it. Water was smooth and flowing; not solid but a good way to disorient. Earth made the entire arena a tricky place to maneuver. The ground would jut out or retract in, not something that happened quick but deadly if you didn’t avoid it. Fire was a whole different story.

Lexa and Aden fought with fire. It was a deadly dance, both fighting for control. Aden would lash out and Lexa would snap it away, sending her own projectile. Fire couldn’t hurt either of them but it could burn through armor, melt weapons if hot enough and could act as a blindfold. By the time Aden was down, the entire clearing was filled with smoke.

After that, they paired up to fight, Lexa working with one herself. She was harsh in her teachings but always kept her students safety in mind.

When it was all over, most of them collapsed to the ground to rest. Lexa walked back to her, slick with sweat that made Clarke’s core pulse. She leaned over, muttering in her ear. “You’re hot when you’re all sweaty.”

Lexa furrowed her brows. “Hot? Of course. Exercise always warms the body.”

Clarke snuffed a laugh. “That’s not what I meant.” She leaned back in. “In our culture, ‘hot’ means attractive.”

Lexa flushed. “Oh.”

Clarke snorted, shifting slightly away to a more respectable distance. One of the natblidas came over to them. “Heda, why did you bring the skaigada?” The other nightbloods crowded closer to hear her answer.

Lexa rested a hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “I wanted you to meet her. Klark has become a friend of mine. I thought you would like her.”

The youngest, a boy of Asian descent from the plain riders, tugged on her sleeve. “Can you tell us about Skaikru?”

Clarke smiled. “Of course. What do you wish to know?”

Clarke spent a good part of the next half-hour talking to them about Arkadia and the Ark. They seemed horrified at her life. “You don’t have keryonakas?”

She shook her head. “No. I didn’t even know such a thing existed until I came here.”

“So you don’t have a spirit?”

Clarke sent Lexa a questioning glance. Lexa’s eyes flickered to the nightbloods and she nodded.

“I do,” Clarke said. “Lexa taught me how to find it.”

“What are you?” The young boy was bouncing on his heels. “I bet you’re a wodahaka.”

“I think she’s a graunhaka!”

They turned eagerly back to her. “Which one are you?”

She chuckled. “Neither. Nor am I a fayahaka or a strakahaka.” She pulled out of the air a globe of white light, like a mini star held in her palm. “I am what you might call a sonchaka.”

“A light-maker.” Aden stepped forward, eyes wide. He reached forward. “Can I?” Clarke pushed the globe to him.

His fingers slipped right through it without any resistance. His face filled with wonder as the light trailed after his fingertips when he retreated. The other children pushed closer to get a better view.

Clarke pulled out a ribbon of light, twirling it around Kalya and making her look like some sort of ethereal goddess. She laughed, reaching up to touch the swirling glow. It recoiled from her touch, forming into a little fox and nuzzling her palm before dissipating.

She released more ribbons, the light spiraling around the clearing, dipping up and down and in and out. Lexa held up a hand, tendrils of flame joining in with the light show. Her fire sparked into a golden hue. The natblidas gaped at the impressive display of power.

Clarke pulled back, feeling the use of so much power take its toll on her. Lexa drew hers back as well, stepping up beside her. “Listen to me. You cannot tell anyone about this. I trust all of you to understand the importance of keeping this hidden.” The natblidas nodded along with Lexa’s words. “Good. Now, I believe you are late to Titus’s lessons. Tell him if he has a problem to take it up with me.”

The children rushed off, hastily saying their goodbyes to Clarke. Silence fell quickly.

Lexa reached out to grab her hand, not saying anything. Clarke turned to her. “You really want to deal with Titus?”

Lexa laughed at that, a sound that made Clarke smile widely. “Nobody wants to deal with Titus, but if anyone is to do it I might as well be it.”

“You shouldn’t have to be.” Clarke tugged her closer, planting a messy kiss on her cheek. “You’re young. You should live your life, not be weighed down by the needs of the people.”

“And yet that is the life that was chosen for me the moment I was born.” She wiped a drop of black blood off of her face, where a small cut sat on her cheek just beneath her eye. “I was cursed with nightblood. It was my destiny to ascend or die.”

“Has a commander ever retired?”

“Retired? No. They die before they can.” She sighed. “I imagine it would be impossible to retire anyway. If I did somehow manage to grow old, I would be assassinated for being weak. If I tried to retire, I would be assassinated for being weak.”

Clarke hooked their arms together. “Maybe once you get your peace you can work toward fixing that. Fixing your stupid weakness rule.”

“It is not stupid, Klark,” Lexa complained. “It keeps us strong. The weak die, the strong live on.”

“What do you consider weak? Sickness? Injury? Wanting to relax for a single fucking minute?”

“You’re right,” she admitted. “It is flawed in that sense. But we’ll deal with that when we get there.”

Clarke smiled. “I like the sound of that. We.”

Lexa turned to her. “Does that mean you wish to stay here?”

It was something she’d had on her mind for a while now. When she’d have to return. “I wish I could. I hope I can. But I can’t just leave my family and friends behind.”

Lexa’s happy expression dropped a bit. “I understand.”

“Hey, love, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you. I want to. But I have an obligation to my people, just as you do to yours.”

Lexa smiled shyly. “Perhaps we can incorporate Skaikru into our peace. From what you have told me of their capabilities, they would be valuable trade partners, and your fayagons would be a useful long-range weapon of war if one were to come about.”

Clarke grinned and leaned over to press a kiss onto her lips. “I would love that. I’m sure my people would, too.”

Lexa’s smile widened and she surged forward, catching her lips once more.

It would be some time before they returned to the city.

Lexa visited her that night as usual. Her dress was different.

She wasn’t in her usual commander coat and armor, instead dressed in a thin nightgown with a long slit in the leg. Clarke let her in, eyes wandering, but Lexa didn’t care. Almost as if she’d done it on purpose. She probably had.

The first thing Clarke did was pull her down onto her lap, pulling her in for a proper kiss. Lexa grunted, mouth parting slightly, and kissed back, shifting to straddle her hips. Clarke rested a hand on Lexa’s leg, feeling the bare skin that radiated warmth on the cool evening. The other hand slipped into Lexa’s hair, scratching at her scalp. Lexa purred, smiling into the kiss.

Lexa pulled away first, hands resting on either side of Clarke’s neck. “Klark, how can we do this?”

“Hmm?” Clarke hummed, her mind still slightly disoriented from the sudden rush of attraction.

“Our relationship. How can we manage it?” Lexa rested her cheek against Clarke’s temple. “Our people will both despise it, and they already hate each other. Along with the fact that you cannot stay here forever and it will be hard for you to come back.”

Clarke sighed. “I know. This can’t end well, not as it is now. I’ll have to leave soon, and you’ll be alone here again, and I’ll be locked up in Arkadia again. So let’s just enjoy this while it lasts.”

“Enjoy it while it lasts,” Lexa said sadly. “It will have to be enough, won’t it?”

Clarke didn’t respond. She didn’t need to.

Lexa pulled away, their lips meeting ever so gently. With such thoughts at the front of their minds, they remained gentle and light, but it became a mere afterthought within the throngs of their affection.

Lexa wasn’t a very touchy-feely person, but Clarke was completely hands-on. She traced muscles through the gown, slipped a hand to her arm to feel the raised flesh of the tattoo, of which Clarke had never seen. She’d have to ask Lexa about her tattoos later.

Clarke prodded at Lexa’s lower lip with her tongue, skimming over it with her teeth. Lexa obediently parted her lips, allowing Clarke to feel her out. She bit down lightly on her tongue and Clarke dug her nails into Lexa’s arm. She let out a low moan, sinking down into her.

Clarke pulled back, eyes dark with lust. Evaluating Lexa’s behavior, she hoped she was reading this right. Leaning forward, she pressed her lips against her ear. “I want you to sit still like a good girl and take what I give.”

Lexa shivered, a gasp escaping her mouth. She nodded quickly, arms tightening around Clarke’s neck. Clarke kissed her on the lips and snagged her fingers in Lexa’s hair, tilting her head to the side. She began planting kisses up and down her jawline, sucking on her pulse point enough to leave the faintest of marks. It wouldn’t do to ruin the commander’s reputation.

Clarke kissed up and down her neck, nipping and sucking on the soft, delicate skin of her throat. Her free hand went to Lexa’s back, splaying across the bare skin to hold her tight. This was the first time she’d ever been in a relationship even remotely sexual, and she was surprised at how naturally her dominance came through.

Who would’ve thought the commander would be a damn sub.

Someone knocked on the door to Clarke’s room an hour after breakfast.

A handmaiden was standing at the door. “Klark kom Skaikru,” she began, dipping her head. “I come with a message from the commander.”

“What is it?”

“You must collect your things,” she said. “Heda has gifted you this sak to carry anything you wish to take with you. She says you will be departing in a candlemark.”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows. “Did she say where I am going?”

“She gave no hint of the destination or purpose.”

Clarke nodded stiffly. “Thank you.” The handmaiden bowed slightly and turned to leave. Clarke closed the door, leaning her forehead against the thick, rich wood.

She was leaving Polis. Likely being delivered back to her people. Why? She doubted Lexa would make this decision without consulting her first unless there was something else playing into it. Had something happened?

She had no way to get her answers. She grabbed a change of clothes, her drawings, and, as a last minute thought, grabbed Lexa’s other gifts. The watercolors and the keryon books. She hoped she was allowed to take those.

The better part of the hour was spent pacing her room in silence. Her steps weighed heavy on the floor, her face scrunched up in thought as she went over the various scenarios of what could be happening. Did it have to with Skaikru? With Polis? The Kongeda? The questions rang in her mind with no way of answering them.

Another handmaiden came to fetch her, leading her outside of the tower and to a building at the edge of the city. It was a stable, filled with the smells and sounds of horses.

There were a dozen horses outside, all tacked up and ready to depart. All of the riders were warriors except one.

Clarke strode over. “Lexa,” she said quietly. The girl looked up from where she had been securing the horse’s girth. “What is going on?”

“I’ll tell you on the way. We have to arrive as soon as possible.” Lexa handed her the reins to a sturdy chestnut mare and turned to address the entire party. “Mount up.”

Clarke had to hold the stirrup in place with her hands to be able to get her foot in and swing herself over. Luckily, the mare was small, just short enough that she could do it herself, which saved her a bit of dignity. Lexa sat tall on her dark stallion, nodding for Clarke to flank her.

They rode out of Polis, pushing the pace to a slow lope. Lexa fell back to ride beside Clarke. “A messenger just arrived from Onya this morning. The Skaikru have been searching for you, and have begun to extend their search outside of their territory. Patrols on the border have turned them back, but they grow persistent. We fear they will turn to violence if you are not returned to them.”

It wasn’t until then that Clarke understood what she had been doing to them, staying in Polis. She’d known it wouldn’t do to live away from her family and friends, but she hadn’t considered the immediate consequences. They’d assume the worst. Most of them already hated the tribes, and if they thought the Trikru had kidnapped her…

Okay, technically, they had kidnapped her. But no one needed to know that.

The message had been vague, so Lexa couldn’t tell her much more than that. They rode side by side, occasionally picking up small talk but keeping a comfortable silence for the majority of the ride. They stopped every hour or so to rest the horses, slowing to a trot as the sun began to dip closer to the horizon.

They camped for the night by the riverside, the ground flattened by two graunhaka warriors in a way that she recognized had been done by Anya on their journey to Polis. She hadn’t realized how much the grounders depended on their powers to get things done more efficiently. Lexa sparked up an easy flame, adjusting it as needed to cook the deer meat to perfection. The water was purified by one of the wodahakas and the horses were given fresh patches of some of the best foods just grown from the ground.

Clarke discreetly lit up the tips of her fingers, letting the glow dance over her hand. She wondered about what it would mean for her back home.

She and Lexa didn’t have a single moment alone the entire four days it took to travel to TonDC. By the time they arrived, Clarke was aching for her in a way that seemed impossible.

They arrived back at dusk, setting up tents just beside the village walls. Most people gave them warm greetings, but Anya was less than pleased to see Clarke. “It is her fault we are in this situation in the first place,” she argued.

Clarke snorted. Anya scowled at her. “Have something to say, skaigada?”

“I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t forced me into custody.”

They could have gone back and forth for hours. Lexa knew that. She stopped it before it could even begin.

When they returned to their tents, Lexa tapped her wrist lightly and hooked their pinkies together, drawing her towards the commander’s tent.

Lexa sat down on the fur-covered cot and looked at Clarke. Clarke looked back. They both knew what this was.

This was goodbye.

Clarke walked toward her and removed her pauldron, setting it on a table behind her. Lexa stayed silent, hands ghosting over Clarke’s arms as she undid the many buckles of the commander’s coat, laying the heavy fabric on the table as well. She turned back, watching Lexa. Her eyes glistened and Clarke could feel tears pricking at the edges of hers as well. She leaned down, pressing her lips to Lexa’s forehead, hands coming up to cradle her face.

Lexa seemed to choke on her words. “Klark, I-”

“Shhhh,” Clarke mumbled, lips still against Lexa’s face. “No words. Not tonight. Nothing that will remind us of what is to come.”

Lexa wrapped her hands around Clarke’s wrists and squeezed lightly. Clarke sat down beside her and pulled her into a soft kiss, hands gentle and caring. Nothing of the hot passion they’d shared previous nights, and yet it was all the more powerful.

They fell asleep together in Lexa’s bed, shoes still on their feet, hair still braided tightly to the back of their heads, armor still strapped to their chests. When they woke once more come morning, neither moved, only soaking in the closeness of the other. Silently dreading what was to come.

Someone knocked on one of the poles of Lexa’s tent.

Clarke clutched Lexa tighter.

Their goodbyes outside are nothing short of formal protocol.

Lexa keeps her face schooled, chin raised high, though Clarke can see how her lower lip trembles, how her hands shake, how her eyes shine. She imagined she was much the same. Neither said more than was expected and Clarke was thankful. If Lexa had tried to say anything more, she wouldn’t have been able to keep her facade.

She was escorted to the border of Arkadia. Anya was thankful to be rid of her.

She walked alone back to the fallen Ark, feeling her heart close in on itself as the walls came into view. She pushed Lexa to the back of her mind. She knew she’d break down later when she was alone.

Someone called her name and people began to gather at the fences, looking out at her with surprise, relief, awe.

Her mother rushed up to the gates, standing just over the threshold. Raven and Octavia were there as well.

She was happy to see them. She would be, at least.

The flicker of the torchlight against their face only served to remind her of the red flames that spiraled from Lexa’s hands.

#clexaweek2020 #clexaweek2020 day 1 #Day 1 Forbidden Love #Forbidden Love #clexa fanfic #clexa deserved better

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troped-fanfic-challenge · 5 years ago

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CHOPPED: THE 100 FANFIC CHALLENGE!

Round 3: Modernised Canon!

Tropes for Round 3:

Magic AU (Any form of magic you like)

Character says something along the lines of of “You expect me to do X?!” and then it immediately hard cuts to them doing exactly X.

Secret places

Sex Pollen/Love Potion/Etc: One or both characters of your main pairing (or another character) are dosed with a sex pollen (if you'd like to write smut), a love potion (if you don’t want to write smut), or some other form of magic that makes them obsessive over, or extremely devoted to, the other. The obsession or devotion does not have to be a positive, you may also use these to create a negative obsession (a la Jaha and ALIE).

Bonus Optional Trope: Halloween! (To be included in an extra bonus poll, use Halloween in your fic, in any way you like.)

Bonus Poll Question: Best Smut. This is distinct from ‘best use of the sex pollen trope’, which is more about how you use the sex pollen within the story. This poll is simply about the smut itself, the writing, the characterisation during the smutty scenes, etc. Also...this is also the Magic AU round, so feel free to write smut that’s got a little magic involved.

Voting will be based on your use of each individual trope (including the bonus halloween trope), your use of the theme, and your use of all four (or 5) tropes and the theme combined (best overall), as well as the bonus poll above. There will be also be a question in the poll for ‘most unique pairing’, which includes either romantic or platonic pairings.

Theme Rules: For this theme, please choose a storyline from canon (Day trip, Memori meeting and then finding each other later, Clarke and Lexa’s political feud, Bellamy’s time as a double agent in S3, any storyline from anywhere within Seasons 1 through 6) and recreate the plot in a ‘magical’ modern setting. Swap out the canon characters for someone else, change the mood or feeling of a storyline, add things in or take things away, it doesn’t need to be identical, but it should follow a similar base plot line as the canon storyline. (Day trip, for example, would be a begrudging adventure between two characters, one of whom has some ulterior motive, and some kind of relationship development should occur between the two characters. Clarke and Lexa’s feud would be a feud between two characters who are in charge of some important thing (political, gang warfare, volleyball teams, you decide) who have real conflict, but must ally for some reason, who then develop a relationship of some kind, with some incredibly large betrayal by one character, and some major repercussions on the other.). We are looking for the skeleton of the storyline, not an exact replica, be creative with how different characters and a different setting would change the way a storyline played itself out. Please let us know in the note at the top of your fic what storyline you are using, so we can make sure it’s clear, and so we can ensure you followed the theme.

Trope 4 Notes: We are aware that most canon storylines do not include some kind of love potion/obsession brought on by magic/etc., so this is where we ask you to get creative. We’ve come up with a few examples of how you could fit the trope into canon, but you can also go in a different direction and simply add that into the canon storyline as something extra! Remember, bare bones of the canon plotline, not an exact replica!

Some examples we came up with include:

Day Trip: the jobi nuts (obvi)

Becho's first meeting + mt weather plot: bellamy gets all kinds of stuff done to him when they bring him into mt weather, so maybe one of them is a sex pollen or love potion or something

Memori's story: when he finds her again in Polis, she has taken the chip, and is influenced by ALIE , so that could be a love potion instead or something

Clarke and Lexa’s storyline: Lexa could be under the effect of a love potion when she decides to ally with clarke, but she comes too before its time and she betrays her because she thinks it’s just the magic

Get creative with it, and if you aren’t sure, just ask us! We’re here to help!

Word Count Limit:

We would like you to still aim for 10,000 words or less, but if you are nearing the end of your fic and need some wiggle room, we are going to extend it out by 500 words.

Timeline: Round 3

Prompt released: 12:00am October 23

Submissions close at 11:59pm October 31

Voting begins 12:00am November 2

Voting ends 11:59pm November 3

All times are in Eastern Standard Time (EST).

Don’t forget the rules! Include ALL tropes, and follow the theme! You will be disqualified if you don’t! Also, no rape. no incest. no underage. no negativity!

Have fun! A separate post will be made with a link to voting!

The AO3 Anonymous challenge to upload your fic for this round is called “the_100_chopped_challenge_round_3″. please make sure to upload to the correct challenge for this round, and make sure to upload before 11:59 on October 29!

The challenge will be anonymous until the voting has ended, and then we will reveal the fics, so there is no need to repost on your own AO3 account, it will show up as soon as we reveal it. Feel free to reach out to us here, or at @dylanobrienisbatman or @thelittlefanpire with any questions about anything, including plot points or questions about our rules!

#chopped: the 100 fanfic edition #chopped: the 100 fanfic challenge #fanfic challenge #fanfic #the 100 #chopped 2.0 #round 3: modernised canon

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kinetic-elaboration · 5 years ago

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April 25: Thoughts on The 100 2x10

Twenty years later, I return with Ep. 2x10: Survival of the Fittest.

This commentary is NOT pro-Grounder or pro-Lxa.

I last watched in January and I have literally no idea what’s happening lol. I mean, I do because I’ve seen the whole thing enough times but still. Like specifically.

One of Netflix’s warnings for this show is “fear.” I CANNOT.

The idea of Arkers and Grounders perhaps meeting in certain ways pre-canon is interesting (the suicide by earth idea) but then the story just becomes one of yet more Mindless Grounder Brutality and I get bored. Like I’m sorry this is truly the most boring civilization ever imagined and I cannot believe we’ve been asked to care more and more about them with each passing season.

The lost possibilities of Bellamy & Lincoln. Also of Lincoln, in general? Someone who tried so hard to be something other than what he was taught to be.

Also, his story is basically confirmation that he became obsessed with Octavia because he was illegally spying on the cool Sky People and then ran into a Pretty Girl and that was just that on that.

The underworld. They’re not subtle.

Mmm-mmm my favorite set. Indra looking badass as per usual, giving her warriors a pep talk. And Kane with friendship heart eyes like “I’ve found my new BFF!!” (This is truly how I read the expression on his face.)

“Only our Guards are armed here.” Lol okay but does anyone really believe Indra travels with ONLY two knives on her person?

I’m generally a Jaha apologist but I cannot stand him in S2, primarily because his whole thing is based around him caring about “the Grounders’ land” in this realllllly awkward native peoples parallel, as if this was supposed to make him sympathetic when (1) there is literally no evidence at all that the Sky People occupied Grounder land in s1 or are occupying it in s2 and (2) he is advocating abandoning the main characters to death, the main characters are a bunch of teens, and literally no one calls him out on how disgusting that is. The only thing he’s right about is that the Grounders are terrible and Kane’s boner for them is ridiculous, but still.

Is there a Grounder named Michael? Lol.

“My shock baton’s got your back” probably isn’t intended as wildly inappropriate adult man hits on teen girl flirting but........ I dunno how else to read it.

Murphy > Grounder I said what I said.

That woman in the background of the fight with her eyes wide like ‘oh heavens! oh my!’

Kane’s here trying to be like stern dad keeps his kids in line for the sake of peace and Indra and the rest of the Grounders are like... fucking crickets. So ridiculous. So immature. Keep your own bitches in line Indra.

I completely forgot that Mountain had multiple airlocks and thus just, you know, opening the doors wouldn’t do anything. Makes sense, I’m just dumb.

Clarke > All Grounders and seeing her show respect to Lxa or anyone, even if it makes sense in context, just irritates me.

Clarke: *gives several very good reasons why sending large numbers of Grounder warriors into the Mountain will do literally nothing but lead to more casualties.* Grounders: *raaaaa I hate being told no, let’s just attack!!! ATTACK!*

“He shouldn’t have attacked my ship.” Honestly I think part of why S2 Clarke is my favorite is because I really identify with her, surrounded by idiots, just doing her best to get fucking anything done and done right.

“You’re very brave under the Commander’s protection, aren’t you?” DUDE. DUDE. You literally just reminded everyone that this five foot tall blonde teenage girl roasted your brother and several hundred others alive and you think the commander’s protection is why she’s brave? She’s brave because she’s smarter and tougher than you, duh.

And after all this Lxa’s like “Quint’s right.” Um he’s truly not though??? Ugh, the stupidity irritates me.

“Hook up” for “alliance” I am DYING.

Kane is absolutely the worst faux-father figure. Encouraging Octavia to get her ass kicked by idiots who are training for no reason...

And then this bitch (Quint) tries to kill Clarke as if that were even remotely a good idea... what if you were successful? What then? Lxa would torture you for like 100 days and then kill you start thinking things through.

I miss Byrne in that she was annoying but at least had, like, a perspective and purpose, BUT that was a cool death scene. A good sort of shock.

“Work detail” is such an odd phrase, like... one would think....everyone works?? It seems to be code for “mop some floors.”

I’m gonna be honest, the search for the CoL was the clear weak point of S2 for me but Murphy & Jaha are an interesting pair to share screen time.

Murphy: hesitates to accompany Jaha to Wells’s grave until he sees the possibility of getting a firearm of his own, then falls in love. You had me at ‘can hold a gun!’

They really are wasting bullets. Those are...kinda a finite resource? Also you’d think that these literal members of the Guard (based on their jackets) already know how guns work.

Kane really is devoted to this I’m Your Daddy thing, huh? “Look at me, shooting this gun, I’m so cool--don’t you want to be cool like me? I can teach you.” (And O in the back sharpening her sword like she knows what she’s doing.)

I don’t get how Mount Weather could influence Grounder legend given that they’ve known about Grounders for less than a generation, and they tend to destroy anyone they capture, not, like, release them back into their villages? Cool idea though!

Octavia, the secret weapon, exploitable by both sides because she knows both sides, is an interesting path SOMEone at SOME point should have gone down, or should go down, like in fic. Just putting that out there.

See, literally, what did I say? Quint does not even succeed in killing Clarke and he’s sentenced to death in 0.5 seconds. You gotta think ahead man!!

Lol I’ve seen this how many times and only now am I hearing that the word “Pauna” (which I’ve also been mispronouncing) is in fact in the episode. I always thought that was extra-canonical.

Pretty hilarious that Clarke, attempting to run away from the Irradiated Gorilla, leads everyone right to...the home of the Irradiated Gorilla. AKA the National Zoo.

Look the only thing I really have to say about this entire story line is that it’s pretty clearly only here to make sure Clarke, the main character, has something to do in an episode that isn’t really about her, like it’s straight up Filler just like the Bellamy Scales a Cliff episode, and it’s dorky and laughable and awful CGI and I get that--but I still maintain that the concept of “animals from the zoo survived and are still out there in mutated form” is cool and we should do more with that, as a fandom.

Also....moose? How’d that get there??

“Leave me” Lexa says, as if it weren’t incredibly easy for Clarke to save her. Like...why do you give up so easy all the time??? Grounders are weak. The slightest thing happens and it’s either “Time to kill you” or “Time to die.”

Murphy, unimpressed by the beauty of Earth.

Completely forgot that elder Murphy’s name was Alex. Put that one in my back pocket.

This Jaha and Murphy scene at Wells’s grave is the best of a fairly lackluster episode. “Clarke sugar-coated it for you, didn’t she?” “Good can come out of even the darkest acts, John.” “Camp You is that way.”

(Also...when did Clarke get a chance to talk to him? Was this over video in S1? I guess it must have been since she’s been busy in S2.)

When Kane lets Octavia fight the Grounder he is 100% doing it for himself and the alliance. He’s using her.

And somehow this is the ONLY time Octavia lost a fight. I wish the show had acknowledged more, as it does here, that tenacity is a great virtue but it’s not the only virtue. Also the Grounders truly are canonically terrible at what they do.

My favorite O characterization is when she’s just a blank slate for people to write on because she never was able to create a personality for herself. Because I think it’s the most true to her backstory, which seems only intermittently relevant imho. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” “I would like to be stronger,” hence “I shall get beaten up.”

*Sings* Lxa is a terrible leaaaaaader!!! Getting all up in Clarke’s head trying to tell her that caring about not constantly killing people is..............somehow.....................bad??? Lol.

This scene here where Lxa provides the groundwork for the Ai-in-Commanders thing, is probably where the show began its downhill slide. Don’t get me wrong, I love S2 as a whole--most of this nonsense didn’t really come up until S3--and S3 itself has good ideas, including the AI thing, but they were just realized so badly...... Makes me sad. We could have had so much more!

“Don’t be afraid, death is not the end,” is like......the least helpful thing to say. Yet again, Clarke uses her brain and figures out an actual plan, as opposed to “die heroically” which is really all the supposedly genius Lxa ever has. “Die heroically” or “Save own ass at others’ expense I said what I said.

I’m so salty.... I can’t even believe myself.

I enjoy the Indra and Octavia relationship.

So I’m going to say that I always assumed, and still basically assume, that the reason Indra chose Octavia for a second is that she really did think there was something special in her when she saw her fight. Like that’s all. Just like she would with a Grounder kid who wanted to be a warrior. But I think it would be interesting if she’s thinking just as Kane is: that Octavia is a useful bridge between the two peoples, that perhaps, she could get something from her. (Counter spy?)

“No one gives anything without expecting something in return.” Early John Murphy philosophy synthesized.

What the fuck is Jaha eating? Little...food pellets.

It’s true that he’s being cynical but it’s ALSO true that Jaha is withholding important truth from him and ultimately, arguably, using him.

“You didn’t give a damn about us. You still don’t, that’s why you’re not fighting for this kids in Mount Weather.” SOMEONE FINALLY SAID IT. THANK YOU MURPHY. MVP of this ep.

“I was pardoned, slate wiped clean, I’m still treated like dirt.” The treatise of the Ark AU thanks.

More patented Murphy nose rubbing.

Murphy and Raven, both pulled in, to some degree, by cultists.

Murphy and Octavia, both manipulated by more powerful adults for their own ends.

Jaha is so... he has all these peace and love, everyone is accepted, nice ideas and beliefs and faith, but he also does not care at all about sacrificing a few here and there. He may remember Alex Murphy but he doesn’t really care, he’s not really haunted. Remembering is like a courtesy. He may miss his son but he still ultimately believes, even hearing how utterly stupid Wells’s death was, that it was worth it for some unknown greater good. And he’s willing to give up on people who aren’t even dead yet, just write them off as an acceptable loss, even though they’re his people and a subset of his people to whom he owes a particular debt, and still consider this sacrifice, not even yet made, to be worth it for this bigger plan. There are a lot of things I respect about Jaha as a leader, and surely in a universe of terrible leaders he is not the worst, but this is his fatal flaw, what keeps him from being good. Real leaders do accept that losses will happen, as Lxa says, but they don’t seek out losses and they don’t merely catalogue them and then move on. They feel them, and accept responsibility for them, and carry them forward.

No I am not talking about Clarke, although within this universe, she comes closer to the ideal.

The story line with Lincoln, Bellamy, and the Reapers is like nightmare fuel if I think about it too much.

Indra, with the tiniest slice of meat possible on a huge plate: “Eat! Get strong!”

Kane, trying to be sexy and seduce a new friend: “Thank you.”

Kane and Octavia are talking and Indra is just in the background, sitting on a tree stump, brooding in the most photogenic way possible, very ‘google earth, always taking pictures’ of her.

I’m sorry but I can’t stop seeing Kane’s whole demeanor in literally every scene of this episode as like “Attempted Daddy.” Not in the paternal sense.

“You’re asking me to be a spy?” / “I’m asking you.......... yes, to be a spy, that’s exactly it.”

Objectively ridiculous for Octavia to think the Grounders are her people but, I get it, she’s desperate for people of some sort.

“There’s a million ways to die out there” should have been the title of the series. More accurate than “The 100.”

“If it’s not your time than nothing can kill you” IS everything infuriating about Jaha in one line. Saying ‘it’s just what was meant to be’ is a pretty easy way to avoid responsibility for anything, ever, and it’s extra sketchy from someone who, as a leader, knows or should know that his actions have consequences for other people, sometimes life or death ones. I mean...everyone but he and Murphy did die searching for the CoL.

We REALLY need more fic that utilizes Jaha as a weird guru type.

“You wanna stop being treated like a criminal then you have to stop thinking that that’s all you are.”

Here, Clarke comes up with yet another smart idea. How many is that in one episode? She’s too smart, guys, just too smart.

That said, the first time I watched this ep with my mom (the second time in general for me, the first time for her), when Clarke explained her ‘release the Grounder prisoners’ plan, she was like “...Duh? I thought that was already the plan? Isn’t that what Bellamy was going in there to do?” Basically most people on the show < Clarke < my mom.

The tragedy of Lincoln’s addiction story line really does get to me.

I’m a little insulted on Bellamy’s behalf that he was marked Harvest lol.

I just watched the episode and I heard them explain their plan... but I still don’t really see how it was going to work. Like just... cause chaos and let Bellamy run inside? Kind of feel like someone would have caught him at some point, and also--doesn’t that run a significant chance of getting Lincoln killed? Oh well. It all works out eventually. Mostly.

Anyway, not the greatest episode, but it had its moments. The Jaha and Murphy story line was good, and I actually enjoyed the Octavia, Kane, and Indra stuff more than I thought or remembered. But it’s always kind of a bummer when one or both mains get lackluster filler plots--and in this case it really was both--I mean, Bellamy’s was important, but it wasn’t very long. And none of my faves: no Mount Weather, no Jasper and Monty, no Raven.

It still fucks me up that Liz Phair wrote music for this show.

#the year 2020 #2020: fandom thoughts #2020: the 100 s2

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thelegendofclarke · 5 years ago

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starrydilemma replied to your post

Technically, Jo knows from watching memories and from watching real life interactions so it's the same as Diyoza knowing just by observing. Clarke could still be completely oblivious especially because that's what self doubt does

historyofbellarke replied to your post

Why would clarke know it? Josephine knows by his interactions with him and Clarke might just think Josephine is reading something that isnt there.

lol oh man. ok SO i basically figured out while i was writing this reply that this was one of those things where it was like: i totally knew what i meant when i said it but clearly had ZERO PLAN for actually articulating it because i had no idea how to explain what i was trying to say lol. so here is me basically just word vomitting and trying to sound out exactly what i meant by this even though i knew what i meant. also this got really long and rambly and might have diverged from the actual point so just, like, bear with me lol…

i could see the point about Clarke thinking Josephine was just seeing something that wasn’t really there or Jo knowing just by observation. BUT, technically, Jo isn’t really just an third party observer or an objective and unbiased watcher is she? or at least, she’s not an observer in the sense that she’s on the outside looking in. she is distinctly on the inside, literally inside Clarke’s mind. she’s also not watching Clarke’s interaction with Bellamy in real time. she is watching past actions and events, and gaining access to past emotions and feelings, all conveyed from Clarke’s pov. yes, Jo is acting completely based on her interpretation of Bellamy and Clarke’s relationship. but THAT interpretation is still completely based in and on the way that Clarke, and Clarke’s own subconscious and subjective memories, are conveying the information. we always present information with a bias, we are always creating a narrative, even if we aren’t conscious of it. and so everything Jo has been able to determine about Bellamy and Clarke’s relationship has come from the story that Clarke’s memories showed her.

there is this quote i really love by May Sarton: memory is merciless. and i would say that is definitely true for Clarke. we know for a fact from Clarke’s own projections that Clarke’s memories that Clarke does have a lot of self doubt. Clarke doesn’t do herself any favors, she doesn’t cast herself in any kind of overly positive light at all, and there are so many things she’s done that obviously still haunt her. and we know Clarke has some unresolved guilt about Bellamy specifically. we know both from actual!Clarke putting “leaving Bellamy in the fighting pits” as her sin in her lantern, and from mind space!Clarke and her interactions with projection!Bloodreina (“i thought you actually cared about Bellamy.”) also based on that conversation, we also know Clarke clearly has some doubts surrounding her relationship with Bellamy and whether or not he actually forgave her. it would be really easy, i think, for Clarke’s memories to paint a pretty harsh picture of her and Bellamy’s relationship and his opinion on her. but based on Jo’s actions towards Bellamy and the things she’s said to him, i don’t think that’s the case.

Josephine has different strategies for when she simply wants to antagonize people vs. when she wants to manipulate them. and we know Jo has used romantic relationships specifically to manipulate others thus far...

with Abby, her trump card go-to’s were Kane and Jake, men Abby loved. one man she lost, and another man she was terrified of loosing.

she also did it to Clarke: “that’s why you always cry when you think of Lexa.”

additionally, looking back, not only do we know that this particular persuasive technique isn’t necessarily new to her; but also that it’s been used on her and she knows from personal experience that it works. in 6x06 (Memento Mori) Russel asks her “what the hell's the matter with you? have you become so callous to the feeling of others that you don't remember what it's like to lose someone you love?” at this point I think it’s relatively safe to say that he was talking about Gabriel, and that clearly had an effect on her.

if Jo’s goal was to just to get a rise out of Bellamy, there are soooo many other things that she could have brought up...

the estranged sister he couldn’t save.

the dead mother he got locked up.

participating in Pike’s nighttime attack on the Grounder army.

being locked up and tortured in mount weather.

the first and second Mount Weather massacres, both of which he feels somewhat responsible for.

And that would just be naming a few. There are even explicitly romantic relationships she could have used...

Gina- the ex GF whose death he feels responsible for. “too bad you were never that devoted to Gina.”

Ech0-the current gf who tried to kill his sister. hell he thought for a while that she DID kill his sister. the woman who he trusted as an ally who then turned around and stabbed him (well his gf, but still) right in the back. the the traitor who he loves.

now obviously Jo doesn’t have access to Bellamy’s in depth memories the way she does Clarke’s. but she did tell him she knew a lot about him now, just based on being in Clarke’s head, and I think she would definitely know enough to be able to simply antagonize him. but that’s not what’s she’s trying to do, she wants to manipulate him. and hell, there could have been PLENTY of other things she could have brough up specifically for the purpose of manipulating him. plenty of other ways she could have made him emotional and torn his heart strings...

Monty and Harper: is this really what they would want? for you to start ANOTHER war?? is this really doing better??? is this the life they would have wanted for their son?!?

Gina: do you really want to be responsible for the death of another person you love? you want to be responsible for another woman’s painful death?? because if she doesn’t submit to Jo, Clarke’s death will be painful.

Madi: do you really want Madi to have to watch her mother die a prisoner (yes Clarke is more like a metaphorical prisoner, but she’s still a prisoner in her own body) just like you did.

Ech0: don’t you want an opportunity to just settle down with the woman you love? get married, have kids, build a life together. isn’t that what you’ve been fighting for?? aren’t you tired of fighting?!?

but she doesn’t. She clearly sees Clarke as at least one Bellamy’s significant Achilles heels, and she is basing that on information she has taken solely from Clarke. and there is plenty of other evidence that Josephine knows and understands the importance of their relationship: she literally told her father that if Bellamy found out Clarke was dead, he would tear sanctum down and burn it to the ground. she even knew that the sure fire way to get Clarke to give up was to tell her that Bellamy already gave up on her. she knew that Bellamy giving up on her would make Clarke give up on herself. (i would argue that that is one pretty straight up example that, somewhere in her subconscious, Clarke fucking knows how she feels about Bellamy.)

Josephine really isn’t just an outsider looking in, she is an insider watching past actions and events specifically from Clarke’s perspective. she has special access to specific information that paints past events in a certain light. and because of that, i don’t really think you can make the inference that she would, all by herself, be able to get to the point of knowing that the best way to manipulate Bellamy was to use Clarke. and also, Jo is far more calculated than that. no matter how desperate she’s getting to get rid of Clarke, she’s not going to just, like, try throwing everything at the wall and hope something sticks; she doesn’t have time for that. i would even argue that because she’s getting more desperate to get rid of Clarke, Jo is going to try her goddamnedest to find whatever will work best and go with it real hard. she has more and more incentive to get rid of Clarke and, therefore, more and more incentive to figure out a way to manipulate Bellamy into helping her.

i do think it’s a valid argument that Jo is able to get way more information about Clarke’s feelings (as opposed to Bellamy’s) from Clarke’s subconscious and memories, that is relatively obvious. and i also think that Clarke is waaayyy more aware of her feelings for Bellamy than he is of his feelings for her (lord, his excuse to Ech0 about why he was worrying about Clarke while she was dancing with Mr. Hot Doctor Prime was laced with so much denial it was more potent than a pot brownie), OR that she is of his feelings for her for that matter, at this current juncture. but there also has to be something that told Jo that Clarke is just as important to Bellamy as she is to him. so unless Jo got herself some sick shipper goggles, i would argue that implies that somewhere in her subconscious Clarke knows that she and Bellamy’s relationship isn’t an ordinary one. and not just because of the circumstances under which they met, or everything they have been through together either, but because of the feelings they have for each other. not matter how smart, or observant, or sociopathic Jo is, there are things she just couldn’t have pulled out of thin air and come up with all by herself. they didn’t come from nowhere, they came from Clarke.

so, in conclusion…i would say that Clarke been knew.

(**i feel like i have to add the disclaimer that none of this is how i personally feel about Clarke or Bellamy. like, I obviously don’t think Bellamy got his mom killed. this is from a perspective of how Jo would use the information to antagonize or manipulate them.**)

#lol i really have no idea if this makes any sense...#BUT HERE YA GO!#bellarke #the 100 #the 100 spec #the 100 spoilers #t100 spoilers #t100 s6 spoilers #t100 for ts #clarke griffin #bellamy blake #josephine lightbourne #alys watches t100 #historyofbellarke #starrydilemma #alys replies #long post #mere watches t100

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johnmurphysreddit · 5 years ago

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@osleyakomwonkru wrote

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

Bellamy taking Clarkephine on their forest walkabout in S6. And if we want to expand that a bit further, Bellamy’s entire arc with Clarke since the beginning of S5, where he’ll throw everyone else under the bus and even ignore her own wishes to save her from either a perceived or actual threat.

If there *hadn’t* been a six year separation where they each lived very different lives, maybe I could buy it. Maybe. But as it is, especially given that she hasn’t done the same for him? No. The only conceivable explanation - where he’s willing to throw both his blood family and his found family under the bus on a consistent basis for her benefit - is that he’s in love with her. Yet we’re supposed to believe their relationship is platonic, but he does things for her that he won’t do for any other platonic friend - so why is this girl who he’s known personally for mere weeks the one he chooses, especially given he’s repeatedly chosen her over his sister who was the centre of his world for seventeen years, as well as over Spacekru who he lived and formed bonds with for six years? I’m not a Bellarke shipper, but if they’re not supposed to be endgame, I don’t know what the hell they’re doing here. It doesn’t make any sense at all.

And they’re pretty chill and chatty in general and I’m only responding to this part of a long post so I’m breaking this out and using it to let my brain roll. Fair warning: this gets pretty antiBellamy by the end and it’s antibellarke all the way through.

I’ve written often enough about the radio calls causing Clarke to create an idea of Bellamy that didn’t have much to do with the real man. Less often addressed, at least by me, is who Clarke became in Bellamy’s mind. We know he had a hard time leaving Raven behind on the prison ship, that the idea of losing another of his own seemed to terrify him. I then moved forward assuming that much of his response when he saw Clarke was driven by relief that she wasn’t dead and he hadn’t left her to die.

I never really considered that she would have been reframed in his mind, too. Who’s the woman he’s protected the longest who Bellamy couldn’t save, both at the end of four and when reunited in five? Octavia. Big brother had a 15 year habit of control for the sake of protection with her, and while we saw their relationship grow in seasons one through four, that was a few months in his timeline.

In six years in space thinking back on the girl he knew and he probably mostly wasn’t thinking of Skairipa. He was thinking of his idealized baby sister who was safe when she did what she was told (except that one time).

He would have done the same thing with Clarke. Show time for seasons one through four was six to nine months depending on which timeline you read, and she spent the first part of that in a complicated tangle with Finn, three months of that after Mount Weather wandering in the woods and more time in Polis (and eventually the matrix) with Lexa. The Wiki has season four as days 165 - 200, 35 days, and they spend much of it apart.

When Bellamy spends time with her Clarke is most often in a relationship of some sort with a partner who is heavily shaping her choices and who she becomes. He’d see her as a malleable romantic in need of saving by a strong partner. It’s not right, but he doesn’t have a complete view of her even before he spends six years romanticizing the heartbroken girl who saved them all specifically with the help of her dead lover in the matrix and then by choosing to die alone.

Season five is Bellamy trying to get back the dynamic he remembers having with her (by overthrowing governments and killing people together) until he gives up on that and remembers that they were often at odds on the right solution. From then on he treats her like a girl who needs his decision making skills and his protection from the harsh world. Is it a romantic affection or sibling like? Is he trying to use her as a replacement for the needy girl under the floor who had no one other than him or is he working up to dumping his girlfriend for the dependent fantasy woman that exists only in his mind? I don’t know. But it doesn’t have a lot to do with seeing Clarke as she really is or respecting her agency.

#antibellarke #antibellamy #and in conclusion season six bellamy sucks #and even if b/c happens it's not going to last

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dreamerdaria · 5 years ago

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THE 100 my thoughts of 6.07.

Well, me, finally, calmed down and rewatched the whole episode again.

The first thing is that this episode was splendid! I loved it all from first minute to the last once, basically was glued to the screen all the time.

I enjoyed the idea of space minds, because, firstly, it allows to see character deeper and feel their intention, fears and feelings through simple objects of reality, pictures, things. It also gave us a link to ‘Inception’ movie and pointed to Freudian concept of the unconscious. Besides, it also guides us to the Eric Burn theory that each person contains ‘child’, ‘adult’, ‘parent’ personality.

It was smart to use the rain as a metaphor of Clarke swings moods, chest with the code for her secret memory, also show us her dads video and Jasper glasses inside of it.

Her mind is constructed by series of locations. The reason behind is that Clarke really changed through all of her stages in life. Each one has its own meaning for her, as she grew from a young idealistic teenage girl to a grown woman, complicated and contradictory person. She became not only leader to her people, but also a parent figure. We could equate it to the thing of becoming a real mom to a child, who needs care and protection.

Clarke character this episode, her development was really thought through.

Lets try to analyze main locations.

First, we should compare how Clarkes personalities are connected with each stage of action. Second, we ll try to have a general concept of each mind space.

1.Spaceship

This place is where all Clarke memories lies, her story. I guess its just a hard drive to the whole computer, shortly her brain. There she is represented as ‘the princess on the spaceship’ and also as Wanheda, also as The Clarke ‘Madis mother’ ( Read it that way ‘child’, ‘adult’, ‘parent’) . These three parts of her personality show us the two parts of Clark, the peaceful one, rebelious one, guilty one. It’s her three sides, which are struggling to fight each other to prevail in behavior. She still has her child hopes. She still tries to be rigidity and consistency in her solutions. She now is accepting her responsibility, drowning in a blame for her decisions.

The Clarke on the spaceship is the Clarke, who believes that there is so much more than survival and fighting for life. She appears to be the most vulnerable one. Wanheda has the power of being more dark for the purpose of the survival and life. She is the dark side of Clarke who was formed by conditions of her living. Clarke from season 5 and 6 is Clarke who is trying find a peace for herself as a human, suffering inside from two sides of her world.

The lights and the colors in this mind space are truly melancholic and blue. I feel her depression and longing for sadness through this location. Clarke at the moment does not feel right at all, she is feeling down and she is losing hope.

2. The forest

Its totally the most dark place, therefore dark lights and night forest as the symbol of loss and deprivation. Its kinda blurry here too. The ruined throne of Lexa is her pain, which hides under the layers of self-control. There she loses her hope after fake memories of Bellamy. He is still that person, who has that strength and hope for her which she seeks. He is her last pillar of energy to survive and live, as the leader of her people. Because of him shes still trying.

‘You still have hope?”

‘Were still breathing’

But after the fake memories, she doesnt see any benefit to live as someone who can look for her people. Shes already dead, why bother?

3. The fighting pits and the Mountain weather.

Sharp and bright light. The fighting pits is another symbol of her guilt, though Bellamy forgave her, she coudnt do it herself. She didnt win her war with her demons. The BloodRena represent rage, anger for herself, crawled inside Clark. The Maya is the sigh of her moral system confused, her inner guilt for what she thought she would never have done as a child on Spacekru ship.

4. The home

The place where Clark feels most safe, focused and calm. Warm,

light colors and drawings not from her memories, bur from her feelings. The most significant drawings are Ebby, Madi and Bellamy. Its her family now. There she meets Monthy, there she finds her dad alive.

Its her heart in this home.

Her last hope is to live for Madi, as Monty reminds her. To be a mother to a child she raised. I mean, obviously, Madi is the last reason, why Monty as her mind protection appears. Monty was her friend, who truly figured that sometimes good and evil are twisted, and having burden of blood hands doesnt mean ure a bad person, but still means that its the best way to live and find peace.

There she is a ‘parent’.

Anyway, this Clark destination is to forgive herself and to start create something new through the ashes, to find something beside Madi, her people and Bellamy to live for. To heal and become more balanced.

Whats about Josephine?

Her line is connected to Clarke one, as their minds are tangled.

Let me say one thing, she is really hell of sociopath. I do not hate her as a character, but I do see the motivation of her behavior.

The thing is that in Josephine minds her father is the really important figure, affecting her the most through all stages of life. His voice is everywhere, in the library(her voice from childhood memories, calling him. reading letters). Through the door. He is shouting ‘The Sanctum is mine’. This pair could be compared to Odin and Hela relationship. Same spirit there.

Her brain structure is the library, completely rationalized and sorted. She doesnt feel mercy or regret, pity or happiness, pain or pleasure. She doesnt understand human emotions, as she is not able to comprehend them fully. By all sort, she is freaking genius(knows various language, deep in biology and science, gifted for art) but by the cost of her mental disorder. In her memories she adored herself so much that she could stop drawing her first body. She doesnt know what moral is. Its a blurry concept for her.

Her moral is to provide herself the immortality on all costs. She doesnt find it right or wrong to murder, to betray, to tortue. She doesnt care about anything but about herself. Not life of a newborn baby, her friends lover, her father could prevent her from achieving the goal. Its truly frighting and dreadful. She shouldn't be in the lead at all.

Read this to insure yourself that Jo is in fact sociapath https://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html.

And she knows that. Her hidden thing is the awareness on that. She doesnt accept it at all. She is savoring it, not trying to control or to restrict herself. Its caused by the trauma of guy who kills himself , but still not completely.

I also liked the referral to the predator behavior( dialogue of J and R, when they are haunting Clark), as the main concept of Lightbourne views.Besides, they regard science as the God for them, it means the complete refusal to moral question and ethics.

Josephin: I studied all species, insects are almost fascinated me the most,...ruthless. People theyre so messy, theyre too emotional.

Josephin: You, nulls, are more than worthless, you all don have positive value. You are less the useless. U delude the bloodlines...

So on.

From Clarks side theres a lot of talking whats right or what wrong, even with ALLIE. What defines God.

Its not a coincidence that she tells Monty about the God question, overshadowing Lightbournes things. About connection of moral and real life.

‘I dont want to decide for everyone, Just for myself’

Its a good thrust that through her mind projection of Monty she still thinks:

The end does not justify the means

Murder is still murder, whatever it brings after, peace or war.

She doesnt devalues the human life. Thats why Clarke is the best leader from the start. Her moral compass is always there to remind her that leadership should be based on clean hands, true intentions to help and grow, not in dark night, but in the light of a new day.

Clark also says: ‘Theres no joy without pain’.

For me, it sums up all of her personality. Meaning - to have something good, first sacrifice. To earn happiness you should feel the real anguish. But even after the pain, you are capable of finding hope and peace. Thats why she agrees to go with Monty and fight J.

That what differs Clark from Lightbourne.

She is still in a process of defining what decisions shed like to make, what person she should be. She senses and appreciates.

Lightbournes are in stagnation there.

The last few senconds

Bellamy is just the ‘heart’ all over the place. He is back to his natural statue.

That means head and the heart in work, which, I remind you, always the best.

Thanks for reading.

All the love :)

#the 100 #the hundred #bellarke #bellamy blake #the hundred watch #bellamy x clarke #clarke griffin #spacekru #russel lightbourne #theorythe100 #josephine lightborne #primes lightbourne #series #the hundred season 6

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lexa-griffins · 2 years ago

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Hi lovely 💕 I absolutely loved your Valentine's Day headcanon for your seven minutes in heaven clexa 🥰 I loved how simple yet deeply romantic their date night was. I found it so sweet how Lexa created a giant fort for their soft night where they just reiterated how head over heels they are for each other 🥹 I laughed when Clarke brought out the special condoms too and Lexa found them to be absolutely cute. They are so in love with each other 🥹

Like you said, they are still in their honeymoon phase with each other where their relationship is perfect and strong. However, I know you really love adding angst to your stories so may I ask what angst you have planned for our two lovebirds that may pop the bubble? Maybe they have their first fight with each other over something trivial? They make a big deal over it because they're still teenagers and don't know how to properly communicate yet

I think you mentioned in an earlier ask about Lexa getting annoyed that she's not climaxing during sex and feels that sex is now just a chore to get Clarke off. I love this idea where Lexa starts to believe that sex is becoming too one-sided now since Clarke still has trouble lasting long enough. Lexa doesn't want to hurt her girlfriend's feelings and confidence that she's "bad at sex" but after several months together, she was hoping that Clarke would improve but that clearly isn't the case. Lexa doesn't know how to bring this up to Clarke without implying the obvious and ruining what they have.

Do you have any headcanons on how this may play out? I love nerd Clarke and popular Lexa but I want to see them suffer a tiny bit 🤏

Heya 🥰 so glad you enjoyed it! I think if Lexa was to take Clarke out somewhere too public she'd probably get a little overwhelmed and the blanket fort was too adorable to pass on!

The angst /will/ be about that last part! While they do have little petty fights they are both really good at taking a little space between them and apologizing. Most of the time its something so small it takes them no longer than half an hour of silence before they are all over each other and saying sorry for whatever it was they did.

But sex is a very sensitive topic for Clarke, she kind of shuts down and gets really defensive over it. They barely talk about it, which to Lexa can be a little awkward because she is pretty sex positive and would prefer to just be honest about things and work on solving them while Clarke always takes everything a little too personally. And while Lexa loves to have sex with Clarke she does think Clarke got too comfortable with Lexa not minding not cumming during it. And Clarke knows and is good at eating her out and fingering her but Lexa is starting to not enjoy the idea that her orgasm is foreplay for actual sex or that Clarke seems to be kind of rushing her to cum so she can get inside of her. Lexa doesnt have any questions that Clarke loves her but at some point either Lexa says something that might make Clarke feel horrible about herself and her capabilities at sex or the further they go into this relationship the harder it will be for Lexa to say something without sounding like she's getting bored of her.

And admittedly, Lexa should have waited for a better time to bring it up, when they are perhaps dressed and clear minded and not with an annoyed huff right after Clarke cums that she immediately regrets once Clarke looks at her with the biggest puppy dog eyed expression. The volley season is about to start and Lexa is just frustrated with things. So when Clarke asks her whats wrong Lexa sighs and tells her how she wishes sex wasnt so one sided as it is right now... and like she expected, Clarke immediately starts to recoil, grabbing a pillow to hide her crotch and trying to hide herself. And that kind of annoys Lexa. She loves Clarke so much, she's been trying to hard to make her feel beautiful and wonderful and all she's asking is for this one little thing.

But like you said, they are kids and they sometimes dont know how to communicate. And Lexa, in her frustration, says something she really shouldn't... "Costia always made me cum."

Clarke is collecting her clothes and getting dressed trying not to cry while Lexa, usually the one who puts on a brave face, has tears rolling down her eyes and is begging Clarke to understand that shes not saying shes bad at sex or that she wishes she was like Costia, not at all! She loves Clarke and she wouldn't trade her for the world. All Lexa wants is to not feel so taken for granted.

That makes Clarke slow down before grabbing her phone. Has she been taking Lexa for granted? It always felt Lexa knew so much more about relationships and sex that Clarke should be the one given leeway to learn but shit, did Clarke really decide the entire relationship should be focused on her?

She can think when Lexa is looking at her naked and crying, she just wants to go home and be alone. But she doesnt want Lexa to think this is her running away. So she steps closer to her and kisses her forehead. Clarke hates the way Lexa sobs when she does. Fuck, this love shit is hard. "Ill call you tomorrow okay?"

Lexa nods, knowing trying to prevent her from leaving will only result in them actually fighting in a way that will only lead to screaming, "okay. I love you." She sobs again when clarke doesnt say it back.

The next morning instead of feeling ready to face Lexa, Clarke is pissed. Why hadnt Lexa said anything earlier?! Has Lexa only been pretending she likes sex with her? Clarke really was stupid to think she'd ever be able to keep Lexa happy and satisfied for long. So, she goes to Raven, expecting her to agree with her, after all, Raven isnt even the biggest Lexa fan.... she did not expect to get almost yelled at by her and told to get her head out of her ass.

"That girl loves you Clarke, dont be fucking dense. She didnt say you dont know how to use your dick or that you suck at sex, all she asked was for you to think of her as much as she thinks of you!"

The way Murphy nods his head without looking away from his phone only makes Clarke feel more like an asshole.

Clarke catches Lexa just as she's coming back from practice and unlocking her front door. Lexa feels sorry for her the second she sees her, looking like a kicked puppy begging for forgiveness, "can we talk?"

Once in Lexa's room, they both sit on opposite sides of it, Lexa awkwardly on the bed while Clarke turns nervously on the desk chair. They have not been awkward with each other since that day at the party and this feels so uncomfortable for the both of them. Lexa wants to go and hug Clarke and ask her to forget about what she said. She just wants to kiss Clarke and have this behind them because she has never felt as miserable as she felt in the past 16 hours.

"Clarke, im sorry-"

"No, /im/ sorry. I should be the one apologizing. I know you day i do that too much but its warranted here. Ive been so wrapped in my own head wanting to get better at sex and instead of focusing on what i could better to make you feel good ive just been focusing on what made me feel good." Lexa is shocked by how sincere Clarke is. No fake excuses, no defensiveness, just admission of what she did wrong, "i havent been a very good girlfriend i dont think. But if you still want me as one, I promise I'll do better. I dont want to lose you Lexa..." shes crying now, staring at Lexa like if she breaks up with her she'll lose her reason to breathe.

Lexa is on her lap in a flash, leaving kisses all over her face until Clarke cracks a smile, "im sorry i didnt say anything before and chose such a fucking terrible moment to say anything I was mad, and frustrated and-" clarke interrupts her rambling with a kiss and Lexa quickly loses herself on it.

As they pull away Clarke smiles, "you have nothing to apologize for babe"

"Thats usually my line, isnt it?"

"Yeah well, we clearly have to start switching things up around here."

Lexa chuckles and leans in for a kiss before she is suddenly lifted from the chair by Clarke, her kegs immediately coming to wrap around her waist

"Speaking of switching it up," Lexa laughs as she's playfully thrown onto her bed, Clarke climbing on top of her and smashing their faces together for a kiss, hands quickly reaching for the band of Lexa's shorts, "im hungry 😏"

#letter opened #au: 7min in heaven #lovely anon 💕#:D here yah go!!!!#this was fun to put together #i do love a little angst 😌😌😌😌#shout out to Raven and Murphy for being weird but good friends and even better friends-in-law 🤣#wanheda's dagger

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ecfandom · 6 years ago

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I really admire you creativity and ability to come up with so many intriguing and complex story/fic ideas! I wish I had even half the amount of creativity you do tbh, I love writing and coming up with new ideas but alas my half decent ideas for stories are kind of few and far in between. Any tips or advice for how to get the creative juices flowing?

That’s very sweet, thank you! I’m sure your ideas are wonderful! The best advice I can give is the advice I have always received and found to work–consume, consume, consume. Read and watch what you want to be writing as often as you can. I try to read a new romance book (since that is what I mainly write) every 1-2 weeks. The more you take in the genre of your choice, the more the conventions of that genre will become familiar to you. The more they become familiar to you, the easier new ideas will come, because all you will need is a tiny scene or spark that you can then plug into the convention to create a full fleshed out story.

For instance, in romance, you’ve got the following convention that’s pretty standard across the board:

1. Introduce Character A and their world.

2. Inciting incident - this is the thing, the dilemma, that starts the plot

3. Introduce Character B - usually the inciting incident introduces Character B at the same time or shortly after

4. Introduce conflict, where Character A also usually finds themselves out of their element. This often also puts Character A and B either at odds or allies.

5. Begin to resolve the conflict. As you’re doing so, Character A and B are opening up to each other.

6. When things seem like they’re going well, introduce the New Big Hurdle that seems impossible to beat.

7. Struggle to beat New Big Hurdle. Character fails at first.

8.. Character A or B (or both) must face something they’ve been avoiding, some trauma or history, etc., in order to resolve New Big Hurdle

9. Within resolution of New Big Hurdle, you have the consummation of the relationship.

And within all of these elements, you’re sprinkling in minor characters, minor side conflicts, and moments of A and B connecting.

For instance, if you were to plug Polis 433 into this, you’d get:

1. Introduce Character A - We meet Clarke and Clarke’s world. (Ellie, To-Do lists, job at the hospital)

2. Inciting Element - Firefighters show up at Clarke’s house because of her faulty security panel.

3. Introduce Character B - “Hi, I’m Captain Woods” (Lexa, you sly dog)

4. Introduce Conflict - Uh oh, Lexa’s cute, but Clarke SO does not have time for that. She can’t deal with these emotions right now. Clarke is out of her element now that the new sexy firefighter has entered her life. Clarke and Lexa are at odds.

5. Begin to resolve conflict - Clarke and Lexa have been getting to know each other, slowly, and they agree to take some steps forward, be open with each other. (WE’RE HERE IN THE STORY RIGHT NOW)

6. When things are going well, introduce New Big Hurdle - I can’t because that’s a secret. But is this starting to make sense?

Let’s try it with the Hamptons AU:

1. Introduce Clarke. She’s a teacher in a small town.

2. Inciting incident - Clarke learns her estranged father has passed and she is now executor of his estate.

3. Character B - Clarke goes to the Hamptons where she sees Lexa around town and at some gatherings. They meet on the yacht. We’re not sure yet if they’re going to be at odds or be allies.

4. Introduce conflict - Clarke is out of her element in the Hamptons, trying to figure out what to do with her father’s estate. As she and Lexa are getting to know each other, Clarke learns that her father got rich off of embezzling some shady people out of their money, and now those shady people are coming after her to pay off her father’s debts.

5. Start resolving conflict - Lexa decides to step in and help. She starts throwing her weight and money around, making these shady dudes disappear. Now we know they’re allies, and they’ve got feelings for each other. Things are looking up!

6. Big New Hurdle - Wrong. Just when things are looking good, this Evil Villain Big Bad Boss appears. He’s got a debt to collect too, and he is not like the other guys. He’s bigger and badder, and the wrong guy to have pissed off. He’s been watching, and he knows Lexa has feelings for Clarke. So, he kidnaps Clarke for ransom.

7. Character A or B (in this case B) tries to resolve conflict, starts to fail - Big Bad Boss guy ransom calls Lexa, but he’s asking for a sum bigger than Lexa’s liquid assets, and he’s asking for it too soon to allow her to liquify some of her other assets. He says he’ll kill her, and Lexa doesn’t know what to do. Maybe she asks around for help from the other families, but they want no part. Lexa’s going to fail and Clarke’s going to die.

8. Character must face something hard for them - But then, Lexa pulls one last trick out of her sleeve. She call her uncle. A man she stopped talking to a long time ago because of his nefarious connections and his shady business deals that she once was a part of, and it nearly destroyed her. He’s about just as bad as these other guys and she wants no part of him, even if he is one of her two last surviving family members. He’s the worst person in the world, but for this Big Hurdle, he’s the perfect guy. He’s got all the evil connections to save Clarke from the Big Bad Boss guy. Lexa sets aside her pride and ego and enlists his help.

9. Resolution - Clarke is saved, Lexa has faced her past, and the two reunite. They live happily ever after.

Make sense? I was walking through the mall yesterday when I saw a “coming soon” sign for a new bougie, country club-style clothing store, and I thought the promo pictures looked like the Hamptons. With that one image, I was able to plug it into the convention and get a story. The above “plot” took me about 5 minutes to write out because all I had to do was come up with something for each “number.”

So, my best advice is to just get to know the standard format of what you want to write. All genres have them, and for the most part, they’re all the same. With romance, the conflict and resolution happens between the couple. In sci-fi or fantasy, the conflict and resolution may evolve around a scientific mystery or maybe the impending doom of the world (Apocalypse/pre-Apocalypse genre). It’s all just one big, fun puzzle you’re putting together. I hope that helps. Good luck and happy writing!

#writing advice

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expressyourselfanytime · 6 years ago

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Lexa fans, my respects and thanks.

I know I am a day late and I also dont usually post fandom stuff, I just reblog, but I really wanted to share this bit.

(T.W. Lexa's passing related).

Clexa was happening while I was getting through a very rough patch of my life. I was pressured by my parents not to quit my major, which I didnt like, and I was feeling like I was wasting my time. My mother had barely survived a serious pneumonia. I was living alone in a new small apartment(at first I didnt even have electricity for some days) with almost no money at all(cause of my mothers illness) and with my depression and anxiety roaring. I was trying to get away from an abusive romantic relationship/friendship and I had fallen out with almost all of my friends(due to all of the above). I was smoking and drinking very heavily and I couldnt cut it down no matter how much I would want to.

My futile attempts at studying, alcohol(unfortunately), writing and good shows was the only thing keeping me going.

I was looking up to Lexa like my only link in life. She was everything I wanted to become. I saw myself in her very deeply, as I was really closeted and suppressed by my environment in many aspects of my life. I was fighting a war as well, against myself, my family and the world around me.

She aspired me to stay positive, to keep trying, to have faith. Alongside Clarke, they both encouraged me to keep my head high, to keep pushing, to not lose hope and that there is always a way to make it through the darkness.

Then Lexa died.

I had no idea before I reached the moment cause I was naive back then and I wouldnt want spoilers, I would want to enjoy the episode brand new. So I had no warning. I had no clue.

I was destroyed.

Of course I wouldnt comprehend it, I would be crying for days, I would struggle a lot to find a way to get through everything without the strong mental link I had created in my mind to keep me going.

I got better, fortunately.

But I truly, deeply, want to thank every single artist, writer, everyone out there for contributing to this community. Personally, I chose to keep Lexa alive.

I kept reading about her, I kept finding her essence, everything she stood for in my mind in the countless works about her and Clarke. I kept her alive inside me and that was what got me through.

She still is the embodiment of the person who keeps hoping and trying and working hard inspite what she was taught and how much she has struggled. She still is alive for me, through the stories, my memories, the legacy and the community she left behind.

And that is all thanks to you. To every single member of this community. Even the small likes, the subtle comments, everything, have brought us all where we are today.

Lexa lives, a small piece of her inside all of us.

P.S. for anyone worrying about my story, I am in a good place now. I left my studies, I am majoring in a subject I love, I live in a a different city which I also love, my mother is fine, we had a falling out but we are working through it. I succesfully quit smoking two years ago, I overcame the heavy drinking and now I drink very little and in social situations. I work and try to support my family as much as I can, I am openly gay, changed my appearance as I like it and I am very proud of myself, I overcame my depression and my anxiety is much better, I surrounded myself with people who truly appreciate and respect me and I give them back as much love and respect I can, and Im working very hard to become very good at my field because I love it greatly.

Great wishes to you all, and keep your head high as your Heda would want you to!

#lexa #commander lexa #commander leksa #heda leksa #leksa kom trikru #heda lexa #clexa #clarke x lexa #lexa kom trikru #byg #3x07 #lexa woods #lexa deserved better #clexa deserved better #may we meet again

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travllingbunny · 6 years ago

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The 100 rewatch: episodes 3x03-3x05

I’ve finished the rewatch of season 3, but being way behind with these rewatch posts due to being too busy with actual work, I’ve decided to cover the rest of season 3 with big posts covering multiple episodes, rather than a post for each individual episode. My initial idea was to cover 3x03-3x10 in one post – and would be convenient because a lot of the storylines and issues discussed spill over from one episode to another, and I thought it would also be fitting to cover the worst part of the season in one post (and it says a lot that the “worst part of the season” is half of it). But it got too long, so I decided to split them into two posts.

Not that all these episodes are bad, some are pretty good, some are average, some are on the bad side, but while all of them have at least something worthwhile in them, none of them is free of at least some of the BS – a bunch of plot holes, inconsistent storytelling where it seems like the show can’t decide what it’s trying to do with certain storylines, the tone deaf way the show handled such things as racial or LGBT issues…

I’ve tried to go into the rewatch with an open mind and try to watch the show in the Watsonian way, as much as possible, and try to purge my mind of the bad but popular fandom takes, behind the scenes stuff , fandom crap that has been going on to this day and that I know was even worse at the time… but it’s hard to stop going Doylist and wondering “what were they trying to do with this?”, “are we supposed to like/approve of this? Or should I stop asking these questions, because It doesn’t matter”, “to what extent is show itself to blame for the bad fandom interpretations and how much did they create the mess that the fandom turned into with their terrible handling of so many issues?”, :who thought this storyline was a good idea? Did the writers really never hear about the Bury Your Gays trope?”.. “is this storyline really , really racist, or was it just written by a bunch of people who never spent 5 minutes in any fandom and were not thinking about how this is going to be received and that it’s going to encourage racism in the fandom?” “Did people making this scene/storyline realize that this is rape, or not, and what the heck were they trying to do here?” and so on.

I’ll do my best to not rant much about any of these things, just so it wouldn’t overshadow everything else. And sometimes I’m genuinely not sure if, say, the interpretations that drive me nuts – like trying to demonize the show’s protagonists, people from Ark, as “colonizers” (which is so stupid that I can almost feel a few of my brain cells exploding every time I type it) – are just fan things? It’s really hard to figure it out sometimes, because season 3 feels so schizophrenic, like there are two or three completely different stories being told and clashing. There’s a really good story somewhere out there, maybe, and all of this could have been good if done better… And there were some things I appreciated the first time and some I liked better on rewatch. Even putting aside the problematic stuff, there are plenty of plot points that just plain don’t make any sense.

I wanted to get all of that out first, so I don’t have to go too much into it in the episode reviews.

Spoilers up to the end of season 5 and maybe the season 6 trailer. I have seen the leaked first two episodes of season 6, but will not be spoiling anything from these episodes.

3x03 Ye Who Enter Here

“Abandon all hope, ye who enter here…” The 100 really loves its references to Dante’s Inferno!

This episode is one of those I find really hard to rate. It has really beautiful cinematography and music, it’s very intense and has complex relationships, drama and twists, and I liked it much better the first time I watched it. But it seems much worse in the context of the entire show, now that I know where some of these storylines go, what happens in the rest of the season and the show, which makes me think “if the writers knew they were going to do that thing later, why did they do this?” Is this the problem with this episode, future episodes, or both?

One of the things that confuse me in the “what were they trying to do with this” is the way the relationship between Clarke and Lexa is portrayed. Their dynamic here is very dark, complicated and interesting. But knowing that they are going to have a romantic relationship in just 5 episodes, which is regarded as the show’s great romance by many, and that the cast and crew have done a lot to promote it that way – why would you write that dynamic this way? The characters have chemistry and a bond, but after the betrayal in 2x15 and the way it triggered events that emotionally damaged Clarke so much, I was wondering how the show was going to make a romance in season 3 convincing (since I had always been spoiled on CL and Lexa’s death). In general, however, it would have been possible to do a really good storyline about making amends and forgiveness, which I would have loved. But did it have to happen by one character having the other kidnapped (even if you may argue that Lexa, the character, didn’t have other options at that point, it’s a writing choice to play the Abduction as Romance trope straight – since this dynamic doesn’t get overturned at any point, Clarke eventually agrees to do what Lexa wants her to do and things progress from there), keeping her imprisoned for a week while she refuses to see her, and then, instead of apologizing for her betrayal, giving a speech about how she must forgive her because she’s also done bad things? I found all of Lexa’s lines in that scene infuriating, especially when she brought up what Clarke did in Mount Weather to try to argue that Clarke would have done the same and that there was nothing wrong with her decision. People, this is not how you should try to get someone’s forgiveness.

On the plus side, Clarke isn’t taking any of that BS and cuts it all down, pointing out such facts as that Clarke was left with no choice and it was exactly because of Lexa’s decision. But seeing how Clarke’s thinking changed over the course of the show, I can’t help but think that Clarke started believing on some level that she really was a bad guy due to Mount Weather, and that everyone else was also just doing things “ for their people” (which a bunch of people keep telling her this season to justify their own crappy actions by throwing MW in her face), so if everyone was a bad guy, morality didn’t matter anymore.

Roan, who’s unhappy with Lexa for not lifting his banishment yet, tries to use Clarke’s anger and pain to make her kill Lexa, giving her a knife and telling her to take her revenge. Clarke realizes that he is trying to use her for his political ends, since his mother, Queen Nia, is Lexa’s rival, and observes that Nia is, as far as she’s heard, even worse than Lexa. Roan claims it’s just because she’s been getting Lexa’s biased POV. Except in this case, it’s true, Nia is worse, as she’ll show in this episode.

Clarke actually decides to try to kill Lexa (which is a really desperate move – she must have realized that she’d be dead soon, too, if she killed the Commander, but it shows in what bad state she was), before realizing that she can’t go through with it. Lexa, on her part, wasn’t trying to defend herself – which she could have easily done, as Clarke didn’t exactly make a smart play to kill her from the ambush, it was more about Clarke’s anger and Lexa waiting to see if Clarke would really try to do that. She was probably more concerned about Clarke wanting to do it than worried about her succeeding. And in that moment, Lexa does finally say she’s sorry – that she never wanted to damage Clarke like that. It’s, however, not a full apology, because she doesn’t say she’s sorry for what she did, just that she didn’t intend that consequence. And this is the last time they’ll discuss their history – they’ll never talk about Mount Weather or Tondc during Lexa’s life. Clarke will get a real apology from Lexa for betraying her at MW only years after her death, from Flame!Lexa through Madi, in 5x12. We find out in that episode that she really did regret her decision – it was the biggest regret in her life. So why can’t she tell Clarke that now? I think it’s because she feels the need to constantly be in control, and she doesn’t allow herself to question her decisions. Nevertheless, Lexa’s semi-apology and the sadness she shows instead of her earlier smugness seems to get to Clarke and makes her cry.

And when she finally allows Clarke to go home, Clarke agrees to go along with Lexa’s suggestion to bow to her publicly and help her make the Sky people her 13th clan. As Clarke later explains to her mother, when she meets with her and Kane in Polis, she believes that to be the best way to save the Arkers – or the only way: either we become the 13th clan, or we get killed. (Join or die. Sounds very similar to what they know to be the fate of the 13th station before the other 12 joined to form the Ark.) Bleak view, but probably close to the truth – and it shows Clarke starting t get back to her old self a bit and think rationally about how to solve political problems.

A bit before that, there was the infamous scene of Lexa pushing the Azgeda ambassador from the tower, in front of other ambassadors, after he challenged her authority. I now notice that she did it immediately after he called her weak, so I think she did it as a demonstration of strength, to convince others that she isn’t to be messed with. For Grounder leaders, especially the Commanders, nothing seems more important than the appearance of strength – because if your rivals start thinking you’re weak, you may lose your position and your life. Everything is calculated to demonstrate power and authority – the outfits, the war paint, the throne, the speeches… There’s a certain duality about Lexa, as if she’s two people – there are times in private she seems vulnerable and warm, which may be closer to what she would be like if she were not a Commander (and she seems to be more like that when she’s in the Flame – as in season 3 finale or when she ‘talks’ to Clarke through Madi in S5), but whenever she feels the need to be the Commander, she goes back to the cold, ruthless, authoritarian persona. She wants to make amends to Clarke and get back her trust/win her love, but she is only able to do that on her own terms.

And here we first meet Titus, her Flamekeeper/mentor, and getting to know him and see their relationship explains a lot about who shaped her most with his teachings. The relationship between Commanders and Flamekeepers is quite interesting, but I have more to say about that in relation to future episodes. Titus already shows he’s worried and unhappy about Clarke’s potential influence on Lexa.

Later that night, when Clarke does publicly bow in her Grounder-style Wanheda costume, and Kane gets branded as the representative of the Sky people, Clarke tells Abby that she needs to stay to make sure Lexa keeps her promise to protect the Arkers. This creates or continues a very lopsided power dynamic, where Clarke agrees to stay in Polis, far away from her people, surrounded by people who are wary of her, where she has no friends except Lexa, devotes her energies on trying to convince Lexa to do or not do things, and depends on Lexa to help decide the fate of her people.

So, people seem to disagree on what the main or all of Clarke’s motives were for staying in Polis, instead of coming back to Arkadia, after you-know-what hit the fan and Mount Weather blew up. I would point to what Clarke herself said, having to make sure Lexa keeps her promise, since Clarke was aware she was the only one of the Sky people with that kind of clout with Lexa. Some people argue that Clarke also just wanted to hang out with Lexa in Polis because she was into her, or even already in love with her. Now, Clarke had, no doubt, some complicated feelings for Lexa, but IMO, it’s very hard to make a case for her being in love with her, in the usual sense of that word, at this point, seeing how she didn’t trust Lexa yet, told her she had no honor, was seriously considering murdering her at one point, told her “if you betray me again..”, and generally didn’t look happy with her. Besides, it’s been demonstrated before (especially with Finn’s death) that Clarke doesn’t make huge political decisions just based on who she has romantic feelings for. But I do think, after seeing the following episodes, that there was another reason Clarke stayed – because just political reasons don’t explain her reluctance to go back to Arkadia, and neither do feelings for Lexa, since, at this point, she should have been still been able to go back to Arkadia to talk to her people, explain things to them, do something for better communication between Polis and Arkadia, and then she could go back to Polis to stay there for more time. And the first time she does go back to Arkadia, in 3x05, she was unsure how she even felt about it and if she still considered it home, after how much she had changed. I think, she was still running away, just like she did in the season 2 finale, because she still wasn’t able to face the past and look them into the eye, those people that she did so much for, committing a couple of mass murders to save them. It was convenient to stay away while doing something to help them. Which also explains her inability to talk to Bellamy and tell him anything other than “I’m sorry” when he asked her to come back.

And that’s a problem in itself: Clarke thinking that she can act as a representative of Arkadia, and make decisions about their future, in spite of the fact that she hasn’t been there for months or spoken to anyone other than Kane and Abby. Kane and Abby’s authority to make these decisions is also pretty questionable, seeing that 1) neither of them is an elected Chancellor (Kane admits that, noting that he and Abby have been handing the Chancellor title to each other back and forth, which they also do here – basically it’s You’re awesome and should be our leader! No, it should be you, you’re awesomer!), 2) they haven’t consulted with anyone, 3) as we see in the following episode, they did a terrible job of explaining this decision to anyone back home.

According to what Kane tells Abby at one point, they were also supposed to negotiate a bunch of issues, such as trade routes, Lincoln’s kill order, Clarke’s return… Clarke decides to stay, we later learn that Lexa had revoked Lincoln’s kill order, but it seems that nothing else has been resolved before the meeting got interrupted, or at least we never learn about it – things like trade routes that would allow Arkadia to be self-sustaining. If Kane had gotten some concessions, he could have done a better job of convincing people that joining the Coalition was a good move.

After the ceremony, Lexa surprises Clarke by bowing to her in private and taking a vow to treat her people as hers and do what’s best for them. The scene looks very romantic – this is generally the case with the Polis setting, with candles and all, and you can see it as a kind of deliberately invoking betrothals or marriage proposals. But it happens only after Clarke had already publicly bowed to Lexa as the Commander, in the name of her people. And since Lexa’s vow takes place in private, it means nothing to anyone other than her and Clarke – especially since no one else even knows about it (and won’t know, since Clarke is not even going back to Arkadia to try to persuade people about this course of action).. A public vow might have done something to convince the people in Arkadia, but it never happened, whether it was because Lexa didn’t want risk looking “weak” in the eyes of other Grounder leaders, or for whatever other reason.

Meanwhile in Arkadia, we see the last harmonious and happy scene between the Blake siblings, just before a character from season 2 returns… oh look, it’s Echo! Whose name we only now learn. She pretends to be helpful, warning Bellamy about a plot by the Ice Nation to attack the summit in Polis, and she tells him exactly what he wanted to hear – that some Grounders, including her, felt bad about the betrayal at Mount Weather – to manipulate him into helping the actual Ice Nation scheme to blow up Mount Weather, with a bunch of Arkers who had just moved in there. But that’s the twist that comes later. First, Bellamy convinces Pike to trust Echo, based on his history with her – that they saved each other’s lives in MW, and they go to Polis to save everyone, only to learn that they were duped and that a bunch of people just died because of it. Raven and Sinclair are the only ones who survived, while Gina was killed by the Ice Nation assassin while trying to stop him.

Gina’s death was something that already pissed me off the first time I watched this. Not because I was attached to her – that was impossible, since she was so underdeveloped that she was barely a character. But that’s exactly why – they introduced this female character that was completely underdeveloped and gave Bellamy Time Jump off-screen Girlfriend (No 1), just to fridge her in episode 3. Was this even necessary? Bellamy would have still felt terrible that his mistake got so many people killed, people he felt responsible for. And while I’m sure he cared about Gina, the show didn’t even try to pretend that he was super in love with her: here he didn’t even ask about her when he heard that MW blew up, or seem to register the fact that she was dead, instead focusing on asking Clarke to come back. (Raven!ALIE also commented on that in 3x11 saying “Too bad you were never that devoted to Gina”.) At least – and that was a big relief in the next episodes – they didn’t try to make it look like the cliché “They killed my girlfriend, so I want reveeeenge!” It was more that Bellamy felt guilty and concerned about making the same mistake again, which made him reluctant to trust Grounders again.

And this is one of these times when I have to wonder “why did the writers decide to do this?” Did they already know they would put Bellamy in a relationship with Echo a couple of seasons later? Did they actually plan to do it since season 2? Or did they just decide “Oh yeah, this would be a great idea” at some point? In any case, I’m scratching my head. I know that The 100 writers love to build relationships from messed up and antagonistic beginnings, and they love the Enemies to Lovers trope, but this is not how you do that. That’s about people from different sides learning to see each other’s point of view, not about two people from different sides meeting and apparently finding understanding, just for one of them to horribly betray the other, use his trust to kill his girlfriend and a bunch of other innocent people, trigger the worst part of his life, try to kill his family and friends and finally become Time Jump Off-screen Girlfriend No 2. It almost seems like the writers think that betrayal, murder of loved ones etc. is not something to overcome, but a good or decent enough set-up for a romance in itself, because the forgiveness/redemption part and actual development of the relationship may happen completely off-screen. Now B/E may be a relationship that the writers don’t care much about and never really give much narrative weight to (just as they never did to Bellamy/Gina – but that was never going to be so grating to the viewers as those two did not have that kind of bad history), and that they clearly don’t intend for viewers to get all that invested in, but it’s still a part of the story, so why so badly written?

The ending is the big villain reveal – Echo reports to her master, Queen Nia, who’s pretty much your classic Evil Queen figure, and they are revealed to be working with no other but Emerson – which makes sense, because who else would have had the codes to blow up Mount Weather? We don’t find out how that alliance started – whether he approached them, or they caught him and he proposed them a deal – but for Emerson, it may be about revenge, since he thinks for some reason he has a right to it. But it’s really interesting that we see that the Ice Nation leaders, and “just following orders” Echo, who was literally kept in a cage in Mount Weather and got super close to getting strung up, drained and killed, have no problem working with the one of the guiltiest Mountain Man, or all people, a guy who participated and orchestrated in all sorts of crimes against Grounders. I guess the “Blood must have blood” motto falls by the wayside in favor of political expediency. It’s pretty funny that such a big deal was made out of the Grounders supposedly having a problem with Arkers moving into Mount Weather because of their bad history with the place, and the Ice Nation ambassador even smugly said “You shouldn’t have moved into MW” at the summit… well, yes, they shouldn’t have – but not because Ice Nation leaders gave a damn about their history with the Mountain Men, but because they probably didn’t want Arkers to get too powerful, and they also knew how to blow up Mount Weather! And we find out that it’s all a part of a scheme to wrestle power from Lexa and assassinate her. Which goes nowhere since Nia dies in the next episode. But let’s just note that this mass murder, which was about blowing up a bunch of innocent civilians, wasn’t committed because anyone didn’t have a choice nor because anyone believed they needed to do it to protect their people. It was all about getting more power. Something to keep in mind when people try to make comparisons between various characters’ actions.

Timeline: The episode starts a week after 3x02. As most episodes, it seems to last about a day.

Body count:

Ice Nation ambassador, thrown from the tower by Lexa

Two guards in Arkadia, presumably killed by the Ice Nation

Two guards on the way to Polis, shot by Bellamy

the Ice Nation assassin, killed by Raven to save Sinclair

49 Arkers killed by the Ice Nation assassin at Queen Nia’s orders, including Gina, who was directly killed by the assassin, and 48 more, including 35 from the Farm Station , who died in the explosion. (That means that only about 30 people from the Farm Station are still alive, out of the 180-190 who landed on Earth.)

Rating: 6.5/10

3x04 Watch the Thrones

I’ve always considered this one of the worst, possibly the worst episode of the entire show (it just narrowly avoided that in this rewatch – I’ve rated it as second worst) and this is where season 3 really starts going wrong. This is mostly due to just how bad the Polis storyline is. I roll my eyes and feel embarrassed watching it, so I’ll just sum it up in a few bullet points:

This is so why I watch TV for, half an episode full of trash 1980s fantasy aesthetics and people with fake tans and pseudo-medieval garb, and Game of Thrones-type Strong Female Characters. *sigh*The show’s obsession with pretty white girls waving swords around and fighting as the ultimate expression of female empowerment became really blatant around season 3.

Nia and Ontari (who is first introduced here) are completely one-dimensional and uninteresting villains. Their motives, as we know it, are just that Nia really loves power, and Ontari loves power and is crazy. At least Nia dies and the show gets to focus on her more interesting son Roan, but Ontari is going to get worse.

This plot is centered around a fight between Lexa and Roan, which is supposed to be great, but it’s actually terribly choreographed and hard to take seriously. They’re both spinning around for no reason and waving their spears around for show, as I it’s all just for entertainment – and at no point does it remotely look like a death match.

Lexa was way more interesting in season 2, as a morally ambiguous leader/politician that we almost never saw physically fighting, before the show started celebrating her as the greatest most badass fighter. Having a character win a fight and giving them cool superhero beauty shots during/right after the fight is generally a cheap way to try to make the audience like/root for/adore a character. (It also here works in-universe, since Clarke first starts giving Lexa heart eyes while watching her fight Roan and kill Nia.)

The shift in Clarke’s and Lexa’s relationship is too sudden and early to feel convincing. It’s been a day since Clarke was calling Lexa someone without honor and seriously considering killing her for revenge, and now they’re already super friendly since the start of the episode, and Clarke has apparently fully forgiven her by the end of the episode. Even though all that Lexa has done so far is get Clarke to agree to her plan to make Skaikru the 13th clan, and kill Queen Nia – which works for the benefit of Clarke’s political goals (since Nia engineered a terrorist attack and killed a lot of Arkers and is generally likes killing Arkers), but was also Lexa getting rid of her political rival and solving her own problem.

In her conversation with Clarke after the fight, Lexa explains the actions of Ice Nation saying they were just doing what was good for their people, and Clarke doesn’t disagree. This is the beginning of show’s tendency to equalize every action through this kind of moral relativism BS (they repeat the “doing for their people” thing ad nauseam throughout season 3, and it continues later), as if, say, defending yourself and your people from being horrifically killed is the same thing as blowing up a bunch of civilians as a part of a scheme to get more power. Now, it’s good to have moral complexity, like trying to understand every

However, the other half of the episode, which takes part in Arkadia and starts the Chancellor Pike storyline, is way more interesting and complex. Unfortunately, the Polis storyline also manages to make this storyline much worse. Like I said, season 3 often feels like it’s contradicting and clashing itself, and here there are two conflicting stories one that’s very complex and morally grey and interesting and pretty good – and then there’s another, which is pretty bad (and full of unintentionally racist and anti-democracy messages) that the fandom read into it, where Sky people are the bad guys, Pike is the evilest villain ever with no redeeming qualities, Bellamy is a villain or a misguided stupid guy, Lexa is the hero of the story who could single-handedly save everyone and install peace, and Clarke is her love interest/sidekick. But while the show seems to have been telling the former story, the way it framed some things was playing into the latter one and giving it life: since the Polis storyline frames Lexa killing Nia as something we should cheer for as the solution to every problem (and Clarke’s responses are giving us clues how we’re to react), we’re immediately alerted that Pike is bad news and a fly in the ointment.

But as far as can see, everyone in this episode makes some really terrible decisions, which all make sense to them from their specific worldview and/or emotional state at the time:

Lexa decides to send an army to protect Arkadia. And I’m watching the scene and going: shouldn’t you first talk to the people of Arkadia/their representatives about that, or at least inform them well beforehand? (Or maybe she did but Kane was terrible at doing his job.) With the history you have with these people, you really shouldn’t be surprised if they don’t trust you. And no, Clarke does not count as their representative. But maybe Lexa thinks about it the way Grounders seem to – if the leader, official or symbolic (Kane or Clarke) decide something, everyone else will follow? Not realizing that this isn’t how ti works.

It’s harder to understand why Clarke doesn’t seem to understand that. It’s like she’s entered a bubble where she really thinks that all problems can be solved by her and Lexa as the ‘leaders’ of their people, or she thinks Kane and Abby can solve anything back home. Much as I love Clarke, she should have realized she couldn’t play that role, since she hadn’t been to Arkadia even once in 3 and a half months and has no idea what’s going on there. If this were full capacity Clarke, she’d have negotiated the heck out of this alliance, gotten some really good concessions for Sky people, then gone back to Arkadia and given speeches and convinced people why it’s a good idea to join simply by listing the benefits and explaining how bad it would be for people to stay out of the alliance.

Pike is someone spent almost four months in the woods as a leader of a group of guerrilla fighters, after the Ice Nation kill about 2/3 of people from the Farm Station, so he thinks that he thinks Arkers are under constant threat from the Grounders and that taking up weapons and killing everyone that seems like a threat is the only way to defend his people. He doesn’t think about the fact that this kind of policy is not likely to lead to anything but constant war and destruction and loss of life, but he is convinced that his is the only approach that is realistic, that war has been going on from the start and will never stop, so it’s “kill or be killed”. I’ve seen people accuse him of “manipulating” Bellamy and using Bellamy’s emotional state after his losses – but what does that mean? Pike also lost a lot, he had opted to trust Echo’s intel because Bellamy argued she was trustworthy, and 36 more of his people from the Farm Station were killed as a result. You can say a lot about him, but not that he doesn’t honestly believe in what he’s saying –, he’s a very “what you see is what you get” kind of guy, who’s motivated by the desire to protect his people, but his inflexibility, inability to see another POV or question himself will lead him to very dark places. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

(I don’t know why most of the fandom treats this character as if he was a one-dimensional villain like Nia or Ontari, when he’s actually one of the antagonists who are very morally grey. I certainly don’t know why people say that the show supposedly didn’t explain his motives, or even Bellamy’s motives, when both are really easy to understand, and they’re actually spelled out several times throughout the season, starting with this episode. I’ve seen many fans say that his flashbacks from 3x13 should have happened much earlier, to make him a more sympathetic early on before making him an antagonist. Now this may be a good point, because people react much differently to things that are shown rather than told, and the fact we get told the backstory of the Farm Station people but don’t see it on screen is certainly a factor, though I think it’s mostly because everything happens so fast and we’ve already been signaled who and what we’re supposed to be rooting for, with how the Polis story was framed. I certainly can’t accuse the show of trying to make him one-dimensional- and if anything, the show went a bit overboard with the whole ‘everyone thinks they’re doing the right thing for their people” theme.

Kane is at the other end of the spectrum from Pike with his earnest desire to make peace and build bridges with other groups of people. But in some ways, the reality he lives in in his head seems as skewed as Pike’s. Now, I do really like Kane, he’s in my top 10 characters, but he’s always had a naïve, moralizing streak – he says things that are perfectly reasonable (why can’t we hold a trial for Finn and the Grounders recognize the ruling? Why can’t the Mountain Men let us donate bone marrow? Why can’t be all live in peace?), but he doesn’t seem to understand that he’s in a post-apocalyptic world, surrounded by people who distrust and hate each other, not among a bunch of diplomats or college kids from before apocalypse , chatting over multiculturalism. His main problem is – he really can’t read his audience, and he’s terrible at selling his point of view to the masses, because he doesn’t even understand their issues. Hey. Kane, how about explaining to people why it’s good for them to become the 13th clan and accept the authority of the Commander who had, up to that point, been at best a dubious and occasionally treacherous ally to them, or why they should trust her army to protect them rather than attack them? People in Arkadia don’t have the benefit of watching the show and seeing the superhero shots or knowing that the Commander is positioned as the main character’s new love interest, so we should trust her promises… and they also haven’t seen any promises, as none of them were public. How about asking for some public assurances and vows, instead of just getting a brand? Unlike the Grounders, the Arkers do know pre-apocalypse history, and people getting branded doesn’t have nice associations. (No surprise at all that Pike destroyed him in the public opinion there.) How about not telling people that they’re just “collateral damage” in the war between Ice Nation and Trikru, because that’s terrible and only likely to get people angry and scared. How about announcing beforehand the fact that a Grounder army is going to come to camp right outside Arkadia, to protect them from potential further attacks by the Ice Nation? Instead, someone saw an army outside when they were already there and everyone freaked out, because OF COURSE PEOPLE WOULD FREAK OUT THAT THERE’S SUDDENLY AN ARMY RIGHT OUTSIDE THEIR DOOR! Armies feel like a threat, even if they are supposed to have a peacemaking or protective mission – especially since they could get other orders any moment, as far as anyone knows. And finally, just how dumb is it to hold an election right after a huge terrorist attack/mass murder, while everyone is reeling from the tragedy?

Abby is not even a political entity this season, she pretty much just agrees with Kane and doesn’t do anything political. To be fair, she soon gets to be involved in a different storyline – the City of Light.

Bellamy’s arc in season 3 proved, on my first watch, to be a nice surprise, since I had been warned that he supposedly undergoes “character assassination”, which I didn’t find to be the case at all. I had also been scared, after seeing 3x03, that the show was going to do that cliché fridging story where he finds out his girlfriend is dead and then he’s all about revenge (ugh), so I was really relieved it wasn’t portrayed like that. It’s about Bellamy feeling guilty because a lot of innocent people he felt responsible for (including Gina) died because of his mistake - which was to trust Echo, a Grounder he believed he could trust because they had saved each other's lives. So, he stopped trusting the part of himself that was ready to trust and expect good from people, Grounders specifically, after two betrayals that really stung, and started believing that war and “kill before they kill you” was the right way to go, and that this was the best way to protect his people.

Like Clarke, Bellamy had already been damaged by what they did in Mount Weather in the season 2 finale, even though he didn’t show it as obviously as she did, but instead kept it inside while do his duty and have a normal life for 3 months, but the pain and anger was already simmering (and we saw it explode in the scene with Clarke in the next episode). But one thing I’m sure he didn’t feel about Mount Weather is that it was a mistake – he was tormented by how awful it was that they killed children and people like Maya, but he knew there was no other choice. But the second Mount Weather tragedy, the one from 3x03, made him distrust himself and his own leadership decisions, so, like Clarke, he let someone else lead – in his case, Pike.

And Pike works really well as Bellamy’s Shadow character – he is similar to mid-to-late season 1 Bellamy, taken to extreme – he seems like what, perhaps, Bellamy may have become over time without more pacifying influences and experiences. But, unlike Pike, Bellamy questions himself all the time, agonizes over every bad decision and every person he killed that he may not have had to, and as a result of that, he has a much greater ability to grow as a person. Season 3 is crucial for Bellamy’s overall arc as this is where he has to make the choice between two different paths, and Pike and Kane, as his alternative father figures, are embodiments of those two different paths. (Which doesn’t mean that Bellamy becomes just like Kane – I hate it when people claim that season 5 Bellamy was the new Kane. Wrong.)

But while the overall beats of the story work for me, in execution it has some serious problems. One is that the scenes that show Arkers’ prejudices towards Grounders are some of the most on-the-nose, cliché stuff out there (this is a problem throughout this arc), and, what particularly annoyed me, this storyline turns Lincoln into little more than plot device to show said prejudice and create tension between Pike, Bellamy and Octavia. Ricky Whittle even looks bored throughout season 3, and I can’t blame him, with the tiny amount of lines and even less focus that his character got.

Here, they show this through another new character, Gilmer, a Farm Station guy who aggravates the tensions and throws a stone at Lincoln just because he hates all Grounders (he continues to act this way in the following episodes, too). At this point, his action is condemned, which shows how much things will escalate even by the next episode, when this kind of behavior becomes pretty much accepted in Arkadia. Pike tries to somewhat defend Gilmer by pointing out that he lost his son in the Mount Weather explosion, but that doesn’t change much in Gilmer’s overall portrayal as the typical minor bigoted a-hole character. His prejudice goes further than anyone else’s – at this point, Pike tries to stop the crowd from turning against Lincoln, and argues that the threats are outside the camp, and that people shouldn’t start accusing people in the camp. (He’s going to change that opinion big time in a few episodes.) But he and Hannah already become unhappy with Lincoln when he opposes Pike’s policy and plans to kill Lexa’s army – Hannah even sarcastically says “so much for the good Grounder”. Still, I gotta be fair to the show – it’s not like every so-called villain in this story was a POC, they did make the character who is the most bigoted a white guy. Even if a big part of the fandom treated not just Pike, but even Bellamy (the main target of hatred for some fans for… reasons) as if he was just like that Gilmer dude, which led to some lovely examples of fans indulging in real life racism against real people, under the excuse they were so upset by fictional “racism” against fictional Grounders… (I really tried to rant less about the fandom, I swear.)

This is where Pike suggests his plan to kill the Grounder army, explaining that all they need is 10 people with semi-automatic guns… Really? That doesn’t seem like a feasible plan to me. But more about that in comments on 3x05.

Another character introduction: The vigil for the Arker victims of the Mount Weather attack is when we first meet Bryan, Miller’s boyfriend.

Lexa’s mentee/preferred heir, little Aden, is also introduced, and we first hear about the Nightblood, but we still hadn’t learned at that point how exactly one becomes the Commander (killing a bunch of other kids), so this relationship used to seem far less creepy than it does now.

Jasper and Monty were the best part of the episode. An intense, emotional confrontation between old friends, two people who deeply love each other, but who cannot fully understand each other because they react to trauma in such different ways. Jasper cannot understand how Monty can endure everything that has happened to him and that he has done, and soldier on – but that doesn’t mean that Monty doesn’t have strong feelings about all of it. And Monty, on his part, eventually gets angry and has enough of Jasper’s complaints and accusations, and doesn’t know how to deal with his best friend’s mental state. Jasper is developing the dark, nihilistic view of the human race that he will express in his letter, and he quotes Maya’s line “None of us is innocent” (which actually quite changes its meaning).

Finn gets a lot of mentions in season 3, including this episode, where Jasper talks about him and unintentionally ends up spilling his ashes, which he intended to give to Raven.

Timeline: probably not long after 3x03, since there is a vigil for the dead. So maybe a day after, or a couple of day after? Which should mean it has been about 10 days since the beginning of the season.

Body count:

Queen Nia, killed by Lexa with a spear throw from a distance

Rating: 3.5/10

3x05 Hakeldama

I liked this episode more during my first binge. Probably because it was right after and before episodes that I liked far less, so it looked better in comparison, and it has one of the best scenes in the entire show – the Bellamy/Clarke argument, plus a really amazing closing scene with Raven. But other than that, I’m not sure if it’s quite as good as I initially thought. I’m still rating it high, but I thought I would give it a 9/10. Some of the other stuff was pretty good or decent (Clarke/Lexa scenes, Murphy/Emori, the City of Light stuff) but there’s also some more on-the-nose, mediocre writing of the Arkadia plot that we’ve already seen in 3x04 – Lincoln used as a plot device to show that prejudice towards Grounders, moments that seem like the writers may be going for dubious political parallels that they really didn’t think through (let’s have some talk about “internment” of sick Grounders, a loaded real life word – even though the Arkers are the refugees in this story who have been constantly attacked by the majority population since they landed, so anyone trying to make that parallel is getting it all ass-backwards… and also isn’t it cool that one of our main antagonists in this story is an East Asian woman, played by a Japanese actress. Because why not go for a full deck, we already have Pike and Bellamy, so it’s ironic or something? I don’t know what they were going for here. OK, Gilmer is still there, I’ll give you that.) And the plot is built on one of the biggest plot holes in the show, the 100’s version of GoT’s 20 Good Men:

How exactly do 10 people with guns manage to kill 300 Grounder warrior without even getting injured? Were the Grounders knocked out on horse tranquilizers? I’ve had people try to convince me that this makes sense, but they’ve failed. None of the Grounders woke up in time to warn the others, yell, shoot an arrow at them, throw a spear, attack them? It’s 300 people, they aren’t going to be sleeping on a heap, that’s quite an area you have to walk around and shoot each one of them. It’s not like Pike’s group was positioned somewhere above and shooting people with snipers. How does any of it work? I suspect that’s exactly why it’s off-screen – I can’t even imagine how they would ever make that work on –screen. Sure, guns are powerful weapons, sometimes it seems like the writers of The 100 believe that they have downright magical abilities.

Before my first binge of season 3, I was terrified of what awful things Bellamy does this season, since I’ve heard so much ranting about what terrible things he does and how he shouldn’t be forgiven, or people complaining that he was “character assassinated” etc. So when I finally saw season 3, I was relieved: “That’s it?” I mean, of course participating in the killing of 300 people, who weren’t guilty of the specific thing Pike was suspecting them of (planning to attack Arkadia) is a very bad thing, but this is a show that has 2-3 mass murders per season, and where people have done much worse, like killed helpless civilians, killed children… Just two episodes before this, we saw the Ice Nation blow up a bunch of civilians just as a part of a scheme to take power over the coalition. But it’s killing of armed soldiers, who seemed like a legitimate threat, that the fandom has decided is the Worst Thing Ever that anyone has done on the show? Really? Surprise attacks at dawn, trying to catch the enemy (or the perceived ‘enemy’) unaware, aren’t a rare thing in war, Trikru tried to do exactly that to 80 Delinquents in season 1. And the show makes sure to emphasize that Bellamy didn’t lose his moral code, because he was the one who argued against killing the wounded, but couldn’t outvote the other 9 people in the group, including the Chancellor. He only managed to get them to spare Indra.

Bellamy is obviously very bothered by the killing, and he voices his misgivings to Pike: “We went too far”. But this arc tends to have Bellamy being unsure about what they are doing, trying to convince Pike to back down on some of the more extreme actions, and usually failing at it and going more or less along with his decisions. He clearly has a problem with how sick Grounders are treated, and tries to interfere when Gilmer the resident a-hole attacks Lincoln and to stop the fight, but only ends up getting punched by Lincoln, and it all ends up with Pike arresting Lincoln after Lincoln gives Gilmer a beating, even though Gilmer was the first to attack. But when Kane or Octavia confront him, he defends his support of Pike and Pike’s decisions. And things is, they both do have legitimate reasons to distrust the coalition. I don’t know why people say the show didn’t let Bellamy explain his POV – he did, and he makes a good point when he tells Kane that his “Azgeda bad, Trikru good” simplification isn’t quite right, because “Trikru killed 37 of my friends before you even touched the ground”.

I’ve seen people say that Bellamy telling Octavia to stop playing a Grounder is inconsistent with what he told her in 3x03, that he was OK with her choices. But it is not – the reason he tells her this now is because he sees what the current atmosphere in Arkadia is like and how anti-Grounder it has become, so he is worried about her safety.

The scenes between Clarke and Lexa were more in tune with Lexa’s characterization from season 2, and their dynamic was portrayed in more similar to the way it was treated as it was in S2 or in 3x03, and far less romanticized than in 3x04 or in 3x06-3x07. At the beginning of the episode, they are riding towards Arkadia and smiling and congratulating each other on ‘solving’ the problem, by virtue of Lexa killing Nia: “We bring them peace”. Clarke says she isn’t sure that Arkadia is her home anymore, since she’s changed so much since she was last in Camp Jaha. How much of that is Lexa’s influence and how much is Clarke’s discomfort with facing her friends after Mount Weather? But the moment that Lexa hears about the killing of her army, she goes back into the mode of the Commander from S2, who wants to call the leaders of all clans, go to war and kill all Arkers. When Clarke tries to argue against it, and suggests to go to Arkadia to talk to Bellamy and try to fix things, Lexa reminds her of the current power dynamics between them, ordering her not to go. Clarke is shocked: “So I’m a prisoner now?” and Lexa coldly replies “Yes”. She relents in the end, after Clarke pleads, and lets her go to Arkadia, but she warns her “You’ve been living with the enemy. If it were me, I would kill you on the spot”. Does she really believe that? It doesn’t fit with the fact that she let her go back to Arkadia in 3x07 and didn’t try to argue that. Or is she just saying that to try to dissuade Clarke from going?

Indra tells Lexa they would have to start using guns if they are to beat Sky people. She’s changed her views on the use of guns, and she’ll use them in the season 3 finale.

I like that Octavia, who explained the situation in Polis, called out Clarke on the fact that she doesn’t have a clue about what’s happening in Arkadia because she hasn’t been there.

The 4+ minute scene between Clarke and Bellamy is certainly the most memorable thing about this episode, and one of the best scenes in the show. It’s incredibly raw and emotional, one of those rare moments where characters simply let it all out without a filter, and the acting is amazing. They have only seen each other twice since Mount Weather – they were desperate to save each other in 3x02, then they had just one brief conversation and a lot of misunderstanding in 3x03, and now Clarke comes in and starts talking about business, telling Bellamy that she needs him to prevent the war. And this makes Bellamy go ballistic and let it all explode, pour all the pain and rage inside. It doesn’t really matter if his accusations against Clarke are fair or not – he wouldn’t make them in other circumstances anyway, but what this is all about is really the fact that she left, and he didn’t understand why, and now she’s come back, acts as if they have nothing personal to discuss, and nothing about their painful history: Mount Weather, Tondc (when Clarke let people die and put Octavia in danger, which Bellamy has a right to be angry about – even though she did it mostly to protect him, which he may not be fully aware of) - the things Clarke has been trying to put behind her, unsuccessfully. In Polis, she adopted Lexa’s way of dealing with things – avoid bringing up the past, not talk any of it through, just look ahead and try to solve things as they happen. She’s just put a Band-Aid over her wounds, but they are too deep and can’t heal that way, and now Bellamy has ripped it off, and Clarke is left vulnerable, facing up to the pain she’s been running away from. His accusations must have stung, but his anger and the realization how much pain he has been in over Mount Weather, and how much she’s hurt him by leaving and not being there for him, probably stung even more. I never blamed Clarke for leaving – people have the right to deal with their own trauma the way they decide, and at the time, Clarke was a mess, did not see any other way to function except running away and isolating herself, and probably thought she would be a burden if she stayed. But Bellamy, who doesn’t have Clarke’s tendency to isolate himself when he’s in pain, never understood why she couldn’t accept his emotional support and let him help her the way she helped him in season 1, And her leaving left him without the person he really could help him go through his own trauma (Kane couldn’t do that, even though Bellamy obviously talked to him about his feelings over Mount Weather, Octavia and Bellamy don’t have that kind of relationship, and he didn’t seem able to be that emotionally open with Gina). Clarke never realized this, because she thought he was strong enough to take care of the Delinquents in her absence, and didn’t realize that he needed her.

They are both crying, Clarke says she’s sorry, and then his raw confrontation turns into an incredibly intimate moment when Bellamy approaches Clarke, takes her hand in his and they both go on to caress each other’s wrists, gazing into each other’s eyes. Clarke is surprised and smiles through her tears – this is only the second time Bellamy has made such a gesture of intimacy (after stroking her hair in 3x02, but that time, she had no time to react). But the look in Bellamy’s eyes is darker and you can see that he still feels angry and doesn’t trust her. And then the infamous moment happens, as the music turns from soft and romantic to dramatic, and he handcuffs her and walks out. I don’t know at which point he decided to handcuff her, but I’m sure the moment between them was genuine –it’s not like he needed to go that far just to manipulate her, and it really doesn’t seem likely. But I think he was thinking that he shouldn’t allow feelings to prevent him from what he thought he should do, arrest Clarke, which he imagined to be the right way to protect her, as he later tells her while taking her to Pike. But I don’t like people doing things against someone’s will, even if it’s with the idea “I’m doing this to protect you, because I know what’s best for you”. I didn’t approve when Bellamy was overprotective of Octavia that way, I don’t like what he does here, and I didn’t like it when Clarke had him kidnapped and chained in the bunker in season 4 to save him, either. Also, I think Bellamy was wrong to assume Clarke would be safe in Arkadia –while Pike wouldn’t shoot her as Lexa said, I’m sure he would have arrested Clarke. And then there would have been no one to go and convince Lexa not to start a war. So she did well when she used the opportunity, while Bellamy was distracted, by Octavia, to electrocute him and run away.

It’s kind of to see Clarke reduced to someone who can only get anything done by going around and pleading with people and trying to change their opinion, going from Lexa, who tells her she’s her prisoner, to Bellamy, who handcuffs her and tries to arrest her, and then back to pleading with Lexa. But if she failed to convince Bellamy, she does a really good job of persuading Lexa to change her policy and decide not to start killing her people. She does it by telling her that she can choose what kind of a leader she wants to be, and urging her to be a new, different one, who will stop the cycle of violence.

Lexa changing her mind and deciding to accept Clarke’s suggestion and declare that “blood must not have blood” is a huge turning point, but there’s a lot of moral greyness in this moment, because the fact is still that she plans to enforce her new, peaceful policy as a tyrant (I’m not bashing her here – that’s a fact, it’s what all Commanders have been. Their society doesn’t exactly do democracy). When Indra tells her that her people wouldn’t accept that, particularly Titus, Lexa replies angrily that they are all her subjects and must do as she tells them to.

This episode has some fun Memori scenes. They run a scheme together to rob the passers-by. Even though their relationship has developed pretty fast, the same as most romances in the show, it works because it’s not written in the cliché CW romance way. They may be in love, but that doesn’t mean they quite trust each other. The main reason for strife, however, is Emori’s association with ALIE and the City of Light, which Murphy doesn’t want anything to do with. She wants to go find her brother, but he doesn’t want to go with her and be sucked into any of the COL stuff, and he doesn’t really trust her to come back for him or prioritize him: “When people leave, they don’t come back” -“I did” -“Not for me, I just happened to be there”. (There’s even a slight parallel here with the Bellamy/Clarke argument.)

A minor thing I found funny – one of the Grounders says “Stealing in Commander’s woods is punishable by death”, which sounds a lot like the old English laws about hunting in King’s woods, which we know well from medieval stories like Robin Hood.

The COL storyline gets major development – Jaha returns to the camp, bringing ALIE with him, and starts preaching about the City of Light and explaining the chip will help people by taking away their pain. It fits with the overall episode as consequences of pain and trauma are one of the main themes. He talks about how pain damages our ability to function and our relationships with loved ones, friends and family – which is something we certainly see throughout the season - but he neglects to mention that the chip also takes away memories of loved ones and anything that is important to you.

Raven, the first one who confronts Jaha, is the one ALIE wants to get to her side. Raven’s intelligence and talents probably remind ALIE of Becca, and she sees Raven as the key to gaining more followers. Raven is also a character who has suffered so much both physically and emotionally and who is struggling with physical pain and disability, so it makes sense that this storyline revolves around her so much. The ending scene of Raven taking the chip and meeting ALIE is incredibly well done, thanks in large part to one of the best uses a song in the show - “Thousand Eyes” by Of Monsters and Men.

Timeline: 24 hours after the last episode, which would make this 11-12 days since the start of the season by my count

Body count:

Around 300 Trikru warriors;

Otan (Emori’s brother), killed by Gilmer in a very stupid skirmish, because Gilmer hates Grounders, in case you haven’t realized that yet. (But Otan is still “alive” in the City of Light.).

While this certainly didn’t happen during 3x05, Abby asking Jaha what happened to the people who left with him on the road trip in season 2 (“You left with 12 people!”) may suggest that the six people who decided to go back to the camp instead of continuing the trip died on the way and never came back?

Rating 8.5/10

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